23 - Making A Twenty-Thirderer

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Welcome.

[17] What you couldn't hear is Karen and I just smiling, just doing creepy.

[18] Fake podcast faces to each other as we were about to introduce this.

[19] Welcome to my favorite murder starring Georgia Hartstark.

[20] That's her.

[21] Hi.

[22] And Karen Kilgariff.

[23] Hi.

[24] That's me. You're really good at, um, pot like long pauses.

[25] And so I'm like, am I, is she waiting for me to jump in?

[26] In the knife.

[27] You mean I'm good at like putting them in and making you, um, unsure as to what you're supposed to do?

[28] Yes.

[29] but that's us i like to keep mystery in the relationship you look tan uh did you do tan no i have a red face because um my favorite celebrity was talking to me on twitter and so my cheeks got really red and they wouldn't stop they won't stop being red Karen it's like significant i know i've never seen you flushed before i know this is what it looks like holy shit don't you don't have to say who it is but oh my god i know well he knows who he is because he that's why he talks you you get flushed when you when someone talks to you that you like yeah that's cute i've never seen you speak to someone you like then i know it doesn't happen that often you don't like any of our friends it's just you know there's some there's some good uses for twitter that's all i'll say that's so cute aren't i precious also i was uh i was driving into the sun essentially oh okay um driving home from work so that it was a combo thing too but that's i don't think i've ever seen your arms you're so you took your sweater off because it's a hundred a thousand degrees in my apartment and you're tan as fuck well yeah i guess i am a little bit i think this is just from um how hot it's been lately i really never i don't think i've ever seen you in a short sleeve shirt you're adorable friccles let's talk about you you adorable freckles and you're tan well yeah i think these parts, I mean, like, look at this farmer's tan, though.

[30] That's hilarious.

[31] I got to get that.

[32] I got to start working for that.

[33] That is not a gnarly farmer's tan.

[34] Do not take a picture of this, Stephen.

[35] Could you imagine?

[36] It is, um, it looks like, it looks like I've, an apple picker professionally.

[37] This, the farmer's tan that I have going.

[38] It totally does.

[39] Um, you know, no, it's summer, Summer Karen is in full effect right now.

[40] I got Botox today.

[41] You did.

[42] We're going to go ahead and talk about.

[43] Let's get.

[44] This is.

[45] full, let's just tell all of our secrets.

[46] God, I wish I had, like, what is it called?

[47] Act?

[48] Any kind of shame?

[49] I love it.

[50] Secrets.

[51] Well, who cares?

[52] At this point, everyone gets it.

[53] Oh, my God.

[54] If I cared that people, like, I was trying to hide Botox, that it wouldn't be me. It's like lying about your age.

[55] Also, every person that lives in this town would have to be hiding it.

[56] Yeah.

[57] And you know what else?

[58] Half the other people should get Botox.

[59] Because, fuck, it's like the best.

[60] It's the best.

[61] Um, wait, let me put my glasses back on.

[62] Okay, well, you can't tell.

[63] It takes like a week for it to work, but you can see like a little bit of a bruise coming up.

[64] Oh.

[65] And then what happens?

[66] Everything tightens up.

[67] Yeah.

[68] It doesn't tighten.

[69] It just kind of, yeah, it just, uh, the muscles stop working.

[70] So there's no wrinkles.

[71] Oh.

[72] It's great.

[73] I love it.

[74] I don't care how fucking vapid I sound.

[75] I don't want to, it's not vapid.

[76] I'm not.

[77] It's not vapid.

[78] You're an on camera personality.

[79] Yeah.

[80] That's kind of shit.

[81] You just don't.

[82] I mean, And if people know, like, when you see yourself on camera, it's the physical equivalent of when you hear your voice on an answering machine.

[83] It's nightmarish or in a podcast.

[84] Especially HD on a huge TV.

[85] Oh, please.

[86] And in general, too, it makes you feel better about myself.

[87] Of course.

[88] So who fucking cares?

[89] And also every single person that you see on television over the age of 12 is filled with Botox.

[90] For sure.

[91] You know why?

[92] Because it's awesome.

[93] Because it works.

[94] It's so great.

[95] Until they start, what they need to do is they need to develop some kind of a computer program that can just automatically go in and pull out wrinkles.

[96] Yeah.

[97] That's what they need to do.

[98] But until then, it's on the individual performer.

[99] Yeah, and it's, oh, man, I love it.

[100] You just love it.

[101] Do you feel like spinning in a circle, like a pretty girl and a dress with an apron on the front?

[102] I get carsick really easily, so I think that would be a mistake.

[103] But I give money to charity, too.

[104] It's not like this is my only.

[105] girl you're in Hollywood you're Hollywood on camera presence you are a star of the food network you are a dessert queen thank you you don't want wrinkles on that shit no I don't need it although I have them and support them 100 % I have a crevice in my forehead that a while ago I was like fuck it I'm gonna I'm gonna go with this yeah like um I'm like how gray hair I'm just gonna let my hair fucking grow gray I can't do that Yeah, because if I did, I could go completely gray really fast.

[106] No, you, I like your dark hair.

[107] You don't need it.

[108] Yeah.

[109] I need it.

[110] I feel the same way with bangs.

[111] Like, I just, they're my comfort.

[112] Exactly.

[113] This is, I need some dark hair left over from my 90s, um, mods.

[114] We call it a mod slash goff phase.

[115] I didn't really ever commit to anything entirely except for a beer.

[116] But I need the hair.

[117] I need some darkness around me at all times.

[118] Bangs in a fucking, um, um, Bob.

[119] And a strong lip and a hoop earring.

[120] And a beer.

[121] And a, oh, only.

[122] Yeah.

[123] And like, yeah, like a, like a, like, lip liner only.

[124] No lipstick.

[125] Yes.

[126] What are we talking about now?

[127] I don't know.

[128] I just kind of went that way.

[129] Hey, I finished the Simpson show.

[130] Oh, you.

[131] I haven't.

[132] The New Simpsons.

[133] And you love it?

[134] So we're talking about the OJ Simpson made an America document, 3 for 30 documentary.

[135] Unbelievable.

[136] Did you watch?

[137] Did you see the crime scene photos?

[138] No. for oh my okay so here's what they do they everyone was like the episode four hardcore crime scene photos like just be prepared so they showed them four or five four okay then i'm i think i'm halfway through four so i haven't seen the hardcore so they show you they show them and i'm like oh i must be so fucking crazy and desensitized because this is nothing it was just like oh and then suddenly it's a fucking up close of her neck wound of Nicole Simpson's, sorry, Nicole Brown's neck wound.

[139] I haven't seen that.

[140] Like, no warning.

[141] And I thought like, oh, I can see that.

[142] Like her sad, sad crumpled body.

[143] His body really kind of did get to me. Ron Goldman, man. It's so sad.

[144] I just, you know, he like, he like came upon her being attacked.

[145] It's not even like, I always thought that they were there together and OJ freaked out because he thought they were dating.

[146] Right.

[147] He, he wasn't even there yet when the attack on Nicole started.

[148] That poor kid.

[149] They say that in the documentary.

[150] That's like proven fact.

[151] It's, yeah.

[152] She wasn't, she got attacked during the end, fell to the ground.

[153] And that's when he came in.

[154] Oh.

[155] And she was just bringing her mom's reading glasses that she had left at the restaurant where he weighed at tables.

[156] Nightmare and nightmare for that mom.

[157] I mean, she would, I mean, oh yeah because to have that connection of like oh i needed my glasses back and then they yeah totally yeah that bothered me and that i keep thinking about him and is anyway it's not good um yeah so you should finish i'll definitely finish it i think it's like every time i go home after a day of work where i'm like a little bit rung out a little tired i just want to listen to british people oh oh i tried it speaking of which what the show Well, it's a reading show.

[158] I tried to watch episode two last night, and I fell asleep almost immediately.

[159] And I kept closing my eyes going, now I don't know what's happening because I'm not looking because I'm not reading.

[160] But I love it.

[161] I was bored four minutes in.

[162] Four minutes.

[163] I'm going to try it again and try it some more.

