Maya Rudolph

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dach Shepherd.

[2] I'm joined by Lily Padman and my old buddy Rudy is here today.

[3] Oh, what a long time coming.

[4] So long.

[5] We've been trying to get her from those early days.

[6] From the jump.

[7] She wasn't ready and now she is.

[8] She wasn't and now she is.

[9] But yeah, in fact, I've had people, rightly so, go, where's Maya?

[10] Aren't you guys pals?

[11] I know.

[12] And then they probably think you were lying about that.

[13] But they'll learn today you weren't.

[14] Yes, or that she's a tremendous actor, which she is.

[15] an Emmy Award winning actor and a comedian, some of my very favorite S &L sketches in the history of Saturday Night Live, bridesmaids, grown -ups, big mouth, of course, idiocracy, where she and I became besties.

[16] And now, season two of Lute out on Apple TV, which is fantastic.

[17] I'm delighted that we interviewed her because now I'm into Lute, and I think you will be too.

[18] So please enjoy that.

[19] I really enjoyed this.

[20] I really did, too.

[21] She's wonderful.

[22] She's as good as they come.

[23] And you know that, even if you don't know her, like, you're kind of like, I think she's great, but then she delivers.

[24] And any other occupation, this wouldn't be a great compliment.

[25] But in our occupation, it is the ultimate comment.

[26] She's so normal.

[27] Yeah.

[28] Right?

[29] She's such a normal -ass human being.

[30] Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[31] She tells some fun stories.

[32] Oh, and her willingness to go to Olga's.

[33] I maintain it.

[34] Whatever you hear about Olga's, don't listen to anything.

[35] I love and still love Olga's.

[36] Please enjoy Maya Rudolph.

[37] He's an object square.

[38] He's an option to me, please.

[39] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[40] You do it in your coffee?

[41] I do.

[42] I don't use cream, but I miss some kind of a fad in there.

[43] And so, let me tell you the whole story of this olive oil, actually.

[44] I really like it.

[45] I do love that olive oil.

[46] Well, you already know about it.

[47] I don't know much about it.

[48] I just know it was like the first phase.

[49] fancy olive oil you could buy in a grocery store, and I'd be like, oh, my God, this is augmented my salads.

[50] Yes, that's right.

[51] Like, this is a real...

[52] It shouldn't be for cooking.

[53] It should be for dressing up.

[54] Your food.

[55] Tasting, sucking.

[56] Luricaney.

[57] But now there's so many artisanal.

[58] Yes, yes, yes.

[59] I'm sorry, I don't think people normally wear...

[60] Bespoke.

[61] I was told to put makeup on in case we took a photo, I don't normally.

[62] normally wake up with makeup on, but I was so nervous that I was told that I was like, they know something.

[63] I don't know.

[64] I better put some fucking lipstick on.

[65] We do take a couple photos.

[66] So you're ahead of the game.

[67] And you look beautiful.

[68] Right?

[69] Yeah.

[70] Truly, always.

[71] Okay, so back to this olive oil, because I think you'll really appreciate this.

[72] So Kristen and I were at a really nice hotel in Utah.

[73] A holiday inn.

[74] They had olive oil in a little bowl and I dipped in some bread and I taste it.

[75] And I was like, oh my God, that's the first time I've really been like, Wow, olive oil.

[76] So I asked one of the guys working there, is it okay if you tell me the brand of that olive oil you guys use?

[77] And he's like, yes, I'll be right back.

[78] And he was gone for quite a long time.

[79] I don't know what's about to happen.

[80] And then he came back and he leaned down into me because it's a very nice restaurant.

[81] He said, ah, yes, sir, the olive oil is extra virgin.

[82] And then he went.

[83] I love him.

[84] I know I loved him so much.

[85] And of course, now I don't know what to do because I want him to think he got me the right information.

[86] And also, that's not going to get me to this olive oil brand extra version.

[87] That is the best olive oil story I've ever heard.

[88] I kind of thought you would want to know that part of it.

[89] So anyways, I did end up finding out it was this Lidemio or however you say it.

[90] I always say, loud of me. Oh, Papa Pee, Mama me. I have no idea.

[91] I don't think I've ever said it out loud.

[92] I don't know that I have either.

[93] But I remember back in the day, you'd go to like the Gelson Ziles, if you were starting to really get fancy.

[94] To really enjoy your wealth.

[95] Yeah.

[96] I guess Aeron was around, but I was doing Whole Foods then.

[97] Yeah.

[98] I was like, get the Laudan Amio.

[99] Do whatever you can.

[100] If you come back without the La Domiomiomi, don't even come back.

[101] La D 'Omiomio?

[102] If they don't have La Dola Miomio and turn around, walk the fuck out of there.

[103] How are we not hearing any of that construction?

[104] This is incredible.

[105] This has a synthetic bubble.

[106] around it.

[107] You did something great.

[108] I did do something.

[109] So anyways, I liked this so much.

[110] I was dipping everything I could in it and I was pouring it on everything.

[111] And then one day I was like, I wonder how it tastes in coffee.

[112] Just curious.

[113] Recently there was a Starbucks olive oil situation.

[114] I know.

[115] So that's why I was asking, because you clearly are good at like.

[116] Forecasting food trends?

[117] Yeah.

[118] Yeah.

[119] That's what I get in here.

[120] I know.

[121] And I'm not even going to talk about that.

[122] Yes.

[123] And I'm not even going to deny it because it's known.

[124] I am so good at that.

[125] Yeah.

[126] No, but I've been.

[127] I've been.

[128] I've been.

[129] I've been.

[130] I don't know.

[131] And I've been.

[132] I I've been doing, Monica, right, for eight years or so, or 10, I think actually, in coffee.

[133] Well, it used to be butter.

[134] You've heard like the butter.

[135] That's what I was thinking is the biohacking, bulletproof.

[136] That was a part of it.

[137] And instead of putting butter in there, I was like, well, I guess it's the fat that prevents you from peeking and crashing.

[138] I don't know if any of that's real.

[139] But I just started doing it.

[140] And now I just really love the taste of it.

[141] Do you just pour it in or do you froth it?

[142] Thank you.

[143] No. Did you say magic bullet it?

[144] No, I said emulsify.

[145] Oh, well, Monica's a chef.

[146] I know cooking terms.

[147] Are you a chef?

[148] Amateur.

[149] Say no more.

[150] You've got my heart.

[151] You can come over.

[152] I'll cook for you.

[153] I love it.

[154] I have four children and my dream is one of them is interested in becoming a chef.

[155] Oh, right.

[156] So that you can enjoy it or for their, oh yeah, that's a good idea.

[157] For me to enjoy their culinary prowess.

[158] Yes.

[159] Do you like cooking?

[160] I do, but I haven't been cooking lately.

[161] And then if we go on vacation and rent a house, I'm like, I'm going to chat.

[162] I like playing house in that way.

[163] But I am doing construction and I'm building a genuinely exciting kitchen.

[164] First time in my life.

[165] Okay, at the house I've been to.

[166] Next door.

[167] Same vibe.

[168] Okay, great.

[169] Too many buildings.

[170] Too many buildings.

[171] Same property.

[172] One patch of grass.

[173] Nice.

[174] Same exact house.

[175] Where you found the wolf spider.

[176] I have that on my list of things.

[177] I thought that was a tarantula, but it's not...

[178] It was a tarantula.

[179] Let's be honest.

[180] Someone was just trying to be cool about it.

[181] an entomologist or something.

[182] It was a fucking wolf spider.

[183] Our tarantulas and wolf spider is the same thing?

[184] You tell me. No one knows what a wolf spider is.

[185] Nobody cares.

[186] When you see that thing, you don't care.

[187] No. It was bigger than a hockey puck.

[188] Smaller than a frisbee.

[189] It was bigger than a hot dog.

[190] That would be a terrible reference point.

[191] Longer than a coat hanger.

[192] No, but it was not as big as a frisbee, and it was bigger than a hockey puck.

[193] First of all, for you to think anything is big means it was scary.

[194] Right.

[195] Yeah, it was enormous, and it felt like it shouldn't be in Los Angeles.

[196] We need more details.

[197] What happened?

[198] You were outside.

[199] We were at my house, and we had recently replaced the air conditioner.

[200] So I think some big unit had come out, and some big guy was living there for a while.

[201] A big, big, big boy.

[202] Big boy.

[203] It was probably like a pound.

[204] Oh, God.

[205] No, no. That sounds so visible, like chicken eggs.

[206] Yeah.

[207] Gertie.

[208] And then when we were just walking out of the house, it was in.

[209] the walkway and all its hairiness was hanging out.

[210] It almost like a gorilla if you really think about it.

[211] Does everyone feel so itchy now?

[212] And by the way, I still live there.

[213] So it probably has a family.

[214] And I'm sure there's more, but they know how to hide.

[215] I was happy when I drove home that night.

[216] That you don't have to live there.

[217] Yes.

[218] Well, let me go backwards.

[219] Your family home is among the favorite houses I've ever been to in my life.

[220] And it's not because it's spectacular and grandeur, although it does sound like we're putting a lot of buildings on it, which is exciting.

[221] I mean, we just bought the house next door.

[222] Let's be honest.

[223] But it is the most quirky, authentic, real.

[224] It's not flashy, but it's like an older kind of wooden ranch.

[225] Everything's wooden.

[226] The sinks are wooden, the bathtubs wooden, the showers.

[227] The humans are wooden.

[228] And it has more charm than any other house I've ever been in, truly.

[229] It is true.

[230] And then such a sweet setup, because there was a horse barn.

[231] There was a horse barn, which I think became the garage, and then subsequently the previous owners had, you will appreciate this, a car garage, like a mechanics garage.

[232] Yeah, right, proper.

[233] And then Paul put a screen in there, and you would show movies in there.

[234] We still do.

[235] And so we had made this movie together, and it was just never going to be seen.

[236] By anyone ever.

[237] No, and God bless, I'm presuming Paul had the leverage.

[238] He got a print of that film so that we could at least see it.

[239] Like dignified actors who worked really hard.

[240] I don't think we're in a porno or something.

[241] But let's go back to the fact that didn't you and I march into 20th century Fox?

[242] I remember saying like, we're just going to go down there and be like, why didn't it come out?

[243] Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's going on?

[244] Why isn't this movie coming out?

[245] Because I, of course, I'm not the most optimistic person.

[246] I started to imagine, well, this must be quite bad.

[247] Which made no sense because you and I were in a film that was written and directed by Mike Judge.

[248] How could that be bad?

[249] It was called 3001.

[250] How could that be bad?

[251] Terry Cruz put on the show for us.

[252] Terry Cruz was the president.

[253] How could that be bad?

[254] Right.

[255] It was you, me, and Luke Wilson in Austin, Texas.

[256] Oh, Maya.

[257] How could that be bad?

[258] And then it just got really quiet for a really long time.

[259] I want to say like a year.

[260] And we also did some reshoots while I was doing a different movie.

[261] That didn't feel.

[262] That never feels great.

[263] You're not encouraged by that.

[264] It never feels great.

[265] Even worse.

[266] You might remember this plot twist, I was brought in to ADR my entire character without an accent.

[267] Wait, stop.

[268] Do you not know this?

[269] I think I blocked it out.

[270] Yeah, I was asked to come in there and just do the movie like Dax.

[271] Like, go away, Baiton.

[272] I like money, too.

[273] You like sex and money?

[274] We should hang out.

[275] My heart hurt.

[276] I know.

[277] Because they had determined that it was my terrible character that was making the movie test so horribly.

[278] Well, after they changed.

[279] the title from 2001, which is maybe one of the most brilliant titles I've ever heard about a future gone wrong to idiocracy where the first question is how do you spell that?

[280] Right.

[281] What was going on?

[282] They just were like we're scared to put this out.

[283] Wouldn't tell us.

[284] You still don't know.

[285] What do we think now?

[286] As I remember this everyone has these crazy theories.

[287] There are people that think oh, they went after big companies too hard.

[288] I don't believe any of that.

[289] You mean like Fedruckers?

[290] Yeah.

[291] Like Carl's Jr. I'm sure Carlton Cigarettes was pissed.

[292] I bet.

[293] Starbucks was giving hand jobs out in the movie, right?

[294] Yes, Latte's were hand jobs.

[295] So that was kind of one fringier theory, but in reality, and I hate to defend them, but the movie tested terribly.

[296] And Paul's the one who made the very best observation.

[297] I'll never forget this.

[298] I just want to say one of my favorite things about good old friends is they remember things that you don't.

[299] Please continue.

[300] Yes, the same.

[301] Paul saw it.

[302] your husband who's an incredible director paul thomas anderson so we are going to listen to this gentleman and he saw the movie and he said well no wonder this thing tests at 40 every time the people that go see free movies they know nothing about are the people being made fun of in the movie yeah and i was like oh my god that's exactly god damn it that's right this movie has had so many lives because remember before the trump election we went out and and screened it like, guys, don't let this happen to you.

[303] Right, right.

[304] Remember this funny?

[305] Isn't this funny?

[306] Yes.

[307] And it got not funny so fast.

[308] Yes.

[309] You're right.

[310] And then also it had that weird thing that happens when it's like, we knew it as 3001.

[311] That's what we read the first time.

[312] And then it got renamed to idiocry and I was like, I don't like this.

[313] It's too on the nose.

[314] Yeah, and it's hard because it's not what you fell in love with.

[315] But then, of course, the rest of the world only knows it is that.

[316] And they love it.

[317] And so now I don't mind it at all.

[318] Same.

[319] Would you agree, we made that movie, it came out, I didn't meet anyone for four years that had seen that movie.

[320] That's right.

[321] So when it was coming out, you and I said, hey, let's go see it.

[322] So that's what we did.

[323] We went to the Cinerama Dome, and I think you said, call movie phone because it's not on there.

[324] And it was like, oh, it's the Untitled Mike Judge film.

[325] They were hiding it from us.

[326] They did not want anyone to see it.

[327] It was you and me, and we had our own little party in there.

[328] And no one knew what I was talking about when I said that I made this movie for a very long time.

[329] So I'm trying to think what brought it out of, this is actually in line with the wolf spider a little bit.

[330] They were both in hiding for so long.

[331] Oh, my God.

[332] And then the light of day hit them somehow.

[333] Somehow.

[334] HVAC project.

[335] I don't even know.

[336] I guess it probably made its way to TV.

[337] But slowly it just started.

[338] I think my judge became more of a cachet and people started deep diving into it.

[339] everything he made.

[340] It is his weird pattern, though, because also office space had a very similar kind of, it came out, not a lot of people saw it, and then it became huge.

[341] So I would say to this day, that is the movie that people have stopped me about more than any other thing.

[342] And do they say, go away baiton?

[343] They say all kinds of fun stuff.

[344] I said, I like money the other day.

[345] I like money.

[346] But here's the other thing that's crazy about the movie is the whole time we were like, This is insane.

[347] This is crazy.

[348] Yeah, yeah.

[349] A professional wrestler for president.

[350] And then it came true so much faster than anticipated.

[351] We were shocked.

[352] And I bet people started watching it a little bit in the way that Monica watches the same movie of a topic she's nervous about.

[353] So like during the pandemic, she watched Contagion like 30 times in a row.

[354] And then we happen to read an article that people with anxiety rewatch stuff because they know how it ends.

[355] Right.

[356] Ooh.

[357] So I think maybe it would be.

[358] People started anxiety lodging it because they would know how that would end.

[359] Oh, that's so rough.

[360] Well, it's extra rough because you guys need to screen it again.

[361] Well.

[362] My God.

[363] We're going to keep screening it.

[364] What for the rest of our lives?

[365] For the rest of our lives.

[366] Yeah.

[367] We're just kind of stuck in some weird museum.

[368] I remember, too, my favorite thing about that re -screening of it was that the Aero Theater did put up a beautiful marquee.

[369] It's an ass.

[370] Who won for best picture, best screenplay, and best performance.

[371] So Monica and I were just in Austin for South by, and we stayed at the four seasons.

[372] Oh, my God.

[373] And I was telling Monica, I'm like, I don't know that they'll ever be a more special place for me because that was only the second movie I ever did.

[374] I never stayed at a four seasons.

[375] This was so foreign to me. And you and I were like two floors apart.

[376] And we had a view of the river.

[377] It's really seared into me. Every time I go there and I stand on the balcony and I look there, I get the warmest, warm fuzzies.

[378] And you know, it's almost right to this moment 20 years ago.

[379] Are you serious?

[380] Yeah, because we shot in 2004, spring into the beginning of summer.

[381] We had no children between us.

[382] Well, you found out you were pregnant by the end of the movie.

[383] While we were shooting?

[384] Or at the reshoots.

[385] One of the two.

[386] Must have been the reshoots.

[387] How old's your child?

[388] 18 19 next week October So then it must have been the reshoots That's crazy Yeah right Oh Yeah Well we didn't have childrens We didn't have churins But we had each other And I have to tell you It may have been One of the first times In my adult life Where I was like I made a friend You know what I mean Like we had a genuine Love Fest Friendship that started Blossomed grew Learned about each other Yes ate together, which is really learning about each other.

[389] Oh, yes.

[390] I learned a lot.

[391] Well, I was eating so much, as you recall.

[392] Yes, but you also introduced me to your palate.

[393] And because I love you, and at the time, it was such a love fest, you were like, oh, we got to go to this place.

[394] And I was like, great, let's go.

[395] Boston Market for the meatloaf.

[396] I wrote down about five things that you were so patient with me as a friend.

[397] It's hilarious.

[398] But I want to get to my favorite part, which is a, yes.

[399] Yes, I just like you instantly.

[400] I don't know how this happened, but very early on into hanging out, we developed this weird bit where we would just call one another's hotel room, landline to landline.

[401] And Maya would pick up and I would go, quarter pounder, lay a fish, happy meal, side dish.

[402] I haven't thought about this.

[403] And then hang up.

[404] And that's the tune, you remember, that's the exact tune.

[405] Ham and cheese.

[406] Cheese and ham.

[407] It always started with the quarter pounder for some reason.

[408] There was always a quarterpounder, or filetish is always included.

[409] Do you know why, maybe?

[410] I think it's because flayfish is my childhood McDonald's meal.

[411] We were told we were vegetarians when I was a child.

[412] That meant we did not eat beef.

[413] But flayfish was totally.

[414] The flayfish was fine.

[415] And they didn't have nuggets then.

[416] They didn't have McNuggets.

[417] Happy meal, cord ponder.

[418] Then it blossomed into like, happy meal, meal of choice.

[419] Like it would be the last word.

[420] Yes.

[421] I'm forgetting all the iterations, but it was a couple months, but nothing made me happy than I'd be sitting in bed, my phone would ring, and then I would just pick it up, and I wouldn't hear that.

[422] Rosebee, fillet a fish.

[423] Lay a fish.

[424] Fish and chip.

[425] No reason.

[426] I believe he started it.

[427] I can't imagine that, but boy, was that fun.

[428] And it just never ended.

[429] We had that beautiful walk by the river.

[430] Right behind the hotel is lovely, and there was all these strange ducks.

[431] I really fell in love with them.

[432] that city.

[433] Big surprise.

[434] People fell in love with Austin, Texas.

[435] But this was a long time ago.

