#667 - Kurt Metzger

[0] Do we are here live with Kurt Medsker, the president of the Donald Trump fan club.

[1] And he's going to let us know about the campaign hopeful and exactly what's going to happen with Mr. Trump once he becomes president.

[2] Kurt?

[3] I'm all for Trump president.

[4] What do you say?

[5] It's going to be the biggest economic turnaround.

[6] He made some big promises.

[7] He got fired from NBC, man. Did you hear about that?

[8] He's suing.

[9] I'm going to sue.

[10] Donald Trump?

[11] He got fired.

[12] Oh, for his.

[13] Oh, his firing show.

[14] Yes.

[15] He got fired from the fire show.

[16] Oh, an ironic end for him.

[17] It is.

[18] He says he's going to sue, though.

[19] He'll have the last laugh.

[20] Why is he suing them?

[21] What are they firing for?

[22] Well, he made a bunch of disparaging comments about Mexicans, about people crossing the border.

[23] And it was, you know, he just was talking.

[24] He was talking like a rich guy with no sense whatsoever that he could be held accountable.

[25] I love that.

[26] I love that, yeah.

[27] I was like, I love him that plather where you just can't.

[28] Like lie and hide it, you got to let it out.

[29] But I never blame, like, the corporation, you know, that has to fire whoever for a thing.

[30] Like, that's what I expect them to do.

[31] It's a business.

[32] You know what I mean?

[33] Like, I would never put that on them if I got fired from something.

[34] I would like to sue them after that seems fucking a little crazy.

[35] I think he just sues anybody who gets in his way.

[36] He's a fucking steamroller, a steamroller of lawsuits.

[37] Does he win, though?

[38] I don't know.

[39] I mean, he has a rock solid contract is what TMZ said.

[40] So it's like that's why he's doing it.

[41] Okay, so they...

[42] And it's a beauty pageant, so they fired him from that, and then Mexico said that they won't put a woman in his beauty pageant.

[43] It's over.

[44] What is it?

[45] Miss Universe, is that?

[46] Miss Universe.

[47] So, uh, it's a rough week for a fucking multi -billionaire.

[48] They have Donald Trump.

[49] Are, like, going crazy, though, in Mexico.

[50] Everyone's beating, like, Donald Trump...

[51] Oh, that's hilarious.

[52] Yeah, they get mad, man. I don't, you know, that's not like, I guess someone at East Coast, it's not like a...

[53] thing like i don't i don't like any strong feelings about immigration like so i never know how to like i didn't colter on my show right and her she wants about her book audios america right about like the illegals are coming and i'm like i don't really have any i'm like well i don't give a sure if they come like why can't we go after their employers yeah why can't you why can't okay jane why why can't you yeah it's the the thing about mexico and the and california is that mexico you could just drive to.

[54] And a lot of people over from Mexico, you had a good point.

[55] There really isn't a place like that in East Coast, except for Cuba.

[56] Right.

[57] Cuba's got, you know, the Miami thing, or, you know, Miami and Cuba are right next door to each other.

[58] There's a lot of Cubans.

[59] Did you have friends or like, one of my best friends from college, this dude from Peru was telling me how Cuba's a utopia.

[60] That was his term.

[61] It is if you like 1950s cars.

[62] Yeah, I guess.

[63] Nobody's on a inner tube floating to Cuba.

[64] that I've ever heard of.

[65] That's just why I don't buy.

[66] Well, they have some good things, you know.

[67] They seem to be like really nice people.

[68] They have great sense of community and family.

[69] Have you ever been there?

[70] No. But I wish I could tell you why I may go.

[71] But I'll tell you off here.

[72] Sorry, folks.

[73] It's a secret.

[74] But what you see down there, for real, is like these incredibly restored old 1950s American cars.

[75] Oh, yeah?

[76] Because that was the last time they were getting cars.

[77] Oh, right, yeah.

[78] Look at all these cars.

[79] This is Cuba.

[80] Oh, I can finally film my 50s.

[81] Yeah, I mean, I don't know how they're doing this.

[82] You know, what they do with the bodies or how they make sure that these bodies stay restored.

[83] If they're remanufacturing them, I don't know how they're doing that.

[84] Like some old cars, they take like some old cars and then people will make new body parts for those old cars.

[85] The cars are made of people, Joe.

[86] Did you know?

[87] What?

[88] But look at this.

[89] This is Cuba.

[90] I mean, there's a few new cars in there one on the left -hand side, but there's a lot of this, man. That's cool.

[91] It's weird, right?

[92] And you said you're going for sex tourism?

[93] Shut the fuck up!

[94] Jesus, Kurt Metzger!

[95] I don't know how long...

[96] That looks fucking kind of cool, actually.

[97] How long have they been using these old cars?

[98] Like, that is older than the embargo, right?

[99] The embargo happened in the 60s.

[100] They really built them back then, you know?

[101] You know what I'm saying?

[102] So, like, these are really old cars, though.

[103] Like that up on top, I think that's a 57 or a 56 Chevy, that blue one to the middle.

[104] Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's a 50s, like a late 50s car.

[105] Like that taxi, it looks like at the Morkin Mini chair.

[106] That's a real tax, the egg, the Nanu Nano egg, 1952 Oldsmobile.

[107] Wow.

[108] So there are a few, like, see this is fairly modern cars in the background.

[109] It's a modern truck.

[110] But I guess you see a lot of these old cars.

[111] It's kind of wild, man. it's like a time machine you know if you go back there dick that's cool that one well they're all cool but they're driving them is like driving a living room they're retarded they're just the dumbest fucking the dumbest shape ever for like getting around I think that fucking fiat's a stupid shape that you know a commercial they always run of like the women want to fuck it and it's the dumbest it's shaped like de rose they have weird commercials commercials almost always involve fucking Remember the one time there was the kid in the back seat and all the bras and all the girls are getting changed in the front seat and all the bras and everything are flying on him and he's just sitting there.

[112] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[113] Yeah, you know, I fucking hate those commercials.

[114] For the same reason, you'd read like a feminist blog hating that commercial.

[115] Or for a different, like I hate it too, but I think they hate it for a reason different than my reason.

[116] Right.

[117] Like I'm insulted by it.

[118] They hate it because it's objectifying women.

[119] All women are just there to be sexual play things and throw their bra on.

[120] your face while they're driving.

[121] Yeah, I know the difference.

[122] Everybody really believes that that really changes you so much, like the little extraneous shit that you look at.

[123] Changes your perceptions.

[124] It bothers me because I resent the idea that I would just, oh, tits, okay, I'll buy a fiat.

[125] Oh, tits?

[126] Like, that's annoying to me that someone would think I was that dumb.

[127] But I don't understand the object.

[128] You know what's the worst objectification?

[129] Those fucking, like, top ten worst beach body lists.

[130] You've seen that shit?

[131] That ain't for men.

[132] Who's reading that?

[133] That's what my girlfriend.

[134] Like, which girl has the shittiest body?

[135] I would never even look at a list like that.

[136] Yeah.

[137] How is me?

[138] Like, the burger commercials, like, nicer, you know?

[139] Unless there's someone on there that you used to think was hot, then you might check out see how far the slide is gone.

[140] Like, ooh, you might look in a train wreck way.

[141] But, yeah, those things are for women.

[142] Yeah.

[143] But some women, it doesn't mean to define, like, it's like, if you're creating characters for fiction and the idea that you can't create a cunt you know you can't make a slut you can't make a girl who's all fucked up in the head well they exist in life okay and if you're making fiction your fiction doesn't necessarily have to represent anything other than what's in your head what's the wacky story you're trying to get out you don't have any obligation to use a certain amount of Asians you don't have any obligation to use a certain amount of white people or black people your obligation is to make something cool up make it up put it out of your head well it's look people are way about entertainment like that that's a very that when i was religious that was our well as jove's witness dude like every fucking thing i watched like smurfs was off limits for some fucking bullshit reason right they wouldn't let you watch the smurfs yeah i mean it's so what really but there's i don't know where there's some demonic thing with that and it's all this fucking and then uh i remember the sims somebody came in and gave a talk brother tucker his name was he was like the traveling overseer was his title all right and he would come and like give talks in the congregate i was in meetings like three nights a week So he gave his whole fucking talk about all this shit that would like how E .T. was bad because he healed the boy and like now who do we know is the only person who can heal?

[144] Oh like I might start believing E .T. is the real Jesus.

[145] That's the fear.

[146] Wow.

[147] And then the Simpsons had rebellion against authority with bar and disrespect of like your elders.

[148] So that's so I could hear the mothers.

[149] I'm not like my kid watch it.

[150] I could hear them chattering after that like that.

[151] Like that's what they.

[152] shit is now it's like what is what's the representation it's not propaganda some shit's just candy you know so we were talking about this before the podcast do you think that some like overtly upset pc people that what they're doing is almost like a form of like protecting the lord almost like a form of fighting against blasphemy that yeah i remember those people from my church i remember all of them that were like oh well you something like every little god do that they're just doing that same behavior.

[153] I believe that 100%.

[154] I think you're right.

[155] You don't know it's the exact same thing?

[156] Yeah.

[157] I don't even, listen, I don't even mind them.

[158] As long as you're not trying to get me fired, I don't, you can say whatever, you know, but if you want to criticize, I'm not against criticism.

[159] Right.

[160] Right.

[161] That's fine.

[162] Just, do I have to be fired?

[163] Just can we not do that part of it?

[164] Well, that, that is where you find out, like, exactly what kind of people they are.

[165] Like, what exactly they're trying to accomplish?

[166] Are they trying to engage in discourse with a reasonable person?

[167] You're a reasonable guy.

[168] You'll have conversations with people.

[169] But that's the thing.

[170] They want you instantly labeled as an unreasonable person who's not to be debated.

[171] Well, you shouldn't even have to bring it up.

[172] You should just know what the right thing is to do.

[173] Remember the anti -Sinfeld?

[174] Mm -hmm.

[175] Like, you know, Seinfeld, by the way, Chris Rock says the same thing, right?

[176] Yeah, of college.

[177] But he's allowed to.

[178] Yeah, there was not, and then Seinfeld comes out, and it's like, well, he's irrelevant in an old man, something.

[179] Which, by the way, that's like saying someone's fat.

[180] Yeah.

[181] Like, I don't see the difference there.

[182] It's an homonym.

[183] Right.

[184] I mean, it's diffusing his argument.

[185] And what he's saying is, you know, what Jerry Seinfeld was saying was that the colleges are two PC, and they'll call you on everything.

[186] Well, the thing with his daughter of these, they don't even know what the fuck these words mean and what constitutes that.

[187] Right.

[188] And that's exactly right.

[189] That's, I don't think that PC ruins comedy.

[190] Like, people who are funny are still funny.

[191] It kind of fucks up audiences, right?

[192] So we both, I have the same goal as one of these PC people.

[193] Like, I think people should be more sensitive to each other and all that shit, right?

[194] I do as well.

[195] But their system is not going to create that.

[196] It's just going to create fucking people that shut down at buzzwords.

[197] Right.

[198] So that's not helping.

[199] It's not accomplishing anything.

[200] It's also a game.

[201] There's a total that's being run.

[202] Yeah.

[203] On one side, people are trying to catch you for things they can catch you with.

[204] You know, it's just like what happens with cops.

[205] When you start giving cops the ability to start writing out tickets and you give them the ability to play this game.

[206] And this game is to try to get the bad guy.

[207] Right.

[208] You're involved in a game.

[209] Well, you're in a game with them, too, and their game is to get offended.

[210] Let me find some shit to get offended at.

[211] And then they find it, I got one, I fucking got one.

[212] And they get that one, they want to parade that one out.

[213] They want to publicly shame, though.

[214] Like that fucking lady on Game of Thrones.

[215] Shame.

[216] Shame.

[217] That's what they're doing.

[218] It's like talking to bill collectors, dude.

[219] They're like, watch, please don't swear, sir.

[220] Oh, I can't help you with you.

[221] I think I said, like, scumbag.

[222] about, it's unbelievable.

[223] Please watch your language, sir.

[224] It's like that.

[225] That's just an easy out.

[226] Yeah, that's a gross out.

[227] I like it.

[228] I could be reasoned with, so if somebody is an argument that talks me out of it, I'm not entrenched, do you understand?

[229] So just, if you're going to educate me, do it.

[230] I'll listen to you.

[231] You were involved in something like that.

[232] What was going on where someone was trying to fire you for something?

[233] From, yeah, there's a, what do you call it?

[234] Remember Sam Morell that it was like a, it was the great rape joke war of, 2012.

[235] Just a great rape joke war.

[236] Remember that whole fucking thing?

[237] Daniel Tosh thing?

[238] Yeah, so it was so Sam Morel, he used to have a joke he was having sex with a woman was making him really uncomfortable.

[239] Oh, he's out of sexist black woman and was making him really uncomfortable.

[240] She kept using the N -word and he goes, you know, no, right?

[241] So somebody wrote a whole article about that.

[242] So the joke's like, whatever, a throwaway joke, but there was a whole thing about how fucking terrible he is.

[243] So I did a thing with him where we said the person that wrote this article is not a real person, okay?

[244] And she was something we invented to make some point about free speech.

[245] And I had a couple people on Facebook say, like, oh, the jig is up.

[246] And so it spread pretty quick that she's not real, okay?

[247] And she got fucking furious from that.

[248] So she went through my whole Facebook, and, by the way, like, don't go on my Facebook.

[249] I can't say that enough to people.

[250] Like, I don't need you, and it's not good.

[251] And she went through every post she could find to just cut and paste shit out of context jokes clearly jokes made a collage out of it which was pretty awesome actually like it looked pretty cool and uh had this thing to get me but I wasn't gonna get fired but I had to have like I'd like call my have a call for my producer and shit I never even equated my job with any of this you know what I mean that was like well I'm dumb because I didn't realize that would spill over into my you know my day job well the fact that she's got the kind of time to do that to someone who criticizes her or makes like a little mock website.

[252] Well, she has borderline, she has a mental illness, like, she had to be committed for, which I didn't know.

[253] I wouldn't even made a joke.

[254] Like, that probably was like a beautiful mind for her.

[255] When I did that.

[256] If I knew she had that, I wouldn't have done that.

[257] Right.

[258] She had some wrong with her.

[259] So people with that, that disorder, borderline personality disorder, they take shit way harder than like...

[260] Regular folks.

[261] Yeah.

