MFM Minisode 245

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] To my favorite murder.

[2] Oh, yeah.

[3] The minisode.

[4] The minisode.

[5] That's Georgia Hardstar.

[6] That's Karen Kilgara.

[7] And we're recording on video right now.

[8] So it's going to be self -conscious, choppy, and less entertaining the normal, but people love video.

[9] That's right.

[10] It's going to be awkward.

[11] And you can watch all that on the fan cult.

[12] In the fan cult.

[13] Give him some angles, Georgia.

[14] Angles.

[15] Here you go.

[16] Your hair looks good.

[17] oh thank you i got to um cut and dyed yesterday it looks it looks like fresh yeah it's fresh it has some layers then i had to try to do a little styling then i had to undo the styling yeah and now i have a bunch of makeup and this is for the people that are just listening bunch of makeup and hair styled and the same black shirt i've been wearing for three years i uh in a cut i'd call it a steve jobs kind of approach too podcasting.

[18] It's minus the turtleneck part.

[19] But basically, I did my hair and then realized I'm just putting my giant headphones on anyway, so it doesn't matter.

[20] So that was a waste of time.

[21] But your bangs look great.

[22] Shiny swoopy.

[23] Reping.

[24] Should we do this?

[25] This is where we read you your hometown stories that you've sent us them and we appreciate it.

[26] Should we start over?

[27] No. This is the question.

[28] This is the question lately.

[29] Should we start over?

[30] Yes, but will we start over?

[31] No. Do you want to go first?

[32] Sure.

[33] Okay.

[34] Hometown, a literal axe murderer.

[35] Hi, friends.

[36] I will answer your desperate plea for more hometowns with this tale from my aunt.

[37] And our aunt.

[38] It's her run -in with an actual axe murderer back in the 70s.

[39] This takes place in Kings Park West in Springfield, Virginia, which is also a location mentioned in your Bunnyman episode.

[40] I thought this may have been the Bunnyman, actually.

[41] but it took place a different year.

[42] My aunt and her boyfriend were parked in a dark construction site making out one night.

[43] Oh, the 70s.

[44] The field they were in had some half -constructed houses, lumber laying everywhere, etc. Their car was facing the woods as they were making out when they heard a sound.

[45] My aunt heard it more so than her boyfriend did, but when the sound happened a second time, her boyfriend heard it enough that he turned the headlights on.

[46] This is firm enough to be to sound like a real urban legend right now.

[47] It does, but it's her aunt.

[48] It's not like her friend's aunt.

[49] You know what I?

[50] Very true.

[51] Out of the woods walking directly at their vehicle was a man holding all caps a fucking axe.

[52] And he started all caps walking on their car with it.

[53] Walking on their car with an axe.

[54] Holding it.

[55] Yeah.

[56] Like that's menacing.

[57] Nope.

[58] Sorry, I got the word wrong.

[59] Whaling on their car with it.

[60] Wait.

[61] Oh, so actually attacking the car.

[62] Yeah.

[63] So that's not like, oh, there's some guy who's like the foreman and he like is trying to scare kids making out.

[64] He's wailing on their fucking car with an axe.

[65] Punguring metal to scare children who are just trying to have sex in their small town.

[66] That's not a scare.

[67] That's menacing.

[68] Boyfriends struggled to get the key in the ignition to start the car because he was shaking.

[69] so badly.

[70] But when he finally did and punched it into reverse, the car backed into a huge log and got stuck.

[71] No. My aunt says it was like something out of a horror movie.

[72] They had to rack the car back and forth to get it off the log, screaming hysterically the whole time while evading the axe -wielding psychopath and they were finally able to peel out.

[73] They reported to the cops immediately.

[74] My aunt swears there were two men, though it sounds like only one did the majority of the damage.

[75] quite some time went by before she heard anything from the police but she was called into the station one day months later to identify their attacker in a lineup unfortunately the same man or men who attacked them with an axe later murdered a couple they encountered on a playground that was what got them arrested and the cops fingered the men as the same two who had tried to kill my aunt and her boyfriend so it's fucking a literal act sure truly murderers that's insane yeah It took my aunt a long time to cope with their near -death experience, and she still sounds traumatized when she talks about it.

