Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous, the most exciting call ever.

[4] This was fun.

[5] Oh, my God, my glasses don't work.

[6] Okay.

[7] the most exciting prompt oh no you just got glasses let's tell people what happened oh no are we going to keep that yeah yeah you just got glasses I'm learning to use my progressive glasses and everything was going as planned and then it was blur city and I was felt like it was fucking focusing binoculars oh no okay this episode is the wild card episode so fun because we didn't know we were going to get it was like roulette and we got some incredible incredible stories there should be no other prompt than wild card we're going to have to do more wild it's going to be a monthly wild card for sure yeah but it's kind of yeah no we'll see TBD just dialing in my glasses give me a second to focus oh my gosh please enjoy wildcard Oh, okay.

[8] Your glasses are going to make us not talk anymore because you just have to get through it.

[9] All times.

[10] Come and go.

[11] Take them slow.

[12] You got to know, I'm going to keep on shining.

[13] Okay, wild card.

[14] What could be more exciting than wild card?

[15] I feel scared.

[16] Feels like Russian roulette.

[17] Yeah.

[18] Do you think any of them will be about Russian roulette?

[19] Oh, I hope so.

[20] It's not often you meet someone who's competed in.

[21] Well, I don't think we could hear from someone.

[22] Those stories.

[23] Hello.

[24] How are you?

[25] Doing so good.

[26] How are you?

[27] Wonderful.

[28] Do you have a fake name that you want to go by?

[29] Yes, I do want to go by a fake name, but I haven't decided yet.

[30] I was thinking you guys could help me out.

[31] But the only thing I need, I need for sure a first and a last name.

[32] Okay.

[33] I'm going to go with Carol Saffron.

[34] Oh, Carol Saffron, it is.

[35] I can remember that.

[36] I can try at least.

[37] Okay, great.

[38] Carol, and I guess we can't give away your location.

[39] either.

[40] It's in California.

[41] Oh, great.

[42] So Carol, you're the first of our wild card stories, which is very exciting because it could be anything.

[43] You could have committed triple homicide.

[44] We don't know.

[45] That's what I did.

[46] Oh, my God.

[47] Congratulations.

[48] And you must have gotten a great lawyer because you seem to be.

[49] You got away with it.

[50] Not incarcerated.

[51] Well, I am in my parents' closets.

[52] Oh, okay.

[53] So house arrest, maybe.

[54] Yeah.

[55] Only one thing you need to know about me first is that I am a middle school teacher.

[56] Oh, God.

[57] Yeah.

[58] So your favorite time of life docs?

[59] Yes.

[60] Oh, yeah.

[61] Seventh grade, you're very faith.

[62] I have a question.

[63] It's a game.

[64] Okay.

[65] If you were writing the prompt for your story, what would it be?

[66] Wait, hold on though.

[67] Can I pause that?

[68] It does give it away.

[69] I was going to say it's going to give away.

[70] All right.

[71] I like the blind notion of this.

[72] Okay.

[73] Okay.

[74] So this whole story starts in November of 2020, Thanksgiving break.

[75] Fate had it that both my kids, got two kids.

[76] We're at sleepovers.

[77] That never happens.

[78] This is pretty high up in COVID.

[79] You're like teaching remotely, I imagine, over Zoom at this point.

[80] Yes.

[81] Still remote at that point, which was terrible.

[82] So stars aligned, me and my husband, home alone, no kids.

[83] Yes, it's time to get frisky.

[84] Yeah, we decided to take full advantage of this.

[85] And I took a gummy so that we could really enjoy our night.

[86] And we did.

[87] We really enjoyed our night for sure.

[88] We're relaxing on the couch.

[89] watching a movie, probably chips.

[90] Maybe, I don't know, it was 2020.

[91] I'm feeling extremely loose, really fun, having a great time, and my husband and I have been together for 20 years or so.

[92] You do not look old enough to have been married for 20 years, but that's a side note.

[93] Oh my God.

[94] Thank you.

[95] Say more.

[96] Basically, things do start to spice up.

[97] We're getting frisky.

[98] And since I'm so relaxed, literally anything's on the table.

[99] Okay.

[100] I love that.

[101] So he enters the exit only.

[102] Okay.

[103] Oh, we're already here.

[104] This is our first one of these, and I love it.

[105] Okay.

[106] Okay, good.

[107] I'm glad because I don't want to feel embarrassed about that, but it's fine.

[108] I've engaged in it in my life.

[109] Yeah, it's very natural.

[110] We had a great night, and still when I think about that night, it's one of the best times I had because we laughed.

[111] It was so fun.

[112] But then, like, two days later, not as fun.

[113] So I started feeling some really intense.

[114] pain in your rectum yeah like when you pooped or just generally generally and also when I pooped okay and I was like oh okay this is probably hemorrhoids never had those don't know what that's about but that's probably what's going on yeah reach out to a couple of nurse friends and they're like definitely hemorrhoids that happens I'm like okay I'm getting so old and gross but whatever yeah but then like about two days later it starts to hurt like when I'm even just sitting but then And later on, on that, like, fourth day, I started getting a fever.

[115] And I was like, okay, well, does this happen when it's hemorrhoids?

[116] I don't know.

[117] And also, like, it's COVID.

[118] Yeah.

[119] Really quick question.

[120] I think it's relevant.

[121] That was not your first experience with this.

[122] No, but I was really high.

[123] So we probably went a little harder than most normally.

[124] You can't feel your body.

[125] So loose.

[126] Good for everyone.

[127] So relaxed.

[128] Yeah.

[129] Okay.

[130] So I, I start a fever.

[131] I'm telling my husband.

[132] I'm not feeling good.

[133] And he's like, you have COVID.

[134] And I go, no, I don't think so, but okay.

[135] So we go to bed, and that night my fever hits like 104.

[136] It's bad.

[137] And literally nothing is bringing it down.

[138] Oh, my God.

[139] And I also feel like somebody is stabbing me all over my entire body with like a serrated knife.

[140] So super, super, super, super uncomfortable, like bad pain.

[141] And I looked at him, I was like, something is wrong.

[142] I have to go to the hospital.

[143] And he's like, I feel like you're being really dramatic.

[144] I have a theory on what the medical condition is already.

[145] Okay.

[146] Don't say it.

[147] Yeah, go ahead.