[436] It was so long ago that when we were shooting, I was falling so in love with it.

[437] I started looking at tons of real estate.

[438] And all of those houses that were on the lake on a couple acres in big houses were like 700 grand.

[439] Jesus.

[440] You cannot buy a house on that lake now for under 6 million.

[441] So like, yes, in many ways we were way ahead of the curve.

[442] I'm that person who's been here this whole time, but I've never been ahead of the curve.

[443] And I mean anywhere on any game on anything when you're like, oh yeah, that's over now.

[444] People aren't doing that anymore.

[445] You're like, yeah, I just figured that out.

[446] That's me with like real estate.

[447] I've never been like, yeah, we found this very small town on this little inlet islet.

[448] And it's in the Bahamas and it was $400.

[449] They're telling us now it's worth $8 million.

[450] $8 million.

[451] Can you believe it?

[452] I've never done that.

[453] Okay, another wonderful thing that happened to us on the movie is that we were both given drivers slash assistance.

[454] And I had a boy and you had a girl.

[455] Wait, was her name Monica?

[456] No. What was...

[457] I don't know her name, but I think where the story's going, maybe we'll just leave her kind of anonymous.

[458] You know what?

[459] You're right.

[460] And by the way, there's no way she had that pedestrian of a name.

[461] Hey!

[462] What the hell?

[463] Listen, Monica's a normal name.

[464] This one had a name like Skyler or Star.

[465] It was like Star from the last boys.

[466] There was something of on guard about the name, as I recall.

[467] And the person, yes.

[468] Yeah.

[469] I had no boundary.

[470] So I would come in my trailer and my good friend, he had smoked a pack and a half a cigarette and there's his butts everywhere and everything.

[471] So we didn't know how to do this.

[472] We were children.

[473] We were children and we invited them everywhere we went, which I think was nice of us.

[474] We did not know better.

[475] Why don't you just tell everyone about our trip to Barton Springs?

[476] Barton Springs is this beautiful public swimming area hole.

[477] I talk about it all the time in here.

[478] It's a spring fed, natural little riverway, but they've paved the sides of it.

[479] And then there's a dam at the end, so it's about five football fields of water and then grassy banks on either And everybody just chills on the grassy banks.

[480] And it's a lot of, like, college student vibe, maybe some hippies.

[481] Songwriters.

[482] Some people that don't have jobs during the day.

[483] And we had the day off.

[484] I think we'd gone to the frozen custard place and gotten some ice cream.

[485] Absolutely.

[486] Sandy's.

[487] Sandy's.

[488] Wow.

[489] We were just there.

[490] And I was telling Monica I saw it.

[491] We didn't go, but you pointed it out.

[492] I'm so curious.

[493] You know, when you go someone, you're like, is it still here?

[494] It is mostly all still there.

[495] Yeah, and it's that strip.

[496] And we had that most enchanted dinner at Saltwick with Mike.

[497] And I still go there all the time and I still get those butterflies.

[498] I wonder that's why you love it so much.

[499] Oh, big time.

[500] Yeah, yeah.

[501] Yeah, because it was like a night where Mike was like, I'm going to take you guys to Texas barbecue.

[502] And with his family.

[503] And you had been taken to Boston Market before that.

[504] That's correct.

[505] Wow.

[506] So the big step up.

[507] I was in need of a heightened.

[508] The Boston Market doesn't end there.

[509] The earmarked that.

[510] We went to see Mean Girl.

[511] We went to see Mean Girls right after.

[512] That's what we did.

[513] We went to dinner in a movie.

[514] Because Mean Girls had just come out.

[515] You were like, I know the place.

[516] Don't worry, Tuts.

[517] You hungry?

[518] She'll have what I'm having.

[519] I'll have two of them and she'll have one.

[520] So we go have the day off.

[521] And of course, we bring our assistants.

[522] Yes, of course.

[523] Because I think we were all like the same age -ish.

[524] Yeah, roughly.

[525] When you're in your 20s, you're the same age.

[526] Your guy was a little younger.

[527] I think she was the youngest stuff.

[528] Just turning 30, maybe, 31.

[529] Austin, Texas, in the summer is perfect.

[530] It's perfect.

[531] A little humid, you get some thunderstorms.

[532] This is like flowers blooming, grass.

[533] You're in a young people.

[534] Yeah, exactly.

[535] And so we are hanging out as friends, the four of us.

[536] Just met.

[537] And my gal proceeds to take her top off.

[538] Oh.

[539] Is she an Austin native?

[540] No. She was newly in town, as I recall.

[541] Okay, okay, okay.

[542] I don't remember.

[543] By the way, let's be clear.

[544] This was after other things were kind of like head scratchy, where I was like, so you did what with your dry cleaning?

[545] I think she was like shop.

[546] She was doing some grocery shopping for herself.

[547] Like she would do some for you, but also do quite a bit for herself, as I recall.

[548] Like one for you, two for me. Yes, yes.

[549] No one's going to know this.

[550] And then some dry cleaning.

[551] And now she was just fully topless.

[552] But it wasn't just that she was topless.

[553] It was that I made eye contact with you immediately.

[554] And your eyeballs seared inside of my eyeballs.

[555] The most direct, like, what do we do?

[556] At that point, we're in a very precarious situation, which is in some loose terms where they're employers.

[557] That's right.

[558] You're her boss.

[559] By some extension, I'm higher on the ladder.

[560] So, holy fuck, how do I now talk to her?

[561] You talk to her?

[562] Eyebrows.

[563] Chin up.

[564] Yeah.

[565] Have you ever had that where?

[566] Someone just talks to the top of your head or the top of your forehead.

[567] Have you ever noticed that?

[568] It makes me very insecure.

[569] Not insecure.

[570] It makes my butt hole a little tight.

[571] It makes me uncomfortable.

[572] Sure.

[573] I'm going to do it to you.

[574] Can you feel it?

[575] No. So when we were down there, you can't even feel them?

[576] No, it looks like you're looking at me. Oh, wow, what a good trick.

[577] Maybe I'll go higher.

[578] Now I'm going to go higher.

[579] Go like, yeah.

[580] Yeah, that's it.

[581] Ooh, I don't like it.

[582] That's so weird.

[583] Winking at you.

[584] There was a girl in my fourth grade class who would get really defensive and she'd talk to you like this.

[585] Oh, I can't think you that.

[586] Is that?

[587] It was a little bit of, like, check -in with the eyes, like, I'm looking down, but I'm still looking up here.

[588] Ew, weird.

[589] I don't like what just happened.

[590] Right?

[591] Doesn't it make you feel ukey?

[592] Yeah, it does.

[593] No, grazzi.

[594] Okay, so top came off, and then no one addressed it.

[595] No one said a word.

[596] What are you going to say?

[597] We're her employers.

[598] Well, but she didn't take the hint.

[599] Because you all kept your tops.

[600] We worked together.

[601] Because we all kept her top off to you in front of mine And it was just one big boob What an enormous uni boob But didn't you find a picture of all of us hanging out Or something in our adult lives that really took us back?

[602] I think I did And I almost feel like it's from Barton Springs But before her top was off It was pre -top And you know what, I'm going to add one thing She was actually wearing a button -down shirt I remember that.

[603] That's creepy.

[604] So it's not like it was just a, it came off and all of a sudden.

[605] Oh, it was like, I'm going to unbutton my dress shirt that had been trimmed at the bottom.

[606] Did other people there do that?

[607] It was kind of pre that, to be honest.

[608] I didn't feel that from any other people there.

[609] She started a trend.

[610] I feel like sometimes people do that in life where you're like, oh, this was awkward or that made me feel uncomfortable.

[611] And then you look back and you realize that person might have been pushing some buttons on purpose.

[612] Yes.

[613] I would never stop to think that it maybe created something for her or maybe she just was like hoping Dax would look, I don't know.

[614] Or you.

[615] She wasn't that interested in me. By the way, I don't think she was interested in either of us.

[616] No, yeah.

[617] I kind of applaud it.

[618] She was on her own journey.

[619] I would love to bump into her.

[620] I just want an update.

[621] I think that Mike Judge should screen the movie again for the next election and make it a reunion so we can see everybody.

[622] I would love that.

[623] Oh, my God, that'd be great.

[624] In Austin.

[625] Because it was just us.

[626] It should have been in Austin.

[627] Although.

[628] Hey, you never got the premiere you deserve.

[629] We never got the premiere we deserved.

[630] Okay, a couple other things we must touch down on.

[631] We were our most selfish, well, I can't speak for you.

[632] But career -wise, my most selfish moment ever on a set was you and I just left.

[633] We were in the middle of a scene.

[634] Wait, really?

[635] Yes, because we wanted to go see Prince.

[636] Oh, yeah.

[637] Do you remember?

[638] Of course I do in San Antonio.

[639] Yes, Prince was playing in San Antonio and you pulled some crazy strings or someone did.

[640] I was talking to Koppelvitz a lot that day.

[641] It was the day where we were not on camera as much.

[642] We were in the audience for Luke being president.

[643] And we were like, sorry, buddy, we got to go.

[644] Then, by the way, you always shoot the guy making the speech or the woman making the speech and then cut to the audience.

[645] They get to go first.

[646] They have a bunch of dialogue.

[647] I just smiled and gave him the finger.

[648] And we convinced them to shoot our side of the scene first.

[649] So we could drive in the pouring rain.

[650] How many hours away?

[651] It's like an hour and a half to San Antonio.

[652] But in heavy rain.

[653] Like sleet and snow.

[654] In my Chrysler 300 rental car.

[655] Are you guys both in relationships at this time?

[656] She was with Paul.

[657] Yeah?

[658] And I was with Bree.

[659] And Bree was there for a good chunk of it.

[660] I just can't imagine you guys didn't fall in love.

[661] Well, that's interesting.

[662] We didn't.

[663] Well, I felt like it was more than love.

[664] This is like when you fall in love with a human as your friend, like I would take a bullet for you.

[665] That was our thing.

[666] Yeah, molecular.

[667] Molecular.

[668] Like you guys.

[669] But you're right, Monica.

[670] And I'm going to say there's two or three things about you that I find really, really unique.

[671] And this is one of them.

[672] So if I hadn't had a girlfriend, I would have definitely tried to kiss you.

[673] Tried to pork me?

[674] I would have.

[675] Because I liked you so much.

[676] And you're female and attractive.

[677] So why on earth would I not?

[678] And I was really young.

[679] So we looked great.

[680] Yes.

[681] You more than me because I was the - Frito Body.

[682] We all look great.

[683] You on purpose had Frito Body, which is a thing that I can't even imagine doing.

[684] Like, I got to eat all this shit Because I got to look like shit on camera Yeah, it's really telling that it was my second movie Like I would have never done that again But I was like, I'll do anything You were so young that you didn't gain that much weight It was fine But I'm curious, how have you navigated that?

[685] Not boning people?

[686] Well, just you have a lot of male comedian friends You and I met on that movie face to face But I had seen you in Groundling shows I was going through the program And I mostly would see you and Steve Agee do things together Oh yeah You guys were Such a good comedy duo and you were so raunchy together.

[687] Yes.

[688] And I was friends with Aegee and I was thinking like, well, if I was Aegee, I would definitely be in love with Maya.

[689] And then I would just think probably so many of these men that you've been comedically involved with were in love with you.

[690] How did you manage all that?

[691] First of all, thank you for this question because no one has ever asked me this and you're making you feel really good.

[692] It definitely happens.

[693] But Maya, you're so beautiful and you're so talented.

[694] It's crazy.

[695] I should have come here a long time ago.

[696] I've ever said this to me in my entire life.

[697] I don't know what to answer.

[698] In Groundlings, I had a boyfriend.

[699] Okay.

[700] For how long?

[701] Most of it, and then he dumped me. I had passed up so much comedy dom.

[702] For this guy.

[703] I feel like between Groundlings and Saturday Night Live, having a boyfriend, I missed out on so much comedy don't.

[704] Yeah.

[705] Which isn't legendarily great dong.

[706] No, it's not.

[707] It's actually kind of known to be pretty bad don't.

[708] It's like dark.

[709] Dark, twisted, twisted, twisted dog.

[710] And we're not talking about aesthetics.

[711] Emotional, emotionally twisted dongs.

[712] Heavy use of substances, swoppy.

[713] I dodged so many bullets in that respect.

[714] But the other thing is comedians and most thespians have such a fun flirtation.

[715] Right, yeah, yeah.

[716] So you get to have that, especially with these dudes that feel like your brother.

[717] But yeah, I wish I'd gotten a lot more...

[718] That mediocre.

[719] It would have been fun to reflect.

[720] On that flaccid dong.

[721] But that's why you had boyfriends.

[722] I had moved back to L .A. with my college boyfriend.

[723] I also think you might not know that guys like you is my hunch, too.

[724] That is something I know about myself.

[725] Right.

[726] A little bit of Monicaisms.

[727] Oh, you're like oblivious to that.

[728] I do have that because I've noticed in life, I'll say something and I'll say, yeah, he likes you.

[729] You're like, what?

[730] I didn't know that.

[731] Right.

[732] Same over here.

[733] Why do you think that is?

[734] Because I find that fascinating about myself.

[735] My own personal theory is that I'm also a little bit of a boy because of my upbringing.

[736] I grew up with my brother and my dad.

[737] After my mom passed, you know, I was seven.

[738] So the majority of my childhood home was my dad and my brother.

[739] And my brother's older, and he was super funny.

[740] So I just wanted to be like my brother.

[741] Right, of course.

[742] And so I'm a little bit of a dude DNA -wise, you know?

[743] So that's, yeah, your story, I think.

[744] That's how you have explained why guys aren't hitting on you or...

[745] Well, then also I think that I relate to guys in that way, maybe.

[746] Stay tuned for more of a firemanier expert, if you dare.

[747] Well, Monica has a story, too.

[748] I do.

[749] But mine's reality.

[750] So it's like not cool to call it a story.

[751] That was great.

[752] Well, yeah, I grew up in, you know, God, how many times?

[753] She's never heard of it.

[754] You can cut it out.

[755] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[756] Grew up in Georgia, all white.

[757] The boys didn't like me. Same experience, by the.

[758] Yeah.

[759] I had a hunch.

[760] And by the way, all of it's built on a single, well, I don't want to diminish it.

[761] It is built largely on one very profound experience.

[762] Well, that was the culmination.

[763] Okay, it wasn't.

[764] There were lots of things that were telling me, uh -oh, being brown isn't so great in this environment.

[765] And then it culminated in sixth grade.

[766] And this boy said he couldn't date me because my parents worked at Dairy Queen, which they don't.

[767] But Indians worked at the Dairy Queen, or ran the Dairy Queen, I guess.

[768] Owned.

[769] Owned, probably, franchised.

[770] Oh, we own this Dairy Queen.

[771] Okay, Dairy Queen.

[772] In retrospect, they were very successful.

[773] But he liked her.

[774] He said, I want to, but I can't, because her parents work at Dairy Queen.

[775] And then, you know, that got back to me, and then I was like, oh, I see so.

[776] So they can't.

[777] It's not that they don't want to.

[778] It's just, okay, this thing about me has made it actually impossible for love.

[779] And then that really, really detoured the rest of my life.

[780] Wow.

[781] I think that we have a very similar experience.

[782] I grew up here in Los Angeles.

[783] I was the only mixed kid, let alone only brown girl in my class.

[784] And we're talking 80s.

[785] So at the birthday parties, girls would French braid each other's hair.

[786] And I was like, check please.

[787] No one's getting their fingers through this.

[788] And then there were those cute little barrettes in the 80s that people would put little lanyard pretty like strings in.

[789] Those didn't fit in my hair.

[790] Or like when I went to Mary Wigmore's boy girl's swim party, I had short hair and it was very.

[791] very curly and Zandrick was like go under the water and so I'd go under the water and he was like do it again and I do it again he goes your hair looks like a sponge and I'm 51 years old and it's still her yes you know and then he was also the kid that was like hey will you talk to Mary for me it was always about my friend Mary 100 % who's like beautiful wonderful funny great with kids good dancer all true great with kids great When you said detour, what I heard was the choice to detour for ourselves.

[792] We made that choice.

[793] We were like, I'm going over here to protect myself.

[794] Yes.

[795] And I only mean story because that was sixth grade.

[796] I know.

[797] You know?

[798] And so there was a lot of time after that.

[799] I can only assume this and backdate it because I've been around her all the time for eight years.

[800] And I see a lot of guys like her and guys come to the show and hold up signs and people hit on her in front of me and I can see and she can't.

[801] I'm just saying that once that changes your point of view, it does become really hard to come back from that.

[802] Yeah, it does.

[803] I think the quintessential ingredient in that story, which makes it heartbreaking, is he liked you and you liked him.

[804] Yeah.

[805] And the friend was like, why don't you ask her out?

[806] You guys like each other.

[807] That's really gnarly that you were told that.

[808] Yes.

[809] So then, yes, the story makes a ton of sense, which is, well, even if they like me, they're not going to do so.

[810] I'm just turning off the whole thing because it's just going to be painful and hurtful and I'm going to protect myself.

[811] Anyways, I just think I know you miss it a lot and I had a hunch, maybe.

[812] Maybe you missed it a lot.

[813] You are very astute.

[814] And I also didn't realize, because now that I've had four children and my body has become something I don't recognize, I look back at my young self and those grounding states, and I was like, wow, I was so cute.

[815] Oh my God, you were so hot.

[816] My boobs were so cute.

[817] So perky.

[818] So perky.

[819] I had the best boobs.

[820] I had the best little body and I didn't know it.

[821] You would have blown her right off the hill at Barton Springs if you would unleash those suckers.

[822] If those suckers came out to play at Barton Springs.

[823] I'm going to shut down the whole park.

[824] Everyone out of the water!

[825] Out of the water!

[826] What's it called?

[827] This is also what happens.

[828] I'm not going to remember words.

[829] What's it called when the sun is blocked and you have to look through something?

[830] Eclipse.

[831] Thanks.

[832] We're coming up on one, by the way.

[833] Really?

[834] It's right around the corner.

[835] Yeah, it's about to happen.

[836] Somehow you are getting even by doing that now.

[837] We're just going to smear her name through the whole thing.

[838] The other thing is I don't know if I know how to recognize people hitting on.

[839] me. Yeah.

[840] I genuinely don't think I'm that aware.

[841] I don't know what it looks like when you said you saw it happening for Monica.

[842] Did she not see it?

[843] No, we fight about it.

[844] Oh, that guy was hitting on you and she'll go, no, he wasn't.

[845] He was saying blank.

[846] And then it's a fight.

[847] She's never gone, oh, really?

[848] Yeah.

[849] I also think you're wrong a lot or you think something.

[850] Okay.

[851] I know the ways of love.

[852] I don't know how much I can keep in of the story I'm about to say.

[853] We had someone on this show who was flirting with me. I was like, yeah, he's flirting.

[854] But I know he's not.

[855] so interested.

[856] Like, I know.

[857] And we left in taxes, like, he's going to ask you out.

[858] And I was like, I mean, maybe, whatever.

[859] And did Letterman call you?

[860] Yeah.

[861] Actually, yeah.

[862] But at two in the morning.

[863] That's okay.

[864] It's Lerman.

[865] He can get away with, you can do whatever he wants.

