#1531 - Miley Cyrus

[0] Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

[1] The Joe Rogan Experience.

[2] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[3] Hello, Miley Cyrus.

[4] How are you?

[5] I'm good, pleasure to meet you.

[6] You also, I'm happy to be here.

[7] I'm happy to have you here.

[8] You have a fantastic voice, not just a singing voice, but you're talking voice.

[9] It's very unusual.

[10] It makes you step back a little bit.

[11] Oh.

[12] I've actually, recently I was walking around in Boston, and I went to a museum, and this, like, older man walked up to me. He had no idea who I was.

[13] He was just enjoying the art also in the museum and started talking me forever about my voice.

[14] And then there was a college, some sort of trip to the museum, and then everybody started freaking out.

[15] And it was so cool just to have someone stop me about my speaking voice because that had never happened to me before.

[16] I think because I was turned around and I have the mullet, so I could have been, you know, anybody.

[17] I could have been anyone from Tennessee.

[18] It's a heavy voice.

[19] It's a heavy voice.

[20] You didn't always have a heavy voice, though.

[21] Like when my kids, love Hannah Montana, by the way.

[22] So when I would watch, your voice was different.

[23] It's definitely changed.

[24] I actually, I kind of learned a lot about the voice and how our experiences affect our voice.

[25] I had a surgery in November on my voice.

[26] I had something called Rakey's edema, which when my doctor told me about it, he said, no one shy ever has this.

[27] This is for abuse of the voice.

[28] This is for people that talk way too fucking much.

[29] And usually this happens when you're like in your 60s or 70s.

[30] How do I not have that?

[31] I don't know.

[32] I don't know.

[33] Mine, I think honestly, really I started touring, you know, at probably 12 or 13.

[34] And not only was I, the adrenaline that you have after a show, it's not really the singing that affects your voice as much.

[35] It's afterwards you're totally on.

[36] And then it's really hard to get that sleep.

[37] You stay up, talking all night, later they're talking all night, turned into smoking all night.

[38] And now this is kind of where we're at.

[39] we got some dirt on her you know she the voice can be like like a face it collects wrinkles and and it tells a story if you look at yourself and you go oh I didn't have this until these this trip you know I sat out in the sun or I partied too much or whatever your voice says the same thing it collects dirt it's very distinctive yeah yes it gives me away I mean I'm pretty much one of the only chicks in L .A. with a mullet so that gives me away also well you're not in the right neighborhood there's plenty of them I know I gotta dry out to the to the desert I guess yeah that's right Yeah, yeah, go out to Joshua Tree Find the chicks that are tripping Exactly Yeah, with handmade tattoos Like I had a couple of those too But there's something very distinctive About a voice you earned You know It's true, it's kind of like You know, when you see somebody And I think especially being like a female In the industry, I think growing up And changing and like kind of that There is such a kind of stigma with aging It's a very kind of scary thing As a female in the industry And I thought about it a lot and thought about my voice.

[40] I actually had someone when I was doing an interview a couple months ago said, you know, she sounds like she stayed up all night smoking too many darts.

[41] And I said, well, I fucking have.

[42] And that's just the truth.

[43] And if, you know, that was anyone else, you know, it's kind of like you're weathered or your age or you've been through it.

[44] And, you know, we'll talk about it as we go.

[45] But over the last year, I noticed a really big change in my voice, kind of a heaviness to it.

[46] And I experienced some heavy things.

[47] And so I feel like it is a reflection.

[48] it is kind of a scar in a sense but also just by having the surgery was kind of a gift also because I was able to understand my instrument no one ever explained that to me you know I sat in a room with the piano and did scales and shit but no one taught me about how do you have longevity you know you are in here with athletes all the time and recovery days are the most important days I didn't get recovery days that was not important for someone that was making so much capital for such a big corporation you know off days are days that money's not coming in and I definitely probably didn't get the training that I needed to say, hey, you know what, I don't want to do this till I'm 15.

[49] I want to do this till I'm 80.

[50] And that wasn't always considered.

[51] Definitely not complaining.

[52] It gave me an amazing launch pad for everything I'm doing now.

[53] But I hear it.

[54] But it had to be really odd to be working that much and be a young girl.

[55] The balance it trained me to have is something that I don't think you are going to get taught any other way besides jumping in the deep end of the pool and hoping you know how to swim.

[56] That's the only way.

[57] There was no way I could have prepared for the amount of balance I would have to learn to kind of teeter because, you know, at one point, again, it went from it was school, then it went from, you know, how much we can I actually smoke and still play a teenage superstar on the Disney Channel?

[58] And then like, and then like, what's the answer to that question.

[59] More than you would fucking think.

[60] I remember one time when and I don't smoke anymore and I'm sober.

[61] How long have you been sober for?

[62] But I've been sober since pretty much the vocal surgery kind of did it for me. Because I just learned so much about the effects which again you're just not taught.

[63] It's not really the drinking.

[64] It's staying up all night.

[65] You know, once you have your drink, you end up smoking.

[66] And I kind of I have a I've become the face of a lot of things.

[67] kind of against my will, I guess, from my opinions, when you're someone in my position, your opinion becomes your identity.

[68] And it also becomes kind of almost like, you kind of become this like preacher.

[69] You become this, you know, they don't really let you just always have your own opinion.

[70] So I've decided to start telling people, I live my own lifestyle.

[71] Alcohol was never my problem.

[72] There was other things that I end up, you know, I like to go up.

[73] So I now just avoid really drinking because I like to wake up at 110%.

[74] But it's never really been my problem.

[75] And I could see myself having a drink of celebration in the future.

[76] But I get so fucking hungover now that I'm like, why would I celebrate with like just feeling like a volcanoes erupted in my brain?

[77] So it's really just a personal preference, but it's definitely not anything that I promote in.

[78] I think it's a lifestyle.

[79] I think everyone should experiment.

[80] It's a good time and you learn a lot of things about yourself.

[81] and the people around you, but now I'm watching, I have younger siblings, and they're going through that, and I don't know how my mom did it with me because it's scary.

[82] Yeah, I don't think, I think if we're going to acknowledge the fact that all these things exist, cocaine exists, pills exist, marijuana exists, we should teach people how to do it right.

[83] Yeah.

[84] I mean, you're leaving children.

[85] It's the same thing with sex, right?

[86] Yeah.

[87] We leave children to their, the information that they're going to get is from other kids.

[88] Yeah.

[89] And if you're learning about sex from another.

[90] 14 year old or you're learning about coke from a 14 year old that's not good yeah like someone we play this game with children where we try to pretend that you know they live in a movie all right well listen to this is actually funny you bring this up because I had the idea this week not that I really have time to do this in the near future but I would like to at some point in my life I want to do my own children's book series of realistic children's stories because I don't like the idea that we teach them that this is sunshine world and everyone walks out a rainbow and everyone's equal and you need to say like that's not what are you going to do about it?

[91] That's not true.

[92] What are you going to do about it?

[93] And I think there's a way to not terrify children of life even though I go in and out of periods where I think life is really overwhelmingly terrifying and that's coming from my position and my position I tell myself all the time if you're not enjoying this life honey you've got it coming in the next one because I better fucking love this life.

[94] It's the best one I couldn't imagine being in a different body and having different experience.

[95] It's an awesome life if you do it the right way it's an awesome life and I also I didn't hurt myself beyond repair in my experiences I survived and I don't even mean heart still beating survival I mean I have a lot of people that love me around I didn't kick all the people that had my best interest at heart out that's the that's where you die is you kick everyone that says hey are you okay you know out no of course I'm okay you don't trust me get the fuck out And so now that I have people that I've had in my life, I feel that I have people in my life that I've known for 15, 20 years, and not many people in my position get to say that.

[96] My parents are awesome.

[97] My dad's loopy as hell, but I love him so much.

[98] He has no way of ever hearing this because my dad doesn't have Wi -Fi or anything but a blackberry so I can tell you what I got him for his birthday.

[99] My dad has two blackberries, which eagle and a phone.

[100] Which is not true, but that's what he says.

[101] So for his birthday, he said that he wanted, to see if he could go 365 days without eating pizza because he had never done it before.

[102] So my dad has now gone a year without having pizza and my dad loves bubble baths.

[103] He's going to kill me for saying this, but his country ass loves bubble baths.

[104] That's hilarious.

[105] And so he loves to smoke his joint, eat his pizza and get a bubble baths.

[106] So he said, that's what I'm going to do for my birthday.

[107] So for his birthday, I've organized a five foot pizza to be delivered to his farm so he can have all he can eat.

[108] And I'm the pizza delivery person on the box.

[109] I had someone draw it where it's me with my tongue out and a mullet delivering the pizza and I got a bathtub on Craigslist and I put it my dad has 500 acres so I put it in the middle of the farm filled with bubble gum just like my music video and so my dad's going to have a bubble gum bathtub and a five foot pizza for his birthday that's adorable that's next week that I like the fact that he has no Wi -Fi and no internet no Wi -Fi no internet every now and then he'll drive to my uncle's house to FaceTime us every now and then oh wow yeah well he's to make a drive to FaceTime it's not far all of us are just like my dad's kept us a pebbles throw away for sure.

[110] We all live on property.

[111] We all live really close to each other.

[112] So if you did this thing, like if you really decided to do children's books, like realistic children's books, like how would you do that?

[113] Would you get a ghost author and sort of come up with the ideas of what you were trying to get across to kids?

[114] What would you wish somebody told you?

[115] I like that you mentioned that no one talks to us about drugs.

[116] I know this is going to be controversial to introduce drugs to kids.

[117] I think that there's a way, and I'd have to think about it.

[118] Wayne Coyne, who's a good friend of and I did the Dead Pets record with him.

[119] Flaming Lips have been my favorite band since I was in fifth grade and he's obviously an amazing artist and he just had his first child.

[120] Year and a half years old, he's 60, he just had a baby, they're coming to visit me right now.

[121] And I would have him do all the illustrations so it stays in that kind of surrealist world because I think that's what would get the kids to want to read this book is that the illustrations are still surreal.

[122] And I like that about children's books.

[123] But I do think that we do need to talk about you know equality and I do think there needs to be diversity in children's books and I think also we just need to talk about the fact I was actually happy to talk to you today because I didn't get to do therapy today because I would be with you but it's kind of the same thing and I was talking to him and I said you know sometimes it scares me that I'm too tough and I feel like I'm not jaded and I'm not cold but I feel too tough and he goes well I'm proud of that because life is tough and it's not to get hard what do you mean by that what do you mean by you feel like that you're too tough I'm gonna stop I feel that I feel that I worry sometimes that I can get over things easily.

[124] I don't fall to the floor and crawl up in a ball the way that I used to.

[125] And I think that's a part of me growing up.

[126] Like when, you know, I recently just went through a very public divorce that fucking sucked.

[127] What really sucked about it wasn't the fact that me and someone that I loved realized that we don't love each other the way that we used to anymore.

[128] That's okay.

[129] I can accept that.

[130] I can't accept the villainizing and the, uh, just all those stories that like it's just amazing to me that the public kind of thinks that there's no gap of time that they didn't see that could possibly be what led to this like it's not one day you were happy on the carpet and the next day you were making out with your friend in Italy what the fuck well there was a lot of time in between that that you didn't see it didn't go I didn't like I didn't you know yeah but you can't rely on someone else's narrative right no especially someone who doesn't know you you really shouldn't even read What's crazy is my dad, again, you know, my dad's been a real figure in my life.

[131] And my dad, when he got his Grammy nomination, he wore a, he went to the Grammys in a John 316 shirt.

[132] And he didn't get the Grammy.

[133] And the next day, the New York Post, if someone put, even God can't save Billy Ray Cyrus in his career.

[134] And he was sitting next to Johnny Cash.

[135] They were going to something.

[136] I have a Johnny Cash tattoo that was handwritten to my dad from around that time.

[137] And he said, what the hell?

[138] just like you say to me right now, you're my Johnny Cash.

[139] You know, he said, what the hell are you doing, reading that?

[140] And my dad said, I just never really picked up the paper again.

[141] But again, my dad didn't buy that paper.

[142] It was just kind of in your face.

[143] He should have thought that was funny.

[144] He does now.

[145] Now he just says, well, whatever will get Johnny Cash to come and sit next to me and talk to me. Now he loves it.

[146] And it's been really good to have him go before me, you know.

[147] It's kind of that buddy system.

[148] I think it'd be really scary if I wouldn't have been able to see that.

[149] to your point of, I don't click on this shit, you know, it comes into my life by, if I walk by a magazine stand, which I like to walk on the street, and it says, like, Miley's on drugs and pregnant, and then I think one of those things are true, but not the other.

[150] Fuck you for lying about me. Yeah, but that's all they have.

[151] I mean, when someone's in the public eye and someone's as prominent as you are, you become a way for them to access money.

[152] Right.

[153] That's all you are.

[154] clickbait advertisement and i totally get it it's that unprogramming of also i think what's interesting sitting here with you is that all of this is kind of new um i mean even just like the idea of podcast what i used to do when it was like promo time for a record okay so i'm 12 years old and i'm printing physical copies of my album so i have to write my fucking music you know six months before you actually so i did the dolly's new album for Christmas.

[155] And I had to record a Christmas song in July.

[156] It was the weirdest thing I've ever done in my life.

[157] But when you make physical copies, that's what you do.

[158] And you're telling a story from always being behind, especially when it comes to the media.

[159] So now what I love about this, what I love doing, you know, a show like yours is like, we talk about it right now and people hear it right now.

[160] So you're getting the real information.

[161] You're not getting information from, you know, I shot a magazine cover.

[162] I did an interview.

[163] I was La La Lawn Love with my boyfriend.

[164] I mean, that literally happened when I did Vanity Fair.

[165] I flew there like a week after I had gotten married.

[166] By the time the damn thing was on the stands, I was divorced.

[167] It was old news.

[168] It was like, come on, you know.

[169] You're really not able to tell your story in real time.

[170] And that's what I love about the new way that music is happening and streaming.

[171] And I love the idea that, like, I threw up that Flaming Lips record I did on SoundCloud.

[172] And it was like, you know, no one had to buy it.

[173] Or I sound 105.

[174] But it's very exciting because I really hated always being behind myself.

[175] And I think that's what now I can use my art as my kind of, I guess, the way that I can talk to the press isn't what bothers me. It's kind of the public, you know, and I got in this habit where when people would meet me, I guess I didn't get in a habit, it just became a thing that happened constantly, was I'd meet someone and they go, man, you're not as crazy as I thought you'd be.

[176] And I'm like, thank you.

[177] I don't know what you thought I'd be doing right now.

[178] if you thought I'd be in like, you know, space buns, dropping acid or something, but people say that to me all the time that I'm not as crazy as they thought I would be, and that's just a weird thing to say to someone.

[179] Yeah, but the public image, like what they sold of you.

[180] You know, here you are, Hannah Montana, and then all of a sudden you're this very sexual singer and you're doing all this crazy stuff and you're on television, shaking your ass, and everybody's seeing that.

[181] And they're like, oh, Miley Cyrus is out of control now.

[182] She's why?

[183] So then that becomes the narrative, right?

[184] It's funny when people make the narrative of when you become in control that now you're out of it.

[185] That was always really interesting.

[186] Well, it's also youth, right?

[187] Like, think about the marriage thing, right?

[188] You say, Vanity Fair, they write the article, you're deeply in love.

[189] By the time it comes out, you're already divorced.

[190] Right.

[191] That's so Hollywood.

[192] I mean, to them, that's like, oh, we've seen this fucking story before.

[193] Yeah.

[194] We know where this going.

[195] Also, you're a child star.

[196] Yeah.

[197] Oh, shit.

[198] We've seen this story before.

[199] And so you get stuck in that narrative, too, right?

[200] Because they want you to fall down the exact same past.

[201] They don't want you to reinvent yourself.

[202] It's a familiar path, yes.

[203] Well, then they'll spell it out for you.

[204] This is what she's doing.

[205] She's on drugs and she's pregnant.

[206] I've had to, now I don't read those types of things, but I've had to unlearn that they're not true.

[207] Because sometimes I write things down when I want something to get put into my head.

[208] Even if I'm going to have a hard conversation with somebody, usually I kind of write a little miniscript for myself.

[209] So I kind of know where I don't like going into something with no direction.

[210] Where do I want this to go?

[211] what are my goals?

[212] What do I want?

[213] That's what any of your athletes would do.

[214] It's like I know that I have that as an artist.

[215] I want to have a long career.

[216] I have to do the things to be able to have that longevity.

[217] And so I would write down, you know, kind of a kind of an idea of where I'd want conversations to go, even with the people in my life and what do I want out of them.

[218] And I had to stop going, hey, just because they wrote that down, it's true.

[219] Because something about writing it down gives a lot of power.

[220] I don't like to write down.

[221] things that I don't mean.

[222] That's why I don't write songs that I hate because once you write it down, they are like alive.

[223] So what you're saying is that like reading things that other people wrote about you made you think that those things were real.

[224] So it fucked with your own personal narrative.

