Deep Dive with Dana Carvey 4

[0] Hello, this is Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend, Deep Dive with Dana Carvey.

[1] Hey, Dana.

[2] Glad to be here, Conan.

[3] It's a six -part mini -series where I, Conan O 'Brien, along with occasional help from my assistant Sonam of Sessian.

[4] Hi.

[5] And my producer, Matt Gourley.

[6] Hi.

[7] Go deep into the weeds with one of my favorite comedians and friends, Dana Carvey.

[8] Enjoy.

[9] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes.

[10] Walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[11] Yes, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[12] Hey, we're here again with one of my favorite people, Dana Carvey.

[13] Hey, Dana.

[14] Dana's stop doing that.

[15] I didn't, I should mention Dana's on a respirator.

[16] Kubrick started it.

[17] Kubrick started it.

[18] This is your, that's your Kubrick homage, is just making a slurpy.

[19] Remember, it's 20 minutes.

[20] He's going out to fix the thing.

[21] 2001, he's outside.

[22] He's fixing the thing and just noises.

[23] Conan needs a friend.

[24] I beg to differ.

[25] I went to State College.

[26] Conan has a friend.

[27] That's called me, Dana Flarfo.

[28] Conan needs more friends.

[29] Is it a little more correct?

[30] Nice.

[31] I like that.

[32] So State College just took me on, huh?

[33] Harvard.

[34] And one.

[35] You were so Harvard.

[36] I hate that.

[37] Everything about you is Harvard.

[38] I hate that.

[39] That's something about myself that I wish nobody knew that I had gone there.

[40] It's become...

[41] Because it doesn't help in comedy.

[42] It just does...

[43] I remembered early on we had a...

[44] No, it doesn't.

[45] What about Jim Downey?

[46] No, no, I know.

[47] Oh, Franken.

[48] No, they're very funny people that went there.

[49] I'm not saying that, but I'm just saying that when people hear that about you, there's an assumption.

[50] Yeah.

[51] It's something you have to Overcome.

[52] Elite.

[53] You have to be much funnier to overcome the sense that people have that you're an asshole.

[54] I think it's elite and privileged.

[55] I want to start with.

[56] Yeah, that really helps with comedy, doesn't it, Jane?

[57] Right.

[58] Well, here's a, you know, we had a warm -up guy early on, and this is back when the late night show was brand new, and we didn't know what we were doing, and we just told the guy who was the announcer, who I believe was in his 60s at the time, and he just had that kind of voice, and he was the announcer.

[59] We had heard that announcers do the voiceover.

[60] So we just told him to do the warm -up for the crowd, and I'd go out there, and the crowd always seemed kind of hostile, and I didn't know what was going on.

[61] And so one day I listened to his warm -up, and he would come out and go, no, I want you all to behave.

[62] Our host, very esteemed, our host went to Harvard, college, and the crowd would be like, what?

[63] He'd be like, he worked very hard, and he wrote a thesis on the American South, and I'm like, what kind of fucking warm -up?

[64] The crowd was, you know, he's never worked.

[65] on this day in his life, please welcome a real prick, Conan O 'Brien.

[66] The spoiled privilege.

[67] We were talking about that a minute earlier just about when I go to mics and stuff and it's very nice but young comedians will introduce me and it's just so much wind up the clown pressure, you know, ladies and gentlemen you're in for a treat this man brings it every time he shows up.

[68] You know him, he's part of your childhood.

[69] Is there anyone funnier?

[70] Dan!

[71] Oh, Farfo!

[72] You know, and I haven't know.

[73] Why do you say Carvey?

[74] Why do you say Farfo?

[75] Because no one got my name right in my entire early career.

[76] It was like Dana Garnie, Donna Carno.

[77] Well, they know it now.

[78] You got to get over that.

[79] They know your name is Dana Farfo.

[80] Dana.

[81] But you know what I love is people think they're doing you a favor, but he's like, we're going to bring out Dana.