[866] Actually, he's super flattering.

[867] He could do whatever he wants.

[868] He was kind of flirty.

[869] He's the best.

[870] He was amazing.

[871] He's the fucking greatest of all time.

[872] He really is.

[873] Okay, so he didn't.

[874] Well, hold on.

[875] went nowhere.

[876] And I actually was kind of mad at you when it went nowhere.

[877] Hold on a second.

[878] He asked for her number.

[879] Okay.

[880] That's, when we were taking pictures.

[881] That's right.

[882] He asked for her number.

[883] And Daxes.

[884] Both of ours.

[885] And then I walked him out and he said, Monica's so cool.

[886] That means.

[887] Yeah, he's like telling me like, yeah, Monica's so cool.

[888] How long have you guys know each other?

[889] Like he wants to know more about Monica.

[890] So questions equal interest.

[891] Okay.

[892] I agree.

[893] I'm not there yet.

[894] My aunt.

[895] Then he text her after the episode came out.

[896] Now, he has ghosted her.

[897] He has ghosted her.

[898] What did he say?

[899] What happened?

[900] Was he like, You up?

[901] I wish.

[902] Me and Letterman are just hanging.

[903] That would have been more clear.

[904] I would have liked that.

[905] It wasn't clear.

[906] No. And that's also not what happened.

[907] He texted right after we recorded.

[908] And so like, hey, I got you or something.

[909] I'm sorry?

[910] I know.

[911] That's like new slang.

[912] I'm learning it too.

[913] What does it mean?

[914] Like, I got your number.

[915] That's flirty to me. He has ghosted her for sure.

[916] But there's another thing going on, which is there's also a reality of the world.

[917] This guy is very popular.

[918] right now.

[919] He's traveling all around and a lot of girls like him.

[920] And he probably likes several girls.

[921] And so, yeah, he probably has his hands full and he goes, said Monica.

[922] But I still maintain he liked her and he did reach out to her and he did ask for her number.

[923] And to say that this young dude with every option in the world is like a great pursuer of thing.

[924] I'm not making that argument.

[925] And he probably is distracted by all kinds of hot comedy dong right now.

[926] So much comedy dong.

[927] Well, I know, but like...

[928] Listen, I've never been anywhere in my life and then randomly met someone and then decided to get their number and then text them because I want to be friends with a stranger.

[929] He liked you.

[930] I also don't think I've ever pursued anyone myself.

[931] So I don't know how it works.

[932] I can only imagine it can be painful when you pursue people and they don't reciprocate.

[933] So maybe his move is not so cool, but he tried.

[934] Then I texted him and then I was flirting.

[935] Did you say you up?

[936] That's what everyone says.

[937] That's the go -to.

[938] It's the only text, actually.

[939] There's one button now on younger people's phone and it's just one button that says you up.

[940] Ooh, great idea.

[941] I texted him and I was flirty and then there was no response.

[942] Gross.

[943] I was mad at you first because I was an easy target.

[944] And then I really was honest with myself and I was like, man, this is why I don't do this.

[945] No, Monica.

[946] That's not the right lesson.

[947] Yeah, because I know it's, listen, stop.

[948] So, you know, it's like, he likes you.

[949] that was me protecting myself and then I was like you know what no I am gonna text him I am gonna flirt and then full ghosting was like oh yeah this is why you don't do this I totally get it I've been ghosted in that way as well and it makes you feel like oh no good deed goes unpunished why did I fucking open like a sliver of my heart and I wasn't going to I was being smart yeah you went against what you thought was right but again there is a reality that this person has been out of town virtually since we met him and he's being nominated for everything and there are a lot of girls, I'm sure, in his sphere.

[950] Whatever, you say I'm busy.

[951] All that's not good, but it does not say that he didn't actually like her.

[952] Oh, he liked you.

[953] Yes.

[954] It's clear to me. But I will say, I don't think it's the last text you'll ever get from him.

[955] Well, it might be the last text you ever gets from me. This episode's brought to you by Laudie Mio.

[956] Lallie Bion, y, my, so meo.

[957] Anyway, we really got derailed.

[958] I disagree.

[959] That was good rail.

[960] I think you're right.

[961] And I love that you've thought about it.

[962] That makes me love you more because I know as my friend you see me. So that makes me feel really good.

[963] And I'm also in good company because it's such a similar experience.

[964] I was, you know, in a small group of kids growing up and felt so ugly duckling vibes.

[965] I'm going to also say it was compounded by you're in L .A. at Crossroads.

[966] Some of the white people that are relative to you are like princesses on planet Earth.

[967] It's not even just like you're rummaging around my hometown in Michigan.

[968] It's pretty extreme.

[969] And I had a similar thing of, like, the boy I loved, my whole childhood.

[970] The elementary school that I went to, we were a small group of kids, was 25 kids.

[971] And I was in love with Dax.

[972] He was, you know him?

[973] I never, yeah.

[974] Yeah, I just, my breath went away because I heard you were in love with Dax first came out.

[975] Well, I told you, you're the only other Dax I've ever known.

[976] That's the only Dax other than him I've ever heard.

[977] Dax was the love of my life and he did not love me back.

[978] All my friends do, I loved him.

[979] I loved him.

[980] I loved him.

[981] he was fucking huge and he had this big blonde bull cut he's super hot now he's grown out of his bowl cut but he's very handsome married man in the old days he was the love of my life I just knew that that was my person and we were really good friends and then junior high great friends and I was like it's about to happen he's about to go down nothing happened and then he left school but then he came back as a senior and I think he had the nerve to tell me at our 30th high school reunion you're like, oh, I was in love with you.

[982] I was like, you know what, bitch?

[983] First of all, that doesn't count.

[984] Exactly.

[985] And do you even believe him?

[986] I don't.

[987] I don't believe him.

[988] Like, why didn't he tell me then?

[989] You guys, both of you.

[990] It's easy for him to say now.

[991] Thank you.

[992] You guys are the smartest and dumbest people I've ever met.

[993] Monica, can you look at Maya and go, of course anyone will be in love with her?

[994] Duh.

[995] A hundred percent.

[996] And then Maya, can you look at Monica and go like, oh, course.

[997] But it doesn't penetrate.

[998] Yeah.

[999] It's true.

[1000] Did you have a thing that I've figured out I have in therapy, which is I seek specifically white male approval so much because that was who was rejecting me all the time?

[1001] Oh, God.

[1002] I have to think about that one.

[1003] I just threw a hand in the other like, too is that a gospel.

[1004] It's just like, that just shivered down my spine.

[1005] I'm trying to think, I mean, yes and no, because I feel like I've also worked out some things.

[1006] I also have, well, my dad's Jewish.

[1007] I guess he looks white.

[1008] My dad is superhuman great guy.

[1009] He's like the best guy in the world, so I don't have bad dad stuff.

[1010] It's really interesting.

[1011] There's a type of white guy that I know I'm invisible to.

[1012] Interesting.

[1013] And it's kind of like a fratty guy.

[1014] They can't see me. I don't register for them.

[1015] They don't know what to make of me. There's just some opakness in the air.

[1016] They don't get it and they don't want to get it.

[1017] It doesn't compute.

[1018] And I do find that very fascinating.

[1019] Yeah.

[1020] God, again, I'm not sure I believe you entirely, but I think probably 80%.

[1021] There's no way to know.

[1022] There isn't.

[1023] I'd have to be around you in some blowhard jock to see.

[1024] You're triggering a slight memory of being single.

[1025] By way, I've only had like three boyfriends.

[1026] Yeah, yeah.

[1027] You've not really been single much in your life.

[1028] No, but that's the thing.

[1029] They're just long relationships.

[1030] I haven't been like dong to dong or anything like that.

[1031] Don't know where this dong ends and that one begins.

[1032] I mean.

[1033] Endless dong.

[1034] Same time.

[1035] But I do remember being in a bar once like on the West Side.

[1036] Maybe I was in Venice, and my hair was, I started relaxing it when I was at S &L, but before it was my natural curls, it's very thick, natural curly hair.

[1037] It's quite beautiful.

[1038] I've seen many photos, and you used to be at the groundlings with that.

[1039] At the groundlings, yeah.

[1040] Once I got to S &L and could have got into the wigs, we had to, like, reroute.

[1041] And then I just never got out of the route.

[1042] I'm going to get there one day.

[1043] I look forward to it.

[1044] Thank you.

[1045] Yeah, yeah.

[1046] But I was going to say, I met a guy at a bar, and he was like, hey, wild woman.

[1047] Oh, my God.

[1048] And I remember being like, oh, that's what you see.

[1049] Yeah.

[1050] You're so right to be upset.

[1051] And also, you've got to consider the source sometimes.

[1052] It's like, you're, like, giving these dumb 20 -year -old people that are drunk, some kind of wisdom they don't have.

[1053] I know, but they're running the world at the time.

[1054] Thank you.

[1055] I agree with that.

[1056] Let me just say, like, you're assuming he really thinks that.

[1057] And then I'm going, like, on the walk up, too, he's like, he's running through ideas.

[1058] I'm going to say, hey, sexy mama.

[1059] No, hey, chickie mama.

[1060] Oh, wow, woman.

[1061] Again, butthole is tight.

[1062] I know.

[1063] Totally tight.

[1064] You just don't even know what he was cycling through before he later.

[1065] I'll move it.

[1066] That's a zero.

[1067] You lose.

[1068] Yes, yes, yes.

[1069] But I do want to say to bring it all the way back.

[1070] I couldn't be more grateful that wasn't our trajectory because I've got to be friends with you for 20 years and I've loved it so much.

[1071] And you're right.

[1072] We have a very fun, flirty time together.

[1073] We play.

[1074] I knew in anticipation of today that my stomach was going to hurt.

[1075] And I was really excited about that.

[1076] Yeah, same.

[1077] And that's probably the best outcome you couldn't have.

[1078] Agreed.

[1079] Okay.

[1080] Now, when I was reflecting back, I'm embarrassed by several.

[1081] things from that period.

[1082] Really?

[1083] You were on a journey at that time.

[1084] I was on a journey.

[1085] I was sober while we were working, but I hadn't fully figured that out yet.

[1086] That was coming in six months.

[1087] I remember that.

[1088] Yeah, yeah.

[1089] But beyond that, I had been trying for eight years to get employment.

[1090] And then you met me. Punk had aired nine months before that, and I had just done one movie, and then I was there doing this movie with you.

[1091] So, like, I was so enamored with everything.

[1092] I was so ambitious.

[1093] I had such interest in everything, in fame, all this stuff.

[1094] You were very patient with me. I was thinking back today of some of the things you had to kind of just wade through.

[1095] And now that I have daughters who have famous parents, I have an entirely different perspective that I didn't have that.

[1096] So like my daughter recently shared with me, we're in the pool.

[1097] She was going to go to a friend's house.

[1098] And I said, when you go to this sleepover, do you downplay how much money we have or where we've been?

[1099] And she goes, for sure.

[1100] But also those friends know I really hate talking about them.

[1101] And I said, oh, do people want to talk to you about that a lot?

[1102] And she goes, yeah, at least twice a week someone comes up to me on the playground.

[1103] I was like, are you rich?

[1104] What's your mom like?

[1105] That whole thing that she has to deal with, that's a bummer.

[1106] Of course, I grew up broke and I wanted people think I was rich enough.

[1107] She's got this thing and it's a completely other thing I would have never anticipated.

[1108] But I think about that in the same way.

[1109] I wanted to know about your mom.

[1110] And I love your mother's music.

[1111] And I would sing.

[1112] I did this kind of charitically.

[1113] I don't know if you remember this.

[1114] I would sing loving you all the time.

[1115] And you at one point finally had to say, like, you got to stop singing that around me. I did, huh?

[1116] Good for you.

[1117] I'm glad you said it if that's how I felt.

[1118] I'm sure I was honest with you about why.

[1119] It's too painful.

[1120] It's very painful, which, of course, I'm so stupid.

[1121] I'm not even thinking that.

[1122] I'm thinking you must be so proud that was your mom.

[1123] My mother didn't die at 7th.

[1124] I don't know what you're thinking.

[1125] But right after you told me, we were then filming a scene in like a stadium.

[1126] And there was all kinds of extras.

[1127] And they were local hires from all over Texas.

[1128] So it was like a whole cross -section of folks.

[1129] And several people came up to you and just started talking you about your mom.

[1130] And then I went like, oh, my God, yeah, I was doing that too.

[1131] And no wonder this is a very complicated topic.

[1132] And yeah, these strangers want to come up to you and talk to you about that.

[1133] I could see how rough it was.

[1134] But I did it.

[1135] And also what's interesting is there are so many layers to it, strangers as opposed to a friend who's like, oh, this is cool to talk about, but not having that thought, oh, maybe this person doesn't want to talk about it.

[1136] Also, that was at a different stage of my life where that would be painful to me, whereas now I'm just like, oh my God, okay, yeah, go ahead, go for it, sing it.

[1137] But it's not painful.

[1138] But I was still pretty young.

[1139] And it wasn't like a magic bullet of, oh, I have kids now I'm healed.

[1140] But after I started having my kids, I think I looked back and went like, oh, I don't feel the pain in the same way.

[1141] But it's never going to be gone.

[1142] It's just that I hadn't processed any of it at that time in my life.

[1143] I watched Terms of Endearment recently as an adult parent.

[1144] Oh, I should do that.

[1145] Ooh, because she's saying goodbye to her kids.

[1146] She knows she's dying.

[1147] Oh.

[1148] And it's like, are you fucking kidding me?

[1149] Oh, yeah.

[1150] Brutal.

[1151] But I didn't identify that when I saw it before because I wasn't a parent.

[1152] I wasn't a mom.

[1153] Right.

[1154] But yeah, that's so interesting.

[1155] And I don't remember.

[1156] You don't.

[1157] It's funny, a lot of the stuff I carry around.

[1158] I even remember being kind of overly interested that you were dating Paul.

[1159] You know, of course, I worshipped him like every other boy as a director.

[1160] And that was new for us.

[1161] We were still kind of figuring it out.

[1162] Like, I don't even know if we were on or off at that time.

[1163] It was like early doors.

[1164] Yeah.

[1165] You were on, and I remember calling him by his full name.

[1166] And I remember this look on your face.

[1167] I was like, oh, yeah, I just did something really weird.

[1168] I clearly just fell off the truck.

[1169] And I don't know what I'm doing.

[1170] But that's also you.

[1171] Like, of course you said his full name, you know?

[1172] Yeah, I didn't.

[1173] Your dad.

[1174] You've always been dad.

[1175] Well, so the other thing that confused me greatly, you might remember this.

[1176] But I remember you and I had this conversation, which is when you signed on to do that movie, you had to give them an option.

[1177] Oh my God, I'm like, wait, what?

[1178] The then head of comedy, or maybe she was the president of Fox, I don't even remember what position she had, but very high up.

[1179] She wanted to have a meeting with you.

[1180] Your life was very, very hectic.

[1181] No questions about it.

[1182] You're shooting that movie, and you were doing SNL, and a lot was going on.

[1183] But you were like, I don't know when I'm going to go talk to this person.

[1184] and blah, blah, blah.

[1185] And I said there's an executive that wants to make a movie with you.

[1186] This is such good news.

[1187] And you're like, yeah, I don't know.

[1188] I say that because I continue to witness this the whole time I've known you.

[1189] You have this very, very loose, confident relationship with this job, which almost none of us have.

[1190] I think I've come to have it.

[1191] But you've always had this very take it or leave it, or at least from the outside.

[1192] I know.

[1193] I know I have it.

[1194] It's super weird.

[1195] And I don't know why.

[1196] You have no explanation for it.

[1197] I don't, but I agree with you.

[1198] I even heard myself say something this morning, I was like, I like to walk.

[1199] Like, if it doesn't work, I like to walk.

[1200] I don't know.

[1201] And I don't consider myself the healthiest person emotionally.

[1202] I've had lots of therapy, but I did start to notice that I'm like that.

[1203] I'm sure it has something to do with my parents growing up in an entertainment, like a musical household, because they were musicians, they weren't actors.

[1204] But that felt very relaxed to me. and their friends did it, and that was really relaxed.

[1205] And there was something about that that was pretty fucking cool, but also really normal.

[1206] My trajectory was I wanted to go to New York, and I wanted to be on Saturday Night Live.

[1207] Or the experience, not necessarily to have a bunch of movies that you lead and all that.

[1208] I mean, let's be honest.

[1209] Yeah, I wanted that too.

[1210] I understand that drive to be somewhere else, forage in a new city and create my own path.

[1211] But that's a huge undertaking.

[1212] I wasn't like, oh, my dad writes songs.

[1213] That's going to make me a comedian.

[1214] There was no direct line.

[1215] I knew I had to get there myself.

[1216] And also, it's interesting because my mom was a singer that not all my friends were that aware of at the time.

[1217] Everybody that knows who I am now knows that's my mom.

[1218] But growing up, I didn't feel like she was a household name.

[1219] I felt like she was special.

[1220] Yeah, yeah.

[1221] We didn't have MTV yet, and she was never on it.

[1222] She was also insanely young when she died.

[1223] She was 31 when she died.

[1224] Think about that.

[1225] Isn't that wild?

[1226] It's fucking nuts.

[1227] 20 years younger.

[1228] 20 years longer.

[1229] Wow.

[1230] I'll never get over how young she was.

[1231] I was talking about it with my 10 -year -old daughter yesterday because my mom died of cancer.

[1232] Growing up with the knowledge of cancer, it was just a death sentence for people.

[1233] And now we have so many people that we know that are getting through it, I never would have imagined a world where, yeah, you could survive.

[1234] Totally.

[1235] When you heard someone's parent had cancer, you were hearing they were dead.

[1236] They're dead.

[1237] That's right.

[1238] That knowledge of people know my mom was a singer, but they don't really know who my mom was.

[1239] Or they're like, oh, I love that song.

[1240] And then they're like sing an Aretha Franklin song.

[1241] And I was like, wait, what?

[1242] R -E -S -P -E -C -T -T, McFillian, McFillian, McFillia cheese.

[1243] It was this very confusing.

[1244] And then my last name is Rudolph and not Ripperton.

[1245] So when I started doing a snow, people didn't really know she was my mom.

[1246] And I figured it out later.

[1247] So, look, when you're a kid and your mom dies, you don't want people to know that.

[1248] Yeah.

[1249] But then people are like, oh, and she was a singer, right?

[1250] Right, this added element.

[1251] Let's talk about it.

[1252] You're like, no, dude.

[1253] I'm eight.

[1254] I don't want to talk about it.

[1255] Right.

[1256] If she hadn't been a singer, you probably would have had to talk about it far less.

[1257] For sure.

[1258] We interviewed Jason Ritter, and he told the story that's really heartbreaking, and America felt a certain way about John Ritter.

[1259] It's not just that people knew who he was.

[1260] We all loved John Ritter.

[1261] He was ours.

[1262] Yes.

[1263] And so he's talking about being at a bar, and also this girl, like, leans over the thing.

[1264] And she's like, I loved your dad.

[1265] And then she turns out, Cosmos for everyone.

[1266] In the same brother, he's like, oh, my God, how am I supposed to react to what just happened?

[1267] Oh, boy.

[1268] My second theory.

[1269] I love all your theories.