[164] Too much reading?

[165] No. Too, like, fucking dramatic.

[166] Like too dramatic.

[167] Like just too, like.

[168] you know like the cute officer is like a cheerio you can take the body and like take this murder it's all yours bite and then it's like but then the body falls apart in half and spoiler alert what oh shit I mean that was in the first two minutes no I know what I mean no I think um I hear what you're saying I accept what you're saying I think it's interesting though like I like that it's like the French female cop who's of course a beautiful young French actress but is also playing this borderline autistic, very all business.

[169] Bitchy kind of.

[170] Bitchy and like, kind of like, I don't care if you're making a joke.

[171] I don't care if you're being charming.

[172] I'm saying, but I'm saying, I want everyone and I'm saying bitchy and like, bitchy.

[173] Like, it's fucking awesome.

[174] But it is awesome.

[175] I don't think like, what a bitch.

[176] Like, bitchy.

[177] We like bitchy.

[178] I'm going to try it again.

[179] Like, I pretty much 90 % of the time hate every show like the first 10 minutes.

[180] Yeah.

[181] I'm like, I hate the show.

[182] Because it's hard to get used to new things.

[183] that's true speaking of new things i have a present for you and for me from a listener is this our first listener like viewer mail yeah i have a listener mail i have a listener mail i don't worry i have a p o box so if anyone wants to send us shit you can message me and if you're not insane and have okay grandma i'll give you our p o box number um so caroline abernathy sent us a present Caroline?

[184] To my PO box.

[185] She's a sweet baby angel.

[186] Have you already opened it?

[187] I fucking have and I know.

[188] She was like, I'm sending you this thing and I'm like, great.

[189] Oh, awesome.

[190] I'll tell Karen.

[191] So the first thing I thought of it's full of live moms.

[192] I haven't opened it.

[193] I haven't opened it.

[194] Caboom.

[195] And that's how they died.

[196] So she sells this in her Etsy shop.

[197] It's called her Etsy shop is anime gravy with a capital A. I don't know if that's necessary.

[198] Like you have to put it in or whatever.

[199] Are you ready for this present?

[200] Okay, I'm going to put my mic down real quick.

[201] She's unscrolling a small...

[202] It's to stay sexy.

[203] Don't get murdered with Elvis and the Owl poster.

[204] We each have our own.

[205] Yes.

[206] Oh, my God.

[207] This is gorgeous.

[208] I know.

[209] So this chick is so for new listeners, I mean, get with the program.

[210] But so we always...

[211] First of all, first of all, let us reprimand you.

[212] being for being right so this is amazing stay sexy don't get murdered is our catch the thing we always say our catchphrase no it's just something we started saying and people like it my catchphrase is what are you talking about willis that's right i forget i forget and then elvis my cat is holding who's like it looks just like him it looks exactly like him and the owl of course is the owl theory from the staircase which is very funny a lot of people have pointed out on the facebook page we've never really talked about that on the podcast.

[213] It's like something you and I've personally talked about and just reference.

[214] Right.

[215] We've mentioned it being a theory.

[216] Yeah.

[217] We haven't like discussed if we believe it or not.

[218] I think it's like we've discussed how we've discussed it.

[219] Essentially.

[220] So there's a lot of people who are like, wait, when did they talk about this?

[221] It's disgusted.

[222] Yeah.

[223] It is disgusting.

[224] Uh, and it's amazing.

[225] And it's like my, it's like, look, it's the color of my walls too.

[226] It's like this like, that's weird, mint green that I'm obsessed with.

[227] Beautiful.

[228] It's so cute.

[229] This is the best.

[230] So you guys can go to anime gravy and you can buy it.

[231] I want to tell everyone it's just $10, but I feel like she should up the price right now.

[232] This is worth more than $10.

[233] It's only $25.

[234] Caroline Abernathy?

[235] Yeah.

[236] That's really cool.

[237] Thank you so much.

[238] I haven't read the note, actually.

[239] Oh, let's see.

[240] Should I read the note?

[241] Yes.

[242] Dear Karen and Georgia, I'm so happy that you like my drawing.

[243] Thanks for always making me laugh.

[244] Then feel bummed as fuck about all the murders and smile again by asking Elvis if he wants a cookie.

[245] I've introduced multiple friends to your podcast.

[246] It's the perfect friend filter to see who's cool enough to hang out with murderinos.

[247] Yay.

[248] You two rock so fucking hard.

[249] Stay sexy.

[250] Don't get murdered, Caroline.

[251] Thank you.

[252] Oh, my God.

[253] I love it so much.

[254] That's really exciting.

[255] I'm going to get it framed.

[256] I love it.

[257] Now, greedily, the next thing I was immediately going to say is now I want one of those little key, like those little pendants that say, stay sexy, don't get murdered.

[258] If we need to give her a shout out, let me see here.

[259] I think we did once.

[260] We had totally have.

[261] That's the one who's named Flossy, right?

[262] Or am I, is that a, let's, let's, hey, Stephen, will you look that up for us since you're here?

[263] Oh, you guys, this month, this week we have a sound record, a recording engineer.

[264] Right.

[265] Remember how we had technical difficulties last week, Stephen?

[266] I'm helping us the sound not get murdered.

[267] Thank you.

[268] Stephen Ray Morris, who you know and love from the Facebook group, is helping us because tech diffs last week.

[269] We're trying to get up, we're just trying to be professional.

[270] You know how we, you know how we strive and aspire.

[271] to be better every week.

[272] I've never felt worse about, like, a bit more bummed about not having a belch ready when you said that.

[273] I'm like, you know me. I'm fucking belch.

[274] Get one ready and then drop it in as a surprise at some point during the podcast.

[275] And it will.

[276] Okay, great.

[277] Do you have any housekeeper?

[278] Oh, the shirts are so, okay, the shirts are done printing.

[279] Nice.

[280] They're going to the, the, uh, whatever, shipper this week.

[281] Nice.

[282] I don't know the rest.

[283] I mean, I think as long as people know what the schedule is, it'll help.

[284] So they just don't think that they threw $25 into the wind.

[285] The shirts are coming.

[286] I'm so, I'm sorry.

[287] We'll all get them at the same time.

[288] We'll have a whole shirt discussion.

[289] Right.

[290] We'll all wear them on the same day.

[291] Yes.

[292] It's going to be crazy.

[293] And also on our Patreon, I'm posting some of the better hometown murders we've been emailed.

[294] Just like blog posts for free because they're so good and whatever.

[295] So good to our Patreon.

[296] Anyways.

[297] Our Patreon that we still don't want.

[298] haven't set up correctly right it's set up we just haven't put any paid content on it yet oh okay all right it's like i don't we'll do that we were you know we're gonna do that so rich don't you need the money i mean yeah seriously i i have absolutely no financial worries whatsoever diddo my whole face turns red again um do you have any housekeeping i don't think so except for i got up this morning i want to say thank you and yet at the same time god damn you Facebook page because I got up this morning.

[299] Every morning I wake up like between 6 .30 and 7.

[300] Jesus fucking Christ.

[301] And I have to be at work at 10 .30.

[302] And most of the time I walk in like at 1031 or 1029 because I start drinking coffee and reading that Facebook page and I can't stop.

[303] And it's so crazy and it's the hugest time suck.

[304] Like I should save it for the evening.

[305] But I love getting up and just, I mean, you know, it's just my favorite.

[306] I can't go to sleep until 2 in the morning.

[307] because you're on it.

[308] I'm just scrolling.

[309] It's so good.

[310] We're just bookending that thing.

[311] It's really fun.

[312] And yeah, so join it if you haven't yet.

[313] Oh, I just remembered.

[314] So the podcast that I love that I go to sleep too called Sleep With Me podcast.

[315] Yeah.

[316] He gave us a shout out.

[317] He gave me a shout out and gave my favorite murder a shout out.

[318] Georgia.

[319] I was listening to it.

[320] And I'm so sorry, I was fast forwarding in the beginning because he talks about like who's.

[321] Oh, we have the person who.

[322] Oh, let's see.

[323] Her name.

[324] Is it one of the, is it one of those?

