39 - Kind of Loco

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Are you ready to make some magic?

[17] Do you know magic?

[18] Yeah, I know up close magic.

[19] I can't do distance magic, though.

[20] Sorry.

[21] I'll live.

[22] Welcome to my favorite murder.

[23] I'm Karen Kilgariff.

[24] I'm Georgia, Hardstark.

[25] And together we're.

[26] Karen Kilarv and Georgia, Hard Stark.

[27] Playing along.

[28] How's it going?

[29] Hey, it's good.

[30] How are you?

[31] We're at a different speed this week.

[32] Somebody wrote us on Twitter and said that on the last episode, we seemed hysterical, which I agree.

[33] I think we were slightly hysterical.

[34] We were just like, we were just like ramped up one notch.

[35] Yeah.

[36] It was like powering through it.

[37] Like, I need to get through this.

[38] But it was fun.

[39] We had a great time.

[40] That's all that matters.

[41] Yeah.

[42] We enjoyed ourselves.

[43] I mean, who wants a droll, boring podcast, like murder comedy podcast?

[44] I mean, yeah, I don't think, I don't think most people.

[45] If you've come here for a narrative, true crime podcast.

[46] then just add Adderall and that's what you fucking have.

[47] It's like that.

[48] It's similar.

[49] We're actually on Physicians grade cocaine now.

[50] That's the secret to this podcast.

[51] I wonder what that's like.

[52] It's pretty great.

[53] If you had a chance, never mind.

[54] If I could do a drug again?

[55] No, but like if someone was like this is this physician's grade, like government, whatever the fuck drug Would you do it?

[56] Which drug?

[57] Like Coke, let's say.

[58] Sure.

[59] Well, I can't, you mean like if I didn't have any of my I have all kinds of neurological disorders because I did all that.

[60] Don't do drugs, kids, it's not worth it.

[61] It's totally only because of that.

[62] It wouldn't have them in the memory.

[63] They can't, you know, having epilepsy or seizure disorder.

[64] They don't know why exactly unless they look at your brain.

[65] Like, dropped on your head.

[66] Close up.

[67] I was dropped on my head.

[68] head.

[69] Fuck up.

[70] I didn't tell you that.

[71] I think you probably did.

[72] I did.

[73] My mom tripped over my high chair when I was six months old.

[74] Oh my God.

[75] I don't think I knew this.

[76] Yeah.

[77] And she broke her arm.

[78] We both fell and I hit my head and had to get stitches.

[79] I still have a tiny, tiny scar.

[80] But I'm totally the serial killer as we have discussed in this podcast because I had that.

[81] I'm going to have to kill you before you kill me. Okay.

[82] That makes sense, right?

[83] I think that'd be a great way to go.

[84] Just do it.

[85] Creep up behind me. Okay.

[86] As a favor.

[87] Oh, yeah.

[88] No, you got it.

[89] But no, stabbing.

[90] Slicing?

[91] Please julienne me to death.

[92] I know you love cooking.

[93] I love cooking.

[94] I'm going to julian you.

[95] And a light saute.

[96] I'm going to put you in a cuisine art. I'm going to serve you.

[97] Yeah, don't do drugs, you guys.

[98] Don't do drugs.

[99] We did them for you.

[100] We can come back and tell you.

[101] It's not what it's cut out to be.

[102] It's like how my dad used to say he would never get cable.

[103] We lived way out in the country, so we only got four channels and he wouldn't get cable he'd go hey we have that in the firehouse it's no good let us try we'll decide if we like it or not decided for you yeah it's protected you guys from so much and yet and yet here we are oh sorry hit the uh oh wait uh go ahead what was i gonna yeah don't do drugs i know we're gonna get some email of some mom i'm like i listen with my 12 year old nirlin and you're you're telling her to do drugs oh guess what mom don't listen with your 12 year old I won't even have it.

[104] I listen with my 12 -year -old.

[105] This is a comedy murder podcast.

[106] It is highly inappropriate that anybody would be listening to this.

[107] At that point, that's on you, Mommy.

[108] Yes.

[109] Like, don't come at us.

[110] Mommy.

[111] And then, like, that night, she goes to bed and then looks in the doorway and there's a glint of silver.

[112] Yeah.

[113] Who's that one of you up?

[114] Yeah.

[115] I'm a like, mommy.

[116] High on angel dust.

[117] Like, government quality angel dust.

[118] Because you wouldn't let us warn your children.

[119] off of angel death.

[120] You stopped, you press stop at the point we were talking about doing drugs and didn't listen to the rest of the podcast.

[121] We said, don't do drugs.

[122] Under any circumstances ever do drugs.

[123] No. I mean, we did them and look at us now.

[124] Oh, my God.

[125] I look like I'm about 62.

[126] Yeah.

[127] Unsuccessful.

[128] But, but knows.

[129] I just had a couple thank you for from the Twitter page.

[130] Oh, I love it.

[131] Because people send us amazing, great stuff.

[132] The best.

[133] Can I do some off Instagram then?

[134] Sure.

[135] Your Twitter and I'm Instagram.

[136] Why are you saying it like that?

[137] Nope.

[138] Only me. Only Twitter.

[139] You absolutely can.

[140] I love it.

[141] We just had Courtney sent us pictures of her.

[142] She didn't name the person in the picture with her.

[143] But it was a picture of the two of them.

[144] They had carved Pumpkins.

[145] Oh, I have it.

[146] And I have the name of the girl because they both posted it.

[147] And I was like, I'm going to get them both a shout out because what bummer for one of them.

[148] This is an Instagram area.

[149] And I've overstepped.

[150] No. If they tweeted it, then you retweet it.

[151] Yes.

[152] But there was no. names.

[153] Okay.

[154] Well, I just have no time.

[155] They carved, stay sexy, don't get murdered, and you're in a cult call your dad into pumpkins, which must have taken hours.

[156] Yeah.

[157] Yeah.

[158] I can't carve a fucking pumpkin like that.

[159] Every time I try to cover a pumpkin, it's disappointing.

[160] And you cut your hand and you get that noop in it.

[161] And halfway through, like, what, though?

[162] I don't give a shit.

[163] I'm not going to eat these pumpkin seeds.

[164] A triangle for an eye.

[165] Fine.

[166] You get, you know what?

[167] He's a cyclops.

[168] You know what?

[169] One triangle eye and one tooth.

[170] Boom.

[171] Done.

[172] Can I have another glass of wine, please?

[173] And I don't want to eat these fucking disgusting pumpkin.

[174] You know, oh, let's cook them up.

[175] No, I'm not in second grade.

[176] I'm not falling for pumpkin seeds ever again.

[177] Pangean hour.

[178] Wait, are you going to, do you know the names?

[179] I don't.

[180] But they're sweet baby angels.

[181] It was Courtney at Coffin Bugs is her Twitter handle.

[182] Okay, well, then the other girl is Wandering Lamb on Instagram.

[183] Sweet, it could be the same girl, right?

[184] It might very well.

[185] But either way, they're friends and I think they're both tagged in the Instagram.

[186] Okay, good.

[187] If her name is on Twitter, Coffin Bugs, and then on Instagram Wondering Lamb, that girl contains multitudes.

[188] Absolutely.

[189] God bless her soul.

[190] But then David, whose Twitter handle is Hello, Dabwood, which is kind of like Dagwood but with a B as a boy, made an animated giff of us driving a car.

[191] I'm driving.

[192] You've got Elvis on your lap.

[193] There's a lightning storm in this car.

[194] I can't.

[195] And then when the lightning hits, there's a murderer in the backseat.

[196] But it is so charming and well done and like adorable.

[197] beautiful you showed it to me and you got here because i didn't know because i don't because twitter overwhelms me and like it's the best thing i've ever fucking seen isn't it the best and he sent it to us and it said karen and george about to go missing as fuck and then i retweeted it and said as if which seemed afterwards i thought that might be too argumentative yeah but david we love it so much i'll put it up on the my favorite murder there's a facebook page not the group but there's a page i'll put it up there yeah this is our new thing right the facebook page where we basically control the content you get to go look at it interact do all that stuff but it's different than the Facebook group yeah yeah got just like interacting all kinds of shits going on yeah yeah i think instagram for me i think that if you want to see the cool shit that people make for the for our show which is a fucking ton of stuff that instagram dot com slash my favorite murder or just my favorite murder instagram i just am constantly posting stuff on that because of other people's stuff.

[198] Yeah, they make so much.

[199] It's very cool.

[200] It's just, it's crazy.

[201] And fun.

[202] And fun.

[203] And fun.

[204] And so, everyone's so talented.

[205] And I love all those artists that are like, I was listening to you and I started sketching this thing.

[206] And then it turns into this beautiful.

[207] Yeah.

[208] And then people are like, I want this as a shirt.

[209] And then they go make money.

[210] I'm like, go make fucking money.

[211] I know.

[212] Good.

[213] Good.

[214] It's so cool.

[215] Another murder he knows buy it.

[216] I'm so happy for them.

[217] Just one last one, which was Allison, her Twitter handle is Turbo Allie.

[218] And she had been listening to an old episode and reminded everybody, please clean out your lint trap in your dryer.

[219] Please.

[220] And it makes me happy that she tweeted it, but I want to remind people as well.

[221] I worry about your homes burning down a lot because that's my personal neuroses.

[222] Well, your father was a fireman.

[223] An equally neurotic fireman who would yell at us if there was even a hint of lint in the lint trap.

[224] So I'm doing the same to you.

[225] That reminds me. Yes.

[226] that there is this thing on Alice, Alyssa, is that who she is?

[227] It might be the same girl.

[228] Alyssa on our Facebook group made something called, um, Karen, Georgia and Karen's rules for how to stay sexy and not get murdered or not be a murderer or murder suspect.