[225] Yes.

[226] Sometimes I'd be trying to prove something that I didn't need to prove.

[227] Like all of a sudden I'd be trying to prove that I'm not crazy when I knew I wasn't crazy in me. And yeah, I just think also, I mean, when we're talking about realistic children's books, I think the stigma that kind of surrounds, you know, youth growing up, rebelling and then craziness.

[228] And then what's the line between that and mental illness?

[229] And, you know, I do have some kind of genetic family history of alcohol.

[230] I mean, that totally gets a race when you're a celebrity.

[231] It's like, Hollywood did this to you.

[232] It's like, no, dude, my great grandma was an alcoholic.

[233] You know, my granddad was an alcoholic.

[234] My grandma was an alcoholic.

[235] You know, so I, I obviously had, it wasn't Hollywood.

[236] But, you know, it's genetic.

[237] I think for you, I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with writing a book and writing a realistic children's book.

[238] But I think you could do a lot of good but just making little YouTube videos.

[239] Just you make little YouTube videos just talking and explaining, hey, this is what I did and this is where I fucked up.

[240] And this is why you shouldn't do it this way.

[241] These are the drugs you've got to be really careful about.

[242] These are drugs that are really dangerous.

[243] And look, if you want to have like one drink, you want to have one drink, like just have one drink.

[244] fucking drink if you can if you can yeah if you want to if you want to smoke weed take a hit yeah like don't get crazy yeah like figure this out like you can have a good experience on marijuana or you could fuck up your life and have a schizophrenic breakdown and that's one thing that i felt like you know when i was smoking weed like my mom all the weed that i don't smoke she takes care of both my parents so i have nothing against weed my whole family's a bunch of stoners i i just felt like when you're talking about kind of some of the the episodes that they can kind of bring on you know i maybe have a little some of those kind of tendencies already um and that's that's something that people who love marijuana don't like to talk about no pretty adamant about discussing that yeah i i know people that have lost their fucking mind me too particularly on edibles yeah i know some people that literally became schizophrenic and i really like looking at i like looking at facts like that and i don't know you know i do think that there are i like i like information.

[245] I'm a real, I love to process new information.

[246] I love to receive new information.

[247] I love to go.

[248] How do you get your information?

[249] Are you a person who reads?

[250] Do you watch documentaries?

[251] I read and I kind of, I was going on a, I was going on a trip when I was maybe 17 years old and I was walking through the airport and I saw a book that said, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by Dr. Daniel Amon, who's now been my therapist for 10 years.

[252] And I couldn't get on this plane.

[253] I was having a full anxiety attack was smoking a lot of weed.

[254] I was taking a lot of shrooms.

[255] I was 17.

[256] 17 is smoking a lot of weed and taking a lot of shrooms.

[257] And I started getting a little, yeah.

[258] I started getting a little cray -cray, you know, sometimes doing some things with, you know, causing some fights with my boyfriend that were unnecessary.

[259] They got heightened.

[260] I remember one time I wrecked my car into my gate and I said, this is all your fault.

[261] I was the one driving the damn car and how is this your fault?

[262] I did not have a great idea of reality at that time.

[263] So I was going to, I was leaving the country for the first time without my family.

[264] I was going to Costa Rica and I was walking through the airport and I saw this book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.

[265] I'm like, I want to change my life.

[266] I don't like where this is going and my brain is actually, I don't like who I'm living with.

[267] The person upstairs is like annoying the hell out of me. So I got this book and it got me to get onto the plane.

[268] Now, I had a few anxious breakdowns on that when you go to places like going in the middle of jungle, you take all those little planes and all of a sudden you're on a four -wheeler going to wherever you're going.

[269] Every now and then I'd have to stop because I would get so lightheaded and stabbing chest pains and all this and he said drop weed first of all get rid of the weed get rid of the psychedelics and I also cut gluten from my diet from a little bit of a time so I could get an idea of like what's my body on a natural level and I started doing you know kind of blood work and I did some spec scans which he specializes in so like actually looking at my brain because what I really like about the spec scan is you know you wouldn't tell me I have a broken arm without freaking looking at it I could tell you out it hurts blah blah blah but like what is the spec scan so a spec scan um we might have to look up exactly what it stands for because i don't i don't remember this but basically it's kind of like an x -ray and it kind of shows you almost like in those thermal type colors of the activity of your brain there we go single photon emission computed tomography yeah so i have one of these nuclear medicine study that evaluates blood flow and activity in the brain so that's my doctor aiming clinics that's that's his uh website right there and so i have a couple of these um how's your brain look you know what he says this isn't right surprisingly good for the abuse that it's had I guess I sort of my throat it's the amount of time and well it's all okay so the amount of activity if we're looking at like female and male brains I mean they're totally lit up in different spots you know actually I think he's even worked with some some athletes of yours he works a lot of like with football players because he says you know like I'm almost like a football player for the life that I lead I got to do everything else right if you're going to go and live under this amount of stress which is pretty abnormal It's like you're getting hit in the head and abnormal amount of times Then I got to do everything else right So I got to be pretty diligent about my supplements I got to really care about the food that I eat My mom always says like You guys are overthinking it I've eaten Cheetos every single day It's true for the rest of my life And I'm like yeah but you're not like a you know You're not a superstar that has to go on stage And do two hour shows You know my heart really needs to be in good condition I need to be in good condition I can't by the way my mom has crazy panic attack So like I can't have any of that My mom has had me slant like had them slam the brakes on an airplane to take off and made me drive home from Canada to Tennessee.

[270] I drove from Tennessee to Canada nine times because of her anxiety.

[271] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[272] I've driven from Nashville to California like four times because of her anxiety.

[273] So I don't listen to my mom.

[274] Exactly.

[275] My grandma was on a popcorn diet where she took a trash bag to the movie theater and filled it up with popcorn.

[276] And she's like, don't I look good?

[277] I'm like, on the outside, it's fine.

[278] On the inside, I'm worried.

[279] Meanwhile, she's going to outlive all of us.

[280] So sometimes I'll worry about that.

[281] But I think I am kind of like an athlete in the way like if I'm going to be doing this kind of abnormal type lifestyle, then I have to do everything else right.

[282] So my spec scan looks pretty good.

[283] But I like looking at my brain and knowing, okay, so this isn't looking at me and going, there's just something wrong with me and I don't know why.

[284] I had a head injury when I was, you know, two years old.

[285] What happened?

[286] It's bad.

[287] My dad had me, this is really bad, but he can't go to jail.

[288] I don't think because it's long enough.

[289] Time away.

[290] He had me in a baby backpack and I was on a dirt bike with my dad.

[291] And he was riding and a tree had fallen and he ducked and I didn't and I hit my head on the tree.

[292] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[293] So that's what's wrong.

[294] Everyone's asked me that for years.

[295] You know, that's a common theme with wild people.

[296] Do you know that?

[297] Yes.

[298] Sam Kinnison got hit by a car when he was like a little kid and his brother Bill said it completely changed his life.

[299] We have just different standards.

[300] Same thing with Roseanne Barr.

[301] She got hit by a car when she was 15.

[302] Before that.

[303] She was like mild -mannered, really good at math.

[304] After she could get hit by a car, she had to spend nine months at a mental institution, couldn't count anymore.

[305] And she became this wild lady who everybody knows as Roseanne.

[306] Right.

[307] I mean, maybe I'm thankful for it.

[308] Maybe it, like, I don't know, knocked me into this identity or something.

[309] I think there's something to, I'm not kidding.

[310] He knows that there's something to that.

[311] Dr. Amon, we've talked about this a lot.

[312] So when I get really overwhelmed, I also have a tendency that if I know something stupid, I just got to try it, to know that it's stupid, which is.

[313] makes it stupid because I already knew about it.

[314] Sometimes I'm like, is it better to know it's dumb and do it or to not know what's dumb and do it?

[315] But don't you think part of that?

[316] That's the head injury.

[317] Well, maybe, but also it's the final loam of your breaks, you know.

[318] But just the way you developed as a human being, being that famous at, you know, 12 years old doing stadiums.

[319] But I do like, I like looking at my brain and going, okay, listen, like someone cut my brakes, right, on my brain.

[320] And I have to take all the things, Omega, I've been, was vegan for a very long time and I've had to introduce fish and Omega's to my life because my brain wasn't functioning properly.

[321] Don't tell that to the vegans.

[322] They'll come for you.

[323] They're going to come for me, but that's okay.

[324] I'm used to people coming for me, and it's going to be that I calm out.

[325] No, listen, if I give home, I have 22 animals on my farm in Nashville.

[326] I've got 22 in my house in Calabasas.

[327] Like, I'm doing what I need to do for the animals.

[328] Okay.

[329] But when it comes to my brain, you're not vegan.

[330] No. You can't be vegan and living this kind of being this quick.

[331] sure you can some people can I cannot because it was really giving I was having a lot of your brain I feel that I'm much Now I'm so much sharper than I was And I think that I was at one point Pretty malnutrition Like I remember going to Glass and Berry And that was a show that I loved I loved my performance But I was running on empty Like I was on Can I ask you Were you doing a vegan diet like meticulous You ever know But you're doing intelligent I did all my supplements the right way.

[332] I do all my protein drinks.

[333] I've watched every bodybuilder's YouTube about how they still train.

[334] That's what I'm saying.

[335] All of a sudden, I'm like, all I eat a celery and like, why are my thighs, like, fucking huge.

[336] Those vegan bodybuilder guys, they're almost all on steroids.

[337] It's, it's fake.

[338] I'm not on steroids.

[339] Well, they, I mean, and they're, you know, they're different bodies, too.

[340] Some people, I have good friends that are vegan, and they're fine on it.

[341] My friend John Joseph, he's been to vegan for, like, third.

[342] 30 years.

[343] That's why I think Nate Diaz, I was stoked, was a vegetarian, vegetarian.

[344] At one point, or a pescatarian.

[345] That seems that what I like to do.

[346] That's where I'm at.

[347] There's a lot of people that function really well with that.

[348] But some people, it's everybody's different.

[349] You know, we all have different ancestors and our ancestors come from different parts of the world.

[350] And, you know, I don't know if the blood type thing is accurate, but some people really believe that.

[351] So this is another thing that I like about seeing the brain is I try to eat from my brain type and not my blood type.

[352] necessarily my brain type so my brain type I really need breaks on my brain because I did I did not have that where I in my new song it says I can't bite the devil on my tongue that was like a really hard thing for me to learn how to do but instead of going I'm just totally impulsive and the most reactive person ever I look and go well but my dad also slammed my head into a tree when I was too so you know it's a maybe as a dad that's hard to hear that scares a shit out of me I've given him a word for worst dad ever at one but every time I go I go, you know, if we're on Hollywood and there's the best dad award, I scratch out best and put worse.

[353] But he was also the best because he would allow me to do a lot of other crazy things that were awesome.

[354] Well, you're fine.

[355] Yeah, I'm fine.

[356] My dad let me still chickens from the Malibu barn, that little red barn when you come down to Panga.

[357] My dad, they were going to feed these chickens to the snakes.

[358] And they let us back there.

[359] And my dad was like, listen, I'm Billy Ray Cyrus.

[360] I'm going to totally distract him.

[361] You shove as many chickens into the back of the Corvette as you can while I'm signing an autographs and we're going to get the hell out.

[362] out of here.

[363] So I did.

[364] I went and me and my brother got all these damn chickens and we shoved him in the back of his car and he was gonna.

[365] Snakes went hungry though.

[366] He was about to go work for David Lynch.

[367] Well he was gonna audition for him for Mulholland Drive and my dad brought the chickens in the Corvette and he said if you're gonna have chickens in the Corvette like you're playing the pool guy.

[368] You know that's a pool guy thing to do.

[369] So my dad got the job but so because he got the job he had to stay in LA and we had to go back to Tennessee so he told me and my mom to tell the people on the airplane that they were exotic Himalayan cockatoos and we did and they let them on the plane and we had them in the purse and they lived in a bath tub and like on Hollywood and Highland in some hotel for a long time and then we got home and the night we got there our dogs got in the chicken coop made them all so they died anyway but that's the kind of dad my dad is he sets you up for failure and for disappointment but I like that about him because he made me tough well I mean it's hard to keep dogs out of chicken coop so I had a dog got into chicken coop too I had a lot of chickens at one point in time And then after the last fire out here, my chicken coop, my house stayed okay, but my chicken coop burnt to the ground.

[370] Damn.

[371] And then we had to put them in a smaller chicken coop and the coyotes got them.

[372] That's the thing.

[373] That's the thing.

[374] You can't blame Dad for nature.

[375] That's the way that it is.

[376] No, you can't.

[377] Dogs will eat chickens.

[378] Yeah, they will.

[379] Give them a chance.

[380] So we'll snakes, apparently.

[381] Fuck yeah.

[382] They're getting.

[383] Yeah.

[384] So your brain, like, when they do this scan, do they tell you what you should do to make it better?

[385] Like, what do they look at and go, oh, you're fucked up?

[386] No, they tell you what you can do to make it better.

[387] You know, he works kind of with, you know, I guess a lot of, you know, kind of mostly athletes, people that kind of live abnormal lifestyle.

[388] Injuries.

[389] Yeah.

[390] He just posted a cool picture with Tyson and he just works with all different.

[391] I love seeing the other brains that I'm allowed to see also because it kind of is fun to, I would love like a match .com, but like where people just put their brain scans.

[392] I'm like, I like that one.

[393] That's lighten up the right where I need it.

[394] You know, you got something I don't have.

[395] That would be actually amazing.

[396] if that's how it worked.

[397] Because you want, like, personalities are weird.

[398] Like people, sometimes you go, well, they just work together.

[399] Exactly.

[400] And I think it has to do with that.

[401] You know, I'm not really looking now, I guess, for as much as I'm looking for the, I want the soul connection, but I'm more about the brain connection.

[402] I'm a very logical, I like to have kind of logic in my life because I used to be kind of owned by emotion in a way.

[403] I was very emotional.

[404] And that's what I meant by, I think we spun off of what I meant by tough.

[405] So I used to be very emotional And I used to cry about things And now you get over things And also more like I would really kind of just like I would just become such a recluse I have that tendency My dad my dad said he's Everyone's just getting on social distancing He's been doing it since 1992 Like my dad's been on social I said as soon as we walked in here You know I It made me That was around achy breaky heart time Yes Right 92 is That was right when I was born And that is when it was all crazy So that also explains, I mean, I think somewhat of my, just who I am, my personality, how I, how I kind of moved.

[406] Did your dad talk to you about what the anxiety was like for him when he became famous?

[407] Well, my dad was a fucking, for people don't know.

[408] In the early 90s, your dad was a fucking superstar.

[409] But he had a very different lifestyle than I did as my dad grew up in a house that didn't even have an indoor bathroom.

[410] My dad hadn't gone to the dentist until he was 30 years old.

[411] My dad had never gone to a dentist.

[412] My dad grew up poor.

[413] My uncle still lives in their same house.

[414] He's got an indoor bathroom now because my dad's a G and put that in.

[415] But he still lives in the same house.

[416] And yeah, so my dad grew up in like, you probably have seen it.

[417] It's one of the poor areas in the country.

[418] My dad grew up in Appalachia and Kentucky.

[419] So my mom.

[420] So I've been there a bunch and I've been able to see where my dad's from.

[421] So he had a different relationship to fame because he went from nothing to everything.

[422] I went kind of from having, you know, everything.

[423] If we look at really the way I grew up, lived in a big house on a big farm.

[424] The only thing that was sad about is what didn't have kind of neighbors or normal kids around because I lived on this big kind of isolated farm, but went to school, I had this normal life.

[425] But I mean, if we really look at it, I didn't know when I was a kid that I had everything, but I had everything.

[426] So I went from having it all to having more.

[427] And that, I don't know what's harder to kind of humanize, I guess, about yourself because my life.

[428] is is is very unique and so it's very hard for me to to sit with someone and relate to them and I think that made me really scared because um my mom doesn't like to be alone so I have that fear in my mind if I don't want to be alone but I think what makes you lonely isn't the amount of people are around but like am I relating to people am I really connecting well you must have a hard time connecting to people I do because they don't have the same life experiences you your reality it's like you're in a you're in a fish bowl you're in a different reality and you're hanging out next to people that aren't in the fish bowl.

[429] Here's the difference of the fish bowl.

[430] So we usually put the fish in the fish bowl.

[431] And I, you know, I...

[432] You were born in the fish bowl.

[433] Right, we do it.

[434] And I was born into it, but then again, I put myself into it.

[435] So if you get a beta, you're the one that does it.

[436] You did it when you were a little kid and you didn't know what you were doing.

[437] But my parents didn't really want me to.

[438] So my parents, my dad wouldn't even really go with us to the auditions.

[439] He was actually kind of mad at my mom about it.

[440] That was kind of a thing.

[441] And then my mom's like, I'm going to do this.

[442] So, you know, she stays in this small.

[443] she's going to be like everybody else that just ends up on drugs.

[444] So she took me to L .A. Mom, like, hello, she didn't even smoke weed yet.

