21 - Because 7 8 9

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Let's get settled in.

[17] Well, all right.

[18] Let's get cozy and comfy.

[19] Light some candles.

[20] Oh, did you start?

[21] I think this is it.

[22] I think this is the last episode.

[23] Do I normally talk like that, Karen?

[24] Kind of presentationally.

[25] Cozy and comfy.

[26] Georgia, are you seducing me in your own home?

[27] Oh.

[28] Welcome.

[29] This is my favorite murder.

[30] Karen is taking a drink of water.

[31] I'm Georgia.

[32] I don't know that every once tomorrow.

[33] Hey, it comes out.

[34] It feels like I have to do it sometimes.

[35] Like, I don't have a choice.

[36] Get it out of your system.

[37] Bye.

[38] Bye.

[39] Welcome to episode 21 of the podcast that rocks you to sleep at night and then shocks you awake at 3 a .m. with bad feelings.

[40] And yet, you still want to be friends with it.

[41] We've become, we're now a sleep helping podcast.

[42] We're like the podcast sleep with me that I'm obsessed with, except we'll make you stay awake all night.

[43] That's right.

[44] So it's for people who don't want to fall asleep ever again.

[45] Are you a night show security guard?

[46] Yeah.

[47] You might want to listen to this podcast.

[48] Do you have manic depression and you're just going to be up all night anyways?

[49] Then jump on board.

[50] Do you have a colicky baby?

[51] Are you a murderer?

[52] A serial killer?

[53] Are you a burglar?

[54] A burglar.

[55] Are you a cat burglar?

[56] Are you a cat burglar?

[57] Let us sneak along the rooftops with you.

[58] We'd love to.

[59] Let's do it Goodbye I've worked Today as most Americans did Not me But you did But you did do something No Really?

[60] Were you in that outfit all day?

[61] Not this one This is actually cuter than what I was wearing all day And this is a fucking house dress Georgia has a house dress on That Looks like something from Bewitched but hotter.

[62] It's like a key party, like a casual key party outfit.

[63] It's like a tomato red with gold brocade, sleeveless, niny house dress.

[64] I mean, they don't make them like that anymore.

[65] Karen, I'm trying to seduce you.

[66] You were correct.

[67] Girl, it's working.

[68] I don't need a house dress.

[69] Yeah, so you work.

[70] Murder story.

[71] That's the sad truth of it.

[72] That's all that.

[73] Yeah.

[74] Have you, I'm trying to think of like have I've ever been to a party or a situation where a guy has talked about this topic we love so much, kind of brought it up themselves.

[75] Like you've bonded even like, I got, I had the best conversation with this guy last night.

[76] Right.

[77] Like across a crowded room.

[78] Gersh.

[79] I don't think so.

[80] I don't either.

[81] What is happening over there?

[82] Kev's just playing with the, there's a kitten in the room.

[83] Everyone should know this.

[84] George's upping the cat factor.

[85] by 1 ,000 with a cat a kitten named Kevin.

[86] Oh my God, and he's being very loud right now, but he's so cute.

[87] He's super, he looks, Georgia won't admit that she bought a purebred cat.

[88] I did not buy a purebred.

[89] I did not buy a dot, don't shop.

[90] God damn it.

[91] This cat looks so purebred though.

[92] He's weird.

[93] He's a lynx point Siamese.

[94] He's pure bread.

[95] However, he was found, I don't know, let's say in a dumpster.

[96] Let's say in a tiny cat -sized dumpster.

[97] A tiny cat -sized dumpster.

[98] He was bottle fed. He was bottle fed by a raccoon.

[99] A cap burglar stole him from a purebred breeding place and is now adopting them out.

[100] And then a family of frogs that wear vests raised him down by a lawn.

[101] Stop it.

[102] That's so cute.

[103] The mom accepted them as her baby.

[104] Yep.

[105] And Kevin rode on the mom frogs back until they were like, this hurts.

[106] I got to get rid of this.

[107] There's George's house.

[108] Let's drop them off.

[109] Doot, dude.

[110] And they are.

[111] But they wrote their lily pad right up.

[112] Am I hallucinating?

[113] Are we both high?

[114] We both.

[115] Neither of us got high before this.

[116] This is adding to the dream, the sleep podcast.

[117] Oh, that's what we're doing.

[118] Meandering stories.

[119] Meandering stories.

[120] We're going to add, we're going to try to add along with all the horrible visuals that we feed straight into your brain.

[121] We're also adding some fun toad in a vest visuals.

[122] Yeah, some like, some like acid visuals, some fucking, let's say you're on peyote.

[123] Have you ever done peyote?

[124] Paiote?

[125] Is that a thing you could do?

[126] God.

[127] I've never been offered peyote in my life.

[128] I don't, don't you have to go to the Andes or something to get that shit?

[129] Sure.

[130] Or, ayahuasca.

[131] Be friends with Duncan Tressel or something.

[132] I am friends with them.

[133] Oh, I am.

[134] I go, name drop.

[135] Sorry if you can't handle it.

[136] Are you?

[137] Are you?

[138] What do we got any housekeeping?

[139] Man, we got a shitty shooting.

[140] story.

[141] Do we talk about that?

[142] Are we just going to be like every week we talk about what's in the news?

[143] I mean, seriously, it's such a bummer.

[144] I mean, this one too is like such a huge one that I don't, I didn't process it.

[145] When I first heard it, I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, mass shooting.

[146] And then as it progresses and I look at social media and everything, it's so awful.

[147] I feel like it's one of those serious watermark things where people, it's like, when are we going to do something?

[148] one would hope, but why wouldn't Sandy Hook be that?

[149] Those are, those were like five -year -old children that got gun down.

[150] It's so rough.

[151] You know, not that gay people are any, but it's just this.

[152] Why wouldn't that have been?

[153] Yes.

[154] I got shamed on social media.

[155] Why?

[156] Okay.

[157] I don't want to be like on this topic?

[158] Yeah.

[159] I want to be, I want to take responsibility for my act.

[160] and not say this is stupid, and say that maybe I did something wrong.

[161] So I posted something about like guns don't kill people, people with mental illness who have access to guns.

[162] Oh, dude.

[163] And I got all these responses that were like, please don't, you need to not say homophobia as a mental illness.

[164] It was all in the point that I said that guy as a mental illness, which I think when you've fucking gunned down 100 people in a nightclub, you probably have some sort of mental illness.

[165] but they were saying that I was calling homophobia a mental illness.

[166] Right.

[167] And so people with things like clinical depression are like, don't fucking put that guy in my group.

[168] I have clinical depression and he can be in our group.

[169] Well, I mean, yeah, but I feel like people these days...

[170] No, no, no, no, they weren't saying that.

[171] They were saying that homophobia isn't a mental illness.

[172] Like his eyes were wide open.

[173] He knew exactly what he was doing.

[174] But I don't think you can kill people without having some sort of mental illness.

[175] I feel like these days there's certain words you just can't even say without, I mean, you can say them all you want, but just know you're going to get 50 at replies from people who are either wildly unreasonable or coming from a direction that they are not taking into account, they want to parse words with you.

[176] It's just hard because I know I wish people, those people knew me and that I am completely, I am so not homophobic and, you know, and I was just trying to be.

[177] supportive and saying how awful it is that we don't have any gun control.

[178] Right.

[179] And I'm disgusted by it, but instead it just seemed like I was, like, that I was doing something wrong by saying those things felt really shitty.

[180] I mean, people love to tell you you're wrong.

[181] Not you specifically, but people love to tell each other they're wrong.

[182] It's really into that.

[183] Yeah.

[184] But I think that that's some, especially in those times where people, I think when people are in grief or in panic or in serious fear, they do.

[185] just start reacting and like and answering and trying to police other people because they don't have any control over the way the world works yeah and it just turns into like real every nobody's saying the right thing and you can't say that and this is how you grieve and this is how you express yourself and these are the rules and the rules and the rules and the rules and it's like that's fine except for you're going after the wrong people well exactly well also just like you said they don't know you so they're assuming it i've done that a bunch of times where I've tweeted something that then I'm like, oh, this might be a buzzword or this might be sensitive.