[76] But she remembers damn near every detail.

[77] Of course she does.

[78] Stay sexy and don't make out near the woods, Katie.

[79] So she has a living relative who lived through what all urban legends are based on, essentially.

[80] And every 70s horror movie happened.

[81] Unbelievable.

[82] The thought of like, oh, here's a menacing man coming towards us.

[83] What's he going to do?

[84] And like, it's always like, what, what are they going to do?

[85] When they actually start wailing on the car is the moment of this isn't just a prank.

[86] Yeah, they're not just trying to be kind of scary and give some kids a fright.

[87] Right.

[88] Well, first of all, now you've involved our insurance company by actually puncturing my car.

[89] I keep thinking of like an axe going through metal.

[90] Yeah.

[91] That's scary.

[92] That's very violent.

[93] Do they have car insurance in the 70s?

[94] they've had it since the 1620s what if what if one of my secret passions was insurance yeah okay this is so good it just starts y 'all there's nothing more interesting than talking about your childhood with your parents and one of them casually mentions an interesting or slightly negligent piece of information I mean you're telling us yeah we based this whole podcast on that chef's kiss but thank you for it's good to restate the thesis so thank you yeah as conversations usually go with your parents involving wine one of them will slip up because you're an adult and you've already survived all their shit anyway so we're sitting on the deck after some random family dinner and then this part is written like a play dad to my mom hey remember when we saw one of their babysitters on america's most wanted mom oh yeah that was an unexpected plot twist and then it just says in all caps full fucking stop once i picked my job off the ground my dad went on to explain when i was a baby and my brothers were toddlers when my parents went out a woman who will call mary used to babysit us she took really good care of us washed us diligently cooked dinner and tucked us in before my parents would return this happened on fridays for a couple of months one night my parents were watching america's most wanted and a Picture of Mary, all caps, appeared on the screen.

[95] Oh, my God.

[96] I imagine my parents exchanging nervous glance.

[97] Needless to say, we never saw Mary again.

[98] I'm actually not sure if she was ever caught or what she did.

[99] What?

[100] The only thing I know is that, according to my parents, quote, she probably took really good care of you because your dad was a deputy sheriff and she needed the money.

[101] Casual shrug.

[102] Stay sexy and don't let wanted criminals babysit your children for two months.

[103] Devin.

[104] No. What did she do?

[105] I have to know everything.

[106] And like if she had already been a criminal and she was just casually at a, what was it state trooper?

[107] You know.

[108] Yeah, deputy sheriff.

[109] Law enforcement's house.

[110] That's balsy.

[111] It is genius like hiding in plain side action.

[112] Right.

[113] Right.

[114] Very smart of this so -called Mary.

[115] I would say, though, that this would be a much more kind of like excited story, excitable story.

[116] if Mary was some kind of a murderer I think that would absolutely have been told so it seems to me right most wanted maybe a bank robber that's what I was going to say something like that yeah something checks they did a lot of check laundering money laundering back then on the most wanted list when they were boring yeah the lady from the local of Daga that keeps writing bad checks 10 dollar checks she's on top 25 she could write 10 dollar checks to get a roll a quarter so she can do laundry Yep.

[117] Okay, hometown.

[118] Juicy Details.

[119] In the early 2000s, I was putting myself through college working at a fine dining restaurant in a small resort town in Maryland.

[120] One day, our matri -dee, and by the way, they put the little umlots and stuff all like wrote matri -D correctly.

[121] Our mater -dee, Richard, picture early 50s.

[122] The humlots for that French word.

[123] I don't know.

[124] I'm not French.

[125] Richard, picture early 50s, Silver Fox, impeccably put together, didn't show up for his shift.

[126] This was completely out of character, as he was always the first to arrive.

[127] Just before service started that evening, Richard's wife called the restaurant to see if he was at work.

[128] She was concerned.

[129] He wasn't at home, but the iron was on and his apron was still in the dryer.

[130] After her call, we were all concerned.

