LIVE FROM SANTA FE: David Walton

[0] He's an armchairxswain Guys, I wore my tightest overalls tonight for you First, I want to thank New Mexico True, who sponsored this event, who brought us out here.

[1] Also, I just want to thank the kind folks at Lazy Boy, who always, what they do is they make sure I'm always comfortable in a Lazy Boy.

[2] And then we donate this to Habitat for Humanity.

[3] I want to thank Lazy Boy, too.

[4] We are truly, truly excited to be here.

[5] We first were nervous.

[6] We thought if we go to Santa Fe, can we fill a theater?

[7] How many people live in Santa Fe?

[8] How many are under 86?

[9] We were very, very touched to see the response.

[10] Oh, I have to say something heartbreaking.

[11] So we were at our hotel tonight before we left, and we bumped into a family who they flew from Denver to come to this show.

[12] Oh, more than one.

[13] Okay.

[14] And, of course, we were in Denver last.

[15] And I felt very bad.

[16] So Monica will refund all the money you guys have spent.

[17] She has a briefcase full of it.

[18] Speaking of the most beautiful woodland creature and all the land, let's bring mini mouse out here!

[19] So tonight, one of my really good friends was kind enough to fly here from Los Angeles.

[20] And we met on Parenthood.

[21] He did an episode of Parenthood, and then I did an episode of his show, and you probably know him from About a Boy.

[22] He was in Bad Moms.

[23] David Walton, he's the handsomest, funniest guy I know.

[24] Please put your hands together.

[25] Just last week, the commercial Every Kiss Begins with K. You know the jingle, Every Kiss Begins with K. Yeah.

[26] I was like, what kind of horseshit is that?

[27] That's not true.

[28] And I was not realizing it was the letter K. Yeah.

[29] I just realized that as well, thank you.

[30] I've never understood a music lyric in my life.

[31] Good loving, I always thought it was like, too -to -love, you know, that's kind of things.

[32] Sure, well, I was reading a book about 10 years ago, and it said, you know, this animal had eaten an acorn, and I said to Kristen, hon, what is an acorn?

[33] And she's like, a fucking acorn.

[34] I can't explain to you what that's like what is a glass of water and I'm like I need more help she's like they fall out oak trees I guess and squirrels in and like an egg corn it makes a lot of sense to think it was egg corn because it's shaped like an egg by the way happy Easter tomorrow everybody timely story also also happy 420 I hope some people are stone Walton, are you a little wound up on the marijuana for this occasion?

[35] I haven't had any tonight.

[36] I have been enjoying it throughout my stay here in Santa Fe.

[37] It's a wonderful place.

[38] I also have two young children, so this is this being recorded?

[39] Yeah, yeah.

[40] Parts of it.

[41] Okay.

[42] You are from Boston, Massachusetts.

[43] Yeah, correct.

[44] But a suburb, I would imagine, right?

[45] Yeah, Chessna Hill, right where Boston College is.

[46] And what did dad do?

[47] He's a real estate developer.

[48] He was.

[49] He retired like 10 years ago, but he was a company called Leggett McCall properties.

[50] And was it like commercial stuff?

[51] Someone in hollered.

[52] Yeah, Leggett McCall.

[53] Someone bought a small office building from Leggett McCall.

[54] What did you say?

[55] That is amazing.

[56] That is amazing.

[57] Leggett McCall.

[58] Yeah, they are a successful real estate company that had office buildings up and down the East Coast.

[59] Yeah.

[60] Yeah, he was a successful man. Do you ever have anxiety about acknowledging that?

[61] that?

[62] I am extremely nervous right now.

[63] Yeah.

[64] If I meet an adult who was a kid with rich parents and they're not a piece of shit, I find that so much more impressive than like poor kids turning out all right, you know?

[65] I think percentage -wise, the deck was stacked against you.

[66] Yeah, turning into a real asshole.

[67] Yeah, he was successful and honestly, I had every privilege, you know, words being thrown around a lot obviously now.

[68] And I truly did.

[69] And so I guess I'm supposed to feel quite a bit of shame these days about that.

[70] As you should.

[71] Yeah.

[72] Okay.

[73] Let's start by saying anything you've accomplished, you haven't.

[74] Yeah.

[75] No, I think, I've said it on the podcast before.

[76] I found white privilege to be a triggering word for me, because I did feel like you're saying, like someone knocked on my door and said, hey, want to be on TV?

[77] And I said, I guess.

[78] But when it was explained to me that no your life will be hard but just being white won't be one of the reasons it's hard does it trigger you at all it really doesn't I'm not to get all serious but I have started to really look and be like oh I have had extraordinary advantages yeah and I just learned this word intersectionality does everyone know that one which you have none of and I have none of zero yeah yeah yeah we're at the intersection of white and tall male So if we don't watch our step, we might end up to be president.

[79] What are you doing?

[80] I just wanted to get a gander at Walton's profile.

[81] So handsome.

[82] We're middle -aged.

[83] That's what no one really talks about either, is there's obviously whites a privilege, males a privilege.

[84] I would say tall's a privilege.

[85] Yeah.

[86] Well, it is a privilege because it feels powerful.

[87] Right.

[88] So there's some, like, innate power that comes with looming over people, scaring them.

[89] Like you do.

[90] Guys, how cute does miniature mouse look?

[91] She got a new headband last night.

[92] I got this as a gift yesterday.

[93] It's a cherry mini -mouse headband.

[94] Yeah.

[95] And I'm wearing it.

[96] Yeah.

[97] Okay, back to our white privilege.

[98] Where were we?

[99] Yeah, and I realize now talking to you, I think I hit it when I moved to Los Angeles because a lot of people in the entertainment business aren't coming from this sort of classic like New England old kind of patrician thing.

[100] And so I would feel sort of a shame, and I would try to hide that, you know, honestly, I could go to every private school.

[101] I wasn't a spoiled kid, one of seven children, but like, you know, if I wanted to play saxophone, they're like, here's your saxophone.

[102] Here's a gold saxophone.

[103] Here's a really nice saxophone.

[104] It's a golden diamond saxophone that we bought from the Coltrane estate.

[105] Yes, basically.

[106] Can't wait to hear a little lamb on it, you spoiled prick.

[107] I know, I'm so uncomfortable talking about it.

[108] Yeah, of course.

[109] Well, Monica exposed that we had flown on a private airplane to Texas, and I almost left the stage.

[110] I was so nervous of what people would think about me. Yeah, I think people are rightfully angry at rich people.

[111] And I would never say, like, oh, I was a rich person or anything like that.

[112] Honestly, as a child, you know, whatever your life is, but, like, if I wanted something in a toy store, I would never get it.

[113] It wasn't Silver Spoons.

[114] You didn't have a train or anything.

[115] No. Or, like, the huge stockings that they could hide in.

[116] Like, my butler never gave me anything.

[117] He didn't.

[118] But you were one of seven.

[119] In what order are you in that?

[120] I'm fifth.

[121] Basically, I have two half -brothers, so my mom had two kids.

[122] She married my dad.

[123] They banged out two girls.

[124] And then I came along, the boy, finally my dad had a boy.

[125] And then I think what basically happened was we were all three years apart.

[126] And then, like, when I was six -month -old, my mother took my dad to his favorite restaurant and broke the news that not only was she pregnant, but she had twins.

[127] Ooh.

[128] And he, I think, belted back about seven martinis.

[129] Sure.

[130] So seven children.

[131] And those are girls.

[132] So I was going to be the youngest sort of doted on.

[133] Yeah.

[134] But what I ended up becoming was sandwiched between an incredible amount of estrogen.

[135] Sure.

[136] Sure.

[137] Yeah.

[138] But your dad, really quick, he must have been a pretty cool dude that he met a gal with a couple of kids.

[139] It was like, yeah, I'm signing up for this.

[140] Not so much.

[141] That's not how it was.

[142] No, I honestly, I don't know.

[143] I ask about that time.

[144] My mom was and is very beautiful.

[145] And my dad is a handsome, charming fellow.

[146] And I think that generation, they're in their 70s and late 70s now.

[147] And it was just a different time.

[148] It was sort of like, you're beautiful.

[149] You have a way about moving.

[150] I want to marry you.

[151] Sure.

[152] Yeah, you know.

[153] Who are these people?

[154] Oh, those are your stepchildren.

[155] I think of my mom got married a ton of times.

[156] and she had three, and what a testament to her looks, you know?

[157] We were terrible children on top of it.

[158] Yeah.

[159] Like when you met us, something was on fire, generally.

[160] Beautiful woman.

[161] What's funny is right when I met you, you do strike me as someone who had older sisters because guys generally who have older sisters are just better guys, I think, in general.

[162] I think so.

[163] You're very comfy with your feminine side.

[164] Can we say that?

[165] Yeah, yeah.

[166] I mean, I think that's why we get along so well, Dad.

[167] I do too.

[168] That's why we kissed on the mouth when we came out here.

[169] I think there are a lot of reasons why you kissed on the mouth.

[170] Did you crave attention with two super -needy twins?

[171] I'm sure that's hard as hell to...

[172] That was tough in looking hindsight on that.

[173] I was sort of lost, you know.

[174] My older sisters, like, kind of tortured me, you know, and a 12 -year -old girl has a lot of hormones ripping through them.

[175] Sure, sure.

[176] And I was like a cute little boy.

[177] Yeah.

[178] There was so much pinching my ass.

[179] I mean, an incredible amount of pinching my ass.

[180] So the one that was three years older, did, like, she have sleepovers and the girls would, like, sneak into your room and kiss you?

[181] Yeah, I mean, I would raid my three -year -old sister.

[182] I would raid her underwear drawer a lot with my friends and be like, check out this braw and stuff like that.

[183] Sure, sure, sure, sure.

[184] Sure.

[185] Sure.

[186] Sure.

[187] Sure, sure.

[188] Sure, sure.

[189] Absolutely.

[190] Absolutely.

[191] I love it.

[192] Who hasn't?

[193] Who hasn't?

[194] And she was kind of close enough in age where I wanted to be her age.

[195] So, like, I'm 12.

[196] I still have a high voice.

[197] She's 15.

[198] The girls she's hanging out with are just mesmerizing.

[199] And so she'd be like, I'm going to play, spin the bottle.

[200] You are not allowed.

[201] And I would be begging.

[202] And she would say, you can play next time.

[203] She was very good at lying to me. Uh -huh.

[204] But then the idea of, like, being in the room and playing, and spin the bottle with your sister is disgusting, right?

[205] Well, it depends what else is on the table.

