#111 - Al Madrigal

[0] The Joe Rogan Experience.

[1] Al Magical, my friend, thank you very much for joining us.

[2] Sure.

[3] It's good to see you, buddy, as always.

[4] And you came here with great news.

[5] As you pulled up, you said that you were a correspondent now in the Daily Show.

[6] Yeah, that happened.

[7] And actually, I did my first piece, I think, like two weeks ago.

[8] That's awesome, dude.

[9] And it was one of the most incredible things, because you want to be on that show that, and part of something you really like.

[10] I mean, it's like you with the UFC.

[11] This is something you enjoy, and so you're a part of it.

[12] It's like, now I'm on.

[13] I go both ways on The Daily Show.

[14] And one way, I love it.

[15] I think it's a great show.

[16] I love, it's so smart.

[17] Some of his, those, the breakdowns that he does in stories and news.

[18] They're just so brilliant.

[19] And he's so good at it now and so comfortable at it now.

[20] He's my favorite talk show host by, by, it's him and Jimmy Kimmel.

[21] Incredible operation.

[22] Yeah.

[23] Kimmel along as well.

[24] But he's so, John Stewart's so fucking smooth and he's so good.

[25] It's like, that show is like, you know, it's like, to me, it's like way better than being on Saturday Night Live.

[26] And in terms of, like, him being, he's loose and having a good time.

[27] People tell you, always tell you that with stand -up, have a good time.

[28] Right.

[29] And it's just really, that's an important part of it.

[30] I've done, I did his show once, and it was really cool.

[31] I think at least once, but I did it once when Fear Factor was coming out.

[32] And he was really funny.

[33] He's just, he's so fucking smooth and good at it.

[34] You know, to be on that show is like, God, that you just nailed an honor.

[35] Yeah, and I'm not, it really, one of the coolest.

[36] things.

[37] It's like in considering the past comics they've had on and comic actors, Rob Wrigal, Edel, Adams, Cordry, you go on and the people that they have on now and you know, just going to Lewis Black and Wyatt Seneck and just Larry Wilmore.

[38] So here are all these comics and it does an incredible amount for your career.

[39] Yeah.

[40] And I'm still at the point with stand -up.

[41] It's not a lot of people know me because I haven't been on anything that's really stuck.

[42] You know, a friend of mine went to see you a few years ago.

[43] My buddy David Hurwitz, who's one of the producers of fear factor and he didn't know you.

[44] He went to see there was a bunch of people some sort of a benefit.

[45] I don't remember who the comics were, but it was you.

[46] It was years back.

[47] You went up and I remember he called me up and he goes, God, I forget this fucking guy's name, but he was so good.

[48] He goes, he was doing all this shit about his kids.

[49] I go Al Magical.

[50] He goes, yes.

[51] Yes.

[52] Yeah, so he was he, and this was years ago.

[53] You're one of those guys to me that your talent and like your your ability and how funny you are on stage people haven't caught up to it yet you're you're fucking hilarious dude you're really really funny I really appreciate that because it's I chose to take on doing longer stories you know and that's what I really enjoy doing yeah but it takes a while to as you know with the bigger chunk like one liner is a common with the bigger chunk and it's hard to keep people on the hook and then to say goodbye to them because you don't want to do them anymore and you're always hoping that another story comes up I hope some shit happens to be quick.

[54] Your stuff is so fun, man. It's really good.

[55] It's really good, solid stand -up.

[56] That's why I'm like, you know, where you are in the public eye, your talent far exceeds that, I think.

[57] And I think a show like this is just going to let people see your stuff.

[58] Yeah, it already...

[59] Come see Al Live, okay?

[60] Because, God damn it, TV sets.

[61] TV sets are like a commercial.

[62] It's a commercial for the live show.

[63] The live show is the real deal.

[64] Sure, and I do tend to...

[65] I've been sort of snapping on people a little bit.

[66] interact.

[67] In the audience?

[68] Yeah.

[69] I can't.

[70] Well, just, like, for example, I mean, the other day at the, you know, and I insist on being a glutton for punishment and going to the store, and there's this black girl on her phone.

[71] Oh, no. And I address it right away.

[72] She's not even looking up.

[73] And I say, hey, how you doing?

[74] She refuses to get off it.

[75] So I'm talking to her the whole time, but she's going to make a point and be stubborn.

[76] Oh, my God.

[77] And I'm going to be stubborn at the same time, and I'm not going to let her off the hooks.

[78] But it's me, like, and I can't help but address it.

[79] So I think when you get in the live show is, yeah, that loose atmosphere where, I mean, and you've had me at a couple of these Sal's shows.

[80] That message to that woman's phone was, by the way, this is your doctor, you have breast cancer and your child's on fire.

[81] Yeah, yeah.

[82] No, they try to say that a lot of times.

[83] Sometimes when you catch somebody on the phone, they'll go, well, I don't have a sitter and I have my kids, so, and they try to make you feel bad and make some shit up.

[84] Yeah.

[85] About those fake kids that they have.

[86] have.

[87] Even if you do have kids, you should know you're being annoying to other people.

[88] Yeah, go outside.

[89] I have no problem with people going outside.

[90] I got in a big beef in South by Southwest because some asshole had his iPad 2 out, the day after it came out.

[91] So he's sort of showing everybody.

[92] Right.

[93] Like on an iPad 2 and check it out.

[94] Is he filming you?

[95] Front row.

[96] No, he's not filming.

[97] He's tweeting.

[98] We found out that he was tweeting to 32 people in the front row.

[99] And I go, dude, put away your iPad.

[100] Everybody knows you got iPad.

[101] It's nice.

[102] I go, if you were a reporter or journalist and you're on an iPhone or iPad in the back, you're in the front row, there shouldn't be this disconnect between, you know, audience, you're at a live show, look me in the face, you know, and don't, I hate it when I'm at the laugh factory and people look at the fucking monitors that are on the side.

[103] And so now there's this guy with this iPad too, and so I had to be, I told him I was going to put my foot through it.

[104] And I was going to put my foot through his face because he got shitty with me. You have temper.

[105] I forgot about that.

[106] You have a huge, Temper.

[107] You wanted to hurt this person physically.

[108] Yeah, a little bit.

[109] I mean, I was trying, and then I tried to bring it around.

[110] What if he was crazy, man?

[111] He was crazy.

[112] He did jump up.

[113] He did jump up.

[114] Really?

[115] I feel like I'm in a good position.

[116] I don't know if I would have fought at that point, but I love the vantage point of a comedian.

[117] Being up high.

[118] They'd have to go down low and then immediately.

[119] You would get the first shot off, yeah.

[120] Yeah.

[121] But if he was a big crazy guy, you said he was big?

[122] No, he's a little foreigner.

[123] Little forer Strutting around his fucking iPad That's what it was Little Ford says Al Madrigal Yeah You get lumped into the Latino comedy thing You did for a little while No no still I mean You're getting a lot of those shows And the opportunities that Because I feel like it's like With Greg Geraldo Who I loved as a comic And I thought he's just incredible But he was a comic period Just a comic Yeah That's why I didn't even know I was Latino comic Until I fucking move to L .A And they do all those chocolate Sundays Yeah They used to have me do the Guido.

[124] I did the Guido show a few times at the comedy store.

[125] But it's like, man, I don't want to be on the show with these fucking guys just because we share some patch of dirt where our grandparents fucked.

[126] I just, yeah, I just think comic first and then I think those guys, also a lot of Latino comics, you end up doing those same Latino shows over and over and over again.

[127] And then when you finally get put in a situation that they're ill prepared to handle regular people, you know, they can't.

[128] that aren't specifically Latino.

[129] I'm so glad that there's a lot of different styles, though.

[130] I'm glad that there's black comedy.

[131] I'm glad there's Latino comedy.

[132] I'm glad because it's very interesting seeing, you know, with different cultures and different, you know, different sections of society, what they laugh at and what they think is funny, and when they, when they cross over and when they don't.

[133] Because there's a lot of really funny white comics that go up in black rooms and eat dicks.

[134] Yeah.

[135] And it's just, it's a different fucking thing.

[136] They don't, first of all, they don't want, it's very hard to pull out of a hole in a black audience like once you go into that hole the booze start coming and the get off get off it's like you if you're not prepared for that if you haven't done a lot of black shows like if you bomb at one of those shows like it's not good it's like the Apollo thing it's like everybody grew up watching the Apollo and then they're at standup right and they're waiting for the guy with the clown and the cane to come out because these guys is horrible so they're not shy about going oh my god isn't it weird like a whole group of people will collectively decide to be haters you know like that's that's the most ridiculous thing ever you're all booing and hissing get off get on and they'll attack like they want dudes to fail they want dudes to fail it's part of the fun Wesley Snipes movie I was watching it wasn't New Jack City it was something like he was a drug dealer and he was going to court I think it was Robin Givens somebody to look this up he goes I just want to hang out with you baby I want to go to the Apollo and boo the comedian you know that's what we'll do And so that was his pickup line He goes, we do fun things Like, go to the Apollo, boo the comedian.

[137] Yeah, the comedy store was a fun place for us all Because there's no one watching that place You know, and it's good and it's bad It's good in that, you know You're forced to deal with this chaotic world That is that place, this unpoliced comedy club I think Don Harris at one point I heard the stories About him having chicks on stage It's like, he's got naked women Yeah, I've seen that And then there's no manager at that point or something.

[138] Where the manager's, he's sort of drinking an hour ago.

[139] Nobody gives a fuck or didn't at one point in time in that place.

[140] There was one time when Joey Diaz took his pants down.

[141] And you know, the original room has a curtain behind it.

[142] Did I tell her story before?

[143] There was a girl named Judy Sinciati.

[144] Oops, I shouldn't have said her name.

[145] Damn.

[146] Anyway, she was on stage, and Joey was behind her.

[147] And every time she would hit her punch lawn, Joey would open up the curtain and show his balls.

[148] And the fuck.

[149] fucking place she was killing and she was on stage like so confident all of a sudden you could see her like light up like it was the best set she's ever had she was just fucking nailing every joke in the audience is going crazy because Joey's balls are sticking out of the curtain that's fantastic because you can go through the back bar and sneak up behind into those curtains yeah you could you could go there's a total back way to get on stage there because you know the old days they didn't go on stage through the room like we do they would go on stage through the back door yeah Yeah.

[150] That was, you know, that was like a serious nightclub.

[151] That's Ciro's nightclub.

[152] Sure.

[153] What an awful feeling, though, finding out it was Joey Diaz's balls and not your comedy, though.

[154] Can you imagine that?

[155] That's a gut feeling.

[156] Well, sort of, yeah.

[157] But together, it was really funny.

[158] You know, like, if her joke was a four, you know, Joey Diaz has brought it up to a nine.

[159] His balls, all of a sudden, it was like one of the best jokes ever.

[160] Yeah.

[161] I don't know if you heard, are we allowed to talk about what Joey Diaz just got?

[162] I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about this.

[163] What is it?

[164] Joey Diaz just got a role for a kid show, like a live action kid show.

[165] show and I don't want to go too much into it because I'm not allowed to know if I'm allowed to say it but I was thinking what if he becomes like this huge celebrity in the kid world so now he's like at the airport going what the fuck I got and he sees like a little kid come up what's oh hey dragons and ponies can you imagine have him having to act like a shift gears immediately he's going to reel him he's got to watch out to signing autographs for eight year olds wow the idea is just it makes me laugh thinking about that though he's he's he's great you know what's awesome I can remember I'm not sure how much time he spent around your kid but he was great I ran into him on a lot when we were both filming a TV show my son was two maybe at the time and he goes come here Lorenzo Uncle Joey's got to take care of you come on my son looked up in him and he goes this guy's hilarious like he looked at it and went right to him and Joey was holding him and it was like one of the cutest things I'd like Uncle Joey like that my son is playing with it and just it was like oh my God he's great with kids and he'd pray perfect for a kid's show.

[166] He's got nine cats, man. Joey has nine cats.

[167] How many are you allowed to have?

[168] That's a good question.

[169] Right?

[170] He lives in an apartment.

[171] That's what you shouldn't have mentioned.

[172] Yeah.

[173] He's getting him busted.

[174] Did he, did he move to a house or is he still in an apartment?

[175] No, he's in an apartment and I think he got two more cats or something.

[176] What?

[177] Yeah.

[178] He got 11 now?

[179] I think so.

[180] Wow, that is nuts, man. That is nuts.

[181] And also, I was just talking to these guys.

[182] I'm allergic.

[183] That's like my worst nightmare.

[184] Like, I deny.

[185] Yeah, that's crazy.

[186] You know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you.

[187] telling me that you had to take an allergy medication before you came to my house.

[188] Yeah.

[189] I only have two.

[190] And you have two.

[191] And then we shave them.

[192] And then I take them to a groomer so it gets less hair in the way.

[193] And the last time I was here, I didn't take an allergy medication and it wasn't actually even that bad.

[194] But 11 cats for certain.

[195] God damn.

[196] And I think it's a one, is it two bedroom?

[197] Two better?

[198] I think it's two bedroom, yeah.

[199] You know how everyone's allergic to cats, right?

[200] Like every single person in the road is allergic to cats.

[201] It's just different levels.

[202] It's the dander.

[203] But here's a. Whoa.

[204] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, everyone's allergic.

[205] Everybody.

[206] Can you, you sure you were saying allergic, like, is an allergic reaction to everyone?

[207] If you take a scoop of a cat dander, no matter who it is, if you somehow collected cat dander and a big scoop, or you put it in your eye or something like that, you'd have an allergic reaction to it.

[208] Really?

[209] Yeah.

[210] But I, you know, those little hair balls once in a while that will fall off a cat when it hasn't been shaved recently?

[211] I had one on my pillow and I slept on it.

[212] And I'm not allergic to cats to any extent, really.

[213] but I had that and I slept on it right on my eye and my eye swallowed up for two days.

[214] It looked like I got punched in the eye over the weekend and it's just now coming down.

[215] I don't know if it still looks like it.

[216] Is that when you decided you'd better call in a professional?

[217] Yeah, exactly.

[218] I called it in a professional.

[219] I'm trying to find this cat -dandered thing online to see if that's true, but it'd just be nasty anyway.

[220] It would give you, if it got in your eye, I don't necessarily think you can call that an allergic area.

[221] There's definitely different degrees.

[222] There's definitely a lot of things in your eye.

[223] And I think they're going to do it.

[224] Yeah, almost everything would fuck your eye.

[225] eye up but isn't allergic like it gets in your skin and you have a reaction like I can't breathe I mean that's my whole thing is that my throat swells up and my eyes start to really water and um you know I'm screwed my whole body starts seeing any welts and we had a real issue once on Fear Factor one of the very few we did where we found out that if you're allergic to shellfish you're also allergic to roaches and we yeah and we fed these people these giant Madagascar hissing cockroaches and one dude his his throat started closed out and got really scared Can you imagine if that was the wrong person?

[226] You could have easily killed somebody.

[227] Well, they monitor them.

[228] You know, they have medics.

[229] And they also, I don't know how that could have slipped by, though.

[230] Right.

[231] I think it's like, you have to know, you have to find out.

[232] What is the latest on that?

[233] You were on Perez Hilton yesterday or today or something like that.

[234] Perez Hilton said something nice.

[235] I appreciate it.

[236] Yeah, that was great.

[237] Yeah, the Fear Factor is going to come back.

[238] It's going to come back for 10 episodes.

[239] I don't know if I'm doing it.

[240] And on the chill network is then?

[241] No, no. It's going to be on NBC.

[242] No way.

[243] I heard that they're thinking about getting rid of the bees.

[244] stunts though.

[245] No, no. No. No. That's not true?

[246] If they do it, I'm sure they're going to do it the way we did it.

[247] It's all the same team.

[248] It's Cunits and Dave Hurwitz and and Rupert Thompson, the director.

[249] They know exactly what the fuck they're doing.

[250] So the reruns were doing so well.

[251] Yeah.

[252] That what they did they just got it down to a science.

[253] Rupert is a badass director and and and and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, they have those shows, like, dog -eat -dog.

[254] They'd be doing those shows down to a science.

[255] They would fuck with it.

[256] What they would do with Fear Factor is just make the stunts cooler looking now now that there's HD.

[257] I mean, you can do some shit with cameras that we could never do back then.

[258] You would have to do that show, though.

[259] That Fear Factor, too, a lot of people, I think, is you.

[260] I think that's what made the show.

[261] Well, that's very flattering, but sort of just had fun with it and helped it along.

[262] It would have been crazy whether I was there or not.

[263] If somebody else was there that was fun, it would have been there kind of crazy.

[264] Yeah, but you can never, you can always speculate what shows would be like without their original hosts, but it's like, you know, it's also...

[265] And they'll probably get somebody that looks kind of like you, like Enrico Galaisus or whatever.

[266] That's who I was thinking of.

[267] That's the new album.

[268] It would be Mario Lopez is what we always said.

[269] Yeah, Mario Lopez.

[270] Yeah, totally.

[271] Well, he's one of those dudes that could host anything.

[272] Yeah.

[273] Handsome bastard.

[274] I don't know.

[275] I don't know if I'm going to do it.

[276] I'll tell you what, though.

[277] If you had asked me after Fear Factor was over, like what I thought, I would have been like, God, I'm done.

[278] I want to do other shit.

[279] But having a few years off of it and then all this talk about doing it, I'm like, wow, that might be kind of fucking crazy.

[280] That might be crazy to just do a few episodes.

[281] I think it's, I love this show and now near the end I got kind of tired of it, but now I crave it again, I'll see it on TV and I'll re -watch it and it's like watching it for the first time.

[282] I think it's fun.

[283] Yeah, I think it could be huge.

[284] Yeah, I think so.

[285] I think it's and I think, you know, a lot of us happen with you as well.

[286] I mean, you've gone off and done other things that is attracted.

[287] It is a lot.

[288] I mean, you probably have a lot more people coming to the show and you'll bring a lot to it as well.

[289] It's not just that the show is iconic.

[290] It's like, you know, I I think you've done a lot of shit since then that would have a new audience looking at the show.

[291] Yeah, maybe.

[292] But, you know, with the show, the difference in the show and anything else that I do is that everyone can watch it.

[293] One of the appeals of the show was that is ridiculous, you know, for an adult, it's a ridiculous show.

[294] You know, you watch them going, this is fucking ridiculous.

[295] Well, it's ridiculous to little kids, too.

[296] It's fun to them, too.

[297] So it's fun for, like, old people.

[298] Like, you can watch it with your whole family.

[299] That's what wipeout is, is that my kids love themselves watching it in our adult.

[300] an overweight lady do it for the podcast the second you do that for the podcast that the podcast would blow the fuck up maybe we'd get too much scrutiny maybe that's the issue because i'm under scrutiny right now for the my use of the word cunty yes it's called cuntigate 2011 that's so nice putting a why on anything really takes this thing out of it i thought it was sweet i thought it was sweet i look at the word as if it's like the word bitchy and i realize from the reaction all these different people that other people do not share my opinion Dude, we have a kid visit from England.

[301] He dropped it, I mean, seriously, 20 times.

[302] Yeah, they just, they won't stop over there.

[303] And then you, by you throwing the Y on it.

[304] That's like saying somebody is cute.

[305] It's cute.

[306] Yeah.

[307] Well, it's like her writing is what I was describing, that her writing is cunty.

[308] But I said she, I said she's all kinds of cunty.

[309] Like, I meant what is representative of her is all I know of her is her writing.

[310] You know, she is a human being.

[311] She might be a very nice person.

[312] She might just be misguided in this type of style of insulting writing that she does.

[313] But it's bitchy.

[314] And I don't like it.

[315] And I should have used the word bitchy because that's what I meant.

[316] But I wrote the word cunty and everybody said, oh, you're calling her a cunt.

[317] I'm like, that's not what I did.

[318] But it kind of is.

[319] But it's not.

[320] You know what I mean?

[321] It's a circle of friends and the way the people that I hang out with, we throw cunty around like a beach ball, right?

[322] I mean, we're always using the word cunty.

[323] Malesty?

[324] It's like, to me, I wouldn't say.

[325] I would never say that.

[326] But I don't think that's cute.

[327] She's molest.

[328] It doesn't make molesting any cuter.

[329] I'm sure she's called worse things than bed.

[330] Well, she, look, the whole thing, it's, she, what she's doing is negative, but what I did was negative too.

[331] There was probably a better way of handling it.

[332] It's a message board, by the way, too.

[333] Yeah, it wasn't like I did an interview.

[334] I just wrote something on a message board.

[335] And what I was, the only reason why I wrote it is because this one guy, I think he calls himself the Skywalker, who's on this mixed martial arts .com message board, had this very eloquent way of describing what was wrong with this woman and her style.

[336] of writing.

[337] And it was just bingo.

[338] And so I wrote, boom.

[339] And the whole thing was all about an interview that Quentin Rampage Jr. did.

[340] Is he a junior?

[341] Did I just make that up?

[342] Jackson.

[343] Why did I say Junior?

[344] Because I was watching Roy Jones all day today.

[345] I was like, what the fuck?

[346] Where'd that come from?

[347] Quentin Jackson?

[348] Quentin Rampage Jackson, not fucking junior.

[349] God damn I'm an idiot.

[350] Eventually, it's going to happen.

[351] This has just diminished my point.

[352] Probably not by choice.

[353] But anyway, Rampage is doing an interview with this woman.

[354] And he, he, jokes around about motorboating her, like getting his head between her tits.

[355] And I didn't even see it.

[356] It's fun.

[357] You know, I'm sure it's ridiculous.

[358] We probably should watch it to see how ridiculous it is.

