#224 - Brian Redban

[0] Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

[1] The Joe Rogan Experience.

[2] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[3] Powerful internets.

[4] I got to wear this t -shirt that I got from these kids in Canada.

[5] Blue Gorilla Radio.

[6] It's out in the hallway.

[7] I don't get it.

[8] But I just did this show in Edmonton.

[9] Man, these fucking shows, there's many times where we're doing these shows and hanging out.

[10] after these shows where I'm like well this feels like it's some sort of a weird dream or something this doesn't seem realistic it doesn't seem like that you know there's it's when you're just sitting around and it's just you and me and this is how this all started it's you and me and a laptop just sitting around and then you think of the fucking numbers of people now that tune into this thing it's very surreal because to us we're still in the same spot we're still doing the same thing We're still sitting in my fucking hoarder's office with boxes.

[11] This is turning into hoarder's office.

[12] Oh, it's ridiculous.

[13] It's ridiculous.

[14] I got to throw almost everything out.

[15] It's like a lot of it is like gifts, though, from people that, uh...

[16] Yeah, you have a lot of cool swag here, man. Yeah.

[17] And a lot of Apple products that are unopened.

[18] Just the big one.

[19] What's that thing over there?

[20] You got a bag over there with an apple something.

[21] There's some stuff in there.

[22] It's fun here.

[23] Well, my hard drive of crap.

[24] So I had to get a new hard drive.

[25] Yeah.

[26] So I had to get a new iMac.

[27] My shit's been acting.

[28] All my Macs have been acting really fucked up lately.

[29] And there's two things that are really, what?

[30] It's a government, man. Well, one is iPhone has a problem that no one has been talking about.

[31] I haven't seen where the text messages are disappearing right in front of your eyes.

[32] Like, go sit there, open it up, and suddenly the text message just disappears.

[33] Well, I told you, you sent me a photo, and the photo vanished.

[34] Right.

[35] I looked down, and I saw the preview of the photo.

[36] And I said, oh, and then I went back to my thing.

[37] I was in the middle of playing pool, so I didn't look at it.

[38] Then when I went back to look at it later, it was gone.

[39] Yep.

[40] That shit's been happening to me more and more, and I don't hear anybody else talking about it.

[41] It's the government.

[42] The government's stealing our text messages.

[43] Yeah.

[44] They're going to find out how fucking boring we really are.

[45] Yeah.

[46] Talk a lot of shit.

[47] Talk a lot of shit on the podcast, occasionally smoked pot.

[48] Ooh, dangerous.

[49] And the second thing is the flash on Safari and Chrome and everything has been really horrible.

[50] lately to the point where it's been freezing up my computer until i moved the cursor down to the toolbar and then for some reason i don't have to click on anything i just moved the curse down to the bottom and it unfreeze everything and it's really weird i don't it's hmm do you think that's a memory issue is that no it's the government joe the government man government's in flash yeah government's in flash we're gonna learn from flash they could learn a lot from flash right because i guess a lot of those probably pornos that are online or flash aren't they yeah a lot of them are still flash but A lot of them have been switching over to HTML5, which seems to be a decent.

[51] That's so you can watch them on iPads.

[52] Yeah.

[53] Once they realized that people were going to iPads.

[54] Right.

[55] It's amazing.

[56] I think they should figure that out by now, right?

[57] Yeah.

[58] It's amazing how porn just evaporated before our eyes as far as, like, as an industry, my next door neighbor is a porn guy was my next door neighbor years ago down the street.

[59] And I think they just repossessed his house or something.

[60] that it's um these guys like were like high on the hog i mean these guys i know dudes who are in the porn business who are making millions and millions of dollars i mean they had incredible cars they had these beautiful houses these guys are making fuck loads of money selling DVDs well the internet just took the wheels out from under them like completely and that's an industry that's like nobody talks about that because the there's some hidden sort of uh a moral like judgment that you pass on porn till it's like fuck them they didn't deserve it they didn't deserve the money they were making you know they deserved it they got it on the back of exploited women and they you know blah blah blah blah for whatever reason we make a distinction it's legal and it's a business but it doesn't need to be bailed out as much as cars do car companies like we can't lose Chevy but if we lost vivid pictures who gives a fuck but then the hypocritical aspect of it is fucking this is a billion dollar industry everybody's using it like to pretend that everybody's not using it is insanity like the amount of people that are online that are looking at porn it's something crazy it's something like porn is 40 % of everything online something nutty like that I forgot pulled that right out of my ass I think I might have read that but I can't keep track of all these numbers you stop and think about that number that's a lot of goddamn people and everyone's pretending this this industry doesn't need to be saved you know that they they couldn't get any respect if they wanted to try to get a bailout for the government because the economy went south like what the fuck are you talking about what are you going to do man what are you do with no porn well you're going to get by i think it's like everything that like look at like you know yeah porn is now not making money because now the access to being able to do porn is so much easier radio station DJs aren't making as much money and they're failing because now podcasting has been able to reach and easily you can do it at your own house now and have your own radio show and that's just like tv that's like every single thing ever now because everything's now more diluted you're more it's more accurate to what you want to see like i want to see a band that's a two people are dead and the drummer's still alive you know that's probably out there on the internet if that's your fetish if that's your thing that's your music choice where before it was kind of like whatever you were pumped or whatever was available at the cd shop right right Right, and whatever you were sold on the local radio station.

[61] So money's just more scattered now.

[62] And, like, porn is easier now because, like, me, I could now watch some girl that's a waitress in fucking Indiana, you know, put a dildo in our ass for free.

[63] You know, I'm going to watch that.

[64] I'm going to spend my fucking, I've never spent money on porn in my life.

[65] Now I'm fucking spending $20 a month sending it to her.

[66] And that's what a lot of these porn websites used to charge $20 a month.

[67] So you go to webcam sites?

[68] Fucking webcam sites.

[69] These are real people.

[70] are real fucking people.

[71] You're like blue collar, even in your jerking off.

[72] You're like, in America.

[73] You don't even like them that hot, right?

[74] You like them like a...

[75] I like normal looking fucking girls.

[76] Yeah.

[77] Hot normal girls.

[78] Six.

[79] Yeah.

[80] Six, but she's got a nice smile.

[81] But once in a while, I'll click on the Africa checkbox on the very bottom because you could, on, you know, Lottie's website, you can choose what countries you want to see.

[82] And so I'll just see a bunch of African women sitting around and going, hey, hello, you know, and they're a lot of lesbian.

[83] African fat women, I've noticed.

[84] Wow, they just probably get tired of dudes raping them.

[85] They just go lesbo.

[86] Yeah.

[87] Wow, African.

[88] What are they jerking off with gourds or anything crazy?

[89] No, they're pretty basic.

[90] And it's funny, like the vibrators into the different countries, how they look.

[91] Like the ones that they were using really did seem like antiques, you know, like wooden or, you know, something like that.

[92] Where like, and then you go to like, you click on Asia and all those girls, they're either Vietnam, Vietnam.

[93] where they're using bamboo sticks and stuff like that or they're actually like Japanese where they have these high -tech vibrators like ones you've never seen before that look like fucking dolphins with hats on.

[94] It's crazy.

[95] How many different webcam shows have you watched?

[96] Oh, I do it every night.

[97] It's my new Twitter, man. I go to it every time I want to masturbate now, I go to my free cams and I have no connection with these guys.

[98] It's my favorite.

[99] My free cams, I fucking love it.

[100] I follow about five different people.

[101] How does it go?

[102] go if you go to my free cams it's the well one it's the worst design website ever and i i don't know who owns it if they ever listen to this really spend the money on your website that shit's so fucking crazy uh but you just get this checkerboard of cameras and it's you just scroll down you choose what options you want you click on one of them and then it's usually free and what you do is just hang out in this chat room i'm looking at it now it's just a bunch of photos of girls those are their ass is sticking out these can't all be real girls Yep, those are all, oh, no, go to, like, home or what's online right now.

[103] What's online right now?

[104] Just click on my free game over here.

[105] Okay.

[106] That's who's online.

[107] Yeah, these are girls that are online.

[108] Models online.

[109] Yeah, these are girls online.

[110] And then when you just go to them?

[111] Yeah, you go to them.

[112] And when you log in, then it shows a little previews of them.

[113] And so every time you log in, you just see a bunch of previews.

[114] Oh, this girl's just playing with her titties.

[115] Yeah, she's just playing with her tities.

[116] Wow, this is bizarre.

[117] Bizar.

[118] And the thing is, is you'd never have to spend money there, you know, ever, but this is so strange.

[119] One of my, also one of my favorite things to do is what you do is you put 20 bucks in at a time.

[120] You get kind of like points, you know?

[121] Yeah.

[122] And so my favorite thing to do is you can also spy on like private shows, like these girls are doing with other people, you know, and it costs more, but you kind of jump in real quick and you're just like, what's going on in this creepy room?

[123] Like, what's this guy making this girl do?

[124] You know what I mean?

[125] how can you spy on private rooms uh it will say that the show's private and then underneath it it says spy on private show what yeah so you could just sit there and that shit's ridiculous that's not private then yeah but if you know it going in you know you're like all right whatever because it's a lot of money like i'll do it like 10 seconds time like right when i know i'm about to come okay i'll find a private show real quick i'm like okay now yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's a little bit understand how they can sell it as private it's that's the whole you could be a hundred percent private like oh or you could be like this mid private and so the mid privates are what most people do because if it's a hundred percent private it costs more for the person to do the private show oh okay so you can't so there's some people want to get really freaky they're 100 percent 100 percent private or just go on god do yeah take advantage of your area he probably doesn't get few i'll jerk off to a couple of those girls old ladies yeah just because you don't see it every day it's like what we're looking at a girl's in the 1700s you don't see it you know so like there's like old ladies or there's uh you know like black really old black fat ladies that kind of turns me on once in a while it's because you don't see that you don't masturbate to that every day some of these bitches are just they just sit there and do nothing those big giant tatars yeah but that's what's cool is when you find when you create account you could see it refreshes all these avatars you can see who's doing what like like like you're like oh i'm clicking on the girl with the dildo and her she muted everybody yeah how dare she yeah because you have that's where you have to create account because you can't chat until you actually put some tokens in you know I'm not doing any chat well when you chat what do you talk to these girls about I usually just say I want to take you to Olive Garden and things like that yeah and it makes them laugh every time they're like you want to take me to I love Olive Garden they all love the other one of these days you're going to be doing this to a girl who knows the show oh it's already happened dude you tell her who you are because I've talked about this website before i'll say like olive garden and people would be like that's god for life bitches and stuff like that oh shit that's a lot of our listeners already on the shit there's a lot of these girls that are really hot yeah can't believe this this is so crazy it's like peering into this world of hot girls that are taking off their clothes and they're just sitting around here the window's really small though does it oh you expand it there's those five dots on the right side of the webcam oh you just drag that shit do whatever you want do some screencare no i'm never mind Wow, screencow.

[126] Oh, I'm saying that.

[127] Because then they'll fix it.

[128] Oh, sweetie, why are you smoking?

[129] That bums me out.

[130] A lot of marijuana use.

[131] Marijuana use doesn't bum me out, man. But when I see a chick with a cigarette, I'm like, sweetie.

[132] There's this black girl.

[133] I wish I could remember her name on it.

[134] And she never really shows her face too much.

[135] But she has a hot body.

[136] And she always has this huge fucking dildo, just suction cupped onto the coffee table.

[137] And the camera's always just her butt, just teasing it like she's just going to take the whole thing but she talks like oh my god i'm such a bad little girl daddy do you want to take this daddy and it's like the creepy do you know how they have those uh previews like if you you click on some porn sites they have like a preview you have to watch their cam a commercial for their cam site before they show you their actual porn yeah they had you know you know you get different ones every time i don't know who is editing these fucking things but one of them was this chick she was she was at least like i would say 35 40 pounds overweight she was black as coal and the bottom of her feet were in front of the camera so it was like the bottom of feet which were really pink it was like an odd pink and her feet are like bucking in front of the camera while she is fucking this shit out of her black black pussy with this dildo it could not have been a least sexual thing it was like it was it was it was it was it was It was like grunting and shit.

[138] It was, I mean, I guess it was sexual if that's what you're into.

[139] But for me, it was like, what the fucker?

[140] Like, I would put my boner away.

[141] Like, you made me watch that for a minute.

[142] It's like, what are you trying to do?

[143] Who's looking at dad and going, yeah, she'll fuck me. There's certain girls where you go, she'll fuck you.

[144] You know, you look at the guys they fuck on film and the things that people do to them.

[145] And, you know, girls that, like, drink a glass of cum or guys pull their eyes, lids open and shoot loads in their eyes.

[146] that girl fuck yeah that poor kid that poor kid doesn't know what the fuck she's doing she's a little fuck zombie on my free cam just try to search for this name apple bottom teen that's the black chick and if she's online just turn up your speakers and fucking sit back and enjoy life i can't watch this and do a show at the same time oh yeah uh do you want a blanket for your bone or dude here that's just sitting here watching street what if your jacket makes my bone are bigger.

[147] Hey, I've been sitting on it, it's warm.

[148] It might feel good.

[149] I bet it would.

[150] So is the, what is the profit?

[151] How do they make profit from this site?

[152] The girls get a fraction of whatever money is donated to them.

[153] And I don't think it's very good.

[154] I'm sure there's other websites that are a lot better.

[155] Like my free camps that does not pay the girls as good as a lot of the other websites.

[156] Oh, really?

[157] Wow, this bitch's name is, fuck me hard.

[158] Really?

[159] Yeah.

[160] If you find Apple Bottom team, dude, you're going to love.

[161] Love it.

[162] Some bitches just leave their camera on and leave the room.

[163] That shit is rude.

[164] This bitch...

[165] Oh, there's a lot of that, too.

[166] Fuck me hard.

[167] How dare you fuck me hard, 69?

[168] You just need a scene in your fucking computer desk.

[169] How dare you?

[170] They just get lazy.

[171] It's probably, they probably live their whole day in front of the webcam, just trying to collect money.

[172] Yeah.

[173] Wow, what a weird way for chicks to get attention.

[174] And some of them really fucking love it, I bet.

[175] They love that every time they log on, there's thousands of guys waiting to beat off to them you know yeah that's like it gotta be kind of a trip and i bet if a lot of chicks have shit jobs and they start doing this and raking in the cash that's what you're saying you know how i mean just like doing podcasting from your house how easy is it too that you can just now have a job that you can do from your house and that's what these girls are doing are like why do i want to be you know waitress at chilies when i can fucking make twice as much at home just fucking shown my butt hole yeah isn't what a crazy your roll of the dice it is for a girl to be born hot.

[176] Such a powerful fucking roll of the dice.

[177] Yeah.

[178] Because it's really all you need for a lot of these girls.

[179] I mean, all they need is just to have the right bone structure and the right dimensions and the right look and boom, everybody.

[180] I mean, it's just like hitting the lottery.

[181] I guess it sort of is for a dude too, but the dude's still got to go out and fucking make something happen.

[182] You can't be a loser and look like that.

[183] no losers that look like what's her name christie canyon remember that porn star there's no losers to look like that even though she's a porn star you know what i'm saying right but she was so hot she was the best example i could put out was it what's um the fuck is her name that oh cindy crawford it's impossible to be a loser if you look like cindy crawford you really can't be a loser she's just too hot you know what i mean i mean like you could be a guy And you could be like the male equivalent to Cindy Crawford, like bone structure wise, handsome wife, and still wind up fucking broken alone easily.

[184] You know, you're not going to be a loser if you look that good.

[185] She's just too hot.

[186] This society, like, values it so much.

[187] Somehow or another, some wealthy man will find his way into her life and marry her away.

[188] But for a dude, shit.

[189] She is, you know, it's not worth as much.

[190] It's not as much of a roll of the dice for a guy to.

