MFM Minisode 26

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Davey, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Um, wait.

[17] Good.

[18] Okay.

[19] First of all, it's Friday.

[20] right?

[21] Yeah.

[22] Jesus Christ.

[23] And secondly, was I just going to...

[24] Oh, so I bought, I went to Target yesterday and got an umbrella for the backyard.

[25] Oh.

[26] Went out this morning, it was gone.

[27] What did it?

[28] Oh, because the wind?

[29] Yes.

[30] Did it kill anyone?

[31] It's fucking Mary Poppins over the fence and went into the alley.

[32] Wait, let me...

[33] Oh, my God.

[34] Pretty great.

[35] I want to post it, but then people will know what my alley looks like.

[36] Right.

[37] So this is me looking for it, looking through the head.

[38] Oh, my God!

[39] That is a giant umbrella.

[40] Yeah.

[41] And I didn't think to close it.

[42] Right.

[43] In these fucking 90 mile per hour winds, sorry by Brad Brath.

[44] Oh, you didn't.

[45] Did you go get it?

[46] Yeah.

[47] Took it down.

[48] Did she think someone stole it?

[49] I was like, what's wrong with your neighborhood?

[50] You know what's sad is I didn't think, I just didn't understand.

[51] Right.

[52] I just stood there baffled for like 30.

[53] seconds.

[54] Have you done that with your car when you like accidentally put it somewhere else and you just your brain like just tries to make sense of it for a minute?

[55] I feel like that my brain is in that mood all the time.

[56] Just like, wait, what?

[57] Oh, did we start?

[58] That was a good start, but I didn't even think about.

[59] Did we start?

[60] Yeah, it was recording.

[61] Oh.

[62] What are we talking about?

[63] Can you hear me?

[64] Can you hear Stephen?

[65] No, we're, oh.

[66] Oh, we're good.

[67] We didn't have our headphones on her.

[68] There we are.

[69] Stephen, I can't hear you.

[70] You're doing something wrong.

[71] Stephen, I can't hear you.

[72] Stephen, it's your fault.

[73] I can't hear you.

[74] Wait, did you, did you had you started?

[75] Yeah, it started recording.

[76] Perfection.

[77] I guess we're doing hometowns first.

[78] Oh, but before we start hometowns, welcome.

[79] This is my favorite murder, the Minnesota edition, where we read your hometown stories that you've emailed us.

[80] But before we start that, we simply must.

[81] save and open up some sacred space for the fact that last night George and I discovered that we both have tramp stamps.

[82] What up America.

[83] Oh my God.

[84] America.

[85] I think we should show each other ours, but I think we should wait for the real episode.

[86] So you have to tune back in.

[87] What a cliffhanger.

[88] On this week's, well, would you think that there are other people out there that only listen to the minisodes?

[89] Yeah.

[90] Oh.

[91] And they're just like, well, I guess.

[92] I'll never know, and they don't, they're fine with it.

[93] We're going to show each other our asses on next week's, my favorite murder, or this week's my favorite murder, the Fulzies.

[94] Turns out we're a couple of dumb sluts.

[95] It's what you've suspected all along is true.

[96] And we're going to tell each other the stories about them.

[97] Oh, it's going to be, no, don't do it.

[98] I want her here.

[99] It's so bad.

[100] Yeah, we'll save it.

[101] But I will tell you all, we had dinner last night, and the look on each other's face when we were like, sorry, what is this you're telling me?

[102] Wait, was it at dinner?

[103] Yeah.

[104] You have a trim, Sam?

[105] Yes, hey, you have a Trump?

[106] How did we not know this?

[107] We're, like, bonded now for life.

[108] There's no go back now.

[109] Mine looks like, like, truck flaps, you know, and they have, like, the ladies on the, that's what mine looks like.

[110] But are the pictures naked ladies?

[111] No. Oh, God, can you imagine?

[112] Oh, really, because I have two Yosemite Sam saying back off.

[113] This is amazing.

[114] What if that was right?

[115] Okay.

[116] Let's get serious.

[117] Let's stop it.

[118] Let's get it.

[119] Let's stop it.

[120] Let's start it.

[121] Laura, get out of my room.

[122] Okay.

[123] The only thing I have here, Jesus Christ.

[124] So here it is.

[125] Yeah.

[126] Here it is, Stephen.

[127] So borderline fired because I couldn't find my paper.

[128] Couldn't find the paper that you worked on, printed.

[129] It's Stephen did everything for.

[130] Hello.