[359] But what I was responding to is just this woman in her writing.

[360] It wasn't really and, but I could have done it a better way.

[361] I, calling someone Kunti is not the, you know, sometimes I get lazy dude when I respond to something.

[362] I just want to that as chicks all kinds of Kunti.

[363] I don't think I'm going to have to explain myself.

[364] I don't think, you know, I just feel like I'm just posting something on a message board.

[365] We're all just hanging around.

[366] It's like a virtual street corner.

[367] When you do post something on a message board, you expect it.

[368] I mean, who's look?

[369] How many people are really looking at that stuff?

[370] Well, this mixed martial arts .com is a very popular message board.

[371] Sure.

[372] But then for you to take it out of the message board and then use it against you in other media.

[373] Not just use it, but call for me to be fired.

[374] Call for me to be suspended.

[375] Call for me to be fined.

[376] How many people?

[377] I don't know.

[378] And I did apologize.

[379] Before any of the shit hit the fan, I actually, when a few people started getting upset at me, I actually apologize for the use of the word cunty because I said, you know what, it's probably something from my stand -up comedian vernacular that I don't perceive how you're perceiving it.

[380] And I don't mean it how you're perceiving it from me. So that's what I tried to explain.

[381] But I also tried to say in the same apology that, listen, man, you're putting some negative shit out there.

[382] There's a reason I'm responding to you like this.

[383] I'm responding to you like this because I've read disrespectful things that she's written to fighters.

[384] She wrote this disrespectful thing to Tim Sylvia after he lost.

[385] And that kind of shit really pisses me off.

[386] That snarky, rude, you know, that style of insulting journalism.

[387] I don't like it.

[388] And I don't think it has a place in mixed martial arts because mixed martial arts is a crazy fucking sport.

[389] And in this sport, a person literally risks their health.

[390] They get out there, they train, it becomes the focal point of six to eight weeks of their fucking life.

[391] And then they get out there and in front of everybody in, you know, these, little shorts, they go out and they throw their fucking bones at each other.

[392] And to win is the most incredible thing ever.

[393] And to lose is the most devastating thing imaginable.

[394] It's like to lose is like the death of a dog.

[395] That's what it's like.

[396] It's like that kind of pain.

[397] It's like this unstoppable pain, emotional pain.

[398] So a lot of these guys, these guys get their ass kicked.

[399] Maybe they didn't train so hard.

[400] Maybe it didn't go so well.

[401] But then they have to read some disrespectful bullshit by someone who's never fucking competed, by someone who's never put their ass on the line, by someone who's never thrown their body into a cage for everyone else's entertainment.

[402] I think if you make fun of that and you mock them, fuck you.

[403] Fuck you.

[404] You're not getting it.

[405] There's a way to say that someone's doing something wrong.

[406] There's a way to say this guy, here's the bottom line.

[407] He's very talented, but he needs to get in shape.

[408] He's fat.

[409] Let's be realistic about it.

[410] There's that which is just you're making an assessment of someone's ability and what they need to change and what they're doing wrong with their diet or their but when you just get snarky and shitty and insulting that shit drives me fucking crazy.

[411] It just drives me nuts because only douchebags do that and they only do it because no one's ever told them that they're being douchebags.

[412] You know so I feel like it causes more negative energy to let shit like that slide than it does to bring up.

[413] And I make these judgment calls.

[414] And I just call someone Cunty.

[415] I really probably shouldn't do it.

[416] And I did apologize to it.

[417] Because like I said, I don't, I don't mean it the way they're perceiving it.

[418] I mean Cunty.

[419] I can be Cunty, too.

[420] We can all be Cunty.

[421] Cunty's just like...

[422] Internet talk is so different.

[423] That's five years.

[424] In five years, the president will be saying Cunty in a speech.

[425] You know, it's just Cunty's nothing.

[426] Only if you run for president.

[427] The fuck, maybe after Sarah Palin, the standard you're going to get so low.

[428] President Red Band, 2024.

[429] Look at that, that dude from New York that accidentally tweeted out a picture of his cock.

[430] Did you see that shit?

[431] I mean, we're going to have presidents saying cunti on the fucking TV.

[432] This is ridiculous.

[433] Well, it's going to get to a point with the transparency of the world right now that one of two things is going to have to happen.

[434] Either people are going to actually have to actually become real nice people.

[435] Or, you know, or no one's going to be president.

[436] I mean, if you're going to be able to see into a person that's very fucking soul eventually, you know, you're going to know everything about them.

[437] It's like as we get closer and closer to each other with Twitter and Facebook and FaceTime and we're getting closer and closer to each other and it's going to eventually reach some fucking crazy point where we're all sharing each other's minds and when that happens you know we find out what creeps we all are you know who the fuck is going to be president then who the fuck is going to be president then yeah no one's going to want it but think about the shit that Kennedy got away with right I think everybody knows that Kennedy was banging Marilyn Monroe and he was this womanizer and his family came from moonshine running I mean, they had like this crazy fucked up past.

[438] They were basically had an organized crime past.

[439] They were whiskey runners back during the, you know, that's where they made their money.

[440] They made their money during the prohibition.

[441] So we, if that was today, could you imagine?

[442] Could you imagine some womanizer whose, you know, whose family was an organized crime?

[443] Could you imagine for a second that a guy like Kennedy would have a brief chance at being the president?

[444] And meanwhile, he was probably one of our best presidents ever.

[445] Right?

[446] I mean, as far, everybody loves to romanticize him because he died, but, God, he made some brilliant speeches, man. I mean, my friends were talking about the other day is, like, do you really think the CIA hasn't learned how to turn on somebody's camera on their MacBook Pro?

[447] Well, look at that, they knew how to go to a lot of shit.

[448] Look at that, that hacking group that did the PS3, the, the LuzSec guys or whatever they're called.

[449] They hacked into, like, they've been hacking into all these websites lately.

[450] Like, if you follow their Twitter, it's kind of.

[451] scary how awesome he's I mean how talented these guys are they are fucking with the FBI they fucking hacked Nintendo the other day and they love Nintendo so much that they didn't want to do anything so they just said you know hey we love you too much to do anything wrong here's how we got in okay how do you not respect that yeah I'm not saying I'm pro hacker entirely but I respect the fuck out of that move yeah but what's what did Sony do you fuck with Nintendo they make awesome shit yeah keep them in business no but that's And then the Apple today announced all this cloud -based shit, which is scaring me to death, because now what they're pretty much saying is everything.

[452] Like you're laid all your photos, you're all your music, all your documents.

[453] The last time you save something on your computer, you can do it on one computer and then go to another computer have the exact same shit on your computer.

[454] And it's all based on the cloud wireless data system.

[455] What if you accidentally lose your laptop and somebody gets to turn it on and sees all your documents, your photos, your videos?

[456] We're going to see some fucking crazy shit coming up now.

[457] I mean, if Apple was smart, they would have some kind of window that's on your computer that shows how far away each one of your devices is at all times.

[458] They have that.

[459] I was using that the other day.

[460] On your iPad, you can get, you can lock everything in so you can track everything.

[461] Yeah, you track, but have it be a part of the operating system or have some kind of security issues like that build in.

[462] So just in case, if you don't realize your iPads in Mexico right now that, you know, you can see.

[463] it kind of like a graph you know what I mean some kind of meter or something Duncan Trussell was telling me about yesterday about this this guy has my PC or this guy has my laptop do you know about that?

[464] No it's like this guy has my laptop and there's software that you can put on anything either PC or Mac where somebody steals your shit and then they go on to log on and go to the internet your camera comes on and they take a picture yeah there's a whole website about this guy that lost his camera and it shows like it's a whole storybook of like this Indian guy or something like that and he's like never wearing shirt and stuff.

[465] Well, didn't some girl lost her, she lost her cell phone, and she had a bunch of naked pictures on it, and the guy texted those naked pictures to everyone in her contacts?

[466] Did you hear about that?

[467] Yeah, this is really recently.

[468] This is really recently.

[469] Some girl, I think it was a droid phone.

[470] I don't remember.

[471] Don't sue me, droid people.

[472] What a dick.

[473] What an asshole that did that.

[474] You know what those hackers should have done is fucking hacked MTV and just stop that whole movie award shit.

[475] Have you been, did you watch that?

[476] That's bullshit nowadays.

[477] What are you talking about?

[478] MTV just had movie awards.

[479] Every single movie was Twilight.

[480] Best Kiss, best actor, best comedy, best...

[481] It was, it's pretty much bullshit.

[482] Listen to this motherfucker watching MTV, surprised it's for little girls.

[483] Yeah.

[484] How old are you, son?

[485] No, but I do like movies.

[486] Okay, Brian, listen, the Oprah movie club would be completely different than the Joe Rogan movie club.

[487] You know what I'm saying?

[488] Shit that I would love, she would hate.

[489] I know.

[490] 14 -year -old.

[491] Yeah, bro, you're talking about MT fucking feeding.

[492] Oh, I absolutely agree.

[493] This is such bullshit.

[494] You know, we need to get hackers down there.

[495] We should nuke them.

[496] The aliens should come in and invade.

[497] Trust me. I didn't even know it was on.

[498] I just turned it on and watched it.

[499] It's just pretty ridiculous.

[500] Last night, I went to the after party for that MTV movie.

[501] You went to the after party.

[502] Yeah.

[503] Sweet.

[504] How much of case sex did you have?

[505] Quite a bit.

[506] That's for me and...

[507] The best part about that is you struggle, struggle through the word a little.

[508] I was thinking of him.

[509] It was perfect.

[510] It was like, is he slipping there?

[511] Is he going to fall through?

[512] That was awesome.

[513] No, it was me and my wife.

[514] And then I got to see Brody talking to Arod.

[515] That was exciting.

[516] Oh, really?

[517] He must have been in his glory.

[518] Yeah, it was wonderful.

[519] He was really happy.

[520] Did you see me talking to Aeron?

[521] So he knows me. And then Renazizi was here.

[522] So we were all, you know, but it was funny seeing See any celebrities?

[523] Any gossip?

[524] Yeah, we saw those Twilight people who were at the party.

[525] And we left pretty early.

[526] It was weird.

[527] The one Twilight guy, Edward or I don't know his real name.

[528] I just know his character's name.

[529] But he kind of went off on Reese Witherspoon in a weird, creepy way.

[530] He, like, said something about how he was in her, when he was a kid, he was in a movie with her, and she was directly responsible for getting his part cut from the movie while giving her an award for, like, Best Chick -of -the -year award or something.

[531] What?

[532] So he kind of, like, called her out on being an ass.

[533] Really?

[534] Weren't they in a movie together?

[535] And then there were seven years later, they were in a movie, but she's like, he's like, she doesn't know about this.

[536] That's so silly because, like, you know, what if he sucked?

[537] What do you mean she's directly responsible?

[538] How could, if you were really good?

[539] He's probably just trying to be funny.

[540] Really?

[541] They just went together or something.

[542] I mean.

[543] Oh, maybe it's an inside joke.

[544] No one of the bad writing that was done for somebody who writes all the in -betweens, you know, and for the movie awards, that's a gig where somebody has to write.

[545] Some people do like to be victims, though.

[546] God damn it.

[547] I've talked to so many guys.

[548] that, you know, I went out for that, and I got fucked over by the casting director.

[549] Like, what?

[550] You know, like, you got to dwell on the negative shit.

[551] Some dudes will tell you, no, I got in this fucking casting director.

[552] You know, just never really liked me. Just really, it was my type.

[553] The other guy totally kisses her ass, so I get fucked.

[554] Like, whoa.

[555] No, those are the same people who are just making external causes for everything bad that happens to it.

[556] It was never your fault.

[557] It's always the casting.

[558] It's always my, you know, the car or train.

[559] You know, they always have some sort of person or thing to blame.

[560] Yeah.

[561] Those guys are brutal.

[562] Those guys are so brutal to have conversations with.

[563] You don't realize that they're that guy until it starts and then you're stuck.

[564] You know, like, oh, Jesus.

[565] Like, what do I say?

[566] Do I disagree with him?

[567] What do I say?

[568] Come on, man. You know, own up to yourself.

[569] Stop being annoying.

[570] It's never you.

[571] I do the opposite.

[572] It's always me. Like, that's when my dad would go into school would yell at us.

[573] If we ever got in trouble at school or there was a problem, it was definitely our fault.

[574] And the teacher is right 100 % of the time.

[575] And that was it.

[576] And that was the line.

[577] That's what I was sort of raised with.

[578] It's like, yeah, it's probably me. That's better.

[579] That's better.

[580] Well, I don't play.

[581] It's like any Sebastian.

[582] I was watching Sebastian the other night.

[583] He's like, you know, he goes talking about going to Pinkberry.

[584] And then he goes in, and he goes, he does a sample.

[585] He goes, if I, if I got the wrong fucking ice cream, I fucked up.

[586] Like that's me. I'm going to fucking sample green tea.

[587] He has a great bit.

[588] And everything, all of his bits, it's like, I fucking.

[589] Just get everything on my fucking sandwich.

[590] If I don't like it, I throw it out the window.

[591] What the fuck I want him, my pickle.

[592] Like, fuck you.

[593] Take the allotted amount.

[594] He's so fantastic.

[595] Have you had him on the show?

[596] No. Oh, yeah, he's hilarious.

[597] You know all of his bits.

[598] But anyway, but it's back to that.

[599] It's like, you don't blame other people and have you.

[600] People are so fucking nitpicky.

[601] And it gets back to this whole cunty thing.

[602] Yeah.

[603] Because people love to a snipe and, Also, for a critic or any reviewer, it's much easier to be a critic and say something bad.

[604] Be negative.

[605] Those things right themselves.

[606] It's also people really enjoy being in a conflict where they don't have any stake.

[607] It's almost like a grand distraction that we have with a lot of gossip.

[608] People get really deep into other people's lives and other people's fuck -ups and other people's.

[609] And what it seems to me is like, I think it's a basic human nature that we have where our real life is, it's very uncomfortable to focus on, especially if we're not happy with it so we spend a lot of time focusing on other people's lives and a lot of time and it actually becomes like there's a there's a whole industry behind it you know like the TMZ style industry or there's like MMA has like similar sites that do stories like this and make this a big deal and try to get everybody involved in it it's like they love like controversy they love like the the it's called shit disturbor yeah shit disturber Yeah, that's just good.

[610] But I support them because it is an interesting thing to watch.

[611] It is, I like watching reality TV.

[612] I like watching the mob wives.

[613] I like watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey.

[614] I know what they're doing.

[615] I know that they're showing me crazy shit and locking me into this nothing.

[616] But, you know, if I like it, I like it.

[617] She works for Geo City Sports or Yahoo Sports, right?

[618] I don't care.

[619] I don't care where she works.

[620] Yeah, she works for one of those places.

[621] it's not even about it's not even about her he's just being silly he's being silly he's being silly the whole thing behind it all is you know people not people not like recognizing someone's intent you know people making this this hot button word it's a big issue and people getting so politically correct you know it's god it's so weird everybody wants everybody you know in trouble for saying the wrong thing we're just like can we just be nice to each other and just don't be cunty?

[622] Can't we just do that?

[623] Instead of worrying about the word cunty and someone's saying it, offending everybody with any words, Instead of that, how but just stop being cunty?

[624] Can we just, then there'll be no need for the word cunty.

[625] If nobody was being cunty, no men, no women, just get it together.

[626] It's getting there, though, don't you think?

[627] I mean, I just heard a tappatio, I think it was commercial or something like that on the way here.

[628] And it was like, don't be conti.

[629] Those old lady, his old lady is like, I put that shit on everything, but they beeped out.

[630] shit but it was like I put that shit on everything but it was like oh that's so close yeah I know right it is so close I always wanted to have that as a website our rated commercials where you could go to my website and I would do like fucking leave with 2000 like you smell like shit it's you know just really nice and candid like commercials where it was just swearing well I think eventually the world will be accessing the internet on televisions on radios on car radios so you will be able to have those commercials.

[631] I mean, look, we do a commercial for the fleshlight at the beginning and the end of every show.

[632] And it's, I mean, that is a, it's a commercial, you know, I mean, we can say whatever we want.

[633] Go fuck it, shoot loads in it.

[634] It's awesome.

[635] I mean, that is the R -R -rated commercial.

[636] And it's on the internet.

[637] And because it's on the internet, nobody can tell me, you know, you can't tell me it's offensive.

[638] Well, eventually, everything will be the internet.

[639] These little regulatory bodies that are hanging in there now, they're not going to be able to hold this fucking thing together.

[640] Stick your fingers in the damn that is the internet.

[641] Good luck, fuck -o.

[642] You got no goddamn chance.

[643] They can't even keep this fucking Sony PlayStation shit in line.

[644] These motherfuckers, there's little geniuses out there.

[645] And they can find their way through anything connected online.

[646] Anything that's got a network.

[647] They can find a hole and creep in and send a picture of some guy pulling apart his asshole and make that your desktop.

[648] Okay?

[649] If you don't think they can, you're silly.

[650] You're a silly person.

[651] There's some crazy motherfuckers out there.

[652] No, no. I mean, I remember early days of the computer.

[653] Somebody sent me an email, and I accidentally opened it up.

[654] You know, I had an Earthlink account.

[655] Yeah, I had one of those.

[656] And hairy vagina, just plaguing my computer at work, the hairiest vagina.

[657] That was a thing.

[658] That was a thing.

[659] It was a virus.

[660] It was a well -known virus.

[661] The hairy vagina virus came out and just hit space, more hairy vagina.

[662] Thought you got rid of it.

[663] It let you get rid of it.

[664] And then you restarted your computer, Harry Vagina Gagin.

[665] So you would like, what if you like reinstalled Windows?

[666] That's what he had to do.

[667] You had to just take everything and shut it down because of Harry Vagina.

[668] Do you remember that program that I think I sent it to you, Joe, once?

[669] My favorite program I used to have this on my website was like this program you would like send to your friend like, hey, check this out.

[670] And you open it up and it doesn't do anything.

[671] And they're like, what the fuck was that about?

[672] Or showed like a picture.

[673] And then every time you type though, goes, I like to suck big dick.

[674] I like to suck.

[675] And you couldn't stop it.

[676] Like the only way to stop it was like to hit the escape button.

[677] Yeah.

[678] But what I did is I put that on my website once.

[679] I got all these people pissed off at me, emailing me like, I like to suck big cock.

[680] I like to suck big cock.

[681] And I'm like, oh shit.

[682] I need to tell him how to turn it off.

[683] You put it?

[684] So you put this virus on the internet?

[685] No, it was something that people like passed around before it was like people didn't think of it as a virus.

[686] People that was like a prank.

[687] But like I forgot.

[688] So then I got worried and then I put it on my website.

[689] Like, oh, you know, hit escape to do it.

[690] But for a while I got all these mess.

[691] messages all saying the same thing.

[692] Yeah, you should have warned people of that bomb.

[693] Here's a great prank.

[694] You can use on other people.

[695] You just chose to use it on all their friends.

[696] We banned a lot of people from the message board for putting up those links.

[697] When you click on one, it opens up like 100.

[698] Remember those?

[699] It doesn't really work anymore.

[700] I don't think those work anymore.

[701] Because everybody clicks, Bob, block the pop -up browser or whatever the pop -up windows.

[702] Still, it's like we're just barely hanging on.

[703] Yeah.

[704] It's all coming together into one big soup, man. I don't know.

[705] Hide your kids.

[706] Don't trust that cloud shit.

[707] Don't trust what the cloud shit.

[708] I don't think trusting the cloud shit's the way to go.

[709] Well, you know, it seems a little tricky.

[710] I use it for writing so that, you know, like sometimes I'll update something on my laptop, so I save it.

[711] But I also want to make sure that I save it like on the cloud.

[712] So if I don't want to lose my, the chapter.

[713] So then when I go back to it at home, I do it that way.

[714] So I'm not using the cloud at all.

[715] I do use it mobile me, which I like, that's what I'm talking about.

[716] That's dead.

[717] That's the cloud.

[718] Yeah.

[719] Oh, yeah, I'm using it.

[720] That's dead.

[721] Did you hear about that?

[722] What?

[723] Yeah, they killed it.

[724] They killed Mobile Me?

[725] Yeah, the cloud is the new version of Mobile Me, and now it's free.

[726] And so Mobile Me for current subscribers is going to last until 2012, but it's just going to turn into the cloud.

[727] What?

[728] Yeah.

[729] Skynet's going live.

[730] We're fucked.

[731] Yeah.

[732] Dude, did you hear they created, Dude?

[733] Dude.

[734] Yeah, bro.

[735] That's just a preemptive strike against people on the message board.

[736] Say, dude another time, man. they've created an artificial brain real artificial brain that exhibits 12 seconds of short -term memory isn't that awesome it's fucking nuts man and think that 12 seconds is just like you know old school battery life so I got the biodiesel car yeah yeah Alp pulls up in this fucking ancient car like he's in a goddamn Charles Bronson movie from the 70s that's right I have a regular car and then I have this hobby car and I'm trying to fix it up and I bought it from some old lady in Florida and I actually buy it on eBay and had it sent out.

[737] Wow.

[738] And it's great.

[739] I love it.

[740] It's an old, it's an old Mercedes station wagon.

[741] Yeah, it's in 1985.

[742] The last year it was so they do a one, two, three series.

[743] And then if you research any of these cars, their most reliable cars ever made, I think it was the Volvo 240 and this car are really just incredibly reliable.

[744] Anybody knows these, like, diesel engine.

[745] I think, you know, Dodge has this great diesel engine that they use.

[746] And Mercedes had these one, two, three series, and you can go and get them biodiesel converted.

