MFM Minisode 230

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Guys, we are so excited to introduce you to our brand new podcast, Parent Footprint, with none other than my actual cousin, Dr. Dan.

[2] It premieres Father's Day Week, Thursday, June 17th.

[3] The show synopsis goes like this.

[4] Parent Footprint, Dr. Dan teaches us all how to make the world a more loving, accepting, and compassionate place, one parent and one child at a time.

[5] With over 20 years experience as a psychologist, author, and father, Dr. Dan Peters, understands the key to raising happy and aware kids is for parents to seek the same joy and mindfulness in their own lives.

[6] Listen, I can tell you, having known him my entire 40 years, that Dr. Dan is one of the kindest people I've met, one of the best father's husband.

[7] This is so incredible.

[8] Dr. Dan also helps caregivers parent with purpose while striving to be the best version of themselves.

[9] Listen to the trailer for Parent Footprint with Dr. Dan now.

[10] And check out the premiere, June 17th, that's Father's Day, on exactly right, with new episodes every Thursday.

[11] Also, subscribe to Parent Footprint with Dr. Dan on Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.

[12] Please follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at Parent Footprint Podcast.

[13] Yay, welcome to the fam, Dr. Dan.

[14] Dr. Danny.

[15] Hello.

[16] And welcome.

[17] That's my favorite murder.

[18] The minisode.

[19] It's tiny.

[20] We're going to read you your emails.

[21] That's right.

[22] I'm not giving you anything.

[23] It's pretty basic.

[24] No, there's not a lot to discuss.

[25] We've done it literally 500 times.

[26] That's right.

[27] People know what's going to happen.

[28] It's the mailbag.

[29] Georgie, you want to go first this week?

[30] I would love to.

[31] Okay.

[32] This is called Surprise.

[33] I have a secret sibling.

[34] And this is actually from the fan cult.

[35] We got so many good submissions for the mini, mini for the fan cult that I just had to pull one for, you know, I love to pull one for the main episode.

[36] So this is a long story, so I'll make it snappy.

[37] When I was 15 or 16 years old, circa 2007, I was out and about with my mom running errands when she randomly turned to me and said, as if this was normal, oh, by the way, don't be surprised if in the future someone reaches out to you claiming to be your sister, they probably are.

[38] Some found it.

[39] I asked my mom to repeat what she just said.

[40] She proceeds to tell me that when my mom and dad were dating, my mom found out what was supposed to be my dad's ex -girlfriend was newly pregnant and having a girl.

[41] Oh.

[42] Surprise.

[43] Mm -hmm.

[44] All my mom knew was that the ex -girlfriend's plan was to flee to Canada and give my sister up for adoption because at the time, my dad was suing her for full custody.

[45] But my mom never found out what happened.

[46] For 10 years, this would be all I knew about my potential sister that may or may not still exist.

[47] Cut to 2017 and I'm looking through old Facebook messages and I find a message from a girl that I'd never seen before asking if I knew a man named Bob.

[48] Bob was not my dad's name, but for the sake of the story, just go with it.

[49] I thought this was odd as the message was from 2009.

[50] That's like 10 years before.

[51] And yet I had no recollection of receiving it.

[52] On a whim, I responded, yes, I know Bob.

[53] He's my dad.

[54] I shit you not 20 minutes later.

[55] She responded, and all caps, it was her.

[56] It was my sister.

[57] Well, we immediately started talking and I asked her for her birth date and info and cross -reference the information she gave with my mom's recollection and timeline.

[58] And it was her.

[59] That's good to do some sleuthing.

[60] You don't want to get scammed, you know?

[61] Don't just accept any sister that comes along on Facebook.

[62] It could be the my pillow guy.

[63] You don't know.

[64] Ground rules, people.

[65] please we've been talking on enough since I responded to her message and send each other holiday gifts on occasion and in 2018 I got to go up to Vancouver Canada I'm in Seattle Washington and met her for the first time we are so alike it's eerie turns out the old question of is it nurture or nature is for us 100 % nature meeting her was not only weird since no one in my family has ever mentioned her existence to me even though they all knew where she was Also, because she was able to fill in a lot of key information that I had been missing my entire life about our father.

