Elizabeth Banks

[0] Hey, my name is Elizabeth Banks, and I feel cautiously optimistic about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[1] Who else was cautiously optimistic?

[2] Michelle Obama.

[3] Michelle Obama said cautiously optimistic.

[4] No way.

[5] I had the same answer as Michelle Obama.

[6] But then she changed it later to pessimistic.

[7] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brandy shoes, walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens, I can.

[8] Can tell that we are going to be friends.

[9] Can tell that we are going to be friends.

[10] Hey there.

[11] Welcome to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend.

[12] Podcast.

[13] It features not just me, but two lovely companions.

[14] I meant that.

[15] Sonom of Sessian, assistant I hired in 2009, I believe.

[16] Yeah.

[17] And at the time you did, did you work in the travel department at NBC?

[18] I worked in the publicity department.

[19] and events and operations.

[20] That's right.

[21] I did a lot of their fun parties and stuff.

[22] I saw you at a party years before I worked for you.

[23] Yep.

[24] Yeah, all the best parties I ever went to were NBC parties.

[25] Always a melting peacock ice sculpture.

[26] And the cast of wings.

[27] Anyway, and Matt Corley, how are you?

[28] I'm well, thank you.

[29] How are you?

[30] I'm doing all right.

[31] I think I'm doing okay.

[32] It's nice.

[33] I am drinking.

[34] I don't know why.

[35] recently, I just started, switched over.

[36] I had this bad habit of I drink a lot of diet soda.

[37] People have been telling me that's not good for you.

[38] So I switched over to iced green tea.

[39] And I think I'm going to live an extra day.

[40] And that's it.

[41] I am of that mind because my wife is very much, she's so naturally healthy.

[42] Yeah.

[43] And I'm quite fatalistic about it.

[44] That might be sort of an Irish quality, but I just think, ah, you go and you go.

[45] And so all this, I think I could eat all kinds of healthy stuff and drink all kinds of healthy stuff, which I do, but I don't think it's going to change things much.

[46] It's a tough call, right?

[47] Because you want to prolong your life, but you also want to enjoy your life.

[48] So where do you draw the line?

[49] Well, I would like to be a burden on my children.

[50] Okay, that's hard.

[51] So I want to do that thing where I become very old, very quickly.

[52] And then I have to, I'm just a huge pain in the ass.

[53] Okay.

[54] I feel like after a while, people will just leave you in your wheelchair just like in the corner.

[55] I'm sorry.

[56] I was just checking.

[57] That's a lot of caffeine.

[58] Is it?

[59] Isn't it?

[60] Well, green tea has less caffeine than coffee.

[61] I know, but the amount he's drinking?

[62] I do.

[63] But you know what?

[64] Caffeine does not affect me. Are you sure?

[65] Yes.

[66] This is a fact, and you can check this.

[67] Where would I check this?

[68] I know.

[69] How would we know if it affects you?

[70] You could ask my wife, I will drink coffee at night.

[71] and then go to sleep.

[72] I can have, I've had massive doses of coffee and then gone right to sleep and they say that it's a gene, that it's a, they say it's a red -haired thing, but I need tons of anesthetic to put me down.

[73] Really?

[74] Yeah.

[75] No, they have to hit me with like seven rhino darts when I go to the dentist if they just want to put a, you know, drill a new cavity.

[76] Because they're always saying, okay, that's enough.

[77] And then they start to put the drill and I go, they die!

[78] And they say, really more?

[79] And I go, ha, ha, ha!

[80] And then they come in.

[81] And sometimes, I've seen as many as, like, seven people come in with different syringes.

[82] It's because you're so caffeinated.

[83] They're all jabbing at my head.

[84] And then finally, they get this crazy cobra to settle down.

[85] And they work on my chompies, which is what I call my teeth.

[86] Really?

[87] Crazy cobra.

[88] Crazy cobra of the chompies?

[89] And the chompies.

[90] That's my band.

[91] I'm crazy.

[92] It's crazy cobras.

[93] Oprah and the Chompies tonight at the Odeon Theater.

[94] Is it true, the red -headed thing in anesthesia?

[95] Really?

[96] Sounds reliable.

[97] No, I've heard it from doctors.

[98] I actually heard it from an anesthetian that there is a, they think that there is a link to the red -haired gene and a tolerance for all kinds of anesthetics.

[99] Was this anesthetologist red -headed?

[100] Yeah.

[101] Is being red -headed and, I'm not saying this to be mean.

[102] an abnormality.

[103] Like, is there something about your genetic structure that is...

[104] Are you a freak?

[105] Weird and not proper.

[106] Well, I wouldn't recommend it.

[107] How about that?

[108] Because it usually means you have very fair skin, which I do.

[109] Yeah.

[110] Which means I'm really, especially these days, with the amount of light coming from the sun that permeates our damaged atmosphere.

[111] Yeah, I'm doomed.

[112] I'm doomed.

[113] And we are, but it's a very, it's a very strange gene.

[114] My brothers and sisters were not redheads and when I look at these pictures of me as a little kid and my hair was even brighter it was like a carrot red.

[115] It's like a glitch.

[116] It's like having webbed feet.

[117] Well, I do have webbed feet.

[118] You know that, right?

[119] You know that, prove it.

[120] When I said it, when I said it, I think it's a little disgusting.

[121] I didn't, I remember you saying this when I said it, I didn't know that, you did, but...

[122] Oh, this is like when I showed my back.

[123] Oh, God, look at that.

[124] Yeah, that's a...

[125] Yes, my...

[126] Was it my third and fourth toe?

[127] There's webbing in between it.

[128] Did your mom...

[129] Did she, like, I don't know, was she drinking?

[130] Well, she was drinking plutonium in the second and third trimester.

[131] You're like the water world guy.

[132] You're like a mariner.

[133] You can swim faster.

[134] He's evolved.

[135] Yeah, maybe I'm more highly evolved because I have webbing on one of my feet between the third and fourth toe.

[136] You know what's a drag for me?

[137] Swimming?

[138] No. I'm quite a good swimmer.

[139] No, what's a drag for me is by if I wanted and I don't.

[140] But I was in like an REI once and I love REI.

[141] And I say that all the time, but it's like my happy place.

[142] I love to look at all the different gear.

[143] And I went over to the like boot section to check everything out.

[144] And they had those kind of cool.

[145] things that you put on your feet, and it's like a rubbery glove that goes on your feet that allows your foot to move more naturally, and they're designed in such a way so that each toe slides in.

[146] You're calling those cool?

[147] The toe shoes.

[148] The toe shoes.

[149] You touched a bullet.

[150] Yeah.

[151] Hold on.

[152] This person was telling me all the advantages of them.

[153] This is a very sad moment in my life.

[154] This woman was saying, oh, they're really, it's great for this and great for that.

[155] And I said, well, you know, I'll try one on.

[156] So she went and she started to slide it on my foot.

[157] And because of my webbing, it stopped.

[158] And she kept pushing.

[159] And she said, what's wrong?

[160] I can't get this on.

[161] And I was like, ah.

[162] And then she took it off and she went, eh!

[163] Monster!

[164] Monster!

[165] The rhino darts!

[166] Yeah, I mean, it was just, uh...

[167] My webbing.

[168] Yeah.

[169] No, I know that...

[170] I don't really think those are cool.

[171] But, you know, when you...

[172] can't have something, you only want it more.