[445] Oh, that's hilarious.

[446] That's not the A .B. that I've ever heard of.

[447] Like, let's avoid drugs in Nashville, so let's get more and better, a lot better drugs in L .A. But what's, we're going way off track.

[448] What bothers you about being more resilient?

[449] Because that's what it sounds like.

[450] When you say more tough, you're talking about the difference between someone who reacts overly emotionally something you would fall to the ground and curl up in a ball and cry about things and now you can get over them that to me is the sign of perspective okay so here's where it is and I don't even want to have a conversation about like really you know sexism or men versus women because like I love dudes you know and I actually relate to dudes a lot more but I think men in my life had told me that I'm a cold I'm a cold fucking bitch because I leave when things are done I was actually going to say well maybe you've been dating bitches I'm really into a lot of freaky things but I don't Don't fuck dead guys and when it's over, it's over and you're dead to me and we move on.

[451] You know, so that's how I feel about it.

[452] That's heavy.

[453] And I'll do a lot of things, but I don't do that.

[454] And so I think that that's where I've gotten the idea, which actually I'm glad you just said that to me because I get this kind of beaten into the brain from all different angles.

[455] My mom is like, you know, everyone else is proud of me for being, like you said, resilient and I have a lot of guilt.

[456] I'm a very guilty person.

[457] But that sounds like you're talking to guys who want you to feel guilty because you don't feel emotional about it ending.

[458] And this is the first time.

[459] People need to learn how to just let shit go.

[460] If they like you or if they love you.

[461] They love you, they have to.

[462] But they don't have to.

[463] That's a hard thing.

[464] If they want you to be happy, just let it pass and then be friends.

[465] Okay.

[466] So if they can't do that, that's on them.

[467] That's not on you because you're resilient.

[468] That's why I'm looking for an older man. Because these like guys that are, you know, I definitely should be with someone.

[469] I think that.

[470] You got to find Nick Nolty.

[471] This is what I'm thinking.

[472] This is what I'm thinking.

[473] I don't need a man or a woman.

[474] And that's going to take care of me. I can take care of me because I've got money.

[475] I've got all the things that I need to take care of myself.

[476] I need them to be able to take care of them.

[477] Because somehow I keep getting into the two.

[478] Well, you need someone with autonomy.

[479] Yes.

[480] That's what you need.

[481] You need someone who, they don't need your constant approval and affection and attention.

[482] And now that I'm using this word need, just for the record, I guess I really don't need to be in a relationship at all.

[483] So that's good we got to this point.

[484] See, this is therapy.

[485] Yeah, you don't need it.

[486] No. It does sound nice.

[487] People can poison you with their ideas of what you should be.

[488] And if you don't meet up to their expectations, and oftentimes their expectations of you are just to reaffirm themselves.

[489] They want you to love them.

[490] They want you to tell them how awesome they are.

[491] And if you don't feel that way, you're cold.

[492] There's something wrong with you.

[493] Because they don't have autonomy.

[494] They can't exist independently.

[495] That's the problem.

[496] Right.

[497] The problem is a lot of bitches out there.

[498] I like it.

[499] You said it not me. That's what I feel.

[500] And honestly, we're talking in a very, This is a super, like, kind of pivotal moment for me right now.

[501] I haven't been single and, like, I guess really from 2015.

[502] I mean, there's been little months, so maybe about five years.

[503] Like, I've had, you know, a few months here and there where I've been single, but not for a long period of time.

[504] And, you know, something I'm really excited about is this VMA performance that's coming up.

[505] And I love that it's the first time that I'm going to be on that stage as a single, badass, grown, evolved, secure.

[506] woman that's done a lot of work.

[507] Like, I've done the work, and that's the thing.

[508] Some people say, you know, like, how did you get here?

[509] You know, you turned out pretty good.

[510] And it's like, dude, I've worked really hard at it.

[511] But just seriously, get it in your head.

[512] Anytime someone gives you a hard time about being strong, you're not a bad person.

[513] Just because you're strong, just because you don't cry as easy as you used to, that's ridiculous.

[514] Yeah.

[515] It's ridiculous.

[516] It's perspective.

[517] That's all it is.

[518] You're not a bad, but you look at all these fucking animals you have.

[519] Yeah.

[520] How could you be a bad person if you love animals that much?

[521] Dude, I put this stuff called monkey butt on my dog's ass every day, this baby powder for dog butts.

[522] Because I got this guy, one of my, my friend who said, oh my god, this is the whole other story.

[523] My friend who's sitting out there right now tried to immediately, you know, make me happy because I just went through a breakup and showed me a hot guy on Instagram.

[524] And I started scrolling and I see him putting this powder on his dog's ass.

[525] I'm like, I don't want him, but I want that stuff for the dog's ass.

[526] That was great.

[527] So I ordered it right away.

[528] monkey butt so I have a dog her she can't see she can't hear she can barely walk she was dropped at a fire station she was overbred she's a bulldog you know and they bread like breathe them crazy and she uh can barely get off the floor she's so overweight and her name is Kate moss and what I love about it is I tell everybody when I'm coming to set you know I'm gonna bring Kate Moss make sure she's good she's COVID tested we're all good and then all the men on set's face are the best because it's like I thought my least I was bringing Kate Moss is gonna be the best day of my life and then she comes in with her big ass literally that I have baby powder she has diapers because I put diapers on her from when she comes to set because her butt is like atrocious do you just need to get her on a diet I have her on a diet honestly I'll show you some pictures when we're done with this because she had this thing called a cherry eye and everyone she had them in both eyes so they were trying to get me to like either remove her eye or do all this surgery whatever I'm like let me do this the old fashion way so every day I get up I clean her eyes see I'm not a bad person I clean her eyes I put four drops in two times a day give her three tablets she's lost probably 10 pounds already and the cherries are completely out of her eyes she is healed and what I love about her and I'll show you these videos is uh she does she can sing that's what really locked her in so I've never known this to be it for a dog to do this when I do scales and I warm up for my shows she howls and sings with me and she's got perfect pitch that's cool so I haven't even adopted her yet I was fostering her and I was going to take her to set hoping you know somebody's kids wanted a dog and they would want her and the first thing that someone's said is a face only a mother can love.

[529] And I was like, that's not true.

[530] I love her.

[531] And so I love her because she started singing to me, and then I adopted her right then.

[532] She's so ugly that they waved the adoption fee.

[533] They said, that's not a lie.

[534] They literally, she was free.

[535] And I now have to remind myself, they say the best things in life are free.

[536] And when I look at her and her big ass, I know it's true.

[537] She's so ugly.

[538] She's free.

[539] I had a friend who had wolves.

[540] He had wolf dogs, and you could, you could, like, sing in his house.

[541] And the wolves would start howling.

[542] You go, yahoo!

[543] And they would, oh.

[544] See, my dogs do that with the ambulance here.

[545] Oh, yeah.

[546] Coyotes do that.

[547] Yes.

[548] Also, they start going, then my dogs start going.

[549] So all the dogs sing, but none of them do it to scale like Kate Moss.

[550] That's adorable.

[551] Oh, yeah, she's good.

[552] So, yeah, don't let anybody tell you that there's something wrong with being resilient.

[553] Yeah.

[554] But people will do that.

[555] Men will do that.

[556] I see a lot of men do that with women.

[557] They want women to feel bad.

[558] They want them to feel bad for not being emotional wrecks.

[559] And I used to get small.

[560] That's what I'm telling you.

[561] See, that's what I used to be really.

[562] easy to kind of put me back in the, you know, kind of jack in the box kind of thing, you know, you can get me to come out and just for a little while, but it's, it's, it's become suspiciously convenient timing.

[563] It always seems that I get told that I'm a cold bitch before I'm about to, right when I'm ready to put out fucking music.

[564] It happens every time.

[565] Oh, because you're focused on other things.

[566] Focus on other than the man. Exactly.

[567] Yeah.

[568] And then it's like, you know, and then I, it's just, it's all, it's a whole thing.

[569] You have so much energy, like the way you talk and all the sentences run on into the next.

[570] Do you exercise?

[571] Yes, I exercise.

[572] What do you do?

[573] I love Pilates, and it's not super, I guess, cardio.

[574] I think you need to do something agro.

[575] I need to run a little bit more.

[576] You need to do something agro.

[577] I got a bag being put in my house right now, so I'm going to, next time I'm here, I'll show you.

[578] I'll be able to beat the shit out of it.

[579] Protect your hands.

[580] Oh, yeah, these nails come off.

[581] I just have them taped on.

[582] This is Dolly style.

[583] Everything about me is taped on, honey.

[584] It's an easy at night.

[585] You just go, and I like, yeah, it's all this tape.

[586] People that have, that play guitar and musical instruments, and they hurt their hands, punching things.

[587] I actually had a, I had a guy told me that I had grubby little kid hands.

[588] And I liked that about it because I did have dirt, and that was because this was at a time where I was doing drugs.

[589] And I wanted to know where the hell the gophers go.

[590] So there was a gopher hole in my backyard.

[591] And I'm like, where do they keep going?

[592] I see them pop up and they go in.

[593] I'm like, if you can dig to China, you can dig if I can find a. gophers.

[594] So here I go.

[595] You can't really dig to China.

[596] And I know that much and you can't find the gophers either.

[597] You can.

[598] Yeah.

[599] My garden knows how to get them.

[600] I could not find the gophers and I looked for a very long time.

[601] I even tried to get them out with pizza.

[602] I brought pizza down into the hole hoping that, you know, everybody loves pizza.

[603] Apparently not gophers.

[604] You rarely see gofers, but you see their holes all the time.

[605] That's what I'm telling you.

[606] That's where I was trying to go.

[607] That's it.

[608] You know, when someone tells you that they've been enlightened, they saw Jesus and, you know, whatever.

[609] I wanted to see.

[610] I don't even want to see Jesus.

[611] I don't even want to see Jesus.

[612] I just want to see a damn gopher.

[613] So I went into the hole and I never saw a gopher.

[614] I want to see a wolverine.

[615] I'll die disappointed.

[616] If I was one animal I could see in the wild, I'd like to see a wolverine.

[617] See, you're like, that's next level.

[618] I just want a freaking regular, regular gopher in the backyard of Studio City.

[619] You rarely see them, but I've seen them.

[620] Wolverines are dope, super cool.

[621] Well, I just think seeing one of them fuckers.

[622] That's rare.

[623] It's rare to see one of those things in the wild.

[624] Yeah, my dad, my dad wanted to see a bear for 30 years.

[625] He had this dream.

[626] This is so, I have some, I don't know if he's lying or if he's, what the hell is going on.

[627] But we're on this plane, and he's so excited.

[628] He's like, I'm going to see.

[629] My dad's a little kind of intuitive that way, and he's like, I'm going to finally do it.

[630] I've been looking for 30 years.

[631] And when you look hard enough and you're diligent about what you want, you know, I believe that you get it through diligence.

[632] And I've been looking for bears for 30 years, whatever.

[633] And so he brought catnip to he, so he could get the bear to come out.

[634] I'm like, what the, what's the deal?

[635] So, of course, my dad ends up going on some hike, and he sees a bear.

[636] And he leaves the catnip for it as a treat.

[637] He ends up leaving.

[638] And now I was so scared.

[639] You know catnip gets the cat's hype?

[640] Like, it's like crack.

[641] I'm like, please don't give crack to the bear.

[642] I don't think it works at war.

[643] I was just, I hope to God that I don't know if, how would you know, has anyone ever given catnip to a bear?

[644] I'm sure someone's done it.

[645] That's very niche.

[646] I'm pretty sure if one person has done his name is really race.

[647] It doesn't work on dogs.

[648] So why would it work on bears?

[649] I don't know.

[650] Dogs aren't bears.

[651] I don't know.

[652] more dog -like than cat -like.

[653] Well, no bears ended up going ham and doing anything crazy.

[654] Where did your dad see a bear?

[655] He was somewhere on the East Coast doing the show.

[656] There's plenty of places to see bears.

[657] You don't have to wait 30 years.

[658] My dad probably is lazy as hell and probably said I looked everywhere, probably opened his front fucking door.

[659] Bear wasn't standing there and went back inside.

[660] Well, that's what people think.

[661] There's no bears left.

[662] Go outside.

[663] Look, just go to the right place.

[664] I've seen bears.

[665] There's plenty of bears.

[666] I spent a little bit of time in Vancouver.

[667] BC with my brother.

[668] This is actually one of the crazier things I've ever done.

[669] People think I'm so crazy.

[670] But this is the craziest thing.

[671] But it's not even that nuts.

[672] I was following like Nat Geo on Instagram and I love the pictures of the spirit bears.

[673] I love those like beautiful bears up in BC.

[674] And I kind of started reading about the wolf coal up there and I got really kind of invested in these animals.

[675] And I sent a DM and said, is there any way that some point I could go with maybe some of your researchers and I could see some of these bears or wolves for myself?

[676] Because I think I'd be even more inspired to kind of like fight for them if i could actually see them and know that they're really real because i've only ever seen them from a picture and they responded and said sure you can come up and hang with the spirit this is kind of like i don't know if it's catfishing or i don't know what was really going on but someone's telling me sure so me and my brother load up we i didn't really want to get my parents involved so we got a coach flight and had to go through san francisco then we got this shitty little hotel room because we were just trying to how i didn't know how to do it everyone's always done my travel for me managers and all these things so i was just booking it so we ended up taken like two little planes, three boats, and we end up getting to, with this dude Ian who shoots and for Nat Geo and shoots up in BC and it was just amazing.

[677] And I got to see all the spirit bears.

[678] I got to go into like where they do all their research on their boat.

[679] So they'll leave these like kind of like trap combs where they, it just brushes the bear's hair when it, when it walks by so they can understand kind of more about it.

[680] And DNA test.

[681] Yeah, sort of looking about like all this information.

[682] Again, this is one of the kind of, kind of kind of weird of things that I've done that I didn't really know who was going to be waiting on that boat.

[683] I mean, I know we tell girls not to go out into the middle of a boat.

[684] How old were you when you were doing this?

[685] This was two weeks after the VMAs in 2015.

[686] So you're already super famous.

[687] I was super famous.

[688] Going out there to find bears.

[689] With my brother.

[690] There I am.

[691] Yeah, there I am.

[692] Yeah.

[693] Do you find that if you're not glammed up, there I am, that you can kind of sneak around?

[694] Well, this is kind of funny because I think it's happening in a second.

[695] They gave me a caterpillar that if you lick its belly, your tongue goes numb.

[696] Oh, great.

[697] And I pretended that I was, it might happen somewhere here.

[698] Oh, yeah, save the BC Wolves.

[699] But if, like, you don't wear makeup and shit, can you sneak around?

[700] Yeah, I sneak around pretty good.

[701] It's the voice.

[702] It's not the makeup.

[703] I just have to shut up.

[704] Yeah, it's the voice.

[705] Can you fuck with your voice and make it high?

[706] Can you pretend?

[707] Not really.

[708] Not really.

[709] I have a phone voice, I think.

[710] I apparently, you know, I directed this last video, and apparently when I read my presentations i have like a different voice you know like when you answer the phone but i think it sounds the same my my phone voice i think is like i think it just sounds the same yeah so that's what gets you that's what gets me every time yeah they're like wait but listen to her but the voice i'm telling you it's her yeah exactly that's the worst when you hear those whispers yeah those are weird whispers yeah yeah for sure your life of growing up famous is that that doesn't end well for most you're remarkably together for someone who grew up famous you know that's a it's a weird way it's a weird alchemy to put together a human being where in your developmental stages preteen in fact you're hugely famous yeah what do you think that did for you what did it do you think that's a good thing or do you think it's it's a manageable thing i would say it isn't recommended because like i kind of said in the beginning of this, it's like jumping in the deep end of the pool and not knowing if you can swim or not and it can go one way or the other.

[711] Luckily, I swam.

[712] But it almost always goes the wrong way.

[713] I know.

[714] Almost always.

[715] And that I don't think comes very recommended and I wouldn't recommend it.

[716] I don't know, I don't know what it is, but I feel, uh, I feel like I've kind of been given this like special, I don't know, kind of special understanding of I don't even know where it comes from because I'm really not religious and I maybe it comes from like education of getting a good understanding of you know I've got kind of a good idea of like what fame does on kind of like for looking at it from a level of were you thinking about this when you were young I wasn't thinking about this when I was young but I started thinking about it uh at the time where I think it kind of mattered that I could go one way or the other and that was probably when I was 17 and I bought Dr. Amen's book about understanding like kind of I get it why I can't get high enough like on drugs and why I end up doing more drugs than anybody else.

[717] I wrote a song where one of the lines says, I'll go toe to toe like I'm Ali.

[718] Like I'll just, I'll do more.

[719] That could be the biggest guy in the room and I'll say, I'll be able to do more drugs than you.

[720] But it's because my level of what high is, is I felt it from, I mean, when you're having 15 ,000 people scream your name and sing along to your songs, it's like, you know how you're saying your float tank is getting high without drugs?

