#140 - Brendon Walsh (Part 4)

[0] Through me doing stand -up, Gene Simmons came to see me do stand -up at New Year's in L .A. And his son listened to one of my CDs and liked it, so he dragged the whole family out.

[1] Oh, wow.

[2] I've never been starstruck before the show where I was like, I feel weird.

[3] I'm about to go on stage.

[4] I'm about to go on stage.

[5] It wasn't a normal show.

[6] It just couldn't be a normal show.

[7] It was just too weird to me. When I was a little kid, like a little like seven or eight years old or whatever the fuck I was, I guess I was probably like 11 when Kiss was big.

[8] I remember, like, thinking they were the greatest thing in the history of the world.

[9] You know, like, this is the greatest band of all time.

[10] Like, I was a huge, huge kiss fan.

[11] Sort of, like, to be standing there as a grown man and he's a grown man and we're at my show.

[12] I'm like, that's just too fucking weird.

[13] This is too much for me. I had to address it.

[14] I had to dress it.

[15] I shifted my whole act around.

[16] So I just thought I could address it because I have some.

[17] I have some of music thing.

[18] No, no, Gene Timmy.

[19] is Chuck.

[20] Luckily I didn't, right?

[21] There are some people.

[22] There are like some young girls who would be more starstruck by Gene Simmons's son.

[23] She saw the two of them walking down the street or some young kids in general.

[24] Well, he's a reality star.

[25] Yeah.

[26] He's a handsome devil.

[27] Very tall.

[28] The whole family is very tall.

[29] When they were hugging me, I felt like their child.

[30] All of them were towered.

[31] Were the cameras following them around for the reality show?

[32] No, it was legit.

[33] It was just a regular show.

[34] Did you know there's an abandoned zoo in L .A. in Griffith Park?

[35] An abandoned zoo.

[36] Yeah, it closed in the 1960s.

[37] It was the first zoo in Los Angeles.

[38] They closed it down because it was so fucking small.

[39] And so they raised money for the current zoo.

[40] And so it was like a mile down the street.

[41] And so now I found out the other day that you can actually go to this zoo.

[42] It's still there.

[43] You can walk through it.

[44] Yeah, they filmed the movie Anchorman.

[45] There's a scene in it from that movie.

[46] So anyways, you go through like this weird.

[47] trail and you go through this parking lot and then you end up in this zoo and it looks like you know like this is where the tigers were this is where the elephants were and then there's like all these cages where there used to be like gorillas and stuff like that and what's so cool it's fucking creepily like it's been grown over like there's plants and stuff like that and half of the shit's like still standing other half is like crumbling but people hang out there and like like bring blankets and there was like people playing the doors in one of the cells so you're just walking down and you hear with you know Jim Morrison just kind of echoing throughout this sounds a little fantastical I mean I live really close to there and it's not like it's not that weird like it's just it's a field like right when you drive in it off riverside there right it's just up past like the merry -go -round thing right and there's a big field and then some old cages yeah you're freaking me out man and then and then and then we know about these doors parties and then there's a man who works there did you go to the old house and he talked to us what he told us where to go and it turns out he's been dead for five years.

[48] See, we climbed through, like, where the animals walk up and down, or through the back, you know, and there was, like, people, graffiti artists, like, really awesome.

[49] Oh, you saw all this?

[50] Yeah.

[51] Oh, okay.

[52] And behind the gate, there was, like, you know, like a big drawing of, like, a gorilla face screaming behind this gate.

[53] Imagine if somebody just clubbed you over the head, and the next thing you know, there was a dick in your ass.

[54] Yeah, I know.

[55] I know.

[56] I mean, it is.

[57] Oh, that was in the dream, too.

[58] What I thought was.

[59] What I thought was the creepiest, though, it was like mostly women and girls, like just hanging out there.

[60] What was going on?

[61] I never...

[62] So it's a hangout.

[63] People hang out there.

[64] Yeah, it's like a park almost.

[65] But it was at night?

[66] No, during the day.

[67] So it's a former zoo that you could walk through.

[68] Yeah.

[69] Anybody can walk through.

[70] Yeah, and it closed in the 60s.

[71] And then you can really explore.

[72] There's a lot of trails.

[73] You can find, like, old things that, like, you can't...

[74] It would be really cool to see the blueprint and like, oh, this is where this is where this is...

[75] Because there's a...

[76] It's like a ghost town.

[77] It's creepy.

[78] I thought I saw most of it, but it sounds what you're saying is, yeah.

[79] I was working for a private investigator once, and I used to have to do a lot of driving for him.

[80] And we were out in the middle of fucking nowhere, like way, way far away.

[81] And it was driving back home when I was bored.

[82] And I don't remember the town, but it was a town in the middle of fucking nowhere.

[83] And I saw a sign that said the zoo for whatever the fuck this town was.

[84] I mean, I'm in the middle of nowhere.

[85] So I pull in.

[86] I go, okay, let's see what this fucking zoo's all about.

[87] So I go there, there's a tiger that is in like a swimming pool.

[88] I mean, this fucking thing has nowhere to move and it keeps pacing back and forth and back and forth and that's as far as I got.

[89] I got to that thing and I was just so freaked out by the obvious madness that I was seeing that they had taken some animal and put it into what is really like a swimming pool and this fucking thing is just going back and forth and back and forth and there's no room for him.

[90] Oh, so like swimming pool on its side.

[91] No, I mean, when I say a swimming pool, it's like the size of a swimming pool and it's cement.

[92] I mean, it's just this weird fucking thing that this poor creature is stuck in and he's pacing back and forth and I'm watching it.

[93] I'm like, this is madness.

[94] Like, there's some like really tiny -ass zoos in some places where these poor little fucking animals are just, you know, even if you go to a nice zoo, though, does that not ever freak you out?

[95] I can't, I don't like that feeling of looking at these.

[96] I mean, it's cool that we can see them all.

[97] I was spoiled.

[98] It's educational.

[99] I grew up by one of the best zoos and probably some people consider the whole country or whatever, the Columbus Zoo where Jack Han is from and all that stuff.

[100] So our zoo was a little bit cooler.

[101] They had, because it's Ohio, they had like farmland, you know, zoo where it was just like this elephant was in like its own like woods.

[102] Like it was like it didn't look like a cage.

[103] It was just, you know, big, huge exhibits.

[104] Do you think it bothers them though?

[105] Okay.

[106] If it gets big enough, then it's okay.

[107] Is that the justification?

[108] I think, like, do you know that you're on, you know, where you're at right now?

[109] You know, if you grew up on an island, like Hawaii or something like that.

[110] I mean, that's way bigger, but, you know, elephants, they just want a big thing of grass.

[111] I don't think they care to go hiking.

[112] Are you saying that elephants are in Hawaii?

[113] I'm so confused.

[114] What the fuck did Hawaii figure to your equation?

[115] I'm talking about, like, if animals have enough space, if they have, like, you know, football fields.

[116] I agree.

[117] I went to the San Diego.

[118] Yeah, San Diego Wild Animal Park is pretty dope.

[119] And like the one animals that definitely seem happy are the giraffes.

[120] They're just kind of like chilling and eating and wandering around.

[121] And there's like no one there to jack them, you know, which is if you're like a gazelle or an antelope or a fucking giraffe or anything, you're always thinking something's going to jack you eventually.

[122] You know, you ever see the videos of them taking down giraffes, of lions taking down giraffes?

[123] There's a bunch of them online.

[124] It is crazy, man It's crazy One of them There's a lion And two lionesses And they take down This giraffe in the middle of a street And these people are filming this From their fucking car They're inside their car And they're filming it through the windshield And this fucking lion Takes down this giraffe right in front of them It's wild, dude It's so fucking primal You're right there And this thing is just whew That shirt is so badass I got a Berg Kreischer T -shirt on Does he sell those?

[125] Yeah, I don't, I think so That is fucking beautiful It says I am the machine If you don't know Berg Kreischer has a fucking hilarious story That he told on this podcast Which is an amazing story Of him in Russia It's so funny that somebody animated that one right Yeah, and I think if I remember correctly It's like in the hundreds of thousands now Of hits, yeah, it's fucking hilarious I'll find it later and I'll tweet it tonight But you know Burke Kreischer He's been on the podcast a bunch of times and he's one of the funniest guys It's a crazy story I heard it He did it at the improv He's so funny man He's such a fun guy to be around Yeah I didn't realize his like history I mean I just You know he's just the guy That I met Around doing comedy But I didn't know that he He was like Like the king of college partiers Yeah Van Wilder He was like He's such a nice god Yeah It's so weird It's like he's a party Yeah But he doesn't have a fucking Mean bone in his life No no And he hangs out With his fans Like Like that one guy, that Monkey Todd, did that awesome Nancy Grace video, by the way.

[126] Did you see that Nancy Grace video?

[127] No. Dude called up Nancy Grace and asked Nancy Grace, you know, what is it, who you want to marry, fuck, or kill?

[128] Right, yeah, yeah.

[129] And she, he asked her, you know.

[130] Would you rather, like, want to marry, kill, or fuck, Red Band, Sam Trippley, or Jason Tebow?

[131] And he says it's on TMZ, live.

[132] Really?

[133] Nancy Grace is just sitting there like, like, you could kind of look like she was going to smile, but then you'd become angry.

[134] And then Monkey Todd goes, And would you dry hump, Sam Tripley?

[135] And then Harvey, the TMZ host, this was their first serious interview, I heard.

[136] Like, they were, like, really like, wow, this is the first time we have a serious interview.

[137] Harvey was like, is this serious?

[138] Really?

[139] Like, it's uncomfortable to watch that video, don't you think?

[140] No, not uncomfortable.

[141] She's a nonsense person.

[142] She is not cynical.

[143] Dead babies in Florida.

[144] Did you know she was that big?

[145] That's what keeps her in office.

[146] Oh, yeah.

[147] She was that big.

[148] She's a big woman.

[149] Yeah, well, you know, getting fretting.

[150] about dead babies in Florida it allows you a lot of freedom to eat Cheetos and stuff your face with ringdings you're old the dead babies it doesn't seem possible is this ring ding if i don't eat this ring ding is this baby in florida gonna be alive now i don't think so and she just eats it she's hard to stay slim when there's so many dead babies it's hard to stay slim she has babies she has like twin babies which doesn't seem right like she doesn't seem like childbearing no Yeah, it seems like That should be physically impossible Yeah Her eggs should be just Fucking fighting to the death in there I question it I wonder Her eggs should look like a gladiator scene Yeah Just fighting each other Can you imagine she just had the best Pussy ever just juicy No way Just like a fist Yeah Imagine just like it's jerking you off With her vagina muscles Have you seen that Russian bitch online That can carry like 30 pounds With piercings What?

[151] With piercings?

[152] I don't know how it works.

[153] She doesn't really show the gash.

[154] But she's got, like, videos on how to, like, control your pussy muscle so that you can, like, pick up weight.

[155] You know, like, she would just fucking crush your dick.

[156] Just get it in there.

[157] Maybe it would be too tight.

[158] Maybe it would be uncomfortable, like a wrestling match with your dick.

[159] Yeah.

[160] You know, like, dogs, like, dogs, when they fuck, they got a real problem because dogs have a bone.

[161] And that bone gets locked in there, like a fish hook.

[162] And sometimes they get stuck.

[163] Right.

[164] It's fucking painful.

[165] Cats are jagged Dicks Yeah Have you ever seen a cat dick It's jagged What are you doing Jerking off cats son Well Why did you see a cat But that's why if you hear cats That's why if you hear cats Fucking they're screaming Oh wow so it's painful It's painful for their female cat That's nuts You should Google Google cat penis right now You'll be shocked It looks like a I've been tricked before But not that easily Brian Not that easily Cat penis Seriously look at it I guess I need to know Everybody knows what a dog dick looks like, but very few people don't know.

[166] Yeah, I've never seen my cat's penis.

[167] No. You've never seen it?

[168] No. You didn't go take a look?

[169] Okay.

[170] I see little Barbie looking things.

[171] Cat penis spines, they are called.

[172] My goodness.

[173] He's telling the truth.

[174] This is horrific.

[175] Nature is so ruthless.

[176] You know what it is?

[177] That's to ensure that the male stays in there and shoots his load.

[178] This is horrendous.

[179] Nature's so goddamn vicious.

[180] What a vicious fucking animal in nature is.

[181] Girl cats would just loosen up a little bit.

[182] They would have need their Barbie penis to, you know?

[183] That's a wild world we're living in.

[184] The world of the cats, you know?

[185] Big cats, like jaguars or little baby cats out there killing mice.

[186] It's just the same thing.

[187] It's a wild world of fucking moving and killing things smaller than you, you know?

[188] We can't even understand what it must be like to try to get some cat pussy, you know?

[189] Could you imagine?

[190] Could you imagine?

[191] This bitch is in agony.

[192] She wants to fuck so bad.

[193] She's in agony.

[194] but she knows you're going to rip her insides up with that needily dick.

[195] Yeah, yeah.

[196] And she wants you to just fuck me in with no needles.

[197] He's like, wait, with the needles, a part of the package.

[198] And they just circle each other.

[199] That could be a good, like, let's write that script.

[200] Cat man, like, but he just has a Barbie penis.

[201] Well, that's why dude cats, you know what they like?

[202] They like those fluffy cats that just give up.

[203] You know, like, what are those called?

[204] What is yours called?

[205] Persians.

[206] Persians, Persians just give up.

[207] They're just a little slutty cats.

[208] They just relax and just take it.

[209] That's why a big Tomcat with like a Persian cat around the house.

[210] So you could just fuck it random.

[211] She's not going to fight back much.

[212] She's going to barely fight back.

[213] She can't fuck with him.

[214] Big Black Street cat.

[215] It's like the Kardashians.

[216] They're Persian, aren't they?

[217] No. No, they're Armenian.

[218] Did you make a joke about Armenians somewhere on Twitter recently?

[219] No, I don't think so.

[220] Have you ever worn a long -sleep shirt?

[221] Oh, no, Jen Kirkman tweeted something.

[222] Yeah, she tweeted something about, what, is it an Armenian holiday today or something?

[223] I don't know, is it?

[224] She said something, I called it, she said she wasn't going to make any sarcastic tweets about the Kardashians in honor of some Armenian day.

[225] And I called her an ass kisser.

[226] That was the whole, I didn't say anything negative about Armenians.

