#51 - Joey Diaz

[0] I'm not internationally known, but I'm known to rock a microphone.

[1] Oh.

[2] It's crisp and clean with no caffeine.

[3] It's better than the other brands I have seen.

[4] It's not a different color like all the rest.

[5] It's the radest, the coolest, and the best seven of.

[6] Who sings that?

[7] Third grade.

[8] Is that a real friends from third grade?

[9] Give me some fine on us.

[10] Smelling more pretty.

[11] I can see you feeling city.

[12] What's wrong, man?

[13] I don't mind if you tell me. Just start following me around trying to smell me. The garden's down there, yeah.

[14] Go smell for yourself.

[15] This is some secondhand smell you dig.

[16] You talk too loud in the movies.

[17] Would you please be a little bit, considerate.

[18] You've had a bit too much to think.

[19] Something's on the flink.

[20] Because you've got weight to any dirty dishes in this thing that's a hygienic man. You're going to get cockroaches.

[21] And cockroaches always lead to more cockroaches.

[22] Yeah.

[23] You need fumigation or some hard -going depths of infest.

[24] Don't say it, man, just do it.

[25] You want to curl up in this warm fluid.

[26] You talk too loud in the movies, would you please be a little bit to consider it?

[27] You talk too loud in the movies, would you please be a little bit of considerate.

[28] You talk too loud in the movies, would you please be a little bit of considerate?

[29] You talk too loud in the movies, would you please be a little bit considerate?

[30] Stop.

[31] Look, look again.

[32] Something's looking at me through your eyeballs.

[33] And that certain little something might go bloom If you let it Blown if you let it Don't forget it like ma 'am I need a towel Let's just use new towels on the pool What's the story?

[34] 1 -2 -1 -2 What's the story here?

[35] Mad Flavor This motherfucker started I gotta hear music and shit Mad Flavor in the house Ladies and gentlemen How are you guys doing all right?

[36] This is the Joe Rogan Experience podcast with Brian Ryko A .K .A. Red Band With our special guest Joe Coco D .S. A .K .A. Mad Flavor a .k .a. Planet Rock, a .k .a. Joey Karate.

[37] Sponsored, as always, by the flashlight.

[38] I don't know why I have to hold this up to the microphone or to the camera.

[39] Because a lot of people have seen it for the first time right now.

[40] Oh, okay.

[41] I do every time, though.

[42] I don't know why I do it.

[43] I just keep holding it up.

[44] Most of the people probably listen on iTunes anyway.

[45] Right.

[46] Or the Zoom.

[47] I don't want to be Microsoft racist.

[48] Right?

[49] Yeah, totally.

[50] Is there something you hear in the background?

[51] Yeah.

[52] Do you hear that?

[53] Oh, that's a song.

[54] Sorry.

[55] It's the show.

[56] Yeah.

[57] Anyway, fleshlight .com.

[58] If you go to my website, Joe Rogan.

[59] There's a link.

[60] And if you order this, it gives you 15 % off.

[61] And it feels really good if you fuck it.

[62] And one other thing, just a little shout out.

[63] Because when I spoke to one of the owners, Chris, he said they were going to come up with some new ideas.

[64] You know, like when you buy a box of Campbell's soup and shit on the side of it, yeah, it gives you the directions for Campbell's suit.

[65] But it also gives you the directions for other things you could do.

[66] And I was thinking about other things you could do.

[67] Like you could take this out and put ice cream.

[68] in there and fuck it you follow me a lot of people haven't invented that yet that ice cubes i wouldn't do it but i know for some people you put ice cubes it's like a fucking drink you put some ice cubes you shake it up and you fuck it or dry ice or green tea heated you know i'm saying because it feels nice on your dick or let's say you had a rough night the like before you banked 18 hookers and your fucking dick is bleeding you put absin salt in there with warm water and you fuck the absent salt just a couple different recipes we have for you at joe rogan experience not that i would try this shit But I know a lot of you fucking freaks would try this stuff at home.

[69] I know Red Band would definitely try it.

[70] I wouldn't try ice cubes.

[71] That would make it shrink and be sad.

[72] Well, whatever the fuck.

[73] Maybe somebody stepped on your dick at an MMA contest.

[74] Wouldn't dry ice burn your dick?

[75] Well, that's, some people like that shit.

[76] Talk, 20 years ago, I went to a club to get Kueludes.

[77] And I walked in, I never forget.

[78] It was called Ramrod.

[79] It was a gay bar in the city.

[80] And we were kids.

[81] We were like 18.

[82] That's the first time I seen a dude with a cape on.

[83] I thought it was the coolest fucking thing in the world.

[84] A man had a cape on.

[85] And I walked into this club.

[86] And before we walked in, there was a fetish club on the side, and there was a guy in a tub that had a sign on him that said spit on me. That was his fetish for people to spit on him.

[87] So here's the beauty.

[88] I'm standing there.

[89] You know, your jaw's going, you're drinking.

[90] You know, you had to pee.

[91] And all of a sudden I see 20 guys standing on the line for the fucking bathroom.

[92] I asked him, I go, listen, well, don't you just ask the guy in the tub if we could pee on him?

[93] So I walked over to the guy.

[94] Can I ask you a question?

[95] Do you mind if we pee on you?

[96] The guys go right ahead.

[97] There was a point in the night.

[98] I looked at him.

[99] He had a circle of guy.

[100] You know those guys that don't want to wait on line?

[101] Like, fuck it, just pee on him.

[102] When I left, the guy had three inches of pee in the fucking tub.

[103] The sign was all fucking melted, like the black ink would have been melted.

[104] This guy wanted people to spit on him.

[105] We ended up pissing on him.

[106] And I pissed on him.

[107] I'm guilty of him.

[108] I don't give a fuck.

[109] He didn't suck my dick or nothing.

[110] I would piss on anybody.

[111] I don't give a fuck.

[112] He seems like the luckiest man. Oh, please, but that's a crazy -ass fetish.

[113] But you never know.

[114] Some people's chicken is another man's gumbo.

[115] You know what I'm saying?

[116] I don't like pissing on myself.

[117] but this guy wanted you to piss and spit on him so fucking.

[118] Wow, what is that?

[119] That's crazy shit.

[120] That's crazy shit that when I was in Seattle on Wednesday nights at the comedy club, they had a fetish club afterward.

[121] And there's a couple times I stayed.

[122] People are fucking crazy.

[123] It ain't my bag of tricks, you know, but people are crazy.

[124] But like clips on their nipples and all that.

[125] I'm not into that fucking shit, but some people are.

[126] Where's all that shit coming from?

[127] What's all that come from?

[128] I don't know, the same people who are in hoarders.

[129] I don't know.

[130] I don't know what these people fucking come from.

[131] It's just a broken, brain like someone who just wants to shock the shit out of everybody i don't know like sometimes you're sitting there going well i need some action in my sex like fucking people in the ass just ain't enough no more i just want to lay around and have people piss all over me yeah like all that shit or come on me or like my boy and it wasn't really the guy that wasn't what what the guy's intentions were the guy just wanted people to spit on him wow i just took it to the next level because i'm crafty like how about dudes who like girls to beat the fuck out yeah there's people who are A lot of them.

[132] A lot of them, dudes who like girls to beat that shit out of them, kick them in the balls, punch him in the face.

[133] It's fucking, there's so many videos online.

[134] Dudes love that shit.

[135] I go for it until like the third smacked and I lose my mind, I'd fucking punch her right in the throat.

[136] You know what are you fucking kidding me?

[137] That's a weird instinct to want to fight with chicks and smack them around.

[138] Or for them to smack the fuck out of you.

[139] Yeah.

[140] But what are you going to do?

[141] There's people that animals all over, you know?

[142] There's people that only fight with their spouses.

[143] They don't fight with other people.

[144] They just fight with their spouses.

[145] You know, with everybody else, they, like, resolve arguments with their spouses.

[146] They beat the fuck out of each other.

[147] Yeah.

[148] Sorry, I was doing some business.

[149] What are you doing?

[150] Oh, the plug was loose on the laptop, and it was only coming out of the left speaker, so now it's coming out of the right.

[151] But only for Ustream.

[152] Oh.

[153] Tech talk.

[154] Sorry, you stream.

[155] So you've been having a successful podcast lately.

[156] How's it going?

[157] Very good, sir.

[158] What do you guys do?

[159] No. What the fuck?

[160] I'm going to say.

[161] He's just funny, man. Very good, sir, just the way you say it.

[162] I'm what I'm going to say.

[163] What do you guys talk about?

[164] Like, what's the whole podcast about?

[165] Well, the Joey Diaz podcast.

[166] It's with Felicia Michaels.

[167] Felicia Michaels.

[168] Who's a hilarious comedian.

[169] And it's called Beauty and Peace.

[170] She's the Bob Coosie of the thing.

[171] She controls the fucking thing because she's nice and white.

[172] You know, the Celtics were winning in the 50s.

[173] They had four fucking black guys jumping up and down.

[174] But the guy who was the hang wrangler was whatever the guy just said.

[175] The little Bob Coosie was the white point card.

[176] Right.

[177] You know, he was five for five.

[178] You wouldn't listen.

[179] listen to him, but he fucking controlled, you know, he pulled the brains in.

[180] You know what I'm saying?

[181] So she's like the brain puller, and I go fucking nuts.

[182] I don't know so little about sports.

[183] No, no, we don't talk about sports.

[184] No, I mean, just saying, it's just a, it's just, I don't know who is.

[185] You know, I just used that.

[186] You know, I should know.

[187] No, you don't have to know.

[188] You were fucking born.

[189] I just used a wild analogy about it, you know what I'm saying?

[190] What's up, Red Band?

[191] You're all fucking spot.

[192] There's a fucking big group of people that don't get into any sports at all.

[193] No sports.

[194] It's no nothing.

[195] And when you talk to him about it, they're just like, oh, no, I'm not really into sports.

[196] Except for the UFC, I'm that person.

[197] I'm more than surprised at how many people are just like that.

[198] How many people don't like going to sports.

[199] But there's people that you would never expect that were like big UFC fans.

[200] Like that I would think would be like above this.

[201] Right.

[202] Like Mike Judd, the guy who created Beavis and Butthead and, you know, the Fox show.

[203] What is that Fox animated show?

[204] King of the Hill.

[205] King of the Hill and, you know, in so many fucking movies.

[206] He's a huge fan.

[207] I hung out with him in Austin.

[208] Oh, really?

[209] You win?

[210] Yeah.

[211] Well, I met him before, too.

[212] Oh, really?

[213] Yeah, I met him a long time ago.

[214] Oh, that's awesome.

[215] He was hanging out with Paul Sims, and they were playing instruments together.

[216] And this is when I was in full Mike Judd man lust, because this is when he had done Beavis and Butthead.

[217] So I was a full -on fan boy.

[218] You know, I was like, oh, man, it's fucking Mike Judd.

[219] Because Beavis and Butthead, to me, was the funniest cartoon of all time.

[220] Yeah, totally.

[221] The funniest animated show at Corn Julio.

[222] Dude, I remember crying, laughing, laughing so hard I couldn't breathe watching that show.

[223] And I didn't even smoke pot back then.

[224] Wow.

[225] I didn't even smoke pot.

[226] That was the best part about Beavis and Bubb getting really stoned and watching Beavis and Butthead.

[227] Dude, I got a, I did something for whoever did Beavis and Butted, something for MTV.

[228] And they hooked me up with every episode ever on VHS.

[229] Wow.

[230] They gave me and this chick that I was dating, this is when I first moved here.

[231] And me and this chick that I was dating just sat.

[232] in front of the TV all day.

[233] We ordered pizza.

[234] I didn't even have a couch.

[235] And we watched these episodes, every episode of Beavis and Butted.

[236] Crying laughing.

[237] Wow.

[238] So hanging out with him.

[239] I was like, this guy likes the UFC?

[240] Like, I would have thought, I would have thought you'd have been above that, sir?

[241] I can't believe you.

[242] You haven't seen mediocracy yet, have you?

[243] Idiocracy?

[244] No, no, I haven't seen that.

[245] You got it.

[246] You got it.

[247] If you're a fan of him and your theories and how you think the world is and stuff, it combined those two, it's that movie.

[248] Yeah, everybody told me, well, a lot of people actually accused me of stealing my bit about dumb people outbreeding smart people but luckily I had it on DVD before that movie came out so no one could say What did the adequacy come out?

[249] About four years ago but I think Three years ago about What is that about?

[250] It's the futuristic world Yeah yeah and it came It went right to video I believe You know what man I read for that Look it's a the idea you know the theory That people or dumb people are outbreeding smart people It's not just mine But was it just was that the movie where they wanted mixed races No no no no it's a movie where dumb people take over.

[251] Like, it's eventually there's no smart people left, which is basically just like my bit.

[252] But, you know, everybody sees that.

[253] Everybody's, you know, that's the number one concern that an intelligent person has is that, look how many dumb people are having kids.

[254] Look how many dumb people are in your school system clogging up, you know, the system with their fucking kids that are already predestined for retardation, just by the way you've raised them.

[255] You've just fucked their heads up.

[256] It's been raising than what they're exposed to also.

[257] Lately, I've been watching a little bit more television, just so I could be in the fucking loop.

[258] Instead of criticizing, I've been watching more television.

[259] It's fucking scary guys.

[260] Reality TV, I've been watching the Kardashians.

[261] For the first time, I didn't know who these people were, and I wanted to see what this is about.

[262] That is the goofiest fucking show ever.

[263] Yeah, it's ridiculous.

[264] There are some shows out there, but I'll tell you what show is kicking that hoarders.

[265] How can you let yourself go that?

[266] You know what's that makes me sad about the Kardashians show is Bruce Jenner.

[267] Oh, he's a bad shit.

[268] Bruce Jenner was a motherfucker A motherfucker's motherfucker.

[269] He was a fucking one of the greatest Olympians ever.

[270] What did he do?

[271] The decathlon?

[272] Is that what he did?

[273] What the fuck did he do?

[274] He threw spears.

[275] He threw the fucking thing.

[276] He ran.

[277] He was a super athlete.

[278] He was a super athlete.

[279] A real true super athlete.

[280] And he's still a bad motherfucker.

[281] He just got caught up.

[282] He got the plastic surgery.

[283] I mean, I don't, that's just, how can one deteriorate to that point?

[284] Everybody is doing plastic surgery.

[285] Even young kids are shooting us.

[286] and Botox shit.

[287] We were talking about that girl Heidi Heidi Montag.

[288] Yeah.

[289] That's what we do.

[290] We talk about her one.

[291] No, we're talking about it because she apparently is friends with Brian's friend Esther.

[292] Yeah.

[293] Her sister's a podcast together.

[294] Her sister's...

[295] She used to be the UFC ring girl for a while?

[296] Uh, for...

[297] No. That's Heidi Hollywood.

[298] No, no. Oh, no, no, no. I'm talking about the other one.

[299] I'm talking about the one that's in Playboy.

[300] Yeah.

[301] I don't know these people.

[302] I tried guys.

[303] The one that was on that show, the girls next door.

[304] I went to a party the other day.

[305] I don't think we didn't talk about this.

[306] How crazy, have you ever been to a crazy Hollywood party?

[307] Like, you know, just thousands of thousands of dollars were spent on a party.

[308] I was at a party the other day that there was baby tigers.

[309] That's how crazy.

[310] It was like burlesque dancers, the biggest sushi bar you'll ever see, and baby tigers walking around.

[311] And I was like, that's ridiculous.

[312] And then you walk out and it's like, oh, there's Nikki Hilton.

[313] I guess if you're going to have a party and Nikki Hilton's come to a party, you have to get baby tigers or she will be pissed off or something.

[314] You know, because these girls have this fame now where like the Kardashians and stuff like that, where they go to parties and they expect certain things.

[315] Parties are weird, man. Parties are weird when you're going to basically a club that is someone's house.

[316] I mean, that's what parties are.

[317] Yeah, your house turns out of your friends, and it turns to this gigantic conversation pit of people.

[318] Those are so strange, man. When you don't know people, you don't know who's there, there's 100, 200 people in your house.

[319] I mean, how many parties you've been over like that uh that was i've been to like two like the south park guys had a party once where everyone was dressed like moulon rouge and they were like everyone spent like four hundred dollars per costume at least kind of party it was cool you walked in and it was like it looked like a circus that was the first one i went to it and the second one was this one the last one i went to was they had staff that was trying to keep people out of the rest of the house they would have staff that would like stand there with their hands behind their back so you couldn't go upstairs you couldn't go rummaging through you know the bedrooms and shit but they had like a living room area where you're allowed to go to and then some big crazy ass backyard and just some nutty rich motherfucker that just wants to have a bunch of people over his house dancers on polls you know that I hate fucking parties they're very strange man I was a kid I'd never really been They're very strange I don't like people at my house either for a party Every time the door opens everyone's head turned towards the door like who's coming Who's it gonna be?

[320] Look who it is Who's it gonna be?

[321] Oh it's her I saw her in that magazine She looks fat in person.

[322] Oh, my goodness.

[323] She's had some work done.

[324] Well, a party here and a party where these people are watching it is.

[325] You guys go to a party, it's normal.

[326] Somebody pukes, somebody catches a beat, and a purse gets robbed.

[327] That's a fucking party.

[328] When you go to these parties here with these worthless motherfuckers, and they're all walking around thinking that they're...

[329] And it's fucking amazing.

[330] It's amazing that people stand out of line for hours to go into a club.

[331] These are the things that take me and I get baffled by it.

[332] Like, I wouldn't wait.

[333] fucking 10 minutes to eat dinner.

[334] Never mind, stand there to get on the fucking club.

[335] By the time I'm standing there, the acid kicked in, I wouldn't waste my fucking time.

[336] If I'm not walking in, I don't want to be there, man. That's a strange thing about clubs with big ass lines.

[337] And then VIP tables and whatever.

[338] When I was a kid, you did Coke in the bathroom.

[339] That was the fucking VIP.

[340] All right?

[341] That was VIP.

[342] Now you've got to have a VIP table.

[343] It's 1500 just to sit.