[186] And no matter what people write back to me, the first thing I assume is that they're against me. Me too.

[187] And so then I have to read it twice to be like, oh, no, they're making a joke along with me. I mean, I don't know.

[188] It's not the best.

[189] Social media isn't, we all pretend like it's a resort.

[190] And it's actually, it's kind of like a, you know, it's like a weird hobo camp.

[191] Am I allowed to say hobo?

[192] It's like a crazy hobo camp where everyone's drinking moonshine.

[193] And so there's a lot of big reactions and there's a lot of potatoes and aluminum foil.

[194] I didn't say the wrong thing.

[195] You misconstrued my, you know, because I don't know.

[196] That's like such a shitty thing to do.

[197] Yeah, and just let him have it.

[198] Like there's, you just let him have it.

[199] Yeah, I deleted.

[200] I deleted what I said.

[201] Oh, you did?

[202] Yeah.

[203] I mean, whatever.

[204] It's not, I don't know.

[205] It's all shit.

[206] There's no, there's no way to do.

[207] it right.

[208] And especially when people are like, when people are up in arms, it starts to feel good to be up in arms.

[209] Not in this case specifically, but I feel like, you know, public shaming and the shaming thing, it starts to feel like, no, you need to hear something about how this really is.

[210] It's because people are scared and that's like, it's such a terrible threat, like a guy murdered people because we saw two guys kissing.

[211] It's almost too, I see it in a way where it's like people who are really into these in these like let's say you're in an indie band and you love them and then they get big and you're like you didn't you don't get to claim them it's like almost like you don't get to say that this person is insane because they're homophobic that's my thing and how dare you try to empathize right yeah you're empathizing wrong is what you're being told right but that's also you have to remember that there's people that don't that are not on Twitter because they appreciate a turn of phrase or a you were basically doing a satire of that old saying and I shouldn't have it's corny anyways well no no no I was being emotional let's be honest in the middle of this whole thing I'm like that was hacky Georgia because I don't think I don't agree anyone and I am completely supportive of mostly everyone.

[212] Also, if you're on Twitter and you find yourself at replying and correcting people's grammar, wording, or behavior, you might want to just go take, just have a nice tall glass of water and just stand in the kitchen for 20 minutes.

[213] I just took a sip of water.

[214] Was that directed at me?

[215] You know what?

[216] I use everything around me, like a great improvising.

[217] It's amazing.

[218] The only correction of grammar that I've ever appreciated was Because some woman wrote to the National Spelling Bee, tweeted at them and said, like, something about, like, they have this, like, this couch that when you lose, you can go talk to a therapist on the National Spelling Bee.

[219] And this woman was like, can we stop coddling the kids?

[220] And when they lose, just like let them fucking lose and, like, learn a lesson.

[221] But she had written loose.

[222] And so the National Spelling Bee just wrote at reply and wrote.

[223] lose.

[224] It spelled it correctly.

[225] Which was...

[226] God bless.

[227] My favorite thing like that that happened recently is they were talking about...

[228] Somebody wrote an article on Think it was on Huffington Post about how inappropriate it was for the Jimmy Kimmel show to ask Megan Fox something about her pregnancy.

[229] And Jimmy Kimmel was his Twitter account wrote back.

[230] Megan actually approved all of the questions that we asked her before the show, so go fuck yourself.

[231] And I retweeted it, a ton of people I know where it's like, yeah, actually, in television, all of those things are pre -agreed.

[232] There is no one that blindsides people on shows like that.

[233] That's why I can't watch those shows is because I am so, oh, every.

[234] Was that right that you went skiing recently?

[235] I did.

[236] You know, it's funny that you mentioned that is.

[237] So we were up.

[238] In Whistler, it's, I mean, it's as fake as can be.

[239] I, like, I make me so uncomfortable watching those things.

[240] It was my life.

[241] Oh, you did that.

[242] All my sister says, you are the worst person to watch to me that I'm the worst person to watch TV with.

[243] Because it's been ruined for me so bad that I love ruining TV for my sister.

[244] That was fake.

[245] That was all fake.

[246] Do you see that right there?

[247] That's an edit.

[248] That must be from something else because that lighting changed or whatever, where she's like, why would you?

[249] I'm sorry it was ruined for you.

[250] Why do you ruin it for me?

[251] Because it was fun.

[252] Because it was ruined for me. Because I can barely enjoy anything.

[253] Oh my God.

[254] Me neither.

[255] Hi.

[256] Yes.

[257] Award shows too.

[258] I can't deal with speeches.

[259] And like people like presenters and like them saying words wrong.

[260] Unable to read off a teleprompter when it's like, this is your job.

[261] And like clearly they hate the person they're presenting with.

[262] And then the person who wins is like such a fucking narcissist.

[263] Yeah.

[264] Well, I think that's what's happening in the whole room almost every time.

[265] Here's the thing.

[266] It all makes me sick to my stomach.

[267] It all is like, if you say you were an accountant all day, you were just like adding figures, adding figures.

[268] That'd be like if you then came home and you're like, do you want to watch the Ad and Figures Awards?

[269] No, I fucking don't want to watch that.

[270] Because this is all fucking smoke and mirrors, dog and pony.

[271] I want to watch the Ad Figures Awards because that sounds fun.

[272] I bet those guys are hot.

[273] I bet she could make some mad like snack puns on for Adam.

[274] figures you know like you could do the you could absolutely do that old joke of uh why was six afraid of seven seven eight nine it is the best joke ever written because seven eight nine ladies and gentlemen like your next this next presenter I was doing I was being the host that was going from that rat joke parties for um award shows and they like have snacks but the snacks need to be called like whatever like the pun on the movie oh yes yeah so like some kind of math math the numbers version of that yes for food like it's i would if it was my house i would put out a bowl of like salted peanuts and i'd be like 1 ,240 peanuts that's all i can think that's why you're the fucking writer in this room i was trying to think of the snacks that you put out for our legendary um academy awards party that we had some me and you and lizzie oh that was fun what would devil dugs be called um wait for the accounting awards yeah devil dates I can only have like squared all my jokes and they were square they were squared doubled eggs squared if the eggs themselves were squared are we going to have this party deviled seven eight nine I would have I would watch these things with you and Lizzie Cooperman our friend people who have who hate everything and want life to fuck off it has to be with people that are like -minded because I've been at ones where I want to make jokes and then people like, I'm keeping score.

[275] Excuse me. I'm keeping score.

[276] I'm ex -c -ciss me. No, fuck you.

[277] I was at a wedding over the weekend and then like a couple of us went back to this Airbnb and we're drinking and stuff and I was screaming at a show.

[278] I was yelling at, there was a documentary about like some gay actor in the 50s named Tad something.

[279] Tab Hunter.

[280] Yeah, and I was yelling about how it was all fake and all made up.

[281] And they were using modern day clips and making them look old.

[282] Why?

[283] Because I got real mad.

[284] I don't know, because it looked fake.

[285] I'm a fucking psychopath.

[286] Were people like, can I just watch this document?

[287] Wait, if you were to party, why were you watching a documentary?

[288] It wasn't a party anymore.

[289] It was just me and like three of my closest friends.

[290] Got it.

[291] So it was like, they've seen me at my worst.

[292] If you can't appreciate me at my worst, you can't hang out with me. at my at my worst.

[293] If you can't appreciate me at my worst, then you can't come to the accounting awards with me. Right.

[294] Because 7.

[295] I'm sorry, there's a red carpet there.

[296] There's a step and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat.

[297] Karen, that was funny.

[298] I think I'm, there must be a residual high.

[299] There simply must be.

[300] Oh, you're just outed, Vince so hard.

[301] Oh, sorry.

[302] Someone got high in this house.

[303] Edit.

