#1502 - Russell Peters

[0] Russell Joseph My man Oh we're live We're live We're sort of live Selo brother Always good to see you my friend You too thanks It's been a while Midday drinking I like it Sometimes you need it I had a steak for breakfast I saw you post something about that Yeah I was like Fuck it I don't want to eat breakfast food today I want to eat a steak What kind of steak?

[1] I got it from Evan Funky Who's the head chef of Felix And they were preparing to reopen Felix is my favorite restaurant In Venice Have ever been?

[2] No I've not phenomenal Brian Cowan turned me on to it okay um and um they came in him and uh the owner janet came in to do a podcast and uh they gave me some steaks so i cooked one of them today what kind of they was it is a t -bone fat big thick teabone they were about to reopen and now they got shut down again do they not have a patio they can open i don't believe they do and i don't even think you're allowed to do that now no you're i think you're allowed to patio still you're just not allowed to eat indoors as far as i as far as i go i went i went to the uh deli by my house yesterday and i went can i sit inside they're like no it's not allowed anymore i go so i had to sit on the patio but it was fine they were going to do uh something at the comedy store where they were going to serve chicken fingers and just food and allow people to drink you know and just start opening it as a restaurant only yeah i saw that and i guess it's not happening no they shut it down because right when they were about to do it then la shut down the restaurants it's so shitty well it's it's real shitty, man. It's real shitty.

[3] And what's extra shitty about it is, you know, they were almost out of the woods.

[4] They were right about to reopen again.

[5] But because the uptick.

[6] Yeah, California spiked harder than everyone else almost.

[7] It's like Texas, California.

[8] And then Florida.

[9] Yeah, there's a lot of protesting.

[10] Yeah.

[11] People want to pretend it's not the protesting.

[12] I'm 100 % for the protesting.

[13] Don't get me wrong.

[14] But I'm also 100 % for freedom.

[15] America.

[16] I'll tell you what, boy yeah i mean look it's just natural man you get a few sick people and you get 10 000 people huddled together people are going to get sick yeah and they're that close yelling at each other you know yelling literally screaming so it spits flying apparently particularly at night times when it spreads because brett Weinstein who's a biologist who was on the podcast i saw that sent me a paper that said that uh there's a a recent study that shows that covid 19 dies almost instantly when it's it hit sunlight yeah that's why it's ridiculous they close the beaches yeah that's where you should want everybody right just stay away from each other just stay out of the sun killing COVID right wear your mask when you're getting up and leaving and then when you're sitting down stay away from everybody and everybody is fine it's not it's not it's not rocket side the problem is that people are not going to listen you know yeah but I mean still I mean fucking you got a much better chance of it dying out there by the beach yes and and you know fourth of july weekend they did it it's only going to rile people up further yes yes yes it's uh i mean i'm really worried about the state i really am it's the state of california or the state of the country well the state of the country for sure but california in particular because it's so many cases and then the homeless population have you ever been you've been by brentwood lately are they have they moved them all there now they got a fucking tent village set up there jimmy see if you could five photos of that they used to have them under the bridges here in the valley my friend matt was talking about he works down there and he was telling me how insane it is he's like they're never going to leave this they're like they have it set up now or they have like a community yeah and then you have to stay socially distant inside the tent community and a bunch of people don't want to follow the rules so they're outside the tent community so you have fences so you have the people inside the tent community that are set up with you know six foot distance so it's basically an h -o -way under the bridge yeah well it's on under the bridge they they're using the veterans something or another.

[17] The VA, they have some large yard.

[18] Right.

[19] And then outside of the fence, they have the people that are rule breakers.

[20] So they set up their tents just outside.

[21] They're like, fuck you, pussies, we're over here making out.

[22] Like, they don't want to have any rules.

[23] So they don't, they don't want to deal with the socially distant.

[24] If you're inside the tents that they've set up and created for you, you have to follow the rules.

[25] So those are probably, the ones that are following the rules are probably the homeless people that just, you know, took a bad turn financially.

[26] And then the other ones that are acting up, probably the drug ones.

[27] L .A. is getting a government -run tent city.

[28] All it took was 40 years in a pandemic.

[29] But they're saying that like it's a good thing.

[30] Yeah, like, finally.

[31] Yeah, that's what they're saying.

[32] But, you know, this is going to, first of all, this is going to crush property values.

[33] This is in Brentwood.

[34] Not that property values are the most important thing.

[35] Don't get me wrong, but they're an important thing.

[36] Especially in that neighborhood.

[37] Yeah, that's a very valuable neighborhood.

[38] And if someone has invested all of their money into their home and they're hoping to sell their home, and then all of a sudden, the home values drop radically because nobody wants to.

[39] wants to live right next door to a tent city see if there's any photos of that fucking thing because the photos are pretty dramatic maybe they're trying to hide it because they're trying to make it you know that's one of the things man everybody's sugarcoating everything out here they're sugar coating and then there's uh and then there's the fucking overreactors uh it's a very insane time yeah you know why people overreact though it's because it's not the same for everybody like I have a friend who got COVID he's 37 he was clear of it in three days in three days he felt like shit he couldn't smell he couldn't taste three days late he was on Z pack and something else and just stayed home and he got vitamin IVs every day and then three days later he's going on a 25 mile bike ride three days he's fine I don't know if it's a good idea to go on that bike ride by the way yeah but I want to see what happened so I'm not saying anything hope he wears a mask yeah I want to see if it makes him feel like shit if he goes on bike rider if he feels great i was talking to d l because you know he just got yeah i saw that was really scary and he was like no i got nothing he's fine yeah i haven't i said i felt nothing the entire time well um he coughed a little today he had a video a little bit of video he was hilarious he's like oh my covis is acting yeah yeah i saw that because he probably smoked the joint right before that probably right uh but it was scary watching him just slump into unconsciousness on stage and whoever that guy is that caught him that guy's a fucking hero that's his road manager Well, his road manager is a fucking hero, because if D .L. fell, he would have smashed his head on that stage, and you got real problems then.

[40] Because he was just sitting there, and he slurred his words, and the audience was like, what?

[41] What the fuck did you just say?

[42] Like, they couldn't understand what he said.

[43] You saw the video?

[44] I did not see the video.

[45] Let's see if we can find it.

[46] I only just found out there was a video of it like two nights ago, because Cedric was at my house.

[47] D .L. is a fucking great guy.

[48] He's a great guy.

[49] He's a great guy.

[50] I used to open for me, you know that?

[51] No, shit.

[52] No, shit.

[53] He's smart as fuck, too.

[54] He's a really smart guy, but a really good guy too.

[55] Yeah, really good guy, really honest and open -minded.

[56] I think a lot of the...

[57] Here it is right here.

[58] So he's on stage, and I guess his road manager fellow, that guy right there, gives him a drink of water.

[59] He puts the water down, and he's...

[60] This doesn't have any volume, unfortunately.

[61] There it goes.

[62] Here it goes.

[63] We've been to quarantine so long move.

[64] And we came back.

[65] Remember everyone I wanted to get rid of the Mexicans to call them.

[66] They were immigrants.

[67] Right, everybody's like, what?

[68] See, now what?

[69] You hear that?

[70] But now watch.

[71] He just slowly starts slumping.

[72] Look, that guy, that road manager, is a fucking hero.

[73] Because that guy was there.

[74] Oh, his head still hits the bone, yeah.

[75] A little bit.

[76] But what I was worried was a stroke, because sometimes that happens to people, first of all, the way they drag them off the fucking stage, like, hey, guys, one of you pussies actually carry them.

[77] They didn't even let them finish his set, though.

[78] They're dragging them, though, bouncing off the, I know, they didn't let them finish this.

[79] Just throw some water on them.

[80] Come on.

[81] What's the problem?

[82] We're comics.

[83] We can get through this.

[84] They said, like, we have everything okay.

[85] And everything like, yeah, right.

[86] You don't have nothing under control.

[87] Yeah, nothing's under control.

[88] Joe Rogan meets a crazy stripper.

[89] This is not happening.

[90] The real scary thing was the slurring of the words.

[91] Yeah.

[92] He was at my house about less than a month before that happened.

[93] One night on May 30th, I had them over.

[94] We had cigars in the backyard, socially distancing.

[95] Of course.

[96] You know, it was me, Cedric, D .L., J. Phillips, Dwayne Martin.

[97] And we're just hanging out and having drinks.

[98] Do you like cigars?

[99] Do you want a cigar right now?

[100] Midday cigar.

[101] Fuck it.

[102] Let's go.

[103] Fuck it.

[104] Fuck it.

[105] I'll do a midday cigar and a little midday bourbon.

[106] Mike Binder gave me these.

[107] He came over when he's doing that...

[108] Oh, in the documentary.

[109] Nice.

[110] I like Mike.

[111] He's a good guy.

[112] He's a good guy.

[113] The documentary looks really good, man. Yeah, I went into the store and did it.

[114] Oh, did you?

[115] Yeah.

[116] That's probably the best place for him.

[117] Yeah, it's good because it gives the energy of the room, you know?

[118] Yeah.

[119] He wanted to do it here, though.

[120] He wanted to get he and I talking about it.

[121] Take that.

[122] Take that, take that, take that.

[123] This is an interesting one.

[124] Look at that.

[125] This is from Benchmaid knives.

[126] You get the coolest shit sent to you, dude.

[127] Look that.

[128] Like a guillotine?

[129] It's my move.

[130] It's my move, a guillotine.

[131] Is that your move?

[132] That's my move now.

[133] Really?

[134] It's a good move.

[135] You know, because of you, my other move is the in -arm choke.

[136] Had an arm choke?

[137] Yeah.

[138] And so whenever I get it, or I get in position for it, Sean Jack, would be like, Joe Hogan choke, the Joe Hogan choke.

[139] That's hilarious.

[140] Yeah, that show fuck my neck up.

[141] I was using my neck so much to squeeze against dude's arms.

[142] Oh, because you flatten out and do that.

[143] Yeah, well, you're actually using your arm, your, excuse me, your neck rather to hold someone's arm into place.

[144] Mm. Mm. Mm. So it's nice to hear that you've been training, man. Yeah.

[145] It's nice to have been training.

[146] Is it legal now?

[147] They're going to arrest you for training?

[148] What happens?

[149] It became legal.

[150] It's legal, and then I don't know if it's still legal.

[151] But I was doing it with Jay Zabello's and Mark Armstrong, whom you both know, I would imagine.

[152] Oh, yeah.

[153] Jay's great.

[154] Jay used to run the Malibu Place.

[155] I was going over there for a while.

[156] It was a really easy drive.

[157] He's a super nice guy, too.

[158] Really slick on the ground, too.

[159] Yes.

[160] Oh, yeah.

[161] Really?

[162] A high -level black belt.

[163] Yeah, and.

[164] Real technical, too.

[165] Those guys that teach, there's something to be said about teaching.

[166] I often wondered whether or not that would actually translate.

[167] the comedy as well, because teaching martial arts makes you way better at it.

[168] When I got really good at Taekwondo, one of the ways I got really good is I was teaching all the time.

[169] And there's something about that teaching all the time.

[170] You end up breaking it down.

[171] Yes, yeah.

[172] My friend Brent, he was one of Eddie Bravo's teachers, one of his instructors.

[173] And he, when I first started rolling with him, we were both like purple belts together.

[174] And then he started teaching.

[175] He quit his job and start teaching and when he started teaching man he jumped up like huge like he had made this like before we used to i don't remember how we used to go but it was close but then once he started teaching man he became fucking super dangerous man i remember it was like a way harder role i was like holy shit man this is amazing and it was really just for teaching yeah my my game changed um training with mark and jay every day uh for like a month and a half Like, my game completely changed from, I used to just, you know, you rolled with me last year, so, and I always tell people what a fucking gorilla you are.

[176] I don't like rolling with Joe Rogan.

[177] I go, you ever rolled with a gorilla?

[178] That's what it's like, rolling with a fucking gorilla.

[179] Well, it's not fair.

[180] I've been doing it a long time.

[181] No, I know.

[182] But, yeah.

[183] So my game was always just defend, you know.

[184] Just defend, make sure you don't get God.

[185] I wasn't going to get you, but you weren't going to get me. Mind you, you got me. But so that's what my game became after that.

[186] well just and then it just changed something happened then I became from defensive to offensive now yeah well once you catch a few people yeah you know the real secret is drilling and that's the thing that people don't enjoy doing people really enjoy rolling they really enjoy sparring because it's so fun Eddie Bravo explained that to me once a long time ago he's like everybody loves the spark that's so fun but they don't work enough time spend enough time rather on really developing new moves but if you spend enough time on developing new moves then the sparring becomes so much better but you just have to be disciplined to do the drill Drilling.

[187] Right.

[188] I do get bored doing drills.

[189] It's boring.

[190] Ten this way, ten that way.

[191] But if you do it and you do it with sincerity, you have to do it, like almost think about it like you're actually pulling it off.

[192] Because a lot of times guys go through the motions with drills and they don't think of it as something that they are really doing.

[193] They're just kind of like, oh yeah, this is how I do it.

[194] But they don't think they're actually applying the choke.

[195] But if you could think of it as like, this is really happening, I'm really passing the guard.

[196] I'm going knee on belly.

[197] They buck, I take the back, I get the choke, I sink it in it, they tap.

[198] And then you do it again, and you do it again, and you do it again.

[199] And then one day you'll be sparring.

[200] And in that sparring, the same thing will happen.

[201] You'll pass the guard, the personal move, you go knee to belly, they'll go to their back, you take the choke.

[202] And it's like, when that stuff happens, and it's so satisfying.

[203] You can learn.

[204] I made the biggest leap from Blue Belt to Purple Belt.

[205] And that was because I was hanging out with Eddie, and we were drilling a lot.

[206] He was maniacal about it.

[207] You guys started at the same time?

[208] No, he was way ahead of me. He was really good before I started.

[209] He was a really good purple belt when I first met him.

[210] Maybe, yeah, like purple, yeah, right around purple.

[211] And then when he went off to, in 2003, when he went to Sao Paulo, he was a brown belt.

[212] He was really good, though.

[213] And that's when he tapped Hoyler, and then when he came back, Sean Jock gave him his black belt.

[214] He gave him his own black belt.

[215] He did.

[216] He took it right off his back.

[217] Yeah, he tapped two world champions.

[218] He tapped Gestapo Dantes in the first fight, and then he tapped.

[219] Hoyler Gracie.

[220] Like, it was crazy shit.

[221] And then I heard Hoyce chased him down in the parking lot or something.

[222] No, that was a different time.

[223] That was a different event.

[224] That was the second time he had a match up with Hoyler.

[225] Hoist, but it was, you know, he was never disrespectful to Hoyler.

[226] It's just sometimes people get things twisted and then, you know, you don't see each other in real life.

[227] If you talk to Eddie Bravo about Hoyce Gracie, it was never anything but respect.

[228] Hoyce is a cop now.

[229] Hoist became a cop.

[230] He's actually a cop.

[231] He's a cop in Idaho.

[232] What?

[233] Yeah, go to the real hoist Gracie.

[234] I thought he lived in California.

[235] Well, you could shoot people in Idaho.

[236] I don't know, man. I mean, he's a real...

[237] Did he not want a lot of action?

[238] I don't know.

[239] He's a very...

[240] He's a gun enthusiast.

[241] I follow him on Instagram.

[242] There's a lot of gun stuff.

[243] And I'm like, I never really understood the connection.

[244] I'm like, you're...

[245] A lot of the fighter guys that I...

[246] A lot of fighter people that I follow are all into guns.

[247] And I'm like...

[248] Some sort of survivalist mentality, I would imagine.

[249] Our newest reserve...

[250] police officers spent hours in the rain going through training drills and completing the Idaho post firearms qualification hoist motherfucking Gracie the goat's so weird if there's a Mount Rushmore of martial arts there's only one face that is absolutely on there and that's that guy there's not a fucking doubt in my mind that guy's face needs and Martin's short too in the middle apparently they really can't be a Mount Rushmore of martial arts because there's not enough heads like you couldn't even if you had a mount rush more of mMA how are you only going to have four heads you know there's a lot there's a lot of people that came in and changed the game yeah there's too many people you know you have to have gSP have to you have to two division world champion dominated the welterweights revolutionized the way people think about uh athletes training for mama um when he was at the peak of his championship skills he was unstoppable man when he beat john Fitch when he smashed B .J. Penn, like, those days.

[251] And then he came back after retirement and beat Bisping.

[252] And beat Bisping at 85 and put him to sleep with a rear naked choke.

[253] He actually was better.

[254] He actually looked better after four years out.

[255] It's a long time away, too.

[256] It's not like a, you know, month off.

[257] Yeah, he's Mount Rushmore for sure.

[258] Mighty Mouse has to be Mount Rushmore.

[259] You know, people forgot.

[260] You forgot.

[261] But you watch those Mighty Mouse fights back when And Mighty Mouse beat Sohudo for the first time when he beat, I mean, fucking the Ray Borg one when he threw him to the air and caught him in an arm bar on the way down.

[262] I remember that?

[263] God damn, dude.

[264] That was crazy, though.

[265] Mighty Mouse, when he was in his peak was something really special.

[266] I have a friend of mine who trains with Mighty Mouse.

[267] It's Indian kid who fights.

[268] A saint lion.

[269] Is he fighting for one FC?

[270] Yeah.

[271] Yeah, one FC is amazing, man. Gurd Arshen.

[272] Yeah, they have some really tough fighters over there, and Mighty Mouse is still stomping them.

[273] Yeah, I'm hearing that one might try and start up by the fall out here in America.

[274] Really?

[275] In America.

[276] Good luck.

[277] That's what I said.

[278] I said, it doesn't make sense.

[279] You might as well stick to Singapore.

[280] Yeah, Singapore, they're huge.

[281] Are they allowed to do shows right now?

[282] I don't know, but I think the rest of the world's opening up, but they're not letting Americans in.

[283] Isn't that crazy?

[284] Well, it makes sense.

[285] What did we do?

[286] how did we fuck this up it's funny because you know America was the one that was stopping everybody from coming in now the rest of the world's like hey hey wait there for a second what do you think it is is it that so many Americans are overweight is it the protests it's the it's that blind entitlement as a Canadian I could tell you this there seems to be like a blind entitlement with a lot of Americans where they I'm American I can do whatever I want I'm like yeah you can But can you just listen to a little bit of reason for a minute?

[287] You know, here's why this is happening.

[288] I'm like, no, you're invading my rights.

[289] And I'm like, I get that.

[290] We're all frustrated with it.

[291] You know, I'm with you on this.

[292] But for the betterment of the rest of the country, if you could just wait a little bit.

[293] Which just wish there was an awesome treatment.

[294] So if you got it, it was like, my friend who's 37, I don't want to say his name because I don't think he's talked about it yet.

[295] But when he got it, you know, he was like a little bummed out.

[296] out at first and two days later he's like this ain't shit three days later he was like no symptoms at all yeah i listen i did the test on monday i had your guy come to my house well he sent somebody and uh i was negative i did the finger one the blood one then the nose swab negative on all of them but uh i think i had it dude in january and i had like a like a brief one yeah but dude if you had it that fda approved antibody's test that concierge MD uses they would catch it I think that a lot of people thought they had it because there's the regular flu and there's regular colds.

[297] Yeah, but I never get those either.

[298] You know what I mean?

[299] Yeah, but you can.

[300] It's true.

[301] You're a human.

[302] It's true.

[303] And then a lot of people, I think a lot of the testing results are getting marked wrong.

[304] You think so?

[305] Yeah.

[306] Listen, I had a friend pass away during this whole thing.

[307] From?

[308] He died of cirrhosis of the liver and liver cancer.

[309] And because they did a COVID test, they said it's COVID -related.

[310] Yeah, that's rough.

[311] They do that.

[312] And I'm like, come on, that's fucking bullshit.

[313] Because I spoke to the doctor less than 24 hours before he passed away, and the doctor said he's got three to six months.

[314] My doctor told me that there's quite a few cases of people that were literally at death's door from cardiopulmonary disease.

[315] And they got COVID and died, and they called it a COVID death.

[316] And he was upset about it.

[317] He was like, I understand because a lot of these hospitals are privately funded, privately owned.

[318] And that's something I didn't really even consider.

[319] I always thought a hospital was like some sort of state run thing.

[320] I mean, I never thought about hospitals.

[321] Did you?

[322] No, see, I'm from, again, I'm from Canada where they're all government run.

[323] It's free, yeah.

[324] Well, they have to make money, you know.

[325] And basically, this guy was saying, look, the doctors are doing their best.

[326] And it's not that they want to be deceptive, and it's not that they're doing it anyway.

[327] But hospitals are like any other business.

[328] There's a bottom line.

[329] They have to make money.

[330] And if there's an incentive for them to call something a COVID death and they receive extra funds, especially in a time like this, where they're really hurting financially.

[331] It makes sense, but it all, you know, it really highlights why a state -funded medical, you know, some sort of a, if we had like the way Canada has it.

[332] Like, Canada's not perfect.

[333] No, I mean, it's not, listen, it's not the best.

[334] But it's pretty good that you don't have to pay.

[335] It's efficient for what you need it to be.

[336] You need something extra done.

[337] Yeah, you might have, you might be better off paying.

[338] a little extra to get something done.

[339] But as far as like regular shit, you know, you get a cold, go to the doctor.

[340] You break your arm, you go to the doctor.