[747] so when all the shit hits the fan and people are fighting at the gas stations I'll be a member of this lockbox co -op that can make their own shit and I can go in and I can...

[748] Are you preparing for the apocalypse?

[749] Yeah, me and the family then puts our handguns, shotguns in our car and all of our water and we drive away and go kill each other.

[750] There's this guy in L .A. I don't know if you...

[751] What's that shit that they can take that chemical from water in a...

[752] Fluoride from water?

[753] No, no, no. For cars, it's a...

[754] Oh, there's a bunch of hydrogen.

[755] Hydrogen.

[756] There's hydrogen fuel, Mercedes is doing those, and then Mercedes is doing natural gas.

[757] Toyota's doing them also.

[758] Like, they're all coming out in like 2012 or something like that.

[759] But there's this guy in L .A. that will put a kit in your car now that, like, if you get like 30 gallons, whatever, or 30 miles a gallon, it will take it up to like 45.

[760] Weren't we all on that?

[761] Really?

[762] And so it just supplements it with hydrogen?

[763] It makes it a hydrogen hybrid?

[764] Yeah, I think it makes it a hybrid.

[765] A hybrid.

[766] Oh, that motherfucker's going to blow sky high one day.

[767] You're going to be speeding home on the 405, and that shit's going to blow up behind you.

[768] Almost happen to me. See your car flying over other cars before you realize what happened.

[769] I'm thinking about trading my new car, or my, not new, but.

[770] Yeah?

[771] Car and just because I get 15 miles a gallon.

[772] Yeah, you got a big SUV.

[773] But it's nice if you get an accident.

[774] It's medium.

[775] It's not nice if it causes an accident, though.

[776] Yeah.

[777] Yeah, I don't know, man. That's why this thing is outside is a tank.

[778] It's made with, you know, all steel.

[779] So explain to me where you're going to get your biodiesel.

[780] For folks that don't know, can make biodiesel with what kind of food?

[781] Well, you go on...

[782] Obviously need crops, right?

[783] No, it's just all...

[784] Grease?

[785] It can be made with...

[786] You can do it with cooking oil, right?

[787] Remember Tony's...

[788] Our buddy Tony from Columbus had a car that he had running.

[789] I think it was an old Mercedes as well.

[790] So there's different percentages of it, and so you go, like, B -20, B -99, 99%, 20%, and then you can look on and there's all these groups where you can search for biodiesel and a map comes up.

[791] And there's one over in Sun Valley, I think.

[792] called and then there's one in Echo Park that just reopened their membership wow and so you pay four I can pay and so how are they I'm not doing I'm not running what are they doing to make I'm not manufacturing process but I know that they use they can use vegetable oil and convert it to diesel and it burns a sort of clean diesel so not only it's for the atmosphere it's better it burns clean yeah it burns clean that's all the TDI's cars that are coming out with Volkswagen and burn Mercedes and Volkswagen are burning clean diesel.

[793] What does that mean, though, by clean diesel, yeah?

[794] Yeah, I believe that, yeah, because when my car, when I kick back and I'm running regular diesel, I mean, a smoke cloud shoots out behind me. I'm not sure if you've ever been stuck behind a diesel car, but any like bust that's running diesel, that's where you see black smoke going in the atmosphere.

[795] With clean diesel, it doesn't admit that at all, there's no, you know, it's not as toxic.

[796] I'm not sure how they're making them, and I'm probably a little bit over my head on that.

[797] So is this, is this an engine issue or a fuel issue?

[798] It's like fuel in the same engine?

[799] Yeah, same diesel fuel is they're putting it through these newer engines.

[800] Newer diesel engines are admitting sort of a clean thing.

[801] Okay, so it's an engine thing.

[802] It's not like your car, the old one.

[803] I have the 85, you know.

[804] So this is the old style.

[805] Yeah, and the new ones are burning clean, that's what you're saying?

[806] 2011 is all CDI with clean diesel.

[807] So they figured out how to do it just by adjusting something in the engine?

[808] Yeah, I'm sure.

[809] they can't do that with gasoline that's that's crazy well there's natural gas cars that are now coming out you mentioned the hydrogen i mean anybody buying a car that wants to buy a new car i think now because you have a lot of the cars you know i'm saying and um you know get your v12 on now that's how i look at it it's like people don't want to get a car with a lot of gas by a challenger now because when it's semi affordable because you're not going to be able to do that five years from now they're not going to be an extinct thing and gas costs are just going to be ridiculous.

[810] So are you a proponent of peak oil?

[811] Do you believe that?

[812] I don't even know.

[813] You don't know what peak oil is?

[814] Peak oil is the theory that there's a certain amount of oil, a finite amount, and that once you hit it, you hit like the peak of the production process until the well starts giving out.

[815] As the well starts giving out, you see diminishing returns.

[816] That's bullshit, I think.

[817] I don't know about that, too.

[818] There's an unlimited supply of oil?

[819] I mean, you think there is?

[820] I don't think there is, no. Oh, yeah.

[821] But by saying that's bullshit, what are you saying?

[822] I don't believe that there's a peak, or I don't believe that, I don't believe that, that documentary, it's been so long since I've seen it.

[823] Oh, I know what you're talking about.

[824] You're talking about collapse.

[825] Yeah, collapse.

[826] Yeah.

[827] Well, collapse is a very extreme take on things.

[828] I don't know what that is.

[829] It's his take.

[830] This guy, Michael Rupert, who is a guy who is a cop, and he allegedly caught some CIA agents dealing drugs in the ghetto.

[831] arrested them, tried to prosecute them.

[832] He was told to drop the case, and so he was appalled by, and he went public with it.

[833] And he went to, there was some big meeting, and he gets in the back of the room, and he testifies and says that he was a cop, and that he was a cop in Los Angeles, and that he personally witnessed the CIA selling drugs, and that it's been something they've done forever, and everybody gets screams and goes crazy.

[834] So this guy has been, like from that moment on, he's been, in like this sort of like a beacon of truth to a lot of people.

[835] And he wrote a book about peak oil a few years ago that I started to read.

[836] I started to read, but I couldn't get into it.

[837] It was like so goddamn doom and gloom.

[838] And then I watched his documentary and that's collapsed.

[839] And it's the same thing.

[840] It's a lot of doom and gloom.

[841] And Brian had a real good point.

[842] He's like he's not being honest about what's happening.

[843] He's like only talking about things that fit into his little version of the world falling apart.

[844] Like, especially you were talking about him lying about cell phones.

[845] There's more cell phone towers and they're better than ever, and they're constantly upgrading them.

[846] They're upgrading everyone to 4G as well.

[847] Yeah.

[848] Yeah, I don't even remember.

[849] That was so long ago.

[850] That was the one red flag for you.

[851] You were like, this is stupid.

[852] This guy's saying that cell phones are shutting off and everything, you know, people, the companies are going under.

[853] This is nonsense.

[854] That's totally bullshit.

[855] It's not true at all.

[856] Yeah, there's a crazy amount of towers.

[857] And, you know, the comedy store just got a tax.

[858] the other day finally really yeah comedy stores a cell phone well no i mean you know how the i don't know have you been to the comedy story it was always the worst yeah dead zone now it's i had five bars the whole that's a soul -sucking apocalypse that's why that plays all the fucking bad hoodoo in the air in that joint yeah just sucking those cell phone signals away yeah and you got to think about the amount of data that's now like especially with these fourg towers how much data is now it's a cloud now we're on the cloud too you know that's how much data is that going to add is this 4g shit the stuff that's going to kill the bees off finally for Good.

[859] No, it's just cause autism.

[860] That's all it does.

[861] Is this killing bees?

[862] Do you believe that?

[863] Have you looked into that?

[864] I know, Dad, we have a lot of bees in our backyard, and my son came in the other day and goes, Dad, I caught a bee.

[865] Then I'm saying, all right, let's be careful with it.

[866] There's like five left.

[867] I am more...

[868] Bring it to the conservatory.

[869] I think twice before smacking one.

[870] Do you believe that?

[871] Do you think that cell phone signals are killing bees?

[872] I don't know what's killing bees, but something's killing bees.

[873] There's a couple articles right away.

[874] When I look at...

[875] When I looked up, cell phone signals killing bees.

[876] The first two things are saying cell phone signals not killing bees.

[877] Yeah.

[878] I mean, it's all that shit's just headlines.

[879] It's scare tactics.

[880] It's one person with a theory and then people jumping on that theory.

[881] Sure.

[882] But is there a good possibility that in 20 years there'll be no bees or oil left?

[883] Maybe.

[884] I mean, yeah, there's a good chance.

[885] 20 years from now.

[886] Possibly.

[887] And then the cloud will take over and everything.

[888] You know, why wouldn't a cell phones kill Nats first?

[889] Okay, this is saying, this article is saying they don't kill bees, but they fuck up their life.

[890] Why wouldn't it fuck up fleas then?

[891] Why wouldn't it fuck up?

[892] Well, maybe it does.

[893] Maybe it does.

[894] We just don't know.

[895] Well, bees are super complicated.

[896] I mean, I talked to you guys about this.

[897] I said this story on the podcast once of a thing that we did in Fear Factor where we covered people in bees, covered them head to toe with bees.

[898] And then we had this, like, guy who had this huge hive with him.

[899] And he carries these things around with him.

[900] He's a professional beekeeper.

[901] And his bees all were met in the middle of the sky by another local group of bees.

[902] Gang, gang.

[903] And they had to talk it out through the air.

[904] And everybody had to back off.

[905] We had to stop the stunt.

[906] They removed the bees off this person's body and this cloud of bees.

[907] And it was fucking surreal, man. And what was surreal about it was, first of all, as high as fuck.

[908] High as fuck.

[909] So high back then.

[910] Woo!

[911] That won.

[912] That won.

[913] Because it was like quite a while before the stunt was about.

[914] start.

[915] So I was peaked.

[916] A lot of time.

[917] This cloud of bees was like an alien horde.

[918] It's like these two groups of aliens.

[919] And the reason we're not completely freaked out by them is that they're only that big.

[920] But bees are fucking fascinating, man. And if bees were enormous, you know, they would be like, the worst monster movie ever would be giant bees.

[921] No, they're scary looking.

[922] We have, you know, because again, of the kids, we have all these magnifying glasses in the backyard where my insect thing you catch an insect and then you immediately screw down you can look at it under a microscope I'm finding these grubs and beetles in our backyard and if there is alien life on earth they just decided to be small and genius like that and they're down there and we don't know how they're if I'm communicating because this shit was so weird I've never seen have you seen a grub up close it's disgusting It was a big praying mantis the other day in the bushes And I was hanging out with this thing Trying to check it out I just wanted to like look at them move around And everything And when I was looking at it was like This is such a strange little fucking animal Like it's life Just like you know It's we're alive and it's alive But god damn could it be more removed from a person This green armor on its body And this is its fucking hands It's jacking things Yeah Even stranger to meet the horse Oh yeah Just so bizarre.

[923] Yeah, very strange.

[924] How bizarre are they?

[925] I've never been a horse guy.

[926] I've never, I grew up in the city my entire life, so I've never been around a bunch of walking horses, so I don't even know that.

[927] But whenever I walk up to one, I'm like, how is this?

[928] This is okay.

[929] Like, look at this.

[930] This is unbelievable, like the teeth on them, and they're like, give one an apple, you know, like somebody's been around them in their entire life.

[931] He's probably laughing at this because, you know, they have a horse is a pet.

[932] Yeah.

[933] But I don't even, I mean, do you have a lot of neighbors with horses?

[934] Yeah, I'm neighbors with horses.

[935] My neighbors have a lady who lives down the street.

[936] loves horses.

[937] You didn't even have a baby horse?

[938] No, my neighbors, I live in a equestrian district, and my neighbor's got those little baby horses, and they walk them around like dogs.

[939] You know, so the horse thing is a weird thing, but people get this very strange connection with their horse.

[940] I mean, they ride that thing around, but it's a different sort of, horses are not that smart.

[941] You're not?

[942] No, not really.

[943] Horses were like the cell phones of the 1800s.

[944] It's like when you're riding them, it's, you know, it's like you're connected to this animal, this animal's taking you around.

[945] It's very intimate.

[946] And for women, I think, it always feels like it's sexual.

[947] Yeah, they like it.

[948] It is.

[949] Every girl I ask, I always ask that question to girls, and they all say, it feels good, yes.

[950] Yeah, it feels good to ride that thing on your pussy.

[951] Line it up right?

[952] Yeah.

[953] This lady who lives up the street, she looks like she just gets off on that horse every day.

[954] Their boots, collect their juice.

[955] And then they give up on, one of the sure signs, a lot of those horse ladies, give up on looking good for men.

[956] They just give the fuck up.

[957] Yeah, yeah.

[958] Hannel shirts, cowboy boots.

[959] I don't give a fuck.

[960] I don't give a fuck if you want to do this.

[961] I'm going to just go.

[962] ride my horse and get an orgasm.

[963] That's what they do.

[964] Come on, fellow.

[965] Let's go down a cobblestone road.

[966] They always have really rough skin those horse girls.

[967] I don't know.

[968] Like, their face looks like a lot of sun damage.

[969] Yeah, a lot of sun damage, and they have strong hands from holding on to that fucking bridle while they come.

[970] And they're all a little cunty.

[971] A little cunty.

[972] If there's anything that came out of this, I talked about this on Twitter that's good.

[973] I think more people are going to use the word cunty.

[974] It's a fun word.

[975] It's not that bad.

[976] And you can be cunty.

[977] You can be cunty and recover, okay?

[978] And if I was at Denny's, that's how it looks, let's say you had a problem with the waitress.

[979] And she comes over and she says, can I speak to the manager, please?

[980] And that's what you would choose to say.

[981] You say, sir, thanks for coming over.

[982] I just wanted you to know that I feel like your waitress, when she took our order, she's a little bit cunty.

[983] And he'd say, I'm sorry about that.

[984] We've known she was cunty.

[985] And this is her last warning for cuntiness.

[986] County is trending right now on Twitter That's awesome I've been using as a hashtag I went to a hash bar in LA the other day It was the closest thing to feeling like you're in Amsterdam Like you actually That exists Yeah the front part was where you bought the weed And then the back was a bar with a stage Let's not say the name of this before you go any further Let's not say the name Yeah let's not say the name But the thing I did comedy there that night And it was packed And I thought that would be like the most ideal situation.

[987] No. No, that's an awful idea.

[988] After two hours of smoking hash, their audience is pretty much fucking gone.

[989] Like, I was like, it was so weird, dude.

[990] It was like, even the people I came with, they were just fucking gone.

[991] And I'm like, you don't even know what anyone's talking about right now.

[992] Yes, it would be a situation where I would yell out again.

[993] Hey, you!

[994] I did.

[995] Pipe, away from the mouth.

[996] Come on, pay attention.

[997] I did my rape joke, and immediately, everyone who was raped, in the audience over thought, and I brought them back to their bad place.

[998] Maybe your rape joke isn't the best example.

[999] That's something that you have to think about.

[1000] Yeah, I didn't think about that.

[1001] Like, no, hash jokes are more poop and fart jokes in the future for me. If they ever do that, if they ever.

[1002] You, uh, yeah, when you get really high, especially if you get really high on edibles or hash or anything super strong, you really start to think about things that you're doing that are negative.

[1003] You start to think about things that you're doing that affect people and a negative way and that you don't have to do them but sometimes you just get addicted to do them it's easy to do them you get used to doing it you get cunty yeah that's what it is i can't believe that's a problem it is a tell you anything with the why it seems cute dude there's people calling for me to get suspended and all sorts of stuff i mean when you look in the scope of the internet somebody else told me something great about because i stopped i will not uh google myself like just because is a waste of my time.

[1004] And I'm so I'm not, I don't look at anything.

[1005] And there was a while when I did and it just makes you feel bad.

[1006] But there's always people saying negative shit.

[1007] So these people that are calling for you to be fired or suspended, all right, there's always going to be a handful of people that dwell in the negative like this woman did in the first place.

[1008] But look up your most favorite thing on the internet.

[1009] I mean, like Eddie Murphy, delirious, you know, ice cream man or something that you know is good.

[1010] There is 232 people dislike it.

[1011] You know, there's always going to be.

[1012] So look up your most favorite thing and then on YouTube and look how many people dislike it.

[1013] Listen, man, everyone's not going to like the same thing.

[1014] We have to accept that.

[1015] It's not a matter of not liking something.

[1016] It's a matter of cuntiness.

[1017] There's a lot of things that I don't like and I'm not mean about them.

[1018] Sure, you just don't like it.

[1019] I just don't like it.

[1020] It's not my thing, man. It's like I do acknowledge that there's different types of comedians so that I don't necessarily want to be.

[1021] So there's all types of comics.

[1022] I know that people appreciate them.

[1023] Like we were just talking about at the opening of the show, there's people that are just church comics.

[1024] Sure.

[1025] Those guys.

[1026] And that they fulfill a need, you know, and there's so on.

[1027] And there's people like, nothing wrong with that at all.

[1028] Black comics, Mexican comic, whatever it is, that's fantastic because there's people that really like that specific brand and there's so much of it that is going to niche out and there's going to be different types.

[1029] But that being said, you know, it's like you can't dwell in.

[1030] the negativity of it all and get caught up in all of this I mean there's certain people who just love to fucking snipe, snip, snip, snip, snip.

[1031] Yeah, some people just love to they just do this all day online.

[1032] I mean, there's internet flames for a lot of people is one of the ways they get out aggression.

[1033] You know, some people have like really boring -ass fucking crappy jobs but they're in front of a computer all day.

[1034] And so they just get online on message boards during the day and just get cuntie.

[1035] Just get cunt -tastic left and right.

[1036] that sounds really nice actually that sounds you yeah contastic is better we can do better folks I know I can do better too I'm saying all of us together our podcast uh mine and yours were both on the BBC the other day did you see that no what was it uh this guy was talking about how easy nowadays is to take your iPhone and put in your car and having it connected to your stereo and he was talking and he was like showing the stitcher app and he was like oh and then there's a stitcher app and he went and he loaded up Death Squad as the sample and it's just so now I'm thinking wow do they know that's like a Hitler cat cat on BBC yay the Hitler cat with suicide bomber shit on your cat has what we're going to make a t -shirt of that let's make a t -shirt of that cat yeah I need to I've been Duncan has my stylist so I need to just clean it up a little okay yeah let's make a t -shirt of that I'll wear one of those um but yeah so that was on the BBC well that obviously must be somebody listens to the podcast so whoever you always are.

[1037] Thank you.

[1038] That's awesome.

[1039] That's pretty fucking, that's pretty sweet.

[1040] But you have a podcast now too.

[1041] You just got in, uh, really?

[1042] We're just doing all.

[1043] It's me, Moss, Jubrani, and Chris Spencer.

[1044] We just actually had to put our first episode up today.

[1045] Oh, that's awesome.

[1046] We're going to try it on a weekly basis.

[1047] We're going to try to do it on a weekly basis.

[1048] What's it called?

[1049] Minivan men.

[1050] We don't know we don't, we don't.

[1051] Minivanmen.

[1052] Minivanmen .com.

[1053] Nobody owns a mini van van .com.

[1054] Nobody owns a minivan.

[1055] But anyway, it's just all dad stuff.

[1056] Like I said.

[1057] Right.

[1058] So it's a dad podcast.

[1059] Yeah, it's all, you know, my wife.

[1060] I'm with a van so bad.

[1061] You want a van.

[1062] Dude, that's so funny.

[1063] You said that.

[1064] I was just talking to Mrs. Rogan about maybe getting a custom van.

[1065] Are you serious?

[1066] Yeah.

[1067] Remember when you were a kid?

[1068] The family wagon.

[1069] Yeah.

[1070] Like, you know, like, because it's tough to get like a lot of seats in a car, you know, unless you go minivan.

[1071] But minivans are whack.

[1072] But if you get a van, like a real van and inside of it, you make it cool.

[1073] Have you seen them lately?

[1074] No, but I bet the badass nowadays.

[1075] Yeah.

[1076] They're really awesome.

[1077] There was, it was like, you know, a late night in Vegas watching television when I should be asleep.

[1078] And it was, there was a commercial years ago for some guy.

[1079] I did custom vans.

[1080] And inside, they would show all this, like, crazy shit that he's got inside.

[1081] And it sparked that interest, but I never looked at it again.

[1082] Have you seen a sports mobile, that van?

[1083] What's that?

[1084] Type in sports mobile.

[1085] Take a look at this.

[1086] No, what is it?

[1087] I just remember as a kid, like, my friend's parents always had, like, the really nice vans with, like, you know, like just high deluxe chairs.

[1088] Oh, my God.

[1089] this is amazing that badass look at this whoa oh my god it's fucking huge I think this might have been one that's something like what I saw so you can trick those out any way you want that's incredible and people just love it these are huge but that's more end of the world shit too yeah that's some apocalyptic shit it's a 3D TV so you can trick them out like oh wow you can trick that out any want you want to go to the inside of this thing man it's got a fucking kitchen see I don't need a kitchen I just want a big water bed in the You know, like we're going to, look at that.

[1090] Yeah, these are crazy.

[1091] Matt's having a waterbed in the back of your van and a TV.

[1092] So that's all brand new trick down.

[1093] Like you can...

[1094] So getting back to that, man, with all this biodiesel talk, are you one of those end -of -the -world guys?

[1095] No, not really.

[1096] I'm not.

[1097] I just really want to...

[1098] Be safe.

[1099] Well, and also, you know, it's economics.

[1100] It's like I want...

[1101] If gas gets crazy, which it has, like, you know...

[1102] It's amazing how they went and had that conversation with all...

