#311 - Ari Shaffir

[0] podcast, check it out.

[1] The Joe Rogan, experience.

[2] During my day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[3] Sweet, heavenly Jesus.

[4] We're back, ladies and gentlemen.

[5] Thank you very much, and welcome aboard.

[6] Powerful Ari Shafir.

[7] How do you do that stuff, Ryan?

[8] The spinning down stuff.

[9] How does he do it?

[10] Yeah.

[11] He's a master at using a fake turntable.

[12] Oh, wow.

[13] That's cool.

[14] I like that they make them look like turntables, too.

[15] Instead of pushing a lever or something.

[16] Yeah, they're crafty, these fucks, with their iPad technology, with the things they've done.

[17] We had that Neil de Gras Tyson guy on the podcast yesterday.

[18] Yeah, I've been seeing videos on him for a long time.

[19] It's a lot of fun, man. Really, really interesting guy.

[20] Yeah, what an inspirational dude.

[21] Super huge, great response for the podcast, except for me talking about the moon landing, which was almost like universally hated.

[22] Hate it.

[23] I want to just say that it was not my.

[24] to talk about that.

[25] That's something that he wanted to talk about in advance.

[26] He sort of alluded to the fact that he was going to bring that up.

[27] Oops, that's my laptop.

[28] Dia said he got mad at Ralphie Mae once because we're all sitting around like late night in Vegas or something, and Ralphie goes, so tell me about the, what do you think about the moon landing?

[29] And Diaz goes, motherfucker.

[30] Why do you get him started?

[31] Yeah, it's a hilarious thing.

[32] We went into the psychology of looking for hidden things and how fascinatingly are, too.

[33] Yeah, just anything hidden that you can cover?

[34] Well, we were talking about the idea of that if there's a planet, there's somewhere outside of Pluto that they believe might exist.

[35] It's like some theory.

[36] Well, this is a thing called the Kuiper Belt.

[37] There's this massive amount of, like, asteroids that are out there.

[38] But they think it's very possible that there's a large planet that's out there.

[39] But it's so far away, it has no reflection of light from the sun, and we can't even see it.

[40] But we're like, It's sort of guessing by some of the things that have gone on in that area as far as gravity goes.

[41] And so we were talking about that.

[42] And I was just commenting on how weird it is that we have this desire to find shit that's not there.

[43] When the shit that we know is there, you really haven't looked into it all.

[44] Like, I've really not looked into Jupiter that much.

[45] You know, I mean, I kind of know that it's a gas giant.

[46] It's got the spot on it.

[47] Yeah, as I know that Shoemaker Levy.

[48] hit it, this comet and blew up, and I know that recently they found another comet impact.

[49] I know, like, little things, but like, as far as, like, the real...

[50] This, you know, as far as, like, it's a fascinating thing, and all the information is readily available and right there, but instead, I'm like, man, there might be a hidden planet out there.

[51] Like, the planets that are here, the planets that are here, I don't give a fuck about.

[52] I don't even, you know, I'm so bored with the moon.

[53] I don't want to see the moon.

[54] I don't want to see the moon.

[55] time yeah if the moon didn't exist then one day above you was a fucking moon you'd be shitting your pants you'd be freaking out that a planet was that close everybody would be going nuts you just wouldn't people would just be sitting down in parks just looking up staring at that moon if it was a new thing it was like you have full parks full with people they would come in cities and gather up and they would try to make sense of there yeah some new things invaded their atmosphere and it's floating above their planet yeah that would freak people up But instead, like, oh, yeah, it's the moon.

[56] Because it's always been there.

[57] It's always been there.

[58] And when sometimes you look up and you see like Saturn and you see more.

[59] If you could take a trip to the moon, if like Virgin was offering one for 10 grand, not even a crazy amount.

[60] Wow.

[61] Like 10 grand.

[62] Would you go for it?

[63] I would have to be a few years in.

[64] I would have to see.

[65] You would be the first.

[66] You fuck that.

[67] Because you know someone's not going to make it back.

[68] Yeah.

[69] It's just a matter of time.

[70] I mean, it's like we know it's a matter of time with airfo.

[71] flight you know so there's some some plane somewhere is going down oh yeah it's like some car somewhere is going to crash yeah so are you willing to die in space that's the real question are you willing to die in space that wouldn't be bad to die in space if you get ejected because at least they sort of find your body like maybe generations well they're gonna it's gonna be a long time because the first thing they have to do before they do anything is they have to they're gonna do commercial space flight where it's just they orbit the earth so they'll probably do that for a few And have docking stations where people can go to.

[72] Have you seen what the things look like?

[73] It looks like a plane, sort of.

[74] What the Virgin's ship that they're going to use to go into space?

[75] But everyone just has a seat?

[76] Yeah, I mean, you have seats.

[77] I don't know how many seats there are on it.

[78] I mean, I'm sure it's more complicated than a plane, but it essentially looks like some sort of double -hulled plane.

[79] It looks weird.

[80] It doesn't look like a spaceship.

[81] I thought it would look like a spaceship.

[82] And you can dock with the people up there.

[83] Yeah, I think that's...

[84] the plan for the future i don't know if that's what they're going to do initially i think i think there's a probably a bunch of options on the table just take him out there and then bring him back yeah that's the you got to think how long can people deal with that you know i mean what if you're up there with some dude who hasn't taken his paxil and he fucking blows a gasket you got to make it person proof yeah you got to make it person proof this will be a lot of people going mad seeing the whole earth there and like oh oh there's clearly no god i've wasted my life well But when you were in, when you're on F .A. 18, one of those fighter jets, they have, like, a thing under your seat that you could pull out and eject yourself and you go flying through the air on a fucking parachute.

[85] And you can't have those.

[86] Oh, yeah.

[87] You can't have that space.

[88] You can't have that shit.

[89] You got to make sure that this asshole is like, if this thing's going down, you don't have any say in it.

[90] You have no control over the fucking buttons.

[91] It is kind of weird that, like, regular flights don't have at least.

[92] parachutes, you know, you'd think that they would at least have a bunch of parachutes underneath each seat.

[93] You just don't kind of think about 10 minutes before we're going down.

[94] Let's get everybody out here.

[95] I don't think you understand how fast you're going.

[96] Yeah, but I mean, like a last minute resort.

[97] You know, I'd rather have that than a seat cushion I could use as a flotation device.

[98] I'd rather have a parachute as if like, okay, this shit's going down.

[99] I'm going to try.

[100] I don't know how to use this thing, but I'm just going to try it.

[101] That would make sense.

[102] That would make sense.

[103] But you would have to be willing to somehow or another open up a window or a door while that fucker's in the air.

[104] No, that was stewardess would have to do it for us.

[105] No, that's...

[106] You know, I don't think you understand what happens to your body when you're flying 500 miles an hour and you just jump out into the air.

[107] Like, dude, you got to have some...

[108] My dad was a paratrooper.

[109] He said you got knocked out a lot.

[110] Yeah, you're going to get knocked unconscious.

[111] You're not going to be able to breathe.

[112] You're going 500 miles an hour with your face, and you're still going 500 miles an hour when you jump out.

[113] Okay, you really have to wrap your head around that because you're being protected by this tube to the point where you're completely unaware of the velocity.

[114] You know, you're flying through the fucking air.

[115] When you just get shot through it and you just let go, oh, and by the way, if you hit a bird, you're going to explode.

[116] Yeah.

[117] Guess what?

[118] You wouldn't get one for a while down, though, right?

[119] The other option is pavement inside of a target that your plane just crashed.

[120] That's probably the best way.

[121] That way you know you're done, you know?

[122] You don't want to fucking sort of survive.

[123] What happens if you, if everyone's leaving the plane with your flotation device, but you forget yours, and it's like, but you're only like an aisle or two ahead of where you started.

[124] Do you think there's any chance People let you back there?

[125] Maybe if you scream, I need a flotation device But that's so, we need a name for that stupid thing Flotation device?

[126] Flotation device?

[127] She can be used as a flotation device It should be a booey thinga.

[128] Yeah, should have a fucking name.

[129] Booy thinga.

[130] Booy and then something with like Latin.

[131] Yeah, something.

[132] It should have a fucking name.

[133] Where's my flotation device?

[134] I need a flotation device.

[135] It gives me more life.

[136] Live on the water.

[137] There's the picture.

[138] sure Neil deGrasse Tyson discusses simulation theory suspiciously Asian looking person appears behind him who is that is that you Brian has always said that like when you start talking about simulation theory and Asian will show up sounds like fringe and that to let you know that you're that yeah it is it is really all just a simulation and it was actually somebody somebody photoshop that in yeah no no no that's actually Mike realm who is on the pointless podcast following this that he came early i really i met somebody photoshop the writing yeah oh yeah oh no no somebody was holding up letters i met the guy it was like the way it's a bunch of puppets how are you guys ignoring these floating letters they're flying letters the way bigger issue here than the asian person is um camp trails there are floating letters letters talking about us is that That guy, Mike, you said he was, like, a big -time mix -max mash -up artist?

[139] He was really cool.

[140] He does video mixing.

[141] So instead of doing, like, DJing with, like, audio, he takes video clips and mixes, like, videos together and stuff like that.

[142] I could show you one of his videos.

[143] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's throw one up.

[144] What is it about?

[145] Here, let me find.

[146] It's all dicks, just dicks going into dicks and splicing, becoming Celtic dicks.

[147] Did you hear we're going to Mars?

[148] people are yeah really when was this dutch people 20 2019 they're gonna make it are taking volunteers now well that's why Neil Tyson says that's what we need we need somebody else is going to go there first and that's the only way we'll go to Mars you know what I mean like let some males pay the way and take it good job guys yeah well that's that was his reasoning behind the idea that you know that the the the races to the moon was won by the Americans and then it was pretty much over like the Russians didn't even want to go to the moon what's the point the United States already there.

[149] Here's Mike Realm.

[150] He remixes an old spice commercial.

[151] How can I smell like space shuttles?

[152] That's easy.

[153] Why is it so loud?

[154] This is bizarre.

[155] It is bizarre.

[156] It's weird.

[157] whole bunch of different ones like like this one you know it's kind of uh boring and stuff but i'm not gay but yeah this is a very sexy video it's really funny right it's a confident man with his shirt off and he's making silly noises with his mouth oh it's scott pilgrim i don't know if you've ever seen that movie it was a really what was that other one was that guy having sex with the girlfriend behind what was the other thumbnail i don't know someone's horning hold on and this is i want to be so uh uh whatever it's called here it is scott pilgrim this is him mixing ludicrous how about this you got to see this this is a very visual thing internet that's okay stop there anyway check out his uh well the people at home that are listening or anyone in their car this is what he did is he spliced the scott pilgrim movie with the ludicrous music video and voices and i don't know how to feel about mash -up songs some of are great some of them are great yeah but it's just that original you'd like or it's just the two them it's just two of them coming together the matchup songs don't bother me but you know what bothered me and i like kid rock but that last kid rock song was like a combination of like sweet home alabama and something else oh yeah you know it's been doing that a lot later yeah but it just i didn't it was like man this is like it feels like um it's like when vanilla ice was doing ice ice baby It was like under pressure.

[158] It was the riff.

[159] It was that under pressure riff.

[160] At least in the matchups, you can clearly tell which songs we're using.

[161] We're not trying to say this is our stuff.

[162] That kid rock stuff, you don't know.

[163] I mean, I guess it's a tribute and, you know, it was a really popular song, so what the fuck do I know?

[164] But I'm like, man, I would rather hear the actual songs.

[165] Yeah, that's how I feel sometimes are the mashups.

[166] Yeah, sometimes, but...

[167] It just feels lame.

[168] Have you ever heard of voodoo problems?

[169] No. Is that voodoo child and...

[170] 99 problems?

[171] That's crazy.

[172] Well, they're sort of catchy, but then I feel like I shouldn't like them.

[173] You feel like they're plagiarists?

[174] No. I feel like they tricked you.

[175] Sometimes it's awesome.

[176] Some of them don't work with me. Some of them don't sink up.

[177] Unhip?

[178] Yeah.

[179] I wasn't into it that much until I heard that 99 problems Voodoo Child Mix.

[180] That shit is so good.

[181] You want to hear that movie?

[182] Fuck yeah.

[183] It's like one of the greatest song.

[184] When is somebody can match up your song, Voodoo Punani, with...

[185] Somebody please bury that song.

[186] Listen how good this is.

[187] If you have a girl pounds I forgot for you son I got 99 pounds But a bitch ain't one This shit works This is actually the one that I'm used to What about that he did a song On the Godzilla soundtrack This is a different version He did that like 15, 16 years ago Well they did it together Who?

[188] Robert Plant They actually did a song together But it was a Zeppelin song though Yeah It was that all that Cashmere Which was ridiculous Because like You mean if you're gonna like duplicate a song like you do some shit from houses of the holy that no one remembers you don't you don't come out with cashmary like that that's a classic and he's rapping but then aerosmith did that walk this way yeah yeah yeah because that was pretty fucking cool yeah that was pretty cool yeah when run dmc did their version of walk this way that's what it was yeah erosmith was like the idea the video was like them rehearsing next door these rappers the rappers are really unimpressed and we can't play our music it's for real it's like one of the corneous most hokeyest videos ever you know and especially because like stephen tyler gets crazy with this mic stand he breaks through the wall where the rappers are you know and then they have respect for each other like bitch get the fuck out of him they would have beat the shit out of you they would have dragged him through the hole in the wall he just made even in the 80s he looks like an old lady he had this crazy hair fucking handkerchiefs on his head they would have beat the fuck out of him man Hey, what are you guys doing?

[189] What's this one?

[190] It's so weird to see that guy as a judge on American Idol.

[191] When people get old, it's going to happen to all of us.

[192] I don't expect it to.

[193] You don't expect to?

[194] I have not grown up even remotely, other than my responsibilities have widened.

[195] I guess so.

[196] But my mindset, I mean, I guess.

[197] I'm at him sort of a little bit more disciplined.

[198] 15 more years, 20 more years.

[199] It happens to all of them.

[200] It happens to Howard Stern.

[201] Yeah, but I think it's all in, first of all, you've got to make sure that you're having fun.

[202] And you've got to make sure that you have friends that are also having fun.

[203] You got to keep a community of people together.

[204] So these people are all, they're not keeping community of people together?

[205] The thing that happens with a lot of them.

[206] A lot of them, they go solo, and, you know, they just, it's fucking them and the wife, and occasionally they go on stage, and they just get weird.

[207] It's like a, you get reconstervative.

[208] Yeah.

[209] It happens new again.

[210] They get old, and, you know, they always love to use that quote.

[211] is one quote that I've used I've used it too show me a young man who's not a liberal I'll show you a man without a heart show me an old man it's not conservative and I'll show you a man who has no brain wow why because he's realized that people are just a bunch of weak cunts at a certain point in time you got to really tell people to man up I was having a conversation about Boulder today with Mrs. Rogan and we were talking about how we really loved Boulder and we even loved hippies until we live in Boulder.

[212] Why?

[213] Well, when you live around hippies.

[214] When they're the majority?

[215] When, yeah, when there's more than a, you know, a small percentage of hippies when they're around all the time.

[216] It gets really annoying.

[217] Like, they're, they can be fucking annoying.

[218] It's not refreshing anymore.

[219] There's so many kids that were like young kids that were begging for money.

[220] Oh, there was like.

[221] What's the young kid?

[222] 20s?

[223] Oh, okay.

[224] Like young just sitting there, like sitting there with like asking for money.

[225] And I don't know if it's Maybe I just saw too many of them And maybe it was just really rare But it just seemed like an ignorant amount of like young people That were like Just sort of like Asking for people to help them You know what I'm saying?

[226] Yeah, that's like that in San Francisco and hate now Yes, exactly And look, there's nothing wrong with Being in a position where you need people to help you We've all been there.

[227] It's not that But I've never been in a position Where I'm sitting down with a fucking Piece of Cardboard box open and i'm hoping somebody gives me money you're not doing anything unless i'm missing your whole past and you're completely mentally challenged it's amazing that you're even sitting there and that you wrote you know please help right but what's their feeling people just kick in and then yeah you have money for dinner and lunch it's cool you're not doing anything anyway you could give us a dollar for parking like it's it was it becomes a kind of a weird it becomes a kind of a weird thing where you're like, okay, you guys need some discipline in your lives.

[228] It's one thing to be peaceful and loving.

[229] But the real problem with the hippie life is that it's a life of meandering, a life of hemorrh.

[230] In the reality of the world.

[231] I'm sure my next meal will find its way to me. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm sure my next meal will find its way to me. I have trust in the universe.

[232] And that kind of thinking.

[233] They were like hippies like that there?

[234] Yes, yes.

[235] There was quite a few.

[236] Yeah.

[237] we yeah there was it was really annoying man it was uh there was a lot of really cool people don't get me wrong the majority were really cool like it's like 90 % of them were fucking outstanding human beings the people there in boulder but the 10 % of these fucking knuckleheads it wasn't even 10 % it's just you run into them all the time too many and for the most part it was fine but when it got annoying it's like when you're holding the baby and they're asking for money and you're like come on man get the fuck They jump into your way.

[238] Yeah, I'm holding a baby and you're coming up trying to beg money.

[239] Like, I'm not really into, like, dealing with you right now.

[240] Yeah.

[241] Weird guy with strange care.

[242] You make you, you make the mistake making eye contact a little bit.

[243] It's like, oh, fuck.

[244] You're talking and everything.

[245] Like, how did you get to this point when you need money from strangers?

[246] Like, there's got, there's, it must be some fucking shit decisions along the way.

[247] Maybe I could help you with that better than just giving you $5.

[248] You know?

[249] I talked to a homeless guy once.

[250] He said it was just, uh, some of it was just like, nah, something to do.

[251] Just decided to be homeless?

[252] Because you get cash from the government, but you're just like, no, no, not homeless, but just the begging.

[253] Oh, take it to leave it out of the way.

[254] Wow.

[255] Yeah, it's a weird thing, man. I think it's really important to be surrounded by people that are also trying to get shit done, that people that are having fun, people that are enjoying their lives, people that are trying to accomplish things.

[256] And I don't mean in a materialistic sense, I mean more in a creative sense than anything, you know, like when you're like, when you were just putting together, like, you're special, and you just recorded a special.

[257] like a year after your last question, and I know that was a big deal for you.

[258] Yeah.

[259] Well, when you did that, you know, when you said that and you do that, I got inspired, you know.

[260] I get inspired when I hear other people like really working at something, towards something.

[261] Really?

[262] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[263] It becomes, it's exciting, you know.

[264] I think it's super important.

[265] And I think that if you're, if you're not around people that are like that, you can get fucking dull.

[266] You can fall apart.

[267] Because nothing's pushing you to do the outstanding person without doing anything.

[268] There's nothing going on in your life.

[269] Why would you think that you're going to keep growing?

[270] You're not challenging yourself.

[271] You're hanging out with your wife all the time.

[272] You're not going anywhere.

[273] And then all of a sudden you're hosting American Idol.

[274] And I'm going, what the fuck, yo?

[275] What the fuck?

[276] Where's the journey?

[277] What the fuck, yo?

[278] Yeah, I know what you mean, though.

[279] Yeah, and other people are doing shit, you're like, oh.

[280] It's very, yeah, when other people are doing things, it's very inspirational.

[281] You know, it's super, super important.

[282] And if you don't surround yourself with other people that are exciting and interesting and that you can have conversations with, man, you're going to have a shit life.

[283] It's really that simple.

[284] And that's most people just sort of accept that.

[285] Do you think the people who like pair up with people, let's say, other couples, let's say, that like to go traveling?

[286] Mm -hmm.

[287] That will probably help you travel and shit, right?

[288] Fuck, yeah, man. As opposed to just being next door to somebody who's just like does nothing and then you just have your barbecue's at your house once in a while and that's it.

[289] Yeah.

[290] My parents' lives were much better when my stepdad was working for this friend of his, and they all lived in, like, the same town.

[291] They would all do things together.

[292] It was like when they were in Pennsylvania.

[293] It's like their life became like more of, like, there was like a community thing going on there.

[294] You know, that's like, that's very big for people.

[295] We get loose sight of things because we think that what's really important is a career or, you know, getting yourself financially established.

[296] You're just buying your first home.

[297] Yeah.

[298] Getting some credit.

[299] You get told, like, that's what you're supposed to want.

[300] You, you, you, but it is, these, these are desirable things.

[301] But without community, they're shit.

[302] Yeah.

[303] You could be a rich motherfucker living by yourself crying your eyes out in the top of a hill.

[304] And that's real.

[305] I talked to a real estate guy once a while ago and he's like, just move like, it was like an hour and a half north of LA.

[306] It's like, it's better, you know, just for a few years.

[307] And then you can go back and like, what are you talking about?

[308] When you were talking about buying a house, you told you to move an hour and a half.

[309] Because it would go way cheaper.

[310] houses and it's like what i'm not but i have to live there jeez not just like what an idiot wait i'm like i'm not going to live there you know the nevada desert you can get a whole acre for a hundred and eighty dollars okay i mean what are you doing every day that's worth the amount of money that you would save if you bought a home in the nevada desert i'm living my life i talked to a guy once who spent like a while living on a truck stop just uh being like a salesman of the front you know like a store yeah and i was like how was that did you go crazy by yourself a little bit i met this guy in like vancouver or something and he goes yeah well that's why i'm not there anymore whoa because it was so fucking lonely you wouldn't see anyone except strangers and very briefly oh jesus that must be crazy that's like prison it's not like oh get away from everybody for a little while and then it becomes your life yeah i am of the opinion especially as i get older that it is not healthy to be away from people i think you have to have some sense of community and that loners or any any any person that just wants to be by themselves alone in the woods all the time you know like no friends not saying hi to people keep an eye on that motherfucker because you know that's some unit bomber type shit I think it's I think it's this I think every person has a different level of how much they need other people around them yes and at some point they'll just be a curve like don't need anybody don't need anybody and then with some people that's 10 minutes and then back to where are people I need people with some people that could be 10 days I'm good for two days without saying anybody I can do that really I like a day every now and then of just decompression Just a decompression day where I don't have to talk to anybody.

[311] I could just sit and chill and get some reading done and maybe watch a documentary or something.

[312] No, you'll literally not communicate at all.