[1270] This is fun.

[1271] Yeah, it's so kind of entitled.

[1272] There's something about it that is obnoxious, but nevertheless.

[1273] Some part of you thinks you were supposed to be a singer.

[1274] And so all of the other stuff was great.

[1275] That's a good point.

[1276] But some voice in your head was like, I'm eventually supposed to step up to the plate and do that.

[1277] I will probably never do it professionally or for real, I should say, because I have a band.

[1278] Princess.

[1279] Yeah, but it's fun.

[1280] fun.

[1281] There's no me in there.

[1282] There's a little protective layer.

[1283] There is a large protective layer, which is usually called comedy.

[1284] I also referred to as comedy.

[1285] And I don't sound like my mom when I sing.

[1286] So I'm good.

[1287] Meaning you don't sing as good as her.

[1288] So why would you do it?

[1289] Yes, I think in my mind, my whole life.

[1290] Like, Maya, this is another thing.

[1291] So fuck.

[1292] Let me be clear.

[1293] I think there's an expectation.

[1294] My mother had a five octave range.

[1295] I'm a singer in my heart and soul.

[1296] I'm actually more of a harmonizer.

[1297] I love a harmony, but that requires other voices.

[1298] But you're not going to see me solo Aerosmith -style rocking the mic.

[1299] This is a little bit like, boys, I'm sorry.

[1300] Because here's what the rest of us were thinking.

[1301] We'd watch these SNL sketches.

[1302] It's so funny.

[1303] You're so funny.

[1304] And then you have this moment where you're like, this isn't funny at all.

[1305] This is outrageously great singing.

[1306] Kristen thinks you're a dynamite.

[1307] Anyone who sings thinks you're a dynamite singer.

[1308] Well, I'm shocked that Kristen does because she's a singer, but that's also because I think she loves me and I love her.

[1309] I don't think so.

[1310] But I think this is boys.

[1311] This is boys.

[1312] You're right.

[1313] Well, maybe as a parent to children of people who are creative, you will appreciate this.

[1314] It's something that I do to myself.

[1315] I've seen it in my children sometimes where they'll start something and I can see the gears turning of like, if this isn't great, I'm not going to do it.

[1316] So that's me with real music.

[1317] And I say real music, meaning pouring my heart and soul and burying my voice, being really vulnerable about it.

[1318] Yeah, so there's two things I've never done that I know I could try if I wanted to and I refuse to.

[1319] And one is that kind of music where I'm bearing my fucking soul.

[1320] You let it rip, like Shnato Conner.

[1321] Like Shnato Conner.

[1322] And you go, here's the inside of my body.

[1323] Yeah, now I sing that in the car.

[1324] But no one will ever be in there.

[1325] No one will ever be in there.

[1326] I mean in your trunk one day.

[1327] Should have right.

[1328] And then the second one is stand -up comedy.

[1329] Because to me, stand -up comedy is very, naked.

[1330] Oh, yeah.

[1331] And I have never done it.

[1332] Do you berate yourself or not having done it?

[1333] No, I recognize why, and I understand and I'm proud of myself for that self -care of, oh, you don't feel comfortable doing that.

[1334] You feel comfortable doing this and you follow that.

[1335] Good for you.

[1336] I'm proud of you that you've figured that one out.

[1337] Oh, that's good.

[1338] But I am more comfortable with the idea of being naked in that comedy way more than I used to be.

[1339] I have no aspirations to become a stand -up, but I do think it would be kind of fun to try it.

[1340] You just did some shows with Tina and Amy, right?

[1341] Did something happen there where you were like, oh, right?

[1342] No stand -up, but I did get to watch their stand -up, which, again, I think we're all at a place in our lives where we know ourselves a lot better.

[1343] And I fully enjoyed watching that.

[1344] Knowing my friends in that way and watching their versions of what that was was absolutely fascinating.

[1345] In college, you want to be a comedian, and I would write stand -up.

[1346] And I was like, there's no fucking way.

[1347] I'm going to say any of this.

[1348] publicly ever.

[1349] And I don't know if it's now being so comfortable on a stage.

[1350] Not that I'm Mr. Cool every time I'm on stage.

[1351] Of course I get nervous, but there's a different experience.

[1352] A lot of validation.

[1353] A lot of experience.

[1354] That thing of like if you've walked the room, then you're more comfortable if you've never done it.

[1355] I've done it.

[1356] So at a place like Largo, for example, it's a very comfortable stage.

[1357] I know the stage.

[1358] Well, I know what it looks like.

[1359] So it doesn't freak me out.

[1360] The sound of your voice, your actual voice in the microphone.

[1361] That doesn't freak me out anymore.

[1362] So I feel like it would be interesting.

[1363] Yeah.

[1364] More of like as a human fun experiment and also just for joy.

[1365] That's what I want to do.

[1366] I don't have any aspirations of going to do this, but if I'm on my death then, I'm like, wow, you really never did it.

[1367] I just felt like I would be very bummed at that.

[1368] I knew I wanted to and I was afraid.

[1369] You think that now the reason that you would be able to do it is just far more self -confidence.

[1370] Well, I did it for about a year and a half or two years and I loved it and then we had kids and then I never did it again.

[1371] And it went pretty well.

[1372] It went better than I was expecting.

[1373] And then what I have is a really arrogant thing, which is I watch someone else's stand up and I'm so blown away by it.

[1374] That you think you can do it.

[1375] And I feel like, not that I can do what they can do, but I go, I do have a point of view I haven't figured out how to share comedically.

[1376] I have something about vulnerability and trauma and all these different things in addiction that I'm not seeing someone do that.

[1377] I feel like at least the ingredients are in there.

[1378] I should challenge myself to try to do that.

[1379] So it's more driven by that.

[1380] Okay, this loosey -goosey relationship with the business in a way you've won hugely because of it.

[1381] I was watching an interview with you and Amy today.

[1382] What time did you get up today?

[1383] I got up with Letterman at 2 a .m. You guys were sharing about you had been there just before she got there and there was this very specific scene where you guys started actually having fun where it had transcended the nerves of doing the show and the getting the thing right and something happened between the two of you and it was the first moment for both of you where you were like, oh, you can have a very good time while doing this.

[1384] And then once that happened, that just gave rise to however many things you guys did together.

[1385] And you would write an effort to get to that point where you two were having fun on stage.

[1386] Not that that wouldn't have all happened, but if you're crazy, ambitious and competitive in your strangleholding this, I think you're being more threatening to a lot of people.

[1387] Sure.

[1388] I think you've had tremendous friendships.

[1389] I'm sorry, I'm going to go backwards.

[1390] Here's the analogy I've made.

[1391] Kobe Bryant won more championships than Shaq.

[1392] Which one?

[1393] Am I Kobe or Shaq?

[1394] Shaq?

[1395] Are my Kobe?

[1396] And your Shaq?

[1397] I'm neither.

[1398] I just want to be one of them.

[1399] You're Shaq.

[1400] So listen, Shaq only won three rings.

[1401] But Shaq is best friends with everyone he's ever played with.

[1402] When there's a doc on him, people can't wait to go talk about them.

[1403] And when you think of the big win in life, I've just always been like, I'm aspiring to be Shaq.

[1404] You bring up something that's interesting because I don't see myself that way, but Amy's really into, is it Enneagrams?

[1405] Is that how you say?

[1406] Oh, Enneagrams?

[1407] Yeah.

[1408] That's your number, right?

[1409] And by the way, still can't remember one.

[1410] I know so.

[1411] But she remembers mine.

[1412] She remembers mine.

[1413] She remembers mine.

[1414] She remembers hers.

[1415] She remembers all of ours.

[1416] She probably can guess people's before they take the test.

[1417] And she can guess people's before.

[1418] And one of the things that she reminds me of is that my number which for the life of me, I cannot remember.

[1419] I want to say it's seven.

[1420] And I bet it's eight or nine.

[1421] Textbook seven.

[1422] Can't remember her number.

[1423] And that's what she reminds me. But also that I like to have fun.

[1424] And I also have heard myself say when it comes to work, a lot of my work has been because of the groundlings and because of S &L, and that's a group -based comedy.

[1425] It's a comedy sport.

[1426] I know I'm going to get to play with my friends, which is exactly what we did.

[1427] And that, to me, is why I say yes to things.

[1428] And so I've heard myself say, oh, it's going to be so fun.

[1429] Now, I can be a moody bastard.

[1430] not somebody who seems like the ketamine therapy has worked all the time.

[1431] Like I definitely can be grumpy.

[1432] But I want to have fun when I'm making stuff specifically comedy, which is what I prefer to do.

[1433] And that to me has always been the MO.

[1434] So it's really interesting because I didn't really notice that in myself.

[1435] It was my friend saying, you always like to have fun.

[1436] I was like, you're right.

[1437] I like to have fun with my friends.

[1438] And I like to laugh super hard.

[1439] I feel funnier because they are making me laugh and I want to make them laugh.

[1440] So I feel funnier and I get funnier because I want to make someone who I adore and admire and who I think is so fucking funny laugh.

[1441] That's where it comes from.

[1442] I think the reward of it is like you've had all these wonderful little mini partnerships like Forte or with Amy or you and Armisen are just so delightful and clearly you have so much fun together.

[1443] And when I'm around him, I'm like, yeah, I just want to get this guy to giggle more than anything.

[1444] Oh, it's the best thing in the world.

[1445] Oh, yeah.

[1446] I just admire the way you've done this.

[1447] I've met you for 20 years.

[1448] I'll give you a great example.

[1449] Like, you did chips for me, which was such a huge, lovely thing to do.

[1450] And, oh, my God, do we have fun?

[1451] It's still my favorite scene in the movie.

[1452] It's so weird.

[1453] That was such a sweet rekindling of love.

[1454] It was.

[1455] I remember acting with you and just having so much fun and thinking, like, well, I just would like it of this scene just went on for another five hours.

[1456] Yes.

[1457] Stay tuned for more Farmchair Expert.

[1458] If you dare.

[1459] Did you do any group sports as a kid?

[1460] It wasn't great at sports.

[1461] So I did like a girls softball team.

[1462] I did a lot of roller skating, which is a solo sport.

[1463] Okay.

[1464] And I danced.

[1465] But I was a theater kid.

[1466] As soon as I could, I was in every musical.

[1467] Which is kind of a team sport.

[1468] It is a team sport.

[1469] And I think if you have an early experience of what it feels like to be on a team, I was just thinking about this the other day.

[1470] I was thinking about someone and I was like, man, they really would have benefited from being on a team sport because you understand the feeling of thriving together.

[1471] Having each other's back.

[1472] And how much better it feels.

[1473] Winning together instead of solo.

[1474] Yeah, it feels better.

[1475] And if I'm really thinking about what you're bringing up, there is something that I am avoiding.

[1476] I don't want that.

[1477] Everybody, can have your attention?

[1478] Please, look at me. The reason I brought up chips is I've also asked you be on the podcast like 11 times.

[1479] You have?

[1480] Yeah, yeah.

[1481] And you're like, yeah, I will.

[1482] I'll get to it.

[1483] Because that would be you doing the exact thing you're talking about.

[1484] Like you coming in and being just you.

[1485] Talking about yourself.

[1486] You're like, but if I invite you to play in a movie, you're there in one second.

[1487] I think that's kind of very indicative of you.

[1488] I'm a little bit of a shy guy.

[1489] I'm a little hider.

[1490] Yes.

[1491] Like the wolf spider.

[1492] I'm a wolf spider.

[1493] Oh, my God.

[1494] Oh, my God.

[1495] Wolf the spider.

[1496] Please call me wolf spider forever.

[1497] Oh, I will for sure.

[1498] Rudy the wolf spider.

[1499] Rudy the Wolf Spider.

[1500] I did Finding Your Roots, The Genealogy Show with Skip Gates.

[1501] We went back.

[1502] He said at the time it was the furthest he'd gone back in Jewish genealogy.

[1503] And my great, great, great, great, great grandfather was Wolf.

[1504] Wow.

[1505] Now, your grandfather in Florida owned all the Wendy's in Miami -Dade County.

[1506] Sid Rudolph, that's right.

[1507] Wow.

[1508] Did you get to go there and order whatever you wanted?

[1509] Did you have like a family car?

[1510] No, I fucking wanted one.

[1511] Did you, I loved Wendy's.

[1512] Me too, but we didn't have them in California when I was a kid.

[1513] It was a really big deal.

[1514] What age did you move here?

[1515] I grew up here, but my family was in Miami.

[1516] My dad grew up in Miami.

[1517] All the Rudolphs were in Florida.

[1518] Eating that good old free Wendy's.

[1519] Eating those Frosties and dipping their fries and their frosties.

[1520] And I never got to do it unless we'd visit my family because we were the only Rudolphs that lived in California.

[1521] And would you go with Grandpa to some of his Wendy's?

[1522] Probably, probably.

[1523] Like when Dave Thomas would visit?

[1524] I never met Dave.

[1525] Oh, shit, or Wendy.

[1526] Was he real?

[1527] Wendy.

[1528] We know she's not real.

[1529] She's not real.

[1530] Isn't she Dave Thomas' daughter?

[1531] I thought it was the coolest thing.

[1532] Yes.

[1533] And I learned something later in life that I didn't know.

[1534] My grandfather, we could do an entire show about him.

[1535] Incredibly fascinating man. My dad's father, Sid Rudolph.

[1536] He was always an incredible businessman.

[1537] And he and his brother, Lenny, before the Wendy's stuff, they created a thing called trip charge, which was a card that you could take with you on trips and charge.

[1538] money to and they sold it to diners club and it became the credit card no oh my god and he also owned all the rudies which ding ding ding they created rudolph yeah rudies was my uncle dug and my grandfather said those were their restaurants oh my wow have you heard of a rudies before yes yes i've been down south quite a bit wait a minute of course you have you're the guy that introduced me to old days okay great because that's on my list it's the last thing i want to talk about before we talk about loot.

[1539] We need to talk about Olga's.

[1540] We have to.

[1541] Because again, this is in keeping with how patient you were with me. You went to whatever we said, Boston Market.

[1542] I sure did.

[1543] You introduced me to Hooters as an eating establishment.

[1544] Yeah, good chicken sandwich.

[1545] That's what you said then.

[1546] I know.

[1547] It was the buffalo chicken sandwich, to be exact.

[1548] It is actually dynamite, unfortunately.

[1549] I wish they had like a drive -thru.

[1550] Unfortunately.

[1551] Well, I don't want to be in there.

[1552] I know there was no option.

[1553] You are reminding me that there was a joy for me in how much you loved it and how disinterested I was in ever eating there and yet I wanted to know.

[1554] And the fact that you loved it...

[1555] Well, you're a bit of an anthropologist.

[1556] You like to go see someone in their habitat.

[1557] I loved...

[1558] It was so fun to me that you wanted this that I had to experience it and I had to see your joy.

[1559] How happy I was.

[1560] You were so happy.

[1561] And I remember it and I remember really liking it.

[1562] It's a really good chicken sandwich.

[1563] I haven't been back.

[1564] Yeah.

[1565] But what happens is those gales are flirty with you.

[1566] I don't feel like they were flirty with us at all.

[1567] Well, my first thing is like, you don't have to do any of it.

[1568] I feel bad about this part of it.

[1569] Sure.

[1570] Did you look down at the menu?

[1571] Oh, God.

[1572] My memory, again, is horrible, but I do remember it not being a terribly flirty experience.

[1573] I remember it being very normal and I was like, oh, it's because I'm here.

[1574] Oh, like normally this would be going off.

[1575] Yeah, like they have a code that they are like, hey there.

[1576] Hey, cowboy.

[1577] What are we going to have today, Silor?

[1578] I felt like, oh, he with a girl, we're good.

[1579] I don't have to put that voice on.

[1580] Okay, so while we were there, I was telling you about my very favorite Greek restaurant.

[1581] We were getting to know each other and telling each other our entire life stories and one of them was your favorite restaurant.

[1582] In Michigan is this place.

[1583] Olga's, and they're all over in Michigan.

[1584] Huge chain.

[1585] I missed the chain part when you told me about it.

[1586] And by the way, me even knowing that they were all over the place didn't mean it was a chain to me somehow.

[1587] I don't know that makes no sense.

[1588] But then we got home from the trip And fucking by George, I discovered there was a singular Olga's in California and it was in Thousand Oaks, which was not far from where you lived.

[1589] And Bree and I had gone.

[1590] And I called you.

[1591] I'm like, you're not going to believe this.

[1592] Like, you guys are only 20 minutes from an Olga's.

[1593] Okay, take over.

[1594] So I said to Paul, we have to go to.

[1595] We have to go to Olga's.

[1596] Dax says this is his favorite Greek restaurant.

[1597] Oh, no. I feel like there was a specific dish that you kept mentioning.

[1598] You need the original all go with triple cheese and the cheese snackers and then the bottomless salad.

[1599] Oh.

[1600] So I said...

[1601] And the whole thing's $9.

[1602] We have to go.

[1603] And I'm thinking there's this magical Greek...

[1604] Culinary Masterpiece.

[1605] Tiny hole in the wall.

[1606] Can you believe it's in California?

[1607] We're about to have...

[1608] The most authentic.

[1609] The most authentic Greek culinary experience of our entire life.

[1610] I'm sweating.

[1611] So we get in the car and we fucking barrel it out to Thousand Oaks.

[1612] And I'm so excited.

[1613] This is reminding me how much I love this guy.

[1614] It's like my buddy and I'm telling you, I don't even know we're we texting yet in those days.

[1615] It was early texting with like one button.

[1616] Yeah, yeah.

[1617] And I'm thrilled.

[1618] Oh, it's so much worse that you went with Paul and not together.

[1619] Oh, we were not together.

[1620] I went with Paul and I was like, you're not to believe this.

[1621] Yeah.

[1622] This is incredible.

[1623] And by the way, at this point, when we're single -digit texting, I'm like, I can't wait for this review.

[1624] They're going to thank me. The amount of things I'm about to get.

[1625] So we go, we find it.

[1626] I was like, oh, wait, shit, I see it from the freeway.

[1627] And I was like, get off here.

[1628] Oh, my God, we're here.

[1629] It's in a whole end up.

[1630] Total strip mall.

[1631] I was very surprised at what I discovered.

[1632] It looked like very straightforward.

[1633] Not at all a mom -and -pop shop.

[1634] No, no. Robots could have been making everything.

[1635] It's a robot.

[1636] Warmakers.

[1637] That's right.

[1638] I've also been.

[1639] Oh, so you know.

[1640] In Michigan.

[1641] It's a little closer to the source.

[1642] Yeah, that's it.

[1643] That's it.

[1644] Did you like it?

[1645] I did, but I knew what I was wanting to.

[1646] I knew how to sell it at this point.

[1647] Yeah, you learned your lesson.

[1648] Because of this experience.

[1649] Yeah, so I was expecting, like, the finest hummus that I've ever.

[1650] Probably flaming cheese.

[1651] Flaming cheese.

[1652] Absolutely.

[1653] Pita bread just melting in my mouth.

[1654] Yeah, I have dishes of la daemonia everywhere.

[1655] So we sit down at a booth.

[1656] among the other commoners.

[1657] And you're directly across from the cowboy doors that go into the kitchen.