[1103] all of the oil companies and said they're going to stop getting gas subsidies and then the prices went down a lot.

[1104] Did you notice that?

[1105] We were up about 4 .50.

[1106] Right.

[1107] And then they had the talk with them saying, we're going to get rid of your subsidies.

[1108] And then the prices went down.

[1109] Like, just lay off us.

[1110] We'll keep it around here.

[1111] Do you believe that they manipulate the oil and gas prices in accordance with world events and elections and stuff like that?

[1112] I really think they do.

[1113] And I think it's like it's six people.

[1114] And what they do is they just all sort to hover, you know, around the same price.

[1115] So if somebody starts bringing their prices up, everybody will just follow suit.

[1116] But isn't it directly based I'm totally just plain devil's advocate here.

[1117] Isn't it directly based on production, though?

[1118] No. No, I think they can manipulate it.

[1119] I don't think it's based on.

[1120] It's supposed to be?

[1121] I think so.

[1122] I think it's like all about reserved.

[1123] What is it?

[1124] How is it?

[1125] I think it's based on whatever they think they can get away with.

[1126] Yeah, I think so too.

[1127] I need to read an article on this before I talk further.

[1128] Well, I don't think you'll ever find the exact truth.

[1129] It's what the problem is.

[1130] Yeah, well, You're right.

[1131] You're dead right.

[1132] But I remember when Bush was leaving office, remember how high the gas got?

[1133] It got fucking bad.

[1134] Where I know people who were like, who didn't want to leave the house because they needed to be able to get to work and home two days in a row before they ran out of gas.

[1135] I remember there was no traffic.

[1136] There was no traffic for a long time.

[1137] Like when gas prices were really high.

[1138] Yeah.

[1139] Because I got a drive from Eagle Rock.

[1140] I had to just drive to Glendale.

[1141] And so I got on this stretch of the 134 where it was packed all the time.

[1142] and I would take it the same time every single morning and I could know when school was in and schools out and I could really regulate that shit and I remember getting on when gas prices were high and I just flowed I didn't have to get in a carpool lane or anything because that's how few people were driving What do you think it was 20 % down?

[1143] If you had to guess, 10 % down?

[1144] You had to say a number of less people.

[1145] Oh no, I think it was 30, 40 % down.

[1146] Wow.

[1147] Yeah, because it would just completely clog up in the same area at the same time every single morning And I remember hearing them discuss it at the time as well.

[1148] It's like gas prices really went down.

[1149] It's amazing.

[1150] Well, you know, my real issue with the end of the world is that, you know, whenever anybody starts talking about what could happen, what could it, what – the real issue to me is gasoline, and especially in Los Angeles, because we are totally unsustainable.

[1151] You know, this is like the mass of people all in one area, absolutely completely depend on their ability to move around and bring things in.

[1152] I mean, there's 20 million people in L .A. And no one's growing anything other than weed.

[1153] No, actually, and that's where I'd hippie out as well a little bit, because Bill Burr came over the house and he was cracking up a lot.

[1154] He's like, you're ready for the end of the world here?

[1155] That's good, Bill Burr.

[1156] We're growing all kinds of shit.

[1157] Everybody's going to be trying to be fighting people off with a shotgun.

[1158] That's good.

[1159] That's good.

[1160] Shoot, everybody.

[1161] Get away from my fucking apocats, asshole.

[1162] Fuck you in your RSS feeds.

[1163] RSS got me on BBC.

[1164] so um oh anyway so i grow i have guava apricot my wife just made apricot oh look man i'm not saying that you can't grow your own stuff but i'm just saying like i do like that idea as well smart idea i have a bunch of shit going yeah and i've got you know tomatoes and my wife just for the hell of it we're playing you know little house in the prairie over there in eagle rock and she's canning shit and it's oh that's awesome you know you can have chickens and shit too chickens are really easy to have yeah goat if you want to kill a goat yeah kill a couple of goats you also should switch to solar power.

[1165] If any place is a good place for solar power, it's here.

[1166] I want to switch to that eventually.

[1167] It's so, they should have that as a law here.

[1168] Why, you should totally do it.

[1169] It's difficult.

[1170] It's difficult.

[1171] We had it in, in Colorado on this cabin, this cabin that we had.

[1172] And it's, there's issues with that.

[1173] Solar, first of all, those batteries are finite.

[1174] They have to be swapped out.

[1175] I don't think they can last forever.

[1176] And, you know, it's like, you've got to have, like, real cloud -free days over and over and over to charge it.

[1177] In L .A. It probably would be a sponsor that you should probably get.

[1178] But does it even go to a battery?

[1179] Does it even go to a battery?

[1180] I thought it just went from solar collector to back into the grid.

[1181] Like, you're paying.

[1182] Well, that's assuming that the grid is going to be operable, right?

[1183] We're talking about some end of the world shit if you're going to have solar power.

[1184] I don't know if they could really...

[1185] I mean, yeah, you can sell back power.

[1186] I know a guy with a windmill who sells back power.

[1187] It is in Oregon.

[1188] But, I mean, if the grid goes, you have to think, well, now you're reliant totally on solar power.

[1189] Right?

[1190] So it has to go to some sort of a battery backup.

[1191] And that's what happened at this cabin.

[1192] The cabin that we had in Colorado, it was all solar powered.

[1193] And it went to some sort of a battery backup sort of a thing.

[1194] So it stores the electricity.

[1195] My only problem with being the only house with solar power, let's say it all goes because of shit.

[1196] It's fucking zombies.

[1197] You're going to see the lights.

[1198] They'll fucking know that you're the guy.

[1199] There'll be fires everywhere.

[1200] Fires and lights.

[1201] Listen, man, that whole zombie thing is very possible.

[1202] It's a funny thing that it's such a theme over and over again in movies.

[1203] Dead.

[1204] It's great show.

[1205] Yeah, it's a great show.

[1206] I just got into it.

[1207] I actually only watched the first episode, but it was fucking badass.

[1208] It's incredible.

[1209] And I've been looking for time to catch the second one, but I've been busy.

[1210] It's good show.

[1211] It's great.

[1212] But, you know, that that's sort of a thing that we get infected by some sort of a horrible parasite or some sort of a, you know, like a rabies sort of a thing.

[1213] Rabies for people.

[1214] That's fucking real possible, man. How is that not possible?

[1215] Oh, no, anything with any epidemic, I totally buy into that as well.

[1216] 28 days later?

[1217] I'd easily be the first guy dead.

[1218] You ever see that?

[1219] Twenty -eight days later?

[1220] Yeah.

[1221] That's the same thing.

[1222] were they or any of the resident evil movies i'm a big fan of the resident evil i don't have that idea for a show that i thought was funny but no one would want to do i pitched it as a cartoon where it was a prequel to resident evil you know how they're all in the hive they're underground yeah and they start there it's like these guys i got a great job opportunity okay it's in a so everybody knows what's going to happen and these guys are just living their little mundane lives in the hive like that there's a gym i think we should do it like talking to his friend even to moving you need five miles underground or whatever it is and we're We know they're all going to die.

[1223] Just think of the zombie outbreak as being like herpes, and just imagine that.

[1224] All these people with herpes being zombies.

[1225] Yeah, could be, right?

[1226] You're right.

[1227] If zombies was a disease that you'd catch, just like herpes is a disease that you catch.

[1228] Yeah.

[1229] But it would be way worse because zombies eat people, so there'd be no one left.

[1230] That 28 days later to me was one of the scariest horror movies and most realistic ever.

[1231] When that chick hacked up her friend with the machete, when he got bitten and he tried to say he was okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.

[1232] And she hacked them up with the fucking machete.

[1233] Do you remember that shit, dude?

[1234] Yo, that was real.

[1235] That was real shit.

[1236] That was a scene in a movie where there was no Hollywood bullshit where someone had to make a split -second life or death decision.

[1237] I mean, there was no romantic here.

[1238] I hate to do this to you, Bobby.

[1239] Do it.

[1240] Go ahead, do it.

[1241] No, no. It was extreme denial and extreme violence.

[1242] You guys are like, no, I'm okay, I'm okay.

[1243] And she fucking hacks him to death with that machete.

[1244] God damn.

[1245] That's how scary those fucking zombies were.

[1246] They're that scary.

[1247] She knew it was coming, so she hacks them to death with a fucking machete.

[1248] She'd been hanging around with them, paling her.

[1249] That was her boy.

[1250] They fought zombies together.

[1251] Every zombie movie has that.

[1252] You've got to kill somebody you care about moment.

[1253] Yeah, you're right.

[1254] Yeah, every single one.

[1255] You got it.

[1256] It's standard.

[1257] But I'm saying in terms of zombies, have you thought about anything?

[1258] Well, just, I mean, any, like, you have a secure joint?

[1259] Have I really thought about zombies?

[1260] No, not zombies.

[1261] but I'm talking about people getting in.

[1262] Next time someone says they don't want to get high, I'm going to listen to them.

[1263] It's true on the worst.

[1264] So I'm talking about people get...

[1265] But yeah, let's not talk about that.

[1266] I just said, well, for me and the tiny, you know, I have a little place in Eagle Rock where...

[1267] Where's the Eagle Rock?

[1268] That is just...

[1269] So if someone wants to stalk you, which is the best way to go about it?

[1270] Easy to do.

[1271] All you're going to do is go to.

[1272] No, I am right before the Rose Bowl, right?

[1273] Where the Pasadena.

[1274] Right.

[1275] Right before you get there.

[1276] Northeast L .A. Anyway, so I think about fortifying my joint.

[1277] Like, I want it to be tight.

[1278] Like, I get locked on my fence.

[1279] So my dog can't get out and nothing really can get in.

[1280] Are you in an area where it's a lot of population?

[1281] I'm not familiar with that area.

[1282] Yeah, I have a lot of population.

[1283] I have a decent amount.

[1284] It's nice.

[1285] Yeah, Jory lives out.

[1286] We're used to, I think, in Marin lives not too far away.

[1287] Okay, yeah, I did his podcast in this place.

[1288] So he's about two miles away.

[1289] That's a unique neighborhood.

[1290] Maria Banford.

[1291] He lives more.

[1292] a little bit more south of me over on the hill and it's a little more country up there.

[1293] Is that...

[1294] It's a country?

[1295] Where it's Mexican country.

[1296] Country.

[1297] Is that what you meant?

[1298] Yeah.

[1299] Mexican country?

[1300] But you just said country?

[1301] Country.

[1302] It's a little more...

[1303] Because he's in the hills and there's a lot of open space.

[1304] Not like you have, but for L .A., yeah.

[1305] Oh, I see what you're saying.

[1306] It's a little more rural.

[1307] Empty lots and stuff like that.

[1308] In my neighborhood, every single lot has a house on it.

[1309] Yeah.

[1310] Every single one.

[1311] And we're all packed next to each other.

[1312] I love the country.

[1313] It's an interesting area, though.

[1314] there's a lot of cool people that live in that area you know that whole area it's like so many creative types are in that area yeah we have maria banford is right next to like where my kids go to play um so it's a bonus stalking zone yeah you get three it's kind of hippie though kind of hippie yeah yeah man i think it's really important to to live near trees and shit you know i think you got to have at least some of that in your life i i don't know how people live like in like a full city like full manhattan i mean unless you live near the park and you can go to the park all the time for me that would kind of freak me out I like seeing trees I don't like being jammed in on top of people in box on box stacked on top of each other to me that just freaks me out well there's something but also I agree and I like all that's like I have all the fruit trees and everything and I like the being you know have all the gardening space and I have all the shit I grow but I do like the life like the of a bohemian like in a penthouse you know and a cool like Tribeca fucking Right I see what you're saying So there is the appeal on both sides I think you can mix it up So you can go when you can vacation Or whatever you have that city lifestyle There is something about the intellectual New York The intelligent New York Like there's a group of people that live in New York That really wouldn't want to live anywhere else in the world And you know some of them are a little snooty about it But it's because they're proud of being in an extremely unusual city Sure I mean, there's no city in America like New York.

[1315] There's a few that are close, but...

[1316] Youngstown.

[1317] It's like, if you live in New York, the only place you could really live where it would feel like a city, you got like a couple of choices.

[1318] You've got Chicago, maybe part of San Francisco, but it's still not really going to be New York.

[1319] New York is one mass of it.

[1320] It's so intimidating to people when you go there, and I feel like when you attain a certain amount of wealth, when you're in a badass penthouse with your cocktail, a tuxedo, and your fucking hot life was on your arm, you feel like, I run this shit.

[1321] You ever really?

[1322] I don't say it happened to me. I'm in the 1 ,300 square foot house.

[1323] But I'm saying to somebody like Jay -Z standing with fucking Beyonce on his arm, looking out into the city, and he's got to be thinking, I can run the world, you know, or some shit like that, where he feels so on command because it is on top of it.

[1324] It's such a doggy, yeah, exactly.

[1325] A buddy of mine's dad is really rich, and we went to his house once, and he's got this fucking badass apartment in New York City with this sick view.

[1326] it's so ridiculous this guy's got loads of cash I don't know how rich he is but he's he's he's rich and I'm walking through his living room and his living room is just like one giant building to the left and one to the right and like he's looking at this spectacular like man created artwork like his view it was stunning it was like you know I appreciate the view of the mountains to me that's my favorite view but everybody's got their own favorite view but that view, that New York City in the heart of everything view is pretty fucking spectacular if you could afford an apartment on one of those buildings dude I was blown away just walking around this guy's place but it was like $7 million this apartment I'm just saying it'd be nice to you can do both you can appreciate both and then go like to all those guys probably go to Montana I bet it's cheap I bet $7 million is cheap too because he got it in the fucking 50s or something you know I mean I don't really know how my I mean I don't think this guy's tried to sell it But, I mean, some of those, like, crazy Donald Trump ones that they have.

[1327] Like, didn't they sell one recently in New York?

[1328] It was, like, the most expensive real estate transaction ever.

[1329] Oh, it was a house on top of penthouse.

[1330] Yeah, it was ridiculous.

[1331] Yeah, it was like a whole house.

[1332] It was like 60 million bucks or something fucking stupid like that.

[1333] Yeah.

[1334] There's a few of those Bernie Madoff style setups in New York that you don't realize.

[1335] You know, that's kind of quiet.

[1336] You know, it's kind of weird, too, right?

[1337] Because people can just walk by and just touch your house, you know?

[1338] You know, on a regular basis, people are walking by and touching your house.

[1339] But inside, you know, you've got this fucking insane 40 ,000 square foot mansion with all...

[1340] Private elevators, some kind of shit.

[1341] Yeah, butlers and a full staff, you know.

[1342] They have staffs and shit.

[1343] In San Francisco, one of my friends' dads had the car elevator where you drive it in to you.

[1344] So you drive in this badass building in Russian Hill.

[1345] And then you pull your car in.

[1346] Your car gets in an elevator with you in it.

[1347] then an earthquake happens and you fucking get stuck in this tunnel and your family's crushed underneath that's like some Terminator type not Terminator what's his name Batman There was the fucking What was the Punisher Punisher had that Seems like he would have that sort of a setup Pwnisher had that It's like drive his car elevator Go to the top floors Got like a rifle range set up Robert Eurek in Vegas He used to drive his car Into his garage then hot hot how many movies were there Of dudes that were like Badass Rebel guys who lived in lofts.

[1348] They all lived in this weird, like sort of an industrial, no comfort area.

[1349] You know, it's all just, I'm just here for business, not for pleasure.

[1350] Yeah.

[1351] You know, right?

[1352] This amazing piece of waterfront real estate do I dock, cleaning guns, blade.

[1353] He's got a warehouse on a pier.

[1354] Exactly.

[1355] Remote control curtains.

[1356] Yeah.

[1357] Yeah.

[1358] Who's funding this?

[1359] I wonder if there really are dudes out there that are rocking it as like some sort of a, yeah, I mean, some sort of, Sort of a vigilante character.

[1360] I just watched the mechanic, and that was a good...

[1361] Did you like the new one?

[1362] Yeah, I liked it.

[1363] I just liked the idea.

[1364] I've never watched that out of respect.

[1365] Respect for Charles Bronson.

[1366] I just wear the hat.

[1367] This Jason Cheatham, say to him what the fuck his name is.

[1368] Get out of here, you fucking Mo Mo Mo. Joey Diaz wore his hat of the new movie out of respect for the old movie, but he won't watch the new movie.

[1369] He goes to his love somebody going to their living room and hitting a thing and having the secret panel open up.

[1370] He's got one of those?

[1371] Yeah, because that's how he plans out of shit.

[1372] And it'd be like, if you have it, you're going to go...

[1373] Right.

[1374] Okay, okay.

[1375] I thought you were talking about Joey Diaz.

[1376] Oh, that would be awesome.

[1377] What?

[1378] Oh, you're talking about the Punisher.

[1379] I got a secret panel.

[1380] It's behind the bookshelf.

[1381] Isn't it a funny thing?

[1382] Those guys, they all had, like, warehouses with a motorcycle up there, you know?

[1383] Yeah.

[1384] And a dummy where they would practice throwing knives at it and shit.

[1385] Sure, sure.

[1386] Who automated all this stuff?

[1387] I got dragged to the Star Wars in concert at the Hollywood Bowl.

[1388] What is that?

[1389] Is Joey, was telling me something about it that it was like three hundred dollars a ticket uh yeah i don't know my girlfriend's a huge star trek uh nerd star trek or star wars nerd i'm sorry star wars nerd and she's like she wanted to go but i think it was sold out but she's been checking and the other day they released some tickets what is it it's a it's the original the music yeah it's the original guy that did all the music for uh star wars he's there and the voices c3 p o narrates this whole like kind of like journey through the star wars universe using all the music uh from star wars and there's like A journey through the Star Wars universe?

[1390] It's kind of like watching a wrap -up of all the Star Wars movies, like, live with the whole orchestra, and they have this huge, like, HD screen and these lasers that are coming out of everywhere.

[1391] I mean, it's trippy.

[1392] It's really like...

[1393] What are you seeing on the stage?

[1394] Are you seeing them act things out?

[1395] No, no, stage is the orchestra.

[1396] Stage the orchestra.

[1397] Then you got this guy that played C3Po walking around going, now let's go into Star Wars.

[1398] You know, he's like kind of...

[1399] And then, like, they'll show, like, parts from the movie, and then the orchestra plays...

[1400] The crowd cheer.

[1401] Towards the music.

[1402] You know, like, it's kind of like you're watching clips of the movie while a real orchestra is going through, like, playing the soundtrack to Star Wars, while there's a laser show, and while...

[1403] I don't know, all this crap's going on.

[1404] So you're watching the movie at the same time?

[1405] Not the whole movie, just, like, parts of it.

[1406] Like, you know...

[1407] They took the music from, seeing...

[1408] You know, like...

[1409] And isn't it, like, $300 a ticket?

[1410] I don't think so.

[1411] I think we got $70 a ticket.

[1412] And so we're thinking...

[1413] You're high up.

[1414] Yeah.

[1415] We're thinking we're super high up, right?

[1416] But we took emergency, ecstasy in our pocket just in case if we weren't.

[1417] We get in.

[1418] We're fucking front row of the fucking Hollywood Bowl.

[1419] $70 ticket.

[1420] What?

[1421] C -3PO is sitting right in front of me as close as me and you are to here, just doing the whole narration, like walking and then coming back and sitting down right in front of me. So we both look at your like, all right, we're doing this.

[1422] We went deep.

[1423] But that was amazing.

[1424] if you can check it out if you're a star star wars fan and if it's in your city fucking check that shit out it's so basically we were saying you enjoyed it because you were on drugs yeah for half of it was no but it is it was it was pretty enjoyed that if it wasn't if you want yeah yeah yeah I'm I'm a I'm a star wars fan but if I was a hardcore Star Wars fan I would have jizzed all over the place Joey Diaz told me he couldn't find any tickets other than three hundred dollar yeah I don't think it was three hundred dollars I know because three bills most of the tickets were fourteen Is he a big Star Wars fan?

[1425] I don't know.

[1426] I just think he was probably looking for something to do that day.

[1427] He was probably cookied up to the gills.

[1428] I think he was looking at something else.

[1429] He used those goddamn cookies all day, man. He's not fucking around these days.

[1430] Every time I see him, he's chewing on one of those pot cookies.

[1431] Yeah.

[1432] He must have an insane tolerance.

[1433] You can never trust him.

[1434] Don't ever trust him with a dosage.

[1435] Never.

[1436] No, no, no, no, no. I did a live podcast where he gave me some and I fucking, it was halfway through it.

[1437] I had to excuse myself because I was, I became.

[1438] came a mess.

[1439] I couldn't do anything.

[1440] Was it the banana bread?

[1441] Yeah, it was the last junk.

[1442] How magical, you ever, uh, you ever fuck up with banana bread?

[1443] No, I haven't had any of banana bread.

[1444] Is that the stuff?

[1445] It's really packed in there?

[1446] It's what everyone's scared of.

[1447] Yeah.

[1448] Everyone's scared of the banana bread.

[1449] Yeah, I got it.

[1450] But definitely do the job edibles.

[1451] Do you ever have edibles?

[1452] Oh, yeah.

[1453] When I go to the Niner game, sometimes they have uh, uh, tailgating, they have a bunch of the stuff out because one of the guys that goes to the tailgate owns one of the bakeries up in northern California.

[1454] Man, how do those guys not worry constantly about it getting ripped off?

[1455] It got, they all busted in, too, they think it was employees, busted in a place.

[1456] He's got Doberman Pinterest in there now, but they busted in, took everything, and he had to be an inside job, and then he went in cameras of the whole place and put in extra security end dogs.

