--:--
--:--
Full Transcription:
[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Go, goodbye.
[16] Hi.
[17] Welcome to my favorite murder.
[18] The mini episode.
[19] This is a tiny, tiny, tiny, time.
[20] tiny episode it's a baby of our big one it's a little tiny baby to get you through Monday do you like Mondays Georgia I don't have any feelings towards time doesn't exist says the privileged non non office working person oh that was so privileged I mean look we're we're quite privileged in the fact that I never know what fucking day it is and I can be a half an hour late for everything I do because no one can fire me. Typically, Mondays aren't the best.
[21] Right.
[22] Because you're tired from the weekend.
[23] Trying to get back on that, you know, no more carbs.
[24] Yeah.
[25] That's always me on Monday.
[26] But now for real, no more carbs.
[27] Mine is now for real, I'm going to start taking my vitamins.
[28] And now for real, I'm not, I'm not drinking.
[29] Every Monday.
[30] No, never happens.
[31] I mean, but this is, this is what we do.
[32] We need to reset.
[33] Every Every day is a new beginning.
[34] Every Monday is a new life waiting to happen.
[35] Take your vitamins.
[36] Stop eating carbs.
[37] Please.
[38] Or just, you know, go light on carbs.
[39] Yeah.
[40] Less carbs than normal.
[41] They recently had something come out to say that like, pasta isn't bad for you.
[42] Again, you just can't trust anything anyone says.
[43] I think with the, I read that because I was like, yay.
[44] And then it was just like, just don't, just do everything in moderation, dummy.
[45] It's just like everything.
[46] Yeah, but easy for you to say article.
[47] Right.
[48] To tell me to eat spaghetti in moderation.
[49] What feels better than shoving a shit ton of spaghetti into your mouth all at once until you almost choked?
[50] Dude.
[51] And it's like covered in pot and fucking cheese and stuff.
[52] Is that how you do yours?
[53] Hell yeah.
[54] That's how I do mine, butter and parm?
[55] Butter, ton of pepper.
[56] It's called cacao deep pepper.
[57] Whatever.
[58] What?
[59] It's like a thing.
[60] It's like a pepper thing.
[61] Like it's a pepper movement?
[62] Is it a pepper trend?
[63] It's a pepper.
[64] It's like a pepper.
[65] you know, just a ton of pepper.
[66] In your parm and butter pasta.
[67] Yes.
[68] Yeah, I'm 100 % behind that exact mix.
[69] Let's go eat it.
[70] And if you can make it that cheap Parmesan cheese, it's probably not real from craft.
[71] Vince calls that shaky cheese.
[72] Shaker cheese.
[73] I think it's what they call it as kids.
[74] Shaker cheese?
[75] Yeah, because you just shake it out of the thing.
[76] Hell yes.
[77] Not that kind of girl.
[78] Oh, I'm 1 ,000 % that girl.
[79] My mom was very big on, like, real Parmesan, like, grated over, like, fresh if possible, and real maple syrup.
[80] and Vince's buck and shake her cheese and like log cabin No My mom was real butter Real mayonnaise Anytime Miracle Whip came into the equation She had like a one woman show About how much she hated Miracle Whip So we never had in It was like the dairy based things That always had to be real But then she was the queen of like Minute rice and frozen corn You know for dinner I love it I do too The first like time Vince ever cooked for me When we were like dating was he made me um shake and bake and I was like oh I like Midwest guys yeah this is cool they know it's important feeding you how but just a night what if you brought you a hot dish you're just like I'm not gonna take you out here's a casserole for you to keep for yourself 100 % 100 % keep for yourself good night You can eat this at any time I don't have to be involved Until our next date It's like you're playing funeral I love it okay you go first We read your shit here you go here we go you know the story it's like funeral okay um the subject line of this email is i should have gone bowling okay hey homies perfection when i was around 13 i was hanging out with my two with two girls that lived on my neighborhood and we were outside laying on my trampoline chatting with each other on a hot summer night sounds like fun so good my parents had tried to get me to go bowling with them but being as i was 13 and too cool to hang out with them i in parentheses he's probably not so politely declined.
[81] Anyways, it was around eight or nine at night, dark outside, and nobody was home.
[82] It's the perfect beginning.
[83] While we were chatting, we noticed a white van, pull up outside my house and park, but nobody got out of the van.
[84] It just sat there for about a half an hour with the driver still inside engine off.