[227] I know you would never do that, right?

[228] I would never say anything negative about a group of people that proud.

[229] Armenians, they love being Armenian.

[230] There's not a lot of Armenians who are like, fuck, I wish I wasn't Armenian.

[231] They love being Armenians, you know?

[232] They're proud people.

[233] Cairo Parisian, dude he used to fight the UFC.

[234] He was fucking, what a personality that guy has.

[235] He's hilarious.

[236] I got this thing that we were having lunch.

[237] I got to ask him if I could put this video out.

[238] It's a video of him joking around about his nickname was the Heat.

[239] And joking around about giving girls the heat and telling him, what are you doing?

[240] You're taking the heat.

[241] The heat, take the heat.

[242] He's, like, yelling about it.

[243] He's like, he's so Armenian.

[244] Yeah.

[245] You know what I mean?

[246] It's so fucking hilarious.

[247] You know, those really aggressive, funny Armenian -type guys?

[248] Yeah.

[249] I mean, I don't know a ton of them.

[250] I've only lived out here for...

[251] They're like extreme Italians.

[252] A few years.

[253] Yeah.

[254] They're like Italians, but extremes.

[255] Yeah, exactly.

[256] I actually had Armenians took me up at the tire center the other day, which was the most weirdest thing.

[257] There were six Armenians.

[258] They all came out, circled around the car, and we're like, hey, how's it going on?

[259] oh you got two nails in your tires we'll change them and patch them and he goes you know what it's on us and i'm like what really dude that's awesome you know you always hear bad things about i know people russian people and armenian people and you know people from you know what we consider like hard places you know yeah i've made a lot of great armenian people have a lot of passion you know there's a there's something about real ethnic groups you know a real group like the armenians you know they stick to their culture and when i was growing up i was culture is kind of bullshit like who goes a fuck you know like you know does it really matter if you behave exactly the way everybody else behaves but when you see like a really tight knit ethnic community and you appreciate not that they're racist or biased against anybody else but that they have like this real distinct flavor to them you know the way they behave you know the things they like you know they have this real distinct real uniqueness to it that makes it interesting it's one of the interesting things about life you know One of the things I was thinking about when I was in New Orleans this weekend, I was like, this is a completely different way to live your life.

[260] Like here there's these people that are living, this is a totally different flavor, a very unique flavor of its own.

[261] You know, it all was like a race, you know, like New Orleans people are almost like it's from another country.

[262] But I think that, you know, when people get assimilated, it's the, I mean, the perfect thing is to have, you know, everybody be cool with everybody and there's, you know, no people who are prejudiced against, any particular group because we're all some sort of weird shade of gray now.

[263] We've all interbred to the point where there's no distinctiveness between, you know, no way of distinguishing us between anybody else.

[264] We're all just one sort of individual type of thing.

[265] But along the way, man, we're going to lose a lot of fun.

[266] You know, there's a lot of fun in people being weird.

[267] Yeah.

[268] There's a lot of fun in, you know, Armenian dudes who are like wearing gold chains and trying to get some pussy.

[269] Those guys are awesome, man. Those guys are fucking black artists, man. What about the Kardashians, though?

[270] Armenians are proud of that?

[271] No, but is that like, if you make fun of the Kardashians, like is an Armenian guy going to punch me in the face?

[272] I don't think they claim them.

[273] I don't think the Armenians claim them.

[274] Because it seems like she's trying to be a white girl.

[275] It's different, you know.

[276] Think Armenian women, I don't want to speak for Armenian women, so they don't say.

[277] Well, listen, they have to, like, forget about whatever the fuck, you know, is she worthwhile?

[278] Is she worth anything?

[279] What's the point?

[280] We're talking about her.

[281] She's entertaining.

[282] Just as like Max and Ruby is a cartoon that my kids love.

[283] It's this little rabbit show.

[284] It's a fucking show.

[285] It's entertaining.

[286] Maybe not to you.

[287] I've never heard of it.

[288] I don't have kids.

[289] To someone, this Kardashian show is fucking awesome.

[290] All right?

[291] Oh, I guess so.

[292] To that person, they deserve it.

[293] As ridiculous as it is.

[294] So I don't know.

[295] I don't know if the Armenians claimer, but they should.

[296] You see that?

[297] She's a badass bitch when it comes to being good at that, you know?

[298] You got to recognize...

[299] Oh, like Paris Hilton kind of...

[300] Well, she took the Paris Hilton thing to some completely new level to the point where every time I'm at the airport, I'm throwing my fucking sneakers into a bin.

[301] I'm looking at her face.

[302] There's like ads where it's her and a couple other famous people.

[303] And I'm like, wow, this girl started off in a fucking porno movie.

[304] Yeah, that's crazy, right?

[305] And now I'm putting my change on her face.

[306] This is so strange, you know?

[307] But you got to...

[308] I love it.

[309] I love the madness of it.

[310] I love how ridiculous it is.

[311] I've gotten to the point where I love Rick Perry.

[312] I see him talk, and I know he's a stuttering fuck.

[313] I know he's just like Bush.

[314] I know he's going to do the exact same shit, maybe even weirder.

[315] You know, maybe even where he reminds me of Josh Brolin playing W in the movie.

[316] That's what he reminds of.

[317] And I look at him, but I like it.

[318] I like that he's there.

[319] I'm enjoying that he's there.

[320] I mean, yeah.

[321] But then it's just like, so.

[322] I don't know what it is.

[323] I mean, I'm kind of in the same boat where it's like, all right, I mean, I can either be walking around, like, furious out of my mind all the time, or just, like, don't really pay attention to it and enjoy the absurdity of it all.

[324] Like, watching Mitt Romney and Rick Perry, like, I just saw on the news.

[325] I don't know, they were like debating each other, and it's like...

[326] Who's crazier?

[327] Who believes in crazier shit?

[328] They're the same dude.

[329] Like, that's like from an 80s.

[330] They're like politicians.

[331] They're like the architect.

[332] type bad politician guy from like an 80s movie or something it's just like this like robot dude they're both exactly the same i think we're getting like your choice we're getting a real clear message a real clear message with politics over the last decade or so it's that what you're seeing on television the people that are talking that's the guy who got that spot that's all that is and that guy is he's he's he's instructing He's pushed into a certain direction by all the people who got him to that position.

[333] It's so clear.

[334] It's so obvious.

[335] There can be no denying it.

[336] When you look at it now, to take it seriously, as in, you know, to take it to think that there's really some sort of a big vote going on, and we're going to change the way the whole thing works.

[337] Hey, I hear they're going to throw out the Federal Reserve.

[338] Really?

[339] Yeah, it's going to go back to the only living by the Constitution.

[340] We're going to cut the number of laws back dramatically.

[341] We're going to let people have states' rights again.

[342] Yeah.

[343] We're going to get rid of all these.

[344] How long would that last?

[345] Oh, yeah.

[346] They would kill that guy.

[347] They would kill that guy in a heartbeat.

[348] Oh, yeah, of course.

[349] We all agree to that, right?

[350] Just the guy saying, like, no, I don't think I can sign that bill called the Clean Air Act that actually let you pollute more.

[351] Well, people tell you, well, that's ridiculous.

[352] You're being cynical.

[353] This is a terrible message to send out.

[354] You haven't really researched this enough to be absolutely accurate.

[355] Yet you're saying this damaging thing that voting doesn't change anything and you're sending a terrible message to people.

[356] But at what point in time are you allowed to be objective?

[357] At what point in time do you look at a guy like Obama who acts like a Republican and does all this creepy shit that if GW is doing it, liberals would be fucking calling in to newspapers every day and protesting every day.

[358] He's doing shit just like the stuff that Bush did.

[359] And yet somehow another, yeah, absolutely.

[360] Somehow another liberals aren't even saying anything about it.

[361] It's so bizarrely creepy and so bizarrely weird, just like Windows versus PC.

[362] It's like the same sort of retard battle going on It's the same sort of weird control Over some fucking boat That doesn't even have a steering wheel It's like one day you break into the fucking main cabin All right, we finally got to the head of the boat There's no steering wheel on this fucking boat There's nothing, there's no instruments It's smooth as glass You can't affect this fucking thing at all You can spend your whole life chipping away at this insanely corrupt system Good luck Look at when you see anybody The challenges any of the mainstream ideas that we've come to accept.

[363] Look at a guy like Ron Paul.

[364] They duck that fucking guy every chance they get.

[365] I've seen polls where they ignore the number one guy and focus on the two and three.

[366] The real battle between Rick Perry and Mitt Romney.

[367] And they were literally ignoring that Ron Paul was winning things.

[368] Just ignoring them.

[369] Just not even talking about it.

[370] Yeah.

[371] Because he's just telling him they're doing everything wrong.

[372] We're doing everything wrong.

[373] The people are going, yes!

[374] And the TV people, People are going, oh, don't, don't, don't.

[375] When Howard Dean said, yeah, and like, just fucking, but is that really fucking up?

[376] He fucked up.

[377] He fucked up.

[378] He fucked up.

[379] I think they set him up, too.

[380] They didn't have to.

[381] I mean, it was manipulator.

[382] Like, they took that footage and really twisted it into something.

[383] Well, I remember it was morning mattress material.

[384] You know, there was a, there was a show that I was think of when I think of morning shows.

[385] Charles Laquadera, the mattress in the morning in Boston.

[386] Oh, okay.

[387] They would play.

[388] something along these lines.

[389] So you know that every fucking single wacky morning zoo radio station he had that crazy yell that he yelled out and it became a joke.

[390] It became a national joke in the matter of days.

[391] You remember it, right?

[392] Howard Dean did a campaign speech and he's like, and then we're going to go to Vermont.

[393] Then we're going to go to New Hampshire.

[394] And all they did was take that, yeah, and they're like, no fucking way, dude.

[395] You can't ever yell like that and be president.

[396] They took it from like his body mic when he was yelling to like, you know, a couple thousand people.

[397] Granted, but could you imagine if Obama ever, yeah, like that?

[398] Well, ever since Howard Dean did that, you're not allowed to show any emotion anymore.

[399] I mean, that's, they have playbooks now where they're like, no, don't show any emotion, just put the, this is still in when you make your fist, like, put your thumb out a little.

[400] Isn't it amazing?

[401] And don't ever answer a fucking question, no matter what you do, never fucking give a direct definitive answer.

[402] And once people decide that Howard Dean is done, Howard Dean, is done.

[403] He just pushed to the side.

[404] Like he was the front runner.

[405] He was the number one guy.

[406] A surgeon from Vermont like, you know.

[407] Brilliant man. Brilliant man. Great speaker.

[408] Got a little emotional.

[409] Good morals.

[410] Yeah.

[411] Fuck out of here.

[412] You know, I kind of like him even more now because he's so uncensored when he talks about things.

[413] And Vermont's a very interesting place too.

[414] He's from Vermont.

[415] It's amazing.

[416] It's like it's really northern and rural, but it's really smart.

[417] Have you ever done a gig there?

[418] Yeah.

[419] I've done a gig in Burlington when I was living in Boston.

[420] I did a weekend there once.

[421] It was fucking great, man. I was like, wow, what a crazy.

[422] And they were like, winters are tough though.

[423] Yeah.

[424] I have a friend who lives in Brattleboro.

[425] Yeah.

[426] And yeah, winters are fucking, I wouldn't want to be there in the winter.

[427] There's a certain quality of your life that you sacrifice when you live in some place that's brutally cold.

[428] Well, it's the way it's so rural that you have, everybody's got like a 45 foot kind of dirt driveway thing.

[429] And then when it snows and freezes, it's like, you can't drive my truck down there.

[430] It'll fucking slide into a tree.

[431] Well, up in Big Bear, a lot of people drive around with fucking chains on.

[432] Yeah.

[433] Yeah.

[434] I think you're required.

[435] I think you're required in certain areas.

[436] At least you used to be.

[437] I know, I know they make like studded snow tires and shit so you can deal with that.

[438] Like a lot of people in Colorado, they had that.

[439] No, chains are required.

[440] Yeah.

[441] But a place like Vermont, it's fucking cold for a good five or six months.

[442] It's really cold.

[443] Yeah.

[444] Fuck is it beautiful up there though, man. It's one of the few places that's like, has been fucked with you know because there's just you know it's it's a fairly small population and it's a it's got an incredible amount of wildlife an incredible amount of like woods and and and you know just beautiful nature shit to look at you know when you're driving they drive up to burlington you're like god look how beautiful it is yeah just clear air and not that many people and it's almost no outdoor advertising in vermont too no billboards no outdoor you can't advertise out of ours?

[445] Wow.

[446] Yeah, they're real hippie.

[447] That's where Ben and Jerry comes from from Vermont.

[448] You know, Ben and Jerry's ice cream?

[449] They came from Vermont.

[450] They're real super hippie up there.

[451] Are they up there still?

[452] Yeah, you can actually go to the factory.

[453] And do the dudes live up there too?

[454] Or do they fucking fake it?

[455] And they're in Miami.

[456] I think they do it.

[457] I don't know.

[458] They're bawling.

[459] Can you imagine?

[460] You imagine if they were just became super rich and then they just became ballers, but then they have to like put on the fucking Birkenstocks for their ad campaigns.

[461] They just want to be out there doing blow.

[462] And That's a funny idea.

[463] That'd be a funny, like, sketch.

[464] Fake, fake hippies.

[465] Like fake Ben and Jerry.

[466] Like, we get those guys in when they get big, they're like P. Diddy and fucking just totally shift gears.

[467] Or Ben and Jerry's becomes like McDonald's where a different guy plays it in every store.

[468] Hey, I'm Ben and Jerry.

[469] Yeah, yeah.

[470] We start off this company.

[471] Yeah, you have a fucking Ben and Jerry's show that goes on before the actual ice cream gets served.

[472] Yeah, yeah.

[473] I'm Ben and he's Jerry.

[474] Are you sure?

[475] I thought I was Jerry.

[476] He, he.

[477] Yeah.

[478] Yeah.

[479] How the fuck did that McDonald's?

[480] McDonald's thing happened.

[481] Remember when there's like real clowns dressing up as McDonald's and you can go to McDonald's like certain days when Ronald McDonald would be there and you're like, holy shit, there's a Ronald McDonald's going to be at this, and people get excited about it.

[482] How ruthless is McDonald's.

[483] They still do that.