[148] No, I want it to be a surprise.

[149] Okay.

[150] Okay, so he drives me to the hospital.

[151] One in the morning, I get to the ER.

[152] And I'm like, they're going to give me some antibiotics for my bad hemorrhoids because that's probably what's going on here.

[153] As soon as I get into the ER, the ER doctor goes, no, this is not hemorrhoids.

[154] He says, take me through this last week.

[155] What did you do?

[156] And I'm like, well, I had a really fun time a few days.

[157] and he's like, could there be something up there?

[158] And I'm like, no, but also...

[159] Who knows?

[160] Right.

[161] I was high.

[162] Like, everyone was having a good time.

[163] I don't really know.

[164] Luckily, nothing was up there, but...

[165] Oh, my God.

[166] I got a CT scan.

[167] I got ultrasound done.

[168] I got a chest x -ray done.

[169] I got cultures and blood drawing.

[170] I got literally everything you could imagine.

[171] and my white blood cell count was through the roof, just crazy high.

[172] And they had decided that I was septic.

[173] And so I start on Deloaded.

[174] And they admit me into the hospital, and I'm there for about eight days.

[175] But four days into it, my white blood cell count was still rising, like just climbing, climb and climbing.

[176] And the doctor comes in and he says, you need to meet with the infectious disease specialist because they had done a colonoscopy.

[177] I was getting blood drawn every six hours.

[178] When they did the colonoscopy, you didn't have a big tear in there.

[179] Not that they could see anyway.

[180] And also, they are so interesting about colonoscopies.

[181] I had to pee on my way into that.

[182] And I was like, I have to go to the bathroom.

[183] And they're like, well, can you hold it?

[184] And I was like, I don't really know what I can control.

[185] You're putting me under.

[186] I peed.

[187] So that was annoying.

[188] But yeah.

[189] They said, you need to meet the infectious disease specialist.

[190] And I said, okay, great.

[191] They said, she's like Sherlock Holmes because she, It's just such a good detective and she can find everything.

[192] I'm like, incredible.

[193] Let's get her in here.

[194] So I'm sitting on my bed and probably about an hour later, the door opens.

[195] And she walks in and she goes, Mrs. Saffron?

[196] And I go, hi, Annie's mom.

[197] Oh, no. Oh, it was a knowing Mrs. Saffron, as in teacher Saffron.

[198] teacher saffron and she's like what are you doing here oh so so awkward i was butt -fucking a couple days i was doing some butt shit and he's not fucking crazy i don't know it was weird oh my god she could tell pretty immediately that i was like being really fucking awkward yeah so she walked over she's like you know what i'll just read on your chart i was like yeah awesome all also house Annie, and she starts reading my chart, and then she does literally the sweetest thing.

[199] She leans over, and she goes, you got to keep it fresh.

[200] Oh, wow.

[201] Good for her.

[202] Yeah.

[203] Thank you.

[204] Yeah.

[205] Kitty likes to scratch.

[206] Yeah.

[207] She was really sweet.

[208] But then she did have to feel every single portion of my body.

[209] Uh -huh.

[210] Yeah.

[211] Every single orifice that she could get her hands.

[212] It's her job.

[213] She got in your ass as well.

[214] At that point, there had been, like, a lot of people in my ass.

[215] So it was fine.

[216] Just getting hectic in there.

[217] Yeah, it was pretty embarrassing to have my students' mom come in and then look up my asshole.

[218] Not the colonoscopy people, but she was the one who found like a very tiny little fissure.

[219] Yeah.

[220] And that caused all of this?

[221] Yes, I had gone full septic.

[222] Yes, okay, through friends who have been opioid addicts, they get impacted.

[223] it rips their intestines, and they go septic.

[224] So to me, right out of the gates, this is already obvious.

[225] That was what I was going to guess.

[226] It's shocking to me that took eight days.

[227] Oh, you're telling me, I was in the fucking hospital for ages.

[228] Yeah, yeah.

[229] Spped balls.

[230] Yeah.

[231] She is such a rock star.

[232] And my husband, after he knew that I was fine, he's like, I could have murdered you, like, with my dick.

[233] Yeah.

[234] And then when I told him, I'm coming on this show, he's like, you're welcome.

[235] You're welcome.

[236] Did they suture it up?

[237] No, at that time, because we're four or five days in.

[238] They wanted to monitor my white blood cell count for like another day or two.

[239] And so on that like fifth day, it finally started to decrease.

[240] But it was like I'm by myself in the hospital because it was COVID time.

[241] You know, what do you tell you when your kid's like, why is mom in the hospital?

[242] Well, guys, when people love each other.

[243] Yeah.

[244] I do try to keep it really honest with them.

[245] And actually, because of Kristen, I always go, when the girl says it's okay, then.

[246] Yeah, when the woman takes the boy's penis and puts it in, yeah.

[247] Well, we shouldn't say woman and boy.

[248] The worst is my mom.

[249] She's calling me every day.

[250] Oh, sure.

[251] And she's got to know.

[252] She's like, what is going on, Carol?

[253] And I'm like, mom, listen, don't fucking ask questions that you really don't want to know the answer to this one.

[254] That's so amazing.

[255] I had to come to their house because I got off of school, like, at 305, and their house is closer than mine.

[256] So I was like, hey, mom, I got to use your closet to do this whole thing.

[257] She's like, are you going to tell them the whole thing?

[258] That's incredible.

[259] Believe it or not, it's not the same, but a little bit similar.

[260] Very young, out of town with my girlfriend.

[261] My mom's there.

[262] Similar evening for us.

[263] Everything's groovy.

[264] She goes to the bathroom.

[265] She sees some blood.

[266] She now starts passing out.

[267] Her eyes are rolling back in her head.

[268] I don't know what's going on.

[269] I freak out.

[270] I'm 19 years old.

[271] I have to go knock on my mother's hotel room door and say, we need to go to the hospital.

[272] Why?

[273] And I have to tell her because we're about to go to the emergency room and the doctor's going to ask the same thing.

[274] And we go to the emergency room and I got to tell the doctor.

[275] They were insistent that we were on drugs, which we weren't.

[276] We were dead sober.