[313] Stay in your underwear.

[314] It's nice.

[315] Yeah, those days are nice.

[316] But they're just so rare.

[317] But the most important thing is that you're stimulated on a regular basis.

[318] You know, you've got to have people around you that are stimulating.

[319] And as soon as you get stuck in some sort of a rut where you don't have anything going on with your mind or it's challenging you, you're going to slowly rot away.

[320] Yeah, you're going to fall into that rut too.

[321] Yeah.

[322] I bet.

[323] Fuck yeah.

[324] We need a bunch of different things.

[325] We need to be stimulated by our interests, whatever our interests are, whether your interest is cooking, or whether it's carpentry or whether it's drawing or whether it's fucking golfing, whatever your interests are.

[326] Those, them shits are important in your life, okay?

[327] Interests are important because interests stimulate your mind.

[328] Interest stimulate your mind.

[329] And interests aren't the job you have.

[330] you fucking hate so we talk about it later That's not your interest Most people it's not If it is you're lucky as fuck If you're a comedian And you know You actually love comedy Man what a huge Huge fucking blessing that is But you know For a lot of folks What they're good at And what they can make a living at It's not really what their thing is So they you know They go bowling on the weekends So they you know go Dock hunting But they find something That stimulates them And I never really I kind of didn't understand saying that, even though I was doing all those things.

[331] It took me like a long time to sort of piece that together.

[332] Some people do open -mic comedy like that, even in their 40s and 50s.

[333] Just for a coffee shop.

[334] Yeah.

[335] And it's not like, I'm not trying to be successful.

[336] It's like they just like doing it.

[337] Yeah, why not?

[338] And then when you think about it, the act is the same no matter what.

[339] Sure.

[340] If you're painting on your back porch as a grandmother or if you're painting because you sell your shit for a million dollars, you're still just trying to make a good painting.

[341] Yeah, if you're doing it the right way, it will be exactly the same.

[342] It's for the joy of that.

[343] Yeah.

[344] The joy of the creation.

[345] Yeah.

[346] Yeah.

[347] I mean, I'm like you.

[348] Like, if I have, like, any one flub anywhere in a bit, it will drive me crazy.

[349] If there's a hiccup in a joke, if there's a transition in a joke that just seems artificial, the shit will drive me crazy.

[350] So I could crush for an hour and ten minutes where they just loved it.

[351] And I'll get off the stage.

[352] I'll be that fucking bit.

[353] That fucking bit sucks.

[354] I've got to fix that fucking bit.

[355] And that's all I'll think about.

[356] You know, I can...

[357] It's Sydney, Australia, but I did that for a while.

[358] I was like, I got no fucking ending.

[359] Yeah.

[360] It was just like for months.

[361] Those are brutal.

[362] But those are.

[363] But then you work through something, right?

[364] Yeah.

[365] You sort of hash them out on stage.

[366] And I think there's another thing that happens when you're working out new materials that you get to the point where you've said it so many times that as you're, as you're saying it, your brain seeks new ways to approach it.

[367] Oh.

[368] Because you've - Like an isolation chamber for your fucking material.

[369] Well, it's like you, it's almost like a mantra.

[370] Like you say it so many times and it loses its meaning.

[371] So as you're saying it, you find.

[372] like uh i'm saying this again you have some new way and or it could be this and then you all of a sudden you go in some new direction yeah just to entertain yourself i mean how many times have you done that gone down like completely ridiculous paths with a bit where it's like there's babies with big dicks and machine guns and they're fucking and then you're like what am i doing here they did have a machine gun they would have a safety latch that was easy to turn off baby pull a machine gun is this even possible but those kind of like ridiculous the taxarity of your penis would be lacking and you might do one of those and it would only work that night, and it was for that night.

[373] But every now and then you do one of those, and then there's like a piece in there that becomes a new chunk.

[374] Yeah.

[375] You know?

[376] Yeah, that's how you find things.

[377] That's how I do anyway.

[378] Yeah, I find, yeah, do that in the writing itself through both.

[379] But I find out, I get a lot of ideas lately from driving around with the car radio off.

[380] Do you ever do that?

[381] I do that when I'm, when I don't allow myself, when I'm looking for the next storyteller show and I haven't, like, thought of one yet.

[382] I don't let myself use the radio until I get it done I like it yeah that's smart yeah there's something about the act of driving without a radio that your mind has to take in all those things they can't tune it out yeah I saw a study that when you're on the phone even when you have an ear buds in or whatever your peripheral vision goes down 20 percent maybe eustace not me okay well maybe but the study showed I'm super duchy guy that's invulnerable but yeah just because your mind mind is not focusing on that you don't understand my mentality my mentality is i see everything always i'll rock that test listen i got a 180 degree vision the doctors they tested my sight i saw to the right and left further than any known human wow that's amazing so don't worry about me with the fucking earbuds worry about yourself well i'm sorry to tell you about yourself super douchey guy who never gets sick i fucking never get sick what do you live in a plastic bubble you fucking cunt you never get sick who are you Do you not eat pussy every now and then?

[383] You're going to get sick, okay?

[384] Things are going to go wrong.

[385] Not me. I don't even try cheese sticks.

[386] I'm not into that.

[387] I'm totally organic.

[388] I love that.

[389] Steve Simone said that once.

[390] Was he going to get into mushrooms?

[391] No, not that.

[392] But when he's like, people say, I don't do that if they've never tried it.

[393] Right.

[394] Well, they don't do it then.

[395] He goes, I don't react well as psychedelics, those type of drugs.

[396] Because trying to get into mushrooms.

[397] He goes, which ones have you done?

[398] Like that.

[399] Hmm.

[400] He goes, oh, no. Campbell soup.

[401] Yeah.

[402] What would you know?

[403] Why would you know?

[404] know if you don't do that well campbell mushroom soup it fucking trip me out man took me back to high school i was flying through the hallways but now everything was blue yeah well there's people that are scared and rightly so you know for i don't encourage anybody to do anything and the beginning i did when i first started doing you know dm t and i did mushrooms i was like fucking do it you should do it go do it do it but now i feel like if you're not compelled to do it you shouldn't do it if you're not drawn into doing it you shouldn't do it and if you don't have a a deep, deep, deep desire to do it.

[405] If you don't know about it, you might not develop a deep desire.

[406] Yeah, maybe.

[407] But that's up to you.

[408] Oh, right.

[409] That's you.

[410] There's books out there.

[411] There's videos you can watch.

[412] There's articles you can read online without too much investment in your time.

[413] And you can learn a lot of shit about psilocybin.

[414] You can learn a lot of shit about the history of it.

[415] You can learn a lot of shit about the positive benefits on personality.

[416] So if you want to do it, go ahead.

[417] But I'm not talking about it.

[418] It's just, I can't do it anymore.

[419] I've talked to too many wackos.

[420] too many loons too many people that are in the cult of the mushroom and do the sacred mushroom is gonna get through all this yeah sometimes you're like all right easy I don't know what you mean with that are they give you mushrooms sometimes and you're like dude I'm leaving tomorrow I can't like well what about right now I'm like I'm not doing it right now it's framing out we're not doing mushrooms together Mr. FBI agent you would never do that would you fuck no man it's weird to do mushrooms in front of with people you don't know I don't even smoke weed Oh, yeah.

[421] I'm done.

[422] There's just too much weirdness out there, man. And it all came from this guy in Cleveland that I'm positive.

[423] It was a cop.

[424] What happened again?

[425] Possettive was a cop.

[426] He's asking me where he can get some DMT.

[427] He goes, hey, you know where I can get some DMT?

[428] And he had a crew cut on and like a fucking, it was like a flight jacket.

[429] Like, I'm looking at the way this guy's dress and I'm looking at the fact that he's by himself.

[430] And I'm looking at the fact that he's a shitty actor Like he was like acting when he was talking to me I'm like what are you talking about Yeah He goes yeah you did that DMT right You know where to get it?

[431] I go Are you fucking for real asking me If I know where to get illegal drugs And when I said it like that loud He walked away Oh really?

[432] Yeah because he got embarrassed And he walked away It was like pshaw Yeah but you talk so good You talk so good about it though To a friend You're in Cleveland To a friend I talk somebody wants better Some guy coming up to me asking me of where I can get it Probably just a dumb person.

[433] Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You think it was a cop?

[434] It wasn't stone, that's the thing.

[435] You think it was a cop?

[436] Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was a cop.

[437] I have pretty good instincts, man. I mean, I'm guessing, obviously.

[438] And the legend could grow in my imagination over time.

[439] But I was very convinced that this guy was fishy as fuck.

[440] Did you, wait.

[441] You know when people are lying to you.

[442] You know, you know, you know, someone's bullshitting you.

[443] Or they're up to something.

[444] Yeah, there was something.

[445] He was up to something.

[446] I've entered into a few of those circumstances, though, anyway.

[447] Like, what am I doing?

[448] Listen to yourself.

[449] And it's like, oh.

[450] Well, that's why when I said it loudly, I said, are you seriously asking me if I can get you illegal drugs?

[451] And then he just fucking got out of there.

[452] He was like, I am, it was just too loud.

[453] I was saying it loud in a group of people that were waiting in line to take pictures.

[454] And he just bolted.

[455] Hey, man. Know where I get some DMT?

[456] Can I get a gun from you?

[457] You seem like a nice guy.

[458] It's people that just really want the information they don't think what it's like that they're asking another human.

[459] This guy was asking me to get him some.

[460] I was like, Jesus Christ, dude.

[461] Brian, do you smoke weed with strangers?

[462] Yeah.

[463] You do.

[464] Joe, have you seen...

[465] Why, do you know a stranger with weed?

[466] Let's go.

[467] Have you seen the trailer, the red band trailer for Ari's new movie?

[468] What's Ari's new movie?

[469] What's a red band trailer?

[470] The inappropriate comedy.

[471] What is this?

[472] Is a movie you're in?

[473] It's a sketch movie, yeah.

[474] He's in it a lot, too.

[475] Along with Lindsay Lohan, your favorite.

[476] Yeah, I know.

[477] Lindsay Lohan's in this thing?

[478] Yeah, check this out.

[479] Agent Brody.

[480] Adrian Brody's the main character This isn't even out yet though This spring When trouble rises What happened in this Adrian Brody guy He's doing movies with his story now Make me gay Go ahead make me gay From Vince Offer The guy that brought you the slap shop Fuck was that the guy from Shamwell Comes in a semper Oh I remember you tell me about this The Shamwell guy made this Shammwell guy ever I hope we go Straight through the titties.

[481] Not a lot of talking.

[482] You'll get action.

[483] You're not how I got all these people to be in it.

[484] Probably has coke.

[485] It's a blowjob, Joe.

[486] You get romance.

[487] I call your pussy Rihanna, because my dick's want to beat it like it's Chris Brown.

[488] You'll get you.

[489] Oh, my God.

[490] What was that?

[491] Is your pussy, like, slanted?

[492] Ah.

[493] You just get me right.

[494] No. Great trips to Africa.

[495] Chicken.

[496] Get the chicken.

[497] Follow it.

[498] You're gonna make you...

[499] Do you tell them about the basketball?

[500] Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[501] Let's get back to the sex.

[502] As soon as I came, those assholes opened up.

[503] Hey!

[504] Oh, let's go!

[505] When he put his dick in me, I thought he popped an organ.

[506] It was like...

[507] Her kidney!

[508] I just think I heard my dick gas.

[509] Rob Schneider.

[510] That is wrong.

[511] Michelle Rodriguez.

[512] Pussy, pussy, pussy!

[513] She's...

[514] Okay, you guys got your shot.

[515] Can I shoot you?

[516] Yeah, sure.

[517] Here!

[518] And Adrian Brody in his finest performance since the pianist.

[519] What the fuck are you doing it, you cock suck, your pig?

[520] Easy now.

[521] I know you're ready to blow.

[522] I'm just gonna push your stool in real slow.

[523] Wow.

[524] In appropriate comedy.

[525] How do you get through life like this, man?

[526] This is crazy.

[527] I saw sunny.

[528] I so sunny.

[529] How does this help me dry?

[530] I so...

[531] In theaters this mark.

[532] Oh my God.

[533] ari explain yourself the sketch movie i was only responsible the ones i did the um sketches you did look like they were with real people uh yeah there was more like amazing racist things yeah it was great man oh you son of a bitch i thought you were done with amazing racist you brought it back yeah somebody finally was able to put the money into it to do it right which ones did well you don't want to tell us don't tell us what the gags were you shouldn't it was obviously there was that one free boat rights to africa yeah yeah yeah last folks did someone try to beat you up yeah did you apologize to him and tell them it was a sketch yeah did they accept it not really they're still mad at you they're still mad at me yeah black folks are not keen on black jokes you can't be careful with that son once they already got worked up to that point rarely well people like oh okay cool i'm sorry what did you tell him like how do you bring him down i didn't bring him down he brought me down oh you mean off the emotional clip yeah yeah yeah yeah you just get him to like sign stuff and say you know i'm really sorry It's just, but they still look at you like, yeah, I know who you are.

[534] Wow.

[535] Yeah, you could run a, you're taking a crazy chance when you're just out there in the world, running into random folks.

[536] Luckily, most people are not murderers.

[537] That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, the, the boat thing is in Santa Monica.

[538] Oh, dude.

[539] Dude.

[540] If I, if I was Joey Diaz, I'd say, what the fuck is wrong with you?

[541] He would say that.

[542] What the fuck is wrong with you?

[543] What the fuck is.

[544] wrong with you dog um yeah monica i think it's coming out in march god offering chicken and a guy came after you dressed like a gangbanger was he in fact a gangbanger who was that that guy right there he looks like he's in n w a i don't know what it's the guy that attacks you look at him it looks like he's uh dr dr dr drs somewhat dude it's just a plaid shirt no no no he's dressed very gangster who's the guy with the chicken who's the other guy with you That was Dante.

[545] Dante the comedian?

[546] Dante the comedian.

[547] And he's offering them chicken dressed like a slave master, as I was going on there?

[548] Free trips, man. You can't look a gift horse in the mouth.

[549] Wow, that looks hilarious.

[550] Did Dante get hit, or just you?

[551] Just me. He was safely on the boat.

[552] Good for him.

[553] He's a smart man. He knows to stay outside the blast range.

[554] I'm just like Leonardo DiCaprio from Django Unchained.

[555] Did you see that movie?

[556] I saw it.

[557] What'd you think?

[558] It's pretty good.

[559] Pretty good fucking movie.

[560] He knows how to make a good goddamn movie.

[561] He makes things entertaining, you know?

[562] Yeah.

[563] Even when he's off a little, but he's still fucking, it's still fun as shit.

[564] It's three hours, man. It was really fun to watch.

[565] Yeah.

[566] It was like, the life of pie.

[567] Everybody tells me the life of pie is an amazing movie.

[568] Has it come out yet?

[569] Life of Pie?

[570] I've seen it.

[571] I fell asleep.

[572] I fell asleep.

[573] I fell asleep in the Life of Pie.

[574] That's what you're supposed to get.

[575] If you get a complete karma, a Dharma from the Life of Pie, you fall asleep.

[576] It's beautiful pie.

[577] The Life of Pie brought me to a peaceful piece.

[578] press where I'm a vegetarian and I went to sleep.

[579] Dude your Buddhist statue's crying.

[580] One single tear.

[581] Buddha.

[582] Buddha be sad.

[583] Is that Buddha?

[584] The life of pie.

[585] He lived, he lived on a boat with a fucking tiger for a month.

[586] Stop it.

[587] He started to kill him at first, then they became friends.

[588] Shut the fuck up.

[589] The tiger's starving and will not go for him.

[590] I'm not a child.

[591] I'm not a fucking child.

[592] Wouldn't the tiger fish for him and they bring them both back in?

[593] I don't think the tiger willing to jump in the water and catch things for that guy.

[594] I don't think they were really friends I think it's a bullshit movie You think the movie was He saw a tiger on a boat with the guy And then it's like oh beautiful And then the guy got killed by a tiger The idea that he could fight that tiger off Even temporarily Like he took a tuna from the tiger And he screamed at him And slapped something on the ground The idea that The tiger would go for that In a boat Yeah Get the fuck out of here man That's like a hamster telling you what to do That's what that's like It's like you imagine you coming home and the hamster is telling you what to do.

[595] You imagine being in a boat and the hamster's telling you that it's going to eat and you're not going to get to eat.

[596] You'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about?

[597] He'd grab that stupid thing and you'd kill it and you'd eat it.

[598] That's exactly what the tiger would done.

[599] That movie should have been two minutes long.

[600] How did they explain?

[601] Did you see it?

[602] Tiger sees him, not only that, the tiger was like hiding in the boat for like a whole day.

[603] Spoiler alert.

[604] I mean, you're going to be on a boat for a month with a fucking tiger.

[605] You have to do, there's got to be some suspension of disbelief.

[606] People love the book.

[607] What did he do?

[608] He just yelled at him.

[609] The tiger is my friend.

[610] We are one.

[611] The tiger and I, together, we will survive.

[612] How did I know you're going to see him?

[613] It's a beautiful visual movie.

[614] That Angley guy's a bad...

[615] He did broke back mountain?

[616] Did he?

[617] Did he?

[618] That was beautiful visual, too.

[619] I don't know.

[620] Did Angley do that?

[621] I think it's Angley.

[622] Is it him?

[623] I think so.

[624] Brian, you have seven computers in front of you.

[625] Why don't you find that out?

[626] What are you doing?

[627] Surfing the Web?

[628] No, I was looking up this crazy shit about Adam Carolla.

[629] I don't know if you heard about it.

[630] What?

[631] What is it?

[632] he's getting he's one of the first podcasters to get sued by who for what uh this big company that owns a bunch of patents uh went after adam corolla and the people that make uh some other podcast that's pretty big uh and they're suing them i believe something of how stuff works dot com uh it's about uh playlists it looks like what's a playlist what you mean uh this company called personal audio LLC did a patent infringement lawsuit against Apple recently and won and now they're going after podcasters.

[633] What are they suing for?

[634] Using the algorithm to do a playlist?

[635] Yeah, they're not really saying much yet and Adam Carolla hasn't said anything yet, but it's Adam Carolla said, I continue to say girls aren't funny.

[636] I love how there's an on it.

[637] I love how there's an on it.

[638] Powerful on it.

[639] But it says that personal audio is web, website the company says it's patents pioneered techniques now commonly used today and portable players smartphones tablets and other products and it says that and it lists several patents for music playlists podcasting personalized recommendations and audio messaging so is it like did he have a application that they're saying infringed on a patent that's what it sounds like it seems like this company has patents and podcasting so I don't know what that means because it can't just be like hey I put an audio file up and now you're suing me you know so it has to be something about maybe he has his own personal app and something in that app.

[640] Well, here's the weird thing about suing somebody.

[641] Well, that's why I say that because smartphones and tablets.

[642] That's why it looks like that.

[643] I'm hoping.

[644] You don't really need calls to sue somebody.

[645] You can just sue.

[646] That's true.

[647] And then it's out there.

[648] Yeah, but they just won $8 million lawsuit against Apple.

[649] So something's going on here.

[650] Oh, so maybe there's some sort of application that Apple has available.

[651] It's probably some kind of playlists thing that's involved with making the app and because they want, it also says that they've, they've entered license agreements with Sirius XM Radio, Kobe, Samsung, Amazon, Motorola.

[652] Who do these people have?

[653] Yeah, so it looks like there's companies that are actually entering licensing agreements against probably some kind of playlist thing or something.

[654] Huh, that's interesting.

[655] Yeah, so I guess it's probably the personal apps that are doing it.

[656] Oh, that's why you asked me if I have my own app.

[657] Yeah.

[658] Oh, yeah.

[659] That's interesting.

[660] I have an app, but I didn't make it.

[661] Wouldn't it be the maker of the app?

[662] It's not mine.

[663] It's a fan -made app.

[664] So I don't think I'm responsible for a fan -made app.

[665] Weird, maybe.

[666] I can't be.

[667] Oh, just because I put it up there?

[668] I can't.

[669] What am I going to do?

[670] I'm going to stop everybody from making, I mean, look, it would be stupid.

[671] Like, they're making something for free that other people can enjoy.

[672] Why would I stop that?

[673] That's stupid.

[674] And it also makes me wonder if companies like Libson who offers like, you can design your own free app.

[675] You know, I wonder if that makes Libson accountable or every single one of those people.

[676] My God, everyone's fucked if that's the case.

[677] Yeah.

[678] Well, because if somebody makes printing supplies, like they haven't done anything wrong if you fucking cop, like just pirate a bunch of shirts.

[679] That's true.

[680] Yeah, that's true.

[681] Yeah.

[682] Yeah.

[683] So you're the one doing it.

[684] do you think this is a real picture or a Photoshop because it's very creepy Oh my God, it's a real It's a no hate thing Oh God, I hate that thing I'm a little bored by it The whole actor thing I went on a giant fucking rant On Twitter about that And people were saying That oh, it's supposed to represent Like, you know Not having hate Now it just represents No, it just represents Like, yeah It represents celebrities They're like, look at me, I'm there too I'm cool too It's the dumbest idea that the way to avoid hate is to draw on your face and cover your lips with tape.

[685] How about just be nice to be?

[686] Why do you have to be anti -gay just because you're against the fucking look of an ad campaign?

[687] And why does Adam Crowe looks so gay in this photo?

[688] He looks like he's wearing makeup.

[689] They gate him up.

[690] They gate him up.

[691] Yeah, that's Photoshop, right?

[692] They gave him blush and no. No. That's just how they shot it.

[693] Yeah, that's an odd little thing there, isn't it?

[694] There no hate.

[695] I saw that on so many people's pages.

[696] The tape over their fucking mouth like.

[697] And then everybody's like, I want that too.

[698] but it's not not supporting the thing it's about being trendy dumb message like the way to stop hate is to put tape over your mouth like what what do you what does that represent no blowjohn what kind of image is that a piece of tape over your fucking mouth how about how about how about just smiles how about people smiling yeah what's the table over the house that's a silence i'm sure there's a reason for it the reason is to get us to talk about it come but no hate means oh that means you can't have hate come out of your mouth yes but that i don't carola's not the hateful one isn't he's saying he's not he's not not the hateful one?

[699] Everybody's not the hateful one.