[131] Oh.

[132] Hmm?

[133] No. Oh, Stephen.

[134] Is it a baby killer one?

[135] Oh, no. Now he's getting in trouble for the fact that this is a murder podcast.

[136] He's giggling.

[137] I can see it.

[138] He's in trouble for them.

[139] He's like, have you guys known what you ever talked about?

[140] Steven, why did you invent murder?

[141] Okay.

[142] The subject line of this one of our first hometown murder today is ball peen hammers and Michael Baden.

[143] Who's that?

[144] I don't know.

[145] I don't know either.

[146] Okay.

[147] Hey, Georgia.

[148] Hey, Karen, Georgia.

[149] just Stephen, Mimi, Elvis, et cetera.

[150] Big fan, blah, blah, blah.

[151] Smiley face with a winking eye.

[152] Or with an infected eye.

[153] We don't know.

[154] My home down murder hits close to home.

[155] My mom was a key witness.

[156] Fuck yes.

[157] Sandra, Sandy Allen, was a young mother and wife here in Bartelsville, Oklahoma.

[158] Her husband, Stephen was an accountant, and she worked at the local mall.

[159] Steven.

[160] Steven.

[161] On the night of June 11, 1990, Steve Allen arrived home and claimed to have been, and claimed to have seen an intruder in his backyard who immediately ran off.

[162] He locked his car with his kids in it because that's safe with an intruder running around and ran inside and found his wife badly beaten on the floor.

[163] At the hospital where my mom was a nurse, shout out to nurses, what up.

[164] Steve was observed to be very calm and cooperative, but also covered in blood front and back.

[165] Sadly, while Sandy fought for her life, she died shortly after arriving.

[166] During the search of the Allen house, police found a ball peen hammer covered in Sandy's blood and Steve's fingerprints wrapped in a towel in the attic.

[167] Because, you know, he, quote, grabbed it randomly and thought it might make him look guilty so he hid it.

[168] What?

[169] Yeah, that's what we do.

[170] Are the kids still in the cars?

[171] That's my question.

[172] And there's the sun shining directly.

[173] on that car.

[174] We never addressed that.

[175] They're still there to this day.

[176] It was 1990 when this happened.

[177] They're now all in their 30s.

[178] They're looking for relationships.

[179] They would love to get good jobs.

[180] Sorry.

[181] Okay.

[182] So during the search, no, no, sorry.

[183] Even more surprisingly, he was found to be having an affair with a secretary at work and some really strange sexual preferences.

[184] His wife was not comfortable with and had been causing some major marital problems.

[185] Like, what?

[186] Like, I want to know.

[187] I know.

[188] We're not going to find out because this is ending right now.

[189] God damn it.

[190] I want to know.

[191] I want to know.

[192] Like, what is a weird perversion that would actually cause that?

[193] Right.

[194] Bring you to this.

[195] Where it's just like, here's this thing.

[196] I know you're pretty conservative in bed.

[197] I love to murder my wife.

[198] So could we get into some murder my wife play?

[199] And she's like, I'm not into that.

[200] I just don't.

[201] It doesn't do anything for me. It doesn't make me comfortable.

[202] It actually makes me uncomfortable.

[203] Yeah.

[204] Okay, seemingly Dr. Michael Baden testified for the defense saying he didn't think the hammer could have been the murder weapon.

[205] Steve was convicted and is serving - It's a hammer!

[206] How could that not be the second?

[207] Sorry.

[208] No, no, no, that's fine.

[209] Oh, that's why, okay, do you know who Dr. Michael Baden is?

[210] No. Is he like - Oh, I bet he's like a forensic he, dude?

[211] A bad guy?

[212] But he, well, he testified for the defense, though.

[213] That's crazy.

[214] So then the bloody hammer that was in the attic wasn't even the murder weapon.

[215] according to a doctor?

[216] Well, doctors.

[217] Nurses, yes, doctors.

[218] Doctors, no way.

[219] He was, sorry.

[220] No, no. He was the chief medical examiner of the city of New York from 78 to 79.

[221] He gave testimony at the trial of O .J. Simpson.

[222] He was there as an expert witness on Sid Vicious's death, John Belushi's death, Lisa McPherson's death.

[223] Wow.

[224] David Carradine To investigate David Caradine's death Oh man, he's in it So he's like a celebrity Death expert Physician, yeah I don't trust him Okay I mean it seems like you have good reason Steve was convicted And is serving life in prison But maintains his innocence His kids live with Sandy's family So they're out of the car And all good With Sandy's family That's awful and depressing My mom stayed sexy And put that murderer in jail Girl.

