Camila Cabello

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dan Rather.

[2] I'm joined by Monica Poust.

[3] Hi.

[4] That's your French name.

[5] Ooh, I want to be French.

[6] And people don't know if they should call you Poust or Poust.

[7] Monica Poust?

[8] Is it Monica Poust or Monica Poust?

[9] I, and I'll be very French about it and I'll be very snobby.

[10] You won't answer, right?

[11] Yeah.

[12] Oh, we like it, though.

[13] We love the French.

[14] Yeah, I love the French.

[15] I know.

[16] That's why we love them.

[17] Yeah.

[18] So charming that they have.

[19] They hate us.

[20] Today we have a megastar on Camila Cabello.

[21] This was a party so delightful.

[22] Camila loves armchair expert.

[23] Oh, so flattering.

[24] Oh, it makes it so much more fun interviewing people who know all the background inside jokes and everything.

[25] Yes.

[26] Camila is a Grammy nominated singer and songwriter.

[27] Her albums include Camila, Romance, Familia, and her new album, CXOXO, is out June 28th, but people will already be partying to I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it.

[28] And people might have heard from fact check.

[29] Our fact check.

[30] Yes, we did an Easter egg.

[31] Yeah, my daughters have for whatever reason forbade me to listen to that song.

[32] That cut off apparently in their eyes is somewhere before 49.

[33] What would I, would I say that, north of south of?

[34] I think south of.

[35] I think you're going South, right?

[36] You're going down.

[37] This is like the downhill uphill thing.

[38] So I'm going to say they've decided you have to be north of 49.

[39] I don't know what that actual cutoff is, but for them, I was too old to love.

[40] I love it.

[41] I love it.

[42] Do you think maybe they like had a makeout to the song?

[43] And so the fact that you're singing it is this too much?

[44] Grossing them out.

[45] I don't think so, but that could happen in a few years.

[46] Yeah.

[47] It's coming.

[48] Oh, gross.

[49] This is my like makeout song with my...

[50] My dad's singing it.

[51] I know that I'm realizing my boyfriend looks like my dad gross why do we do this please enjoy our new friend Camila Cabeo he's an up chair expert he's an upcher expert Please excuse my four minute party now Oh my god Hi there, welcome It's so nice to meet you guys I am such a huge fan No way Can I tell you?

[52] Not possible My mom's like, are you excited?

[53] I tell Liz all the time.

[54] Yes, I can believe you because Liz, they're friends.

[55] Oh, you guys are?

[56] Yes.

[57] But you didn't bring your mom to this.

[58] You brought her to call her daddy.

[59] Okay.

[60] Well, I'm sure, that's our fault.

[61] I'm sure we said no one should.

[62] You guys were like, mom.

[63] Yeah.

[64] We like, moms can make vulnerable conversations difficult.

[65] To be honest, and I'm not just saying this, not my mom.

[66] Really?

[67] My mom is very cool.

[68] I have the same one.

[69] Right?

[70] Nice.

[71] I would not want my mom in here.

[72] I wouldn't want my dad to hear most things I talk about.

[73] But my mom is okay.

[74] Guys, you have no, when I tell you.

[75] Tell us, we love hearing it.

[76] Say more.

[77] I know the history of the chair and that you used to sweat and the other one.

[78] Still sweating this one.

[79] Right?

[80] But you can't see it.

[81] Maybe you'll tell us something about us we don't even know about ourselves.

[82] Oh my God, I can't wait.

[83] Oh yeah, I mean, I don't know.

[84] I only know from what I've heard on the episodes.

[85] What do you hold?

[86] Because you were holding something in the other interview I just watched a view.

[87] And I thought it was a vape, but it seems to be a lip moisturizer.

[88] Yeah, it's just some aquifer.

[89] I think I just like holding things.

[90] Yeah.

[91] If you saw my call her daddy one, that was my first interview that I've done in so long.

[92] I was so fucking nervous.

[93] You were.

[94] Yeah.

[95] For this one, I'm so excited because I know the best friend's name.

[96] He's here.

[97] He's here.

[98] Right.

[99] I know all about it.

[100] First of all, you're so stunning.

[101] It's kind of overwhelming.

[102] Oh, my gosh, guys.

[103] Well, I didn't expect you to be so, like, jacked.

[104] Wait, can we stop and pause?

[105] We have to stop and pause.

[106] Okay.

[107] Because Dax says that no. No women noticed that.

[108] And you just proved me 100 % correct.

[109] And if you ever say it again.

[110] No, I'm sure women notice that.

[111] But I'm saying it like, you know how bros will be like, bro, you're so jacked?

[112] I'm saying it in like a bro way.

[113] In the fact that I'm 60 years older than you?

[114] 100%.

[115] I'm literally saying that to you as objectively like I'm growing out.

[116] But that's what I'm saying.

[117] And not even in a sexual way or a romantic way.

[118] He just says women don't notice it.

[119] And they obviously do.

[120] And I say they do.

[121] And he's just never wanting to hear it.

[122] I think also because I listen to the podcast so much, you know how you put a face.

[123] or a physicality to a voice.

[124] And then when I met you guys, I was like, whoa, this is like the real thing.

[125] You know what I mean?

[126] Yeah, 3D.

[127] Totally.

[128] Because features get really blurry on pictures.

[129] Well, I don't think, I don't feel very photogenic.

[130] I used to be when I was one.

[131] When you were a baby.

[132] But then I was most photogenic baby of all time.

[133] Wow, super cute.

[134] How cute is that baby?

[135] Really so cute.

[136] And I felt like such a creep because I recognized that it was baby you instantly.

[137] I was like, is that baby Monica?

[138] I feel like I'm like literally president of the fan club.

[139] I'm not actually.

[140] you know what I'm not going to say it, because it's going to sound like I'm fishing.

[141] I was going to say, I actually don't feel like I'm that photogenic either.

[142] Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[143] And you're afraid people are going to be like, get over yourself.

[144] You're fucking beautiful.

[145] Look, but all things are true.

[146] I know one side of my face looks fucking crazy on pictures.

[147] There's one side of my face where I literally look like a different person.

[148] And one side of my face where I'm like, wow, I look like a supermodel.

[149] Same.

[150] Same.

[151] So I'm curious because it pairs up.

[152] Oh, that's the right one.

[153] Oh, good.

[154] Thank you.

[155] Okay.

[156] So Kristen and I kind of remain in heaven because she has that side.

[157] I have that side.

[158] And when we stand next to each other, it's always the correct side.

[159] It's perfect.

[160] You and I could be bros. I would always have to stand on your right.

[161] Like, if we were looking out that way, I would always be on your right.

[162] You'd be on my left and we'd be golden.

[163] So wait, so you think, like stand up.

[164] So we have the same.

[165] Because this is my good side.

[166] Oh, that's good.

[167] Oh, that's good.

[168] Oh, that's good.

[169] Oh, wow.

[170] How cute.

[171] See?

[172] Yeah.

[173] But the hard part is when it was like the other way.

[174] And we'd have to do like the prom picture.

[175] Yeah.

[176] Because we have the same good side, which happens and you get creative.

[177] Or you just embrace the bad side and you're like, I promise you, I'm cuter than this.

[178] This is me. Okay, no, super self -indulgent, but I feel like it'll be informative.

[179] When did you start listening?

[180] And who turned you on to it?

[181] Because I want to say you were dating Sean when we interviewed him.

[182] Yes, I was.

[183] Okay.

[184] Because I remember we were both such huge fans of the show and he was so nervous beyond the show.

[185] And I was like, I don't feel like I was even ready to be on the show until this point in my life.

[186] Like, I would just sort of been like just too excited.

[187] But I think I've been a pretty long time.

[188] Was there a guest that got you to?

[189] To check it out.

[190] For some reason, the David Sedaris episodes are really, because you guys have like four with him.

[191] Yeah, he's our return.

[192] Yeah, yeah, David Sedaris returns.

[193] But I can't remember, I listen to a lot of the actors that are on the show and David Sedaris.

[194] Okay, now, why were you nervous to be on Call Her Daddy?

[195] Just because it had been a long time since you were interviewed?

[196] Yeah, it had been a long time and I was like, fuck, anything that I haven't talked about, it's all going to come up in this one interview.

[197] Yeah.

[198] Did anything naughty come up that you were like, oh.

[199] Yeah, but I feel like I was okay.

[200] Like, I knew the Sean stuff was going to come out.

[201] I knew the group stuff was going to.

[202] I love that.

[203] I'm just bullet -pointed.

[204] This seems I've really overcome my fear.

[205] Yeah, that's, like, bullet -pointing all the things that I was trying to dodge for, like, two years.

[206] Yeah, exactly.

[207] I just had forgotten how to be public for a bit.

[208] What were you doing?

[209] I was writing and I was working, but I had just stopped going out.

[210] I had just stopped being a public -facing personality.

[211] And it was a conscious decision, right?

[212] Yeah, it was a conscious decision.

[213] I think I just needed to do it for my mental health.

[214] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[215] Now, when I'm talking about it with my therapist and stuff, it's really healthy to be who you are out loud.

[216] And who cares.

[217] And who fucking cares.

[218] Fuck you guys.

[219] Suck it, I'm here.

[220] Yeah, the thing that I, and we just had a guest on, I was bonding with over, Tiffany Haddish, it'll be out by then.

[221] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[222] I think the thing she and I both had, the feels like you have a touch of is, it's a power thing for me. It's a control thing.

[223] Like, I'm not going to let you shame me. So I'm going to be right out in front.

[224] I'm just going to go like, yeah, here it is.

[225] And I'm not ashamed of it.

[226] That is the power move.

[227] I'm not giving you the power to whisper and, oh, she doesn't want to, you know.

[228] It feels way more empowering.

[229] This is extremely timely.

[230] I probably shouldn't say it, but I'm going to.

[231] Is it gossipy?

[232] Yeah.

[233] Well, no, it's not gossipy.

[234] I love some hot gossip, for sure.

[235] So right before I got here, I got some information about a previous guest whose publicist has reached out.

[236] So, there's all these articles about this person that are so ridiculous.

[237] Meaning frivolous?

[238] It's Maya.

[239] Rudolf?

[240] Yes.

[241] Oh, so it's excerpts from the episode that she did.

[242] I don't know what they're saying.

[243] There's something happening, I guess, where they're calling her a nepo baby, and they're referring to this episode.

[244] But there's no reference of nepo baby.

[245] There's nothing.

[246] But also, I feel like it's also kind of a neutral phrase.

[247] Like, if you are a nepo baby, why does it matter?

[248] Then you just are.

[249] Let's add, nepotism cannot get you on to Saturday Night Live for seven years where you score every night.

[250] What the fuck are we talking about?

[251] Exactly.

[252] Nepotism is like the dumb, dumb son running the Fortune 500 company that he inherited.

[253] It's not literally the obvious talent that Maya Rudolph possesses.

[254] Yeah, so I don't know what they're saying because I haven't looked, but it is so annoying that someone decided to grab onto something.

[255] You can't control other people's stupidity and their moods and how they fucking want to react to you.

[256] And don't give them the credit.

[257] Now I'm 27 and I think I'm finally really letting go of what people think of me as just none of my business.

[258] I can only control being me. And like you said, if you're up front about all of your shit, then it's like, well, you can't say it to me first.

[259] It's so hard to get there when you have started really young in the industry.

[260] I still am like, how much should a person be triggered by when I see something that hurts my feelings on the internet?

[261] I don't know if the amount that I get triggered is normal.

[262] So I just delete the shit.

[263] I delete the app.

[264] It is hard to know, right?

[265] I'm writing about my childhood right now.

[266] Are you writing a memoir book?

[267] I am.

[268] Yeah, yeah.

[269] Oh, my God, that's so exciting.

[270] And I'm describing why I had to read out loud and I was stuttering and fucking chores.

[271] and making all these weird noises trying to sound out shit.

[272] And I could see my face.

[273] The freckles, there's too many.

[274] And it just looked like a cloud of fart gas.

[275] It was like yellow freckle gas on my face.

[276] And my teeth were so jacked.

[277] You did like a reading?

[278] I'm talking about the experience of being in class with dyslexia and they call on you to read.

[279] And you're like trying to read the thing.

[280] And you're fucking the whole thing up.

[281] But there's not only that I can like see my face fucking it all up.

[282] And then I'm describing my freckles and my crooked teeth and my huge overbite.

[283] But I'm acknowledging I'm like, I don't know how that was relative to everyone else's experience.

[284] I feel like I trend really self -conscious, like above normal self -consciousness.

[285] Like, even before you were in the public eye?

[286] Yes, like as a kid, I felt the searing self -consciousness.

[287] Like the spotlight effect.

[288] Yes, it fucked me up.

[289] But then I'm also probably like, no, it's probably standard.

[290] Everyone.

[291] We all probably are like panicked half the time.

[292] I think especially if you're sensitive, I find that my favorite people, a lot of the times, for some reason, have some anxiety because it makes them really empathetic and sensitive.

[293] People that are just like, I don't care in the blaze about everything or more likely to be dick sometimes.

[294] A loop.

[295] Monica and I had this little, it wasn't a riff, but she was using an emoji just for a few weeks.

[296] I think she was trying it out.

[297] And it was the emoji with the girl like throwing her hands up.

[298] Oh yeah, I love her.

[299] What does she like conjure?

[300] She's like, I don't know, and she's like, whatever.

[301] After like 20 of these, I told her, I don't like it.

[302] It feels aloof like you're over everything.

[303] It hurt his feelings.

[304] Yeah, that that emoji's like, I don't give a fuck.

[305] And I'm like, I don't really want to interact with someone that's going to.

[306] You want a panic.

[307] Yeah.

[308] It's kind of weird.

[309] It's kind of like you want me to have all...

[310] No. I'm kidding.

[311] Yeah.

[312] I just don't want you to be over everything.

[313] Like, yeah.

[314] Yeah.

[315] That's how sensitive I am.

[316] That an emoji...

[317] I'm super sensitive.

[318] Yeah.

[319] Sometimes it's funny, though, because it depends on what you're...

[320] I wasn't saying it...

[321] You were getting pretty rapid fire with it.

[322] I was.

[323] I was getting...

[324] Oh, fast and loose.

[325] Well, I had to test out all the iterations of it.

[326] Like, are we meeting at 12?

[327] No. I don't fucking know.

[328] We'll see.

[329] Figure it out.

[330] Maybe.

[331] Okay, I was going to ask this question at the very end, but you just said it.

[332] And I'm curious, if you had to choose, you were all powerful.

[333] Would you have started your career when you did?

[334] Or would you start the full ride you took at this age?

[335] You're 27.

[336] In one year from now is when I started my journey.

[337] You were a full person.

[338] One argument I can make is like, you're already post.

[339] You're like seemed to be emotionally and spiritually where I was at at maybe 39, which is kind of cool.

[340] But then, I don't know, what are your thoughts?

[341] I don't think I would have changed when I started because so many parts of my personality today are because of the tools and the skills and some adaptive and some maladaptive.

[342] Oh, I like that word maladaptive.

[343] Mechanisms that I had to develop to survive and thrive.

[344] For example, I'm really into like Buddhism.

[345] That would have never happened because I needed those tools being on stage and being calm and being able to pull through, but also it just carries over to other life stuff where I feel like I'm wiser than I would have been.

[346] Yeah, I don't know how you enter into this huge arousal cycle at like 15, where it's like heightened, heightened, heightened, dopamine.

[347] My nervous system is definitely like, oh, my God.

[348] Right?

[349] Poor baby.

[350] In my much more minimal experiences than you've had, it is a very heightened experience.

[351] And then you get into this, I think, dopamine deficit cycle.

[352] When those highs are gone and normal life resumed, it could feel very low.

[353] I mean, to me, it would be so obvious.

[354] You discovered Buddhism because I got to regulate in some way.

[355] Right.

[356] Or the amount of self -growth podcasts, like armchair expert, that I listen to.

[357] But I listened to so many.

[358] That's a maladaptive one.

[359] Yeah, that's a maladaptive one.

[360] There's some adaptive one.

[361] But I listened to a lot of stuff where maybe other people my age weren't listening to that.

[362] You grew up fast.

[363] I grew up fast.

[364] But then there's been times, for example, COVID.

[365] I learned how to drive and I learned how to drive.

[366] cook and I was just living the most normal life.

[367] I don't want anything salacious to come out of this, but also you were like...

[368] I fucking do.

[369] Okay, you...

[370] I'm just kidding.

[371] I don't look like this town on fire.

[372] I'm a Nepo baby.

[373] Exactly.

[374] You heard it here first.

[375] Nepo baby from Cuba.

[376] Yeah, I don't even know if there's such thing.

[377] You were having a domestic experience, too, during COVID.

[378] Yes.

[379] I became a way more well -rounded adult.

[380] I was like, what do I like to do?

[381] I learned how to fucking ride a bike.

[382] I had never ridden a bike before.

[383] Oh, my goodness.

[384] It was literally, what's that movie that Emma Stone is in?

[385] Oh, yes, poor things.

[386] Oh, poor things.

[387] Yeah, it's like, our Billy Madison, where it's like, what if you went back to fifth grade?

[388] You finally had time to resume ninth grade?

[389] I left in the beginning of 10th grade, so I never had the high school.

[390] My sisters were picking up prom dresses for her now.

[391] Wait, Sophia is that young?

[392] My sister's 17.

[393] You know my sister's name?

[394] Did I just tell you?

[395] No, I know it.

[396] Wow.

[397] Yeah, okay.

[398] There's such fucking legends.

[399] I can't even take it.

[400] I didn't realize there was a 10 -year gap.

[401] Yeah, I know.

[402] So she was born here, obviously, then.

[403] She was born here, and she is living all the reckless teenagehood that I didn't.

[404] And that I still feel like, do I feel jealous?

[405] There were times where I feel like I had bad.

[406] COVID, I feel like I was just going through a rough time.

[407] My OCD was so bad, and I felt like my sister was having the best time.

[408] And I was like, the fact that I'm jealous of, like, 15 -year -old right now is crazy.

[409] But I did miss. I'm always looking for that care -freeness and that return to childhood in a way.

[410] Well, let's start at the beginning.