[229] Her name is Joanna Groom.

[230] I don't know.

[231] I think it's her, her website.

[232] Oh, okay.

[233] But there's a couple, this is a running list that I will continue to add to as G &K continue to preach.

[234] Number one, if you came here to learn, you're in the wrong place.

[235] That's right.

[236] Number two, guys, if you ever find something, say something, or you look fucking suspicious.

[237] Your parents won't get mad at you for being on someone's land if you find a skull.

[238] Number three, if you find a body, you should tell someone.

[239] That's true.

[240] Number four, guys, do not sell your government secrets.

[241] And it goes on and on for like, fucking, it's not like, oh my God, it's at like 129 at this time.

[242] Jesus Christ.

[243] I want to give out the website, but I don't know what it is.

[244] Well, it's on the Facebook page, right?

[245] I'll put it on the Facebook page.

[246] Yeah.

[247] Cool.

[248] Cool.

[249] That's hilarious.

[250] MFM podcast is the Facebook page.

[251] Thank you, Joanna, for keeping that list.

[252] It's fucking great.

[253] I love it.

[254] That's hilarious.

[255] What do you got?

[256] What corner do you have?

[257] I have, oh my God, I got recognized corner.

[258] Oh.

[259] Which is always fun.

[260] This is separate from San Francisco.

[261] Yeah.

[262] But the girl messaged me on Instagram that it was her.

[263] Oh, nice.

[264] And it was like her.

[265] She had just gotten engaged and she saw me and she was so excited.

[266] Oh, I know.

[267] Congratulations.

[268] That's a good omen.

[269] Yeah.

[270] seeing me or getting engaged her seeing you right when she got engaged that's exciting that maybe she won't get murdered by her future husband well you never know you don't ever know um oh so I was walking out of a juice place in Los Phyllis and some girl just goes my favorite murder which I totally get because like you see someone you're like I just have to say the thing that I know you from immediately because I didn't stop and like say what you know right and I was like yay it like held the juices over my head in triumph and I was like Thank you.

[271] Because it was the person I got recognized, like, in my neighborhood, you know?

[272] Yeah, that's crazy.

[273] Cool hipster girl, like we all are around here.

[274] I love that.

[275] Well, I have one, April and I were eating in the diner we were at Zed at.

[276] April Richardson, everyone's favorite, adorable.

[277] From Go Bayside podcast and stand -up comedy.

[278] And you were eating at a diner as we do.

[279] We were eating in a diner as we do.

[280] And a girl walked by outside and then walked in, pulled out her earbuds and just said, I just want to let you know.

[281] I love your podcast.

[282] I think she may have said I'm listening to it right now.

[283] Oh my God.

[284] That's always been like a dream of walking by someone who's podcast I'm listening to it.

[285] Wouldn't that be the weirdest feeling in the world?

[286] But I might be just saying that because that would be a really good part of a story.

[287] But I feel like she did.

[288] Let's go with it.

[289] But anyway, that was kind of exciting.

[290] And then she left and April goes, this is like a hard day's night.

[291] I was like, it's really not.

[292] It's so actually.

[293] It's exactly like that.

[294] It's totally.

[295] I was getting chased through the street by one person who politely came into the diner.

[296] Politely came in quietly and then immediately left as we sat at a table.

[297] Yeah, eating salad.

[298] Fun times.

[299] Thanks for your support and love you guys.

[300] It really means a lot to us.

[301] This is weird and fun and we love it.

[302] And oh my God, I can't believe it.

[303] It was weird.

[304] That was freak out corner.

[305] Yeah.

[306] There's so many corners.

[307] There's like too many corners.

[308] I don't think that it equals an actual room.

[309] No, no, it's a mansion.

[310] It's a mansion of corners.

[311] Um, should we do a fucking t -shirt corner?

[312] Sure.

[313] I, I just...

[314] George's T -shirt Corner.

[315] George's...

[316] Now sad music is going to start playing.

[317] No, it's just going to be like, oh, like, what's a good anxious song of, like, all the anxiety?

[318] Uh, flight of the bumblebee.

[319] Holy shit.

[320] And we can get clearance on it, too.

[321] Yeah.

[322] Because it's over a hundred years old.

[323] Should I do this in the background while you...

[324] Yes.

[325] Would you mind?

[326] So the T -shirts?

[327] Keep going.

[328] The T -shirts?

[329] are now back on Shopify.

[330] Okay, you can get the...

[331] All right, that's enough.

[332] Yeah, that's too hard.

[333] It was good, though.

[334] Yeah, I couldn't concentrate.

[335] All right, the t -shirts are on my favorite murder shirts .com now.

[336] Okay.

[337] They're also, you know, they're everywhere.

[338] They're everywhere and nowhere.

[339] But for now, go back to my favorite murder shirts.

[340] There's a murderingo shirt and hoodies and mugs and posters and there's all the fucking and you're in a cult call your dad shirt.

[341] Cool shit.

[342] I was wrong to talk about the tote bag, though, right?

[343] Because Dean's Toad's back.

[344] Oh, Topags back.

[345] So what I really like about the Shopify store, my favorite murder shirts .com, is that they have black tow bags.

[346] Cool.

[347] And the place we were using before, it didn't have black ones, and it just didn't look as cool.

[348] Oh, great.

[349] So now all of the, like, quotes and all the designs are on really cool black, like awesome book tow bags, which I love.

[350] And that's the Shopify website.

[351] My Favorite Murder Shirts .com.

[352] Oh.

[353] It's its own.

[354] Does you want to talk about last week when I had to drop in the correct?

[355] What if I did it again?

[356] Because it's now changed again.

[357] Do it, please.

[358] Tell me. So I'm listening to my own podcast.

[359] Quality control, man. I mean, we can say that or we could call it ego non -control.

[360] Whatever.

[361] Quality control.

[362] I enjoy listening back because when we do it oftentimes, it's just a blur.

[363] And then I go, oh, we did say that's funny.

[364] Oh, yeah.

[365] Or do the thing where you picture someone like that you like, listening to the podcast, this is what I sound like.

[366] That's when I stop listening because then I'm like, oh, no. You know what I keep doing is, what the fuck is wrong with my laugh?

[367] Next week, Georgia, control your laugh.

[368] It's like goofy and fucking.

[369] Don't you dare.

[370] The worst thing in the world you could do is change or control your laugh.

[371] I learned that in stand -up comedy.

[372] Oh, yeah.

[373] Because in comedy, standing in the back, you're always trying to get people to know you're laughing at their joke.

[374] But if you try to have, like, say, a feminine laugh or a cute, you're, whatever, just be just in that one arena let yourself be authentic and don't worry about what people think because it's the most natural response that you can have yeah and you should let it come out even if it's a big snorting goose laugh I love snorting laugh well can I in that in that fucking vein can I tell you can I admit something to you is this going to get sad yeah okay I'm a scream sneezer I didn't know I didn't fucking know it until this weekend And past episodes, if you're fucking, if you're new, hi.

[375] Hi, we've talked about scream sneezers before.

[376] Yeah, and I have a real problem with them.

[377] I do too, but apparently it, it overcame you?

[378] No, I do it all the time and I never realized it.

[379] And I asked Vince, and he was, I'm like, am I a scream sneezer?

[380] Because he knows who he's talked about it.

[381] And he was like, uh, no, you're like, and I was, Vince, the best husband in the world.

[382] Such a sweet angel.

[383] I wouldn't call it screaming.

[384] It's the same thing when I ask, do I snore?

[385] Oh, no, you're cute.

[386] You know, like, I saw a yes, I fucking snore.

[387] Yeah, I scream sneeze.

[388] I mean, listen, as long as it's okay that I get mad.

[389] Oh, I don't care.

[390] Because scream sneezing legitimately scares me. It's terrifying.

[391] My mom does it too.

[392] Yeah.

[393] Like, I had a roommate that all of a sudden it would just be like, like, the weirdest thing in the world that you can't ever be prepared for.

[394] No. All right.

[395] Well, maybe I just, maybe, maybe we now know that scream sneezers don't know that they're scream sneezing.

[396] It's true.

[397] And also that they can't control it.

[398] We did get a tweet from somebody who was like, some people can't control it.

[399] And she was clearly very hurt.

[400] I'm sorry if you were hurt.

[401] I'm a person of very strong opinions.

[402] But I also go back on those opinions often times.

[403] It's fun to have, it's fun to be very adamant about things that you really don't give a shit about, honestly, in real life.

[404] That's like by way of a podcast.

[405] We're trying to make the time go by before we die.

[406] Entertainment people.

[407] This is what it's about.

[408] This is it.

[409] What house?

[410] Oh.

[411] Wife shows.

[412] Still don't have bell house tickets.

[413] Oh, the bell house thing is going to get solved soon.

[414] There's people that are going out of their minds.

[415] Crazy.

[416] Stop emailing the bell house.

[417] The bell house can't do anything.

[418] They're making a deal.

[419] So we have to wait until the deal is made.

[420] It's very businessy.

[421] It's not under our control.

[422] It's not like we're choosing to make you wait.

[423] No. So we appreciate your patience.

[424] We also understand your lack of patience.

[425] We know the feeling.

[426] It's a small, venue so we're not trying to mess with you.

[427] Yeah, and like the small venue thing is that we like book these things before we knew that like people listened to the podcast.

[428] We booked this at the beginning of the summer when we thought we were a the little podcast that could.

[429] Yeah, we were like 300 seats.

[430] How are we going to fill that?

[431] And now we just fucking sold out the Chicago podcast festival.

[432] Yeah, so we don't know what we're doing and this are the remnants of that.