[341] Yeah, well, I have friends that have had, like, real problems, like shoulder problems and knee problems.

[342] Like, they need surgery, and they've come to America to get it.

[343] Oh, yeah, no, that's the way it works.

[344] Yeah, same with my dad when he had cancer.

[345] The treatment he wanted or needed was in Philadelphia.

[346] Yeah.

[347] So it's like privately funded stuff, stuff that cost more money where the doctors get they have an incentive to become excellent right because they can make more money doing it like specializing yeah but then the canadian government still picked up the tab for it oh really yeah because it was a service that wasn't available in Canada that's sweet yeah so they were like all right we got it yeah that's a divisive thing over here man and that's where it is weird that it's divisive too because it's like it literally benefits everybody do you know why it's divisive because the people People that are healthy at the time are arguing about it.

[348] They don't want to pay.

[349] It's the people that are healthy at the time.

[350] They're not looking at it long term.

[351] But you would think that these politicians would be four, too, because they're all old as shit.

[352] Yeah, but they have money.

[353] That's true.

[354] And they've been corrupt and taking money on the take.

[355] Like, I'm a Bernie Sanders fan.

[356] And that's one of the things that I really like about what Bernie Sanders was saying.

[357] You know, Bernie Sanders was saying that it should be a fundamental right as an American citizen to have health care.

[358] care.

[359] It should be fundamental right as a human being anywhere in the world.

[360] Yes.

[361] The way I look at it, I mean, people have all these little weird arguments about it, but the way I looked at it was like, aren't we a community?

[362] So if we're a community, shouldn't we, if we're going to take care of things, we should take care of fire department, right?

[363] You should have a fire department.

[364] Tax dollars to pay for that.

[365] You should have a police department, tax dollars to pay for that.

[366] What about health care?

[367] Education.

[368] There should be all those things should be all those things taken care of.

[369] Yeah, I don't, again, I've only been your 14 years, so I'm learning about the education system now in America.

[370] Well, we thought Obamacare.

[371] We thought Obamacare was going to cover it.

[372] That's what a lot of people thought.

[373] When Obama was talking about it and they were trying to get the Affordable Care Act passed and get everything, we thought, oh, this is going to be it.

[374] We're going to be cool.

[375] But it seems like, you know, what is it, nine years later?

[376] It's like 12 years later?

[377] How many years is it now?

[378] Well, he's been gone before.

[379] When did he start it, though?

[380] He started it, I think.

[381] We had an eight -year term.

[382] Yeah, wasn't it in the middle of, or the beginning of a second term?

[383] Is that when it started?

[384] Or the end of his first term, somewhere around there?

[385] So let's just say it's seven years old.

[386] Yeah.

[387] It's still, it's not much difference.

[388] Is it much different?

[389] Jamie, do you know?

[390] Well, being different.

[391] I'm talking about it.

[392] He's facing that.

[393] I mean, is it easier to get health care?

[394] Is it better?

[395] It was.

[396] Some people got it taken away from him already.

[397] Because of Trump?

[398] Yeah.

[399] That motherfucker.

[400] And then there was also the people that were against the Obamacare because they said it made their rates go up yeah yeah there's that too yeah there was a bunch of people that were doctors that were upset about it they were saying it was uh too expensive for them it there's just so much fucking red tape and everything nowadays it's so hard to be a person it's like being on a movie set you know hey can i get a bottle of water uh can somebody get uh talent a bottle of water sure don't plug that in whatever you do yeah right you plug something in the union electric guys yeah fuck dude it's so crazy i did a movie i did a movie last summer and I became friends with all the drivers because they were all Teamster guys and they were all Italian and I just break their balls when we were driving back and forth to said they fucking loved me. It was like, hey, uh, it's like lunchtime would come and they'd be like, hey, Russell, uh, Mikey C says, don't go to lunch.

[401] He got you a sandwich from our spot.

[402] And I'm like, oh, thanks, Mikey, see?

[403] Nice.

[404] They were good guys.

[405] There's something to be said for Teamsters.

[406] Yeah, it's, um, we got a lot of people, man. I think that's part of the problem.

[407] Yeah.

[408] Part of the problem in this country, we've got a lot of people.

[409] If we're, you know, humans are designed to live in little villages, I think.

[410] I think when you get us into these big, large groups of people, shit gets weird.

[411] Yeah, well, everybody wants to establish their dominance.

[412] There's a little bit of that, too.

[413] Yeah.

[414] And there's a bunch of different ways to live.

[415] Everybody wants to establish that their way is the best way.

[416] You've got to do it our way.

[417] Yeah, there's, and there's no one way.

[418] There's no one way.

[419] Fucking Eddie.

[420] Are you doing any shows right now?

[421] I did.

[422] I did Miami this past weekend.

[423] What did you do?

[424] Five shows.

[425] The improv?

[426] Yeah.

[427] So it was the first time in three months?

[428] No. Two weeks before that, I did the American Comedy Club in San Diego.

[429] They were the first time.

[430] They've been open for that long?

[431] Yeah.

[432] So that was good.

[433] It was like 75 people a show.

[434] The Hoyette Comedy Store is open again.

[435] Already?

[436] Yeah.

[437] Yeah.

[438] It was good, though.

[439] I had a good time.

[440] And then Miami, I was getting a little leery of the numbers and stuff, and the stats coming out.

[441] So I would literally stay in my hotel room until showtime, go to the show.

[442] Do my shows, no meet and greet, and bounce right back to the hotel.

[443] Will you do anything to take precautions?

[444] Are you taking supplements?

[445] Yeah, I'm on a bunch of shit, you know.

[446] Yeah.

[447] I got this anti -aging doctor that I see.

[448] Were you taking vitamins, though?

[449] Yeah, I'm taking a bunch of vitamin D. A bunch of vitamin, like some stupid amount, you know, like, two.

[450] 20 ,000 or something like that.

[451] Really?

[452] Every day?

[453] A vitamin D?

[454] Yeah.

[455] Or maybe 10 ,000 a day.

[456] I take 5 ,000.

[457] 5 ,000 I use every day?

[458] Yeah, I take 2 ,000, 5 ,000 I use every day.

[459] Damn, look at you.

[460] Getting the D. Hey, wait a minute.

[461] It's hard and you can't go outside.

[462] That's one of the really rough things, right?

[463] The best way to get vitamin D is really from the sun.

[464] Yeah, it was 15 minutes at a time or something.

[465] But I get dark as fuck when I go outside.

[466] Yeah.

[467] And I got this stupid sunspot right here that I'm always paranoid about.

[468] Oh, does it get darker when you get tan?

[469] Yeah.

[470] It gets hyperpigmentation.

[471] I tried lasering it off a few times, but again, in California, it's difficult when I go to these places.

[472] They need a special laser for brown skin.

[473] Oh, really?

[474] I'm like, you're taking a brown spot off.

[475] How difficult can this be?

[476] What is it from?

[477] It's just a birth thing?

[478] No, it developed over the years.

[479] It was a tiny light spot, looked like a splash.

[480] But it's something dangerous.

[481] No. And then it just, you know, it just hyperpigmentation.

[482] As you get older, your skin gets weaker, I imagine.

[483] Yeah, a lot of folks get those weird little black, like Morgan Freeman's got those weird little black spots that stick out of his face.

[484] It looks like he's got black sesame sauce off from it.

[485] It's strange, right?

[486] Yeah.

[487] What is that?

[488] I don't know.

[489] Again, I think I'm getting them around somewhere on my neck.

[490] I've got one of those now.

[491] On him, it kind of looks better, though.

[492] Gives him that distinguished.

[493] Distinguished.

[494] Distinguished speckled look.

[495] Yeah, that guy can do no wrong.

[496] Has he ever been in a bad movie?

[497] What's a bad Morgan Freeman movie?

[498] That is a bad Morgan Freeman.

[499] I don't think he's like one of those guys.

[500] If he's in a movie, I'm comforted.

[501] Mm -hmm.

[502] You know?

[503] I'm like, right.

[504] It's going to be a good movie.

[505] He will drive, Miss Daisy.

[506] And he'll do it with class.

[507] He's got great hair, you know?

[508] You know what I said?

[509] He's got a solid head of hair and a great voice.

[510] He's like our generation's James Earl Jones.

[511] Not that our generation didn't have any James Earl Jones, but he's like our second backup James Earl Jones.

[512] That's interesting.

[513] You see they're doing a Jack Johnson movie?

[514] Are they really?

[515] Yeah.

[516] Who's playing Jack Johnson?

[517] Mahersha Ali.

[518] I don't know that dude.

[519] Yeah, the guy from the Green Book, the black dude.

[520] Oh, really?

[521] Yeah.

[522] Wow.

[523] Does he know how to box?

[524] I don't know.

[525] Apparently he did, I think he did a Broadway version of Jack Johnson or something in 2000.

[526] Oh, no shit.

[527] See if you can find some.

[528] That's crazy.

[529] That was 20 years ago.

[530] Yeah.

[531] 2000 is 20 years ago.

[532] He seems so slight, though.

[533] Like, he doesn't seem like a big dude, but he looks.

[534] He looks a lot like him there.

[535] There he is.

[536] But Jack Johnson had those giant 13 -inch wrists.

[537] Did he really?

[538] Yeah, he has a massive wrist.

[539] I didn't know that.

[540] Massive wrists, huh?

[541] Yeah, yeah.

[542] Wow.

[543] Unruly.

[544] Hold on, go back up.

[545] It says HBO limited series.

[546] Oh, it's a series.

[547] Interesting.

[548] That's my favorite fighter of all time, Jack Johnson.

[549] Well, you want to talk about a brave man. I mean, that guy was knocking out white people at the turn of the turn of the 20th century.

[550] And he would punish them.

[551] Yes.

[552] He wouldn't just knock you out because he knew he could knock you out.

[553] Right.

[554] He would hit you on the joss of your knees buckling step in and hold you up.

[555] Yeah.

[556] And he would say shit to him.

[557] Not yet, boss.

[558] Not yet.

[559] You're going to have a long night tonight, boss.

[560] Ooh.

[561] It just beat the shit out.

[562] He would hurt hurt him and just hold him up.

[563] No, no, don't fall down.

[564] I want you to take this beating.

[565] That to me is like the ultimate fucking gangster move.

[566] I have one of those roots of fight shirts with him and it says the Galveston giant.

[567] But when you Look up how big he was.

[568] He wasn't very big.

[569] It was like 5 -9 or 5 -10.

[570] No, no, no. I think he was more than 6 feet tall.

[571] But back then, he was a giant.

[572] Yeah.

[573] Because his wrists, he had big, he had thick.

[574] I think he was only like 200 plus pounds.

[575] Like a little, like.

[576] Yeah, he wasn't over, he wasn't much over 200.

[577] Yeah.

[578] People just didn't have any food back then.

[579] No, he was dense, though.

[580] Like his body was fucking.

[581] The stories about him are, right?

[582] There is.

[583] Look at him.

[584] Six feet tall, 200 pounds.

[585] And he was a giant back that.

[586] And that crazy?

[587] the Galveston Giant.

[588] His fucking forearms are bigger than his biceps almost.

[589] Damn, he did have some giant ass forearms.

[590] Yeah.

[591] You know, he fought middleweight Stanley Ketchel.

[592] In an exhibition bout.

[593] And Ketchel tried to knock him out and dropped him.

[594] Yeah, and that's when he got right up and then knocked him out, and his teeth got embedded into his glove.

[595] Yeah.

[596] Well, back then when they had gloves, their gloves were like bag gloves.

[597] They were tiny -ass little gloves with horse hair in them.

[598] Oh, yeah.

[599] And you could pack the horsehair down and guys would squirt water into their, they'd make like a small incision, squirt water into their gloves and pack the horsehair down to make it hard.

[600] Yeah, it's a rough way to live back then, bro.

[601] You ever felt those gloves and the leather's really coarse?

[602] Yeah, it's a rough way to live, man. Little Arthur, that's what they called them too, right?

[603] Is that what they call them?

[604] Little Arthur?

[605] He had a bunch of nicknames.

[606] Little Arthur.

[607] Imagine if you take a guy like that and train him today.

[608] You know, I mean, just the character that you would have to have to be the heavyweight champion in the world when, I mean, racism back then was probably magnified by 100 -fold, right?

[609] He would fight 45 -round fights and shit like that, 60 -round fights.

[610] Him and Sam Langford and Peter Jackson and all those guys, but he wouldn't give Langford a title shot.

[611] Why?

[612] I don't know.

[613] There's something with that.

[614] I don't know what that was about, but.

[615] car accident claims Jack Johnson in 1946.

[616] That's when he died.

[617] Wow.

[618] Because he would, he liked fast cars.

[619] Oh, yeah.

[620] And he would always...

[621] This is that famous story of him getting pulled over by a cop.

[622] Yep, he gave him a hundred bucks.

[623] Yeah, I told him I'm going the same speed on the way back.

[624] Yeah.

[625] And then there was the other one where he, apparently he got into a taxi one time, and the guy said, I don't drive the N -words.

[626] And so Jack grabbed him, threw him in the back seat, got in the front, drove himself to where he had to get to.

[627] Wow.

[628] And then the guy's like, hey, what about my favorite was?

[629] I drove myself.

[630] And look at the, he had, like, white wives back then, too.

[631] Oh, yeah, he did that on purpose.

[632] Imagine those chicks, how bold you had to be back then?

[633] It was probably hung like a horse, too.

[634] Like multiple horses.

[635] I would love to see what the world was like at various stages in history.

[636] I wonder if one day they're going to be able to do that with virtual reality, where, you know, I don't know if you've ever used any of those Oculus Rift headsets or anything like that.

[637] Have you ever?

[638] They're really interesting.

[639] They got one now with Alex Honnold, who's that crazy free solo climber.

[640] Right.

[641] And, you know, he went up the side of a mountain with this camera apparatus on.

[642] So you're literally looking at this climb from his perspective.

[643] It's fucking bonkers.

[644] But I wonder if they're going to get to a point.

[645] I would love it if they got to a point where you could go back.

[646] in time.

[647] Like you could go to like 1920s New York City and see what it looked like.

[648] Hear it and see it.

[649] Yes.

[650] There's like videos on YouTube about what the world was like, you know, where if you can go back 10 million years, this is what it looked like.

[651] And then they do this and what the world would look like in this many years.

[652] That's all speculation, but I guess the ones going back are more confirmed, so to speak.

[653] I just would love to...

[654] I mean, you're never going to really be able to go there, but I think they're going to be able to simulate it in a way that's really, really close within our lifetime.

[655] Yeah, they're on it.

[656] Yeah.

[657] They're on it, especially now.

[658] They've got nothing else to do.

[659] They might as well work extra hard on it.

[660] I just think it would be amazing.

[661] Just to get a glimpse of what it was like, like 1700s Paris, walking down the street in the 1700s if they can recreate it perfectly.

[662] Yeah, okay.

[663] And while they're building something that's like, you know, you could be there when they're building the Coliseum or something in Rome, you know.

[664] Yeah, they don't know how they did that, though.

[665] That's the problem.

[666] Like, if you want to go back to the Parthenon or something like that, like.

[667] Yeah.

[668] How did they erect these, yeah.

[669] Who were the craftspeople?

[670] Yeah, because that's the thing.

[671] There's a lot of, again, that always changes, too.

[672] That's the beauty of science.

[673] That's never really the answer.

[674] There's what they think the answer is.

[675] And then when they find out the answer, like, oh, we were wrong the first time.

[676] Yeah.

[677] Yeah.

[678] Do you think you're going to stay in America no matter what?

[679] You're going about going back to Toronto?

[680] I know you love it up there.

[681] I love my home, but I got two kids here.

[682] Yeah.

[683] I can't just leave, you know.

[684] Right.

[685] What are they going to do?

[686] I'm not going to bring two baby mamas with me. Right.

[687] That's not the way that's going to go.

[688] Good luck.

[689] Yeah, so you know what?

[690] I got to lay in the bed that I made, buddy.

[691] Or start a reality show.

[692] Two baby mama's in Toronto.

[693] That's the name of the show.

[694] Yeah, right.

[695] Two Americans in Toronto.

[696] Two baby mommas and Russell Peters in Toronto.

[697] I got to buy three houses.

[698] Fuck that.

[699] No, you don't.

[700] You buy one big house, and that's how you film it.

[701] You have the East West.

[702] Yeah, I'll take the center.

[703] You guys are Eastern West.

[704] Yeah, you have division.

[705] I'm the referee.

[706] I walk around with a foot locker shirt on all day.

[707] Yeah, you all meet in the middle.

[708] You set up like a gymnasium for the kids in the middle.

[709] Everything's fun, games in the middle.

[710] Girls can talk shit to each other.

[711] Oh, yeah.

[712] No, that's no good.

[713] That's no good.

[714] I don't want that to be my life.

[715] It's already my life.

[716] I don't want it to be any further my life.

[717] Well, you've got to think what are comedians going to do if it gets to a point where there really is no more income from stand -up anymore?

[718] I mean, I'm legitimately concerned that this is going to last a lot longer than people think.

[719] I'm definitely concerned.

[720] Yeah.

[721] I mean, you know, this thing kicked me in the nuts pretty good, this whole thing.

[722] And there's the reason I'm out there doing dates, you know, putting it on the line just because I have to.

[723] Yeah.

[724] You know.

[725] Well, you're in.

[726] income is solely from stand -up solely and we all thought that was fine yeah everybody I mean if this didn't happen I wouldn't even be in any kind of situation right right yeah yeah like yeah everything's good yeah but it uh there's only certain people who really blossomed in this and you're one of them well Schultz Andrew Schultz figured out how to do COVID comedy better than anybody his videos that he does on Instagram turn the phone sideways amazing I watch every single one of those and I'm like god damn this kid's good they're so good they're so well written and they're so fast and the pace and just his timing and and his insight and he does a little little blinds little jokes in there i like when he takes a little jabs at everybody yes he's a he's a wizard at this stuff yeah yeah how old is andrew he's in his 30s uh 36 maybe yeah just old enough to be smart enough he knows what the fuck he's doing yeah but still young and wild you know he's one of those there's a few guys that are coming up that are look in this day and age with social media and cancel culture it's very hard to be a wild comedian yeah you know in our day when we were first starting there were no rules there was no rules fucking wild west back then you were wild because everybody else was wild and that was what you enjoyed like i enjoy wild comedy i've always enjoyed kinnison and prior and when joey diaz is going off like that's that's my favorite that's what i like you know and so that's what we all did.

[727] But to be a guy like Schultz today is, it's a lot riskier.

[728] To be Tim Dillon today, a lot riskier.

[729] Yeah.

[730] These guys, but they figured it out, you know, because they're from the culture that is canceling people.

[731] So they know the inside of it.

[732] They know, like, they kind of know the lines in it.

[733] The lines move, though.

[734] That's what's weird.

[735] Yeah.

[736] I mean, the lines are very blurred right now.

[737] Yeah.

[738] And I keep thinking, you know, I say it on stage, too, but I'm like, you know, If they're going to cancel it for what you're saying, they're not paying attention to intent.

[739] They're not looking at the look in your face when you say something.

[740] They don't look in your eyes.

[741] There's a lot of cadence involved in a lot of things that you say that take the sting right out of.

[742] And then I even said, if I was to read a transcript of everything I said tonight, I'm like, this guy's a piece of shit and let's get rid of him.

[743] There's also temporary thoughts that go down as permanent record.

[744] You know, especially if you're doing a podcast, you're just riffing.

[745] You're talking shit.

[746] You're trying to make each other laugh.

[747] And if you take that and make it a permanent record, like, this is how this person feels forever.

[748] When this one airs, how many people got, get that son of a bitch, get the fuck out of America if you don't like it here?

[749] That's what I'm going to hear.

[750] You're going to get a lot of that.

[751] And I'm like, no, you fuck.

[752] I love it here.

[753] You haven't said one bad thing about America, though.

[754] Well, no, the minute you say anything and you're not American, you automatically get the fuck out is what you get.

[755] What do you have to do to be American -American?

[756] You have a green card.

[757] Have a green card.

[758] What do you do to do to make the lead?

[759] I've got a tattoo.

[760] You need an eagle tattoo?

[761] Two.

[762] An eagle with a dick shaped like a gun.

[763] Uh -huh.

[764] How about that?

[765] Waring a ghee.

[766] Yes.

[767] I like it.

[768] But the ghee is kind of originally Japanese.

[769] I know, but I think I just in honor of.

[770] Okay.

[771] American Eagle with a ghee.

[772] American Geagle.

[773] Do you have any tattoos?

[774] None.

[775] None?

[776] You thought about it?

[777] I think about it now and then.

[778] I remember when you had none.

[779] I had one.

[780] You had one little one on my shoulder.

[781] Yeah.

[782] And that was like, in the past 10 years, you've definitely done a transformation.

[783] Well, what I did was I wanted to get a sleeve, and I did want it to be patchwork, so I wanted to do it all one piece.

[784] So I went to Aaron Della Vadova down at Guru Tattoo in San Diego, and we planned it out, and he drew all these sketches of what it would look like.

[785] And, you know, it was a thought -out thing.

[786] What was it?

[787] What is your sleeve, the first one?

[788] It's a dragon that's wrapped around this Buddha that's holding a DMT molecule.

[789] It's pretty wild shit.