[344] You got to be behind the velvet ropes.

[345] A hundred per bottle?

[346] What if I fucking want water.

[347] Listen, man, if you want to live like you're in an R. Kelly video, there's rules.

[348] There's no rules.

[349] I once was in one of those lines where I was with two girls and we waited in line like an hour to end this club.

[350] And then I get to the front and they go the two girls can come, you have to wait.

[351] And I waited for another half hour until I get in.

[352] I get in and then they're like And the girls are already with guys.

[353] No, no. The girls were like, this place sucks.

[354] Let's go.

[355] I'm like, oh.

[356] Where was this?

[357] I don't remember.

[358] Miscellaneous Hollywood bar.

[359] Wow That's brutal That's brutal There's this one place In Hollywood that's cool It's like a bondage type Dance club You walk in There's net above the bar Where people Naked girls are just climbing above you So you're drinking and looking up And there's just like Spider -Man's on top of you It's crazy Wow That's crazy Yeah weird fucking parties like that man That's like a big social thing Like who could put on the craziest one who can have, you know, baby tigers.

[360] Right.

[361] You know, the one I went to just had poles.

[362] An ice cube that melts.

[363] The fuck is that?

[364] Like an ice coach.

[365] Like, once the ice coach is done, the party.

[366] Are you fucking, the party's over when I say it's fucking over.

[367] Party's over when fucking Papa does his last fucking line.

[368] That's when it's fucking over.

[369] Are you fucking kidding me?

[370] It's a swan.

[371] Oh, please.

[372] It's a beautiful swan.

[373] It's carved to have ice.

[374] That angel's melting.

[375] It's amazing.

[376] It's amazing art and it's temporary, just like life.

[377] It's amazing what they've done to parties and what people think a party should be and how they stand on line and you wait an hour.

[378] So you go to a party for four hours.

[379] You may be if you're a regular person and get four fucking drinks at the bar.

[380] By the time the bartender comes to you and you give a, it's amazing and you're going to go through all this shit.

[381] I think I've told the story about the very first big party that I ever went to I was in high school.

[382] I think I've told the story before.

[383] It was a big brawl that broke out.

[384] I was with my pal Jimmy Wallace.

[385] who was Sully on the message board and me and him and this kid John Bataraco we went to this party this Iranian kid through this Iranian kid had just moved into town his family was very very wealthy and he just wanted to make some friends so he decided he was going to throw a party because his parents weren't home well this kid was like you know like 14, 15 years old or something so he throws this fucking party and has just like five different high schools there like the entire class like seniors juniors everyone's underage, everyone's drinking.

[386] The place is mobbed, and people are stealing shit left and right.

[387] So this place is flooded with horny drunk teenagers, and it's a mansion.

[388] It's a mansion in like this incredible old Boston neighborhood with this giant lawn.

[389] I mean, it is a huge fucking place.

[390] And right in the middle of this party, these kids are drunk, and one chick says something fucked up to some dude, and the dude says something fucked up to her.

[391] I don't remember what the words were, but I remember something she did to him.

[392] She either smacked him or she threw a drink in his face.

[393] I've forgotten because the right hand that he hit her with is embedded in my brain.

[394] There's no room for anything else.

[395] This dude knew how to punch.

[396] And whatever she did to him, I think she hit him.

[397] Maybe she hit him.

[398] He fucking uncorked one on her face.

[399] I've never seen a dude knock a chick out like this before.

[400] He knocked a chick out like she was a dude.

[401] Boom!

[402] Just connected on her face.

[403] face with like this perfect punch and her arms went out her body dropped she went totally unconscious this dude caught her as she went unconscious and then it was on it was just on it was tables were flying glass was breaking people were diving onto piles of people and it was like a fucking movie i was like covering my ears and sneaking my way through the house bro it was brawls everywhere you looked it's like that one punch lit a fire that these kids were just looking for reason to fight.

[404] And people started screaming to people and then piling on top of people and girls were fucking hitting people with their shoes and people were diving off piles and diving on other piles.

[405] That's a fucking party, Jack.

[406] I got outside.

[407] My friends were all cut up and shit.

[408] They're like, let's get a fuck out of here.

[409] They had just gotten through a pile.

[410] You know, like dudes were just piling on to each other.

[411] Dudes were just fighting.

[412] It became like they got infected with that rage shit from 28 days later.

[413] Wow.

[414] What's your little party like that?

[415] It's tough to stay in the fucking hour.

[416] You know what I'm saying?

[417] VCRs and Julie we saw people walking out with shit we saw them walking out with shit They just robbed his dude's house he knew nobody he just moved there it was nuts wow It was nuts and I'm just I'm just thankful that nobody fucking jumped on me that's all it well I mean easily I could have been at the bottom one of those piles there was no logic to those piles Those piles were just wild chimp ad alcohol who's this fucking prick this fucking prick from newton north thinks he's gonna come down here we one shit here.

[418] You know what the scariest thing about the whole thing is, zero cell phones.

[419] So that's, that, that was like, no. Those are the good days.

[420] You had 10 minutes to get your fucking car leave and nobody took a picture of your license plate.

[421] You know, you can hit somebody with a chair.

[422] You had eight minutes to get the fuck home.

[423] The bad time is back down when someone stole your car.

[424] They stole your car.

[425] That's it.

[426] That shit's gone, son.

[427] There's no internet.

[428] You can't put the license plate online.

[429] You can't look at mobile me to find my car.

[430] Take your shit, man. One of the biggest lessons I ever learned.

[431] I never drank again on New Year's.

[432] Never after I. seen that one new year's i went to a party like that it was very chill everybody was having a good time and also one of my buddies couldn't drink he started drinking and he started spitting on the floor oh no the people that the person said something to him and he put like 200 hours and the person said something to him so like really he goes he'd take my money and leave well i'll fucking he started some shit next thing you know all fight broke out that's the first time fuck mike tyson danny bionculele bit my friend's ear off that night we had a drive to the hospital with a baggie with icing and the bottom of his earlobe was in the thing and he kept holding on for the car saying as soon as I get stitched up I'm gonna go back there and fuck him up it was one of those type the kid bit him in the ear it was hanging he's got his ear and a baggie with ice and he's like I hope this fucking doctor hurry's up because I'm gonna go back to his house and knock the fuck out of him he just beat you up ten times to stop you the 10th time he bit your fucking ear because he couldn't take it no more he didn't know what else to tell the fucking kid But I remember that I never drank on New Year's again I was like I never want to be in that position There's some dudes that just don't give up No this motherfucker until his day won't give up You have to kill him with a stick He was covered in blood They broke him up and he would say okay I'm all right He'd wipe his lip, he'd wipe his face They'd say go over and shake Danny's hand He'd go over to Danny and say Danny I'm sorry But your mother's still a crime Let's go one more fucking time And then they'd do it again for 20 minutes The kid would beat the fuck out of him again.

[433] All right, get me. All right, I'll stop.

[434] Danny will go.

[435] You're going to stop this time here, yeah, yeah.

[436] Break it up, towels, ice, massages, you know, Stitch would be there.

[437] And while Stitch is showing them up, here, let me go shake his hand, bro.

[438] Yeah, it's over.

[439] You know what?

[440] Your mother still has VD in the asshole.

[441] Jesus fucking Christ, he just beat you up 10 fucking times.

[442] And that's how bad it was, and I never, ever, ever drank again on New Year's, dog.

[443] That's the East Coast thing.

[444] Yeah.

[445] That's some East Coast Rocky Marciano jeans.

[446] And his parents were like, where were his friends?

[447] And we're like, look at our shirts.

[448] It's covered with fucking blood.

[449] You know what I'm saying?

[450] Like, we were holding on to him for dear life.

[451] Some people with their kids, it's just like having a pit bull that gets to leave the house and go wherever the fuck it wants.

[452] Right.

[453] You know, with some people, you know, there's some people that have some crazy fucking kids.

[454] Did you imagine if you had a crazy kid where every time he was leaving the house, You knew he was going to come home, covered in blood.

[455] His knuckles all fucked up, screaming and yelling at 3 o 'clock in the morning.

[456] I just have a feeling that if that was that happened to me, like, if it got really bad, that I would be like, all right, I'm taking you to the orphanage or whatever.

[457] Like, I feel like I would give up.

[458] If the kid was like this little redhead kid getting in fights every day and like...

[459] Yeah, you say that, man, but you have to be a real piece of shit.

[460] I don't want this anymore.

[461] I'm going to Canada and doing crack.

[462] You have to be a real piece of shit to give you a kid up.

[463] People don't give their kids up.

[464] They keep trying.

[465] But that's what I'm scared.

[466] I feel like I would do that.

[467] That's excitement.

[468] Your kid fucking getting in trouble.

[469] What?

[470] That's excitement.

[471] Your kid having some fucking drama.

[472] Let me ask you something.

[473] You want a half a fag fucking kid, is that what you want?

[474] You want your kid to have some fucking opinion.

[475] Even at an early age.

[476] And for him to have some opinion, there's going to be some problem somewhere along the line, guy.

[477] Yeah, that's true.

[478] You had your own fucking opinions at 8 and 9.

[479] I know you.

[480] And so I don't know about fucking you, but I know I did.

[481] I told people what the fuck was on my mind.

[482] I know you did.

[483] You grew up by yourself.

[484] You want your kids there.

[485] I'd see these kids.

[486] Listen, before I was driving, I seen this kid, Jewish kid with a yama on, walking around like a fucking momo with sandals on.

[487] I almost pulled over and grabbed them by the shirt and said, you're a fucking Jew.

[488] Act like it, you dumb fuck.

[489] Walking around like some fucking dumpy wumpy dude.

[490] I've seen these kids.

[491] You're a Jew, act like you?

[492] Act like a fucking Jew, go out and mug somebody.

[493] What's a fucking jukees or something?

[494] Wait a minute.

[495] You're walking around like a fucking mumpy dumpy in North Hollywood.

[496] What's a mumpy?

[497] What's a fucking mook with little sandals on?

[498] Look at these fucking kids today.

[499] You want half of these kids to be your fucking kids?

[500] What do you care?

[501] I'm just saying it's not what they're dressed and shit.

[502] I'm just saying it's not what they're dressed like, but you know this kid's a fucking mook walking around.

[503] You can tell by his body.

[504] Is that racist?

[505] No, I think it's a moot.

[506] Like he's a fucking moron guy.

[507] What the fuck?

[508] You've been hanging out of me for six years.

[509] You don't know what a fucking moot guy.

[510] Jesus fucking Christ.

[511] Why would I know that?

[512] You know what I'm saying?

[513] You want half these fucking kids around your Texas?

[514] all fucking day and drinking energy drinks you need these fucking kids these kids can't even work they're so fucking worthless you want this shit in your life you want your kid to have a little opinion and to stick up for himself you want your fucking principal to call home and say hey man your teacher your kid suspended because he told the teacher he didn't believe that or he didn't believe what he was saying or something and then you talk to him and you level him out but you don't want half these fucking kids of the sheep fucking mooks I don't want no fucking kid that's a half a sheep I understand that what I'm talking about is crazy kids What kind of crazy kids?

[515] What's a crazy fucking kid?

[516] You never grew up with a crazy kid?

[517] I am a fucking crazy kid.

[518] What are you talking about?

[519] What's a crazy kid?

[520] A kid that's going to cause problems all the time.

[521] It's not going to cause problems all the time.

[522] If the kids are causing problems all the time, it's scary.

[523] It's like your kid out.

[524] I didn't like fires.

[525] I didn't do nothing like that.

[526] I didn't mug other kids or rape little fucking girls.

[527] I was a fucking kid that liked to have a good time.

[528] Yeah, me too.

[529] I was an idiot.

[530] I was an idiot when I was a kid.

[531] Why were you an idiot?

[532] Oh, I used to drive too fast.

[533] I had always had hot rods.

[534] I spun one out in front of the school and smashed it into a tree, right in front of the school, and broke the car in half.

[535] Wow.

[536] Listen, I was a moron.

[537] There's no way, a 17 -year -old, I think I was, maybe 16, shouldn't have able to have a car like that.

[538] What kind of car did you have?

[539] 68 -442.

[540] Is it a regretting yours?

[541] No, because everybody lived, but they didn't have to.

[542] You know, that car could have hit somebody.

[543] Yeah.

[544] Oh, okay.

[545] That car could have hit somebody.

[546] We were all fucking idiots.

[547] The car was a piece of shit.

[548] The problem was I didn't know how to drive when it was raining, when the car's hydroplane, because it had shitty back tires on it.

[549] And I hit the gas, and the car just lost it.

[550] It just spun out, and there was no way I can control it.

[551] I didn't know what I was doing.

[552] There was no way I should have had that kind of a car.

[553] The kind of powered those cars have, old muscle cars like that.

[554] What did you have before that car?

[555] What was the...

[556] My first car was a muscle car.

[557] I went straight to muscle cars, man. My first car was a 73 Chavelle.

[558] I'm an idiot, dude.

[559] I didn't want something that gives you economy.

[560] I had no guidance growing up.

[561] I was pure instincts.

[562] Mine was like, what's the craziest shit I could get?

[563] You can about the engine?

[564] Fuck, yeah.

[565] I wanted like high cubic inches, you know?

[566] What is it?

[567] It's a 400?

[568] It's a 400.

[569] Holly 850 double pumper?

[570] Holy shit, let's get that.

[571] I wanted it.

[572] Blah, blah.

[573] I just wanted hot rods, man. That's, to me, it was like there was cars that were like just, they would get you around, but they wouldn't do anything for you.

[574] And then there was hot rods.

[575] Like, why would you have a car that wouldn't do anything for you when you could have a car that every time you look at it, you go, holy shit.

[576] You know, but they're just such a nightmare.

[577] You really shouldn't be allowed to drive one if you're 16, 17 years old.

[578] That's a death trap.

[579] It's a crazy engine in this little retard brain of mine, and I'm 16, and I'm allowed to have this fucking metal monstrous death machine out there with a bunch of people with their kids out there walking in the streets.

[580] And there's no way.

[581] There's no way kids should be able to have that kind of power.

[582] What was your first card?

[583] 1981 Renault Alliance.

[584] And my cousin was just going to, like, donate it to charity, but I bought it off for a dollar for, I guess, for some reason that you can, you have to have pay something for some reason.

[585] And it was all beat up, and my dad's like, this is your first car.

[586] You have to redo this whole entire car to make it look new and stuff like that.

[587] I'll show you how to do it, but you have to do all the work.

[588] So, like, we took, like, side panels off, and I took that putty, that molding putty, and I had to re -sculpt this Renault alliance.

[589] Wow, you bonded it?

[590] Yeah, bondled the whole car.

[591] So he made you, like, earn it.

[592] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[593] And so I, but at the end of it, it looked like a brand new Renault Alliance.

[594] Really?

[595] It was like, it was a Renault Alliance.

[596] But it was still funny because it was like, then I went to a station wagon with wood on the sides.

[597] I had a, I had a bunch of cars that were like big American muscle cars, a bunch of them in a row.

[598] And then I got, I always had, there were always pieces of shit.

[599] the one that I crashed in front of the tree or into the tree rather was the best one that was the nicest one that I had the ones afterwards were just shitboxes mostly because I was broke but I got an Audi Fox do you know what that is?

[600] Yeah it's a little tiny front wheel drive car manual it was my first manual and it was my first like really well -engineered car and it was the first car that I drove it was like what a piece of shit these fucking American cars are God like you don't realize like what a hunk of shit you know it is to drive a 70 barracuda like all stock and everything with stock brakes and stock suspension those things are just barely connected to the road they're just all over the fucking place taking corners with them as a nightmare the steering is numb you have no idea where it's going and you take that and then you go to like a little tiny car that's like well engineered and handles well it's like wow this is an amazing difference and that car was a piece of shit you know but it was still it was so much better and then I started to appreciate cars that weren't powerful I didn't have to be that powerful to me. I just realized it was...

[601] The Toyota Super, I think, was my favorite car growing up.

[602] That was fun.

[603] That was my first expensive car that I got.

[604] Really?

[605] Yeah, when I got on TV.

[606] When I was on news radio, that was the first expensive car I got.

[607] I got a Toyota Supra.

[608] I was like, holy shit, I have a fucking Toyota Supra with the crazy space wing on the back of it.

[609] I heard they're bringing it back.

[610] I heard the Supra's coming back.

[611] Really?

[612] I heard that a couple of months ago.

[613] Well, you know they have that Lexus, if you've never seen it, that LFA.

[614] They have this new Lexus that's this incredible piece of engineering.

[615] I mean, it's like $400 ,000, and you're not even allowed to buy it.

[616] Apparently, what you have to do is you have to lease it, and you have to pay the entire lease portion up front, and you get it for two years.

[617] And it's like $260 ,000, and you have to pay for it for like two years.

[618] My numbers might be off, but you lease it for two years, and then at the end of two years you get an option to buy it.

[619] And it's this fucking insane new Japanese supercar.

[620] It's like 500 plus horsepower.

[621] It sounds like, it's like a super car.

[622] It's like the next generation of car.

[623] How long until Apple makes the car, the I -car?

[624] You know that's on the works.

[625] That's on the table somewhere and some German.

[626] Do you think so?

[627] I absolutely think so.

[628] Look at the segue.

[629] Imagine Apple mixing in with the car, electronics and combining with another car company to have like just the ultimate car.

[630] I think they should just stick with fucking computers.

[631] And it would be the gayest thing ever.

[632] It'd be like, what's those things that everyone has now?

[633] I'll hear the hybrids.

[634] Oh, yeah, Prius.

[635] It would be just like that.

[636] Everyone would have the same fucking car.

[637] Oh, my God.

[638] My first car was a fucking 73 Monte Carlo.

[639] Black on black leather, 500 down, 200 a month.

[640] I got it from the bank.

[641] I drove the car for two months like a pimp.

[642] I had the electric package with the windows.

[643] I had the roof.

[644] And one day in the middle of the winter, I went over the city to get some weed.