[191] be born good looking for uh for a girl if that's all you're trying to get done in this life not saying that that's all every woman is trying to get done ladies don't get crazy don't don't get angry at me that's not what i'm saying like that's all you're capable of that's not what i'm saying but i'm saying it's a fucking big deal it's a big deal to be hot yeah but you know a lot of these girls in these rooms are not even hot at all but that's even makes it hotter because you like this this girl looks like somebody that would never do this and she's knowing it that's hot i love this shit man i i i've never been more addicted than to porn ever in my life even when i was 18 how long did this start off when this started up when this started happening i don't know man i think i've always like anthony i'm from opian anthony uh there used to be this website that i used to be addicted to that he's always talking about i forget the name of it was a webcam website pal talk pal talk i used to pay for a membership for pal talk and one of the best things is while the show's going on used to go on these girls that that were fans of opian anthe would just be sitting there shoving vibrators on in their butt and all of us would be watching even while they're doing a radio show everyone would be watching that shit yeah didn't you show me that once at the tattoo place yeah you were showing me we were at the tattoo yeah yeah and you were broadcast this when you're getting your tattoo yeah yeah yeah and pal talk on pal talk and then you're showing me look at this girl what the fuck is she doing that's just regular girls finger banging themselves finger bag the girl had two fingers in her butt holes and you're like whoa Jesus that was one of our first broadcasts you know yeah doing that and doing green rooms but that I remember sitting there just with my laptop just pointing at you how many texts a day do you get to say death squad bitches Twitters Twitter's yeah oh non -stop text I meant yeah Twitter's Facebook messages yeah it's funny how that all came out of some fucking silly meeting at the Opie and Anthony show A dumb thing to name yourselves, Death Squad.

[192] But because somebody else named us, we're allowed to keep it.

[193] Have you heard the band, Death Squad, I think.

[194] No, there's a couple bands called Death Squad.

[195] Really?

[196] Yeah, there's a, there's a song called Red Band, which is actually pretty good to listen.

[197] B -A -N or B -A -N -D, R -D -B -A -N.

[198] I think it's either the artist's named Red Band or the song, it's called Red B -B -B -B -Ns from Medina or something.

[199] Wow, what year to come out?

[200] Like a year ago, two years ago, something.

[201] I don't know.

[202] I wonder if he's a fan.

[203] I don't know.

[204] Podcast fan.

[205] Maybe he likes you.

[206] I don't know.

[207] It's weird.

[208] Do you ever, do you ever want to sing again?

[209] Because you had that hit song.

[210] And I think somebody should dubstep that song.

[211] I really did have a song.

[212] It was only a hit in one town, though.

[213] Tempe?

[214] Yeah.

[215] Tempe and Phoenix, Arizona.

[216] For whatever reason, there was these guys, Tim and Mark?

[217] Shit.

[218] Why is it always like, so hard to remember?

[219] remember.

[220] Well, that's what Elph thinks for.

[221] It's supposed to take four or day.

[222] I fucked up.

[223] I totally took three.

[224] They were great guys, and they had a radio station down there, and they played it, and they were, like, one of the few people that ever played it, and for whatever reason, it took off in one town.

[225] Like, I sold way more records in Phoenix than I did anywhere else.

[226] It became one of the reasons why I filmed my 2005 special in Phoenix, because I just had a bigger draw there than almost anywhere.

[227] It was real weird.

[228] You know, and when I started doing stand -up, people were like, do the song.

[229] I can't fucking sing.

[230] Like, I only did that song because it was like, you know, it was broken up into like choruses.

[231] We could splice it all together.

[232] It was all done like in, you know, like on a computer with, what is it called?

[233] What's Pro Tools?

[234] You know how they do it and move everything around?

[235] So it was like, you know, if I just did it by myself, then I'd have to practice and actually like start singing it.

[236] Like, I just want to do it for fun.

[237] And the idea was the Warner Brothers executive idea.

[238] His idea was if I came up with a song, then they could play something on the radio and it helped sell the CD.

[239] So the song was about voodoo pussy.

[240] The song was called Voodoo Poonanny.

[241] You could probably find it on.

[242] It's probably not even on iTunes because I don't think that CD is on iTunes.

[243] I'm going to get it put on iTunes.

[244] It's my first CD from 1999.

[245] Warner Brothers was bought out by Disney in the middle of my, my time there.

[246] One of their records.

[247] one of other records.

[248] I think it was Disney.

[249] They went like super family values and my CD was dirty as fuck.

[250] My CD started out with two guys fucking each other in the basement.

[251] It's one of the most amazing.

[252] I'm sure everyone's heard it but it was one of the most amazing skits ever.

[253] That's one of my favorite things I've ever done because I knew that I could never do it anywhere else.

[254] I was like, I want to write something that's so fucked up and it can't be on stage.

[255] I can't do it on stage because I had acted.

[256] out.

[257] It wouldn't be as funny.

[258] You want to do it visually?

[259] No, I don't want to actually see it.

[260] It's better to actually just hear this.

[261] And what it is is these two guys who are gay, but they try to pretend that they're not gay.

[262] They just really like lifted weights, and it always winds up them fucking each other.

[263] It always like, you've got a fucking great ass.

[264] It's round and muscular.

[265] Really?

[266] Yeah.

[267] Dude, I bet, I don't even think I can get my cock in your ass.

[268] Oh, come on.

[269] And it became you know just this thing and you know me and Brian Callan did it it's the Brian Callan's the other voice in it and um the fuck is her name God damn it Kelly Carson Kelly Kirsten yes Kelly Kirsten for real I know yeah but you'd say that name all the time Kelly Kirsten but you'd say it as Joey Diaz Yeah that was like an all of garden between me and Joey Diaz Yeah Kelly uh Kelly played my mom Our mom mine and Brian's mom She's so funny And Ginger Lynn introduced Voodoo Punani on the CD And I got to do a thing with her the other day I did Dave's old porn with her Dave's old porn is first of all David Tell is so fucking funny man He's just one of those guys that's like And he works hard man In between takes They got notes and notebooks and shit And they're going over scenes And what's a good scene And what about this and that And you know And then you sit there and you watch these porn and then you do like mystery science theater remember that show you've seen Dave's old porn for those who haven't seen it you're sitting on a couch with Dave and you're just kind of clowning on porn and you realize the difference between porn then and now so much more hair so much more hair so much more hair and it was like they were like they were like all sexy the real boob look back then was one of my favorite things because they all had really nice big natural boobs or small natural boobs they all kind of like hung a little oh yeah they did it was nice like gingerlin had small boobs but they were really nice yeah they weren't small they were I would say ginger is more like medium than small but yeah and it seems like bigger ariolas were more popular back then or lately maybe girls ariolas have been shrinking for some reason maybe it's nature cell phones could be radiation that kills the bees it's just strange watching like we were talking about whether or not society has changed or there or not people have just got more access to it now we see it more because of Twitter but people always been fucked up and I say that porn is probably the best evidence that society's gotten more fucked up because there was like very little dark porn back then there wasn't even there weren't even any slapping you know there's no dick slapping and there was no no pulling in the hair and shooting loads of their nose and stuff like that up like they're doing they do like mean angry shit now you know it's like and there's there's something hot about slobber all over your face and streaked mascara and also asa akira man i heard latest DVD is one of my favorites i forget the guy i think his name's the name's rocco or something like that fucking just fucking man he's like dragging her by the hair whoa she's just gagging he's just fucking oh nacho something nacho yeah That dude's awesome That dude is when I liked the way he fucks I don't think I have any Like I don't give a shit about porn guys much Like I don't ever look out for one But that that Every time I see him in a movie You get excited He's cool He's a he's a cool act He seems to be very violent with the girls He's great Dragging around by their hair It doesn't seem to be a nice thing to do Somebody that you want to fuck Do you think some girls like that Yeah I never thought so But yeah Wow They definitely do No girls like being choked Yeah Veronica Not all of them Slap me Slap her Yeah She always was like Slap me in the face I'm like no Oh don't say that Because then you put it online You fucking She does bondage videos Yeah that's dark dude You don't want to slap me I would be like I don't want to connect Me beating the fuck out of you With something The sexual Yeah That just seems like a bad idea I had a girl that wanted to rape me She wanted me to rape her Rather She would tell me She would want to rape me too but you know she would actually tell me that she wants me to rape her yeah she wants to fight me off i'm like come on that just that's not something you want to connect with sexuality with a dude my sister always wanted me to do that what jesus brian don't you think that uh wouldn't that be awful come brian rape me no it's like that's a taboo subject because rape itself obviously is a deplorable act but the fact remains that there are girls that could turn on by that deplorable act There's girls that have these fantasies of getting, like, finding themselves in the wrong place and the wrong time and a fucking pack of wild thugs come out with 14 -inch cocks and just force her to suck their dicks while one guy bangs her from behind.

[270] There's girls who have fantasies.

[271] Like, they're really scared, but they would really be excited.

[272] And they probably finger themselves thinking about that.

[273] And, you know, they don't ever risk their actual physical well -being in life by putting themselves in a situation where that could happen.

[274] but the fact is they could do that at any time girls can just drive around to a group of guys at any time and get out and go hey boys what's going on let's not talk about this and the guys be like hey what's up come on over here you want to suck my cock yeah I'd love to it's not hard for a girl to find a cock to suck we shouldn't talk about because once they figure that shit out what do anyone does I figure it out they're just going to wander around you did you don't think they know it already please dude girls know it already you don't think they know it already?

[275] They know, of course.

[276] They have massive knowledge of their power.

[277] Women have power like a superhero.

[278] A hot girl, a hot girl in a bikini or a hot girl in a miniskirt walking through a mall.

[279] Every guy stops and you just immediately go like, oh, there is one.

[280] Why?

[281] Because you know that if you are alone naked with her and she was blowing you, it would be outstanding.

[282] It would be such a great feeling to have that beautiful face sucking your cops 75 % chance right 75 % chance that that that girl does not have a give a good blow job no that's not true at all I think more girls suck at blow jobs than are good at it by a larger mark you're doing the wrong girl son it's very rare that you find a bad blow job it's hard to find a bad blow job if a girl's enthusiastic if a girl's enthusiastic just like if you're enthusiastic about her if you're both turned on she's going to give you good head Like, you're going to eat her pussy.

[283] Like, when you eat a girl's pussy, aren't you trying to, like, you want her to feel as good as you can make her feel?

[284] That is the 100 % goal.

[285] That's a woman's goal, too, when she's blowing you.

[286] You just...

[287] No, but I think maybe I'm more sensitive to teeth or something.

[288] Maybe just getting some lazy bitches that are chewing on your dick.

[289] That would suck.

[290] Have you ever had a girl do that, though?

[291] Bite it?

[292] Yeah.

[293] No. Not, like, mad at me or anything, no. No. I always feel like, you know, like, especially, back in the day when you did a lot of drugs and stuff we always thought these girls were just going to snap out of it and forget what they're doing and just start biting a masculine flashback and chomped down on your ball bag some guy recently got bid on the balls by uh i think it was a cop got bit on the balls by a um by a convict guy wouldn't let go of his balls either was biting them through the pants like they had the guy like they dropped yeah think of that man think of that shit's happening man ouchy bass salts we're all gonna be bitten the ball soon yeah there's other people that have done bath salts and say it's no big deal I have a feeling that bath salts are a bunch of different fucking things or it's just how your body reacts to bas salts just like any other drug you know it's just like fucking you have somebody that's borderline schizzo and they fucking smoke weed that person becomes fucking psychotic that's a real good point it's so true people don't know you know people say hey man should I do mushrooms I don't know you the fucking crazy I would never tell anybody to do anything although I tell everybody they should do mushrooms if drink but when I say everybody I don't mean everybody I just mean everybody it's not fucked up right if you're barely holding on to reality I don't recommend psychedelic drugs I don't recommend alcohol for sure I don't recommend anything but get your shit together you know go to a doctor find out what's wrong you know whatever whatever you got to do get your shit together that's more important than psychedelics dude that fucking cat helicopter shit that everyone's been fucking flooding the tweets with if you haven't heard about explaining it to all the folks at home somebody's cat died and to remember him he liked to make helicopters or something like that and so he turned his cat into a helicopter he stuffed it and it made like his paws like spread out kind of like you know that's like doing a snowman in the snow and each one of them had like a helicopter fan on it and so he sits there and flies this dead cat around And at first, I watched it and I was horrified.

[294] And then I was like, this is the coolest thing in the whole entire road.

[295] I hope this catches on because I could just imagine a bunch of cats, helicopters flying in the sky.

[296] And that would be cool if it became popular.

[297] That's how kind is going to attack.

[298] Yeah.

[299] But if there was cats everywhere in the sky at all times, they could be going down sunset and everyone had their old dead cats.

[300] Like, that'd be cool.

[301] There'd be tons of cats everywhere.

[302] This really is crazy.

[303] But then I was thinking, what if it crashes?

[304] And then it's like fucking nose falls off.

[305] because it hits concrete or something that would be disturbing that was now i now i think it's creepy well you just got to need to put a helmet on him yeah but then you can't see his little fucking cat face that's the funniest face ever you you put a large plexiglass dome over his head like he's a space cat right even better so now he's wearing a space suit his his head it's actually pretty cool or actually get the the clear film companies that do the iPad like clear films to make like a clear armor like have an armor for your cat where it's just like some kind of crystallized shit that's awesome that is awesome did you uh hear that there's another drone attack that killed some uh top al qaeda guy yeah wasn't that persian was it persian or was it uh simese cut can you imagine if the army starts really using cat cat weapon that should be awesome you imagine if like there was a country where like these flying pigs because like muslims would be terrified of cows pigs flying to the air flying cows only if you go to war with india india yeah they they killed some dude in pakistan that's what it is that's kind of fucked up man that we're not really in pakistan but pakistan is the place where we try out all of our newest shit right you know why is that because we can get away with it we must have some sort of a weird deal with the government or the government won't say anything we're sending spaceships into their air i mean we're sending like some science fiction things that we're controlling from halfway around the world with a remote control and they're launching missiles i mean it's really crazy that they're allowed to do that i you know i'm look i'm 100 % in support and getting rid of bad guys and taking all the terrorists out and all that happy horse shit the legit terrorists but this is a crazy little precedent to set that you're allowing spaceships to fly around and launch missiles.

[306] Hellfire, bunker buster, fucking missiles at these people.

[307] They're called hellfire.

[308] They're allowed to spray rockets from the sky and blow you out of the road.

[309] You're just wandering along.

[310] You don't even know they're there.

[311] They're like a mile away and a rocket comes and fucking you would disappear.

[312] That's amazing.

[313] It's amazing that that's how we're doing war right now in Pakistan.

[314] That's the peak of the technological war right now is going on right there.

[315] And very few people are even aware of it.

[316] You know, you just hear drone attack.

[317] That's what you hear, you know, on the radio or drone attack on CNN.

[318] But you don't really stop and think about what the fuck that means.

[319] There's a remote -controlled flying object that launches missiles at people.

[320] And they're watching a camera through it halfway around the world, pressing buttons and launching these things.

[321] It's incredible.

[322] the technology is just it's amazing what they can do now it didn't that one that crashed and iran wasn't there was another moment where life feels like a fake movie where would they they fucking captured our shit and Obama goes in the news and talks about it well we've asked for it back that's what he said we've asked for it back hey you know that thing that we were flying around and we wanted to just shot rockets at you from the sky yeah can you give that to us because so we could do that again it's weird They asked for it back.

[323] Could you imagine if Iran had some shit flying around over here, taking pictures of us?

[324] Something that's got the capability of shooting missiles.

[325] That's crazy.

[326] But it didn't have any missiles on it, though, right?

[327] No, that one didn't.

[328] I can see that.

[329] One of Iran didn't.

[330] I wonder how far they can go.

[331] I wonder how far they can fly.

[332] I bet some of them are solar powered, right?

[333] Probably.

[334] They must have at least something solar.

[335] Have you seen that Fisker, the new solar -powered automobile?

[336] it's uh it's it's it's not solar powered it's only partially solar powered the um like stereo and things along those lines the um roof is a series of solar panels yes i have seen that it's fucking beautiful car man you see you take a picture look at yeah it's like they finally got it right because these uh shitty ass fucking priuses and these disgusting things oh by the way number nine ninth person i've ever seen throw a fucking cigarette out the the window of their prius you twats.

[337] I'm watching all you hypocrite cunts.

[338] It's just such a, I know, some people do it for economy.

[339] I understand that it's not just, but I like to think that they're green and they're just hypocrites.

[340] Yeah, I mean, I would buy one, it would just be because I don't feel like spending $90 every time I fill my tank up.