[411] Okay.

[412] Because it's fun and unique.

[413] Let's start with your dad because I want to know what's happening where a man from Mexico City decides to emigrate to Cuba.

[414] My mom emigrated to Mexico.

[415] That makes sense.

[416] Yeah, when she was in her maybe early 20s, she was kind of let down by the revolution.

[417] My grandparents were a part of it.

[418] And then there started to be the power outages and the lack of food.

[419] And that's when she realized, oh, this is not the promise that they sold us.

[420] And so her and her cousin went to Mexico.

[421] Can I had one fun thing right there?

[422] Yeah.

[423] I went to Cuba right when you were allowed to.

[424] Kristen was shooting there and I took the babies there.

[425] And we had this amazing, I guess maybe like a fixer.

[426] She was like 27 -year -old girl, really fucking brilliant.

[427] grew up there, spent her whole life there.

[428] And she was explaining after the revolution, they assigned people housing.

[429] That was the housing.

[430] They weren't building more housing.

[431] So then you just inherited your housing.

[432] So it's like, if you're great grandparents got a shitty apartment, that's it for the bloodline.

[433] Right.

[434] And the people that got the really nice house, stuff shit, that's what they got.

[435] It's so fascinating.

[436] Trying to comprehend a world where it's like, no, this is the family house, and that's the only house that's ever going to be.

[437] It's curious.

[438] No matter how hard you work or how smart you are or how high up you get, there is a ceiling.

[439] That's it.

[440] That's the house.

[441] That's the car.

[442] Everybody gets.

[443] I can't remember what it was, but it's maybe like four eggs per month or something like that.

[444] There's rations.

[445] And so in the beginning, people started off being like, wow, there's health care for everybody and nobody gets left behind.

[446] No homeless people.

[447] Exactly.

[448] So my mom and her cousin go to Mexico.

[449] Really quick.

[450] Was it easy to leave and go to Mexico?

[451] Because you weren't allowed to leave and go to the U .S., right?

[452] You can leave.

[453] I think it would have been hard to come back or something like that.

[454] I get more and more information as I get older.

[455] Immigrant parents are such liars.

[456] It's crazy.

[457] Yeah, they do lie a lot.

[458] They lie so much, right?

[459] They're like, wow, I didn't know you were fucking married before my dad.

[460] They're crazy.

[461] Oh, my secrets.

[462] Things were different then.

[463] I know, yeah, so many secrets.

[464] So they go to Mexico.

[465] I think my mom was working as, I don't know if she was an architect or a bottle girl.

[466] She was both during her time.

[467] What's that?

[468] But she was trained as an architect in Cuba.

[469] She was trained as an architect in Cuba.

[470] Like, you just bring the bottles to the club.

[471] Oh, like, because my mom was and is hot.

[472] I don't doubt it.

[473] Are she and I the same age?

[474] How old are you?

[475] 49.

[476] No, she's older than you.

[477] She's 54.

[478] I'm in.

[479] You're stacking up a lot of people.

[480] You already have somebody else's mom, too.

[481] I'm an addict.

[482] Do you know that?

[483] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[484] I forget.

[485] Yeah.

[486] Round a month.

[487] Round a month.

[488] Oh, Camilla Mendez.

[489] Yes, whose mom is the airline stewardess.

[490] And she's not too.

[491] Sorry.

[492] I said the wrong words.

[493] people eschewer me. Melamendez.

[494] No, I said airline stewardess.

[495] You can't say that.

[496] Oh, flight attendant.

[497] Flight attendant.

[498] Apologies.

[499] I didn't know that.

[500] But anyway, she meets my dad.

[501] She's a bottle girl at the club.

[502] My dad is a bartender.

[503] So he's a stud because the bartender's always a stod.

[504] Yeah, my dad is a stud.

[505] I have to show you a picture of my dad.

[506] Dave him too.

[507] I'll date him too.

[508] Yeah, yeah.

[509] More, more, more, more.

[510] The disease is more.

[511] So they start dating after maybe seven months of being friends.

[512] And my mom in Mexico, she stayed with a family, friend from Cuba, but I'm really proud that I feel like I come from a family of fucking hustlers.

[513] My mom didn't have her period for like eight months because at one point she was living on Diet Coke and chips for like days and days.

[514] And I love this story about my parents.

[515] My dad while they were dating, he had this watch and he like sold his watch to get her like a bunch of groceries in the fridge.

[516] This was actually before they were dating.

[517] So he just did this as a friend.

[518] Oh, good friend.

[519] So he was always like.

[520] He's a stud and a good guy.

[521] Yeah, good guy, good guy.

[522] So he was always taking care of her.

[523] And so then.

[524] Then she got pregnant with me, I think maybe like in the first year that they were dating.

[525] No judgment.

[526] I didn't mean that with judgment.

[527] Within the first year.

[528] And so then my dad traveled from Mexico to Cuba with me. So you were born in Mexico?

[529] No, I was born in Cuba.

[530] Sorry.

[531] Yeah, I skipped some chapters.

[532] But yeah, they would go from Cuba to Mexico.

[533] I went to school in Mexico too.

[534] And then mom takes you when you're six to Miami, Florida, under the false pretense that you're going to Disney World.

[535] Exactly.

[536] What?

[537] More lies.

[538] How long did it take before you actually went to Disney World?

[539] A year.

[540] A year.

[541] That's not terrible.

[542] Although when you're six, that's 20 % of your life.

[543] Yeah, I'm like, when is it?

[544] Wait, so she takes you there.

[545] What happened?

[546] Because the mom's a hustler, so the mom's in Cuba.

[547] She's like, fuck this, let's go check out Mexico City.

[548] Still not good enough for me. Let's go to Miami.

[549] Yeah, she was just like, this ain't it.

[550] But yeah, I think she was just like, I want to go to the fucking United States.

[551] Yes, of course, yeah.

[552] The land of hustlers.

[553] The land of hustlers.

[554] Let's get it done.

[555] Exactly.

[556] And you go and you end up staying with grandfather's colleague friend, and you live with her who becomes godmother.

[557] Yes, wow, my goodness.

[558] My Lord.

[559] He done did a deep dive on the fan.

[560] So we stayed there for a month in a room in her house, and my dad had not yet.

[561] 18 months for him.

[562] He's got to wait a year and a half.

[563] Oh, because of a visa situation?

[564] Bitch, I don't know.

[565] I really hurt so much.

[566] It's hard to him.

[567] You'll find out in 15 years.

[568] Exactly, yeah.

[569] She'll tell me at some point.

[570] Not even.

[571] It will just come out through somebody else asking her.

[572] So then she started working at Marshalls and started going like night school, taking English classes, and we got our own apartment.

[573] And then a year later, I had this little Disney calendar where I would cross the X's until when my dad would come.

[574] And my dad told me this.

[575] He was like, when I first got there, you wouldn't talk.

[576] Like, you were so shy.

[577] I feel like this is such a kid thing to happen.

[578] You're like, I'm so excited to see my dad.

[579] I'm so excited to see my dad.

[580] And then my dad came and I didn't know how to talk to him because it had been so long.

[581] Yeah.

[582] Because you're right.

[583] At that age, one year.

[584] year is one seventh of your life yeah and it was a year and a half of my facts are right so we're talking like a fifth of your life i wonder if something more happened did you happen to listen to the gabor mate episode yes i probably did and i fucking love gabor mate see like if i hadn't started in this industry at 15 would not know gabor no way exactly there's no way i was 48 when i learned of i needed him i fucking needed him but he tells the story of having been separated to evade Nancy capture, then reunited with his mom.

[585] And then even as like a one and a half year old child, was icing out mom as this protective thing of, I'm not going to trust you again because you're going to go.

[586] I'm not going to go through that again.

[587] So I do wonder, even if it was like excitement, excitement, excitement, he's here.

[588] Oh, my God, can I trust myself to reattach?

[589] Exactly.

[590] Or is he going to bounce?

[591] And I feel like there's probably so many ways in which immigrant kids carry that stuff in our bodies when we're older, that instability.

[592] It gets passed down.

[593] I just had therapy about this because I was home.

[594] I mean home.

[595] I was with my parents recently.

[596] And the last day of the trip, I was so anxious.

[597] I was like, what's going on?

[598] Why am I so anxious?

[599] And I get anxious around them a lot.

[600] But I was talking to my therapist and I was like, I guess I feel like how are they surviving?

[601] Like, are they okay?

[602] They're in this world of white people.

[603] I mean, it's just deep.

[604] I'm not thinking that consciously that they're in this world of white people.

[605] It's just a feeling.

[606] It's just a feeling.

[607] And my dad was like, well, what do we do about the ballet?

[608] Where do we park?

[609] And I was like, it's, what?

[610] It's like, it's fine.

[611] It's like, it's fine.

[612] It's like, what do you mean?

[613] What?

[614] It's fine.

[615] Why is this so stressful?

[616] And then I was realizing, well, I need to say that to myself.

[617] Why is this so stressful for me?

[618] Yeah.

[619] And it's because every time they don't know what's going on, I feel like they're going to die.

[620] Like, how can they survive in this country?

[621] Like they're exposing themselves as being other when they don't understand these.

[622] Yeah.

[623] And it has nothing to do with that.

[624] But I take.

[625] everything like that.

[626] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[627] You carry so much of that as well, I assume.

[628] Yeah.

[629] Now, and I'm not trying to make you cry, but I think when you're 27, I'm assuming you don't have a terribly clear memory of being separated for that year and a half, but it's part of your story and it's like, oh, yeah, it's just a piece of your story.

[630] But I can tell you as someone who has an 8 -year -old and an 11 -year -old, if they hadn't seen me at 6 for a year and a half, it would have a big effect on them, especially if you're a daddy's girl.

[631] I'm such a daddy's girl.

[632] Then, yeah, it had to be a very disruptive bit of time.

[633] It's crazy because I think my brain is like anything that feels emotionally traumatic, I just black it out.

[634] I don't remember some chunks of my life, to be honest.

[635] We just had a memory person on and he was talking about that.

[636] Does that happen?

[637] Yeah, and there's some conscious choosing of what you keep at the forefront.

[638] My brain is so excellent at that.

[639] Similarly, we learn, which is so fascinating, is your memories are altered by what perspective your currently in when you look back on the memory.

[640] So if you're sad, you're going to kind of more dial into those.

[641] If you're happy, you'll remember more happy.

[642] It's as subjective as the conscious experiences, of course.

[643] So yeah, it's hard to really know what the actual truth is.

[644] Which is so relieving, actually.

[645] I definitely had the habit of going back and trying to just figure out, not from childhood, but adolescence, what was right and what was wrong.

[646] And there's like something so freeing about being like, I don't fucking know.

[647] I'm never going to be able to objectively assess it all.

[648] It like always brings you back to there's no choice but to just fucking be present.

[649] When your memories start, mine start in second grade, if I'm being honest.

[650] I have little glimpses, but from probably second grade out and I have a pretty good picture.

[651] I have some sensory little sparks of things.

[652] Our house in Cuba or certain smells will be like, whoa, I really remember this.

[653] But I feel like the first visual memory is first grade when it was like the first time I liked a boy.

[654] And I remember seeing him.

[655] And I remember exactly what this little boy's face looks like.

[656] But again, look it.

[657] I mean, it's so fucking basic too.

[658] It's like, You miss dad.

[659] You miss the male attention or the malness.

[660] And then at first grade already, you're like, oh, boy energy.

[661] Yes.

[662] I always, in any guy that I am pursuing, if they have any dad -like qualities, somebody like my dad, I'm in love with them.

[663] Like, I'm always looking for somebody like my dad.

[664] But I also think he's the best person.

[665] I remember, I think you had Gwynethon, and she always talks about how she was like in love with her dad.

[666] I'm just like, I want a man exactly like my dad.

[667] Yeah.

[668] Maybe not exactly, but...

[669] Sure, the 2 .0 version of dad.

[670] Yeah, 2 .0 version.

[671] Yeah.

[672] You know, it's funny.

[673] I know exactly what you're talking about, and I know the exact sentence because I happened to be behind her on an airplane randomly coming home from Nashville on Easter.

[674] And she was directly in front of me, and I leaned over, I was chatting with her.

[675] And I said, when you said, everyone has a father, but if you're lucky, you get a daddy.

[676] I remember that.

[677] And it wasn't here, she said that.

[678] I have to be...

[679] It wasn't here.

[680] Right.

[681] She said it on Stern, and then we talked about it on her army.

[682] But I remember you talked about it on here.

[683] Yeah, and as I'm saying, Daddy, I'm fucking crying.

[684] And I'm sitting next to my nine -year -old while I'm saying it.

[685] But yes, I couldn't agree more.

[686] Same.

[687] Love everyone that was like my mom.

[688] Anyone that was like my mom, I dated for a very long time.

[689] Yeah.

[690] I've definitely dated guys like that, for sure.

[691] Okay, so you're a boy crazy from first grade.

[692] Yeah.

[693] And then when do you start singing?

[694] When do you know that you have a good voice?

[695] What pocket of Miami are you in?

[696] Are you in a very Latin -heavy area?

[697] Are you feeling that Miami vibe?

[698] We moved around, but we moved into this apartment complex.

[699] And the first friend that I ever made in the United States was because we had this boombox and I would bring CDs and we would just listen to music and then we pretended we were in a girl group.

[700] Like my first friends that I made were always because of singing in music.

[701] So anytime somebody asked me, when did you start singing?

[702] I can't pinpoint music was my number one joy.

[703] When is the moment that either your parent or someone you admire says, oh, you're actually good at me. Yes.

[704] When you go from like, I sing because I like it and I'm happy, to, wait, I actually have this skill.

[705] I think my friends, when I was in elementary school, I remember high school musical had come out, and I would bring my high school musical CD, and I would try to hit the high notes, and my friends would be like, wow, that was like really good.

[706] Yeah.

[707] And I don't know if you had this experience, but singing was like its own form of power currency in elementary school.

[708] Like, I feel like everybody wanted to be a singer.

[709] Everybody wanted to be on the fucking Disney Channel.

[710] You guys are also kind of close to the source of the fire.

[711] They're doing a lot of that shit.

[712] in Orlando.

[713] I'm sorry.

[714] That's so good.

[715] I know.

[716] We always feel perverted telling you the name of it, but that is a cream top.

[717] Wow.

[718] Yeah.

[719] This is a cream fucking top.

[720] I enjoy it.

[721] I don't know what it's working.

[722] They can't sew them fast enough.

[723] How do we get from elementary, wow, I can hit the high notes.

[724] Oh, everyone's kind of into this.

[725] Oh, this is cool.

[726] I got a superpower to auditioning for X Factor.

[727] Yeah.

[728] Even when I was like in ninth grade and when I was in middle school, I just wasn't going out and hanging out with people and partying.

[729] My summers were going on YouTube, looking up the instrumentals of songs, and singing.

[730] I got more and more obsessed.

[731] This is what I like to do more than anything.

[732] And I was a really big pop culture fan.

[733] Even when I was little, I had a Justin Bieber phase.

[734] I had a One Direction phase.

[735] I had a Taylor Swift phase.

[736] Some of these phases are ongoing.

[737] I was about to stay.

[738] I was going to say earmarked Taylor Swift because it's crazy to have a phase and then open for her.

[739] Exactly.

[740] Yeah, yeah.

[741] Oh, my God.

[742] I know.

[743] Yeah, that was fucking crazy.

[744] There have been so many moments.

[745] that have been like that for me, where I'm just like, I just can't.

[746] Do you have a hard time internalizing them when they're happening?

[747] Yeah, and sometimes I feel like I can't.

[748] I bet you guys feel like this.

[749] Like, if your favorite person in the world is sitting right in front of you on this couch.

[750] Camila, for me. Sure.

[751] Yeah, whatever.

[752] I can be honest.

[753] But you know what I mean?

[754] Like, you can't be honest.

[755] What'd you say?

[756] I said Matt Damon.

[757] I can be honest.

[758] Right.

[759] If Matt Damon is here, you're not going to watch like five Matt Damon movies the night before because you can't.

[760] You'd explode.

[761] I just did Coachella with Lana.

[762] Yes.

[763] I've been telling people.

[764] Oh, I haven't been telling people.

[765] I told one person.

[766] Tell us.

[767] Tell us.

[768] I've been telling person.

[769] I've been telling many people.

[770] I had to not listen to her music for like four days because I can't be a fan.

[771] Yeah.

[772] Yes.

[773] Being a fan is tricky.

[774] Problematic for performance.

[775] It is.

[776] Yeah, I had to do that with the Letterman.

[777] I had to do 10 days with my therapist of going life.

[778] I love the 10 days with your therapist.

[779] That is so real.

[780] Yeah, like I got to walk in there as for this 90 minutes as a peer.

[781] But sometimes I try to, and this is the Buddhism thing is right now, I just have.

[782] a moment where I was like, wow, really fucking take this in.

[783] You've been listening to this podcast, and now you know what the inside of this room looks like.

[784] Nobody really, like, you guys don't take pictures in this room.

[785] Well, we do for the social, but you obviously, I'm still the biggest fan.

[786] You know, obviously don't follow us on Instagram.

[787] I actually do.

[788] I've never seen this room in here, though.

[789] It's really such a nice vibe.

[790] I love it here.

[791] I, like, don't want to leave.

[792] You chose to not wear headphones.

[793] Explain that to me. I feel like I'm a little bit of a sensory overload person.

[794] Yeah, I could see that.

[795] You can see that, right?

[796] I have not let go of this chapstick.

[797] I know.

[798] I kind of want you to vape.

[799] I mean, I don't want it for your help.

[800] My dad vapes.

[801] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, because she's having it.

[802] It's fun.

[803] I know.

[804] Like, if I started hearing my baby, like, I would just.

[805] Monica's so embarrassed for her dad right now.

[806] I love it.

[807] My dad.

[808] Wait, wait, what?

[809] I miss this thing.

[810] I was like, yeah, because that's fun.

[811] And she looked at me like, Dad, stop trying to act young.

[812] Then I recognize, oh, I'm embarrassing, Monica, which can be a very fun thing.

[813] For you.

[814] And I started leaning into it.