[790] yeah i just wanted i wanted art you know yeah just and everybody's like oh you got a tattoo you're gonna keep it for the rest of your life well that's not that long yeah guess what you know yeah like what's better old skin people like what's gonna look like when you're old i guess what all old skin looks like shit yeah i at one point wanted a boxing glove holding a microphone oh glad you didn't do that no i'm not glad because i never got it every time somebody would draw it for me i was like it doesn't look good when i was in high school everybody had a fucking tasmanian devil with boxing glove That was the thing I don't know why Then it became the tribal art It became the thing Oh yeah Or barbed wire around your bicep Yeah Or your ankle if you're a gal Or a dude who likes dudes Yeah And then they would do like The tribal zigzags all over their back And I'm like Listen you can tell That's like a timestamp on you now Yep So you were you were really big into tattoos 10 years ago were you Yeah the tribal thing's weird Right like why did that come in and go out Because it was white guys doing it who were never part of a fucking tribe it can't be tribal if you were never in a tribe that's so true like why do you have tribal shit out what tribe are you from I'm fucking Los Files bro you're not even from a tribe called Quest that's so true white guys from no tribe because the tribal people still do it do they though not like those kind of tattoos I mean like the Maori tattoos and all that the Samoan shit that's crazy yeah that's different That's, like, real hardcore tattooing.

[791] Oh, they tap it in there, too.

[792] Yeah.

[793] A lot of guys, like, there's a bunch of UFC fighters.

[794] Taitui Vasa, who has that shit from his waist down, like, his legs, he's got, like, shorts made out of it.

[795] You know, a lot of those guys, they do it tapping.

[796] So they lay there, and the guy has the stick.

[797] You've seen the tapping?

[798] Yeah, yeah.

[799] It looks painful as fuck.

[800] It's got to be.

[801] Never done it.

[802] My buddy Sturgle, he has one of those, he's got, like, a quarter sleeve that he's, I just like that his name is Sturgle.

[803] Sturgle Simpson.

[804] That's a legit southern there.

[805] It's like they wanted the name of Sterling and Virgil.

[806] And they were like, okay, we're going to call him Sturgle.

[807] Yeah, that's a good name.

[808] For him, it's perfect.

[809] Like, he's Sturgle.

[810] And he's got one of his tattoos he got from a Japanese master.

[811] And that's how they did it with the tapping.

[812] It's a long, laborious process.

[813] But that's a thing, like a lot of people that are real Japanese tattoo officionados, they'll go to Japan to get tattooed.

[814] That's how the yakuza gets it, right?

[815] Mm -hmm, yeah.

[816] Some of them.

[817] I'm sure some of them get it the other way now.

[818] But they can do shit with tattoos now.

[819] It's like, the art form has evolved to this crazy place where they can do like photorealistic tattoos now.

[820] That's incredible.

[821] You ever seen Steve Butcher, you know what that dude is?

[822] No, but I've seen some of the guys that have your logo tattooed on them.

[823] Dude, a lot of them.

[824] And it's incredible how fucking realistic it looks.

[825] I stopped posting them on Instagram because I was getting so many of them.

[826] Yeah.

[827] And then someone posted, yeah, that's Steve Butcher, he did me. That's insane.

[828] It's insane.

[829] Well, he's insane, period.

[830] He's really fucking talented.

[831] Somebody got the Michael Jordan.

[832] See, I would do some dumb shit like that if I got a tattoo, probably.

[833] You know who's great to?

[834] Go to Ash Lewis, Ash, Ash, Lewis tattoo.

[835] He's got some amazing shit, too.

[836] There's that whole style of tattoos now.

[837] Stan Lee.

[838] Look at that.

[839] Yeah, that's really incredible when they get that.

[840] Like, yeah, I guess if I was...

[841] Look on that Stanley one, Jamie.

[842] Let me take a look at that.

[843] Look at that.

[844] Fuck, man. Like, if I was to do...

[845] If I was to do it, I would do one like that.

[846] Like a photorealistic one?

[847] Yeah.

[848] Of both your baby's mama giving you the finger.

[849] Yeah.

[850] On one on each thigh.

[851] I don't know if my thighs are big enough.

[852] Oh, look at Robin Williams.

[853] That's amazing.

[854] Yeah, but he got the worst movie ever, Patch Adams.

[855] That's hilarious That has to be a joke Like Patch Adams Have you ever seen Patch Adams I didn't watch I mean I probably did at the time But I don't remember it It's I don't remember the premise It's something really ridiculous It's like a clown That works with cancer patients or something Something along those lines Yeah yeah no he was a doctor Who would use It was based on a real true story Would you say Jamie Yes Yeah it was a doctor Who would come in and do silly things To make the patients laugh To try and help their spirits Yeah, but it was bad Because they all died anyway Yeah, but they died with great spirit It was a really happy death they had He was a rough one man When that guy hung himself I was like, oh Yeah, you know, I never got to meet him I met him once at the improv It was crazy I didn't know I was meeting him Until like five minutes into the conversation I realized it was Robin Williams How long ago was that?

[856] Years ago, obviously he's dead Yeah So not recent no um i don't remember but i did a show at the improv it was quite a few years ago i was it was during the time of the podcast i did a show at the improv and then um afterwards i'm shaking hands with people and taking pictures and this very slight older man with a beard a heavy beard wearing a baseball hat comes up and he's like really complimentary but he obviously knows a lot about stand -up he's asking me questions about writing and questions about you know like certain bits like like really laughing and then I'm like holy fuck this is Robin Williams yeah like I was like oh thanks man I really appreciate it that's really cool and like I just think he's some cool guy and then I realized in the middle of the conversation this is Robin fucking Williams because he's got hit this crazy thick -ass white beard yeah you always grew a real bushy beard I think he was hiding man you know I think for a lot of folks that are like real sensitive and he's obviously a real sensitive guy that um that place of being that fame It's fucking overwhelming.

[857] That famous and known for whether you are or not, but you're known for being always like on.

[858] Yeah.

[859] And then there's the pressure of having to be on now so you don't disappoint the illusion.

[860] Yeah.

[861] And that's got to be fucking taxing.

[862] It's got to be.

[863] Always on.

[864] And then just also, you know, it's just the pressure of everyone recognizing you, everywhere you go.

[865] I think one of the best recognitions I got was Bob Newhart.

[866] Oh, that's a good.

[867] Like 10 years ago, he, I didn't even know he knew I existed, but he had invited me to be, he was getting inducted into the Television Hall of Fame for 50 years in the business or something.

[868] And he wanted me to be there on behalf of the younger generation.

[869] I'm like, are you serious?

[870] And I remember I sat with Fred Willard and Manix, what's his name?

[871] Tom Connors, that's name?

[872] Chuck Connors.

[873] Okay.

[874] Yeah, I sat beside them while we were doing it.

[875] And I was like, this is incredible.

[876] And then that they had a private dinner after, and I was sitting at the table with Fred Willard.

[877] And then the guy that was on bosom buddies with Tom Hanks.

[878] Oh, wow.

[879] Where's that guy?

[880] Peter Scolari.

[881] That's name.

[882] Oh, okay.

[883] Yeah, right.

[884] And then Don Rickles was there.

[885] And Bob was just so fucking, he's still alive.

[886] And I actually been meaning to call him just to check in.

[887] on the guy but um but he was so funny i remember he was about to make it he got up to make a speech it was like this private dinner we had he gets up to make a speech and this woman is like bob is this going to be funny is this a funny speech and and everyone's like who is this fucking broad yelling at is it's going to be funny bob bob it's going to be funny and bob new or just goes why don't we all find out together and i was like it's fucking perfect it's so perfect the perfect response it is perfect it wasn't like hey shut up was like why don't we all find out together god that is just that's some people it's like a master talking you know yeah i mean it's a lob she lobbed and he smashed it yeah yeah some people are just so dull -minded oh we get it is it gonna be funny like she needed to know she needed to know from him yeah bob how she would react to this you know who's the first famous person that came to your show um number i don't remember the first first payments well back in the mid 90s the raptors used to come to my shows in Toronto a lot of them because we would do this black comedy night once a month Kenny Robinson had the newbie and disciples of prior all black comedy show was the ABC of NDP and it started in April of 1995 and those shows would sell out every month to the point where I had every gangster in the city call me yo I need you to put me on the list I'm like wow man you're fucking killing me dude He goes, yo, don't embarrass me when I get there, make sure I'm on, I'm like, fuck.

[888] Oh, no. And I'm like, I go, Kenny, I got to put so -and -so on the list.

[889] Is he going to bring guns?

[890] I go, I don't know what he's going to bring, but if he gets in and there's no problem, you'll have no problems.

[891] Oh, boy.

[892] Did you have metal detectors?

[893] No. There was a shooting at the store one night.

[894] I remember that.

[895] That was a couple of years ago.

[896] The guy shot a guy on the patio.

[897] Different time.

[898] Yeah, that's a different time.

[899] That's someone, that was a murder.

[900] That was someone came to kill somebody.

[901] there was a shooting in the main room one night I think I believe Tupac was there really yeah yeah I was off that night it wasn't there was that that must have been maybe tripping on Tuesdays or something I don't know I don't know um they used to have fat Tuesdays oh fat Tuesdays that's right yeah yeah and then Guy Torrey took it over and had tripping on Tuesdays is that what it was yeah yeah and then Chris Spencer took it over Guy Tori used to get up in the morning and do East Coast radio from his home in L .A. I couldn't do that shit.

[902] He would do it like five days a week.

[903] I'm most positive that he did that.

[904] I had Guy and Joe over in my house as well.

[905] We were in the backyard having cigars.

[906] Do you remember when Joe used to host Def Jam and he was jacked?

[907] Yeah, he's still in great shape.

[908] He does a lot of martial arts as well.

[909] Does he?

[910] Yeah.

[911] What did he do?

[912] He did some taekwine.

[913] And he did some Greco -Roman wrestling and stuff like that.

[914] No shit.

[915] Yeah.

[916] But he was one of the first guys ever to be funny and jacked.

[917] Yeah, but he, listen, he was one of my favorites.

[918] I think he's one of the reasons, too, that I talk to the crowd so much because I used to watch him do that and I go, I love that.

[919] Yeah.

[920] I know you hate when I do it, but.

[921] Well, it's not that I hate it.

[922] If I go on afterwards, they want to talk to me, too.

[923] No, see, I don't get them talking.

[924] I just ask him questions.

[925] And the way I ask him questions, it doesn't open it up for a conversation.

[926] It opens up to that they want to shut up now.

[927] I try to approach it that way, like a jab, you know?

[928] I get it.

[929] I understand.

[930] I want to make sure you're good when you go on.

[931] I understand.

[932] I get it out of their system, Joe.

[933] Well, you like to do that to, that's how you form material, right?

[934] That's exactly, yeah, it's exactly how I write.

[935] I remember you and I felt bad after last time we had dinner.

[936] He yelled at me, like, just fucking stop being lazy.

[937] And I go, listen, Joe, this is my process.

[938] I definitely didn't yell at you.

[939] Well, you know, you talked very.

[940] You said, no, you said I can't write.

[941] And I said you definitely can write.

[942] Don't say you can't write.

[943] You definitely can write.

[944] You just don't do it.

[945] It's true.

[946] Everybody can write.

[947] Yeah.

[948] I mean, I used to write, but I need pen and a pad.

[949] I got to go do it the old school way.

[950] Yeah.

[951] Well, it's like for us, we're also ADD.

[952] It's hard to just sit alone.

[953] Just sit alone with your thoughts.

[954] But I feel like there's a bunch of different things you can do.

[955] You can write on stage, which is great.

[956] You can write throughout the day.

[957] Just have ideas, then run them on stage.

[958] All that's great.

[959] But nothing's preventing you from actually sitting in writing.

[960] as well.

[961] And I feel like when you sit and write, you have an opportunity to develop different concepts, different ideas.

[962] And I get it.

[963] And I've been meaning to this whole quarantine, but I thought I would be the most motivated guy.

[964] I think every comic thought we were going to come out of this quarantine with an entire new act that was so fucking well written and everybody I talked to were like, what'd you do?

[965] Nothing.

[966] I couldn't fucking sit down and do it.

[967] I didn't write at all.

[968] No, me neither.

[969] I didn't write it all on purpose.

[970] First of all, because I didn't know how I felt.

[971] because it was like this was like when this shit locked down first of all everybody thought it like large percentage of us were going to die right yeah we didn't know what the fuck was happening nobody knew we saw the footage from china where they're driving on the streets spraying that stuff into the the buildings we didn't know so we thought like man what if we all like what if we're losing a lot of our friends i was worried about Diaz I was worried about Tim Dillon I was worried about big people I was worried about older people you know Joey was one of the guys who checked on me weekly.

[972] He checks on everybody.

[973] He's awesome.

[974] Yeah, he's fucking great.

[975] He was like, I love you, brother.

[976] He's checking on you.

[977] How's everything?

[978] Tell me something, good, cock sucker.

[979] Yeah.

[980] He's a beautiful person.

[981] He really is.

[982] It is shocking what a sweet human being he is.

[983] Yeah, he's so gruff on the outside.

[984] And his stories are so crazy that people get this distorted impression of who he is.

[985] But Joey Diaz is a saint.

[986] And you would want to think that he's going to want to hang out with everybody and party.

[987] He does not like that shit at all.

[988] He gets the fuck out of there.

[989] Yeah.

[990] Too many people, I got to go.

[991] Yeah.

[992] One person asks me the wrong fucking question.

[993] I'm out of there.

[994] Yeah, he just likes to go in and crush and then get out of there like a legend.

[995] It's great.

[996] Still drives a Subaru.

[997] I'm like, Joey, please get a nice car.

[998] Get a Cadillac.

[999] Fuck, I need that for it, Joe.

[1000] Yeah, that's him.

[1001] I don't give a fuck about that shit, Joe Rogan.

[1002] What am I going to do with a fucking Cadillac?

[1003] What did you get?

[1004] Did you get anything to celebrate your Spotify thing?

[1005] Did you buy a nice car for yourself?

[1006] No, no, I've bought anything.

[1007] No?

[1008] I have enough cars.

[1009] Yeah, you do.

[1010] I think it's enough.

[1011] Maybe a watch or something, something that says, hey.

[1012] No, no. I'm just living like I always lived.

[1013] Just trying to concentrate on doing good shows, trying to concentrate on when, especially when Spotify launches, I want to just get real good guests and be prepared.

[1014] And I want to, you know, I'm always trying to.

[1015] That's why I'm glad I'm on now before you're stuck getting good guests again.

[1016] Fuck, yeah, you're coming on, bitch.

[1017] I'm always trying to, you know, do.

[1018] my best.

[1019] That's what I concentrate on.

[1020] I feel like if I steer away from that in anything, I fuck up.

[1021] Yeah, no, you got to just keep it what you're doing.

[1022] Yeah, just keep trying to do my best and not even thinking about all that other stuff.

[1023] I remember when they would be in your house.

[1024] You'd walk in and it was right on the right -hand side in that little -ass room.

[1025] My little office, yeah.

[1026] That was the studio.

[1027] Yeah, that was the first time I did it.

[1028] It was December of 2010.

[1029] Nobody was watching.

[1030] Nobody.

[1031] And you were like, you want to do it?

[1032] I go, yeah, I don't even know what it is, but I'll do it.

[1033] We would have like 200 people viewing live.

[1034] Yes, you were doing the live ones too.

[1035] It was Red Band who figured that shit out already.

[1036] Well, that's how we started it.

[1037] We started it on a laptop with Ustream, just answering questions.

[1038] Ustream, that's what it was.

[1039] Yeah, Ustream.

[1040] And then we moved over to YouTube later on, but it was just for fun.

[1041] The YouTube clips keep me very entertained on the road.

[1042] Yeah?

[1043] Yeah, I'll go look for a subject that I want to hear about, And there'll be like a 12 to 15 minute clip.

[1044] Oh, perfect.

[1045] Well, that's one of the good things about the Spotify deals.

[1046] What Spotify is going to do is they're going to organize things.

[1047] Like all the health and wellness podcasts are going to be organized.

[1048] All the fitness ones, all the martial arts ones, all the ones with scientists, all the ones on archaeology, animals, paleontology, all the different ones are going to be organized so you could actually search shit.

[1049] Have you thought about doing a podcast?

[1050] I have thought about it, yeah.

[1051] This is the perfect time, Russell Peters.

[1052] I mean, I really want to, but I, you know.

[1053] Come on, baby.

[1054] Can you put me on under your wing?

[1055] Everybody wants that.

[1056] Not really wing, just let me use a space or something.

[1057] Figure it out and I'll fucking, I'll tweet it for you.

[1058] That'll help, actually.

[1059] Yeah, I'll tell people.

[1060] I mean, you know, I do on Instagram live a lot.

[1061] I'll talk to like, like I'll pull up, like, you know, look, who's there?

[1062] And I'm like, oh, look, there's crazy legs from rock steady crew.

[1063] And I'll add him, we'll do like a live chat and we'll, and it's not the basic, hey, so tell me about breakdancing.

[1064] We just have a conversation and it's actually really good.

[1065] Well, that's cool.

[1066] And then I get like, you know, I'll have a, you know, a rapper, one of my favorite rappers will be on or something, you know, and it's just fun shit.

[1067] You know who I was hanging out with in Houston?

[1068] Willie D. I saw that.

[1069] Yes, Willie D from the ghetto boys.

[1070] Dude, I hadn't done stand -up in like 90 -plus days, and Willie came down to the show.

[1071] That was this weekend, right?

[1072] This weekend, yeah.

[1073] And he's like, which show should I come to Mike?

[1074] Please come to the second show.

[1075] Yeah.

[1076] I don't want a bomb in front of Willie D, but it was even the first show was fun.

[1077] It was great.

[1078] It went great.

[1079] First of all, the audience was so enthusiastic.

[1080] People were so happy to be out and so happy to do things.

[1081] And the day we got there, we weren't even show.

[1082] I was with Brian Moses and Tony Hinchcliffe, and we weren't sure whether or not we were going to even be able to do the show.

[1083] I've seen Brian.

[1084] I don't think he can do the show.

[1085] I'm just kidding.

[1086] Come on, Brian.

[1087] Come on Moses.

[1088] He killed.

[1089] But we got there and there was a stage one COVID alert that they had moved back to stage one.

[1090] Or phase one.

[1091] I was like, what does that mean?

[1092] And they're like, well, they're closing down all the bars.

[1093] I'm like, oh, fuck.

[1094] I thought we're going to have to literally get on the plane and go back home.

[1095] Yeah.

[1096] But then they said, nope, we're going to just keep the shows rolling.

[1097] And then Houston is Texas, and Texas is different.

[1098] They just, they're closing down the bars, but they keep the restaurants open at 50 % capacity.

[1099] I really like Texas.

[1100] I love it there.

[1101] I know.

[1102] Like, I think I could move to Texas, but I couldn't go where you're going to go.

[1103] Where would you go?

[1104] Dallas?

[1105] Yeah, Dallas.

[1106] I love Dallas.

[1107] I like Dallas a lot.

[1108] or Houston maybe, but Dallas probably more likely.

[1109] I love all of them, man. I just love Texas.

[1110] I love the attitude.

[1111] I do.

[1112] It's very diverse, too.

[1113] It feels like its own country.

[1114] Yeah, there's all kinds of shit.

[1115] And I think it gets a bum rap for a lot of things.

[1116] I mean, I'm sure those things exist over there, but I don't think that's what it's about over there.

[1117] Definitely not Austin.

[1118] Austin is a really open -minded, interesting place.

[1119] It's like a hipster city.

[1120] Yeah, it's an interesting place.

[1121] It's, um, I had a good time, like, going and watching live bands and shit in Austin.

[1122] You know, they've got some great music, stuff like that.

[1123] Sixth Street.

[1124] Yeah.

[1125] But listen, that heat is intense over there.

[1126] I like heat.

[1127] No, I like heat too, but, dude, it's a fucking dumb heat.

[1128] Like, I even, I'm like, God damn, if an Indian guy's complaining about the heat, something's wrong with the heat, dude.

[1129] It's good for you, though.

[1130] It's good for you, that moist heat.

[1131] It was, uh, we shot a movie there, me and Phazon about five years ago.

[1132] Damn, I haven't seen Phazon forever.

[1133] Phazon's great.

[1134] You should have them one.

[1135] You know, you'd have a movie.

[1136] have a fucking great conversation with phase on he's really intelligent despite his exterior he's actually got a lot of uh he's got a lot of interesting uh perceptive thoughts uh very very good dude too he's a great guy solid guy and you guys were in texas yeah we were shooting one day so one day we were shooting was like the hottest day of the year that day it was like in july i think it was like a hundred and eighteen or something like that oh so texas 118's different oh it's not a good 118.

[1137] So we were supposed to shoot the scene outside.

[1138] They were like, fuck, it's too hot.

[1139] We'll shoot it under this bridge for shade.

[1140] And it was a scene where these kids are breakdancing and then I jump in and break dance with them.

[1141] So I had to like do a top rock and some waves and shit.

[1142] But I'm like, dude, an action and reset.

[1143] I'm like, no, dude, I'm going to fucking dive.

[1144] So we shoot the whole day of this thing and I'm fucking dead.

[1145] I'm wearing a blue shirt so you can see when I sweat and everything.

[1146] Then I'm like, oh, thank God.

[1147] That's over.

[1148] And they go, okay, we're relocating over there.

[1149] going to do the roller skating.