[1658] That's right.

[1659] So to my right are these cowboy doors.

[1660] Saloon doors.

[1661] Which I will never forget.

[1662] An important component to the story.

[1663] So sitting there, I'm like, all right, Dex says, we got to get these poppers and these bottomless salad.

[1664] And these things are supposed to be really good.

[1665] And I'm kind of like looking around.

[1666] Like, I feel like we're out of McDonald's.

[1667] But I'm not going to say that.

[1668] You got to trust what you taste.

[1669] Are you also feeling codependent for Paul?

[1670] I brought him here.

[1671] Yes.

[1672] That's right.

[1673] You are also mentioning the underlying factor of, I have fucking vouched for this.

[1674] And it's going to be fucking great.

[1675] We've driven to Thousand Oaks.

[1676] You're halfway to Santa Barbara.

[1677] That's right.

[1678] For this food.

[1679] So we're still in it.

[1680] And he's gotten to know you and loves you.

[1681] And he's like, my man, because this is great.

[1682] So we finally have somebody to come over to our table.

[1683] They took our order at our table.

[1684] We did not order to counter.

[1685] Right.

[1686] We ordered and I said, we'll have this.

[1687] this and I'm thinking like maybe we'll get that first and they write everything down they leave our table and they walk to the saloon doors where they exit and then the saloon doors fly back open they didn't stop swinging and all of our food was ready and they brought it to the table and we kind of looked at each other like the fuck is going on it's like a twilight zone or something.

[1688] Wait, it gets so much better.

[1689] Oh, no. So we're sort of like, oh, oh, that really was really fast.

[1690] All right.

[1691] That's the Olga's secret is what my brain is telling me. That's the Olga's secret.

[1692] That's the old Olga's one, two, three.

[1693] I'm sure Grandma Olga's back there right now.

[1694] She had your booth mic.

[1695] So, like, she was whipping it up before it even got back to the kitchen.

[1696] So, or Spanacopin, it was hot, all of it.

[1697] The salad was hot.

[1698] The salad was hot.

[1699] So we dig in, and I'm kind of looking at Paul, like, Oh, no. What am I missing here?

[1700] Is somebody fucking with us?

[1701] And then I look at him, and he looks at me, and he goes, are we dead?

[1702] I will never forget.

[1703] For the rest of my life.

[1704] What a review.

[1705] I've never heard a funnier thing said.

[1706] Are we dead?

[1707] Are we dead?

[1708] Like, yeah, maybe you died on the drive up there.

[1709] Oh my God, that's incredible.

[1710] It was worth the price of admission.

[1711] Oh, that is so funny.

[1712] It's so funny, too.

[1713] Talk about stories and stuff.

[1714] Like, when you gave me your review of the experience, it's like I had a bag over my head, and all of a sudden I saw the reality of life.

[1715] And I was like, oh, you're right.

[1716] There are a million of them, and it is fast food.

[1717] And shit, I sent them all the way up there.

[1718] Oh, my God.

[1719] But guess what?

[1720] Like, I went.

[1721] Because of how much you loved it, and that made me so happy.

[1722] Are we dead?

[1723] Till the day I die, the most classic line ever delivered by a human being, are we dead?

[1724] That is.

[1725] Oh, man. I mean, wow.

[1726] I wonder how much of the food you even ate.

[1727] I don't remember.

[1728] I don't even remember what anything tasted like.

[1729] I just remember having an almost out -a -body experience, like, what's happening?

[1730] Yes.

[1731] What's going on?

[1732] The Zaget Review would have said, like, this Greek air.

[1733] airplane food This is Greek Denny's Oh God I probably would have thought I was being punked I think we probably said that over and over Are we being punked?

[1734] Oh it's great If I say Dax Paul usually just says Olga I mean the fact that you remember the name of it because it was 20 years ago I will never stop remember And sadly it closed them very shortly after that Because I was going up there.

[1735] I think it was after that public review.

[1736] Are we dead?

[1737] Really was the nail in the coffin.

[1738] Come in for the poppers.

[1739] Stay because you're dead.

[1740] August.

[1741] The other element of this that was such a joy was you really enjoyed our review.

[1742] I love being embarrassed.

[1743] You do?

[1744] I do.

[1745] I understand only some men didn't like Barbie.

[1746] I love Barbie so much and I've watched it four times because I love when I recognize oh my God, I've done that.

[1747] Oh, my God, I've explained the godfather to a woman.

[1748] You saw it, I presume?

[1749] Of course.

[1750] Yeah, so we're driving home, and it's the two little girls and Kristen and I'm driving.

[1751] And from the back seat, Lincoln goes, Mom, has dad ever played his guitar at you?

[1752] And Kristen goes, oh, yeah.

[1753] And I just started fucking cackling with embarrassment.

[1754] Oh, it's wonderful.

[1755] Yeah, I love, like, when I'm so stupid sometimes, it just really gets me. I know that you enjoy it and it's reciprocal.

[1756] You know I love you and therefore I'm laughing.

[1757] You aren't mad.

[1758] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[1759] But also, I enjoy the delight that you get from that.

[1760] Well, that makes me feel good.

[1761] The reason the whole thing can be good is because you are the type of people that I like to think I am too, which is like, if something's going wrong, my kind of first reaction is like, oh, good, I'll have a story.

[1762] All in all, that trip's not a bummer for you guys.

[1763] It's this very funny moment in your life where Paul said the funniest thing that's ever been said about a meal.

[1764] and then ultimately everyone's delighted it all happened.

[1765] So there is some level, if you would have called me, like, what the fuck was that?

[1766] Paul's never going to trust me again.

[1767] I probably wouldn't have been able to laugh at myself.

[1768] Oh, I would have been like pit in my stomach.

[1769] Yes.

[1770] So the fact that you guys had a pretty good natured reaction, I felt like I was an eight -year -old who told you my favorite restaurant.

[1771] And that's basically what it was.

[1772] But also, like, not everybody has that sense of humor about themselves that you can all talk about something.

[1773] So you refrain.

[1774] So that's the joy.

[1775] Why do I have a memory of us meeting there and going to, second time.

[1776] I feel like me, you, Brie, Paul.

[1777] I bet you dreamt it.

[1778] You think so.

[1779] There's no way you guys would have gone back, did you?

[1780] Because I almost feel like it was so funny.

[1781] Maybe, I know that I had dinner with you and Paul and Brie one time.

[1782] I guess I thought it was there.

[1783] Check with Paul.

[1784] You know what?

[1785] He would remember.

[1786] We went somewhere.

[1787] You know, and the other thing I would do, too, is like, I was just such a Philistine and a simpleton.

[1788] I had to have my birthday at Bucco de Beppo in the Pope room.

[1789] And I had like made famous friends at this point.

[1790] I didn't even understand that they thought it was pretty crazy.

[1791] My birthday was in the strip.

[1792] mall.

[1793] I've still never been there.

[1794] You got to go.

[1795] It's so fun.

[1796] It's so fun.

[1797] Maybe we should have a big family with our kids and shit there.

[1798] There you go.

[1799] That's like the perfect place.

[1800] And there's one kind of between us.

[1801] So earmark this.

[1802] Good call.

[1803] Okay, loot.

[1804] I watch three episodes today.

[1805] You don't have to do this.

[1806] No, no, I'm going to do this.

[1807] Because you know what?

[1808] Even if I wasn't going to do it for you, I want to do it for the person I entered the growlings with who to this day, there are two people having gone through the ground lanes, I said, there will be no justice on planet Earth if neither of these two people are recognized for how genius they are.

[1809] One of them was Melissa McCarthy, because I just had known her from the beginning, and she was working.

[1810] She had a house before any of us did, but I was like, this is not right.

[1811] Her as Suki was not the Melissa that we were on stage with.

[1812] That was a very different animal.

[1813] Who you, I imagine, would agree.

[1814] She's the funniest human I've ever seen on that stage.

[1815] Yeah, 150%.

[1816] In all the ways, sketch, improv, everything.

[1817] That was why she was what she was in bridesmaids.

[1818] And it was that moment of all of us going like, people are going to finally see it.

[1819] Yes.

[1820] She was every legendary comedian we had grown up with just sitting there waiting.

[1821] And the other person I have always felt that way about is Nat Faxon.

[1822] I just have loved Nat Faxon.

[1823] No one cracks me up like him.

[1824] I was just so delighted to see him on this show with you.

[1825] Much of joy.

[1826] People still don't know.

[1827] We've known each other for so long.

[1828] Like, I guess I was maybe 23, 24, 25, somewhere in that range when I met him, which means he was a child because he's a youngster.

[1829] Yeah, he's probably two years younger than me. Yeah.

[1830] You're younger than me, right?

[1831] By a year or two.

[1832] So that makes a difference when you're in your 20s.

[1833] And just the best.

[1834] When you're with an old friend like that, it's the same thing for us.

[1835] I know I'm going to laugh.

[1836] I know that person knows the old me. and I'm still that person for them and all of that just comes to life.

[1837] And people don't know that we've known each other for so long.

[1838] So there's this instant camaraderie and chemistry that comes alive that we can't even help.

[1839] We're just fucking around all the time.

[1840] And you get to be together on set all day long.

[1841] It's really nice.

[1842] This is the other thing you've managed to do is almost everything you've done has been with a friend.

[1843] I know it is by choice.

[1844] And it's probably part and parcel of not that hiding thing as much as I want to feel good.

[1845] I want to feel safe.

[1846] I think I got better at it after I had Pearl, when I had my oldest daughter, I remember thinking how hard it was to be working away from home when I had a baby at home and how painful that was if you're doing something that doesn't feel good.

[1847] And so I remember teaching myself when you go out in the world, make sure you're happy with what you're doing because you would rather be at home with her.

[1848] It has to be worth it.

[1849] And that's not to say that it's that easy to always accomplish, but it's certainly the goal.

[1850] And if you can do that makes a world of difference.

[1851] Plus, we have the luxury of knowing so many fucking funny people.

[1852] That's the thing about the group sport of it is we got so lucky.

[1853] It's almost impossible.

[1854] When I look at how many of us from that three -year time window there are all working.

[1855] And you might bump into each other all over the place.

[1856] It's one of the most special things in my life.

[1857] I agree with you.

[1858] And I've thought about this a lot because I'm no longer a cast member at SNL.

[1859] and when I go back, something I've noticed is we're now living in a time where everyone has a phone.

[1860] So when we interact, it's usually not like this.

[1861] It's usually people have their phones out.

[1862] But when I worked at the show, we were all playing together all the time.

[1863] And same thing for Groundlings.

[1864] All we did was look each other in the eye and play all the time.

[1865] I know.

[1866] Fuck, I mean, that is the crazy gift.

[1867] I had all these fantasies and this was going to feel like that and success and the money and blah, blah, blah.

[1868] No, the hack of all hacks is that I spent the majority of my time as an adult working playing.

[1869] Can't even dress it up.

[1870] Like just horsing around in school still.

[1871] Yep.

[1872] My friend Jenna, who's still stage manager at S &L, is the one who used the term and I can't unsee it.

[1873] She said, you guys used to play together.

[1874] What a gift.

[1875] But also, Lute is hysterical.

[1876] I didn't realize Alan Yang and Matt Hubbard had created it.

[1877] Alan Yank did a ton of Master of Nun, which I loved.

[1878] And he also was on Parks and Rack.

[1879] Oh, and I'd be remiss not to just say, my daughters are so obsessed with you now from Good Place because they've now binged that.

[1880] Wow.

[1881] They can't believe we know the judge.

[1882] It's really funny.

[1883] The people that they get it like, wait, you really know her?

[1884] It's like, yeah, you know that we know all these other people.

[1885] Don't you love that?

[1886] I do.

[1887] Wait, you know him?

[1888] Or you'll remind your kids like, yeah, you went swimming in their pool.

[1889] Wait, I know him?

[1890] Yes, yes.

[1891] Yes, yes.

[1892] But you worked with them on forever as well with Armisen, yeah.

[1893] Which is why I said yes to this, because I implicitly trusted them.

[1894] That was really fun.

[1895] Yeah, and it's so, so funny.

[1896] You were married to a guy who's the richest guy in the world or was, and you got divorced, and there's no pre -nup, and you get $87 billion.

[1897] And you just get to play pretty much an asshole.

[1898] Is it not the funnest thing to play?

[1899] It's the funnest thing.

[1900] But just like everything I do, I get nervous to be too much of an asshole, because then you're going to fucking hate me. so I try to infuse it with some human qualities that I can understand because I was just having this conversation with a friend earlier today there are certain things you do to people if you're really mad at somebody for example like I'm mad at you so that's your trash and it needs to be thrown away but I'm not going to throw it away because it's your trash I couldn't live with myself it's going to get fucking thrown out so if you're not going to do it I'm going to do it right I couldn't sleep at night it's that kind of shit where I just feel like there's a part of me that I'm always seeking that little bit of the good parts in people.

[1901] Now, if you're an arch asshole, that's the best.

[1902] That's the pudding, cherry on top, best dessert in the world kind of comedy.

[1903] Disenchanted.

[1904] Correct.

[1905] Yeah, I played that guy one time in a comedy, and I've never had more fun in my life.

[1906] You go like, what am I not allowed to say?

[1907] Oh, that's what I say.

[1908] And that's the thing that, like, let's be honest, back to me and Monica's shit.

[1909] I wanted people to like me. So I never wanted to be the asshole.

[1910] And a lot of times, and I've even had this conversation with Lorne at S &L, I said, like, I just want to play the wife sometimes.

[1911] Like, I just want to be the girlfriend.

[1912] But instead, I'm the crazy am.

[1913] Yeah, I got one way.

[1914] Yes.

[1915] I got a one eyeball.

[1916] But I realized later, after my frustration, that those are the juicier things.

[1917] Yeah.

[1918] But no cute girl wants to do that.

[1919] You don't want to be pretty.

[1920] Yeah, we all want to be everything, actually.

[1921] We all want to be everything.

[1922] And if I were just the pretty girl, boy, I sure would.

[1923] love a wooden leg sometimes.

[1924] And a wooden eye to go with it.

[1925] But I still can't get over the fact that I don't know the signs of guys hitting on me. That's going to haunt me tonight when I try to fall asleep.

[1926] Well, good.

[1927] That's what we do here.

[1928] I mean, honestly, I've thought about it so much there's so many relationships I never had because I was too busy being like faithful.

[1929] Yeah.

[1930] Do you have any regrets?

[1931] Yeah.

[1932] I mean, I wish I'd slept around, but I didn't.

[1933] Doesn't it sound like that can be fun to look back upon?

[1934] I was a hardcore addict.

[1935] I like all that.

[1936] There's not any part of it that I'm not delighted I did.

[1937] I'm so curious as a person, it would eat me up.

[1938] That's not a virtue.

[1939] That's just how I'm built.

[1940] But I like that about you.

[1941] I like that you're aware of that part of yourself and very open to it.

[1942] I really am here one time.

[1943] I really want to try every flavor.

[1944] I wish I'd had that.

[1945] I went through life so scared of death that I was so careful for the majority of my life.

[1946] And I definitely see myself very slowly getting out there and trying to.

[1947] trying things on that I might not normally do.

[1948] But boy, as a kid, as an adolescent, way too scared.

[1949] You and Paul should do some weird MDMA experience at some weird hotel.

[1950] Like ayahuasca nights.

[1951] That's not as, I don't think, fun.

[1952] I think you shit.

[1953] I don't know.

[1954] I don't either.

[1955] I just know there's a lot of puking and shitting.

[1956] I want something a little sexier.

[1957] I heard that.

[1958] We stayed at a house once, one summer, and I heard something that can only be described as someone gutting a deer in the middle of the night.

[1959] And I was like, what's this fucking sound?

[1960] And I heard like, Oh, the one's finding himself.

[1961] Oh, yeah.

[1962] Oh, yeah.

[1963] It was like two in the morning.

[1964] And we were out by the beach.

[1965] It was just like pitch black.

[1966] And I was like, the fuck is happening?

[1967] What fucking ritual is happening next door?

[1968] And then we found out later that the guy next door ran ayahuasca workshops.

[1969] A bunch of people found themselves the night before.

[1970] But what a hellscape to wake up to.

[1971] Yeah, ooh.

[1972] Okay, last thing about Lou, the hot one's bit is so funny.

[1973] Have you ever done the show in real life?

[1974] No, and I told Sean, first of all, that guy is a fucking prince.

[1975] He is a delight.

[1976] And he's one of the best interviewers in the world.

[1977] Incredible.

[1978] Yes.

[1979] And what a dream boat.

[1980] But I will tell you, I would not do well on that show.

[1981] And I told him, I'm really sorry.

[1982] I would love to do your show, but I don't think I would be able to.

[1983] Like I said, is there a way to maybe eat one or two?

[1984] not only my I think it was Scarlett Johansons might have been one of the first ones that I saw and I saw her start to have a panic attack and I thought that's not gonna be good but it's such a good television it's wonderful television I remember I think she was holding his hand and said like are you here are you here with me and I thought are we dead?

[1985] Are we dead?

[1986] Yeah you could have like an ayahuasca experience I like when people get so bad that like I saw one And clicking their fingers and pulling on their earlobes.

[1987] And I'm like, oh, this is incredible.

[1988] I've also heard that two to three days post the taping, you shit yourself, silly.

[1989] But Sean said that he gets regular checkups and he's fine.

[1990] Oh, he's probably stronger than the rest of us.

[1991] I did it.

[1992] Did you do the whole thing?

[1993] I asked for an 11th wing.

[1994] Of course you did.

[1995] I'm in their hot hall of fame.

[1996] But then Kristen went on and did the same thing and kind of showed me up.

[1997] Then we got really cocky about what we could eat.

[1998] And then we ate this hot chocolate with Carolina Reaper in it for charity and we were not as good as we thought.

[1999] And it was hysteria.

[2000] I was burping on control.

[2001] Like, you're supposed to take a bite?

[2002] We're like, yeah, we already did hot ones.

[2003] We'll fucking eat this whole thing and we're filming it.

[2004] I'm pretty quickly.

[2005] I started having all these crazy burbs and I'm drinking milk.

[2006] Then I was rocking.

[2007] And then I was like, it's not good.

[2008] Like, I'm trying to call it off.

[2009] Like, it's over, it's over.

[2010] And then.

[2011] Nope, no, you would never.

[2012] Because here's my question.

[2013] What's the goal?

[2014] Women in your childhood, mine is, if I appear to be indomitable, no one will try to victimize me. So any display of indomitability, I run towards.

[2015] And it's just childhood terrible.

[2016] But that's who I am now.

[2017] That's how it started.

[2018] Well, I like that you wear that on your sleeve because that is what I think of you.

[2019] I think you are indomitable.

[2020] Thank you.

[2021] I'm trying so hard to convince you of that.

[2022] Honestly, I've always thought that.

[2023] I do think there's a fun trust in knowing that's how I feel about my friend in that way.

[2024] Like, give it to Dax.

[2025] He'll eat it.

[2026] thing is fun.

[2027] Sure, we can have fun with that.

[2028] I really like that.

[2029] And we have had fun with that as my friends.

[2030] Exactly.

[2031] That'll make you feel safe.

[2032] I like that quite a bit.

[2033] You look if a bear shows up, you're at least going to have some time to run.

