Slash

[0] Um, hey, I'm Slash, and, uh, I'm feeling pretty damn good about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[1] All he's here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[2] I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[3] Hello there, and welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[4] I'm using my good podcast voice.

[5] Very malefluous, very professional.

[6] Sona, how are you?

[7] I'm good.

[8] And terrific.

[9] Sona always brings the goods.

[10] And that's why we have you here.

[11] Because if we didn't have you next to me saying, I'm good, what would I do?

[12] And how are you, Mr. Gourley?

[13] I'm good.

[14] Very terrific.

[15] Well, I'm an improv hell right now.

[16] I am a man. Are we improvving?

[17] I'm a man trying to swim away from Niagara Falls.

[18] The current is pulling me back.

[19] and I'm pulling two cinder blocks with me. One name Matt, one name Sona.

[20] I have a beef, something that I want to complain about that I've noticed lately.

[21] And I don't know if it bothers anybody else, but I'm noticing lately that a celebrity will pass away and the celebrity will be quite old, someone who's an icon.

[22] Yeah.

[23] And this has happened two or three times in the last two weeks.

[24] And I'm not going to bum people out by naming specific names, but someone will die at, you know, in their 90s.

[25] and they're a star of stage and screen, and then a couple of days later there'll be an article that reveals their cause of death.

[26] And I'm like, who needs that anymore?

[27] I think, you know what I mean?

[28] It just, it just, well, what do you mean?

[29] I'm not curious.

[30] It just, I think when someone is 98, you don't have to say, well, here's what happened.

[31] Well, I mean, unless it's spicy.

[32] Yeah, unless it's like, no, but it's not spicy.

[33] Shot robbing a bank.

[34] I know, but that's what I was going to say that I keep reading these venerable people who were in their late 90s, close to 100, are passing away.

[35] And it's, you know, oh, wow, we should take a moment.

[36] We should really think about these people.

[37] These are great people and you feel the sadness of their passing.

[38] But I don't then need an article a couple of days later that says, all right, you're ready for this?

[39] We figured it out.

[40] Like, we don't need to figure it out.

[41] And it reminds me of the time Jack Klugman passed away And Jack Klugman had been, you know, great actor.

[42] Of course, many people known from the TV show The Odd Couple, but he had famously like, you know, I think lived a full life and he had had a lot of bouts with different diseases and cancer.

[43] He's a big, I think he's a big smoker.

[44] And anyway, but he beat it all.

[45] And then finally, at a very advanced age, he finally succumbed, you know, and passed away.

[46] But this is after you thought he was very sick, like 20 years earlier.

[47] but still kept, you know, and he finally passed away.

[48] And so I'm talking to my brother Neil on the phone.

[49] And I said to Neil, oh, I just, oh, I just see it right here on the background.

[50] It's on the TV that Jack Klugman died.

[51] My brother Neil said, what happened?

[52] What happened?

[53] Well, Neil, he built a rocket.

[54] Uh -huh.

[55] And he strapped himself to it and tried to go to the moon, and it blew up.

[56] What do you mean?

[57] What happened?

[58] So I want, I don't know what my fate is.

[59] None of us really know.

[60] Sony, you probably know because you probably hired someone to kill me. But you know exactly what's going to happen to me. Yes.

[61] But I don't think we need a national investigation.

[62] If I make it past, I just want there to be, if I make it pass 95, you know.

[63] 95.

[64] So if you if you pass at 94, you want people to know to know how.

[65] If at 94, I want there to be a thorough investigation.

[66] I want an autopsy, and I want everyone around me arrested and held for questioning.

[67] Yes, 94, if I go at 94, I want everyone around me immediately apprehended and questioned and body searches, cavity searches.

[68] Oh, man. I want everyone to check cameras, but from 95 on, I want people just to toss me out the nearest window.

[69] What if it's funny?

[70] Like, what if you pass away, like, on the toilet?

[71] And it's, you know it's funny, and you know people will think it's funny.

[72] I mean, we have to release that it's on that toilet.

[73] I don't like toilet humor.

[74] And so I would ask that that be kept quiet.

[75] I think if I'm, you know, riding a super fast motorcycle at 95 and I crash, I crash into a ferris wheel and I get tangled up with the ferris wheel and my, my bleeding.

[76] body that's also on fire is going in a big circle on the Ferris wheel and a crowd gathers and people just start roasting marshmallows and every time that the wheel gets lower down they all rush forward and put their marshmallows out but then as the wheel lifts they retreat and the guy who operates the isn't there the guy who operates the Ferris wheel isn't there and there's just a sign that says back in two days.

[77] He's on a break for two days.

[78] Then that's funny to me. Then that's funny to me. How is that going to work?

[79] Cause of death and then like a two -paragraph explanation of that?

[80] You know what's going to say?

[81] It's going to say the coroner did a thorough investigation.

[82] Mr. O 'Brien's rocket sled motorcycle struck the ferris wheel at approximately 140 miles an hour.

[83] Mr. O 'Brien was not killed by the impact.

[84] Miraculously, he was wearing well -armored motorcycle gear.

[85] he crumpled he caught fire but according to everything eyewitnesses say he shrieked and screamed like a monkey for two days for quite a while on the ferris wheel he was alive but the attendant had left and was missing and no one could stop the ferris wheel not because they didn't know how to but it's a union thing no one was allowed to approach the lever and Mr. O 'Brien's flaming corpse Flaming Body, he shrieked and screamed for a day and a half, but the coroner says that he died of dehydration.

[86] If someone had at least given him a sip of water, he'd be alive today to tell the story.

[87] Conan O 'Brien gone at 95 from a jet motorcycle crash into a ferris wheel and subsequent marshmallow cookout.

[88] An epidemic that's sweeping the nation.

[89] Then, Neil, can call up and go, what happened?

[90] That would make sense.

[91] All right, well, we should begin.

[92] Yes.

[93] It's important.

[94] This is a very, very, very important interview.

[95] Yes.

[96] And I'm excited.

[97] I know you're thrilled, Sona.

[98] This is one I've been looking forward to forever.

[99] Yeah.

[100] I love this.

[101] I love him so much.

[102] All right.

[103] It's so important to me. Okay.

[104] Second only to me. My guitar was just...

[105] Number one.

[106] Someone fixed that in editing, so I come out number one.

[107] My guest today.

[108] No. everyone's let's do this for God's sake my guest today is widely considered to be one of the greatest guitarists of all time he's a member of the legendary rock band Guns and Roses who recently reunited to tour last year over the past decade he's also collaborated with Miles Kennedy and the conspirators and their new album four is available now it really is an honor to have this gentleman with us today slash welcome we've actually known each other quite a while I was thinking about it this morning I saw I was at the at a rehearsal the other day or actually my storage where I keep on my equipment and there's different things that are attacked on the walls over years and years of being at this place and one of the things was the cover of the back cover of my first solar record and in that picture is that bicycle yes we got to tell people who don't know but I think this was that was that was 12 years ago.

