Charlie Day Returns

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dax Shepard.

[2] I'm joined by Monica Lily Padman.

[3] Happy Monday.

[4] Happy Monday to you.

[5] I'll tell you what guy I love spending a Monday with Charlie Day.

[6] We love Charlie Day.

[7] He's returning guest.

[8] He is.

[9] It was a long time ago that we first had him on.

[10] Yeah, I just love Charlie Day.

[11] He's so damn likable.

[12] He's an actor.

[13] He's a writer.

[14] He's a producer and he is a podcaster.

[15] He, of course, is one of the main three on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

[16] He's also got a beautiful voiceover query.

[17] He's in the Super Mario Brothers movie, big old smash hit, horrible bosses, fist fight, Pacific Rim.

[18] But out now, he has Fool's Paradise, a movie he has written, directed, and is starring in.

[19] Yeah.

[20] I got scared about the starring.

[21] Yeah, he's the guy.

[22] Of course he is.

[23] That's how deep his character is, is I didn't even associate him with it.

[24] Yeah, tell me about it.

[25] Yeah, he's just so fun.

[26] No, he's so fucking cute.

[27] Delightful.

[28] What a character.

[29] He's a character.

[30] He is.

[31] I adore him.

[32] Please enjoy Charlie Day.

[33] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to armchair expert early and ad free right now.

[34] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[35] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[36] He's an armchair expert.

[37] A lot of changes here, pal since last time I was here.

[38] Grass.

[39] Boy, isn't that an enormous difference?

[40] Yeah, it's a good look.

[41] Yeah, it's like, I guess for five years we thought we had a nice yard.

[42] Right, I had the promise of a nice yard.

[43] It was a nice construction zone, which it still is, which it always maybe will be.

[44] It always will be.

[45] But now it's one with grass, which is a difference.

[46] We had my daughter's birthday party here, and there were probably 12 children playing in the grass.

[47] And I have to imagine that elicits the same thing for you as it does for me. It's like now they're having a childhood.

[48] I was also just away from people's homes, which is something I super stress out about as a parent.

[49] I think I left the house at like six.

[50] It was like, bye.

[51] I'll be back for dinner.

[52] You know, I'm not giving that to my kid.

[53] I just was telling my 10 -year -old the exact same thing.

[54] I was like, at your age, I would leave my house on my bicycle at 8 in the morning.

[55] And I'd be out for 8, 10 hours.

[56] I would just drop by my friend's house.

[57] There was no phones.

[58] I was like, knock on someone's door, see if they're home.

[59] He was a cold call.

[60] Yeah, exactly.

[61] Do you ever get the kid that did that at like the random hour, the like, hey, it's past dinner and the kid's showing up?

[62] I remember one kid in my neighborhood occasionally would come over here.

[63] You're like, oh, what's going on in the home life with this guy?

[64] Because he's coming over after hours, you know?

[65] His bedtime, man. Johnny wants to see what everyone's doing.

[66] Yeah.

[67] And I don't know about you.

[68] I was super embarrassed about my parents.

[69] I'm like, oh, dude, get out of here, man. split kid I don't want them to see you what were you embarrassed about because we're both professionals Yeah because they were nerdy They were nerdy Your dad was a professor Yeah exactly And I was like you know First of all I don't know what's going on With your home life man Like why you're here past dark Secondly I don't want you getting a good look at mine man You're not on the inner circle I have very trusted inner circle of friends That are coming in here My dad's a fucking nerd Okay I can't just give you that info and send you out to elementary.

[70] Did you have a favorite friend's house to sleep at?

[71] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[72] Chris Bennett, his house was the spot.

[73] You know why?

[74] Because he had a furnished basement.

[75] There was like a romper room in a way.

[76] They had a pool table down there.

[77] Oh, baby.

[78] Yeah, a full bar, which we got to do later in life.

[79] Yeah.

[80] Is that where you first dipped into a little taste?

[81] And do you remember what it was?

[82] Budweiser, man. But that's very detectable.

[83] Yeah.

[84] We would challenge each other to have some nips off my step -down.

[85] bar.

[86] And I was seven.

[87] So my 12 -year -old brother knew to give me gin or whatever the bad stuff was.

[88] Yeah.

[89] And so all my first ones were like, oh, my God, it's pine salt.

[90] We weren't doing that until we were old enough that he knew we were taking his beer.

[91] I think before that, someone would have to go buy some.

[92] And then we would go into, like, the machine pit of like a church outside, like the air conditioning vent.

[93] We were like crawled down there.

[94] Like, no one's going to find us down here.

[95] The saddest place.

[96] Wait, that's where you would go to drink?

[97] Yeah.

[98] Oh, my God.

[99] Yeah, that's so degenerate right out of the gates.

[100] Just like the hum of the machines.

[101] Like, you know, just like, let's get these nanny lights down.

[102] Like men in black when he's got to enter before he gets to the elevator.

[103] Do you remember that?

[104] Yeah, there's a little in between zone.

[105] And the guy, there's a security guard sitting.

[106] Yeah.

[107] There's this like huge circular device, fan exhaust.

[108] Yeah.

[109] And it's just like, woo, woo.

[110] A couple things, though.

[111] I'm such a bigger fan in the podcast because when I came on, the first, time, I think I just started listening.

[112] In preparation of coming, I think.

[113] Now I've listened to not all of them because there's more.

[114] There's too many.

[115] There's too many.

[116] Yeah, there's too many.

[117] But all the ones that I'm curious about, which was a lot.

[118] That's kind.

[119] And I'm big fan, and I know more about you guys now than you know about me. I have, like, feelings about your dating stuff.

[120] Oh, sure.

[121] Which, like, it irritates me a lot because I feel like you're always into, like, the guy who would have been the captain of the football team and the exact kind of person that would overlook someone like me in high school.

[122] Yeah, nice Charlie Day.

[123] So, Dach Shepherd time.

[124] No, you were looking both of us.

[125] It's fine.

[126] There were no Charlie Days or Dax Shepherds who were interested in me at that age.

[127] I know you're going to say you don't believe me, but I lived it.

[128] That's not true.

[129] That's not true.

[130] Because they just would be too scared to say anything.

[131] Yeah.

[132] Which is, it's, you know.

[133] Because you start putting out a detectable vibe, which is like, I don't think anyone likes me. So I'm not putting out the lure at all.

[134] I would have been so attracted to you.

[135] Yes.

[136] No. I'm remembering.

[137] I was three feet tall, covered in freckles.

[138] That was my type.

[139] I did assess early.

[140] I'm not going to get Richard O 'Cardy.

[141] That was my number one.

[142] Football star.

[143] So I am going to go for this boy, Robbie.

[144] I shouldn't even, this is like bad because they all listen now.

[145] But Robbie, who's not one of my best friends, this is before he sprouted.

[146] So he was very short.

[147] He was a little guy.

[148] He was so nice.

[149] He was funny.

[150] He was smart.

[151] He was cute.

[152] Parents were musicians.

[153] They were professors.

[154] Wow.

[155] Okay.

[156] Similar type.

[157] Similar type.

[158] That's where I honed it on.

[159] Also, Teddy, the boy who rejected me, was such a Charlie type.

[160] Different place, different time, right?

[161] For all of us.

[162] Yeah.

[163] Different place, different time.

[164] Yeah.

[165] Yeah, I wouldn't have rejected it, but I also would not have made a move because I was terrified at that age, you know, to talk to girls.

[166] When did you start dating?

[167] My senior year of high school.

[168] That late, that's how old I was when I first kissed a girl.

[169] But you've always been a little rascal, haven't you?

[170] Oh, yeah, it's a punk, you know?

[171] Hanging out with the boys, but, uh, you know.

[172] So didn't you have the gumption to, like, chat with the eating?

[173] No, no, no. You couldn't chat with girls or you get too nervous or something?

[174] I can make them laugh, you know, like, you're there.

[175] The step past that?

[176] You couldn't, you know, you know, terrifying.

[177] And different time, different place.

[178] The girls are also not going to make any moves.

[179] Yes, correct.

[180] So even if they liked you, if you weren't making the move.

[181] It's a lose -lose.

[182] Early 90s.

[183] Yeah, early 90s.

[184] If a gal made the first move, that would have been unthinkable.

[185] It would have probably traveled all around high school.

[186] Yeah, they would have been a pariah.

[187] You would have been so curious.

[188] You would love it, but.

[189] I think that sometimes this is probably why I do this for a living because prior to this, like I did some plays in school and was always the class clown.

[190] But before doing a play in my senior year or high school, and like getting into writing music.

[191] Before all that, I was all about baseball and just zero luck with the girls.

[192] And then after I started doing that and met other girls I was doing plays with and then suddenly is it like a primal survival kind of thing where you're like, I guess this makes sense for me. This is the lane.

[193] I got to be in if I want to mate.

[194] Yeah.

[195] If you want to procreate as an animal.

[196] I just in the back of your brain somewhere.

[197] You certainly not thinking that.

[198] The reptilian brain is like you have some opportunity here.

[199] This is the lane in which you will potentially.

[200] eventually thrive and no other lanes are you making it man yeah and it worked out yeah worked out it all worked out so senior year was your first kiss uh -huh will you paint a tableau for me a little bit yeah wait i have to try to remember it before you paint the tableau i realize i want one more piece of information did you long for love oh my god yes yeah first time i fell in love was in fifth grade which is interesting because that's how my son is now but i don't think that's on his radar Different, yeah.

[201] Different time in play.

[202] A title of this episode.

[203] A different time in play.

[204] But I don't really remember how it happened.

[205] I remember it was a girl named Catherine.

[206] We saw a movie together.

[207] We had a date.

[208] Oh, wow.

[209] In fifth grade.

[210] No, no, no. But you wanted.

[211] I just needed to know.

[212] Because I very much like junior high, I was all about New Wave.

[213] I love psychedelic furs.

[214] I loved Valley Girl.

[215] I wanted to be in love so bad.

[216] I really wanted it like people want to be on a sports team.

[217] I was in love every year multiple times a year.

[218] Okay.

[219] Okay, great.

[220] So I just wanted to be in love.

[221] I had to know that you had the passion to experience love before we enter this.

[222] Oh, my God, teachers, yes.

[223] I had like a seventh grade social studies teacher.

[224] I was convinced was in love with me. I was like, there's something.

[225] Something's happening.

[226] Some feeling energy.

[227] By the way, you were.

[228] That's what's interesting.

[229] It's dangerous to say that.

[230] But you also were.

[231] I guarantee it.

[232] You're feeling a unique rhythm with a human being.

[233] And it's real.

[234] That's an age thing.

[235] If you guys were the same age, that same rapport would be attractive to you.

[236] Yeah, I think that what you're probably feeling, well, unless you're one of those kids who winds up hooking up with their teachers, which I don't think it was a situation.

[237] I think probably what I was feeling, but she was like, oh, this kid is funny, and he's going out of his way to charm me, and I appreciate it.

[238] Yes.

[239] He, like, adored you.

[240] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[241] I'll tell you exactly what it is.

[242] For me, the quintessential ingredient of love and attraction is playfulness.

[243] So once you are talking with somebody and you get this sense, like, oh, we're talking, we're saying words, but you and I are playing, right?

[244] now.

[245] You're saying I had a chance.

[246] You're saying there was a chance.

[247] Oh, man, I got to dig up an old yearbook.

[248] My eighth grade teacher called me by my last name and it was so playful and hot.

[249] Wow, yeah?

[250] Yeah.

[251] It's weird as a parent to start thinking about that.

[252] At what point does that start getting on my son's radar and is he going to have those crushes?

[253] I don't know.

[254] It's all different now, though.

[255] Lincoln just turned 10.

[256] She does not want anything to do with it.

[257] One of her good friends told her he had a crush on her and she's like, I don't want anything to do with this.

[258] Oh my God.

[259] He pulled back luckily.

[260] They're still buddies.

[261] Delta had her first sleepover with her boyfriend this Saturday.

[262] It got interrupted because we were late coming back from Cirque to Soleil, so it had to get canceled.

[263] But she has a boyfriend.

[264] He's been over.

[265] Wait.

[266] What do you think the odds are that your daughters are going to be into guys who are super into cars and like tattoos?

[267] Seems very plausible.

[268] But I'd say the more important thing is, I hope, is that they're going to be interested in guys who fucking listen to them and interact with them.

[269] That's the want.

[270] I think that they've become used to.

[271] Someone treats them very seriously and intentionally and engages, doesn't placate.

[272] I hope that's the thing they'll have to have in a boyfriend, not the tattoos.

[273] Yeah.

[274] Yeah, a little both, maybe.

[275] Anyways, back to Delta.

[276] Yeah.

[277] So Lincoln, who's two years older, she wants nothing to do with it.

[278] And Delta is like, she Face -Times this point every night.

[279] They talk on the phone for like an hour and a half.

[280] They're eight.

[281] And she had a sleepover schedule on Saturday.

[282] And she's like, it's great.

[283] He likes to sleep on the top bunk, you know, and I like to sleep on the bottom bunk.

[284] His little brother's going to sleep with his mom.

[285] And I'm like, this is hysterical.

[286] I love it.

[287] I love it so much.

[288] It's so fun to watch.

[289] And it was my favorite part of being alive.

[290] And so I'm so excited about the whole thing.

[291] Okay.

[292] So obviously now it's okay that they sleep in the same room.

[293] Yeah.

[294] Is there ever a time where you're like, I don't know.

[295] I know.

[296] You guys should be.

[297] Being in the same room.

[298] Well, first, it'll be a conversation of it.

[299] Might be time to go on the pill, huh?

[300] Well, she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[301] And get off, Raya.

[302] You're too young.

[303] You're way too young.

[304] And that's not even your fame.

[305] That's mine.

[306] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[307] He shouldn't be on that.

[308] Okay, back to the first kiss.

[309] Oh, my God.

[310] Pizza Hut?

[311] It was at school.

[312] It was on campus somewhere.

[313] Yeah.

[314] And I remember I was so excited.

[315] I went to go, like, brag to a friend and, like, realized mid -brague how just uncool it was, you know, because I was too old.

[316] And people had been, like, kissing people for, like, 10 years.

[317] And I was just like, yeah, well, but I was excited.

[318] And then I got, like, a real girlfriend shortly after that, which lasted, like, six months.

[319] And since then I had a handful of relationships.

[320] And then I met my wife when I was 25 years old.

[321] Oh, wow.

[322] And I'm 47.

[323] 22 years.

[324] Yeah.

[325] And we've still been together.

[326] Oh, that's sweet.

[327] That obviously was one of the topics.

[328] Because I already interviewed you.

[329] We already did your childhood.

[330] This did happen at some point.

[331] Many, many months ago.

[332] Just, I think, before the pandemic, like a couple of months before.

[333] No, it had to have been before that.

[334] I was sitting there.

[335] Even before that.

[336] Yeah, you were sitting on this side.

[337] We hadn't figured that out yet.

[338] Finally, one guest was like, I don't like how much I have to turn.

[339] Jake Johnson.

[340] A man with a similarly rusty voice.

[341] He's not unlike you.

[342] We have rusty voices and we don't like to turn to the left.

[343] No, that's the other thing that everyone knows about you guys.

[344] Yeah.

[345] I've never worked with him.

[346] I like to work with him.

[347] I'm a fan.

[348] I'm very attracted to him as an actor.

[349] And he seems to choose really cool stuff.

[350] He had a cool story.

[351] You should listen to that episode.

[352] I will.

[353] Got a great cool dad who was like car salesman type man about town.

[354] Love to party.

[355] Yeah, yeah, it's good.

[356] It's kind of what you might guess.

[357] There's some gambling stuff in there with him, right?

[358] Son of a gambler.

[359] That feels right.

[360] Or he was one.

[361] I forget.

[362] There's something.

[363] There's a patina in there.

[364] For sure.

[365] Okay, now full honesty.

[366] And I know Mary Elizabeth, so I think she wouldn't mind you at all saying this publicly.

[367] but you love your wife to death.

[368] She's the greatest.

[369] She gave you a beautiful son, a masculine boy.

[370] He's very big, that's for sure.

[371] Yeah, yeah.

[372] He's very tall.

[373] Yeah, it's curious, isn't it?

[374] Yeah.

[375] If he didn't love pickles so much, I'd be like, you know, and if he wasn't so dang weird, I'd be more worried.