[131] Around 9 p .m. that night, Richard's wife called back to speak with the owner.

[132] our entire service staff hung in the, quote, dungeon, the staff hangout room, anxiously waiting information.

[133] The owner came downstairs and led with, Richard won't be coming back to work.

[134] Here's the scoop.

[135] His poor wife had come to learn from the police that Richard had been having an affair.

[136] Earlier that afternoon, he had been at the other woman's house eating filet mignon and drinking vodka.

[137] Then it says strangely specific details.

[138] After lunch, he picked up some item from the table.

[139] rumors abound steak knife key ice pick and stabbed her in the mid back and then left she was able to call 911 and relay what had happened and who stabbed her richard returned home apparently intent on heading into work and then she wrote you put his apron in the dryer and showered while he was getting ready the police arrived and placed him under arrest richard's wife arrived home to find richard missing sidebar on her way home she passed the woman's ambulance traveling with lights and sirens towards the hospital.

[140] So she gets home, the irons on.

[141] He's gone because they fucking yanked him out of the shower, basically.

[142] Well, everything was still on.

[143] The woman ultimately survived.

[144] Richard spent something like a year and a half in jail for the assault.

[145] What's weirder, during Richard's trial, we learned that in his early adulthood, he'd been living in the Cayman Islands.

[146] Then it says that might not be exactly right.

[147] Might have been the Bahamas.

[148] One evening, you're on the right.

[149] podcast.

[150] One evening after a meal of filet mignon and vodka, he stabbed his dining companion in the back as they left the restaurant.

[151] He served something like three years in a Cayman prison for that attack.

[152] What the fuck?

[153] What kind of weirdo had we been working with?

[154] That's all.

[155] Stay sexy and don't drink vodka with your filet mignon, Sarah.

[156] That was like his triggering meal beverage combination.

[157] What happened when he was a child eating filet mignon and vodka?

[158] Like something.

[159] Oh, that was his like school lunch and something went wrong also yeah was he waiting like was it one of those things where he had this this secret life kind of and it was all in balance and then whatever she told him could have been i'm going to leave you could have been i'm going to have a baby right like then he just flip there's a lot to be there's a lot to be heard about this story truly uh also just it really does seem like stabbing someone you should be in jail for more than one year.

[160] Yeah.

[161] Anyway, I won't read you this subject line.

[162] It just says, what's up, my people?

[163] I recently took a trip to my hometown, and while reminiscing with some friends, I was reminded of a story that I felt you needed to hear.

[164] I went to an all -girls Catholic high school in Louisville, Kentucky.

[165] We only had a handful of nuns teaching there, mostly just religion classes.

[166] This is, except for Sister Lorna.

[167] sister lorna taught two classes chemistry and forensic science elective because all nuns are blood spatter analysts right although i didn't get to take the elective she did drop a comment in my chemistry class that i'll never forget quick note to know first sister lorna is all business no nonsense and she does not joke around this is corroborated by my 70 year old aunt my 45 year old cousin oldish sister and now younger second cousins who all had her as teachers.

[168] Whoa.

[169] Yeah, right?

[170] She is clearly immortal.

[171] While learning about anthrax and apple seeds, she casually dropped this gem, quote, anthrax.

[172] Taste real sweet.

[173] I had a friend kill her husband that way, put it in his ice cream.

[174] Then she casually turned back around to the chalkboard and kept teaching, allowing zero room for any follow -up.

[175] Most people assume she was fucking with us, but I'm pretty sure.

[176] lying is against the rules of being a nun.

[177] Yeah.

[178] And like I said before, no nonsense, no jokes.

[179] Over 10 years later, I'm still thinking about that friend, her arsenic, and if she got any help covering it up from a forensics -loving nun.

[180] Stay sexy and don't trust nuns.

[181] M. P .S. She was also the only teacher to ever catch me cheating on a quiz.

[182] Talk about Catholic guilt.

[183] Ooh.

[184] Wow.

[185] Nuns.

[186] Forensics and nuns, I wouldn't, of course.

[187] wait with each other, but...

[188] I feel like I think she was just trying to freak and freak students out and make them pay attention.