[85] We were a little creeped out, but not enough to go inside.
[86] After a while, the driver got out of the car.
[87] It was a man in all black clothing with a hoodie on.
[88] And he had the hood over his head and was facing the ground so we couldn't see his face.
[89] He started briskly walking into my yard, still looking around, and walking right toward us.
[90] At this point, we were definitely freaked out and we hopped off the trampoline and ran onto my back deck to go inside.
[91] As we reached the back door, the man walked up the stairs on the other side of the deck and was a few feet away from us as we realized that my asshole parents had locked us out when they went bowling.
[92] Holy shit!
[93] At this point, the man was still coming towards us and we sprinted off.
[94] the deck and ran straight to one of the other girls' houses, only to find that nobody was home there either.
[95] Dude, nightmare.
[96] Her parents had locked the doors thinking she was safe at my house.
[97] The other friend lived two streets away.
[98] We had to pass by the van to get there.
[99] So we creeped through a few yards and saw that the van was still there.
[100] When we got to the other girl's house, thankfully her mom was home.
[101] Unfortunately, though, she laughed off our paranoia and wouldn't let us come inside because it was a, quote, beautiful night.
[102] asshole so we hung out that was in the email so we hung out on the girls front porch for a while until I figured my parents would be home and I decided to walk back when I got there he could have been breaking into their house yes any number of that mom should be arrested when I got there the van was gone and in its place were several police cars oh really mom who would stay outside that's she's gonna have to live that down for the rest of her life as it turns out this guy had gone onto everyone's decks in the five backyards that all faced each other had turned on the gas grills and all and left the police said that there was enough gas in the area at that point that if somebody had lit a cigarette nearby there would have been an explosion to my knowledge they've never caught the guy or found out why he did it but needless to say i spent a lot of time with my parents that summer because i sure as hell wasn't staying home alone sdgm s j wow that's a good one huh man when parents don't believe kids in their shit.
[103] I'm just like, you fucking, you have no one to blame but yourself.
[104] Well, also it just feels like it's, that's a remnant of another time.
[105] Or first of all, what parent in this day and age is like, stay outside past dark.
[106] Yeah, don't come inside.
[107] It's a gorgeous night outside.
[108] Like, that's, that doesn't get said.
[109] 13 year olds don't make up strange man stories.
[110] That's like an eight year old maybe.
[111] True.
[112] And yeah, what would be on the other?
[113] It's not like they're saying, a crazy man is outside.
[114] can you please buy us something?
[115] They just wanted to get inside the house.
[116] Fucking asshole.
[117] It's so crazy.
[118] Okay, let's do, all right.
[119] This one is called, I scanned a serial killer.
[120] Okay.
[121] Hello, all.
[122] I work as a CT technologist in a hospital, and over the years, I've had to do scans on numerous inmates from jail slash prison.
[123] After I finish their exam, I always do Google searches to see why they are incarcerated, which is not always such a good idea.
[124] It always creeps me out how they, the most polite, well -behaved ones are usually, not always, the ones in jail for rape or murder.
[125] Yes.
[126] Anywho, I was working the night shift when a name popped up on my work list for a patient in the ER.
[127] I grabbed a questionnaire we filled out for all the patients before an exam and started to fill it out when my coworker happened to look over my shoulder and yelled.
[128] Holy shit.
[129] Do you know who that is?
[130] The name didn't look familiar to me. And when inmates come in the ER, I don't know their inmates until I walk into the room and see them in a jumpsuit surrounded by prison guards.
[131] So my co -worker proceeds to tell me that he's a serial killer and his murder spree span 15 years and seven states.
[132] But being a murderer, I immediately Googled his name and sure enough, it was him.
[133] And then it says, due to HIPAA laws, I can't say his name, real or cereal, which is a clue, I think.
[134] Or where I work because I could lose my job slash license and a girl has got to eat.
[135] Yes.
[136] But that means he has a serial killer nickname.
[137] Oh, okay.
[138] So like, I think she's giving us a clue.
[139] He's well known.
[140] Yeah.
[141] He's serving two consecutive life sentences in a prison about 90 miles from the hospital.
[142] So armed with this knowledge, I'm about 60 % excited to do his scan and 40 % scared shitless.
[143] Of course, when I go to get him, he's accompanied by two armed prison guards.
[144] He didn't talk too much, but was polite and followed my instructions and everything went normally.
