#699 - Donald Cerrone

[0] All right.

[1] We're live.

[2] We've been talking about doing this for a while.

[3] We have.

[4] We have.

[5] Glad we finally pulled it off.

[6] It's about time.

[7] What are you doing in town?

[8] I came here and did a little surfing.

[9] Start off the plane.

[10] Then I had to do a UFC thing where I did a trained Blake Griffin this morning, this afternoon.

[11] Oh, okay.

[12] I saw that picture.

[13] Yeah.

[14] So we were mixing it up, M .MA.

[15] He's showing me how to dunk over a car, and I was teaching him how to whip some ass.

[16] When you We see a guy like that That's like a giant athlete like that Don't you want to go man You're a fucking great radio voice I've never heard the radio I mean The radio voice You're still your stand up You're fucking man Now you're like And now you're This is like this is like Well if we're at dinner I'd have the same voice Okay gotcha All right You're like And next on the stage Destiny Destiny coming to the main stage 14 dollar kamikazis nice and smooth when you see like a dude like that do you want to tell him man with that fucking body you can be heavyweight champion in the world I was telling him I was like you're huge your grips like everything about you was just massive but you know when we were like doing some underovers and some like wrestling and I think he was kind of like letting me like I felt like he was like limping arm of me I was like pussy like fucking man give me you know what I mean like don't don't fucking big brother me right now like don't give me Oh, I'm just a little kid So then once I fucking gave him that talk Then he stepped it up a little bit I was like, yeah, don't do that to me Motherfucker, I'm a grown ass man I'm fucking six foot tall I'll fuck you up so Don't lip on me right now I thought to tell him It's funny because you are six foot tall But when you look and stand next to him You're like Jesus fucking Christ Bro how tall is that dude?

[17] He's 610 Jesus Christ 10 man yeah it was It was funny You know I was telling him I'm like, how you're so coordinated on the court, and then you put some fucking gloves on, and you can't...

[18] What the, what the fuck?

[19] Like, one, two.

[20] Like, we were just going, like, come all.

[21] It's a whole different thing, man. And then he had his management come up to me and tell me he doesn't want to knee your kick.

[22] And so, of course, we fucking need a kick because you can't tell me what you can't do.

[23] Does he have fucked up needs or something?

[24] Who knows?

[25] I have no idea, but he did, no, he just...

[26] And he didn't want to be embarrassed.

[27] Like, when you do something that you're not good out, you don't want to do it in front of people, especially cameras and, you know, So he, uh, no, we did it.

[28] A lot of those guys have fucked up knees, right?

[29] Yeah, a lot of our guys have fucked up knees.

[30] Yeah, everybody has fucked up knees, man. No big is, huge.

[31] That's a giant dude.

[32] Yeah, if you could teach that guy how to kick, Jesus Christ.

[33] Fucking knee, I mean, the dude can dunk over a car, so, like, jump.

[34] So, jump, so I jump knee, it was fun.

[35] Yeah, I could only imagine.

[36] I can only imagine.

[37] But those guys, there's so much more money in the NBA, and you don't have to get your ass kick.

[38] Well, so I told him, I said, hey, man, I need you to go to the NBA.

[39] and tell them you guys need enforcers like hockey I'll be your man you know what I'm saying so you tell me you go out to say yo cowboy fucking number 23 keeps hit me in the ribs you know I don't like that I'll go out there and I'll just ice the fool right there on the middle of the court it is weird that hockey is the only sport where you're allowed to beat people up in the middle of the game yeah my buddy Scott Parker I mean he is the enforcer for the Colorado abs well he's retired now but I mean that was his job so you know he would tell me he was like mentally had to prepare Like him and I talk a lot about just the preparation of fighting and how he'd get game ready because he knew he was fighting whoever was the other enforcers or he'd be ready and it's cool like interacting with him in that sense.

[40] But yeah, they'd like promote it like, oh, you're messing with my goalie or all you're met.

[41] So they send up the enforcer like.

[42] It's just it's because it's Canadian.

[43] What a cool job.

[44] It's a great job.

[45] Fuck like on your, Joe, get get him in here.

[46] You know what I mean?

[47] Like what the fuck how cool is though.

[48] It's just funny that no other sport.

[49] But any other sport, if you fight, you're not just ejected for the game, you're subject to penalties, you might get suspended.

[50] And hockey, it's a normal thing.

[51] Yeah, I mean, if you're, if, for instance, if Blake just hauled off and jump knee, someone's whole face off in the middle of the game, that would be huge.

[52] And then they'd be in big trouble.

[53] Do you think it's because hockey, like, they're not that stable because you're on skates?

[54] Like, it takes a lot of fucking skate knowledge to be able to brawl while you're on skates.

[55] I can barely fucking stand on skates.

[56] I don't know how to ice skate.

[57] I'm terrible at it I did it about two years ago and thought I was cool tried to do the hockey stop fucking cocked the head bam out on the fucking ice that was the end of my hockey dream so yeah I'm not a not a skater fighting yeah I have no idea so well I would imagine if you could teach a dude like a dude who's like a figure skater teach him some like real good kicks you could fuck somebody out but you're not allowed to do that right you can't just like figure skate wheel kick someone's fucking head off juggler done I don't think they can raise either knee or anything they can't bring any of the skips off the feet down what about Superman punch wouldn't be effective they wouldn't even know that you were throwing a kick I mean unless you came out of my like Thor like you know Thor and the movie Troy skis kish skis kush and you fucking ice to me so like a trick like a trick yeah I don't know yeah it would have to be something no one expected have to yeah it is just weird that they don't have that in basketball If basketball becomes less and less popular, maybe they would have to bring it in.

[58] So, well, did you know in hockey, the enforcers can't wear a face mask?

[59] Oh, really?

[60] They can only wear a helmet with no guard.

[61] It's like a penalty if they do.

[62] That's interesting.

[63] So they can't take punishment.

[64] That makes sense.

[65] Yeah.

[66] So if one guy had it on and one guy didn't.

[67] Exactly.

[68] So they have to not have it.

[69] But still, they just grab and just throttle, punch through the plastic.

[70] And that's insane, right?

[71] Yeah, it is kind of insane.

[72] insane yeah it's it's it's a fucked up job that's a weird gray area sport but i think a lot of it is also because it's canadian canada they're just them there's more men up there all right i'll give you that you know what i'm saying sure sure it's like there's a lot of pussies in america i mean there's a lot of men in america a lot of pussies in america there's a lot of pussies yeah and in and in canada i think fist fights are more a normal thing like think about if we were back pre -biblical and we're in like now right right right don't just talking about Okay, I'm going to throw my head in that.

[73] You're wrapping around with this, right?

[74] It's pretty biblical.

[75] And all these pussies, you think how many women us Alpha Mills would have?

[76] We would just go and, like, I think I'm going to take your girl and just beat his ass.

[77] The problem with that is you can never fucking sleep.

[78] Those days, man, like the Mongol days and shit, like, you never sleep.

[79] You know, you would hear footsteps.

[80] You're like, oh, fucking great.

[81] You look out your window.

[82] There's a thousand dudes on horses going over the hill.

[83] Yeah, I wish a motherfucker would.

[84] I just didn't.

[85] But those Wish I motherfucker would days The Mongols They're fucking just shooting arrows No one has a gun They fucking launching people on catapults Those kind of fight To take a long time You know we got We don't have We don't have Maybe they just barely came with arrows Swords definitely But When did they figure out arrows Like all those Like the arrows are on the hieroglyphs Right So that's like 2000 BC At least Because I think The pyramid Is 2 ,500 B .C., I think they dated that.

[86] So I think, if you're talking about when was the invention of the fucking arrow, I should probably know this.

[87] I have bow hunt.

[88] I should know this.

[89] But I have no idea.

[90] I have no idea.

[91] It's a long ass time ago.

[92] It's a long ass time ago.

[93] Yeah, they figured out a few things first, right?

[94] They figured out, like, spears, and then they figured out catapults, probably.

[95] That was probably next.

[96] Bows and arrows.

[97] Tribusay, right?

[98] What is that?

[99] Isn't that a catapult?

[100] Like, a trebushet?

[101] That was called?

[102] A trebushet?

[103] Can you Google it?

[104] Trebushet?

[105] Trebushe.

[106] I'm saying it wrong.

[107] Trebuschay?

[108] That was a fucking quick Google.

[109] That's not bad.

[110] Trebus She, that's the original catapult.

[111] You're fucking telling me I just scored.

[112] God damn, son.

[113] Look at you.

[114] That's amazing.

[115] It's even spelled the way you pronounced it.

[116] It's perfect.

[117] All loose lip like trebusier with a mouthful of skull.

[118] What do you got there?

[119] What is that stuff?

[120] Copenhagen Longcut, Wintergreen.

[121] Is that stuff dangerous for you?

[122] I don't know.

[123] Probably not any more dangerous than marijuana.

[124] I don't know.

[125] Marijuana is not dangerous for you at all.

[126] How dare you, sir?

[127] I don't feel like that is either.

[128] But that stuff doesn't that, like, chew people's faces off and shit?

[129] Probably good.

[130] This is one dude who, uh, shows up at a little kid's schools to warn him of the dangers of chewing tobacco and his missing half his face.

[131] I remember that dude on TV.

[132] You look at bone cancer in his face.

[133] I don't mean to freak you out.

[134] Yeah, you're not freaking out.

[135] I'm going out with my boots on, baby, so, uh...

[136] Wow.

[137] So if it's face cancer from skull, you're good.

[138] If face cancer for school, I'm going to call up Red Bull and tell him, hey, I'm going to be the first guy to jump out of the astronaut thing you got there.

[139] I don't need to shoot.

[140] I'm just going in head first, so bring it on.

[141] Jesus Christ.

[142] That's my mentality, though, Joe.

[143] Like, if I got a car accident and lost a leg or an arm, I'd just tell him pull the plug right there, shoot me. I'm done.

[144] One leg?

[145] Oh, man, it'd be tough.

[146] It'd be tough.

[147] They've got some good prosthetics now.

[148] A lot of these guys that come back from Iraq and Afghanistan, they do marathons now.

[149] Poor little pink tank.

[150] It's incredible.

[151] Yeah.

[152] It's incredible, though, isn't it?

[153] It really is, man. But, God damn, it would be, yeah.

[154] You would be, we're real close.

[155] There's a couple, they sequenced the gene of the flatworm recently, and they're looking to try to figure out because the flatworms can regenerate.

[156] Like you cut them in half, they become two completely different flatworms.

[157] I think they also have the same memories.

[158] Like if one flatworm knows where the food is and you cut them in half, the both halves know where the food is.

[159] So it's very confusing to them because they're trying to figure out.

[160] out like what is that memories or is that just you know like years of it's good question i think specifically the what they know and the way they know it they believe that it's a memory some type of a memory obviously a crude memory but uh they think that they're going to be able to figure out within the next hundred years how to replace limbs that you're going to be able to regenerate the way a frog does or an alligator does think about that in next hundred years think about what think about this iphone six here in the next i mean nothing yeah it's a joke do you remember the flip phone and the T -9 texting.

[161] You were so happy with it, too.

[162] You know, back then?

[163] Speaking of that, do you know, I mean, you have kids, so do you remember when you were 15 or 16 and you had a call like, hey, Mr. Rogan, is, is Sarah there?

[164] Can I, 9 o 'clock phone off?

[165] You know what I mean?

[166] Those days are gone.

[167] Yeah.

[168] Our kids will never have to know the stroke.

[169] You don't have to take their phone.

[170] But do you even have a landline at home?

[171] Yeah, I got a landline, but it's useless.

[172] Never use it.

[173] Okay.

[174] So, I mean, most people are like that, right?

[175] I mean, you have a landline just like in case, but, you know...

[176] I have a landline because I live in the middle of nowhere, and that's the only way I can get internet.

[177] There's like a hamster runs on a wheel, and ever fast he's running, it powers up my Wi -Fi, and it's terrible.

[178] I can't even play...

[179] Oh, do you have, like, one of those satellite internet connections?

[180] It's a phone line.

[181] No. Oh, it's bad.

[182] No, like 56K?

[183] Like on those things?

[184] Yeah, it's like...

[185] You can't do anything better?

[186] If I wanted to download a podcast, I'd have to start the download before I went to bed, and maybe by noon the next day it'll be done.

[187] What?

[188] Yeah, I got like 48 -hour download movie time, so I got to really plan the movie I want for a flight.

[189] Netflix is ridiculous to you.

[190] Oh, Netflix?

[191] No, cannot load a Netflix.

[192] You know, they have satellite internet now.

[193] Not right.

[194] No, but no, you can get it all over the country.

[195] Really?

[196] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[197] Yeah, it's just like direct TV.

[198] They just point the dish at the satellite in the sky, and it's not fast as, like, fiber optic, but it's pretty fast.

[199] I want to look into this.

[200] Yeah, you got to get that.

[201] What I got going on is pre -biblical.

[202] Yeah, that sounds horrifying.

[203] You're living like a couple of decades ago.

[204] Yeah, I am.

[205] I am.

[206] And there's nothing they can do.

[207] They can't lay wires or anything like that?

[208] No. They don't have it out there in my area yet.

[209] I've tried.

[210] I'm going to look into that satellite game.

[211] Where are you at now?

[212] Edgewood, New Mexico, right on the backside of Santa Fe, Albuquerque.

[213] And you're there because of Jackson's?

[214] Because you could be close to Jackson's?

[215] That's why.

[216] Well, I moved to Albuquerque to help Leonard Garcia with the Roger Ward to fight, and I never left.

[217] I literally called my grandma.

[218] Hi, grandma.

[219] She's watching right now alive, so I give a shot to my grandma.

[220] I literally showed up for Linder for a week, and then Greg asked me to be his 55, and I never left.

[221] I literally, I had a house in Colorado.

[222] My grandma took care of everything, brought all my stuff down, and just drove, like, would slowly come visit me and bring things down.

[223] I never went home.

[224] Wow.

[225] It was wild, yeah.

[226] Why was it?

[227] You just liked it so much there?

[228] Yeah.

[229] You know, in Colorado, I was like kind of the, at the gyms i was kind of the kid that no one would put a name on like no one would claim me right i was like really oh man it was a hard time you know that's and that's and that's where the whole bmf ranch and like me giving back to people came from because i would drive here go here do this no one would put their name on me like dwayne i'd train with him but he would never put his name on me you know none of the gyms would like claim me i was just well i was a fuck up you know and it was that what it was just you're young crazy yeah you know and they were like this dude i can't have this guy fighting for me exactly he's just yeah he's loose candy too crazy too crazy so I went on to Greg he like took me in and like at that time George and Keith Jardine and Rashad it was like a family down there was crazy you know all of them were so welcoming and so I just I said this is it I'm gonna make my move and so you you train there but you also built this crazy ranch bad motherfucker ranch which is pretty awesome I love it you did that I love it so what made you decide to do that um well I I wanted a place where I could ride my four -willer, shoot my guns and all that.

[230] So I looked at the city limits and land that I got in Edgewood to buy in Colorado would have been out of control.

[231] Outrageous.

[232] So, you know, I told my grandfather, this is where I want to went.

[233] My grandfather said, done.

[234] I mean, on a phone call, my grandpa said, done.

[235] Is what you want?

[236] Got it.

[237] Drove down with cash in hand, bought me the property.

[238] Really?

[239] Oh, man, it was the greatest dude on the planet, man. So, yeah, and I started training there, and him, my grandma would come down, and you're going to get me fucking teary -eyed now.

[240] but uh you know it just it was like a dream for me and so now now i'm rooted and so i want to did you build out there was there a problem was there a structure already there there was a house right and we extended the house built the gym now i just built dorms which uh if you're going to build anything anyone listening uh make sure you get your permits because i of course didn't because i'm fucking idiot loser and uh wild so i got a big red flag notice on my door said need to get your permits done got a picture here you want to see it yeah i do want to say it so what do they do does it delay you any further because of red flags it's a cease and assist don't don't uh well they don't want oh jesus that is a red flag yeah whoa so i had to jump do notice to stop work notice to stop work bam so i had to jump the hoops you know go hire somebody not at the hiring one i had to spend all day had to go to the santa fec county and really like get everything in line show my plans blah blah blah blah blah pay the money and basically get the ball rolling for the uh for the uh for the permits i got it done now there's places out here like if you want to build something in like malibu near the ocean it takes fucking years and you got to go through all sorts of red tape and there's corruption and nonsense you have to deal with exactly so i just built it and i shouldn't have right i have a buddy who lives in tapanga he's under the coastal commission and he just said fuck it if they catch me they catch me and he just built all this shit to his house spent a fuck load of money in his house and just got away with it you know you can get away with it.

[241] You can.

[242] You can also get busted.

[243] You can also get busted with fucking wires hanging out of your wall, stop work, get fined, and then never get permits for years.

[244] So I tried to like, you know, let people learn from my mistakes.

[245] I'm kind of the learn trial by fire.

[246] That's kind of how I live my whole life.

[247] So how many dorms did you build out there?

[248] Um, well, as of right now, it's a glorified horse table.

[249] So, um, there's no dorms being built.

[250] Because of the work or stoppage.

[251] Stoppage.

[252] So I have to wait to you get a permit again.

[253] Yeah, so now it's a horse table because there is a horse table underneath, giant horse table, and then I built rooms that I'm probably going to paint in, holding my archery gear in.

[254] I got a whole bunch of beds that I need to store in a couple, and I got guys that come out that I'll probably store in some of those rooms with the beds.

[255] Do you think that this is like what's going to be your transition after you're done fighting that you'll eventually just run a camp?

[256] I don't know, Joe.

[257] I just, you know, teaching to me, like if you and I were doing something, I could show you something you had a problem with, but for me to, like, come in and teach a class to be really hard.

[258] I don't, I don't know how that fucking even works like that, but, you know, that's how it.

[259] What would be hard about it?

[260] Like, maybe getting a curriculum or having, like, something that I thought out, like, oh, okay, I'm going to teach this, this and this today.

[261] I don't, I just, I don't know.

[262] I see what you're saying.

[263] Maybe if you had somebody that, like, kind of organized it for you and you just came in and, or, you know, have guys like Henry or someone who's, like, a coach already.

[264] Yeah.

[265] Work with them.

[266] Like, Winkle John and Jackson work together.

[267] Sure.

[268] Absolutely.

[269] Yeah, I mean, I have a great, you know, Jafari and Super D Wrestling.

[270] One of my great friends and coaches, you know, he lives out there with me, helps me. He trains all the guys, and we got, you know, Henry training with the Thai guy.

[271] So we have a good, you know, good stable of coaching and just bringing guys in, man. Like I said earlier, I didn't know how many directions.

[272] So now when people come, I want to be the guy like they ask me, what do you do for sponsorship?

[273] Well, now it's three buck.

[274] We don't have a fucking choice.

[275] But before I'd have to be like, hey, these guys were no -go.

[276] They didn't pay.

[277] They didn't do this.

[278] You know, just like experiences I've had through my career.

[279] And what do you do for cutting weight?

[280] What do you do for this?

[281] What do you for that?

[282] It's just cool to be able to answer all the questions for the upcoming guys, you know?

[283] Yeah.

[284] It's got to be a cool thing to be able to help guys in a way that, like, you wish somebody had helped you, right?

[285] Absolutely.

