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[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Goodbye.
[16] Hello, hi.
[17] No, hello.
[18] Hello and hi.
[19] And greetings.
[20] And greetings and welcome.
[21] And salutations.
[22] Uh -huh.
[23] Goodbye.
[24] Later days, nerd.
[25] This is my favorite murder of the minisode.
[26] Yep, where you write a shit and we read it back to you.
[27] You know how it goes.
[28] It's easy.
[29] It's fun.
[30] Do you want to start?
[31] Okay.
[32] Do it.
[33] All right.
[34] So, of course, we got a bunch of Paul Hulls stuff from last week and Golden State Killer stuff.
[35] Great.
[36] So here's one called Paul Holes and Scary Druids.
[37] Druids?
[38] Uh -huh.
[39] Druids.
[40] How are you after the Paul Holes episode, by the way?
[41] Let's do a check -in.
[42] I mean, I'm a different person now.
[43] The world has been shook.
[44] Hello there, Karen, Georgia, and Stanimals.
[45] I don't know what that means.
[46] Stephen and Animals?
[47] Oh, that's funny.
[48] I don't know.
[49] My stepdad has been working for San Ramon and neighboring police forces since the mid -80s, so naturally I've been asking a million questions.
[50] since the Golden State Killer arrest.
[51] I asked him if he had any experiences working the case because he was a detective at the time, and he mentioned that he worked alongside Paul motherfucking holes.
[52] Is that what they wrote?
[53] All caps.
[54] Paul motherfucking holes.
[55] Although he didn't have a personal experience with the Golden State Killer, he did tell me a story about a cold case that he and Poles worked on back in the day.
[56] And I'll start with a lady who was a druid or something like that and participated in animal sacrifices and was on enough medication that she could probably fill.
[57] up a bathtub with it.
[58] Her house had a creepy Adam's family vibe to it, and she had a son that lived in Southern California.
[59] One day, after she hadn't been seen around for a week, a friend or family member went to check on her and discovered her on the floor with her head bashed in.
[60] Whoa.
[61] I know.
[62] My stepdad and Paul holes were on the scene.
[63] Allegedly someone beat her face in with a baseball bat, came back three days later, and placed urine on her, either poured or on or peed on.
[64] Jesus.
[65] And then sealed up the house completely.
[66] Police dogs tracked a scent down to the BART station where they found a different bat that wasn't actually used.
[67] Weird.
[68] She wrote only with strange code in a collection of journals.
[69] And once some were transcribed, they learned that she thought a blue demon lived inside of her head and could only be eliminated if her head was smashed in completely after her death.
[70] What?
[71] Her son, how did we never heard of this?
[72] She wrote that in her own diary.
[73] Mm -hmm.
[74] Okay.
[75] Her son was a major suspect, but was found in a bathtub in Southern California with his wrists and neck cut open dead.
[76] Maybe a suicide pact.
[77] On his desk, a note titled, People Who Should Die had his mom's name at the top.
[78] Meanwhile, somewhere in her house, my stepdad discovered an addict, probably in her attic.
[79] Attic.
[80] With around 100 dead rats in it.
[81] what in the fuck he found it because there was blood dripping from the ceiling after being in that room my stepdad contracted a rare disease called cue fever and almost died because the doctors tested for everything else before testing for that wait is the subject line of this email lies and more lies i don't know man he checks out this is intense get paul guess what paul's here just comes out of the closet just continual surprises oh my god he just comes in every episode I just end up having a nervous breakdown.
[82] To this day, it's unsure exactly how he contracted the fever, but my guess was exposure to that nasty shit.
[83] Yeah, a pile of fucking rats.
[84] Yeah, you breathe that shit in.
[85] You know, you lick them, a couple of them.
[86] Just to see.
[87] It's a test.
[88] It's made of cocaine.
[89] Paul holes tracked down what must have been the type of bat used and where it was probably purchased, which is insane.
[90] My stepdad recalls how efficient and thorough Paul was as a criminologist and detective.
[91] He said that Paul dedicated 100 % of himself to every case and wasn't in it for the glory like some detectives are.
[92] Well, they're not half as beautiful, so they have to work half as...