[145] I tried desperately to act like I didn't know who he was or what he had done, but I felt like there was a giant blinking red neon.
[146] I don't know why I put the word red.
[147] It's not there.
[148] Oh, I just saw a red.
[149] That's what you see.
[150] Blinking neon sign over my head that said, I know what you did.
[151] I had about a million questions to ask the prison guards, but I figured I needed to act like a professional and damn near bit my tongue and half trying not to pepper them with question after question.
[152] Once it was all done and over, and I had that feeling of, holy fuck, did that just really happen?
[153] We're off.
[154] My next thought was, I need to email Karen and Georgia and tell them about this.
[155] Hopefully you guys get a kick out of the story because no one else I told seems as excited as I was about it.
[156] Thanks for doing such an awesome podcast.
[157] Getting an alert on my phone that there's a new episode available is the highlight of my day.
[158] Keep Kicking Ass, S -S -C -G -M, J -C.
[159] Oh, man. Yeah.
[160] We're the first thing that comes into people's mind when they hear anything about a serial killer.
[161] God bless.
[162] You know what that actually makes me think of is somebody, there was a story from like a month or a couple weeks ago.
[163] Did you read that story about that two women or two people?
[164] I shouldn't.
[165] That was sexist, actually.
[166] Two people who worked at the hospital.
[167] in either Auburn or Sacramento access the Golden State Killers medical history and they both got fired.
[168] Yeah, I don't think you should have done that.
[169] No, no, you can't do that.
[170] That's stupid.
[171] It's literally against the law.
[172] Yeah.
[173] You can't, you're not allowed to do that.
[174] Oh, man. It's not smart.
[175] But I was like, why would you do it?
[176] Were they working there for like the summer?
[177] That's such a dumb.
[178] And then it's just like, why?
[179] So you know he's allergic to penicill?
[180] There's no, there's no benefit.
[181] It's not like he's going to have a lower back tattoo that says I'm fucking serial killer.
[182] Yeah.
[183] I buried a bunch of other bodies up in Auburn that you need to find out about.
[184] If only.
[185] That tattoo.
[186] You know that popular tattoo.
[187] Yeah.
[188] Everyone gets.
[189] The really long one.
[190] Yeah.
[191] It's the flash art that you just pick off the wall.
[192] I'll have.
[193] Should I get a bumblebee or should I show where the bodies are buried?
[194] Okay.
[195] Ready for this one?
[196] Always.
[197] Subject line is, St. Cole tried to take my baby and avoiding cults.
[198] I've been, no greeting whatsoever.
[199] I love it.
[200] You don't need one.
[201] I've been meaning.
[202] to send in my Sinkwell story and was sparked to pause catching up on the latest episodes after hearing you mention the garbage eating cold.
[203] I met them.
[204] Sorry, I was catching up because I spent two weeks in the woods and listening to MFM in the woods as scary as fuck.
[205] And I know I shouldn't have even been in the woods in the first place surrounded by dusty white people.
[206] Dusty white people.
[207] But I needs my nature therapy onto the stories.
[208] My cult story.
[209] When I was doing my second attempt at college, a group of friends invited me. to a free dinner.
[210] Fucking red flag, red flag.
[211] there's no such thing as free dinner, lunch or breakfast.
[212] Only people.
[213] This is me talking, not the email.
[214] Yeah.
[215] And also that's every cult in the world.
[216] Every religion is like, come to our mixer.
[217] Spaghetti dinner.
[218] Come to our spaghetti dinner.
[219] Shakey cheese spaghetti dinner.
[220] I'd be there in one second if I was like 23.
[221] And that's how they get you.
[222] Okay.
[223] So we're back in the email now.
[224] Okay.
[225] When we got there, it was packed with people and they were serving up, typical Midwest hot dish.
[226] Oh my God.
[227] Hey, vegan and meat option.
[228] Why I remember this, who knows?
[229] Right away, I got really weird vibes from this dude who had organized the meal and had his little crew with him.
[230] They started talking Jesus stuff and how all the food was free from the dumpster.
[231] Oh my God.
[232] That's not what you want to say.
[233] I latered out of their fast because of bad vibes, gross dumpster hot dish, and I was so over Jesus.
[234] I had no idea it was a cult recruitment until I heard your episode.
[235] I don't know if anybody from school officially joined them, but I know that they held a number of dinners, and a few of my friends really got into going to them.
