Portraits of Grief From Uvalde

[0] From the New York Times, I'm Sabrina Tavernisi.

[1] This is the Daily.

[2] In the small and close -knit community of Uvaldi, Texas, the killing of 21 people at an elementary school has left few lives untouched.

[3] Over the past few days, my colleagues Rick Rojas, Natalie Kittreouf, Eduardo Medina, and I set out to tell some of those stories.

[4] It's Wednesday, June 1st.

[5] Hey, um, cool.

[6] Would you mind just spelling your name for me to make sure I have that right?

[7] G -E -M -M -A.

[8] And your last name?

[9] Lopez L -O -P -E -Z.

[10] And how old are you?

[11] Ten years old.

[12] And just to be sure you're her grandmother?

[13] Yes, I'm a grandma.

[14] All right?

[15] I have custody.

[16] Okay, okay.

[17] Great, great.

[18] So I guess first off, tell me about today.

[19] What have you been doing today?

[20] Today, I didn't just wake up.

[21] I woke up at seven because she just got here at seven.

[22] And then we did a lot of stuff.

[23] We're playing around.

[24] We were playing hide and seek for a little bit.

[25] We went to our grandpas.

[26] And then we were playing around with Alexis, my little cousin.

[27] Okay.

[28] And so what grade are you?

[29] I'm in fourth grade.

[30] Okay.

[31] So you've just been playing and just trying to take it easy today?

[32] Yeah, and then we got chicken, we ate it here, and then we were just playing around.

[33] Yeah.

[34] Nice.

[35] And so you're just, we're talking about your classroom being close to there.

[36] I mean, would you mind, I know it's difficult, but what do you remember from that day?

[37] What kind of...

[38] All I remember was...

[39] just in the morning we were just eating breakfast then we put on a movie the movie was i think the jungle cruise okay like in the middle of it we went to a p .e then we played a little bit more of the movie and then we went to the award ceremony and then when we came back we finished the movie and then we did like a little bit of her work and then we were just playing around playing around doing whatever we do.

[40] And then, like, all of a sudden, like, unexpectedly, I heard, like, gunshots, but I thought they were, like, firecrackers because, like, kids on a free time, like, they could mess around and everything.

[41] After, like, I heard that, like, I wasn't thinking of it as much.

[42] And then I just checked the window.

[43] Then I saw police officers, like, holding their gun.

[44] And then I heard a gunshot again.

[45] and then shot the top of the top of the wall.

[46] Then it went in between Jillis and Stacey and went close to my arm, but I missed my arm.

[47] And then I knew something was like so wrong.

[48] So everybody went under the, like, first I turned off the lights and everybody went under the table.

[49] They were scared and everything, but I was scared.

[50] I told them to be quiet.

[51] Then I heard a lot more of gunshots.

[52] I was crying a little bit, and my best friend, Sophia, was also crying right next to me. I mean, how do you see her doing?

[53] I mean, I guess how do you, I mean, you see your granddaughter go through something like this?

[54] I mean, how do you help her cope?

[55] Well, she would tell me that she went under the table, I said, well, that's good, Mama, you know, that's good.

[56] You know, she didn't ran or scream.

[57] She just went under the table.

[58] I mean, she cried a little bit, but, I mean, you know, she didn't panic that much.

[59] Yeah, yeah.

[60] And it's good that she turned off the light, you know.

[61] Oh, so you turned off the light in the class?

[62] Yeah, she turned out the light.

[63] Wow.

[64] And what made you think to do that?

[65] Because, like, we always have all these drills about, like, the lockdowns, and, like, they always should, like, turn off the lights instantly and, like, go hide.

[66] So I instantly just remember that, so I instantly did it.

[67] Okay, so have there been just like, they told you to do this, or did you actually practice this before?

[68] We practiced, like, a lot, logged down since, like, pre -care kindergarten.

[69] Wow.

[70] This is Jacob, yeah?

[71] Yes.

[72] A -L -B -A -R -A -D -O.

[73] That's your last name, right?

[74] Yes, correct.

[75] And are you in the Border Patrol?

[76] Yes.

[77] And so were you on duty at the time, or were you on?

[78] No, no. I was on duty.