[286] Because it's like a, there's a real, an area in the beginning of a fighter's career, especially, where they don't feel legitimate.

[287] And sometimes a guy like you taking him in and saying, hey man, like what you're doing with Felder.

[288] Right.

[289] You know, a guy who's a real talented guy.

[290] Very talented kid, yes.

[291] You take him in and then boom, all of a sudden he's legit as fuck.

[292] And that's what everybody's saying too.

[293] It's like everybody's saying, oh, he trains with Donald.

[294] Right.

[295] Oh, shit, okay.

[296] You know.

[297] I mean, that's kind of exactly.

[298] And there's a lot of guys that come that when you come, I want to be able to put my name on you, you know what I mean?

[299] So work with you, do you have the coaches work with you?

[300] Because when you say that you're from our stable, that.

[301] So I wanted to be, you know, a legit person.

[302] How did you hook up with Henry Smith?

[303] Through Baltimore, man. We just got a cross paths years ago.

[304] Where did he get the name, rude boy?

[305] What's that?

[306] Rude boy, moitai.

[307] I wish I had an answer for that, but I don't.

[308] I don't know.

[309] I don't have an answer.

[310] I like that dude, though.

[311] He's a great coach, too.

[312] Sure, sure, absolutely.

[313] Calm and smooth in the corner.

[314] Like, you can tell a lot about a guy and how he gives instruction in a corner.

[315] He's calm and smooth.

[316] He's like, can I please get this?

[317] Can I please get that?

[318] Thank you very much.

[319] But he also is very technical.

[320] He's real technical on his instruction.

[321] Like, as a guy who watches a lot of fights, nothing drives me crazier than when someone doesn't have advice.

[322] You know, and they're like, go get him, go kick his ass.

[323] That'd be like me, cornering Leonard.

[324] Fuck him up, Leonard.

[325] But for Leonard, you in the corner, like, that is kind of technical advice.

[326] You know, Leonard's one of my all -time favorite guys to watch.

[327] God damn it.

[328] He's a dying breed, man. You know, the firefighter, a dying breed, you know.

[329] And when Leonard was at his, you know, talking about retirement with me and everything, he's like, man, I just wish I could get a fight where someone would just stand there and fucking throw down with me. And I'm like, Leonard, brother, those days are gone.

[330] These guys are going to come in and take you down.

[331] He's like, yeah, but no, I think this guy's going to stand with him.

[332] I'm like, no, Leonard, he's going to take you down, you know, so that we'd have to go back and forth that.

[333] Then the kid would take him down, you know, because he hates wrestling and practicing wrestling.

[334] But that's where the sport's going, you know.

[335] Well, the sports going on this method that, like, in order.

[336] or this place where in order to win, you've got to be able to do everything.

[337] It'd be totally unpredictable, and you've got to be able to fight smart and not put yourself in danger.

[338] And Leonard was all about just throwing himself into danger.

[339] Peeling the stickers off the match with the punch.

[340] Right?

[341] Yeah.

[342] Yeah, he would throw him from the back of his calf.

[343] I loved it.

[344] I mean, but those are the fights you, I mean, the Jen's Polver and Leonard Garcia fight.

[345] Yeah.

[346] Wild.

[347] Oh, Leonard had a bunch of wild ones.

[348] He had a bunch of wild ones.

[349] Like, when it was over, you just started shaking your head like, God, what did I just see?

[350] So, the craziest thing, man, when I had the incident at Whole Foods, I don't know if you heard about it or not when I got punched.

[351] Yeah, somebody punched you, what, in the parking lot or something like that?

[352] All right, so I'll get it out now.

[353] So I'm walking across, texting on my phone, and a guy lays on the horn.

[354] And my girl's like, who is that?

[355] And I look up as, I don't know.

[356] She said, you don't know him?

[357] I said, no. We walked to the car.

[358] The car goes in parks like three spots down.

[359] And the dude gets up.

[360] He's like, what's up?

[361] motherfucker and I was like like me you're talking to me and he's like yeah bitch and I was like okay and then you smoke me in my eye blew my glasses on the floor now mind you I'm still in trial for the boat rage is that thing that's going on yeah the boat one was you head kick some dude right allegedly some dude got I'll get to that story after the story okay so anyway so my girl looks at me and burning fucking fire is raging out of my ears, right?

[362] And she goes, no, no, right?

[363] So I tell this dude, like anybody would, today's your lucky day.

[364] The dude's like, oh yeah, motherfucker, I bet, right?

[365] And then he hocks up again, to hit me again, I said, motherfucker, if you touch me again, I'm going to kill you.

[366] Like, like, I can't take two.

[367] I cannot take two.

[368] Right.

[369] Leonard's there, right?

[370] And so Leonard goes to hit this dude, and then, but he's like, oh, Bible, good, doesn't cuss.

[371] And he's like, frick you you know what I mean like yeah man he's like on this new oh bro he's like on this new so boy the fucking guy get lucky that guy got so lucky he probably thinks he's such a badass and we were in we just literally got training done training so we're in like training gear right we had the whole foods get some shit to drink and so he's like you want to be UFC fighters what the blah blah blah blah oh god man so uh that's got my car and drove away you don't know who that guy is I'm no clue Whoever you are, bitch.

[372] Whoever you are, bitch.

[373] You got lucky as fuck.

[374] God damn.

[375] That was your lucky day.

[376] All right, so anyways, boat rage, okay?

[377] Boat rage.

[378] This is what happened.

[379] We're up at Grand Lake.

[380] The reason I go to Grand Lakes is freezing cold.

[381] No one goes to Grand Lake to wakeboard because it's cold.

[382] People don't like cold water.

[383] Where's Grand Lake?

[384] Colorado, up in the mountains.

[385] Fucking super deep, freezing cold lake.

[386] But the water's beautiful.

[387] So this guy lived there.

[388] He's seen my boat.

[389] And he told, and the police is, He's seen us there the week before, and he called it massaging and making love to my boat because, yeah, as an expensive boat, I fucking take care of it.

[390] Wacked it, make sure it's clean, you know, you know.

[391] He's upset that you take care of your boat?

[392] I guess.

[393] That's what the police report said.

[394] So he, um, my buddy Mikey's fishing off the back of his boat, off the back of my boat.

[395] The guy comes in, woo, having fun, playing.

[396] He has like a ski -do jet ski boat.

[397] And he, uh, comes feet away and, like, sprays water up on Mike.

[398] He washes my boat up onto the rocks.

[399] Now, I got Cody Donovan at the time was fighting in the UFC In three or four other fighters, there's nine of us There was nine of us we were camping out for the weekend And Cody's fyrate like, fuck, let's go get him The girl settle us down, we don't, right?

[400] So later on about an hour and a half later we go I would go wakeboarding.

[401] Well, with my boat, you got to fill the ballast tanks up So you have to like kind of sit idle and let the tanks fill.

[402] So while we're sitting there idle in the tanks fill, he's down in the area So we're like sitting there letting the tanks feel he's like flexing his muscles from the shore saying which one of you plusies want something bro out of control so he gets in his boat and he comes flying up next to my boat completely lets go of his steering wheel and runs to the front of his boat and his boat just goes bink and hits my boat and I'm like oh my god dude what the fuck are you doing and he's like which one of you pussies want some shit oh my god we're like um what so everyone bickering starts happening blah blah blah anyways the dude says, you know what, fuck, I'm going to run my boat into your boat.

[403] He's like, wasted drunk.

[404] Tears off, flips a bitch, and comes beadlining for my boat.

[405] Now, had this not been the situation we were in, I would have congratulated this dude for the most epic fucking water spray I have ever seen thrown into another person's boat because at the last second, he cuts and throws the most massive wave that just drenches everyone's phone and just like, like, hit you like a tidal wave.

[406] And I was like, I was fucking pissed.

[407] So I drive the boat to the shore.

[408] And I get off the boat and I run about 200 yards down the shore, trying to get him to come to me. Because my girl stood up and she's like, that's fucking it.

[409] And that's all I had to hear.

[410] When I heard when she stood up and, you know, she's like, that's it.

[411] That's it.

[412] That's it.

[413] That was it.

[414] That's all I needed to know.

[415] Okay, that's it.

[416] So I try to get this dude to run to me. He does not.

[417] He comes straight from my girl, gets off his boat, putting his finger at her, you know.

[418] so I just walk right past step in front of him I just front keep him in his stumbling like set him down in the sand like chill the fuck out a lot of crazy gorilla pounding this dude in the sand is going to my mind right I don't know straying myself and the dude gets up and tries to hit me with the old sneaker right hand oh god so I just slip and I head kick him lightly Joe and I say lightly it was very lightly like just like a like a boom and sit him down and I'm like you motherfucker don't even know what the fuck I said he won't get up dude won't get up now so I literally sit down right next to him like you fucking I don't know what to do and I want to just drill just rip this dude's hard out right right I start backhanded him like blah why he's sitting next to him like shoulder to shoulder what a weird scene what a weird dude dude it's the only thing I can in the fit of rage I mean I can think to do like so Cody grabs me you know like enough's enough And as soon as I do that The kid rolls over Takes out his phone Takes a picture of me Takes a picture of my boat Oh God And he dials 911 And I was like good Call 911 You fucking idiot So the dude calls 911 I'll show up I said he has dude's drunk He says man I'm only drunk Because this dude embarrassed me In front of all of my friends So I had a drink To get over What had just happened What?

[419] Yeah How did you embarrass him By cleaning your boat?

[420] Oh no because I Head kicked him in front of his friends Oh but that But before that, the massaging and...

[421] Dude, so he had a lot of people with him.

[422] He had like a big camp group.

[423] So we go to court, we fight.

[424] It's like a two -year process I'm going through.

[425] All the guys that his with are their police statements match mine that he was talking about us all day, two weeks.

[426] He'd been chasing us down.

[427] He won a piece of it.

[428] So, I mean, it all got dropped and dismissed.

[429] But he tried to come out to me for 50 grand, and it was just unbelievable.

[430] Well, it's amazing how nice you were about it.

[431] A little front kick to the chest.

[432] To a baby, like a baby head kick?

[433] Yeah, exactly.

[434] Exactly.

[435] And what I just told you there is the same story.

[436] His people told him, it means I'm not exaggerating that.

[437] I didn't just haul off and beat him down, which I...

[438] I think I'm maturing in my...

[439] You are, you are maturing.

[440] I am.

[441] I mean, I'm not to tell you that.

[442] It's just amazing how people will try to sue over things like that.

[443] Like, that becomes, like, the lottery to them.

[444] Yeah.

[445] Do you know the two guys sued?

[446] People always ask, like, hey, man, can you take a picture choking me?

[447] Like, the UFC doesn't want anybody choking anybody in pictures?

[448] I've been told that.

[449] So I tell him no. Chuck Liddell and Matt Hughes were both sued.

[450] The Matt Hughes story is kind of hilarious because the guy asked Matt Hughes to put him in a rear naked choke for a picture.

[451] So Matt Hughes does.

[452] And then the guy says, hey, look, I got evidence.

[453] This guy choked me and he hurt me. So he tries to sue.

[454] Well, they do an investigation on the guy and find out the guy's a cop.

[455] And then they dig deeper and find out he's a dirty cop.

[456] And the dude winds up getting popped and goes to jail because of that.

[457] And the Chuck Liddle one, I'm pretty sure Chuck had to wind up paying something.

[458] Well, Chuck was one of the first ones.

[459] Three times.

[460] Three times have been sued.

[461] Damn.

[462] My neighbor sued me. For what?

[463] He said that my dogs attacked his horse.

[464] Did they?

[465] No, absolutely not.

[466] Somebody else's dog did, but I was his neighbor, so he said, mine, the guy just moved in, and his horse ran through the fence.

[467] Well, if you're any kind of a horse owner at all, you can't just move into somewhere and take the reins up your horse and let him go.

[468] We have no idea what the perimeter, you need to take.

[469] take your horse out and walk the perimeter.

[470] He lets his horse, and the horse runs through the fence.

[471] He said, my dog's chasing him to the fence.

[472] It was cheaper for me just to pay the guy off than to go to court and fight it.

[473] Oh.

[474] So it's just unbelievable, man. That kind of shit drives me fucking crazy.

[475] My old roommate, me and Leonard Garcia used to live in, we'd have guys come down for training camp.

[476] This lady got us good, man. When I bought this new house, we moved in, she then claimed suit us that we were sub -leasing our rent -out to our training partners.

[477] What?

[478] $12 ,000 that had to pay her.

[479] What?

[480] $12 ,000.

[481] What does she give a fuck?

[482] I don't understand it.

[483] She must have been hurting for money.

[484] So she was your old, she owned a house at one point in time?

[485] Did you know Ricky, he used to work for Jackson's, a great Jackson's guy?

[486] I probably would have I'd find some.

[487] Yeah, anyway, so the lady's hurting for money, right?

[488] She needs to, she's renting us house, her house, the house she's living in.

[489] I get Ricky buys her house from her.

[490] I tell her, hey, we'll move out now so you can move back in your house because you're foreclosing.

[491] So we make this all work, right?

[492] I work with the lady.

[493] She's a realtor.

[494] I use her as my realtor to buy my ranch.

[495] That's how fucking crazy this gets, right?

[496] So I use her, we do this.

[497] As soon as we get ever the paperwork done, she turns around and sues us for sub -leasing our rent out.

[498] And my grandma's honest, she can vouch for this.

[499] Fucking crazy.

[500] Yes, she said that the whole time we were there, we were having people come down to training and we're renting it out to them.

[501] and making money off of her property.

[502] Oh, Jesus.

[503] And, of course, I got the notices to go to court while I don't show up to court, so they passed the ruling.

[504] So, I had I went to court, I probably could have fought it, but I didn't.

[505] I was like, yeah, whatever.

[506] But even if you do, it takes forever.

[507] The problem with those things is, it's like these, like, do you know what a patent troll is?

[508] Uh -uh.

[509] Patent trolls are, they get patents on things.

[510] They buy patents, they own patents, and then they'll sue, like, a company like Apple.

[511] they were going after podcasters for a while and what they do is they'll they went after Adam Carolla for something some sort of patent and they went after a few other people but Apple had to wind up paying like seven million bucks or something like that because for Apple they have so much fucking money it's easier for them to pay off a patent troll than it is to address it in court and spend all their resources and you know they might like the UFC is doing this you know that antitrust lawsuit they're like this is going to cost them a hundred million dollars right in legal fees but it's either that or pay people off they'd rather spend the money they'd rather pay the legal fees yeah well because principal for them yeah well principal and also sets a precedent sure if you if you start paying out then other people start coming out of the woodwork but what's a weird it's a weird world we live and we could just sue over shit like that alpha brain son alpha brain son good for you you got that big ass on it package right I love it.

[512] I love the picture you sent of you with a balancing the mace on your chin.

[513] That's it.

[514] How'd you do that, man?

[515] Well, the balance of the mace was good, but the holding the fucking kettle ball while doing it was suspect.

[516] How the fuck did you pull that off?

[517] Because I'm fucking super athletic alpha fucking pimp.

[518] Okay.

[519] That's a good answer.

[520] I mean, I don't know.

[521] And when we were at Elevate, which is a straight conditioning, where you got sent a whole bunch of maces too and they're like you're gonna fucking knock your teeth out and I was like well then I'll be a toothless motherfucker but let's do this listen you you're constantly doing shit like that right like you constantly wakeboard in jumping snowmobiles over the top of cliffs wait el nino baby come on Colorado's gonna be unreal this year I cannot wait everybody's hoping for that yeah but I don't know if that's real I hope so they keep saying that though the way the temperature of the water at California's like desperately hoping for surfing it with when with nothing this morning It was great.

[522] It's warm as fuck.

[523] Warm, super warm.

[524] Well, they have yellow tail.

[525] They've had yellow tail all over the coast around Santa Monica and Malbu, which is, you know, usually you got to go out of the fucking Hawaii and get those.

[526] Sure, sure.

[527] So they're pretty excited about it.

[528] People think that this is going to change, but, you know, trying to guess what Mother Nature is going to do a few months from now.

[529] Unless you do the farm, fucking love.

[530] Then you could maybe clean them.

[531] How do those work?

[532] I have no idea.

[533] I don't know either.

[534] I don't know either, but they are damn sure on.

[535] They're damn sure on.

[536] What do they use?

[537] What kind of hocus -pocus are they using to figure that out?

[538] Maybe the Mayan calendar, I don't know.

[539] That didn't work out, though.

[540] We're still here three years later.

[541] We're fine.

[542] Here we are.

[543] I was convinced, dude, like way back in 2006, I was like December 21st, dude, 2012.

[544] It's all done.

[545] All done.

[546] So were you on the computer's going to crash at 2000?

[547] Oh, yeah, I was hiding.

[548] Yeah, when 2000 came around, I was hiding.

[549] I stayed at home, stockpiled water, the whole deal.

[550] I was listening to Art Bell.

[551] I didn't start stockpiling water.

[552] I have stockpiled food.

[553] I need to do the water Why don't you have a well You're out You're on the middle of nowhere But the problem is the well The well suck Well suck Not that good No I had a well in Colorado It was really good Well for you But if you have 20 people Come to your house And take showers They just can't keep up Yeah So you have to bring And then you water heaters And everything like that You gotta Well you're out there Like are you on solar No I wish I need to be I'm on propane Oh you really So here's the Oh no You have like a giant A giant fucking white tank One of those things Oh fucking Christ And if some asshole comes and trains at my house and forget to turn the heater off in the gym, $1 ,500 overnight.

[554] Oh, no. And then I come in the house fucking ripping and roaring.

[555] Who the fucking?

[556] Everyone's like, wouldn't me?

[557] Of course.

[558] $1 ,500.

[559] $1 ,000 to keep that.

[560] Propane.

[561] Especially in the winter, right?

[562] And the funny thing is the propane company is like, oh, you don't want to pay?

[563] We won't bring any more propane.

[564] We don't give a shit.

[565] Oh, God.

[566] So you have to.

[567] You got to keep warm.

[568] Yeah.

[569] Fuck that, dude.

[570] You should have a fireplace in that gym.

[571] Right.

[572] Who's going to stoke it?

[573] Today you're the stalker.

[574] Go split the wood and stocked firehouse.

[575] Do you have wood out there?

[576] Do you have like forest?

[577] No, no forest.

[578] We got cacti.

[579] Cacti, can you cook cacti in a fucking, not really, right?

[580] No, Bobby, goddamn wonder if you can get some pey out of it.

[581] I don't know.

[582] Well, you'd have to have a very specific cactus.

[583] Because we are, we are.

[584] San Pedro.

[585] Is that what it is?

[586] You know, I have no idea.

[587] But we're in the, that's where they do it in Young Guns.

[588] Oh, yeah.

[589] Well, not only that.

[590] Tint rock where they film, you're in the spirit road.