[304] It wasn't us.

[305] It wasn't us.

[306] It literally wasn't us.

[307] But we sure are enjoying the worst jokes of all time right now.

[308] Is there an awards ceremony coming up that we can enjoy together?

[309] We missed the Tonys yesterday.

[310] I can't watch those.

[311] Why would do you?

[312] Honestly, when I watch people singing at that caliber and I'm not being sarcastic, it makes me immediately start crying.

[313] Immediately.

[314] And then I can't like wipe.

[315] It's just a weird reaction where I like kind of wish that was me. beauty of it.

[316] It's an amazing ability that very, very, very few people can do.

[317] And it's not, people think it's like, oh, American Idol.

[318] You sing?

[319] No, no, no, no. But that's like, that kind of singing and the way those people, like the level of performance that those people are able to give, that's like borderline opera singing.

[320] Like, did you see Jennifer Hudson singing Purple Rain with the cast of the color Purple when Prince died?

[321] No. Watch the video.

[322] It's somebody took it like from the back of the room.

[323] It's that kind of thing where you're like, this is this is, I feel that way when I see you sing.

[324] Stop it.

[325] Because I can't, you just don't even want to know what my voice sounds.

[326] It's like, it's like, it's like a cat screaming and vocal fry at the same time.

[327] It's so bad.

[328] And you have this like cute riot girl voice and I'm like, why can't, why can't?

[329] Why did I do math instead of learn to sing when I was 13?

[330] I mean, that's my opera.

[331] There couldn't be a bigger compliment.

[332] I mean.

[333] This is a murder podcast, by the way.

[334] This is off topic.

[335] Is it?

[336] But also, you know what?

[337] This happened to me the other day at work.

[338] Someone goes, oh, my God, you have to see this.

[339] Did you see Jenna DeWan Tatum on the lip sync show?

[340] She did Channing Tatum's routine from Magic.

[341] Mike, like, as her lip -sync.

[342] I hear it's amazing.

[343] I watch two things, and I was like, oh, I get why this is a hit.

[344] Did you see, what's his cute name doing Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation?

[345] No. What's his adorable name?

[346] Something, something, something.

[347] George and Gordon -Levett?

[348] Matt McCarthy.

[349] Yes.

[350] It is?

[351] Yes.

[352] I guess right?

[353] Yes.

[354] Matt McCarthy has a joke of the one you just sings, Joseph Gordon -Levett.

[355] It's him doing Rhythm Nation as Janet Jackson.

[356] Oh, my, I have to watch that.

[357] gorgeous.

[358] Jenna DeWan Tatum did her husband's routine from Magic Mike.

[359] We are standing in the writer's room.

[360] I'm standing behind, you know, like, it's not like anyone's facing me. We're all facing the screen.

[361] Yeah.

[362] And I started crying because it was such awesome dancing.

[363] Oh, the dancing is the best.

[364] It's so amazing.

[365] And she did and also they kept cutting to Channing Tatum who didn't know that's what she was going to do.

[366] And he was freaking out.

[367] He was like dying.

[368] And then she pulled him into the routine.

[369] But like the acrobatics and the accuracy and she is such a good dancer and she has like an eight pack like her stomach is not so it was just it was like so superior and I just literally was just kept wiping and thank God no one noticed but I was fully crying.

[370] What if your body could do those things?

[371] I mean I still think mine can and I can barely touch the floor when I bend up I make the loudest groaning sound when I get off the couch every time but I watch that and go I could just give me a We could do that.

[372] We should do a dance routine at the LA Podfest.

[373] What if we did Michael Jackson's thriller?

[374] Oh, my God.

[375] Because it's about that.

[376] You're watching me right now.

[377] We could totally do it.

[378] Guys, you have to be there.

[379] September, do you know what day it is?

[380] 11th?

[381] No, I don't know.

[382] September 11th.

[383] I hope you guys don't forget.

[384] We'll be there.

[385] I once did a show.

[386] Actually, Matt McCarthy's wife, Glynis McCarthy, has this amazing show.

[387] that where you do this like it's called dream role and you do this you get to perform whatever role you've always wanted to perform and so I wanted to do dirty dancing to Jennifer, Jennifer Gray, the last dance taught it to myself and did it alone on the stage.

[388] I love it.

[389] Did people go bat -shit bananas?

[390] No, they laughed at me. It was fun.

[391] Well, I mean, but that's part of it, right?

[392] Yeah, but I really put my all into it.

[393] So wait, but you were Jennifer Gray but by yourself?

[394] Yep, dancing with Patrick's Wazy who wasn't there.

[395] that's awesome it's on my Instagram somewhere LA Podfest is September 23rd 24th 25th we have had people ask us what day yeah but we haven't been told what day we should do every day probably yeah I don't know how it actually works yeah I don't either but I think if you go onto the website which is LA Podfest they're on event like the tickets are on event bright but if you put in LA Podfest 2016 you can get all the information and hopefully the schedule is up or will be up soon.

[396] Come watch our choreographed dance.

[397] Come watch, I will be dressed like a werewolf and Georgia will be dressed like that girl that he goes to the movies with.

[398] I'm scared.

[399] I'm scared.

[400] I'm scared.

[401] I'm running away from you the whole day.

[402] We should both wear the yellow eyes.

[403] Yeah.

[404] We should both be Michael Jackson probably.

[405] Let's do double Michael Jackson because that's probably what he wanted.

[406] I'm sure that's what he wanted.

[407] I mean, we could also do the way you make me feel, which is where he just follows that girl down the alley.

[408] Oh, yeah, and sings at her.

[409] And she's like, I don't even care that you're about to rate me. And just like she should be pepper spraying him.

[410] Yeah.

[411] And there's like a car on fire.

[412] Right.

[413] And it couldn't be more dangerous.

[414] And then he's like, I'm, I think you're great.

[415] I'm going to sing in your ear down this alley.

[416] Yeah, I'm great.

[417] Leave me on.

[418] You're going to have to come to L .A. Podfest to see what dance we do.

[419] Yeah, we'll reveal it at the Podfest only.

[420] Ticket holders.

[421] Oh, my God.

[422] Hey, this is exciting.

[423] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[424] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives.

[425] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[426] Who killed Saz?

[427] And were they really after Charles?

[428] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[429] This season, murder hits close to home.

[430] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[431] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[432] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[433] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll.

[434] Roll.

[435] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Davey, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[436] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[437] Bye.

[438] Goodbye.

[439] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[440] Absolutely.

[441] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[442] Exactly.

[443] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[444] But did you know that?

[445] they also power in -person sales?

[446] That's right.

[447] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in -store, on social media, and beyond.

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[459] Goodbye.

[460] What other housekeeping?

[461] Any housekeeping?

[462] This is my favorite murder.

[463] Oh, oh.

[464] That's it.

[465] I think you're first this week.

[466] I am first.

[467] Skippers, it's time to cut back in.

[468] Hey, ready?

[469] And stop skipping now.

[470] Now.

[471] All right.

[472] So two things made me want to do this murder, my favorite murder this week.

[473] One of which was I finished an audio book called We Need to Talk About Kevin.

[474] Oh.

[475] Which was a book about, it was a book written.

[476] fictional book written by the mother of a kid who had done a school shooting.

[477] And it was the letter to, all the letters were to the father.

[478] And it was like how they raise this kid and what happened and why he became, who he became.

[479] And it was a really good book.

[480] And I just finished that.

[481] And then on Sunday morning, the fucking Orlando shootings happened.

[482] And it was, it's horrific and awful and disgusting.

[483] And so I kind of had, was, it was a little.

[484] looking at the Facebook page and found this information that I had never known about before that I wanted to talk about, the Cleveland Elementary School shooting.

[485] Uh -oh.

[486] Do you know this one?

[487] No. Okay.

[488] It took place on January 29th, 1979 in San Diego, California.

[489] Shots were fired at a public elementary school, and the person who was doing the shooting lived in a house across the street from.