[433] And there's going to be a bigger if you can't get to the Bell House Brooklyn show on December 11th.

[434] We will be back.

[435] We're going to be back with a bigger.

[436] Very soon.

[437] Yeah.

[438] And we'll high, maybe high five of you.

[439] Yes, exactly.

[440] And we will literally do, Karen.

[441] I don't know, a bunch of other stuff.

[442] Scream, sneeze right in your face.

[443] She'll sneeze at you.

[444] Whatever you need.

[445] I think that's it?

[446] You want that to be it?

[447] No, no, no. No, I'm kidding.

[448] Did you have something?

[449] No, I have nothing.

[450] Do I?

[451] No, I have nothing.

[452] I don't think I have anything either.

[453] Thanks.

[454] Oh, you know what I was going to say, which, uh, we don't do this that often when it's like an off topic thing.

[455] But I just want to say our friends Pat Walsh and Jota Rosa have a podcast called We'll See You in Hell that I listen to all the time and never plug or give a shout up to and I don't know why.

[456] It's really funny if you like two dudes that fight about like movies.

[457] Those are the two most, if you like people who will argue anything, you know, like either side, those dudes, I can't believe they're friends.

[458] I know.

[459] It's great.

[460] You watch their friendship kind of deteriorate and build back up every episode.

[461] But they're both softies so that they like then feel bad.

[462] They're fucking hilarious both of them.

[463] And it's fun because if you can either watch the movie along with them.

[464] In the beginning, they used to watch the movie and discuss it as it went.

[465] And then you could watch it along with them.

[466] Yeah.

[467] It's always like a like a B horror movie, right?

[468] Yeah.

[469] Well, I think they kind of opened it up.

[470] So it's kind of like whatever movies they want now.

[471] But now they just kind of discuss them.

[472] But anyway, it's totally worth your time if you are into horror movies.

[473] regular movies or just taking our recommendations.

[474] And they're both fucking hilarious.

[475] Hilarious.

[476] Comedy writers.

[477] People.

[478] Good friends.

[479] We like them.

[480] Yeah.

[481] comedians.

[482] Good stuff.

[483] They've never murdered anyone as far as we know.

[484] I just had that realization.

[485] I was listening to their podcast over the weekend.

[486] I was like, I genuinely like this.

[487] I should at least say that.

[488] That's really nice of you.

[489] I think that we should recommend a friend's podcast every episode.

[490] Yeah, it might be good.

[491] Or just things that we actually are watching.

[492] Like, Poldark.

[493] Like what?

[494] Remember?

[495] So I said to Georgia, a lot of of people have asked us, are we going to talk about Amanda Knox?

[496] That Amanda Knox special, which you wrote about, right?

[497] For Elle magazine, yeah, online.

[498] So if you haven't read Georgia's column about it for Elle magazine, look that up because Georgia does her whole summation.

[499] Thank you.

[500] I didn't watch it because Georgia told me she didn't like it.

[501] And so I was like, well, if she didn't like it, I'm not going to like it.

[502] Yeah, I don't think you needed to.

[503] And I know I'm not interested in that case because it's a one -off.

[504] did she, didn't she pretty girl?

[505] There's all kinds of elements that I don't enjoy.

[506] Well, you know what the biggest element is is that the victim really has nothing to do with the whole story.

[507] Yeah, they're completely forgotten.

[508] Yeah, I don't like that.

[509] Like her foot, her crime scene photo with her foot sticking out of the blanket got more air time than her face did.

[510] And I just like, I just don't like those stories.

[511] Right.

[512] You know.

[513] And probably feels unsatisfying.

[514] Yeah.

[515] And I mean, even though it sucks the Jean -Veney Ramsey story, at least it's called the John Ramsey.

[516] It's not called the Patsy and John Ramsey story.

[517] It's like about her.

[518] Yes.

[519] But this is about, it's called Amanda Knox.

[520] So I don't like that.

[521] Yeah.

[522] And so Georgia's wrote, but I texted and said, do you want me to watch it so we can have a discussion about it?

[523] And Georgia basically said, I didn't like it.

[524] So, and then I went, well, if you didn't like it, I'm not going to like it.

[525] And immediately tried to get out of my homework.

[526] And then I said, go ahead.

[527] No, no, go ahead.

[528] I said, just watch a British procedural.

[529] And so I immediately.

[530] downloaded Season 1 and 2 of Poldark If you like P -O -L -E P -O -L -D -A -R -K Poldark That's his last name Ross Poldark If you like Bodhis Rippers Combined with A mining The politics of living In a mining town Oh that's my That's my favorite topic I mean who wouldn't Right there on the coast of England Yeah Get that's what I majored in Get in there I didn't go to college Someone's gonna write and be like They're in Wales or whatever I don't fucking know It was one big green mountain, and I loved it.

[531] I watched every episode.

[532] Ooh, I like that.

[533] I'm never going to watch it.

[534] Perfect.

[535] Congratulations.

[536] Hey, this is exciting.

[537] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[538] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[539] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[540] Who killed Saz?

[541] And were they really after Charles?

[542] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[543] This season, murder hits close to home with a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[544] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[545] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[546] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[547] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[548] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[549] Goodbye.

[550] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[551] Absolutely.

[552] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[553] Exactly.

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[566] important note that promo code is all lowercase go to shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today that's shopify .com slash murder goodbye um shooey murder time let's murder it up i'm excited about mine mine is usually three or four pages yeah this one's six i'm not gonna go i'm not gonna take up all the time but there's just so much information do you want to jump right in yeah can i go first do it i think i'm first this time yeah all right and it's very important know whether or not we know who's for it.

[567] Otherwise, we just get so much hate mail.

[568] Yeah, that's not true either.

[569] All right.

[570] Karen, yeah.

[571] I mentioned it last week.

[572] Are you ready for the Texas eyeball killer?

[573] Oh, that's right.

[574] Yeah, yes, I am.

[575] Are you sure?

[576] Yeah, I really am.

[577] Okay.

[578] I've got my protective eyewear on.

[579] Yeah.

[580] If people have, I was thinking about how a lot of people have eyeball, like, issues.

[581] Issues.

[582] Yeah, they're gross.

[583] The eyeballs are gross and attacking eyeballs are gross.

[584] Attacking eyeballs is fucked.

[585] Like, what is wrong with you?

[586] Yeah, don't worry.

[587] I don't get too into like the gory eyeball details, but there's a couple things.

[588] And he's called the fucking Texas eyeball killer.

[589] So he did some stuff that we need to really look into.

[590] Yes.

[591] Okay.

[592] Are you ready for it?

[593] I think I am.

[594] Here we go.

[595] So in December 13th, 1990, in the Oak Cliff neighborhood of Dallas, Texas, the body of Mary Lou Pratt was found.

[596] She was a 33 -year -old, well -known, prostitute in the area.

[597] I don't know what well -known means.

[598] It's like that everyone hang out.

[599] Was friends with her?

[600] Yeah.

[601] A sex worker, I think we're supposed to say.

[602] Yeah.

[603] Sex worker.

[604] She was last seen in mid -December on a Dallas street corner trying to pick up clients and her body was found at 4 .20 in the morning on a Dallas street, just on a street laying face up.

[605] She had a brawn t -shirt on.

[606] I saw the crime scene photo.

[607] Bad news.

[608] Her shirt was pulled up.

[609] I mean, yeah.

[610] It's very.

[611] bad news.

[612] She had been shot in the back of the head with a 44 caliber gun.

[613] So the medical examiner said that the killer had removed both of her eyes and taken them with him.

[614] Oh.

[615] I wish she hadn't had done that.

[616] Yeah.

[617] Man. Let's see here.

[618] And it was they were removed post -mortem with such precision that there was no damage to the upper or lower lid.

[619] And then it goes on to explain like the intricacies of removing an eyeball and all the like things which I won't get into.

[620] But it's like complex.

[621] It's not like, pluck, you don't pluck.

[622] No, no. My mom used to work in the ophthalmology department at Kaiser.

[623] Oh God, no. So I've this, not to say in any way, say because of that I know anything about removing it.

[624] So you do it all the time then.

[625] But I think I've seen that poster of the the, like, medical post wrote the eye more than I would have liked to.

[626] Right.

[627] Like, what connects this to that?

[628] Yeah.

[629] Well, he did that all without, like, fucking...

[630] The person did that all without fucking any of that out.

[631] That's okay.

[632] So clearly he has an understanding of medical.

[633] This is, it's very Jack the Rippery.

[634] Yes, but in 1990.

[635] Yeah.

[636] She also had blunt force injuries and...

[637] But the cause of death was a gunshot one.

[638] So then in February, on February 10th, 1991, so just a couple months later, in South Dallas, outside the...

[639] The city limits, Susan Peterson, who was also a sex worker, was found dead.

[640] The reason I said prostitute is they worked on the street.

[641] It was like not a great neighborhood, just in general for money.

[642] No one had money.

[643] So they worked on the street.

[644] So they weren't, you know, sex workers and that they were call girls.

[645] I think that's the whole point.

[646] I know.

[647] But I just want everyone to understand what they were doing, which was different than...

[648] There was nothing high class about it, you're saying.

[649] No. No. you know they were yeah sucks so she was found dead shot three times and twice in the head and once in her boob breast i think i'm supposed to say and she also had her eyes removed man and what's weird is that he the person closed the lids after he did it too so they they wasn't they weren't found to have their eyes missing until they got their autopsies it's all intentional and it's all tricky and creepy like what would you what do you think your motive would be to take eyes it's like seriously yeah because it's not gouging out like don't look at me stab yeah it's removal like i'll as if it's evidence like taking them yeah okay so two months later after susan peterson was found the body of a 27 year old woman was found in the same area oh wait no this is susan peterson sorry.