[66] As it turns out, my dad was cheating on both our moms at the same time.

[67] And unfortunately, her birth mother, I have to put alleged because I guess laws and stuff, was allegedly raped by our father.

[68] Oh, no. I believe it was this reason that no one in my family told me about my secret sister until my mom blurted it out in 2007.

[69] My mom and dad divorced when I was three months old because he was emotionally and physically abusive and an all -around piece of shit.

[70] So I have a strong belief that our father did indeed rape her mother.

[71] It has been a whirlwind to get to meet someone I never knew truly existed.

[72] She is an amazing person, a mother to three kids and I have so enjoyed getting to know her and we're currently planning a trip to Salem, Massachusetts to get our witchy vibes on.

[73] hopefully, hopefully next October, COVID -willing.

[74] What a crazy thing to be like, we're both into witches.

[75] Let's go to Salem.

[76] Like, I never knew you.

[77] Come on, new sister.

[78] Let's do some practical magic together.

[79] I love it.

[80] Although I wish I had her growing up.

[81] I have a half brother who is eight years younger.

[82] I am so happy that her mom was able to escape our father, flee to Canada, and that she was adopted to an amazing family and had a great childhood.

[83] Given my childhood experiences, I can't say that would have been true if her mother had stayed.

[84] Love you all.

[85] Stay sexy and check your Facebook messages for secret siblings, Amanda E. And then she says, totally doesn't need to say this, but says, I apologize for the incorrect grammar and run on sentences.

[86] I'm an engineer.

[87] I'm good at math.

[88] And that's about it.

[89] Amanda, you did great.

[90] What an incredible story that has that twist that you don't expect.

[91] And like, so could be a tragic story.

[92] is one of like, of course, women triumphing and coming together.

[93] I love that.

[94] Well, it's really beautiful that it doesn't really, the source doesn't really matter because it's that relationship that they have now.

[95] And that weird thing of this sister bond, where it is like the idea that you would have a sister you didn't know about in the second you meet her.

[96] It's like, yeah, that's completely my sister.

[97] I love that.

[98] And I love that despite these horrible things, these women were able to thrive, despite this horrible man these women were able to thrive like in spite of him and like it's a real fuck you to this dad it's or it's just a completely separate they're living in existence that it has nothing to do with that guy it's just like he was a part of it and now he's not anywhere in it and that's and it doesn't really matter and now they're doing their thing that's i mean not to change not to correct your thing but there's also that thing of maybe they're not living in bitterness and fuck you maybe they're just being like oh my god it's this lovely relationship has like healed all that it's it's a healing experience i love that it sounds like to me no it's a good that's a good way to spin it instead of my anger and bitterness well justified justified though justified but i think this is like a thing of moving past which is what i find kind of like heartening and lightning about it totally and witchiness always a good always a plus oh yeah Yeah.

[99] I just, I also, not to go all the way back, but the idea that the mother randomly while they're out shopping, like what was going on?

[100] How do you make decisions like that when you're like, I really need to tell this person this thing?

[101] Am I going to wait till, do you wait till after dinner?

[102] Do you wait to this?

[103] And then it's a thing that presses on you until you just say it at the weirdest time.

[104] Yeah.

[105] So you're like egg, spread, milk.

[106] You have a secret sibling bacon.

[107] things are much worse with your father than you even could imagine and now let's go get shoes.

[108] You're 15 or 16.

[109] It's the time.

[110] Yeah.

[111] God bless her.

[112] All right.

[113] Here's my first email on this.

[114] The subject line is son of Sam Berkowitz connection at work.

[115] Hello, cool ants.

[116] I'm a substance use counselor at an amazing clinic that's expanding to be able to serve a wider array of people in the community.

[117] We just hired a really impressive art therapist and as we sat in my office shooting the shit until our next appointment showed up, I learned that she grew up in Yonkers, New York.