[236] I feel like my school was too into partying hard to join their cult, but I do know people really got into the idea of dumpster diving free food and not paying rent by squatting all over town and campus.
[237] That's how they get you.
[238] The glamorous life, Sheila E. Okay.
[239] Now it's, we're back.
[240] My second sink, my sinkhole story.
[241] Sorry, there's no second.
[242] A few weeks after my first daughter was born, we had to go to a midwife's checkup appointment.
[243] We were broke as fuck, didn't have a car.
[244] So in the dead of summer, I'd to walk with my new baby, a mile to the bus stop.
[245] Oh, God.
[246] When the bus finally came, I was dying for some bus air conditioning.
[247] But a guy got off through the front door, halting my entrance.
[248] And I remember thinking, dude, you're supposed to get off the back door.
[249] There's a system here.
[250] But being a typical Midwesterner, I said nothing and just shamed him in my mind.
[251] Anyway, after he had gotten off the bus, we stepped on and heard a loud crash behind us.
[252] We turned around and the sinkhole where we were just standing, oh, the sidewalk where we were just standing was gone and so was the dude.
[253] No. A sinkhole had opened up and swallowed him.
[254] The bus driver radioed 911 or whoever told them what happened.
[255] Someone on the bus was like, back up the bus.
[256] It could open wider.
[257] Yeah, dude.
[258] And I was like, get me and my new baby off this bus.
[259] we all got off the bus and could hear the man screaming and the sound of water rushing to fill the hole we tried to yell at him that help was on the way but he couldn't hear us and just kept screaming it was all so unsettling to say the least emergency services finally showed up and was able to get him out he was all bloody but able to walk and was taken away in an ambulance like a jerk i can't help but think if he had just followed the rules and gone off the back of the mud maybe he wouldn't have ended up in that hole.
[260] My mom later said that if we had been the ones who had ended up in the hole, we would be rich for settlement money.
[261] I was just going to say, but yeah, that guy got a fucking big settlement from the city.
[262] I guess that's where I get my A -hole ideas.
[263] Oh my God.
[264] That's right.
[265] It's usually hereditary.
[266] Yeah.
[267] Hope you like my non -murder and everybody lives stories.
[268] Lastly, I just want to say thank you for bringing to attention your struggles, mental health, addiction, eating stuff, et cetera.
[269] It feels like healing.
[270] Oh, that's nice.
[271] Also, thank you for talking about what's happening to Native American indigenous women, people in this country and in Canada.
[272] Being a member of the community and working for it for a number of years, I unfortunately have more than one story of someone I know who was murdered.
[273] I don't think I will ever be able to write those stories in an email but I am grateful that you two have helped give voice to the victims.
[274] It feels kind of awkward to send a fan girl letter but I love you guys so much.
[275] SSDGM Tessa.
[276] Oh, that was a lovely, lovely email Tessa.
[277] I feel like we have to really quickly give credit to the podcast missing and murdered because they are the ones who are doing the incredible work on the indigenous people and yeah um god the 60 sweet man that turns out to be that everyone listen to missing and murdered and um uh well i think because we did talk about wind river but that idea that is like based on the fact that indigenous women get murdered and they're this crazy rate crazy rate and none of them get solved yeah no one works on them and none of them get solved.
[278] So yeah, we could definitely be doing more and we've barely done what like lots of other podcasts have done.
[279] But as long as everyone talks about it, we can all talk about it together.
[280] That's right.
[281] Thanks, Tessa.
[282] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[283] Absolutely.
[284] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.
[285] Exactly.
[286] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.
[287] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?
[288] That's right.
[289] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in -store, on social media, and beyond.
[290] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[291] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in -person.
[292] So give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[293] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[294] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our service.
[295] sales and if you're a business owner you can too connect with customers in line and online do retail right with shopify sign up for a one dollar per month trial period at shopify dot com slash murder important note that promo code is all lowercase go to shopify dot com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today that's shopify dot com slash murder goodbye hey this is exciting an all new season of only murders in the building is coming to hulu on august 27th steve martin martin short and selina go as our back as your favorite podcaster detectives.
[296] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[297] Who killed Saz?
[298] And were they really after Charles?
[299] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[300] This season, murder hits close to home.
[301] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[302] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[303] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[304] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll?
[305] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Meryl Streep, Zach Alford Nacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Devine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[306] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[307] Goodbye.