[484] I had a roommate who was a clown.

[485] He didn't even do Ronald McDonald's shit appearances.

[486] Amazing, man. What a tricky way to rope kids in and eat your fucking food.

[487] I was just to think that about, you know, when you think about the most delicious cereal, it's all the worst shit for you.

[488] all the ones with the big attractive cartoon faces on it.

[489] Like it literally is designed to get little kids to go, ooh look!

[490] Like it speaks to them.

[491] A cereal called cookie crisp.

[492] That's not going to be appealing of a kid.

[493] Well, you could have a cereal box that was all white that said Captain Crunch peanut butter.

[494] Right.

[495] And you would look at it and go, fuck yeah.

[496] You could be completely white with like black letter.

[497] To a kid that's going to be completely unattractive because they can't fucking read.

[498] They're getting them before they even can read.

[499] All the little kid has to see that and go, I want this, I want this.

[500] Like my three -year -old can't read, but she looks at Captain Crunch and it looks fun.

[501] Yeah.

[502] You know, you look at fruity pebbles.

[503] It looks fun.

[504] Dude, what's the blueberry?

[505] They still make boo -berry and all that?

[506] I saw it yesterday.

[507] Did you know boo -berry in Ohio, there was no such thing as boo -berry.

[508] They had only the strawberry and the chocolate.

[509] But then I would go on vacation in Florida.

[510] What was the Frankenberry?

[511] Frankenberry and.

[512] Okay.

[513] Did you feel left out?

[514] Did you feel like?

[515] I would go to Florida on vacation and buy boxes of it.

[516] load up a U -Haul with boo -berry.

[517] My mom would be like, Mom, please.

[518] This is my favorite cereal, so she'll spend like $30 and buy as much boo -berry $30.

[519] Did you spoil a little brat?

[520] It was rude.

[521] There's no reason for that.

[522] Boo -Berry's the best one, and you don't sell it in certain markets?

[523] I don't think I've ever had boo -berry.

[524] Oh, it's great.

[525] Or the strawberry one.

[526] Go to CVS.

[527] My folks wouldn't buy us the sugary stuff.

[528] I mean, I've had it as an adult.

[529] Good for them.

[530] Good for them.

[531] My parents bought it very sparingly.

[532] They let us have it like every now and then.

[533] You'd like pick a favorite.

[534] you know, be able to just eat this stupid shit.

[535] They would indulge us.

[536] They would also let us, like, eat TV dinners.

[537] We wanted to eat TV dinners for some stupid reason.

[538] They're disgusting.

[539] But for whatever reason, that's Salisbury steak.

[540] Oh, yeah.

[541] I want to eat a TV dinner.

[542] Yeah.

[543] Wanted to eat the dumbest shit.

[544] So they would let me every now and then.

[545] But for the most part, they wanted me to eat healthy.

[546] So I didn't get to eat too many of those.

[547] But when I could, when I got a chance, man. Fuck, yeah.

[548] Well, like what we were talking about earlier, once you tell people they can't do shit.

[549] Yeah.

[550] Then it's on.

[551] It's like, really, I want some of that.

[552] Yeah, imagine if you grew up a vegan.

[553] You would just, like, hunger for chicken livers and hearts and meat and legs of lamb.

[554] Yeah.

[555] You just smell it in restaurants and know you can never have it.

[556] Yeah, no shit.

[557] You're just getting seeds.

[558] Here, eat these seeds.

[559] They have a full spectrum of alpalaipoic acids.

[560] It's all vital nutrients.

[561] Eat these seeds.

[562] You can get everything and just the seeds.

[563] Yeah.

[564] Okay.

[565] Yeah, I don't know.

[566] Could you ever go vegan?

[567] I'd give it a shot.

[568] I mean, I wouldn't have any, I mean, just for kind of like to see how it makes me feel and like to kind of clean out.

[569] Like, you know, just eating kind of raw.

[570] I would do like raw diet or I don't know much about it, but I'd try like, I think, yeah, I could go vegan.

[571] Not fish.

[572] I like fish too much.

[573] I like eggs too.

[574] I could try vegetarian for a little while.

[575] I think there's some merit to vegetarian.

[576] I think it definitely probably.

[577] changes your personality too.

[578] I think it's been at least with anecdotal evidence proven that people who eat meat are more aggressive than people who are vegetarians.

[579] It kind of makes sense.

[580] If you think about just the nature aspect of it, even though we're not going out and getting the stuff, even though we're not killing it ourselves.

[581] That makes sense.

[582] We're still eating it.

[583] We're still getting it.

[584] You're eating flesh.

[585] So the attitude that you must have, like the cultivating your body, if you're a flesh eater, a constant flesh eater, it's got to be a more predatory attitude.

[586] It just makes sense.

[587] Yeah.

[588] I mean, I don't know how the real...

[589] Or it probably just keeps something triggered in your body of like, you know, that you're...

[590] I'm totally guessing here, totally talking out of my ass, because obviously I don't know how the real reward system works with like eating meat and getting aggressive, but we all associate like steak with aggression.

[591] It's like a natural association.

[592] You know, fucking, what's a man's meal?

[593] Yeah, right?

[594] Make sense to me. Sold.

[595] Yeah.

[596] I'm doing no further research.

[597] I'm going to repeat what you said as fact to other people now.

[598] I think if we all ate shit that was like grass -fed, if we all ate just grass -fed beef, there would be way less of it, but it'd be way better for you.

[599] And people would probably enjoy it more.

[600] But there's certainly, at this point, I think there's just too many goddamn people and not enough food, you know, to live like that.

[601] That scares me, man. It's terrifying.

[602] I mean, there are a lot of, you know.

[603] We would have to have monstrous, monstrous farms to compete with, you know, with some of these crazy chicken farms where they fucking grow them all stuff together.

[604] I mean everybody that freaks everybody out when you watch those chicken videos but if they weren't like that like how much farm acreage would it cost, how much more would it cost?

[605] Is it at a point where we need cheap food so much that they have to do shit like this?

[606] Because that's fucked up and I'm not insinuating that they are.

[607] I'm just raising the question that is fucked up.

[608] If that's the case if it's like we need to do like the factory farming thing because there's fucking way too many of us and they're just sending and chickens out the moment they shit them out.

[609] They're fucking pumping them up with the hornwall because they got to get them big quick so they can ship them out to the 300 million motherfuckers.

[610] And out of those 300 million, how many are farmers?

[611] How many out of 300 million people are farmers?

[612] Is it even a million?

[613] No, it's not one in 300.

[614] One in 300 people isn't a farmer.

[615] Do you think there's a million farmers in this country?

[616] Yeah, I'd probably say there's a different kinds of farmers.

[617] Either way.

[618] Maybe.

[619] I mean, there are, like, states like...

[620] Obviously, folks, for you Googling right now, these fucking guys, you're so off with their numbers.

[621] All I'm trying to say is, could you imagine, if that was the case, if it was one in every 300, could you imagine if one person had to take care of 300 fucking people?

[622] Yeah.

[623] That's ridiculous.

[624] Yeah, I guess.

[625] I don't know.

[626] I would just eat a lot of water.

[627] It should be like...

[628] You imagine one person.

[629] You had to feed 300 people.

[630] That's true.

[631] One person feeds 300 people.

[632] What the fuck?

[633] That would be so hard.

[634] No, you'd have to do it by yourself.

[635] You couldn't employ anybody because we have 300 million people.

[636] In order for our numbers to work, you can't employ anyone because it's one out of 300.

[637] And we're being super generous.

[638] We're saying there's one million farmers.

[639] So that's where it gets fucking loony tunes, man. Obviously, it doesn't work like that.

[640] They have 100 people and they do the work of 5 ,000 individuals or more.

[641] I know obviously it doesn't work like that but it almost seems like at this point the resources versus population is in a weird place where we need an incredible amount of food and we all sort of take for granted that it's out there you know like who's providing all of this you know it's a lot of fucking food and if the three of us went out right now and had like two hours to just buy as much food as possible we could each buy so much fucking food yeah instantly it's amazing like just fast food like if we had like an hour to buy as unlimited fat like we could buy probably i mean a van full more yeah 250 cheeseburgers apiece it's just to me staggering the way we have uh grown from being hunter gatherers to people who lived in like small villages to cities where we have to get the stuff sent in every day in trucks just more meat for the wheel over and over again.

[642] Trucks and trucks of meat are just pumping into the city all day long.

[643] And it's really only been going on for a few hundred years.

[644] That's nuts, man. Yeah.

[645] That's amazing.

[646] It's almost like there's a living machine called civilization and its blood is animals.

[647] I mean, not even a few hundred really.

[648] It's pumped alive by blood.

[649] You know, the blood in the trucks, it's almost like individual blood cells.

[650] You know, but it's not.

[651] It's on a much larger scale.

[652] It's like, yeah, just meat delivery devices.

[653] And that's what keep, these are the meat delivery devices to the city that keeps it moving at this insane pace.

[654] Yeah.

[655] Where you can fit 7 million people on one square floating place and have them stacked on top of each other.

[656] And he just keeps sending the meat.

[657] I saw that movie Contagion yesterday.

[658] Did it freak you out?

[659] It was good.

[660] It didn't really freak me out.

[661] I don't think it sucked.

[662] I didn't suck, Brian.

[663] I heard a lot of people say it sucked.

[664] I liked it.

[665] But tell me if this is right.

[666] Does Tokyo have 36 million people?

[667] Something crazy like that.

[668] They're packed in there.

[669] That blew my fucking mind.

[670] Because they were talking, you know, like as the thing, I mean, everybody knows it enough that it's about a disease.

[671] It spreads.

[672] And they would show like, you know, New York population, whatever, 8 million, whatever lives in New York, California or Los Angeles population this.

[673] And then they would go to Tokyo and it's at 36 .4 million.

[674] And I was like, hey.

[675] That's incredible.

[676] That's like five times.

[677] Do you think that's like the goldfish rule, like the bigger the bowl, the bigger the fish?

[678] And that's why Asians, for the most part, seem a little bit smaller built.

[679] That's interesting.

[680] You know?

[681] That's very interesting, Brian.

[682] That's an interesting physiological theory, one that, you know, people would consider.

[683] It's funny if you judge any group like that, say a lot of Asians are small.

[684] All of a sudden, you're tipping on the verge of the swimming pool filled with racism.

[685] Like right there, what are you saying?

[686] where you're saying Asians are small.

[687] But there are actual statistics you can look at like the average height and weight of them.

[688] Right.

[689] They are.

[690] But still, it's a weird thing.

[691] If you make an observation, there's always the danger of being called a racist.

[692] Yeah.

[693] Even a little observation.

[694] It's not.

[695] It's not at all.

[696] I did it a girl from Japan, and she took me on a picnic at a dog park.

[697] That's racist.

[698] Yes.

[699] That's racist.

[700] Because I don't think Japanese people even eat dogs.

[701] No, but.

[702] That's racist to think that they did.

[703] That joke's offensive on so many levels.

[704] The joke's a logical.

[705] It makes people go...

[706] Yeah, that joke makes people go, people don't need dogs in Japan.

[707] That's what they do.

[708] They don't laugh.

[709] You would get a whole audience fill of people going, people don't need dogs in Japan.

[710] That would be the sound in the audience.

[711] People don't need dogs in Japan?

[712] That's more racist that they know, though.

[713] Yeah, but that would be accepted when Midwest, yeah, they're dogs in Japan.

[714] I know they do.

[715] It does make sense what you said, because in other animals, that is definitely the truth.

[716] Like, these guys that I know told me that they could get me some baby crocodiles.

[717] I had a giant fish tank, and I was looking for some exotic shit to put in my...

[718] I had piranhas for a little while.

[719] Oh, man. I got bored with them, and I wanted to get some crocodiles.

[720] That seems like such a bad idea.

[721] It's a terrible idea.

[722] But this is what I was saying.

[723] I was saying, okay, well, how long, how big of these motherfuckers can get?

[724] Why would I have crocodiles?

[725] We can get you crocodiles.

[726] I go, you can get me crocodiles.

[727] I go, you can get me crocodiles.

[728] I go, you can get me crocodiles.

[729] I go, he goes, oh, you don't have to worry about it.

[730] I go, what do you mean?

[731] He goes, as long as the tank is small, they won't get big.

[732] I go, what?

[733] Really?

[734] What?

[735] No way.

[736] What?

[737] Yes, yes, yes.

[738] He said, how big is your tank?

[739] It was like, I don't remember how big it was, but it was about nine feet long.

[740] It was a really big fish tank.

[741] And he said, maybe I'm exaggerating, seven feet long.

[742] Oh, that's a really big fish tank.

[743] It was big.

[744] It was very big.

[745] He said, they'll never get more than a few inches.

[746] Yeah, my dad bodied.

[747] Did you get them?

[748] No, no. I think they're super illegal.

[749] And I didn't know the dude that well.

[750] And what if he was a fucking cup!

[751] right yes then you're set up turns out rogans and i got you some crocodiles brother my dad my dad built this huge pond in his backyard and he got like one of those like hundred uh worth of a hundred like a hundred like a hundred goldfish at a pet store like almost feeder goldfish you know like shitty goldfish throws him in the pond he took a couple out and put it in this other separate pond the fish in the gold pond are still alive a lot of them are like i was probably say like 20 of them are so alive and now they're huge like they're monster goldfish the other two or normal goldfish right yeah that's amazing yeah they almost look like coy they almost look like well I think coy and goldfish are pretty related aren't they yeah they look related shit yeah what is with coys and tattoos what's that supposed to signify the coy become the dragon or some shit everybody's got coy fish it's some Japan thing I think some dope -ass Japan shit some Japan's just legend they figured out tattooing they figured out how to make like a sleeve they're the ones who first figured that shit out.

[752] To make like big, big bold pieces.

[753] You know, like the old days.

[754] Do you have a coy fish?

[755] No, I don't have any coy fish.

[756] I do have a dragon though.

[757] I'm a tiger and a samurai.

[758] How long have you been doing that?

[759] This one's six years old and this one's two years old.

[760] Oh, you had that all done at the same time.

[761] Yeah, this dude, Aaron Delova Dova from Guru tattoo in San Diego.

[762] He's a fucking badass artist.

[763] And I just, I just always enjoyed tattoos.

[764] I always liked them.

[765] I think you're wearing some.

