#1507 - Bob Saget

[0] I am happy.

[1] I am actually excited to be.

[2] I'm excited to be anywhere, but I'm especially excited to be talking to you.

[3] I'm excited to be talking to you too.

[4] Thank you.

[5] And we tested you.

[6] You're clean, buddy.

[7] I am.

[8] You're free and clear of the virus.

[9] I did, I usually have like Trump had someone take his SAT.

[10] I usually have someone take my COVID test for me. Did Trump have someone take his SAT?

[11] Is that true?

[12] Yeah.

[13] Yeah, it's true.

[14] Apparently, but I don't know what's true.

[15] Right.

[16] What the hell is true anymore?

[17] Well, anything before the internet is hard and even during the internet, internet it's hard because they splice things up and edit stuff oh it's all sound bites you could you could hate anybody or love anybody i know it's what you know what's weird man is um when the the deep fake stuff like how long do we have before you don't know what you're seeing how long before do do we have before you know we see like a world leader declaring war on us and we don't know if it's real yeah correct how long i say now i mean somebody could do it right now I mean, I don't know, because North Korea could fire a missile and it wouldn't go anywhere, I don't think.

[18] I like how they introduce new players.

[19] Like, now you have to be worried about the sister.

[20] Right.

[21] You notice that?

[22] Like, the evil sister, and she's thin.

[23] So you probably think she's mean.

[24] She will be.

[25] She's going to be very mad.

[26] Oh, yeah.

[27] She'll be a Karen.

[28] A Karen.

[29] Imagine if your fucking kids named Karen.

[30] What a bummer that must be.

[31] If you're a nice person named Karen and then Karen.

[32] Well, it's like Corona beer.

[33] I mean, I can't believe they had to stop that.

[34] That makes me sad.

[35] What do you mean?

[36] They stopped the name?

[37] That's what I'm told they stopped making it.

[38] Now, I don't know if that's true.

[39] That's the source I heard.

[40] I still enjoy a Corona.

[41] I'm not a fucking child.

[42] I like Corona light, but what am I going to do?

[43] And then AIDS candy, that was a smart move.

[44] You had to stop that diet candy.

[45] Yeah, it makes you lose weight.

[46] It's ironically sad.

[47] Most people don't even know what we're talking about.

[48] It's A -Y -D -S, right?

[49] That's what it's called?

[50] It was a diet candy, like a chocolate that you would eat.

[51] I never took it.

[52] I mean, it's like the X -Lax for dieting.

[53] Oh, is it like a...

[54] Well, X -Lax actually helps you diet also.

[55] But all it does is just get rid of the food that's in your body.

[56] It's not healthy.

[57] No. No, I was somewhere once that I was on a modium because I was having a rough day.

[58] I don't know what happened.

[59] That's another diuretic, right?

[60] It's constipater.

[61] Yeah.

[62] I mean, it's, it's...

[63] Appetite suppressant candy.

[64] Oh, so it's an appetite suppressant.

[65] So it's not a...

[66] No. What is X -Lax?

[67] That's a lax.

[68] It helps you...

[69] It makes you shit, it helps you shit, diarrhea, explosive.

[70] Explosively, if you eat the whole.

[71] box you can shit yourself to death you could OD on it what is barf what is barf barf is detergent it said oh that's funny barf's a detergent is that real they didn't discontinue it because people vomit did they find out they really did discontinue corona beer that sounds so ridiculous that's what I heard from somebody it's a classic there was also a candy called anal warts that they decided to take off the market you know that's the kind of shit that I why do I do it you never went there couldn't help yourself I could You know what it is?

[72] All those years of full house.

[73] Oh, Moldello says they were taking these actions in order to comply with the measures taken by Mexico.

[74] Production of Corona beer halted.

[75] See?

[76] And I don't understand why it had to be.

[77] Because they're fools.

[78] They're just chicken shit.

[79] I think so.

[80] Nobody gives a fuck.

[81] You're not going to buy Corona beer?

[82] It doesn't correlate to me. No, it doesn't.

[83] It's not called COVID, by the way.

[84] Right.

[85] And coronaviruss occur every year.

[86] single year.

[87] And now we can't see those ads of cool looking people, gorgeously shot at the beach with the lime and the beers right there.

[88] Mark Norman had a funny bit about that.

[89] So you put it on Instagram, but it's almost like they already knew because, like, they're always someone alone.

[90] Yeah.

[91] It's one person in an ice bucket with four beers or two people.

[92] I don't think it was because of the name Corona.

[93] I think it was just because of the, like, lockdown period when people couldn't be at work.

[94] Bro, somebody sent me something about Mexico.

[95] Holy shit.

[96] I had no idea There are that many deaths every day in Mexico.

[97] There are so many murders right now in Mexico.

[98] Holy fuck.

[99] It's crazy.

[100] This is a bad week for murder.

[101] Yeah.

[102] Well, it's real bad for Mexico.

[103] Mexico, but all over the states, too.

[104] It's been like crazy.

[105] Crazy in New York City.

[106] Well, they told cops that, first of all, cops are trying to, they're retiring left and right in New York.

[107] And then they told them they can't restrain people by putting weight on them.

[108] They can't put a knee on their back or their neck or.

[109] any other place, and they can't administer chokeholds.

[110] And there's all these jiu -jitsu guys who train cops that are, like Hennar Gracie, put a video on his Instagram page.

[111] He works a lot with cops, Jamie, Hennar -Gracy, and explaining why is it a terrible idea.

[112] Like, you can't control someone any other way, unless you use violence, unless you hit them with things.

[113] They used to be the old nut squeeze back in the day.

[114] Well, you can meet somebody.

[115] Yeah, so he's a warning to me. mayor de Blasio but de Blasio is a fool man he's he's a foolish person well we have to have order but we also have to have peace well I don't know how they've we are so we are so fucked up right now so fucked up it got so far gone in so many of these precincts and so many of these these look at this one guy who literally does not know how to grapple and this cop tries to take him down and well do you think there's adrenaline and adderall in a person that is that I think that cop didn't know what the fuck he was doing this is the thing these cops don't they should all be you know Andrew Yang said it best he said every cop should be like a purple belt in jujitsu he's right everyone should know or judo or something they should know you're right how to wrestle how to defend themselves and a lot of cops don't know anything they literally don't know how to defend themselves so then they're left with weapons that should also be a psychological training as well.

[116] I understood, I heard someone speak.

[117] I believe it was, um, who's our Carl Sagan?

[118] He's a...

[119] He's a...

[120] Lovely guy.

[121] So how are you talking about?

[122] Neil de Gros Tyson?

[123] Yes, thank you.

[124] Sorry, I didn't hear the first part.

[125] I'm going deaf slowly.

[126] Are you?

[127] I don't have Corona, but the left ears out.

[128] Really?

[129] No, I took a day quill.

[130] Did you...

[131] Ever playing a rock band or anything?

[132] I have.

[133] Really?

[134] Well, I can beat.

[135] I play a guitar.

[136] I play guitar.

[137] Stamos plays the drum.

[138] Yeah, true.

[139] You guys get together?

[140] We do.

[141] Really?

[142] He has a band room.

[143] We haven't done it in a while because we can't right now.

[144] Yeah, you can.

[145] Just get tested.

[146] Well, you're not going to get Mike Love from the Beach Boys to take COVID, I don't think.

[147] No, you won't do it.

[148] I love that you gave me one.

[149] I love that you personally, but I love that I had one just now.

[150] Well, I think it's important for everybody to know because you can get it mind fuck yourself and think you have it.

[151] I've mind fucked myself a bunch of times.

[152] Like, am I short of breath?

[153] We've all done it.

[154] We do it at night.

[155] It's a panic attack.

[156] Yeah.

[157] And it could be just, I get allergies.

[158] And I've also had walking pneumonia because when I'm on the road over the years, you just are on planes or international stuff.

[159] And you go like, you're heavy breathing.

[160] And then I find out, oh, I just did 10 dates in a row.

[161] Then I come back and my doctor says, Bob, you have pneumonia.

[162] Yeah.

[163] Road funk.

[164] Right.

[165] Yeah.

[166] And you don't know what the fuck's coming out of the vents on the planes.

[167] Well, it's just being next to people that are farting in your face, too.

[168] Literally.

[169] Actual shit spray.

[170] They freckle you.

[171] They walk by when they go to the bathroom.

[172] And people don't know what freckles.

[173] Telling is, I'm not telling you.

[174] Yeah.

[175] There's a product called Freckled, and they're taking it off the market.

[176] I wonder if people are going to go back to no masks in public.

[177] I think there's going to be a certain number of people that are just going to keep wearing masks.

[178] I think you're right.

[179] And when I was in Japan, I didn't understand the mask theory, which was not about, I don't think it was about a contagion type thing.

[180] It was about cleanliness.

[181] It was about the air quality.

[182] I think it's also about being polite.

[183] The Japanese culture, if you have sniffles or something.

[184] like that, you don't want to give it to someone else.

[185] They're more thoughtful and considerate.

[186] Now, that is what we're lacking here.

[187] Yes.

[188] The people that are yelling, I'm not wearing a mask.

[189] You're taking to wear my rights.

[190] Do you see that lady in Florida?

[191] Yeah.

[192] The bar has given away 100 free meals to the people that don't wear masks.

[193] Florida has the fourth number of coronavirus cases on Earth.

[194] If Florida was a country, it would have the fourth on earth.

[195] Yes.

[196] Well, they opened it up to prove their point.

[197] that their petri dish was impenetrable.

[198] Well, they opened it up to Disney World.

[199] They did.

[200] They opened Disney World.

[201] And people love the idea of not waiting in line, so they're willing to die.

[202] What is a skinny video of Disney World opening day?

[203] I saw it's going around on Saturday that there was some influencers that went, because there's a lot of people on YouTube that just go to Disney Parks all the time.

[204] Yeah, yeah.

[205] And they were saying they felt sick, and they just went the next day.

[206] And they're like, oh, this is fun, but all of our throats hurt real bad.

[207] Oh, my God.

[208] I think they all have it, unless they're faking.

[209] They're probably.

[210] Well, there's a lot of, and then there's Splash Mountain.

[211] I mean, there's things that there's no way droplets don't come out of you and go into the mouth of the person behind.

[212] Do you ever see the movie Outbreak years ago with Dustin Hoppin?

[213] Yes.

[214] So there's an amazing shot in the movie.

[215] It's a point of view of a flam.

[216] And it literally follows phlegm.

[217] A guy laughs.

[218] It's a comedy, of course, laughs.

[219] A piece of phlegm comes out of his mouth.

[220] They follow point of view.

[221] They do CGI or beginnings of it.

[222] and it goes into another person's mouth.

[223] And that's how, in a contagion way, that they represented how this thing can travel.

[224] And I wear a mask.

[225] It was funny when you had Bill Burr on here, who's a mutual friend.

[226] People do not understand that I was goading Bill into going on a rant.

[227] I was fucking with it.

[228] People wrote it out like I really don't wear.

[229] I have a mask in my fucking pocket.

[230] I wear one every day.

[231] No, you're, it's funny because everything's out of context.

[232] Everything's serious.

[233] But when you're talking to comedians.

[234] I'm trying so hard because I'm a newbie at this.

[235] I'm on my 33rd episode.

[236] You're on the Hebrew calendar.

[237] You're 5 ,748 episodes.

[238] You know, you're 10 years of doing something that revolutionized this, okay?

[239] So I just started it because I was before COVID.

[240] I started it because I was doing shows and I'd be in a theater and people would be yelling at each other.

[241] And I would go, guys, what are you doing?

[242] or I'd have a bit about prejudice when I was six years old, when there was profiling, when there was segregated bathrooms.

[243] And I started talking about it.

[244] People would get angry in the door.

[245] At you?

[246] At me for, at the world.

[247] One guy yelled the South will rise again.

[248] This is pre -COVID?

[249] Pre -COVID.

[250] The guy yelled out the South will rise again.

[251] My response was, sir, we're in Boston.

[252] I was at the Wilbur.

[253] He was serious?

[254] He was 100 % serious.

[255] And then they went and went to tag him.

[256] And I said, no, leave him be.

[257] You know, unless someone continues, I deal with it.

[258] We deal with it.

[259] The South will rise again.

[260] In fucking Boston.

[261] Well, it's, they've had a long downtime.

[262] You know, I mean, you lost in 1865.

[263] You're going to rise again?

[264] The other thing is, they're pulling down statues, right?

[265] So the statues are like, they're like chocolate Easter eggs, Easter bunnies, the ones that are hollow.

[266] So if a statue to me is less than an inch thick of the lining around it and it's hollow and side.

[267] I think at an inch it could maybe stay up if it's heavy enough.

[268] But if 10 guys could pull it down with a rope and it's made of aluminum, that's got to come down.

[269] That's like a jiffy pop.

[270] It really, here's the thing about these statues.

[271] This is one thing that people need to understand.

[272] A lot of the statues.

[273] I'm only laughing about it, by the way, because I'm trying to find humor in what's so chaos.

[274] It's chaos.

[275] It's a dismantling of history.

[276] Some of it should be dismantled.

[277] Some of those statues should go.

[278] They really shouldn't be.

[279] be there, but they should take them and bring them to some sort of a civil war museum or something like that.

[280] But a lot of those statutes, look, there's Gingus Khan museums, right?

[281] There's museum pieces on Gingas Khan.

[282] He killed 10 % of the world's population while he was alive.

[283] There's something about those statues, though, that a lot of people don't realize.

[284] Like, they were really cheaply made and put up very quickly in response to the civil rights movement.

[285] Right.

[286] That's what people don't understand.

[287] That those aren't like these longstanding homagees to these great generals.

[288] No, they were in response to the civil rights movement, so they started putting up these Confederate statues.

[289] You know, that's why they're made it, they're made like shit.

[290] They were made really quickly.

[291] Tin for them.

[292] We could make them.

[293] I bet we could.

[294] Pie pans.

[295] Yeah.

[296] But then you go to Grant.

[297] You go to see Grant's tomb or Grant statue.

[298] I mean, it's made of molten lava.

[299] Well, they probably want to take his thing down, too.

[300] See, the thing is, Trump said something and everybody thought he was joking.

[301] Like, what's next?

[302] They're going to take down Lincoln.

[303] They're going to take down George Washington.

[304] And everybody's like, get the fuck out of here.

[305] They're not going to do that.

[306] But they are doing that.

[307] They are trying to take down George Washington statues.

[308] And people are saying you should get rid of George Washington statues because George Washington owned slaves and George Washington was a white supremacist.

[309] He didn't want to own slaves.

[310] He wanted to abolish it from what I've read and from what I understand.

[311] It would be so hard to know.

[312] It would be so hard to know other than what he wrote and, you know, unless you have a fucking time machine.

[313] It would be so hard.

[314] You're right.

[315] We don't even know what history is.

[316] right now.

[317] We're being fed. I try to watch all news things or none.

[318] I try to watch every single channel because I want to see where the world's at.

[319] Well, I think that's the worst way to get news is off television.

[320] I think you get so much nonsense and so much posturing and virtue signaling and so much bias.

[321] Like when I watched CNN, I was watching CNN when they were correcting Trump on these things that he says.

[322] And it wasn't even news.

[323] It was like this weird opinion piece.

[324] It's tabloid.

[325] It's all tabloid.

[326] Fox's tabloid.

[327] All MSNBC.

[328] Exactly.

[329] There's jewels in all of it, though.

[330] There's reality in all of it because you'll get just the right broadcaster, an actual broadcaster and news journalist.

[331] You'll get a couple of people that are that on every one of those networks.

[332] Yeah.

[333] And then you'll get a guest that feeds the beast.

[334] Rather, it's become like South Park.

[335] And it's going to be offensive to some people, what I'm going to say?

[336] it'll be like we have here the president of the United States and it's a split screen and also a midget you know and then they'll have just because everyone has a voice and that's an offensive word by the way um midget president of the United States hey he's a comedian no rim shot please don't hit the button but um but that's what they would do or a man in a hoop skirt you know they they would do that on South Park constantly and we've kind of become that here's a person that has a person that has a has, you know, 10 million people looking at them on whatever site you look at, and then someone who has 5 ,000 people who has a YouTube page that people go to.

[337] But it's just to start, everybody goes to the news source they want that validates what their opinion is.

[338] Or to get angry.

[339] You might tune in to Fox News just to get angry.

[340] Or tune into CNN to get angry if you're on the other side.

[341] It's weird time, man. But it's got to come together.

[342] I know that's what you try to do that.

[343] I know that that's what, I mean, stand -up is the root of that in a way.

[344] Yeah, because you can make fun of ideas that maybe even someone agrees with the idea, but if you mock that idea and it's so funny, it gets them to laugh, they have to think about it.

[345] You know, like, if you, like, say if you're a pro - How beautiful is that?

[346] It's amazing.

[347] To be able to do that and how bad do you want to do it right now.

[348] Oh, yeah, I'd love to do it right now.

[349] I need to do it.

[350] I had this bit about Trump, and I had this guy come up to me, he goes, I'll tell you why.

[351] that joke's good.

[352] He goes, I fucking love Trump, and that joke was hilarious.

[353] Like, when you can say, when you can make fun of something that someone loves and they still think it's funny.

[354] Right.

[355] Yeah.

[356] Then they have to think.

[357] There's a skill to that.

[358] I try to do that.

[359] I try to, it's impossible to come up with something that pleases every side and every perspective, but I'm trying.

[360] But that's why I end up talking about my dick so much.

[361] Because it does, it does lean left.

[362] And it's a pleaser.

[363] It is a pleaser.

[364] I might have to say that again sometime.

[365] It's a pleaser.

[366] It is.

[367] You should sell t -shirts on your website.

[368] It's a pleaser.

[369] You just got me some merch ideas.

[370] That's a good merch idea right there.

[371] Yeah, it's impossible to make everybody happy.

[372] Because here's one thing.

[373] Everybody doesn't want to be happy.

[374] There's a lot of people that they love being miserable.

[375] They like being angry.

[376] It's easier to be angry than it is to dig out and wake up positive and go, I'm going to try to write some things today.

[377] Not write, I mean, R -I -G -H -T, make things better in the world by putting out my energy, by trying to, if there could just be a fucking discourse.

[378] Yeah, it's just, there's also a problem.

[379] With people that don't agree.

[380] But there's also a problem that we have timelines.

[381] Like, we have a deadline.

[382] We have a deadline.

[383] Our deadline's November.

[384] The world's going to fall apart.

[385] We've got to get rid of this motherfucker by November, and everybody's clamoring and trying to figure out how to do it.

[386] and pretending Joe Briden's brain isn't melting and everyone's running around trying to put together some sort of a...

[387] Well, actually, they got a mic stand duct tape and a pipe cleaner.

[388] He's going to be fine.

[389] He's going to be...

[390] They're going to weekend at Bernie's him all the way to the fucking cabinet.

[391] He's been doing some goods, putting out some stuff that's pretty...