[82] And I defy you to find one second.

[83] It's not the funniest thing you've ever heard.

[84] And if you do, feel free to shout.

[85] How'd a racist insults us.

[86] He'll make you shit your pants and be glad about it.

[87] Bring him out, Danna Flarfo.

[88] It's Carvey for Christa.

[89] Going to names, I think you might appreciate this.

[90] Not hysterical, but I love the modern Dracula.

[91] We all, we sometimes people grew up with Bella Lagosie.

[92] Yeah.

[93] I'm Dracula.

[94] Yeah.

[95] So then the modern Dracula is like the Euro -Trash trench coat in the cool haircut.

[96] Yes, he got cooler.

[97] And they're like, who are you?

[98] Who are you?

[99] They're scared, and they say, I'm Dracul.

[100] Yes.

[101] From Dracula to Dracool.

[102] You're doing the, what's his name?

[103] Oh, my friend.

[104] Gary Oldman.

[105] Gary Oldman.

[106] Yeah, my friend from the Oscars.

[107] Yes, the Gary Oldman.

[108] Dracool.

[109] Yeah, he was like, I'm Vlad, Dracul.

[110] And how do you spell that?

[111] D -A -R -A -C -U -L -A.

[112] Well, why is it so cool?

[113] I don't know.

[114] It's just Dracul.

[115] This is what I do.

[116] I talk like that.

[117] Dracud.

[118] I'm a dracula man. Let me do this for you.

[119] Because I realize a lot of my stuff is because I'm passive aggressive, nice guy, and damage from my childhood.

[120] So I do these aggressive things.

[121] I've known that about you ever since the day I met you.

[122] Well, when did you meet me?

[123] Did you write it down in a calendar?

[124] I'm so sorry.

[125] There it is again.

[126] But I love these movies.

[127] It's the late 19th century, the Science Symposium in London.

[128] And the guy is out, the scientist is up there.

[129] and of all of his peers, is like, well, I propose that mankind is actually descendant from a monkey.

[130] And then you hear all the hubbub and the guy's stuff.

[131] Oh, poppy cock.

[132] And then they always say, what you suggest is nothing short of madness, which I love.

[133] You offend man and God himself.

[134] And before they leave, they always say, Good day to you, sir.

[135] Which I, is basically, fuck you, sir.

[136] So I use that.

[137] It was their version of it.

[138] It was their version of fuck you, You go to a laundromat.

[139] We don't have your jacket ready.

[140] Well, you suggest there's nothing short of madness.

[141] You offend Madden God himself.

[142] Good day to you, madam.

[143] And one other thing.

[144] Oh, fuck you.

[145] And fuck you, madam.

[146] It's good.

[147] Literally.

[148] Let's fornicate.

[149] Here, on the floor.

[150] Fuck me, madam.

[151] So that makes me happy because I'm passive -rogressive, nice guy.

[152] We're such a strange guy.

[153] Okay, let's talk about...

[154] Well, because it makes my brain.

[155] happy.

[156] Everything I do, I know it's redundant for people who are fans of these miniature podcast, but I like repetition.

[157] No. Makes my brain happy.

[158] You know, let's assume not everybody listens to everyone, because studies have shown that they...

[159] Aw.

[160] No, studies have shown they listen to one and they decide I'll never do that again, but that's fine.

[161] Right.

[162] One of the things that I've known you for such a long time, I met you I think in 1988.

[163] Yes.

[164] And I remember standing in the writer's room at Saturday Night Live when you walked in with Kevin Neal and you were immediately, incredibly nice and funny and generous and sweet to me. Why not?

[165] Yeah, but...

[166] I felt you were no threat.

[167] I go, well, here's another guy off the bus.

[168] It looks like I'll be in the cold opening for a long time to come.

[169] You probably did, but you know what's funny.

[170] He came out and said, I'm from Harvard.

[171] I did not.

[172] I know.

[173] Go ahead.