[206] Like, you could probably get through it if, like, one of her friends is young Alyssa Milano or something from...

[207] Seems all very game of thrones to me. I think if you guys spun on each other, people would understand if you didn't follow through.

[208] I think people would get it.

[209] You'd probably get a sibling pass on it.

[210] Yeah, I think that'd be fine.

[211] Did you ever kiss any of your sister's buddies?

[212] Male or female?

[213] Now that I think about it.

[214] Yeah, yeah.

[215] That was later, though, like later.

[216] 15 and 18.

[217] Yeah, like, right when she'd be in college and I was in high school and, like, you know, yeah, yeah.

[218] And she'd be, like, very upset with me because she'd be like, that girl was not, you know, for you.

[219] Yeah, she knew a lot about that particular girl.

[220] Did you ever date one of your sister's friends, secretly?

[221] I believe I did, yes, thanks.

[222] Yeah, yeah.

[223] Boy, you had the life I dreamed of fucking train in your living room, stocking's the size of a. Volkswagen and making it out with her.

[224] Sisters, older, friends.

[225] That's what that profile will get you.

[226] Yeah.

[227] Get you a lot.

[228] That was truly chaos in that house.

[229] So much crying.

[230] Oh, my God.

[231] Incredible amount of emoting in my house.

[232] Yeah.

[233] My best friend Ryan Hansen has three daughters, and I have two daughters, and we all are together nonstop, and he and I have been socking away a little money to get an apartment in downtown L .A. so as soon as everyone hits of age and every one's cycle gets synced up he and I'll just bounce for three days and be like, good luck everybody!

[234] Tell us how it works out.

[235] Now, you went to a series of private schools were any of them co -ed?

[236] Yes, so my first nine years were at the school called Dexter in Boston, which is actually where JFK went and Neil Armstrong.

[237] It's got a good alumni.

[238] I'm so glad you offered that up because one of my questions was what famous people went to your private school?

[239] But it was extremely strict.

[240] No arts program, single file, coat and tie, sort of Catholic base, but you didn't have to be Catholic to go.

[241] Yeah, but that was nine years of all boys.

[242] And then I was a very late bloomer, didn't hit puberty until pretty late.

[243] So my mom evidently was like, you're going to go to your sister school, which was a co -ed private school, right literally across the street.

[244] And then later in life, she's like, I didn't want you going to boarding school.

[245] school, which is kind of what you do in New England, I didn't want you going to boarding school without hair on your balls.

[246] Oh, really?

[247] Wow.

[248] Good for her.

[249] Good looking out, Mom.

[250] Honestly.

[251] Yeah.

[252] Honestly, because you're communal showers, which we can parlay there if you'd like.

[253] Yeah.

[254] But you played hockey, right?

[255] Was that your sport growing up, as I recall?

[256] Yeah, hockey player.

[257] Certain kind of gal who likes hockey players.

[258] I'm married to one of them.

[259] Yeah, my sisters all like hockey players.

[260] They like those big butts.

[261] Yeah.

[262] Powerful.

[263] Palaches and hindquarters.

[264] Yeah.

[265] So in that setting, the hockey setting, surely you're doing some showering, yeah, with the gang.

[266] It cannot be this way anymore.

[267] But Dexter, that school I was telling you about, you went full communal shower from kindergarten to eighth with your teachers.

[268] No!

[269] No. What?

[270] Swear to God.

[271] Oh, those Catholic school, huh?

[272] And all boys' schools.

[273] Can't say I'm super surprised.

[274] God.

[275] Swear to God.

[276] And I remember this because my teacher was hung like a moose.

[277] I mean, honestly.

[278] Wow, wow, wow, wow.

[279] And he was a wonderful guy.

[280] He really is.

[281] Trustworthy.

[282] He's a wonderful guy.

[283] I still know him to this day.

[284] He's a good man. A good, good man. He wouldn't worry about just soaping his balls, staring it like this.

[285] And you are prepubescent.

[286] This is the weirdest world to me. JFK went.

[287] Wow.

[288] Now, we meet Mr. Jackson, and then did it occur to you like, I'm going to see him nude in a few hours?

[289] But like anything, you're a kid, it's just completely normal.

[290] That's normal.

[291] Yeah, you're just like, oh, I've got to go shower with my teachers now, and then I'm going to be my teacher.

[292] Me and my teacher are going to go hit the showers and clean up.

[293] Why the fuck does the teacher even need to shower this?

[294] Yeah, why do they need to be?

[295] I guess.

[296] Why is anyone showering at Because we'd have football practice.

[297] You know that famous JFK picture where he's no face mask, he's wearing the helmet?

[298] Yeah.

[299] That's what we were doing.

[300] We were playing football and then he'd hit the showers.

[301] But again, the teacher's not breaking a sweat telling you to run.

[302] Oh, fuck, I got to hit the showers after this.

[303] I blew the whistle 40 times.

[304] There's zero reason for that man to be taking a shower.

[305] Correct.

[306] These are solid points.

[307] Jack doesn't hit the showers.

[308] Gotta keep it clean.

[309] Got to keep it clean.

[310] You got to be clean.

[311] But at a certain point, you did go away, right, to a boarding school.

[312] You went somewhere in New Hampshire.

[313] Yeah, I went to St. Paul's where, who went there?

[314] A lot of people.

[315] Mueller?

[316] Mueller?

[317] Rob Ballard.

[318] So what led to you going to the boarding school?

[319] Well, there's a popular misconception.

[320] I don't know if anyone has this, but like boarding school is like punishment, you know, or like you're a bad kid, and so you go to boarding school.

[321] In New England, it's actually very common.

[322] It's like where they teach you how to hide.

[323] your money, ought to buy your way out of vehicular manslaughter.

[324] Yeah.

[325] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[326] Exactly.

[327] No, but even back in the day, like at the turn of the century, you would go there and you would just sign up for Harvard, Yale, or Princeton.

[328] It was like that.

[329] Really?

[330] Literally fill it out.

[331] Really?

[332] Yeah, and then you would go.

[333] Fast track.

[334] Yes.

[335] So that's not what it is at all now.

[336] Now it's truly a wonderful school, almost need blind, you know, meaning, you know, whatever your financial circumstance, you're going to go get an incredible education on 2 ,000 kind of pristine acres in New Hampshire.

[337] So it's a really, obviously, still steeped in this sort of current climate of like, you're going to get into Harvard because your dad donated the building.

[338] There's still that to a certain extent there, but it's moving in the direction.

[339] It should be moving.

[340] And were you scared to go do that, to leave home and not?

[341] Not even close because all my, I'm one of seven and every single one of them went to boarding school.

[342] Oh, really?

[343] Yeah, yeah.

[344] It was just like what you did.

[345] Now, as a parent, though, you have a, a daughter and a boy.

[346] Can you imagine just getting rid of them for four years?

[347] Right now I can't, actually.

[348] I've been sharing a hotel room at Santa Fe for four days.

[349] That's true.

[350] I think you start becoming aware of what a finite amount of time it is where you're going to shortly only be seeing them at Christmas, and that's heartbreaking.

[351] I just can't imagine going like, let's move that up four years.

[352] I know.

[353] It's hard, but at the same time, have you, like, hung out with a 15 -year -old girl recently?

[354] All the time, Dave.

[355] No, I don't know what, I think it will be, you know, kid by kid, but I just had that moment, that sort of sad moment, right?

[356] My daughter, Susie, was about to turn seven in June 14th, and she'll be halfway to 14, which is sort of when you go away to these places.

[357] And I was like, ooh, I'm halfway there.

[358] That's tough.

[359] So you would send?

[360] I would, you know, I think I would probably have to move closer.

[361] I don't know if I could stay in L .A. and do it.

[362] In high school, did you already think you wanted to be an actor?

[363] no i uh because that aforementioned communal shower school dexter they didn't have an arts program it was like really just latin and yeah mathematics and that old school thing my origin story of becoming an actor was uh lord of the flies was doing a nationwide search you know that movie or that book lord of the fly they were searching for all these children and they came to boston and they went to this other boys school called pheasant and they didn't come to my school and i remember being so ripshit that i hadn't had the opportunity to do it and i was like nine or whatever and i remember that and i remember that anger, often anger is a good teaching, like it's a sign of something.

[364] And so I sort of held that.

[365] And then when I got to the St. Paul's School, they had a what's called a third form play, which is a freshman play.

[366] And that was my first thing.

[367] So it was like a first opportunity that I could ever act.

[368] And it's just guys there.

[369] So it's like back to Shakespearean times.

[370] Are you wearing a wig and stuff?

[371] No, no. St. Paul's was very much co -ed.

[372] Oh, yeah.

[373] Oh, it was.

[374] Oh, yeah.

[375] Oh, fantastic.

[376] Oh, you're living with girls.

[377] You're showering with your female teachers, be in your male.

[378] Oh, yeah.

[379] Yeah, yeah.

[380] That's great.

[381] Yeah, that's great.

[382] Oh, so are they, they were in, like, on the same campus, but different dorms?

[383] Oh, yeah.

[384] It's called intervisitation, and you're allowed to go into their room and close the door.

[385] No!

[386] Oh, yeah.

[387] Yeah.

[388] Highly recommend it.

[389] Yeah.

[390] I'm now very jealous.

[391] Well, you're living with your friends.

[392] It's an incredibly fun experience.

[393] So you do plays in high school, and you enjoy that, and then you get into Brown.

[394] So you must have been a good student, I would presume, right?

[395] Yeah, I was pretty good.

[396] I sort of did the barement of.

[397] That's always been a really sort of terrible motto, honestly.

[398] It's just like do the least amount to have...

[399] I find it charming in you.

[400] Thank you.

[401] So what did you major in at Brown?

[402] Psychology.

[403] I don't know why.

[404] I said it like that.

[405] Maybe you could unpack it.

[406] Yeah, maybe that's it.

[407] No, but truthfully, I was very liberal arts.

[408] I didn't have any kind of passion.

[409] The whole passion thing, like do what you're passionate about.

[410] Never really rung true for me. I'm not sure that's the best advice for people.

[411] Oh, is to, like, isolate what your passion is and then run towards it?

[412] Well, I don't think a lot of people, I think if that was the case, then everyone would become professional Fortnite players.

[413] Do you know what I mean?

[414] A lot of guys are passionate about that.

[415] They're the most passionate.

[416] The most passionate, yeah.

[417] And there's a lot of people that don't have, quote -unquote, passions.

[418] A passion has become this word that's so, like, huge and it's so weighted.