[173] Yeah.

[174] So the other day I'm walking along and I see this guy strolling in those same feet gloves and he's strolling along and I'm enraged.

[175] Really?

[176] That I can't have that.

[177] Oh, you dodged a bullet.

[178] Those shoes would give me toe claustrophobia.

[179] I couldn't put those on.

[180] Toll claustrophobia.

[181] Sure.

[182] Okay.

[183] Here's what I'm going to say.

[184] I have heard those shoes are better.

[185] But I also think your abnormalities.

[186] Stop, what do you, why you?

[187] Which are, stop saying, like your freckles, too, probably aren't.

[188] I'm saying there are normal people, and then there's abnormal people with abnormal qualities.

[189] What's sad about freckles, what's sad about freckles.

[190] You're not trying.

[191] You're not trying at all.

[192] I'm being scientific about this.

[193] It's not normal to be a redhead.

[194] I'm like two minutes from being chased into a tower.

[195] Yeah.

[196] Then set a fire by an angry mid -century.

[197] mob.

[198] You know, what's said about freckles is that it's the, it's a terrible idea.

[199] But its evolution was thinking, uh, we got to help this guy out a little bit.

[200] Let's give him a little bit of skin tone in tiny splotches here and there all over his body.

[201] And I'm just keeping about wherever the assembly line is, wherever dimension the assembly line is, they're like, oh, he has no melanin.

[202] He's just the whitest thing we've ever seen.

[203] Give him some protection.

[204] What do you mean?

[205] Splatter him with a little bit.

[206] Okay.

[207] Okay, we did.

[208] It doesn't look right.

[209] Hey, change his hair to a carrie orange.

[210] How's that?

[211] Does that help?

[212] Not really.

[213] I've got it.

[214] Grab his left foot and create a duck -like webbing between his third and fourth dough.

[215] Should we do both feet?

[216] No, no. Okay.

[217] What are you stupid?

[218] Sorry, sorry.

[219] Just the left.

[220] Good.

[221] I think he's ready to go.

[222] Hey, I know.

[223] One last thing.

[224] Load him up with self -hate.

[225] And pull the lever.

[226] There he goes.

[227] Where did he land in that family where everyone's yelling?

[228] Hey, my grandpa was a red -headed fellow, and I have very fond memories of him.

[229] And I think you're a fine -looking distinguished gentleman.

[230] Thank you.

[231] Thank you.

[232] I appreciate that.

[233] What the fuck?

[234] What the fuck?

[235] now.

[236] I'm the asshole.

[237] Well, you know what you did.

[238] I'm saying scientifically, these things are not given to everybody else.

[239] You're saying in the assembly line, they're like, oh, fix it.

[240] I think in the assembly line they were like, let's fuck this one up.

[241] She's saying you're abnormal scientifically.

[242] I'm just saying, let's fuck this one up.

[243] Who on the assembly line ever says that?

[244] What Kebler elf ever?

[245] What, what, what?

[246] What technician at Ford or Chrysler or BMW ever said, let's fuck this one up?

[247] Let's make him really tall and skinny too.

[248] Let's give him really long feet and make them super tall.

[249] There's a reason a lot of people aren't redheads.

[250] I'm just saying it's just...

[251] What's the reason?

[252] Because it's not normal.

[253] Sorry.

[254] No, no, no, I'm good.

[255] I love you.

[256] You know I love you.

[257] I know you love me the way Cher loved the boy in mask.

[258] Rocky Dennis.

[259] Yeah, sure.

[260] Sure, I'll throw in a Rocky Dennis reference anytime.

[261] Thanks a lot, Son, and I love you too.

[262] And I'm going to go out and fit myself for a bag that goes on my head.

[263] All right, let's get into it.

[264] My guest today is an actress producer and director, you know, from such films as Wet Hot American Summer, Pitch Perfect, and The Hunger Games, her new movie, which she directed.

[265] I love this title, is called Cocaine Bear.

[266] It is out right now.

[267] Awesome title.

[268] I'm thrilled.

[269] She's here today.

[270] Elizabeth Banks, welcome.

[271] Thrilled to have you here on the podcast.

[272] That's a strong word.

[273] I am thrilled.

[274] I'm going to say that because a number of reasons always admired you and think you're incredibly cool, but we also became friendly.

[275] You and your man, me and my lady.

[276] I'm in it for the wife.

[277] That's the only reason I'm friends made.

[278] Exactly.

[279] I get that.

[280] What's your saying, Sona?

[281] My favorite thing about Conan is Eliza.

[282] By the way, I remember talking to someone, Liz is like 10 years ago now.

[283] And they were like, you know, I liked you when I met you.

[284] And then I met your husband and I liked you more.

[285] And I thought, I think that's a compliment.

[286] I'm not sure.

[287] I think.

[288] I don't know if it is.

[289] But it made me feel confident that I chose well.

[290] You chose very well.

[291] Right?

[292] Like he can hang.

[293] out.

[294] He's nice.

[295] Are you kidding?

[296] He's a delight.

[297] He's really smart, cool.

[298] And we've hung out a bunch of times in situations where we're on vacation, we bump into each other.

[299] Yeah.

[300] And let's just say a skiing kind of place.

[301] Yes.

[302] And you're with your family.

[303] I'm with my family.

[304] And we end up hanging out.

[305] And I remember very clearly you inviting us over for charades.

[306] Yeah.

[307] One night.

[308] And And running charades.

[309] You were running it.

[310] Yeah.

[311] No, it's called running charades.

[312] What do you mean?

[313] The game is not just simple charades.

[314] It's running charades.

[315] Like you have teams in different parts of the house.

[316] Okay.

[317] All right.

[318] We have to run to get your clues and then go give them.

[319] That's right.

[320] We were all in separate parts of this house and it divided us into teams and then we had to run and there'd be, I don't know what you'd call this person, the wizard or whoever, the game master.

[321] The giver.

[322] The giver was on these back stairs and you'd say what the clue is and then you'd have to run back to your team and here's what I learned that night.

[323] You're one of the most competitive people I've ever met in my life.

[324] Elizabeth Banks is terrifying.

[325] You're a terrifying person.

[326] Truly, no one who actually knows me would disagree with that statement.

[327] And what's great is, you were really determined to win and I kept thinking this is fun, but then you'd win and you'd be like, In your face!

[328] We won!

[329] You're not wrong that I don't.

[330] I'm not a gentle winner.

[331] Where does that come from?

[332] Because we have some things in common.

[333] We both come from Massachusetts.

[334] Obviously, I'm 70 years older than you, but you come from Pittsfield Mass. Yes.

[335] And, you know, large Irish Catholic family.

[336] That's right.

[337] I come from Brooklyn Mass. That's one of the things we've bonded over time.

[338] So how did you turn out cooler than me?

[339] I'm not.

[340] You actually are.

[341] You are, though.

[342] Yeah, you kind of kill us.

[343] Well, you know, so half my family is also gingers.

[344] And so that's another thing I like about you.

[345] You remind me of home in all the best things.

[346] But I didn't get the ginger.

[347] So I think that's part of it.

[348] Like, I didn't have to grow up worrying daily about, like, being made fun of it.

[349] Oh, okay.

[350] Now it's good.

[351] Like, nobody gets made fun of it.

[352] First of all, you're not allowed to make fun of people now.

[353] I don't know if you know about that.

[354] I know.

[355] Like, that's not allowed anymore.