[376] But, yeah, that's my boy through and through.

[377] But he is a big boy.

[378] He is big, yeah.

[379] And neither are you or Mary Elizabeth are big.

[380] Now, we both had really tall grandparents.

[381] Like her grandfather was like 6 -2 or something Okay Mine was like 6 feet tall And then our parents got the little jeans And then we got the little jeans And then I stored all those good jeans And I passed them on Mega jeans Although it could stop Like I always feel bad When people compliment him on his height Or they're like oh you're so tall What's gonna happen to him If he has that his whole childhood And then just like Like it just totally stops Yeah Yeah that's identity shattering He'll be fine He'll work it out His parents are rich No, no, no, no, I made a lot of bad gambling the same thing with Jake Johnson.

[382] I think you'll find this amusing.

[383] My father, who look, he's doing the best he could.

[384] He was so proud of how enormous I was, but he also never knew my age.

[385] And so what was already preposterous is that I was 5 '9 in third grade or something, right?

[386] But when he would introduce me to his buddies at the bar on the weekend with him, he was going to go, look this fucking kid.

[387] He would not only do it already look insane.

[388] But he was also shaving a couple years off on accident almost every time he told people.

[389] And then they would be, they would think I had a condition.

[390] Yeah, like acromegaly or whatever, like our man under the giant.

[391] Genuinely, I think he had it wrong.

[392] I went from being really fun and on the verge of kind of freaky to like, wow, your kid's got some medical thing, clearly.

[393] If he's six years old, he was looking at eye off.

[394] We got to check his pituitary gland here.

[395] Yes, exactly.

[396] Yeah.

[397] And then I didn't know if my job was to back up his lie or correct him.

[398] Well, it's confusing, you know.

[399] Your dad's drunk.

[400] He's lying.

[401] And you're supposed to navigate the whole thing yourself.

[402] You're already too tall.

[403] So you're feeling weird about your body.

[404] But he's drunk.

[405] So if I contradict him in front of his buddies, is that going to embarrass him?

[406] That can go bad.

[407] He's going to get self -conscious.

[408] I would say your dad wasn't doing the best he could.

[409] Based on that story.

[410] Based on you, you know.

[411] That was a period where he wasn't doing the best he could of, right?

[412] Right, but he did end up doing the best he could.

[413] He pulled it together.

[414] Yeah.

[415] Okay, back to the 22 years together.

[416] Yeah, Mary Elizabeth.

[417] 22 years.

[418] Who is beautiful and charming and sexy.

[419] You wrangled a really great one.

[420] So there's zero regret there.

[421] But do you ever just think, boy, I really got into this pretty quick?

[422] Let me, let me back up.

[423] This ties into a separate question that I want to ask you about is, are you experiencing a midlife crisis at all?

[424] And how does it look for you?

[425] And is that in the mix, too?

[426] When I was 25, I felt like I'd done it all.

[427] Yeah.

[428] I was like, I'm old now.

[429] And I never matured past 25, which was helpful.

[430] So, no, if anything, I felt lucky that I wasn't in my mid -30s trying to figure out, all right, well, do people like me because I'm on a TV show or they've seen me in a movie?

[431] I never had to navigate that.

[432] She got in at the ground floor.

[433] Yeah, lucky that we had that.

[434] And so did you.

[435] Yeah, yeah, that we kind of came up together with success.

[436] Angel investors.

[437] And, yeah, angel investors in each other's lives.

[438] And, you know, you have friends whose relationships have fallen apart and you're grateful that we have whatever that is, that ability to navigate through whenever things are tough for us.

[439] In terms of a midlife crisis, I don't think I'm having one, which is weird, right?

[440] Like, if you had the thought, well, I'm certainly more than halfway through.

[441] Nope.

[442] Oh, my God.

[443] I'm so envious.

[444] Right now.

[445] Well, you know what, do you think part of the problem is that I've been doing the same damn thing?

[446] thing for so long, like with its always Sunday in Philadelphia, that I keep resetting the clock and doing another season of that.

[447] My life hasn't changed so much that I have to sort of reckon with it.

[448] Yes, I guess what I have observed, and I've asked some older actor friends of mine, you will have to confront it because you'll start playing roles where you have a nine -year -old, or you have a 12 -year -old, or you have a 20 -year -old, or you have a graduate.

[449] And even I know on parenthood for Craig T. Nelson, it's like he had to get sides that said he's going to die.

[450] And he had to go, yeah, that would be reasonable.

[451] Or I was on the ranch, and I love the actress I was working with.

[452] She was older than me, and she was playing Alzheimer's.

[453] And I said to her, is it so wild?

[454] Because I imagine like you, you feel 30 like I do.

[455] You're going to play someone's Alzheimer's, which makes total sense or they wouldn't have given you the part.

[456] Generally, your job will force you to as an actor recognize what age you are.

[457] Yeah.

[458] But yours weirdly, you're stuck.

[459] I know.

[460] And playing a character that's not supposed to develop or change.

[461] I mean, I have crisis moments about doing that show where we're writing and you're feeling like, oh, we've squeezed a lemon dry or whatever, but then you stumble on a joke and you get excited and then it's like you're born again.

[462] What season are we in?

[463] 16.

[464] Wow.

[465] We just finished season 16.

[466] Oh, my God.

[467] We have to stop for that.

[468] That's incredible.

[469] Yeah, longest running comedy on TV.

[470] That's not a cartoon, yeah.

[471] Which is.

[472] It's very wild.

[473] I just don't feel like I've had that crisis moment yet.

[474] My wife hasn't left me yet.

[475] Have you bought anything stupid?

[476] No, and I want to buy something stupid.

[477] Like, I've wanted, like, a really nice vintage car.

[478] If I've texted you about this on and off over the years, and I don't do it.

[479] Yeah.

[480] But here's the problem.

[481] I am so almost like OCD about the tasks that I'm trying to do that right now I feel like I have three things that I'm so focused on.

[482] One is raising a child.

[483] I'm just in the zone of that.

[484] You know, he's 11.

[485] He's in the middle of it.

[486] not kind of like, hey, let's walk away and look at what we did.

[487] Middle school and all that is coming up.

[488] Two is this television show, which I've been doing for 16 years that we don't have facet.

[489] Like when we go to do it, I'm all in.

[490] Yeah, because you're writing it.

[491] You're in the writer's room.

[492] And then three was this movie that I made over the course of 10 years.

[493] Yeah, because I want to say that when we interviewed you last, we talked about this movie.

[494] Yeah, I was wrapped on my first pass of filming it.

[495] Yes.

[496] I went back in and reshot a quarter the film.

[497] Yeah.

[498] But so I get so caught in these projects, and I haven't put any of them down yet.

[499] So that one was from 2014 to now, and Sonny was from 2005 to now, and Russell was from 2011.

[500] I just haven't stopped down for my midlife crisis.

[501] But as soon as these are all out, I'm going to just be like, who am I, what have I done?

[502] And what was the point of all this?

[503] Can we get you a hot rod?

[504] I mean...

[505] Yeah.

[506] Even like with drinking and stuff, during the pandemic, and I was maybe like going a little too hard to try to cope with it.

[507] Even then I was like, eh, no, I can balance this.

[508] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[509] I need to do something crazy, right?

[510] Well, no. I sometimes think that about like Stern, which I've never done Stern.

[511] And I'm like, what am I going to talk about?

[512] I haven't blown anything on.

[513] You didn't blow up your show.

[514] You didn't blow up your marriage.

[515] No, I haven't blown shit up yet.

[516] You're not introducing your son as eight.

[517] No, no. Try it, though.

[518] Try what my dad did and just see.

[519] Because your son at 11, you're like, well, that's a big boy.

[520] Yeah, yeah.

[521] But if you said he was eight, I think.

[522] He's pretty big for eight.

[523] This little guy's about to start third grade You can believe with this little guy He can read it right too We had such opposite experiences Like I can remember going to theme park I think like in fifth grade And being smaller than all the fucking stupid clowns That you're supposed to be tall enough To ride the ride on Forty eight inches Yeah I was little I got a good for me boost in high school Where I'm like okay I'm going to seem like low averageish Yeah yeah But before that I was like really tiny Tiny, yeah.

[524] It's kind of amazing the human race that someone can be that little and then you can have like Shaquille O 'Neal.

[525] We just went through this.

[526] We just went through this.

[527] Okay, so Nicholas Braun.

[528] Cousin Greg.

[529] He's a great big tall guy.

[530] Six, seven.

[531] We just took a picture of he and Monica next to each other.

[532] And literally, I said exactly what you're saying.

[533] I said, same species.

[534] They could have a fertile offspring.

[535] Maybe.

[536] We'll have to try.

[537] Probably.

[538] Statistically speaking, yes.

[539] Yeah.

[540] Have you seen Shaquille O 'Neill's girlfriend?

[541] No. Not only is he Shaq.

[542] He's seven, two.

[543] She is 4 -11.

[544] I can look at pictures in them forever if you just keep showing me new pictures.

[545] I'm blown away.

[546] That's exciting.

[547] I used to want to be super tall, especially when I wanted to be a baseball player.

[548] And I was like, okay, who's the tallest one?

[549] And the tallest guy, what I was coming up was like 5 -7.

[550] So I was like, okay, if I can just get to be 5 -7, maybe I can.

[551] Oh, you mean the shortest guy?

[552] The shortest, yes.

[553] I was going to say, Randy Johnson.

[554] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[555] The smallest guy was 5 -7.

[556] And then I remember, like, measuring myself in high school was 5, 6 and 3 quarters.

[557] And I was like, if I could just get that.

[558] Well, you know, maybe with the baseball spikes on.

[559] But then you got guys like Jose Altovae, who's like 5 '2 and, you don't follow baseball.

[560] But this guy, very good.

[561] MVP.

[562] I feel like you wouldn't have to be that tall for baseball.

[563] Size and sports are good.

[564] Your strike zone's very small.

[565] That's true.

[566] Right?

[567] That's a little bit of a help.

[568] And running, then you can run faster.

[569] Until a certain speed.

[570] Speed and strength, man. It caps out.

[571] So also what has happened since you were last year was that you're, own podcast is enormous.

[572] Yes.

[573] Although we're not doing it right now.

[574] I'm so confused by your guys's game plan.

[575] Walk me through.

[576] You have a hit show.

[577] Everyone loves it.

[578] They want it.

[579] And you guys have decided to not do a deal and then stop recording.

[580] It sounds like what is going on?

[581] The three of us together are pure chaos, but not in terms of like personalities.

[582] None of us are like fighting or I don't want to do it.

[583] It's more getting people in the same room and getting them committed to doing it.

[584] But you know, to really do a podcast, to do it the way you're doing it, it's a pretty full -time game.

[585] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[586] And I think we were finding that it kept pulling us away from the show, most importantly, the thing that brought us to the party, and the other things that we're working on.

[587] So we all sort of collectively said, hey, let's just take a minute, and then we'll just do them when we're free and we want to do them.

[588] And it won't be this sort of big play for a great big sort of financial score, but we'll just do it for fun when we feel like it.

[589] It sounds so healthy.

[590] It's pretty healthy.

[591] But it's driving me nuts.

[592] It's driving me a little nuts because I'm like, let's go.

[593] But at the same time, we're going to go do a bunch of live shows.

[594] Oh.

[595] We're going to be in London and Dublin.

[596] You're going to London to do the podcast on stage?

[597] Uh -huh.

[598] We're playing Royal Albert Hall.

[599] Wait a minute.

[600] Why did you decide to start in London?

[601] Or have you already done some in the U .S.?

[602] We were going over there because we're going to pop on Rob's Rexum show.

[603] Oh, okay.

[604] And do something over there.

[605] And we figured, eh, let's pay for the whole thing by doing some live podcasts.

[606] Yeah.

[607] And so then you announced these dates and you sold these places.

[608] out.

[609] Yeah.

[610] Incredible, isn't it?

[611] Isn't it so flattering?

[612] And yet we're not doing the podcast.

[613] No one's anything to do with it.

[614] Maybe by the time this airs, we'll be back up and doing some more.

[615] I don't know what the game plan is.

[616] How many a year?

[617] What's the max you guys did in year?

[618] And what are you down to now?

[619] No idea.

[620] Was it ever once a week?

[621] Yeah, there was a minute where we were all free enough to squeeze them in once a week.

[622] And then sometimes we would go in and like do two or three in a week so that we could buy a couple weeks off.

[623] We were cooking along pretty good until we hit production of Sonny this year.

[624] We just wrapped a couple weeks ago and now we're in the editing room.

[625] So we kind of stopped in the middle of production where we're like, we can't.

[626] To get off work and then go cop in a room together after you've been in the writer's room and then production.

[627] Yeah, we were doing it a little bit through the writer's room and then, I don't know, we just stopped.

[628] But call those guys.

[629] Say you want it back.

[630] I have listened to several episodes and I love it.

[631] It's a no -brainer why it works, which is you guys have a fucking very well -established report.

[632] What makes this work is that Monica and I had a thing.

[633] We like to argue and bicker and yet we both respect each other.

[634] It's self -generating nonstop.

[635] But also what makes it work is that you guys have committed yourself to the art of podcasting.

[636] Maybe you started out being like, hey, let's try podcasting.

[637] Now like you are podcasters.

[638] It's what you do.

[639] You do it well.

[640] You interview people well.

[641] You're prepared.

[642] You know what you want to ask them.

[643] And I would think this takes first priority in your business life.

[644] Oh, absolutely.

[645] Yeah, yeah.

[646] That's a key difference.

[647] You're right.

[648] That is the difference.

[649] It's our priority.

[650] The first three years, I was on two different TV shows.

[651] And we certainly made it work.

[652] But what really started happening weirdly was I would be at an acting job thinking, this is so silly.

[653] I need to be back there where I really care about it and love it and I'm on fire for it.

[654] It felt kind of silly that I wasn't committing to this thing that was giving me so much.

[655] It was almost felt disrespectful.

[656] Like, why are you trying to juggle all this?

[657] You have this incredible bolt of lightning nurture it and commit to it.

[658] And I felt silly at the other place as opposed to silly here.

[659] The three of us, like you said, we have a specific voice and a brand and the show is the brand.

[660] And then the podcast starting to become the brand.

[661] No one has voiced this.

[662] This is maybe just a wild guess.

[663] Not wanting an episode about an episode to be the primary thing.

[664] What almost feels like the ones a vampire on the other thing a little bit?

[665] A little bit.

[666] Even doing it live, which I like, and it's really fun interacting with the fans, there is a piece of me that's like, oh, I'm just singing the same day man, nightman kind of songs for the podcast where I guess that's what bands do, just to kind of replay the hits.

[667] But there is that side of me that always wants to be making something new and being inventive.

[668] That being said, it's a total rush doing it live.

[669] So you've done it live already.

[670] Yeah.

[671] Where?

[672] We did two live shows in Philly and then one at a festival called Bourbon and Beyond, which it was in Kentucky.

[673] That would make sense.

[674] Yeah, yeah.

[675] That one was sort of chaotic.

[676] Were people hammered?

[677] The Philly ones, people were also hammered there.

[678] It's sort of a theme with us.

[679] Yeah.

[680] You guys should go to Bike Week in Daytona next.

[681] Oh, my God.

[682] Or Where's Beach?

[683] Go to the New Hampshire Bike Week.

[684] I know.

[685] It is fun.

[686] I do want to keep doing it.

[687] The frustrating thing is it's so seemingly effortless.

[688] As soon as I listened to it and I was talking to Rob about it.

[689] I'm like, you know, you have the thing already that people would strive.

[690] years to get, which is you have the magic relationship.

[691] So it's like, you guys could really add that to so many places.

[692] And it's just going to work because we like being with you guys.

[693] It's entertaining.

[694] There's a symmetry to that relationship, which is endlessly giving.

[695] This is not throwing my partners under the bus here, but sometimes I'm a little disappointed that we haven't branched that chemistry and rapport outside of the show into other things.

[696] Yes.

[697] Like Seth Rogan, who I love and adore and I love all those movies like him and Evan.

[698] go on and make all these sort of different things.

[699] And, you know, Rob and I successfully sold Myth DeQuest, and he's gone and run that with Megan, and they've done a great job.

[700] But, like, the three of us together, I mean, Glenn and I were writing a comedy Western years ago.