[700] There's all these celebrities, all these different people that put tape over their fucking mouth and wrote no hate on their face.

[701] They're dumb.

[702] It's just, it's...

[703] Or they got talked into doing it by a chick.

[704] That could be it too.

[705] I wonder if anyone's tried to put tape over the mouth and put it over their nose too and then start to suffocate a little.

[706] I think...

[707] I think they would suffocate in trendiness that sort of thing.

[708] Before they would run on air.

[709] Did you see this?

[710] No hate.

[711] And it's an H with a red eight because it's Proposition 8.

[712] Because Proposition 8 was the the proposition that made it illegal to have gay marriage but why tape over your fucking mouth man and why do you have to draw on your face okay so pretty right there's beautiful sexy as fucking sexy as fucking he's probably the best he's ever looked at ever if you really looked like that I kiss him right on him he's got crew pomated in his hair he's got little eye trims like a fucking novella star he looks awesome yeah yeah well we wish Adam luck in his lawsuit I wouldn't have sex with a guy like that but I would want to hang out with him he's a good dude Adam Crowley's a very good dude.

[713] No, I mean, a guy who looks like...

[714] Has you ever talked to him?

[715] You ever done his show?

[716] Uh -uh.

[717] No?

[718] It's a fun guy, man. I think he'll try to get me on there to promote my special when it comes out.

[719] Yeah, he's a fun guy to talk to.

[720] He's just, motherfucker.

[721] So intelligent.

[722] Got so much interesting shit going on in his head all the time.

[723] My friend listens to him, and he said he just loves the David Allen Greer episodes because when Adam Crowell is like, I got to do sponsorship now, so no cursing.

[724] And David Allen Greer refuses to comply.

[725] Oh, really?

[726] And then he just waits until he goes, you know, go to stamps.

[727] dot comte cunt cunt shit cunt it's just like keep doing that so the way he does commercials too he this is how most people are doing it they break up the show into like little chunks they do a bunch of them they'll do like four of them they'll do them like every 15 minutes or every half hour whatever you're going to do but and they just say okay here this next segment this next hour is brought to you by so and so that just stops the whole flow of the conversation they just start reading paper yeah and they've asked me do that same thing and I can't do it.

[728] I get why that would be a good one but then people would but in the beginning let's keep it out of the way in the beginning people skip right over that shit.

[729] Yeah but so what?

[730] That's fine too.

[731] So what?

[732] You know and sometimes they don't and by the way the ads like a lot of times we talk bad shit during the ads and sometimes they're funny and yeah we have to get to the user code name Rogan and we get to all that stuff but at the end of the day Oh right it's fun still fun yeah the show's still free You know, we still have to pay for bandwidth and everything like that, but I refuse to interrupt it.

[733] If your whole podcast was just the commercial part, and you had, like, you, Rogan Diaz and Red Band was like three people here, that would still be a very entertaining podcast.

[734] Oh, yeah, we could, especially we still have the fleshlight.

[735] We could, I miss the fleshlight.

[736] I can't wait.

[737] I get to see the fleshlight next week.

[738] I'm so happy.

[739] The fleshlight people.

[740] I'll bring you some.

[741] I have a gang of them.

[742] I told you.

[743] They're just sitting in my office.

[744] Did you hear the good news about the Doug Stanhope trial?

[745] by the way, that's fucking awesome.

[746] What's he going to child for?

[747] The judge rules, ruling, allows the comics, Doug Stanhope, to release video of accusing of the port -saint -lucie man of molestation.

[748] Whoa.

[749] So, Doug and Andy Andrist had a video of this guy who apparently molested Andy when he was young, and he promised Andy a car.

[750] He had video of him doing what?

[751] we he had their video of him accusing this guy and the guy broke down he also claims that he served him alcohol shown him porn of porno movies like like he he molested him like crazy yeah and the guy bought him a car to be quiet about it's not press charges when he came older yeah is that what it was it's it's gonna it's during it they recorded during uh january ninth 2009 performance of down and dirty on hbo and they like went and got the guy and they found where he lived and and i forget how they got him to do an interview something else, right, Joe?

[752] Yeah, I don't know how they got them to do it.

[753] They somehow another got him to meet and do the interview where he accused him of being a sexual predator.

[754] Wait, so, and he paid him off to not talk?

[755] No, they sued him somehow or another.

[756] Who sued who?

[757] The guy whose video was about to be released, sued Doug and Andy.

[758] Saying don't release that?

[759] Yeah, I guess.

[760] I've sued him several times from this 1976 to 1988 those are good years those were good years he massaged him why is it a five -year period and then when he was between 11 and 13 somebody can't count I don't know but that's so fucked up man and so and so they want to release this video this guy of this guy admitting and crying the guy said you know you were sexual predative and Andy said that and the guy said uh -huh and the judge just ruled in favor of Andy and said you can't release this.

[761] Yes.

[762] Wow.

[763] And there hasn't been any comment.

[764] If he's going to release it, Stanhope says when and how the video is released, it's up to Andy that this is all Andy's deal.

[765] I'll get out there, though.

[766] I guarantee that.

[767] It'll get out there, though.

[768] Wow.

[769] I'm sure.

[770] It's sad, man. Yeah, I wonder, why can't you, like, I don't want to fucking, I'm not blackmailing him.

[771] I'm putting this video out of him, you know, saying what he did.

[772] It's not, the punishment's not worse.

[773] He's just admitting to the thing he did.

[774] Right.

[775] You know?

[776] Well, you know, when, with a lot of those guys it's about being exposed like once you're exposed as a sexual predator i can't imagine they they got away his whole life and and got away with it i mean probably he's already a sexual predator somewhere i mean wait till they find out you really think you got away with it all this time seems like that's pretty possible oh that's so fucked i just always assume that if someone is out there molesting kids they they try to keep doing it and then they get caught yeah because he can't do anything now because it's been over what seven years or whatever it is what is it statute limitations expires and child molesting so you can just talk about it I think so right and the guy doesn't get arrested wow that's kind of fuck I don't know I know the statute of limitations does apply to everything does not apply to everything and there's federal statute limitations is there a state statute of limitations as well yeah like if you say hey I killed JFK and you had proof they're probably still going to do something how old were you this would be a great segment it's time for Brian Red Band's law advice based on half watch that I killed somebody, but it was 10 years ago.

[777] Do you think I can tell them about it now?

[778] Yeah, that's plenty of time.

[779] In fact, you should brag about it to the family, and if they do anything, you can sue them.

[780] And do the guy tell you, he's a cop?

[781] No, they don't tell you, a cop, you're fine.

[782] You get off Scott Freeman.

[783] They did that in Breaking Bad, didn't they?

[784] It was something early on when somebody's, like, trusted a cop.

[785] And he was like, you're a cop, and he goes, because you've got to tell me if you are.

[786] He goes, no, yeah, I would have to tell you.

[787] And then he said it sold him back and he goes, no, you're under arrest.

[788] I don't have to tell you.

[789] What are you talking about?

[790] Yeah, that's a weird.

[791] sort of a myth that you have to tell someone if they ask you are you a cop i think there was always like hookers in movies would ask the johns are you a cop did you get arrested for getting a hooker in college no was that real no did you get arrested in college no it's just a joke oh completely yeah the the only thing i learned in college is avoid hookers with walkie to doggies that was a joke no it's just a joke oh okay no it's a complete fabrication that was back in the days when i used to write joke jokes yeah that's a good to have too once in a while yeah Yeah, there's a good, like a good, solid one -liner to pull you out of a ditch.

[792] Yeah.

[793] Or to just set.

[794] Yeah, yeah.

[795] Set the state.

[796] As long as it's like, there's a good crisp one, you know, you can have a complete game changer.

[797] You just like completely change the tempo of where the show's going.

[798] Man, there's a trailer for this new Kevin Hart movie.

[799] Kevin Hart apparently has this new stand -up movie coming out.

[800] Really?

[801] And you see like the size of the crowds he's doing.

[802] Holy shit.

[803] That's the one with fucking Pyro.

[804] Dude, they didn't show any of the pyro.

[805] I guess they're trying to save that as, you know, for fun.

[806] In the trailer they didn't show it?

[807] No, but, I mean, you're talking about, like, it looks like 18 ,000 people.

[808] It looks like a UFC.

[809] He's doing massive places.

[810] It's crazy.

[811] Good for him, man. Yeah.

[812] Good for him.

[813] That's great for comedy.

[814] Anytime a guy.

[815] It's more people exposed to comedy.

[816] Yeah.

[817] And anytime a guy that's that big, you know, who does that well, that just stimulates the whole sort of comedy movement.

[818] Like, guys see that.

[819] Like, wow.

[820] Like, where were all these people?

[821] like five years ago you know where were all these people for any of any other comedian well they were out there the fans were out there just nobody had done anything that really resonated with them yeah you know they get them access to somehow yeah well he's the the hot young guy you know as far like uh especially like young black comedians uh that's why cat williams was upset at him like because he took over his spot yeah apparently you know essentially remember that especially did when he had all the celebrities come up yeah somebody from like little john or somebody come up and like do a walk by.

[822] Cat Williams and in his prime is still one of my all -time favorites.

[823] That special was amazing.

[824] Looney behaviors he's involved with these days, whatever.

[825] When he goes off in front of a black crowd on Michael Jackson.

[826] Yeah.

[827] The honest way.

[828] The way everyone's ignoring.

[829] Like, stop it.

[830] That guy's a child molested.

[831] You would never trust him with your child.

[832] Yeah.

[833] You know?

[834] And to a black audience, and they were all like, what?

[835] And he just fucking set it right at them over and over again.

[836] He was like, wow.

[837] He beat them down with it.

[838] Yeah.

[839] He beat them down with it.

[840] that he's he was hilarious he was fucking i mean maybe maybe still is maybe this is all trolling didn't uh what's his face walkine phoenix troll everybody for a year for a year and we just saw cat in that new movie trailer where remember it's that's a documentary people and stuff it's a documentary i'm talking about the new movie that's uh scary movie five oh yeah he's in a trailer where he goes nutty in the trailer oh really well that's his whole thing was just a big troll right just so we can like make a movie about it that was with the other guys walking phoenix yeah yeah that was his thing he was going on letterman pretending he's nuts yeah and what did he do he made it they made a what's that yeah he was a rapper for a while and he would like fall down on purpose yeah the problem with that is then when anybody like brittany spears shaves your head or cat williams goes crazy you're like well maybe it's just a publicity show yeah you're like no no no these people are in a bad place well Well, Britney Spears for sure.

[841] I think it's being like a hot girl singer.

[842] Like that has got to be one of the, especially someone as famous as that chick is.

[843] Yeah.

[844] It's got to be, the pressure has got to be unimaginable.

[845] To grow up in that pressure.

[846] Oh, yeah.

[847] To go from being a mousketeer to being a grown woman.

[848] And also it's not just a celebrity.

[849] It's other level fame.

[850] Oh, yeah.

[851] It's that worldwide, you know, your bus gets mobbed.

[852] Yeah.

[853] You know?

[854] And does, she even have her kids?

[855] I don't think so.

[856] I don't think so.

[857] Yeah, I think K -Fed's got the kids.

[858] Like, when they don't, they don't give you your kids, man, that's not good.

[859] Because the state's saying, I know you're the rich one, but we can't trust you with us.

[860] Yeah, just like, listen, this guy is, he loves these kids.

[861] Don't they almost always give it to the girl?

[862] Dude, I don't know how it's set up.

[863] It's got to be rare, though, that take kids away from the mother.

[864] It's got to, it's not when everyone's healthy.

[865] Right, right.

[866] But everyone's healthy, the kids generally stay with the mother.

[867] You ever see unless, you know, there's an agreement reached?

[868] Craig Ferguson's monologue about Britney Spears?

[869] Yeah, it was very nice.

[870] Yeah.

[871] It was very heartfelt.

[872] You know, there's a certain amount of us that want to kick somebody when they're down.

[873] They want to, like, mock someone, whether it's Lindsay Lohan or whether it's anybody or it's Paris Hilton or, you know, when everyone is getting some, you know, everyone's shitting on someone.

[874] They want to just pile on.

[875] They want to jump in.

[876] And whether it's about Britney Britney Murphy or whether it's Britney Spears or whether it's Lindsay Lowe, any of these girls that have like Molding.

[877] People love a lot this week.

[878] You're right, a small part of you.

[879] Well, she was, I mean, that thing with her when she was falling apart and she wound up dying and then her husband died like What was all that shit?

[880] Drugs, man. Those guys were doing heavy opiates.

[881] Oh, Britney Murphy?

[882] Yeah.

[883] She had opiates in her system.

[884] Dude, there's so many people out there that are having problems right now with opiates.

[885] Which ones are open?

[886] It's oxycontins, heroin, morphine.

[887] I know a lot of.

[888] I would do jokes about pills sometimes.

[889] And then when I go to the Midwest, sometimes my drug stuff, I'm like, oh, you guys aren't going to get my, and then I realized doing that joke.

[890] I was like, oh, this is where this shit is from.

[891] I shouldn't talk about school.

[892] I shouldn't talk about school with Britney Murphy.

[893] I'm assuming it was, um, it was oxycontin's.

[894] But now that I say that, I'm like, man, maybe it was like a speed thing.

[895] But there was a lot of drugs.

[896] system well let's see what god that scene where Eminem fucked her in the warehouse when she just spit on her hand and put it down there what a good kid god that was hot was it remember that from eight mile did you ever beat off to that at all oh yeah you son of a bitch oh yeah oh yeah yeah i was right sorry multiple medications are present elevated levels of hydrocodone that's oxy yep uh acetaminophen This is a cold, yeah, cold medication.

[897] She's a cold -ass honky.

[898] Chloropheneramine, L -Methamphetamine.

[899] Oh, my God.

[900] She had meth in her.

[901] Jesus Christ.

[902] This chick had a crazy cocktail, man. Hydrocodone.

[903] Okay, and I guess that gave her a headache, so she took some Tylenolone off.

[904] Cetamephyton.

[905] So a little Cidamenephine in her system.

[906] It's not time to party again.

[907] And methamphetamine.

[908] I think L. methamphetamine, is that the same as methamphetamine?

[909] I don't know.

[910] I have no idea.

[911] Brian, you ever do?

[912] What pills do you do?

[913] It's from Mexico.

[914] Yeah, Mexican, antithetamphetamine.

[915] Let's Google it.

[916] Let's Google it.

[917] What pills do you do?

[918] I don't do any pills.

[919] I do once in a while, I do some molly.

[920] If that's around.

[921] Yeah.

[922] Yeah.

[923] Okay, no, no, no. I want to get that, not Adderall, but that pill that, Other stuff.

[924] I don't know.

[925] L. Methamphetamine is a levo methamphetamine.

[926] And what it is is a cold medication.

[927] It's a nasal decontestion.

[928] Oh, really?

[929] Yeah.

[930] It's a vaso -constrictor, which is the active ingredient used in some over -the -count nasal decongestants.

[931] So she was, basically, she was taking oxies and she got sick.

[932] She might have also been snorting the oxies.

[933] Well, that's, she died from the sickness.

[934] She didn't die from the drugs.

[935] Oh, really?

[936] Yeah.

[937] Yeah, well, much like Duesberg, by the way, we do have someone who's going to debate Peter Duesberg.

[938] We have a professor biology, heavy -duty Ph .D. dude who's down for the program.

[939] I believe he's a professor.

[940] Should have got Tyson to do it.

[941] But he's going to do it.

[942] But I think much like his assertions, he was saying, he says a lot of crazy shit about HIV, that HIV only exists in the immune system of people that are already compromised.

[943] And then what's really going on is those people are partying.

[944] Well, that's what she was doing.

[945] She was partying so hard that she was sick as fuck.

[946] So while she was sick as fuck, she's taking all these nasal decongestions.

[947] And really what it was is her body was too weak to fight off anything because she was just redlining and on heroin.

[948] That's what was going on.

[949] Scary, scary stuff.

[950] But, yeah, when he separated himself from the pack, Craig Ferguson did, when he did that thing about Britney Spears.

[951] He said, guys, that's a little girl, leave a little alone.

[952] She's got a substance of his problem.

[953] We're all just making fun of it like it's fine.

[954] She's a mom.

[955] She's fucking up her life.

[956] Tell Britney's business in the news today.

[957] She believes that folks are here.

[958] Can anyone watch Jay Leno anymore?

[959] Can anyone watch that?

[960] Jay Leno enjoy it?

[961] Which age group is watching that?

[962] I watch Kimmel at 1130 now.

[963] He beat Letterman this first show, too.

[964] That's good.

[965] That ratings.

[966] Jay Leno has always been nice to me. I'll always be nice to him.

[967] And we both like cars.

[968] Yeah, but man. Hey, Mr. Burton's business today.

[969] What do you think, guys?

[970] It's so crazy.

[971] God, that jaywalking thing.

[972] all of it's just like who are you playing to hey you know the people that like me nice folks wow nice folks I do remember when we were when we were striking for SAG I got my SAG card by striking doing a commercial strike of whatever it was 12 years ago and he drove by and honked and like put his hands up the window leaving his mansion in one of his 100 automobiles I'm with you guys till I'm going to lose any money though I got to pay for all this shit I've never seen a guy on earth that has more cars.

[973] That must seem like such a job after a while.

[974] Maintaining those cars?

[975] No, doing that for 30 years, five days a week.

[976] The Tonight Show?

[977] Yeah.

[978] He fucking loves it, though.

[979] Well, look, I love doing this.

[980] You know, I mean, this is obviously not the Tonight Show.

[981] It's a lot easier.

[982] Yeah, we just call it any day you want, say, we're not doing this.

[983] That's what's beautiful about it.

[984] But I love doing it, you know what I'm saying?

[985] Yeah.

[986] For him, like, the Tonight Show, that one hour a night that he does, it's fucking exciting.

[987] yeah he enjoys it he likes being a funny guy with some funny shit to say he likes sitting down and interviewing people he enjoys that his material on stage yep wow yeah yeah on like real stages yep he goes to the fucking comedy and magic club every sunday night man every sunday night he works out his monologue for the week yep yeah yeah got a bunch of jokes he wrote himself has comics over they eat fried chicken they write jokes how do you not love the guy yeah you know he's just doing shit that you don't like yeah he's just doing some pericomo shit you know what i mean he's doing some fucking, you know, it's just...

[988] Yeah, whenever he says, what's in the news today, I'm like, why do you care?

[989] Yeah.

[990] Well, he'd get a little edgy now and again.

[991] It's just, you know, that job is not that.

[992] That job is almost like it's...

[993] Yeah.

[994] So, you're a host.

[995] You know, you're a friendly host here to get a couple of chuckles.

[996] You're not there to make any big points.

[997] You're just there to sort of like get everybody grinning and then bring out the people that are selling books.

[998] Bring out the guy who's got a movie coming out.

[999] Bring out this.

[1000] That would get like...

[1001] I'm not into it.

[1002] Yeah.

[1003] But that's me. Maybe he likes it.

[1004] You know?

[1005] Some people really like talking to celebrities, too.

[1006] Dude, I got up at 8, no, 9 o 'clock in the morning on Sunday and drove, drove down to Bellflower to play in a pool tournament.

[1007] How many fucking people would be excited to do that?

[1008] It's a tiny fraction of the world's population.

[1009] In fact, if you told them they were going to do that, they'd be like, the fuck.

[1010] I don't want to go play pool.

[1011] 8 .30 a .m. I'm fucking suck at pool, and I'm not going to get up in the morning and then drive all the the fuck down there but to me it was like i'm gonna get up have a good breakfast try to get some coffee in me wake up get there early and knock some balls i like so you said as soon as you finish off in that tournament you went right back to another one yeah i played again on monday night because sunday night i didn't play good i was not awake man my i think if i'm ever going to play in a tournament in the morning i'd get at least do some calisthenics like i think maybe some jumping jacks or something like really actually get the yeah maybe run up a couple flights of stairs or something because I feel like my eyes couldn't see that good yet I was like blinking a lot and my arm wasn't loosened up I was just still stretching I'd barely you know been awake for like two hours or whatever it fucking was when I first started playing so I realized that like I need more preparation if you're gonna do something like that talk to people on the phone get loose a little walk around it's really fun though do you stretch beforehand no but I stretched during it sometimes like it's not my chance to shot.

[1012] I'll just sort of like, you know, put my leg on something and stretch.

[1013] What do you wear?

[1014] Do you look clothes?

[1015] Yeah.

[1016] No, I wear a Batman outfit, bro.

[1017] Well, I thought like a suit.

[1018] I play pool with a fucking mask on and a cape.

[1019] I wear a Mexican mask and a fucking car.

[1020] That would intimidate people.

[1021] If somebody came into a pool, I'll dress like that wanting action.

[1022] You'd be like, you're not getting my action.

[1023] The unique thing about pool is that nobody gives a fuck about anything else in the pool room except can you play.

[1024] That's like all they ever care about.

[1025] It's like a, it's like a place Like, pool halls are a place where you have a whole group of people that are addicted to a very specific activity.

[1026] Yeah.

[1027] And that's, like, hugely important to them in that world.

[1028] It's not really like that in comedy.

[1029] No, no, no, no. Like, if you meet a guy in comedy and the guy doesn't do stand -up, it never bothers you.

[1030] Or even if he's bad, but, like, pretty good guy, it bothers you a little, but it's not going to be like...

[1031] That bothered me for years.

[1032] I had to learn how to get over that.

[1033] When I came to the store, I learned to get over that because there was guys that I genuinely loved that I would see there every week, and I give him a big hug.

[1034] I just have to leave the room when they went on stage But I realize as a person He's a great guy He's just whatever limits him up there Everyone's got their own struggles to get there Or whatever their potential is not that great Whatever it is But it's like But if you're in a pool hall And you can't play They have no respect for you If the president was in the pool hall And he was fucking making shitty shots I'd just shake their head This motherfucker can't even get out They would just shake their head It's a weird thing When people lock on to one obsession together And, like, a group of golfers.

[1035] They're all just getting good.

[1036] People, I mean, it's not even always about getting good.

[1037] Sometimes it's just about being obsessed with a thing.

[1038] Oh, like people who play fantasy.

[1039] Yes.

[1040] Fantasy games.

[1041] You know, fantasy football even.

[1042] They'll get together and make fantasy games.

