MFM Minisode 312

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] When welcome to my favorite murder.

[2] The minisode.

[3] Here it is.

[4] Here it is.

[5] Email reading time and listening time.

[6] Hey, get your email ears ready, everyone.

[7] Who wants to hear an email?

[8] You go first.

[9] Okay.

[10] The subject line of this email is unsupervised in West Cork.

[11] Hello to all you gorgeous humans, cats, dogs, and mustaches.

[12] For years, I've tried to think of a hometown murder, but I kept coming up short.

[13] Then I realized, if you're looking for stories about parents neglecting their kids in the 90s, I got you covered.

[14] A while ago, my older sister messaged me saying, what would you think of parents leaving their 10 and 12 -year -olds in a bed and breakfast full of strangers completely alone for the weekend?

[15] And I answered, what kind of awful people?

[16] Oh, wait, was that our parents?

[17] And then she went on to remind me about the time that our parents were invited to stay with friends in Skull, West Cork, circa 1991.

[18] We lived in Dublin, but my parents decided they would love to go and sure we'd make a little family holiday out of it.

[19] The catch, though, is that there was no room at the friend's house for us kids to stay.

[20] The obvious solution to this problem was to leave me and my sister in a bed and breakfast for three nights completely alone in the middle of nowhere with only a Simpsons cassette tape and Sweet Valley High Books for company.

[21] The fact that we had to use these shared bathroom down the hall only added to the trauma.

[22] Oh, my God.

[23] I must have blocked out these memories, but according to my sister, we freaked out and as we had no phones, we had to wait until my parents returned the next evening.

[24] They couldn't see what all the fuss was about.

[25] In fact, one of the evenings we all went out to dinner and afterwards, our parents put us in a taxi, back to the bed and breakfast without any parental supervision.

[26] What the fuck?

[27] 10 years old, and the 12 -year -old's in charge, you know, right?

[28] That's me. It's me and my sister.

[29] That's how we lived our whole lives.

[30] Oh, my God.

[31] That's why my sister has so much anxiety because she was a parent from the time she was like four fucking years old.

[32] Picture desolate roads in the pitch darkness.

[33] Yeah.

[34] Anyway, my parents have both passed away in the last few years, so I can't ask them what the hell they were thinking.

[35] They were genuinely good parents, but obviously very naive to the possible dangers.

[36] It would be five years later that Sophie Tuscan de Planteer would be murdered at her holiday, home along those very same dark, desolate roads.

[37] Thanks for all your hard work.

[38] Keep it up.

[39] Stay sexy and always hire a babysitter, Sue, she, her.

[40] Yeah, listen to the podcast, West Cork, if you want to hear about that story.

[41] It's a really great podcast.

[42] Wow.

[43] How scary.

[44] I kind of liked the way Sue put that email together.

[45] Yeah.

[46] It's like kind of funny and whatever.

[47] But then you think about that in terms of how we actually, people who follow true crime, know West Cork for it.

[48] Right.

[49] Oh, holy shit.

[50] They're out in the middle of nowhere.

[51] Yeah.

[52] And there was a murder there.

[53] Oh, my God.

[54] But also, the idea of a shared bathroom.

[55] Like, you cannot.

[56] You're not dropping your kids off.

[57] In a secured hotel room.

[58] You're not.

[59] No. No. Crazy.

[60] All right, this is called a brush with death question mark.

[61] Lighthearted.

[62] It's lighthearted.

[63] Don't worry.

[64] Okay.

[65] Hey, all.

[66] I'm a little behind, but I was listening to a recent episode and it reminded me of a story.

[67] Years ago, I was dating a guy.

[68] I'll call him.

[69] him Steve.

[70] Steve and I had plans to go to his friend's house for a big family friend cookout.

[71] As we were getting ready, we got a terrible call from his friend.

[72] The cookout was off.

[73] That wasn't the terrible news.

[74] Her brother Bob had gotten into a really bad accident on his way to her house to help set up.