[262] So you did it in response for this guy getting raked over the cold for an obvious joke.

[263] I was actually jealous that he was getting attention.

[264] That's how stupid I am I was like I have been offensive Where's my thing So then I got my wish So you took it to the next level Yeah You create you So what was the What was the like the most heinous infraction That you You were guilty of For doing that Like what were the terms They use shit lord No but you know what It's called the The disturbing online trail Of Kurt Metzger Oh that's what it really Yeah That was the name of the article Online Trail It's like a real smear job, dude.

[265] But I mean, I was shocked how, like, smeary it was, where I'm like, wow, you really manage it.

[266] But I'd still, like, I'm kind of funny.

[267] Like, they still didn't, even in the effort to make it, like, bad.

[268] But it's the most unfair.

[269] I can't even believe the amount of, like, like, bullshit.

[270] So it's pretty easy to something to do it.

[271] And I think still to this day, I'll get random, like, people are angry at me. And it's, to this day from that.

[272] That's hilarious.

[273] Yeah.

[274] So it's like, it can affect something.

[275] I know.

[276] know it's affected me somehow, this bullshit fucking article.

[277] Only in good ways.

[278] Anybody that gets offended by that, you didn't want them in the first place.

[279] Anybody that can't see, you can't, like, read through that and go, wait, what's going on here?

[280] What is the whole story?

[281] Oh, they are mocking you, and they said you weren't a real person.

[282] Like, you were a parody account.

[283] And then you're angry.

[284] I don't know why that's so.

[285] Well, because people were putting up fake accounts of her all over the place, which I didn't tell anyone to do that.

[286] And by the way, I repeatedly, my fucking stupid fans, I can't ask them enough not to, like, get involved in a thing.

[287] You can't ask them to not get involved, because it's not your say.

[288] They want to get involved because it's fun for them.

[289] I don't need that in my fucking...

[290] But it's not you.

[291] It's them.

[292] But fine.

[293] I wash my hands of you doing anything.

[294] You may, but she invites that because what she's doing is online.

[295] This is a totally open arena.

[296] So, like, for you to say, like, to your friends, like, don't give her a hard time.

[297] Why is there a comment section?

[298] Why is there a comment section?

[299] If you're writing nonsense, why did you leave a comment section?

[300] Oh, you're going to heavily edit the comment section and chop out all relevant criticisms?

[301] Like, I would have, she's like somebody who would have had on my show if it hadn't gone to that.

[302] You know what I mean?

[303] Like, I don't want to alien eat to people.

[304] I want to get whoever I can to come on my goddamn podcast because I'm not into like, I'm not trying to like...

[305] What's it called, by the way?

[306] Race Wars.

[307] It's me and George Small.

[308] And we're going to serious pretty soon for four weeks for like a trial.

[309] It'll still be a podcast.

[310] But, yeah, we have, I'll have, like...

[311] iTunes is the whole deal?

[312] Yeah, yeah.

[313] It's a...

[314] Website?

[315] Yeah, SoundCloud and iTunes, you can get it on.

[316] Okay.

[317] And the last one we had, Anne Coulter, the managing editor at Jezebel.

[318] Jesus Christ.

[319] This girl, Carolyn Castiglia, who's a comic, who...

[320] Do you hate life?

[321] It was great.

[322] It was one of the best episodes.

[323] And I had a fucking slam poetry contest.

[324] Really?

[325] A slam poetry contest?

[326] Dude, you didn't see the fucking YouTube video of rape joke, the slam poetry finals?

[327] No, I missed it.

[328] Oh, it's brutal, dude.

[329] What is it?

[330] It's these two girls doing a, like, each one says the next line kind of slam poem.

[331] Uh -huh.

[332] Like, that they rehearsed.

[333] They're like, knock, knock, who's there?

[334] Rape joke.

[335] Wait a minute.

[336] What is this?

[337] Is it a pair?

[338] Your rape joke's not fucking funny.

[339] The crowd goes nuts.

[340] It's a, no, it's a real thing.

[341] It's like slain.

[342] If you go on Upworthy, that's what they love is like slam poetry.

[343] right it's a slam poem what is upworthy you've never been on that no seriously it's uh like things you're supposed to it seems familiar dude what is it like dig it's like uh here's like an upworthy title like this video of elephants getting married will blow your mind and then you see the like a little short clip or else it's like this this little transgendered girl explains it all what she said blew me away you know like those are all the headlines and you're not It's the shit on Facebook where, yeah, I hate that crap, where it says something like, you won't believe what happens next when this dog comes home from war.

[344] No, no, no, no. You don't understand, Brian.

[345] It's like super lefty, what he's saying.

[346] But this is, look, it reads like my old religious, Jovis Witness literature.

[347] But here's why they're wrong.

[348] You know, celebrate diversity, don't squash it.

[349] Here's why the president is wrong.

[350] Like those kind of questions, right?

[351] Or those kind of titles.

[352] That's a little more thoughtful than the titles, I would think.

[353] But there's like, you know, Kurt Metzger is evil and a problem.

[354] for America.

[355] Here's what's wrong with his comedy.

[356] That's too specific.

[357] No, they're misleading.

[358] It's always like, get ready to have your mind blown.

[359] Let's read some of their titles.

[360] Go on, yeah, going up.

[361] Pull that, pull that back.

[362] Yeah, it's like all the, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, I looked at one today where it was somebody, there's, scroll up to the top of the page.

[363] There's, like, probably a lot of parody sites of it, too, by now.

[364] Okay, how seven things that have nothing to do with rape perfectly illustrate the concept of consent.

[365] Wow.

[366] It's not going to perfectly illustrate.

[367] But how, how crazy is that the first thing they go to is rape.

[368] There's a little bit of rape obsession going on.

[369] I know it's an awful heinous crime, but God damn it comes up a lot.

[370] You know, I mean...

[371] Yeah, I don't think your...

[372] Awareness has to be raised more about it, but I don't know.

[373] I don't think this is anything wrong with raising awareness, but it seems to be there's like a massive focus on it.

[374] Well, you're not gonna...

[375] Look, law enforcement has to do their job with it, you know, you know all those rape kids they have backed up, like that's fucking a big problem with...

[376] Rape kids back.

[377] up.

[378] Yeah, like they haven't checked them.

[379] Yeah, like I...

[380] But the things you see now is this idea that just a little education is going to stop this.

[381] And you can educate men not to rape, but you're not a rapist.

[382] That's what they do.

[383] You're not going to educate them out of that.

[384] So that's why law enforcement is supposed to take care of that.

[385] Well, I mean...

[386] You don't have to tell me not to rape.

[387] I get it.

[388] That's a bad thing to do.

[389] I think for sure, there's something about society's attitudes towards it, that would make it more...

[390] Look at this.

[391] Instead of teaching women how to avoid rape, let's raise boys specifically not to rape.

[392] Hey, good luck with that.

[393] People that do that are like that.

[394] Pedophiles are like that.

[395] They just come out.

[396] You know what I mean?

[397] Well, I definitely think that growing up in a certain household, if your household is fucked up and your, you know, your dad is just a piece of shit towards women.

[398] And you see that, you grow up with that.

[399] But you're not going to change that with a cartoon.

[400] You're just not.

[401] There's nothing going to change that, but you've got to lock them up.

[402] There's nothing you can do, but lock them up.

[403] Well, the only way to do it, it makes any sense at all, would be to somehow or another raise better kids.

[404] You know, you'd have to, like, figure out how to engineer that.

[405] And that is not a small task by any stretch of the imagination.

[406] Maybe we could breathe that out.

[407] But I'm saying in the meantime, while we're working on that, which absolutely should happen, also watch you back, you know, until that problem's taken care of.

[408] Like, I shouldn't have to chain my bike up either, but that, you know, it could get stolen if I don't.

[409] This is seven things that have nothing to do with rape.

[410] Perfectly illustrate the concept of consent.

[411] It says, want to watch Pulp Fiction?

[412] Sure.

[413] The guy says, sure.

[414] Half hour later.

[415] I'm not really liking this.

[416] Let's do something else.

[417] And the guy puts his hand on him and says, no. You said you'd watch the movie, so you're staying until it's done.

[418] So he's going to fuck that guy, basically.

[419] No, it's like he's raping him by forcing him to watch a movie.

[420] Any guy that cares about whether or not you watch a movie is going to fuck you.

[421] He's just waiting for the drugs to take hold.

[422] That's double rape.

[423] He's double raping you.

[424] He's movie raping you and real raping you.

[425] Yeah.

[426] He's a rape, rape, rapist.

[427] These are all terrible.

[428] Thank you for letting me borrow your car.

[429] No problem the next week.

[430] What are you doing?

[431] Barring your car.

[432] You said I could.

[433] If anybody fucks you for a week, that guy should deserves a trophy, first of all.

[434] This is a terrible analogy.

[435] You can't take my car whatever you want it.

[436] That's bullshit.

[437] You said I could have it once.

[438] So I should be able to have it all the time Her car pussy, I get it It's car pussy, and for a week The dude's fucking her for a week That's what they're trying to get you think This guy is so virile I can't even read these I know, they're not even like entertaining off but They're hurting my brain It's just such odd Who is this message for?

[439] Exactly, who is the message for?

[440] You know, it's duh, it's all duh It's duh, don't rape, duh Don't be racist, duh Remember no more The fucking Law & Order commercial All the cast of Law & Order SVU.

[441] You know, no more sexual assault, which is a good call.

[442] They're going to stop it.

[443] Yeah, we're all for that.

[444] They're going to do it.

[445] Like, I'm not one of these guys that's for it, okay?

[446] So then, their slogans no more, which if there's one thing a rapist understands, it's the word no, so good work with that.

[447] And then they act like they can't even speak.

[448] Did you ever see that?

[449] It's all the actors from SVU, and they just go like, and they cut to the next one.

[450] And he's like, no, No, no. And they cut to Mariska Hargitay.

[451] Oh, God, no. She goes, can we stop?

[452] Can we just stop?

[453] And it says sexual assault is hard to talk about.

[454] Is it really?

[455] Cast of Law & Order, SVU.

[456] They're on a reap show for 16 years.

[457] They can't bring it up now.

[458] Their whole show's rap and murder.

[459] It's just the hammiest fucking shit.

[460] Yeah, they make money off a rape and murder on that show.

[461] That's all that show's about.

[462] That's porn for old people.

[463] That's who watches that shit.

[464] Old people don't fuck.

[465] They get all titillated by murder shows.

[466] Who's going to see that and just go, damn, I was going to go raping.

[467] I know, right?

[468] Shit.

[469] All right, Dan Floric.

[470] You got me, you fuck.

[471] Yeah, that didn't help one person, I bet.

[472] Not one single person.

[473] Of course not.

[474] None of that works.

[475] You can't just tell people to not do things.

[476] Well, you know, there should be an environment.

[477] Here's the thing you work on.

[478] If somebody got raped that they feel like they can report it.

[479] Like, that's what should make...

[480] Yes.

[481] That's the, whatever the attitude is to work on is the whole kid is every...

[482] Everybody's got to report it when it happens, which some people don't want.

[483] Yeah, but then, yeah.

[484] Oh, go ahead.

[485] No, go ahead.

[486] Well, remember, Killistine was on.

[487] This is the thing that drove me nuts when I want to come on the show was when he said rape's worse than murder.

[488] So that's not really helping a victim to tell them they're better off dead than that's not really very kind, Jamie.

[489] Do you understand?

[490] So that's how people don't report their rape because they'd want to be known as someone that something worse than murder happened to.

[491] Right?

[492] You know, no one ever stopped any sort of crime.

[493] by because of a slogan give a hoot don't pollute maybe you know maybe maybe only you could fight for as far you know maybe you stop some people with one of those cartoons yeah i think that could work don't rape hey pedophiles don't be an ape and please don't rape cut it out petos yeah cut the stop fucking kids here's off the boys let's call it what it is stop fucking kids they should have like a we should make like really forceful ads hey it's not cool to fuck you That would be a great ad Just three words Stop fucking kids That's the whole ad I don't care if it's controversial or not You gotta stop Yeah just stop I know you get a rise out of it You need a hobby Can't be Can't continue No more it was only one or two A year You know No more Imagine if you could find a kid That could keep his mouth shut What a gem Oh god Jesus You've been like Found one Yeah no more of that If you're a pedophile, it's got to be, the life of a pedophile is going to be the most heinous prison to find your mind trapped in.

[494] You know, do you think that's an orientation being a pedophile?

[495] I literally have zero idea.

[496] I, what I imagine is that, like, some people have schizophrenia, and some people, you know, they develop all sorts of weird mental disorders and multiple personality disorder.

[497] The human brain doesn't always work right.

[498] I heard schizophrenia is kind of just a catch -all.

[499] for a bunch of shit, you know?

[500] It's not even, I didn't realize how much psychology.

[501] You know, Scientology like bashes the shit out of, like, psychiatry.

[502] Like, they're not, like, psychiatry's got a lot of bullshit.

[503] I didn't realize compared to medicine, where it's not like they can't really diagnose shit for real.

[504] It's a lot of guesswork.

[505] Did you know that?

[506] Well, they, I know it in talking to people that have taken antidepressants.

[507] That's the black dick.

[508] That's the robot dick.

[509] Oh, yeah, sorry.

[510] Sucking out if you said that crackle sound.

[511] I hit my glass dick in here.

[512] But Neil Brennan was on the other day And he was talking about This is one thing that a lot of people May not know And I didn't know until I started talking The people that take them Folks who take SSRIs They don't know Why these things help people They really don't know Yeah, I know They don't know which one's gonna work on you And they give you a bunch of different ones You try this one out This doesn't work, give me another one They give you another one Ooh, I think we got it And you know you gotta figure out What the dosage is Like it's not an it's a weird science Does this sound right to you?

[513] I read this, I don't remember where I read this So it could be just horseship But, you know, people are supposed to get suicidal on those?

[514] Yes, on some of them.

[515] Yeah, because some of them, this could be wrong, but it sounded interesting to me. It kills anxiety, some of them, you know?

[516] You have a certain amount of anxiety and naturally about ending your life.

[517] That's just naturally there to keep you from doing that.

[518] Right.

[519] And some of these drugs, they even you out so much where you don't feel that fear.

[520] So if you really thought out your suicide pretty well, now you no longer have the fear of committing it.