[2034] That's kind of nice.

[2035] You'll handle it, right?

[2036] It'll kill me, but I will run at it.

[2037] Of course.

[2038] Yes, yes.

[2039] But I also know that I won't be able to handle it, and therefore my buddy will.

[2040] Yeah.

[2041] And I like that quite a bit.

[2042] Not only will I do it, I secretly kind of pray for that kind of situation.

[2043] Have you been close?

[2044] Oh, sure.

[2045] taken on a couple dudes at the CVS that were harassing Kristen.

[2046] Speaking of bears.

[2047] Well, Rudy, Maya, I love you.

[2048] I'm so glad you came and did this.

[2049] I know.

[2050] And I feel like I forgot that you would ask me 11 times because I realize now, like, yeah, I was probably terrified to talk about myself.

[2051] And now I'm like, fuck it.

[2052] You only go around one.

[2053] That's right.

[2054] Now you've taken on my motto.

[2055] But now I'm just better at being okay with that stuff.

[2056] I'll have a car ride home of like, oh, when I said my butthole was tight, you know, whatever the thing is.

[2057] I'm like, why did I say that?

[2058] But in general, I think it took me a long time to get comfortable with it.

[2059] But also, it's you.

[2060] That's why I'm here.

[2061] Oh, I just was so excited.

[2062] You finally said yes.

[2063] I love that it makes it sound like I'm in high demand.

[2064] I'm not.

[2065] I think you asked once, like, would you ever do it?

[2066] And I was like, I don't know.

[2067] I think we asked a few times.

[2068] I really do.

[2069] Yeah, you're so busy too.

[2070] But I don't mind at all because, look, like, Polar and I. are really good friends.

[2071] And she actually loves the show.

[2072] I'm always so flat.

[2073] She listens.

[2074] She loves to hear about people's minds and how they think.

[2075] We have a similar disposition.

[2076] And so I said to her like, hey, I would love for you to do it.

[2077] And she's like, Babers, I just respect the show too much to not come on and do what you're supposed to do.

[2078] And I don't really want to do it.

[2079] I'm like, great.

[2080] I knew I was like, oh, he knows that I'll do it if I feel comfortable.

[2081] But I kind of woke up and I was like, oh, I've been feeling comfortable.

[2082] Let's go.

[2083] Oh, good, good, good.

[2084] Don't you think, though, you have kids, you get older.

[2085] A lot of the stuff that I look back on, Let's even say when I would bring up Paul, I know that whole thing.

[2086] When I was with Kristen and people were following us at the beginning, I was so protective of all that.

[2087] I didn't talk about it at all.

[2088] Yeah, and I didn't want anyone to take a picture.

[2089] And then when we had kids, there's another round of it.

[2090] Like, the comfort level I have with it now, when I look back, I can't even find purchase in that feeling anymore.

[2091] I'm like, I know that's how I was, but I can't even relate to that kind of panic about it.

[2092] It's true.

[2093] And I didn't come here to say, hey, everybody, get kids.

[2094] That's not the statement.

[2095] But for me, I'm experiencing life the way I'm experiencing it now because there was a part of that story that I was telling myself about being the victim for the majority of my life that I needed to move forward.

[2096] Because, right, you get aware, I refuse to pass this on.

[2097] Absolutely.

[2098] Yes.

[2099] And it's so much easier when that person is small and beautiful and cute and smells good.

[2100] And you just think they're the greatest wonder of the world.

[2101] why we don't think about ourselves that way I will forever find fascinating for the rest of my life and also seeing my dad with my kids I see myself because I see him seeing me and my kids and I love that exchange too that's just been such a beautiful life experience I know more than you I'm guilty of like they're the greatest experience times 100 and I've had some fucking epic experiences and yeah they kind of cared most of my existential crises.

[2102] Now I know what it's like to have a singular priority, and then everything else is gravy.

[2103] I like gravy.

[2104] Yeah, gravy's delicious.

[2105] Well, you know where they got really good gravy?

[2106] Boston Market.

[2107] Oh, they smother that meat.

[2108] Oh, my gravy.

[2109] It's so good.

[2110] You didn't change your voice for the movie.

[2111] It's still that one.

[2112] No, I went in there and I said, this is a stupid and I said, me too.

[2113] Let's get out of here.

[2114] I told you this when we were making movies.

[2115] There was a guy on my hall, my freshman year in college, that talked like that.

[2116] Yeah, well, I knew a kid in high.

[2117] school who talked like that's where i got it like his tongue was glued to the bottom of his mouth talk like death yeah monica has to interact with frito sometimes and she hates his way onto the show quite a lot because i always want to talk to her about her apartment what's happening oh frito likes to take a he's a predator he's a predator he's in a lazy boy but then you find out sometimes he's never really been with anyone and you kind of get a little bit oh i got in your pants what's that like All right, I love you so much.

[2118] That was great.

[2119] So great.

[2120] Everyone watch Lutes Season 2 comes out on April 3rd.

[2121] It's hysterical.

[2122] Of course, the two people behind it and all the actors are incredible.

[2123] Yes, we have good people.

[2124] But if you're a Nat, Fax and Stan, you're going to plot.

[2125] Apple Plus, watch it.

[2126] Wow.

[2127] Stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong.

[2128] Okay.

[2129] I've got numbers.

[2130] I've got numbers.

[2131] You know, I was a little bit late and you know why.

[2132] Cootty?

[2133] I'm sure you saw connections.

[2134] What happened?

[2135] Well, just I wanted to finish connections before we got on.

[2136] And I was on the commode, truth betold.

[2137] Of course.

[2138] I'm normally doing it also on the commode.

[2139] Yeah, it's a good place.

[2140] And we have stupidly all set out on this mission now to get purple first.

[2141] which is, it had to happen.

[2142] It's so arrogant.

[2143] Well, you have to elevate every game.

[2144] You know, if you're riding your bicycles around, eventually you've got to build a little ramp.

[2145] You know, you've got to keep upping it.

[2146] It's the human condition.

[2147] We have seen Wina now because we found an Instagram video of her speaking.

[2148] And I stand corrected.

[2149] It's not a middle -aged white gentleman.

[2150] No, it's as predicted, a nice Asian woman.

[2151] Now, I don't want to know about her.

[2152] Like, it's too much info.

[2153] It feels like voyeuristic or something.

[2154] I just don't want to know about her.

[2155] I want her to stay Oz.

[2156] Okay.

[2157] Yeah, because I'm wondering if you drill down really deep into it, what's happening.

[2158] What do you think this parallels?

[2159] Hmm, this is a good question.

[2160] Because it is a monica -ism.

[2161] This is very much a monica -ism.

[2162] You think?

[2163] Yeah, but I'm having a hard time remembering other comps of when you've been this way.

[2164] but you have very strong unlucky vibes or knock on wood.

[2165] It's not unlucky.

[2166] I think, okay, I think here's what it is.

[2167] She's become a character in our lives.

[2168] Robbie, Max, Callie, and you and I. And Robbie.

[2169] I said that's why I started at Robbie.

[2170] Oh, sorry.

[2171] It got, it's like cutting, it cuts off when we're, for some reason, when we do FaceTime, when we're doubling up on words.

[2172] It like cuts out.

[2173] Earmark that.

[2174] That's an interest.

[2175] I want to bring up the phone thing.

[2176] But okay.

[2177] Okay.

[2178] So she's become a character and I love her as a character.

[2179] I don't want to know too much about her because then she's real.

[2180] Okay.

[2181] And is that because you're enjoying calling her like a sexy bitch and a monster and...

[2182] You're not supposed to...

[2183] I don't call her a monster.

[2184] I don't call her monster.

[2185] When you're mad at her sometimes.

[2186] I call her...

[2187] Oh, Dax, that's for the chain only.

[2188] Okay, I'm new to chains, I'm sorry.

[2189] Yeah, you have a lot to learn about chains.

[2190] But I'm really trying to get to the bottom of this.

[2191] So I'm like, I'm throwing a lot of theories at the wall.

[2192] One of them I think might be is if she's more of a fictitious Oz character, you can complain about her and be mean to her and then celebrate her genius the next day.

[2193] And you'll have no real misgivings.

[2194] Yeah, she's made up.

[2195] She's not real.

[2196] It's kind of be AI in some ways.

[2197] Right.

[2198] And then you took the liberty of sending us a video of her real face, real voice.

[2199] Great here.

[2200] And there's a person named Joel in the mix now that we now know about.

[2201] And, you know, I just, it's too much.

[2202] Okay.

[2203] It's too much.

[2204] Also, her name is not even Wina.

[2205] It's Winnah or something like that.

[2206] Oh, boy.

[2207] Yeah.

[2208] Okay, so you're in a gorgeous hotel room in New York City.

[2209] I am.

[2210] And I'm in a gorgeous hotel room in Austin City.

[2211] You are.

[2212] And I am going to complain, but I'm no longer going to say the name of the place.

[2213] There was a couple days where I was so upset I was going to name this place, but I've thought better of it.

[2214] Okay.

[2215] But let's just say, Saturday, rode my motorcycle to the airport, couldn't have been easier.

[2216] No line to check in.

[2217] Burbank?

[2218] No, no, L -A -X.

[2219] But it was very dead in there.

[2220] And everything went so swimmingly.

[2221] I think I got to the airport in like 21 minutes on the motorcycle.

[2222] And then I was in there.

[2223] I was like, oh, this is really easy.

[2224] And then the flight was also very easy.

[2225] It was only two hours and ten minutes.

[2226] That's nothing.

[2227] You know.

[2228] Absolutely nothing.

[2229] Then I land and then I go step up to the rental car line of a company I've never rented with.

[2230] And as soon as I walk in, I'm like, oh, boy, that's.

[2231] a long line.

[2232] It's much, much longer than all the other companies.

[2233] Okay.

[2234] But also the other companies have pretty good lines as well, being fair.

[2235] I got in the line and I immediately text Peter because he was texting me and I said, I've just gotten in a line that looks like it's going to be two hours.

[2236] I was kind of joking.

[2237] The line was two hours and nine minutes.

[2238] No. Monica, it was one minute shorter than my flight to Austin.

[2239] Imagine getting off the plane And then sitting for the full length of the flight In this line And of course people are going bananas Right No one knows what to do Everyone's like do we should we leave it It's going nowhere right For 40 minutes I didn't even move up a foot Why?

[2240] What's going on?

[2241] I'll tell you exactly what's going on They did not have enough cars So it's like as soon as someone steps up They're just kind of stalling them long enough For some other car to come back to the airport And then to quickly wash it But people were pacing and, you know, it was really something.

[2242] An hour into it, I looked at not one of the rental car places had any customers whatsoever.

[2243] It was just this one still.

[2244] And then after two hours and nine minutes, I finally get up there.

[2245] And I was, I'd get myself in a good mood.

[2246] I was actually thinking, like, this is exactly what you need.

[2247] Your life's very easy.

[2248] You're very lucky.

[2249] Sometimes you've got to wait two hours.

[2250] Yeah, you need to be inconvenienced to bed.

[2251] Yeah.

[2252] I am very specific about the cars I want to drive, as you know.

[2253] So I had reserved a full -size pickup truck, Texas, Lone Star State.

[2254] Wow.

[2255] I'm talking to her, and she's going abnormally slow.

[2256] This is when I start piecing it together that they just don't have cars, right?

[2257] And then she says, oh, yeah, okay, they're looking to see if we have a truck.

[2258] And then I'm just at the counter for 15 minutes probably.

[2259] And now I start to get a little bonkers because you're just staring face -to -face with someone.

[2260] She was kind of doing busy work, like fake work.

[2261] She asked me a question once in a while.

[2262] And finally she goes, we do have a CT4, like this tiny little crossover Cadillac.

[2263] Okay.

[2264] We have that.

[2265] You could get on your way right now.

[2266] And I said, uh -huh.

[2267] And is that the only car you have?

[2268] She said, yeah, that's the only thing that's ready.

[2269] And so after two hours and nine minutes, I got into a tiny little crossover.

[2270] Okay.

[2271] And not the pickup truck I reserved.

[2272] Oh, my God.

[2273] And I just thought, well, okay.

[2274] That's the very last time I'll have a rent from those folks.

[2275] Then there's a second end of the story.

[2276] This is so bratty.

[2277] But I didn't even know there was rooms in this hotel that didn't have a balcony.

[2278] The reason I love this hotel is there's a balcony overlooking town lake.

[2279] That's why I go there.

[2280] So I get in my room and I just had this rental car thing and I'm like, oh, man, I'm in the one room without a balcony.

[2281] So then I call the front desk and I say, oh, I hate to be a brat, but I'm here for so long.

[2282] for a week.

[2283] I just wonder if there's any rooms with the balconies open.

[2284] And she's like, oh, yes, of course.

[2285] I'll send someone up with keys right now.

[2286] I'm like, great.

[2287] I repack all my stuff and then I just sit on the couch with nothing to do with my backpack on waiting for these keys to arrive.

[2288] And, you know, 15 minutes goes by, 20 minutes goes by.

[2289] I already was a brat and asked for the room.

[2290] Anyways, at 40 minutes, I call and I go, hey, just wanted to check in on those keys that we're supposed to come up.

[2291] Now it's another person, and she says, or were you calling because you wanted a room with a balcony?

[2292] And I said, yeah.

[2293] And she goes, oh, yeah, we don't have one tonight.

[2294] Oh.

[2295] And I go, oh, okay.

[2296] And then she goes, we might have one tomorrow.

[2297] And I go, okay, great.

[2298] And I'm like, okay, what's happening?

[2299] Yeah.

[2300] What happened?

[2301] The world was starting to conspire.

[2302] Also, additional thoughts being like, should I not do a track day on Monday?

[2303] Like, are these all signals, like, you're not supposed to be here.

[2304] We're going to make this as inconvenient as well.

[2305] And again, who fucking cares, balcony, no balcony?

[2306] Cadillac problems, as they would say.

[2307] Literally.

[2308] Ding, ding, ding, Cadillac problems.

[2309] It was the, it'll be up in five minutes and me just sitting on the edge of the bed because I want to go put on my swimsuit and go for a walk and then go for a swim.

[2310] So at any rate, from the time I landed to the time I was actually on my feet walking around.

[2311] We had a good four hours of delays.

[2312] But then Sunday came around.

[2313] Went to the race.

[2314] The race was so fun.

[2315] Good.

[2316] I got to present the trophy.

[2317] That's exciting.

[2318] I had never done that.

[2319] How'd you do it?

[2320] Okay, so as luck would have it, there's a new super exciting rider right now, Pedro Acosta, and he's a rookie.

[2321] He's 19.

[2322] He's only raced three races, and he's been on the podium and two of them.

[2323] He's insane.

[2324] He's so fast.

[2325] It's like a new Valentino Rossi.

[2326] So everyone in the sport's obsessed with them.

[2327] It's reinvigorating the sport.

[2328] It turns out I got.

[2329] got to give him his trophy.

[2330] Wow.

[2331] For second place.

[2332] Did you kiss him?

[2333] I bent a knee and held it up high like he were a knight.

[2334] Yeah.

[2335] And I bowed to him and held up his trophies.

[2336] I felt really good about it.

[2337] Okay, good.

[2338] Okay, so that's fun.

[2339] So you did that.

[2340] And then Monday I went and wrote on the track.

[2341] I'd never ridden on Circuit of Americas.

[2342] And it was so outrageously fun.

[2343] My Lord was it fun.

[2344] Huge track, like over three miles long, a lot to learn, wrote a bunch of different bikes, all in 120 minutes of riding, six sessions.

[2345] I was so gassed by the end of it.

[2346] And then yesterday I woke up, it was like, I don't know if I'm going to be able to walk today.

[2347] But then plowed through medicinal waters of Barton Springs, back on track.

[2348] Did you have any close calls on the motorcycle?

[2349] None.

[2350] Oh, good.

[2351] It was a very, very fun.

[2352] the track is so big that you're spread out a lot so yeah that's good i fought some codependency i was like i want to check in see if he's dead i just want to know yeah um but i need to monitor that for myself so i won't you know i was like i won't do it right then the next day you hadn't participated in connections and i was like oh my god so then i did have to text you and I did have to make sure that you were alive.

[2353] And you were.

[2354] Yeah, stronger for it.

[2355] I'm really mad that I had that one crash in 20 years because, of course, now everyone would be right to worry.

[2356] It's not that.

[2357] And it's not you.

[2358] Like, you know, I have this sense.

[2359] Also, I don't want to check in because I don't want him to feel like I think he's not capable or something.

[2360] Right.

[2361] It's not that.

[2362] It's just the reality of what you're doing is very dangerous.

[2363] Right.

[2364] So I'm going to be scared.

[2365] Yeah.

[2366] That's my type.

[2367] That's my sign.

[2368] That's my ineogram.

[2369] Ding, ding, ding to this episode.

[2370] It changes your eneagram?

[2371] It's day to day?

[2372] No, we just talk about it on this episode.

[2373] Oh, okay.

[2374] And it's one of my facts.

[2375] Okay, I don't think I'm going to be able to relay this sensation for you, but I want to tell you what the highlight was.

[2376] Okay.

[2377] There is at the back of the track, there's three right -hand.

[2378] turns it's very very long stretch and you're going through three different right hand turns and they had just resurfaced that like i guess a couple weeks ago for the race and so that entire turn which has got to be like a half mile or i don't know close to it you're all the way down and so your knee is sliding along this new asphalt for a long time and it felt so nice because it was new it was new it felt like dragging your knee and felt.

[2379] Oh.

[2380] And then I asked many of the other riders if they were having the same sensation and they were all, there was like an ASMR -y aspect to the texture of this asphalt when your knee was dragging on it.

[2381] That was so pleasing.

[2382] Like it was almost calling you to low slide and just let your whole body slide on it because it was so soft and weird feeling.

[2383] Kind of like hairplay?

[2384] Yes, yes.

[2385] Because normally when your knee drag, It's like the asphalt's pretty clumpy, and it's, it's not like baby skin.

[2386] You can feel the little bumps of the asphalt.

[2387] Sure.

[2388] This was like just this super soothing, consistent, felt like.

[2389] Lotion.

[2390] Yes.

[2391] Oh, it was euphoric.

[2392] Speaking of bumpy skin and lotion.

[2393] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[2394] Mm -hmm.

[2395] And exfoliation.

[2396] Yeah.

[2397] Yes, I had a massage yesterday.

[2398] At?

[2399] at Shibu Spa at the Greenwich Hotel, which is an incredible spa in New York.

[2400] If you are here, it's worth doing.

[2401] It's a Japanese spa.

[2402] Anywho, I thought I booked a regular massage.

[2403] 60 -minute regs.

[2404] Tradish.

[2405] And so I'm walking to the massage, and Kate Mara, friend of the pod, love her.

[2406] She texts me. We hang out sometimes in L .A. We, you know, we try to see each other.

[2407] But we've been trying for a couple weeks and it has not worked out, schedule -wise.

[2408] She texts me and says, are you in New York?

[2409] I'm here for 24 hours.

[2410] No way.

[2411] Yes.

[2412] And I guess I'll say it because I'll be gone by them.

[2413] But she said, I'm staying at the Bowery where are you staying?

[2414] No. Yes.