[75] She was almost hysterical on the phone but didn't have a lot of information yet.

[76] All she knew was that his car had gone off the road and flipped down a ravine.

[77] He'd been life -flighted to a nearby hospital.

[78] The family was heading over there and she promised to update us as soon as she knew more.

[79] I didn't know Bob at all, but I was absolutely sick with worry.

[80] Fast forward about an hour, she calls and says the cookout is back on and that she would see us soon.

[81] This seemed absolutely insane to me. Didn't she want to be with family?

[82] How could they have a cookout at a time like this?

[83] Steve and I packed up and headed her house, and that's when we got the full story.

[84] As Bob was driving to her house, windows down and jamming to the music, a bee flew into his car.

[85] Bob was deathly allergic to bees.

[86] He panicked and drove his car right off the road, flipping his car five to six times as it tumbled down the hill.

[87] Oh.

[88] He ended up completely upside down, suspended by his seatbelt.

[89] Where seatbelts, everyone?

[90] After a pat down, he realized he was actually completely unhurt.

[91] Amazing, right?

[92] Well, he was unhurt until the bee, pissed off from the ride down the hill, landed on his face, and stung him right in his G .D. cheek.

[93] No. Luckily, someone had seen him drive off the road and had already called 911.

[94] By the time he helped arrived, he was in full anaphylactic shock and had to be lifelighted to the nearest hospital.

[95] That's why he had to be lifelighted.

[96] This is because of a fucking bee.

[97] The whole family showed up to the ER crying and leaning on one another to find out he needed Benadryl.

[98] He was released from the hospital very quickly and wait straight to his sister's house, windows up this time.

[99] We spent the evening celebrating the most expensive antihistamine ever.

[100] Thank you for everything you do.

[101] I won't go on and on, but I hope you know how appreciated you are.

[102] Stay sexy and roll those windows up.

[103] Shannon, she, her.

[104] Shannon, okay, the brother, okay, if I rolled a car five times...

[105] Yeah.

[106] I don't want to go to your barbecue.

[107] No, the barbecue's still off.

[108] I'm sorry, the barbecue's still off.

[109] I would use that as an excuse to not do anything for four years.

[110] Some people like doing things, though.

[111] Isn't that weird?

[112] I know.

[113] But also maybe, I wonder if the brother had some sort of like, because it was a truly near -death experience.

[114] Yeah.

[115] Double near -death experience.

[116] Yeah.

[117] Then maybe he's like, fucking give me a beer.

[118] I want to party and live, live, live.

[119] Because he almost died.

[120] Can you drink on Benadryl?

[121] Give me a beer.

[122] I want to fucking party.

[123] Is beer better on Benadryl?

[124] Is Benadry?

[125] Is Benadry better on beer?

[126] B, B, B, B, B, B, B .O B. B .O B. B. Y -O -O -B.

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[147] Goodbye.

[148] The subject line of this is I followed a stranger into the forest because I'm stupid.

[149] Then it just says, what up, y 'all?

[150] I've written in before about my badass grandma.

[151] So if this is the first of the two that you read, I'm incredibly sorry for the most random story you will ever read.

[152] I've listened to every episode you've ever released, countless hours, days, even weeks, worth of your content.

[153] And if I've learned anything, there are two very important rules to follow as a murdery now.

[154] Number one, stay out of the forest.

[155] Number two, no secondary locations.

[156] And yet, I fucking blew it on both of these, L -O -L.

[157] I have recently taken up mushroom hunting slash foraging slash learning.

[158] Yehaw for neurodivergent hyperfocuses, what a treat.

[159] And I spent a lot of time in the biggest urban park space in North America.

[160] Yesterday, I was at a park that lays parallel to the North Saskatchewan River.

[161] I go there often to let my dog get her zooms out, as well as to look for mushrooms to take pictures of or to take home for identifying.