[325] people?

[326] Yes, it is.

[327] Cool.

[328] But I don't know which one.

[329] I just touched the picture.

[330] Should something happen?

[331] No. We don't know yet.

[332] It's that one.

[333] Oh, okay.

[334] Cool.

[335] Oh, we just have to do a step by step.

[336] Thank you.

[337] I was fast forwarding through the part that I don't care about the beginning.

[338] See, everybody's a skipper in some way.

[339] I skipped the very beginning, but not the like good stuff.

[340] So, and I heard Georgia H. And as I'm skipping, and I was like, wait a second.

[341] And I'd go back and he was like, he was just like so sweet.

[342] He gives everyone.

[343] want a shout out so and he said my favorite m dial m for like he quit on a sleep podcast he didn't want to say the word murder which i love that's sweet yeah if you guys have insomnia listen to the sleep with me podcast it's uh it's my new ambian that's great it's so fucking good that's really oh that's so exciting isn't that nice oh you know what we got a shout out and people have talked about it on the dollup and i just wanted to give people we already talked about how he called you georgina hoopis steak i don't know if he he asked me for your email So, he hasn't emailed me. Okay.

[344] I'm sure he's going to email you a long and involved apology.

[345] I'm sure it's an apology.

[346] But if you like, um, the dollop is Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds and they tell weekly, uh, I think it's actually biweekly.

[347] Um, they go over crazy historical stories from America, Australia, anywhere.

[348] Um, so cool.

[349] And they're, um, insane.

[350] Like, there's this one I would start with that's about bathing suits, like, men, bathing suits and the why that's you know the boys and men used to be required to swim naked until like the 60s no I swear to God it's the craziest story where you're like it's like anyway I love fucking stupid historical facts that you just like wouldn't know that's the dollup 100 % Dave basically reads the story Gareth's never heard the story before and you know yes exactly and then just like riffs thing it's really hilarious it's one of my favorite podcast but anyway so they gave us a shout out so all these people were like oh that's so weird I love that podcast and then so Dave told me I said I texted Dave and said thank you and then I said is it okay if I tell them that you were my first comedy boyfriend because Dave Anthony and I dated in the 90s yeah he was my boyfriend he was my boyfriend he's my first real boyfriend when I lived in San Francisco oh my God and so I said is it okay if I tell them you were my first comedy boyfriend and then he just texted back in all caps.

[351] There were others, which was hilarious.

[352] So I think people like a little inside, the inside scoop of fun stuff, because people just think that we're all like, it's, I just think it's funny that people are like, that's so weird.

[353] My favorite podcast, the Dallup gave a shout out to my favorite murder.

[354] And it's like, yeah, I've known Dave for almost 30 years.

[355] Well, I feel like the comedy, the comedian people, like, you've met them.

[356] And I actually asked you before, like, hey, can I give this podcast a shout out?

[357] Because I don't know if you hate this.

[358] You might have history with this fucking person And I'm like, are you going to be pissed that I Right.

[359] So yeah, you know, I mean, you know everyone.

[360] Okay, we know who these keychains are made by.

[361] They're metal and they're stamped with Stay sexy, don't get murdered.

[362] They're amazing.

[363] With a little heart at the bottom.

[364] Yeah.

[365] It's by Etsy seller, My Heart Has Plans.

[366] Do it.

[367] My heart has plans.

[368] That's adorable.

[369] I honestly just Googled Stay Sexy.

[370] Don't get murdered Etsy.

[371] And that was like the first thing.

[372] And then the cross -stitching one that popped up.

[373] Oh, yeah.

[374] That shit comes up.

[375] There's some good stuff on there.

[376] We're Googlable.

[377] Oh, we, I think Ari or Alex asked us if it was okay if people posted their Etsy shop links on the page.

[378] Please.

[379] Right?

[380] Please do.

[381] 100%.

[382] Make that money.

[383] Please.

[384] If you have, if you, I mean, they do, it does have to be relevant to our podcast, though.

[385] You can't just have any old crazy yarn doll that you make.

[386] Let's not get nuts.

[387] Yeah.

[388] Although someone did tweet me. a picture that they made of a little Richard Ramirez.

[389] Did you see that on the Twitter?

[390] They may have done it straight to my, or did, were you on there?

[391] Does they have fucked up teeth?

[392] No, he's.

[393] That would be so amazing if she had pushed in little real baby teeth.

[394] Oh, Richard.

[395] Oh, my God.

[396] You poor little monsters of teeth.

[397] That's it.

[398] I think that's our housekeeping.

[399] All right, thanks for listening.

[400] Bye.

[401] Bye.

[402] There's a whole reason to the podcast.

[403] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[404] Absolutely.

[405] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[406] Exactly.

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[421] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[422] Goodbye.

[423] Hey, this is exciting.

[424] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[425] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives.

[426] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[427] Who killed Saz?

[428] And were they really after Charles?

[429] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[430] This season, murder.

[431] close to home.

[432] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[433] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[434] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[435] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[436] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[437] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[438] Goodbye.

[439] my first this week yeah i think i was first last week with the old sawn beans oh right so as last week we talked we did a 1500s murder which we were both like that was a mistake what i liked is when i read listen to it we just it's just so clearly reading it was like we were being forced to read book reports in front of our class that's what it sounded like we tried to have fun with it but i mean you know okay so we gave ourselves another we gave ourselves an I survived theme and I think from now on we let's do a couple more weeks of no theme no theme after this but I do I do once again you did you get painted into a box no no no I like this one I think it's cool and it's something I've never heard of and it's creepy and fucked up and I like it's for sure but I like to go wild you just like to be yourself and decide what you want to do it the last second do I want to do me you just you're on your journey I'm positive that my vocal fry has gotten worse since we've started this podcast.

[440] You sound a little like you're getting over a thing.

[441] You know what's weird?

[442] I had a little throaty feeling last night.

[443] Were you getting over hanging out with me and taking my, and like, I'm over it.

[444] And getting my vocal fry.

[445] It's catching.

[446] It's contagious.

[447] You know who hates vocal fries, 52 -year -old single divorced dads?

[448] Those are the only people who complain about it.

[449] sounds like you're thinking of someone very specific my own no my dad's my dad did you see he keeps commenting on our shit yeah he is totally into it isn't he keeps running like he always writes like you go girl he seriously like i used to have a blog and i didn't tell them about it and then i started getting posts that were like you go girl i'm like that's my fucking dad i know it and then one day it was like so how's your blog his name's martin right marty marty was like how's your blog i fucking knew you were you go girl he loves you he's so proud of you he's so sweet he's so supportive my dad uh heard from he said hey there's a fireman whose daughter and all our friends listen to your murder podcast i swear to god and i was like uh -oh he texted it to me and he goes what's it called and i said my favorite murder and he goes how come you didn't tell me about it and i go because there's a ton of swearing and we talk about murder the whole time and then he was like oh you or something i was like i hope to god my father never listens to this.

[450] I don't care if mine does.

[451] I bought him, I bought him my favorite murder shirt.

[452] Oh, no. So you see an older man, a distinguished older man walking around New Orleans with my favorite, with my favorite murder shirt on.

[453] With two cartoony girls on his shirt.

[454] That might be Marty.

[455] Marty.

[456] Marrde.

[457] He's the best.

[458] Um, okay, sorry.

[459] No, we derailed.

[460] We could do this all day.

[461] All right.

[462] So my favorite murder, I survived edition.

[463] Sweet.

[464] So do you know that Alexander Pichonsky?

[465] Pishansky.

[466] Pishanshkin.

[467] Hold on a second.

[468] You know when you're like write and right and write all day and then you never say it out loud?

[469] You're like, what the fuck?

[470] Oh, yeah.

[471] Should have practiced that.

[472] Pishashashkin.

[473] Pishashkin.

[474] Listen, he's Russian, okay?

[475] And they murdered my people.

[476] Pichkin?

[477] Pichkin.

[478] No, I don't know.

[479] Pishishishishkin.

[480] Pishishishkin.

[481] I think I'm going to go with that.

[482] Okay.

[483] a .k .a. The chessboard killer.