[109] It was 12 years ago.

[110] It was a Tonight Show bit where you were so kind.

[111] You went with me. We were just screwing around in some neighborhood.

[112] I was trying to get to know the neighborhood around the studio.

[113] We're like North Hollywood.

[114] In North Hollywood.

[115] And completely cold.

[116] We went to a yard sale.

[117] Have you ever seen this one?

[118] I thought it was like you went to Craigslist ad.

[119] You're right.

[120] Okay.

[121] That was a Craigslist ad.

[122] We were looking for guitars.

[123] Yes.

[124] That's it.

[125] Okay.

[126] I forget everything I've ever done.

[127] But it was a Craigslist And we were looking for guitars And then I would say That was the big surprise Is can my friend check out the guitar And it was you checking out these guitars But then at one point We weren't interested in buying the guitar But the guy had this bike And it was a really cool bike From the 70s that had a gear shift Yeah It was like a Schwinn 5 speed or something like that And it was orange I remember that It was orange And so I remember thinking Oh this is so cool Slash is going along with it You were like, cool, cool, I'll take it.

[128] Oh my God, what the hell was that?

[129] There was just an attempt on Slash's Life in studio.

[130] Where did that come from?

[131] That would be your wrap -it -up light.

[132] Yeah, yeah, that's great.

[133] Oh, my God, you're haunted by yourself.

[134] The light just fell, a light just fell off the wall.

[135] You're killing it today.

[136] I guess wrap it up.

[137] Yeah.

[138] Incredible.

[139] You were, wow, this is not a professional outfit, as you can tell.

[140] But anyway, a plastic light just detached from the wall, fell, shattered right near slash missing him by inches.

[141] I'm amazed that that is that heavy.

[142] Yeah, yeah, you were almost killed and I apologize, but that's what you get.

[143] We got this studio on Craigslist.

[144] But going back to the story, you were...

[145] But it was, the guy was a hoarder.

[146] Yeah, yeah.

[147] And we could only walk through the house through this little thin little lane and was the guy and his dad, they both opened the door with no shirts on.

[148] Yes.

[149] You can look to this.

[150] up.

[151] I encourage you to look this up online.

[152] But you bought me the bicycle.

[153] Yes.

[154] And it was really fun.

[155] About you the bicycle.

[156] And then you got on it and you drove it away.

[157] And then I thought, okay, once you're out of camera range, you're going to ditch the bike.

[158] You didn't.

[159] And then I talked to you afterwards and you're like, no, no, that's a really good bike.

[160] I like that bike.

[161] And you kept the bike.

[162] I kept the bike.

[163] I actually ended up on the ceiling at that studio after a while.

[164] We just hung it up.

[165] there, and it was there for years and years and years.

[166] Now they sold the studio, so I'm not sure where the bike is at this point.

[167] I'm going to find you that.

[168] And I wish I had known he was going to sell it because I would have gone and picked it up, you know, and I would have rode it here this morning.

[169] That would have blown your mind.

[170] I think that would have blown a lot of people's minds.

[171] I'm trying to merge, but Slash is in front of me on a small boys bicycle from the 70s, and I can't seem to get to the exit.

[172] Well, you know, I used to race BMX, so that would be.

[173] That would be totally fun for me. I'd get on the bike, go all the way.

[174] I'm on my way to coin.

[175] It's just an interesting thing.

[176] You were into BMX bikes before you were into guitar, right?

[177] I was just starting to race professionally when I picked up the guitar.

[178] And so prior to that, I was like racing 13, 14 novice, and then 14, 15 was the next class that I ended up in.

[179] And I started doing like the Mongo's Grand Nationals and all that kind of stuff.

[180] Wait, you were seriously into BNX.

[181] I didn't realize you were that into it, that accomplished.

[182] That was going to be the stepping stone into motocross for me. Right.

[183] And which, of course, I could never afford it.

[184] I could barely afford to buy a bicycle.

[185] And then all of a sudden, I discovered guitar.

[186] And, like, literally, in a 24 -hour period, I went from aspiring to be a professional pro, you know, pro -motor cross guy.

[187] Right.

[188] To a guitar player.

[189] So you made this decision based on trying to protect your cartilage, probably.

[190] You were like, you looked at the Les Paul and you looked at the BMA, next bike and you thought, there's a longer career with the less pole.

[191] Yeah, well, I mean, all things consider, I think the motorcross is probably safer.

[192] That's true.

[193] That's true.

[194] I didn't think of it that way.

[195] You know what's incredible is to think that, how old were you when you started playing the guitar then?

[196] I was just, it was the summer right before I turned 15.

[197] To me, it's always felt like it's crucial that you start sometime between like 12 and 16 you've got to start playing guitar I was 22 when I started and I remembered saying to no one in particular I'll never be good at this because I'm 22 it was too I waited too long and that's just the way it is I think you need to get started when you're 15 and you can obsess like that it's hard to say because it's like you usually have sort of established what turns you on by that time.

[198] 22, or not, right?

[199] Right.

[200] So, like, when you discover an instrument and you start putting those hours into it, when you're younger, you know, then you sort of established that thing, right?

[201] So if you didn't do it by the time you're 22, you're probably doing something else.

[202] Right, exactly.

[203] Right.

[204] That makes any sense.

[205] No, it does make sense.

[206] I've been thinking a lot about you.

[207] I heard you were going to do the podcast, very excited, and I was thinking about this luxury I have with the podcast, which is I pretty much exclusively get to talk to people that I really admire who inspire me. That's one of the nice things.

[208] Oh, that's flattering.

[209] Yeah, no, it's, but it's true.

[210] I mean, it's true.

[211] It doesn't always happen in a late night talk show because if you do 4 ,000 of them and you talk to three people a night and you do the math, you don't respect and admire that many people.

[212] Well, you're not always in control of that.

[213] Yes, exactly, exactly.

[214] And then there are people that come through and and but but I've been thinking about you a lot and what makes you so unique in my opinion and I've actually talked to friends we have a friend in common Jimmy Vivino Jimmy yeah my guitar player for for 28 years and and a really good friend talking about what makes you so unique as an artist and where that came from one of the things I was thinking about was you know, just best to start at the beginning, which is your background.

[215] You had a background that probably a lot of fans of yours aren't even completely aware of, which is you're born in England.

[216] Your dad's white, your mom's black.

[217] She's into fat.

[218] She's an incredible fashion person who's designing clothes for David Bowie, all these fascinating people.

[219] And you come from this.

[220] And then you moved to California.

[221] Well, no, I moved to California when I was like really young.

[222] six years old.

[223] So my mom, basically, she was based in Los Angeles.

[224] My dad's in England.

[225] She had gone to Paris.