[591] asshole that's miles down the road for me that is where yeah that's um yeah that's where they you know there's only that's they only we're doing that for the last couple hundred years like everybody thinks that that was like thousands of years old no evidence no evidence that they were you the native americans were using peyote more than a couple hundred years but um who how do they how okay marijuana payote who what are they like let's just smoke this shit up how does that how does that who's the guinea pig on that it's a good question like peyote like oh let's just boil some cactus and oops now i'm fucking tripping so that was cool this is a real good question there's a lot of those things out there that like how the fuck did they ever figure that out like meth meth like oh battery acid and uh like cool let's fucking smoke this yeah gross cold medicine all you meth users out there ixnay boys yucky well there's very few good cooks that's why you know breaking bad made a lot of sense you know you need a real fucking chemist you need chemist but uh like the ayahuasca one is a crazy one they've been using that for like 10 ,000 years you gotta take the leaves of one plant and the vine yeah yeah yeah and they boil it down it's uh it's dm t in a in a drinkable form because otherwise dm t the only way you could take it is you have to i've experienced dm t in real life yeah we don't have my accident uh when my guts were hanging out of me i remember what happened with your guts so that's where i got this giant scar what is that i wrecked a wrecked a four wither and broke all my ribs Anyway, I was in the hospital flight Took the flight for life to the hospital And I remember laying there And laying in the gurney Had me striped down because I was a fucking lunatic And I remember tipping the gurney over And I had to throw up And I threw up blood all over this poor nurse And she like did this little weird Oh God, I just got blood thrown up on me Action And then I remember they set me back up And it was like the most peaceful Feeling like everything was just okay like no pain fucking like dying was okay as stupid as that sounds and crazy like it was just it was just okay I felt the best ever felt my life wow it was like supernatural man it was crazy like I was in so much pain like so I'm in the goddamn ambulance and there's a new guy in there so my lungs are punctured so this huge needle and the guys tell him the other guy how to fucking because I guess you puncture your lung and then you're air comes back right and the guy's like walking the new guy through and I was like fuck no like I'm like you know I can't really say fuck no but um yeah I was like no you do it yeah don't get the new guy to work on my lungs not today not today motherfucker so but anyway I tip the gurney over so much pain and they write me back up and everything was just okay it like went like a crystally blue haze and I woke up like two weeks later, strangling my grandma.

[592] Two weeks later.

[593] So you were in a coma?

[594] Yeah, well, like a medical induced, yeah.

[595] Wow.

[596] Maybe not two weeks.

[597] How old were you when this happened?

[598] It was 2006.

[599] June something of 2006.

[600] My grandma was, yeah, and I remember woke up.

[601] So you were already fighting in the WEC at this time.

[602] Were you?

[603] When did you start fighting for nine, 2009?

[604] So talk about me doing crazy shit that I probably shouldn't because I get hurt and I don't want to be able to fight.

[605] I was, I did this giant kickbox that he won a world title and I won a spot to go fight.

[606] in front of the king of Thailand, and I was supposed to leave that weekend that I went out racing motorcrossing.

[607] Wow.

[608] So I missed that fucking boat, but, uh, hey.

[609] Well, that boat is not very, there's not a lot of money in fighting for the king of Thailand anyway.

[610] No, but I mean, so the kickbo, the only reason I got into fighting was because, hey, I love, it was like my favorite thing to do, and the whole world still is, but I would just see the world.

[611] They'd call me, and I was the guy they would call, you know, everyone talks about taking short notice.

[612] I was like, Calby, you're crazy.

[613] Like, man, I used to take fights on three days, and I'm taking on my, four weeks now i'm fucking good so they'd call me i was their guy they'd call and be like hey we need you in japan um it's wednesday we need their saturday and i'm like cool let's go and i'd go and fucking me my buddy mike baldwin who's like my best friend still to this day who comes to everyone my fights would get off the plane hit rapungi i don't know if repungi is like yeah the party and i would i remember sometimes i was so hung over for weigh -ins that i'm like trying to like drink gatorades and recoup my brain just just to fucking Just to weigh in.

[614] Just to square up, just to weigh in.

[615] That's hilarious.

[616] Yeah, so those, I mean, and fighting, which is something I did to pay for my trip to go see the world.

[617] Right, right.

[618] So fun.

[619] Those days were, I mean, I still live today, you know, fighting me. People make such a big deal.

[620] I see, like, Felder is a perfect example, man. They take it so serious.

[621] Fighting is not that serious.

[622] Felder takes it too seriously?

[623] Too serious, man. That's one thing I try and teach these guys like, man, you drink beer, you fucking alcohol, you piece of shit.

[624] This is what I hear all the time.

[625] Yeah, so what?

[626] I drink beer.

[627] I love to, I like to drink beer.

[628] Cold, refreshing, bud, why I was you?

[629] You got that, you got that, man. I like to drink beer.

[630] I like to have a good time, but people take it too.

[631] They quit their life.

[632] Eight weeks.

[633] They're like, can't eat that, can't do this, can't go out.

[634] I have this huge fight in my life.

[635] How is it the biggest fight of your life?

[636] I mean, it's the same, like this Dosanios fight coming up January or December 19th, the Orlando, Florida, World Title, biggest fight of my life.

[637] God damn, right, I'm going to drink beer and fucking have a good time.

[638] And probably get there 10 days early and go wakeboarding.

[639] and go to Epcot oh my god why not so you're just going to treat it like it's any other part of your life yeah because back in the day when I used to fight he'd be on two three days notice I had nothing to worry about it's just a fight I love it but would you worry about an incident happening like the incident that kept you from going and fighting for the king of Thailand I mean that's that's the real I mean the big thing is to win the title right the most guys when they get to your position they kind of start playing it safe that's the difference between you and a lot of these guys because a lot of guys are wild in the beginning sure but then somewhere along the line they start realizing the consequences and the stakes and they start playing it safe yeah I just ought to play it safe kind of guy yeah I could go I could go wakeboarding the week of the fight and blow my knee out sure I'll probably still fight with a blown knee sure just tape that bitch up and see what's up just a couple shots of jack get a quarterstone a couple shots of jack I was thinking of cortisone well there's all sorts of shit that they can do now to sort of help you a little bit short Short term, but blown out knees, never a good time.

[640] No, no, I mean, I've had a couple blown on knees.

[641] How many, have you had any surgeries other than the stomach?

[642] No, no surgeries.

[643] That's amazing.

[644] Yeah, in fact, in front of the, before the, my last fight, I was supposed to get an MRI on my knees and I had an MRI of my chest because my fucking ribs were so separated.

[645] And I made it very crystal clear to the UFC.

[646] I will go get this MRI.

[647] but regardless of the outcome it comes I'm still fighting is that okay with you guys and they said yes so I was like fine they wanted you to get an MRI yeah you wanted to get it they wanted me too they wanted you to get it so you were complaining of some pain maybe or you were realizing there was something wrong yeah I had like my chest was super separated like I couldn't even take a brain just pop pop pop pop like my solar plexes so uh went to Dallas and I went and trained with some kids in a gym and a dude threw a knee with no shimp pad and just crushed me in my solar plex and like separated it bad so what fight was this for the lot the medeschi fight so really yeah the last fight damn the one it was supposed to be with kabid that he pulled out for the third fucking time so that guy gets hurt a lot his knees are all fucked up fucked up well a lot of those guys that are fucking err like cane right a lot of those fucking guys are super strong mentally just ridiculously aggressive those guys wind up blowing shit out like cane's blowing out his knee He's blown out of his shoulder.

[648] Both shoulders had surgeries on him.

[649] Fuck.

[650] Yeah.

[651] That style of fighting, especially that intense grappling style.

[652] Right.

[653] Like, there's way less injuries in kickboxing and in stand -up striking.

[654] Like boxing.

[655] How many fucking fights get canceled in boxing?

[656] It's rare as fuck, right?

[657] Very rare.

[658] Very rare.

[659] How many fights at Mayweather said, oh, I can't.

[660] Yeah.

[661] Almost, I don't know.

[662] I can't remember a big fight ever.

[663] I mean, it would have to be something severe.

[664] and usually it's like during strength and conditioning training or something, you know, or running or something maybe.

[665] But it's very rare that someone pulls out of a body or they'd have to break their hand or something like that.

[666] But it's rare.

[667] But in MMA, God damn, it's common as fuck.

[668] Well, there's so many weird scrambling situations that you get involved in you know, within you bring in guys to train with and sometimes those guys that's the other thing, what you just said, the bringing in guys to train with.

[669] Man, I think that is one of the biggest mistakes that guys make is that these young guys They bring into camp.

[670] They don't even know these guys.

[671] These guys try to make a name.

[672] Look at...

[673] If you brought me in to train with you, Joe, I'm fucking you up.

[674] Right.

[675] Yeah, you want to.

[676] I'm not going to let you beat me down.

[677] Especially if you're coming into a champ's camp or a guy who's a high -level guy who's well -respected.

[678] They want to say, dude, Donald Serroney came into blah, blah, blah's camp and fucked him up.

[679] Oh, shit, really?

[680] I mean, that's what happens.

[681] So you need to...

[682] You got to have your friends.

[683] You got to have your friends.

[684] A lot of guys do it the right way.

[685] Like what you're doing at the bad motherfucker ranch All those guys are family, right?

[686] Yeah, absolutely.

[687] And that, speaking of family, like, Felder, people are like, Kelly, you want him to lose.

[688] Like, the fuck I do.

[689] What does him losing do to me?

[690] You can't respond to those people.

[691] God, they can't.

[692] I live at 6th, Calman, Edgwood, New Mexico, any of you motherfuckers want to come.

[693] You can't, you can't get involved.

[694] What that is, you're opening yourself up to the retards of the world.

[695] Oh, my God, bro.

[696] Yeah.

[697] And, you know, at your stand up, you talk about the people that comment on a YouTube video.

[698] Yeah.

[699] I feel the same When I people say dumb shit to me I'm like you are a YouTube commenter Well they could be children You know It could be young kids Or it could be morons I'll post a picture of something Like surfing and the people are like Connor's gonna kill you Well bitch first of all he's a 45er Okay you know I want to just Just get on there and see all kinds of shit And it's just like Oh my God You gotta pick who you communicate with Like say look like you and I know each other This is Jamie Jamie's a good dude.

[700] If you want to have a conversation with Jamie, he's not going to say anything retarded, but he's right there in front of you.

[701] Now, if we were just random people talking to rant, you never know.

[702] You might run into a good dude like Jamie, or you might run into some complete fucking idiot that you would never talk to in real life.

[703] But in text, they all look the same.

[704] They all look the same.

[705] It all looks the same.

[706] A guy can say some shit in a full sentence and, you know, and pretend that he has a point.

[707] God damn it, I'm going to start drinking, too.

[708] All right.

[709] We're going to have to I'm getting fired up now Are you cracking open in a nice cold refreshing Budweiser?

[710] I am I am Donald Serrani, American Budweiser I just don't think it's wise To communicate with people that are just insulting online I don't ever go back and forth I used to do you know how many Why do you drink that fucking piss water Disgusting beer Comments I get That's not bad Budweiser is not bad And then I reached back and back Oh yeah They pay me every month to drink that fucking ice cold Budweiser.

[711] I like Budweiser.

[712] I love it.

[713] I like all kinds of different beers.

[714] I used to be a bud light guy, but now I'm a bud heavy.

[715] I'm a mud heavy guy, but I like a Sam Adams.

[716] I like a Guinness.

[717] I like a dark beer, but I like a Budweiser too.

[718] It's like I like I like water and occasionally I like whiskey.

[719] So you talk about Guinness, dark beer you heard of snake bite?

[720] Snake bite?

[721] Yeah.

[722] So snake bite is Guinness, half Guinness and then half like an apple, like an apple logger.

[723] Oh really?

[724] Oh that's nice.

[725] Snake bite maybe.

[726] No. What's that shit that we drink black butte porter that shit's good got this dark beer this dark black who makes that black but who's a company that makes that google yeah yeah yeah the chutes brewery how awesome is google now because no one can bullshit you could have told me mm -hmm 20 years ago you're the best wrestling in the world and i'm like oh you are i know wow you won state seven times you wrote and took worlds whoa how many martial arts guys uh uh no no you didn't no you didn't No, you didn't.

[727] Actually, you've never even wrestled.

[728] See, how many martial arts guys were like that, though?

[729] All the one that wore the Rex Kondo fucking badass pants.

[730] The Rex Kondo is a fucking American flag pants?

[731] American flagpants are the shit.

[732] Yeah, it used to be there was a bunch of guys that claimed to be in...

[733] Do you ever know who Raphael Tori is?

[734] You ever hear about that guy?

[735] No. He was a guy who was a writer for, like, one of those online magazines.

[736] I think Abu Dhabi News hired him and he turned out to be a fake black belt and wound up killing the guy wound up killing like he was dating a girl and she was married to some dude killed a dude for the insurance money, got busted, the whole deal craziness, right?

[737] In jail now for murder.

[738] But before that, he was claiming to be a black belt but he set off a bunch of alarms like he would go off to Thailand to have these fucking no -holds, barred fights and come back and yeah, I got him in a twister in the first round.

[739] Everybody was like you just learned that like last week.

[740] It was real weird But one of the things he did That was hilarious is This dude claimed to be in a No Rules Kumete in the woods So he had his friend drop him off He brought a big ass duffel bag Right?

[741] Like this big?

[742] He had his friend drop him off He's like drop me off And come back again Get me in a couple days, right?

[743] So his friend drops him off He goes off into the woods And his friend comes back In a couple days And now he's got a trophy No more fucking Duffel bag What the fuck?

[744] The trophy's the same size As the duffel bag Like, Dune comes back without a scratch on them.

[745] It leaves the camping gear.

[746] I mean, but that's the kind of shit that people did.

[747] You know, they were people who were retarded, they really would pretend that they were involved in these no -holds barred contests and they were 150 and O. Right.

[748] Like, remember the early days like Hicks and Gracie, they would say 400 and O. Sure, sure.

[749] You imagine if you had 400 fucking fights.

[750] God damn, you've got to fight a lot.

[751] You have to fight like every couple days for years.

[752] Sounds like my high school days You'd have to win all of them too That I did not That I did not Yeah well those are important The losses are some of the most important ones, right?

[753] Those are the ones that really make you get back And fucking dig in That burn you, burn your soul Yeah, absolutely Absolutely To this day Are there any losses that just fucking When you get up in the morning You think about that one and it makes you just want to go running?

[754] You know, more or less, the guys that talk about the Diaz fight, tell me all the time, Diaz will beat your ass.

[755] Nate?

[756] Nick, the Diaz brothers have the most incredible following, almost as incredible as the Connor McGregor following, the Colts.

[757] It is unbelievable.

[758] So they tell me all the time, you'll beat your ass again, like, all right, well, bring his ass on because I'm ready, whatever.

[759] Well, you fought Nate, right?

[760] And the Nate Diaz fight, like, it seemed like you were having a hard time in the first round.

[761] Like, you had a hard time getting started.

[762] Like, that was a fight where, like, that dude talked a lot of shit to you.

[763] Your boy, Cowan.

[764] And it seems, is he, is he contacting you?

[765] He just said he's still there.

[766] I told him, come crash this motherfucker.

[767] Where is he?

[768] I don't know.

[769] Oh, he's texting you right now?

[770] Yeah.

[771] Yeah, I was, oh, you were emotionally.

[772] Yeah, I'm not making it.

[773] He got in my head, and he got me. Yeah, absolutely.

[774] And that shit doesn't happen anymore.

[775] No, everyone tells me, Cronner's in your head, dishonest, and all the fuck.

[776] that was a lesson for you a super lesson man yeah don't don't you mean so let's let's take it back you're talking about rex condo this guy right oh you see all the movies that people said don't fight out of anger right right they say that for reason i mean yeah so when i fight out of anger i mean that i was just i don't know what the fuck i was doing i was just i suck that night and that's all there is too no excuses the motherfucker beat me did you just get caught up in it like caught up in the the emotions of like all the shitty talk to he knocked your fucking hat Tall, God.

[777] How dare he?

[778] Nate Diaz can talk some shit.

[779] I'll tell you what.

[780] You know what, but as much as he talked, I like, like those guys.

[781] I like them too.

[782] I really do.

[783] I mean, because there is no front on them at all.

[784] They are.

[785] What you see is what you like.

[786] If I were to run into the Diaz brothers out in the street, we are fucking throwing down.

[787] And there's no question.

[788] I mean, that's just who they are.

[789] Right.

[790] You know, so it's not like they put on this front, this persona that they're big, tough.

[791] No. right that's who they are 24 seven and yeah it's awesome to me you know i think i both of them i got nothing but respect for both so when you guys are all retired you'll have a drink together and be laughing i'd have a drink with them now yeah i don't have anything i don't have like any animosity or any anger hate towards either one of them i would definitely hang out with both of them you know and it sucks that fucking you know nick is in trouble with this whole marijuana thing this thing is awful it's awful it's awful and it just shows how bad the nevada state athletic commission is and they were angry because he took the fifth because he didn't want to talk about it.

[792] The fucking guy passed two world anti -doping agency tests, two water tests.

[793] There are blood tests.

[794] They're way more accurate than the fucking urine test that Nevada State Athletic Commission gave him with Quest Diagnostics, you know, and nothing against Quest diagnostics, but that method of testing is not as accurate.

[795] Right.

[796] So the dude was within the realm.

[797] I mean, he was legal.

[798] He passed, and they try to steal, they're stealing money from him, and they suspended him for five.

[799] five years they're a fucking kangaroo court that's what they are five years it's ridiculous at any job yeah i mean if i said joe you're off the air for five years you're fucking ruined man yeah i mean that's five you're irrelevant after almost a year about you yeah almost if you're not i mean he he he is one of the names in the sport absolutely but i mean five that five years he's getting older and i think he's like 33 or 34 how old is nick now hold on i want to say he's 32 at least right so five years he's fucking 37 and he's not doing any TRT he's not doing shit sure god bless him you know what I mean yeah God bless him he's 32 yeah I was right so five years from now it's over man dude when we were kids when a boxer like hit his 30s you're like oh he's 32 33 it's almost over we knew it was almost over sure but then the age of TRT came along especially with MMA things got real weird sure things got real strange like you started to see guys like 36, 37, like Vitor, having the fucking fights of his career, the best fights ever.

[800] You know, and these guys, the Diaz brothers, one thing you've got to say about them is these fucking dudes take care of their bodies.

[801] Yes.

[802] They eat healthy as fuck.

[803] Nick's always eating all organic food.

[804] He eats real healthy.

[805] He's constantly in shape, constantly running.

[806] If this guy's smoking pot, he's not doing mess.

[807] You know what I'm saying?

[808] I mean, he's taking care of.

[809] of his body.

[810] Absolutely.

[811] It's not like he's doing steroids.

[812] It's not like he's doing something that's making him freakishly fast or ridiculously strong.

[813] It's actually the completely opposite.

[814] Yeah.

[815] It's the whole thing is, it's so frustrating, man, that these clowns have any power over people like you.

[816] Right.

[817] It drives me crazy.

[818] It drives me crazy that people like you need these fools that have never been punched in the face.

[819] They've never been strangled.

[820] They've never fought a day in their life and they're the ones that get to decide what happens to you they're the ones who get to tell nick diaz he has to sit out for five years but they're the pencil pushers of america man they're the people that in high school didn't you know i feel like those are those are the guys that now they have something to prove now now now he's high and mighty you know and maybe you know but there's a lot of pencil pushers that are good dudes you know it's a good women it's not the problem the problem is people in positions of power that are accustomed to that position of power and then they treat it like they're a fucking king or a queen they're tyrants and that's what those people are my buddy Scott Parker who is it?