[419] D daunting.

[420] Yeah, and so people are like, is that really a passion, man?

[421] I like it.

[422] So I just find it to be a little bit misleading.

[423] Yeah, I'm not sure it's the best advice.

[424] all.

[425] Maybe I'm a contrarian.

[426] No, no, I think there's truth in that.

[427] So, you majored in psychology, and now at what point do you go, I think I'm going to move to Los Angeles and pursue acting?

[428] Well, I moved to New York right after September 11th.

[429] It's actually going to move there on that day, and then it happened.

[430] So I waited a month or so, and I went there.

[431] I moved to Los Angeles with a television show.

[432] So I got cast in a show called Cracking Up with Jason Schwartzman, Molly Shannon, and Chris McDonald.

[433] Yeah, and how did you end up getting cast on it?

[434] I did a play in New York that a Fox executive came and saw, and she liked me, and then brought me in for a general with Marsha Shulman, who's the head of Fox casting.

[435] And I was a knife salesman at the time.

[436] Knife?

[437] Yeah, cut -co knives.

[438] Any cut -co knife sales?

[439] Yeah.

[440] Great product.

[441] It's an excellent product, 440 -gauge carbon stainless steel, thermo -resin handles, nickel -plated rivets, really great, great product.

[442] an ex -girlfriend of mine sold cut -coat knives and I don't think I've witnessed anything cuter my whole life than watching her saw a pop can in half and then taking a tomato and cutting it in half yeah yeah yeah a soda can a pop oh sorry it's so charming so I have to imagine you were moving a lot of cut -co knives though I was the number one knife salesman in the month of February in 2003 yeah thank you I don't doubt that Well, I found a woman who was borderline psychotic who had a black American Express card.

[443] Okay.

[444] And she didn't even let me do the damage.

[445] She's like, I'll buy whatever you want.

[446] Tell me what's going on in your life.

[447] Really?

[448] And I'm pretty sure she bought about 24 grand in knives.

[449] So I got a little help.

[450] Yeah.

[451] I got a little help for that woman.

[452] Was that a family?

[453] Look, the truth is the knives sell themselves.

[454] The fucking quality products.

[455] Yeah.

[456] Anyway, so Marcia Shulman, I sold her a studio set.

[457] No lie.

[458] No, wait, in the casting meeting?

[459] Yeah, the general meeting with the casting woman.

[460] I sold her a four -piece set.

[461] It's a nice starter set.

[462] And she was tickled by it, and she was like, this guy just sold me four knives.

[463] Like, I got to do something for him, so she gave me what's called a holding deal.

[464] Which is unheard of on a one meeting.

[465] I was living with two disgusting men in an eight -floor walk -up and Tribeca, because not to be a privileged thing, but when you graduate college and my family, you're cut off.

[466] not like you get anything.

[467] Right.

[468] So, you know, I was struggling and I was grinding.

[469] And then all of a sudden she gave me this like huge holding deals.

[470] Basically, they give you money just to be with Fox.

[471] So you can't go to CBS or NBC or ABC.

[472] That's incredible to get something.

[473] What age were you at that point?

[474] 23.

[475] And literally they flew me out to L .A. and town carded me to auditions.

[476] It was insane.

[477] That's charm.

[478] It was amazing.

[479] And I got the show and I felt so cocky.

[480] I felt so like, oh, I'm amazing.

[481] It was actually the, the worst thing that could have happened to me because I was like, I barely tried to get it and it all happened.

[482] And so for the next year and a half, I was just, oh, I'm just like made of, and I did not work for a single millisecond.

[483] I mean, all the money that I made and that thing dwindled away and my nice house that I, you know, used that money for, all of a sudden I was asking people to room with me. And all of a sudden, I was basically operating a fraternity house, you know, so that I could only pay 200 bucks a month.

[484] But Marcia, if you're listening, I hope those are working out for you.

[485] And if they're not, there's a forever guarantee on those pieces of a couple.

[486] So give me a call.

[487] What's great about David's story, what's interesting about it, is many times you must have thought, oh, it's done.

[488] I did it.

[489] I'm on the fast track.

[490] Yeah.

[491] Yes.

[492] And so that show in particular, right, that was created by Mike White.

[493] Yeah.

[494] Who had just done School of Rock.

[495] So in your mind, you must be thinking, well, this is, I'm done.

[496] I'm going to be on this thing for the next seven years.

[497] Oh, yeah.

[498] start shopping for a boat oh man yeah i was the dumbest i like the most cliche dumb reaction to that kind of thing yeah honestly i didn't work for a year and a half and i went on broke and a girlfriend at the time like i went from like sexy like uh star on the rise to like now she's visiting and there's like four strangers in the house walking through honestly she gave me an ultimatum in a way she was like this is not for me like get a real job or this is gonna be a problem she wasn't the right obviously grow from me. But at one point I was like, I'm quitting.

[499] That woman was Jennifer Aniston.

[500] Yeah.

[501] But I was like going to quit and go to the job that all basically my friends and community, there's not many actors that come out of the world that I grew up in.

[502] Stay tuned for more live show after this exciting commercial break.

[503] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair, expert early and ad free right now.

[504] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[505] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[506] Now, I want to get into drugs a little bit.

[507] No, no. I mean, drugs.

[508] I don't like the word drugs.

[509] I'll start there.

[510] Great, great.

[511] Aspirin's a drug.

[512] So you guys know, we'll be talking about drugs, whatever he calls it.

[513] I don't know.

[514] I take a lot of supplements.

[515] But Walton and I share an affinity.

[516] for certain drugs that we think, I mean, I can't take him anymore, but he still can because he's not an addict, but we believe that mind -expanding psychedelics are kind of a good thing.

[517] We're pro those, right?

[518] I'm excited that the stigma is being released and that they're being explored again, that they're a gateway to our incredibly complex psyches, what are we, is it, 800 people in here?

[519] Yeah.

[520] All of you snowflakes, infinitely complex.

[521] No, seriously, you're all really truly beautiful people.

[522] We all do similar things and we can have patterns of behavior, but I believe that all of you have incredible layers to you that generally don't get revealed without a little help.

[523] And certainly therapists can do that, but psychedelics have the ability to break things away and give you insights.

[524] Yeah.

[525] Now, I am not at all confused by how you sold so many knives, because I...

[526] Yeah, that was intoxicating.

[527] I've been trying to get Monica to do Molly for two years now, four years.

[528] Haven't moved the needle at all, but I got a...

[529] Maybe you should pitch it.

[530] I'll probably do it.

[531] Right?

[532] Well, look, I think, honestly, so this is what MDMA is for me. So in college, I would do it just like any kid, you know, you do it at a club or something just to have fun and dance.

[533] But nowadays, it's being used in therapy sessions and it's being...

[534] Well, Michael Pollan's got an amazing book about it right now, right?

[535] How to Change Your Mind.

[536] I mean, that's honestly more about the psychedelic element.

[537] MDMA, I'm not sure how it classifies, whether it's pure psychedelic or not.

[538] But it's considered what's called a heart opener.

[539] You've been in a mood where if you're grumpy or something, and then you'll watch a video or you'll hear a song or something, you know, a kid will do something and you kind of feel, you'll fear yourself kind of melt or you feel yourself more generous.

[540] And that's what people would call heart opening.

[541] And you can have incredible insights into relationships.

[542] So people are taking ecstasy now to, like, if you're married to someone, you obviously have an incredibly rich history of buried, I don't know, strife, and you get defensive.

[543] And MDMA, in that kind of setting, there's no chance of defensiveness.

[544] Yeah.

[545] Like, nothing you can say can trigger anyone.

[546] And so ultimately, intimacy into me you see, which is a nice little way of describing intimacy, becomes, guys.

[547] It was a fucking master class.

[548] I didn't know.

[549] Oh, my God.

[550] It feels now like I set him up for this, like he's on a speaking tour for drugs.

[551] I don't think I realize the depth of which you could...

[552] I'm going to call my sponsor in about six minutes.

[553] You keep going.

[554] Oh, God.

[555] Hey, Jeff.

[556] Yeah, I'm just on stage.

[557] Are we sure about this thing?

[558] Yeah, okay.

[559] Because my buddy, Walton, do you only cut coat knives?

[560] When you do it together.

[561] It'll give you insights that could truly change your life and change the rest of your relationships, especially ones that you're already in.

[562] Yeah.

[563] Well, that's why they're using it a lot and end -of -life stuff because people are dealing with the death of their identity and they go on these high -dose mushroom trips and they start feeling the connectedness and the barriers kind of melt away, and that's just kind of a really powerful, cool thing.

[564] I hate that I'm an addict, and I can't do it with you and Monica, but I'm very pro -examination.

[565] I would disagree with you on that because...

[566] Oh, great.

[567] Well, now I'm just going to put Jeff on speakerphone.

[568] Get Jeff on the line.

[569] Get him on the horn right now.

[570] No, but in all seriousness, they're using LSD, for example, for...

[571] Addiction?

[572] Yeah, people in AA, who are struggling with that sort of thing.

[573] Well, Bill W famously did LSD therapy while still sober.

[574] I think, I've thought this through.

[575] Here's what I think would happen to me. I'd convince myself this is a great idea.

[576] Then I'd be tripping balls.

[577] And all I'd be thinking about was like, you don't have 14 years anymore.

[578] Like, I just think it would steer.

[579] I don't think I could keep it on the rails.

[580] Oh, that, well, yeah.

[581] I mean, you know yourself and I would never pressure you or...

[582] Fuck it.

[583] Let's do it.

[584] Let's do it.

[585] Pull them out.

[586] Let's get some boomers going.

[587] I actually got some blotter acid in my pocket.

[588] Because you used them the way I did initially, and that is just to fucking have fun, right?

[589] Yeah.

[590] Yeah, and they're like bond with your friends.

[591] There's, like, some tribalism, too.

[592] We've been told it's very dangerous and scary, and it's something you can prove to your buddies that there's an element of bravery involved.

[593] Like, there's many, many layers to experimenting with drugs, I think.

[594] Yeah.

[595] But you have now, and I think because of Michael Pollan's book, right, you've now done where you actually take a shitload of shrooms and go fucking sit in a room by yourself.

[596] It hasn't been mushrooms.

[597] Cocaine?

[598] Changed my life for the better.

[599] Honestly, cocaine is a great, great joke.

[600] Yeah.

[601] If you want to see the best side of yourself, just grab an eat at all that.

[602] So selfless.

[603] Yeah.

[604] Such a good listener.

[605] Yeah.