[815] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[816] So you vape.

[817] I did.

[818] forever.

[819] I was a smoker.

[820] I haven't smoked for 19 years.

[821] And then in COVID, best friend Aaron Weekly was visiting.

[822] Aaron Weekly.

[823] Shout out Aaron Weekly.

[824] Boom.

[825] He was smoking darts, blowing camels up on a vacation.

[826] And it was the first time I ever wanted to went and I was like, well, I can't smoke.

[827] And then her friend Matt had vape.

[828] Mom, I'll do that for a week.

[829] Cut to a year and a half later.

[830] I had to quit that.

[831] Well, I haven't for a while, though.

[832] My dad does it because it just really calms him down.

[833] Does it really calm you down?

[834] Yeah.

[835] I can't tell if I have an addictive personality or not.

[836] Well, I want to get into that.

[837] I think I do have an addictive personality, but I think because I started so young and X -Factor and whatever, I think I have a very, like, military discipline.

[838] I'm very disciplined.

[839] So I smoked a cigarette in Paris, and I fucking loved it.

[840] Sure.

[841] It's the perfect place to smoke.

[842] It tasted so good with the espresso, and like, because of that, I was like, I can't do this every now and then.

[843] Stay tuned for more of a firemanier expert, if you dare.

[844] I keep interrupting you.

[845] I really want to apologize, but I'm very excited.

[846] I'm very excited.

[847] First of all, I'm Cuban.

[848] Okay.

[849] It's all interrupting.

[850] You spit it.

[851] Yeah.

[852] Like just.

[853] So my daughters were making fun of me yesterday.

[854] Okay.

[855] Because I told them I was interviewing you because I knew they would be excited and I was trying to steal your cultural capital to make them like me. As you should.

[856] And I was, I was pronouncing Camila a little off.

[857] And then on the same day, this is yesterday.

[858] My one daughter said, how do you say that work?

[859] Because on the radio, there's a song called espresso by.

[860] Oh, Sabrina Carpenter.

[861] Sabrina Carpenter.

[862] Think about me. And then my daughter said, pronounce that word, and I said espresso.

[863] And she said, but do people say espresso?

[864] And I said, yeah, people say espresso.

[865] People like me say espresso.

[866] Oh, interesting.

[867] Even though it's wrong.

[868] And so the joke yesterday was they told me I should say, would you like an espresso so I can fuck up both things at once?

[869] Right.

[870] Expresso Camilla.

[871] Yes.

[872] And you just said you were drinking espresso.

[873] And I just thought that's impossible.

[874] You, on your own brought up espresso.

[875] When they told me, I had to say to you an exquisite.

[876] That's so wrong.

[877] Sim.

[878] That's a co -winkie.

[879] That was a zap to my brain.

[880] Whoa.

[881] Now, so you smoked that one cigarette and then were you inclined to do it again when you got home?

[882] I always do.

[883] I miss cigarettes.

[884] You do.

[885] Like, I'm a smoker and I never, never have.

[886] But here's what I would say that's kind of parallel with the addiction and the OCD is you're spending your summer as a kid in your room listening to YouTube.

[887] You fucking busted me. Right.

[888] Also, I think we're a parallel's addiction is like, you did that once.

[889] It gave you a feeling.

[890] Yeah.

[891] You're right.

[892] My therapist would say we actually don't even call it OCD.

[893] We call it obsessionality.

[894] Oh, okay.

[895] That's fun.

[896] Because why?

[897] I don't even know.

[898] I think something about OCD, just that.

[899] Oh, because it has disorder.

[900] Yeah, it's triggering for me for some reason.

[901] Just you have an obsessive nature.

[902] I have an obsessive nature.

[903] Which is a superpower.

[904] It really is.

[905] You've got to learn to wield that sword.

[906] 100 %.

[907] 100 p. Yeah, you're right.

[908] Part of me is like, stop trying to euphemize everything.

[909] But at the same time...

[910] What does euphemize mean again?

[911] It means like make it sound better than it is.

[912] Yeah.

[913] She had a strong smell.

[914] She smelled like shit.

[915] Yeah, but that's a euphemism.

[916] Okay.

[917] That, you should use the euphemism if someone smells like shit.

[918] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[919] Well, if she's in the room.

[920] Yeah.

[921] But she's not in the room.

[922] You can say she smells like shit.

[923] I guess, I guess.

[924] Yes.

[925] We can be honest amongst ourselves.

[926] Yeah, amongst ourselves for sure.

[927] But I don't know that we need to euphemize every single thing.

[928] And it is weird to call OCD a disorder because it's a personality type and it's super beneficial.

[929] And I also think there are some things that don't fit into neatly labeled boxes.

[930] Like sometimes it is just you're being obsessive.

[931] It's not necessarily obsessive, compulsive death longer.

[932] Yeah, because then it's placebo effect and you start giving yourself symptoms that you didn't even have.

[933] But when I was younger, I definitely did have fucking textbooks.

[934] Did you have tics?

[935] Yes.

[936] Hug my parents for 11 seconds or else they'll die.

[937] Oh.

[938] Yeah.

[939] Pray to God, then kiss your fingers three times or else you'll have cancer.

[940] Like all of that.

[941] Just adorable stuff.

[942] Yeah, why do we do that?

[943] I had one time where I was in seventh grade I got my period.

[944] Then I didn't have it for a year, and I thought I was the Virgin Mary.

[945] Oh, my God, wonderful.

[946] No wonder you and Liz are friends.

[947] Yeah, that's so Liz.

[948] And then it was the whole neurosis, but I would just like pray every night for God to take away the new Jesus Christ that was being born in me. Oh, you didn't want to be the new Virgin Mary.

[949] No, no, I was like, no one wants that.

[950] It's time consuming motherhood.

[951] It's too much responsibility.

[952] Too much for a seventh grader.

[953] You've got a guide this.

[954] Messiah.

[955] Messiah.

[956] No, totally.

[957] Not me, God, please.

[958] Yeah, it's like, I'm stressed out because I think my kids have the potential to be good singers.

[959] I hope we get them there.

[960] Or writers, but not the Messiah.

[961] Oh, wait, I have a question for you.

[962] Yeah.

[963] So my mom is like, I really hope my sister isn't in the industry.

[964] Are you like, I hope they're not.

[965] Or are you like, no, I hope they are because they'll have somebody great to guide them.

[966] Well, what I think is I don't want them to do it as children.

[967] It's really important.

[968] Yeah.

[969] I just want them to have stuff to draw on.

[970] I want them to fuck around in New York for two years without thinking about people or looking at them.

[971] Like if they're going to be filming them.

[972] Fuck up pretty big time.

[973] No, fuck up.

[974] I just started giving myself permission to fuck up literally a year and a half ago.

[975] Right.

[976] Before that, it was like every mistake I made, I would just punish myself.

[977] I was so hard on myself.

[978] Well, the world was watching you.

[979] It wasn't even in your head.

[980] It was a reality.

[981] But so I would like them to have childhoods, but I do have a lot of friends that don't want their kids to go into it even as adults.

[982] And I'm like, I'm sorry, I washed cars for fucking 16 years.

[983] What job do you think is more pleasant?

[984] You what for 16 years?

[985] I know your father and I have this in common.

[986] I washed cars.

[987] I detailed cars from 14.

[988] I guess I just exaggerated.

[989] 14 to 28.

[990] So 14 years, I watched tens of thousands of cars.

[991] Right, because this is so cute, Monica.

[992] The mom who had been trained as an architect who came to America and worked up Marshals ended up taking a job working in an architect firm because she knew AutoCAD.

[993] She taught herself AutoCat.

[994] And then the dad and the mom formed a construction company named after the little girls.

[995] Yeah.

[996] And then had a family business construction company.

[997] Oh, my God.

[998] That's incredible.

[999] And I think this is also like an immigrant parent.

[1000] Even now, my mom cannot fucking sit still.

[1001] Yes.

[1002] She just has to always like going.

[1003] But wait, talking about the industry, I agree with you.

[1004] Like, go say words in front of a camera and hang with a bunch of creative people.

[1005] How could that not be great?

[1006] I feel really lucky that I've held on to the sacredness of what made me get here.

[1007] I love music and art so much.

[1008] If anything, I love it more and more, the more I'm exposed to things.

[1009] I watch an amazing movie or I read an amazing book or I listen to an amazing album.

[1010] And sometimes it's frustrating because I do feel like there's a big difference between like commerce and art. Actually, by the way, you know what?

[1011] Let me go back.

[1012] I'm not trying to sound like a pretentious dick, douchebag.

[1013] Yeah.

[1014] But I'm saying it's different.

[1015] And doing something that you love for work has its own trickery because you find yourself being like, well, I want to succeed in the business sense.

[1016] But at the same time, I never want to lose the childlike integrity of why I do things.

[1017] Don't you think you're dancing with the devil?

[1018] And that what you don't want to do is make your art service the commerce because you're afraid that it'll no longer be art. That's what I'm trying to say.

[1019] I'm not trying to sound like I'm fucking.

[1020] like Michael Angelo.

[1021] You should want the success, but you're trying to prevent yourself from letting it guide your artistic output.

[1022] It's hard.

[1023] I've done that for 95 % of my career, which is really good.

[1024] That's a huge.

[1025] It's a really good batting average.

[1026] And I feel like now, for example, in this last album, 100%.

[1027] I never ever did anything that I'm not obsessed with.

[1028] I love it, I love it, I love it.

[1029] That's the song.

[1030] I figured.

[1031] You knew that.

[1032] So young, Monica.

[1033] Watch out.

[1034] I'm younger than you right now.

[1035] Take a hit of your vape after you.

[1036] I am really delighted to hear you say that because I do think what could happen starting at 15 and it being professional since 15 is you could kind of be like an Olympian where you fall in love with a sport and then the sport becomes everything and then you don't enjoy doing the sport anymore.

[1037] No, there can be something fun to the competitive aspect of it too.

[1038] For sure.

[1039] But sometimes I feel it in myself and I'm like the competitive thing has to take a back seat and you have to get back to joy.

[1040] Again, that's another thing.

[1041] I don't think it's black and white.

[1042] I don't think it's like, don't be competitive or not.

[1043] It's like, what's the ratio that you don't feel sick about yourself or disappointed?

[1044] And it's constant, I love this meditation that I did once where it's like life is like riding a bike and you're constantly microbalancing.

[1045] Yeah.

[1046] Like you're constantly like, ooh, a little more weight here, just tiny adjustments.

[1047] Did you do the meditation after COVID when you learned to ride a bike?

[1048] Before that, that would have been very confused.

[1049] It would have been a bad metaphor.

[1050] What are they talking about?

[1051] I thought it was all about pedaling.

[1052] I think the zone is like.

[1053] Like, I want to win, but I'm not rooting for someone to fail.

[1054] That's like the line.

[1055] I'm not actually seeking someone to fail, but I am seeking to win.

[1056] And I think that's something we don't practice a lot in our culture.

[1057] Like, anytime I catch myself feeling jealous of someone, I did this last night, I practiced genuinely trying to find the space where I feel happy for them.

[1058] Who are you jealous of?

[1059] Because that's really hard to believe.

[1060] I'll list some of people I'm jealous of it.

[1061] Okay, go.

[1062] Vince Vaughn still, to this day.

[1063] I get jealous whenever I feel like they're having their moment and I want to fucking have my mom.

[1064] Well, like, how could you be a performer and not be jealous of Taylor Swift?

[1065] Taylor is a little different, though, because Vince Fonda's, your contemporary.

[1066] Taylor, I don't feel like is like my contemporary.

[1067] She was, like, before me. That makes sense.

[1068] It'd be like me being jealous of Bill Murray.

[1069] Right.

[1070] That's probably a good reference for you.

[1071] No, like, obviously, he's the goat.

[1072] Not going to be jealous of him.

[1073] And he's 15 years ahead of me or whatever.

[1074] It's more like your contemporaries where you're like, fuck, I want what she's having.

[1075] Yeah.

[1076] I do think there is a competitive drive that is important and fun.

[1077] It's like why I love sports documentary.

[1078] He's like, I love Kobe Bryant, Mews.

[1079] This is telling of you.

[1080] It really is.

[1081] That informed a lot of my teenage years.

[1082] Do you harness Black Mamba?

[1083] I did, for sure.

[1084] I really did.

[1085] You know what that means, Monica?

[1086] No. So he was beloved.

[1087] Then he had legal troubles, accused of rape.

[1088] It needs to be said he was not convicted of that for this conversation.

[1089] But everywhere he went, people started booing him.

[1090] And it was like a huge 180 of his experience.

[1091] And at some point, it was like either going to kill him or he said, do you know what?

[1092] Now I'm Black Mamba.

[1093] Fuck it.

[1094] Let's go.

[1095] And he actually thrived on.

[1096] going into Denver and having them boo and be like, I'm going to shut these motherfuckers out.

[1097] I think Beyonce has a similar thing where I've heard her say, not personally, to me. She said when she's angry, it makes her a better performer, makes for a better show, which is maybe maladaptive.

[1098] I would argue it's adaptive.

[1099] I think it's adaptive.

[1100] There's a positive outcome out of something negative.

[1101] That's adaptive.

[1102] I think you're right.

[1103] If you turn something good into a negative, that feels mad.

[1104] But there is a very powerful energy behind anger or sadness or rage, and it's huge.

[1105] Yes, there's like, sexual and then there's justice in revenge and they're huge yes you know what there's times where i remember this performance that i did singing to my dad the first man performance i will say i think love is a huge energy source i remember being like fuck whoever's in these first few rows this is for my family and that shit my hand was so steady because that energy is so strong but that's adaptive we all do it we all use like anger and revenge we can use it positively i do think that would technically fall in a maladaptive category.

[1106] I think the Black Mamba stuff was more in my teenage years when I was struggling a little bit more.

[1107] The group stuff was hard.

[1108] Everything was hard.

[1109] I felt misunderstood sometimes.

[1110] Like, it was just all fucking hard.

[1111] And that was my way of releasing that, was harnessing that.

[1112] But now I don't draw from that place as much.

[1113] Yeah, you're right.

[1114] Again, everything's in moderation.

[1115] I do hear a lot of people tell their story.

[1116] And so many people's story involves, they told me I would never blank.

[1117] And I'm like, who?

[1118] It's like 80 % of people's stories like, they told me I would never.

[1119] But who's they?

[1120] I think a lot of people invent the they that told them they couldn't do it.

[1121] I think that they is actually, themselves were terrified they couldn't do it.

[1122] And others is this kind of fictitious they that said they couldn't do it.

[1123] I find myself doing that sometimes.

[1124] And then I remind myself, it's never as personal as you think it is.

[1125] Exactly.

[1126] And it's like maybe they just didn't see it because they weren't seeing it that particular Monday.

[1127] But you're giving so much energy to that.

[1128] They just went and had breakfast after that.

[1129] It's just never that personal.

[1130] Yeah.

[1131] So, okay, you go to X Factor, you go through the process.

[1132] They don't air your thing, which is interesting.

[1133] They couldn't get the rights for respect.

[1134] You sang Aretha Franklin's respect.

[1135] What a swing for the fences.

[1136] Oh, my God.

[1137] Well, I made it the poppy version.

[1138] Okay, go ahead and sing it for me now.

[1139] I don't mind if you do.

[1140] That's all I'll do because I haven't fucking warmed up.

[1141] You're supposed to then go, uh.

[1142] Definitely not a choice I would have made now.

[1143] I was fucking bold as hell.

[1144] Yeah, I love it.

[1145] Jesus Christ.

[1146] I just was like, nobody's going to sing this song.

[1147] Yeah.

[1148] In this way.

[1149] When they didn't air my audition, that started building my underdog story for sure.

[1150] I was like, they didn't believe in me. Sure.

[1151] Now come to find out like six years later, no, they just didn't have the rights.

[1152] They can't afford the rights to respect.

[1153] Yeah, like it wasn't personal bitch.

[1154] So they didn't air her going through the audition process, but you go to boot camp and then you get bounced out of boot camp.

[1155] Your story ends on X Factor at boot camp, but then they bring you back.

[1156] And they bring you back with four other people.

[1157] Yep.

[1158] Monica, I did not know this story until today.

[1159] They bring her back with four other people randomly paired and they perform together.

[1160] Okay.

[1161] And that becomes Fifth Harmony.

[1162] Whoa.

[1163] The random group?

[1164] Yeah.

[1165] Did you think we knew each other before?

[1166] I assume that with all of these groups and it's never that way.

[1167] Like Spice Girls was placed together.

[1168] And even more and more now with the K -pop groups and stuff.

[1169] It's such a fascinating dynamic.

[1170] It's fascinating.

[1171] that because if you look at all the great bands that historically have existed, it's like two or three of them all went to height, like you look at Led Zeppelin, people knew each other, chili peppers, they're best friends and they perform a band.

[1172] But in the band, everybody had their role.

[1173] There wasn't like five lead singers.

[1174] That's another insane dynamic.

[1175] Yeah, five lead guitar players.

[1176] I think that's probably why those bands were more sustainable.

[1177] Durable, yeah.

[1178] So you were 15.

[1179] What were the age of the other four?

[1180] I believe it was 15, 15 a few months younger, maybe like, 16, 17, and 20.

[1181] So it's not like you were 15 and they were all 18.

[1182] So it was a little smattering of ages.

[1183] You were older than one person and then three were older than you.

[1184] Yep.

[1185] Also, it's a unique moment to fuse you guys because you have all just, I hate to use the word, failed.

[1186] But you guys all came there with a dream and then that was shut down.

[1187] And then now this is this weird second chance.

[1188] And so I would imagine that's an interesting dynamic.

[1189] I was such a big One Direction fan that I was kind of like, whoa, this is crazy.

[1190] I'm living this reality.

[1191] So were you immediately kind of embracing of it?

[1192] Oh, I was immediately embracing of it.

[1193] I was like, this shit is fire.

[1194] In elementary school, I always pretended to be in girl groups with my friends.

[1195] Right.

[1196] I was like literally in four girl groups, but four, fifth, harmony, made of like seven -year -olds.

[1197] But out of five people, there's no way all five had that same.

[1198] No, no, no, no, no. All right, and we don't have to name any names.