[174] But I've always loved that you are a very nice person, but you've got that you've got that thing inside that you are, you have this inner aggression, you have this inner anger and it comes out in the funniest ways.

[175] Like you torment people, like you used to just torment John Lovitz all the time.

[176] I know.

[177] You'd torment John Lovitz.

[178] But he loved it.

[179] I won't, you know, John and I had this, we acknowledged the competition that we were in.

[180] Because he always wanted to be, he was worried that you would surpass him as a star and you would get in his brain and fuck with him and fuck with him and fuck with him and fuck with him.

[181] And he kind of would love it.

[182] I'd say, John, your only job is to figure out if there's anything in the world of show business that I can't do.

[183] So he sees me up there doing the drum solo as a church lady and goes, he's right, what can't he do?

[184] So I would tease him like that.

[185] And then when he left the show and he's doing movies, well, I just like to do my sketches in front of 20 million people.

[186] But that's just me. I'm a nut that way.

[187] And it used to drive him crazy.

[188] But John would come back at me. It wasn't just like he's in the corner crying.

[189] He loved that.

[190] No, you guys had a very fun.

[191] It was fun to watch you.

[192] We were laughing our ass off.

[193] You would torment him.

[194] He would try to torment you, but you would always come out on top.

[195] That's what I remember.

[196] And he wanted me to come out on top.

[197] As Jeff Bridges said at the Golden Globes, we're alive, man. We're alive!

[198] Greatest exception speech I've ever seen.

[199] Cece would be the Miller Ward.

[200] We're alive, man. No cannabis had reached his brain.

[201] That's just who he is.

[202] So he's constantly.

[203] excited that he's alive.

[204] I've talked to people who do movies with him, and at the end, they go in his trailer, and I don't know if there's a couple drinks or whatever.

[205] They hold hands, and they bounce up and down, and he goes, we're not dead yet.

[206] We're not dead yet.

[207] We're alive, man. Jeff Bridges does this.

[208] This is what I heard.

[209] Are we in for a lawsuit?

[210] We're alive, man, Conan.

[211] Don't future trip.

[212] Be here now, dude.

[213] You're with me. Have a Dana Burger.

[214] I don't know where it's coming from.

[215] But no, but what a nice outlook he has.

[216] I know.

[217] I love him.

[218] I think he's brutal.

[219] And, you know, and the times I've run into him, just out in the world, he is that guy.

[220] He's really happy to see you.

[221] He's really happy eating the sandwich he's eating.

[222] He's really happy.

[223] You feel it.

[224] With the pigeon that just flew by.

[225] It's all good.

[226] Yeah, I had some colomori a little while back, and then I had some teeter topped about 300 of them, dip him in the hot sauce.

[227] I don't know where he used the ketchup or eat the hot sauce.

[228] Then I had some banana chip.

[229] and many Kit Kat bars from painting them a nam and sort of a dub bar 50 -50 that's half vanilla half orange sherbert that's a good old bar you know what people can't see I have to rub my stomach to do that fridges you are and you're not even rubbing your stomach you're rubbing under your nipples sort of it's kind of where you'll get this one more and get a bar down there I always tell people and I've done this this piece we all live in this world of like we're living these crazy lives and we see people on Instagram and they're normally celebrities on yachts you know And they're partying.

[230] And even though I'm a millionaire, I mean, I'm incredibly rich.

[231] So if I levitate the room today or play to dead silence has no effect on my life at all, I just drive home, to be honest.

[232] Sure.

[233] Yeah, that's between us.

[234] I'll never get out.

[235] But I always say this.

[236] If you look at a celebrity and you're jealous, remember one thing.

[237] Celebrities have kidneys.

[238] And kidneys can fail.

[239] That's your big revelation?

[240] That was my big revelation, because I see someone, I'm so jealous.

[241] Oh, they got organs.

[242] and maybe they are not going to be operational all the time.

[243] It's a little dark.

[244] Yeah, it's very dark.