[118] Upon hearing this, my little murderino heart leapt out of my chest, having recently finished watching Sons of Sam.

[119] Instead of immediately acting on my instinct, I brought up that I completed my undergrad at Sarah Lawrence, which is just outside of Yonkers.

[120] After a few minutes, I started to ease into the murderino territory, because how could I not, and began talking about how I recently learned more about the son of Sam murders and David Berkowitz.

[121] And then she says, oh, yeah, he was my mailman.

[122] My brother and I used to tease him.

[123] Oh, he's got to be someone's mailman since he was a male man. Oh, my God.

[124] After hearing this, I was completely unable to play it cool, so I pressed her for all the details.

[125] When she was 12 years old, she and her brother would hang out on the balcony on the second floor of their home in the afternoons, right about the same time the mail was delivered.

[126] each day.

[127] My co -worker and her younger brother would stare at him as he walked into the yard, at which point he would look up and angrily ask, what do you kids look at?

[128] And my co -worker would respond to this with your rat face.

[129] Oh my God.

[130] Oh, my God.

[131] What a perfect slam, your rat face.

[132] To which he replied, I'm going to get you a kid.

[133] My coworker stated that she now sees he was saying this in a more teasing job.

[134] joking way, but that they did not know that at the time and survived of being slightly afraid of him.

[135] They continued to hound the mailman and would at times hide behind the fence and yell rat face at him as he walked by.

[136] So in a way, they, as children, bullied David Berkowitz.

[137] I was just thinking that, too, where it's like, stop doing that.

[138] Yeah.

[139] Not that that's my shoes, but.

[140] She also said when she ran away from home when she was a teenager, she lived at Untermeier Park.

[141] Holy shit.

[142] And then it says in parentheses where the cult did their cult shit.

[143] And she was well aware of the dark things that were supposedly going on in the park's ruins.

[144] Needless to say, this is my new favorite work friend.

[145] I know you're here at each and every day, but on behalf of the mental health community, thank you for being who you are and championing the causes that you do.

[146] Shame kills.

[147] Go see your therapist.

[148] Say sexy.

[149] And don't be afraid to call your local serial killer out on their shit.

[150] Andrea.

[151] And then it says, announced Andrea, or really however you want to pronounce it, I've been called worse.

[152] Andrea, good one.

[153] I mean, this is a whole different time when bullying was encouraged.

[154] Bullying adults was fine.

[155] Yeah.

[156] You know?

[157] And threatening children was encouraged.

[158] It'll give them something to be scared about.

[159] It was just it.

[160] It was loosey goosey, uh, in the, on the east coast or all over the nation.

[161] But, you know, people could Just kind of throw words wherever they wanted back then.

[162] There was no one to tell anybody to do better clap, clap.

[163] Thank you.

[164] Hashtag, thank you.

[165] Okay.

[166] I accidentally mutilated my grandmother's corpse.

[167] Lighthearted.

[168] Also a badass grandma story.

[169] Oh, no. It's not that bad.

[170] Okay.

[171] I promise.

[172] Hello, friendos.

[173] So my granny, Annie, died a few years ago, right?

[174] She had gotten cancer a few times in her life before her death.

[175] During her last hospitalization, she wasn't allowed to eat salt because of whatever medication she was on.

[176] She was super cheezed off about the lack of salt on her already gross hospital food.

[177] So she had one of her kids smuggle a dime bag full of salt into the hospital.

[178] Granny Annie, don't give a fuck.

[179] Which she kept in her bra.

[180] Nice.

[181] When she was eventually caught by nurses, she told them it was cocaine.

[182] She was 88 at the time.

[183] Fast forward to when she eventually died and about 60 family members are at her open casket viewing.

[184] She had five children who organized the visitation who were absolutely horrified upon seeing her body.

[185] For whatever reason, the mortician had put neon pink lipstick on granny's lips, despite having a reference photo which showed her in natural makeup.

[186] Her kids were mortified at the pink lips.

[187] on their mother's corpse.

[188] Half joking, my older sister and I asked if they wanted us to change the lipstick, and they said, yes.

