#1758 - Carrot Top

[0] Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

[1] The Joe Rogan Experience.

[2] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[3] Cheers, sir.

[4] Dude.

[5] Happy New Year.

[6] Happy New Year to you, too.

[7] It was very nice to officially meet you.

[8] Yeah, that sounds cool.

[9] I follow you on the Instagram, watch your posts all the time.

[10] Okay, good.

[11] See what a big, silly goose, you're having a good time.

[12] Yes.

[13] I've been doing these little, I would you call it, you kind of reenact a scene for movies.

[14] been really fun and it's hard because you have to you have to like know the scene really well so I've done like the plane trains and all you know my fucking car my fucking um so it's been fun I knew little gig but yeah I try to keep it fun Instagram no you definitely do and you're obviously you've done a lot of radio because you have one ear on one ear off Jim Norton always does that no I do this and I do this in perfect Jim Norton does that too yeah a lot of people do that I don't know I've done a lot of yeah I've done a lot yeah they want like a little yeah a little bit yeah exactly I don't understand that Because if you're looking at me like, put your headset, I'm right.

[15] Yeah, we've been doing comedy for so fucking long and that we've never met.

[16] It's kind of funny.

[17] That is bizarre.

[18] I mean, you've been doing it.

[19] 30 plus years?

[20] Yeah, same.

[21] I started in 1985.

[22] Yeah, I started in 88, so I had to reach out.

[23] All right, it got my three.

[24] I'm the veteran here.

[25] Fuck.

[26] You're a funny guy, man, and you at least used to take a lot of shit.

[27] And I never understood it.

[28] I never under.

[29] I don't either.

[30] I never have understood that.

[31] But it's mellowed out a little bit.

[32] It's kind of like, you know, you've done it so long.

[33] You're kind of like, okay, you can go to the barbecue now.

[34] You're part of the club.

[35] But for years and years, I mean, from the very, very beginning, which is kind of funny, you being a comic, but I started in Florida.

[36] One thing everybody worried about was, you know, be a fever.

[37] You know, you don't want to steal, you know, I stole his act.

[38] So I thought, you know, not only did I do my thing just because I wanted to do props, but I thought, wow, no one's going to hate me because I'm doing, I'm not doing anyone's.

[39] I'm stealing crime watch signs and shit and lugging around the country.

[40] So if anything, they would say, you know, okay, he's not funny.

[41] Or at least he's original, but he's not funny.

[42] But they would say, oh, no, he's, you know, everything.

[43] I just got, I would get shit for, like, I was the shit.

[44] I was just filling the punchline.

[45] Yeah, you were a whipping boy.

[46] Yeah.

[47] You know what it's like, you're like the, it's like nickel back for whatever nickel back takes so much shit.

[48] It's like someone decides that that's a good punchline, you know, whether it's caratop or nickel back and they put on a pretty amazing show they've got some good songs man they do they're pop songs yeah but so fucking what it's like they're not hurting anybody it was you know so let's say i would do a show and we have a you know nice crowd it was great and standing ovation we get on the bus and we're driving to wherever next gig and we're all watching you know the tv and then boom there's a keratop rip and i'd be like you know what the fuck we just not only we just did a great show we had to hope of people laughing yeah so this one this One guy is tell me, you know, that I said, whatever, you know, I've always been a guy that's considered the source.

[49] I mean, I was always picked on it as a kid, but when I'd come home, my mom was, you know, what happened?

[50] I was the guy.

[51] Who was it?

[52] And I was this guy.

[53] Well, consider the source, right?

[54] Yeah.

[55] So it's always been that with comedy, too.

[56] Like when, you know, George Carlin said I was funny, that, that, that negated every, every asshole that said I've sucked.

[57] I was like, George Carlin thought I was funny.

[58] So, you know, I was funny, man. So you kind of.

[59] You have a good show.

[60] Well, you kind of want, I think most humans want everyone to love them, right?

[61] Yeah.

[62] But as comics, we're even more sensitive.

[63] I want not only have fans, but I want my peers to like me as well, so it's weird.

[64] And then people say, well, who gives a shit of, you know, you have fans that love you, who cares about your peers?

[65] I'm like, well, you kind of want other comics to go, hey, man, I dig your style, you know?

[66] No, for sure.

[67] That's the thing.

[68] If you're rejected by your peers, even if the rest of the world loves you, you.

[69] you what comics hate you right it's horrible it's been like I said I've kind of I've done it so long I guess they're finally like oh fuck I he can stay I guess well I think first of all you own the genre now there used to be like when I started in 88 there used to be prop comics yeah you became so successful as a prop comic that you own the genre like there's no prop comics anymore man I think I know I don't think anyone wants to be one that's what I think they're like fuck that I'm not going down that path I'm gonna take over all the that I took, I'd tell them, don't do it.

[70] But when we had, though, like you said, though, were Rip Taylor or Gallagher.

[71] And by the way, Gallagher was very much of an influence on me when I started doing comedy night and I, and I would get, well, I should just say you.

[72] So one day Gallagher meets me for lunch, and Gallagher's listening.

[73] So he's up my, I mean, he's yelling.

[74] I mean, screaming it in front of everybody in front of the like the valet and he says I stole his act and I was like Gallagher yeah he meets you for lunch to yell at you yeah well I think we've made up since I think he came the show and told me how to redo it but I know he did he's out there I've heard him on sir he sounds fucking crazy and you know stop doing props so um yeah so uh but the thing that I thought was kind of funny because I in my defense of Gallagher I used to always say um it's not The watermelon.

[75] He's a really brilliant comic.

[76] I mean, you go back and listen to his writing.

[77] Yeah.

[78] It was great.

[79] But all people knew was him jumping on a big couch and hitting a watermelon.

[80] But I would always say, no, that guy's a genius.

[81] And so then he meets me and he tells me, you know what, you stole my act and you didn't steal the, you stole the stupid stuff.

[82] And I said, we told him.

[83] Well, first I didn't steal anything.

[84] He says, hey, the stupid stuff.

[85] Why didn't you steal the smart stuff, the words, the stuff that's actually clever?

[86] Why would you still?

[87] I said, but I didn't steal.

[88] It's my stupid stuff.

[89] stupid stuff.

[90] What was he saying you stole?

[91] My whole act, he said, you know, just made me the genre, I guess, because if you break down Gallagher prop stuff, it was always a pun.

[92] It was a shoehorn.

[93] It was like Rip Taylor kind of like a, hey, it's a butterfly.

[94] It's butter with wings.

[95] And mine was like, no, it's a crime watch sign.

[96] It's a, it's a, it's a, it's more of an invention, um, prop.

[97] So he thought that by, you know, you holding up two things and saying it's a this and of that, but like he used to do that.

[98] See, we never, see and I never, see, did that that's what was funny we never I've never my my style of prop comedy is kind of an interesting it's like an inventive if you go back and find right no no I have it's always a twist to it it's not just me holding up a it's not a word playword like the whid you know it's like I got my tubes tied and it's just tubes all together so more it's like I think what I would have like you know I don't know like a microphone from Mc Jagger that has an oxygen thing in it so it's it's something it's something that's more into it anyway it's just a I get it.

[99] It's joking, but it's also.

[100] Yeah.

[101] And when I did the family guy, they said, they called, they said, you know, we got the thing already.

[102] And they sent me the script.

[103] And I was like, so the joke is it's a seesaw, right?

[104] So I'm like, so its prop is a saw with glasses on it, right?

[105] And that's kind of not what I do, right?

[106] And so I was like, oh, man, this is, I don't like this.

[107] If we change it to something that I do.

[108] And the guy's, what's this?

[109] Was I?

[110] So that's McFarland, says, dude, no, this is, people, it's fucking great.

[111] And I said, I know, but a seesaw, it's really stupid.

[112] And he says, I wrote it.

[113] I said, no. It's not that stupid then.

[114] I said, no, I just want to do, like, can I do one of my props?

[115] He said, well, two things wrong.

[116] We already have the animation done.

[117] Right.

[118] And secondly, everyone loves it.

[119] And if you want to do it, we'll just get someone else to do the voice, it's fine.

[120] I said, no, no, I want to do it.

[121] I just, if we can't, fuck it.

[122] So I did it, and I still, to this day, get people go, dude, seesaw.

[123] So they were, they were right.

[124] I just, I just was like, damn it, I want it to be a little more.

[125] I get it.

[126] Well, also, you've got to be a little defensive after all the years of people shitting on you.

[127] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[128] True.

[129] What is it like having a Vegas residency?

[130] Because I've always thought about that.

[131] Like, there's people that I think did it where maybe they probably shouldn't have done it.

[132] and then there's people like you, that it seemed, you seem to be having a good time doing it, and then you still do occasional shows and other spots?

[133] Yeah.

[134] Yeah, I love it.

[135] I mean, I was telling your guys out front there a bit ago, that in the beginning I was very reluctant, because I was my road guy, and so I would do, you know, the road and live on a tour bus and that, and then they offered the gig, and I was like, eh.

[136] So I started doing, like, just a couple weeks, which now they call residencies.

[137] Residences, when, you know, you live there, is residency.

[138] Right.

[139] Right.

[140] Right.

[141] But now you have a weekend.

[142] Oh, they're doing a residency.

[143] So I said, I'll do two weeks at a time.

[144] And it was kind of rough.

[145] I was, I was, I wasn't, I wasn't, the Vegas is a different beast.

[146] I just wasn't ready for people sitting in, you know, like booths and eating, you know, like dinner show eating and kind of getting slouched.

[147] And I was like, I'm used to people like, you know.

[148] Sikes for the show.

[149] Right.

[150] Yeah.

[151] They're coming out to see you.

[152] And like George Carlin would tell me how he says, you know, you couldn't get into, oh, so fuck it.

[153] I'm going to go see Carlin kind of thing.

[154] So as I've gotten more fans, I think I'm getting more of my audience.

[155] But back then, there was just people that were, you know, going by a buffet going, I get a carrot top ticket and whatever, check it out.

[156] How long have you been doing it now in Vegas?

[157] This is 16 at the Luxor and then 10 at the MGM, so 26 years?

[158] And then at Ballet's once, one year, I mean, sorry.

[159] So 27 years.

[160] So you've been in Vegas.

[161] Penn and Teller, I've been going back and forth and who's been the longest.

[162] And I said, well, I do all the work.

[163] You have fucking Teller, right?

[164] So I win by default Well, you know And Teller doesn't do shit He just stands there Penn and Teller They're very unique people Absolutely very very unique You know Penn is a super interesting guy And you really wouldn't think that he would fit in in Vegas Like Penn?

[165] Yeah He barely fits He's six nine He's a giant dude yeah But he seems like you belong somewhere else Yeah But so 26 fucking years Is doing a residency That's a long -ass time man It is a long time.

[166] Have you always done some road work while you're doing that?

[167] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[168] We just did the last two weeks ago.

[169] We did a whole bunch of Kansas City in Detroit and Chicago and Minneapolis.

[170] What is, what do you like doing?

[171] Do you like doing like weekends?

[172] I like both.

[173] I like the Vegas show.

[174] It's, you know, it's kind of, you're there every night, you get to go home.

[175] But the road shows are, you kind of feel like a rock, you know, I took my opener with me saying, he's like, this is, you know, it's like, you feel like, you know, you're on the road.

[176] You're in show business.

[177] You know, Vegas, sometimes you forget, oh, yeah, I'm in show there but you're on the road right and you got people up by the bus and there's things and this energy and there's you know that kind of stuff yeah yeah the the vagus residency has got to be good for your health though because you're not fucking yeah agreed i mean you just yeah exactly so it is not there's a lot of ups and uh for it too and it seems to be easier to kind of throw in new jokes every night because you're not you're not you know i can come in and rehearse and just try it it doesn't work it doesn't work yeah have you had like most comics they'll go places and work out like you'll go to like a small club and fuck around i haven't done that i haven't done that honestly and people always say you ever i said no i work out every night the fucking luxur so i but i fly to l -a and try shit out the improv you know i mean like right well how many nights you work it there so you know yeah that's the difference with you yeah i mean that's what was funny like going back all these years how the hell i drug all that shit we were how much shit do you have oh a lot it used to be it used to be when we go the road shows it was a whole semi A whole semi?

[178] Yeah, we had ramps and rises into pyro, and it was like, it was a big show, and people would say, like, and the people that would come there to unload the truck to set up the show for that day, let's say we're here in Austin, they'd be like, all this shit for one guy.

[179] And I said, it takes a lot of shit to make me funny.

[180] I need all this shit.

[181] Trust me. I need my props and my trunks and my lights and my snow machines.

[182] Yeah, no, I get it.

[183] I did that way back.

[184] The very first club I did that they were, like, livid with me because I had, like, and I had to do it.

[185] all by myself back then I made my dad was a scientist who made this like pedal foot pedal and I hit first button did a strobe light and the second was a snow machine and the third one was a was something and a sound effect or something and a club owner came up a sec between two shows was it was a fucking snow machine in the middle of the show I was like yeah why I said didn't you see the show it meant it made sense I ate a peppermit patty and I said what was like and you and the snow came to his whatever the joke was but um and the club owner got mad I didn't even imagine.

[186] I was just like, I've never seen someone in a leaf blower because I did it like a hurricane bit.

[187] Yeah.

[188] It turned into a Michael Jackson bit.

[189] And he would say, I'd never seen someone bring a leaf blower in to do.

[190] Well, now you have.

[191] I said, now you have.

[192] Yeah.

[193] And then he said, I love that.

[194] Well, that's good.

[195] So, like, when you go on the road now, do you bring a semi as well?

[196] We've light.

[197] It's still a big truck, but it's not a full on.

[198] But, yeah, because we took a lot of this stuff.

[199] It was just too much.

[200] It was literally like setting up Aerosmith.

[201] And when you're in Vegas at the Luxor, is everything set up?

[202] for you so you can just kind of plug and play yeah yeah that's night how many nights a week are you there six six nights wow yeah it's not bad though I do like six nights a week to take day off on Sunday and then I do like on average three or four weeks and then I go to Florida oh so you do like a few weeks on and do you partially live in Florida yeah I have a house in Orlando so I kind of go back and what makes you go to Orlando why did you pick that there's just a house there that my key fits into so I go ahead oh I'm going to go here again.

[203] But why Florida?

[204] That's where I was born and raised, so I found a house there and I just kept it.

[205] Most of my, believe it or not, most of my family lives now in Vegas, but my father lived in Florida.

[206] He worked at NASA, the Space Center.

[207] A lot of fucking people moved to Vegas this year.

[208] I have quite a few friends that moved there that either, you know, they were either thinking about Arizona, Texas, Nashville, or Vegas.

[209] I guess so those are the big, and Nashville's another one.

[210] And even Austin, right, it's growing like crazy.

[211] Yeah, Austin, it's just bananas right now.

[212] My niece goes here.

[213] Yeah, I have like 10 of my friends moved here.

[214] But it's, it's better, you know?

[215] I mean, California is just too fucked right now.

[216] And so it was one of those things where.

[217] Yeah, I lived there for a bit near Malibu, and I, you know, I was not on it.

[218] Once I got the Vegas thing, I just kind of got out of it.

[219] Well, I loved it.

[220] before the shit hit the fan.

[221] Because the comedy store was there.

[222] Yeah, sure.

[223] All my friends were there.

[224] But when we realized that the government can stop you from working, you know, and not just for two weeks, but for fucking almost two years.

[225] Yeah.

[226] It was so long before they allowed indoor shows again.

[227] I was like, these people are out of their fucking minds.

[228] Like, you've got to let people make their own choices.

[229] Also, this is a respiratory virus.

[230] You're not stopping shit, as you can see.

[231] Yeah.

[232] Yep, it's very true.

[233] we was talking to the girl out there about when we first got back we were very first show back in Vegas and it was one of those things were you know we want you back and I said who else is coming back and said nobody just you and I said what you were the first show back first one but I think it's because I was the only guy in stage so all the shows with all the dancers and things and even with you know other people so I was the only one Pennantella didn't want to do it and you know Chris Angel didn't want to do it No one wanted to go back.

[234] And I was dying to go back.

[235] I was, you know, a year of sitting in, I mean, it's nice sitting in my boat in Florida.

[236] But at the same time, you're like, I'm losing my sense of purpose.

[237] Like, what the fuck?

[238] I got to perform again, you know?

[239] Yeah.

[240] So, yeah, I went back.

[241] And then, but the weird part, they put us in this 2 ,200 seat theater with the old Chris Angel theater when he played there.

[242] And it was only 100 people loud.

[243] So you had 2 ,200 seats.

[244] Yeah, 100 people.

[245] and separat distanced and a 40 -foot moat what yeah 40 feet between you and them for the for the god right and i used to make a joke i say in fact gallic would be horrible to do horrible in here they wouldn't hit anybody you know but um 40 feet is so far oh no and then i know and then you know it was it was really weird i got it be on you know and me my guys would be at the end and say you know it really wasn't that bad considering in their masks so you can't it's muffled it's it's it was yeah but it wasn't i don't know it's better than just not doing a show yeah but there were nights you're like wow this is not kind of i don't want to do this i am yeah so and then it's slowly slowly bigger and bigger now we're back on our original theater but we did i did one show in july of 2020 i did one weekend at the houston improv they're still allowing people to do shows and this was obviously pre -vaccines pre -every everything and you know it was still a little sketchy and i did the show and then we had a great time and I thought, God damn, I'm going to go on the road again.

[246] And then I got really high.

[247] And then I thought, what if I get COVID and I give it to someone and they die?

[248] That's what I thought.

[249] I thought, what if, and I said, okay, you know, I can't do this.

[250] And so it was just too weird back then.

[251] There was no real treatment for it.

[252] No one knew what was going on.

[253] It was a little scary.

[254] Yeah, people didn't have any idea what was happening.

[255] We were just dying.

[256] It was like, yeah.

[257] So I took a long time off.

[258] And then I came back when Chappelle wanted to do a bunch of shows in Austin and he said we're going to do them outside we're going to test everybody we'll create a COVID bubble nobody goes outside the bubble and by then I was already testing people for every single show here right so I was like okay I feel safe doing that because I'm all I'm doing right now is going home and then going to work and when I go to work everyone's getting tested and so I felt pretty safe and confident and then I would go to the shows and we would test like you know hundreds and hundreds of people and they would all sit outside and they all had to wear a mask And then we had our little COVID bubble.

[259] Yeah.

[260] And so we started doing that again.

[261] That was like, I guess we started doing it in November of 2020.

[262] I remember seeing it on your Instagram that you guys were going to do.

[263] And I remember people were asking me, hey, you want to do some drive -in theaters?

[264] Yeah.

[265] The fuck.

[266] So this is Burke Kreischer's idea.

[267] I know, but what's your thought in this?

