Calm Parenting Podcast XX
[0] Hey, moms, we talk on the podcast all the time about making self -care a priority because when you're tired and you don't feel like yourself, it's hard to be that calm mom you want to be.
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[24] Okay, it's the week before Christmas and you know what that means.
[25] Life is going to be just like it is in the TV specials and in the movies and you're going to have be around like happy families and everybody getting along and your kids are going to love their gifts and be grateful for everything that they have.
[26] Well, you know that may not be true, right?
[27] For some of you, this is a really hard week coming up because it's a lot of unstructured time and many of your kids really struggle with that, with the loss of the consistency.
[28] And there are a lot of cookies and treats and sweets.
[29] And for some of your kids, that's not awesome.
[30] They're going to be staying up late.
[31] The schedule is going to be off.
[32] of you are traveling, you're going to be around family that doesn't always understand you, so you're going to be judged, you're going to get those looks, right?
[33] Like, why aren't they disciplining him or her, right?
[34] And there's all these expectations of you, expectations of the holidays, lots of emotion.
[35] So I wanted to give you five quick tips that I hope will help you not only survive the holidays, although for some of you, survival, not a bad strategy, but I want you to be even, able to enjoy them and also create some good memories.
[36] So number one, try to keep as many traditions and as much consistency as possible no matter where you are.
[37] Try to keep a couple things just the same, no matter whether you're at your sister -in -law's house, at grandparents' house, try to keep certain things, certain routines intact, certain traditions, right?
[38] And you maybe even and create some new traditions that, hey, when we're on the road, we're during the holidays, here's something we do, because traditions are about what you do, not about what you don't do, and they just provide some of that consistency.
[39] Number two, take time away from extended family as necessary, and we learned this the hard way too late.
[40] We should have done it early on, but what we learned was we needed our own family time.
[41] Casey would need at times, time to himself, away from all the chaos of it.
[42] And so give your kids and yourself some downtime, right?
[43] Volunteer to go to the store.
[44] I love doing that because then you get out away from that, gives you some time in the car with your kids, although for some of you that's harder, so you may go to a park.
[45] You might go for long walks.
[46] you may go and just do something by yourselves as a family, and that's okay, right?
[47] Don't feel, don't be afraid to do that.
[48] Don't be afraid of being judged by everybody else.
[49] Don't be shy about it.
[50] It's smart, and it's better than being resentful.
[51] Look, that's a big thing this holiday, practice that this holiday season.
[52] Be assertive about what your family needs.
[53] And if your kids need a little bit of, time away for 30 minutes, an hour, for three hours, an afternoon, or if you need a little bit of time away from everybody, don't be afraid to take it.
[54] That's way better than sitting there feeling resentful about everybody because you didn't speak up.
[55] You know what is best for your family and I want you to be confident in that and take that time.
[56] Everybody else is adults and they need to learn how to deal with that and control their own emotions without you being responsible for them.
[57] Number three, reset your expectations of yourself, of your kids, of Christmas, of the holidays.
[58] It's not supposed to be perfect like in the movies and the commercials.
[59] It's not.
[60] Things are going to go wrong.
[61] We're all flawed people.
[62] So I encourage you practice this because this is good for everyday life.
[63] Because everyday life at home is not supposed to be perfect.
[64] So learn to roll with it about a little bit.
[65] Embrace the imperfect.
[66] perfection, simplify things, right?
[67] And I want you to read the moment when your kids are tired or overstimulated because they're going to be, right?
[68] So I'd rather you focus on de -escalating in those situations than trying to just discipline your kids when everything around them is different and everything is chaos and they're tired.
[69] Read the moment and give yourself some grace as a family, as a couple, right, and give the kids some time to say, you know what, they're just really tired right now.
[70] So whether they take a bath right now, doesn't matter.
[71] Your kids, look, we're not living in 1742, and I don't even know what that means, but it means if they don't take a bath one night, they're not going to die, okay, from scurvy or from something.
[72] They're just going to be gross, and that's what kids are supposed to be anyway.
[73] I'm kind of kidding, but also kind of not, right?
[74] Look, don't try to live up to the expectations of everyone else.
[75] And if your kids are just wound up and they're playing with their cousins and everything and they don't get the shower the night before Christmas, who cares what they look like?
[76] They're kids.
[77] So, I want you to relax a little bit, reset those expectations.
[78] Number You know we like to get to the root of issues beneath the surface, and it's the same with acne.
[79] Phila isn't just about fixing acne you can see, it's about stopping new breakouts in their tracks by getting right into the pores.
[80] Look, acne can be painful, both physically and emotionally.
[81] Whether your child is just starting to get breakouts or has been struggling with them for years, phila is a safe, effective, side effect -free, and natural product that can help.
[82] Phyla is like a spa treatment for your skin.
[83] Gentle, no irritation, no dryness, and definitely no harsh chemicals like benzene.
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[86] Tackle acne's root causes.
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[88] Go to phyla .com and type in the code Calm.
[89] That's P -H -Y -L -A .com and use code word calm.
[90] Number four, relieve yourself of the burden of trying to make everybody happy.
[91] If you want to work on this in the new year, I'll work on this one with you because this will save you so much stress over the course of your life, right?