[721] It's like that, but times a billion.

[722] No, I'm sure.

[723] So it's really hard to come down off that.

[724] And I never luckily had a problem with like taking downers to bring myself down but there was a lot of people around me that was like you know just take half of these and you'll be fine yeah you know so i'm lucky i didn't start messing with downers i think it also might have to do with your head injury yeah yeah i know that there's there's a real big connection between people with traumatic brain injury and the the need for either alcohol or cocaine or something to perturb your your natural state of consciousness and a lot of my brain is really really on it's got like overactivity but then again if you kind of look at the apart that frontal lobe that kind of tells you, you know, yes or no or stops you from making a bad choice.

[725] Mine gets a little sleepy sometimes when I'm not doing, especially when it comes to the diet.

[726] When my diet isn't, you know, it's, it's annoying because I do like to, one, I'm country, so I like to eat bad food.

[727] I had never, my mom used to get mad if I would tell her I don't want butter.

[728] Like my mom is like, that's great for you.

[729] Yeah, now I'm fine.

[730] But I just remember growing up my mom you know we ate frozen waffles and all that we don't know anything about nutrition i grew up on that country diet and so i learned a lot i honestly i mark a lot of um my i guess kind of like my grounding in the weight that i have to my diet to my supplementing to my my maintenance to the diligence to the sport that being an entertainer is it is a sport yeah yeah it is are you the boss yes i'm the boss you're the boss the boss do you have a mentor do you have someone that you can consult with when shit is weird i send faxes back and forth to dolly parton because that's how she oh shit that's how we communicate that's if you need a mentor that's the mentor exactly that's a woman who's done it and i kind of i try to kind of you know my life moves so fast um i try to kind of send her a little kind of rundown of what's going on every other month you guys faxed she faxes me then i send an email and they faxed to her um they email the facts to me about that.

[731] Yeah, it is.

[732] Yeah, she records everything on the cassette and all that.

[733] She records it on the cassette.

[734] And so she's, she, I have actually a recording of her saying it somewhere.

[735] It's on the beginning of Rainbow Lander at the end of it, but she says, oh, I listen to that.

[736] Yeah, she goes, all right, I'm going to put this on my cassette.

[737] Then I'm going to run it down onto a CD.

[738] Oh, I'm so high tech.

[739] Yeah.

[740] Yeah.

[741] We played Jolene, your cover of Jolene on this podcast once.

[742] Thank you very much.

[743] Yeah.

[744] Thank you.

[745] A lot of kids kind of think that's my song now.

[746] That's what I like doing about covers.

[747] I think you were talking about that Cornell tribute at one point also.

[748] That's what I love.

[749] My fans, you know, they wouldn't really know unless I introduced it to them.

[750] And that's something that I really love.

[751] And that happened recently with Midnight Sky and Stevie Nix.

[752] There's a sample of Edge of 17, which I got blessed by her to be able to allow me to do it.

[753] I had another melody, a B melody.

[754] It's definitely below a B because it's not Edge of 17, which is my fourth.

[755] top five favorite song ever and she said you can borrow from me anytime which like that's awesome so cool yeah yeah that's got to be pretty badass to be able to be in contact and and to collaborate with all this amazing artists and i went on the road with joan jet for a little while too and she was on tour with the who uh i went and hung out with her for a little while that's amazing you know even if i'd show up there and i'd maybe been partying too much and she would yell her manager kenny who's you know, been her manager and in her band from the beginning.

[756] Kenny, we got to get her like some Mexican food or something.

[757] Look at her.

[758] Like she's like, she's going to break enough.

[759] And, you know, all of a sudden all this food starts on to my room.

[760] And, you know, I think she's probably seen, you know, not just in her own band, but, you know, I think she's seen everything.

[761] I think she's seen everything.

[762] And I think she's seen it go the wrong way.

[763] You know how we're talking about whether you swim or drown.

[764] I think she's seen a lot more people drown.

[765] And so she always tries to feed me. But that's where it's got to be really hard.

[766] if you're a woman like her who's been there, done that, and then you see some young girl coming up, and you're like, damn, this lady right now is in the waves.

[767] And you've been in the waves many times where that ship is rocking back and forth and you don't know which way it's going to go.

[768] When you're a 17 -year -old kid and you're doing a lot of mushrooms and smoking a lot of pot and also you're super fucking famous, and really people can't tell you shit, which is part of the problem.

[769] I know.

[770] That's why my mom's the best.

[771] I didn't understand she was the best at the time.

[772] She'd still take my cell phone.

[773] And I'm like, how can you take it?

[774] I'm paying for it.

[775] And she's like, I gave you life shut it.

[776] You know, and yeah, my mom still took my cell phone until I was almost 20.

[777] You have like an almost manic way of talking.

[778] Yeah.

[779] Your way of talking is almost like a fountain, like a crazy fountain.

[780] Like words just keep coming and ideas just keep coming.

[781] I know.

[782] Like, how do you shut that off?

[783] I am into a lot of these, I love the idea of these hypnosis apps.

[784] I have a lot of those on my phone.

[785] Which ones are used?

[786] I like Aymond Clinics, so I'm all about my boy, Dr. Aiman.

[787] I listen to Headspace a lot.

[788] And I like calm.

[789] I use that a lot also.

[790] Calm's great.

[791] Yes.

[792] I actually, my favorite thing about Headspace is I love the sleep skate.

[793] And my favorite one is the Cat Marina.

[794] Because I do love boats and I do love cats.

[795] So that's a dream for me after a long day.

[796] Does that work on you?

[797] Yeah.

[798] When my house burned down, I literally, I'm not joking.

[799] The Cat Marina got me through.

[800] I was training in South Africa, and every night it would be like, hello, and good evening.

[801] You're at the cat marina.

[802] Lucky for you, you love cats.

[803] What do you love more?

[804] Boats.

[805] You know, and it's like, hell yeah, I'm at the cat marina.

[806] My house is on the ground and a million pieces, and I'll never see anything that I loved inside of again.

[807] But I'm at the fucking cat marina.

[808] I'm not a doctor, but if I was, I would prescribe to you some ridiculous, rigorous exercise.

[809] I think you are, you're like a little Ferrari.

[810] and you need to get out there on the fucking racetrack.

[811] Let's go.

[812] I really think that.

[813] Let's go.

[814] I see all this fucking energy you have.

[815] I'm like, that lady's like an overflowing battery.

[816] This is why I like to work hard.

[817] Yes, I'm sure.

[818] Yeah, I love to work.

[819] You're a thoroughbred.

[820] I do.

[821] And when I don't work, that's when I get in trouble.

[822] But you also got to think about there's genetics involved.

[823] You know, your father was a musician and, you know, just, and then all your life, being in the public eye like that and performing and working.

[824] And then just the amount of effort.

[825] that you put in when you were a kid touring all the time i mean you're fucking geared for that shit you know and i just feel like people like that your body can betray you sometimes i know that i have a lot of physical pain to be honest with you um and that's something i'm working on and trying to figure out too and that had a lot you got physical pain physical pain my hips like really really hurt me and my hips drive me crazy like if i fly i think i don't know maybe it's just the do you stretch i do stretch i'm actually overly flexible i'm like kind of double joint it everywhere um and so i have a lot of like shoulder like my shoulder will just slip out what all the time like it kind of just does weird things and my arms twist in weird directions are you physically strong physically strong i think i'm pretty strong i've been stronger i've been stronger maybe it's like a muscle thing maybe you need to exercise but i i i really really loved lifting and um doing all my weight training my resistance and then the kind of the veganism i was kind of trying to i think i'm really kind of building myself back up to realize what works on actually right now in a very experimental period.

[826] It's actually fun to talk about with you because I know that you kind of have probably some good suggestions on that.

[827] But I'm experimenting a lot with like my diet and my body and my routine and my exercise right now because, I mean, kind of like, you know, leaving veganism and is really terrifying.

[828] Like you said, the public kind of will destroy you for that.

[829] How long were you vegan?

[830] Since I was vegan from 2013 till 2019.

[831] So in 2019, what was the first thing that you ate?

[832] My ex -husband cooked me some fish on the grill.

[833] I cried for a long time.

[834] You cried for the fish?

[835] I cried for the fish.

[836] Those little fucks, they don't take care of their kids.

[837] Listen, I have some videos on my phone of my fish at home.

[838] I have a blowfish that runs to the side of the tank every time I come home.

[839] So it really hurts me to eat.

[840] Because it thinks you're going to feed it.

[841] and I do every time.

[842] Yeah, that's it.

[843] I know.

[844] You know what?

[845] I even really had...

[846] You get shot in the head.

[847] That fish doesn't give a fuck.

[848] Well, that's what my ex said about the dogs.

[849] And I'm like, I can't do this.

[850] The dogs and he's like, watch this.

[851] Starts feeding them the fish.

[852] They're like, they're happy.

[853] You know, they'll eat it.

[854] But so that's what I had.

[855] And it was because of a hit pain.

[856] I had actually going to, we were flying to, I think, Poland or something on a tour that I was on.

[857] And I started sobbing crying on the plane because I couldn't sit any longer because my hips were hurting so bad.

[858] So this was pre -cleaning?

[859] And laying on the floor.

[860] Pre -quitting gluten?

[861] Now I'm back on gluten.

[862] Now you're back on.

[863] I did a trial period of 18 of like kind of removing things because I think when you try all these different diets like, okay, now I'm going to try keto, now I'm going to try vegan, now I'm going to try this.

[864] You're doing it at such a kind of, it's really hard to know what's affecting you.

[865] So I tried to go slowly like, okay, it takes a freaking long time, but going through and going, I'm going to eliminate this now and then I'm going to put it back and see how I feel my body when I am supplementing, especially with the omega's.

[866] like the omegas have really changed my life for me. I think, again, you know, you kind of refer to me as something like a car, and I think that we are kind of like a car, and I was, like, so dry from having none of these healthy fats in my diet.

[867] I did what I could with, like, as many fucking avocados a day as I could have a lot things, but it's hard to get the fat.

[868] It's not as bioavailable when you're flacks and stuff like that.

[869] Your brain really needs those fats, and, you know, it was really, really hard for me. Fish oil is the way to go.

[870] Yep.

[871] I know people don't like it, and they don't like the idea behind it.

[872] But, God, damn it, it's so good for your brain.

[873] brain yeah I love I do kind of like the fish egg vital choice also because I sounds great I love fish eggs the way to go that's what I do yeah I mean it's really helped my hit so so much now that's an inflammation issue then yes yeah yeah I think in general my brain like you're saying it's kind of on fire it is in flame I think in general I'm in flame so I'm looking for in my life not just in kind of like dating or relationships but in general the people I like to have around I like to have this kind of water signs.

[874] I like someone that can kind of earth signs, but I love water signs because I love being and in general, like I love people that are kind of like fluid and that can kind of put some of that on my flame because it gets overwhelming sometimes the amount of heat and like energy that I generate.

[875] I actually was reading something about ducks that's interesting the way the ducks handle their energy.

[876] Ducks?

[877] How do they handle their energy?

[878] So ducks, you know, I guess their form of exercise.

[879] So apparently I was reading this in a book last night.

[880] I don't know if it's, I guess it goes with my realistic children's stories, but I was reading about ducks, how they like kind of ferociously flap their wings and then they kind of swim off in peace and you'll kind of, you'll see these weird kind of patterns that they do and especially if two ducks are together.

[881] So you throw a piece of bread in the water, one of the ducks get it, they get a little fight going on.

[882] Then they both separate ways.

[883] They go to their own spot and start flapping their wings all crazy to get out some of that energy.

[884] And then they just swim away in peace.

[885] And I'm like, I guess that's kind of what you're saying that I need.

[886] I need to be more duck -like.

[887] I need to whether it's the beginning of the day or the end of the day, I need something to go and like flat my wings and get out that extra energy because I think that's part of the physical pain.

[888] Like when I went to go check in on the pain before and I've been to a lot of people here and no one seemed to help me with the physical pain.

[889] It actually gets really, really bad.

[890] Like especially if I fly, I usually have to lay on the ground because my back hurts me so bad and my hips hurt me so bad.

[891] That's crazy.

[892] I know.

[893] And I'm too young.

[894] For you to be on.

[895] For you to this young yeah that's crazy and there's no real injuries you could point to that's that caused this so i overdid a stanga yoga for a couple years because i am extremist right and some there's a little controversy between the stanga yoga and the kind of like hip injuries yeah hip injuries you got an MRI have you ever got everything and everything looks good you know everyone says we have no idea you know kind of what's going on but they're not really taking into consideration my lifestyle which that has to do something you know i have to put it This amount of energy, I don't always get it out.

[896] You're right.

[897] I need to freaking run more.

[898] You know what?

[899] The running helped me a lot when the house burned down too.

[900] In South Africa, I was running every day.

[901] Yeah, I would think that someone like you, you need something rigorous.

[902] If I don't work out, I'm not a great person.

[903] Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[904] I can guarantee you.

[905] Oh, yeah.

[906] We don't do calls or work meetings before I work out.

[907] We know this.

[908] Okay.

[909] We've learned from the past that.

[910] Do you have a trainer?

[911] Very important.

[912] Yeah, I do.

[913] Is it a good trainer?

[914] I have a bad -ass trainer, but I need to, I think in times where my trainer is kind of like family, like for me now and maybe getting a little too soft.

[915] A little too soft in the way that when I'm going through, like, you know, this week I went through like another public breakup.

[916] I had the VMAs.

[917] The song was coming out at the same time.

[918] And when I got into the gym, like I would sometimes just start crying because I love them like families.

[919] When you walk in, I would just start crying.

[920] Because you know that you can be comfortable around.

[921] Just comfortable.

[922] And then I think it's hard to go, okay, now I'm going to beat your ass because I think he thinks life is beating my ass.

[923] But maybe I need just, maybe it's tough love.

[924] Yeah, there's a job to be done.

[925] All that emotion's great and it's wonderful that he loves you and then you guys are friends.

[926] I think it's a little bit my bad for, like, wondering how hard I want to be pushed.

[927] Well, it's also you're the boss.

[928] That's the problem.

[929] When you're the boss and you're Miley Cyrus, you can't say, listen, bitch, it's time to go to work.

[930] Yeah.

[931] You know.

[932] He'll do it to me sometimes, which I love.

[933] But you can't do it too much because then you're like, no, no, no, I'm the fucking boss.

[934] And then you got a great relationship.

[935] Then I think I want to kind of, I don't know what it is.

[936] It's not give up.

[937] But then I think sometimes I wonder how much.

[938] And I really don't even like saying this because I kind of have guilt for my life.

[939] Like I don't mean it's too much.

[940] Like I can't take anything else.

[941] Like I know that I don't have the hardest life.

[942] I know how lucky I am.

[943] I know that.

[944] You don't need to compare because just what you do is very difficult.

[945] Don't make any mistake about that.

[946] I have a hard time with that.

[947] I feel very guilty.

[948] The nonsense.

[949] Throw someone else into your existence.

[950] First of all, A, you didn't choose it, okay?

[951] You were a little kid and you became famous.

[952] B, being in the public eye and just dealing with the things we're talking about, about people writing stories that are fake about you, all that stuff comes at a price.

[953] And if you read it, it comes at a heavier price.

[954] But even just knowing it exists, it gets in your head.

[955] You have to be very strong to be able to ward that off.

[956] And the idea that you don't and that it's easy.

[957] and that a regular life is easier.

[958] Horshit.

[959] Regular life is just a regular life.

[960] It's not easier or harder, but what you do is fucking hard.

[961] It's very hard.

[962] You're very famous.

[963] Being very famous is weird.

[964] And being very famous your whole life is even weirder.

[965] So a normal person develops, right?

[966] You go through life and you meet friends and you have to show that you're a good person to get people to like you.

[967] You have to show, you know, some sort of some excellence at something for people to, They'll praise you.

[968] You're getting fucking praise from the time you're a baby, basically.

[969] It's a weird way to develop.

[970] Yes, I agree.

[971] And so for you to reach adulthood and try to be conscious and try to be sentient and try to just stay balanced, you're dealing, you're dealing.

[972] You're dealing with a situation that 99 .999 % of the population has no fucking idea what you're handling.

[973] Yeah.

[974] The only people that are going to understand it are people that also grew up famous.

[975] Yeah.

[976] Which I have a hard time with because.

[977] I haven't made that exactly my peer group and now I kind of am.

[978] Like I think I've been really searching for some sort of normalcy in my life.

[979] For sure.

[980] And so I think I haven't surrounded myself with the top of kind of people that are also at this level.

[981] Because I feel I have a lot of guilt.

[982] Like I feel like I would be, I feel like that would make me shallow or something for only surrounding myself for like rich and famous people.

[983] Right, but people do that because of the only ones that can relate to you.

[984] And that's what I'm working on.

[985] You feel like people that are regular folks, they treat you weird, or they like you more than they should, or that they, you know, they praise you more than they should because you're an alien.

[986] Yeah.

[987] You're this, like, oh, she's furious.