[356] Right.

[357] Can't do it.

[358] It's good.

[359] Keep kind in mind at all times.

[360] That's the whole thing.

[361] Yeah, yeah.

[362] I think making fun of people is going to come back and going to come back strong.

[363] And I'll be ready when it does.

[364] There's going to be a whisper campaign.

[365] You wanted to come back, but didn't people make fun of you?

[366] Why would you say that?

[367] You always say you were awkwardly tall, had really long legs.

[368] You were like 40 pounds.

[369] Yes.

[370] Yes.

[371] Yes.

[372] and abused.

[373] But in the best ways, I just, I mean, I had a, I had a great bully, like a really good bully.

[374] She was excellent.

[375] She was good at her job of the bully thing.

[376] And frankly, like, what a great.

[377] She was a professional bully.

[378] Pretty much.

[379] So I had to walk, like, I know this is very tropey, but I did walk through the woods over rivers, the whole thing to go to school.

[380] And after school, those woods became like the bully zone.

[381] You know, like if you were walking home afterwards and you didn't want to smoke cigarettes with the guys who hung out on or like dirt bikes, you just got bullied by them.

[382] So I understand bullies in the woods is a whole different thing.

[383] I remembered encountering bullies over near Stevens Market at the point, not far from our house.

[384] It's one of the packies, one of the packies by your house.

[385] Exactly.

[386] But what I'm just imagining walking through beautiful woods in this nice part of Massachusetts, this rural part of Massachusetts.

[387] sits, and then you just, a bully steps out behind a tree.

[388] That's literally what it was like.

[389] That's literally what it was like.

[390] So, but the great news is that I stood up to my bully in like fifth or sixth grade.

[391] Must have been six.

[392] I was because I was in middle school.

[393] North middle school.

[394] That's all we had.

[395] It's north south.

[396] You went to, I lived off of North Street.

[397] This is North Middle School.

[398] And I came, she was pushing her friends into me in the line, you know, in the lineup to go back in from lunch or we never recess, I don't think, in sixth grade maybe.

[399] Anyway, and I, and I finally, I just had it.

[400] And I turned around and I pushed her back and she fell to the ground in front of everyone.

[401] And it was super embarrassing for her.

[402] And I was like, I'm a superhero.

[403] I never felt like the adrenaline of like the whole thing and like, I've defeated my boat, you know.

[404] And the best part was I happened to be chewing gum which is not allowed And so I didn't get in trouble for pushing the ground No one saw because there was like a whole group That like circled around us You know at the moment And then one of her friends like pulled her up And everyone was just in shock That I fought back Yeah And then and so I turned around like Towing my gum with my adrenaline running Yeah And the like monitor at the door was like Yeah Gum And was like you have detention and the worst thing at that moment I could get was detention because the bullies all got detention and so then you had to walk home the 30 minutes later there was no one in the woods to save you if you were alone in the woods with the bully I had to go with the pack so I literally remember I went to the detention person I don't know and was like I can't stay after school like I'm being bullied by this person I can't say their name because I don't want to get them in trouble because I'm not a narc and but all I was doing was doing gum can I do it like I'll do extra homework like anything but I cannot walk home alone 30 minutes after school ends and I don't know they took they took pity on me and I did not actually have to serve detention so I got away with everything that day and I was like I felt pretty darn good yeah I think that's what it is I think you have to fight back a little bit with the bullies There's a quote you have that I saw that I thought is really fascinating, which is you, I think I'm getting this right.

[405] But you said, you feel like you're a character actor that's trapped in a leading lady's body.

[406] And I thought, that's so true because you're stunning.

[407] You're stunningly attracted.

[408] No, seriously.

[409] Yeah, you are beautiful.

[410] You should just know, you're beautiful.

[411] We're not being nice.

[412] We're sort of just like stunned.

[413] And I feel that way every time I run into you and you've, but you've got, you know, it's crazy to act like it's a contradiction at all.

[414] But your comedy chops are so crazy good that to have both and then also to have all these other ambitions that you have, I think is very, maybe it's unusual.

[415] You know, it didn't used to be that.

[416] I think about like the old movies stars of, you know, the Greta Garbo's and like the men.

[417] West of the world.

[418] Like, they were so cute.

[419] And, like, even, like, Catherine Hepburn and Audrey Hepburn.

[420] They got to, yes, they were, like, leading ladies.

[421] I mean, Audrey Hepburn, probably more than the rest of that list.

[422] But they were, like, you know, Joan Crawford was like a broad, you know?

[423] Like, she really got Rosalind Russell, like, anti -Mame.

[424] It was, like, my favorite thing growing up.

[425] Like, I was like, I just want to be anti -Mame.

[426] And that's what's always appealed to me, you know?

[427] But just people who really got to.

[428] chew up the scenery and, like, do physical comedy as well as, I don't know, do everything.

[429] And then there became, like, these ingenues who were just, like, damsels in distress.

[430] And I've played a lot of those, my, like, girlfriends, the girl, you know.

[431] There's not much to do.

[432] Just kind of like be in the movie with the guy, like, you know.

[433] It was just not really, I don't know.

[434] When I saw you in 40 -year -old Virgin, obviously, you were, you know, crazy, attractive.

[435] popping on the screen, but also the way you were playing it was so funny in a different way that I hadn't quite seen before.

[436] You know?

[437] And I remember thinking, she's so funny in this way.

[438] I haven't seen anyone else quite do this.

[439] It could have been a character that was just kind of there, but then it just became like a really funny character because how you did it.

[440] So much fun doing that.

[441] Beth.

[442] With the, I think, a little fong singing out.

[443] I did have a song too.

[444] Not that I remember.

[445] Yeah, you really remember that one.

[446] I was escorted out of that movie four times.

[447] You kept coming back in?

[448] Yeah, I kept coming in and saying, It's my right!

[449] I have not seen that movie in a long time.

[450] But, you know, who did was my friend's kid, who's 13.

[451] Oh, no. Oh, wow.

[452] Oh, wow.

[453] He's like, so he had a bar mitzvah, and then he watched the 40 -year -old virgin.

[454] And I was like, I'm literally his, like, auntie.

[455] And now he'd like to speak with you if possible.

[456] I was like, what were you thinking?

[457] He's like, I kind of forgot about that.

[458] Like, really?

[459] Also, you have, I mean, in the comedy where, like, people like Paul Rudd, you've really clicked with him as well.

[460] Yeah, I've worked with Paul, like, six times or something.

[461] Now, maybe like four or five.

[462] A bunch.

[463] A lot.

[464] Yeah.

[465] I mean, he never calls me. Well, that's Rudd.

[466] He's just how he is.

[467] Just busy being Ant -Man.

[468] Don't belittle He's belittled He is He really is That's the whole point of it, Conan His whole power is that he is belittled You're right You're right How dare you belittle Ant men Paul wherever you are We're sorry So tell me about how you Because I'm curious about just getting The arc here I know that you The arc I'm trying to That's what I I know I like it find because you're doing a timeline of my life okay I understand where you come from yes you better than most I understand that Irish Catholic thing it's so funny that when you said that you were chewing gum my mom who's a wonderful woman great mom but she had this almost Victorian Irish Catholic division when it came to the boys and the girls so she had this thing where my my brothers and I could fuck up in any way and she'd be like oh those boys and if if one of my sisters chewed gum She was like, You spit that gum out You know what you look like?