[606] No, there's a vows.

[607] value, I think, I mean, I haven't done what they call the hero dose.

[608] That's considered, I think, over 500 micrograms of LSD or a quarter ounce of mushrooms.

[609] Oh, Jesus.

[610] And that's where you lock yourself in a dark room with an eye mask and do that much.

[611] And that's where, I haven't done that.

[612] That takes a certain amount of courage.

[613] And probably a contingency plan from a loved one.

[614] Yeah, yeah.

[615] Right.

[616] It's all interesting to me just because I'm fascinated by the human psyche and my general feeling and I don't know how to articulate this but it's like that we're all just kind of looking through this little pinhole and that we think these five senses we have are it and I think they're just such a small well I tripped it on the other day I was actually thinking about hearing and I was thinking if none of us could hear and I was thinking how abstract hearing is it's vibrating the matter in the air and it's bouncing off these eardrums and that's how all this is happening And I just started thinking, if none of his had ears, completely impossible to imagine that sense.

[617] Yeah.

[618] And so I started thinking like, yeah, I guess I'd buy into the notion that there's maybe a dozen more.

[619] No one can even imagine.

[620] Oh, yeah.

[621] I mean, it's really just like, do you believe in the unseen?

[622] And how can you not?

[623] What's beautiful is now science.

[624] Tology.

[625] Well, that's where all this was leading.

[626] I have a book.

[627] you'd be great for them I mean people would really sign up I'd go clear with you no but I find it fascinating that science now is this sort of new age woo -woo stuff that most people yawn at or scoff at and there's something happening where basically quantum theory and all these things are starting to like merge with the wacko on the side of the street which is basically like there's a unified energetic feel beneath everything and nothing there's no difference between my hand in the wood when he drilled down into it and everything is essentially some sort of matrix i honestly hate myself for talking like this i feel ashamed uh but and i don't know how to do it without feeling if you were 5 % less good looking it'd be insufferable yeah yeah it really is it is insufferable and i get the allergy i'm so allergic to this stuff but i do know that like something what the fuck is happening What is really going on?

[628] What the fuck are we doing here?

[629] Okay, so that's drugs.

[630] I wanted to talk about that.

[631] And what a qualified opinion, supplements, yeah.

[632] Do you really not like to call them drugs?

[633] Well, no, I just don't think it's very useful at this point because it's a weighted term.

[634] And, like, you're talking about psychedelics, like, oh, that guy doing drugs, you know what I mean?

[635] Well, that's true.

[636] It's certainly different from smoking crack in my experience.

[637] Yeah, I mean, like, have you done crack?

[638] Oh, yeah.

[639] There's no feeling quite like looking at yourself in the mirror the following morning or next two days.

[640] You realize your lips are a bit burnt and it is demoralizing.

[641] I wonder if this will even be remotely comedic.

[642] I one time went with my pals from Detroit.

[643] We went downtown and we got some of that delicious crack rock and we smoked it and we ran out inevitably.

[644] And then I was like, it's time for me to go back to my mom's house.

[645] I was visiting Michigan and I was like trying to sneak into my bedroom.

[646] room at home, and I opened the door, and I had forgot, dear Grandma Midge was staying in my bed.

[647] And I was like, there's no way I can talk to Grandma Midge right now.

[648] And we did.

[649] I sat on the bed, and Grandma Midge and I just chatted for about 45 minutes.

[650] I don't think she has any idea that I was on the devil's pipe the night before.

[651] The devil's pipe.

[652] Is it the best 10 seconds of your life, or is it, I've never done it?

[653] Well, I think the result.

[654] speak for themselves.

[655] You know what?

[656] I made a logical thought -out decision to smoke crack.

[657] There was this HBO documentary series called Hookers on the Point.

[658] Do you remember this?

[659] I do not.

[660] It was a great, great program.

[661] Most logic begins with Hookers on the Point.

[662] The narrator was so weird I don't know where they find it, but he was always like, the ladies are working hard tonight on the point.

[663] But I was watching that program, and I was seeing what the gales were doing to get crack.

[664] Yeah.

[665] And I thought, that has to be a very sensational feeling to be willing to go through that, to get that.

[666] I, like, thought of that.

[667] And I thought, I don't want to leave planet Earth without knowing what that is like.

[668] Very much underestimating the addictive quality of it.

[669] Yeah.

[670] But I did decide I don't want to leave here, not knowing what that feels like.

[671] I don't encourage anyone to make the same argument in their head.

[672] But at any rate, Hooker's on the point.

[673] Check it out.

[674] I think you can find it still.

[675] It's a very uplifting, life -affirming documentary series.

[676] Now, where I was going with David's overarching story, which is probably a more common one than the ones we become aware of, which is you've had seven shows.

[677] And the first six didn't go to a second season.

[678] About a boy was the first that went to a second season, right?

[679] Yeah, yeah.

[680] Great show.

[681] David was so good on it.

[682] Thank you.

[683] And that's a hard path to be on.

[684] Oh, I'm still on it, dude.

[685] That thing did go to third season.

[686] No, no, I mean, I always say like life in the NFL, you know.

[687] Right, but it would be very easy to...

[688] The thing I say, kind of like a broken record, is you're in the NBA.

[689] You're not Michael Jordan.

[690] I'm not Scotty Pittman, but I'm in the NBA.

[691] Yeah.

[692] You're on TV regularly all the time.

[693] You know what I'm saying?

[694] You're at the party.

[695] And it would be such a shame to evaluate the experience by some comparison to someone else as opposed to on your deathbed go oh fuck I did that I made a living I tried something nearly impossible and I did it I made a living I raised a family I got to express myself it wasn't the height of that but I never fucking enjoyed it because it wasn't the thing I was comparing myself to yeah show's not going you know full seven seasons or whatever is that the golden what did parenthood go six out of boy yeah I go fuck you Dex I don't bring this up to try to embarrass you about it I bring it up to hope that you could impart what we almost 99 % of us have to learn which is perseverance and not letting this racket in your head destroy you and take you out because that's what happens to a lot of folks it's the same in everything it's process over results do good work I've failed truly failed upwards like every failure has led to something else and you shouldn't care about the result you do because you're human i'm getting better and better at just being like you're competing with yourself as opposed to other people well right when you got your first show and you probably if you're like me at all did you start forecasting in the future like oh good this is sad and then you start kind of building an identity around the future you're it's like this is what my sister is also an actress and my favorite human being she's the most beautiful little bunny rabbit and she'll have an audition and i'll just stop her before she goes in and i'll go Let me ask you something.

[696] Have you already thought, like, I'm going to get this job, then I'll be on TV every week, then I can buy a house, and then blank and then blank and I'm like, look at this, you're going to go into a room for 10 minutes, and you've built a lifetime on top of this 10 minutes.

[697] You can't do well.

[698] It's too much pressure for any human being to do.

[699] And now this thing that should be a small little chunk of time in life becomes a mountain.

[700] It's going to make or break your life.

[701] Yeah, I mean, I do that.

[702] I mean, I bought a Powerball ticket for $500 million.

[703] And my entire day was daydreaming about the 500 mil that was coming my way.

[704] I couldn't stop.

[705] I was like, you are a fucking idiot.

[706] But I couldn't stop.

[707] I was like dreaming about coming home to my wife and being like, we did it.

[708] We got it.

[709] I got 500.

[710] Actually, it's 350 after tax.

[711] We took a big hit on taxes, but we're still sitting on 300 mil.

[712] Can't buy a sports team, but we can have front row seats.

[713] What did, when you were daydreaming about it?

[714] What kind of silly stuff were you going to do?

[715] With the money?

[716] Yeah.

[717] Just get out of debt.

[718] Okay.

[719] What a sexy fantasy.

[720] Yeah.

[721] But we met you did an episode of parenthood, I think, was the first thing that happened.

[722] A crossover episode.

[723] Jason Kedems, who created Parenthood, also created About a Boy in Friday Night Lights.

[724] He's a genius.

[725] But he set our shows in the same world.

[726] We all lived in the Bay Area.

[727] And then you came on the show.

[728] And then I went and did your show as an actor.

[729] Well, and then I came on and directed.

[730] And I think that's where things really took off.

[731] Yeah, no, that's where the hugging got a little uncomfortable for everybody.

[732] Yeah.

[733] We would kick each morning off with a good minute and a half hug.

[734] Long hug, men need more long hugs.

[735] Yeah.

[736] Well, it releases oxytocin, the love hormone.

[737] So can I tell a quick story, but I was in a rehab place, not for myself, but I will, it's a place called the Meadows, and I was there for a family member, but basically there was this hell's angel type, 300, like you see him, on the street and you'd be terrified he'd run the other way extremely scary looking and um he was our leader he was an addict he was the leading the thing and he was like every man needs 10 hugs a day and i was like oh shit and it was like do you need a hug right now he's like you're damn right but i that's really resonated with me my hugging game went way up after that yeah i've actually started to go experiment with a heart -to -heart hug normally, you know, penis to penis, kind of.

[738] Yeah, yeah.

[739] But you can avoid that and even up the power by just, you know, going left to left.

[740] Keep it pure, don't confuse things.

[741] Okay.

[742] I'll try that with you later tonight.

[743] Yeah, we'll try it later.

[744] But I actually like the hip -on -hip hug.

[745] To me, that's where I know someone's sincere and serious about the hug.

[746] You strike me, and I've always admired you as like a fearless person, like a guy who makes people happy but doesn't seem to need to people please in a way like you have kind of have a superpower like that you're obviously an enormous talent but you have a fearlessness that I admire very very much thank you David Walton if you can sit down on the bed with Grandma Midge and talk to her post crack after a couple of crap types yeah everything else gets manageable I guess another really terrible drug story about me one of the most surreal experiences I ever had in my life was crystal meth was not a thing in michigan it was knowing that was not a thing when i was a kid and then i moved to california it was a thing and then so friends of mine from detroit wanted to try that so i brought some you know on the airplane home for christmas and uh we did a bunch of it too much of it you could say i i could not go to sleep for three nights in a row and by the fourth day i was starting to really think i was never going to fall asleep and i was starting to lose my mind terrible go over to my brothers for a big family dinner sit down on the couch to watch TV, it's a 60 Minutes special on Crystal Meth Addiction.

[747] And it's a story of a young drummer who just couldn't stop playing the drums on Crystal Meth and he gave himself such severe carpal tunnel syndrome that the footage of him was trying to eat and stuff.

[748] And all my family members were like, could you imagine?

[749] Can you imagine?