[645] And I went and we were smoking, so I put the, the sunroof up and all of a sudden the sunroof went back and the windows started going up and down like the electrical system was sizzled I told my buddy fuck it put your thing we're out of here I swear to God it was in a blizzard I went back there three days later the car had a foot of snow on it and all the windows one window was shut the rest of the window are coming like a day later the sun came out I went back two days later with a tow truck there was nothing nothing it was the back, it looked like a fucking chicken the day after Thanksgiving.

[646] It was just bone.

[647] They took everything, Joe.

[648] The seats, the upholstery, the fucking black around it.

[649] It was just the tires, the whatever, the axles, they took everything.

[650] They left the body on bricks.

[651] That was it.

[652] I never heard from the bank.

[653] I never paid it off.

[654] It never came back in my credit thing.

[655] It just vanished.

[656] It's just, puff.

[657] Poof.

[658] I never paid for it.

[659] I went years.

[660] later to get credit and like is there a check bank of fucking America with nothing what I put up nothing I never how is that possible don't my fucking ass me I left the car there with five dollars for whatever yeah it's his five dollars in those days like all you had to do is go by George Washington Bridge and under the bridge you left your car there with the keys in it with a half a tank of gas and leave like a nickel bag your car you go back to the next day they would be nothing there nothing vanish You can get fucking Barney Fife on it They wouldn't find your car In New York They would demolish your car Like that There's some little shops In New York Like body shops Like this And Can I see up in Brooklyn They're like rat dens You're done You can find like a broken down Street A broken down car Driving into all these places They'll give you $100 cash and 20 for gas And you'll never see that car again though Anybody involved in a junkyard In a junkyard Yeah the guy's involved In a junkyard That dude knows how to get rid of a car I just watched something.

[661] I just watched something on CNBC about how big the airbag business was five years ago before they put the numbers on it.

[662] You have no idea.

[663] People just steer airbags.

[664] Oh, my God.

[665] People stealing airbags like it was going out of stock.

[666] I mean, just taking your airbags.

[667] Yeah, is it worth a lot of money?

[668] $1 ,500 a pie.

[669] Really?

[670] So I give it to you, and you saw $1 ,500.

[671] You rob them, you take it to a guy, he gives you three.

[672] And he sells it at $1 ,500.

[673] Wow.

[674] And everybody's in on the scam because nobody wanted to pay $2 ,500.

[675] Wow.

[676] So a guy could steal one and sell it for $1 ,500?

[677] He was stealing $20 a day.

[678] Oh, my God.

[679] He's doing that.

[680] Holy shit.

[681] Dude, who's doing that?

[682] Some dude who's making $30 ,000.

[683] That's who's doing that.

[684] That's incredible.

[685] The guy had a ring.

[686] Airbag ring.

[687] And it got so big that he had to get an office and eventually got popped because he was so big.

[688] He was sending him out across the country.

[689] He went on line.

[690] He went on fucking line.

[691] Airbags for sale.

[692] Next day delivery.

[693] Air.

[694] This guy was, so you'd say, though, I need.

[695] Whatever car you have, I want a 2010 airbag for car, giving your order by the next day.

[696] He'd send out a robber to go steal it and send you the airbags overnight.

[697] It was on fucking CSNBC, a one -hour special, and how bad this shit was.

[698] That's craziness.

[699] Fucking airbags.

[700] How did he think he was not going to get caught if he had a bunch of people working for him?

[701] You'd have to do that ninja style.

[702] It would have to only be you.

[703] That's a business where you can't have too much growth.

[704] If you want to go around and around stealing, you've got to be the one who understands where to steal, when to do it, how the alarm were.

[705] The Stealer.

[706] He had, it's like, course, of course not.

[707] Why would they work for him?

[708] Why would they work for him?

[709] They're the ones are going to get arrested.

[710] You sat around all day and waited for him to say, here, go get a 68 Chavelle.

[711] Here, go get a Brunalt.

[712] Here, go get an 89 Subaru.

[713] And they just drive around until they find it.

[714] There it is.

[715] There it is.

[716] Now you don't even have to need like a color.

[717] So did they do it at night, everything at night?

[718] I don't know.

[719] I didn't fucking say, really.

[720] But it's just amazing that, you know, even if you go over to that, you know, Iraq and, Iran.

[721] Years ago, they found that when they went over there, that all the cars they were driving with stolen cars in the States.

[722] Wow.

[723] That they were just sending the whole cars over there.

[724] So when cars get robbed here and we're like, it's in Mexico, no, it's not.

[725] It's a cab in fucking Iraq.

[726] Wow, that's cool.

[727] And Iran and Sudan and all those countries.

[728] That's cool.

[729] That's what the stolen cars from here go in.

[730] A fucking tank, you know?

[731] Scary.

[732] It's amazing.

[733] And everybody's in on it.

[734] And here we're thinking, like, oh, my fucking car got robbed.

[735] I left my fucking kids' pictures in there, whatever the fuck.

[736] And that's what they do with your shit you know it's it's fucking amazing that uh and every day they come up with a new fucking scam whether it's online i read something of people doing online that's just fucking amazing now the internet has really destroyed scammeries here's a new uh facebook scam that i just witnessed last night uh people who get hacked accounts on facebook they'll like you'll be on facebook and suddenly a little chat will pop up and like dude check this out and then they put a link and it goes to like the login page of facebook again and so now they're attacking through chats on Facebook.

[737] Like it looks like they're chatting to you.

[738] Wow.

[739] So watch out for that one because the person I was with almost did it.

[740] I was like, no, wait a second.

[741] Why are you logging back in, you know?

[742] Whoa.

[743] So watch out for Facebook.

[744] Yeah, those are tricky, man. What is that?

[745] A virus?

[746] How do they do that?

[747] Somebody gets hacked and I think it just grows and grows and grows like a virus.

[748] Yeah, like one person got hacked and then those person's friends.

[749] And they connects to websites or the websites, the ones that are trying to set you up.

[750] Like, how's it, how you get into that?

[751] What it's doing is, yeah.

[752] I don't know.

[753] It's like collecting information, I think, about people, probably.

[754] Because someone told me that sometimes you'll go to a legit website, and a legit website will have been hacked with this thing.

[755] Right.

[756] I don't know.

[757] I don't think it's sad.

[758] I think it's almost like a spam bot that somebody puts on Facebook.

[759] Like Myspace used to do.

[760] So they can't do that to your website where you would go to redband .com, and all of a sudden it would say, hey, you know, log in, you know, to Facebook or something like that.

[761] Unless that your server got completely overtaken.

[762] That's what would be?

[763] Yeah.

[764] Or there's your website code.

[765] voting got somehow can they can't they invent a virus that does that like every time someone wants to click on a link it opens up a window asking them to log into something absolutely that's why your servers have to have good virus software and and detections and what a tricky world we live in i'm petrified of the computer petrify like he's fucking petrified of it yeah i don't put my name on there like there's things i want to order and shit i just get i read about all this stuff on that i don't know anything about it so it even scares me more like that even scares me I mean, what do you have photos of you?

[766] What have you have drawings, writings?

[767] You know, what do you have that's like you would really worried about getting out?

[768] I don't know.

[769] What is the big deal you people make about?

[770] I don't know what the fuck would be.

[771] I bet he has a lot of videos, like webcam videos of him just sitting there, like recording.

[772] I think, I think, oh, no, no, no. He's got like a whole Toneta series.

[773] No, no, no, no, no. I mean, all right.

[774] If I happen to you, what could I get from you?

[775] Nothing.

[776] Writing mostly.

[777] My writings are, you know, it's just the most.

[778] intimate thing on my computer.

[779] I'm going to have to quiet these kids up.

[780] It's okay.

[781] What are you going to do?

[782] It's their fucking house.

[783] You know what I'm saying?

[784] It's their fucking house.

[785] I know it's their house.

[786] So what are you on from me?

[787] We're imposing in their house.

[788] The missus should have told them to not play in the door.

[789] There's children out there.

[790] You know what I'm saying?

[791] We should shut up in here.

[792] These fucking people don't know nothing about kids.

[793] Right away, he's dropping knowledge.

[794] You know what about fucking kids?

[795] That's their fucking house.

[796] So old school.

[797] This is their house.

[798] We're over here like bothering them.

[799] This is four o 'clock.

[800] I don't know if you look this is their fucking time when we were kids at four o 'clock you come into my house time me you shut up bitch i got bitch i got papaya on i'll stab you you know what i'm saying all i'm saying is don't play in front of my door right oh they're cute kids let them do what they do this is their house what are you gonna do right i like i like the background noise brane is so old school or excuse me joey's so old school right and that's beyond he's B -B -I and a ruler.

[801] You're so old -school.

[802] It's almost like, like, you have your own defined set of rules.

[803] Yeah, and he still use MySpace.

[804] Yeah, I have to.

[805] Do you still use MySpace?

[806] Dude, really?

[807] Pimp it.

[808] Bro, you got to bring the motherfuckers to you.

[809] You know what I'm saying?

[810] Enough is enough.

[811] If you put it out there, you got to have something.

[812] There's nothing wrong with MySpace.

[813] And I'm going to tell you what.

[814] Because in a year, it'll be back.

[815] Yeah, but you know.

[816] In a year, it'll be back.

[817] And then all you momos that got rid of your page and slipped all your friends.

[818] All you mooks.

[819] Hoops me. You wappy tappies.

[820] I'll have my friends in that zone.

[821] I've been paying attention all this time.

[822] Why are people getting off my speak?

[823] Because, see, Joey, here's a perfect example.

[824] It's fashionable to get off.

[825] When you're...

[826] Jen Hardy lost two in a row.

[827] Do you not hang out with him no more?

[828] You know what?

[829] You got to hang on my screen.

[830] All your friends aren't real.

[831] All your friends aren't real.

[832] Those are robots.

[833] What do you think?

[834] Those fucking momos on Facebook are going to hang out with you and bail you out when you hit somebody to head with a stick?

[835] I don't think so, you're fuck.

[836] Go fuck yourself with your friends.

[837] You just want to get out there and tell people what's happening.

[838] And Facebook, there's still people alive and kick into their old school.

[839] Bitch, I still got 8 -track tape.

[840] I'll send you an 8 -track.

[841] I'll send you a podcast on an 8 -track and shit.

[842] That's the problem with you fucking kids.

[843] Everything has to be fashionable.

[844] Stop fashionable.

[845] They got to come to your fucking world.

[846] That's what we're serving here.

[847] Sorry about the phone.

[848] It ain't me this time.

[849] They ain't you this time.

[850] You know what I'm saying?

[851] That's what's fashionable anymore.

[852] I got to have a fucking goatee and shave my head and have an hearing.

[853] What the fuck?

[854] We do what we do.

[855] That's why we do.

[856] Form Spring.

[857] That's why people are special.

[858] That's why we're special because we're fucking free, man. We've got to have a voice.

[859] Joey, are you registered to vote in California?

[860] That was fucking hysterical.

[861] You said that.

[862] Somebody called me yesterday from Sacramento.

[863] Here's people, listen, I've got a total all together about five felonies.

[864] You know what I'm saying?

[865] Total, like all together and out of 52 states, that ain't fucking bad.

[866] There's only 50 states.

[867] Yeah, so even if I have one at least, there's 50, that's less than 10%.

[868] It's only 50, and two of them are questionable.

[869] Right.

[870] So there's 52, 54.

[871] Alaska and Hawaii.

[872] I got five.

[873] Yesterday I got a call.

[874] They got a call from Sacramento yesterday.

[875] Yeah.

[876] Asking me if I was interested in working the election for one of those coxswain.

[877] Oh, that's hilarious.

[878] I don't even know what she is.

[879] Oh, my God.

[880] You should say yes.

[881] I'm thinking about it, but they threw me off.

[882] I was stoned and they were asking me a bunch of personal questions.

[883] Like, if I'm a Republican, you know, I don't even know what the fuck.

[884] You say you're Cuban.

[885] I'm Cuban from Miami.

[886] Of course I'm a Republican.

[887] I never went through Miami.

[888] I went around that motherfucker.

[889] You know what I went around.

[890] Where did you land?

[891] New York City With fucking Jay Z and the chick on the piano But it's so close to Miami You can claim my name No no no no I don't want to call Miami If you live in San Bernardino If you lived in San Bernardino And then you were in North Carolina And some shit goes where you're from You go L .A. Jay did you ever play stickball When you live in New York City You did And I took the Everybody did You take the fucking thing off the chairs You see that thing Joe's got in his chairs That it's on the bottom to hold your chest so don't slip.

[892] You take that out.

[893] You unscrew it from your dad's workbench and you take it to the hardware store for a quarter.

[894] They take the screw out of it.

[895] And you take that metal thing and you take a crayon, whatever your color is.

[896] Mine was burgundy red in those days and you melt the crayon into the middle and then you go out and play those fucking things on the street in New York where they have one, two...

[897] It's like nine ball.

[898] Nine ball without the fucking stick.

[899] So you play that for money.

[900] That's how I made money in the first and second grade.

[901] You got a big deal with your finger.

[902] I always thought stick ball was like baseball.

[903] And you have stick ball.

[904] which is automatic.

[905] It's, you know, that's a single.

[906] If I hit your mother's fucking pot roast, it's a double.

[907] I was, I was very lucky that there was not a pool hall anywhere near my house when I was growing up.

[908] Very lucky.

[909] Because I didn't get into pool until I was 21 years old after I'd hurt my knee.

[910] I tore my ACL and I couldn't do Taekwondo for a while.

[911] I couldn't kickbox.

[912] So I needed something to do with my time.

[913] You know, just something to, just for my, all I was doing was doing stand -up.

[914] So I started doing this.

[915] I started, playing pool.

[916] If I was like seven, eight years old and I started playing pool, I would have been fucked.

[917] I would have never paid attention in school.

[918] I would have just been obsessed with playing that fucking game.

[919] And I've been like one of those dudes.

[920] Like every pool hall you go to, there's some kid who's just caught in school and he's just sitting around waiting for somebody to gamble all over the country.

[921] They're just sitting around for it.

[922] You want to play game?

[923] Want to play game?

[924] And it's all just about that's, that's just like how they fulfill their competitive instincts and desires.

[925] They just get caught up in games and gambling for pool.

[926] And then you ever watch that episode of The Twilight's There was a twilight zone where a pool hustler, like played for his soul.

[927] Yes, for his soul was.

[928] Yeah, and, you know, and it turned out that he lost.

[929] That time of the episode, who was in it?

[930] We talked about this already, you and I, you just got...

[931] Jonathan Winters.

[932] Jonathan Winters was the devil.

[933] Yeah, and Jack Klugman was the pool player, and he wanted to be the best.

[934] Excellent one.

[935] Yeah, and this guy was like a dead guy, and he came back to play him, right?

[936] And the, the thing was he had already lost.

[937] It's because he had devoted his entire life.

[938] to just plain pool he'd wasted his life he'd wasted his life playing this game so he'd lost anyway and it was like wow it's like you don't realize like there's certain things that you can get obsessed with and you know and it's fun and you enjoy it and you can you can have a good time you can play golf on the weekends and it can add flavor to your life or you could just get caught up in it and that becomes everything you know and gambling when you're a kid when you're a young kid how many guys you know that you were, you were kids that all they wanted to do was play cards.

[939] All they wanted to do was find games.

[940] All they wanted to do was gamble.

[941] Go to the track, race track, horse track, everybody was gambling.

[942] When you were kids?

[943] Fuck yeah.

[944] I didn't live with those kind of kids.

[945] I really, one thing I really, I never told you about that, my mom had the bar.

[946] And from the ages of like seven to ten, I was very, I got hooked on pool.

[947] But it was the reason why I stopped playing pool was because I got really creepy.

[948] It overtook me. Oh, yeah.

[949] I used to get into pool and I would say things to people about them.

[950] That was creepy, like, as I was playing.

[951] And one day I went home and I checked myself.

[952] My mother asked me, she goes, what the fuck is that?

[953] Just your competitive drive.

[954] Yeah, and it really taught me. I never wanted that feeling ever again.

[955] Like, it stopped me from being that competitive.

[956] It's not just balls going into a hole.

[957] There's something about pool.

[958] There's a reason why everybody has this thing about pool being a manly game.

[959] You know what I'm saying?

[960] Like, there's certain games, like, it's not, who gives a fuck if you're good at Donkey Kong?

[961] No one's going to be impressed.

[962] But, like, you know what I'm saying?

[963] If a girl beats you at Donkey Kong, what the fuck?

[964] Who cares?

[965] A girl beats you at pool, though.

[966] That's a totally different world.

[967] There's something very manly about being able to control that ball, being able to keep your composure, being able to pocket those difficult shots, being able to run out.

[968] That's a manly thing.

[969] That's a being able to keep your shit together and keep everything tightly tuned.

[970] It's almost like a moving yoga sort of a thing.

[971] I'd be so much more pissed if a girl beat me at Donkey Kong.

[972] Really?

[973] Would you?

[974] I'd be like, this is horrible.

[975] What is happening to me?

[976] That's just because you're a super nerd.

[977] Right.

[978] Like, if she beats me at pool, but like, I agree.

[979] If a girl beat me at Quake, that would be way worse than pool.

[980] Quake would be way worse than pool for me. But Quake was a bigger obsession than pool was because I didn't always have to, you know, I couldn't always get people to play me in pool.

[981] Like sometimes I'd go to the pool hall and there'd be no one to play.

[982] You know, you'd have to sit around and wait or you have to practice by yourself, you know, and maybe someone will come in and, you know, this guy can't play him.

[983] He's too good or he won't give up a spot or I'm looking for a new, With playing quake You just get online Anytime you want You can just hop online and play You need to buy the new Call of Duty next week I can't I'm scared I saw this fucking ad for the new Star Wars game There was a Star Wars game ad That they showed during the UFC It looks so dope Force Unleash too Oh my god The fucking graphics I don't know if this was in -game footage Or if it's one of those tricky things Where they like pretend it's in -game footage But it's not really It's just like some animation About the game they've created Right The last one was pretty good but that's not my cup of tea too much.

[984] I like the first -person shooters more.

[985] Unless they change that, it's not a first -person shooter, it's a third -person shooter where it's like from behind the person.

[986] Oh, I don't like those.