[490] the school, and her name was Brenda Spencer.

[491] She was 16 years old.

[492] Holy shit, Brenda.

[493] There is the fucking.

[494] Wait, can I ask a question?

[495] Is this I don't like Monday?

[496] I don't like Monday?

[497] I'm sorry.

[498] Fumtown Rants, yes.

[499] Is that, sorry.

[500] It's okay.

[501] I was just so proud.

[502] It's my favorite.

[503] But I don't know the story.

[504] I only know that a girl did it and a girl said it.

[505] Okay.

[506] So Brenda Spencer, she lived in a house across the street in the school, and she would become known as the mother of.

[507] of schoolyard massacres such as Columbine and she was like the first school shooter.

[508] So on the morning of January 29th, 1979, she began shooting from her home at children who were waiting outside Cleveland Elementary School, which was across the room her house.

[509] The first person that she killed was the principal, Burton Rag, and he was opening the gates to the school, 53 years old, ran outside to help the victims and helped get rid of the children and then move them inside and he got, uh, he got shot in the chest.

[510] And then Michael, uh, shoe, I want to say shoot, shoot, shooch, shooch, shooch, or shooter, shoocher.

[511] The 56, he was a school custodian, rushed out to help the dying principal and he was shot.

[512] So those were the two fatalities, but, uh, eight children were injured.

[513] So then the San Diego police officer, Robert Rob was the first drive at the scene and he got a bullet in his neck.

[514] And I've heard conflicting, I've read conflicting stories that he, someone moved, commandeered a garbage truck and drove it in front of the school because they could tell where the sniper was.

[515] And I heard it was this officer who got shot in the neck, but others are saying he just arrived and got shot in the neck.

[516] So I'm not sure, but I don't want to not give him credit if that's the case.

[517] That's so smart.

[518] Yeah, right?

[519] Yeah.

[520] Like what a quick action to take that you just want.

[521] block the shooter.

[522] Yeah, I would have never thought of that.

[523] And putting yourself in harm's way like that.

[524] Yeah, that's amazing.

[525] Who ever thought of it.

[526] Yeah.

[527] High five.

[528] How pissed off was she when that happened?

[529] Yeah.

[530] It's like the best move.

[531] Yeah.

[532] So after firing 30 rounds of ammunition, Spencer barricaded herself inside her home for, like, it was like six hours.

[533] So then on a hunch, a reporter from the local paper called the phone number that was associated with the address.

[534] And a young girl answered.

[535] It was Barbara.

[536] The reporter asked if she knew where the shots were coming from.

[537] And she said her address.

[538] And the reporter pointed that out.

[539] She said, yeah, who do you think is doing the shooting?

[540] And the next question was why.

[541] And she said, I don't like Mondays.

[542] This livens up the day.

[543] Oh, I weirdly have chills right now.

[544] chills um because also sorry but 16 is it's such a rough age anyway and that answer is so sad it's it's someone that gave up like someone like yeah doesn't understand this the levity of what they're doing is that the right word it's the opposite but i understand me gravity of what you're gravity of what they're doing that would have sounds so much better if i had gotten that word right not sounding good.

[545] My favorite murder.

[546] She spoke with police negotiators who were telling them that she had shot the, telling those she had, they had made easy targets and that's why she'd shot them, which is so fucking creepy.

[547] And she was going to come out shooting, but ultimately she surrendered.

[548] And the police found beer and whiskey bottles around the house, but she didn't appear to be intoxicated.

[549] Oh, so this is probably not the greatest home life, perhaps.

[550] Right.

[551] Well, 14 years into her sentence, she gave his TV interview, which she said that she was high on whiskey, angel, dust, and pot.

[552] What?

[553] Hold on.

[554] That's not, that combination is insane.

[555] But here's the thing is that at the time of her arrest, her toxicology reports came back clean.

[556] So is she lying?

[557] Either she's lying or the toxicology reports were incorrect.

[558] And keep in mind, she's saying these things at a parole hearing.

[559] So it wouldn't get her anything to lie.

[560] No, it would.

[561] It would get her out.

[562] I mean, you would think that if she was.

[563] Oh, like that's her excuse.

[564] Okay.

[565] But however, but there were those bottles around the house because her dad was like a fucking alcoholic.

[566] But sorry, it's just so crazy to, I just think, sure, you drink whiskey and then you smoke pot.

[567] Angel dust is like what in.

[568] insane bikers do.

[569] In San Diego.

[570] That was like a suburb back then, right?

[571] Yeah.

[572] I mean, it's like a chill beach town.

[573] And like, I was talking about like, has anyone ever offered you peyote?

[574] No. And they ever offered you ever offered you angel dust?

[575] No. Like we could, you could barely get pot when I was growing up.

[576] That was like, you were so excited when someone's cousin came back from Hawaii or whatever.

[577] And it was almost like there was this probably, remember Dare was that?

[578] Did you have that then?

[579] So The dare was, what was it?

[580] Dare to keep your kids off drugs, drug addicts, really engaged.

[581] I know mothers against drug driving.

[582] Basically in the 80s and early 90s, there was this like program to keep kids off drugs called dare.

[583] I'm on drugs.

[584] It really feels like.

[585] And I was in that.

[586] I was like in the perfect, you know, in the epicenter of that, thanks Nancy Ray.

[587] where you had to pledge, right, that you wouldn't do drugs.

[588] Yeah.

[589] And at the time I was like, when I was like in sixth grade, I was like, well, I'm never going to do angel dust, but I kind of want to try pot, you know, but like I thought that would lead to angel dust.

[590] And when I found out like that my parents smoked pot and that like people I knew smoked pot, it was like, oh, everything was a lie.

[591] So I'm just going to do everything.

[592] You know.

[593] Wow.

[594] Just say something.

[595] Like, no one gets angel dust, is my point.

[596] It's a crazy, unless her father was some kind of like dealer or a biker or like somebody that kind of lived in that fringe life.

[597] But when you do angel dust, you go insane and you have superhuman strength.

[598] And it sounds like something she would have made up because she didn't know.

[599] Yes.

[600] You know what I mean?

[601] It sounds like a very faky, dumb competition.

[602] Yeah, like saying cocaine would have made more sense, but she probably didn't even like no to say that.

[603] Although, if we refer back to the classic film Friday, there is that part where Chris Tucker's pot is laced with Angel Dust and he ends up in the pigeon coop.

[604] Remember?

[605] He's like freaking out.

[606] I mean, it happens, like, but, but I also don't think you'd be able to shoot a gun very accurately if you were on Angel Dust.

[607] Also, why would someone put Angel Dust in pot?

[608] Like, you're just spending more money.

[609] Because they're trying to ruin your Rolling Stones concert.

[610] Oh.

[611] Sure.

[612] I don't know.

[613] Kitten is going crazy.

[614] Okay.

[615] Blah, blah, blah.

[616] Okay.

[617] So her parents had separated before this happened, and she lived with her father, Wallace Spencer, in virtual poverty.

[618] And they slept on a single mattress in the living room floor.

[619] Together.

[620] Yeah.

[621] Acquaintances later said that Spencer, that she expressed negative attitudes towards police.

[622] And I talked about shooting one.

[623] Teachers described her as introverted.

[624] And she started hanging out.

[625] with other troubled youth and became obsessed with Alice Cooper, which like, yeah, which actually he's like a crazy intellectual.

[626] It's like so hard to think about people like using him as an excuse and he's like an incredible intellectual.

[627] And also, isn't he super into golf?

[628] Like when he doesn't have makeup on?

[629] Yeah.

[630] He's just like kind of an old dude with too long hair.

[631] And that was like performance art too.

[632] Like he wasn't even serious about it.

[633] Yeah, but I don't, when people try to say that, it's like too bad.

[634] You're making the money off of people.