[392] Where?

[393] Online.

[394] He's been giving some...

[395] No, there's some videos, speeches, things that are a little bit more promising than some of the other...

[396] Deep fakes.

[397] That's not even him.

[398] That's a guy who does a good Biden impression?

[399] I have not heard a good Biden impression.

[400] I have not heard a good Biden, if we were doing stand -up, there would be a guy who would have, there'd be some comic out there.

[401] I would think Dana Carvey would be able to do it.

[402] He could do anything.

[403] Have you had him here?

[404] No, I'd love to, though.

[405] I love him so much.

[406] Yeah.

[407] He is one of the purest, sweetest people I've ever known.

[408] He was the, his character of Lorne Michaels was the original Dr. Evil, right?

[409] Yes, and Mike Myers sort of.

[410] Mike Myers, and they hung out, and it would always be the pinky in the mouth.

[411] and uh yeah yeah it was it was dana is an original dan he's brilliant yeah he's a brilliant he's a we would sit around back in when you were i think you were six but we would go to fabs this uh italian restaurant on uh van eyes and we would be with our wives fabs he stayed with his wife my wife and i got divorced but i have a new wife uh she's congratulations thank you she's van eyes used to be a hot spot i was looking at this video or this uh there's a i think it was LA Times had a photographic essay of Van Nuys Boulevard in the 70s, and it was amazing.

[412] It was all these people with bell bottoms and these cool cars, and they used to, on Saturday nights, drive their cars up and down the road.

[413] It was fun.

[414] Yeah, but it was like a place where people would go to cruise.

[415] Yeah.

[416] It was boogie nights without the heroin and people getting harmed, giant prosthetic.

[417] Marky Mark Presthetic Dix So we would sit there And it was right before he got Saturday Night Live What year was this?

[418] 86 It was one year Before he got that And before I I had been in a Richard Pryor movie That was the first thing of consequence And then What movie was that?

[419] Critical Condition You got to work with Pryor I got to spend a month with him And I got to hang out with him Because I was one of the hosts At the store for eight years And you got to work with Pryor When Pryor was Pryor Well it was after the fire But it was still, like, live on a sunset strip was after the fire.

[420] It was after the fire.

[421] That was his best.

[422] He did Jojo Dancer.

[423] And Critical Condition was directed by Michael Apt had a great director who did a coal miner's daughter.

[424] Made a lot of important moves.

[425] Did the seven up series?

[426] Do you ever see that?

[427] Seven up, 14, up, 21 up.

[428] No. Took seven people through their lives from London and followed them every seven years did a documentary about them.

[429] Oh, wow.

[430] It's just a real special, brilliant, lovely man. He was head of the academy for a while.

[431] Anyway, so what happened was, but working with prior, we were, you know, when you're doing a movie, we were in a shower stall in an old hospital and it was supposed to be Rikers Island or whatever the hell that prison is off there.

[432] Is that, is it Rikers?

[433] Which one?

[434] In New York.

[435] What's the?

[436] I think that's Rikers, right?

[437] Yeah.

[438] I think that's what it was.

[439] It was representing that, but we shot it in High Point, North Carolina with really good actors, Montaena and Ruben Blades and all these Randall Tech's Cobbs, some really cool.

[440] No shit.

[441] Cool, weird eclectic group.

[442] And I just watched him the other day in Raising Arizona.

[443] He's a great actor.

[444] That was great, man. That movie was wild.

[445] That's one of the best, that low point of view shot in the supermarket.

[446] Images in that, in a lot of Cohn Brothers movies.

[447] They're the best.

[448] Come on, man. He's fucking shit.

[449] I love Brother, Big Lobowski.

[450] Big Lobowski is my wife.

[451] Every day, it's like, let's just watch the Big Lobowski.

[452] It's a fucking classic, man. It's a dude floating in space, man. Sorry, I was interrupting you.

[453] So you're working with prior.

[454] So we're in a shower stall, and we became friends.

[455] We would go to dinner.

[456] I was the guy.

[457] I'm always wanting to make things better somehow.

[458] I was raised that way by my dad and my mom that try to make peace for people.

[459] That's the thing.

[460] and he liked that I would invite him because people didn't invite him to shit because he was kind of unapproachable to some people.

[461] Oh, right.

[462] So we would go to dinner and we would laugh and I would make him laugh.

[463] We had to do one scene 40 takes.

[464] One shot, there was a long, steady -camp shot.

[465] We had a dead body in it that was covered in water and I was supposed to say something like, oh, the guy was in the drink, we found it.

[466] But it was such a fake -looking body and every time I said this serious line, I was this young doctor, Richard just cracked up.

[467] And so he's looking in my face And there's no bigger honor.

[468] Look at you, look at you baby face, motherfucker.

[469] Fuck, man. How old were you then?

[470] 26, 27.

[471] Wow.

[472] And.

[473] Wow.

[474] That was a good scene.

[475] That's Ruben.

[476] Wow.

[477] I remember all of this.

[478] He and I, so he couldn't, the fact that he couldn't look in my face and kept laughing and it was a serious scene.

[479] Do you know what an honor that is?

[480] Oh, man. That's amazing.

[481] So the guy that was an idol.

[482] So I'm sitting in a shower.

[483] with him and he shows me this thing this is graphic he shows me this scrubbing brush and one side's soft the other side is just bristles and he says i don't think he'd mind me telling you this i always think about when you talk about someone that you love that's deceased would they be okay with what you're saying so it's not tmz garbage so he would take the the hard scrubbing part and he said this is what this is what they took my skin off with after the fire they had to scrub my whole body with this shit and I just sat there and I remember crying I think there was a the combined empathy and then I told him of like my sister that died and then he was telling you know you just get close with people and then one night I didn't invite him to dinner because he'd had a hard day and he was mad at me the next day and I was like oh my god so he was enjoying so I said but he was he was in a rough place He was, you know, he was complicated human.

[484] But I remember saying to, because when you're acting, you're just, I don't know, I was green.

[485] I said, so you're upset with me. I'm so sorry.

[486] This means we're friends, right?

[487] Because I upset you, right?

[488] And then he went to, we went to dinner again.

[489] Because that's like.

[490] He's the classic complicated comedian, right?

[491] Yeah, with the hardest shit.

[492] Drug addiction, all the chaos.

[493] Grown up in a, yeah, everything.

[494] Poor house.

[495] Yeah, he grew up in a brothel.

[496] I mean, that's his headshot on the wall over there.

[497] Yeah.

[498] Yeah, I mean, he was, I think he was 19.

[499] And he was doing the button -down Bill Cosby way of doing stand -up.

[500] Yeah.

[501] But it's still, when you look at, everybody goes, oh, he went and flipped like George Carlin, and all of a sudden he was a different guy.

[502] He was still the same guy.

[503] You still saw, even though Cosby, I know, was mad at him because he thought he was lifting some of his stuff.

[504] But Cosby would get mad at a lot of people, but he's doing fun.

[505] now um well i think everybody starts out in imitation of the people they really love and respect who did you start out richard jenny a lot yeah he and yeah i remember on stage once i caught myself i'd like a year in a comedy i was like jesus christ like i'm i'm aping his mannerisms like i was but i don't see that when i see no i got rid of it i realized that you know you become who you are But in the beginning, you know, I think it's normal.

[506] I mean, it happens with bands.

[507] You know, look, Stevie Ray Vaughn was deeply influenced by Jimmy Hendricks.

[508] It's like, and then he became Stevie Ray Vaughn.

[509] Even when he does Voodoo Child, like, if you listen to Stevie Ray Vaughn's cover of Voodoo Child, it's Stevie Ray Vaughn's version.

[510] He became his own man. And I think all of us in the beginning got into comedy because we wanted to be.

[511] some comedian that we really admired.

[512] And when I was just darting out, I got a chance to see Richard Jenny a few times.

[513] And I remember being baffled by his ability to turn over material.

[514] It was stunning, man. So prolific.

[515] So prolific.

[516] You're going to make me cry because I was close with him, as close as you could get because he had such mental health issues.

[517] I didn't believe he died.

[518] And I, Dave Kulay.

[519] instant messaged me. That's not how you want to find that out.

[520] So I called his number and his girlfriend the next morning.

[521] And his girlfriend answered and just said, it's true, Bob.

[522] And I went, oh, fuck, because I didn't believe it.

[523] I couldn't believe it.

[524] I met him a few times.

[525] I saw him live a few times in the early days.

[526] And then once, you know, this was like when I was an open micer.

[527] I mean, I went to see him live at Catcherizing.

[528] star in Cambridge when I was just starting out.

[529] And I sat in the front row and he made fun of me. It was great.

[530] Because I had seen him on the Tonight Show that the first time I'd ever seen him was on the Tonight Show.

[531] And he did a bunch of appearances on the Tonight Show.

[532] And then I'd seen one of his TV specials, one of his hour specials.

[533] And then I got a chance to see him several times.

[534] And I've told the story, forgive me if you heard it on the podcast, folks.

[535] But we were at East Side Comedy Club.

[536] And he had just been the...

[537] there and the host was just he I got there like Saturday night after the late show and the host was like he did four different hours he did two different hours Friday night and two different hours Saturday night and murdered and they were like Jesus Christ and this was me I was like three years in a comedy and I remember thinking God damn that is so that was so impossible to even imagine that someone could be that good.

[538] Then I got this chance to see him a year later at the comedy works in Montreal as a part of the festival, the Just for Last Festival.

[539] Yeah, yeah.

[540] He was in that little, you remember, did you ever work that place, Jimbo's place?

[541] No. No?

[542] No, I just did the, I did a show there at the Plastazar for some broadcasted show that I hosted.

[543] Jimbo, the guy who owned the club in Montreal, had this little tiny club that was upstairs.

[544] Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.

[545] Yeah.

[546] Yeah.

[547] Yeah, I did it the night before.

[548] I was there, yeah, I was there.

[549] That's where you go the night before anything.

[550] I did it with Jim Norton and, uh, I did it with Norton, yeah.

[551] And Brewer.

[552] Yes, I did it with Brewer, too.

[553] Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was fun as shit.

[554] I was going, where the, what the fuck am I doing always, you can't always play gigantic, well, you're taking over the world.

[555] You know, you're, you play little places too, man, though.

[556] I love little places.

[557] But you play spaces now.

[558] I play big places, but I still, I admire the fuck out of what you're doing, by the way.

[559] I have to tell you that because, you know, there's like five people.

[560] Kevin Hart thinks he's two of them that can.

[561] But, you know, comedy rock star shit.

[562] I subscribe, you know.

[563] Well, he's doing it.

[564] And you're doing it.

[565] And to be on a thing with Chappelle and to be able to do that and to be able to go out there, especially where we're at right now, and this is not, I'm not, there's nothing on my nose right now.

[566] I'm just telling you the truth from my heart.

[567] It's, I do this.

[568] I've always done it.

[569] More so now, I'm 64 years old now, even though I look, you know, 63.

[570] But what you're able to do, if you can unify people in a room or in a drive -bed or at these giant places that you're doing, it is absolutely beautiful.

[571] And especially now, whenever you're able to do those dates that are coming up, people will never forget it.

[572] When we come out of this.

[573] That's very nice.

[574] I don't know if we're going to be able to.

[575] I've kind of resigned myself to...

[576] I think we will.

[577] I'm fine.

[578] Listen, like legitimately, I'm fine working in comedy clubs for the rest of my life.

[579] I don't give a fuck.

[580] I just like doing stand -up.

[581] And that's one of the things that I've gotten out of this.

[582] You know, I've been doing the last few years I've been doing arenas.

[583] And they're great.

[584] But so is the OR at the comedy store.

[585] Yep.

[586] That's great, too.

[587] I'm fine with that.

[588] I don't...

[589] I honestly, I just like doing stand -up.

[590] If we can never do arenas again, if no one ever, no rock bands, no UFC ever does an arena again, no football games are ever in a sold -out arena.

[591] Okay.

[592] But you can't do UFC in the OR.

[593] Well, they're doing UFC with no crowd.

[594] That's true.

[595] And it's amazing.

[596] I love it.

[597] I've called two, yeah, two fights now with no audience.

[598] And I enjoy it, man. It's great.

[599] I'm just happy that the fights are happening And like when I did I did shows in Houston a couple weeks ago Yeah I was talking to wanted to talk to you about that Yeah me Tony Hinchcliff and Brian Moses We did the Houston Improv We had a great time first of all It's a great room It's a great room I was supposed to go there I had to not because of what's going on now Yeah But you went in I was like wow Brave brave motherfucker Fucking we wanted to We just wanted to You know first of all I missed I miss doing shows, but I miss hanging out with comics on the road.

[600] It's fun, you know, and...

[601] My buddy Mike Young, we always tour together, and it's like, I'm with my brother.

[602] Yes, it's fun.

[603] You and, you know, and that's the big thing.

[604] It's like touring on the road with people you love, it's the best, because, like, Moses is the best.

[605] I love him, and I love Tony.

[606] He hosts Russ Battle.

[607] Oh, I know.

[608] He's great, and Tony's one of my best friends.

[609] So it's like, to be with these guys, we were just...

[610] From the moment we saw each other We'd go to restaurants We'd do shows It was all smiles and laughs Like holy shit We're doing stand -up again This is crazy Moses had done the weekend before He did I forget Oh he did American Comedy Company In San Diego He did that place Which is apparently was open And now they're closed again They closed La Jolla again too They were doing the La Jolla store Sorry to hear that Well you know They gotta take precautions Listen man I was pretty nonchalant about it in terms of like not worried, but as more time has gone on in terms of like getting sick, my fear is getting somebody else sick.

[611] That's number one.

[612] Well, that's the key.

[613] That's the shit out of me. That's what's fucking lacking.

[614] And that's what's lacking from our administration that there's empathy.

[615] We need empathy.

[616] Well, we were talking about that earlier.

[617] We were talking about Mary Trump's book.

[618] I read some passages out of it today.

[619] I haven't read the whole book, but I read this long piece.

[620] on it about Trump's child with him as a kid when she was young I don't know but it's his niece her brother was his or her father brother was his brother and you kind of understand I mean if she's being honest and I assume she has first of all it's very well written she's obviously extremely intelligent like very eloquent like the way she's writing it and and I believe she has a background in psychology and the way she writes it it doesn't it's not like a hateful thing like she's basically explaining why he's so fucked up and why he lacks empathy and what she said was that the father was like a sociopath and the mother was never around and was absent and didn't give him any love or attention and only you and according to her use the children to comfort herself instead of being there for them and that he developed this narcissistic self -centered personality in response to that and that his father would, you know, would any time he showed emotions or any time he showed, his father would cast that aside and squash that inside of him.

[621] That's very clear.

[622] Yeah.

[623] So he developed this.

[624] That's the thing that's most disturbing about him.

[625] When I talk to people that are fans of Trump and they say, why aren't you?

[626] Like, what do you lease like?

[627] I go, what I lease?

[628] First of all, I don't understand the economy.

[629] So when people say he's good for the economy, he's good for business, is that short term?

[630] What does that mean long term?

[631] That was pre -COVID.

[632] That's all that was.

[633] The world's fucked economically post -COVID.

[634] He is not the president for where we're at.

[635] Right.

[636] But the thing that bothers me most.

[637] He could adjust if he would.

[638] But he's not capable.

[639] The problem is the lack of empathy.

[640] Like when he would make, like when he talked about John McCain, he said, I like soldiers that don't get captured.

[641] Remember that?

[642] Yeah.

[643] That is a crazy thing to say to a guy as a war hero.

[644] I mean, it's funny.

[645] You know, you're laughing at it because you're a comic.

[646] Oh, I'm laughing at it because of the, it's ludicrous.

[647] It's for ludicrous.

[648] I mean, I'm not laughing at.

[649] Well, none of that.

[650] I mean, it's horrific.

[651] This is a guy who deferred.

[652] I unfortunately will be the first person to laugh at the worst gallows joke.

[653] Of course.

[654] You're a comic.

[655] Right.

[656] And then it'll get misquoted and then I'm a asshole.

[657] Right.

[658] And you've been misquoted lately, terribly.

[659] There's no way around that.

[660] No. Especially in this day and age when they could redefine you with something out of context.

[661] But the point is that what, what, what.

[662] What it shows, the lack of empathy is the last thing we need right now.

[663] Well, we need empathy.

[664] We need someone who can say something that calms people down and brings us together and inspires us, man. People need inspiration and we need to know and understand that we are all in this together.

[665] And we can go forth and pretend we're not and keep burning buildings and keep going crazy and screaming in the streets for the heads of politicians and kill the cops and all that crazy shit.

[666] Or take your mask off.

[667] That's my fucking right.

[668] and fuck you he never he wants love that's the crazy part he wants to be loved he thinks he's don rickles he wants to when he puts people down and say punch him in the mouth and stuff he he's trying to be that guy i've known people like him who are just assholes yeah but don rickles wasn't an asshole that's why it worked he was like a dad to me he was a lovely guy that's why it worked when he would shit on you it's like when guys it's a gift it's like the pope right exactly like You know, when guys, some guys can shit on you and it's, look, that's the beauty of roast battle.

[669] Right.

[670] Brian Moses is show, the beauty of roast battle is these people are shitting on the most embarrassing aspects of each other and they're both laughing at it.

[671] And it's great.

[672] And that's what Jeff Ross.

[673] That's his whole theory is, I only roast the ones I love.

[674] Yes.

[675] Which comes from the old friars and old maskers before that.

[676] That's Ross's thing.

[677] I mean, he loves those.

[678] Everybody hack it and all that.

[679] When you in New York, he would be like, I'm going to the friars.

[680] priors club you want to come like what the fuck is wrong with you you gonna hang out with a bunch of old dead men like that's how i look and how much fun did you have i didn't go oh but he was but he was always that guy was my you really didn't want to be with a bunch of old dead men listen man i back then in particular i was crazy like this is uh what were you doing at 24 25 oh i just i just stopped fighting i was i was just no longer competing so i was still i still had like this maniacal mindset.

[681] I was a crazy person.

[682] You know, I just wanted to play pool and go stay up all night.

[683] Were you single then?

[684] Yes.

[685] I didn't want to hang out a bunch of old dudes.

[686] Right.

[687] Old dudes and listen to some old jokes and listen to them talk about the Jackie Gleason show.

[688] Like, no. No. Got to go, bro.

[689] He always loved it.

[690] I had one fun experience that Jeff took me there for lunch.

[691] I go there.

[692] This is maybe 15 years ago.

[693] I think I was there because I was doing the Jack Black roast, which was at the Hilton.

[694] I was the host.

[695] I was the the, whatever you call it, the emcee, the roastmaster.

[696] Yes.

[697] And so Jack is being roasted and it's for charity.

[698] And so I go there and I hadn't been in the friars and I sit there and I'm just sitting with Jeff and I get the phone.

[699] There's a phone next to me and the phone rings.