[987] Yeah.

[988] Yeah, those aren't as fun to me. I want to see everybody else.

[989] I want to see it as if I'm seeing it.

[990] I don't need to see my character.

[991] That's stupid.

[992] You know, I might want to see the hand in front of me with the gun.

[993] I kind of like that look and quake sometimes when you see the hand in front of you with the gun.

[994] Like, sometimes it's easier.

[995] It's easier to remember what you have, too.

[996] Like, you don't remember if you have a lightning gun I don't know if you have a rail gun.

[997] Sometimes I would just have it where I'd only see the crosshair.

[998] But that's the most fun game the way.

[999] That's the most fun way to play it to me because it's the most immersive.

[1000] Because that's how we see things.

[1001] We don't see our body outside, our body running around.

[1002] That's ridiculous.

[1003] It doesn't even feel like me. But when I'm playing Quake, and it's just me, you know, there's a crosshair and I'm running down hallways and shit.

[1004] It's too exciting.

[1005] Can't do it.

[1006] Scary.

[1007] Dude, you should do it, and now do it in 3D.

[1008] That's the best.

[1009] When I'm playing first -person shooters in 3D on, on that.

[1010] TV.

[1011] Oh, I'm sure.

[1012] I'm sure it's give you like crazy eyesight.

[1013] It would probably fuck with your eyeballs.

[1014] Yeah, it's intense though.

[1015] You feel way more immersed into it.

[1016] A lot of guys when they're playing quick, they kill all the graphics.

[1017] They would kill all the graphics and make it look really flat.

[1018] And the idea would be that so that the opponent would show up better and so that their processor, their computer processes it faster.

[1019] But that looks terrible.

[1020] Yeah, but they're more in it for the numbers.

[1021] They're in for the looks.

[1022] Like the rail gun looks like you only see like a straight line to it there's like a lot of a lot of the graphics are gone flame have you ever played a video game joey no not even pacman uh pacman yes were you uh pacman frenzy back in the day you were pacman i'm the other one mrs packman miss back me tell you somebody who got good at that quake and started playing it anybody would get hooked it is so exciting because it's so 3d you know the thing about first person shooters especially ones like quake it's like you can do things like you can you can you can run around you can jump you can you can you can rocket you jump, shoot down at the ground, and go flying through the air and land on things.

[1023] I mean, this is a completely three -dimensional world, and most of these maps that you're fighting on, they have all these levels to them, layers and levels, and you travel back and forth and up and down, and you're running down these corridors.

[1024] It's all in real time.

[1025] Fighting other people.

[1026] It's so exciting.

[1027] You really need to play some new video I can't.

[1028] I can't.

[1029] I'm scared.

[1030] Because if you really think that highly of Quake's graphics in a world...

[1031] Quake 4 is pretty dope, dude.

[1032] Even Quake 4.

[1033] You take Quake 4, the best machine you can possibly by you take that.

[1034] How times that probably by two million and then that's where like video games are now.

[1035] Really?

[1036] Which games are really like?

[1037] There's just so, like Call of Duty is one that I personally love.

[1038] It's, it's amazing.

[1039] I mean, it's so realistic.

[1040] It's just so immersive.

[1041] You remember when we saw...

[1042] Florida lands, another one that you would totally fucking love.

[1043] Do you remember when we saw Gears of War before it even came out?

[1044] Yeah, Gears of War.

[1045] Way early.

[1046] Absolutely.

[1047] Our buddy Cliffy B from Epic Games, who's a cool motherfucker got to get him on.

[1048] Yeah.

[1049] I would love to have him on the podcast he's just one of the nicest guys ever and just super cool friendly dude and we met him uh and he showed us a bunch of shit it was before gears of war ever came out and he was like you know what did he was it well we're gonna we're about to fuck doom in the ass right that's what yeah because doomed 3d it just came out yeah yeah i forgot all about that yeah remember that and he was showing us the gears of war stuff and we're like oh my god yeah that was like eight months before that game was even like released or something like or announced man you don't realize what hard work is until you see game developers.

[1050] You see the amount of hours they put in, like Tim Willits from Id Software and Todd Hollingshead and all those guys and John Carmack.

[1051] You know, getting to hang around with them, getting to go to like ID software and see like where they make the game.

[1052] First of all, it's so humbling how fucking badass these guys are.

[1053] Like the designs and all the crazy graphics and all the things they're constructing.

[1054] You know, I remember we went there to Id before Doom 3 came out and they were showing us like some demo versions of it.

[1055] it's just fucking amazing shit just that the artwork but then you talk to them you're like like how much time do you guys spend working this and they're like it's like 16 hour days every day you work on sundays yeah they work constantly man it's them they'll take time off and go on vacation it's amazing how much like they're kind of like south park for yeah it's eight months you know and then there's like even when it comes to everything in hollywood like any kind of cg or computer graphics it seems like they're all like that like i know somebody that's doing Harry Potter 3D right now And it's just like 19 hour shifts Yeah what's up with that man If you had kids and you know It's like you motherfuckers need to hire more people Like this is ridiculous Why is this guy gonna work 16 hours Don't you guys make like a billion dollars a year Doing this shit?

[1056] I mean how many fucking video games do they make You know video games make a fuck load of money man Did you ever play into playing the new UFC game with you in it And ever fuck around with it?

[1057] No I'm scared I told you I'm scared of games man I love it I don't want to get fucking hooked.

[1058] I don't want to have people over.

[1059] Come on, oh, it was supposed to be UFC.

[1060] And then all of a sudden, the sun's up, and birds are chirping, and I can't believe I'm still awake.

[1061] My eyeballs are shot, and I sleep till three in the afternoon.

[1062] Yeah, I did that.

[1063] I did that for years.

[1064] I love it because in Target, they have a UFC demo that's constantly playing.

[1065] And so I was in Target the other day shopping and suddenly hear your voice behind me going, oh, no, or something like that.

[1066] I'm like, what the fuck?

[1067] Let's fight with me. Isn't that what you probably do in?

[1068] Well, we actually did.

[1069] We did two things.

[1070] We did it so I have to go in, start working on it again.

[1071] Oh, really?

[1072] Yeah, we're working on a new one soon.

[1073] They just, I think next month I start.

[1074] Wow.

[1075] But what we do is we play certain clips of fighters like doing stuff and you call the action while it's actually happening.

[1076] You do that.

[1077] And then you also like make imaginary scenarios, like imaginary scenarios like heel hook transitions to the arm bar and watch how he transitions to the back and we try to come up with a bunch of different, you know, possibilities for that.

[1078] And then we have descriptions of this fighter taking on this guy and this fighter taking like endless combinations.

[1079] So there's so many hours put into the game.

[1080] I mean, just ridiculous, stupid hours.

[1081] Now, dude, when you guys filmed it, was there any Easter eggs that you know of where you had like weird scripts that you wrote that was like, all right, why am I doing this?

[1082] This is weird.

[1083] No, that's a good question, though.

[1084] That's a good question.

[1085] Because there's a lot of Easter eggs in games, right?

[1086] Yeah, there's actually a bunch of games.

[1087] There's a list of like the top 10, I think it was on crack .com of the top 10, like, east.

[1088] Easter eggs that took the longest to find.

[1089] Like, there was one that it was just found the other day from some NES game, you know, from...

[1090] I don't get Easter eggs, man. I don't get it.

[1091] I love it.

[1092] If you want to put something on, like, and Eddie Bravo on his Twister, the DVD to Twister, he had the Easter egg was Brian Callan doing that gay Brazilian Jiu -Jitsu instructor.

[1093] You don't remember that?

[1094] You've seen that video, right?

[1095] Which is hilarious.

[1096] Like, dude, why wouldn't you just put that on the DVD?

[1097] Yeah, that seems...

[1098] Yeah, Easter eggs should be just little things, maybe.

[1099] That's a brilliant thing.

[1100] Why would you hide that?

[1101] somewhere deep in your, where you have to press Control, Alt, delete to get to it or something.

[1102] What do you have to press to get to Easter eggs?

[1103] It's usually it's just up arrows.

[1104] Like you have to hit the air right down.

[1105] Yeah, but you have to do it in the right order, right?

[1106] Like down, left, right.

[1107] It depends.

[1108] Sometimes it's crazy.

[1109] Fuck you.

[1110] Fuck you for making me look for shit like that.

[1111] That's right.

[1112] If you got something, if you got something, show me. Put it out there.

[1113] Yeah, what the fuck.

[1114] What the fucking is your hunter?

[1115] Put it out there.

[1116] What is this shit?

[1117] Aren't you even embarrass yourself to your daughters and shit?

[1118] See, there's no of the bosses.

[1119] Yeah, you go out there.

[1120] you say you can't talk.

[1121] No, you don't, you look at you weird like that.

[1122] Who runs this motherfucker?

[1123] You don't say that.

[1124] You look at the wife and you go, we're doing the podcast.

[1125] Then the wife will tell you later.

[1126] Oh, okay.

[1127] Really?

[1128] Are you fucking serious?

[1129] She doesn't.

[1130] I've had them all goddamn day running up and down, running around Target.

[1131] They heard your voice yelling and screaming.

[1132] They thought it was you there.

[1133] What are you nuts?

[1134] And look at them, they're nice and quiet.

[1135] That's why you can't say nothing to the kids.

[1136] You know, I told you you don't say anything to the kids.

[1137] Nothing.

[1138] They run the fucking place.

[1139] Hey, Joe, have you ever heard of something called Geo, Caching, I think that's what's going.

[1140] Geo -cashing?

[1141] No. It's this whole thing.

[1142] This is one of these weird things that you would never know existed.

[1143] Unless you just ran across it.

[1144] It's like a game that the whole Earth or whatever is the playing field.

[1145] And these people put GPS coordinates to different boxes or treasures throughout the whole...

[1146] Oh, I have heard about this.

[1147] It's so crazy.

[1148] So what it is, there's maps, and there's websites that you go to that you try to find these little boxes that spread out throughout cities, everywhere.

[1149] And then you get to one of these boxes.

[1150] You open it up and I think you sign like your name on it.

[1151] And then you look, sometimes there's little treasures or presence in there and you just, or you add things to this little box like, you know, like a cool badge or like a diamond or like a diamond or whatever.

[1152] You know, and then, uh, it's like this whole like game that people play.

[1153] It's called geocaching and there's iPhone apps for it.

[1154] There's, it's, it's so weird.

[1155] I've always wanted to do it.

[1156] Like at least or at least look at a box and see what's inside of it, you know.

[1157] If you weren't worried about people being stalked and you weren't worried about nuts on the internet.

[1158] You could have a pretty dope TV show where you like give out coordinates and you know you tell this dude where to go and then you release that information on the internet and he's got to go do something and people from the internet will help him out.

[1159] Oh right.

[1160] But then the problem is you just have some nut who would just be like you know you and I are brothers in another life I have eaten crystals and seen his vision and he'd be fucking followed you around everywhere.

[1161] You could have issues with that dude you know and if he knew that he could get television by helping you and becoming your friend yeah you know but you can have a pretty dope tv show like that that would be cool you have to you can't that's no filter though you mean internet show yeah yeah yeah i guess i don't know man i mean you know it's still exciting dude tv is still what you're getting from tv the to what there's not it's not like there's not going to be tv anymore what it's going to be is that internet and tv sort of merge together yeah you know because tv's still cool because you've got first of all you got experience producers people who know how to film things correctly, people who know how to, like, write scripts.

[1162] You've got, like, all these talented motherfuckers, so it's never going to go away if the shit they're producing is really cool.

[1163] It's just somehow another they're all going to merge together.

[1164] But you're not going to get rid of TV.

[1165] The idea of, like, getting rid of TV, who's going to make lost?

[1166] Who's going to make something like that?

[1167] No, what it's going to be, though, it's like, that's an example.

[1168] You've got a Jimmy Kimmel's website.

[1169] You can watch, like, every single one of his episodes for way, way, way, way back, you know?

[1170] Right, right.

[1171] So, it's just going to get to a point where they're not broadcasting TV to like that's what I want to fucking do is watch Jimmy Kimmel you know what listen let's get down and fucking dirty here cock suckers what so like it's it's going to get to a point where they're just not broadcasting it anymore there's no cable companies it's just going to be like every show has their own website yeah for sure jimmy camels dot com instead of Jimmy Kimmel on channel 4 and then there's going to be people who set up networks online or it's just like it connects online to your television and it's an alternative It already has.

[1172] Google TV, Apple TV, all those other TVs.

[1173] Shazam.

[1174] So right now, your website might have some cool YouTube videos, but imagine it in the future being a channel.

[1175] I mean, we always said that that's probably what's going to happen, right?

[1176] That everyone's going to get their own channel.

[1177] That websites literally will be like channels, and everyone's going to have their own little fucking thing.

[1178] That's when it's going to be a real problem, like I reality show.

[1179] Like if Apple reduces a thing, produces some new thing where you make your own reality show, like it's a fucking hat and you put this hat on, and it's got like a little thing and there's a camera right in front of you and you just carried around with you and it broadcasts wirelessly on the 4G network that's what Justin TV started off as he did that one guy yeah that one guy 24 hours a day he was his own TV yeah but what I'm saying is that Apple would create an app like not an app but a device like a new version of you know like they have the iPad some new crazy thing and this thing would be an i reality show your own reality show it would edit it for you you'd be able to you know do it all with voice commands and shit cut edit rewind delete broadcast totally yeah it'll show it to you a little heads -up display right in front of you would you like to send this online right now yes bam do it online right from there that's when we're going to have real attention horrors who's going to you know who's going to do the nutty as shit on their reality show to get people to watch them totally and there's some people out there that'll become famous that can't get a reality show right now you think well hey you know all you do nowadays is get a reality show and you're famous Yeah, try getting a reality show shithead.

[1180] You think it's that easy?

[1181] You got to be like Kim Kardashian.

[1182] You've got to suck some black dick.

[1183] You've got to fuck it.

[1184] You've got to get people interested in you.

[1185] You've got to get that big, fat, white -ass, naked in front of the TV.

[1186] What are people going to see every week?

[1187] And also, she shows that big dick going into it.

[1188] Yeah, big dick going into her pretty face.

[1189] Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.

[1190] That chick just went for it.

[1191] She's just like, how about this?

[1192] Come on, seven.

[1193] I'm going to be a fake porn star.

[1194] I got a porn star with an out.

[1195] You know, you're going to watch me fuck?

[1196] but it's only because it was an accident.

[1197] You know, it's supposed to see me fuck.

[1198] Shut damn!

[1199] And then she just slings it out there.

[1200] All those crazy bitches, showing their pussy when they're getting out of cars.

[1201] I mean, they just took Hortem to, like, the next level.

[1202] It's when they raised the bar.

[1203] That's how hard it is to get a reality show.

[1204] You've got to do something like that, and you've got to be there.

[1205] You've got to be in this, the soup of Hollywood.

[1206] You can't start a reality show like that from Nebraska.

[1207] No one's going to give a fuck.

[1208] It's just not going to happen.

[1209] Well, everybody shot reality shows, even Octa Mom.

[1210] now you have to be fucking interesting Now you have to be interesting Now you have to be interesting You could shoot a reality show But now you have to be interesting You know like I was saying to you I've been watching a couple of shows lately I understand these fucking people crazy Hey let me tell you something dog I just want to mention one thing That this is the year of the Mexican The Miss America Felipe Espaza winning the last comic standing The dishwasher at Elcomadre Choo Getting off on that one pound of Coke deal With the racial profiling And now your boy Kaine, motherfucker fucking Velasquez on Saturday night.

[1211] It's the year of the Mexican.

[1212] Mexicans are taking over.

[1213] The year of the fucking...

[1214] It's the year of the fucking Mexican.

[1215] But the way he took over was amazing.

[1216] I couldn't call that in a million years.

[1217] That's why you didn't see a Joey Karate video.

[1218] Because I really couldn't call that.

[1219] He's a beast man. He fucked him up, dog.

[1220] I would have lost a lot of money at that UFC.

[1221] That dude's in psychological...

[1222] You know who first told me about this?

[1223] Well, I'd heard good things about him.

[1224] I'd heard like, this guy's really good.

[1225] You know, this guy is very talented.

[1226] This guy works really hard.

[1227] This guy's very dedicated, but you hear that about a lot of guys.

[1228] There's certain guys that stand out.

[1229] Kane was always a guy that stood out, like you'd remember him.

[1230] Like, people would talk about him.

[1231] Like, before, like, when he had, like, his very first fight in the UFC.

[1232] But Phil Barone was talking to me, and I think we were in Germany, and we were sitting around talking, and he was just going off about how good Kane is.

[1233] He's like, he's the real fucking deal.

[1234] He's the best in the world.

[1235] He goes, I don't give that up for anybody.

[1236] He goes, I watch him run through guys.

[1237] He goes, I watch him never get tired.

[1238] I watch him do these conditioning drills.

[1239] and he's the last one to get tired when guys like Josh Koshchek and welterweights and he was like you never see that you never see a heavyweight that can go at the same pace as welter weights and beat them in conditioning and endurance drills he's like the guy never gets tired he goes it's incredible he goes he would get you know like him and Koshchek you know and both of them are incredibly well conditioned and he would like do as much as Koshchek or more that's insane like you never hear about a 240 pound guy that's able to do that you know the 170 pound guys I mean, that's where the real endurance is.

[1240] You know, that's where the, like, 145 -pound guys, those motherfuckers can go.

[1241] They can go.

[1242] Frankie Edgar, try slowing Frankie Edgar down.

[1243] Good luck.

[1244] Frankie Edgar could go for 20 rounds.

[1245] If it was a fucking contest to see, like, Frankie Edgar is very difficult to catch.

[1246] You might be able to beat him in a decision.

[1247] Very difficult to grab a hold of.

[1248] Very difficult to catch in a submission.

[1249] I mean, he's fast as fuck.

[1250] His footwork's good.

[1251] His wrestling is good.

[1252] If every fight was 25 rounds, Frankie Edgar might not ever lose, ever for the rest of his life.

[1253] until he decides to retire.

[1254] If he just keeps going until one of your breaks, until one of your slows down, it's going to be you.