[341] Yeah, well, this is a beautiful fucking car, man, this Fisker.

[342] Look at this thing, man. Take a peek at that.

[343] Look at that shit.

[344] It's amazing, man. I would say recalls.

[345] Yep, they recalled.

[346] They already recalled them.

[347] They already recalled them.

[348] There was a fire -prone hose clamp.

[349] This was a while ago.

[350] Oh, no, it wasn't.

[351] It's today.

[352] That's crazy.

[353] Recall, realized partly cloudy days.

[354] They'll be stranded.

[355] But it's January 5th.

[356] It's June 5th.

[357] Yeah, it's a fucking beautiful car, though.

[358] They're so slow, though.

[359] I'm just so used to the pep of a car that's quick.

[360] You know, now I don't drive like an asshole.

[361] But I do love the engineering, the responsiveness of, like, a well -engineered car.

[362] Pirate Dice was at a comedy store last night.

[363] He came.

[364] Yeah, he's going pirate now, right?

[365] Dice Clay, where's a pirate patch?

[366] He gets discounts at stores.

[367] He is what people say, he says.

[368] Because he says he's a handicapped now.

[369] He says he's a vet.

[370] And if they don't have a vet, then he goes a senior discount is what he's been telling people for something.

[371] I think that's what he said saying.

[372] Or no, handicapped discount, not senior.

[373] hilarious is his idea i only take 10 shirts and then let the bidding begin oh but he had his car there he had a what's the charger not the charger but what's the challenger i think it was buick no they're dodge dodge dodge yeah puy his car was amazing man made me want to oh yeah those are sick how much are those they're not that much right no i think fully loaded they're like 40 grand oh wow and they're beautiful that shape is just so iconic the challenger shape it's just like you know what it's like it's like my old barracuda but it's not going to leave you stranded every couple days right those old cars man they look so badass but there does the design involved in them like there's it's so crude like drum brakes they're so crude like you hit the brakes like we and they barely stop the car takes forever now they have cars Like the new Porsche, the 991, which is the new 9 -11, the new Porsche 9 -11 that just came out, can stop from, I think it's 60 miles an hour to 0 in less than 100 feet.

[374] That's like crazy.

[375] They do it 96 feet.

[376] The new Corvette can do that too.

[377] Less than 100 feet from 60 to 0.

[378] The old days that shit would take you a mile.

[379] It was 60 miles out.

[380] Not a mile, but it would be locked up.

[381] It takes a long -ass time to stop the car.

[382] Now it's anti -lock brakes and traction control and all the new shit that you can do now.

[383] The old cars are retarded.

[384] They're just useless to have unless you're just a hobbyist who loves the idea of like this old mechanical thing that you're switching the gears and all that.

[385] There's a lot of people that really do enjoy that.

[386] But what the challenger's done is they've gotten like most of that old look and put it into a new car.

[387] you know they figured out they figured out how to keep that shape it's not a good shape for handling it's terrible like the design is not it's not smart and that's like a big heavy car too so like they're not that good around corners and shit like that not like a corvette or not like a car that's designed to do that but you know for regular driving they're great Aubrey has one of those yeah so does Tom Green I was either thinking about selling my car because my car gets horrible gas mileage and getting something like that because I'm about to pay off my car final way and I'm like I finally own this piece of shit right it's not a piece shit it's a great car but uh and get something like that or just get a really shitty small car like something like one of those little baby fiats or whether you know like the teeny little cheap cars well dude if you wanted to get a mustang um if you wanted to trade your ford in because maybe ford would give you a good oh yeah i never thought about it for on ford yeah the mustang the boss 302 is not expensive it's not expensive at all yeah the new uh the new Mustang boss 302 i think is like 35 ,000 bucks and they fucking fly and the new Mustang GT just the GT the GT is a fucking really good car man the GT is um 400 plus horsepower just for the Mustang GT and it's you know it's it's a little bit crude in its design it has a live axle which is a it means the back end sort of bumps around a little bit but it's a really fun car to drive well I Why would they do that?

[388] Why would they do what?

[389] Live action?

[390] Well, it helps drag racing.

[391] It helps keep the power down.

[392] I mean, it's not that bad.

[393] You know, what it is, is it's an older way of designing suspensions, but they made the best out of it.

[394] It handles well.

[395] You know, I mean, it doesn't handle as good as a car with independent rear suspension.

[396] But, I mean, the Mustang 302, the Boss 302, it laps racetracks faster than that already are.

[397] 8.

[398] You know that Audi space -looking car that Everlast has?

[399] You know that thing?

[400] This this bus, the Laguna Seca boss Mustang can lap race tracks quicker than that, which is pretty amazing.

[401] Yeah, and it's they only have, I think it's only 400 and something horsepower.

[402] Yeah, but it's a dope car.

[403] It's like one of the best bargain cars.

[404] I think it's um you know if you like if you wanted to get a bargain for like performance it's you can only go american there's no real bargains in as far as like foreign cars for performance yeah like american cars like hondays are not bad hundas or what the um the little sports car thing they have but you don't get that kind of performance you don't get 400 plus horsepower like you get in the mustang you know that's uh that's just not going to get that it's not you're not going to get that kind of that kind of umph you know it's like if you want a a fast car that's a foreign car there's a few japanese cars that are pretty quick you know like the 370 zs pretty quick but they can't fuck with like this mustang but then you got to get to like big money like like the nissan gtr which is like a hundred thousand dollars then then shit gets crazy because then the japanese have one of the best production cars one of the fastest best handling cars in the world but you have to you have to get right to there before you get that kind of performance I went to Universal Studios for my first time the other day did you really yeah and it's funny because I went on the first one I went on it was the Terminator 2 ride which you know it's been a while since that movie came out right and I never I almost freaked out because they make you get in this have you been on that ride before no they make you get in this huge room and like I have no idea what if this is a roller coaster in that yeah I did go in that sorry yeah And then you're sitting there with all these people, like, and then the door is shut, and you're just like, all right, this is where the gas comes out and we all get murdered or something.

[405] You know, like, we couldn't leave.

[406] And it's something there was just this bad actor, acting job where, like, this lady comes out and I'm like, hi, welcome to whatever.

[407] You know, we are here in the future.

[408] Anyways, all her shit are, her computers behind her since the ride is so old, like what used to look like it was supposed to be the future, but now looks really sad and depressing, like a garage sale, like monitor and, like, Like, you know what I mean?

[409] And it's totally outdated.

[410] And you don't, and then she's like, before we go into the next room, I want you to look at this.

[411] And like, it's a video that I'm guessing when the movie came out, which was, what, 93 or something?

[412] Something, yeah.

[413] Yeah.

[414] That all these things seemed really futuristic.

[415] But now half the shit that they showed, you could do it on your iPhone.

[416] And it was so weird.

[417] Like, imagine in the future, your grandmother's far away and you want to talk to her.

[418] How about talking to her on your wall?

[419] You know, and you're like, yeah, I could do that in my phone now.

[420] know and everything it was like imagine like uh being able to like control like a doctor can sit somewhere else and control an operation far away you can do that now you know doctors are doing that now and it's weird like all this shit was so perfect do doctors do remote control operations yeah i i think uh i think it's at the very beginning stages but there has been uh successful operations where they've done that from remote reloc locations and stuff like that using advanced computers and robots.

[421] Wow, that scares a shit out of me. That's scary.

[422] Somebody opened you up and remote control operating on you?

[423] Yeah.

[424] So then I was really scared though because I was like really figuring out how you know, shitty this ride was.

[425] I'm like, damn, this, you know, why does Universal have this?

[426] But then you go into the next room and you watch this really old 3D movie and the 3D was really good you know, for its age.

[427] And then there's this one point where there's also live actors mixed in, like in the theater so like like this guy would come out in a like a motorcycle and then like uh he had like a shotgun and he'll shoot somebody like a real like like like that you're like holy shit that you can hear it sound like a gunshot and and then he'll like disappear off the stage and it looks like he goes back into the 3d movie shit like that so it was kind of interesting and then they have two more 3d screens that go around you and this is an old ride so everyone's probably like yeah dude welcome to 93 but the 3d was coming out at all size It was really awesome And I guess there's a new Transformers ride there That just takes that to the whole next level And so I Wasn't there a Spider -Man one that did that too?

[428] I don't know Was that in Orlando?

[429] I think that's in Orlando I don't know And then there was the Simpsons ride Where you, it was a virtual roller coaster Where you know, it's one of those things where the whole thing moves But you go into this like fucking dome Where the whole dome is a movie And it's really trippy If I want to do shrooms and do that because I think I'll die and go to heaven because you go into this huge room and you're like holy shit and then you feel like you're going through this roller coaster there's parts where that maggie a huge maggie would like try to grab your roller coaster and they spray like baby powder smell so you start smelling baby powder and you're like it's fucking badass what they're I always is it scary like for like a little kid because I was a four year old to that fuck you know I was scared but I was thinking of other things because I was like Holy shit.

[430] Is this one of those elevator drop rides where you drop?

[431] Because I thought I was going to freak out.

[432] It is weird how they could pull that effect off while just showing you a screen and then moving things around.

[433] It works.

[434] And I wasn't even stoned.

[435] If I was stoned, I would fucking be.

[436] We should go sometime, man. I got a season pass now.

[437] It's only $20 more.

[438] What was the big one that they had?

[439] They had that one famous one there.

[440] Was it Jurassic Park?

[441] They have Jurassic Park.

[442] Yeah.

[443] I think.

[444] Wait.

[445] Did they have Jurassic?

[446] No, I parked at Jurassic Park.

[447] Yes, they must have had it.

[448] Yeah, I feel like there's a Jurassic Park ride, right?

[449] No, but they have it a water road one still there, which was fucking creepy.

[450] Who wants to see a shitty?

[451] A universal?

[452] Yeah.

[453] Oh, that is the Jurassic Park one.

[454] There's a water scene in it.

[455] You're in like a log.

[456] No, the movie Water Road.

[457] Oh, Waterworld?

[458] The movie Waterworld?

[459] You have the fuck out of there.

[460] Yeah, it was still there.

[461] They have a King Kong one.

[462] That's the one in the Jaws one is the one that you...

[463] King Kong is pretty new.

[464] Oh, is it?

[465] King Kong one?

[466] It's within the last couple years.

[467] Oh, that's, they redid it.

[468] Yeah, it's the new King Kong from like four years ago or five years ago?

[469] Yeah.

[470] I didn't go to it.

[471] I only went to those two because it was, I went on a Sunday.

[472] How many King Kongs have there been?

[473] There was the original one, which is fucking awesome to watch today.

[474] You ever watch it today?

[475] The original one?

[476] Yeah.

[477] Yeah.

[478] The one in 1984 was my favorite one.

[479] I think it was 1984.

[480] That was my favorite one.

[481] That was the Dino De Laurentis one, with Jessica Lang.

[482] Yeah.

[483] I like that one.

[484] Back in the day, I haven't seen it since.

[485] Yeah.

[486] was trip and jessica lang played a broad that was just ditsy enough to fall in love with a fucking giant gorilla right you know she was just ditsy enough where you could buy it and believe it this uh the latest one was fucking incredible man the latest one when you go back and you see like the newest king con compared to the oldest king con the oldest one is like wow what a window into a different world you ever see um is it called metropolis that old really really old sci -fi movie yeah wow it's incredible what they thought the future style yeah movie was so amazing well even like the old alien like i'm fuck it's like prometheus coming out this weekend but if you watch the original alien you know when they were on that spaceship what a bunch of whack -ass fucking a fake equipment they had oh yeah everything was all lights and shit and and the monitors these shitty little green tint monitors because essentially this is before the user interface, the graphic user interface that what we think of as computers today, everybody thinks of a Mac or a PC and clicking on things.

[487] There was no clicking on anything back then.

[488] What people don't understand is the first computers, when the movie Alien came out, they were like, it was all just like green print on a screen.

[489] You weren't downloading anything, bitch.

[490] It was like 1979 or something, right?

[491] There was no downloading.

[492] There were just these weird things that sat around.

[493] in laboratories.

[494] So they never predicted, you know, like not even remotely what the future was going to hold.

[495] They didn't see that even, they didn't see anything coming.

[496] They didn't even see it a little.

[497] It's kind of fucking crazy when you stop and think about what a big difference the graphic user interface is played, the ability to click on things and just when you look at a smartphone, like I was looking at that big giant ass note.

[498] I love that thing.

[499] I got a note And wait, new iPhone.

[500] You've seen the new pictures of a new iPhone?

[501] No. It's like, it's pretty much the same, but the whole thing's almost all screen.

[502] Really?

[503] Yeah.

[504] But it is not bigger.

[505] Um, no, but the screen is, like if you look at your iPhone now, it doesn't take a pat even, you know, like what?

[506] 70 % of the phone.

[507] But now it's most of the phone.

[508] It's all like from wall to wall up and down.

[509] Well, that's going to be nice.

[510] I mean, the note, I mean, the note is cool because it's a small tablet.

[511] And I think I'm pretty sure.

[512] my money is all on that Apple is releasing a smaller version of the iPad that will kind of compete with the note because they're going to use it also as a remote control for their new TV that will come out soon really but so that's that that that will take over that but I don't think the note as a phone is I think it's the dumbest thing ever like I saw this person use it and have you ever seen them like hold it up their head it looks like they're going to break their hand you can watch the tumors grow in their brain as they're holding it up to their head yeah the fucking thing is enormous but uh it looks beautiful though man it's fucking i tell you what man i got this i got this new ipad that the latest one with the verizon service on it this that makes a huge difference because it's my first ipad with the service on it but the hotspot feature is faster than my high speed business class internet at at the office that's squad that's incredible yeah but you only get to use a little bit of it before they fuck you in the ass you know what you would think that but i used it pretty hard core and you you don't really know unless you're downloading movies i downloaded one movie and i got an email yeah well that's that's that's the one thing but if you do everything else it's that's ridiculous if you have an ipad yeah and you download one movie and they're like oh you're fucked like what do you mean i'm fucked that's the whole thing because if everyone downloaded one movie all this time then there would be there there there's not that much internet they need to fix that that's ridiculous that's you use when you use mobile internet you know it's offensive how much it costs they just need to expand Wi -Fi so it hits everybody so we have Wi -Fi everywhere not cell phone and then everywhere every B is going to be dead we could put fucking hot spots on all the helicopter cats you know in Aspen it's a free Wi -Fi for the whole city people just sit out there in the middle of nowhere and just fucking I bet this website's probably blocked Joe Rogan .net oh yeah I think they did block I think they've tried that in a lot of cities there's a lot of cities that do that I was happy when I couldn't get to my website from Dubai I was like look at that bitch I'm too dangerous too dangerous for your Wi -Fi.

[513] There's a good argument for that, but we don't know what the fuck is happening with all these different wire signals in the air.

[514] People can say nothing, we're adapting to them, but there's something going on, man. When you can send, yeah, no aerial, when you can send images and ones and zeros, and you send them through the air, and there's something else that picks them up and receives them, that is a that's a crazy thing you're sending a signal and where the signal is just in the air it makes no sense is that hitting me is it all over me when someone's like wifi and like crazy near you are you getting pelted by like random information as it makes its way from you know from the internet somehow or another into their computer where's it going from what's it is it passing through your your dimension at all i mean that is like some interdimensional fucking transportation of i mean the physical object of a piece of paper that you print and you turn you know into a photograph you just got from the internet i mean that is a way where something physical just gets created and it wasn't there before sent to you and printed up like that is that's a crazy thing man it's really crazy that we can just do that and we just don't even think about the fact there's television signals and radio signals and internet signals and cell phone signals and all these different signals going around.

[515] And I don't know if they're affecting us.

[516] I have no idea.

[517] It might be that we would all feel a little bit better if we didn't have them.

[518] Yeah, it would be interesting.

[519] Too bad there's not really any place in the world that you can probably not have complete zero signals.

[520] You have to go to somewhere that really sucks.

[521] Like Alaska.

[522] Antarctica or something.

[523] Yeah, Alaska has cell phones.

[524] No, I mean, Antarctica.

[525] They have cities.

[526] But they would still probably have some kind of signal I would have bad up there.