[189] In the middle of the viewing, her children formed a human blockade around the casket, pretending to be grieving silently so they could block the view of the casket from guests.

[190] My sister and I then hesitantly got to work.

[191] We wiped off the pink lipstick with a paper towel, all caps, taking off all the skin on her lips with the lipstick.

[192] it.

[193] We just slapped the new lipstick right on top of it in the general shape of lips.

[194] We left the tube of liquid lipstick in Granny's casket just in case she needed it in the afterlife.

[195] To this day, I wonder if the mortician saw our handiwork after the service, wondering what the actual fuck happened to this poor lady's corpse.

[196] I really hope she wasn't offended that we changed her hard work.

[197] Just a side note to Granny's badassery.

[198] She had a gay son and many gay grandchildren who she never judged and all came out to her without issue.

[199] She was pro -sex work and put my father in his place when he gave my sister a hard time for stripping and making adult films.

[200] She had confronted strangers in public for using racial slurs on several occasions and definitely would have attended Black Lives Matter protests if she was alive at the time.

[201] For a couple months, she didn't tell anyone that she had gone 75 % blind in her old age and continued to drive her car, explaining that she wanted, quote, Just a few more joy rides before handing over her license.

[202] Yep.

[203] Thankfully, she didn't hurt anyone or herself literally driving blind.

[204] One last story.

[205] Christmas before her death, she morbidly gave out some of her jewelry to some of the grandchildren.

[206] When we asked her why she was giving away her jewelry, her response was, I'm old as hell and definitely going to die soon.

[207] She was laughing at our horrified looks following that statement.

[208] A few months after her death, I visited a psychic medium.

[209] Granny came through and started talking about the lipstick in her casket.

[210] The medium was very confused while my husband and I wheezed laughed ourselves off our chairs.

[211] Her ghost still shows up around the house from time to time.

[212] Before she died, she established, quote, secret codes for us to recognize when she haunted us.

[213] Oh my God, my sister and I did this when they were a little.

[214] for me she agreed to knock glad cups over and quote sing me a little song when she was around her ghost has broken about five glasses up to this point and every now and then my husband and I sometimes the guests will hear her voice humming or singing a little tune we miss her dearly as granny annie would definitely say stay sexy Nicole gable you can use my last name Nicole I I, with all that information you provided, I am sure that your grandmother saw what happened at the funeral home that day and was laughing her ass off.

[215] That's the only reason I read it is it sounds like a grandma who thought this was funny.

[216] Yes.

[217] It wasn't like a precious, like, church lady grandma who was all about, you know, whatever.

[218] She was a badass that was funny and was.

[219] She probably was like, thank you for making me not look like a raver at my own.

[220] own funeral.

[221] And also it's, I mean, to be honest, it was worse for Nicole and her sister.

[222] That's a horrible thing to have to experience.

[223] It's like the grandma's like, hey, it's over for me. That's, it's not, you know.

[224] I mean, you were asked to do it.

[225] It's not like they were messing around.

[226] It sounds like Granny Annie's last prank on them almost, you know.

[227] It is incredibly fucked up.

[228] Thank you for sharing your horrifying story.

[229] having a sense of humor really is a helpful way to get through life it really it'll help you um especially having a sense of humor about your own mouth all right i'm not going to read you the subject line of this because it gives it away hi there my favorite podcast besties i've written in before about how a co -worker once tried to sell me a gay porno starring her brother but i was sometimes you skip the beginning because you're just trying to get to what the meat of the story yeah yeah yeah and you just realize there are gems for you to be to be found.

[230] It's sometimes fun to be like, whoa, I didn't, that was excuse me. Hold on.

[231] I've written in before about how a co -worker once tried to sell me a gay porno starring her brother.

[232] But as I was listening to Minnesota 226 and heard the story about the kids, I think that's really beautiful that that sister was so proud of her brother.

[233] Oh, yeah.

[234] But as I was listening to Minnesota 226 and heard the story about the kids who would throw darts at each other, down the stairs, that person mentioned offhandedly that her dad set off a bomb at the seminary building.