[469] I'm trying!

[470] Yeah.

[471] And we'd be in the corner I'd have like nine sticks of gum in my mouth.

[472] She wouldn't say anything to me. No. She'd say, oh, he's a good little boy.

[473] Let's hope that hair changes color.

[474] And then she'd whip around and one of them, my nice sisters would come in there and go, hello, my mother.

[475] You spit that.

[476] I remember I wanted to get my ears pierced and my parents were like, you're going to look like a pirate.

[477] Okay.

[478] Is that bad?

[479] I don't even know if that's bad.

[480] No, any, it was so strange.

[481] Only pirates have they.

[482] It's what?

[483] I don't think that's true.

[484] No. And also, we're talking about like the 70s for me and like 80s for you.

[485] And it's just like this, I don't know, it's this crazy time.

[486] No, I think it's just how some family, my family was like that.

[487] They let Danny get away with anything.

[488] And then with me, it was totally different.

[489] The rules are different.

[490] In Armenian culture, it's, I'm guess it's the same thing, which is Danny's the boy so he can do whatever he wants.

[491] Yeah, but I didn't know Irish families were like that, too.

[492] Right.

[493] Oh, my gosh.

[494] Yeah.

[495] My uncle, my mom is one of seven.

[496] There's six girls and a boy.

[497] My uncle, who I love, love you, Uncle Ricky, who I think is Matt Conan.

[498] But he like got kicked out of schools and kicked out of high school and da -da -da.

[499] He's on the hockey team.

[500] he's lost all of his front teeth.

[501] Like, he's like, you know, plays it's super ultra -vind.

[502] Like, went to Harvard.

[503] Like, do you know?

[504] No one care.

[505] Like, you just get away with whatever they want.

[506] Yeah, yeah.

[507] It's the way it should be.

[508] It's the way it should be?

[509] Yeah, I think so.

[510] I think it builds character.

[511] I thought we were complaining about it.

[512] You were saying that's how we should stick.

[513] I know.

[514] And then I realized, what am I sticking up for my sisters for?

[515] I love that gum.

[516] But, like, girls always had to, I always felt like the girls had to work, like, twice as hard, you know?

[517] Yeah.

[518] And also I think about the picture of, me in my little virginal white you know first communion dress and it's like that's how they want to picture you all the time when you're little i wore the same dress at my communion i'm wondering what that was all about uh i remember being scared of communion you know confession what's that confession was terrifying yeah confession's terrifying because you'd go in there and i would always freeze up and just make up things because i'm not going to say what i'm really doing no kid says what they're really doing no kid says you don't go in there and go I'm like, well, anyway, I touched myself.

[519] You don't say that to a priest.

[520] No. They are, they're psyched if they hear that.

[521] Yeah.

[522] But you know, it's so weird.

[523] Like, you don't see the priest.

[524] There's just like this silhouette.

[525] But you lie?

[526] Don't you feel guilty lie?

[527] Well, you say, and I lied.

[528] And then you get forgiven.

[529] So it doesn't fucking matter.

[530] Is that how you ended every confession?

[531] And then something else.

[532] And then, hey, it doesn't fucking matter anyway.

[533] Does it, Padre?

[534] Chomp.

[535] My dear, are you chewing gum?

[536] You're fucking bad I'm chewing gum.

[537] I remember sitting in the pew and going, I was in high school, and our friend, his name is Gordy.

[538] He goes in.

[539] And, you know, we all would make a pack.

[540] Like, I mean, you're not going to tell him this.

[541] We're not telling him we're having sex or anything.

[542] And it's like, no, of course not.

[543] So it's like, yeah.

[544] Like you go on, you'd be like, I, you know, I took the Lord's name in vain and I fought with my parents.

[545] And I lied to da -da -da, and I cheated on math.

[546] whatever.

[547] And then, you know, and you just kind of like, finally be like, five Hail Marys.

[548] Okay, great, right?

[549] That was very typically how it went.

[550] So Gordy's in there.

[551] And all of a sudden, we hear like the priests kind of start, like raising his voice, which never happens.

[552] Right.

[553] And then Gordy kind of comes out, bright red, won't look us in the eye, like goes up to the front, kneels down, and start doing what, you know, is normally five Hail Marys.

[554] So we're all like, what the heck just happened with Gordy, you know?

[555] So we go in, I go in, I go.

[556] wind and then we all we've all gone we've all gone up we've all done our prayers our little penance we're all standing out front for like half an hour it's getting dark gordy's still up there and to this day i still am like you don't know what he did what he did what he did but he had to say like 700 ,000 hail mary like i like i would think it was like you're you might go to hell for this like oh my god you know it's poor gordon i don't know what he did we're going to get some people it probably wasn't even anything gordon gordon call on whatever gordon You know, it's crazy.

[557] When you think about it now, it's such a weird thing we all just accepted that you say to the priest, I did this, I stole, you know, I ate a piece of chocolate cake when I wasn't supposed to.

[558] I took the extra Pop -Tart.

[559] I used the Lord's name in vain.

[560] And then it's like going to an auto body guy and he gives you an estimate.

[561] Yeah.

[562] He's like, right off the top of his head, that's six Hail Mary's, three our fathers.

[563] Maybe do a rosary.

[564] Do a rose, you know, whatever.

[565] And it's just like, like, he can hear it, like one of those people that can guess your weight.

[566] Yeah.

[567] 162, wow, you nailed it.

[568] And if you get a second opinion, it's probably like fewer Hail Mary.

[569] You know what they should have had is another confessional where you could say, you know what?

[570] Let me get another rate.

[571] I'm going to get another rate.

[572] I want to know if I can do it in three Helmary's.

[573] Can I get in the heaven with just three?

[574] But I really did.

[575] I lied and just would say things like I, and they were almost biblical.

[576] I envied, I coveted my neighbor's wife.

[577] It's like, how old are you?

[578] Eleven?

[579] Exactly.

[580] I lay with the sheep.

[581] You did what?

[582] It's all biblical nonsense.

[583] Such, I know.

[584] Anyway.

[585] Organized religion.

[586] So I want to ask you about, because it feels to me like in your career, I mean, I loved you on 30 Rock.

[587] And I think that was supposed to be just, I mean, it wasn't planned to be a recurring role.

[588] No. And then you came on as Jack Donahey's lady at love interest.

[589] And how quickly did you know, oh, this is going, this is going places?

[590] Well, I went in for, I had two episodes, I think, was the initial, like, offer.

[591] Like, come in and do a little quick thing, two episodes.

[592] I was playing, you know, this news, this Fox News type newscaster.

[593] And then like a month or so later, it was like, hey, did you like doing that?

[594] You want to come back and do this?

[595] Sure.

[596] And then it was like three years later and suddenly I was pregnant with his baby when we were getting married.

[597] That's nice.

[598] So it's pretty nice.

[599] Yeah, I really enjoyed working on that show.

[600] Loved it.

[601] And then, of course, pitch perfect is where it felt like things really ramp up in a great way because you get to, you get more control.

[602] You get to move closer into a different role.

[603] Well, so my husband and I, who have a company together, Brownstone Productions.

[604] We produced Pitch Perfect, all three of those, and I directed the second one.

[605] And, you know, it was my first foray into doing, yeah, making more of my Hollywood life, I guess, than just acting and hanging out by the phone waiting for somebody to call.

[606] But you know, it's occurring to me now.