[277] but yeah had to go tell mom why we needed to go to the immersion zero that is terrible and my dad he's like we'll just leave out the first part that's the whole part that's the part that's the part dad oh wow good for you thank you you know what you have to keep it spicy after 20 years that's now off the table I wish I could say it was okay right well good you can give off the horse you just got to do it you got to do.

[278] I got to keep them, you know?

[279] Like, we have to keep it spicy fresh.

[280] So when I tell people that, they're like, you're so gross.

[281] Why wouldn't you stop doing that?

[282] I'm like, okay, just try it.

[283] There's nothing gross in sex except for things you don't want to do that you do.

[284] Yeah.

[285] But also, if anyone is in this position and they start feeling funny, get that shit checked out literally, get immediately.

[286] It's a warning story.

[287] Yes, cautionary tale.

[288] We're philanthropic here.

[289] We're doing the right thing.

[290] That's what the prompt was.

[291] Tell a philanthropic story.

[292] I think I wrote on there how my anal sex led to me meeting my students.

[293] Oh.

[294] That's a great way to condense that story.

[295] Someone's reading that.

[296] Like Emma sees that.

[297] She's like, we're going to read this.

[298] We got to look at this.

[299] Emma was so sweet in all the emails.

[300] She was really kind.

[301] She's the best.

[302] I'm so excited that I got to be here.

[303] This is really fun.

[304] Us too.

[305] That was a great story.

[306] Oh, my gosh.

[307] God, I loved it.

[308] And again, first person to take us down this path.

[309] Thanks for all you guys do.

[310] I really appreciate it.

[311] Oh, our pleasure.

[312] Bye.

[313] All right.

[314] Take care.

[315] Wow, that was great.

[316] Great.

[317] There was drugs.

[318] There was anal sex.

[319] There was septic.

[320] Yeah.

[321] She was taken out of it.

[322] Oh, I forgot about that part.

[323] That got it.

[324] Yes, there was.

[325] We just didn't have rock and roll.

[326] That's the only thing that was missing.

[327] Maybe they were playing it during the sexual activity.

[328] Absolutely.

[329] Hall of notes.

[330] That was wonderful.

[331] If she had died from anal, I mean.

[332] That's not.

[333] What if it said that on her headstone?

[334] She died doing what she loved.

[335] That's right.

[336] I mean, that's the way you want to go.

[337] Oh, Lord, that was wonderful.

[338] Hi, Maggie.

[339] Hello.

[340] We're so excited because we love the idea of wildcard.

[341] We have no idea what story you're about to tell us.

[342] It's very exciting.

[343] Well, I will say it's encouraging you're using a fake name.

[344] That, to me, gets my expectations.

[345] pretty high.

[346] It is killing me to use a fake name because I have a pretty cool real name.

[347] Well, I do know your real name, and it is a cool name.

[348] Yes, you'll see exactly why I'm using a fake name.

[349] We be jamming.

[350] Okay, so it's June of 2016, and it's just a regular day.

[351] I'm at my engineering job, and I get a phone call.

[352] It's the police.

[353] I have no idea what this could be about, and the police officer asks me if I've seen the news today, and I'm like, no?

[354] And I'm like, no. And then he says, have you heard anything about ISIS recently?

[355] What?

[356] Same as my reaction.

[357] I'm like, uh, well, I mean, of course.

[358] I've heard of them.

[359] Yeah, exactly.

[360] You let me guess.

[361] They're fucking shit up.

[362] They're killing people.

[363] Yeah, are you doing calls to spread the word?

[364] I don't know.

[365] So he keeps going on and saying, well, there's been an article today with the names of 151 Canadians.

[366] ISIS has put out a list.

[367] What?

[368] And I'm thinking like, oh, my God, my name's been put on a no fly list.

[369] All these scenarios are running through my head, and he's still talking.

[370] I'm trying to figure out what he's talking about.

[371] But the one thing that I remember very clearly is when he said, and they're calling it a kill list.

[372] No. Uh -huh.

[373] What the fuck?

[374] Wow.

[375] Yeah, exactly.

[376] And your name's not terribly common, so it's not like your Jane.

[377] And are you at this point, like, who do I know who could possibly be in ISIS?

[378] You'd have to start going there.

[379] How am I?

[380] Connected.

[381] Yeah.

[382] And that's what this police officer starts asking me. He's like, do you have any affiliations?

[383] Have you made any social media post?

[384] Can you think of any reason?

[385] I don't know how it works in Canada enough.

[386] But what would be weird to me right out of the gates is why would a local cop be calling me?

[387] In this country, Homeland Security would call you or the CIA would call you or the FBI would call you.

[388] The LAPD wouldn't call you for this.

[389] So is there not a separate task force there?

[390] different.

[391] I think it's just different.

[392] The list was of Canadians across the country.

[393] And so this guy was tasked with the people in the area to call them and inform them that their names are on the list.

[394] Whoa.

[395] Wow.

[396] I am pretty much freaking out.

[397] And then this guy makes it a little bit worse by saying, you don't really need to be worried.

[398] It's probably nothing serious.

[399] It would just be a lone wolf who would, you know, carry this out on their own.

[400] Yeah, that's not terribly comforting that's going to be a lone wolf.

[401] I don't know why that's better.

[402] I was just like, okay, I don't feel better.

[403] He's basically trying to figure out how my name got on this list and they figure that it was some kind of data leak.

[404] I'm kind of notorious for if I can get 5 % off of something, I'll sign up for it.

[405] Oh, okay.

[406] So you've signed up for a lot of things.

[407] Well, you deserve it then.

[408] Yeah.

[409] Sounds like here's the one.

[410] I need more than 5 % off, I think.

[411] Did he want to meet with you in person or he was fine to just tell you like, hey you're on this list nothing for you to really do pretty much really just like you know don't really worry about it oh my god not like um well watch where you're at or stay at a hotel or you know like nothing take some precautions don't panic it's probably okay except the lone wolf then you're not okay did any investigation end up getting to the root of how you and the other 149 people had made this list or was it just completely random they think it was just completely random.

[412] So just like some data bought by ISIS and just totally random names.

[413] Yeah, a lot of the names were women.

[414] So people may be more likely to sign up for some things online.

[415] Okay.

[416] I call my husband, let him know what has happened.

[417] He's kind of like, yeah, yeah, same as the police officer.

[418] You'll be fine.

[419] Jesus.

[420] No one is taking this seriously enough.