[225] Stand out of the forest.

[226] Laina.

[227] Your mom sure did.

[228] God, that's...

[229] What if?

[230] What if?

[231] What if?

[232] I always do that.

[233] What?

[234] Your husband had killed you?

[235] No, what if it's a total Shawshank situation?

[236] And he really did come home and it's like, what's this bloody hammer doing here?

[237] And then the end.

[238] There has to be some of them that legitimately happens, but it's like always...

[239] I wonder what percentage of, like, husbands have been put away that didn't, legit didn't do it.

[240] I know.

[241] but we're also having an affair and we're also into some kinky shit yeah but what was the kinky shit I bet it's you and I'd be like oh I've done that who cares yeah I that's like where I start that's fucking foreplay man someone that's like being hung from one toe from the ceiling Georgia shit who cares get into it it's just getting a tram stamp oh my god that's it That's what you're into?

[242] I did it once, and it was so sexually satisfying.

[243] I will never do it again.

[244] But you think about it every time.

[245] Oh, my God, I bring it back.

[246] You sex.

[247] Every time I sex around.

[248] Do you want to hear a not -so -normal family massacre, I'm going to say yes, or killer dentist, or my creepy -ass hometown murder?

[249] Those all sound great.

[250] I know, right?

[251] Okay, let's start with, let's do what?

[252] Dentist.

[253] The dentist, killer dentist.

[254] That's my pick.

[255] Okay.

[256] Hi, Karen and Georgia.

[257] So, my hometown is a little redneck hick town called Camrose.

[258] It's in Alberta, Canada, and nothing ever happens there.

[259] One of the dentists in town, I'll call him Mr. B., had weird rumors drifting around that he had killed his wife in the early 90s.

[260] The story goes, Ms. Dr. B took her out on a boat on a nearby lake.

[261] She was wearing a fur, and she, quote, fell into the water and drowned due to the heavy fur coat dragging her under.

[262] but in actuality according to the rumors Dr. B pushed her into the lake I was petrified of this dentist when I was a kid and refused to go to him maybe this is where my insane fear of dentist stems from everyone in town knows the story or knows a version of it his house was avoided at all costs and at Halloween my friends and I would dare each other to run up and touch it yeah touch just touch it so in 2009 Dr. B was driving impaired and crashed his car killing his passenger.

[263] Due to the already -sorted rumors that had floated around the city for years, the cemented Dr. B as the killer dentist of cameras.

[264] He was sentenced to 2 .5 years and a five -year ban from driving.

[265] I'm not sure how much of the rumors regarding the death of his wife are true, but Dr. B. no longer practices in town.

[266] Yeah, because everyone's going after him.

[267] Upon researching his name, he's fled the country and has a few international dating site profiles floating around.

[268] Oh, good.

[269] And then show it out.

[270] Hopefully anyone knew he meets isn't into voting.

[271] Thanks again for reading.

[272] Can't wait for more my favorite murder.

[273] Stay sexy.

[274] Bye, Jocelyn.

[275] Wow.

[276] That's good.

[277] I love us like because there is a, what would you say, 60 % chance.

[278] That's totally small town gossip.

[279] I think so too.

[280] Like some say a hygienist was pissed.

[281] He was a dick to some employee.

[282] And they're like, well, you know what I thought.

[283] You know what I think.

[284] Well, what are the chances that like she fell, whoa, whoa, whoa, she fell in the pool.

[285] in the lake and then like he would have helped her and also you can take the amazing thing about fur coats is we're not bears so you can take it off I mean unless she drown well unless she couldn't swim but then it's like well why would she take her out on the water then why wouldn't she be wearing a life so yeah I think you did it yeah exactly that's like oh I'm gonna I want to take you out over this cliff and dangle you over a cliff I don't even like hiking when it's like no no no we gotta go I like it all the sudden Oh, bring them all the most expensive accoutrement that you have, please.

[286] REI?

[287] You're...

[288] All of it.

[289] Do you have any, like, a fur -line tent?

[290] Bring it.

[291] Okay, you go.

[292] Okay.

[293] Why did I put it all the way down?

[294] I'm exhausted.

[295] Okay.

[296] This is hometown murder suicide.

[297] Uh -oh.

[298] Hey, Georgia and Karen.

[299] Thank you for doing this podcast.

[300] I love you both.