[226] They met over there.

[227] And then, so they were, my dad was dying to get out of England.

[228] Right.

[229] Didn't get along with his folks.

[230] And so, so we moved to Los Angeles because that's where her work was.

[231] And then he started working in L .A. But it's this fascinating sort of combination of, first of all, it's a literal melting pot of cultures, but also fashion.

[232] that's always been part, I think, of the look was always important to you as well as the sound.

[233] Is that fair to say?

[234] Well, I mean, you know, I was very aware of clothes, obviously, because that was what she was into.

[235] For me, though, I mean, I guess, yeah, I guess a look is, I mean, I always wore T -shirts and jeans.

[236] I haven't changed my sort of fashion structure since I was six.

[237] So I don't know if fashion was so much the thing, but I definitely was aware of the fact that you have to have some sort of a persona or an image, you know, because all the people that she worked with, when I was a kid growing up, I was always around it.

[238] And these people were all bigger than life.

[239] So there was definitely an entertainment, because she worked in the entertainment business on all facets, from TV people to musicians and everything in between, they all had this amazing presence, whether it was the clothes or whether they were just really outspoken or where they were really flamboyant the way that you know whatever so i was aware of that and i don't know if i applied it to myself but i was aware of it you just i mean certainly uh i never knew that your iconic hat was something that you i'm just also want to point out that slash is drinking from an ice coffee he's not rolling dice we're playing a game of craps while we talk but um like the hat was and and i can relate to this a little bit because I know it was just kind of almost an accident.

[240] You like shoplifted.

[241] You shoplifted the hat.

[242] Yeah.

[243] I sold it from a place called Retail Slut.

[244] Let's give a shout out to Retail Slut.

[245] I remember this because...

[246] It's run by Enid Slut, by the way.

[247] There was two stores.

[248] There was Letters and Treasures and Retail Slut next door.

[249] And Tammy Down is a singer from a band called Faster Pussycat used to work.

[250] retail slut.

[251] So that's how I remember the name of it.

[252] And I went in there and I didn't have any money and I always used to wear some sort of a hat.

[253] It was just part of the sort of completed whatever look you had going on.

[254] You had to have a lid.

[255] And I went in there and I just saw the top hat and it just spoke to me, I guess.

[256] You know, and so I was like, okay, so I just, you know, I figured what the fuck.

[257] I just walk out with it and see what happens.

[258] And so I did.

[259] And then I went next door to Leathers and Treasures and I stole a Concho belt and then went back to the apartment.

[260] Me and Axel were living in at the time.

[261] And we had a show with the whiskey that night.

[262] So I took the concho belt and I cut it up and I put it around the hat and I wore it at night.

[263] But it just became a thing where I really identified with it.

[264] Like I wore it all the time.

[265] It was just, it was a way you pull it over your eyes.

[266] You could hide behind it if you were really high.

[267] It was great for bad hair days.

[268] It was just It was, I had, I had no intention of it being this long -term, you know, thing.

[269] Well, I think nothing starts that way, but you start wearing the hat, and then it becomes this thing that you probably, tell me if this has ever happened, and you have to be honest.

[270] You walk in, okay, you have to be honest.

[271] Okay.

[272] You go into a restaurant.

[273] They're having a real busy night.

[274] It's a nice restaurant.

[275] You say, hey, I didn't make a reservation ahead of time, but it's two, you've got room for.

[276] us and they say, I'm sorry, we're just, we're very, very full right now.

[277] We can't help you out and you go, I'll be right back.

[278] And you go out to the car and in the back seat, you open the case and you take out the hat and you put it on and you walk back in and go, I'd like a reservation for two and they go right this way.

[279] No, I've never.

[280] Has that ever happened?

[281] No, that's never happened.

[282] Okay.

[283] But I tell you that when it does, I'll let you know.

[284] And I'll tell you my thing, which is that.

[285] I don't know why, but when I was, I don't know, 15, 16, I started realizing that my hair could kind of stick up and I started combing it up into this big pompadour.

[286] And I want to tell you, this is the late 70s when, I mean, first of all, no one has worn my hairstyle literally since 1959.

[287] Right.

[288] And I just decided my hair does this and I think I need to do this because I think this may be my thing.

[289] Now, I don't know why I decided that, but I wanted.

[290] I didn't know that.

[291] I kind of, so I started combing up my hair like rockabilly style, and to the point of it almost being absurd, and to the point when I'm doing the late night show, people are like, fucking don't do that with your hair.

[292] Like network people are saying, but I remember thinking like, no, it's just got to be this way.

[293] And I remember there was something about it that almost felt like maybe it's somewhat akin to you in the hat, but it was offering me, it was like a talisman.

[294] Do you know what I mean?

[295] Right, right, right.

[296] And then there were times where I feel.

[297] could say this is mine.

[298] Yeah, this is my thing.

[299] And also, you can't mistake me for anybody else, you know?

[300] And since, like, oh, the cable guy will come and I'll answer the door and he'll, my hair is just flat because it's just got, I just woke up.

[301] Right, right.

[302] And the guy I can tell is just like, huh.

[303] And I'll be like, hold on, I'll be right back.

[304] And then you get it up.

[305] Get my hair, hair, see Alice.

[306] And then I come back looking like Steve McGarrack.

[307] in Hawaii 5 -0, and he's like, yes!

[308] That's the Conan I wanted to meet.

[309] That's so funny.

[310] It was really something to hide behind for a long time.

[311] It was just put the hat on and nobody knows who I am or what I'm doing and what I'm up to.

[312] You can't see me, I can't see you, that kind of thing.

[313] Or I can't see you, can't see me. Or else, you really don't want to do a show.

[314] Send another guitarist out there who's pretty good and just put the hat on him.

[315] And maybe people in the back will be like, yeah, it's slash.

[316] No, and I think that was another thing was during shows, it was great to have that because you could sort of like like to this day I still can't look at the audience like straight into the audience right and so having the top hat really you just pulled it down and you could just do your thing and it didn't feel as intimidated by the crowd and so on right when I think about talking to you about guitar there are probably people listening right now who think oh shit they're going to get into this technical stuff and and you know what what are you playing lately yeah whatever what kind of strings do you like to use and tell me about the pickup and it's suddenly become some interview for a guitar magazine and that's not the way I wanted to approach this at all.

[317] I wanted to approach about what I think you've done, which is very rare, is that when you think about the hundreds and hundreds of thousands and millions of rock guitar players, billions, when I hear you playing, I know it's you instantly and you have done something in rock, which is, I think, almost impossible to pull off, which is you have, and especially in your solos, you've made these, the minute you hear three notes, you're like, I know what this is.

[318] I know what this is.

[319] And I think that is in rock and roll where so many people are overly influenced by each other, everyone can end up sounding the same.

[320] So to have a distinctive voice like that with your guitar.