[700] They go, Mr. Sag got the phones for you and I pick it up and a man goes, look to your left.

[701] And I look to my left and it's an old Jewish guy with orange hair and he goes, fuck you.

[702] And I went, what?

[703] He goes, well, Red Skelton?

[704] I don't know.

[705] To this day?

[706] He looked like red buttons.

[707] I don't know.

[708] And I go, what?

[709] Do I know you?

[710] He goes, fuck you.

[711] Welcome to the Friars.

[712] And he hung up.

[713] That's hilarious.

[714] And that was, that to me was kind of cool.

[715] I, now.

[716] It's probably a COVID petri dish now.

[717] I don't think so.

[718] Those guys don't make it.

[719] I think it's gone.

[720] Yeah.

[721] I think the Friars Club is gone.

[722] Yeah.

[723] I would have, like, now as a person who, like, appreciates the history of comedy, I kind of I wish I went to one of those things, just to see what it was like to hang out with those guys.

[724] I got to be Red Skelton once.

[725] That was pretty cool.

[726] That was at an NBC event back when I was, I think I was on Fear Factor.

[727] But it was cool to meet him.

[728] Did you enjoy that show?

[729] Fear Factor?

[730] Yeah.

[731] I enjoyed the money.

[732] That's all I enjoyed.

[733] I enjoyed the people I worked with.

[734] They were fun people.

[735] What year was that?

[736] When did you start?

[737] 2001 to 2006.

[738] I enjoyed, I enjoyed some of the people.

[739] it i enjoyed like when nice people won i enjoyed i enjoyed like helping people overcome like this situation where they were really nervous and i could coach them and talk them through because it brought me back like i used to i used to teach martial arts and i used to coach a lot of kids in particular i bring them to tournaments and i would i would train them and then you know like these 14 15 year old kids i take them to tournaments and they'd be fucking panicking and i would talk them through it and i would say you're going to get through this and you're going to be a better person because you got through this because it's so scary when you get through something so scary you become stronger and this is something you just have to go through and if you just shy away from this you'll shy away from this your whole life but you can get through this other people have done it and you can do it too and i took a lot of that over to fear factor and that's what i what i loved is those moments where you would see someone overcome and then they would be so happy and i'd be so happy till I cried a bunch of times of people.

[740] That's why you were so good on it.

[741] I was doing the video show, and there were things.

[742] I was like, well, this isn't my personality.

[743] And other times I go, okay, these are people are flying in.

[744] They're being flown in to L .A. They made a video of their kid reciting all the presidents when he was two.

[745] Right.

[746] They're all there.

[747] And then I go, and what are you going to do with the $10 ,000?

[748] And the father says, I'm going to make a down payment on our first house.

[749] And the guy's like 50 years old, and I'm like, I'm glad I got this job right now.

[750] That's when I go.

[751] It was worth to see all those people get hit in the nuts for no reason.

[752] Yeah, it's like there's moments in these competition shows where you really do feel like you feel like the world got a little lighter.

[753] Like people got elevated.

[754] When you see someone win, you know, we see people win things.

[755] We see people, I love watching people do better.

[756] I love watching them overcome.

[757] I love watching them like go through some difficult thing and figure it out and get through it.

[758] And the feeling of relief and of just watching the adulation and everybody's cheering and they're like, yes, I get it.

[759] And the surprise and yet the producers know they've got something special, but will it deliver?

[760] Howie Mandel is a dear friend forever and he's on America's Got Talent.

[761] So here's a show that I always was against competition shows.

[762] I wouldn't go on Star Search when I was broke.

[763] I just didn't believe in comedians competing against things.

[764] Yeah.

[765] And then did you ever go on any of those competition things?

[766] No, no, I didn't.

[767] So I'm watching America's Got Talent and they have a handicapped person come out who sings just like you've never heard anyone sing so good.

[768] And then you see the true joy in the people.

[769] It's not just showbiz bullshit selling something.

[770] and that's that feeling.

[771] That's that you came from something that you never, it's a dream fulfilled, and it's about the human spirit.

[772] The human spirit.

[773] Yeah, that's real.

[774] I mean, it's so fun to be cynical for some people and the shit on that, but some of my favorite moments in life.

[775] I used to be more cynical and shit on it.

[776] It's easy to be, especially as a comic when you're struggling, when you're making your way through the, you know, we joke about the worst things where, you know, a lot of us are bitter, a lot of us are jealous.

[777] I'm not bitter, but I do joke about, things I can't I can't do it I know I need two minutes to tee up some horrible joke and then three minutes to get the fuck out of what I just did and that's going to continue because I can't not say stuff it is a part of being a person who's a stand -up comedian that you know that there's a thing you're not supposed to say and you're going to say it and if you do say it you know I'm going to laugh and you're going to laugh we're going to go you motherfucker I can't believe you say that Because when do, I've asked us of many comedian friends and people, when do you think, I mean, is it, is it a teenager in us?

[778] Is it that guy that's being told, don't do this?

[779] Is it, is it, did you lock in at 16?

[780] Do you feel?

[781] I kind of feel sometimes I locked it at nine, because that was the world hadn't fallen apart for me. I didn't see what, what, fuck, how fucked up everything was.

[782] I mean, you could go deep psychologically with it, but I think at the end of the day, we enjoy, first of all, when comedians are around comedians.

[783] Medians is when that shit's the worst, right?

[784] That's when the most gallows humor.

[785] Oh, I try to outwurst everybody.

[786] Of course.

[787] And that's how I made friends.

[788] Well, that's when you take those things out of context in quotes, that's when you're going to get the most in trouble.

[789] People don't, they, it's going to, for a non -comic to understand some of the horrible shit we'll say at Cantor's Deli at 2 o 'clock in the morning.

[790] Oh, it's fun.

[791] And be laughing, bah!

[792] Like, dying, falling under the table.

[793] And all we're trying to do is make each other laugh.

[794] It's not we're horrible, mean people secretly hoping everybody gets cancer.

[795] That's not what we're doing.

[796] We're saying inappropriate things because it's fun to do because I know you're a good guy and I know you don't mean it.

[797] That's the only way it works.

[798] It's letting air out of the pressure cooker.

[799] Yes.

[800] It's stating, that's why people go, how could you do that?

[801] It's too soon.

[802] You don't do that joke.

[803] Sometimes you don't do that joke.

[804] Do you know Brian Holtzman?

[805] Vaguely, yes.

[806] Brian Holtzman is a legend for doing.

[807] material way too soon that only makes comics laugh, but he'll do it on stage.

[808] Do you remember Susan Smith, she's a lady who drowned her children?

[809] And at first she said someone stole the car or something like that and then it turned out, Brian Holtzman's on stage, the week that happens and he goes, I heard those were bad kids.

[810] He goes, I heard they sat that close to the TV, they never put away their blocks, they spilled their milk, those kids will not be missed.

[811] And people are like, oh my God.

[812] Yeah, it's the whole they had it coming thing.

[813] We were fucking crying.

[814] We couldn't believe.

[815] And, you know, people would say, oh, these horrible comedians, they love this shock, and they're just mean, and they just want mean comedy.

[816] It's not even that.

[817] It's hard to explain to a person that's outside of the business.

[818] But to me, like, if I'm around Jeff Ross and something like that happens, I expect that he's going to turn to me and say something fucked up.

[819] He wants to be the first person to say it.

[820] Of course.

[821] And I go, Jeff, no. Yes.

[822] But I'm saying no with love.

[823] Yes, of course.

[824] Of course.

[825] Kenison, I actually, I'm going to date myself.

[826] I don't have to now because I'm married.

[827] That's the kind of jokes I shouldn't do.

[828] No, that's the ones.

[829] But I know as I'm saying them, but I still say them.

[830] You can't help it.

[831] It's a dad joke thing.

[832] Yeah.

[833] Bill Burr said to me, he was a guest on my nubile podcast.

[834] And Bill said to me, you know what your act is, Saggett?

[835] He said, your act is all the lines you couldn't say on full house and you just say fuck all around it.

[836] That's what your act is.

[837] And I went, what do you say?

[838] And then he pummeled me for 20 minutes, and I fucking loved it.

[839] And then I attacked him for like 10 minutes.

[840] But he is, he's one of the best people.

[841] He's one of my favorite people.

[842] He's one of my favorite people on the earth.

[843] He went to my wedding.

[844] I just loved to wind him up.

[845] Oh, fuck.

[846] I was, I had nine stories to start, but that's why this is, I'm so happy to be doing this.

[847] Thank you.

[848] My pleasure.

[849] Thank you.

[850] I haven't talked to anybody.

[851] I know.

[852] You've been stuck, right?

[853] Well, I had a Zoom last night, night before, with Norman Lear and a bunch of musician friends.

[854] Oh, wow.

[855] And we talk about the world.

[856] And we talk about what the fuck are we going to do.

[857] And it's just interesting.

[858] And we used to, we would do it in person.

[859] We'd all sing songs for four or five hours into the night and have different friends show up.

[860] Stamos came.

[861] John Mayer came.

[862] Dave Kaz always comes to it.

[863] And it'd be music.

[864] You play, right?

[865] No. I thought you were a musician.

[866] of zero musical talent.

[867] But you love.

[868] I love music.

[869] Love it.

[870] One of the things I love about music is I don't know how to do anything.

[871] I don't know how to, I mean, I love, I can just enjoy it.

[872] You should start a band though.

[873] Just for the fuck of it.

[874] Yeah.

[875] Just get to think three people that can't play.

[876] No, I'm too busy.

[877] But I do love music.

[878] I love it.

[879] One of the things I love about is the fact that I have no skin in the game.

[880] You know, it's like I love comedy, but I do it.

[881] You know, so when I see someone make a great bit, part of me's like, God, I wish I wrote that.

[882] Right.

[883] You know what I mean?

[884] I don't get jealous, but I go like, fuck.

[885] Yeah.

[886] Or I'll see it and go, wait, I did that 20 years ago.

[887] Well, there's always that, right?

[888] There's always parallel thinking.

[889] But the other thing that gets me is like, if I see someone really kill, I want to go home and write.

[890] It's like, I get inspired to create.

[891] Whereas music just makes me happy.

[892] Like, if I, like, I've had, like, my friends, Honey, come in here and playing.

[893] Gary Clark Jr .'s been in here.

[894] and Everlast is played in here.

[895] Like, I have a bunch of people play music in here.

[896] And there's something about watching someone do something that you have zero talent in.

[897] It's really special.

[898] Well, I think comics really do.

[899] We want to be a musician.

[900] We worship music people.

[901] Some, yeah, some.

[902] I mean, yes, not all of them, obviously.

[903] Yeah, I never had any desire to be a musician at all, zero.

[904] No. Bill Burr plays the drums like a son of a bitch.

[905] Well, I was going to say something about him.

[906] I finally did something that actually stayed on topic, I think.

[907] He came to my wedding and then he had to go do a gig and he does the gig and his wife stayed and he comes back in a different outfit like a pink jacket.

[908] He left my wedding and is such a good friend.

[909] He came back again because he was so happy for me because who the fuck else would want me than my wife.

[910] And he's just, I was there in Philly at the at the, at the, at the, in Camden at the Tweeter Center, it was called, when we were on the Opie and Anthony virus tour.

[911] So it was Tracy Morgan, myself, Louis C .K. Is that the one where Dom Ira got heckled and he went on and he literally attacked the crowd?

[912] It made Bill Burr a legend.

[913] That was when Bill, I was standing there.

[914] He roasted Philadelphia.

[915] I was standing there.

[916] I was under the fucking monitor right through the curtain that I was going to come out.

[917] I had the sweet spot.

[918] You know, Bob will do like 20.

[919] five minutes in the middle because I'm yeah I was just a bitch so then they put me there and it was a sweet spot because you take a lot of bullets coming up with a Philly audience you know in a jersey audience and Bill I'd known him but I'd seen none of them through clubs but I but he got out there and they were booing him and he's so fucking awesome his the way he's made that whole fucking Boston brilliance and he just started to pummel them back and said the worst things you can say, every inappropriate thing you could possibly say, calling, talking about their cheese steaks and the Sixers and just, you know, the thing you saw it.

[920] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've seen it.

[921] And I watched it and I'm like, this is fucking great.

[922] Fuck you and fuck the Liberty Bell.

[923] Exactly.

[924] It's 15 minutes he did it.

[925] And at the end, the booze were as loud as the cheers.

[926] I think he got a standing ovation.

[927] He didn't see it.

[928] He comes offstage like a fighter.

[929] He's all sweaty.

[930] Did you see that?

[931] It was fucking horrible.

[932] What the fuck was that?

[933] I went, Bill, that was great.

[934] Are you kidding?

[935] That was fucking amazing.

[936] No, he killed.

[937] And then he still didn't believe me. And then I said, you're going to remember this.

[938] This is going to, you don't know what just happened here.

[939] If there's a tape of this, this is going to change.

[940] You don't even know.

[941] And I bring it up to him and he's like, he doesn't want to talk about it.

[942] But it was a defining moment for his everything.

[943] Yeah, no, he's that.

[944] guy that can just take a moment and rant on things.

[945] Like he knows how to rant better than anybody I know in terms of like in the moment, pick things apart and piece them.

[946] Like that's what his podcast is.

[947] One of the brilliant things about his podcast, he does it two times a week and it's just him.

[948] Yeah.

[949] It's just him ranting, which is crazy that he's got that sort of muscle that he can just rant on things by himself, just starts reading things and getting pissed off about this.

[950] You know what?

[951] here's what the fucking problem is and then he just goes off and what's amazing is he knows what you know what i what i know uh that you're not he's not alone he's talking there yes all of it so he's ranting to people that love him and he knows they love him he's he's comfortable and he loves people yeah he's one of the sweetest he's a great guy he's a great guy but he does something that that chapel does that I find them both so brave that they know where their A point is and they know where their end game is.

[952] That's really well phrased.

[953] But it's like they dive into, they make a statement, then they dive into a pool with no water in it, you know, metaphorically.

[954] And then...

[955] They know where their exit is.

[956] They know it.

[957] And the exit comes out strong.

[958] And it's amazing.

[959] Yeah.

[960] And sometimes it's not quite as close, but then they still know how to, fluff the final.

[961] Well, they both know how to take a subject.

[962] And, I mean, it's one of the cool things about being at the store is you get to see, like, the beginnings of those bits that a guy like Chappelle or Burr or anybody will start out and then flesh it through and figure it out and then tighten it up.

[963] And then by the time they're filming a special, so it's a weapon.

[964] I got to go there more.

[965] I was starting to come there more.

[966] In fact, you were nice enough to bring me up.

[967] Yeah, it's close.

[968] I meant just come there more.

[969] Disease?

[970] A lot of people in the back of that store.

[971] I got stories.

[972] I bet you do.

[973] Disease stories?

[974] No, people are fucking there.

[975] Do you think?

[976] Kenison.

[977] I got Kenison his first spot at the store.

[978] You got him his first spot?

[979] Yeah.

[980] Like you were there the first time he went on stage?

[981] Yeah.

[982] What year is this?

[983] Fuck, long time.

[984] I didn't have a gig.

[985] 83, 84.

[986] I don't know.

[987] That's crazy because 86 he was famous.

[988] Yeah.

[989] What happened was this.

[990] So he'd already been teed up for Mitzie to watch, but I had set up the, I told her to watch him.

[991] I met him in Houston, and he was kicked out of the comedy workshop in Houston because of the shit he would say on stage because he had been running his, you know, tent show of faith healing with his brother Bill.

[992] And they would, they told me some real fucked up stories about shit they would do.

[993] It was a bit charlatan and a bit trying to help people.

[994] but also talking about Jesus quite a bit.

[995] And he was cynical about it, but also very confused, very conflicted about it, about what is it?

[996] Because he's dying on the ground, supposedly, he looked up at the sky and was talking to God.

[997] That's what Bill tells us.

[998] What I met him.

[999] It's what Carl LeBoe says.

[1000] Carl was there.

[1001] Carl was there?

[1002] Yeah, Carl was there when it happened.

[1003] That's a whole complicated.

[1004] non story right now because it's a heavy sparks my it's very fucking heavy yeah their story is very very heavy I was around yeah I was around for all of it I was there in the building for those six seven years so what happened was what I met him you would have had the same response he goes they won't let me work here I met him at the comedy workshop meet me at one in the afternoon he shows me he posted he shows me this telephone pole and he had put a picture of himself on it and he kept putting up they kept taking down he was in the Houston Chronicle on the front page of the arts entertainment and he dressed himself because they banned him from the club in a diaper and a crown of thorns and blood come into the crown of thorns down his face with his eyes rolled back in his head and said that he had been persecuted just like Jesus from playing the comedy workshop but it's pretty fucking heavy you know and he had made it quite a name for himself and had a following there and went I don't know what to do man I want to come out to LA and I went well well I'll help you out I was playing the laugh stop in Houston in River Oaks yeah I used to work that place I liked it I did a guy named Howard um um oh who was the owner then um out uh oh I'm trying to remember anyway this is our first dead air it was great yeah I'm trying to remember yeah I'm trying to remember What happened was Sam, I sat next to Mitzie and her booth.

[1005] He got on stage and he did the whole bit before he had done the young comedian show that I was on, that Rodney did, Rodney's first young comedian show.

[1006] And it was the whole thing about, you know, the kid in the, whenever they do those World Vision commercials with a starving kid.

[1007] And, you know, it's famous, the most famous, one of the most famous things that any comedian's done, which was just a truism.

[1008] which is the cameraman can give them a sandwich starving kid go get out of the desert go to where the food is that's a bit that I used in a conversation with a guy it was a weird conversation there was a guy who wrote a book on comedy he was teaching a comedy course at a university and he was sitting here talking to me and he said that the best comedy always punches up because there was a time when people really believe that nonsense like that there was a formula to comedy and that comedy should always attack the large power structures and that the small people should be, you know, elevated by common.

[1009] So he's sitting here telling me this.

[1010] I go, that's nonsense.

[1011] I go, one of the greatest bits of all time is literally about starving children.

[1012] Yeah.

[1013] There's no further down that you could punch.

[1014] No further down that you could punch.

[1015] One of his other great bits was about dead people getting fucked in the ass.

[1016] You remember that?

[1017] Yeah.

[1018] The bit about homosexual necrophiliacs who would pay money to be with the freshest male corpse.

[1019] Those are two bits where you're punching.

[1020] down as low as you can.

[1021] Someone's dad died, and this guy's fucking him.

[1022] I mean, it doesn't get any, there's no further you can punch down.

[1023] He was on stage in the main room, and he was doing a bit where he says, this is what happened to my marriage, and he would unplug the mic.

[1024] This is my dick, you know, and he did not need a mic to prove the point, but he would lay on the ground with his girth, and he would pretending he was having sex with his wife from behind, and he goes, this is what happened to my marriage.