[1043] Those people always want to tell you about their goddamn fucking roster.

[1044] Can't believe Aryan Foster.

[1045] It's fucking, all he needed was six more yards at the end.

[1046] And then he goes, why would this entertain anyone?

[1047] Even the people in your league aren't entertained by this.

[1048] Did you hear about that junior?

[1049] How do you say his last name?

[1050] Junior Seo.

[1051] Junior Seo?

[1052] The guy who committed suicide, they found that he had CTE, had chronic brain disease.

[1053] Yeah, I saw the headline.

[1054] What is CTE?

[1055] That's what it was.

[1056] It's from traumatic.

[1057] Yeah, that was a football -related suicide.

[1058] Yeah, 100%.

[1059] Concussions.

[1060] Yeah, it's a traumatic brain disorder.

[1061] Yeah, it's bad.

[1062] It's very bad.

[1063] When people are intentional leaving their brains over to study, so the other football players don't have to go through.

[1064] through this and it's multiple yeah I'm starting to think football yeah um you know I think um it's very important to figure out like when this starts happening and how to cut it off like you take a few hits as a young man and I think you could take a few knockouts you know in fighting you can get you know you can you know I don't think they know they don't know and it varies that's another problem there's also I read this thing about a guy who committed suicide who got knocked unconscious high school football player real friendly nice everyone loved him and then they they sat him out and he did this stuff that was stimulating to his mind he went to a concert played a bunch of video games and committed suicide whoa and they were like yeah that's you're supposed to take off from all that barely read if anything but like sit alone no loud music because he played video games and he stimulated his mind too much it was just and his in his concussed I couldn't handle it.

[1065] So it just won it out and killed himself.

[1066] Yeah, he got super depressed.

[1067] They called him down for dinner and he was like not coming down.

[1068] He's hanging.

[1069] Oh, my God.

[1070] Jesus Christ.

[1071] And they're like, what's this coming from?

[1072] He showed no signs of depression prior.

[1073] And they're like, this can easily be caused by concussions until they're out of your system.

[1074] There's so much they don't understand.

[1075] Yeah.

[1076] The kind of concussions that you get in football, too, boy.

[1077] God.

[1078] You get people running at you.

[1079] The amount of force.

[1080] You're running that way and they're running this way.

[1081] And also, it's like, the ones where you don't get a concussion, you just get wrong.

[1082] Yeah.

[1083] You know, over and over and over again.

[1084] You're hitting helmets with other people.

[1085] In fact, they say that that's the biggest issue.

[1086] It's not even the actual concussions themselves.

[1087] It's the sub -concussive trauma that accumulates.

[1088] They're saying that's why people who've never been knocked out in the gym, they've just been hit so many times.

[1089] They get it.

[1090] And then all of a sudden out of nowhere, for whatever reason, they're just, their brain breaks.

[1091] And then they can't get hit anymore.

[1092] And you can hit them and they just fall down.

[1093] Like, it's a weird thing that happens.

[1094] to guys.

[1095] They just lose their chin.

[1096] They completely lose their chin.

[1097] And it's very dangerous.

[1098] I've seen them lose their chin.

[1099] I've seen that in UFC enough times.

[1100] It's like once you get knocked out once.

[1101] I don't know if it's because you were probably a little slower and that's why you got knocked out so you continue to get slower or just your chin is opened up.

[1102] Well, I actually talked to Chuck Ladell about this.

[1103] That's a good case I was thinking of too.

[1104] And what Chuck said is that, first of all, Chuck was legendary for his ability to take a punch.

[1105] Untouchable.

[1106] He just was tough as fucked.

[1107] bite down on his mouthpiece and swing at you.

[1108] You know, like, Alastair Overim and him fought in pride in the Grand Prix, the 203 -pound Grand Prix, I think their version of it.

[1109] They didn't call it light heavyweight.

[1110] I think they called it middleweight.

[1111] Okay.

[1112] And Alistair put it on him in that first round, man, tagged him, hit him with some vicious shots.

[1113] But Chuck Liddell just gritted down and eventually cracked Alastair with an overhand right and had him wobbled and then jumped all over him.

[1114] and stopped him.

[1115] If he was, a lot of other guys would have went down in that first round.

[1116] It's like, Chuck was just so tough.

[1117] Yeah.

[1118] You couldn't stop him.

[1119] His mind was so strong.

[1120] He was coming at you and he was so determined.

[1121] And what he said was that his body recognized that his mind was going to make it take more damage.

[1122] So his body would shut off.

[1123] His consciousness would actually shut itself off.

[1124] Because he would start to evolve?

[1125] It had known that this guy, this leads to damage.

[1126] When you get hit like this, if you let this guy drive you, he's going to keep going until the fucking wheels fall off and he'll take 100 shots to the head, just deliver one.

[1127] And then you've got to deal with the consequence of that.

[1128] So the body would shut itself off early.

[1129] So when you would be getting, you get tagged and your brain just says, that's it, check please, and just wants to shut you off.

[1130] Wow.

[1131] So if you looked at like Chuck's last fight, this last fight with Rich Franklin, perfect example because he looks in tremendous shape.

[1132] He looks fucking scary.

[1133] I mean, he's really ripped.

[1134] His wife is a fitness enthusiast, and she got him, like, eating healthy and wearing, like, a heart rate monitor and doing all this shit that he'd never done before.

[1135] And counting his calories every day and eating, like, really healthy foods.

[1136] So he got in, like, super good shape.

[1137] So he was, like, down for this Rich Franklin fight.

[1138] Broke Rich Franklin's arm with a big kick in the first round.

[1139] I mean, Rich Franklin was fucked going into that second round.

[1140] And Chuck is just going after him, and he gets clipped with a punch that five years ago, he would.

[1141] to ate it like a cookie.

[1142] He would have just ate that punch and just fucking swinged on it.

[1143] But his brain said, check please.

[1144] And he just shot him off.

[1145] And it was literally not a case of ability and not a case of will, but a case of his, he just took to many shots.

[1146] So that's what happens, according to him.

[1147] According to Chuck, and he would know better than anybody.

[1148] That makes sense to me. He's very honest about it.

[1149] So it's like, then once you have been exposed, like you're just done.

[1150] And even the first time, probably it was already your body had made the decision.

[1151] I don't know.

[1152] The first time you get knocked out, it was like, your body's like, just go off.

[1153] Anytime it happens, it's bad.

[1154] Whether it's the first time or the last, it's always bad when you get a concussion.

[1155] There's never a good concussion.

[1156] But I think it really varies.

[1157] For some people, they can get knocked out a few times and be fine.

[1158] And for other people, it's like one knockout could change their entire life.

[1159] And it's all those, you have to think about all the shit that happened even when you were young, too, that you don't really remember.

[1160] I mean, how many times did you hit your head?

[1161] I hit my head a bunch of scars all over the back of my head that aren't my hair transplant scar.

[1162] I've like big ass scars.

[1163] I could see you as a -bashing my head on the child being like one of those oversized puppies on the linoleum floor and just like running smash get up, run again.

[1164] I had way too much energy and just no direction for it at all.

[1165] I was always getting hurt.

[1166] Yeah, I was always doing stupid shit, you know.

[1167] When you're a young guy, like, have you ever seen those videos of those young teens in Russia that are always doing insane things?

[1168] Like they did a bungee cord, a homemade bungee cord off the roof of a building in the middle of the winter?

[1169] Did it break?

[1170] No. But this girl hung on to this bungee cord that it looks like they made it with some fucking cables they found.

[1171] She jumps off the fucking roof screaming.

[1172] Wow.

[1173] And there's another one of these Russian kids that are on a beam.

[1174] It's 900 feet above the fucking ground.

[1175] 900 feet.

[1176] And this guy is walking this tightrope above this beam and videotaping it at the same time.

[1177] And you will shit your pants when you watch that.

[1178] Wow.

[1179] It was so high up.

[1180] Well, when I was a kid, man, before I got into martial arts, I did all kinds of stupid shit that I could have done it from.

[1181] I jumped on the back of a train and hung on as a train went from stop to stop.

[1182] Really?

[1183] Yeah.

[1184] Yeah, man. I hung on to a train on the outside.

[1185] Me and my friend Jimmy.

[1186] We both did it.

[1187] Which city is this?

[1188] This is a Newton.

[1189] Oh, wow.

[1190] Man, we hopped on a tea.

[1191] It was fucking terrifying, man. The thing was going so fast.

[1192] It was so stupid.

[1193] When you're a teenager, when you're 14 years old or whatever the fuck we were, we're just, you're just dumb, man. Just do it.

[1194] Just do it.

[1195] You don't know the consequences or possible consequences.

[1196] And you also want to, like, prove to your friends.

[1197] You're not scared.

[1198] want to do something crazy so they'll talk about you you know that's you know what you do that with everyone ends up doing that with too is their um their emotions their heart for a while you pour yourself into some girl oh and then they just break you and then you're like oh can't do that anymore your body starts to like protect itself yeah boy you know always in love like when you're 15 yeah you can lose your whole identity yeah well you also become a sex addict you know once you start fucking and you realize like oh my god like this crazy feeling of like you know you can never really understand quite how good sex feels until you have sex.

[1199] How over you?

[1200] I think it was when I was, I think the actual intercourse was like a month before my 16th birthday.

[1201] That's, that seems too young to me. Oh, you don't know what the fuck you're doing.

[1202] I was laying pipe at 15.

[1203] Arie was a late bloomer.

[1204] That was 23.

[1205] Yeah, 23.

[1206] Well, um, I'm pretty sure my girlfriend was not a virgin at the time.

[1207] I had my first miscarriage at 15.

[1208] Who got you pregnant?

[1209] It was in a toilet.

[1210] No, no, the girl was doing.

[1211] Duh.

[1212] I remember looking at it going, Ugh.

[1213] Wait, she really had a miscarriage in a toilet?

[1214] Yeah, it was so gross looking.

[1215] What?

[1216] Did it?

[1217] And if that was just splotchy red?

[1218] If she didn't have that, and if she had the baby, can you imagine how different that would be?

[1219] Oh, your whole life would change.

[1220] Someone just told me something that I have to look up.

[1221] What?

[1222] Because I just remember about sheep.

[1223] No, about sheep.

[1224] And that you can have sex with a sheep and it conceives like some sort of an embryotic fetus that always gets aborted, it always miscarries.

[1225] Was it human?

[1226] You mean?

[1227] Sheep has the third closest vagina than human.

[1228] Yeah.

[1229] But apparently, get you piss on, son.

[1230] I'm not going to masturbate about she pussy.

[1231] I'm going to find out.

[1232] Is there any more weed in here?

[1233] Of course there's.

[1234] There's always weed in here.

[1235] Oh, you got yours?

[1236] Allegedly.

[1237] All in one E. I'm trying to find whether or not this is true.

[1238] And if it's not true, I'm going to be very upset with somebody.

[1239] Also, people on Twitter, a lot of people were going crazy that you said, that hydrocodine is not people are saying it's not oxy oxy is oxy hydrocodine's what's in vikodin oh she had vikin so it's a vikinin thing okay that's not i don't think vikin is an opiate i don't know all that shit's gross all it is is bad well whatever this poor girl my point remains it's like she was um thanks for the correction vikidin opiate yes vikin is an opiate Um, yeah, it's, yeah, that's exactly what it is.

[1240] Vicodone.

[1241] Okay, now we know.

[1242] It's all opiates, man. It's all, essentially, it's all the shit that we're in Afghanistan for.

[1243] Allegedly.

[1244] Allegedly.

[1245] Have you ever done Vicodin's?

[1246] Oh, yeah, tons of times.

[1247] I did Vicodin once.

[1248] And I had, uh, I don't like it.

[1249] I don't like it.

[1250] Yeah, we talked about this.

[1251] We both don't like Vicodin.

[1252] That's right.

[1253] It's hydrocodone.

[1254] Hydrocodone is Vicodon.

[1255] Oh, really?

[1256] Yeah.

[1257] What's oxycodone?

[1258] Yeah, oxy is oxy.

[1259] Hydrocodone is Vicodone, I guess.

[1260] Oh.

[1261] Yeah, I took Vicodin out a bunch for like after a surgery and it really stops you up.

[1262] It's, yeah, it does.

[1263] It won't let your shit at all.

[1264] And it just, you don't get shit done.

[1265] Oh, yeah.

[1266] I think it's for like, well, some people use it differently.

[1267] My friends have used it.

[1268] I mean, I like when I'm in pain to cover the pain.

[1269] But then it's like I won't be doing anything.

[1270] Right.

[1271] But some people love fucking killing all the pain.

[1272] one of those in a beer and it's like that makes just a good night yeah there's no way you can impregnate a fucking sheep and i can't even believe i'm looking this up i was in the middle of middle of doing this did you just make it out i'm like how can this be right no no no no no it was the third closest vagina someone said it to me and he's not a dummy that's what was he was a fucking very successful man means it just whatever we put in there fills up the sack well there's a thing that people need to stop doing with like shit like this yeah just go Google it and then tell me. Oh, I said that I heard.

[1273] Don't just tell me that a sheep can get pregnant from a fucking dude.

[1274] Son of a bitch.

[1275] But apparently, this is a very common myth.

[1276] Because there's a lot of these questions ever, all over those.

[1277] While humans can impregnate apes, they cannot impregnate sheep.

[1278] We can impregnate apes?

[1279] Wait, what?

[1280] Back that up.

[1281] Fuck out of here.

[1282] Back that up.

[1283] Okay, let's see.

[1284] Can a human impregnator?

[1285] Great babe prankers.

[1286] Well, that's that humanity.

[1287] you know we played that a couple of days ago the the weird chimpanzee that people suspected was a hybrid they thought it was a hybrid because it walked straight up it had like a hairless face it's really really unusual and do they say no no it's just a fucked up chimp just like a bunch of wacky things going on with its genetics but when you looked at it it was really you've never seen that um Oliver his name's Oliver his face up Brian just so you can a human and I'll look up can a human impregnate an ape.

[1288] What's his name again?

[1289] Oliver, the Humanzi.

[1290] All right.

[1291] Can the human impregnate an ape?

[1292] I say no. I say someone is wrong.

[1293] That seems like it shouldn't be allowed by nature.

[1294] They didn't work really hard to get a donkey and a fucking horse together.

[1295] Okay.

[1296] See, it looks like they tried to do it in the 1920s.

[1297] Who did?

[1298] Well, here's the issue.

[1299] Chimpanzees have the United States government did.

[1300] Oh!

[1301] No, that's not him.

[1302] That looks like Jeff Scott.

[1303] Oh, how dare you.

[1304] That's it right there, the gray, the black and white one, because it was a long time ago.

[1305] Look at his face.

[1306] It's really weird.

[1307] He's got no hair on it.

[1308] That's a hard one, too, because it's a close -up.

[1309] That looks like a chimp to me. Look at the other one.

[1310] Look at that one.

[1311] Up, up above.

[1312] Yeah, look at that.

[1313] Look at this one.

[1314] Yeah, that looks like a monkey to me. That looks like someone put glasses.

[1315] That's not real, though, dude.

[1316] They took, what's their name?

[1317] Who's the black guy who makes all the movies?

[1318] Chimps have 48 chromosomes.

[1319] No. He makes like a one movie.

[1320] What?

[1321] Tyler Perry.

[1322] It looks like Tyler Perry.

[1323] Chimps have 48 chromosomes and humans have 46, so it really doesn't make sense, apparently, that they could mate.

[1324] So if a fetus is...

[1325] The horses and donkeys have the same amount of chromosomes?

[1326] What about tigers and lions?

[1327] What's a chromosome?

[1328] Well, tigers and lions can meet.

[1329] They can.

[1330] They become a liger.

[1331] Yeah, yeah.

[1332] But the lagers are barren, right?

[1333] Exactly.

[1334] Yeah, same with mule with donkey and horse.

[1335] Yeah, a lot of times hybrids can't breed for some strange reason.

[1336] Because God says no You can only go around me so much You fucked up Mr. Rock Pass I wore a diaper all day on Tuesday Son of a bitch How was that?

[1337] Just shitting it Pretty interesting No I pissed in it And that felt weird I pooped in one You pooped in one?

[1338] Yeah he had a whole joke You used to do about it Yeah this is a depends on But they make them like underwear looking now Yeah They're really Great I pooped and then went to Target Ew With it in there Yeah I pooped at Target so apparently they tried to make like an ape pregnant with human sperm they tried to do it in the 1920s but it didn't work using artificial insemination they were trying to do it some sick fucks what if they did you know what if there was some real island of dr moro shit out there it was half human half chimp yeah i'd be okay with that would you be okay with like taking a trip to go watch them what's security like machine gun is Israeli, Massad.

[1339] How about that?

[1340] Okay, but I'm saying he's not walking around the grounds like he's part -owner of the place.

[1341] He's not treated like an equal, is he?

[1342] I'm thinking giant plexiglass wall.

[1343] You're watching from a distance.

[1344] We're watching that way, not like having luck at him.

[1345] I'm going to hate you.

[1346] You made a half monkey.

[1347] Chimps are mean as fuck and people are mean as fuck.

[1348] Kill me. Remember that in the fly?

[1349] Yeah.

[1350] Kill me. Oh, Jesus.

[1351] He's half dog, half human.

[1352] That was a great movie.

[1353] Yeah.

[1354] I need to watch that again.

[1355] They didn't remake that.

[1356] They kept it alive.

[1357] That's what...

[1358] They already did remake it.

[1359] That was a remake.

[1360] Jeff Goldblum was a bad motherfucker.

[1361] He was such a bad motherfucker that you talk about his version of fly.

[1362] You know, it's like you talk about Frankenstein, you go all the way back to Lon Cheney.

[1363] Yeah.

[1364] You know, you all go, Boris Karloff.

[1365] You don't go to the new one.

[1366] Yeah, you don't go to fucking...

[1367] Even De Niro, you go to Boris Karloff.

[1368] That's Frankenstein.

[1369] The flat head and the bolts and shit.

[1370] That's what Frankenstein's fucking looks like.

[1371] But not with the...

[1372] The fly.

[1373] The fly, you go with Jeff Gold.

[1374] Not the black and white one.

[1375] He nailed it.

[1376] he was so creepy he was so good that was when he was young he was a shut in fire in his life yeah he was an animal man he was like the shut in it just only wanted to do he had a hot girlfriend for whatever reason jena davis yeah jena davis you remember when he would um he got fucked up like he was becoming more and more of the fly so he started going out to places and fucking with people and getting arm wrestling with dudes and he broke his arm back yeah he's twitching and shit and fucking like crazy and he impregnated her that was a great he impregnated with a half fly that Yes, remember?

[1377] No, what happened?

[1378] I don't know.

[1379] I don't think it lived.

[1380] I mean, I think she probably had an abortion or something.

[1381] Or the end of the movie ended.

[1382] I don't remember.

[1383] I haven't seen it in like 10 years.

[1384] But I remember it was a fucking awesome movie.

[1385] Because I was always like, I would always watch Star Trek and the beam up part, you know, Captain Kirk, old school, original.

[1386] And, you know, when they, Scotty, beam me up.

[1387] And they were, all of a sudden you, I'm like, wow, they're going to do that someday.

[1388] Someday they're going to be able to make you disappear and then reappear somewhere.

[1389] Yeah.

[1390] But I remember.

[1391] every now and then there would be some fuck -ups and someone would come out dead they would come out all fucked up from the transfer or they transported them to no coordinates and then just forever they're just in route oh you're just stuck in space flying around yeah it's amazing they used to do those things with the next generation where they said beam them up and they go oh his phaser has already been like it's being fired they're like oh disable it like they're about to kill somebody on the surface right right right yeah the idea that you could do that to somebody What are they being me into this table?

[1392] You know what's really stupid about the next generation?

[1393] What?

[1394] No internet.

[1395] No, they all had fucking, they all had iPads.

[1396] iPads?

[1397] Yeah.

[1398] They had iPads?

[1399] Captain Picard had iPads?

[1400] He didn't know what it was back then?

[1401] Yeah.

[1402] But did he go online ever?

[1403] He did something with it and went like this.

[1404] It was just kind of like the remote control for the ship, I thought.

[1405] No, no, no, in his quarters.

[1406] In his quarters, he had an iPad.

[1407] Yeah, he would like, way more of a geek, he could read on stuff.

[1408] Oh, he could read on it?

[1409] Uh -huh.

[1410] Really?

[1411] They could read on it.

[1412] So they had that before the actual iPad?

[1413] Mm -hmm.

[1414] Oh, wow.

[1415] I wonder if that's what they got the idea.

[1416] I'm just remembering this now.

[1417] I do not remember ever seeing anybody going online.

[1418] But I guess that would be implied if they're fucking on a tablet.

[1419] Yeah, here's Picard's iPad.

[1420] Yeah, but that's not to email.

[1421] You see?

[1422] It is.

[1423] Oh, wow.

[1424] What year was this?

[1425] This is fucking 90?

[1426] Maybe.

[1427] No, no, no, no, not 90.

[1428] Is that a book or is that an actual?

[1429] an extensive tablet.

[1430] Tablet.

[1431] Have we been able to access any of those records?

[1432] We did try to download.

[1433] Look at this stupid goggles on, man. You're telling me you can fly to other planets.

[1434] You're making me wear this shit.

[1435] It's definitely not past like 94 -95.

[1436] Yeah.

[1437] And he's got the smart cover on the back of it, you can tell.

[1438] That doesn't even make sense.

[1439] How could he've been so wise as to see that coming?

[1440] Oh, because it's just obvious.

[1441] It's just obvious.

[1442] But do you see it at all?

[1443] Do you get to see it?

[1444] No, you don't see it.

[1445] They hide it very cleverly.

[1446] Because they haven't invented it yet.

[1447] It still hadn't yet.

[1448] Does Apple owe them money?

[1449] Because it seems like they invented that shit.

[1450] Seems like I've stealing a bunch of shit from people.

[1451] Yeah.

[1452] Have you guys noticed, I'm starting to notice this trend that Apple, since Steve Jobs left, starting to fuck up a little.

[1453] What do you mean?

[1454] They definitely fucked up with maps.

[1455] The new things, Steve Jobs never would have never let that stay.

[1456] Yeah.

[1457] He never would have let that go on his watch.

[1458] And everybody now, it keeps messing up.