[1457] So it was one of his employees, he thinks?

[1458] One of his employees came in and took everything, yeah.

[1459] Does he know which one?

[1460] No, they, I mean, they had cameras, but he knew exactly how to take them all out.

[1461] So the persons might still be working there?

[1462] I mean, they had a couple of disgruntled.

[1463] disgruntled people, and he bought it from another guy.

[1464] There's something about things that are illegal, man, that just you can't have a smooth operation.

[1465] It's like, even though marijuana is helpful and beautiful and should be legal and is legal according to state law, even though, you know, there are medical patients that are legally growing under state law, the federal government can still come in and raid you at any time.

[1466] And because of that, the only the people that are willing to get into that, like a lot of them a good percentage of them they're a little wild you know it's it's tricky yep you know you know i mean there's a lot of money to be made there is this your new i got a card now 35 bucks for for a doctor they have a card now is that the new thing yeah so they give you weed cards i don't and i purposely squinted my eye and made myself look as stoned as possible in case you get pulled over it's not a driver's license stupid but but the doctor or the doctor it gets you out of a ticket though also oh yeah the doctor quote unquote was very cool but this time they actually tested my blood pressure where they put the thing in there and then they checked my heart and stuff like that which it was a little bit more intense than normal but the funny thing is you didn't write any numbers down dude you shouldn't honestly you shouldn't say that it was more intense than normal because you're kind of giving up the whole thing so federally is listening in because there's certain shit they're supposed to do like check your heart rate and your blood pressure I mean it's literally it's supposed to be according to state law a legit medical visit do those all look the same is it like a driver's license yeah except different pictures Listen to this motherfucker But what's great is It's great They let you do it Like if you come with a person Like me and my girlfriend gave me We did it together And then we're like Asked her What do you need it for?

[1467] And she goes Ah PMS And she's like okay Yeah I mean there's You know in other states Though it's tight Like in Jersey They're trying to make it real tight They really Arizona They want it to be really tight They wanted to be like AIDS You know wasting disease Stuff like that Crams Severe arthritis Yeah But that's the beauty of it I mean What I said is And it's completely true.

[1468] I like using marijuana instead of using pills.

[1469] I don't want to take Tylenol if I have a headache.

[1470] I don't want to take this if I have this.

[1471] I could just take a plant, you know?

[1472] Yeah.

[1473] People die from Tylenol, people don't die from weed.

[1474] Yeah, I mean, look, there's no, there's no logical argument against weed in 2011.

[1475] It's so silly.

[1476] The, the strongest one than any one can come up with is the gateway one, you know, which is just, that's just a silly thing.

[1477] They're not related, you know.

[1478] I think the gateway is much more dangerous if you're not honest about pot because if you were honest about pot if the government and the law enforcement and teachers and everyone was honest and said listen if you're going to do a drug do a drug that's not going to hurt you or kill you there's a few that are not going to hurt you the natural ones marijuana it's not going to kill you okay and you know if you want to try something try that but you have to be very careful of very addictive drugs opiates you got to be very careful of synthetic ones like methamphetamine stuff they're very very addictive so just yeah so just be honest about it, man. Be honest with kids.

[1479] Stop fucking playing this game that everything is all in the same group.

[1480] Because when you say that, and then kids smoke pot and have a fucking fantastic time and enjoy the shit out of some food and laugh their ass off at a movie and hug and say, man, I love you.

[1481] It's so much fun hanging with you.

[1482] I'll see you tomorrow at school, dude.

[1483] They had the best fucking time.

[1484] Why?

[1485] Because they were high.

[1486] Okay.

[1487] You know, and they're 19, 20 years old.

[1488] Who the fuck?

[1489] Leave them alone.

[1490] Leave them alone.

[1491] Leave them on.

[1492] It should be legal.

[1493] It should be legal.

[1494] You can't get some high school kid who's experienced something like that or a college kid who's experienced something like that and then tell him that it's wrong.

[1495] You can't tell them that it's bad because you run the risk of everything that you are saying that it's valid is going to be discounted because he's going to know your full of shit about this whole weed thing.

[1496] Well, this guy's got this crazy stupid radical opinion about weed.

[1497] It's not based in facts or studies or or any results that I've ever seen in my fucking life.

[1498] So why should I listen to him when it comes to heroin?

[1499] Why should I listen to him when it comes to meth?

[1500] That's the real gateway.

[1501] The gateway is not marijuana.

[1502] It's bullshit.

[1503] The gateway is keeping people from reality.

[1504] If you just told kids what the fuck pot does to you, you know, all this nonsense about withdrawal symptoms and all this fucking silliness that you hear from people who've never smoked at a day in their life.

[1505] If some patient tells you he's going through withdrawals from wheat, he's a fucking pussy.

[1506] You weak bitch.

[1507] You can't even and fucking recover from weed, you know?

[1508] Just get up, you lazy fuck and take an aerobics class, all right?

[1509] Go to yoga.

[1510] Do something.

[1511] Go fishing, you fuckhead.

[1512] Do something.

[1513] You're not addicted to pot, stupid.

[1514] Maybe you are.

[1515] I don't really know.

[1516] I'm not really a doctor.

[1517] I'm stuck in shit.

[1518] Maybe you're the one.

[1519] You're the only one.

[1520] The one guy with massive withdrawals.

[1521] And it's fucking Joe Rogan.

[1522] I thought you were funny.

[1523] I'm here shaking because I haven't had weed in 20 minutes.

[1524] There is some weird things with some people though like people who are in Alcoholics Anonymous where they feel like they have to quit weed also you know it's like what why don't you quit Red Bull to why are you lumping no I think there's people that are compulsive about taking and it's not necessarily maybe it's and there's got to be marijuana I have a friend who was sober for 20 years and when we were kids when we we both started out doing stand -up around the same time as well and he was he was drinking and he realized that he couldn't drink anymore so he quit drinking and then 20 years later he started smoking pot and he's so happy so happy about it like yeah it's fucking great i don't i don't feel like i need it it's not like i feel like i feel like i fuck up my life with it but i'm like that's a crazy risk to take that a lot of people like uh you know we have some friends that are that are friends of bills you know that are in the alcoholics anonymous program and they no he's like you can't take marijuana he can't do anything no tate says the same thing he doesn't want to smoke pot he said he would love to but he thinks if he did he would just start doing everything else he used to do and just go fucking crazy and teb i i think you know i've known him for a long time he's one of the first people i met when i was down and i came down to l .a and i think that just seeing him with you know his act i think is better it's amazing i just and the fact that he's not a regular at the comedy store is insane oh that's ridiculous well we get him up at salz every time we can but yeah he's he's a smart guy yeah teb is a smart funny guy and he's been around a long time it's nice to see him get his shit together yeah there's certain people that, look, it's all, look, marijuana to me is not fun if I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

[1525] If I have a lot of issues in my life, if there's some unresolved things in my life, and I smoke pot, I don't enjoy it because all I get is this bad feeling of, you know, that I'm not trying.

[1526] That I'm not doing what I should be doing.

[1527] I'm not on a positive frequency that I'm not avoiding drama and creating as much as I can and always moving in the positive direction.

[1528] Like if I have a, if I don't follow, all the right paths in my life and go with my good instincts and then I get high, I feel terrible.

[1529] I just feel awful.

[1530] And I think a lot of people, what they do is they medicate themselves and they revel in that feeling awful.

[1531] They revel in that just extreme, extreme procrastination where they never get anything done.

[1532] They just jerk off and especially comics.

[1533] You know, they don't clean their house ever.

[1534] They don't do shit They sit in front of the computer And play with themselves And watch movies For people that There's a lot of people out there Listening to probably this That just smoke pot And do just waste away And just say Those are my people But yeah I'm just saying If you really do accomplish something Like you go to the gym And you get a bunch of other shit done And you feel really accomplished For your day And then you smoke pot Is the feeling there Is you feel like Even the feeling of accomplishing Something and really having a great day where you get a bunch of shit done, unmatched.

[1535] Yeah, the feeling you've earned it.

[1536] Yep.

[1537] You know, it's a very important thing, man. You have to have discipline.

[1538] There's a yin and a yang to human beings.

[1539] If you're completely totally impulsive, you're not going to be as happy as if you have impulses mixed in with taking care of your responsibilities.

[1540] That's why I was thrilled with that book and I found out you liked as well and you were handing out to people.

[1541] The War of Art?

[1542] Yep.

[1543] Yeah.

[1544] It says the thing's the best.

[1545] It's just getting shit done.

[1546] Yeah, getting shit done, doing the work, and, you know...

[1547] Then do whatever you want.

[1548] Yeah, and then enjoying things, you know, and then realizing that there's something that's keeping you from working and it's called resistance and it's all your ego and it's all, you know, it's all the procrastination that every artist's faces.

[1549] I was talking to a guy recently that just...

[1550] He wrote a book on pool cues.

[1551] I hung out with them this weekend.

[1552] He's one of Max Humberley's buddy.

[1553] He wrote the big blue book of pool cues.

[1554] It's like really like labor intensive.

[1555] It's like marking all these different, like, pool cues are like collected as a form of art. you know and there's guys that are some guys who are considered like masters in these pool cues and this guy took photos and created this book of all these pool cues yeah and he's like the hardest part about it was sitting down and doing the work it's the hardest part about it and it's the hardest part for everybody yeah forcing yourself to get in there and write it's like I keep making these um I just had an office built you know in my garage is a detached garage where I can sit down really and I knew in the back of my mind okay if I was procrastinating by saying okay if I don't build that space then I have a space to write you know I was just putting shit off and I would force myself to go to a coffee bean up and I was getting distracted up there and I think I'm that asshole on a laptop and a fucking coffee bean and that I wouldn't write especially with headphones on right I'm an idiot did you imagine if you had these headphones on your laptop I saw somebody bring their full on desktop to Star Wars I've used those big noise canceling headphones and before and just sat there because I would always go to what's it called La Cagnada or away from my house because I knew no was there.

[1556] I wasn't going to see anybody I ever knew.

[1557] I was just, I was that asshole on the laptop and I was fine with it because I was never going to be self -conscious about anybody running into me because I know no one over there.

[1558] But it was still a waste of time for me to go up there and I would put it off and put it off.

[1559] Now I've built this office and I'm getting in there and writing.

[1560] I feel fantastic about myself because I'm really doing, if I can write four to six hours a day, that's a fantastic fucking day for writing.

[1561] Yeah.

[1562] Yeah.

[1563] I don't do well after four hours.

[1564] I write in these big, crazy, energetic bursts.

[1565] And then as it gets towards the end of the burst, I always kind of know when the ride is over.

[1566] And it's usually around four hours.

[1567] I've had some, like, longer, more disciplined days where I'll sit down for six or eight.

[1568] But I feel like I write my best shit in these four -hour runs.

[1569] And then I always write my best shit when I write, like, I'll write one draft of it.

[1570] And then I'll come back and I won't do anything but read the second draft for like an hour.

[1571] Just go back over it.

[1572] Yeah, and wait for the weed to kick in.

[1573] The rewriting.

[1574] Choo -choo.

[1575] And then do you find yourself when you're in your best form when you're writing where you don't even know where the fuck the words are coming from?

[1576] Yeah.

[1577] You're just flying out of the air.

[1578] That's what it says.

[1579] It's like all that muse stuff.

[1580] It's like the muses come in.

[1581] And all of a sudden you just sort of put pen to paper and make sure you're going to write and make the French press thing for coffee and go out there and just start attacking it and put the pen in your hand and stuff will come.

[1582] And it's just amazing.

[1583] Yeah.

[1584] And a lot of people think that, you know, this is a topic of discussion on my message board that is sort of like some spiritual airy, fairy bullshit thinking, the idea of the muse, and it's really just your imagination.

[1585] Your imagination is just a product of synapses firing in your brain and your memories and all the knowledge and information that you've acquired all throughout your life and the calculations you're making with that information due to your own personal circumstance and boom, you create something.

[1586] And it's the same as you're sitting down and writing it, all you're doing is sort of recounting everything that you've learned and making some rational calculations.

[1587] organization of it.

[1588] And boom, you're calling that the muse.

[1589] You're calling that creativity.

[1590] But I think what it represents to me, at least, is there's a mind of no mind.

[1591] There's a Zen thing that you're always trying to find in martial arts.

[1592] And that is moving without even thinking about what you're doing.

[1593] You train yourself to the point where the movements become so second nature.

[1594] It's like tying your shoe.

[1595] You know, when you tie your shoe, you don't think, okay, I'm going to loop this under there and do this.

[1596] and then you just shh, shh, boom, bang.

[1597] And you remember when you were a little kid, and I'm noticing it now, because my three -year -old, and you're sure you have kids, my three -year -old is just learning how to tie her shoes.

[1598] And it's crazy to try to teach her.

[1599] Like, to her, it's like this massive puzzle to be able to tie your shoes and put this through that, and then what happens?

[1600] Yeah.

[1601] And then you make a loop and how do you hold on to the loop while you wrap it around?

[1602] You know, but to you right now, and with martial, with martial arts, it has to be that way as well.

[1603] You know, you have to, to be able to utilize techniques in a manner where you're, there's no way you could think about it.

[1604] You're moving so fast.

[1605] You practice so much that it's just instinct.

[1606] It's basketball, it's football.

[1607] You slip that punch, and before you even know it, the right hand has landed.

[1608] You didn't even know you through it.

[1609] It's all just zen.

[1610] Well, I think with writing, there's a Zen to writing.

[1611] And that's what we're tapping into.

[1612] I mean, you can call it the muse, and it may very well be that there's some sort of antenna, and we're tuning into it all.

[1613] Or it may very well be that there's a state of mind.

[1614] where you don't feel responsible for things, and that state of mind is when you're at your most creative.

[1615] Well, that zone of the practice professional.

[1616] Yeah.

[1617] Like, that's what it is.

[1618] It's like, you're so good at this, that you're just instinctually going to it.

[1619] Acting?

[1620] I mean, as a lot like that, when you're really doing a good job as an actor and you're so in the character or anything.

[1621] And then as stand -ups, I don't know, you've done a fair amount of acting.

[1622] Well, even, you know, with Fear Factor, there was, that was a job where I really sort of fell into, a sort of a practice method for dealing with everything because I was constantly dealing with people involved in competition, constantly dealing with all these different little social things that were going on on the set, you know, constantly dealing with monitoring their little stunt and making sure they're doing it correctly and not running out of time.

[1623] And, you know, doing that became a real like, like I would go and punch in.

[1624] You know what I'm saying?

[1625] Like I knew this is a, this is something, you know, this is, it's not as simple just standing around talking.

[1626] It was like a, it was, you know, it was like a management position.

[1627] Like I had to go to, go manage this thing.

[1628] Yeah, there we go and punch in.

[1629] No, there's a real art to that shit, man. To everything.

[1630] Yeah.

[1631] To everything.

[1632] To baking.

[1633] That guy.

[1634] There's some fucking bakery at the, one of the coffee places, it's not a Starbucks.

[1635] One of the alternative ones in LAX, they got this chocolate croissant that is so fucking badass.

[1636] Obam Pan.

[1637] Is that what it is?

[1638] Is it Obam Pan?

[1639] Are you sure?

[1640] I think so.

[1641] I don't know if it is.

[1642] I don't think it is.

[1643] I think it's one of those generic ones.

[1644] It's a name that I've never heard the name before.

[1645] It's not Obam Pan.

[1646] It's a different one.

[1647] It's like some other one.

[1648] But it's in L .A. Anyway, the fucking chocolate croissant.

[1649] Whoever makes this chocolate croissant is an artist.

[1650] They're a Zen master.

[1651] They got just the right amount of butter.

[1652] The chocolate is just the right amount of chewy and the right amount of mushy.

[1653] And it's the pastry is so delicious and moist.

[1654] Dude, I mean, it's a rockin' chocolate croissant.

[1655] And the difference to you that is the pastry.

[1656] and some crappy ass chocolate croissant that's just been sitting around on the shelf of Dunkin' Donuts, yeah.

[1657] It's like everything else, man. There's a way to do everything with that sort of a Zen finding the right frequency motion.

[1658] Really caring about it and doing it right and spending the time on it and practicing it and then it comes back instinctually.

[1659] I don't know if I ever told you a story, but we put my son who's now eight years old, put him in Jiu -Jitsu when he was four and a half and they were calling him the natural.

[1660] Oh, wow.

[1661] Because they put him out there and they said, at four and a half, let's just see what he does.

[1662] And they put him up against this five -year -old.

[1663] And then immediately my son got on his back right away.

[1664] And they like, the Brazilian guys are around the place.

[1665] He goes, he took the buck.

[1666] He's the natural.

[1667] He's the natural.

[1668] We didn't tell him anything.

[1669] That's hilarious.

[1670] And then, of course, then my son had his, he did it for a while and he liked it a lot because there was always a kid that he matched up with.

[1671] But then some highway patrolman's kid.

[1672] who was older like the kid that was my son's age dropped out so then my son always had a match up with this kid that was a year and a half older then and just was super intense and beat the shit out of him and he got lost interest he didn't want to go practice yeah for the little kid too the other little kid would you're supposed to teach kids like that that it's better to relax when you're better than someone instead of just running through them work on stuff that you're not that good at let the guy mount you let the guy take you back like it's it's hard to um There's two different philosophies when it comes to Jiu -Jitsu.

[1673] One of them is the sink or swim philosophy that a lot of guys use.

[1674] And, you know, we've used it.

[1675] I've used it.

[1676] It's that, you know what, man, if you can't handle getting tapped, you know, you don't belong here in the first place.

[1677] So I'm just going to use you as a grappling dummy.

[1678] And so, you know, the idea is to take some guy who's just starting out, or there's a blue belt and just tap them left and right.

[1679] But I think the way better way to do it, for me, at least, the way it's always helped me is whenever I roll with someone and I think that I'm way stronger than them or I'm way better than them, I put myself in a little bit of a deficit.

[1680] And I'll let them get on top of me. I'll try to work for my guard.

[1681] I'll try to let them take my back.

[1682] You know, I'll try to, you know, when I'm doing it smart.

[1683] Because that's how, that's how you learn.

[1684] And that kid, someone should pull that kid aside and say, listen.

[1685] Oh, they try to, yeah.

[1686] Did they try to?

[1687] Really?

[1688] You wouldn't listen?

[1689] They wouldn't listen.

[1690] What a cart.

[1691] Well, he's a little kid, man. No, he's a little kid.

[1692] I might not listen when I was 80.

[1693] No, we had another little kid.

[1694] He got it and would let Lorenzo practice on them all day.

[1695] Oh, that's cool.

[1696] Yeah, it was great.

[1697] Well, you know, drilling is really important.

[1698] for kids too.

[1699] And that's something that doesn't get done a lot in jujitsu, but gets done a lot in wrestling.

[1700] You know, in wrestling, you go, you know, you'll have a big percentage of your practice before you ever get to live sparring.

[1701] A big percentage of your practice is going through different moves, you know, going through different arm drags, going through different takedowns.

[1702] And, you know, you drill in wrestling way more than a lot of people drill in Brazilian jiu -jitsu.

[1703] Because wrestling in America, you know, has been more of an organized sport than jiu -jitsu has.

[1704] You know, in jihitsu classes, like a lot of them, they'll show you a couple techniques, and then everybody will role for the remainder of the class.

[1705] So a lot of little kids, I think that's one thing that's missing.

[1706] But the thing is, it's that the rolling part is so much fun.

[1707] You don't want to waste all that time doing the boring stuff of learning the moves.

[1708] Like you learn a couple moves, and everybody's like, come on, let's just spar, let's just spar.

[1709] You know, because it's fun.

[1710] It's like it's a natural chimpanzee fun.

[1711] You know?

[1712] For kids too, for a young boy especially, it's like one of the best things to know.

[1713] Oh, we love to do, I mean, that's his big thing.

[1714] When I come home from a road trip, or when I gone out and he can't get enough of uh he is his first request what do you want to do and he goes let's wrestle really yeah yeah yeah so you got to get him back in yeah maybe i think instinctually also he remembers some of the stuff he was in it for a pretty significant amount of time yeah and then he did well before we leave man i'll talk to you i'll find some place for him eddie should have like a like a fourth planet oh for little kids yeah it's not a bad idea yeah it's hard man teaching children's classes is difficult.

[1715] I used to watch John Jock Machado teach.

[1716] He used to have it.

[1717] I think he brought it back recently, but he had a children's class for a long time before he discontinued it.

[1718] And it's just hard, man. It's hard to get them to pay attention.

[1719] It's half of it is babysitting, you know, especially when they're like five and six.

[1720] They're nutty.

[1721] They're running around, screaming and kicking things.

[1722] And then it distracts the other kids.

[1723] And you're trying to get everybody's attention to teach them to move.

[1724] Yeah.

[1725] And kids get sad when they lose.

[1726] When they get tapped out, they cry.

[1727] And, you know, it's like, oh, yeah.

[1728] You know, I've, you know, I've seen kids get really upset when they got tapped out in training you know and then other kids were laughing and giggling about it and those kids like did better but it's such a good thing to learn as a young boy to deal with you know other kids fucking with them too yeah to have some confidence it's gonna be my security when the end of the world comes yeah you teach him out of shoot guns yet yeah no no gun in the house no gun in the house yeah are you gonna teach your don't out or shoot a gun right away I think it's a good I didn't know how I should a gun yeah this is what I think I don't think everybody should have access to a gun, but I think you should never be in a situation where a gun may save your life, but you don't know how to fucking use it.

[1729] You look at it and you're like, how does it work?

[1730] And then you're dead.

[1731] If you leave a gun around with me, I know how to use it.