[1025] and she as he says I'm trying to fuck her and he's like she's like we got to fix the fence and he goes shut the fuck up I'm trying to fuck this is it needs a new coat of paint but we can't you know you can't do that now really I mean you could if you were Sam he could do it again he could do it if he was alive now he could do it first of all he was uniquely he was uniquely qualified for that kind of comedy because you he was short and he was fat and he was going bald and he wore a beret and he wore the long coat and he was hanging out with all the rock and roll and porn people the coat he came on stage like he was a child molester or something you know i mean that was look at that look at that picture that's him and bill hicks oh i love bill wow that's a crazy picture bill was the sweetest most timid guy is bill have his nails done there so he's got nail polish on what's going on his tips oh it's shadows but that was Sam was a sweetie then so when you see him then I mean when you go on stage he's that was part of why it worked you know it wasn't like you know if he was John Malaney and he had that act you know handsome and slim that you know now that's pull off right you had to be you had to look like you got fucked over he looked like he got fucked over and he did and he did and he did and he was doing faith healing shows and they told me a story where he had been i wasn't going to tell it but it's fucking weird yeah so they they're they're healing people so this they're in some godforsaken place i don't know where and he goes come up here and we're gonna we're gonna heal you and like a seven foot tall guy with drawstring pants and a t -shirt he said he was like lennie from mice and men he was mentally impaired he said he was going to come up and he was going to do the whole thing with him and get out the spirit and all that and as these guys coming up he runs up to the stage and he's so tall he hits his head on a beam and he splits his head open but he doesn't fall down bill his brother will tell you this story and the guy's pants fall down and he had the biggest dick in the world and so his head is gushing blood and his dick is swinging and he's going like young Frankenstein, Peter Boyle.

[1026] And it's horrifically upsetting.

[1027] And the way it's been told to me, I don't know if these stories whispered down the lane, is that they went back to the same place after a while.

[1028] The guy came back and he had some other mishap.

[1029] I don't want to say he hit his head again, but he fell.

[1030] He was the same guy just trying to have a redo to get healed.

[1031] Oh, God.

[1032] I mean, I don't know what's more embarrassing.

[1033] Well, if your head gets split open, but the whole room can see you've got a giant cock, maybe it's a blessing and a curse.

[1034] I don't know.

[1035] There's probably a few gals that hit them up after that.

[1036] But drawstring pants means there's not a lot of cleanliness down in the junk.

[1037] Well, you can wash them up.

[1038] If you're a gal looking for a big dick, like, there it is.

[1039] Or a guy looking for a big dick.

[1040] Or maybe a guy you can trick into fucking you.

[1041] Yeah.

[1042] That would be the move.

[1043] Or some, you could play like you do with a bat and baseball.

[1044] Right.

[1045] So it gets to that.

[1046] Yeah.

[1047] See who gets the first of bat?

[1048] It's the top.

[1049] It's that, it's that.

[1050] Make that sound again.

[1051] I can't do.

[1052] I can't.

[1053] I don't know.

[1054] And I can't roll my R's either.

[1055] But then the answer to Kennisin how quick he popped was after that set, like a week later, Rodney came in to see him.

[1056] And I'd known Rodney.

[1057] Rodney liked me. I like you, man. I met him in La Jolla.

[1058] He came up to me. You're funny, man. You're a Jew.

[1059] You're never going to be happy.

[1060] You've got a fast mind.

[1061] You're all fucked up.

[1062] man you're never going to be happy and he was trying to clean up at la costa and he comes in he goes i can't do it man no booze no coke no pot no pills i can't do it and he's with two women and uh and we and i hung out with him all weekend he stayed at the he kept coming to the condo and hung out with me and kennyson he saw sam and i love this guy so i do the young comedian special on hbo i had a great set right before sam i had a 15 minutes set sam had a 15 minutes set sam had a 15 minutes set.

[1063] I was in it for three and a half minutes.

[1064] Sam was in it for 15 minutes because it was a monumental.

[1065] It was and then a year later he was in back to school.

[1066] Yeah.

[1067] So that's why it was a three year deal with him.

[1068] That's crazy.

[1069] And he was a sweetheart.

[1070] When I was 19, I worked as a security guard at Great Woods Center for the Performing Arts in Mansfield, Massachusetts.

[1071] And Rodney was there.

[1072] And he was backstage and I was like I didn't get a chance to meet him but I was backstage it was like a hallway it's hard to know if this is a real memory because when you're 19 your brain is mush and it was so long ago and I got hitting the head a lot but there I remember they were talking about how he didn't have any pants on no never he had a bathrobe yeah balls out I remember him pacing back and forth and looking down the hallway I know I definitely saw him at least once and I definitely saw him on stage with the bathrobe on but I remember looking down in the hallway, seeing this guy, I'm like, how crazy?

[1073] He doesn't have any pants on.

[1074] He's going to go on stage.

[1075] Like, this is what, and then him up there just didn't give a fuck.

[1076] I mean, didn't give, had no fucks to give.

[1077] He was a movie star.

[1078] He was in his, at 58, by the way, it was Caddyshack.

[1079] That's how long it took him.

[1080] He was in his 60s when I saw him and apparently smoked a shitload of pot backstage.

[1081] And went on stage, my wife, uh, uh, and just, just murdered.

[1082] I mean, one punchline after.

[1083] after another punchline and people don't know the story about him, quit doing comedy for years and became an aluminum siding salesman.

[1084] He was born Jacob Cohen, changed it to Jack Roy, and then a club owner called him Roddy Dangerfield.

[1085] That's how he was named by a club owner.

[1086] Wow.

[1087] What club?

[1088] I don't know.

[1089] I don't know.

[1090] But he had a rough go.

[1091] He had a rough -a -go.

[1092] He had the no respect thing was, if you're gonna pick a brand, a catchphrase, it wasn't a catchphrase.

[1093] It was his mantra.

[1094] Yeah, well, that made him, you know.

[1095] I got no respect, I'll tell you.

[1096] No respect at all.

[1097] I fucking loved him.

[1098] He would have loved you, like loved you.

[1099] Because of the, fuck, he always said, and I've said this before, so I'm sorry if anybody has heard me say this.

[1100] But he always said, the key man is you just go like a tank, like a tank, because nobody wants you to make it.

[1101] Everybody's trying to stop you.

[1102] You just go like a tank.

[1103] Fuck them all.

[1104] Just go like a tank.

[1105] because he had come up, it took him so long to get anywhere.

[1106] And he would go on Tonight Show.

[1107] And if you look at any of these clips that they're running all over the internet, it's fucking killer.

[1108] And Carson's hitting the desk.

[1109] And it's just real special.

[1110] Well, he was a special guy.

[1111] The story was special too because it showed that he was trying to make it and it fell apart.

[1112] And then he took a long, didn't he take like 10 years off?

[1113] It was aluminum siding was the year.

[1114] It was many years.

[1115] Yeah.

[1116] And then he came back and became the biggest fucking movie star in the world.

[1117] But he couldn't, it took him to 58, and they put him in Caddyshack.

[1118] And a lot of the jokes were his.

[1119] Yeah.

[1120] And then a lot of them, I mean, it was, you know, Harold Ramos and stuff.

[1121] So it was 18.

[1122] Genius movie, man. Those movies were so good.

[1123] Fucking Bill Murray in that.

[1124] Chevy was great, and everybody's great in that movie.

[1125] Remember when he's in the classroom and Kinnison's teaching him?

[1126] Oh, yeah.

[1127] Scudison played a. Kidison played a fucking off -tilt Vietnam vet who's screaming.

[1128] He just wrote him into it, too.

[1129] I was there!

[1130] That's a great movie back to school.

[1131] Oh, it's a fucking great movie, man. And Easy Money was really great.

[1132] Yeah, oh, he had some classics, man. Caddyshack, he had some classics.

[1133] He was awesome.

[1134] I officiated his funeral.

[1135] Oh, man. It was pretty intense to put him away.

[1136] I was with him in the emergency.

[1137] In the, sorry, I got a little, in the intensive care.

[1138] He was in a coma, so I'd go in and talk to him.

[1139] How old was he when he passed?

[1140] 84.

[1141] That's amazing.

[1142] He did all that Coke and he made it to 84.

[1143] He stopped doing Coke.

[1144] He just liked pot.

[1145] But he did a lot of Coke.

[1146] When did he stop?

[1147] I think about 10 years before he died.

[1148] Still amazing.

[1149] 74 years old doing Coke and I got another 10 years.

[1150] I'll tell you what.

[1151] I can't.

[1152] How do you stop?

[1153] No booze, no coke, no pot, no pills.

[1154] Yeah.

[1155] I want to go back to someone you were talking about.

[1156] It's completely off comedy topic, but we'll come back to it.

[1157] I don't know.

[1158] It's your show.

[1159] I don't do it fuck.

[1160] There's no structure here.

[1161] Trump's niece, the book.

[1162] I cut you off.

[1163] I only read one passage.

[1164] It was just about empathy.

[1165] You know, it's just about why, what's wrong with him psychologically.

[1166] You know, and whenever you see someone that seeks power like that, seeks that kind of adjulate.

[1167] that's that kind of spotlight like what what is causing that like what is that you know what makes someone want to be that person is like you're fired you don't see any love out of them any sweetness there's i think as a as a nation at this time we need we need someone who has got a real message not some bullshit canned speech that's prepared by a focus group where they fit figured out all the right beats to hit and...

[1168] But they're not even doing the right beats.

[1169] I mean, the Mount Rushmore speech could have had five, six minutes in it that could have added some people to it.

[1170] Well, he's not that guy.

[1171] Obama was that guy.

[1172] Obama, if Obama was stuck in this situation, I really, truly believe he could have given a speech that made us all feel like we're going to be okay.

[1173] 100%.

[1174] 100%.

[1175] He was an incredibly good cheerleader.

[1176] He was.

[1177] Empowering.

[1178] He was also like, you knew.

[1179] his story.

[1180] His story is the opposite of Trump's story.

[1181] Trump's stories, he comes from a rich father, you know, the father gives him money, he starts his businesses, he's known for being kind of shady, you know, Obama's the opposite.

[1182] It comes from a single mom, grows up in Hawaii, you know, it's just different.

[1183] Like, you know that he, he's gone through some shit to get there and had compassion.

[1184] Yeah.

[1185] We need that.

[1186] We need someone who sees that we're hurting.

[1187] You know, this nation is fucking hurting, man. You see what we're talking about earlier with the cops and all these murders that are happening in New York City and Chicago's got record murders.

[1188] Oh, it's horrific.

[1189] It's crazy.

[1190] Yesterday was horrific.

[1191] Every day is.

[1192] And there's no real hope in sight in terms of the economy because everything's getting more locked down.

[1193] Like today, what was the, what got passed down today?

[1194] in California, they went back to almost stage one.

[1195] They shut down all the gyms.

[1196] What do they shut down?

[1197] Yeah, my yoga teacher's been trying to get me to go to yoga.

[1198] I'm like, isn't that like a hot room?

[1199] I do it.

[1200] You can do it online.

[1201] I do it at home, bro.

[1202] California closed to indoor restaurants, movie theaters and bars statewide as coronavirus cases rise.

[1203] So did say gyms as well?

[1204] Hair salons, barbershops, fitness centers, worship services.

[1205] oh my god worship services so that's churches and synagogues yep everything well it's got it worked when they suppress it it works in countries in places well here's the thing though they keep saying but it's okay to protest you can't but then they're saying that i then you hear and i don't know where i hear it it might be left uh information uh that a lot of protesters were protected didn't get sick is what i'm hearing i can't believe that does that make any sense.

[1206] It doesn't make any sense.

[1207] They don't want to say that these incredibly significant historical protests have created an uptick in the virus that will likely lead to deaths.

[1208] They don't want to say that, but both those things are true.

[1209] Those protests are very important.

[1210] They're important and they're moving the needle.

[1211] Yeah.

[1212] And the life is going to change so that is a positive for people that have been neglected for so long, but it's all at once.

[1213] It's like some fucking supreme weird litmus on the whole, every, whole universe.

[1214] It's like, it's a sci -fi.

[1215] I don't think it's over.

[1216] I think we're going to get hit with a couple more wacky moments.

[1217] Yeah, well, the meteor, that's not far.

[1218] Or a solar flare that takes out the power grid.

[1219] We just don't want to lose our Wi -Fi.

[1220] That's all that we care.

[1221] All the Wi -Fi is first to go.

[1222] I thought this was germ warfare is what I thought this was.

[1223] I didn't think this was, and wet markets are open again, is what I'm here.

[1224] Well, it's not from the wet market.

[1225] That's what I want to know.

[1226] Talk to me. All indications seem to point to the fact that this was a virus that had been manipulated.

[1227] I had Brett Weinstein on my podcast.

[1228] He's a biologist, and he, in terms that I will not be able to recreate, explained all the different factors that when they examined the virus would not be very likely to have happened in nature and certainly not as quickly as they.

[1229] had, that all these different aspects of the virus point to the fact that it had been something that had been manipulated, the fact that there was a level four lab in Wuhan.

[1230] This is not, you know, people love to use the term conspiracy theory, but this level four lab where they studied coronaviruses that come from bats is there.

[1231] It's in Wuhan.

[1232] Why are they studying?

[1233] And that same lab had been two years ago, had been in trouble for violating safety protocols.

[1234] Oh.

[1235] Look, China's, it's not America.

[1236] It's not the same.

[1237] And they do things differently over there.

[1238] They're completely intertwined with their government.

[1239] They can get away with things that we can't get away with here.

[1240] And they, you know, they don't have as strict protocol when it comes to handling diseases.

[1241] Well, you know, the word on the street is often that it's wealthy people wanting to have their endangered species fix.

[1242] That's what you hear.

[1243] What do you mean?

[1244] That the wet market bat is like a delicacy.

[1245] And that's how it got spread.

[1246] I've not heard that.

[1247] I don't know if that's true.

[1248] I don't know where I heard it.

[1249] I would imagine it would be more like people are starving and they need to eat whatever they can eat and they eat bats.

[1250] See, I always pictured it laid out like lobsters at the farmer's market.

[1251] That's what I was picturing.

[1252] That would probably be safer.

[1253] It's not what happened.

[1254] I don't believe that's what happened.

[1255] And Brett Weinstein's very careful in not saying that this is definitely what happened, but he put points to all the factors that lead to this very likely conclusion that this is something that accidentally got out of a lap.

[1256] It's the reason why it's so contagious that it spreads so easily that it takes on so many different forms and has so many different reactions and so many different people.

[1257] It's almost like we're dealing with a bunch of different diseases.

[1258] Anytime you mate humanity with an animal, there's a serious problem.

[1259] I'm not talking sexually.

[1260] Although I've seen a couple of goats in my life that kind of had a twinkle.

[1261] You had a smile while you're doing that because you knew you shouldn't have did it, And you did it anyway.

[1262] I couldn't help it.

[1263] I mean, I'm just saying.

[1264] You know, it didn't work out well.

[1265] Oh, no, but you're enjoying that.

[1266] But the other thing is, I want to, for the kids out there listening, don't fuck animals.

[1267] No, don't fuck animals.

[1268] Is that okay to put that out there?

[1269] But what if the animal really wants you to fuck it.

[1270] That's what I was saying.

[1271] A goat with a gleam in his eye.

[1272] This is where I doubled down on not working.

[1273] Yeah.

[1274] What about a small animal?

[1275] No, that's mean.

[1276] Fuck something that can kill you.

[1277] If you're going to have the balls, fuck an elephant, a bear.

[1278] Yeah, fuck a large predator.

[1279] Yeah, don't fuck something that you're the bully, hold out rabbit down and fuck him.

[1280] So it's the revenant.

[1281] I mean, what he did was get inside a bear, literally.

[1282] Not, sort of.

[1283] Yeah, eventually.

[1284] Right.

[1285] Took a while.

[1286] Right.

[1287] Yeah.

[1288] I think this is going to be.

[1289] This is how I try.

[1290] This is how I deal with how horrible this is.

[1291] I go to a place that's fucking asinine.

[1292] And that's what my dad would do.

[1293] Just stupid, just stupid, because I know that China is completely fucked up with this, and they're apparently out of control, and they don't know how to stop what's happening is what I'm hearing also.

[1294] Well, it's doing better than we're doing.

[1295] China's, they've got it way more under control than we do.

[1296] How do we know that, though?

[1297] I don't know.

[1298] We don't, you know, they lie about everything.

[1299] The other thing about what's weird is, like, why did it go so badly here?

[1300] Like, if you look at the U .K., the U .K. is basically our restaurants are open again.

[1301] New Zealand has zero viruses now.

[1302] They're back to normal.

[1303] I mean, they're not letting anybody in, but they're literally back to a no virus situation.

[1304] It's like the resistance of the United States is down because so many, not the resistance, but our immune system is down because there's so much hatred.

[1305] There's so much fucking weird shit.

[1306] I wonder what would have happened.

[1307] I mean, it's really crazy that, you know, that expression, the wings of a butterfly could become a hurricane.

[1308] Yeah.

[1309] But what would have happened if that George Floyd thing didn't happen?

[1310] If that day did not go down that way, if it was just a normal day, if maybe George Floyd just hopped in the patrol car, you know, or maybe didn't give them that counterfeit $20 bill, never got arrested, what the fuck would we be looking at?

[1311] It's kind of amazing when you really...

[1312] No, it's a change of history.

[1313] in one moment.

[1314] In an instant and in an incident between two people, between one cop and one man, and then the world sees it because one girl, 17 -year -old girl filmed it.

[1315] She puts it up, the whole world sees the horror of that guy leaning on that man's neck with his knee.

[1316] And other people standing by.

[1317] And then the world explodes or our country explodes.

[1318] But imagine where would we be?

[1319] It'd be really interesting to see two different timelines.

[1320] You know, is he a timeline where that never happens?

[1321] I think it was bound to happen anyway.

[1322] We've been, I mean...

[1323] But that was so egregious.

[1324] It was so, it was so heinous.

[1325] Oh, that's the point.

[1326] That led to this explosion.

[1327] Whereas if there was nothing like that, I mean, because the guy who got shot by those vigilantes was just a couple of weeks before that.

[1328] Remember in Georgia?

[1329] I do.

[1330] If this George Floyd thing, that was like teeing the ball up, you know, and then this George Floyd thing happens and boom, the powder keg blows.

[1331] I think the enough is enough moment happened and everybody's hold up in quarantine and everybody can't pay their rent and nobody can do anything but watch all this bullshit of all this racism and all of our bureaucrats spewing a bunch of lies and garbage at everybody.

[1332] My favorite part of it was the black and white video The actors made to try to fix it Oh my God I want no longer stand by What are you talking about?

[1333] Imagine?

[1334] The Imagine video also?

[1335] No, that was the beginning of the coronavirus This was after that These actors hadn't worked in months And then desperately needed attention So they all got together made that stupid fucking video Do you see what Jim Norton said about the Imagine video?

[1336] No, what did he say?

[1337] He said, when I saw that video I got all choked up because I tried to hang myself.