[421] Yeah, except for me. And then I didn't really feel well, so I told my boss, just found out I'm on an ISIS kill list.

[422] I think I want to go home.

[423] And they're like, yes, please leave.

[424] That's a great idea.

[425] Yeah, we don't want you here.

[426] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[427] Take your problem somewhere else.

[428] Yeah.

[429] Exactly.

[430] So I go home.

[431] I live in a townhouse and it's in like a complex.

[432] So I decided to go out on the balcony.

[433] It's a nice day.

[434] I look over.

[435] My neighbor's sliding glass door is shattered.

[436] No. And I'm like, oh my God, they've already come to get me. You started thinking that was a bullet went through that glass.

[437] Yeah.

[438] I'm like, yeah, they just got the wrong house.

[439] And by the way, my current address was on that list.

[440] with my name.

[441] Oh, it was.

[442] Yeah.

[443] So I was extra freaked out.

[444] But then I'm like, it's okay.

[445] It's just a coincidence.

[446] I call the police anyway to let them know.

[447] Finally, they show up.

[448] They knock on my door and they say, well, it was an ISIS.

[449] It was actually the landscapers.

[450] They were mowing the lawn and a rock flew up into the window.

[451] You're a very, very traditional way to break a sliding glass door.

[452] Yes.

[453] But what are the chances in the same day?

[454] Yeah.

[455] I find out about that list.

[456] And then just over time, you just kind of it blew over and you stopped thinking about it.

[457] Well, actually, we ended up moving to Germany a few months later.

[458] Because of that?

[459] No. That had already been planned.

[460] Yeah.

[461] So I got some real peace of mind once we moved out of that house.

[462] And how long were you in Germany?

[463] Two years.

[464] And then two years in Sweden.

[465] And then now we're back in Canada.

[466] Oh, wow.

[467] That's a fun little detour.

[468] Yeah.

[469] Yeah.

[470] It was great.

[471] Which did you prefer?

[472] I'm going to guess.

[473] Sweden?

[474] They were so different.

[475] Like, Germany was really fun, sometimes a little hard to live around the Germans.

[476] Okay.

[477] Because they do everything perfectly and you feel judged?

[478] Yes, exactly.

[479] Except for I was teaching English there, so then I could do the judging.

[480] Ah, nice, nice, nice.

[481] But Sweden was great.

[482] We had our first baby there.

[483] That was a great place to have a kid.

[484] It always tests so high on these UN polls of the greatest places to live.

[485] Sweden's always...

[486] It's up there.

[487] Top few.

[488] It's wonderful.

[489] How'd that winter treat you?

[490] I guess you're from Canada.

[491] It's not that bad.

[492] But it's dark.

[493] It was dark.

[494] I think there was like four hours of sunlight in November that year.

[495] That's not good for me. That is not good for sad.

[496] That's not where you're supposed to be.

[497] Wow.

[498] Well, I'm glad you were not murdered by ISIS.

[499] Yeah, you're knocking out.

[500] I think they're pretty much.

[501] Nope, we're going to keep knocking.

[502] Isn't ISIS kind of been defeated?

[503] We don't know.

[504] It could have been.

[505] Okay.

[506] That's why I was like thinking about the real name.

[507] And then I was like, no, no. Yeah, we don't want to be on a list.

[508] Wow, that's a great dinner party story.

[509] There's 30 million Canadians divided by 150.

[510] You know, you've got a one and 400 ,000 chance of never being at a dinner party with someone else that has that story.

[511] That's pretty good.

[512] Yeah, it's good.

[513] It's pretty good one, yeah.

[514] Thank you for talking to us.

[515] Yeah.

[516] My mom is a huge fan, and she is here watching my kids.

[517] She's wondering if she could say hi.

[518] Of course.

[519] We'd love to meet your mom.

[520] Let me open the closet door.

[521] Mom.

[522] You got to yell like a child does.

[523] Mom!

[524] Make me a milkshed!

[525] Yeah, that's how you get their attention.

[526] You got to scream at them.

[527] Hello?

[528] Oh, my gosh.

[529] There's a little person, too.

[530] Oh, my God.

[531] Three generations right here.

[532] Oh, I cannot believe this.

[533] Oh, Mom looks so young, but mom also sounds so Canadian.

[534] Do you really?

[535] Oh, you do.

[536] Oh, my God.

[537] People must think your sisters when you go out.

[538] You're very kind.

[539] Although that little person does not look like anyone's brother.

[540] That looks like someone's baby.

[541] And he looks mad at us.

[542] Yeah, he's like, what is going on?

[543] He's not too sure about all this.

[544] It's good to be skeptical.

[545] Oh, my God.

[546] All right, guys.

[547] Well, nice meeting everyone.

[548] Nice meeting you too.

[549] Be safe.

[550] That baby was cute.

[551] That's a cute baby, a little blonde Canadian baby.

[552] You know, babies like me Because I have big eyes Yep Babies like big eyes Babies like round features They do because they get nourished That's right From circles What's up guys This your girl Kiki And my podcast is back with a new season And let me tell you It's too good And I'm diving into the brains Of entertainment's best and brightest Okay, every episode I bring on a friend And have a real conversation And I don't mean just friends I mean the likes of Amy Polar Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox the list goes on.

[553] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[554] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[555] We've all been there.

[556] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[557] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[558] like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[559] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[560] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[561] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[562] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[563] Prime members can listen early and listen.

[564] and ad free on Amazon Music.

[565] Oh, fuck.

[566] Do you skip paper cut?

[567] Oh, we got a wild card story happening in real time.

[568] Monica just sliced her finger.

[569] Hi.

[570] Hi.

[571] Hi, how are you?

[572] Wonderful.

[573] You got a whole setup.

[574] I'm a high school physics teacher, so he did a lot of remote teaching a couple years ago.

[575] Was that terrible?

[576] It was terrible.

[577] Yeah, it was no fun at all.

[578] It sucked all of the joy out of teaching.

[579] Also, physics, you need so many visual aids in physics.

[580] It all came down to using online simulations and animated stuff and make do with what you got.

[581] Would people terrorize the Zoom meetings?

[582] I have a friend who's a teacher in Michigan and kids would get in under some crazy name and they'd just start blasting offensive messages and stuff.