[527] like at least satellite or something maybe maybe but satellite doesn't work everywhere it depends of where the satellites uh where you can receive it like i don't think you can get xm radio in hawai really yeah i'm pretty sure i um i rented a car there once and i was trying to listen to opi and anthony you know i rented a catalack and i was like looking for the satellite button and i'm i pressed the satellite button there was nothing going on and i was like you know i don't think this shit works here i forgot to look it up though but i don't think it does but i'm not sure but you could always get it online right which is what everybody's going to do eventually anyway you're going to have your people's they're going to be selling phone or rather radios that come with your car that connect to the internet allow you to download podcast if you have a ford you already have stitcher this the new fords have that stitcher app built in fucking mad man i i i want that so bad it's not that's the thing i hate i hope if if anyone that designs with these Ford's and these awesome new cars with these new stereos that have these apps like Stitcher.

[528] It's called Sync for Ford.

[529] I have that but there's no way to upgrade it so I can get that shit.

[530] And that's not fair.

[531] What do you mean you go and get it if you buy a new car?

[532] Yeah.

[533] You have to, they have them this.

[534] Ford's been releasing their hardware and series.

[535] So like you have like you know sync version one two, three and you can't like it's not like an iPhone where like you have just upgraded.

[536] You can upgrade it.

[537] You can't do that and it really makes me mad because I I can't, what am I going to just tear out the stereo?

[538] Yeah, that's whack.

[539] The computer in your car should be interchangeable and upgradable.

[540] It should be like something you pull out and put a new one in.

[541] They're just being cheap and they're not, they're telling their software developers to move on to the next stuff and just leaving abandoning.

[542] That's almost a leak should be illegal because this car is, my car is like a 2008, you know?

[543] It should, I haven't been able to update it in three years, you know, so.

[544] Yeah, that is kind of fucked.

[545] It's like a planned obsolescence.

[546] Yeah.

[547] I mean, it really is.

[548] the fact that the computer itself isn't upgradable.

[549] How long do you expect people to compete, you know, to keep that car?

[550] Because when you really think about, like, all the different law, what is it, Moore's law for computers, we stop and think about how quickly computers become obsolete.

[551] Yeah, like imagine having a classic Corvette and it had a black and white television in it.

[552] Yeah, come on, what the fuck.

[553] Yeah.

[554] Well, those knuckleheads, though, that like those really classic cars, the people, they want, like, classic hubcaps, they want everything.

[555] They want a time travel.

[556] so they can go back in high school and fuck their 15 -year -old girlfriend.

[557] Oh, I see him all the time, man. Live in Burbank, that's like that big boy there every week.

[558] Fucking Leno driving around in a fucking fire truck waving at you like he's the pope.

[559] Fucking Burbank's the creepiest place ever.

[560] How weird is it, Jay waves at everybody?

[561] He's the nicest guy.

[562] He's the nicest guy.

[563] I see him all the time walking the streets and talking to people.

[564] Hey, I know.

[565] They were shitting all over him on the radio today on Stern.

[566] Really?

[567] Him and Joan Rivers.

[568] Oh, yeah.

[569] I haven't heard the rest of that.

[570] John River is pretty funny.

[571] She's ruthless, man. She's still fucking slinging heat.

[572] Joan Rivers is still going to war with chicks.

[573] It's hilarious, man. She's still struggling.

[574] She's still fighting.

[575] She's like 79 something years old.

[576] And she still does stand up.

[577] You know, she's still obsessed with work.

[578] Have you ever met Jenny McCarthy?

[579] No. Yeah, I met her once.

[580] I met her.

[581] She was really nice, and I stopped doing a joke about her.

[582] What was it?

[583] I had a joke about that I heard that Jenny and McCarthy was going to get her breast implants taken out.

[584] I said, that's like Tiger Woods chopping his fucking arms off.

[585] Dude, that's not bad.

[586] I would, why don't you put him back in and make them bigger and no talking?

[587] She was on Howard Stern yesterday, and I forgot about her, you know, because she married Jim Carrey, and you're just kind of like, right, she's dead to me. Did she marry Jim Carrey?

[588] I think they're just dated.

[589] Oh, maybe.

[590] I thought they married.

[591] But now they're separated, and she was on Howard Stern just talking about how much, I mean, she's a dirty girl, and she was talking about how much she masturbates, how much she needs to cock, that shit.

[592] And then you go online, you're like, what she look like now?

[593] And you go to her Twitter and you're like, holy shit, she's still fucking hot as hell.

[594] And she's a nympho and she lives in the valley somewhere.

[595] So what are you saying, dude?

[596] I need to find out what she does.

[597] She wants a podcast.

[598] Do you think you could get with that?

[599] Shea McCarthy?

[600] You think you could pull that off?

[601] I don't think so.

[602] But you never know.

[603] I don't think you could pull off half the girls you've pulled off already, right?

[604] I'm true.

[605] Yeah.

[606] So why not her?

[607] Why not just make a complete fantasy land?

[608] Why don't I just go full -on Coen Brothers movie?

[609] Well, my mission was Lindsay Lohen.

[610] I thought that would be a bigger mission.

[611] That's harder, I think.

[612] Please, I know guys that fucked her.

[613] I don't know anybody who's fucked Jenny McCarthy.

[614] True.

[615] You know Jim Carrey.

[616] I don't know that guy.

[617] Do you know him?

[618] No. I thought maybe you knew him from the comedy story.

[619] No, I've never met him.

[620] He kind of stopped doing stand -up a long time ago.

[621] Some of those guys that's interesting, stand -up gets him to the dance, and then once they get to the dance, then they just become an actor.

[622] A lot of dudes do that.

[623] what was uh did you you ever do comedy store shit with mark marron were you there at that same time period as him or no he was there a long time ago he was really young and he was there with kinnison he's a dork guy was alive yeah by the time i got in the standup kinison only had a couple years of life left he died when i lived in new york so i think it was probably 90 i want to say 92 that kinnison died somewhere on those lines so i still hadn't made my way out to ellie yet and uh maran got in deep with uh with kinnison when he was a kid you know he was uh hanging around with them and you know he got got to see the the crazy dark kokeyers yeah he got to see the chaos and all that shit that story about um about kinnison fathering carlo bow's wife's child is just so fucked up so fucked up man he thought that it was his daughter for the longest time then that DNA test reveals it was sam kinnison's kid you just think of his wife just laying there and letting fat sam climb on top of her and shoot his loads inside of her and go what kind of a fucking friendship that they have what kind of a world were they living in what kind of decadence and depravity what kind of hollywood chaos was going on kinnison was just banging his friend's best friend opening act wife on the side and she shooting loads into her.

[624] It amazes me that dude got a lot of fucking pussy.

[625] Like he was on the Howard Stern calling and he had like four girls in his bed.

[626] You're amazed at that.

[627] But yet you're not amazed when you get pussy.

[628] No. I mean, well, that's one at a time.

[629] I don't know.

[630] Sam Kinnisman was a big guy.

[631] And I don't know.

[632] I would not very attractive, really.

[633] I never thought Kinnison was, I guess he was bigger than I thought he was.

[634] You know, back in the day, Well, he got bigger.

[635] Oh, you mean big, like, physically, or you mean big, like, notoriety?

[636] Notority.

[637] It was huge.

[638] Yeah, see, I didn't see that because I was into the comedy scene.

[639] I only knew what I saw on TV, and I always thought the big guys were, like, Robin Williams, and, you know, Eddie Murphy.

[640] Yeah, he was big, too.

[641] They were all big.

[642] Kenison was huge, dude.

[643] Kenison, I found about Kenison in 86, and all my friends knew about Kinison.

[644] Everybody knew Kenison.

[645] When I went to see Kenison live, I brought a bunch of my friends, everybody was fucking slight to see Kinnison live we saw Kinnison live saw I saw carlin live before I ever did stand up I got to see Carlin live I got to see Carlin bomb really oh he ate shit it did not work out it was not it wasn't good he he got to this weird stage in his life in like the late 80s this is before I had done comedy and I was with maybe I'd done like an open mic night maybe one or something like that but it was uh me and uh my roommates and we were out in new hampshire we saw him at there's a casino up there and they have uh they do shows there and that was the place where everybody would go up from boston during the summer we'd all go up to uh to this casino was it hampton beach i think that's it i don't remember anyway um we were uh we were all there and george carlin had this weird thing that he was doing where he would he just had like a notepad and it was just reading off and fuck this and fuck that it was like this whole and fuck Israel and fuck this and like the whole uh the whole bit was like it wasn't really working you know it was weird it was like there was all this energy and there was all this you know push into it and it was fascinating for me to watch because it was like this is george carlin i mean george carlin is like an all -time great comic but this at this point in his life it wasn't working out that night I don't know what it was but my friend looked over me was this guy fucking sucks and I was like wow I couldn't even say anything because I had dragged them there they weren't comedians you know I dragged them to go see George Carlin and he was eating it it was weird and I you know I stopped listened to him for like a year or two and then I bought he had like warning explicit lyrics I think was one of his CDs which was great and I was like he got it back it was almost like you know he just had a bad see he did so much stand up everyone has a bad set it wasn't just a bad set it was a bad it was a bad set like not that night but set out the way it was written it was just he he went through a period of like I don't know how many decades where he made a new hour every year so Because of that, he was so fucking prolific.

[646] He would essentially, like, write a whole new monologue, a long monologue every year.

[647] And to do that and still have something to say after all those years, you're going to hit some stumbling blocks along the way.

[648] I mean, you're going to have some awkward moments.

[649] You know, like, if you go to see, like, Louis C .K., this is very possible that Louis is working on new shit right now.

[650] You know what I mean?

[651] Like, he's always got new shit.

[652] if you do that it's so hard to maintain the quality it's so hard you know to every year a new hour what the fuck man god damn you wonder how many you would have to start doing things like specifically to write material like that's universal studio yeah exactly yeah go to you know you're gonna go I try to do it once a week now just do stupid shit like that just to get material absolutely yeah it's kind of cool because it makes you do more things and it's a two -edged sore because you still enjoy it you know it's like you're going to do some cool shit well what have you done that you didn't like doing uh fuck what was that recently uh there was something recently that i did oh well no that was still fun one of that black strip club but no i i can't think of there was something i did recently that was really boring i can't even think of what it was but i remember thinking like well that was kind oh doing uh mushrooms in a shitty hotel in venice oh yeah yeah that was horrible that's not a good move but i still got kind of material from it and kind of i guess what what kind of material did you get oh it's just like on stuff i haven't really tried out too much but uh you know like you know you can tell like you know you're in a bad area where everywhere you look there's evidence you know right uh stuff like that you know they're just like all these tags i've kind of build up and trying to make into sets but i don't know things like that you i've been doing more now i've never done that but usually once a week i try to do something crazy like i want to go to magic castle i want to like i've never been yeah i've never been but i want to go there and just get drunk my friend zach at uh jiu -jitsu was a magician oh really yeah he's always invited me to go there but you know what you have to wear like a jacket and a tie i know and there's always creepy actors there that you that you that you're that you're i heard like every time you go there's somebody weird there you're like why is that person here like who like some guy from the 80s no not even that like shit what's his name i think i i don't want to say but i don't i don't know who what his name is but somebody you're like wow really like that guy's here i saw that stephen baldwin is suing kevin costner for kevin costner has uh apparently he owns a piece of some company that makes a machine that takes oil out of water which is pretty surreal doesn't doesn't make sense or that last big spill he he donated yeah or something yeah to that pretty crazy yeah when you stop and think that somehow another kevin costner is a a part of this.

[653] I don't know how he got to be a part.

[654] I don't know what the story behind it is.

[655] Waterworld, bro.

[656] It might have been.

[657] I bet they paid him a fuckload of money for Waterworld.

[658] I mean, Waterworld, it wasn't like...

[659] It was one of the biggest budget movies of all time at that time, and it made the...

[660] Or lost the leap most, I guess.

[661] I don't know if it lost the most, but it lost a shitload.

[662] She looked that shit up.

[663] Find out of it done.

[664] But I remember when it came out, it was like, God, what a fucking crazy idea.

[665] This movie sucks.

[666] Yeah, I never watched the whole thing.

[667] fuck thought they could film a whole movie on the water that's so hard to do just to get your shit out there get your goddamn equipment out there in the water everything's getting wet and fucked up you're dropping your camera in the water all the time it's so stupid and the premise sucks anyway what's the oh everything's water now okay so you know i could kind of see that in the future you know like where like earthquakes everything fell into the ocean or something like that there would be way more sharks if that was the case there'd be way more sharks there would be everybody would be jacking like sharks and all sorts of things to be grabbing people pulling them under starfish and shit octopuses grabbing them under water there'd be a lot of that because people would we'd be like little bobbers everywhere kevin costner was on the set of that movie 157 days working six days a week for a movie that's a long ass time for a movie that sucked a big fat bad bag of dicks here we go wildly considered to be one of the biggest box office bombs of all times although it grossed 255 million from a hundred and seventy five million dollar budget this does not factor in marketing and distribution charges or percentage of the gross that theaters keep which is up to 45 percent the film uh came to be nicknamed kevin's gate after heaven's gate and fish tar after ishtar two mega bombs yeah ishtar was a huge never saw that either did you ever watched that?

[668] Yeah, I think I watched part of it when I was a kid, but I don't remember.

[669] It was Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman, and I don't even know what the fuck it was about.

[670] And what was the other one that they said was a big bomb?

[671] The other one I didn't even, I never even heard of, but it was called Heaven's Gate.

[672] Yeah, I think that was a Warren Beatty movie, too.

[673] Was that a Warren?

[674] No. No, that's Chris Christofferson, Christopher Walken, and John Hurt.

[675] Actually, got a 6 .4 on IMDB.

[676] But just bomb.

[677] That's a pretty cool cover or poster.

[678] Never saw it.

[679] But Ishtar.

[680] I remember Ishtar was a bomb.

[681] And it was not just a bomb, but everybody talked about what a bomb it was.

[682] So it became a massive bomb.

[683] Like, oh my God.

[684] Have you seen Ishtar?

[685] What a piece of shit.

[686] Like, they didn't even see it.

[687] And they were just saying it was a piece of shit.

[688] Yeah, I remember when as a kid, I used Ishtar as a reference as something cheap or shitty.

[689] Like, you know, like I would say things where, that's like Ishtar.

[690] Oh, really?

[691] yeah like that was meanwhile it was like super expensive probably because they had to pay Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty right yeah yeah I wonder how much Kevin Costa made for 157 days on that piece of shit movie yeah right we had some guys from Fear Factor stunt guys that worked on that and they were saying it was hell it sounds like yeah it sounds pretty ridiculous just the idea behind it man you gonna make a fucking movie where everything's floating stop it you silly bitch like with it with the best one wasn't even that the best one was the postman did you ever see that no i never watched horses right it was like him on horses it was in the future after the shit hits the fan kevin cosner is a fucking hero because he delivers letters to people he's the postman oh my god dude it's so bad you can't believe it's real and the acting is so bad the acting is like ABC after school special acting like there's no way it seems real it's like shut up mom get out of my room like it just does not seem there's nothing realistic about it at all and the the premise is don't shit yeah and did you did you just hear about fucking t hq and ea yeah yeah crazy yeah the ufc is going to make um their new video game with ea and apparently t hq bought it or ea bought it from t hq you know i feel bad THQ shut down, shut down the developer that, you know, they did it, shut down their office yesterday.

[692] My E3 just closed down.

[693] And they didn't have a booth at this year's E3 because I was originally, because I'm going to E3 tomorrow and I wanted to talk to them about UFC and all that crap about that.

[694] And they were like, and we don't have a booth.

[695] We're meeting at a hotel.

[696] And I'm like, whoa, someone's going down.

[697] But then, yeah, I think, you know, T .HQ did a really good job with that game.