[1199] I have no, no, no, no, no, no, there was definitely reactions for sure, understandably.

[1200] I mean, I think I was lucky.

[1201] I was already a One Direction fan.

[1202] I was just crushed that I wasn't going to keep going.

[1203] This was the closest proximity I had to actually doing this.

[1204] In your mind, this was the one shot you'll ever have in your life.

[1205] Yeah, so I was like, I'm going home now.

[1206] Hell no. I'll be fucking janitor here if you want me to.

[1207] I was just happy to be back.

[1208] And also, to be honest, the One Direction thing, I was like, wow, this is so sick.

[1209] So I was really happy.

[1210] And then you obviously, you guys hit the chemistry lottery in that as a group.

[1211] It immediately works.

[1212] That's also one in a million.

[1213] It really is.

[1214] And even seeing stuff, because there was like, a brief moment on TikTok, I guess, where there was a bunch of videos of us coming back.

[1215] And I was like, wow, yeah, I could see how, as a fan, it's really interesting to see like five totally different personalities.

[1216] It's a crazy social experiment.

[1217] It is.

[1218] Yeah, it's like Big Brother or something.

[1219] Yeah, it was definitely not boring.

[1220] How immediate was it?

[1221] I should I put these on or no?

[1222] What's the only if you like?

[1223] Hello?

[1224] Do you like it?

[1225] I actually really like it.

[1226] Well, you know why I was going to say you might?

[1227] Because it actually limits the amount of stimuli.

[1228] No, I actually really like it.

[1229] Yeah.

[1230] Does that sound good your voice sounds?

[1231] It's like making me want to talk more.

[1232] Same, same, same.

[1233] How immediate is that first performance on X Factor to you guys have songs in your touring?

[1234] Shit, you're really making me draw on the memory bank.

[1235] This is where I definitely have some gaps here, but we went right into it.

[1236] We were non -stop working for like five years.

[1237] I think we maybe had 15 days for Christmas break every year.

[1238] And besides that, we was working.

[1239] I think right from X Factor.

[1240] Yeah, that's 2012.

[1241] And then by 2013, you have an album.

[1242] We went right into the studio.

[1243] And how big are the shows you guys were playing at that time?

[1244] We were, like, in malls.

[1245] Oh, yes.

[1246] What was that like?

[1247] Was it fun or humbling?

[1248] There are some hilarious memes now.

[1249] Oh, people who saw you like at Sears.

[1250] Yeah, literally just giving our all with fucking forever 21 in the background.

[1251] Sunglass, a mobile kiosk behind you.

[1252] Yeah, literally.

[1253] What did it grow to, though, the size of the venues you were playing?

[1254] Some arenas.

[1255] And everyone's parents are with them during these tours?

[1256] When we were minors, there was all parents.

[1257] And then there was a point where there was like two parents.

[1258] rents at a time.

[1259] It was capped.

[1260] It was capped.

[1261] Probably for fucking budget reasons.

[1262] Like just hotel rooms.

[1263] At any point did you start getting, I think it would be insane excitement.

[1264] And then at some point I'd be like, hmm, somebody's making a lot of money around here.

[1265] Did that ever click to you?

[1266] We actually always made the same amount.

[1267] I'm more mean, whoever's on top of all this.

[1268] Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[1269] The promoters, not that band members.

[1270] Right, right, right.

[1271] More like the Simon Cowles and the L .A. Reeds and the promoters and all that.

[1272] Maybe some parents were smart enough to figure that out, honestly, until maybe the past few years, I just never really thought about money.

[1273] Yeah.

[1274] This is Monica's gift.

[1275] Well, but also, because you're doing the thing you like.

[1276] Yeah, we all were, I think the currency of that time when you're a teenager is not money, it's fame, power, ego, how people look at you.

[1277] So I think that was the currency that we were all focused on.

[1278] How was your ego doing at 15, 16, 17, 17, 18 with that amount of attention and approval.

[1279] Be honest.

[1280] I would have been a monster.

[1281] Well, tell me specifically, you mean, like, how was your ego as if I was fucking like, yeah, I'm the shit?

[1282] No, I truly was not like, yeah, I'm the shit.

[1283] It was definitely competitive, for sure.

[1284] You wanted to be the best singer in the group?

[1285] Yeah, I wanted to be the best.

[1286] Did everyone?

[1287] I think everybody did.

[1288] Sure.

[1289] It's designed.

[1290] Wanted them to clap the loudest.

[1291] Yeah, I wanted them to clap the loudest.

[1292] Yeah, of course.

[1293] I wanted to be the most loved.

[1294] Yeah.

[1295] How could you not?

[1296] The weird thing, can I just add, one thing that I think is really interesting and it's a gender dynamic.

[1297] As a girl, you're already beautiful.

[1298] So, like, guys are an option.

[1299] I think when you're a boy and you get in that situation, you're like, hold on a second, every girl here likes me. That's a very powerful elixir.

[1300] I think that's where I would have destroyed myself at a young age.

[1301] Girls don't have groupies like guys do, though.

[1302] They don't?

[1303] No. Because people that are coming to the shows are girls and gays.

[1304] Ah, girls and gays.

[1305] Yeah, G's and g. So we're not like really getting groupies like that.

[1306] We're getting maybe one or two hot, famous people that slide into your DMs.

[1307] Okay.

[1308] You live for those one or two people.

[1309] You're like, oh my God, this is all I'm going.

[1310] It is fucking slim pickings out here.

[1311] But they're not coming to the concert because in the patriarchy, they're not going to show up at this like a bunch of powerful girls.

[1312] Unless they're smashing.

[1313] Well, unless they're smart, but they aren't.

[1314] It's so hard in that dynamic to even admit, yeah, of course I wanted to be the best.

[1315] Of course I wanted the most applause.

[1316] Because I felt the demographic at times.

[1317] could be very toxic and they would be like how dare she want to be the best how dare she want the most applause fucking bitch and it's like well I'm sorry I'm human we all did they designed it that way I mean five beautiful girls who can sing of course it'd be crazy if you were all at that age like yeah we're super happy to completely share this yeah I'm sorry it was before we had our prefrontal cortex it was important yes yes I do wonder also You're from a very individualistic society, which is very well studied and documented.

[1318] I do wonder if these Korean bands that are, they might be more well positioned in a collectivist society to deal with that better.

[1319] You're supposed to win everything you do.

[1320] I know.

[1321] And also how people react.

[1322] There's always, who's your fave?

[1323] Who's the best?

[1324] I think we all felt like, I want to be your fay.

[1325] You just want love.

[1326] It equates to acceptance, which is the nice thing we really want.

[1327] 100p.

[1328] And you're also selling merch, I imagine, like individual merch.

[1329] That could be track.

[1330] No, no, no. No way.

[1331] That would have been.

[1332] Yeah, that's bad.

[1333] If you were, like, selling 10X of your T -shirts to other members of the band, are you on social media at this period?

[1334] I promised myself, I would never Google myself or search my name on Twitter or anything like that.

[1335] But you are on social media enough that you can feel it.

[1336] You know how many followers.

[1337] That's what we get tricky.

[1338] There's five members of the group, and everyone can see how many followers everyone has.

[1339] Were you the number one that was followed?

[1340] No, it's a number one.

[1341] Don't be mad at her for saying.

[1342] That's saying that.

[1343] Dax made her say that.

[1344] No, that's just a fact.

[1345] What's crazy is, I do feel like the fans will eat you a lot.

[1346] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[1347] And let's add the layer of misogyny that exists somehow with me. Which is like, the only story for five women working together is that they hate each other and fight.

[1348] That was the desperate houseway story.

[1349] Any one of these, they don't ever do that when there's a group of dudes.

[1350] No. Yeah, no one's saying.

[1351] It's crazy.

[1352] It's crazy.

[1353] It's crazy.

[1354] Justin Timberlake wanted to have a solo career.

[1355] No one's saying that.

[1356] 100%.

[1357] I mean, I will say, to be fair, I think the best part of looking at groups, because I remember seeing this from One Direction or Destiny's Child, you love seeing the sisterhood and the friendship and the moments of laughing because you want it for yourself.

[1358] Yes.

[1359] Especially as a fan, it was a parisocial relationship.

[1360] And you just place yourself in that.

[1361] So I actually think people root for people to get along.

[1362] It's such an impossible situation.

[1363] Like, imagine your girl of 11 years old, four years older, being thrust into like a thing with four other girls.

[1364] One of them would be great in it and one of them it would destroy.

[1365] It's also a personality.

[1366] I think it would be hard for anyone, any type of personality.

[1367] Because you can't help but compare.

[1368] Well, look, I was at the ground liens at 27, 28 in the Sunday company.

[1369] When I say I love everyone there, I would have done anything for anyone there.

[1370] I would have given them my money.

[1371] I'd jump in front of a train for them.

[1372] And I definitely wanted to be the best person in that show.

[1373] And I wanted them to clap the loud as for me. And I was 28.

[1374] Yeah.

[1375] Yeah, right.

[1376] All things were true.

[1377] All things were true.

[1378] When you left, what was the main thrust of thing you were desiring?

[1379] Was it expression?

[1380] Yes.

[1381] I was so into songwriting and I just wanted to write my own songs.

[1382] Who at that moment that you were about to launch your solo career were you kind of obsessed with as an artist?

[1383] Probably Taylor.

[1384] Yeah.

[1385] I think she was the person that made me get into writing.

[1386] That's so cool because the vibe is so different.

[1387] It's so different.

[1388] I mean, it really evolved.

[1389] My influences are so different, but I think I started to find my voice through.

[1390] You see, like, a young woman who writes about her experiences through song, and it just feels like, I can do that.

[1391] That sounds fun.

[1392] Yeah.

[1393] I think she's almost the best role model, an artist, has ever had.

[1394] By the way, Beyonce is my number one.

[1395] She fell out of the sky.

[1396] And so there's a lot of things about her that are not really even aspirational.

[1397] I can't look and move like Beyonce.

[1398] say.

[1399] And she clearly has a great work ethic, but that's not the thing that was center stage.

[1400] It was like she's so glamorous and her fucking innate singing.

[1401] Well, not innate.

[1402] I'm sure she worked for it.

[1403] But her range and her power as a vocalist is like Aretha.

[1404] So these are things I can't work and get.

[1405] And so for Taylor, I think there's so much of her success is just based on the commitment to explore herself and tell her story and be prolific and hard work.

[1406] That's a really great role model.

[1407] I think there's different things that I take from both of them, Beyonce, I think she has that Kobe Bryant thing on stage.

[1408] She's just like a fucking monster.

[1409] What she becomes when she's on stage, it's superhuman.

[1410] Okay, so Taylor was obviously someone you were like, okay, were you old enough and mature enough to recognize that the thing she was doing was also securing some longevity for herself?

[1411] Like, if that was the approach you took, you could more write your own future.

[1412] I definitely feel like, wow, thank God that I started writing at such a young age.

[1413] There was an era of people that were maybe just singers and they took songs from people.

[1414] And now the industry has changed so much where the songwriters that were behind the scenes became artists.

[1415] A lot of those singers that did that are like, oh shit, who's going to fucking write my song?

[1416] And I feel really grateful to past me that I had that curiosity because I don't really have to wait on anyone or like depend on anyone.

[1417] That's what I'm saying.

[1418] It puts you in the steering wheel a lot more.

[1419] Absolutely.

[1420] But that's the misleading thing about Taylor.

[1421] Like when you say it seems a tiny bit more attainable because it's not like dropped from the sky.

[1422] It is.

[1423] Her ability to write in a way that's hyper -personal yet extremely universal is unparalleled.

[1424] There is not another artist who can do that that specifically.

[1425] There's a new album.

[1426] People have all kinds of opinions on it.

[1427] You know, it's funny about the way you just said that I don't know what's happening.

[1428] I know, but everyone else does.

[1429] But I now think people are shitting on it.

[1430] Yeah, some people are.

[1431] It's also the most streamed album of all time.

[1432] She's doing just fine.

[1433] But at first, when I I heard it.

[1434] I was like, whoa, it's a little too personal.

[1435] I can't connect.

[1436] And she says, like, these are poems.

[1437] But then I listened again, and I was like, no, I can't stop listening now.

[1438] And I super...

[1439] It's a grower not a shower.

[1440] She's a grower not a shower.

[1441] That was the Rolling Stone review of it.

[1442] It said a grower, not a show.

[1443] That's actually amazing.

[1444] I mean, I was going to say, I think she taught me so much.

[1445] And I feel like my favorite art now is, the more specific something is, actually, the more universal it is.

[1446] A hundred percent.

[1447] And I feel like my songwriting grew so much when, I was focused on that.

[1448] Don't try to make it universal because then it's nothing.

[1449] Exactly.

[1450] Well, the hits start coming fast.

[1451] When you go solo, they're coming hot and fast.

[1452] Yeah.

[1453] Thank you.

[1454] I want to go in order.

[1455] Wait, while you wait for your order, I do want to say one thing because everyone's going to My Pants.

[1456] Oh, go pee on.

[1457] Can I?

[1458] Okay.

[1459] Matt Damon's in here.

[1460] Yeah, he is.

[1461] He lunch then.

[1462] I am the fastest here in the house.

[1463] I'm impressed.

[1464] Do you guys go in your pool a lot?

[1465] Yeah.

[1466] We go in the hot tub almost every night.

[1467] That's very nice.

[1468] Because we sona every night.

[1469] Can you cold plunge?

[1470] Yep.

[1471] We have a plunge in a sauna.

[1472] No, I don't pull plunge.

[1473] She's a beast in the sauna though.

[1474] Her Indian blood.

[1475] I do like the sauna.

[1476] She's impervious to heat.

[1477] She's gone in there in her clothes.

[1478] That's insane.

[1479] I did one time go in my clothes.

[1480] Just to like say bye and then we started chatting.

[1481] And you like don't even notice that you're in a sauna.

[1482] I don't know if she wasn't sweating because she's impervious to heat or she has no water because she's not.

[1483] I don't drink a lot of water.

[1484] I don't get thirsty.

[1485] Yes.

[1486] I don't get thirsty unless I'm working out.

[1487] If I'm working out, I'm super thirsty.

[1488] I don't get thirsty.

[1489] I am with you.

[1490] Or in the sauna, other than that, I'm not thirsty.

[1491] I could go literally all day.

[1492] I don't crave water.

[1493] One thing I want to say real quick before we come back in, because this happens all the time.

[1494] And it's important to me that we say, I don't like that every time we talk about Taylor, every time we talk about Beyonce, not you.

[1495] In general, the world is doing this.

[1496] where they are now linked, where we're comparing one to the other.

[1497] I mean, a part of its timing, I guess.

[1498] They both had concerts at the same time.

[1499] They both have these new albums.

[1500] But it's always.

[1501] And even from friends of mine, I know, they're like, I'm a Beyonce girl.

[1502] I'm like, when you can be low.

[1503] That's crazy.

[1504] I don't do that, but I thought it was so sick when they linked up.

[1505] Me too.

[1506] Wait, what's that mean?

[1507] Love it when two bad bitches link up.

[1508] Like, they just supported each other's.

[1509] Oh, they went to each other's concerts?

[1510] Yeah, they're red carpet.

[1511] Like, I think that's so fire because other industries, you have colleagues and you go lunch.

[1512] The music industry is really not like that.

[1513] Supportive.

[1514] It's like, can we just hang out?

[1515] We all do the same thing.

[1516] Yeah, we're the only four people on Planet Earth that knows what this experience is like and we could comfort each other.

[1517] But I do want to, Monica, I think we're smart enough to make the distinction between what I was saying and what some people are saying.

[1518] A lot of people are positioning this is who's better.

[1519] Yeah.

[1520] That is not at all.

[1521] I'm looking at two people that are Apex Success and how they did it differently.

[1522] I would say Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrell are like two of my comedy.

[1523] He does.

[1524] heroes and they had such different approaches and what were those approaches.

[1525] And I think it's honoring them to actually break down what their unique recipe is that ends them both here.

[1526] I'm not saying what you did is wrong, but there is a, there's a pitting against each other.

[1527] There's a big conversation out in the world that's specifically about them.

[1528] And it's a very common thing for female artists.

[1529] Like, I'm sure you get it all the time.

[1530] You do not hear it as much at all with this man. It's always compared to this man and who's better and who's not.

[1531] That's not true, Monica.

[1532] In the rap world, You were Jay -Z or Nas and they hated each other.

[1533] And then it was Prince or Michael Jackson.

[1534] It's very human for there to be two popular things and you do identify more with the other and then inadvertently make yourself in that team.

[1535] So it's not exclusive to women.

[1536] I don't think that's really fair.

[1537] I think it's more, I think it's much more prevalent.

[1538] Okay.

[1539] I definitely agree with the like they got to be fighting because they're women.

[1540] They can't get a long stereotype that's perpetuated.

[1541] But I think men are pitted against each other.

[1542] Like Led Zeppelin and Rolling Stones, or Rolling Stones and Beatles.

[1543] In fact, growing up, my mother was like, we're a Rolling Stones family.

[1544] Yeah, I definitely remember growing up and being like, you're either a Prince fan or you're a Michael Jackson fan.

[1545] Right.

[1546] It pervades all of it, to be honest.

[1547] Okay, so you leave in 2016, and then quickly, Hey, Mom, comes out.

[1548] You're in a Fast and Furious soundtrack.

[1549] Crazy.

[1550] You go on the Bruno Mars 24 Magic World Tour.

[1551] But I imagine, even with that success and excitement, Havana's like something bonkers is now happening.

[1552] Is that fair to say?

[1553] Best -selling single of 2018, Spotify's most streamed song ever by a solo female artist.

[1554] As much as you wanted to win, when you win that big, then you kind of flip and go like, oh, oh.

[1555] Like a little too fast.

[1556] Yeah, or just like, I don't trust this.

[1557] Honestly, what I remember, I were like, I knew it.

[1558] I don't think you ever know how big a song is going to be, but I feel like I know when a song is special.

[1559] And I was like, I feel like this bitch is special.

[1560] Yeah.

[1561] Yeah.

[1562] Say it.

[1563] Whoa, those are those Beyonce pipes coming in.