[93] They need things in other areas.
[94] Exactly.
[95] So that's my Paul whole story.
[96] I believe the last name of the lady is bodfish or something like that if you want to check it out.
[97] Yeah, I do.
[98] So she's fucking throwing down.
[99] Also, I recently got an SSDGM tattoo with a dagger and a rose on my arm, and so many murderinos have approached me telling me to remain attractive, avoid assassination and whatnot, and it feels like we're all in a secret society.
[100] Hope you enjoyed the story and never, ever associate with the druids.
[101] Nobody that sacrifices animals should be trusted, Ethan.
[102] That email had everything.
[103] And it felt like we were gossiping about Paul Holes, but in a positive way.
[104] Right.
[105] That was like, it was like a Facebook stock except for just strictly job congratulatory.
[106] Yeah.
[107] I mean, what else is there?
[108] Yeah.
[109] If someone sends us an email and is like, well, I have a negative thing to tell you about Potholes, burn it.
[110] We don't want to know.
[111] Oh, we've tracked that person down and be like, never again.
[112] You don't get email anymore.
[113] Okay, so let's see.
[114] This is, the subject line of this one is, my mom was almost a golden state.
[115] Wait, sorry, Stephen.
[116] She was almost a golden state.
[117] What's it going to be?
[118] Killer?
[119] A golden.
[120] My mom was almost a golden state.
[121] killer victim.
[122] Okay.
[123] lots to get to, so going to get right into it.
[124] My mom was a Sacramento County dispatcher in the 80s, and my dad had been a Sacramento County sheriff's deputy since the 70s.
[125] Naturally, I grew up hearing cautionary tales and straight tales of horror from my mom about the calls she received.
[126] Love it.
[127] Quote, if you ever see a child with an adult and think or even feel uncomfortable about their situation, immediately tell someone who can help.
[128] Whoa.
[129] And, quote, I will never forget the empty sound at the end of the phone line after that gunshot, end quote.
[130] I'll include those stories below, but basically real inappropriate stuff for an eight -year -old, but I was intrigued.
[131] Jesus Christ.
[132] Lately, I've been asking her to rehash some of those stories and to tell me more.
[133] When the Golden State Killer News came out, we both flipped.
[134] Before my mom started work as a dispatcher during the East Area Rapist active period in Sacramento, she had lived right there in East Sack.
[135] and while we were talking about the GSK case details she said that thinking back she had gotten two creepy phone calls like heavy breathing quote I'm going to kill you phone calls no joke the man on the other end of the line said I'm going to kill you and did a gross murdery chuckle and the first phone call she thought was a prank from her friend Charlie so she just laughed it off personally I think any friend who called me jokingly to say they'd kill me as a real shithead yeah it's not that cool the second call came a few days later and started off with the same i'm going to kill you and mom said all right charlie is that you but the man said how did you like sunrise lanes the bowling alley that my mom and her boyfriend my dad had just been to for their bowling league no and also that's the first bowling alley i ever bowled at no yes it was a way we cut school and decided to go bowling and i had a nervous breakdown because we got stone first and then when i stepped up onto like the bowling lane to throw the ball, it felt like a small stage.
[136] Like the background part was all, yeah, yeah.
[137] Like there was a spotlight where I was bowling and then it was dark behind me. And I got super self -conscious and then I wouldn't bowl.
[138] And all my friends got mad at me. That's just a quick sidebar.
[139] And also the Golden State Killer used to hang out there.
[140] That's whatever.
[141] I think it was Sunrise Lanes because it was there.
[142] Anyway, anyway, okay, so he asked her how she enjoyed Sunrise Lance.
[143] She said, uh, I enjoyed it.
[144] And then he went back to, I'm going to, kill you or something at which point my mom was creeped out but mostly fed up and she said okay you know i'm not going to do this i'm dating a sheriff's deputy so you better leave me alone and then hung up the call stopped and my mom lived on lived on to give birth to me so i could tell you about it thanks for being you and my mom and i will see you in sacramento yes oh my god liz nice one liz can you imagine if you're okay let's pretend for a minute you're fucking psychic psycho murderer and you're calling around to scare women and they're like fuck you and hang up yes or they don't think it's you and you have to somehow convince them it's you right no it's charlie it's david i'm the murderer oh shit yes that's so it just really snaps that whole vibe in half when it's like i'm gonna kill you and it's like shut the fuck up david i bet you are david you idiot i'm gonna kill you first because i'm behind you um okay well how about this one uh uh i live in the vassalia a ransacker murder house.
