#2187 - Adam Sandler

[0] Joe Rogan podcast, checking out.

[1] The Joe Rogan Experience.

[2] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[3] I'm so happy to be here, buddy.

[4] Thanks for you.

[5] I'm happy to have you here.

[6] I was excited to see you.

[7] We know each other a long time.

[8] And I was excited to come to Austin, of course.

[9] We were just talking about how Zookeeper was 14 years ago.

[10] I was shocking.

[11] Like, how?

[12] How?

[13] I know.

[14] I hate that.

[15] Time just fucking flies by, man. It's terrible.

[16] It's terrible.

[17] That was a fun time, though.

[18] Oh, yeah.

[19] K .J. was so excited.

[20] It was very fun.

[21] That was very fun.

[22] Yeah.

[23] You and KJ.

[24] was sussie.

[25] Yeah.

[26] That's how you guys.

[27] I've known Kevin for 30 -something years.

[28] Yeah.

[29] Known him forever.

[30] It's funny because even your stand -up, my watch your stand -up the other night.

[31] You guys remind me of each other.

[32] There's something, something.

[33] You take your time on stage, you set it up, you say your shit, and you live in it, like, it's, it's not the same, but you guys, you can tell you guys a buddy, says something about it.

[34] That's, that's, that's, you feel like, everybody feels like, I fucking, I would hang out with that guy.

[35] It's cool.

[36] But did you and KJ start stand up together, or have that?

[37] Well, we didn't start together exactly.

[38] I started in Boston.

[39] He started in New York, but I met him when I was like, I guess two years in, about two years in.

[40] Where?

[41] Where did you guys meet?

[42] In New York.

[43] At the Strip or something?

[44] I think we met at Eastside.

[45] East Side.

[46] I don't think I did...

[47] That's downtown?

[48] No. Eastside Comedy Club was on Long Island.

[49] Oh, yeah.

[50] I used to go.

[51] That was in...

[52] Huntington.

[53] Yeah, yeah.

[54] That was a great club.

[55] That was Richie Mannervini's place.

[56] That's right.

[57] That's Mannervini.

[58] Now, that's a funny bastard.

[59] Yeah, he's a funny dude.

[60] I first...

[61] One of the first comedy clubs I watched...

[62] I think I saw Carol Leaf.

[63] at the East Side Comedy Club.

[64] My sister lived in Huntington.

[65] And she said, do you want to go see a...

[66] It wasn't my first, but it was like first couple.

[67] She said, do you want to see a comedian?

[68] There's a club around here.

[69] I said, yeah, yeah.

[70] And I sat in the back.

[71] I think I might have been like 15 or something.

[72] 16.

[73] And I saw Carol Lefer kill for like an hour, I think.

[74] That was exciting.

[75] That club was rocking.

[76] Yeah, it's gone, though, right?

[77] Are there good clubs in Long Island now?

[78] Like, what's that?

[79] Well, geez, man. I don't know what's happening.

[80] There was always governors that always existed.

[81] Yes.

[82] I remember there was a few bars that were comedy clubs that I used to do there.

[83] I just don't remember the names right now.

[84] But back in the day when I was young, I would go out to the island.

[85] Governors, I don't think I got on there much, maybe a couple times when I was young.

[86] That was kind of a rocking club.

[87] Oh, yeah.

[88] Steve -O.

[89] Was it Steve.

[90] Do you remember Steve O?

[91] No. I know Steveo, the jackass guy.

[92] Jackass guy.

[93] No, there was another guy, Steveau, it was a funny comic in that.

[94] John Mulroney, you remember, Mulroney?

[95] Sure, yeah.

[96] I remember he was kind of huge out there.

[97] He used to be a cop, right?

[98] I think so.

[99] Yeah.

[100] I think so.

[101] He was, I remember Mulroney was by far, him and Kevin Meaney with the two guys you didn't want to go after.

[102] I remember Mulroney would just destroy a room.

[103] He was so loose and would dominate the room.

[104] And then they bring you up, and you're like, oh, good.

[105] Goodness gracious.

[106] I saw Kevin Meaney once at Catch Rising Star in Cambridge.

[107] And it was insanity.

[108] He was at his peak, absolute peak.

[109] I wasn't even thinking about doing comedy then.

[110] I was just a comedy fan.

[111] And I went with a friend of mine from high school.

[112] I think we were both like 18.

[113] And we went and we saw him just fucking destroy for an hour to the point where I got out of there.

[114] It was like I had an ab workout.

[115] I was in pain.

[116] Yes, yes, yes.

[117] I was like, Jesus Christ.

[118] Yes, I know.

[119] He was so in the groove.

[120] Like, everything he did was funny.

[121] I, man, and I've never in my life killed as hard as given me. I mean, there's nobody you can kill.

[122] I remember me and Rock would be on the side at Catcher Rising Star watching Meanie do whatever he did.

[123] And you were just like, yeah, I don't think I can get laughs that loud.

[124] It fucking blew out the room every time.

[125] He was on fire.

[126] It was on fire.

[127] But it was weird.

[128] it's like it didn't sustain like he later in his career for whatever reason it just the whatever he had for those few years like in the 80s in the early 90s it didn't keep going for some strange he kept doing stand -up but something was missing i don't know what it was did he he i know we killed on the tonight show with cars and i'm sure oh yeah destroyed and did I don't know what he wanted.

[129] I don't know what the next thing he wanted.

[130] I just remember.

[131] Maybe didn't he do a TV show, Uncle Buck?

[132] Yeah, but that was not that good.

[133] You know, that was the John Candy movie.

[134] That they turned into a television show.

[135] And I think, you know, there was always the thing that he was in the closet, and then he came out of the closet, and then it was kind of like right before he died.

[136] I'll tell you, I did a Boston Club Comedy Connection when I was 17.

[137] I ate it.

[138] I came off state.

[139] I mean, I bombed and my dad was there watching.

[140] It was a terrible feeling.

[141] And even the emcee who I don't remember when I came off stage, after eating it, I'm walking, you know that awful feeling of walking through the crowd?

[142] And they're looking at you like, Jesus, dude.

[143] And then the fucking MC stopped me. He goes, Adam, Adam.

[144] And I turn around, you know, with your head spinning and shit.

[145] I go, you know, I look at the guy, he goes, class clown.

[146] And I go, I nod my head like, yes.

[147] And he goes, maybe stick with that place.

[148] Pah, laughing there.

[149] So I go, okay.

[150] You know, I fucking walked off.

[151] And then I went into the dressing room because I wanted to hide.

[152] And Meanie, Meanie, you funny kid, blah, blah, blah.

[153] I said some nice shit to me. I always remembered, oh, that can't of me. He fucking good dude, man. He was lifting me up.

[154] Yeah, some encouragement from a real comedian when you're just starting out can go a long way.

[155] Yeah, man. Because in the beginning, it's so shaky.

[156] You don't know if it's going to work out.

[157] Yes, yes, yes.

[158] Oh, you go home at night, head spinning.

[159] What am I doing to myself?

[160] Why am I doing this?

[161] Yes, yes.

[162] It's fucking insane.

[163] It truly is the sickest feeling.

[164] And then there's the days or nights you go on stage and your shit.

[165] You're not doing good.

[166] You're eating it, but you have a confidence.

[167] And you're like, I'm pretty good at this.

[168] Even though I'm fucking eating it.

[169] Right.

[170] I feel pretty good right now.

[171] You feel like this is, I'm going to figure this out.

[172] You're right.

[173] Exactly.

[174] I'm going to figure it out.

[175] Yeah.

[176] Your movies kept my family.

[177] saying through the beginning of the pandemic.

[178] We went on Adam Sandler run where like we watched basically every, the only one we didn't watch as little Nicky.

[179] For whatever reason, we never got to that one.

[180] Because we watched other ones like two or, I watched the Zoan.

[181] I might have just seen the Zohant 20 times.

[182] Wow.

[183] I fucking love that movie.

[184] Thank you.

[185] Yeah, yeah.

[186] It's such a funny movie.

[187] Why didn't you ever do a second one?

[188] That's fucking always talked about it.

[189] I mean, dude.

[190] It's a no -brainer.

[191] It would be a little tough sell now.

[192] Right now.

[193] we'd have to wait a minute put that one on the shelf for a little bit we had to put that one on the shelf a bunch of times when we were about to do it because shit would go on we'd be like maybe it's a tough time to do it right now and then we just we got it we did it the intention was good to try to say let's try to get some peace out there but and then another part of it is I'll never fucking be in that shape again I don't think I could ever do that and then you're going to hire a trainer I know but I I can't stick with it, buddy.

[194] You are doing great.

[195] How the fuck are you eating so good and hitting it so hard?

[196] I'm like, you know, I used to fucking take working out so serious when I was in maybe up to like 25, 26.

[197] And now I can't fucking do it.

[198] I play hoop.

[199] Then I eat.

[200] And I, even while, every time I'm eating, I'm going, what are you doing, man?

[201] You don't need to do this.

[202] I can't stop.

[203] Just got a little bit of thickness all over.

[204] Yeah, it's something that just.

[205] you have to stay on the horse you can't back off at all especially as you get older you back off at all you just start what is this you start feeling this thing oh my god i know i have a new i know buddy well you fucking walk in now and i go jesus that'd be fun to look like that i always fucking wanted to be i had i had no shit when i was 18 to 23 i hit it so hard i never looked like you i never was jack you look good during the zohan Pretty good Really good Pretty fucking good That was as good as I can get And I naturally had A little something going on When I was real Like the college years But that now it's fucking rough My kids go My daughter One daughter Sadie's always saying Dad Get the train from the Zohan Why would you ever give that up Why did you stop?

[206] I was like Ah it's a lot of work Yeah but didn't you like The way you felt Yeah yeah Well you should do that Get that feeling back And stuff like that but I just can't jump in there.

[207] Well, she sounds like a good coach.

[208] She's good, yeah, she's, she's a good motivator.

[209] Saying the right thing.

[210] Staying the right stuff.

[211] She's right.

[212] Everything she says, I have a thought where I don't promise her.

[213] I go, let me think about that.

[214] That's a good idea.

[215] The whole thing is just not overdoing it in the beginning.

[216] Start and slow where it's maintainable and then slowly build up.

[217] That's the key.

[218] So you give yourself new goals?

[219] Well, I never stop.

[220] But, I mean, when you get started.

[221] Yeah.

[222] Yeah, and the thing is, like, people try to go too hard, like, oh, my God, I'm out of shape.

[223] I'm going to run fucking 10 miles, then I'm going to lift weights, and then you're too tired.

[224] And then you're so fucking sore in the morning, like, I can't keep this up.

[225] The whole key is just give your body enough where it's pushing it, but it's not exhausted.

[226] You're not breaking your body down.

[227] You're just strengthening it slowly.

[228] You've got to get sick the same way, or you've got to get better the same way you got sick, right?

[229] You got sick over time.

[230] Yeah.

[231] Over time eating food and fucking up.

[232] And then you got to get better that way.

[233] Over time, slowly start to morph your body back into a good condition.

[234] That's good.

[235] I like that.

[236] Everybody tries to go too hard.

[237] They try to go too crazy.

[238] They do something unsustainable.

[239] You get excited to get it going again.

[240] And then you get injured.

[241] You break yourself down.

[242] You hurt your knees.

[243] You hurt your back.

[244] It's like it's too much.

[245] Yeah.

[246] The key is just not do too much.

[247] Just do enough and just cut back on you say, I'm going to only have two cheat days a week.

[248] Two days a week, I'm going to eat whatever the fuck I want.

[249] Five days a week, I'm going to eat clean.

[250] And then break it down to six days a week I'm going to eat clean.

[251] And one day a week, I'm going to fuck off.

[252] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[253] If you could go one day a week just fucking off, you can get a lot done.

[254] That's amazing.

[255] The fuck off day is from start to finish.

[256] You can do whatever you want.

[257] Do whatever you want.

[258] One day.

[259] And then the other days, the good days, what are you, like, do you eat a breakfast and all that shit?

[260] Yeah, sure.

[261] Yeah.

[262] Yeah.

[263] I skip breakfast lately.

[264] That's my new move of the last year.

[265] Like intermittent fasting?

[266] I guess so, but I'm supposed to fucking, you know, lock in on eight hours or six hours.

[267] And I always say I do one to nine, say.

[268] Then around fucking ten, I go, let me have some grapes.

[269] And then I go, I think I'm not supposed to have grapes.

[270] And then I go, I have a few grapes.

[271] And then it opens up to some other shit.

[272] Grapes aren't the problem.

[273] The grapes lead to some bad shit.

[274] Grapes leave to waffles.

[275] Fucking skinny cow.

[276] That's the new thing.

[277] Skinny cow ice cream sandwiches in the house.

[278] start a little problem for me what are skinny cow they're supposed to be a little better for you because the calories aren't awful i think it's like 1 30 so i go 1 30 usually they're fucking like 3 30 so then i eat two two of them i go it's still under that 3 30 then i go if i have a third it's still in the threes so i eat a third and then i fucking go i got to stop yeah if you want you really want to be serious about thinking just hire somebody you got money i got the best guy The guy who did me for the Zohan, and I love him.

[279] It's just, I see him, and I love him so much that I go, let's keep this a friendship.

[280] I don't want to.

[281] I play so much basketball, though.

[282] That keeps me okay.

[283] It doesn't want me to take my, I don't want to take my shirt off, but I don't.

[284] How often do you play?

[285] Maybe four or five a week where I get out there and run for a lot.

[286] That's pretty good.

[287] That's very good.

[288] That's very.

[289] That's a key.

[290] If you could do something that you really enjoy.

[291] doing you know if you something that keeps you active that you enjoy that that makes it so much easier because you're playing a game so you're getting fit for sure in the middle of a game exciting like you don't you don't hate that at all that is the best I think that's the only thing I got that you you you fight that that's fucking fun right martial arts are fun yeah martial arts of fun KJ always fought I never even thought one time KJ we left a hotel and I think he just came from fighting with one of the guys who were teaching him some shit and he uh was so riled up from it put me in some fucking crazy hold all out of nowhere we were walking we were going to dinner all of a sudden he came at me i was like holy shit and he fucking grabbed me twist me around had me in some weird hold i said oh okay he's just letting me know he can destroy me but uh but i remember just going yeah that's that's fucking something i should get into man but i just can't i'm not flexible at all you're very flexible yeah that helps well i'd start stretching before I hit puberty that's the big thing or during puberty really so it's like while your body's thickening you know you're you're keeping it loose and that buddy's a giant difference I never I by the way KJ would be in flexible is very odd he can put the hands yeah he's fucking weirdly he's a very athletic guy he just eats like a fucking army he does get excited he I sometimes when we were young I say tell me your McDonald's order and he'd be like Okay, three -go -to -bounders, three Big Macs.

[292] Whatever to fuck, he goes hard.

[293] His McDonald -Lorder is insane.

[294] Kevin go hard.

[295] But, like, he also, when he was on a podcast, he told me he fasted once for.

[296] How many days are he fasted for?

[297] Yes, 60 -something -er!

[298] Yeah, some insane amount of day.

[299] It was like 40 days or something like, crazy?

[300] Yeah, yeah, yeah, mania.

[301] Something insane.

[302] And then I think he ate a sandwich and it really hurt a bet.

[303] I'm sure.

[304] Your sandwich product, what the fuck is going on?

[305] Oh, my God.

[306] He's a madman with that fasting.

[307] Yeah.

[308] Well, he's an intense dude.

[309] You know, he's just an intense with eating, too.

[310] Yeah, yeah.

[311] But if you ever watch him hit the Mitz, every watch him hit Pats, he can fucking strike.

[312] Yes, I know.

[313] It's kind of shocking.

[314] The people that don't know him, you see him crack Mitz and you're like, Jesus Christ.

[315] Holy shit, he is, he's fucking legit.

[316] And he can roll around good too.

[317] Oh, yeah.

[318] When he was getting ready for, here comes the boom.

[319] Yeah.

[320] Like, you know, when he was training with Mark Delegreta, I was like, God damn, dude.

[321] He was cracking those parts.

[322] I know.

[323] I know.

[324] He did let me know when that one thing he did to me. You know who did that to me, too?

[325] Farley.

[326] Farley, we were in the hallway at Saturday Night Live out of nowhere.

[327] Oh, no. We were at a fucking hotel.

[328] And he came at me real fast, grabbed me, put me in some shit, pulled hard.

[329] I felt every part of my body cracked.

[330] And then Farley laughed.

[331] And just like with Kevin, they kind of looked at you like, I could fuck you up if I wanted to.

[332] Farley was a big dude, too.

[333] He was a big boy.

[334] He was like maybe 5 '8, 8.

[335] But he was like 5 '8 wide, too.

[336] He was wide.

[337] Yeah.

[338] Fucking athlete, though, moved nice.

[339] Well, when he moved around on stage, you know, when he moved around on SNL, he was fucking, that was part of the thing is he was so explosive.

[340] Oh, yeah, man. Like, part of the funny in him was this fucking insane!

[341] Yeah, he had this explosion inside of him that could get out.

[342] I only met him once.

[343] You did meet him?

[344] Yeah, I met him on the set of news radio, and he was in the middle, the throes.

[345] of addiction.

[346] So he was gray, like wet cardboard.

[347] It was weird.

[348] It was weird being around him.

[349] He just looks sweaty.

[350] He's like, hey, how you doing?

[351] I was like, hey, what's up?

[352] Was he there to see Phil?

[353] He was there to see Andy Dick.

[354] He and Andy Dick were hanging out, and I think they were both off the rails.

[355] They were having fun.

[356] They were having a good time.

[357] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[358] Yeah, fucking, that sucks.

[359] I hate it.

[360] Well, he was...

[361] Yeah, it's horrible.

[362] That was a good time of life, though, that news radio shit?

[363] Oh, yeah.

[364] That was a lot of fun.

[365] It was Spade and Phil?

[366] No, Spade wasn't on that.

[367] Spade was on that other show, Just Shoot Me?