[189] That's a good...

[190] I could see that.

[191] I just feel like...

[192] Yeah, but if you're a nun, uh, how would you...

[193] You can't lie.

[194] And you're not in the habit of...

[195] You're not in the habit of fucking with people.

[196] Yes, I high fagged yourself on that one.

[197] I was going to say, she can...

[198] She's not allowed to lie to adults, but they're just teenagers.

[199] That's true.

[200] All right.

[201] God doesn't mind a teenage lie.

[202] I mean, who knows?

[203] Who knows?

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[205] Absolutely.

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[223] Goodbye.

[224] Okay.

[225] Hometown stories, you asked.

[226] Hello, Karen and Georgia.

[227] First time, short time.

[228] I'm a new listener, but not new to loving fucked up true crime stories.

[229] My story happened in a town about 11 miles east of downtown.

[230] L .A. I worked in the town commuting from the South Bay and then it says where were podcasts during that hellish commute.

[231] They were a couple of years away.

[232] I would always stop for coffee at a Starbucks near work and then head into the office at about 9 a .m. I got a spot right in front.

[233] When I came out of the store, I noticed a young woman in the driver's side of a parked car next to me and she was upset and a man was standing over her between the inside of the driver's door and her seated.

[234] So like blocking her from closing the door.

[235] It looked like a family dispute.

[236] As I got into my car, I put my coffee in the cup holder, and I made eye contact with her.

[237] She mouthed, help me. And I said, fuck, and got out of the car and locked it.

[238] I said to him, I don't think she wants to buy her right now.

[239] You should leave.

[240] Sidebar, I had just started dog training lessons and had learned some good body language slash confidence building from it.

[241] So she, like, learned, used her dog training.

[242] I love that.

[243] I sort of from a distance.

[244] But wait, sorry, what does that mean?

[245] Like, she was standing.

[246] Yeah, like authoritatively.

[247] Because her dog won't sit unless she does it that way.

[248] Well, yeah, you have to have this like confidence about like you're in charge, not the dog.

[249] Oh, okay.

[250] Oh, so she was like, I was in charge at that dog training lesson and I'm going to bring that right into this potentially violent situation.

[251] Bring in the dog training energy to the man yelling at situation.

[252] Yeah.

[253] I sort of from a distance shooed him away.

[254] He said, okay, okay.

[255] He got into his car.

[256] I called 911.

[257] Told them that the make and model and license plate.

[258] Another woman came up to me in the law and said she saw what I was doing.

[259] We went to the young lady who was in hysterics.

[260] I was on full adrenaline.

[261] She said he had a gun and was trying to get her to move over so he could drive.

[262] She had met him at church and he had texted her to see if she would pray with him.

[263] my husband later told me to call 911 first then chase him away and then she wrote who knew the creep was soon arrested turns out he had a laundry list of priors he was 64 and had cut off his tracking parole anklet a last hurrah before retiring to prison I went to the police station oh and had a total meltdown at work 30 minutes later when the adrenaline wore off they handed me a photo lineup and I ID'd him he was arrested that day months later I was a witness at the trial and got to see the young lady she was in therapy and going to college he got convicted a year later the woman who helped and I were given the courageous citizen award and pin from the DA's office hey so kind of a superhero no big whoop stay sassy sexy and don't get murdered always be a badass bitch Jen Jen congratulations on your award and congratulations on calling an ankle monitor an ankle it truly a hero for our times an accessorizing hero of our times that is awesome though a woman like literally said help me and she fucking sprung into action also that just makes me think it I bet a lot of times like that if somebody is like the person holding the gun it's the whole don't make any noise right or you know basically just do what I say and comply right and the idea that there was a person there that she could even look at to mouth that too.

[264] Totally.

[265] Like, thank God.

[266] Serendipitous, timing, all that stuff.

[267] It's crazy and good for all of them.

[268] Good for everybody in that story.

[269] Uh -huh.

[270] Except for one person.

[271] Yeah, except for one piece of shit.

[272] Oh, this one is truly a gem.

[273] The subject line is Marg is for minors.