[484] No. Yeah.

[485] The chessboard killer, he's called that because he was methodically hunting people and sought to kill one person for every space on the chessboard.

[486] I love this.

[487] I've never heard of it.

[488] Yeah.

[489] I love this already.

[490] Russian dude, Russian serial killer.

[491] He's also known as the Bitsa Park maniac because the Bitsa Park in Russia is where he did it.

[492] It's Moscow, southwest Moscow.

[493] was where he did a lot of his best work wow um can i do a high school brag and say i've been to moscow have you i went on a trip like one of those package tours in high school it was called russia poland in the east dude i want to go on that it was crazy amazing and it was 1987 so it was before the wall came down that sounds you think now that i look 16 because i have Botox so let me pretend i'm in high school and go absolutely oh my god that's honestly like i'm dying to go to like I want to go to East Berlin, which I know doesn't exist anymore, but...

[494] It was crazy.

[495] It was crazy.

[496] And it, there was all this stuff, because it was still, was it still the Soviet Union?

[497] Is that, yeah, technically?

[498] So there's all this old, these old buildings that were just left over.

[499] It was almost like how I imagine Cuba probably is where it's like, the great time just leave it there, even though it's this huge empty building that no one's anymore.

[500] And driving the same old cars, no one had.

[501] And it's like...

[502] It was amazing.

[503] And they had tables set up.

[504] I'm just totally, have derailed you, but I'm...

[505] Oh, I want to talk about this.

[506] They had tables set up in the street, and you would go up and you would give them, you know, three roubles or whatever.

[507] It was like, so cheap.

[508] And then you had, you would just pick up a little pre -pored glass of warm Coke and just drink a little, like probably three fingers of Coke and then give them the glass back.

[509] And they would take it and sterilize it and then pour more coke in the glass.

[510] And it was like a little card, like card table.

[511] that was set up.

[512] It's like when you're running a marathon except for, and they hand you Coke and you pay for it.

[513] So you just stop and have a couple sips of Coke.

[514] That is so weird.

[515] And they also had vodka vending machines.

[516] I would do that one instead.

[517] Yeah.

[518] We drank a lot of vodka.

[519] We were all allowed to drink.

[520] Because the drinking age over there was like 16.

[521] It was nuts.

[522] Anyway.

[523] That sounds incredible.

[524] I would kill to go on a grocery store.

[525] Like I'm obsessed with authentic grocery stores.

[526] I would go to that grocery store so hard.

[527] Their grocery stores were very spars.

[528] because it's like this is the toothpaste there's not a bunch of brands yeah this is toothpaste yeah which i'm kind of like let's do that now wait no i'm not a communist or a socialist no you're definitely not a socialist but you are a burney bro right sometimes like it overwhelmed that is not i just want everyone know that's not true i'm actually a republican i'm actually a trumpster is that what they call themselves yeah trumpsters sorry okay go ahead no i don't even just i'm what i'm saying is ask me anything about Russia.

[529] Why did you kill my people?

[530] So, Pishishkin, he committed his first murder in 1992.

[531] He was a student.

[532] College or high school?

[533] I don't care.

[534] So he was motivated, motivated in part by a macabre competition with, like, the better -known Russian serial killer, Andre Chick -Actillo.

[535] Yes.

[536] Who's like the creepiest.

[537] creep kind of hot creep no he's not hot he's like older dude hot no he's in no way hot a little bit older dude hot doesn't he have a dent in his head oh no I'm into that oh okay sorry yeah you're right that's very judgmental dent it heads who am I to say oh I feel dirty so wait sorry he didn't know him he was just like he knew what he did and was yeah he was like yeah which is like, find someone else to compete with.

[538] Like, find a, like, Olympic athlete.

[539] Although Chickatilla was kind of the Olympic athlete of serial killers.

[540] I wonder if this Alexander Pishkin is pissed that he actually didn't beat him.

[541] You know he is.

[542] Yeah.

[543] So, um, blah, blah, bah, uh, Andre was convicted in 92 of killing 53 children and young women over 12 year period.

[544] So this guy was like, I'm going to do 64.

[545] for a chess board.

[546] Quick question.

[547] 64 on a chess board?

[548] Let's just go with it.

[549] So, okay, here's...

[550] Correct, moving on.

[551] Here's a regular fact on my favorite murder.

[552] His mom says that the beginning of his downfall and becoming a crazy person was when he was...

[553] Hit on the head.

[554] Send him back.

[555] Ding down.

[556] Yeah, he's hit on the head by a swing at age four.

[557] And I'm like, unless the swing was made of cinder blocks...

[558] That's but that's what happened to Richard Richard Ramirez.

[559] He got hit in head with a swing.

[560] Like, exactly.

[561] Yes.

[562] They're made of like rubber.

[563] It's enough.

[564] Yeah, I think like in the 70s, 80s.

[565] Do concussions affect children more than they do adults?

[566] Probably.

[567] I mean like...

[568] You're a doctor, right?

[569] Yes.

[570] Please ask me anything.

[571] I love lying.

[572] You're a Russian doctor, right?

[573] I think we've established that I loved a bullshit.

[574] So, uh, the answer there is...

[575] If you act like you're right, you're technically right.

[576] Yeah, except until I tell on myself the next episode.

[577] Right.

[578] And apologize.

[579] So this pushishkin lured his victims.

[580] He mostly was into elderly homeless men, not in a sexual way.

[581] He would say to them in this park, hey, do you guys want to get shit -faced on vodka?

[582] I'm paraphrasing here.

[583] And he would say, like, let's go to the grave of my beloved dog that's like deep in the park.

[584] And he was actually not, he was actually really loved animals.

[585] He was never, and he got him in the head, but he didn't kill animals.

[586] Then they'd go out there and be drinking, and he would attack them with a hammer.

[587] Oh, man. That's, oh, just the.

[588] That would hurt a lot.

[589] Just to like, okay.

[590] That became his trademark, and then he would, oh, no, this became his trademark.

[591] He would do that, and then he would push a vodka bottle into the gaping.

[592] wounds of their skulls.

[593] Oh, no. It's like when you make a watermelon vodka thing.

[594] What is that?

[595] You know, I'm talking about when you like poke a hole in a watermelon and then empty a bottle of vodka in there.

[596] Yeah, he was kind of trying to do one of those.

[597] Fourth of July.

[598] Maybe he was a frat boy.

[599] Oh, just pickling that brain.

[600] I lost it a little bit in the park.

[601] Russian frat boys are different than they are here.

[602] Oh, yeah.

[603] I'd rather have a frat boy from here than a Russian frat play.

[604] I don't know.

[605] I don't want to choose.

[606] I choose neither.

[607] I choose neither.

[608] I don't know.

[609] I know that was a choice.

[610] Otherwise, I still would have chosen Americans.

[611] Most of his victims were elderly men, but he did kill three women and one child.

[612] The body of one of the women was, I don't, do you want to know how, that there were tiny steaks hammered into her skull and around her eyes, or no?

[613] Yeah.

[614] Okay.

[615] I mean, yeah.

[616] Steaks?

[617] Tiny steaks.

[618] Like, like, like, like, like, pitching a tent you're using, oh.

[619] Not like, um, yum, yum, yum steaks.

[620] Yeah.

[621] Um, he said once, for me, life without murder is like life without food for you.

[622] I felt like the father of all these people since it was me who opened the door for them into another world.

[623] Yeah.

[624] That's not true.

[625] They're like, I prefer Marty.

[626] I prefer my actual dad, but thanks.

[627] Uh, dads aren't supposed to be like that.

[628] Right.

[629] Um, so, okay.

[630] So here, let's get to the survivor.

[631] All right?

[632] Yes.

[633] Fucking badass bitch.

[634] her name was Maria Virachiva.

[635] Virachava.

[636] She was 19 and three months pregnant, which already are like, come on.

[637] Like, let me get through this.

[638] Yeah.

[639] You know, um, pregnant and her, the man she was, her boyfriend was a friend of this killer.

[640] Oh.

[641] Just like, date someone else.

[642] Find better friends.

[643] She met him.