[321] That's the biggest, the fact that you said that, because that's really the ultimate compliment as a musician, is to have an identity, you know, some sort of personality.

[322] And I, you know, as an artist, I can't define that myself.

[323] I can't listen to myself like, oh, that's me. I know, you know, I mean, I know it's me, but I can't have that perspective.

[324] So when you say something like that, it's like if there was anything I ever wanted to get out of being a sort of, you know, someone who puts music out and it's on the radio or anything like that, is that somebody could identify your playing.

[325] Yeah.

[326] It's not how fast you play.

[327] It's not how complicated or is that you have a personality.

[328] Well, that's something that I was going to put this in context.

[329] This is from my perspective, and I've also, I've had long talks with Jimmy Vivino about it, too.

[330] But you look at the time that you're coming out and coming at it in the late 70s, early 80s, people are really worshipping acrobatics on the guitar.

[331] And not to, God, he's a legend and love him.

[332] Eddie Van Halen Steve I they're doing this stuff and I think for a while it became who can blow you away with speed technique you know how technical did it get it's still like that you know and it's still like that to a great extent and I think that was the world to put everybody back in time that's the world that you walked into right and you walk into that world and kind of reclaim I think what Jimmy Page did with a less pole guitar, you reclaimed it and said, it's not about how fast I'm doing it.

[333] It's not about how technically difficult it is.

[334] I'm pulling it back, and it's going to be something, a riff you can't get out of your head.

[335] It's going to be a solo that you can sing after you hear it.

[336] I think that's what you did.

[337] I really do.

[338] Well, that's awesome.

[339] I don't even know it.

[340] Just remember I'm a comedian.

[341] What the fuck do I know?

[342] As a kid coming up, I was raised around a lot of really cool music, and so a lot of it was rock and roll and blues and all that.

[343] And so when I first started playing guitar, right around that time, it was like right before I picked up the guitar is when Eddie came out.

[344] And that first Van Halen record was pretty mind -blowing.

[345] I was like, I'm not even going to go there.

[346] Yeah, yeah.

[347] I'll just stick to the stuff that I was, I agree.

[348] up listening to that I really, really like.

[349] And then, of course, it turned into this whole, like, we're all going to be Eddie Van Halen, which was sort of like, I always thought that his whole trip was just so personal to him.

[350] And it was so, he had so many combinations of things going on that anybody who tried to imitate him just fell incredibly short, you know.

[351] No, in a way, it was very wise to not say, okay, Eddie's Van Halen showing me the way I'm going to go there.

[352] Let Eddie Van Halen be Eddie Van Halen.

[353] Yeah, exactly.

[354] And let Steve.

[355] i be steve i you know when i think about people that play guitar solos that stick in my mind forever that i i think of like the cars elliott easton elliott east is great you know and i think i can i'm not a great singer but i can sing if you just tell me a car song i can almost sing you that solo right because it is so crafted and so perfect and tight and done just correctly and i was thinking about There are people like Aerosmith is a huge, was a huge thing for you when you were young.

[356] Yeah.

[357] I think a lot of people always think, well, okay, Aerosmith, and they think about Joe Perry, and I'm thinking, well, Brad Whitford, you know, is really doing stuff that is getting in your ear.

[358] Creating these things that get in your ear, and they're very distinctive.

[359] And they're part of the song.

[360] Yes.

[361] That's the most important thing.

[362] Like, guitar playing unto itself is great, but, you know, in rock and roll, it's all part of a song.

[363] sort of structure, right?

[364] Yeah.

[365] And as far as the song goes, when the guitar solo comes, it's got to be part of that song.

[366] It can go a lot of different places, but it has to be part of that, right?

[367] And melodic in some sort of way.

[368] And that's one of the things that I used to identify with Brad and Joe and even with Angus Young and obviously, like Keith Richards and Mick Taylor, that was a big one for me. Jeff Beck stuff when he was doing the Jeff Beck group.

[369] There's a whole bunch of guitar players, Jimmy Page, that really enhanced a song with a guitar or so it was, be it fast or slow, or whatever it was, it was part of the sort of melodic soundscape.

[370] Yes, you know.

[371] Right, and it wasn't, hey, watch this.

[372] And it's very adolescent, but a lot of adolescents want to say, check this out, watch this.

[373] And it's true.

[374] And it's almost like the song stops, and then it's like, you know, and it's just, you think it's this separate thing.

[375] And you go, yeah, you learned those.

[376] scales really well.

[377] Man, you doing those scales fast.

[378] That's fine.

[379] I didn't think someone could play those scales that fast.

[380] Hey, and now I'm done, and we're back to the song.

[381] Right, right, right, right.

[382] Like, it's this weird.

[383] You hit every note.

[384] I was listening very carefully.

[385] No, you just actually reminded me of something, though, when I was in junior high, when all this stuff was new and you're sort looking out for other musicians and other guitar players, it's like seventh, eighth grade and and and it's all sort of like new and exciting i went went over to this guy's house i knew this guy named phil davison who was the the biggest stoner still to this day that i ever met and if you saw him he was like a cartoon carrier he was tall lanky had big curly blonde hair and a goatee and he was just perpetually bloodshot eyes and anyway and he but he had a guitar so he was cool right so we used to go over to his house and listen to deep purple records and stuff anyway so he took me to this guy's house.

[386] I guess we were going to go buy a lid off him or something.

[387] And the guy could play all of UFO's rock bottom off of The Strangers in the night.

[388] Air guitar.

[389] Oh my God.

[390] A note for fucking note but air guitar.

[391] And it was and I remember just sitting there really sort of, you know, and he went into this thing and he started the beginning of the song and every little nuance and every little pick scrape and every little trill.

[392] He did with his hands and everything.

[393] And It was amazing.

[394] That's so crazy.

[395] And he played so fast.

[396] Flawless air guitar.

[397] Oh, yeah.

[398] I never really about that.

[399] My specialty in high school was I could do all the synthesizer parts to the whose won't get fooled again with my mouth.

[400] Oh, wait.

[401] Come on, really?

[402] Well, yeah, and I've done it once on here, but it's worth redoing again because I literally was very like, was very precise.

[403] about it.

[404] And so people would be like, can we hear that again?

[405] I'd be like, all right.

[406] So wang!

[407] And I could do the whole thing.

[408] And I could do the whole thing.

[409] And people were like, wouldn't it be great if you really could play an instrument?

[410] You know, and I could do the whole thing.

[411] And people were like, wouldn't it be great if you really could play an instrument?

[412] You You must have been somebody knowed in high school What's it?

[413] You must have been somebody to know I was someone to beat in high school Where is he?

[414] Where is the guy Whose hair goes straight up And does the Who keyboard part?

[415] And does the Who keyboard parts?

[416] I will never unsee that Yeah, I'm sorry Unhear it.

[417] It's terrible.

[418] That's with me forever, thank you.