[1338] It was so embarrassing.

[1339] Well, you know, there's something great about people that have a heart for it that are well known, whether it be acting or sports or whatever music, that people are, that look up to those people.

[1340] But it's saturated when it's just people doing it because they're getting publicity.

[1341] That's all they're doing it.

[1342] That's why they're doing it.

[1343] They're doing it because this might be an opportunity to let other people know that they're awesome.

[1344] That's what they're doing.

[1345] And that's their fake way of pretending they have a heart.

[1346] It just doesn't, look, do you know, I mean...

[1347] There has to be some heart in there somewhere.

[1348] Of course.

[1349] Of course.

[1350] It's not like they're evil, but that's narcissism.

[1351] There's a certain amount of narcissism there that's foul.

[1352] It smells bad.

[1353] It's like when, you know, you open up some leftovers, you're like, oh, I can't eat this.

[1354] that's what it is.

[1355] It's got a smell to it.

[1356] That's 100 % right.

[1357] Yeah, it's the smell of narcissism, the smell of ego, the smell of the preposterous idea that you're going to sing your way out of people dying.

[1358] And that's what we're living right now.

[1359] That's what we're listening to right now.

[1360] When I see Jared Kushner and I'm sure he's a delightful guy.

[1361] I bet he's not.

[1362] No, I was being totally facetious.

[1363] I hope.

[1364] Oh, great.

[1365] I think he's awesome.

[1366] Oh, I love him.

[1367] Pinky swear.

[1368] BFF.

[1369] But what.

[1370] What it is about him, he really looks like central casting to play the Nazi in a movie.

[1371] He so looks like he's going to have that collar on and be so good.

[1372] Yeah, exactly.

[1373] Yeah.

[1374] But apparently he's running the whole show.

[1375] I don't know.

[1376] That's crazy.

[1377] I don't believe.

[1378] I don't know what the fuck.

[1379] I don't know what to believe anywhere.

[1380] I just want some, where are we going to get truth?

[1381] Where are we ever going to get it?

[1382] Weren't they mad that he was the one saying that the coronavirus was going to be nothing to not.

[1383] Yes, he was one of the many, like the bullfrogs in there, and Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham.

[1384] They all look like something out of Dr. Doolittle.

[1385] You imagine you're the president.

[1386] And you're like, what's going to happen here?

[1387] Hey, let me go ask that guy who's married to my daughter.

[1388] He seems pretty smart.

[1389] He's married to my daughter.

[1390] My daughter, my daughter, girlfriend, wife, want to be.

[1391] Imagine that, too.

[1392] Imagine that he hires his family.

[1393] Well, that's a, that's a monarch.

[1394] I mean, that's a dictatorship.

[1395] in a monarch.

[1396] But it's just, there's the only people probably feel that he can trust.

[1397] But that's because he wants love.

[1398] And I think they do love him.

[1399] They must love him.

[1400] And I've known people that know him, I'm sure you do too, that have said, I worked with him.

[1401] He was horrible.

[1402] And I've also talked to people that are hung out with him.

[1403] He was great.

[1404] Yeah.

[1405] I've talked to people that know him that really like him.

[1406] Yeah.

[1407] I've heard that too.

[1408] And then it's a performance.

[1409] That moment it happens, it's a performance.

[1410] Well, Ross told me that.

[1411] Ross told me that he had a good time with him they were roasting him and he and he ross told me that he was telling him like listen when they're making fun of you you got to laugh like if you laugh i think ross just likes that he liked him ah i think you're right i think you're probably right right buddy maybe you're right buddy yeah maybe that's a good point it's a real good point it's just it's just a sad time and we got it we have to punch through it that's why i love the problem also is the nature of this business is that the way politicians are taken apart, their past is taken apart, things are taken out of context, they make these attack pieces, they look into their finances, they look into their past relationships, they try to find every fucking little piece of something that might indicate there's a character flaw.

[1412] Nobody wants to go through that.

[1413] So no person who's really like a person that you'd want to be president wants to be president.

[1414] There's like a few of them.

[1415] Bernie Sanders, Tulsi Gabbard, there's a few that I, I, I, like, a few that I, I, like, a person looked at and I said I could see like Tulsi Gabbard she's young I could see her run in this country I really could and I think she would do an amazing job at it I think she's a genuinely good person right and a real leader and I think you know Bernie has some interesting ideas and I would I would love to see what would happen if we went like with some of those ideas particularly like fixing inner cities man doing something to fix these crime ridden drug addled gang infested communities that have been stuck like that for decades decades and decades and no one's done anything.

[1416] Drug infested, parentless infesteds.

[1417] I mean, that's one thing that I, that will hopefully goodness will come from is that they will send people to help with mental illness and drug rehabilitation and guidance.

[1418] And if that can happen, how does that happen?

[1419] How do you send people into the depths of Chicago where a lot of the pandemic of that kind of lack of love and pain?

[1420] It has to be done locally, and it has to be done in each individual place by someone who understands a community.

[1421] It has to be done locally in each individual city.

[1422] Each individual city has unique problems.

[1423] I don't think you could use Baltimore's solution on Detroit.

[1424] I think you have to have your own solution for each individual place based on people that actually understand how it got, how it got to where it is, and what could be done.

[1425] And mayors and their regime need to be heroes.

[1426] They need to be people.

[1427] And the other thing is you were saying, you know, you looked into every single scrap of your life comes up.

[1428] You did something wrong.

[1429] You dated someone wrong.

[1430] You dated someone.

[1431] You did something.

[1432] You did drugs sometime.

[1433] I think that should be right there when you come out of the gate.

[1434] When you're up for, you give, just give the schematic on the person.

[1435] I want to run for president.

[1436] Here's all the shit I did.

[1437] Here's my fucking tax evasion.

[1438] I didn't know she was 19.

[1439] Um, you know, I didn't know that her mom was my girlfriend, you know, shit like that.

[1440] Yeah.

[1441] I never put my finger in that dog.

[1442] That picture is, uh, photoshopped.

[1443] Yeah, you couldn't help yourself.

[1444] I don't know.

[1445] I mean, that's how diseases start.

[1446] That's not how they start.

[1447] But you put your finger in a dog's butt.

[1448] No, you just get sick.

[1449] You don't get a disease.

[1450] Maybe you don't get sick.

[1451] I think half the people out there could give a fuck.

[1452] Hmm.

[1453] You know, people out in the mountains looking at their sister.

[1454] You know, in that way, I had a, this is the kind of person I was when I was 21.

[1455] So Jay Leno's at the store, my first night to stand -up, Letterman brings me up.

[1456] That's how my old man's stories.

[1457] Wow.

[1458] So this is my first night, Mitchie said, you got to quit.

[1459] I was gone to USC.

[1460] What year are we talking to here?

[1461] 78.

[1462] Wow.

[1463] Mitchie said, I was going to go to USC film school.

[1464] I got into their grad program because I'd won a student Oscar for a documentary I made about my nephew having his face reconstructed.

[1465] I was going to go serious filmmaking.

[1466] And that's what I wanted.

[1467] And I was also a stand -up since I was 17.

[1468] So Mitzie said, now don't go there, work here.

[1469] You work here.

[1470] You're good.

[1471] I'll put you in.

[1472] You work here.

[1473] And you won't get paid, but work here.

[1474] I went, okay.

[1475] Because that night when I moved to L .A. And I quit grad school, like the day I quit USC grad school, I went there for three days.

[1476] I went up at the store, Letterman, brought me up.

[1477] The lineup was Leno, Michael Keaton, Billy Crystal, Jeff Altman, Argus, prior went up later in the evening.

[1478] It's on one fucking night.

[1479] That's insane.

[1480] And you're part of the reason that place came back.

[1481] You and a bunch of the people that came in, you brought it back.

[1482] I mean, it was not long ago.

[1483] That place was gone.

[1484] Yeah, it wasn't looking good.

[1485] No. It wasn't looking good.

[1486] No, you did that.

[1487] That's the empowerment.

[1488] That takes a strong thing to go wait.

[1489] This place is history.

[1490] And I like these rooms.

[1491] I need to do comedy.

[1492] What was, I want to know, what was your decision -making process?

[1493] And how did you find, because you were already on your way to wherever you wanted to make your playground.

[1494] Well, I was gone for seven years.

[1495] You know, I was gone from 2007 to 2014, and that was that Carlos Mincea incident that I had at the store.

[1496] I got banned, and not even by Mitzie.

[1497] I got banned by the former management.

[1498] And there's just some weird shit going on behind the scenes, and they had negotiated something with Mencea.

[1499] Where were you working out before then?

[1500] I was at the store.

[1501] Oh, there's a store from 94 to 2007.

[1502] I moved to L .A. in 94, and the first thing I did is go to the store.

[1503] that was mecca when i was in boston and i was an open micer i had heard about the store i was in 1988 i started and that was when sam kinnison was huge and you know i start i literally started comedy that's right when i left so i missed you i missed you 94 right well i always wanted to ask you what it was like because when you did full house you basically had to stop doing stand -up because you were on this squeaky clean you still did it yeah and i started to morph and i started to morph and i started to uh get really fucked up on stage um and i was it was fucked up how uh fucked up on uh i would go okay that's what i'm doing during the day and here's i know when you did news radio they wanted you not to do stand up as much is that kind of no not really no the the only thing that ever happened on news radio is one of the producers said why are you still doing a comedy you're an actor now like it was if it was a great thing and i was horrified i was like what yeah oh like what I'm gonna stop doing stand up for this you that's because they don't understand they think a lot of people used used and used stand up to get a show to get a writing gig to get something and I'm like I can't stop being one I am one yeah it's part of my hard drive well it was the most fun too like they were asking me to do this thing that I was basically like I never taken any acting classes I had I just gotten a development deal from MTV half hour comedy hour right and they said do you want to be on a sitcom i'm like okay and so they made me like get an acting coach i took a few classes but it was really annoying and then next thing you know i'm out here in l .a on a sitcom and so when they said like why are you doing stand -up you're in action now was like what the fuck are you talking about right you don't you've never killed i'm like you're saying this because you never killed they also didn't believe in hyphenates at that point you can't do three things you can't do four things i'm sorry you can only do one thing that was also when i started working for the ufc and when i started working for the ufc and when i started working for for the UFC, they were acting like I was doing porn.

[1504] They're like, what are you doing?

[1505] And I was like, yeah, I'm going to Alabama to do post -fight interviews for a cage -fighting event.

[1506] And they're like, what the fuck is wrong with you.

[1507] That's because you're in a fucking original.

[1508] They don't know what that is.

[1509] Well, it was just no one had done it before.

[1510] Right.

[1511] There was no comedian slash cage fighting commentators.

[1512] Find me another one ever.

[1513] But it was just one of those things where, like, I was like, I don't care.

[1514] I'm going to do this because I want to do this.

[1515] And they were like, you really shouldn't do this.

[1516] Like, this is probably bad for your career.

[1517] I'm like, whatever.

[1518] I don't even know what that means.

[1519] I'm just going to do what I like to do.

[1520] Tell me, again, where you had left off about the Mencia thing with the Carlin.

[1521] So he had made some sort of sneaky backdoor deal with the store to have them ban me, and he would put his name on the marquee, which he never would do before.

[1522] Like, he would do spots there would just show up and bump people.

[1523] That was his thing.

[1524] You liked to just show up.

[1525] And he didn't let them put his name on the marquee and sell tickets with his name because he would do big venues around town.

[1526] This was around, you know, the mind of Mencia days.

[1527] He was a big star.

[1528] You know, he was selling out large theaters.

[1529] He was doing really well.

[1530] And I wasn't doing as well with stand -up.

[1531] I was on Fear Factor, and I was doing pretty good with comedy, but I was mostly doing clubs.

[1532] He was more advanced career -wise, if I'm being honest.

[1533] And so when they said that to me that I was banned, and I knew it was wrong.

[1534] I'm like, I know, I go, you guys are, you're, you sell art. You sell art. This is what you sell.

[1535] Like, you have an art store.

[1536] It's just a, it's a spoken art. And you are, you're basically taking the side of someone who's stealing, a vampire.

[1537] You give a vampire of all the other performers, not just a vampire, but someone who, if you were going on on stage, he would go on before you and do your closing bit and then bring you up.

[1538] There was a lot of dark shit going on.

[1539] People were scared.

[1540] They had the lights they would flick in the back of the room when he was there to let you know if you were on stage Guys would just stop doing their act I wasn't there for any of that was not good it was not good It was it was accentuated by his celebrity when he became famous it got way worse But it always existed he was always a thief and so I I said okay I'm not coming back I'm let you know like you think this is gonna be like a two -week deal or something like this you can go fuck yourself I'm not coming back So just make make this decision understand this is not this is not a temporary thing where you're gonna ban me for a little while and I'm going back and forth with the manager well it's I go don't don't tell me Mitzie said because I was on the phone with Mitsy an hour ago before this and I told Mitzie what was going on I told Mitzie that we are gonna make this video about him stealing material because it was a horrible situation there and I told her I'm like I go you know this is just what it is she was all right just keep away from him she goes when you want to go up and I go when do you want to put me up she goes I How about 10 .30?

[1541] I go, perfect.

[1542] I love you.

[1543] She goes, I love you too.

[1544] It's the last time I talked to her.

[1545] Last time I talked to her.

[1546] And then they call me an hour later and say, I'm banned.

[1547] And I'm like, what are you talking about?

[1548] I just got off the phone with Mitzi.

[1549] I go, who's running the fucking store?

[1550] You're running the store?

[1551] You're running the store.

[1552] I work for you?

[1553] Get the fuck out of here.

[1554] And so I got furious.

[1555] And I just started working the improv, and I did the ice house.

[1556] And I just said, okay, this is what I do now.

[1557] I don't work at the store anymore.

[1558] And the store, I don't know, put the store's phone number on my, my blog and told everybody the whole story, and I'm like, feel free to call them and let them know how you feel.

[1559] And it was a ghost town there for years.

[1560] It became a wrecked.

[1561] Yeah, it did.

[1562] I crashed that place.

[1563] Years.

[1564] Years.

[1565] So what brought you back?

[1566] Ari Shafir was doing his comedy special.

[1567] He was filming.

[1568] And Adam Eaget, you know, Adam I'd known Adam.

[1569] I like Adam.

[1570] I love Adam.

[1571] And he was, he'd been on the podcast before, too.

[1572] I'd seen him.

[1573] Adam was at the temple.

[1574] be improv years before that and I became friends with him when I worked there and then he came over and started being the talent coordinator at the store and he came to visit me at the improv he said we'd love to have you at the store he's like Tommy doesn't work there anymore he's gone it was the manager that I had the issue with right and mincy had long been just he had long been outcast from the comedy community like that video and the subsequent all these other comedians coming out and telling stories about him everything fell apart and this is what I told them was going to happen I was like, this is not going to go away.

[1575] This is real.

[1576] This is not like, people make mistakes.

[1577] They accidentally do someone's bit because they forget it with someone's bit.

[1578] Or you come up with the same thing.

[1579] People, yeah, there's a lot.

[1580] But there's good people and then there's people that are victimizing people.

[1581] And he was one of those that was victimizing people and the worst I've ever seen.

[1582] And so this had happened and I knew when Adam came to visit me at the improv, I knew.

[1583] well I knew Adam was a good guy and I'd thought about it but I was like I can't I'm not I can't I can't go back there and then Ari was doing his special and Arri was filming his special in the OR and Ari was one of my best friends and I had been friends with Ari from the time that he was a doorman and I was like he had gone through this journey of being a doorman to I started taking him on the road with me so I'd take him on the road and we would do all these gigs together and now here he is he's got his own television show and he's doing a fucking comedy central special and he's filming it at the store i'm like i got to be there so i came there on tuesday night he was filming on wednesday i came out on tuesday night and i was there for roast battle and jeff ross introduced me to the crowd and i got to see roast battle and it was wild roast battle was wild it was so beautiful it was like it was creative and it was fun and it was packed i was there one night being a judge Jeff brought me and said, Bob, you've got to come down.

[1584] You don't know.

[1585] You're so cool.

[1586] Yeah, it's wonderful.

[1587] If it comes back, it still is so cool.

[1588] It'll come back.

[1589] And then the next night I came back and I saw Ari.

[1590] I watched Ari film a special.

[1591] And then I said, okay, I'm going to start doing shows.

[1592] And so I think, you know, like a couple days later, I did my first show back there.

[1593] And that was it.

[1594] Then you were there.

[1595] And you were playing almost every night of the week, right?

[1596] Oh, there a lot.

[1597] until the lockdown I was there many days a week I'm gonna come back and do it right and sign up put my name on the thing I do drop -ins but they're five minutes I don't you don't want to drop in I don't I want to do sets and when I was doing the drop -in it was just it would be just to I wasn't sure you know I wasn't sure that I wanted to go up and be part of a lineup is it competitive do people take your stuff do people no there's none of that there now there's none of that zero that was my you know I have PTSD from eight years.

[1598] And I had a love affair with Mitzi.

[1599] I was like a nephew to her.

[1600] So I was kind of like family.

[1601] Even at her funeral, I was like family, even though I hadn't been around.

[1602] But there was one time in Vegas where I had a weird experience and I was trying to keep somebody sober.

[1603] And I had to stay up all night to keep them sober so that she didn't find out.

[1604] And as a result, I hadn't slept and I had a week set in Vegas at the dunes.

[1605] and then after the set she came backstage and said, you've lost it, you're not funny anymore.

[1606] Oh, no. And that was like, you don't say that to a sensitive Jew comic neurotic motherfucker.

[1607] She didn't give a fuck, though, dude.

[1608] She had zero filter.

[1609] No, and you know what happened?

[1610] It hurt me, and it's just like you teach in martial arts to the kids.

[1611] It's like, well, I better get fucking funny.

[1612] Yeah.

[1613] I better get funny again.

[1614] And I just kept No, there ain't no excuses And I just worked harder and harder And now, I mean, I want to do I might do some drive -ins I don't know what I'm going to do But I'm enjoying the podcast thing Because I get to, and I call people and talk to them And that's an interplay with people You get to fuck around a little And I have some guests that you've had That I love people that are friends But the point is I'm born This I'm born to do this You're born to do this.

[1615] And she taught me something and she loved me and I loved her.

[1616] But she got really sick.

[1617] So I, you know, it was really tragic.

[1618] Some people hated her and some people loved her all the way to the end.

[1619] I loved her.

[1620] I know.

[1621] She helped me. Yeah, she helped me, help me too men.

[1622] If it wasn't for her, when I became a paid regular, that was like the most important day in my life at that moment.