[766] cool art on your skin you know and there's a lot of people attach a lot of weird shit to it like you don't have to do it but to me like I take care of my body and I'm healthy and everything but I want to decorate it the way I want to kill a fuck yeah for some people it's a it's a weird thing so weirds them out tattoos weird amount tattoos weird people out because they're permanent you know when you have tattoos it's like he's willing to do something permanent but you're not I have some dumb tattoos what you got I have Ozzy rules tattooed on my toes do you really are you serious Before Ozzy came back Like it was That's weird How old were you in when you got that?

[767] 26.

[768] I was waiting here 33 No 26 27 Yeah And uh But it was before the Osbournes and stuff Like it was like Yeah Yeah it was me and my friend We were talking about Would you have done it Or were you disappointed Once the Osbournes came out Were you like Fuck man Now it's mainstream?

[769] Um Not really I mean it's on my toes But it definitely made the joke Like not funny anymore Because you used to see like Ozzy written bathroom style.

[770] I used to see Ozzy rules written everywhere.

[771] Right, right, right.

[772] And you just didn't see it anymore.

[773] And I was like, Ozzie still fucking rules, man. Like, we saw this interview with him on like VH1 behind the music, me and my friend.

[774] And they asked Ozzy what the key to happiness was.

[775] And Ozzy said, the key to happiness is appienees.

[776] And they were like, what?

[777] And he's like, Appie Knees.

[778] The key to happiness is Appie Nees.

[779] And I were like, what are you talking about?

[780] stands up and pulls his pants down and he's got smiley faces tattooed on his knees and he goes, happy knees.

[781] Happy knees.

[782] But I thought it was funny.

[783] I was like Ozzy rules, man. It is funny.

[784] It's just not funny enough to laugh.

[785] It's like funny left to smile.

[786] I don't know, man. Ozzy was pretty, he's a pretty funny character.

[787] He did a lot of crazy shit.

[788] It's amazing.

[789] He's still alive, isn't it?

[790] Yeah.

[791] I mean, he's one of those dudes.

[792] they're like wow he made it through yeah and now he's like this mainstream like did you ever think you'd see ozie osborne doing like a fucking i don't know he's in sitcom sort of a thing with his wife and his kids on tv well there's that but commercials too you see him in pretty mainstream commercials really like fucking yeah for like direct tv and shit yeah it's weird or like cars probably i don't know i don't really pay attention i think as we get older we you know as we get older we're more willing to take shit from crazy people that we like than we ever were before, you know?

[793] Like, look, this Chris Brown dude who beat up that Rionic, he's sort of making a comeback, you know?

[794] It's like all these award shows and shit, and apparently he's super talented and a great singer.

[795] And some people that are accepting it, some people not.

[796] And like, look at this Michael Vick thing.

[797] Michael Vick killed a bunch of dogs and his back playing.

[798] You can't tell me this is the same world that I grew up in.

[799] Because this is a different world.

[800] This is a different world.

[801] This is a stranger world.

[802] People are getting away with more.

[803] People are more forgiving because more people are fucking up and doing weird or creepier shit.

[804] Because of the internet and stuff, man. The bar is going higher and higher.

[805] People are doing more deviant shit.

[806] So they're like, well, let's not be so hard on that guy.

[807] Because maybe I want to fucking try some of that weird shit or whatever.

[808] Don't you think that people have bounced back from shit that they could have never bounced back from before?

[809] you know sports i yeah i think michael vick is definitely something that wouldn't have happened 25 years ago i'm i'm shocked but i mean when you're that like yeah i think the morals of the our entire cultures have just been eroded a little bit like yeah i don't think that would have been acceptable in the in the early ages it doesn't seem like it would it's it's it's also you have a guy that talented too who can you know but yeah i just i don't i don't think money overrode everything 25 years ago.

[810] Could you imagine if Clinton was in office today?

[811] Oh, man. Could you imagine all the Twitter messages that like interns would be throwing back and forth?

[812] Because he would get busted for sure, wait, if he was in office today.

[813] Yeah, yeah.

[814] Think about all the crazy shit that dude did.

[815] So many more avenues of him, like, yeah.

[816] He was always my proof.

[817] You know, like when he got his dick sucked by that chick, I was always like, God damn and I fucking knew it I knew it I knew they have to be crazy to get in there you can't really be that guy you're selling man you can't you're not gonna have the kind of energy I mean everybody likes blow jobs though man yeah yeah yeah everybody likes blow jobs but Clinton would just whip his dick out on people he would just get alone with girls would just whip his dick out really?

[818] Yeah was he that out of control oh he was a maniac he's a fucking savage God bless him yeah he's just one of those dudes just couldn't help swing I can't help a swing I saw the pitch there comes he just loved it yeah I mean there were a lot of chicks doing that to him could you imagine if he existed during the you know the days of today of Wienergate fuck yeah it could have been set up I bet he liked to get drunk I bet he liked to get drunk and bang state troopers like hot police troopers yeah you know how hot would that be the back of a police car there's a lot of girls there's a lot of girls I bet his pussy output tripled after that Monica Lewinsky thing because there's a lot of girls that just want to let him know and then keep their mouth shutless and I know you had that problem with Monica but you know and she's a little girl and it's not me and I'm a grown woman and I know what I want and what I want is you and I don't need anything other than you in my mouth and that's the end of it and he was like we said enough he was just dropping loads on dresses and shit he wasn't even insisting insisting she'd get rid of the evidence maybe this could make people in another part of the world with my DNA we can't have that He seemed to be a good president, Bill.

[819] Yeah, he was a freak, though.

[820] Sticking fucking cigars and bitch's pussy.

[821] That's so funny.

[822] I don't know if he was a good president, man. I don't know.

[823] I don't know.

[824] Maybe when he was in...

[825] Maybe he was on the show, the writers had it written in a more happy, friendly way.

[826] I thought you were insinuating he did your podcast.

[827] Did you imagine?

[828] He was on the show.

[829] Let's start a lobby to get him on the show.

[830] I am the president for eight years.

[831] I am the president for eight years.

[832] Yeah, da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da.

[833] And it was...

[834] for the most part.

[835] I think he was kind of the last good guy in there.

[836] I mean, there's only been...

[837] Buzzy, though?

[838] Was he?

[839] I don't know.

[840] Obama's probably a good guy.

[841] I don't know if any of them are good guys.

[842] I don't...

[843] I'm not sure what I believe anymore.

[844] You got to do some fucked up shit to get that far.

[845] Yeah, I don't think you could be just some regular fucking dude with some unique ideas and get all the way to be president.

[846] You have to compromise yourself so deeply along the line.

[847] And obviously, I've done no research whatsoever to substantiating any of these claims.

[848] Makes sense, though.

[849] This is just talking shit at 10 o 'clock in the evening, you know, after being.

[850] in the hot sun all day and barely able to talk um i don't know i don't believe it though do you believe it oh that like a good guy can make it this far now do you think how much you have to say do they ultimately have agree to letting unspeakable things happen on the regular yeah i mean you have how much say do you think you have do you think oh it's like you'd even rewrite the script yeah you'd like you want to get your head on off like john f kennedy Well, a lot of people don't believe that that's the case.

[851] A lot of people believe that it was Lee Harvey Oswald and he got lucky and that people make a big deal out of nothing.

[852] Yeah, maybe.

[853] Yeah.

[854] Maybe.

[855] I mean, you know, Kennedy, Martin Luther King, both Kennedy, I mean, it just seems like anybody who's kind of like steering us towards some decent change winds up with their fucking head blown off by a lone fucking crazy gunman.

[856] Even John Lennon, dude.

[857] Like, I mean, that dude could have started a revolution.

[858] He was like the, he was a really popular guy.

[859] Isn't it just so tempting to fall into the idea of conspiracy and collusion and it's very sexy.

[860] It's very tempting.

[861] But I mean, there's no, it doesn't seem like there's balance on the other side.

[862] Like, why didn't Nixon ever get shot?

[863] Or like, I mean, Reagan did, I guess that's a...

[864] You mean balance on the side?

[865] Yeah, Reagan did, man. He was one of the most raw, raw of all.

[866] But, like, I don't know.

[867] It seems like, you know, Gandhi.

[868] Like, there's no real, like, Dick Cheney didn't never got fucking shot.

[869] at.

[870] Because he was on team psycho.

[871] And is it possible that the psychos on...

[872] They're always going to beat the good guys.

[873] Yeah, they target the guys who are for peace and love and change.

[874] Of course.

[875] Right.

[876] Yeah.

[877] But they went after Reagan.

[878] I wonder, Reagan might have been, uh, maybe that was a random thing.

[879] Maybe that really wasn't planned because he didn't die.

[880] Or maybe they were just sending them a message.

[881] I remember that.

[882] I remember watching that on TV going, God damn, they shot that actor dude who's now the president.

[883] Somebody has a joke about...

[884] I was a little kid, you know?

[885] Him and Leslie...

[886] Like, if he never became president, he would have the same career that Leslie Nielsen had.

[887] I forget who's fucking joke it is.

[888] Oh, that's brilliant.

[889] It's so true.

[890] Bedtime for Bonzo.

[891] Did you ever see that?

[892] I don't know.

[893] I mean, I'm familiar with it.

[894] Yeah, yeah.

[895] He did a couple.

[896] Wasn't there?

[897] There's a couple Bonzo movies, aren't there?

[898] I think so.

[899] I don't know.

[900] I don't know.

[901] I watched like five seconds of it and go, what the fuck is going on?

[902] More than one monkey movie.

[903] It just shouldn't be legal that if you're a person who is a professional pretender that you go on to be the guy who tells the truth to the nation.

[904] That just seems ridiculous.

[905] If you're like really awesome at lying.

[906] Yeah, well, it was just like, I don't think, now him, I don't think he made one decision the whole time.

[907] I think there were people, there was, like Dick Cheney was telling him what to say.

[908] Like, there was a commission of fucking assholes and we're like, all right, this is what we're doing.

[909] Here's the script.

[910] You're an actor, act!

[911] You know what I loved?

[912] He kicked him out through the door.

[913] He's responsible for, one little speech that is one of my favorite speeches of any president because he talks about how would we respond if we were all on this earth facing a threat from another world?

[914] How would we respond?

[915] How quickly would we forget our differences?

[916] I'm like damn, that's brilliant.

[917] It's so true.

[918] It's a great speech.

[919] And it makes you go, what the fuck does he know?

[920] Well, yeah, he was really into the fucking Star Wars shit too.

[921] Like he wanted to make that, you know, that missile defense system started.

[922] Like maybe the alien So we're like, hey, man, we're going to fuck with you guys soon.

[923] I don't know.

[924] Who knows what's going on with all that?

[925] Did he George Lucas during the Star Wars thing go, hey, this was copyright infringement.

[926] Did he?

[927] Why were they allowed to call it Star Wars program?

[928] I guess because they're not.

[929] They're allowed to do anything they want.

[930] I don't know.

[931] They're a government.

[932] But they're not doing it for like profit.

[933] Yeah.

[934] You know, it's a defense.

[935] You know, there's some big conspiracy theory about people who, who created Star Wars, that the strategic defense system, Star Wars, that it was all bullshit, and that the scientists, one by one, have been killed off.

[936] Apparently, 22 different scientists who worked on it were killed in strange ways.

[937] Are you serious?

[938] Sificiation, suffocation, decapitation, decapitation, death leap, death leap, shotgun blast, missing person, auto accident, over and over again, all these different scientists.

[939] I don't want this knowledge.

[940] According to the internet.

[941] Oh.

[942] I don't know if it's corroborated by more than one dude.

[943] Listen, man, I did first thing I went to on Google.

[944] Then I'm going to regurgitate that as fact.

[945] Just go for it, dude.

[946] They're all 22, 22 SDI researchers all supposedly committed suicide.

[947] That's a good question.

[948] But 22 period.

[949] That's a lot.

[950] Let's say if there's a hundred.

[951] If comedians started dying like that, I'd fucking skip town.

[952] Yeah, that would be gross.

[953] Would be hundreds?

[954] How many people you would think that would be?

[955] what that if they uh if they did that if they started killing comedians yeah oh i was just saying if 22 comedians died in suspicious ways i would fucking you know that's a that's too big of a number for one but i'd get a puppet immediately out of all the um i'd get a puppet immediately out of all the scientists that were involved no i'm sorry my question was you think there was like 300 guys like how many different guys do you think were working for this star wars company was it a thousand i mean people with like yeah i would say thousands but that would be from this janitor 22 killers themselves, man. Yeah.

[956] Or just this.

[957] It becomes, as the number becomes bigger and bigger, it becomes more and more silly.

[958] You start looking at it and you go, well, if there was a million scientists, 22 killed themselves.

[959] But there's not a bunch of them, like, there wouldn't be that many that had like crazy, not everybody has, like, crazy security levels.

[960] Like, you wouldn't have to kill everybody.

[961] Like, every guy that's screwed in a fucking light bulb.

[962] Maybe you would, though.

[963] Because maybe what was going on was so fucking obvious you had a clean house.

[964] This is the conspiracy theory during me. step back and do my Alex Jones voice what we've got here is a situation where special ops what they're doing is they're victimizing innocent people that's fucking good man thank you I mean did you hear like 100 % of the scientists that created Crystal Pepsi died shut the fuck could you imagine if that is true though what if they're we know there's 22 scientists that died we need to find out how many there were make a documentary.

[965] Did you hear about the Collider thing?

[966] I should go to Snopes for all this is what I should do.

[967] The guy that's from the future that was arrested at the Collider last week.

[968] What?

[969] Yeah, some guy was arrested at the, what's it called the Hydrogen?

[970] Large Hadron Collider.

[971] Yeah, he was arrested because I don't know why he was doing, but he said he was from the future.

[972] Oh, what a dummy.

[973] Oh, that's funny.

[974] Was he just crazy or was he from the future?

[975] I don't know.

[976] I just saw the headline.

[977] What a goofy fuck.

[978] That would be so that's a funny idea.

[979] Show up there in a silver suit.

[980] Yeah.

[981] You just have to ask him a few more questions, and it would be pretty clear.

[982] Oh, you come from the future.

[983] Okay.

[984] What I'm about to do?

[985] There was one guy who had a website.

[986] There was a, fuck, I forget the scam.

[987] T -Tor somewhere.

[988] I think they were calling themselves something T -T -T -T -R from the future.