[821] Parks from the avalanche that he's been over 400 fights he just texting right now how dare he how dare you is that the Parks is that the uh the enforcer the enforcer he might actually have been the enforcer because those guys will fight all the time right he'll probably fight like two three times a week that's different huge he's huge he's my snowmobile and partner right so That's what I'm saying It's El Nino's the damn pump So I don't have you ever ridden a snowmobile But you get stuck in like five, six feet of powder And now you're stuck Right That big old sunbid's come over one hand And be like, rah, just rip me out Like go get it And I'm in there digging me out for like an hour And I'm like you motherfucker You big ass bitch show Yeah he's a good dude Came down, help me build the fucking ranch man He's a solid guy, solid as he gets That's nice man It's good to have good friends Especially ones that can lift a fucking snowmble And put a little bit Rack Pull it out fucker the world of professional athletes is so short that it's even more frustrating when someone gets like if you're an accountant and they suspend you for five years you know hey you could always get a job doing something else and then five years from now you get reinstated as an accountant but when you're an athlete you got this short window I mean I think Nick started a fight when he's 18 so you know he's 32 now he's got a few years left at max yeah max max Max.

[822] I mean, it's conceivable that he could come back at 37.

[823] Since he does take care of his body, maybe it's five years.

[824] It's a very tough comeback.

[825] Financially, what are you doing?

[826] Right.

[827] You're accustomed to a lifestyle that you've been fighting.

[828] I am, at least.

[829] Oh, for sure.

[830] I'm a super degenerate of my money.

[831] Everyone knows that.

[832] Yeah.

[833] So, I mean, if I were to, if something happening today, I don't know what I'd do.

[834] You would have to go on the road and start doing seminars, but you're, because of your style and because of Nick's style, you guys are both.

[835] really well -loved.

[836] Like if something like that happened with you, you could do seminars and make a few grand every weekend.

[837] Maybe not in Dublin.

[838] I'd have to go anywhere.

[839] Not Dublin?

[840] Once you guys fought, you could do it.

[841] If you and Connor fought and duked it out and had an epic contest, then you could do it, you know?

[842] I'm just a big stick in the line.

[843] Or if you beat them a couple times decisively, you'd have to beat them where they have to just give in.

[844] They'd have to say, all right, you had to beat them.

[845] You beat him.

[846] But if you're fucking cut down to 1 .45, you'd never torture.

[847] him fucking Connor he's like man I appreciate the fuck out of what that guy's doing he's getting eyes on the sport yeah he is he really pisses me up I feel like to tell him of course in the fucking press camp but I wanted to rip him so bad of course wanted to kill my one back you know what Connor you can blow me like a cup of hot soup you son of a bitch but blow me like a cup of hot soup how does that work you blow on the cup of hot soup is that what it is yeah okay I don't but if he just blows you like that that's that's why it's confusing the vernacular is really odd.

[848] Like blow job.

[849] I don't understand what I came from.

[850] It's very, blow me like a cup of hot soup.

[851] First time.

[852] First time.

[853] There you go.

[854] Yeah, I've never heard that one before.

[855] I've been around.

[856] It's funny.

[857] Floom me like a cup of hot soup.

[858] But the fucking guy, look, when he said to Dosangos, that shit was hilarious.

[859] Right.

[860] Like, you know, he's like, if you get a fight with me, you've made it.

[861] Yeah.

[862] You call to your wife, honey, put on the fucking red panties.

[863] We made it.

[864] come on I appreciate the fuck out of that dude his shit talking game is better than anybody he's the best ever I mean and Nick Diaz is right because you know like what his antics inside the octagon Nick's antics inside the octagon fuck with a lot of people's heads sure like the first fight with Robbie Lawler like I remember there's a first time I ever saw Nick talk shit it was the first fight with Robbie Lugger was dangerous so Nick took that shit talking to DefCon 5 and he got into the octagon And the first thing he does, he gets into the octagon, he looks over at Robbie.

[865] He goes, Stockton, motherfucker!

[866] Stockton, and he starts walking around, stalked him.

[867] And Robbie's like, what the fuck is he talking about?

[868] What does that even mean?

[869] Yeah, exactly.

[870] And then the entire time the fight is going on, like, what, bitch?

[871] What are you going to do, bitch?

[872] What are you going to do, bitch?

[873] And then he hit him.

[874] Oh, bitch, I just stung you, bitch.

[875] And he'd be popping him.

[876] And every time, Robbie Lawler didn't talk back to him, but you could clearly see he's not, he didn't anticipate that.

[877] But I don't, as far as Nick and Nate go, I don't know if that's, like, a game plan that they're, that's just, like, their real life.

[878] Like, I think if they were on a street, they'd be like, what, bitch, talk.

[879] Like, that's, like, that's, like, real -life talk.

[880] Like, that's what they know.

[881] But it's still, like, bitch, oh, like, that, that's, that's them, that's them being them.

[882] You know what I'm saying?

[883] But it is still a psychological tactic.

[884] It's an excellent tactic.

[885] And, and do you think?

[886] Anderson Silva, it fucked Anderson Silver's head up, dude.

[887] You know, some bitch laid out on the mat.

[888] Yeah.

[889] He laid down like, like, let's, like, he got to love him.

[890] And he's taking a nap, fighting the greatest pound -for -pound fighter in the history of the sport, and he lays down.

[891] And then he gets up with his hands down, like, what, bitch?

[892] What, bitch?

[893] It's fucking...

[894] And he didn't do any of that leading up to the fight, which was even more fucked up, because I don't think Anderson expected it at all.

[895] And then when he was in there talking shit to him, you could see Anderson just, like, moving around and not doing anything, frozen, and, you know, thinking about, like, there's a great thing around it, what, bitch.

[896] And Anderson had never experienced that before.

[897] man come on with it he is Anderson is the the greatest psychological fall I've ever seen in my career to witness him go from the guy who beats Stefan Bonner who steps his back up against the cage drops his hands is like come on go ahead and then moves out of the way and then decides all right now I'm going attack hits Bonner with a knee to the stomach drops him and then pounds him out and TKOss him and then looks like a guy in the fucking matrix I mean and then to go from that confidence to the The two Weidman fights, man, they did a number on him.

[898] They did a number on him like I've never seen before.

[899] It's fascinating to see.

[900] It's fascinating to see how a guy could be almost just unbeatable.

[901] And then Weidman after the second fight, I mean, you've got to think about the second fight, Anderson broke his leg, right?

[902] Sure.

[903] Wideman didn't knock him out.

[904] He broke his leg.

[905] I mean, he had him hurt bad in that first round.

[906] But then after that fight, Wyman was like, you know what?

[907] I don't want to fight him again.

[908] I don't want to hurt him.

[909] Like, whoa.

[910] Like just for Anderson to hear that It's got to be like that's a mind fuck man And I mean you're coming up I mean The mind is such a motherfucker Like if you could just get Your mind to do what your heart wants to do Life would be so much easier Yeah I think like there are so many times in the cage Like Right Right And I don't know if my brain knew what my heart was trying to say But That's what I wanted to do You know and it's so And then you You, fuck, bro, I can't even put words on it, you know?

[911] It's crazy.

[912] Do you do any mental training?

[913] Do you do any meditating or any visualization?

[914] Hey, do you fucking ice cold Budweiser, brother?

[915] What are you talking about?

[916] God damn it?

[917] No, my fucking fight is a fight, but I probably maybe should.

[918] I mean, but it's in this sport, it's not like guys I was telling Blake Griffin Day.

[919] Like, hey, man, you have a bad day, you fall back and let your team pick up.

[920] I have a bad day.

[921] I'm the worst fighter in the world.

[922] My Twitter feed is just nothing but you pussy, you fucking die.

[923] Well, there's a difference between a guy losing a basketball game too and getting shit on by the fans.

[924] All you have to do is stay offline for a couple days.

[925] You know, and you hit that three -pointer to win the game and you're a fucking hero game.

[926] Again, back up.

[927] Yeah, you're back up.

[928] Yeah.

[929] But for a fighter, man, especially because fighting, like when a kid, or especially an idiot, looks at a fighter, they look at something that is so unattainable, they might as well be talking to a unicorn, you know?

[930] They might as well be talking to a God.

[931] They might as well be talking to someone who's not even real.

[932] So they feel like they can talk shit to you because you're not even real.

[933] Did you say God and something real?

[934] Like you're not even real.

[935] I like it.

[936] Yeah.

[937] That's what I'm saying.

[938] You know, like you're Apollo.

[939] You're fucking Zeus or something.

[940] You know what I'm saying?

[941] It's like you are not, they don't relate to you.

[942] And when they're writing this thing, they're sitting there, their fucking keyboard getting crazy.

[943] Oh, man. I don't know what I just did.

[944] I think I might have deleted something.

[945] So, I mean, the crazy thing about fighting is if you and I were to go out and fight right now, there's no emotion, there's no thought, it's just fucking get it.

[946] Right.

[947] But now December 18th, I have this entire time.

[948] This big window to think about it.

[949] And the problem, it's not the fight that bothers me. Nothing at all.

[950] And I think I speak maybe for all fighters.

[951] I don't know.

[952] I don't give shit.

[953] But it's, I got my grandma sitting ringside.

[954] I got all the people I meet along the way that, you know, I've met and I've interacted with.

[955] It's hung out.

[956] And in their mind, when they talk to people like, oh, yeah, I'm going to Cowboys fight.

[957] He's going to fuck this dude up.

[958] Like, you know what I mean?

[959] So, like, the precedent is so high.

[960] Like, winning.

[961] The pressure.

[962] Unbelievable.

[963] So it's like, do you talk to those people leading up to that fight?

[964] You know what you should do?

[965] I don't even know if it's talking to him or if it's just knowing they're there and knowing that they're there and knowing that they're, I mean, the pressure is unbelievable.

[966] So when you're in that fight and they're like, are you ready, are you ready?

[967] And sometimes you're like, fuck.

[968] Fuck, no, I'm not ready.

[969] What are you talking?

[970] Are you kidding me?

[971] No, I'm not ready.

[972] There's never going to be a time when I'm ready for this.

[973] No, no, no. I'm not sweating.

[974] I'm fucking, my heart's pounding on my chest, and they're like, bang, and you're like, oh, shit, fake it until you make it.

[975] And it's time to, you know, it's unbelievable, man. And you've got to go out there and is he ready?

[976] Sometimes he's looking across to him, and he's like, he doesn't look ready.

[977] But he hit me, you know what I mean?

[978] Like, it's something nice.

[979] Right.

[980] And some of those times when you're sitting in the corner and you look across, you look across, you're like second got him check i can see it i broke him i got it sometimes you look cross you're like i don't know what is this dude gonna come out really hard in the third like it's so it's crazy like uh the eddie alvarez fight third round come out he came out i was like oh hush hey man hey man hey man slow down you know what i mean like so it's it's there's so much mind shit that goes on like i said but i can get my fucking mind do what my heart wants to do i feel like i can be anyone in the world but the problem is is being ready on game day man it's so tough but listen to me Why don't you do any mental preparation?

[981] I did, I tried.

[982] I tried to meet mental people.

[983] I don't fucking do anything.

[984] That's all hokey -pokey.

[985] Fucking.

[986] Hokey -poky.

[987] Turn yourself around.

[988] That's what it's all about.

[989] You know, I feel the mental game is so hard to grasp because, yeah, Henry Smith and Jafari are calling out what I should do.

[990] Right.

[991] I see what I should do.

[992] Right.

[993] If I don't do it.

[994] You just, I'm like frozen.

[995] Right.

[996] I'm like a stick in the mud.

[997] Right.

[998] But do you think that, like, okay, like when.

[999] When you're in the heart of battle, okay, let me ask you this, when you're at your best, like, let's say in a particularly impressive fight, like the Jim Miller fight, the Jim Miller fight, you were on fire.

[1000] You just look, you look so dominant in that fight, and you look so focused, and you just, your combinations, your distancing, everything was on point.

[1001] When you're in that zone, right?

[1002] Right.

[1003] When you, like, right before you stopped him, what is in your mind?

[1004] Are you empty?

[1005] Are you blank?

[1006] I mean, are you...

[1007] I'm going to be a fucking thousand percent honest with you.

[1008] I'm like a video game.

[1009] in a third person.

[1010] So I see myself from behind my head playing myself.

[1011] How fucking, that's the lunatic of my brain talking.

[1012] But that's how I see the fights.

[1013] Right.

[1014] I don't see the fight, me fighting you.

[1015] I see it from like a helicopter view above my fucking right shoulder.

[1016] Whoa.

[1017] And I see it like when I'm in the zone and I'm, so you know what I'm in?

[1018] So you're not emotional.

[1019] I step back and I do this like little hop and that like puts me like, then I like go behind.

[1020] I'm fucking dialed in.

[1021] ding ding everything just flows right and i see myself out of body this crazy is that fucking sounds right from like a third party well it's i haven't heard it before from anybody else but it doesn't sound crazy because i think what you're talking about is it's not you like you're outside of you so i'm out i'm literally outside of me it's like i'm telling that person what to do from right outside perspective so when you're at your best like that Would you say that you're like the Dunham fight the entire gunnum fight the entire from bell to bell the Dunham fight.

[1022] I was outside.

[1023] I mean there wasn't a there wasn't a point we touched I remember clear they'll seeing myself run across and touch gloves and it was fucking on like deep deep what was the fight before the Dunham fight?

[1024] So do you think that because of the Dosangios loss like you you got more focused more intense and then came out in the Dunham fight and you were just on fire?

[1025] Fuck, I wish I had an answer for that.

[1026] I don't know.

[1027] I mean, I totally underestimated that Dosanjos.

[1028] It fucking will not happen again.

[1029] He's gotten a lot better.

[1030] That guy works hard.

[1031] Good.

[1032] You know, I know he's your adversary and you're fighting him.

[1033] But when you're at your best, would you say that you don't have any emotions at all?

[1034] You're zero, right?

[1035] Zero at zero, yeah.

[1036] And then when you're frustrated and you're in a bad place, you're battling your emotions, trying to calm them down, right?

[1037] Absolutely trying.

[1038] Yeah, it's like I'm, I'm, like, trying to find second gear.

[1039] Right, yeah, right, right.

[1040] You know, it's like, it's the worst sound in the world.

[1041] You know what I mean?

[1042] That's what it fucking feels like.

[1043] Right, like when I'm, just, I try, grinding, grinding, grinding, like, go, motherfucker.

[1044] That's, and you talk to yourself.

[1045] Fucking, you fucking pussy, go, go, go.

[1046] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1047] And that's what's like going through my mind.

[1048] Like, I'm, I can't find it.

[1049] I just can't find second gear.

[1050] And when you're in that place, it's the most frustrating.

[1051] The absolute most frustrating, man. There's nothing that means like, what do you do?

[1052] Well, do you think that it's possible that through mental training and through specific techniques, you could get better at achieving that what you would call maybe like a flow state?

[1053] The same way you got better at being a fighter.

[1054] Like think about your first days of fighting when you first learned Muay Thai.

[1055] You know, you weren't, like, I'll tell you when I first saw you.

[1056] I first saw you when you were on the tapout show.

[1057] Sure.

[1058] Because it was like, who is.

[1059] this wild motherfucker hanging out with masks until he's throwing head kicks but the cool thing about you I thought you um you sort of you were uh the personification of an idea that Eddie Bravo and I both had and that idea was if you get a guy who's a really good kickboxer but also has a really good guard right they're fucking super dangerous because they're not worried about getting taken down so they throw those kicks freely so you want a lot of your early fights by submission off your back correct Because, yeah, I've just, well, for one, my wrestling was zero.

[1060] Right.

[1061] So, I mean, it's not like I was like, oh, just kick freely and defend, and they just take me down.

[1062] But as fun as you were to watch back then, when I first watched you, you are a lot better.

[1063] No, no, no, no, you're a lot better now, right?

[1064] Sure.

[1065] You're a lot better now.

[1066] So you got better at that.

[1067] Do you think that you could get better the same way with your mind?

[1068] Absolutely.

[1069] Don't you think that you should practice that, though?

[1070] I should.

[1071] I should I'm gonna work on that I'm gonna work on that I think if you had a coach that could work through that with you so you talk about this mind right and there's been times when I've been hitting pads and I fucking just go into flow state you're in the zone I go into it yeah it's like oh fucking I've seen you do it I've seen videos if you do it and then two days I'll go by and I don't see it three days a month right that's how it goes though right but then sometimes it's like And it, dude, it is like, it's like a drug, man. I think that state exists in everything.

[1072] I think singers experience it.

[1073] I think all sorts of basketball players, all sorts of different athletes experience that state.

[1074] And it's all about trying to find that state.

[1075] That state exists in stand -up comedy.

[1076] That state exists in, and I think in everything that's difficult to do, there's a time where you zone into it.

[1077] Zone in, man. Or zone out.

[1078] Yeah, whatever it is, whatever it is.

[1079] But it only comes if you've dotted all your eyes.

[1080] crossed all your teas.

[1081] You have to have no worries at all about your preparation.

[1082] Oh, no, no, no. Right?

[1083] That all has to be absolutely, yeah, you know, and I, yeah.

[1084] Right.

[1085] There can't be any fucking...

[1086] Do you think that drinking has any effect on your physical performance, or do you think that you do it at a level where you're not fucking with your endurance?

[1087] Well, that's the thing.

[1088] I think people think that Cowboy just drinks fucking 12 pack a night, but that's...

[1089] Like how many beers you drink on a regular basis?

[1090] With dinner, a couple.

[1091] If I'm out with friends, a couple, you know, we'll put the six -pack down.

[1092] Maybe graduate 12 -12 -pack, I don't know.

[1093] But we're engaging and having a good time.

[1094] Right, right.

[1095] This is a rare moment.

[1096] Do I sit at home and drink alone?

[1097] No. Absolutely not.

[1098] You're a social drinker.

[1099] I hang out with my friends.

[1100] I'd have a couple beers, you know, at dinner.

[1101] But a lot of times, when you're training, you're sore.

[1102] You come home, you know, you roll.

[1103] You're like, oh, my God.

[1104] You want a beer.

[1105] Yeah.

[1106] Did you put two, three beers down?

[1107] You're like, fuck.

[1108] It tastes so much better.

[1109] So much better.

[1110] Ice cold beer after training is one of the best.

[1111] Actually, it's good for you, too, because there's something...

[1112] They say it's better than chocolate milk, right?

[1113] Well, it's up there.

[1114] As long as you don't have too much of it.

[1115] There's like a point of diminishing returns.

[1116] They say that, like, I guess it's the hops or whatever it is.

[1117] It can replenish the glycos in your body.

[1118] You know who was a glucogen?

[1119] Glucogen, whatever it is?

[1120] You know who was a big believer in that?

[1121] One of the best ever.

[1122] Boss Routon.

[1123] Right.

[1124] Boss Rooten never stopped drinking.

[1125] It goes, hey, I have a drink or two every night.