[1623] like I was like holy shit I'm a real comedian I'm a paid regular at the comedy store I didn't know what that meant I showed up one night and then they put on the website Bob Sagat paid regular and I wrote to the email or I don't know I texted somebody whoever did the thing I went you don't have to call me a paid regular I mean you know you can't say I showed up can't he goes no no you don't understand it's an honor I'm like but I don't take the pay I never take the pay I'm paid regular I don't but I didn't realize it is a right of passage like a a badge of honor it is it was something special it was something important when that happened I was like oh my god because like I said when I started out in 88 the comedy store was mecca that was the place like I wanted to be there that was where Richard Pryor performed that was where Kinnison performed those were Hicks performed I wanted to go there and when I was there I was actually there it was a dark time man I was there in 94 it was a shit hole oh it was fucking I went in when it was over I went in it was empty I mean, you know, 20 people, it was socially distanced.

[1624] Well, it was a bad, it's perfect for now.

[1625] A bad run for about six years where it wasn't very good from 94 to around 2000.

[1626] And somewhere around 2000 started picking up again.

[1627] Pauli really stepped in and Peter, Peter did a lot, right?

[1628] Well, it was just better talent started coming around.

[1629] Right.

[1630] That's all it was.

[1631] It's like there was a lot of guys who would, I think there was a wake.

[1632] This is my own personal theory and I'm only basing it on the timeline of Kinnison's death.

[1633] Kinison left the comedy store somewhere around like 90 and then he died somewhere around like 92, somewhere around there, 93.

[1634] And then the, you know, so many guys had gone off and done sitcoms and like Jim Carrey had gone off and done movies and in living color and there wasn't there wasn't that many people there.

[1635] And then there was also a lot of really bad talent.

[1636] There was a lot of guys that's a boat acts.

[1637] That is a fact.

[1638] There were people that could have been accountants and instead chose comedy as a career.

[1639] And they learned how to walk the stage.

[1640] Yes.

[1641] And they learned how to hold a mic and they learned how to talk to the audience.

[1642] Right.

[1643] They were like a plumber.

[1644] They learned a trade.

[1645] And they weren't even good at it.

[1646] They're the plumber you don't want.

[1647] The plumber that's going to blow your toilet up.

[1648] Yeah.

[1649] The plumber puts the wrong gasket and it runs.

[1650] So I saw a lot of those guys.

[1651] And I was really disappointing.

[1652] Like I was like one of my first nights there, I remember there was like 15, 20 people in the audience.

[1653] The acts were terrible.

[1654] I was like, this is so weird.

[1655] This is the comedy store.

[1656] That's why I stayed away, because it made me sad.

[1657] But then every now and then, like Martin Lawrence would show up.

[1658] Every now and then, Damon Wains would show up.

[1659] Every now and then, Domarer would show up.

[1660] Every now and then, someone would show up and crushed.

[1661] I showed up.

[1662] I wasn't there when you were there.

[1663] That sucks.

[1664] I didn't see you there for many, many years, many years.

[1665] But that's why I was asking about, like, the full house days.

[1666] Was it hard?

[1667] Oh, that's interesting because it'll bring.

[1668] Because you were, you had a dirty act.

[1669] It wasn't as blue until after, and Full House and the video show were simultaneous and they were family, you know, 7 o 'clock at night on a Sunday.

[1670] I'm hosting videos.

[1671] I can't say, here's another fucking video.

[1672] You know, you can't do that.

[1673] And I didn't say fuck that much.

[1674] In fact, a few years ago, Dice called me. He goes, Sag it, I got to tell you some.

[1675] We got to see each other.

[1676] But also, you know what, man, you stole my shit after you, after Full House ended.

[1677] You stole my.

[1678] I said, what did I steal?

[1679] Well, you didn't used to say fuck as much.

[1680] So I stole fuck Was he joking?

[1681] Kind of but not really But then he wanted the tour with me So it was kind of like Dice is always half -pranking you I love him He's always half fucking with you I started going on the road because of Dice I was just doing the store And this is when I was on news radio And one day he We're in the back and he goes Hey you should go on the road And I'm like yeah And he goes yeah you're funny He goes you don't want to be fucking Beholding these cock suckers He goes these motherfuckers and the movies and their shows.

[1682] He goes, you go on the road and you make good living.

[1683] When I was thinking about it, I was like, why don't I go on the road?

[1684] So I just started booking gigs.

[1685] I literally just listened to him.

[1686] First of all, you know, I'm 27 years old.

[1687] I can't believe Dice is talking to me. And I'm like, I'm talking to Dice.

[1688] And then he tells me to go on the road.

[1689] I was like, he's right.

[1690] Why don't I go on the road?

[1691] So I started doing gigs here and there.

[1692] You know?

[1693] And then when I really started going on the road, like, really was when I left the store.

[1694] That 2007 time when I left the store That's when I started touring That's when I really started touring Because I was kind of angry too I was like you know I put all that time into that place And I thought what we were doing Like that meant Cia thing I thought that was doing the right thing I thought that was a real problem And so when that was the reaction I was like okay I'm going to show you motherfuckers I had this attitude like I'm going to show you And then I did my best work after that There's nothing wrong with that yeah That was my best work was after that because I was, you know, my best, my first real big special was 2009, which is two years after that.

[1695] And then, you know, and I don't have any hate for that dude.

[1696] And I hope he gets better.

[1697] Like, I hope he's doing great.

[1698] I really do.

[1699] I think he has learned his lesson from - I hope he has.

[1700] I hope people forgive him, too.

[1701] I don't, I think that's a problem.

[1702] You know, I think.

[1703] Many people have had it, you know.

[1704] some very famous people have had it no i don't mean that yeah many people have had that like robin right you know a lot of people had that and his and his loss is so and his talent is so gigantic that he was just a vacuum cleaner of of stuff he didn't yeah yeah and i loved him beyond yeah he was he's he was so yeah he's he's he's from every hundred years of robin williams comes here this is what it's i mean it you you you you brought up what was going on doing those family shows and then doing stand -up.

[1705] Richard Jenny comes into play here.

[1706] This is kind of an interesting thing that you brought him up because he hits me in the solar plexus.

[1707] I did a special while the two shows were in the top ten, Full House and America's funniest home videos.

[1708] Those are long names to say.

[1709] They sound like I'm saying porn when I say the names of the shows.

[1710] That's like dirty to me. Full House.

[1711] Oh, that's so filthy, Bob.

[1712] But I love doing family entertainment.

[1713] That's my.

[1714] many different sides.

[1715] I love doing stuff the whole family can watch together.

[1716] I don't look at that and go, oh, fuck that.

[1717] That's bullshit, you know, that's, that's not the cynical guy that can come out and be blue for the sake of blue.

[1718] I, I wasn't blue for the sake of blue.

[1719] I just did what I did, you know, just like you did what you did, your UFC stuff.

[1720] It's like I, I wasn't doing anything athletic, but to, I did an HBO special.

[1721] And it did well, but it, it did well, but it, in the ratings or whatever, but it was not good.

[1722] And I made it so you can't see it.

[1723] And Richard Jenny loved it.

[1724] And he would say to me, I loved that special.

[1725] And I was saying fuck in it, but it was like an hour long, and it took a half an hour.

[1726] It was about me being in a dream, trying, missing my gig.

[1727] So I was trying to make a film because I wanted to be a filmmaker.

[1728] And then the next half hour was basically a half hour of stand up.

[1729] And I just didn't do any of it right, you know?

[1730] and but there were a couple really funny moments in a couple good bits um and richard told me he thought it was one of the funniest specials and most invented that he'd ever seen and i was always thrown by that and and and i started to get more like well what do i want to do and stand up and i was like i i just want to make people laugh i just want to and then when the shows ended i started directing some stuff and then I did a special called That Ain't Right and that was the HBO special that upset a lot of people and also put me in Rolling Stone and Newsweek and all these things.

[1731] That was because it was dirty.

[1732] It upset people.

[1733] I said fuck a lot because I was at I was at I was at subject matter as well no?

[1734] Yeah a little bit I used fuck as a verb a few times.

[1735] I don't I don't you know you know if it's expressive right but it was your huge I mean it's what I found funny because that's what you had always been doing, but they didn't expect that out of you because they wanted full house, and America's Funniest Videos.

[1736] But who would go to see that?

[1737] What am I going to do?

[1738] Hug people and clean, you know?

[1739] Well, they wanted that sort of Howie Mandel thing.

[1740] But Howie's blue?

[1741] He is blue sometimes, but not anymore.

[1742] No, he's still, but he does stand up.

[1743] I saw him at the laugh factor.

[1744] He's actually talking about the dangers of doing a bit that could get him fired from the show.

[1745] Oh.

[1746] He actually talked about that on stage, that if he says anything wrong, I mean, he's on the squeakiest of squeaky family entertainment.

[1747] You know, he went from deal or no deal to this other thing that he's doing now.

[1748] What is he?

[1749] America's got talent or?

[1750] Yeah.

[1751] I mean, he's...

[1752] I've been talking to him a lot.

[1753] He's a great guy.

[1754] He's a great guy and he's had a lot of mental health issues that he talked about in a book.

[1755] And his OCD is just the outskirts of it.

[1756] How bad is it now with the fucking coronavirus?

[1757] He's holding on.

[1758] A germophobe to have the whole world.

[1759] Rightly so, by the way.

[1760] Somebody wrote that down the whole world is how he mandated.

[1761] now.

[1762] Yeah, I say something like he's a prophet.

[1763] I forget who it was.

[1764] I forget who wrote.

[1765] Maybe it was Gaffigan.

[1766] Someone, someone said that like that.

[1767] Someone had a quote like that.

[1768] I love Jim.

[1769] Oh, he's great.

[1770] But anyway, so, you know, I don't know why people think that you're like a character you play in something.

[1771] Well, because you played that character for a long time.

[1772] For so long.

[1773] And this was pre -social media.

[1774] This was pre -podcast.

[1775] They just associated, like Bill Cosby, okay?

[1776] For the longest time, people thought Bill Cosby was this sweet guy.

[1777] Bill always was offended that I talked blue on stage because he said, you don't need it.

[1778] And when I would see him, I would almost hear like he's saying, motherfucker, in between.

[1779] What did Bill Cosby think about Kinnison?

[1780] I want to know that.

[1781] I would have loved to see that.

[1782] I'm sure he just disapproved anything blue.

[1783] But the truth is, look what he acted out in his real life.

[1784] I would just do it.

[1785] That is why.

[1786] That's the boys club that he.

[1787] was in my boys club or I hate to say that because it's so misogynistic but it was a guy that looks like I know what I look like I look like your dentist your accountant or somebody maybe you're gynecologist if it's a good week but not yours but but I'll continue I swear I just had a moment of doing like 10 of those that go nowhere but but the truth of it is for me to say that is the joke for me to and that gets nowhere also so So I have to have content and the more specials I did and the more I've done stand -up, like I was about to shoot a new one this year.

[1788] I've got like an hour and a half of stuff.

[1789] Of course, everybody's going to have 12 minutes of COVID, but I don't know what it's going to be, but it was really I was about to talk about racial injustice ready to go because I've got all this stuff when I was a kid in segregation and I was living it and didn't understand it when I was six, seven years old in Virginia.

[1790] So it was like I started to have much more intent in what I want to do right now and make people laugh.

[1791] I got to throw a dick joke in just to make myself happy.

[1792] Well, stand -up comedy is supposed to be, here's the world through my eyes.

[1793] Whenever some other comic comes along and tells you not to do your version of reality, they can go eat shit.

[1794] And usually there's something wrong with them.

[1795] And that's obviously the case of Bill Cosby.

[1796] There's something wrong with him.

[1797] 100%.

[1798] His need to have everyone deliver this G -rated comedy was, you know, he was, he had some dark, dark shit going on the back of his head.

[1799] And I fucking looked up to him so much.

[1800] When I was young, I'd watch him on I Spy with Robert Culp.

[1801] And it was this, you probably didn't watch it back because I'm older.

[1802] He was so great.

[1803] And then, you know, he got his doctorate after just two years.

[1804] They gave him a free one at Temple.

[1805] I went to Temple University also, but I graduated, and I didn't, you know, tranquilized people and ejaculate on them.

[1806] Congratulations.

[1807] Thank you.

[1808] From the non -ejaculation clause.

[1809] But he, you know, you can't preach and then be full of shit.

[1810] Well, that's what he got away with for his whole life, though, I think.

[1811] That's how he, like, covered his tracks.

[1812] Like, nobody would believe it.

[1813] Who raped you?

[1814] Bill Cosby?

[1815] Oh, go on.

[1816] There's no way.

[1817] That's what they would think.

[1818] I guarantee you that was part of what the hustle was.

[1819] It's like a priest.

[1820] Like if no one knew that priest raped kids and then you came home and said, Mom, the priest raped me, your mom would be like, what the fuck are you talking about?

[1821] They're the Boy Scouts.

[1822] Look, I mean, there's a fucking ad right now.

[1823] Yeah.

[1824] I can't believe there's an ad.

[1825] I'm glad there's an ad.

[1826] What do you mean there's an ad?

[1827] It's a commercial.

[1828] If you've been sexually molested by a Scoutmaster, yeah, yeah.

[1829] So all this shit, that's the cleaning that seems to be happening that's positive, that people are getting called on stuff that's been going on for thousands.

[1830] of years and in this country for hundreds of years and terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible shit.

[1831] So that, that's a good calling out.

[1832] That's a good, I mean, well, this calling out is one way to look at it, but what's really happening is the lines between reality, like truth, information, and people, like how accessible is truth.

[1833] It's their way, it's, there's way.

[1834] less distance to travel to find out reality than they used to be.

[1835] And we're remapping our version of the world because of that.

[1836] And, you know, this is what we're seeing with everything, with police brutality.

[1837] It's what we're seeing with taxes.

[1838] That's what we're seeing with government and the environment and, you know, climate change and fill in the blank.

[1839] Every single problem in the world.

[1840] The pandemic is just a giant fucking representation of all of it.

[1841] Well, it's a wake -up call to all of us that there has been way less funding and planning and strategy to deal with pandemic viruses than should have ever been put in place.

[1842] Bill Gates warned us about this in 2015.

[1843] I don't know.

[1844] A lot of people think Bill Gates is the devil now for some reason.

[1845] Have you been paying attention to that?

[1846] Yeah.

[1847] They think Bill Gates is like trying to depopulate the world or some shit.

[1848] I don't know.

[1849] I don't know whether to get off Facebook, TikTok.

[1850] I don't know.

[1851] Get off all of them.

[1852] There's a guy in when they were trying to keep Huntington Beach or Long Beach open.

[1853] No, it wasn't Long Beach.

[1854] Wasn't Huntington Beach?

[1855] It was Huntington Beach.

[1856] It's a Republican area, right?

[1857] So they had all these people in the street.

[1858] We're not going to wear a mask.

[1859] We're not going to stay inside.

[1860] It was the early days of the pandemic.

[1861] Right.

[1862] And this guy is going, you know, do not wear a mask.

[1863] Do not give in.

[1864] Bill Gates is the devil.

[1865] So he's got a fucking bullhorn.

[1866] He was yelling.

[1867] This is like pre -George Floyd, all that shit.

[1868] And I remember that, to me, topped off the madness of that particular moment, like Bill Gates is the devil.

[1869] The guy who made Microsoft, the guy who wears sweaters.

[1870] Yeah.

[1871] Bill Gates is the devil.

[1872] But so many people, it was crazy to listen to.

[1873] But so many people do believe that.

[1874] We're all over the fucking place.

[1875] People are all over.

[1876] And it's like one side's over here so liberal that I'm not allowed to say anything.

[1877] I'm talking about just how it, not as a narcissist, but as a. a human artist, how it affects me, how it affects you, and then everybody's over here so far right.

[1878] It's fundamentalists on both sides.

[1879] Can't we just cut off the little hands on each side and just have just a, or can't everybody have a, if, there has to be a dream discourse.

[1880] It's not going to happen.

[1881] This is, this is how change happens.

[1882] You have to have polars.

[1883] You have to have polar opposites.

[1884] Yes.

[1885] This is just a natural.

[1886] It's like fundamentalism.

[1887] And it is.

[1888] It's the same thing you see on the left as you see on the right.

[1889] Their ideology varies, but what their goal is is the same.

[1890] Their goal is compliance.

[1891] They want you to listen.

[1892] They want to have power and control.

[1893] And then there's people that are fairly reasonable that can see other people's perspectives that lean towards the middle.

[1894] Those are the healthy people.

[1895] But these people that want you to use 78 different gender pronouns and they only want to give money to...

[1896] I can't keep up.

[1897] I'd make so many mistakes.

[1898] It's not mistakes, man. Well, I did a thing in Austin, which we both love.

[1899] and I did a thing for the Allie Coalition.

[1900] And it's for the LG, I always fuck it up.

[1901] It's LGBTQ.

[1902] Q, but Q is questioning or queer.

[1903] It changes.

[1904] Yeah.

[1905] It's questioning now?

[1906] Or queer.

[1907] At that moment it was.

[1908] And then A now.

[1909] You know, A's in there too?

[1910] What is that?

[1911] Asexual.

[1912] They got thrown in the mix.

[1913] I'm fine with that.

[1914] I'm not.

[1915] I did a joke at that.

[1916] They're a gang.

[1917] I did it for them because they're a wonderful organization.

[1918] that helps a lot of people.

[1919] And it was, I loved it.

[1920] And I was with Jay Farrow, who I loved being with.

[1921] And a bunch of people, a bunch of comedians were on the thing.

[1922] And I was the, I guess, the headliner of the thing that they brought in.

[1923] This gorgeous structure.

[1924] I don't know if you've seen it.

[1925] It looks like at the inside of a Mac store, but it's outdoors in Austin.

[1926] It's like a monolithic looking cool thing.

[1927] And so I made a joke something about LGBB.

[1928] I did all the letters.

[1929] And then I said, that's my record locator on my flight.

[1930] And that got an awful quiet response.

[1931] And I didn't understand it because I was, I'm with them, but I'm not making fun of them.

[1932] I'm part of them.

[1933] Maybe the joke just wasn't that good.

[1934] I think so from your response.

[1935] It's possible, too.

[1936] You're carrying it around your head.

[1937] But then I did another, I did a song about transitioning that I'd written for the event.

[1938] Transitioning what?

[1939] To a female?

[1940] From a male to a female and me having a relationship.

[1941] I do comedy music in a purest way because I love writing songs and singing and I've always done that in my stand -up.

[1942] I started as a musical act that we would all ridicule.

[1943] And I had to pull before I got to the end of it because it was just, it got quieter and I heard crickets and I felt so bad because I was doing it as saying, hold on, hold on, stop, stop.

[1944] Does that do well in clubs that bit?

[1945] Yeah, it was killing.

[1946] I did it on a special.

[1947] But you were doing it.

[1948] doing it at an LBG, TQA positive event?

[1949] That's because I'm a fucking moron.

[1950] Yeah.

[1951] And I care about people more.

[1952] I care about all human beings.

[1953] I don't have a racist bone of my, I don't understand anything.

[1954] I'm an idiot.

[1955] I'm a fucking, what?

[1956] I heard your dick's racist.