[1459] Like, the iPhone 5 ain't that much better than the 4S.

[1460] I enjoy it the screen.

[1461] A little bigger screen size And you're giving a battery light for that What do you expect is to have a fucking Laser beams?

[1462] Oh yeah you're giving a battery light for that Yeah you're not The battery life on the 5 is way worse No it's not Yes it is Breathe the forms Hold on hold on hold on This is silly We can't say that more than twice Yes it is No it's not Yes it is no stuff You gotta stop there Or people will fucking switch To the Jane War show Everyone's complaining about it Oh battery life But it doesn't really do anything better Than the iPhone 4 did the 4s i mean there's only so much you can do there's nothing there's no real big don't release this brand new thing like it's the newest thing they don't buy it okay what you're doing though is sticking up for apple no matter because people like me enjoy it's not that much better i enjoy a bigger screen i enjoy the 4g light lTE or whatever i enjoy it yeah i enjoy the faster internet i enjoy all the better camera i enjoy it yeah i use the phone more than i use anything anything, like more than anything I own, I use my phone the most.

[1463] Yeah, I just don't think it's that much better than the 4S.

[1464] So you have the talking capabilities, and then what else?

[1465] 4S?

[1466] Yeah.

[1467] Both support.

[1468] You get faster internet?

[1469] Well, there's an internet.

[1470] There's a lot of bigger screen.

[1471] There's a lot of camera.

[1472] Well, I agree.

[1473] You still can't use it with a cover.

[1474] No, you can.

[1475] You got to get a better cover.

[1476] You got a shitty cover.

[1477] This covers the shit.

[1478] I got a cover that slides out, so it clips on to my pocket, so I never lose it.

[1479] It's got a wide hole.

[1480] It's big enough.

[1481] Yeah, it's all about the wide hole.

[1482] You buy these cheap, Jewie ones that you get for like $2.

[1483] I bought expensive ones, too.

[1484] So about the wide hole, baby.

[1485] I bought expensive ones, too.

[1486] They're all messed up.

[1487] So about getting that wide hole.

[1488] Yeah.

[1489] The overwhelming consensus says that the iPhone 5 battery life is way worse than the iPhone 4.

[1490] It seems like there's a lot.

[1491] Yeah, but it's just other people like on message boards.

[1492] There's people that have actually tested it, and it's supposed to have the same battery.

[1493] Well, the issue, first of all, the issue with Verreux.

[1494] Verizon is the LTE.

[1495] When you're on the LTE, like if you use any internet on the LTE, that shit will burn battery.

[1496] Right.

[1497] That stuff burns it.

[1498] Well, I go on LTE.

[1499] I'm on AT &T.

[1500] You son of a bitch.

[1501] It's okay.

[1502] It's not that much better.

[1503] It's definitely worse battery life.

[1504] I guess it's a better camera that doesn't inspire me as much.

[1505] Yeah, there's like, there's something good to it.

[1506] It's a good camera.

[1507] When people ask me if they should get it, I'm like, yeah, I mean, if you really need a phone, but don't upgrade, it ain't worth that much.

[1508] All right, so here's the actual Gizmodo battery life for the iPhone 5, iPhone 4S, and 4.

[1509] It's pretty much, get out of here, you.

[1510] What?

[1511] It's 8 hours talk for the 5, the 4S is 8 hours talk, the 4 is 8 hours talk, the 4 is 7, and then for the iPhone 5 on the web is 8 hours, the 4S is 6 hours, and then...

[1512] Maybe it's because it keeps searching for the LTE.

[1513] On Wi -Fi, it's 10 and 9.

[1514] I'm telling you right now, Ari, exactly what it is, is your apartment sucks for any kind of service.

[1515] Yeah, but even when I'm out, it goes down faster.

[1516] But my apartment sucks up my old phone, too.

[1517] Here's the, here's another issue.

[1518] The apartment's the same with the four in the four S and the five.

[1519] There's an Apple update.

[1520] Have you, do you, have you been updating your phone?

[1521] Do you update your...

[1522] Yeah, it always checks for updates.

[1523] But do you do it?

[1524] Yeah, whenever it asks.

[1525] Okay.

[1526] Because there was an update.

[1527] The update made a significant impact on the battery.

[1528] Also, Ari lives in a place.

[1529] But I lived there with the four.

[1530] Yeah.

[1531] I wouldn't notice a difference because I'm still in the same spot.

[1532] You are connecting to a different network.

[1533] They're connecting to LTE instead of connecting to the older 3G.

[1534] Meaning there's 3G everywhere.

[1535] There's not as much LTE everywhere.

[1536] If you take your phone off LTE and put it on 3G, then you'll have the similar battery life.

[1537] But you're living in a place where it's constantly searching for a signal.

[1538] It's also all of L .A., though.

[1539] Even when I go out, though, it does it.

[1540] I have to take what I said back.

[1541] It was actually the iOS, it was killing the iPad.

[1542] I guess it is, okay, no, it is iPhone 5.

[1543] It's iPhone 5 and iPad Mini.

[1544] They were both having a problem with iOS 6 .02, and it was...

[1545] Sucking the battery, yeah.

[1546] It was killing the battery life.

[1547] I never changed right away.

[1548] I always let some shit sit out there for a while.

[1549] It's usually when people start complaining and then they fix it and then you can get it.

[1550] I do find it amazing, though.

[1551] They're constantly updating the system.

[1552] I find it amazing.

[1553] They're constantly coming up with new shit.

[1554] I mean, I think it's incredible.

[1555] And I think the iPhone 5, even though it's not perfect, I think we're being a bunch of whiny cunts.

[1556] It's still a fucking amazing phone.

[1557] It's amazing.

[1558] I mean, five years ago, I mean, this thing, I conduct so much business from this.

[1559] I tweet.

[1560] I call my management.

[1561] And you wouldn't do those things before us.

[1562] It's better.

[1563] It's faster.

[1564] It's faster.

[1565] It gets, like, you know when I really see it?

[1566] People send me images or if they send me videos.

[1567] Because people will send me little videos to approve.

[1568] I can actually improve them on my, like when we're doing some stuff.

[1569] And the 4S can't log into that anymore?

[1570] When we're doing some stuff with my stand -up special, they would send me some clips.

[1571] And I could just put in my earpones, press that.

[1572] I could download three, four megabytes on an email attachment like that with LTE and watch it.

[1573] It's way faster than just regular 3G.

[1574] It's just way faster.

[1575] Something that would take like four times as long, and I'm not even exaggerate.

[1576] And it's a great hot spot.

[1577] Like when I have my, like my iPad mini, I can just sit there, turn on my hotspot, and now I have 4G LTE, which is like DSL or faster internet on my iPad.

[1578] So it's great for hotspotting, too.

[1579] It's the network.

[1580] It's a huge deal for that phone.

[1581] But when it comes to getting online, or when it comes to looking at movies, or even looking at pictures, you can't fuck with those galaxies, those Android phones, those giant galaxy.

[1582] Their screens are fucking huge.

[1583] They have the Samsung Galaxy S3 and the Galaxy Note.

[1584] And the Galaxy...

[1585] I tell you, Joe.

[1586] This is the way to go.

[1587] The 7 -inch iPad.

[1588] Because if you're going to look at anything, why don't you do it on this?

[1589] Right.

[1590] Why not the bigger iPad?

[1591] And this fits in your pocket.

[1592] Maybe I should bring painter's pants back.

[1593] That's what I'm saying.

[1594] Well, maybe painter's pants.

[1595] Yeah.

[1596] I'm going to go.

[1597] I used to wear cargo pants when I did Fear Factor.

[1598] I always wore cargo pants.

[1599] I remember those days when you wore those pants.

[1600] Oh.

[1601] What the hell, man. So you can't on the old iPhone 4s, you can't go on the LTE, huh?

[1602] The old, the 4s is go to the LTE, huh?

[1603] The old, the 4S is go too.

[1604] 4G which is like a slow only with AT &T yeah with AT &T only not with Verizon 4G LTE is faster than that do you um do they have the uh I'm just on 4G phone um version of the iPad miniat where it works it gets on oh yeah yeah they have wait so when my phone says LTE and when it says 4G which one's moving faster LTE LTE is the shit that's but it doesn't get that in many's spots is that the deal well not where you live in around Hollywood it's or right here yeah why would it get it in Hollywood where there's a billion billion people.

[1605] Why have good service there?

[1606] It doesn't make sense.

[1607] You know, it's like Anthony Bourdain is convinced that China's going to overtake the earth because their work ethic and the way they get shit done and how quickly they get shit done.

[1608] He's like, you've never seen anything like it.

[1609] He goes, you could be out in the middle of a fucking massive forest, no people anywhere in sight, five bars.

[1610] He's like, it's crazy.

[1611] You get cell phone signals everywhere.

[1612] And they put up a city in like a week.

[1613] In China?

[1614] Throw up a city.

[1615] And they're just going to.

[1616] crazy industrial worker ants what do they think it's like uh that when world of warcraft where you just build up your area and don't attack and then when you do attack you're like what the other people are so overwhelmed by it well if they just came over here on boats would be fucked if if china wanted to destroy the united states all that have to do is get every chinese person from china on boat come over to america and just start walking what are you going to do just walk across the entire continent we're going to do it you're going to rest everybody you don't have the resources they would overwhelm us just by sheer numbers.

[1617] How soon before the Chinese Americans would say, fuck it, let's just join up, they can't tell.

[1618] They would learn Chinese.

[1619] They would.

[1620] They would get some of those fucking...

[1621] I wouldn't blame them.

[1622] What are those Rosetta Stones?

[1623] Have you ever tried to use that?

[1624] You ever try to learn a language?

[1625] If downloading the stuff and then never listen to it is trying, yes, many times.

[1626] It's very hard.

[1627] It's very hard, actually.

[1628] Do you still speak Hebrew?

[1629] I mean, I can understand a little bit, but I can't think of all this stuff.

[1630] But you used to be fluent, right?

[1631] Yeah, I can get by basically.

[1632] if you think if you went back to Israel you would like notice how I said that Israel I didn't say Israel Asrael If you went back there Would you how long would it take Do you think before you could be fluent again I'd have to leave like Jerusalem Oh really?

[1633] Why is that?

[1634] Because too many English speakers Yeah How many English speakers are in Jerusalem?

[1635] Everybody?

[1636] A lot Really Oh yeah and they're almost all It's center of town and stuff Every business owner knows English You can't get by without it Really?

[1637] Yeah it's just it's silly to try not to Is the tourist trade over there a big What am I?

[1638] He's a fucking tourist director for Israel?

[1639] No, it is big.

[1640] So the antifada really hurt them for that.

[1641] For him terms of money, people, it really took a plummet.

[1642] The most recent, the intifada?

[1643] Yeah.

[1644] What does that mean, the intifada?

[1645] Uprising.

[1646] The uprising.

[1647] Yeah.

[1648] It's been 10, 12 years now.

[1649] Okay.

[1650] That and that, that constant threat of violence.

[1651] Although I think it's probably recovered from there since the beginnings of it.

[1652] In the last few years, it's been more peaceful.

[1653] If they could just keep a little fake violence going on and keep people out, it's probably a good move.

[1654] Oh, in terms of like, yeah.

[1655] Those people that would go there, like the Christian missionary types.

[1656] Well, that's who settles in the settlements, when they're like, you keep building new settlements.

[1657] Those are the Americans coming over.

[1658] Really?

[1659] The Americans that they're like, yeah, we want to help reclaim the land of Israel.

[1660] So all those fucking Zionists that go back.

[1661] So the Americans come over and they want to help reclaim Israel.

[1662] So they're settling where?

[1663] In the argued lands.

[1664] And whose side are they on?

[1665] Israel.

[1666] So they're coming over.

[1667] They land in...

[1668] So we want to live in Israel?

[1669] And guess what?

[1670] This is part of Israel.

[1671] The only way we can show that is by...

[1672] building a house right here.

[1673] Oh, my God.

[1674] But you're next to someone else's house, and you have a watchtower and a guard.

[1675] So are they American Jews?

[1676] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1677] Oh, it's not like sympathizers.

[1678] Uh -uh.

[1679] Yeah, it's like, what you guys put up with is really wrong.

[1680] I'm going to go over there in support.

[1681] There would be people that would do it.

[1682] Sort of like, you know, like that American Taliban character.

[1683] Yeah, the one guy, Walker.

[1684] Yeah, John Walker Lynn, is that what is the name was?

[1685] Who went over there?

[1686] I've been obsessed with that show, Homeland.

[1687] Oh, really?

[1688] Have you seen that show?

[1689] No, I just downloaded the first season.

[1690] It's fucking good.

[1691] Really?

[1692] And the second season's even fucking better.

[1693] I was not even remotely into seeing it until I did, but a lot of, it revolves around him being a prisoner of war.

[1694] Because you hear Claire Danes, you're like, what?

[1695] Forget it.

[1696] That bitch can act her ass off off.

[1697] Oh, yeah, she's good, though.

[1698] She can act her ass off.

[1699] I love doing my so -called life.

[1700] I never saw that because I'm a man. Well, I was a little boy who sided with her and Jared Lido, knew how hard it was in high school.

[1701] Oh, did you really side with them?

[1702] Oh, yeah.

[1703] definitely hurt she was awkward she wasn't one of the popular kids just like me man yeah just like you she knows what i'm going through i hear you bro that fucking lito guy what about him he was okay because he let he let clardaines be cool with him this ipad wow this is from 1968 2001 a space odyssey whoa yeah he had ipads if you ever watched that a space honesty his version of the future is really interesting whoa they never watch that they had i just saw it again recently when i did my taxes last year God damn 2001 and didn't they have a 2010 the year we make contact or something like that wasn't another one That was not Kubrick I don't think It wasn't Kubrick No I think they just said let's keep How dare you Let's keep it going Who the fuck let them do that Hollywood like they do everything Fucking twat bags Speaking of Hollywood like they do everything Steven Spielberg Pushed back our friend The Robo Apocalypse guy Pushback Daniel H. Wilson Yeah They were supposed to do that movie They were supposed to do the, the Robo Apocalypse movie, and apparently he pulled out of it.

[1704] Spielberg did?

[1705] Yeah.

[1706] You know why?

[1707] Because Spielberg won't allow an apocalypse in his movies.

[1708] His version of the world is everything always turns out A -OK.

[1709] Well, I don't know if it's that.

[1710] I mean, I think it's probably that he's tired.

[1711] The guy just got done doing Lincoln.

[1712] Oh, maybe.

[1713] It was a huge movie that took forever to shoot.

[1714] How is he going to do an apocalypse?

[1715] Well, you know, it's a science fiction fucking movie, dude.

[1716] Robopocalypse.

[1717] How are they going to do that and still keep that worldview of, like, We'll all be okay.

[1718] Because in the end, the good guys probably win.

[1719] Oh, maybe.

[1720] Wouldn't that be nice?

[1721] So you walk out of there feeling good about yourself?

[1722] That's good.

[1723] That's what I always hated about his movies.

[1724] Well, his early movies, it's really interesting that you say that because some of the choices that he made in his early movies, he said he would never make now.

[1725] Really?

[1726] Yeah, like in Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

[1727] Remember when Richard Dreyfus leaves his family to go with the aliens?

[1728] He said he would never do that now.

[1729] He would say family's more important.

[1730] He's going to stay with his family.

[1731] family yeah yeah that's something a single guy would think yeah you know a single guy would think fuck these wife and kid i'm look i love you baby but you know you're gonna have to take care of that kid i'm going off the aliens yeah yeah that wouldn't you would be the shittiest fucking parent to ever live to want to do that it's nice enough that you saw the aliens okay you saw them you know they exist thank you for showing yourself to me but i'm gonna go back to work i got i got what am i going to do that with you why can't i'm not going to fucking go fly with you to another planet that's not why would that be good you wouldn't even be able to talk to them it would be a fucking mess i mean think about the experiences that he had with them in the movie it wasn't like they were a bundle of joy he's so excited to go with them why because they they have better iPads they're different yeah what is it they have fast to go with them they have 18g we got to go you know what is it why would they want why the fuck would you want to go and party with aliens they're little you knock into them they fall down immediately they probably heads crack open because they're these giant heads probably not used to violence at all they're probably super soft, you know?

[1732] Just you get to accidentally break them, I bet.

[1733] Ari, not all of Spielberg's movies for like happy endings.

[1734] Show me one.

[1735] Schindler's List.

[1736] Yeah.

[1737] No, but he did it.

[1738] It was a fucking Holocaust movie and he still talked about overcoming and meeting all these survivors.

[1739] Yeah.

[1740] He managed to do that no matter what.

[1741] But no one left the Schindler's list like, that was a great happy movie.

[1742] Did you think that saving private Ryan was cute at the end?

[1743] It was kind of sweet at the end when the guy was.

[1744] It was sweet.

[1745] He's got his family there with him, all supporting them.

[1746] He's all supporting the fact that he's spent the majority of his life.

[1747] But I'm saying that's what Spielberg does.

[1748] He fucking goes over stuff and just rewrites everything so that he can...

[1749] I don't remember the Twilight Zone.

[1750] Color Purple?

[1751] Yeah.

[1752] He directed at Twilandes.

[1753] There's sad scenes, but in the end, he always makes everything okay.

[1754] Even fucking the robot movie where he still got to go see his mom one last time.

[1755] What was the robot movie?

[1756] Like I Robot or something?

[1757] No, not I robot.

[1758] You know what he's also making, though, the one with the Jurassic Park.

[1759] The kid replaced...

[1760] Why would you make another Jurassic Park?

[1761] Because the other ones were all.

[1762] Awesome.

[1763] Because the other ones don't look to it's so good anymore.

[1764] And now we have better CGI.

[1765] Yeah, we have better now.

[1766] You look at the old ones.

[1767] You look at the old ones on a TV.

[1768] It doesn't look so great.

[1769] Well, that's not true.

[1770] I just saw Jurassic Park the other day.

[1771] I thought it was fucking great.

[1772] Really?

[1773] Didn't the dinosaurs look fake to you?

[1774] I remember the first time I saw him, I was on the edge of my seat going, this is amazing.

[1775] I saw him on TV and it was like, no. I didn't think they looked fake at all.

[1776] You thought they looked fake?

[1777] Yeah.

[1778] He's too busy making real steel two.

[1779] Who was?

[1780] Didn't you do real steel one?

[1781] Executive producer.

[1782] What the fuck is that?

[1783] how dare he it looked good in the preview but I'm sure it's real steel look good I like robots at fight he didn't do I am legend no no no who was that I don't know was that the guy I did Memento no he did AI AI that's what it was that was a good one yeah that was a good one I mean he's a brilliant director but it's kind of interesting these guys that they get older and they just get kind of softer like George Lucas more conservative it's not just more conservative but they lose their vitality yeah there's there's no like a real spark inside of their work anymore it's a very strange thing that happens with some folks it doesn't happen everybody like with george carlin it never happened that guy was fucking grinding it out to the day he died you know some guys it doesn't happen some guys they get better in time quentin tarentino he's not slowing down that guy's fucking awesome that de jango movie was a real fucking movie A real crazy ass Dudes eating by dogs Crazy ass fucking movie He's not slowing down at all But something happens to some of them Where they just become such posies Lucas He is the worst He's the worst You go back and watch Star Wars 1 At the time In the era when I saw it That was a fucking masterpiece Yeah it's so cheese dickish now It's so chees dickish You're like what How was I even if I was six I don't think this was sure Should have been...

[1784] Is it Indiana Jones real bad, or did that...

[1785] The latest one.

[1786] Oh, not the latest one.

[1787] What about the early ones?

[1788] If you've seen the early ones of those?

[1789] Great.

[1790] The early ones are great.

[1791] And when he was getting pussy and shit...

[1792] Remember when that girl...

[1793] Dirty and sweaty and kissing each other?

[1794] And now he's like an old man. It's fucking back hurts.

[1795] Can't whip that good.

[1796] Remember his students were coming on to him?

[1797] Snakes.

[1798] His hot students were like blinking and then on their eyelids were written, I love you.

[1799] Yes, the shit was hot.

[1800] Remember short round?

[1801] A little Asian kid.

[1802] Yeah, he went from being...

[1803] Like, the hot stud professor guy to be in someone's dad, you know, that's what happened.

[1804] He, like, lost it all somewhere along the line.

[1805] He was like someone's...

[1806] Who, Lucas?

[1807] Yeah.

[1808] No, like Harrison Ford's character.

[1809] It's like, now he's like someone's dad.

[1810] It's like, oh, you rascally kids, I'm just here to get that crystal skull.

[1811] Like, you back to the early one, we had to run away from fucking giant boulders that were set as traps, and he's trying to get these artifacts.

[1812] The first one was great.

[1813] They're making a new one.

[1814] They're making a new one.

[1815] I'm glad at least they got Star Wars away from Lucas.

[1816] Yeah.

[1817] Well, yeah, they gave it to Disney.

[1818] What are they going to do with it?

[1819] They're going to have...

[1820] Maybe they might be something good.

[1821] Rapunzel's going to be in Star Wars.

[1822] That's what we're going to have.

[1823] Well, at least the creatures would be cuter.

[1824] Like the Ewox would be adorable.

[1825] Don't you have this idea that like, well, they can't fuck it up.

[1826] This thing, they can't mess it up completely.

[1827] But then you realize, like, no, it's just property to somebody.

[1828] They can do whatever they want to it.

[1829] They could have Rapunzel in there.

[1830] Yeah, why not?

[1831] They could do whatever the fuck they wanted and it and it'd be fine.

[1832] There's nothing we could do about it.

[1833] I'm worried about Pixar.

[1834] Lost in Star Wars with Mickey and Minnie.

[1835] Flying to the galaxy.

[1836] They're just going to Indiana Jones right yesterday.

[1837] Little ears popping out of their fucking helmets.

[1838] Can you imagine Yoda gets together with Mickey and teaches Mickey how to fight?

[1839] And then it's like the first one, was the, the sword, was the sorcerer and his apprentice, sorcerer's apprenticed?

[1840] Was that his, the Mickey Mouse the first one?

[1841] Oh, yeah, Sorcerer's Apprentice, I think so.

[1842] Yeah.

[1843] Was that what it's called Fantasia?

[1844] Fantasia.

[1845] The musical.