[268] So you're on stage.

[269] Well, Bert invented it.

[270] You're on stage and the people are sitting in their cars.

[271] So you can't hear them.

[272] Yeah, but they honk and stuff.

[273] Well, see, it's perfect for Burke.

[274] Oh, really?

[275] So honk, honk, honk, I did get the prop killed.

[276] tongue, and they really kill it, wong.

[277] Yeah, it's like, they laugh and you hear them.

[278] But if you don't hear any horns, you're like, fuck, I'm bombing.

[279] Yeah, you're bombing.

[280] There's no horns.

[281] See, I'm terrified of that.

[282] It's not ideal, but it's better than anything.

[283] Right.

[284] Than nothing rather.

[285] Right, sure.

[286] And Bert invented it, so it was his idea, so for him, it was like a chance to be on the road again.

[287] I guess it would be work seems more for music.

[288] Yeah.

[289] Than comedy.

[290] I can't, you know, I don't.

[291] Yeah, it makes sense.

[292] But even music, you want to see people dancing around rocking out you don't see the car you know the car comes rocking don't come knocking and having a good time in that yeah if it's a van you know Dave and I we we did shows together back in that we're doing colleges oh in the Nacaday yeah Nacadays oh wow and uh this is a great every time I see Dave he always says the same thing he says man that so I'll tell you what happened so we were played some it was like Kansas or Iowa some more Midwest town And we did the show, and then afterwards, you know, we're young then.

[293] He says, well, let's go get a drink.

[294] So we go get a drink, and we have all this college kids, and finally we were like, we're chill, let's just go back to the hotel.

[295] It's like a little Lakeinta, which is Spanish behind Denny's, by the way.

[296] So we got Lequinta.

[297] And just before we had cell phones, I said, hey, let's exchange numbers.

[298] And he says, yeah, man, let's do that.

[299] So he leans over the counter and grabs a pen out and writes his number down.

[300] And this guy comes out and says, did you just take money out of the cash red?

[301] register and we're like what he's like did you just steal money out of the cash register and we're like look at each other I'm like no we just Dave's like I just grabbed a pen to exchange the numbers man take it easy with I said we're the comedians that you know playing in town he's like I'm calling the cops oh and I said the Dave no Dave says call the cops and I said is that camera work and he says what the one right there and he goes I said he says yep I said we're going to find out then I said make sure that you got the footage of that because we grabbed a pen.

[302] We didn't grab cash out of the register.

[303] And sure enough, he's like, you boys better get on.

[304] We're like, we didn't, we just wanted to exchange numbers.

[305] Weird, right?

[306] I thought we took money out of the register, yeah.

[307] Well, you know, some people live in a world of shit, you know, and you just dipped your toes into their world.

[308] Yeah, we're like, well, we didn't take money, dude.

[309] That's, yeah.

[310] We should have.

[311] That's pretty sad.

[312] we were you know we were broke comics we should have actually taken money on the register those college gigs were always weird man yeah they're you travel to these strange universities that would have comics yeah come and yep yeah used to do all that for for years i did a goodness like i did the morning like in a cafeteria uh -huh literally yeah i did those right standing on a cafeteria table yes literally and then and then it was one there's only one time in my entire career and I mean full -on career that I refused to go on and it was it it was an ACCA gig and they had a thing in the in a breezeway right like literally like a box and so my trunk didn't even fit on the box it was just it wasn't even a stage right so like size this table little smaller than this so yeah it was like a crate and so I said um you know my my my guy that helped me set up back then said he'd come you know get in the car he's like you're not going to like this one you know I said how bad is it dude it's in a fucking breezeway and I was like what it's in a breezeway and I was like I don't make that makes what I mean breezeway he's like it's it's like a box like a milk carton a thing and there's a microphone thing and then yeah and this is when I used to have my even have you know I had to have a harness I made that would hold my big mic like this so I'm to stand there in the middle of a fucking breezeway my kids are going to class no seriously and I'm like, I ain't doing it, right?

[313] So I said, fuck that, no. So we got in the van and drove to the next gig, which is, you know, probably six hours away.

[314] And it was in a big theater, you know, it's weird that you do one in the cafeteria.

[315] And then an hour later, you're in a big theater.

[316] So my phone's blowing up.

[317] I call my office and they're like, you can't just cancel a show.

[318] And I said, you didn't, yeah, I can.

[319] I'm not going to do it, right?

[320] Well, where are you?

[321] I said, I'm already, we're two hours out.

[322] We're fucking.

[323] going so turns out that college and that gig and that breezeway that guy was the president of NACA that booked me for that the president of NACA well he's an asshole he is an asshole but I'm saying oh shit of all people that I did that too it was that president of NACA if he's the guy that's making those kind of decisions that's disrespectful to the performance agreed yeah but I remember thinking great now I'm going to get black listed on the NACA convention Did you?

[324] No, because I think I'd already had, I think I was kind of done with the colleges.

[325] No, this is you're early on.

[326] I didn't get blacklisted, no. I went on and I kept getting books, but.

[327] I know a lot of comics that refuse to do colleges now.

[328] Well, now I wouldn't.

[329] Yeah, they're just too ridiculous.

[330] No, I wouldn't.

[331] I don't think I would do a college now.

[332] And I used to, I lived on those for so many.

[333] And it's not against the person, but the colleges, it's just, I think, like you just said, it's probably, I don't know.

[334] The audience is that what are they, I mean, half my act you can't do, like, I go back and look at stuff that I did on the Tonight Show, Regis and Kathy Lee.

[335] I still do it in my show because fuck it.

[336] I just do what I do.

[337] I don't, I just, you know, and people, ooh, and I go, there's worse shit coming.

[338] Take it easy.

[339] But I would have like a, you know, a mousetrap to catch gay mice.

[340] It was a little mousetrap with a mirror ball on it.

[341] And it would fucking kill, right?

[342] And even Gary Shandling, I do the tonight show, Gary Shandling is watching me. And he came up and he said, now it's great.

[343] the fucking gay mouse trap thing, right?

[344] And so you look at it now and you, but that was on network television like 8, 9 o 'clock in the morning.

[345] Right.

[346] And I could do that.

[347] I had a plate for bulimics.

[348] It was a toilet seat with a plate built into it and it was eating and throw up.

[349] It was all this shit, but you think about it now and they'd be like, oh God, you can't do that.

[350] What are you crazy?

[351] Well, you can.

[352] You just have to take some heat.

[353] But the thing is about colleges it's like they will instantaneously become activist and try to shut you down.

[354] Yeah, that's the process I mean.

[355] That's what I mean.

[356] It's kind of like, kind of, and my show's so silly.

[357] That's what, it's a silly show.

[358] Gay Mice trap is a funny thing.

[359] Why is it even negative?

[360] No, it's not negative.

[361] You don't mean, though, because someone's going to say, oh, no, you're picking on the, no, not picking on anybody.

[362] Of course you're not.

[363] Right.

[364] Of course you're not.

[365] It's just the fact that, you know, if you joke around about a subject, then it becomes hateful now.

[366] Like, we've entered into this new area where even touching on a subject, you have, you become, like hate you're hateful right right just joking around about something right yeah yeah it's it's it's unreal it's stupid well even like with date you know Dave um when all that yeah down you know this probably more than I know but they they didn't show a lot of the people that are pro pro for him well here's the thing the people that are against it here's the thing they didn't do with Dave they didn't quote any of the material if you notice it they kept saying it's transphobic it's transphobic but it's one of the very rare times where someone's being accused of something but there's not a specific thing that they point to where they say that this is egregious.

[367] This is transphobic.

[368] It's not transphobic.

[369] It's essentially like it's a long love letter to a friend of his that killed herself.

[370] I mean that's really what that part of it is and he's saying that a lot of it is because this woman who he was friends with got dragged online and attacked and DMs and stuff by other people that were in the trans community that said that she shouldn't stand up for Dave Chappelle and she wound up killing herself.

[371] This was, it's not a transphobic bit.

[372] It's not.

[373] It's like him trying to, you know, if you're going to give it any criticism at all, I think you could say that he talks about trans people a lot.

[374] I mean, it's been a major subject matter for him for a last couple specials.

[375] Yeah, I remember the last couple specials.

[376] But I think that's because, look, he's the most beloved comedian of our time.

[377] He's one of the greatest comedians of all time if not the greatest.

[378] And if you look at his career, this is like really the first time he's ever been attacked about things.

[379] And so this is his response to it.

[380] It's unusual for him.

[381] So I think he just wants to get his point across as clearly as possible and then he'll move on to other subject matters.

[382] So he's devoted a lot of time to it.

[383] But when they say it's transphobic, they're not being accurate.

[384] They're just looking at if he's covering the subject matter at all and he's doing it with humor, all of a sudden you can label it transphobic.

[385] Yeah.

[386] It's interesting.

[387] It's not right.

[388] It's not accurate.

[389] It's definitely not right.

[390] And it's not fair.

[391] And it's, like you said, it's weird being such a beloved guy for so long.

[392] And then they find all these people that want to come out and not love him.

[393] I think a lot of it is brilliant.

[394] It's attention, you know?

[395] But you imagine George Carlin had a, you know how many specials he used to do.

[396] One every fucking week.

[397] He'd have another hour special, which was always amazing to me. talk about a guy that can write jokes No he's yeah I mean I'm a great my god right so um imagine him right now like I would love to see a George Carlin special now could wouldn't that be great like what would he talk about I know but I'm saying because he didn't give him she wouldn't do shit he would open his show with like the most disgusting thing and just lean into it oh good and people would walk like 30 people at a time and a second would walk out did you see the patent Oswald thing that happened yesterday?

[398] No, I love Patton Oswald.

[399] I love Patton, too.

[400] Oh, what happened?

[401] He's like, Patton's a very kind, very sensitive guy.

[402] And Patton apparently was in town with Dave, and Dave texted him, like, hey, do you want to come do a set at my show?

[403] And Patton went to Dave's show.

[404] Dave was doing an arena, and Patent was doing another show in town.

[405] So Patton came to Dave's show, and they had a good time together, and Patton took a couple pictures with him and Dave and put it up on Instagram.

[406] And then apparently a bunch of people were saying, you know, how could you hang out with that transphobe, that this and that, blah, blah, blah.

[407] And so the next post, he makes this long apology.

[408] He writes like a fucking essay on how he feels about trans people.

[409] Oh, there he is.

[410] And, you know, the real fuck up.

[411] I mean, listen, again, I love Patton.

[412] I love him to death.

[413] He's a really, really sweet guy, which is why he did this in the first place.

[414] But one of the things that he said is he disagrees, 100 % disagree about transgender rights and representation with Dave.

[415] That's not true.

[416] I think he said that to placate the mob.

[417] But Dave does not have any problem whatsoever with transgender rights and representation.

[418] It's not right.

[419] He's just saying that because they were attacking him saying that Dave is transphobic.

[420] He's not.

[421] He's not.

[422] I mean, I know him very well.

[423] He's a fucking fantastic person.

[424] He's not, that's not him.

[425] He's just making jokes about stuff.

[426] And it's like, you can't read all those goddamn comments.

[427] Most of the comments are super, super positive, most of them.

[428] But if you have a thousand people that are commenting on something, you're going to have 10 that are just angry, negative, shitty people.

[429] And those are the ones.

[430] My audience basically, thank you.

[431] Oh, all of my audience.

[432] If you're a sensitive person, those are the ones that are going to stand out.

[433] And you're going to go, oh my God, what have I done?

[434] So he started deleting posts, and then apparently there was a bunch of shit posters and turfs and all kinds of other stuff.

[435] Turfs are a great name.

[436] It is.

[437] You want some real whiskey?

[438] What are you real whiskey?

[439] Was that Trace.

[440] Buffalo Trace Atkins?

[441] Buffalo Trace Atkins.

[442] That's real shit.

[443] It's America right there.

[444] That's America before it was America.

[445] Right?

[446] Yeah.

[447] Thank you.

[448] You're definitely doing better than me. Look at his, look at mine.

[449] Well, there's nothing wrong with it.

[450] I can afford.

[451] You stole it from a hotel bar.

[452] Stop lying.

[453] From your hotel bar.

[454] It's not my hotel.

[455] It's just where we put me up.

[456] Well, we'll pay for that.

[457] Feel free.

[458] I hope so.

[459] Take them all.

[460] Come on.

[461] Fill your pillowcase up.

[462] Yeah, hotel bars are very strange.

[463] It's like they just assume we're a drunk.

[464] Yeah.

[465] Well, there's some now on the road where they have their weighted, which is kind of funny.

[466] Oh, right?

[467] You pick it up.

[468] Yeah, once you move it.

[469] You can't even change your mind.

[470] Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can't go, what is that?

[471] Oh, I don't want, fuck.

[472] You get charged for it already, yeah, yeah.

[473] You know, let me try your Buffalo Trace Atkins.

[474] Better, right?

[475] Very nice.

[476] Better, right?

[477] Burns a little bit.

[478] A little better, right?

[479] No, a lot better.

[480] But better.

[481] Oh, do you know.

[482] I can't say it's, you know, the crown is nice people, too.

[483] No, there's nothing wrong with Crown.

[484] No, this is great.

[485] I'm just great.

[486] I'm just love.

[487] Well, Crown gives me free booze, so I've got to be careful.

[488] Oh, do they?

[489] Well, yeah, they used to.

[490] Oh, you have a deal with them until today?

[491] I fucked it up for them.

[492] I think we got a bottle of crown.

[493] We do it.

[494] No, I'm fine.

[495] This is actually, no, this is good.

[496] This is good.

[497] Didn't someone give us a bottle of crown?

[498] I'm just not allowed to say better because they give me crown.

[499] Well, I usually go in the audience and give out shots of crown.

[500] Oh, really?

[501] We used to do before the COVID thing, so I'd go out in the audience and polish off a bottle.

[502] How scared are you about COVID now?

[503] Like, did you travel here?

[504] Did you get nervous?

[505] No. No?

[506] But, I mean, I've been one of these guys from the very beginning.

[507] And God forbid, I do ever get it because I'm not, I don't walk.

[508] in fear.

[509] I just do my thing and I'm in front of people every day.

[510] But I do get tested a lot.

[511] I know you exercise a lot.

[512] You used to be jerked.

[513] I know.

[514] I know.

[515] You used to be giant, man. I was 40 pounds bigger than I am.

[516] Oh my God.

[517] Literally.

[518] What made you get so jacked?

[519] I got the flu and then I just know.

[520] You got me jacked?

[521] Yeah.

[522] I just, well, I'll tell you what I did.

[523] But it was when I got that permanent gig, I had nothing to do all day in Vegas, literally.

[524] So I just started getting pumped.

[525] So I started just going to the gym every day.

[526] Like, I'd go three hours a day, literally.

[527] three hours of lifting yeah well this is again 15 years ago right and i was i just was huge and one day i went to my warehouse to do something it was a picture of something and i was like what the fuck like i'm like i was like 190 i'm like 140 wow this is my this is my original fighting right now i'm at 140 is my it's my that's what you feel leading yeah this is where i grew up born raised 1 35, 140 my whole life and then I went to like 185 people like what Did you have a lot of joint pain All the time?

[528] Everything I was always injured I always always hurt yeah didn't look good on stage It was just it was weird it's like you know People are like what the fuck happened to Karen time They've always said that But that is a thing though when you get really Jacked on stage it becomes a distraction It did yeah it did Gene Simmons of all people came to this Just being so muscular Take away from the That's the worst jean is in person ever All of a sudden, Jim Simmons became like an Englishman from the 80s.

[529] Excuse me. I got a job, it's Gene.

[530] Pardon me?

[531] So I got Gene really good when I'm saying, so this is great.

[532] So he comes back, him's a show, comes backstage.

[533] And he says to me, what do you do to make money besides this?

[534] And I said, what if I got, nothing?

[535] He said, you don't have any of the thing that gives you money.

[536] I said, I don't know.

[537] I do comedy six nights a week, but you don't have another investment of some sort, yes?

[538] He's trying to offer you some.

[539] prostitution work?

[540] Well, no, yeah.

[541] They were real weird.

[542] And Gene, listen, I'm seeing somebody, okay?

[543] But let me try on your platforms.

[544] No, so I, so I, just let me slip on him.

[545] I want teeth on my shoes.

[546] But he says to me, and this is great because I'm being, I'm being like really serious with him, right?

[547] So I said, no, but I did one thing a long time ago.

[548] I wrote a jingle.

[549] It was the jingle.

[550] And I said, it's a buy menon.

[551] And he says, I'm not following you.

[552] I said, remember the commercial by menon?

[553] And he goes, that was you.

[554] And I said, yeah.

[555] He says, get the fuck.

[556] I said, no. I said, my friend has a had an organ in my garage.

[557] He left there.

[558] And we were out fucking around.

[559] And that by menon thing had a campaign that said come up with a jingle.

[560] So we came up with it.

[561] It wasn't even funny.

[562] It was just by menon.

[563] And we sent it to the menon, whatever.

[564] Was it?

[565] Do you know whatever the fuck?

[566] Yep.

[567] And he says, wait a second.

[568] So that's, you're making this up.

[569] I said, no. He's how much do they pay for that?

[570] I said, I'm still, I still get money for it.

[571] I said, it was amazing, but it was just kind of a fluke.

[572] I said, we tried to come up with other things.

[573] And he's looking to me like, that is just unremarkable.

[574] And I said, yes.

[575] The impression of Jesus is so bad.

[576] And then he said, I said, and see, that's great.

[577] And I said, anything else?

[578] I said, well, I came up with now with Retson.

[579] And he says, what are you talking about?

[580] about.

[581] I said, with Retson, remember the Sertz?

[582] And he goes, you're fucking me. I said, yes.

[583] He goes, but the Mennon thing, I said, no, it's all bullshit.

[584] He lost his, he lost his shit.

[585] He was like, God damn, and I sat there for 20 minutes and believing he came up with by Mennon and Retson.

[586] I said, no, I never, but I got him good on his show because I did, I did the, when he had it at his house, that, that, uh.

[587] Oh, the reality show he had, yeah.

[588] So family jewels.

[589] He first met him.

[590] I go, Family Jewels, and I go, and he says, my impression, you want to see my warehouse.

[591] And I said, sure.

[592] So it takes me to this huge wing of his house.

[593] I mean, literally, it's probably the size of Walmart.

[594] It's full.

[595] And he says to me, I've got, I've got everything.

[596] I ask.

[597] I said, well, of course you have a kiss condom.

[598] I mean, he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[599] He has kissed coffins.

[600] We have kissed everything, you know.

[601] And I said, I said, we're on, we're live, or they're filming me with him.

[602] And I said, towards the end, I said, he said, well, thank you for dropping by.

[603] And I said, I don't want to, this is going to come across completely fucking wrong.