[521] because you're calm so you're like oh yeah it's no big deal i just kill myself well that was the argument for school shooters and things along those lines i i used to believe that too but then i found out when people said like they're not all some some run zanics it's not all the same drug and that's like the very catch -all that's not what i was going to say is that they they don't feel anything like they feel it doesn't bother them like i had a friend was on zoloft and the way she described it was she's like nothing bothered me like nothing like my car could burst into flames whatever so so if you had a desire to kill someone for some reason it wouldn't fuck with you the same way it would if you weren't on something so the idea is so you get someone who's probably wired wrong anyway right for whatever reason trauma abuse genetics whatever the fucking reason is that someone can become like that Colorado school shooting guy but you put someone like that on certain medications and the way it interacts with your fucked up brain is it allows you to do heinous shit and not feel anything about it.

[522] I don't know, man. I don't know either.

[523] I mean, I guess it depends how much of that is just in you.

[524] Because I thought they calmed you down too.

[525] For some people, but they have a different effect on different.

[526] It's like those medicines that they give people for ADHD.

[527] If you took it, you'd be like I know, that's what happens when I do take it.

[528] Yeah, but if you give them to kids who have ADHD, apparently it calms them down.

[529] It's a strange way.

[530] They, like, crash or something.

[531] I don't fucking get it.

[532] You know, it's just fucking meth, man. Wow, it's a little different, but slightly.

[533] I love that we give kids Hitler pills now.

[534] By the way, did you, uh, see that thing about his, Hitler the junkie?

[535] What?

[536] History Channel.

[537] It was all about his doctor feel good.

[538] Oh, he had a doctor feel good.

[539] They didn't even know back then.

[540] People were taking meth.

[541] They thought it was like a vitamin.

[542] Yeah, he would get his vitus shot of meth.

[543] He probably had a lot of energy It makes sense if you think about it They used to give that to the fighter pilots apparently Yeah, the Germans came up with Well, the kamikazis take it They used to get dudes to fly their plane into ships And blow up Turn them into human torpedoes Apparently they were using crystal methadry That's amazing they could be that Like sure that they're guys like a god emperor To do that, you know?

[544] That balm really fucking Turn that idea around.

[545] Holy shit And they're like, oh.

[546] Yeah.

[547] That's not God.

[548] Yeah.

[549] There is no God.

[550] Yeah, that's a fucking...

[551] When you see the entire city evaporate.

[552] How about the one guy who escaped from Hiroshima and then went to Nagasaki and they dropped it on Nagasaki too?

[553] Oh, yeah.

[554] That's the fucking craziest.

[555] He made it out of both of them.

[556] I mean, can you imagine after that, you're like, you're never going to believe what happened.

[557] Could you imagine what?

[558] Imagine what it must have been like to see both of those cities get nailed to.

[559] What's the argument that maybe they didn't need to drop two?

[560] Like they could have maybe just dropped the one.

[561] They definitely could have dropped one.

[562] The actual argument, I think, we're talking about it yesterday, is that they might have not need to drop anything.

[563] Like, the Japanese might have already been trying to surrender.

[564] And we're like, hey, not yet.

[565] Oh, is that right?

[566] Got a thing we've got to do first.

[567] I don't know if that's true.

[568] You know, like, also I've heard that we knew that the Japanese were going to attack Pearl Harbor When we kind of let it happen, we pulled, I've heard that too.

[569] It's just always the same incompetence, dude.

[570] It's like, could be.

[571] I fucking.

[572] Or the Illuminati, Kurt.

[573] Oh, I get those fucking arguments all the time.

[574] Goddamn Illuminati.

[575] They're looking out right now.

[576] You're a puppet of them.

[577] Dude, if they want me to draw triangles on shit, I'm fucking so into it.

[578] Fame bites from the Illuminati?

[579] I'd be happy to serve.

[580] So they try to get you fired from this show, and it didn't work.

[581] Well, because I'm nobody, so they pick, she picked, like, if she maybe picked a famous dude, she could have made something happen, but she picked somebody, nobody fucking has heard of.

[582] Do you think that's what they're doing?

[583] They're just trying to get traction.

[584] Just a barnacle on to somebody else's shit.

[585] Mm -hmm.

[586] Right.

[587] There's a lot of that, right?

[588] But you get away with it, because it's a good cause.

[589] You get away with shitty behavior and shitty interaction skills.

[590] If someone's like, I'm geared towards, like, a lot of people like, all right, well, what's the, what's going to be the liberal or conservative position?

[591] And I'm identifies that, so I'm just going to go with that.

[592] I don't really have even time to think about it, you know, which you probably don't.

[593] And you just go with the liberal...

[594] Like, that's just what it is.

[595] It's just knee -jerk, whatever.

[596] Well, I think it's really interesting comparing it to religion, comparing the mindset, to cult mindset, or religion's mindset.

[597] These are things that have to be true, right?

[598] They just have specific things that are suddenly a gospel that must be true, and you must ignore all the fucking evidence to...

[599] That's what I used to do to not believe in evolution.

[600] Right.

[601] I would ignore the shit that's not Because there's no way what I believe can't be true.

[602] I'm familiar with that.

[603] Like this Rolling Stone article that came out where they were deceived by this woman who claimed to have been gang rape by a...

[604] Oh, right.

[605] Well, she set out to find how horrific.

[606] By the way, that's a real problem that didn't get served too well by...

[607] By someone making a fake story.

[608] Like the most outlandish story that I've ever heard.

[609] Yeah.

[610] But that's the thing.

[611] She set out to find because she knew it to be true.

[612] But, you know what, I don't get how, I was watching Vice.

[613] Did you see the Vice thing about it, about Columbia?

[614] They're talking about campus rape.

[615] Like, how come they, the school gets to deal with it at all?

[616] The only answer I heard was because convictions are hard to get in a court of law, and that might be the only way to, like, I guess, convict a rapist.

[617] But so what, he gets expelled?

[618] Like, that's, if someone raped you, that's a good enough punishment, they just get expelled from school.

[619] So is that really what happens?

[620] Like, they don't bring it to a criminal court?

[621] I, if somebody knows, telling me, because I have no idea to this day why all these institutions, church or whatever, why is there anything where they handle it in -house?

[622] I thought we all knew by now, molestations are handled outside, right?

[623] Like, that just makes more sense.

[624] That's interesting, because I didn't, I always knew that they were accusing people and they were expelling people and they were judging people, whether or not it was based on all the evidence or whether or not they were correct and they're assuming that this person was guilty.

[625] Like this guy in the University of Virginia, he kind of got really fucked over this.

[626] Now he's suing.

[627] Right.

[628] Yeah, but that's, okay, let's say he was guilty.

[629] That's justice.

[630] He got expelled for a rape?

[631] That's your fucking, like, how are you satisfied with that?

[632] Yeah, how could they be satisfied with that?

[633] Well, now he won't have a really good, he'll have to go to another different school.

[634] Like, what have you done to stop rape with that?

[635] Expelling people?

[636] Well, this is, what I'm talking about is, I'm getting my stories confused.

[637] I'm talking about the kid who, the kid who, the kid who, the kid who, is the kid who the girl is walking around the mattress.

[638] He's suing.

[639] He's suing for Ms. Andry.

[640] That was, I got confused.

[641] The other, the other story doesn't really have a real man that was accused of anything, right?

[642] No, the Rolling Stone, what you're talking about?

[643] Okay.

[644] I have no fucking footnotes.

[645] Sorry for any of this.

[646] But, uh, what I read was this girl was part of this anti -rape group and she had a crush on one of the guys in the anti -rape group, okay?

[647] Because the friend, Friends of her were saying, I don't know that, you know, we know something happened because she was hysterical.

[648] But she had been making up this fake guy who was texting, yeah, this girl's really super cool.

[649] At first, this guy started out as a guy to make the other boy think someone wanted her, right?

[650] And then it ended up where the guy that you heard George Glass from the Brady Bunch, basically, she made up a George Glass, right?

[651] Like, what's her name?

[652] The middle one on Brady Punch.

[653] Monica?

[654] No. No. Jan. Jan?

[655] Yeah, she did a Jan Brady.

[656] She's the older one.

[657] Yeah, her fake boyfriend.

[658] So then she comes and says, George Glass raped me and all that shit, and it was to get attention from this guy.

[659] Oh, God.

[660] She's like a weird chick, and she just got into it.

[661] And so, because they're inclined to automatically believe, they just are like, I don't know, but it was bothering them.

[662] And the chick that wrote it.

[663] It was bothering them.

[664] Yes, and this is an anti -rape group.

[665] They were like, I don't know if Jackie's, like, tell them the truth.

[666] Oh, God.

[667] Do you know what I mean?

[668] But listen, you got to look it up, so I promise you, I didn't dream it.

[669] Oh, God.

[670] Yeah, but there's just more, too.

[671] I just don't want any cut and dry.

[672] Everything, like, if somebody says about rape, the answer is, well, take it very seriously.

[673] It's not believe or don't believe.

[674] It's like, well, let's really investigate this because that's an important thing to get to the bottom of.

[675] And there's got to be, like, really strong punishment for someone who uses false rape accusations.

[676] I mean, there has fucking crazy.

[677] Are there in place?

[678] Well, then, you know, what kind of punishment do they do?

[679] Then the issue is, let's say, you know, you had to see.

[680] say let's say you had to say you didn't get you know you know the numbers for uh women who lie about rape that are used usually by feminist websites where they're like only like two percent or something is of women with that's a really bad number because that that's counting women who have gone to the police and recanted their accusation so you don't know if those women were being pressured to do that or it does it's not an accurate measure of like a liar's not going to go do that and say I was lying about it right so not your fucking real victims and and also like more liars are getting away right but here let's just look at what that what that is two out of a hundred if you look if you get right two percent is two out of a hundred that's not good odds well the real nobody knows is the real answer I'm just saying if you had a law to make it a really stiff penalty for when we lie about rape I always watch it with that because I don't want someone let's say a woman got pressured into saying she lied to get swept up under a law like that do you know what I mean That's why it gets a death penalty because I don't want one guy who didn't do it to get fucking ex -year.

[681] Well, what I'm trying to say is under their numbers, if you have 20 guys and each one of those guys has had sex with five women, two of them have been falsely accused of rape.

[682] That's crazy.

[683] I'm not good at math, but I believe you.

[684] That is crazy.

[685] I'm not terrible at math, too.

[686] Someone's probably out there screaming.

[687] That's not how the numbers work, you fuck.

[688] But it is how the numbers work, because we're talking about 100 people.

[689] Okay, if there's 100 dudes or 100 sexual cases.

[690] right they're talking about 2 % 2 % of these rape cases are falsely accused 2 % well listen man I don't know You'd have to actually have 100 rapes So I'm really not doing it right Because like You'd have to have 100 rapes It's not like 100 people Like had a very At a 2 % of sexual account Wow how good is this weed I'm smoking It's very suspicious to calculate It's terrible mathematics This is what's wrong with my idea But even then Okay let's say if there is a hundred cases that are brought in front of the cops, right?

[691] And out of a hundred of them, two of them are totally bullshit.

[692] That's a lot because they probably get how many a year.

[693] So how many a year are you dealing with where people are being falsely accused and locked in a cage?

[694] Is it as big of a deal as rape?

[695] Of course not.

[696] Of course not.

[697] Is it way worse that there's...

[698] It's probably way more actual rapes than false accused rapes.

[699] Probably way more, right?

[700] So rape is a way bigger issue than falsely accused rape.

[701] But it doesn't mean that falsely accusing someone to rape is okay.

[702] It's not like that.

[703] Who says that?

[704] That's a real fucking problem.

[705] Well, they try to underplay it.

[706] They try to make it out like it's not a big deal.

[707] The people that are really trying to stop rape should be most concerned with making sure that false rape accusations are punished.

[708] Because I make sure that you really highlight exactly what the actual problem is, the real problem.

[709] Wait, would you say be most concerned with that?

[710] I think be most concerned with the law enforcement of it, you know?

[711] But I let me ask you this, because I always, you know, one in four, that.

[712] That statistic seems very high, right?

[713] One in four.

[714] One and four of what?

[715] College age women are rape, supposedly.

[716] Is that what they're same?

[717] But isn't that?

[718] Well, listen, let me ask you, because in my personal life, I know a lot of people of both sexes who got sexually assaulted somehow.

[719] Like a lot, dude.

[720] Right.

[721] And, you know, part of that could be because I just hung out around drug people a lot.

[722] You know, that's how you meet people that got fucking sexually assaulted.

[723] Right.

[724] Or it could be that the people that aren't in the bad circle like that are just lying about it and pretending that.

[725] happen to them.

[726] So I don't know, like, maybe it is that high.

[727] It's just there's no way to really tell.

[728] Well, it all depends on what you consider sexual assault, and they sometimes try to make it as broad as possible.

[729] Like one of the, there's two really nutty, robot dick, there's two really nutty things that they, uh, they've tried to do recently.

[730] One of them was in New Jersey, they were trying to pass some law that made it where if there's any deception involved that led to someone having sex with you, then it's rape.

[731] I can't say I'm a big time producer anymore to get laid?

[732] Oh my God.

[733] I can't tell women I'm a foot doctor anymore.

[734] You'd be a rapist.

[735] You become a rapist.

[736] If that's the reason why the person had sex with you under false pretexts.

[737] Well, if the lie was, I don't have AIDS, then I get it.

[738] But other than that...

[739] Yeah.

[740] That's, yeah.

[741] But you know what it is, man?

[742] It's like everybody makes sex such a fucking big deal.

[743] That's a real part of the problem.

[744] Is that sex, what everybody wants, the idea of pleasure between people.

[745] And part of it is because we don't wear any clothes Because we wear clothes rather We cover everything up and then the idea of like getting at it Oh, it's underneath there I'm gonna get some And we make it out to be such a big deal And we we it becomes like this overwhelming Thing that like it sort of like Infects people's consciousness And we're fascinated by all aspects of it Whether it's whether it's whether it's rape or whether it's abstinence or whether it's you know monogamy or whether it's being a whore and it's like blah we're just obsessed obsessed with sex yeah well listen right that this how my girlfriend put it that uh reaps just like a very primal form of dominance and that's what uh what a gal yeah she's smart but that's what it is like my dog my poor fucking dog got like that's an animal fucking thing that's in mammals man yeah it's it really is it certainly is but the only way i think you're ever going to stop it the only way that really truly makes sense is you got to figure out how to engineer better human beings yeah obviously it's the only way it's the only way but how the fuck do you do that how can you stop someone for having a kid it's kind of getting like hopefully i don't think there's a if people survive that it won't kind of get more civilized so i think so too as long as everything keeps going and assuming it's not a fucking you know mad max thing that's what i'm saying yeah the preppers win did i was in south dakota this guy i was doing this place in south dakota of the something beach club it was actually a good show but the dude that booked me or like the manager of the club he drove us to mount rushmore and we were talking he was telling me that he's building a bunker and i was like dude like don't you already like live in a bunker called this south dakota right and he and it's for jesus reasons not red dawn reasons jesus reasons so he thinks the the second coming i mean we talk he's a real nice guy too we talk about real i just but i used to believe all that shit.