[635] taking it seriously so you have to take it seriously because it's a i've seen alice cooper like i grew up with alice cooper being on tv with blood in the corner of his mouth everyone took it seriously there's nothing performance art about it it's not like you're in a black box theater yeah you can be like just kidding afterwards yeah okay um i'm really mad at alice cooper i can tell is that your father i hate you dad i hate you i will go to the dance all right so in december which is the month the shooting happened, a psychiatric evaluation was recommended for her, and they said that she should go to a mental hospital due to her depressed state.

[636] But her father refused to give permission.

[637] No one to go to rehab.

[638] I said, no, no. Dad says it's fine.

[639] Everything's fine.

[640] In three months, I'm dead.

[641] So is everybody else.

[642] I love that song.

[643] But so, yeah, I do too.

[644] For Christmas.

[645] So he said no. He wouldn't let her go to rehab.

[646] And then for Christmas, he gave her a Ruger, a 1022 semi -automatic 22 caliber rifle.

[647] Sorry for everyone who fucking knows about guns.

[648] And I just butchered that.

[649] Wallace.

[650] Telescope, sight, and 500 rounds of ammunition.

[651] No. She had asked for a radio.

[652] Her father gave her that gun.

[653] She asked for a radio for her birthday and her dad.

[654] who had just been told that she should go to psychiatric care.

[655] A mental hospital.

[656] Because she was depressed.

[657] Give her a gun.

[658] Well, he's a real piece of work.

[659] I mean, some people shouldn't have children, it turns out.

[660] Fuck.

[661] That's heavy.

[662] And she said later that I felt like he wanted me to kill myself, she said.

[663] Also, 500 rounds?

[664] Yeah, that's a lot of the rounds.

[665] Yeah.

[666] In 2001 later, she accused her father of having drunkenly subjected her to beatings and sexual abuse.

[667] but he said the allegations were not true.

[668] I don't feel good about a single mattress on the floor in the living room.

[669] Absolutely not.

[670] She was tried in as adult.

[671] She finally came out, put her gun down, came out.

[672] She was tried it as an adult, pled guilty to two counts of murder, an assault with a deadly weapon, sentenced to prison for 25 years to life.

[673] And then in prison, she was diagnosed as an epileptic.

[674] Oh, I have that.

[675] I know.

[676] Uh -oh.

[677] Oh, wait, and then, and then, and she received medication while at California Institute for Women in Chino.

[678] California, that's her neighborhood, right?

[679] No. No. Great.

[680] But then later, here's the fucking kicker during tests while she was in custody, it was discovered that she had an injury to the temporal lobe of her brain attributed to her accident on her bicycle.

[681] Fucking.

[682] Childhood had injury.

[683] Dude, send them back, like we said.

[684] I said him on back.

[685] If your kid hits his head.

[686] Oh, you know what?

[687] I just had a realization that all of the helmet bullshit that for years I'm in like, this is dumb and these helicopter parents are crazy.

[688] What if they've just wiped out an entire generation of serial killers by making sure children have helmets on all the time?

[689] Definitely.

[690] Dude.

[691] I bet you're right.

[692] That's heavy.

[693] I mean, some will slip through just because it was meant to be.

[694] Some don't even need a injury.

[695] They're just like shit to begin with.

[696] Hell bent.

[697] Their parents make it sure that they're fucking just terrible.

[698] That is a crazy fucking story.

[699] That injury, just like so many serial killers out there.

[700] Yeah.

[701] Fuck.

[702] Yeah.

[703] All right.

[704] At a hearing in 2001, she said that her father beat and sexually abused her.

[705] And she submitted a written statement in which she said that her father had began fondling her when she was nine and sexually assaulted her virtually every night.

[706] Oh.

[707] Which is like, why?

[708] Why, you know, why didn't you come out with that earlier?

[709] I don't want to doubt her, but it's like, that's a hard thing to talk about when you really did these horrible things.

[710] Also, she could have just maybe dissociated so that it was this, she's in this world now where she's killing people.

[711] It's like everything is a cry for help.

[712] And maybe she was on Angel Dust.

[713] And maybe she didn't understand the connection between her father sexually abusing her and her wanting to die.

[714] And so killing people.

[715] The rage that she felt.

[716] I didn't mean to victim blame.

[717] and I totally No, no, no, no, we're just talking about theories.

[718] And here's how you, here's, so the father never admitted to any of this, but, but he was visiting her in a juvenile detention facility after her arrest, and he met a girl who resembled Brenda, but was younger, they went on to have a sexual relationship and he married her.

[719] Ew.

[720] So clearly he has a fetish for her.

[721] fucking underage girls.

[722] He doesn't not like it.

[723] Like his daughter.

[724] Yeah.

[725] He's not against it.

[726] Nope.

[727] That's like enough proof, I feel like.

[728] Hell yeah.

[729] That it's true.

[730] Oh, that's insanely dark.

[731] In 2009, the parole board ruled that she would be denied parole and wouldn't be considered for 10 years.

[732] So she'll be eligible again in 2019.

[733] Okay.

[734] But in a 2001 statement, she acknowledged her possible role as the inspiration for later generations of angry kids saying, she said, quote, with every school shooting, I feel I'm partially responsible.

[735] What if they got the idea from what I did?

[736] And of course, finally, the song, I Don't Like Mondays, written by Bob Geldof for his band, Boomtown Rats, was released later that year based on that song.

[737] And I just want to go ahead and say that this is, everyone listening, this is our new karaoke song.

[738] I don't like Mondays.

[739] That song, I remember in high school, finding out that that was about a school, a girl that did a school shooting, and it was just like the most fascinating thing to me. It changes that song completely.

[740] I just assumed it was British, though, since Boomtown Rats and that guy, or he's Irish.

[741] He's not from here.

[742] Is he?

[743] He is not from here.

[744] But, yeah, I just assumed it all happened in the UK.

[745] Yeah.

[746] Safely say that.

[747] Yeah, no. But they were playing at the time in San Diego, I think.

[748] When her trial was going on, they were playing in San Diego.

[749] Oh, wow.

[750] So they kept seeing headlines of her being the, I don't like Monday's girl.

[751] See, that super bums me out because, and maybe this is just a bias because it's a female shooter.

[752] It's like a 16 -year -old girl where I just so understand the mindset no matter what.

[753] But then fact after fact on top of that is like, that girl did not have a chance.

[754] No. She didn't have a chance.

[755] No, she was going, I mean, it's, and again, one of those things of like, don't kill people, just kill yourself.

[756] That's what we hope for.

[757] But she, I wish she had had, you know, clearly some people cared about her that they took her to a psychiatrist and that they put her in like a school for, or they put her in with counselors who were there for troubled youth.

[758] They tried.

[759] Yeah.

[760] And her fucking shitty parents just wouldn't let her have that.

[761] What if he had said okay and she'd gone to this mental institution?

[762] I know.

[763] She would have been fine.

[764] Also, it's so, I just would like to remind us all of the garbage truck part because I really like that part.

[765] What a bad at.

[766] Hell yeah.

[767] They probably saved so many lives that day.

[768] Seriously.

[769] And just kind of like blocking off the whole thing of like, no, you're not doing this anymore.

[770] Like that's so badass.

[771] It's brave and fucking.

[772] It's just quick thinking and like sharp problem solving.

[773] Totally.

[774] I like it.

[775] Wow, that's heavy.

[776] Yeah, that's fucked up, right?

[777] So that's the Cleveland Elementary School shooting.

[778] What's her name again?

[779] Brenda Spencer.

[780] Brenda Spencer.

[781] Honey.

[782] And if you look at photos of her, she's like, this kind of, like, cute little squirrely nerd.

[783] She's like a nerdy nerd.

[784] Ugh.

[785] Oh, yeah.

[786] Well, I took it back because of, I kind of wanted to do this anyway.

[787] way because when we talk about things, it's so funny that we fully do this podcast, love it, enjoy it, and yet bum ourselves out every week after we talk about our topics.

[788] So I was like, how about a little distance and we go back in history a little bit?