[1126] night well he did eventually because he you know sort of developed an issue yeah where you know he's getting a little crazy with it but when he was training you know he would have a couple of beers at night and he didn't stop having it i mean sometimes i'll drink two three four nights in a row and i'll go i won't have a beer for a week two weeks i don't know you know you know and i'm gonna tell you the problem with drinking okay are you ready for cowboy's philosophy on drinking i've been ready forever all right so me and you have a six -pack We roll the dinner six -pack Leaves to a 12 -pack Leaves to us drinking shots Leads to a staying up to 2 in the morning Right And what do you do at 2 in the morning You chase pussy Right So now you fucking find a girl You go home She plays the I don't want to give you The pussy game Until 6 a .m. I don't want to give you the pussy game This sounds very rapy So finally at 6 .7 a .m. You do your deed Right Finally Now I got training at 930 I don't make it Right.

[1127] So that's where I feel alcohol.

[1128] Yes.

[1129] But if I have four or five beers, I go home, go to sleep.

[1130] Is I going to affect my train tomorrow?

[1131] I don't think so, not at all.

[1132] As long as you have water, is you not dehydrated, all that jazz.

[1133] Yeah.

[1134] Do you watch your diet?

[1135] No, absolutely not.

[1136] Absolutely not.

[1137] Well, Floyd May, where they ate burgers?

[1138] 49 and 0.

[1139] Yeah, I mean, I just, I eat whatever I want.

[1140] I drink whatever I want, and that's my life, man. So you never, like, you don't have, like, a Dolce guy or something like that, it monitors your Dolce guy How dare you How What's wrong with the Dolce guy?

[1141] Nothing's wrong It works great for Rhonda Apparently But It does Works great for a lot of people Right No I don't I can't have you Telling me If you said Cowboy Don't drink that beer You can't eat pizza The pizza The peter I'm gonna eat a whole pizza Yeah I'm gonna fucking cry Because pizza's like sex Bad pizza or good pizza It's still fucking pizza Brother But is there a way You could have Like the best of both worlds Is it a way that you could, like, figure out how to give your body the best fuel, and maybe it'll give you a little slight edge on it.

[1142] That's going to help a little.

[1143] You know, supplements will help, vitamins will help.

[1144] I don't take supplements.

[1145] You don't take any vitamins, nothing?

[1146] Nothing.

[1147] How old are you now?

[1148] 32.

[1149] Around around 34.

[1150] I could, I mean, my friends can definitely preach for me. I don't take, I don't take shit.

[1151] Nothing.

[1152] Nothing.

[1153] No protein powders, nothing.

[1154] I use a little bit of medicinal marijuana on the fucking knee.

[1155] the CBD oil You know what you should do with the knee It's a fucking stem cell injections Are incredible man Cormier had one He was like that close to surgery He had a stem cell injection in his knee And fixed him right up The yeah I mean I Ronda's apparently thinking about it She had one of her judo coaches Just had stem cells done in his name So you're steering me away from medicinal marijuana No I want you to do that too Both Do that too but don't do it as much as Nick Diaz No I don't If you do it, refuse the urinalysis, the urine test.

[1156] No, I didn't, it was like a rub.

[1157] Like a, I was in Colorado.

[1158] I got a...

[1159] Oh, yeah, they have creams.

[1160] A cream is exactly what it was.

[1161] It was like a cream.

[1162] Like a, I think it was like a 50 to 1, 50 to 1, 50 to 1, 50 % to 1.

[1163] I got some of that chip, but I'm scared of it.

[1164] Bro, I put it on my knee.

[1165] I didn't feel.

[1166] I didn't, I mean, there wasn't any...

[1167] No, there wasn't.

[1168] It was only like 1%, 150 to 1.

[1169] Oh, so it's all CBD and very little THC.

[1170] Correct.

[1171] Oh, I see.

[1172] And, dude, a week of it And my knee felt great.

[1173] What's one of the best anti -inflammatories Non -deamblean.

[1174] So, and, but I don't, I mean, I don't smoke weed.

[1175] I don't shy on people that do.

[1176] I don't give a fuck you do whatever to hell people, you know, make no difference to me. I just wish I could be unhigh.

[1177] Have you ever been like, like, I used to get high when I was a kid.

[1178] Right.

[1179] And I'd be like, fuck, I'm done being high.

[1180] I wish I could be unhigh right now.

[1181] Kind of like, if you drink too much and you're spinning and you try to put your foot down on the floor.

[1182] Like, I wish I could be unflaught.

[1183] fucking drunk right now.

[1184] Same same kind of deal.

[1185] I wish, you know.

[1186] Well, it's like everything, you know, a little bit of moderation.

[1187] It's good.

[1188] A couple toots just a little bit, hang out with the girlfriend, make a little kissy -kissy.

[1189] It's the best.

[1190] I mean, one of my good friends, Eric Bonacamp, that's why he would smoke religiously every day.

[1191] And I used to lay Harvard floor.

[1192] So I'd, like, give me, let me hit that thing.

[1193] And the next you know, I'm over in the corner, fucked out of my mind.

[1194] Like, God, I just want to be on high right now.

[1195] You don't have a tolerance for it and you're jumping right into the deep end of the pool.

[1196] You need swimming lessons.

[1197] Right.

[1198] You'll learn how to hold your breath, breathe in, breathe out.

[1199] There's a lot of shit that goes into that.

[1200] I've had a lot of friends that like, let me see what the fuss is all about.

[1201] And I'll go, okay, listen to me. This shit right here?

[1202] There's glass tips, okay?

[1203] Smell this.

[1204] What?

[1205] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1206] They use glass.

[1207] Glass at the tip.

[1208] Take a smell of that.

[1209] Just smell it.

[1210] Smell it.

[1211] Just smell it.

[1212] See that?

[1213] That's not to be fucked with.

[1214] No, you don't fucking do.

[1215] No, that's not to be fucked with.

[1216] You can smoke it, but you've got to be fucking careful.

[1217] This looks like something that I would find out on Colfax in Colorado, like a crackhead.

[1218] Crackhead, yeah.

[1219] Well, you got to deal with this thing.

[1220] If you're handing me this, Joe, I'd be like, I know, right?

[1221] Well, usually you use paper at the end of it, but glass is better than paper.

[1222] And it comes in a fucking bitching little, you just spark that bitch up right now?

[1223] I will if you want me to.

[1224] Do you want some of this?

[1225] No, I'm not going to, no. Okay.

[1226] I'll have a little.

[1227] Yeah, watch.

[1228] So vapor, cush vapor.

[1229] There it is, glass tip.

[1230] See, but I do this all the time I wouldn't recommend a hit like that for a That'd floor me, that'd be done Yeah, no, no, no, no, we'll confuse people It makes you anxious and freak out And it makes you confront all sorts of shit That you've been keeping in the back of your head But I confront that shit all the time So this is my friend Okay So when I dig in on this So I mean, like I said, I don't smoke weed I mean, I've done it, of course And we did a backpacking trip With a couple of buddies in mine And they brought weeds Of course I smoked it You know Backpacking weed Go hand to hand And I was in charge of the I was in charge of the GPS So where we were going I don't know But it was two miles As the crow flies Every every fucking time They asked me Where I was going Because we kept moving But the spot we were going to Stayed the same So everywhere we went It was It says two miles As the crow flies So I'm like Two miles as the crow flies It's such a fucking Mountain turn People who have never hiked They have no idea What you're talking about Right But that's the idea Of course Is that if you go down and then up, well, the distance between those points straight as a crow would fly is like a mile but you're going like a mile and a half, two miles, maybe three if you go all the way down and all the way up.

[1231] And you're still two fucking miles.

[1232] So every time where are we out?

[1233] I said there's two miles of the crow flies and they'd be like, you motherfucker.

[1234] Dude, I am amazed at how fucking tired hiking gets you.

[1235] Just climbing.

[1236] Especially with a fucking 80 -pack ruck on your back.

[1237] Yeah, yeah.

[1238] Dude, trust me. When you're especially in Colorado, Yeah, well, we brought all our rock climbing gear with us.

[1239] We had probably 30, 40 pounds of climbing gear a piece.

[1240] 30, 40 pounds of gear, and you're dealing with altitude.

[1241] Fuck, it's hard, man. Because we're traditional climbers.

[1242] We set our own anchors.

[1243] Oh, shit.

[1244] I mean, if you're going to do it, why not?

[1245] Well, I have this too long.

[1246] If you got to make your sphincter fucking come all the way to a BB, right?

[1247] Is that what you do?

[1248] You like to make your sphincter, like, really fucking clamp down?

[1249] That's the thing, right?

[1250] That's living.

[1251] That's motherfucking.

[1252] When you go to, when you're hanging out on one thing, and you go to set that bolt, and you don't know if you set it good enough because you're fatigued.

[1253] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[1254] And you got to clip the rope?

[1255] I'm sweaty hands just hearing about this.

[1256] I had this cat, Alex Honnold.

[1257] You know who he is?

[1258] He's like one of the greatest free climbers in the world.

[1259] You want to talk about setting your sphincter?

[1260] This guy climbs shit that most people don't even want to climb.

[1261] That's him sitting up there.

[1262] He climbs shit with no ropes.

[1263] And one time he's halfway up the mountain when he realized that he forgot his fucking chalk.

[1264] He didn't bring any powder.

[1265] So he's halfway up the mountain.

[1266] And I don't even like to do kettlebells.

[1267] without powder what do you do at that point just kind of give a little he just kept going he's an animal I mean this fucking look at what he's doing look at this look at this fucking angle we call that now today your pot fucking committed right when you're halfway you don't just climb down so his only option is where's the commode I gotta pee bad oh right out there go right out the door and take a leak I hear you dude yes I'll be right out fine without you um Donald is going to be fighting for the title in uh...

[1268] fuck is it?

[1269] December in Orlando, Florida.

[1270] And he's fighting Raphael Dosanjos, the guy who beat Anthony Pettis, who is one of the baddest motherfuckers in the sport.

[1271] So Dosangos is a beast.

[1272] It's a really big fight, a really important fight.

[1273] And it's a fight that, I mean, as much as he'll talk about how much he doesn't give a fuck and he's having a good time and everything like that, this is something he's been working towards for a long, long time.

[1274] But, like, while he's peeing, I can just tell you this.

[1275] Like, this is how this guy is all the time.

[1276] Like, he's not putting on a show.

[1277] He's a great guy, too.

[1278] He's fun to hang out with, man. He's always like this.

[1279] He's always like, he's always friendly.

[1280] He's always not.

[1281] Like, when you hear about him getting in fights with people, like, the fact that he barely neck kicked that guy, if a lot of people said that, I'd be like, please, you fucking teed off on him.

[1282] Like, I would have probably teed off on him.

[1283] But he really would, like, hit him nice.

[1284] Eddie Bravo and Ari Sheffield staring at me when I pee in there Ari Sheffield Ari Sheffir That's my buddy Mike Maxwell Made a bunch of Fear, Sheffield My wife My girlfriend's his name Sheffield So that's very different You think about Ari, you think about your girlfriend Things got weird That got super fucking weird Yeah my friend Mike Made a bunch of different pictures Of This is what Joey back there We've got to revise the Joey That Joey Diaz wanted to come out also good.

[1285] No, which one was he?

[1286] It's in the back.

[1287] It didn't work out.

[1288] It needs to redo that.

[1289] So, I just bought some new guns.

[1290] Yeah, I saw, man. So what is an integrally suppressed 300 wind mag?

[1291] So that's where the suppressor is part of the barrel.

[1292] The suppressor for people that don't know guns is a silencer that makes it really quiet.

[1293] Sounds like a faggot farting.

[1294] Really?

[1295] All you hear is in the fold.

[1296] And I have a 300 wind mag.

[1297] So you have a 300 wind mag.

[1298] Yeah, it's a motherfucker of a gun.

[1299] So.

[1300] so much kick um so this has very little kick too because it's zero kick so normally if you're people they shoot and a double tap bink right right right now you could do whatever you want that's insane insane so we are super super sonic rounds right which is it breaks a sound barrier that's illegal in california this gun i'm sure fucking everything's legal in california i have no idea but so they make sub sonic ammo subsonic ammo so you don't hear it right but we're shooting super supersonic animal and we'll adjust to prove a point.

[1301] All you could hear is the bolt.

[1302] Click, click, click, click, it's insane.

[1303] Bro, insane.

[1304] So the guy that came out to my house, it's Keystone Armory, plugging them right now.

[1305] Yeah, well, please do.

[1306] They would spit down the barrel because suppressors aren't made to get wet.

[1307] With that fucking gun.

[1308] How many rounds is that hold?

[1309] Dude, my 300 windbag is a bolt -action rifle.

[1310] I have the same one, right?

[1311] So it's a great gun.

[1312] It is, we were literally shooting it.

[1313] in my backyard and the guys across the street we called them over and they're like dude we thought you guys were just using your nail gun shooting building the house that's insane it's like cling cling cling cling so they have 9mm 45 and uh you can't it sounds like a pelagon you can't even probably can't even possess them in California which is really weird you know in Europe hunting without a silencer is rude like they all have suppressors because they don't want to hurt people's ears like they don't like it doesn't make sense that you You can hunt with an archery equipment, archery setup, which is totally silent.

[1314] You see that badass Talladega sure to happen?

[1315] Have you ever been to Talladega?

[1316] Never been.

[1317] Tell me about Talladega.

[1318] So fun.

[1319] Yeah?

[1320] Taladega and Daytona, if you guys are NASCAR fans or if you're not, you need to go, just experience the infield weirdness.

[1321] You know what I really like watching?

[1322] I like people turning left and then right.

[1323] I like a lot of movement in my racing.

[1324] I like that Formula One thing.

[1325] Well, let's not go around a lot.

[1326] Listen, Kevin Harvick is a dear friend of mine, number four all day.

[1327] And, but the best left turners on the planet.

[1328] Ever, ever.

[1329] Okay.

[1330] So, let's talk about this.

[1331] We're going here, okay?

[1332] So I show up to Michigan.

[1333] Michigan.

[1334] Kevin's racing, and I said, you know what?

[1335] How fucking good, how good could it, I mean, how hard could it be?

[1336] So I said, let's go to a go -kart race.

[1337] I'll fucking, I'll run with you.

[1338] Right?

[1339] So, p. Calls up the nearest go -kart track.

[1340] So we'll be right there.

[1341] We show up.

[1342] I said, where's the fastest cart and fucking badass?

[1343] Kevin says, Which one is the slowest?

[1344] This motherfucker was running laps around me in the fucking go -car.

[1345] And I'm a go -car going, motherfucker.

[1346] I feel like you're not going to beat me in a go -cart.

[1347] And he did.

[1348] He'd pull over.

[1349] He'd ever get to say, I'm a go -kart -going, motherfucker.

[1350] He'd pull over and wait for me to catch up and fucking catch me again.

[1351] It's all about how they, you know, when you're taking those corners and you hear, that means you're losing speed.

[1352] Right.

[1353] He just, I mean, it's - He just knows how to cut the lines.

[1354] It's fucking unbelievable.

[1355] Yeah.

[1356] Well, I would imagine.

[1357] Imagine, even to be just a guy who does NASCAR, you would have to be one of the top drivers in the world.

[1358] The difference is that I appreciate the shit out of it.

[1359] And women, Danica.

[1360] Yeah, oh, yeah.

[1361] She's a chick doing it.

[1362] She's hot, too, crazy.

[1363] It's like the Ronda Rousey of racing.

[1364] Except a Ronda's not hot.

[1365] How dare you?

[1366] What?

[1367] How dare you?

[1368] I say it loudly and proudly.

[1369] Oh, my goodness.

[1370] You have higher standards than me, sir.

[1371] I think she's hot as fuck.

[1372] You don't think she's hot?

[1373] I don't want to get into this.

[1374] We don't want to go there.

[1375] I like her too much.

[1376] All right, that's fine.

[1377] But when you watch Formula One racing...

[1378] Do you feel like that you have a biased opinion when you're commentating because you like her so much?

[1379] I have a biased opinion towards you, too.

[1380] Okay.

[1381] I do.

[1382] Next question.

[1383] I try to suppress it.

[1384] Next question.

[1385] Look, I try to suppress it, but part of being a commentator is if, like, Uriah Faber, I love that dude.

[1386] Right.

[1387] I think Yerai Fabor is a cool motherfucker.

[1388] I love talking to him.

[1389] Right.

[1390] When he fights, I have to put myself.

[1391] in a place where I don't think about that.

[1392] When TJ fights, I have to put myself in a place when I don't think about it.

[1393] I'll tell you what.

[1394] I hate to tell you this.

[1395] I love Connor.

[1396] Right.

[1397] I love that dude.

[1398] So my grandma always tells me she watches the fight and she has to put it on mute and then she has to rush the real fight.

[1399] She doesn't like me?

[1400] No, no, she loves you.

[1401] But she just likes to be no silence and see the fight in its integrity.

[1402] Oh, she should, you know, they should offer that.

[1403] Because you, Joe, are, to the fans, can weigh the scale.

[1404] I don't know if you...

[1405] No, I know that.

[1406] You say...

[1407] It's important for me to...

[1408] I try to be as objective about...

[1409] But I also have to be honest.

[1410] Yeah.

[1411] If something's happening and some guys...

[1412] But what you see sometimes, the judges don't agree with.

[1413] So sometimes...

[1414] The fans are heavy on the scale one side, you know?

[1415] I could be, but...

[1416] I think I probably am better at it than the judges.

[1417] Sure.

[1418] There's a real problem.

[1419] And that's an arrogant thing to say.

[1420] The judges suck.

[1421] They're real bad.

[1422] Did you watch, you don't...

[1423] I don't think they're fans.

[1424] This is the...

[1425] Bam -Bahey fight that just happened.

[1426] You know, obviously...

[1427] Yeah, I heard about it.

[1428] It sucked.

[1429] I heard about it.

[1430] Totally sucked.

[1431] I'm not...

[1432] I'm not even remotely surprised.

[1433] I haven't recorded.

[1434] I'm going to watch it.

[1435] You know, Bam -Bam's on...

[1436] You can watch it on Fight Pass, yeah, you know?

[1437] And Bam -Bam won the fight, but...

[1438] We've seen that, man. We saw that...

[1439] It happens all the time.

[1440] Fucking and Bramsey Nitcham's last fight.

[1441] And I believe...

[1442] With the Henderson and myself, first fight, I feel like I won.

[1443] You know, the third fight that we just had?

[1444] I don't fucking know, man. It couldn't, you know, that was...

[1445] I got to honestly tell you, I thought he edged you.

[1446] So, I just thought he edged you.

[1447] But it was a very close fight.

[1448] It wasn't a travesty.

[1449] Sure.

[1450] That was the immensely hard of had, and I'm, and I'm not hiding in any fact, you know?

[1451] Benson is one of the fucking best on the planet.

[1452] And you're one of the best on the planet.

[1453] It was a great fight.

[1454] I mean, it wasn't, there was, I mean, there was no doubt about it.

[1455] It was a super high level, very entertaining fight.

[1456] And Benson's coming down to help me train for this fight.

[1457] That's awesome.

[1458] I love that, dude.

[1459] So do I. He's got a great soul.

[1460] That's what he told me. He's like, hey, man, you got this one.

[1461] They gave me the first one.

[1462] Fucking go get it.

[1463] That's what he said to me. That's beautiful.

[1464] Right?

[1465] I'm glad he did that.

[1466] You know, I'm biased towards a lot of guys.

[1467] I'm biased towards Chad Mendez.

[1468] I love that dude.

[1469] I think he's a great guy.

[1470] I mean, but when they're fighting, damn, dude, I try to let all that shit slide away.