[583] It did early on until it happened enough times that we're like, all right, well, let's figure out what are the right settings.

[584] And so you only let in the people who are in your class.

[585] And it was a giant pain in the ass.

[586] You're pretty handsome for a physicist.

[587] Like, it's not what you think when you think.

[588] physicist, you know?

[589] That was very kind.

[590] Mix messages.

[591] The brand in general needs some help.

[592] The physics brand, you know?

[593] You're doing your part.

[594] Although Brian Cox was really cute as well.

[595] Yeah.

[596] This is the second teacher on this prompt, and that's extra bizarre because it's wildcard.

[597] You're absolutely right.

[598] So there shouldn't be any through lines, but you're the second teacher.

[599] Quick question.

[600] Do you have a favorite physicist that you are enamored with?

[601] Brian Cox is pretty cool.

[602] The guy who figured out that it was the O -rings on the Space Shuttle Challenger.

[603] Oh, my God.

[604] We just talked about him.

[605] Fine men.

[606] We literally yesterday were talking about him.

[607] That's an insane.

[608] Ding, ding, ding.

[609] Wow.

[610] Cool.

[611] Okay, good.

[612] I like that you have a favorite one.

[613] Okay, so this was wild card, which is very exciting for us because it could be absolutely anything.

[614] You could be a murderer.

[615] We might find that out.

[616] Yeah.

[617] Okay.

[618] So walk us through this wild card offering.

[619] Okay.

[620] So this is my Craigslist motorcycle purchase story.

[621] Oh.

[622] I started riding motorcycles in about 2005 or six.

[623] and had a couple like beginner bikes like Honda Magna, 750s.

[624] Cruiser bike.

[625] Yeah, and I like did some good trips on them.

[626] But I was looking for something with a little more get up and go, a little more presence.

[627] So I was just doing some Craigslist shopping and found one that is about 45 minutes from me. I live near Boston and this is up on the shore north of Boston.

[628] So I rang this guy up.

[629] There's a BMW K -12 RS and like a big highway missile.

[630] Indestructible motor.

[631] Yeah.

[632] Oh, man. So smooth.

[633] I go to the guy's house.

[634] We like make an appointment.

[635] so, you know, come over such and such a time.

[636] Here's my address.

[637] Drive up, park on the street, and the bike is out on the sidewalk in front of his house.

[638] So I, like, kind of glance at it, but I want to make conversation first.

[639] I see him at the bottom of the driveway.

[640] He's, like, spraying the bushes, doing some yard work.

[641] I just walk up and say, hey, how you doing?

[642] Shake hands.

[643] Then he says, yeah, come on in.

[644] He's super friendly.

[645] So just kind of follow him in the front door.

[646] Come on in.

[647] The bike's out front.

[648] Why are we going inside, sir?

[649] We head upstairs.

[650] I'm just following him.

[651] He's like, do you make a right turn, head upstairs.

[652] I'm thinking he's got the repair records.

[653] That's where the office is.

[654] Yeah.

[655] And top of the stairs, turn left, turn right, turns right into a room, which is dark.

[656] Oh, God.

[657] And there are candles lit.

[658] No. What?

[659] No. He starts to undo his button flies.

[660] Oh.

[661] Oh, okay.

[662] Oh my God.

[663] I raised my hand.

[664] I'm like, I'm here to see the motorcycle.

[665] And he just stops mid button.

[666] He's like, oh, buttons him back up.

[667] And he's like, oh, man. Sorry about that.

[668] And he just, like, walks out, head downstairs.

[669] Like, you know, I had somebody coming over to give me a blowjob.

[670] Like a grinder.

[671] He had a grinder date as well.

[672] I don't know if Grindr was around in 2009.

[673] Oh, my God.

[674] He double booked.

[675] Exactly.

[676] Wow.

[677] You put two ads on Craigslist and you forget who's showing up at what time.

[678] Oh, my God.

[679] It sounds like he recovered beautiful.

[680] though.

[681] He was smooth as glass.

[682] I mean, it was 30 seconds between shaking his hand and getting upstairs.

[683] Like, I didn't have time to process what's going on.

[684] And so it wasn't until that he was, like, halfway down that I was like, oh, we're going to pause here for a second and recalect.

[685] Oh, my God.

[686] A regroup.

[687] And you were never scared during that time.

[688] No, he just seemed like a really friendly guy.

[689] Very friendly.

[690] He wasn't threatening.

[691] in any way.

[692] No, not threatening.

[693] Like, he was open and kind.

[694] And, like, as the whole thing went on, we were, like, heading downstairs.

[695] He's like, you know, I'm really sorry about that.

[696] That's kind of awkward.

[697] Let me suck your dick.

[698] Let me apologize.

[699] And it's like my wife's out of town.

[700] Oh.

[701] As I got to know him over the next half hour, so he just seems like the kind of guy who is exactly who he is.

[702] I feel like his wife is probably fine with what he's doing when she's out of town.

[703] He just seems like everything is above board.

[704] Wow.

[705] And did you.

[706] And did you, guys shift pretty seamlessly to talking bikes yeah it was just like oh it's not the toaster it's for the motorcycle yeah okay so yeah you want to take it out sure go ahead you're going to fun if i'm not outside when you come back i'm getting my dick sucked but i'll be out shortly oh my god also you got to experience what we are very privy dude because we have a friend who does a lot of hookups over the internet and it's that quick which is always shocking to me as a heterosexual man who has had to put in lots and lots of time to ever be in that position.

[707] There's no pomp circumstance, nothing at all.

[708] It's just like, right to it.

[709] Let's get on with the getting on.

[710] That's kind of evolved for 2009.

[711] The wife knowing that when she goes out of town, he gets his dick sucked by men.

[712] And in a suburb, that kind of makes me happy for everyone.

[713] I know.

[714] It was really kind of a fun experience.

[715] Yeah, absolutely.

[716] When I got home, I looked it up, and I found the other Craigslist.

[717] I really wish I had screenshot it it.

[718] More or less, it said, man for man, will blow you, reciprocate if desired.

[719] So, yeah, like, clearly he did just put two ads in Craigslist and forgot who was coming.

[720] Wow.

[721] What a life -affirming story.

[722] Wow.

[723] It's real positive.

[724] And the bike was great.

[725] How come he didn't hang on to it forever?