[750] And I was just like, oh my God, they're totally going to look at me and go, oh, it's happening right here.

[751] The worst buzzkill you could have is watching a crystal meth exposé with Morley Schaefer.

[752] But the little drummer boy who ruined his carpels.

[753] Oh, anyways, good times.

[754] So you one time were going to take on a role in a movie where you were going to have to have a real legit Boston accent.

[755] And even though you're from Boston, you didn't innately have that accent.

[756] Yeah, no, yeah, my parents weren't from there, so I didn't, yeah, I don't have an accent.

[757] Right, and you were at the fancy boarding school, they didn't have that thick accent there, right?

[758] They talk like this, huh?

[759] Oh, oh.

[760] It was just showering with Mr. Greger, and we...

[761] Apparently, A lot of boys in the shower today, huh?

[762] So what did you do?

[763] How did you prepare for this accent?

[764] One of our best friends in the world is Luke Coppidge.

[765] We grew up across the street from each other in Boston, and he's a sports nut.

[766] He knows everything about Boston's sports.

[767] So I was calling him.

[768] I just moved to Boston to shoot this Hallmark movie.

[769] My friend is a huge Pats fan, and 985 is the radio station in Boston, the Sports Hub.

[770] And that's where you're going to hear your thickest accents, right?

[771] Oh, it's just absurd.

[772] So he's like, you know what?

[773] You should call in and practice, you know?

[774] And then I go, well, how do I get on the radio?

[775] He goes, talk about how you want Josh McDaniels, the offensive coordinator for the Patriots.

[776] He's like, talk how you wonder if Josh McDaniels is going to be the next head coach.

[777] So they pick up and they get real aggressive.

[778] You go, what's your question?

[779] And I go, this is Billy from Revea, and I just want to know, you know, I just want to talk about Josh McDaniels see if he's here a parent of Belichick.

[780] And he was like, all right, stay on the line.

[781] And I was like, and I texting Luke, I'm going, it's happening.

[782] They just told me to stay on the line.

[783] And he's like, I'm tuning in, I'm tuning in.

[784] I'm listening.

[785] I'm a listen.

[786] I'm a listen.

[787] He's down in New York.

[788] He's streaming it.

[789] And all of a sudden they go, all right, we got Billy from Revia.

[790] What's your question?

[791] And I'm like, yeah, this is Billy.

[792] I'm wondering if, you know, what your thoughts on if Josh McDihanel's bera parent to Belichick.

[793] And they just hung up on me. And I was like, I was like, my accent is shit.

[794] they just they saw right through it right so they hang up and I'm spiraling and I call Luke he picks up and he can't he's cry laughing because it's like been 15 minutes and they're still talking about the question they just didn't want to hear me talking anymore so they bought it and that gave me the confidence to really do a mediocre job on the film good good but you are a big Pat's fan, right?

[795] Yeah, very much so.

[796] And you and I share a, yours is different than mine.

[797] Mine's purely aesthetic, but a love for Tom Brady.

[798] Well, he's a beautiful man. The guy is a supermodel, but you love the man, right?

[799] Like, I love him more than anything, honestly.

[800] Yeah.

[801] He's giving me such profound joy.

[802] And he's incredibly good looking.

[803] The guy's 6 '5 or whatever, just beautiful.

[804] 2 .20.

[805] Yeah.

[806] Lean, mean, takes care of his chassis.

[807] You know, never eats anything in inflammatory.

[808] Yeah.

[809] No night shades.

[810] No night shades for him.

[811] But you, you got to meet him.

[812] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[813] I got to meet him.

[814] He's a big golfer and I got to sit down with him.

[815] We're up at this fancy, fancy, fancy club in L .A. and I'm sitting at a table like this and he sits down, just random.

[816] I didn't know he was there.

[817] I didn't know he was playing.

[818] And I guess the guy I was with was friends with the guy he was playing with.

[819] And all of a sudden, I mean, honestly, you're just sitting there and your hero sits down.

[820] I went into a state of deep, deep, deep, shock, and everyone started introducing themselves to each other, and I just stood up, and I took my hand out, and Brady, like you, you're pretty good eye contact guy.

[821] I almost have to look away from you sometimes.

[822] Thank you.

[823] Sure.

[824] It's a little bit creepy.

[825] It's too much.

[826] It's kind of creepy.

[827] Sometimes it's too much, especially when he's singing or doing an accent.

[828] No, it's not.

[829] But Brady is not afraid of eye contact.

[830] And so, I remember in my state of shock just saying to myself, you do not fucking look away from Tom Boy.

[831] You take this moment and you own it and you look at him.

[832] And the truth is, I don't know whether he's like done some self -help thing where he's like, I won't look away.

[833] I'll wait till someone looks away.

[834] But he did not look away.

[835] I did not look away.

[836] And something fucking happened.

[837] and if Tom, you're listening, I need to talk to you.

[838] I want to see if you felt it too.

[839] Honestly, it was 35 seconds.

[840] Well, David Walton, I can't tell you how much I appreciate that you would fly with your whole family here to Santa Fe.

[841] Be so honest with us.

[842] Give us a full master class on drugs and psychedelics in our uniqueness and our layers.

[843] I appreciate it so much.

[844] Thank you so much for coming out tonight.

[845] It's so much fun.

[846] We love it here.

[847] We hope you'll have us back.

[848] We've all been there.

[849] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[850] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[851] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[852] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[853] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[854] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[855] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[856] Prime members can listen early and and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[857] What's up, guys?

[858] It's your girl, Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[859] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[860] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[861] And I don't mean just friends.

[862] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[863] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[864] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app, or wherever you get your podcast.

[865] And now my favorite part of the show, Oh, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[866] Working at the fact check.

[867] Working at the fact check.

[868] Cool.

[869] Hi, Monica.

[870] Hi.

[871] How you doing?

[872] Great.

[873] How are you doing?

[874] Great.

[875] How's that Emmy nomination going?

[876] Still lost.

[877] Oh, you still?

[878] Okay.

[879] They haven't reversed their decision?

[880] I still don't have an Emmy.

[881] I'm fingers crossed.

[882] We'll get a reversal.

[883] Okay.

[884] Sometimes like it's exposed in the Olympic.

[885] that the athletes were juicing.

[886] That's true.

[887] And then it rolls downhill, the second place.

[888] It would be ironic because the one that won was an opioid doc.

[889] Oh, yeah, if they got caught doping.

[890] Yeah, I guess actually it would be allowed because that's what they're doing.

[891] Right, journalistic exploration required them to know what their subjects were actually dealing with.

[892] Yeah.

[893] So I don't think they'll be a reversal.

[894] That's okay.

[895] David Walton, can I just say for a second, when he, got into his explanation of drug use, I was captivated.

[896] Yeah, you were.

[897] I had never heard someone that knowledgeable and dedicated to the mind -expanding properties of hallucinogenics.

[898] Yeah, he is a big advocate.

[899] I was saying he should have a drug podcast where he gets other drug experts on or enthusiasts.

[900] They discuss it.

[901] And maybe sometimes they even record episodes while on acid or something.

[902] Under the influence.

[903] Yeah.

[904] See what they.

[905] get that could be interesting sure is i mean just i i can't imagine being productive or linear in my thoughts at all if i was on that stuff no but as you heard when crag t nelson was on he would perform on acid on live television and he thought it was good maybe yeah i guess we don't know probably he kept working that's true that's true it's probably different people different brains yeah and you know famously the guy who pitched a no hitter on acid you know that whole story there was a major league baseball player in the 70s or 80s, he pitched a no hitter and he was on acid because he had been given the day off and he was on the beach with some gals, they had dropped acid and then he was taken off that beach to go pitch in San Diego.

[906] They were on the road.

[907] Yeah, it was Doc Ellis.

[908] There's a documentary about it.

[909] It's pretty fascinating.

[910] He was largely unaware of the fact he was pitching a no hitter.

[911] Wow.

[912] Yeah.

[913] I wouldn't like that.

[914] To not be aware of pitching a no -hitter?

[915] Yeah, I'd want to be aware.

[916] I thought it kind of made the argument that it's the thinking about pitching a no -hitter that prevents you from pitching one.

[917] Like it'd be real easy to get in your head, ninth inning.

[918] You've come so far.

[919] Only a few pitches left.

[920] You're right.

[921] I don't know.

[922] Maybe that was the trick.

[923] What's going on with you?

[924] What's going on with you?

[925] Nothing.

[926] Are you distracted by something?

[927] I mean, I was working on a crossword puzzle.

[928] so maybe I'm distracted by that.

[929] Maybe you're thinking in those terms.

[930] When you're doing crossword puzzles, you start thinking in the terms of the crossword puzzles.

[931] Yeah, I like that.

[932] I mean, I just started crossword puzzles again a few days ago.

[933] I get very frustrated by crossword puzzles.

[934] Because you're not just innately great at them.

[935] Well, I don't know all the answers immediately, yeah.

[936] Right.

[937] I was very happy.

[938] You asked me two questions.

[939] I didn't know one of them, but I knew the other one.

[940] Mm -hmm.

[941] It was fiestas and fusions.

[942] Yep.

[943] And I bet some people will get it.

[944] Ford.

[945] Yep.

[946] Yeah.

[947] They made a car called the fiesta.

[948] Real tiny little shitbox back in the 80s.

[949] And then now the focus they make.

[950] Fusion.

[951] Fusion.

[952] Well, they also make a focus.

[953] They do, but that wasn't part of my clue.

[954] Not at all.

[955] It worked out well.

[956] That was a good clue for you.

[957] I picked a good one for you.

[958] Yes.

[959] And it didn't seem like it because it seemed like it has something to do with Spanish.

[960] Parties or, yeah, that's where my brain was.

[961] I started there.

[962] I started with, oh, party is a fusion of party?

[963] Yeah.

[964] Kind of part, like a nuclear party.

[965] You want me to ask you a few questions I couldn't answer?

[966] Yeah, let's see.

[967] See how I do.

[968] This was the Monday New York Times crossword puzzle.

[969] Which am I right, that's the easiest day.

[970] That's the easiest one.

[971] It gets progressively harder throughout the week.

[972] And you know who was just an addict for these New York Times crossword puzzles?

[973] Who?

[974] May Whitman.

[975] Oh.

[976] May Whitman was always working on her crossword puzzle on set.

[977] Cool, yeah.

[978] It feels really good when you figure one out after a long time of not figuring it out.

[979] Yeah.

[980] I've been enjoying that feeling.

[981] I had a little period where I did crosswords.