[607] I'm remembering that Lucille Ball, you see photos of her in the 1940s?

[608] Stunning.

[609] I mean, gorgeous.

[610] Like you, a leader.

[611] lady.

[612] But definitely a character like she's someone that's who I should have named when I was naming those things.

[613] You know what?

[614] Can we edit that?

[615] No, we can't afford that.

[616] Make sure.

[617] I didn't mean to say Audrey Hepburn.

[618] Fuck Audrey Hepburn.

[619] I meant to say Lucia Ball.

[620] Someone went after Audrey Hepper.

[621] I went to say Lucille Ball is who you know when you see you know people think of her as Lucy and and the you know and you see pictures of her in the 40s and she just dropped dead supermodel gorgeous and then to have those kind of comedy chops but then she and her husband take over uh they figure out a way to own the factory and i think they had the largest deal at cbs like that had ever happened at that point yeah at some point i think like now ryan murphy has one of those or shonda rhymes has a bigger one like and the day that would have been Lucy and Desi's.

[622] Yeah, but also they, I don't think it had been done before.

[623] No. I don't think anybody had done that.

[624] I mean, taken control, you know.

[625] Of the whole thing.

[626] Yeah, and I think that there used to be just a different attitude.

[627] I mean, obviously in the 20s and 30s and 40s, like, shut up an act.

[628] Don't worry your pretty little head about it.

[629] Yeah.

[630] We'll take care of this.

[631] And so.

[632] And suddenly they were like, no, no, no, you can't do any of it without us.

[633] We own the whole thing.

[634] Yeah, it was amazing.

[635] They were incredible, they were incredible, they were incredible business too.

[636] Yeah.

[637] Something to truly strive for, yeah, Lucy.

[638] Well, I wanted to talk to you because the last time, this was a very funny thing, I was talking to you, I saw you around Christmas time, Lise and I see you, and we're hanging out, and we get dinner, and this really happened.

[639] I'm telling you about this trailer that I saw online, and I'm someone who, if something grabs me, it really grabs me and I can't stop thinking about it.

[640] and I watched this trailer and then I watched it again and again and I was showing it to my kids and it's the trailer that had gone viral called Cocaine Bear.

[641] Oh, yeah.

[642] So I am talked to you and I go like, oh man, this thing, cocaine beer.

[643] And you went, yeah.

[644] And I went, oh man, I don't see that and you went, you do know that that's my movie and I didn't know and I was talking to you about Cocaine Bear.

[645] You were.

[646] And it was so, I mean, I felt like an idiot but also you could, what's nice about it is you could tell my enthusiasm was genuine.

[647] Real, yeah.

[648] It was real.

[649] I was like, oh, my God, because I thought, this is the best title for a movie since Pouti Tang.

[650] Like, it's one of the best titles for a movie.

[651] It's an amazing title.

[652] Ever.

[653] And I just, because all you need to hear is cocaine bear.

[654] Yeah.

[655] But then I see the trailer, and I was like, oh, she, and like everyone else who saw the trailer, like, what the?

[656] It's a big, like, what?

[657] They made, that's real?

[658] They made this?

[659] They allowed people to make a movie called that?

[660] And then I was very excited because they said, Hey, Elizabeth Banks is coming on the podcast, which I was very excited about.

[661] And they said, you can check out Cocaine Bear if you want.

[662] I was like, are you fucking kidding me?

[663] And they were like, yeah, no, we'll give you a link and you can watch it.

[664] So Liza and I watched it.

[665] And I had a blast.

[666] We had an absolute blast.

[667] And there are so many sequences there.

[668] I mean, there are so many sequences in the movie that I kind of want to watch a few more.

[669] times and I don't want to give anything away but we do we talk a few things into it that I hope make people want to see it twice like like wait what was that line that she said again what was that thing that she did and you know it's it's fantastic is all you need to know is it's cocaine bear yeah my only disappointment is at the end the bear doesn't become like a producer that would have been a really good ending he's a very six on the lot he's on the lot He's a very, and he's still doing a ton of cocaine.

[670] Totally.

[671] And occasionally attacking like a tour van, but other than that.

[672] But what was really nice about it was I think doing, I think the combination, the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that is scary and funny is probably almost impossible to pull off, and you pulled it off.

[673] It is scary and funny.

[674] Thank you.

[675] Yeah, that was the challenge of it, right?

[676] Like, that was the tone and the script that I thought, oh, if I get this right, I think it can hit.

[677] And, and, but it, yeah, it's a fine line to walk for sure.

[678] Because there are moments where I don't, there are times where truly the bear is doing something absolutely terrible to somebody.

[679] And I'm howling.

[680] Yeah.

[681] I'm laughing and also shrieking at the same time.

[682] And you don't want to hear me laugh and shriek at the same time.

[683] I won't.

[684] I won't.

[685] No, you don't.

[686] You don't.

[687] It's really good that I saw this.

[688] I'm glad you had that reaction because I've only seen it with audiences, you know, and seeing it with audiences, it's pretty intense because, you know, you'll have couples having completely different reactions sitting right next to each other, like some that are just like, I, you know, and others that are laughing, like, in the same moment, you know, which is very fun to see.

[689] Yeah.

[690] All I'll say is there's a whole scene that involves EMTs and an ambulance and it plays out.

[691] And I was just like, and it goes on for a while and it just keeps fratcheting up to the point where I think, this can't get crazier.

[692] Crazier.

[693] And then it doubles.

[694] Yeah.

[695] And the other thing I really liked about it is I, and we've talked about this before, we won't name names, but there are movies famously that star kids.

[696] Yeah.

[697] And I'll say it's so tricky because some, a lot of times I watch movies with kids and I don't like the kids.

[698] Yeah.

[699] And I'm, in general, I like children.

[700] Oh, you do?

[701] Oh, that's good.

[702] Okay.

[703] I mean, I root for them because that's the future of the species.

[704] It's very controversial.

[705] I don't want to spend time with them.

[706] But I'm told my own children are lovely and I will meet them one day.

[707] But the girl and the boy who are central to it are great.

[708] And the boy is, I think, a real find.

[709] He just gets a lot more screen time.

[710] But he's a real find and I liked him.

[711] Yeah, he has some.

[712] great lines.

[713] He is for sure an audience favorite, yeah.

[714] I think putting kids into adult scenarios, too, like truly adult scenarios is always, to me, can be very funny.

[715] And the movie's really about, I really love making movies about underdogs generally, and I like multiple POV.

[716] I've made three films now, they all are like, you know, many characters.

[717] I've never just followed, you know, Jack Reacher or something.

[718] I don't know.

[719] So the notion that we could find, like kids to put into this scenario.

[720] I was like well you're never going to have a bigger underdog than anybody meeting a bear that they don't know as high in cocaine, right?

[721] I don't care if you are Jack Reacher.

[722] You are an underdog in that scenario.

[723] Also I just love it was so funny to me how much the bear enjoys cocaine.

[724] He really likes it.

[725] And then once he gets a taste for it, you know, God help you if you have some cocaine in your back pocket.

[726] Yeah.

[727] And, um, it's all based on a real story.

[728] Well, yeah.

[729] I didn't know.

[730] Yeah.

[731] And, and, frankly, partially based on this notion.

[732] So in real life, let's just say, the real life bear OD'd big time on the cocaine, right?

[733] So it clear, which is a good message to get out to those kids.

[734] Yeah.