[368] He was on Just Shoot, but I thought he did a couple of things.

[369] He did, yeah, he definitely did.

[370] But, you know, a lot of people did, you know.

[371] Yeah, a lot of people did.

[372] Was that your first big, big thing to lock into it?

[373] That was the first big thing.

[374] I did a small sitcom that nobody watched before that called Hardball.

[375] Hardball, what was it about?

[376] Who's a baseball show on Fox?

[377] Yeah, I think I remember that.

[378] Like five or six episodes.

[379] What were you on that?

[380] I was a baseball player.

[381] Oh, that, you play baseball?

[382] I did in high school.

[383] Oh, yeah?

[384] A little bit until I started doing martial arts.

[385] Right, right, right, right.

[386] All right, right.

[387] Gotcha, that's cool, man. I want me to tell you, my martial arts, it's not that big of a deal, but I grew up in Manchester, New Hampshire, and a lot of guys were tough, you know, fought and shit, fights would happen, and then I had the idea, I drove by downtown, I saw this guy, I can't remember his name, Mick Something, and I fucking saw kickboxing.

[388] And I was like, let me take kickboxing just in case I can fuck somebody up because that'd be fun to have that secret weapon of kickboxing and then, you know, all of a sudden be able to kick someone in the face.

[389] That would be great.

[390] And so I talked my buddy into it.

[391] Or maybe he talked me into it.

[392] But I think that anyways, we both go and fucking like 15 guys in there from school already doing it already advanced.

[393] And I was like, all this did was make me realize these guys.

[394] can kick the shit out of me. I thought guys I could take.

[395] I was going, oh, fuck, that guy can crush me, too.

[396] I had no idea.

[397] But I'm never flexible.

[398] So I just, I think I quit after like four or five sessions.

[399] Flexibility is something that everybody can gain.

[400] It's just you just have to go through the process.

[401] Flexibility is not something like, you know, there's like certain amount of explosiveness and athleticism that some people just don't possess.

[402] And it didn't take a long time to get there.

[403] But flexibility is something that you just have to work at.

[404] I've seen very inflexible people become flexible.

[405] Yeah?

[406] What, just by doing it every day?

[407] Doing it every day and just sticking to a routine.

[408] You just got to force yourself past the pain, you know?

[409] I'm just nervous.

[410] My hamstrings are going to pop this so fucking tight.

[411] You know what you should get?

[412] You ever see one of those things where you, it's like a strap and you put your foot into it?

[413] Yes.

[414] Like pull back up.

[415] Those things are great.

[416] Yeah, I know.

[417] I know.

[418] I just take a yoga class.

[419] Yeah, I know, I know.

[420] Go to hot yoga.

[421] That's a cheat coat.

[422] No, that's a good one.

[423] It gets real hot in there and you get a lot looser.

[424] Yeah, that's good.

[425] That's good.

[426] My wife's good at that shit.

[427] My daughters do it.

[428] I just fucking, it hurts my little back and my hamstring so much that I end up just going, I get up and do a fake water break and just stare at them.

[429] So how was working on this special?

[430] I saw you in Vegas.

[431] I know you did.

[432] It was very funny, Matt.

[433] Very funny.

[434] I really enjoyed it.

[435] appreciate it man i i i had uh had a great time making this special i had a great i have a great time on the road i can't believe it you know i fucking quit doing stand -up for you know like 20 years or something what made you want to get back uh i think i was doing grownups and rock and spade and schneider and kj were always talking about uh next weekend i'm going to niagara falls and i'd be like these guys are all fucking having fun on the road and And then I think Apatow was doing Carnegie Hall.

[436] He was hosting something.

[437] And he said, you want to do some stand -up again?

[438] And I just go, yeah, yeah, let me do that.

[439] And I did it just to make sure that I fucking put together 15 minutes or something.

[440] That got me back into it.

[441] And did you just piece it together by doing small sets?

[442] Or did you, how did you write out of now?

[443] I was, I was, I think maybe I did a couple of improvs or something that maybe, maybe I went to the improv a couple of times.

[444] But mostly from doing Letterman, I used to do Letterman and do two segments.

[445] So I'd fucking sit down with my buddies, write jokes, and just go out there with jokes and kind of trusted that, yeah, that's a good joke.

[446] And I think I started doing that with stand -up, too.

[447] Just going, ah, this is pretty good.

[448] Let me just do it.

[449] And then, like, when did you start booking gigs?

[450] Same shit.

[451] I call the guy, this great guy whose daughter was going to school with mine.

[452] He would talk about booking acts and shit.

[453] I said, I was thinking of doing stand -up again.

[454] He wanted to book me some shows.

[455] And then he just booked, like, a 10 -city tour for me. And I said, all right, I better fucking put an hour together for that.

[456] Wow.

[457] So how did you put the hour together?

[458] Did you go to the improv?

[459] Did you go to the store?

[460] Where'd you go?

[461] A couple times at the store.

[462] improv I would drive out of town you know the valley maybe like the ha ha that kind of shit yes yes anybody flappers exactly flappers flappers is good spots good spot try shit out yeah yeah I just did a bunch of maybe I went down at a comedy magic club is that still rough yes I did for sure Hermosa Beach that's a great club I could yes exactly except I remember growing up I would always see Leno and Joe is it Joe Not not Is it What was it What was Jimmy broken Jimmy Brogan Yeah the Booker Yeah the book But he did He did stand up as well He did stand up And they were so clean And they would fucking Annihilate And I always felt Self -conscious In that place For how filthy I was And I was like These people Don't want to see this Well the comedy Magic Club It was like The cleanest club In the country That right Right Right It's how I used to always go there.

[463] Yeah, that's a great little club.

[464] That's a good club.

[465] So I forced myself to get a good album.

[466] Now I got, I mean, when I was on the road the last tour, I was, I have so many, you know, I have so much shit that steps on other shit, so I can't really do it all.

[467] Right.

[468] Because if I already said this, so that, this joke doesn't make any sense now.

[469] So, but I was fucking doing two -hour shows, and it wasn't that big of a deal.

[470] Wow.

[471] Can you believe that?

[472] Yeah.

[473] Because I remember struggling to do an hour of my whole stand -up life.

[474] I'd be like, my God, how fucking the crowd's so bored with me now.

[475] I can't come up with new moves, you know.

[476] But now I've got enough shit.

[477] Keep them rocking.

[478] So how long have you been steady doing stand -up again now?

[479] I think like seven years.

[480] Wow.

[481] Yeah, yeah.

[482] It must feel good, though, right?

[483] It's nice, man. To get back into like a real flow, like a real headliner flow again?

[484] 100%.

[485] Yeah.

[486] Oh, yeah, I missed this.

[487] I did miss it.

[488] I didn't even know I missed it.

[489] It's the most fun.

[490] Absolutely.

[491] You fucking were loose That was You set yourself up To do a live fucking special I don't think I could handle that man My head be spinning way too much man But I had to over prepare Yeah yeah But you didn't have You didn't have any pauses You were just boom boom boom boom boom boom boom How long were you doing that set?

[492] Well I did Well you know because I have my own club That helps a lot right So I was doing two shows a night Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday So I was doing six hours of stand -up a week, which is a lot.

[493] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[494] And then I was doing podcasts and all the other UFC stuff that I do.

[495] So a lot of work.

[496] Right.

[497] That got to be too much.

[498] So then I knocked it down to three sets a week, three headliner sets a week, and then I would do a bunch of short sets, you know, bottom -in -the -barrel show that I told you that my friend Brian Simpson host, that show's the best.

[499] It's like a premise factory because you have this whiskey barrel on stage.

[500] It's filled with notes from the crowd.

[501] it's all just different ridiculous ideas for premises and you reach your hand in you pull one out and it's just you know frogs are gay like whatever it is and you just start ranting right and you try to come up with bits and you know every now and then one you get one or two every set that you write it down you're like this could be something that's amazing and a couple of them made it onto the special that's incredible because it's like they it's a premise factory absolutely so So I had a lot of it.

[502] I was getting ready to do a special in, I was going to do one in August of 2020, but then, you know, obviously in March, everything shut down and I didn't do stand -up for eight months.

[503] And it was just, and then I thought about it.

[504] I was like, you know what, I just feel like just working on my material now.

[505] I just feel like just working on stand -up and not even thinking about the special.

[506] Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a great feeling.

[507] Well, it's just, I just wanted, I was just enjoying working at the club, owning the club.

[508] And then there's so many good guys at the club.

[509] It was just such a fucking hot spot There's so many people There's Shane Gillis and Mark Norman And Ari Schaeer and fucking Brian Simpson And Tony Hinchcliffe It's just like every night We're just murderers row And we were all just cooking together That's big And then when Netflix said They want to do a live special with me At first I was like fuck that I don't want to do that And I said no I told my manager I was like no I called around the phone I was like what I don't want to do that And then I was driving home Like why he's scared to do that you fucking pussy And I was like As I was driving home And I was, like, thinking it.

[510] And then when I got home, I called it back, I go, don't say no yet.

[511] I go, let me think about it.

[512] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've had those feelings, yeah.

[513] And then the next day I said, all right, I'm going to do it.

[514] And she's like, you sure?

[515] I go, yeah, yeah.

[516] I'm going to do it because I'm scared of it.

[517] That's balzy, man. I was fucking terrified of it.

[518] Of course.

[519] I'm scared thinking about doing it.

[520] I would never fucking do it.

[521] But you killed it.

[522] You killed it.

[523] You were loose.

[524] You were rolling.

[525] You crushed.

[526] Well, I did that set in order for three weeks straight.

[527] Right.

[528] So I had it locked in.

[529] For three weeks I didn't do any Which I always fuck around There was no fucking around No deviation for three weeks You were steady I also wrote all the bits out By hand I wrote them all out Even the ones I already knew I wrote them all out I wrote all the transitions out I listened to recordings I watch videos That's big yeah I beat myself into the ground I overprepared Right right right So that when I got up there There was no what is next What is next?

[530] There was no thought about You didn't have a beat sheet somewhere Just in case you got lost?

[531] No, no, no, no. That's fucking balls.

[532] I would never be able to do that.

[533] But I wanted to cheat it like a regular show.

[534] If I had a regular show, I wouldn't have a cheat sheet.

[535] Well, I fucking, I never did when I was young, but now I need fucking a word.

[536] I need to look somewhere and see the word.

[537] What do you, like, put, like, index cards on the stage?

[538] No, on a monitor.

[539] I just look down and go, you know, it says, like, you know, just one word, popcorn, and then I'm ready.

[540] Because my head goes to space.

[541] I get spacey as I got older.

[542] When I was young, I was full.

[543] prepared and blah boom and i did my shit and i think it helps me kind of relax a little bit just knowing that if i'm lost and look down and see a word and go yeah yeah yeah yeah do that next bill maw brings like one of them conductors fucking things on stage uh huh where you know like they have like the news right the music rather yeah yeah yeah yeah he has that and he just has his ideas written out on that it's good so you just look down at it i get addicted to that a little too much sometimes I, in Largo in LA, I go up there.

[544] Flanny runs that place and he lets me go on and try shit out.

[545] And I have a music stand and I fucking, I'll be at work all day working on movies.

[546] And then like 10 minutes left to go, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

[547] Let me fucking, I got a couple guys in the office who help write jokes with me. And I go, let me try this, this and this.

[548] And I just put the sheet down, go on stage, try shit out.

[549] Try a new shit out.

[550] nothing better than a new joke yeah it's very exciting that's the best if it's working usually does work too well you're enthusiastic about it and yeah if you really have thought about it and prepared for it it's like a new thing for you so it's like this exciting new toy yeah yeah yes yes yeah so you can't wait to get to that or open with it or whatever yeah when you do movies do you just come up with a premise first like when you decide to do a film like if you decide happy Gilmore how do you how do you like make your movies how do you start that's i mean that was just lucky premise um billy madison i remember i thought oh this could be great a guy who a grown up who does elementary school again and that's a great idea of being i get to be goofy get to bully these little kids then all of a sudden connect with these kids and have fun growing up again so but part of my head was like well rodney did back to school already so everyone's going to say i just ripped off back to school rodney went back to college how the fuck do we kind of do a step away from that and i called my buddy hurley he who i went to college with and he writes all the movies with me or he's just a he's just a great funny man and i've written almost everything with them and if he goes oh that's good then we usually go from there and we try to fill it out after that same thing with happy gilmore wedding singer bobby boucher all that shit we were just like came up with a couple of lines of what we thought as an interesting idea and then see if we can fill it out it's so funny because your films get loved by the public and hated by critics it's so hilarious.

[551] Like you are the like whatever the Rotten Tomatoes critic score is for your films means zero.

[552] It means nothing.

[553] It's only the audience is what counts.

[554] That's all we thought about.

[555] Yeah.

[556] Because your films are all so fun and so silly and so, in my opinion, so underappreciated.

[557] Thank you, man. Because like this is one of the things that I thought about during COVID.

[558] Like we watched it every night.

[559] We watched like every film that you made while everything was locked down.

[560] Amazing.

[561] I love that.

[562] Thank you.

[563] Thank you.

[564] Yeah.

[565] My fucking, I don't know, man, we lucked out.

[566] We worked our asses off like you're working your ass off now.

[567] Like, this is, this is, took it very serious.

[568] But you caught like a silly groove.

[569] I don't think anybody else has that silly groove like you do.

[570] Like you caught that groove with so many movies, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[571] I mean, when I first started, Jim Carrey was crushing, still.

[572] Miller, Mike Myers, a lot of goofy movies were getting made.

[573] And I certainly fucking love doing them.

[574] I love being on set, making those kind of movies.

[575] I love fucking editing that shit.

[576] Thinking about kids laughing, I always loved that.

[577] Thinking of college kids, you know, throwing a tape in, sitting down, watching together.

[578] That was on our mind when we did it.

[579] When you first started out, did you want to be a comic?

[580] Did you want to be a stand -up comic, or did you always think that you wanted to do films?

[581] I think I wanted to get into the movies.

[582] I was fucking nuts, cocky as shit in my own weird way.

[583] I think a big thing that happened to me was I told my friends in high school I was going to be fucking big.

[584] And I didn't.

[585] So you had to?

[586] I had to do it.

[587] I told the boys, I was like, I'm going to be fucking great.

[588] And then when I would check in with them, I remember being on pay phones, calling after.

[589] Even eating it as Catch a Rising Star, I call him, I fucking did good tonight.

[590] I was, yeah, I go, yeah.

[591] I said, what did you say?

[592] I said, this Joe fucking killed.

[593] Meanwhile, I fucking ate it every time.

[594] So you're faking it until you made it?

[595] But I dug a hole for myself.

[596] I'm doing great.

[597] Robin Williams said I was fantastic.

[598] Robin Williams, I remember one night saw me eat it.

[599] I was just like, oh, man, I ate it in front of Robin Williams.

[600] But I changed the story of like, yeah, he liked that shit.

[601] There's something that could be very valuable.

[602] about being delusional and being young yes very delusional so stupid man i uh did this uh thing once uh do you know owen smith who the hell's hilarious hilarious comedian in l a he had this uh he's one of the best comics alive but he spends a lot of time writing and doing shows unfortunately which i think he should be headlining arenas he was just at my club a few months back i saw he's a monster the point is owen had this show that he was doing this show that he was doing for a while where you'd find your oldest notebooks and sit down with him and go over your oldest jokes and it was so bad they were so it was like a 1991 joke book yeah yeah yeah keep them all yeah and i was going through we were reading it i was like it's so bad i had him like built -in heckler lines that i wrote that were terrible and this guy was saying this to me and that it's like oh oh that's so funny If I had to go back there and, like, give myself advice, I would say, you've got to quit.

[603] You're terrible to this.

[604] Oh, my God.

[605] Don't do this.

[606] What are you doing, man?

[607] You sound atrocious.

[608] You're not going to make it.

[609] You don't have it.

[610] Same thing.

[611] Yeah.

[612] No way.

[613] But I fucking thought I was fucking phenomenal.

[614] I would look at the crowd not laughing going, these fucking, these guys fucking nuts.

[615] They don't see how great this shit is.

[616] But when I, it's almost like I was with my fucking giant afro.

[617] And my father would be at the table and be like, you need a haircut.

[618] I'd be like, what are you talking about?

[619] man he'd be like you think you look good I'd be like I look great he'd be like you don't just so you know you don't look great I'd be like you're you are so off on that dad it's funny delusional thinking can sometimes carry you to the like once you develop some skill that delusional is like a little guardian that keeps you protected while you actually develop talent and that goes away because I'm more nervous now but I had that fucking fear as a comedian my head would spin when I Colin Quinn he had a club the paper moon in the in the it was the paper moon around when you when you when you were growing up it was like uh at the Boston comedy club like a small place like that I think that that became paper moon became the Boston oh the same club yes I think it was downstairs that one shit so fucking Colin liked me he used to get me on stage I was going to college around there and I all day long would be practicing on the elevator in my dorm.

[620] I'd be going, blah, blah, blah, blah, saying the shit.

[621] Right when con would bring me up, my fucking head would spin.

[622] I'd forget where I was, not making a sense.

[623] I would say two jokes, and then I'd be like, oh, my God, I don't know what's coming next.

[624] And I had that going for a while, but I still would go home at night and go, fucking, I'm going to be so fucking good at this.

[625] I don't know what it was.

[626] Psycho, psycho.

[627] It's youthful delusion.

[628] Yeah.

[629] And it's also your central lobe is not fully form.

[630] You don't even understand the world.

[631] You're just, you're a little meat puppet.

[632] My God, yeah.

[633] Yeah, but that's how you make it.

[634] That's how you make it in kind of everything.

[635] Like, you're delusional, you know?

[636] Yes, yes, yes.

[637] If you really believe in yourself, that counts for a lot.

[638] Up to a point, because there's people that still believe in themselves.

[639] They've been doing open mics for 20 years.

[640] Right.

[641] Nobody's stepped in to say, hey, this is never going to happen.

[642] Right, yeah.

[643] You have to have a spark.

[644] There's got to be a little something in there.