[1255] The motherfucker can just keep going.

[1256] There's certain guys at that weight, but you never hear about that for 240, except Kane.

[1257] Kane's the only guy I've ever heard about that as a heavyweight.

[1258] I mean, you hear things about Brock Leasner, that he's a freak like that his, like if you look at like his numbers, like his ability to like, I don't remember what his combine numbers were.

[1259] I have it on my computer somewhere.

[1260] It don't matter.

[1261] But they're insane numbers.

[1262] He got the fuck knocked out of him.

[1263] So the combine numbers.

[1264] don't come into it.

[1265] No, what I'm saying is...

[1266] Confused about it.

[1267] All those numbers go out the fucking window.

[1268] They do.

[1269] Let me tell you something.

[1270] You know what?

[1271] AKA seen that I've seen the first fight with Shane Carwin, bro, that really fucked me up.

[1272] It all comes to you right there.

[1273] It all came to me as I was looking at them right before they're getting ready to go.

[1274] I looked at my wife and I go, Kane Velasquez and then knock this motherfucker out.

[1275] And I didn't think that till right there.

[1276] That's why I didn't do a video.

[1277] And I thought about two things.

[1278] A lot of people saw that.

[1279] I thought that I thought that I seen what Shane did to him and I think that this guy just said I'm going to do what Shane did with endurance and just get him before the first round But then I've seen some in the Shane Carlin fight that nobody fucking mentioned Yeah There's one part in the Shane Carlin fight When they're getting started Where Shane Carlin hits him And after he gets hit he goes That motherfucker never been hit before bitch That motherfucker He thought this was a wrestling game He ain't never been hit before Did you know that?

[1280] I didn't think about that Think of an experienced fighter when he gets hit He'll smile He'll go like this He went like this.

[1281] Look at that first fight again when he fought Carl went.

[1282] And that's when I said, ooh, if A .K .A. seen that.

[1283] They said they seen something.

[1284] He don't like that.

[1285] Look at the fight again.

[1286] Somebody posted something on the underground.

[1287] They could have very well been trolling.

[1288] I have no idea.

[1289] What's trolling?

[1290] Trolling is just you post something that's not true to try to get people to bite.

[1291] And then people start arguing, this is bullshit.

[1292] And then, you know, you laugh your ass off because you got a bunch of idiots arguing over nonsense.

[1293] Do you know what trolling used to mean, by the way?

[1294] No. It used to mean a guy that chased after other men.

[1295] Really?

[1296] Yeah, because...

[1297] When was that?

[1298] Online?

[1299] Online?

[1300] I got in trouble with the animal pet, or Los Angeles Pet Police or whatever they're calling.

[1301] What?

[1302] You got, there's Pet Police, and somehow they got in trouble.

[1303] What are they called?

[1304] You got in trouble with the pet police?

[1305] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1306] Animal control.

[1307] What happened?

[1308] Because people on the Internet, like, outlaw and all these people were telling this poor girl on my space that I, like, tortured cats or something like that.

[1309] Oh, that's right, right.

[1310] You had made a fake video or something like that?

[1311] Yeah, I made a fake video where I had a cat in a refrigerator, and I used to, I was like, I keep it in the freezer and stuff like that.

[1312] Right.

[1313] But anyways, so they called Animal Control out at me, and I had to explain to this guy that I was trolling, or they were trolling people on the Internet, and he goes, trolling.

[1314] And then he's like, yeah, and he goes, what's trolling me?

[1315] And I'm like, you know, like joking or kidding, and goes, oh, well, that meant something else went back in my day.

[1316] Oh, okay, I see.

[1317] I see what the fuck you're saying, but way before the Internet, way before the Internet.

[1318] We're talking about she was trolling.

[1319] I'm my, what the fuck I ain't talking?

[1320] Well, trolling is like a lot of people, a lot of dudes will pretend to be girls and they'll get dudes to bite so that, you know, like, and then they'll get dudes say some ridiculous shit.

[1321] And then at the end, they're like, I'm a dude, you faggots, ah, no one's coming to your house and suck your neck, T, you know, I mean, there's a lot of that.

[1322] And Doug Stanhope did a whole bunch of trolling against, with pedophiles.

[1323] He would do a, there was a thing called baiting .org.

[1324] I don't know if it's still around.

[1325] I think Doug wrote a book about it.

[1326] I think he's got a book, doesn't he?

[1327] I think they were doing a book or he has a book.

[1328] I'm not sure.

[1329] But I know there's a lot of his blogs that are still available.

[1330] You can find him online.

[1331] If you just go to Doug Stanhope .com, I'm sure everything is there.

[1332] But he had this whole thing where he would pretend to be little kids, and he would troll pedophiles.

[1333] And then he would post it all online.

[1334] So what were they trolling about Caney Lasquez?

[1335] Oh.

[1336] You said that somebody was trolling something.

[1337] Oh, about Brock Lesner.

[1338] What they were saying was that no one was allowed to punch him in the face.

[1339] I'm telling you, dog, that dude has never been lit up all his life.

[1340] He's always been the fucking biggest guy in the room.

[1341] What about this?

[1342] So nobody's ever said to him, come on, cocksucker, let's get it on.

[1343] Do you think it's possible that all the pro wrestling that he did and, you know, playing football for a little bit that he did too?

[1344] Do you think maybe he suffered a bunch of concussions?

[1345] No, bro.

[1346] You don't think so?

[1347] Some people have never been hit because they've always intimidated people.

[1348] This motherfucker took it to him.

[1349] I really don't think he's coming back.

[1350] I think his ego got busted up like your boy against Trinidad against Bernard Hopkins.

[1351] I don't think so He's too egotisco There's ego There's ego and there's confidence Well you know He came from Alaska He was fucking confident I don't know about that Because he came back Better and stronger After Frank Meer tapped him But that was a leg lock That wasn't a punch To the fucking face Bro It's true Big fucking difference When you get punched To the fucking face Twice and when they cut you And you gotta see that Every time you shave Yeah You see that Every time you shave That Mexican fucking open me up I don't think he's gonna beat that guy I don't think he's gonna beat that guy I think the gap is too big What I think about When I when I see that guy what I see when I see the two of them the way they performed when they were fighting each other I saw one guy who's like this unbelievably strong powerful fast guy but he didn't know exactly what to do with his body he didn't know exactly how to handle situations he did know to do the right thing and the other dude who maybe not as strong as him but pretty fucking strong and has real good technique everything he does perfect everything he does is smart all his footwork is smart he can go at that same pace and keep going he's not exploding a shitload of energy that he can't recover from.

[1352] He's like, he paced himself better.

[1353] He handled it more professionally.

[1354] It's like one guy's a black belt.

[1355] I'm looking at a black belt in MMA.

[1356] And Kane Velasquez, like a master.

[1357] And in Brock, I'm looking at this super powerful purple belt.

[1358] You know, this just ridiculously powerful guy who could get away with a lot of shit if you don't have perfect technique.

[1359] You really won't be able to stop him.

[1360] But a guy like Kane has perfect technique.

[1361] That's the difference.

[1362] I think that the next guy they're going to put him up against, which is what's online is Frank Mears.

[1363] No, no, no. Oh, Brock.

[1364] I thought you were saying Kane.

[1365] I'll tell you what, I think Frank Mee will take it to him now because now Frank Mier will know what to attack.

[1366] Straight at him, throw a bunch of fucking punches and punch him in a face, fuck.

[1367] And listen, when I was a kid I grew up in North Bergen, we played all the fuck, and I hate to say this, we played all the black schools.

[1368] With group four, you play Passaic, you play Patterson Eastside.

[1369] These are fucking schools, Jack.

[1370] You don't go in there and just talk.

[1371] How are you about Chad?

[1372] There ain't no chat at these fucking schools.

[1373] And the coaches would tell us, bro, the first player of the game, fire out, like your fucking assholes on fire.

[1374] and then you establish that and you'll see that they back off a little bit and that's what I think is going to happen to Brock everybody's seen that if you're a great fighter you've seen that carwin had him in a way dog Carlton needed two fucking seconds and had him Carlwin had him and uh question I think that he's never been hit I think he's never been fucking lit up well he is sparring with people though there's really I don't think he's too big he's Brockless you think they just take it easy on him I got my nose broke in the sixth grade it still hurts it's still fucking It hurts, all right?

[1375] It still hurts.

[1376] My nose, and I didn't know for years because I was doing coke.

[1377] For years, I thought I was doing coke because I had pain in my heart or I was, I had doing coke from the fucking pain in my nose.

[1378] I had my nose busted three times.

[1379] You weren't doing coke for the pain your nose.

[1380] One time with a fucking thing.

[1381] You're like coke.

[1382] That's right.

[1383] One time with a fucking police thing over here.

[1384] Let me tell you.

[1385] That's the newest.

[1386] The last two years.

[1387] The last two years, my fucking nose has been hurt.

[1388] Really?

[1389] What is that pain from?

[1390] It's from fucking getting your nose broken.

[1391] I knew in the sixth grade I was never going to be a fucking fighter.

[1392] It's totally unrelated to all that coke.

[1393] I know there's a joke, you fuck.

[1394] It's a joke, you fucking Momo.

[1395] What I'm saying is, though, that it's so weird that the last two years my nose has really been fucking hurt.

[1396] And I never hit it by mistake of nothing lately.

[1397] But I remembered when I broke it, the pain I had, that when you fucking break it, let me tell you something, he got a cut in his eye, he had a bloody nose.

[1398] The worst thing about having your nose broken is if you have your nose broken, seven out of ten times, they busted your upper lip too.

[1399] So you got snotty blood you're tasting and salty blood fucking from your mind.

[1400] mouth.

[1401] You remember that taste for the rest of your fucking life?

[1402] I don't give a fuck who you are.

[1403] And that's not a fucking good taste.

[1404] That taste always equivalizes to something that ain't good, man. My nose has been fucking broken, Jack.

[1405] And I'll tell you what, it hurts.

[1406] And he got fucking beat up to you on that.

[1407] He got beat up, dog.

[1408] That last punch, when he got that on the floor.

[1409] I've watched that end ten times already.

[1410] He got that on the fucking floor.

[1411] He got hit.

[1412] I don't think he's coming back like that.

[1413] I think that fuck with him.

[1414] He's a big Viking ego fucking shit.

[1415] Somebody took it to you, motherfucker.

[1416] It's a different game now.

[1417] You get humble, and he may come back strong, but he's going to let people punch him in the fucking phase now.

[1418] Watch that car and fight when it's on next time.

[1419] Watch it again on your computer, and you'll see what I'm talking about that.

[1420] Nobody mentioned it.

[1421] Nobody mentioned it at all.

[1422] He got hit one time.

[1423] People did mention it.

[1424] A lot of people thought the way he coward was.

[1425] And he fucking, he went, e!

[1426] That means he's never been hit before.

[1427] That means, Jack.

[1428] Hmm.

[1429] I don't know about that, man. I think, you know, it's kind of, it's an interesting thing because he was such a huge draw, you know, and still is such a huge draw because of pro wrestling and everything like that, that he was, like, rushed right into the big leagues right away.

[1430] Like, if really, if you wanted to be smart with a guy like that and you wanted to really build him up correctly, you know, you wouldn't just do that with them.

[1431] You would slowly work them in and then have him fight for the title once the demand was through the fucking roof.

[1432] But they just, they had that perfect fight with him and Randy Couture.

[1433] It was such a perfect promotional fight.

[1434] You know, one of the greatest ever fucking Hall of Famer fighting this new, big, young, crazy dude, and holy shit, can he beat him?

[1435] But really, Randy was, you know, I mean, he was the heavyweight champion, but, you know, he was 45, I think, at the time.

[1436] And it's like, you know, so it's past his prime to be fighting a guy that's this big and this athletic, and this crazy.

[1437] So all of a sudden, Brock beats him, and now Brock is just at the top of the heap with all these ferocious lions who have been doing MMA for 10 years nipping at his heels.

[1438] That's a big goddamn gap there You know, there's a few guys there That have a big ass gap You know, and Cain's one of them His full MMA game is at a way higher level The time that he's put in The way he picks things up He's just, everything he does is perfect He's a baby, 806 or something like that He's a fucking baby He's a baby So all you heavyweight motherfuckers You better start dropping down to 205 and shit It's gonna be scary for a while Good luck with all that just want to tell people that when I don't make a joy karate video sometimes it's like sometimes Eddie's out of town but the other times is that I'm fucking stumped and I don't want to give you bad info I was going to go with Brock I would have gone with Brock I would have gone with Martin Campman and I would and Matt Hamill was the lock in a year let me tell you something anytime Tito fights when you bet again and I love Tito a debt I was one of his biggest fucking fans but every time he fights now just bet against him dog that's his easy fucking lock right there and I hate to say this but it's true If I had $10 ,000, I would have bet it on fucking Matt Hamel.

[1439] That's a no -brainer anymore.

[1440] And Sam Stout, you can always bet Sam Stout.

[1441] I'm not going to sit there and be Houdini.

[1442] That was a great fight, yeah.

[1443] Stam Stout is always fucking good.

[1444] There's a casino that always got a line on Sam Stout.

[1445] Those motherfuckers always come down.

[1446] Those guys play to win, Sam Starr.

[1447] He just don't hit too fucking hard.

[1448] He hits hard as fuck.

[1449] Sam Starr hits very hard.

[1450] He's just fighting really good guys.

[1451] You know, I mean, that dude, he fought Paul Taylor.

[1452] That guy's a motherfucker.

[1453] He's a motherfucker.

[1454] He's a motherfucker.

[1455] That was a great fight, man. Can the kids hear me yelling and screaming?

[1456] Yeah, they can hear you.

[1457] That's all right.

[1458] It's all right.

[1459] I'm sure they've been swept down.

[1460] They know it's their Uncle Joey.

[1461] That's fucking crazy.

[1462] That's Uncle Joe.

[1463] That Campman Shields fight, man. Campman could have won that fight.

[1464] A lot of people thought that I was hyping up Shields and that I wasn't talking enough about Campman.

[1465] I think, you know, I'm a big Camman fan.

[1466] That's bullshit.

[1467] You and I were talking about camping at dinner.

[1468] Friday night.

[1469] I said to you, he ain't no joke.

[1470] He's from 10th, Tennessee.

[1471] Because I see him with Mike Pyle.

[1472] He talks different.

[1473] I like, bro, I love Mike.

[1474] He's from Denmark, bro.

[1475] I know.

[1476] I don't know these things, you know.

[1477] He's a bad motherfucker.

[1478] He fought the wrong fight in that fight, but he could have won that fight, man. He could have won it, but Jake Shields was exhausted, man. He had cut 20 pounds in a day to get down to 170, because, you know, he had been fighting at 185 and strike force, and he put out some muscle.

[1479] I didn't realize if he said that during that, bro.

[1480] Put on some muscle, man. He had a real hard time making that 170, a real hard time.

[1481] He was dead in the water, and Campman just didn't quite, I was, you know, I was really thinking the camera was going to pull that off.

[1482] I didn't want to say it.

[1483] I didn't want to say before the fight, but when I saw what shape Jake was in the weigh -ins, right before he weighed on, I was like, this guy looks like he has AIDS.

[1484] Like, he looks like he's dehydrated.

[1485] He looks like he's dead.

[1486] He looked terrible, bro.

[1487] I was shocked.

[1488] Like, he looked so terrible that I saw him.

[1489] I shook his hand.

[1490] I was like, whoa.

[1491] Like, there's some guys that look.

[1492] The worst I ever saw was Travis Luter.

[1493] When Travis Luter was going to fight Anderson So, like, listen, man. He weighed in twice.

[1494] I was there for the first wait in.

[1495] He looked terrible.

[1496] He had dry chapped lips.

[1497] He was gaunt.

[1498] He was sucked in.

[1499] And then he didn't make wait.

[1500] And so he had another hour, I think, or two hours to make wait.

[1501] Well, he tried to make wait another 45 minutes.

[1502] And then he shuffled over to the scale.

[1503] He couldn't walk, bro.

[1504] He couldn't walk.

[1505] Like, Jake had to walk upstairs to get the way the stairs was.

[1506] And you could see him.

[1507] Like, as he was walking upstairs, it was like, it was awkward.

[1508] It was awkward watching him walk.

[1509] That's how exhausted he was.

[1510] And then he got on the scale nothing like like what's his face like uh Travis Luter Travis Luter looked like he was dead he looked like a zombie bro he looked like a dead man that was walking he was looked like a guy who had been poisoned and 24 hours after that he was supposed to be fighting the baddest motherfucker on the planet in Anderson Silva in 24 hours and he walks over and he still can't make weight he's still like a pound and a half off there's no way he can lose it he's just fucked he just calculated it wrong or you know he didn't lose enough fat or he didn't stick to his diet He should have gotten the weight watches.

[1511] Tell him, Brian.

[1512] You should have counted those fucking points.

[1513] These guys, they're got it down to science.

[1514] They're cutting so much fucking weight.

[1515] They're cutting 20 pounds.

[1516] A lot of them are cutting 20 pounds.

[1517] And they do it slowly.

[1518] One of the, Donghi Yang, a Korean dude who fought on the card, he lost to Chris Comosey very, very close and controversial decision.

[1519] A lot of people thought that he should have won.

[1520] But he was at Legends on Monday, cut and weight.

[1521] On Monday.

[1522] On Monday.

[1523] And the fight, the weighing's not until Friday, but he was at Legends Cut and Weight already on Monday.

[1524] So that motherfucker's losing, like, probably, he's probably losing 20 pounds and he's doing it over a course of wait five days.

[1525] Because he looked huge when he got into the cage.

[1526] It's a giant muscle -bound dude.

[1527] You know, it's just these guys have it down to a science, how to dehydrate yourself and then come back.

[1528] So that was, if Campman had a time, that was his time, man. He could have won that fight, especially if he pushed away and just started firing on him in the third round.

[1529] Campman's a badass striker.