[789] And we don't have to be so present day and so I have to feel it so much.

[790] So I went all the way back to 1885.

[791] So I have no feelings about that.

[792] Who gets a fun?

[793] No, I can go shit.

[794] Weird outfits and like high neck dresses and shit.

[795] racism, all kinds of isms.

[796] The nurse, the deadly nurse, Jane Topin is my person.

[797] You may have heard of her.

[798] She, it's okay to laugh at this because it's from the 1850.

[799] That's right.

[800] Anything before 1900, you can laugh and laugh.

[801] She was an Irish immigrant whose mother died of tuberculosis when she was very young and whose father, A. Taylor, was a well -known alcoholic and eccentric, who some say after her mother's death, tried to sew his eyelids shut because he was so insane with grief and alcoholism.

[802] What does that have to do with anything?

[803] I mean, it's just like this is, it's just painting the picture of where we're even starting with this girl who's a child when this happens.

[804] That is, some articles say it happened.

[805] Some say it was a rumor and it was just basically everyone knew this dad was a nut.

[806] That's how fucking crazy everything.

[807] He was super crazy.

[808] Yeah, it speaks more just to him and his reputation.

[809] The crazy tailor up the street.

[810] So a few years later, that dad drops off, her name at the time was Honor Kelly and she's six years old.

[811] and her sister is eight.

[812] And the dad drops them off at the Boston Female Asylum, which is a girl's orphanage.

[813] Documents from the asylum note that the two girls were, quote, rescued from a very miserable home.

[814] Oh, no. So, yeah.

[815] So even if he wasn't crazy enough to do something as totally saw the saw movie series, as so his own eyelids together, it was bad news.

[816] So after two years at that orphanage, Anora Kelly, if I'm saying her name right, was placed as an indentured servant in the home of Mrs. Anne C. Toppin of Lowell, Massachusetts.

[817] So she was like eight of this or ten.

[818] Eight years old.

[819] Eight years old.

[820] Can you have to know a little servant?

[821] An eight -year -old indentured servant.

[822] Maybe like, can you go get me my fucking run my bath, eight -year -old?

[823] Or, like, probably scrub the dishes and, like, lift shit.

[824] I mean, like, they didn't care.

[825] This was 1885.

[826] Oh, that's so sick.

[827] They didn't give a fuck.

[828] Yeah, kids were just like little humans.

[829] Yeah, this is when they were like, get them in the factory because their little arms can go into the machines.

[830] It was dark.

[831] This is also why I love Charles Dickens because all of his stories include all that like child labor shit from roughly around this time.

[832] Yeah, where it was like, we wouldn't know if it weren't for like those stories or be like the last thing that would ever happen to most children these days, at least in America.

[833] Right.

[834] Right.

[835] One of hope.

[836] Yeah.

[837] Kind of.

[838] Anyway.

[839] So Anora was never officially adopted by the Toppins, but she took their surname and eventually became known as Jane Topin.

[840] Which is so weird that you're like, I'm not part of the family.

[841] I'm just your fucking servant, so I'm taking your last name.

[842] Yeah.

[843] I'm your lifelong child servant living in your house.

[844] So in 1885, she began training to be a nurse at Cambridge Hospital.

[845] So during her residency, she used her patients as guinea pigs in experiments with morphine and atrophine.

[846] So she would basically go into patients who are like on a morphine drip, and she would give them atrophine, which I'm pretty sure is like an up.

[847] Oh.

[848] So she would play back and forth with sending them out and bringing them back over and over.

[849] Oh, my God, just let them go to sleep.

[850] Yeah, no, she, because she basically got sexual, she got aroused sexually from seeing people be brought to the brink of death and then come back and then go back.

[851] What the fuck does that have to do with sex?

[852] Well, so I think this might be shedding a light on some fucked up shit that happened to her.

[853] beforehand somewhere in the past if there's a book about her I will read it because some shit happened so she would do that to these patients and then get she because she can't you know like wanted to see like how it affected them but also would get into bed with them and hold them as it was happening she told police after her arrest that she got a sexual thrill from being near patients when they were being next to patients when they were near death coming back to life and then dying again.

[854] So she, this is by her own admission that this got her off.

[855] Okay.

[856] Which is, you know, everybody's into something.

[857] Aren't they though?

[858] So she would get, she would administer the drug and then she'd get into bed with them and hold them close to her as they die.

[859] What?

[860] Uh -huh.

[861] Uh -huh.

[862] Uh -huh.

[863] And then, this article says that this is rare for female serial killers they usually kill for material reasons sexist bullshit or that the on average it's not sexual satisfaction that's that's man's domain which you know and so in a way I'm proud of Jane because she broke that glass ceiling and did and she got hers sorry that's wrong So she didn't get caught, I guess, because she was recommended for Massachusetts General Hospital in 1889, which this article says is prestigious.

[864] And there she killed a couple more people.

[865] And so she was actually killing people?

[866] Like, because it sounds like she was bringing them back, but certain people she wasn't bringing them back.

[867] She did.

[868] She would bring them back a couple times, but ultimately let them die.

[869] And that's when that's what got her off.

[870] Oh, okay.

[871] So it was like she would play with it.

[872] And it would be like, you know.

[873] Crazy.

[874] But I guess didn't get caught and kind of was able to cover it up.

[875] I read a thing about how she kind of messed with the charts.

[876] So everything was, you know, it was back then.

[877] It was just like, yeah, people die, whatever.

[878] And I think no one would, no one would suspect a woman.

[879] No one would suspect a nurse.

[880] Sure.

[881] You know.

[882] So she goes to Mass General and then kills more people and then gets fired.

[883] So probably like someone was sharp and on it and a little bit like, too many people have died under your watch.

[884] So then she went back to Cambridge, but she got dismissed for prescribing opiates recklessly, which is like, how is a nurse prescribing anything?

[885] But I guess that's how they did it back then.

[886] She sounds fun.

[887] She sounds like she parties, and she forces other people to party.

[888] Sure.

[889] To their death.

[890] Just like a fraternity.

[891] So then she, of course, what's her natural next step?

[892] if she gets fired as a nurse at a hospital?

[893] Private nursing is exactly right, Georgia.

[894] That's right, girl.

[895] Mine of the killer right here.

[896] That's right.

[897] So she flourished as a private nurse despite complaints of petty thefts.

[898] So Jane couldn't handle her shit.

[899] She had her hands everywhere.

[900] But she's a good nurse.

[901] But you know what?

[902] She gives me a bath real good.

[903] So then as a private, nurse, that's when she really starts her poisoning spree.

[904] In 1895, she killed her landlords, which is a great, I mean, fair solution.

[905] We've all been there.

[906] In 1890, she killed her foster sister Elizabeth with strychnine, which is, I think, a very painful way to go.

[907] It's no morphine atrophine ride.

[908] It's no 90 -night.

[909] It's no 99, good morning.

[910] In 1901, she moved in with the Davis family because the elderly patriarch was Alden, Davis.

[911] And his wife had died, and so she was there to take care of him in his old age.

[912] Well, it turns out she killed his wife.

[913] That's why she got the job.

[914] Holy shit.

[915] Uh -huh.

[916] So within weeks, she had killed the patriarch of the family, Alden Davis, and two of his daughters.

[917] Within weeks.

[918] Honey, you're being so obvious.

[919] Honey, pace yourself.

[920] Dude, paste yourself.

[921] This is a marathon, not a sprint.

[922] Like one per family is what you get.

[923] I mean, you do know people catch on to, like, mass murdering and entire family.

[924] Yeah.

[925] So after that happened, she moved back to her home.

[926] town and began courting her late foster sister Elizabeth's husband.

[927] So she's like took...

[928] I thought you said hoarding.

[929] She was hoarding into herself.

[930] She was hoarding and it was all over the house.

[931] So...

[932] That's shitty.

[933] She then kills his sister and then poisons him so she could earn his love by nursing him back to health.

[934] For fuck's sake.