[982] I started doing them in the Bruin, the UCLA newspaper.

[983] I'd be boarding class and I would pop that Bruin out and get going on it.

[984] Yeah.

[985] Saturday maybe is the hardest and Sundays is the largest.

[986] Ooh, okay.

[987] It could be your whole day.

[988] It could.

[989] I mean, this one, this easy Monday one took a lot of time, and I didn't even finish it.

[990] Okay.

[991] Okay, so some of the ones I'm having trouble with.

[992] Okay, and this should be so easy.

[993] Outer boundary.

[994] Five letters.

[995] Outer boundary.

[996] And it's not edges.

[997] Fence?

[998] No. No. Fence.

[999] Order.

[1000] Outer.

[1001] I tried rim, but rim's too short.

[1002] Ring.

[1003] The third letter is M, and the last letter is T. You're sure about that?

[1004] Yeah, I'm correct on the other words, I know.

[1005] You feel really good about that.

[1006] I do.

[1007] So few words end in M -T.

[1008] No, no, no. Third letter is M. Yeah.

[1009] Last letter is T. There's five.

[1010] Oh, there's five.

[1011] Yeah.

[1012] So, like, maybe something Matt.

[1013] emit us one more time with the clue outer boundary outer limit you did it oh my god good job will you trim out some that was great see I feel stupid now I had a fear that this was going to be the reaction like at first I was like oh I'll help her she'll be happy and I was like no she'll be upset well I'm not upset but I wish I could have figured that out on my own right I started a new one today oh and because this one was getting slow well i just or because it's tuesday it's monday it's oh it's monday who cares but really thursday it's also thursday oh that's true it's also thursday that's true yeah these are all arbitrary distinctions it's all in your head anyways time is just an allusion it's an alluge yeah that's right it's a big eluge it's a luge it's a luge situation speaking of that was the Olympics, the winter Olympics at the beginning of last year?

[1014] We talk about the 18.

[1015] It's always even.

[1016] Yeah, it's even, which was last year.

[1017] And I feel like there's no way there was an Olympics last year.

[1018] But it must have been at the beginning of the year.

[1019] Of 18, yeah, January 18.

[1020] Not the end.

[1021] But I think actually like February 18 is when they kick those things off.

[1022] That feels like so long ago.

[1023] Doesn't it?

[1024] Yeah.

[1025] It seems like a long time since I've seen some Olympic action.

[1026] But again, the winner for me is always a little lackluster.

[1027] I'm all about that summer track and field stuff.

[1028] I bet lackluster's going to be one of my clues.

[1029] I bet it will for sure.

[1030] So David.

[1031] David went to Dexter School, which he said JFK and Neil Armstrong went to.

[1032] Now, I hate to do this to a guest.

[1033] Oh, no. Neil Armstrong did not go to Dexter school.

[1034] He didn't.

[1035] Mm -mm.

[1036] But JFK did?

[1037] JFK did, which is still great.

[1038] Well, I'd rather lose Neil Armstrong than JFK.

[1039] Well, Story Musgrave is an astronaut and he went there.

[1040] Okay, Story Musgrave.

[1041] So, yeah.

[1042] What a name.

[1043] Yeah.

[1044] Story Musgrave.

[1045] That's his name.

[1046] And he's an astronaut and he went there.

[1047] So I think maybe that's where the confusion is.

[1048] That makes sense.

[1049] Yeah.

[1050] Story Musgrave.

[1051] One astronaut did go there.

[1052] Maybe even David was like, JFK and Story Musgrave went there.

[1053] But if I say Story Musgrave on a stage, people are going to think it's a joke.

[1054] Let me just change it to an astronaut.

[1055] They all are comfortable with.

[1056] Neil Armstrong, yeah.

[1057] He probably did that.

[1058] Arms, right?

[1059] Yeah.

[1060] And David's name is on this list on Wikipedia.

[1061] Oh, famous attendees.

[1062] Yeah, or the attendees.

[1063] So he should be excited about that.

[1064] That's flattering.

[1065] It's very flattering.

[1066] Do you think I'm on any of those lists?

[1067] Would your school have a Wikipedia?

[1068] I can't imagine.

[1069] I doubt it.

[1070] I doubt it.

[1071] Unless do all schools have Wikipedia's, I don't know.

[1072] It's hard to know what's all on Wikipedia.

[1073] It's very big platform.

[1074] Yeah, and it's just marginally correct, too.

[1075] I'll add that.

[1076] Exactly.

[1077] Okay, so St. Paul's boarding school, that's where he went after.

[1078] Oh.

[1079] That's the one where he said Robert Mueller, and Robert Mueller did go there.

[1080] Oh, great.

[1081] So that's good news.

[1082] That's really good news.

[1083] Yeah.

[1084] And Archibald Cox, a water.

[1085] Gate Special Prosecutor also went there.

[1086] So a lot of these, like, special...

[1087] Prosecutors.

[1088] Yeah, it's a pipeline for special prosecution.

[1089] Nick Stoller also went there.

[1090] Oh, my goodness.

[1091] Why didn't he say that?

[1092] I know.

[1093] Maybe he doesn't know.

[1094] He might not know.

[1095] Nick Stoller directed Sarah Marshall.

[1096] Yes, he did.

[1097] Get him to the Greek.

[1098] Get him to the Greek.

[1099] Some other stuff.

[1100] Stork.

[1101] He's a prolific comedy man. I think one of his very first jobs ever as an onset writer was without a paddle.

[1102] Oh, really?

[1103] New Zealand, and that was one of his first onset writing jobs.

[1104] Oh, that's cool.

[1105] I auditioned for one of his pilots this year.

[1106] I didn't get it.

[1107] Oh, then I don't like him anymore.

[1108] Yeah, we don't like him anymore.

[1109] Okay, well, I did like him a lot until I just found that out.

[1110] Anyway, also a few of the Vanderbilt's went there.

[1111] I'm obsessed with the Vanderbilt.

[1112] Oh.

[1113] Because I read the Cornelius Vanderbilt biography, The First Tycoon, which is one of my favorites, you know, because he fist fought people a lot while being the richest man in the world.

[1114] I don't like that.

[1115] Warren Buffett was also kicking ass in the streets of Omaha.

[1116] I think that would be fantastic.

[1117] No. When deserved.

[1118] I love that he is peaceful.

[1119] And he lives in a very modest house.

[1120] I love that.

[1121] My dad loves that about him.

[1122] Yes, yes, he does live in a modest house.

[1123] And he doesn't spoil his children.

[1124] No, but you know the interesting thing, did you watch the HBO?

[1125] Is it HBO documentary about it?

[1126] Buffett?

[1127] I didn't watch it now.

[1128] Oh, it's great.

[1129] So his wife, who was a very intelligent, driven woman, as he was growing Berkshire Hathaway at one point, she said, you know, I'm not going to live in Omaha for the rest of my life.

[1130] I love you, but I'm going to go to San Francisco.

[1131] And she went to San Francisco and she told her then good friend and one of their neighbors, I guess, please cook Warren dinner.

[1132] If no one's here, he won't eat.

[1133] So she came over and started making Warren dinner.

[1134] And then that ended up with her moving in.

[1135] And they clearly had some kind of love affair.

[1136] And he still loved his wife and they stayed married.

[1137] And when his wife got ill, he dropped everything and went and was by her side.

[1138] But there was definitely some kind of progressive, interesting relationship in Warren's life.

[1139] I remember you telling me that story, but I don't remember it being about him.

[1140] Are we sure it's about him yes oh well there's similarly there's another case of that and that's jerry winthrop and that was also exposed in his documentary too oh okay yeah or he and his mistress and his wife all lived together and are quite happy oh really yeah she caught him at the beverly hills hotel i believe having in a little situation and then uh she then asked told him to buy her something He bought some crazy ring for her Or something that patched things up And then slowly they just all integrated Oh wow And I think they're better friends than he is with either of them Yeah, very unconventional I like it Yeah, it's interesting Yeah Anything different's interesting to me Yeah Okay, so I mentioned Lord of the Flies Everyone knows Lord of the Flies Everyone had to read that in middle school Well now here's one of those books That I know what it's about But I haven't read it You didn't read it?

[1141] No, I know that about But it's a bunch of kids, yeah, marooned on an island, and then all of a sudden the kind of tribal leadership takes over.

[1142] Yeah.

[1143] Yeah.

[1144] It's a cautionary tale, yes, about abuses of power.

[1145] Mm -hmm.

[1146] It's by William Golding.

[1147] He might come up on my crossword puzzle.

[1148] Oh, likely, very likely.

[1149] Yeah.

[1150] Yeah.

[1151] In 1954.

[1152] I can't but you, so you were required to read it.

[1153] You just didn't, you mean?

[1154] I wasn't required to read.

[1155] You weren't.

[1156] No. Oh, the Georgia school system requires it.

[1157] Yeah.

[1158] What books did you have to read?

[1159] Had to?

[1160] I mean, generally I feel like you got to pick a book and do a book report on it.

[1161] I guess, of course, no, you know the ones that were assigned to me now and I think about of mice and men?

[1162] Steinbeck.

[1163] Yeah, I wouldn't have picked that one out on my own, loved it.

[1164] What else did we have to read?

[1165] Scarlet Letter.

[1166] No, didn't read it.

[1167] Really?

[1168] No, but my sister did.

[1169] I recall that.

[1170] What about Old Man in the Sea?

[1171] Oh.

[1172] No. Hemingway?

[1173] Oh, my God.

[1174] I hated it.

[1175] It's the worst book I better.

[1176] read in my life.

[1177] Do you like any Hemingway book?

[1178] Oh, I never read anymore, of course, after that.

[1179] To be honest, I don't know if I finished it because it was so excruciating.

[1180] It's a very male voice, maybe one of the most male ever.

[1181] Well, I like male voices.

[1182] My favorite book for a long time was The Lords of Discipline by Pat Conroy.

[1183] What's that about?

[1184] Dance Troop?

[1185] No, it's about West Point.

[1186] Oh, okay.

[1187] Well, Lords of Discipline sounds like a really cool dance troupe, doesn't it?

[1188] Yeah, sure.

[1189] It could be it's about a military school based off of west point oh and it's all about boys and stuff cute boys it was a really good book he's now gone we lost him yeah he's passed his fight is over yeah okay anyway so i hated old man to see ernest hemingway we had to read great gatsby of course did you have to read gregers oh i did i did ask scott fit gerald although to be honest i read that as an adult really again because there's books that you can get a sign and then just not read Right.

[1190] So let me just tell you, I was always pursuing the hardest math classes.