[1957] My dick is so.

[1958] Don't.

[1959] Thank you.

[1960] Thank you.

[1961] Thank you.

[1962] You saved me. I understand that you.

[1963] My dick spits at racism.

[1964] But you know.

[1965] that that's not a comedy.

[1966] Look, I don't do any sort of benefit.

[1967] And the reason why, I would just donate money.

[1968] I don't do benefits because it's not a good place for comedy.

[1969] But my sister died is scleroderma and I do but don't need money.

[1970] No, but would you do a tape for my viral event in October?

[1971] I wouldn't do three minutes on tape.

[1972] I wouldn't do acrobatics.

[1973] She died, listen to me. I wouldn't do acrobatics in a benefit to help people with spina bifida.

[1974] No, no, but spina bifida is hilarious, by the way.

[1975] I don't know if you've had it.

[1976] No, or people that are crippled, okay?

[1977] I'm not, you know what I'm saying?

[1978] Like, you're doing comedy in an event where people are talking about a serious issue that maybe they've been maligned and misgendered and just fucking disenfranchised their whole life.

[1979] And then you're on stage telling, you know, a questionable joke that wasn't your best joke and then a song about transitioning and you're wondering why they're not laughing.

[1980] It's not funny to them because it's not.

[1981] It's not a comedy show.

[1982] You're doing comedy at a thing.

[1983] Why weren't you in my life sooner?

[1984] I don't know.

[1985] Will you manage me?

[1986] Nope.

[1987] So here's...

[1988] I'll be here for advice, so, if you want to call me up.

[1989] The thing that I do, I'm part of the Schleridema Research Foundation because my sister died of this disease.

[1990] What is this disease?

[1991] It's a hardening of the skin.

[1992] Sclero means hardening and dermamine skin.

[1993] And a lot of people have it.

[1994] A lot of people.

[1995] A lot of people.

[1996] And proportionately hits people of African.

[1997] descent, not unlike coronavirus.

[1998] It hits the lungs.

[1999] Queen Latifa's mother passed away from it.

[2000] I know other people who've had it.

[2001] And I lost my sister and my dear friend.

[2002] And the first person to ever do the benefit was Robin Williams.

[2003] And he did it seven times afterward.

[2004] And we've raised $53 million.

[2005] And we're curing people.

[2006] People are getting into remission.

[2007] What do they do for the cure?

[2008] Like how do they get to me?

[2009] There's new therapies.

[2010] My sister, was mistreated and guinea piged.

[2011] They gave her cortisone and prednisone, which drives you fucking nuts.

[2012] And they just tested stuff.

[2013] And the rheumatologists that did it to her is no longer alive.

[2014] And how do you sue somebody that didn't know what he was doing?

[2015] But now there's centers at Johns Hopkins and at UCSF and Stanford.

[2016] And they're really new drugs, like really great ones.

[2017] So it's always been a comedy benefit.

[2018] And there are people, their patients there.

[2019] And I've always had everybody's done it.

[2020] Chappelle did it for me in L .A. at the Beverly Wilshire and I had, it was wonderful.

[2021] I think it was John Mayer got up on stage and I think it was Ray Romano and I'm wondering if it was Gaffig.

[2022] I've had almost every comedian do it, but Chappelle made me put on the invite and Dave Chappelle might come.

[2023] Dave Chappelle says he might come and he flew himself out and he did the damn thing and he couldn't do material because we didn't phones and he did a half hour of being the beautiful person that he is that's awesome and so all i was saying was robin did it seven fucking times so here's my question so richard jenny uh patrice brodie you know all these people sam uh chris farley wasn't a standout but why do really truly funny people have to die shouldn't there be some kind of universal law Mitch Headberg Throw him in that mix Mitch had Bill Hicks Well you know people die bro It's part of life I know but they But temporary But the love When you say Robin Williams To somebody Anybody They get emotional Yeah Because he He could have never done standup And just acted in movies When 9 -11 happened You know about 9 -11 right Yeah Okay You can't do that You can't do that joke It's not a joke It's just me being an ass Thanks for Thanks for sitting through this with me I haven't had my shrink in a while Do you go to a shrink?

[2024] No You're smart as fuck So anyway I go to a sensory deprivation tank Oh do you?

[2025] Yeah That's cool Yeah You get alone with your thoughts for real I've done it Have you?

[2026] Yeah I got one here You do Yeah And it's all salt and you get it in, you play music?

[2027] No. Tones of any kind?

[2028] No. Just your thoughts.

[2029] Just my thoughts.

[2030] I just do breathing exercises.

[2031] I know that you know the readings of Terrence McKenna because I was a mushroom boy back in the day.

[2032] I'm good friends with his brother.

[2033] No shit?

[2034] Yeah, his brother Dennis is amazing.

[2035] Holy crap.

[2036] Yeah.

[2037] Yeah, I was going to see it.

[2038] I had a 420 show in Vancouver.

[2039] He lives in BC now.

[2040] He's a expat.

[2041] He bailed out of this fucking wacky country and went to it just as wacky one.

[2042] Right.

[2043] Fuck.

[2044] But I love Vancouver.

[2045] I mean, he picked a good spot.

[2046] I love Vancouver.

[2047] Let me just finish the Robin thought.

[2048] Please, go ahead.

[2049] Yeah, because I apologize.

[2050] So 9 -11 happens, and I'm home, and I'm alone.

[2051] My kids, I was divorced.

[2052] My kids were at their moms.

[2053] And all the channels are running the footage for 24 hours.

[2054] And Fox television runs Mrs. Doubtfire.

[2055] And I'm like, what a great...

[2056] fucking thing they did for me and for people.

[2057] And I know a lot of people that I've talked to over the years that go, yeah, I watched Mrs. Stoutfire that night.

[2058] They fucking on their network, which was still kind of a new network in a way, they ran it.

[2059] And it's a story about divorce and what he would do to get back to his kids.

[2060] Yeah.

[2061] And his acting in that is, you know, it's a sweet movie.

[2062] It's a sweet movie.

[2063] That's a movie that I gave as an example in someone saying, Because someone was saying that trans people are never funny, and a straight person in drag is never funny.

[2064] I go, you can't say it's never funny.

[2065] And I said, you don't think it's never funny when someone pretends to be a woman?

[2066] And the guy says, it's never funny.

[2067] I go, Mrs. Doubtfire.

[2068] Tutsi.

[2069] Well, that's a good one, too.

[2070] But there's a lot of them.

[2071] Mrs. Doubtfire is a very strong example.

[2072] But it's not about that's not about that.

[2073] It's about having to do the greatest.

[2074] Guys to be able to see his kids.

[2075] Yes, but he's still pretending to be a woman, and it's fucking hilarious.

[2076] Yeah.

[2077] Well, he was, all I was saying was if he had never done stand -up, if Robin had just been, just been a great actor.

[2078] Or like what Eddie Murphy's doing now.

[2079] I mean, Eddie Murphy was one of the best stand -ups ever.

[2080] Yeah.

[2081] And now he just does films.

[2082] I have a story for you about him that I think you'll dig.

[2083] so I'm hosting the main room thinking I'll never get a career everybody's off everybody's gone Arsenio's gone how he went on what do you mean you think you never get a career I was on the road not making a lot of money but in the meantime I would host for years the Westwood store which was no more which was fun actually Sam so you're really young at this time then you were convinced you weren't going to have a career already in your 20s yeah I was depressed all my 20s my all of them that's crazy i was i'd be on a plane and didn't care if it went down that's how stupid i was really i should have been gone to a doctor is what i should have done be that depressed so i'm there and i'm hosting and um any murphy comes in and this is not on the bill he didn't call for a spot so eddie comes in and he's working out raw and i don't know that it's raw but then he comes out and he's in i can't remember if it's the the blue leather or the red leather suit, but he's in one of them.

[2084] And he looks like a fucking God.

[2085] I mean, he looks, I've never seen anyone more beautiful.

[2086] I look at him, I go, oh, my God, look at it.

[2087] His skin was like butter.

[2088] I mean, he's, I wanted to kiss him.

[2089] He's still beautiful.

[2090] He's amazing.

[2091] He's one of the most, but he wanted to be the Beatles of comedy.

[2092] He is.

[2093] He is.

[2094] So I'm the host on a Friday night.

[2095] and it was uh sam was gonna go on later and he comes out and the place standing ovation the walls shake and he does about 50 minutes on a Friday night wow and I'm watching it and it's good and it's and I'm laughing and I'm seeing it he's working he's working it yeah that's why he's there and he's getting ready for something because he's dressed in his wardrobe for what will be the suit that's going to be the show, the movie.

[2096] And then he finishes, and it, great applause, standing ovation, but what you would expect.

[2097] I was there the next, I was there all the time.

[2098] I lived there, which is why I went away for a long time, besides work happened.

[2099] I was on Broadway and whatever the fuck happened, just on the street, you know.

[2100] I was just begging.

[2101] But I, but a week later.

[2102] a week, one week later, the following Friday, he comes out in the other color suit.

[2103] I don't know if it was blue or red.

[2104] I have a feeling it was blue that other Friday.

[2105] One Friday later.

[2106] And I asked had he gone up at the improv or laugh factor anywhere.

[2107] And they said no. He comes up and he does an hour and 10 standing ovation when it starts.

[2108] I watched how great he is with my own eyes, ears, and heart.

[2109] it was I never saw anything like it I've the when he was done he had crushed it so strong in a way that was so fucking funny because it was it had emotion in it and it talked about racism and it talked about just and it was dirty and it was great and the wall literally the building shook and that building's got like dead mobster underneath it.

[2110] That's very solid that building.

[2111] There's cement down there.

[2112] I'm not kidding.

[2113] The wall, I thought it was an earthquake.

[2114] It was minutes, minutes of applause.

[2115] And I come back out on stage, you know, and he's face to face with me. And I go, that was fucking amazing.

[2116] And he just gave me a nod, like, yes, sir.

[2117] And then he was gone.

[2118] And he was always very kind to me, too.

[2119] But I got to see that.

[2120] I got to see in one week what brilliance it took for him to be able.

[2121] So what do you think he did?

[2122] Do you think he just went and reviewed the material?

[2123] And if he didn't perform it all that week.

[2124] He must have.

[2125] Not necessarily.

[2126] No, I think not necessarily is the answer.

[2127] No. I think he just did what we do when we're good and went over it and over it.

[2128] As long as he worked at it.

[2129] There's no way he didn't work at it.

[2130] Well, sometimes it's not even.

[2131] He didn't just leave it there.

[2132] But sometimes it's not that.

[2133] Sometimes it's just inspiration.

[2134] Sometimes you feel different.

[2135] Sometimes you just feel better.

[2136] Like sometimes you go on stage, you just feel loose.

[2137] Yeah.

[2138] He just got an idea of how to do it.

[2139] You feel physically better maybe.

[2140] Like maybe you're more well rested.

[2141] Or maybe he didn't like the set the week before.

[2142] So he'd been thinking about it for all that time.

[2143] I could tell he didn't after that first set because his mind was worrying like it does when we're trying to work something out.

[2144] Well, listen, man, that's the weirdest thing.

[2145] about doing a special.

[2146] You leave that material to the ether.

[2147] It's gone.

[2148] And then you start from scratch.

[2149] You have no weapons.

[2150] So here you have these people that come to see you.

[2151] Oh my God, it's Bob Sagan.

[2152] I love Bob Sagan.

[2153] I'm so excited.

[2154] And you ain't got shit for them.

[2155] I did that.

[2156] You scrambling.

[2157] Everybody's done that.

[2158] I did that after my last special.

[2159] Look, every time I do a set at the comedy store, after my special comes out, I don't have anything.

[2160] I have a few scraps.

[2161] I have a few ideas, a few premises.

[2162] You know, this last time I got lucky that I had a couple that I couldn't really do in my last special and I never really fleshed out.

[2163] I could start with them.

[2164] I could kind of get going, get a little bit of momentum and then piece together an act.

[2165] But that desperation is what creates your act.

[2166] This last, after that happened, and I could feel what was happening in the world, and you could too for the past year, year and a half of what we were going toward with Trump.

[2167] but the helm and all of the shit that's been happening and all the people at each other.

[2168] So it started happening fast where new stuff was coming to me and I was reflective over my life and reflective over real things, more real things, not just a bunch of nonsense or just.

[2169] So you wanted to do more real thoughtful storytelling.

[2170] Thoughtful things that mean something to you rather than just jokes.

[2171] But I can't help myself as you.

[2172] could apparently tell without taking little asides to throw in something that's just like fucking what when you say that you want to do this though like how much time were you working how much scared up were you doing uh quite a bit i've been on the road and i've been wanting to be on the road more than i've ever wanted to be on the road wow so up until pandemic i was set to go to canada and they closed Canada the day before actually they closed it the day after i pulled on Vancouver and they were basically just touring back and forth and just doing a lot of a lot of clubs a lot of clubs a theater a bunch of theater runs little theater runs not not big ones getting everything nice and loose yeah and when we thinking about filming I was going to go fall this year me too I was I was already I know where I'm going to shoot it I don't even want to say because I have some real cool shit that I have that I want to do that it's part of the place, part of it.

[2173] But it's just, I can't look like it's bad.

[2174] I can't feel like it's just going to, what we're all going through is just going to make me mean even more.

[2175] Everything we're going to get to do when there's a vaccine, when we find out if their vaccine works, we find out what the fuck all this is.

[2176] When we get to go out and really do a room that's 100 % full, and we don't know it's, you don't know what's coming with your big.

[2177] dates coming up i think they're all getting canceled if i had a guess i mean unless something happens between now i mean i'm supposed to do Madison square garden october have you played there before yeah i've played the smaller room but i'm doing the big room in the boston garden back to back two weeks in a row motherfucker and i don't know if that's happening chappelle and i have a bunch of gigs i saw i don't know if that's happening but you'll just move them you'll just move them a year right yes a year a year's likely but even then we don't what kind of a climate are we looking at what is the world going to be like that's the least in my concern right now i mean doing stand -up is great i would i would like to do stand -up again right it's a selfish concern right right now i just want to look if we'd never do stand -up again man life is beautiful i want to appreciate life i want to appreciate my friends i want to appreciate my family i appreciate being able to do this podcast this has been one of the the the nicest things that there's a place that I could sit and hang out with people and talk and learn.

[2178] Like, this podcast has made me grow a lot as a human being.

[2179] It has.

[2180] A lot.

[2181] I've listened and watched.

[2182] It's, uh, it's shifted my perspective.

[2183] It's made me way more aware of how much responsibility I have doing this thing.

[2184] When we first started doing this podcast, it was, you know, me and Brian Redband and, you know, whoever the guest was, Joey Diaz or Eddie Bravo or Ari Shafir, whatever it was.

[2185] And there would be like a thousand people listening at the most.

[2186] You know, again, like a thousand downloads would be crazy.

[2187] And so we got to practice when there was like no stakes.

[2188] And you can still listen to them.

[2189] Some of them are terrible.

[2190] And some of them are getting me in trouble now because some of the ridiculous shit we said.

[2191] Right.

[2192] Trying to make each other's laugh.

[2193] But that led to this.

[2194] And did you, for whatever reason, we just kept doing it or I just kept doing it.

[2195] It became this.

[2196] Did you have any vision in your mind that it would be what other?

[2197] people look at as like an empire no fucking chance no you just did it just did it i'm a grinder i'm i'm i'm a person then i see something and i try to get better at it and i know that i had a bunch of podcasts that weren't that good and so i'd go what was wrong with that one well i talk too much or maybe i interrupted too much or maybe i didn't have enough to say about the subject so maybe i should be more prepared maybe i should be more focused and then i were like what what is what's a distraction like make sure people don't look at their phones, make sure you're locked in, be really engaged, be in the moment in the conversation, be better at that.

[2198] And I just kept doing it.

[2199] That's kind of, you're an influence on me in a huge regard, because I didn't come to podcast because every fucking person on the earth has the kid across the street has a podcast, you know, the guy, UPS guy the other day had a podcast.

[2200] Really?

[2201] No, but.

[2202] But it's okay.

[2203] But I'm like on number 33, and I'm, I'm learning very fast because I'm a broadcaster.

[2204] You know, I know how to do things, but it's not.

[2205] It's a conversation.

[2206] That's why I'm so drawn to what you do.

[2207] There's people listening.

[2208] This is the most important thing.

[2209] And they love it and they need it.

[2210] But it's also, you have to listen to the way you sound.

[2211] You have to listen to the way the conversation's going.

[2212] Like, it has to be, there has to be something in what you're talking about and the way you're talking that makes people want to listen.

[2213] And I don't know how to teach that.

[2214] I mean, I don't know.

[2215] No. I think, but you get better at it.

[2216] It's a skill.

[2217] There's something to it that's just like everything else, man. It's like, I don't play the piano, but I would imagine it's like playing the piano or learning any other skill.

[2218] The more time and focus you put into it, the better you get at it.

[2219] And to me, it's fascinating still, to this day, if I get a scientist in here or a researcher or someone who's writing a book on something.

[2220] Yeah, to Elon Musk with a flamethrower.

[2221] Yeah, it's fascinating.

[2222] When I'm having those conversations, I'm locked in, man. I love it.

[2223] I enjoy it.

[2224] And I never thought I'd be doing this.

[2225] This is not a plan.

[2226] There was no plan to this.

[2227] Isn't that the best?

[2228] It's great.

[2229] I don't know if it's the best, but it's great.

[2230] Well, it's the best.

[2231] I think it's the best because it comes from an organic place, and that's why it worked.

[2232] That's why it works.

[2233] I mean, that's why it's going to even, I don't know if you read, but you're moving it.

[2234] I don't know if you read about it.

[2235] Yeah, that's right here.

[2236] Some people that work for me to tell me that.

[2237] Yeah, it's moving somewhere.

[2238] I can't remember where, but I just moving somewhere big, apparently.

[2239] Yeah.

[2240] You know, and that's a, that's a mind fuck too, because now it's like there's more scrutiny on it.

[2241] There's more people paying attention and criticism and everything.

[2242] But it's also, it's like, I just keep doing it.

[2243] I just keep going.

[2244] And I just keep focusing on that.

[2245] And that's the real challenge, right?

[2246] As it gets bigger, can you keep doing it?

[2247] the way you're doing it can you keep getting high and get drunk and have friends here and just talk shit yeah i'm gonna see until the wheels fall off they're not they're not gonna fall off because you're a special guy i'm just telling you i'm 64 i could say shit like that what if when you're 62 did not let you no i wasn't allowed i was talking to norman lear the other night he's gonna be 98 how's he doing he's it's fucking genius on the ball at 98 we were we had a zoom with a bunch of music guys like I said, and he is one of the most beautiful people I will ever know.

[2248] Which is the key to being sharp at 98?

[2249] He cares about humanity.

[2250] He, you know, he changed television.

[2251] He gave us all in the family and Sanford and Son and Good Times and the Jeffersons.