[162] I came out of the meadow with fresh -picked mushrooms in hand as my dog ran to a couple just ahead who had a puppy.

[163] As I stood at a respectable distance to show that I'm not interested in talking, but I will watch my dog play with your dog.

[164] I love you.

[165] It's literally every time I went to the dog park with George.

[166] You just smile down.

[167] It would just be like staying way back where it's just like super.

[168] Our dogs can be friends.

[169] I do that too.

[170] It's the old I already have enough friends, stamps that you take.

[171] Okay, so they're there with the couple.

[172] And one of the two do not pick up on this social cue and walked up to me and asked, are those mushrooms?

[173] I looked at my hand that was indeed clearly full of mushrooms.

[174] And I said that, yes, these are in fact mushrooms.

[175] This person then asked me the strangest thing, do you hunt asparagus?

[176] What?

[177] Pardon me?

[178] Do I what?

[179] Hunt what?

[180] Asparagus?

[181] I was intrigued.

[182] I responded, asparagus.

[183] Um, no, just mushrooms.

[184] I don't think asparagus grows wild here, does it?

[185] They gasped.

[186] Oh, yes, it does all over this park.

[187] Look.

[188] They showed me their phone of the pins in the map that I was assuming was where they had found asparagus.

[189] Now I was invested.

[190] And this person could tell that I was a little.

[191] massive nerd for weird things growing out of the ground on the account of the fistful of mushrooms that I'd had.

[192] I love it.

[193] They asked, do you want me to show you?

[194] I don't usually offer to strangers because I like to keep my location secret, but I think you'll really find it interesting.

[195] Oh, my God.

[196] You're going to get murdered.

[197] You're the easiest target.

[198] The things I was thinking, as I read this email for the first time, okay, this person asked me not only to follow them into the woods, but follow them into the woods with the promise of secret asparagus.

[199] Any normal person would see this as an obvious red flag, but unfortunately, I'm no normal person and I said, fuck yeah, show me that asparagus.

[200] I followed this absolute stranger into the forest and four seconds into embarking on our asparagus hunt, I realized what a fucking idiot I was for following this person into the woods with the promise of something that's not even cool to most people.

[201] No, I love this.

[202] It's like you're basically, a wood nymph, and I'm totally into it.

[203] You're just a sucker for nature.

[204] Yeah, it's cute.

[205] However, 10 minutes into my journey with them, they shouted that they had found the asparagus and showed me. It was one of the most wild plants I have ever seen, and it was very cool.

[206] I was shocked by how it looked, but also by the fact that there really was an asparagus plant growing, and it wasn't some weird fucking way to lure some nature nerd to their death.

[207] This is the rare occasion that it actually worked out, but it could have easily been some sort of ploy.

[208] Anyways, stay sexy and don't follow strangers into the bush for any reason.

[209] Like Jesus Christ, what was I thinking?

[210] Lennon, they, them.

[211] I like it.

[212] I think on this one occasion I'm going to allow it.

[213] For real.

[214] I honestly thought when I first started reading this, that them saying, do you want to see some secret asparagus was a dick reference.

[215] Oh, I could talk.

[216] So I was like, oh no. Oh, like, they're going to follow this random person into the forest and then they're going to turn and be like, here's your asparagus right here.

[217] I got really excited and was like, I'd go.

[218] I would follow someone for wild asparagus that I could buy in a grocery store, but that just sounds really excited.

[219] And then I wouldn't eat too because I'd be like, I bet this is poisonous.

[220] Yeah, that's, it's, if it's in a public park, it probably has a little bit of DDT on it or some, or just a lot of dog pee.

[221] Dog piss.

[222] That's exactly right.

[223] Yeah.

[224] All right.

[225] Okay, I'm not going to redo the subject.

[226] Oh, but I'm not going to read you the line of that that gives it away, but then it says in the subject line.

[227] Also, you reading the email, you look great.

[228] Have you done something with your hair?

[229] Incredible.