[988] She's fucking Riley Cyrus.

[989] Yeah.

[990] You're not like a regular person that walks into a room, and you'll never be a regular person.

[991] And I think rather than trying to prove, like, excellence in any way when I walk in a room, I try to prove really hard that I'm normal.

[992] Yeah.

[993] You want to be normal.

[994] It's exhausting.

[995] But I don't want to be normal, which is funny.

[996] Because it's kind of like you make a goal.

[997] You know, I do this with Amen about making a goal and then going towards what I want.

[998] It's like, I don't want to be normal.

[999] Yeah.

[1000] But I constantly struggle with, am I a fucking rich asshole?

[1001] Well, this is the beautiful thing.

[1002] The beautiful thing is that you're thinking.

[1003] You're thinking about all this.

[1004] You're balancing it out.

[1005] But this is not a path that very many people have gone through successfully.

[1006] Yeah.

[1007] And so that's why you have to be careful because you're here right now.

[1008] You're okay.

[1009] Like right now, Marie, Miley Cyrus in 2020, you're great, you're good.

[1010] I mean, you've gone through divorce, you've gone through this, you've gone through that, but you're right here, right now, you're okay.

[1011] Yeah.

[1012] The path forward is treacherous.

[1013] Yeah.

[1014] It is going to be, because you didn't develop like a normal person.

[1015] Every fucking child star, I mean, like, maybe like Jody Foster, like how many, how many of them made it through and see, and I don't know her, maybe that lady's crazy.

[1016] She's an amazing actress, right?

[1017] There's a few that made it through.

[1018] There's not many.

[1019] Yeah.

[1020] And it's not a good path.

[1021] It's not a path that I would ever recommend to somebody.

[1022] And once you've gone through it, there's no way to go back and do it all over again, right?

[1023] But I say with confidence that I feel like I could be the one because I feel like I don't expect it to be easy and I don't even want it to be.

[1024] Actually, I had a guy trying to be shitting me one time said, you want a guy that'll just do whatever you want.

[1025] I said, that's where you're wrong.

[1026] I want like all the challenging things.

[1027] If it's something that's easy, I don't fucking want it.

[1028] I never have.

[1029] That's why I didn't keep living my life in Nashville, where we were the biggest fish in the small pond and all that kind of thing.

[1030] You know, I needed more.

[1031] And the reason why I say that with confidence is because I'm really willing to do the work.

[1032] And I'm also, I'm willing to look at myself from a human level and also look at like what my body needs to thrive.

[1033] And I know that it can't be cocaine for me. And I know that it can't be alcohol.

[1034] And I know that unfortunately I love fucking fish.

[1035] But at this point, I got to eat it to be able to have my brain to work.

[1036] as quickly as you and I are going right now or what I have to do later today and going to the studio tonight.

[1037] And I understand myself from a human, there's nothing about me that thinks I am superhuman.

[1038] And I think that, I think I would, I would take that as something that that makes me unique because I don't think that I'm really, I know that there's something special about me in my life, but I don't feel that on this level of being a human that I'm different and so I know what it takes to keep this motor going and and I also know when to take time well all those things you said are perfect as long as you have doubt as long as you want to do better as long as you're recognizing who you are is not exactly who you want to be yeah you want to be better you want to figure it all out you want to work it all through and you have this weird guilt from growing up in this weird way it has to be you're a fucking superstar when you're a little kid the guilt's crazy there's no way around it and if you hang out with normal people they're going to stick that in your face.

[1039] A lot of people hold my guilt.

[1040] They know it's a weakness, so they use it with me a lot.

[1041] You've got to find people that don't do that.

[1042] Yeah, that's why my crew is pretty small.

[1043] Beautiful.

[1044] Well, they're all nice people.

[1045] They are.

[1046] And they're all been in my life for over 10 years.

[1047] And that is possible.

[1048] People ask people that are famous.

[1049] Like, is it possible that you could find people that don't get weird around you?

[1050] Yeah, you could find them, but they have to be strong people.

[1051] Exactly.

[1052] You have to have people that have their own personal sovereignty.

[1053] Exactly.

[1054] People that can hold their own space.

[1055] They don't need you.

[1056] They just love you.

[1057] Yeah.

[1058] Oh man, man, you know, I had someone that that tried to, tried to hurt me and say that, I mean, I really have had, I've, I've had really amazing people in my life, but I've had people that have tried to hurt me too.

[1059] I even brought my little scarf just in case I got emotional because I really might.

[1060] I had someone recently tried to tell me that everyone in my life is afraid of me. And that, like, that really makes me upset just because.

[1061] Well, I bet a lot of people in your life are afraid of you.

[1062] I think everyone in my life that I have in my close inner circle really loves me. And so to say that everyone in my life acts out of fear of me, my mom, I'm almost fucking 30.

[1063] She will whit my ass.

[1064] Like, my mom will actually hit me. But I don't mean it a bad way.

[1065] I don't mean that they're afraid of you, like afraid you're going to do something terrible and they're afraid around you.

[1066] I mean, you're a powerful thing.

[1067] You're, I mean, there's no getting away from who you are.

[1068] You've got to kind of accept that you're Miley Cyrus.

[1069] Yeah, that I'm working on.

[1070] strange thing there's one Miley Cyrus in the universe that we know of it's you and you're really fucking famous and you're really young it's weird yeah there's no getting around that yeah and the fact that you feel guilt about all this and the fact you want things to be difficult those are all the the best indicators that you're trying to do better yeah like you get it yes you do get it and you know that you have a hard road and the people that don't think you have a hard road they're out of their fucking mind like I didn't get famous until it was much later in life and it was a slow drip into my 30s and into my 40s That seems healthier.

[1071] It was way healthier.

[1072] That seems healthy.

[1073] But I also, during the whole time, did martial arts.

[1074] So I was always humbled.

[1075] I was always getting my ass kicked.

[1076] Yeah.

[1077] And I feel like those two things are the only things that saved me from my own brain.

[1078] Yeah.

[1079] Because people are not designed to be famous.

[1080] Yeah.

[1081] That's why kings are all tyrants.

[1082] Yeah.

[1083] When you're the one person, he gets to make all the calls, absolute power, it corrupts absolutely.

[1084] It's a common expression, right?

[1085] Yes, absolutely.

[1086] That happens with famous people.

[1087] I'm trying to have a good relationship with the power and feel.

[1088] feel a healthy dynamic towards it.

[1089] The way you're describing it is perfect.

[1090] How many, look, the Ellen situation.

[1091] I don't know, Ellen.

[1092] She's probably a nice lady.

[1093] But she's in control.

[1094] She's in control of all these people and they're all scared of us.

[1095] She's like, fuck you, where's my tea?

[1096] You know, that kind of shit that's not a good place for a person to be.

[1097] To have that much control over that many people.

[1098] I'm really, really proud of myself that I don't live in that world.

[1099] And I think I could probably also mark that up to animals and how much I love them.

[1100] And I think that's what led to my veganism for a time was like, The fact that tonight I have to put powder on my dog's ass, that makes me happy.

[1101] What does the powder do?

[1102] I don't get what the powder does.

[1103] Apparently, I think it kind of just hopefully conceals in some way how disgusting.

[1104] It's very, very out there and in your face.

[1105] And I think it's more of like a concealer.

[1106] But I'm really happy that Kate Moss, hey guys, I get to say Kate Moss makes me put baby powder on her ass.

[1107] Just use that as the teaser.

[1108] One time Kate Moss made me put baby powder on ass It's called monkey butt So I um that that makes me happy And like my one of my dogs He's obsessed with drinking out of the pool And so he like throws up all the time And it's disgusting And it honestly always makes me happy And the one thing that I like about my dogs That they don't know who I am I mean they know that they got a good living situation They're probably like I wonder what she does for a living But they're because their life is pretty good And they get to go to other cool places also But yeah my dogs don't know who I am So I like that And the cats scratch the shit out of me all the time and the pigs are horrible.

[1109] They bite my ankles.

[1110] I love it about them.

[1111] Yeah.

[1112] Well, I bet that's one of the ways you achieve balance is through animals.

[1113] It's probably why you like them so much because they don't treat you like you're an alien.

[1114] They just treat you like your mama.

[1115] Exactly.

[1116] And yeah, their appreciation and gratitude level is something that I aspire to kind of recreate in my own life.

[1117] I love how gracious they are.

[1118] I think I really respect the way you're looking at things.

[1119] I like the fact that you know that you're in.

[1120] this weird situation and you actually feel guilty for it.

[1121] I don't think it's necessarily good to feel guilty, but the fact that you do is strong because it shows that you're conscious of how weird it is.

[1122] Yeah.

[1123] And we've been working on my guilt a lot.

[1124] And what's funny is like, I always want to cancel therapy when nothing's going on, which I guess is when we kind of need it, but I always want to cancel it.

[1125] And then we start talking about guilt and like, we got it, you know, we got to work on your guilt and whatever.

[1126] But I'm like, I only call you out of guilt.

[1127] I don't want to do therapy and I don't even want to talk to you about what's going on my life.

[1128] So we can't get rid of it too much because guilt makes us do.

[1129] things I feel the same way about fear and anxiety also healthy fear healthy anxiety that's one of the things I like about weed that's the mask I like to get scared you like to get scared oh yeah I like to see the devil I don't like that anymore I like to see the devil I do not like to be paranoid I like to freak out I had a very great ayahuasca experience that I saw some things I saw like um I guess people take ayahuasca a couple of times end up seeing these snakes that end up like taking you underground and you kind of meet mama ayahuasca and she walks you through everything.

[1130] So ayahuasca, the woman that I was seeing, it was at the time where I just kind of started to become like really dedicated to the veganism and she reached down my throat and pulled out every dead animal I had ever eaten and made me throw it up.

[1131] Whoa.

[1132] But I didn't see the animal that it was.

[1133] Like I didn't see like a cow or pig or chicken.

[1134] Like I saw me puking up all the animals.

[1135] I saw me picking up seals.

[1136] Puking up a seal, not fun.

[1137] Elephants, all these different animals.

[1138] And I would see all the animals coming out of my body.

[1139] And you're not supposed to have like a companion in your ayahuasca trip.

[1140] It's supposed to be just about you.

[1141] But I, you know, like my life, the good perks, I got special treatment.

[1142] I could have my dog.

[1143] So I had my dog and I held my dog the entire time.

[1144] And I had a really, really intense trip.

[1145] But since then, I haven't really loved getting high as much as I used to.

[1146] It like unlocked something.

[1147] Now I'm like I just don't want to puke up seals again.

[1148] Well, that sounds like you were dealing with some sort of personal guilt.

[1149] I was dealing with guilt.

[1150] Yeah, not just guilt for being famous, but also guilt for killing other lives to feed your own life that you already feel guilty for.

[1151] Yes.

[1152] It's all psychologically connected.

[1153] Like, what you see through psychedelics is in, it's not just the psychedelic, it's what you bring to the psychedelic.

[1154] That's why set and setting is so important.

[1155] Well, you're supposed to be sober, I think two weeks before you actually do the ayahuasca, which I was the only one that didn't do that.

[1156] Yeah, I don't know if that's necessary.

[1157] I got a little cray, crazy.

[1158] DMT will take you there no matter what.

[1159] I've done some good DMT.

[1160] I saw all my personalities great me one time on DMT.

[1161] All my personalities I saw, and then I was like, I saw me as like a really ugly cryer and then like me screaming, yelling at people.

[1162] And it was nice.

[1163] As I was sitting on the couch as it started to hit me, they almost kind of like accordioned back into my body, all my personality.

[1164] The thing about all this craziness and the manic behavior and all of your guilt and all of your anxiety, there's something that comes out.

[1165] in your music.

[1166] There's some of that that comes out in this energy when you sing.

[1167] And I don't know if it would be there without it.

[1168] I think all brilliant artists are crazy.

[1169] I've never met one that isn't.

[1170] There's something that they have when, you know, they're bottling it all up inside and whether it's they're playing the guitar, whether they're singing, when they sing, it comes out.

[1171] You know, and when you sing, it comes out.

[1172] But it's kind of that's how, it's kind of new also, like it's coming out in a whole other way.

[1173] You know, I look at videos.

[1174] I'm very different.

[1175] And I honestly feel like my voice changed a lot after the fire.

[1176] I could sing better after the fire in some way.

[1177] It's almost like it like unleashed something.

[1178] Yeah, pain.

[1179] Like it did.

[1180] And like maybe that's what it is.

[1181] Maybe I earned it.

[1182] Maybe that's what it is because I noticed that my voice got better as I had trauma.

[1183] Well, it's also probably you're more comfortable with who you are having gone through that.

[1184] Yeah.

[1185] The thing about having, like, really not an easy life, but a privileged life, like, you've, you know, you've had so many doors open to you and so much wealth and so much success.

[1186] Like, when you do something hard or something hard happens to you, at least you go, okay, I got through, that that was real.

[1187] Yeah.

[1188] Like, I earned that.

[1189] I earned my point of view, my place of peace after a storm.

[1190] Yeah.

[1191] And every storm that you go through, like, that's why when you listen to Johnny Cash saying hurt.

[1192] Man. is like how old was he when he did that cover he was like 80 yeah it's all those years yeah damn you hear that voice and it's like there's something that's coming right right there's something that comes through in the in the music in the voice there's something that comes through in someone's art when they've experienced things yeah and this is this is what you're getting I mean this is what your emotions and all that shit that that that bothers you and freaks you out and all the chaos.

[1193] When you get in front of that microphone, that comes out.

[1194] It's almost, yeah, I guess your life is almost like, it's kind of art in the way of kind.

[1195] I feel like I'm always doing performance art in some way, even in my personal life.

[1196] That's a problem, right?

[1197] That's scary.

[1198] It's hard to just be.

[1199] It's scary.

[1200] It's hard to be in the moment and just be.

[1201] You always feel like you're putting on a show.

[1202] It is.

[1203] Well, it's because your whole life you develop putting on a show.

[1204] You know, and we've talked, you know, obviously I think a little bit about kind of in the beginning of this talking about technology and how it's, change things for me and streaming and all these things.

[1205] But it's also giving everyone a voice, the people that don't need one sometimes to say the things that they say it gives them a lot of power and you've got to have a lot of restraints.

[1206] Like, listen, you're sitting with someone that loves to do drugs.

[1207] I can't take drugs anymore.

[1208] I want to, but because there's a repercussion, I won't.

[1209] That's the same way I feel about looking at shit and looking at daily mail and looking at these things.

[1210] I won't do it, not because it's not tempting and because in a way, that gives you a rush too, right you look at it you get those adrenaline's and the butterflies i'm someone that likes to get high it gets you high drama so i try not to watch any dramatic tv or things like that because i'm also kind of a parrot i'm a sponge i never grew out of that you know kids they hear something they can do it like i've always been like that if you show me once i can do it right now but that's why i shouldn't watch dramatic television right well that's why i always feel weird when girls are really into those true crime shows about rape and murder and shit like no shut that off yeah no it's not i don't think it's really that healthy.

[1211] That's why I love RuPaul's drag race.

[1212] It's like nothing really harmful is going to come out of just slapping some wigs on and calling it a day.

[1213] Would they do death drops on a whole other way than what you guys do out there on the mats?

[1214] This is like, this is some intense shit.

[1215] I have never watched.

[1216] You've never seen a death drop?

[1217] What does RuPaul's drag race do?

[1218] What do they do?

[1219] Oh my God.

[1220] What?

[1221] This is crazy.

[1222] It's my favorite.

[1223] Okay, honestly, like Rupal Rupal Rupal when I said earlier I'm not religious that's a lie I am Rupal's Bitarian like I fuck with Rupal Rupal is God Rupal lives by if you can't love yourself how in the hell are you going to love anybody else Can I get an amen ranch in Wyoming I love that He's got it all figured out Rupal Mama Roo she's my life and the reason I love to watch her so much is really there's this There's this thing that they do on the show, and it's called the reading room.

[1224] It's called The Library.

[1225] What is the show?

[1226] Because I know the name of the show, but I don't even know what it is.

[1227] You know, so the drag queens from all over the country, and now they're going all over the world.

[1228] They've got RuPaul's Drag Race everywhere.

[1229] Oh, shit.

[1230] Oh, yeah.

[1231] It's all over the world.

[1232] I watch RuPaul's Korea, RuPaul's Canada.

[1233] We watch everything.

[1234] Oh, here it is.

[1235] Oh, this is one of my favorite, Alyssa Edwards.

[1236] I think I might even be in the audience.

[1237] You know who that is?

[1238] Yes.

[1239] Oh.

[1240] That's what I'm telling you.

[1241] Look at that guy clapping.

[1242] Look at the way they're clapping.

[1243] I was here, look at her.

[1244] Look at her.

[1245] The way they're clapping is amazing.

[1246] Oh my God.

[1247] Whoa.

[1248] Kick off the shoes.

[1249] See, I know who that is?

[1250] Yeah, I know Latrice.

[1251] Oh, my God.

[1252] That's a big person to be doing that kind of a split.