[698] And T .HQ, I thought, you know, with Saints Row, I mean, they've been, Saints Row just released a, a, map pack than Ryan Keely who does you know podcast with me she's in the new map pack so they're actually combining video games with penthouse now which I thought was cool that is smart yeah but um I think they're they're losing a lot of money man the UFC game was the only game apparently that was making good money now are you going to be uh do you know yet are you going to be doing the EA games of this yet or is that I'm sure I'll probably do it yeah yeah it's it's a pain the dick but it's uh it's worth it in the long run it's the you know the the the finished product they're very thorough yeah like we we did so much commentary you don't get too much repeat like words like there's all sorts of different versions of you know things that you do and in like transitions like arm bar to knee bar transition from the triangle to the arm bar like all that different kind of stuff like we voice them all individually you know so it's there's there's so many moves you can do it's like really kind of crazy that you look at that that thing that remote control and you're supposed to be able to figure that out like down here and up there and left and push this and push that it's it's a it's a fucking it's it's it's not that you got to like take a lot of time to figure out all the moves that your your your guy is capable of doing because there's so much shit there's so many different submissions and punches and kicks and and to know what button is doing what at the exact same moment it's fucking hard man there's a lot a lot involved but now that But it's with EA, you need to hold out for more money because they are the big pimps of the video game industry.

[699] Thanks for saying that on their internet where they hear exactly what my fucking plans are now.

[700] Yeah, like that's cool, though, because EA does make the best sports games.

[701] And a lot of people, EA gets a lot of shit for being like the monopoly, like buying out and killing all the small companies and shit like that.

[702] But EA, they do make some fucking kick -ass games.

[703] like Tiger Woods Golf fucking Madden football You know I mean They they own some of the biggest franchises So I think it's way better For UFC the video game in the future I think Well Dana's very excited about it When he told me about it He was saying that these guys are the best And they're going to make the best game It's funny because EA had recently said They were going to have a new MMA game And you know no one knew that it was going to be the UFC Yeah But everybody was like oh it's probably going to be EA MMA too Right The second version of it they had an EA MMA game with like Fador in it and yeah I wonder if they're going to use that engine or if they're going to buy out the THQ engine or start create a new engine because that'll be interesting that's a good point it might just be a restripped MMA game I wonder the EA MMA looked decent but man a lot of the fucking fighters did not look like the real fighter yeah I think they rushed that game they were like oh shit we can't we got to release a game now you know like really I think they saw what when UFC all the heat from UFC Those guys fucking work.

[704] That's the one thing that it really puts in perspective when you hang out with a guy like Cliffy B, you go to the Epic Game Studio, you know, like when we went down there, or if you go to THQ and you see, like the hours that we put in the video game, pretty minuscule.

[705] I mean, I can complain at like six hours of sitting there going, he's rocked!

[706] But the reality is that's not a hard job.

[707] But these fucking guys are working long hours every day.

[708] And then when things don't go well, Are we back?

[709] Jesus Christ, ladies and gentlemen.

[710] The technology here is just ridiculous.

[711] We had an issue here at the Rogan Compound with, at one point in time, the router kept fucking up and I would have to reboot it twice a day.

[712] So today we replaced everything, and yet the same thing happened.

[713] Really twice a day?

[714] Yeah, sometimes.

[715] Sometimes I would have to reboot it twice a day.

[716] that sucks well the router was shitting out so i replaced the router today and it shit out you mean the cable the router they give you you you had replaced no or your my house has a system oh um and there's a ethernet jacks all throughout the house so you can get online anywhere and then you know that was when i bought this house wireless wasn't that big and then now we set it up wired but so there's in the garage it's like a big box that has all this these wires going into it and this giant big ass router that runs everything it's unnecessarily complicated but that's the way you want to have it if you have a house that has you know if you want ethernet ports in your house you kind of have to have it they all the wires have to go to some big box why don't you just do wireless you can but it wasn't work for the whole house you can get those little repeaters everywhere throughout your house yeah i've never tried that we have different stations we have stations throughout the house.

[717] I want to make sure that it's a strong signal, too.

[718] There's nothing more annoying than a flitting wireless signal.

[719] You have to fucking...

[720] You got to sit on the corner of the couch if you want to get it.

[721] Like, what?

[722] Get the fuck out of here.

[723] You should just have like, you know, like Time Warner on one side of your house.

[724] You verse on the other side of your house.

[725] I have like all of them.

[726] So like whenever one's down, you'd like, all right, let's just go into this side of the house and use something else.

[727] Or you can test them all out at the same time, see which one's the best.

[728] Yeah, that sounds like a huge painy ass.

[729] that sounds like something you would do if you had too much free time I would do that though I finally get Verizon out here I get Verizon internet out here too Fios or whatever it's called No I mean on your on your phone Oh right works Verizon updated it for the longest time out here I couldn't answer a phone call on Verizon But now I can't especially if I'm outside If I'm outside I'll get confident I'll answer the fucking phone Damn I'm gonna fuck too Yeah it indeed has two bars right now Yeah it's good for texting but it's for phones it's uh pretty ridiculous have you heard this thing i mean it's on infowars dot com i think so it might not be real but um not that info wars is all horseshit but they get a little crazy sometimes it's uh it says five million farmers are suing montanto for 7 .7 billion dollars that's uh pretty incredible five bill five million farmers seven point seven point $7 billion, which is like what they make in a month probably.

[730] Right.

[731] But that's a lot of fucking people.

[732] That's chicken scratch.

[733] Yeah.

[734] They say that a farmer commits suicide because of, uh, because of, uh, Monsanto on some fucking ridiculous, ridiculous rate.

[735] I'm trying to find it here in the articles because it was something crazy.

[736] Like every 30 seconds, a farmer commits suicide.

[737] 17 ,683 Indian farmers just in 2009 committed suicide.

[738] Whoa.

[739] That shit's ridiculous.

[740] So they're all suing for as much as $6 .2 billion, $7 .7 billion.

[741] I don't even think this is in America.

[742] This is going on.

[743] Wow.

[744] Oh, suicide every 30 minutes.

[745] Wow, that is what is this.

[746] It's probably really hard to find red chickens.

[747] it's not chickens it's the seeds man it's not the it's they're trying to patent animals but right now it's uh mostly mostly seeds that they're selling they're terminator seeds you know they're they're only good for a certain amount and then they don't make seeds that work it's really kind of crazy that they've anybody's ever let them make these fucking horrible distorted versions of life in the first place it fucking creeps did you hear this thing about uh pentagon suspects uh they they they've some people uh in the pentagon apparently uh downloaded porn run two three go some people uh in the pentagon that we're working there download kitty porn it's for research bro yeah and uh there's some you know investigation but they won't turn over the records because they say it's uh it would compromise national security so they can the pentagon is allowed the only people in the world apparently that are allowed to watch kitty porn because they're they're They can download it and look, we know what we're doing, trust us.

[748] This is all about the United States government and keeping the peace and the security of our fine nation.

[749] Can you imagine watching kids get fucked by adults as a part of the security of your fine nation?

[750] And you can't tell.

[751] Why can't you say it's a part of a research project where this guy downloaded it or that?

[752] You know what they're doing, I bet?

[753] I bet they have some sick fuck that's a child molester and they're like, you know, they'll give him a little child porn if he gives them a little information yeah you know i wonder if child porn is going down lately because of the other trends in child porn well yeah i mean you know like the nowadays that the i mean the old thing what was school girls japanese school girls okay wait a man this is way crazier than i thought the pentagon checked oh wow Pentagon employees suspected of viewing child pornography what okay this is crazy in 2006 the immigration and customs enforcement agency which conducts internet pornography investigations produced a list of 5 ,200 Pentagon employees suspected of viewing child pornography 5 ,200 employees Wow.

[754] How many employees are there?

[755] I don't know.

[756] That's incredible.

[757] I wouldn't even thought there were that match.

[758] Wait, wait.

[759] What website is this?

[760] This website that I'm reading right here, Boston .com.

[761] This is not a conspiracy website at all.

[762] This is a real website.

[763] The suspected of viewing child pornography and asked the Pentagon to review it, but the Pentagon checked only two -thirds of the names, unearthing roughly 300 defense and intelligence employees who allegedly had viewed child pornography on their work or home computers.

[764] The defense investigator failed to check an additional 1 ,700 names on the list.

[765] Defense officials have revealed in correspondence with Senator Charles Grassley, Republican of Iowa.

[766] Probably they found out that their systems were hacked, and all these employees didn't look at child porn, and then halfway through searching all of them, they're like, no, we just got hacked.

[767] That could be it, and they could not want to bring that up.

[768] right i don't want to admit that hacked exactly very possible and it was probably some like famous goat see two -year -old pick you know it was probably something stupid like yeah that is kind of a crazy number yeah that seems like every employee yeah guys i doubt i mean how many employees is there but i mean 5 000 seems pretty big let's find out how many employees are in the pentagon how that's a really good point that probably these knuckleheads didn't even think of yeah well We have a show tomorrow.

[769] Oh, yeah.

[770] We got a show tomorrow at the Ice House and Friday at the Ice House, both in the little room.

[771] So don't sleep because it'll sell out quick.

[772] It's only like 85 seats.

[773] The Pentagon.

[774] How many people?

[775] Come on, bitch.

[776] What?

[777] How many employees?

[778] 24 ,000.

[779] 24 ,000.

[780] So that's, what is it, 10%.

[781] How many?

[782] What did we say?

[783] 5 ,000.

[784] So that's saying one fifth of the employees are addicted to child points.

[785] so that's yeah that's that's stupid that's right it wasn't even 2 ,400 you're right it was 5 ,000 fucking boston wants you talk to burbank that's pretty ridiculous i wonder if that is the truth i wonder if you nailed it absolutely what is and that's why they did pentagon didn't say anything about it they just realized that they got hacked or imagine if the government is just infiltrated by kid fuckers and it's just like just like the vatican kid fuckers galore if you had to imagine how many people in the vatican got busted for kid fucking how much how many them that it looks okay look at vatican child porn too i mean there's got to be something there's some scandal you can write vatican child porn you know you're going to get some there you go vatican uh fucking canadian bishop convicted for child pornography boom how easy so simple isn't that amazing that you know that you could look that up it's so weird you can just look up vatican child porn and there's something some canadian bishop he they uh they they got rid of him they booted him out so it wasn't that you know the vatican had child porn it was that they got rid of a guy who had child porn but then there was the whole issue of the guy who's the actual uh pope himself ratzinger you know ratzinger pope benedict whatever the fuck he was when when he was a bishop or whatever silly name they like to give themselves, whatever the hell he was, he was in charge of following up on cases of child molestation.

[786] And it's clear, clear evidence that he tried to divert the investigation and really slacked off on it and then got rid of the guy, like aided and getting rid of the guy who they were going after.

[787] They had all sorts of little things.

[788] do like they would a guy would get busted banging kids and they would just move them to another place like that's that's been the standing protocol of the catholic church for the longest time whenever someone a cardinal gets caught and gets in trouble they just move them to some other place it's really bizarre man it makes you really wonder what it's all about it makes you really wonder if at the the top branch of the catholic church when they're all alone like are they just all kid fuckers they just they all bring like a bag and they're all around and big when they empty the bag of the child, it's like, it comes out.

[789] Oh, God.

[790] You know, like, would have been something really fucked up.

[791] Like, they kidnapped one child a month.

[792] What did you hear about the child that was missing from the...

[793] I'll pull up.

[794] Child, uh, sex.

[795] And then now you are in the Pentagon list.

[796] Wasn't there was a, there was a, uh, okay, here's a child sex investigation.

[797] Yeah, this is it.

[798] There was a story where, um, a former bishop said that a girl who turned up mission, missing was um was taken by the vatican and they they used her as a sex slave and killed her oh my god yeah it's so fucking crazy yeah probably a fucking strange man religion is fucking crazy yeah this is so whenever they look at these things and these probes and they find out how many different reverends were fucked up the church previously insisted the crimes of the late reverend massiel and M -A -C -I -E -L were his alone.

[799] He was long held up as a model by Pope John Paul II, despite credible accusations later proven that he raped and molested his seminarians.

[800] Leisure of Christ had over 900 priests.

[801] Wow, Jesus Christ, this guy.

[802] I don't even want to hear this.

[803] He died in 2008, a year later the Orthodox Order confessed that he had fathered three children with two different women and that he had abused his seminarians.

[804] There's an arrogance that a lot of these dudes have when they become priests that they feel like everybody kisses their ass.

[805] Have you ever been to a church?

[806] You ever been to a Catholic church?

[807] No. Well, I mean, I've been to them, but I didn't go to one.

[808] You know what I mean?

[809] Catholic church is very creepy.

[810] And it's very, it's very strict, like, very strict.

[811] Like, if you giggle in a Catholic church, they don't smack you in your fucking head.

[812] Oh, fuck that noise.

[813] They don't want kids to be kids in Catholic Church.

[814] It's scary.

[815] Like, you go to Baptist Church.

[816] Baptist churches and everybody's laughing and giggling, little babies are crying.

[817] They'll smack a baby in a Catholic church.

[818] Nobody wants little kids crying out in a Catholic church.

[819] It's like a harsh environment.

[820] And the priests are...

[821] Yes, Father, everyone's talking to them, Father.

[822] And everyone's like real nervous to be around them.

[823] So they, especially the old ones, they have this arrogance about them, which is really strange.

[824] Like, you're just some creepy old queer in a fucking weird outfit.

[825] You know, you can't come out of.

[826] the closet and you're you know spouting off nonsense and everybody's kissing your ass so you've gotten confused and you really do believe that you're above everyone else like they have a weird fucking sense of entitlement and and it's very strange talking to a lot of priests obviously not all of them a lot of priests but the one who gave the eulogy for my grandmother's um funeral it's a perfect example that he was first of all he had gin blossoms all over his face this poor fuck you know when they get those broken blood vessels when they get hammered all the time.

[827] I mean, it's a shit life, man. You know, so this fucking dude, his whole, he was an obvious drunk.

[828] And then, so was the one who married my sister.

[829] Same thing.

[830] Gin blossoms all over his face.

[831] They're called those crissures.

[832] What, does Byrd have those?

[833] He gets red now.

[834] That's for like old dudes who were like on death's door.

[835] But anyway, my grandmother's name was Josephine.

[836] And as they're doing the eulogy, he keeps calling her Geraldine.

[837] He calls her Geraldine like three times.

[838] And someone steps up.

[839] It goes, it's Josephine.

[840] Her name was Josephine.

[841] And so he just, without missing a beat, Josephine, he doesn't say, my apologies.

[842] I mean, this is a bunch of people who are sad because, you know, their mom has died.

[843] And these fucks, you know, this guy's given that he's just completely phoning this in.

[844] So when he's saying Geraldine, Geraldine, they correct him, instead of saying, I'm sorry, you know, I made a mistake.

[845] Her name was Josephine, not Geraldine.

[846] It's my apologies.

[847] Instead of that, he just changed it.

[848] Geraldine, we here, Anna, Geraldine, who died.

[849] Not Geraldine, Josephine, who died.

[850] It's just, like, phoning it in.

[851] He just said, like, the words in the order, no emotion behind it, no nothing.

[852] Good night, everybody.

[853] Take it easy.

[854] I'm going to go drink.

[855] No pussy.

[856] No fun.

[857] No riverboat gambling.

[858] Just little children's.

[859] mouth suppression i wonder how many of them are gay and how many of them are just miserable how many of them want to fuck kids how many of them want to just shoot themselves in the head what are what are the actual numbers and i'm sure a few of them are happy don't get crazy twitter that's the thing that people get fucking most angry at me about is uh shitting on religion which i think it's so hilarious because i'm only shitting on specific acts that you could you could attribute them to religion but these are human beings that are fucking kids growing up religion growing up that religion also makes me like i see i don't see religion as bad uh because i grew up lutheran which is like i guess you know we had a starbucks and stuff in our church lutheran a starbucks yeah you had a starbucks in your church it was a coffee place like a starbucks really yeah i mean it was you know a lot different than it's like a social thing a happy yeah it was good it was positive it was like it was it was more relaxing and shit like that's not that's in the catholic church yeah it wasn't too too intense catholic church is all about guilt If you look at, like, if you think about the churches that are involved with the most fucked up accusations, the Catholic Church is at the top of that list, the top.

[860] And they're also the most suppressive.

[861] The most oppressive, the most, just fill your head with guilt and anxiety and suffering.

[862] And the feeling, rather, that you are a failure and that you are inadequate and that you will never measure up.

[863] and you're a sinner in the eyes of God.

[864] I didn't have any of that.

[865] God, it was horrible.

[866] First grade, I did a full year of Catholic school.

[867] And we went to church when I was like six or seven.

[868] And we went to church on a regular basis all the time.

[869] And it was hellacious.