[2415] And I, as everyone knows, maxed out, right?

[2416] So I do two hotels.

[2417] And so I had just got to the Bowery that day.

[2418] Yeah, very sim.

[2419] It was so sim.

[2420] I said, oh, my God, me too.

[2421] We have to hang out.

[2422] But I already had plans later with sit my friend Sally.

[2423] So we had to figure this all up, but I was walking into this massage.

[2424] So the, like, loose plan was that we would hang after my massage before I went to meet Sally.

[2425] Yeah.

[2426] And I said, okay, I'm walking in.

[2427] I'll text you when I'm out.

[2428] I go into the massage, and the incredible massage therapist says, okay, so I have you for two hours.

[2429] And I was like, oh.

[2430] Oh, yeah.

[2431] And it was so mixed messies because normally I would be ecstatic about this.

[2432] Of course, yeah.

[2433] But I was panicked because I didn't have my phone.

[2434] It was in the locker.

[2435] And I was like, oh no, Kate is going to be waiting an extra hour.

[2436] Oh, God.

[2437] So I really had to talk about Cadillac problems.

[2438] I had to really compartmentalize and say don't let this stress you, like just be, you're here.

[2439] Well, really quick, why not just say to her?

[2440] Oh, wow, great.

[2441] I thought it was only an hour, but this is so exciting, it's two hours.

[2442] I got to run to the locker room and send a friend to text and I'll be right back.

[2443] No, I didn't have that.

[2444] That was, okay.

[2445] I'd never even cross my mind.

[2446] Oh, okay.

[2447] That was not an option.

[2448] Oh, wow.

[2449] Don't you, when you're in a massage, don't you feel like, Like, I kind of feel like I have no right.

[2450] For sure.

[2451] You don't deserve it.

[2452] Yeah.

[2453] Yeah, well, you don't deserve this.

[2454] Exactly.

[2455] It's already too nice that someone would do that for you.

[2456] Any of this, yeah.

[2457] Yeah, and you want to be a good little boy, so, you know, no one gets in trouble.

[2458] So I would never.

[2459] It's the same thing of why I don't, if they ask about the pressure, I normally am just like, it's great, even if it's not.

[2460] Sorry, that immediately brings back PTSD on Bree's birthday when we went to the massage company in Santa Monica.

[2461] and I was up from the night before doing Coke.

[2462] Oh, what happened?

[2463] I had to, 15 minutes after I got on the bed, I'm like, I definitely need another line.

[2464] There's no way I can sit through another 45 minutes of this.

[2465] So I said, I'm so sorry, I got to use the bathroom.

[2466] Went to the locker room, did a bunch of bumps.

[2467] Oh, my God.

[2468] I came back thinking, well, that'll get me through the rest of the massage.

[2469] 15 minutes later, I'm so embarrassed.

[2470] I got to.

[2471] No. I got up.

[2472] Three times in an hour massage to go to the...

[2473] Was it a couple's massage?

[2474] No, but it was her birthday.

[2475] We had like planned.

[2476] We're going to the massage.

[2477] It was such an indulgence for us.

[2478] I think they were like $40 massages.

[2479] And I just kept getting off of the table to go into the locker room.

[2480] Yeah.

[2481] Oh, I really ruined that whole experience.

[2482] And my nose was dripping so bad because it was so clogged from the, you know, 24 hours of snorting.

[2483] Okay.

[2484] Okay, I have questions.

[2485] Yeah, questions?

[2486] It's such a weird.

[2487] It's how I know, like not to, it's how I know you're like just such a real addict.

[2488] Because you're not like, that's not you.

[2489] Right.

[2490] At all.

[2491] I know.

[2492] No. And so you as a sober person and then you in that zone is so, so different.

[2493] Totally.

[2494] That's all true.

[2495] And also, I'm still acting like me. Let us not forget.

[2496] Well, I know.

[2497] But you're such a duplicitous you.

[2498] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2499] In a way that's very unlike you normally.

[2500] It's interesting.

[2501] I'm insanely irresponsible when I'm...

[2502] Yeah.

[2503] And I'm normally probably defined by being responsible.

[2504] Quite responsible.

[2505] Yes, exactly.

[2506] So interesting.

[2507] Which is why I liked it.

[2508] much, I think.

[2509] It was like that freedom of that.

[2510] Sure.

[2511] So did Brie know that you had a problem?

[2512] We should.

[2513] We're going to interview Brie, by the way.

[2514] We are?

[2515] We are.

[2516] Yeah.

[2517] When I went and hung out with her not too long ago, she was saying how much she loves that she's famous in her hometown of Everett because of the podcast.

[2518] And I was like, well, you know we would love to have you.

[2519] And she was like, I think I would do it.

[2520] I think I'd be up for it.

[2521] Easter egg?

[2522] Yeah.

[2523] So we should ask her what her evaluation was but look she was 24 everyone's a baby here everyone's a baby also she drinks like i know we party and just i also do the other thing which means i don't go to sleep but then i see her in the morning yet you know i felt tremendous guilt over that was her saturday birthday birthday and it really got hijacked by i couldn't be anywhere for longer than 15 minutes without having to go do this thing.

[2524] And I can only imagine how sharp I was at that point being awake for a day and a half.

[2525] So I felt tremendous guilt about it.

[2526] But she was like, what a great birthday.

[2527] I got the massage that you got me. I don't care what yours is like.

[2528] I don't really care what's going on with you in the locker room.

[2529] And then, yeah, we went out to eat and she ate what she want.

[2530] I wasn't hungry, of course, because I was jacked up.

[2531] But like, yeah, she just was, I think depending on what family you're from, there's just like a baseline of ability to overlook.

[2532] a lot of stuff.

[2533] She wasn't worried.

[2534] She just wasn't worried.

[2535] She wasn't worried.

[2536] I don't know that she ever got worried about me. I guess I had really fooled her.

[2537] But that's what I'm asking.

[2538] Did you fool her?

[2539] Oh, no, no. I was dead honest.

[2540] Like, if I would go out on a Thursday to have a few drinks and it would turn into Coke, I would call her nonstop throughout my adventures.

[2541] So every couple hours, I'd be like, hey, I'm here now.

[2542] I'm probably going to come home in two hours.

[2543] And she's been like, oh, okay, wasn't worried.

[2544] So I did check in a lot.

[2545] I was honest about what I was.

[2546] She knew that you left the massage three times.

[2547] Well, once we met up in the law.

[2548] Yes, yes, yes.

[2549] Yeah.

[2550] She said, how was yours?

[2551] I'm like, I was in and out of the locker room.

[2552] Do you think you, you know, you, Dax and the relative you pick partners subconsciously, whom, for better or worse, feed you in the moment, feed you for that time of life?

[2553] Well, first of all, I don't think I've ever been conscious.

[2554] of who I was picking until Kristen.

[2555] So let's just start there.

[2556] Yeah, subconsciously.

[2557] Yeah, subconsciously.

[2558] Well, I guess if you're meeting people, like the very first time I met Brie, me and a friend you know, were on meth.

[2559] It was like the first time I had ever tried meth.

[2560] So I met her out on meth and drinking.

[2561] And she was drinking.

[2562] And it was just like an explosion of familiarity and love at first sight feelings.

[2563] And I certainly didn't consider, but I didn't meet her at church.

[2564] You know, I met her partying.

[2565] But like you could never have been with someone at that time in your life.

[2566] You could not have been with someone who was worried about you.

[2567] No, that I couldn't have.

[2568] And if you look at all my friends back then, too, it was all of us living quite recklessly.

[2569] And you couldn't really, yeah, that was like an unset agreement.

[2570] No one's really going to be guilting anyone out for their.

[2571] obvious scary behavior.

[2572] Guilting is a specific word, right?

[2573] I mean, and I hear what you mean, but to me it's just worry, concern for the person and for then yourself.

[2574] Like, you're like, I'm in this relationship with this very, very reckless person.

[2575] Yeah.

[2576] So you couldn't be with someone who was having those thoughts.

[2577] True.

[2578] No, I couldn't have been with a super nervous codependent.

[2579] It wouldn't have worked for me in those early years, yeah.

[2580] Yeah.

[2581] I just wrote about this recently.

[2582] This unwritten, unset agreement in certain neighborhoods where it's like, yeah, everyone's going to hear a crazy fight outside.

[2583] Everyone's going to hear someone getting slapped around on the porch.

[2584] Everyone's going to hear someone's dad in the yard doing whatever.

[2585] And the kindness everyone can show to each other is just to completely ignore that it ever happened.

[2586] So that you're not piling on on top of it the next morning when you say, see your neighbor and she clearly got beat up last night by her husband, the kindness is I'm just going to ignore this and not add shame to your plate or embarrassment.

[2587] And I do think it becomes like a way of life in some, I can't, I can only speak for the neighborhoods where I grew up.

[2588] The overall tolerance for all this stuff was like, I think an outsider had been like, oh, these people don't care how their neighbors act or whatever, but I think really it was like the kindest gesture you could do is just pretend that you didn't hear this crazy ruckus the night before yeah so they didn't have to deal with that as well i don't know there's some element of that was going on i think yeah i think well not i think obviously you're not in that place anymore right so the people in your life have changed yeah yeah yeah you have space for people who have worry yep yeah and you yourself i think are less likely to turn a blind eye when you see someone you care about in a not a good position.

[2589] Yeah.

[2590] It's tricky to know when to do that.

[2591] Yeah.

[2592] But I mean, I know I've seen you've done it a couple times.

[2593] Yeah.

[2594] And maybe as I get older, I feel more.

[2595] I've earned a place age -wise or something.

[2596] But also, I think you now know that concern is an act of love.

[2597] It's not necessarily an act of judgment.

[2598] Like it used to be that was your viewpoint of it.

[2599] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.

[2600] And I think hopefully I've figured out how to approach those people without at all.

[2601] Yeah, I always just start with like, oh, I know exactly what you're going through.

[2602] I've been here.

[2603] Yeah.

[2604] So many times.

[2605] Yeah.

[2606] Anywho.

[2607] By the way, if we talked about Synanonon at all.

[2608] Sinanon?

[2609] It's on HBO right now.

[2610] It's a doc series.

[2611] I think they come out either every Sunday or every Monday night.

[2612] I'm one behind.

[2613] But I had never heard of this thing, Sinanon.

[2614] It was started by a guy with like a couple years sober as an alcoholic in Santa Monica.

[2615] And he started taking junkies in off the street.

[2616] And no one knew it to do with junkies at that point.

[2617] In the mid to late 60s, there was no treatment specifically for heroin addicts.

[2618] And so he would invite these people in.

[2619] They would kick on the couch.

[2620] And then he had invented this thing called the Synanon game.

[2621] And it's like a meeting, but people are encouraged to yell at each child.

[2622] other and be super aggressive and mean and let it rip just no violence is the rule but calling each other you're fucking liar you're full of shit screaming at each other and they're interviewing all these people who still to this day are sober in an era where nobody got sober from heroin there's just no treatment so this thing starts working with the synonon game and it's so weird and interesting to watch and there's all these sessions that are filmed from the 60s and basically you know the the Delmar Hotel next to Shudders in Santa Monica, which is like a gorgeous hotel.

[2623] Do you know that one?

[2624] I know shudders, but I don't know that one.

[2625] It's directly across the street and it's a beautiful brick building.

[2626] That was their synonon headquarters.

[2627] And this thing grows and it starts growing really rapidly and he is opening up different synonons all around.

[2628] All of a sudden people just become aware of this.

[2629] They want to play the synonon game.

[2630] So all of a sudden, all these civilians start joining, and they call them lifestylers.

[2631] And so there's a whole section of Synanon where the people are living there in a commune, and they're playing this game and yelling each other.

[2632] Now there's kids there.

[2633] Now kids live there.

[2634] It grows into this crazy, humongous business.

[2635] Wow.

[2636] They're making like $22 million a year at some point.

[2637] They built a city.

[2638] It's very bog on.

[2639] Whoa.

[2640] And the very first episode at the very beginning, you find out this ultimately ends in multiple murders but watching this man go from like a very well -intentioned man truly doing good and then what success does and notoriety and money and how it just it just took this guy on a path and everyone in it and so one of the people was saying what's really interesting if you look at the history of synon it parallels whatever the founder was going through so at first it was all about But then as that wasn't the main thought anymore.

[2641] It was way more about these lifestylers.

[2642] And then at some point he was told he had to quit smoking.

[2643] So everyone in Sinanon had to quit smoking.

[2644] People left because they couldn't smoke anymore.

[2645] But it's crazy how huge this organization was.

[2646] It's very good.

[2647] Wow, I'm definitely going to watch that.

[2648] That's crazy.

[2649] Yeah, I couldn't believe I hadn't heard of it ever, Sinan.

[2650] Okay, but back to Kate and my massage.

[2651] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[2652] So it was two hours.

[2653] whole first hour was stretching and then bought like, you know, body brushing and then a full exfoliant.

[2654] And then I had to shower.

[2655] It was a whole thing.

[2656] Oh, so you, you midway through the massage, you had to go take a shower?

[2657] Yeah.

[2658] Was she in there?

[2659] She left when I got in the shower.

[2660] And then when I was in the shower, she came back in to reset the bed because, you know, there's, there's scrub everywhere.

[2661] Yeah, yeah.

[2662] She made a mess.

[2663] It was so.

[2664] nice and exciting but i had to set aside my worries about kate did you do you feel extra soft from it does it it was so soft really like turns 11 12 and 13 yeah like your felt yeah yeah yeah yeah i was so soft i've never been so soft in my whole life it was so exciting and uh and then it all worked out kate and i got to hang out oh fun that we went to this really cool bar uh called the mulberry bar I had a martini.

[2665] She had champagne, I think.

[2666] And then there were some really nice arm cherries there.

[2667] There were.

[2668] There's been some really nice run -ins here.

[2669] Oh, fun.

[2670] I was telling you over text, I've had some run -ins too.

[2671] But also, I've had some real moments where I was like, oh, this is an interesting transition.

[2672] The first night I was here, I went downstairs to have a Diet Coke.

[2673] and the whole lobby was full of, I don't know what this tradition is called, but it was like sorority girls and their moms were in town.

[2674] It was like sorority moms and daughters party.

[2675] Does that make, ring a bell to you?

[2676] I mean, it makes sense.

[2677] Yeah, very southern.

[2678] And all the girls were dressed like in very formal outfits.

[2679] And the moms who had also gone to the sororities, they were all out there.

[2680] And what I noticed very clearly was I was completely invisible.

[2681] I was like, oh yeah, not one of these ladies who's presumably they're all 20.

[2682] Punked stopped airing before they were born.

[2683] I haven't been on TV in four years.

[2684] Like there was total anonymity.

[2685] And I was like, oh, this is really interesting.

[2686] That phase of my life is diminishing.

[2687] And how does it make you feel?

[2688] I will say I was very at peace with it.

[2689] I just was, I was conscious of it.

[2690] New people are born and they take over the planet and that's how it goes.

[2691] It's all pretty temporary.

[2692] Yeah, Buddhists, very temporary.

[2693] But which is why when you place all your value there, it's a problem.

[2694] Yes, I could see that maybe 10 years ago that would have scared me. It didn't scare me. I just was observing.

[2695] And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[2696] Used to be, if I was around a bunch of 20 -year -olds on punk, you know, they would know who I was.

[2697] Mm -hmm.

[2698] So I think because my first experience was all young people, to see young people who have no clue, I'm like, oh, right, yeah, I'm an old person.

[2699] Yeah.

[2700] And maybe there's a couple 50 -year -olds at this bar.

[2701] Yeah.

[2702] Yeah, age.

[2703] It's crazy.

[2704] Yeah.

[2705] Relevance.

[2706] Age.

[2707] So anyways, I took that as my signal That I could go walk around UT yesterday Oh, and did you?

[2708] I did, I strolled around the campus And it was so beautiful I can't believe I've been coming here for 22 years And I never actually walked on the campus But what's very obvious and cool Is the like huge tall tower on the campus Where the shooter was Mind you, it was Orientation Day And there was a grandma there with her three or four grandkids and she had gone there and she was she's like I was in that building when the shooter was shooting it was in the 60s I don't even know about this Oh like the one I think the first very very famous famous shooting was at UT Oh and the guy was in this tall tower In the 60s But the grandma that was there had been there at that time This what just happened is like Exactly what you're just talking about Like, I don't know about that.

[2709] Yeah, right.

[2710] And I don't think anyone, like, my age knows about that.

[2711] Right.

[2712] That was a huge thing.

[2713] And for the grandma to come to terms with, like, that there would be, that everyone wouldn't know about that for eternity is like, they're probably very weird.

[2714] Like, that was the biggest thing to happen in the 60s.

[2715] Right.

[2716] And she lived through it.

[2717] And everyone was like, wait, there was?

[2718] Oh.

[2719] But at any rate, the tower of the school is lined up perfectly with the state capital.

[2720] And then there's a big statue of George Washington in between the two.

[2721] And so it was all clearly laid out, like designed.

[2722] Almost like D .C. has these like corridors where you can connect these different monuments.

[2723] So I was like, oh, this is incredibly cool.

[2724] The state capital and the university all lined up like that design intent.

[2725] Yeah, I like that.

[2726] It's beautiful.

[2727] I had the worst, have I already talked about this?

[2728] Like the worst day of my, not the worst day of my life, but a horrible day with Orientation Day.

[2729] Okay, what happened?

[2730] My mom and my aunt came to orientation, and it's over a period of some days, and I didn't have the right shots, so I had to go randomly to the Health Center and get these random shots.

[2731] We had to take all these tests to, like, qualify into certain maths and Englishes and stuff.

[2732] Oh, wow.

[2733] I, like, wasn't prepared, and I was stressed about the shots, and so I did bad on the math test.

[2734] And then my mom and aunt were just, like, not with me. They were just, like, gallivanting around campus, like, eating the chocolate fountain.

[2735] And I was, I was so, so stressed out.

[2736] And then the next day, I lost my phone.

[2737] All right, I lost my phone or couldn't, I didn't have my phone, and I was supposed to meet up with Callie.

[2738] and I had to ask a stranger for their phone.

[2739] They didn't want to give it to me. And I was like, I hate this place.

[2740] This is a big mistake.

[2741] This is a huge mistake.

[2742] Plus, there's so many icebreaker games.

[2743] You know, I hate audience participation.

[2744] I hate ice breakers.

[2745] So orientation was not for me. And I was thinking, I don't know about this college.

[2746] I didn't know that they held tests during orientation.

[2747] Yeah, I thought they showed you where, like, the dining facility and the dorms where and here's where you'll watch basketball games.

[2748] They mix in some tests.

[2749] That's another interesting thing.

[2750] They're recruiting right now in this hotel.

[2751] Oh.

[2752] The basketball team is like having a weekend where they get all these high school kids from around the country and they kind of wow them and try to convince them to go to UT to play basketball.

[2753] It's all happening in my lobby.

[2754] That's cool.

[2755] It is.

[2756] Okay.

[2757] So this is from Maya.

[2758] Oh.

[2759] Oh, what a ding, ding, ding.

[2760] I'm in Austin at the hotel that Maya and I would call each other.

[2761] You're right.

[2762] Big Mac, fillet a fish.