[1732] You know, I'm no marksman, but I know what the fuck is going on.

[1733] Sure.

[1734] And I think you should know what the fuck is going on too.

[1735] I think you should know when the safety's on.

[1736] I think you should know when there's one in the chamber.

[1737] I think you should know how to fucking shoot something.

[1738] You should know how to do it.

[1739] I think it's better to have it and not to need it.

[1740] You know, look, I would hope that the singularity comes first and that what happens is we all realize that we're all this one crazy consciousness that's somehow or another connected through this new science and this new technology and that, you know, we should treat each other better because we actually do suffer when others suffer and we do gain when others gain and that we all together collectively can work together for a much more perfect version of the future and for reality and for life and for human beings.

[1741] That's very, very possible that that's what's going to happen to us.

[1742] or the shit could hit the fan.

[1743] Either one could happen.

[1744] The thing is, my first scenario, the beautiful one, has never taken place before.

[1745] As far as we know, we've always known that there's some potential untapped for human behavior.

[1746] And we've looked at it as Valhalla, we looked at it as heaven, we've looked at it as, you know, the idea that at one point in time, you know, the great ones had it right, you know, that maybe there's some place in another dimension where everybody has it right.

[1747] You know, we know that there's something that could be done better than what we're doing.

[1748] We know that there are times when we interact with each other where it's just absolutely beautiful and perfect and human beings.

[1749] If we were all like friends when we're having our best moment together, the life would just be one awesome fucking collaboration.

[1750] Sure.

[1751] And then there's the other times when you probably should know how to bust a cap.

[1752] Yes.

[1753] You've got to know how to fuck somebody up.

[1754] But you also have to realize that there's a lot of nature involved in this whole thing and that there seems to be some sort of a race.

[1755] And the race is between people getting stupid.

[1756] and society and civilization getting more and more ridiculous and more and more out of control and hyper technology at the same time.

[1757] People getting smarter.

[1758] Yeah, people are getting much smarter, but there's also way more dumb people too.

[1759] Or we just know about it.

[1760] Well, dude, how about the Detroit statistic is the one that kills me?

[1761] In Detroit right now, 47 % of the population is functionally illiterate.

[1762] 47 % of the population in a major city in the United States of America, That's fucking terrifying.

[1763] Because those people are only as smart as the people they know.

[1764] How about that?

[1765] How about they get all their information from the people around them?

[1766] So they've lost everything that everyone else has learned.

[1767] They've lost everything that's helped everyone who can read books.

[1768] They don't have any connection with that.

[1769] They have to get all their information from I heards.

[1770] They have to someone say, I heard this.

[1771] I heard they're going to do that.

[1772] I heard they're going to do this.

[1773] 47 % need that.

[1774] 47%.

[1775] Could you imagine if you could go back in time to a time when there was no internet and no one knew and you would try to communicate with people and tell them how ridiculous this is that, you know, one day we're going to have things written down in books and you're going to be able to access knowledge and then you're going to be able to go online and ask questions.

[1776] Look at you like you're out of your fucking mind.

[1777] Like, what are you even saying?

[1778] Well, there's people living like that in 2011.

[1779] That's amazing.

[1780] That's a funny sketch.

[1781] 47 % dude.

[1782] when is that going to end how do you stop that how do you even fix that Thursday how what what does it feel like to be a teacher in Detroit no it's just a teacher in general I mean you're just overwhelmed my wife you know my wife is a teacher and there's kids that have such horrible home situations she was in an under that you can't like a parent teacher night when my wife was teaching first grade I would go and help out and go to a classroom and then it's another thing when we first met my wife was teaching at homeless kids school so that shit who doesn't turn up every day they have no consistency as americans we go to school in the middle of the boat i mean every other so many other nations are going to have more school days than we are so we're disadvantaged anyway so then you take a kid and you put him in a motel or wherever he's living and you take some horrible home life and like a detroit situation where parents are doing drugs you know or whatever is happening And then you try to send somebody to school, you're just fucked.

[1783] You have no ability, and these kids aren't getting meals straight every day.

[1784] And they're taking away chocolate and strawberry milk in schools, too.

[1785] Why is that?

[1786] I don't know.

[1787] They just said and announce that the other day.

[1788] That's the least of your worst.

[1789] When politicians come on and they do, there are cutbacks and saying that we're going to cut school lunches and stuff like that.

[1790] So many kids relying on that lunch for their main meal every single day.

[1791] And then, like I was saying, when we had parent -teacher conference, like in a rich school, everybody shows up everyone's super involved these we had nobody show up we have five parents out of the 25 kids that she had five parents shut up it's ridiculous you can't win so now we're all screwed because now we're going to have generations and generations of kids that have just horrible education as a parent doesn't that really hurt your feelings with that when you see kids that are abandoned like that oh my god it makes me cry there was a there is a documentary on the motel kids of orange county you look that up motel kids Orange County I don't want to watch it no you don't want to watch it but I stumbled across it and I saw his little kid in a dumpster trying to get toys out of it and just and then he just sat in the dumpster at one point and started playing with these toys having a son or you can't help but empathize with that little kid or what his situation is and it's like if you're not human that's so horrible man it makes me so sad it makes me so sad there's nothing to me like watching a kid who's fucked who's got no dad, who's got no mom, who's got no one who's worth anything in their life or some kid whose parents are yelling at them.

[1792] I've seen that a lot too.

[1793] I try to do as much to can.

[1794] I started volunteering through the L .A. education partnership just recently, and I just went out to speak to a high school class at Sun Valley High School.

[1795] It's all Latino kids living in this.

[1796] It's not the best neighborhood up there.

[1797] And just tell them, because my mom used to clean houses for $6 an hour and then bought this company, and it's not like I'm doing any motivational speaking or anything like that.

[1798] I'm just saying, hey, my mom cleaned house for $6 an hour.

[1799] I have my own job now, and I get to, I'm here during the day wearing shorts.

[1800] Right.

[1801] Because I work hard.

[1802] There's a way to get out.

[1803] It's way out of here.

[1804] Yeah.

[1805] And if you work really hard and stuff like that.

[1806] So, I mean, people can do that and businessmen and people that are successful should go, you know, show these kids, especially if you came out of a rough situation, say, hey, just so you know, came from the exact same spot you're in.

[1807] And on some point, I was like, I used to be like, kid with the hoodie up in the back not paying attention how you doing i used to be you and say like that now is you ever feel angry that when you were a kid that no one ever gave you the option of stand -up comedian does it ever annoy you when you look back and i think about that all the time that's why i was sort of a quiet class clown and i think about that all the time because that's why i went out to these kids and it was like hey you guys there's a lot of the jobs like i write jokes you get paid a lot from and you know i just got this other gig that's my dream gig and that's my dream gig and it's all because it but hard work is through everything so um we had career day at our school i remember we had bob sarlott who's a comedian he played his letterman's and he was one of letterman's buddies and he went to my high school so he played those but i still didn't put two and two together that there was comedy writing you can pay a fortune being a comedy writer really you mean for sitcoms and sitcoms stuff like that and being a showrunner and something like that no one in terms of the writing jobs that sort of exist and the ability to be creative and a joke like my buddy Joe Bartnick writes roast jokes for people and something like that and he writes dirty jokes you know Joe don't you know Joe Bartnick yeah and he makes a good amount of money it's very hard to do that though that's that's difficult but there are even being a showrunner I mean god damn that's hard to do jobs or you could be funny I don't think any Mexican kids know that showrunner exists is a possibility yeah because there are very few nobody's dad was that that's one of the cool things obviously about Hollywood though is that you can get a a position as like a PA on a set and see like the whole thing like how it all works and you know and guys do yeah people intern and they get PA positions and then they slowly move up the ladder you know that was one of the cool things about Fear Factor seeing guys that were basically in the beginning they were like PAs low level producers and they're executive producers yeah yeah yeah there's a ladder of you know success that you can climb out here you know it's not necessarily even dependent on degrees same thing with everything is what we were talking about is the guy works their ass off, though.

[1808] Yes.

[1809] Yeah, yeah, and it's in the fucking zone, too.

[1810] With everything, man. It all can be traced back to that.

[1811] Yes, the effort.

[1812] Effort, intensity, and focus.

[1813] It's like, that's the main things about life.

[1814] Get your fucking mind right.

[1815] Put your effort, your intensity, and your focus into some sort of a positive direction.

[1816] Yeah.

[1817] But, God damn, that's hard to manage.

[1818] That's like, you know, we are all born with a super complicated fucking computer and not a manual to be seen anywhere.

[1819] And so the only way we knew how to use is super fucking complicated computers, talk to these other people that are using the computer and function on the very minimal built -in software that it has to be afraid of dogs and shit like that.

[1820] Look out for snakes.

[1821] You know what I mean?

[1822] I mean, the knowledge that's built in is like so minimal.

[1823] It's like the bare bones.

[1824] But it is very helpful to have that guy who's five years ahead of you, ten years ahead of you as a mentor.

[1825] Like not enough people are doing that anymore where they're really...

[1826] Even that.

[1827] He might be five years ahead of you and a fucking idiot and leading you down the same stupid road that he went down.

[1828] Sure.

[1829] Bad mentor.

[1830] Yeah, that's another thing.

[1831] But I'm saying...

[1832] So many of us.

[1833] That's the real problem.

[1834] It's so likely...

[1835] Yeah, you're going to trust the right person, I guess with the advice and who to look up to and shit like that is very important.

[1836] Well, I think that's the number one problem that a lot of people have in life.

[1837] And I have had it at one point in time in my life is that you get stuck in some sort of situation where you don't relate to anybody in your world.

[1838] You don't relate to anybody at your job.

[1839] You don't relate to anybody that you're friends with still from high school.

[1840] You just feel real disconnected from them and you don't know anybody that thinks the way you do.

[1841] It's fucking before the internet, man. Some guys would live quiet lives of despair and desperation.

[1842] Isn't that a fucking quote that someone said about most men?

[1843] I forget there's an author that said most men live quiet lives of desperation.

[1844] And that is so fucking true.

[1845] Well, I think that's why I was so relieved when I met all my fellow comics.

[1846] Yes.

[1847] Because I'm like, hey, these are my guys.

[1848] If I'm ever out somewhere, having dinner, and I run it to you, I'm so happy.

[1849] That happened in Vegas.

[1850] Yeah.

[1851] I walked up, and I saw you and Eddie.

[1852] Yeah, yeah.

[1853] It's like, you know, it's like you're, you know, you run into like, it's like people that are, no one else is like that, you know, it's like, it's running into a comic for, to another comic is like, here's someone who's the only people I know that are going to get me 100%.

[1854] You know, the only people that I know that I'm, like, that I'm 100 % honest with and that is 100 % honest with me. I can trust comics.

[1855] In a Vegas day and my friend, Mickey Joseph started doing this.

[1856] this thing where they were meeting all comics were meeting over at the hooters casino Friday nights late so if you were working Vegas oh wow and all the comedians from all the shows all over Vegas the word got out and you would go meet at hooters and they had you know but light deal and some wings up there what time was the show what time would they do that they do it late night so it'll be 1130 are they still doing it yeah I think they do it every Friday every Friday and comedy and comedy fans you didn't go and whoever wants to go like people then they have a deal on Budlights Well I'm doing Vegas doing the Mandalay Bay Theater with Joey Diaz Ari Shafir and I think Doug Benson's going to stop in two and do a set and that's June what is it 18th or something I thought it was July 1st July 1st July 1st what's June 18th I don't even know where the fuck I'm going every week Vancouver How much do you know you're no I should because of the I might be going in Montreal, and then I might be going on tour with Tosh.

[1857] I'm going to figure out that.

[1858] Oh, nice.

[1859] And then for a little bit, I think he's going to split it up.

[1860] And then I start work on that show.

[1861] I start work on an NBC show picked up.

[1862] Oh, really?

[1863] Yeah.

[1864] What's that all about?

[1865] Free agents with Hank Azaria.

[1866] Oh, wow.

[1867] So me and Natasha Legerro, because I love her, and it's just like being able to see her at work every day.

[1868] It's me, her, Hank Azaria, his comedian, Mo Mandel.

[1869] And what never was this for?

[1870] NBC, 830 Wednesdays.

[1871] Wow, dude, that's sweet.

[1872] Maybe we'll be seeing each other at the functions.

[1873] Yeah, like I said, I don't know what's happening with the Fear Factor thing.

[1874] I don't know if I'm going to wind up doing it.

[1875] July 1st is the date that we're at Vegas.

[1876] So maybe we'll have to go to this Hooters thing.

[1877] It depends on who's in town.

[1878] Well, and also, yeah, you can see cool people.

[1879] It's not all comedians are happy running into on the road.

[1880] You don't have, they'd be thrilled if you went by, and you just stop by for a second and say hello some people and go.

[1881] But anyway, it's nice to see fellow comics.

[1882] Two soldiers passing in the battlefield.

[1883] field.

[1884] Yep, that's what it is.

[1885] Two familiars.

[1886] Head on.

[1887] Yeah.

[1888] It's like there's very few people who understand what a weird life it is, you know, what a weird dance we would go through, you know.

[1889] And we go through it together.

[1890] You know, that's one of the more fascinating things about comedy is that you get to watch a guy in the beginning and then watch them develop and grow over the years, you know?

[1891] And I saw you for the first time.

[1892] And San Francisco was, God, was it like 2000?

[1893] I think so.

[1894] Yeah.

[1895] I know exactly what it was, is your very first year of Fear Factor when you were in the first season.

[1896] Was it really?

[1897] 2001, I think.

[1898] I don't remember.

[1899] And then we worked a bunch.

[1900] Yeah, and then you brought it.

[1901] Eddie up the next time.

[1902] Yeah.

[1903] And that was the old Cobbs.

[1904] Yep.

[1905] That was Cobbs by the water.

[1906] And it was this tiny ass, it was 150 seats or something like that.

[1907] It was amazing.

[1908] Great little space.

[1909] It was amazing.

[1910] It was so fun.

[1911] It's like clubs where it's almost underground a little bit, where it's like D .C. Improv is like that.

[1912] Yeah.

[1913] Where it's underground.

[1914] It's just how it should be.

[1915] Comedy Works in Denver is like that.

[1916] Where you go under and it's a nice little space.

[1917] Yeah.

[1918] That place is gorgeous.

[1919] perfect but um even that is bigger than this san francisco oh it was tiny yeah 200 people tops and then anyway was it was it even that many man yeah that's he pack them in there really you got 200 people in that room 200 people tops and then he um match me up with you a bunch of times but you're right like i'm such a different comic than i was then well you were funny back then oh thanks i was still you know you have a lot of stuff to figure out yeah well and still do dude i still do i learn a lot i'm still slapping it all together and pulling it apart and looking at it sideways you're never done you never done with comedy man i went and opened up with completely new i thought it's like i'm gonna put some stuff away just this last week i go and i just i'm gonna do 100 % new from the very beginning right brutal you know i probably should start with one that i know works and works i feel like and then let them build confidence and then i'll launch it into the new and it'll probably go better and sure enough yeah always a better idea to start with one that's you know is good well especially when the the audience doesn't know what to expect.

[1920] You know, they might not have ever seen you before.

[1921] No, no one has.

[1922] And that's the other thing about the daily show and this TV show is like, oh, now people are going to actually be coming out for me. Sure.

[1923] And Twitter, too, Al Madrigal, M -A -D, R -I -G -A -L.

[1924] Last time I was on the show.

[1925] Al -Magal.

[1926] Yeah, my Twitter and you did that.

[1927] It's going to blow up.

[1928] Yeah, it really did.

[1929] Even more.

[1930] What's your new show about?

[1931] The new show is Hank Azaria and its actress Catherine Hahn are just recently separated.

[1932] her husband died and he got divorced after 15 years and then they start hooking up in the office so they're free agents and i'm you know guy at work do we have you ever had any problems working with actors um a little bit here i've been in some pretty difficult situations you know what i think is i can sum them all up without i've been pretty bad about naming names on some of these actors but instead of come back and bite me in the ass they all these guys they make so much fucking money because you know how much money these i mean per week an actor that's been on tv for a long time has got a quote that just goes skyrocket so when you start out acting maybe let's see you get be 20 000 a week which seems like just an incredible amount but then that quote as you get more and more into your seasons or you get job after job after job builds and builds and builds so you hear you have these spoiled brats that have had people catering into him constantly i've got joe rogan joe rogan's going to be coming this way okay i've got joe and they're head you know on headsets and there's food everywhere and everything's catered and your makeup is getting done somebody's going are you good joe are you good you know can i get you anything we get some pizzas coming in they treat you like a god constantly so there's people like a charlie seen or like that on the highest level are getting treated incredibly well all the time and then they lose you know take for granted the fact that i was making in one week what my dad was making in a year and a half at one point and if you haven't lived real life prior to going into all of this shit I think you lose that perspective so you end up working with some real fucking assholes who are mean to the makeup lady and say this soup is shit and fucking are going around complaining about it.

[1933] I don't think Charlie Sheen was ever like that.

[1934] I think Troy Sheen was a nice guy to a lot of people.

[1935] As a name of the people that are making an incredible amount of money.

[1936] Oh okay.

[1937] And also you know his quote was what he's been $2 million an episode.

[1938] Yeah.

[1939] And that's more than people making a lifetime.

[1940] Well, he was obviously, he's obviously got some problems.

[1941] Yeah.

[1942] What I'm saying at the highest level of TV work, you make an incredible amount of money.

[1943] And even along the way, most people, you know, they're just, you know, one person in an ensemble cast, they make ridiculous amounts money compared to the average person.

[1944] Lottery shit.

[1945] Like, you're so excited.

[1946] But if you haven't, like, with all the TV stuff, yeah, you end up working with people that lose sight of that.

[1947] Well, psychologically, I think that thing that you were talking about, having everyone kissing your.

[1948] your ass.

[1949] It's just you get confused and you start thinking that somehow or another you deserve that.

[1950] I am great.

[1951] It's strange to watch from the outside as well.

[1952] You know, I just did this Kevin James movie where Kevin James plays an MMA fighter called Here Comes the Boom and on the set with him.

[1953] Kevin's a great guy.

[1954] He's got a, he's very down to earth.

[1955] Like he's not, he doesn't have any, what are you doing?

[1956] Is that your phone?

[1957] It's not mine.

[1958] Somebody's.

[1959] Anyway, he's very down to earth.

[1960] He doesn't have any like problems with wanting to be the man you know he's like super friendly to everybody just there to work get things done but everybody like when he's around man they're like the king is here the king is here you know like they you know like craft service people yeah people around the set this is the guy here he comes here comes hi kevin hi kevin hi kevin hi kevin so my brother i think i was telling you um and people who act weird around you yeah and that's what it is yeah it's and then they start thinking that they deserve that yeah i've i've i've That's one of the things that I loved about doing Fear Factor was that I didn't have to do any work with actors anymore.

[1961] I was like, oh, great.

[1962] Let me do this fucking thing by myself.

[1963] And not that it wasn't an incredibly talented group of people doing news radio, but even that, like, you just...

[1964] All the other personalities that can be difficult in people that, again, do take it for...

[1965] That's the only explanation I have for anybody acting shitty is just taking it for granted.

[1966] They're not forgetting.

[1967] Yeah, they're delusional.

[1968] Or they're crazy, which is a lot of people to get into it in the first.

[1969] place.

[1970] I was reading how many people are bipolar.

[1971] There was some sort of a number online of people that are bipolar.

[1972] So I just started looking up bipolar on Google.

[1973] I did some Google bipolar search.

[1974] I found all these fucking famous people that are bipolar.

[1975] Who?

[1976] Oh, I don't even want to name names.

[1977] Okay.

[1978] But it's just, it's just like, what exactly does that mean?

[1979] You know, and how fucked up are you?

[1980] You know, what's going on out here?

[1981] And I think as far as like Hollywood and like the need to have that kind of incredible amount of attention, to need to be under a spotlight, they need to be, you know, worshipped everywhere you go.

[1982] There's a, there's, what is that, you know?

[1983] It's another hilarious thing that Duncan said last night.

[1984] I don't know what I'm saying?

[1985] He goes, why are we making excuses for everybody who's just an asshole?

[1986] He goes, oh, he has Asperger's, he's bipolar.

[1987] No, that guy's a fucking asshole.

[1988] Like, it was just, now we're trying to create a condition to make it okay for that guy to be asshole.

[1989] You know he's bipolar, right?

[1990] Yeah.

[1991] Well, I think it's a real.

[1992] thing, though.

[1993] No, it probably is.

[1994] It's a funny joke.

[1995] Yeah, it's a very funny joke.

[1996] It's a funny joke, but, you know, like Asperger's an autism and everything.

[1997] That's a funny, I mean, that's real shit.

[1998] It's, um, I have a friend, his son has autism and it's really hard.

[1999] It's incredibly hard.

[2000] Like you see that, like, you know, you know, the stuff that he has to deal with, it's just he talks about it and it's just hard to wrap your head around how much more difficult it is than having a regular kid, you know, or a kid that doesn't have any issues.

[2001] It's, um, I wonder what it is though, man. When you see these kids, and there's a bunch of them online, of different examples of children who have some incredible ability as well as being autistic, like there's a boy, we've talked about him before, who can look out the window of a plane as he's driving over a city, and then he draws the city in scale, perfect.

[2002] Really?

[2003] Yeah, it's amazing.

[2004] And he's got autism.

[2005] And there's all sorts of other kids that, you know, have autism, and they also are amazing at something.