[644] She ran into him at work.

[645] She and her boyfriend had just gotten into a huge fight.

[646] And so she was pissed off, like hanging out near the, metro station and he saw her and was like, and he had been hunting for a victim.

[647] And this is in February of 2002.

[648] I should have started with that.

[649] So he said that most of his male victims, he was able to get them away with alcohol was the thing that they, that the reason they would go with him.

[650] But for women, he said, quote, women always need to have a financial interest.

[651] Fuck you.

[652] You don't know me?

[653] Man, I like vodka.

[654] I don't need your fucking money.

[655] I like dead pets, graves.

[656] Yeah.

[657] I'll cheers over that.

[658] Dick.

[659] So he says to her that he has several boxes of brand new contraband cameras.

[660] Oh, yeah.

[661] No, sorry.

[662] Women always love cameras.

[663] That's really true.

[664] If there's some kind of deal going, like a sales deal where they're like, oh, I have this thing.

[665] I'm going to cut you in on it.

[666] Just say no. Even if it's true, you're still probably going to get arrested.

[667] there's you have to pay for things that you want in this life right when you try to sidestep that fact you're you're you mess with the wrong people you end up in the forest at a dog's grave what have you and then with a vodka bottle in your head free money isn't free like just just just go without just get a job buy your own shit stay out of the forest it's never going to be chill that's going to be the quote get a job what was it Got a job.

[668] Anytime we list anything in three years, we want you to put it on a poster.

[669] There was another one.

[670] Shit, Karen is full of quotes tonight.

[671] I'm full of beans.

[672] Sonny beans.

[673] Oh, my God.

[674] Okay.

[675] We've got to get through this.

[676] So, all right.

[677] So here's what he does.

[678] He's like, here's some cameras in here.

[679] Come on in with me. And she was like, okay.

[680] Fuck, don't do that.

[681] Because she was pissed at her boyfriend, you know.

[682] It's a great way to rebel.

[683] I've done some stupid shit when I'm, like, pissed at my boyfriend.

[684] yeah so he takes her over to where he says he left the camera which is this well this like brick well into the like forest ground and he lifts the man he'll cover off and he's like hey take a look inside dude um and she approaches he grabs her and shoves her into the well and she's trying to grasp the edges of the rim of the well and he grabs her by the hair and just like starts smacking her head against the cell the concrete walls which is so weird that they like didn't even kill her before.

[685] It was like almost this fun toying with her thing.

[686] But she let herself fall.

[687] She said, quote, I realized that he would kill me like this, so I let go.

[688] It's like, which side is better up or down?

[689] Yeah.

[690] And he yells to her, take a bath there.

[691] Couldn't come up with something better?

[692] Yeah, that's not funny.

[693] Yeah.

[694] Um, she said, my head hurt terribly, but I wanted to live.

[695] So after falling about 30 feet, she Maria lands in a sewage pipe about a foot in diameter with the stream running running through about three feet high so it's like the sewage line and I might have gotten some of those numbers wrong because guess what they were like in meters and shit and I tried to like change them and I yeah because I was like how do you land in a but basically she it's down a well and then a slightly smaller thing down a well it's tight falls 30 feet about it's a tight little area.

[696] Okay.

[697] And she's in like, let's, I don't know, it seemed like, it seemed like waist high rushing sewage water, rushing.

[698] And it's trying to get her into this like pipe into this other part of the, um, sewage system that she definitely would have drowned in.

[699] Luckily, she fucking puts her, her hands of the side and stops herself from going down that pipe.

[700] Okay.

[701] She removes her jacket and boots real quick.

[702] Man, this girl's smart.

[703] Um, she was able to plant her feet and hands on the side of the pipe to stop from being swept away by a shit storm.

[704] So gross.

[705] I know, man. Like, what a bad day.

[706] So she finds another well, like she, I guess she goes through, but it sounds like she was in there for hours and eventually finds an iron ladder running up to the, running up the side.

[707] She goes up, what?

[708] Say it.

[709] Like someone had shot an iron ladder.

[710] Sorry.

[711] Wait, what?

[712] she's in the sewage thing and then an iron ladder floats by because someone had shot it don't make me say it twice it's a terrible joke I didn't get it no no like she finds it up the wall it's like in the wall she's like ladder it's not shoots and ladders we have to edit that part out it's one of them it's the worst joke I've ever said and I had to say it two times don't take that note this stays in I've edited out some shit for you before this is not going to be one of them I will just take all the edits I've done for you and put them into one episode and post them can you imagine that's actually a genius idea because it won't make any sense because contextually just random terrible edits that would be awful things like me saying someone shat an iron ladder okay please continue um so she finds this ladder up the wall Uh -huh.

[713] Not from someone's bow.

[714] I know.

[715] I'm kidding.

[716] I love it.

[717] I love it.

[718] That's why you're a comedian.

[719] She climbs up it and she's like, well, shit.

[720] This is like an 80 -something pound manhole cover.

[721] She can't get it open.

[722] She's so close.

[723] And then she opens a tiny bit and sees a woman running from it, like leaving.

[724] And she's like, well, that was my last chance.

[725] She's exhausted from crawling for hours through all the gross fucking sewage.

[726] She's like, this is it.

[727] I'm dead.

[728] But it turns out the woman had heard her screams and heard the manhole cover lift a little or saw the manhole cover lift a little bit and like fucking ran for, you know, help to lift this manhole cover.

[729] So she was taking in the hospital.

[730] She and her kids survived.

[731] Man, I bet like, what is that kid's life like today?

[732] Well, they could, they may have been somehow inoculated by being in all that shit.

[733] So they're like superhuman, never gets sick.

[734] Yeah, they're like, Marlboro's like.

[735] do we tell this sort of this like story of a superhero well well let's see let's see um so she survives she okay here's the wharf part not some well here's another bad part she's reporting the incident to the police and somehow i've heard i read a couple different reasons the police were like nope and like ended up making her sign something saying that she herself had accidentally fell into the well and that he had nothing to do with it.

[736] it.

[737] Yeah.

[738] Either because she didn't have the correct papers, like citizen papers, or the cop was bored.

[739] It's like, for some reason, they were like, no, we're not going to pursue this.

[740] Wow.

[741] Yeah.

[742] So he went on to claim dozens of lives after that.

[743] Oh, no. Yeah.

[744] So right now, there's a criminal investigation going into the cop who, you know, okayed that.

[745] I'm sure nothing will happen.

[746] Um, he has two other survivors.

[747] One of the, was a 14 -year -old homeless boy who also got thrown down a well in March 2002.

[748] He again said he tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen to a homeless boy.

[749] How are you 14 and homeless, Russia?

[750] Because that place is terrible.

[751] It's all like, it's either the super rich or the insanely poor.

[752] But that also happened in Shikatillo when I saw that there was like a made for TV movie where Stephen Ray played the cop that was investigating him.

[753] And when they got to the, when they realized he had been murdering all these people they were like you won't you won't arrest him like it was as if like the Russian authorities were like we're not admitting that we have this problem and I think that is a way that they dictate the cops have to do stuff sure if like some woman I'd been especially because she knew him too because she could be like it was this dude yeah it's like they're saying like we're not that's not going to be a problem that we're having and from a couple of the accounts I read he like came over to hang out with her boyfriend after that like she had to see him no what he said something like uh hey you want to go for another walk like he fucking taunted her that's crazy i know but it's also weird to have a habit of pushing people down wells totally that's really weird it is weird it's usually it's like you know they're into the murder part well it's weird that he went from hitting someone on the head with a hammer and in addition to that he liked pushing people down a well yeah it doesn't really made.

[754] Like, you should do one, you should do one and then the other.

[755] Yeah, pick an MO.

[756] Get your style going.

[757] Yeah.

[758] And then, like, with the checker, or checkers, with the chess, like, come on, man. Pick one.

[759] Yeah.

[760] Um, so, the murder of Marina Mosco, Yova, Malina Moskilova in 36, who was 36 in the spring of 2006, was his last murder.

[761] They actually, um, found her body with a metro ticket in it, with his trademark injuries, and they found a video of him and her from the metro station walking together.