[989] They had this whole John T -T -T -T -O -R and some whole thing about how he described, how the civilization was going to fall apart and he had come from the future to write the fuck out here man just stop John Titor yeah whatever it is it's just you really think that someone came from the fucking future and came back to the past you really think that it's just that's what time travel is going to be like yeah it was Nicholas Cage you see that shit now they're saying that that Nicholas Cage is a time traveler because there's a photo or something of no John Cusack bro huh no they have Nicholas Cage they have John Cusack because he never looks any older.

[990] Oh, you know what?

[991] I'm sorry.

[992] No, not even John Cusack.

[993] The other dude from the Matrix.

[994] Keanu Reeves.

[995] Keanu Reeves.

[996] Keanu Reeves.

[997] They have him in the time machine.

[998] They always say that he's a vampire.

[999] Oh, really?

[1000] He never gets old.

[1001] Yeah, he's beautiful man. It's like 50.

[1002] Johnny Depp's holding up okay.

[1003] He's holding up pretty goddamn good.

[1004] Is that like they both have kind of Indian blood in them, right?

[1005] You know what that's from?

[1006] Fresh pussy.

[1007] Like vampires.

[1008] Like vampires.

[1009] The pussy that's constantly swan diving under their cock every time they poke it out the house for some air.

[1010] Put it through their mail slot.

[1011] Nicholas Cage might be a vampire Or so one believer says Oh there's a photo From an old -ass photo that looks like Nicholas Cage Yeah, it's creepy Wow, that's pretty dope I was removed He's in a movie called Vampire's Kiss That's pretty funny He's the ghost rider, bro Did you see ghost rider?

[1012] Never saw that.

[1013] Is that good?

[1014] No, it's terrible But it's good if you're high And you know it's terrible If you're like ready for a terrible fucking ghost motorcycle superhero movie.

[1015] Yeah.

[1016] You have little girls, right?

[1017] Yeah.

[1018] Did you ever watch The Tooth Fairy With The Rock?

[1019] The Tooth Fairy The Rock.

[1020] No, I missed that one.

[1021] That's, I watched that, man. Why did you watch that?

[1022] Because it was like late, I took mushrooms with my friend And it was just that kind of like After, we're done tripping, but we're still like, you know, up and hanging out.

[1023] And that was coming on HBO and we're like, fuck it, let's watch it.

[1024] It's probably good for a few laughs.

[1025] And we had to uh we had to rewind it like 40 minutes in because we couldn't follow what was going like it's baffling like there's so many holes in it like he has this relationship with this woman but you don't know if they're married and there's these kids it's weird like you don't know his relationship to the it's not his wife and kids but like he's hanging around there and he never kisses the woman and and then he somehow like it's never really clear on why he turns into a tooth fairy like he says something like yeah the tooth fairy's bullshit kid like at one point and then all of a sudden he's like in this weird tooth fairy land and he's got to be the tooth fairy it's kind of like it's oh it sounds awesome and then Billy Crystal makes an appearance and I totally called it like because he like goes through tooth fairy training you know learns how to fly all fucking bumping in shit there's a tooth fairy training well yeah it's like yeah it's like you know where's where's tooth fairy land in his brain he probably just got hit on the head or something and this was all in his head.

[1026] That was really the plot?

[1027] Yeah, yeah.

[1028] And then he turns into the tooth fairy and then like we're watching it and it's like and I was like all right Billy Crystal's old Jew character is going to make an appearance or Whoopi Goldberg or like somebody like that and then fucking right there Billy Crystal comes down this ladder like okay hold your horses hold you and he gives him like some books on how to be a tooth fairy and then he like turns into the tooth fairy randomly like he'll be at a you know out in public and the wings just spurred out I feel like I'm losing momentum with trying to sell the shitty movie you've got me in a trance you got me in a trance that sounds ridiculous it's really absurd but when you have kids you understand ridiculous it'll keep them quiet man oh it keeps moving but there's no there aren't a lot of dots connected we're like wait how do we get from here it's like oh you just needed to it from here to here.

[1029] And you just did it.

[1030] And so you just put some thing in the middle.

[1031] Yeah.

[1032] Yeah, it's really like...

[1033] Now I'm going to see it.

[1034] And I'm going to be waiting for that.

[1035] I want to be waiting for the hole.

[1036] Oh, it's riddle.

[1037] Are you doing something like that?

[1038] I'm trying to open another root beer barrel, but I can't figure out how.

[1039] Oh, you silly, silly man. Can't figure out.

[1040] We've got to change these microphones.

[1041] These microphones are too goddamn sensitive.

[1042] You're doing it down by your deck and we're hearing it as if you're crackling, right?

[1043] Yeah, I know.

[1044] Sorry.

[1045] These are the bags?

[1046] Yeah.

[1047] The volcano bags?

[1048] I gave up on that volcano Well most people shouldn't be trying to open A hard candy during a What did you say Brian?

[1049] That kind of mic would be worse though Oh really?

[1050] Yeah Because these are you're supposed to talk into it You know Yeah but these are picking up everything in the room dude That does at times a million No no no that's less That's less Brian those are more vocal mics Yeah it's less No we tried it Remember it picked up way less ambient noise That's our next move as we expand We're gonna move this thing out too I'm gonna get an office space At the ice house right Well we're gonna do that too we're going to do that too but what we're going to do what the ice house is we want to set it up so that comics getting off stage and going on stage can have a little different podcast not my podcast but we're going to call it like an evening at the ice house right have it's just whatever comic is there you know within reason they host it or whatever yeah whoever's there whoever's there yeah Brian's in town he'll sit on it whoever the fuck is in town and we just you know keep rotating comics like I'll get off state yeah it'd be awesome it'll be great for all of us that'll be a lot of fun No, that whole night with the stuff that you and Al were talking about, it's exciting.

[1051] It's great, right?

[1052] Yeah.

[1053] We want to go there.

[1054] There's a place of the Ice House in Pasadena.

[1055] It's this really cool old club that's been around for like 35 years.

[1056] And they have this little tiny room.

[1057] They just have like the 50th anniversary.

[1058] Wow, that's insane.

[1059] That's the oldest one, right?

[1060] Yeah.

[1061] That's insane.

[1062] The mother's brothers in shape performed there.

[1063] God damn.

[1064] There's a lot of albums recorded there.

[1065] Like if you were at a thrift store and go through old comedy albums.

[1066] That's amazing.

[1067] It's a great, great club.

[1068] And there's two rooms.

[1069] There's the big room, which is very, small.

[1070] It's only 185 people.

[1071] And then there's the, somewhere around there, right?

[1072] 185, 190, some like that.

[1073] Perfect size room, by the way.

[1074] Amazing set up.

[1075] It's amazing setup.

[1076] And then there's another room.

[1077] It's really small.

[1078] It's only like 85 people.

[1079] It's 90.

[1080] 90 people?

[1081] And we've been doing that.

[1082] We've been doing some sets there.

[1083] And Brendan and I and Brian and we have one Friday.

[1084] Al Magical came down and Ari went up.

[1085] And you guys have one this Friday, too?

[1086] We have it every Friday.

[1087] Yeah.

[1088] And we're going to start doing that a regular basis.

[1089] And as soon as I'm done with this Fear Factor stuff, which should be pretty soon.

[1090] Then we're going to move forward in different dynamic podcast directions.

[1091] So we'll call it an evening at the ice house or something along those lines.

[1092] Did we ever talk about that?

[1093] Remember when we brought up how David Letterman's social security number was on the wall?

[1094] And we went there like the following day.

[1095] Yeah, we don't know whether or not that really is still his social security number, where they changed it.

[1096] Well, they put it back up.

[1097] I was there.

[1098] They put it back up?

[1099] Did they block it out?

[1100] Yeah, they made a copy of it and it looks like the real one or they did something.

[1101] It's gone now, though.

[1102] Well, we pointed it out to them where, like, you know, you can see David Letterman's social security number on this contract, and they were like, no way.

[1103] Like, yeah.

[1104] Oh, there's a picture of his contract?

[1105] Yeah, yeah.

[1106] Like, looky, we paid him.

[1107] Oh, okay, near the bathroom.

[1108] Yes, yes.

[1109] There were a couple different ones.

[1110] Okay.

[1111] Yeah, and that one actually has a social security number on it.

[1112] That's insane.

[1113] Yeah, it's ridiculous.

[1114] It steals his identity.

[1115] Yeah.

[1116] Well, that's what Brian already did.

[1117] He's trying to, like, disguise all this.

[1118] Can you do that shit?

[1119] Oh, okay.

[1120] like viruses and shit I assume anybody who knows anything about computers can like hack it in all my shit because I don't know anything I'm really naive I could do dumb shit you know like just tricky shit but not really There's kids right now that are growing up from the time they're little kids they've been fucking with hacking into the registry and fucking with things and reading on forums and finding out how to do things and working on coding and there's wizards out there's wizards out there man. They speak a language that we can't even fucking wrap our heads around.

[1121] There was a documentary on one small area.

[1122] I think it was of Russia.

[1123] I forget what Eastern Bloc country it was, but they had this one town where they have a disproportionate amount of internet scammers and virus makers and people stealing credit card numbers.

[1124] And they were all just driving Mercedes back and full.

[1125] Really?

[1126] Yeah, all these computer people.

[1127] They just fucking hacked the Matrix.

[1128] It found like an area like where oil would come up.

[1129] We drilled into and then oil was coming up in their one spot.

[1130] It's amazing, you know.

[1131] Wow.

[1132] And it's all just identity theft and shit.

[1133] Oh, there's a lot of that going on, for sure.

[1134] There's a lot of, I mean, cyber crime.

[1135] I would like to know the statistics of what, you know, what has happened since the Internet existed?

[1136] Like, is crime up, is crime down?

[1137] What kind of crime is more prevalent now that there's, you know, little on -wine things that can rip people off?

[1138] Yeah, probably some, like, I don't know.

[1139] You're not leaving a paper.

[1140] trail with anything so if you just go in and move numbers from one place to another it just would scare the fucking shit out of me to think that you would have anything important online you know yeah i'm pretty i mean i guess that's one good thing of not really being a techie like i don't get excited about i don't have anything somebody could steal my laptop tomorrow and they wouldn't really know any more about me than if they stole one of my notebooks yeah i always look at websites that are up and i said these are only up because someone didn't target you that's it right it's not like you could do anything about it.

[1141] What are you going to do about it?

[1142] You're not going to do shit.

[1143] It's like there's a wild west out there in some ways.

[1144] I mean, they can track some people down if they're really sloppy and they find out people that do certain things that shouldn't be doing.

[1145] But for the most part, it's pretty fucking crazy.

[1146] Well, those guys, like the anonymous and lulls sec. Yeah.

[1147] I was pretty amused by what they were doing.

[1148] It's fascinating, right?

[1149] It is pretty scary where it's like, oh, fuck.

[1150] Those guys, like, if they can fuck with Sony for like a week, What could they do to me?

[1151] They're putting some of those dudes in jail, though.

[1152] It's going to be an interesting story.

[1153] You're going to get fucking, you don't get away with that kind of shit.

[1154] This is going to be like a bad...

[1155] Government agencies.

[1156] Yeah.

[1157] It's going to be a badass documentary that we'll be able to watch in like 10 years.

[1158] Yeah.

[1159] Like, have you ever watched a documentary on the weather underground?

[1160] Yeah, I saw it.

[1161] Radical hippie movement in the 60s.

[1162] Wanted to get rid of the government and some fascinating fucking documentary.

[1163] That's what this is going to be like.

[1164] Yeah.

[1165] You know, a decade from now when we're even more oppressed, we'll look back at the time that the internet almost rose against before the instituted the censorship on the internet that would really lock everything down that would either lock everything down or cause a civil war that would be the final push if the government regulated the internet the way the FCC regulates television or the way they regulate radio or anything if they like told you what you couldn't put out there because that's where it all got out of hand everything was doing great until the 80s and the 90s came along and all of a sudden people were getting their information from different places yeah they were getting it from a fucking computer but with that wiki leaks guy i mean aren't they essentially like it's like you can't really put whatever you want out there well they locked that guy up and they gave that guy some sort of a house arrest deal where he had to show up at the police station and check himself in every day and from what i understand he's trying to fight being extradited he doesn't want to have to leave the country i don't i have no idea what the fuck happened.

[1166] But I do think that I don't believe that this would happen this way if he wasn't that guy.

[1167] I think it seems pretty obvious that someone's targeting him.

[1168] It doesn't seem kosher to me. I mean, I don't believe she's even saying it was really rape.

[1169] It was by some really broad definition of rape, like regret afterwards or something like the feeling of being deceived or something along those lines.

[1170] She changed her mind when he was finishing up or whatever.

[1171] Something along those lines, right?

[1172] And he was already inside of her, and he didn't want to stop or something.

[1173] But he was already, like, on the run, like, he was already wanted, and, you know, when all that happened, I thought.

[1174] Was he?

[1175] Yeah.

[1176] It's just fascinating how, you know, you're not allowed to release information unless you're the New York Times or CNN or an established news organization slash corporation that we can trust.

[1177] You're not allowed to just release that.

[1178] So, because, like, the real question, would come up, well, what would the New York Times do if it was given that information?

[1179] If it was given all the WikiLeaks documents and if someone came along and said, listen, here's a gigantic file, you're going to fucking shit your pants.

[1180] This is all a bunch of shit that I took from, you know, U .S. data banks, and it's going to blow the hole on this whole Iraq war thing.

[1181] There's a lot of things in it that's going to really disturb the shit out of people when they find out about real relationships between, you know, different foreign countries and different things that we're doing and all sorts of different parts of the world.

[1182] What do you think would happen?

[1183] I don't think that would get released through a real mainstream New York Times would go get the fuck out of here.

[1184] We're not releasing this.

[1185] They'd give it back to the government?

[1186] I think, yeah.

[1187] Because it wasn't their property?

[1188] Is that, is that a law?

[1189] I just, I think that they're dealing with, like, a business so that they don't want to fuck up.

[1190] Would it be stolen information?

[1191] So there would be illegal contraband or something along those lines, because it's top secret.

[1192] I think the government would just come and confiscate it.

[1193] Somebody would call somebody and the government would be like, Like, you have a lot, we're sending someone right down.

[1194] Yeah.

[1195] And then just like...

[1196] Is that ever going to change?