[645] And then you could build that little something into something special.

[646] That's right.

[647] That's right.

[648] Same thing in sports guys who keep going and keep trying out and keep doing something.

[649] But some people break through.

[650] It's interesting, man. I definitely had an amazing time as a youngster.

[651] I had a couple of people that I locked in with.

[652] We were buddies.

[653] We all had that same thing of like, I'm good, I'm good, even though it wasn't that good yet.

[654] Yeah.

[655] Yeah, I came up with Greg Fitzsimmons.

[656] Greg and I, we're both, like, confused and wondering if we're ever going to make it and just, you know, we do a lot of road gigs together and we were hoping.

[657] But the whole idea was only just to, like, one day you'd be a professional.

[658] That was the goal.

[659] Not really have any kind of a career career, but just like one day to make a living telling jokes.

[660] That was the dream.

[661] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[662] Like, you couldn't even imagine, like, almost, I would see guys that were actual pros when I had a bunch of, like, day jobs doing construction and driving limos.

[663] Oh, yeah, I did everything.

[664] Oh, gotcha.

[665] And so then I would do these nighttime gigs and I'd meet the real pros.

[666] The guys who just made a living doing comedy, I'm like, what must that be like?

[667] Yes, they saunter in at 9 o 'clock at night.

[668] Yeah, they've been playing golf all day, laughing, the Kevin Knoxes and all those guys.

[669] Yeah, yeah.

[670] And I would just like, they were like heroes.

[671] Of course.

[672] You actually made it You're fucking bad asses Outside of the system completely All you do is tell jokes And people love you And they come to see you And the same jokes A lot of the guys They were just like That's my act I ain't fucking right Yeah They never did television So those guys had And people wanted to go see Those same jokes again That's crazy Yes Yes Like Steve Sweeney Did you ever see Sweeney When he was in his prime Absolute best Biggest destruction too Oh my God Steve Sweeney in his prime would light up a room and with Boston accent and Boston material.

[673] You couldn't follow him.

[674] No, no, no. It was a monster.

[675] I think he went on the very first night.

[676] I went on at Stitches.

[677] Sure.

[678] That was the first place.

[679] My brother brought me to Stitches.

[680] He was going to be you.

[681] He got me one of those five -minute open mics.

[682] That was the first place I ever did, too.

[683] Stitches?

[684] Yeah.

[685] Wow, man. How'd you do?

[686] Hey.

[687] Yeah, I ate.

[688] I got a couple of chuckles.

[689] You did.

[690] It was like enough to where I was like, maybe, 21?

[691] 21, yeah.

[692] I was like, maybe, maybe something there.

[693] And the second time I got some laughs.

[694] That's incredible.

[695] That's like less nervous.

[696] Wow.

[697] And like I had listened to my record.

[698] I had a little tape recorder that I brought with me and I recorded it.

[699] Oh, man. How about that humiliation of the silence on the record?

[700] Oh, it was terrible.

[701] But it also made me realize like what was wrong.

[702] Like, you know, because I was studying kind of the way I studied martial arts.

[703] Like if you, you would watch films.

[704] of fights and then I would go oh there was a little bit of a timing problem there and this I could have done this I could have done that and so with my second time I did stand up I had the humiliation of listening to the first cassette so I listened and I was like let me tighten this up and maybe this could be a little better oh my God tightening right a little more there but I got some laughs the second time which was like crazy I was like wow I might be able to do this shit man both at stitches yeah and then I think I bombed the third time and that was the first real bomb and I was like the punch in the face fucking shit yes but every time I bombed I feel like it taught me something and then I would get better fucking I ate it last year last summer I went up to the comic strip and fucking ate it for 10 straight minutes oh shit I forgot about that I forgot about that punch in the face that is a ruffy I ran into you at the airport, and you were telling me you just did some fucking horrific corporate event.

[705] I ate it there, too!

[706] Oh, that was...

[707] I mean, if I listened to the tape, I'd say, you were okay, but...

[708] Oh, it's humiliating.

[709] Yeah.

[710] You had just gotten done with it when I ran into it.

[711] I saw a shell -shock, I remember seeing you and your wife.

[712] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I had that fucking glazed look.

[713] Those corporate gigs are so Ron White just ate it at one recently.

[714] He goes, I don't know why the fuck I have.

[715] agree to do that I know I said no and they said more and I said no and then they came up with the number I was like all right holy shit buddy same fucking story for me those are deaf I don't think I those things are death because the people that are there they're working with all these people so they're all like kind of tight yeah they got shit going on yeah and they're not really thinking about the comedy show they're thinking about this is like a social environment with all people they're working their way up the corporate ladder and then they're concentrating on all their shit and they're also they can't laugh at anything inappropriate it's true yeah i saw a mike over there laughing and all those sexist jokes mike's a real piece of shit yeah that's true man that's good i i'm i swear to god i felt bad for them i'm like jesus they paid me so much i fucking feel terra i didn't kill for but but uh it happened yeah Hinchcliffe just did one recently too said the same thing i'm like that's why i don't do those they it's not do comedy where people come to see comedy and that's it.

[716] Don't get hired for a birthday party.

[717] Get the fuck out of here with that.

[718] The only fucking reason I did it was Paul McCartney did it the year before so they go well they don't deal this much time I went Paul McCartner well fuck I'm doing that shit.

[719] Yeah but Paul McCartney can just play his songs I know man you know and like his songs are great they're classics he's not going to miss he's not going to miss he's just going to play and if they don't respond that's on them yeah it's like you know you fuck enough He just did ban on the run.

[720] What the fuck is wrong with you people?

[721] I know, man, that's good.

[722] Yeah, you know, like musicians, they can always just get into their song.

[723] Oh, shocking.

[724] They don't need your response.

[725] They don't need nothing.

[726] They don't need you.

[727] They don't need you.

[728] We're fucking looking out of everybody.

[729] That fucking dude's not loving it.

[730] God damn it.

[731] We rely so much on other people's response.

[732] But the moments I don't.

[733] Those are the ones I was saying here, Joe, and I've eaten it before, but still felt I did good.

[734] because I fucking remained kind of confident and believing in my shit still but the ones where I look out I see them hating me and I go yeah why am I here man this is that's a bad feeling it's a terrible feeling I say bombing on stage is like sucking a thousand dicks in front of your mother yeah yeah yeah yeah it's probably worse than that because somewhere out there there's probably a guy who wouldn't mind sucking a thousand dicks in front of his mom you know he'd be like look at me mom you you made me 99 let's go my mother would 100 % at the end say you could have done it better you could have sucked them hard why did you stop on that one man he wanted to explode in your face and you stop I feel bad you should call him and tell him you'll suck his dickly but yeah I'm with you buddy stand up stand up's the best it's a crazy thing and no one can teach you how to do it either.

[735] You have to figure it out yourself because your way of doing it is different than my way is different than Kevin's way.

[736] Kevin's way is different than fucking Seinfeld's way.

[737] Everybody's got a different way of doing it.

[738] And nobody can teach you how to do it.

[739] You can learn some things from watching other people.

[740] You can learn some things.

[741] Oh, man, yeah.

[742] But how about when somebody fucking great watches you and says, hey, you know what you could say here and gives you a great line?

[743] You're like, oh my God.

[744] Yeah.

[745] No, that's huge.

[746] That's what a feeling.

[747] You just.

[748] made my okay thing into a fucking one i'm excited to do oh yeah yeah yeah there's been a couple of bits that i've had that i got a tag from a friend it's just like pops it up oh it you're like how did i ever do it without that fucking yeah sometimes like a fresh eye you know that's one of things that i always admired about how chris rock used to do it because chris rock would go on stage he'd work his stuff out and then you have a bunch of guys that he would hire to sit in the back of the room yeah kind of workshop with them i got i do i do similar stuff very smart i have these young guys who are fucking way funnier at writing than me. Only because I'm fucking tired.

[749] I'm tired.

[750] I walk into the office and I'm like, I thought of this funny thing last night.

[751] Maybe something there.

[752] I'll say it to them and they'll go, oh, yeah.

[753] And I'll fucking write something interesting.

[754] And we come up with something together eventually.

[755] Well, you used to collaborating when you do films.

[756] Yes, yes.

[757] I always do that.

[758] Always got a bunch of guys that helped me out throughout the whole movie.

[759] That's such a good process.

[760] yes because you know one mind is great but a bunch of minds together in different perspectives people are going to see things from an angle that you're not going to see yes that's exciting same shit same shit somebody comes out with a great thing to do in a scene or a line or uh maybe you can be doing this at the same time and actually whatever the fuck it is i mean me and the hurley here when we write these things we we think a lot what it's going to look like what what what's going on any scene what the jokes are that kind of shit but on the day you definitely having a couple of buddies around making it better it's the way to go well you always have a very tight ship too like doing uh zookeeper with you and like in talking with kevin like you work with the same people pretty much every film yeah which is really huge yeah that's good because it's always you have a very family environment like it's always family everybody's fun they're all everybody likes working together No one's an asshole.

[761] It's an easy gig in that sense.

[762] You know you're going to come to work with people.

[763] Everybody's having fun.

[764] Kevin's, Kevin got that going.

[765] You got that going.

[766] Yeah, you have to have that.

[767] That's gigantic.

[768] You got, like, a lot of great stand -up friends, all right?

[769] Yeah.

[770] When you do the road, you just bring your guys with you when you guys, like, how many of you go up on stage when you take gigs on the road?

[771] If I do a gig, I bring usually one guy who's a beginner.

[772] and then two guys who are headliners.

[773] And how much time does everybody do?

[774] It depends.

[775] Like, when I did the live special, I brought this kid Ari Maddie, who's hilarious.

[776] Ari did 10 minutes.

[777] Well, he did 15 minutes the first night, but on the live night he did 10 minutes.

[778] So 10 minutes to warm the crowd up.

[779] And then he brings on Ron White.

[780] Ron White murdered for 15.

[781] And then he brings on Tony.

[782] Tony murders for 15.

[783] Wow.

[784] And then I go on after that.

[785] You're fucking tough to do that to yourself, put on big.

[786] heavy hitters because that can get you in a hole sometimes, too.

[787] People are crushing so hard.

[788] As long as you're having fun, it doesn't because the audience is having a good time.

[789] Yes.

[790] Though my philosophy is I don't want bad comedians going in front of me. I want people to kill.

[791] So that when I go on stage, everyone's having a great time.

[792] They don't ever feel like, oh, they made out of that one guy for 20 minutes.

[793] Oh, my God, when was he going to get off stage?

[794] No, I know, I know.

[795] Because there's some comedians that like to do that.

[796] They like to bring in terrible acts so they look like a hero.

[797] No, that's bad.

[798] That's bad.

[799] It's bad for the old.

[800] Bad for your own brain.

[801] You're fucking just, you're getting lazy doing that.

[802] You're getting lazy.

[803] It's a soft way to approach it.

[804] So, like, when I do shows at the club, sometimes I'm going on stage an hour and a half into the show.

[805] And it's like, Brian Simpson, Shane Gillis, Mark Norman.

[806] It's like killer after killer going up.

[807] And then I'm going up late.

[808] So you got to, it's like running with weights on.

[809] Like, you've got to come out of the gate.

[810] Hot, you know.

[811] Dude, when I first came back to see.

[812] stand -up, I was bringing all my buddies with me, and they were killing so...

[813] It was good crowds, so everybody would stay up, you know?

[814] Everyone's like, I know, I was going to do 15, let me do 25.

[815] And so by the time I got up there, I was following like six or seven guys murdering, and it was fucking two hours in, and then I was supposed to do an hour and a half of that, I'd be like, shit, I got to figure this out, man, I'm not kidding.

[816] I mean, I'll cut that's too much.

[817] That's too much.

[818] You wear the audience out.

[819] Yeah, yeah.

[820] Yeah.

[821] I feel like when a show gets over two hours, two and a half hours, it's like, I don't want to see a three -hour movie.

[822] If I'm going to watch a three -hour movie, I'm going to be at home, okay, where I can pause.

[823] Yeah.

[824] If I have to take a leak, go have some popcorn.

[825] I want to, like, for three hours sitting in some auditorium somewhere watching a show, it's got to be a banger of a show.

[826] Oh, man. So engaged.

[827] Where you walk out, you're like, Wow.

[828] How about that feeling when you know, holy shit, this arena, I'm losing them for about five minutes.

[829] Let me fucking get them back.

[830] When you see people who started the show off with like, yeah.

[831] And then they're kind of like tuned out going, what is happening right now?

[832] Yeah.

[833] Why are you talking so much?

[834] People only have a certain amount of attention span.

[835] Yeah, yeah.

[836] You know, that's why I admire bands that still, like, I saw Guns and Roses in Greece.

[837] Yeah.

[838] And they do three hours.

[839] New shit?

[840] No. No, all the classics.

[841] All the classics.

[842] You know, welcome to the jungle, sweet child of mine.

[843] Can't fuck with them.

[844] But they fucking go hard for three hours.

[845] Those guys are 100 years old.

[846] They're still killing it.

[847] And he's singing three hours.

[848] Yeah.

[849] He's ripping it for three hours.

[850] Yes.

[851] Same with the stones.

[852] I saw the stones a couple years ago at Coda, the Circuit of the Americas here in town.

[853] And it was insane.

[854] Mick Jagger's a thousand years old.

[855] Yeah.

[856] And he's still fucking moving on.

[857] But no lamp, baby.

[858] Yeah, yeah, man. He's still fucking dancing and all that energy.

[859] Yes.

[860] That's funny.

[861] They do like stones do two a week or something.

[862] That's a really funny shit because when we go on the road, it's like five or six.

[863] That's the way to do it, though, when you're 80.

[864] Yes, yes, yes.

[865] You know, you need recovery.

[866] Yes, yes, yes.

[867] And also, Mick Jagger works out every single day.

[868] He has two trailers filled with gym equipment.

[869] Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[870] Two of the trailers when they travel with the stones is just Mick Jagger's gym equipment.

[871] What a fucking stud, a light little body.

[872] That guy looks like he weighs 120 or something.

[873] He looks like 120.

[874] He's ripped still 80 years old.

[875] He's got a six pack.

[876] Got the mainie arms ready.

[877] Fucking ready to go.

[878] And still has his pipes.

[879] Still can sing.

[880] Yeah.

[881] And Keith Richard could still play.

[882] It was incredible.

[883] Watching them live was I couldn't even believe they were there.

[884] It was one of those things where like I was almost like I felt like I was on drugs.

[885] I was like, am I really seeing the Rolling Stones?

[886] Are they actually there?

[887] Like I could throw a rock and I could hit Mick Jagger with a rock.

[888] Oh, my goodness, I know.

[889] And then how exciting when Keith and Ron look at each other and laugh.

[890] Yeah.

[891] They laughed together.

[892] Fuck, that was incredible.

[893] They're still enjoying it.

[894] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[895] And when we were kids, there were no old rock stars.

[896] Right.

[897] Yeah, yeah, that's right.

[898] Right?

[899] Yeah, yeah.

[900] They didn't.

[901] Elvis, like, felt.

[902] Right, yeah, yeah.

[903] You know, he died in the 70s, right?

[904] So he was already dead.

[905] Wow, man. And so when we were kids, we thought of rock stars as like Van Halen, young, wild people on stuff.

[906] stage jumping around.

[907] That's a young man's gang.

[908] No one ever anticipated 80 -year -old rock stars singing rock and roll in their 80s.

[909] No doubt.

[910] No doubt.

[911] By the way, I heard David Lee on your show.

[912] Yeah, he's been on a couple times.

[913] Man, I mean that band, to me when I was in high school, I think I was in ninth grade the first time I fucking heard him.

[914] I was into Sabbath.

[915] My brother got me into Sabbath, and then I heard I was walking up to a fucking party as like one of my first house keg parties.

[916] and Van Halen was blaring over somebody's pioneer system, and it was fucking, like, ain't talking about love, but some shit, I remember just going, this is the greatest shit I've ever heard.

[917] Oh, yeah, they were the kings in the 80s, dude.

[918] They were the kings.

[919] When I was in high school, everybody knew how to make that Van Halen logo on your notebook.

[920] Yeah, yeah, the notebook.

[921] It was either VH, Queen, Zeplin, ACDC, C, yeah, yeah, yeah, they were the kings.

[922] They were the kings.

[923] Yeah.

[924] But, you know, we never thought, like, we never thought they'd be still doing it no that's right and then then you'd see van halen the last few years uh live and you'd fucking be still as excited yeah still look smooth as shit i saw it with david lee roth maybe four or five years ago he's he's such a character man you know he doesn't have a phone he doesn't he doesn't even keep money on him i went to dinner with him and he has a lady that drops him off with me and she's like she's like his handler and she says I have her number she has my number she's like call me if anything goes wrong you know and just you're hanging out with David Lee Roth having dinner with him I love them talking about fighting with you because you love him throwing those crazy roundhouse kicks oh yeah he was a real martial artist he used to train with Benny or Qaeda's that's right yeah yeah he used to do those things on stage we'd do like a jumping split kick in the middle of the air yeah look at him yeah he's a real athlete man yeah yeah absolutely he's a stud fucking sweet dick on him right there but they look at that guy picture he's got his pants hanging down yeah just just enough to show a little hip phone showing some dick root he's a character man still to this day he's out to lunch man he'll say say some interesting shit he's smart knows his shit whatever he's into he's deep into it that guy moved to japan to train kendo which is a sort of sword -fighting art. Right, right, right.

[925] Just him and his dog.

[926] Yeah.

[927] Lived in an apartment in Japan.

[928] For, like, years.

[929] Man. Just training Kendo.

[930] I fucking, any time you heard that they weren't getting along, you were just like, hey, what?

[931] Yeah.

[932] You know how that goes, though.

[933] Oh, any time it would for fucking people too much, it's going to go wrong.

[934] Yeah.

[935] Especially those egos and the bands and then girlfriends don't like that guy.

[936] Right, right.

[937] Yeah.

[938] This shit happens.