[735] But I think the movie is not pro drug, by the way.

[736] The movie is very much like drugs is bad.

[737] Yeah.

[738] It is.

[739] It is.

[740] It is.

[741] is.

[742] It is.

[743] So I feel like I stayed true to my, you know, to, we're keeping it clean for the kids in that regard.

[744] But the real bear truly obviously loved that.

[745] I mean, it could not stop eating it to the point where it's like the necropsy on the bear, you know, was like it's a heart exploded.

[746] Every organ inside of its body.

[747] The bear itself became a good poster child for don't do drugs.

[748] Correct.

[749] It really did.

[750] But I remember when I read that story, which is about this drug runner Andrew Thornton who opens our film dropping these drugs out of this airplane and then he ends up in a whole other scenario but basically that this bear was like collateral damage in this bizarre drug run scenario and the war on drugs and hutta da and I just I remember feeling deep sympathy for this bear like what the fuck like this that's so and so when I read this script I thought, well, this is the revenge story for the bear.

[751] Yeah, the bear didn't ask for this.

[752] The bear didn't want it in that.

[753] The bear didn't call his dealer.

[754] And say, get over here.

[755] The bear was like, I mean, you put these drugs right in front of me. I tasted them.

[756] They made me excited.

[757] I needed more, you know?

[758] And so now in the movie, we just imagine, well, what if that bear ran into a bunch of people?

[759] You know, and I don't, I don't think I'm giving anything away when I say, And you learn this in the movie, but I thought it was a really cool distinction that there's a real distinction between brown bears and black bears.

[760] And black bears are thought to be much less worrisome.

[761] Yeah.

[762] They are.

[763] They truly are.

[764] Like this, we shouldn't create, I don't want to create, like, jaws here.

[765] Like, I don't want everyone to be like, I can't be, you can see a black bear and not totally lose your mind.

[766] I mean, don't go close to wild animal.

[767] Do I really have to say that out loud?

[768] on the podcast, but...

[769] And maybe don't give it a lot of cocaine.

[770] Don't give it cocaine.

[771] No, so, but it was what I...

[772] There's a thing in the movie where people make assumptions about this black bear because black bears are supposed to be pretty harmless and they don't know what's the backstory.

[773] They don't know what this, what's in this bear system.

[774] So they're like, I don't worry about it.

[775] And...

[776] Bears are friendly.

[777] Yeah.

[778] So, I was, yeah.

[779] That's one of my, that's Jesse Tyler Ferguson's character is like a, I don't know.

[780] like a PETA bear expert, right?

[781] Like he loves animals.

[782] He calls them friends.

[783] He doesn't.

[784] He's really funny.

[785] And you know what?

[786] When he first came on camera, I didn't recognize him.

[787] I know.

[788] Thank you.

[789] And then Liza is the one that said, oh, my God.

[790] And I was laughing and thinking, oh, this guy's terrific.

[791] Because he looks quite different.

[792] Yes.

[793] And then Liza said, that's Jesse.

[794] That's Jesse.

[795] That's Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

[796] I was like, oh, my God.

[797] Yeah, he's great.

[798] He's so great.

[799] We've been old friends.

[800] I made one of my, I think my second movie ever I made with Jesse.

[801] in Vermont in the late 90s.

[802] And he actually played an anti -gay priest or like seminary student or something.

[803] Yeah.

[804] Which is obviously clearly not his life since he's married to a man with children.

[805] He changed a lot.

[806] He saw, I don't know, yeah.

[807] He saw the light.

[808] I was really testament to his acting skills, Conan, because he really played that.

[809] How excited were you when it's Christmas time and the trailer hits and people were freaking out and it's blowing up?

[810] Is that a fun experience?

[811] Well, I mean, I would think it would have to be.

[812] You go like, oh, thank God, you know, you just are so relieved.

[813] I would say I was relieved more than anything.

[814] And I don't know.

[815] I also, though, I'm like, I still has to translate into people buying tickets and putting their butt in the seat.

[816] And I don't know if that, I don't know what's happening in the world anymore.

[817] Well, it's a crazy, I mean, it's a crazy time.

[818] Yeah.

[819] There's giant tectonic shifts happening all around us that we can't control.

[820] Yeah.

[821] But I think you've got a really good head start with cocaine bear.

[822] Yeah.

[823] Well, I'm very glad that you enjoyed it.

[824] Yeah.

[825] And just the two of you snuggled up in your house.

[826] There was no snuggling.

[827] Eliza called a halt to that year.

[828] Yeah.

[829] Well, it was very fun to make.

[830] And yes, I was great, I'm happy that it, there's, that the pieces of it that are in the world so far are being well received, of course.

[831] But we'll see.

[832] You can, you know, I'm, so you're, it's like your baby.

[833] Like, you just are like, I was, you know, a ball, a wreck of nerves when we put the trailer out.

[834] Is this, because it's funny, you've achieved so much and in different ways, but just talking to you, I can feel that you are, you're tough and you're tough on yourself.

[835] probably tougher on yourself than anybody.

[836] I mean, I think that that's true.

[837] Yeah.

[838] I do also, I, in my mind, I'm like, you give yourself grace.

[839] You give yourself grace, which I am trying to do too, more of, like, give myself grace.

[840] Because I do think the guilt and pressure of being a working mom, too, is like, it's real, unfortunately, in our society.

[841] And so I truly bringing myself a sense of, yeah, it's okay.

[842] I really enjoy getting to collaborate and make things with people.

[843] It's really fun.

[844] I love entertaining people.

[845] I love making people laugh.

[846] And if I get to do that, it's like it's a privilege.

[847] It's an honor.

[848] It's all the things that it is.

[849] It's also really hard work.

[850] And it also always takes me away from other things I also like to do.

[851] Like, going to my kids basketball game, you know.

[852] And so just making sure, I don't call it balance because I think that's, but.

[853] There is no balance.

[854] Yeah, when people say.

[855] What is that?

[856] balance.

[857] I don't know what that means.

[858] I mean, I just, in other words, I'm just trying to, like, be my, the best version of myself.

[859] So that's being creative, doing the collaboration, having fun with what I'm doing, like, you know, taking advantage of the, the relationships I've made along the way, you know, and, and hopefully planting seeds that can grow later so that this can keep going you know like that's what i think about like the big picture stuff but at the end of the day i also am just trying when i when it isn't great because sometimes it's not great or i'll have a bit like a bad day or a you know and by the way when i watch cocaine bear i'm like there's still things like god damn why did i cut that line or oh i should have cut the day like it's still not exactly right but i like the idea that there's at some point pencils down and you just go like well i did the best i could do with the time and money that i had and the resources and the people and the da -da -da -da, and that's the grace.

[860] I don't want to talk to an artist who says, no, I nailed it.

[861] I mean, that's not, no, that's not the way it is.

[862] You can always hear something or see something.

[863] Totally.

[864] I want to bring up quickly Ray Liota, who's one of my all -time favorites.

[865] And this must have been, was this the very last thing that he worked on?

[866] I'm not 100 % sure.

[867] So I don't know.

[868] Well, he went to the Dominican Republic where he passed away to do another project.

[869] and I don't know how much he'd actually shot of that before he passed.

[870] I got to know him a bit just over the years interviewing him.

[871] I mean, obviously, you get to know him from Goodfellas, and that's such an iconic role.