[2252] Isn't it crazy that none of those shows you could do today?

[2253] But they're doing them.

[2254] They are doing the live ones on ABC.

[2255] Jimmy Kimmel and he are doing those shows.

[2256] Doing what?

[2257] All in the family.

[2258] And the Jeffersons have been running new episodes.

[2259] What?

[2260] Woody Harrelson's Archie Bunker.

[2261] Shut the fuck up.

[2262] And Marissa Tomey is Edith.

[2263] Shut the fuck up.

[2264] Sorry, you really need to Google this.

[2265] Is this actually happening right now?

[2266] This is gigantic.

[2267] It happened a couple months ago.

[2268] What?

[2269] Yes, before the pandemic.

[2270] What?

[2271] This is about as real as it gets.

[2272] How the fuck am I just hearing this?

[2273] How can you, I told you something you don't know.

[2274] Wait a minute.

[2275] This is Woody Harrelson.

[2276] That's Woody.

[2277] And they sing those with the days.

[2278] As Archie Bunker, get the fuck out.

[2279] And it's fucking awesome, Joe.

[2280] It's awesome.

[2281] And Norman Lear, and there's Marissa.

[2282] This is crazy.

[2283] You have to watch it.

[2284] It's awesome.

[2285] I can't believe this is real.

[2286] No, it's...

[2287] How do you know about this?

[2288] Are you joking?

[2289] No, I didn't know about this.

[2290] Well, I gave you...

[2291] What did you tell me, Jamie?

[2292] I gave Joe Intel.

[2293] Live in front of a studio audience, all in the family.

[2294] Holy shit.

[2295] So it's Norman and Kimmel and ABC and it's fucking...

[2296] Kimmel's one of the producers?

[2297] Yeah, they do it together.

[2298] And it's, it's fucking, it's so special because the stuff is about racism because people didn't quite understand.

[2299] Some people were just loving Archie and not getting the sadness.

[2300] Wow, and they were all dressed like they're in the 70s.

[2301] Yeah.

[2302] So it takes place in the 70s.

[2303] Jesse Aginberg.

[2304] Look at the collars.

[2305] And on the Jefferson's, yeah, Jamie Fox.

[2306] I mean, this is, what?

[2307] Yes, this is big shit.

[2308] How the fuck do I not know?

[2309] You've got to go and watch it.

[2310] You've got to look it up.

[2311] You've got to watch a little bit of it.

[2312] I'm that old man that doesn't know anything anymore.

[2313] I'm completely out of the loop.

[2314] I'm so relevant.

[2315] You're the relevantest guy I've ever met.

[2316] No, the most relevant is Norman Lear.

[2317] So he's 98.

[2318] Look at this.

[2319] This is crazy.

[2320] It's absolutely.

[2321] Now, who's going to do Sanford and Son?

[2322] I don't know if they're going to do that.

[2323] Why not?

[2324] I don't know if you can do Red Fox.

[2325] D .L. Hughley.

[2326] He could.

[2327] There's a few people.

[2328] I love D .L. I do too.

[2329] I think he could do it.

[2330] So he was on stage at saying he's in Nashville and he passes out and he's got coronavirus.

[2331] I know.

[2332] How good is his tour manager that caught him as he was falling asleep?

[2333] Yeah.

[2334] Isn't that amazing?

[2335] He could have had his head crack open.

[2336] Oh, for sure.

[2337] He was going down.

[2338] You know what?

[2339] This is what I was saying about all these comedians that we love.

[2340] And I got, I'm so fed up with that because I love comedians so much.

[2341] I don't reach out to DL that often.

[2342] We see each other once in a while.

[2343] I started texting him, were you okay?

[2344] It's Bob Saggin, please don't think I'm weird.

[2345] I can't fucking take it anymore.

[2346] That is you.

[2347] Please don't think I'm weird.

[2348] No, he texts me back.

[2349] He's laughing.

[2350] He's going, I'm okay.

[2351] I said, I wrote something else.

[2352] I'm sorry I texted you.

[2353] Then the next day I called him.

[2354] I said, what the fuck, man?

[2355] How sick are you?

[2356] He goes, I'm okay, I'm okay.

[2357] He doesn't seem to be that sick.

[2358] I saw him talking.

[2359] No, he seems okay.

[2360] Like a little bit of a cough.

[2361] You know, Brian Callan got it.

[2362] Yeah, and he's fine now.

[2363] He was sick.

[2364] Well, he's a strong mechanism.

[2365] His instrument's pretty together.

[2366] Well, he didn't take any medication.

[2367] Brendan Schaub, his friend, took medication, and he was fine four days, and Caldna took him like 11 or 12.

[2368] But he's fine now.

[2369] He said it feels good.

[2370] I'm concerned with long -term effects from anybody that has this because I was talking to a friend of mine who is a doctor who is saying he's treating a basketball player who three months, a guy in his 20s, three months after COVID is still having issues with his endurance.

[2371] He hasn't gotten his endurance back to where it is.

[2372] Like his lungs are not working at full capacity.

[2373] So there's perhaps some damage or something or something going on.

[2374] I've heard for people that are scarring.

[2375] Yeah, that happens.

[2376] That's fucking terrifying.

[2377] You know, what is this, Jamie?

[2378] Scans reveal heart damage and over half of COVID -19 patients and study.

[2379] Oh, great.

[2380] Maybe they should go with more patients.

[2381] There was something else I could send this to you.

[2382] There was another Well, it's not necessary, but it was essentially saying that in the autopsies that they're doing on people who died of COVID, they're finding blood clots in all of their organs and their liver, their lungs, their kidneys everywhere.

[2383] Yeah, this is a fucking weird disease, man. And they don't know if the vaccine, and what I've been hearing with the vaccine, they don't know if you get it, if it doesn't, if it can keep you safe.

[2384] They don't know.

[2385] Well, they don't know, first of all, they don't know if a vaccine is going to be even possible.

[2386] Normally it takes a vaccine upwards of four years to develop, and they're trying to do this and fast track it.

[2387] And they're also trying to do something called an MRNA vaccine.

[2388] It's a different kind of vaccine that doesn't use a live version of the virus, but instead it forces your body to create proteins.

[2389] I don't know.

[2390] See if we could pull up what that means.

[2391] I remember, I'm a moron.

[2392] So when I say these things, even though I use the right words, I really don't know what the fuck I'm saying.

[2393] Very important to remember.

[2394] You're becoming me. MRNA virus See if you can Excuse me MRNA vaccine I typed it in but it's not the same What it's like That's it we'll never find out The definition of MRNA vaccine Messenger RNA Messenger RNA See it does something to the body And forces the body to create proteins That fight off the virus Another thing that's really important is vitamin D They are finding And this is what you were talking about With African Americans having a particular problem with COVID African Americans have a particular problem with vitamin D as well Because, of course, with their skin color, their ancestors all came from Africa where your body had all this melanin to protect itself from constant sunlight.

[2395] So they didn't have to worry about absorbing so much vitamin D from the sun because they were in the sun all the time.

[2396] This is the reason why Irish people are so fucking pale.

[2397] The reason why they're so fucking pale is because where they are, there's no goddamn sun.

[2398] So their body has to be like a solar panel for vitamin D. Your body produces vitamin D because of sunlight, and it's not just a vitamin.

[2399] It's actually a hormone.

[2400] Which is, I'm really been getting into this lately.

[2401] Do you take a lot of supplements of vitamin D?

[2402] My wife says...

[2403] I take 5 ,000 I use a day.

[2404] So I was talking to your guys before I came in here and they were saying, yes, you got to, I've been out in the sunlight because I've been out, go to the pool.

[2405] That's like Hawaii for my wife and I. And she's, you know, that's been helpful.

[2406] It feels good.

[2407] That's good.

[2408] But you're also getting a little bit of sun damage there too, right?

[2409] You got to be careful about that.

[2410] Yeah, I put on the shit.

[2411] But is that protecting you from vitamin D as well?

[2412] Probably.

[2413] What you should do is.

[2414] get blood work done and find out where your vitamin levels are it's not hard to do go to a good doctor they can do blood work my wife wanted me to take supplements she says she as right before i came in here she said that's what i've been trying you don't take vitamins she said i do i do but i don't take too many you should take vitamins you should go to a doctor that really understands this kind of shit and could look at your blood work and say hey you need niacin you need vitamin d you're low in zinc and all those things protect you.

[2415] Is it a normal doctor or is it a person that's?

[2416] We'll talk afterwards.

[2417] When you have a body that is deficient in nutrients, that body lacks the strength to prevent illnesses.

[2418] It's the part of what your immune system is is your body has an army that fights off bad diseases.

[2419] Right.

[2420] Right.

[2421] And when your body doesn't have any building blocks, your body doesn't have any nutrients, your body is deficient and all sorts of critical nutrients that it needs for all these different functions, it's not going to do the job.

[2422] It's real simple.

[2423] When your body's weak, it's not going to do the job.

[2424] But fortunately for us in 2020, you can take supplements.

[2425] And vitamin D is not expensive.

[2426] It's not prohibitive, but it has a huge impact.

[2427] One of the things that they're showing is that, and this is something that Dr. Rhonda Patrick talked about when she was on the podcast, she went over all these different studies that they've done in places where.

[2428] COVID patients were in the ICU.

[2429] And in one of them, in several, but one of them that I can recall, 80 plus percent of the people that were in the ICU for COVID had vitamin D deficiency.

[2430] Four percent had sufficient levels of vitamin D. And there's multiple studies that point to the exact same thing, is that this is, it's critical in your body's ability to fight off illness and particularly effective with COVID.

[2431] So when you're talking about African -Americans, one of the things my doctor told me was that when he was doing tests in Manhattan with African -Americans, some of them had non -detectable levels of vitamin D. So these are people that, first of all, their ancestors come from a climate where they're supposed to be in the sun all the time.

[2432] Now they're not because they're in this northern hemisphere, cloudy, it's in the winter, they're not getting anything in the sun.

[2433] And they're not taking any vitamins, so they're just not getting it.

[2434] It makes them particularly susceptible.

[2435] Another thing that makes people particularly susceptible is obesity.

[2436] That is, according to my friend who's a doctor in New York, is a huge factor in people that are in the ICU.

[2437] I've heard that quite a bit.

[2438] Obesity is a huge factor.

[2439] Obesity, vitamin D, those are two big ones.

[2440] Zinc does something that stops the virus's ability to get into the body.

[2441] I don't know how that works, but something about your body's, the virus's ability to enter into the body is somehow or another stop by zinc.

[2442] think?

[2443] I've always had a problem taking too many cell limits.

[2444] I went on a lot of kicks.

[2445] I had a couple doctors recommend certain vitamins and D was one of them for sure and biotin and D's fucking huge man. Most people are deficient in D. Does it upset your stomach?

[2446] Because like C accepts my stomach.

[2447] How does it upset your stomach?

[2448] I don't know.

[2449] I have an acidic stomach.

[2450] It just does.

[2451] What are you talking about?

[2452] It feels like it's burning a hole through it when I take a vitamin C. Well, do you take it with food?

[2453] That's what I've done wrong.

[2454] First of all, you should Then when I fart, it's like a white cloud.

[2455] A white cloud?

[2456] Are you looking in the mirror while you fart?

[2457] How do you know it's white?

[2458] Who doesn't?

[2459] I mean, you've never looked over and farted in the mirror?

[2460] I haven't.

[2461] Over the shoulder?

[2462] I don't think I have.

[2463] Maybe we should do a photo session.

[2464] Maybe not.

[2465] Let's say not and not we didn't.

[2466] You should take vitamins with food.

[2467] Most vitamins are, they get absorbed better with food.

[2468] Well, I think the best way to do is probably in the middle of your meal.

[2469] Like, eat some of your food.

[2470] When you're eating elk, which I've seen a lot of photos of, a lot of elk pictures, would you take the D in the middle of four pieces of elk?

[2471] I do.

[2472] Yes, I have a hard time telling people to do what I do in basically everything because they're not going to do what I do.

[2473] I don't mind it because you're kind of like a perfect human specimen.

[2474] But they're not going to do it.

[2475] They're not going to do it.

[2476] I take advice.

[2477] I have a stack of vitamins.

[2478] It's like this, like a fucking monopoly board.

[2479] And I pull those bad boys out when I eat.

[2480] and I pour four of these and two of those and ten of those and I just eat those and I eat them with my food.

[2481] That's what I do.

[2482] When I'm eating, I'll stop in the middle of the meal and I go out and I get my box and I have a box full with fish oil and...

[2483] Right.

[2484] Fish oil, right?

[2485] Yeah.

[2486] What does it do?

[2487] This is probably not a good topic, but what does it do to your stool?

[2488] What happens?

[2489] I don't know.

[2490] I always do it.

[2491] Do you have a nice one?

[2492] I have regular shit.

[2493] All right.

[2494] Is it thick?

[2495] Tapered?

[2496] Like a fucking hammer, bro, comes out.

[2497] hard residual or no it's just shit it's regular shit okay so it's not in compartments it doesn't come out all separate like vitamins no you don't like shit like 40 vitamins no no shit capsules doesn't have anything to do with your shit it's uh what you know just your shit comes from food waste that's what shit is yeah i didn't know that it's mostly fiber for a lot of people when you eat meat only that's what's interesting yeah you were on that you just did a carnivore diet You lost a bunch of weight on that.

[2498] Yeah, I did.

[2499] When I did that, I had smaller shits.

[2500] It was interesting.

[2501] I was eating a lot of meat, but your body absorbs it.

[2502] And, you know, meat is mostly water, right?

[2503] So you've got, like, the tissue and then the water, and the amount that you shit is surprisingly small.

[2504] Whereas when you're eating a lot of salad and you're eating a lot of, like, celery and fibrous foods, all that stuff, your body doesn't really digest it.

[2505] But it's good for you, right?

[2506] I don't know.

[2507] I don't know.

[2508] Everybody's saying that we need to have our vegetables right now.

[2509] Not everybody.

[2510] Some people are saying you need to have the vegetables, and then there's some people that are on this carnivore diet that say you don't need any vegetables.

[2511] Well, some people are vegan, like my wife's a pescatarian.

[2512] She worships fish.

[2513] And I am on, I'm B positive blood.

[2514] My 10 -year -old goes.

[2515] Is a humanitarian someone who eats people?

[2516] I mean, that's going to happen soon.

[2517] I think we're on.

[2518] It's already happened.

[2519] We're on the, but I mean, I think it's going to become popular.

[2520] You think so?

[2521] Yeah, I think on day it was a way.

[2522] What if lab -created human meat is the best thing to eat at a restaurant?

[2523] It's like the veal.

[2524] We have some beautiful lab -created human, lab -created buttocks.

[2525] You can get it at Umami.

[2526] They would have that.

[2527] Um -Mami has people.

[2528] A restaurant, and they come out and they have one of those like fucking bugs bunny silver things where they pull the top off of it and it's a dude's butt.

[2529] It's just a perfect butt, like an athlete.

[2530] I ate the best ass today.

[2531] And he's like this, we're going to crockpot this.

[2532] It's going to be a beautiful, beautiful roast for you.

[2533] But it's not, it doesn't not a part of an actual person.

[2534] It was all created in a lab.

[2535] Right.

[2536] So someone who's always wanted to eat a guy's ass.

[2537] Simulated.

[2538] I mean, who doesn't.

[2539] Pull that top off that and show them.

[2540] Simulated man ass.

[2541] Like if you go to Mortons, they come by with the steak tray.

[2542] Yeah.

[2543] And they show you, this is the rib eye.

[2544] This is a beautiful marble cut.

[2545] They come by with the man asses.

[2546] Five asses.

[2547] I mean, they're making lab -created meat.

[2548] Why not make lab -created human meat?

[2549] Do you eat that stuff?

[2550] I have never, because it's not available, but I would try it.

[2551] Not man. Oh, that fake shit?

[2552] Yeah.

[2553] The soybean shit.

[2554] My wife gives it to me. I don't really love it.

[2555] It's supposed to taste pretty good, but it's not good for you.

[2556] It's not good for you.

[2557] If you want to eat vegetarian or vegan, eat vegetables.

[2558] Eat actual real vegetables.

[2559] Don't eat some fake beef bullshit.

[2560] That's not real food.

[2561] I need my meat.

[2562] well eat meat then yeah but it's not supposed to be good for your heart it says who well people but have you looked into that no yeah see that's the thing that people just keep saying yeah they hear what some guy says you know what's bad for your heart man sugar sugar and and fat's fine flour no fat's not bad for you fat's essential you need fat it's actually i thought so i thought it's also good it helps lube up the meat so you can shit better perhaps listen we can go down this rabbit but it's already 4 o 'clock.

[2563] It would take a long time for me to explain nutrition to you.

[2564] Motherfucker.

[2565] Time flies in this room.

[2566] You're enchanted.

[2567] How do you do this?

[2568] You sit, you talk.

[2569] Yeah.

[2570] You have a good time.

[2571] A couple hours passed by.

[2572] Pa -paw.

[2573] I love this.

[2574] It was fun.

[2575] Glad we did it, Bob.

[2576] I love it.

[2577] Tell people about your podcast.

[2578] How do they get it?

[2579] It's on, you know, it's wherever you get them, right?

[2580] It's Apple.

[2581] Where you get them?

[2582] Apple.

[2583] It's Spotify.

[2584] Is it?

[2585] It's on ZigZag.

[2586] Is it on YouTube as well?

[2587] It is, but I got a brand new YouTube site.

[2588] I'm a newbie, so I just, it's up there for Zoom videos because I've been talking to people.

[2589] Beautiful.

[2590] But I have really good guests.

[2591] I've been having that, but I call people, too, to see how they're doing.

[2592] And Instagram, just Bob Saggett?

[2593] Yeah, Instagram, Twitter.

[2594] I got TikTok until China pulls it.

[2595] Don't get off the TikTok.

[2596] They're watching you ever move.

[2597] Are they really?

[2598] The Chinese government.

[2599] They're in your ass right now.

[2600] I'm checking you out.

[2601] Maybe I need that.

[2602] Maybe you do.

[2603] But what about, what about, you know, Alexa?

[2604] Isn't she listening to everything?

[2605] That bitch is listening to everything.

[2606] Everything.

[2607] So was the Apple thing.

[2608] The Apple home?

[2609] The motherfuckers listen to everything, too.

[2610] Siri.

[2611] Siri, that bitch is on me. She's deep in your shit.

[2612] Yes.

[2613] She knows everything.

[2614] All of them.

[2615] Fuck her.

[2616] Yes.

[2617] She and Alexa should take a slow boat to shit bill.

[2618] There you go.

[2619] Let's end with that.

[2620] Tagga, I love you.

[2621] I love you, Joe.

[2622] Thank you, buddy.

[2623] Thank you.

[2624] It was a lot of fun.

[2625] This is great.

[2626] Goodbye, America and the rest of the world.

[2627] See ya.

[2628] That's fucking...