[274] Greetings, pets, and patrons of MFM.

[275] I was going to say, electrons because of margaritas i guess so okay you asked for embarrassing stories and my family retells this story 18 years later at every gathering so here we go these are what we want everyone yes this is it's all there i grew up in a very tight -knit suburban neighborhood full of young kids every year for the fourth of july my neighborhood would rotate houses to host a party with everyone's kids when my family's turn came around my mother was over the moon excited decorating the whole place and even going so far is to get enough alcoholic and non -alcoholic margaritas for the whole neighborhood to share.

[276] And then in parentheses it says you know exactly where this is going.

[277] Oh, no, I do.

[278] As guests started to arrive, my mother confident in me being the angel child that I was, sent me to grab the non -alcoholic margarita mix to start serving the kids.

[279] When my mom later went to the garage to grab the margarita mix for the adults, a full hour later, she'd realized she'd made a horrible mistake.

[280] Can I say something really?

[281] Sorry, go ahead.

[282] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[283] I just want to say, like, kids don't need non -alcoholic margaritas.

[284] Just give them lemonade.

[285] It's like fake cigarettes, you know?

[286] It's an adult's idea of what would be good, which is like, no, this is like sour, lemon, lime, not carbonated, gross.

[287] But you're also like a melted diet slurpy.

[288] But you're also telling kids that, like, margaritas are the only way to have a good time at a party.

[289] You know what I mean?

[290] right i feel like that person believed it i agree well and i don't disagree what other options i know it's so funny and not it's like j um mackenzie do you want salt around your rim come back over here okay so in a panic the adults rushed outside to find the alcoholic margarita mix depleted and the children of the neighborhood absolutely wasted oh my god i distinctly remember one mother being horrified and taking her in parentheses most of the sober kids home in a huff.

[291] Being a strictly rule -abiding child who couldn't even bear the thought of cheating on my homework, I was absolutely beside myself over having ruined the holiday.

[292] Another mom whose six -year -old had drank three margaritas and was found stumbling around drunk in the garden, grabbed my face while crying laughing to tell me I had given her the best Fourth of July of her life.

[293] Fortunately, for the sake of my reputation, the following year, another neighbor, accidentally shot off a firework into a crowd of bystanders and this quickly surpassed the margarita fiasco in the collective memory of our neighborhood but my family has never let me forget it stay sexy and be sure to read your margarita mixed labels um yeah but also mom don't send your kid down to figure out which one is which don't do you don't need to do virgin cocktails it's virgin cocktail it's like have a shirley temple or have why don't you take some hummingbird feeder mix because it's it's just like half sugar half die.

[294] Yeah.

[295] But also like oh I wish I could have been there for those drunk kids.

[296] Oh shit.

[297] How funny.

[298] Like not that it's good but how funny would have been.

[299] Well it's you know what it is that mom God bless her soul understood this is the weirdest craziest thing that could possibly happen especially in you know if it was 18 years ago that was like the dawning of the helicopter parenting era right.

[300] era right and suburbia where it's like nothing goes wrong I love it yes send us those stories you guys it's yeah when you did you fucked up big time but it actually it wasn't the worst thing it was kind of the most hilarious or kids accidentally getting drunk that's a great one my cousin did that at a Hanukkah party just went around drinking all the almost empties of glasses wine and shit shit face oh I got accidentally drunk a ton of times as a child um send us of my favorite murder at Gmail.

[301] Stay sexy.

[302] And don't get murdered.

[303] Goodbye.

[304] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[305] This has been an exactly right production.

[306] Our producer is Hannah Kyle Kreiton.

[307] Associate producer Alejandra Keck.

[308] Engineer and mixer.

[309] Stephen.

[310] Ray Morris.

[311] Researchers, Jay Elias and Haley Gray.

[312] Send us your hometowns and your fucking hoorays at my favorite murder at gmail .com.

[313] And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at my favorite murder and Twitter at my fave murder.

[314] And for more information about this podcast, our live shows, merch, or to join the fan cult, go to my favoritemerder .com.

[315] Rate review and subscribe!