[1846] Yeah.

[1847] It was a fucking amazing little piece of work.

[1848] But, I mean, it's essentially, you know, about a magician's apprentice who fucks up and everything goes terribly wrong, right?

[1849] Isn't that what it does?

[1850] Really, it's just like, look at what we can do now.

[1851] Yeah, look at this animation phone with music.

[1852] Look at what we can do.

[1853] But how could that be any different if he was hanging out with Yoda?

[1854] If he was hanging out with Yoda, it would be, like, very simple.

[1855] You know, like, he would, Yoda would tell him, you know, oh, trust the force, you must.

[1856] and then he would go off and fuck up and turn everything to a river It's the same movie Yeah Oh, the force did it Add yoga Or add Yoda You had yoga Oh Mickey What are you and you're doing No that's yogi man Dude yoga's like some ancient Hindu wrestling stretches Oh yeah Oh yeah I've heard of that You're holding poses Huss I'm going to get Rolfed tomorrow What is that?

[1857] I have a bulging disc in my back I have a back issue or my my my I've had a back injury that I've reoccurred so many times that the disc is starting to uh get inflamed and like slightly protrudes really yeah it's not not too bad it's not like I don't need surgery anything like that but one of the things they do to relax attention the area is this thing called ralphing which is supposed to be like a lot like getting raped by pliers oh sounds awesome what do rip your fucking skin apart they tear your muscle away from your bone smash it and really rip it apart It's nothing like R -O -F -L.

[1858] Rolfing?

[1859] Ruffling.

[1860] What's ruffling on the floor laughing?

[1861] Oh.

[1862] It's the most you can do.

[1863] Well, if you guys heard of that...

[1864] In four letters or less.

[1865] Have you heard of Zorbing?

[1866] No, what's Zorbing?

[1867] What is that sport where they get in a giant ball and they roll with it?

[1868] Some dude just died in that, right?

[1869] Yes, just two Russian guys.

[1870] What is it?

[1871] What is it?

[1872] Off a fucking cliff.

[1873] Wow.

[1874] Dude, there's a video of it, by the way.

[1875] Of them going off the cliff?

[1876] C. Signior.

[1877] Brian.

[1878] What's it?

[1879] I think it's called Zorbing.

[1880] Guy in a giant ball.

[1881] Hold on.

[1882] Guy dies, Zorbing.

[1883] Zorbing.

[1884] This is what Wayne Coyne does in the Flaming Lips concerts.

[1885] He walks into the crowd on the giant ball.

[1886] As long as he doesn't do that, yeah, Zorbing.

[1887] Man dials while Zorbing.

[1888] It's so scary.

[1889] Put it up.

[1890] Don't just share it yourself.

[1891] The internet's going crazy.

[1892] Yeah, the internet here sucks a fat one.

[1893] But only mobile mode.

[1894] Only for another month.

[1895] You too.

[1896] Speaking of internet, my special passive aggressive will be available for pre -sale.

[1897] Power.

[1898] Tomorrow.

[1899] Man, that was fast.

[1900] Chill .com.

[1901] It'll be available to tomorrow.

[1902] Want for pre -sale.

[1903] For presale.

[1904] And when does it sail?

[1905] I think February 5th.

[1906] Oh, okay.

[1907] So they have to just hold their dicks for two weeks.

[1908] I'm still editing and stuff.

[1909] Oh, that's pretty.

[1910] Look at this.

[1911] R .S. That's pretty much.

[1912] One of them died, the other was badly injured, when the Zorb, as the transparent globe is called, veered off course and went over a cliff in the Caucasus Mountains.

[1913] This video shows their terrifying ride.

[1914] At one point, the man recording the footage can be heard telling people the ball won't roll away and that everything's going to be okay.

[1915] But eventually the ball did roll to a rocky ledge and bounced over it going down the side of the mountain.

[1916] That's really fast.

[1917] The sort of Zorbing started in the 1990s in New Zealand and is now, down around the world.

[1918] This accident has prompted the head of Russia's emergency rescue services to demand that safety rules from winter sports be enforced.

[1919] In Russia, that's a big move.

[1920] That's a big move.

[1921] Enforce winter safety rules.

[1922] In Russia, we have rules for fun.

[1923] In Russia, you can't just get in ball and go off cliff.

[1924] It makes us look bad.

[1925] You know, Russians don't really smile.

[1926] They do.

[1927] They do.

[1928] Fader smiles.

[1929] There's, uh, there's, uh, It's not when they have a dick in them.

[1930] Okay, you're going to have to deal with that one.

[1931] Russian use bungee cord.

[1932] How do you want bungee?

[1933] B -U -N -G -G -E or J?

[1934] G -E -E -E -C -E -C -E -Cord off roof.

[1935] Here's the longer.

[1936] Oh, you don't need to see it, man. It's a sadness.

[1937] Oh, and the other one's trapped with the other one dead.

[1938] Yeah.

[1939] Like, he fell.

[1940] You're bouncing like that, you're clashing heads together.

[1941] And that guy yells, don't say those people.

[1942] Yeah, yeah, it's like, they're going to be fine, don't worry.

[1943] Don't worry.

[1944] Pizzed.

[1945] Look at this idiot.

[1946] Uh -oh.

[1947] And that's when they realized it's...

[1948] Blythe, what's what?

[1949] It's going down that cliff.

[1950] That's it, son.

[1951] Oh my god, look at it hit those rocks.

[1952] boom boom boom oh my god you're dead shit one of them's dead the other had to be alive with a dead friend next to him still rolling down a hill and still probably having a little bit of fun he might be unconscious too while it's happening Brian look up because the last part it was like oh yeah yeah we Brian look up Russian kids with a death wish bungee Russian kids with a death wish bungee B -U -N -G E -E -B -U -N -G.

[1953] Are you peeing again?

[1954] Get your dick check, son.

[1955] Your shit's broken.

[1956] You can't hold your mud.

[1957] Get me one of those coconut waters.

[1958] C -2 -O coconut waters, Joe?

[1959] C -2 -O?

[1960] Why, they are our favorite, Brian.

[1961] In fact, they're so good.

[1962] They make other coconut water taste like toilet water.

[1963] Why, I agree with that.

[1964] I can't even buy that other shit that you get in a fucking carton, that nonsense, whatever it is.

[1965] I do not like it with the pulp, though, but that's my own personal opinion.

[1966] I don't mind the pulp.

[1967] The pub makes me feel like it's real.

[1968] Yeah, I'm alive.

[1969] Do you know what I drank as a juice that I just found out was not soup?

[1970] As a juice or as a juice?

[1971] As a juice as a drink.

[1972] I drank the, you know, go behind the bar and you have the tap for orange juice.

[1973] I've been drinking that by the glassful thinking it was real juice.

[1974] No. Turns out it's just some chemicals and water.

[1975] It's like Sunny D. Orange soda, dude.

[1976] It's not way worse than sunny did.

[1977] You're like the kid in that went to McDonald's.

[1978] For like a decade.

[1979] You're the kid who went to McDonald's that thought orange drink was orange juice.

[1980] Dude, they can't...

[1981] No coke for me, guys.

[1982] I'm going healthy.

[1983] Just give me some of that other stuff.

[1984] Don't you know anything about fermentation?

[1985] I didn't know.

[1986] I didn't know.

[1987] I'm just finding this out.

[1988] This is the kids.

[1989] These are the Russian kids.

[1990] They made a fake...

[1991] They made their own bungee jump.

[1992] Bungie cord off this roof.

[1993] Tied it to this bitch.

[1994] They're on a snowy roof.

[1995] Watch this.

[1996] Put the headphones on, dude.

[1997] You got to hear this.

[1998] Is anyone dying this?

[1999] I'm not telling you.

[2000] But look at how crazy these kids are.

[2001] They're holding on to this rope.

[2002] They tied it to a chimney.

[2003] And they slide her off the roof.

[2004] Look at this.

[2005] Holy fuck.

[2006] Doesn't she smash it into the building now?

[2007] Oh no. They haven't controlled this.

[2008] They haven't thought this through.

[2009] Jump, jump right now.

[2010] How do they get her back up?

[2011] Wow.

[2012] They barely do.

[2013] They kind of let her down.

[2014] She's hanging.

[2015] They're hanging on to her, so they slowly let her down.

[2016] They're holding it?

[2017] Dude, Russians are crazy.

[2018] Wait.

[2019] Related video.

[2020] Related video.

[2021] Andrew Dice Clay Andrew Dice Clay With wife What is up with this Over here Backflip fail I watched Dice's Showtime special It was very funny It was very funny What's going on here Backflip fail But she's in a Oh no Backflip fail Let's see what goes on here Off a bridge Yeah right when she's about to do A dude behind her Just says your fat She starts her period Your sister's hotter than you Oh fail This failed.

[2022] Wow, look how beautiful that is, man. That looks like Canada.

[2023] God damn, that looks fantastic.

[2024] Oh, no, this girl's not going to do what I think she's going to do.

[2025] Is this like off a cliff or some shit?

[2026] It's off a bridge.

[2027] Oh, no, don't, don't, don't, don't fucking do this.

[2028] Oh, my God.

[2029] Oh, don't do this.

[2030] That's not bad at all, you fucking assholes.

[2031] Whoever put that video up?

[2032] Oh, it got so tense there.

[2033] Yeah, but she was pregnant and she missed.

[2034] That is that thing.

[2035] You know, that's that.

[2036] That's basically the bit that I do on stage when I talk about Mr. Hands, like when someone sent me that first video, this is exactly the feeling you get.

[2037] Like when Brian, remember when I came over your place and you showed me two girls one cup the first time?

[2038] Yeah, it hits you in the bone.

[2039] You can't, but you're like, what's next?

[2040] The fuck is going to happen here?

[2041] And how many times have you seen someone do something like that and then just die?

[2042] I mean, a bunch.

[2043] Yeah.

[2044] I've seen a bunch of people just get disintegrated in car accidents and flip over and land on their fucking head and a puddle of blood.

[2045] I saw videos of people run over by trucks.

[2046] I've seen everything.

[2047] I've seen way more than the average person by the age of, you know, whatever, a hundred would have seen if they lived 20 years ago.

[2048] Yeah.

[2049] Oh, yeah.

[2050] Way more.

[2051] Well, online with that.

[2052] Yeah.

[2053] Then you've seen count.

[2054] Way more.

[2055] Get those experiences.

[2056] Yeah.

[2057] Yeah.

[2058] I've seen people being beheaded.

[2059] Wow, a lot of them.

[2060] I like, I like.

[2061] Not, I don't like, but this is what I remember.

[2062] They don't just chop their heads off.

[2063] They cut them slowly off.

[2064] So they're screaming as their head is getting cut off.

[2065] Well, that was the most fucked up thing about when they first caught that American...

[2066] Perlman or something?

[2067] Yeah, Daniel Perlman.

[2068] Maybe, yeah.

[2069] When they first did that to him and they showed like them actually doing it, no way.

[2070] Oh my god, look at this kid.

[2071] Oh my lord.

[2072] Look at what he's doing though.

[2073] He's doing push -ups.

[2074] He's doing chin -ups like in space.

[2075] And he's doing it.

[2076] It's a thick bar.

[2077] He's hanging on.

[2078] to it too.

[2079] Oh my god, this kid is scary.

[2080] And he's doing toss himself up.

[2081] Brian, this kid better not fall.

[2082] Please don't tell me false.

[2083] No, he doesn't fall.

[2084] Where is his mother?

[2085] Yeah, this kid is crazy.

[2086] How's he up there?

[2087] He's up there doing exactly this way.

[2088] You see a town below him?

[2089] This looks like fucking, what's the, what's the video game where you got to stab people?

[2090] Dude, that guy was swinging up and catching himself and landing on the bar again and just having confidence that he can support himself with his monkey hands.

[2091] And Andrew Dice Clay comes up again It's because of algorithms It's not related It knows what you're into it It knows what you're into In his special He yelled at a woman for laughing In the wrong place She was laughing What the fuck you doing You're ruining my timing You're laughing You're laughing in the wrong spot It's so ridiculous It's like his character To me Especially because I know him You know his character to me Because like If you didn't know him You think he's like Maybe he's, like, really a mean guy, but he's not a mean guy at all.

[2092] He's a nice guy.

[2093] He's just crazy.

[2094] He's just crazy.

[2095] But he's not like...

[2096] He likes to fuck with people.

[2097] He likes to fuck with people.

[2098] Yeah, he's a practical joker.

[2099] But his comedy, because I know him, is like, I don't know, it's like twice as funny.

[2100] You know, he's been ridiculous.

[2101] Yeah, on purpose.

[2102] Like, we went to see him in Vegas, and he was so pickled that me and Norton and Bobby Kelly came backstage.

[2103] And did you come backstage, too?

[2104] Everybody came backstage.

[2105] And Anthony Coomia and Red Band.

[2106] We were so happy to see him, and he was so happy.

[2107] that people came to see him you know yeah and he was like i don't do no no research i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about up there just making up he was in the back of the where the kitchen is at the comedy store talking and he got off stage and he goes i said that i would slap your walnut bag with my i forget what it was right right so stupid so stupid but they keep paying me so i'll keep doing it yeah he's a that that that that style of comedy it's just like to me it's no different than like like how many people like ac dc okay i love ac dc they got some great songs but some people don't like it yeah but not only that but think about what they're saying i'm on the highway to hell oh are you really really you silly bitch i'm on the highway to hell it's ridiculous it's ridiculous shit but you kind of go along with them because it's ac dc and they're saying it's rock and it's a badass song when when dice is like here's the you you, suck in my dick.

[2108] Oh, if anybody else did that, you would be like...

[2109] It would seem way lamer.

[2110] Yeah, he'd be like, oh, my God, you're so lame.

[2111] You're like, what?

[2112] How old are you?

[2113] Come on.

[2114] If some guy went up on one of the shows that we have at the ice house, some guy that, you know, Brian's cousin knows, like, who's going to get this guy up?

[2115] He's going to do 10 minutes or here he's really funny.

[2116] He goes on stage.

[2117] It's like, here's to you.

[2118] Suck in my dick!

[2119] If, you know, that didn't exist, if Dice had never done that.

[2120] We would be like, who is this lame fuck?

[2121] Here's to you sucking my dick.

[2122] Get that.

[2123] guy out of here yeah but when Dice does it it's somehow okay hilarious hilarious I have that with a lot of my friends where they do something that I find funny other people find just so rude it's funny when you see a guy like make a Holtzman character that you immediately start laughing at when you see and then they'll go on stage and you'll see people not get it or not not understand that it's an act and get like super offended like we were in the front of the comedy store and this this lady came out and she just goes I just want you know that you We're really, really funny, and we really enjoyed ourselves.

[2124] But someone needs to take the microphone away from that man, okay, because he's not well.

[2125] And I don't think indulging him, you know, pretending what he's saying is funny, he's not well.

[2126] And you want to be like, I don't even have to look at it is.

[2127] Shut your fucking mouth.

[2128] Shut your mouth, stupid face.

[2129] What did the crowd half clear out?

[2130] Now it's harder.

[2131] And he attacked you for being stupid.

[2132] It wasn't even that.

[2133] He was doing something about Mexicans and lawnblowers.

[2134] I put a booger in somebody's drink this week.

[2135] She left.

[2136] I try to cut her off.

[2137] Put a booger in her drink?

[2138] Yeah.

[2139] This girl's ordering more Jameson.

[2140] Right off the bat.

[2141] She's already too drunk.

[2142] And then she starts ordering James.

[2143] The audience see you put a booger?

[2144] Oh, yeah.

[2145] Yeah, absolutely.

[2146] She went to the bathroom.

[2147] You can get that place closed down to the health violation.

[2148] You can't make people eat your boogers.

[2149] Her friend saw.

[2150] You were a grown man. You're in your 30s.

[2151] You haven't people eat your boogers.

[2152] Drink my booger.

[2153] Her friend saw it?

[2154] Yeah.

[2155] I was being too important.

[2156] I was like, I'm giving you the chance to do it before me. Do you think she just swallowed it or do you think she felt it and was aware?

[2157] No, I think she swallowed it.

[2158] I probably didn't know.

[2159] Probably didn't know.

[2160] If you're really fucked up, you just go -g -g -g -g -g -l -g -l.

[2161] People can understand.

[2162] Once you're drunk, you don't need to keep drinking.

[2163] You might be in a good place already.

[2164] You do if you have demons, Ari.

[2165] Yeah, I guess so.

[2166] That's the thing.

[2167] Maintain.

[2168] You're assuming that people drink to have a good time.

[2169] A lot of people don't drink to have a good time.

[2170] They drink to get fucked up because they want to escape reality.

[2171] Yeah, but that's also a good time.

[2172] I mean, I guess it's escape reality, but it's also like whatever I drink to get drunk.

[2173] It wasn't escaping anything.

[2174] Yeah, but you're being too logical.

[2175] Since when are you like the average person?

[2176] When you see a bunch of...

[2177] Yeah, but even my friends, they were all just like in college and stuff.

[2178] You're just like you're allowed to drink.

[2179] So you do it because it's new.

[2180] Not every college kid is running away from their demons.

[2181] Most of them aren't.

[2182] They're just getting fucked up.

[2183] Yeah, yeah, most of them.

[2184] They learn how to get fucked up.

[2185] But a lot of people are running from their demons.

[2186] Yeah, I guess so.

[2187] They're just trying to get blasted.

[2188] It's amazing, really.

[2189] I mean, Stan -Hawl drinking alone in a bar feels more like that.

[2190] me. Does he drink a loan at a bar?

[2191] I'm picturing that, you know, like a grizzled Bukowski -type character as opposed to just like, let's get drunk!

[2192] That's Burt Pressure.

[2193] You just said Burke Pressure.

[2194] So maybe.

[2195] No, well, Bert doesn't get drunk during the day.

[2196] Yeah, no problem.

[2197] Unless you're in a good place, like Cancun.

[2198] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[2199] You're on the beach, things like that.

[2200] But if you wake up and like, let's go have lunch and I'm going to have a beer at lunch, you know, and you're like, why are you drinking?

[2201] Right.

[2202] There's no reason.

[2203] Yeah, well, maybe a beer, like, with a sandwich or something like that.

[2204] But what if you want?

[2205] want to get like a shot well that's when you start yeah my dad said he came back from work one day and he had like some some booze at lunch on the lunch meeting and his boss kind of smelled on his breath and he was like hmm and he said he like saw the look and then he's like that's it no more drinking daytime yeah people make too many assumptions about you yeah you don't want that you don't want them to put you in that sort of category yeah it's a funny thing when you really think about how responsible people actually are with alcohol if you think about how available it is if you're over 21.

[2206] Do they ever stop you from drinking?

[2207] No. You could always drink.

[2208] No, unless you've done some shit.

[2209] But if you do some shit, like Lindsay Lohan, how to wear like an ankle bracelet that tells you you when you're drunk?

[2210] How long can they keep that on you?

[2211] I mean, they can't make that permanent, right?

[2212] Can they make a rule?

[2213] We're like, look, we'll let you roam around the street fuckhead, but you got to wear an ankle bracelet that tells us if you're drinking.

[2214] Soon enough, they'll do that in TSA.

[2215] You want to fly?

[2216] Wear an ankle bracelet for the next month.

[2217] Don't do that soon.

[2218] that's not a bad idea for people who are fucking crazy you know if you want to control someone who just can't handle their alcohol and you realize you get to a certain point in time like listen dude you've been arrested for drunk driving twice you've been in five different assaults you've been yeah all so we're going to do stupid we're going to keep you from drinking you have to stop drinking so this is the way you could be a free man you wander around you have a great time the 14 strikes in your out rule yeah we find out you drinking you're obviously not in control of your faculties when you're drinking so you're not locked you're stupid yeah put a brace on them for like yeah but then who's to decide whether or not you should wear that bracelet and freedom ain't free and that's when fucking alex jones gets on the 14th strikes order is trying to put a bracelet on you to tell you when you can have some jack daniels yeah you're right how do you feel about this gun control thing um i feel like it's a very complex issue and it's first of all the idea that anybody should be able to have fucking military grade weapons i think it's ridiculous but but it comes from go ahead and also So I think the real issue is not the, I mean, this is a fucking cliche, but it's not the gun.

[2219] The real issue is what would happen to a person to make them grow up to be someone who could be a school shooter?

[2220] What is?

[2221] Oh, yeah, that's a mental health issue which should be explored.

[2222] 100%.

[2223] Way more.

[2224] And by the way, can I just say this, Obama, the Obamacare, parts of Obama care that were already put into place, which is you have to cover mental health.

[2225] If you're going to cover for everybody, you have to cover all your, means that I don't get mental health coverage.

[2226] Because it's not cost effective.

[2227] because they can't afford doing that.

[2228] So they can't give it to anybody.

[2229] I find it amazing how so many people are so adamant against people or taxpayers paying for health care, but don't express nearly the same amount of concern about your money being used for war.

[2230] It's really kind of shocking because the war money, it's like, where is it even going?

[2231] It's going to another part of the world where you're most likely never going to visit unless you're in the military.

[2232] and it's all going to tanks and it's craziness you see it on TV and people are just shelling out their money in taxes and no one cares but the moment someone says hey maybe we should make it so that people can get some help.

[2233] Hey, pull yourself up by your own bookstrapes.

[2234] You fucking weak pussy.

[2235] You know there's something about you know we don't need health care you know what we need is to get back to what made America great and it's corporations having all the control you know they think that somehow...

[2236] Corporations are going to become corrupt.

[2237] They're run by people and people are corruptible they will always fuck up you give somebody power there's a chance that will fuck up it's not even just a fucking up there's a weird diffusion of responsibility thing that happens when you are many steps removed from the actual deed and you're involved with many other people they say it's easier to rape a woman in a crowd than it is a woman in front of one person I can see that it becomes like well I'm not responsible for this they could tell you this the study it wasn't Pfizer but it was some drug company about polio vaccines they were giving these polio vaccines to these African kids but they were lying to them it wasn't a polio vaccine it was just some other drug they were testing and they gave the polio vaccine to 90 % of them and 10 % of them they gave the whatever it's called the sugar pill because that's a control group so the 90 % of them that took the new drug they were testing all died and the 10 % of them got polio because they weren't even getting the vaccines they thought they were being tested ouch yeah and that's just what some corporation does that make more money that's just a normal sort of situation it's over there don't worry about it exon has that with a rape of land wherever they go and just buy out their government and say new rules well i was trying to get john perkins on and i'll try again um now that we have matt stags on the case are you hearing us matt go get the economic hitman guy because he's a he's a fascinating guy he used to do that for the government he would go and there's Alex Jones you will not take our guns he was a daily shit is John Stewart reacting to Alex Jones no one's taking away all the guns but now I get it now I see what's happening so this is what it is their paranoid fear of a possible dystopic future prevents us from addressing our actual dystopic present we can't even be Too many uses of the words dystopic.