[701] Then Seth McFarland came out with his and we're like, well, that kind of killed it.

[702] But just kind of wishing that we had done a few more.

[703] You're doing 16 seasons.

[704] We have done 16 seasons of television.

[705] The reason the other people can do that is because they're doing a movie and then another movie or three seasons of a show and then they do something else.

[706] You guys have been committed to the same.

[707] Yeah, that's why.

[708] It was a big part of what took me so long to do this movie is I would keep having to go back and deliver an entire season of television, which takes some time.

[709] Yeah, but I have a hunch I know what you're saying.

[710] I'm the worst offender of it, which is, yes, envious of Seth, extremely envious of Danny McPath.

[711] Oh, yeah, Danny is incredible.

[712] He's incredible.

[713] He has his dudes.

[714] They've always been his dudes.

[715] That's all he wants to do is do shit and create with his dudes.

[716] And I think I wanted my own independent glory over the years.

[717] And I wanted to prove I could be something without the other elements that had just worked.

[718] Selfishly for me. And I think I admire that there's something about Danny McBride that screams integrity to me and doing it for the right reason.

[719] And so, yes, I think you guys probably should have had this superhero show that they have.

[720] Oh, the boys.

[721] The boys.

[722] It's like it's not Seth.

[723] But yet, Seth is they.

[724] He knows how to nurture and foster something.

[725] And so, yeah, you guys probably should have had a few The Boys along the way.

[726] I think so.

[727] I think we all just had different interests.

[728] You know, Rob got taken into Minecraft for a long time.

[729] He was going to make a Minecraft movie.

[730] And that took him down a certain path.

[731] Collectively, we had made a pilot for a television show called Boldly Going Nowhere.

[732] I auditioned for it.

[733] You did?

[734] Yes.

[735] It's one of the funniest scripts I ever read.

[736] It's a Star Trek -y type thing and the Captain sucks.

[737] You audition for The Captain?

[738] Yeah.

[739] They're like Star Trek, but they suck.

[740] right did we see it or did you get past the i was talking to rob about it when i auditioned for it because i had never been in a show yet i had just done movies up to that point and i was like i don't know if i ever want to do tv but then i read that script i thought it was so fucking funny it was funny you had been great i felt like i was again well maybe that's why it didn't work well okay that's what i like to believe it was before sunny no no no it was the middle of sunny there was no before sunny right Yeah, yeah.

[741] Time didn't exist.

[742] SETI just is.

[743] We've never written a feature together.

[744] We work with each other on things, but I know.

[745] It's a shame.

[746] Part of it is you guys weren't childhood friends.

[747] You were kind of put together professionally by some people who knew you guys would work well together.

[748] Yeah, there's some truth to that.

[749] You're kind of more of a boy band.

[750] You think about it that way.

[751] Oh, no. You guys were put together.

[752] Rob and I were friends before that sort of nudging of us working together happened.

[753] And I'd met Glenn as well.

[754] But you're right.

[755] There was a moment where we all had the same manager.

[756] And he was like, you three guys should do something together.

[757] Yeah, you hadn't gone to college together.

[758] Or like Seth and Evan grew up together.

[759] Danny went to college with all those guys he still works with.

[760] No, but I think you hit it on the head.

[761] If we were still making Super Bad, if Super Bad lasted for 16 years.

[762] That's what they'd be doing.

[763] Yeah, then that's what they'd be doing.

[764] So you're saying it's time to end the show.

[765] I got it.

[766] Okay.

[767] So if we end it, it's you guys.

[768] And then you can do the podcast.

[769] It wasn't me. Whatever.

[770] I've made my pitch.

[771] I want you guys to make the boys.

[772] It would be fun to do more stuff.

[773] I would have liked to have all done like two big movies together.

[774] Now that they're kind of gone.

[775] Unless you guys are in fighter jets.

[776] Yeah, well, don't rule it out.

[777] Hot shots.

[778] Oh, man, that's actually a great pitch.

[779] Yep.

[780] My daughter just watched Hot Shots because she loves Top Gun.

[781] So Kristen was like, you know, there's a parody of Top Gun.

[782] Doing our own sort of airplane -esque Top Gun.

[783] I would love that.

[784] That's really funny.

[785] See, I would do that.

[786] Okay, do it.

[787] Go do it.

[788] Bottom gun.

[789] But then it's getting the other guys who want to do it.

[790] They don't want to do it.

[791] Glenn would be a perfect ice man. I'd be a hilarious old fat mav.

[792] Magalini's going to be like the dickhead sergeant who's taskmastering and then has to join the guys at the end of the day.

[793] Yeah, yeah.

[794] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[795] What's up, guys, this is your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[796] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[797] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[798] And I don't mean just friends.

[799] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[800] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[801] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[802] We've all been there, turning to the internet, to self -diagnose, are inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[803] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[804] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[805] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[806] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[807] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[808] Follow Mr. Ballin's medical mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[809] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon music.

[810] Okay, so you're not having a midlife crisis.

[811] That's a bummer.

[812] On the podcast, you know, you're doing it, but you don't know if you're doing it.

[813] Maybe that's her crisis is that we're just not sure if we're committed.

[814] through the podcast.

[815] So as you know, my first love is Michael Honey.

[816] That's how I even know you guys, through Caitlin, of course.

[817] Yeah.

[818] But Rob and I adore each other.

[819] I've noticed over the last couple years, many of his posts, he's with Ryan Reynolds.

[820] Yeah.

[821] They dress really nice together and they own a sports franchise.

[822] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[823] And I'm just kind of like, I don't know.

[824] You're jealous.

[825] Yeah, I'm jealous.

[826] Like, why didn't he come to you about the sports franchise?

[827] Everything.

[828] I'll put some nice clothes on.

[829] We can go to England or whatever.

[830] I'll go with you guys.

[831] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[832] This guy came around out of nowhere, seemingly their best friends.

[833] They're not.

[834] Let me tell you, I, uh, you know, I don't see that Ryan Reynolds ever.

[835] Never see him.

[836] I think they get along well, though.

[837] No, no, I mean, God bless him, man. Like, yeah, you had that idea.

[838] He told me about it.

[839] He was like, yeah, I think I'm going to do this thing where I'm going to buy a soccer team.

[840] Instead of being like, what, that's crazy.

[841] The second he said it, I was like, that's a great idea, man. Well, wow, you were immediately supportive.

[842] Yeah, I like, the minute he heard.

[843] I was like, that's just a great idea for a show.

[844] Also, I think I had been working on this film for years and mired in like trying to make a movie and tell a story in a sort of different structure than people use.

[845] And I'm like, why don't I just do a goddamn sports formula thing?

[846] You know what I mean?

[847] Where it's just like, you're rooting for the team, and then is the team going to win?

[848] And then they do win.

[849] Like the audience, they love it.

[850] It's all right there for you.

[851] And so when he said that, I'm like, oh, you're taking the sports formula plus reality TV and then you're splashing in Ryan.

[852] Reynolds.

[853] You can't lose, man. A little dash of Reynolds.

[854] Oh, it goes a long way.

[855] It goes a long way, yeah.

[856] He's another guy.

[857] Mind you, I'm friendly with him.

[858] I used to ride motorcycles with him occasionally when he lived here.

[859] I totally.

[860] Yeah, he rides.

[861] And he's got great taste in motorcycles.

[862] He was like the first one to have a Paul Smart that I knew really cool Ducati.

[863] You know, like I show up.

[864] I'm in like Gortex.

[865] I'm ready to go down at 190.

[866] I'm like, that's a vintage leather jacket, huh?

[867] What's that Beanie.

[868] One of those boots.

[869] He looks like he's on the cover of a G -Q.

[870] They gave it to me at the modeling shoot.

[871] And then they gave me the bike, too.

[872] I don't know.

[873] Life's easy.

[874] Now I'm a billionaire too, guys.

[875] G -Wiz.

[876] What's next?

[877] Life is good, huh?

[878] Ryan Reynolds, we'd love for you to come on and let us know if all that's true.

[879] So let me start with, I like him.

[880] And I like his shit.

[881] I love Deadpool.

[882] But even more, all this advertising stuff he does, this guy cannot miss. I'm blown away with everything.

[883] Every one of his advertising things.

[884] You know, he's really smart guy.

[885] It seems like really savvy, really good sort of sense of how to market things himself.

[886] Yes.

[887] A good sort of sense of humor about himself.

[888] And that's always nice and a handsome guy.

[889] They're great.

[890] Everyone he does, I'm like, that's a very clever way to get into that commercial.

[891] Now, has he taken some things off the plate for himself?

[892] Let me ask you this.

[893] Okay.

[894] If he goes and tries to do like a sort of Oscar -worthy performance, are you going to be like, No, man, you've sold me too many cell phones or whatever.

[895] No, right?

[896] He can do it all.

[897] Stories King.

[898] If they do it, it doesn't fucking matter.

[899] It is a meritocracy at the end of the day.

[900] Honestly, we have to thank guys like Ryan Reynolds and George Clooney who go and they hawk products.

[901] And you're like, okay, well, if these cool dudes can do it, then I obviously can do it.

[902] When we started out, if you were an established actor doing a commercial, it was like, oh, I guess it's over for this guy.

[903] Yeah.

[904] Yeah.

[905] It's completely different now because now it's you in the commercial.

[906] It's not you being like cast in the commercial and the thing.

[907] Also, commercials have elevated.

[908] When Chris and I did the commercial, it's not like we were doing a tied commercial from the 90s.

[909] We said, we'll be us.

[910] If that interests you, let's party.

[911] So we had creative control.

[912] That didn't exist.

[913] So again, as long as the commercial is good, you're win.

[914] Like, I see some of these commercials on the Super Bowl.

[915] I've done tons of them.

[916] Yeah.

[917] And I'm like, oh, that's my favorite thing.

[918] I've seen this guy in in a while.

[919] Some of these commercials?

[920] Sure.

[921] Yeah.

[922] McConaughey's commercials are great, man. He's one of the best.

[923] You do a very good McConaughey impression.

[924] Thank you so much.

[925] Do you think he has the thing that most people have where they don't hear their own voice?

[926] Any actor gets so used to hearing how they look and sound that that thing goes away, I think.

[927] But I've had the experience where someone's doing me and everyone's laughing and I'm like, that does not sound like Ed Helms does a me. Oh, really?

[928] And so does Krasinski.

[929] And I've been around both of them when people are really laughing.

[930] And I'm like, what is he doing?

[931] That sounds like me. I can't see it.

[932] You would be tough.

[933] I was never good with impressions.

[934] Does anyone do you as someone?

[935] You would think that people would do me like, but they just go high and they go like this.

[936] And it's like they overdo it.

[937] They overshoot the mark.

[938] No, I mean, because you have a mix of grovely and high.

[939] It's hard.

[940] But then people like, they go, they go, they're doing an impression at me. And then I talk like they talk like this.

[941] They go a little high.

[942] They go too high with it.

[943] I think they're miscalmed.

[944] calculating.

[945] It's not high.

[946] No, it's the graveliness.

[947] But what's so hard is it's gravelly and high.

[948] But not too high.

[949] It's like.

[950] No, you don't sound like a woman being attacked in an alley.

[951] I mean, I can.

[952] Like the more upset I get the higher I go.

[953] You know, but yeah.

[954] What voice are you doing?

[955] Oh, okay.

[956] Here, now we're under your products.

[957] Okay.

[958] And they're great.

[959] Both products you're here to pedal.

[960] Super Mario Brothers.

[961] This is a mega movie.

[962] This is the biggest movie you've ever been in, right?

[963] I don't know about you.

[964] I have let go.

[965] of that fantasy that I will ever be in huge movies.

[966] It did not occur to me how big this movie was going to be.

[967] It didn't.

[968] No. But did you come in after Chris?

[969] Yeah.

[970] Chris is only in the biggest movies of all time.

[971] Yeah.

[972] Anything he's in, they make six of.

[973] That's true.

[974] We did the Lego movies together.

[975] That's a huge.

[976] I knew he could carry a cartoon movie on his shoulders and that he was very good at it.

[977] I did not anticipate the passion of the Nintendo fans.

[978] When you really think about it, okay, if you're a big fan of, say, Jurassic Park, how many times have you seen Jurassic Park in your life?

[979] Let's say you're a super fan, and you've seen it 15 times.

[980] Don't ask me to do math.

[981] However many hours that is, right?

[982] No way that's even coming close to the amount of hours people have spent with Mario and Luigi.

[983] I spent two years in my life.

[984] Two years of your life, totally.

[985] So the relationship people have with those characters, and then even seeing it in my own son who loves video games and will escape into video games to sort of cope with life.

[986] Yes.

[987] That Mario Luigi have been around making people's lives better.

[988] I know this sounds like a plug for Nintendo.

[989] Like I have some Nintendo corporate guy with a gun at the back of my head.

[990] I'm like, now say this.

[991] No, it's totally true that it's made someone's day better.

[992] It's been a great escape from a bully in their life or whatever it is.

[993] They can go into this world that they have some level of control over, perform a series of tasks.

[994] They can get better at it.

[995] The accomplishment.

[996] Master.

[997] You could beat it.

[998] So stepping into this.

[999] that you're realizing, okay, people really care so much about it.

[1000] Now, I feel confident.

[1001] Maybe this is arrogance.

[1002] Maybe this is ignorance.

[1003] But if someone calls me and says, hey, you're the man, my first instinct is like, you've made a damn good choice because I'm going to bring it.

[1004] You know, that's only after I'm done that I'm like, oh boy, I hope that works.

[1005] But when I'm in it, I'm like, great, let's go.

[1006] I'm going to give it my all.

[1007] So during the process of making it, it did not occur me at all the sort of the passion and the fandom and then so far from what i've seen it seems as though people are reacting positively to what i'm doing so yeah there's a lot of relief there it's probably really tactically smart that you didn't allow yourself to recognize what a significant seminal property it is for people because that might have fucking psyched you out a little bit like cartoon guys who smashed their heads into bricks looking for coins so i like you know it's not like and they're they're italian right this is yeah i'm italian I know, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1008] Your great -grandfather changed the name.

[1009] My grandfather, my dad's dad.

[1010] Went from Della.

[1011] Del Giorno.

[1012] Is that delivering?

[1013] No, it's del Giorno.

[1014] Yeah, it's the Jorno.

[1015] Slightly different spelling.

[1016] Just a slightly different word.

[1017] Of the great pizza fortune.

[1018] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1019] So going into it, what is your process?

[1020] I actually am interested in this.

[1021] It sounds like a fake question, but it's sincere.

[1022] The sky's kind of the limit.

[1023] We've never heard Luigi talk.

[1024] There's some.

[1025] things in the video games, and then there's been some previous cartoons and movies.

[1026] Okay.

[1027] How do you decide what Luigi's going to sound like?

[1028] Is your first thought?

[1029] Like, I'm going, huge Italian accent.

[1030] Well, I didn't take it, honestly, until I knew what their intentions were with the movie.

[1031] What version of this are you guys trying to make?

[1032] And they were saying, no, we're trying to make actually real grounded, as far as you can ground a Nintendo character so that they have emotions and that you care about them.

[1033] And they're not just saying like, let's go the whole time, you know, for 90 minutes.

[1034] Or like, yeah, we know it's you, dude.

[1035] You've been saying it for 90 minutes.

[1036] Just like any other acting job, years of research.

[1037] Hang out with bricklayers around time.

[1038] I cannot tell you how much pasta I ate.

[1039] But you don't wait until you get in there to try the voice out.

[1040] You're in your bedroom or something, trying out some different voices.

[1041] Yeah.

[1042] Are you recording any of them in your phone or anything?

[1043] I don't think I did that.

[1044] My voice winds up sounding like my voice no matter what I do to it.

[1045] Right.

[1046] You know?

[1047] So if I'm talking like this, it sounds like me talking like this.

[1048] I thought to that character like this, it still kind of sounds like me. Yeah, yeah.

[1049] Sir Billy the Kid has a pretty thick accent.

[1050] All right.

[1051] We're going to get in that too.

[1052] Yeah, yeah.

[1053] But you're right.

[1054] When Billy the kid in your movie starts letting it rip some Charlie Day comes out.

[1055] I know.

[1056] Yeah.

[1057] Because it just has to.

[1058] Until someone tells me, hey, eliminate yourself from your character.