[235] This reminded me of a story from my time in high school that, frankly, I can't believe I've forgotten about.

[236] I was a pretty big nerd in high school and spent my junior and senior years in various AP science courses.

[237] I was living in a pretty rural farming community.

[238] And since most of my classmates only cared about the three Fs, football farming and fucking.

[239] I was like, oh, is that something?

[240] I've missed out on by, what's the Rams?

[241] I grew up in suburbia.

[242] I know.

[243] I was like, oh, you mean a FFA, the future farmers of, oh, fucking.

[244] Our school's singular science teacher had to try pretty hard to keep the students engaged.

[245] Or maybe he was trying too hard to be a cool teacher.

[246] I'll never know.

[247] Some of the quote unquote experiments he had us do in the advanced classes included things like making biofuel out with the cafeteria's waste oil.

[248] bringing in jars of our own urine and running tests to see if we could determine which samples he spiked with distilled homemade vodka.

[249] Yes, he really taught teenagers.

[250] Oh, sorry, I read that wrong in the weirdest way.

[251] It's supposed to be bringing in jars of our own urine and running test to see if we could determine which samples he spiked with mess or distilling homemade vodka.

[252] It doesn't matter.

[253] But I think they meant distilled.

[254] Ah.

[255] So like, okay, the urine, I think, is separate from the vodka.

[256] Anyway.

[257] Right.

[258] Yes, he really taught teenagers how to make their own illegal booths.

[259] And he made our class a deal about our finals and that he had a surprise planned if enough of us got an A. He was pretty coy about it, but enough of the students passed.

[260] So he let us know, we were going to blow up an old car.

[261] This is, okay, I was never an AP anything.

[262] But I heard the stories that the what they got to do and was like, tried harder.

[263] I was never going to make it.

[264] But tried harder because they got to do the clearly, the coolest shit.

[265] Smart people trying to impress other smart people.

[266] You want to be in that room.

[267] So this was in 2010 and at the height of the Mythbusters popularity and needless to say, we were psyched.

[268] He insisted it wouldn't be a proper experiment if we didn't learn how to make the explosives ourselves.

[269] And I'm going to go ahead and gloss over the specifics, partly for the obvious safety reasons, but mostly because I can't remember what I had for dinner last Monday, let alone complicated weaponry schematics I saw for 15 minutes, 11 years ago.

[270] He found a farmer who'd let us use a dirt field, and we all showed up at the designated time, ready to blow that shit sky high or whatever slang my peers used.

[271] Did I mention I wasn't cool?

[272] And because he was nothing, if not a responsible educator, he called and had the volunteer fire truck and a couple police officers come by to quote, make sure everything stayed safe.

[273] Oh, that's cool.

[274] I can only imagine that he sought permission to blow up a car and the answer was if we get to watch, then hell yeah.

[275] Our teacher set the explosives.

[276] We were ushered to a safe distance away about 50 yards.

[277] He hit the button and y 'all ever see a campfire that smokes and smolders for a while before igniting?

[278] It was like that.

[279] No big boom.

[280] No debris flying at children standing in the open.

[281] just a small fire that the adults let burn for 10 minutes or so and then extinguished.

[282] Incredibly anticlimactic, but considering all the ways that event could have gone, this was probably the best possible outcome.

[283] Anyway, thank you all for putting out this show for all these strangers.

[284] And I'll add my voice to the chorus of everyone thanking you for helping end the stigma around talking about and treating mental health.

[285] It's been a rough year.

[286] But I did get the opportunity to start therapy.

[287] Inspired by the two of you, I've even started writing a book to help deal with the issues I'm working through.

[288] And although I doubt I'll ever publish it, I'm finding the courage to share bits I'm particularly proud of with my friends.

[289] Stay sexy and don't try this at home, Drew.

[290] Drew.

[291] That's the first step.

[292] This doesn't have to be the book.

[293] The next one could be the book.

[294] You never know.

[295] Yeah.

[296] And writing is so cathartic.