[604] I said, don't take this the wrong way.

[605] And he says, what?

[606] I said, you're going to take this the wrong way.

[607] And he says, what?

[608] I said, I've never heard of this, your band.

[609] I said, you must have done well, but I've never heard of kiss.

[610] And he says, it's like a. really weird but he goes you've never heard a kiss I said no I see I knew you take it the wrong way I said I just I mean look at all this holy fuck I've never heard kiss are you guys how long have you guys been a band and he looked at me like he's gonna fucking kill me and I said I know Hanson I know Hanson and he's this is when they were hitting it big you know I said I know Hansen right and he goes you fuck of me I said no I don't I never heard of kiss and I thought I'm fucking with you come on And then I got him again, by men, by men.

[611] And he was serious?

[612] He, like, he really believed you?

[613] Oh, yeah, no. He was like...

[614] Well, some people...

[615] Someone had to have heard of kiss, yes?

[616] This fucking exit!

[617] The thing about, like, Hollywood people is there are people who will pretend they don't know who you are, even if they do.

[618] Right, right, right, right.

[619] I had that with Nicole Kidman, you know, she didn't know it.

[620] Did she really?

[621] Yeah.

[622] I have to put in my show.

[623] It's a clip of her going, who's carrot top?

[624] Yeah.

[625] Well, she's from Australia.

[626] Maybe she really didn't know.

[627] But I met her three times with her husband, so I know he was...

[628] Hey, how you doing, buddy?

[629] Hey, Caratop.

[630] And then I went over her, and she was like, oh, this guy.

[631] Do you think she did that on purpose?

[632] I don't know, but she did it like three times.

[633] So I just put it in the, it's a clip of her on the red carpet going, and this carrot top.

[634] People do do that, though.

[635] It's like, it's like a clout thing.

[636] Like they're like knocked you down.

[637] Al Franken, okay, so, no, now Al Franken, I did comic relief with him, right?

[638] It was like everybody was there.

[639] Rob Williams and then it would be go over.

[640] So Al Franken and I are back in the wings there waiting to go on, and he couldn't have been nicer.

[641] He was like, wow, I love your act.

[642] I love, you know.

[643] And I was like, that's cool.

[644] So I go to Gary Shandling's funeral in L .A. And again, everybody was there.

[645] I mean, you talk about, my God, everyone in show business was that Gary Finley's funeral.

[646] So I see Senator then, right, Al Franken.

[647] I make my way over to him.

[648] I said, hey, Al, it's been a while.

[649] you know wow you're senator now fuck i mean from a comedian to senator or whatever i made and he goes he looked at me he says i'm sorry we we know each other i said it's carotop he's like sorry i said carrotop and he goes i i i'm sorry i don't know i said you don't know carotop and he goes i don't i said you don't know who caretop is it was the weirdest thing because like i'm standing there with like the best of i mean like i think i was standing there with um what's the from defending your life albert brooks right and and he just says that and I look over at Albert Brooks and I say he says he's just being a cut and I said I think so or maybe he just doesn't remember meeting me maybe when he became a son or he says no you're in comedy he knows who you are he's just being in it and then I said well you know you fuck with me one time and he said Albert Brooks fucked with me yeah that's an honor well it is on the tonight show right yeah it is an honor it is right seriously the fact that he said care top maybe so he was on the tonight show with um I think Johnny and he said And he used to do these spinning, when he did, he, believe it or not, used to do props.

[650] Oh, really?

[651] Albert Brooks did?

[652] Well, back in the, he did a skin tonight with spinning plates.

[653] And so he sits down and he starts saying, you know, I feel, you know, I think I'm here.

[654] He said, you know, I feel bad for someone like Caratop.

[655] If American Airlines lost his luggage, you wouldn't have an act.

[656] Everybody laughs.

[657] And I'm thinking, well, not only is that accurate, but it's just to dig at me because it's like if the rolling.

[658] Stone's luggage was lost they wouldn't put on a show right so it's like my it's my shit well there's a thing there's a time he goes I'm sorry I heard your feelings I think you just trying to be funny you know whatever's out there you take a swing at it but there's a thing that for whatever reason if you need something on stage like if you're a guitar comic there was always a thing about guitar comics like Mitsy shore you used to get mad at guitar comics she go you're not gonna go on stage with the guitar tonight she would tell guys and then they would go on stage with no guitar and bomb oh yes because like you know you get that's your comfort yeah that's your thing if they told me i couldn't bring my my my walker with a dildo on it i wouldn't go i would not i would not go on but it's one of those things you'll see in march with your i will i'm coming yeah that's like this is your act man your fucking act is you bring stuff like but this purest thing of comedy is it's always bothered me i don't know why it's just like i don't care if you sing.

[659] I don't care if you have props.

[660] I don't care.

[661] Why does that affect me?

[662] I don't understand that whole concept, just in a broad sense of the idea of, let's just say, music.

[663] So if you're in your car and you're listening to music and you, if you hit the country station and you're listening to country station and then you go, oh, country, and then you have rock and then you have jazz and you have this and you have hard rock, you have metal, there's choices there.

[664] So it's kind of fun.

[665] Like you have something when I was on the road, I was listening to country music for two hours.

[666] I'm like, you know, now I want to some Metallica.

[667] Yeah, mix it up.

[668] So, same with comedy.

[669] Why can't you have, we can have a Dennis Miller, and you can have a Joe Rogan, you can have a Caratop and you can have a Caratop and you can have a Caratop and you can have a carotop.

[670] And you can have to, right?

[671] People need to, like, just let other people have different tastes.

[672] Yeah, well, we do anyhow, exactly.

[673] So people that don't want to go to Caratop show, don't go.

[674] Right.

[675] You don't have to go.

[676] You don't have to go.

[677] You don't have to go.

[678] I do have to go to the Carat Show.

[679] You have to, six days a week.

[680] But there's this thing, it's like, come on, folks.

[681] There's lots of stuff to be upset about Like being upset about different tastes Other than yours You know like look my kids love I love my kids but they love music that I fucking hate They want to listen to like mumble rap in the car I'm like shut that shit off Not all mumble rap is bad But I mean some of the stuff It's not even mumble rap I should say It's like whatever it is I'm an old man That's why I sold my kids I got rid of them How much you get?

[682] Not much I should have She should have left for a while.

[683] It's a market thing.

[684] It's like Bitcoin.

[685] You don't want to get out early.

[686] It's a long -haul thing.

[687] So, yeah, my Elvis shirt, I've got to find you one of these.

[688] Yeah, dude, I have an obsession with Elvis during that time period.

[689] Drug days.

[690] Well, it's the pill days, and one of the reasons why I have this obsession is because it's a fame thing.

[691] And, I mean, I'm sure you can relate to this.

[692] Fame is a fucking strange drug in and of itself.

[693] And I believe that Elvis was the first guy to take a heroic dose of fame You know like Hicks always used to talk about or Terrence McKenna and then Hicks used to quote it But heroic doses of mushrooms There's a heroic dose of fame like what Michael Jackson took he took the most heroic dose of fame But you're right Elvis might have been the first one of I mean there was some other guys but but you're right Yes that where he really was beyond superstar It's not good for you there's a there's a great I wouldn't say Well, this is a documentary, or it might have been a two -part thing on HBO, I think it is, or Netflix.

[694] Do you smoke weed, Caratop?

[695] I will with you.

[696] Okay.

[697] I have bad lungs, but, you know, I'll smoke.

[698] Great.

[699] This is when the whole podcast goes to shit.

[700] Caratop gets high.

[701] I heard this is good for your lungs.

[702] Is it?

[703] Yeah, I heard it's good.

[704] I don't have any sponsors that might get upset if I. Crown and weed goes together.

[705] Great.

[706] That's what I heard.

[707] So, I haven't been high in fucking 20 years.

[708] Well, good.

[709] I don't do drugs.

[710] Well, let's just keep it right there.

[711] But I got to remind me you to tell my Hick story, and then also Elvis, so there's a documentary, and there's a really touching sad scene that you just brought up to me in the documentary.

[712] He goes on stage, and this is right with his really big, bloated days.

[713] Yeah, those are my favorite days.

[714] And there's, well, it's kind of saying he's sweating and he's overweight.

[715] Still killing it.

[716] And they're interviewing him and they say, do you, you look, you don't look good or something.

[717] No, they really honestly say this, like the reporter says, you look like shit.

[718] And he says, I'm sorry.

[719] And they're like, yeah, you just, you know, what happened?

[720] And you can see it.

[721] And he's seen his face.

[722] And he literally takes a moment.

[723] He says, I'm sorry.

[724] I don't live up to what you wanted me to look like.

[725] I'm doing my best.

[726] And then he just kind of walks off like in tears.

[727] Really?

[728] Yeah.

[729] Let's find that.

[730] Yeah.

[731] I think it's in the Elvis.

[732] I mean, it's a two hour or two, four, two part thing.

[733] So Bill Hicks, this is, uh...

[734] But before we get to Bill Hicks, it's like, no one was like that before him.

[735] Like, there was no kind of star of that magnitude.

[736] It didn't exist.

[737] And literally, and like Michael Jackson took...

[738] There was always stars, right?

[739] There was always, you know, there was Little Richard and Chubby Checker, and there was always, like, Buddy Holly.

[740] But not of that...

[741] No. It's a different kind of star.

[742] Agreed.

[743] I'll say that to people, like, go, wow, you know, you recognize that.

[744] I said, I'm recognized in the lineup.

[745] I'm not like a famous person.

[746] They go, uh, like somebody last night said, you're red, right?

[747] You're red.

[748] Red.

[749] I said, yes, red, orange, you know.

[750] You're the red.

[751] Red top?

[752] Yes, red top.

[753] But it's, that's probably better.

[754] Yeah, yeah.

[755] It's sustainable.

[756] I mean, you make a good living.

[757] You have a lot of people who love you.

[758] Yeah, exactly.

[759] You're better off that way than getting to that.

[760] Elvis definitely had a hard, I mean, and people always say, well, come on.

[761] How hard you'd be, you know, that...

[762] Did it be that famous?

[763] Fuck, who knows?

[764] No one understands it.

[765] There's no one who understands it other than the people that get there.

[766] It's not possible.

[767] Yeah.

[768] It's not possible to understand it.

[769] You could take a guess and you could say, oh, but he has so much money.

[770] Let me tell you something about money, kids.

[771] Once you get past a certain amount, it doesn't feel like anything different.

[772] Like, I had an apartment once when I first moved to Hollywood and I just got on television and I was on news radio and I was on the sitcom and I got this nice place and it had a loft and I had a pool table and I was like look at this apartment I would walk in the apartment I would go fuck this is my apartment this is crazy and I would look around it I go this is I can't believe I actually live here and then I got accustomed to it and then I realized one day I was like sitting on the floor and I was like oh this is how everything is like once you get used to it then it's just a house right like your house it's like all your house needs to do is be comfortable and safe and you need to have like a nice place to go to bed, a nice place to fix your meals, and whatever else you're into.

[773] After you get past that, it's just a house.

[774] And, you know, Brian Cowell said this to me once, and it's like one of the smartest things that anybody ever said to me. He said, all you want as far as money, you want to have enough money so you can go to dinner and not worry about what things cost.

[775] And, like, that's a brilliant thing to say because he's, like, simple in that regard.

[776] Like, he, that's what he, you know.

[777] I don't have any, besides my cockering, I don't have any jewelry, no jewelry on.

[778] People always say to me too Like you're dressed like a homeless guy I'm like any day could be So you might don't just be ready for it Have the clothes for it By the way that's great weed That's not bad right I only took one like you saw right One little hit Like one little I wouldn't even know It's like And now And there's like three Joe Rogans Here in front of me So I tell you my Bill Hicks Yeah All right only because this is It started out where Another people are ripping on me So Bill Hicks bit Which one is it?

[779] The one about you?

[780] Yeah Yeah, that's what I say first.

[781] So Bill Hicks says they're draining lakes and putting in bleachers to see Caratop.

[782] Yeah.

[783] Which is a great.

[784] It's a great line.

[785] That's a great line.

[786] It is a great line.

[787] And here I am.

[788] Fucking 20 people and they're draining lakes and putting in bleachers to see fucking Caratop.

[789] So I'm thinking, you know, I'm just thinking, oh, another hater, right?

[790] So I'm, you know, I'm playing in West Palm Beach at the Comedy Corner, which was the club.

[791] But when I wanted to, when I started, it was like, I went there to audition.

[792] and all of a sudden I'm headlining this club and Colleen McGar was dating Bill Hicks at the time and so he was sick that was when he had cancer yeah and so I all I said to her was she said something about I didn't know he was even there I just knew she was dating him and I said it was like between shows and I said could you just pass on to Bill Hicks and you know I hope I didn't he doesn't hate me and she said you're such a great show I said yeah tell Bill pass if you call him later tell him that I hope he didn't his and hate me and I just you know I'm a huge fan and the year I won Best Comedian he was in the he was in the running so it was like I almost was like you know the fact that I won pissed everybody off because you got Bill Hicks what was the award Don American Comedy Awards yeah Don Marrera Bill Hicks me and two others so I don't forget now, but remember this too, and what's her name from Atlanta, the tall blonde, she brings me up.

[793] She says, the winner is carrot top.

[794] And I go up and it's, well, I mean, she's kind of like, you know, whatever, Brett Butler.

[795] And so I go up and I, you know, I accept it.

[796] And it was just, it was almost like, I wish I hadn't won because it was like, you know, I wanted Bill Hicks to win.

[797] Yeah.

[798] So anyway, I set up my show for the.

[799] the second show and Colleen says come with me real quick I want to tell you something so she walks me in the hallway and who's standing in front of me Bill Hicks and it was like maybe a couple weeks before he had passed and he was really sick and I remember really thin and he had like it was it was it was just weird and the stended belly yeah and just I mean green and it was just and it just but it's bill hicks and i was like and he says to me i don't fucking hate you dude and i said oh god she must have gone told him and he's staying at the house behind the condo where the club is and i said oh uh what did you want you to come down here and the you know you're you shouldn't be getting out of bed to come say that he says no i wanted to come clear the fucking you and i we're cool you do you do and you do fucking do man you kill it you hear me you keep doing what you do and he gave me a hug and he and then i went and i had probably the best show if i ever had because, you know, Bill Hicks gave me the blessings.

[800] Oh, that's nice.

[801] That's nice.

[802] That's what the world needs, man. The world needs communication.

[803] You know?

[804] What a sweet that was, so he didn't have to come down and say hi to me. And he's a comic and he's like, you know what, I was just being, I was just being, you know, I was just making, like you said, I was just, I was just making fun of you.

[805] Yeah.

[806] I don't hate you.

[807] I would just, you know.

[808] Well, you know what, there's people that, they don't mean harm.

[809] They just mean to get laughs and they're saying something that's funny.

[810] And look, I have good friends that do it to me all the time, you know, Tim Dillon mocks me fucking almost every day.

[811] I don't think that the, I think the problem is this happens outside, away from each other, and you don't talk about it.

[812] You're not together.

[813] You know, like, this is the problem with society.

[814] It's like, it's, it's, it's, there's a comparison that can be made to what, what, what, the problem we have in society.

[815] Like, people.

[816] communicating with each other, you know, like on social media.

[817] Instead of communicating with each other, communicating at or about each other.

[818] Sure.

[819] How about when you text somebody and it goes through, because we're comics and so it's like sarcasm doesn't fly in text.

[820] How great is that?

[821] I'll say something like, I thought you'd never leave.

[822] And then he's like, dude, what?

[823] I'm like, I'm kidding.

[824] Like, it was a joke.

[825] Like, I'm just kidding with you.

[826] I, you know.

[827] I have a few groups of friends.

[828] We say horrible things to each other all the time.

[829] But they get it.

[830] We love each other.

[831] Right.

[832] But as long as they get it, you send a text someone they don't, get it then you're like yeah I was no it was a joke yes exactly but it's you know a lot is lot you have to look at things you can have like the least charitable interpretation of something and it's always going to cause a problem but I think part of the problem is that people don't spend enough time one -on -one talking you know I mean even that that back on the day before social media that was always an issue if you heard someone said something about you you know like someone said to someone else and then someone else comes to you a hey man fucking bob was talking some shit about you and then you go to Bob and Bob's like that's not one of a man it's like I was fucking upset because my girlfriend broke up with me or my car broke down or whatever you know it's like communication one -on -one is the only way that human beings are really supposed to be talking to each other and all that other stuff is just a mess and all this interpretation and then what I do is talk shit on podcasts for hours and hours of time I forget what I'm saying and then someone will say something 10 years ago you said this that's not really what I said.

[833] Like, you've got to listen to the whole thing.

[834] Right.

[835] Yeah, I don't hate you or I'm not mad at you or this.

[836] Come on, man. We're friends.

[837] You said that about Florida.

[838] You said they should build a wall around.

[839] Yes.

[840] So they just saw it off and tell us to the Russians.

[841] I love Florida.

[842] I love Florida because it's wild.

[843] I like that.

[844] My fucking sister lives there.

[845] My sister lives there.

[846] I love Florida.

[847] Florida is a wild -ass place.

[848] It is fun.

[849] And I love how Florida responded to the pandemic.

[850] A lot of people think it's irresponsible.

[851] But I don't.

[852] But it's not, though.

[853] And if you look because the numbers in Florida, they're the lowest.

[854] Well, not anymore.

[855] Not right now.

[856] I mean, an hour ago.

[857] Well, here's the thing.

[858] I saw a lot of these politicians that were shitting on Florida because of the number of cases that Florida had.

[859] And what they didn't realize is that New York City has tens of thousands more than Florida.

[860] Right, right, right.

[861] Or New York.

[862] So, which is mostly New York City.

[863] But it's not, there's nothing wrong with Florida.

[864] But there is something wrong with wanting everyone to behave and think the way you do.

[865] Right.

[866] And if Florida, what they did, if you look at it in terms of like the economic cost, if you look at it in terms of loss of life, and if you look at the terms of cases, you can make a really good argument that they did the right thing.

[867] As Gene Sim would say, it was a pretty good run there, kid.

[868] Pretty good run.

[869] What's the, now you've got a new impression.

[870] Yeah, that's not even what I did earlier.

[871] It's a pretty good judge.

[872] I think Gene Simmons talks like this.

[873] That's more, yes.

[874] I wanted to tell you how Gene talks.

[875] There you go.

[876] That is definitely more.

[877] What is mine?

[878] Mine is like that.

[879] It's terrible.

[880] It's terrible.

[881] I didn't want a shit on you by doing mine.

[882] He's trying to do a ringo star impression.

[883] I did the guy's like, what the hell?

[884] I did a New Year's show once at the improv, and Gene Simmons and his whole family came to see, and I was fucking legitimately starstruck.