[308] Hey, let's do a quick depressing one.
[309] Great.
[310] Since we're there, it's not depressing, but, you know, it's uplifting in a depressing way.
[311] Here we go.
[312] Okay.
[313] This is called hometown sort of, oh, Charlie Manson.
[314] Oh, got it.
[315] Hi, Georgia and Karen.
[316] I become a recent murderina because a friend told me, you guys.
[317] do hometown murders where people tell their personal stories.
[318] It made me start thinking about why I became a true crime lover and it all stems back to my family murder.
[319] Fucking Charlie Manson.
[320] I decided to listen to you guys as about a month ago and I started from episode one.
[321] I wanted to delve into your world after a lifetime of knowing I was a descendant of a victim of a sick hippie fantasy.
[322] I can't agree with you more that his weirdo crimes don't deserve as much attention as he pine for his whole life.
[323] I even had a stupid, and then it says in front of these sparkling can wine moment of breaking down crying when he died because I thought such a cowardly human died in such a cowardly way.
[324] But after listening to your story on my long -ass commutes in L .A., I wanted to tell a different side of this story.
[325] Leno and Rosemary La Bianca came from a well -to -do Italian family.
[326] They were given lots of opportunities and had a very lovely L .A. circle of friends and family.
[327] My grandmother is a La Bianca and her son, my father, was often babysat and very close with his cousins, Rosemary and Leno.
[328] They were living the dream.
[329] However, their murder does not define who they were.
[330] It was random, awful, painful, shocking, and something this family would never truly recover from.
[331] It is often forgotten when compared to Sharon Tate.
[332] After all, she was an icon star, beauty, and all -around wonderful person.
[333] We could never take away from her, from her murder and what her family endured.
[334] but I do hope we don't forget that other members of another family continue to suffer from this hippie atrocity.
[335] I still live with artifacts from the murder house on Waverly Drive that fateful 1969 evening, and I don't want to remember that asshole who did what he did.
[336] But I do want to remember my cousins who didn't get to choose their fate, who were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
[337] The La Bianca family suffered and continues to suffer with the feeling that randomization is inevitable.
[338] Oh, God.
[339] But I hope to just bring a voice to these vividly.
[340] victims, I call my family and continue fighting for all victims and their families who are looking for answers.
[341] I appreciate my anonymity and stay sexy, don't get murdered.
[342] I'm not about to cry.
[343] It's so true.
[344] I will say this, just from my perspective, as I read Helter Skelter way too young, the La Bianca murders are very prominent in my mind.
[345] And I understand what they mean that there like that's the gross part about the true crime is the fame element and there anytime they can anytime like the media or any of us if you pull a good story through that's the thing that that goes first and foremost but i remember when i read helter -skelter it it really does strike you how horrifyingly random and tragic it is that they just lived along the way it was just like this thing where it was just this like older happy couple who lived you know right near us.
[346] Yes.
[347] And this just up in the hills and it's just so random.
[348] And terrible and terrifying.
[349] And yeah.
[350] So that's a great point.
[351] Yeah.
[352] But that's, that was beautifully written in a like, that perfect thing of like, but these are victims too.
[353] But like, but I want them not to be thought of as this way.
[354] But I do want people to know how fucked up it, you know, it made a whole family.
[355] Yeah.
[356] It's a lot of good points there.
[357] Yeah.
[358] Yeah.
[359] Thank you for writing that.
[360] Yeah.
[361] So I have a positive one we can, not a positive one.
[362] I have a funny one we can end on.
[363] Okay.
[364] Do you want to do that?
[365] Sure.
[366] Okay.
[367] I don't know if I should tell you that.
[368] I'm not going to tell you what the title is.
[369] Save it, save it, save.
[370] Mimi, Elvis, Stephen, Georgia, and Karen.
[371] That's new.
[372] Sure.
[373] Oh, I guess this is before Dottie.
[374] Well, they really picked and choose who they were going to mention there.
[375] Dottie and Frank and George are out.
[376] Goodbye.
[377] So says, you know, I never really had a good murder story to share, except my mom's friend was just recently on the prosecuting team for the huge Holly Bobo case in Tennessee.
[378] look it up if you don't know it, it says.
[379] But as soon as you said to send in stories of an awkward time, you've shared a story in a group that you regretted, I knew just the thing to send in.