[245] Well, isn't that special.

[246] I'm going to throw in one of those every 8 .2 minutes.

[247] Do you still, is that the one you get requested?

[248] After all these years, do people still want to hear church lady?

[249] Church lady, Garth, chopping broccoli, George Bush, Sr., occasionally Ross Perot, from my senior with snow on the top crowd.

[250] I did a little club the other night, and I got chopping broccoli and the church lady.

[251] And so that would be an older crowd that likes that, or young kids go forward.

[252] too.

[253] Now that there's YouTube, they see that stuff, right?

[254] Yeah.

[255] There's my former assistant, Julie May, her son saw my 97 special, anyway, where I do a grumpy old man as a baby.

[256] Like, when you have a little toddler, it's like you're being, it's like you've adopted a hundred -year -old man, you know?

[257] Yeah, don't, don't try going to a movie, because pretty soon I'm going to start crying.

[258] And so now the kid is using that against his parents.

[259] He's like seven.

[260] I'm going to start crying.

[261] But I'm always flattered, like I was saying a minute ago, the only thing worse than having people yell out your hits is not having hits.

[262] I know.

[263] Let's let that settle.

[264] We don't have to rush this.

[265] I know.

[266] I know.

[267] But life is good.

[268] I had a friend who's like, his favorite expression is it's all good, man. It's all good.

[269] I go, is it all good?

[270] Really?

[271] Isn't some of it kind of a shit show?

[272] And he just says it's all good?

[273] Now let me guess.

[274] Is he from Southern California?

[275] or Arizona, one of those places where it was always warm.

[276] Sorry, is that, did I offend you?

[277] Did I offend someone?

[278] I thought maybe I offended.

[279] No, both of us.

[280] Well, Sona.

[281] Both Matt and I are from Southern California.

[282] Yeah, you're both from Southern California and you both.

[283] Shallow.

[284] Sona, yeah.

[285] In the shallow, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[286] I'm sorry, it's just that we did it before.

[287] It's a funny song.

[288] In the shallow, la la la. But is that true, Sona, is it true that you have more of a, hey man, it's all good attitude?

[289] And I'm from Boston.

[290] And no one has it, it's all good attitude.

[291] We all think it's bad.

[292] You make me happy I'm not from Boston.

[293] Cynicism is a comic gift show.

[294] And maybe you need someone to counteract that.

[295] That's probably why you guys work so well together.

[296] Do we work well together?

[297] Yeah, I think so.

[298] Hey, I read some of the reviews and they mentioned the chemistry between you three.

[299] That's nice.

[300] I noticed.

[301] I've been starting to listen to the episodes.

[302] It's combusted.

[303] Wait, you've only started listening to them now.

[304] I don't listen or see anything.

[305] I'm like, I'm just watched this.

[306] Pranos or 2001, I don't really...

[307] So you don't know what I've been up to since I left Starnet Live in 91.

[308] Not in particular.

[309] So, Conan, what you've been up to?

[310] It was masturbating bear.

[311] Yeah.

[312] And now you're here.

[313] Yeah, exactly.

[314] Yeah.

[315] No one's produced more comedy.

[316] You just think I'm a Simpsons writer that has a podcast.

[317] I love you.

[318] I love you in this platform, in this vehicle.

[319] If I was a talent manager, I would say that Conan has many skill sets.

[320] You know, my name is Sammy Snockner.

[321] And Conan O 'Brien can operate on a lot of different platforms that you can monetize.

[322] And this is one area that I think there could be some real monosentat.

[323] Do you think I could, is there other areas I could get into?

[324] You know, can you sing kid?

[325] Can you sing with a guitar?

[326] We could monetize you there on the platform.

[327] I can sing a little bit.

[328] Button up your overcoat when the wind blows free.

[329] Take good care of yourself.

[330] You belong to me. Ode, Ode, oh, de, lo.

[331] Yeah, what do you think?

[332] I love it.

[333] What would the manager go?