[145] What?
[146] Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and Pets.
[147] This is the craziest fucking thing that has ever happened to me. Back in August, we moved from the Chicago suburbs to Visalia, California, so my boyfriend could start teaching at the College of Sequoias.
[148] My parents, the parents of our good friend from here had just bought this awesome house as a rental property right before we were moving, so we jumped at the chance to move in.
[149] Flash forward to the Golden State, killer news breaking.
[150] Local news reporter started knocking on our door and talking to our neighbor, I was at work, but my neighbor texted me and sent me a news article and informed me that the reporter just told them that our house, the house I was fucking living in, is the house that Claude Snelling owned and was murdered in.
[151] We had no idea about it, and our landlords had no idea about it.
[152] Apparently, they only have to tell you if something like this has happened if it was the past three years, unless you ask.
[153] Which, of course, we're all going to be like, did anyone get murdered here?
[154] Three years is no time at all.
[155] it's like that needs to be 10 or 15 years minimum yeah of like three years like a murder if it's murder especially when it's unsolved I want to know where I'm moving into a you know what I mean like yeah so this house has a meaning to a murderer that's still out there yes and there's a lovely backyard yeah yeah do what you might want to hunt around for stuff he might come back for the telephone number's the same so he might call don't don't ask if he's Charlie gets really angry and there's a civic order that you're not allowed to put locks on any of the doors right sorry goodbye um blah blah blah blah da da da da okay da da da da my favorite thing my favorite thing so good i can i just tell you sorry but there's just if you don't know somebody did a mashup of georgia doing da da da da da let me play it no let me just say his name because it's so funny okay yeah full credit because it made me laugh I listened to this.
[156] It's Georgia getting mashed up into the beginning.
[157] Should I play it?
[158] Could you?
[159] His name's good dog.
[160] It's at Scrub underscore Lover.
[161] And it's just...
[162] Scrub Lover, you nailed it so hard.
[163] Okay, I listened to it like four times.
[164] And then like the fifth time I was listening, I was standing in my backyard, listening to it.
[165] And on the second one, when you go up high, I did a spit take alone in my backyard.
[166] I spit my coffee across the backyard.
[167] It's just so surreal.
[168] It's really delightful.
[169] Also, I wonder, we should check and make sure we're not going to get sued for playing that much of that song.
[170] I was actually waiting for you to say something like that because I don't care, but I know you're up on that shit.
[171] Well, I'm up on it in a weird TV way, but I mean...
[172] You know what?
[173] We'll take it down.
[174] Okay.
[175] I mean, I think if it's less than 30 seconds, it's fine.
[176] Are you sure it's 30?
[177] I heard it was 30, but I'll double check.
[178] Well, Stephen, this is going to come out of your bank account.
[179] That's right.
[180] Okay.
[181] Um, your mustache funds.
[182] It's going to come right out of that.
[183] Goodbye mustache grooming.
[184] So, yeah, I've been freaking out for the last two weeks and I've finally been able to tell you guys about it.
[185] Oh, and there's an extra level weird because Snelling was a COS professor, College of Sequoia's professor.
[186] And that's where my boyfriend also teaches.
[187] I've always kind of wanted to live in a murder house, but I always assumed I would know about it before I moved in, not after.
[188] SSDGM, Michelle.
[189] Well, and also that one's very sad.
[190] It was a man trying to protect his daughter.