[297] It's such a, it's so strangely therapeutic itself that it's a great idea no matter what you do with it.

[298] And sharing it with your friends is such a beautiful act.

[299] Yeah, that's great.

[300] Amazing story.

[301] Amazing teacher.

[302] They should all be so of all the stories that we share in the way, the directions they've gone.

[303] Yeah.

[304] The fact that just nothing happened is kind of the greatest.

[305] I love it.

[306] That was great.

[307] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[308] Absolutely.

[309] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to store and actually purchase something with cash.

[310] Exactly.

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[326] dot com slash murder.

[327] Goodbye.

[328] Okay, this one's called, quote, what the fuck is a meatball marinerer going to help?

[329] Hey, y 'all.

[330] And yes, that subject line is a direct quote.

[331] It's a semi -long story, but damn is it good.

[332] Okay, about two years ago, my dear friend from high school moved back to our hometown.

[333] She's here nearly a year and it was fucking wild.

[334] One night, we were on FaceTime while I was house sitting and she's unpacking her new apartment.

[335] Well, on the call, she slices her thumb with an eyebrow razor.

[336] I'm concerned, but my friend is oddly calm and just goes, I sliced my thumb.

[337] Being that I was housed sitting for a nurse, I grabbed supplies and went over to aid her.

[338] In the 10 minutes, 10 minutes, it took to commute to her apartment.

[339] My friend was purple -faced from crying.

[340] Oh.

[341] And then it says she had talked to her mother.

[342] wrapped her entire hand into a bloody t -shirt, which was held over her head, and her highly trained ESA therapy dog was barking at me anytime I left my friend's side.

[343] June never barked, so now I was getting shook.

[344] We decided we needed to get immediate medical services, but she didn't want to go to the ER.

[345] So we get in my car and I come up with the idea of going to the local firehouse.

[346] After telling my distressed friend, the only key word she heard was firehouse.

[347] And then she screams, what the fuck is a meatball mariner going to help?

[348] So I think that their local bar must have been called the firehouse.

[349] Oh.

[350] Or maybe it's a chain somewhere.

[351] Or like a chain restaurant.

[352] Yeah.

[353] Coincidentally, the restaurant was also in the direction of the fire station.

[354] So I humored her once we get to the local PD firehouse, I run in to get help.

[355] The night receptionist tells me to go upstairs to the bunks and I could find a fireman.

[356] Being the middle of the night, the floor was dark and quiet.

[357] So I yelled down the hall, making my presence known, which worked because a fireman and his boxers comes out to investigate.

[358] Without making eye contact, I told him about my friend and her thumb downstairs, and he said he'd meet us in the bay.

[359] Several other firemen join us down there to help bandage my friend and make her laugh.

[360] Best part, we didn't have the ER hassle or bill.

[361] Honestly, they didn't even ask for her names and gave us supplies for after.

[362] care.

[363] Bonus.

[364] Our moms were super proud of us individually for quick thinking to utilize the fire station over the ER.

[365] Of all the memories we made that year, she lived in our hometown.

[366] That one holds high rank.

[367] I took a photo of my girl and the fireman, but I'm pissed I didn't get her bare feet in the pick.

[368] Stay sexy and mind your brow raisers lady.

[369] Olivia from Georgia.

[370] That is hilariously we can't be encouraging people just to go straight to the fire department.

[371] And also, I love that she said the phrase night receptionist.

[372] That was a fireman who was sitting there and he sees two girls come into the firehouse in the middle of the night and sends them upstairs, which in the plus 30 years, my dad was in the San Francisco Fire Department.

[373] You were not allowed to go upstairs.

[374] No way.

[375] That wasn't a thing that you could do.

[376] So that quote unquote night receptionist was just a bro fireman being like, oh, why don't you go up to where they're all in their boxers right now.

[377] Oh.

[378] Either he was pranking her or he was pranking the other firefighters.

[379] I think he was pranking everybody at one time where he's like, this is not a life -threatening injury.

[380] We're going to have a little bit of sexy, sexy fun tonight.