[746] Not the second coming, but the end times and Armageddon.

[747] And I don't know.

[748] There's nowhere does it say you're going to be able to have a bunker and fucking like bunker your way out of it.

[749] Well, you're going to use the information that God's provided you to make sure that your family would be the only ones that survive, much like Noah did.

[750] See, the internet is like the voice of God.

[751] Really?

[752] Tells you about the impending return of Jesus.

[753] It kills everybody.

[754] I'm surprised God wanted me to masturbate that much.

[755] But you know what's fucked.

[756] If you, if the Second coming, he's coming.

[757] That means Jesus is going to take you.

[758] He's going to take you up to heaven.

[759] He thinks maybe he won't, he thinks he won't be taken maybe, and he thinks like he'll have to, he's that bad that he'll probably have to hang out and go to heaven later.

[760] He's going to have to just fuck these people that he's got imprisoned in his bunker.

[761] Yeah.

[762] Duncan Trussell met one of those dudes.

[763] He went and visited this bomb shelter bunker thing under the, under a mountain somewhere.

[764] He drove deep into it.

[765] We did this sci -fi show where he drove deep.

[766] They have RVs down in there.

[767] They have air supplies, the rate, not like the band.

[768] Well, if you believe the fucking Bible, by the way, it says not even the mountains will hide any people.

[769] So don't bother with your bunker.

[770] Just read your fucking.

[771] But that guy was a prepper.

[772] He wasn't a Jesus bang.

[773] Oh, well, that's smarter.

[774] You grew up, Jehovah's Witnesses, are they the ones that not allowed to use doctors?

[775] No, that's Christian scientists.

[776] I'm not even sure what extent they're like that either, but that's not Joe's Witnesses, no. So what is the Jehovah's Witness is the one that knock on everybody doors?

[777] Yeah.

[778] And what was that religion like?

[779] They were probably the main doork.

[780] It was just fucking, uh...

[781] You grew up in it?

[782] It's a religion where you have to like do it.

[783] So it's not like being...

[784] Like, I would always envy Catholics because you don't have to fucking do it.

[785] Right, right.

[786] They had like a cool, like, I had to like be in it, you know?

[787] All the time.

[788] Yeah.

[789] That's your primary goal is to be ready for the end.

[790] Most people that call themselves Catholic fucking never go to church.

[791] Probably a big percentage.

[792] They didn't kick out Michael Corleone, right?

[793] Ever?

[794] They're like, you're a murderer.

[795] You have to leave.

[796] Jesus forgives you.

[797] He's just got to go to confession.

[798] Talk about all those people that you killed.

[799] It's a good system.

[800] I give a hand job once in a while for that and fucking.

[801] Did your parents grow up in it?

[802] No. My mom converted from Catholic when she was a teenager and my dad, my grandfather converted his family to my dad's family to my dad was like 12.

[803] Wow.

[804] Your grandfather.

[805] So the grandfather took the father and the father.

[806] the whole family, including your dad when he was already 12 years old, and said, come on, you're coming with me. I'm joining a cult.

[807] Yeah, well, my dad grew up really, my gravely built planes for World War II.

[808] Wow.

[809] He was a fucking smart dude, so he was an engineer, but he never went to college and he was very anti -war, I guess, or something at the end of the war, and he was like, Joe's Witnesses don't get involved in politics or a war.

[810] But anyway, you cannot be a Christian and fight a war.

[811] I don't know why people think you can, but you can't.

[812] It's pretty clear about it.

[813] People really believe of God gives a fuck about their country and it's it's so like in plain English well I mean it's an Aramaic but it's like it's a very clear teaching that he doesn't approve of any of the countries he's going to ruin all of them you just have to obey them until the end comes that's the extent of your obligation but you can't fight like drop a bomb on another Christian for America how could that fucking go over yeah and if America was dropping bombs like Hiroshima and Nagasaki they had to have a a couple of Christians down there.

[814] Of course they did.

[815] Had to.

[816] You think God forgives you for that?

[817] Like, more than, uh, because you saved whatever.

[818] Like, you didn't give a shit about your country.

[819] So how did you bail on it?

[820] I, uh, I started reading, uh, well, first of all, I was like an asshole.

[821] I was just like, didn't want to do it, you know, I had that in me of, like, what kind of school did you go to?

[822] Uh, I went to regular school.

[823] I wasn't, like, homeschooled.

[824] Some people do that in it.

[825] Right.

[826] But, you know, I didn't go to any sort of religious school, you know?

[827] Okay.

[828] So it wasn't that super restrictive for.

[829] me so it depends your parents were was it you going to school and talking to other kids that so did you led you off the path of god no more it was uh i went to college oh pussy i went to honest it was yeah it was but the seeds i already been reading like kind of skeptic shit on my lunch breaks at the whiz i would buy these magazines at barns the nobles that would call skeptic so that was like a little foundation of it and then pussy later when i got to college wow i got pussyed right out of that So, both things are good.

[830] The reading was good, and then the pussy was good.

[831] What is it like being like 1920 going, what the fuck did I think?

[832] Oh, I felt really guilty, dude.

[833] That's one of the reasons why you're probably good friends with Ari.

[834] Yeah, I got along with him immediately.

[835] You guys have the exact same story.

[836] Yeah, well, I was like a minister.

[837] Wow.

[838] And he was supposed to be like a rabbi, right?

[839] Dude, Ari lived in one of those crazy religious houses in Israel for a long time and was How many years?

[840] I don't remember.

[841] He talks.

[842] I don't always listen.

[843] But the, I just don't remember.

[844] He definitely mumbles a lot.

[845] It's hard to catch everything.

[846] You got to go, wait, what?

[847] You lived in a what?

[848] Say that again, clout.

[849] What is that word?

[850] But, you know, he was studying the Torah like 10 hours a day, like all day.

[851] They would study the Torah.

[852] And he was full gung -ho.

[853] And then, you know, by the time, when I met him, it was only like a few years after this, which is really crazy.

[854] And then I look back and think about it.

[855] Like, he was not, when he was first coming around to the comedy store, he was not that far removed from living in this crazy religious commune in Israel.

[856] And by the way, you know, I'll tell you out, nine -tenths of the problems, especially with this rape shit, a lot of this horrible stuff about how to be victims get treated is straight out of the good book.

[857] I mean, that's like a huge.

[858] Did you ever remember the story of Dinah?

[859] Did you have to study Bible shit when you're younger?

[860] I only studied it in first grade.

[861] First grade was the only year that I went to Catholic school.

[862] Yeah.

[863] And then second grade, I went to San Francisco.

[864] So it was first grade and then second grade was like super hippies and gay people living next door.

[865] Like I went from one extreme to a total difference.

[866] Yeah, Sodom Gimorah, right?

[867] So I don't remember any of the biblical stories unless I looked them up as an adult.

[868] I had my book of Bible stories, which I looked back at.

[869] The lessons are hilarious that weren't there.

[870] So like Abraham's daughter, Dinah, or maybe Dina, I don't know how to pronounce these names.

[871] right but uh she was uh she made friends with like worldly girls you know from the city that weren't her same religion right and she'd go hang out in the city and then this guy shechem saw her and forced her to lie down with him like she know she got raped but who he might have held her hand it's like ancient fucking you know bronze age jewish i don't know so he might have held her hand so then he falls in love with her might have been a microaggression he falls yeah he falls in love with her after he raves her and goes to abraham and says let me marry her you know which Preserver Honor.

[872] Abraham's like, okay, fine.

[873] But your whole household has to get circumcised first.

[874] And then you can marry, he goes, fine.

[875] We'll all get our dick snips.

[876] Okay, so while they are recovering from getting their dick snipped, Dina's brothers are enraged by this.

[877] Like, what was their sister, a whore?

[878] And they go and kill everyone in Shackham's household, like his whole family while they're laid up from their dicks getting cut.

[879] And then Abraham's like, what did you just do to us?

[880] Now people are going to hate us around the world.

[881] It's like, of those things about how Jews are going to be in trouble now because something you did.

[882] And he goes, now people will be hated wherever we go because of this thing you have done.

[883] And, yeah, so the lesson that you get from it in my book of Bible stories, like, all of this happened because Dina chose poor associates.

[884] They put it all on her for going out.

[885] That's the lesson of the story.

[886] This dumb bitch should stay home.

[887] So that's getting torn out of the fucking Bible.

[888] And so, listen, that's why I always hear like patriarchy.

[889] I'm against that shit, too.

[890] That ancient biblily patriarchy shit?

[891] I'm not for that.

[892] I'm kind of like would be 90 % with a lot of this shit if they didn't have such a thought crimes unit.

[893] Exactly.

[894] That's the thing about this whole social justice warrior movement is that in looking for people that have been guilty of these transgressions, they've missed a lot of allies.

[895] They've missed people.

[896] They're on their side, like you, like me, like a lot of people.

[897] And they're trying to make assholes out of people.

[898] And they're doing it the vast majority of the people that are involved in this like really aggressive social justice warrior shit They're fucking depressed man. They're really depressed people.

[899] You'll go through their timeline.

[900] It's almost without fail when I read some really ridiculous over the top hyper aggressive social justice warrior shit.

[901] I'll go to their fucking their Twitter profile and I'll find some depressed shit.

[902] I'll find some tweets about depression.

[903] I'll find some tweets about you know how how you know everything sucks today.

[904] I see what you What's going on?

[905] You're lashing out at the world through a legitimate cause.

[906] Well, don't take your personal thing, right, and say, like, I'm every woman.

[907] No, you're not.

[908] But see, if you can find enough of those people and you get together, then you feel like you're all right, because you're around a bunch of other fuckheads.

[909] You don't even need that many.

[910] You don't need that.

[911] That Catholic guy, what's his name, Michael Donahue?

[912] It's just him and like his cousin or something.

[913] Right.

[914] Or the league.

[915] Like, it doesn't take that much.

[916] But it used to be, remember, it was.

[917] church crazies that would write these letters yeah like please take something off the air and now it's fucking uh yeah it's like young college kids that's insane well it's yeah they literally is taking the exact same position that that fucking michael whatever the fuck is named guy is i i've heard that guy talk on opian anthony before the catholic league guy oh yeah i've heard that guy talk on opian anthony defend catholicism it's like what are you talking about like how are you what do you're you're mad at someone making fun of catholicism it's what of the most easily made fun of religions of all time.

[918] But, dude, I asked him this on that show.

[919] I'm like, because I was a Christian, I'm like, you know, you're supposed to rejoice when you are persecuted, right?

[920] That's what Christ said.

[921] They're going to persecute you like they did me, so rejoice.

[922] So you're supposed to be happy about it because it means you're doing the right thing.

[923] And that's, you're not supposed to go, how dare you, you're a Christian.

[924] Christians turn the other cheek.

[925] You don't fucking.

[926] So what did he say to that?

[927] He just kind of ignored it.

[928] I don't think it's about that for him.

[929] It's about publicity.

[930] It's, yeah, it's publicity and being part of a club.

[931] It's just all football team shit, everybody does.

[932] And endorsements, I mean, because they really get paid a lot of money by other Catholics who want to support Catholicism.

[933] I have a friend who's a Catholic, and he's got a lot of money, and he's fucking crazy as shit.

[934] And he has a priest come over his house.

[935] When he buys a new house, a priest comes over and does, like, a fucking whole seance and shit or something.

[936] I mean, they have some sort of a thing they do.

[937] I don't know what the fuck they call.

[938] It's voodoo.

[939] It's all voodoo.

[940] No, I'm real Catholic.

[941] He gives 10 % of his money to church.

[942] It's like, the whole thing's a disaster.

[943] Yeah, and they have them involved in all sorts of church projects, and they're just sucking money out of this dude.

[944] It's a goddamn cult.

[945] It's a hundred percent cult.

[946] Well, here's how I judge them.

[947] All the religions is how much is it cost, okay?

[948] Yeah.

[949] And then does God do his own killing, or do I have to do his killing?

[950] Yeah.

[951] And then my personal thing is if I have to stay in it more for my mom or my dad.

[952] Like my religion, my mom was the reason I had to stay for a while more than my dad.

[953] But if I was from, like, a harsher place, it would be like your father.

[954] honor you can't leave because you're that's like a more primitive that's how you know it's kind of primitive but if it doesn't cost that much then fine and if i'm not there's no violence once you take the violence part out of it like nationalism or uh whatever it's a lot less threatening you know it's it's more voluntary now the the kind of shitty thing is that they will stop talking to you if you leave right so you have to face you know being shunned or something i was this fellowshiped right so that means like a lot of my former people friends can't talk to me or they would be in trouble for talking to win a posthate.

[955] You were fellowshiped?

[956] Disfellowshiped.

[957] Disfellowship.

[958] Yeah, it's like a disconnection in Scientology.

[959] Wow.

[960] Except it's not as harsh as, you know, like I still speak to my mom.

[961] Like, it's not like...

[962] Is she mad at you?

[963] Not now.

[964] No, not now.

[965] She was mad initially.

[966] Does she ever listen to reason that it might be hoarse?

[967] Yeah, but I don't want to fucking talk her out of her shit.

[968] Really?

[969] First of all, that judge has taken up a lot.

[970] of slack of hanging out with my mom and listen to her shit.

[971] Okay?

[972] God bless then.

[973] I want to lose that.

[974] I got to pick up.

[975] How was the soup I said?

[976] I don't want to have those calls.

[977] Oh, Christ.

[978] Yeah.

[979] I'm going to save you some $2 bills.

[980] Like weirdo mom shit.

[981] She called me up that she told me up that she told me she had a hotel and was going to send me and my girlfriend had these jelly beans in a bowl.

[982] She's like, what's your address?

[983] I'm going to send you some jelly beans from this fucking bowl in the hotel lobby.