[1530] His fucking striking is clean, man. If you look at that Paul Tiago fight, that's a beautiful representation of his skills because Paul Tiago is like this really rough and tumble, bad motherfucker, and he's got dynamite in his hands, knocked out Josh Koshchek, and Martin Kampman just picks him apart, dude, picks him apart, standing, using his jab and leg kicks and just angles, like everything.

[1531] I mean, Paul just got, like, outclass in the feet.

[1532] He's swinging these wild, I mean, if they hit you, you're fucked.

[1533] He's swinging some sledgehammers, but he ain't even getting close to hitting Kampman.

[1534] And I was like, man, Campman's skills are so much better than Jake Shields as a kickboxer.

[1535] I just don't know why he was trying to engage him in grappling.

[1536] You know, he came close a couple times.

[1537] Like I was like, maybe he's going to prove me wrong.

[1538] It looks like he locked up a couple of chokes almost.

[1539] He almost got it.

[1540] But that motherfucker is so hard to tap.

[1541] Jake Shields is so hard to tap.

[1542] Mayhem almost got him.

[1543] Mayhem had his back.

[1544] Yes.

[1545] And had it fully locked in.

[1546] Mayhem almost got him.

[1547] But Mayhem's big as fuck.

[1548] you know mayhem is a big one eighty -fiver and he's strong and his jiu -jitsu's very very underrated you know i've had two guys that i rolled with just ran right through me mayhem and jake shields both of them both those guys were i felt like was helpless there's nothing i could do with them they're just too too goddamn strong jake shields is a badass wrestler he's just his grappling and his jiu -jitsu is just his technique is awesome and he's strong as shit he knows what the fuck he's doing and i'm like camp and has a disadvantage there i wonder why he's like engaging this dude.

[1549] And if Jake wasn't like really beat down, I mean, the fact that Jake was beat down like that, and he was still able to get take downs and still able to reverse position and mount them and get in some dominant spots on him, shows you how badass is grappling is.

[1550] But Campman's kickboxing is like, if Jake Shields is like a purple belt, campman's a fucking straight black belt in stand -up.

[1551] His stand -up is crisp, man. He does everything good, everything perfect.

[1552] The way he moves, his footwork.

[1553] There's a big gap between him and Jake Shields.

[1554] Jake Shields is like, plod, punch, punch, kick.

[1555] His His body kicks pretty good on his left side.

[1556] He throws good body kicks.

[1557] He'll throw some good leg kicks, too.

[1558] But really, he's just trying to get the clinch and take your ass down.

[1559] And if he's too tired to do that, like in that round, with the third round with Campman and Shields, I thought Camden was going to move away.

[1560] I thought, why would he grapple with him in this round?

[1561] This is the round where he could jack him.

[1562] Camman's one of those dudes, though, that he's just, like, just outside the very, very best.

[1563] But you could see him, like, launch into the very best, like, with any one big performance.

[1564] You know what I'm saying?

[1565] Like he's one of those guys like Carlos Condit.

[1566] Like Carlos Condit just leaped into one of the very best when he knocked out Dan Hardy.

[1567] When he knocked out Dan Hardy, it was like, okay, this motherfucker, you know, like everyone knew he was a badass.

[1568] Everyone knew he had that real close fight with Kampman, which was a fucking incredible war.

[1569] And then the real close fight with Jake Ellenberger, another fucking animal.

[1570] Ellenberger is a beast.

[1571] So you knew that Carlos Conn it was a bad motherfucker.

[1572] But when he knocked out Dan Hardy, he was like, okay, this dude is not only is he a bad motherfucker but he's like getting better all the time he's like hitting new levels he's trained with john jones like every day he's a bad motherfucker fuck yeah yeah yeah tape i didn't make because you know i would have done it with eddie and i yeah you can't tell the truth i couldn't have told the truth i couldn't have said that i like listen i love dan hard i think i did too talented his shit but carlos conduit i think showed me some and was it jake alemberg and he was getting beat up for the first two rounds yes and then jacson said shit to him uh -huh he went and then hit him with a fucking anderson silver type elbow from the side.

[1573] I was like, that kid's got balls.

[1574] He's got mad balls.

[1575] He's got mad balls, Carlos Condo.

[1576] I would hate to mix in an alley with that motherfucker because he might turn the lights out on you permanently.

[1577] He's a type of guy that might turn him out on you permanently.

[1578] He's a bad motherfucker.

[1579] Something about him scares the shit out.

[1580] He's getting better.

[1581] Yes, he is.

[1582] He's getting better.

[1583] Well, he's down into one of the best camps in the fucking world.

[1584] Yeah.

[1585] Those guys don't fuck around, man. And that Trevor Whitman, man, that guy is a very good striking coach.

[1586] He's a sweet guy.

[1587] Yeah.

[1588] I want to give him a shout out.

[1589] He's a fucking guy, Trevor Whitman.

[1590] He's a bad motherfucker.

[1591] I know he works with him.

[1592] And then also, fuck, what is his name?

[1593] Spencer Pratt.

[1594] No, shut up, man. The fuck up.

[1595] What the fuck are you talking about?

[1596] Sorry, princess.

[1597] I feel like an asshole for not remembering the guy's name.

[1598] Which one?

[1599] The guy who's the main guy at Jackson's.

[1600] That's the main striking trainer because he's a great guy.

[1601] Trevor Whitman's the guy who's at Grudge.

[1602] Grudge is in Denver, correct?

[1603] Yeah.

[1604] Right.

[1605] I'm going to have to Google this real quick because I've got to give that guy's props because he's doing an awesome.

[1606] job too.

[1607] I want to give a prop to my man, Holly Buz, whatever your name is from Australia on Twitter, always sending me love and shit looking out for all of us here, Red Band and Joe and who's that?

[1608] Oh, that's, I didn't know what Joe is looking at that.

[1609] I thought somebody else.

[1610] Red Band, what's the matter of you?

[1611] You look all fucking asleep here.

[1612] What's going on?

[1613] No, I'm just listening.

[1614] You know, I thought Jake Shields lost that.

[1615] I thought, Jake Shields lost it, too.

[1616] I thought for sure he lost that.

[1617] I was pulling for Campman with everything I had, and I love Jake Shields, but...

[1618] Me too.

[1619] Campman's just this guy that he's right there, you know.

[1620] Do you remember hanging out with Mike Wiggle John?

[1621] Thank you.

[1622] Sorry, Mike.

[1623] I'm a doucheback.

[1624] I smoke too much weed.

[1625] I forgot his name, but he's a great striking coach.

[1626] He's, you know, what I was really impressed with with Carlos Condit in that fight with Dan Hardy was the technique that he threw that left hook with.

[1627] If you look at the both guys throw the punch at the exact same time, really, but Carlos was was perfect.

[1628] Carlos's was, instead of coming wide, he came, he came like with a perfect angle to the punch and it was perfect accuracy.

[1629] and his other hand was up, you know, he did it with perfect technique, and he nailed him.

[1630] He caught him in the exchange, and that's like a perfect lesson for people to learn.

[1631] I keep saying perfect.

[1632] But that's one of the most important things is to concentrate on technique.

[1633] Yeah, you can knock guys out with crazy, wild, loopy shit.

[1634] You can.

[1635] You can knock guys out with haymakers where your fucking chin is down and your hands are up.

[1636] If you connect, you can knock them out.

[1637] But that's not the best way to do it.

[1638] The best way to do it is to use the proper technique, because if you do that, you have more of a chance of knocking them out.

[1639] If you have big power and you're fast, you can get away with some goofy shit.

[1640] Like Roy Jones did when he was in his prime.

[1641] But look what happened to Roy Jones once he started to slow down.

[1642] When he didn't have that crazy athleticism, all of a sudden he couldn't pull off what he could, but Bernard Hopkins still can.

[1643] Bernard Hopkins has perfect technique.

[1644] If Bernard Hopkins had the athleticism of Roy Jones Jr., I mean, maybe that's why Bernard Hopkins is Bernard Hopkins.

[1645] It's like maybe, you know, like jujitsu guys.

[1646] They always say the best jujitsu guys are the guys that aren't physically strong because they can't pull off anything else unless they have perfect technique, you know, because it's all leverage and techniques.

[1647] I'm sorry.

[1648] Are not strong.

[1649] Really?

[1650] Yeah, the most technical guys are the guys that aren't physically strong.

[1651] The most technical guys, if you want to learn Jiu -Jitsu, you always want to learn from a small guy.

[1652] Because big guys have like Camoras and guillotines.

[1653] They do a lot of, like, power jiu -jitsu.

[1654] They do a lot of things that you can only get away with if you're really strong.

[1655] Whereas a small guy has no options other than use perfect leverage and perfect technique.

[1656] Yeah.

[1657] So you should learn, you're better off.

[1658] You're a bad motherfucker.

[1659] You know that?

[1660] When are you going to open up your little kung fu fucking school, cock sucker?

[1661] I don't want to teach anybody, man. I don't like teaching.

[1662] You know, it's funny because...

[1663] I teach my daughter.

[1664] Do you really?

[1665] Sure.

[1666] I know you were doing kickbox a little years ago.

[1667] I teach, you know, I've taught friends and shit.

[1668] But it's, you know, the thing about, you know, if you want to like be a coach, like a Winklejohn or like a Trevor Whitman, that's your life, dude.

[1669] You're dedicating yourself to these guys and to their progress.

[1670] And it's a very fascinating thing, but you've got to be willing to dedicate 100%.

[1671] That's the reason why I quit teaching Taekwondo is because I started doing stand -up comedy.

[1672] And I realized that I was not going to be giving this 100 % of my time anymore.

[1673] And I had a bunch of guys that I was leading in tournaments.

[1674] And even though I had stopped fighting Taekwendo tournaments and I was doing kickboxing, I was still teaching out of Taekwendo school, and I was still leading people in tournaments.

[1675] And so I'd have these kids that I'd coached and I'd bring them to like these beginner tournaments.

[1676] And I was dedicating a lot of time to it.

[1677] And I had a lot of people that had like 10 guys that were like really competitive and a girl who was really competitive.

[1678] And she was really good.

[1679] And I spent a lot of time with them, like many, many hours every week.

[1680] You know, like at least three nights, four nights a week, at least two hours a night, just dedicated to training with these kids and working with them.

[1681] And I knew that once I started doing comedy and I needed my, I couldn't be there at nighttime because I had to go to do a gig in Connecticut or I couldn't be there.

[1682] And I'd have somebody else teaching it for me. I'm like, they're not going to do it the way I do it.

[1683] And this is not going to be the same thing and this is not, it's not fair.

[1684] And I don't want to half ass it and I don't want to feel shitty about that.

[1685] The one thing that made me feel good about my life ever was martial arts.

[1686] So I was like, I can't not do this.

[1687] I can't fuck this up because I have to quit.

[1688] I can't like do a shit job at this.

[1689] I can't do a shit job at teaching because to me it was like one of the defining moments in my life that I wasn't a loser.

[1690] Like when I was teaching Taekwondo at Boston University, I was like I'm teaching at a like a university.

[1691] Like I'm like an expert at something and I'm teaching people that want to learn this.

[1692] It's like one of the first times in my life I felt like I was worth something, you know?

[1693] So there's no way I could fuck this up.

[1694] So I just quit.

[1695] I just quit teaching.

[1696] And that's how I feel like right now.

[1697] Like you know, I get interested in strategy, and I get interested when I see guys fight what I think is a very unintelligent fight, and they don't have the proper coaching, they don't have someone who's like really mapped out a game plan.

[1698] A lot of these dudes are really good, and because they're really good, they know what they can do, and they know what they want to do, and they sort of like plot out their own plan in a fight, which is all well and good, but sometimes you need someone who's also really good, also has a really good knowledge of this, and is outside of it Jackson who's looking in.

[1699] One of the reasons why, you know, like Dave Camarillo and Bob Cook, they're outside, they see the whole thing, and they're very intelligent and they're very immersed in the game.

[1700] Like Bob Cook and Dave Camarillo, they break down fighters, they spend time, they go over tapes, they analyze shit, and when it comes down to a fight, they've got a very intelligent strategy.

[1701] And if you listen to that strategy and you follow that game plan, you have a very good chance of winning.

[1702] You know, there's going to be variations.

[1703] Shit's going to happen.

[1704] You're going to have to make adjustments, but of course you do.

[1705] that's part of the game you know there's going to be shit happens okay you can't take him down listen you got to kick that motherfucker's legs okay if you can't kick him down he wants to stand up with you he's open for that inside light kick and then you have to have an you know here's plan B okay now we're here okay you think you broke your foot okay stop throwing kicks this is what you're gonna do you're gonna you're gonna bait him you're gonna get him into exchange and fire off the left hook he's open for left hook you know what I'm saying like they have this all thought out they have it thought out yeah everything yeah everything I mean it's amazing how there's so much more into this than what you would think.

[1706] You think you're fucking Rocky.

[1707] He's going to drink three eggs and run and go hit the bag.

[1708] You know, you have jiu -jitsu, you have your strength and conditioning.

[1709] It's amazing how...

[1710] You know what I noticed, and I don't know if you notice, I'm going to start doing a column for pro -MMA.

[1711] Oh, yeah?

[1712] Yeah, once a week or once a month.

[1713] Right?

[1714] Just writing something.

[1715] And it's weird, he goes, what's your first column going to be about?

[1716] And I noticed that the last two years, every time I've gone to an MMA event with you, somebody else in the UFC division is losing a way to trying to get healthy.

[1717] And this last time I went to Austin, you got Bert, like Bert lost 50, 60 pounds.

[1718] Right.

[1719] Our friend's mom lost a bunch of weight.

[1720] She looks great now.

[1721] And I've seen another guy, and then we have our buddy Deepa Squally who we've both been beaten up.

[1722] He's beat because of the sleep apnea.

[1723] It's so weird how MMA affects some people.

[1724] Like, I was sick and tired of going to those fights a really fat fuck when you see all those people in shape.

[1725] And when I went to this last UFC, I even seen that they put two different tables, tables out like they put tables with cookies and cakes then they had tables with like healthy snacks and it's so weird like these people when you're around this this is what m ms is done for me i'm not a fighter and i don't want to do jiu jitzu or nothing but being around those guys you're like fuck i got to be healthy whenever i watch those ufc uh you know 24 -7s whatever they are like yeah i think it definitely inspires people it inspires people every time i go to a ufc event somebody else is on a diet or somebody else is getting healthy or somebody else is eating healthy and And that's what I've seen from M .M .A. And it started with me, that ultimate fight of the year Tate was on it, the kid that lost 100 -something pounds from doing Jiu -Jitsu.

[1726] He's not in the UFC no more.

[1727] But he talked about it.

[1728] He goes, you know, even if I just final in this, at least people lose weight and try this.

[1729] I forget what his name was.

[1730] He had like a Mohawk and a kid, and he really pushed love for the kid.

[1731] He made it to him.

[1732] Oh, Todd Hayes.

[1733] Yeah, he lost like 130 pounds or something.

[1734] He's a bad motherfucker.

[1735] No, no, no, no, no, no, not Todd Hayes.

[1736] No, no, no. isn't it Josh shit Josh Hayes I was gonna talk to you about Josh Bring the Pain Haynes what the fuck is his name?

[1737] He had a kid and he had a mohawk with like blonde hair on it and he really loved his wife he seemed like a really sincere guy Yeah he lost a shitload of weight A shitload of weight and it's amazingly Every time I go to the UFC event now Somebody else is on the diet Something's drinking water Josh Haynes Josh Bring the Pain Haynes Sorry Josh It's amazing how it's rubbed off on some people Yeah he was on the same season as tape Yeah on the tape that's on there with tape That's why it was weird.

[1738] Every time I go, I see somebody and it's just inspiring to me, you know, I don't know.

[1739] Yeah, man, I think that's one of the things that I would be interested in doing outside of doing comedy, outside of, like, of all the stuff that I get fascinated by, pool, and all.

[1740] That is one thing that I would get interested in doing, opening up a gym, training fighters.

[1741] But, and, you know, just being like sort of a Greg Jackson type of guy, having ideas and strategies and helping, you know, people through.

[1742] But that would have to be something that I'm 100 % dedicated.

[1743] You can't fuck around with that and half -ass that, man. That's not something to half -ass.

[1744] You know, you're taking people who have a limited window in the sport.

[1745] You know, a fighter can fight from the time they're 18 until they're, you know, most guys, 38, 48, 48 if you're Randy, 38 if you're a normal human.

[1746] You know, so it's it.

[1747] You got 20 years.

[1748] And during that time, if you're really into a bunch of wars, cut that time down substantially.

[1749] Anytime you have a big war, anytime you have a crazy, if that's your style, you know, you're, you.

[1750] You want a Vandale Silva like Vandale used to do in the early days?

[1751] No matter what, it's going to shorten your career a bit.

[1752] You're not going to be 48 years old fighting like that.

[1753] That's a different kind of style.

[1754] Well, I remember one thing that you've always talked about that is very, you see it.

[1755] You shut this fridge off.

[1756] This shit's loud.

[1757] It's the gyms that have the gym wars, the camps where they have gym wars.

[1758] You could see those guys that, yeah, they're a little seasoned and stuff, but they've been hitting the head a couple more times than regular guys.

[1759] And you can really, those gym wars are the ones who really kill you.

[1760] Yeah, you have to have guys that you're training with that you trust, and you have to be careful not to hurt each other.

[1761] You know, guys hurt each other sometimes, you know, it's by accident or just because they're training hard.

[1762] I mean, that's just a part of the game.

[1763] But you've got to be careful with just gyms where they just basically fight every week.

[1764] Like every week you're fighting.

[1765] Every week, two, three times a week.

[1766] You guys are blasting each other.

[1767] You know, you're fighting.

[1768] You basically get in.

[1769] And one good thing about it is you get used to fighting.

[1770] You get used to getting you tagged.

[1771] You get used to being in there in the pocket.

[1772] You're going to be a tough motherfucker to get in the cage with because this shit is going down in your life every day.

[1773] You're used to it.

[1774] You're used to full blast blows.

[1775] But on the other side, you know, you can only do that for so long.

[1776] If you do that and take big, big shots all the time on a regular basis, your career gets shortened substantially.