[419] But you know, one of the things that I was thinking about was, and I think it's very hard to do and you pulled it off.

[420] And I can back this up because I've gone on the internet and checked out people that have guitarists that pay all these tributes to you and they're looking at your stuff and they're quoting all of your work and they've been able to replicate it.

[421] And it's a straight line.

[422] It's guns and roses, obviously, but it's also Velvet Revolver.

[423] It's also the work you've done with Miles Kennedy.

[424] what you've done goes through everything.

[425] You've consistently found ways to make your sound work in these different contexts.

[426] I think, thank you.

[427] I think it's just obsessive drive.

[428] You know, you just love it so much that there's no stopping you from doing it.

[429] You're not intimidated by trying to continue on because you don't have any choice.

[430] You have to just keep going.

[431] You have to play.

[432] You have to find people to play with and outlets and just go out there and just, be fearless about it.

[433] I'm going to get technical for a second.

[434] It's not that technical, but you chose the Les Paul.

[435] But how did you decide Les Paul?

[436] I mean, clearly, the right call for you.

[437] No, but guitars have, you know, like they feel different for different people.

[438] Like, when I first, when I first, the less Paul was always cool looking to me. When I was a little kid way before I had any aspirations of being a guitar player, we had the Zeppelin 2, record.

[439] And I always loved music.

[440] I just didn't have any designs on being a musician.

[441] So I listened to a lot of stuff.

[442] In that particular record, I love the guitar sound of it.

[443] So when I did pick up a guitar and then equated that that was a Les Paul, that was a huge bonus.

[444] I was like, oh, okay, so this is the right guitar then, you know?

[445] Well, I'm such a geek.

[446] Jimmy Page was, it was when he was touring with the Black Crows.

[447] They were on the show.

[448] I remember Jimmy Page really wanted to see the masturbating bear.

[449] And I was just so like, he was, you know, he's like, is the masturbating bear going to be?

[450] And we're like, oh God, no, he's not, but we're going to make him come out.

[451] So you call him up at home and said, did you?

[452] Yeah, yeah.

[453] No, it was a writer, but we had to just, literally, we just had to go find the bear suit and the diaper.

[454] And so sure enough, at the end of the interview, we brought the masturbating bear out, and it was so funny because Jimmy Page was acting, like he was meeting one of his idols.

[455] And it's an idiot in a bear costume with a diaper.

[456] And it's like, I can't breathe.

[457] It must have made quite an impression.

[458] Yes.

[459] Could you masturbate for me?

[460] Would that be all right?

[461] Just for a moment, if I could get you masturbating.

[462] But anyway, he was, he had one of his Les Pauls backstage.

[463] And I think it was.

[464] One of those main two that goes with him everywhere and probably has like nine security guards.

[465] And I just was staring at it and thinking, I don't know if you ever get that way, But sometimes I look at these things.

[466] Oh, yeah.

[467] And I think, wait a minute.

[468] You know, Danny Harrison showed me his dad's guitars once and was handing them to me. And I was like, I may not hold these.

[469] This is the sword that can only be handed to the next king.

[470] You know, who am I?

[471] And then you remember it's a guitar, you know.

[472] It's true, though.

[473] You see the, I mean, it doesn't have to necessarily be musicians.

[474] It could be any kind of tools that people use to produce something that we're all familiar with.

[475] and they become famous and iconic unto themselves.

[476] Yes.

[477] And you get starstruck.

[478] You're like, oh, that's the, you know, like somebody brought me, whose guitar was it?

[479] It was a Rory Gallagher Strat and brought it to a gig.

[480] I didn't want to even touch it.

[481] Yeah, yeah.

[482] Wow.

[483] I must not sally it with my earthly hands.

[484] I was trying to think, was there a time when you ever brought in for session work?

[485] And the only time I could think of was, was it Michael Jackson?

[486] No, I've done a lot of session work with Michael.

[487] Michael Jackson was one of them.

[488] Okay.

[489] When you're asked to do a session from Michael Jackson, who calls?

[490] Well, I was at the, I was at the Hyatt on sunset when it was still the Hyatt, and I was, had a long night previous.

[491] And all the curtains were closed.

[492] You were up reading the Bible.

[493] There was somebody with me helping me read the Bible.

[494] I have those all the time slash.

[495] I'm like Leviticus, and then I get all, you really get into it.

[496] And then.

[497] And then so my phone rang.

[498] and it was a gun's manager at the time.

[499] And he said, Michael Jackson's trying to get in touch with you, wants you to play out on something.

[500] So that's how it started.

[501] And I was, you know, like that's those kind of calls that you get really sort of like, really, you know, me, kind of thing.

[502] And it was very flattering and all that.

[503] And so we set it up and I went down to the record plant not too far from here and met Michael at the studio.

[504] And it was really memorable to me because he was, Not only was it Michael Jackson, but he was with Brooke Shields, which was just, you know, like, wow, okay.

[505] Yeah.

[506] And so we met for a minute, and then he said, well, I'm going to, we're going to go have dinner.

[507] So just do your thing.

[508] And left me with the engineer.

[509] Wait, he didn't stick around from what you were doing?

[510] No. And so I just, I had this song called, what was it called, Given to Me, I think it was?

[511] And that was basically how it started.

[512] And then he called me back to do something for black or white.

[513] And then after that, we started doing a bunch of shows.

[514] together and actually got to be pretty good friends.

[515] Was he always with a different super famous person every time you saw him?

[516] That was the only time was the Brook Shields.

[517] Hey, you're with Merv Griffin.

[518] Yeah, well.

[519] Hey, that's the host of Candlepins for Cash in Boston.

[520] I would like it if the celebrities got smaller and smaller and more obscure.

[521] But that would make me happy.

[522] The first session I ever did, outside session I can think of before Michael Kim Wong was Alice Cooper, right which was really sort of cool you know like to have als cooper is somebody that has been a is an icon that I grew up with and all that that was like a major call I got to meet him once and he walks around with it you know a cane that he doesn't use he doesn't use it because he has a limp or anything he has a cane um as sort of you know the way you have a hat he has a cane you know and the way a prop but I compliment him on it And he was like, here you go.

[523] And I guess he had like 50 more.

[524] Right.

[525] And you have it?

[526] I think I have it.

[527] Yeah, it's one of those things I got to find.

[528] I thought it doubles as a five iron or something.

[529] You can screw on a little club head and you can play.

[530] Alice is great.

[531] Alice has been around fucking forever.

[532] And he's the most together, unaffected.

[533] Yeah.

[534] Even though he's been affected many times over, he still comes out being very unaffected.

[535] Eastern, very even -keeled fucking rock guy.

[536] I don't know.

[537] Your story about Michael reminded me of the time that I was told a bunch of years and years ago, hey, Conan, Prince is going to call you.

[538] He wants to ask you something.