[1197] Is that ever going to get to the point where that doesn't happen anymore?

[1198] Is that like a remnant of the old days that's, like, slowly starting to work its way out to the point where, you know, police aren't going to have, like, that kind of absolute power?

[1199] Is that possible?

[1200] Uh, I don't think so.

[1201] Really?

[1202] No. It's going to get worse, right?

[1203] Is it get worse as the population increases?

[1204] It's like that or well quote of, like, the future, you know, if you, like, like, if you, like, If you want to picture of the future, imagine a boot standing on somebody's neck forever.

[1205] Something like that.

[1206] Well, Orwell was a drag.

[1207] Yeah, he was.

[1208] You're getting high with Orwell?

[1209] Dude, you are fucking killing me with this boot neck thing.

[1210] Why don't you just go to a massage par?

[1211] You're jerked off.

[1212] You know, just a wonderful feeling of warm oil on your balls and just, oh, just sweet release.

[1213] You don't have to think about boots and necks.

[1214] We're well, it's not all boots and necks, you fucking dramatic cock sucker.

[1215] Well, I mean, he wrote animal, fuck.

[1216] farm in 1984.

[1217] Oh, he was brilliant.

[1218] In like the 40s.

[1219] When I say dramatic cocksocker, I mean, it with all due respect.

[1220] He actually predicted a lot of shit that went down that, you know, it's like essentially science fiction at the time, you know.

[1221] It's amazing, you know.

[1222] It's amazing.

[1223] I mean, these internet, essentially, I mean, you could argue that, you know, that screen that everybody had in their apartments in 1984.

[1224] Was 1984 supposed to be the year where this, this story took place?

[1225] Is that what the premise is?

[1226] Isn't it amazing when you look back like on space 1999?

[1227] They thought that by 1999 we'd be like fucking living on other planets.

[1228] Oh, in 2010.

[1229] You know, 2010 was the year they made contact, right?

[1230] And 2001 a space odyssey.

[1231] Yeah.

[1232] That's like...

[1233] 2010, they thought this is ridiculously far in the future.

[1234] Yeah, yeah.

[1235] This is so far in the future that we're never going to have to worry about that.

[1236] We'll just make our money now and we'll probably be right when 2001 rose along.

[1237] Oh, nothing.

[1238] Yeah.

[1239] No, no fucking space travel at all.

[1240] I don't know, though, man. Like, I was at...

[1241] That's the one area, though, where we grossly overestimated how far we would advance.

[1242] Well, there's unmanned space shit out there.

[1243] And there's the space station with people on it right now.

[1244] Yeah, yeah, yeah, but space 1999, they were living on fucking, they were shooting lasers at people.

[1245] They were like jets in cars and yeah, yeah.

[1246] I mean, when Space 1999, didn't they have battles with like other, like, fucking aliens?

[1247] and shit?

[1248] I'm pretty sure they did.

[1249] Probably.

[1250] I'm pretty sure they did.

[1251] Oh, yeah, no, that was the future.

[1252] That's a print song, bitch.

[1253] What's a ridiculous?

[1254] Base in 1999.

[1255] Those smart cars are pretty futuristic looking.

[1256] Well, you know, Obama just passed some new legislation saying that by, I think it's 2025, that the average miles per gallon of a car has to be some insane number.

[1257] It's like 50 plus miles per gallon.

[1258] And that's what's going to be the standard average per corporation.

[1259] Like you could have one stupid car.

[1260] Like you can have one Mustang, you know, GT with a fucking giant engine that eats gas.

[1261] Yeah.

[1262] As long as you had a slew of electric cars, you got like 90 miles to get on and sort of balanced it out for the Mustang.

[1263] Yeah, it's kind of interesting.

[1264] Did you ever see that documentary who killed the electric car?

[1265] Yes, I did.

[1266] Oh, it was pretty interesting.

[1267] Fascinating.

[1268] Yeah.

[1269] I mean, they had a pretty decent electric car, it's seen back in like 86.

[1270] Yeah.

[1271] And then they reaped, they just took them all and destroyed them?

[1272] That's fishy.

[1273] Yeah, yeah.

[1274] Well, I mean, conspiracies are real, man. Enron, the smartest men in the room.

[1275] Do you ever watch that documentary?

[1276] Conspiracies are fucking real.

[1277] Okay, yeah, they definitely went to war because I'm looking on Space 1999 in Wikipedia.

[1278] Was that a show?

[1279] Someone was shooting lasers at them.

[1280] Yeah.

[1281] Yeah, Space 1999.

[1282] You didn't know that was a show?

[1283] I thought maybe it was like, oh, when I was saying that, it was a show that I used to watch when I was a kid.

[1284] Oh, no, I thought it was a show.

[1285] Yeah, I was launched on that.

[1286] Oh, my God.

[1287] Just like the idea of the future.

[1288] Really, they were so optimistic.

[1289] This is how crazy they were.

[1290] Because we had just gone to the moon, you know, supposedly.

[1291] And it's 1975.

[1292] So did they just stop the Apollo program in 72?

[1293] So in 1999, they thought we would be fucking going to war.

[1294] But there was only 20 years.

[1295] Yeah, yeah.

[1296] They were only guessing 24 years in the future.

[1297] In 24 years, they thought, well, dude, we finally landed on the moon.

[1298] Remember when we invented cars?

[1299] Now look what we drive.

[1300] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1301] They finally ended on the moon, listen, dude.

[1302] By the time 1999 rolls around, we're going to be going to battle in space.

[1303] These fucking people were living in uniforms, they had outfits and shit.

[1304] That was the other hallmark of the future.

[1305] Everybody wore the same clothes.

[1306] That's how you knew it was the future.

[1307] You know, future or aliens.

[1308] You know, they're all wearing the same clothes.

[1309] Yeah.

[1310] Well, I mean, Walmart.

[1311] That is a fascinating thing.

[1312] They're just not all matching silver jumpsuits.

[1313] Most people were getting clothes from the same four places, probably.

[1314] old navy it's amazing that they missed so badly 1999 they were so optimistic you know 2001 so optimistic yeah a lot of things got it right though like that old uh ride at walt disney road uh you know in the future where it was like a thing where you just sat there and watched like what the future is supposed to be like if you look at it now it's pretty pretty crazy how similar it is do you remember alien you remember the nostromo when they're when they're in their ship and he's working on the computer it looks so fucking bad.

[1315] Oh, yeah, that's funny.

[1316] I love that when they...

[1317] This shit computer you have.

[1318] What is this piece of shit with it's green fucking letters?

[1319] It's green, you know, lit up letters.

[1320] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1321] It looks so stupid.

[1322] And the printer paper still has the holes on the side of it.

[1323] I don't know.

[1324] This is the year 3000.

[1325] Kirk out.

[1326] He didn't even have a cell phone, right?

[1327] He had walkie -talkies.

[1328] But the Nistromo, the fucking computer, man. They missed so badly.

[1329] But there's like, now we're at a point where we can imitate shit.

[1330] They can predict things a little.

[1331] Like I think, you know, it seems like a lot of the...

[1332] The top cruise, what was that movie?

[1333] Minority report.

[1334] That shit is sort of coming into the line.

[1335] I've seen that shit in other movies too, so maybe that's the way things are headed.

[1336] When I swipe my iPhone, when I'm going through like contacts or when I'm going through email, I think, I think of it that way.

[1337] I'm like, this is amazing.

[1338] These things are amazing.

[1339] I'm sliding this thing back and forth with my fingers.

[1340] And then iPad, the same thing.

[1341] I read books on the iPad.

[1342] And when you turn the page, you slowly slide your finger and slowly curls the page over and then rolls to the next page.

[1343] Like, whoa, this is some freaky fucking futuristic shit.

[1344] We're getting it right now.

[1345] Like, I went to a concert a couple weeks ago, and you just look, I went to smoke a cigarette and was like looking at the whole crowd in the Hollywood Bowl.

[1346] And you just see all these little light up things.

[1347] Yeah.

[1348] And it's like, that's kind of crazy, man. Like, and it happened so quickly.

[1349] It's amazing.

[1350] 10 years ago, you didn't see...

[1351] I was typing an email today and I was on the iPhone and I just was just thinking about how crazy it is and you can just touch these little spots.

[1352] I think about that a lot.

[1353] It knows pretty much what letter you're trying to say and then you can just swipe your finger and it spins through all your pictures and spins through all your music.

[1354] This is nuts, man. This is so specific too.

[1355] It's so, like, accurate.

[1356] Joe, you got to try out this thing called Spotify.

[1357] It's kind of like Rhapsody.

[1358] It's all you can eat, any kind of music.

[1359] you know, for $10, you get, you know, all the music you want, pretty much thing.

[1360] So for $10 one -time fee?

[1361] No, every month, $10 a month.

[1362] $10 a month of music.

[1363] Yeah, but you sit there and you just have access to pretty much any song ever.

[1364] Loss is mine.

[1365] It is, I don't really understand the service, but yeah, you can, like, for $10 a month, you could put in, like, Rolling Stones, and every Rolling Stones song will come up, and you can download them.

[1366] But what's cool is, whoever has it connected to their Facebook, like a lot of your friends, like Duncan is a perfect example.

[1367] you can see his whole entire music like what he likes what he listens to so you can just like if you're looking for new music you just go see what's Joe Adia is looking at and you just like look at all his music it's pretty cool I would try it out but you can download their music too and you can also download it on your phone and you can put it on an iPhone you put it on an iPod and you keep it?

[1368] Well the thing is the Spotify it's like your iTunes but it's held at some servers yeah but I think there's a way to also download the tracks so like if you have a offline mode.

[1369] So like if you just pick what things you want, it will download the checks onto your iPhone.

[1370] That's annoying.

[1371] It's pretty cool.

[1372] I would want it on my iPod.

[1373] I want it on my hard drive.

[1374] I want a physical...

[1375] I think you can do that.

[1376] Really?

[1377] Yeah, I think so.

[1378] As long as you do that.

[1379] Yeah, you can put it on your computer, your iPad, your phone.

[1380] You doesn't have to be connected to the internet to use it.

[1381] No, you could download it.

[1382] You have to be connected to the internet at some point.

[1383] You know what I mean?

[1384] Yeah, to get it.

[1385] To get the music.

[1386] Right, right.

[1387] And do you just like refresh and it just...

[1388] It just saves it onto your device.

[1389] device.

[1390] Oh, okay.

[1391] So it is just like downloading it.

[1392] Yeah.

[1393] I'm confused.

[1394] I thought you were saying you can't like burn it a CD and like I think it might have some kind of time trap like it like it only lasts a certain amount time.

[1395] Yeah like it has Oh really?

[1396] I don't know.

[1397] I don't know what I don't know.

[1398] I think you just want to make that up Ryan.

[1399] No I think that's how it works though.

[1400] I think it has to check for subscription once in a while or something.

[1401] Oh that's annoying.

[1402] But uh...

[1403] So as long as your prescriptions up?

[1404] But you know what's good?

[1405] You can keep your car.

[1406] You know what's good?

[1407] It's in your car.

[1408] You're driving around going.

[1409] That's all annoying, man. When you got it, you got it, right?

[1410] I keep an iPhone or an iPod always charged up.

[1411] I always listen to my car.

[1412] I hardly ever listen to the radio anymore.

[1413] I just listen to my iPod.

[1414] It connects to my car.

[1415] It's amazing.

[1416] You can just choose whatever music.

[1417] But all I have to do is just, like, sync it back and forth between my computers.

[1418] I don't want to go online and just fucking register and pay $10 a month to use it.

[1419] I buy the CD on iTunes.

[1420] I buy the MP3s.

[1421] That's good for me. I don't want any of that craziness.

[1422] I have satellite in my car And I like it because I've been turned On to a lot of new music that I wouldn't have heard There's one station in particular Like I like that indie kind of rock shit I like rap too Like indie like 90s indie rock a lot And like you know like pavement shit like that Like what do they sing me a song Well I mean I don't know Like Dinosaur Jr, you're familiar with any of them I was in a radio station once WAAF in Boston and one of the dudes from Dinosaur Jr., what is it, Mascus, what is it?

[1423] Jay Mascus, sang a song, like right there and it was a real creepy, like, acoustic song.

[1424] I'm like, wow, what a weird dude this guy is.

[1425] I mean, this guy's some fucking crazy, creepy, weird genius dude.

[1426] They are.

[1427] I mean, it's a certain genre, like, well, like Nirvana came out of that too.

[1428] Really?

[1429] Yeah, it's like the Melvins and fucking...

[1430] But is Nirvana, like, if you talk about like that kind of music you want, like if you say Nirvana do they think oh you're all mainstream um no no because i mean nirvana like naturally happened that came from like they wanted to be as big as sonic youth or dinosaur junior and just they just wrote songs way too good and fucking just got huge they reinvented things they changed the face of everything they fucked hair bands and vanilla ice and MC Hammer those guys were they got pounded on boom yeah like where did this come from there's all this truth and pain and reality dude screaming rape me rape me again and it's a great song oh yeah I mean rape me is a great fucking song and it played on the radio you know just just wrap your head around that imagine trying to put that out today rape me a song called rape me people would freak the fuck out they wouldn't want to play that in the radio too many people would be complaining yeah this guy went on stage or in the UFC this weekend there was a controversy these two fighters went out to controversial songs and one of them was he went out to smack my bitch up.

[1431] Okay.

[1432] And so this writer was complaining that was, yes.

[1433] They wrote an article on Yahoo about how it was insensitive to have that song and that song promotes violence against women.

[1434] That people might find it offensive.

[1435] And then the other song they complained about was the scorpions, rock you like a hurricane because obviously we're in New Orleans and New Orleans had been hit in New York.

[1436] But meanwhile, But you're watching two guys beating the shit out of each other.

[1437] Yeah, and when that song came on, I don't think people thought that.

[1438] I didn't, I didn't even, I didn't even associate it with that until I read the article.

[1439] Some cunty little writer fucking wanted to cause a stir.

[1440] Do you know how funny it is that you just said that?

[1441] Because I got in trouble for calling this very writer cunty.

[1442] Really?

[1443] Yeah.

[1444] People are like you shouldn't use that word.

[1445] Sounds like cunty behavior.

[1446] I didn't.

[1447] I did not inform you of this beforehand.

[1448] We had no discussion.

[1449] There was no coercion on your part.

[1450] Ladies and gentlemen, nature finds its fucking course.