[79] I was in my slacks and dress shoes because I had just, I had just left Rob because I was at an award ceremony.

[80] You were at an award ceremony for your daughter?

[81] Yes, correct.

[82] That goes there at Rob.

[83] She's in second grade at Rob.

[84] And my wife, and my wife teaches fourth grade at Rob.

[85] How did you hear that this was going on?

[86] As I was walking into the barbershop, he said, did you hear that?

[87] I said, no. I said, what are you talking about?

[88] I said, man, I think I heard gunshots.

[89] I said, no, I said, I didn't hear anything.

[90] I sit down and get my haircut, and nothing, we didn't get started at all.

[91] He received a text from his wife that Rob had a shooter, and then I received a text from my wife saying that there was an active shooter.

[92] So we just took off hauling butt to the school.

[93] was because you and the barber yes did the barber have a kid in the school too yes oh my gosh thankfully my barber had a shotgun i grabbed a shotgun and took off running towards the school you're kidding me then he had that in his car or something like did you run yeah he had in his truck do you remember what time this was around uh i took i took my messages yeah i took my messages it was like 1144 1547.

[94] So what were you thinking when you went in?

[95] I mean, when you went in there, were you just like, I'm going to save these kids?

[96] I mean, what was on your mind?

[97] What was going through your head?

[98] Seriously, I mean, seriously, I mean, seriously, I need to get my wife out.

[99] I need to get my daughter out.

[100] But, of course, I'm getting everyone else out as well.

[101] My wife got out.

[102] I was in contact with her, but I was still looking for my daughter.

[103] So from that point on, I just said, where's my daughter?

[104] Where's Jada?

[105] I ran towards the opposite wing to go get my daughter.

[106] My daughter was past the playground.

[107] So I went after her.

[108] I mean, I knew where she was at.

[109] My wife kept on telling me that she was in the restroom because she was, my wife was in contact with my daughter's teacher.

[110] I was looking for a restroom.

[111] I couldn't find a restroom, but apparently there's restrooms inside the classroom.

[112] But were you personally looking or were the agents looking?

[113] No, like I said, I ran over.

[114] I ran over there, and I was looking for the restroom, couldn't find the restroom.

[115] And then I told him, I said, we need to get these kids out of here.

[116] I take charge of every situation.

[117] I've had 13 years of law enforcement.

[118] Okay.

[119] I don't know how many years these other guys have, but I take control of every situation.

[120] Okay.

[121] So you were leading this team, basically?

[122] This makeshift team that I made, yes.

[123] And how did you make, like, you got to the scene, and what, did you just, like, see your colleagues and say, like, we're doing this?

[124] or how did you get the team together that fast?

[125] Yeah, I ran across, and I said, what's going on?

[126] They're all the kids around the room, like down.

[127] I said, man, I said, get these kids out of here.

[128] I said, these kids, we have, this is, this is our opportunity.

[129] This is our time to get the kids out.

[130] So I started clearing the rooms.

[131] And you had, like, you had just a bunch of your, a bunch of officers were out there, and so you were able to just get together a team right there.

[132] Yeah, it's a small, it's a small town.

[133] half these guys don't me, half these guys don't.

[134] They realized I was taking charge and they just listened.

[135] I was on the sidewalk.

[136] I sent two officers to open up the rooms and send them my way.

[137] Then I had another two officers pointing their guns towards where the active shooter was at.

[138] And then I had another two officers set up on the sidewalk so the kids can know where to go.

[139] I cleared out her whole wing of classes, which is like five or six classes.

[140] And then I finally see my daughter.

[141] And then I started clearing out the other wing.

[142] And then I see my daughter's best friend.

[143] I clear out all their clearing them all out, sitting them towards the parking lot, so then get off campus.

[144] So who knows if the shooter is going to be moving around?

[145] Who knows?

[146] But at that point in time, the shooter wasn't there, so I was getting everybody, anyone I could, off a campus.

[147] How many kids do you think you cleared out?

[148] Five, six classes on one wing, which is about 20 -something kids, a class, and then another wing, which is another five.

[149] five, six classes, another 20 -something kids a class.

[150] Wow.

[151] So, easy, I say 200 kids.