[984] That's hilarious.

[985] Yeah.

[986] That's hilarious.

[987] So you bailed, you can't talk to them anymore, and what was the process?

[988] Did you have to fill out paperwork, or do you say, I just stopped going, but I think my mom wanted me to write a letter.

[989] I'm like, I don't owe an explanation.

[990] Like a letter to the church saying this is what, wow.

[991] But I'm like, I don't owe that.

[992] I put in my time of being bored of that fucking church.

[993] I don't owe them all the letter.

[994] Don't notice I'm gone.

[995] How old were you when you wrapped it up?

[996] Uh, 19.

[997] Wow.

[998] Oh, no, wait, maybe I was, uh, 20 that's a good time though that 19 20 times just becoming a man basically becoming a man like you're on the door you're at the door 21 you're like officially man oh this guy declawed you know before i had to go live in the world yeah it's you know they teach you to not be worldly that's what you're learning to be and how so like you be as babes unto the world like uh paul said you have to be you know like when you see people that just came out of a cult there's a certain kind of innocence to them so when i came out it was always like these kind of real slutty girls that would fuck me like real experienced girls and that was my appeal to them was kind of my fucking foster kid shot you know that makes sense like I was with a lot of like kind of either like a stripper or like some kind of sex worker where we were like foster kids together kind of vibe you know what I mean like you took care of each other because you both fucked up.

[999] Yeah like they would treat me like not a John they treat me like the like the weird uh James James Woods from casino that for some reason they can never get away from this loser Oh, that's right.

[1000] Yeah, I didn't make any money for the whole fucking...

[1001] I just had girlfriends that I had to just, like, live off of.

[1002] It was not good.

[1003] So this is when you first got out of the church?

[1004] When I first, yeah, I got to New York.

[1005] And when did you start doing stand -up?

[1006] In college.

[1007] So you went from the church to living in New York with Strip -Bers?

[1008] First, I was in Philly.

[1009] Okay.

[1010] No, well, my girlfriend at the time in college.

[1011] Okay.

[1012] But she's a stripline matter, and then she became, like, a comic.

[1013] And then, but I was with her for, like, maybe, like, six years.

[1014] But we were engaged But I didn't have a job And I like refused to get a job The whole time I was just a piece of shit dude Yeah Wow So I'm like I'm a comic Well You just said you were comic That's it Yeah How many years Had you been doing it then?

[1015] Not enough to do any of that A year, two years?

[1016] No like me like three or four years Three or four but you just weren't making any money yet And then I ended up with this girl Who was older than me And made kind of good money And she liked it better When I didn't have money When I started to get more shit That put a strain because she got really upset.

[1017] She didn't want me to be out of that kind of control zone.

[1018] Yeah, I dated a girl once, and we broke up, and she dated this guy, and she was very specific about why she was with him.

[1019] And I go, why?

[1020] She goes, he's never going to fucking break up with me. And I was like, really?

[1021] She goes, yeah, I mean, he's great and all.

[1022] I like him, but I'm better looking than he is.

[1023] She was, like, really adamant about it.

[1024] So fucking weird, man. I was like, that's, you engineered the control position in your relationship.

[1025] You're tired of not being in control in relationships, tired of them in leaving you or what have you.

[1026] And you're like, this is it.

[1027] But she would get drunk and want to fuck all her ex -boyfriends.

[1028] She was just a maniac, which is always how that goes.

[1029] That's why people, like, one thing about my girlfriend now, like, I really, it kind of upped my fucking who I am a little bit because now I would never be in another bullshit, like, psycho relationship.

[1030] Like, I'm just not going to settle for that.

[1031] Right.

[1032] I'll be fucking alone.

[1033] I don't give a shit.

[1034] Like, so that kind of taught me to, because I met somebody that, like, I really got along with that I thought was like, you know, like, I don't know, just got me. So I was like, oh, I don't have to be in these things anymore.

[1035] Right.

[1036] Because I have so low self -esteem that I'm like, well, this person wants to fuck me and stay with me. Yeah, I shouldn't stay with them.

[1037] It becomes one of those things where sometimes you don't even know who you are if you're in a bad relationship.

[1038] Because the way you're reacting to this person is part of who you are.

[1039] No, it makes you a different fucking person.

[1040] Yeah.

[1041] Yeah.

[1042] If you're in a good relationship and you realize, like, oh, wow, these are possible.

[1043] But until you get in one, like, some people go through their entire life, birth to death without hitting gold, they chip away at that fucking...

[1044] You're digging into another Chibichu?

[1045] You're a bold man. Well, I only had a quarter of a four.

[1046] You're a very, very bold man. That's pretty good.

[1047] Now, do you feel sad when you go back home?

[1048] Home to where?

[1049] My mom's house?

[1050] No, back home to New York, where you don't have to...

[1051] You can't get your weed that easy.

[1052] Oh, my God, dude.

[1053] Ari Shafir tells me it's a nightmare.

[1054] I think God Ari sometimes has something.

[1055] I wish I could get shit like this there.

[1056] Yeah, I'd hide like an animal to smoke weed.

[1057] Yeah, you do have to hide like an animal, right?

[1058] In Seattle, I was smoking in front of a cop.

[1059] Like this ridiculous glass, like a wizard pipe.

[1060] Every of that good day, officer.

[1061] It was so relaxing.

[1062] It was a pipe you would never bring outside.

[1063] I wonder when that's going to be the entire country.

[1064] Because like in New Orleans, apparently, you could just drink on the street.

[1065] We had a driver in New Orleans.

[1066] He was telling me once he was outside of New Orleans, he was doing something, and he was talking to the cop.

[1067] And the cop was asking him a question, and he had a beer in his hand.

[1068] And he was just talking to him, and he didn't realize the cop was talking to him because he had a beer in his hand.

[1069] So he finishes the beer, and then he cracks open a second one.

[1070] The cop goes, are you fucking retarded?

[1071] Like, what do you do?

[1072] And the cop goes, where are you from?

[1073] And he goes, New Orleans.

[1074] And he's like, oh, okay.

[1075] Listen, dude, you can't do that shit in other places.

[1076] Like, this is the only place where you could do that.

[1077] What else happened to this definitely white man?

[1078] Nothing.

[1079] Not even a slap on the wrist.

[1080] They told him to put his beer back in the bag.

[1081] And the kindly officer asked him to cool it a little bit.

[1082] But you get used to that.

[1083] And, you know, if you did what you did in Seattle in some parts of the country, they would fuck you over, man. They would put you in a cage.

[1084] If you were in parts of Georgia, they'll fuck you.

[1085] I know.

[1086] They're not cool about it in Georgia.

[1087] Is there any places that have open?

[1088] container laws because I remember growing up there was like people were like oh you're allowed to drink if you're not driving like you could have it like in the back seat and then I went to another place and did that and got in trouble for having an open container and they're like no you can't do that yeah there's well they used to it used to be okay everywhere people used to like literally have a beer in their lap and they drove around and so many people were crashed into each or they go okay you can't have a fucking container I look how long that took to fix that too to put it together that was normal shit man what do you mean I can't drink while I'm driving Yeah, literally that was normal shit a long time ago.

[1089] In like 70s, right?

[1090] That changed in like the 70s.

[1091] I don't know when they started incorporating drunk driving laws, and I don't know.

[1092] Because a bunch of people got killed and they didn't really have a strong...

[1093] No, I'm not saying I don't know why.

[1094] I said I don't know when.

[1095] Oh, when.

[1096] And I wonder what they did.

[1097] At first, I guess, it was just testing your movement.

[1098] And then they figured out breathalizers and then they, you know, moved on from there.

[1099] I don't know.

[1100] I can't stand fucking drunks.

[1101] Like, it's so annoying to deal with, like, Because I don't really drink that much, dude I'm more of just like a potterham Yeah drunk is the worst As far as like people I mean pot hats can absolutely be annoying But sure They're not as violent and intrusive and retarded Well intrusive That's the big one The stating real close to you Oh God When you're out somewhere And a drunk person just interrupts a conversation Just gets in your face Start talking at you and you're like Oh God Yeah And if you try to avoid them You're the asshole Yeah I tell you That's my least favorite It's the worst drug.

[1102] It's the worst drug.

[1103] It's one of the worst drugs.

[1104] But it's fun if you can manage it.

[1105] If you can handle it correctly.

[1106] I mean, get an eight ball at least and even out like a gentleman.

[1107] Like a gentleman.

[1108] Get an eight ball and even out like a gentleman.

[1109] If you're going to get that drunk, at least, you know, can even out like a gentleman.

[1110] Pull yourself up by your bootstraps with a...

[1111] I had a buddy used to do a lot of Coke, and he was to always drink 40s after he did coke.

[1112] Like you smoked it, and then he would, he would like, his heart would be like...

[1113] Oh.

[1114] I used to have to take him to the liquor store.

[1115] they buy like old english you remember those bags of you get a fucking 40 ounce of old english you ever try that stuff yeah yeah it's unbelievably strong yeah like you know what it's they call malt liquor because it's not really beer right is that the idea i don't know is that what it is i think it is beer but i think it's just made different it's made uh stronger stronger okay how what do you think the alcohol by volume is unlike malt liquor well what is what is a bud like a bud wise or like seven I have no idea well it's different in America than it is in Canada in Canada's like 9 % I think of the US it's like 7 % but what percentage is malt liquor did you hear what happens when you ask Siri what zero divided by zero is no no what happens Siri what's zero divided by zero imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends How many cookies does each person get?

[1116] See, it doesn't make sense.

[1117] And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends.

[1118] That's real?

[1119] Series of cunt.

[1120] That's really?

[1121] Seriously, such a mean bitch.

[1122] The term includes any alcoholic beverage with 5 % or more alcohol by volume made with malted barley.

[1123] So it's just another way of saying beer, I guess.

[1124] Yeah, you still drink Mad Dog 2020, I think it's called, and then that was my drink.

[1125] I had Mad Dog 20.

[1126] That and Old English.

[1127] We were drinking those.

[1128] I watched, you ever see that movie Superfly?

[1129] Oh, yeah, back in the day.

[1130] Me and my friend John, when we were just starting out as comics, we got hammered on Old English and Mad Dog 2020 and those 40 -ounce liquors and watch Superfly.

[1131] I remember being shocked at how strong it was.

[1132] I don't know how much Old English has.

[1133] Let's find out.

[1134] How much does it?

[1135] How much would you think Old English has?

[1136] Let's go at 8%.

[1137] 8.

[1138] Yeah, I bet it's around that.

[1139] What proof is that?

[1140] What is it?

[1141] That's it.

[1142] Steel Reserve.

[1143] Mickey's.

[1144] Oh, yeah.

[1145] I used to drink that Mickey's a lot.

[1146] Still Steel Reserve is the motherfucker that's 8%.

[1147] That's picture, right?

[1148] What else is fucked up?

[1149] Saneides, that's 820.

[1150] Natty Daddy.

[1151] Have you had that Bud Light lime margarita?

[1152] No, what's that?

[1153] It's pretty good.

[1154] King Cobra is only six, huh?

[1155] Sounds like heartburn to me. I would have thought King Cobra would be off the charts.

[1156] Yeah, right?

[1157] I'm gonna call you some.

[1158] What is King Cobra?

[1159] King Cobra's a malt liquor.

[1160] It's a premium.

[1161] Six.

[1162] Oh, yeah, I would have thought it would be more, too.

[1163] Yeah.

[1164] I would have thought it would have fucked you up.

[1165] Is that just because the advertising was done with that black guy from Star Wars?

[1166] Remember?

[1167] Billy D. Williams?

[1168] Was he King Cobra?

[1169] Was it?

[1170] No, he was Cole 45.

[1171] Oh, he was Cole 45.

[1172] How much does Cole 45 have?

[1173] Cool 45.

[1174] Gravity logger.

[1175] 5 .6.

[1176] What is 10?

[1177] Evil Eye is 10.

[1178] Jesus Christ.

[1179] And Camp Black Ice.

[1180] Cammo Black Ice.

[1181] Oh, Cammo.

[1182] I thought it's at camp.

[1183] What the fuck, dude?

[1184] 12.

[1185] Stack high gravity logger is 12.

[1186] Oh, my God.

[1187] We should get some of that and have a drunk cast.

[1188] We need to get some of that Stack high gravity Lager Jamie you need to go to Compton And find out what they're selling that Because they don't sell that in white neighborhoods You need to go Go do some research for the show It's very important Robot Dick I know every I can't help it Do you smoke cigarettes also or do you You gave up?

[1189] Yeah just this now What's per What nicotine level is that?

[1190] Six Six?

[1191] Yeah That's better That is six I don't wake up You know you have a unique perspective coming from a really crazy religious background like that as a comic because you kind of see where the pitfalls of thinking lie because you were indoctrinated in them from a young age.

[1192] I have a strong reaction to them.

[1193] Yeah.

[1194] Like something like really bugs me if I encounter it again.

[1195] Well, that's what that's one of the things that you and I, you and I share this opinion of like a lot of what's going on, like what people would like to call social justice warriors, that it is really like kind of a religious thing.

[1196] It's a very similar thing.

[1197] It's not an even objective approach that a lot of people are taking this thing.

[1198] It's this gang mentality, pile on ideology.

[1199] Well, there's some things I have to take on faith with it, that I'm not just going to take on faith, okay?

[1200] And that's really just the bottom line.

[1201] But, you know, whatever.

[1202] Yeah, taking things on faith.

[1203] Across the board is bad.

[1204] I don't mind, like, if it's a little more challenged to get my jokes over.

[1205] Like, that just makes me better.

[1206] So I don't have a problem with that at all.

[1207] I like trying to get around that.

[1208] I think that makes it funnier.

[1209] But don't then make it like I can't work if I fuck up in the cause of trying to do that, right?

[1210] Right.

[1211] Well, I think that like a gangster movie is a legitimate art form.

[1212] You know, the Sopranos is a legitimate art form.

[1213] Right.

[1214] Well, guess what?

[1215] Someone doing, obviously, tongue -in -cheek, misogynist material, is a legitimate art form as well.

[1216] Like, you can't say that dice clay is not a legitimate artist.

[1217] Well, wasn't the thing of people couldn't, they just didn't know was a character?

[1218] Like, you think a lot of that shit against him was.