[301] And just binge, listen to your podcast and felt like you might enjoy my hometown murder.

[302] I bet we will.

[303] When I was in high school, there was a murder suicide in my neighborhood, all caps.

[304] I was 18 and living in a retirement community with my grandparents.

[305] That sounds awesome.

[306] There's your TV show.

[307] Right now, make a list of all.

[308] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[309] Absolutely.

[310] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[311] Exactly.

[312] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[313] But did you know that they also power in person?

[314] sales?

[315] That's right.

[316] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in store, on social media, and beyond.

[317] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[318] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.

[319] So give your point of sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[320] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.

[321] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.

[322] Connect with customers in line and online.

[323] Do retail right with Shopify.

[324] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[325] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[326] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[327] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[328] Goodbye.

[329] Hey, this is exciting.

[330] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[331] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[332] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[333] Who killed Saz?

[334] And were they really after Charles?

[335] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[336] This season, murder hits close to home.

[337] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[338] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[339] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[340] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[341] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Devine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[342] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[343] Goodbye.

[344] Oh, the weirdest, funniest, or even dumbest things that happened to you and put them together, that's how people get famous.

[345] Let's name it right now.

[346] Retirement boy.

[347] The youth of yesterday.

[348] That's the worst thing I've ever said.

[349] Bringing back grandma.

[350] Is it a hallmark movie?

[351] It's a hallmark movie.

[352] And then he falls in love with like the groundskeeper's daughter.

[353] Yes.

[354] Somebody else sits there that's too young to be there.

[355] She like cleans the pool or whatever.

[356] Yep.

[357] And it's called.

[358] How to.

[359] I Medicare about you.

[360] There it is.

[361] that was it good job thank you thank so much or what about uh what's the what are the let uh never mind no if you if you think of it just interrupt me i've had no coffee okay shout it out uh do you want a sip of that coffee oh we didn't bring it in you guys listen stop it listen oh stephen's getting it oh no stephen yes that's what we hired him for and don't pay him thank you oh can i tell the story of how uh stephen i i called the payroll company to give you to pay you and the guy uh wrote me an email and he's like hey you know let me know if you need anything it was like a boring form letter and then it's you know really stupid boring and then at the end it said by the way or p .s don't get murdered and i was like ah that was so cool we've broken into the payroll uh genre yeah incredible.

[362] So what we're saying, Stephen, is you're going to get that check in 12 to 18 weeks.

[363] All right.

[364] So he's 18 living in a retirement community with, I said him, but yes, it is him.

[365] Okay.

[366] 18 living in a retirement community with his grandparents.

[367] One day I came up, that must have been a show already.

[368] It must have been a show already.

[369] Well, I was thinking like a six -year -old would be fun, not an 18 -year -old, because then it's kind of like, get, move out.

[370] What if it's a six -year -old who can drive?

[371] What if he has a golf car?

[372] that he rides around the end.

[373] He got it for his birthday because he's rich.

[374] Then his parents died.

[375] Yeah.

[376] And he had to go live with his group.

[377] Yeah.

[378] We'll work on this after.

[379] Okay.

[380] I guess hearies.

[381] One day I came home and I remember my grandmother told me that a man had, oh, hard left.

[382] A man had shot his wife multiple times and then killed himself.

[383] The two children I used to play with at the community pool when we were younger were with their grandparents the night and morning.

[384] that night and morning so they weren't there but now are parentless I remember the husband clearly because one day he was forcing the kids in the pool to teach them how to swim he was very aggressive towards them and that gave me a bad vibe about him turns out it wasn't wrong of course being as curious as we my grandmother and I were we drove to the house to see if there was anything happening and sadly we couldn't see anything from the outside other than the neighbors giving us the death stare as we passed.

[385] Thanks for reading, Al. That's a bummer, dude.

[386] So it's not a Hallmark movie.

[387] It isn't.

[388] It's a, yeah, now we've gone into a kind of, it could be an art horror film, like an A -24 production.

[389] Should I do one more of this?

[390] But I have my friends one.

[391] So do hers?

[392] What do you think?

[393] Yeah, do hers.

[394] My friend Dori Shafir, she just wrote her first novel.

[395] It came out recently.

[396] It's getting fucking rave reviews.

[397] It's called Startup, and I just bought it.

[398] Cool.

[399] So everyone check it out.

[400] So she sent me her hometown, which is a good.

[401] It's a one that I've wanted to do because it's good, but there's no, like, great ending.

[402] It's just, like, a bummer.