[230] Someone's trying real hard to get their email read and it worked.

[231] To get Alejandra to pick theirs.

[232] That's right.

[233] Okay.

[234] It just starts, hi.

[235] I'm the youngest of five with four older sisters who are always looking out for me to make sure I didn't accidentally kill myself.

[236] We grew up on a farm, so there were always plenty of opportunities.

[237] For this story, I was just a toddler, so personally, I don't remember it at all, but I've heard about it a lot.

[238] Picture it.

[239] Rural Farmhouse, the year is 1999.

[240] Who knows what's going to happen?

[241] I'll tell you.

[242] Two of my sisters, ages 7 and 13, were all ready to go to karate lessons and found me by the broom closet, sucking on a bottle of pine soul.

[243] Not a Zen way to get ready for karate.

[244] They knew my mom had just bought a new bottle of pine soul, and here was one in my wee hands, empty.

[245] Apparently chaos ensued.

[246] Was I going to die?

[247] Someone ran to the barn to get my mom.

[248] Emergency room was discussed.

[249] They took turns spelling my breath while I cried.

[250] Then our mom remembered she had placed the new bottle of Pine Sol in the garage.

[251] So this was the old empty bottle that I had found because we don't throw away perfectly good bottles.

[252] My sisters aren't sure if they still went to karate that night, but they do say that the scent of Pine Stoll still hits different.

[253] Stay sexy and maybe recycle a couple of those poison bottles and maybe also take karate and also maybe don't make cleaning products smell so good.

[254] Morgan from Manitoba.

[255] That's Canada above North Dakota and Minnesota.

[256] Love you.

[257] Bye.

[258] She, her, they, them.

[259] All good.

[260] Thanks for everything you do.

[261] Heart emoji.

[262] What was in the name?

[263] Sorry, Morgan.

[264] Morgan, yeah.

[265] From Manitoba.

[266] That's Canada.

[267] Manitoba hates us.

[268] Manitoba things were dumb, and you know what?

[269] They're right.

[270] They're probably right.

[271] Here's what's funny to me. This smell of pine saul, I think, is so gross, and it's like it's a grammar school bathroom being cleaned is what it smells like to me. So the idea that a baby wants to be closer to that, where it literally is like pine.

[272] Yeah.

[273] Like it's that pine salt.

[274] Yuck.

[275] Keep your mouth away from that.

[276] Okay.

[277] I'm not going to read you the subject line of this.

[278] Hey, I'm FM crew.

[279] At this point, it may be a fever dream, but I'm sure that you asked for geode stories.

[280] So here's my.

[281] No, there's no way, but I love it.

[282] They're sure we asked for geode stories.

[283] But, you know, we could have in that way of, like, geodes look like treasure.

[284] And if you find one or make money off of them, who knows?

[285] I'll take it.

[286] I'll allow it.

[287] Yeah, I mean, all is allowed at this point.

[288] A few months ago, a bunch of our friends went to the river to celebrate my sister's birthday, sunshine, drinks, and a dry riverbed full of rocks.

[289] I instantly thought of the geode TikToks that I'd been seeing lately of people picking up rocks, smashing them open, and finding treasure inside.

[290] Someone suggested that we go for a walk, and I knew this was my time to shine.

[291] Well, on the walk, I spotted it, a round rock with a small crack in it already, jackpot.

[292] I'm a geode hunter.

[293] I excitedly gathered all my friends around me to witness my expertise.

[294] Like the asshole that I am, I go on explaining how you need to hit the rock just right.

[295] It only takes two hard taps.

[296] I'm absolutely losing it as I crack the geode open.

[297] This is it.

[298] Now begins my geology career.

[299] To realize, I am holding and have just cracked open a nugget of petrified poop.

[300] I tried to save face by examining it.

[301] Oh, no. Best follow -up line ever.

[302] Totally.

[303] I tried to save face by examining it and wondering aloud, what animal it could have been from when my sister's friend knocked it out of my hand, suggested I stopped touching shit, and we grab more drinks.