[870] It was disgusting.

[871] It was all like terror.

[872] All you could think of is every day before school, I'd be like, fuck, I can't believe I have to go to this place.

[873] Just this torturous place to drop off your children where they just glan on to your fucking.

[874] neck and suck off all your happiness just suck it out of you like a vampire man really weird i remember i really clearly remember being in the middle of class while the teacher was doing something crazy and they were talking about something crazy i was like you guys are nuts like how are you even saying this like listen to what's coming out of your mouth this is complete nonsense like what the fuck are we doing here that's kind of weird you almost got some kind of weird I don't know, like some kind of, that's like not being molested, but as a child, you were exposed to something that's probably not positive at all for your, as an adult.

[875] Mental molestation and a huge percentage of Catholics go through that shit.

[876] I mean, I've talked to kids who went to Catholic school who didn't have a bad time, but most of them, a good percentage of them, had a gruesome experience with the soul sapping.

[877] They just suck the life out of you.

[878] And that's why the Catholics are so crazy.

[879] They bounce back.

[880] You know, you can't suppress people.

[881] You know, we've talked about this before, that Catholic school girls, girls that like Jenny McCarthy, perfect example.

[882] You're talking about what horny she was?

[883] She went to an all -girls Catholic school, man. All girls, Catholic schools, produce the best sluts.

[884] Really?

[885] Oh, yeah.

[886] They're all fucking locked away.

[887] They have to sprint for Dick as soon as the light turns green.

[888] They don't get to see Dick all day at school and flirt around with them and make friends with them and pass notes, in class.

[889] No, all day it's this boiling pot of pussy.

[890] This big boiling mass of estrogen and female hormones.

[891] And then the light turns green and they run out the door and just dive on a cock like a patriotic soldier and a grenade.

[892] They can't wait to get some dick in them.

[893] This poor fucking girl that I did in high school, her and her sister were both the biggest pigs.

[894] And they both went to Catholic school and then there was another one who was like a prude who went to public school it was really weird it was like for some reason one of them they started her off in public school and they just kept her in but her sister they they had a little money her sister was like a couple years younger so they said well we're gonna put we're doing a little better now we're gonna try to put her through Catholic school and that girl was the girl i dated and oh my god she was a freak she was a fucking freak she would fuck anybody Anybody who tried to fuck her, she would fuck them.

[895] This bitch was crazy, man. I told you she was a girl where my friend was fingering her in front of my house.

[896] When I got up in the morning to deliver newspapers, they were still up from, you know, the night before partying, and they're parked in front of my fucking house.

[897] And I slammed my hand on the hood.

[898] I don't remember what I said, something half witty, but I was like, Jesus Christ.

[899] All my expectations for relationships were shattered by my first two girlfriends right away because one of them was a complete slut that could not just leave a dick alone right a dick was like a kitten with a ball yarn you can't roll a ball yarn in front of a kid and they just fucking paws go up and they dive on that shit that's how she was with cock and then the other one was like really manipulative the other one like you know you drive an hour and i have to see her and she's like i'm not in the mood you know she was like really creepy like she wanted to you know be the one who always decided what was on tv and always decided what music we were listening to to yeah it was it was it was a weird selfish thing she grew up an only child and her mom was kind of a con and so it wasn't it wasn't happy her mom was like a big woman and she had a bad opinion of men it was a it was a lot of weirdness in that house so i got to see but pretty and nice you know most of the time just cunty behavior occasionally and then super whore yeah and so it was like jesus christ relationships are disasters like right right away like the first couple of years of relationships to me was like what's the point in this not that i was any fucking prize back then either i mean i was completely crazy but just it's funny how you can have a couple crazy relationships while you're young and it completely shapes you you know you just that's where you get your ex that's where you form your opinions of what relationships are like like i've had some relationships as an older man you know when uh you know to be like you know my late 20s and like 30 we're like really nice people like you know you enjoyed being around I didn't even think that was possible when I lived in Boston I thought you know based on my own personal experience and was like this is some shit you got to do to get some pussy and then then run away from them as quick as you can go find your friends you know that was that was my my my take on it plus if you're trying to do anything else while you're a kid you don't really have the time for a real relationship.

[900] You know, if you're going to high school and you're trying to pursue something, like if you're pursuing a sport or trying to be in a band or anything you're trying to do where you're throwing all of your possible energy at that, your amount of time that you have for relationships is pretty small.

[901] I feel that way right now almost.

[902] You know, like I was watching that old movie Howard Stern private parts, and he in that movie was taught at a part with his old wife, Beth, where Beth was like...

[903] That's not his old wife.

[904] or his new wife is Beth.

[905] Or what's his old, the girl that he dated before?

[906] I don't remember Allison.

[907] Allison.

[908] Yeah, so Allison was like, you know, there's...

[909] That's creepy that I know that.

[910] Yeah, we know his whole...

[911] But Allison was like saying like, like, yeah, I never have a time.

[912] You only, you know, have time for your radio show and blah, blah, blah, and everything's...

[913] And I'm thinking like, shit, you know, that's the same how I feel right now because I'm putting everything in one basket with doing podcasting and all that crap.

[914] Why do you do that?

[915] Listen, man, you're doing really well now, and you went on the road with Joey Diaz and did stand up and had a great fucking time it's like a little baby it's like a little baby it's like a little you know little little project that i'm watching grow and blossom and nothing wrong with that and you know especially it's interesting when i have people like take over and then like i like i come in the room i'm like you know i'm like oh shit look you know the camera's not even on that person you know that person right well it's shit like that where it's like people you haven't taken over are stoned out no no no no these are friends that are just helping me out but but but that's what that's a good example of like where i'm like you know i feel like i have to have some kind of quality control right and you know because that's like a little baby that i created you know it's like it's i totally understand that i totally understand where you're coming from i just think um you could get there easier for you with less of them you know i have i've been cutting a lot good good but on the other hand we've been doing three jo rogan podcast and two ice house shows now so it's like i'm even working harder now yeah we're we're killing it though it's too it's too i feel too much of an obligation to all those people that we're meeting because it sounds goofy and it's really hard to talk about without sounding like you're crazy or you're an egomaniac but i feel like this is something bigger than all of us right i feel like we're the ones who are responsible for broadcasting it and we're the ones who are the you know we're the voices on the podcast but this podcast is resonating with so many fucking people it's it's so many people come to the shows and it's not just hey we really like the show it's you changed my life it's this show changed my life this guy came up to me the other day in edmonton and he was telling me how he's much nicer to people now and he just he takes the time to tip more and be nicer and it's changed his whole way of life he says my life i'm more successful now he goes i feel better now i'm happier now he goes i would never thought that being nicer people like on purpose and then tipping like being nice and generous would make me feel so much better yeah it's been a lot of that ensuing people that's like dude you really did save my life like i was in that point of my life where i wanted to kill myself and you guys really have like shook me out of that yeah look i i i've had moments in my life when i haven't been happy when i felt like shit and then i have now where i could not be happier and when i look at my life what has changed physically in my body well actually i've gotten older so thinking about my past and my, you know, my history of martial arts and all that, my body should be a mess.

[916] I should be in pain all the time.

[917] I should be, you know, you know what I mean?

[918] Like I shouldn't feel better and more happy and vibrant today than before.

[919] So why do?

[920] Well, one of the reasons why is because I don't have any negative shit in my life anymore.

[921] I don't have any bad people in my life.

[922] I don't have a bad job.

[923] I don't have any negative thing.

[924] I don't have any things that I'm trying to avoid.

[925] And when you don't have anything you're trying to avoid, you have happiness.

[926] And it takes a while for people to recognize that there's a direct correlation between your state of mind and your state of existence.

[927] And if you get both of them in line, you get both of them in line, you can have a good fucking life.

[928] You don't have to be rich.

[929] Rich is bullshit.

[930] That's not what's important.

[931] You know what you have to do?

[932] You have to have enough money so you don't have to worry.

[933] Have enough money so that you can feed yourself so that you can take care of your family.

[934] That's what you need.

[935] When you get crazy and you want, you know, stacks of money and big, that's just.

[936] just another form of obsession.

[937] You might as well just be jerking off until you put blisters on your dick.

[938] The key to all this shit is balance.

[939] The key to the whole thing is balance.

[940] And it's a constant struggle.

[941] If I slip for a couple weeks, if I don't go in the tank for a couple weeks, if I don't write for a couple weeks, if I, I can go a week without working out.

[942] Anytime I do anything where I throw off the balance and I don't do the work that I'm supposed to put in, I feel the difference.

[943] I feel I feel less less capable when I sit down and write again.

[944] I feel less vibrant when I train.

[945] I don't feel as good when I go on stage.

[946] But that's not my fucking very rarely.

[947] I don't hardly ever take a week off a stand -up anymore.

[948] It's like I can't.

[949] Even one week I have to go up and kill it.

[950] I have to go up and throw my new shit out there.

[951] I have to go up and record it.

[952] and go back and listen to it if i don't do that i feel like i'm wasting something i feel like i feel like i have i've been gifted with an incredible opportunity an incredible moment in time an incredible just very just an incredibly fortunate and fortuitous roll of the dice and i feel like it's an insult to the gods if you enjoy you know you you enjoy that but then you neglect it and you let it rot away when you got it right there you know what i'm saying it's like when i get on now and I'm when I'm at my best and you know and I'm killing and people came to see the show and they come after the show and they say oh my God my stomach hurt and it was the funniest shit I ever saw thank you so much we had the greatest time you know what one of the things I'm thinking thank God they had a great time that's good boy I'm so happy to the the next thing I'm thinking is I got to keep doing this like I I have an obligation like because I this it's not it's it takes a long time to reach a state of proficiency at something It takes an even longer time to develop an audience.

[953] It takes an even longer time to actually get a message out there that might change the way people think.

[954] And when you combine all of them together, that's when I say that I think it's bigger than all of us.

[955] I feel like it's something that started and I got to keep going.

[956] There's no way.

[957] People don't ever stop the podcast.

[958] I don't think I can.

[959] I don't think it's legal.

[960] I don't think the laws of the universe wouldn't allow it.

[961] That sounds pretentious.

[962] but for real that's just that's the 100 % honest way how I feel about the whole situation I feel like we just we we lit a spark and we started something and now we're like the keepers of the flame and everybody adds to this fucking thing it's like people are constantly tweeting things and sending things and offering suggestions and and you know coming to shows and being enthusiastic and pumping you like you remember when you came to Atlanta when I when I filmed my special Atlanta how what the fuck was that like wandering around with those people thousands and thousands of people everybody's friendly everybody's happy there's a very specific vibe to all these shows and it's something that me and ari were talking about when we were up in canada he goes wow the crowd up there was great and i'm like they were awesome man but once the last time we had a shit crowd it's not happening anymore it's like you're getting the same type of people everywhere you go do you ever worry about uh getting a DUI uh sure because that's why i don't drink no i know but uh just for the point that like you can't is that true that you cannot go to canada after you have a DUI yes can you imagine that though like for you yeah that would be like hey no more fucking you know that just you just got a huge job cut or salary cut that would suck you would have to hire a lawyer to try to get you in and then you'd have to probably make some restitution but they just don't want any douchebags up there that's insane yeah it's insane but i understand it canada is so fucking nice people are so nice up there they're they're insanely inflammatory with their niceness it's like it's like jesus you're really real slow down turn this down like what's going on you don't you don't even realize it you know when you're when you're around like especially big city americans you know it's so rare that you find like really outgoing friendly people and then you go to somewhere like calgary or something like that everyone's friendly you go to vancouver everyone's friendly you know i mean a friend of mine was talking about that in a bar that he were they were doing stand -up in vancouver and they were at a bar and uh girls were like hey where you're from and like what you're talking to us what's going on what are you doing he goes we thought it was a trick like there were hookers or something like girls are just saying hi coming up and saying hi girls in america don't do that that's rare as fuck yeah they're nicer up there man they don't have that conquer mentality they don't have this uh america Yeah.

[963] You know, that, that, when you're from the best, you know, and you can talk all the shit you want about other empires, but they can all suck America's dick.

[964] There's never been anything like America.

[965] As far as the, you know, we're lucky, you know, as far, I mean, I guess, you want to look at it that way.

[966] Right.

[967] That we were born here in this, this crazy machine, but if you look at, like, empires, like the Roman Empire, the Persian Empire, any empires that, like, tried to conquer the world, nobody did not.

[968] like what we're doing and we're denying that we're an empire we're like right in the middle of it military presence in over a hundred different countries and we're like you know we're just just trying to be nice you know when you have that kind of a country and it's so much military power and the whole world kind of like think about how many assholes just act like douchebags because their team wins you know like when the lakers win the championships and dudes are driving on the street we're number one bitch we're number one bitch And you don't even know the Lakers are playing.

[969] You're like, what the fuck is going on with these people?

[970] You're number one for what?

[971] What happened?

[972] Well, they choose the Lakers.

[973] They live in L .A., so they're number one now.

[974] That's what a lot of people are about America being a military power.

[975] There's a lot of fuckheads in this country that are like, they act like extra cocky because we're this giant military power, as if they have anything to do with it.

[976] You know, we're number one, bitch.

[977] We got the bombs, bitch.

[978] I saw a backdraft last night Remember that movie?

[979] No, you didn't Yeah With Kurt Russell Yeah And remember like how paranoid You were to open your front door For like two weeks The whole movie was about fucking backdrafts I remember just sitting there Like touching my door real quick And like spinning on it They made a movie about fire Going through doorways Really fast Who gives a shit about backdrafts now Is what I'm saying It's like I never think about Backdraft Yeah when does that come up When was your last backdraft?

[980] Fire is scary as fuck though, man It's weird that we got this thing that we control And we don't even think about it It's just you know light it You know you can buy it anywhere you go Think about how irresponsible people are And then think about the fact that We got fire in our pocket Yeah, we're fire in our pockets It's amazing there's not way more Fires than there are I know look at this We're just sitting around here talking I got fire That's crazy Yeah We're so stupid That can burn a whole city down Think how fucking stupid we are And the fact that you could go to a corner drug store Give me 10 of those You just kid 10 of them Go to the liquor store Give me some lighter fluid And you can just light shit on fire everywhere It's amazing When you really think about The potential for damage With all the shit that we have How little things actually get damaged And especially with fire Yeah Have you ever been in a big fire?

[981] Were you around when the big Brush fires Did you see any of that?

[982] Yeah, I've been here when I lived in Calabas when I first moved out here Oh, that's right.

[983] Did you ever get evacuated?

[984] Remember we were on the road, I think the real men have comedy tour or something like that.

[985] Yeah.

[986] I was there, and my ex -fiance at the time had to pack up our whole entire apartment because she got evacuated.

[987] Yeah, that's right.

[988] That's right.

[989] I thought it's so bad.

[990] It's like, you know, she's just like, where do I go?

[991] I'm having no idea.

[992] I know, that's scary as fuck, man. When we, I've been evacuated twice.

[993] and where I used to live in Colorado that burnt down too not the house but that area burnt down too they lost like something like hundreds and hundreds of houses it was some insane amount of acreage too got burnt down the reality is once those motherfuckers get started especially out here it's so dry when is how that should start like right now it starts right now June 1st is the time where we have to have brush clearance so you're supposed to clear out all the dead shit in the brush and you know people get fine for that it's a big deal because some asshole who doesn't take care of his lawn, you know, and you let the brush pile up and all of a sudden you've got a really dangerous situation if anything flies and lands on it, that's what fucks them up, is these fires, they start and then the embers float through the air, and then the embers will land on some dry grass and poof, there's a new fire.

[994] And that's the epicenter of a new fire.

[995] And it's just fucking, the wind takes that bitch and carries those flames and that lights a tree on fire.

[996] And the embers from that fly up and the catches some other area yeah that's a fucking pain in the ass man it's hard they got to circle them and drop water on them and shit have you ever seen them scoop down and uh get the water yeah because uh when there was fires in burbank because i also experienced one in burbank there was a fire at the hollywood mountain two years ago or a year ago and i guess there's a big water scoop for helicopters on the top of that mountain they just sat there and watched them scoop out of like a big pool like a like a swimming pool when i first came here there was a big fire in the hollywood hills It's a fucking really nice area of the Hollywood Hills, and we were watching it from the Virgin Megastore.