[2006] you know i mean there's there's a bunch so people are trying to figure out what the fuck that is you know i mean i wonder if that is eventually what human beings are going to be like i wonder if the autistic super genius mind that allows that little child to draw that image looking out the window at a city maybe that is a hint of what the future human is going to be capable of is in comparison to us in comparison to the monkeys that were our ancestors you know our ape ancestors that were flipping over cow turds looking for worms to eat, their mind, and compared to the capabilities of our mind, is just like us compared to that autistic kid.

[2007] I mean, it's like, it could be that, you know, what we're seeing is this one weird thing happens in this child's mind and all the other stuff gets fucked up and frazzled because one side is like so much more powerful and one area has like so much more ability than the rest of the mind that it's just not quite ready yet.

[2008] That it's like some, some early versions of this new future incredible superhuman.

[2009] that we're eventually becoming.

[2010] Yeah, it's difficult to see anybody with autism because there's all different, you know, levels.

[2011] Sure.

[2012] Some of them are just completely in trouble.

[2013] Yeah, that's another thing where you're talking about seeing a kid that was, you know, in the dumpster or anything like that.

[2014] There's no tell because some parent having to deal with a kid with autism or any severe handicap in any sort of way.

[2015] It just breaks your heart.

[2016] Yeah, it does because I also feel for the parent too.

[2017] And it's like, and the kid, you know, it's just completely sweet, but just it's um it's tough and it must be difficult to see also i mean and i'm just assuming and i've never talked to anybody about it but it's got to be hard to see you holding in you know with your daughter of me playing with my son wrestling and then when you know their kid there's a kid that walks around our block and he came up me and my son were playing catch in the front playing football and this kid you know went up to the ball and i go hey you want you going to catch the ball and the dad said yeah he can't you can't hear you man And dad was walking like 10 paces behind his kid And I go you want to try it You know and I gave him the ball And then he just sort of dropped it and walked away And my son goes dad what's going You know and I had to explain that But it's like I watched this guy walking 10 paces behind This kid with his backpack just sucking it up And dealing with it And it was just fucking brutal Like here I am I'm going go deep Okay blue 42 you all right cut at the car I want you to take a left and he's you know and I'm hitting my son and my son's putting his hands up in the air and celebrating and hear this guy's so I can never have any of that wow and I feel horrible about the shit I can't I don't know what it is well I was always a pretty big softie before but it was just like the kids really ruined everything well I was always a big softie for kids just because I remember being a kid and being fucked up and confused so when I see kids that are fucked up today it kills me you know it's um and having kids yourself just totally takes that to another level and you have this little human being irresponsible for raising and talking to and kind of going through life with yeah it all takes everything to another level no and it's helped me it's sort of make better choices as well like i always think about them what i would tell them you know and if you're having too many drinks getting in the car and shit like that's like you got it what would you tell your kid to you know it's like if they had a camera looking in maybe you should start that your future child it's going to be able to see everything like are you ever going to have kids Brian?

[2018] You thought about it at all I mean why do you want to ruin the world well my whole thing with the kids is I can barely support myself you know so I don't think I need to bring a kid into that either not right now but I'm saying at some point in your life yeah yeah you never thought you were going to because I remember we talked about this because I always had kids many years ago yeah and well when I first met you your thing that you were always talking about was that you felt like you had a team you know your your team which i kind of understand that but my my my issue was always especially then i was always worried about having to be responsible for somebody else i was always worried about having to take care of somebody else and having to uh to succeed because i need to keep them yeah yeah i'm just very i mean especially you know 15 years ago whatever it It was very, very much like that.

[2019] Like, in my mind, that was that having a child was the ultimate, like, parachute that would pull you back.

[2020] Like, there was no way you would escape it, you know, that I would, there's no way I'd be able to do what I wanted to do if I had a child.

[2021] That's very true.

[2022] It's much harder.

[2023] Like, I go to do some of these sets, you know, and I'm fucking exhausted.

[2024] Like, I really am.

[2025] Like, in terms of handicapping me, I am severely handicapped.

[2026] It requires a lot of time, but what you get out of it is you're, you become such a different human being.

[2027] You know, what I said, you know, and I called someone Kunti, it would have been way worse 10 years ago.

[2028] Jesus Christ, you know, I would have said something horrible.

[2029] Oh, yeah.

[2030] You know, I would have been so much different in my, I look at everybody now.

[2031] I swear to God, and I've talked about this before, but it is true.

[2032] I look at everybody as a baby that grew up, everybody.

[2033] When I run into people, when I watch that crazy lady who killed her kid in Florida, no matter who I look at on television, when I meet me people in real life because I've seen babies become little people and then those little people start talking to you and having conversations to you and you see their personality blossom whenever I see somebody whether they're their kind or whether they're douchebags I always think what was this person like when they were a baby changed my whole way of assessing human beings instead of assessing them as this guy that I'm meeting that's super douchey and 30 and he's squeezing my hand when he's shaking it and he can't keeps touching my neck and come on, stop being weird.

[2034] And instead of seeing that, I'm like, look at this poor baby that grew up with some fucked up dad who was probably ultra douche and his mom probably used to scream at him.

[2035] And, you know, they probably smoked when he was in the womb.

[2036] And then, you know, I'm seeing him now and he's just a bundle of nerves and insecurities and bullshit.

[2037] You know, I don't see people anymore.

[2038] I see people, but I see a process.

[2039] It's weird.

[2040] I mean, I see the, I literally, I start going back.

[2041] I see someone, I meet him, this is Bob, Bob, this is Joe Rogan.

[2042] Hi, Bob, nice to meet you.

[2043] Tutu, do, do, do, do, what happened to Bob?

[2044] Why is he wearing that shirt?

[2045] Why is he touching my neck?

[2046] Guys like to touch you.

[2047] Especially, like, some guys are like into UFC.

[2048] They want to fucking grab you.

[2049] Oh, really?

[2050] Fill you up a little.

[2051] Yeah, I've always been, that's when I'm the opposite.

[2052] Sometimes, guys, I heard you can grapple to get an overhook on me. I'm like, hey, settle down.

[2053] Yeah.

[2054] Why are we wrestling?

[2055] That's funny.

[2056] It's weird.

[2057] Yeah.

[2058] I don't know.

[2059] For the most part, people are super nice.

[2060] You know, one of the things about the MMA crowd, you would think there's way more douchebacks than they are.

[2061] The douchebags kind of get outed, and there's some peripheral ones that venture in and out of the business.

[2062] But as far as, like, a lot of the people you run into, pretty fucking cool.

[2063] Like, as far as, like, there's the sheer numbers.

[2064] Have you ever taken you into a UFC out?

[2065] I went to that one in Vegas.

[2066] It was me and Tebow.

[2067] Remember when Tebow was sitting down and...

[2068] That's right.

[2069] Who went?

[2070] It was me and what's, um...

[2071] Ari?

[2072] No, I went.

[2073] Was Joey there?

[2074] Shania Twain with...

[2075] No, no, no. Either way, who fought?

[2076] Do you remember?

[2077] No, it was for the UFC, the TV show where they had...

[2078] The ultimate fight of the finals?

[2079] I think so.

[2080] Yeah.

[2081] You went to one of those.

[2082] I saw the scarecrow guy knocked out the cat...

[2083] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2084] Pablo Garza was bad.

[2085] He's a bad motherfucker.

[2086] He's a bad motherfucker.

[2087] He just flying triangled somebody in...

[2088] Dude, that was amazing.

[2089] in Montreal.

[2090] He's a beast, that kid.

[2091] I like that guy a lot.

[2092] What was the fight over the weekend that some guy broke his hand?

[2093] Did I read that correctly?

[2094] After, like, the second round, he broke his hand and he had to stop the fight?

[2095] No, you're talking about boxing.

[2096] Oh, Boxing.

[2097] Christy Martin, that old woman that used to box back in the day when Mike Tyson was fighting.

[2098] She'd fight on the undercar.

[2099] Remember that?

[2100] The Coal Miner's daughter?

[2101] Well, she's an old lady now.

[2102] She still fights?

[2103] She just started fighting again.

[2104] And her husband tried to kill her last year.

[2105] He shot her and stabbed her.

[2106] I remember that.

[2107] Okay?

[2108] So, I mean, this bitch recovered from that bitch.

[2109] I shouldn't say this fine lady.

[2110] This cunt.

[2111] When I say, bitch, I say with all due respect, it's just the way I talk.

[2112] Well, that's when you get shot.

[2113] It's just the way I talk.

[2114] When you get shot and stabbed and you come back from it, you are a bitch.

[2115] She's a tough bitch.

[2116] That's what you say.

[2117] And anyway, she was lighting this girl up and she dropped the girl.

[2118] And then she hit her with a combination and broke her hand.

[2119] Like you could see her wince.

[2120] Like, and she hit her with it again.

[2121] And then turn and screamed.

[2122] And they pulled her glow off her hand.

[2123] was just Malfour and it was horrible looking It was shattered I mean it was so bad she couldn't She couldn't possibly go on That's crazy Uriah Faber broke bolt his fucking hands In the second round Of a five round war That he had with Mike Brown Broke bolt his fucking hands So for five rounds He's trying to grapple And punch with crunchy bones They're like snapping And moving inside of his hand And he's got to elbow the dude Because he can't punch him anymore You know The whole fucking foot But meanwhile he never quit I mean, he hung in there for five fucking rounds.

[2124] Yeah, there's, he broke his hand in his last fight, too.

[2125] He had to go through surgery.

[2126] Cort McGowan broke his hand.

[2127] Oh, I was saying court McCown.

[2128] This is what I was thinking to.

[2129] But there's a fighter named Court McCown?

[2130] Jesus Christ, yeah, he won the ultimate fighter.

[2131] What is his last name?

[2132] Hold on.

[2133] UFC just announced today that they have a new Xbox channel where you can bet against your friends on it and you can, like, gamble on the UFC channel and watch replays.

[2134] and kind of like fantasy baseball, I think, but mixed with UFC.

[2135] It's just matter of time.

[2136] Yeah, of course that's going to be popular.

[2137] Dude, I've got this guy confused with somebody else.

[2138] Hold on.

[2139] You know, court.

[2140] That's what I ended up going with.

[2141] Court McGee.

[2142] Jesus Christ.

[2143] Anytime you get a McGah.

[2144] Growing up in Boston or in so many mix, so many McGivry, McGivry, McGivren, they all blur, they blur together.

[2145] Yeah, what is it about the name?

[2146] court because there's a court McCourt well Colt McCoy is the quarterback there's a quarterback that said the court and Mick goes together for some odd reason anyway we sat and we watched and that was one of the first times I'd ever seen anything USC and then T was down on the floor dressed up that was funny was he dressed up as what he just dressed up he had his nice studs on oh studley yeah on the side he's on the floor look at him like a manager he was texting me it's like Rampage is behind me That's how good these seats are.

[2147] Yeah, that's one of the coolest things about having the gig at the UFC is being able to get people those seats.

[2148] It's fun, man. Being there live and watching it live is a very strange thing, isn't it?

[2149] People who haven't seen a live fight, you can get commentary where you can listen, you can get a little radio and you plug it in your ear, and you can listen to the commentary while the fight's going on.

[2150] A lot of people like that.

[2151] But there's something about hearing the impact in real life, as opposed to through speakers.

[2152] But you only get that, though, if you sit close.

[2153] Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[2154] That's why those.

[2155] But even if you're not that far away, you know, you're like first tier, first tier at like Mandalay Bay, which is like not on the floor.

[2156] It's way better.

[2157] First tier is actually better because you can like, you look down, you have a better view.

[2158] You've got a better vantage point.

[2159] But you want to hear the impact.

[2160] Now what about any smack talk?

[2161] Like, what goes on?

[2162] It's tough to hear.

[2163] It's tough for me to hear while I'm right there.

[2164] I like Nick Diaz He can He can smack talking You can hear what he's saying Nick Diaz once He was fighting Robbie Lawler And Robbie Lawler was the huge favorite going to this fight Robbie Lawler was knocking people out He's a beast You know he's still to this day He's a beast So Nick Dejas gets into the cage And just starts going Stockton motherfucker Stockton He's like talking 209 and Stockton And he's pacing back and forth He goes Stockton motherfucker And he was dead serious He was dead serious And you can see Robbie Laher You know about Stockton?

[2165] No. Stockton is near Modesto, California, and it's a fucking place where that's actually from the joke that I have where I got chased over a fence and I ran to my car with my jacket over my head.

[2166] Stockton.

[2167] Wouldn't be the same like Burbank, you man. No, no, no. When somebody, if somebody looked at me and said, Stockton, I'd go, okay, Stockton, all right, you win, whatever you want.

[2168] Calabasas.

[2169] Yeah.

[2170] No, Calabasas.

[2171] Stockton, it's a little bit of crime.

[2172] It's got a, there's a lot of crime.

[2173] I think it leads also America, maybe foreclosed homes.

[2174] You know, it's not a good area.

[2175] It's like, it's the second highest crime rate in California.

[2176] There you go.

[2177] Right after Oakland.

[2178] Oakland's the highest.

[2179] And then Stockton is number two.

[2180] And it leads the country, or at least the state, rather, in home repossessions.

[2181] It's tough action, man. Yeah.

[2182] So when he said when Nick Day.

[2183] says stockton there's something behind that there's something behind that he's he's being very serious so that's what he was saying that he was talking shit to him yeah and then when he fights guys he calls him bitch all the time what bitch what bitch want this bitch like he'll hit guys and talk shit to him he was talking shit to him he was talking shit to robby lawler the whole time they fought he was talking shit to him and Robbie lawler didn't talk shit back I thought he would you know but he was I think I think that guy really flusters a lot of people with his shit talking you know like when when he was fighting Frank Shamrock Frank Shamrock was said it best.

[2184] He was like, I can't, like, he was doing it, and I can't believe he's doing it while he's doing it.

[2185] Like, is this guy really talking this much shit to me?

[2186] Because nobody talks to this shit to anybody.

[2187] Like, yeah, so that guy's like, what?

[2188] Nobody talks shit to me. And this guy's under shit to me?

[2189] He's a fascinating cat, man, because he does fucking triathlons.

[2190] Like, he's really into doing, like, high endurance shit.

[2191] And he gets super baked and then rides his bike and swims and runs.

[2192] His endurance is ridiculous.

[2193] He's got, like, Iron Man Triathlon endurance.

[2194] That's why, one of the reasons why he fucks guys.

[2195] up.

[2196] He just puts a pace on them that they can't keep up with him.

[2197] It's just like he's running with them.

[2198] He just makes them run at his pace and then before you know it, they're wilting and he's beating a fuck out of him.

[2199] He does that to everybody, man. Did it to Paul Dealey.

[2200] He's going to fight Nick Diaz now.

[2201] Or excuse me, he's going to fight George St. Pierre now.

[2202] They're going to fight in October.

[2203] I'm sure he'll talk to him.

[2204] Oh, he's going to talk mad shit.

[2205] It's going to be awesome.

[2206] And George is such a polite guy that it's going to be, you know, such an interesting contrast in styles.

[2207] She's going to kill him.

[2208] GSP is going to kill him?

[2209] You think so?

[2210] Fuck, yes.

[2211] Never know.

[2212] That's an easy one.

[2213] Oh, you can't say that.

[2214] You don't know what you're talking about.

[2215] Listen, when was the last time you saw Nick Diaz fight?

[2216] I haven't seen it.

[2217] Okay, so you got to shut the fuck up.

[2218] That's ridiculous.

[2219] That's just my name.

[2220] You're giving some crazy expert talk.

[2221] I don't how much one I bet?

[2222] 20 bucks.

[2223] I bet that it's a good fight.

[2224] That's what I bet.

[2225] I don't want to pick a winner, but I think it's going to be a good fight.

[2226] It's all about whether or not Nick can work off of his back.

[2227] Because I don't think George is going to want to stand up with Nick.

[2228] Nick's got some serious fucking hands, and he puts himself in danger to land shots.

[2229] And he does some stuff that is just really atypical of guys trying to play it safe and guys that are like champions.

[2230] Like a lot of times guys get to a certain point and they fight to win, but when they can win and coast and not put themselves in danger, they will sometimes.

[2231] This is GSP you're talking against him.

[2232] Well, GSP's done that.

[2233] You're not listening to me. Oh, no, no, I know.

[2234] He does that.

[2235] GSP does that.

[2236] Nick Diaz does not do that.

[2237] Listen to me. I think you're going to know, when Nick Diaz just fought his last fight, he fought a serious fucking dangerous striker, this guy, Paul Daly.

[2238] And Paul Daly does not have a good jiu -jitsu game.

[2239] Paul Daly is his defense is okay.

[2240] It's pretty good, but his stand -up is wicked.

[2241] Nick Diaz went after him only would stand up.

[2242] Didn't even try to submit him, didn't try to take him down, just banged it out with him and dragged him into deep water and then knocked him out.

[2243] And it was incredible.

[2244] And it was in the way he did it was a way that George would never do it.

[2245] He threw himself into the fire.

[2246] He even got clipped and knocked down.

[2247] He's not supposed to be, like, striking with this guy.

[2248] This guy's, like, one of the best strikers in the sport.

[2249] And he struck with him.

[2250] He hung in there with him, and he beat him down.

[2251] And he's just, he's a beast, man. You cannot count out Nick Diaz.

[2252] So don't say that.

[2253] I'll see what I want.

[2254] You're being silly, though.

[2255] I'm just trying to build up the fight.

[2256] Are you really?

[2257] That's what you're doing?

[2258] You're working for the company now?

[2259] Yeah.

[2260] You're the anti -hype guy.

[2261] You're the behind -the -sems type.

[2262] I don't like it when people say, this guy's going to win or that guy's going to win.

[2263] You know why I don't like it?

[2264] Because you don't know, man. You know, the only reason I say is, man, GSP, there's only a couple guys that I just would never bet against.

[2265] Because, I mean, the only thing that would ever ruin GSP, in my opinion, would be a woman.

[2266] It's a good call.

[2267] Look, GSP's a fucking beast.

[2268] GSP is an amazing fighter, and he's very smart, and he's got great wrestling.

[2269] You know, the key to GSP success is that he's always able to take guys down if he wants them to.

[2270] His wrestling is fucking solid as shit.

[2271] And because of that, because he's able to dictate where the fight goes, he's always got this advantage of being able to make.

[2272] make the call, you know.

[2273] So very few guys can stop him from taking them down.

[2274] And he's so hard to take down himself.

[2275] Fight geek talk.

[2276] No, it's all right.

[2277] I just saw, like I said, my first one, I was extremely impressed.

[2278] When I went out to, when I was in Vegas, it was, it was incredible.

[2279] Well, George St. Pierre is a perfect example of why the sport is so atypical, because as Nick Diaz is the shit talker and Nick Diaz is the guy, George St. Pierre is one of the best pound -for -pound fighters on the planet, and he couldn't be a nicer guy.

[2280] He's so friendly and so humble.

[2281] And so down to earth and so genuine, he's like a really nice guy, and he's very intelligent.

[2282] You know, it's very unusual.

[2283] If I was going to have a man crush, I might have to have it with him.

[2284] He's a handsome bastard.

[2285] He's a fucking superhero.

[2286] So if you had to sleep with one UFC fighter, it would be GSB.

[2287] No, I'd be a smaller guy who couldn't be the top.

[2288] I would want to dictate when the butt fucking happens.

[2289] I'll get some bantam weight with a shitty work ethic.

[2290] I don't know.

[2291] The GSBs being my boyfriend.

[2292] You know, I'll take some lady boy, Thailand, dude.

[2293] A decent leg kicks.

[2294] Nice little Asian boy.

[2295] Nothing that's going to really fucking hurt you.

[2296] Got to be careful.

[2297] But, you know, it's just, he's such a contrast in style.

[2298] You know, he's, most of these guys, you think of champions.

[2299] You think of champion fighters.

[2300] You think of, like, real rough, like Mike Tyson -type characters.

[2301] You know, like, when Mike Tyson was the champion, like, he was everybody's worst nightmare.

[2302] This kid from this terrible ghetto home that will punch.

[2303] you in a street fight that'll rape you if you're alone in a hotel with him.

[2304] You know, he's a fucking savage to just go after you.

[2305] And he might be one of the very best heavyweight fighters in history.

[2306] When he was in his prime, I mean, he didn't get to fight Joe Lewis.

[2307] He didn't get to fight Muhammad Ali when they were in their prime.

[2308] But God damn, how exciting would have been.

[2309] How exciting would have been Tyson, the Tyson that fought Spinks, that Tyson in his prime was just a destroyer going against a guy like Muhammad Ali.

[2310] And people say, oh, Muhammad Ali would have killed him.

[2311] Who the fuck knows?

[2312] You don't know.

[2313] You don't know.

[2314] Do they simulate that stuff just like they simulate Yes, but it's nonsense.

[2315] They did it with Rocky Marciano and Muhammad Ali and they had Rocky Marciano knocking Muhammad Ali out.

[2316] And Man, never knocked me out.

[2317] How is this 185 pound man going to knock me out?

[2318] Whoever knocked me out before?

[2319] So they had this silly computer thing that did this.

[2320] They have video games that do it.

[2321] But meanwhile, Muhammad Ali was like a legit heavyweight too.

[2322] Like the Rocky Marciano era, people were really small.

[2323] Rocky Marciano was smaller than me. He might have been like a little tall.

[2324] He was like 510, but he weighed 183, 185 pounds.

[2325] You see basketball footage and the peach basket and guys are passing it around like white guys.

[2326] And I want to say small to me. He's actually bigger than me because he was like lean and, you know, and fit for 185 pounds, whatever the fuck he was.

[2327] But when you think of a heavyweight, you don't think of anyone even remotely close to what I weigh.

[2328] You think of a guy like Lennox Lewis.