[1564] There was something just kind of weird about it.

[1565] Those are usually the ones where it either totally goes under the radar or it really connects.

[1566] People either really get it or they don't.

[1567] I often know if a song is good when I play it to someone, not because of their reaction, but how I feel.

[1568] You almost are extra critical because there's somebody there.

[1569] And if you're like cringing inside, you're like, this is not good.

[1570] And if you're like, fuck yeah, then you know it's good.

[1571] Hear this shit.

[1572] Yeah, exactly.

[1573] And I think that's why it's important to stay connected.

[1574] If you're always listening to music for fun, you know how a great song makes you feel.

[1575] So you know if your song makes you feel like that.

[1576] And if it doesn't, then you're like, well, shit, this ain't it.

[1577] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[1578] What I remember the most about that time actually was, and not to sound ungrateful because I'm not, but I had my first relationship at that time.

[1579] Oh, I can't even believe I blew past this.

[1580] You lived out my fantasy.

[1581] Oh, God.

[1582] What was it?

[1583] So for people who have not done this in their life, it's a very, weird experience, which is you go out on a publicity tour of some variety.

[1584] And on your schedule in the morning, you wake up and you're going to Today Show, and then you're going to the View, and then you're going to David Letterman at night.

[1585] And while you're out around town, and it can even happen in Atlanta, they send you to Atlanta, and you're going to do this show and this show.

[1586] You're at a hotel, and you see other people that are promoting their stuff.

[1587] So these are like colleagues that you didn't even imagine you had.

[1588] And so you go on these shows, and I always had this fantasy where, like, you're in the green room with people, and you meet a fellow actor or a fellow something.

[1589] And you're both out selling your thing.

[1590] I've always wanted to like fall in love with one of those people.

[1591] Is this the relationship?

[1592] This was the relationship.

[1593] So she's doing the Today Show and meets a guy who's there with presumably a book or something.

[1594] He's a life coach.

[1595] Yes.

[1596] So what happened?

[1597] You're at the Today Show.

[1598] Were you in the green room?

[1599] I was outside where they have the TV with the scripts.

[1600] I had actually listened to his podcast before.

[1601] By accident or in preparation?

[1602] No, I listened to his podcast before as a fan because he had like a dating podcast.

[1603] Okay.

[1604] And he is married now, so congratulations.

[1605] Yeah, wonderful.

[1606] But I was like, oh my God, I'm such a big fan.

[1607] I love podcasts, as you can see.

[1608] And so we went to dinner that night, and that was my first relationship.

[1609] It was late for my first.

[1610] Yeah, how old were you?

[1611] Did you feel a little, not fraudulent, but, oh, yes.

[1612] Right?

[1613] I was like, oh, my God, I've never had a boyfriend.

[1614] There was like literally eight songs that were like, basically lonely.

[1615] I am so lonely.

[1616] Did you been having sex at all before 20?

[1617] That was my first, my first time had sex.

[1618] First love making was at 20 -20.

[1619] Oh, God, it was a little later on he loved me. That's wonderful.

[1620] Yeah, no, it was beautiful.

[1621] Yeah, good.

[1622] Yeah.

[1623] Now, one thing I did think about, because he's a, quote, relationship expert, or at least I had written a book on dating and now I'm learning how to podcast about dating, at any point would you go like, this feels like he knows too much about this and it's calculating?

[1624] Sometimes, but I think that also, honestly, made him a great partner.

[1625] He was a really great person.

[1626] It was like the perfect first relationship really expanded my world because he wasn't in industry too.

[1627] It was like, oh my God, have you ever seen Anthony Bourdain parts unknown?

[1628] And have you ever seen Studio Ghibli films?

[1629] He just really expanded my references because before that it was like six years just in the music industry and we traveled and we like took trips.

[1630] So I remember when Havana was really big, I was just like, but most importantly, I'm in love.

[1631] You know, I'm just such a fucking.

[1632] So what a year of your life, 2018.

[1633] Yeah, it was a great year.

[1634] I really want this year to be similar for me. I really hope I meet someone that I really love.

[1635] Like, because it's been a while.

[1636] It has.

[1637] Has it?

[1638] Like, probably, yeah, like a year.

[1639] I always say I would relive seventh grade over and over again.

[1640] I love that.

[1641] Would you relive 2018 over and over?

[1642] If you had to pick one year?

[1643] No, no, no, no. What would be the year?

[1644] It's, like, I feel like I really, I won't say peaked at fifth grade, because that's not, that's not the vibes that I want to give.

[1645] Okay.

[1646] But fifth grade, I feel like I was king of the world.

[1647] Yeah.

[1648] I had my first tiny little boyfriend.

[1649] He kissed you on the cheek and you ran away.

[1650] You are the goat.

[1651] He kissed me on my cheek.

[1652] You need to write a song, Kissed Me, and Sheik, and I ran away.

[1653] By the way, I actually did write a song about this called Butterfly Garden.

[1654] Okay.

[1655] And it was about being in fifth grade.

[1656] That didn't make the album, so.

[1657] There's no way you would know this, but do you know this band, Wolfpack?

[1658] No. They have a song.

[1659] It's the cutest song in the world.

[1660] It's a great song, and it's called Backpocket.

[1661] And the song is, put it in my pocket, put it in my pocket, put it in my pocket, put it in my pocket, put it in my back pocket.

[1662] And it's all about getting a note slid in your back pocket on the playground.

[1663] See, I love the specificity of that.

[1664] Exactly.

[1665] That's some Taylor Swift shit.

[1666] That's some T. Swift shit right there.

[1667] But yeah, fifth grade.

[1668] And also, I feel like I was my favorite era of music, too.

[1669] Who was hot when you were in fifth grade?

[1670] Like, crank that soldier boy.

[1671] Oh, yeah.

[1672] Oh, yeah.

[1673] Oh, yeah.

[1674] Got to get low, low, low.

[1675] Yeah, stronger by Kanye.

[1676] What an album.

[1677] Okay, is it too much to ask?

[1678] I mean, this would be my guess.

[1679] This gentleman was a little bit older and he had already worked through all of his stuff.

[1680] And he probably was wise enough to go like, this gal is still on a big, big ride that I don't know if I can link my cart to.

[1681] I gotta let this one go free and flap her wings and do all our stuff.

[1682] Yeah, I think we really had, and I'm really putting this through like a big filter too.

[1683] Okay, yeah, of course.

[1684] Because I want to be so respectful of him.

[1685] But I think he kind of knew that.

[1686] But we were so happy together that I think he was probably like, this will be strong enough to kind of outweigh what is normal, 21 year old curiosity and peeking over the fence and whatever.

[1687] I would be very scared to be in love with you in 2018.

[1688] Yeah, I think he was.

[1689] They had a lot of anxiety about it, reasonably so.

[1690] Having never met him, didn't read his book, no nothing about him.

[1691] It sounds like maybe he was smart enough to go, like, I wish I met this person 10 years from now.

[1692] We always said that.

[1693] He always said that.

[1694] It's kind of cool also of him, because I think a lot of guys would have then tried to destroy you so that you couldn't have that future so that he could keep you.

[1695] I think you see that pattern, especially with powerful, talented women who have a lot of attention and their own money.

[1696] I think the impulse is not to set you free, but to try to take all that from you so that he can have you forever.

[1697] Yeah, so he can control you.

[1698] And like when you're that young, love feels like the fucking best.

[1699] It's the number one drug.

[1700] If somebody would have been like, drop everything and run away with me, I would have been like, fuck yeah, I'll do it.

[1701] Right.

[1702] That's what I'm saying he could have been a dick.

[1703] Yeah, 100%.

[1704] Whereas now I would be like, that's maladaptive.

[1705] I know this.

[1706] I probably still do it, actually.

[1707] To be honest.

[1708] My therapist said this is maladaptive.

[1709] Yeah, and I would still do it.

[1710] I'd be like, okay, once the flight.

[1711] Album promo is canceled.

[1712] Do you feel like you give men a lot of power?

[1713] I say this to Liz all the time.

[1714] Even when I just said that joke, like I'd probably still do it.

[1715] There's two parts of me that are always fighting each other.

[1716] I know that it wouldn't be healthy, but I would still want to do it because it feels so good.

[1717] Well, I can tell you exactly what happened.

[1718] You would do that, but you would do that for nine months.

[1719] You'd wake up one morning and go, what in the fuck of my doing?

[1720] I don't really think you're domitable in that way, but I do think you could convince yourself in a wrong, romantic fantasy.

[1721] Yeah, me too.

[1722] But I think you would pull yourself out of it.

[1723] Just because it's so fun, because I still actually don't think there is anything more fun than when you're first with someone.

[1724] There isn't.

[1725] There are things that are more nourishing, more healthy, healthy and like a deeper joy.

[1726] But as far as the candiness of it all, nothing.

[1727] And back to energy sources.

[1728] Oh, yeah.

[1729] It's huge.

[1730] It's crazy.

[1731] It's impossible.

[1732] It's cocaine.

[1733] It's cocaine.

[1734] And an obsessive personality, you just cannot get enough of that feeling.

[1735] Oh, and the planning of what thing you're doing next and living in that what's next thing.

[1736] Oh, my God.

[1737] And your energy after you text them, everything is funny.

[1738] Everything's going to work out.

[1739] Yeah, everything is, like, amazing.

[1740] It's the best day ever.

[1741] Do I give a lot of power to men?

[1742] Can you specify a little bit more?

[1743] I'm going to, because I don't think she'll care because she loves you.

[1744] I'm going to bring her in.

[1745] I say this to...

[1746] We talk about this, though.

[1747] Liz, yes, you're an eye friend.

[1748] Mutual friend.

[1749] Our friend, Liz, Plank.

[1750] You're an eye friend.

[1751] That's how you say.

[1752] Our you're an eye friend.

[1753] That's a correct grammar.

[1754] Or urinary friend.

[1755] Are urinary track friend?

[1756] UTI friend.

[1757] Liz, I always tell her that she gives men way too much power because she's incredible.

[1758] She's so smart.

[1759] She's beautiful.

[1760] She's capable.

[1761] She's everything.

[1762] Often she'll dilute it or she defers to men.

[1763] And a lot of areas in life, not just in a relationship, but even her and I have talked about business something, she's like, well, my mentor and I was like, Liz, that person should not be your mentor.

[1764] But just because he's this like, powerful man, you immediately elevate, because the world elevates him.

[1765] It's not necessarily her.

[1766] And also I feel like mentor men do walk around with like a you need me vibe.

[1767] Yeah, but she's susceptible to that.

[1768] And I wonder, are you?

[1769] I definitely have that tendency.

[1770] And then when I like somebody or have a crush on somebody, I'm always working on pulling myself back to reality.

[1771] This is so easy for me to spend the whole day daydreaming about them and giving them characteristics that they have not shown me and I have to remember not the person that's in your head and it's so much less fun, that's the thing it's literally like, it's like sobering yourself up like it's like you are drunk off of this fantasy that you have created yourself.

[1772] It's having a glass of water between drinks.

[1773] Oh, yeah, it sucks.

[1774] We hate water.

[1775] We literally are never thirsty.

[1776] So yeah, I always have to like bring myself back to the reality which is always less fun.

[1777] I remember before whenever I would perform, nobody would make me more nervous than my boyfriend.

[1778] I did feel like I would give men too much power at the time because my therapist would be like, that person should be a source of comfort for you.

[1779] That person should be a source of like, I'm so happy they're here.

[1780] I'm nervous about everybody else, but I would be the most nervous.

[1781] I would be like doing fucking S &L and I would be like, is Sean going to see it?

[1782] Yes.

[1783] I almost think what your therapist is suggesting is unrealistic and an unachievable goal, which is actually, why would you give a fuck what anyone else thinks?

[1784] You're not vested in that person liking you.

[1785] I don't care what Joe Schmoe thinks of me. Yes.

[1786] Yes, the person you're in love with thinks of you.

[1787] I actually think it's kind of healthy.

[1788] Like, you should care what your friends and family.

[1789] Now, should we elevate it above friends and family?

[1790] Maybe not.

[1791] I don't know.

[1792] There's a zone that's probably healthy.

[1793] But I actually think that's very natural and almost seems like a waste of time to fight that.

[1794] It's true.

[1795] But if you're anxious, it depends.

[1796] If you're just like, I hope they like it or I want them to be impressed by me. You said to me the other day you saw my last Kimmel appearance.

[1797] Yeah.

[1798] And you were like, oh my God, buddy, you crushed it or whatever.

[1799] Yes.

[1800] And I was like, oh, that feels great.

[1801] I mean, certainly people said that on Instagram to me, but yes, I want Monica to think I'm funny when I go on TV.

[1802] But 100%.

[1803] If Kristen says I was hysterical.

[1804] It's more like if you were like, fuck Monica's going to watch it.

[1805] Exactly.

[1806] Well, yes, that would be the pathological side of it.

[1807] Exactly.

[1808] I go a little pathological for sure.

[1809] Right.

[1810] Now, what's interesting now that I've met you and I've interviewed Sean, and I've also been at a couple places where Sean was and chatted with him.

[1811] I think what would be interesting about you too is that you're both, in a very wonderful and cute way.

[1812] Oh, God, what are you about to say?

[1813] You're about to say neurotic.

[1814] You want to figure it out.

[1815] Like, you're on it, right?

[1816] There's therapy, there's some self -actualization going.

[1817] Which I like, but I almost wonder, I think at least what works about Kristen and I is, we're watching a doc right now, about a murderer.

[1818] Cute.

[1819] And his friends don't want to turn him in.

[1820] And she's like, how could these people not turn him in?

[1821] And I'm like, hon. Loyalty.

[1822] If Aaron killed someone, I'm not saying shit.

[1823] But just we're opposites.

[1824] And I think of both of us were like, yeah, let's help our friend bury a body.

[1825] not a great partnership.

[1826] So I almost wonder if you two could be on this journey together and at some point just look at each other and like Jesus Christ, we're both 85.

[1827] One of us has to be insane.

[1828] No, 100%.

[1829] And I think that even though I talk about the Buddhism and the therapy and meditation, I do feel right now, especially, I'm in my era where I need to go out and have fun and have a good time.

[1830] It's teenage time for me, for sure.

[1831] I want to like almost black out but not.

[1832] Do you want to hang later?

[1833] Because I drink a lot of wine.

[1834] I am actually not that into wine.

[1835] It just makes me sleepy.

[1836] But I will.

[1837] Martini?

[1838] Yes, great.

[1839] Okay, great.

[1840] Perfect.

[1841] Expresso.

[1842] Expresso.

[1843] Expresso Martini.

[1844] With Camilla.

[1845] Can we do a show with you that's called Expresso with Camilla?

[1846] We'll have changed in the spelling of your name, of course.

[1847] Yeah, sure.

[1848] Camilla, my alter ego.

[1849] I know you have two listeners, Lincoln and Delta.

[1850] Yeah, I definitely think that's why I gravitate towards people and guys who are maybe a little bit more on the dangerous side.

[1851] Because I don't want to take stuff too seriously.

[1852] This is self -serving, but can I recommend a reformed bad boy?

[1853] That's maybe the sweet spot for you.

[1854] Yeah, I agree.

[1855] That's everyone wants that.

[1856] And they're not very many.

[1857] There's a lot of bad boys when I want to reform.

[1858] They think they're reform, but they're not.

[1859] Oh, right, right, right.

[1860] So slippery, you know.

[1861] No, the pool is shallow nowadays, for sure.

[1862] All right, so what we have coming is CXOXO.

[1863] But that's mid -June -ish.

[1864] You'll love to explain the strategy of all this stuff to me because you release signals leading up to it.

[1865] And I love it, of course, is out already.

[1866] And I listened to it 12 times this morning.

[1867] Did you?

[1868] For fun or for research?

[1869] Well, I listened to it once for research.

[1870] And then I was like, I'm going to keep listening to this song.

[1871] Were you working out?

[1872] I feel like it's a good workout song.

[1873] And then I watched the video and I love the video.

[1874] Thank you.

[1875] It's almost like a mini episode of euphoria, just in its tone.

[1876] There was a lot of euphoria visual references for the album.

[1877] I guess this is all just a ploy to relive my teenage years in the way that I want.

[1878] And it feels very Miami too.

[1879] It is.

[1880] It is very Miami.

[1881] it is, but it's almost like a Miami version of euphoria.

[1882] Right now, I'm deep in rehearsal times, so I actually can't drink and go out that much.

[1883] But when I am in Miami, those are my favorite nights when I get dressed out with my friends and we go dancing.

[1884] I love Miami.

[1885] People try to shit on it.

[1886] Like, it's cheesy.

[1887] What do people, no, those people are allergic to a great fucking time.

[1888] Literally.

[1889] Because that's probably the only place I go where I actually can kind of touch what it felt like to be drunk.

[1890] Sober.

[1891] I can buy into the horseman.

[1892] Can wear a speedo.

[1893] Get my yellow speedo.

[1894] And then I love going out to these restaurants where it's like everyone's on a runway, everyone's swinging for the fences.

[1895] Everybody's like trying to be on vacation, but it's their home.

[1896] I love this quote that's like, on the other side of cringe is everything you want.

[1897] Ooh, I like that.

[1898] Good because, you know, my big trigger word is cringe.

[1899] I hate when people use that word.

[1900] It's such a snobby word.

[1901] It is.

[1902] They're going like, I'm embarrassed for you.

[1903] Fuck you.

[1904] Why don't you go try to do something for yourself?

[1905] Yeah, why don't you talk about themselves, though, I feel.

[1906] Like, I made myself cringe.

[1907] I know.

[1908] When they write that, that's a comment people write on posts, like cringe.

[1909] Miami is the best.

[1910] though.

[1911] And it feels like it's not in the United States because of the, is this a word confluence?

[1912] Confluence.

[1913] I feel like that's not a word.

[1914] No, it is.

[1915] Okay.

[1916] It's like the merging of two things.

[1917] Yes, the merging of the Latin people and the people from the Caribbean.

[1918] And there's so many different cultures, it's such a melting pot.

[1919] Most Uber drivers will only speak Spanish.

[1920] It's vibe city.