[1059] Yeah.

[1060] That's my juice.

[1061] I'm bringing my life experience to everything I do.

[1062] What's making you so appealing.

[1063] in my opinion is you're incredibly specific.

[1064] That's why you're appealing.

[1065] You're very specific.

[1066] If I see you and eight other people on screen, I will certainly remember you.

[1067] You'd be like to Jordan, don't shoot jump shots anymore.

[1068] That's what you're great at.

[1069] Thank you, man. Thank you.

[1070] I'm the Michael Jordan of acting.

[1071] You said it here.

[1072] Goodbye, everybody.

[1073] Good night.

[1074] So I went in there knowing I was going to do the Italian thing, but for me, like it was like a little Brooklyn, but having lived in New York for years and then also probably just bringing a lot of providence to the character, you know, just like put a lot of road.

[1075] Island in there.

[1076] Providence is like the third gangster city.

[1077] Well, outside of New York.

[1078] I'm just saying, you think New York first and you think Boston with the Irish mob.

[1079] All the Italian mob was in Providence.

[1080] And then Mayor Buddy Ciancy, who was all tied in with a mob, went to jail, and then came back out, ran for mayor again, got reelected and won again.

[1081] That's so good.

[1082] That's like Mary and Barry.

[1083] Do you remember him?

[1084] Of course.

[1085] Smoke crack on TV.

[1086] And they got reelected.

[1087] Honestly, I feel like our politician should smoke more crack.

[1088] Why not?

[1089] Just admit it.

[1090] Just be like, all right, I'm going to smoke a little bit of crack.

[1091] Then I'm going to hit the floor and let's just talk it out.

[1092] I'm going to talk to some constituents.

[1093] I need to hear from them.

[1094] I'm going to talk to my constituents on my crack cocaine.

[1095] Honestly, I think I tried a million different ways of doing the voice.

[1096] And they were very specific about what they wanted.

[1097] I see now why, because of the passionate fan base.

[1098] Speaking to the fan base and the relationship that people have with the characters, so they were like, we don't want to get this wrong.

[1099] So we tried it a lot of different ways.

[1100] Oftentimes they'd be telling me to take the edge off it.

[1101] I think I'd be going like a little too good.

[1102] And they'd be like, you know, let's sweeten Luigi up here a little bit.

[1103] Now you just can't leave.

[1104] Now you just can't leave.

[1105] Yeah, Mario, I'm going to break your neck, you saw it.

[1106] I see another one of these fucking mushrooms.

[1107] It's always trying to give you a fucking mushroom.

[1108] They're going to kick in the doors and drag me out of here.

[1109] The Mario Police Secret Service.

[1110] You know, it's funny, though.

[1111] So I have really enjoyed being a part of that.

[1112] What's hard for me is I can come up with a good voice and I can really find a rhythm.

[1113] But then seven days later, I can't really.

[1114] really remember the voice I was doing.

[1115] Anytime I commit to a cartoon, every session, I'm like, could you play back?

[1116] I had to do that for sure.

[1117] You did.

[1118] Okay.

[1119] Thank God they're recording it.

[1120] Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[1121] But it's hard to remember a voice you've made up.

[1122] Yes.

[1123] Again, I wouldn't say I was coming at it from a point of like making up a voice.

[1124] It really was sort of more just an acting thing, which was just like, okay, what does Luigi want?

[1125] Yeah.

[1126] What is you saying to Mario?

[1127] Mushrooms.

[1128] It sounds a little bit like my voice.

[1129] Now just give it a little bit of Brooklyn and cartoon it up a little bit.

[1130] I like him, you know, like a little more Mario, you know, like a little more like, yeah, I don't know.

[1131] I don't know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a winner.

[1132] I know, it's big for Russell.

[1133] This is big in the day household.

[1134] Oh, I bet.

[1135] I'm going to take him to the premiere and a couple of his buddies.

[1136] Oh, wonderful.

[1137] Is it at one of the?

[1138] Downtown somewhere.

[1139] Oh, no shit.

[1140] Not on the west side.

[1141] Curious.

[1142] I thought it would have been over at the man's Chinese or something.

[1143] Nothing's at the man's Chinese anymore.

[1144] Sad.

[1145] It is.

[1146] My premiere is going to be at the man's China.

[1147] It is.

[1148] Oh, there we go.

[1149] Oh, my God.

[1150] We're going to do it there.

[1151] Okay, let's talk about Fool's Paradise, which I watched last night and had a Petrillion laughs.

[1152] That's all I wanted.

[1153] I love inside baseball movies.

[1154] It has been inside baseball for sure.

[1155] But you don't have to be in baseball to enjoy it, I think.

[1156] I don't even think you need to make that excuse.

[1157] Think how many inside baseball movies and shows we all love.

[1158] We fucking love Kirby or enthusiasm.

[1159] It doesn't stand.

[1160] Think about succession.

[1161] What do I know about running a baseball?

[1162] ATN network.

[1163] Not much.

[1164] But I'm in.

[1165] This is the succession of comedies.

[1166] It's very much being there.

[1167] That was my sort of intention.

[1168] Sometime in the middle of Sunny, we'd written that Western, and I was like, well, what else would I like to do?

[1169] I said, you know, I love movies like being there.

[1170] They're just never going to make another one.

[1171] I'm never going to see one.

[1172] I'm never going to get a chance to be in a movie like that.

[1173] I'd do my sort of Peter Sellers.

[1174] I said, well, what if I just make it?

[1175] It's an homage to that movie.

[1176] That movie is about Peter Sellers plays a Gardner.

[1177] Chauncey the Gardner.

[1178] Yeah, who becomes Chauncey Gardner.

[1179] And he gets elected to prime minister or something, right?

[1180] They satirize the world of politics by watching this guy as the Mr. Magoo formula.

[1181] Can you have people project onto a man what they want to see?

[1182] It's also Forrest Gump.

[1183] Yeah, you're right.

[1184] Forrest Gump is very much that too.

[1185] Although he's actually performing a series of elite tasks.

[1186] Only because someone dropped him there.

[1187] Yes, but he is still like a world -class ping pong player and like saving a man in Vietnam.

[1188] He's got some skills.

[1189] Like, you know, he's winning football trophies.

[1190] But same idea where it's like someone who doesn't have the mental aptitude to be really understanding the situation they're in.

[1191] Can't be cunning, can't be savvy.

[1192] And people then project onto him integrity.

[1193] Exactly.

[1194] And can you use that as a way to sort of satirize and being there as the world of politics?

[1195] And I thought at the time, why not just set that in Hollywood?

[1196] What more sort of vain egotistical place is there than the world of show business?

[1197] Talk about a industry of just perception versus.

[1198] versus reality.

[1199] I mean, this is it.

[1200] So just feeling like it was the perfect formula for just saying, well, let's kind of use the Mr. Magoo, the Forrest Gump, the being their formula.

[1201] I'm going to be a dick for a second.

[1202] I'm not going to name names, but there have been some folks, too.

[1203] There's a bit of a history with some people sliding through.

[1204] And they, like, end up in an enormous hit movie and you just scratching your head at how it happened.

[1205] And it always comes out in the wash. But, you know, the town has a history of two and three hit wonders where they just ran out of talent.

[1206] On the other side of that, I also found it interesting the way people want to just rip somebody down.

[1207] As quickly as they put someone up there, they say, great, we love this person.

[1208] We idolize them.

[1209] Now let's get them to heck off that.

[1210] Yeah, I want to see them fall.

[1211] And there's a lot of schöndenfrowser.

[1212] What is that the?

[1213] Schadenfreude.

[1214] Schadenfreude.

[1215] Yeah, yeah.

[1216] And even more, essentially, it's just story.

[1217] Once they're at the top, the ride's over for us in the audience, there's only one option story -wise, is that they come down and then we can follow that.

[1218] So it's just like, be careful, Ryan Reynolds.

[1219] Seems like you're on the top of it.

[1220] He's doing great.

[1221] Watch your ass, Ryan.

[1222] He knows how to ride the way.

[1223] He seems like he has his priorities in order even though.

[1224] And that, of course, was something that I wound up.

[1225] Because I think in my first pass of this film, it was more cynical and it was more just that sort of satirical look at things.

[1226] The pandemic kind of slowed things down for me. And then going back into a season of Sunny and I had this version of the movie that felt incomplete.

[1227] And I couldn't really pinpoint point what needed to change.

[1228] I have to tell you, you've embarked on the hardest endeavor possible, truly.

[1229] I can't imagine you recognized it when you started it, but you have a protagonist who doesn't speak.

[1230] Uh -huh.

[1231] That was an issue.

[1232] That's whose story we're following.

[1233] That's right.

[1234] So it's a huge undertaking.

[1235] The double mistake was I had a protagonist who doesn't speak and then doesn't want anything.

[1236] Yes.

[1237] Well, we couldn't have found out what he wanted anyways, unless he had pointed to something dreamily.

[1238] Right.

[1239] But really quick, just to bring people to speak.

[1240] So we meet your character.

[1241] You're in some kind of a hospital and a doctor's explaining that you have some kind of interesting.

[1242] An unknown sort of trauma.

[1243] He has no ability to speak.

[1244] He can hear.

[1245] He's not deaf.

[1246] He's not mute.

[1247] But he can't communicate.

[1248] And he sort of has the facilities of a child.

[1249] The line in the movie is like that or a Labrador retriever, which is that he'll sort of follow people around.

[1250] Yeah.

[1251] But he doesn't really understand the world at all and how it functions and that he's going to have to, you know, have some intense sort of exposure therapy to break through this.

[1252] And it's going to be expensive and difficult.

[1253] And then they ask, so, you know, what are we going to do?

[1254] And we find that, well, the state's not going to pay for any that.

[1255] So we're going to stick his ass on the first bus downtown.

[1256] Yeah, the doctor's like, yeah, well, what would happen is we'd go to this and then behavioral psychology.

[1257] Then we would do this and then we'd do that.

[1258] And then he'd have a connection that would bring him back online.

[1259] And the woman next to him was like, oh, wonderful.

[1260] And he's like, well, none of that's going to happen here.

[1261] He's in a state hospital.

[1262] We're going to turn him out to the streets.

[1263] Stick his ass in the first place downtown.

[1264] Peter McKenzie's great actor who's been on Sonny a bunch.

[1265] But you discover, and I don't know in what iteration of the movie, of course, what he wants is connection.

[1266] And he wants a lifeline and he wants a friendship.

[1267] He wants an anchor, a tether.

[1268] Yes, he just needs one meaningful human connection, which turns out very difficult to find in Hollywood.

[1269] But without Ken Jong and what Ken Jong does in this movie, he's insanely good.

[1270] I think it's the best performance he's ever yet.

[1271] When he makes his emotional turns, they're real.

[1272] They're 100 % real.

[1273] That's what makes it.

[1274] So, I had one scene of emotional stuff in there for Ken, but his character sort of ended midway through the movie.

[1275] I had been showing the movie to this guy, Guillermo del Toro.

[1276] Turns out he's a pretty good filmmaker.

[1277] Oh, wow.

[1278] Yeah, it turns out he's okay.

[1279] I got to write that down.

[1280] I was a good friend to have.

[1281] He was the one who had sort of identified Ken as the heart of the movie.

[1282] During the pandemic, I had done a quick reshoot where Ken had, like, narrated the movie.

[1283] it did not work at all because I wasn't following a story.

[1284] And then I had an offer to sell the movie in its old form.

[1285] And I had called Guillermo and I said, listen, I can sell this movie right now and my finances would like me to.

[1286] Yes.

[1287] But I know it's not working yet.

[1288] It's not what it needs to be.

[1289] And he was the one who was saying, listen, just look back at Ken's character and see if you find some more in there.

[1290] And if you need to reshoot the movie, just do it.

[1291] Wow.

[1292] Hard advice to receive.

[1293] Hard advice.

[1294] Yeah.

[1295] I did 14 Mountain Dew commercials.

[1296] I put all that money into re -shooting the film.

[1297] Wow.

[1298] I wrote 27 pages following Ken's character, and I changed the movie.

[1299] It becomes, you take being there and you smash it together with Broadway Danny Rose, and then suddenly I do have that narrative engine that I needed, which was the emotional drive of Ken who plays this sort of sad sack, Willie Lohman type, Shelley the Machine, Levine Publishist.

[1300] He's presenting himself as a publicist.

[1301] He has no clients.

[1302] He's desperate to get into Hollywood.

[1303] And he's the one He wants to be a star Which is a cute thing And he's letting it slip out a lot He lets it slip out a lot That one day he's going to have his name in lights He's like, wait, how is the publicist?

[1304] I think a lot of publicists Feel like that Yeah, the guy behind the guy Like the guy who makes someone a star And then the lucky moment that happens for him In the film is that my character Once released to the streets It turns out I look exactly like a method actor Who won't come out of his trailer Who's a drunk Who's a drunk Once about a time in Hollywood with the slight vibes.

[1305] Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure.

[1306] So Charlie's playing two people.

[1307] He's playing Sir Billy the Kid.

[1308] He insists on being referred to as Sir Billy the Kid.

[1309] And the producer's like, you got a pick.

[1310] Either you're English.

[1311] Yeah, either you're a Sir or you're Billy the Kid.

[1312] I refuse, I'll do one or the other.

[1313] The inciting incident, and I think it's okay to give away, is that Sir Billy the Kid accidentally kills himself trying to find some truth for a hanging scene.

[1314] Yeah.

[1315] And comedy ensues.

[1316] Yeah, they plug Charlie in.

[1317] Yeah.

[1318] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1319] And off we go.

[1320] So I watch hit and run because I was like, I need to get caught up on Daxi's work too.

[1321] You must be a huge Bert Reynolds fit.

[1322] It's such a Smoky and the Bandit vibe.

[1323] It's 100 % Smoking the Bandit.

[1324] Yeah, yeah.

[1325] He was number one, and that's the number one movie.

[1326] I was thinking this just in terms about what we do.

[1327] So Guillermo invites me out to dinner and there's all these sort of amazing and impressive people there.

[1328] I'm talking to this one director who's been sort of did.

[1329] tipping his toes like into the Star Wars world, but he does all sorts of other things.

[1330] Ryan Johnson.

[1331] Not Ryan Johnson.

[1332] But I realized, oh, my God, he was of the age that when Star Wars came out, it must have been just a sea change in his life.

[1333] Same with you, probably smoking the bandit, maybe me when I first saw being there, to what extent is everyone in Hollywood, you know, doing the movie they grew up on?

[1334] Trying to do and recreate the style of movies.

[1335] Obviously, you watch mine, you're probably feeling a lot of, like, Coen Brothers Eve.

[1336] Yes.

[1337] Straight out of network.

[1338] Yeah.

[1339] And then even Sunny, I feel like we're just trying to do moments and things from things that we love.

[1340] But it's totally okay.

[1341] Yeah.

[1342] Oh, no, you should.

[1343] I mean, how else are you going to...

[1344] It's what art is.

[1345] Every artist was trying to be another artist.

[1346] And it just can't help but go through their own filter.

[1347] Right.

[1348] But we're not trying to all be the same artist.

[1349] Which is why we have the variety.

[1350] Well, we can't be.

[1351] That's what's hilarious.

[1352] It's like, it's okay if we're actually trying to be exactly Michael Jackson.

[1353] We can't do it.

[1354] And in the process, this new thing materializes.

[1355] Yeah.

[1356] And I think people carry some guilt about that.

[1357] But every artist has had that.

[1358] Rick Rubin, he wrote a book on creativity.

[1359] I listen to his book.

[1360] Okay.

[1361] Which is rare because I read and listen to nothing.

[1362] He's talking about like, arts around you, it's what you are opening your eyes to.

[1363] It's outside of you.

[1364] Yeah.

[1365] It becomes second to you.

[1366] Sonny's the same way.

[1367] This movie is the same way where I have an intention to make a thing.

[1368] And of course it winds up being its own thing.

[1369] And then the longer I'm with it, the more I realize, I don't know if I'm making it or it's becoming alive and forcing me to feed it in a way where it's like it's inevitable to happen, good, bad, whatever, it's irrelevant.

[1370] It's going to exist in whatever form it wants to be.

[1371] And I'm trying to steer it into a thing, but it's going to become its own animal.

[1372] That sounds hoity to -to -oity.