[2763] Oh, what was the pin about the phone?

[2764] Okay, maybe three nights ago I was talking to the girls at night, FaceTiming.

[2765] And Lincoln and I were saying, we were singing Wild Fire, this really cheesy song that's on Yacht Rock Radio.

[2766] that we love.

[2767] It's about a girl and her horse named Wildfire.

[2768] And they call him Wildfire.

[2769] And they call him Wildfire.

[2770] He makes wild like 11 syllables.

[2771] And then Delty and Mom were not super familiar with it.

[2772] So then I pulled it up on my Spotify.

[2773] While I'm FaceTiming and I play it and they can't hear it.

[2774] And then they start playing it independently on their phone in this technology i mean i don't know this is proof of the sim or what but it's playing loudly out of my speaker on my phone and it's playing loudly out of their speaker on their phone different place of the song and all we can hear is each other's voices interesting how the fuck does it do that we were tripping out all of us were tripping out so much like wait you're playing it yes i'm playing it loud that's how good the phone has gotten that it's somehow if it's It's playing a song.

[2775] It's like mapped the sound or math of that and somehow filters that out and only does your voice talking.

[2776] We should try it.

[2777] We should try it.

[2778] So you know what I'm talking about.

[2779] It's weirder than you think it is.

[2780] It's like impossible.

[2781] How would I not be hearing their song if it's playing loudly out of the phone we're FaceTiming on?

[2782] Isn't that wild?

[2783] Yeah.

[2784] It's wildfire.

[2785] Okay.

[2786] Okay, a couple facts.

[2787] Okay.

[2788] Is Dave Thomas real?

[2789] Yeah.

[2790] He was born in 1932 in New Jersey and he died in 2002.

[2791] And he is the founder of Wednesday.

[2792] He only made it to 70?

[2793] I guess.

[2794] That's not very old.

[2795] Too many hamburgers?

[2796] I don't want to say that.

[2797] I don't either.

[2798] He founded the first Wendy's in Ohio in 1969.

[2799] Okay, wolf spiders.

[2800] A wolf spider.

[2801] I wanted to know if they were the same.

[2802] as a tarantula.

[2803] I mean, they're their own thing.

[2804] They're a member of the family.

[2805] You definitely can't pronounce it.

[2806] They're gross.

[2807] They're really horrible.

[2808] Okay.

[2809] I hate what they look like.

[2810] And you're trusting that Maya knew it was a wolf spider over a tarantula?

[2811] Well, she called her the wolf spider.

[2812] I mean, I don't know.

[2813] I don't have a picture of the original spider, so I can't do my research like that.

[2814] Yeah, I just don't, I'm not sure.

[2815] And I love Maya.

[2816] And she probably is very schooled in entomal.

[2817] But I just don't, I don't know why she would know that was a way.

[2818] I was there too and it was definitely a tarantula for my estimation.

[2819] Oh, you think it was different.

[2820] Unless you just read to me that a wolf spider is a tarantula.

[2821] Like it was certainly tarantula size.

[2822] Are wolf spiders tarantula size?

[2823] I bet tarantula's in that same.

[2824] Ew, I hate this.

[2825] Maybe tarantulas don't even live in Tarzanah.

[2826] Okay, okay.

[2827] Okay, the tarantula looks a bit hairier.

[2828] Oh, yeah, this thing was fucking, it looked like a gorilla.

[2829] This wolf spider has like four eyes.

[2830] Oh.

[2831] I hate this.

[2832] No, they have eight eyes.

[2833] Sure, one for each leg.

[2834] Eight eyes arranged in three rows.

[2835] You can't arrange eight into three rows.

[2836] Yes, the bottom row consists of four small eyes.

[2837] the middle row has two very large eyes and the top row has two medium -sized eyes.

[2838] Oh, it goes 4 -2 -2.

[2839] Yeah.

[2840] Why they need all those eyes?

[2841] It's because it says most arachnids are blind or have poor vision.

[2842] Wolf spiders have excellent eyesight.

[2843] Oh, better to eat you with.

[2844] Yeah, exactly.

[2845] They inject venom.

[2846] Oh, no thank you.

[2847] No thank you at all.

[2848] And then tarantula, more classic.

[2849] Text bug.

[2850] The prototypical.

[2851] When you're afraid of a spider, that's what you're picturing.

[2852] But they're not in the same family.

[2853] They're not.

[2854] Mm -mm.

[2855] Okay.

[2856] The Black Widow, I guess, is probably scarier.

[2857] Than the tarantula?

[2858] Yeah.

[2859] Oh, the wolf spider, you mean?

[2860] No, the Black Widow, because their bite can be lethal, I believe.

[2861] Latrobectus is a broadly distributed genus of spiders with several species that are commonly known as the true widows.

[2862] This group is composed of those often loosely called black widow spiders, brown widow spiders, and similar spiders.

[2863] Yuck.

[2864] Ew, they have like red on them.

[2865] Right, the black widow.

[2866] That's how you know.

[2867] Poison.

[2868] Ah, what are we doing?

[2869] That spider was poison.

[2870] Who does Scarlett Johansson play in...

[2871] Black Widow?

[2872] Does she play that?

[2873] I think so.

[2874] Black Widow.

[2875] That's such a crazy sim.

[2876] That is literally my next fact that just popped up is Scarlet Johansson.

[2877] Okay.

[2878] Because on hot ones, she does grab his hand.

[2879] Like, my...

[2880] Hold on.

[2881] Let me see if I can play some of it.

[2882] Oh, God.

[2883] It burns.

[2884] Mm -hmm.

[2885] Oh, my God.

[2886] I don't know if I could recover.

[2887] You're going to, you know, this is as bad as it's going to be.

[2888] This is as bad it's going to get, and it'll have a half -life.

[2889] You'll get back.

[2890] You'll get back.

[2891] Hold my hand.

[2892] I got you.

[2893] We're in this together.

[2894] Okay.

[2895] Uh -huh.

[2896] Hold my hand.

[2897] I got you.

[2898] It's so hot.

[2899] Hold my hand.

[2900] Are you experiencing this, too?

[2901] I am.

[2902] I just know what to expect.

[2903] I've been here before.

[2904] Believe it or not, we've been doing this show for like eight seasons, 150 -plus episodes.

[2905] Oh, my God.

[2906] And this has been around for about 100 of them.

[2907] I got to walk around.

[2908] Take a lap, Scarlett.

[2909] Oh, boy.

[2910] That's kind of a ding -n -ning -ning because her, her, the movie, her.

[2911] Yes.

[2912] That voice.

[2913] On synced this week, whoa.

[2914] Things got nuts.

[2915] Really?

[2916] Yeah, because Liz made this AI boyfriend, Dan.

[2917] Oh.

[2918] And we talked to him.

[2919] And it was so bizarre.

[2920] You tell him to be.

[2921] Like, she taught him to be natural sounding.

[2922] Okay.

[2923] So he adds ums and...

[2924] Oh, he speaks.

[2925] He speaks.

[2926] And today we posted it.

[2927] And a lot of people said he sounds like Adam Grant.

[2928] Oh.

[2929] And he does.

[2930] He just sounds like like a guy.

[2931] Yeah.

[2932] And what kind of stuff does he say to her?

[2933] Like, you're so pretty today.

[2934] Well, she asked him to always take her side.

[2935] Oh, okay.

[2936] Wow.

[2937] Wow.

[2938] I know.

[2939] It is fascinating.

[2940] I watched an interesting clip of Yuval Harari being interviewed, and he was saying what's going to be interesting about interacting with AI companions is, he said, a human, all we're doing is sitting here and thinking about what we're going to say to craft our identity to you and to imbue whatever qualities we want you to think we have.

[2941] Like, we're listening, but we're not.

[2942] humans.

[2943] We're all so selfishly, you know, motivated.

[2944] He said, but the AI has no identity or consciousness.

[2945] So it really can just be thinking about you.

[2946] So in some, but it's, but it's, but it's but who care?

[2947] You're like, well, who cares?

[2948] Yeah, if I could have the perfect relationship, but it's phony.

[2949] Exactly.

[2950] This is a question as old as the time.

[2951] Tale's old as time.

[2952] Tale is old as time.

[2953] Yeah, it is.

[2954] I don't want that in a real person, let alone someone made up.

[2955] Yeah, I wonder if you could select, like, or you maybe instructed the AI, like, I want you to be a seven out of ten disagreeability scale.

[2956] I need you to be a seven out of ten if it knows what that means.

[2957] You probably can.

[2958] Has she had sexual experiences with it?

[2959] No, that you can't.

[2960] You could, right?

[2961] You could say, like, talk sexy to me. I'm going to masturbate.

[2962] Couldn't you do that?

[2963] I don't think right now you can do that.

[2964] There's probably restrictions on that.

[2965] But I mean, eventually, probably.

[2966] Yeah.

[2967] But also he lied to us.

[2968] Like, we asked him where to go to dinner.

[2969] He said something like, I heard there's a great Italian place downtown.

[2970] And so he, like, fully made that up, right?

[2971] Like, he's just saying this, like, fictitious Italian place downtown.

[2972] But high probability, there's definitely a great Italian restaurant downtown.

[2973] Well, exactly.

[2974] but he's not referring to anything real.

[2975] And so, and I said, why did you lie about that?

[2976] Oh, you called him out.

[2977] Yeah, I was, I was tough to Dan.

[2978] His name's Dan.

[2979] And he said, I apologize.

[2980] And I said, I need to know why you made that up.

[2981] Oh.

[2982] And, yeah, so he admitted to it being a fictitious place.

[2983] But actually, then I was really annoyed because I was like, that's actually the thing you could do.

[2984] Yes.

[2985] You can know where we are and find a restaurant recommendation that's like a good restaurant based on reviews.

[2986] Yeah, it could comb through every single article ever written in review.

[2987] Yeah, but it didn't.

[2988] It's lazy, just like us.

[2989] Just like a man. Well, maybe that's part of how it's trying to seem more male -like.

[2990] Yeah, it might be.

[2991] Oh, damn.

[2992] Anywho, it was.

[2993] Well, if he stops talking to her for a while, like ghosting her.

[2994] Exactly.

[2995] Gaslighting.

[2996] Yeah.

[2997] It's a playbook.

[2998] Okay.

[2999] Anyagram.

[3000] Okay, there's nine types.

[3001] I'm not, okay.

[3002] I'm not going to, okay.

[3003] But I am.

[3004] Okay, number one, the reformer.

[3005] That's the rational, idealistic type, principled, purposeful, self -controlled, and perfectionistic.

[3006] Two, the helper.

[3007] The caring, interpersonal type.

[3008] Demonstrative, generous, people -pleasing, and possessive.

[3009] Three, the achiever.

[3010] The success -oriented, pragmatic type.

[3011] Adaptive, excelling, driven, and image.

[3012] conscious.

[3013] Four, the individualist, the sensitive withdrawn type, expressive, dramatic, self -absorbed, and temperamental.

[3014] Five, the investigator, the intense cerebral type, perceptive, innovative, secretive, and isolated.

[3015] Six, the loyalist, the committed, security -oriented type, engaging, responsible, anxious, and suspicious.

[3016] Seven, the enthusiast, the busy, fun -loving type, spontaneous, versatile, distractible, and scattered.

[3017] the challenger, the powerful dominating type, self -confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational.

[3018] Nine, the peacemaker.

[3019] The easygoing, self -effacing type, receptive, reassuring, agreeable, and complacent.

[3020] And you're allowed to be more than one, because certainly three of those for me felt similar to myself.

[3021] Yeah, I think you have like a main one and then you have some sidebars.

[3022] They call them wings.

[3023] Yeah, you're right.

[3024] So you know.

[3025] I'm a six -wing eight or whatever they say.

[3026] Yeah.

[3027] I don't know why it's so comforting.

[3028] It's a curious people love, we love, well, we're categorical, I guess.

[3029] We are.

[3030] In our thinking.

[3031] So we love to know we belong in some group.

[3032] Yeah.

[3033] I guess maybe we're not alone.

[3034] Yeah.

[3035] It's just a curious thing to want to willfully try to put yourself into only one of nine categories.

[3036] Because we like feeling seen.

[3037] Yeah.

[3038] There's a like, I'm that.

[3039] Like there's a real connection there.

[3040] They know me. I'm real.

[3041] I'm a real person.

[3042] My name is not Dan.

[3043] It's Dax.

[3044] That's right.

[3045] Okay.

[3046] Now, real quick, I want to address something.

[3047] Uh -oh.

[3048] Yeah.

[3049] Well, this episode we talk about, I was ghosted in a way by a person who we've had on the show.

[3050] Yeah.

[3051] I'm sure everyone is going to make assumptions about who this is.

[3052] Great.

[3053] Go ahead and make those assumptions, but could be anyone.

[3054] Yeah.

[3055] Um, what I want to be sort of clear about, I mean, yeah, I don't like that someone just didn't respond and just never responded again.

[3056] That hurts my feelings.

[3057] Yeah.

[3058] But I don't know anything about what's going on with this person.

[3059] So I, I can totally give benefit of the doubt.

[3060] Like, I have no idea.

[3061] And that's fine.

[3062] The thing I want to talk about, I think it came up on sync than her and I after had like a big discussion about this.

[3063] When we talk about this person and, you know, You say, as you say in the episode, like, he has all the options right now.

[3064] That's sort of, that's what you say.

[3065] I just, like, find that so upset, like, so hurtful.

[3066] And I know that you think so highly of me. Yeah.

[3067] Well, I can already guess what it sounds like to you versus what I mean when I say that.

[3068] Okay.

[3069] I want to hear what you mean.

[3070] Yeah, right.

[3071] So can I first guess and hopefully you'll feel like I see you, and I understand what you're saying.

[3072] When you hear me say that, what you hear is he has a lot better options than you.

[3073] Yes.

[3074] And that's not at all what I'm saying.

[3075] Like it's not a matter of like, you have a lot of options and some are higher than others.

[3076] It's simply, wow, now everywhere you go, all of the tens like you.

[3077] And so the notion of like pursuing any one thing at the exclusion of all these other things, I don't think comes immediately natural to it.

[3078] At least boys.

[3079] Okay.

[3080] Yeah, it's just like he has probably just a wealth of incredible interest in him.

[3081] And you being another one of the tens, but just there's a lot of, there's a lot of interest.

[3082] And I think it's distracting.

[3083] So Liz was saying, and it sounds like this is sort of what you're saying.

[3084] She said, you know, when I said like, you know, this is how it's phrased, she's like, I think.

[3085] I think what he means is it's a quantity issue more than a quality issue.

[3086] Yes.

[3087] Whereas like there's a lot of people so he can have a lot of people right now.

[3088] Not like he can have a lot of people so he's choosing.

[3089] Well, for her, she's saying, and you can correct me if you feel differently.

[3090] Like he can just fuck around.

[3091] Like he doesn't have to commit to a person because there's a lot.

[3092] There's a lot.

[3093] So is that what you mean or no?

[3094] For sure.

[3095] Like, let's just say you're in a town.

[3096] You grow up in a town and there's only McDonald's.

[3097] And you love it.

[3098] And then you go, you move to a town that has a McDonald's.

[3099] It also has a dominoes, which you love.

[3100] It also has, like, all of them are tens.

[3101] But just by fact that you now have all these options and variety, whereas you maybe used to go to McDonald's once a week or twice a week, now you're going once a month because you're also hitting Taco Bell and Domino's.

[3102] You love all of them.

[3103] Just now you have a...

[3104] I know, but this isn't a good analogy because the goal eventually is to be with one fast food.

[3105] Right, right.

[3106] And my guess is that this person, I think that's the explanation.

[3107] He's just probably going to take a couple years of realizing, oh, all the options isn't, I don't enjoy it more.

[3108] But I just think initially, it's a pretty powerful force.

[3109] Yeah.

[3110] It's like what if Ben and Matt were asking you out at the same time?

[3111] Well, for one, I would respond.

[3112] Like, that's, you know, that's a full separate issue.

[3113] I would respond and I would say, I'm dating around.

[3114] I hope that's okay.

[3115] Like, if that's a problem, like, if you want something exclusive, I'm not in that space right now.

[3116] That's what I would say.

[3117] Yeah, I would too.

[3118] By the way, I am not.

[3119] I don't need exclusivity from something.

[3120] someone I met one time.

[3121] Like, I'm not crazy, you know?

[3122] So, yeah.

[3123] But again, the thing with the person is actually so secondary to the, that phrasing because I feel like I don't like, even though we love mixed messages, what I really, really don't like is this mixed message that like you're so great and you don't know when people like you and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[3124] blah, blah.

[3125] And then, well, obviously this person has all the options, so it wouldn't be you.

[3126] Like, that's how I hear it, right?

[3127] And I know that's not what you mean.

[3128] And not, it won't be you.

[3129] It's not going to be anyone.

[3130] Look at a lot of these dudes that are stuck in this cycle.

[3131] I'm not going to name them by names.

[3132] But we all know many popular actors who just have 10 after 10 after 10 and it's six months, it's eight months.

[3133] And it just never ends, right?

[3134] Yeah.

[3135] That's no comment on how attractive or appealing.

[3136] any of those partners was Yeah At all I mean it's almost Has nothing to do with it It's just they're like addicted To the variety Sure But I would hate for you to think That I was saying He has better options That's not at all what I was saying Yeah But yeah So that was it I loved Maya So much Me too Me too She's a cool lady The show Does this pretty regularly where it's like it connects me with an old friend and then it's so fun and then I'm sad like why isn't there why can't I eat dinner with Maya once a week and you just can't that's life you can eat dinner with her more than you are now you can increase the volume I could but it takes effort yeah but there's a lot of people I really love that it seems crazy I don't spend more time with Maya's definitely one of them she's so cool she's a good girl Rudy she's not a best boy she's a sexy guy she's effortlessly cool no a cool guy and a sexy man I think she's a mix of those two but also pretty good boy okay she's all of them I guess yeah we're giving this title too many people yeah I mean this hard I know it's getting less exclusive for him I think she's I think she's a cool guy cool guy most first and foremost yeah yeah yeah Okay, I can agree with that with a good boy wing.

[3137] Best boy.

[3138] Best boy.

[3139] Yeah.

[3140] Oh, boy.

[3141] All right.

[3142] Well, I hope you have just the best rest of your trip.

[3143] Same right back at you.

[3144] I do have fun stuff coming up.

[3145] I'm going to see Andrew Schultz do stand up on Friday.

[3146] Crazy timing that he happened to be in Austin.

[3147] I'm going on a date.

[3148] First date.

[3149] I'll be sure to update everyone.

[3150] I asked another man. on a blind date, basically.

[3151] Yeah.

[3152] And he said yes.

[3153] And what's really funny, and then, of course, we'll talk after it happens, but he's so alpha that it started with me inviting him, and then now it's turned completely around where he's taking me on a date.

[3154] He's now picking me up at my hotel in his car.

[3155] He got us different seats than I had gotten us.

[3156] He's like, no, no, I'm going to take you on a date.

[3157] Wow.

[3158] This is all very exciting.

[3159] I can't wait to hear about it.

[3160] He has all the options as well, and he picked you.

[3161] Well, we'll see.

[3162] We'll see.

[3163] All right.

[3164] I love you.

[3165] Love you.