[885] I was like, oh shit.

[886] There's only been a couple of times in my life where I was like full on starstruck.

[887] Yeah.

[888] Yeah.

[889] Willie Dee from the ghetto boys, full on starstruck.

[890] Because I was a giant ghetto boys fan when I was a kid.

[891] If I'm sure if I'll ever meet ice tea I'll be full on Starstruck Ice Cube Ice tea I think lives in Vegas Does he?

[892] Yeah He's doing that show I think he probably has a place there He did because I would go to like Vons And they say hey you just miss iced tea And I'm like oh crap Well Ice T can live where the fucking Flav A Flav lives in Vegas He's been on that Dick Wolf show For like a hundred years He's probably got a fucking billion dollars in the bank Like Ice T's been on law and order For I want to say 25 years Yeah yeah at least You know, and that's like syndication money.

[893] Yeah, yeah.

[894] Because, you know.

[895] Yeah.

[896] And it's like, I didn't have a syndication money.

[897] Those are those shows that air around the world, too.

[898] Yeah.

[899] You know?

[900] That's a lot of money.

[901] They make a lot of money.

[902] I had Queen came to the show.

[903] That was pretty.

[904] Wow.

[905] Really?

[906] Yeah.

[907] That's the only full -on Starstruck where, like, weird.

[908] The full band?

[909] Not Freddy.

[910] It was after Freddy died?

[911] It was, yeah.

[912] When did Freddie die?

[913] I want to say he died in 94?

[914] It was the 90s?

[915] Will you...

[916] Am I right?

[917] I should know that.

[918] I'm a huge queen fan.

[919] Yeah.

[920] But, um...

[921] So, uh...

[922] 91.

[923] 991.

[924] Yeah.

[925] I was 94, sorry, 91.

[926] Um...

[927] You want to talk about a rare talent.

[928] Oh, no, there's no one like...

[929] There's no front man. I don't think that, that, that, that, if you go back and watch those things, holy shit.

[930] Well, he was just different than all of them.

[931] And he was, but in so, not only just, but forget the flint, just, he was so good.

[932] Yeah.

[933] He would just work that.

[934] crowd like I mean I think about that almost every night when I go on stage you got to give it every every fucking scent of your you leave exhausted but queen came and so it's like it was weird they're like Queens uh Roger Taylor was coming to the show first first time it was Roger Taylor and I said um Roger Taylor I know it's like the drummer from Queen and he's fucking not coming to my show and they said yeah he's coming to your show oh no well it's funny I They told me after, so I didn't, I wasn't, I wasn't, I didn't think, I didn't know he was out there.

[935] So after they said, Roger Taylor wants to come back and say hi.

[936] So anyway, he comes back and he's like, he was just hoping my Roger Taylor impression is going to like this.

[937] But he's like, Scott, that was just, that was unbelievable, yeah.

[938] I mean, just, what the, so, you know, so nice, he says something to me, like, you know, take a picture of my crew and me and all that.

[939] And I said, you know, I'm actually.

[940] going to go to London with my girlfriend years ago and he said oh you must stay at the house yeah and I'm like you know how people do of course you're not going to do that so then I'll say he's my number scott you know give me a call so I literally were going to London so I just said hey listen we'll meet for a drink he said no no I mean she must stay at the house I said no I'm not going to stay the house we're going to get an hotel but we'd like to meet you for a drink at least so we go to Stonehenge and my girlfriend is like on her deathbed I mean literally just like I don't know she was just that sick or didn't want to look at rocks She's like, I'm with her.

[941] I'm like, you know what?

[942] I don't feel so good either.

[943] It's a fucking stonehand.

[944] It doesn't make any sense to me. So we said, I got to go to Rogers now.

[945] So I call him and I said, hey, you know, we're like 30 minutes.

[946] When's Surrey, yeah?

[947] So I'm like, we're not going to one of your stupid friend's house.

[948] I have to go back to go to sleep.

[949] I'm dying.

[950] And so I said, we have to go.

[951] It's Roger fucking Taylor, right?

[952] So this whole thing, she has no clue in her brain.

[953] She has no clue.

[954] Like, doesn't get grass.

[955] Isn't it funny that back then, too, if you were sick, you would go visit people still?

[956] Right.

[957] And no one would free.

[958] Right, right.

[959] True.

[960] We brought in all this illness.

[961] It was just, it's fine.

[962] I had to just stay in the car.

[963] Just stay in the fucking car.

[964] I'm going to go.

[965] So we get there and you're right.

[966] So they, so we don't feel, you're right, that's really weird.

[967] It's crazy.

[968] So we get there and it's not only it's a castle, it's like downtown abbey, it's fucking crazy, right?

[969] So my girlfriend's looking at me like, who is, it's fucking queen.

[970] It's like, it's like, it's fucking queen.

[971] She didn't know queen was, but she didn't grasp its queen.

[972] It's like we will, you know, but it's everything.

[973] It's like they're building.

[974] Millionaires.

[975] She doesn't understand this.

[976] And this beautiful, beautiful, beautiful countryside house.

[977] And I said, castle.

[978] So anyway, they give her tea.

[979] Da -da -da -da.

[980] Here's where it gets good.

[981] So she looks at me like, we really have to go.

[982] And it was just unbelievable in his house.

[983] And then Roger says, it's in my studio.

[984] And I just know I look at her.

[985] She's going to be like, fucking kill you, right?

[986] Right.

[987] And I say, we got to go to see the studio.

[988] So they take us upstairs.

[989] And we walk by all this, you know, Queen.

[990] records, gold shit records, the whole fucking house, just records of records.

[991] And I said, oh, wow, Killers Live, that was my favorite album.

[992] Go up in the studio, every drum set.

[993] I'm not making this up.

[994] It had, like, and set up, like, that was from that album, that was from Live Aid.

[995] This was, and I'm, like, losing my shit, right?

[996] And my girlfriend says, wow, you really like drums.

[997] On my life, God strike me dead.

[998] If she was sitting right here, she goes, I don't know.

[999] And I literally was like losing my shit, right?

[1000] So I looked back and Roger's like, I'm sorry, what?

[1001] I said, she likes your drums.

[1002] Because he's deaf from playing drums.

[1003] You're saying, thank God.

[1004] Since then, I've told him, by the way, she said she likes your, you must like drums.

[1005] But it was one of the, and so anyway, they meet us at the hotel bar that night.

[1006] And what does he bring for a guest?

[1007] He was there for my birthday.

[1008] What do you think he brings me to the bar?

[1009] Drumsticks?

[1010] No, that fucking Killers Queen gold album.

[1011] No. How cool is he?

[1012] No. And I went, oh, no, Roger, I can't, I can't accept this.

[1013] And he says, well, this fuck you must.

[1014] I go, no, I can't.

[1015] And I said, you know, like, you know, I only have a hundred more of these, right?

[1016] And he's like, no, I'm not taking this one.

[1017] It was like presented to Roger Taylor.

[1018] So I took it.

[1019] Wow.

[1020] I had to take it.

[1021] Wow.

[1022] But that was the, that would maybe the coolest.

[1023] And since then they've come, like Brian May and them have come to, they've all come through.

[1024] And they can't be nicer and sweeter and bigger fans like, You know, Brian May is just like, because being, it's weird coming from like someone, they're beyond, you know, fucking magical rock stars.

[1025] Yeah.

[1026] They think what we do is like, you know, like, how the fuck do you tell a joke?

[1027] Like, they don't get it.

[1028] So it's cool.

[1029] Well, it's for regular people.

[1030] It's like everything else, though, right?

[1031] That's, I mean, I can kind of imagine what it would be like playing drums in front of a large audience.

[1032] If I started playing drums and then started playing drums in a local band, started doing gigs.

[1033] and then eventually moved up.

[1034] Same, same.

[1035] It's like everything.

[1036] Incremental.

[1037] You'll be a lawyer being a rocket assigned, being strapped in the shuttle.

[1038] Like, what the fuck?

[1039] When they rehearsed, they practiced.

[1040] Well, that's why it's fascinating to watch people do something that you don't do at all.

[1041] That's one of the reasons why I love music.

[1042] I love watching musicians, because I don't know how, I can't play anything.

[1043] Same, same.

[1044] Yeah, so it's fascinating.

[1045] I like when I used to go to the launches and I'd see these astronauts and they take into the, because my dad worked, they'd take into the, like, the cockpit and shit.

[1046] Yeah.

[1047] You sit in these, and you're like, there's 5 ,000 switches and you're like, do they know, they go, yeah, they know every switch does.

[1048] I'm like, yeah, that's going to, don't, not that one, you know.

[1049] But it's like everything in life, right?

[1050] Especially when you take it to the first extreme.

[1051] It's like there's levels and levels to everything.

[1052] It's one of the things that's most fascinating about being a person is like you can pick a path.

[1053] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1054] And get into whatever it is that you really love to.

[1055] I always tell you young kids, you know, pick something you want.

[1056] I hate people who come and say, I want to be famous.

[1057] Like, what does that mean?

[1058] You don't be famous.

[1059] You want to do something that you enjoy, right?

[1060] Yeah.

[1061] Your passion.

[1062] Your money will follow.

[1063] Maybe.

[1064] True.

[1065] I don't know what it is.

[1066] But it's not, forget that.

[1067] Forget money.

[1068] That's funny.

[1069] Maybe.

[1070] No, but I mean.

[1071] You might starve to death.

[1072] Yes, you might.

[1073] You might just really.

[1074] But you want to, you might starve of death doing something you enjoy.

[1075] Well, it's, you know.

[1076] I'm going to go to a job that you hate going to every day.

[1077] What the fuck?

[1078] Why do it?

[1079] It's like telling the antelopes when you see the lion run.

[1080] Right.

[1081] And you'll be okay.

[1082] Well, maybe.

[1083] Maybe you'll be the one that they eat and that everybody else would be okay.

[1084] I mean, that's the reality of life is, it's not guaranteed.

[1085] And there's a lot of people that follow their dreams and they wind up broken, man. I mean, I've known that, I'm sure you know that in comedy.

[1086] I mean, how many guys do you know that you started out with?

[1087] that kind of had potential.

[1088] Yeah, a lot.

[1089] Well, there's a lot funnier guys than me. I got very lucky, and the timing of when everything hit and what I did, you know, I mean, like, I couldn't imagine if I was starting now where I don't even know if there's any comedy shows on TV anymore.

[1090] I mean, like, like, well, I mean, it's like Netflix.

[1091] It's like Netflix is basically it.

[1092] That's it, so I'm saying.

[1093] So if Netflix is going to do, do it.

[1094] I used to be able to do Comic Street Blive and evening at the improv and the Tonight Show, and Conan and all those shows, the late night shows.

[1095] That's where you got your...

[1096] Do they still have unknown comics on, like The Tonight Show?

[1097] I don't think that...

[1098] No?

[1099] I don't think any late -night show puts on comics anymore.

[1100] Really?

[1101] Unless you're selling a book or doing something, you know?

[1102] I used to do the Tonight Show like every month.

[1103] I would call Jay.

[1104] What's that?

[1105] That's my...

[1106] That's better than Gene Simmons.

[1107] That makes more sense.

[1108] So, it's crazy.

[1109] So I used to show all the time, in fact, one time we were doing it, and I remember I had to go back and do a show in Vegas, so I did the show.

[1110] I think it was like, it might even been like New Year's Eve.

[1111] And he says, I said, I go back to Vegas.

[1112] He said, I'm going back to Vegas tonight too.

[1113] And I said, oh, are you in Southwest?

[1114] He goes, yeah, yeah, I'm in Southwest.

[1115] I said, I literally had my ticket.

[1116] I said, no, do you want to go with me in my jet.

[1117] And I said, when he goes right after the show i have a show i've been so nice and those goes together so me and my assistant and jay get on the jet his jet and we're flying into Vegas and i'm thinking this is one of those moments you just kind of like take he's he's dead asleep mouth wide of it i'm thinking the whole time i'm so te want to throw a peanut in this man you know me it's just like j leno his head's this big right right just like big big head and you're just like i'm staring at him and he has like he has a thing like carrot top written on his in his briefcase because i guess it was something about...

[1118] He had a folder?

[1119] The folder.

[1120] I said, Caratop on it, but I guess it was just to, I don't know, to remind him that I'm on the jet with him or whatever.

[1121] I don't know.

[1122] I just said, but I'm looking at my assistant.

[1123] Look, I said, this is a moment we just take in.

[1124] We're on a private jet with fucking Jay Leno.

[1125] He's passed out, and it's really bad weather.

[1126] We're just, we're bouncing around, like, so bad, right?

[1127] And it's getting really bad.

[1128] So I'm holding on to the things like, oh, fuck, is it really don't like this?

[1129] And we hit some really bad air pockets, and he's just...

[1130] He literally just Yeah, that's crazy And he's having a dream And nothing So, he wakes up, he looks over And I'm like, I'm like, oh God He's like, hey, I said, no, I'm really not, Jay This is, fuck, if I, he goes, He'd say, think, though He says, if we go down and we die And then the newspaper's going to say Jay Leno dies with two unknowns I'm like, well, you know, fucker, I was just on your show, I'm known Yeah He really said that?

[1131] Yeah, how rude Yeah, rude That's a little fucking He was just being funny cock waved on you.

[1132] Jay Leno goes down with two unknowns.

[1133] How rude.

[1134] I think I said something like, well, I could have done Letterman.

[1135] I would have been known, but I did your show.

[1136] Jay Leno is so much better on his car show than anything else he's ever done.

[1137] Yeah.

[1138] Yeah.

[1139] I asked to be on, because I've done the show with him soon and I said, can I be on the car show?

[1140] I didn't know you like cars.

[1141] I said, I don't have to like cars.

[1142] I can still be on your show and make it.

[1143] Let me be on your show What kind of car do you have?

[1144] I said I just have one He's like one I said yeah I have a G wagon That's all I got He's like well that's not I said no I'll be in one of the I'll come out of the trunk With my props It'll make it funny We have to know a little bit of a car I know a little bit about a car I mean I know the hood is there And it'd be fun He's like yeah Yeah I really It's not that kind of show Yeah It's the kind of show For someone who's obsessed with cars Like I'm a car freak so for me it's like okay so you probably yeah I'm not a car it's like if I had you on an I mean I like cars if I had you on an MMA show do you know anything about UFC yeah a lot well I know I know I know I know what's this right Dana oh that guy you see what I'm saying like if I had an MMA show and I wanted to talk about possible matchups and I had you on right right you really wouldn't know I would say that guy he looks mean he looks scary yeah hook him up well I went to a match This is funny in Vegas, and this is not a joke.

[1145] So I go to this, they put me right in the front of the chain, right?

[1146] Yeah, the cage.

[1147] Cage.

[1148] So, you know, already would have been horrible on your, a thing where the contest takes place in.

[1149] The thing where the cage, right?

[1150] So you know a lot about this, right?

[1151] I know enough.

[1152] So I'm right there, and this guy's getting, I mean, badly beaten.

[1153] He couldn't get up, and the guy's just, and I'm right this close to, like, holding on the fence.

[1154] And his face is like, bam, bam, bam, right?

[1155] and he literally is getting, and he opens his eyes, he goes, Caratop.

[1156] Really?

[1157] Oh, my God.

[1158] I go, get up, because I can't.

[1159] Yeah, it's just a great scene.

[1160] Like, dov, do.

[1161] Caratop.

[1162] I said, get up.

[1163] He's like, I can't.

[1164] And I kept saying, don't hurt my friend.

[1165] Hey.

[1166] That's called a lack of focus.

[1167] He's really supposed to be paying attention on the task at hand.

[1168] Well, that's what made him laugh because he just reckoned out of his own.

[1169] That's the guy who pursued his dream and maybe, you know, maybe he's one of them antelopes.

[1170] Yeah, maybe.

[1171] Maybe he's one of them antelopes with a limp.

[1172] That's just part of...

[1173] It's great, though.

[1174] For me, I was like, dude.

[1175] Yeah, fun for you.

[1176] I was on the other side of the fence.

[1177] Yeah.

[1178] But then I kept me telling the other guy, just leave him alone.

[1179] He's my friend.

[1180] He knows me. I don't think you listened, right?

[1181] Yeah, it doesn't work that way.

[1182] No. So people that have never been to it live before are stunned.

[1183] The energy and also the fact...

[1184] It's so different when there's no commentary because you're kind of like watching it lay out in your head and you hear what is he doing right who's winning you hear like stuff like that for people in the audience yeah you definitely right though you'd have to have commentary well not not necessarily because like some fights you just see what's happening you know what's going you just hear the pounding yeah you see people getting just just that sound yeah yeah yeah there's a lot of that it's like that with NASCAR too I had to do I got in with NASCAR with when I was doing some AT &T commercial shit back in the day and so I you know they said you got to go to a Caledega or whatever, Daytona thing.

[1185] So I said, okay, I grew up in Florida, but never been to a race.

[1186] And you go to that, and you're like, holy shit.

[1187] Yeah.

[1188] Well, not just that, but it's like so smart.

[1189] It's like, you know, and people make fun of NASCAR.

[1190] It's like they're dumb, they're idiots.

[1191] Not only do they all come in their private jets, but the calculations and the people and the number crunching and the shit happening during the whole race, that's unbelievable.

[1192] I take a quarter pressure, quarter thing, and then lead, pull that down and just crank one.

[1193] It's like, you just leave there going, Fuck, these guys are brilliant.

[1194] Yeah, there's a lot of engineering involved.

[1195] Engineering.

[1196] There's a lot of money involved.

[1197] Whenever there's a lot of money, those pit crews.

[1198] Yeah, their brain.

[1199] But it's funny how people think of NASCAR is dumb, these dumbs.

[1200] And then you look and you're like, this is completely smart.

[1201] It is, but the thing about that drives people nuts is that it's a circle.

[1202] That's true.

[1203] Just going around.

[1204] I used to be one of my jokes in my show.

[1205] I said, Danica Patrick, she had her blink around the whole time.

[1206] Some stupid joke I guess I think she had her blink around the whole time.

[1207] Well, they should make half the goods go the other way.

[1208] That would be fun.

[1209] Yeah, have half cars that way and half cars go that way.

[1210] Right.

[1211] That would be fun.

[1212] Yeah, it would be fun.

[1213] Jesus Christ, that would be wild.

[1214] You might have just created a new sport.

[1215] There you go.

[1216] That would be fun, right?

[1217] Fuck, yeah.

[1218] Half the cars start up that way, and then they go and go.

[1219] They would have to make the cars much more protected.

[1220] But if they did that.

[1221] Well, you just make them like a ramp, and that way, that was one of my first props I ever rode.

[1222] Dennis Miller, by the way.

[1223] Can I tell you my Dennis Miller thing?

[1224] No. Okay.