[1150] It's going to go on the hottest fucking day of the year.

[1151] You want me to roller skate outside?

[1152] Yeah, we're going to do it.

[1153] That's the thing about movies, right?

[1154] They've got to jam those 12 -hour days in.

[1155] Oh, yeah.

[1156] We were doing 14 to 15 -hour days because it was non -union.

[1157] Oh.

[1158] Movies are hard, man. You know, it's not a hard like coal mining, but it's hard in that it beats you up.

[1159] A lot of comics that wind up getting into movies, their act sort of suffers.

[1160] Yeah, well, it's one or the other.

[1161] Yes.

[1162] You can't be you on the movie set You got to be that character Well I always told everybody that I bet that's why Eddie Murphy Stop doing stand -up I mean it's just like his His movies are doing so good And he You're more insulated in that world too Yeah, you got too It's almost like it's a better way to do it Yeah What do you think he's going to be like when he comes back Who knows if he's gonna?

[1163] I mean it's a lot of money on the line for him I'm sure he's got a lot of money But I mean shit I watched Norbert the other night I've been talking to people about it.

[1164] I saw you post about it.

[1165] Bro, it's fucking funny, man. It's funny.

[1166] We watched Coming to America the next night.

[1167] Family Movie Night.

[1168] What was that movie he did with Owen Moulson?

[1169] I Spy or something like that?

[1170] Something Spy.

[1171] I spy, wasn't it?

[1172] I don't know.

[1173] It was actually a really good movie.

[1174] I enjoyed that movie a lot.

[1175] He's done a lot of fucking movies, man. He's one of those guys where his movies don't get the respect that they deserve for some strange reason.

[1176] like what was that one that he did with Steve Martin Bowfinger That is a fucking great movie Do you know the story behind that right?

[1177] No But the Heather Graham character Was allegedly Anne Hash It was based on Ann Hash Really?

[1178] That's what I heard Based on her Yeah How she was dating Steve Martin Then she ended up with a woman Yeah And then ended up What did she end up with?

[1179] He ended up with Ellen DeGeneres That's right And then she ended up marrying a man after that That's right Just keep it moving Yeah, whoever's going to take me. I'm good with it.

[1180] Actually, met her, and she's very nice, too.

[1181] Whatever happened to her, man?

[1182] I don't know.

[1183] She was shooting a series up in Canada for a little while.

[1184] That's where I met her.

[1185] But, you know, the problem with Eddie, not the problem, what happened with Eddie was his movies in the 80s were so fucking huge.

[1186] You know, it's like opening with a phenomenal joke, and then the rest of your act, you can't follow it, despite how good the rest of the jokes are.

[1187] But so many of those movies were still really good.

[1188] They just didn't get their respect for some reason.

[1189] Beverly Hills Cop, 48 hours, coming to America, trading places.

[1190] I mean, hit after hit after hit, not like a little bit of a hit.

[1191] He was the man. And then, you know, you got another 48 hours, and then you got Beverly Hills Cop 2 and 3.

[1192] Yes.

[1193] Even they were good.

[1194] Yes.

[1195] That was the first time I saw sequels that were like, wow, that's just as fucking good as the first one.

[1196] But wasn't there like a time period where he wasn't doing films or they weren't as popular?

[1197] And then you get films like Bowfinger and.

[1198] Yeah, so I think after.

[1199] He did that one movie.

[1200] It was like a, like a military kind of movie in the late 80s.

[1201] It was somewhere around.

[1202] Did you try to branch out or something?

[1203] After Golden Child, it kind of fell apart a little bit.

[1204] Oh, is that what it was?

[1205] Yeah.

[1206] Was that pre or post, My Girl Wants to Party all the time?

[1207] That was Post.

[1208] Okay, so that was an issue.

[1209] Yeah.

[1210] That was, but that, you know Finis Henderson?

[1211] Yeah, sure.

[1212] Yeah.

[1213] You know, he wrote that for Eddie?

[1214] Really?

[1215] Yeah, apparently.

[1216] Finest told me he wrote it for him.

[1217] Wow.

[1218] He was, yeah, I used to help Eddie with that back in the day.

[1219] Because Finest was actually a really big, he had a really big song back in the day called Skip to My Lou.

[1220] Really?

[1221] Yeah, it was a really dope R &B track, like early 80s.

[1222] I remember I was in New York City and Eddie Murphy had that song.

[1223] No, I was in Boston.

[1224] I was in Boston and Eddie Murphy had that song come out.

[1225] And I was like, this guy can do anything.

[1226] That was one of those things where like when a person does it.

[1227] And Rick James produced it for him.

[1228] Did he really?

[1229] Oh, that makes sense.

[1230] Yeah.

[1231] Yeah.

[1232] There's some of those guys that could just kind of do anything.

[1233] They can do movies, they can do comedy.

[1234] He's got a reggae album out now, you know that?

[1235] What?

[1236] It came out like three years ago, I think.

[1237] Yeah.

[1238] Eddie Murphy?

[1239] Yeah, a couple of years ago.

[1240] Eddie Murphy released a reggae album.

[1241] See, I always feel like with certain dudes, like whether it's him or Jamie Fox or dudes who just have this really diverse set of skills, they're probably just always doing something whether you know about it or not.

[1242] They got, they're just, creatives that can't stop creating.

[1243] And then they get, you know, I think the thing with a lot of people are creative.

[1244] And a lot of people, I think what you need is the...

[1245] What is this?

[1246] Eddie Murphy.

[1247] That's the reggae.

[1248] Red Light featuring Snoop Dog.

[1249] Whoa.

[1250] Technically Snoop Lion.

[1251] Look at this.

[1252] He's playing guitar?

[1253] Yeah, he plays instruments and shit.

[1254] Okay, we can't play any of it, but...

[1255] It's a flash that.

[1256] I'm going to have to go and get this now.

[1257] That's crazy.

[1258] But I'm not shocked.

[1259] I'm not shocked, man. I'm not shocked.

[1260] And I know he was thinking about doing stand -up again, but I do not know if he's actually doing stand -up.

[1261] So, I was at his house, January of last year, January 2019.

[1262] Tiffany Hadish took me to his house.

[1263] And it was this night that I was really not supposed to be there.

[1264] I wasn't invited, but Tiffany was like, come with me!

[1265] And I'm like, hell yeah.

[1266] So I went, and it was this incredible fucking night at Eddie Murphy's house where I walked downstairs the first person I see is Jamie Fox I was like hey man what's up I'm like what's up Jamie and he's like yeah and then I turn I see Neil Brennan and then I look at the bar and I see Sasha Beroncone and Ila Fisher sitting at the bar and I'm like what the fuck have I then I see Kimmel then I see Bill Hater and then I hear behind me yeah is this what you comedians always do hang out with each other and I turn around and it's Q -Tip from a tribe called Quest and I'm like what up tip and they're like what the fuck is I'm going, what have I walked into?

[1267] Wow.

[1268] And then Jeff Ross was there, and then Chappelle came, Chris Rock came.

[1269] Whoa.

[1270] And I was like, what have I fucking walked into?

[1271] But the good thing is, you know, because you were comics, we all know each other.

[1272] And then, you know, I'd only met Eddie once for like a split second at a fight.

[1273] And he knew my name then, but when I walked in the basement, he goes, hey, Russell, thanks for coming.

[1274] I'm like, Eddie Murphy knows my name.

[1275] That's all I can think of.

[1276] Holy shit, Eddie Murphy knows my name.

[1277] I met him once with Charlie.

[1278] I ran into Charlie.

[1279] Charlie was so great.

[1280] He was such a sweet guy.

[1281] Charlie and I did a tour together for Maxim, the Bud Light Comedy Tour, with John Heffron.

[1282] And then just randomly, I was in Maui.

[1283] And just Charlie was in Maui.

[1284] And I went over and sat with him and Eddie Murphy was weird.

[1285] It was so strange.

[1286] How was he when he was with Charlie?

[1287] He's real friendly, man Yeah, he was really nice It was like nothing weird about him No, he's super friendly First words, he goes You have funny motherfucker Yeah I was like, oh my God Yeah, these are the things Am I faint Yeah dude I I was like that whole night I honestly didn't say a fucking word To anybody I was just in shock The entire time I was just like I know Every time I turn my head And then I was standing in a doorway Like that And it's It's me standing beside Eddie And then Chris Rock Jamie and Neil Brennan, and they're all trying to convince him to do stand -up again.

[1288] Wow.

[1289] And I'm just there, like, I have nothing to add to this conversation.

[1290] Like, I'm not on Jamie's level.

[1291] I'm not on Chris's level.

[1292] You know, Neil Credit Shepalje.

[1293] I'm like, I'm just there, but they didn't make me feel like, what are you doing here?

[1294] They made me feel included, so that was nice.

[1295] That is nice.

[1296] But, you know, there was like, Eddie was like, I haven't done it in 30 years.

[1297] I'm like, I'm pretty sure you've still got it.

[1298] Oh, he's got it.

[1299] He said he's got about five minutes.

[1300] It's got about five minutes, but you guys are out there doing it every day.

[1301] And I know he wants to do it.

[1302] But it depends on how he approaches it, you know.

[1303] Well, it depends on how he feels.

[1304] Like, if he just decides he wants to do it.

[1305] The thing about stand -up is that you have to do it in front of people.

[1306] You know, you got to go out there and do it in front of people.

[1307] Yeah, there's no theory to it.

[1308] Right.

[1309] Yeah.

[1310] It's not like music.

[1311] You can create an album, which is you and your friends.

[1312] You can't really create a comedy set without being at a, place where you're going to have random people come and pay money to see you talk and that's the other problem he's got overcome is that people are going to be coming expecting you know maybe they're expecting delirious or raw coming out of him right he's a 60 year old man now yep yeah he's got fucking 10 or 11 kids I think he does yeah it's a there's a when I met him when I was at his house his his baby was only maybe a couple months old or a month old wow and then uh end of the night and I got stuck in the basement of his house.

[1313] What happened?

[1314] Well, everyone was leaving, and I didn't know where Tiffany went.

[1315] And I'm literally standing against the wall, and I'm the only uninvited guy there, really.

[1316] Do you know what I mean?

[1317] Like, all the Netflix people were there, and I'm like, oh, boy, I don't know what the fuck.

[1318] And I'm looking around and I don't know where the fuck Tiffany went.

[1319] And finally, like, as me and then eight of Eddie's kids were sitting at this one table, and I'm just standing there like a creep, like right across from them.

[1320] and I see Kenya Barris going upstairs and I was like Kenya don't leave without me so I left I went up with him and as you walked up they had the door open to suggest just get the fuck out of the house and I was like said the lady hey I came with Tiffany and she's kind of my ride because she did she picked me up and I'm like I don't know where she is and then they were like oh I think she went to the backyard I go okay and I'm like I don't what am I supposed to do with that I'm not going to go walking around the guys out right where do you get How do you get to the backyard?

[1321] One of his, thank God.

[1322] One of his sons was walking by and goes, oh, I'll take you the backyard.

[1323] And I'll say, oh, thank goodness.

[1324] So I'll go to the backyard.

[1325] It's a massive backyard.

[1326] This fucking house is insane.

[1327] Where does he live?

[1328] Beverly Hills.

[1329] Of course.

[1330] Yeah.

[1331] But in that really exclusive gated community there, like where Denzel lives.

[1332] Stallone.

[1333] Yeah.

[1334] In these massive houses.

[1335] Yeah.

[1336] Like, I think honestly it was about 30 ,000 square feet to house.

[1337] How weird must that be to be that guy to, like, you know, know those people, who those people are when you're young, and then all of a sudden you're one of them people?

[1338] It's, listen, I mean, I'm still aghast from it a year and a half later.

[1339] I can only imagine.

[1340] I mean, there's like an exclusive A -list celebrity group of humans.

[1341] Yeah.

[1342] And there's, I guess, like, when a guy like him has a party like that, like, those are the only people that are just going to be semi -normal around him.

[1343] Yeah.

[1344] You know, he can't have that late.

[1345] Eddie, is this, is this going to be a funny speech?

[1346] Yeah, no, none of that.

[1347] You can't have no fucking weirdos.

[1348] Can't have any.

[1349] And that's why I didn't want to say anything, because I wasn't sure what I'm, like, am I going to say something stupid and be like, who brought this guy?

[1350] You can't have any normies.

[1351] Yeah, and I felt too normal.

[1352] Yeah.

[1353] I felt, you know, it felt like a mortal.

[1354] Isn't that funny?

[1355] Like, if you go to the comedy story, you fit right in.

[1356] Yeah.

[1357] But if you go, like, when you're around too many celebrities, you do feel like a fraud.

[1358] Yeah, well, and that's the thing, too.

[1359] Like you and I are both friends with Chappelle.

[1360] I've known Dave 25 years.

[1361] And when it's just me and him hanging out, it's literally like me and Dave hanging out.

[1362] Yeah.

[1363] And then, you know, then you go somewhere and then he gets spotted by people and he gets elevates.

[1364] And then you become like, hey, I'll be over here.

[1365] You just carry on over there.

[1366] Dave took me into one of the weirdest parties ever.

[1367] He took me this Naomi Campbell party in the Hollywood Hills.

[1368] And we had a drive up to the house and then you had to take like some weird.

[1369] elevator from the downstairs house to the upstairs house and as we're driving up the upstairs house there's a photo of Naomi Campbell that's like 40 feet tall that's on the side of this building and it's her naked it's a 40 foot tall naked Naomi Campbell and then you're riding on this elevator you get up there Demi Moore's there and Lenny Kravitz is there I'm like this is so strange and Dave said one of the funniest things ever he goes man I would never want to be this famous I go look at me motherfucker you're the most famous person here yeah he's like no way I go yeah you're the most famous person here and we were both laughing about it like you know he became famous without real or maybe doesn't realize it or maybe doesn't think about it which is why he's so funny because he just concentrates on just life he's still dave yeah like when you hang out with him he still has the same sensibilities about him 100 % like when I like when he was shooting half baked in Toronto maybe 24 23 years ago I was with him every day on set I would hang out in his trailer, hang out with his dog.

[1370] He had a little white Pomeranian back then named Thelonius.

[1371] And I would take him for like drives through, like to my hometown, Brampton, Ontario.

[1372] I'd be like, he goes, where the fuck we go?

[1373] And I go, I'm going to take you to this magnetic hill out in Caledon.

[1374] So I took him to this hill you drive down and the car rolls up.

[1375] What?

[1376] It's an optical illusion.

[1377] I still can't figure it out even when you're there, but it looks like you're driving down, the car rolls up the hill.

[1378] You put your car in neutral and it rolls up.

[1379] but it's not really rolling up no it looks like it is and and you can't unsee it you're like it is rolling up but then when you get out and stand that you kind of see that no it's kind of on an angle but because there's a road going up like this above it oh so it looks like it's going down but it really it's not okay yeah it's pretty wild I can't even imagine what that looks like and then there's a road right that we used to call the roller coaster road it's like a really windy road with all these fucking humps and we would drive play like drum and bass and then and I would drive really fast over this road and it felt like a roller coaster.

[1380] Do you hear they're doing a new one?

[1381] What?

[1382] Half big two.

[1383] Are they really?

[1384] Yeah.

[1385] Shut up.

[1386] Was Dave?

[1387] No. Someone's playing Dave's son.

[1388] Who?

[1389] Little Deval?

[1390] I don't know.

[1391] He's too old.

[1392] He's too old, but it would be perfect if he was younger.

[1393] What is this?

[1394] Is this the road?

[1395] He's rolling backwards up a hill.

[1396] That's not it.

[1397] Not it?

[1398] No. It's not a tree -line road like that.

[1399] Magnetic killing.

[1400] But it is very much like that.

[1401] Okay.

[1402] It looks like that.

[1403] And then you roll up and it fucks your whole head up.

[1404] Hmm.

[1405] Interesting.

[1406] But then we went out there and it was like, man, what the fuck we're doing all the way out here?

[1407] And I'm like, don't worry about it, man. I'm sure you this.

[1408] And we took him on the road.

[1409] He's like, oh, that's it right there.

[1410] That's actually it.

[1411] Okay, it looks like you're rolling downhill.

[1412] You guys are idiots.

[1413] No, you're driving.

[1414] You drive downhill.

[1415] Now watch you roll up.

[1416] Dude, you're rolling downhill.

[1417] What?

[1418] I think they show you.

[1419] they put the car in neutral, and then the car starts going backwards.

[1420] Right, because it's going downhill.

[1421] Jesus Christ.

[1422] No, no, no, no. He's going backwards up a hill.

[1423] That's not up?

[1424] Yeah, it is.

[1425] That is definitely not up.

[1426] When you're there, your eyes will deceive you.

[1427] Okay.

[1428] I believe you.

[1429] I don't know.

[1430] Like when you look at it like this, you could see that it's Canadian education.

[1431] You know, it's free.

[1432] Hey, hey, at least it's free.

[1433] It's free here, too.

[1434] It's terrible.

[1435] They're cutting the budget.

[1436] That's one of the responses to COVID.

[1437] They're going to cut the education budget.

[1438] How about you cut your salary, you fucks?

[1439] I don't think they have a good salary of the teachers, do they?

[1440] Not the teachers.

[1441] I'm talking about the politicians.

[1442] Oh, yeah.

[1443] It's not the teachers call to cut their salaries.

[1444] I guarantee you that.

[1445] Sure, the teachers, I'm like, hey, guys, just take my money.

[1446] It's fine.

[1447] I don't think that lighter works anymore.

[1448] It did.

[1449] It'd be a sad time to be in school in L .A. They all have to wear masks, and they're going to have to wear, the teachers have to wear shields over their face.

[1450] My daughter's been Zooming.

[1451] The Zoom's, and then my fucking ex -wife signed her up for summer school.

[1452] I'm like, that sucks, dude.

[1453] You got her on summer school Zoom.

[1454] I'm like, that's not even.

[1455] Oh, that's not school.

[1456] Yeah, I know that's shitty.

[1457] But they're doing camp for some kids.

[1458] They're doing like temperature checks and shit, and they're going to do camp.

[1459] Really?

[1460] No, not her.

[1461] She's doing, like the day before school is her, daddy, is it too late if I don't want to go to summer school?

[1462] I go, baby, I would never have signed you up for summer school, but mommy did.

[1463] We got to do it.

[1464] I mean, she means well, you know.

[1465] The mommy does.

[1466] Yeah.

[1467] No, I'm sure.

[1468] It's also like, I think mommy's want a little bit of a break.

[1469] I would have taken her.

[1470] Yeah.

[1471] You know, if she's fine, she could have been with me. Well, this is a good time to really bond with your kids.

[1472] Well, that's what I, I mean, my daughter, like, you know, wants to be in my house 24 -7 now.

[1473] Daddy's house is the fun house.

[1474] That's why.

[1475] Yeah.

[1476] Oh, I don't have to shower till 10 at night.

[1477] This is awesome.

[1478] Are you going to continue to go on the road?

[1479] And if you do go on the road, are you getting tested, like, every time when you come back?

[1480] Yeah, I think that's the way it's going to have to go.

[1481] Yeah, that's what I've been doing.

[1482] I mean, I'm not doing it anymore, though.

[1483] I'm not doing any more road gigs, not for months.

[1484] I decided after this Houston one, I was like, if I brought it back, I'm like, I'm just doing this for fun.

[1485] It's like, yeah, we're doing stand -up again.

[1486] This is amazing.

[1487] And then I thought about it.

[1488] I'm like, yeah, but if I bring it back, you know, if I catch it.

[1489] Did you fly commercial and everything?

[1490] No. Oh, I was saying smart.

[1491] No. And you didn't do any meet and greets?

[1492] No. No, I tried to do it.

[1493] I did it just for the experience.

[1494] The whole idea was like, let's just go there, let's have fun.

[1495] We'll do it for the experience.

[1496] And then when we come back, we'll reassess.

[1497] But then what freak me out is coming back is like if I gave it to other people, that's the number one fear that I have.

[1498] I had your guy, I had your guy come and test me on one day, Abe.

[1499] Yeah, and he'll get it in 24 hours.

[1500] Yeah, he sent somebody, they did the finger one, which was immediate, and then they did the, other one that came, yeah, I got the results the very next day, which I thought was really great.

[1501] I've been tested, one, seven, nine times, I think, nine times since this thing started.

[1502] Have you been microdosing at all?

[1503] A little bit every now and then.

[1504] Want to do some right now?

[1505] I've never done it.

[1506] Oh, okay.

[1507] You know, I'm the CCO of a company that does a microdosing company?

[1508] Yeah.

[1509] How do they do that if it's all super illegal?

[1510] Well, no, so what it is is, it's a company called Red Light Holland.

[1511] Okay.

[1512] And it's the truffle.

[1513] the truffle so it's the the top the mushroom cap is the illegal part what the stem which is the truffle is not illegal they're going to jail okay listen to me so we're in the process we're in the process of getting it all legalized and done the right way and it'll be available in in the Netherlands first microdosing and and then eventually we're hoping goes the way of marijuana well I think it can right now everything's in flux everything's all fucked up right now particularly in California Chappelle wanted me to do mushrooms with him he said you gotta do mushrooms I go I've never done it because you got to do with me and John Mayer I'm like Oh It's heavy I go if John starts singing Yeah I go you guys are both professionals at this I'm not I don't want to be the guy fucking crying in the corner Are you nervous about it?