[939] It's like Valerie Bert and Ellie apparently didn't get along with David Lee Roth.

[940] Oh, okay.

[941] Yeah, that's going to be painful.

[942] This is how it goes.

[943] It's hard for bands to stick together, you know?

[944] I think that's way harder.

[945] I remember you too would always be in interviews talk about how cool it is that they're still a rock band together.

[946] Yeah.

[947] The more of them loving each other.

[948] If you can get a ban that enjoys each other's company, that's a fucking tremendous, tremendous asset.

[949] because so many bands like I was just reading today that Pete Townsend doesn't talk to the rest of the guys in the Who he doesn't talk to Roger Daltry they don't talk to each other like how that's funny man I just saw them I just saw the Who had a benefit and they fucking destroy it was Daltry's benefit and he brought the Who on there and I think the drummer was maybe Ringo's kid and if I remember or it's either Ringo's kid or John Bonham's kid Anyways, it was great.

[950] But Pete and Roger were funniest shit ragging on each other and saying quick little insults and it was like massive laughs like a comedian.

[951] But then they'd fucking have those hits that just take your whole body over and it was great.

[952] Yeah, I don't know where they stand now or why they stand that way, but I was just reading an article this morning.

[953] Yeah.

[954] Oh, yeah?

[955] That they don't talk to each other.

[956] It makes sense.

[957] These guys, like I remember hearing Sabbath on tour would fucking all.

[958] show up in different planes.

[959] I don't know if any of it's true, but you're like, fucking Tony Eony and Ozzy don't fucking hang out the whole time.

[960] Well, there's always a problem in the band where the lead singer becomes the number one guy.

[961] And everybody else is kind of secondary.

[962] Yeah, yeah, that's going to make you piss.

[963] The band's called Van Halen, but the main guy's David Lee Roth.

[964] Right, right, right.

[965] That's the guy everybody wants, ain't talking about love.

[966] Man, you know.

[967] Bad ass.

[968] Yeah.

[969] Oh, my God.

[970] Hot for teacher.

[971] He was the man. And so, like, I could see.

[972] how egos and feathers would get ruffled and then the girlfriend on the side would be like, you know, the band's damn being rough.

[973] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

[974] Fuck that guy.

[975] Fuck that guy, and then you've got to stand behind it.

[976] He's got all the groupies and...

[977] Yeah, man, well, but they had some...

[978] Him and Eddie both had the different people who were talking about who's the greatest.

[979] It'd be like, David Lee Roth was just the smoothest and funniest and fucking...

[980] One of the greatest frontman of all time.

[981] For sure.

[982] He was like a stand -up.

[983] Just dominated the crowd.

[984] Just like, I think there was some tape going around with, remember, some shit.

[985] Just like, that's okay, man, because after the show, I'm going to fuck your girlfriend.

[986] I don't know.

[987] Maybe that was David Lee Roth or somebody else.

[988] But as a kid, you were like, oh, my God, fucking what.

[989] That was the coolest shit ever.

[990] But then I remember Eddie Van Halen, when Jump came out the video and seeing him smile and throw down that fucking shit.

[991] and lead, and he was just like, is that the coolest fuck on on the planet?

[992] It was like overall.

[993] No shirt, over.

[994] I went with the fucking no shirt overalls move one time.

[995] Really?

[996] Didn't go over.

[997] On stage?

[998] Didn't get the respect.

[999] Not as a stand -up, but I thought I was going to get more respect.

[1000] But I was on stage at a Battle of the bands.

[1001] I used to sing and play guitar in a band.

[1002] And I went, I think my mom tied -died my overalls and shit.

[1003] And I was like, I'm going to do it.

[1004] I'm going.

[1005] And I showed up People making too much eye contact with me, not wanting to look down at the fucking overalls.

[1006] It's a bold choice.

[1007] It was one I couldn't make now.

[1008] One of the funniest choices is what, if you look back at, like, the metal days, like, you look back at, like, all the guys who dressed up, like, gay bikers.

[1009] Right, right, right.

[1010] From Judas Priest.

[1011] It's Rob Halford.

[1012] Tricked everybody in the dress.

[1013] like a gay biker.

[1014] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1015] Because he was gay.

[1016] I love that, yes.

[1017] So he's like leather pants and the fucking leather biker helmet on and the vest with no shirt on underneath.

[1018] Yes.

[1019] And all these guys started dressing like that.

[1020] Yes, yes.

[1021] And they didn't even understand that they had been tricked in the dressing like a gay biker.

[1022] Yeah, yeah, I love that, man. That's a great woman.

[1023] He was so cool.

[1024] I saw them at fucking Radio City with Iron Maiden.

[1025] Really?

[1026] That was a biggie.

[1027] Wow.

[1028] I was up in the balcony screaming, screaming, I want to dress like you.

[1029] No, that was Yeah, look at him, man Yeah, yeah I mean, come on, dude Fucking the Hellion Mow -O -W -W -W -W -W -W -W -W -W -W -W -W -W -W - They were nasty That's the tough looking -looking guy You got another thing coming Look at him there with this fucking crazy outfit Yeah It's just so funny All the different styles of bands that existed Oh man, I had fucking pleather pants I wore fake leather pants for a bit.

[1030] I didn't know my body wasn't great.

[1031] So I was like, you throw that shit on, you look like a rock star.

[1032] Then I'd fucking see the pictures that my mom took of me after I looked at me, like, how the fuck did you let me out wearing that shit?

[1033] I'd never fit just right.

[1034] I never had the body for, like I would walk into a clothing store growing up.

[1035] There was a place, you know Sarah Silverman, the comedian?

[1036] Sure, yeah, I know, Sarah.

[1037] She grew up in same town as me and her parents had a uh a store called junior deb i believe and it was downtown they sold Levi jeans and all this shit and i remember just going okay i'm gonna get some cool ass levies go to school look like a badass and i remember uh when i would see when i saw a three -way mirror i was like these aren't fitting me like that i thought you know they don't look i don't look as cool in my Levi's as i thought i was you had an idea of your image i want i wanted i saw other people wearing that shit going all right I'm going to dress like that guy, but it didn't reflect the same when I had it on.

[1038] Again, youthful delusion.

[1039] Delusion, yeah.

[1040] Did you want to be in a band before you wanted to be a comic?

[1041] I wanted that for sure.

[1042] What kind of music did you guys sing?

[1043] We did a lot of Aerosmith, a lot of Van Halen, a lot of Sabbath, Zeppelin.

[1044] Arrowsmith just canceled their tour.

[1045] I know, I know.

[1046] I guess Stephen Tyler, you know, he had that neck injury where he fell and broke one of the bones in his neck.

[1047] neck and apparently he just can't sing open his mouth to sing well they were planning on doing a thing with the black crows and wow yeah and they just for whatever reason you know decided to put the tour out and get get going and then he started and he was like i can't do it anymore that is painful yeah because the guy's whole life was that and by the way fucking did you like harrow smith growing up loved them they were the the bad boy that every tune was nasty.

[1048] That shit was the nastiest.

[1049] Push that microphone up to your face.

[1050] Sorry, bro.

[1051] And, yeah, I loved, my band played literally like 10 Aerosmith, too.

[1052] We'd always fucking play kind of cool ones, not the massive hits, but the, whatever, the mama kins and walking the dog and kind of cool shit like that.

[1053] Well, we both grew up in New England, and they were the kings.

[1054] They were the kings.

[1055] Yes, yes.

[1056] They were the fucking band.

[1057] Look at that.

[1058] Yeah.

[1059] A -A -A -F.

[1060] Joe Perry.

[1061] B -C -N.

[1062] Yeah.

[1063] B -C -N -A -F.

[1064] What was the kind of alternative?

[1065] He was the fucking man. Could hit every fucking...

[1066] How about the fact that I read something that...

[1067] Yeah, he's a cool bastard.

[1068] And I met him, and they're all great guys.

[1069] Joe Perry, he's a great guy, too.

[1070] Fucking best.

[1071] That's a New England accent, too, on Joe Perry.

[1072] Oh, yeah.

[1073] It's funny to hear the boys talk.

[1074] I think somebody lived in New Hampshire.

[1075] Maybe Stephen Tyler lived in New Hampshire, because that's where I...

[1076] grew up and they definitely they owned New Hampshire well they were the kings of Boston like they were fucking gigantic I remember the controversy when they did that duo they did that song with Run DMC when they did walk this way what the fuck I know everybody's like what's going on that don't make no sense I know wow that's a fucking great song I was my fucking Arrowsmith came back yeah they became the Kings again exactly that was their big comeback song they're kind of faded for a while and then walked this way came along and it's like great young people started getting into them again absolutely yeah it's funny how bands like they get you know like generational right even though they're great like ah that's the people that listened in the 70s fuck those people yeah yeah yeah you know now we listen to this yeah yeah yeah and all it takes is one thing and then people start going through the catalog and like Jesus Christ this guys are incredible same I was doing uh fuck who the fuck was I listen I play a lot of the old shit from my kids and then all of a sudden you just go wow they had so many bangers bangers yeah yeah especially the young drug -taking days yeah yeah the wild the wild erasmith is the first three the first three albums kind of shit like zeppelin too yeah oh yeah yeah yeah that i mean it's a world yeah every comic wants to be a rock star and i think most rock stars want to be comics yeah there's there's some of that too there's something about the freedom of comedy that they appreciate You don't have a band.

[1077] You don't need anybody.

[1078] All you need is a microphone.

[1079] We don't have sound guys.

[1080] You don't have anybody.

[1081] Can you believe that?

[1082] Yeah.

[1083] That's my biggest mistake is I fucking use music in my act, so I got to.

[1084] My piano player, Dan Bula, he's the best.

[1085] I love having him being together on the road, looking back and we laugh together.

[1086] That's the greatest part.

[1087] But the back in the day when I just had a mic and didn't have to show up with shit, that really is.

[1088] makes it like oh it's amazing yeah you know when i would do these uh big places like the td garden like one of the things that would strike me is like we're just showing up there's no trucks there's no it's just a stage right and me and three of my buddies and that's it yeah yeah and 16000 people and but bands play here and they have fucking trucks and shit i know all these people have to break down the stage they're there all the fucking pyrotechnics and all that crazy shit these guys have Right, right.

[1089] I know.

[1090] I know.

[1091] We're cool.

[1092] We're cool.

[1093] We did good.

[1094] It chose the right career.

[1095] For us.

[1096] For us.

[1097] Yeah.

[1098] Yeah.

[1099] Until you watch a rock band, you go, yeah, they're kicking our ass, man. It's definitely something different.

[1100] I mean, rock is kind of like a drug.

[1101] There's something about going to see a band that's really good.

[1102] It's like the music hits your body.

[1103] Yeah, it overwhelms you.

[1104] Yeah, like a drug.

[1105] Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

[1106] The right tune fucks you up, so I agree.

[1107] Who were, like, some of your first concerts as a kid involved?

[1108] First concert I saw was Jay Giles band.

[1109] You did?

[1110] Yeah.

[1111] That's with Peter Wolf and fucking.

[1112] That's as cool as it gets.

[1113] Yeah, back in the centerfold days.

[1114] Arrowsmith and Jay Giles can battle for the Kings of Boston back then.

[1115] Jay Giles was the fucking man when I was in high school.

[1116] Yeah.

[1117] See him?

[1118] I saw George Thorogood.

[1119] There you go.

[1120] Johnny Winter.

[1121] Yeah, I saw a bunch of.

[1122] of bands.

[1123] Where did you see him in that?

[1124] I don't remember.

[1125] I wish I could remember.

[1126] I used to go.

[1127] Whistre, Worcester, uh, sure, Worcester Colceum, yeah.

[1128] Yeah, is that what it was?

[1129] Yeah, I think so, yeah.

[1130] Then I got a job when I was 19.

[1131] I worked at Great Woods.

[1132] You did?

[1133] Yeah.

[1134] Yeah.

[1135] Yeah.

[1136] Fuck and I played there.

[1137] What a feeling that was.

[1138] Yeah.

[1139] Because we saw so many shows growing up.

[1140] I saw a lot of comics there too.

[1141] When I, I saw some comics there when I got paid.

[1142] Yeah.

[1143] And then some comics there, I paid to see them.

[1144] Right.

[1145] Like, I saw Kinison.

[1146] there.

[1147] I paid to see Kennison.

[1148] You did?

[1149] That's cool, man. Yeah.

[1150] I saw Cosby there.

[1151] I saw, I saw Rodney there when I was working.

[1152] Rodney was backstage, naked, with a bathrobe on.

[1153] Yeah, yeah.

[1154] That's a big Rodney.

[1155] That was the Rodney days where, the bathrobe days.

[1156] Okay, baby, yeah.

[1157] He would go on stage with a bathrobe just to make him feel comfortable.

[1158] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1159] He just was completely naked with a bathrobe on and just murdering.

[1160] Oh, the best, the best.

[1161] I mean, murder.

[1162] And this was before I'd even thought about doing stand -up.

[1163] I was 19.

[1164] Fuck, man. But I got to see...

[1165] You saw Kinnison, was he...

[1166] Kinnison always dressed badass.

[1167] Like a rock star.

[1168] Yeah.

[1169] He fucking had the big long leather coat on and a beret.

[1170] Yeah.

[1171] I doubted...

[1172] That was just after I'd heard about Kinnison, too.

[1173] Yeah.

[1174] I had heard about Kinnison from a girl that I was working with.

[1175] I was working at, besides doing a security guard work, I was working at the Boston Athletic Club in South Boston.

[1176] Wow, yeah.

[1177] So I was a training.

[1178] That's still there, right?

[1179] Yeah, I think so.

[1180] I think they got a fucking basketball.

[1181] court there.

[1182] Yeah, they got basketball.

[1183] There was a lot of racquetball there.

[1184] A lot of people, I met Bobby Orr there.

[1185] You did?

[1186] That's cool.

[1187] I had to help Bobby Orr, because Bobby Orr had had, like, fucking 150 knee surgeries, right?

[1188] His knees were destroyed, and you'd have to help him get on the Versa -Climber machine.

[1189] Oh, my goodness.

[1190] Because Bobby's knees didn't bend.

[1191] Right, right.

[1192] Bobby's knees bended, like, this much.

[1193] Right, yeah.

[1194] He had, like, 12 inches of movement in his knees.

[1195] And so you'd have to, like, kind of help him get on the Versa -Climber machine.

[1196] Wow.

[1197] I mean, one of the greatest athletes of all time, you watch them play racquetball, and he would just kind of fall over.

[1198] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1199] They put it all out there, yeah, yeah.

[1200] Also, the knee surgeries back then were archaic.

[1201] They were so primitive.

[1202] They just used staples and fucking screws, and they didn't know what they were doing.

[1203] You see, a certain age, you see different scars on guys.

[1204] Oh, his knees, that's Bobby's knees.

[1205] Oh, yeah, yeah, his knees were destroyed.

[1206] That sucks, man, man, man, what a hero.

[1207] What a stud, I always loved them.

[1208] He had 20 knee surgeries.

[1209] Fucking insane.

[1210] Was that your team, the broom?

[1211] I didn't really watch sports oh yeah you didn't no once I got into martial arts I really didn't care about any sports that's pretty cool man that you didn't because I know that's that's the biggest sport town oh it's a huge sport town everybody called me a pussy because I didn't know anything about football basketball baseball I didn't care yeah I was like that's pretty good that you had your own thought process going I would join join right in we're trying to make the other kids like dropping something well when I was 15 I just became I'm obsessed with martial arts.

[1212] That's great.

[1213] I didn't care about anything else.

[1214] I literally didn't care about anything else.

[1215] I'd watch basketball.

[1216] I'd be like, this is nonsense.

[1217] Who cares if that ball goes in that hole?

[1218] Fucking cool, man. That doesn't mean anything to me. My dad always told me to do that shit.

[1219] He'd be like, do martial arts, do martial arts.

[1220] And I, like I said, I went to this guy.

[1221] I wish I knew his name.

[1222] And I did that.

[1223] And then I think a little earlier in life I tried it up.

[1224] I just, my body, man. I wasn't meant for it.

[1225] It's not for everybody.

[1226] No, that's good, though.

[1227] That's like everything in life.

[1228] Things that are not for you.

[1229] Yeah.

[1230] You just got to find the thing that is for you.

[1231] Yeah.

[1232] I found a few, and that's all I do.

[1233] Hoop, comedy, that's it.

[1234] Perfect.

[1235] That's all I got.

[1236] For a happy life.

[1237] Yeah, I guess so.

[1238] So this girl I used to work with, she was like a volleyball player, and she was really hilarious.

[1239] And she was working at the front desk, and she was like, oh, my God, I saw this guy.

[1240] This was 1986 is when Kinnison had his HBO special, and she told me about it.

[1241] She's like, there's this guy, and his name is Sam Kinnison.

[1242] And she, she knows that bit he did about homosexual necrophiliacs, paying money to spend a few hours undisturbed with the freshest male corpses.

[1243] Remember that bit?

[1244] I kind of, yeah.

[1245] So she told me about this bit, we're hanging out in the parking lot of the Boston Athletic Club.

[1246] And this girl is lying down on her stomach on the ground.

[1247] And she's like, oh, oh, me life keeps fucking in the ass even after you're dead.

[1248] It never ends.

[1249] And I was laughing so hard.

[1250] Wow, yeah.

[1251] And I remember, like, this girl.

[1252] girl just her doing Kinnison's bit made me go to the video store to get a VHS of Kinnison special.

[1253] Because the first time I saw it, it came out on video.

[1254] And then I watched it.

[1255] I was like, oh my God.

[1256] And that was like the first seed in my head where I was like, okay, this is comedy too?

[1257] Because I didn't know that was comedy.

[1258] I thought comedy was like something I really liked, but it was so different than me. It was nothing that I would ever do.

[1259] It was just different.

[1260] It was like, I didn't see myself that way.

[1261] But I saw that guy.

[1262] I'm like, that guy's a fuck.

[1263] Yeah, yeah.

[1264] He was tough as shit, yeah.

[1265] This is a different kind of comedy.