[1253] She's got a song called Big Big Girl.

[1254] And she says, wait, come over here and pour some more food upon this plate.

[1255] I ain't going to the gym bitch.

[1256] I'm losing no weight.

[1257] Look at me. I'm sickening.

[1258] Yeah, yeah.

[1259] I'm sickening.

[1260] Ooh, I may be fat bitch, but you're ugly and I can lose weight.

[1261] Oh, shit.

[1262] I'm right there.

[1263] There I am.

[1264] I'm in the audience.

[1265] So are my two friends that are here with me today.

[1266] Oh, my God.

[1267] She's so sickening.

[1268] Y 'all's Kennedy.

[1269] You know who Kennedy is?

[1270] I know every single one of them.

[1271] They all do the same move.

[1272] They drop down and do the splits.

[1273] That's what I think when I'm watching your shows, too.

[1274] You know, all the same stuff.

[1275] But this move of the splits, they all do this.

[1276] That's the move.

[1277] It's the money move.

[1278] Oh, the money move is the splits.

[1279] Look out.

[1280] She got money in her hand.

[1281] Look, they're throwing money at her.

[1282] Kennedy's everything.

[1283] She's an OG.

[1284] They should call this show, I do the splits.

[1285] Death drop.

[1286] Yeah, I got a highlight video of all of these.

[1287] It's called Best Death Drops and Splits.

[1288] I've seen this one.

[1289] So is that death drop when you do the splits?

[1290] That one's a death drop and split.

[1291] That's also a very, that's, oh, here she goes.

[1292] Yaw, ooh, ka, ooh, yaws.

[1293] Bam.

[1294] So is that a death drop?

[1295] No, that was a split.

[1296] Okay.

[1297] What is the difference?

[1298] Death drop, you'll see it's when you go from standing.

[1299] Let's see.

[1300] No, that's a split.

[1301] They're all splits.

[1302] You got to find death drops.

[1303] That's not a death drop.

[1304] Look up.

[1305] It's season, I believe, maybe 10, or no, season nine, Lagonga Stronga.

[1306] Lagonga Stronga.

[1307] Oh, there's the death job, that's her.

[1308] Lagonga Estrangea.

[1309] There you go.

[1310] What about Jinks?

[1311] We love Jinks.

[1312] Oh, she just does a bad split.

[1313] Bittney.

[1314] That she needs a little bit of flexibility there.

[1315] That wasn't great.

[1316] We love Monet.

[1317] She's Miss Congeniality.

[1318] Monet needs a little bit of flexibility.

[1319] I don't love her sometimes.

[1320] I'm okay.

[1321] That's funny.

[1322] Like, they have to go all the way to the ground.

[1323] Oh, this is your favorite.

[1324] So she's got her own show.

[1325] She actually did the VMAs with me. Now, you have to do a full split to be taken seriously.

[1326] Oh, there, that's a good one.

[1327] That's a good one.

[1328] That's a good one.

[1329] That's a serious split.

[1330] I'm clapping.

[1331] You can't have a bent knee?

[1332] Is that disrespectful?

[1333] I mean, you're not going to get any cash on the stage.

[1334] Oh, if your knee is bent, it's not good.

[1335] No. That's LaGonga.

[1336] She's got the best one.

[1337] Boom.

[1338] That was her big split, but she's going to probably do another death drop.

[1339] Another death job.

[1340] There's right here.

[1341] This is a real death drop right here.

[1342] Ready?

[1343] Go.

[1344] Yaw.

[1345] That's a death drop.

[1346] That's a death drop.

[1347] That looks like a good way to blow out your ACL.

[1348] Look at that right knee.

[1349] That don't look good.

[1350] Oh, man. If I was doing commentary on her, I'm like, she's going to be hurt.

[1351] Yaw!

[1352] Boom!

[1353] That is terrible for your joints.

[1354] It's got to be awful.

[1355] Oh, look at her knee.

[1356] Here she goes.

[1357] That's terrible.

[1358] Okay, here we go.

[1359] Bamar Michaels.

[1360] Oh, that's a full side split.

[1361] Look at that.

[1362] My goodness.

[1363] That's a lot of craziness.

[1364] So when you ask me why my hips hurt so bad at some practice.

[1365] It's practicing this.

[1366] No. I don't death drop.

[1367] I do not death drop.

[1368] That will fuck you up.

[1369] I mean, that's what fuck Prince is hip up.

[1370] No, I don't do that.

[1371] I tried it one time at G -A -Y, and it was worth it.

[1372] What is G -A -Y?

[1373] My favorite gay club in London.

[1374] Boy, they were just fucking nailed it on the head.

[1375] G -A -Y.

[1376] It's called a club gay.

[1377] It's perfect.

[1378] It's so gay.

[1379] It's just called gay.

[1380] Why not?

[1381] It's iconic.

[1382] What did you say?

[1383] What did you say?

[1384] Oh, this one's really crazy.

[1385] Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

[1386] That's the craziest death drop ever.

[1387] Aces.

[1388] So that's, wow.

[1389] That's a brain damage death drop.

[1390] That's a death drop from five feet up.

[1391] That's crazy.

[1392] Honestly, but, like, I feel like I've come alive since watching this.

[1393] What it does to me as, like, on a level that I just, like, I love it so fucking much.

[1394] What, are they scoring them?

[1395] Well, usually in the ball.

[1396] Like, usually in the ball, which is what you're doing, you're bringing it to the ball, like you're doing like a runway.

[1397] Usually it's a one through ten, ten being the best, and you say tens, tens, tens across the board.

[1398] So this, what's happening here?

[1399] Oh, this is a really good performance that I love.

[1400] And these fellas These are the other pit crew They're kind of like the bitches that bring out the shit And like they're kind of like They kind of get them Yeah They help Exactly That's what I like about the show too And I think all the men kind of like Having to be the background dancers That blue paint is outrageous She's her name's Alaska Thunderfuck Alaska Thunderfuck Yeah she's one of my favorites This might be my new favorite show I'm telling you I might have to start watching.

[1401] Alaska Thunderfuck is absolutely my favorite queen.

[1402] Jesus.

[1403] I love Kitty Girl.

[1404] I think you've already had three or four favorite queens just in the time to watch this clip.

[1405] Well, Alaska is the one that I love her personal music.

[1406] What about Alyssa?

[1407] You're turning your back on her?

[1408] No, Alyssa is my favorite performer.

[1409] Oh.

[1410] Alyssa is my favorite performer slash dancer.

[1411] Oh, I don't.

[1412] And Alaska Thunderfuck.

[1413] Alaska is got amazing music.

[1414] So Alaska Thunderfuck's a musician.

[1415] Her big hit single is called Your Makeup is Terrible.

[1416] Pff.

[1417] I might have to watch this show.

[1418] It's really good.

[1419] That's detox.

[1420] Detox.

[1421] That's hilarious.

[1422] I actually grew up hanging out with her.

[1423] She worked at Beecher's Madhouse, which was like a freaky club.

[1424] Oh, yeah.

[1425] I met that dude before.

[1426] I met him at the comedy store.

[1427] So she, I end up, I kind of, that was like my, you know, Studio 54, like that era.

[1428] That's what I did.

[1429] So she was there.

[1430] She was one of the performers, so I know her.

[1431] That is hilarious.

[1432] I grew up with me. God damn it.

[1433] So is this show like this every week?

[1434] Yes.

[1435] So every week is RuPaul and they're all.

[1436] And tell the show.

[1437] there's a new episode, I watch the same one every day.

[1438] And who are the folks on the panel?

[1439] So usually there's a guest judge and then his best friend, Michelle Visage, and that's Tadrick Hall, who is like a big choreographer and artist.

[1440] Hilarious.

[1441] I know a lot about this show.

[1442] You do.

[1443] There they are.

[1444] How often you watch?

[1445] Is this like you're on tour?

[1446] I'm so thirsty for new episodes.

[1447] I'm watching RuPaul Canada right now.

[1448] RuPaul's not even on it.

[1449] It's just a spin -off.

[1450] What?

[1451] What do they have RuPaul Canada if it's a spin -off?

[1452] She's a genius.

[1453] She's the new McDonald's.

[1454] She's got it.

[1455] So she just said, listen, I'm just going to put my name on this and just spread it out to Thailand and put it in Eidland.

[1456] Oh yeah, everywhere, everywhere around the world.

[1457] Wow.

[1458] They're really fun to watch ones around.

[1459] But without Rue, it's really not the same because she drops knowledge.

[1460] Knowledge.

[1461] Like what kind of knowledge?

[1462] Like when I do feel guilty about like all my, you know, kind of what we talked about, just like when I start feeling that guilt and I feel guilt that like when I tell someone I can't do this because I need to focus on me or I need to to like take the time that I'm cooking for you to be using that time for my meditation and I become that person like I just give so much and I just love that she says if you can't love yourself how in the hell are you going to love anybody else I really love that um it's a good point it's a really good point I'm trying to just like that needs to be tattooed on my and my brain so RuPaul's also been around a long time also a really great year the ups and downs and and look what she created like from a world that I mean still even in 2020 that's just not acceptable.

[1463] I live in Nashville, Tennessee.

[1464] None of my friends in Nashville, they all don't know what I'm watching.

[1465] I can't believe that.

[1466] And it's just like the way that she's won, I think she's up for like 14 Emmys this year.

[1467] What was her, what did she break out with?

[1468] What was like the first thing that she got popular with?

[1469] Booty, what's her movie?

[1470] Something booty.

[1471] You could look it up.

[1472] RuPaul Booty.

[1473] I'm going to be so annoyed because I had the DVD.

[1474] Yeah.

[1475] Would she famous for a song?

[1476] Like, what was?

[1477] Yes.

[1478] Like, you better work.

[1479] That's right.

[1480] Supermodel.

[1481] Yeah.

[1482] Perfect girl.

[1483] Right, right, right.

[1484] What year was that?

[1485] Like, what is it, 80s, 90s?

[1486] That might have been right around the time your dad popped.

[1487] 90s.

[1488] Why he didn't collab with Rue, I'll never understand.

[1489] That would have been, that would have pushed him over the top.

[1490] I really would have.

[1491] Yeah.

[1492] So Rupal Dragway, that's remarkable longevity for Rupal, right?

[1493] I'm telling you, Rupal, RuPaul is the only one that in my book compares to Dolly.

[1494] That is crazy if you really stop and think.

[1495] think about that that is 30 fucking years that's her that's her oh wow they're looking to picture of her there you go look how beautiful look at the exaggerated femininity that drag queens embrace I love that aspect of it that's called painting that's called painting for the gods painting for the gods painting for the gods show me painting for the gods I'm not painted for the gods right now with the makeup so when you're like you're painted for the gods that means like your makeup is like you have drawn on that face.

[1496] No, is that only, is that a drag queen expression?

[1497] For the gods?

[1498] Is you okay to say drag queen?

[1499] Drag queen's all good.

[1500] Okay.

[1501] That one hung around.

[1502] We love drag queen.

[1503] You know what I'm saying?

[1504] Like there's certain expressions from back in the day that you can't say anymore.

[1505] There's even been a drag queen on the show that is a straight male.

[1506] That just does drag.

[1507] Wait, what?

[1508] There's a straight male on here.

[1509] Yes.

[1510] I bet you could talk him into some gay stuff.

[1511] He's a straight male.

[1512] He's got to get them drunk.

[1513] Sure he's straight.

[1514] And not all of us.

[1515] He is.

[1516] Oh, yeah, for sure.

[1517] I believe what he's.

[1518] Well, he's probably really good at it, right?

[1519] Really good as a drag queen?

[1520] He knows what's sexy.

[1521] He knows what he wants.

[1522] Right.

[1523] I love that, yeah.

[1524] But that was explained to me about some men who love women, but like to dress as women.

[1525] Like, there's a kink.

[1526] Yeah.

[1527] Like, they like to be sexy.

[1528] I actually dressed as a man for Rupal's drag race.

[1529] My name was BJ, if we can show you that, because I'm kind of like a hot dude.

[1530] Really?

[1531] I look a lot like Justin Bieber.

[1532] People tell me that all the time.

[1533] Like, when I, if I have a little scruff and like a side swoop, I go Bieber really quick.

[1534] Really?

[1535] Yeah.

[1536] But my name was BJ on the show, and I dress as a guy.

[1537] And I kind of thought it was kinky.

[1538] So, yeah.

[1539] Do you feel like a bad girl when you dress like a boy?

[1540] Like, is this.

[1541] No, this is 2020.

[1542] Like, playing with gender roles is just so not.

[1543] There's no shock value to it anymore.

[1544] There's no shock value to it.

[1545] There's no shock value.

[1546] Not in my, not in my community.

[1547] Oh, in your community of drag group people.

[1548] my community and we're painting for the gods we're beat the beat that's like you're beating your mug that means you've fucking pounded that shit into your face like even if you took a wipe and went like this you'd still look like a woman like you have that's what it's called yes beat your mug yes you should see me if i had my brush in here i'd show you how you do it wow you just like pound it oh yeah there i am there you are oh yeah so they can't see me i'm in a double -sided mirror so they just see themselves but i see them that's you yep oh that's hilarious that's That is the fakes -looking beard I've ever seen in my life.

[1549] That's like Team America World Police.

[1550] Remember when the dude had to put out a fake...

[1551] Remember the puppet put the fake wig on?

[1552] Yeah, it didn't work very well.

[1553] They recognized me right away.

[1554] But I swear it's the voice.

[1555] But maybe it was the beard.

[1556] It's your neck.

[1557] It might have been the beard.

[1558] My neck?

[1559] You've got a girl's neck.

[1560] Two femme?

[1561] Yeah, you have a girl's neck.

[1562] There's no way you're a guy.

[1563] It's not even physically possible.

[1564] Are you sure about that?

[1565] 100%.

[1566] Yeah.

[1567] If I saw you, if you were like with the fake beard on your face...

[1568] You would know?

[1569] And then the neck, I'd be like, that's a little.

[1570] chick 100 % damn sorry sorry that's okay does some of those drag queens they could pass as a large woman that's why I brought a scarf what if I wear this oh okay to cover your neck yeah you need a hoodie or something like zip it up and put it over the top I think you're a young boy hoodies aren't fashion no hoodies are fashion some of them are right hoodies are fashion I like wearing them in my own time just don't want to be seen in public with that you wear hoodies on your own time yeah not in public oh why not because I'm dolly parton's goddaughter she would actually shame me to the end of the earth.

[1571] So are there rules if you're tight with Dolly?

[1572] Like I'm in here telling you about my ayahuasca trips.

[1573] This is all fine and dandy with Dolly.

[1574] Let's not even start talking about hoodies.

[1575] Oh, okay.

[1576] You know what I mean?

[1577] Dolly won't let you wear hoodies.

[1578] I mean, Dolly just, it's not Dolly approved.

[1579] This earth needs to be Dolly approved, I'm telling you.

[1580] Oh, my God.

[1581] That's so funny.

[1582] Dolly is everything.

[1583] Somebody had a funny tweet about Dolly Parton once.

[1584] They said, I just saw a picture of Dolly Parton.

[1585] she was young and she goes, and the tweet said, what the fuck did Jolene look like?

[1586] I want to know who this Jolene chick is.

[1587] Right.

[1588] She must have been ridiculous.

[1589] Jolene must have been a fucking 150.

[1590] I mean, there was no one more beautiful than Dolly.

[1591] She was about as hot as it gets.

[1592] And I love the way that she created like her identity too.

[1593] You know, she created her identity from the town whore that everyone made fun of.

[1594] And she was like, I was looking at him like, this is an entire brand.

[1595] I loved it.

[1596] And she goes, I just tried to recreate that.

[1597] That's hilarious.

[1598] Yeah.

[1599] And she also just was so nice.

[1600] Oh my God.

[1601] It just came through and everything she did.

[1602] It's like she was so likable.

[1603] Man, she brings merch everywhere, and she will get from the bottom to the top.

[1604] Whoever worked on that set today getting a dolly hat, you know, signed, getting donuts delivered.

[1605] Like, she's just as cool as it gets.

[1606] I mean, I do think that that's a big reason, too, that I've been able to.

[1607] Not even because she's going to be mad, but you just don't want to disappoint, Dolly.

[1608] Well, it's just you are very fortunate to be connected to this.

[1609] this like this lineage you know the fact that you know you're you're tight with dolly fucking parton like if you're a young country singer a man and you know willie nelson yeah holy shit yeah like you're tight with willie like you got to you got to cultivate that relationship that was kind of my dad with george jones that's who i grew up around my whole life like george was my dad's right hand i was really painful for him when he died because that was my dad's just steak in the grass you know yeah for sure yeah this there's something about that right like this old guard that like nurtures the young people coming up yeah and I really want to I want to be that person if I if I make it through the treacher's path we're going to make you know I think I think so if anybody's going to make it that's gone through what you've you've gone through the way you're looking at it is look it ain't easy kid but you can do it you can do it well I would want to be that way with the next artists and I still am like even from my position I never like to say or seem like I think I know something that a new artist doesn't, but I've been doing it now 15 years.