[1373] But like there's something to it, right?

[1374] Like this podcast where you're like, we're going to dabble in a thing.

[1375] But then suddenly it just, I don't know.

[1376] It becomes bigger than you.

[1377] Yeah.

[1378] And where's the influence coming from outside yourself, certainly.

[1379] Yeah.

[1380] I remember one thing that was a great relief to me is, like, I sold chips.

[1381] The pitch was the simplest pitch I've ever pitched.

[1382] I said, remember the show Chips?

[1383] How about a movie?

[1384] No. I said, what if we did the lethal weapon version of chips?

[1385] Not a parody, not silly, lots of blood, lots of cool stunts, and the comedy will just exist.

[1386] Like, let's do lethal weapon chips.

[1387] And then, of course, all the lethal weapons were written by Shane Black.

[1388] So then in the process of writing that movie, I start watching them all over again.

[1389] I start reading interviews with Shane Black.

[1390] Well, it turns out Shane Black was specifically trying to make, I don't know what it was, but let's say the conversation.

[1391] There was an exact movie he was trying to make.

[1392] But it came out of him as lethal weapon.

[1393] And then I tried to make lethal weapon.

[1394] It came out of me as chips.

[1395] You watch Boogie Nights, which is an iconic film and yet so goodfellas.

[1396] Totally.

[1397] He's trying to make good fellas.

[1398] Yeah, I know.

[1399] I rewatched Pee We's Big Venture with my son and realized how much of, it's always Sunny in Philadelphia's humor was influenced by that movie.

[1400] Really?

[1401] Yeah, which you wouldn't think of because I thought, in my son.

[1402] mine.

[1403] I was like, oh, it's just like a kid's movie.

[1404] It's not.

[1405] Did your kid like it?

[1406] Because my kids hated it.

[1407] I showed them thinking they're going to love it.

[1408] And they're like, this is the scariest, weirdest movie?

[1409] Is he an adult or a child?

[1410] Yeah.

[1411] That's a good question.

[1412] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1413] I think he liked it, but I do think he had that like, what is this dude's deal?

[1414] It's an eerie movie.

[1415] Yeah.

[1416] It made sense for the 80s, but like, you know, looking back on it, you're like, what is this man's acting like a child?

[1417] Yes.

[1418] You know, something a little like who's going to strange lengths about his bike.

[1419] Yeah, yeah.

[1420] His neighbor is a grown man also.

[1421] Yeah.

[1422] But he's a child.

[1423] His bath is a full swimming pool.

[1424] I don't know what's happening here.

[1425] His friend's even more confusing because the friend's a full grown man too, but he's a child.

[1426] Like his parents spoil him.

[1427] Yeah.

[1428] Yeah, yeah.

[1429] It's very confusing.

[1430] Okay, back to your movie.

[1431] First of all, the cast is pretty ridiculous.

[1432] Baitman's in it.

[1433] Ken Jong's in it.

[1434] Ray Leota's in it.

[1435] Malcovich is in it.

[1436] Adrian Brody's in it a ton.

[1437] He's brought Edie Falcos in it.

[1438] Common's in it.

[1439] Kate Beckinsell is in it nonstop.

[1440] John Bryan fucking scores it.

[1441] This is impossible.

[1442] How about that score?

[1443] How did you get John Brian?

[1444] You just said Boogie Nights.

[1445] Like all your favorite PTA movies are scored by John Brian.

[1446] Yeah, Brunch drunk love and Magnolia.

[1447] Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

[1448] What a good score that is.

[1449] Even his Lady Bird score, which he did recently, which is not as orchestral.

[1450] It's still beautiful and amazing.

[1451] He was so good and so talented that it was the only part of the process that I felt borderline useless, relieved at this point of the process to be useless.

[1452] You know, because it's been such a long journey to every time I went into his studio and he was showing me what he was working on.

[1453] I was really almost brought to tears with just how beautiful it was.

[1454] And just how much sort of love and attention was being given to this thing that I poured in so many years of my life into doing.

[1455] And to have this guy who's such a great artist tie it together.

[1456] Elevate it for you.

[1457] Elevate the shit out of it.

[1458] And sometimes I felt bad where I was like, I need to make a better movie so that it can fit this score.

[1459] This guy is so good.

[1460] And we recorded it with a full orchestra down at the Sony studios where they did the Wizard of Oz and something.

[1461] I even got to like hit a gong in the thing and like go in.

[1462] How special.

[1463] It was really special.

[1464] Yeah.

[1465] How I got him to do it?

[1466] I don't know.

[1467] You know, Leslie Jones, who edited the film, had done Punch Drunk Love.

[1468] I started with Tim Roach, who's always sunny editor and a good friend and a great guy.

[1469] And he couldn't just agree to do the movie for 10 years.

[1470] Indefinitely, yeah.

[1471] So he got sucked into the Marvel universe when I was sort of starting to reinvent the film.

[1472] Luckily, I found Leslie, who had done Punch Drunk Love and the thin red line and, you know, these beautiful movies.

[1473] And it was really helpful for me at a point in time where I was starting to maybe get a little lost.

[1474] You get so lost.

[1475] Yeah, to be able to turn to someone who'd made movies that I really love and to be like, you like Choice A or Choice B. To have someone in my corner there, unlike Sunny, I didn't just have Robin Glenn to lean on or blame.

[1476] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1477] More importantly to blame.

[1478] Yeah, no one to blame but me. So, like, having Leslie through that process, maybe it helped that John knew that she cut the film.

[1479] I think he just really liked the movie.

[1480] Yeah, that's great.

[1481] You know, and I think he liked musically what I wanted to do with the film and that he was going to get to sort of play more than he gets to sometimes with these scores and that I was going to have his back.

[1482] There was no, like, studio saying, you can't get a full orchestra for a film this size.

[1483] I was like, yeah, well, we sure can.

[1484] It's going to be two Mountain Dew commercials, but I'm going to do it.

[1485] Yeah, it's going to be two Mountain Dew commercials, but here it comes.

[1486] Here it comes.

[1487] And you know who wins?

[1488] The fans.

[1489] The fans win.

[1490] Now, does Mary Elizabeth, does it ever come up where she's like, you know, I don't know, we could use that Mountain Dew money for, you know, like a pool or like for dinner, a nice dinner or something?

[1491] No, I sort of said before, you know how much this means to me and how much I want this movie to look and feel a certain way.

[1492] And the only way for me to do it is to fall on the sword of making sure it happens.

[1493] And she was supportive.

[1494] To my financier's credits, they were also splitting with me the costs all the way through to the end.

[1495] I was somehow doing it to alleviate the pressure on them as well.

[1496] Well, once you turned down the offer, you probably felt pretty responsibility.

[1497] He didn't take the movie away from me. And to their credit, these guys at Armory film stuck with me the whole time.

[1498] And my producing partner, John Ricard.

[1499] So like, I had a team of people kind of with me on this whole journey watching me, rise and fall trying to figure this thing out.

[1500] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[1501] Okay, just a couple of things I love because I've been around actors now for 20 years.

[1502] They're at a premiere and you're just walking through and you're not like stopping on any of this stuff but Adrian Brody's character is talking to somebody and they're like, I loved it.

[1503] Yeah, it was so great.

[1504] And he's like, yay, tell me some specifics.

[1505] And I'm like, oh, my God.

[1506] A, have I heard that?

[1507] And B, what it really embarrassingly reminded me of is, like, when you've done something and you're, someone's telling you it's good, and you're like, if they don't mention one of the scenes, I pretty much know they're just being kind and nice.

[1508] Like, if they can't think of a moment.

[1509] If they don't remember a specific moment.

[1510] Yes, yes.

[1511] So, like, just seeing that in the desperation we all have.

[1512] How funny is Moses Storm, who plays the junior agent in the film?

[1513] I love Moses.

[1514] I know him from UCB.

[1515] We came up through UCB together.

[1516] Someone had sent me his stand -up and said, hey, you should be aware of this guy.

[1517] And that was a role that wasn't in the original script, but because of Adi Falco's schedule, I couldn't get her there for this rooftop party sequence that I have.

[1518] And I had a lot of the cast there.

[1519] I knew I needed that scene and I needed to shoot there.

[1520] By the way, I reshot there.

[1521] I got back everyone in those same tuxes and suits.

[1522] Oh, my God.

[1523] The amount of phone calls you made.

[1524] The amount of phone calls I made and, like, on my hands and knees, like, can we please come back?

[1525] Do you steal yourself before these calls like you're at your kitchen table?

[1526] It was tough.

[1527] That does not come natural to me to beg.

[1528] Yeah.

[1529] Or just any friendship I have.

[1530] I didn't mind so much reaching out to friends because maybe rightly, maybe wrongly, I felt as though the material was strong for them.

[1531] Where I was like, if you come in to perform this, there is something meaty for you to sink your teeth into.

[1532] You're going to shine.

[1533] Like John Malkovich, I don't mind sending you the scene because you're going to rip this up.

[1534] And it was quick yes, which really, I think.

[1535] think helps in securing the rest of the cast.

[1536] Because you see Malkovich is in something and you're like, okay, there's a little cloud to it.

[1537] Really quick, are you pals with him?

[1538] I worked with him once on the Louis C .K. movie that got canned.

[1539] Oh, my God.

[1540] And just stayed friends or friendly.

[1541] I mean, we don't lunch together, but I would, you know.

[1542] He lives in a cave somewhere, right?

[1543] Last time I saw him, he's like, oh, I'm off to Paris to judge a fabric competition.

[1544] Of course you are.

[1545] Of course you are.

[1546] All right.

[1547] Well, shout out Moses.

[1548] Yeah, shout out to Moses.

[1549] So Moses, I wound up creating this character of the junior agent, and then I started to fall more in love with the idea of the person because it was going into the theme of desperation in the film of everyone, always sort of like the social climbing aspect of things.

[1550] And he was just a home run for me every time in the original shoot, in the reshoot.

[1551] That's awesome.

[1552] I love to hear that.

[1553] And then Sadecas plays this director you work with, and you're not going to say it, but I'm going to say it.

[1554] And I was sitting there thinking, how many people will know what this is?

[1555] When I go and visit him at his house?

[1556] Yeah.

[1557] Do you know that's...

[1558] I know what it is.

[1559] Oh, that's amazing.

[1560] I have sat in the fucking photo booth.

[1561] Have you?

[1562] Yes.

[1563] So there's a sequence where I go and...

[1564] I need more info.

[1565] I'm going to give it to you.

[1566] But go ahead.

[1567] He's had a hit movie now.

[1568] Yeah, I've had a hit movie.

[1569] So he's the talk of the town.

[1570] Everyone's a meeting with him.

[1571] And then I'm moving up in the world and so I go to visit some sort of hot.

[1572] And you still can't talk.

[1573] I still don't talk.

[1574] He never talks once.

[1575] And nor do people realize that I'm not talking, which is really part of the or the movie.

[1576] It is because everyone talks so much.

[1577] It doesn't even occur to them.

[1578] You haven't said anything.

[1579] You know, those are really interesting challenge as an actor.

[1580] If I was just acting, fine.

[1581] But acting and directing while you're doing that, I would sometimes be in the scene and forget to act because, you know, I'm making sure people say the line I want to say it and making sure that the camera moved where I wanted to move.

[1582] And then I would get halfway through the take.

[1583] I'm like, oh shit, motherfucker, you're in the scene.

[1584] You better, you know.

[1585] Thanks, because you don't have to think about your own lines either.

[1586] Yeah, yeah.

[1587] You better start reacting in the way that the character would.

[1588] So none of those.

[1589] Well, you had a deceptively small amount of work to do.

[1590] Deceptively small.

[1591] So there is a sequence where I get taken to his house, which was loosely based.

[1592] I know exactly who it was.

[1593] It was a certain director -producer who was canceled.

[1594] We can beep that maybe.

[1595] No, he's been canceled.

[1596] Okay.

[1597] I was brought to his house and someone told me to go wait out in the back and the person answered the door with like a shirt wide open.

[1598] You know, and he screamed at his maid and he was holding two of the same exact belt and he sang which one and the maid was so confused.

[1599] Which is real.

[1600] This is real.

[1601] Most of the movie was sort of loosely.

[1602] Yeah, it's a little taste of what archetypes exist.

[1603] Yeah, but that one was real.

[1604] By the way, and I knew it before the photo booth.

[1605] Because I had the experience, went to the house, same thing, whole nine yards.

[1606] Let me own my thing.

[1607] I've directed chips.

[1608] It tested super high.

[1609] It hasn't come out yet.

[1610] People are telling financiers they need to meet me with me. So it's happening.

[1611] I'm you in that scene.

[1612] Go to his house.

[1613] Storyed Hollywood place.

[1614] Have a meeting.

[1615] means great.

[1616] Then we, let's go out to the photo booth.

[1617] I'm like, okay, I don't even know what that means.

[1618] But then you end up going on a little Hollywood memorabilia tour.

[1619] He owns all kinds of bizarre things, like a lightsaber from this and a steering wheel from that, right?

[1620] So when your man in the movie, when Sadecas picks up the sword and tells that story, and then you get in that box and we don't know what's going to happen, but I say to Kristen, this is a photo booth.

[1621] Because Monica, he tells you get in this photo booth by yourself.

[1622] And he takes pictures.

[1623] of you.

[1624] And then after he tells you, oh, and I'm going to be putting out a coffee table book.

[1625] So basically, you've just found out you've agreed to be in someone's coffee table book.

[1626] And he did it to me twice.

[1627] So I had a general meeting with the man. And it went exactly like that.

[1628] And then years later, I think he was a producer on horrible bosses because his production company was like putting the money up.

[1629] He had a whole finance fund.

[1630] Yeah.

[1631] So they were like half co -financing or something.

[1632] And I was at his house.

[1633] And he did the same thing to me all over again with no memory of having done it the first time before.

[1634] This is the craziest punchline.

[1635] I tell the story a lot.

[1636] You're seeing all this Hollywood memorabilia.

[1637] Then you do the photo booth.

[1638] Then he says, do you want to meet Peter Bergdanovich?

[1639] Did you have that part?

[1640] No. So he knocks on a door.

[1641] It's like a laundry room that's been converted to a bedroom.

[1642] Door opens.

[1643] Peter Bagdonovic is sitting there dressed to the nine scarf on.

[1644] He's been sitting on the edge of his bed doing, I don't know what.

[1645] He introduces me to him.

[1646] And I go, he has living memorabilia.

[1647] Like, this is part of the exhibit.

[1648] Yeah, I got him trapped in here.

[1649] He can't leave.

[1650] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1651] He's doing him a favor.

[1652] Like, he was helping him.

[1653] Do a spin, Peter.

[1654] Do a spin, Peter.

[1655] Take off the aska.

[1656] Yeah, very bizarre.

[1657] Apex Hollywood experience, I'll probably never have one weirder.

[1658] Well, so my experience, the first go around, he brings me to his bedroom.

[1659] And he starts changing.

[1660] But it's not at all.

[1661] Not sexual.

[1662] Not sexual.

[1663] Right.

[1664] And he holds up two of the exact same belt.

[1665] There are two little brown belts.

[1666] And he yells for his housekeeper.

[1667] And he's yelling at her.

[1668] Poor woman I don't think really knows what the hell the man's talking about.

[1669] He's yelling which one.

[1670] Yeah.

[1671] Which one?

[1672] And she says, what is?

[1673] I'm not your stylist.

[1674] I want to putting all that in the movie.

[1675] And then he goes, do you want to go to the bank?

[1676] I'm like, no. Yeah.

[1677] No, man. Why the fuck would I want to go to the bank?

[1678] You said no. Yes, I said no. Was it hard to say no?

[1679] No. At that point, I was like, this guy's crazy.

[1680] I don't want to work for them.

[1681] And I'm like, yeah, man, no, I'm good.

[1682] I don't need to go to the bank.

[1683] I'm driving out of his house, and all of a sudden I see down this, like, long driveway, this Bentley rushing up on me, like, doing 80 down like a very tight driveway.

[1684] Exactly.

[1685] Big incline, too.

[1686] I barely make it out of the way.

[1687] It, like, runs me, like, into a hedge and fish tails into Benedict Canyon with two cars going like, er, like, missing it and zips out of there, which I had also put in the film.

[1688] But stunt -wise and budget -wise and timing -wise, I wasn't able to, like, pull that stunt off.