[403] So I'm glad she did it.

[404] She took the hit?

[405] She's taken it.

[406] It's a good hometown, but it's not a good, like, murder, murder.

[407] Long term, yeah.

[408] So should I put on speaker?

[409] And then, okay, ready?

[410] Yes.

[411] Hey, Georgia.

[412] Hey, Karen.

[413] This is Dory.

[414] And I am calling with the story of a woman named Karina Homer, who was murdered in Boston in June of 1996.

[415] And she was 20 years old.

[416] She was an au pair from Sweden.

[417] He was found in a dumpster in the back day.

[418] a pretty nice neighborhood in, well, very nice neighborhood in Boston.

[419] And the only half of her was found.

[420] And the other half of her has never been found, and the case has never been solved.

[421] Here's a little bit more about the murder.

[422] I had just turned 19 in the summer of 1996, and I was home for the summer.

[423] and when she was murdered she was murdered after going out partying with a bunch of other Swedish opairs at this club called Zanzibar in downtown Boston and it was on this in this like alley called the alley where there were a bunch of different bars and clubs and it was kind of like bars and clubs you can imagine and bars in Boston close it too bars and clubs close it too but the T stops running I think at midnight some lines maybe stop running a little earlier so everything she's recording this as she's doing sending email but there's no way to get home so everyone's trying to get a cab and it's just like shitty and crazy and apparently she was and was last seen kind of stumbling down the street and supposedly all her friends had left her there.

[424] And, you know, this was 1986.

[425] There were no cell phone.

[426] Don't do it.

[427] She wasn't, you know, she was able to text anyone.

[428] And then 12 hours later, she was found in the dumpster.

[429] She had been staying in South Boston at the apartment that was owned by the family.

[430] She was an opair for.

[431] And some suspicion fell on the dad in the family, but then he was.

[432] later cleared, and the case has just been cold for 20 years.

[433] We don't know.

[434] They still don't happen.

[435] I think that's it.

[436] There's another, I don't know if she...

[437] And then she just wandered out of the room.

[438] Dori, that is an unbelievable story.

[439] Yeah.

[440] There's more...

[441] I did not know that at all.

[442] I don't know anything about that.

[443] She was fucking severed like the black dahlia.

[444] Oh, wait a second.

[445] Part two.

[446] Steven's paying a bet.

[447] No, no, oh, sorry.

[448] Wait.

[449] Okay, let me, I think she's just, I think she left it again, but then she ended it better, not better, but then she said, um, a lot of, for a while the alley with the ghost, was a ghost town, um, and no one's been ever charged for the murder.

[450] Well, I think that's it for the hometowns this week.

[451] Wow.

[452] What a roundup of, uh, horrible stories.

[453] If you guys think you can beat that, send your hometowns to my favorite murder at Gmail, beg and plead to, with Stephen to put yours on, he'll probably do it.

[454] Yeah, he will.

[455] I want to hear stories of ER doctors and nurses telling crazy, even if they're not murders, crazy shit that they've seen or experienced.

[456] That's what made me think of in that first one where it's just like, those people see insane shit.

[457] Or EMTs.

[458] Oh, my God.

[459] They have some shit stories, right?

[460] I sat next to our family friend, Dave's Wire, who is now a San Francisco fireman, but he was, in training, they basically are EMTs first.

[461] He would, he, at one wedding, we sat there, and he was telling us these stories where I was just like, how does anyone do this job?

[462] They basically go and pick up, you know, people that have been, like, hit by cars on the freeway type of shit.

[463] I could never do that.

[464] It's so, it's so stressful.

[465] Every time I drive by an ambulance, I just, I, like, want to buy them coffee or drugs.

[466] They have to, there has to be a good percentage of them that has PTA.

[467] I just think they do it for a very short amount of time.

[468] Yeah.

[469] They don't.

[470] Yeah.

[471] I mean, from what the people that I know, but usually it's because they're training to do something else.

[472] But it would be interesting to know who's the longest running EMT.

[473] Well, he's probably the psychopath.

[474] I mean, I would hope so.

[475] Send us, first responders.

[476] Send us your cool stories.

[477] Is that exploitative?

[478] Doesn't matter.

[479] Well, it's your, it's up to you.

[480] Yeah.

[481] So if it is, it's on you, motherfucker.

[482] We just ask for it.

[483] Look.

[484] listen we you deliver listen we maybe we're kidding look you don't know thanks for listening thank you stay sexy and don't get murdered bye that's so annoying that's horrible