[1514] Yeah I don't know what it does Just do a little bit Just do a little Do a little and you're fine Yeah?

[1515] Yeah you just try it out You do a little Should I be alone when I do it?

[1516] The first time you should do it with a friend.

[1517] Who knows how to...

[1518] Yeah, I would say just to take one cap.

[1519] Just something light.

[1520] You'll feel good.

[1521] The mushrooms want you to like them.

[1522] And so the first time you do it, they're going to welcome you.

[1523] They're going to be like, oh, man, this is what you should be doing.

[1524] I'm going to straighten out all your personal problems.

[1525] All these weird personality ticks that you got, all this strange shit that trouble you keep getting yourself in.

[1526] fucking do we'll help you the mushroom's going to talk to you we'll help you and then one day they're going to trick you and take on a large dose and then you're going to meet the aliens and you're going to realize that this this dimension that we live in is it's connected to neighboring dimensions that are accessible through certain psychedelics and then once you see that you can never unsee it you can it's regular life loses its seriousness it loses like 20 % of its serious It's still serious, still regular life, but 20 % of it goes away forever, because you know that that's possible.

[1527] You know that these other worlds exist and that other people are just out there running through their entire life from birth to death, and they never experienced those worlds.

[1528] And that's weird because, like, you're running around.

[1529] Like, I run into people because people know that I've done a lot of psychedelic drugs.

[1530] So I'll run into people that know, and they've done it too, and they look at you, and they'll talk to you.

[1531] You're like, hey, man, you know, I did this because of you.

[1532] Like a buddy of mine said that to me the other day.

[1533] You gave me the courage to try this psychedelic drug.

[1534] And I was like, oh, shit, what was it like?

[1535] What did he take?

[1536] He took DMT.

[1537] And he was like...

[1538] That's a little bit more advanced, I would imagine.

[1539] Mm -hmm.

[1540] And this guy's a, he's a bad motherfucker.

[1541] He's a Navy CEO, but never had any experience like that.

[1542] What was his experience with it?

[1543] Well, I mean, I would have to talk to him more in depth.

[1544] But when everybody does it, what you get when they're describing it is just sort of like trying to use words to describe something where there's no references.

[1545] It's not, the words don't work.

[1546] Like, you could kind of tell me what it was like and I could kind of go, yeah, okay, I kind of see that because I've done it.

[1547] But if I hadn't done it, there's no way.

[1548] I have nothing.

[1549] It's like somebody trying to explain their dream to you.

[1550] well that's what's similar in that this stuff DMT is actually endogenous it's it exists in the human body and they believe that it comes out in your dreams they believe that when you're dreaming your body's releasing some of that stuff they don't they don't totally understand it right it's one of those weird things where they they really only found out that mammals created in the pineal gland within the last few years the cottonwood research foundation which is connected to to Rick Strassman, who wrote that book, DMT, the Spirit Molecule.

[1551] He ran a bunch of FDA -approved, I believe the only FDA -approved tests on DMT, where they shot it into people in a clinical setting.

[1552] How did you consume it?

[1553] It was free -basing it.

[1554] You free -base it.

[1555] Really?

[1556] Yeah.

[1557] Like a fiend?

[1558] Yeah, like a fiend.

[1559] It's like a glass bowl connected to like a tube.

[1560] And you light the bottom of the bowl, the DMT sits inside the bowl.

[1561] What is the...

[1562] It looks like a white powder.

[1563] Like a white, almost yellowish white powder.

[1564] Depending on which one you take.

[1565] The 5 methoxy DMT is white.

[1566] And then the other stuff was more like white with like a little bit of yellow to it.

[1567] And you take it, it tastes like burnt plastic.

[1568] It tastes terrible.

[1569] And you take a big deep breath.

[1570] You want to take like three big inhales.

[1571] The first time I did it only took one.

[1572] And I just got to the door.

[1573] I got like to the door of the DMT dimension.

[1574] I was like, what is this?

[1575] This is weird.

[1576] It was really weird, but I didn't even know what weird was because, like, 20 minutes later, I did a second one.

[1577] And the second one, I took way more.

[1578] I took, like, three big hits.

[1579] And then it was almost like you're in a slingshot or a catapult.

[1580] It was like you could feel the tension, like, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, and all of a sudden, you shot through these colors and lights into what felt like some new place.

[1581] What is your physical?

[1582] doing during all of this laying there laying there yeah one time recently i did like the last i did it was a couple years ago i opened my eyes in the middle of it it was very strange so i can almost see reality but it was all real pixelated and it was like i was seeing life through like a dirty saran wrap or something it was all was just very strange and then i closed my eyes back and i went it's the the experience of the psychedelic realm is more vivid than regular life which is real strange.

[1583] Because it doesn't feel like you're on a drug.

[1584] Because you're still you.

[1585] That's another part of it.

[1586] It doesn't change your, like when you're drunk, it changes the way you think.

[1587] Like you think different.

[1588] This is not that.

[1589] This is like you think the same way, but you're being confronted with something that's insanely alien.

[1590] Just alien to everything that you know to be true.

[1591] And then there's all these things around you that seem to be alive.

[1592] and they seemed to be talking to you and communicating you.

[1593] The last time I did it was a bunch of jokers that were giving me the finger.

[1594] Like gestures, gestures with like, you know, they have the little bells.

[1595] They were all like shaking and giving me the finger and like spinning around me going, fuck you!

[1596] They were mocking me. And the thing that I got from it was like, oh, I take myself too seriously.

[1597] I need to be mocked.

[1598] And they were mocking me. And as they were mocking me, I relaxed.

[1599] And then they like pointed at me like, ah, you get it.

[1600] You get it.

[1601] You get it.

[1602] Because you can, you know, you can get lost.

[1603] You can take yourself seriously and you want others to take you.

[1604] Like, what is the grossest kind of man?

[1605] Like the kind of man who wants everyone to tremble when he walks into a room, wants, you know, rose petals thrown at his feet.

[1606] He wants everyone to call him, sir.

[1607] And be uncomfortable.

[1608] Yeah.

[1609] Everyone to be uncomfortable because he's a fucking man. You know, and that kind of guy responds very poorly to being mocked, right?

[1610] So I think that it was like letting me know, like, hey, bitch, you got a little of that in you.

[1611] You need to get that out of your system, especially as a person who's a professional mocker.

[1612] I'm a mocker of things.

[1613] We are stand -up mockers.

[1614] There's a lot to be mocked.

[1615] How long does it last for?

[1616] 15 minutes.

[1617] That's it.

[1618] Yes.

[1619] And what about the micro -dosing?

[1620] That's similar with this video that you're playing.

[1621] It's kind of like that, but way more intense.

[1622] I don't know how this.

[1623] It's a VR experience called ayahuasca.

[1624] I don't know how exactly it works.

[1625] I haven't tried it.

[1626] Is ayahuasca different?

[1627] No, it is a no. see the thing about ayahuasca is it lasts longer because it's orally you take you see that's that's probably more similar and you can get there on ayahuasca and DMT it's the same thing it's dimethylo -tryptamine it's just when you're taking it with ayahuasca your body is processing it orally and you take it with something called an M -A -O inhibitor M -A -O inhibitor M -A -O is monoamine oxidase it's produced by your gut and it processes the DMT, naturally, that exists in plants.

[1628] So, like, there's a lot of plants that have DMT in it.

[1629] And if you just, like, if you were eating grass, like some sort of, like, Phalaris grass or something like that, it's really rich in DMT.

[1630] So if you were eating that, you would get high off.

[1631] You would get high as fun.

[1632] But monoamine oxidase that's produced by your gut, it breaks that stuff down so it's not orally active.

[1633] So if you ate, if you took some DMT that you would freebase and just ate it, it wouldn't do anything to you because your gut would break it down.

[1634] But then if you took it with an M .A .O. inhibitor, preferably the kind of plant -based M .A .O. Inhibitor that they use in ayahuasca because they know, like, those M .A .O. inhibitors that people take, like, sometimes people take them as a medication, those can be dangerous.

[1635] They're much more potent.

[1636] And there's all sorts of weird side.

[1637] I've heard of people taking pharmaceutical M .A .O. inhibitors.

[1638] And then they take mushrooms or something else with them.

[1639] And they really can fuck them up, like, real bad.

[1640] Yeah, because they're cross -pollinating their fucking drug use.

[1641] You're doing all kinds of wacky shit to your brain that your brain is probably not really designed.

[1642] You're redlining your brain.

[1643] Your brain may stay together, or you might go fucking shine on your crazy diamond.

[1644] Yeah, go off the deep end.

[1645] Yeah.

[1646] Have you had any kind of experience with MDMA or anything?

[1647] Pot?

[1648] Not good experiences.

[1649] Even the bad ones are good.

[1650] The bad pot experiences teach you that regular life is okay.

[1651] I hit the CBD before I go to bed That's great With some THC in it Oh, okay, just a little bit to crash you Yeah And I have the fucking weirdest dreams when I'm on them though Oh for sure Yeah CBD Really fucking weird dreams Just CBD alone I'm so happy that that stuff's legal For folks with Like anyone with arthritis Or weird aches and pains Fucking CBD's a game changer Yeah especially the creamsism You know Tyson's one is really good It's really good Yeah He gave me a bunch of it.

[1652] Yeah.

[1653] Yeah, I'll call Mike.

[1654] I'll like, I need some more.

[1655] His weed is stupid, strong.

[1656] Yeah.

[1657] He's got crazy weed.

[1658] Well, it should be.

[1659] Yeah, probably.

[1660] If you're Mike Tyson, your weed better not be fucking weak.

[1661] Right, right.

[1662] You can't have Mike Tyson weak weed.

[1663] What do you think about him fighting?

[1664] I, uh, I mean, as a, listen, I'm friends with him, but I'm also a fan.

[1665] Yeah.

[1666] And to see him look how he looks now.

[1667] Crazy.

[1668] It's exciting.

[1669] It's crazy.

[1670] And I talked, you know, it's funny as I talked to him before the, uh, video came out of him hitting pads and shit and we were facetiming and i said mike you look good he goes yeah man i've been boxing man i feel really good and i said that's that's great and goes yeah man i felt in a long time i might even have a fight and i said what i go he goes yeah man i may i like an exhibition or something you know you won't work my corner i'm saying yeah that that'll go well something bad happens rossel peters fucked up mike tyson's well he'll have i'm sure hafeel cordero who's been working with him he'll probably have him in his corner you know yeah There's talk of that John Jones fighting him.

[1671] No, John's just fucking around.

[1672] I guarantee John's fucking around.

[1673] He even said he would fight him in a boxing match as long as Mike would fight him in an MMA fight.

[1674] He said, but he promised he wouldn't hurt him and he wouldn't break anything on him.

[1675] Yeah, no, like, listen, the boxer cannot go into an MMA ring.

[1676] No. Not with John.

[1677] As much as John kicks your legs.

[1678] Yeah.

[1679] John, you know, John probably just wrestle him to the ground.

[1680] Take him down.

[1681] That's like when James Tony fought Randy Couture.

[1682] That was a rough one, man. That was a rough one.

[1683] I kind of knew that James wasn't really training for that, though.

[1684] He just took the payday.

[1685] Yeah, he's just, I bet he's naturally a tough guy, James Tony.

[1686] Sure.

[1687] Never been knocked down.

[1688] You know what that does for you?

[1689] That gets you beat up longer.

[1690] Yeah, it does.

[1691] It makes your brain get really fucking messy.

[1692] Yeah.

[1693] You're scrambling those eggs.

[1694] Nobody talk better shit during sparring sessions than James Tony.

[1695] Oh, those are my favorite.

[1696] There's so many videos.

[1697] What you got, bitch?

[1698] That's it?

[1699] That's all you got?

[1700] That's all you got?

[1701] Come on, bitch.

[1702] I do, I talk shit when I'm rolling with people.

[1703] Oh, dude?

[1704] But I talk, like, funny shit.

[1705] Oh, like, right, right, right.

[1706] Like, I'll be like, you know, something will happen.

[1707] I'll lose position or something.

[1708] I'll go, oh, that was a mistake.

[1709] You know, and then, and I'll do anything I can to fuck with their mood, like to make them laugh, so it throws them off.

[1710] Oh, okay.

[1711] Even with John Jack, I do it, you know.

[1712] I'm going to remember that.

[1713] When I'm rolling with Jean Jack, I'll be like, you were made for hitchhiking, not jujitsu.

[1714] You see the people in the class like, oh, my God.

[1715] I'm like, we're friends.

[1716] That's hilarious.

[1717] John Jack's the godfather of my son.

[1718] Is he really?

[1719] Yeah.

[1720] He's a great person.

[1721] He is a great guy.

[1722] It really is.

[1723] I feel real lucky that I met him.

[1724] You could run into any jiu -suitzsche instructor.

[1725] I just stumbled upon him because it was closer to my area.

[1726] It was closer to my house.

[1727] And then he turns out to be one of the best ever.

[1728] One of the best ever.

[1729] And just so technical, too.

[1730] Like, just the way he breaks things down.

[1731] And his ego is so healthy.

[1732] Like, he's, like, real easy to roll with.

[1733] Yeah.

[1734] And he's a rare guy that's, like, 50 years old that still rolls all the time.

[1735] Doesn't get hurt.

[1736] Doesn't get hurt.

[1737] It's kind of amazing.

[1738] I think he hurt his knee for a little bit, but it's gotten better, I think.

[1739] He never had to get it operated on.

[1740] Oh, really?

[1741] Yeah.

[1742] How did he fix it?

[1743] I don't know.

[1744] Just healed, I guess.

[1745] He went to the doctor and he said it's fine now.

[1746] That's amazing.

[1747] Yeah.

[1748] How's your shoulder?

[1749] Everything's good, man. It's all good.

[1750] When my finger's better, we'll roll again.

[1751] Yeah.

[1752] What's wrong with your finger?

[1753] I fucking, this middle one, I jammed it.

[1754] Oh.

[1755] I got swept by Mark Armstrong, and I went to post.

[1756] And when I went to post, instead of my hand hitting like this, My finger went straight.

[1757] Have you ever used tape on it?

[1758] No, you know, it's funny is I usually have those...

[1759] Finger grips?

[1760] Yeah, the fucking ones that I use.

[1761] But you know what you could do is you take athletic tape and you tape two fingers together to protect it?

[1762] Well, I usually have those on.

[1763] Oh, okay.

[1764] The luta gear, that shit.

[1765] I usually have it on.

[1766] And that fucking one day I didn't wear it.

[1767] Oh.

[1768] I don't know why I didn't wear it that day.

[1769] And then that's the fucking day I did it.

[1770] Yeah.

[1771] If you jam one, you can...

[1772] I jammed both of these.

[1773] Oh, yeah?

[1774] This one's fine now, but this one's still really sort of like I'm holding a cup of coffee and it hurts because this angle, you know?

[1775] Yeah, just tape them all up.

[1776] So if you tape them all up, it would almost be like you have like one grip.

[1777] Which is all you need anyway, you know?

[1778] Like you very rarely use like individual fingers.

[1779] Yeah, no, no. Yeah, just tape them all up.

[1780] Tap them together.

[1781] Get some of that white athletic tape or they have jujitsu tape.

[1782] Like I think it's called monkey tape.

[1783] Monkey grip.

[1784] See if you find that shit.

[1785] Monkey grip tape.

[1786] It's probably saw that.

[1787] It's a strong, real strong.

[1788] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure.

[1789] But, yeah, I mean, a lot of guys, like, that was, Hickson was famous for that.

[1790] You'd go to see him.

[1791] He's always injured because he was constantly rolling, so he had tape all over the place and everything.

[1792] Yeah, Hickson's back is fucked and his knees.

[1793] It's real bad.

[1794] Eddie's got bad knees, though, doesn't he?

[1795] Yep, yep.

[1796] Yeah, there it is.

[1797] Yeah.

[1798] Monkey tape.

[1799] That's it.

[1800] So that's tape just specifically designed for jujitsu.

[1801] The monkey tape mafia.

[1802] Yeah.

[1803] Yeah, I should get that Good stuff I do need that It looks really thin Like Yeah but that's also So you can move it around the joints You know And you know It's still solid Look they know what the fuck they're doing They have thick stuff too But a lot of guys like that thin stuff Because you can get in between the fingers real good And tape it up nice I'm gonna get that zebra pack There you go Get a little white A little white Yeah I need that done Yeah that shit hurt That shit hurt I screamed Yeah it hurts That's the thing about Jiu -Jitsu You're going to have to deal with You're going to get injured Yeah, and then one day I was rolling And I don't know my fucking My foot or ankle cramped And it just started to turn on its own The muscle spasmed Oh no My ankle was turning in on itself And it was like, did you break his ankle Like I can't fucking stop my foot It's just turning Just a cramp A cramp But the muscle spasm And then my ankles kept turning in And like the fucking exorcist I used to get cramps And then I started taking electrolytes Like regularly Yeah, I think that's what I need to do.

[1804] Changed everything.

[1805] Liquid IV.

[1806] It's one of my sponsors.

[1807] I'll get you something.

[1808] Yeah, please.

[1809] Dude, changed everything.

[1810] Complete game changer.

[1811] Yeah.

[1812] Because I used to get cramps.

[1813] I used to get cramps when I was working out.

[1814] I just thought it was part of working out.

[1815] But then I started drinking this stuff in my water before I work out, during my workouts.

[1816] Yep.

[1817] I drink it after I get out of the sauna.

[1818] I get the cramp in the back of the hamstring there, sometimes in the calf.

[1819] Dude, electrolytes are everything.

[1820] It's so, so important for your body.

[1821] You know, hydration and electrolytes.

[1822] Sometimes I'm trying to, you know, I put somebody in a body lock or something, and then I can't hold it because I'm going to cramp.

[1823] Like, fuck.

[1824] Yeah.

[1825] The same cramp you get when you're fucking, you know that one?

[1826] Ooh, that one.

[1827] Yeah, the fuck cramp.

[1828] The toe one.

[1829] Ah, yeah.

[1830] The bottom of the foot.

[1831] Yikes.

[1832] Yeah, the toe does the air.

[1833] I hate that shit.

[1834] Yeah, cramps are rough, but you can, you could do something about that, and it's pretty quick.

[1835] Like, you know, you take that stuff for a few days and your cramps will go away.

[1836] You can work out real hard and never get cramps will.

[1837] cramps again.

[1838] Oh, I'm definitely going to take some off you.

[1839] Yeah, it's potassium.

[1840] I mean, the one that I like, liquid, well, there's a bunch of really good ones, but Liquid IV is one of my sponsors, and it's got all kinds of great shit in, B vitamins, potassium.

[1841] It tastes good, too.

[1842] Flavor they got?

[1843] A bunch of different flavors.

[1844] They got asailles.

[1845] It's like, oh, for the Brazilians.

[1846] Yes, my friend, poha.

[1847] Oh, did I ever tell you that story?

[1848] Which one?

[1849] I think one time after I did one of your podcasts, a guy hits me up on Instagram.

[1850] He was like, hey, I'm so excited that you're doing Jiu -Jitsu, man. I make mouth cards.

[1851] I want to make you a personal mouthguard.

[1852] That's great, man. He goes, what do you want on it?

[1853] I go, oh, I know exactly what I want on it.

[1854] So I tell him what I want, and he sends it.

[1855] Poha.

[1856] I get to the academy.

[1857] And I go, JJ, I got a mouthguard.

[1858] He goes, good, you're going to need it.

[1859] And then I put it in, and I get on the mat.

[1860] and I smile and he goes Ha!

[1861] Why do you want cum in your mouth?

[1862] I go, what?

[1863] He goes, pooha, that means come.

[1864] I go, why do you say it all the time?

[1865] Yeah, it doesn't mean it when we say it, but that's actually what it means.

[1866] It means a bunch of things.

[1867] Yeah, but the actual word means cum, and I'm like, ah, fuck, I never wore the thing again.

[1868] But it means different things.

[1869] Like Gilbert Burns, who's fighting Kamaro Usman for the title, he always yells it after he wins.

[1870] He wins and yells, poha.

[1871] Yeah, because they use it like that.

[1872] But it means different things.

[1873] But it's the same way Malacca means jerk off in Greek, but they'll say it to, hey, Malacca, what are you doing?

[1874] Hey, how you'd been, Malacca?

[1875] It's like a Joey Diaz thing.

[1876] You call you jerk off.

[1877] Yeah, it's the same thing.

[1878] But it doesn't mean it.

[1879] You know what I mean?

[1880] But the actual meaning of this apparently is fucking common.

[1881] He's like, he's laughing hysterically.

[1882] You ever seen John Jack laugh like that?

[1883] It's pretty fucking funny.

[1884] Hey, why don't you go put the comeback in your mouth?

[1885] Oh, that's hilarious.

[1886] So if the guy is listening who made me the mouthpiece, can you make me another one that just says my name?

[1887] deal with it just deal with come in your mouth that's the big deal bro girls have been dealing with it for years you know just handle it like a fucking gentleman yeah who made your mouth card I forgot their name oh there's a guy the mouthpiece guy makes dope shit I wonder if that was him fit perfectly this one didn't fit perfectly though oh okay because it was like it was a spec I guess you know you just a speck one he was like hey he didn't measure me or nothing so oh yeah they got a they have to do the mouth print though I had one of those from boxing.

[1888] Yeah.

[1889] And I left that at my old guy I was training with out here.

[1890] I left it at his gym years ago.