[1471] I try to look at it as objectively as possible.

[1472] So, like, in the, like, the Ronda, Bechco Hea, fight.

[1473] If Betch beat the fuck out of Rhonda in that fight, I would be calling it as if it was one of the most spectacular moments in MMA, even though I'm a friend of Rhonda's and a fan of hers.

[1474] God damn, she's good.

[1475] That was a Leonard Garcia Rhonda fight.

[1476] Yeah.

[1477] She just bit down in her mouthpiece and fuck that girl up.

[1478] Gave it.

[1479] And did it like flawlessly.

[1480] That fucking right hand she hit her with and then tagged her with the left that she's going down.

[1481] She's not winging shit.

[1482] She's throwing perfect clean technique.

[1483] Come on.

[1484] Those were winger.

[1485] Those are a chaos fight, but she's throwing clean technique, man. For her, it's a winger, but the way she landed the right hand, then as the girl's going down, she hits with the left, there's no wind up with that.

[1486] Be bing!

[1487] And she's only been fucking striking for a few years, man. It's a recent thing.

[1488] Because if it will, it will.

[1489] You know what, man, if you're one of those fucking people, like that girl's got that brain.

[1490] If you're one of those fucking people, she could be the best surfer.

[1491] she could be she'd find her way you know if danica patrick was the number one NASCAR driver she'd find a way to get in front of that bitch right you know what I'm saying sure there's some people out there that does like that girl doesn't have any loser in her she figures out a way to win winning her whole life her mother is a bad motherfucker too can you say that a mother's a bad motherfucker but yeah I say that I mean motherfucker is used as loosely as yeah cunt is for Australian or English English is a term of endearment he's a good I was with these wild Awesome Fisher he was just with me today And that's all he says You fucking cunt You chicky cunt You're chicken cunt You drive that RAM 350 You fucking cunt What's an RAM 350?

[1492] A ram 3 ,500 He don't know how I thought it was some kind of crazy Right no It's a ram A ram truck They don't even have those over there I have a buddy who lives in Australia Bro Is the biggest truck you can get Is like a Toyota Tacoma These guys are Tundra or something so and so we're at we're at a bar in Vegas that's all this they just tell these you go with hey you cunts and I'm like if I would say hey you cunts I'll get thrown out of the bar well worldly folks know that it's different to them hey barmaid hey barmaid bring them more round you cut oh it's you just I mean I don't know if you could understand him and I was like what is going on here did you tell him the cunt is different for us we had civilized folk we absolutely had the time here in the modern world They're living in the 50s over there.

[1493] It's like a John Wayne movie.

[1494] It is unbelievable.

[1495] I love Australia, man. I fucking love going there, too.

[1496] I'm looking forward to Melbourne.

[1497] I've never been to Melbourne.

[1498] Yeah, Colin Oak's fighting there.

[1499] Is he?

[1500] Is he fighting that card?

[1501] Fighting out of the ranch?

[1502] I like that dude.

[1503] Yes, Colin Oak.

[1504] Strong dude.

[1505] Kyle Milk, wasn't he a bodyguard to the crocodile hunter?

[1506] Yeah, he was.

[1507] Isn't that crazy?

[1508] We talk about it all the time.

[1509] You want to know even a crazier fucking story?

[1510] So Kyle Noke and Jonathan Webb just signed to the UFC, trained the Jonovan who had to be at the ranch came and trained Kyle for his fight the entire way Kyle's opponent got pulled out and they called Jonovan and had him take the fight whoa so they train for each other the entire fucking eight weeks oh my god and then fought each other Jesus Christ so they have to fight each other they did fight they did where did they fight in Australia who won that fight Kyle won wow damn that's hard right and Jonathan looked spectacular man it was unbelievable it was a crazy It was for all of us, like, coaching and internal guys, it was like, what?

[1511] But Kyle tells Jonovan, you idiot, if you don't take the fight.

[1512] You know what I mean?

[1513] They're giving you a fight in the UFC all you want to do, so you're stupid, some bitch, take the fight.

[1514] Wow.

[1515] And that's, I mean, that's...

[1516] Have you had that happen to you?

[1517] Other than Benson, I mean, I fought Melvin Galard.

[1518] Yeah, oh, yeah, that's right.

[1519] You trained with Melvin.

[1520] Many years, yeah, very many years, so...

[1521] there was some psychological warfare in that fight too sure because you you said that melvin used to quit in training you're like i'm gonna make him quit again yeah absolutely why not psychological war psychological on your friend too right on your friend who dogged dog but the son of it came out and whammered dammered me didn't he yeah he was a left hook son of the bitch we're all up here yeah was that the hardest time you ever been hit i think you said in one of those UFC countdown things that was the hardest other than other than Leonard training yeah I was one of Is that a training?

[1522] Jesus Christ.

[1523] The dude, rock on a rope, you know?

[1524] Other than that, but...

[1525] Rock on a rope.

[1526] That's hilarious.

[1527] Rock on a rope.

[1528] People don't know what you're talking about.

[1529] If you had a rock on the end of a rope and just swung it, that's the way Leonard throws punches.

[1530] Rock on a rope.

[1531] A rock on a rope.

[1532] Wow.

[1533] I mean...

[1534] You know, it was a great video where Connor, love him or hate him, is teaching when he's coaching this season in the Ultimate Fighter.

[1535] And they're doing these real specific...

[1536] drills and he said a cool thing that i think uh john kavanaugh says he said this is upgrading your software without damaging your hardware and there's two cool schools of thought right right there's that school of thought like fight smart train smart sure and then there's there's a school of thought where you ride jet skis over the top of cliffs the day before you fight oh we made weight let's go fucking swim with sharks you know like i mean that's that's your school of thought it's sort of a difference cool thought very much so yeah i uh how hard training sessions are you are you having in camp are you you guys going full out sure sure i mean some days some days not some days not so i may i may wake up on a tuesday like i'm not feeling it and i'll go fucking waitboard you just decided not train yeah i mean i got all the guys all my coach right there and they they've been with me for so long that they just say okay so you know a lot of people think that that actually is a smart thing that that's active recovery If I'm sore and I'm tired, I'll call it.

[1537] Today's not the day.

[1538] But you like to still do things, though?

[1539] Oh, yeah.

[1540] I mean, we go rock climbing, weightboarding.

[1541] Right, but if you think about that, like, so you're still working.

[1542] You're still moving your body.

[1543] Right.

[1544] You're not taking the day and just sleeping.

[1545] Man, there's been, I don't know how many days in my life that I've just done nothing but slept.

[1546] Look at today's day.

[1547] I got out of the plane and went surfing, trained old boy.

[1548] I'm here.

[1549] That's just your thing.

[1550] You're just always moving.

[1551] Running and a gunning, baby.

[1552] I love it, man. I love it.

[1553] I mean, that's just, that's my, that's how I'm geared.

[1554] I just have, I have, and my friends have to take breaks.

[1555] They tell me all the time, like, Cowboy, I got a week for you.

[1556] After that, we got a tag team somebody else in because we can't keep this fucking pace.

[1557] You're too much.

[1558] You go, go, go, go, go, go.

[1559] Like, there's days that I'll train, waitboard all day, and come back and train.

[1560] Wow.

[1561] And just, but you're enjoying it.

[1562] So you're getting a rush the whole time.

[1563] So the way I look at life right now is I'm retired now.

[1564] Because when I quit making money and it's time to proper retire, I'm not going to have any money.

[1565] So going to Fiji and go scuba diving.

[1566] Oh, what scuba diving?

[1567] My favorite thing.

[1568] I'm going 400 feet.

[1569] All you need is a good financial advisor.

[1570] All you need is someone who you trust to take care of your money and handle shit and make sure you always.

[1571] Say what?

[1572] And say what?

[1573] The goddamn money.

[1574] If you could just stay being Cowboy, this is what I'm saying.

[1575] Have you ever seen a Hirsch with a trailer hitch?

[1576] All right.

[1577] But if you just stay being Cowboy, we just need to figure out a way to get this out.

[1578] You don't ever have to work again a day in your life.

[1579] When you're done fighting, you're not going to be broke.

[1580] You just need the right guy to steer you.

[1581] You're a fucking...

[1582] I got my groundless.

[1583] I call her all the time.

[1584] Maybe she's the gal.

[1585] She is.

[1586] I ask her what I was doing.

[1587] She says fucking ride it until the wheels burn off the motherfucker.

[1588] You just need to let people know you're out there.

[1589] That's all you need to do.

[1590] I mean, what you've got, what you are, I mean, I'm not blowing you.

[1591] I'm retired now.

[1592] What you are is like what everybody wants out of their superheroes.

[1593] When you are what everybody wants out of there.

[1594] This is what I'm old as fucking I can't wait bored about trying.

[1595] When fans see a guy like, that's what everybody wants.

[1596] They want a guy who's just living like a fucking wild man and going in there.

[1597] There's something appealing to that.

[1598] There's something that's appealing.

[1599] It's called live a life like worth a lot.

[1600] living but there's something appealing to the spartan too right there's something appealing to the guy's willing to not have sex shout out all distractions put a fucking poster on his wall right down his goals some dan gable type dude who's just stoic and fucking never ending an indomitable spirit and this guy just doesn't do anything bad for his body hey brother you want to go fucking wakeboard with me he's like ah man i'm fucking in the zone and i'm like what's the the zone we're talking about when you're behind no that's not today that's just that's your fight we're just got some fun today and they don't and i said well all right i'm gonna go have some fun it's a balance right it's trying to figure out what's the best way to do it what's the best way to do it because like dan gable i brought up did you play football no never played football steered away from that shit okay so you hear the guys that are still 35 40 years old talking about that game right that they had yep i think that's what i search for every day you know like fighting is fucking, I love it.

[1601] I get six times a year.

[1602] If I'm lucky, this year, I get it one time.

[1603] So I think that's why I do the things I do because it gives me that feeling that I'm searching for, that's scared, what am I doing, oh my God, feeling.

[1604] Well, you like proving yourself and you like adventure.

[1605] And those are two things that a lot of people shy away from.

[1606] I mean, if you, you know...

[1607] Competition, if you came right now and said, you're better bowhunter than me, I'll be able to set the motherfucker targeter.

[1608] Right.

[1609] Let's go.

[1610] Let's do it.

[1611] You know, that's just, I mean, so...

[1612] Well, that's also, the only way you get good at anything.

[1613] True.

[1614] People shy away from that.

[1615] There's only one way you get, you surround yourself with bad motherfuckers who are doing exactly what you do and you force yourself to keep up.

[1616] And you all inspire each other.

[1617] That is the problem in this sport because I see that in the gym all the time.

[1618] You see the guys, sparring day comes or grappling day comes.

[1619] You see all the guys finding the guy they know they can beat.

[1620] They don't go after the guy that kills them.

[1621] Right.

[1622] Me?

[1623] I want you, motherfucker.

[1624] Right.

[1625] I want the, you want the toughest challenge?

[1626] Are you the baddest dude?

[1627] You want...

[1628] Let's go.

[1629] Fuck me up.

[1630] You want the one that's going to stir you up inside.

[1631] Yes, fucking burn me. Where you submit me three times and five minutes, not going to happen again.

[1632] Because, you know what I mean?

[1633] That's how I think.

[1634] You fucking fuck me up.

[1635] I'm calling my coaches like, I just got fucked up.

[1636] Right.

[1637] the top of your ability and there's that there's this there's a few guys that we all know that never quite reach the top of their ability like you hear about them in the gym they're fucking on fire they just have you know they have they have days with their world beaters and for whatever reason they don't ever get it together in the moment of crisis the gym heroes yeah right absolutely it's this sport is unbelievable man it's like it you guys you guys had to be able to go out there and fight at your best every single day and you have to execute under insane pressure that's the most admirable quality around about it you know like sometimes when i look around like that was one of the craziest things about ronda's fight was after she knocked out bechka her she just strutted around the cage and looked up at everybody just took it all in she's strutted she just face planted that chick on a straight out of compton ad okay i mean she really did which the movie was fucking unbelievable i didn't see the movie movie.

[1638] You ever see the movie?

[1639] No, I didn't see the movie.

[1640] It's great.

[1641] I'm sure it's great.

[1642] But the fact that she face -planted her on that and then just walked around that moment, like that moment, who the fuck understands that moment but her?

[1643] Who are you?

[1644] Or anybody who experiences it?

[1645] You know, the moment where, you know, think of like the Edson -Barboza fight when you crack him with that jab and then take his back.

[1646] Like that moment, when he taps and you stand up and the whole crowd goes fucking ape shit because it was chaos up until that moment, right?

[1647] He came out guns blazing.

[1648] Then you caught him with that jab he went down you got his back and strangled him that moment man when you so i knew in the in the fire in that moment barbo says he blinks but in that moment about 20 seconds before that moment i know i got him how'd you know because he hit me with fucking everything he had in the kitchen sink and when he unloaded bing bean bing bing bing bing kicked me as hard as he could and i just stood there and he looked at this corner was like now what i was like got you so wow so you saw a moment of thinking and a moment of contemplation.

[1649] I got it.

[1650] Like, gotcha.

[1651] He's a talented motherfucker.

[1652] Super talented, absolutely.

[1653] That switch kick that he was hitting Paul Felder with was the fastest switch kick I've ever seen in my life.

[1654] I've never seen anybody throw out like that.

[1655] Hard and fast, like Jesus fucking Christ.

[1656] Mark Henry and him...

[1657] Paul's a ginger, so it was shown a little bit more than...

[1658] He would be a black dude.

[1659] He could be black like Czech Congo.

[1660] You would have been impressed by that kick.

[1661] That kick was insane.

[1662] Right.

[1663] He's so fast, man. And his coach mark henry that's a guy who's like one of the most underappreciated guys in this sport and and after the fight they came and said man we we we studied paul to a team we took this fight so serious you know dude he's a wizard that guy he's an unsung he's like a really quiet guy he doesn't want a lot of attention but i i admire the fuck out of the way that guy coaches frankie edgar the way that guy like uh how about connor and frankie i love frank oh i love that have you ever seen have you ever seen the guy and he goes fuck you fuck you're cool And fuck you.

[1664] That's what I feel like what happened at the press conference because all he said to Frankie was you're welcome.

[1665] That was it.

[1666] Yeah.

[1667] So I felt like the fuck you, fuck you.

[1668] You're cool and fuck you.

[1669] That's what would happen.

[1670] That's what because Frankie the ability of level change that he puts with his box Oh, his pace too.

[1671] Love Frankie.

[1672] Frankie will set a guy You got to run an ultra -marathon with him.

[1673] You got to be willing to go to the depths of your ability.

[1674] And there's a guy that fought to 55 undersized and won the fucking title always crazy won the title undersized he was so much smaller than bj so much smaller than a lot of the guys he beat had those tough fights with henderson mean he's a minute that fight with cubs wants and i was like good lord that fucking pace he puts on people he's like he's taking it to the next level when i talk about guys who put paces like that wrestlers break you pace right nobody like frankie right now in the sport he's the he's the epitome of that style of fighting.

[1675] Maybe Weidman could show it to in some fights if he gets the right opponent.

[1676] How do you feel about the Wyman?

[1677] I bet he doesn't.

[1678] It's a crazy fight.

[1679] Rockhold's a bad motherfucker.

[1680] That's a crazy fight.

[1681] Rockhold.

[1682] Rockholds jujitsu is nasty, man. The way he controlled Leota Machita, I was impressed as fuck.

[1683] I was like, Jesus Christ, his ground and pound, his control on the ground.

[1684] He beat Leota Machita at every facet of the game.

[1685] And that was impressive as fuck to me. That was a high profile fight.

[1686] It was a big fight.

[1687] I, you know, That impressed the fuck out of me. You know, I think it's a great fight.

[1688] Wyman's a monster, man. What do you think?

[1689] You're laughing.

[1690] No, no, I...

[1691] Rockwell, is a dear friend of mine, so I...

[1692] I love that, dude.

[1693] I mean, he's out of Khabib's camp, is on the...

[1694] Yeah.

[1695] Yeah, about...

[1696] No, no. I know.

[1697] I like him.

[1698] I know about all that.

[1699] Great dude, but...

[1700] Well, Habib, you know, there's always going to be that thing going on between all you guys at the very top.

[1701] Sure, why not?

[1702] Stir in the pot.

[1703] But, again, like a guy like Habib, you kind of...

[1704] need that motherfucker.

[1705] That guy's, he's, like, a tank of propane out there for you, you know?

[1706] He's going to hit that gym, you know what I mean?

[1707] He's going to heat that gym.

[1708] I mean, that's the guy, like, because he's so fucking good.

[1709] I mean, you look at the way he manhandled Dosanjo, so I'm like, Jesus Christ, Habib Nirmagamatoff is a grappling motherfucker.

[1710] His wrestling, and someone, like, appreciates the guy's ability to impose his game plan.

[1711] Sure.

[1712] He impresses the fuck out of me. Absolutely.

[1713] That guy's a, a giant tank of propane for cowboy.

[1714] That's it.

[1715] What a crazy way to make a living, man. You got all these tanks of propane out there.

[1716] Anthony Pettis.

[1717] That's it.

[1718] He's another propane tank.

[1719] Oh, yeah.

[1720] Right?

[1721] Anthony told me, Anthony said, Cowboy, if you need me to come down and train you for Dos Anios, I hate that, motherfucker.

[1722] I'll be there.

[1723] Wow.

[1724] I said, Pettis, how might just hit you up on that?

[1725] Wow.

[1726] That would be a good thing, man. He can give you some insight.

[1727] I love that, dude.

[1728] So do I. I mean, again, with Pettis, I got nothing bad.

[1729] I really don't have anything bad to say about any of the guys up at the top, you know?

[1730] Well, you know what, man?

[1731] ultimately outside of you guys competing against each other, you admire what it, because you uniquely know what it takes to be in the position that an Anthony Pettis or Raphael Dosangos or Nate Diaz or, you know, fill in the blank.

[1732] All those guys, you uniquely know what it takes to be in, these are, it's a very small fraternity.

[1733] Sure.

[1734] Of guys at the elite level.

[1735] And your division 155 is just chaos.

[1736] Like that whole division, he's like, look at it.

[1737] It's just killer after killer after killer.

[1738] Absolutely.

[1739] Killer's coming up.

[1740] Fucking sharks just, That's what 155 is, like, someone throwing a goat in the water in South Africa and watching a fucking sea of sharks.

[1741] Get it.

[1742] Yeah, I mean, it's, so it's cool to see that you guys, you know, reasonably are friendly with each other.

[1743] Absolutely.

[1744] Considering.

[1745] So what do you think about your boy, the Irish Muppet coming up to 155?

[1746] Connor McGregor?

[1747] Yeah.

[1748] McNuggett.

[1749] What did you say about him about kicking the lucky charms out of his ass?

[1750] I said, he came up to 150, wow.

[1751] bend him over and fucking knock the lucky charms out of his ass.

[1752] I don't know how that works.

[1753] It's like blowing on a hot soup.

[1754] So you wouldn't believe the uproar of the Irish community I got from that.

[1755] What do you expect him to do?

[1756] I'd be silent.

[1757] I'd be more shocked.

[1758] What if they didn't respond?

[1759] I'd be more nervous.

[1760] I said, me talking shit about a leprechaun.

[1761] Right.