[2238] Stop it.

[2239] I understand you live in New York and you're Jewish.

[2240] Look how sick he is.

[2241] I guess he had this huge cold during this thing.

[2242] Like you could tell his face or stir it.

[2243] Did he come in anyway just because it was such a crazy story?

[2244] He wanted to talk about it.

[2245] It's funny.

[2246] Alex Jones is off the rails, man. I get it, though, with the military -grade weapons.

[2247] The point was never to be able to hunt with.

[2248] The point was able to be able to drive off the government.

[2249] Yeah.

[2250] And you're not going to do it with a fucking six pistol.

[2251] Well, the idea is to protect yourself against threats to this nation, both domestic and abroad.

[2252] That's the idea, is that, you know, they had to worry about being overtaken from within.

[2253] That's why you have the right to bear arms.

[2254] And, you know, everybody says, well, that was back when people had muskets and this and that.

[2255] The government's way more corrupt now that it was then.

[2256] But by the way, the government had muskets as well back then, okay?

[2257] And now the government doesn't have much.

[2258] And they didn't have the ability to arrest you for no reason.

[2259] You know, I'm not saying that you should go and fucking overtake the government with force because I definitely don't believe that.

[2260] But I think is the way to get rid of people?

[2261] I think that the issue is not people being armed.

[2262] The issue is crazy people.

[2263] The issue is disenfranchised people.

[2264] The issue is people that have legitimate mental problems.

[2265] The issue is diagnosing them.

[2266] The issue is trying to figure out how the fuck a person becomes that sociopathic, fucking psychopathic killer.

[2267] How does that, that's our real problem.

[2268] Because when you look at the actual numbers of human beings and you look at the actual numbers of human beings with guns and then you look at the actual numbers of crimes.

[2269] Like, people like to say, oh, England has no guns, so they have no gun crimes.

[2270] That is absolutely true.

[2271] They have, like, 30 or something shootings every year.

[2272] It's like nothing compared to the United States.

[2273] But if you look at the overall number of armed people in Britain to the overall number of armed people in America, it's really kind of shocking that we have as few murders by guns that we do.

[2274] And most of the murders by guns, like a good 70 % of the assault rifle -type killings, are gang -related.

[2275] Oh, really?

[2276] Yeah, a high percentage of them have to do with gang violence.

[2277] We're going to try to get those guns.

[2278] And that's a wide, I mean, largely an economic issue, largely a poverty issue and then a drug dealing issue, a couple different aspects of our society that are obviously sick.

[2279] You know, the illegal access to drugs, meaning that anybody who sells drugs is criminal.

[2280] That's one, that's one aspect that leads to organized crime.

[2281] You know, and then the other aspect, of course, is poverty, people growing up to.

[2282] disenfranchised, needing someone to belong to, they become a part of gangs, and gangs are fucking huge.

[2283] And they're killing each other.

[2284] I mean, it's a super common thing that they use those types of weapons in gang.

[2285] I wonder, like, drive -bys and stuff.

[2286] Yeah.

[2287] But, look, I don't think everybody should have access to those guns.

[2288] That's where I part from the average person.

[2289] I think if you have a reason to have those guns, that's one thing.

[2290] But if you're, I mean, if you're looking for something to protect yourself, do you really, you need machine guns?

[2291] I mean, can you get by with a shotgun?

[2292] Can you get by with a rifle?

[2293] I mean, the idea is that if somebody, you know, if somebody wanted to go and kill a bunch of people, it would be far harder if you had something like a single -loading rifle or a single -loading shotgun.

[2294] But then the argument, of course, from the NRA people would be, well, if you really want to apply the language in the Declaration of Independence, the Second Amendment, being that you have the right to bear arms.

[2295] The idea means that you have the right to protect yourself against whoever it, may be who easily could be overpowering you.

[2296] They can have more firepower than you.

[2297] So if you have what they have you have a 50 caliber, fuck a machine gun, you have what they have, you're on an equal playing field and they can't come and take your land.

[2298] The problem is they won't let you.

[2299] Like what does what happened at Waco when they started to take a bunch of weapons?

[2300] Well, they're also fucking their kids.

[2301] But who knows if that's true?

[2302] Because that's the first thing I would say.

[2303] They just went there and blew them all up.

[2304] Yeah.

[2305] If you want to go and get somebody, you say this guy's a child molester.

[2306] You become a threat.

[2307] You become a threat to the powerful person, the government.

[2308] They're just going to wipe you out.

[2309] And that's why people in Libya don't need actual machine guns to make change because they can't do it through voting.

[2310] Yeah.

[2311] And we're starting to not be able to do it through voting either.

[2312] You're right.

[2313] And I honestly, the more I look at it, the situation we have here with our government not representing us, I only really see one way around it.

[2314] Uh -oh, Ari's talking crazy talk.

[2315] This is the end of this podcast, and if you want to continue this conversation, it'll be on the skeptic tank available on iTunes.

[2316] And the part of me will be played by Jason Teeb.

[2317] Yeah, well...

[2318] I mean, I don't know how the government, as big a business as they are, would exceed any control.

[2319] if they don't have to and they no longer have to well the problem is it's eating itself see the access to information that the government has now and the ability to wiretap phones the ability to spy on people's lives is now eating itself because the fucking FBI investigated the CIA and now the director the CIA is no longer there because they went digging into his privacy right that's what happened I mean they're they're spying on each other it's fucking spy versus spy our tax dollars being spent to expose a guy getting some pussy.

[2320] Do you think if you could go back and remove every great leader, every man of power, every military command, especially military?

[2321] I mean, you're talking about a guy in David Betrayas that had been in war for a long time.

[2322] He had seen a lot of death.

[2323] Yeah.

[2324] And you're going to deny him some extra pussy.

[2325] Do you think that his...

[2326] A consensual.

[2327] Yeah.

[2328] And a hot chick who's young.

[2329] That's what he got the whole thing was in trouble for?

[2330] Mm -hmm.

[2331] Yeah, that's what he got in trouble for.

[2332] But it also had to do somehow or another.

[2333] They're relating it to Benghazi, the attack on Libya, where they were woefully unprotected.

[2334] Their information failed them, and they attacked those people, and they killed the American ambassador.

[2335] So there's that as well that they believe is somehow another connected to it.

[2336] And then they made up that story that was all about some movie.

[2337] Yes, yes.

[2338] That was really amazing.

[2339] They just made up a story.

[2340] They made up a story, these fucks.

[2341] They made up a story about this all being inspired by a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a, crazy bad Like a web movie A web movie that most likely was Was sponsored and made by the spooks They made it themselves They hired some actors And they put together a shitty fucking propaganda movie And they made it themselves Not only that the people that were in the movie Said that they said certain things But then when they watched the movie Other words were dubbed into their mouths Oh really?

[2342] Yeah So the idea was that this movie was just Created as a scapegoat And then everyone reacted to that movie It's like, well, we can't bow down to these Muslims or, like, you've got to be, you know, at least aware of their feelings, and they're just throwing itself off the real trail.

[2343] Have you ever seen that movie?

[2344] I saw pieces of it.

[2345] It's fucking unbelievably bad.

[2346] Oh, yeah.

[2347] It's like.

[2348] Like Peter Chen.

[2349] Yeah, exactly.

[2350] It's like someone who's just a complete madness.

[2351] Yeah, just an idiot.

[2352] It doesn't know what he's doing.

[2353] It's like America World Police, if it was people.

[2354] Yeah, if you just got a video camera.

[2355] Isn't it, Brian, have you seen it?

[2356] Pull up a clip.

[2357] If it was what?

[2358] If it was real people?

[2359] Yeah.

[2360] It's like, America World Plead when it's like, I'm an actor.

[2361] I have to go and save the world.

[2362] world like ridiculous crazy cheesy dialogue but not funny you know not on purpose what they're trying to do is really make like a really really dumb propaganda movie to justify the reason why these terrorists would have tried to send two warships over there almost instantly like wait what's happening tell you what man it's a guy who's a mob deep deep in the world of intelligence since i've been addicted to homeland i understand some things that probably be a little bit alien to you don't know how the system works i'd become a fan of the cia from doing homeland really watching that It's like, yeah, fuck yeah.

[2363] That show literally changes my opinion on what it must be like for the CIA to try to thwart terrorism.

[2364] Oh, yeah.

[2365] And it makes me understand why they would want to take rights away.

[2366] I still don't agree with their ability to do so, but I understand the kind of shit that they probably do you have to deal with.

[2367] The only problem with taking the rights away, it's not if it's from the reasons being good.

[2368] It's that, let's say your reasons are pure.

[2369] Like, I just want to go after terrorists when they're full terrorists.

[2370] well what happens the next guy who's in office who might not share your sentiment about fair that's an old statement the man you're saying yes to today is not the same man you're going to have to say yes to 20 years from now yeah if you give someone access to your privacy today and he's a good guy that doesn't mean that you know we can't have a new Nixon yeah or he's not going to turn into a bad guy just like I'm going to start abusing my power that doesn't always start from scratch yeah and didn't that happen with the president of Egypt this guy gets in gets elected the Muslim brother and it's like you know I decided I'm a dictator now I am in immune to prosecution And they were like, and he goes, no, I have to in order to be able to run a good government.

[2371] And people are like, no, no, no, no, this is what we just got away from.

[2372] Yeah.

[2373] Not doing that shit.

[2374] Hilarious.

[2375] The guy tried gangster right off the bat.

[2376] I mean, he didn't even get him a year.

[2377] He gave on it.

[2378] Yeah.

[2379] He gave in.

[2380] He's like, oh, great, fine.

[2381] Yeah, you don't give him.

[2382] Well, he's, you know, he's fucked now.

[2383] You know, they're going to be looking sideways at him forever.

[2384] Yeah.

[2385] I mean, he was the savior.

[2386] But he is fucked.

[2387] You can't just do that.

[2388] Of course.

[2389] They should kill him.

[2390] Power to the people.

[2391] even thinking about No, no kenneling anymore.

[2392] No killing anymore?

[2393] They just stop.

[2394] Let's just keep going for a little while long.

[2395] That's the problem.

[2396] They get rid of the one guy and then they're like, let's get more people.

[2397] That's what they did in like the French.

[2398] Right.

[2399] You know, all those things too.

[2400] Well, you got to think all those dudes in Libya that killed Gaddafi.

[2401] All those dudes that fucking stuck sticks up his ass and all that shit.

[2402] Yeah.

[2403] Those guys just running around out there.

[2404] They want to kill more people.

[2405] Yeah.

[2406] Maybe somebody killed them.

[2407] Probably excited.

[2408] Got all fired up.

[2409] Killed Gaddafi.

[2410] I wonder if they do like public speaking engagements?

[2411] like they do the clubs out there.

[2412] There's the time I took the stick.

[2413] And his ass was close.

[2414] We were parting at rain.

[2415] And I knew.

[2416] So I was got a table.

[2417] The time was now.

[2418] I shoved the stick up his ass.

[2419] And everybody's, yeah.

[2420] Yeah, they throw their shoes up in the air.

[2421] Yes, yes.

[2422] Tell us, did he scream?

[2423] He was used to cock, so it was nothing.

[2424] He liked it.

[2425] He loved it.

[2426] He wanted more.

[2427] He wished he had it every day of his life.

[2428] With a bowl of milk in the morning a stick in his ass.

[2429] Yeah.

[2430] he didn't even react they shoved a stick up his ass he was in total shock just that's the crazy that he didn't react that much or barely at all barely he was in full shock wow they dragged that guy out he couldn't believe he was out there with the regular people the look on his face Gaddafi's that is one of the best like as far as like a peek into what happens when a dictator gets overcome by the rebels and you actually get to watch it we've never seen that before we saw it we were there yeah we were there we net that doesn't exist and anywhere in history and it was on a fucking cell phone camera and then hello lookpah hello he's fucking freaking out and covering him blood and looking for someone to come in to rescue him that someone never comes they're sticking sticks up his ass they just fucking start shooting them wow yeah they they dragged that guy around the roof of a car it was amazing i mean it was like literally everything that you would see like in a movie about a dictator getting overthrown but you know never saw that before and to see the look of terror on his face and to know that man that is a story that has been playing itself out exactly the same way over and over throughout time that's how you changed dictators that's the way that's the normal root of that what is that that phrase that the tree of liberty must be occasionally watered with the death of enemies and patriots enemies and patriots Yeah Patriots fighting against I think that's the quote But yeah The idea that you just In order to stay You want liberty Every now and then You got to fuck some people up Because the normal pattern That people follow For whatever reason is Once they get into position Of being able to tell What people what to do They separate them from those other people Did I see that at the comedy store I had it When I worked as a security guard I worked for a few months A security guard At a concert place every night we're shutting up drunks and every night and it became us versus them and I wasn't a cop we couldn't arrest anybody but I got to see and I would have to tell people you can't bring your booze in you can't bring bottles and they would yell at me fuck you and it became us versus them yeah and we all banded together all the security guards and our attitude is these fuck these cunts coming in some fucking assholes like right away even though you're hired to make sure everyone's having a good time well you're hired to keep everybody from bringing in booze mostly but our main job was we would be there at the beginning like james Taylor to play and all these people who we're just going to bring a nice bottle of wine go see James Taylor you can't bring bottles of wine to a place that sells wine okay so when you get there we take your wine so we'd have to take people's bags we open them up do you have anything in here that we should know about no did you bring any alcohol in a bottle no what's this you pull out a bottle wine plunk and you didn't kick them out well you'd put the wine in like a bucket so at the end of the night we'd have giant garbage buckets full of nice new wines with booze nice and everybody's like yeah good fuck them we take their booze like that was the of all the people that work there as security.

[2431] And so if you work there, you develop that sort of attitude, too.

[2432] Like, everybody's like, yeah, fuck everybody.

[2433] Relationship.

[2434] That's just a fucking security guard or great woods.

[2435] Granted, I was 18, 19, and I recognized it as it was happening.

[2436] And then I was like, this is fucking ridiculous.

[2437] That's the same thing as TSA.

[2438] They're going to do the same shit.

[2439] Exactly.

[2440] They're going to do the same shit.

[2441] And I finally realize this now when somebody's like, people, the excuse that always made me troubled with TSA, why they're fucking infringing on our rights and looking through all my shit.

[2442] and making me take my shoes off and all this stuff is is um is uh uh they're just doing their jobs it's not their fault individually when i tell them to go fuck themselves it's though they're just doing the jealous well why is that an excuse right you know what you're doing you're taking a job fucking with people because it's the job you're allowed to do whatever you want well see i don't think because someone is a paycheck attached to it i don't think tsa fucks with people for the most part i have not had a single problem with tsa i have not seen a single problem with tsa ever except...

[2443] Ever, like when I made you go through those x -rayed things, they didn't test?

[2444] Well, those x -rayed things, which ones?

[2445] The ones that spin?

[2446] The old ones.

[2447] Yeah, the old ones.

[2448] Yeah.

[2449] The ones they didn't test, but they were just like, I will take the word for it or the guy who owns it.

[2450] What I've read, according to what I've read, the radiation that you get inside a plane is way worse than that.

[2451] And it's not something to worry about.

[2452] Yeah.

[2453] I would love if they just actually put out the test they did instead of hide it.

[2454] It's a good idea.

[2455] Yeah.

[2456] Or allow independent testing.

[2457] It's a good idea.

[2458] But I think that what they're worried about right or wrong.

[2459] I disagree with it because I think there should be full disclosure always when it comes to things in regard health and radiation and shit like that.

[2460] But they don't want to release the fact that you get a lot of radiation on a fucking plane.

[2461] You get so much radiation on a plane that sometimes they have to fly different paths because there's solar flares and you're flying in weird spots.

[2462] Yeah, you can fly in areas where there's too much solar activity and it's fucking gamma radiation.

[2463] Closer to the sign?

[2464] Well, you're fucking 30 ,000.

[2465] thousand feet in space you know you're really high up there man and you're in this little metal tube and you're getting blasted by gamma rays you're really close to uh you know you're close to space you're closer to space by what is it i mean what is 30 000 feet was that three how many miles is five thousand miles yeah five thousand miles is uh or 500 something or five thousand feet is a mile right so yeah you're high up there man so apparently that is not good for you and they don't want people to really dwell on that because there's radiation in all things there's radiation in trees so what do you think they don't want people to dwell on it because if you start telling people if some well listen man next time you're on a plane why don't you do it for a skeptic thing bring a Geiger counter a Geiger counter yeah go online on amazon dot com and get something that is a radiation reader and see if it works that way I mean I don't know if that's how you works I think that's how you would do it though so anyway you would you would get that and you know get a reading and then compare that somehow or another you would have to fucking get a reading off of one of those x -ray machines at the airport but they wouldn't let you do that but if you did i bet the plane would probably be at least as radioactive if not way more what i've read is that it's more but again yeah how much information is really available out there about those should be full they make you put ingredients on everything you shouldn't have to get fucking x -rayed everywhere it's just the idea is that people want to blow things up all the time and it's always planes it's like when is it going to happen where enough cunts blow up a mall or every time you go to the mall you have to put your fucking change in a bucket and go through and then someone's going to be stealing watches and shit there just like they do a TSA yeah every now and then you get a rogue employee I hate it when they when they fight when they when they catch some guy as news company will catch some guy stealing who works for the airline and the airline's only reaction is they no longer work here they've been they've been terminated it's like no you should fucking put them up for trial.

[2466] They're stealing while they're representing the government.

[2467] They should be a way worse.

[2468] They don't try them.

[2469] They just fucking say they're out.

[2470] That's it.

[2471] They're out.

[2472] Just like the priest.

[2473] That's the worst thing that'll happen to them is they're out.

[2474] I guess they figure that the prisons today are so fucking overcrowded and the justice system is so understaffed and overworked.

[2475] If I knew my only fucking repercussions with it, I don't have this job where I get to steal anymore.

[2476] Just steal like crazy.

[2477] Steal.

[2478] Yeah, until you get caught.

[2479] And then I don't get to steal anymore.

[2480] Either way, I don't steal.

[2481] So why don't steal why I can.

[2482] It's really funny when they get super ghetto at the TSA station, like someone will say something.

[2483] And it was, oh, no, no, no, no, I wouldn't involve with that.

[2484] I wouldn't involve with that.

[2485] Like, oh, I know you were with that girl.

[2486] I know you with that girl.

[2487] And they'll, like, they don't forget that, like, they're security officers for the government.

[2488] They're just sort of dumb people.

[2489] Well, I just folks who that's the job that they could get.

[2490] So I raise your hands.

[2491] This is what I always say.

[2492] I can't raise my hands.

[2493] Why?

[2494] I'm not under arrest.

[2495] I'm not doing things that make me seem.

[2496] like I'm under arrest.

[2497] So when you go through that thing, you won't raise your hands?

[2498] Whoa.

[2499] And they say, why not?

[2500] You don't trust me?

[2501] I'm like, I don't trust the company you work for and the fact that you work for them.

[2502] No, I don't trust you.

[2503] Who is you?

[2504] Some lady?

[2505] So when you go through security, do you cause a stink?

[2506] Do you say?

[2507] Usually I try to.

[2508] I'm an uppity Jew and I'm here to cross the problems.

[2509] But when they have to pat me down, like we got to patch it down.

[2510] Do you say you prefer that?

[2511] I'm like, no, I don't prefer that.

[2512] But if you give me no fucking options, do whatever the fuck you want.

[2513] that's how you talk oh yeah fuck them fuck them if you tell me you tell brian to go over and punch somebody and then he does it and say that's really mean Brian you shouldn't have done that but if like no no no he gave me rogan gave me 20 bucks so it was just my job so I was working okay that's a bit extreme why they're just infringing on our rights they're making us all feel really bad but they're just doing their job they're not punching you they're just doing their job is not an excuse right it wouldn't be if they were being violent to you but I think the analogy is not fair they're not hitting you they're just making sure you don't have bombs and most likely you don't have bombs see for you you're like well look at me I'm fucking I'm a handsome young man I'm obviously not fucked up drugs where you're not allowed to just search your shit just because they're just making sure you don't have bombs but they are they're allowed that's the agreement that we've all made we've given up a little slice of freedom and so because some monkeys want to go on one guy had a shoe bomb not one man I mean think about all the people that have done fucked up shit on planes it's an for whatever reason our fear of flying which is very real along with the terrorists need to send a big message by making a huge event happen.

[2514] Plan's like a perfect thing for that.

[2515] So that's why we've got to watch out.

[2516] It's like it's too good for it.

[2517] So we've got to put air marshals up there.

[2518] Dudes are secretly cops that are hanging out.

[2519] It's all reactionary to a time we were in.

[2520] Can you spot air marshals?

[2521] Do you ever see one?

[2522] No, I don't know.

[2523] I don't know.

[2524] I've seen someone's gun or anything like that, like peeking out from my other shoulder?

[2525] I don't know.

[2526] Yeah, me neither.

[2527] I wonder if they're like fake.

[2528] they're always the ones that are always sitting on the plane before you I don't know why that wasn't yeah but how what why would they do that then you would know what seat you think they would go would they be in first class or would they be in the way back I think way back but I know a couple people that actually sat down next to them and they talked about them being the air marshal to them that was a dude trying to get some pussy yeah really what I'm out here fight girls freedom you were they girls you told you yeah fighting for freedom want to see my gun zip oh that's not my gun but you could hold that too just lock the door just locked the door in the bathroom no the cockpit oh that's not that easy what if everybody you lock the door the plane lands everybody inside's dead the guy went and fucking killed everybody yeah then they can't take over the plane everyone died anyway everyone died anyway they opened up the door and everybody on those planes how about an air marshal kills the guy and no one dies that's better it's better than locking the door I just shot your theory full holes and employed a navy seal I'm saying as opposed not as opposed of the air marshal as opposed to all the fucking things they do on the ground there was a good book called the strain I should say it was a half a good book it was it started off really good and then it turned to shit towards the end it was almost like he just like wanted to finish it so they just like it was um not benicio del toro what is who is that fucking director did pans labraneth labrnith that that name that word um what's that guy's name ghermo laborant what is he labraneth something that's that's one of those words that i never say i only read there's a few words where you're Like, I don't think I've ever actually tried to throw that into a sentence.