[1891] I don't think I want it back now.

[1892] No. No, you need a new one.

[1893] But what they'll do for like a guy who makes professional ones, like the mouthpiece guy, it makes them for a lot of MMA guys.

[1894] It's like you have this thing that you sit, sit your teeth into like a gooey thing.

[1895] And it's nasty.

[1896] Yes, it's nasty.

[1897] And then it'll form and then, you know, they'll put the designer.

[1898] Top and bottom one?

[1899] They can make a top and bottom one.

[1900] What do you like?

[1901] I like just a top one for jihitsu, but for striking, I'd like a top and bottom one.

[1902] Because I do need it now because I find I'm grinding my teeth when I'm rolling.

[1903] Yeah.

[1904] It's hard to breathe out of your nose, but there's a lot of real benefit to breathing out of your nose.

[1905] There really is.

[1906] You know, sometimes you're going to breathe out of your mouth, but there's real benefit to primarily breathing out of your nose.

[1907] And I'm reading a book now.

[1908] I think James Nestor.

[1909] it's um it is a book that's a but yeah sure get in there son it's a book that yeah it's called breath and it's uh by this guy james nester and i've been reading it for listening to it on audiobookers how's your uh is your nose broken at all yes but i got it fixed i got it fixed in like 10 years ago and it made a huge difference mine is still broken so you can't breathe out of it well not properly get it fixed man i want to while you're on lockdown this now's the time that's what i thought But they're like, no, we can't do that right now.

[1910] That's elective, right?

[1911] Oh.

[1912] But I think they can do elective surgeries now.

[1913] I think there's something to eat in the knife.

[1914] No, it's a...

[1915] You're right?

[1916] You know what you're doing?

[1917] Yeah, a little...

[1918] Struggling.

[1919] I'm fucking struggling.

[1920] You need some help?

[1921] Yeah, go ahead, Joe.

[1922] Get your fucking monkey grips all over it there, kid.

[1923] Jesus Christ, Rambo.

[1924] I didn't think you'd pull that fucking thing out.

[1925] Tucka more custom knives in the house.

[1926] You also have the best shit.

[1927] It's so dope.

[1928] every time you post something you go it's so fucking cool like the fridge you posted the other day it was like yeah that's killcliff you got to try those things man CBD drinks get your 25 milligrams of CBD with each each little serving there fella does it do anything yeah CBD's fucking great period get as much of it as you can take 100 milligrams at a time really for me it equates sleep for me now it does that too alleviates anxiety but it's really good for people that have joint issues really good for people with arthritis I used to have really bad arthritis in my fingers it seems to be gone away I've been taking these cucurmin pills Oh okay there you go Curcumin yeah curcumin That's turmeric The same thing yeah Apparently the curcumin is 500 times more absorbable Oh Like faster absorbency That makes sense Yeah there's a lot of natural things For inflammation But the big one is avoiding things That cause inflammation Like with your diet Like get rid of bread take bread and pasta out of your diet.

[1929] So many of your little aches and pains will go away.

[1930] Yeah, I don't really have many aches and pains anymore.

[1931] It's kind of nice.

[1932] That's awesome.

[1933] Yeah.

[1934] Are you doing just jujitsu or do you do like you supplement it with any calisthenics or weightlifting or anything?

[1935] Well, no, I just do jujitsu and then I ride my bike now.

[1936] Oh, that's cool.

[1937] I go to these like five -mile bike rides.

[1938] Around your neighborhood or something?

[1939] And I got that motor assist one, so it's kind of nice.

[1940] Oh, that's not real.

[1941] No, it's good because there's fucking hills in my community are killer, dude.

[1942] Can't handle the hills?

[1943] No, hell no. That's where it's supposed to work.

[1944] You still have to work.

[1945] It's not like it's peddling for you.

[1946] Oh, I know.

[1947] I got a buddy of my husband.

[1948] I love that bike.

[1949] It's awesome.

[1950] They're fine.

[1951] Okay.

[1952] It's better to have a regular bike don't suffer.

[1953] Yeah.

[1954] I'll take, you know, I'll wait until it gets too easy and then I'll step it up from there, you know.

[1955] Dude, just get one kettlebell.

[1956] Just get one.

[1957] I've got one.

[1958] I think, I don't know if you sent it to me. On it sent it to me. They sent it to me the Iron Man one.

[1959] Okay.

[1960] Beautiful.

[1961] Yeah.

[1962] It's good.

[1963] That's a good one.

[1964] It's 45 pounds.

[1965] It's a good size.

[1966] And they sent me one of those, two of those jugglers bats.

[1967] Those are fucking deadly heavy.

[1968] Yeah, those are great.

[1969] I got weak wrists, so that shit hurts when I do those.

[1970] They're really good for your shoulders, really good for your forearms, grip strength, all that stuff.

[1971] Yeah.

[1972] Yeah, we have a bunch of programs that John Wolfe, the head fitness instructor on it, put together for during this quarantine.

[1973] Some people go work out at home with minimal equipment.

[1974] These home workouts for six weeks, they're big.

[1975] Get on that.

[1976] buddy well i was dropping good weight off the jujitsu yeah jiu jitsu plus stress equals weight loss for me really regardless of what you eat yeah i uh i went from when i started back of jujitsu was 240 pounds which is fucking huge you got big huh fat you saw me yeah you knew i was fat but you're just too fucking nice to say it i'm not nice to everybody i know i well listen you know what i don't know that Because I've only seen you be nice to people, except for a couple of times I've seen some rando stranger end up in the green room.

[1977] You're like, dude, you got to get the fuck out of here.

[1978] No, but I'm a big fish.

[1979] Yeah, that's fine.

[1980] Thank you.

[1981] Can you get the fuck out of my green room now.

[1982] Get out of the green room.

[1983] Well, there's a few of those guys who made it to the back of the main room.

[1984] Yeah.

[1985] They just walked back there.

[1986] And then they would like ask for stuff and he'd be like, who is this guy?

[1987] Yeah.

[1988] What are you doing here?

[1989] Yeah.

[1990] Yeah.

[1991] But that's the old days.

[1992] The comedy store is pretty tightened down or was before COVID tightened down with security.

[1993] I'm wondering when they're going to open up again, man Well, I'm worried What they were talking, September, weren't they?

[1994] Late September, early October Is that what they're saying now?

[1995] Well, that's what I had heard Before this double lockdown now Jesus Christ Speaking of lockdown That's what you tried to do to me When we rolled Yes And I tapped on the way to it Well, you hadn't been a calf slicer No, you thought it was a calf slicer Well, you know who thought it was a calf Slice?

[1996] My fucking calf Thought it was a calf slizer, Joseph I was just using it, I was going into a twister roll I was going to put you in a twister.

[1997] Yeah, why would you do that too you know you're nice to me but why would you want to twist me like that it does not that bad it's not that bad for the guy doing it it's not that's not i've been caught in a twister multiple times oh it's just you you tapped in the roll that's what happened yeah it was my calf i was like you didn't enjoy it but that's probably because you need electrolytes yeah it's probably what it is or maybe i don't need a fucking shin your bitch -ass shins by the way on my fucking cap you just need to know how to defend it you can't you can't let me roll you in that way well Well, now, I mean, now I probably have better defense for it.

[1998] It's a natural instinct, really.

[1999] It's like what people don't want to do is give up their back, right?

[2000] So if you're inside control in a person, what they don't want to do is give up their back.

[2001] So they don't want to roll away from you.

[2002] So they roll towards you.

[2003] But when they roll towards you, you take that top leg, which would be their left leg, and I lace my left leg over and under, and I lock it down.

[2004] Then I sit up and I roll towards your butt.

[2005] Yes.

[2006] And then as I roll towards your butt, it spins you, and I wind up.

[2007] on your back.

[2008] Yes.

[2009] And I remember.

[2010] Remember clearly.

[2011] That's Eddie Bravo.

[2012] That's all Eddie Bravo shit.

[2013] Fucking Eddie.

[2014] Yeah.

[2015] He's trying to figure out different ways to get to the back and get to the twister and then get to, there's a bunch of leg locks you can do from those positions too.

[2016] I'm not a leg locker, yeah.

[2017] That's it.

[2018] Looks like Eddie and Andrew Schultz.

[2019] It does look like Andrew Schultz.

[2020] But it's not.

[2021] That's Hennar Gracie.

[2022] And, um...

[2023] I saw Hennar Gracie on my Instagram feed selling sweatshirts.

[2024] Yeah, he made up his own sweatshirts.

[2025] It's kind of a cool idea.

[2026] Yeah, it becomes a backpack.

[2027] Yeah.

[2028] It, like, folds up into a backpack, and it's like, if you're on the go, I kind of get it.

[2029] I mean, I don't see, yeah, I mean, like, I've never been in that desperate where I'm like, fuck, this sweatshirt is killing me. What am I doing?

[2030] You have no storage.

[2031] Son of a bitch!

[2032] You don't have a car or a hotel room or something?

[2033] Give it to somebody.

[2034] Hey, you cold?

[2035] Do you look chilly?

[2036] You want to wear this?

[2037] Grab it around your neck.

[2038] Yeah.

[2039] It's a big deal.

[2040] Tired around your waist.

[2041] I, um.

[2042] Oh, fuck.

[2043] Oh, did you ever download that mix I sent you?

[2044] What mix?

[2045] I sent you a metal mix, like an 80s metal mix.

[2046] It's actually really dope.

[2047] Why did you do this?

[2048] How long ago?

[2049] In December, I sent it to you.

[2050] When we were having dinner, I said, John, I'm going to email it to you.

[2051] Dude, my brain is so foggy.

[2052] You'd really like it.

[2053] Whatever happened from December on?

[2054] You're still probably in your inbox somewhere.

[2055] Probably.

[2056] I'll go find it.

[2057] But what is it?

[2058] It's a buddy of mine, Scotty Fox.

[2059] He's a DJ, and he does these really dope, really well -put -together mix -takes.

[2060] Yeah.

[2061] And it's not like a lot of, there's no scratching, it's just like really well programmed and mixed to the point where you're like, that flowed from beginning to end fucking incredibly.

[2062] You are big into being a DJ.

[2063] 35 years.

[2064] Are you doing any of that while you're in lockdown?

[2065] Are you having like little parties at your house or anything?

[2066] No, I'll go on live every now and then and DJ for a little bit.

[2067] Instagram locks shuts people out when they're playing music and they try to claim.

[2068] They do?

[2069] Yeah, dude.

[2070] They kick you, they kick you off and they say you violated copyrights.

[2071] Did you see the Rizza and DJ premiere when they did it?

[2072] How awesome was that?

[2073] That was fucking amazing.

[2074] And I love both of them, but I really feel like Primo went easy on Riza.

[2075] Oh my goodness.

[2076] I do.

[2077] Is that what you really think?

[2078] I do.

[2079] Listen, I'm friends with both of them, but.

[2080] What are you trying to say?

[2081] I'm trying to say that Primo had a lot more ammo in his fucking arsenal that he didn't use.

[2082] I didn't understand it was a true battle.

[2083] I thought it was just a performance.

[2084] No. For battle.

[2085] It's a battle, song for song.

[2086] And it's like, oh, you got that?

[2087] I got this.

[2088] And then Rizzo did pull out something, and I'm embarrassed that I didn't fucking know he produced it.

[2089] It was Long Kiss Goodnight by Biggie.

[2090] I didn't know Rizzo did that beat.

[2091] I didn't know that either.

[2092] And I was like, fuck, that's one of my favorite Biggie songs, too.

[2093] It was just cool because you were watching these two hip -hop legends that were making the most of the pandemic.

[2094] You know, they were in the middle of this weird thing where everybody's at home.

[2095] And so you knew so many people, like millions of people were watching live.

[2096] Yeah, well, Swiss Beat started that, the Versus thing.

[2097] and then they did Teddy Riley versus Baby Face, which was incredible as well.

[2098] The first one was hilarious.

[2099] I didn't get a chance to watch the Jada fabulous one yet.

[2100] The fucking Beanie Man versus Bounty Keller was incredible.

[2101] What is this page, Jamie?

[2102] It's versus.

[2103] Yeah, it turned into a whole platform and brand, and now it's like it might even be a show and they're linked to Apple.

[2104] What is the name it, but go back up so we can see that?

[2105] Verses with a Z. Yeah, versus.

[2106] V -E -R -Z -U -Z.

[2107] TV versus versus versus it's so -and -so versus versus versus and how many followers are they have on this one point nine it's crazy well you know it's fun how things arise from necessity from things like COVID like we were talking about Andrew Schultz created that COVID comedy like he's doing these videos and it arrived from not being able to create and do stand -up well he you know he was he was already on the way to setting up that studio that he has yes and then it he it just fucking you know perfect timing perfect timing and the kid's incredible i'm a fan i'm a big fan of him before before all of that i was a fan yeah he's a hustler the universe he's a hustler and he's really fucking good yep yeah yeah not mad at that guy's success at all but i feel that he should have way more success than he has oh he's got a lot of success and we'll have more he will but he's the future yeah i think so yeah there's a there's a good crop there's a good crop of up -and -coming guys yeah i just love the fact that people make lemonade You know, they figure out a way.

[2108] They're like, okay, what can I do here?

[2109] I've got some lemons.

[2110] This ain't good, but let's figure out how to make this.

[2111] This is really sour.

[2112] What should we do with this?

[2113] Yeah.

[2114] And that's something that, you know, you don't always see from people.

[2115] There's a lot of woes me guys, you know, when the shit hits the fan.

[2116] Yeah, I, you know, I feel a woe to myself sometimes, but I'm also very aware that I am the reason I'm woeing.

[2117] Yeah, even when I text you, I'm like, you know, you goes, oh, that sucks.

[2118] And I go, it's my fault, Joe.

[2119] Yeah, I'm all about accountability, you know.

[2120] You are, yeah, and your fault is your fault.

[2121] Yeah, you can't pass the buck.

[2122] No matter what situation you're in your life, you fucking got yourself there.

[2123] Sometimes it's good to go through that shit, though, right?

[2124] It's a personal growth moment.

[2125] Absolutely.

[2126] Opportunity for you to recalibrate.

[2127] I think I used to be a pussy hound.

[2128] What?

[2129] Yeah, I know.

[2130] You?

[2131] But not anymore, that's for sure.

[2132] I got fucking PTSD, dude.

[2133] I'm not fucking...

[2134] PTSD from pussy.

[2135] Yeah.

[2136] I'm literally like, you know what, I'm good.

[2137] I got Porn Hub, I'm quite happy with that.

[2138] My selections.

[2139] I know how to love myself.

[2140] Whoa.

[2141] We're getting heavy here, bro.

[2142] We got to do something.

[2143] There was dead moments, and it's my fault.

[2144] What are you going to do?

[2145] It's hard, man. Some good cigars, yeah.

[2146] They're good, right?

[2147] Yeah.

[2148] Shout out to Mike Binder.

[2149] Like Mike Binder.

[2150] Such a good guy.

[2151] I'm looking forward to that doc when it comes out.

[2152] It's going to be interesting.

[2153] You know, because it details so many generations and so many different versions of the store.

[2154] You know, from the very early days in the 70s to what was really the last, you know, the last few years was this incredible boom that was unprecedented.

[2155] By the way, I mentioned you in that.

[2156] When I was doing the interview, I said, he said, what do you think is the one of the reasons for the Renaissance here at the Comedy Stone?

[2157] I said, I'll be honest, I think it's Joe Rogan.

[2158] Joe Rogan came here, came back, and he brought a lot of people with him.

[2159] and he swears by this place and I said I really don't think it would be what it is without him that's very nice of you well it's true I wouldn't just say it to say it but I said it I appreciate that it's a fact well it became a you know a better place you know when Adam was running it then and then you know I like Adam despite a lot of people don't like Adam he's great I love him I've known him for a lot I had him on the podcast you know he used to be a cult did he really oh you know his parents in him right oh yeah he grew up That's fucking weird.

[2160] Oh, yeah.

[2161] Grew up in a cult.

[2162] Yeah.

[2163] I didn't really realize it.

[2164] No, I guess you wouldn't because you didn't know anything else.

[2165] Right.

[2166] What cult was his?

[2167] Did you grow up, what was it called again?

[2168] Do you remember?

[2169] Branch Davidians, I believe.

[2170] Speaking of Texas.

[2171] Yeah, it was something along those lines.

[2172] Waco is always going to be that place now.

[2173] Like, even that documentary.

[2174] Yeah.

[2175] It was C -Doo.

[2176] C -D -U.

[2177] You know who grew up in an ashram was Abby?

[2178] You know, Abby Robarish?

[2179] No. You know, he's at the store, a young kid.

[2180] Okay.

[2181] Nice kid.

[2182] He grew up in an ashram.

[2183] Wow.

[2184] What the fuck?

[2185] That's heavy.

[2186] So his parents were Buddhists?

[2187] Yeah, like hippie types, you know?

[2188] Oh, wow.

[2189] He's not even old enough to have hippie parents, so it's kind of weird.

[2190] Wow.

[2191] But he was telling me that.

[2192] He goes, yeah, I grew up in an ashram.

[2193] Any age, you could be old enough to have hippie parents.

[2194] Yeah, I suppose.

[2195] Especially in this day and age.

[2196] There's a lot of kids up there right now that are growing up with hippie parents.

[2197] This is a new age hippie.

[2198] Yeah.

[2199] Yeah.

[2200] But there's so many of them online now.

[2201] They find these little communities, and they connect with each other.

[2202] There's too much out there.

[2203] There's too much out there.

[2204] Too many weirdos can connect with other weirdos.

[2205] Yeah.

[2206] Is that bad, though?

[2207] It's good and bad.

[2208] It's a double -edged sword.

[2209] I think it's good.

[2210] It's good that they found somebody.

[2211] Remember, like George Carlin used to say, I think we should, you know, the homeless people that you see on the street talking to each, talking to themselves, they should pair them up so they at least they look like they're talking to each other.

[2212] I think the possible good thing.

[2213] outweigh the possible bad things.

[2214] I think they get together and maybe they can improve each other.

[2215] Maybe they can grow together.

[2216] If you're a hippie by yourself, you're fucked.

[2217] If you're doing anything by yourself, it's not good.

[2218] Well, that's why when I see like the homeless people under the bridge and they see them together, I'm like, well, I mean, it sucks, but at least you're not alone in this, you know?

[2219] Right.

[2220] If you had a measurement of happiness scale, you know, I bet some of them are probably happier than people that work constantly.

[2221] Yeah.

[2222] You know, I mean, what actually makes you happy.

[2223] And it also depends on which makes you miserable.

[2224] Yeah.

[2225] Which part of this don't you like?

[2226] In fact, you know.

[2227] Being alone is a big one, man. Being alone makes you very miserable.

[2228] Yeah.

[2229] I mean, I'm quite happy being alone right now, but...

[2230] But that's a different situation.

[2231] Different situation.

[2232] You're like, you're, you like being alone because it's better than wishing you were alone.

[2233] Yes.

[2234] I'm not alone by force.

[2235] I'm alone by choice.

[2236] Yeah.

[2237] That's probably the worst, is wishing you were alone.

[2238] Like being with someone who you wish you weren't with is worse than being alone.

[2239] Yes, because you feel alone.

[2240] You know what's really fucked up?

[2241] It's like, it's very difficult to figure out how do you get back?

[2242] If you're with someone you don't want to be with anymore, it's very difficult to figure out how do you get back to where you were when you enjoyed them?

[2243] Is that possible?

[2244] Can you do that?

[2245] Some people know.

[2246] It needs to be both of you that want to go back.

[2247] Yes.

[2248] And it's never, there's, you know, one of you is going to hang on to something.

[2249] Yes.

[2250] And you're both going to hang on to different parts of something, and that's what's going to stop the reversal of fortune.

[2251] That's why you got to do mushrooms together.

[2252] All right.

[2253] Do you have?

[2254] Yes.

[2255] Give me some before I go.

[2256] Okay.

[2257] And I'll take a little microdose.

[2258] We'll see what's up.

[2259] At my leisure.

[2260] I'm going to call you when I'm about to do it, though.

[2261] Yeah.

[2262] Well, I'll walk you through it.

[2263] Do it on a night that I'm not going anywhere.

[2264] Okay.

[2265] I'll stay on the phone with you.

[2266] I'll come to your house.

[2267] It'll be a strange conversation about an hour in.

[2268] You know, you should just come to my house and hang out in the backyard.

[2269] Okay.

[2270] It's not far from you.

[2271] I'll be your babysitter.

[2272] That'd be great.

[2273] Okay.

[2274] I couldn't ask for a better babysitter.

[2275] That's what you got to do sometimes.

[2276] They actually call it a sitter.

[2277] Yeah?

[2278] Yeah, when someone does psychedelics, the other person will be a sitter.

[2279] Yeah.

[2280] Because I can't trust Eddie, my assistant.

[2281] You'll fucking...

[2282] No, I've had to make a phone call.

[2283] I'm like, well, why am I in the fucking pool upside down then?

[2284] Who told you to go in the pool?

[2285] The fucking voice in my head told me to go in the pool.

[2286] The voice you had.

[2287] I'm not going to tell you go in the pool.

[2288] It's going to tell you to lie down the grass, just relax, stare up at the sky.

[2289] It's going to be okay until it's not okay anymore, and then it's not going to matter.

[2290] And then what?

[2291] Then you go into the next stage of existence.