[152] Wow.

[153] Did you see your daughter come out?

[154] Were you able to give her a hug?

[155] No, no, yeah.

[156] No, I saw her.

[157] I saw her.

[158] I smiled at her, and it was a big relief that she was fine, yes.

[159] I think I might have given her a hug and just kept on moving the kids along.

[160] I did what I'm trained to do.

[161] Hi.

[162] I don't know if I'm in the right place.

[163] I was looking for Ruben.

[164] Ruben?

[165] No, he's not there right now.

[166] He's next door.

[167] He's next door?

[168] Yeah.

[169] Yes, man. He's next door.

[170] Yeah.

[171] But he's not there right now.

[172] Okay.

[173] It wants to be alone.

[174] I mean, everything that happened to him.

[175] It's just so crazy is what I'm believable.

[176] I work at the hospital, so.

[177] You do?

[178] Yes.

[179] I work at the hospital.

[180] Oh, my God.

[181] I just can't get out of my mind.

[182] I just, I can't sleep.

[183] Everything since that, I couldn't sleep.

[184] I just can't sleep.

[185] I just hear the screaming.

[186] Everything, I just share everything.

[187] It's just crazy.

[188] Oh my gosh.

[189] I never thought it was happening.

[190] But what you did?

[191] What's your name again?

[192] Natalie.

[193] Natalie.

[194] Yeah, what's your name?

[195] My name is Ricky.

[196] Yes, ma 'am.

[197] Nice to meet you.

[198] What do you do with the hospital?

[199] I'm a groundskeeper.

[200] This is a...

[201] I have my grandson, my two guys are going to school there.

[202] And I have a niece that was going.

[203] They're okay, but they're just checking up.

[204] I guess they saw what they saw.

[205] It's just crazy.

[206] But yeah, I just, I believe.

[207] I just can't sleep.

[208] I can hear the screaming, the yelling.

[209] And what I saw, I'm going to bring the kids when they were bringing them in.

[210] It was just, I could see the kids when the door were open to the emergency room.

[211] You can see the kids when they're coming in.

[212] It's just unbelievable.

[213] When you were hearing the screaming, who was screaming?

[214] The parents, when they were going to know the bad news.

[215] They were just seeing the children, you see it.

[216] No, motherfucker, no. And in the walls, I can hear that.

[217] I can hear that.

[218] The fear, the sadness, everything, the anger, they're fulfilling, and it was just my body, I mean, I grab goosebumps, I had goosebumps, I mean, man, I'm lucky, thank you God, but you know, what about the other kids?

[219] I mean, how many parents did you see like that?

[220] Oh, man, the whole hospital was full.

[221] Man, the whole hospital was full.

[222] The whole hospital was full.

[223] Parents going, sitting down, just shocked, and, I mean, there's something that, I don't know, just something that just can't get out of my mind.

[224] And the nights, sometimes I can't sleep, I'm just here.

[225] I can hear the echo in my rings and screaming, the pain they were in and stuff like that.

[226] It's just, but I think I'm going to go to counseling here tomorrow.

[227] I think I'm going to go to counseling because I just, this was never me. But I mean, I thought I've never seen something like that.

[228] You see it in the movies or hear it out of ear, but...

[229] When you, when you, like, can't sleep at night, are you hearing a specific thing that they're saying?

[230] No, no, no, that's the only thing I can...

[231] No, the parents, no, fuck, no. Boom, boom, boom, fuck, no, boom, boom, white, no, no. It's just, man. You're going to go do some counseling, right?

[232] Yes, yes, I got to.

[233] It's just kicking my head.

[234] I mean, I just feel, I don't know, I feel weird.

[235] I wish I could have done something, but I came.

[236] I mean, it just.

[237] Yeah.

[238] Do you think anything is going to change because of all this?

[239] I'm hoping so, Natalie.

[240] I'm hoping so.

[241] Something's got to change.

[242] I mean, come on.

[243] I'm just too much already.

[244] I'm so sorry for what you had to go through.

[245] That's okay.

[246] Thank you.

[247] I'm going to send you a note, okay?

[248] I'm going to send you a text.

[249] I'm going to also write.

[250] All right.

[251] Ricardo, right?