[935] And then she, when that didn't work, she poisoned herself out of, to try to garner his sympathy.

[936] Actually, that's kind of smart.

[937] But it didn't work.

[938] Okay.

[939] And so he cast her out of the house, which is something people did in the late 1800s.

[940] She was cast out.

[941] Even though she was sick.

[942] Well, she got over it.

[943] Yeah.

[944] Because she probably gave herself the tiniest little bit of stric -niner.

[945] Snicky snack of strict -noughts.

[946] just put a little bit on top of her biscuit so the rest of the davises who hadn't been terribly murdered in that house ordered a toxicology exam on the youngest daughter that she that had died and they found that she had been poisoned and so they put a police detail on good old jane toppin and on october 261901 she was arrested for murder and by 1902 she confirmed to 31 murders.

[947] Holy shit.

[948] Yeah, girl.

[949] And she's quoted, this is one of the reasons that I picked this story.

[950] And it just made me laugh.

[951] It kind of makes me like her.

[952] There's something about this that I'm being a little ridiculous.

[953] Because the victim's family, it's like three generations later.

[954] So it's like.

[955] Right.

[956] There's no guilt.

[957] No. Angry letter from a Davis.

[958] Yeah.

[959] How dare you?

[960] so she was quoted she told the cops that her ambition was to quote to have killed more people helpless people than any other man or woman who ever lived it's what she wanted and she tried her best did she know like does she have a reason why did she think she was helping hopeless people I think there's some angel of death nurse types that do think they're helping or like the doctor that I did Peter Robert Pinkerton Pinker Woodward Richard Richard word Richard word Pink Richard word That guy I think Was trying to convince himself It was like If they're a little bit older Take him out before they suffer Yeah But he was getting like Early 70 year olds Yeah No he I mean I guess I was saying He was probably rationalizing it to himself A little bit But that couldn't have been the real reason But this one No. She, I think she just got, literally got off on helpless people and killing people and taking advantage of helpless people, which is the creepiest.

[961] Damn, dude.

[962] I bet like, there's got to be something like by the time you're six and you've lived in this fucking depraved, fucked up household world and then you moved to a fucking school for girls in Boston.

[963] So it's, you know, probably real fucked up.

[964] Yeah.

[965] You just don't have any empathy anymore.

[966] I mean, hit yourself in the head of the swing at that point because you're done dee yep um her sister her older sister stayed in the in that orphanage like a couple years longer than her and then basically eventually became a prostitute and died of alcoholism in the gutter so she got the better of the two lives she really she went out and she made a life for herself but i feel like yeah those those the kelly family of the of the taylor the famous crazy Taylor Kelly, they didn't have much of a chance.

[967] There was dark, Angel's Ashes -style darkness.

[968] Don't date anyone ever.

[969] Don't invite anyone into your home.

[970] Easy for you to say you're married.

[971] He could be a fucking serial killer for all I know.

[972] What if he was?

[973] He's not.

[974] He's totally not.

[975] He's not.

[976] And if he is, what a great episode that'll be.

[977] I've had a great run.

[978] You've had a great life.

[979] He gave me everything.

[980] You've had some great night gowns.

[981] Up until the point, that he murdered you, he has been so good to you.

[982] If he murders me without me knowing that it's him that murdered me, then I die happy.

[983] Oh my God, you'll just go out in your sleep?

[984] Yeah.

[985] Like an axe in the back of your head.

[986] Sure.

[987] Listen, on June 23rd, 1902, no, no, no. This is the end of it.

[988] She was found not guilty by reason of insanity.

[989] Whoa.

[990] At the Barnes Stable County Courthouse, but she was committed for life in Taunton insane hospital.

[991] And then she died August 17th, 1938.

[992] So she lived in the mental hospital for quite some time.

[993] What would you give to go fucking have a chit chat with her?

[994] Just be like, listen, Jane.

[995] Hi, I know that's not your real name.

[996] Jane.

[997] She's like, here, you want a sneaky snack?

[998] No, thanks.

[999] No, I brought my own in the zip lock bag.

[1000] Just want to know, what happened?

[1001] Did your dad sewage with leather shoelaces?

[1002] I'm adding that part because it's so disgusting.

[1003] He was a tailor, so I bet they were clean stitches.

[1004] I bet he did it real quick, and it was only like 12 bucks.

[1005] Which is 24 bucks in today's standards.

[1006] In the post -intern of the century.

[1007] What was her name?

[1008] Her name's Jane Toppin.

[1009] And I'm sure there's much more, there's much more to know about her.

[1010] I really do want to read like a full -on book.

[1011] I'm sorry I can't give you all of the.

[1012] No, that's a good sum.

[1013] I feel like there's lots more information to be.

[1014] had.

[1015] I just don't have it.

[1016] How pissed are the top -ins that she moved in with her?

[1017] Like, we've got to change our fucking name now because this is our legacy.

[1018] Well, also, yeah, you know what?

[1019] Too bad, then maybe don't hire eight -year -old indentured servants, you dicks.

[1020] Actually, yeah, you're right.

[1021] You deserve all of it and more.

[1022] You deserve your bad name.

[1023] Also, what if something happened to her in that, like, that's where it kicked off.

[1024] Like, she was like, everything's terrible.

[1025] Everything's terrible.

[1026] Okay, now I'm in this orphanage.

[1027] Okay, well, at least I have this job as an eight -year -old.

[1028] And then things really kick off at the top and top.

[1029] It's like rape city.

[1030] Or, yeah, or like dark, I mean, what?

[1031] Who hires an eight -year -old indentured servant?

[1032] Yeah.

[1033] You creep, you old rich creeps.

[1034] Yeah.

[1035] God damn it.

[1036] Yeah.

[1037] Everything is fucked.

[1038] I don't know.

[1039] I see the, I don't know.

[1040] You see the positive?

[1041] I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[1042] I guess you probably live longer than anyone else did.

[1043] I also think of, like, what if you're laying in the hospital and you're like, you feel terrible and then you're like oh yeah morphine drip yeah and then you're like whoa now I'm on speed and you're like this hot nurse let's pretend she's hot this hot nurse is laying next to me fuck yeah she actually isn't bad looking there's a really great picture of her in Wikipedia and she's actually attractive looking but there is she got the kind of like she got the eyes where you're like oh you don't want to be in the bathroom with her at the same time she's one of those people that you know she'd immediately start talking to you real close crazy eyes can I buy your mascara?

[1044] No No, no, you can't.

[1045] Three steps back, Jane.

[1046] Yeah, we're not doing this.

[1047] We're not best friends immediately.

[1048] No. And that's not sanitary.

[1049] That's crazy.

[1050] That's a good one.

[1051] I like old ones.

[1052] I do too.

[1053] Sometimes it's a nice break.

[1054] Yeah, we should do a couple.

[1055] We should throw them in there because it's been real depressing lately.

[1056] I know.

[1057] Let's do, you know what?

[1058] Do you want to do next week a theme of like really, really old ones?

[1059] Like weirdly from the 1500?

[1060] or something.

[1061] Oh, like oldy times?

[1062] Yeah.

[1063] Like weird, old, like, did you ever see in the name of the rose with Sean Connery?

[1064] No. It's a real good movie about, it's Sean Connery and Christian Slater, actually.

[1065] What?

[1066] Those two people don't belong together.

[1067] I know.

[1068] It works.

[1069] They're monks, and they go to this creepy, I mean, I don't even know.

[1070] It could be a much earlier year.

[1071] I don't know anything.

[1072] It's like the dark ages.

[1073] And they go to this monastery or where priests are.

[1074] Is it a monoph?

[1075] story?

[1076] That's, that's nuns.

[1077] They go to where our priests live because these priests keep dying in weird ways and they have to investigate.

[1078] Sean Connery, I think it's during the Spanish Inquisition, whenever that was.

[1079] I love all that shit.

[1080] Me too.