[1777] Your brain is only set up, you know, to take a certain amount of abuse before there's just way too much damage.

[1778] And all the stuff they're finding out now about football players, you know, when they're examining their brains.

[1779] I watched that special.

[1780] I told you about the Lou Gehling.

[1781] Oh, yeah.

[1782] It was very amazing.

[1783] Yeah, Eddie told me about that, too.

[1784] It was very intricate, that special.

[1785] Fucking scary shit, man. I watched the other one where it was that football player, I believe he played for Harvard in college, and then after college he became a pro wrestler, and he suffered a gang of concussions.

[1786] And this is one of the reasons why I brought up the Brock Lesnar situation, because those guys suffer a lot of concussions, a lot.

[1787] They take a lot of hard shots.

[1788] There's a video of Brock Lesnar where Brock Lesnar is on top of the third.

[1789] I don't know who he was wrestling against, but he was on top of the third rope and he jumps up through the air and does like a fucking flip, but miscalculates and lands on his head.

[1790] Dude, he's 300 pounds, okay, and he throws himself through the air, flips and lands on his head.

[1791] He should be dead.

[1792] He should be dead.

[1793] You got to see the video.

[1794] Here's the video.

[1795] If you watch the video, any normal person would be dead.

[1796] Watch this shit.

[1797] Watch this shit.

[1798] We're watching on YouTube.

[1799] Watch this.

[1800] Dude!

[1801] He landed on his head.

[1802] He landed on his fucking head.

[1803] He completely miscalculated the jump, completely, and he landed on his cat, and still finish the pin.

[1804] I'll retweet the link on my Twitter.

[1805] His brains, you want to talk scrambled eggs?

[1806] His brains should be a small half cup of oatmeal in the bottom of an empty bowl.

[1807] they should be dead and should have crushed his whole brain I mean for me if that was me or you and we did that we'd be dead but that guy's fine that's why I said like if that happened during this one that we saw how many times did he accidentally bang his head other times I mean these guys are gigantic dudes and they're throwing each other I mean people don't realize the abuse that people's bodies take on pro wrestling the reason why a lot of those guys get hooked on painkillers pro wrestling is one of the most difficult things to do in all of show business even in all of sports, even though it's not really a sport, I mean, per se, I mean, there's pre -determined outcomes.

[1808] It still requires an incredible amount of athleticism, an incredible amount of work.

[1809] These guys are on the road like every night.

[1810] They're on the road several nights a week performing shows, throwing each other through the air.

[1811] They have to come up with new, more spectacular moves to satisfy people.

[1812] That's why they're jumping off ropes.

[1813] They're jumping off the top of the fucking cage, and they're flipping and doing this, and you grab my ankles, and I'm going to throw you through the air, and then you land on your back and then I jump through my air and I flip it and I land on you they fucking bonk heads and shit all the time these guys are getting knocked the fuck out and practice what do you do well put some ice on it and see tomorrow and tomorrow you better get your fucking moves down if you want to keep your wwee contract didn't he also play football too yeah yeah he played um I think he tried out for the Vikings listen to his numbers because this is where it gets really crazy okay I mean yeah Brock is not like the best MMA fighter he does not have the best striking technique he does not have the best jujitsu but when you talk about just a freak athlete his 40 yard sprint 4 .6 seconds 225 pound bench press he can do 43 reps his vertical jump 35 inches his broad jump 10 fucking feet 10 feet do you imagine a this is at 300 pounds 310 pounds you imagine a fucking guy 300 10 pounds throwing himself 10 feet through the air.

[1814] And he still can stop that punch.

[1815] Still couldn't stop games.

[1816] So what the fuck?

[1817] What are we talking about here?

[1818] Well, it's just a freak out of down and shit.

[1819] No, no, no. Listen, man. The ability to move your body.

[1820] I mean, that's the ability to move your body.

[1821] You keep saying that in the broadcast about how good he moves.

[1822] All those fucking football players move like that.

[1823] Yeah.

[1824] When you see an offensive line men, when you see an offensive linemen, they're six six, two -90.

[1825] And they sweep.

[1826] And these motherfuckers, they were all like that.

[1827] Could you imagine if a Michael Vick wanted to get into MMA?

[1828] Amazing.

[1829] How bad he would fuck people up?

[1830] Amazing.

[1831] Oh, if a guy like that, that level of athlete dedicated him.

[1832] I mean, there are guys like that.

[1833] There's a few.

[1834] Yeah.

[1835] You know, there's a few that are in there now.

[1836] But those super athletes, like a Michael Jordan, you know, from Michael Jordan decided from the time he was a small child.

[1837] Well, he had to bet on himself to beat you.

[1838] He'd have to bet on himself to beat you.

[1839] He probably would.

[1840] He would fight.

[1841] Listen.

[1842] Because his wife could bet for him.

[1843] He could go to Vegas.

[1844] And if he was fighting, and he's like, put everything on me. He had a thousand people betting for him.

[1845] That motherfucker would, he would beat Ladell if he bet on himself.

[1846] I bet he was.

[1847] He didn't let out with a chair.

[1848] Dude, he was such an athlete.

[1849] Do you remember how he would, when he was the first guy that would literally fly through the fucking air slamming in dunks where you would see it on the highlight reels on like ESPN, you would see it on the news and people would just be standing there shaking their head going, how the fuck can he do that?

[1850] He was flying with his tongue out, flying through the air, smashing that ball through there.

[1851] I mean, I didn't even follow basketball and all I. saw was that dude doing these superhuman feats of athleticism.

[1852] If that guy decided, can you imagine that flying knee Jordan can hit you with?

[1853] Jesus Christ.

[1854] Could you imagine the flying double knee like a fucking Jose Aldo style that Michael Jordan could hit you with?

[1855] If Michael Jordan dedicated his time to that instead of basketball.

[1856] God damn, he'd be a bad motherfucker.

[1857] Those guys are coming, man. Those guys are coming.

[1858] That's the next wave of MMA.

[1859] The next wave of MMA is those super athletes.

[1860] Davis.

[1861] I mean, John Jones.

[1862] Even Lesner.

[1863] Even Lesner.

[1864] Look, he doesn't know the game yet.

[1865] He's relatively inexperienced.

[1866] He's only had six fights, seven fights.

[1867] You know, that's not that many, man. That's not enough to be fighting.

[1868] What is he got?

[1869] He fought the Korean gentleman in his UFC debut.

[1870] Then he fought Frank Mier and got leg blocked.

[1871] And then he fought Keith Herring and beat him on a decision.

[1872] Then he fought Randy, and he beat Randy and got the title.

[1873] And then he fought Frank Mier again.

[1874] five, and then he fought, is it just six?

[1875] Conwin, and then he fought...

[1876] Six, seven, and that's seven.

[1877] Eight.

[1878] Eight.

[1879] Really?

[1880] I counted seven.

[1881] Either way, it's relatively inexperienced and right away thrust into the deep end of the pool.

[1882] The guy as an NCAA national champion had some serious technique.

[1883] There's no way you become a champion wrestler if you're just strong.

[1884] Because those guys are just strong, too.

[1885] You have to have some serious technique.

[1886] So he's, he can learn.

[1887] He just has to be brought up correctly.

[1888] What he really really should have done with him it's hard with heavyweights though because there's not as many guys that are willing to fight a guy like that you know when you're coming up like who the fuck's going to fight him in the king of the cage what's he going to learn out of that you know what i mean he's got to be tested somehow so there's like a weird middle ground like you got to get him in bellator you know what i'm saying you got to get him to fight guys that are just a hair under strike force level just a hair well strike force in ufc right now they're pretty close with alistar alistar and You know, Verdume's capable of beating anybody if you gets him in the right position.

[1889] And Josh Barnett, he's a dangerous motherfucker.

[1890] There's some dangerous guys.

[1891] Antonio de Silva, you're not quite the same levels of UFC, but I think that like when a guy comes up that's got that much potential, like a Brock Lesnar, like, you know, it's like you got to make sure that you take the most advantage out of these physical gifts.

[1892] You know, you've got to bring them up the right way.

[1893] Or just throw them in like they did, man. But like they did, they made a ton of money.

[1894] I mean, everybody made a ton of money, but I just feel like...

[1895] But that money they're about to make now with the fucking Mexicans is off the chart, Jack.

[1896] They just opened up that UFC Latino with the pay -per -view.

[1897] This is per...

[1898] And they're already...

[1899] When they're fighting Super Bowl Sunday and New Year's?

[1900] They're putting fucking Dos Santos and this guy up quick, Jack.

[1901] Are they really?

[1902] Oh, yeah.

[1903] This is either going to be Christmas or fucking...

[1904] It'll either be New Year's or it'll be Super Bowl weekend.

[1905] Super Bowl for sure.

[1906] Dude, if it's Super Bowl weekend, that shit is going to be crazy.

[1907] Andeson, Vidor, it would be, yeah, just junior in here.

[1908] That shit is going to be crazy.

[1909] You have to put it in that car.

[1910] That's King Kong versus Godzilla.

[1911] Yeah, that's the car.

[1912] Dos Santos versus Kane Velasquez might be, I might have a fucking heart attack.

[1913] I might not be able to get through the broadcast.

[1914] I might just shit my pants before we even start.

[1915] I might just have uncontrollable diarrhea.

[1916] They're talking about it for Super Bowl.

[1917] They're not going to.

[1918] Fuck.

[1919] Why wait?

[1920] Let's put it up there.

[1921] Dos Santos is coming off a big fight, too.

[1922] That Roy Jones fight, or the Roy Nelson fight, rather, was a real.

[1923] good fight for him because he got a pushed and he had to work he had to work for three hard rounds because roy nelson is no joke man roy nelson is a powerful motherfucker and he can take it and dosanto's hit him with some bombs and he had to go three hard rounds with him it was like a real like grueling fight where you know roy nelson hit him with some shots too nelson nelson was always there always dangerous who's the new year's card dog it's good question against redhead against It's Gray Maynard.

[1924] And who else?

[1925] I don't know.

[1926] I don't know exactly what's set up yet.

[1927] I think it's all tentative right now.

[1928] I'm not sure.

[1929] Carwin heard his back for 25.

[1930] He did?

[1931] Yeah, he's out of his next fight.

[1932] Really?

[1933] Yeah.

[1934] When did this happen?

[1935] All those heavyweights, seen that fight and fell off their fucking chase.

[1936] When did this happened?

[1937] Yesterday.

[1938] They all did.

[1939] That's him.

[1940] Frank Mia fell off.

[1941] You sure Carwin pulled out?

[1942] Yeah.

[1943] I thought Carwin was fighting right now.

[1944] Oh, no way.

[1945] Carwin pulled out of $125.

[1946] Oh, that sucks.

[1947] He heard his back.

[1948] Who else?

[1949] Somebody else pulled out.

[1950] A couple pullouts.

[1951] Really?

[1952] Rwin pulls out of January Co -Maine.

[1953] I hate pulling.

[1954] Wow.

[1955] Having some back pain.

[1956] I had an MRI yesterday.

[1957] Some damage that may require surgery.

[1958] Oh, is that what is?

[1959] You're reading it?

[1960] Yeah, it says, I have some damage that may really require surgery.

[1961] Oh, no. Well, you know, he had some serious back problems wrestling.

[1962] You know, when he was wrestling, had some serious back problems.

[1963] And it's one of the reasons why he, I think, stopped playing football as well.

[1964] Because I think he played football for a bit.

[1965] Somebody else has hurt.

[1966] from one of the cards, 24.

[1967] Crocop interested in replacing Carwin versus Nelson.

[1968] Whoa.

[1969] Crocop wants to step in and fight Roy Nelson.

[1970] Roy Nelson might knock crocop the fuck out.

[1971] Right out, back to Croatia.

[1972] Isn't that crazy?

[1973] Isn't that crazy?

[1974] Isn't that crazy?

[1975] That you would say that?

[1976] That's crazy.

[1977] That's crazy talk.

[1978] He might, you know?

[1979] Or Crocop might just come back with a fucking flurry.

[1980] You never know when a guy's done.

[1981] Because if you look at Alastar Overim, a lot of people counted Alistar Overim out.

[1982] A lot of people said, man, this guy just keeps getting knocked out by people.

[1983] Sergei Karatanov knocked him out.

[1984] Chuck Liddell knocked him out.

[1985] I think Shogun stopped him once.

[1986] I mean, there was just like he got, he had all these fights where he was getting beat down.

[1987] And I think a lot of people said, you know what, this guy's just done.

[1988] And then he went up to heavyweight, and then he got all of a sudden dedicated.

[1989] And then all of a sudden he's the baddest motherfucker in K -1.

[1990] He's the most dangerous guy that's fighting in Strike Force.

[1991] I think he's more dangerous than any of those other Strike Force guys.

[1992] I know Fedor is a legend.

[1993] I know Fedor is a bad motherfucker.

[1994] fucker, and I'm a Fador fan, but I think if Fador stands with Alistar over him, I think it's night night, soldier.

[1995] I don't think you can hang in there with that guy.

[1996] I don't think you realize the level striking that guy's on right now.

[1997] He's been training just straight K -1 for a long time now and competing and winning in high -end, you know, a high -level competition, against high -level competition, beating Peter Ertz and shit, you know?

[1998] So there's a gang of those dudes right now that are bad motherfuckers.

[1999] What's up, Joe Rogan?

[2000] Drop it on me and shit.

[2001] Crow cop could come back.

[2002] He could come back.

[2003] As long as he can still take punishment, you know, I mean, he got in with a big knee from a big guy, you know.

[2004] But if he can still take punishment and he, you know, super dedicates himself to sides, fuck this, I'm coming back.

[2005] You know, I'm coming back with a vengeance.

[2006] Him against Roy Nelson could be fun.

[2007] I'm sitting there the other day watching Tito against Matt Hamill, and I've always loved Matt Hamill.

[2008] I like his work ethic.

[2009] I always pull for him.

[2010] And I'm watching Tito, whatever.

[2011] And I'm thinking about fucking John Jones, pick this guy up and threw him around like a fucking, A rag doll.

[2012] Like a ragdoll.

[2013] I was thinking about this this week.

[2014] I'm looking at this going, this is what's coming in.

[2015] When John Jones handles dudes, it's like, you ever seen a, like a strong bug, like a beetle, pick another bug up and just kind of toss it around?

[2016] Like, bugs can do crazy shit to each other, like ants can just pick other ants up like they're nothing and just toss them around.

[2017] It doesn't look like they're even straining.

[2018] That's how it looks like when John Jones throws people around.

[2019] John Jones did that to that kid.

[2020] My heart stopped.

[2021] Dude.

[2022] He fucking stop, man. His lateral drop when he gets those double.

[2023] double overhooks on you, he hit, who did he hit with it?

[2024] He hit, um, the guy with that, Stefan Bonner, Stefan Bonner, he hit Stefan Bonner with it.

[2025] He hit Gusmael with it.

[2026] Guzmael was his first opponent in the UFC.

[2027] He, uh, apparently, Tate Fletcher told me that he hit it on Keith Jardine in training.

[2028] He said, dude, you can't even believe it when you see it.

[2029] Keith is this big, strong, powerful dude.

[2030] And John Jones just launches him through the air, flips him over his heel.

[2031] I mean, you know, lateral job is, you're flipping a guy through the fucking air.

[2032] Feet up to ankles, flying and he does that to Keith Jardine on a regular he's just that strong he's just freak strong freak technique super smart super humble dude you know that's that's the next level man that level of athleticism that comes with those guys that's the next level that's coming right now John Jones is just like all those other super athletes and other sports just like a Jordan he's just one of these guys he's just a bad motherfucker bad motherfucker with his mind but the super athletes also have a downfall what they also have a there's a dark side to them.

[2033] They don't have what you were talking about before, which is technique.

[2034] They relied too much on the athleticism.

[2035] Oh, John Jones has a perfect technique.

[2036] It draws as they're more involved in it.

[2037] And that's what happens to Michael Vick, for example.

[2038] Did Jordan rely on technique?

[2039] I don't know much about basketball.

[2040] Was he a technique guy or was he just an athletic guy?

[2041] He was very athletic, but he knew the game of basketball.

[2042] He had to be.

[2043] He was one of the greatest ever.

[2044] But what I'm saying is when it comes to fighting sometimes, people have very fast, the hand speed, or they're good with their legs, and they move good, but they just don't, the athleticism stops, and you always lose the technique.

[2045] Right.

[2046] You know, like, you'll never be a GSP.

[2047] Right.

[2048] He's a great athlete, but the motherfucker got great technique.

[2049] His technique's perfect.

[2050] It's perfect, you know.

[2051] And it's just so neat.

[2052] His guy, John Donaheher, the guy who handles, he's, he does a lot of the training of GSP and a lot of the strategy of GSP, and he was brought in to coach with GSP on this season, the ultimate fighter.

[2053] You saw him, he's the Australian dude.

[2054] Right.

[2055] They got a short -haired guy.

[2056] Yeah, I'm sorry, New Zealand was a day.

[2057] He does you get two 15.

[2058] Yeah, he's like 43 years old and Jiu -Jitsu is this guy's life and he's He's a brilliant motherfucker He lives on his mat He sleeps on the mat He sleeps on the mat So when he takes naps and shit Because he teaches during the day You know, when he's got no classes He's just taking naps and shit His room is a fucking map Oh really?

[2059] Where he sleeps It might be And he's a lot of legend behind this guy I heard that like he's one of these guys like us Like you know like as a comic sometimes The best material you get Is right about Before you close your fucking eyes And you have a decision to make Either you could get up And write the joke or you can get up and say to yourself, I remember it in the morning, and then you don't remember who got's in the morning.

[2060] It's this motherfucker takes it to the next level.

[2061] He's in bed thinking of a move.

[2062] He'll get up at 4 in the morning and get a dummy.

[2063] And start rolling with the fucking dog, you know, whatever.

[2064] Just to see if leverage or whatever, I heard he's one of those guys, you know.

[2065] They credit him with inventing the darts choke.

[2066] There's a choke that Joe D .R .C. is famous for because Mayhem Miller got caught in it by Joe D .R .C., and they brought it back, and they started calling it the Darschoke.