[1225] please so I was I was performing it this is one of my that goes back to like weird shit so I was performing I only had like 15 minutes maybe tops one trunk of stuff and um and that's how I actually funny enough I used to say God if I just build more shit I could I could do more time so if I had more shit I could headline so I had like one trunk it was like maybe you know 20 props five are good I've just spread it out and try to get through so they call me literally like four in the afternoon i'm in charlotte and they said you want to open for dennis miller at uh wake forest university and i said when they said tonight i said tonight fuck it's four in the afternoon i got how am i going to get to wake so you get you know three hours you can drive there and you can open so i said fuck yeah right it's my first big so i take my little what years is 90 or 89 80 something maybe somewhere of that right so i get there and it's a huge auditorium it's their homecoming it's fucking right it's like 4 ,000 seat arena and I remember the Braves were playing in this in the World Series against um somebody so I mean he's a big a Pittsburgh and the only reason I know this is because Dennis Miller is a big Pittsburgh pirate fan so I get there and I'm like just beyond nervous day I set my little trunk up and the packed crowd and the guy sends me out and he says do you know do 15 minutes I said I don't if I have 15 I'll do what I can do The crowd was so good Right so I go out And I'm just I'm doing like my Wendy's All my fucking shit that was You know And I like three jokes in And one was a car I said they should make a car And built like a ramp So if you have it on collision You just jump over right And I mean it kills And then I pick up my paper cups And string with the call waiting In it Oh that was the closer So I waited for that So I look oh Yeah I see it was my huge closer and I look over and I see oh what fuck there's Dennis Miller standing with the guy that booked me right and Dennis Miller's just standing there watching and he's I remember he's just being really short kind of guy and the guy was the guy was going like you know and I don't I've only done like three jokes oh Dennis wants you to get off stage I guess so I look over and then I look over again and then I do it on the joke and then I look and the guy's like just like wrap it up right and I'm like I've only done not even five minutes so I do my closer my big paper cups and string yeah here's one for the new call waiting and then conference calling and did it okay I'm not even done with it he walks out and he says leave your shit because I was going to get it out of the way for him and I said okay and then he didn't say anything and then I went up into the rafters of the theater and watched him before him and uh afterwards anyway he left right and so then he kicked he said something like he picked up the the car with the ramp and he looked at it and he went and threw it but like they tossed it right and the whole crowd was like like what the fuck right because they they loved me i was just young they were like they loved me i was doing so well and they could tell that he just like made fun and like you know defaced my thing and it was he's like take it easy at the fucking they call me topper he's this topper he's funny right shows over I go to me say hi don't he already left did a da -da -da anyone say hi I said okay so then for five years at least he's he'd make fun of me on his show any show he did he would make fun of me like in a bad right and then one day Margaret Cho is on like an election night thing they used to do with the with Dennis Miller and he says something about Kerrott and she says why do you have Keratops is a sweet guy why do you hate him so much and he says I'll tell you why and he says he opened for me and he's had the school wrong in Notre Dame or something and he did 35 minutes who's supposed to do 10 he did 35 minutes and he doesn't know how to watch his time and he needs to learn that and da da da this right I'm like well wait a minute so all these years goodbye I'm in a hotel in L .A. Doors open And I said, Dennis.

[1226] And he goes, Topper.

[1227] I said, we have to clear something up.

[1228] He says, what's that?

[1229] He said, not only your story not holding.

[1230] No, no, my hold, you went long.

[1231] And I said, wait.

[1232] I said, I couldn't have gone long because I only had five fucking minutes.

[1233] So I didn't go long.

[1234] I said, let's just clear the air.

[1235] I didn't go long.

[1236] I couldn't have gone long.

[1237] There was no possibility I could go long.

[1238] And, you know, that's the story.

[1239] And he's like, yeah, well, well, whatever bolts off i'm like that went well and then i'm with david one night i said david i said hey could you could you like uh help me clear the air with fucking dennis miller you can see what happened i said i tell him the story he goes no he went long i said i couldn't go to this day i couldn't go i didn't go long so anyway finally he's like whatever just you know what let it go dude i'm like again i want him to like me i want him to be my friend Of course.

[1240] So then it was the all -star basketball game in Vegas.

[1241] And I go in, everyone's like big, all the ESPN people are, you know, there.

[1242] And I sit down and who's sitting right behind me?

[1243] Dennis, well.

[1244] So I look back and I go, Dennis.

[1245] And he goes, yeah, I said, you're, I said, something about, well, I got one seat better than you or something about my hair blocking.

[1246] You won't be able to see the game because of my stupid hair or something.

[1247] Probably really ruined your night.

[1248] He says, you know, you know, it's really going to ruin my night?

[1249] And I said, what?

[1250] He says, my son wants to meet you, and we, he was so mad.

[1251] My son loves you.

[1252] I said, oh, my God, that must really burn your, I really hate that.

[1253] And he goes, yeah, he's your bigot.

[1254] He loves Karen Top.

[1255] I said, see, tell your dad that I'm okay.

[1256] That's hilarious.

[1257] Yeah, so we, now I think we've become, we've become good friends.

[1258] It was just, again, communication and misunderstanding.

[1259] I didn't, you know, I wouldn't have done that to.

[1260] Well, it's also people get real tense before they go on stage, and if they feel, like you're doing something that they don't like some comics get upset he didn't hope he didn't have a car with a ramp no okay but it's like doing my joke i have a car with the ramp it's all that it's all that one of those things it's like who booked that why would you take a guy who's got like these witty one -liners and put him with a guy who's a pro back it's like they don't necessarily I don't know well actually would have jived pretty good because it was so different actually the crowd was going but that's not always good oh well difference not always good well that's true I had a guy with dog something dog thing happened before my show A dog thing?

[1261] It was a guy They sent a thing And I said Oh that'd be kind of funny It's like dogs Doing like whatever And that might be cute Before my show And it was just horrendous So he had an act with dogs It was like a dog Yeah Did the dog perform With them?

[1262] Yeah Something like that I forget It's been too long ago But they were The only funniest Funniest One I've ever seen I think his name Bruce Balak He opened for amazing Jonathan one night And this is brilliant shit I don't know why I didn't think of this so there's a little carpet stage right just enough for like your dog just enough for a little dog and there's a microphone just like this it's the stage a little microphone and it said please well it lights who don't ladies and gentlemen please welcome whatever the fuck muffie so -and -so and the little the little fucking rabbit this is great walks up on the thing and grabs the mic like this the dog grabs the bunny and he grabbed this It's a bunny.

[1263] It was a bunny.

[1264] It was a bunny.

[1265] It's not a different...

[1266] This is amazing dog.

[1267] I wish I'd hire...

[1268] It's that fucking weed.

[1269] I would have hired this guy.

[1270] It was so fucking good, though, right?

[1271] So this little bunny rabbit comes up and he grab...

[1272] But he doesn't just go like...

[1273] He grabs it like this.

[1274] And he says, well, it's that motherfuckers, right?

[1275] So what the guy did, he's got a little feeder in it.

[1276] Right.

[1277] And he's trained it, of course, to hold like this.

[1278] But then when he feed it, he would go like that.

[1279] And he'd say, hey, motherfuckers.

[1280] And then it was like, So the carrot, it was eating, like, food.

[1281] Yeah, it was 20 minutes of this rabbit telling really funny, dirty jokes.

[1282] And the way he would mannerism with the, with the mic, he's like, he's like, yeah, and he's fucking, fucking cock suckers over here.

[1283] That's hilarious.

[1284] Yeah, it was great.

[1285] It was very, it was a brilliant.

[1286] That's brilliant.

[1287] It was brilliant.

[1288] I remember the whole time, like, not of my crying.

[1289] I'm like, well, I didn't think of that.

[1290] God damn it.

[1291] That is a great idea.

[1292] And if you get that rabbit to really keep being.

[1293] Bruce Block, I think his name was.

[1294] If you get that.

[1295] the rabbit to keep eating and you had some good solid jokes oh yeah he could do anything just that's a great idea no it's great and it would yeah he didn't ever read that because i think bruce is down there doing the voice like hey hey look at this lady over here i met uh dennis miller the first time i met dennis miller i was at one of those um have you ever done one of those um television things where you do like a block of press and they have like it's been so long i forget what they call them but whenever you press yeah junket thing so they'd be able to like a bunch of stars from a bunch of different NBC shows and what have you.

[1296] And so I'm peeing and Dennis pulls up beside me. And he goes, hey, Joey, you got yourself a head over there, huh?

[1297] And I look over and I said, yeah, you go, it's doing pretty good.

[1298] He's, yeah, that fear factor, doing pretty fucking good, pal.

[1299] I go, oh, okay.

[1300] It's just weird when you're talking to somebody for the very first time when you have your dick in your hand and they're standing like a foot away from you and they're like, hi.

[1301] We have something in common We have something very similar I'm not making this up Bill Maher If he was sitting right here He'd remember this So I'd never met Bill Maher It's at the American Comedy Awards And it might have been the night that I won So I go into the bathroom I saw it I didn't know he's in there So first of all Before I even do the Bill Maher was peeing next to me Next to me was Casey Kasem Oh wow And next to Casey Kasem This is not a joke You can't make this shit up right Was Larry King's When I walk into the bathroom I see not a joke three icons no I see no he no he had his pants all the way down which one Casey no Larry King Larry King Larry King that seems like I walked in I remember thinking I saw no seriously but you think why would you get suspended but he had just like who does that who does that when you pee you don't I'm gonna do that from now on you just yeah fuck it all began and so I that caught my eye I was like what the fuck and then I see Casey Kaysam he's really short and then Bill Moore so I literally come in my like a horse into my stall and I look over and I see Casey Kasem and I and I look over at Bill Maher.

[1302] I always said was I said nice cock and he's like what the and now Bill you know Bill's he just loses his shit right he's laughing so hard and then Casey Kasem's like what kind of what the fuck is going on in this bathroom right and it's a comedy words anyhow right so I said so I go back to my table and Bill Maher's tables a couple over from mine he's got like 20 people literally at his table And he's telling his whole table And they're all looking over at me And he's like, come here And I'm like, fuck So I go over and I go hey And he says, tell him what I said You already told him what I did And he's like, that was fucking funny And very risky I said I didn't know what to say to you I just I'm a big fan So I figured hey nice conk And it's really not I just want to get on your show And he says you want to be in my show And I said yeah He says call me literally call me tomorrow And I'm if you were available This weekend And, like, literally that week, and I was on the show, like, three days later.

[1303] Wow.

[1304] Because I said he had a nice con. That's nice.

[1305] Is this politically incorrect days?

[1306] Yeah, politically incorrect, yeah.

[1307] That was a fascinating situation.

[1308] You talk about, like, someone getting canceled from a show that was, like, probably the best thing that could ever happen.

[1309] Oh.

[1310] Like, him, he was, this was during the Iraq war.

[1311] Right.

[1312] And he was talking about, like, I think that his, what he said was something, I don't want to fuck it up.

[1313] But, like, who is a coward?

[1314] the people who flew the planes in the building or the people who dropped bombs from a distance or something along those lines and people got very, very, very upset and then they wound up pulling the show.

[1315] And then he went over to HBO and it became an infinitely better version of the show.

[1316] And he's true.

[1317] He's one of the best people of our era of pushing back against the most extreme, ridiculous, leftist sort of censoring views.

[1318] And he's kind of all over the place.

[1319] cancer culture things.

[1320] He's kind of all over the place with...

[1321] Well, he's very liberal, but he's an old school liberal.

[1322] As in I am.

[1323] It's like, there's a thing, there's a difference between liberals that are just like, they think of themselves as open -minded people that realize that not everybody starts off at the same starting point.

[1324] So this idea of pull yourself up by your own bootstrings is pretty ridiculous.

[1325] That's me. That's what I think.

[1326] and that we all need some social programs.

[1327] The world needs them.

[1328] I mean, when I was a kid, I was on welfare.

[1329] My parents were on welfare.

[1330] We had food stamps.

[1331] Like, I remember that very clearly.

[1332] And so, like, the idea that everybody should just figure it out on their own, no, man, that's not, that's, if we're a community, we're supposed to be helping each other.

[1333] And there's a certain amount of social programs that benefit society.

[1334] But he's also a guy who realizes that there's a certain amount of pushback against, certain aspects of our society that become almost like cult -like and then they don't make sense and things get preposterous and ridiculous and they go too far with things and that's where bill stands it's like he's he's more of an old school like being a liberal from 20 years ago was very different than being a liberal of today or a leftist of today like people today are like leaning so far towards socialism and Marxism that it's like they I don't know if they're doing it because I've thought it through if they're doing it because this is the ideology of the moment of the youth and they think they're going to reshape society and change things, which is like every young group thinks they're going to do that.

[1335] Every new group of people.

[1336] But Bill, in my opinion, is one of the very best of our current crop of people that's got a voice that speaks out against that stuff.

[1337] He's brilliant, actually.

[1338] He is.

[1339] And his show's brilliant.

[1340] Whoever's writing those things is brilliant.

[1341] I know one of the...

[1342] Scott, I've done it for years.

[1343] He's been with him day one.

[1344] yeah well there's a whole bunch of writers it's a very good show yeah his main guys yeah it's um it's complicated you know i feel like that show would even be even better if it was like a long format show on the internet you know with no back to my no censoring i should drink whatever you want buddy there's nothing wrong with crown i was just joking you know my first beer i ever had i was my dad worked back to space center but uh went to a launch and i was like 12 we go to see a shuttle launch and you know florida 100 degrees out and sitting there I say can we get like a hot dog on a coke or something my dad's like what do you want I said I don't know coke and a hot dog he says the line for a coke and hot dog was like 70 deep and the line for a beer was like two so my dad looks at me and he says you're drinking a fucking beer and I said a beer I'm 12 because just don't tell your mom I said okay so I saw like three launches that day and I go home my mom's Like, how was the launch?

[1345] There was like three rockets.

[1346] He was like, what's wrong with you?

[1347] I said, no, I had beer.

[1348] You gave him a beer.

[1349] Yeah.

[1350] That's funny.

[1351] Isn't that funny?

[1352] Because that's my dad's thought.

[1353] He's logic.

[1354] He's like, I'm not waiting the fucking line.

[1355] You're getting a beer.

[1356] When you saw the launch, did you wonder if it was going to blow up?

[1357] Well, this is prior to the blowing up one.

[1358] The Challenger one?

[1359] Yeah.

[1360] But I was, of course, my dad knew everybody on that one.

[1361] Oh, did he really?

[1362] Yeah.

[1363] I was in college at the time, and I was driving a, like, a courier van.

[1364] And I remember, you know, the news came on.

[1365] And I was like, what the, it was on the talk radio he used to listen to.

[1366] Before I had cell phone, so I pulled over and found a pay phone and I called my dad.

[1367] And he was like, just, you know, at the space center and just losing his mind.

[1368] He's like, yeah, yeah, it just happened.

[1369] I was at this girl I was dating.

[1370] We kind of stopped dating.

[1371] We kind of broken up and she moved to another part of the state and I went to visit her there.

[1372] And I think she had gone to school.

[1373] I think I had graduated from high school when she was still a senior.

[1374] I think that's what I was happening.

[1375] So she had gone to school and I was staying at her house still.

[1376] And I watched TV.

[1377] And I didn't see the actual bomb, the actual challenger blow up.

[1378] I saw a replay of it.

[1379] They were playing the replay on TV.

[1380] So I turned on TV and I was like, holy fuck.

[1381] I think, I don't know if she was there or not.

[1382] It's hard to remember.

[1383] It was so long ago.

[1384] But I never forget, like, seeing it and trying to figure out what was happening.

[1385] What is going on with that?

[1386] Imagine people there watching it, too.

[1387] It didn't make sense.

[1388] When there's a tragedy and you get to watch, like, you see a video of it.

[1389] Like, is this real?

[1390] Like, am I watching something that's real?

[1391] This really happened?

[1392] It was, like, now you see, like, fucking Jeff Bezos is going flying around.

[1393] Like, what is he doing?

[1394] Richard Branson, they're all going into space.

[1395] Like, hey, guys, guys, guys.

[1396] My neighbors are on one of those flights coming up with Branson, I think.

[1397] So many people are giving Jeff Bezos shit because he was at a party for New Year's.

[1398] It was a disco party.

[1399] and they're shitting all over the way he was dressed?

[1400] I think he looks great, okay?

[1401] A lot of you people are fucking haters.

[1402] They're haters because they're saying, well, here's the thing.

[1403] There's a video.

[1404] I'd like you to find this video before he showed me what he looked like.

[1405] There's a video from Jeff Bezos.

[1406] He's driving a Honda, and he's being interviewed by this guy.

[1407] And he's worth, at the time, Amazon was just taking off, and he was worth approximately $8 billion.

[1408] And so the guy says to him, yeah, this is it.

[1409] Play this.

[1410] Play this.

[1411] Somewhere in the vicinity of $9 or $10 billion today.

[1412] I only say that because I've got a follow -up question.

[1413] Okay.

[1414] What's with the Honda?

[1415] This is a perfectly good car.

[1416] Okay.

[1417] Now, this is 1999.

[1418] Okay?

[1419] So here we are 20, almost 22 years later.

[1420] Look at him.

[1421] What's that's wrong with that?

[1422] First of all, he's fucking jacked.

[1423] I was going to say he's ripped.

[1424] He's got a beautiful girl.

[1425] She's hot as fuck.

[1426] She's hot as the son.

[1427] Looks like he's packing some heat.

[1428] He's jacked.

[1429] He's jacked and he's dressed for a disco party.

[1430] So he had a disco party at his house.

[1431] So what's wrong with that?

[1432] There's nothing wrong with that.

[1433] But that is a full transformation.

[1434] Well, it's just because he's now worth a hundred and eighty million billion dollars.

[1435] He's worth like, I think it's between him and Elon.

[1436] They go back and forth.

[1437] He's the richest person in the world.

[1438] Look at him.

[1439] He's jacked!

[1440] Jacked!

[1441] Look at him!

[1442] That's that same dorky guy in the Honda, and now he probably...

[1443] Oh, wow, you're right, that...

[1444] Wow.

[1445] Yeah, he's Caratop in the fucking late 80s or whatever it was.

[1446] What year was in when he got really jacked?

[1447] Oh, it was more of that.

[1448] It was like in the 2000s?

[1449] In the thousands summer.

[1450] But, yeah, it will last it for a small bit.

[1451] And I guess that...

[1452] Well, he's riding that testosterone replacement therapy ride.

[1453] And he's in full effect.

[1454] But why?

[1455] Who cares?

[1456] But why is it, if he was a rapper, if he was a rapper and he was doing that, everybody would be like, fuck, yeah, look at Pitbull.

[1457] Right, right, right, you know.

[1458] But why does anyone care about anyone else's personal choices of things, too, I've never understood?