[1219] People didn't realize he was doing a character Of course they realized it They were just looking to be upset Because I was a kid I was a kid when he was out And I remember not knowing That that was a character Well you were a kid though Right If you're old enough to pay taxes You should know Dice Clay's fucking around I think people are don't Big fat fucking I think he's a He's a great artist I'm not bullshit That thing with Nora Dunn Where she was like You know I think she's about to be off the show So she did that stunt Of not coming on And the rest of the cast was mad at her like so what are we the woman haters because we did the show with dice oh that's right because that's what the things that fucked him up whatever that movie's great for it fairly and I love that movie what fucked him up was there was no internet back then that's what fucked him up when you get banned from MTV like he did like you're right no recourse there's nothing to do oh you're right he could have been on the fucking internet well they can blackball you they could back then they can't really blackball you anymore because you go all right I'm starting the dice clay podcast oh over here with the mic I like that he has an album of him bombing Oh, it's one of the best albums And it's Rick Rubin Fucking produced it Yeah And he called it the day The Laughter died Yeah I just like a very interesting thing That I have never What are the comic has that It's a two disc set It's just two discs It's great It's awful though He's bombing This guy gets up in the middle of his set And he goes You're about as funny as a glass of milk That's the guy Guys, because he wasn't announced, and he showed up a danger field, which is, you know, one of the dingiest little clubs in New York City.

[1220] It looks like where Count Chalkula was buried.

[1221] That club doesn't make any sense, because it's named after one of the all -time great stand -up comedians, and it's always filled with hacks, and it's empty most of the time.

[1222] But there was a few great comics at work there, like Otto and George.

[1223] I did sets there with Otto and George during the prom season, when they, you know, rotate the people in one after the other, after the other.

[1224] So there was always a few comics, but there was also a few that were hanging around there that didn't work anywhere else.

[1225] Right.

[1226] It was like the comedy store in the 90s when the comedy had these, the comedy store had these like ancient refugees.

[1227] Yeah, I remember that.

[1228] I remember like the very last of them.

[1229] Remember Nancy fuck, she was a host there?

[1230] She was nice.

[1231] She had a bow tone.

[1232] Very nice.

[1233] What the hell was her name?

[1234] It was Nancy something.

[1235] I know she was like a holdover from the old of that crew.

[1236] Yeah, exactly.

[1237] She told me how to get like health insurance if you couldn't didn't you know oh wow did you ever meet bobby was bobby gone by time you got there who's he bobby was the big scottish guy that was a dormant no chario was there oh okay all the way to by the ways no like you know the county clubs have like hot waitresses it was just all old men like a fucking steakhouse with tuxedoes like steakhouse tuxedo on yeah weird and that's how bobby was and bobby was his giant powerlifter he used to have a he'd have to have like some ridiculous scene You know, they would have to, like, tailor his shit because he was a mountain of a man. He was only about 5 '8, but he was probably about 230 pounds.

[1238] He was fucking enormous.

[1239] Just this big, dick, fucking tank of a guy.

[1240] And he would literally grab people by their neck and pick them up.

[1241] Like, lift them up and carry them out.

[1242] I saw him do it.

[1243] He just grabbed this guy and carried him out.

[1244] He was funnier than any of the comedians.

[1245] Oh, yeah.

[1246] He was hilarious.

[1247] And he was, right before you go on stage, he goes, I guess you're going to go try to trick him with that bag of shite act of yours.

[1248] and like you would kill and he goes look at that you tricked another group of assholes but he was funny he was saying right right he was fucking with you but he was funny and he knew who was good and it was bad yeah and he wasn't shy on letting you know he was a funny dude man worked that club for a long ass time do you go there and do you do do spot still i had uh you know i was like mad and was like vowed i would never go back there why and i think they even forgot i told them never call me because they've just called me like Are you around for once?

[1249] Like, that's how much it didn't matter, my little stand.

[1250] What was the standover?

[1251] I can't remember, dude.

[1252] There's some shit where, fuck, I don't remember, but I was, like, furious about it.

[1253] I can't remember.

[1254] That's a club that should be revived.

[1255] If it's still around, God, you got to make sure that place doesn't go under.

[1256] That's a magic room.

[1257] The way that room is set up and built.

[1258] Yeah, I used to like playing there, and it was good to get a half hour spot somewhere, you know?

[1259] It's a great room.

[1260] It's a great room.

[1261] It was always just managed.

[1262] in a very bizarre way.

[1263] I do...

[1264] But it's so iconic.

[1265] I guess I mostly like the stand and, like, seller.

[1266] That's supposed to be amazing.

[1267] Stan's great here.

[1268] I hear a lot of great things about that place.

[1269] I fucking love it.

[1270] And the seller and then stand up New York, I'm at a lot.

[1271] You know, Dangerfields was where they did an actual Dangerfield special from that place.

[1272] I think it was in the North Kinson.

[1273] Yeah, I know, I know.

[1274] Yeah.

[1275] That's funny.

[1276] That was like one of the early specials that was in a comedy club.

[1277] You know, instead of a big giant theater.

[1278] And is one of the best.

[1279] ones, too.

[1280] Yeah, that's a classic one, dude.

[1281] Fuck, yeah, that's a real classic one.

[1282] Did you ever get a chance to see Rodney Dangerfield perform?

[1283] Never, dude, he was dead by the time I got there.

[1284] Have you seen any, like, the old -time greats?

[1285] Have you ever seen any of them?

[1286] I mean, I've watched Rodney doing his stand -up.

[1287] I mean, you mean, in person, right?

[1288] Did you see Carlin at all?

[1289] Yeah.

[1290] Never in person.

[1291] I fucking missed Rickles, too, last time I was in Montreal.

[1292] I want to go see Rickles.

[1293] Oh, he's still performing, huh?

[1294] I over, yeah, I asked to be on too many shows.

[1295] I'm never doing that again.

[1296] Montreal?

[1297] Yeah, because I want to go see some other shit.

[1298] Yeah.

[1299] I keep thinking I want to do spots, you know, and then I just have too many, and it's not as fine.

[1300] Well, if you have a lot in a nice place like Montreal, you're not going to get to explore the city, too.

[1301] That's a whole other world, that city.

[1302] I like it there, man. The summer's great.

[1303] I love it there.

[1304] It's a whole other world, though.

[1305] I mean, that is a French -speaking international city that's just above Maine.

[1306] It doesn't make any goddamn sense.

[1307] Because Maine is, like, desolate, wasteland, fucking tree.

[1308] dudes with coonskin hats, you know, looking at you from behind a fucking bush.

[1309] Where are you from?

[1310] You're not from around here.

[1311] Everybody in Stephen King books, you know, that's all based on Maine.

[1312] Yeah, they've inspired more horror stories with their faces than any other people.

[1313] I've never been in a place where you make fun of the state and people go more fucking angry.

[1314] Oh, do you get mad?

[1315] They get furious.

[1316] They call the maniacs, you know, that they're maniacs.

[1317] Dude, strongest weed I ever had, I got in me from some hick.

[1318] What?

[1319] I take that as a goddamn challenge.

[1320] Dude, and I, if I could ever find him again, it was like a dense fucking bud that almost smelled like a car freshener.

[1321] It wasn't like a delicious weed smell.

[1322] Really?

[1323] And it was so fucking strong.

[1324] And we were not prepared for how strong it was at all.

[1325] I mean, I couldn't, but I like to smoke it again because I have a different palette now, but we were all, like, out of our minds from this weed.

[1326] Well, couldn't you think that if you were a, uh, a lot of it?

[1327] dude living in some in the middle of nowhere town in a place like Maine you could be like some crazy hacker guy who makes his own computers and designs his own drones and shit like that you could see some mad scientist dude living by himself like that out there right yeah why right well couldn't you see a mad botanist too yeah i could totally see that as well i could totally see some crazy fuck that's out there i got the impression it was some wild ass you know they planted it in the woods with uh traps around it kind of weed you know that's how they do they they go out in the woods and make their little stet grows and a booby travel yeah that makes sense but it also makes sense that like someone in this day and age just how long ago was it you got this weed shit a while ago over 10 years ago at least well since 1994 they've had medical marijuana in california i think was in 94 that passed so from then on it's been pretty commensurate i mean i don't think it's gotten much stronger i had some weed in the late 90s that was just i've had weed that's just as strong as a shit you're getting today yeah so if some guy got it to him, you know, 2005, somebody got it to him, all the way up in Maine, he just starts growing it, that's totally feasible.

[1328] You know, yeah, up in Maine, maybe just sprayed it with, like, bug spray or something.

[1329] I don't think so.

[1330] Just pissed on it.

[1331] He eats a lot of vitamins.

[1332] You get vitamin piss.

[1333] I need my Vita shot today.

[1334] But that's, well, my point was, like, that's a very loosely populated state, you know, and there's a couple cool cities, like Bangor's a cool city, and Portland's a cool city.

[1335] but you go north of that and there's virtually nothing there's just really really small towns of people barely eking by you know north of that is this incredible fucking city it's nuts I'm saying keep going after you get past the wildlings and you get to the fucking get to the fence you got to climb the fence so weird that you guys are talking about Portland I'm actually planning all these places right now you're probably talking about Portland Oregon I'm talking about Portland Maine no Portland Maine you're gonna go to Portland Maine you're gonna go to Portland Maine Somerville, Massachusetts.

[1336] Oh, Somerville, Rhode Island.

[1337] Somerville.

[1338] What we're doing in, a lot of Estonia.

[1339] You're doing the comic connection?

[1340] That's a great spot.

[1341] I used to do that.

[1342] It's a bank vault.

[1343] It's what it, if it's the same location.

[1344] It used to be literally a bank vault.

[1345] The green room for a comedian was the vault.

[1346] The place was a bank.

[1347] But it was terrible.

[1348] The one thing about it that was terrible was that you had these giant ceilings because it was like a bank.

[1349] Oh, right.

[1350] Right.

[1351] But you were on stage in a bank.

[1352] I mean, it used to be a bank, and it was like a bank parking lot.

[1353] I got the worst food poisoning my life in that place.

[1354] Like in the year two, not even, 99 or something like that.

[1355] I don't even know what year it was.

[1356] What did you eat that poisoned you?

[1357] A pizza.

[1358] You know when you eat sushi and you get poisoning it's usually not the fish because they have to freeze the fish first.

[1359] It's usually the rice.

[1360] That rice is people's hands.

[1361] They say that about salad.

[1362] That salad is one of the worst things.

[1363] that people get food poisoning from.

[1364] Imagine that.

[1365] Trying to be all healthy.

[1366] Like, I don't want to eat your toxic meat.

[1367] I'll sit here and eat my microbe infested lettuce.

[1368] But Montreal, if you go, like, it's counterintuitive.

[1369] Because if you were headed north and you, you know, you went all through New York and into Massachusetts, then you got up to Maine, you'd be like, okay, we've got to turn around.

[1370] There's nothing up here.

[1371] There's nothing up here.

[1372] But if you just kept going, you'd be like, whoa, this is better than Boston.

[1373] This is a magical city.

[1374] This is beautiful There are different languages This is crazy Not better than Boston But it's similar Yeah You know I love it there No Montreal's a shit Toronto's a shit too You have a good time in Toronto Yeah It's like a big city But they're nice Weird The crowds are good I think See I Canadian Like kind of PC people are different Because you know what It is They'll hear you out All my jokes are overly wordy too So you've got to like Hear me out Before you get mad Or it's not gonna work but they're Canadian so their attention span is just like longer and when I fuck up here it's because somebody was half listening and just heard a word and didn't know what I was saying Outrage attack Dude I got a girl dumped a drink on me at the cellar Why?

[1375] I can think this is on my hour I don't know white precious is a joke of a gay marriage On the hour?

[1376] No no no but it's on my hour if you listen to my hour But she goes she comes The beginning of the thing I asked if they're for a gay marriage And I go because I'm against it that's why I brought it up And there's just the first line.

[1377] But if you listen to the joke, it's clearly a pro -game marriage joke.

[1378] But she just ran up, grabbed some other guy's drink.

[1379] It wasn't her drink.

[1380] She picked up a dude's drink in front of her and doused me with it.

[1381] And then they're starting to pull her out.

[1382] I'm like, whoa, what just, why?

[1383] Why did you do that?

[1384] She's like, you're against gay marriage.

[1385] Is that great?

[1386] I'm like, first of all, the joke was pro that.

[1387] And then also...

[1388] What was the joke?

[1389] It's about why we can't have it here because, you know, We have the Constitution God gave us And like You know we lose his protection Like he watches your holes You know Like a diamond loop Let's see what they're up to Let's see what they're up to Oh look at that No more protection for you Yeah So what did she say Because I'm against gay marriage Right but did you explain to her That you were going This is a satire No they'll bounceers threw her out I was trying to make her stay actually So I could It was so like shocking that it happened And I wasn't, like, mad.

[1390] But that's exactly what we're talking about.

[1391] We're talking about people that have a black or a white.

[1392] There's a, you know, there's a...

[1393] Yeah, I'm not proud of you for that.

[1394] That's why we all supposedly hated George W. For his moral certitude.

[1395] So I don't want to hear yours.

[1396] Yeah.

[1397] Especially not in satire.

[1398] Especially not when you're going to see a comedy show.

[1399] I'm above the law is how I, my attitude towards comedy.

[1400] Whatever the fucking social norm is, I'm above that.

[1401] That's why I took this job.

[1402] I took this job to not do what you do.

[1403] I don't work at your fucking office, so I don't have to clean it up like we're at the office.

[1404] People think that that's the way you're supposed to think and talk all the time because they all think they can do it.

[1405] They all think they're comics too.

[1406] John Stewart said that, that like, you know, people play music that's magical to people and painting that's magic.

[1407] But everyone thinks they're a comedian.

[1408] They all think they are.

[1409] So that's why they feel qualified to tell you.

[1410] Well, because they talk.

[1411] Right.

[1412] They don't see it as being much different.

[1413] You're talking, and they're talking.

[1414] Right.

[1415] People used to say about Stern.

[1416] And they're like, oh, I can do our stern, do you just got to talk about pussy.

[1417] You know, like, that attitude.

[1418] That's what they think it is.

[1419] So when they talk about mean jokes, they're not thinking of someone crafting something clever.

[1420] They're thinking of, oh, you're a lesbian.

[1421] Like, in their head, that's the same as a joke.

[1422] Yeah.

[1423] We don't even agree on what jokes are, but to even have that argument about that.

[1424] Well, it seems easier than it really is.