[650] She was found at 7 .45 a .m. And she worked in the same neighborhood as the first woman.

[651] And she was last seen walking the streets looking for clients, found laying face up with only a shirt on, pulled up over a breast, the same M .O. Same exact way to find the woman.

[652] Yes.

[653] So then a month after the second victim was found on March 18th, 1991, Shirley Williams, who was a 42 -year -old woman working as a part -time sex worker in Dallas, was found dead.

[654] And she was completely nude.

[655] She had facial bruises at a broken nose and had been shot in the face through the top of the head.

[656] Stephen, are you going to vomit?

[657] You're kind of, you're moving in a way that's...

[658] Eyeballs freak me out, too.

[659] Do they?

[660] Do you want to go sit in the other room?

[661] No, no, I'll be okay.

[662] Let me know if you needed some air.

[663] You look, I kind of saw you weaving in the background, like, oh, no. she had superficial injuries around the eyes and face and part of an exacto knife blade was found in one of the wounds but sorry eye wound no no no okay okay okay fucking god oh so she was stabbed hard enough that it broke off or broke off the exact one yeah I think he stabbed her and it broke off yeah that's not good both eyes had been removed um so then a pair of patrol officers cut to this after the first three women had been found two cops remembered an incident from a few months prior there was a woman named veronica rodriguez also a sex worker and she claimed she had been attacked and she claimed she had been taken into the woods and raped then ran to a friend's house and he rescued her so the the rescuer was a guy who was a truck driver named um axon shinler and he said he was only giving her a ride, didn't know anything about the attack or the injuries, super shady and weird, but the police questioned him and his address was 1035 El Dorado Street.

[664] So they wondered if the attacker was the eyeball killer and they decided to re -question Schindler to find out if he had seen something.

[665] He was a weirdo himself.

[666] He like collected trash stuff.

[667] So they discovered that 1035 Eldorado wasn't actually his address.

[668] He'd put a fake address on the license out of paranoia.

[669] But the property belonged to someone named Fred Albright, but he was dead.

[670] So a couple months go by.

[671] They're trying to figure out who this fucking killer is.

[672] And then a deputy overhears them talking about this whole situation of Schindler and Albright.

[673] And he remembers a phone call weeks before with a woman who said that she was friends with one of the victims of the eyeball killer.

[674] So she had been friends with Mary Lou Pratt, the first victim.

[675] And she said that the victim had once dated a man named Charles Albright.

[676] And the reason that stuck out to her was that he had a weird obsession with eyes and kept exacto knife blades in his addicts.

[677] In his what?

[678] Attic.

[679] Attic.

[680] I always say addict.

[681] But you mean the room above your house?

[682] Attic.

[683] Yeah, yeah.

[684] I don't know why I do that.

[685] Okay.

[686] So it turns.

[687] I just want to make sure.

[688] No, you're addict.

[689] That's what I fucking kept it in his addict, his friend who was an addict.

[690] Did you hold these for me?

[691] Hey man. He did him and I got some real good government coke.

[692] Um, so Charles, this fucking addict dude was the son of the guy who owned that home.

[693] Okay.

[694] So Fred Albright's son and he had inherited that location.

[695] Um, so let's talk about Charles Albright.

[696] He was born in Amarillo, Texas, and he was a adopted from an orphanage by Del and Fred Albright.

[697] His mother was kind of loco.

[698] Loco?

[699] Can we cut that out?

[700] Who the fuck am I?

[701] Kind of crazy.

[702] Loco?

[703] Never said that before.

[704] We were just trying to change it up a little.

[705] I don't know.

[706] His adoptive mom was a school teacher and she was super strict and overprotected.

[707] She, overprotective, she like made him study a lot and he ended up skipping two grades because he was so fucking smart.

[708] And she pampered him like crazy She kept goats in the backyard So he could drink goat's milk Which she said it was better for him than cow's milk She occasionally put him in little girl's dresses And gave him a doll to hold Uh -oh She would change his clothes a couple times a day To keep dirt off of him So loco She was loco She was straight up Yeah And she was afraid that he might touch dog feces And get polio So she took him to the hospital To see the polio page locked in huge iron lungs what that doesn't keep you from touch no and dog pieces isn't where you fucking get polio bro it's the air like it's just the air you know that's so awful I know but this is the thing my brain always flashes you can you imagine a parent today yeah taking their child to witness something yeah exactly don't touch the stove look at all these people who have been have third degree burn however I think my aunt one time my cousin he was little lit the fucking kitchen on fire because he was doing that thing with matches where you flick them after you light them.

[709] Yes.

[710] Let the whole kitchen on fire.

[711] This is in the 70s.

[712] So he was not being watched.

[713] And it was his fault for playing with matches, not their fault for not leaving them around.

[714] For leaving them around.

[715] For smoking 24 hours a day.

[716] Right.

[717] And I think that they took him to the burn word to be like, this is what fucking happens when you play with matches.

[718] And how was he after that?

[719] He's fine now.

[720] He's kind of mean to me when we were little.

[721] The kind of sadistic, the mean.

[722] before, after the burn ward visit.

[723] After.

[724] Yeah, so he's still working some stuff out.

[725] Yeah, but he's like, fine now.

[726] I mean, I think you need to trust your children better that you don't have to traumatize them to get the lesson through their head.

[727] I think you should teach them not to fucking play with fire to begin with.

[728] I mean, I just remember when I lit the bed on fire, my mom screams were enough to keep me from ever doing it again.

[729] Yeah, that's the secret.

[730] Because she looked at me like, what the hell is wrong with you?

[731] And then I was like, I don't know.

[732] Yeah, you have no. you have an excuse for me like I hate when you do something you're like this is something a stupid person would do yeah I have no like am I a stupid person my thing was like can you please just pay attention to me like I just I'm really fun yeah I think of great stuff get off the phone get off the mother fucking phone hang up that long corded what was it fucking Mary gold or was it yes it was Mary gold I swear to God because that's the entire 70s was Mary gold it really was I see her fucking sitting there on the phone twisting the big long cord around her very manicured fingernail and telling me five minutes.

[733] Nothing.

[734] She was probably talking to her friend Pat Ronkin in Florida and they were just talking about the good old days.

[735] Rockin?

[736] Ronkin.

[737] Oh, damn it.

[738] With an end.

[739] Addict.

[740] But she was rocking.

[741] She was the best.

[742] Oh, my gosh.

[743] Okay, sorry.

[744] Anyway.

[745] No, this was the best.

[746] All right.

[747] See you later.

[748] Are you leaving?

[749] Okay.

[750] So she would take him to the polio, to look at the polio patients.

[751] And those poor polio patients are like, fuck you.

[752] Don't use me an example.

[753] I didn't touch dog shit.

[754] The idea, yeah, really.

[755] I never touch, don't put that on me. The idea of being in an iron lung where just your head is sticking out is such a goddamn nightmare.

[756] For months.

[757] Horrible.

[758] Oh, those poor babies.

[759] Yeah.

[760] And then she said to him, you can spend the rest of your life here.

[761] She would tell him.

[762] But she was, it's, from what I read, she was very protective and loving of him in a way because she wanted him to know that she was never going to abandon him and that she loved him.

[763] Like, it doesn't seem like she was.

[764] doing it wrong.

[765] I know.

[766] I don't think she was abusive, but her intentions were good.

[767] Yeah.

[768] She was overbearing and didn't really understand how to parent.

[769] Yeah, she was letting her neuroses take priority over his well -being.

[770] And it sounds like she had a lot of neuroses aside from what she did to her kid.

[771] But she doesn't sound like a bad person.

[772] She just wasn't.

[773] She was scared.

[774] I think she had a little bit of a mental illness.

[775] Yeah.

[776] Oh, well, however, the next line says, when he was less than a year old, she put him in a dark room as punishment for, chewing on her tape measure.

[777] Man, Elvis chees on my tape measure all the time.

[778] No, no dark rooms for babies.

[779] Absolutely.

[780] I think we've agreed that in 2017.

[781] You know what's scary when you're a kid?

[782] The dark room.

[783] You're not scared in your adult?

[784] A dark room.

[785] Don't do it.

[786] And then, you know, it's scary?

[787] I just said it was 2017.

[788] You know, it's scary.

[789] I didn't even fucking notice.

[790] Is it?

[791] No, not yet.

[792] Let's hold this episode until 2017.

[793] So we sound normal.

[794] goes in the vault like Disney style.

[795] I keep reading more awful stuff that makes me take back everything I just said.

[796] When he wouldn't take a nap, she would tie him to the bed.

[797] She was abusive.

[798] When he wouldn't drink his milk, she would spank him.

[799] She would make him drink goat's milk.

[800] Yeah, have you?

[801] I've never had a goat's milk.

[802] No, I have.

[803] And I'd like to take an aside right now and say that everyone listening, spanking is abuse.

[804] Don't fucking spank your kids.

[805] Oh, man. Karen?

[806] That's why I don't have kids And I don't Then the problem never even comes up Wait should I shouldn't I Nope I should go to the movies by myself That's what I should do You know what's great as being an aunt And getting to go away after That's right And then they have to take care of you And you're old That's what I figured out recently That's pretty right Oh and then she lectured him About the way his father The father acted greedy with sex Whenever Oh no As a child She told him that whenever the dad saw her in the bedroom and her bra and underwear, he tried to grab her.

[807] She was going to have none of that.

[808] And she was going to make sure that Charlie never tried anything like that with his friends, his girlfriends either.

[809] Oh.

[810] And he, as she, he were older, she chauffered them every time they went on a date.

[811] She would call the girls' parents to let them know that her son would not do anything untoward.