[1459] No matter what it is, whether it's just doing steroids or doing this or doing that or doing that.

[1460] What's the point of it?

[1461] Two things.

[1462] One, because it's fun to make fun of people.

[1463] So you look at them right there, it's fun to say, oh, fucking mood life crisis.

[1464] But let's be honest, he's killing it.

[1465] Yeah.

[1466] The guy's killing it.

[1467] Nothing wrong with it looks great You go back to that guy in the Honda This is a perfectly good car It's a great car Like you go back to that guy in a 1999 Honda and then you know who know What does Jeff Bezos drive today I mean he's probably the same Honda Got some fucking exotic handmade shit Yeah probably They fly in from overseas Like Justin Bieber out of chrome He's probably balling out of control Completely out of control Yeah good for him Well, why not?

[1468] But the point is, it's like, you know, like, Jeff, Jeff Bezos is successful.

[1469] Yeah.

[1470] Why shouldn't he be jacked with a super hot girlfriend dressing like a pimp?

[1471] Right.

[1472] I don't see.

[1473] 30, really nasty a Bugatti.

[1474] Let me see the fucking Bugatti.

[1475] Let's see the goddamn Bugatti.

[1476] I like it.

[1477] I like it, Jeff.

[1478] I like the new you.

[1479] This is how I feel.

[1480] That's a great, Jesus.

[1481] Look at that.

[1482] That's like a $5 million car.

[1483] How much are those?

[1484] I was trying to find a picture of him in that so I could know for sure.

[1485] I think they're worth like $5 million.

[1486] There are preposterous cars.

[1487] That's Jeff Bezos's Bugatti.

[1488] Look at that.

[1489] Why not?

[1490] I remember I doing a tonight show with Jay.

[1491] I remember he always had all those cars.

[1492] And one day I went out, you know, that parking spot he had right there in the front.

[1493] And he said it was a bike, but it had a jet engine on it.

[1494] Oh, yeah, I thought it was a joke.

[1495] So I look, I'm standing there looking at it.

[1496] I'm like, what the fuck?

[1497] And Jay comes out, man. I said, is that, is that, like a jet bike?

[1498] And he goes, yeah, this is that, yeah, that's a jet bike.

[1499] I said, well, how fast does this go?

[1500] He goes, it's the fast you wasn't.

[1501] And I said, well, how fast have you had it?

[1502] And he's like, yeah, like 180.

[1503] I'm like 180.

[1504] You know, of course, from L .A. to Vegas probably in that stretch of, but I'm like, when else can you go, like on a jet?

[1505] Why do you need a jet bike to go, like, through L .A.?

[1506] Like, how would you just, for shit, you have so much money, I'm just, I'm going to get a jet bike.

[1507] Well, he's just fascinating by cars.

[1508] Oh, no, he's great.

[1509] And then I asked him to bring in, which made you think of the store of the cars.

[1510] I asked him, his assistant, hell guy, said, could you, could, could Jay bring in the Ford GT?

[1511] I saw that he had it on something.

[1512] And she said, yeah, so pull up, nice enough.

[1513] He drove it in just for me to look at it.

[1514] And he says to me, do you want that's what you want to see?

[1515] I said, yeah, I love this car.

[1516] And he goes, you know, I have a McLaren, you know, I couldn't have brought that.

[1517] I said, I don't want the McLaren.

[1518] I want the Ford GT.

[1519] And he's like, the McLaren is the way better.

[1520] Like, he just, he was shocked.

[1521] That's the one I wanted to see.

[1522] I have way better car.

[1523] And I've seen the fire truck.

[1524] Imagine Jay Lenoid's driving down the fucking 4 -05 with this fucking fire truck.

[1525] Which he does.

[1526] Is it, wasn't the older Ford GT?

[1527] Yeah, it was the Ford GT.

[1528] It was like 2005 -ish.

[1529] Yeah, probably, yeah.

[1530] With this double blue stripe on the white with double blue stripes.

[1531] It was fucking yours.

[1532] What is that?

[1533] Lamborghini.

[1534] Venen, Venennan.

[1535] Venin.

[1536] It's the most expensive car he has, according to the article.

[1537] Most expensive car, the J .S. No, no. Jeff Bezos.

[1538] Oh, Cars game Bezos.

[1539] He's got a fucking million cars.

[1540] I love it.

[1541] I love the fact he goes from the fucking Honda to that.

[1542] Yeah, to that.

[1543] He goes from a dorky guy with the hair on the sides.

[1544] He might have a big pickup truck too.

[1545] To fully jacked man with the smoking hot girlfriend.

[1546] It's a little cheapest car he has apparently.

[1547] That's the cheapest car.

[1548] That's the cheapest car.

[1549] It's only a million dollars.

[1550] Wait, what is it?

[1551] Ferrari Pinaferina, Sergio, it's a $3 million car.

[1552] Doesn't it look like it's going backwards?

[1553] It does look like it's going backwards.

[1554] Yeah, it does.

[1555] It's weird looking.

[1556] It's cool.

[1557] It is cool.

[1558] I love it.

[1559] I've never even seen that before.

[1560] Where's the windshield?

[1561] I would actually drive it backwards just to fuck with people.

[1562] I'd go.

[1563] It seems like it doesn't have a windshield.

[1564] Yeah, it doesn't seem real.

[1565] Do you have to wear goggles?

[1566] What if you get hit in the face with a squirrel?

[1567] Like, what if like a fucking, that doesn't have a windshield.

[1568] That has no windshield.

[1569] Like, oh my God.

[1570] Hey, I'm in the car with him.

[1571] Wait a minute.

[1572] It's Jeff Bezos and Caritop.

[1573] But why would you buy a car with no windshield?

[1574] That's just silly.

[1575] Well, he has no hair.

[1576] He's fine.

[1577] Yeah, but it's a mess.

[1578] If you fly into a flock of birds, you're a dead man. No. Just a bug.

[1579] I like this, he's too rich.

[1580] He didn't need a fucking windshield.

[1581] But if you're going 180 miles now and you hit a bug, Is that what it's like?

[1582] Oh, maybe you can remove removal, yeah.

[1583] What?

[1584] Really?

[1585] No, that's, I think the top one's a concept.

[1586] I don't think it's real.

[1587] I think the bottom one is.

[1588] That's what it is.

[1589] Yeah, they're showing, they just took the picture of the concept car.

[1590] They do stuff like that with concept.

[1591] Like, I have muscle cars, and sometimes when they build them, they don't put side mirrors on them.

[1592] And they want to keep no side mirrors on it, and I'm like, hey, guys, I need side mirrors.

[1593] I drive these things.

[1594] But these guys who make custom cars, they don't want to.

[1595] They don't side mirrors.

[1596] They want to keep it sleek.

[1597] Yeah, like, look up Joe Rogan's 1969 Nova.

[1598] My friend Steve Strope is building me a 1969 Nova.

[1599] Look, when I was in high school, man, I was obsessed with cars, and I was obsessed with muscle cars.

[1600] And at the time, that's what it looked like in the rough, but there's newer images of it where it's, like, finished, where you can see the shine.

[1601] That's just the bare metal.

[1602] keep it was released recently keep scrolled right there right there where you're clicking on right there right there so that is what it looks like now so that's like but see look no side mirrors and that's my buddy Steve the cursor is over my buddy Steve Strope who's a masterful car design you're right there no side mirrors but you're right because it would it would keep it more that's a beautiful car it's beautiful I love that's a beautiful oh my god I love those 1960s yeah those kind of cars are cool I was wanting to find a Ford or Chevy truck oh dude I can find you one like you know the i know people with the big round back mirror or the window and it uh -huh dude whatever burnt orange oh yeah yeah yeah dude you know what you should get you should get an icon thriftmaster do you know what that is no well you need to find that find it my friend jonathan ward jonathan ward is uh he runs icon oh that's that's what i'm saying yeah look at that's exactly that's so weird yeah is that ward's thriftmaster that's almost exactly what I'm talking about.

[1603] I even did the same damn color.

[1604] That's a 48.

[1605] That's not Jonathan's.

[1606] That's a 1984.

[1607] Beautiful.

[1608] Beautiful.

[1609] That's a gorgeous, gorgeous car, though.

[1610] That's, oh, that's for sale.

[1611] That's at Vanguard Motorsales.

[1612] There's a site called VanguardMotersales .com.

[1613] I think it's VanguardMoters .com, but they specialize in a lot of these really cool.

[1614] Go to Vanguard Motors .com.

[1615] Just go there.

[1616] They probably have a car like this for sale there because that came from Vanguard.

[1617] I go, I visit their, their website all the time just to see what kind of shit they have.

[1618] And if you like scroll into their inventory, just click current inventory, yeah.

[1619] The older, yeah, see, see, you go really old, they have like a 1941 willies.

[1620] But if you scroll down, scroll down a little, they have those pickup trucks.

[1621] Oh, yeah, yeah, they do, look at that.

[1622] 55 Ford, look at that black one in the middle.

[1623] Oh, shit, look at that thing.

[1624] Oh, and that's a Resto mod too.

[1625] So it's got a modern coyote engine, so it's got a modern Ford engine, which is what I love.

[1626] I love when they take an old car.

[1627] but they put new shit in it.

[1628] Oh, they have a few.

[1629] They have four different resto mods that are from the 50s.

[1630] Look at that F -100 pickup truck, the green one.

[1631] Holy shit, that's badass.

[1632] God damn.

[1633] And look at the red one in the middle.

[1634] That's another rest of a martin.

[1635] Supercharged 350.

[1636] But yeah, like, this is my style of car.

[1637] Oh, no, I agree with you.

[1638] If you were going to do a car, the muscle cars are beautiful.

[1639] Oh, my God.

[1640] Look at that Ford Bronco.

[1641] Oh, my God.

[1642] It's beautiful.

[1643] OJ is right underneath the OJ under.

[1644] He lives in Vegas.

[1645] I see OJ all the time.

[1646] Do you really?

[1647] Yeah.

[1648] What is that like?

[1649] Hey, scroll up a little bit, scroll up a little bit.

[1650] I'll tell you my OJ's great.

[1651] Scroll up, go left.

[1652] That green rest of, click on that.

[1653] Oh, wow, that's a great color, too.

[1654] That gets my dick hard.

[1655] Look at that green.

[1656] Look at that fucking car.

[1657] That made my dick hard.

[1658] God damn, that's beautiful.

[1659] Oh, my God, that's gorgeous.

[1660] That is a fucking gorgeous car.

[1661] 1967.

[1662] That's beautiful.

[1663] The green on that.

[1664] Oh, my God, that's so beautiful.

[1665] I love that kind of car.

[1666] Where is this one out of?

[1667] Is this place?

[1668] I don't know where they are.

[1669] I want to say they're in, they might be in Detroit.

[1670] I'm not sure.

[1671] Beautiful.

[1672] Michigan, yeah.

[1673] They're in Michigan.

[1674] But like, look at that fucking car, man. That's what I like.

[1675] I like these, when they take an old car, but they put all new underpinnings.

[1676] Everything, yeah.

[1677] That makes me excited.

[1678] That's where they call that, not even restoring.

[1679] It's brand new.

[1680] Yeah, it's, they call them Resto Mods.

[1681] That's what my 69 Nova is.

[1682] That's like, that's beautiful.

[1683] It's a 69 Nova on the outside, but Steve took the fenders of a 1969 Camaro because they're wider, and he fused those to the body of the 69.

[1684] Yes.

[1685] That's what I like.

[1686] But anyway, go to ICON Thriftmaster.

[1687] So the reason why I'm saying ICON is, is because what Jonathan Ward does, he takes it like many, many, many levels past where a normal person would take it.

[1688] And he does these incredible cars where it's like incredible engineering.

[1689] He works on these things for fucking years before any car ever gets made.

[1690] And he's designed these thrift masters, and they're fucking drop -dead gorgeous.

[1691] Like you see them.

[1692] I've seen a bunch of them.

[1693] Look at that.

[1694] That's one that's kind of cool, but he's got ones that are like Matt Black.

[1695] Oh, look at that silver one.

[1696] But these things drive fantastic.

[1697] I mean, they're really cool.

[1698] Go to that black one on the far.

[1699] Look at that one.

[1700] Yeah, that's cool.

[1701] Look that Matt Black one.

[1702] I mean, come on, son.

[1703] That's the least Sylvester Stone would drive that in a fucking action movie.

[1704] Yeah.

[1705] They're gorgeous cars, and they're meticulously done.

[1706] And Jonathan is just a stickler for design and detail, and he just loves things like that.

[1707] They're all beautiful.

[1708] Yeah.

[1709] There's something about those old cars.

[1710] That's what I want an old truck.

[1711] You can get one, right?

[1712] So I can put my little prop trunk in the back and head to the improv.

[1713] Would you?

[1714] Yeah, do a guest set.

[1715] pull up in that.

[1716] Do you have a guest spot set?

[1717] Yeah, it's funny.

[1718] Yeah, it's funny you say that.

[1719] I used to make a joke years ago.

[1720] I'd have a little, like a miniature trunk that would have like 10 small props.

[1721] So if I want to do a guest set, I could just pop in and just walk in with it.

[1722] Do you ever do that?

[1723] No, I should because it would be funny, I think.

[1724] Well, Vegas has a real comedy scene now.

[1725] You could stop in somewhere.

[1726] I would probably go to like, do one of the, right, do like go to the improv or something.

[1727] Yeah.

[1728] But Fredman tell me to get my shit out of the hallway.

[1729] The Monaco?

[1730] I was sitting there, yeah.

[1731] Do you, um, how do you, um, how Have you gone to any of those local Vegas clubs?

[1732] Because Vegas is a lot of clubs now.

[1733] Yeah, Brad Deer is a good friend of mine.

[1734] He's got a brand new club.

[1735] It's gorgeous.

[1736] I mean, like, they've spent a shit ton of money.

[1737] Is it a new one or the one that's in the MGM?

[1738] No, it's brand new in the MGM.

[1739] Oh, no shit.

[1740] Yeah.

[1741] Well, the other one that exists, Dom Iera loves that place.

[1742] The last one.

[1743] Yeah.

[1744] Oh, the last one he had.

[1745] It was a great club.

[1746] No, it was a great club.

[1747] But now Brad just has been a whole new, a new, a new, um, gym.

[1748] Is it in the same location?

[1749] No. It's in the, it's in the better location.

[1750] It's in the, where the shops are.

[1751] Used to be buried down the, now it's up in the top.

[1752] That was kind of what's cool about it.

[1753] You had to go downstairs in the basement.

[1754] Yeah, I agreed.

[1755] But I haven't been to the new one, but I hear it.

[1756] Brad, of course, who's his sweetheart.

[1757] He's a great guy.

[1758] He came to my show on my anniversary last couple weeks ago, and it was great.

[1759] I middled for Brad Garrett in, like, the fucking early 90s.

[1760] I'm middle for Brad Garrett, like 91 or 92 before everybody loves Raymond.

[1761] Way back in the day.

[1762] He's a giant dude.

[1763] Oh, no, he's great.

[1764] I had to rip it the same thing I went on into the audience and I didn't want to be announced or not but I said fucking you can't not announce him he's six seven or whatever the fuck he's sitting in the thing a little seat so I said Brad and he talks like this yeah he's so he's so fucking let me see no I mean I could I should I can do a Gilbert Gaffrey what are these people that's pretty good that's not bad that's not bad Brad get yeah so Brad sitting in the audience so I said I said Brad, as of Brad Garrett, everybody's going crazy.

[1765] Everybody loves fucking, one, everybody loves Raymond.

[1766] They really don't love Brad, but everyone still loves you.

[1767] He couldn't have been, like, nicer, and he hung around, like, three hours after the show in our little, a little part, after party.

[1768] Everybody does love Ray Romano.

[1769] Yeah, yeah.

[1770] I do, I love Ray Romano, but everybody loves Brad, too.

[1771] Oh, no, Brad's very well -beloved, absolutely.

[1772] So the new place is in the MGM, but is it where, like, all the shops are?

[1773] Is that where it's at?

[1774] Yeah, yeah.

[1775] Oh, okay.

[1776] In the upper, right?

[1777] Yeah Nice Yeah And what is that Like 300 -seater Like the other one?

[1778] I have not been to it Oh this is the new one?

[1779] Oh that looks great Yeah This is what's on their site That's great That's perfect classic Comedy Club shape Now let me ask you this Are you allowed To work anywhere you want Like can you go to another place And do a guest spot Or do you have an explicit deal Okay You know they have that stupid Yeah What's it TMZ What's it called the Whatever that stands for The MNZ TMZ stands for Something mile zone you so you can't you can't perform you probably know this 10 miles zone 10 miles zone or something right so if i just wanted to walk i could go over to brads and do a little thing which probably would be the best thing for me to do so like you could do a show on reno if you wanted to yeah yeah yeah it's just like i couldn't do one like yeah yeah somewhere else in vegas probably i've never worked reno have you ever worked no yeah yeah yeah reno's actually a really fun uh relaxed oh yeah just blue collar fun rowdy drunk crowds yeah we have really good shows in reno in fact one time we were talking about shooting a like a special or something i thought reno would be a good spot because it's not a bad spot really it's so different than vegas because Vegas is so uptight and reno's like a little more loose i was just watching a video see if you can find this online from 19 i want to say it was like the early 1900s jack johnson defended his heavyweight title I think it was against Jim Jeffries and it was in Reno and I was watched this video no 1900s early 1900s yeah that's when we started comedy a little bit later we started a little bit later but it was like in 1900s it was wild because they built an arena an outdoor arena in Reno for this fight it was 110 degrees outside and they had a 45 round fight oh Jesus yeah dude it's wild but here's what's wild Look at all these guys with hats.

[1780] Everybody wore hats.

[1781] Everybody did.

[1782] Everyone had a hat.

[1783] First of all, it's all men.

[1784] If you look around, you don't see any women.

[1785] It's all men with hats.

[1786] It's weird.

[1787] How weird is this?

[1788] This is 1910 in Reno, Nevada.

[1789] And everyone had a fucking hat.

[1790] And they came in from miles around to watch Jack Johnson fight Jim Jeffries.

[1791] Jim Jeffries, he went in a training camp for six months for this fight because he had taken many years off of fighting, and he had ballooned up.

[1792] over 300 pounds, and he lost 100 pounds to get down to fighting away.

[1793] No, that's John L. Sullivan, you son of a bitch.

[1794] How dare you?

[1795] It's Wilford Brinley.

[1796] And so he lost 100 pounds to get down to weight, and it took him six months to do so.

[1797] That's him right there.

[1798] So that's him fit and in shape.

[1799] So he used to be the heavyweight champ, and he was a real stud back in the day.

[1800] But by this time, he was like 37 years old.