[1425] It seems like you're just a guy who's talking.

[1426] The thing about, it does, right?

[1427] It does.

[1428] It seems...

[1429] That's what I thought.

[1430] I thought it was real fucking easy before I did it.

[1431] I thought that, too.

[1432] even about podcasting.

[1433] Yeah, I thought that.

[1434] Podcasting also made me really understand and appreciate conversations.

[1435] Yeah.

[1436] Because conversations are like a little dance between, robot dick.

[1437] Can you hear that sound?

[1438] Conversations are a little dance between people.

[1439] There's a give and a, and there's an art to do, and people don't always sync up that good with it.

[1440] Like sometimes people are, it's awkward, you know, with some folks.

[1441] And it's an art form, though.

[1442] Dude, I didn't realize how radio, like, it's the same as, comedy when I would start to have to be on people's radio shows and I realize there's like a thing to it like what I just always assumed um fuck there's definitely a thing to being entertaining when you're having a long form conversation you know the people that think they would be easy to keep a conversation going have never done it dude uh what's the comedian's name I'm so high what's the comedian's name that just passed away from um the last boy scout he was on my show twice last boy scout yeah he's in every movie he's from uh punchline the guy going Ariarug I have no idea Who you're talking about A comedian just passed away?

[1443] He's my friend I'm doing so high I'm blanking He came on the show twice Um Fucking What did he do?

[1444] He's like in everything In the 80s He's in all these 80s movies Not Rick Dukaman No He's kind of swarthy Swarthy Hold on I'm gonna look him up right now You know what is Jamie?

[1445] Yeah Taylor Taylor Taylor Negron Fuck Oh yeah These are strong That guy So he came on my podcast Twice That guy was so fucking good Like That's all where I know him from coming on there.

[1446] He would just wait for his part to jump in, and then he had something funny and interesting to say, and he'd jump out.

[1447] And it was just amazing.

[1448] Like, he would just dance in, and it was never in somebody's way, and it was always worth, like, paying attention to.

[1449] Like, I thought he was, like, really killer.

[1450] He was a good dude, too.

[1451] I used to always run into him with the improv.

[1452] Very, very nice guy.

[1453] Very fun guy.

[1454] Yeah, he was one of the coolest guys.

[1455] I only met him, like, breathing, but, like, I really liked him, and I really wanted him to come back.

[1456] I had no idea he had cancer or anything.

[1457] Hmm.

[1458] Somehow, in another, it's better than suicide.

[1459] You know, that's the bummer when a guy like Robin Williams, Richard Jenny.

[1460] Somehow or another, that to me is like, God damn it.

[1461] Somebody didn't get to those dudes in time, you know?

[1462] Well, it's a man, I don't know, it's got to be some kind of mental on this, right?

[1463] Because you're supposed to be wired not to do that.

[1464] Oh, yeah, 100%.

[1465] I hate saying wired, by the way.

[1466] Everybody says wired.

[1467] Like, where's my wires?

[1468] Like the internet is tubes.

[1469] It's the same level of stupid.

[1470] Wait a minute.

[1471] The way we're wired.

[1472] It's not tubes?

[1473] What is it?

[1474] There are tubes.

[1475] I mean, there's something that goes across the ocean, which is new to me. Tutes and tunnels.

[1476] I didn't know that they had to lay lines.

[1477] I didn't know they had to lay lines across the entire fucking actual ocean.

[1478] I was like, wait a minute.

[1479] I thought we were Wi -Fi by now.

[1480] That is ridiculous.

[1481] But that's how we connect to the other parts of the world.

[1482] They have a tube.

[1483] Right?

[1484] It's a wires.

[1485] There's a series of tubes.

[1486] Essentially.

[1487] But if you ask the average person who uses the internet to put up Instagram picks of their ass, How exactly is this getting to Sweden?

[1488] Because someone in Sweden right now is downloading your Instagram feed.

[1489] Someone is looking at your butt pictures while you're doing squats and the other side of Africa.

[1490] Is that like a Snapchat thing, putting your butt up like that?

[1491] I thought Snapchat's fat to get your dig up and then it goes away after a few minutes.

[1492] Well, Snapchat does, but Instagram, there's girls that have literally millions and millions of followers, and they're just girls in yoga pants.

[1493] And all they do all day is like squat.

[1494] That's my new porn search, dude.

[1495] That was the new porn search I've been used.

[1496] using yoga pants.

[1497] That's the porn search.

[1498] That's my new one and my dead soul of having to find something to amuse me. What will make my dick do anything?

[1499] New shit to jack off.

[1500] Yoga pants.

[1501] There's something about a girl who's like really spiritual that still wants to fuck.

[1502] Guys get very excited.

[1503] Plus it's tight.

[1504] So it kind of compressed the ass.

[1505] Well, the pants could be really, always rip the pants open.

[1506] Oh, crazy.

[1507] Like violent.

[1508] But it's a little bit.

[1509] Consent?

[1510] I think so.

[1511] May I rip your pants open or does this disgust?

[1512] I think it's important.

[1513] Because I'm not jerking off to rape I mean she doesn't turn her face away from it She dives right into it I don't think that's consent I don't think you understand consent You're a part of the problem 90 % of communication is nonverbal Is how I feel about it Yeah you are cisgendered right Yeah Dude fuck yes I am You're cisgendered So you're therefore privileged Do you not apologize for your very existence Well that's like the original sin now right Yes that's your new fucking Yes Sin Well, amongst a very small percentage of the people.

[1514] Isn't that crazy to go that full circle to like trying to get away from the circumstances of your birth?

[1515] And now it's fully that now.

[1516] Like, first we judge you by what your category is before you say anything.

[1517] Yes.

[1518] So now two different things.

[1519] It's different if he says it, then you said it.

[1520] Well, it's like that video that you were listening to that Jamie was doing.

[1521] Were you on the O .B. and Anthony show that was telling you about it.

[1522] Whereas, like, that's what you're, you guys are like mocking that very thing.

[1523] Right, right, right.

[1524] I yeah he's the his videos are the best God the amazing tone is if he's like patiently talking to a fucking waterhead child Explaining to you how you should be react Okay guys That's the entire sense of humor they have too Is like you know Someone raising one eyebrow over their glasses at you Really That's their little like Like a polite like a disdain or a I don't describe that's like nerd A contemptuous nerd is the new kind of sense of humor but there's a big audience for that yeah for like eye rolling yeah like just professional eye rolling you ever patten oswald yeah patin oswald has some great joke about uh an altercation that happens in a starbucks and los feelas where he says you could barely hear the nora jones song from the sound of the eye rolling that's such a great describe It's a great description of reality.

[1525] It's so funny.

[1526] That is so fucking funny.

[1527] But it's like that attitude, man. It's like, it's all duh.

[1528] This is duh.

[1529] Are you talking to five -year -olds?

[1530] Because you should need to have a kid.

[1531] Have a kid and teach a kid about life.

[1532] I'm not a fucking kid.

[1533] They think they are, but that's what we were saying about.

[1534] And also, I don't know how they're confusing the role of comedy.

[1535] Like comedy, I guess it can be a tool for whatever.

[1536] can be that.

[1537] It doesn't, it's not what it is.

[1538] You're not Batman with this.

[1539] Yeah, you're the Joker.

[1540] Batman is serious.

[1541] You're a comedian.

[1542] You're not trying to do good.

[1543] You're trying to show Batman not to take shit so seriously.

[1544] Or if you are trying to, you should have a real point.

[1545] Like, hey, here's something I found out about that you need to know.

[1546] If you mix this drug with that drug, it will fucking kill you.

[1547] My friend's dead.

[1548] Or you could take your points and put them in joke form, which is what your actual job is.

[1549] you're not supposed to just come and go my sister's anti -gay and I think that's wrong great job Jamie you fucking really does he do that though he did that on fucking Conan or someone of something he was on it's just like not a joke it's just him fucking preaching didn't he retire though he's done right he's done with Cassana I heard he retired really somebody tweeted I didn't look at it might just be temporary what's he going to do for money then fits this in radio but did he try to get you fired no but he he like threw in his own like yeah something but it was maybe that one girl whose name i don't mention good for you fucking good for you but uh the i don't know man i just hate comics turning on each other like that over jokes it's like the idea that you're pretending you don't know that a guy's fucking around and that that's an art there's an art form to go in to see a guy who's saying things you absolutely know he doesn't really believe well look i you have to look i've had that fight already with fucking you know and the bottom line is everything's propaganda i remember this whole mindset dude everything is like church yeah i know the mindset like what kind of world are you working for at these jokes joe i mean think about that you know like like we weren't supposed to stumble i was talking about on marron's show the fucking like you couldn't stumble your brother out of christianity that was like a big no -no in my church so let's say you know your brother Yeah, like, let's say you had some doubts about something that you heard in, like, doctrine.

[1550] And you said it to Brother Rogan, and Brother Rogan was like, yeah, that sounds like bullshit.

[1551] I'm leaving this church.

[1552] You stumbled him out of the faith with your shit.

[1553] You were supposed to humbly just assume that whatever it is will get worked out and not really make a stink about it, even if you didn't agree with something.

[1554] You go, like, well, they know what's for the best.

[1555] That's actively you're supposed to do that, okay?

[1556] So these people are the same thing.

[1557] By you making some crass joke about something that's serious that people don't take.

[1558] seriously enough, if you're contributing, you understand?

[1559] The same way hip hop is making young black men because of the hip hop or fucking, it's the same fucking argument, or how Dungeons and Dragons is encouraging the suicide.

[1560] It's an old argument.

[1561] Does anybody really say that?

[1562] What?

[1563] The Dungeons and Dragons.

[1564] Don't you remember that in the 80s?

[1565] Dungeon Dragons leads to suicide demonism and fucking, there's always a thing that you got to blame.

[1566] I'm telling you jokes one way or another are never going to affect.

[1567] anything for anything like don't worry about the jokes you know the people who think Bush got elected because of SNL's portrayal of Bush versus their portrayal of gore I've heard people oh what's his name who was on Horatio San said it he thought the election got affected by by Will Ferrell doing Bush that you know condescending that is I think he's funny too like I'm not against him but that's the most that's that's how they think they're so condescending they imagine people were swayed by Saturday Night Live and people are so stupid that they need their gentle fucking lefty hands.

[1568] Do you understand?

[1569] Yeah, but hold on a second.

[1570] Because you're talking to me from a guy who used to be a fucking Jehovah's Witness.

[1571] So you're talking about an entire religion that believes unbelievably retarded nonsense.

[1572] And you're surprised, but you're surprised that a portrayal by someone of a president could influence people that watch television?

[1573] I don't think anyone switched their vote because they saw jokes about.

[1574] You can make all the jokes.

[1575] Very possible that is a tipping point.

[1576] I don't think they're responsible.

[1577] I don't think the person's responsible.

[1578] Look, people are retarded, dude.

[1579] I don't think you could sway someone who was, people who voted for Bush were into that ideology.

[1580] The people's idea, it's the same as these lefties.

[1581] Like, you wouldn't joke them out of believing in the shit they believe.

[1582] The dumbest outliers, it's possible.

[1583] I think if you could talk someone into being a Scientologist, you can talk someone into voting for anybody.

[1584] Here's what I'll say to that.

[1585] If you're that fucking stupid.

[1586] You probably didn't make it out to vote I'd be willing to bet you didn't make it out to vote But the problem is stupid people are often very motivated You know that's what you see with the Westboro Baptist Church They're crazy they're crazy they're not stupid They're crazy oh they're dumb That Fred Phelps guy was dumb He was a lawyer he was a civil rights attorney Yeah but he was still an idiot He was socially retarded Okay yeah but that's on the same is stupid Like that's a different kind of That's like an almost willful I don't have to be stupid but I am Well he's smart enough to memorize All the shit that you needed to learn to become a lawyer.

[1587] But as far as like...

[1588] I love them, dude.

[1589] First of all, he was a civil rights lawyer.

[1590] He fought for the right.

[1591] And he got major breakthroughs for black people.

[1592] I look it up.

[1593] He did something really nice.

[1594] He, dude, the best part of this is, yeah, it's weird.

[1595] They concentrate on this one rule, but they're just saying what's in the Bible.

[1596] That's my favorite part.

[1597] Because all these people out there think, no, you can moderate.

[1598] You always see that moderate shit.

[1599] So I have news for you.

[1600] If you're a moderate, that means you're not in it.

[1601] Right.

[1602] You're full of shit.

[1603] Okay?

[1604] The people that are really doing it are the extreme ones.

[1605] It's not a part -time thing.

[1606] So that's why I don't do it anymore, because I'm not going to half -ass do it.

[1607] So I like those people that, because literally the Bible says only a few people are going to survive.

[1608] That's why America is not Christian.

[1609] If America, we were all Christian, we wouldn't be Christian.

[1610] Automatically, it's built in.

[1611] Only a small few find the cramped and narrow road leading to eternal life.

[1612] And the road leading to destruction is massive, and that's where most of the people go.

[1613] So they think they're those few That are on the cramped road Much like a virgin butthole should be So really the idea of a Christian nation is impossible Yeah I don't know what Bible people are reading Do you caves you dumb dumb book Do you not look at it That's the same people Than tattoo Bible verses on your body Like dude you gotta read the whole book It says not to do that Yeah I watched some redneck go Well you're not under that law anymore I watch some redneck on something go Yeah I was I'm Christian so I was raised to fight what I believe it I mean it's the exact opposite of being Christian you fucking dickhead well people pick and choose they pick and choose what kind of Bible stuff they like yeah they certainly do it's like divorce you're supposed to stone the woman if you get a divorce you know if the woman leaves you or whatever no no that's it for adultery there's a lot of terrible fucking shit in there but listen a lot of it you can absolutely justify with it was for the time was somewhat progressive right yeah when you talk about they okay you can own slaves like well it wasn't the kind of slavery we had and at the time they were nicer about slavery like okay that's fine but you're telling me that this this book's exceptional so why aren't they in the future like if the one true god invented this shit it should be like oh way ahead of its time we're like we're the ones that don't have slaves because we have the one true god why isn't it like that because i'm supposed to have them uh judging i'm supposed to before i just do anything imagine one of them like one of the prophets is alive watching me what would he what if Moses were here what would he think of what I'm doing I'm supposed to do that as a Christian but well like I'm not supposed to judge Moses for his shitty shit right like he has slaves was a killer I never killed anybody Moses and also I don't have slaves so you could save your judgment of my fucking you know well just a few hundred years ago if you go back and read some of the stuff like Lincoln we read this passage by Lincoln the other day.