[539] And I'd never met Prince, you know, and he'd never been on the show.

[540] I think he wanted to ask and maybe he was thinking about doing the show but wasn't sure.

[541] But I'll never forget.

[542] I went into my office and they said, okay, here's the phone call.

[543] and I get on the phone and a voice who's not Prince says is this Conan O 'Brien?

[544] And I said, yes, this is Conan O 'Brien?

[545] All right, please hold.

[546] And then I hold for a long time, long time.

[547] And then a different voice gets on, also not Prince.

[548] Are you still Conan?

[549] Is this Conan O 'Brien?

[550] And I go, yes.

[551] Well, please continue holding.

[552] And this is when he had changed his name to the artist.

[553] And he would please continue holding for the artist.

[554] And I wait.

[555] And then a different voice gets on.

[556] And it's like, this is Conan O 'Brien holding.

[557] Is that correct?

[558] And I go, yes.

[559] very well.

[560] Please be patient and we will be...

[561] Meanwhile, they're all sitting in a room laughing.

[562] Yeah.

[563] That's exactly what I'm thinking.

[564] And then finally, a voice gets on, also not Prince.

[565] And it goes, Conner O 'Brien, I go, yes, this remains, continues to be Conan O 'Brien.

[566] I've grown a beard in the time that I've been on this phone call.

[567] And he said, okay, I'm going to get off.

[568] And the next voice you hear will be that of the artist.

[569] That's a quote.

[570] And I went, okay.

[571] And then there's just this long pause and I hear the phone switch over and I just go, here, hey.

[572] And I was like, hello?

[573] Hi.

[574] And I went, oh, hi, this is Conan.

[575] Okay, hey.

[576] And then, you know, I think he was, wanted to ask me briefly some questions.

[577] He was thinking maybe he'd do a late night show he wasn't sure he wanted to chat with me. I don't think he ever came on so clearly whatever I said was the wrong thing.

[578] But yes, I had the exact same thought that you had, which is this is just happening over the phone.

[579] They're just passing around.

[580] And also, is it possible that it's Prince changing his voice every time?

[581] Has Prince called The Gardner in?

[582] Has Prince called...

[583] No, I think I would have thought the same thing.

[584] You know, like, what are all the different possibilities that are going on?

[585] Because you have nothing else to do but sit there and think, right?

[586] Yeah.

[587] Oh, I had a lot of time to think.

[588] There are moments in my life where I'm talking to somebody or I'm getting to perform with someone who meant so much to me or means so much to me that I kind of step outside myself while it's happening and observe.

[589] Like, this is happening right now.

[590] Have you had that playing with other guitarists where you step outside yourself and think, I'm with, I can't believe it.

[591] I'm trading licks with this person.

[592] Yeah, many times.

[593] Playing with Aerosmith guys, the first time was definitely one of those.

[594] the first time I jammed with well second time I jammed with BB King because apparently the first time well there was a first time I just didn't remember I know really embarrassing I saw him I saw him I sat down with him we ate at this restaurant in Vegas and I would love to jam him and he was well we jammed that one time I was like oh wow what you did was you broke slash you broke the Cardinal Rule in show business you never say nice to meet you yeah right right all we good to see you.

[595] Okay.

[596] Yeah, yeah, just in case, right.

[597] Yeah.

[598] Because, yeah, what I thought was the first time meeting Courtney Cox, I said, so nice to meet you.

[599] And she said, we met at the White House, correspondence dinner.

[600] And I was like, I'll never forget that lesson.

[601] Yeah, I have that same.

[602] You know what?

[603] I'm going to remember you said that because I have that problem a lot.

[604] I do.

[605] I've got a lot of people.

[606] Today you said to me, really nice to meet you, Conan.

[607] Long time fan.

[608] And I had to remind you.

[609] We've known each other 15 years.

[610] Yeah, slash, I'm your son.

[611] Why won't you acknowledge him?

[612] He's your son and has been your son.

[613] That's funny.

[614] That's not funny, actually.

[615] No, there's someone who shall remain nameless that every time I see them, I say, it's great to me. Anyway.

[616] But yeah, BB King is one of those guys.

[617] Actually, I could go on, Joe Walsh's, you know, any, Anybody that you get to play with that you really sort of were influenced by coming up, you know, and you get to stand on stage with them and play off of them is one of those moments where you have to stand outside of yourself.

[618] Do you get nervous?

[619] I get nervous, like in the drop.

[620] When it comes to playing, I'm already sort of nervous anyway, you know, right before you perform.

[621] It just always has been that way.

[622] So when you get up to go jam with some, you know, illustrious musician that you've been listening to all your life, yeah, you're a little nervous.

[623] Someone like B .B. King, who comes from a completely...

[624] Who actually will make you not feel nervous as much as possible because he's so down to earth, that guy.

[625] But I had a good learning experience.

[626] I was working with Ray Charles for a little bit, beginning of the millennium.

[627] And at one point, I went in with his band.

[628] We're working on that movie, Ray, to play actual standards, which I had no idea how to play.

[629] And Ray, I played on some other stuff, and he liked my blues playing.

[630] So he wanted me to play on this.

[631] But these were like, so they gave me chord charts because I don't read music.

[632] And there's all these guys who've been playing with Ray since time began.

[633] And they all looked at me like, no. No, we're not going to do this exercise with you and teach you how to pay a E -flat, flat 11, you know.

[634] Okay, so that's something that just absolutely blows my mind is when someone...

[635] They were so stuck in their ways.

[636] They're like, there's no way that we're even going to sit here and try to work this out.

[637] But also there's a whole world of musicians that come from an era where they read, they cite read, and then you don't read music.

[638] Right.

[639] But I definitely respect people who know how to read music like I can read a book.

[640] That's a pretty cool skill to have.

[641] Yeah.

[642] So kids, if you're out there, do the work, you know, because it can come in handy.

[643] And especially if you're doing session work and they're just going to hand you, you know, a piece of music and you need to perform it.

[644] inside of an hour.

[645] It's, you know, they're not going to sit there and wait for you to sort of pick it up by ear.

[646] So now, I want to make sure that I mention this because this is so cool, you are working again with Miles Kennedy and the conspirators, and you got this new album.

[647] Yeah.

[648] Four.

[649] Yeah.

[650] This is the fourth album.

[651] Yes.

[652] I figured that out myself.

[653] I figured it was time to sort of remind people that we had three other records.

[654] That was the main thing.

[655] And you made this during COVID.

[656] Yeah.

[657] we did this during COVID.

[658] What a rocky ride that was.

[659] Yeah, when it all started, you know, I guess it was March, a couple of, it was like two years ago, almost two years ago now, right?

[660] So, you know, all of a sudden sitting around trying to figure out, the Guns and Roses tour was canceled, and we're all just sort of sitting around, sort of acclimating to this big event that just happened.