[1266] And that was like the first seeds in my head that I had of doing comedy.

[1267] Yeah, that's amazing.

[1268] And then I got to see him live at Great Woods.

[1269] But I saw Bon Jovi there.

[1270] I saw, fuck, I saw everybody.

[1271] I quit the night Neil Young was there and they had a riot.

[1272] Really?

[1273] Yeah.

[1274] In New England, huh?

[1275] Well, yeah.

[1276] The lawn, you know how Mansfield?

[1277] Great Woods has that lawn out there?

[1278] Yeah.

[1279] People were starting fires on the lawn.

[1280] And so they were like starting these little bonfires.

[1281] And, you know, we had to break up the fires.

[1282] And then brawl started breaking out.

[1283] Wow, yeah, yeah.

[1284] And I always knew that this job was like, you know, what did you get paid like 20 bucks an hour?

[1285] I'm not going to fight somebody for 20 bucks an hour.

[1286] This is crazy.

[1287] So I always carried a hoodie with me. And so I had my security shirt.

[1288] And then as soon as shit would go south, I put the hoodie on, like, I'm out of here.

[1289] And that's what I did.

[1290] That night, I quit.

[1291] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1292] I quit the night.

[1293] That's funny.

[1294] man yeah fuck yeah 20 bucks to get in a full -on brawl yeah there was brawls breaking out left and right the first night I was there I watched one of the security guys beat this guy with a walkie -talkie and I was like Jesus what did I sign up for it was a crazy job so because some guy had stole one of the golf carts and there was this dude named Alley Cat who was the head of security there and Allie Cat tackled this guy and he's beating him in the head with the walkie -talkie.

[1295] Wow man And I was like, whoa, okay, what did I sign up for?

[1296] Did you, did you get in fights after you learn your shit?

[1297] No. No, that's cool.

[1298] No, no. And I avoided them all.

[1299] That's amazing.

[1300] I'm not interested in fighting.

[1301] I would like fights where they were planned, you know.

[1302] Like meeting a guy in football, you mean in a fucking.

[1303] Like tournaments and stuff, kickboxing matches.

[1304] I do a lot of those.

[1305] But those to me made sense.

[1306] Like fighting on the street, it's like, no. Like, people have guns.

[1307] People have knives.

[1308] That's right.

[1309] stupid sure I was always nervous yeah like I'm not I never felt like you get in a fight with someone someone hits you in the back of the head with a bat also yeah fight someone it's that's never the end like they're going to go get their cousins they're going to get their brother they're going to try to find you when you're alone like that's true you don't want that kind of problem in your life just move on oh it's so easy to just take take whatever they're throwing at you with like that's supposed to start the fight just being on yeah okay that that makes sense You're right.

[1310] I am a piece of shit.

[1311] I'm going to get out of here now.

[1312] Well, it all means nothing.

[1313] Someone says, it only means something to you if you believe them.

[1314] Yes, yes.

[1315] Someone says you're a pussy.

[1316] You're like, okay.

[1317] What does that mean?

[1318] This doesn't mean anything.

[1319] You're just saying words.

[1320] Until you try to hit me, this is nonsense.

[1321] It's like, oh, you have a bad opinion of me?

[1322] Oh, that's okay.

[1323] Like, I don't really care.

[1324] And also, I was tired all the time because I was training like six, seven days a week.

[1325] So I was like, I don't want to be involved in this stupid shit.

[1326] Right, yeah.

[1327] I already worked out today.

[1328] I can't fight you.

[1329] Also, I was very aware of the consequences of violence I'd seen by the time I was 21 years old, I'd probably seen 40 or 50 people get knocked unconscious.

[1330] Right.

[1331] At least.

[1332] What a terrible sight that is.

[1333] Probably a lot more than that.

[1334] I see so many people snore, you know, it's just on the ground twitching and snoring.

[1335] I'd seen so much of that.

[1336] Yeah.

[1337] Yeah.

[1338] I grew up with that.

[1339] So it's like, to me, I was like, I don't want none of that in my life.

[1340] I don't want to have anything to do with this, especially outside of fighting.

[1341] Concrete floors and shit.

[1342] Head hitting the ground.

[1343] KJ worked with a guy in Long Island when KJ was a bouncer.

[1344] Right.

[1345] And this guy killed a guy.

[1346] He punched a guy and the guy fell, hit his head and died.

[1347] Yeah.

[1348] Now the guy has to go to jail.

[1349] Now you're working as a bouncer, just like I was working as a body, as a security guard in Great Woods.

[1350] Like you could have gotten a fight, hit someone.

[1351] Now you're in jail.

[1352] Yeah.

[1353] And you're like, for what?

[1354] Holy shit.

[1355] Yeah.

[1356] So, that's so cool you worked at Greatwood.

[1357] So that's like the, what a destination to go to and see so many great fucking bands.

[1358] You know, it's funny, you said Kinnison, I used to be on MTV when I was young, and we'd go to Daytona Beach.

[1359] You were on remote control, right?

[1360] I was on remote control.

[1361] That's right.

[1362] Quinn, Quinn got me on there.

[1363] And it was the best.

[1364] But we went to a spring break, Daytona Beach, and Kinnison was at the height.

[1365] and I went to it was the first guy I saw at an arena Kinnison and some other bad boys.

[1366] Some guys, I forget their names, but they probably Karl Leboe.

[1367] Yeah, yeah, Carl Leboe, right?

[1368] And a couple other guys.

[1369] They all kind of really funny, tough bastards.

[1370] The outlaws of common.

[1371] That's it.

[1372] That's right.

[1373] That's what it was.

[1374] And I saw Kinnisden destroy and it was like, I saw Rodney at a theater in Florida where it felt like fucking holy shit.

[1375] This is rock show because it was Bam, bam, bam, man. Yeah, oh, Rodney.

[1376] Rapid fire like a machine gun.

[1377] The best, Rodney would crush for like eight minutes and then go, I know a lot of fucking jokes, baby, and they go, ah, you know?

[1378] That was so cool, man. But Kinnison, too, just took over.

[1379] I saw him in the moment.

[1380] It was amazing.

[1381] Yeah, I got to see Kinnison decline, too.

[1382] I got to see the decline because I saw him a couple of times live.

[1383] And the last time I saw him live, It was in New Hampshire, and there was not that many people there.

[1384] I drove to this theater with this girl that I was dating.

[1385] I was probably 20 at the time.

[1386] Again, it was before I did comedy.

[1387] And he was just, it was already, like, boozing heavy.

[1388] Yeah, yeah.

[1389] And it wasn't as good, you know.

[1390] He was...

[1391] Because he peaked in 86.

[1392] I feel like the Kinnison from 86 is probably one of the greatest comedians that ever lived, if not the best.

[1393] He was a monster.

[1394] He was a monster.

[1395] Yeah.

[1396] But the guy was doing blow and drinking and hanging out with rock stars and just partying.

[1397] And his brother wrote about it.

[1398] Do you ever read his brother's book?

[1399] Uh -uh.

[1400] Brother Sam?

[1401] Right, right.

[1402] His brother Bill.

[1403] It's a great book.

[1404] Yeah.

[1405] It's a great book.

[1406] If you're a fan of stand -up, I tell anybody, go buy that book because it's a great book.

[1407] And Bill said that you could see the drop off in Sam's material because he just stopped writing.

[1408] Right.

[1409] He wasn't hungry anymore.

[1410] Right, right, right.

[1411] He had made it.

[1412] Instead, you know, because there's this, like, there's this hunger inside of him to make it as a comedian, and that's what led him to be outrageous.

[1413] Yeah.

[1414] Do all those jokes about, like, the starving kids in Africa and all these different jokes he did that were just so outrageous in that preacher's voice and that fucking powerful delivery.

[1415] Yeah.

[1416] But then when he made it, man, he got real fat and just drinking every night.

[1417] Yeah, he was, he started wearing the bandana.

[1418] The bandana days, the rock star days.

[1419] It just dropped off.

[1420] It wasn't the same.

[1421] It was like a caricature of Kinnison.

[1422] That's funny.

[1423] It just happens.

[1424] It happens that when you're drinking or doing whatever the fuck it was.

[1425] I got a Coke.

[1426] Yeah, sure.

[1427] I think that's the one that really like training.

[1428] Well, that makes you not think straight.

[1429] Yeah.

[1430] You definitely all over the place.

[1431] You're fucking, you can't stay steady with a thought.

[1432] Yeah.

[1433] But I remember I met him a couple times.

[1434] Pauly, sure, was very tight with him.

[1435] Yeah.

[1436] And I knew Pauly and I hung out with Kinnison a couple of times.

[1437] but uh but i saw him at the improv the last time i saw him and he had he was a little little he was so sweet like he was so nice to me and he remembered that we hung a little bit you know i was a young fucking dummy and he was nice to me and uh he had that that kind of glazed had a few too many yeah in the eyes but he was just he definitely was when he walked into the fucking improv that night every comedian was like well holy shit there he is It's the fucking man. Right.

[1438] You know?

[1439] It was cool.

[1440] He changed comedy.

[1441] He really did, because there was no comedy like that before Kinnison came around.

[1442] He was a different kind of comedy.

[1443] It was like, all the sudden comedy was like, you could yell.

[1444] Yeah, yeah.

[1445] Oh, my God.

[1446] That was the biggest.

[1447] He was just like, and the preacher's voice, that thing that he had a, where he had that charisma of being this tent revival preacher.

[1448] Yes, yes.

[1449] When he would talk quiet, oh, well, and then all of a sudden blasted.

[1450] And then black, yeah, oh, my God.

[1451] And he was a legend at the store.

[1452] You know, when I got to the, the store goes through these eras, right?

[1453] And when I got to the store, it was 94.

[1454] And the Kinnison era had ended, he died, and then there was this big drop -off.

[1455] Like, the store was kind of vacant when I got there in 94.

[1456] It was weird.

[1457] Like, the shows would be half -empty.

[1458] Yeah, yeah, they were having problems for a bit.

[1459] But they all had these stories.

[1460] All the guys like Harris, Pete, and the guys that were still around, they all have these stories about when Kinnison was there he would perform at midnight and around 1130 all these rock stars would start showing up and movie stars right yeah and they would all go there to see Kyneson so he had the midnight spot fucking cool and they would all go and I remember thinking imagine people come into the comedy store just to see you that must be so insane that's fucking cool as far oh it was the coolest because it was all just word of mouth yeah everybody this is like 84ish before he popped everybody just knew it about him.

[1461] Rock, I remember Chris was in Vegas and I went to see him with Nicholson and Jim Brooks.

[1462] Wow.

[1463] And we were sitting there and fucking Nicholson was laughing his ass off and I had that thought you just had.

[1464] I was just going fucking rock is so cool.

[1465] That people fucking fly an hour like, where is he?

[1466] Let me go see him.

[1467] They sit back and laugh.

[1468] And I I fucking just going shit, Rock.

[1469] You really are fucking stud, man. Oh, yeah.

[1470] The Bring the Pain days, bigger and blacker and bring the pain.

[1471] Two of the greatest specials of all time.

[1472] Of all time.

[1473] Flawless.

[1474] Flawless.

[1475] Yeah, yeah.

[1476] He's a badass.

[1477] I talked to Rock yesterday.

[1478] Just for like 10 minutes of something.

[1479] And we got really excited about stand -up again.

[1480] I go, you're writing.

[1481] He goes, I kind of am.

[1482] Like, he can't stop.

[1483] And when he was doing his tour, he was like, I need a break.

[1484] Blah, blah, blah.

[1485] He just did like a fucking year.

[1486] on the road or some shit and then he's right back to like got some ideas got some shit yeah i think that's a good way to do it take a little break and just refresh your mind so you're not running stale you know because he did a live special too his live special was fuck i loved it yeah and it was also like the build -up because of getting slapped by will smith and all that crazy shit yeah yeah yeah i think that was like the best thing that ever happened to him because then he became like wild again like his stand -up was like outrageous like it was like the rock of old that that night was like watching a fucking Super Bowl he was just like what it's a live event holy fuck what the fucking man he was a badass and I think he had some white shit on and you look cool as fuck and he were waiting for him to talk about it and he got to it and he got fucking excited well he didn't talk about it for a while yeah right he would tell people if you think I'm going to talk about it I'm not yeah yeah yeah he wanted to be ready and he wanted to really think about what he was going to say and how to say that's that's because of where we are in life where anything you say is fucking on the internet the next day so he's like i gotta be careful and not blow their shit up also they would ruin the bits yeah people would just tell the bits and it wasn't even ready yet yeah exactly because if you have a life -changing event like getting slapped at the oscars in this most preposterous scenario the whole thing was preposterous yeah i think for him was also a wake -up call like hey these motherfuckers don't really care about me in that moment yeah yeah they didn't protect me nobody stopped it he went back and sat down and then he got an award afterwards he got a standing ovation what the fuck is going on here was fucking weird yeah because you want you always want to be that guy who's hosting the Oscars and who's starring in the big movies and that's what everybody wanted everybody wanted to be the big movie star but then you realize like well these people are fuckers you know like what did you do how did you set this up how come nobody tackled him that was a fucking weird moment oh the weirdest yeah it's like a guy just showing his ass like you just pulled your pants down showed the world your ass like why did you do that yeah he probably does he probably wakes up in the middle of the night uh going why did i do that whole thing was sucks oh beyond it was almost like a guy who doesn't know how normal people act thinking this is what you're supposed to do go smack that guy it got it became fucking just just went to a place that he couldn't get out of yeah and started it and still there he's still there in everybody's mind when you see will smith oh he slapped chris rock that's like i mean not i am legend not mahomed ali not insanely good movies yeah yeah guys an incredible actor absolutely he's been in so many bangor movies he's a fucking bull blockbuster movie star and people see him they go oh he slapped chris rock fuck that fucking sucks god damn it terrible sucks man it fucking uh yeah it's it follows you around it sucks but uh but my man uh rock and the and the kinnisinsins like in the that shit when you when you spread it that happens like once every fucking eight years or something where somebody becomes this shit yeah every now and then someone pops through and it elevates all of us everybody that gets to see it they go oh my god I want to be better I want to write more when I used to see Chris at the store whenever Chris would come in and he would do a set I'd watch and I'd be like oh my god I remember one time I was fucking in the back of the room and this comic stood in front like while I was watching Chris he's like dude I gotta get on your podcast I'm like you gotta get the fuck away from me I'm watching Chris Rock why aren't you watching Chris Rock he's one of the greats and he's on stage right now and you're talking to me holy shit get the fuck out of here That's so funny, man. I've never been on my podcast this day.

[1487] I'm like, get out of here.

[1488] You ruined a moment.

[1489] Get the fuck out of here.

[1490] Dude, it is.

[1491] He, Rock is never wasted a fucking minute on stage.

[1492] Always trying shit out.

[1493] Always, either notebook or just trying to remember or whatever.

[1494] Never fucking got tense with the crowd.

[1495] Just like, they're not liking this, but I'm liking it.

[1496] So I'm going to keep going.

[1497] Well, he would do this thing where he would go on stage and he would just have raw premises.

[1498] and he was so comfortable with total silence where it wasn't going well and then he would catch fire and then start killing and then they're like oh it is Chris Rock and then it would go right back he was like using them as like a sounding board and he would tell them like I'm practicing you know the same I remember one time he went on somebody fucking killed and he went on and the first thing he said hold on relax it ain't going to be that funny they're like told them it's not going to be that funny Yeah, exactly.

[1499] I'm working on some shit.

[1500] Yeah, but that's how you develop a monster hour.

[1501] You have to start off with building a structure and get a foundation.

[1502] Yeah, you fucking, even your first night of the tour, by the last night, you go, now, that's my act now.

[1503] Yeah.

[1504] The friends who saw you, the first two nights, you're like, fuck, I wish you would have seen me fucking.

[1505] Right.

[1506] A couple weeks later, I had, I figured out that bit.

[1507] Yeah, you don't want anybody to see you when you're doing a workout set.

[1508] Like, get the fuck out of here.

[1509] Oh, man. This is a workout set.

[1510] Like, this could be terrible.

[1511] This could end badly.

[1512] Especially when a buddy sees you eat like that.

[1513] What a feeling.

[1514] Yeah.

[1515] There's no dismount here.

[1516] Yeah.

[1517] Yeah, it's like, it's interesting how those guys, like a guy like Rock or Kinnison or Louis or anybody who's just like really killing it.

[1518] Yeah.

[1519] It elevates everybody around you.

[1520] Yeah, man. Everybody gets a little better because of that.

[1521] I'm fucking I heard.

[1522] I think Rock was on stage and just killed one time.

[1523] And I remember John Stewart, who was probably 24 at the time, I think I was like 18 or 20 or whatever our age differences.

[1524] John Stewart goes, I don't want to.

[1525] I quit.

[1526] I don't want to.

[1527] Like he was just like, God damn, that's good, man. Well, you know, that's what Eric Clapton said when he saw Jimmy Hendricks.

[1528] Yeah.

[1529] You saw Jimmy Hendricks.

[1530] He's like, what am I doing?

[1531] What fuck am I doing?

[1532] You feel like a phony after you see a great shit, yeah.

[1533] Well, especially a guy like Hendricks that comes along and he's doing something completely different.

[1534] than everybody else.

[1535] Everybody else is playing guitar.

[1536] They're all great.

[1537] And then all of a sudden, this guy comes on, Oh, my goodness.

[1538] I know.

[1539] Oh, that was a nasty one.

[1540] When I work with Phil Hartman, he told me a story.

[1541] When he was 18 years old, he worked at the whiskey.

[1542] And his job was, they had those stage monitors, and sometimes the stage monitors, the artist would accidentally kick them and they would go into the crowd.

[1543] So his job was this, because they were, You've ever been the whiskey?

[1544] Yeah, sure.

[1545] Small stage, right?

[1546] Not that big.

[1547] And so when he would, he'd have to stand there, like, to be prepared to, like, catch the speaker.

[1548] Uh -huh.

[1549] And Hendricks was right there.