[812] Lady.

[813] But that was the 50s, too.

[814] So I don't know.

[815] So she was on pills.

[816] She was on vacuum pills.

[817] I think she had an amazing, cut an amazing figure, like, because she just didn't eat.

[818] She wore four girdles, and she was super high on speed.

[819] She ate a triangle of toast every morning with...

[820] And the tomatoes of cottage cheese.

[821] Tomato and cottage cheese.

[822] Lady.

[823] Tomato and cottage cheese.

[824] I mean, okay.

[825] So it's so much about life.

[826] Yeah.

[827] So for some reason, he got his first gun as a teenager, and he'd kill small animals with it.

[828] Sure.

[829] But his mom would help him stuff them due to his interest in becoming a taxidermist.

[830] This guy had no chance.

[831] No, he got super into fucking taxidermy.

[832] But his mom was super cheap and weird and like wouldn't spend any money on anything.

[833] So instead of spending the money on the glass eyes that one would buy for a taxidermied birds and squirrels and shit, she was like, we don't need to do that.

[834] So instead they would get two dark buttons.

[835] And so people would come over and look at their taxidermy and it'd be this, it's like that movie.

[836] Coraline.

[837] Coraline.

[838] So I wonder who the eyeball killer is right now.

[839] Are we going to go ahead and make a guess?

[840] I mean, this is like all arrows pointing to, what's his name, Dan?

[841] It's his name Dan?

[842] No, it's Charles Albright.

[843] Charles.

[844] Chuck.

[845] Chuck Danny, you never had a goddamn chance.

[846] Chuck Danny, you never had a goddamn chance.

[847] Poor baby.

[848] But it seemed like he, so all of these like Wikipedia articles and these other things just make him seem like a crazy, you know, like a gross drifter, like killer.

[849] but this other article I read it was just like he was a he was very very fucking intelligent but at age 13 he was a who's a petty theft whatever I agree with salt he um graduated from high school at age 15 because he was so fucking smart and then he went to the north texas university he wanted to train as a medical doctor and a surgeon um he wanted to train as a surgeon yeah yeah and at 16 the police caught him with him stolen petty cash he spent a year in jail at 16 and then um he went back to school of majored in pre -med studies but was found stolen items again and was expelled but not prosecuted so we had a key to uh compulsion control problem what's that called um compulsion control i made it up that's what it's called from now on i think so impulse control impulse control yeah yeah yeah dig it um so he got kicked out at his school so he did what everyone else would do, which is that he gave himself a fictitious bachelor's and master's degree.

[850] He forged himself.

[851] Problem, solved.

[852] Solved.

[853] I mean, he knows everything anyway.

[854] I mean, it sounds like it.

[855] Yeah.

[856] He's like, so it turns out I'm an eye doctor.

[857] Yep, here you go.

[858] Here's my forged shit.

[859] But he had like done it by breaking into like the fucking head of the college's office and like using the right typewriter and everything.

[860] So it all looked.

[861] Oh, that's good.

[862] Like he was very conniving.

[863] So he got a master's and forger.

[864] I mean, at that point, you can do that, you deserve it.

[865] Yeah, you deserve something, you know?

[866] Fuck you.

[867] So, cool.

[868] I don't know.

[869] Society, man. Yeah, man. College.

[870] I think I have a thing against college because I never went and I hate you, college.

[871] Me too.

[872] But somehow he married his college girlfriend.

[873] I don't know.

[874] Man, some women just fucking.

[875] Well, come on.

[876] Chuck Danger.

[877] Yeah.

[878] You got to get near that shit.

[879] She's bored of all these dumb college students at Arkansas State Teachers College.

[880] She's like, yon a clock.

[881] Yes.

[882] He's dangerous.

[883] He's not grabby.

[884] Yeah.

[885] He's not afraid of the dark anymore.

[886] He doesn't grab her when she's in her underwear and brouma.

[887] He loves buttons.

[888] Oh, great.

[889] He's got a master's.

[890] He's got a master's and a bachelor's.

[891] Turns out.

[892] They got married.

[893] They had a kid and he started teaching high school science.

[894] There's a photo of him in like a school photo.

[895] Okay, so this guy, he seems like this criminal.

[896] He's this normal fucking smart guy with friends that goes to church.

[897] that is like everyone likes no one can believe it one of those guys yeah he's not like a gross like his fucking mugshot's creepy but his he wasn't like he had a life yeah yeah um yeah he says he had a pied piper like ability to captivate people and he so um in 1965 he and his wife separated and because he got caught stealing again and he served less than six months he loved to steal.

[898] He loved.

[899] He had a compulsion to steal.

[900] Maybe just to see if he can get away with it.

[901] And also like Steve and I were talking before the show started about stealing.

[902] There's something to it too where you just like when you have that thing I need this.

[903] Yeah.

[904] Like you rationalize needing something.

[905] I used to steal a lot and it was like it was like a fuck you.

[906] I never stole from like people or Did you steal from like CBS?

[907] Yeah.

[908] Yeah.

[909] That's like the teen girls right of pass.

[910] And I was poor and didn't have money and, like, to have enough for things that, like, everyone else got to have.

[911] And I felt, like, justified.

[912] Yeah.

[913] I felt justified in, like, fuck you, everyone.

[914] I want this, too.

[915] I will have three wet and wild lipsticks.

[916] Yes.

[917] Fucking that crazy pink that I'd then were to raves.

[918] Yes.

[919] That lip liner that's so long, it'll last you, like, seven years.

[920] Yes.

[921] And does it be in any purse, the, like, maroon one?

[922] And the irony there is that wet and wild makeup is so cheap.

[923] And yet, that's the one that everyone's.

[924] steals.

[925] I know.

[926] So funny.

[927] But then you're like, well, you paid three cents to make this with fucking slave labor.

[928] Yeah.

[929] So give me mine.

[930] Give me mine.

[931] Don't steal.

[932] Don't do drugs.

[933] Don't steal.

[934] Don't do drugs.

[935] We used to do pink.

[936] There would be a pink lipstick, but then you took frosty white eyeshadow.

[937] Oh my God.

[938] And put it on your lips while it was while the gloss was still wet.

[939] Ew.

[940] And so you had the frostiest pink lipstick of all time.

[941] Frosty pink lipstick was fucking in.

[942] Eighty four baby.

[943] Yes.

[944] All right.

[945] Anyway.

[946] Love it.

[947] Sidebar Nation.

[948] Sidebar Nation.

[949] Ta -da -da -da -da -da.

[950] Okay.

[951] But so he, so everyone loved him.

[952] He, everyone, all the neighbors trusted him.

[953] Here's a funny thing.

[954] He was asked by local residents to babysit their children.

[955] I'm sorry.

[956] Well, he was, but his whole act was working.

[957] I know.

[958] Being a big stealer.

[959] I'm sorry.

[960] Who the fuck lets grown men babysit their children?

[961] Oh, yeah, no. That's my problem.

[962] And also, this was not long ago.

[963] This wasn't like Albert Fishton.

[964] We were like, yeah, let the old baby sit in as like recent.

[965] 81 where like all of that hadn't, they didn't believe the children still.

[966] And you're like, my uncle fucking touched me. They're like, shut the fuck up.

[967] How dare you?

[968] It was all burbling to the surface.

[969] Yeah.

[970] I think towards the end of the 80s is when they were like, oh, shit, don't leave your kid alone with a grown man. Yeah.

[971] Got it.

[972] Don't, don't accept help from a grown man who wants to help you with your kids.

[973] Yeah.

[974] He doesn't, he's not.

[975] a nice guy.

[976] He's, and also grown men, if you're not a muster, don't try to fucking babysit kids.

[977] Yeah, find another outlet.

[978] Ride horses or something.

[979] I don't know.

[980] Go to therapy.

[981] Don't you have a fantasy something team that you need to maintain?

[982] Watch the dogs.

[983] Fine.

[984] Even the cats.

[985] Don't offer to watch the children.

[986] Just get a bunch of dogs.

[987] Yeah.

[988] We've solved it.

[989] Done.

[990] Done.

[991] Look at us.

[992] Legislation with Corner with Karen It's so easy.

[993] Let's see.

[994] Oh, but then guess what?

[995] In 1981, while visiting some friends, he sexually molested their nine -year -old daughter.

[996] Oh, no. And this is when his whole facade started to crumble.

[997] He was prosecuted and pled guilty, but he, and received, I'm sorry, what did he receive for this?

[998] Fucking what probation.

[999] But he said that he said, he pled guilty because he didn't want it to become a big thing.

[1000] He wanted to kind of keep it a secret so no one knew about it because he, but he, quote, didn't do it, but he still pled guilty to it, whatever.

[1001] Okay.

[1002] At this part, he falls in love with a woman named Dixie, and then he starts, he takes a paper route in the early morning, and it turns out it's so he could visit prostitutes without raising his wife's suspicions, his new wife.

[1003] Yeah, adult paper routes are suspicious as far.

[1004] Yeah.

[1005] Get a fucking telemarketing job, bro.

[1006] Um, so, so we're back to this woman being like, yeah, my friend who died, Mary Lou Pratt was friends with Charles and he was into fucking eyeballs.

[1007] Not fucking, but it was in eyeballs and stuff.

[1008] Yeah.

[1009] And there's proof that he was friends with her way before she came a prostitia fucking sex worker.

[1010] In the early 80s, Mary lived in South Dallas neighborhood while Albright's parents had invested in cheap rental property.

[1011] And he was living in one of the rental homes.

[1012] And he had a brief fling with one of Mary's friends and had brought them over to the house for parties, so they knew each other already.

[1013] And then when she started to become a sex worker, he became one of her customers.