[661] So I started writing and I started doing demos for the new conspirators record because I couldn't get everybody to come in.

[662] obviously we were all kept separated.

[663] So I started making demos and I sent him to Miles.

[664] And eventually, Todd came down and put bass on the demos.

[665] And eventually he said, okay, we should just do a record.

[666] And we'll, you know, everybody get tested and then we'll all meet up at my house.

[667] And we'll do pre -production.

[668] And then I enlisted Dave Cobb as producer, who's fucking amazing.

[669] And we had this idea, okay, we're going to, we'll go to Nashville, is where his studio is the famous RCA Studio A, famous studio from the 50s and 60s and 70s with country music.

[670] And so we'll take a tour bus.

[671] So we did, we went in, it's basically a live record.

[672] We recorded everything live in the studio.

[673] So we were done in five days.

[674] And on the sixth day, Miles goes, I tested positive.

[675] Oh, no. And I was like, how the fuck did that happen?

[676] You know, because, I mean, we were all sort of really isolated.

[677] and everybody was negative prior, you know, when we went in.

[678] Right, right.

[679] But it turned out that maybe honest way to meet the bus, he picked it up, you know, because he drove from Washington State to Vegas, where we all met in Vegas, at a clinic, right?

[680] So he might have gone into a truck stop or something.

[681] Well, there's footage of him at a Chucky Cheese.

[682] And he got in the bin of balls and rolled around for six hours.

[683] Yeah, okay.

[684] Anyway, so then it was just a domic.

[685] a thing after that.

[686] Subsequently, Todd and Brent were both tested positive, and one of the engineers, so it was just Frank and myself, Frank's the other guitar player, and myself and Dave Cobb and his engineer, sitting there, okay, now what do we do?

[687] So we had some overdubs to do, but mainly we had background vocals, and those guys were sick, so we sat around for a little bit and then eventually started feeling better, so we sent equipment over to the house that we were all living in, and they did the background vocals in the guest house.

[688] Right, right.

[689] COVID hotel thing.

[690] And then I test a positive because we're all sharing the same house, so it was inevitable.

[691] But I had just gotten vaccinated, so it didn't last for very long.

[692] It lasted like five days.

[693] And then we all got back together and mixed the record and took the tour bus home.

[694] So it was an interesting little adventure.

[695] But it was a great bonding experience.

[696] No, I think there's going to be a whole lot of art that comes out of this crazy time we've been in, whether it was made during or right afterwards, there's going to be this explosion.

[697] Yeah.

[698] Yeah, because I mean, I did a lot of writing over that period.

[699] So there's like a whole bunch of stuff that'll be on the next record that'll definitely be, have been written during the sort of COVID downtime.

[700] Right.

[701] I've thought of nothing.

[702] Nothing useful.

[703] A lot of stupid ideas.

[704] Well, didn't you get this started?

[705] No, this was before COVID.

[706] Was it before?

[707] It's been almost four years, right, Gorley?

[708] It was the cause of COVID.

[709] Yeah.

[710] People say this was where it started.

[711] Yeah, it's way more personable and intimate kind of a setup.

[712] And you don't feel like the pressure of being on a late -night show and talking in that certain amount of minutes that you have to be up there.

[713] Although I got to say you, but there's a bicycle bit, and then you did a great bit where Jack Black...

[714] That's been viral.

[715] I know it's been viral.

[716] Jack Black accuses me, he basically challenges me to a guitar off because he knows we're both guitar players.

[717] And so he's playing, he's playing, I'm playing, he's shredding, I start to shred and then my shredding just becomes off the chart's good and he gives up and he's like fuck Conan's too good and then he gets suspicious and parts the curtains and you're there and you've been doing it all along and I swear to God that is such a good there's no better sight gag reveal than the curtain pulls apart and they're slack so yeah but you have always been you're a real gentleman and you're incredibly sweet and an inspirational person So to get to talk to you like this And also I gave you shit about it But you were half an hour early For the interview Which is not what a rock god is supposed to do You're not supposed to show up You're not supposed to show up at all Especially because this is in the morning I know I'm supposed to go find you at a hotel And drag you here Instead you're here like half an hour early You're in great shape You're very polite And you're like Well, I'll begin whenever you guys are ready to begin.

[718] What the hell?

[719] This is not the way it's supposed to go down.

[720] I was looking forward to this, though.

[721] I haven't seen you in a while.

[722] This is really lovely.

[723] It was one of the very few sort of interview type things that I was really excited to do.

[724] Well, I'm thrilled you did it, and I just have to bust my assistant, Sonom of Sessian, who has been obsessed with you for years, and she's got this leather coat, and she was going to take it off, but she's had a slash button on her coat.

[725] The day I met her, 12 years ago.

[726] She had a slash button on her coat.

[727] And she was going to take it off today because she thought it would be embarrassing.

[728] And I'm like, what are you talking about?

[729] Yeah.

[730] You are her guy.

[731] And that's my husband's band.

[732] I mean, I would take off his pin and then leave your pin on it.

[733] Yeah, yeah.

[734] But it was...

[735] Yeah, and so she had twins six months ago and she was like, I am not missing the slash interview, by the way.

[736] And there's a lot of times where she's like, I don't care.

[737] And I'm like, do you have a sitter?

[738] We don't have a sitter, but I'm coming.

[739] Where are the kids?

[740] Put them in a small crate.

[741] I don't give a shit about the kids anymore.

[742] So, yeah, she was going to move heaven and earth to be here.

[743] Thank you so much.

[744] Thank you.

[745] But anyway, slash, let's do this again sometime because, I mean, I'm happy to talk to you about anything and everything.

[746] And just, yeah.

[747] We can do a live performance.

[748] We'll put the band right here.

[749] It'll be the first of his kind.

[750] I did trick Elvis Costello.

[751] I didn't do it to you, but I brought up as 46 Martin.

[752] And I brought it in.

[753] I just had it in the corner, and I knew sooner or later he was going to see it.

[754] And he saw it and he was like, oh, whose guitar is that?

[755] And I said, that's my guitar.

[756] It's a 46 Martin.

[757] Oh, and he picked it up and then did a whole song.

[758] And I'm like, you know, I decided maybe that's chief to try and do that.

[759] 46 Martin, I'd be like distracting you.

[760] And then to turn around to ask me a question, I'm gone.

[761] Where do you go?

[762] Where's my 46 Martin?

[763] God damn it.

[764] There's no way to prove that he took it.

[765] Well, anyway, a great honor.

[766] This was a joy.

[767] Thanks for doing it.

[768] It was really cool talking to you.

[769] Good talking to you.

[770] And I want to draw on your table.

[771] Yeah, well, it's not exclusively mine.

[772] I share it with others.

[773] But please, draw on this table.

[774] Everyone draws on this table.

[775] Just write over someone else's name that you hate.

[776] No, I found a spot.