[1610] My show came out when I was 12.

[1611] I'm 27, going to be 28 in a month.

[1612] It's not even about whether or not you know something that they don't.

[1613] It's just what you know.

[1614] It's almost irrelevant what they don't know.

[1615] It's what you know.

[1616] And I just feel like it's kind of, you know, I never knew jealousy or competition through Dolly, through Joan, through Stevie.

[1617] That's why when I reach out to Stevie, she says like i know that this corona thing's going on but can we sit six feet apart in my backyard and talk i just want to be there for you so that she wrote last time you know and it's like going through what i'm kind of been going through over the last two years all these i think honestly some of the physical pain is growing pains you know like i feel like some of the growth that i've had stress stress and and and and quickly just stretching like beyond beyond you know and i just But just a lack of being stable, like in your mind and the tension, that stuff manifests itself in back injuries all the time.

[1618] People always have weird back pains that are related to just their life being all fucked up.

[1619] Yeah.

[1620] You just, you're always tense.

[1621] Yeah, I am.

[1622] I know.

[1623] Like my back cracks like crazy, everything, you know, down to when I'm asked what hurts.

[1624] I literally feel embarrassed to say from the end of my toe to the top of my head pretty much hurts a lot of the time.

[1625] But I'm working on that pain management, and I do like CBD.

[1626] CBD is awesome.

[1627] Yeah, I love CBD.

[1628] It's gigantic.

[1629] Love it.

[1630] Yeah, but for you, I can't say this enough.

[1631] You need rigorous exercise.

[1632] You need something, like, really hard.

[1633] So when it's done, you're fucking spent.

[1634] Yeah.

[1635] Just laying on the ground, can't breathe, puddle of sweat, that type of shit.

[1636] You need to exercise the demons.

[1637] I have a seven -month German Shepherd at home, so that seems like a good.

[1638] If anyone's going to put me, that's who's going to put me through it.

[1639] But you need someone.

[1640] to push you you need to you need to purge the demons you got demons yeah yeah they're in there 100 % but again like you don't want to you kind of hold on to them a little bit i know i like to use them to my advantage sometimes man there's something about the demons that come out in the music is i mean look that's always why the the great artist like the thing about robert johnson right they even thought he sold his soul to learn how to play blues the way he did and it's because it's there's the fucking life experience came out in his music yeah you need both of the you can't be some person who just lives in a fucking monastery and breeze in and breeze out all day and then put out amazing art yeah you have to have pain and life and stress and i think that's you know i guess one of our words we've used pretty consistently today is balance yeah i think that's pretty much got to be my mantra yeah well for you i mean you are you are born into this treacherous path you have this crazy position that you find yourself thrust into where you're very famous at a very early age and also there's also these weird expectations because you're famous for a disney show right which is even crazier and then post -disney show it's like oh she's erased by craziness and wild and you know being a provocateur and so now i feel like i'm breaking out of like another role in a way you know you're becoming just yourself instead of a rebellious person who's trying to escape the sort of the boundaries of your persona.

[1641] Yeah, well, that's why I wanted, you know, I have in my music video, I have me with the microphone, with the microphone stand.

[1642] And the reason why that was so important was like, I'm not just fucking getting naked anymore and swinging around this.

[1643] It's about the music comes first.

[1644] And I feel like I think people are very visual.

[1645] And if you can hold the fucking microphone in your hand and say, this is who I am, this comes first.

[1646] By the way, I don't come without this.

[1647] Like, at the VMAs, they try to get me to get rid of my microphone.

[1648] for something that I'm going to be doing.

[1649] And I said, fuck, no. Like, what do you think?

[1650] I can't be Britney Spears with a headset and the snake.

[1651] What's important?

[1652] I don't want the snake.

[1653] I don't want the gag.

[1654] You know, and there was actually even some comments that day about, it was just an interesting conversation in regards to lighting.

[1655] Because I've been kind of learning a lot, you know, from directors.

[1656] I didn't go to film school, but I have been put through that in that way.

[1657] So I directed the last video, and that's what I look forward to doing in the next 10 years.

[1658] I'd love to write and direct.

[1659] and you know kind of work on film in that way and so now I have a better understanding of cameras and lighting operation and so I was just asking some questions about not even on some diva shit like I only want to get shot from this side whatever I wanted the lights to be turned off and that the lighting of the of the room to be just lighting me so no key light no beauty light and beauty light and beauty light is always used on women and I said turn the fucking lights off you would never tell Travis Scott or Adam Levine that he couldn't turn the beauty light off I want this red lighting And they said, okay, okay, we'll do with, you know, just the same thing that we would do with the guys.

[1660] Because I was like, that's what I want.

[1661] And then something that I was doing, which I can't say, but something that I was doing for the VMAs, my bracelets kept getting caught and all the shit.

[1662] And they said, you know, you wanted to be treated like a guy and lit like a guy.

[1663] We wouldn't be dealing with this if a guy was doing it.

[1664] And I said, well, a guy wouldn't be doing this because a guy doesn't sell your show with sex the way that I'm going to.

[1665] And I, and I'm aware of that.

[1666] I know about one of the, I had these conversations with the directors.

[1667] I had these conversations with the directors talking to me. That's a ridiculous conversation.

[1668] It's a ridiculous conversation, also embarrassing.

[1669] Because just any, the conversation, once you see what happens on the show, you'll understand more.

[1670] If you see it.

[1671] But it might be hard not to, you know?

[1672] If you take walks like I do, you might see it, whether you want to or not.

[1673] If you take walks?

[1674] If you walk down the street and there's, I don't know, maybe people sell magazines.

[1675] I don't know about it in COVID time or you'll see it at some point.

[1676] And you guys can discuss it.

[1677] So, yes.

[1678] And so they're asking a lot of questions about that.

[1679] and, you know, like, well, how long is glam going to take and all the stuff?

[1680] And I was like, I mean, I can't really nail it enough, too.

[1681] It's like, I did come from the world of Dolly Parton.

[1682] And I love pop culture for entertainment and escapism.

[1683] And again, you know, we're joking about the hoodie conversation.

[1684] But I mean, like, you know, for me, I, there's nights where I don't do that.

[1685] You know, at Chris Cornell, I had on a pair of black pants in a fucking Chris Cornell t -shirt.

[1686] That's what it was.

[1687] Right.

[1688] The BMAs is a pop culture show, celebrating pop culture.

[1689] And I wanted to bring, especially in this time of, you know, COVID -19.

[1690] all these at home performances like I want to give my fans escapism good old pop culture this is surrealism how hard is it to deal with people that are directing you like that how hard is it to deal with like other people and their vision and they're talking and they're this and they're that when you're just trying to get out what's in your head and what your your vision is I get it done you get it done but I love the my two the balance that I found is firm and kind I don't lose my kindness but I also don't become a mat, but I am firm about what I want.

[1691] But in a way that, you know, you might expect someone might say, man, she was a diva.

[1692] She was a bitch.

[1693] But it's again, it's like, okay, like have the weekend come in here and say the same thing.

[1694] And you would say him, you know, or Kanye is like a creative God.

[1695] And it's like, come on.

[1696] Why am I not getting that I'm like, you know, a creative mastermind, but I'm becoming a bitch.

[1697] It's like no one would ever say that about Kanye West choosing what lighting he wants on a performance.

[1698] Yeah, it's such a delicate balance too, right?

[1699] Because when someone's as popular as you, like you kind of, you know what the fuck you want to do like and if this person who you're using as a director if you don't have a deep relationship with that that's why i started directing my own shit yeah um and that's why i loved making my last video so much in directing it was because one i thought about my scenes almost like a relationship you're having a relationship with it when it's over it's over the what's painful isn't the relationship it's that when it's done you holding on for that extra however long you try to make it work something that's not working that's what i did on the video and And that's what I hated when I was a kid, you know, from directors not knowing what they want and then getting frustrated with the child for not performing properly.

[1700] It's like, but you're not communicating.

[1701] And I'm a child and you're an adult and you're not communicating properly.

[1702] So you're working me into the ground to get something that you don't know what you want.

[1703] And that was always really frustrating in me. And I think that's why now a non -negotiable in my relationship or dating life is you better know what you want.

[1704] because I'm just not interested in taking another 10 years like I did with my first love figuring that out.

[1705] Now when you are doing these, like when you're putting together music, do you have anybody that, like if you're doing an album or you have a song, do you collaborate with people?

[1706] Would you write the songs entirely on your own and bring them to other musicians?

[1707] Like, how do you construct something?

[1708] It's been different.

[1709] So on bangers, which I kind of think my career as a solo artist, I guess kind of started there.

[1710] I mean, I mean, not really, when I started working, you know, on my very first record, and it was called Breakout, and it was because I was kind of breaking out of the character that I was in.

[1711] How long ago was this?

[1712] Like 2007, I guess, maybe something like that.

[1713] 13 years ago.

[1714] Holy shit.

[1715] 2007, yeah.

[1716] And I already had two records out already, but they were as Hannah Montana.

[1717] So you were 14.

[1718] I'm 27, yeah.

[1719] That's bananas.

[1720] Yeah.

[1721] Okay, so when you're on Hannah Montana.

[1722] And I had already had two albums that were like number one, I had done.

[1723] all the things and so then I had this like how much were you working pressure every single day every Sunday too Sunday every Sunday because I want to Jesus Christ Sunday because I wanted to all day I remember one time I came home and my dad almost didn't let me go back on the road because I was so thin and he was like what do you've been eating I'm like turkey cheese lasses you know and he's like who's taking care of you when you're on the road if it's not your dad my grandma my grandma my mom my mom my mom has been my like my mom is the reason I'm sitting here So your mom and your grandma would come with you on the road and you would just go town to town, arena to arena, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, eat, sleep, wake up, there you go.

[1724] Here's the mic, you look beautiful.

[1725] Go to school.

[1726] Oh, school.

[1727] School.

[1728] I did school in the morning.

[1729] What the fuck kind of school are you doing?

[1730] I had my teacher on the road with me who was like, was the best who I loved, love, love, love.

[1731] But no kids.

[1732] What do you mean?

[1733] No friends.

[1734] No other kids.

[1735] Just my little sister and my little brother.

[1736] How weird is that?

[1737] That was pretty weird.

[1738] It made me, it made me. It made.

[1739] made my sister's life a little difficult also because her idea of like success is completely blown out of proportion also.

[1740] Oh yeah.

[1741] It's all fucked up.

[1742] And my brother too.

[1743] But my brother is very simple and I love him so much and he'll probably be listening to this.

[1744] And my brother just has his chickens and his ducks and he's in Nashville and he's in, you know, small little place.

[1745] And he's living more.

[1746] I sometimes wonder if he's the smartest of us all.

[1747] I don't know.

[1748] Maybe he has less stress.

[1749] He has less stress.

[1750] Yeah.

[1751] That's the thing about stress though.

[1752] It's like But he's also a fucking badass talent But he just saves it He doesn't want to be on that level Like he wants to make music Because he loves it He wants the people that are interested In him to hear it He doesn't have the I gotta grind Tell I'm fucking Does he have some shit that's online right now He has some shit that's online right now What's his name?

[1753] Brazen Cyrus And how do you get Does he have an Instagram He has an Instagram He'll kill me But he has a Spotify He has a Spotify He has a song Yeah And he did Fallen And after he did Fallen And he's like, I don't think I want to do that ever again.

[1754] I'm like, what the fuck?

[1755] He's like, man, that was too scary.

[1756] No, thank you.

[1757] And he didn't.

[1758] I'm like, all right.

[1759] Good for him.

[1760] He had two shows.

[1761] One at City Walk Universal down the street.

[1762] And he said, no, someone said I was fat and my hair was ugly.

[1763] I'm like, you know, many times my I've been called fat and my hair is ugly.

[1764] And he's like, I'm not ready for that.

[1765] He didn't perform again.

[1766] Then he's like, I'm going to try it again.

[1767] Fallon.

[1768] I'm like, you're going to go from Universal City Walk to Fallon, whatever.

[1769] So I go there and I try to change his shirt.

[1770] And he's like, no, this is me. I'm wearing my flannel, you know, the whole thing.

[1771] So he goes out and kills it and he goes, uh -uh, not for me. Wow.

[1772] No. Well, you know, maybe growing up and seeing all the crazy shit that happened to you, it's almost like growing up around an alcoholic and never wanting to drink.

[1773] Exactly.

[1774] You can go one way or the other right.

[1775] You either become my little sister who kind of wants it, you know, and she's got a record out that I love called The End of Everything.

[1776] What's her name?

[1777] Noah Cyrus, and it's the most depressing EP you'll ever listen to.

[1778] She's 20 years old.

[1779] It's depressing?

[1780] She's emo.

[1781] She's like an emo kid.

[1782] Why don't she emo?

[1783] Maybe because she was on the road with you and didn't go to regular school.

[1784] She has a song where she says, my sister's like sunshine and it'll follow her wherever she goes, but I'm more like a rain cloud.

[1785] You know, it's like she's really got this idea of me. Maybe she needs to go to the doctor.

[1786] She is.

[1787] We're all at the doctor a lot.

[1788] We have like a salary doctor that just, we got to deal with that.

[1789] Yeah, she's dealing with it.

[1790] She's dealing with it.

[1791] She's only 20.

[1792] so I worry about it.

[1793] It's the hardest age for kids today, too.

[1794] It's so hard.

[1795] Dude, if you don't look like these girls on Instagram right now.

[1796] They don't even look like these girls.

[1797] You want to see something crazy?

[1798] Yeah, I do.

[1799] Look at my 10 -year -old did.

[1800] We were in a restaurant.

[1801] She took a picture of me. My 10 -year -old thinks it's fucking hilarious when she does this.

[1802] You know where it is, Jamie, right?

[1803] He'll put it up on the screen.

[1804] She took a picture of me, and she goes, let me take a picture of you.

[1805] Make a face.

[1806] I'm like just crazy kissy face.

[1807] And then she put it through this filter.

[1808] That's me. No. Yes.

[1809] That's not real.

[1810] That's real.

[1811] That's me. That's me through a filter.

[1812] Wait, that's not real.

[1813] Yeah, that's me. Are you fucking kidding me?

[1814] That's how bad these goddamn filters are.

[1815] What's wrong with your...

[1816] I don't know.

[1817] What's happening with her?

[1818] Okay.

[1819] So that's the original picture, right?

[1820] That's me and her at a restaurant.

[1821] And that's what it came...

[1822] And meanwhile, if you know my 10 -year -old, she's fucking hilarious.

[1823] She thinks it's so funny.

[1824] She's like...

[1825] That's not right.

[1826] That is how fucked up these goddamn filters are.

[1827] How did she do that?

[1828] It's just a filter on an app That's why these girls are so insecure Because they think all these people that they see online are perfect But every one of those bitches is using filters All of them all of them all of them And even people that I'm friends with that contacted me Like this is crazy I use filters but that's fucking crazy So I don't have a filter on my phone And I need to know though what your dog is using Like I don't even understand this technology You don't want it It's tricker it's witchcraft it's fucking trickery I don't I've never I couldn't believe that The only thing I have on my phone is where I can swipe on the Instagram story thingy and turn Paris.

[1829] You know where it kind of blurs out your pores or something.

[1830] That's all I got.

[1831] Don't even use that.

[1832] It's ridiculous.

[1833] It looks pretty good.

[1834] No, you look great.

[1835] You don't need that shit.

[1836] No, it makes you look like a cartoon.

[1837] It doesn't make it look really good.

[1838] I don't do any of the shit with like...

[1839] But girls want that.

[1840] They want like no flaws.

[1841] They want everything to be like cloudy.

[1842] No. That's basically what it does.

[1843] That's not good.

[1844] But that's not good.

[1845] I know.

[1846] I know.

[1847] There's so much unprogramming to do on me. It's so much on everybody.

[1848] There's not just you.

[1849] It's all these women out there that are, these unrealistic expectations.

[1850] Like, I'm sure you saw that Chloe Kardashian picture that looks nothing like her.

[1851] Where it, like, goes from, like, the hair lines, like, yeah.

[1852] Nonsense.

[1853] Yeah.

[1854] They used Photoshop on her.

[1855] I mean, it's like, CGI.

[1856] Yeah.

[1857] You might as well be looking at a monster movie.

[1858] Look, she turns into a werewolf.

[1859] It's not what, that's not who she is.

[1860] No, no. It's crazy.

[1861] I mean, and even, like, for me, I think, you know, in my real life, I don't wear any makeup.

[1862] I don't even like today someone asked me like what do you use on your hair and I'm like shampoo and conditioner like I don't do anything to my hair I don't really do anything and that's been really fucking tough for me over the last few months too because I don't know why I guess I think as that keeps happening like as these technology things keep happening on Instagram these filters keep getting better and better I'm compared to the people altering you know themselves either physically like with all these things you can do and lasers and all the shit or to the filters and I've had a really really hard time with that you know and I think um it's hard for me the other day you know I get papped walk around my neighborhood and like a really shitty dirty Fleetwood mac t -shirt that I've been in for five days and it hurts just don't go online just just detox from all that shit no Wi -Fi like B -ray just don't pay attention to all these other women that are doing these fucking wacky filters because that's where everybody gets fucked up it's the comparison thing there's a book called the coddling of the American mind by Jonathan Haidt and he talks about young girls and depression.