[1014] And she said that old man Albright was a good trick, willing to pay a little more than the going rate.

[1015] But he's claiming from jail now, I just spoil the whole thing.

[1016] He's claiming that he didn't even visit prostitutes.

[1017] I mean, why would he admit that?

[1018] Yeah.

[1019] So I think she was his first kind of forehand who into sex work.

[1020] It says he would pick them up, talk to them, take them to get a hamburger, and drop them back off.

[1021] That sounds like a perfect date.

[1022] Yeah.

[1023] Sorry, what's he paying for there besides hamburgers?

[1024] I don't know, but I think eventually he started to do it.

[1025] Okay.

[1026] So, beep -bo -pop, let's see.

[1027] Okay, I'd March 22nd, 91.

[1028] He's arrested in charge for three counts of murder.

[1029] Oh, bless you.

[1030] that's how you do it that was okay i get it i get it no i fucking get it how is it the first time either of us have sneezed on this podcast i know it really is 38 episodes especially a fucking closed room full of cats i know and i don't i'm gonna be honest i don't fucking vacuum that couch much so all right sorry go ahead no that was an amazing sneak um let's see so but eventually he was known by several street sex workers I know he was violent towards them so that was a growing thing like when it started out he was all hambrews and cute and then it basically he got comfortable yeah and started to be able to do whatever he wanted to do they said that one said that he beat her with an extension cord or a belt to achieve orgasm another told a reporter that he would another told her that he would kill her if she tried to take advantage of him and he and also he was known to have an normal obsession with eyes and he would remove eyes from dolls and photographs fucking fuck man yeah like get another M .O because if you have this thing in your daily life it's like you've heard the bicycle killer and you're obsessed with bicycles like become the skateboard killer instead you know change it up so the cops won't find you immediately yeah yeah it's like come on it can it's his obsession um it's like stephen with the brittney spears movie he just can't stop thinking about it every moment of every day yeah he's like oops i did it again thought about it that wasn't that funny was it well it was to me i appreciate that care that's why we're partners i don't fake laugh at you i know you don't and i love it and when you laugh at me it's always i'm always it's like it's like you're scream sneezing because i'm like what i'm always surprised you're shocked pleasantly shocked um doot doot okay so all right so here's okay so the reason I found this whole murder is because on crack dot com my favorite late night fucking read the best website crack dot com dude there was one one list called five suspicious details of famous crimes no one can explain I'm sorry I would read that for hours yeah make that list 500 please I am there there so the weird thing about this case is that this fucking this dude from the beginning if you'll remember um what i can't remember axon axon the truck driver shinler the truck driver they were like well what's his connection he his driver's license had the address of the killer's father how does that make any sense this guy must have been part of it or known no fucking connection at all what he just happened to live in a rental property that was owned by the killer.

[1031] So there's no connection.

[1032] He just, the guy who picked up the truck driver who picked up this woman who had been beaten up and gave her right home.

[1033] I don't believe it.

[1034] I know, but it's true, pretty sure.

[1035] Like he just is clean on the deal even though he knows the parent of the killer or the attempted killer.

[1036] He happened to live in a rental property that was owned by the Albright's and he happened to use a another of their addresses as his fake address, and he just happened to be there at the time to pick up one of his would -be victims.

[1037] I'm sorry, three happen -to -bees in one man's life adds up to a whole bunch of year full of shit.

[1038] Write that shit down, man. Come on.

[1039] It's just coming out of my mouth.

[1040] So the cops interrogated him for hours, thinking there how to be a connection, not a single witness had ever seen him before, and there was no physical evidence that he had even ever been at the crime scenes or knew about Albright's murderous hobby at all.

[1041] In general, he seemed to...

[1042] This is Schindler you're talking about.

[1043] Yeah.

[1044] Okay.

[1045] He seemed to have no idea what was going on.

[1046] He helped a woman in need and that's all he fucking knew about it.

[1047] Wow.

[1048] That's crazy.

[1049] Yeah, but now, okay, so wait, let me...

[1050] Also, aren't you a little suspicious of cross -contained truck drivers because of so many terrible forensic files where it's like they have murder barns all across the Midwest?

[1051] You're going into a small...

[1052] Like, if you're you know, a sex worker, you're going to a small and closed place that they know were things...

[1053] I mean, no, yeah.

[1054] I know.

[1055] But he's innocent.

[1056] Yeah, well, yes.

[1057] Okay.

[1058] All right.

[1059] Well, let's go back to the trial after Charles Albright gets arrested.

[1060] December 13th, 1991.

[1061] Like, doesn't this seem like an old -timey crime, like, from the 70s?

[1062] Completely.

[1063] Aren't you picturing like...

[1064] When you said 1990, I was genuinely shocked.

[1065] I know.

[1066] Aren't you thinking of like old.

[1067] fucking Cadillac Seville's and shit.

[1068] Yeah, it's a lot of time ago, which I guess is a long time ago for 12 -year -olds whose moms let them listen to this fucking podcast.

[1069] Hi.

[1070] So the evidence was that eight hairs that match Shirley Williams, one of the victims, was found in Albright's a vacuum cleaner.

[1071] Okay.

[1072] That's not good.

[1073] That's just a, that's kind of cool, right?

[1074] But who had the job of going through the vacuum?

[1075] Like, did that really happen?

[1076] Or they just like, push some fucking.

[1077] I mean, we cannot know But that's like a forensic job That's what you're signing up for Yeah, dude There's people who are listening Who might know the answer to that That's true Maybe they've done it before Yeah, that's right Email us They got a pair of tweezers Some old Revlons for CVS That they shoplifted And they're just going through that dust bag Molecule by molecule It's only because their boss doesn't like them But they had got that job That's the shit job They mouthed off at lunch Yeah, man, that's the shit job They drank too much at the fucking company picnic.

[1078] Yep, and called somebody a fat bastard.

[1079] Oh, really?

[1080] Well, you'll be picking through the vacuum cleaner bag this week.

[1081] Dunhill.

[1082] Damn it.

[1083] Shit, I did it again.

[1084] Oh, hell are we, okay.

[1085] We could just, that could be a forever.

[1086] A whole forever.

[1087] All right.

[1088] And then three pubic hairs from a blanket at Shirley Williams murder scene were matched to Albright.

[1089] They also found hair on a yellow raincoat that matched his hair that was near one of the bodies.

[1090] Should I mention at this moment that about hair, he's what I was totally thinking too is I think in like the first episode I had read the news story that they have proven that that's not a thing anymore.

[1091] Conclusive, right?

[1092] Which I just find kind of hard to, I find maybe not as not as conclusive as they originally thought.

[1093] Right.

[1094] That hair evidence and fiber evidence.

[1095] Like if you find a purple fiber and the fucking on the body of a dead person and the person that you think is the suspect because of connections also has a purple carpet like you can't just convict them on the purple carpet but if there's other connection right if it's one piece of many that are all fitting together but then that's all that all speaks to like when you're looking for patterns will you see those patterns and the other fucking the other part of that is do you have a good prosecuting attorney and do you have a shitty defense attorney right you know what I mean yes man yeah so then three hairs from the head of Susan Peterson were found on a blanket in Albright's truck.

[1096] So all three of them had hair that were connected to him.

[1097] Yeah, that's impossible.

[1098] That's when you're like, okay.

[1099] Yeah.

[1100] Yeah.

[1101] So December 18th, 91, the jury found him guilty.

[1102] Received a sentence of five years to life, but only for the murder of Shirley Williams.

[1103] It's the only one he got convicted on.

[1104] Five years.

[1105] Five to life.

[1106] Who are we?

[1107] Where are we?

[1108] What's happening?

[1109] I mean, why naturally isn't that 15 to life?

[1110] I don't I don't know.

[1111] Five.

[1112] Five.

[1113] How old was he?

[1114] Do you know?

[1115] Like, was he older?

[1116] I think he was in his 50s.

[1117] Okay.

[1118] No, not old enough that like, and the other thing is everyone's like, he's going to be in there for 15 years.

[1119] And it's like, my dad is fucking 71.

[1120] That's not that old anymore.

[1121] Right.

[1122] And also, he killed people.

[1123] He murdered people.

[1124] He murdered people.

[1125] He murdered He murdered innocent people who didn't deserve to die.

[1126] No. He got, well, he got fucking proby on a fucking molestation.

[1127] Proby, do people call it that?

[1128] I don't know what I know that up.

[1129] I bet you anything.

[1130] I bet you that's police lingo.

[1131] Proby For probation Yes I'm gonna fucking Doesn't it sound like it should be Yes for sure Probe Proby We're definitely calling it that from now on Goops email us So He's at the Clements unit Of the Texas Department of Corrections in Amarillo And he's a motherfucking piece of shit But he's saying from prison That he's like He won't not admit to any of it He's blaming fucking Schindler And saying it's him Oh, interesting.

[1132] And I love, but there's just no action.

[1133] There's no evidence.

[1134] Everything about like the woman who, Rodriguez, who said she attacked him, another woman who knew him.

[1135] Who, uh, knew him.

[1136] Everyone saw a photo lineup and picked him.

[1137] Like, it's fucking him.

[1138] And he grew up obsessed with eyes.

[1139] And he has, he was trained as a, he was in, like, medical student surgeon.

[1140] like what's more of a coincidence that this dude used to live in this guy's house and put another one of his addresses down or and that he'd killed it or killed them or that this fucking eyeball obsessed fucking overbearing pet of mother overbearing crazy mom who dress him up in women's clothes not to say that there's anything around with boys dressing up in women's clothes as long as they're doing it themselves you get to do it so you're it's all about choice yes as many things are yes but also he's a proven, repeated, and seemingly remorseless criminal, and he is, what do they call that?