[726] You could have put 100 ,000 miles on that thing.

[727] Yeah.

[728] It was a little more sport and less tour.

[729] Like, it had beautiful bags.

[730] It was in beautiful shape.

[731] But I found that after a couple hours of leaning forward on it, my shoulders started to ache.

[732] And so the next bike I got after that was a Honda VTX -1300, which is like riding a John Deere tractor.

[733] It's just like a sofa.

[734] Yes, yes, riding a couch down the interstate.

[735] Yeah.

[736] Well, Maddie, thank you for sharing that journey.

[737] Again, it's just been in a great mood now knowing that that happened.

[738] Pepping your staff.

[739] Awesome.

[740] Happy to share with you.

[741] Okay, great meeting you.

[742] All right.

[743] All right.

[744] Take care.

[745] Bye -bye.

[746] All right.

[747] Here comes Justine.

[748] Hello.

[749] Hi, Justine.

[750] Hi.

[751] You're in your closet, I see.

[752] I am sitting next to my husband's dirty clothes.

[753] Okay.

[754] You guys are sharing a closet.

[755] Yes, we share a closet.

[756] And what percentage of it do you occupy and what does he get?

[757] I get most of it.

[758] I was going to say 50 -50, but it's majority of me. Okay.

[759] That's how it should be.

[760] I wouldn't have believed you if you said 50 -50.

[761] Like, you could have said it, but I would have thought, well, now I don't trust anything coming forward.

[762] No way.

[763] Where are you at in the world?

[764] I live in Monroe, Washington.

[765] Oh, okay.

[766] Eastern Washington?

[767] No, I know you know, Marysville.

[768] We're like 20 minutes from Marysville.

[769] Okay, so you're telling us a wild card story, which is great, because we have no clue what that is.

[770] Okay.

[771] I definitely couldn't figure out a category to put it in.

[772] Okay.

[773] So this story takes place summer of 2005.

[774] At the time, I was 13.

[775] The beginning of the year, my sister and I went to a day camp.

[776] We did like an obstacle course that had a zip line, and we fell in love for like, we love ziplining.

[777] We came home.

[778] We told my parents.

[779] And my parents are like, cool.

[780] We're going to Costa Rica next month, and we're going to zip line.

[781] So that's awesome.

[782] Wait, really quick.

[783] They go without you?

[784] They go without us.

[785] Oh, okay, okay.

[786] I thought he was saying like, oh, great.

[787] Well, you're going to love our trip to Costa Rica.

[788] No, you'll love hearing about it.

[789] So he is in Costa Rica.

[790] He's going down the zip line, and he has an epiphany.

[791] He's like, I could build a zip line.

[792] That is something that I could put together.

[793] I mean, it's pretty easy.

[794] I just need the cable and the equipment.

[795] We were just ziplining in Hawaii.

[796] it's literally all I was thinking about the entire time.

[797] I was like every time I was scoping out every coupling and every anchor.

[798] And I'm like, you know, I could definitely pull this off in our yard.

[799] Yeah.

[800] I was born and raised in eastern Washington.

[801] And we spent summer holidays and holiday weekends.

[802] We would go down to the Oregon coast because my grandparents, they have acreage about 20 minutes from the Oregon coast.

[803] It's very densely forested.

[804] Trees everywhere, all forest service land around that area and I mean we would spend our time dirt biking there we would have ATVs like it was a blast the perfect place for an adventure so my dad decides he's going to build the zip line on their property is it his parents or your mother's parents okay that's better yeah if your son -in -law wants to do this you're like oh my god who my daughter marry okay so he goes out and he buys the kind of cable that loggers use to pull down trees so it's like a thick cable and he purchases a pulley a harness and a carabiner, and he needs a break.

[805] That's the one thing he's missing, is a way to stop.

[806] He calls the place in Costa Rica and tries to buy whatever they used as a break on the zip line, and they're like, we can't sell that to you.

[807] We're an adventure company.

[808] This is a weird request.

[809] So this is 2005, so I don't think there was an Amazon Prime option to get a break for a zip line.

[810] So he ends up just winging it.

[811] no good on you dad oh my god so he puts up the zip line my mom has to leave she's going to her parents house so it's just me and my sister my grandparents and my dad i hope grandma took the first ride i was thinking back on the story i was like man it's insane that they didn't go down the zip line that would have been so funny so my dad comes and gets us and he's like okay guys the zip line is ready.

[812] Ziplines open for business.

[813] Yeah, he's like, I've tried it out.

[814] We're good to go.

[815] So we head down the road and he has tied one end to a power pole.

[816] And then he has tied the other end to a truck that was abandoned on the property in like 1970.

[817] Wait, but like on the ground?

[818] It's like a semi truck.

[819] Oh, what?

[820] Okay.

[821] So at the bottom of the hill.

[822] So at the bottom of the hill, it's tied to the semi truck.

[823] And at the top of the hill, it's tied to the PowerPole.

[824] Uh -huh.

[825] The city Powerball.

[826] The beginning and the end are pretty close to the ground, but the middle gets like 20 or 30 feet off the ground.

[827] So it is a big zip line.

[828] Wow.

[829] Oh, my God.

[830] It wasn't very long.

[831] It was a pretty small hill, but it did get like some height.

[832] Yes, yes.

[833] The way he set up the zip line was he had the pulley on the cable.

[834] He used a carabiner.

[835] to attach the harness to the pulley.

[836] So we would put the harness on, like pants.

[837] So it was around your thighs and your waist.

[838] So when you were sitting on the zip line, hooked in, it's like you were leaning back on a swing.

[839] He's decided, I'm just going to use a leather glove as a break.

[840] What's that mean?

[841] He's going to squeeze the line as he's going fast to slow himself down.

[842] With the leather glove.

[843] So he was worried that the leather glove wouldn't be enough reinforcement so he had us holding it like cupping it in our hand oh terrible idea hands got to be in it best case for this thing that right yeah disappear oh no so we're holding on to it my sister goes down she goes down great it's fun she's able to stop herself with the glove cupping it in her hand she pulls it down and she's able to stop and then it's my turn so i go down i go down great dad killed it we're all so happy my sister then goes again again, and then it's my turn again.

[844] So he hooks me into the zip line, and he's noticing that the glove is getting really worn on that size.

[845] So he flips it over.