[1762] It's like you talking me bad about Santa Claus.

[1763] Like I would, like, oh, oh, you went there?

[1764] Like, come on.

[1765] You know what I mean?

[1766] What are you talking about?

[1767] their sacred guy.

[1768] It's like a unicle.

[1769] Yeah, I don't know what it is, but a leprechaun is.

[1770] It's a weird one.

[1771] It's fictional.

[1772] But it's totally, well, it is unless you take the right amount of mushrooms.

[1773] You can meet leprechauns.

[1774] So, I mean, to me, that's where it came from, you know.

[1775] Connor is the leprechaun sitting on a big old tub of gold.

[1776] He is, right?

[1777] He's got a pot of gold for sure.

[1778] So if you think I'm not going to come out of that pot of gold, I'm going.

[1779] Why not?

[1780] Come to 1 .55.

[1781] I got open arms, baby.

[1782] It would be a fun fight.

[1783] I'd love it.

[1784] I think he really struggles to make one.

[1785] 45 and I think with this new law where you can't use the IV you know when he fought Chad Mendez man at the way in he looked extremely drawn his cheeks were sucked in his body looked really small like eurya and him had some weird little altercation in the hallway right staged and it wasn't staged but yorea is not like he didn't want to fight in the street with him right before he's going to fight chad i wish a motherfucker would i know you do but but what Your riot said was that he said, dude, he feels really small.

[1786] Like, he loses a lot of weight.

[1787] I think he loses, like, close to 30 pounds or 25 pounds.

[1788] He gets up to, like, 170 in the normal, in the 170 range.

[1789] So, 155 is where he belongs, really.

[1790] You know, that's probably the healthy weight class for him.

[1791] And how do you feel about Aldo and him?

[1792] It's a wild fight.

[1793] It's a wild fight.

[1794] You know, I didn't...

[1795] I tell you what, man. Aldo has been around for so long.

[1796] This is a jumpy?

[1797] Just just jumping in.

[1798] We're jumping from guns to religion to pre -bivocal to...

[1799] We're just talking, man. That's how it goes.

[1800] We're jumping.

[1801] This isn't like a radio show or anything.

[1802] Like a kangaroo fucking Australian.

[1803] Cunt.

[1804] Yeah, fucking...

[1805] The whole thing, man. Budweiser?

[1806] We're in there.

[1807] Weed.

[1808] I think if you look at all well...

[1809] Calhens says he's locked out.

[1810] Did you lock the fucking door?

[1811] Callan's out there?

[1812] Yeah, I'm going to get him.

[1813] Is he out there right now?

[1814] Yeah, you got him?

[1815] Is it really?

[1816] Jamie'll go get him.

[1817] He said I'm locked out.

[1818] Oh, that's hilarious.

[1819] Tell him we're coming.

[1820] Yeah, don't worry.

[1821] I love this dude I'll give him a key shit he's done he's done podcast here without me he's one of the few guys him and Brendan Schaub they had a fight companion podcast but um what were you just saying what the fuck we were just talking about lepran oh no the Aldo fight oh look who it is ladies and gentlemen this sexy bitch my man Brian Callan has just unexpectedly showed up we have a big show tonight I said yes we do what time do we have to be out of here um we'll we're good man we'll leave here like in Ohio an hour or so fantastic it's just you and me it's like the show can't start without us that's true look at this we're doing tomorrow we're doing uh the ventura what is it the hong kong we're going to be at the hong kong in we got two shows 8 o 'clock and 10 o 'clock i think we're headlining the festival there's a festival i guess the ventura comedy festival you didn't even know you booked this is i let him book things why not how did he has money i know they pay us money what's going on buddy we're just talking about aldo versus mcgregor we're talking about aldo versus talking about uh he asked me what i thought about that fight yeah i i'm curious i'm curious about the sexy cow in the hammer sexy cow and the hammer what do you mean what you mean the sexy cow on the hammer nothing he's drunk it's a little bit it's code it's just a little booze well i want to know yeah i what do you think i think i think i think uh mcgregor's in his head he might be but he might not be although might be able to fight like a fucking assassin even under all the shit talking no one's ever shit talked him before so we don't know We don't know how he's going to fight, but we know the guy hasn't lost in 10 years.

[1822] If he, if you know the guy's been beaten some of the best guys of the world, and if you look at him when he's on point, you look at like his fight with Uriah, for instance, some fucking terrifying leg kicks.

[1823] Fast as shit.

[1824] Yeah.

[1825] Fast as shit.

[1826] And his jiu -jitsu, world class.

[1827] His jiu -jitsu is very high level.

[1828] You know, he beat Cobrina in regular jiu -jitsu, a regular jiu -jitsu competition.

[1829] He's a beast.

[1830] He's a very good fighter in all aspects.

[1831] I mean, one of the best ever.

[1832] I feel like he's in his head.

[1833] I know that trash talk wouldn't work on Don Soroni.

[1834] But we were talking about that earlier.

[1835] You're coming in too late for this conversation.

[1836] You already talking about this stuff.

[1837] We went over it.

[1838] We're talking about the Nate Diaz fight.

[1839] We're jumping.

[1840] We're jump in.

[1841] We're jump and we're jump and travel.

[1842] We're trying to travel.

[1843] I like it.

[1844] We're coming and go.

[1845] It's a great fight.

[1846] And also, I got to be honest, like I look at Aldo, and even though Aldo has been dominant for so long as one of the best fighters, he's had a lot of tough.

[1847] fights and those eventually will catch up to you.

[1848] It's like the Chad Mendez fight, the last fight was a really good fight.

[1849] It was like a back and forth fight and Mendez hit him with some fucking bombs.

[1850] It was a great back and forth fight and he tagged Mendez with a big shot at the end of the first round.

[1851] I think the buzzer rang and then he hit him like it was a little late.

[1852] It wasn't egregious, it was a little late and it fucked Mendez up and Mendez still came back and cracked him.

[1853] It was a back and forth war.

[1854] It was a very close fight.

[1855] Has Aldo fought anyone who hits as hard as McGregor?

[1856] Well, Chad Mendez hits pretty fucking hard, but I think Connor may have some special power, not like a magic power, but I think he's one of those guys that just really has super heavy hands.

[1857] He's also accurate as hell, right?

[1858] He's just very smart, man. The way he fights is very, very intelligent.

[1859] You know, I was joking around with Donald about his training methods that he calls it, him and John Kavanaugh's coast, they described it as upgrading your software, without damaging your hardware.

[1860] So they're doing all these really technical drills on hitting specific points but they're not like crushing each other.

[1861] They're just drilling it into the mind and getting, and you know, and Donald has more of a wild style.

[1862] Who's out there?

[1863] I feel like Donald's changed.

[1864] I feel like you stand in people's grill more now.

[1865] You just stand right there like you can give a shit.

[1866] You know how fucking cool this is?

[1867] Two of my favorite comedians in one fucking room.

[1868] I'm like, do you know how people will kill for the situation right now?

[1869] Donald Serroney was in the crowd when I taped my Comedy Central special in Denver.

[1870] Well, the first time I met Donald, he came.

[1871] I met him the night before, then he came, and I just saw his hat going back and forth as he was laughing.

[1872] I just saw your hat.

[1873] It was the greatest.

[1874] I had a nine -pack after I left the show.

[1875] Joe, you know what I'm going to do for you?

[1876] What are you going to do?

[1877] You have fucking VCT in your fucking bathroom in there.

[1878] VCT?

[1879] What is that?

[1880] The shitty cheap tile you got in there?

[1881] The tile?

[1882] Yeah.

[1883] On the floor?

[1884] On the floor.

[1885] And the shitty paintbrush job in there.

[1886] This is like a lease.

[1887] I'm going to come in here and fucking hook.

[1888] I'm not going to pull a permit, and I'm going to fucking...

[1889] Don't, don't do it.

[1890] And you're just going to lay.

[1891] I'm moving out of your hands.

[1892] I might bite the tile to cut it.

[1893] That's great.

[1894] I'm getting a new spot.

[1895] New spot.

[1896] It's a great spot.

[1897] Yeah.

[1898] Are you bringing the...

[1899] I'm never satisfied.

[1900] I have real problems.

[1901] I'm never happy with anything.

[1902] Maybe that's...

[1903] I'm the same way.

[1904] I don't know if I'm...

[1905] You're worse than me. I'm the worst.

[1906] Like, if I'm...

[1907] Always moving.

[1908] Almost happy with everything.

[1909] Unhappy with everything I do.

[1910] Yeah, I'm always that way.

[1911] Is that a mummy dancing with a wolf?

[1912] No, that's a girl...

[1913] A were a...

[1914] A were a...

[1915] That's exactly what that is.

[1916] I had a dream.

[1917] I wish I knew the dude who make that.

[1918] That's, that's, I hope you howl at the moon every time you're in that position.

[1919] That would be a big woman.

[1920] If you could grab the back of her shoulders like that, either have a whopper of a dick, or that's a really big woman.

[1921] I had sex.

[1922] I had an affair with a girl who was on the Canadian National Water Polo team.

[1923] Oh, Jesus.

[1924] She had a back on her, and she had a neck, and she, but she had a really nice body, and she was really pretty.

[1925] And her hands, go ahead, man, you're so strong.

[1926] You're not even drinking.

[1927] Damn.

[1928] Her hands, what threw me off was just the knuckles, the thickness of her fingers, as we would hold hands.

[1929] I was like, boy, I feel like a dainty young lady right now.

[1930] Do you know who Gabby Garcia is?

[1931] So what you're saying is your dick look shamelessly tiny in her hands?

[1932] No, no, he's a monster hog.

[1933] What I'm saying is her dick was way bigger than mine.

[1934] Kids got a hug on him.

[1935] I got a hug on me. There was a woman named Gabby Garcia that still is.

[1936] but she used to be overweight and she's like world jiu jitsu champion and she used to have this giant crazy face well she lost all her body fat and then i guess she might have had some facial surgery but all of a sudden she's a giant hot chick it's real weird she's got a full six -pack like pull up gabby garcia before and after i've seen her before listen she was a house i don't know what she did but whatever she did that took a lot of fucking work yeah because she like became like she went from being a big giant fat woman who's a beast at jujitsu but she was very overweight to be super slim like she always has these exposed middrift shirts and she's rocking this fucking ridiculous six -pack she's just six four six four fuck yeah Johnny Cash my dog's named Johnny Cash I love it How do you not jump in we're jumping against Where do you spend most of your time Colorado?

[1937] Yeah New Mexico but I go see I'm going to see Grandma tomorrow she's listening live right now Tell her hello Hey Grandma How are you?

[1938] You never know Let's say to grandmas.

[1939] You know what I mean?

[1940] Hey, grandma, how are you?

[1941] She gave me, she gave me the whole life.

[1942] So, so our grandma comes backstage.

[1943] See, this is what she looks like now.

[1944] That's what she used to look like.

[1945] That's impressive.

[1946] It's a different person.

[1947] Yeah, it totally looks like a different person.

[1948] She looks, she's pretty neck and the other one.

[1949] I don't know if she had facial surgery, but it seems like she did.

[1950] She is, she is just a true specimen.

[1951] Look at that.

[1952] That's crazy.

[1953] It's weird.

[1954] So you would.

[1955] She's giant, too.

[1956] I mean, she's like six foot four.

[1957] Like, there's a picture of her with Fador.

[1958] And it's like, holy fuck, she's so much bigger than him.

[1959] Look at her now.

[1960] See if you find a picture of Gabby Garcia and Fador.

[1961] It's like a real recent picture.

[1962] She's dwarfing Vandalai silver there.

[1963] Yeah, that was when they were on the ultimate fighter Brazil.

[1964] But here's the thing now.

[1965] Van der Leigh looks like she won him in a carnal.

[1966] That was only a couple years ago, dude.

[1967] It wasn't that long ago.

[1968] Yeah.

[1969] It just was really simple.

[1970] Really similar.

[1971] Recent.

[1972] How many beers have you had?

[1973] I've had a few.

[1974] Far right.

[1975] Far right.

[1976] Shredded.

[1977] Shredded.

[1978] Look at that.

[1979] That's her.

[1980] Look at that body, man. Look at Donald.

[1981] Yeah, that's a big girl.

[1982] Is that her boyfriend?

[1983] Oh, that's Fador.

[1984] That's Fador, dude.

[1985] I'm sure you.

[1986] Is that her boyfriend?

[1987] I hear he's looking good.

[1988] Well, he's back.

[1989] He's making a comeback.

[1990] He's going to fight in Japan.

[1991] The problem is there's no fucking opponents for him.

[1992] Yeah.

[1993] I mean, there's, I don't know who the hell else is like, Sergey Carat -I'll fight him.

[1994] Sergei Karatano.

[1995] How much time would you need to fight Fader on?

[1996] I might the kid and fat kid and, Dodgeville, pick me, pick me. How much time would you need to fight Fador?

[1997] Tomorrow.

[1998] He's amazing.

[1999] For real?

[2000] I have 100%.

[2001] He walked in right now, through the fucking ape getting fucked by a werewolf on the ground.

[2002] I'll get him and fuck Fador up, not a doubt in my mind.

[2003] Wow.

[2004] You just fight him.

[2005] Yeah.

[2006] I'm scared of Russians.

[2007] I'll say it right now.

[2008] So am I. I'm scared.

[2009] Why?

[2010] Because of ISIS?

[2011] For everything.

[2012] Do you see this new thing with Putin?

[2013] Putin took $15 billion from this guy, stole this guy's company, and then the guy's exiled in the south of France.

[2014] and now he's suing the Russian government.

[2015] He's trying to sue to get his money again.

[2016] This guy, they took $15 billion dollars on him.

[2017] He was like Putin's banker.

[2018] Wow.

[2019] He's like Putin's right -hand man for years.

[2020] And now this guy is like penniless.

[2021] 15 billion.

[2022] Yeah, he's penniless.

[2023] Yeah, he's penniless.

[2024] Well, I'd only say a billion seconds is 33 years.

[2025] The guy says that Putin is the most wealthy man in the world.

[2026] Yeah.

[2027] He said he has more control over more money than anyone on the planet.

[2028] He might not be on paper, but they're saying that he might be worth like, 200 billion dollars.

[2029] Well, he had because Russia is a one crop economy.

[2030] It's all oil.

[2031] Guess who controls it?

[2032] You don't do anything without that.

[2033] How does he do that, though?

[2034] How is he doing that?

[2035] Russian politics has always been that way.

[2036] It's always been run by a czar.

[2037] It's always been run really by a group of, you know, he used to be the Politburo, but for the most part, he's just doing what the old Russian model was, which was, get the biggest guns on my side, and I'll kill it.

[2038] But there's a story about...

[2039] But it's 2015.

[2040] I mean, isn't it crazy when you see a guy who's running, like, essentially, a complete undercover gangster organization.

[2041] It's a monarchy.

[2042] Yeah, dominating the entire country.

[2043] He apparently, when they were trying to attract investment in the 90s, the problem was American companies, German companies, French companies coming in, and these gangsters, these Russian guys had come in and go, hey, you got to pay us money.

[2044] And a couple of them said no, and they just shot him right there in the office.

[2045] So Putin decided this was going to be a disaster for any kind of foreign investment.

[2046] So Putin said, all right, well, I'm not a deal with this.

[2047] we know exactly where they are and when they were having the mafia guys hang out together in their own club houses or whatever he had these Spetsnaz guys guys show up in their vans they just show up in the middle of the day open up and just killed a shitload of them like 100, 200 and one day they had a moment of silence apparently before he had his before he had his whatever it was you know his meeting they had a moment of silent for the 200 citizens that were killed and they went on their business and that was the message to anybody who said you want to shake down foreign company see what the fuck happens They still didn't invest, though.

[2048] But he doesn't, he doesn't, he doesn't fuck around.

[2049] He's a scary, dude.

[2050] Donald Serroney, a fight him tomorrow.

[2051] Yeah, you would.

[2052] He's a black belt and judo.

[2053] Whatever.

[2054] I'm a black belt and street.

[2055] You're a black belt and everything.

[2056] And a hood.

[2057] Everyone's from a street.

[2058] I hate that expression.

[2059] Donald, if you had to fight.

[2060] Who's not from the street?

[2061] I was born in the metal.

[2062] I grew up in the river.

[2063] I'm not from the street.

[2064] I'm not for the street.

[2065] I'm not for the giant silver spoon in my mouth.

[2066] There's no roads where I live, bro.

[2067] No, roads.

[2068] I'm in the forest.

[2069] Who do you want to punch in the face more?

[2070] anybody on the planet.

[2071] Are you interviewing them or I'm mine?

[2072] I'm just curious man I'm taking over right now I'm taking over the guy from whole food shitty fucking question hey with your shitty questions the guy from whole foods it was a previous story because it got punched him you're like it's parking lot oh yeah you're fucking late you're talking that story what made you decide to come over here he just texted me oh why don't you tell me that you were texting him like I thought it'd be more appealing to have three well why don't you just tell me people in the world He's one of my favorite people, too.

[2073] He's making secret text while we're in the middle of a podcast.

[2074] He's calling.

[2075] Come on over.

[2076] Come on over.

[2077] Come crash this garden.

[2078] He said the door's locked.

[2079] He sends the one right in.

[2080] I'm locked out.

[2081] You want a key?

[2082] You can have a key this place.

[2083] Yeah.

[2084] Just to hang out.

[2085] Sure.

[2086] Okay.

[2087] Does people know about the badass werewolf you have outside?

[2088] Yeah.

[2089] There's pictures of it.

[2090] It used to be, before I got the pool table, it used to be the werewolf.

[2091] It used to be the werewolf was the first thing you saw when you open the door.

[2092] And I was like, I need to put a, go cam.

[2093] That was the first thing I saw when I came in.

[2094] I was like, Werewolf, pool, pool, table.

[2095] That thing is scary.

[2096] Do you play pool?

[2097] You might play pool.

[2098] I do have a pool table in the bar at the ranch.

[2099] I have a bar that I built.

[2100] I have every alcohol you could ever believe of.

[2101] Because I don't want ever someone to come out, yeah, kegs, boxes, cases.

[2102] I don't want you to come over for me this and I don't have it.

[2103] Damn.

[2104] That's a gangster.

[2105] See, this is, this gets to you psychologically because I know your background like how you grew up and you're like you're creating like this environment at that ranch that's not just like a training environment but a place where like you're trying to give these guys hospitality and bring them into like a family situation aren't it's a lot like never in ranch that we're never land never never never never let's fucking we're a bunch of boys come and hang out not as much boo fooling not as much Jared is what they're calling it today Not as much boy play.

[2106] Yeah, how about Jared?

[2107] Yeah.

[2108] But you know what I'm saying?

[2109] It's like because, you know, your grandparents raised you and you're a wild kid and you didn't feel like you've had like that thing.

[2110] We were talking earlier about trainers that wouldn't put their name on you.

[2111] Now you're doing the total opposite of that.

[2112] The total opposite, absolutely.

[2113] I appreciate that, man. Absolutely.

[2114] The total opposite.

[2115] And yeah, if guys call me, they're like, how I can afford it.

[2116] I said, don't worry about it.

[2117] I got you.

[2118] Let's go it.

[2119] So what do you do that?

[2120] What's the ranch?

[2121] You're coming in late, bro.

[2122] Damn it.