[1451] The other one was the scorpions, rocking like a hurricane.

[1452] When I heard that song, I didn't think, oh, no, he didn't.

[1453] A hurricane hit here and devastated the population.

[1454] That's just looking for shit to guys.

[1455] I thought, oh, it was a fucking jam.

[1456] Here I am.

[1457] That's a good thing to listen to before you're going to go get in a fist fight.

[1458] Yeah, it's a fucking good song, man. You can't not have that good song anymore.

[1459] It's not responsible for the hurricane.

[1460] Yeah.

[1461] Okay.

[1462] Now, if he played like Walking on Sunshine by Katrina in the Wave, Then that would be like, wait, why is he fucking playing this?

[1463] This doesn't go along with the sport.

[1464] I wonder if you'd be allowed to do that.

[1465] I wonder if Dana White would approve that.

[1466] Because he approves every song.

[1467] I think it's put in, and he approved.

[1468] By the way, Smack My Bitch, I was won like all these awards.

[1469] It's like, you know, it's in Charlie's Angels.

[1470] Smack My Bitch Up is in Charlie's Angels.

[1471] How does that go?

[1472] So it's like complaining.

[1473] Smack my bitch.

[1474] It's like this crazy, like, techno.

[1475] It's a really famous song.

[1476] You never heard it before?

[1477] I probably have.

[1478] The name's just not.

[1479] ringing a bell is it like the chemical brother it is the chemical brothers oh then I am familiar with it I have like all their stuff it's hilarious though that someone would complain about that like that seems like kind of silly you know of course complaining about anything silly are we nerfing the fucking world what is going on Brendan Walsh now I ask you this because you're a comic and you're also a fucking you know you go deep you push buttons you know you're uh you talk about crazy shit on stage.

[1480] It's fun.

[1481] It's my kind of comedy.

[1482] Good.

[1483] You know, when I saw you the other night at the Ice House, I was like, thank God, there's still guys doing that.

[1484] Oh, well, thanks, Joe.

[1485] That's flattering, man. It's true.

[1486] It's been really dirty.

[1487] The new stuff's kind of getting pretty dirty.

[1488] I love it.

[1489] Keep going.

[1490] Go deeper.

[1491] I was there.

[1492] I mean, I look, I'm a huge fan of stand -up comedy still, but it's not enough people are doing crazy shit.

[1493] Not enough people are going to the deep end of the pool.

[1494] Oh, cool.

[1495] Not enough people are just making fucked up things really funny.

[1496] There's a few.

[1497] There's a few.

[1498] But you were nailing a bunch of...

[1499] I don't want to do any of your material, but you were nailing a bunch of different subjects left and right.

[1500] I was like, this is really funny stuff, man. I enjoyed it.

[1501] That's awesome, dude.

[1502] Comedy's supposed to be kind of fucked up, man. The best stuff, when you've got a couple drinks in you, the best stuff, like, you know, like Nick DePaolo's one of my all -time favorite guys to watch when I got a little buzz on.

[1503] Oh, yeah.

[1504] Because he would have fake me. shit.

[1505] I mean, it was mean, but he's not a mean guy.

[1506] He's a nice guy.

[1507] He's a great guy.

[1508] He's just fucking, that's the style of comedy.

[1509] And he's going after it.

[1510] And it's, especially when you've got a buzz on, it's a fucking great art for him.

[1511] And by people complaining about a dude coming out to rock you like a hurricane, and by people trying to take some of the flavor out of the world, tone things down, they're ruining everything that's cool about life.

[1512] Yeah.

[1513] They're just A bunch of fucking unhappy pricks.

[1514] Yeah.

[1515] Knowing what's right and what's wrong.

[1516] Knowing when to let things go.

[1517] And when to put...

[1518] This is a big fucking...

[1519] It shows a big...

[1520] It's like prioritized shit.

[1521] Yeah.

[1522] If you're going to sit down and fucking like, you know, police Wikipedia on your fucking fucking own time just because somebody adds Jerry Seinfeld started directing adult films after whatever...

[1523] You know, like, if you're somebody who's, you know, policing Craigslist for, like, people trying to be funny or, gross on it.

[1524] Like, fuck's wrong with you, man. Like, there's a million other things you could be doing right now.

[1525] Yeah, and that needs to be illuminated, right?

[1526] It needs to be pointed at.

[1527] Like, why are you doing this?

[1528] Well, because, like, usually what they're doing.

[1529] I mean, I'm just speaking from experience of, like, I had a fake Yelp account where I would just complain about businesses that, oh no. Like, I took businesses that had, like, there was a car wash called the Handy J. And I wrote the review, like, I was expecting a hand job at the end of the car wash. and it's blatant false advertising and there's a restaurant called A Happy Ending on Sunset.

[1530] So either way it was just all written by this naive guy who was in a shitty marriage and he was just looking for a hand job and none of these places gave him hand jobs and his pink taco place in Arizona some guy beats the shit out of him because he tries to get his daughter to fuck I mean it was just a silly thing I was doing but it got taken down because I guess somebody you know complained or was monitoring yelp and I lost all of my fucking you didn't write them down anywhere again no I was like I that's before I even knew that you could do a screen grab like I just I think I well wasn't there a thing that you could do on the internet Brian where you could go back in time yeah not just that oh you could go and yeah yeah but that that probably is not on there I don't know this is a couple years ago how does that work what it does is it's it's just a program you know like a spider or a bot that that takes screenshots and kind of saves websites kind of archives websites called the internet archive and it works all stored at uh i don't know i think it's connected with some museum or something like that or some kind of weird like thing database but it it does it works like 70 % of the time like you can go to your old website from like 91 you know well i didn't have a website 91 or 92 or whatever it was 98 and uh you could see it and you know some things will work some photos will work some things where, you know.

[1531] That's wild.

[1532] That's wild.

[1533] That is weird.

[1534] My Pepsi spice projects on there somewhere.

[1535] Is it really?

[1536] Yeah.

[1537] That's hilarious.

[1538] Brian did a thing where he pretended that he was going to eat nothing but Pepsi spicy for like months and he got PepsiSpice .com.

[1539] It was a new type of Pepsi that they had.

[1540] And he got PepsiSpice .com.

[1541] He registered it because they were fucking slow on the take and they didn't realize the power of the internet.

[1542] It's suddenly writes this blog detailing these horrific fucking physical ailments that are occurring to him.

[1543] from just eating nothing but Pepsi spice for us.

[1544] What was it spicy Pepsi?

[1545] Pepsi.

[1546] It was like ginger mixed with Pepsi.

[1547] It was gross.

[1548] It was horrible.

[1549] It was so awful.

[1550] It was like Thanksgiving.

[1551] Do you remember New Coke?

[1552] They tried to fuck with Coke.

[1553] It was like, It was like, what are you doing?

[1554] And then they don't do that anymore, right?

[1555] Now it's just Coke.

[1556] They got rid of New Coke.

[1557] Yeah, New Coke just was, it was a slow introduction.

[1558] You know what it was like?

[1559] It was like the metric system.

[1560] They tried to shove it out of those.

[1561] It tastes like Pepsi.

[1562] And then they pulled it back.

[1563] They're all right, we give up.

[1564] We give up.

[1565] New Coke just tasted like Pepsi.

[1566] Do you think this is a different type of person who drinks Coke rather than Pepsi?

[1567] Fuck yeah, man. I hate Pepsi.

[1568] Like, drinking Pepsi is all kind of the same.

[1569] I like Diet Pepsi better than Diet Coke.

[1570] Do you think, like, do dumber people like Pepsi or smarter?

[1571] Dumber.

[1572] Those smart people are drinking soda on a regular basis.

[1573] Really?

[1574] I bet they are.

[1575] Smart people that know smart people that smoke cigarettes.

[1576] Yeah, that's true.

[1577] We had this guy in his Daniel Pinchbeck, this brilliant author, told me just quit.

[1578] smoking cigarettes.

[1579] I was like, what the fuck?

[1580] You, what?

[1581] You just quit too, right?

[1582] It's tough, man. When did you quit?

[1583] I'm like on my third day, so.

[1584] That's it?

[1585] Not even.

[1586] I quit for a year, a couple years ago, and I smoked a joint with my friend rolled a joint with tobacco in it.

[1587] And it fucking, it's crazy.

[1588] Once you have that little taste, I was like, hey, roll me a cigarette, like a couple days later.

[1589] I was staying with him in upstate New York after Montreal.

[1590] And so I was kind of on vacation, that vacation mode and was like, I'll have a couple smokes until when I get back to LA I'll stop and went down to the city for a week and bombed a couple cigarettes but cigarettes are like 15 bucks a pack there so I was like I'm just going to buy a pack and you know give them the people and I'll smoke either way just snowballed into Is that the only physical addiction you've ever had?

[1591] Um, cock.

[1592] Yeah man that's rude.

[1593] That's rude behavior that you're fucking little co -hosts is going out on the internet.

[1594] other people are going to hear this dude that's slander or libel whatever it is what you've been cock in your mouth and cry okay listen you took it too far back now i've never had any real like you know i like to drink and stuff but you've never had like a physical craving like that before where you got attached to it cigarettes or alcohol i mean cigarettes is the only one like that how about is alcohol have you ever gotten to a uh like a i need a drink every day stage no no no so it's cigarettes my what i was trying to get at was like cigarettes are inordinately tough and much stronger.

[1595] They have a much stronger pull than a lot of the other things that get people addicted.

[1596] Well, because you don't get anything out of cigarettes too.

[1597] Like, cigarettes, if they got you high or drunk, like...

[1598] They're relaxed, though.

[1599] But it's all just because you're poison, like...

[1600] Do you get pissed off with those people that fucking tell you they can smoke and they don't ever get hooked?

[1601] Because there's a lot of people that do that.

[1602] I can smoke for whatever I want.

[1603] No, they're not.

[1604] Really?

[1605] I think there are, it's, there are, different kinds of like I do lean more towards like an addictive type like you know like if there's something that's kind of fun I'll like my impulses to overdo it I mean I have some control and other things that's why you're funny almost all comics have that every comic that it's really funny it's impulsive yeah he's really impulsive he's really impulsive Brian Callan really impulsive joey's impulsive as fuck you know I'm glad that they're still improving the technology of a cigarette though they have camel crushes now so bad which are so awesome like you're smoking a cigarette and you're like you know what I'm bored with this cigarette then you just crush the filter and releases more chemicals into the filter then it tastes like mint so now yeah then it's a menthol cigarette what but it's a little chemical ball yeah I know that's what I'm saying wait a minute wait a minute so you can change your experience yeah you go from a regular or at any time back and forth yeah no no just once you go menthol you can't right yeah or you but the whole pack it has this available to it the whole The whole pack, yeah, they have little spearmint balls.

[1606] Your cancer is going to open.

[1607] It's going to find out that that gives cancer cancer cancer.

[1608] Yeah, double cancer.

[1609] Those mint balls give your cancer and new cancer.

[1610] But once you get out of the woods, when I quit a couple years ago, I mean, I went like a year, and it's been a year now that I've been smoking again.

[1611] Right.

[1612] Once you get out, or at least once I got out of the woods, like after a couple weeks, I was like, okay, I'm fine.

[1613] I don't need this.

[1614] But then...

[1615] Really?

[1616] Yeah, I really didn't.

[1617] I was pretty cocky about it.

[1618] I was like, I'm never going to stick another week.

[1619] one of those things in my mouth.

[1620] And I would hang out at bars.

[1621] I'd go out with my friends when they went to smoke.

[1622] I was like, I'm done.

[1623] I don't smoke.

[1624] I read this book that helped a lot.

[1625] I mean, granted, I'm smoking again, but because, well, but I mean, under my circumstances, though, I kind of didn't really do it by choice.

[1626] Like, I smoked this joint that had tobacco.

[1627] And I knew I tasted it right away, but I was like, I can, fuck it.

[1628] I'm on vaid.

[1629] This is, like, it's been 11 months since I had a cigarette.

[1630] I can have a puff.

[1631] Tobacco demon talking to you, right?

[1632] It's fucked up, you know what it is?

[1633] A nicotine demon?

[1634] Well, that's the way the guy, that's the way he describes it in the book, is, like, you're just feeding this little monster that needs to be fed over, like, it's a very short...

[1635] I haven't heard that, like, after six months, like, you get to, like, it starts burning fat that has nicotine still in it, and so you start getting cravings again after, like, a certain period.

[1636] I don't know if this is bullshit.

[1637] Someone said that, too, and I thought that sounded silly.

[1638] Seems kind of silly.

[1639] It might be, though.

[1640] I mean, I know marijuana stays in your system.

[1641] I think if you're, like, really fat and you get super high, weed can stay in your system for weeks.

[1642] Yeah.

[1643] I think it stays in your fat cells, right?

[1644] Yeah, so if that, I mean, if it's there, maybe, I mean, it's obviously the grip of that stuff is way stronger than the, I mean, there's people that say they get addicted to marijuana, but there's nothing like the feeling that I don't think that they would get with cigarettes.

[1645] They don't need to smoke it all day like that.

[1646] No, it's more of a habitual.

[1647] I think marijuana, it's, you get, you get hooked on the ritual of it.

[1648] I also huff this shit, too.

[1649] Yeah, I love that I'm willing to believe that everybody has a different biochemistry and some people can get.

[1650] physically addicted to almost anything.

[1651] I think people get physically addicted to sugar.

[1652] You know, some people that, like, have crazy sugar fixations where it's an addiction.

[1653] Oh, of course, dude.

[1654] You know?

[1655] So they could get addicted to marijuana, but nothing like the addiction to cigarettes.

[1656] That is one of the weirdest ones, man. It's like...

[1657] When you see people, like, when Brian started smoking cigarettes again, it's almost like I have to accept that he got bit by a vampire.

[1658] It's like, oh, you got bit by a vampire.

[1659] All this talk of cigarettes makes me want to have a cigarette.

[1660] Dude, are you ever going to quit?

[1661] I might bum one off you.

[1662] Oh, really?

[1663] You ready to give in?

[1664] Today's been rough.

[1665] But no, I should.

[1666] I've just been, you know, I keep fucking wanting one, but it's like, yeah, it's that.

[1667] What is it?

[1668] Explain it to me. What is it?

[1669] What's the pull?

[1670] It's a person who's never.