[380] So a couple of years back, I was trying out a new church group, and someone had the best proposal for a weird icebreaker question.
[381] If you could choose a liquid to come out of each pointer finger for the rest of your life, what would it be?
[382] A fucking creepy and disgusting, awesome question.
[383] Yeah, Karen's pointing out her mouth while laughing with her finger.
[384] Okay, wait, let me keep going, because I know you guys are going to say this.
[385] You can imagine most people said coffee or something boring and safe like that.
[386] Coffee, gross.
[387] And then it says points to the girl, points to the girl who said gasoline, free gas forever.
[388] And chapstick, even though chapstick is debatively not a liquid.
[389] It is not a liquid.
[390] And it's so cheap, that's what you're going to go for?
[391] Also, gasoline would burn your finger.
[392] Yeah.
[393] She would make a lot of money, probably.
[394] but either way every answer was still significantly less awkward than mine maybe lip gloss yeah but not still okay naturally I wanted one finger to be a steady stream of margarita but considering it was a church thing I figured I'd say Diet Coke for one finger having gone towards the end my slight social anxiety got the best of me in that time I was waiting and gave me lots of time to think of a good second liquid being the natural freaking goody two shoes I am.
[395] I answered really seriously and honestly and came up with, this is all caps, breast milk.
[396] No. Yeah, you heard me right.
[397] Breast milk.
[398] Imagine the group of college -aged girls and guys who, of course, were strangers to me. Before I could explain that the reason was because I'd go to Kenya and there are some really and some very undernourished amount and babies who need breast milk to survive.
[399] I had already lost the crowd and been doing the total weirdo of the group.
[400] Yeah, they were right to do that to you.
[401] No recovering from that one.
[402] Moral of the story, feel free to open up to new people, but maybe only do a certain extent at first.
[403] Don't take a goofy icebreaker question to a serious save the world level.
[404] If you ever feel like a margarita is an inappropriate answer, just go ahead and rule out breast milk too.
[405] Thanks for the laps and fascinating stories.
[406] You've given me and all my friends in architecture school as we were up all night.
[407] It's hilarious.
[408] And for continuing to bind us post -grad with your.
[409] S, S -S -D -G -M, meaning group message.
[410] Love y 'all, and goodbye, Polly Ann.
[411] P .S., can you two and Stephen please share with us what liquids you guys would choose to come out of each pointer finger?
[412] All answers accepted.
[413] M -F -M -F -M is a safe space.
[414] Bullshit, Polly Ann, you fucking weirdo with your breast milk.
[415] Not all answers except, oh.
[416] Okay, because here's what's hilarious about that.
[417] I love the idea that she's like, okay, I got to play to this crowd, which I will tell you right now is always a mistake.
[418] yeah when you think you need to play like you're going to play to a crowd wow them you're going to get it wrong make them laugh or i'm going to do anything for this crowd yes secondly you could have just said milk and it would have been oh yeah yeah the breast milk specifically chocolate milk chocolate milk you didn't have to name the country you thought you could go to where people were so poor like everything about that it was like when you're shooting for the stars of like this is how i'm going to be good incorrect oh my god there is an incorrect answer to that oh i love it so my incorrect answers are more fun anyway oh shit first thing i could think of is kombucha because it's good for you and i like it right stephen well i mean the marguerite answer obviously is the obvious one but i feel like you could do tequila and that way you don't have it pre -mixed so then you could for more occasions and it's not because sometimes it's a margarita's too sweet but if they make it the wrong kind to come out of your finger you're like oh i wanted to skinny one yeah jalapeno's your fingers are always like you scratch your nose and You have gas and margarita and you're just like, fuck.
[419] If you mix up which one's gas and which one's margar and you become Sammy Hagar.
[420] You still get fucked up.
[421] What's yours, Karen?
[422] I don't want shit in my finger.
[423] If I was at this party, I'd wait until I get to me and be like, you're all fucking weird and perverted.
[424] Here's my weird answer.
[425] Stephen and Stephen will understand this.
[426] What about tuna juice so all cats love you?
[427] You're just like leaking it around the alleyways?
[428] And cats are just following you everywhere you go.
[429] And all cats love you and all people are like, hey, Georgia.
[430] Hey, am you taking a shower?
[431] Like what's about Georgia?
[432] Just shake your hand.
[433] It's all.
[434] I just stopped to forget which one's tequila and it tastes like kombucha kind of.