[1921] The energy there feels just way more relaxed.

[1922] Speaking of my family story, everybody there has the same story.

[1923] Everybody's fucking moved when they were six years old and their parents are from like this South American place.

[1924] So it's a bunch of kind of misfits in that way.

[1925] Junk -air dogs.

[1926] Exactly.

[1927] Muts, Scrappers.

[1928] Yeah, I love it.

[1929] Me too.

[1930] Yeah, so when I watch the video, I'm like, oh, sign me up.

[1931] I want a whole month there.

[1932] In that weird house, drive the moped through, let's fuck shit up.

[1933] Cops should be called at some point.

[1934] 100 % some Spring Breakers vibes.

[1935] Another great reference, Spring Breakers.

[1936] That's a big visual reference for the album too.

[1937] Yeah, Harmony Corinne.

[1938] I feel like this album is all about, which I feel like is why I love this show so much and why I love you guys so much is I feel like you guys are not afraid to show the complexity, just the messiness of being human.

[1939] You're like, I do this thing that's fucked up and couldn't make me the bad guy.

[1940] I am the bad guy sometimes.

[1941] I'm also not.

[1942] Sometimes, shockingly, I'm the good guy.

[1943] Chocantly.

[1944] Yeah.

[1945] Can you believe it?

[1946] Everyone's all of the things.

[1947] Yeah.

[1948] I love it.

[1949] Is it departure's too strong of a word?

[1950] But there's an evolution here.

[1951] Yep.

[1952] And so this is where you need to educate me. I just don't know this world.

[1953] I know movies in TV.

[1954] Oh, wait.

[1955] How was Phineas?

[1956] Because I saw you guys on him.

[1957] I haven't listened to his episode.

[1958] It's a great episode.

[1959] I will listen.

[1960] He's phenomenal.

[1961] I know he's the best.

[1962] Another, he's 26.

[1963] I'm sorry, what?

[1964] I know.

[1965] He's one of those people that makes me feel like I'm fucking 12 years old when I talk to him.

[1966] How are you so mature and have your shit so together?

[1967] After the interview, had I no idea when he was born.

[1968] I would go, well, he and I are definitely the same age.

[1969] There's just no question.

[1970] All of his references.

[1971] How old do I feel?

[1972] 36.

[1973] No way.

[1974] Yeah, I feel like my age.

[1975] Wait, that's really cool.

[1976] No, Phineas feels 48.

[1977] Would you want to work with him?

[1978] Yes, I actually have worked with him.

[1979] Oh, you have?

[1980] We made one of my favorite songs together.

[1981] Maybe like a couple albums ago.

[1982] It was so fun.

[1983] It's called Use to This.

[1984] What was the process of working with him?

[1985] Did you have to go to some unconventional space to make the music?

[1986] We didn't go to his house.

[1987] Okay.

[1988] You weren't in his parents' bedroom?

[1989] I wasn't in his parents' bedroom.

[1990] I think it was one of the first times that I was seeing Sean, and we wrote a song about it.

[1991] Oh.

[1992] Literally, it's one of my favorite songs.

[1993] He's so good, though, but I would love to make more music with him.

[1994] Do you feel like you got the experience?

[1995] And again, this is all me watching The Billy Eilish Dock.

[1996] Okay, I haven't seen that.

[1997] Oh, you haven't?

[1998] It's so beautiful.

[1999] She's really young, right?

[2000] I mean, what are we talking about?

[2001] She's still really young.

[2002] I feel like musicians see things in like, it was eight hairstyles ago.

[2003] Do you know what I mean?

[2004] Yeah, that's probably right, yeah.

[2005] What he appears to be doing in that doc, because I want to be fair to her, she's a beast.

[2006] I admire her.

[2007] She's awesome.

[2008] But he had this most gentle, loving way of helping her pull these things out of herself.

[2009] He's almost, in addition to being a music producer, he's like an incredible therapist.

[2010] So did you get that?

[2011] I did.

[2012] And even in that album where I feel like I still hadn't found complete confidence as a songwriter, like the way I have for this last album, I think he was one of the first people to, I don't know, that was one of my favorite songs, lyrically, songwriting wise, of that album.

[2013] Do you have producing partners that you're just like, we click every time?

[2014] It changes.

[2015] It's kind of like sometimes you really get along with somebody and then two years later, you're like, I don't feel anything.

[2016] I think it's smart to mix it up.

[2017] You have to because it really is the stars align.

[2018] And I've had producers who I've made a whole album with him.

[2019] And then because it went so well, I tried to recreate it the next time.

[2020] That's the danger.

[2021] And then we just didn't have that same chemistry.

[2022] Yeah, you have to really be open.

[2023] But what I was going to say about Phineas is it is really beautiful.

[2024] He has such a loyalty for Billy.

[2025] Like, he's always defending her.

[2026] Oh, he did it in the episode.

[2027] It's amazing.

[2028] It made me want to hug him.

[2029] I love that.

[2030] That's like one of my favorite qualities in people.

[2031] Well, he's being like very polite about his own fame, right?

[2032] I understand, people are this.

[2033] But then when it would get to how they treat her, he's like this fucking rude and bullshit.

[2034] Protective.

[2035] Yes.

[2036] Big brother.

[2037] I have a question.

[2038] Am I 36 to you guys because my Buddhist meditation therapy stuff?

[2039] Like, do I feel like not?

[2040] No, because your skin looks terrible.

[2041] Right.

[2042] That is it.

[2043] I was just visual.

[2044] No, it's all the cigarette.

[2045] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2046] It's, well, I guess egocentrically, I got sober at 29.

[2047] In two more years, I would have been making this decision like, we got to get our shit together.

[2048] Right, right.

[2049] So I put myself, when I was.

[2050] in at least group therapy, I'm like 36 -7, when I'm starting to understand, like, why I get mad, and then Buddhism was this January 1st resolution.

[2051] Really?

[2052] Yeah, and I hardly understand it, but what little I understand, I'm like, oh my God, this is the greatest thing ever.

[2053] When I was 27, I knew drinking was melted, but I didn't know.

[2054] You're like, fuck it.

[2055] Yeah, it was still fun.

[2056] Yeah, totally.

[2057] Okay, but again, back to the evolution.

[2058] Yes.

[2059] I'm curious.

[2060] I guess I've dealt with this as a comedian a little bit, which is you define a point of view and you define a voice.

[2061] Yes.

[2062] But you want to evolve, but you don't want to alienate, and you don't want to lose what's great.

[2063] So how do you navigate that when you're like, I want to grow, but I don't want to lose.

[2064] Is it scary or you don't even think about it?

[2065] I don't think that much about losing the point of view that I have had because I'm just really focused on whether this is great or not.

[2066] And, you know, I love it.

[2067] There are other songs on the album that feels more like what I've heard from her, like a similar perspective.

[2068] But I think it's always going to feel like me because I've been the one that's writing.

[2069] So it's always going to have like a similar voice.

[2070] I mean, I'm not the same person now that I was two or three years ago.

[2071] So my references have changed.

[2072] The things that I like I liked have changed.

[2073] There's so many habits that I feel like I picked up three years ago.

[2074] And now I'm like, ew, I can't believe I did that.

[2075] I wish I could remember the verbiage.

[2076] But one of the reviews I read of I love it is like this signals a something pop.

[2077] Hyperpop.

[2078] Yeah, what is hyperpop?

[2079] Hyperpop is a genre.

[2080] There's different artists like Charlie X, X, X, or Sophie or 100 geeks.

[2081] Yeah, not my sister.

[2082] Which I feel like this sounds just like very futuristic pop, like high -pitched voices or really intense, crazy -sounding drums.

[2083] Yes.

[2084] So I think this particular song is high -pop.

[2085] The tempo seems quicker as well.

[2086] I would love to be in a club dancing to this song.

[2087] Yes.

[2088] In fact, I specifically, and this is not a great thing to say, I specifically thought this fucking song would pair so well with MDMA.

[2089] Oh, okay.

[2090] Yeah.

[2091] This song was built for MDMA.

[2092] Music, to me, is like, some songs make me feel like that.

[2093] And you're in your adolescent phase.

[2094] So it's like you want to be in a club feeling that feeling.

[2095] My favorite things that I have done, like Havana or whatever, is when I'm doing something that feels weird.

[2096] That's my favorite.

[2097] My ego thing or whatever is not, if it's successful or not successful, it's more, is it basic a middle of the road or did I try something different?

[2098] And if I tried something different, then I feel cool.

[2099] And then I feel like I'm the shit no matter what.

[2100] Does that make that?

[2101] Yes, I love that.

[2102] It's like anything really in any movie or whatever you want to be on your toes.

[2103] Yeah.

[2104] Okay, last question.

[2105] This one's scary, is how much do you worry about longevity or the future?

[2106] One part of me is like, I would love to have Havana.

[2107] Also, so scary to have Havana.

[2108] It's like Tarantino directing Pulp Fiction as a second movie.

[2109] That's a lot.

[2110] And we deal with this a lot.

[2111] It's an interesting thought of, could I just succeed mid -level and be happy?

[2112] You're like, there's David Sederis, then there's fucking Camila.

[2113] Fuck.

[2114] No, no, no, no. No, but like it's a blessing and a curse to have achieved something so huge.

[2115] And I just wonder, do you obsess a lot about the future and longevity?

[2116] I think about it.

[2117] And then I think my way of preparing for it is diversifying the things that I like to do and the things that I'm knowledgeable about.

[2118] Like, okay, once I don't have a fucking pop star face and body.

[2119] I think it's smart to be like, this is temporary.

[2120] Yeah.

[2121] Totally.

[2122] After me, there's going to be, it already is.

[2123] You know, you're the new kid on the block.

[2124] everybody's excited.

[2125] Then it's like your fourth album.

[2126] And there's another person who's the new kid on the block.

[2127] And it'll still keep happening.

[2128] But I think being like, okay, well, maybe when I'm, I don't know, in my 50s or something, I could put together soundtracks for movies.

[2129] I could do this.

[2130] I could do that.

[2131] Well, that's the innate and inherent issue is that to do what you've done requires almost 100 % time and focus.

[2132] You can't really be building out these other sectors of your life.

[2133] That's not the nature of a tour in writing an album.

[2134] So it's like, when would we dedicate the time to have a real pickleball passion?

[2135] because time doesn't allow for that.

[2136] But I think more and more now, there's people that are multi -hyphenates.

[2137] Speaking of Charlie X -E -X, you see that she's working on a soundtrack for this, like, A -24 movie, and she's also making an album.

[2138] For me, it's like that feels like a more interesting life because you can also be so in your bubble.

[2139] I mean, it's like you were an actor, you were in movies.

[2140] And right, you're a director.

[2141] Yeah, you're living a few different lives in one, which I feel like is so much more fun.

[2142] Yeah, just for me, I get bored easy.

[2143] Me too.

[2144] Yeah.

[2145] Yeah.

[2146] This was a party.

[2147] I had high expectations, but this quadrupled them.

[2148] Really?

[2149] Yeah.

[2150] This was so fun.

[2151] I've had so much fun.

[2152] I want to hang out.

[2153] You are welcome to hang out.

[2154] Yes.

[2155] Yes, I really mean that.

[2156] Okay.

[2157] Well, I would love to have dinner.

[2158] We can have Liz.

[2159] You guys can get fucked up.

[2160] Let's get fucked up.

[2161] I'll drive everyone, so I'm the dad.

[2162] Oh, yeah.

[2163] I would love that.

[2164] And then I'll cry when I get home.

[2165] Oh.

[2166] To that Gwyneth quote.

[2167] That one, Gwyneth quote.

[2168] Yes, yes, yes.

[2169] I had so much fun.

[2170] Thank you so much for having.

[2171] It was really, really, really, really fun.

[2172] And Expresso came up It was like in the stars The fact that Expresso came up I loved it and you're always welcome back Oh my god Yeah next time you're in town Let us know Camila returns Yes the return of Camila You could be like the David Starris No but I want to come also and just hang out Because I feel like we would all be such great friends Okay wonderful All right all right well first of all everyone Listen to I love it right now And then watch the video The video's 10 out 10 And then fucking start counting down the days to mid June When the whole album CXXXO comes out All right I adore you.

[2173] I adore you.

[2174] One more visit, and I'm going to be saying, I love you.

[2175] Oh, my God.

[2176] I think that's how it feels, yes.

[2177] I adore you.

[2178] I can't wait to come back.

[2179] This was the best thing ever.

[2180] I've been excited about this for literally years.

[2181] Hi there.

[2182] This is Hermium, Hermium.

[2183] If you like that, you're going to love the fact check with Ms. Monica.

[2184] Okay, I'm done chewing.

[2185] Okay.

[2186] You're ready?

[2187] Yeah.

[2188] I'm doing the Finding Your Roots this Friday.

[2189] Oh, that's so fun.

[2190] Friend of the pod, Henry Lewis Gates.

[2191] What was everyone calling?

[2192] them.

[2193] Everyone called Skip.

[2194] Skippy.

[2195] Yeah.

[2196] I just want to know about the shepherd side of my family.

[2197] Like, I already, I've heard so much about the Lobos side.

[2198] My uncle already did, like, a big genealogy thing.

[2199] I know all this lore.

[2200] Some of the family members were killed by Native Americans in Michigan.

[2201] I don't know one thing about the honchels and the shepherds.

[2202] I thought you'd been doing a lot of research.

[2203] Other than my immediate uncles, who I know all murdered everyone.

[2204] But I don't know anything above them.

[2205] I don't know anything about the shepherds, like Papa Bob.

[2206] Yeah, that'll be fun.

[2207] Yeah.

[2208] Are you nervous?

[2209] I'm mixed between like, I'm nervous that they're going to want me to cry at some point.

[2210] I think that they expect you to cry.

[2211] Don't feel obligated to do that.

[2212] I just, it seems common that someone cries.

[2213] Like, he'll hit you with a piece of information that, like, that's what I'm nervous about.

[2214] He's going to be like, are you ready for this?

[2215] And I'm going to find out, I'm going to be like, yeah, I mean, whatever.

[2216] Yeah.

[2217] So it's almost like Christmas present opening.

[2218] Sure.

[2219] I have a little anxiety that my reactions aren't going to be the right ones.

[2220] I get that.

[2221] Whatever your reaction.

[2222] And then conversely, I am considering an open to the notion that I might start bawling for some weird reason.

[2223] You might.

[2224] That's interesting.

[2225] To know you're going to go do a show and you might just start crying in the middle of it.

[2226] Yeah.

[2227] It's different than if you're an actor and you go and you know you have some scene.

[2228] For sure.

[2229] I do think most of the time if you anticipate it, you don't.

[2230] Well, I don't anyway.

[2231] If it's like, oh, this is going to like be.

[2232] Emotional and normally isn't.

[2233] And that's why I could see it actually hitting me because I have no expectation of being emotional.

[2234] As I've told you and I told him, I'm hardly, like, I don't feel any connection to the things people did before me. Like if learning my great, great, great grandfather was like a general in a war, I don't really care.

[2235] I'm like, that sounds like a storybook.

[2236] Yeah, that's true.

[2237] Well, you'll find out.

[2238] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2239] I mostly just want to know the gnarly stuff, as you know.

[2240] Yeah.

[2241] I don't know about all the crooks and the...

[2242] Would you want to find out you had saints in your family or criminals?

[2243] I'm kind of with you on...

[2244] I don't care.

[2245] Right, if you're...

[2246] Someone was a great leader of freedom in India.

[2247] I mean, I guess I'd be like, oh, that's cool.

[2248] That I'm linked somehow to that.

[2249] Yeah.

[2250] But I wouldn't feel guilty if I was linked to something bad.

[2251] No, not at all.

[2252] I don't feel...

[2253] It's more interesting, to be honest.

[2254] But it's interesting, yeah.

[2255] And I am no one to call it.

[2256] Paul, well, I could call my Uncle Randy on the Shepard side, but everyone's gone.

[2257] So I would call my brother, but I know he doesn't give a fuck either.

[2258] Like, I know I'm going to call him.

[2259] You're not going to believe this, but Papa Bob's great, great grandpa, and I'll have lost him already at that point.

[2260] Right, right, exactly.

[2261] I'm my brother.

[2262] My brother never calls me, right?

[2263] We text.

[2264] We talked so infrequently on the phone.

[2265] Yeah.

[2266] And he called me, it must have been Friday night.

[2267] Oh, we were watching the documentary about Immaculate Heart.

[2268] There's a documentary called Rebel Heart.

[2269] Oh.

[2270] It's about the nuns who broke away from the archdiocese.

[2271] Cool.

[2272] Yeah, they were pretty kick -ass.

[2273] It's a pretty good doc.

[2274] And we're watching it, and then my phone rings and it's my brother, and it's late.

[2275] It's like 10 o 'clock at night or 9 o 'clock at night.

[2276] So, of course, my first thought is my mother has passed.

[2277] Oh, my God.

[2278] What else would you think?

[2279] He doesn't call me, and it's night.

[2280] Yeah.

[2281] So I, like, I like, leave the room.

[2282] I'm like, hello?

[2283] And he goes, is that pickleball post?

[2284] Like, is that real or did you get paid to say you liked it?

[2285] Do you really like it?

[2286] Oh, my God.

[2287] Totally reasonable question.

[2288] Yeah.

[2289] And I go, oh, no, no, no, no one paid me. I did it and I love it.

[2290] And he goes, oh, my God, this is great.

[2291] I've been thinking about doing it.

[2292] I've been trying to talk Tammy to doing it.

[2293] And now did Kristen like it?

[2294] I'm like, yeah, she liked it.

[2295] great, I'm going to do it.

[2296] I'm going to order all the shit.

[2297] And it was just all about pickleball.

[2298] So he was just up late.

[2299] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2300] I mean, it wasn't two in the morning.

[2301] It was just like, yes, he probably was scrolling at 9 p .m. Perhaps laying in bed.

[2302] And he got really excited.

[2303] Well, 12.

[2304] No, why 12?

[2305] Aren't they?

[2306] He's in Oregon.

[2307] Oh, yeah.

[2308] Yeah, yeah.

[2309] No time change.

[2310] Oh, yeah.