[1191] I was not pursuing hard English at all.

[1192] I was so bad at English.

[1193] Yeah, but I feel like they still require some reading.

[1194] They do, they do.

[1195] They should.

[1196] And I did.

[1197] I can remember things I did book reports on.

[1198] All the SE hint in books.

[1199] That was then, this is now, techs, outsiders, rumblefish, read all of them.

[1200] They were all about boys and generally some mischief fighting, you know, all that kind of stuff.

[1201] I wonder if you would have liked Lords of Disciplines.

[1202] Sounds like I would, yeah.

[1203] Was there any fist fights?

[1204] Probably.

[1205] I don't remember that part.

[1206] Okay.

[1207] You remember more like the shower scenes and stuff.

[1208] stuff.

[1209] No. Oh, I don't know.

[1210] Stop stereotyping me. Oh, the best book we ever had to read was To Kill a Mockingbird.

[1211] I love that book.

[1212] Just bought it on Audible.

[1213] You never read it?

[1214] Five days ago.

[1215] No, never read it.

[1216] But I know about Atticus Finch and I really want, is that it?

[1217] Atticus Finch.

[1218] What happened was there was a 60 Minutes segment on Jeff Daniels, who you know I love.

[1219] He's a Mishander.

[1220] Sure.

[1221] And he's currently doing To Kill a Mockingbird on Broadway.

[1222] Uh -huh.

[1223] And I think I want to try to see it, even though I hate plays.

[1224] I love him so much.

[1225] I decided that I'm going to try to see it when I'm in New York.

[1226] At any rate, I was like, I should read that book before I go see the play.

[1227] It's an incredible book.

[1228] One of my favorites.

[1229] It's pretty revered.

[1230] Yeah, everyone seems to really love it who's right at.

[1231] Yeah, it's a really good one.

[1232] Cool.

[1233] Yeah.

[1234] Is MDMA considered a pure psychedelic?

[1235] MDMA is a synthetic stimulant drug known commonly as ecstasy, although not technically a psychedelic drug.

[1236] MDMA has psychoactive effects That may hold medical and personal benefit Anyway, so no, no it's not Okay, you know this thing that happens I've talked to some people who've done it in excess I've done it in excess of course And at a certain point when I've been on like five or six of them You get this kind of shutter vision So like if I looked from you and I panned over to Rob to my right Instead of seeing a smooth stream of transition I would see click, click, click, click, click, like five, six frames that brought me over to Rob.

[1237] And I have at times been with other people on the same amount and asked, like, is your vision clicking in snapshots?

[1238] And they were like, yes.

[1239] Like, okay, good.

[1240] Then we're good.

[1241] So long as it's happening to other people.

[1242] Yeah, I don't know.

[1243] You would like, you would dislike that.

[1244] Yeah, I don't think I'd enjoy my vision and snapshot form.

[1245] Well, it's very pleasurable.

[1246] Really?

[1247] Yeah, like, you're enjoying it.

[1248] And then I'm just kind of curious.

[1249] I'm I the only one experiencing the snapshot thing and everyone else's.

[1250] And I go, oh, it's kind of cool, huh?

[1251] Like, everyone agrees it's kind of cool.

[1252] Cool.

[1253] Again, I acknowledge there's probably a certain mindset that makes that cool and not scary.

[1254] Yeah.

[1255] You have to have somewhat of a disposition, probably.

[1256] I guess you're also on drugs, so that's probably making you feel like it's good.

[1257] Yes, but to make it not about drugs, there have been a couple different times where things that are happening that are scaring, some people are exciting me. So like we had the Northern Lights one time when I was in high school like 12th grade where all of a sudden I heard tons of people in my neighborhood yelling like oh my God, come outside, come.

[1258] People were just yelling all.

[1259] Go outside and the entire sky was lit up bright green.

[1260] It was crazy.

[1261] Like the whole sky was bright green.

[1262] And many of the people were going to the worst imaginable scenario.

[1263] Radiation.

[1264] That's what I would do.

[1265] An atomic bomb.

[1266] And I was immediately like, oh, fuck, yeah, something news happening.

[1267] Like, I'm 18, it's already boring, seeing the same old shit every single day, and the fucking sky's all green.

[1268] Yeah.

[1269] All right, let's talk.

[1270] What's next?

[1271] Are there aliens here?

[1272] You know, like, I was very excited just that something different was happening.

[1273] Right.

[1274] And that's just my nature, I think.

[1275] I think so, yeah.

[1276] Yeah.

[1277] Yeah, I think you do have a lot of that.

[1278] Oh, what's a hero dose of psilocybin?

[1279] Terrence McKenna describes a heroic dose of magic mushrooms as consuming five plus dried grams, 15 to 20 grams with their fresh, of hallucinatory mushrooms in silent darkness alone for many hours.

[1280] I'm so curious what dosages I was taking back when I took it.

[1281] I certainly had no clue.

[1282] I know.

[1283] Yeah, I don't know any grams, how much it was.

[1284] I mean, again, I know I bought a pound in Santa Cruz that time.

[1285] Yeah.

[1286] Yeah, me and Aaron.

[1287] We went to Santa Cruz and we bought a pound of mushrooms, which was two gallon -sized Ziploc bags of mushrooms.

[1288] And we kept half and sold half.

[1289] Yeah.

[1290] How much money did you earn?

[1291] It would be hard for me to remember, but I know that basically what happened is we doubled what we spent and we got a half pound for free.

[1292] Oh.

[1293] So I guess that went up.

[1294] We sold it for four times what we got it for.

[1295] That's a good profit.

[1296] Yeah, they're not very readily available in Michigan, or at least they were not then, and they're super available in Santa Cruz.

[1297] Yeah.

[1298] Now, in retrospect, the crazy part is that Aaron drove cross -country with a half pound of mushrooms in his backseat.

[1299] Probably not a wise decision.

[1300] Probably not.

[1301] No, no, no, no, no. Oh, gosh.

[1302] Oh.

[1303] That's a lot of hours behind the wheel thinking about getting pulled over.

[1304] It was probably very stressful for him.

[1305] Oh, yeah.

[1306] Yeah.

[1307] Okay, the HBO documentary series, you were saying hookers on the point.

[1308] It's actually hookers at the point.

[1309] Oh, hookers at the point.

[1310] 2002, HBO, as you said, and you were talking about the narrator, and the director is the narrator.

[1311] His name is Brent Owens.

[1312] Oh, wow.

[1313] He takes us to the streets of Hunts Point in South Bronx for a candid documentary about the local sex workers, period.

[1314] Period.

[1315] Wow, I'd love to have him on just so we could hear his voice.

[1316] Okay.

[1317] The girls are working hard tonight on the point.

[1318] At the point, I guess.

[1319] Yeah, but I feel like he was saying on during his narration.

[1320] But, you know, maybe he did a play on words for the title because the area is called the point.

[1321] Yeah.

[1322] But when he was narrating, he was talking about on the point.

[1323] Maybe.

[1324] It was, they would never narrate a documentary today the way that was narrated.

[1325] How come?

[1326] Because it was a little bit like those early pimp documentaries that were kind of celebrating pimpness.

[1327] Oh.

[1328] You know, like pimp's up, hose down.

[1329] That's a very famous.

[1330] Oh, I've never heard of it.

[1331] It's a celebration of pimps.

[1332] Oh, wow.

[1333] And they have like a yearly convention and they award like Pimp of the Year.

[1334] What?

[1335] In fact, some of the dialogue and idiocracy is directly taken from Pimps Up Hose Down.

[1336] Wow.

[1337] But now, of course, now it wouldn't be seen as a very positive documentary.

[1338] Yeah, I mean, I think of it, like, it was also very popular in rap music.

[1339] Mm -hmm.

[1340] To be a pimp.

[1341] Yeah.

[1342] Is it still?

[1343] And, in fact, Snoop Dogg hung out with the legendary pimp, the arch bishop, the bishop, something.

[1344] And he always carried, he wore all green and carried around chalice all the time.

[1345] And he took them everywhere.

[1346] I've met the guy.

[1347] And Snoop kind of dressed sometimes.

[1348] Yeah, and he called himself a pimp.

[1349] And you talk about a stable and stuff, all things that in the 90s...

[1350] And lots of songs, P -I -N -P, it's hard out here for a PIM.

[1351] Yep.

[1352] Lots of...

[1353] So, yeah, the tide is turned culturally on that.

[1354] I wonder, though.

[1355] I still would be interested in it just for the culture of seeing a convention about pimps, you know.

[1356] And I would want to see it even if I recognize that it was a destructive thing.

[1357] And in the same way, I like watching documentaries about KKK.

[1358] I'm just fascinated by their organization.

[1359] What does it look like?

[1360] What are their stupid ceremony?

[1361] he's all about.

[1362] Right.

[1363] How do you get in?

[1364] That stuff is all interesting if you're...

[1365] How do I get in?

[1366] Judgmental about what they're doing.

[1367] Where do I fill out?

[1368] Where do I send my paperwork to?

[1369] Yeah.

[1370] Yeah, I'm interested.

[1371] You can have interest in dark things in like Nazi Germany stuff.

[1372] I don't think it's interest in dark things.

[1373] It's interest in why people behave the way they do and how they behave.

[1374] I'm interested almost in all subcultures, regardless of what the outcome of their work.

[1375] is just interest in it because they're different from up but are you interested in the mechanics of what a pimp does how does he get the girls to you know like because right out of the gate you're asking yourself why on earth would a woman have sex for money and then give most of that money to somebody who didn't have sex for the money so you're just starting with a question I certainly want answered yeah and then what you come to find out is it's just horrendous manipulation and like father figure stuff yeah exactly feeding on a terrible kind of control that the patriarch has so it's exposed that but anyways i still want that question answered yeah that's yeah you know i did a commercial with snoop yes yeah i do and um there was a second famous person in that spot charro charro yeah yeah yeah but i didn't she wasn't in mind no but in the campaign yeah yeah it was burger king or something uh -huh uh -huh and you had to wear in a Burger King outfit.

[1376] Yeah.

[1377] And you were around Snoop who's like exudes.

[1378] Very cool.

[1379] Hip -hop coolness and you were in a Burger King outfit.

[1380] Yeah.

[1381] But I didn't, you know, I didn't feel like I wasn't really trying to impress him.

[1382] You weren't.

[1383] Okay.

[1384] No. I would have been like if I had done a Lil Kim commercial for Burger King and I was in the fucking Bird King outfit, it had been killing me. Yeah.