[1550] Like, where you are to me, Hendricks was.

[1551] Uh -huh.

[1552] And he was 18 years old.

[1553] And he goes, dude, it was insane.

[1554] That's so funny, man. I was, because Phil could play a little guitar, too.

[1555] But he was watching, he's like, I'm watching literally the greatest guitarist of all time.

[1556] And he's three feet away from me. That's fucking cool, man. It's insane.

[1557] And then Phil did all the album covers and shit.

[1558] Remember you used to do the album?

[1559] I have one of them out here.

[1560] One of them framed.

[1561] Yeah.

[1562] Oh, man. One of his album covers.

[1563] He did a bunch of, he was a great artist.

[1564] He was a very interesting guy.

[1565] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1566] He could do so many different things.

[1567] Yeah, yes, yes.

[1568] And he studied, he made me feel like such a fraud, because he would study his lines, and he would have, like, little posted tabs, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1569] Little different colored ones for different scenes, and he have notes and all these different things, and he he would like prepare for me and be preparing the mirror and like doing it was like god no he was the pro for sure such a pro with everything I know man like when we were doing the show he was getting his pilots license so like every day in between scenes he'd be like reading these pilots manuals yeah he was just like so real man to something yeah yeah I lived in the same apartment building when I was on SNL as Phil oh wow so I'd see it we'd go up on the elevators together until talk about shit i was you know of course he was older so you were just excited that he'd be talking to you yeah he was a cool motherfucker yeah i remember the first day on the set of news radio like i couldn't even believe he was really there yes i was like looking over across the table you know doing the table read and i'm like how did i get on this fucking show i didn't have at zero acting like i did this how did you get it this the craziest story the whole thing's crazy i did mtv half hour comedy hour right right do like whatever five seven minutes whatever that was the whole was the Joiner?

[1570] Yeah, Mario Joyner.

[1571] So I did MTV half -hour comedy hour.

[1572] I got a development deal out of nowhere.

[1573] Wow.

[1574] That's big.

[1575] MTV was offering me a development deal and then my manager started saying it was very little money.

[1576] It was like 500 bucks and they were going to lock me up for like three years.

[1577] It was crazy low money.

[1578] It was so stupid.

[1579] But you would jump.

[1580] But I was like thinking about doing it.

[1581] You want me?

[1582] Let's do it.

[1583] Yeah.

[1584] I was thinking about it because this is like after remote control and they'd made Dennis Leary famous.

[1585] Yes.

[1586] They had decided they were going to lock people up to deals now because Leary got famous off that and then he took off and then kind of went away from MTV.

[1587] I see.

[1588] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1589] So they had decided that they were going to lock up talent.

[1590] Right.

[1591] So if I did this pilot, the pilot got picked up, I would have been there.

[1592] So my manager said, he said, I have an idea.

[1593] And so he decided to send my MTV tape out to all these studios and say, this guy's about to sign a development deal for MTV, locked up, but he's still available.

[1594] So then I started getting all these phone.

[1595] Like, people would call my apartment.

[1596] I was at home like hello and like hi this is Bobba Bob from Universal you know we want to get you on a plane right now to Los Angeles I was like what wow so I called my manager I called Sussie and I was like hey dude these fucking people are calling my apartment he goes don't answer your phone he goes go to the pool hall don't answer the phone and he goes just leave it all to me and so within like three weeks I had this crazy deal for like 150 ,000 dollars which is the most money I'd ever even heard of my life and all of a sudden I was in Hollywood like out of nowhere so that I was on It was a deal with like CBS?

[1597] It was with Disney.

[1598] With Disney.

[1599] Oh, wow.

[1600] Which is crazy because I was filthy.

[1601] Right, yeah, yeah.

[1602] And all of a sudden I have a deal with Disney.

[1603] And I'm on this.

[1604] For that much money.

[1605] And so I had to get acting lessons.

[1606] So I took a few acting lessons.

[1607] I hated it.

[1608] I was like, this is gross.

[1609] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1610] And then, but I knew how to just pretend.

[1611] I'm like, I pretend on stage.

[1612] I'll just pretend.

[1613] Like sitcom acting is pretty easy.

[1614] Right.

[1615] And so all of a sudden I'm on this sitcom, it gets canceled.

[1616] And I'm like, oh, I was thinking about moving back to New York.

[1617] Yeah.

[1618] I was like, I hated L .A. I hated being around actors.

[1619] You couldn't joke around with them.

[1620] They were all so sensitive.

[1621] Right.

[1622] It was on pills.

[1623] They were all on antidepressants.

[1624] It was like, get me out of here.

[1625] I can't deal with it.

[1626] I want to go back to comics.

[1627] Yeah.

[1628] And so I was ready to move back to New York.

[1629] And, but I had got this fucking apartment.

[1630] I thought that the sitcom was going to go.

[1631] So I got a lease on this beautiful apartment in North Hollywood.

[1632] I had a loft and a pool table.

[1633] I thought I was balling.

[1634] Yeah.

[1635] You know, I was making like 20 grand a week.

[1636] I was like, this is amazing.

[1637] That's fucking big.

[1638] I was crazy.

[1639] I was like, I'm rich.

[1640] So I got this apartment I'm like well I have this apartment I can't just leave the apartment What the fuck do I do?

[1641] And so then I got another development deal So I'd gone I'd done two auditions in my entire life One of them was hardball Got that show The other one was news radio I got that show That's fucking crazy It made no sense Made no sense And all of a sudden I'm sitting there And I'm sitting across from Phil Hartman I'm like this is crazy That's a biggie I just not I had full imposter syndrome And that show fucking kept going for a while News radio was big No, it wasn't.

[1642] It wasn't?

[1643] I thought it was, isn't that Brillstein -Gray?

[1644] Yeah, it wasn't big until after it was canceled.

[1645] Oh, I see.

[1646] And then it went into syndication.

[1647] How many years did it?

[1648] Five years.

[1649] That's pretty good.

[1650] Yeah, but it became...

[1651] Syndication, I got you.

[1652] Really big in syndication.

[1653] I see, I see.

[1654] Four years or five years.

[1655] We did like 98 shows, which is like...

[1656] Who else was on it?

[1657] I forget, almost.

[1658] Mora Tierney.

[1659] She was great.

[1660] Right, right.

[1661] Dave Foley, amazing.

[1662] That's right.

[1663] Andy Dick.

[1664] Yeah, yeah.

[1665] And that's how I met Farley through Andy.

[1666] And then Candy Alexander.

[1667] She was awesome.

[1668] Louis he was Stephen Root amazing all right so it was a great cast yeah I you know I felt like a fraud I was like all these people have like background and theater and background and films yeah movies and TV shows and I was like yes dirty film made everybody feel that way every everybody was kind of like well he's he's he's the next level oh he was the next level and he was so good him and Stephen Rout was so good too he was the only one that wasn't even himself everybody else was just being aversion at well Stephen Rute and you know he was he was a different human yeah like he was a sweet normal guy and then he would play jimmy james and he would just fall into this character yes yes yes he had a character just like when he was an office space yeah unbelievable yeah so it was just worship too yeah bizarre being on that show because i was 26 27 when i was on the show and i was sitting big money wow but it was also confusing i felt like such an imposter i was like someone's gonna figure out that i don't belong here that's funny you felt like that i'd have to go get a job that's nice though that's That's a good person to be feeling like that.

[1669] I think I was a cocky fuck who was like, yeah, baby.

[1670] They figured it out.

[1671] I'm here.

[1672] But I literally didn't get shit growing up.

[1673] I audition for shit and never got nobody liked me. Really?

[1674] Every audition, they were just like, I would talk to my agent after and be like, you know, nervously asking, what they say, you know?

[1675] And then they'd have to be, well, did you read the sides before?

[1676] I'd be like, what do you mean?

[1677] That's what they said.

[1678] Of course I read the science there.

[1679] Like, I thought you didn't know it that way.

[1680] I go, what, I thought I knew it real well.

[1681] They didn't like it.

[1682] Do you think that you're, they would use words to kind of be gentle with me, but just say you're not ready yet.

[1683] Well, it's funny how you have confidence when you're young and you really do think that you're ready.

[1684] Like, I remember thinking that like at Open Mic Nights.

[1685] Like you'd see someone on stage and they were bomb like, God, I wish I could go up there.

[1686] Well, that was terrible.

[1687] Yeah.

[1688] I would bomb too.

[1689] Yeah, of course, yes.

[1690] Or watching another actor and you go, when you were young and you'd see something in your age on a show, you'd be like, oh, I could fucking crush that shit.

[1691] And then you realize looking back, oh, that kind of was pretty fucking good.

[1692] Yeah.

[1693] Well, news radio was fortunate because I got to play like a more retarded version of myself.

[1694] It was like basically like in a lot of conspiracy theories and weird and delusional.

[1695] It was like a version of me. So the writers are very smart They know that They were writing it that way I see Figured me out after a while And started writing stuff in That's funny You know I'd talk to them about Fucking UFO projects Oh wow man Top secret shit And then they put all that kind of stuff In the script That's cool Because I was into stupid things It was fascinating You got into that shit Real young Oh yeah Yeah Yeah I was Alone in your head Or you just You had somebody Who brought it up to you And you started Going with that Well with conspiracies A friend of mine was in a band, gave me a book once on the road, and it was a book called Best Evidence by this guy, David Lifton.

[1696] It's all about the Kennedy assassination.

[1697] He's like, you've got to read this.

[1698] The government killed Kennedy.

[1699] I was like, what?

[1700] I remember reading this book, going, what the fuck?

[1701] I read this book, it was just really funny, and I went on stage after I read it and bombed.

[1702] And I apologize to the club owner.

[1703] I was like, look, man, I'm funny than that.

[1704] I read this fucking book.

[1705] My mind wasn't right.

[1706] And they're like, don't read it tomorrow.

[1707] I promise, I'm not going to read it tomorrow.

[1708] Tomorrow and I killed.

[1709] And I killed the next night because I put the book down.

[1710] I said, you got to be.

[1711] I didn't bomb terrible, but it was flat.

[1712] It wasn't good.

[1713] I was in a weird headspace.

[1714] I was like, Jesus Christ, they killed the president.

[1715] I was like, this is nuts.

[1716] That's funny, man. Wow.

[1717] It fucked you up.

[1718] It fucked me up.

[1719] And then it got me down this conspiracy spiral.

[1720] So I started questioning things.

[1721] It's like, what else don't I know?

[1722] Wow.

[1723] And I started reading about all kinds of different things that I didn't know.

[1724] That's fucking amazing.

[1725] I read this book called The Strange Death of Vince Foster.

[1726] It's all Vince Foster guy who worked with Clinton who got murdered.

[1727] They said it was a suicide, but he had the gun in his hand.

[1728] There was less blood at the crime scene than was missing from his body.

[1729] It seemed like his body had been transported to the crime scene.

[1730] Wow.

[1731] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1732] Jesus Christ.

[1733] Those things will fuck you up.

[1734] Fascinating shit, yeah.

[1735] If you get involved in reading books like that and you get your head gets filled with that kind of shit.

[1736] You know, Quinn was like that too.

[1737] Quinn read a lot of shit and he would tell me to read stuff and I remember he knew a lot about crazy mass murderers and shit and I would start going, what happened?

[1738] And he would tell me these things and I remember telling my dad some of the shit Quinn told me about, I don't remember who but I'd be like and then this guy and blah blah blah and Ted Bundy and this and that and my father started getting like, is my son a fucking murder?

[1739] Why is he talking so much about murderers so much?

[1740] Joey Diaz gave me this book called Murder Machine once And it's about Roy DeMayo.

[1741] Do you know Roy DeMayo was?

[1742] I'm not sure.

[1743] He was a serial killer who worked for the mob.

[1744] And he would kill people.

[1745] Like, they had a bar downstairs, and they had an apartment upstairs.

[1746] He would kill people, and then cut him up in the bathtub upstairs.

[1747] Yeah.

[1748] And just killed a bunch of fucking people.

[1749] It's a horrific book.

[1750] Right.

[1751] And I remember reading that, go, Jesus, fuck.

[1752] Just knowing that there's people out there in the world.

[1753] Oh, it's terrifying.

[1754] Oh, my God.

[1755] And you just get in the wrong fucking place at the wrong time.

[1756] Wrong guy shows up at your house.

[1757] Oh, boy.

[1758] Oh, boy.

[1759] Yeah.

[1760] I was just like, those things are terrible to read before you go on stage, though.

[1761] Fucked your brain up.

[1762] That's so funny that you ate it because of that book, man. Oh, yeah.

[1763] I've eaten it a couple times because I did the wrong thing before I went on stage.

[1764] One time I had a gig in New Jersey, and it was a college.

[1765] And it was a weird place to get to.

[1766] It was back in the day before navigation, so they would give you the directions over the phone.

[1767] I'm like, go to the 405, get off this exit.

[1768] So they give me the directions.

[1769] And I get there.

[1770] I leave early because they tell me it's really hard to get to.

[1771] And I get there about a half hour early.

[1772] But it was hard to get.

[1773] I was like, Jesus Christ, this is a place hard to find.

[1774] And I was working with J .B. smooth.

[1775] Uh -huh.

[1776] And J .B. was supposed to open and I was supposed to close.

[1777] And they said, J .B .'s not here yet.

[1778] So why don't you just relax in the rec room and sit out and we'll tell you when the show's going to start?

[1779] Uh -huh.

[1780] So I sit down and I'm.

[1781] I'm watching this documentary on the Malibu fires.

[1782] And it's all these people who lost their family, lost their house.

[1783] This little kid walking around looking for his dog.

[1784] Rusty, where are you, Rusty?

[1785] Oh, fuck you up.

[1786] Yelling for their dog.

[1787] Your dog's dead, right?

[1788] And there was this fireman who was just weeping and crying because the people in this community lost his house.

[1789] And then they come in the green room, they go, look, J .B .'s not here yet.

[1790] So we're going to have you open up.

[1791] And hopefully when you get off stage, he's going to go up.

[1792] I'm like, okay.

[1793] And I'm fucking word.

[1794] I'm crying.

[1795] I was a little crying watching this thing about these people losing everything in these fires.

[1796] It was horrific.

[1797] Oh, my God.

[1798] And I went on stage just ate shit.

[1799] That's terrible.

[1800] And then finally, J .B. shows up.

[1801] And he showed up, and he went on after me and murdered.

[1802] Because he was loose and happy and relaxed.

[1803] He came in the right mood.

[1804] Didn't watch that shit.

[1805] And he's a killer anyway.

[1806] He's very funny anyway.

[1807] Yeah.

[1808] And I remember thinking, God, you can't do that.

[1809] And I was with my girlfriend at the time, and she was, like, so disappointed in me. Wow, but she's seen you kill before.

[1810] Yeah, she knew it was funny.

[1811] It's funny, man. I got, watch that fucking thing.

[1812] I have similar, it's not from watching something.

[1813] I have moments where I'm driving to a club, and I'm in this fucking mood where I'm going, oh, my God, I ain't going to fucking destroy it tonight.

[1814] I have such a, like the last two hours been in the right mood, maybe some fucking song comes on.

[1815] I'm like, oh, fuck that, fuck me up a little bit, that song.

[1816] And then I walk in.

[1817] I'm in this fucking weird mood.

[1818] I'm a little down.

[1819] I get on stage.

[1820] All of a sudden, I let the crowd own me. I'm like, what the fuck happened?

[1821] I was so ready to kill tonight, and I fucking turned into something.

[1822] Yeah, you're in the car.

[1823] Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone.

[1824] That's a good one.

[1825] Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah, man. Suzanne, the plans they made put an end.

[1826] Why am I here?

[1827] You get sad.

[1828] You can't get sad before you go on stage.

[1829] You got to protect your mind.

[1830] My fuck, my wife helps me out sometimes when she sees my head spinning before I go up.

[1831] She goes, they're here to see you.

[1832] Oh, that's good.

[1833] They like you.

[1834] You don't have to worry so much.

[1835] I'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1836] Okay, they're here for the good time.

[1837] Yeah.

[1838] Don't, then, you know, they're not testing you.

[1839] Right.

[1840] Go have some fun with them.

[1841] I go, no, no, no, you're right.

[1842] And then I go, fuck, let me go on happy.

[1843] Because the times I go on fucked up and being like, this guy's going to like me or am I going to have to fight?

[1844] I'm like, I've, I have fucked up over that.

[1845] That's why, to me, one of the things I've realized early on is take people on the road with you.

[1846] Because in the early days, when I was headlining, they would have, like, a local middle act and a local opener.

[1847] And sometimes it'd be fun.

[1848] That's right.

[1849] And sometimes it'd be terrible.

[1850] Sometimes a guy would be a douchebag.

[1851] Yeah.

[1852] And they'd like, why are you fucking closing?

[1853] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1854] And they would step on your material.

[1855] Like, they'd see your set first night.

[1856] And then they'd cover the same subjects.

[1857] Holy shit.

[1858] They'd have to argue with them.

[1859] I forgot about that.

[1860] Hey man, you're doing one of my fucking bits.

[1861] No, man, I've been doing that bit.

[1862] Like, you don't fuck you.

[1863] And there was, like, a lot of sabotage going on.

[1864] And it just wasn't fun because then you'd be stuck in this town.

[1865] You didn't know anybody there.

[1866] Oh, yeah.

[1867] He's just watching TV.

[1868] Go to the movies by yourself.

[1869] Yeah, yeah.

[1870] Depressing.

[1871] Yeah.

[1872] And so I realized, like, if you could go on the road with funny people, you're going to have fun.

[1873] Well, yeah.

[1874] It's good for them because they get a gig.

[1875] So I just have to pay the opening act, and I'd have to pay for their airfare.

[1876] And I would make less.

[1877] money, but I would have more fun.

[1878] I was like, more fun is more important than anything.

[1879] Absolutely.

[1880] And it's more important for the show, too.

[1881] You go up in the right frame, always.

[1882] And I know that the comics in front of me are going to be really good.

[1883] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1884] So it's going to be a good show.