[846] So I start going down, but when he flipped the glove over, it had a crease in it.

[847] So I lost my grip, like you said.

[848] You're like, this is probably going to happen.

[849] So I did lose my grip.

[850] I dropped the glove.

[851] Oh, so I am picking up speed.

[852] No. To this day, I don't know why I did this, but I turned my head to look to see what happened to the glove.

[853] And my hair got sucked up into the pulley.

[854] This is, no. This went from bad to worse so quickly.

[855] Oh, my God.

[856] So I come to a complete stop.

[857] Oh, because your hair is wedged in there.

[858] I'm hanging by my hair.

[859] five feet off the ground, screaming.

[860] Everyone is running towards me. My grandparents, my sister, my dad is like, oh, shit.

[861] My dad is trying to get me undone.

[862] My dad is very calm, cool -headed person.

[863] So he's like trying to get my hair out.

[864] I remember my grandpa coming towards me. He's pulling out his pocket knife.

[865] Yes.

[866] We got to cut her hair.

[867] I'm 13 years old.

[868] Yeah.

[869] This 65 -year -old man is going to cut my hair with a pocket knife.

[870] I am sobbing uncontrollably.

[871] I mean, it was so vain at the time.

[872] I'm like, I don't want my hair cut.

[873] Yeah.

[874] So thankfully, my dad told my grandpa to stay back, and he, like, got me loose.

[875] Sounds like it runs in the family, by the way.

[876] All the males are taking everything into their own hands.

[877] I got this.

[878] I got it out of the way.

[879] We got to cut her down.

[880] 100%.

[881] That's them.

[882] And so they get me off the zip line with my hair, the majority of my hair.

[883] And I am standing at the end of the zip line.

[884] blind.

[885] And what had happened was when my hair got sucked up, it had sucked up my shoulder.

[886] So my shoulder got like rope burn all the way across my back.

[887] So it had like ripped open my shirt.

[888] It was literally an imprint of like a red cable on my shoulder.

[889] So I'm standing there with my shirt brushing through my hair.

[890] Like hair is falling out because I had scalp damage.

[891] And I'm crying uncontrollably and so that is pretty much everything that happened my poor mom had left so she pulls into her parents driveway and gets a phone call immediately yeah come back she was livid she was like you were alone with them for an hour and you partially scalped your daughter listen this is the tightrope dance walk like we're in charge of play even our great doctor windy mogul will tell you That's what dads are for.

[892] They're for play.

[893] It's vital.

[894] But boy, sometimes we don't know where the line is.

[895] Yeah, I mean, yeah.

[896] Pretty often.

[897] My dad does not know where the line is.

[898] And he continued building ziplines, by the way.

[899] Oh, did he get any better at it?

[900] Oh, he got way better.

[901] And the new rule was you had to wear a pony tail.

[902] Yeah, problem's solved.

[903] And I never did another zip line that he made.

[904] Okay.

[905] I think that's smart.

[906] And did it hurt him?

[907] Was he like, hon, I figured all this out now.

[908] You don't need to worry.

[909] No, I think he was fine.

[910] My family members were the only ones that went on them.

[911] because they were kind of like a lawsuit waiting to happen.

[912] They're a big -time liability, yeah.

[913] Did he figure out a new solution, not a glove?

[914] For the break?

[915] Oh, he started using some other leather object, my sister said, like an old wallet or something.

[916] Resourceful.

[917] Yeah, so resourceful.

[918] Two leather shoes you pinch together over there.

[919] I guess because I've never been ziplining.

[920] I'm having a hard time understanding the mechanics of this, actually.

[921] Well, okay, so just in a nutshell, generally, they're planned out in a way that you're going to slow down.

[922] Like, there's a great point of acceleration, but all the cables are going to be in a natural U shape, right?

[923] Because the middle's heavy and there's slack.

[924] So you're picking up speed, but then, of course, they've anchored the other side of it a little higher than the low point of the curve.

[925] So now you're kind of climbing uphill or you're just going at least laterally.

[926] And you slow down naturally.

[927] And maybe you hit those platforms, you know, going five, 10 miles an hour.

[928] In the worst case scenario, they'll have a big long spring.

[929] spring that slows you down to at the end.

[930] So in general, if they're designed correctly, there's not a tremendous need for a break.

[931] But the fact that he was doing this DIY.

[932] Does anyone ever get stuck middle?

[933] Yes.

[934] So Lincoln, often when we were doing the Hawaii things, there's like 14 lines.

[935] You know, it's momentum.

[936] So it's way.

[937] So for me, they would, like, they would tell the two children that were on the trip, Lincoln and this other boy, to make a ball in the air so you have less resistance and you'll go faster.

[938] Now, they're telling me, don't.

[939] Don't go in a ball.

[940] You're going to hit the platform going 35.

[941] So I've got to just be, you know, maximum resistance.

[942] It sounds like the dad, you know, he did the best he could.

[943] But he was at an angle that required some braking, which is the problem right out of the gates.

[944] Okay, wow.

[945] I also bet you guys were just too close to the cable in general.

[946] Oh, 100%.

[947] We were way too close to the cable.

[948] If my hair was close enough to get sucked up into it, I was way too close to the cable.

[949] Yeah.

[950] And if your shoulder was level with the cable, because normally you'd be slung.

[951] down lower it's a trial and error situation i was the failure yeah you were the error in the trial and error you're the error well this is all great engineering has a little teeny oh i love your dad you know it sounds like a scene out of the griswold it sounds like clark griswold right thinking that and you can see the dad going clark you did do what you could You just go try, son.

[952] 100 % national campaign.

[953] Yes, yes, that's my father.

[954] You know what's so funny is you would imagine that this story made me discouraged.

[955] And it actually reminded me like, oh, yeah, I got to get that up.

[956] Like, I got to get my zipline going.

[957] Can you just hire someone, please?

[958] I just use it as a cautionary tale for everyone.

[959] He's a very good example of what not to do.

[960] That's so funny.

[961] Oh, my God.

[962] Thanks for sharing.

[963] That was lovely.

[964] Thank you guys so much.

[965] that I've been looking forward to this.

[966] Oh, wonderful.

[967] How long have you been listening?

[968] Oh, I've been listening since end of 2018.

[969] I got my sister into it.

[970] My sister Morgan.