[1081] And the first time I saw it, I was in high school, but I was like, this is fucking fascinating because it was like, it was back when, like, murder was a little bit normal.

[1082] Yeah.

[1083] And you didn't live very long, so it wasn't like, you took a ton out of their lives.

[1084] Right.

[1085] But there's always been serial killers.

[1086] Yeah, let's do, let's do, let's say the 1500s and then do anything around there.

[1087] Like between 13 and 17.

[1088] Let's say the 1500s, then get within a 700 year mark of that.

[1089] That sounds good.

[1090] It's all the same.

[1091] It really is.

[1092] Like, when is time?

[1093] At the end of the day.

[1094] Should we do Matt Dwyer's hometown murder right back?

[1095] Yes.

[1096] Our friend Matt Dwyer, who we, George and I, on one of our first excursions as friends, went to this guy, Matt Dwyer, who is a hilarious stand -up comic, improviser performer from Chicago.

[1097] We went to his album recording at, what's the name of that bar that he did it at?

[1098] Bar 107, it's closed now.

[1099] Oh, yeah, it closed.

[1100] Anyway, we were right there in the audience for his album recording and it just recently was released.

[1101] Do you know what's the name of this album?

[1102] I'm just looking for it right now.

[1103] It's something about inside.

[1104] Yeah.

[1105] Hold on.

[1106] Let's see.

[1107] D -D -D -D -D -D -D -D -D -D.

[1108] Oh, son of a bitch.

[1109] Hold on.

[1110] Should I try to find it to me?

[1111] It'll be like a race.

[1112] Okay.

[1113] I'm looking at his text, so.

[1114] Oh, I got it.

[1115] Wait.

[1116] I'm still looking.

[1117] Inside looking out.

[1118] Shit.

[1119] Inside Looking Out by Matt Dwyer.

[1120] It's on vinyl.

[1121] And is he a special thing?

[1122] Is that a special thing?

[1123] That's the label.

[1124] Good guy.

[1125] He has a podcast on Farrell as well.

[1126] All right.

[1127] I haven't listened to this yet either.

[1128] Okay.

[1129] So this is his hometown murder story.

[1130] Yeah.

[1131] Okay.

[1132] All right.

[1133] Okay.

[1134] Mm -hmm.

[1135] Hold on.

[1136] Oops.

[1137] So here's my hometown murder story.

[1138] I grew up in a suburb of Chicago called Stremant, Illinois.

[1139] And it was kind of of, we didn't call it white trash at the time, they called it, a lot of the people hillbos, it was kind of very working class and angry, and there was this girl who I didn't know, she was a few years older than me, but she was pretty and very popular, and she went missing, and no one, you know, in this kind of town, that kind of stuff happened, and they couldn't find her for like a couple weeks, and then I, I think eventually they found her in a field or a swamp and she'd been murdered and raped and they couldn't find the killer and then slowly they realized that it was she was in her parents' child and they had two adopted sons, the Wright brothers, not the ones who see the planes obviously, but one of the brothers and his best friend forced her out into this field and they beat and raped her and killed her and they couldn't figure out it was then for a while I think they suspected it but and then the other brother who didn't kill her I believe if I'm remembering correctly he ratted them out because he felt really horrible the crazy thing is my eighth grade summer I had to go summer school because I didn't pay attention in school and I we would take a bus from my hometown to Elgin, Illinois, to go to some school classes and I only had to take one class and so did he and then we'd have to wait for the other classes to be over and before we could take our bus back to our town.

[1140] So me and the murderer brother would kind of we would hang out and we kind of vaguely knew each other but we had no other friends to hang out with so we would just like walk around this weird park and talk and I remember thinking like he never made eye contact he had a creepy vibe and the brother who ended up not to non -murdera brother he ended up to the west coast and changing his name and I don't but the parents appeal they recently appealed the release of the two murders one which was their adopted son that's my murder story I hope you enjoyed it holy shit fucking he was forced kind of to be friends with the murderer yeah but that's crazy that the adopted son man I bet you were bummed about that that adoption is no But, totally not.

[1141] So wait, before, obviously, before he, they found out that he did it?

[1142] Before he even did it.

[1143] Okay.

[1144] I think.

[1145] But he was a creak.

[1146] Here's just the thing.

[1147] I'm never having children.

[1148] Well, look, there's a lot to be afraid of.

[1149] Kittins are not one of them.

[1150] Kittins are great.

[1151] That's so heavy.

[1152] Yeah.

[1153] If I was mad, I would think about that constantly.

[1154] Yeah.

[1155] And the fact that he kind of knew there was something creepy about him.

[1156] Like, he wouldn't make eye contact.

[1157] Right.

[1158] That's kind of a bad thing.

[1159] Yeah.

[1160] And making eye contact with you so hard right now, just so you know that I'm not a murder.

[1161] That we're not.

[1162] My ex had a hard time keeping eye contact.

[1163] Really?

[1164] Uh -huh.

[1165] It used to bum me out.

[1166] But of course, instead of being like, oh, I don't like this trait in a person, I'm not going to continue going out with him.

[1167] I just decided that that meant something bad about me. Uh -huh.

[1168] Ladies, no. Yeah, he can't look at me. I better lose weight or I better do this or that.

[1169] Be more interesting, so he'll want to talk.

[1170] It's a reason that you don't notice that trait or like certain traits until it's not there.

[1171] Like you don't notice someone doesn't make eye contact until or someone does or doesn't until they fucking don't hardcore and it's weird.

[1172] Yeah.

[1173] Like I don't notice that now I can't stop making eye with you.

[1174] It's like something I can.

[1175] They're just staring at each other.

[1176] Yeah.

[1177] It's like not a thing you notice that it's a thing until it's happening.

[1178] Right.

[1179] Incorrectly.

[1180] I know.

[1181] And also that that is such a, it's like a primal thing.

[1182] Looking into another person's eyes is like, I can talk to you.

[1183] We are connected.

[1184] I see you as a human being.

[1185] Yeah.

[1186] It's like saying I don't want to be connected to you is how I took it.

[1187] Or like I can't.

[1188] Not even I don't want to.

[1189] Like it's not even anything that crosses my mind.

[1190] Yeah, I can't.

[1191] I won't.

[1192] He didn't even know that he was supposed to be doing that probably.

[1193] Did you ever bring it up?

[1194] No, not really.

[1195] You just murdered him.

[1196] And then moved on.

[1197] If only.

[1198] Admission, right there.

[1199] The more we do this podcast, the more I know that I'm absolutely the murderer, for sure.

[1200] That's my, if I'm going to land on any side at all.

[1201] What do you mean?

[1202] I mean, because I have the childhood head injury, seizures, fucking, you know.

[1203] You killed all those cats.

[1204] I kill all those cats.

[1205] I wet the bed to this day.

[1206] All the things.

[1207] The triangle trifecta.

[1208] whatever it's called.

[1209] That's why I started this with you because I knew that.

[1210] This is because you're going to pin me in and you called the cops?

[1211] Yeah, this whole thing has been, this is never gone.

[1212] This is all for the cops.

[1213] They've played back hours of us being like, anyway.

[1214] Like, I don't even know.

[1215] My cat, Elvis, my cat.

[1216] We're arrested for vocal fry.

[1217] Fine, I'll go down for it.

[1218] I'm proud.

[1219] It was all her.

[1220] See?

[1221] See?

[1222] See you.

[1223] All of carrots.

[1224] Well, go to Farrell Audio to listen to all our other, there's 20.

[1225] There's 20 of ours.

[1226] I thought you were telling people to listen to other podcasts.

[1227] Oh, no, don't fucking, fuck you.

[1228] Don't listen to anything else, assholes.

[1229] Only listen to us forever.

[1230] Please.

[1231] We have 20 episodes.

[1232] This is on Farrell Audio and on iTunes, please rate, review, and subscribe so we can beat out the competition.

[1233] And you know what?

[1234] Ultimately, stay sexy.

[1235] And don't get murdered.

[1236] Bye!