[1141] It's getting worse as the years go by.

[1142] Each crime gets a little worse.

[1143] Then he becomes a, he's a child molester.

[1144] He seems like he feels like he's entitled.

[1145] Yes.

[1146] Like I did when I used to shoplift.

[1147] But I'm better now.

[1148] I would never fucking shoplift now.

[1149] Your, your, um, your crimes never escalated.

[1150] The thought of shoplifting now horrifies me. The thought of I did that when I was, I'm not like, eh, it's a shoplily.

[1151] It's, I'm so embarrassed about that time.

[1152] Right.

[1153] Because now you know the, the, uh, I was going to say side effects.

[1154] I have a moral compass now.

[1155] Yes, exactly.

[1156] And it actually affects other people.

[1157] We're talking about a person who's probably a sociopath.

[1158] Yep.

[1159] And who, or more.

[1160] But the, but the idea, I mean, I have to say and I hate to sound this way.

[1161] I don't hate to sound this way.

[1162] I am this way.

[1163] The idea that he.

[1164] he removed eyes, that he, that there was an additional thing to his straight up murders that, that you would, that it's very common of these serial killers to kill sex workers in their mind have this pseudo kind of righteous, almost religious thing about as if they're cleaning up the streets or something like that.

[1165] This extra detail of taking eyes and closing eyelids is so morbidly fascinating to me. You know what's really weird about it too if you think about it is that these women were killed pretty brutally.

[1166] They were beat up.

[1167] They were stripped of their clothes.

[1168] They were raped.

[1169] They were shot.

[1170] Yet he carefully systematically removed.

[1171] He didn't gouge their eyes out and fucking, you know, take him and run away.

[1172] He very, you had to do that probably slowly and carefully with the right tools.

[1173] Yeah.

[1174] So it wasn't a fit of crazy rage that he just went into.

[1175] Also, and nobody wants to think about this, but if you just for one second, think about how insanely hideous it would be to remove someone's eyes.

[1176] Yeah.

[1177] And to keep, I mean, what did he do with them?

[1178] Where did he put them?

[1179] They never found them.

[1180] They never found anything.

[1181] Not his eyes.

[1182] Not their eyes.

[1183] What if there's like, a rental space somewhere?

[1184] There's got to be so much shit.

[1185] There's just six jars of eyes staring out at you.

[1186] I always wonder, wasn't there like a, the reality show where they bid on blind lots where they would buy a rental space.

[1187] Storage unit?

[1188] Storage wars.

[1189] What if you fucking, there's an episode of storage wars, they throw open a door.

[1190] Eyeballs.

[1191] Just fucking six eyeballs stereo.

[1192] I'll pay a thousand.

[1193] Can I start the bit at a thousand?

[1194] Please.

[1195] That was good.

[1196] That's a eyeball killer, man. That's good.

[1197] I didn't even really know much about that.

[1198] Thank you, cracked.

[1199] I knew nothing, except for when you mentioned it, and immediately assumed it was like the torso killer in Ohio, like 30 style old -fashioned murderer.

[1200] Yeah, because it feels like old -timey.

[1201] And the other thing is that about this guy that is suspicious is that he was this child monster or this criminal, this like fucking crazy, you know, and yet he had this charming normal life.

[1202] It wasn't like he was living, you know, off the grid and as a like drifter.

[1203] No, he had the mask on tight.

[1204] He maintained, man. Yeah.

[1205] And, you know, there's all these comments of people, the normal comments of, I can't believe it.

[1206] Not him.

[1207] No way.

[1208] It's amazing.

[1209] He was such a nice guy.

[1210] You know, and then this family is like, he molested our daughter.

[1211] Yeah.

[1212] Shocked.

[1213] Crazy.

[1214] Yeah.

[1215] That's some fucked up shit, man. He was a scream sneeze of a human being.

[1216] Is what he was.

[1217] Oh, my God.

[1218] I just scared Mimi so bad.

[1219] I just scream laughed.

[1220] I'm sorry, Mimi.

[1221] Oh, my gosh, she just lost her mind.

[1222] She'll be all right.

[1223] Mimi seems fragile.

[1224] She's very.

[1225] She's like, please.

[1226] She was found in a dumpster.

[1227] All right.

[1228] Well, should I do mine?

[1229] No. I mean, I'm going to blaze through this because here's the thing.

[1230] Did I take too long?

[1231] No, no, no, no. I loved it.

[1232] It was so good.

[1233] Should I do mine?

[1234] That's what this podcast is.

[1235] I didn't mean it.

[1236] First of all, mine is a heavy hitter.

[1237] And I feel like a lot of people know this one.

[1238] I definitely a lot of people have written to us and requested that we do this guy.

[1239] Did I rain all over your parade?

[1240] No, no, no. Take your fucking time, man. It's Edmund Kemper, the co -ed killer.

[1241] Yeah.

[1242] It's the man who was six foot nine, Stephen.

[1243] Six foot nine.

[1244] That in and of itself is scary and intimidating.

[1245] So intimidating.

[1246] Sorry to all you super tall guys out there.

[1247] But it is.

[1248] And when you see video of Edmund Kemper walking with cops.

[1249] Is he a big guy too?

[1250] Like not just like a tall skinny or is he?

[1251] I mean, he's not humongous.

[1252] He is proportionate.

[1253] But when he walks through doorways, he has to duck.

[1254] He's that tall.

[1255] Six nine is out of control.

[1256] And to imagine that on top of.

[1257] that he's a psychotic, paranoid, schizophrenic psychopathic killer.

[1258] It's so upsetting.

[1259] Do you think he went crazy because people kept asking him if he plays basketball?

[1260] I always wonder that about telling people how fucking sick of that they are.

[1261] They're so sick of it.

[1262] And also, it's like people expect them to be good and then when they're not, they get, like, I don't fucking play basketball.

[1263] I don't even like a basketball.

[1264] I love golf.

[1265] Did you play basketball, man?

[1266] Dude, you must love basketball.

[1267] Oh, fuck you.

[1268] All right.

[1269] So, just to briefly also I don't like doing these ones because I don't like to talk about the serial killer themselves like they're a star yeah I fucking hate that like knowing their whole life when really it's like fuck you this one woman that you murdered life is way more important than your whole life right well and also you rendered your own life like a shitty a shitty factoid list because of the actions that you acted out in that life so you made them obvious and this fucking example of what serial killers are like yeah yeah but it's not impressive to me. And also when you see this person interviewed, to me all I think is, what a waste because he was really smart.

[1270] He was a big giant that was also a genius.

[1271] No one ever knew he was a genius because he had a terrible mother, which is kind of sometimes a theme on this show.

[1272] Another abusive, like obsessive, controlling dominant mother who was impossible to please.

[1273] And um yes all dominant mothers i mean so let's see it just basically goes like this he was born in burbank california what are you fucking serious that's where that's where i live down the street no that's crazy he didn't know that he his parents had a bad marriage um they divorced when ed was nine and his mother moved him to hell in a montana um and there he all he wanted was a father and instead this one article said he had a string a subsequent string of stepfathers but then when I looked into it it seemed like his mother only got remarried one other time she probably dated then she probably dated and also I think the evil mother kind of recurring theme is a thing that people very easily can kind of fill in the blank she got married all the time she was an old bitchy slut it's like to me that's what I kept coming out was like well what if she was what if he was a six foot nine monster that she had to control and didn't know what to do.

[1274] It comes me out that they blame it on like the mom who stayed and raised him and the not the daddy the single mom later date.

[1275] Yeah.

[1276] But I mean, who knows?

[1277] Who knows the details?

[1278] I just feel like there's there's always this a little bit of that where it's like, okay, she was mean and domineering, but now she married a bunch of people.

[1279] Like, whatever.

[1280] And the end marrying a bunch of people is like, oh, you're a fucking shitty mom and a slut.

[1281] Well, maybe just got me fell in love.

[1282] Let's just put it out.

[1283] there maybe not um so but he in his like early teens he starts to display his anti -social personality traits so him and his system sister this made me laugh and i was watching this a really good um british series that you can find on youtube like any killer you want there will be this british series that comes up and they just give you tons of information and really good uh facts i have no idea with the titles.

[1284] I knew you were going to say that.

[1285] No idea.

[1286] I can, I'll tell you next week.

[1287] It'll be like a fun surprise.

[1288] Yeah.

[1289] It's like, surprise corner.

[1290] Crime and evidence.

[1291] Stuff.

[1292] British accent.

[1293] And it's also not on BBC.

[1294] It's not on anything I would recognize.

[1295] Yeah.

[1296] It's almost like an independent.

[1297] All the people in England right now are like giving me all kinds of two fingers up in the air.

[1298] Yeah.

[1299] For not knowing this.

[1300] Yeah.

[1301] Oi.

[1302] So, but if you look up Evan Kemper, it's the first, um, documentary series.

[1303] on him on YouTube.

[1304] It's called crimes and stuff and British.

[1305] Crimes and crumpets.

[1306] And British accents.

[1307] So him and his sister would play a game called Gas Chamber, where his sister would throw pellets into his room and then close the door.

[1308] And he would pretend he was dying of asphyxiation.

[1309] Oh, that sounds normal.

[1310] That's, it made me laugh so hard.

[1311] And then it was like a bunch of stuff of like, then he would make his sister's dolls have sex.

[1312] I was like, yeah, standard fair.

[1313] that.

[1314] Everybody did that.

[1315] I stole my brother's G .I. Joe's and they would totally bone Barbie.

[1316] Yes, that's what dolls are for.

[1317] Yeah.

[1318] It's all like, get them in that dream house.

[1319] Yeah.

[1320] And get to fuck it.

[1321] And then you just smash them together and they're boning.