[762] Oh.

[763] Yeah.

[764] So they caught him.

[765] He was arrested June 2006, convicted of 49 murders and three attempted murders.

[766] And it seems like he was, he asked to be convicted for 60 murders.

[767] Wow.

[768] Which is like, fuck off.

[769] because he won a credit for all the yeah yeah he got life in prison with the first 15 years to be spent in solitary confinement so I'm sure Jesus Christ he's going to be 15 years you can't do that where are we Russia you nutty place 15 years in solitary confinement is there even a reason for that or it's just pun it's like we can't give you the death penalty so we're just going to do this instead yeah I guess so yeah why not kill him 15 years, that's awful.

[770] Did you hear recently in California, they passed a law that juveniles can't get more than like two hours of solitary confinement, which I think is, I almost cried when I heard that because it's such an obvious, it's so, it's such an obvious smart thing to do.

[771] Yeah, it makes you think what's happened that made them pass on law.

[772] Oh, fuck.

[773] Yeah.

[774] Okay.

[775] So, and he and Pishishkin has said that he would have continued killing indefinitely if he hadn't been stopped.

[776] I believe it.

[777] He's a fucking weirdo.

[778] Yeah.

[779] I just want to give fucking a shout out to Maria for being such an incredible badass.

[780] You know what?

[781] Here's the smartest thing she did.

[782] If you're ever in water, take off anything heavy that you're wearing, jacket, boots, clothes like that.

[783] Interesting.

[784] That's what drags you down.

[785] Really?

[786] It makes you tired when you have to tread water.

[787] It makes you super tired.

[788] Like anything like that, boots or anything, pants, take it off.

[789] Very interesting.

[790] I've never thought about that.

[791] That's very smart of her.

[792] Very, yeah.

[793] Especially when you're in shitwater.

[794] She's just like, how can you concentrate on that?

[795] Maria Vera Chavilla.

[796] Which, like, you don't find a lot of stuff when you Google her at all.

[797] Right.

[798] Him, it's like the same shit over and over again.

[799] He's gross.

[800] There's photos of him.

[801] He's a creep.

[802] He's not hot like Chickatillo.

[803] Shut up.

[804] I like him dented.

[805] Physically.

[806] and emotionally dented.

[807] In Zad now.

[808] Well, mine this week is once again me retelling you an episode my favorite episode of I survived.

[809] I'm so excited.

[810] My favorite crime show, if you're new to this podcast, hi, welcome.

[811] My favorite crime show.

[812] Should I be rate them again?

[813] You can.

[814] Of all I would say is I survived because it's a beautifully produced.

[815] It's television well made.

[816] It's, one -on -one interviews where people speak slightly off -camera, purely telling their story of survival with no reenactment, no cheesy actors, no shots of anything, just the story, which is one thousand times scarier and more upsetting than if you were cutting away to some dumb.

[817] Like, that show made me realize those cutaways in other like firsthand story shows just deaden the effect.

[818] A person is sitting there telling you what happened to them.

[819] Face to camera.

[820] There's no scarier, no realer.

[821] I mean, that's it.

[822] Honestly, I don't.

[823] There's a helicopter.

[824] Just a light invasion.

[825] Listen, we're in Hollywood.

[826] Murder.

[827] It's how it is.

[828] Murder cap.

[829] I don't, I hate reenactments.

[830] They just take you out of it.

[831] They're corny.

[832] Yeah.

[833] They're not, you can't reenact the actual violence of what took place.

[834] I mean, there's just, I don't like it.

[835] And sometimes on some.

[836] shows they're so gratuitous.

[837] There's like an extra sound effect and the girl's always in a bra.

[838] We were like, really?

[839] Can we say the exception is a crime to remember?

[840] We love a crime to remember.

[841] Yeah.

[842] Um, yeah, that, that, those reenactments are perfectly done.

[843] They're gorgeous.

[844] Yeah.

[845] They're gorgeous.

[846] So, and I survived back to my favorite show.

[847] Well, I should say one of my favorite shows, but it's all these stories I remember because they're so perfectly told.

[848] So this one I loved because I love the girl.

[849] that tells the story that it happened to her and her name is Sarah Brady and this happened when she was 26 years old and nine months pregnant women she was yeah that's right oh my god weird and Sarah was apparently overdue so she was like waiting to have this baby any moment can you amount like her everything is swollen everything's hard you're doing everything for two so here's what happens she's registered at Babies R Us and she gets a call one day from a woman who says her name is Sarah Brody.

[850] What year is this?

[851] This is 2004.

[852] Okay.

[853] So she gets a call.

[854] A woman says my name's Sarah Brody and I got one of your, we're both registered I guess at Babies R Us because I got one of your packages.

[855] Similar names.

[856] Yes.

[857] Shit man. And so she's like, oh, okay, crazy.

[858] I'll come and get it.

[859] Yeah.

[860] You live on my way to work, whatever.

[861] So they make this plan.

[862] She goes and she picks up the package.

[863] She goes into the woman's apartment.

[864] This woman lives in a basement apartment.

[865] She said it was a completely fine exchange.

[866] They talked a little bit about how they were both nervous to be mothers.

[867] They just talked about, you know, whatever.

[868] And we'll call her our Sarah, the good Sarah, says that she just got the impression this girl was very young and she seemed kind of alone.

[869] So she had a kind of a warmth toward her because she was like, oh, you know, and we have kind of the same name and they're basically seemed like they were going to have babies right at the same time.

[870] Oh, yeah.

[871] So thanks, see you later, great, takes the package, goes home.

[872] So a couple days later, there's another phone call.

[873] And it's her again going, I got another package for you.

[874] And so when she gets off the phone, she is I think, she's having the baby with her boyfriend there engaged to be married.

[875] So her fiancé, or boyfriend's brother is there.

[876] at their house and she goes that girl got another package for me I have to go get it and the brother goes that's weird I don't I have a bad feeling about this don't go over there holy shit really yeah and she goes no no no you don't understand I already met her saw her face to face she's totally normal and fine do you think he's a murderer now oh he could be I don't think a normal person like every situation I meant I'm like is that going to be a murdery situation right he had his vibe out kind of because he was like I don't like the sound of basically said to her and she was like don't be crazy.

[877] A murderina by the way is just basically someone like us that someone on Facebook coined who's obsessed with murder.

[878] Yeah.

[879] Okay.

[880] Is that, was that for the first time person that you attacked earlier?

[881] I'm just trying to be nice to them at this point because they're like I know they don't like me. They're like not on my side.

[882] They're not voting for my murder.

[883] We vote on this podcast by the way.

[884] We vote at the Andres to see who won.

[885] Oh God, I hope not.

[886] So anyway, she's like, don't be crazy.

[887] So the next day she goes back over there.

[888] Well, this time she says it's a little, the feeling is a little bit different.

[889] Just a little, there's a little tension in there.

[890] So she's like, great, you know, here's the package.

[891] And she's like, I want you to come back here and come and look at this thing.

[892] And she's like, I really have to go.

[893] I have to pick up my son from school.

[894] I have things I have to do.

[895] And, and she, it was like, she basically kept trying to continue the conversation a little longer than Sarah felt comfortable, you know, it was all that kind of vibe.

[896] And she said, but she just was trying to be polite.

[897] So she wanted to leave.

[898] You guys never be nice.

[899] Yeah.

[900] She wanted to leave, but she was kept airing on the side of politeness.

[901] So at one point she was like she wanted to show her the nursery.

[902] She wanted to, da -da -da.

[903] And then but finally Sarah was like, look, I have to pick up myself from school.

[904] I have to go.

[905] And then she went into labor pains.

[906] Like she said she was having labor pains.

[907] Good Sarah, bad Sarah.

[908] Bad Sarah says she's having labor pains.

[909] So she starts screaming like a lunatic.

[910] And she pulls Good Sarah into the bathroom.

[911] And that is when Sarah said, she looked at her face and her face was the face of a completely different person.

[912] Like it was crazy, wild eyes, super scary.

[913] And then all of a sudden, like a light switch, she stopped screaming and said, oh, I guess that's over.