[1689] That's the one chunk that's, like, straight from reality.

[1690] If you go to see the movie in the theaters.

[1691] How about that, too, getting a movie in the theaters again.

[1692] I'm so excited about that.

[1693] Impossible.

[1694] I'm happy just to give people that option.

[1695] Yes, congratulations.

[1696] That's fucking hard to get.

[1697] I had to fight for that.

[1698] That was tough.

[1699] You know, who else fought for that?

[1700] Tom Cruise.

[1701] You know, they were trying to release Top Gun during COVID on their streamer.

[1702] I'm glad he fought for that.

[1703] It gave us something to do.

[1704] No, he's like, absolutely not.

[1705] That movie was held for two years.

[1706] It's so fun to see a funny movie in the theater.

[1707] Last time we saw a funny movie in the theater.

[1708] just happened, but it had been a long, long time.

[1709] Cocaine Bear saw it.

[1710] Okay, great.

[1711] I need to see that too, yeah.

[1712] You got to see it.

[1713] I saw Triangle of Sadness, which I didn't realize was a comedy when I went.

[1714] And then 10 minutes in, we're all kind of chuckling.

[1715] And then like, 15 minutes in we're like, all out laugh, uproarious laughter.

[1716] And then when the rough seas start, people are screaming, right?

[1717] And it was such a good experience.

[1718] The first couple laughs were kind of people looking at each other, like, hey, is it okay?

[1719] Yeah, is it funny?

[1720] Is this funny?

[1721] Can we all laugh together?

[1722] We went through a phase of like, are we allowed to laugh, you know?

[1723] Yeah, but then Mother Nader nature takes over.

[1724] You can only hold it for so long.

[1725] That movie was incredible.

[1726] Brilliant.

[1727] Oh, my God.

[1728] The best movie I've seen in so long.

[1729] Have you seen the square and have you seen Force Majure?

[1730] No. Forgeur, you've seen Force Majure.

[1731] But I saw the English remake of it, right?

[1732] No, no, we saw the real Swedish one.

[1733] Oh, we did?

[1734] Yeah.

[1735] I loved it.

[1736] Did I love it?

[1737] Yeah, you love it.

[1738] Okay.

[1739] Go see all those movies, man. I'm going to now.

[1740] Oslitt, Osloid.

[1741] Don't know how to.

[1742] Cut that, cut that, cut that.

[1743] It's what was as we say on sunny, cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that.

[1744] We say a lot of that here as well.

[1745] When we were interviewing Letterman, he accidentally said that the director of his documentary was Morgan Freeman, and then it just became the best thing ever.

[1746] It was Morgan Neville, who I also just worked with.

[1747] No way.

[1748] He did a documentary about a baseball family, the Vex, Bill Vec, and Michael Vec invented fireworks at baseball games and all these things.

[1749] Oh, really?

[1750] Yeah, and then Michael Vec, his son, he had that fuck disco day at the White Soxie.

[1751] Stadium.

[1752] I don't know if you saw the Bee Gees documentary where they like smash disco records and there was like a riot he's the villain and it sort of really messed his father's legacy up so then he kind of came back and pulled his life back together and did some wonderful things but Morgan called me and said hey you probably don't want to do this do you ever want to do any reenactments in a documentary I said yeah I'm in yes and my ages were like you're doing what I'm reenacting in a documentary yes yes leave me alone Kristen and I, I can't remember what show we were obsessed with, but it had a lot of reenactments.

[1753] And they were absolutely horrendous.

[1754] They're the worst reactants we ever saw.

[1755] And both of us called our agents and we're like, you got to get us on that show.

[1756] We want so bad to do a reenactment on this show.

[1757] And then never materialized.

[1758] Was it fun doing a reenactment?

[1759] Yeah.

[1760] Because it was like zero pressure.

[1761] Yes.

[1762] In fact, you're kind of obligated for it to not be good.

[1763] There's a tone you got to hit.

[1764] It was fun too because the guy, he was a lot like heavier than me. I had, like, some time before I did it.

[1765] I'm like, great, I can just, like, let it go.

[1766] Sure.

[1767] It was good, you know.

[1768] Zero stakes.

[1769] I did take personal offense to you being on Kimmelt saying that being in shape is not funny at all.

[1770] It's not funny.

[1771] It's not funny.

[1772] Tell Ryan Reynolds that.

[1773] He ain't funny.

[1774] He's pretty funny.

[1775] I know.

[1776] He's very funny.

[1777] What about Chappelle?

[1778] What about Eddie Murphy?

[1779] All funnier if they were, like, slightly out of shape.

[1780] Slightly out of shape.

[1781] Do you know in real life I one time ran into Adam Sandler?

[1782] and I had just done this movie with Kristen where I played an underwear model and he had seen it somehow, not the movie, but he'd seen I'd gotten in shape.

[1783] And he'd saying, yeah, it's not funny, buddy.

[1784] Just remember.

[1785] That's not a comedy by damn.

[1786] I'll tell.

[1787] A hoo.

[1788] Gotta eat a lot of food.

[1789] Gotta get that comedy bar.

[1790] That's exactly what he said.

[1791] He said, he said you don't do them fresh.

[1792] Well, just the sandman.

[1793] I love the sand man. Oh, we all love the sandman.

[1794] Okay, so everybody is probably now seeing Super Mario Brothers, but see it again.

[1795] And if you haven't seen it, go see it.

[1796] But most importantly, go see Fool's Paradise in a theater, laugh with your friends, bring a gang, eat some popcorn, spill your Coke everywhere because you're giggling so much, and have a blast.

[1797] Yeah, and watch Ken Jong shine, man. I really had to, like, ask him.

[1798] I'm going to ask you to carry my movie, and I'm going to ask you to really kind of rip your heart out of your chest and be really emotional in a movie that's otherwise pretty broadly comedic.

[1799] If you are ever goofy sad, it's not going to play.

[1800] Yeah, I'd be real sad.

[1801] That's why it works for me. I really long for him.

[1802] And he went for it so hard, man. No, he's so incredible.

[1803] Have you ever hung with him socially?

[1804] No. He was a doctor in real life.

[1805] He lives, like, way up in Calabasas.

[1806] Okay, fuck that.

[1807] It's not a, yeah, then it can't happen.

[1808] Do you hang with anyone socially?

[1809] I don't, I mean, you pop by my house every now and then, which is a tree.

[1810] Yeah, yeah.

[1811] If I'm ride in with the girls on the motorcycle when we pass your house, we're going to knock.

[1812] Please do.

[1813] Back to that, we were saying, an elementary school.

[1814] You're the only person I just, I'll go knock on your door or ring your gate.

[1815] Let's be honest.

[1816] Okay.

[1817] Last question.

[1818] I saw that you had given the commencement speech at your alma mater.

[1819] And they gave you an honorary Ph .D. You're a doctor now?

[1820] I'm Dr. Day.

[1821] But he's the second doctor day.

[1822] His dad was Dr. Day.

[1823] As is my mom, as is my sister.

[1824] Four doctors.

[1825] What?

[1826] When I told my sister that they gave me a doctorate, there was like a long paw.

[1827] I'm sure.

[1828] Yeah, yeah.

[1829] I was like, you know how you like worked really hard to study a lot and learned a lot of things and know a lot of stuff?

[1830] Yeah, they just like gave one to me. Well, I had one too.

[1831] I got really resentful when I read that because I did the UCLA one and I went to UCLA and they did not give me an honorary doctorate degree.

[1832] Well, you know, as much as I love Merrimack College, I don't know that UCLA and Merrimack College are the same.

[1833] They're not in the same conference.

[1834] They're not in the same conference.

[1835] Minimally the same conference.

[1836] Yeah.

[1837] You could probably I'll probably get one from Meramek if you want one.

[1838] Just call them up.

[1839] I'll give them a buzzle.

[1840] I'm going to give them a commencement speech.

[1841] It's a lot easier in four more years of college.

[1842] I'll do it.

[1843] Makes me feel better.

[1844] I haven't used it.

[1845] Nor have I remembered I had until you just now.

[1846] Well, Dr. Day, it's been a pleasure.

[1847] Thank you very much.

[1848] And I have a little something on my inner groin I want you to look at.

[1849] Oh, yeah.

[1850] Sure.

[1851] What's going on?

[1852] Yeah, just now that you're a doctor.

[1853] I just want to make sure that it's just a rash and nothing more.

[1854] Are you drying before you dress?

[1855] I'm always in a hurry.

[1856] Yeah, that's probably where the fungal grows is constantly.

[1857] I kind of want to try that all.

[1858] You just like that.

[1859] You want to tout that up.

[1860] Stay tuned for the facts, so you can hear all the facts that were wrong.

[1861] Charlie Day.

[1862] Ah, Chuck Day.

[1863] Chuck D. Charlie.

[1864] Chuck D. Chuck D. Chuck D. Chuck D. Chuck D. Very famous producer.

[1865] Oh.

[1866] I have a crazy story.

[1867] I cannot wait.

[1868] You teased at it.

[1869] Before an interview we did, three hours.

[1870] hours ago and it's been sitting on it.

[1871] It's been searing a hole in my brain waiting to hear.

[1872] Even though we say sim all the time and the xanthum gum.

[1873] Right.

[1874] We say sim, we say Xanthum gum.

[1875] Yeah, we say ding ding ding ding, yeah.

[1876] We see duck, douging, yeah.

[1877] We say, so you wouldn't want to be you.

[1878] We say been there done that.

[1879] We say too sweet to be forgotten.

[1880] Two plus two.

[1881] But I have never seen this much.

[1882] evidence of a sim in my life can i pause you for once a second have you been talking eric at all today no because he texts me this morning can i read you his text yeah i'm scared i think you should be watch out for sim glitches i am seeing more lately last night it was raining by my barbecue while i was in the dog run no trees overhead don't really understand what he's saying but but the fact that he sent me that i said hmm good to know i'll be on the lookout.

[1883] So maybe he saw it was raining, but he wasn't getting rained on.

[1884] Or it was raining by his barbecue and not by him in the dog run.

[1885] Even though there was no trees.

[1886] So he would have been.

[1887] I'm not sure.

[1888] But mostly just getting one that says watch out for sim glitches.

[1889] That is more sim glitch.

[1890] Yes, because I have two.

[1891] Okay.

[1892] Hit me. Why don't I tell the smaller one?

[1893] Yeah, of course.

[1894] You got to build up.

[1895] Yesterday I was with Jess and Anna.

[1896] Okay.

[1897] And we were talking about food and eating food.

[1898] And I mentioned my bolognese.

[1899] And we were talking about that and pasta shapes.

[1900] And I said, I hate penny.

[1901] Strong statement.

[1902] Yeah, I don't like penny.

[1903] Molly Baws, one of my chefs, she also doesn't like penny.

[1904] Oh, that's great.

[1905] Yeah.

[1906] So I felt validated not liking penny.

[1907] It was this whole conversation.

[1908] And the whole conversation, I ended up giving some Penae away at the end of the night.

[1909] Unloading it.

[1910] Yes.

[1911] Today, Allison.

[1912] Roman.

[1913] Yes.

[1914] Put out a cooking video.

[1915] Uh -oh.

[1916] A pasta salad.

[1917] With Penae?

[1918] No. In it, she says, you can use whatever pasta you want.

[1919] And she shows all these pastas and she said, but I hate Penae.

[1920] Andrew Penae?

[1921] She hates Penae.

[1922] Oh, no, I can't have it.

[1923] She doesn't hate Penae, but she hates Pene.

[1924] Pene.

[1925] Like me. It's a weird word when you say it a lot.

[1926] I know.

[1927] Knowing it's P -E -N -N -E, right?

[1928] Pene.

[1929] Pene.

[1930] Like, it's spelled differently.

[1931] It sounds valley girl.

[1932] Yeah.

[1933] Anyway, the next, today, that's crazy.

[1934] That is.

[1935] You just made a big stand about it.

[1936] I know.

[1937] Pen -A.

[1938] Pene.

[1939] Doesn't that sound insane?

[1940] Pen -A.

[1941] Anyway, that's crazy.

[1942] Now, the real, I don't know if this will translate to the audience as much, but it will to you.

[1943] Okay.

[1944] So I am about to start my house, as we mentioned last time.

[1945] And obviously this has been a three -year -long process, but the past eight months have been slowed down by an individual.

[1946] Mm -hmm.

[1947] A neighbor.

[1948] And I won't say any names.

[1949] Right.

[1950] Penne.

[1951] Yeah, we'll call him penny.

[1952] Anyway, he has been the bane of my existence for the past eight months.

[1953] We can say that.

[1954] Yep.

[1955] Preventing you from starting your project forever.

[1956] In a hostile way.

[1957] Yeah, a bullying way.

[1958] Leverage and trying to add for context that I have had to be talked out of upwards of 20 times in the last eight months from knocking on his door and either knocking him out or telling him you're a fucking bully and I see you and knock it up.

[1959] So I've been there.

[1960] I was going to park my trailer in front of his driveway.

[1961] I mean, I've had all these, and I've been talked off every time.

[1962] Yes.

[1963] Yeah.

[1964] Kristen doesn't want you to mix it up, and neither do I. So this has been ongoing.

[1965] Everyone in this room knows this person, knows the stories.

[1966] It's been a nightmare.

[1967] But we got around this person.

[1968] Yeah.

[1969] And we...

[1970] The good guys won.

[1971] That's right.

[1972] And it was a whole thing.

[1973] Had to go to the city.

[1974] Whole thing.

[1975] The whole thing.

[1976] And finally, we got what we needed.

[1977] I'm starting tomorrow.

[1978] This is so exciting, right?

[1979] Yesterday, I'm driving home from here, and I'm pulling into my apartment.

[1980] Uh -huh.

[1981] And guess who's standing in my driveway of my apartment?

[1982] No. Yes.

[1983] What?

[1984] Pene pasta.

[1985] A few miles away.

[1986] Miles away.

[1987] Yes.

[1988] And let me ask.

[1989] your apartment is not on the way to anywhere.

[1990] Nope.

[1991] It's not next to a parking lot of another population.

[1992] It's not like you can't accidentally end up there.

[1993] No. And he was talking to some people working.

[1994] I was on the phone and I thought maybe I was like sort of hallucinating.

[1995] Mm -hmm.

[1996] I was like something what?

[1997] That can't be.

[1998] And also my, I'm not in the headspace to understand what's going on.

[1999] So I drive in.

[2000] I park.

[2001] It's like you're watching a Western and all.

[2002] of a sudden the cowboy pulls out a cell phone.

[2003] Yeah, it makes no...

[2004] Right.

[2005] So then I go into my house.

[2006] I walk the other way because I don't even know.

[2007] I'm like, I can't...

[2008] You don't even want to know what he's doing there?

[2009] I can't handle it at the moment.

[2010] And I don't even know if it's...

[2011] I was like, it can't be him.

[2012] It has to be someone who just, like, looks like him or something.

[2013] So I go into my house and then, or my apartment, an hour later, I'm walking out.

[2014] And he's there.

[2015] Still?

[2016] Uh -huh.

[2017] And he says, Do you live here?

[2018] Oh, my God.

[2019] He said, I knew it was you.

[2020] Do you live here?

[2021] And I said, yeah, I live there.

[2022] Yeah.

[2023] And he said, oh, I own this building.

[2024] No. Not mine.

[2025] But right next, the apartment building next door, he owns.

[2026] No. Oh, my gosh.

[2027] Isn't that absolutely absurd.

[2028] Of all the apartment buildings in Los Angeles.

[2029] The one to the east or the west?

[2030] West.

[2031] Oh, my Lord.

[2032] I, like, I could not comprehend.

[2033] Can you believe that?

[2034] Wow.

[2035] And then he was just hanging there.

[2036] The workers were doing something on that building, and he was micromanaging that.

[2037] Like, I could not.

[2038] You have all the buildings in all of Los Angeles.

[2039] Well, it had been, look, it's.

[2040] stop one stop shy of what would be insanity as if he owned yours.

[2041] But.

[2042] Because then he might evict you.

[2043] I know.

[2044] But in some ways, it's, it's crazier because he's always my neighbor.

[2045] Oh, right.

[2046] Like he's always been my neighbor and now he's my neighbor again.

[2047] Yeah, no matter where he was probably your neighbor in Georgia.