[2067] I talked about it during the podcast, but apparently what I've been informed since I said this during the broadcast is that Donahur actually invented this choke, that he figured it out, and he's the one who showed it to the R .C. And the R .C. showed it to meham.

[2068] So Donaheher, you know, he's a legend in fighting, a legend in, like, he doesn't fight himself because he's got a fucked up knee, but he's a legend amongst jujitsu circles for being like one of the baddest motherfuckers to deal with.

[2069] Well, his theories are exactly, they mirror my theories when it comes to MMA.

[2070] And it's the theory that they espoused when coaching this show, the Ultimate Fighter.

[2071] They're like, fuck all this trying to be the toughest, you know, guy, trying to, you know, run up hills the hardest and throw bags of sand around the hardest.

[2072] No, what's most important is your technique.

[2073] The technique has to be the most important.

[2074] And it's not mental toughness.

[2075] It's not your ability to, you know, hold your breath underwater, holding on to rocks.

[2076] It's technique.

[2077] Technique and training that technique at a furious pace and you'll develop.

[2078] How do you learn how to fight you?

[2079] How do you learn?

[2080] By fighting.

[2081] So what's the fucking tube where you're running up a hill?

[2082] That's something I'm never.

[2083] It's great.

[2084] Conditioning is great.

[2085] There's something to strengthen conditioning to prevent injuries and to give you a certain amount of strength, a certain amount of power, to utilize those techniques.

[2086] But when you get past that, technique is the most important thing.

[2087] And these guys, you know, this Donahir guy, like talking to him just reinforces in my eyes, the importance of a super dedicated coach, like a guy like him.

[2088] You know, a guy like him or a guy like Greg Jackson, especially Donner.

[2089] I'm a big fan of his, and Greg's.

[2090] Those guys are huge for a fighter's career, you know, to find a wise guy who is in that role.

[2091] He's not, he can't compete.

[2092] He was born with a fucked up knee.

[2093] Like he literally, he can't like do strength and conditioning shit.

[2094] He can't run.

[2095] His knees fucked up.

[2096] He probably can't take kicks in it.

[2097] So he's not going to be fighting.

[2098] But he's fascinated by it.

[2099] He's fascinated by it as a science, just like you would be fascinated by chess as a science.

[2100] And that's how he breaks it down.

[2101] It's not about toughness or ego or any silliness like that.

[2102] It's all just about executing the perfect technique and strategy.

[2103] Did you watch the ultimate fighter last week?

[2104] Yes.

[2105] They had a knucklehead on there, and he walks around and he's tough.

[2106] But then the other guy, everybody says, avoid his fucking guillotine.

[2107] Did you see what that knucklehead did?

[2108] What do he do?

[2109] He just dove in on it.

[2110] Went to the fucking guillotine.

[2111] Yeah, well, it's because the kid came wild at him, and he just forced him into his habits.

[2112] Do you think that kid could beat the fuck out of me, that kid with the guillotine?

[2113] The kid's got a nasty gait to Well, he's got a weird way of holding it too Absolutely He doesn't hold it like a normal guy does He like turns it So that the back of the palm is facing the face And he pushes down on it And it kind of closes off both sides Of the neck quicker I'm fucking around with it A lot of guys did Nate Diaz did that to Who the fuck did he fight God damn it Irish hangaraday Marcus Davis He did that same technique to Marcus Davis He pushes his knuckles He pushes like he grabs a hold of his hand and pushes his hand towards the neck.

[2114] And then that's how he closes it off.

[2115] It's like that's the thing about Jiu -Jitsu, man. Guys are constantly coming up with new variations to techniques, constantly adding new ways to do it.

[2116] There's like a bunch of different variations.

[2117] You can't learn it all, man. And that's like every guy has a different kind of style.

[2118] Like some guys always have the newest craziest moves and they have this giant encyclopedia of moves that can hit you with.

[2119] And then there's other guys that only like hit a certain amount of moves all the time.

[2120] Like they go for arm triangles, chokes, arm bar.

[2121] They have like three or four moves, you know, that they only go to off their back they have like arm bar triangle that's it is it just only moves they go to but they're nasty at them you know like no gara no gara doesn't do like crazy wild stuff his jiu jihitsu is like old school hicks and gracy style jiu jitsu it's like the real traditional jihitsu but everything he does he does perfect you know what i'm saying like everything is perfect technically like i don't see no gara doing you know any crazy like go go plata rubber guard sweep shit like he's going to just tap you with triangles tap you with armbars you know what I'm saying tap you with guillotines get your back choke you out all like the standard stuff like Hodger Gracie same thing all the standard standard moves they just hone them to a science you know so there's two schools of thought like Hicks and Gracie is a perfect example widely recognized as the greatest jujitsu guy ever everybody says that but Hicks and Gracie is traditional jiu -jitsu that's what he hits you with he doesn't hit you with some crazy moves you never saw before he just goes through you with perfect he knows everything he knows everything thing.

[2122] But his Jiu -Jitsu is all very standard old -school Jiu -Jitsu.

[2123] He's just perfect at it.

[2124] Everything he does is perfect technique, perfect position.

[2125] He's been there a billion times.

[2126] It's a part of his DNA.

[2127] And everybody says the same thing.

[2128] You don't even know what the fuck Jiu -Jitsu is until you roll with Hickson.

[2129] They say he just takes it to another level.

[2130] He goes, it's just, you realize like there's levels to this game and you think you know what the levels are until you roll with the guy like Hickson.

[2131] And you just realize this motherfucker know it's exactly what to do.

[2132] Every time you move a certain way, he knows exactly.

[2133] exactly how to respond and he does it effortlessly and you feel like you're a child you feel like you just learn how to do this and you're getting strangled meanwhile you've been putting in 10 years you've been going to the gym three four days a week for 10 years sweating your ass off doing doing fucking running hills doing kettlebell drills you're like I'm a bad motherfucker you're like I'm 28 years old I did a cycle of Anavar where's Hickson and you roll with them and you just rolled around like a little baby like a little baby you don't even know what the fuck's going on all technique they say you don't feel any of his strength you don't even feel his strength you don't feel it.

[2134] It's just all of a sudden he's mounted on you and you can't shake him off.

[2135] You try to shake him off.

[2136] He counters that shake.

[2137] He's all of a sudden got an arm trapped.

[2138] And you're trying to fight that arm.

[2139] All of a sudden you're in a triangle.

[2140] It's like it's just boop, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[2141] And then he tapped and you're like, I don't even feel like he got tired.

[2142] He didn't even break a sweat.

[2143] You're exhausted.

[2144] You just fought for your fucking life against some ever -moving anaconda that's figuring out some new way to cut off your blood.

[2145] And then boom, tap.

[2146] And you have to tap.

[2147] And then you just humiliated.

[2148] And you start back from scratch.

[2149] Technique, brother.

[2150] Technique.

[2151] Technique never ask out to the fucking sponsor that Fleshlight Fleshlight Check him out Like I said And when you put ice cubes in there And then you put a little bit of fucking coming there And then you put Alka -Seltzer in there So when you're fucking it You get the Alka -Seltzer on your helmet Wait a minute And you get the ice cube effect from outside your helmet You come in it and then you fucking I don't fucking know I don't have this in my house I'm just trying to help people out of you It's a blue one I don't want no fucking penalty You don't want it I don't want no way I don't like that I don't like born I just have ideas Do you still even beat off How often you beat off On a regular basis Once a week Once a week Really?

[2152] That's it Why?

[2153] Why don't you do it more For what?

[2154] Brian wants to hear stories Yeah What did you do it to today?

[2155] I'm not big on the beatoff You're not big on it?

[2156] No No I feel fucking guilty Yeah It's always a sad feeling It's very sad When you beat off To go to a strip club And make them believe The strip is gonna meet you At Denny's afterwards You know what I'm saying That ain't never gonna happen they ain't never going to fucking happen you always get that one idiot dog let's go to daddy she said she's gonna meet me fucking nobody gonna meet you what's up red that's the game son that's the game that's the game have you ever dated a girl that that her phone has emergency porn videos just in case that she doesn't have internet and she has to masturbate no don't that's disgusting for real esther does that do you think she wants the world to know this oh i don't know probably not yeah that seems like you just ratted her out bro What's the man with you?

[2157] Wow.

[2158] Some chicks get crazy with the porn, though.

[2159] Oh, they love it.

[2160] There's other girls that are offended by porn.

[2161] Some chicks get offended.

[2162] Some chicks get crazy with it.

[2163] It's a weird thing, huh?

[2164] It's a weird thing.

[2165] Some girls think you need it.

[2166] Like, oh, you need it to keep a relationship.

[2167] There was a girl that I dated in high school, and then I ran into her many, many years later.

[2168] And somehow another, you know, she got on the subject of getting bored while she's married.

[2169] She was a horror.

[2170] She probably wanted to fuck.

[2171] And she got on the subject of, you know, watching.

[2172] watching porn when you're married and I'm like you guys watch porn together she's like oh yeah I mean after a while you get just so tired of each other just want to watch something else like she was just it was like sounded so gross and they wonder why the fucking husband's fucking some tattooed pig that's why fucking filthy fucking animals that they are old school lazy gentleman oh fucking Joey Diaz drop it's old school I don't got time for this new shit that was a strong it was a strong two -hour sprint Joey you fucking threw it down to day.

[2173] Did I?

[2174] Yeah, you did.

[2175] There was some classic moments.

[2176] What did I say?

[2177] Well, you said everything.

[2178] 10 minutes and shit.

[2179] You said there was some classic goddamn moments.

[2180] It was one of my favorite podcasts.

[2181] Really?

[2182] Yeah, today.

[2183] Why you blow and smoke up my ass to the fans?

[2184] You made me laugh.

[2185] Every time I come up, people, put security cameras on and shit.

[2186] You made me laugh my fucking ass off.

[2187] That was a good one.

[2188] Anyway, I love doing it with you guys.

[2189] It's a lot of fun.

[2190] What would happen?

[2191] What did you do?

[2192] Nothing.

[2193] I was just getting an ending song ready.

[2194] You can't not do that.

[2195] Do, how do people get a hold of your They know how to fucking get a hold of me. No, they don't.

[2196] Beauty and the Beast podcast, we dropped it this morning.

[2197] Beauty and the Beast .com and download it download on iTunes.

[2198] You guys own Beauty and the Beast.

[2199] How the fuck did you get that?

[2200] I don't fucking know.

[2201] Beauty and the Beast.

[2202] Oh, DA.

[2203] Well, you're just confused the shit out of a bunch of people.

[2204] I don't know what you're saying.

[2205] I'm going to get home.

[2206] Mickey's going to be in my house serving me. Hey, have you ever wondered about that?

[2207] Like, what if you become famous?

[2208] You might not be able to keep that name.

[2209] Like Disney might fuck with you guys.

[2210] Beauty and Da Beast.

[2211] Yeah, they might fuck with you guys.

[2212] We'll burn that bridge when we get.

[2213] Get to it.

[2214] Why not just have the Joey Diaz and Felicia podcast?

[2215] You guys are awesome.

[2216] How about Booty and the Beast?

[2217] Shut up, Brian.

[2218] I don't know.

[2219] Why don't just have you guys, let's leave what the fuck it is?

[2220] Why not just have you guys, your names?

[2221] Wouldn't it be better beneficial to you guys if your name was on the podcast?

[2222] You know?

[2223] Who the fuck knows?

[2224] Joey Diaz and Felicia Michael's.

[2225] Why?

[2226] Why?

[2227] Who gives a fuck?

[2228] They do give a fuck.

[2229] People love you, man. They know what to fucking get a hold of me. They want to find you.

[2230] Beating the Beast .com.

[2231] They want other people to be able to find you online.

[2232] Go to talk.

[2233] Twitter.

[2234] I'm on MySpace, big like a motherfucker.

[2235] Your tags are off.

[2236] Your tags are off.

[2237] Nobody understands where you are.

[2238] What do you mean my tag?

[2239] Mad Flavor.

[2240] You need to get Mad Flavor at Twitter.

[2241] Matt Flavor at Twitter.

[2242] What's my Mad Flavor at whatever?

[2243] What is your Facebook?

[2244] I don't know.

[2245] Joey Coco Diaz at Facebook.

[2246] Yeah, someone couldn't find you.

[2247] The vaporizer dude can find you.

[2248] He's looking for you.

[2249] I don't understand how he couldn't find me. I think he sent you a Myspace message though reluctantly.

[2250] He did.

[2251] He jumped into the waters of Myspace.

[2252] How could you find his message inside all the spam?

[2253] I like the vaporizer.

[2254] I like the vaporizer.

[2255] I like the vaporizer.

[2256] I just thought the well was a little too small.

[2257] You know, I smoked 50 fucking bong.

[2258] Jesus Christ.

[2259] Vaporized weed is something so different to me. I can't smoke a lot of it.

[2260] Every time I get, I do too many vaporizer hits, I'm not comfortable.

[2261] I don't like it.

[2262] What happens to you?

[2263] Just get too fucking spacing.

[2264] Good.

[2265] I'm going to go home and get fucking high.

[2266] I'm going to smoke that whole battery.

[2267] I can't keep up with the thoughts.

[2268] It's like they're coming too fast.

[2269] It's like I need them.

[2270] No, no, no, no. I like them around mid -level, mid -stream, so that I can still think.

[2271] Mid -stream.

[2272] When I get sued.

[2273] Super, super, super high.

[2274] Sometimes it's like it takes me an hour before I can enjoy it.

[2275] Because for the first hour, I'm just like, whoa, it's just moving along too fast.

[2276] It's like there's a river of fish swimming by me, and they're all little, and I'm trying to grab handfuls of them.

[2277] I can't get one of them.

[2278] They're all flying by.

[2279] They're all to vaporize that motherfucker of the death.

[2280] And don't forget people, we're going to be at the Austin.

[2281] Yeah.

[2282] City next week, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, the 4th through the 6th.

[2283] We're going to be ripping it the fuck up.

[2284] That's not next week, though, right?

[2285] Yes, it is.

[2286] Yes, it is.

[2287] It's fucking Halloween this Sunday, gentlemen.

[2288] All Saints Day is Monday.

[2289] We're going to fucking Austin next Wednesday at 6 o 'clock, motherfuckers.

[2290] We'll be at 11th.

[2291] It's Halloween next Sunday, bro.

[2292] Yeah, that's what I said to you.

[2293] Oh, okay.

[2294] So we're going to the following week, which is next week, isn't it?

[2295] Next week is Austin.

[2296] That's what the fucking is saying.

[2297] Oh, yeah, you're right.

[2298] It is next week.

[2299] We're going to Austin next week.

[2300] So get it together.

[2301] Five fun -filled shows.

[2302] There's a couple tickets left.

[2303] Jump on that bitch right now.

[2304] That's right.

[2305] Don't forget the flashlight, don't forget Beauty and the Beast.

[2306] Don't forget, I'm writing for pro -MMA .com with my man, Jack.

[2307] You know what you need to do?

[2308] Fuck all this writing.

[2309] They just need to get a camera and turn it on you and have you talk and put it on as a video blog.

[2310] What's up with this writing nonsense?

[2311] I love writing.

[2312] Well, I know you love writing.

[2313] You can do that if you like, but if they really want to get the most out of you?

[2314] What the fuck, Cocksucker?

[2315] I don't wait.

[2316] All you got to do is roll that number.

[2317] Roll that number, Cocksucker.

[2318] Don't worry about changing names What are you Fucking border wars Row that number bitch I love your name I don't want you to change you You know I love you right red band How did you become Planet Rock What was this?

[2319] I don't know who gave me Planet Rock I thought you came up No I'm mad flavor From Biggie Game Mad Flavor you definitely came up Biggie gave me Mad Flavit 95 And then also Joey Karate That's right Joey karate I gave myself Before Tommy Karate Came up with that mother Who's Tommy Karate?

[2320] Tommy Petera The fucking guy Who's in the witness Relocation plan Fuck him What What are you talking about?

[2321] My cry over spilled milk.

[2322] Some guy Tommy Patera, look him up.

[2323] He wrote a book and he's Tommy Karate.

[2324] What is this, Brian?

[2325] This is Mika versus Red 1.

[2326] Is it good?

[2327] I don't know.

[2328] I just thought it'd play something I don't know.

[2329] Remember?

[2330] You're just going to take a chance?

[2331] Yeah, I'm taking a chance.

[2332] Why would you do that?

[2333] Because that's how Brian knows.

[2334] It's gay as fuck, bro.

[2335] It's so gay.

[2336] I ruined.

[2337] Kill it.

[2338] Kill it and let's wrap it up with that Die Antwerd song again.

[2339] It's not connecting.

[2340] to your internet right now that's why you have it already I love you guys thank you very much for watching the podcast it's not connected to the internet this is one of the best podcast I do I love these fucking guys especially Red Band and Rogan you know what I'm saying I'll be right out there princess we enjoy the fuck out of doing it thank you everybody for tuning in we appreciate it very much and Joey and I again we'll see you next week in Austin Texas we're there for three nights Thursday Friday and Saturday ripping it up bitches What is this Brian?

[2341] This is MC Chris Oh you fucking homo Is this like caviar It's an acquired taste Yes I like it I like to add Like wearing a flaming sorting hat Name is Neville I'm a rebel don't worry about the tension That's not bad Did I feel to mention that my specialty suspension as in getting lifted I'm a hit hit come to hot one of the books I'm the kid you look up when you feel like getting trick up I got cockcroach clusters I got them chocolate fogs I got every flavor made by that baby birdie bots I got what you want I got what you need I got those whizzy Be so Fizzy You say wizard please I'm someone with the spell Because pages are prohibited Thank you very much Ladies and gentlemen We will see you Probably Thursday It looks like we're gonna do another one On Thursday We've been doing Most of two a week And I appreciate the fuck Every time I come to the shows And all the people That come up to me And tell me that they Really like the podcast Well that's why we're doing it We're doing it for you guys It really means the world to us We enjoy the fuck out of doing it And we're going to keep doing it Thank you very much And we'll see you soon Thank you Bye bye big kiss Love your bitches Bye