[1385] But she's not seeing me look my best.

[1386] I could see that.

[1387] Although maybe my best look would be in a Burger King outfit.

[1388] Maybe.

[1389] The more I see, listen, here's what's going on with the feedback.

[1390] I told you this has been making me self -conscious.

[1391] So, spin the wheels coming out.

[1392] Yeah.

[1393] June 20th, 9 p .m. on Fox.

[1394] Check it out.

[1395] It's a party.

[1396] So game show.

[1397] And for the game show, I decided, well, I should kind of look like a game show host.

[1398] So I slicked my hair back.

[1399] Sure.

[1400] And now there's billboards all around town.

[1401] And there's some commercials.

[1402] Many of our friends are coming up to me to say to me, oh my God, you look so good on those billboards.

[1403] Or you look so good in those commercials.

[1404] I think I look stupid in them, right?

[1405] Uh -huh.

[1406] My hair's all slick back.

[1407] It's becoming obvious to me that I'm wrong about when I look best.

[1408] I'm clearly wrong because people are way too enthusiastic about how I look on those billboards and on the commercials, leading me to believe everyone hates how I look normally.

[1409] It wouldn't be so emphatic about how much better I look in those billboards.

[1410] Yeah, that's not what people think at all.

[1411] You sure?

[1412] Yes, I'm sure.

[1413] And I think that they just probably, they notice it because it's different than your normal thing.

[1414] To me, it sounds like they're saying, please look like that and not how you're looking in your real life.

[1415] I like the way you look in your real life.

[1416] Well, you did tell me that and it made me feel a lot better.

[1417] I like both.

[1418] Okay.

[1419] The other options also good, which is I think what they're saying is, oh, this is a good look.

[1420] Okay.

[1421] But not instead of.

[1422] Yeah.

[1423] Well, just nobody said this is a good look when the blesses mess stuff was everywhere.

[1424] Well, that's your normal look.

[1425] They're not, it's the same.

[1426] Oh, it's got me in my head.

[1427] All weekend I've been like staring.

[1428] Should I shave and cut my hair off?

[1429] Yeah.

[1430] I'm seeing the mirror, I'm just like, oh, my God, look at your eyes.

[1431] What are you, 109?

[1432] Saggy baggy.

[1433] Look, these saggy baggies.

[1434] Ooh, saggy baggy.

[1435] Oh, my God, I had this idea.

[1436] We were watching Handmaid's Tale last night And there was a scene where she was washing her face, our lead actress, and there was no mirror on the wall.

[1437] And I thought, oh, that makes sense.

[1438] They don't give the Handmaids mirrors.

[1439] And then I thought, I wonder how much better everyone would feel if there are no mirrors.

[1440] And I wonder if you could actually start a country or a state or a community or like an island.

[1441] You create a society on the island, and mirrors are forbidden on the island.

[1442] I thought this whole thing, I took like a 10 -minute vacation while we were watching the show to consider all this.

[1443] And like, that would be the only thing they'd really screen for at the airport to make sure no smuggling mirrors in.

[1444] And then what I was thinking would be really funny is that people would inevitably be leaving their houses where they'd have missed big chunks of what they shaved and everything.

[1445] Well, yeah.

[1446] And their hair would be like backwards or whatever.

[1447] You know, if you couldn't see yourself.

[1448] So maybe you would start off with your neighbors would be like, oh, Mike, you miss needing to shave right here feel right here and then maybe you'd even assist that person in helping with their appearance or would everyone just be like oh everyone looks all fucked up everyone's hairs backwards and their patches and stuff so who cares right what is there is it do you think maybe that could lead to like a utopian if you just had no idea what you look like in your experience then in life was never looking back at yourself it was just taking in the info I did think of one problem driving you need mirrors to drive safely well look we don't have a mirror in here in this attic.

[1449] That's right.

[1450] And that's not because we're trying to do an experiment.

[1451] That's because we just never got one and we don't have one.

[1452] But there are so many moments where I want to look in that mirror for something like, do I have food in my teeth?

[1453] Uggars in your nose.

[1454] Yeah, things like that.

[1455] They are embarrassing.

[1456] Yeah.

[1457] And people are still seeing it, whether there are mirrors or not.

[1458] Right.

[1459] So you need mirrors to check up on yourself a little bit.

[1460] Well, I was thinking those people not in a relationship would be at more risk of having like a booger hanging out of their nose or flaky skin under their eyebrows or something.

[1461] They wouldn't have a partner in the morning telling them, oh, hon, you've got some passengers on your nose hairs.

[1462] I think it's good for people to look in the mirror and have to deal with what they're seeing.

[1463] I think it makes you better.

[1464] You don't think you maybe just at some point forget that you even look anyway?

[1465] No, because it's not been like everyone's blind.

[1466] No, I know, but you would be so out of touch with what you look like, you'd start to forget that you even look like something.

[1467] Maybe, except you're still looking at other people.

[1468] So you're still comparing yourself.

[1469] I think the comparison still happens where you see someone, you're like, I want to look like that person, whether or not you are seeing it.

[1470] But again, then you'd only be going back to like however many years ago you moved to the island, like, I saw myself four years ago.

[1471] I wonder if that's how I look or I look as good as that many.

[1472] Well, no way to find out.

[1473] I guess I should stop thinking about it because I'll never find out.

[1474] Maybe.

[1475] I don't know.

[1476] I feel like it could be liberating.

[1477] Okay.

[1478] Mirrorless land.

[1479] You're getting rid of reflective surfaces too?

[1480] Yeah, no water.

[1481] No water.

[1482] Okay.

[1483] I mean, I think that, you know, you wouldn't want to take away all the drugs from the world.

[1484] If you could remove every single drug, would you?

[1485] There are ones I would remove and ones I would.

[1486] not yeah yeah i would remove crystal math as much as i'd hate to see it go i'd remove cocaine i'd remove heroin i'd leave psilocybans i would leave acid i would leave probably mdema i would have guessed that you would have said keep them because i feel like we've no they they have such diminished returns but i feel like we've had a conversation before about this and you said it's on like a greater good to take care of that.

[1487] It's on personal responsibility.

[1488] Well, I think mostly I think it can't be done.

[1489] So I think all the money spent in trying to do something that can't be done is a waste of money and you'd be much better spending that money on prevention and or treatment.

[1490] That's my opinion of it.

[1491] But yes, if I could wave a wand and get rid of crystal mess, I don't think crystal mess bettering anyone's life ever at any point.

[1492] Okay.

[1493] You know.

[1494] But I'd keep booze, even though booze I think is the most destructive of everything on the planet.

[1495] I mean, just numbers -wise, accidents, health, all of it, certainly the worst.

[1496] It's the same.

[1497] It's like CRISPR.

[1498] Like, would you cut out the bad gene, even though people are benefiting from having those things?

[1499] Mm -hmm.

[1500] Oh, good.

[1501] Thank you.

[1502] Congratulations.

[1503] And Measel Toff.

[1504] Oh, thank you.

[1505] Yeah.

[1506] Okay.

[1507] Which episode of Parenthood was David in?

[1508] He was in.

[1509] He was in Season 5 episode 13 called Jump Ball in case anyone wants to watch that tonight.

[1510] He's so cute.

[1511] Remember he came over to say hi to me and he was in the kitchen and you were in the living room working, but you couldn't help but look over every now and then how cute he was.

[1512] Do you remember?

[1513] And he laughed and you were like, oh, he's so cute.

[1514] You don't remember this?

[1515] I remember it.

[1516] That's not what happened.

[1517] He was there talking to you.

[1518] I was in the living room.

[1519] And then I came over and said hi, I met him, then he laughed, and then you said, isn't he so cute?

[1520] Oh, okay.

[1521] I led you there.

[1522] And I agreed.

[1523] He is so cute.

[1524] But I was not trying to sneak glances at him.

[1525] Well, you should have, because he was telling me about his squat routine, if you remember.

[1526] Oh.

[1527] And he was up and down, up and down.

[1528] He's got nice muffins in back.

[1529] Okay.

[1530] He's got real nice muffins.

[1531] Oh.

[1532] I said pancakes, which is the opposite of what he's got.

[1533] He's got muffins.

[1534] Okay.

[1535] Well, maybe he had pancakes and he worked them out, and now he has muffins.

[1536] Yeah.

[1537] Pancakes is more my department, although increasingly less.

[1538] You're making muffins?

[1539] I've been focusing a ton on my muffins.

[1540] Yeah.

[1541] Okay, you said Tom Brady's 6 .5 and David said he's 220.

[1542] According to the internet, he's 6 .4, 225.

[1543] Mm -hmm.

[1544] Down one inch up five pounds.

[1545] Yeah.

[1546] Uh -oh.

[1547] That's all.

[1548] That's it.

[1549] Yeah.

[1550] Ending on T. Brady.

[1551] Yeah, your favorite.

[1552] Keeping the theme of gorgeous.

[1553] guys alive.

[1554] Yeah.

[1555] We went to all time yesterday for breakfast.

[1556] Oh.

[1557] And there was a guy in there that was so gorgeous.

[1558] I was like, God, if Brad Pitt had a brother who was a welder.

[1559] Oh.

[1560] Long, long, long hair, big beard.

[1561] Okay.

[1562] Gorgeous.

[1563] Okay.

[1564] Beautiful little daughter with him.

[1565] I couldn't stop staring at this guy, the whole meal.

[1566] Oh, my goodness.

[1567] Yeah, you look kind of like a mix between Jesus and Brad Pitt.

[1568] Oh, that's a good combo.

[1569] Yeah, very sexy.

[1570] Very, very sexy.

[1571] You know what?

[1572] I think I may have seen that guy.

[1573] I bet, and you wouldn't forget if you did.

[1574] I really do think I've seen that guy at Reckless Unicorn, a children's store.

[1575] Oh.

[1576] With his kid, probably.

[1577] Yeah, I think I saw him there.

[1578] He looks like one of these guys has just got a great physique and has never exercised in his life.

[1579] It's just from chopping wood and, like, carrying water pails up a hill and stuff.

[1580] I wonder if it's the same guy.

[1581] The Jesus workout.

[1582] Rockless Unicorn is close to all times, so he might live close by.

[1583] He definitely looks like he lives in the neighborhood.

[1584] Wow.

[1585] Yeah.

[1586] Keep your eyes peeled.

[1587] I will.

[1588] Yeah, he's very hot.

[1589] Well, I love you.

[1590] Love you.

[1591] Have a great rest of your day.

[1592] You too.

[1593] Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcast.

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