[2048] Yes.

[2049] Oh, my gosh.

[2050] And he was probably living with Sean Penn's daughter.

[2051] Yes.

[2052] When she was your neighbor.

[2053] He was Sean Penn at that time.

[2054] Yeah.

[2055] Yeah.

[2056] I kind of, kind of.

[2057] Sean Pente.

[2058] If you can imagine a super weak Sean Pann.

[2059] Yeah.

[2060] But of course he was like, so you got your permit.

[2061] Oh, he knows.

[2062] I emailed him yesterday morning.

[2063] That's the other thing.

[2064] I haven't talked to him in months.

[2065] In months.

[2066] And yesterday morning, I emailed him to tell him.

[2067] I just said, hey, I'm just giving you a friendly heads up.

[2068] We got what we needed.

[2069] We're starting construction on Wednesday.

[2070] That's it.

[2071] I haven't talked to him in months and I send that.

[2072] And then I see him.

[2073] Unreal.

[2074] I mean, No, this Sim is so crazy.

[2075] It's hitting hard right now.

[2076] Hard.

[2077] Yeah, Sim's hitting Horde.

[2078] Drop it like it's horrid.

[2079] Horde.

[2080] Had to call Bill immediate.

[2081] He could not.

[2082] He was like, what?

[2083] Like, he just could not wrap his head around it.

[2084] Understandably, either can I. I love that you called Bill.

[2085] Beautiful Bill.

[2086] Beautiful Bill.

[2087] So that was a big story.

[2088] That's an enormous one.

[2089] Yeah.

[2090] Yeah, wow.

[2091] That left the Seinfeld genre.

[2092] right and got more like scary movie sci -fi sci -fi sim yeah suck dog goose black mirror black mirror big time black mirror yeah yeah yeah that was black mirror yeah i like your black mirror stories too i don't know which one i like more signfield or black mirror they're both great thank you both variety i like that i have options you do yeah you're not painted into a corner in any way whatsoever yeah because i don't want A .I. To know how to be me. Right.

[2093] No one does.

[2094] I need to throw them off.

[2095] A lot of curve balls.

[2096] A lot of curvy's.

[2097] So, Sim is real.

[2098] Sometimes I like believing in it.

[2099] You know, we joke, but I mean, yesterday, I, it's real.

[2100] You were certain of it.

[2101] It's real.

[2102] It is real.

[2103] That's that.

[2104] Today I'm a little, even though the Penae did reinforce, I'm, I backed off a little.

[2105] And Eric's text.

[2106] Yeah, that's...

[2107] Keep your eyes peeled for sim glitches.

[2108] I have to call him after the or like text him.

[2109] I don't know if I've had any.

[2110] Really?

[2111] Yeah, sim glitches?

[2112] I'm too distracted to observe.

[2113] Yeah.

[2114] Well, it's nice to believe in it because when things are not happy or good, you can just be like, oh, it's just not even real.

[2115] Yeah, it's part of the little struggle.

[2116] Is that good or bad?

[2117] It's part of the little struggle it gives me so that I feel the reward of overcoming it.

[2118] Say that again, sorry.

[2119] What do you mean?

[2120] It's part of the, the, the Sim can't let you be happy all the time.

[2121] You would short circuit.

[2122] So you just know, oh, there's one of these little hurdles.

[2123] It's just added in.

[2124] So for Charlie and I, like when we went to the Miami Grand Prix, the Sim was so on point.

[2125] Right.

[2126] As I told you, it rained on me in the middle of nowhere.

[2127] I almost didn't make my flight.

[2128] We were terrible and didn't get any interviews.

[2129] We gave up.

[2130] And then we got the two best interviews.

[2131] And we're like, God, the Sim scripted that perfectly.

[2132] Like, we were at the verge of giving up.

[2133] We just barely brought our equipment the second day.

[2134] And the Sim knew the whole time.

[2135] Yeah, so it's kind of like, oh, yeah, this is just written in, but it'll be done soon.

[2136] It's not a story if there's no hurdles.

[2137] Like, you're going to be sitting in your beautiful backyard of your beautiful house that is bigger than mine.

[2138] And you're going to.

[2139] You have to add that in.

[2140] Like, I don't.

[2141] I feel, okay.

[2142] I want people to know.

[2143] I know, but it makes me feel, and this, I guess, is my insecurity.

[2144] Yeah, tell me what it makes you feel like.

[2145] I feel when you say that you're saying I've, like, cheated the system somehow.

[2146] Oh, really?

[2147] Kind of.

[2148] I don't know.

[2149] Yeah, this is what's wrong with us.

[2150] That's me being proud of you.

[2151] That's literally just me being proud of you.

[2152] Yeah.

[2153] I meant he was a babysitter seven years ago, and now you're building a house that's bigger than mine across the street from me. That is, like, such a source of pride for you.

[2154] Well, that's nice.

[2155] That's what it is.

[2156] I'll take that.

[2157] I can hear that.

[2158] Yeah.

[2159] That's what it is.

[2160] That's what when I hear it, I hear somehow like.

[2161] No, I don't, obviously, I'm a cheerleader and I'm not threatened by you.

[2162] I'm first one in, ground floor.

[2163] Yeah.

[2164] Well, maybe like second or third.

[2165] Okay.

[2166] Well, I have to get my parents first ones in.

[2167] They were first ones in.

[2168] Yeah, yeah.

[2169] Well, I was first one out.

[2170] Yes.

[2171] Of my mom's pussy.

[2172] Oh, my God.

[2173] Made me think of that photo.

[2174] I knew you were going to think that.

[2175] How could I know?

[2176] She's kind of splayed.

[2177] She is being kind of sexy.

[2178] I don't know if she knows.

[2179] I know she doesn't.

[2180] And that's what was cool.

[2181] Yeah.

[2182] I thought that too.

[2183] She looks salty and hot.

[2184] She looks sultry and hot.

[2185] And I know her, so I know she's not thinking that at all.

[2186] She can't help it.

[2187] Yeah.

[2188] It's just in her.

[2189] That made me sad because she didn't get to do.

[2190] She didn't get to use it.

[2191] I know.

[2192] That's why I always propose these weekends with her, but you always hate those.

[2193] I do.

[2194] because I hear that.

[2195] This is all an episode about what I hear.

[2196] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2197] What do you hear when I say that?

[2198] And maybe because I do feel so connected to her or I, you know, we're similar in a lot of ways.

[2199] That it feels like when you say you want to go back in time and play around with her.

[2200] Yeah, yeah.

[2201] Roll around.

[2202] I don't know.

[2203] Dance, prance.

[2204] To me, like you, you're like, oh, yeah, she didn't get to, she didn't get to do that.

[2205] So I want to, like, give her the platinum package.

[2206] I want to do her a favor.

[2207] That's not a favor, though.

[2208] Okay.

[2209] That's the thing.

[2210] Well, I agree that I don't think it would be.

[2211] The only person that enjoys receiving the platinum package more is the person giving the platinum package.

[2212] I think she might have a secret platinum package.

[2213] I can't wait to find out.

[2214] I think she might.

[2215] Well, that picture tells me. I know.

[2216] Yes.

[2217] Yeah, she's a hellcat.

[2218] It's one thing.

[2219] She is a hell cat.

[2220] But she's not.

[2221] But she is.

[2222] She can't even hide it.

[2223] She is.

[2224] I'm going to call her.

[2225] No. I have her phone number.

[2226] Oh, God.

[2227] I think she is.

[2228] Can I have a sexual conversation with you?

[2229] I wish she had got to explore that part of her.

[2230] Yeah.

[2231] Who would she have been if she had done that?

[2232] I don't know.

[2233] Although we don't know.

[2234] Maybe she and your dad had a real kinky phase.

[2235] Maybe.

[2236] Maybe they went every which way, you know, we don't know.

[2237] I don't want to.

[2238] Surprise.

[2239] I don't want to think about it.

[2240] She was such a good girl, though.

[2241] See, you have the, you have the luxury of not thinking about it, but my father was, and my mother both overly open with me. I know that they both thought the other was a tremendous lover.

[2242] That's nice.

[2243] Sure, but, you know, I mean, no, like your dad's a great fuck more than, you know.

[2244] She didn't say those words, but.

[2245] And so she did.

[2246] and he was very complimentary too.

[2247] That's interesting because I, do you feel like that's maybe gendered?

[2248] Maybe she knows that if you hear that, you will have some pride in him or something?

[2249] It's not that.

[2250] It's not.

[2251] It's just she can't not be honest about it.

[2252] Sure.

[2253] Like your dad was tremendous in bed, you know, like she can't, it has nothing to do with me. It's like, these are the facts.

[2254] right your dad brought it home yeah pretty cool I don't know it's just weird because I know what my dad's penis looks like so it's like yeah and you know what your mom's vagina I do not and I will die before I ever find out I know I think about that like you know I cared for my dad I wiped his butt I know.

[2255] And shit.

[2256] Yeah.

[2257] That was an accident.

[2258] I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't have to hire.

[2259] I'm gonna have to.

[2260] Carly can do it.

[2261] Yeah, Carly's got to.

[2262] She's got to.

[2263] Yeah.

[2264] You know, but my mom's wiping her dad's butt right now and penis.

[2265] And penis.

[2266] Washing it.

[2267] Oh my God.

[2268] I know.

[2269] Sterilizing it.

[2270] But I think at that point, I mean, it depends on the state of your mom.

[2271] Like my grandpa's just a baby now.

[2272] Yeah.

[2273] And she can really.

[2274] she really can compartmentalize that.

[2275] Yeah.

[2276] She might be stronger than me. I don't want to...

[2277] She's strong, as we know from the picture.

[2278] Why don't we show your mom some of the chocolates?

[2279] And then she can say which one she identifies with the most.

[2280] No, no, no, no, no, no. Anyway, were you going to say something else?

[2281] Yeah, I shouldn't.

[2282] Anytime my mom has a yeast infection, she tells me. I'm constantly hearing about her vaginal health.

[2283] And, like, she says it smells and stuff?

[2284] No, just like, oh, yeah, I eat that.

[2285] I can't eat that.

[2286] You know, I get a yeast infection right away, you know, or I was dealing with the yeast, and I'm like, I don't know.

[2287] You don't want to hear it.

[2288] No, I don't want to know she has a yeast infection at all, at all.

[2289] Okay, I mean, that's not life -threatening.

[2290] It's not life -threatening.

[2291] Right, but it's like if she said I have a cut on my finger.

[2292] Like, that's how she's thinking about it.

[2293] But for me, I don't like that.

[2294] I don't like it.

[2295] No. I can deal with it like I deal with it.

[2296] I don't ever embarrass her and say, Mom, I don't want, I mean, now I'm on here, but thank God she doesn't listen.

[2297] So whatever.

[2298] I don't know.

[2299] You tell me. You'd obviously, we've already covered this.

[2300] You'd much rather wipe your mom's butt than your dad's.

[2301] Of course.

[2302] But I will say, you're looking forward to clean his penis?

[2303] No. No, I agree.

[2304] That's going to be my brother's -ish.

[2305] But also, I really, also really don't want to do that to my mom.

[2306] Yeah.

[2307] at all.

[2308] Well, nor did I want to do it to my dad.

[2309] I mean, I know.

[2310] Because by the way, I'm not suggesting we hop in the shower because he smelled great.

[2311] I know.

[2312] I'm not suggesting it out of the blue.

[2313] Yeah, he poo -poohed.

[2314] Well, just he just been in the bed for fucking ever.

[2315] Yeah.

[2316] Cheese?

[2317] Was there cheese?

[2318] I don't want to talk about it anymore.

[2319] Okay, we don't have to talk about it, but...

[2320] A big bowl of panay in his pants.

[2321] Oh, God.

[2322] I will wipe a choke.

[2323] Okay.

[2324] I would.

[2325] I would.

[2326] I would wipe your dad's butt if he was alive.

[2327] You couldn't.

[2328] You couldn't have wiped my dad's butt.

[2329] Because he would have...

[2330] He would have gotten erect.

[2331] For sure.

[2332] I wouldn't put you in that position because it would turn sexual.

[2333] Well, for him, but it wouldn't be sexual for me. I know.

[2334] But what if?

[2335] He wouldn't have been, he wouldn't have, like, been aroused.

[2336] No, he wouldn't have then forced me to do anything.

[2337] He wasn't a predator.

[2338] No, he wasn't a predator, but whatever one step before.

[2339] No. He would have been, you know, maybe aroused.

[2340] That's fine.

[2341] He's an old man. It's okay.

[2342] Thank God that's what the nurses felt.

[2343] Anyway.

[2344] Anyhow.

[2345] All right.

[2346] So.

[2347] Was this episode littered with factual claims?

[2348] No. Not really.

[2349] But, okay, what's the height requirement at theme parks?

[2350] Can I guess?

[2351] Sure.

[2352] I probably already guessed in the episode.

[2353] I think you did it.

[2354] Yeah.

[2355] I want to say, I think there's two.

[2356] There's 42 and 48.

[2357] 48's common.

[2358] Okay.

[2359] And then some are 36.

[2360] Oh, three feet tall is all you got to be.

[2361] I mean, depending on the ride.

[2362] Right.

[2363] And sometimes it's 36 with a chaperone.

[2364] So if your child starts flying out of...

[2365] You can grab.

[2366] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2367] But 48 seems to be general.

[2368] You know, I almost fell out of a...

[2369] I don't know what story that would have been, like 38 -floor window in New York when I was a kid.

[2370] You may know this story.

[2371] We got kicked out of the Milford Plaza Hotel as a family.

[2372] Okay.

[2373] Because they put all the boys in one room and they put my mom and stepdad and two sisters in another hotel room.

[2374] And those three boys were in one.

[2375] And it started very innocent.

[2376] It was paper airplanes out the window, tearing pages out of the phone book, sailing them out.

[2377] And then it escalated.

[2378] And then it was wet globs of toilet paper, which when they would land, they would get like eight feet wide.

[2379] It was irresistible.

[2380] And I was in the middle of pitching something out this window leaning over.

[2381] And I had that moment you have when you realize you're free falling.

[2382] And I like my breath stopped and then all of a sudden I got jerked back in the window from my brother.

[2383] My brother saw me starting to fall out the window and grabbed and pulled me back in.

[2384] I'll never forget.

[2385] I can see it so fucking clearly and I was only 10 years old, 11 years old.

[2386] Knock at the door the next morning.

[2387] We did it all the first day.

[2388] Woke up in the morning.

[2389] Want to throw a couple more things out?

[2390] Sure.

[2391] Why not?

[2392] I mean, really, I say this, obviously.

[2393] This was insane.

[2394] We were so young we didn't know.

[2395] But someone could have died, and that's terrible.

[2396] Knock at the door, open it up, hotel security, holding a coat hanger and an empty shampoo bottle.

[2397] What?

[2398] Yeah.

[2399] Those were items that we had thrown out.

[2400] Oh, a coat egg.

[2401] Wooden one.

[2402] We were hucking them to the side away from the street.

[2403] Yeah.

[2404] In between these buildings and they would just sail forever.

[2405] that's yikes but nothing happened okay so you know there's an uplifting so i'm sorry everybody in the world that i was a part of that and sorry milford plaza hotel we might have been on day three of what was a three -week family vacation with eight of us in a van driving from motorcycle race to motorcycle race and we had got thrown out of the hotel yeah you can't imagine the vibe for the next few days.

[2406] It was insane.

[2407] Okay.

[2408] Cut two.

[2409] I'm probably 24 years old, 25.

[2410] I go to New York and this is going to be the first car show that I'm running.

[2411] So my mom's not running it.

[2412] My brother's not.

[2413] I'm in charge.

[2414] 25.

[2415] Big deal.

[2416] Three week car show driving from New York to Berkshers to Martha's Vineyard, then back, then back, then back, then back, then back, then back, then back, then back.

[2417] Walking down the street up early in the morning to go to the parking garage and in front of me there's like an explosion okay like what the fuck and then i look and i realize oh my god that's toilet paper oh about three feet in front me and then behind me turn around and the two big splatters i look up and i'm like going through every floor every floor and then i see two little kids up on like the 13th floor Right by the museum, right out of the Central Park.

[2418] Well, probably not the 13th floor.

[2419] That's true, although it was, but probably labeled the 14th.