[914] And so our Sarah is super weirded out and is like, all right, I, if you're okay, I have to go.

[915] And she's like, yeah, yeah, just hold on one second.

[916] I just need to go get this thing.

[917] So she goes back into the back of the apartment.

[918] Bad Sarah does.

[919] Good Sarah's coming out.

[920] She looks, she kind of like looks into a room.

[921] And she said there was a People magazine cover that was framed.

[922] And whoever the celebrity was in the picture, she had scratched their face out.

[923] And so she was like, all of a sudden I was like, this is wrong.

[924] This is bad news.

[925] She had framed a photo of a celebrity that she had scratched their face out.

[926] Yes.

[927] I can't remember here.

[928] Just quick side note, you can't watch I survived unless you sign up through your cable, uh, cable subscription, like to watch it on lifetime because they're on lifetime now.

[929] And I tried to do it like 20 times so I could just get the word for word of this middle part of the story.

[930] I like it better when you tell it.

[931] Okay.

[932] Okay, good.

[933] Well, but I just wanted to get this detail of like, because I think she said it was either Sarah Jessica Parker or like she says.

[934] It's got to be Brangeline.

[935] Let's say Brangelina and the Angelina part of it is fucking scratched.

[936] You can get the details if you watch.

[937] It's season two, episode 10.

[938] I just couldn't access it through my laptop.

[939] Anyhow.

[940] Yeah.

[941] She's got the bad chills.

[942] She's freaking out.

[943] So she's like, I got to get out of here.

[944] She also then sees some paperwork with the name, like a bill or something.

[945] thing with the name Katie Smith on it so she's like this isn't good so she goes and she's like I really have to leave and Sarah says okay but can can I take can I get a hug and of course she wants to say no but she feels like she has to say yes for some strange reason don't let people touch you if you're not comfortable with it she goes in for the hug and when they come out of the hug bad Sarah raises up a huge kitchen knife and tries to stab her our Sarah puts her hand up blocks blocks it and grabs the knife no no I just scared the shit out of Mimi my god oh no has to grab the knife no knocks it away the knife goes on the ground our Sarah grabs the door runs out runs up the stairs is screaming and running in this apartment building gets to the front door of the apartment building grabs it tries to unlock it Bad Sarah is right behind her grabs her by the hair drags her screaming kicking and screaming back downstairs back down to the basement apartment Oh my God No one in the apartment building hears or comes out or does anything Oh my God She gets dragged back into the apartment I don't think I can deal with this one You got to hang in here with me Okay because remember the name of the show I know I survived Okay Sarah's the one telling us this story she gets pulled back into the apartment oh also the first this reminds me the first time she went there when she walked in the door the first time when she was like it was fine no big deal she did remember oh yeah she did lock the door after me when I walked in I do that though you do all right so maybe we want to hold that one again still I get why that would be creepy I know it's just weird for friends not for people I don't know and also they live in Fort Mitchell, Kentucky, a tiny town apparently, according to what I read.

[946] Yeah.

[947] So it's not, it's, you know, it's not, and then I gave up my address.

[948] But, but, so, so she pulls her back in and now they're, now she knows she's in a fight for her life.

[949] So she's like, I got to protect my baby and I got to stay alive.

[950] So they start wrestling and they go over the couch.

[951] They hit the coffee table.

[952] They're wrestling, wrestling, wrestling.

[953] Hitting.

[954] each other, the whole thing, and finally good Sarah grabs the knife, stabs her three times.

[955] Holy shit.

[956] Yeah.

[957] Because this girl's trying to stab her to death.

[958] I thought this was going to be, it takes the baby case.

[959] Well, Sarah staggers upstairs, covered in blood, with her own, good Sarah, with her own, her hands are completely slashed.

[960] Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, she gets outside and like, gets across the street and is, like, laying on the sidewalker, the, you know, the ditch or whatever.

[961] She got as far away as she could, and then she basically was out.

[962] The cops show up and find her there.

[963] Then they go down to the basement apartment and find this girl whose real name is Katie Smith dead.

[964] So they're holding Sarah, Brady.

[965] Sure.

[966] Our Sarah.

[967] Yeah.

[968] Holding her, you just murdered this girl, this friend of yours, they were saying.

[969] And she's like, no, no, no. So, and they're like, you just murdered a pregnant woman.

[970] So, well, they go in and they search her apartment.

[971] She is not really pregnant.

[972] No. It was a false belly.

[973] Of course.

[974] She's never been pregnant.

[975] She's 22 years old.

[976] She's got the full nursery set up.

[977] She's got all the stuff.

[978] But then in another room, she's got all kinds of OBGYN equipment.

[979] Oh, my God.

[980] Including.

[981] Sorry.

[982] including oh and a they uncovered an obstetrics kit obstetrics kit equipped with gloves and surgical scissors in Smith's apartment holy shit and they finally put it together that Katie Smith was planning on stabbing Sarah Brady and cutting her fetus out of her body I'm so this is how I thought it was going to end and I wanted to cry that's what she was intending to do she had this girl Katie Smith had told everyone in her family and all her neighbors that she was pregnant with twins she was showing people a sonogram of twins she had everybody convinced and now she now she was at the quote unquote nine month period and she had to get a baby and apparently this girl this the bad Katie was obsessed with pregnancy from her teenage years so it's so this had been she had been a little off or whatever and always had a thing about wanting babies and having babies in this whole thing.

[983] So Sarah Brady, the cops bring her in and once they discover all this other stuff, they're like, oh, she was trying to kill you.

[984] And she's like, yeah, that's what I was telling you.

[985] Like, we're not friends.

[986] I don't know that girl.

[987] Yeah, this wasn't something of two pregnant women who were pissed at each other.

[988] This woman tried to kill me. And so even though she got brought in and questioned, she was cleared of all, she was never charged with anything.

[989] She was cleared of all suspicion.

[990] Nine months pregnant, and she fucking beat the shit.

[991] And she fucking survived, and then they show, this is why I love her.

[992] It's because, first of all, when you watch this episode of I survived, she's like every girl you went to high school with.

[993] She's, she's, like, exactly how you picture her.

[994] She's just cute and young, and she tells a story, like, then she tried to stab me. She's like a normal human being.

[995] It says, like, you know her.

[996] I totally feel like I've met her before.

[997] Yeah.

[998] and then they show a picture of her with her little daughter the baby that she has who's completely happy and healthy and her whole thing is like this had to happen i i now know what i'm made of i'm like this is what motherhood does this is the power of women there was no way i was going to let her hurt my child and it is the you just adore her at the end of this episode and she and she says like i wish that that girl wasn't so sick but i did what i had to do and i you know got therapy or whatever, but I, this is what I had to do.

[999] I wouldn't have done it if she, you know, hadn't attacked me. I just got butterflies in my womb for like the first time in like years.

[1000] Yeah.

[1001] That's the power of motherhood.

[1002] That's the power of my storytelling on your motherhood.

[1003] Karen, can I say?

[1004] That was a fucking great storytelling.

[1005] Did you like that one?

[1006] Like you, you put, that was a good one.

[1007] That was one of the best storytellings that we've had.

[1008] Of my life?

[1009] No. now you've done better than that I can't recommend I survived enough because their stories become your story I'm watching it now I've told that one a bunch of times That is crazy It's my favorite It's my favorite She was also on Oprah this girl No good for her What can oh my God Tell me about is it the brother -in -law Uh huh I don't know He just got to the cop station I was like told you so I fucking told you Sarah What did I say You were just screaming that into her face you fucking idiot she's crying with her hands all bandaged what how bad would he have felt if she had actually gotten killed or whatever and he was like i told her so but also it's like that's the thing is he said i have a bad feeling just let us go over there with you and she was like no no no that's another thing is like if somebody else just says well i'll just go with you yeah what's the harm it's the big deal let them go with you let's not let's all make a pact everyone listening to not go in anyone's house that we don't know ever Even if it seems innocent.

[1010] Really like a party or something?

[1011] What you're saying is always take a buddy.

[1012] Always take a buddy.

[1013] Always take a buddy.

[1014] Like don't be like, oh, come over.