[191] from being kidnapped from like the creepiest of creeps who was not caught until fucking couple months ago oh man it's so awful it's so crazy i so i might start house hunting soon first question when i walk through the door that's immediately going to be like let's not sell her the house is did someone die here yes someone killed here right okay that's very smart so i'm never going to buy a house because they're going to like that girl's scary what if you were like did someone die here four years ago what if I said I just walk in and then open my eyes like why I didn't go someone died here and then they'll go no I'm like oh okay never mind that's such a good way to do it like pretend you're psychic yeah and just be like pretend that you're trying to touch the air around you like let your eyes roll back in your head and then you're like someone died here and they're like ma 'am are you okay and they didn't immediately admit it so they don't go how did you know that right right right right okay okay it's the perfect plan Okay.
[192] Are you ready for this?
[193] Nothing could go wrong.
[194] Nothing.
[195] This is going to turn out great.
[196] Right.
[197] Yes.
[198] This is Golden State Killer Connection forward slash angel dust never helps.
[199] Oh, dear.
[200] Doesn't it?
[201] Dear, we'll find out.
[202] Dear Karen, Georgia, Stephen, kitties and puppies.
[203] So the first story is a quick one.
[204] My very badass aunt used to work for the FBI in the DNA lab.
[205] Cool.
[206] When I was younger, right?
[207] So good.
[208] Ants.
[209] Got to love a badass aunt.
[210] When I was younger, we had some really awesome quote behind this.
[211] scenes tours in the FBI of the FBI in D .C. And there may even be a very unfortunate picture of our family holding Tommy guns from the FBI collection in all our 80s glory.
[212] Never a good look.
[213] Oh, I'd love to see it.
[214] Anyway, the day the Golden State killer was arrested, I called her to talk about how exciting this was.
[215] And she reminded me that when she was at the FBI, this was her case.
[216] And she compiled and ran all the DNA evidence at the federal level.
[217] Oh, my God.
[218] So she was on an HLN special about it a few years back.
[219] She tried to find the episode on YouTube, but couldn't.
[220] And her first television appearance during her time at the FBI.
[221] So in a way, even though it took way too long, I like to think.
[222] And so does she that she helped catch that fucker.
[223] Sorry, alleged fucker.
[224] No, he's the fucker.
[225] He's a fucker.
[226] So from my actual hometown murder, not actually a murder, I grew up in Sacramento, represent all caps.
[227] I thought you were saying that.
[228] I'm like, right.
[229] No, this is how it reads.
[230] Sacramento, represent in all caps, and then Long Dash.
[231] Nope, that didn't feel right.
[232] You know what?
[233] I feel like I now should say, I do have a very tender place in my heart for Sacramento.
[234] That's why the feelings are so extreme.
[235] Right.
[236] I don't know for Orange County, so I don't understand yours.
[237] Okay.
[238] I guess because so many bad things happen there, that I almost have to love it.
[239] Okay.
[240] And we lived in a pretty quiet neighborhood.
[241] When I was in first grade, I hated sleeping in my room, and I loved to sneak out in the middle of the night to sleep on the couch in the living room.
[242] My parents hated it, but I was just doing me. So one night, I'm fast asleep on the couch, and I'm awakened by a huge commotion.
[243] It ended up being the police trying to get into our backyard.
[244] It turns out that this guy had tried to rob our neighbor's house.
[245] Unfortunately, the neighbors were home and caught him in the act.
[246] Luckily, the neighbors were not murdered.
[247] but the would -be robber instead decided to try to run away, stripping his clothes off as he crossed the street and jumped into our backyard.
[248] Thanks, Angel Dust.
[249] The police were called and found him hiding under our grapefruit tree.
[250] The best part of the story, though, was that the police officers came to the door after arresting the guy, waking my parents, and after the police explained what happened, they eventually left.
[251] That was when my parents turned away from the door and both screamed as they found me standing behind them, quietly taking in everything that the police said.
[252] Oh, my God.
[253] I guess my love of true crime started that very night.
[254] Oh, that's cute.
[255] Needless to say, I was never allowed to sneak out onto the couch again.
[256] Lots of love, Joshua.
[257] That's hilarious.
[258] I was just thinking how funny it would have been if they turn around and he was also stripped down naked.
[259] And he's like, I too love Angel Dust.
[260] That sounds like a great idea.
[261] Oh my God.
[262] That's so funny.
[263] I love it.
[264] Hey, this is exciting.
[265] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[266] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[267] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[268] Who killed Saz?