[2420] Yeah.

[2421] And I look up, I see these kids, and I just go, yes.

[2422] Oh, that's nice.

[2423] I was just remembering how fun it was watching that toilet paper splatter.

[2424] But could it have killed you?

[2425] Not toilet paper.

[2426] Okay.

[2427] We threw some bad things out.

[2428] Oh, God.

[2429] It was like 85, 1985.

[2430] Oh, wow.

[2431] Well, you got lucky.

[2432] You live in the sim, so it's fine.

[2433] Yep.

[2434] It's fucking, that hotel's on time square.

[2435] The Milford Plaza.

[2436] Oh, it is.

[2437] Like, it couldn't be busier down on the street level.

[2438] Oh, I thought it was Milford, Michigan.

[2439] No, New York City.

[2440] Oh, I was so confused.

[2441] I was like, why were you guys at a hotel in Milford?

[2442] Right on the 38th floor.

[2443] Oh, it was in New York.

[2444] I don't think there was 160 -story building in my small town, right?

[2445] Yeah, everyone knows that.

[2446] Oh, that, whoa.

[2447] Okay, wow, you got so lucky.

[2448] So lucky.

[2449] And additionally, we were thrown out of this hotel in New York City.

[2450] Yeah.

[2451] Oopsie.

[2452] My stepdad was not a happy camper.

[2453] That was which one.

[2454] Rick.

[2455] Rick.

[2456] Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick.

[2457] Hey, Rick.

[2458] Remember Amy Poller's character?

[2459] Oh, yeah.

[2460] Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick.

[2461] Okay.

[2462] Okay.

[2463] So you brought up Shaq's girlfriend and just a reminder, his ex -girlfriend.

[2464] That breaks my heart.

[2465] I know.

[2466] But tough shit.

[2467] Yeah.

[2468] They're not together.

[2469] Okay.

[2470] The shortest baseball player to ever live is Eddie Gaydell, Guy Del. And he was 3 -7.

[2471] Was it for the White Sox?

[2472] Is it Kamiski?

[2473] Monica.

[2474] No one is 3 -7.

[2475] That's three seven.

[2476] He was three seven and it was Chicago.

[2477] Ding ding, ding he would not make it on any of the rides.

[2478] Shortest player.

[2479] It is.

[2480] It is a ding ding.

[2481] He's not four feet tall.

[2482] You're right.

[2483] Kamiski was known.

[2484] He brought him on the team, let him bat, and it was like four straight balls because his strike zone was so small.

[2485] He was probably one inches.

[2486] What happened?

[2487] Double header.

[2488] I know.

[2489] I obviously don't know how to talk baseball.

[2490] He was 3 -7 and he's weighed 60 pounds.

[2491] Oh, guys, this can't be real.

[2492] He made a single plate appearance and he was walked with four consecutive balls.

[2493] And then a pinch runner was put in for him.

[2494] So he gave him the uniform number one -eighth.

[2495] Oh, my gosh.

[2496] That's sad.

[2497] They shouldn't have done that.

[2498] What year was this?

[2499] 1951.

[2500] That seemed to do reason.

[2501] Yeah, it's not that long ago.

[2502] I could stomach this in the 20s, but.

[2503] Okay, then Willie Keeler, he was 5 -5.

[2504] That's the next, and there's a few other 5 -5s.

[2505] Yeah, 5 -5 is fine.

[2506] That's what they say about 5 -5.

[2507] 5 -5 is fine.

[2508] The tallest baseball player was Luke Van Mill.

[2509] Oh, darn, I was going to guess, and I would have been wrong.

[2510] Okay, what were you going to say?

[2511] I would have thought Randy Johnson was the tallest.

[2512] He was 6 -10, Randy Johnson.

[2513] but Luke, or it's L -O -E -K, L -O -E -K, O' -O -E -K, oh.

[2514] Yeah, he was 7 -1.

[2515] L -E -E -K?

[2516] Mm -hmm, Loweck.

[2517] Who'd he play for, the Giants?

[2518] Um, he played, he played for, oh, Dutch.

[2519] Are we counting it?

[2520] I'm not.

[2521] It's professional.

[2522] Well, yeah.

[2523] Well, in that probably he made a salary.

[2524] He played for the Caracow Neptunos.

[2525] Neptunus I love the Neptunos Okay There is a really tall guy That the Giants have right now Oh really That David and I When we went to the game Saw him pitch He's 611 611 Wait is it Sean He's number two What was Randy Johnson 3?

[2526] 610 Yeah he was He's like third But this guy's 611 Sean What a guy He's 26 Oh my gosh Yeah we saw him in person When we went to record up there And he was a giant Astronomical probably I can't ramp my head around this.

[2527] This might also be SIM.

[2528] Oh, a glitch?

[2529] Yeah, more like that thing I saw on the internet and I forwarded it to you.

[2530] And it said proof of the SIM was that a bus is the same width as your car.

[2531] And in your car, there's just two seats in front and you're touching shoulders.

[2532] And on a bus, somehow, I know, it doesn't make any sense.

[2533] There's two sets of two seats and there's a walkway.

[2534] Yeah.

[2535] Those two things can't be true.

[2536] That's part of the same.

[2537] But we do accept it as true.

[2538] We walk in there in space time changes.

[2539] But maybe I'm wrong.

[2540] And maybe this is because I'm tall.

[2541] But there's something bizarre about how exponential height is after 6 '4.

[2542] You know, if you imagine what someone's 6 inches taller than you looks like, that's everyone.

[2543] We wouldn't even think of the height difference between you two.

[2544] But someone's 6 inches taller than me is 6 .8 and that's all you would be able to see.

[2545] I don't understand that part of it.

[2546] There's this tons of variation that we don't even bat an eye at.

[2547] But once you get in that range for some reason.

[2548] Because it's so few people.

[2549] That's why.

[2550] Yeah.

[2551] But it's, but it is metrically the same.

[2552] Mm -hmm.

[2553] So it's just, I think it is just percentiles.

[2554] Like that person is in the 99 .9.

[2555] True that.

[2556] But I was more wondering if when you're staring up, well, we know this, right?

[2557] When you draw a building, you draw the top skinnier than the bottom because it's getting skinnier as it goes up.

[2558] And so there are optical illusions that are at play.

[2559] And I just don't know if somehow at some point that starts looking like they're nine feet tall.

[2560] Well, everyone knows if you're past six four, your body does that.

[2561] It turns into a point at the top.

[2562] Your head is a point.

[2563] Your heads of points.

[2564] It's the vanishing point.

[2565] Everyone knows that.

[2566] I don't even need to talk about that because everyone knows.

[2567] That's a fact everyone knows.

[2568] It's like you are a triangle.

[2569] Common knowledge.

[2570] Uncommon.

[2571] That's how uncommon.

[2572] That's Rob's joke.

[2573] How uncommon.

[2574] Okay.

[2575] Well, obviously we talk about McElhaney and Ryan Reynolds.

[2576] And our jealousy.

[2577] Right.

[2578] And since we recorded this, Rexum won the league.

[2579] Oh, no shit.

[2580] Yeah.

[2581] Wow.

[2582] And is now moved up.

[2583] up to a different...

[2584] Another tier?

[2585] Yes, exactly, another tier.

[2586] Oh, wow.

[2587] Yeah, of course.

[2588] Ryan Reynolds touches yet another thing.

[2589] I know, and Rob.

[2590] And it turns to fucking gold.

[2591] Yes.

[2592] And they had the sweetest, like when it all happened, they both posted videos of the moment when...

[2593] The winning goal or whatever.

[2594] Yeah, and it was so sweet.

[2595] They were both so overwhelmed.

[2596] Yeah.

[2597] Well, that makes sense because Caitlin had posted a picture.

[2598] They were all there.

[2599] I think.

[2600] Yeah.

[2601] Yeah.

[2602] Really cute.

[2603] Okay.

[2604] So he said if you've seen Jurassic Park 15 times, how many years of your life?

[2605] And you said 30 hours.

[2606] And the movie is two hours and seven minutes.

[2607] So do you want to try again?

[2608] How many times are you going to see it?

[2609] 15.

[2610] 15.

[2611] Two hours and seven?

[2612] Okay.

[2613] So 70 and 95.

[2614] I don't know.

[2615] 31 hours, 45 minutes.

[2616] Yeah, I got to 95 and I'm like, oh, I got to do 60.

[2617] Yeah.

[2618] I used a calculator.

[2619] Okay.

[2620] You did a great job.

[2621] Thank you.

[2622] I presume that's correct.

[2623] It's modern technology.

[2624] Oh, okay.

[2625] You said that Providence is the third gangster city.

[2626] So then I looked up gangster stuff, which was pretty interesting.

[2627] Welcome to my interest of the last 30 years.

[2628] Yeah, it's interesting.

[2629] So the mafia is currently most active in the northeastern United States with the heaviest activity in New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, New Jersey, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, in New England in areas such as Boston, Providence, and Hartford.

[2630] There is a cool mafia organization chart from the FBI.

[2631] Mm -hmm.

[2632] And it has...

[2633] Easter egg.

[2634] Yeah, exactly.

[2635] Yeah.

[2636] And that Easter egg is connected to another Easter egg that is from an intro from a couple episodes ago.

[2637] I forget what it was, but I left an Easter egg and it's the same Easter egg.

[2638] Same one.

[2639] Okay, so New York's five families.

[2640] Oh, can I try some?

[2641] Yeah.

[2642] The Genovese family?

[2643] The Gambino family?

[2644] The Gravano?

[2645] No. No. Sammy the Bull Garvey.

[2646] No, he's not, that's not a family.

[2647] Oh.

[2648] What's going on?

[2649] That hit me, hit me, I'm.

[2650] Bonano.

[2651] That doesn't sound right at all.

[2652] Bonobo chim.

[2653] It's B -O -N -N -A -N -O.

[2654] Bonano.

[2655] Yeah, that sounds right.

[2656] Columbo.

[2657] Oh, what a show.

[2658] And Luceze?

[2659] That's the one I knew that I couldn't think of.

[2660] Luchese.

[2661] Those are the five main Italian.

[2662] New York, five family.

[2663] There was a Giordano in St. Louis that maybe you were thinking of.

[2664] The Chocolate Mafia?

[2665] Oh.

[2666] I love that.

[2667] Chocolate Mafia is the Gerardelli's.

[2668] Well, Hershey's is.

[2669] Versus the Hershey's versus the Godiva's.

[2670] Versus the M &M.

[2671] No, that's.

[2672] Mars.

[2673] Mars, I mean.

[2674] Oh, Mars.

[2675] Mars is like, do you know that the Mars family is like the wealthiest family in the world?

[2676] What?

[2677] I know.

[2678] I just learned this and I can barely believe it.

[2679] From Mars bars?

[2680] That's right.

[2681] Who even eats Mars bars?

[2682] So many of your favorite candy bars are owned by the Mars company.

[2683] Kit Kack.

[2684] Snickers, I think.

[2685] I'd have Eminem maybe.

[2686] We'd have to look up Mars.

[2687] No, Eminem I thought was Hershey's.

[2688] Well, he's from Detroit.

[2689] Eminem.

[2690] They're worth $24 billion each, three of them.

[2691] Three of the kids are worth $24 billion each.

[2692] Oh, my God.

[2693] Tell me what the candy bars are It's under the Mars umbrella Yeah We should do a partnership with Mars Yeah, they could sponsor us Yeah, and I could build a house As big as yours All right, so we got Three Musketeers I do love that Five gum, I think Five gum Altoids Ridgley's double mint Combos Wrigley's Big Red They're into the gum industry Dove chocolate.

[2694] Dove.

[2695] Eclipse, hubba, juicy fruit, kind bar.

[2696] Oh, what, shit.

[2697] Lifesavers, M &M's.

[2698] Oh, you were right about M &M's, not Hershey's, I was wrong.

[2699] Malky Way.

[2700] Skittles, Snickers, Snickers, Twitters, Twitters, twiddlers get, whoa, whoa, oh, my God.

[2701] They just read the whole candy rack.

[2702] Oh, my God, oh, my God, okay.

[2703] Why did you decide to blast through all the big ones?

[2704] That was a curious rollout of all that.

[2705] It's like a couple that in the year of.

[2706] First you said five gum, which no one.

[2707] You're like wobble, wobble.

[2708] I was going way too slow, and then I saw this list was really long.

[2709] Will you read the last five that you ripped through?

[2710] That was crazy.

[2711] Skittles, Snickers, Starburst, Twix, orbit.

[2712] Oh, my God.

[2713] Those are the biggest ones for sure.

[2714] I mean, this is everything.

[2715] How do they own all of this?

[2716] They slowly accumulated all of them.

[2717] That's amazing because no one even likes Mars bars.

[2718] That's the hack.

[2719] Exactly.

[2720] They're smart.

[2721] That's how you stay low profile.

[2722] You name the whole company after.

[2723] the least successful offering.

[2724] I don't really know what that would possibly do, but it worked.

[2725] It works hard.

[2726] Hort, just like the Sibb.

[2727] That means they probably own Wrigley Field then in Chicago.

[2728] Oh, my God.

[2729] Of course they do.

[2730] But they don't own Kit Kat.

[2731] Nope.

[2732] Get a piece of that.

[2733] Kikat bar.

[2734] Nestle owns KitKat.

[2735] Let's add that to the mafia.

[2736] That's a good one.

[2737] That's, um, chocolate mafia.

[2738] Also, ding, ding, ding.

[2739] Shania Twain's husband is the president of Nestle.

[2740] Her current husband?

[2741] Yeah.

[2742] I guess she's got a sweet tooth.

[2743] Oh, God.

[2744] So I guess she's in the chocolate mafia family.

[2745] Yeah, I'm sure she's plotting to kill different.

[2746] Godiva.

[2747] Other syndicates.

[2748] Wow.

[2749] The Mars sisters.

[2750] Veronica Mars.

[2751] Oh, my God.

[2752] Sim, glitch.

[2753] Be careful.

[2754] Keep your eyes peeled.

[2755] Training on my barbecue.

[2756] Okay.

[2757] The Triangle of Sadness Director's name pronunciation.

[2758] The following pronunciation is brought to you by Pronouncernames .com.

[2759] Ospland.

[2760] Wow.

[2761] We had to sit through an ad for that.

[2762] Well, people got to make money.

[2763] I know, but I don't think the advertisement can be longer than the product.

[2764] As a rule of thumb.

[2765] We try to, you know, we keep our ads.

[2766] Ideally, they're one percent of the experience.

[2767] Yeah, there are probably more than that.

[2768] 120 minutes, six minutes of ads.

[2769] I have no idea how to do that.

[2770] Six divided by 120.

[2771] Okay.

[2772] You want to do modern technology?

[2773] Although it feels like I shouldn't be allowed.

[2774] Six divided by 120.

[2775] 0 .05.

[2776] 0 .5.

[2777] 0 .05.

[2778] Point of 5 .5 what?

[2779] That means 5 % of the listening experience is ads.

[2780] Okay.

[2781] For us, for our show.

[2782] Right.

[2783] But for Jajourn or whatever they said.

[2784] Ossland.

[2785] Ossland.

[2786] It was like a 3 to 1 ratio.

[2787] It was 300%.

[2788] Yeah.

[2789] That's right.

[2790] So 5 % versus 300%.

[2791] Okay.

[2792] That's all.

[2793] I guess you could have hung out and listened to it over and over again.

[2794] Again, I don't know why the gap was so enormous.

[2795] It was going to say it at a couple.

[2796] couple times.

[2797] I just stopped it.

[2798] I know, but the gap was so long.

[2799] Well, it wanted us to no, I think it was smart because they say it and then they want you to repeat.

[2800] Oh, okay, rinse and repeat.

[2801] You want me to play it again?

[2802] If you can do it without that ad.

[2803] Ausland.

[2804] Osland.

[2805] Yeah, that's how you say it.

[2806] Ruben Osland.

[2807] I need to check out his other movies.

[2808] Everyone says they're just as good.

[2809] I know.

[2810] Um, that's all.

[2811] That's everything for Chuck D. Correct.

[2812] The one and only.

[2813] Correct.

[2814] Charlie Day.

[2815] Oh, Green Day.

[2816] People don't know that.

[2817] Little known fact.

[2818] Love you.

[2819] Love you.

[2820] Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[2821] You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

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