[1614] Oh, I love his...

[1615] I love those passages.

[1616] They're crazy racist.

[1617] I want them in the hall of presidents at Disneyland.

[1618] I want Lincoln to be like, I am not advocating equality for the Negro.

[1619] Yeah.

[1620] Well, I'll just say not wanting them to...

[1621] They shouldn't be allowed to vote.

[1622] Of course, yeah.

[1623] They shouldn't be allowed to hold office or be able to intermarry with whites.

[1624] Like, this was all, like, him in a debate.

[1625] Yeah, but that's his, like, compromising to try to make...

[1626] It's like, oh, his Obamacare.

[1627] You know, it's not a perfect solution, but we have...

[1628] Had to do something.

[1629] That's what that shit is.

[1630] Yeah, probably.

[1631] I guess back then, as we're saying, that was probably like super radical, progressive for the time.

[1632] I was fighting with Gavin on.

[1633] You know Gavin, right?

[1634] Gavin McGinnis.

[1635] I know who he is.

[1636] I don't know him.

[1637] So we're on Twitter talking about slavery.

[1638] I love his fucking...

[1639] I saw you guys going back and forth.

[1640] Slavery's not that bad.

[1641] Or that the Civil War is not about slavery.

[1642] There would be no Civil War if there had been no slavery.

[1643] They wouldn't have gone to war over cotton tariffs.

[1644] They could have worked that out.

[1645] Black Dick on the loose was, trust me, a big fucking factor.

[1646] if you took it out no war absolutely so black dick on the loose you feel of course you think they're going to like you're going to free all these slaves we've been beaten and they're going to be just like us and they're going to be fucking our kids well don't you think that the biggest fear was that they would lose the economic impact of having slaves well that was that was what they're fighting for that's for that's for your rich man's motive for fighting you ever see like the men's motive is is like uh oh now the blacks are coming for mine that's my one thing i have more It's a very simple fucking thing But they always got it soft sell it like No, there was more to the conf - Like let's say there's no slavery The Confederacy still sucked You're still fucking traitors It's not like if you fucking...

[1647] How are they traitors?

[1648] Trying to split up the union Over some bullshit Right, but why should they give in To the fucking whims of the north The north of their fucking cities That's what essentially was going on too That was a big part of what was happening back then There was two different lifestyles The north which was about like cities And then there was a south That was like agriculture And when they were saying, like, you know, oh, it's about economics.

[1649] Well, yeah, you have a bunch of people that are working for free.

[1650] And they would like to be paid and you want to keep paying them nothing.

[1651] Did you know, Rogan, that would just ended on its own?

[1652] Yeah, eventually.

[1653] You know, people would give up having free labor.

[1654] They would just be like, well, okay.

[1655] Who said that about Brazil?

[1656] The Brazil did it without killing 600 ,000 people.

[1657] Oh, this fucking guy.

[1658] I go, listen, was Hiroshima necessary?

[1659] Then the Civil War was necessary, okay?

[1660] If you're going to justify a drop in the atom bomb, which I do, then you're, Yeah, 600.

[1661] If I'm a slave, if I'm ever a slave, by all means, kill half a million Southerners till I'm free.

[1662] By all means, I'm willing to sacrifice them for me to not be a slave.

[1663] So this guy, it's like, it's all this shit that's easy for you to say if you're not a slave.

[1664] That's the bottom fucking line.

[1665] And they just won't put themselves in those shoes ever.

[1666] It's got to be like the ultimate, shut up black people.

[1667] That's the whole fucking point of that flag.

[1668] We don't care if it bothers you.

[1669] You'll never get that from us.

[1670] Yeah, it's a weird pride thing It's like what exactly are you proud of You lost a war Where you were trying to separate from the people that didn't want slavery Is it you're proud of the spot where you were born Which you had no control over Yeah Well dude I don't even understand flags You know I couldn't salute the flag When I was growing up You couldn't?

[1671] No That's getting involved in neutral in all politics If you're Joe's witness You don't get involved in politics So you don't vote at all No Wow Yeah it's I don't give a shit what Satan's system of things does This is going to be all wiped out.

[1672] Oh, I see.

[1673] But anyway, so I never got attached to a flag like that.

[1674] Like, I never understood.

[1675] Like, I've never felt that feeling of, like, a flag.

[1676] Even though now I'm, like, I'm way into America, but I couldn't ever, like, just be into a flag.

[1677] It's so, something so gross about that.

[1678] Well, it is kind of gross, and it's gross just by way of all definitions that are, like, confining.

[1679] Like, if you confine yourself, like, now I'm American, and this fucking Mexican's trying to come over here to our land.

[1680] imagine if you were saying, hey, man, I'm from California.

[1681] And those fuckers from Nevada trying to come over to California, we're going to kill them.

[1682] No, you go over to Nevada and there's just other Americans.

[1683] You're like, hey, how you doing?

[1684] But if you go right instead of left, all of a sudden you're in a place where people look exactly the fucking same.

[1685] You can go into a ton of Mexicans in Nevada.

[1686] And they're like, what's up, brother?

[1687] What are you doing, man?

[1688] What's going on?

[1689] Everything's cool.

[1690] Everything's normal.

[1691] You're talking to them like, they're your friends.

[1692] They're fellow Americans.

[1693] Go right.

[1694] And then they're the, what, the enemy?

[1695] What are they?

[1696] Are they an ally?

[1697] They can't come over here?

[1698] Well, people don't seem to realize that whatever immigrants it is, like, it's not like if they learn English, but if their kids learn English or something, you know what I mean?

[1699] That's like a enculter on.

[1700] Yeah, but she, you know, I was surprised because she fessed, because I go, my whole thing is, can you just go to wherever who is hiring illegals and go, let's see everyone's paperwork, and then penalize the company for doing that?

[1701] And then problem solved.

[1702] There's no more jobs for them.

[1703] And she's like, yeah, no, the corporations are one of the, biggest promoters of it but so so Bill Maher made a good point so he's like you should have called the book that something you know how corporations are fucking it up because people are just going to dismiss your points now because you just blamed it on the why blame the immigrant why would I not come here and try to get a job if I needed one why would I not that's just a radical hot button topic though blaming it on immigrants like people love doing that because it's a good thing to get people on your side if there's like a few key components you're not going to touch my guns you know fucking immigration is ruining this country's a fine country we're You got to worry about the, oh, we've got porous borders.

[1704] But it's such an eternal argument, man. It sounds so Bill the Butcher when they're throwing potatoes at Irish people coming off the boat, you know?

[1705] It sounds just like that.

[1706] Like, you just sound like the same shit.

[1707] People all want the same shit.

[1708] Yeah.

[1709] They want to have, like, the fucking middle class home and all that.

[1710] And you can see it.

[1711] Every fucking race that comes here that gets to that level, they kind of just live like TV sitcom people.

[1712] You know what I mean?

[1713] Exactly.

[1714] That's what most people.

[1715] There's only a few of them where they try to fucking set themselves apart.

[1716] and they're mostly white cuckoo religions.

[1717] Mm -hmm.

[1718] Yeah.

[1719] It's real hard when you try to see, like how, robot dick again, that thing's distracting as fuck.

[1720] Oh, yeah.

[1721] I like how you lean back.

[1722] I shouldn't like it in the mic.

[1723] Don't you still hear it, though, in your ears?

[1724] You must know.

[1725] Oh, soothing me. Did you ever try the gum?

[1726] I don't like the gum.

[1727] I just like getting bigger, darker objects to put into my mouth.

[1728] Dude, they gave us one that was so stupid.

[1729] Do we still have that stupid thing around here, Jamie?

[1730] It's in the back.

[1731] To leave it back there They give me a...

[1732] You've seen that one that...

[1733] Yeah, it looks like a lightsaber.

[1734] It looks like a weapon.

[1735] I know, they construct it themselves like lightsabers.

[1736] Yeah.

[1737] It was huge.

[1738] It was huge and it was...

[1739] You had to refill it though every like 10 hits or something.

[1740] You do that?

[1741] He squirt into the cotton and everything.

[1742] What are you doing there?

[1743] I don't use cotton.

[1744] It's a mess every time I do it.

[1745] I need some tissue.

[1746] I have an eyedropper of shit.

[1747] Now the battery ran out, so I got a spare battery in his car.

[1748] Oh my God.

[1749] You're a junkie.

[1750] yeah but it's it's not like killing me how cigarettes were killed i mean cigarettes were killing me man i could feel it like eating away at your health oh yeah so i don't feel like that no more brian how long you've been off now i think three weeks yeah i'm proud of you dude that's really strong that's very strong i'm glad you made it that far man just keep going do you think you're free now yeah i'm just bored yeah but do you think you're free where you'll stop smoking for now on yeah it seems like Good, I really hope so, dude.

[1751] I used to, I really worried about you.

[1752] I was like, I'm going to get the call one day from that guy, and he's going to say, I have cancer.

[1753] And I'm, I'm like, I can't even tell you.

[1754] I try to get you to quit for 10 fucking years.

[1755] Yeah, I was up to two packs also, which is just ridiculous.

[1756] It's that high, dude.

[1757] It's the goddamn store, definitely, yeah.

[1758] Everybody smokes there.

[1759] And they're all just, yeah, no comedy when I started comedies when I started smoking.

[1760] Yeah.

[1761] The store is a real bad.

[1762] It's better than, the improv's not as bad as far as, like, laugh factor is not bad at all because there's nowhere to smoke.

[1763] Right.

[1764] The fact that.

[1765] The comedy store has a patio you could smoke at.

[1766] So, like, you're sitting there and people are just blowing smoke in your face nonstop.

[1767] That's an interesting thing I've never thought about with the laugh factor.

[1768] The factor doesn't have anything.

[1769] They don't have a place where you can go like that.

[1770] Improv kind of has, like, that parking lot type.

[1771] The parking lot is great.

[1772] I'm out there all the time.

[1773] Are you with the improv tonight?

[1774] No. No, I'm off until Thursday.

[1775] I'm doing the store Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

[1776] Oh, okay.

[1777] I wish you around, you motherfucker.

[1778] I know.

[1779] I want to see you do some stand -up in town.

[1780] I haven't seen you since Montreal.

[1781] all.

[1782] But we were at that little tiny club, the comedy works.

[1783] Jimbo's.

[1784] He's an ex -Joe of his witness, too, the owner.

[1785] Is he really?

[1786] Yeah.

[1787] I sensed him like the Highlander.

[1788] That's hilarious.

[1789] But he's out of business now.

[1790] That club's gone.

[1791] When did it go under?

[1792] I don't know.

[1793] It sucks.

[1794] I used to love going to hang out there.

[1795] Man. I know, dude.

[1796] That was a great club.

[1797] Oh, can I play?

[1798] You get a lot of listeners, right?

[1799] Yeah.

[1800] Because I'm at Stress Factory in New Brunswick on July 23th through 25th.

[1801] Excellent.

[1802] If you're out there, come see me at the Stress Factory.

[1803] Beautiful.

[1804] Do that.

[1805] Yeah, he's hilarious.

[1806] If you haven't seen Kurt Matsker, plug your ear so I can talk nice about you.

[1807] Very, very funny guy.

[1808] That's why I really wanted to see you while you're in town.

[1809] Yeah, man, I've been wanting to come on for a while.

[1810] Fucker.

[1811] How often are you around here?

[1812] It depends what work I have.

[1813] I had a press junket to do.

[1814] And your podcast is on iTunes.

[1815] People can get it on everything.

[1816] SoundCloud iTunes.

[1817] Yeah, it's called Race Wars with Kurt and Charlotte.

[1818] I'm going to subscribe right now.

[1819] I heard great things about it.

[1820] I heard it's really funny.

[1821] The last episode came out as one of my.

[1822] are better ones but uh you know sometimes it's the people talking over each other's show that happens that's why it's not as easy as it looks i agree with you you know what i um saw the other day somebody put up a video of uh dead mouse edy bravo russell peters me and you doing a podcast remember that podcast that we did yeah all the talking over each other were all hammered yeah it was so bad it's so hard to listen to yeah so hard to listen to yeah that happens a lot with the ice house chronicles yeah that's one of the most annoying things.

[1823] Did you see that...

[1824] Well, we've had it as many like seven or eight people on a mic there before.

[1825] Yeah.

[1826] Did you see the Paris Hilton prank video?

[1827] No. I got to go, though.

[1828] I have to go.

[1829] Unfortunately, I have to leave early.

[1830] Check it out.

[1831] Paris Hilton, this Egyptian guy pranked her where they're in an airplane and they made the airplane like nose dive and stuff like that.

[1832] And now she's like, she's like, I fly all the time and now I'm scared to be on a plane.

[1833] She's going to sue.

[1834] Well, she's allowed to sue, I guess.

[1835] Unfortunately, I have to end this thing early.

[1836] I got it.

[1837] Oh, yeah.

[1838] I got an obligation.

[1839] But, uh, Kurt Metzger, thank you very much for coming on.

[1840] We're going to be on serious too.

[1841] So when can I come on?

[1842] How do we do it?

[1843] We Skype or?

[1844] Uh, yeah, absolutely.

[1845] Anytime you want to do that, we can.

[1846] What, uh, serious?

[1847] Do you ever do it out here?

[1848] Do you do it live out here ever?

[1849] I mean, uh, we got to, I want to do a tour with him.

[1850] Yeah, you should do it, man. Listen, Tom Seguer and Christina Positzky, um, Duncan Trussell did doing that thing on tour.

[1851] Oh, really?

[1852] Across the country.

[1853] They do their podcast on tour.

[1854] Duncan loves it.

[1855] He said he loves it as much as he loves doing stand -up.

[1856] Well, I get a couple of live ones are pretty fun, man, but...

[1857] I've done Diaz's live.

[1858] I've done Kill Tony, Brian's live.

[1859] That's a lot of fun to do.

[1860] Kill Tony's hilarious.

[1861] You've done that one?

[1862] That's like that last night.

[1863] Oh, that's right.

[1864] That one was fun, man. All right.

[1865] We're out of here, you fucks.

[1866] We'll see you soon.

[1867] That's it for the week.

[1868] Be back on Monday.

[1869] Lots of great shit next week.

[1870] See ya.

[1871] Bye.

[1872] Thanks, man. I don't know.