[269] And were they really after Charles?
[270] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[271] This season, murder hits close to home.
[272] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[273] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[274] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries.
[275] And twists arise.
[276] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll?
[277] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Devine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[278] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[279] Goodbye.
[280] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[281] Absolutely.
[282] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?
[283] Exactly.
[284] And if you're a small business, owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.
[285] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?
[286] That's right.
[287] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in -store, on social media, and beyond.
[288] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[289] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.
[290] So give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[291] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[292] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.
[293] Connect with customers inline and online.
[294] Do retail right with Shopify.
[295] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.
[296] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.
[297] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.
[298] That's Shopify .com slash murder.
[299] Goodbye.
[300] think that's it here's like just a couple one a couple lighthearted ones i have a horrible one if you want it why don't you do you a horrible one and then i'll do you i'll give you a funny one funny one okay great let me make sure i can find that's second page of this yes okay old happy couple not so much yes okay hello karen georgia stephen and furry friends i grew up in a suburb of seattle in the same house until i was 18 starting when i was around five years old my family developed a close relationship with our next -door neighbors, an old couple named Alice Astrick and Henry Astrick.
[301] I'm sure this somewhere says not their real names.
[302] What if it just says real names?
[303] Real names with Astros.
[304] They'd been married for 65 years, lived in our neighborhood for 50 years, and had raised four children.
[305] Our family had dinners with this couple every week.
[306] They babysat me and my brother when my parents were working.
[307] And we would cat sit for them when they would went to visit their adult children.
[308] Fast forward to spring in my junior year of high school.
[309] Our weekly dinner comes along.
[310] Only Henry comes.
[311] When we ask where Alice is, he says that she was sick.
[312] The family shrugged it off.
[313] People get sick, you know, and continued on as usual.
[314] Over the next few days, I noticed I hadn't seen Alice.
[315] As usually, I saw her working in the garden, knitting on a porch, et cetera.
[316] I, as well as my whole family, assumed that she was really sick and staying inside to recover.
[317] Three days after our solo dinner with Henry, I arrive home from school to find our entire street sectioned off.
[318] with roadblocks and a group of police cars, lights flashing and everything, surrounding our neighbor's house.
[319] It turns out Henry had murdered Alice with an axe while she was sleeping four days prior and hid her body under their bed.
[320] This was a huge shock to our community and especially my family, considering that the day after he murdered Alice, he came to our house for dinner like nothing happened.
[321] Oh my God.
[322] The following days were filled with lots of police questioning, candlelight vigils, and the depressing return of Henry and Alice's children.
[323] empty house.
[324] That's so horrible.
[325] Even though this was six years ago, I still get shivers when I think about that dinner that night and how seemingly this seemingly happy marriage could end in such a brutal way.
[326] Pretty soon after this event, my family moved to a different neighborhood and I went away to college, but I'll never forget Sidney Maxo a murder at dinner.
[327] RIP Alice, stay sexy, don't get murdered, Andrea.
[328] I wonder how old is.
[329] Like maybe he had dementia or something like that.
[330] That's what I was thinking.
[331] Or some kind of a brain, like a brain change in some way that made him do this you know six years ago is not that long ago no i was thinking this was like in the fucking 90s no it's crazy all right let's do funny mom fucks with me stories okay hi georgia karen steven and pets i love the show and i'm glad i have a reason to write my mom is a dark sense of humor as says my uncle her brother here are some of the funniest things they lied to me about as a child when i got sick in a prominent lift note when i got sick a prominent lymph node on my neck would swell up and my uncle and mom called it a roving parasite.
[332] Not telling me that it was completely normal, causing me to think I had a parasite living inside of me. They would frequently ask how my parasite was doing at family functions, which would freak me out.
[333] I fucking love it.
[334] When we went to the beach in MD, Maryland, we saw dolphins once and I got really excited.
[335] My mom and uncle told me they were mechanical dolphins that were sent out every day to draw visitors to the beach.
[336] I only found out this story was false when I was around 20 when I repeated it to my friends at the beach and they all looked at me like I was crazy.
[337] You are crazy.