[997] There was that little area out front where, like, Wolfgang Pucks.

[998] I don't know if it still is there, but it used to be there.

[999] We were sitting there watching these helicopters drop fire on this building.

[1000] And I just kept thinking, like, what a strange world we live in where we take something like fire for granted.

[1001] And here it is, just eating its way through the earth, this energy source, and everybody's freaking out and dropping things on it and trying to stop it and really inadequate really ineffective like it takes a long time to put out a fucking fire they're trying but they have these giant fucking planes they have to go down scoop up the water fly over and poop it's like they shoot a little tiny water load on the fire and then right back to it it takes a long fucking time to actually put the fire out and most likely some houses are going to get jacked and there's nothing they could do about it and all those houses inside of them have electricity this other crazy power thing that we totally take for granted is fucking pulsating energy through the wires of the house that powers your internet and powers your fucking lights and and our life would suck tremendous cock if we didn't have it or it might be completely amazing how would be amazing because it'd be really quiet nothing would be fresh more people would have sex and hard to get healthy meat you have to kill things that day that's annoying as fuck imagine you have to kill fish and and animals that day that day that's the only way your whole life would be about hunting and gathering once you cut out the electricity it's really difficult to store things you know it's hard you can you got to go with cattle and then you got to make sure if you kill it you eat all of it so you have to calculate how many people are here who's working and I'm going to make sure everybody's doing their part to get a piece of this animal we got to kill another one tomorrow and how long if you lived in a place like California and it was the summertime how long does an animal last once you kill it I'd probably give it 24 hours.

[1002] Really think 24 hours?

[1003] Yeah.

[1004] I think it would be rotten as fucking 24 hours, man. Maybe not.

[1005] But in this heat, when it's like 90 degrees outside, I got to think that animal's going to be a mess.

[1006] Well, well, if you wrap it up and come or a leaf or something like that.

[1007] Come?

[1008] It's come the new preservative that you're using.

[1009] Well, I tried Kuman.

[1010] It didn't work.

[1011] So I was just try Kum.

[1012] It sounds like it.

[1013] It's Kuman, even a preservative?

[1014] No. It's a spice.

[1015] That joke didn't make sense.

[1016] sense the fuck are you saying so tomorrow night we are um live at the ice house at 830 and uh who's on the lineup so far uh we got brodie stevens john schizzer tony henchcliff randy licki tony's fucking funny man that kid's got some great jokes he's really good man he's a really good writer yeah he made me laugh geoffrey ross hired him for a reason how dare he how dare he try to pretend you wrote those jokes yeah guys when they're writing when they're doing like um roast and shit like that and that's when uh you know there's a lot of comics that make a good living just doing writing and punch up stuff like that you know it's weird is that i i don't even realize this but like two of my good friends pete and tony who both help us out almost every ice house chronicles they're both from ohio and they're like it's weird that i'm almost i feel like i'm like getting you're bonded toward them yeah because of that because of the ohio they both kind of grew up the same you all have stunted emotional development it's amazing you'll you can all be children forever together yeah yeah it is a weird thing how people you you you sort of like where you grew up that's like sort of how you like you like hanging out with boston people you hang out with you know all these boston comics speaking of which uh bill burr is doing the podcast next thursday so make sure you uh get up on your rssss feed knowledge and right i love bill burr i love bill burr too I wonder if he's still mad at Stitcher.

[1017] I doubt it.

[1018] Have they all given up on that?

[1019] I think they've all come back to Stitcher because, or a lot of them have been coming back to Stitcher because they're realizing.

[1020] Is Carolla on Stitcher?

[1021] Yeah, he's always been on Stitcher.

[1022] He's been a Stitcher Darling for a long time.

[1023] But he does his commercials.

[1024] Like, he does them live and he does them in the moment.

[1025] Like, he'll break for a commercial in the middle of his podcast or at several points.

[1026] Yeah, he does a radio format.

[1027] Yeah.

[1028] So he doesn't have to, like, they don't need.

[1029] need to like splice in ads on him you know his ads get out there no matter what if stitcher takes the feed and sends it his ads get out there so it's not like um serious for example where our our show when it goes to serious they cut out the flush light that every time i hear that it's so weird strange i'll get because i'll always have it on either in the stern opening anthe channel turn on my car and just hear myself talking about it confuses the fuck out of me like well yeah it's weird when you don't expect to hear yourself and you hear yourself.

[1030] That's really weird.

[1031] I'm like, that guy sounds like me. Wait, that is me. Do you sound like an idiot?

[1032] Do you listen to yourself and get mad?

[1033] What fuck are you saying, Brian?

[1034] The old ones I did.

[1035] What's changed about you?

[1036] How have you gotten better at podcasting?

[1037] Because I'm not trying to just be as goofy and stupid as possible anymore.

[1038] When you do that is almost like a girl, you know, that's at a party and no one's paying attention to her so you'll do something nutty because I act like I act like I was acting like how I act like you know drunk and hanging out with my like friends instead of just being like oh people are listening to me actually talked you know what I mean right well then you had to hear them oh here's something weird that happened to me last night I wanted to talk about it's kind of the same way I had this weird thing happened to me the last two days where I have been giggly and silly and fucking really high energy and like really happy like giggly happy like i was running around poking people with straws last night like a little kid and then and then it just went away and i came back to normal and i was like what was that all about like it almost felt like there was some kind of government up in me for no reason it was it was weird way to tune into your frequency it was weird though because it was like have i been going through like a a long time depression and that was just like a bump out of it you know or something like that or have i been like you know lacking something in my in my head or diet or something like that and I just had whatever had like a normalcy for a while because I felt like I was like wow if I felt like this every day I would fucking love life you know like crazy you should feel like that every day yeah I guess so but like how do you even explain that like you can't like rewind like hey can you look at my database files you know tell me what was going on there well a lot of it is yeah it could have been a lot of different things all at once but it was unnecessary and came out of nowhere I mean but that's probably good oh yeah it was great but But I don't feel like that right now.

[1039] But you can't always feel like that.

[1040] It's almost like you want good feelings to just come to you instead of you want to earn them.

[1041] But I haven't felt that in how long.

[1042] Like it was one of those things like, holy shit, man, this is crazy.

[1043] I feel like fucking like I'm on ecstasy right now for no reason.

[1044] You haven't felt like that in a while?

[1045] I mean, it was weird.

[1046] It was just like it happened last night and I was just like silly and giggly for no reason.

[1047] Like I was sober and I was just running around being crazy.

[1048] huh it was great so while i'm setting up this new studio by the buy we're working on everything right now so i'm started uh pricing out you know equipment and and getting everything ready in place i was going to have a raw cement floor but i realized that sound wise is that would be good so i'm going to go with uh go with rubber rubber rubber floor you know like we have like in a gym locker room or really is that should be fun it'd be comfortable with sound it'd be great for sound maybe i got that shit that shit in my garage my uh gym yeah that i drop weights on right that might not be a bad idea that way if we drop some phones and shit they won't get broken right i was actually thinking of going with um uh office carpeting but that rubber floor might be better recycle tire floor although it's a it's a cunt to clean really yeah it's not fun to clean so don't be jizzing on my fucking rubber floor what about like a floor that they use in like uh like a jitzy jibs like a racquetball you know it's racquetball's hard hardwood floors and that's a real echoey room a racquetball room well you want to soft things so with the carpet absorbs and do you want to put stuff on the walls like corolla's joint he's got like these big cloth ace broadcasting banners that are framed and they absorb you know they're framed and it's like screen printed or silk screened onto the cloth and then it's framed.

[1049] So it's his banner in several different places and that absorbs the sound.

[1050] But it might actually be cool just to have just, I like those soundproof little cone things, you know what I'm saying?

[1051] Like that, those panels with like individual little cones in them, like hundreds of cones.

[1052] Yeah, egg cartons.

[1053] Exactly.

[1054] Put that shit on the wall.

[1055] But I'm trying to find and this is where people out in the Twitterverse can help me. I'm trying to find what's the best office chairs.

[1056] These are kind of cool.

[1057] I like these.

[1058] These are all right.

[1059] But when I sit back on them, sometimes...

[1060] You gotta get those net ones, though, if you want to get the best ones.

[1061] Are those the best ones?

[1062] Fucking $1 ,000 net ones.

[1063] Oh, their Erman, Mailer.

[1064] How dare they?

[1065] Who the fuck?

[1066] How did they?

[1067] How did they hack the mainframe?

[1068] I had to turn it back on because our phone went off.

[1069] Excuse me, our internet went off.

[1070] No, I got rid of that feature.

[1071] That's a good feature.

[1072] This is super old school podcast.

[1073] I've had internet connection problems.

[1074] We've had old phone calls.

[1075] yeah that's as old school as we just need to talk about trailer vixing oh how dare you how dare you can't you let it go son you should the way you should look at that relationship is that there's no there's no way you should be able to fuck a girl like that in real life i have no problems with her she's fine okay good beautiful so whatever craziness you got to say you got to say to yourself why of course there was craziness she was fucking me how could she not be crazy You got to look at it that way Make girls go crazy Yeah, you sent her crazy And she doesn't She has to be crazy to be fucking you in the first place That's right She should be fucking some giant supermodel dude right She's crazy I can't do websites that good Is that what it is?

[1076] How dare you?

[1077] You're going inside Inside knowledge for folks at home This is again just like the old podcast That's a joke You're pretending to know one was listening That was a fucking million people Going, oh Brian We gotta get those O 'Brien T -T shirts made we keep promising those yes um but so anybody who has any um insight is to like what's the best most comfortable chairs within reason i guess probably those gravity chairs from relax the back those would be kind of dope just get all massage chairs from spencer gifts but they make too much noise you'd be in the middle of podcast they'd probably make them say no they're not quiet i mean they're they're fairly quiet what if they get those water massage where you like lay in and your head sticks it out fuck those things are ridiculous you have to have like an engine that pushes all that water around doesn't it like a pump i don't know i never got one of those it must be it must be loud as fuck how could it not be it's a mechanical thing something spinning around a lot of movement you know you're forcing all that water through yeah but i think um they uh they have some other chairs that look like these gravity chairs that lean back but i think they're like more than a thousand bucks each there's um there's got to be something that's like a decent chair that's like comfortable.

[1078] I don't know if office chairs are the way to go.

[1079] I love these chairs.

[1080] You think they're the way to go?

[1081] These chairs are really good.

[1082] It seems like office chairs owe for the most support, right?

[1083] I think office chairs are the way to go.

[1084] I never, I mean, couches and other kind of chairs always seem like, we've tried almost everything.

[1085] You know, we started off with couch.

[1086] Yeah, I think we started off with the couch.

[1087] That was super whack.

[1088] Yeah.

[1089] Then we had some other.

[1090] Couch seems like it would work, but then it's annoying to sit on the couch.

[1091] You know, would be the best.

[1092] I mean the ultimate best.

[1093] We all had lazy boys.

[1094] That is the ultimate right?

[1095] Do you have you been to a lazy boy store?

[1096] They've done a lot of good shit with lazy boy.

[1097] Would that really be the best?

[1098] We could all have lazy boy.

[1099] I all have a laptop right on our lap.

[1100] Fucking on the side we have our fucking little places for our drinks.

[1101] We could easily do that.

[1102] Dude, if we're going to do it, might as well be most comfortable.

[1103] How much does a lazy boy cost?

[1104] How much?

[1105] Let's find out.

[1106] The lazy boys start off probably around 300 bucks even.

[1107] But, I mean, getting us some pimp lazy boy.

[1108] Dude, lazy boy makes some good couches and everything now.

[1109] Lazy boy recourse.

[1110] Wow, $2 ,584.

[1111] Go to a lazy boy store.

[1112] Dude, look at that shit.

[1113] No, no, not that.

[1114] That's old -school lazy boy.

[1115] Go to, I think it's lazyboy .com.

[1116] Lazyboy.

[1117] I'm there.

[1118] I'm there at lazyboy .com.

[1119] It's L .A. dash z -boy .com.

[1120] If you just got a regular lazy boy, it takes you to that one.

[1121] And check out these recliners is what you want to check out.

[1122] Their sites, their sites getting crushed.

[1123] I wonder if it's us.

[1124] Two people at once was too much.

[1125] Two people.

[1126] Two people and everybody else online.

[1127] It was like, yeah, let me open up a separate window here.

[1128] Let's see what they got.

[1129] So these lay recline.

[1130] All these recline, right?

[1131] Lazy boy recliner.

[1132] Okay, how much is this bitch right here?

[1133] Let's see.

[1134] This is in cloth.

[1135] Should it be cloth or leather?

[1136] Leather boo.

[1137] Leather boo.

[1138] Fuck cows, right?

[1139] By the way, all you silly bitches on my website forum that really think that I'm, when I say fuck all the animals, that I really want all the animals to die, I'm talking shit, folks.

[1140] Did you ever talk shit?

[1141] Damn, this website.

[1142] This website sucks a bag of dicks.

[1143] It's only meant for modems.

[1144] Yeah, this website is fucking terrible.

[1145] It's terrible.

[1146] They show their stupid things, and it's like add to my face.

[1147] It doesn't tell you about them.

[1148] Show me your chairs, you fuckheads.

[1149] It's a sucky website, lazy boy.

[1150] Your website blows.

[1151] Dude, get off your ass and get a new website.

[1152] Fix it.

[1153] All the guys are lazy there.

[1154] They're just too comfortable to do anything.

[1155] You want to be the official chair of Death Squad West, you fuckheads.

[1156] You have to come up with something better than this.

[1157] Well, they have some good products.

[1158] They look good.

[1159] yeah but the website sucks so hard it's hard to look at them lazy boy's listening you think that's people listening to the podcast they're doing that i'm dude yeah i mean three thousand people or so just go right to lazyboy dot com at the same time it probably is l a z i'm gonna type in pimp lazy boy oh you know there's one i want ostrich skin because ostriches are cunts fuck cunty birds whoa these are dope dude my pimped out Okay, I just found it.

[1160] Look at this, look at this, look at this.

[1161] Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[1162] If we all got those.

[1163] Yeah, you can have like a little fucking hose just so you could smoke weed, you know, kind of the side of that lazy.

[1164] Realto, lazy boy double recliner review.

[1165] Ooh, son.

[1166] That might not be a bad idea.

[1167] Yeah, and maybe have the table where it comes, like we can just like pull the table out or something.

[1168] Like, so kind of like a $1 ,200 for the regular ones and then $1 ,900 bucks for the, the ones that are in leather and that thing looks pretty fucking sporty dude lazy boys and maybe have would that really wouldn't that be annoying though after like a couple of hours would it would it would it get annoying laying down that'd that be awesome you think so yeah dude lazy boys are just like this when you lay back but just imagine more comfortable you have your feet up like a gentleman you think that that would be a good thing for podcast seats though it would suck if i got five lazy boys then we decided it blows well we can't do just have one if it was just like me with a lazy boy and everybody else a regular chair fucking dick invite me over your place and sit me in a fucking staples $50 office chair well you got some crazy lazy boy suck we just moved the dust squad east or whatever it's called well this one this one yeah death squad east it's east this one is um 450 bucks that's not bad that's a cloth one with like sides to it looks pretty I think the only thing that we might run into is like people falling asleep if it gets boring oh those bitches they could right especially with stoners that could be the issue yeah but I mean just if you if you had to ask would I rather sit down for three hours with your feet up and comfortable or bouncing on this office chair you know yeah you want to I mean if we wanted beds we could get single beds each have a single bed we just all lay there dude that's the move no you lazy bitch we should stand up we all have our own little blankets we bring our own pillow it'll be like nap time where we have our little blankets a little blankie and each person can have their own quilt that you know fans make and we could have like the red band quilt that we could have conversations like at camp yeah you're lying in bed and the lights go out hey you guys really think goes for real yeah or we get the one where we each have our own fucking number what's it Temporatic, where we have No, the blow one, the air one, whatever the fuck it is, their fucking cunty.

[1169] They suck.

[1170] The one where your back goes up.

[1171] Yeah, those, the temporepetics are the ones, the foam, the memory phone.

[1172] That's the good stuff.

[1173] The ones that blow the air in it, like you can get it harder or softer, depending what your number is.

[1174] Those suck.