[1863] And it's gigantic uptick and depression that directly coincides with the invention of the iPhone.

[1864] And that as the iPhone came up and then pictures and then social media apps.

[1865] So at first it was a lot of it was social media and people being mean to each other on Twitter and all those things because you're not seeing each other.

[1866] There's no empathy.

[1867] I've listened a lot about this, about the iPhone kind of, I guess, mimicking right, Vegas slot machines and things.

[1868] Oh, yeah.

[1869] Like, there's actually, isn't it, I think it was called what I listened to is the slot machine in your pocket.

[1870] Yeah, well, it is a lot like that.

[1871] But the thing about it with women in particular, with young girls, is that they're comparing themselves to these cartoons, these people that aren't even really like that picture of me. You know, when I got sober, I had to delete all the apps on my phone where I could purchase things.

[1872] Like I had to take off Amazon and all the things on my phone because walking around with that slot machine in my pocket, all of a sudden I'm getting these bills and things.

[1873] and yes, I care about that and I want to live financially, responsibly, and all the things.

[1874] And I'm looking at this, I'm like, I don't even remember doing this.

[1875] Like, it's totally like being high on drugs.

[1876] It is.

[1877] And things started showing up, and you're like, what the hell?

[1878] It's too easy.

[1879] I'm in the middle of a book now about that.

[1880] It's called Irresistible.

[1881] I find that.

[1882] It's on my Instagram, too, Jamie.

[1883] Irresistible is this book that is about how people are addicted.

[1884] It's by Adam Alter.

[1885] and it's about how people are addicted to your phones and applications, but it also goes into just the actual physical aspect of addiction and how it works on the brain.

[1886] And how we always like to think of addiction as like it's something that you get hooked physically and you can't live without it.

[1887] No, it's something that you have a compulsion to use and you can't avoid that compulsion for some reason.

[1888] And it doesn't even necessarily have to be good.

[1889] No, and it's not a good feeling.

[1890] It can happen with things like love.

[1891] And I mean, I've even felt that too.

[1892] And it's like in the most stressful times in my life, it's like, okay, I can't reach for drugs anymore.

[1893] Okay, I don't want to reach for bad food.

[1894] All right, I'm going to reach for someone to love me. And it's like, you know, coming down from something all the time.

[1895] Well, the beginning part of love is the most powerful drug you're ever going to take.

[1896] It's like cocaine.

[1897] Yeah, it's dopamine.

[1898] Straight dopamine right to the fucking veins.

[1899] Dr. Eman has a book, Brain and Love.

[1900] And I read it a lot because I had a tendency to need someone in my life at all time.

[1901] And I actually now, I really love just factual information so you can go, I'm not a total freak that's got this a day.

[1902] I'm not a love addict.

[1903] This is actually what is happening to me on a level of this is uncontrollable of you can control how it affects you and what you're, I guess you kind of learn to control your reaction.

[1904] Exactly.

[1905] You can control your reaction.

[1906] But when you love someone, the first couple of months, you know, you do feel like you're high on drugs.

[1907] It is.

[1908] It is literally a drug.

[1909] It's the same drip.

[1910] It really is.

[1911] It's dopamine.

[1912] It's super powerful.

[1913] He writes how it kind of goes from like more like cocaine, which is kind of a quick hit and wears off really quickly so you need a lot of it.

[1914] And then it becomes more like, you know, kind of like heroin where it's something that almost sues you.

[1915] Actually, I called the love of mine who I was with and we got divorced.

[1916] It was almost like a pacifier.

[1917] Like it was that thing that I just needed not because we were in love anymore, but because of the comfort and because my brain said, oh, this feels better.

[1918] This is comforting.

[1919] But actually, knowing that I was just, was giving in to an addiction made me feel way worse I had the hangover next day okay we sleep together next day we wake up I'm totally hung over you know it felt like a relapse every time I go back well people do it to each other you know it's not even anybody's fault it's like you don't even realize that you're a part of this drug cycle yeah and then you get involved in that and then you find some new person and you get lit up yeah maybe some new person you see at the gym or at the office or wherever you meet people and you're like well what's funny about this is like you know I guess I just realized something about myself is all of a sudden it's like unavoidable you know I'm telling you this is not true so this is where I now retract what I've said because I need to I need to work on this a little bit so it's like okay it's so untrue for me to see all these bad things are in my face no matter what no matter what I want to look at or not I have a really hard time looking at the good things like when people send me the stats of my song I don't open it when people send me the charts of the views I don't open it because I don't want to get attached to success or numbers or mean that my art and Everyone said, literally, I'll show you the text of my manager.

[1920] He said, unless it's a drag queen, death dropping to her new single, don't even bother sending it to her because she's not going to open it.

[1921] I think that's good.

[1922] That's a sign of you avoiding narcissism.

[1923] But I wonder why I feel like I can avoid, I can't avoid the bad things and looking at them.

[1924] Like I'm maybe a little addiction of that, of looking at that.

[1925] But then why don't I want the hit of the positivity of, like, seeing the numbers?

[1926] Because you want to work hard.

[1927] Because you want things to be difficult.

[1928] When you see too much success, you don't want to.

[1929] slack off and get weak.

[1930] I have no idea how many people listen to my song.

[1931] I have the same thing.

[1932] Yeah, I can't.

[1933] I have the same thing with podcasts.

[1934] I have the same thing with comedy specials.

[1935] I don't read any of the reviews.

[1936] I just keep moving.

[1937] That's what I don't do it.

[1938] I always do that.

[1939] And everyone's like, you want to hear some stats.

[1940] I'm like, I literally, you can ask them, I say, I won't even know what it means.

[1941] Jamie will tell me some stats every now and then I'll just go, what the fuck.

[1942] I don't want to hear me anymore.

[1943] Yeah, it's, well, it gets nuts.

[1944] Yeah, I don't know what it means?

[1945] Yeah, what does it mean?

[1946] And a lot of the $7 billion, it's never good enough for me. Doesn't mean.

[1947] keep going.

[1948] I could do better.

[1949] Right.

[1950] Exactly.

[1951] Yeah, $3 million is not enough.

[1952] Well, I think that's a sign that you're looking at things the right way.

[1953] I really do.

[1954] Because I think that's a sign of you, you know, what you were talking about earlier.

[1955] You want to struggle.

[1956] You want to earn it.

[1957] You know?

[1958] And because you think that you kind of got these crazy gifts being famous at a young age and all this wealth and success at a young age.

[1959] You want to earn it.

[1960] So when you see success and the trappings of success or why.

[1961] following around in all of your fortune.

[1962] You don't want to do that.

[1963] You want to hustle.

[1964] You want to keep going.

[1965] I think that's a good sign.

[1966] I really do.

[1967] Yeah, yeah.

[1968] That's why, yeah, at some point, you know, you can bring your kids.

[1969] Maybe she can do that weird fucked up thing to my face, whatever.

[1970] You should come and see some of the animals, especially in you're in Nashville.

[1971] I think you'll totally get it.

[1972] I think you'll totally get if you're ever in Tennessee and you come out to the farm and you see the horses and you see the pigs, bite my ankles and all these things.

[1973] I'm sure.

[1974] I think I think you'll get a really good understanding of my life.

[1975] and who I am.

[1976] My last comedy special that I filmed Strange Times for Netflix and when I was, when I warm up for shows, I've done all the work.

[1977] I like to just put my brain in another place and I was listening to Malibu.

[1978] That's what I thought you're going to say.

[1979] All the people on the set were making fun of me. I could imagine.

[1980] My friend Anthony Giordano who also directs the UFC by the way.

[1981] Yeah, I couldn't imagine this.

[1982] He's a good friend of mine.

[1983] He's like, what are you listening to?

[1984] I go, Miley Cyrus.

[1985] And he's like, shut the fuck up.

[1986] I go, look, I go listen to it.

[1987] I put the headsets on them, and I had him listen to it.

[1988] But that song is so removed from anything in me or my life, and I love your voice.

[1989] Thank you.

[1990] So it's a little escape for me. That's cool.

[1991] So I'd be like dancing backstage, high as fuck, getting ready to go on stage, listening to your song.

[1992] Yeah.

[1993] Like just swaying back and forth.

[1994] That was the first song.

[1995] Well, no, because I had done Dead Pets.

[1996] Dead Pets was where I started writing, like, my music where, you know, you look at the list, it says, because what's funny, okay, so if you look at Stevie Nick songs, things have changed a lot in credits.

[1997] A lot of it says written by Stevie Nicks, and it doesn't says any other writers, but there are other writers because there's music that was written.

[1998] She didn't play every guitar part and every piano part, etc. Now it's changed in our credits and the way we do things, so actually you have to put written by for anyone that wrote anything musical on the song, so any guitar parts, all that shit.

[1999] So if you start looking at some of the dead pet stuff, it'll say written by and it'll say a group of people, but all the lyrics were written by me. me it's just any of the melodic stuff in the track is that all stuff that's new for for money purposes yeah I think the way that now streaming is kind of making things a little bit more difficult because you don't pay someone the way that you in record when a record sales they get their money whatever so that it's something to do with that it's very complex and they say that some of the best lawyers don't even understand quite what's going on the music industry right now because we're having such a change such a shift in the way that everything's happening from sales of records to streaming to videos to TikToks to TikTok is like a freaking label now.

[2000] What?

[2001] So they pay TikTokers to TikTok to your music because it counts of streams.

[2002] I don't even understand it.

[2003] I don't even understand it, but this is a thing.

[2004] TikTok is weird.

[2005] Do you pay attention to all that shit with it like the Chinese government owns it?

[2006] No. I mean, I know that that's a thing.

[2007] I also know that it was like, you know, this is the new way of the new label.

[2008] Basically labels pay TikTok to be able to have these kids doing it.

[2009] I don't know if I'm supposed to say it, but I fucking do.

[2010] So then I said it.

[2011] Please say it.

[2012] It's all I know is like, it's true.

[2013] So say it.

[2014] So they pay kids to TikTok to certain.

[2015] So say if you're a TikToker.

[2016] Like a big time TikToker.

[2017] Like there's like rich TikTokers that are like that from like millions.

[2018] I don't know about millions.

[2019] We have maybe a different idea of like richy rich.

[2020] But for kids living in a house here that there's TikTok agencies, yes.

[2021] TikTok agencies.

[2022] So they like Marcia, I see you TikToking.

[2023] It's like a black mirror.

[2024] I'm telling you.

[2025] It's like some fucked up black mirror shape.

[2026] Wow.

[2027] I didn't know that.

[2028] But the one thing that I told the kids that, you know, these kinds of kind of influencers, I've spoken to some of them before by doing some of this press they want me to play the song for them whatever and the one thing that I said that I like is like at least it's kids creating content for themselves because I used to have to go through all the middle men before, before I could put out a fucking video.

[2029] I had to ask, hey Gary Marsh at Disney is this okay, hey this person can I do this?

[2030] But now it's like shit, grab your phone, put it up, you're in control of your own destiny in a way.

[2031] You could, I mean, if you wanted to, you could set your phone up and just go live on YouTube and play an acoustic set and do whatever the And I love that about that.

[2032] I love that about today.

[2033] Yeah, me too.

[2034] It's amazing.

[2035] And yeah, so kind of to that point was when I was working on younger now, that was the first record I was going to put out that was for sale because I did SoundCloud with my Flaming Lips record.

[2036] So because I said, people don't want to hear me singing a song called bang my box about me, like, having sex out of lesbian strip club.

[2037] Well, then I'm not going to ask them to buy it.

[2038] I'm just going to give it to him as a gift.

[2039] And you're really, the worst thing they can do it a gift is throw it away or not open it.

[2040] Well, that's kind of a good thing of being in the position where you're in that you could call the shots.

[2041] Exactly.

[2042] And it's like, listen, okay, you're not going to make money off of it.

[2043] It's like, okay, that's fine.

[2044] I'm sure they're still selling a toothbrush somewhere that plays my fucking song and I'll get a dollar from that.

[2045] Are there any TikTokters out there to bang my box?

[2046] I don't think anyone's TikToking to bang my box.

[2047] Jamie, can you research that, please?

[2048] I honestly, I think everything on the internet's been done, but I don't think people TikTok to bang my box.

[2049] I would love to see a bunch of RuPaul's drag queens.

[2050] talking to bang my box i don't think it's happening it should my box is very very niche we can make that happen i feel like we can put that out there into the internet look it's not it's not there work now i'm trying to find a good version to show i'm trying to be quick about i'm scared well listen jami can find it if it's out there he has connections to the dark dark web that's i was wondering you got that hooked you got that hooked up here into the ground he's the best googler on the planet there's no one even close yes he's a one -handed best googleer to I know, look at this.

[2051] He Googles with one hand while he's working the camera with the other.

[2052] Oh, my God.

[2053] There we go.

[2054] Let me give me some volume.

[2055] Let me hear a little bit.

[2056] Look at this guy.

[2057] Woo!

[2058] So we got a dude.

[2059] Oh.

[2060] Okay.

[2061] There you go.

[2062] Look, this is how shit it is.

[2063] It's got two fucking likes.

[2064] Listen, for now it has two likes.

[2065] Now people know about it.

[2066] Now it'll have more.

[2067] No, he's an influencer.

[2068] I'll retweet that shit later.

[2069] Send that to me and I'll retweet it.

[2070] I want you to bang it.

[2071] my box.

[2072] But point being is that that was free and then getting to write younger now and writing Malibu, I wrote that in the back of the car on the way to go into the voice because I was looking outside the window in the car thinking like all of it's true.

[2073] Like I had never really gone to the beach.

[2074] The closest I ever really gotten was my parents taking me to Florida like one time and my sister got my toe caught in the revolving door and like I had to go to the hospital and it was a nightmare and my parents swore we're never going on vacation again but most parents say it don't mean it my parents fucking met it meant it we never went on vacation again That's crazy that you did all that work and you never went on vacation.

[2075] Well, I went on my own vacations.

[2076] We didn't go on a family vacation.

[2077] That song is so obviously written by you.

[2078] Yeah.

[2079] And that was one of the things that I think I liked about it.

[2080] That it was a, when you listen to someone saying a song, like a really good song, it's an expression of who they are at that point in time in their life.

[2081] And you can get wrapped up in their mind, you know, and I felt like that's why I like listening to other people.

[2082] I like listen to songs before I go on stage because it gets me out of my own head and it gets me into someone else.

[2083] head and then when it's time to go you know and they're like you're on in three okay and then i'll take the headphones off i'll do a shot i'll stretch out a little and then here we go that's me oh hell yeah that is that's me listening to your fucking song backstage yeah yeah legit i'm not lying that's nuts well it's an honor i played that when anthony was listening to it's like you fucking idiot what are you listening to that's fucking wild i never ever ever would have thought that never would have thought that i like it thank you i like your music thank you and i like you you're a good person thank you so much you too i enjoy talking to you I did too.

[2084] I'm glad we did this.

[2085] Agreed.

[2086] So you got something that's out right now.

[2087] Yeah.

[2088] What is it?

[2089] How do people get it?

[2090] Well, it's called Midnight Sky, and even just the title is kind of inspired by Debbie Harry's Heart of Glass, but I pulled inspiration from Edge of 17, two of my favorite songs.

[2091] Heart of Glass, the reason I love it so much is that the title isn't the repetition in the chorus.

[2092] It's just a cool thing to say.

[2093] It's not the chorus at all.

[2094] And so I thought, you know what?

[2095] My favorite part about it is I love the...

[2096] the kind of visual painting of midnight sky and what that means.

[2097] And the midnight sky to me is like, if you're really fucking partying, the moon is a disco ball and the stars are all the reflection of light on the ceiling.

[2098] And what I really like about the disco ball is that it's a bunch of broken pieces put back together again, that when you're finally enlightened, it makes this mesmerizing, totally attractive like people, it's like, you know, it's like the bugs to the light.

[2099] Like people love disco balls, but it's really just a bunch of broken pieces put together.

[2100] I felt like that was reflective of me. Wow.

[2101] Pretty deep to think about a disco ball.

[2102] That's heavy.

[2103] Yeah.

[2104] That's heavy.

[2105] But when I saw it, I thought, like, I recognize this.

[2106] This is what I feel like.

[2107] All right.

[2108] So that's it.

[2109] It's ended on that.

[2110] And it's everywhere.

[2111] It's on YouTube, streaming, and, yeah, it's everywhere.

[2112] And I'm naked in it, so hopefully people will watch it.

[2113] All right.

[2114] You're a bad motherfucker.

[2115] Thank you.

[2116] Thank you.

[2117] Thanks.

[2118] Bye, everybody.

[2119] Cool.

[2120] I like being in here.

[2121] This is...

[2122] Yeah.