[381] Oh, wow.

[382] That's my judgment from afar.

[383] I think you're right.

[384] But if anybody gets married from that group of people.

[385] That's what I was saying is like, I dated him for a few years.

[386] And it's a lovely story.

[387] um okay this is a my final story it's funny but we're entering into a scatological area that we normally never do and i do not encourage nor do i want to read further stories but this one's sneaking through because it's funny okay no we are this is the one time we're like not like send us stories of no no we don't want to hear we all have them i'm sure there's a podcast for that and this is not I think Chona Rae had a shit your pants podcast.

[388] Plenty of scatological content out there for you to peruse and download onto your phone.

[389] Okay.

[390] So this says hometown embarrassing story.

[391] Hello.

[392] So happy you're taking embarrassing stories now as this one is my favorite ever.

[393] And that's a favorite with you.

[394] So I think we're talking to some sort of Brit or Canadian.

[395] Oh.

[396] No. When we were about 16, my best friend was having work done on her house.

[397] It's a Victorian house split over three floors with her room in the bathroom at the top.

[398] She left for school in the morning and her dad reminded her that work was being done on her bathroom and not to use it.

[399] And well and good, but come four o 'clock on the return home from school, there was nothing on my friend's mind apart from evacuating her bell.

[400] Oh, oh.

[401] Deed done, she flushes the toilet and immediately hears her.

[402] dad running up the stairs shouting no shortly after she hears one of the very scouse which i don't know what that means i've never read that word before uh very scouse builder shout what the fuck it's a flying turd oh and it says sorry karen do your best scouse liver puddly an accent honey i don't have one of those we don't got liverpool in our vernacular what are you talking about Scouse hot.

[403] I'm guessing Scout is hot.

[404] Scouse is haughty.

[405] I think Scouse must be a word for that accent.

[406] Oh, okay.

[407] I were asking Liverpool murderinos, please educate us.

[408] Okay, anyway, the builders had taken off the waste pipe to the bathroom and therefore, instead of flushing harmlessly away, her poo flew out at high speed and hit the scaffolding, literally covering the builders in a shower of shit.

[409] Needless to say my friend was mortified and spent the rest of the time the builders were working, trying to avoid ever seeing them.

[410] I would literally crawl out of back window and never go back to that house.

[411] I would blame it on my dad first and foremost.

[412] He was with them.

[413] Oh, he was with them.

[414] It didn't put one of the apprentices off, though, and he still asked dad for her number.

[415] Oh, hell yeah.

[416] Oh, seven red flags.

[417] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right.

[418] I was like, romantic.

[419] He knows everything.

[420] And he's still like, no, it's not that.

[421] Romantic or very specific in terms of interest.

[422] That's right.

[423] Hope you enjoyed the story.

[424] If I ever want to cheer myself up, I think of it for a giggle.

[425] Both my friend and I have been doctors working at the NHS during the pandemic, and we've definitely needed lighthearted stories and your podcast to help us through.

[426] Stay sexy and get your fucking vaccine tea.

[427] awesome tea way to end it we support you and thank you for your work that girl got a date out of it you just don't know you just don't know if you if you can make it here you can make it anywhere you can make it anywhere in liverpool that's the liverpool hello right that's what we there's the Manchester goodbye and there's Liverpool hello and I personally would rather have a Liverpool hello than get head butted or headbutt someone you would rather have shit spray on you than be the recipient of a head butt yes shit this is a hard one of life's great questions would you rather if you yeah would you put you rather but they're not like weird obscure ones there are actual things that have happened to people i would 1 ,000 rather get a headbut than have someone's shit on me i don't think it's a contest in any way one can be washed off just although the memory of it you might get a concussion yes that's that's worse than shit what if it's anywhere near your nose no it isn't oh the shit or the head the broken nose wow i'm firmly on the side of that the shit is the worst thing well this is why this is the only letter that's ever passed the muster of shit is because it actually like started a conversation around the world we're actually starting an important and highly intellectual conversation about head butts and shitting.