[2292] How long do the microdosing last?

[2293] Microdosing is easy.

[2294] You barely notice it's happening.

[2295] The thing about true microdosing is you're supposed to take it at really almost like sub -perceptible levels.

[2296] So you're taking it at a level where it's like you just barely get like a tiny rise from it.

[2297] And for many people, you know, Ron White is into that.

[2298] That fucking Ron White makes me laugh.

[2299] Yeah.

[2300] Dude, he has no clue half the time what's happening.

[2301] He's the best.

[2302] I remember one night I dropped him home from the comedy store.

[2303] He was, we were there, everybody was drinking.

[2304] I don't know if you know he has drinks every now and then.

[2305] What?

[2306] And I was feeling good.

[2307] He was feeling good.

[2308] And he came outside.

[2309] He's like, I got to get home.

[2310] Who can drive me?

[2311] Can somebody call me an Uber?

[2312] And I go, I'll get you home, Ron.

[2313] He goes, are you going to drive?

[2314] You're drunk.

[2315] I go, no, I'm not.

[2316] My buddy will drive my car.

[2317] All right, let's go.

[2318] And I realized he gets in the front.

[2319] You get in the front, Ron.

[2320] I sat in the back seat in my car.

[2321] My buddy drives us.

[2322] I go, where are you like?

[2323] Good, Beverly Hills.

[2324] So he takes us to his house.

[2325] And he's like, all right, thanks, fellas.

[2326] Hey, you want to come in and see what comedy can buy you?

[2327] And I'm like, in my head at that moment, I went, he doesn't realize it's me. And I go, yeah, sure, I'll come in.

[2328] So I go in his house.

[2329] He goes, yeah, this is it.

[2330] It's all comedy.

[2331] And I go, nice.

[2332] And in my head, I'm thinking, my house is bigger than this.

[2333] Right?

[2334] And then he goes, and his girlfriend walks, and he goes, oh, hey, honey, this is, I'm sorry, bud, I forgot your name.

[2335] And she goes, oh, my God, Russell Peters.

[2336] And he goes like this.

[2337] Ah, fuck.

[2338] He was that drunk.

[2339] You forgot your name?

[2340] He forgot.

[2341] He didn't recognize me. I don't know what it was.

[2342] As soon as he heard me, he goes, ah, fuck.

[2343] Oh, my God.

[2344] That's blitzed.

[2345] I thought it was pretty hilarious.

[2346] That's a high level of blitzed.

[2347] Hey, call me, man. Just here's my number.

[2348] Give me a call.

[2349] By the way, the worst Ron White impression I think I've ever heard.

[2350] Possibly.

[2351] Lizair's what comedy can buy you.

[2352] Yeah.

[2353] It was my...

[2354] He's a character from a movie.

[2355] He is.

[2356] He's a really fucking funny guy, too, though.

[2357] Oh, he's ridiculously funny.

[2358] I've been on flights with him, and he didn't...

[2359] I sat, like, in the...

[2360] He was on the other aisle across to me, and I didn't even say anything to him.

[2361] He looked right at me. He didn't recognize me again.

[2362] I'm like...

[2363] Last time he did this podcast, we were talking, He's like, every fucking night.

[2364] I go, you get drunk every night.

[2365] He goes every fucking night.

[2366] We have this conversation afterwards.

[2367] I was like, you don't take any days off?

[2368] No. I don't think his liver would accept him taking a night off.

[2369] But you imagine getting drunk every night, and he doesn't look bad.

[2370] No. For a guy.

[2371] Great fucking hair.

[2372] His guy's great.

[2373] I got fucking hair envy.

[2374] And he's a killer.

[2375] Like, on stage, he's a fucking killer.

[2376] Like, it doesn't affect his stand -up.

[2377] In fact, it probably enhances it.

[2378] and the guy's been doing it forever.

[2379] Yeah.

[2380] I'm, what, 31 in?

[2381] You're 31 in, aren't you?

[2382] Yeah.

[2383] How do you tell a guy like that to change it up?

[2384] You can't...

[2385] Because it's not a problem.

[2386] He's a functioning alcoholic.

[2387] He's living in Austin now.

[2388] Is he really?

[2389] Yep.

[2390] Wow.

[2391] So everybody knows where you're going?

[2392] Shh.

[2393] I'll tell anybody.

[2394] Nobody will hear this.

[2395] Don't worry about it.

[2396] We're going to be fine.

[2397] Shh, keep it on the D .O. You think you're going to stay here, though?

[2398] You're going to stay here.

[2399] I have no choice.

[2400] Talk those broads and a moving.

[2401] I can't.

[2402] It will cost me a four.

[2403] fortune that I do not have right now.

[2404] Podcast.

[2405] You need to get that.

[2406] I should.

[2407] Russell Peter's podcast rolling.

[2408] What would you call it?

[2409] I don't know.

[2410] What would you call it?

[2411] The Russell Peter show?

[2412] Sure.

[2413] Why not?

[2414] It doesn't need another name.

[2415] Everybody wants to come up with these fucking, like, Brian Callan had mixed mental arts for a while.

[2416] Exactly.

[2417] Exactly.

[2418] Me and Chab were torturing them.

[2419] We were like, what are you doing?

[2420] I was just with Brian Ed.

[2421] Frank Grillo's birthday at Frank Grillo's place.

[2422] And it was like...

[2423] You see his guy's eyelids done?

[2424] Yeah, I couldn't tell.

[2425] Yeah, nobody can tell.

[2426] No. He looked like he got the fuck beat out of him for about three days.

[2427] Yeah.

[2428] Now he looks normal.

[2429] Yeah, he did have kind of like a purpley thing under it.

[2430] I thought he was from sparring or something.

[2431] From vanity.

[2432] And I think Gerard Butler was there that night.

[2433] Oh.

[2434] Gerard Butler's a really nice guy.

[2435] He's a good guy.

[2436] I met him in a few UFCs.

[2437] Super nice guy.

[2438] And at the end of the night.

[2439] And I said to Brian, I go, well, you killed tonight, man. You won tonight's party, that's for sure.

[2440] Oh, he's great at a party.

[2441] Oh, yeah, he's great.

[2442] He's one of the best guys for being funny in groups of people.

[2443] Yeah.

[2444] Because that's when he comes alive.

[2445] Like, if he never did stand up again, but he just went to dinner every night, he'd be fine.

[2446] Yeah, he could be a professional guest.

[2447] Yes.

[2448] Yes.

[2449] Yeah.

[2450] A professional dinner guest.

[2451] Yeah.

[2452] Hey, listen, this dinner might be boring.

[2453] How much is Callin charged for dinner?

[2454] Dude, the first time ever went hunting, I went hunting with Callan.

[2455] me and him and Steve Ronell and the meat eater crew and we went to Montana and it was seven days of hysterics it was like one long shit dick or gay joke it was just him being no dude let's just make out yeah yeah exactly that's the whole thing like what would you do right now if I just started sucking you cock just me sucking your cock he's just he's just such a ah you know like people think about comedians oh they're on all the time that's so annoying it's not annoying with count No, he knows how to do it properly.

[2456] Well, it's a different kind of on.

[2457] It's Brian Callan on.

[2458] Like, yeah, he'd be a great professional dinner guest.

[2459] You know how people do cameo?

[2460] Yeah.

[2461] You know, they pay to get...

[2462] I do cameo.

[2463] Yeah.

[2464] Someone pays you to do like a little shout -out.

[2465] Matter of fact, I have one, I have to do when I'm done here.

[2466] Oh, let's do it real quick.

[2467] But with Callan, like, Callan should do that, but with dinner guests.

[2468] He should be a dinner guest.

[2469] He should, yeah.

[2470] I bet you he can make a fucking fortune doing that.

[2471] Oh, for sure.

[2472] How many rich guys would love to hang out with Callan?

[2473] Yeah.

[2474] And even if they don't know them, once they get them, I'm like, oh, yeah.

[2475] Because I saw Gerard Berler go, hey, we need to hang out.

[2476] And I'm like, I hang out too, man. I didn't say shit all night.

[2477] I shut up in a lot of those situations because I'm like, I'm watching everything.

[2478] You know, I'm always like, it's going on in here.

[2479] But when a lot of people are talking, there's nothing wrong with shutting up.

[2480] Yeah.

[2481] It's fun.

[2482] Hey, you don't learn when you talk.

[2483] You learn when you listen.

[2484] So that's what I was trying to do.

[2485] Yeah, look at you, wise man. You should write that down somewhere and put it on an Instagram page.

[2486] I read it somewhere.

[2487] Motivational quotes.

[2488] Yeah.

[2489] I miss Jack Handy quotes Those were my favorite Jack Handy Remember Jack Handy from S &L?

[2490] No It would always be like Like a Hallmark kind of quote It takes a big man to cry But it takes an even bigger man To laugh at that man who's crying Stuff like that You pull those up there Nothing has been better For those kind of things In the internet Oh yeah That's the thing now Yeah you see people fucking write one line Like fuck that'd have been a great bit Now I can't do it Because this fucking idiot boasting this Well yeah Yeah, and it's also just that memes on the Internet is a different style of comedy.

[2491] It's like a whole new kind of comedy that didn't exist before.

[2492] Yeah.

[2493] You know, when something goes wrong, like little memes.

[2494] Those are my favorite.

[2495] They're fucking great.

[2496] I like, what did I, I, I screenshot them, and then I sent them to my brother.

[2497] I sent one today to him, I think.

[2498] There was one I saw it, it said, my wife's gone into labor.

[2499] I called the hospital.

[2500] My wife's gone into labor.

[2501] What should I do?

[2502] Is this her first child?

[2503] No, this is her husband.

[2504] Blah, blah, plan.

[2505] I love dumb shit like that, though.

[2506] You're a throwback.

[2507] I'm old school.

[2508] That's a Jeff Ross type.

[2509] I spoke to Jeff last night.

[2510] How's you doing?

[2511] He's doing good.

[2512] Yeah, he's doing good.

[2513] I love Jeff.

[2514] Everybody's in suspended animation.

[2515] Everybody.

[2516] The only thing that's been connecting me to everybody is doing this.

[2517] Being able to sit down with guys, shoot the shit with him, other than last weekend with Tony and Moses when we went to Houston.

[2518] That felt like the old days again.

[2519] It was crazy.

[2520] You did the Houston improv?

[2521] Yeah.

[2522] I was there.

[2523] It was my first time ever there.

[2524] Really?

[2525] Yeah.

[2526] Stage is really high.

[2527] It's great.

[2528] Yeah.

[2529] It's a great club.

[2530] I like it.

[2531] I like it a lot.

[2532] It was really fun.

[2533] What was capacity?

[2534] 50, 75?

[2535] They were up to 75.

[2536] Yeah.

[2537] Yeah, 75%.

[2538] I think that's what they were doing in Miami, too.

[2539] It's pretty packed.

[2540] Yeah, it looked full.

[2541] So Chrysher's on the road, right?

[2542] And he's doing drive -in movie theaters.

[2543] I saw that.

[2544] And he's got Jesus with him.

[2545] Yes.

[2546] And in between, and he did the driving with Miss Pat as well.

[2547] Hilarious.

[2548] Yeah.

[2549] I love Ms. Pat.

[2550] She's great.

[2551] In between, he did.

[2552] some clubs, and he did a club in Oklahoma.

[2553] It was supposed to be 120 seats socially distance.

[2554] They stuffed 343 people in there.

[2555] Oh, hilarious.

[2556] And they lied to them about the number.

[2557] So, Hesus went around counting heads.

[2558] Yep.

[2559] And he counted 343 people, and they were like, that count was grossly inaccurate.

[2560] Wow.

[2561] I have my assistant count at the club, too.

[2562] Just I'm like, Eddie, go count every fucking seat.

[2563] Every seat.

[2564] I don't want to be fucking shortchanged by their book.

[2565] Because I'm already getting shortchanged.

[2566] The money's bad now.

[2567] Yeah.

[2568] The money's less, they're charging less.

[2569] But in their Burt's situation, Burt was worried about catching COVID.

[2570] He's like, look, man, I did drive -in movie theaters for a reason so that I would be away from everybody.

[2571] They're in their car, I'm over here, everybody's safe.

[2572] And he's like, now I'm in this club.

[2573] He goes, I don't feel safe at all.

[2574] He goes, this is not good.

[2575] They just stuffed it, dude.

[2576] I'll show you a picture.

[2577] He sent me a picture of it.

[2578] I mean, it's fucking stuffed, man. Like, full -on stuffed.

[2579] Fucking Bert and Tom called me a couple of weeks ago.

[2580] Hey, is Hindi a religion?

[2581] No, no, Hindi's a language, you fucking idiot.

[2582] Hindu's the religion.

[2583] Yeah, that's the one I like.

[2584] That's the one I like.

[2585] That's the one I like.

[2586] What the fuck does that even mean?

[2587] Literally what Bert called to ask me. What does that mean?

[2588] That's the religion I like.

[2589] What's your favorite part?

[2590] What do you like about that one?

[2591] That's the one with Shiva?

[2592] Yeah, that's the one I like.

[2593] Look at this.

[2594] Like it's a fucking trilogy.

[2595] Look how packed that place is.

[2596] oh Jesus Christ he sent me that he goes fuck he goes I don't feel safe I'm like yeah it's in Oklahoma yeah I'm like yeah he shouldn't feel safe I like that there's one guy with the mask one guy meanwhile the fucking the cases in Oklahoma are through the roof are they really yeah here I'll put this up on I'll give us I'll send this to you Jamie so that you can put it online shame these people we don't even have to say who it is but you know there's a lot of people that'll tell you you know they'll tell you that they've got X amount of people in the audience but then once you actually get there man I think once you get to middle America they're not as ball -busting the authorities um well the thing is I don't think it's the authorities man I think it's the people in the club they're fucking hurting man and they're willing to do anything I just send it to you Jamie the people that are I mean imagine if you've gone you know 10 years in the business there it is look at that folks look how Proposterous.

[2597] That guy looks like an employee, too.

[2598] Yeah.

[2599] That is fucking preposterous to size that crowd that they told him it was only going to be 120 people socially distant.

[2600] They're stuffed in there.

[2601] Your count is grossly inaccurate.

[2602] I bet someone online can count 340 people from that photo.

[2603] Yeah, that's a lot of fucking people really close to each other.

[2604] I see the clubs I've been playing, I've noticed they've been paying attention.

[2605] Like in San Diego, the American Comedy Club, they had no front row at all.

[2606] Yeah, they're doing it right.

[2607] Yeah, no front row at all, and then it was after that, it was tables.

[2608] Yeah, San Diego's doing it right.

[2609] Now, see, that wouldn't bother me nearly as much.

[2610] 347, that's the count was.

[2611] Jesus Christ.

[2612] That's a full club.

[2613] It's a full club.

[2614] It's very much a full club.

[2615] That's a packed house.

[2616] The San Diego is smart.

[2617] That's a good, see, as long as there's enough space between you and them, so if they're laughing, you're not getting it in your mouth.

[2618] Mm -hmm.

[2619] You know?

[2620] And you're higher than them already, so.

[2621] That's what you need.

[2622] And you also probably should have a shield.

[2623] I spit a lot when I'm on stage.

[2624] Wow.

[2625] And that's why I would say There's a reason you're back there and I'm here We've got to get to a point where there's a test That you can take immediately So if they have that saliva test There's a saliva test The saliva test makes the most sense to me Because that's where it's transmitted That's where the blood test seems a little I mean I get what you're doing But saliva seems like the most Direct way of you would get it Where did you get your medical degree?

[2626] I'm a doctor I don't know if you know about this I'm a doctor of the mix motherfucker.

[2627] I think that they're going to be, they're going to have those soon.

[2628] And apparently they're really quick, like within a few seconds.

[2629] You could lick something and it'll tell you.

[2630] Because you're more likely to get spit on you from somebody else than blood.

[2631] But bro, that would be amazing.

[2632] Everybody wears a mask in line.

[2633] You get to the door.

[2634] You lick the thing.

[2635] It says you're clean.

[2636] And everybody can come in and be a normal person.

[2637] Yeah.

[2638] If we can get to that, we can open up everything.

[2639] Restaurants, movie theaters, comedy clubs.

[2640] Beaches.

[2641] Yeah.

[2642] They should put.

[2643] all their effort on that.

[2644] And I know they're apparently real close to that.

[2645] Someone was telling Dan, Trump was telling someone that they're real close to doing that.

[2646] Yeah.

[2647] It's got to be true.

[2648] He wouldn't lie.

[2649] Never.

[2650] A couple of states today have issued statewide facial covering requirements in public spaces, including Texas and I think Ohio.

[2651] Well, California's had that for a while, right?

[2652] Yeah, I have my mask in the car.

[2653] I wear it as needed.

[2654] I understand why I'm wearing it.

[2655] I understand why I'm wearing it.

[2656] Dude, I was busting Bill Burr's balls about it.

[2657] Like, you know, you know, I was just trying to rile them up.

[2658] Right.

[2659] And they started writing all these articles.

[2660] Like, I'm seriously, like, I'm a mask denier or something.

[2661] People are so silly with what they decide to.

[2662] You're an anti -mask apologist?

[2663] Which is one of those things where people are just looking for things to be upset about.

[2664] Fucking, I would love to hear Billy's version.

[2665] Oh, he's the best.

[2666] He's so upset about everything.

[2667] Well, he's also got rant muscles because he's ranting every week.

[2668] He does his podcast.

[2669] solo which is amazing that he can produce that much content i mean every fucking week he's doing two podcasts the monday morning podcast on monday and he does it on thursday too so he's doing two long rants every week and now he's doing one with bert yes the bill and bert show the bill bert bill bert yeah that's a great name it is perfect bill bert and they're so complete fucking polar opposites yes that's what makes it great well bert's a hustler man you got to give it up to Bert Kreischer.

[2670] I mean, he's the one of figure out how to do this drive -in movie theater thing.

[2671] He's got that two bears one cave.

[2672] He does with Tom.

[2673] That's doing really well.

[2674] He's got his own podcast.

[2675] He's fucking hustling.

[2676] I did Bert's podcast maybe six years ago.

[2677] He came to my house when I was in Malibu.

[2678] We did it in my house.

[2679] We did it up in my bedroom, I believe.

[2680] Oh, really?

[2681] Yeah, we sat on the couch out there.

[2682] That's cool.

[2683] Yeah, man, you should do your own.

[2684] I really should do your own.

[2685] Now's the time.

[2686] I think on a worldwide scale, my mind would do pretty well.

[2687] You're just going to do pretty well here too, but the thing is, like, you've got to get going because it's, it's, you know, it takes a few months for them to really get cooking and really, you know, get a bunch of people into it.

[2688] But if you think about it now, we're here in June, it's almost July.

[2689] I don't see us opening any comedy until September or October.

[2690] I just...

[2691] I'm scheduled to be in Stand Up Live in Phoenix next weekend.

[2692] Whoa.

[2693] But literally day by day I'm getting a text closed open open, closed, open.

[2694] About them?

[2695] Yeah.

[2696] Oh.

[2697] So Arizona's wild.

[2698] Arizona is wild.

[2699] That is the wild west son.

[2700] I mean, they are connected to Mexico.

[2701] They give zero fucks.

[2702] They survived Indian attacks.

[2703] They have an open carry state.

[2704] First of all, I've never attacked anybody.

[2705] That's a different kind of Indian.

[2706] We're the real ones.

[2707] You are the real ones.

[2708] Is that offensive that other people call themselves Indians and never even been in India?

[2709] You mean the Native Americans?

[2710] Yeah.

[2711] The Native Americans do not accept the word Indian.

[2712] They do.

[2713] That's where you're wrong.

[2714] I had a Native American lady on this podcast talking to me about Native American tribes and they actually use the term Indian.

[2715] They like Indian.

[2716] American Indian.

[2717] We don't like that.

[2718] Because they were only called that because he was looking for India.

[2719] Yeah, he fucked up.

[2720] Yeah.

[2721] What a fuck up too.

[2722] I know.

[2723] Jesus.

[2724] He knew this wasn't India.

[2725] You don't think so?

[2726] Yeah, he fucking knew.

[2727] He was like, oh, that must be India.

[2728] He was like, they don't know.

[2729] That must be Indian.

[2730] Those must be the Indians.

[2731] Really?

[2732] Yeah, of course.

[2733] Christopher Columbus was fucking lost.

[2734] That's why I was like, what do you do on Columbus Day?

[2735] She's getting your car and turned your GPS off?

[2736] Well, didn't they land in the Bahamas?

[2737] Possibly?

[2738] I think they landed into the Bahamas.

[2739] Who, Christopher Columbus?

[2740] I think the first people that were, Amerigo Vespucci, did he land here?

[2741] That's where America comes from, right?

[2742] The name America's, Amerigo v. Pucci.

[2743] Oh, really?

[2744] Yeah.

[2745] I'm very ignorant to that.

[2746] That thing is in a doubt.

[2747] That's why I like talking to you, because you do give me information of should I did know.

[2748] Very little, and I'm off and wrong.

[2749] That's fine.

[2750] Don't get your information from me. Yeah, but your confidence is within.

[2751] I'm with, I believe it and I'm wrong a lot.

[2752] Trust me. But yeah, I think they landed, I think they didn't even land in America proper.

[2753] I think they landed in the Bahamas first, if I remember correctly, which is ridiculous.

[2754] And when, 1600s?