[252] So I'm Dr. Ronald Stewart.

[253] I'm a trauma surgeon at university hospital in San Antonio.

[254] And I've been here for, I guess, more or less 40 years.

[255] Oh, wow.

[256] I've been faculty since 1993.

[257] So you've seen a lot of trauma surgery over the year?

[258] I have.

[259] I've treated lots of patients with firearm injuries and gunshot wounds over the years.

[260] And then we had the Southern Springs, First Baptist Church, mass shooting.

[261] That was the shooting in 2017, if I'm not mistaken, right?

[262] Yes.

[263] Where 26 people were killed.

[264] Yeah.

[265] On that note, Dr. Stewart, I wanted to turn to Tuesday in the shooting in Yuvaldi.

[266] Yes.

[267] So bring me back to the beginning of that day.

[268] How did it begin for you?

[269] What was the morning like?

[270] So I had a 7 a .m. meeting.

[271] Then I had another meeting with our chief medical officer, just normal daily activities.

[272] And then sometime at around, I guess, probably around 1130 or noon, got notification that there was first responders responding to a shooting with in an elementary school.

[273] What was the first thing that came to your mind?

[274] The first thing.

[275] The first thing, honestly, I think, would be sadness, emotion of sadness, the first.

[276] First emotion.

[277] And a wish to hope that it's not accurate, you know, that it's not the report.

[278] it's not right.

[279] But then really, you know, just probably a few seconds later, it's like, okay, so our job is to prepare at that time for whatever comes our way.

[280] And what's the first thing you see once people start to arrive?

[281] We received three children in one adult.

[282] And we have a children who were, you know, elementary age children, who, so they're small and critically old patients are intubated.

[283] And these wounds are, the wounds that we saw were typical of high -energy wounds from high -velocity firearms.

[284] You know, typical, you know, 12 muzzle velocity of, say, 800 to 1 ,200 feet per second, a handgun muscle velocity, you have an entrance wound and you may or may not have an exit wound and you have two holes and that's what you have.

[285] With these sorts of wounds, you have, you know, big defects in tissue.

[286] It's destroyed.

[287] It's open.

[288] That's what you're seeing.

[289] And Dr. Stewart, what will you most remember from that day?

[290] To me, people working together to help another person, a child when they need it the most, is the most beautiful thing.

[291] I'm a photographer and I consciously look for beauty in the world, but the most beautiful thing that I see is people working together to help somebody when they need it the most.

[292] It's like watching a symphony that all the parts are different.

[293] but all working together towards a common goal that I will remember that's the beauty that's the beauty you know probably the thing I'll remember the most negative is the conversation with the child who's describing the events the events of the scene the horror of the events the events the actuality we weren't asking what happened they just started talking about what happen.

[294] That to me is the most, that thing I will remember.

[295] Yeah.

[296] And, you know, I feel, I feel kind of bad and guilty and that maybe I feel like I'm focused on, you know, how I feel a little bit, but because obviously the impact to the, to the patient and families is really, is nothing compared to anything that I go through or we go through.

[297] It's nothing.

[298] It's pales in comparison, you know.

[299] Oh.

[300] Yeah.

[301] I'd love to make sure I have the spelling of your names correct, if that's okay.

[302] Okay.

[303] Kimberly Rubio, right?

[304] Yes.

[305] Got K -I -M -B -E -R -L -Y?

[306] Yes.

[307] And then Rubio, R -U -B -I -O?

[308] Yes.

[309] Sir, would you be comfortable if I include your name in there?

[310] That's fine.

[311] Perfect.

[312] How do I spell it?

[313] Felix, F -E -L -I -X.

[314] Mm -hmm.

[315] And then Rubio.

[316] Do you, would you be comfortable if I include your daughter's age in the story as well?

[317] Yes, fine.

[318] She's 10.

[319] 10, perfect.

[320] And they need to know how old she was.

[321] Mm -hmm.

[322] I don't know where you'd want to start, but something we've been asking today is, is if parents were there at the school when the officers were there, and if so, what you saw and what you made of the response there from the law enforcement.