[1885] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1886] I want the audience to have fun, but I want to have fun too.

[1887] Yeah.

[1888] So then it was a party.

[1889] Then I'd be on the road with Joey Diaz and we'd be having a party.

[1890] Everywhere we go.

[1891] We'd be just having fun and it became family.

[1892] It was like, wherever we were, it didn't matter if we were in Ohio or New Jersey.

[1893] It was us.

[1894] Daytime.

[1895] Daytime's fun.

[1896] Have dinner together, then go fucking do your shit, then stay up all night.

[1897] Yeah, I know.

[1898] But Joey was such a wild card that this is back in the Joey, the cocaine days.

[1899] This is Coco, Joey, Coco.

[1900] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1901] So I used to, I brought a second opening act in case Joey didn't show up.

[1902] Wow.

[1903] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1904] That makes some sense.

[1905] Because sometimes, I didn't want to tell him he couldn't do the gigs.

[1906] Hey, you're not reliable.

[1907] Because I loved him.

[1908] And I love people.

[1909] I'm like, the times that he's there are so magic.

[1910] I want to make sure that he knows he's always got a gig So I'd book him And then sometimes I'd book him And we do Friday and Saturday And then I'd call him on Sunday I go hey to show 7 o 'clock I'm going back home Like what are you talking about?

[1911] You know I don't do Sundays Like what are you don't do Sundays I told you Joe Rogan I don't do Sundays Oh my man You never told me you You're springing that on me We have a show at an hour Yeah And so having a third opening act Or a second opening act Would say you gotta do longer Yeah Well it would be like I'd bring Arii So if it was me and Ari Shafir is like, okay, Ari does 25 minutes, and then I'll do an hour and 15 or whatever, and we got a great show.

[1912] Yeah, man. And if Joey shows up, okay, now we got a three -man show.

[1913] Funny, man. Perfect.

[1914] I love that.

[1915] So I scheduled it just so, you know, we'd always have some sort of a fail safe.

[1916] Yeah, it's fucking way more fun.

[1917] Like, when I won't go out with the gang, good Lord, we have a good time.

[1918] Yeah, you're having fun.

[1919] It's fucking, and you write shit.

[1920] You want it, because you want to make them laugh.

[1921] Exactly.

[1922] Instead of doing the same fucking shit over and over you're just like, hey, yeah, I'm going to try some new shit out tonight, and then your buddies come out and watch and it's exciting.

[1923] And you watch them and you got a tag for them and you have a good time.

[1924] You're having a good time.

[1925] Everyone's having a good time, which to me was like way more important than making X amount of $1 ,000 more.

[1926] I'd rather give them that money and then we all have fun.

[1927] Yeah, yeah.

[1928] That to me was the best way.

[1929] I fucking, when I was real young, I started at 17 and I had a, car and so I used to get booked a lot because I would drive the good guys you know right but I've noticed that it was always three of us me and the two other fucking guys who were good and they would have the best time together they fucking think I suck but it was fine I was just getting to be with the guys who were like 25 I was 17 18 they were 25 shooting the shit you know getting into trouble but going on stage and destroying but and then you'd see him fucking hanging in the hotels and shit and always having the best night and I'd be like yeah that seems like the way I was on my own still they would kind of be like that fucking Adam guy he'll take us home but he's uh I didn't think he was that funny but but fucking learn from seeing these superstar guys on the road fucking have fun isn't it funny how sometimes those guys always think of you as that guy they the relationships are the same exactly they're still like hey what's up I know you fucking went on and I remember when you sucked Yes, exactly.

[1930] Which is why you have to get out of your hometown.

[1931] Yeah.

[1932] You talk, I still let them own me, these guys.

[1933] I'm like, all right, you did see me suck.

[1934] You're right.

[1935] Well, that's why you have to get out of your town because they always remember you as an open micer.

[1936] Hell yeah, yeah.

[1937] Like, I didn't get any, like, headlining gigs in Boston.

[1938] Wow.

[1939] Where did you play?

[1940] He played stitches, did you?

[1941] Stitches, Nick's comedy stop.

[1942] Yeah, yeah.

[1943] Connection.

[1944] Connection.

[1945] What a room.

[1946] It was great room.

[1947] Fucking incredible.

[1948] The little one?

[1949] The little one was the best.

[1950] best that tight low ceiling yeah yeah low ceiling that's the one i yeah it was stuffed stuffed in there bumper fucking it was a fucking time right yeah play it again samms was that oh yeah yeah i did play it it again sams that place was great what was the one that was a chinese restaurant cowloon sawgis and saugus yeah yeah when the ding ho was the beginning yeah i wasn't there for that one oh i think that's the one i did that place went under a few years before i started uh -huh you know so by when i came around I had missed, like, the heyday of Boston Comic.

[1951] It was, like, 84.

[1952] And I came around in 88.

[1953] That's when I started.

[1954] Gotcha.

[1955] So they would always talk about the dingho.

[1956] And there was all these killers, like Lenny Clark, all these guys from the dingho.

[1957] Didn't fuck with Lenny Clark.

[1958] A lot of Tony V. Tony V. Some of these guys, you just couldn't fucking, you just would watch them and go, how the fuck can I kill like that?

[1959] Well, those guys had, as you said, they had the same act for, like, 15 years.

[1960] And that act was, like, hammered down like a samurai sword.

[1961] It was so tight Like Don Gavin So tight You'd see his act like Jesus Christ this guy would murder Fucking Tommy Sledge Do you remember he He was pretended to be a Private Eye I backed off I moved on He was funny as shit Some of those guys Some of those guys And some of those ladies Man they murdered And And yeah Did you ever see that documentary When stand -up stood out?

[1962] Fran Salamita made this great documentary about the heyday of Boston comedy called When Stand Up stood out.

[1963] And it was all about the transition between these guys being these local comics that were as good as anyone in the world.

[1964] Yeah.

[1965] And then Stephen Wright becomes famous.

[1966] Wow.

[1967] And then Stephen Wright gets on The Tonight Show.

[1968] Yeah.

[1969] He becomes this world.

[1970] Was it Letterman or Tonight Show that he first did?

[1971] I forget what it was.

[1972] But he became huge.

[1973] Yeah.

[1974] And then they're all now everyone's like scrambling.

[1975] Like what did we do?

[1976] Like we didn't we didn't have an act that translated outside of Boston.

[1977] Yeah, that's true back then.

[1978] It was very Boston.

[1979] Very, very local.

[1980] Stephen Wright, definitely, in my high school, holy shit, everybody knew every, it was like Rodney.

[1981] He was like right after Rodney.

[1982] You'd repeat his jokes.

[1983] You couldn't believe it, you know, and everyone's like, he's fucking so smart.

[1984] I used to work at a fire hydrant factory.

[1985] You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

[1986] Yeah, unbelievable.

[1987] Ridiculous.

[1988] I think I tried to write like him in the beginning.

[1989] I think I I, as a stand -up, did like 10 different guys.

[1990] I didn't know who I wanted.

[1991] I didn't know what was right.

[1992] I was doing, like, Bobcat kind of shit.

[1993] I'd do a character.

[1994] I didn't know what the fuck.

[1995] But Stephen Wright, we'd always, me and my buddy, we'd kind of try to write in that vein of a little weird and make you think, and what a cool joke.

[1996] I don't fucking know.

[1997] But I also remember all those guys got popped by the IRS.

[1998] Stand -ups?

[1999] Yeah, they all got popped.

[2000] Because none of them were paying taxes.

[2001] They were all getting paid cash.

[2002] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2003] And so they all got in trouble.

[2004] I remember working at Nick's Comedy Stop.

[2005] They offered you could get paid in cash or in Coke.

[2006] Yeah, yeah, I remember those days.

[2007] That's how wild those days were.

[2008] And so these guys were just animals.

[2009] They were all getting paid cash.

[2010] They were drinking and partying every night.

[2011] And they were headlining.

[2012] There's one time during the heyday where Nick's Comedy Stop had three rooms running simultaneously.

[2013] And they'd have two shows a night in each room.

[2014] So these guys would do six sets.

[2015] Amazing.

[2016] And they were making bank.

[2017] And they all had a deal.

[2018] Like the way Nix had them set up where they were Nix Comics exclusives.

[2019] Uh -huh.

[2020] So they would just work for Nix.

[2021] But they gave you so much work.

[2022] Yeah.

[2023] You didn't want to branch out.

[2024] They booked the road, too, right?

[2025] They've had a few road kids.

[2026] I remember Bill Downs was a, do you remember?

[2027] Connection.

[2028] He used to book me on the road, too.

[2029] I worked for a private investigator when I was starting out when I was an open micer.

[2030] And this private investigator was Bill Downs' cousin.

[2031] I didn't find out about it until after I started working for him.

[2032] Wow.

[2033] And to this day, one of the funniest guys I've ever met in my life, just never did stand -up.

[2034] His name was Dick Dolan, Dave Dolan, rather.

[2035] He called himself Dynamite, Dickless Dave Dolan.

[2036] And he was...

[2037] Dickless Dave.

[2038] He was fucking hilarious.

[2039] I have a phone that I...

[2040] He died a couple years back, but I have a phone that I saved.

[2041] And I'll never get rid of because he's got a voicemail on that phone from him where he called me up.

[2042] It was like, I did a gig in Boston and I hung out with him.

[2043] I was like, Joe, like this, he was just a Boston character.

[2044] Right.

[2045] Just a hilarious dude.

[2046] Yeah.

[2047] And he was cousins with Bill Downs.

[2048] Funny, man. Which is just small world.

[2049] Bill Downs, what a guy.

[2050] That guy used to book me all the time.

[2051] Even though, even when I would do bad, he'd be like, I heard it didn't go that good.

[2052] I'd be like, yeah.

[2053] And I'm in my head.

[2054] I'm like, okay, it's over.

[2055] Big guy.

[2056] He'd call you big guy.

[2057] Hey, big guy.

[2058] Oh, yeah, he didn't go that good big guy.

[2059] Yeah, right, right, right.

[2060] Yes.

[2061] See, I know, but then he fucking, uh, get me another gig.

[2062] Oh, yeah.

[2063] In Quincy, there was some place in Quincy, man, I forget the name of that.

[2064] The naughty pine.

[2065] Mm -hmm.

[2066] Did you ever work for Dick Dardy?

[2067] I don't think so.

[2068] You never did Dick Dardy's comedy huts?

[2069] I don't think so.

[2070] Dick Dardy, who is the godfather.

[2071] He called himself the godfather of Boston comedy.

[2072] Oh, okay.

[2073] Yeah, he had a bunch of terrible games in the road.

[2074] Was that, like, 88 on?

[2075] Yeah, 88 on.

[2076] I fucking was in the scene in Boston more from 84 to 88.

[2077] Okay, so you were in the heyday.

[2078] So you got there, like, right?

[2079] I got there, it was huge.

[2080] I wasn't great.

[2081] But then, buddy, all of a sudden, I got on Saturday Night Live, I don't know, 89 or something.

[2082] And those same guys would come see me. All of a sudden, I got big into colleges.

[2083] And I was doing these fucking giant shows back then.

[2084] It was unbelievable, you know, 2 ,000, 3 ,000, 5 ,000 seats.

[2085] And the guys that I used to eat it in front of would come do the gigs with me. And they'd watch me and they'd be like, that fucking loser is killing now?

[2086] The fuck did that have?

[2087] It's again, the thing, when they see you in the beginning, they never respect you.

[2088] Right, right.

[2089] They remember you sucking.

[2090] Yeah, they were right.

[2091] They were right back then.

[2092] But it's hard for people to accept that you grew.

[2093] Yeah.

[2094] Which is weird.

[2095] That's true.

[2096] That's true.

[2097] It's like some fucking pro athletes It's like Jordan Fucking wasn't the man for a while Right He got cut from his high school team Exactly That shit's gonna happen In every every profession that You just gotta get Figure out what you're You just got to practice Did you always want to be on SNL Or was it something that came out?

[2098] I didn't even know It wasn't the thought I wanted to be a movie star I was cocky and tell them my friends in college I'm gonna be a fucking movie star they'd be like why why would you be a movie star look at you you got fucking and I'd be like you don't get it man I'm fucking and I thought I was good looking too I thought I was good looking like now I go how the fuck did I think I like I know I'm normal looking but I thought there was something fucking attractive about me that people are gonna be like that's a fucking stud right there and no I then I think I was doing stand up Dennis Miller said good shit about me to to S &L people and then Sandy Wernick was my manager and he knew all of them and they got me an audition and then I did it and then they hired me as asked me to be a writer and I remember saying to Hurley who knew more about SNL I didn't watch SNL that much I was kind of lost they were like it's really good Dana Carvey's incredible and I go yeah yeah he's great he's great and I was like but I kind of want to get in the movies and they were like and my buddies are like you should do SNL if there's that choice you know so you were thinking about not well I wasn't I wasn't sure wasn't sure I was kind of like let's see let's see I don't I'm not a writer so why am I going to become a writer it doesn't make any sense I'm not even that fucking good at that what was the audition like what did you have to do I did stand up at in Chicago improv it was me rock Dana Gould and a couple other guys and I did decent and the SNL people thought I wrote some funny shit.

[2099] Lauren thought I wrote some funny shit.

[2100] Robert Smigle thought I had some shit and then I got on.

[2101] Wow.

[2102] And Spade was on.

[2103] How old were you?

[2104] I was 23.

[2105] Whoa.

[2106] Yes, that was big.

[2107] That's nuts.

[2108] That's as cool as it gets.

[2109] What is that feeling like?

[2110] It was, uh, all of a sudden it became like you were in a rock band because I had, you know, Farley got on and fucking rock and and Spade and we would walk down the street and Schneider and Norm and we all, Tim Meadows, we were just always together.

[2111] So this is a crazy band confidence.

[2112] You know, if anyone talks shit about the show, we were at a restaurant like, it wasn't that good this Saturday.

[2113] We were just like, shut the fuck up, me. Like, we were fucking ready.

[2114] Because it was so many of us, you know?

[2115] It was like, but then when you were alone, and somebody says, I saw you, you're kind of like, huh, yeah?

[2116] You know, there's something cool about having.

[2117] a bunch of guys with you oh yeah with confidence yeah you got you got a team yeah yeah yeah 23 was it like like when when it was popping because you were on a great era of SNL too look at that fucking cast yes harman to met look at that fucking cast oh fucking look how young spade looks and rock oh my god cute yeah how frankin Jesus Christ yeah look at that cast that's when he was in the cast that year Nealyn, everybody loved.

[2118] Everybody loved an Ellen, Clegghorn I knew from the comic strip.

[2119] Wow.

[2120] And Melanie and Julia, all cool, all cool.

[2121] Very tight, became.

[2122] But we all love Neelan.

[2123] Every comedian loves Neelan.

[2124] Everybody, like, the way he dropped jokes in and fucking smooth as, smooth as hell.

[2125] Isn't it crazy looking at yourself back then?

[2126] I fucking don't know what I was thinking.

[2127] Spade sent me a fucking skit we did like six months ago, I was like, this is the first time this ever happened, Spade.

[2128] I don't fucking remember that one ounce.

[2129] I didn't even know what that thing was about.

[2130] I don't remember what it was, but I go, I didn't remember saying any of those words.

[2131] I didn't know what the jokes were.

[2132] I didn't know what the fucking ending was.

[2133] And he's like, you don't?

[2134] So I don't fucking remember that when you did, he goes, I sort of did.

[2135] But it was weird.

[2136] That's how I know I've been doing this so fucking long to this shit.

[2137] I know I've been doing this shit long when somebody comes up to me, a big famous motherfucker.

[2138] And we go, hey, man. I go, hey, nice to meet you.

[2139] And he's like, nice to meet you.

[2140] We met.

[2141] And I'm like, I fucking didn't remember meeting you?

[2142] What the fuck happened?

[2143] Well, your brain gets overwhelmed with people.

[2144] Yeah.

[2145] You know that number, Dunbar's number?

[2146] Do you know what that is?

[2147] No. Dunbar's number is a principle that you can only keep like 150 people in your head at any given time.

[2148] And then there's some people that you can keep kind of like in a distance, like acquaintances.

[2149] But there's like a tight group of a small number.

[2150] And then as it branches out, it gets to like 150.

[2151] Everything after that is very sketchy.

[2152] Wow.

[2153] And when you're famous, you're constantly meeting people, which is very unusual for human beings.

[2154] That's right.

[2155] Yeah, there you go.

[2156] Also, very unusual that they know you, but you don't know them.

[2157] Right.

[2158] So there's this weird thing.

[2159] But you go, nice to meet you.

[2160] You're like, we met.

[2161] Yeah.

[2162] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I forgot.

[2163] Sorry.

[2164] It's not I don't like you.

[2165] It's not I don't care.

[2166] I'm not mean.

[2167] I got hit with a bunch of them today, yeah.

[2168] Yeah, your brain's overwhelmed with people.

[2169] Right.

[2170] There's no room.

[2171] You don't have room.

[2172] It's like, remember the old phones where you can only keep like 100 contacts.

[2173] You only, that's all the phone, it had like one fucking little tiny hard drive.

[2174] And once you got over a certain, nobody keeps 100 people on your phone.

[2175] That's funny, yeah.

[2176] That's all it could take.

[2177] And that's how your brain is.

[2178] Your brain doesn't have room for all these people.

[2179] Yeah.

[2180] So it's not even your fault.

[2181] It's like your brain's not designed to be famous.

[2182] No one's brain is designed.

[2183] Never thought of it like that.

[2184] That's great.

[2185] That's great.

[2186] And then when you've done so many things, like as many things as you have, it's just normal that you're going to forget.

[2187] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2188] When the pandemic was going on, my kids found out about news radio.

[2189] They didn't know about news because I don't talk about your shit, yeah.

[2190] They're fucking, they're not impressed by me. My kids, my kids diss me all the time.

[2191] They're always crack at jokes of me. It's fun.

[2192] It's fun.

[2193] We talk a lot of shit, but it's fun.