[872] And then when you talk to him and he's just shrugging and being self -effacing, you can't handle it because you think, no, no, no, no. You know, I think it's okay to say this.

[873] I went to like a memorial for him after he passed away.

[874] and I thought what was so sweet about it was that the guys that were there like his best friends who were like from high school in Jersey yeah like you know they're like they're just the guys that he's always known that know him as like kind of sweet and you know it's right and like he had a dream and he was in that you know and he thought he was going to go Hollywood and like they're all still like and he did it you know and he was like I'm doing it Like, it's just this beautiful sense that he kind of really appreciated it and knew where he was from and loved doing it and all of those things.

[875] I think that says it says a lot about people that have that kind of success and there's, but they're still good friends with people that knew in high school, college, grade school.

[876] Yeah.

[877] I've cut all those people out.

[878] They had to go.

[879] What?

[880] You were just, as soon as you went on TV, you were like, well, hey, what's the point?

[881] I had to cut them loose.

[882] You know?

[883] I can't have those guys hanging around.

[884] But you just said it says a lot about someone.

[885] Oh, no, I does.

[886] I'm a terrible person.

[887] Oh, okay.

[888] I just wanted to make sure I understood what you were saying.

[889] Okay.

[890] I can't hang out with those Brookline creeps.

[891] Brooklyn.

[892] Do you go back a lot?

[893] Do you go back to Massachusetts?

[894] Not as much as I want to.

[895] I just got a sweet at the garden.

[896] Nice.

[897] For Madonna.

[898] Nice.

[899] I'm very excited.

[900] Yeah.

[901] So I will go back.

[902] I'm going to bring all my cousins, you know, love all that being.

[903] I have so much.

[904] My sisters.

[905] My other sisters.

[906] How many other?

[907] How many sisters?

[908] Well, I'm the oldest of four.

[909] Okay.

[910] Yeah.

[911] So I don't have that big of a family.

[912] Right.

[913] But my mom is from seven and my dad's from eight.

[914] So I have a lot of first cousins.

[915] Right.

[916] And we'll be, well, we're going to have a blast.

[917] I'm taking them all to the sweet at the garden.

[918] That's fantastic.

[919] Well, thank you for inviting me. I'll be there as well.

[920] Oh, I didn't hear the invitation.

[921] I don't know if you, are you a, are you a Madonna fan?

[922] I mean, I feel like you could get down to some Madonna.

[923] Oh, I really, the old school hits.

[924] You know, it was never in my wheelhouse.

[925] I think that's fair to say.

[926] You're more like a Springsteen guy, right?

[927] That's your vibe.

[928] Yeah.

[929] Oh, Springsteen, I love Bruce Springsteen.

[930] It just wasn't during the, I'm going to say I didn't, I didn't go whole hog on the Madonna phenomenon when it was happening.

[931] I appreciated it.

[932] Yeah.

[933] And I think she was a great showman.

[934] Yeah.

[935] She is a show person.

[936] And she certainly killed it and did a, you know, so, but it's just not quite in my real house.

[937] See, I think, like me and my gals, we're going to lose our minds.

[938] You know, it does like the soundtrack to our youth.

[939] We did like a virgin and holiday and, you know, like a prayer and the whole thing.

[940] Yeah, see, I was too old for that.

[941] Yeah.

[942] That was like, we did like dance routine things.

[943] to it and we had to do the moves.

[944] You know, this was MTV.

[945] She was like on the videos.

[946] We all dressed like her.

[947] We wore all the, you know, the bracelets, the rubber bracelets.

[948] I mean, you know, we worshipped her.

[949] So I'm excited.

[950] That for sure is I'll be home in the summer and I'll be seeing Madonna.

[951] That's, I don't know.

[952] How often do you go back?

[953] I go back whenever I can.

[954] My parents still live there.

[955] Yeah.

[956] And most my family lives within like 30 minutes of where I grew up.

[957] So I go back every chance I can get and then walk around and just remember the old days.

[958] Go to Duncan?

[959] I go to Duncan.

[960] I walk by the football field where I had no involvement in football.

[961] I was wondering where that was going.

[962] I go to the old baseball field where I had no involvement in baseball.

[963] You reminisce about not doing sports Yeah, I reminisce about being in my room studying That's the room I studied in Uh -huh, and then what happened?

[964] Then I took a nap and then studied some more They're not good stories Oh man I had a few scrapes in my day I was a real rap scallion Well, the movie is Cocaine Bear I want to make sure like when is this dropped The movie will be out when this episode drops It's out, it's out now?

[965] We're pretending it's out now?

[966] That's right.

[967] This comes out the Monday right after the release.

[968] Oh, great.

[969] Okay.

[970] All right.

[971] Well, Cocaine Bear is out now.

[972] And congratulations.

[973] And thank you for letting me hang out with you and your family occasionally.

[974] Thank you for hanging out.

[975] You up my cool factor.

[976] Yeah.

[977] And my kids are like, who's that tall guy?

[978] Yeah.

[979] Who's that tall lady hanging around?

[980] It's wild.

[981] They don't, you know, they don't have any.

[982] like they don't want late night TV they don't have any you know there's no notion of that right now for them whereas when you were growing up is like Johnny Carson and SNAL and the whole course you have to do the whole thing I if it's okay I'll come over to the house and Blay you'll come with me and we'll load up a bunch of like best of Conan stuff on a computer I need your kids a bunch they're gonna yeah I need your a bunch of they're gonna start getting into it we're going to we're going to um all I need is about six hours with your kids and some energy drinks.

[983] And then that'll be...

[984] And then they'll start worshipping you.

[985] They love the Simpsons.

[986] They love the Simpsons.

[987] There you go.

[988] But I literally were like, he wrote on the Simpsons.

[989] And they were like, okay.

[990] Now we like, now we get it.

[991] Now we're into it.

[992] I just say, well, he was an accountant on the Simpsons.

[993] He didn't really right.

[994] He sort of worked on the books.

[995] I was going to say because you said that you're going to take Blay to her house, you can just email YouTube clips and stuff.

[996] No, I need to be there.

[997] and I need to be gesturing to a screen going, see, now wait, wait for it, wait for it, and then Capoey!

[998] What do you think, guys?

[999] What?

[1000] Pay attention!

[1001] They're like 11, they'd be like, all right.

[1002] Is it on TikTok?

[1003] They start crying.

[1004] All right, load up the next one.

[1005] You're bringing Blaine!

[1006] Blay, bring up the next one.

[1007] He's the AV guy.

[1008] Yes, sir, yes, sir.

[1009] You gotta do A &A and the next one.

[1010] Here it comes.

[1011] And another remote of you delivering food.

[1012] Yeah.

[1013] Chinese food delivery.

[1014] Now you think a guy who delivers Chinese food, right?

[1015] You've seen them, right?

[1016] Hey, where are you going?

[1017] Pay the fuck attention.

[1018] Mom!

[1019] Who was the guy who lived under the stairs?

[1020] Who lived under the...

[1021] Oh, that was Letterman.

[1022] That was Chris Elliott.

[1023] See, that's why I need to be there to educate them.

[1024] Right.

[1025] I don't want to see if I let you do it.

[1026] Oops.

[1027] I'm showing him a Letterman.

[1028] Oops.

[1029] If I let you do it, you'll be like, oh, I showed them all the classic letterman.

[1030] And the kids will be like, man, that letterman's so sharp, so good.

[1031] And I'll be just, you know, okay, yes.