[1801] Is he still fighting?

[1802] No, he's doing commentary now.

[1803] He had taken six whole years off of fighting and lost a ton of weight and got in shape.

[1804] No, Jack Johnson fucked him up.

[1805] Jack Johnson was the man back then.

[1806] So my question is, just you brought that up, look at that, the sea of hats.

[1807] So my question is, see, what comes to my brain is when and why do we don't work that happen anymore?

[1808] Why don't we wear hats anymore?

[1809] It's a good question because back then, if you had a hat business, you're like, bro, I'm fucking killing.

[1810] I'm saying, but it's just so weird now, you're like, what's with the hats?

[1811] Like, when do we just go, I don't aren't any hats anymore?

[1812] Those hats are the blockbuster video of headwear.

[1813] It's like they just went away.

[1814] Yeah, it's so bizarre.

[1815] Like, they probably back then couldn't imagine a world where men didn't wear hats.

[1816] Yeah, they all wore hats.

[1817] Like the jackets and coats and hats and ties.

[1818] And they were saying in the video when I was watching it that front row tickets were going for over $100.

[1819] A hundred dollars a ticket back then.

[1820] Like, what is, okay, just Google that.

[1821] What was $100 in 1910 in 2022 money?

[1822] I'm going to say, let's take a guess.

[1823] I'm going to say $3 ,000.

[1824] Yeah, something like that.

[1825] $3 ,000.

[1826] That's for $100 equivalent then?

[1827] I want to say it's $3 ,000.

[1828] What is it, Jamie?

[1829] 2925.

[1830] Pretty fucking good.

[1831] I was going to say 2995 and I went with three.

[1832] You would look smarter.

[1833] But, I mean, $3 ,000 for front row ticket.

[1834] That was a good, that was a pretty phenomenal.

[1835] Guess.

[1836] Pretty good guess.

[1837] You're off like $4.

[1838] Yeah.

[1839] Well, they estimated something at the time the video was made.

[1840] They said it was like $1 ,000.

[1841] But at the time the video was made, where it was, I think it was Jim Jacobs was doing the commentary for the video.

[1842] And I think that was in the 80s that he was doing that.

[1843] So I just put it forward.

[1844] Right.

[1845] And so it's probably about $3 ,000.

[1846] That's a pretty good guess.

[1847] Fucking inflation.

[1848] That's the problem.

[1849] Yeah.

[1850] Nothing's worth anything anymore.

[1851] I was reading that they print the amount of money that they print every day because of like COVID and the economy's crashing and all that shit it's some staggering amount every second like hundreds of thousands of dollars oh that we print every day a hundred dollar bills are printed every second not crazy it's throwing money I know do you understand the economy or do you just know how much you get paid nice here it is a little bit of the I don't know it uh okay how much I get paid I do, I do, yeah.

[1852] How much money's printed each day?

[1853] The Bureau of Engraving and Printing produces 38 million notes a day with a face value of approximately $541 million.

[1854] All right, so my question to you is, how long has this been going on?

[1855] I don't know.

[1856] Well, you know, I mean, so it's not.

[1857] I mean, we've always been overprinting money, I'm assuming, right?

[1858] We just, all of a sudden, just now, like, we're going to start doing the shit.

[1859] Isn't it funny how important that is and how little most of us know about how it all works?

[1860] Yeah.

[1861] I just go, you know, my paycheck.

[1862] Can I pay my bills?

[1863] Yeah, you know, like you negotiate a certain amount.

[1864] You get the check and you can pay your rent and all that chest.

[1865] Yeah.

[1866] I really don't go, holy shit that, yeah.

[1867] But if you did sit around and think about it, I've had people explain it to me, explain like finances to me and explain the economy to me, it's mind -boggling more complicated.

[1868] That's why I'm a comedian.

[1869] I don't know that stuff.

[1870] Seriously.

[1871] Yeah.

[1872] I can have someone sit right now and explain the economy.

[1873] There was a couple guys in your podcast that were explaining that.

[1874] They're not funny, though.

[1875] No. Do you talk to guys who explain the economy?

[1876] Yeah, you're like, they're a hoot.

[1877] You should hang out with them.

[1878] They're fun.

[1879] They're about as funny as coroners.

[1880] Yeah, yeah.

[1881] And they're both equally solemn because they're just like, oh, this is over so.

[1882] Yeah, what we do here is, that's my Gene Simmons doing it.

[1883] This is Gene Simmons.

[1884] That's a good jean.

[1885] You don't even know how to do Gene Simmons, carrot top.

[1886] You're right, I don't.

[1887] Now that you're doing it right, I can't do it right.

[1888] Yeah.

[1889] I can't do it.

[1890] I can't do impressions.

[1891] I can't do very many.

[1892] impressions but i didn't do a few like clinton i can do you know everybody everybody that's easy huge so i can do that just that word huge there's a guy who does trump and if you close your eyes you're like fucking crazy amazing yeah trump's a good one because he's got so many manners so many oh yeah so many so i do a bit in the show amazing i do a bit in the show where i go one thing i liked about when he would do speeches and stuff he would always announce people in the audience that were out there it's always an interesting reaction with people like it on it i said you remember him going like sally where sally with sally a great lady where's sally at yeah and he points out to her jimbo yeah great guy he knows that where a crowd but yeah but it's interesting how crowds sometimes they laugh sometimes they just go they do that they're kind of like are we allowed to laugh at this like no i don't know what to do anymore yeah you can laugh it's okay so do you pay attention to politics at all or just for jokes uh mostly just joke i mean i try to stay in tune in a sense i mean i watch news and i try to stay on top of it yeah but mostly for for material i try not to get too crazy into it because no one's not good for your head well yeah no one really you know they come to my show they're not expecting me they want to see a walker with a dildo on and they want to see you got see them they care but they just don't care at that moment right right right they're like i want to i want to hear you talk about yeah yeah it's it's a fine line like people who just do political commentary or political comedy rather it's like oof well yeah like you just see a yeah I mean even like like well although Bill more like going back to Bill I saw the special he did it God damn that was an hour of it was pretty fucking funny His last special yeah it was pretty funny I mean it was a lot of politics talk It was all politics yeah but it was it was well done And what's his name too that Black Lewis Black yeah fucking great He does he starts going on in that about the scientist thing when he goes people you know we pay these millions of dollars for people to do one thing then research and development or whatever and I hope I'm doing it better Lewis Black and he says and they get the thing and they get the information and they get it over the ground and they gather up and they give it to us and then we get it and we go eh I'm not buying it it's their only job is this is what they do as they get their information and they give it to it.

[1893] Louis Black's brilliant.

[1894] I saw him way before, literally, in a comedy club in Vegas before he blew up.

[1895] And I'm sitting in the back of the room losing my mind.

[1896] I'm like, this guy's brilliant.

[1897] Yeah.

[1898] And there was like 20 people in there.

[1899] And then he got, he started doing his specials and doing the thing on Comedy Central, John Stewart with the black, back in black with him.

[1900] And I remember thinking, I was that night done, why is this guy not why is he not huge right fucking brilliant well he is now it's one of those things yeah no no he's he's there's so many comics like that you just like you know yeah there's just what's is great again about styles it's fun to watch him in style like jack black or jack black um louis black or you know do you ever go to a show do you ever like go and sit down and watch a comedy show yeah yeah I used to more than now when I lived in L .A I'd always go back and sit in the back of the room and watch well when you're doing your show six nights a week how you have time for anything like what's just it what time does your show start starts at eight oh okay so yeah you're in the middle of everything and then yeah thank you tight five and then tennis miller keys you've gone long yeah it's hard it's hard to do anything else and people always say if it shows I said no I yeah and I when I get one night off you know it's like one it's a Sunday is there is going to be a you know a show that I can go too Yeah.

[1901] Do you experience Vegas nightlife?

[1902] Do you go?

[1903] Like, people that live in Vegas never go to this trip, right?

[1904] I don't, I don't normally.

[1905] Unless you want to, uh, you're silly.

[1906] I don't normally.

[1907] Unless you want to go to, um, this show, you know.

[1908] Causes me to drink and smoke more than, this show?

[1909] Yeah.

[1910] You get nervous?

[1911] No, I'm having it great.

[1912] Yeah.

[1913] Um, but like, my friends that live in Vegas, they never go to the strip unless they want to go to a restaurant or something.

[1914] Yeah, I mean, it's tough, though, but I mean, if there's something like, last comic, I think I went saw Chris Rock, and I, you know, I went to the whole nine yards, you know, waited in line, turned in my cell phone, been a baggie and all that, and, but.

[1915] Where was that at?

[1916] It was at the, good, good question.

[1917] And I've known Chris for, funny, funny fucking guy, that guy is, right?

[1918] One of the greats.

[1919] I always used to give him grief, because, again, I've been.

[1920] Luck of a certain comics that you think would not like me They actually do like me So Chris was always a big fan And I see, you know what's great about you?

[1921] You tell him he joke twice So really an hour special is a half hour Because he always says These people are great People are crazy And then he'd say people are fucking crazy He would say the same line So I said really you only have a half hour If you take them And he goes like yeah that's you know Yeah thanks Scott But no it was a great show And I remember I remember watching it Just thinking he's a he's a true pro like fucking the writing and the delivery and just everything just like from the beginning to the end it's like fucking great yeah he's uh he takes a very different professional approach you know he has guys he works with where he pays them to watch his set and then they go over the material afterwards yeah i've never done that i should do that brilliant i should do that it's a smart idea because like he has access to all these brilliant comedian minds and then you know they'll say when you're doing that here's what i've thought right that and they'll like, hmm, I'm taking into consideration.

[1922] So you have, it's like you're putting together a show.

[1923] Sure, sure.

[1924] Like, if you were putting together like a sitcom, you would have a bunch of writers and sit around and spitball.

[1925] And so he'll do his stuff, and then he'll have, like, a couple of guys will come.

[1926] He used to do that when he was preparing for, like, the Oscars, come to the comedy store, and he would bring a couple guys to watch him, and then they would go over the material afterwards and try to tighten it up.

[1927] It's good to have different ideas.

[1928] No, it is great.

[1929] That's probably why it works so well.

[1930] It's also because he's putting that much more time into it like sometimes it's just a matter of like how much more time are you putting into the material Because so many comics they like they get their act and then they just they just fuck off for the whole day and then they look at their notes briefly before they go on stage and then they go up Like but he's if you're working on it like that or you have like a group of guys and you're saying hey that bit about the pot and the kettle and all that jazz and write that and what about the bit about the parking ramp and and you know you just go over the material and and you're just Just that much more focus, that much more time.

[1931] He's a guy who took, I think Chris took like 10 years off of stand -up.

[1932] I think he took a long, he took a long time.

[1933] He did take a break.

[1934] He did take a break.

[1935] He was doing a lot of movies.

[1936] It was still working, movies and stuff, but he took a long -ass time from stand -up.

[1937] Yeah.

[1938] Yeah, and I think that's probably just shows you how great he is because he could take that much time off and come right back and be just as sharp here.

[1939] Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it took him a couple of...

[1940] I feel like that was a week, and I'm not making this up, like a week off, whatever, but like if I get, I haven't, the only time I ever had two weeks off when we went to London was, it's always a week.

[1941] But I come back from a week, I'm like, I kind of get a little.

[1942] Right.

[1943] But it comes right back, but it's usually like, it's always the second show I fuck up.

[1944] I come back and I nail the first one in the second night.

[1945] I'm like, well, I'm like, well, I. But you think you already did the one, they should be fine.

[1946] Well, the first one, you're nervous.

[1947] So you're like, it's a heightened thing.

[1948] And then you're like, oh, and then you fuck it up.

[1949] Yeah.

[1950] The second one, you get a little.

[1951] But I like writing.

[1952] I like, I like, I like, I like, because people say, you know, when do you put a new joke?

[1953] I think, like, any second you think of it, you do it, right?

[1954] I don't, I don't sit down and, I'm not a sit down right guy.

[1955] So what do you do?

[1956] You just, like, come up with an idea during the day and then jot it down.

[1957] Or night, right.

[1958] But like, like, you know, friends of ours, like Tom Green, he, he, I'll call him.

[1959] He's like, what are you doing?

[1960] Or even his Instagram, he's like, I'm going to sit down.

[1961] I'm going to write some jokes for a couple of hours.

[1962] hours and I'm like wow in my 30 some I've never sat down with a pad of paper and a thing and said let's write some jokes and just never I'm just be on a plane and go ah you got to actively keep your mask up while you're eating a drink something oh right and then I'll and then that night I'll boom I'll do it and then if it works it works doesn't work doesn't work don't work you do you refine stuff or do you feel like oh absolutely yeah but but it's always wrong and then it turns into like a whole then you maybe my crew because I work but my crew say wow that that bit's really coming together nicely but it takes a few times to work it out like I still don't sit down and write it out like Larry Miller used to write commas yeah oh that's fine oh yeah dashes and commas yeah I was in a move with him and um he gave me some great advice it's funny where he's such a funny guy and I've been filming a couple of days and he was the main guy and the movie he's like the bad guy that's taken over the company and I'm doing the scene with him and I'm used to working theaters you know so I'm I'm doing everything big like you know like but when you're in a movie it's you know this not this right so I don't know this I've never been in a fucking movie I think I'm nailing it so we go the dailies in the trailer and they start watching the dailies and and and there's one scene where Larry Miller literally just goes like that just his eyebrows when I'm up anyway and everybody fucking lost her shit right and I looked back and I said I did all no one not only laughed or did any reaction to any of my scenes but that one fucking scene so I said what why was that and he said I'm going to give me some advice he says you're used to working theaters and back then I was doing all the big theaters and said you're in a movie it's got to be so small work small and it was weird that day after I did that I started doing little things as opposed to big things and it was amazing how different he made it for me but that first couple days i was i think that i don't if they even used any of that footage was so bad was that the first movie ever and that's star in it it's like and have you ever done any sense i did yeah i've done some smaller parts i didn't have a main role i did uh i was in i just was telling people yesterday i was on a betty white and i did a movie and uh i was telling the crowd they're nice you know i had the pleasure but you know it's funny about comedy too they no matter what you say they all think it's a joke And even if you say, you know, the night my dad died, I came and said, this is a weird night.

[1963] You know, my father passed away today, so it was just kind of an emotional night.

[1964] And everybody laughed.

[1965] And I remember coming off stage, I was like, I kind of got, it was like, what the fuck?

[1966] Why do they think that's funny, though?

[1967] Like, I think anything you say, or maybe it's just because it's me, they don't, they don't.

[1968] So the night on the state I said, you know, Betty White passed away, and everybody was like, oh, and they clap.

[1969] And I said, Betty and White and I did a film together, Dennis the Menace.

[1970] and they all, you know, like, didn't believe it kind of thing.

[1971] I'm like, no, I did.

[1972] And then I told the story.

[1973] I was on the Tonight Show, and Betty White was on the show with me. And this is maybe six, seven years ago.

[1974] And she was getting her makeup put on.

[1975] And I walked in, and I said, hi, Betty, I don't want to bother you.

[1976] I just wanted to say hi.

[1977] And she goes, hi.

[1978] And she says, are you, are you?

[1979] I said, I'm on the show with you tonight.

[1980] I just wanted to say hi.

[1981] And she goes, oh, what do you do?

[1982] And I said, oh, I'm a singer.

[1983] I'm a rapper or something up.

[1984] And she goes, oh, I can't wait to see you, right?

[1985] I said, do you remember working on a movie with me?

[1986] And she said, oh, I feel so bad.

[1987] I'm sorry, I don't.

[1988] And I said, oh, well, we did a movie with Dennis the Menace.

[1989] It was you and Don Rickles and me and a whole bunch of people.

[1990] And she goes, there was a movie about Dennis and Menna.

[1991] Oh, my God.

[1992] Yeah, you were in, I were in it.

[1993] but it was really cute because she didn't know not only who I was do you remember filming with me but you don't have any movies she must have oh no I know and that's why I said okay well have you know but it was sweet but she didn't know there was a movie that's that's kind of funny now rickles is better this is great so oh you met rickles oh wait no I wasn't a movie with him so it's two rickles saying real quickly so I'm doing the I'm doing the Dennis and Menace and there's a scene where I don't know I'm just like an Indian I was all these it was Bill Murray's brother brother Brian O 'Murray and me, and I'm doing like this, every scene I'm a different character.

[1994] I was like an Indian, I was an old guy and all these makeup things.

[1995] So most of the time I'd spend on the makeup trailer.

[1996] So it's a scene where I'm an Indian guy out, you know, did we got to do we got to figure out?

[1997] Because we're trying to, you know, trick this Don Rickles that I'm, you know, whatever.

[1998] Had this root that we're trying to sell.

[1999] And so anyway, we get the scene cut.

[2000] And I did, something didn't work.

[2001] The machine or something I was supposed to hold up didn't work.

[2002] So I was said, fuck, that was a great scene too.

[2003] I was like, fuck, that was a great take.

[2004] And Rickles comes over to me and says, let me a second.

[2005] I said, what?

[2006] Seriously, you walk me out.

[2007] And he said, don't ever curse on a movie set.

[2008] And I said, I'm sorry.

[2009] And he says, I love you.

[2010] And you're a good kid.

[2011] Just never curse on a, and I said, that's great advice.

[2012] I just I it slipped me So we cut to see he's We go to no it's literally No he go to the thing And he's he's adleming with the entire crew But he's saying oh we got the Mexican Yeah the hubcaps are gone on there I'm a car there's the black guy hold your wallet He was doing all this like racial bad Like worse than me saying fuck Right in front and I remember thinking This is amazing like I got in trouble for saying fuck Oh so he was serious He was yeah I thought he was gonna do the next Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, he never, no. And then I saw him years ago, right before he died, literally, which is going to be weird again, there's like that, what do you call that Kevin Bacon separation thing?

[2013] I'm in some restaurant in L .A., well, all the to -dos are there.

[2014] I mean, literally, he's like, a guy from Motley Cruz, there, Nikki Sixth.

[2015] Larry King, Mrs. Brady, like, is the weirdest people in there, right?

[2016] I'm having dinner, and my agent says to me, I've been dinner with him, and he says, you should go say hi to Don Rickles and I said, fuck where's Don?

[2017] He says right over there and I said It was like 10 people Oh god damn it I mean you know I'm kind of Believe or not in person I'm kind of shy I don't want to walk in front of a fucking 10 people In there you know when he's approaching him all night probably So I said Don Hey Don Caratop And he looks at me He says he goes really And I said yeah he says Like I didn't see you coming from whatever From fan eyes And I said yeah I don't want to bother you Well that's too late You've already bothered me Now what?

[2018] And I said, I just wanted to say, do you remember working in the movie with me?

[2019] And he says, I've tried to forget everything we've ever done together.