[2311] That makes more sense.

[2312] Yeah, yeah.

[2313] So it was fun.

[2314] I hope he gets into it.

[2315] And I'm converting my driveway today into a pickleball court.

[2316] So hopefully he can visit me and I can pickleball each other to death.

[2317] That's so fun.

[2318] Did you say you've played yet?

[2319] No, I've been wanting to.

[2320] Oh, fuck is it fun.

[2321] I really want to learn.

[2322] Oh, good.

[2323] It takes the 13 seconds to learn.

[2324] Oh, good.

[2325] The only hard part is the scoring system is so bonkers, but you get used to it.

[2326] Fun.

[2327] What part of the driveway?

[2328] So I'll move the bus back.

[2329] And then I need 40 feet, 20 feet wide.

[2330] Okay.

[2331] And I have it.

[2332] Fine.

[2333] So volleyball court in the grass and pickleball just turned into a sports complex.

[2334] It really did.

[2335] I have an update.

[2336] Oh, okay.

[2337] The place I went to maybe get Kybella and then I got all that skincare stuff.

[2338] Yeah?

[2339] That did not work for me. The skincare stuff?

[2340] Yes.

[2341] It backfired.

[2342] It did.

[2343] Badly.

[2344] Yeah.

[2345] When?

[2346] I miss that because you didn't have a skin outbreak.

[2347] Yes, I did and I still am, but I mean, I'm wearing makeup, so it's less noticeable.

[2348] I'd been on the new regimen for like a week and bad.

[2349] Really bad results.

[2350] Bad, bad results.

[2351] Wow.

[2352] So that whole excursion was not worth it.

[2353] Okay.

[2354] That was bad.

[2355] But you know what?

[2356] You live and you learn it.

[2357] You try stuff.

[2358] You try stuff.

[2359] Some stuff works, some stuff doesn't.

[2360] You keep trying.

[2361] Yeah, it's frustrating.

[2362] Yeah.

[2363] It's a frustrating process.

[2364] I am going to another place.

[2365] Oh.

[2366] Tomorrow.

[2367] Oh, my God.

[2368] To just get another consultation.

[2369] Okay.

[2370] About maybe some chin filler.

[2371] Okay.

[2372] Or whatever.

[2373] I just want to get their opinion.

[2374] Sure, sure, sure.

[2375] But you're, Kybella's done.

[2376] You're not, that's off the table.

[2377] Not 100%, but I'm mostly done with it.

[2378] The comments which you wouldn't read, they were a very mixed bag for people who have done it.

[2379] Really?

[2380] Yeah.

[2381] So I'll just leave it at that.

[2382] I don't wish to disparage anything I don't know much about, but very mixed bag.

[2383] Now some people loved it.

[2384] Yeah.

[2385] But it was definitely not the kind of unanimity you would want.

[2386] Okay.

[2387] before, you know.

[2388] Yeah.

[2389] Like you don't ever hear people go, I hated my Botox.

[2390] I have heard that.

[2391] Yes, but only because if it's too much, you can look so stiff.

[2392] Frozen.

[2393] Yes.

[2394] Frozen face syndrome.

[2395] So people don't like that.

[2396] Yeah, but that's what you're going to get.

[2397] That's the worst case.

[2398] And that can't be unexpected.

[2399] Like, that's how it works.

[2400] You can't move your fucking forehead.

[2401] I know, but if they do small amounts and in the right places, it can be fine.

[2402] You can still have some movement and some expression is just not so many wrinkles.

[2403] Okay.

[2404] But some people, it gets stuck.

[2405] Like Bell's palsy.

[2406] Yeah.

[2407] And one, I heard one story of someone, oh, maybe that was filler.

[2408] But, like, it made their eye all droopy.

[2409] Oh, wow.

[2410] Yeah.

[2411] And then they just had the filler removed?

[2412] Yeah, it dissolved.

[2413] And it went back to normal?

[2414] I think so.

[2415] That's the thing with filler is it can be dissolved.

[2416] So I might try it.

[2417] I might not.

[2418] I don't know.

[2419] Yeah, they use.

[2420] I think hyerolonic acid dissolves it.

[2421] Oh, really?

[2422] That's also what is used often in the filler.

[2423] Oh, then maybe I haven't got that wrong.

[2424] Maybe it is hyerolonic acid.

[2425] Sometimes it's hyaluronic acid in the lips.

[2426] Oh, it is.

[2427] That's a common, yeah.

[2428] Okay.

[2429] Anywho.

[2430] And there's another place I want to go to also for a consulate.

[2431] I want to just like see.

[2432] Sample all these places.

[2433] Yeah, before I make any major decision.

[2434] What's that, what's the other place offer?

[2435] Something not.

[2436] Same.

[2437] All the same style.

[2438] Yeah, I guess there's no one has like a totally unique approach to this.

[2439] There's like 10 or 12 products, I guess.

[2440] Except in like Korea, they do all kinds of stuff.

[2441] Sophisticated stuff.

[2442] Well, yeah, I was listening to this one podcast and this guy went there.

[2443] I don't know if he got it or if he was singing about getting like, it's called like Tiny Face.

[2444] Oh.

[2445] What happens with Tiny Face?

[2446] They think, they, like, make your face like tiny.

[2447] They shrink your face?

[2448] I don't know about that.

[2449] Can you look it up?

[2450] Tiny phase surgery.

[2451] Oh, surgery.

[2452] It's like plastic surgery.

[2453] This is all technically plastic surgery.

[2454] No, filler's not plastic surgery.

[2455] You're right.

[2456] It's not.

[2457] But it's cosmetic.

[2458] Well, what do you call it?

[2459] I don't know, because the filler's non -surgical.

[2460] Botox is non -surgical.

[2461] It's non -surgical.

[2462] Ky Bella's.

[2463] Cosmetic surgery.

[2464] Non -surgical cosmetic surgery All I'm seeing is stuff about someone nicknamed Tiny getting plastic surgery on her face.

[2465] Oh, how did it turn out nice?

[2466] Elegant?

[2467] It's fine.

[2468] Hard to know.

[2469] Are you talking about Tiny Harris's plastic surgery?

[2470] Tamika, Tiny Harris is all I'm getting results for.

[2471] Yeah, me too.

[2472] That's weird.

[2473] Maybe it's not called that.

[2474] It sounds so scientific.

[2475] I know.

[2476] I'm shocked.

[2477] It's not called that.

[2478] It'd be so crazy.

[2479] So scientific.

[2480] It wasn't called that.

[2481] But anyway, so we shall see what happens.

[2482] TBD.

[2483] TBD on my face.

[2484] When is that appointment?

[2485] Tomorrow?

[2486] Tomorrow afternoon.

[2487] Okay.

[2488] Speaking of faces, this is for Camila Cabello.

[2489] She has a beautiful face.

[2490] She has a lovely face.

[2491] And we actually talk about being photogenic.

[2492] She said she didn't really feel photogenic.

[2493] And then we talked about having different sides of our faces that we like.

[2494] Yeah, she has a side.

[2495] I do remember that.

[2496] She has a side.

[2497] She has a side.

[2498] I have a side.

[2499] You don't have a side, right?

[2500] I do think one side is preferred, but not so extreme.

[2501] Yeah, I didn't say specifically in the episode, but my nose was broken in a fight, and it is curved.

[2502] So one side does look much different than the other.

[2503] I think my left side is better, I think.

[2504] Yeah, I think.

[2505] My right side is preferable.

[2506] Well, there you go.

[2507] There it is.

[2508] There you have it.

[2509] Well, what was crazy?

[2510] I'm kind of nervous to say it, but none of the.

[2511] This is negative.

[2512] Okay.

[2513] None of this is negative.

[2514] So we hugged, we met, we hugged, and, you know, she's friends with Liz.

[2515] This is before you got up here, and so we were chatting.

[2516] And it wasn't a perfume, but, like, I smelled her pheromones.

[2517] I had a smell.

[2518] Oh, really?

[2519] It was not negative, so that's why I want to be clear about that.

[2520] Okay.

[2521] And I was like, what's?

[2522] I know that smell.

[2523] Mm. And then, like, some minutes into the interview, I pinpointed the smell.

[2524] Okay.

[2525] And it was from a friend of mine had that exact same smell.

[2526] Uh -huh.

[2527] And I was like, oh, it's this.

[2528] And then I looked at her face and she has the exact same face as that friend.

[2529] Interesting.

[2530] Your friend, I know who you're talking about it.

[2531] She's of Italian descent, right?

[2532] Yes.

[2533] She's not Latina.

[2534] Yes.

[2535] But their features are the same.

[2536] Oh, wow.

[2537] And I guess their expressions, the way their face moves was the same.

[2538] and then they had the same smell.

[2539] And it was wild.

[2540] I, like, really was in my head about it for some minutes.

[2541] Well, you know, I have this opinion that there's way fewer versions of humans than we want to acknowledge.

[2542] I meet people all the time that are almost carbon copies of other people.

[2543] And then I was also even thinking of this.

[2544] I was watching a woman, in fact, this morning, after I dropped the kids up at school, I was watching her cross the street.

[2545] And she had such a specific face and look on her face that I was like, I know what her personality is.

[2546] I would bet my life on that I know what her personality is.

[2547] And then I was thinking like, what direction does it go?

[2548] Is that you have a face, you present to the world with this face, people treat you a certain way, it informs your personality.

[2549] I hate to say it, but I feel pretty confident that I can predict people's personality pretty good when I look at their face.

[2550] I generally know what's coming.

[2551] Yeah.

[2552] And then you see all these copies of other people all over the place.

[2553] It's true, but sometimes it'll surprise you.

[2554] And then that's fun.

[2555] Like, I find that to be so fun when someone's personality does not match my, like...

[2556] Preconceived notion.

[2557] Yeah.

[2558] That is fun.

[2559] But I agree with you.

[2560] But even take, like, Zach Braff and I, we're not terribly dissimilar, even our personalities.

[2561] That's true.

[2562] You know?

[2563] Yeah, interesting.

[2564] I think you're right.

[2565] I should have gone out of the car and just said, hi, how's it going?

[2566] She went, oh, what?

[2567] I'm so sorry.

[2568] I just wanted to chat with you for two seconds to confirm that you have the personality I think you had from looking at your face.

[2569] No, I just, I wouldn't describe a personality as negative or positive.

[2570] I just knew what it was going to be.

[2571] And what did you think about it?

[2572] We don't know her, so it's fine.

[2573] I'd have to look at her again to really remember all the ways I knew she was.

[2574] She had this little dog and the way she was walking across the street.

[2575] I was like, she's not very friendly and she's a little bit princessy and she's a lot of products at home.

[2576] Like she's so many products in her shower.

[2577] and stuff.

[2578] Oh, okay.

[2579] And there's like some solitude.

[2580] She's more of a solitary creature, and she likes to be in her apartment, like, doing all these products and stuff, and she has this dog.

[2581] And I just, I could, you know, I could really see what.

[2582] How old?

[2583] 30s.

[2584] Oh, wasn't me?

[2585] No, no, no, no, it wasn't you.

[2586] Um, I like products.

[2587] I know what you mean, though.

[2588] Like, you meet a big guy, like a big blonde guy with, like, big, big, short.

[2589] shoulders and kind of like a little jowl -y, you know, he's got like, like, maybe like just jowl -y.

[2590] Does that make sense?

[2591] Kind of?

[2592] You know, I'm like, oh, that guy's going to be so friendly.

[2593] I can just tell.

[2594] And I know that guy is going to be friendly.

[2595] Oh, that's funny.

[2596] I didn't.

[2597] You didn't go there.

[2598] You're probably portraying a different.

[2599] Jowl.

[2600] Big guy than me, yeah, with the kind of soft chin.

[2601] Like the other Kelsey brother.

[2602] I don't know when he looks like enough.

[2603] He looks like that.

[2604] Oh, he does?

[2605] And is he friendly?

[2606] Yeah.

[2607] Maybe that big, robust manly chin.

[2608] Like, I feel like I know what's coming.

[2609] But then this is the opposite of what we talked about last fact check with the podcast I was listening to and the voice and like my idea was so wrong.

[2610] Well, but actually what's interesting is what we just talked about, ding, ding, ding is if you change the general outline of your face with some chin and jawline filler, there will potentially be a little bit of a mismatch.

[2611] And then I'll be curious to see if your personality catches up with the, yeah.

[2612] This is a social experiment.

[2613] It is.

[2614] I almost need you to do it now to see if we observe.

[2615] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2616] I saw someone like that, not knowing it was him.

[2617] Yeah, I have an idea of that person's personality, but it's not that they're friendly.

[2618] He's also wearing a football jersey, so that's a little, you know, there's some built -in, like, aggressiveness that you associate with the sport.

[2619] I think if I see that person, I assume they played football at some point.

[2620] You do.

[2621] Yeah.

[2622] What if they're wearing a peach colored shirt?

[2623] Southern played football.

[2624] Oh, yeah, right.

[2625] Southern is interesting.

[2626] They wear, they definitely wear more colors in the South.

[2627] I noticed that.

[2628] And polos shirts.

[2629] They love their polos and their khakis.

[2630] Yeah, they do.

[2631] Colorful shirts.

[2632] Yeah, they sure do.

[2633] Culture is hilarious.

[2634] It is.

[2635] You think everything's objective and it's just not.

[2636] Nothing is interesting.

[2637] You think there's like, yeah, right.

[2638] But, I mean, you feel like it.

[2639] You go like, like, if I'm here in L .A., I go like, oh, that's kind of goofy to wear a peach.

[2640] And here it is.

[2641] But it isn't innately goofy to wear a peach colored shirt.

[2642] I agree.

[2643] But also, I think L .A. is kind of one of the reasons I like it is I think you can wear whatever you want here.

[2644] Like, it does not matter.

[2645] You can be so dressed up next to someone so casual.

[2646] Everyone looks normal and fine.

[2647] I like that about the city.

[2648] And it's unique to this city.

[2649] Well, what I like even more specifically, and I have said this on here a few times, there's not a dress code for wealth.

[2650] So there's not like a built -in status dress code.

[2651] That's what I like the very most.

[2652] Like in Michigan, as you climb the socioeconomic ladder, you go to polos, you go to khakis.

[2653] And the brands of the polos and the khakis change.

[2654] Then you go to like, it's just, it's like so prescriptive.

[2655] And it is a marker of your status.

[2656] Yes.

[2657] And I don't like dressing that way.

[2658] So I like living in a city where you don't have to wear a certain outfit to.

[2659] Well, because actually, I think here, what's prized is having your own style.

[2660] Mm -hmm.

[2661] Whatever that means, as long as it's you.

[2662] Right.

[2663] And in some other places in the country, it's not that.

[2664] It's like, yes, everyone needs to look kind of the same.

[2665] Mm -hmm.

[2666] Then that shows, like, a marker of where you are.

[2667] Yeah, I was even thinking.

[2668] I was somewhere and I was on my high horse about just the concept, oh, it was in India.

[2669] Did I already say this?

[2670] What?

[2671] I was thinking about we were in India and I had walked behind the hotel.

[2672] And it was just like this big trash heap all throughout the back of it.

[2673] And I was just sitting there looking out and I was thinking about the fact that this is a palace that's very old.

[2674] And I was thinking about the English being there.

[2675] I was thinking about manners.

[2676] And I was thinking, oh my God.

[2677] think I understand for the first time why manners even exist.

[2678] I think for you to morally feel okay about going to a place and subjugating a group of people into doing basically slavery, you have to tell yourself, you are higher on the hierarchy.

[2679] But this is somehow natural and normal.

[2680] And so you have to start really defining a bunch of arbitrary things that are outward displays that you are, in fact, superior.

[2681] Yeah.

[2682] We eat more civilized.

[2683] We eat with our backup and we have our hand on and we use this.

[2684] So I think all these customs, the customs go up and up and up and up as you climb this status ladder.

[2685] And I think they're like bizarre symbols to justify why they're different.

[2686] They're more civilized.

[2687] Yeah, for sure.

[2688] they're proving it's innate.

[2689] Yeah, just like, well, look, it's obvious that they're, they're not civilized and we are.

[2690] You can't just say that if you're all wearing the same clothes and eating the same way, and there's really nothing to even point to.

[2691] You've got to kind of make up all this stuff to make yourself feel like, yeah, yeah, these people are like, A, they're happy to do this labor because that's what they would do anyways.

[2692] They're like 200 years behind us.

[2693] So this thing we're giving them, which sucks for us, is still an improvement for them because we're different.

[2694] And this is the proof of it.

[2695] We have collared shirts with buttons and whatever all this stuff is.

[2696] Yeah.

[2697] I used to just think of it as like, oh, it evolved because people had discretionary income.

[2698] They wanted to display their status.

[2699] And of course, that just evolved into more and more elaborate pageantry.

[2700] But I think there's something a little more deeper in that that it's like it's also a justification for why you don't have to clean your house and someone else does.

[2701] especially in a place where it's not black, white.

[2702] Yes.

[2703] If you can't ascribe race to it.

[2704] In fact, I was listening to this professor talk about that slavery is not unique at all to the U .S. and our history with it.

[2705] The only thing that's unique about it is that it was race organized.

[2706] Generally, it was just a foreign group of people, or it was a different religion.

[2707] They were allowed to be enslaved.

[2708] There are all these different ways that they're less human than you.

[2709] And that really races a new one, relatively new.

[2710] Like in Egypt, they had slaves.

[2711] Yeah.

[2712] But they weren't different -colored people.

[2713] They were still indigenous to that.

[2714] They didn't bring anyone over.

[2715] They didn't bring anyone over.

[2716] So they had to draw a different arbitrary line of why this group deserved to be doing all the labor and this one didn't.

[2717] So it had to be like a religion or something.

[2718] Yeah, that's, I mean, that's the caste system is.

[2719] Yeah, I think it might even have been, I don't know.

[2720] The Americans didn't need to do any other shit because they were just white.

[2721] That was their, like the explanation stopped there.

[2722] We're white and we're more whatever evolved or whatever they were saying.

[2723] Yeah.

[2724] They didn't need to have the level of detail and manners and pageantry.

[2725] You know, that makes sense?