[971] We were at the Seattle show.

[972] Oh, you were.

[973] Bill Gates?

[974] It was awesome.

[975] Oh, thank you.

[976] So we love you guys.

[977] It was so good.

[978] Oh, I'm so glad you liked it.

[979] Well, great meeting you.

[980] And I hope we can perform for you again someday in the near future.

[981] Oh, yes, please.

[982] We'll be there.

[983] All right.

[984] Bye.

[985] Bye.

[986] All right.

[987] Take care.

[988] Great meeting you.

[989] Thank you.

[990] Bye.

[991] Oh, man. Oh, that was why I loved that story.

[992] Wild cards were wild.

[993] They were.

[994] They lived up to the name.

[995] Yes.

[996] Fun.

[997] That one was just so wholesome.

[998] I loved it.

[999] I could really picture it.

[1000] Me too.

[1001] Minus, I don't understand zip lines.

[1002] I could still really picture it.

[1003] Yeah, you knew there was a dad doing some stuff with some tools.

[1004] So does anyone ever stand and like catch people?

[1005] Well, it depends.

[1006] I've been on them where they're mild and I've been on them where like I think one of these was record setting.

[1007] Yeah, that's so scary.

[1008] So some of them you're kind of.

[1009] coming in hot and they do have this like system that breaks you.

[1010] And then someone's there to stabilize you on the platform as you land.

[1011] Okay.

[1012] The whole time I was staring at the construction of these, my great wonder is how do they tighten the cable?

[1013] Yeah.

[1014] That's the part I'm not like I got the brackets.

[1015] I got the roping it around.

[1016] That's all fine.

[1017] I got the anchoring it to the ground with some kind of a pylon.

[1018] I don't know what mechanism they have.

[1019] There must be some kind of like come along device where you can tighten it.

[1020] But that would be the hard part because those cables are so.

[1021] Heavy.

[1022] Oh, God.

[1023] Invented by the Roebling family.

[1024] So if she doesn't get to the end, Lincoln, how do they get her to the end?

[1025] Yeah, that's where we started.

[1026] Sorry.

[1027] So, yes, many times she came up short and one of the employees would hook themselves from the platform where she was supposed to land, they would go upside down and use their feet to walk on the cable upside down, go to her, grab her, and then use their feet to walk and propel themselves back down.

[1028] Does that make sense?

[1029] They use their feet.

[1030] If you can imagine they're hanging, here's the cable, right?

[1031] Yeah.

[1032] And then I go upside down and I start walking foot over foot.

[1033] It's just a really lubricated ball -bearing trolley you're on.

[1034] So you just are moving.

[1035] And then bringing you back with your feet too.

[1036] Yeah, yeah.

[1037] So then they would grab link and then they would just walk their way back on the cable upside down.

[1038] It was impressive.

[1039] The rescues were cool.

[1040] And they're expected.

[1041] They're normal if you're light.

[1042] Yeah.

[1043] That's like in college for spring.

[1044] break.

[1045] This was the first time I ever threw up from drinking.

[1046] Oh, you made it pretty far.

[1047] I did.

[1048] I know.

[1049] And I was so hung over the next day.

[1050] We were in Gatlinburg.

[1051] That's where you went on Spring break.

[1052] Yes.

[1053] Look at the Civil War sites.

[1054] We stayed in a battle of Texahama.

[1055] We stayed in a cabin.

[1056] Ticumsey.

[1057] In Gatlinburg, a whole group of friends.

[1058] It was so fun.

[1059] But yeah, so the day.

[1060] No wonder you got that pie.

[1061] There's nothing to do.

[1062] I know.

[1063] That was sort of the point.

[1064] We just want a place to go and drink.

[1065] And then the next day I was so hung over, but I still wanted to, like, be with everyone.

[1066] See the battles.

[1067] Yeah.

[1068] And they had not a fair, but sort of, something popping up in the city of Gallenberg.

[1069] So we went and I was so dead.

[1070] Like, I have never felt.

[1071] Did you know enough at that point yet to have a cocktail to settle it?

[1072] No, and I definitely didn't know about electrolytes.

[1073] So that was a big problem.

[1074] I thought I'd like to have known you then.

[1075] Before I talked about electrolytes all the time.

[1076] For Gatorade.

[1077] How dare you.

[1078] I've saved your life one or two times with that advice.

[1079] Anywho, so there was an alpine sled.

[1080] Oh, uh -huh.

[1081] And you know, you race.

[1082] Like, there's like two people.

[1083] So fun.

[1084] Everyone was doing the alpine sled, and I was like, I'll do this, even though I want to kill myself right now.

[1085] Sure.

[1086] So I'm up there, and there's pictures.

[1087] I'm inching.

[1088] down.

[1089] You're not weighing enough.

[1090] I am barely moving.

[1091] I'm with Matt, and he just like zooms down next to me. And everyone is laughing so hard.

[1092] It was so embarrassing.

[1093] You were not laughing too.

[1094] You were embarrassed.

[1095] I was like this day, this life, like what have I done?

[1096] How did I get here?

[1097] How did I get here?

[1098] On this alpine sled that refuses to move.

[1099] It was nuts.

[1100] That was a good wild card story.

[1101] Well, it was just because of...

[1102] It was called, how did I get here?

[1103] That was the prom.

[1104] Tell us about a time where you thought to yourself, how did I get here?

[1105] No, it was just a reminder because Lincoln was too light.

[1106] And at one point I was too late too.

[1107] Yeah.

[1108] It was right on.

[1109] Same story.

[1110] It was same.

[1111] Yeah.

[1112] Same all, same all.

[1113] Anyhow.

[1114] All right.

[1115] Well, I love you.

[1116] Love the cherries.

[1117] What a great session of Wildcard.

[1118] Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[1119] I know a theme song.

[1120] Oh.

[1121] Okay, great.

[1122] We don't have a thing song for this new show.

[1123] So here I go, go.

[1124] go we're going to ask some random questions and with the help of armchair he's will get some suggestions on the flyer rhyme dish on the flyer rhyme dish enjoy follow armchair expert on the wondry app amazon music or wherever you get your podcast you can listen to every episode of armchair expert early and ad free right now by joining wondry plus in the wondry app or on apple podcasts before you go tell us about your by completing a short survey at Wondry .com slash survey.