[428] The shitting part if you get it on you is okay if you're vaccinated.

[429] Incorrect?

[430] No, you'll be literally spitting for the rest of your life and like hallucinating it and oh my God.

[431] Can I tell you a secret?

[432] And this again is not, it's not shit.

[433] It's this is again not called for what?

[434] Super quick, a bunch of people listen to this podcast.

[435] It's not going to be a secret.

[436] Okay.

[437] I don't know I don't care you do not care I was on like one of the rides like open air rides at Disneyland with like on a date with a boy and I was like 19 yep your head in your hand is correct already and like a kid on the roller coaster in front of us throws up everyone of us behind him which for there are a lot of us get splattered with the most toxic smelling vomit I've ever just hot dog Hot dog, everything you can imagine at fucking the best corn dogs you've ever had, by the way, the secret corn dog cart.

[438] Tell me, truly.

[439] Okay.

[440] And then the ride went on for another what felt like 10 minutes and we're all just sitting there at the end.

[441] And then we went to the front desk, you know, or like the office and we're like, what do we do?

[442] And they're like, well, just give you some free clothes and you can enjoy the rest of your day.

[443] And we were like, that's not what we want to do.

[444] It's in my bra.

[445] Yeah.

[446] No. Do you have any mini mouth bras back there?

[447] Because I bet you don't.

[448] And the smell is inside.

[449] And so like he and I had to like walk to our car take off all our clothes before we get it.

[450] We still dated for like.

[451] That man was Vince Abrel.

[452] That locked it for the two of you.

[453] If you can make it through this, you can make it through anything.

[454] Truly, truly.

[455] Shit.

[456] It was we drove home in silence of horror.

[457] Yeah, the end.

[458] I mean, you think about there's people.

[459] have stories like that where like the date was going great and then it's a thing that's outside of your control or anything and then that's just that for you and that person we've come to a conclusion we've come to a great place which is send us your whole date horror stories date horror stories that could that ended what could have been the greatest love of all oh and or were those are fine too any i love the ones that we read that are like and we've been married for 16 years i love those yes Getting together under the worst circumstances would be a great thing.

[460] Yeah.

[461] Come to the rescue stories.

[462] Yeah.

[463] Well, another great installment of the minisode.

[464] Thank you so much for writing those in and for being a part of it.

[465] If you want more, we have many, many episodes now over on the fan cult, fan cult exclusive stories.

[466] They're all great.

[467] Send doors in on the forum.

[468] Stay sexy.

[469] And don't get murdered.

[470] Goodbye.

[471] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[472] Hi, I'm Dr. Dan, host of Parent Footprint with Dr. Dan, a new podcast on Exactly Right.

[473] I'm a psychologist, author, and father, and I know the key to raising healthy and engaged kids is for us parents to seek the same in our own lives while striving to be the best versions of ourselves every day.

[474] Parent Footprint with Dr. Dan will give you the tools and inspiration to make the world a more loving, accepting, and compassionate place, one parent, one child and one person at a time.

[475] Every Thursday, you will hear honest conversations about being human and contributing to the world in positive ways.

[476] Listeners will find hope that they could be the person they want to be while feeling connected to others on similar journeys.

[477] Some of our most popular show topics include mental health, overcoming anxiety, and increasing resilience.

[478] Tune in to hear interviews with exciting guests, including international parenting expert Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, best -selling authors, K .J. Del Antonia and Jessica Leahy, neurodiverse advocate Jonathan Mooney, and exploding unicorn, one of the most popular and hilarious dads on social media, James Brakewell.

[479] Be sure to listen to the network premiere of Parent Footprint with Dr. Dan on Thursday, June 17th on exactly right, with special guest Georgia Hardstar, co -host of my favorite murder, just in time for Father's Day.

[480] Subscribe now on Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen, and please rate and review if you like what you hear.

[481] Follow us at at Parent Footprint Podcast on Facebook and Instagram and on Twitter at Dr. Dan Peters.

[482] And finally, I will leave you with the guiding question I ask myself every day.

[483] What footprint do you want to leave?