[2726] Yeah, but there's still manners here.

[2727] Like, the more wealthy you get, the more manners are expected.

[2728] Yes.

[2729] And especially in certain parts of the country.

[2730] Yeah, but do you think it's deeper in the South?

[2731] I feel like manners are a bigger thing.

[2732] They're big in the South.

[2733] Yeah, they're really big in the South.

[2734] And the way you talk to people is really big too.

[2735] It's like ma 'am and Mr. and all these different things.

[2736] I have to feel like those are a bit vestigial of that whole period.

[2737] Yeah, probably.

[2738] Like we have to display we're more civilized at all time, or we're going to start having to acknowledge no world just people.

[2739] And then this is nuts.

[2740] I'm so, so on manners, because...

[2741] Well, I hate them.

[2742] Well, there are things I like about certain manners.

[2743] Like, I think...

[2744] Hit me with some you like.

[2745] I mean, I think politeness is good.

[2746] Well, that's civil...

[2747] That's civility.

[2748] Yeah.

[2749] I believe in civility.

[2750] But what should be worn at a dinner table is crazy.

[2751] I agree.

[2752] It doesn't mean...

[2753] What are we talking about?

[2754] What side silverware is on is in...

[2755] It's insanity.

[2756] I agree.

[2757] I agree with all that.

[2758] Your hand, what you...

[2759] you cut what hand you cut with, whether your napkins on your lap or it's on the table.

[2760] Now, there's like, I get that.

[2761] Should you be burping really loud?

[2762] Right.

[2763] No, but that's because it actually causes someone to lose their appetite around you because you're smelling food.

[2764] How do you feel about chewing with your mouth open or closed?

[2765] Yeah, it doesn't bother me either.

[2766] No, and talking with your mouth, though, I don't care.

[2767] Now, if you have shit falling out of your mouth while you're talking, that's an issue.

[2768] But, like, just the activity of the mouth moving like this while I'm talking.

[2769] No, it's like we're eating.

[2770] Because they were like the natives chew like that.

[2771] We're going to learn to chew with our mouth closed.

[2772] It's like so unnatural for us.

[2773] No animal choose with its fucking mouth closed other than humans.

[2774] That's really true.

[2775] Yeah.

[2776] They're like, oh, look at these indigenous people.

[2777] They're chewing our mouth open.

[2778] We're going to force ourselves to keep our lips closed while we chew.

[2779] It'll be totally unnatural, but we'll do it.

[2780] Yeah.

[2781] Okay, I'm looking up common table manners.

[2782] Okay.

[2783] Chew with your mouth closed.

[2784] Wait to eat.

[2785] that is a manners thing and I agree with that or I abide by that anyway well what's interesting about that is I understand again it seems like civility but there's nothing I hate worse than when I'm someplace my thing hasn't come and people are waiting to eat because of me I'm like eat and they're like no it's so and I'm like no I'm telling you this is way worse for me this favor you're doing me I feel terrible no one's eating you all got your food I just mean that got it we shouldn't all suffer because I didn't get mine well I do reject that really right Well, I reject it, but I think it's fine to have the dance of waiting and then you saying, no, everyone, eat.

[2786] And then, okay.

[2787] Well, that's fine.

[2788] That's like opening a door for someone.

[2789] Right.

[2790] I just think, like, it's acknowledging your food hasn't come yet and we'll do this together.

[2791] But again, I think it's getting confused about what the actual value of the activity is.

[2792] The value is all sitting in a circle together.

[2793] Now, whether four of the people are chewing and three aren't in their weight.

[2794] I think people get distracted by what the value is.

[2795] Like, no, we all eat at the same time.

[2796] Why?

[2797] The thing that's special is we've all gathered together and we're staring at each other in a circle.

[2798] I think part of it, though, is that it's actually to prevent someone from being done very early so that the other person doesn't then feel like rush to finish.

[2799] But again, why would anyone feel rushed to finish?

[2800] This would be another crazy thing.

[2801] Well, I have because I'm a pretty slow eater, or I used to be a pretty slow eater.

[2802] You feel people are like clamoring to get up and leave the table?

[2803] Well, if they're finished with their food and 90 % of my food left, I do think, oh, I should get a move on.

[2804] No, okay, there's a manner I'll sign on, too, is just like, you don't desert one person at the table while they finish.

[2805] You don't, like, bounce and go, I'm going to watch TV that's taken too long.

[2806] Now, that, that to me is rude.

[2807] Yeah.

[2808] Because you've left someone alone.

[2809] Oh, that's interesting.

[2810] See, my family didn't have that.

[2811] It was like, well, normally we didn't even eat all at the same time.

[2812] We didn't eat together.

[2813] But if we did, on like a weekday, kind of, yeah.

[2814] Not now.

[2815] That wouldn't happen now.

[2816] Yeah.

[2817] Because I think we care more about all talking.

[2818] But when it was just like, let's just like eat our food and be done, go back to whatever we were doing individually.

[2819] Yeah.

[2820] Okay.

[2821] So uncivilized.

[2822] No wonder the Brits were there.

[2823] Exactly.

[2824] Well, my dad does spill food out of his mouth all the time.

[2825] Oh, God, I wouldn't mind it all.

[2826] But I don't want them to belch really loud and stinkily.

[2827] I don't either.

[2828] And farting at the table shouldn't be done.

[2829] No, but you've done it.

[2830] Yeah, of course.

[2831] I paid for this place.

[2832] Oh, God.

[2833] Okay, do not stretch across the table.

[2834] I stand behind that.

[2835] What's that mean?

[2836] I think it means don't.

[2837] No, it means reach for something.

[2838] Oh.

[2839] Because that's another thing I think it's a little crazy, like waiting forever for someone to pass you something that you can reach oh that's a big no -no i think you only need to do that if you can't reach it um no i think like here's here's one i would say that no so there's someone to your right and you're going to reach over their plate but not over it you're going to reach in front of it and pass their plate i think in that case that was rude you were supposed to ask them like could you pass me the green beans yeah but fucking grab it yeah watch yourself when you're doing it's like you've just met your family or something.

[2840] Everyone's tiptoeing around.

[2841] This isn't for family.

[2842] No, this is my stepdad who was like hell bent on the fucking thing.

[2843] He was control free.

[2844] Yeah, but that was pretty customary.

[2845] Yeah, I guess you're right.

[2846] I guess you're right.

[2847] Everyone was supposed to sit there and eat with good manners because it's practice for when you're out in the world.

[2848] Right.

[2849] But I do think that is the goal.

[2850] It is practice for when you're not with your family.

[2851] But again, it's insane.

[2852] I mean, yeah.

[2853] It's like people don't think.

[2854] Like, as people know, I permit some swearing in the house.

[2855] Right.

[2856] But they know they can't swear at school, and they're not stupid.

[2857] I can explain to them, you're allowed to do this here and not there, and they get it.

[2858] So I could tell them, hey, when you're at your buddy's house, don't reach across grandma to grab the mashed potatoes.

[2859] That doesn't mean we have to practice that.

[2860] Yeah.

[2861] I also don't care about the reaching.

[2862] Proper placement of the napkin.

[2863] Juke.

[2864] Always drink from a glass.

[2865] Yeah, right.

[2866] Like don't have a Coke can or a cup.

[2867] a bottle of soda.

[2868] Oh, I see.

[2869] I don't care of that.

[2870] Milk carton.

[2871] Yeah.

[2872] A gallon of milk.

[2873] A pitcher of Kool -Aid and one guy's drinking a gallon of milk.

[2874] I mean, there are houses.

[2875] Drinking out of the coffee pot.

[2876] Anyone want coffee?

[2877] Yeah, hand me that.

[2878] And then they just drink out of the pot.

[2879] No, yeah.

[2880] This says avoid.

[2881] reaching.

[2882] So I think do not stretch across the table means like don't lay on the table.

[2883] It can't be a rule.

[2884] No one has to be told not to lay on the table.

[2885] I think some kids need to be told that.

[2886] Elbows, that's a big one.

[2887] Why?

[2888] I know.

[2889] I know.

[2890] I agree.

[2891] I don't care.

[2892] I mean, insanity.

[2893] It's a posture thing probably.

[2894] But why do people care what people's posture is?

[2895] Also, yes, I don't care if you're bananaed up at this.

[2896] That's your fucking, you and your back and your chiropractor.

[2897] Oh my God, never blow your food.

[2898] I've never heard that.

[2899] I mean, you have to sometimes.

[2900] It's too hot.

[2901] I haven't forbid someone blows on their food.

[2902] I know.

[2903] Anyway, I agree that this is silly.

[2904] But I do care about politeness.

[2905] I'm not even sure I've fully signed on to politeness.

[2906] Really?

[2907] Because if you go to Sweden and you look at it through their eyes, I agree with them as well.

[2908] Like, it's insincere, it's pageantry, and it's not real.

[2909] They, like I told you, I met a kid that was a foreign exchange shoot in Georgia and she was like the amount of like hey baby how are you doing what's your day have a great day all this stuff that's not politeness well no I think a lot of people would say that's being polite I think maybe I mean that's like southern hospitality friendly but politeness is like excuse me yeah thank you thank you please yeah yeah that feels nice absolutely yeah just respect yeah but yeah over friendliness no I'm not for that either or like Fake friendliness.

[2910] Yeah.

[2911] Okay, so a couple of facts for her.

[2912] Rations in Cuba.

[2913] The vast majority of Cuban families rely for their food intake on the Libretta de Abbas de Simeanto, which literally means supplies booklet, distribution system, and stated on March 12, 1962.

[2914] The system establishes the rations each person is allowed to buy through the system and the frequency of supplies.

[2915] Cuba is a fascinating place to go to.

[2916] yeah yeah you went there i went there it's a beautiful place the people are radical the food is awesome for sure but what is also obvious is the moment they went to communism every single bit of maintenance stopped it's just like they had money in the bank that capitalism built and then they just drew from it every day for 70 years every buildings crumbled in like there's just the cars have not been updated.

[2917] You just see it's so physical and observable.

[2918] What was she shooting there again?

[2919] House of lies.

[2920] Oh, yeah.

[2921] Okay, adaptive coping versus maladaptive coping.

[2922] This came up a few times.

[2923] Adaptive coping characterizes a person who deals with stressors through personal growth, optimism, solution -focused actions, creativity, and flexibility.

[2924] Different coping approaches, problem solving, reaching out for support, changing our expectations to better fit the situation, regulating stress -related emotions, taking actions to reduce stress, such as breathing techniques, changing the way we think about the stressor.

[2925] Okay.

[2926] Now, maladaptive coping strategies may be more likely to be in the toolbox if there are overwhelming stressors or trauma or if there was maltreatment neglect during childhood or exposure to emotional invalidation.

[2927] These strategies provide temporary relief, but they don't address the problem.

[2928] Cigarettes, booze, drugs, sex, food.

[2929] Pretty much.

[2930] Substance use, rumination, physical escape, mental escape, their disassociation, numbing, excessive daydreaming, procrastination, self -injury, binge -eating behavior, blame, self -blame, and self -criticism, avoidance, and safety behaviors.

[2931] behaviors that temporarily relieve anxiety, but actually reinforce the perception that the stressor is a threat.

[2932] Maladaptive.

[2933] Maladaptive.

[2934] Okay, Havana, you said, has the most streams of a solo female artist.

[2935] That made me want to look up...

[2936] Havana, banana.

[2937] Good song.

[2938] Want to look up the most streamed songs on Spotify.

[2939] Okay.

[2940] Number one.

[2941] Of all time.

[2942] Mm -hmm.

[2943] Blinding Lights by the Weekend is number one.

[2944] Streams.

[2945] I don't know if I know that song.

[2946] Blinding lights.

[2947] You just added a stream.

[2948] You've heard it.

[2949] Ding, ding, ding, ding.

[2950] I think I thought this was like a British singer.

[2951] Oh, yeah.

[2952] He's not Canadian, isn't he?

[2953] That's Drake.

[2954] Drake is Canadian, yeah.

[2955] Have you been following Drake and Kendrick Lamar in a big dust up?

[2956] No, what's happening?

[2957] They're both writing songs about each other.

[2958] Oh, boy.

[2959] Yeah, it's quite, it's overtaken.

[2960] It's a beef?

[2961] Yeah.

[2962] Okay, number two is Shape of You, Ed Sheeran, friend of the pot.

[2963] Ah, yeah, yeah.

[2964] Three is someone you loved by Louis Capaldi.

[2965] Vince Giroldi?

[2966] Vincent Goraldi, Peanuts.

[2967] What's it called?

[2968] Someone you love.

[2969] Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi.

[2970] Oh.

[2971] Oh, I love this song.

[2972] This song is number three most stream songs of all time?

[2973] I have a guess why.

[2974] Is it a remake?

[2975] Well, that's a good question.

[2976] But here's my theory on why it's third.

[2977] Okay.

[2978] Because if you love a dance song, you like listen to it twice and you dance to it and then you move on to another dance song, when you're super sad and the song's hitting the right note, you hit it repeat and you listen to it like 350 times.

[2979] Totally.

[2980] Yes.

[2981] Agreed.

[2982] Four is Sunflower from Spider -Man into the universe.

[2983] Is that cold play?

[2984] No, it's Post Malone.

[2985] And Sway Lee.

[2986] Are you sure about that?

[2987] No, I'm not.

[2988] Then Starboy by The Weekend and Daft Punk.

[2989] Weekend's big.

[2990] I don't know anything about the weekend.

[2991] Really?

[2992] Yeah.

[2993] Is he the one who had the HBO show that was?

[2994] Yeah.

[2995] Idol?

[2996] Yeah.

[2997] Six is as it was by Harry Stiles.

[2998] Seven, one dance, Drake, Wiz Kid, and Kyla.

[2999] Eight.

[3000] This now sounds like you're hosting the Billboard charts.

[3001] You do a lot of different hosting gigs I do.

[3002] You were doing best cinematographer.

[3003] No, you were doing best score for the Academy Awards recently.

[3004] Hans Zimmer.

[3005] Yes, Han Zimmer.

[3006] But now you're doing Billboard.

[3007] Like Grammys?

[3008] Grammys.

[3009] This feels more billboards.

[3010] Let's be honest.

[3011] I have to work on it to get to Grammy status.

[3012] Okay, eight is stay with Justin Bieber.

[3013] Nine, dance monkey, Tones and I. And 10, Believer Imagine Dragons.

[3014] I'll just do 10, but I have 100 on here.

[3015] I thought that was, I was surprised.

[3016] By that list?

[3017] Yeah.

[3018] I don't know what I was expecting.

[3019] There's no Taylor.

[3020] Was there any women?

[3021] No. None.

[3022] I don't see.

[3023] This is interesting because the first female solo artist I see on here is duelipa.

[3024] Don't start now.

[3025] That makes sense.

[3026] I see Billy Eilish, 17?

[3027] But with...

[3028] The I see 19, but that's with Khalid.

[3029] Yeah, with Kalid.

[3030] So Duolipa is the first I see alone, solo, and that's at 22.

[3031] So I don't see Havana.

[3032] No, that was of that year.

[3033] Oh, of that year!

[3034] Yeah, I said that when I said it.

[3035] It was of that year.

[3036] 2018?

[3037] Okay, I didn't...

[3038] It wasn't clear to me that that's what you meant.

[3039] I thought of all time.

[3040] Oh, no, no, no. It was of that year.

[3041] Okay.

[3042] Oh, you said you have an eight -year -old and an 11 -year -old.

[3043] I did.

[3044] Yeah.

[3045] You have a nine -year -old and an 11 -year -old.

[3046] And...

[3047] Yeah, that's fine.

[3048] It's weird when they're a year apart.

[3049] Yeah.

[3050] Between December and April.

[3051] Yeah.

[3052] They were nine and ten.

[3053] So weird.

[3054] And that feels weird.

[3055] I don't know why I said eight.

[3056] Well, whatever.

[3057] You just made a mistake.

[3058] I mean, you just made a mistake.

[3059] You remember what my dad used to do.

[3060] He was always off by a year or two.

[3061] He made you older, though, right?

[3062] You know, he made me younger, which is why it was so funny because I already looked way too big for my real age.

[3063] And then he would hit him with the fact that he was like, can you believe he's only 11?

[3064] I was like 13.

[3065] I was like 5 .11.

[3066] Oh, my God.

[3067] And I think people would be concerned that I had acromegaly or something.

[3068] Yeah, sure.

[3069] Sure.

[3070] His little guy's only eight.

[3071] I'm smoking a cigarette with a mustache.

[3072] Well, that's it for Camila.

[3073] She was so fun.

[3074] Yeah, she was.

[3075] Genuine fan of the show, which makes it so fun.

[3076] for us.

[3077] It really does.

[3078] It's so flattering.

[3079] It is.

[3080] It's kind of the dream I had.

[3081] Because when you go to Stern, Stern has this upper hand where it's like anyone that goes there, they love the show.

[3082] They want to do good on the show.

[3083] I was excited that was my time on Stern.

[3084] Yeah.

[3085] And for a handful of the guests we've had, it's kind of that.

[3086] And I love being on that side of it.

[3087] Stern must really enjoy that.

[3088] I hope so.

[3089] He should.

[3090] He should.

[3091] It's a big feather.

[3092] in his cap.

[3093] Something happened on connections that I wanted to bring up.

[3094] It wasn't, I don't think it was a wink, but.

[3095] A side eye?

[3096] There was something weird because, did we say something about Spanish?

[3097] No. I mean, that's a big umbrella.

[3098] When we were talking about connections in Wina and to tell us.

[3099] No. Okay.

[3100] I think of that there was Spanish pronouns yesterday?

[3101] Yeah, but I thought maybe before that we had mentioned when we were going through, like be really obvious say this um do our initials right we didn't say that but that would have been a good one yeah I mean today MLP DRS I hated it I was proud of myself I got that one first I hated it because I'm been like waiting for a car thing I know and then it was a dyslexia car thing I know she might have been winking oh that was a side eye that was definitely she mad dog Or one of these.

[3102] Oh, yeah, over it.

[3103] She's over it.

[3104] Oh, gosh.

[3105] All right.

[3106] Well, that's it.

[3107] Love you.