[2194] But, you know, they watched me on news radio, and I watched one of the scenes.

[2195] I was like, I don't even remember this at all.

[2196] Oh, you had that too, right.

[2197] Oh, yeah.

[2198] I didn't remember it at all.

[2199] Don't remember being there.

[2200] Don't remember that room.

[2201] Remember not.

[2202] Occasionally.

[2203] I'll remember like four or five episodes.

[2204] Oh, yeah, I remember that one.

[2205] That was a fun episode.

[2206] That's funny, man. Yeah, but it's weird.

[2207] You know, your brain just doesn't have any room for it.

[2208] It's almost like it's a lie.

[2209] Like, I didn't do that.

[2210] This is a lie.

[2211] Oh, my God.

[2212] This is AI.

[2213] By the way, not one time I ever look back at that shit from 30 years ago and go, whoa, was I good.

[2214] I'm always like, geez, what the fuck were you doing?

[2215] What a fucking horrible performance there?

[2216] Well, I think that's probably.

[2217] a good sign.

[2218] That's a sign of a person who's not egocentric.

[2219] Right, right, right.

[2220] You kind of have a good sense of who you are.

[2221] Yeah, yes.

[2222] I hope so.

[2223] The people that think everything they did is amazing.

[2224] You ever go over someone's house and they want you to watch something that they've done?

[2225] Like, don't make me do this.

[2226] Oh, that's a toughy.

[2227] Don't make me do this.

[2228] Hey, got to watch my reel.

[2229] Like, no. No, that's a ruffie.

[2230] Don't make me watch this.

[2231] Yeah, yeah.

[2232] You can say to me, you don't do this, man. Don't do this.

[2233] This is for the best.

[2234] Also, I'll start chitting on you.

[2235] Yeah, yeah.

[2236] If you play that, I'm going to start shit, not you.

[2237] That's funny, man. It's got to be a bizarre feeling to be 23 years old and be on an iconic television show.

[2238] Oh, man, I was fucking never more excited to call home and talk to my New Hampshire buddies and be like, I mean, remember all that shit?

[2239] I said that was going to happen.

[2240] It's fucking happening.

[2241] I don't have to bullshit it right now.

[2242] It's really going.

[2243] And then when I would get on the show, say one line, whatever, it was just like, my parents, my family, my friends, just like, that was so, that was incredible.

[2244] You know, I would play the bus boy or the delivery guy.

[2245] It's just a half a line.

[2246] And it was like, holy shit, you did it.

[2247] You're on TV, man. Wow.

[2248] My first TV show was Showtime at the Apollo.

[2249] I did that.

[2250] That was my first thing I ever did.

[2251] Wow.

[2252] And they fucking sent a limo to pick us up.

[2253] It was, I lived in Chelsea.

[2254] How were we then?

[2255] I think I was 18 or 19.

[2256] I think it was 18.

[2257] That's crazy.

[2258] Went on and it was the second episode ever of Showtime at the Apollo.

[2259] The first was Rock, and Rock cursed so much that they didn't use his shit.

[2260] So I was like the first comedian to be on.

[2261] I fucking, I forget.

[2262] Shit, the host was a great guy.

[2263] Is this it?

[2264] Yes, that's Melba Moore.

[2265] Adam Sandler.

[2266] Oh, my God, yes.

[2267] This one goofy guy, terrified.

[2268] Look at that face!

[2269] Fucking young, dumb.

[2270] Uh -huh.

[2271] I don't know what's happening there.

[2272] How painful is this to watch?

[2273] Hurts.

[2274] Hurts.

[2275] Yeah, yeah.

[2276] Hit mute.

[2277] Hit mute.

[2278] Yeah, no, I fucking...

[2279] I can't say I was very good back then, but I had some fucking confidence.

[2280] What was the first movie you did?

[2281] First movie I did was pretty awesome.

[2282] I 22 moved out to L .A. did stand up at the improv.

[2283] It's probably my third time ever.

[2284] I get off stage, two or three nice youngsters, director, writers, came out to me, hey, that was good.

[2285] You want to be in a movie?

[2286] I said, yeah, for sure.

[2287] They were like, okay, we're going to make a movie.

[2288] We're doing a movie on a boat.

[2289] I said, okay, when, when?

[2290] Next week we leave.

[2291] I go, okay, great.

[2292] I said, do I have a big part?

[2293] They go, well, you're the star.

[2294] I go, okay, cool.

[2295] So I go home, I tell Judd, I was with all my buddies and Judd comes over and he goes What happened?

[2296] I said that they said I can start And they go what do you?

[2297] He goes Do they have a script?

[2298] I go Oh I don't know I don't I didn't even know There were scripts I knew nothing about it And then I just fucking went on a boat for six days And shot this movie At the time it was called the unsinkable Shecky Moskowitz But now it's called Babes -I -Hoy And I was 22 Wow And you were the star of the movie?

[2299] I was Shecky Whoa.

[2300] I don't know how it happened.

[2301] Milton Burrow was in it.

[2302] Whoa.

[2303] I had a scene with him, so I got to tell my parents I'm doing great.

[2304] What was Milton Burl like?

[2305] Very nice.

[2306] I already shows everybody's cock.

[2307] It was accidentally seen if I remember the big hog of his fellow out of his shorts.

[2308] He had a monster hog.

[2309] He had a very great dick.

[2310] And apparently he would show everybody his hog.

[2311] Imagine that about getting to show your dick and be in there.

[2312] Look at you.

[2313] By the way, I was in shape then.

[2314] Yeah, that's Adam.

[2315] Look at that.

[2316] Yeah, yeah, that's me, skinny.

[2317] And that's, yeah, yeah, I would get shut down by a girl there.

[2318] And that's when I was fucking young and happy.

[2319] 22 years old.

[2320] 22.

[2321] Wow.

[2322] Thanks for showing that.

[2323] It's good without volume.

[2324] And then what?

[2325] I don't know what happened, man. It's painful to see your young voice.

[2326] They're like, why did you talk like that?

[2327] I don't know.

[2328] I was an acting class at school, and I did a scene.

[2329] I thought I did great and then you know how they opened it up to the class to say shit one kid goes why is he talking like that and in my head I'm like what the fuck is this guy talking about why does you use that dumb voice I was like what fucking dumb boy but then I watch the shit back and oh that kid was right man fucking pathetic what was the first big movie you did um I was in Bobcat Goldthwaite made a movie called shakes the clown I remember that that was a great fucking movie that was excited yeah that was good does the alcoholic clown movie Exactly.

[2330] And Bobcat was funny as shit in it.

[2331] And he made me and Blake Clark, we were his best friends.

[2332] And that was it.

[2333] That was the big time.

[2334] Wow.

[2335] Loved it.

[2336] Shakes the clown.

[2337] That movie doesn't get enough love.

[2338] That was big.

[2339] I was like a lot of people liked it when, you know, it wasn't a massive hit, but it was cool as shit.

[2340] Yeah, it was cool.

[2341] It was a crazy movie.

[2342] Yeah.

[2343] It was like Bobcat stretching his wings.

[2344] Is this before, after Police Academy?

[2345] I think he did Police Academy.

[2346] first right yeah yeah wow man you got every fucking thing ready to go Julie Brown down down Julie Brown yeah wow man yes yes there's Bob on the ground or I think it is Bob Kat wow yeah and Florence Henderson was in it there he is yeah he knew what he was doing Bobcat he knew it a direct I didn't even know what he was talking about back then he's like I'm directing I was like well he directed the first episodes of the Chappelle show he did yeah I was in in New York, and I was walking down the street, and I was doing Carolines for the weekend.

[2347] Wow.

[2348] And I was just walking down the street, and I ran into Bobcat.

[2349] And I go, hey, man, what are you doing?

[2350] He goes, oh, I'm here with Dave Chappelle.

[2351] We're doing this show.

[2352] And I ran out to Dave, and Dave had a fake mustache on.

[2353] I go, Dave, what are you doing?

[2354] He goes, oh, hey, Joe, you want to be on my TV show?

[2355] I was like, okay.

[2356] What do I go?

[2357] I only got, like, an hour.

[2358] He goes, we're handing out medals for the best New York boobs.

[2359] And so he gives me this box of medals.

[2360] and me and him just walk around with this box of metals.

[2361] This is like 2001 -ish, something like that.

[2362] Yeah, look at Dave.

[2363] Wow, so funny, all I. I mean, you could never do this today.

[2364] You got the best New York booze.

[2365] Wow, look at you.

[2366] Fucking, hey.

[2367] Wow, that's so funny.

[2368] And it was just completely random.

[2369] Shit, he's just like Dave Chappelle there, too.

[2370] He wasn't coming up with a new guy.

[2371] He was very sure who he would.

[2372] Like, he's got his arm on her boobs.

[2373] You could.

[2374] You go to jail for that today You go to jail for that today Yeah It was just Bobcat was directing it That's so funny Yeah Just complete random Running Running to Bobcat In the middle of nowhere That's cool yes And he was older than us Where he was like He knew his shit Well he was a guy that like You know Bobcat had that crazy act Early on Where And then he decided He didn't want to do it anymore Yes Yes yes And then he would just do stand up And people like Hey where's Bob Yeah, right.

[2375] Fuck you.

[2376] Yeah, he fucking had, he stayed strong with quitting it.

[2377] Yeah, he had to stay strong with quittin.

[2378] He did a show with me about a year ago.

[2379] He came out a couple of times, I think, and fucking murdered.

[2380] It's a funny guy.

[2381] Yeah, yeah.

[2382] He was always a very funny stand -up.

[2383] Yeah.

[2384] But he was trapped in that character that he did, that screaming, crazy, pull -your -hair -out character.

[2385] You know, it's like there's guys that have characters like Emo Phillips.

[2386] He had that creak.

[2387] Wow, yeah.

[2388] And then.

[2389] Yeah, but you can't do that when you're 80.

[2390] Yes, I know.

[2391] I know, I know But I was trying to do that That's what I'm saying When I was young And I wasn't doing well I was like I started doing a guy Who was drunk on stage I started doing a guy Who was very nervous I don't know I was going for that shit too Just trying to find it I didn't know what I'm trying to be comfortable on stage You know Right And that's what you had going on Your live show I was like Whoa shit Comfortable Fucking not terrified You sat in moments Not easy to do I was in the zone.

[2392] You were in the zone.

[2393] How about the fact that you got in the zone when there are times when you walk on on stage in these pressure moments, you just go, I'm here.

[2394] I'm talking, but I'm not here right now.

[2395] My mouth is moving.

[2396] I don't know where the fuck is going on.

[2397] You didn't have that, though.

[2398] Well, I'd been through a bunch of those before.

[2399] So I knew never to let that happen when I was out there in the live show.

[2400] It's also why I was scared of doing it.

[2401] So I just really overprepared.

[2402] It's big.

[2403] I made sure that when I got out there, I was just, I just said to myself, everything that I'm talking about, every time I want to be only thinking about that subject.

[2404] I don't, I'm not going to let my mind deviate or go, oh my God, this is going good.

[2405] Don't fuck this up.

[2406] Don't fuck this up.

[2407] Don't fuck this up.

[2408] That's funny.

[2409] You can't think like that.

[2410] You got to, I felt like when I'm at my best, I'm only thinking about the thing I'm talking about.

[2411] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2412] And then you lock the audience in?

[2413] I think stand -up is a form of hypnosis.

[2414] Yes.

[2415] Do you think so, too?

[2416] Absolutely.

[2417] Yeah, yeah.

[2418] Yeah, I get exactly what you're saying.

[2419] You lock them in to the way you're...

[2420] And when I'm seeing a guy kill on stage, I'm locked in to the way they're thinking.

[2421] I'm letting them think for me. I'm just like, think for me. Right.

[2422] You know, and they're like, ah, this is so funny.

[2423] And it's like, it's a form of hypnosis.

[2424] And I said, the only way that that's going to really work is I have to just be completely dialed in.

[2425] Like, I wrote out all my bits.

[2426] I listened to recordings.

[2427] I watch videos.

[2428] I prepared for five hours the day of the show.

[2429] Wow.

[2430] Just watching video.

[2431] I went to the gym.

[2432] In the gym, I'm listening to my cell.

[2433] I'm just like, I want to be just dialed in.

[2434] I get like that.

[2435] Yeah.

[2436] 100 % dialed in.

[2437] Oh, that's a fucking great feeling.

[2438] Yeah.

[2439] When you go, I know all my shit, man. Because sometimes I'll do a tour.

[2440] Then I'll break down for two weeks because I got, you know, I can't be going too long.

[2441] And then I go, oh, shit, I got a gig again Friday.

[2442] And then I listen to the shit.

[2443] Yeah.

[2444] And then I start going, oh, yeah.

[2445] Oh, yeah.

[2446] fuck fuck you forget tags oh god yeah but then that two week break on a tour and then you go back out man you're psyched to say that shit again oh yeah and you come up with other shit to say and yeah but you do have to go over the material your brain doesn't remember anymore no no no like your stuff just goes away what about you with uh having shit that steps on the hardest part of doing an hour is fucking having the 10 minutes up front not hurt the fucking right it's just so crazy.

[2447] I got a lot of stuff, you know?

[2448] But it's been six years since my last special.

[2449] Like I said, I was thinking about doing a special in August of 2020.

[2450] Then the country shut down.

[2451] And then I didn't do stand -up for eight months.

[2452] And when I did do stand -up again, I remember I had to listen to old recordings.

[2453] Luckily, I record everything.

[2454] Yeah, that's good.

[2455] I have all my recordings on my phone.

[2456] So I listened to stuff.

[2457] And then I had to write things out.

[2458] But I remember the first set that I did, I did the Houston Improv.

[2459] And I hadn't done stand -up in forever.

[2460] And I remember when I was on State, it was like, ooh, this is weird.

[2461] Uh -huh.

[2462] I had never, in my whole career, I got knee surgery, and from my knee surgery, I took two weeks off.

[2463] They were like the most I had ever taken off ever.

[2464] Uh -huh.

[2465] And I think one other time I took a month off for some reason.

[2466] I forget why.

[2467] But that was weird, too.

[2468] But that was like when I was in the middle of a bunch of other stuff.

[2469] I was just working so much.

[2470] I didn't have any time.

[2471] And then I remember that was, and I don't do that again, because it feels awkward to get back.

[2472] But eight months was crazy.

[2473] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2474] It was just such a bizarre feeling.

[2475] Yeah, you forget.

[2476] how to do it yeah but it's kind of even just two weeks take two weeks and go back on stage again you feel weird like what am i doing it's all new shit yeah it's also the experience of doing it is weird yeah know how to do it but just feels it doesn't feel comfortable what a fucking odd feeling when you think about uh going on stage and just going yeah i'm basically telling all you people just watch me yeah for an hour right just watch me you're gonna it's worth your time I know you drove You got babysitters Yeah yeah yeah This is here we go Yeah you bought tickets in advance You planned your day out What a psycho of a human being Could just go Let me fucking Come look at this Yeah you have to be out of your fucking mind Or just really prepared Yeah man My special This one I did Probably two and a half hours Shit And had to You know Josh Safty And we all Had to pick the right the shit we thought was the right shit.

[2477] But I did have so much shit.

[2478] By the time I did the special, I just came off the road.

[2479] And so I just had.

[2480] Where'd you record it?

[2481] Place in Glendale, a little theater.

[2482] Oh, cool.

[2483] Hey, yeah, can I, I'm sorry to interrupt.

[2484] Can I hit it?

[2485] Can I pee for one?

[2486] Yeah, we can wrap this up.

[2487] We've done two hours and 40 minutes.

[2488] We did?

[2489] Yeah.

[2490] We've been in that long?

[2491] Yeah, we've been in that long.

[2492] It's fucking insane.

[2493] This is the setup.

[2494] Oh, that's my first.

[2495] my first Netflix.

[2496] I like the backrop, the backdrop too.

[2497] It's just normal.

[2498] Yeah, that's cool.

[2499] It's like, did you set it up like that or is that just what it looked like back there?

[2500] That was it.

[2501] That was that theater.

[2502] I forgot the name of that theater.

[2503] It's a cool.

[2504] So it's left it the way it looks.

[2505] Yeah, yeah.

[2506] That actually, that day was, you know, Paul Thomas Anderson, the great guy and a great director.

[2507] He shot that shit.

[2508] How many people are there in the crowd?

[2509] Some, that one there.

[2510] That's that first special I did like five, six, years ago that some are like big ass joints you know like big arena things some are like 200 300 but the new one the new one was only like I don't know 200 200 people 250 oh wow it was real small nice that's a great way to do it too because the people that in the audience yeah there's 200 people like so people at home it's going to be like you're there instead of being in an arena where you like you feel disconnected you can laugh at the jokes but you don't feel like you're there that that's exactly would uh so josh saffty he directed it he wanted it to feel like you're getting to hang out with me and uh it's kind of like just shit goes on throughout the show that's that's wasn't supposed to happen and uh and that's that it shows me before a show during the show and after the show and uh man we had fun it is a great fucking vibe that place that was not a comedy club it was just a little theater that they do um these people bought a theater they put on little plays there and shit and then Josh liked it and they made it kind of feel like a stand -up That's awesome And when is it out?

[2511] What day?

[2512] The 27th.

[2513] August 27th, yeah.

[2514] Okay, it's a couple weeks from now.

[2515] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2516] All right, man. I congratulate on yours.

[2517] Congratulations on everything, buddy.

[2518] Thanks, congratulations to you too.

[2519] My piss ended the whole thing.

[2520] I appreciate it.

[2521] All right, right on, man. It's amazing you hung in this long.

[2522] A lot of people, an hour and a half in, they start clamping up.

[2523] That's good, man. I just mentally said I got to get past step missing, man. Well, thank you, brother.

[2524] I appreciate you.

[2525] Thanks for being here, too.

[2526] Good to see you, Joe.

[2527] Congratulations.

[2528] Thank you.

[2529] Keep up to all the good work.

[2530] See how to your family, too.

[2531] Thank you.

[2532] All right.

[2533] Bye, everybody.