[334] I thought the manager was going to want me or not want me. You know, we always like to monetize talent.

[335] You know, like with Elvis, he was a good -looking kid and we monetized in the best way we can.

[336] With Conan O 'Brien, I think there's many platforms, many platforms and ways to exploit him, if you will, monetarily.

[337] One of them is a podcast because he's witty.

[338] He's got a self -deplicating wit that just falls right.

[339] It's like tomatoes out of a truble.

[340] truck you understand and he's got a tomato because he looks like a tomato right frankly there's an orangish thing about him that's sort of a pale reddish tomato vibe about him but I love to monetize Conan you know what's the Conoco and all the videos from 1991 are still making coin they're still making money the kids are rediscovering this guy can I ask you this guy sounds like he has a ham an uncooked ham in his larynx there's an uncooked ham in his larynx that he can't get dislodged He came in here, Conan, and is sitting next to me. Sammy, you're hogging my mic, please.

[341] Well, I didn't mean to hug you, Mike.

[342] I just want to say a little to Conan.

[343] I was here, and I'm here with...

[344] Her name's Sona.

[345] No, I was thinking I'm going to do what I call it one of these short -form, you know, history of Hollywood podcasts with Mark Gervitz and other people.

[346] We're going to talk about, you know, how the business has changed and platforming and, you know, sort of what you would call, You know what you, when you just name dropped, when you just name dropped Mark Flervitz.

[347] Mark Gervitz, you know who you pleased?

[348] No one.

[349] I couldn't think my brain went dead.

[350] Hey, he just name -checked Mark Gervitz.

[351] He's a good, he's great.

[352] He's your agent, right?

[353] Agent or manager?

[354] Oh, man, what's the difference?

[355] I don't know.

[356] I got my 10 percenters.

[357] Are you frightened of life, Conan?

[358] No, I'm not.

[359] You're not frightened, really.

[360] You don't have any fear of flying.

[361] Like, I'm terrible.

[362] I am very good at, I think, giving it up to the higher authority.

[363] I'll try.

[364] Meaning, you know what?

[365] It frightens me, to be honest, and this isn't a bit.

[366] Things that are within my control frighten me. But things that are out of my control, I'm pretty good at saying, I don't know if that engine of that plane falls off that I'm on.

[367] What would I possibly do about it?

[368] And I do actually think a lot about how I, as long as I'm not blamed, meaning at my funeral, if people say, hey, it wasn't his fault, I'm okay.

[369] Yeah.

[370] But if it was my fault, then my death would be a great shame.

[371] So you should never get your pilot's license because then they're ostensibly if the pilots passed out.

[372] Yeah, I would not get a pilot's license.

[373] I was just thinking, and again, this goes back to me being a baby boomer, but a friend and I once talked about fear.

[374] And really, I said that the movie star John Wayne, his character, which is iconic, what I loved about it was not only was the character never afraid, he was furious at the idea of having any fear.

[375] And that's where I'd want to get to.

[376] Like, not even just, you know, so it would be like him and Walter, Brandon, you know, we got to, well, Duke, we got to take the submarine down.

[377] We can't, it's going to explode, Duke.

[378] I said, take her down, pappy.

[379] But, Duke, we won't survive.

[380] I said, take her down.

[381] You'll take her down, pappy.

[382] I mean, just, right, right.

[383] I want to be that.

[384] But just accept, but he doesn't even accept for a second that I know, You know, John Wayne doesn't say, I know it's risky.

[385] No. I know it's risky, and we could lose our lives.

[386] He's angry.

[387] He's angry at the idea of fear.

[388] Well, there's 10 ,000 Indians and two of us, Duke.

[389] I said attack, Pappy.

[390] You'll attack.

[391] And then we went to John Wayne as the Pope.

[392] Sometimes I got doubts, Duke.

[393] You'll believe what I tell you to believe, Pappy.

[394] You know, you'll believe, and I'll show you to believe.

[395] But how do we know that God really exists?