[2123] Jesus.

[2124] Bad motherfucker ranch.

[2125] He built it.

[2126] Grandpa bought some property.

[2127] Happiest one was life.

[2128] Tears almost came to his eye during the podcast.

[2129] Builds a place.

[2130] Doesn't get permits.

[2131] Fucks up because he has the bunk bed set up.

[2132] Oh, shit.

[2133] Now what do we do?

[2134] Now people are sleeping into barn.

[2135] Propane.

[2136] If you keep the propane on, it costs $1 ,500 bucks a night.

[2137] This is a lot of work.

[2138] You've got all this stuff.

[2139] He doesn't have any power out there, man. He's getting tanks of flammable liquid.

[2140] And he's shooting guns everywhere.

[2141] That's safe.

[2142] The whole thing is ridiculous.

[2143] So safe.

[2144] He shows me all these guns he's got.

[2145] Do you know if you shoot a propane tank with a gun, it will not blow up?

[2146] Is that true?

[2147] Absolutely true.

[2148] In the movies, it will not blow up, though.

[2149] I had a Navy SEAL time when you throw a grenade, it doesn't, there's no fire.

[2150] It just, you just hear pop and there's no. Yeah, it just smoke.

[2151] I was amazed at.

[2152] Well, that's annoying.

[2153] What about the Chuck Norris movies where there's always an explosion?

[2154] Is Chuck Norris still the coolest dude alive or no?

[2155] I met him, and I was more happy than I've been when I met him.

[2156] anybody ever.

[2157] The first time I had a great die job.

[2158] First time I met him, I was upset.

[2159] Chris Hansen, I was pretty happy.

[2160] Chris Hansen?

[2161] He met him in the right spot.

[2162] He could be like, I'm so nice to meet you here in public in a bar.

[2163] Instead of in a fucking hotel room with a 14 -year -old.

[2164] Back to Chuck Norse.

[2165] I met him in the World Combat League.

[2166] Remember, he used to have that kickboxing organization.

[2167] In the dome.

[2168] They fought in a bowl.

[2169] I met him there.

[2170] And just the fact that Chuck Norris knew who I was and gave me a big hug.

[2171] I was like, God damn.

[2172] You didn't put his boot up to your face, but I can read the bottom of my boot.

[2173] What's he said?

[2174] He had the shoe lace crotch thing.

[2175] Remember those kickboxing pants with the shoe lace?

[2176] Texas Ranger motherfucker.

[2177] Well, I remember Superfoot Wallace used to have jeans that he advertised in like the back of comic books.

[2178] Yeah, well Chuck Norris did too.

[2179] It was Chuck Norris, I think, more than Superfoot.

[2180] Chuck Norris has posters of badass shit that you have to think about if your life is that cool.

[2181] Yeah.

[2182] He's a super nice guy too, man. Is he?

[2183] a there was a thing, a banquet for a karate guy who was a famous karate instructor and he was one of Chuck Nars's friends.

[2184] So I sat in on the, they wanted me to sit and like give a speech.

[2185] Like everybody gave speeches.

[2186] Like all these old school black belt guys gave speeches and Chuck Nars gave a speech.

[2187] I just sat next to Chuck Nars and talk for like an hour and a half.

[2188] We just talked about the old days of the karate tournaments and the old days of kickboxing and, you know, what it was like to hang out with Bruce Lee.

[2189] It was one of the best moments of my life.

[2190] You didn't hit him with any Chuck Norse lines?

[2191] Like, Chuck Norris doesn't do push -ups.

[2192] He pushes the earth away from him.

[2193] How many push -ups does Chuck Norris do?

[2194] All of them, you know what?

[2195] Why not?

[2196] Not been like an opening line?

[2197] I just knew, first of all, how many times do you ever get a chance to sit and actually right next to Chuck Norris in a public setting?

[2198] That's how I feel at this moment right here.

[2199] I do too.

[2200] We feel the same way.

[2201] So I'm sitting next to him and just me and him talking.

[2202] You know, just me and Chuck Norris right next to each other for like a fucking hour.

[2203] It was like a little kid.

[2204] kid.

[2205] I saw a missing in action in the fucking movie theater.

[2206] Lone Wolf McQuaid.

[2207] I was there for all those movies, dude.

[2208] I panicked, I've panicked two times with celebrities that I, like, they were really big.

[2209] I met Al Pacino, and I was talking to him, and I was like, just be cool, be cool, Brian, be cool, be cool, don't be an idiot, don't be spas out sometimes.

[2210] Were you looking at yourself from a third person?

[2211] Kind of, kind of.

[2212] I was just kind of.

[2213] That was earlier, but he's in his own.

[2214] I was more staring at him, and I was just like he had a bandana out, and he looked so cool, and he was 70, but he looked.

[2215] He looks amazing.

[2216] He's amazing.

[2217] How are you, Brian?

[2218] Where are you from New York?

[2219] That's a good fucking opportunity.

[2220] Great, yeah.

[2221] Never done it before.

[2222] That's very good.

[2223] Was that similar to what it was like?

[2224] And I fucking, I went like this and I, I can't, I kill myself.

[2225] I heard the words coming out of my mouth and I was like, Brian, stop, stop you're saying anything.

[2226] I go, I go, you know what's funny?

[2227] I go, don't say it, Brian, don't say it.

[2228] And I said it and I go, I just watched Scarface.

[2229] It was on TV and he goes, and I go, I was like, no!

[2230] Inside, I was like, no, but my face was saying it.

[2231] And then I go, I looked at him, and he went like this, he goes, oh boy.

[2232] And that's all he did, and he hugged me. He goes, all right, he shook my hand, and he put his shoulder against my chest.

[2233] I was like, oh, that's the coolest way to ever do anything.

[2234] I was like, see you later.

[2235] Then I meet Springsteen backstage.

[2236] I talked to him for a while.

[2237] I talked to his wife.

[2238] I'm a huge Bruce Springsteen fan.

[2239] Six months later, with my dad in a book.

[2240] store in Idaho, in Sun Valley, Idaho.

[2241] And I hear his wife say, hi, how are you?

[2242] And I go, oh, Patty, hi.

[2243] She goes, what are you doing?

[2244] And I go, how's Bruce, thinking I've known them, because I talked to him for like, you know, and I. She goes, ask him yourself, he's right here.

[2245] And I turn, he's looking at a book I've since read called Fiasco.

[2246] I remember he had his glasses on.

[2247] And I go, how you doing?

[2248] And he goes, I met you.

[2249] We talked backstage.

[2250] And all of a sudden I realized my, I. I folded my arms, but for whatever reason, my fucking arms were really high, and my elbows were pointed right at him.

[2251] And in my mind, I was like, Brian, please let go up your arms.

[2252] Don't do this.

[2253] What are you doing?

[2254] And I go, and this is what I did.

[2255] I go, I go, did you ski?

[2256] And he goes, usually we do, but this year we just let the kids do it and we're just sitting.

[2257] You know, and I went.

[2258] And I meant to say, I fucking meant to say, I've been skiing all day, my feet are killing me, and I'm not going to ski anymore.

[2259] That's what I meant to say.

[2260] I've been skiing all day my boots are shitty I don't want to ski anymore and instead I went with my fucking arms like this I go my feet are killing me and he just looked at me and there was a pause I go I'll see you guys later man and I fucking and I've never lived that down but I'm sure they deal with that shit all the time just holding myself like that did you just have that same moment right now like during this podcast I feel embarrassed right now in the middle of what you're doing I feel embarrassed about you guys get people when you take pictures that are trembling out of fucking control?

[2261] Yeah, sometimes that happens.

[2262] I don't know.

[2263] I've had a lot of nervous moments in my life.

[2264] I appreciate nerves.

[2265] Me too.

[2266] You know, I can't help nerves.

[2267] The guy with the camera and he's like, get, get, get the fucking camera working.

[2268] I fuck with people.

[2269] I fuck with people.

[2270] Come on, bitch.

[2271] What are you doing?

[2272] What the fuck is with the fucking camera?

[2273] Get an iPhone, son.

[2274] I fuck with them, but I don't.

[2275] You have to deal with that.

[2276] So the greatest domestic dispute that you will ever witness in your life is on a boat ramp.

[2277] I don't know if you guys have ever been on a boat ramp.

[2278] No. But the wife is driving the boat and the husband in the pickup and he's trying to fucking guide her on.

[2279] Left, no, no, back on.

[2280] She's trying to snake the trailer down and he's sitting in the boat screaming at her snake in the trailer down while 30 other boats are trying to dock.

[2281] It's...

[2282] Damn.

[2283] Oh, that seems like a night.

[2284] That's interesting, though.

[2285] Next time on there, I'm going to pariscope it because it is...

[2286] I never thought of that.

[2287] Oh, it's unbelievable.

[2288] I just thought the boat's...

[2289] we're always in the water somehow.

[2290] You know who knows a lot of...

[2291] It's the getting...

[2292] It's the 4 .30.

[2293] They've been drinking all day.

[2294] Right.

[2295] Time to get the fuck out of the water.

[2296] The message dispute happens and it is...

[2297] It's classic.

[2298] They say there and when...

[2299] And realtors.

[2300] Realtors see a lot of dark shit between couples as they're looking for houses and deciding what they want where they can't afford a fucking house.

[2301] But she wants the house?

[2302] Oh, yeah.

[2303] Why isn't the she that always wants it?

[2304] Dude, I had a conversation with my buddy about this recently.

[2305] He was talking about how his girlfriend hates where they live.

[2306] There's the fucking stripper voice again.

[2307] She wants a fucking house.

[2308] Pepp it up.

[2309] That's not his tripper voice.

[2310] You went from fucking interacting to...

[2311] I know a dude who's fucked and I feel bad.

[2312] He's just bringing a down.

[2313] Poor dude is in some situation where the girl wants him to live over his means, you know, and it gets weird.

[2314] You know, when she's like, we need a better house.

[2315] We need to get a better house.

[2316] And he can't really afford a better house.

[2317] So he's scrambling.

[2318] Well, this...

[2319] That's a bad place to be.

[2320] A woman I know is a realtor said They were looking at this house that was like Six million in New York City For $6 million And they run About 1 ,300 square feet Something crazy, yeah No yard And she said Her friend had her friend had a Her friend had a friend had a $10 million Yeah I mean It's crazy You can buy like nothing for you know Meanwhile he shoots guns in his yard Right off his fucking toilet Miss that too We got a fucking new silencers You're gonna say I want really Yeah He's got a bench rest on his toilet It's just looking out the window In case of a stray antelope No, I don't shoot fucking big game It doesn't should big game, sir It's illegal Birds I'm a bird man A bird man Just any bird They insult you with their freedom Just poor Poor old So we just say So she goes She was showing them the house And She said I have another place It's just a little too You know It's a little bit Out of your price range And it was $8 million And this girl's friend Had a $10 million house And she looked at her husband And went How could you fucking do this to us As in you don't have enough money Got him.

[2321] And he went, instead of going, see you later, he went, sorry.

[2322] Oh, my God.

[2323] How about that, man?

[2324] That's how people live sometimes.

[2325] Well, that's people that, if they don't have any other interests other than materialistic things, then you, that's what you chase.

[2326] There's a real problem with that in this fucking city is a real problem with people that are only chasing that.

[2327] And they're not looking at the big picture of life.

[2328] They're defining themselves by how much money of their house costs, how much, you know, what neighborhood they're in.

[2329] what kind of car they're driving all that stuff is them and there's no other stuff there's no but society looks at that comedy there's no society looks at that if you show up and you're living in your school kids go to this school and you live in this area and you drive the range over right that's your status is you know what though man yes but i think that that it always has been i think that term's changing pre biblical status well because of the internet people like there's you're going to be there's a bunch of people that don't think like that and now they can all agree whereas before what was put out in front of you was what was on commercials what was you saw the hero have in the movie burt reynolds has a trans am i fucking need a trans amp like all that stuff was the only way we associated with ideas about items but now like because the internet you'll talk to people that go you know what man i live in a fucking trailer that I drive around in my truck, and I just go to different places and I climb mountains.

[2330] That's like that Alex Honol guy.

[2331] He lives in a fucking van.

[2332] That's cool, too, and he'll find, like, fans of people that admire him because of that.

[2333] I think that, like, yeah, and I think that some people who chase money, it has a lot of meaning.

[2334] Some people were humiliated by being poor when they were kids.

[2335] Money, it makes them feel powerful, safe, whatever.

[2336] But, like, I was thinking about, I was trying to isolate kind of the two times I'm the most happy, like the two things that matter to me the most.

[2337] I think it's laughing with my friends and getting better at something I thought it was coming with a finger in your ass and coming with a finger on my ass obviously it's part of laughing with my friends you told me when you cashed that fucking check and you see an extra calm on your bank account you're not fucking just tickled pink I'm not really but I'm weird that way and he knows that I'm just he's so weird he drives a fucking shitty car he drives this goofy fucking Volkswagen I can afford a nice car you have money you could have something that you drive that's a pleasure like you enjoy it and it changes your transportation to a ride No, I like you're on a Disneyland ride every day.

[2338] I like getting better at something and being a silly goose with my friends and a finger in my ass And if what's okay, we got to end this man. We got a we got a we got a show on that note and on that note Donald, motherfucking cowboy saroni.

[2339] Thank you sir.

[2340] I'm glad we did this.

[2341] We could do this any time you're in town, man Look at the trifecta I'm sitting here.

[2342] We could do this forever We could we could probably have about a hundred of these easily easily Well, we'll see how the everyone reacts and they fucking love it.

[2343] We'll see how they don't get it.

[2344] If we don't get a couple hundred YouTube comment I'm fucking dead.

[2345] You're gonna get plenty of comments.

[2346] Look, most people are gonna love it.

[2347] You gotta separate...

[2348] What does the Bible say?

[2349] You gotta separate the wheat from the chaff?

[2350] The wheat from the chaff.

[2351] Yes.

[2352] If you don't have a fucking sword, go and get one.

[2353] Sell your cloak and get a better one.

[2354] Is that what the Bible?

[2355] Yeah.

[2356] Sell your cloak and get one.

[2357] I don't remember that passage.

[2358] Sell your cloak.

[2359] It's there.

[2360] You know how a pious Donald is.

[2361] I don't know.

[2362] I'm always making the cross before he fights.

[2363] I don't know if I'll ever own a cloak.

[2364] I might go to the grave with no cloaks.

[2365] I want a cloak, man. I'm thinking right now.

[2366] I need some Dracula cloak.

[2367] I want to own a lot of land and walk around in my cloak.

[2368] Yeah.

[2369] And I want to just order my servants around.

[2370] Bring me a coconut, two straws, and some shaved ice, please.

[2371] And I want pack llamas.

[2372] Oh, yes.

[2373] So when I shoot animals in the woods, I can bring the pack llamas and they'll pack it out.

[2374] That's good.

[2375] I want hamsters to feel in my hands, please.

[2376] I want a few guinea pigs around the house, just in case I need to eat them like the people do.

[2377] Guinea pigs.

[2378] They keep them in the kitchen.

[2379] They're all scrambled around the kitchen.

[2380] I just want them for petting.

[2381] I want them for petting and pressing against my genitals.

[2382] They apparently don't miss each other.

[2383] They never, like, where's Waldo?

[2384] They don't give a fuck about Waldo.

[2385] Are the peanuts out?

[2386] Yes, they're good.

[2387] They say cats are like that.

[2388] Cats could give a fuck about their owners.

[2389] Well, when their owners die, cats eat their faces.

[2390] Is that true?

[2391] Did you know that?

[2392] Yeah, Big John McCarthy was telling me that.

[2393] He said, the worst thing you want to find is a guy who's been dead for a couple days, and he's had cats.

[2394] Damn!

[2395] Yeah, the cats just eat your face.

[2396] When you stop giving them cat food, they just start eating you.

[2397] Whoa!

[2398] Yeah, whoa.

[2399] They eat your face.

[2400] Wow.

[2401] They'll eat your face.

[2402] for a long time, too, until you get really rotten.

[2403] And you get really rotten.

[2404] It's because you're not there to feed them and they're hungry?

[2405] They don't.

[2406] You don't, you don't, your dog will fucking starve to death.

[2407] Most dogs.

[2408] Maybe you might be a cunt to your dog, and a dog might eat you too.

[2409] But most dogs will, like, sit there and they'll want, yeah, they want their order to wake up.

[2410] I have a fucking tortoise that, but he's going to live to be a hundred years old.

[2411] Tortoise is our man -eaters.

[2412] If you faint, they eat your face.

[2413] They attack your asshole first.

[2414] You might wake up and you have no assholes.

[2415] I'm dead.

[2416] They work in the assholes.

[2417] They can only get their head so far I have narcolepsy Don't eat my asshole I'm fine You fucking shitty turtle They beak your asshole Can't they go a long time Without food too I don't know I know snakes do If I call my wife I'm calling sick I can come to the show tonight Fuck yeah Dude come to the show Yeah you can come for sure Absolutely Can I plug my date this weekend Okay where you come I'm gonna be at the San Jose Improv Friday Saturday Sunday One of my favorite places in the world You know who lives near?

[2418] there?

[2419] Luke Rockhold, Donald Serroney's favorite person.

[2420] Can I plug my event?

[2421] Hell yes.

[2422] Orlando Florida, December 19th, and fucking new, and new champion of the motherfucking world.

[2423] I can't.

[2424] I can't wait.

[2425] I'll be there.

[2426] I'll be there.

[2427] I'll be there for my boyfriend.

[2428] I'm gonna be there.

[2429] I'm gonna be there.

[2430] Best seen in the house.

[2431] Do you want to do the gig with me the night before?

[2432] Yeah, December 19th?

[2433] Yeah, whatever the night before is I'm doing the game.

[2434] Can I come?

[2435] Fuck.

[2436] Yeah.

[2437] Do you cross tickets now?

[2438] Orlando, Florida?

[2439] Can I take us now.

[2440] I need those.

[2441] Come and be the night before.

[2442] Yeah, I'm booking something.

[2443] I'm booking something.

[2444] I'm booking some theater in there on Friday night.

[2445] Now that we can't IV, I'll be out of there earlier.

[2446] Would you get nervous thinking about that date?

[2447] Are you ready?

[2448] He's excited.

[2449] Born ready, bitch.

[2450] How dare you?

[2451] He's full of skull and Budweiser.

[2452] He's a bad ass.

[2453] He's an American badass.

[2454] Round two.

[2455] Smash him.

[2456] I'm coming.

[2457] Donald Trump is an American badass.

[2458] I wish I had a fucking, I wish I had a fucking billion dollars in a huge bail buckle.

[2459] All right.

[2460] We got to end this.

[2461] It's seven o 'clock.

[2462] We got to show.

[2463] Desonios, I'm fucking coming 19th, motherfucker.

[2464] And new.

[2465] You heard him.

[2466] Loud.

[2467] I love it.

[2468] I'll be rubbing Joe Rogan.

[2469] I'm rubber banding my underwear.

[2470] Donald Serrani, motherfucker.

[2471] Donald, you hear this.

[2472] Donald, get him kicking.

[2473] All right, we're out, folks.

[2474] Thank you for tuning in.

[2475] Much love.

[2476] See you soon.

[2477] Bye -bye.

[2478] Yeah.

[2479] Three hours, huh?