[1671] I've had a cigarette or two in the day, but I've never got it.

[1672] Yeah, it's just, it seems, it sounds like a really good idea.

[1673] Like, I just want to kind of fucking smoke a cigarette.

[1674] And there is a little bit.

[1675] of a yeah a little like you know what it's like is when you when you go and you're hungry as fuck and you go to like the movie theater and you smell that popcorn and you're like fuck i need that popcorn no it can't be it's got to be way crazy than that because i could pass on the popcorn no because you can sit there and not get popcorn but if you sit there and keep on smelling it over and over again i mean it'll drive it crazy don't don't use don't think of popcorn specifically think of like you're really hungry and you smell like cookies how about this we're at fogo to chow and the guy keeps coming back with the meat and I have my thing flipped over to red.

[1676] Is it that good?

[1677] It's, yeah, it's more than that, it's more than that.

[1678] It's like, when you smell like somebody cooking cookies or brownies in your house and you're like, oh, I need that fucking cooking now.

[1679] It's like that.

[1680] That's what the yearning's kind of like, like it's something where it's like, oh, you get it, when you finally give into the beast and you light that bitch up and you suck it in.

[1681] What is that like?

[1682] That completely goes away, that's stress.

[1683] Yeah, it goes away and then, but then I guess, you know, mine's immediately going to be followed by guilt.

[1684] Yeah.

[1685] But you don't think, okay, here I am, I'm poisoning.

[1686] Dude, oh, God, the thoughts I fucking go through my head.

[1687] That's, yeah, it's so dumb.

[1688] I think about it, like, I don't think about it when I'm doing it.

[1689] Like, I think about it the next morning when I'm just like, you know what you should do, dude?

[1690] You should start smoking a pipe.

[1691] Smells better.

[1692] You get your tobacco.

[1693] Maybe you can smoke a pipe and be okay.

[1694] Just, you just got to stop doing it.

[1695] You guys are both junkies.

[1696] You guys can't help.

[1697] addiction man but you know this is like you know yeah it's my third day so it's pretty it's also good for breakfast lunch and dinner no you see I that's I'm not a uh I'm not a big daytime smoker I'm at night like I don't I use it for lunch during the day if I'm using it for lunch so you don't eat yeah like if I'm really hungry I'm just too busy I'll smoke a cigarette and it kills it for another 30 minutes oh my god that's so gross yeah that's got to be terrible for you but I do if I'm around people like I was staying with a buddy of mine and Austin and he wakes up in the morning has a cup of coffee and a cigarette and I would do that with him.

[1698] That's like the best combo Is it?

[1699] Well it's just it's more like oh again like when in Rome like okay but I wouldn't do that on my own.

[1700] Does it give you a crazy head rush?

[1701] What does I do for you?

[1702] You know I'm not crazy about that that combo first thing in the morning.

[1703] No it makes my stomach feel shitty.

[1704] I know but even before they have food yeah yeah no I think I think a lot of people are really what's the big deal?

[1705] I don't know it just goes together perfect is the taste of the coffee and they taste you ever figure shit out from that combination is that a combination when you start your day out with a new perspective you get a little boost from the cigarette a little boost from the coffee at the same time it's kind of like a kickstart it's amazing amazing nobody ever talks about getting rid of cigarettes they're like little little evil demons that have they should be fucking collected themselves illegal it's amazing it's amazing it's amazing when you think about all the shit that is illegal you think of the actual numbers that they're doing I was talking to Henry Phillips about, I don't know if you guys know Henry, but The guy who played guitar on Stanhope's?

[1706] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1707] And we were just like, you know, kind of drunk talking on the phone one night.

[1708] And we were both talking about how like, God, what are we still smoking?

[1709] You know, because he smokes cigarettes too.

[1710] And he was saying like, yeah, if like an alien life form was like looking down on us and they'd be like, wait, so this fucking thing kills, you know, like a million people a year and it's not illegal.

[1711] like, why don't they just make it illegal?

[1712] And it's like, well, because these five guys are getting really rich off of it.

[1713] And he's like, and the aliens would be like, well, why not just kill those five guys and save like the millions and just make it, like, it seems like a no -brainer.

[1714] But it's like, yeah, that's just the way everything's fucked up.

[1715] It's like, yeah, why not just kill the five guys who are fucking everything up for everyone?

[1716] Well, there's two arguments.

[1717] There's one, the freedom of, you know, the freedom argument where you're free to do whatever you want to do, even if it's ridiculous to say.

[1718] Well, you can't do heroin if you want to.

[1719] But why can't you?

[1720] Because it's illegal.

[1721] Right.

[1722] But should we allow more things to be legal?

[1723] That's the other question.

[1724] It's like we have enough problems of our own.

[1725] I'm saying make cigarettes illegal.

[1726] It would be hard because a lot of people say they want to be able to have a fucking cigarette.

[1727] I know, but I think I'm one of the -of -people want to fuck 10 -year -olds too.

[1728] Yeah, but that's different.

[1729] I'm one of those smokers that would vote for.

[1730] If they legalize fucking 10 -year -olds, that might be way more addictive than cigarettes.

[1731] I've never done it.

[1732] The cigarette is connecting to you.

[1733] you fucking 10 -year -olds is you interfering with other people's lives.

[1734] You're making your own personal choice.

[1735] You have your own personal freedom to go and addict to this.

[1736] I'm obviously being...

[1737] I know, of course.

[1738] But, I mean, it's a weird thing that you want to say that it is illegal.

[1739] Because I think you should be able to do whatever the fuck you want.

[1740] I think if you want to smoke cigarettes and you know they're addicted, you know, I think we should look down horribly on the people who sell them.

[1741] You know, just like any person selling any fucking deadly drug.

[1742] Yeah, I mean, especially things that just...

[1743] what are those 599 fucking ingredients that they've added to cigarettes to make them more addictive?

[1744] Like, what a crazy combo they've put together.

[1745] Well, I've smoked those American spirits almost my whole career.

[1746] And do they have the same pool?

[1747] Their whole thing is it's 100 % additive free tobacco.

[1748] It's like whole food cigarettes.

[1749] Is it less addictive?

[1750] Nicotine's pretty addictive.

[1751] So nicotine on itself is addictive enough.

[1752] And all the 599 of things just enhance.

[1753] to make it.

[1754] It's like what they do to food at McDonald's.

[1755] Like it's designed to burn a certain way, for the ash to be shaped a certain way.

[1756] Do you notice the difference between the cigarette experience from like the natural ones and the ones like the cool lights or something?

[1757] Yeah.

[1758] Yeah.

[1759] What do you know?

[1760] What do you smoke like camels?

[1761] I spoke camel lights.

[1762] This has a really strong one, isn't it?

[1763] Camels really strong.

[1764] American Spirers actually to me feel like they do more damage.

[1765] just because it's a thicker.

[1766] They last longer.

[1767] Yeah, and they last longer.

[1768] Like, I'll smoke, like, you know, American Spirits.

[1769] The next day, I'm coughing up black shit.

[1770] Like, I feel like I just have a house fire.

[1771] You don't smoke as many of them.

[1772] I mean, that's, you can't smoke as many.

[1773] Like, I always find.

[1774] It's so crazy.

[1775] It's so ridiculous.

[1776] Like, how do you take your poison?

[1777] You know, you got to be careful with the natural poison.

[1778] Natural poison's hard to swallow.

[1779] Well, I think it's just, it's, no, you see, I don't think it's hard to swallow.

[1780] I just don't think you want it as frequently.

[1781] like the other ones burn faster and like diet pop you can you can just keep them coming you can suck down two camels for like one a camel's used to have no filter they have filters no they still have they all all cigarettes have like no filter and filter like lucky strikes you know it come Marlboro doesn't well they have some Marlboro yeah they have non -filtered Marlors they used to I don't know if they still do that oh they might I don't know they have the camel non filters also no I know that yeah and Lucky Strikes What is what is that all about what's the non -filter about That's like some dude who's a fucking rockabilly shithead just going to the nth degree to fucking maintain his style.

[1782] The worst, like that.

[1783] I love it.

[1784] Why else you smoke in Lucky Strikes?

[1785] Except for the package looks cool and goes good with your fucking bowling shirt with flanks on it.

[1786] Your fucking grease back hair.

[1787] Your fucking tattoo of a howling cartoon dog.

[1788] Yeah.

[1789] I don't want to give any more descriptions because I've got, I don't want to get punched in a face with one of those guys when I'm in office.

[1790] And there's those girls that have that very specific look too, those rockabilly girls.

[1791] But burlesque, like you were talking about that.

[1792] That's crazy in Austin.

[1793] Like, yeah, it's just like, you know.

[1794] Yeah, they all dress like they're from the 40s or some shit.

[1795] The same as Roller Derby girls.

[1796] Yeah.

[1797] They're all cut from the same cloth.

[1798] What the fuck is this longing for the nostalgic past that everybody has?

[1799] I don't know.

[1800] I have a joke about it.

[1801] What is it?

[1802] Where I say, I love Roller Derby.

[1803] I've never seen it, but I like that it exists because it cuts down on all the crappy girl bands that would be around otherwise.

[1804] Because it's just like a bunch of people.

[1805] people who need some attention.

[1806] It's like, yeah, don't start a band, dude.

[1807] Yeah, do that.

[1808] If I can Dubrolesque or, uh, or roller derby.

[1809] I have a friend from the message board that's in a roller derby thing, Vicki from the message board.

[1810] Well, it's, it's just a joke, Vicki.

[1811] She's in Vancouver.

[1812] She's a nice girl, but she gave me a roller derby girl t -shirt.

[1813] Oh, yeah.

[1814] No, it's a cool thing.

[1815] Like, it's kind of a cool thing you have.

[1816] A roller derby girl t -shirt?

[1817] Yeah.

[1818] This fucking podcast is over.

[1819] This thing's gone forever.

[1820] Man. We rambled through a good part of it where I didn't know what the fuck we were talking about.

[1821] That beginning part I was not awake.

[1822] We're too tired.

[1823] You know, that's the problem with doing a late night one.

[1824] I work all day.

[1825] Doing Fear Factor, I'm out in the fucking hot sun all day.

[1826] That shit cooks your brain.

[1827] You can drink a lot of water and rehydrating helps, but it makes you really stupid at the end.

[1828] At the end, you just get really tired.

[1829] How many, can you see how many people started listening and stop?

[1830] There's 1 ,276.

[1831] Not bad for the end.

[1832] It's been out forever.

[1833] Two and a half hours, right?

[1834] It's 11 p .m. on the east.

[1835] coast, man. Oh, fuck.

[1836] On the West Coast, rather, it's 11 p .m. Yeah.

[1837] All right.

[1838] Thank you, Brendan, for coming by.

[1839] Thanks for asking me. And please follow him on Twitter.

[1840] It's B -R -E -N -D -O -N -Walsh.

[1841] Hell, yeah, so on.

[1842] B -R -E -N -D -O -N -Walsh, yeah, on Twitter.

[1843] And I'll be in Bloomington, Indiana, at the Comedy Attic, September 29th through October 1st.

[1844] Tweet that, and I'll retweet it, and if you've never seen him.

[1845] Go fucking see him.

[1846] Yeah, come, it'll be fun.

[1847] That's a great place.

[1848] You're one of those guys that right now, in my book of, like, funny guys to watch, you're one of those that hasn't been nationally recognized yet, but it's going to happen quick.

[1849] Cool, man. I really believe that.

[1850] You're fucking hilarious, dude.

[1851] The other night at the ice house, you had me. Those shows were fun.

[1852] Well, you have a good crowd, man. Yeah, they're great.

[1853] Yeah, we're really lucky.

[1854] Most of it is these fucking freaks that are listening right now.

[1855] And we'll be in Houston.

[1856] You dirty freaks.

[1857] Yeah, we're going to be in Houston together.

[1858] We're going to be there with the great Joey Coco Diaz.

[1859] It's a bona fide experience, ladies and gentlemen.

[1860] What is that, like October 7th, October 7th, and that's at the Verizon Wireless Theater.

[1861] And this weekend, September 23rd, yeah, September 23rd with Joey and Ari, and we're going to be in Denver, Colorado, and we're at the Paramount Theater.

[1862] And it's almost sold out.

[1863] So it's going to be a lot of fucking fun.

[1864] I haven't been back to Denver in a long time.

[1865] So I'm looking forward to that.

[1866] So that should be the shit.

[1867] And then the weekend after that, October, the first week in October?

[1868] Oh, no, the 30th.

[1869] The 30th of September.

[1870] I'm in Washington, D .C. And that's at the Warner Theater.

[1871] And that's what Ari Shafir.

[1872] All right, you dirty bitches.

[1873] You guys are awesome.

[1874] Thanks for tuning in.

[1875] Thanks for lasting all you Ustream freaks.

[1876] You hung in there and all your people.

[1877] They listen into this at the gym and go, this is a very disjointed fucking weirdo podcast.

[1878] Yes and no. Surely we could edit this and get the good parts, and it would be an hour and 45 minutes of absolute deliciousness.

[1879] This would be really good at 145.

[1880] At 145, this podcast would be the shit.

[1881] But I'm sorry, we don't have that for you today.

[1882] We have two hours and 20 minutes of disjointed conversation.

[1883] Some of it's entertaining.

[1884] Cut in the thousands of pieces on you.

[1885] And some of it is just plain cunty.

[1886] So thanks for tuning in to the podcast, and thanks for everything.

[1887] and thanks to the Flashlight for sponsoring the podcast.

[1888] And if you go to Joe Rogan .com.

[1889] Click on the link for the Flashlight and enter in the code name Rogan.

[1890] You will get 15 % off the number one sex toy for men.

[1891] Oh, shit.

[1892] Brendan Walsh is going to take one home with him and shoot mad loads in that shit, son.

[1893] I don't know if I can trust myself.

[1894] Well, yeah, maybe I will.

[1895] You're going to do it.

[1896] I'm going to be back on Sunday, this Sunday evening with Graham Hancock.

[1897] And that is going to be fucking awesome.

[1898] One of my favorite authors of all time.

[1899] If you've never heard of them, go look them up online, watch some of his videos on YouTube, Google them, buy his books, fingerprints of the gods change the way I looked at the world.

[1900] And he's going to be here this Sunday.

[1901] So that's it.

[1902] I'll see you guys soon.

[1903] Thanks for everything.

[1904] Bye, bye.