[323] we were there for first of all we had two kids on campus um my son is in second grade and my daughter was in fourth grade we went to his award ceremony at eight and we left and we went back at the first was at 1030 uh she got two awards the good citizen award and the um a honor roll uh we took pictures um with her and then my mother -in -law said that we would get her ice cream after school she loves ice cream she always wants ice cream it sounds to me like she was a brilliant girl can you tell me more about that was she always very studious always our husband has said it before she is the student every teacher wants because she does everything that's asked of her she's she's you never have to tell her to do her homework.

[324] She does everything.

[325] She's very competitive.

[326] They have a, like, a program for, like, math to help them and they get points.

[327] And she was just back and forth with this one student one year because she wanted to be first.

[328] Yes, she wanted to be first.

[329] Wow.

[330] Really quiet.

[331] We talked about this, though.

[332] When she had a point that she wanted across, she made it.

[333] She would This is my first question, but it's just coming to mind now.

[334] How do I spell your daughter's name?

[335] A -N -D -R -I -A.

[336] And then Lexi for her nickname, L -E -X -I.

[337] Gareth Alexandria, Anaya Rubio.

[338] Yes.

[339] A powerful name, that is.

[340] Well, we thought about it.

[341] I always think about what it sounds like when they call it big graduation.

[342] And we waited a long time.

[343] We couldn't come up with a name for her.

[344] Very last minute.

[345] Very last minute they told us, hey, if you want to leave tomorrow, we need you to fill this out now.

[346] Exaggerial, it's just perfect.

[347] It's a beautiful name.

[348] Yeah.

[349] I'd love to know from you, if there are particular messages, you want to make sure people understand from someone who's at the core of this terrible tragedy.

[350] we live in this really small town in this red state and everyone keeps telling us you know that it's not the time to be political but it is it is i don't want this to happen to anybody else i got home my mom told me that the governor was here and then you wanted to come and meet with the families and my first thought was my like She doesn't even like him.

[351] She was really little, but we talked about the stuff at home.

[352] You know, we talked about women's rights, and she was a budding feminist, you know?

[353] Like, she was...

[354] Yeah.

[355] And this is her husband.

[356] Next is dad.

[357] Hi, sir.

[358] And, like my wife, say, we just want to get the point across.

[359] We'll be here all the time.

[360] Someone needs to come with a solution, it's just painful.

[361] It really is.

[362] Our baby was taking, and she's taking.

[363] They don't care about me. I don't care about my baby.

[364] She doesn't even understand why your niece is kind of a rapist.

[365] I suppose, do you mean?

[366] Is it really worth my baby?

[367] Is it really worth all of these babies?

[368] Hmm.

[369] On Tuesday, funerals for the children killed at Rob Elementary began, in Yuvaldi.

[370] Many of them will be buried in specially designed caskets, decorated with their favorite sports and cartoon characters.

[371] We'll be right back.

[372] Here's what else you need to know today.

[373] On Tuesday, the Supreme Court blocked a Texas law that would ban large social media companies from removing posts based on the views contained in them.

[374] The case is moving through the lower courts, and the five -to -four vote suspends the Texas law, while it is being litigated.

[375] Supporters of the law say it was an attempt to combat what they called Silicon Valley's censorship of conservative views.

[376] The law was prompted in part by the decisions of some platforms to bar former President Donald Trump after the January 6th attack on the Capitol.

[377] The case may well eventually end up at the Supreme Court.

[378] Justice Samuel Alito wrote in a dissent that the issues raised in it were so novel and significant that the court would have to consider them at some point.

[379] Today's episode was produced by Diana Wynn, Asta Chaturvedi, and Claire Tennis Ketter, with help from Will Reed and Eric Kruppi.

[380] It was edited by Michael Benoit with help from Lisa Chow.

[381] Contains original music by Alicia Bitu, Marion Lazzano, and Dan Powell, and was engineered by Corey Shreple.

[382] Special thanks to Jack Healy, Francis Robles, Josh Peck, Edgar Sandoval, Jasmine Ulloa, and Nicholas Bogle Burroughs.

[383] Our theme music is by Jim Brunberg and Ben Landsberg of Wonderly.

[384] That's it for the Daily.

[385] I'm Sabrina Tavernisi.

[386] See you tomorrow.