[1015] Like, come in.

[1016] I have a, you know, let me grab the letter that I was going to.

[1017] Right.

[1018] No. No one has a letter for you.

[1019] That's a lie.

[1020] Say you have allergies.

[1021] Just say, oh, I'm sorry.

[1022] I'm really sick.

[1023] You can throw out any kind of period reference people will let you get out of anything.

[1024] Mm -hmm.

[1025] Like the 1700s, any period.

[1026] at all.

[1027] Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

[1028] Last to see an era.

[1029] No, I love a good pun.

[1030] My mom used to do a thing where she's like, you can blame it on me. If you don't want to do like this thing, just say your mom won't let you.

[1031] Karen and Georgia right now are telling you you can blame it on mom for your mom.

[1032] Say my friend Karen will get really mad.

[1033] And it's probably true.

[1034] Because I have a serious temper.

[1035] I'm sorry, if I come to that thing with you, my friend, Karen.

[1036] And just point over your shoulder with your thumb.

[1037] like I'm nearby.

[1038] Like a vague point.

[1039] A vague reference to you.

[1040] Sorry.

[1041] My friend Karen won't let me. Karen's in the car.

[1042] Yeah.

[1043] But you could just be listening to the podcast.

[1044] Karen's in the car.

[1045] That's right.

[1046] We're always with you.

[1047] And we're always mad about something.

[1048] Oh, that was so good.

[1049] Tell me her name again.

[1050] Sarah Brady.

[1051] Sarah Brady.

[1052] From Fort Williams, Kentucky.

[1053] Don't fuck with Sarah Brady.

[1054] Don't fuck with any, any of her type.

[1055] No. Yeah.

[1056] It's good stuff.

[1057] I mean, you got to watch that episode because the way she tells the story of fighting this girl off is nuts.

[1058] She looks like she looks like the girl that would sit next to you in a home room telling a story about fighting off a knife attack.

[1059] Jesus.

[1060] And it's always like you think of yourself as like, I have black hair and I would kick this person's ass.

[1061] And then it's like, nope, it's the little fucking tiny cute one.

[1062] It's always a little tiny cute one.

[1063] It's those, it's the ones you don't expect.

[1064] Yeah.

[1065] Well, also, a. imagine like a huge kitchen knife somebody even jokingly raising it up above your head you'd just be like what is happening yeah I certainly wouldn't catch it with my hands ha ha ha ha yeah really I have a harder time with that than it's so awful that is lots of those stories oh my I think I really have an issue yeah I really can't it's gross even defensive loans man horrible um do you want to hear I am oh A hometowner?

[1066] Home towner?

[1067] Yes.

[1068] I got one cute.

[1069] All right.

[1070] You know, so some, I'm not going to say this because some people are going to send it to me. There's a different email address.

[1071] Some people send it to me and then I know you haven't read it.

[1072] So sometimes I read it.

[1073] But I don't want people sending them to my email address because it's a lot.

[1074] Because I have anxiety and stress.

[1075] Okay.

[1076] There's plenty of ways to get a hold of us like at my favorite murder at gmail .com.

[1077] Yeah, we should say that.

[1078] My favorite murder at Gmail.

[1079] Yeah.

[1080] Send your hometown murders there.

[1081] Totally.

[1082] So many good ones.

[1083] All right.

[1084] So this is from Paula.

[1085] I was 10 years old and it was 1990.

[1086] Hey, we're the same age.

[1087] Hey, hi.

[1088] My brother was graduating from Hickman County High School that year.

[1089] Hickman County is a rural Tennessee town where maybe someone shoots up the trailer park because someone cheats.

[1090] And then it says, in parentheses, maybe it was my cousin's husband.

[1091] What's her name again?

[1092] Paula.

[1093] Paula.

[1094] But in the spring of 1990, the high school was still conducting a type of pre -graduation religious ceremony called a baccalaureate.

[1095] Baccalaureate.

[1096] Do you know what that is?

[1097] We had that too, yeah.

[1098] Oh.

[1099] Yeah.

[1100] I barely graduated high school.

[1101] No, that's a Catholic thing.

[1102] Okay.

[1103] It was supposed to be held on Sunday afternoon after church with the graduates, usually around 150 kids and their immediate families in attendance.

[1104] Well, all of us were at church that morning.

[1105] The school science teacher was turning the school into one giant bomb that would have went off during the ceremony the school assistant principal Mr. Ron motherfucking Wallace that's the motherfucking is for me because Mr. Ron Wallace had a daughter that was graduating so he came in early to make sure everything would run smoothly.

[1106] He apparently startled the science teacher Donald Givens was his name.

[1107] Donald shot and killed him and since everything wasn't ready yet parentheses he had it set to slowly gas so that it would be an explosive, beat on an explosive level during the ceremony.

[1108] Holy shit.

[1109] That's some fucking Walter White shit.

[1110] Yeah.

[1111] He panicked and just set things on fire.

[1112] So Mr. Wallace being murdered saved hundreds of lives.

[1113] Oh.

[1114] The FBI did say that everything was actually set up correctly and it would have blown if his plan had been carried out.

[1115] Myself and my entire family would have been casualties.

[1116] It's such a weird event for me to reflect almost 30 years later.

[1117] Oh, God.

[1118] is it 35?

[1119] When I think of everything in my life since then, it was a national headline at the time, though being although being when it was, it's hard now to find good info on why exactly he did it.

[1120] Mostly just town gossipy reasons at this point.

[1121] I bet he hated those kids.

[1122] Oh my God, yeah.

[1123] So much.

[1124] He was, what is he, the science teacher?

[1125] Is that what we said?

[1126] Man, those little shits.

[1127] That's insane.

[1128] How crazy is that?

[1129] I feel like I've never heard a story of a teacher that tried to kill everybody at once.

[1130] No, he was pissed.

[1131] That's amazing.

[1132] And that's actually 150 kids.

[1133] That's a lot of kids.

[1134] It's not a small school.

[1135] It's not like 50 kids or whatever.

[1136] Yeah.

[1137] Fuck, Paula.

[1138] Paula, that was good.

[1139] Paula, that was incredible.

[1140] That was a near miss. And guess what?

[1141] It's another survivor story.

[1142] Oh, my God.

[1143] Kind of accidentally, but.

[1144] I didn't even do that in purpose.

[1145] Look at us.

[1146] Look at us.

[1147] Look at our podcasting.

[1148] And also, look who came in the room.

[1149] he's ready for his clothes out Elvis knows when we're wrapping up and walks in and sits on the couch waiting for his part.

[1150] He starts salivating when he hears us get sad and be like, how do we wrap this up?

[1151] He's like, oh, this is, it's time.

[1152] Every time he hears the tone go down, he's like, ah, yes.

[1153] Oh, yeah.

[1154] You know what that mean.

[1155] Every time I stop going, oh, my God, at your stories.

[1156] Can I say this?

[1157] You want to say this year?

[1158] This year?

[1159] Where are we?

[1160] All year long.

[1161] Okay, but first we have to, first.

[1162] Oh, yeah.

[1163] Oh, thanks for listening.

[1164] Fave murder on Twitter, you know, do things.

[1165] Do rate, review, subscribe, iTunes.

[1166] Fuck, yeah.

[1167] The usual stuff.

[1168] Here we go.

[1169] I think we're number seven on the comedy list again, which is crazy.

[1170] We're back up in the number two.

[1171] That's really nice.

[1172] Oh, cool.

[1173] Thanks, everybody.

[1174] We love you.

[1175] Tell a friend about it.

[1176] Or your Uber driver.

[1177] Stay sexy.

[1178] And don't get murdered.

[1179] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[1180] You got to say cookie?

[1181] Cookie?

[1182] Oh, he's confused.

[1183] Elvis, what if I gave you a cookie?

[1184] Elvis, don't make this part of the edited version of our podcast.

[1185] We can't.

[1186] We don't make eye contact with it.

[1187] Because he's cross -eyed and he can't.

[1188] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[1189] God.

[1190] You want a cookie?

[1191] Good boy.

[1192] Don't get murdered, you guys.

[1193] Bye.