[396] You'll just believe what I tell you.

[397] He exists, Pappy.

[398] Don't make me do what I did last time.

[399] But he never says what that is.

[400] Don't make me do it again, Pappy.

[401] Badook, I'm scared.

[402] I'm scared.

[403] It's just, wait for it really is.

[404] The body and blood of Christ?

[405] Do you think it really is?

[406] Well, I think so.

[407] Hey, a little doubt came in.

[408] A little doubt came in.

[409] So you have a problem with transubstantiation, eh?

[410] Transnstantiation.

[411] You're head in a minute, Conan.

[412] Yeah, it's weird.

[413] You're the Pope, and you can't say transubstantiation.

[414] That's really strange to me. Isn't it cool that the Pope is really worried about poor people, and I think he sincerely is, but he lives in a billion -dollar house?

[415] That's just fun.

[416] Oh, yeah.

[417] And also, everything he owns and sits on is bejeweled.

[418] Everything, everywhere.

[419] Encrusted with jewels.

[420] See, were you raised Catholic, right?

[421] Oh, my God, yeah.

[422] Super Catholic.

[423] So was my wife.

[424] I was raised Lutheran, where I, it's not even a joke.

[425] when I was in there, I could tell that most people pretty much didn't believe it.

[426] Like, even the hymns were kind of agnostic.

[427] Oh, believe if you believe.

[428] I'll believe if you believe.

[429] On Sunday, I believe.

[430] By Wednesday I have doubts.

[431] It's Sunday I believe again.

[432] Oh, I'll believe if you believe, oh yeah.

[433] Oh, I'll believe if you believe, oh yeah.

[434] Oh, I'll believe if you believe, oh, yeah.

[435] Oh, I'll believe if you believe.

[436] I'll all believe if you believe it.

[437] I'll believe in.

[438] You believe a solo.

[439] Oh, I have doubts, but I don't care.

[440] The other day I lost my underwear.

[441] This song is no longer about faith.

[442] I'm ruining Dana's bit.

[443] I'm being very silly.

[444] I'm a shit.

[445] No more stinking thinking from Conan.

[446] You're great and you know it going homin.

[447] What?

[448] Going homin.

[449] You're from the northeast.

[450] I got some yeast in my crotch and groaning in my Well, that's all the time we have today, it's true.

[451] My favorite lunch in school was beef au -jou.

[452] Sorry.

[453] Is this an episode already?

[454] This is an episode.

[455] You know, we wasted a lot of time.

[456] Did I?

[457] Huh?

[458] Oh, but I had my plans in my papers.

[459] I've got my paper.

[460] This is Dana.

[461] He has a paper that looks like he's had it for about 40 years.

[462] And he's written all these crazy little bits he wants to do.

[463] And you know what?

[464] He's afraid of just letting go and improvising in the moment.

[465] Well, some people have so many.

[466] They need to categorize them.

[467] Others, their notepads are empty, barren.

[468] A crutch can help you, but a crutch can help you.

[469] Who can go higher on this character?

[470] I can get help.

[471] We're alive, man. That's all I know.

[472] Oh, Joe.

[473] We got to end every podcast with Jeff Bridges, just reminding us that we're alive.

[474] We're alive, man. Let's just be like a button that you push.

[475] And this has been Conan Flindyman.

[476] All right.

[477] I'm here with Dana Carvey.

[478] That's the end of our little mini episode.

[479] Tune in for another one.

[480] We're having a lot of fun, and no one's getting hurt.

[481] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend, with Sonam of Sessian and Conan O 'Brien as himself.

[482] Produced by me, Matt Goreley, executive produced by Adam Sacks and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

[483] Special thanks to Jack White for the theme song.

[484] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[485] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and, The show is engineered by Will Bechton.

[486] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review featured on a future episode.

[487] Got a question for Conan?

[488] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[489] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[490] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[491] This has been a Team Coco production.

[492] Association with Earwolf.