[2755] I don't know.

[2756] I mean, 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue, right?

[2757] That's what they say.

[2758] That's what happened.

[2759] We didn't learn that in Canada.

[2760] This is actually neither of them landed in America.

[2761] Where'd they land?

[2762] I'm trying to move.

[2763] America Vespucci.

[2764] Yeah.

[2765] Yeah, there we go.

[2766] Yeah, there we go.

[2767] See, I know something.

[2768] See, I occasionally know some things.

[2769] But, you know, what's crazy is that we still celebrate Columbus Day when we know he's a fucking serial killer.

[2770] I mean, the guy was a ruthless murderer, a horrific person, the shit that they did to the Native Americans that was documented by the missionaries that came along with them.

[2771] Yeah, but in outer Mongolia, they have Genghis Khan Day, which is really a nice day.

[2772] That's hilarious.

[2773] The fireworks are incredible.

[2774] The rapings, the murders, the skull.

[2775] lighting people on fire.

[2776] The skull triad, the skull pyramid he made.

[2777] Yeah, dude.

[2778] Have you ever listened to the wrath of the cons from Dan Carlin, from hardcore history?

[2779] I didn't know much about Genghis Khan.

[2780] I knew he was a conqueror and all that stuff.

[2781] I knew he was ruthless as fuck.

[2782] Ruthless as fuck.

[2783] But when you listen to the wrath of the cons from hardcore history, I think you can only get it on Dan Carlin's website.

[2784] Now, he keeps a certain – Dan Carlin has a system where he keeps a certain amount of them, It makes them available for free on his iTunes page.

[2785] But then once they get to a certain number, then he archives them on his website and then you have to pay.

[2786] But it's only a dollar in episode.

[2787] And they're amazing.

[2788] He's got a podcast, but to call his podcast and my podcast, the same thing is ridiculous.

[2789] Like his podcast is really like an amazing, super entertaining audio history book, whereas this is just you and me talking shit.

[2790] Yeah, but yours, I think you're underestimating how entertaining yours is.

[2791] Because I could put it on with no matter who the fuck your guest is.

[2792] No matter, even if I'm like, I don't know who that is, but I'll watch it.

[2793] And then I watch it.

[2794] I go, I just learned so much.

[2795] Hmm, well, that's good.

[2796] It's good.

[2797] And it's, you know, and sometimes I find even when you have the more, the people that you think you're going to get more from you, like, hmm, that wasn't it.

[2798] Sometimes, yeah, you never know.

[2799] You never know who's going to be a good guest.

[2800] It's good that you get Elon to fucking talk.

[2801] Yeah.

[2802] Because I've met him.

[2803] Yeah.

[2804] Not a talker.

[2805] well he likes me and he knows I like him and we can talk like he knows that I respect him very much I respect the shit out of him and I'm very curious and so I can I know how to pull things out of him and after we did the first one like the first one was a little rough at first man if you go back and listen to the first one the first like maybe you know 15 20 minutes is it's kind of pulling teeth and doing heavy lifting but then he got comfortable he was super comfortable when I first met him when he came to the studio he was real one warm and friendly, gave me the flamethrower.

[2806] It was good times.

[2807] Yeah.

[2808] But then once he settled in and then we had started, we drank.

[2809] That was one of the reasons why we started drinking right away.

[2810] I wanted to loosen him up.

[2811] And then once he got loosened up, then we had a good time.

[2812] I met him from John Favreau, so I figured Fav and him were really good friends.

[2813] I thought he'd be like, you know, oh, cool, you're friends with Fav.

[2814] It was like, hey, that's me. Dude, he's almost too smart.

[2815] It's like, he's like talking to dogs.

[2816] Yeah, I mean, he's got a different level.

[2817] of looking at things and making things happen.

[2818] Yeah, you and I are a couple of collies.

[2819] Yeah, we're fucking idiots.

[2820] I mean, me for sure.

[2821] For sure, both of us.

[2822] I'm a chihuahua.

[2823] I'm not even a fucking collie.

[2824] We're morons.

[2825] And he's digging tunnels under L .A. And shooting rockets into space.

[2826] Meanwhile, he's making electric cars and solar panels and solar city.

[2827] Like, what the fuck, man. Yeah, he's the Dr. Dre of fucking, of science.

[2828] He's the Nikola Tesla of 2020 is what he is.

[2829] That's why he named it after that, right?

[2830] It's important to have guys like that around.

[2831] It's funny when people talk shit about him.

[2832] And he's our age.

[2833] That's the fucking crazy part.

[2834] Younger than us.

[2835] Yeah, he's younger than us.

[2836] He's like 46 or something.

[2837] I did a, like, a Canadian talk show, and his mom was on with me. This was earlier this year, I think.

[2838] Did they have to plug her in?

[2839] Was she a robot?

[2840] She's beautiful.

[2841] Really?

[2842] She's like 70, but she's really, she was a model, and you could see it.

[2843] You're like, oh, yeah, she's, I felt awkward.

[2844] I'm like, hey, she's fucking hot.

[2845] Not too awkward.

[2846] because I was like, I would take a run.

[2847] I'd have had the chance, you know?

[2848] Maybe get the rub, get a little smarter.

[2849] But, yeah, I don't think I was smarter.

[2850] Imagine you fuck a smart person, you'd get a little smarter?

[2851] That'd be amazing.

[2852] That would be amazing.

[2853] Yeah, because I think I've definitely gotten dumber.

[2854] As you got older?

[2855] No, by fucking dumb women.

[2856] Oh, yeah, you get dumber.

[2857] Yeah, you make dumb choices.

[2858] Because you've got to dumb it down to make yourself get in there.

[2859] Right.

[2860] You go to their level.

[2861] Right.

[2862] And then when you go to a smarter woman's level, you elevate your sense.

[2863] but then because they're smarter, you can't get away with the same bullshit.

[2864] There's nothing more embarrassing than if you think a girl is not so smart and then you find out she is smart.

[2865] That's how you know she's smart because she played it like she's not smart.

[2866] You know, Suzanne Summers was like that.

[2867] She's a very intelligent woman who understood, I'm going to use this to my advantage.

[2868] That makes sense.

[2869] As was Farah Fawcett.

[2870] Really?

[2871] She's real smart?

[2872] She was a very intelligent woman who knew that it was like, okay.

[2873] I see.

[2874] I see what you're looking.

[2875] Callen told me he did a movie with Megan Fox, and he said he made that mistake.

[2876] He was talking to her like she was a dummy, and then she turned on him, rattled off a bunch of facts and information.

[2877] He realized, like, oh.

[2878] Yeah, there's a reason these people are in the place they're in.

[2879] Not always.

[2880] Well, a lot of times.

[2881] Some of them are hot.

[2882] True.

[2883] Some of them fucked their way.

[2884] True.

[2885] That's true, too.

[2886] I remember Whitney got mad at me one night at the laugh factory.

[2887] For what?

[2888] I don't know.

[2889] You know, I was showing another comic, like picks, this was years ago, picks that girls had sent me, nudes and shit.

[2890] And she goes, I want to see.

[2891] And I go, it's just naked women.

[2892] She goes, let me see what the girl sent you.

[2893] And I show her, and she got fucking mad.

[2894] She was like, you know, you gotta stop dating fucking stupid women, Russell.

[2895] This is disgusting.

[2896] I didn't want to show you this.

[2897] She was like, no, you need to do better.

[2898] You're not an idiot.

[2899] Why the fuck you dating idiots?

[2900] I go, all right, I fucking felt bad after.

[2901] But you know why?

[2902] She gets like that?

[2903] Because she's really smart.

[2904] No, I know.

[2905] So she's probably.

[2906] gets upset at dumb women, like, setting a bad example.

[2907] Because I'm sure she gets treated like she's a dumb woman and she's not.

[2908] So she probably sees dumb women and sees that you give them attention.

[2909] She's like, you're helping, you're hurting us.

[2910] You're hurting the cause.

[2911] And I'm like, you know what?

[2912] And I get it.

[2913] And, you know, the thing with female comics, I don't look at them as female comics, look them as comics.

[2914] Right.

[2915] Because I'm like, if you're able to do the same job where there's no male or female in my eyes, we are doing the exact same job, the genders are relevant.

[2916] Well, comedy, stand -up comedy is very much a meritocracy.

[2917] Very much.

[2918] Yes.

[2919] The ones who are really good get a lot of respect.

[2920] Right.

[2921] No matter what they are.

[2922] Gay, straight, male female.

[2923] Sarah Silverman's one of my favorite comics of all time.

[2924] Bro, she's a murderer.

[2925] She's fucking incredible.

[2926] Murder.

[2927] And that's gender -free.

[2928] That's male -female doesn't matter.

[2929] She's a fucking beast.

[2930] Yeah.

[2931] Yeah, she's a killer.

[2932] Same with fighters, female fighters.

[2933] I don't look at them as female fighters.

[2934] Look at them as fighters.

[2935] Well, yeah.

[2936] Because they have the balls to do something I'm not going to be able to do.

[2937] Get in there and put it on the line.

[2938] Do you think you do a jihitsu match?

[2939] I was supposed to do the worlds this year.

[2940] Cut the fuck out of here.

[2941] I was going to do the Masters.

[2942] Really?

[2943] Yeah, in August.

[2944] Wow.

[2945] I was so excited for it because I had dropped weight, and I was going to go down to 205 because I think the weight limits 212 with the Ghee on.

[2946] And I'm already at 2 .10.

[2947] I'm like, fucking five more pounds.

[2948] Not a big deal.

[2949] Wow.

[2950] So Blue Belt Masters.

[2951] Blue Belt Masters under 50 because I'll be 50 in September.

[2952] I was so excited about it and then this fucking hole.

[2953] I was like so pissed.

[2954] I'm like, come on.

[2955] It's not even July.

[2956] I know.

[2957] Come on, baby.

[2958] It's not going to happen this year.

[2959] It's not going to happen.

[2960] No event.

[2961] No, they're not happening.

[2962] It's not happening this year.

[2963] The Olympics are canceled this year.

[2964] Is that real?

[2965] Yeah.

[2966] The Olympics for this year, right?

[2967] Yeah, they're not happening.

[2968] The Olympics aren't happening.

[2969] The Olympics aren't happening.

[2970] The fucking World Master Trichitz is going to happen.

[2971] No. Well, there have been some grappling competitions.

[2972] Right, the EBIs and all that kind of stuff.

[2973] Well, Chale Sondon's event, Submission Underground.

[2974] Is that ghee or no ghee?

[2975] No ghee?

[2976] Listen, I like no ghee, but I'm not ready for no ghee.

[2977] Yeah, I'll come.

[2978] I don't train enough, no ghee.

[2979] I'll train no ghee every now and then, you know, and I enjoy it, but it's a much faster game, and it's...

[2980] It's definitely different with grips and stuff.

[2981] Grips are different.

[2982] A lot of the neck grabbing that I don't like.

[2983] You don't like neck grabbing?

[2984] Because I get pimples on my necks.

[2985] I'm like, I'm always fucking...

[2986] Get your fucking hand away.

[2987] away from me. It's like boxing for me. When I see the hand come out, I would push it out of the way so I can get their neck.

[2988] Well, John Jack always says, don't ever trust your neck.

[2989] That's what he always tells me. He goes, don't ever trust your neck, unless you have my neck.

[2990] And then the guy that gave you the iron neck.

[2991] Yes.

[2992] Yeah.

[2993] He came to the gym shortly after I did the podcast last time.

[2994] And he was dropping off one to John Jack.

[2995] Oh, beautiful.

[2996] And he's like, yeah, I just heard you on Rogue.

[2997] And I go, so can I get one of these fucking things or what?

[2998] He's like, yeah, I never got it.

[2999] I have three of them.

[3000] I'll give you one.

[3001] Please.

[3002] Here?

[3003] I have one here.

[3004] I have four of them.

[3005] I have one here, and I have three at my house.

[3006] Because he keeps sending me the newest versions of it, but I still use the old version.

[3007] Yeah, I just need one.

[3008] I haven't even set up the, look, the old version's amazing.

[3009] I'm sure the new version's better, but I haven't even bothered taking it out of the box.

[3010] I would like to just to tighten this shit up here.

[3011] We'll lose some weight.

[3012] We'll tighten that shit up.

[3013] No, it's already, listen, I used to look like a fucking, like a nice sandwich.

[3014] Look like an Arby's sandwich here before.

[3015] Have you used it?

[3016] The iron neck?

[3017] You never used it?

[3018] No, but I could definitely enjoy it.

[3019] I'm pretty sure I would love to use it.

[3020] We'll go do it right now.

[3021] Right when we're done here.

[3022] I'll take you to show you.

[3023] It's real easy to use, real simple, and it's the best exercise ever for strength.

[3024] It's the safest for strengthening your neck.

[3025] Yeah, in boxing, we used to have to lay at the end of the ring with your head hanging off.

[3026] Oh, okay.

[3027] And then lift weights with the weights.

[3028] Yeah, just that shit.

[3029] Yeah.

[3030] And it wasn't even like a thing that was secure.

[3031] It was like a fucking leather strap belt with some weights hanging off your forehead.

[3032] You had to be careful.

[3033] It didn't slip off.

[3034] I have one of those, too, but I don't like it.

[3035] No, I don't like it either.

[3036] I don't think it's natural to put extra weight on your head and then bend it and put all that pressure on your discs of your neck.

[3037] Yeah.

[3038] The beautiful thing about the iron neck is it strengthens your neck without having to bend it in any weird way.

[3039] You keep your neck totally straight.

[3040] So your posture is straight like this, and you have the halo that goes on the head, and then the 50 -pound bungee cord.

[3041] So as you back up, you're never doing weird shit like this, which puts that additional pressure on your discs.

[3042] Right.

[3043] It's easy, buddy.

[3044] I'm looking forward to this.

[3045] All right, we'll do it.

[3046] Anything else?

[3047] Let's wrap this up.

[3048] What do you want?

[3049] You need to talk about?

[3050] No, I'm good.

[3051] Whatever you like.

[3052] Let everybody know.

[3053] The Russell Peter Show will be premiering.

[3054] Let me read you what I want to tell you.

[3055] Did you write some sit down?

[3056] I wrote some shit down.

[3057] Did you?

[3058] It's a nice watch, by the way.

[3059] Thank you.

[3060] You want it?

[3061] It's very sporty.

[3062] No. I'm good.

[3063] I gave you a watch once before.

[3064] You did.

[3065] You gave me a brightling.

[3066] And I wear it every time I do a special.

[3067] Do you?

[3068] Yep.

[3069] That's my good luck watch.

[3070] Oh, I appreciate that.

[3071] In strange times, I'm wearing your watch.

[3072] Oh, that's awesome.

[3073] You know, whenever I'm watching UFC, I go, what's he wearing?

[3074] And I noticed I was wearing like this stainless roly.

[3075] I'm like, fuck, that's not my watch.

[3076] I wear you watch all the time.

[3077] I know.

[3078] It makes me happy.

[3079] It makes me happy, too.

[3080] I still have the watch you gave me for that.

[3081] I remember.

[3082] I just had a watch on.

[3083] You had a watch on.

[3084] You had a letter strap.

[3085] You said it smelled.

[3086] It fucking stinks.

[3087] Holy shit.

[3088] It fucking stunk.

[3089] It's an old -ass watch.

[3090] But when you gave me that watch, like legitimately, I think my Comedy Central special special from 2014 has that watch on, too.

[3091] That's my good luck watch.

[3092] Oh, that's awesome.

[3093] That makes me really happy.

[3094] Makes me happy, too, both.

[3095] Let's see, what do I want?

[3096] Different psychedelics, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[3097] I said to my guy, I said, hey, Todd, I'm doing Rogan today.

[3098] I want to talk about our company.

[3099] And he goes, what company?

[3100] The one I'm working with, the one of the CCO of, Red Light Holland.

[3101] and I'm like, oh, great.

[3102] And then I go, send me some talking points.

[3103] This fucking guy sends me, I'm like, these aren't points?

[3104] This is a paragraph.

[3105] I don't know.

[3106] I need something I can look at and get the information real quick.

[3107] That's more than a paragraph.

[3108] That's many paragraphs.

[3109] It keeps going.

[3110] Yeah, that's a lecture.

[3111] You sent you a TED talk.

[3112] Fucking Todd Shapiro.

[3113] Anyway, red light truffles .com.

[3114] I can't imagine how the truffles are legal and then the caps are not.

[3115] Maybe it's a Holland thing.

[3116] Yeah, but it's still teet truffles.

[3117] It's still psilocybin.

[3118] Right.

[3119] But for some reason, it's the loophole, and we're taking advantage of the loophole.

[3120] Okay.

[3121] I'm all in.

[3122] And we're doing it in a way that it doesn't fuck you up.

[3123] How's that?

[3124] We're taking the right amounts for the microdosing.

[3125] Small amounts.

[3126] Yeah, small for the microdosing.

[3127] It's microdosing only at this point.

[3128] Well, a lot of people in San Francisco, before San Francisco imploded, they were all doing the microdosing in tech communities.

[3129] They were doing it.

[3130] It was really big.

[3131] That'd be great, yeah, because you open up your mind.

[3132] You get some ideas.

[3133] Yeah.

[3134] What does Elon do, then?

[3135] Because he's got some fucking wild out there ideas.

[3136] Bro, Elon's on another level.

[3137] He's the next stage of evolution.

[3138] That's what I think.

[3139] I think we're all like chimp people, and he's like this new thing.

[3140] Yeah.

[3141] And then he named his kid then.

[3142] Yeah, exactly.

[3143] I saw a meme and said, Elon Musk's kid will not have birthdays.

[3144] It'll have updates.

[3145] Yeah.

[3146] He's too fucking smart.

[3147] I don't want to be that smart.

[3148] Martin.

[3149] That's one of the things that I asked him, too.

[3150] I was like, what is it like?

[3151] You wouldn't want to be me. You literally said that.

[3152] I can't imagine him getting sleep.

[3153] Yeah.

[3154] I mean, I think ideas are just bouncing off his head like a fucking super ball.

[3155] Yeah.

[3156] The inside of his head just bing -me -wing -me -me -me -me -me -me -mm.

[3157] Yeah, it's like pong.

[3158] Yeah.

[3159] But when you get, when you get it stuck between things, yeah, rough, better off being dumb like us, right?

[3160] I mean, you're to me, you are, I don't know if you know this, but to me and a lot of people, I would say almost all of your listeners, you were the guy that a lot of people go to to find out information.

[3161] Yeah, because I have a good memory, but that's it.

[3162] You have a good memory and you're non -biased?

[3163] I try.

[3164] Try very hard.

[3165] Yeah.

[3166] That's one thing that I've learned from doing this podcast.

[3167] I've learned how to look at information for what it really is, and I'm learning there's zero benefit in not admitting you're wrong, and zero benefit in pretending you have information that you don't have.

[3168] Like, if I don't know something I ask, you know, it's very important.

[3169] Yeah, you got to, you're very good at retaining things.

[3170] Some things, ask my wife, a lot of shit I don't.

[3171] I mean, you didn't remember to download Scotty Fox's mix that I sent you, but I mean.

[3172] When you told me, I was probably high.

[3173] We were at dinner.

[3174] It was you, me, the hunter guy and the black guy who makes me feel bad about sleeping in.

[3175] Oh, Guggins.

[3176] That's hilarious.

[3177] So is it Cam Haines and Guggins?

[3178] That's right.

[3179] We're in Vegas.

[3180] That's right.

[3181] It was the four of us.

[3182] That's right.

[3183] That's right.

[3184] And Chuck Zito had that crazy jacket with the tassels, the crazy Native American jacket.

[3185] So he comes over to hug everybody's everybody's drinks.

[3186] It's got gravy on him and stuff.

[3187] Chuck Zito's such a character.

[3188] I love Chuck.

[3189] He's, you know, despite his heart exterior, is the sweetest guy in the world.

[3190] Sweet guy.

[3191] I could count on him at any time of the day.

[3192] Yeah, he's quite a character, too.

[3193] 67 years old.

[3194] That's amazing.

[3195] He looks great.

[3196] Looks great, and he's a...

[3197] He had a health care a while back, right?

[3198] A few, four, five years ago, prostate cancer, got it removed.

[3199] Bounce back.

[3200] Bounce back.

[3201] Beautiful.

[3202] The old school, you know, the old school guys are like, you know, it's about honor and their word.

[3203] And I appreciate that.

[3204] I think I'm a little old school in that regard.

[3205] Yeah.

[3206] I think you are, too.

[3207] I would say that.

[3208] Yeah.

[3209] All about my word.

[3210] Fuck it.

[3211] Fuck it.

[3212] Russell Peter's show coming soon.

[3213] When can people plan on it?

[3214] September?

[3215] you tell me. I'm going to need you.

[3216] September.

[3217] September, let's do it.

[3218] Yeah, we'll work it out through this month in August.

[3219] Joe's going to guide me through this.

[3220] Start doing some dry runs.

[3221] I'll be guest number one.

[3222] How about that?

[3223] That'd be fucking amazing.

[3224] Yes!

[3225] We'll get you high on mushrooms.

[3226] We'll figure it out.

[3227] You know, we'll get high on mushrooms and do the first one.

[3228] That sounds good.

[3229] That's amazing.

[3230] Let's do it.

[3231] Russell Peters, ladies and gentlemen, goodbye.

[3232] America and the rest of the world.