[1032] He's the best.

[1033] But I'm coming over.

[1034] I'm coming over.

[1035] Blay, Blay.

[1036] I'm there, dude.

[1037] We're going to put the money.

[1038] We're going to have it transferred to like 16 millimeters and show it on a, all right.

[1039] Now, coming up next, you see, this is 1998, Gell -in.

[1040] Now, you see my face fill out a bit.

[1041] Anyway, such a joy having you here.

[1042] Thank you so much.

[1043] Congratulations on everything and especially cocaine bear.

[1044] And give my best to your old man. All right, you give my best, Eliza.

[1045] I call her my old lady.

[1046] I call her your better hat.

[1047] So does everybody.

[1048] Thank you.

[1049] I think everybody does this.

[1050] I was driving into work today and I had the radio on.

[1051] And Neil Diamond's song came on forever in blue jeans.

[1052] You know that one money talks But it don't sing and dance And it don't walk Forever in Blue Jeans And I remember You know when you hear a song It takes you right back to that moment in time I remembered It was time to go to school And my clock radio went on This would be in the 1970s Whenever that song was a hit And I'm up in the attic In my parents' house Because that's where they made me live Really?

[1053] Like flowers in the attic?

[1054] You just forgot the child?

[1055] He was really He would throw a roast up there every day.

[1056] But I was living at the end of the hall in the attic, and it was really cold up there.

[1057] I remember that.

[1058] Like, put your feet on the floor, and it was really cold.

[1059] And I don't know why, because heat's supposed to rise, but for some reason in our house, it didn't.

[1060] And anyway, I can still picture the clock radio.

[1061] It was a gift from my Uncle Gavin, who was my godfather.

[1062] And the clock radio came on.

[1063] Neil Diamond's song came on and I was listening to it and it was a big hit at the time and I thought that the song was called Reverend Blue Jeans and so for years I was like, it's Reverend Blue Jeans and I, and then it wasn't until years later that someone said to me I love that song forever in Blue Jeans and I just got really quiet because I knew that I'd been living a lie.

[1064] And then I realized there were so many times, and I think this is maybe peculiar to me. I know a lot of people do this, but the song Dirty Deeds and they're Dundert Cheap.

[1065] Yeah.

[1066] I swear to God, I used to sing it as Dirty Deeds, and they're Dundergie.

[1067] Which doesn't even make nothing.

[1068] I just thought, oh, they're Australian.

[1069] I just thought, oh, these Aussies, they're probably like, it's dirty deeds, you know, oh, it's a Dundjee.

[1070] You know, and so there's a and there's a dundragee.

[1071] It does sound like a didgeridoo and like a wallaby mixed up.

[1072] Wallaby, didgeridoo?

[1073] You know, shrimp on the bobby, dundurgy.

[1074] And so I remember singing it really loudly in the back of our family station wagon and going, and they're dirty deeds and they're done dirty.

[1075] And my brother, Luke was like, what the fuck is your problem?

[1076] It's done dirt cheap.

[1077] And again, I was humiliated, But I just, so I started thinking about these today on the way over, which is just how, how I would, I remember, I swear to God.

[1078] Van Morrison's famous song, Brown -Eyed Girl.

[1079] There's that part where he says, and I swear to God, I wasn't even trying to be funny, but when I first heard that song, and I didn't know what the dirty implication was, but I used to sing, because he says that part where, Hey, there we go.

[1080] Days on the rain change.

[1081] You know, and then he gets to the part where he says, going down the old mine with a transistor radio.

[1082] Like, go down into the old mine with the transistor radio is what we used to do and listen to music.

[1083] I thought it was, and I'm not, people are going to say, oh, you're making this up.

[1084] I'm not making it up.

[1085] I honestly thought it was going down on an old man for a transistor.

[1086] Oh, my.

[1087] And I think when I was a kid, And when I was a kid, I loved that song and I'd be like, going down on an old man for a transistor radio.

[1088] And I didn't know what going down meant.

[1089] I just, you know what?

[1090] First of all, you can't fucking understand Ben Morrison.

[1091] Oh, yeah, just conjures the whole scenario.

[1092] So then later on, when I start to figure out what that means, I'm like, that better be a really good transistor radio.

[1093] He's just sitting on a park bench going, Hey, little boy, you like music?

[1094] You like music?

[1095] Oh, sure and I do.

[1096] I like music.

[1097] How much do you like subterranean environment?

[1098] How much do you like music there, lad?

[1099] But I honestly did, used to sing.

[1100] And now, just in defiance, because that song comes on all the time.

[1101] When that song comes on, when it gets to that part, I belt out, going down on an old man for a transit.

[1102] radio.

[1103] Do you remember that song?

[1104] I mean, things are tough and, I mean, we're talking about Belfast.

[1105] That's where he grew up.

[1106] Yeah.

[1107] I'm sure it was hard to procure a good transistor radio.

[1108] You did what you could.

[1109] And if old man McGinty had one, you do what you got to do?

[1110] And what if the kid like got it because he wanted to give it to his parents for a Christmas gift or something, you know?

[1111] Yeah, yeah.

[1112] There's a sweet story.

[1113] But then it's like that, there's that O. Henry twist, which is the gift they got him was a blow job.

[1114] Is that you never have to give a blowjob to an old job a certificate that says you never have to do that and that's how he got them the transistor radio do you remember that old song that goes I might like you better if we slept together I thought it was my mother'd get better if we slept to me. Hey that's a line I used to use a lot in the 80s my mother's ill but she might improve if we were to have sexual relations never worked that's yeah I think there's a lot of those I think a lot of us do it we mishear things and I don't I think I think I get 90 % of the lyrics I sing Is this because we learn in a previous segment That you have perfect hearing in that way?

[1115] No no no I'm saying I don't hear the lyrics properly I think I am the opposite of what a musician Of who a musician wants to listen to their music Because I don't really listen to the lyrics that much I just listen Saturday Night Live, Mike Myers told me that he thought ELO's hit song The Evil Woman was medieval woman.

[1116] I've thought that too, yeah.

[1117] That's a very common one.

[1118] There's a few of those.

[1119] No one else thought it was dirty deeds and their dungergy.

[1120] And no one in the history of the world thought this kid is blowing an old man to get a transistor radio and go fast.

[1121] That's pretty good.

[1122] Yeah.

[1123] I have to say when I get it wrong, I really get it wrong.

[1124] Yeah, that's, I mean, it's almost an art what you're doing.

[1125] Yeah, well, I am the Joyce of my time.

[1126] Just some woman named Joyce.

[1127] She's, her carpool night is Thursday, is Thursdays.

[1128] I don't know.

[1129] Not that choice.

[1130] Oh, for God's sake, not that choice.

[1131] All right, apologies to everyone who will never hear brown -eyed girl the same way again.

[1132] You guys, tell your dunjuries you love them.

[1133] Dunder Jee's.

[1134] Dunder Jeeze.

[1135] It's Dunder Jeeze.

[1136] Peace out.

[1137] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[1138] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Ossessian and Matt Goorley Produced by me, Matt Goreley Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Koko, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[1139] Theme song by the White Stripes.

[1140] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[1141] Take it away, Jimmy.

[1142] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[1143] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.

[1144] Additional production support by Mars Melnik.

[1145] Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brick Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

[1146] Got a question for Conan?

[1147] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[1148] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[1149] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[1150] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.