[304] Oh, my God.

[305] Too many white, you'd had too many white claws at that point, I guarantee it.

[306] Yeah.

[307] There's, you're, I mean, luckily, there's a river right there to wash your hands, but holy shit.

[308] Needless to say, my geology career was short -lived.

[309] Thank you for being so open about mental health and for being human, making mistakes, and owning them.

[310] I'm a preschool teacher, and one thing I say with my kids every day is, I am a good kid, I make mistakes, and that's okay, because that's how we learn.

[311] Cough, touching poop, instead of geodes, cough.

[312] Stay sexy and wash your fucking hands, Lee.

[313] I love that.

[314] That's a good one.

[315] That's a good one.

[316] for all the G -O'd stories we ask for G -O'd stories now?

[317] Hey, send us your G -O'd stories.

[318] What did you pick up and think was a G -O'd and put your hands all over and had everybody come and look at it that actually was not?

[319] Okay.

[320] This one, my last one's called The Monster in the Garage.

[321] And it goes, it starts, Stephen!

[322] Hey, y 'all, I've restarted the podcast about two months into quarantine, so I don't know what you're requesting for homes.

[323] town's now, but I thought you might dig this story.

[324] We don't either.

[325] No. My husband and I decided to clean out the garage on a hot day.

[326] We were about halfway through with all our stuff laying around the driveway, and I decided to go inside for a drink.

[327] Well, I was in the kitchen having some water.

[328] Yeah, right, you're having a white claw, and you know it.

[329] My husband, a fairly large, strong man, burst through the back door and said, oh, my God, something's in the garage, and it growled at me. Come outside.

[330] He said he couldn't see whatever it was, but it was in the back of the garage.

[331] and he didn't know what to do or how to get it out.

[332] I walked back outside and grabbed a kayak paddle, ready to fight whatever it was that had scared him and on high alert waiting to be attacked.

[333] After maybe two seconds of silence, I clicked my tongue, hoping to draw out the beast and out from the darkness, trotted.

[334] A basset hound puppy.

[335] Just all wrinkles and ears.

[336] Behind me, I husband say, Are you fucking kidding me?

[337] Karen, a basset hound puppy.

[338] Oh, like there's no cuter puppy on the planet.

[339] Unless he had a Sherlock Holmes hat on.

[340] Oh, my God.

[341] And a little kerchief.

[342] Oh, my God.

[343] A little pipe, little pipe.

[344] The little guy had gotten loose from somewhere and taken refuge in our garage.

[345] He had tags and we were able to reunite him with his owner.

[346] But I'll never let him live down that he was terrified of this little darling and his first instinct was to come ask me to get it.

[347] Thank you for all the laughs and the advice, never stop, Rian.

[348] Rian, that's the best story.

[349] That's it, short and sweet.

[350] Yeah.

[351] And also, how lucky you got a Bassetown puppy stuck in your garage.

[352] You're so lucky.

[353] I know.

[354] I want to.

[355] It's a good omen.

[356] Well, if you have any G -Oed Basset hound, children on their own in the world together.

[357] Yeah.

[358] Stories.

[359] We want to hear them.

[360] That's right.

[361] Please send them my favorite murder at Gmail.

[362] And also stay sexy.

[363] And don't get murdered.

[364] Goodbye.

[365] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[366] This has been an exactly right production.

[367] Our senior producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton.

[368] Our producer is Alejandra Keck.

[369] This episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris.

[370] Our researchers are Marin McClashon and Gemma Harris.

[371] Email your hometowns and fucking hoorays to My Favorite Murder at gmail .com.

[372] Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and Twitter at MyFave Murder.

[373] Goodbye.

[374] Follow My Favorite Murder on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen so you don't miss an episode.

[375] If you like what you hear, rate and review the show.

[376] Visit exactly right store .com to purchase my favorite murder merch.