[777] Oh, good.

[778] Oh, my God, that's cool.

[779] He's drawing a great caricature of it's either you or Abraham Lincoln.

[780] Pretty sure it's you Because I don't think I don't think Lincoln carried around to Les Paul All right You know sometimes we take voicemails on this show We'd just like to hear from the people Get the Pulse of America and the world That's important that I as a powerful leader Of the Roman Empire Sometimes Don in disguise and walk throughout the city to hear what my people are saying.

[781] That's how I feel about listening to these quips and queries from people.

[782] Yeah.

[783] I believe it was the David Sidaris episode where you discussed colonoscopies, and I think you may have even discussed it on more than one occasion.

[784] You actually discuss it too much, I think.

[785] It's not the colonoscopy that I bring up so much as the drug they give you.

[786] Yeah, the propophil.

[787] You have the colonoscopy, the prophyl, which it's the happiest I've ever been in life.

[788] And it's a high that I'd like to get back to.

[789] And so I'm constantly calling my doctor and saying, shouldn't I have another colonoscopy?

[790] And the doctor's saying, you were here a week ago.

[791] And I'm saying, I'm just concerned.

[792] I think we've got to get back in there.

[793] So I was digging through the voicemails, and apparently on Google, there's also a text and picture option.

[794] And this guy named Ray sent this message in, And it just says, so that you guys know, I'm on the same crazy wavelength as you guys.

[795] I had a colonoscopy today and had something written on my butt cheek to surprise the doctor.

[796] And the doctor wrote back on it.

[797] So first I'm going to show you this.

[798] And we'll put this up on the Team Coco podcast social media.

[799] But even though it's visual, this is worth sharing, I think.

[800] So he wrote, hi doc, be gentle.

[801] And then the doctor wrote back in full black marker, I was happy face.

[802] And he made a happy face.

[803] This is not a way for people to communicate.

[804] I don't think the good Lord gave us two buttock so that we could have a message on one side and a response on the other.

[805] That's insane.

[806] Hi, Doc, be gentle.

[807] And then he wrote, I was.

[808] This is this man's butt?

[809] This is this man's bottom.

[810] Okay.

[811] And I don't know.

[812] I'm not that confident going into.

[813] to any kind of procedure where I'm going to be out where I'm going to write a funny message.

[814] Can you imagine if I needed some procedure on my heart?

[815] And they're like, well, we're going to put you under.

[816] You have a pretty good chance, Conan, 80 % of the time this goes well.

[817] We're going to crack your chest, get in there, and mess around with your right ventricle.

[818] And then the doctor, I get in and they, you know, they remove the robe when I'm passed out.

[819] And I've got a goofy message or series of cartoons that I've written out.

[820] You know, oh, doctor, here's the key to my heart.

[821] Oh, man. Or you had a gastric bypass, but eight alphabets in a specific order.

[822] Yeah.

[823] It's.

[824] I don't know where.

[825] Yeah.

[826] You get my point.

[827] Yeah, I do get your point.

[828] That would be very hard to eat them in a certain order and then hope.

[829] Backwards.

[830] Hope that they lined up in your GI tract in the correct order.

[831] What if it was a really complicated sentence And you got it all right Except one word was backwards So it was like, hello doctor Good luck on your fishing expeditian Instead of expedition And the doctor was like I am fucked up You ain't the alphabet in the wrong order I can't make it out And you're swallowing these letters whole Yeah but you're not chewing You can't chew them You can't chew them I know I think this whole thing is a dangerous precedent of leaving funny gag messages, essentially Easter eggs for your surgeon to find because I want my surgeon focused like a laser beam on the task at hand.

[832] And if the surgeon is trying to think of a funny response to the quip that I wrote on my heart, then what if that distracts the doctor?

[833] What if the doctor's like, oh man, Conan had a pretty funny joke stenciled onto his chest.

[834] I don't know.

[835] Damn, I got to come up with something.

[836] Are you okay?

[837] We should probably do this quickly.

[838] He's bleeding out.

[839] Hold on a second.

[840] Hold on a second.

[841] That's a funny way to come back at Conan.

[842] Yeah, you think so, buddy.

[843] No, that's not funny.

[844] Doctor, his blood pressure is dropping rapidly.

[845] Hold on a second.

[846] Excuse me, nurse.

[847] This is to be funny.

[848] It's got to be...

[849] How about...

[850] Yeah, you wish.

[851] No. Wait, do I capitalize the you to show I'm being sarcastic?

[852] No. E...

[853] You died.

[854] Conan O 'Brien's gone, sir.

[855] I just figured it out.

[856] I just got it.

[857] Yeah, I worry about that.

[858] I worry about that.

[859] I don't know.

[860] I like it.

[861] Oh, you like the scenario where I leave this earth?

[862] No, I like the note.

[863] I think that this guy does colonoscopy is probably a lot, and he sees a lot of butts that are just that have no messages on it.

[864] And then he sees this one, and he's like, oh, somebody actually, like, thought about me. Yeah.

[865] And now he's into it, so people don't even leave him a message.

[866] And he just writes on everybody's butt after it's over, like, another Dr. Anderson colonoscopy.

[867] And it's got a signature and a little logo.

[868] Yeah.

[869] I like that.

[870] I like the idea that maybe you're right.

[871] Maybe it's nice if we started writing messages to doctors on our bodies.

[872] Maybe I'm overthinking.

[873] Maybe it's nice to just start writing messages like, good luck, Doc.

[874] And remember, if you screw it up, there's plenty more.

[875] O 'Brien's where this one came from.

[876] Good luck, Doc.

[877] It's a jungle in there.

[878] Good luck, Doc.

[879] You do not.

[880] Wait, do you see what I had.

[881] I did not fast, Doc.

[882] Welcome to the yard sale.

[883] Welcome to the jungle.

[884] I ate a burrito last night.

[885] Welcome to the jungle.

[886] You're here for quite a fright.

[887] What?

[888] I'm sorry.

[889] Playing pranks on a guy who's doing your colonoscopy by not fasting and then eating all kinds of crazy stuff.

[890] I swall at a parking meter.

[891] Good luck.

[892] I don't know why I'm even doing that voice.

[893] Why is Axel Rose doing this now?

[894] Stupid.

[895] Well, anyway, good luck.

[896] I mean, congratulations on your fun buttocks prank.

[897] You sure showed that colonoscopy giver.

[898] The doctor?

[899] Doctor, I'd have said.

[900] But I wanted to be more specific.

[901] That was not it.

[902] I know.

[903] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[904] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goreley.

[905] Produced by me, Matt Goreley.

[906] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Koko, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[907] Theme song by The White Stripes.

[908] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[909] Take it away, Jimmy.

[910] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[911] Engineering by Will Beckton.

[912] Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brick Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

[913] Got a question for Conan?

[914] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[915] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[916] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[917] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.