[435] See, the first thing I thought of the reason I was laughing so hard was like Spider -Man style.
[436] I wasn't thinking of stuff you drink.
[437] I think like what's fun to shoot at people?
[438] Oh, that's silly string.
[439] Yes.
[440] You know what I mean?
[441] That's good too.
[442] Just like a very high pressure hose like at the car wash. Yeah.
[443] like that we're like it would almost be like having a gun but it's just water so you're not to kill anybody our friend joan nerey has that story of how when he was a little kid they were all playing super soaker and he thought it'd be really funny like they put clothing dye or dyed and dye your clothes sometimes and he thought it'd be really funny to put boiling hot water in his and shot his friend with it Jesus Christ yeah that's the story is how awful he was So that's it.
[444] God.
[445] Don't listen to Joan Radio podcast.
[446] You know it would be fun if I scald my friend.
[447] That moment of you do it and you're like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
[448] And then the kid's like, oh, no, this burns.
[449] So not hot water.
[450] No, hot water, hot water would be bad.
[451] A nice room temp water.
[452] Like tea.
[453] High pressure.
[454] You could wash your car.
[455] Oh, yeah.
[456] You could make someone stand back.
[457] You can heat up a pool when it's too.
[458] You could also give thirsty cats might like you.
[459] Yeah.
[460] If you're still in that cat thing.
[461] With lotion counter, is that not liquidy enough?
[462] Is that liquid?
[463] Lotion, probably.
[464] Yeah, that's a liquid.
[465] Sorry, what are you going to do with that lotion, Steven?
[466] It's just convenient.
[467] Every answer is like, we're staring into people's psyches, but you don't, you're all innocent, like, milk, and then it's like, ew, you're fucking, rough.
[468] Yeah, you're going to smell like rotten milk all the time.
[469] And like, ew.
[470] Ew, you're so gross.
[471] Lube.
[472] Vaseline, yeah.
[473] Even, like, something as innocent as lube can be fucking.
[474] Okay, hold on.
[475] I love icebreaker questions.
[476] I love this shit.
[477] I love answers and I love, we used to play, would you, or basically would you rather, but it was, we called it this or that.
[478] And so it'd be like flying and invisibility.
[479] And everyone would give their answer.
[480] And then everyone would start attacking everybody on how their answer was wrong.
[481] Who's got the wrong one?
[482] Because I was like, that would be stupid if you could fly, then you'd be, blah, blah, blah.
[483] Where it's like, the friends that I had that said invisibility, I was like, okay, you just basically admitted you're a purve to everybody.
[484] You're untrustworthy.
[485] You read my diary.
[486] You're sneaky.
[487] Yeah.
[488] and you and you're giving up flying totally so that you can fucking spy on people you weasel um everyone send us your favorite um liquids icebreaker co box send us in a no send us your favorite ice baker questions or when your icebreaker shit has gone very bad or you did like a terrible first impression guys guys what if um that's the picture the picture i have is like when you start a question like that and you think it's going to be so fun.
[489] You guys, what is your...
[490] Okay, hold on.
[491] And then maybe we can just make a list of those because they're not all stories.
[492] Just send us, like, icebreaker questions.
[493] Yeah, that's so good.
[494] Also, flying or invisibility.
[495] Obviously, flying.
[496] Now I'm not going to say it.
[497] If it was invisibility, I wouldn't tell you.
[498] That was such a setup, Stephen.
[499] I mean, it's just so much more fun.
[500] Dude, flying is the greatest American hero.
[501] It's the greatest American everything.
[502] I think my honest answer for the liquids is ice tea on one finger and lemonade on the other.
[503] Girl!
[504] Fuck, and you can have separate.
[505] Why don't you just put Arnold Palmer in one And then you can get another one Without whatever you want in it Because I can't, I already can do that with my iced tea And lemonade Please you could have like gasoline Liquid gold I don't know that The idea that you're going to shoot gasoline out of your finger Is great greedy Be insane There's no way you don't get cancer from that And the fumes You could never smoke again Or do whatever you want with fire You could have to stay away from fire For the rest of your life You go skiing and people are like Let's gather around You're like sorry I'll blow up it's the worst idea you greedy fucking this is the discussion I want to be having this is the best send us your ideas everything my favorite murder at Gmail goodbye oh stay sexy and don't get murdered goodbye goodbye I jumped my line Elvis you want cookie good boy here right here don't go