[2529] Like dystopian.

[2530] I mean, I know how to say that because it's fairly easy.

[2531] But labromaneth, what was that, what's that dude's name?

[2532] Guelmo del Toro?

[2533] Guammo D 'Otoa.

[2534] Gwamo Dotao.

[2535] The beginning of the book is fucking badass and starts off with a plane.

[2536] It starts off with everybody in a plane being dead.

[2537] They can't figure out what the fuck happened.

[2538] But they're kind of pussy vampires.

[2539] They don't have big fangs.

[2540] They have like this thing.

[2541] Oh, that's what it is?

[2542] It's like.

[2543] No, no, no. Oh, the other one, the strain.

[2544] The strain.

[2545] Oh.

[2546] The strain.

[2547] It's all a...

[2548] I feel like that's a book.

[2549] Was that a Michael Crichton book?

[2550] No. Oh, maybe I'm thinking of something else.

[2551] Gwermo, maybe it's not the strain.

[2552] Gwermo del Toro.

[2553] Hey, Gwaremo.

[2554] Calermo.

[2555] I'm reading a book that you would fucking love.

[2556] What?

[2557] The Sex at Dawn.

[2558] Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to read that.

[2559] You should get that guy on your podcast as well.

[2560] Yeah, don't keep telling me that.

[2561] He was great.

[2562] We had him on.

[2563] We got him a little too high.

[2564] Really?

[2565] Do you do that a lot where you get guests that aren't used to it that can, like, just go under?

[2566] I think me and Brian like it a little too much.

[2567] You like it?

[2568] The strain.

[2569] Oh.

[2570] The strain is the name of the book.

[2571] I was right.

[2572] I think we like it a little when we see a guy falling apart.

[2573] You like getting him to mind.

[2574] This is like, there's something about seeing that weed hit him like, and you just, you hear that fucking sunshine on my love song.

[2575] Do do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

[2576] You just see the fear grip them.

[2577] Sometimes you can't see it in people Or they're just like, you're like, you've been acting weird And you're like, oh, you're super stone That's what it is We used to encourage it It's sort of my same approach to Mushrooms I used to encourage it I used to like say, come on get high with us No, you'll be fine, you'll be fine Not everybody's gonna be fine Now you're just like we're smoking If you like something you can have something Yeah I mean we've got people that like seem like They would be like big time stoners You smoke weed all you know all the time The weed we're getting is like Really high grade shit Yeah And if they're not on a medical program, who knows?

[2578] They might be getting weed from a friend, you know?

[2579] They might have, like, a little bit, like, hey, we smoke weed every now and then, which, what does that mean?

[2580] It might mean, like, the way I drink.

[2581] Like, if I'm going to go out, I might have a beer or two, but I don't sit at home and drink beer, you know, at home.

[2582] But I'll get high and write, you know, my body's used to getting high.

[2583] Like, I know what I'm doing.

[2584] When it comes to weed, my body goes, I know what to do with this.

[2585] We're good.

[2586] But to a lot of people, this is like a once a week thing, once every two week things.

[2587] And you, you know, you try to keep up with fucking Captain's silly pants away.

[2588] And he passes you that joint at a certain time with a silly little grin at his face.

[2589] It's funny when he sees somebody have like one hit and like, I'm good.

[2590] Like, what are you talking?

[2591] Like, oh, you know your limits.

[2592] Then you look down and you concentrate on the fucking cat.

[2593] He's got a cat on his shirt with a suicide vest.

[2594] Brian got me so high once.

[2595] Where am I?

[2596] Kind of up in Calabasasas.

[2597] I fell asleep at a light.

[2598] All right is like, I read the light.

[2599] I was like, oh man, I think I smoked too much.

[2600] no this shit's not strong you don't have the good this isn't the good stuff no this is really swag it was like it was like the strongest weed I you do that shit to people man that's rude I ain't air on the side of caution and Ari I think Ari what you weren't smoking weed back then like not as much anyway once in a long while yeah once every couple of months or something it was it wrecked me yeah I remember when you just completely got yeah I'll be getting high pretty basically every day I go well how long you be doing that about a month I love it it was really funny i was like well what made you uh what made you change i'll never forget this you go i just realized i have more fun high it's like i'm having more fun on my fuck it i got this big care package too you and eddie went into atari's old place yeah um and i at the time i didn't have my license and it was my first time i'd ever been to a wheat store like no one knew you know so i was in there was like oh my god i'm in a weed store i should just leave i shouldn't like infringe on everybody uh and then at some point he's you're made he's making care packages is for you and for Eddie.

[2601] And the guy behind the counter goes, should I make one for this other guy too?

[2602] And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, everybody cared back.

[2603] So I had like six, eight different strains of weed at home.

[2604] And if I don't have to save it for anything, I'll go through it.

[2605] Yeah, that guy got out of the business, right?

[2606] Yeah, I think he's out of the business.

[2607] I think they all get out of the business.

[2608] Yeah.

[2609] They're trying to figure out what the hell they're going to do in Washington State now and in Colorado because of the legality issues.

[2610] Do they go in there and fucking march on Washington?

[2611] The real question is, who's going to be the first crazy fuck to open up a door and try to sell weed because it doesn't seem like you can sell it it seems like you can have it and it's legal to have and you can grow it's legal to grow like up to a certain amount of plants i think they made it yeah you know like a reasonable amount like five or six plants or something like that but what you can't do is you can't sell it selling it selling it is the issue yeah so it's not legal to sell no which is really defeats the purpose of the idea of legalization should be tax revenue man yeah or one of them anyway you should not legal to yeah you're right one of them good point very good point actually actually.

[2612] Yeah, it's, uh, they should be able to make money off that, man. The state should make money and it should be something that benefits to community.

[2613] So you just have to grow for your own self?

[2614] Yeah.

[2615] Well, listen, man, there's a Budweiser plant, um, uh, in Van Nuys.

[2616] Oh, a plant passed by it all the time.

[2617] I was like, why do they grow Budweiser?

[2618] What?

[2619] What?

[2620] A plan is this?

[2621] Why does it?

[2622] We're not got out.

[2623] On only refreshing buds?

[2624] That's great.

[2625] That Budweiser plant, I think it's in Van Nuys is great for the community.

[2626] It's a big, I mean, employs a lot of people that require that money for their livelihood, right?

[2627] He employs, who knows how many people.

[2628] It's a huge, huge builder in a giant parking lot.

[2629] I can only imagine.

[2630] Nothing wrong with Budweiser, okay?

[2631] But why can't weed have that same sort of status in a community?

[2632] Like, why wouldn't it be looked on the way it should be, like that it's a commodity?

[2633] Now, like, it can help in the neighborhood.

[2634] It can help, I mean, if we have the, oh, there's a big weed farm here.

[2635] They employ, like, 700 people in this community, you know, and everybody's fucking, waving, but it makes a good living, they're selling weed, the government gets the tax remedy from it, that is so possible.

[2636] And it's really kind of amazing that it's taken this long before just the seeds get planted for that to be possible.

[2637] Because the amount of money that a community could make off of selling marijuana and the amount of tax revenue you get, it could literally change agricultural areas.

[2638] You would just have to have the FDA step in a little bit make sure people aren't growing in like really shitty conditions with salmonella can get out or anything like that well they need to like look at shitty conditions for a lot of different foods that we ingest on a regular basis mycotoxins or something that uh we've uh this stuff that i'm drinking this bulletproof coffee stuff uh huh is that the shit coffee i know this is i'm trying to not drink Starbucks i love you you're very convenient however according to Dave asprey there is uh it's very common to have mycotoxins we which are fungus, like different types of toxic fungus that grow on coffee.

[2639] They also grow on corn.

[2640] They grow on a bunch of different things.

[2641] And he says that one of the bad feelings that you get from drinking coffee is because your body is dealing with the fact that you just ingested a bunch of poison fungus.

[2642] Who gets bad feelings from coffee?

[2643] Do I get the greatest feelings over?

[2644] No, I have.

[2645] I have.

[2646] I've actually gotten, like, sleepy after drinking coffee before.

[2647] And I can never understand what the fuck that was.

[2648] And someone said it's because you had ADU.

[2649] Yeah.

[2650] That's what happened to be taking coffee.

[2651] It doesn't work with this stuff.

[2652] I don't get sleepy when I take this stuff.

[2653] It's because the extra stuff is put in there, you think?

[2654] No, it's because mycotoxins occur when the coffee beans are not processed correctly.

[2655] That between the time of growing them and between the time, you getting them, somehow or another, they sat in a funky place, they developed some mold, and that shit's not good for you.

[2656] This stuff that he gets is from a single source.

[2657] It's like the company that grows, it packages it, and they take care of everything.

[2658] They make sure that they have very non -microbial life conditions.

[2659] you know, whatever the fuck they use to do that, he swears by that.

[2660] Now, when I drink this stuff, and it also has grass -fed butter in it, and you blend it in the blend -tet?

[2661] Yeah, and MCT oil, which is...

[2662] What's grass -fed butter?

[2663] Grass -fed butter is butter that comes from grass -fed cows.

[2664] Because apparently, all the cows that we're getting for milk and all the cows that we're getting for food, for the most part, unless you're looking for grass -fed meat, they're eating corn.

[2665] And corn is not what a cow is supposed to eat.

[2666] Right.

[2667] When cows eat corn, they get fat as fuck.

[2668] That's why they're so delicious.

[2669] When they get all those layers and marbles, you know how you get a nice fat steak?

[2670] It's got all that marbling that all cooks up and, oh, it's popping and juicy.

[2671] You're getting hungry.

[2672] Look at you.

[2673] I'm excited.

[2674] Well, that's not normal.

[2675] When a cow is grass -fed, they have much less fat.

[2676] I mean, they have like a little bit of fat on them, but they're far more lean, and it's a really different kind of tasting meat.

[2677] It's much healthier for your body.

[2678] Yes.

[2679] It actually works to burn fat.

[2680] It builds muscle better.

[2681] It's like a tremendous, like people who are athletes swear by the effects of grass -fed meat.

[2682] It's just very expensive.

[2683] Now, would that help you if you just ate it once in a while or you have to fully switch like gluten where I have to get it completely out of your system before you start seeing the effects?

[2684] I would think that if you want to get the utmost benefit, you would want to take it completely out of your system and then you could still have cheat days.

[2685] Yeah, but like it would be worth somebody for somebody once in a while when they can to be like, you know what, give me the grass -fed beef instead.

[2686] Yeah, well, I don't eat it every day.

[2687] But I try to eat it as much as I can.

[2688] Yeah.

[2689] You know, I just, it's really inconvenient.

[2690] That's the problem.

[2691] It's hard to find.

[2692] But it's way more common than it was just a few years ago.

[2693] People are, because of guys like Rob Wolf, because of guys like Dave Asprey, who's, you know, huge, huge proponent of grass -fed meat and grass -fed milk and grass -fed the butter that you get from it.

[2694] Like the butter that you get from a corn -fed cow is kind of sick.

[2695] It tastes different.

[2696] Yeah.

[2697] The butter tastes different.

[2698] It's got a weird sort of a, I don't know.

[2699] was just a slightly different flavor to the butter, a slightly different flavor to the meat.

[2700] It's something to have been able to roam out free, right?

[2701] And actually eat grass because they're not free roaming.

[2702] The meat tastes different.

[2703] Well, I know with salmon, the color is different.

[2704] Yeah, that's because the insects they eat.

[2705] Oh, really?

[2706] Yeah, I thought that was because they were weak bitches.

[2707] Yeah.

[2708] I was like this little pussy -ass salmon.

[2709] They don't eat insects.

[2710] Yeah, the type of wild insects and larvae and shit that they dine on, you know.

[2711] In the wild?

[2712] Yeah, that's what apparently, uh, changes the color of their flesh.

[2713] Salmon?

[2714] So they should have that?

[2715] They're also dyed pink.

[2716] No, no, no, but those are, those are the reason why they die them pink is because those are the ones that are pawn fed salmon, apparently, something along those lines.

[2717] But apparently, like, nutrition -wise is really not that much of a difference.

[2718] Oh, really?

[2719] Like, a lot of people think there is, but then again, I mean, I don't know exactly what you're measuring when you, I mean, how many salmon filets get broken down by vitamin content, and how often are they doing that?

[2720] I mean, what control group are they working from?

[2721] What tests have they done on salmon?

[2722] Am I just talking out of my ass, Ari Shafir?

[2723] You would think they would have control of it, right?

[2724] Yeah.

[2725] I don't know.

[2726] I just can't think those pellets could be as good as all those bugs that they eat.

[2727] Yeah, that's probably better.

[2728] It's our natural.

[2729] Tastes better.

[2730] Who knows?

[2731] Wild salmon tastes better.

[2732] It does.

[2733] It does.

[2734] It tastes different.

[2735] It tastes different.

[2736] Yeah.

[2737] It's all that juicy bug juice you're getting in there.

[2738] Oh, delicious bug juice.

[2739] Mm. Well, I, you know, a lot of people don't like the taste of game.

[2740] You know, a lot of people, like, they think that venison taste funky and i've never had bear have you ever had bear no i'd love to who serves bear you got to go somewhere special yeah it depends according to steve ronella who'll be on the podcast monday holla praise odin uh according to ste vernella if a bear is eating uh blueberries in the spring they're fucking delicious he said when they right get out of their uh right when they get out of their dens and they start like eating massive amounts of blueberries apparently they taste so good the bear does Yeah, if you find a bear that's near blueberries And they eat a shitload of blueberries That smells their diet They have like blue flesh Like their fat Their fat is like blue Like he saves their bear fat He saves it and like cooks with it and shit Yeah Apparently it's unbelievably good But it can vary Like if you get a bear in like New Jersey Apparently you don't like to eat brown bears People like to eat black bears Brown bears don't taste good Because brown bears are mostly predators So they're full of meat Yeah they're full of meat They're mostly predators?

[2741] Fish, yeah, a lot of them are full of fish, like grizzlies.

[2742] But a black bear, a lot of what they eat is vegetables.

[2743] So when you get them and they eat like a lot of blueberries, they're delicious.

[2744] But if they're eating like your garbage, like, you know, like suburban New Jersey has a real problem with bears.

[2745] And they just eat whatever they can find.

[2746] Black bears get into suburban neighborhoods, like a place where like Jim Brewer lives and shit like that.

[2747] And they go and they tip over garbage cans and they just eat all the people's food.

[2748] And they become a real problem because once they know that they can come into a neighborhood and eat garbage, Once they know everybody's a little bitch, not they do anything.

[2749] Hey, get out of here.

[2750] So they open up hunting season on them.

[2751] So when they opened up hunting season on them, then people went out and hunted these bears, but they found out the bears that were near people.

[2752] They tasted like shit because they're eating garbage.

[2753] You know, they're just eating fucking donuts and whatever the fuck they find in a parking lot somewhere.

[2754] You ever see the Wild Boys where they tried to lure a bear into their tent?

[2755] Yeah.

[2756] It was so great.

[2757] Those were like that video of that chick doing the backflip.

[2758] I could barely watch them.

[2759] Look what the fuck.

[2760] Do you ever see the one where they were throwing a half?

[2761] ham around and these hyenas.

[2762] They were playing keep -away hyenas.

[2763] Oh, yeah.

[2764] Hyenas were trying to eat at the stumps, nipping at them.

[2765] Fucking hyena.

[2766] Hyenas can literally break right through your arm.

[2767] They would just bite through your arm and your hand would fall one side and the rest of your arm would go limp and they would take that piece out of the middle out and it would be gone.

[2768] Just because some old hippie told them it's cool.

[2769] That's the hyenas now.

[2770] Snap!

[2771] Wow.

[2772] Fuck that.

[2773] I love that show.

[2774] How about the one when he'd be.

[2775] got up in the tree and the lion climbed up and got on top of him and just started touching his hat and didn't kill him.

[2776] Remember that Brian when we had Steve -o on the podcast?

[2777] He's so crazy.

[2778] They got so close so many times.

[2779] Out of his fucking mind.

[2780] Yeah.

[2781] I love his fucking mind.

[2782] In Jackass, he hooked himself in the nipple with a hook and then they went fishing for sharks.

[2783] He jumped over the edge and they reel him in by his hook nip.

[2784] Dude, this guys are so nuts.

[2785] When did that become cool?

[2786] to hurt yourself, scare me. Jackass.

[2787] Yeah, but why?

[2788] America was ready for it.

[2789] They got Tom Green where it's like, oh, we love these things, but this is victimless.

[2790] We've seen enough.

[2791] All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's bring this bitch home.

[2792] Ari Shafir, thank you very much, my brother.

[2793] You're welcome.

[2794] I would just, go ahead.

[2795] I was on to say that my special will be out, February 5th -ish.

[2796] Fifth -ish, but you can pre -order it.

[2797] Pre -order start tomorrow.

[2798] Tomorrow.

[2799] Chill .com.

[2800] Where is it?

[2801] Chill .com.

[2802] C -H -I -L .com?

[2803] Ooh, what a good domain name.

[2804] Easy to remember, right?

[2805] Chill .com.

[2806] All right, go to chill .com, folks.

[2807] Support your boy, Ari Shafir.

[2808] And I know that you're very happy with this.

[2809] Oh, I'm super stoked, man. I was really happy.

[2810] It was all my fans.

[2811] It's all different than the Comedy Central ones.

[2812] They don't tell you what to do, what to...

[2813] It's just you do it on your own.

[2814] Yeah.

[2815] Sensor free.

[2816] It's beautiful.

[2817] We live in amazing times, man, for artistic, you know, creativity, for freedom, to be able to put your own shit out there.

[2818] and to be able to do like what we're doing right now you know we we have like a legit show somehow or another that reaches millions of people somehow or another you know and through that platform you know you really could do whatever the fuck you want you know and i'll be in emerton at the comic strip doing that material most almost all 90 % of that material so see it there before yeah go see it there first you fucks because he's not going to be out on video you can't download until february 4th so you got to give a man time to come up with some new shit i mean he just recorded it okay don't get a lot of you comedy nerds you get a little touchy about the new material and cut the guy some slack you know don't you feel like I saw some of your bits and I'm like if you saw one of my bits it might have been maybe one people come back to the second show and say the same thing yeah see twice in a weekend don't you have two fucking complete different hours I don't I don't usually I have one that I'm working on you fucker thank you to everyone for supporting the podcast we appreciate the fuck out of it and I appreciate even even the criticism I really do without it I would like criticism a nice way if like hey the sound in a nice way trouble hearing it that's the thing it's just people that get angry like so many people were angry at me because of the moon talk you know look you don't have to get angry it's stupid you get in a free podcast there's no need to be angry at someone talking yeah you like it you don't like it but you have something constructive I really do believe that all of the constructive criticism that I've ever heard whether it's from my time hosting a fear factor whether it's from doing the ufc commentary or whether it's from doing comedy i really believe that that's made me better at what i do even some of the country shit it's like puts things just to know that someone could see you that way valid or not yeah uh so uh go check ari out on twitter it's a r i s h a f f i are follow him he drops bits of knowledge all throughout the day and he's a real inspirational sort of a character like the other day someone was asking for babysit advice and he said call casey anthony yeah that's right she knows the best way to get away from kids son of a bee and i'll be in chicago with jo rogan yeah that's right we're going to be in chicago um and that is 25th yeah January 25th wow that's coming up soon yeah that's going to be fun as fuck Chicago January 25th and then Las Vegas Nevada February 1st with Mad Flavor, A .K .A. Joey Diaz.

[2819] And just, you can find that shit on Ticketmaster, or you can go to my Twitter.

[2820] You could find it up there.

[2821] Or you can go to jo -rogan .com.

[2822] Net, my newly redesigned website.

[2823] And from there, you can actually buy my new comedy special.

[2824] Oh, yeah.

[2825] I guess I'm supposed to be promoting.

[2826] Yeah, it seems me. Yeah, it's five bucks.

[2827] DRM -free.

[2828] It's the best shit I think I've ever done.

[2829] What's DRM -free?

[2830] It means you can put it on any device.

[2831] Oh, nice.

[2832] You can download and copy it.

[2833] I just ask, please, don't steal it.

[2834] Don't put it on a torrent site or anything like that.

[2835] You think that's your best one you've ever done?

[2836] I think so.

[2837] Yeah, I think I'm better now than I've ever been before.

[2838] You definitely are.

[2839] You've had the most experience being a comic to recording this one.

[2840] I mean, I like my last one.

[2841] I really like shiny happy jihad.

[2842] I really like talking monkeys in space.

[2843] Like, I think everything that I've done since I stopped doing Fear Factor is my best stuff.

[2844] You know, from that off, 2006 on.

[2845] Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

[2846] But I think this is the best one at all of them.

[2847] I just think I'm better at it.

[2848] You know, it's just a matter of spending time and practice.

[2849] And the reaction's been really good.

[2850] Yeah, man, it's been almost universal.

[2851] I'm super, super, super happy with it.

[2852] Some people, there's a few complaints only that I talked about some of the subjects on the podcast, but that's impossible to avoid.

[2853] I'm doing podcasts for three hours a day.

[2854] Also, when you care about the stuff you talk about on stage, it's going to bleed over to regular conversations because you're not making it up because of your real feelings.

[2855] Yeah, yeah, no doubt.

[2856] I mean, this whole podcast connection with stand -up is very unexpected and very strange.

[2857] You start off a bit on a podcast, and be like, huh, let me think more of that.

[2858] So yeah, you saw the first germinations of an idea.

[2859] All the time, bitch.

[2860] Thanks to Hover for sponsoring us as well for the first time today, ladies and gentlemen.

[2861] And again, as I said, Hover is a, well, they promote themselves as a non -evil.

[2862] That's a, you know, that's a catchy word with people, but a non -evil domain name company.

[2863] And you can go to Rogan