[92] To relieve yourself of the burden of trying to make everyone happy, of trying to control.
[93] every situation and make sure all the food turns out right and all the gifts are just right and everybody's happy with their gifts right really realistically do you know many 14 and 15 year olds who are really really super happy with their gifts right don't i'm just saying reset some of those expectations and relieve yourself of that burden of thinking like oh it's going to be perfect and everybody's going to be happy right at certain ages can't kids aren't happy no matter what you do.
[94] Is that not true?
[95] And so trying to bend over backwards and try to create something that's unrealistic and that will never happen, why do it?
[96] Right?
[97] And so don't try to control everything else.
[98] Let everyone else, including your in -laws, your parents, your family, be in control of their own emotions and their own happiness.
[99] Let them be responsible for it instead of you trying to be responsible for everyone else's happiness.
[100] Because in daily life, that's what trips you up, right?
[101] You have to manage everybody's emotions.
[102] You're managing your kids' emotions.
[103] Then your spouse gets home.
[104] And you have to manage his emotions.
[105] And I want you to be able to start the new year to say, I am not responsible for everybody else's happiness around here.
[106] Because that will wear you down and make you miserable and exhausted and you'll get adrenal fatigue and you'll be miserable and then you'll become resentful and I don't want that and if you want to give yourself a Christmas gift this year start to work on that right of letting go of controlling every situation of making sure everybody's happy I want you I want that for you number five set your strong will child up for success right so when you're going if you're going to a relative's house Make sure, let's ask a grandparent, the aunt or uncle, to give your child a very specific mission, using your child's particular strengths, right?
[107] Set up projects to do with family instead of just hoping everything's going to turn out right, which you know it isn't, right?
[108] Show them, show that skeptical or judgmental aunt, uncle, grandparent, right?
[109] How they can help you and can help your strong will child.
[110] instead of just giving you unsolicited advice, i .e. judgment, right?
[111] Because here, here is what would help your strong will child.
[112] If when they arrived at the family's house, here's what they heard.
[113] Jacob, I'm so glad you're here because I need your help.
[114] You're really good at doing X. So could you come in and help me put this together?
[115] Could you help me do this in the garage?
[116] Could you help me make this?
[117] Sarah, we're so.
[118] So glad that our master builder, artist, chef, designer, architect is here.
[119] Could you show us how you make, build, create, cook, solve, X?
[120] Because we'd really like your help.
[121] See, I love that.
[122] Number one, gives your child's brain something positive and purposeful to focus on, to counter all the chaos, right?
[123] And plus, some of your kids sometimes feel the judgment of, of, family or feel different, they don't feel like they're the good kid, and it helps them focus on something.
[124] It also helps with anxiety a lot.
[125] Number two, it uses your child's natural gifts and strengths, right, which builds confidence.
[126] Number three, it helps your child feel helpful like an adult, and they like that.
[127] Number four, it gives the grandparents and the relatives a concrete way to connect with your kids over something positive, over something your kids are good at doing, and that's not always easy for them.
[128] Number five, it helps counter that incessantly annoying but understandable habit family members have of only asking about a child's school performance.
[129] Now they get to see your child in a different light and affirm their unique gifts instead of solely focus on grades in school, right, which some of your kids just aren't always great at that.
[130] Number six, it teach, look, teach your potentially judgment, parents, siblings, and relatives, why your kids do what they do.
[131] I want you to teach them so they understand your child.
[132] Give them ways to connect and affirm your child right from the beginning.
[133] And that's why I encourage you.
[134] I want you, look, if you have our programs, download them onto the app, and you can download them onto your parents, your brother and sister's phones.
[135] So your relatives can actually listen to this insight.
[136] and come alongside to support you instead of judging you.
[137] And you can even say, look, would you please just listen to the Strong World Child program.
[138] Just listen to that or the ADHD universe.
[139] Could you just listen to that?
[140] And after you listen to that, then we could have a discussion, right?
[141] Then we would be on the same page and we can talk about it.
[142] And I'd love to take advantage of your wisdom because you do have wisdom.
[143] But I want you to understand where we're coming from.
[144] and where our child is coming from, that would help me immensely, right?
[145] So, if you need help from us, reach out to Casey at Celebrate Calm.
[146] Casey, C -A -S -E -Y, at Celebrate Calm .com.
[147] Tell us about your family.
[148] We will help you.
[149] And we will talk about your situation as a family.
[150] We get back to with concrete strategies and tips because that's what we do.
[151] We have a Christmas sale on all of our programs.
[152] Find that at Celebrate Calm .com.
[153] You can download it immediately.
[154] It's really easy on this app, right to your phone, your iPad, your computer, so you, your spouse, your parents, your relatives can listen to all of these programs because I want you to start the new year, calm and confident.
[155] I want you to, I want you to be able to know how to get your kids to be responsible for themselves and build their confidence.
[156] So if we can help you in any way, reach out to us.
[157] Thank you for listening.
[158] Please share this to other podcast with other struggling parents.
[159] And we do wish you, whatever you celebrate, we wish you a Merry Christmas.
[160] Happy Hanukkah.
[161] We wish you happy holidays.
[162] And we want to start this new year off strong.
[163] So just let's know how we can support you.
[164] Thank you.
[165] I love you.
[166] Bye