[2329] You know, that's a fucking heavyweight today, you know.

[2330] And Rocky Marciano wasn't that kind of a heavyweight.

[2331] He was a small guy.

[2332] he just was this super fucking strong Italian peasant jeans that could just fucking smash you and just tough just take shots and come at you you know it's incredible like the sport of boxing how it's evolved over the years and you see like the guys that you know like in the olden days where they would like fight with like little tiny ass gloves you ever watch those like Jack Dempsey fights on YouTube and shit they basically had speed bag gloves these little tiny knuckle pads and they would just beat the fuck out each other, and sometimes they'd have like 20 round fights and shit.

[2333] A strip of lead, maybe in there.

[2334] Yeah, and every now and then.

[2335] Yeah, sure.

[2336] Well, guys get busted for that today, still even.

[2337] Oh, really?

[2338] Margarito got busted.

[2339] He got suspended for a whole year.

[2340] Heavy gloves.

[2341] He had plaster inside of his gloves.

[2342] What he did was somehow or another, yeah, put plaster in his hand wraps, and as his hand sweat, and, you know, it gets water in there, it packs tight and hard, you know, and he denies that he knew that it was in there, but other people say he must have, but either way, he fucked a lot of people up.

[2343] before he had that and then once he had that in all of a sudden he lost all that punching power that he was stopping everybody with which is really scary to think about the fact that this guy might have fought like more than one fight through his career with loaded gloves you know he's got fucking rocks in his gloves rocks just plastered it's a hard sport Rocky it's a hard sport it's a hard sport it's a hard sport to watch those old time guys now when they try to talk I was talking to my pal Brian Diamond and he's one of the producers at Spike TV He was talking about they had an Ali special, all the different men who had faced Ali in his prime, and that, you know, they had to show subtitles for a lot of these guys because it's very difficult to understand what they're saying.

[2344] There was a guy that showed up at the improv when I was there, and they explained to me that, I guess he had snuck in the showroom, somebody explained to me that this guy was the top athlete in his day, and he got in a car accident.

[2345] So he got this big scholarship.

[2346] No. He was just, he never became pro.

[2347] but he was going to be the shit baseball player and got a head -on car accident some boosters took him out from the college that he was going to go to and head -on collision and brain damage so now this big motherfucker comes in sits right in the front row they said he didn't know how he snuck in no one was going to move him and just looked at me and just all he could say was that's what she said ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and I just kept doing that over and over again.

[2348] Where was this?

[2349] At the improv, Hollywood Imprope.

[2350] Oh, my God.

[2351] So I'm looking down, I'm like, there's no winning.

[2352] Did you know who he was?

[2353] No, somebody explained to me even before he snuck in the showroom that that's who this guy is.

[2354] So this guy was going to be the best baseball player, biggest hitter, just of all time.

[2355] How long ago was this crash?

[2356] I have no idea.

[2357] He was older at this point.

[2358] He's like 45 years old when I saw him.

[2359] So then he sneaks in the showroom, sits right in the front row.

[2360] And they already explained who he was.

[2361] so I knew he was mentally handicapped because he'd been in this accident but, you know, it was just a poor guy who was 6 foot 6 or whatever and the same thing with the boxers when you see a boxer who can't really talk and their brain is just much it's another thing.

[2362] Softie, I tell you, I feel for all these so emotional.

[2363] As I'm getting older, I was never a football fan growing up so I didn't really pay attention to it that much but as I get older I watch football on TV every now and then I watch some of these fucking collisions these guys get hit and knocked unconscious and taken off the field.

[2364] I love it.

[2365] I'm a huge NFL fan.

[2366] I've grown up with it my entire life.

[2367] I love NFL football.

[2368] The strike is killing me. Anybody who could ever say that MMA is more violent than football, they're out of their fucking mind.

[2369] It's more personal.

[2370] It's more personal because you're naked and you're kicking each other and sweating on top of each other.

[2371] It's more primal.

[2372] But there's nothing like a 300 -pound super athlete running and colliding with someone at full speed.

[2373] It's fucking crazy to watch, man. They got to do something about the helmets.

[2374] There was real sports with Brian Gumbull that had a football player on that just, and he had a suction thing in his mouth, and his wife had to suck because he couldn't even clear out his own fucking saliva from all the impact that he's had over the years.

[2375] Well, they had a bunch of guys that have Lou Gehrig's disease.

[2376] There was a bunch of football players that have come up with it, and it's apparently super common for, like, severe, severe head trauma.

[2377] And that's one of the things that they're finding out about all these football players.

[2378] Like, guys who are young guys who, you know, have only been playing pro ball for like a couple years.

[2379] They die and then they do autopsies on them.

[2380] And like, this poor guy was fucked.

[2381] You know, he was already probably in stages of dementia.

[2382] And they're, you know, 28 years old, 30 years old.

[2383] And there's nothing they can do about it other than completely stopping the game and reassessing it and changing the rules.

[2384] They're going to install some sort of devices in dudes headgear and their helmets that's going to game.

[2385] That's going to their impacts.

[2386] And so when they find out, like, what levels of, you know, impact are tolerable and after, at what time.

[2387] But, man, if they start doing, like, cat scans on shit, on dudes while they're...

[2388] Yeah, you're getting jacked up.

[2389] I wonder if they start doing cat scans, how many guys in pro football would turn up to have, like, brain damage.

[2390] A lot?

[2391] Probably, man. It's a hard way to make a living.

[2392] You know, people will talk about how, you know, man, it's great, the life of an athlete, they're so lucky.

[2393] God damn, you know, hard.

[2394] It must be to be a person.

[2395] professional football player in the NFL at the top of the leap with the top of the league with all those super fucking athletes yeah no especially those guys who are on the practice squad who can't even make the team in the first place and they're still getting hit and making $30 ,000 a year or any semi -pro shit or anything like that would you imagine if you had to compete against Ray Lewis do you imagine if you saw Ray Lewis chasing after you could you fucking imagine the terror that you would feel if you're running with that ball and Ray Lewis just fucking moving at you.

[2396] I always think about it all the time, like, if I got hiked the ball.

[2397] Right.

[2398] And I had a professional offensive line in front of me, how far I could actually make it?

[2399] Could I get a yard?

[2400] Could I get a yard?

[2401] One yard.

[2402] No. I don't think you would get a step off.

[2403] I don't think you'd get a step off.

[2404] I think you have to be a super athlete to just...

[2405] I get the ball, and I couldn't even run to the outside because someone would be on me in a...

[2406] Depends on how good the defense is and how will they block, I guess.

[2407] I'm not a, you know, like I said, I'm not like an expert in football.

[2408] But I would think that these guys are so fucking fast.

[2409] One yard.

[2410] Yeah, I was just, all in one is one yard.

[2411] I don't think I could make it at all.

[2412] I get tackled in backfield every fucking time.

[2413] Did you play any sports growing up?

[2414] No, I wanted to.

[2415] I was telling the story the other night.

[2416] It's a new story that I'm telling them, but I wanted to play sports so bad.

[2417] And I got cut.

[2418] I was sort of good in everything.

[2419] Right.

[2420] Not good enough to make the teams.

[2421] What did you try to play?

[2422] I tried to play football.

[2423] And I should have gone back.

[2424] I think it was a mistake that I didn't make the football team.

[2425] because I thought I was good and I was tall enough and big enough to make the football team certainly so I think there was a clerical error and I just never went and fought it yeah I know and then basketball I was good enough but not good enough to make like a B team or something like that but not good enough to make the team and then baseball did nothing so I ended up doing track what did you when you went to college did you keep anything up in college no I didn't do anything in college I was just the worst I really want to to be involved in activities, but I didn't do anything.

[2426] I really didn't do anything, especially in college.

[2427] What was your major?

[2428] Would you want to do?

[2429] I wanted to be a business major.

[2430] I was going to advertising.

[2431] I ended up graduating with human resources because that's what my parents' family business was.

[2432] I told you I used to fire people, right?

[2433] When we first met?

[2434] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2435] Yeah.

[2436] So I had the job of the hatchet man. So I knew I was going to do that.

[2437] And so I went to school for HR and knowing that I was going to go into my parents' family business, which was firing people.

[2438] And what made you you get into standup.

[2439] I hated firing people.

[2440] So I really yeah I really did and so I was volunteering with the big brothers and big sisters and I was trying to do all this stuff to balance out the fact that I was firing single moms during the day and then everyone always told me I should do stand -up and I was watching like short attention to stand -up theater and all this comedy central stuff and the A list you remember that or stand -up stand -up with Wally Collins all these shows that would go out and I was like I got to do that that's what I want to do and I gave a speech I was a salutatorian in my high school class and I ended up um i killed so at 18 or 17 i knew that this is my thing but it just took me 10 years i started really late i started when it was 28 wow so i that's what the other thing that i was telling those kids that i went to speak to it was like the choice of me to do my own thing and work for myself was hands down the best choice i've ever made in my entire life like without a doubt like the chance to go away because i had to my parents you know offered me that company i was going to get offered, a range rover, $500 ,000 a year, something like that.

[2441] Really?

[2442] They were going to give you a car?

[2443] Oh, a car.

[2444] They had in a house, the whole thing.

[2445] Really?

[2446] Yeah.

[2447] They, you know, this is a bigger company.

[2448] We had a lot of employees, $2 ,000 ,000 employees.

[2449] So they were offering you all this stuff.

[2450] And I walked away from it because when things started going well, I just sort of said, you know, I got to do the stand -up.

[2451] How long had you been doing stand -up then?

[2452] Well, sort of I got a gig, you know, let's say I went to Montreal and I got cast in my own TV show.

[2453] So it was easy for me to go.

[2454] How many years?

[2455] How years had you been doing, standing up by then?

[2456] Four years.

[2457] Four years?

[2458] So this was your 32?

[2459] What's that?

[2460] You did it from 28 to 32, and that's when you quit?

[2461] 28 to 32, yeah.

[2462] Nice.

[2463] Yeah, man, changes.

[2464] Changes and risks.

[2465] You got to take them.

[2466] Did you have kids at this time?

[2467] One.

[2468] Lorenzo was one.

[2469] That's scary.

[2470] Yeah.

[2471] So then I came down in L .A. I mean, pretty much was sort of written off.

[2472] You know, it's like, okay, you're not getting anything.

[2473] Wow.

[2474] Yeah.

[2475] How risky does that feel when you have a child and you take this move away from this you know, guaranteed really high -paying job.

[2476] Yeah, that's the other thing is that you were always, for a while, I was second -guessing it thinking, oh, my God, I had this guaranteed income.

[2477] And now with any bit of stand -up or television work, you don't know if your show is going to get picked up.

[2478] You don't know what's going to happen.

[2479] Right.

[2480] So you don't know where you get money.

[2481] It's like this feast or famine thing that goes along with being an actor or any artist.

[2482] It's like, oh, I'm going to get paid a lot of money or the paydays that are going to start to come.

[2483] But in the meantime, when you have a child, you're constantly thinking, oh, my God, I've got to provide for those people.

[2484] It's the same thing that scale.

[2485] you know the responsibility of it all it's like I can't fuck up right I can't go go yeah I don't yeah I don't know there's no fucking up for me yeah so yeah that was a lot of pressure you know and so do you ever find like that's creatively stifling or do you thought that it's inspiring um there are a lot of outside things for me to do like I have a lot of shit that I need to get done like I got to maintain my house that's another thing it's like I'm working on stuff around the house on a regular basis and I can't I don't you know I'm lucky enough and to make a little bit of money where I can have some people come in and help me with some things.

[2486] But for the most part, in terms like I'm doing a lot of the day, all the day -to -day maintenance, you know, where I'm, you know, maintaining my yard.

[2487] So your wife works?

[2488] No, my wife doesn't do.

[2489] She doesn't work.

[2490] She takes care of the kids.

[2491] So you're just doing, you're saying you have a bunch of shit to do.

[2492] It's not like you have a wide -open day.

[2493] That's everybody that owns a house, right?

[2494] Yeah.

[2495] That's one thing you find out when you have a house.

[2496] It's fucking always something going wrong.

[2497] There's something going on.

[2498] Even if it's a new house, shit breaks.

[2499] Things break.

[2500] Constantly managing your, so there's life's.

[2501] maintenance shit that always clutters what i meant what i meant is the responsibility of having children do you find that inspiring or do you find that sometimes that stifles inspiration because it's so you know it's a lot of pressure as well i haven't let it affect me either way i've just been just as inspired you know because i get you know like you said a big when i create something and it works the rush i get from that is so great that i mean kids are not like i'd be doing this you know and even if i had the kids i'm not extra motivated doesn't give you any extra pressure no Well, that's great.

[2502] You have a healthy attitude about it, so you don't have to worry about it over consuming you or worrying you.

[2503] We're cool.

[2504] I really made it clear.

[2505] And you said all the great stuff that happens from kids, you know, we go to the park and shit like that.

[2506] Like you and you're, I'm out in front saying Blue 42.

[2507] Right, right.

[2508] And shit like that.

[2509] I love football so much that I always dreamed that I would be playing catch with some kid out.

[2510] And so I love that shit, you know.

[2511] And so I want to spend more time.

[2512] That's why I'm so grateful for all this TV stuff that's happening because I get to stay home.

[2513] Yeah.

[2514] I hate me. I miss Memorial Day weekend camping.

[2515] My wife calls me up, and she's driving up to El Capitan that was in, it's in Santa Barbara's campground.

[2516] And she goes, the kids are watching, you're never going to believe this, but guess what the kids are watching in the DVD player.

[2517] And they're watching Jim Gaffigan, Beyond the Pale.

[2518] My four -year -old and an eight -year -old, instead of any Disney movie, they're watching Beyond the Pale.

[2519] Gaffigan, they love Hot Pocket bit.

[2520] My son tells my wife He's going to do the talent show And he's going to do Hot Pockets And my wife My wife goes, I don't know what you should be more pissed about The fact that he's stealing other people's material Or it's not yours But that's like I can't believe I'm not there watching And he ended up not doing it and checking out Because everyone was singing songs It's like now I'm going to go up and tell them Hot Pocket jokes No one's eating a fucking hot pocket So anyway I missed that And I was away working at D .C. Improv.

[2521] It's hard.

[2522] And you feel bad.

[2523] Got to make that monthly nuts, son.

[2524] Yeah.

[2525] But we're lucky to be doing it that way, man. It's the greatest job in the world.

[2526] I wouldn't like to do anything.

[2527] If there's ever, if anybody ever said, you have to choose one of the things you do.

[2528] I've been very fortunate that I've been able to do a lot of different things.

[2529] Been able to act and host shit like Fear Factor in the UFC.

[2530] But if somebody said you can only do one, you have to get rid of the other ones.

[2531] It's not even a question.

[2532] Stand up.

[2533] Yeah, for sure.

[2534] Without a doubt.

[2535] Without a doubt, right?

[2536] Yep.

[2537] Easy.

[2538] It's not even, it's not even a quick.

[2539] I mean, it's not even, there's no, there's no alternative.

[2540] No, I control everything with stand -up.

[2541] Not only that, it's so fucking fun, and it's so fun to watch.

[2542] Like, to this day, I still love watching it.

[2543] Yeah, no, I just think it's, I've gotten to a point also where I'm very comfortable.

[2544] I think, was I telling you this, the difference, right, was what I was talking about, how being comfortable on stage.

[2545] I started walking up, there was a turning point where I started judging the audience rather than letting them judge.

[2546] me and that's how I knew I was really like I'd walk up and go are these people good I got because I know I can do this but how are these fuckers and then I don't say that there's no bad audiences like fucking Bill Cosby used to say that there's only bad comedians like you need to go fast eddies in Huntington yeah exactly right you need to work in some shitholes do I said that the other night I looked at out everybody and I go hey I just want to make it clear that I've been doing this for a while and you guys have a certain responsibility you're like a teacher yeah I'm like a teacher's golden high school kids I know because they were all sitting there slunched over with their arms crossed just looking at me like they were going to judge me and I go no you guys are thinking you're going to fucking judge me right now but it's the other way around I don't think you guys are very good okay where can people see if they want to check you out what's your website is it almagical dot com I also am doing something with this my album that I just put out it's uh let people pay whatever they want just because I'd rather people have it the minimum is five bucks but still I kick those people that I'm about to send them my hour from that I just recorded in DC because they bought the previous album.

[2547] So I'll just keep sending them shit.

[2548] So you do it all through iTunes or how do it?

[2549] No, just do it on my website.

[2550] I didn't go with the record company.

[2551] You PayPal or something?

[2552] Yeah, just PayPal.

[2553] Oh, that's cool.

[2554] So you can sort of put it in any dollar amount you want, minimum five.

[2555] And I figure that's bargaining.

[2556] So that's how you release your CD?

[2557] Just my own self.

[2558] Yeah.

[2559] Dude, that's pretty fucking cool.

[2560] You cut out the middleman.

[2561] So if somebody wants it by that, they go to Almagrival.

[2562] Yeah.

[2563] Just click on the album.

[2564] album.

[2565] And then the new podcast I'm doing with Maz Jabrani, that's Mini Van Men and we just had our first episode.

[2566] And it's on iTunes?

[2567] Not yet.

[2568] Not yet.

[2569] That's how new it is.

[2570] That's weird.

[2571] I mean, we just...

[2572] Where can they...

[2573] Is they go to Minivanmen .com?

[2574] Or, yeah, I'll put a link up on my website.

[2575] You're going to crash your server, son.

[2576] Yeah, really?

[2577] They're coming in right now.

[2578] Do it.

[2579] Shut up down.

[2580] That'd be awesome.

[2581] Where can anybody see you next?

[2582] When's your next gig?

[2583] Probably, I haven't called in for spots, but I'm going to be in L .A. for a long time, and then I think I might be going to the Montreal Comedy Festival.

[2584] Oh, so this summer?

[2585] So you'd be around doing your TV show stuff until then.

[2586] So you do a lot of sets at the improv or the comedy store.

[2587] I mix it up.

[2588] Now I mix it up quite a bit.

[2589] So improv laugh factory comedy store.

[2590] Cool.

[2591] This Thursday night, the Vogue Theater in Vancouver, I think the only thing that's left is like single tickets.

[2592] But it's me and Tom Segura and a possible guest star that I cannot mention because he's under contract with something else.

[2593] and then June 25th we're at the Carnegie Music Hall in Pittsburgh It's not the same Carnegie Hall Is that Tom as well Pittsburgh bro No that one is Joey Diaz It's kind of like me to that What the fuck cock sucker I gotta bring Joey to Pittsburgh That's Pittsburgh is perfect for Joey Diaz And then the Mandalay Bay Theater is July 1st And that's it Pitches We have Cliffy B tomorrow morning at 10 a .m At 10 a .m we're going to be live A very special early edition podcast I'm going to get up and have breakfast on your side of town.

[2594] Yeah.

[2595] Yeah, I'm going to get up really early because that traffic is a motherfucker.

[2596] What time did you get to leave?

[2597] I mean, well, I'm going to take the back roads to get to him.

[2598] But yeah, man, L .A., anytime you've got to go somewhere, L .A., around 9 o 'clock to 10 o 'clock, it's just parking lot city.

[2599] So, you know, it's the real problem, but it's also the real thing that's great about L .A. There's so much here.

[2600] There's so many different stores, so many different people, so many different influences, you know, so much different stuff.

[2601] But because of that, there's so many fucking humans.

[2602] That whenever you want to get anywhere And it's a You know what I'm talking about, bitches I'm just dragging shit out That's it for today So yeah, I was about to do that So tomorrow, Cliffy B from Epic Games Brian Possein's going to do it And I got to call Kevin Smith's people back to We're going to work that out as well And I'll let you guys know on Twitter When that'll be taking place He's got some per diem plus one Some podcast he does him and his wife And so it's going to be me, him and his wife Oh Kevin Smith?

[2603] Yeah, so I'm fired about it.

[2604] fired up about doing that and so that's it um that's all the deal um cunty gate just use the word and with love only from now on that i was thinking we were talking about the homeless kids and uh the kids that go into school and all this stuff then we were talking about the autistic kids and all the stuff to marchion and athletes that were all fucked up to just sum everything up and then when you start i started thinking about okay and we started talking about cunty right like with all this other shit going on.

[2605] It's ridiculous.

[2606] Yeah, it is ridiculous.

[2607] That you would even be concerned with such a thing.

[2608] Yeah.

[2609] Be ashamed of yourself.

[2610] Well, it's just the grand distraction of it all.

[2611] Al Madrigal's just dropped Wisdoms on you bitches.

[2612] Wisdoms?

[2613] Yeah, there you go.

[2614] That's what we're going to still complaining about that next.

[2615] Smart as fuck.

[2616] All right.

[2617] Well, that's it for this week.

[2618] Thank you to the fleshlight.

[2619] Go to joe rogan .com.

[2620] And click on the link for the fleshlight and enter in the code name Rogan and you would get 15 % off.

[2621] the number one adult sex toy for men and I'll give you one Al Madrigal if you're allowed to take one home No just take it to me Don't be scared of running crazy Al Magical is afraid that he shoots one loaded In that thing he's just gonna run a muck through the land Become a fucking barbarian Give up all his responsibilities Don't you worry I mean when your daughter turns five I have a five year old now I can't No one shooting loads into plastic toys I have a 1 ,300 square foot house Where do you keep that?

[2622] Every space is accounted for Oh you gotta get a safe son All right It's safe.

[2623] Now I'm going to save.

[2624] We'll talk about the shit off the air.

[2625] Love you, bitches.

[2626] We'll see you tomorrow.

[2627] Thank you very much for everything.

[2628] I love you guys.