[1175] I had one of those.

[1176] It sucks.

[1177] Well, just get one of the, like, the hospital bed ones where we can put it up and we can all, like, we're in a hospital room.

[1178] Dude, that would be the comminive.

[1179] If we all had, like, hospital beds and we had like oxygen just going pumped into us while we're all laying there talking yeah they um this uh website is going to keep me from buying a lazy boy no you need to go to a lazy boy uh store i think there's one here in a thousand oaks really something like that maybe we get some sort of a deal with lazy boy well if you're listening lazy boy contact us we'll talk about you we'll get you back into the fucking we'll blow you back up we'll get you in the next we'll get a real website designer to call you I call at you.

[1180] This sack of shit you got going on here where you don't even you guys, you silly bitches you don't even have prices.

[1181] Like there's no prices on your website.

[1182] Right.

[1183] What kind of nonsense is that?

[1184] Store locator.

[1185] Store locator.

[1186] What?

[1187] There's a website and you can't buy shit from your website?

[1188] That's ridiculous.

[1189] it's probably because of shipping.

[1190] That's so 2003.

[1191] Yeah, well, you can even ship kettle bells without being a headache.

[1192] Imagine if having shipping big old lazy boys.

[1193] Well, we can ship kettle.

[1194] bells without it being a headache it's just a pain in the ass but there's other this there's countries cause a lot of money but there's uh there's companies rather that's that ship big stuff like uh they create companies yeah like restoration hardware you know they send couches in the mail all the time not in the job ship they driver i wonder if amazon has lazy boards they have everything no amazon doesn't have lazy boys yep they do what from a different seller let's see how much shipping is for a lazy boy whoa okay I found it dude when you go to Amazon look at this sweat this right here this professional high back leather lazy boy look at this this this is what we need dude yeah but there's no there's no leg support so we get those we get separate leg supports yeah that's not the same no no no you get a nice ass fat lazy boy feels like you're this one has a leg sport.

[1195] Look at that.

[1196] That's not the same thing.

[1197] I'm talking about the one where you like, you know, the thing comes out of the bottom of the chair and you're like pretty much laying down.

[1198] Yeah.

[1199] It's just the bomb.

[1200] Yeah.

[1201] Lazy boy recliner is what it's called.

[1202] Yeah, that's, you really do have to get a recliner, huh?

[1203] Yeah.

[1204] You can't fuck around.

[1205] This is pretty sick, though.

[1206] This lazy board chair.

[1207] The presidential high back swivel chair.

[1208] That looks pretty fucking sporty.

[1209] That looks cool, too.

[1210] That will be like cool chair to have in there styles of box man you look at the look this one's not a lazy boy but if you go look at this one it's called the wickenberg bonded leather rocker recliner and brown where it's just a big old puffy lazy boy chair that looks fucking comfortable as fuck that looks like something you sit in before you suck a cock let me just don't even know what that means i like which one is that that's called that oh look at this one coaster future Coaster Furniture, Tritone, Burgundy, top -grained leather recliner.

[1211] That right there, man. Oh, it's only got three stars, though.

[1212] This recliner comes with AIDS.

[1213] Climidding China.

[1214] If you had lazy boy recliners, though, do you think that it would change the overall tone of a podcast and make people, like, too, like, comfortable, lethargic?

[1215] Man, we keep the receipt.

[1216] Joey Diaz will fall asleep, man. Well?

[1217] Let Joey Diaz put his feet up.

[1218] Listen, dog.

[1219] You blame on one fucking Pennantella thing.

[1220] Fuck Pennantella.

[1221] Remember how angry he got when we played Penn Gillette's rant?

[1222] What are you wasting my time here for?

[1223] Like he was angry.

[1224] Why are you letting somebody talk besides me?

[1225] I'm the fat guy around here.

[1226] I can't find...

[1227] There's some pretty good ones.

[1228] It seems like that might be an option, but we have to find a place where we can sit in one of these things.

[1229] That's funny.

[1230] It was one place that...

[1231] that chair I looked at it was 900 bucks in this place the same chair lazy boy presidential chair 1500 bucks bed and pillows bed and pillows just got a huge fucking bed wall to wall we all laid down like hippies and we all have our own little bean bag pillows and stuff and we can bring blankets i don't think that's the move like rave style i think this is the move i think this uh high back presidential office chair is the move that looks so sick about 12 person high person high To do that but this looks so sick this presidential chair looks so dope that would like and it looks comfortable and a whole like studio filled with them I think that's the perfect compromise like that doesn't look comfortably that looks actually that looks super uncomfortable It looks like one of those stiff chairs where you have to you can't recline back.

[1232] Yeah, you can.

[1233] Yeah, it reclines.

[1234] It's leans back No, that just rocks back that whole thing's connected.

[1235] Oh, yeah.

[1236] Yeah, are you sure?

[1237] Yeah Oh, I see what you're saying.

[1238] Yeah, it doesn't fold at the at the joint.

[1239] Yeah.

[1240] Yeah.

[1241] Yeah.

[1242] Yeah.

[1243] You lean back.

[1244] Lean back.

[1245] I don't know, dude.

[1246] I'm partial to this.

[1247] I need to try this out somewhere.

[1248] I think we just need a silver, one of the silver bullet trailers, and then we pimp that motherfucker out, and then we could have the fucking studio anywhere the fuck we want.

[1249] Well, we could have a mobile studio.

[1250] It's not a bad idea to also have.

[1251] Why not just have one of that?

[1252] Well, because it's not enough space.

[1253] No. Have you seen the big ones?

[1254] They're huge.

[1255] The silver, what are they?

[1256] The airstream trailers.

[1257] Look at this, mother.

[1258] Look at this.

[1259] Go to airstream.

[1260] com this shit we could completely give up the idea of of a studio and just get a trailer look at these fucking trailers these things are fucking amazing and you can have this anywhere you want to go like if you want to go to fucking san diego if you want to fucking i do like the idea of uh having something that you could bring with you like uh something that you could tow with you but really if we were going to do that why would we get a studio we could get a studio bus it's the right way to do it it is to have like one of those mobile home things, not a mobile home, one of those called RVs, where people travel across the country in those big trucks.

[1261] Look at that motherfucker.

[1262] That's pretty dope, but it doesn't have a car part.

[1263] You know what I'm saying?

[1264] That's why we get a sweet car to add to it.

[1265] Yeah, I guess.

[1266] We get a...

[1267] How big is inside of that thing, though?

[1268] Dude, it's humongous.

[1269] They have all different sizes.

[1270] They have sizes that you could, people live in these things.

[1271] Right, but how much does one of those costs?

[1272] Look at, look at these floor plants.

[1273] are pretty fucking huge dude the dope move would be dude to get one of these as a travel thing and then we go on a tour we go like we start in seattle and we go down seattle san francisco or seattle portland come on you could fucking pimp this bitch out like look at this shit you can that could be our podcast studio yeah the whole studio if we got this whole thing out we got it all soundproof got it high tech i know i know companies that actually do that you imagine that if you got a car accident while you're podcasting how bad that would suck and who's going to drive all our friends are assholes dude we get your fucking driver dude the music guy who buys all the CDs you get that guy might not be a bad idea I mean and and we can just go anywhere so fuck like oh well you have a show at the Hollywood Improv you fucking park this thing right in front that would be pretty dope yeah you grab people I mean that's like having a studio anywhere you go but these things they're towed what you really want is one with a steering wheel that drives.

[1274] Right, you just get a touring coach.

[1275] The thing about this, though, is when you're, if you get towed, if you have one of those that gets towed, then you don't even talk to the guy that's driving.

[1276] He's just taking you there.

[1277] You're completely closed off in a whole other area.

[1278] So you don't have to hear him on the phone, have to hear him yelling and rushing.

[1279] That's what I'm talking about.

[1280] Big ass.

[1281] Yeah, a truck one.

[1282] They have ones.

[1283] We're looking at one that says the Mercedes Bend one.

[1284] What's one of that, was that called?

[1285] That's called a avenue or interstate touring.

[1286] coach by Airstream.

[1287] And they also have one called the Interstate, which looks like Airstreams on the same server as your...

[1288] That shit's huge.

[1289] Yeah.

[1290] And I mean, this shit's like a fucking house.

[1291] I need to...

[1292] Maybe I should just buy one and sell my car.

[1293] And there's a smaller one...

[1294] How much are these things?

[1295] There's a smaller one you could live in, dude.

[1296] Look that.

[1297] That's a van.

[1298] Basically, you'd be like...

[1299] You'd be the creepy van guy.

[1300] Yeah.

[1301] That's not bad, dude, because I'm only at home.

[1302] I just need to put my animals somewhere maybe to get one of this you don't want to live in a van why not you're ready to give up on life I'm never home I'm home just to sleep well you should get a secured apartment somewhere yeah I just have too many animals for that shit oh yeah you can't get apartments I'm beyond help is if anyone in L .A. wants a fucking cat I got one for you don't give away your cat it was one that I need to get away with the old one right yeah the old one that's rude it's just it just doesn't want to be around anybody you brought a dog and another cat involved I know it hates those you mixed up the the cat the cat's life well the other two are a fucking like buddy cop movie and and they're cool yeah they're cool together they love each other and this one's just like I hate you guys get away happens those old cats they don't like new cats I just want to make it a helicopter and be done with it why I have one cat that's 15 and one cat that's two I love both of them though you have good cats yeah nice cats cool but the the two you're old fox with a 15 year old relentlessly.

[1303] She's always You need to get a small dad for that cat.

[1304] The small dog will take care of it.

[1305] Well, buddy, buddy.

[1306] With the nice cat.

[1307] By the way, don't ever bring your fucking dog over here because my whole family would go crazy for it.

[1308] All the girls, oh my God, it's so cute.

[1309] Oh, my God.

[1310] I'm going to bring it over next time.

[1311] I'm going to get a nice haircut.

[1312] Get some bows.

[1313] If you did, it would be gone.

[1314] If you wanted to get rid of it, for sure.

[1315] I do.

[1316] It really would be gone.

[1317] There we go.

[1318] I could probably take it if you really want.

[1319] Yeah.

[1320] The girls would.

[1321] go nuts because your dog is so friendly and she's so small my daughters will go crazy how old is your dog a year and a half but it's got herpes from the ex -girlfriend right no no I sucked all the herpes right out of that dog fucking cleaned a bullet out of that show has deteriorated drastically since we came back um sorry about the the shit going down earlier ladies and gentlemen we're really uh gonna have to fix our issues here but um death squad west should be up and cracking.

[1322] I'm trying to get it done.

[1323] We're in June.

[1324] I want to get it done before July.

[1325] We're trying to figure out whether or not we're going to do a big Vegas show at the Mandalay Bay in July.

[1326] If we do do it, it will be full Desquod, Ari and Joey, hopefully.

[1327] And Brian will come down too.

[1328] And maybe even Doug Benson, because I think Doug's playing poker down then.

[1329] Because he just asked for tickets the other day.

[1330] Oh, I'm supposed to come down.

[1331] I'm doing Doug's podcast.

[1332] In Vegas.

[1333] I think that's the same weekend.

[1334] Yeah, well, yeah, yeah.

[1335] Yeah, he did that and let's stay for an extra day to do Doug's shit.

[1336] All right, we might do that.

[1337] I can't stay an extra day, but we'll get things cracking.

[1338] All right, let's get the fuck out of here.

[1339] Let's wrap this bitch up.

[1340] So tomorrow night, the Ice House Comedy Club, the second stage, and which is only 85 seats, if you never been there for those shows, it's the most intimate, and I got some new shit I'm trying to work out on.

[1341] And I'm going to do some question and answer, too, just in an effort to try to come up with some new shit.

[1342] This is the period of time for me where it's the most nerve -wracking and chaotic because I'm just fucking around and writing a lot.

[1343] But it's really fun.

[1344] And one of the funest things about it is doing these ice house shows because the crowds are so cool.

[1345] It's like it's the perfect environment to fuck around and practice and try to stretch out and come up with new stuff.

[1346] And everybody's really enjoying them.

[1347] We're going to do them on a regular basis, folks.

[1348] Most likely Wednesday of every week, and a lot of them are Friday.

[1349] I'm not going to be at all the Friday ones, but I'm going to be at most of the Wednesday ones.

[1350] And that's it.

[1351] We're rolling, bitches.

[1352] We got more coming.

[1353] Tomorrow we are off, because you got something going on.

[1354] I'm going to E3, but then we have the Ice House Chronicles that tomorrow.

[1355] It starts at the podcast will start at 8.

[1356] The shows at 830, Icehouse Comedy .com.

[1357] Thursday.

[1358] is not John Anthony West.

[1359] John Anthony West has been moved to Friday.

[1360] Thursday is now Uriah Faber.

[1361] So Thursday, Uriah has a really short schedule, and he's in town, and he's going to do it live.

[1362] John Anthony West is going to do it through Skype.

[1363] It's going to be our first Skype podcast.

[1364] Video or just audio?

[1365] Video and audio.

[1366] So he's going to show us pictures and tell us things.

[1367] So it'll be a little weird for the folks that are just listening, but we'll explain it as best we can.

[1368] And if you don't know who John Anthony West is, he's one of my personal heroes.

[1369] He's an Egyptologist, a fascinating, brilliant guy who is the producer of a video series called Magical Egypt, which is one of the most comprehensive video series on ancient Egypt, and especially like the hidden symbolism involved in hieroglyphs and the construction of their pyramids and their temples and all their different things.

[1370] I mean, really amazing, amazing stuff.

[1371] I can't stress enough how pumped I am to talk to.

[1372] to this guy, because he's just an incredible source of information when it comes to Egypt.

[1373] The guy's been involved in studying it, his entire life, and he's got just some brilliant work out there.

[1374] Can't wait to talk to that, dude.

[1375] So that's Uriah Faber on Thursday.

[1376] John Anthony West is going to be on Friday, and I think we got someone on Saturday, dude.

[1377] Saturday.

[1378] Yeah, I think something's going on on Saturday.

[1379] May or may not be happening on Saturday.

[1380] Like, someone who couldn't do it any other day.

[1381] I'll let you know, so it was get out of this podcast.

[1382] I'm not sure.

[1383] What the fuck I'm talking about here?

[1384] I don't even know what I'm saying.

[1385] That's sledgelline stuff.

[1386] I'm not sure about this.

[1387] Might be ruining me. Sledgeline and Alpha Brain together, battling for dominance.

[1388] Thank you everybody for tuning into the podcast.

[1389] Thanks for everybody who thanks to everybody who came to Edmonton this past weekend.

[1390] Ari and I had a great fucking time.

[1391] Like I said before, I appreciate the fuck out of it and there's not a moment where I'm taking any of this for granted.

[1392] And we're going to keep this bitch rolling.

[1393] thanks to the fleshlight for sponsoring our podcast go to joe rogan dot net click on the link for the fleshlight enter in the code name rogan and save yourself 15 % off the number one sex toy for men thank you also to on it dot com makers of alpha brain shroom tech sport shroom tech immune and new mood we will have kettlebells and protein powder made out of hemp and raw cocoa and maca coming soon and got a lot of good stuff on the horizon and that's all for today you dirty bitches so we'll see you on thursday with your rye of favor and then friday will be john anthony west today if you're wondering if you're somewhere in the future and you have just stumbled upon this podcast it is june 5th 2012 would have been better if i said 2000 without slurring 2012 all right that's it by a desk squad shirt go buy a desk squad shirt go to desk squad dot tv and we got a mike maxwell desk squad shirt a new one that's coming out it's fucking dope.

[1394] It's a chimp with a gas mask on it.

[1395] It says Death Squad Department of Health and Welfare.

[1396] Love it.

[1397] Excellent.

[1398] We're also going to have those T -shirts that Maxwell made, or excuse me, those posters that Maxwell made for Chicago and Atlanta.

[1399] We're going to turn those into T -shirts because so many people were requesting them.

[1400] And they're really cool posters and it's available on Mike Maxwellart .com.

[1401] Mike will also be there tomorrow night.

[1402] He's coming down to the ice house.

[1403] So that's it you freaks.

[1404] We love you.

[1405] we're all in this together all of us as unlikely as it seems although it makes no sense we are all part of something much greater than ourselves one big giant fucking soup of things all spinning around