[338] I love it.
[339] Anyway, mom admitted these lies and more once I called her out.
[340] She thought it was hilarious.
[341] Stay sexy and don't believe everything mom says Suzanne.
[342] Oh my God, that's awesome.
[343] The shit I believe, man. Well, and also you can just picture.
[344] It's like moms that are sick of talking to children.
[345] It's like you have to talk to these children all day long.
[346] They're constantly asking you questions.
[347] You're just trying to have a good time.
[348] Right.
[349] You're just trying to give yourself a moment of fucking joy.
[350] And probably that mom and her brother got kind of high at the beach.
[351] Oh my God.
[352] They totally did.
[353] Don't you think that was an element of it?
[354] I recently had one.
[355] Marty might get mad about this.
[356] But as far as I knew, and this was like a cautionary tale.
[357] Like my dad did L .S. in high school because someone slipped it in like a fucking sugar cube in his coffee and my dad got dosed and he didn't know and he like freaked out and then I told I said that to my mom recently and she was like he didn't get dosed and I was like of course he did it he took it himself he was trying to like warn you off of acid warn me off of acid but also tell me that he was on he's done acid without having to admit that he'd done it that he had chosen to do acid yeah like he did have a bad trip but he also didn't want to be like I took getting out of that trip.
[358] Well, and also, it's like, that rang untrue to me. A high school student having a cup of coffee with a cube of sugar in it is just not.
[359] I just don't buy that.
[360] No, he was like a, it was like at Los Angeles in the fucking 60s.
[361] They were all smokers and coffee drinkers.
[362] Oh, I guess that's right.
[363] Um, he's in the fan cult.
[364] I'm going to text him tonight and see if I can leave this in.
[365] So make sure you go and ask him about, about it on the forum.
[366] That was the best.
[367] Oh my God.
[368] The people that run the forum were telling us that the day Marty signed up and he was just like, hello, is this working test, test.
[369] And everyone's like, yeah, Marty.
[370] Because you, Georgia said to them, I think my dad signed up for the fan.
[371] And they were like, yep, he did.
[372] Yeah, he's, he did it.
[373] And I just want to say I would have given him a free pass.
[374] But he told me he joined it with before I even, he was like, I joined the fan called.
[375] It's so much fun.
[376] I love him.
[377] Dad, why did you?
[378] I wanted to do it like everyone else did.
[379] He's supporting your art. He cares.
[380] Marty.
[381] Marty.
[382] God bless you.
[383] Go bless you.
[384] God bless you, Marty.
[385] Send us your, oh, send us, shit, your parents lied to you about that you believed in forever.
[386] That's good stuff.
[387] Oh, and we got everyone's messages, many, many, many urgent messages before the European trip that that one, don't go into that room.
[388] I'm not in there.
[389] Oh.
[390] A story was a creepy pasta.
[391] You know, of course, Stephen's deep.
[392] We're deeply ashamed.
[393] I'm Stephen.
[394] It's going to happen.
[395] I think it was just fun.
[396] It was a fun tale, but, you know.
[397] But on a positive note, when we were in Europe, when I think we were in, what's it called, Amsterdam, we met the girl who took a piggyback ride out of a fucking kidnapper's house.
[398] Yes, that's right.
[399] We met her so we can confirm that that was true.
[400] Yes.
[401] And she was a sweet baby angel and it all happened.
[402] It's either true or she's such a balzy life.
[403] That she traveled to Amsterdam to tell us a lie.
[404] Right.
[405] But we don't think she did.
[406] We don't think so.
[407] We really don't.
[408] Send us here not lies and you're not creepypastas at my favorite murder at Gmail.
[409] Go to my favorite murder .com for shit.
[410] I don't know.
[411] And let's just celebrate the truth on here.
[412] That's all we're about here is mostly the truth.
[413] We're mostly the truth when we can get to it.
[414] Yeah, when it's convenient for us.
[415] Right.
[416] Yeah.
[417] Or we just make shit up.
[418] Stay sexy.
[419] Don't get murdered.
[420] Goodbye.
[421] Elvis, you want a cookie?
[422] Want cookie?
[423] Yeah.