[2020] Seriously, like not even missing a beat.

[2021] I've tried to forget everything we've ever done together.

[2022] Now this, and I go, I'm sorry.

[2023] I'll have a good night.

[2024] Well, it's too late now you've already ruined my dinner, my appetite.

[2025] Everyone say, how to carrots off?

[2026] And they'll go, hi, and he's like, and I tried to buy his dinner, but the other guy said, no, no, I insist you can't.

[2027] Did you ever see the video of him and Frank Sinatra on Johnny Carson?

[2028] when he said that what was talking about the dinner yeah yeah let come over yeah see if you can find that oh it's really it's it's it's classic classic classic classic don rickles where uh sinatra he was eating dinner and don rickles came over and he well let's see if we can find yeah you because it's very funny it's frank sinatra give us some volume he thought to say when you're in a romantic mood and you're trying to make out whose records do you put on that's funny look at how music do you put on look at the way he dressed back Jesus Christ, look at that outfit.

[2029] I spent a lot of nice evenings listening to your music, and I just wonder, I said, wonder who Frank was or so.

[2030] Oh, I play Jerry Fale or some of those.

[2031] Interesting concept.

[2032] Yes, it is.

[2033] But I can answer that by telling you that in those lovely moments, I play daffness and Chloe, or the sunken cathedral, the in Gulf Cathedral, all that kind of classy jazz.

[2034] I don't fool around with all the other stuff.

[2035] Because, hey, look, I know you're going to do another number with the band, because I know you've got a recording session tonight, and really, on behalf.

[2036] Just to that.

[2037] Look at how funny.

[2038] Look at him.

[2039] Yeah, he's just, right?

[2040] Genius, right?

[2041] Well, all genius, right?

[2042] Yeah, all of them.

[2043] Yeah, timing.

[2044] his time just even look at his face look at him look at him why don't you guys get with the band what you guys get with the big hey frank it's good to see it uh i i just i just was hanging around in the hall and i said frank senatra's here i've never met him you know and i get the you excuse us certainly certainly mongo mangananzo was hurt Two bullets in the head Thursday.

[2045] It was like an inside joke that Frank Sinatra was connected to the mob.

[2046] Not so inside either.

[2047] Everybody knew it.

[2048] Johnny, you're from the Midwest.

[2049] You're busy going.

[2050] Is the truck loaded?

[2051] Look at their boots.

[2052] Guido says hi.

[2053] He hasn't had a chance to talk to you.

[2054] And from Jersey City, your good friend, Bubani Umbatser.

[2055] What's his alias?

[2056] What's his alias?

[2057] your album on, and now he's a highway.

[2058] But I tell you, I'm a Jew and you're an Italian.

[2059] And here we have what?

[2060] And this is a great Irishman.

[2061] This is America.

[2062] Look how these microphones are right.

[2063] You see it hanging into the frame.

[2064] For 14 years, Johnny Drozzen, you really know, Frank?

[2065] And I want you to know, Frank.

[2066] I worship you and I love you.

[2067] I really mean this, because since I'm a kid, I used to blowing girls' ears and here you go, and do it my way I need a girl so bad I love my wife but she's ill I love my wife but she's ill this is a different world back then right yeah the microphone Frank when you get a minute Frank when you get a minute God bless you he just got hey all the good things this is the most exciting night in the years that I've known Johnny Carson he started me on this show this is the most exciting night and I I so help me it's a great night he was even nervous because he came to me and said and I said you are a powerhouse and Frank I love you gumbaginabini but any bovazzi and tis dungandirabante Just right of the lips And again Jesus Christ He's like, get off me No, get it Is 19706 Here it is, there's a story may have known or heard about this was true story this is a long time ago long before don got married i was eating dinner in a restaurant in new york and uh i was sitting with with some friends and he came over to the table and he said frank do me a favor with you he said i'm sitting with a very pretty girl and uh i'm trying to make out you know and he said i told her i know you and she really doesn't believe me would you stop by the table i said all right i was just about finished i was down to the espresso and i finally he went back and i walked by the table and i said How are you, Don?

[2068] Nice to see.

[2069] He said, You see, I'm eating, Frank.

[2070] I went for the whole thing.

[2071] How great is that?

[2072] It's pretty great.

[2073] But the YouTube fucks it up with those big screens in the bottom.

[2074] Like, you can watch this or you can watch that.

[2075] Yeah.

[2076] Do you know the Billy Crystal one?

[2077] Which one?

[2078] It's pretty great.

[2079] Another one with Don Rickles?

[2080] No. So Billy Crystal.

[2081] I'm going to mess this up.

[2082] Billy Crystal.

[2083] By the way, I'm going to.

[2084] I was kind of, I didn't grow up with Billy Crystal and I didn't really, and I went to saw him in Broadway when he did that 48 Sundays or 52 Sunday with his father, what it was called, 54 Sundays, and it's, it's, if you've never, was it.

[2085] Well, it was a one, on Broadway, but it was, it was the most remarkable thing I've ever sat through in my life.

[2086] I mean, you laugh, you cry, and then you're laughing again, then you're crying really hard, and then you're like, and he couldn't have been nicer and took a picture of me after on the set, And anyway, big, huge Billy Crystal fan.

[2087] So anyway, I go back and I watch one of his, very similar to that.

[2088] So he said Red Fox was going to play in Las Vegas.

[2089] And so he flew from L .A. to Vegas just to see Red Fox.

[2090] It's like at midnight at the, you know, whatever, Star -Dust, whatever hotel was at the time.

[2091] And, of course, he would tell the story better.

[2092] But he says, so I get in the plane and go there and look and say, oh, shit, it's at midnight.

[2093] So I have to, I'm not going to, I got to set my alarm and take a nap.

[2094] So he sets his alarm for like 11 .30, gets up, goes down, gets dressed, goes down to the club, walks into the comedy club where Red Fox was going to play.

[2095] And there's like four people.

[2096] So Bill is looking around.

[2097] He's like, well, this is going to be weird.

[2098] And they said, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Red Fox.

[2099] And they play the, dun, dun, da, da, da, right, the music from the thing.

[2100] And he walks up and grabs a mic and he goes, fuck this shit.

[2101] And they play, dun dun dun that.

[2102] They walk them off.

[2103] And he's like, I flew all the way.

[2104] Yeah, it's a bit of the thing.

[2105] Billy, of course, does it way better.

[2106] But how great is that?

[2107] He walked, fuck this shit, and threw the mic down.

[2108] And he was like, well, I flew all the way here and can happen.

[2109] I get it from Red Fox's perspective, but fuck.

[2110] Can you imagine having the opportunity to see Red Fox live?

[2111] I think that's why Billy, or he did that.

[2112] Yeah, no one's there.

[2113] He's like, I got to go watch this.

[2114] That's the days before social media.

[2115] You couldn't get anybody to come to see a show.

[2116] They didn't know they were going to go see a legend Right You know But yeah Funny Red Fox had a comedy club in LA Apparently at one point in time Yeah Richard Pryor used to play there And there's some cassettes that I bought at a truck stop one day I love Richard Pryor too And Red Fox It was There was shows that were recorded At Red Fox's Comedy Club And you can get them They're on YouTube I believe Some of them are at least And these recordings They're really interesting because it's not, it's not like the most produced recordings, but you hear glasses clink, and you hear ice cubes and stuff, and Richard Pryor is fucking around.

[2117] Isn't that great?

[2118] Oh, it's amazing.

[2119] It's amazing.

[2120] He's riffing and ad -libbing on stage and, you know, just.

[2121] One of the funniest guys I think we ever had.

[2122] I mean, honestly.

[2123] Oh, yeah.

[2124] Groundbreaking, right?

[2125] Yeah.

[2126] He's certainly an argument as the goat.

[2127] It's hard to say, like, who's the greatest?

[2128] Because you have to always go back to, like, Lenny Bruce started it.

[2129] If it wasn't for Lenny Bruce, who knows where the art form of stand -up comedy would be today.

[2130] He broke all the rules, yep.

[2131] He was the first.

[2132] Right.

[2133] That does comedy the way we do comedy.

[2134] Like, we just talk about things and say what's on your mind, talk about social issues.

[2135] But Richard Pryor was the first to talk, like, personally about himself and make it vulnerable and really funny and really honest.

[2136] There's a scene out of the, true.

[2137] there's a scene out of and I've been saying this for probably like two weeks now when I flew last my iPad the worst at technology I'm gonna fuck I don't know how to I don't know how to download shit I don't know how to I get on a plane I don't know how to get on their thing to watch movies so I have two movies on my on my iPad that I watched a thousand well one is a queen documentary that I watch and then there's one um Richard prior but it's an old movie uh uh California sweet.

[2138] And there's a scene you should watch with Eddie Murphy and Bill Cosby that from the beginning to the end, it's like five.

[2139] Eddie Murphy and Bill Cosby?

[2140] No, no. Sorry, Bill Cosby and Richard Pryor.

[2141] Oh, okay.

[2142] And the scene is fucking great.

[2143] They get, they, they, the car breaks down.

[2144] They got their wives with him.

[2145] And he, it's from the beginning of the end, he's like, he slams the hood.

[2146] He says, didn't the man just say don't slam the hood?

[2147] Not a bad Cosby.

[2148] It's not good.

[2149] It's right up there where Eugene Simmons.

[2150] Did the man just say, Laslamrude?

[2151] And he says, if you can find, it's, I'm telling you, it's like, it's just, it's brilliant, not only just the writing of it.

[2152] Timing.

[2153] It's timing.

[2154] And how they fucking, and I think the movie did okay, but I mean, you go back and you're watching, it's like, God damn it's funny.

[2155] But now the keys in the car.

[2156] Who put the lock the keys in the car?

[2157] I know, I didn't lock the keys in the car.

[2158] The guy said to them, now the keys are in the car.

[2159] well how we can get the keys and it just goes and then all of a sudden you're driving there's a big hole in the thing is i'm not paying for the fucking it's just it's great for me you think you could find that one california sweet richard prior bill uh cosby how long is it not long why you run out time you get dinner you get dinner planes no just i don't know if this is the right no that's not the right one yeah it's on the highway put the highway but this is the movie yeah highway one although every scene they do together is great but the highway one for some reason makes me like a highway one for some reason makes me like a highway one for some reason makes me like a highway one for some reason makes me like it's because it's just it just it just it just starts right from the beginning where it's not too long it's like two minutes oh fine i'm sorry it's like two minutes long it's not long but it's a great i don't know you look back and you think god damn it they were how funny they were well you also have to think if it's 1978 right like how long have they been doing comedy movies like what was the first comedy movie was it like oh you mean for them for anybody that's a great question what was it well when they've been comedy comedy movies, they really, I mean, was it Laurel and Hardy?

[2160] Was it the Marks Brothers?

[2161] Yeah.

[2162] What year do you think the Marks brothers were?

[2163] I have all the Marks Brothers tapes.

[2164] I love the Marks Brothers, yeah.

[2165] That's what 30s?

[2166] Yeah, 30s.

[2167] Yeah, 30s of Super 33.

[2168] 30s.

[2169] So that is only like 45 years after the earlier...

[2170] Yeah, the slops stick with the...

[2171] But, yeah.

[2172] Buster Keaton, I guess, was probably earlier than that, right?

[2173] Yeah.

[2174] Buster Keaton was wild because he did all his own stunts Michael you're Batman right that's Michael no that's Michael Keaton you son of bitch Buster Keaton I have a Michael Keaton story when I hear it's great okay it says great about this honestly so this is not a joke so I go to a U -2 concert in Vegas right and this everyone everyone it's a stadium right they put this all these celebrities in this little fucking pit so everyone's screaming it was like Sigourney we all these people is weird like 20 years ago it was He's like, care I top, right?

[2175] And I'm saying hi there, buddy, and I look next to me, and it's Michael Keaton.

[2176] And he's not only baffled, but he just doesn't understand who I am, what the fuck.

[2177] Because, you know, everyone in Vegas is, okay, I don't.

[2178] No idea.

[2179] So I'm a risk taker, right?

[2180] We're a young comic, and he looks over at me, and he says, who the fuck are you?

[2181] And I grabbed his shirt, and I said, I'm Batman.

[2182] No, he was not happy.

[2183] And the guy from R .M. Michael Stipe He's like, fucking lost his shit.

[2184] He's like, God damn it, dude, that was fucking great.

[2185] So you saw that?

[2186] I said, I don't think he was happy.

[2187] Fuck him, man. Like, yeah, I went, I'm bad, man. Well, he set me up perfectly.

[2188] Who are you?

[2189] Oh, here we go.

[2190] All right, this is a funny scene.

[2191] I think you're going to, just watch the beat.

[2192] This is such a great scene.

[2193] Well, that's just fine.

[2194] Unless you're making a pot of tea, I think we're in big trouble.

[2195] I didn't build a car I actually don't think we can play this whole thing Okay Because of We're just waiting to slam the hood I looked at the gauge more and I looked at the road I ran off the road I did not run off the gauge So if you looked at the gauge You wouldn't have overheated I mean looking at the gaze real good stops it from overheating No but you've got to speak up You've got to say Hey the gauge says we're overheating This is not the kind of news That you keep to yourself I hate rent the cars Why don't we just leave it here At least get to the hood part I told you all we need to do is give it a chance I hate rental cars.

[2196] Like, yeah, like, Oh, God.

[2197] Say he didn't slam the hood.

[2198] What's the matter with the doors?

[2199] Didn't the man say not to slam the hood down?

[2200] Didn't the man say the doors sometimes lock when you slam the hood down?

[2201] Did the man say I would burn my hand?

[2202] I was like, guys got the keys.

[2203] The car's got the keys.

[2204] Why didn't you take the keys?

[2205] I only went from my seat to the hood.

[2206] I thought it would be safe.

[2207] If you on this side, stand over there.

[2208] What food closed the window?

[2209] That food closed the windows.

[2210] Even with my eyes on the gauge, I saw that food closed the windows.

[2211] The air conditioning doesn't work with open windows.

[2212] Well, now the car doesn't work with closed windows.

[2213] Does it food?

[2214] Smile, everybody.

[2215] We're in Los Angeles.

[2216] Different time.

[2217] I wonder, I wonder, too, like you said, like, that's with movies and comedy and all that, you have to really, It's like they were best friends Yeah Like they were they just They weren't even like It was ad living It was perfect It was just Well it's a different time To in about like What's funny And what's not too Like things were funny People were more innocent then Than they were now Well remember Eddie Murphy's Special when he said About Bill Cosby calling it Remember?

[2218] Yeah right Yeah Well he's working with The original Potty mouth guy Well yeah I mean He's the guy he called That's the right Right right no he called He said Do the people laugh?

[2219] Did you get paid?

[2220] You tell Bill, God, me. Have a coconut smile, shut the fuck up.

[2221] Well, it's funny because, like, that's similar to, like, Don Rickles telling you not to swear.

[2222] Yeah, it was really weird.

[2223] Well, people are, like, they, Bill Cosby was a sticker for that, too.

[2224] People thought that there was, like, rules that everyone had to observe.

[2225] Because at one point in time, if you had to work, you really did have to observe those rules.

[2226] Like, you couldn't swear, you know, and when Don Rickles was telling you this.

[2227] I mean, he's talking about, like, life in the 60s, in the 50s, you know.

[2228] And I think he really didn't.

[2229] curse and I think yeah I thought you really think and the story was going to go where he he went on an F bomb rage after but no he was serious and then I then he went on to this whole different thing that was so inappropriate well it's so weird that like back then like words like swear words were so meaningful that had so much oh yeah yeah yeah I mean today it's it's just a commonplace thing for someone to say fuck and right most shows have swear words in them yeah yeah especially nowadays right sure even even network television is kind of like yeah because well because of cable and because of the internet and Netflix and all that jazz but back then if you wanted to work on television you had to be fucking clean like do you remember in the 80s like people would tell you hey you got to work clean yeah cruise ship clean that kind of stuff you don't fuck up your act state fairs i used to do state fairs yeah and i used to do an hour shows in front of state fairs like kids of all ages yeah it was a comedy club back in the south when i worked the guy i thought that was pretty funny the owner said or the club owner said to me I did the first night and the next night I came in to set up and he says maybe you've heard this term but he says could you maybe pull the fucks a bit I said what do you mean pull them like like just like say fuck but don't I'm not making I said what do you mean like he's like just like pull him a little bit like just saying fuck the owner selling you yeah and I remember thinking how do you pull your fuck like it says get the fucking out of here like that yeah yeah Yeah, but some jokes you need, that's the whole joke where you say fuck, right?

[2230] You've got to say fuck, but it's not funny.

[2231] Right, yeah.

[2232] Not every joke needs a fuck, but there's some, you've got to say, fuck.

[2233] Yeah, like you lock your keys in the car.

[2234] You can't say, uh -huh.

[2235] Why, didn't the man say not to slam the other one?

[2236] Yeah, no, you've got to say the word you mean.

[2237] Yeah.

[2238] Well, this has got, that was a good time, man. I'm glad we got to meet.

[2239] Thank you.

[2240] I'm glad we got to hang out.

[2241] Yeah, thanks for listening to all my students.

[2242] It was a lot of fun.

[2243] It's a lot of fun.

[2244] It was.

[2245] It was.

[2246] We went through five bottles of bids.

[2247] We had a good time.

[2248] Couple cigars, half a joint.

[2249] If people want to see you in Vegas, what's the best way they can buy tickets?

[2250] Yeah, you're probably Luxor, I think, the Luxor.

[2251] Or carrotop .com.

[2252] Okay, so you can buy tickets.

[2253] I think you can.

[2254] I don't know.

[2255] I think so.

[2256] But yeah, Luxor every night.

[2257] Every night except Sunday.

[2258] Every night except Sunday.

[2259] Oh, there we go.

[2260] Look at you, fella.

[2261] Your hair changes color sometimes.

[2262] It does.

[2263] Well, that's just, yeah.

[2264] I put some green and some purple and pink in there for the...

[2265] Carrotop .com.

[2266] Yeah, Caratop .com.

[2267] There you go.

[2268] So six nights a week, most weeks.

[2269] Yeah, we take off a little bit here and there, but we're there for most of the...

[2270] And if someone wants you see you when you're on the road, all that schedules up on Caratop.

[2271] Yeah, we'll be on there as well.

[2272] Yeah, we're going to be in a whole bunch of places and coming up.

[2273] Okay, so Caratop .com and then Instagram, are you on Twitter, too?

[2274] Yep, Twitter.

[2275] Caratop.

[2276] Caratop.

[2277] I think they're all Caratop.

[2278] All right.

[2279] Well, thanks, brother.

[2280] I appreciate it.

[2281] Yeah, it's very, very good to meet you.

[2282] It's a lot of fun.

[2283] Bye, everybody.

[2284] Sure.