[1322] And you have no idea what or why.

[1323] Smash.

[1324] You just know that it's exciting that they're in the same bed.

[1325] Yeah.

[1326] And they're on a little plastic bed together.

[1327] Sex is like that now.

[1328] Smash.

[1329] So, but here's where it all was very different than most of our childhood.

[1330] He told his sister in grammar school that he had a crush in a teacher and when he said he wanted to kiss his teacher his sister said why don't you and he said because i'd have to kill her first um so the sister's like i may i go get glass of juice and like slowly crab walks out of the room um okay and i'll be right back they're just let me in here getting on the ground and crab walking instead of just like backing out of the room no she had to go out sideways with all her eyes looking at him so breaking down his mother when he was a little bit older made him live in the basement because she was afraid that he would molest his sisters so yeah it was it was dark and bad oh that's weird it also was believed that that mother suffered from borderline personality disorder which explains the rages and the abuse oh honey so that's you know fair's fair we're going to say all this stuff about her but then also everyone sucks all around I mean here's the thing, untreated mental illness affects people terribly and in a ripple effect that isn't just the person who isn't taking their medicine or the person who can't afford their medicine.

[1331] I also see my therapy sessions every week of me going through shit.

[1332] Yes, mental health is very important.

[1333] So important.

[1334] And my mother was a psychiatric nurse.

[1335] And in the 80s, when Proposition 13 closed down all the mental hospitals, she'd be the worst thing that ever happened.

[1336] rant and rave every night about how terrible the future is going to be for people who needed help and wouldn't be able to get it also see the fucking insane amount of homeless people we have in this country right because we can't they don't have easy access to fucking mental health services and they need help and yeah and basically this date is gone too bad yeah all right nope let's I want to keep talking about that back to Ed my mother would you know what that would be like her dream if I want to talk about this all the time honestly um so when he was 15 his mother sent him to live with his father in LA who and his father had a new wife and stepson and so he lasted a month there and then his father sent him to live with his grandparents who are the father's parents on a 17 acre farm in north fork California which is nice it actually is it it's butts up right against the sierra's right near yosemite I was going to say how awful is to send your kid away to someone but that sounds nice sounds fucking like a nice vacation.

[1337] Pretty nice.

[1338] And also like, if you have a kid that's troubled, quote unquote, put him to work.

[1339] Send him to a farm.

[1340] Get him out there, right?

[1341] Teach him some fucking responsibility.

[1342] Well, turned out that the grandmother was also domineering.

[1343] And the grandfather had early stages of dementia.

[1344] Oh, my God.

[1345] So there was already some drama happening.

[1346] This guy had no chance.

[1347] I mean, yeah.

[1348] He had his own 22, so he shot rabbits and gophers.

[1349] And even though his grandmother told him not to birds.

[1350] Wait, rabbits and gophers are fine, but birds are off limits.

[1351] Well, because gophers, rabbits, yeah, they eat the, if it's a working farm, they eat the vegetables.

[1352] Bunches.

[1353] Birds do too, though, but they're beautiful.

[1354] Anyway, so that summer, he was sent back to Helena to stay with his mother.

[1355] But then he came back after two weeks.

[1356] So it was basically nobody wanted the giant scary guy around, and he was only 15.

[1357] Can you believe it?

[1358] I know.

[1359] It's like so unfair, though.

[1360] It's like...

[1361] I feel really bad for him.

[1362] It's lots of rejection and lots of criticism and like he already clearly had something going on mentally and then everyone was just like...

[1363] This is the point where maybe you can intervene, but it didn't happen.

[1364] Right.

[1365] Quite the opposite.

[1366] Right.

[1367] It said that Ed's grandmother feared him enough that she took her 45 with her anytime she left the house so that Ed wouldn't be near it.

[1368] Oh, no. The 22 is fine.

[1369] Yeah.

[1370] I'm taking that 45.

[1371] Yeah.

[1372] So basically one day he decides he's going to shoot his grandmother on the back of the head.

[1373] And when police ask him why, he said, I wanted to see what it felt like to kill grandma.

[1374] So he's flipped over into a next level.

[1375] He doesn't understand the finality of that at all by saying, if you say that, you don't understand.

[1376] Well, yeah, he's like, I'm testing out to see what it's going to feel like as opposed to being able to walk through that.

[1377] Like, I wanted her to die.

[1378] This will feel really bad.

[1379] Yeah.

[1380] And everyone's going to feel bad.

[1381] So he shot her in the back of the head.

[1382] He was pretending like he was leaving the house.

[1383] He picked up his 22, walked out.

[1384] She saw the weird look in his eye.

[1385] And then he stood outside.

[1386] This is according to him.

[1387] He stood outside watching her from the porch and then shot her through the screen door in the back of the head.

[1388] Oh, at the back of the head.

[1389] What's that?

[1390] Oh, my God.

[1391] So then he waited for his grandfather to get home from a store.

[1392] and then shot him because he didn't he didn't he knew his grandfather would be upset and angry so he didn't want to have to deal with that so he just killed the grandfather you do not have a fucking right right my own man no because then the next thing he did was call his mom and this isn't a murderess this is someone who doesn't have access to reality yeah I think this is like the beginnings of being a psychopath or like having some kind of a break like a dissociative episode.

[1393] Let's make sure that terminology around.

[1394] We're professional.

[1395] Psychologicist, right?

[1396] So he calls his mother and she says call the sheriff.

[1397] So he calls the sheriff, tells them what he did, sits on the front porch and waits for the cops to come.

[1398] And that's when they got that quote of, I wanted to see what it would be like to kill grandma.

[1399] He also, after he shot his grandma, stabbed her several times with a knife.

[1400] Yeah, so he wanted to kill her.

[1401] That's different.

[1402] Feel that.

[1403] Wow.

[1404] Just shot the grandpa, though.

[1405] So then the police were shocked and he was committed to a Tescadero State Hospital.

[1406] It's kind of a famous mental hospital of Northern California.

[1407] He was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, but he was tested with a near genius IQ.

[1408] Yeah.

[1409] And in the mental hospital, he learned how to mask his insanity.

[1410] So he basically got along, blended in.

[1411] He did really well with structure.

[1412] And when people were in charge of him, but not mean and judgmental of him, he worked, it worked very well for him.

[1413] Yeah.

[1414] So he learned, he became a runner for one of the doctors, like an assistant to one of the doctors.

[1415] And that actually enabled him, he, like the doctor trusted him that much, but that enabled him to read the doctor's files.

[1416] So he memorized the answers to psychological tests that he saw in the files.

[1417] And so he basically learned what to say to sound like a normal person.

[1418] That's smart.

[1419] He learned it out of reading it off of tests.

[1420] So he would read all the psychological tests, see what the correct answers were in basically that way.

[1421] Yeah.

[1422] So after four years, those doctors added Tescadero deemed Ed normal enough to reenter society.

[1423] Four years after killing both his grandparents.

[1424] No. And it was in like...

[1425] So he never even got tried.

[1426] What's that?

[1427] He never went to trial for these murders.

[1428] No, no, straight to the mental hospital.

[1429] That's crazy.

[1430] So, in 1969, the California Youth Authority released him back into the care of his mother, Clarnel.

[1431] Can you imagine being like, oh, well, my kid's back home?

[1432] Yeah.

[1433] I guess.

[1434] The murderer is home.

[1435] Even though the doctor said he can't go live with his mother, that's where they sent him.

[1436] So, now, he was in the hospital for four years.

[1437] So it was between 1965 and 960s.

[1438] 1969 when the cultural revolution took place and it took place in basically the the eye of the storm was san francisco bay area yeah and that's they lived right outside it um so sex drugs and rebellion were the order of the day clearly i was just typing what the narrator was saying on this because i would never say anything like that they were the older of the day they were the old drugs sex drugs um so ed wanted to ed's reaction to that was he wanted to become a cop.

[1439] He didn't like any of it.

[1440] He wasn't down with the hippies.

[1441] I could see that because he liked the order.

[1442] He liked order and he liked and he wanted to be in charge.

[1443] So maybe he was trying.

[1444] The problem was he's too big to be a cop.

[1445] There's actually regulation against that size of person.

[1446] Do you know what makes me feel safe?

[1447] A fucking 6 '9 cop.

[1448] Yes, true.

[1449] But then also 6 '9 cop could basically do whatever he wants at all times.

[1450] Maybe that's part of it.

[1451] Or he wouldn't fit into the car.

[1452] Any cup could do it every once all the time.

[1453] The pants would be too short.

[1454] he would be a laughingstock.

[1455] So instead he became a construction worker, and he hung out, he lived in Santa Cruz, and he hung out at a bar called the jury room where cops and lawyers went and often hung out.

[1456] I'm like, can we go there right now?

[1457] He basically, like, hung among them, and they all kind of knew him as big ed.

[1458] So after a while from being a construction worker, I think he also worked for Caltrans.

[1459] which is basically the guy on the side of the road.

[1460] He saved up, moved out of his mother's house in Santa Cruz, and moved to Alameda, which was 90 minutes away.

[1461] They have a good flea market there.

[1462] In Alameda.

[1463] Oh, I'm going to go.

[1464] So when he was living by himself, he felt angry, awkward, and lonely.

[1465] I don't know if those things had anything to do with each other, but that's how he felt in the world.

[1466] So he started picking up female hitchhikers, practicing how to get them into his car.

[1467] Practicing what to say to them to get them into his car.

[1468] Practicing what to talk to them about once they were in his car, he picked up over 150 hitchhikers as practice.

[1469] Holy shit.

[1470] And then he decided he was going to fix the passenger side door so it couldn't be opened from the inside.

[1471] I can't believe there were that many hitchhikers to pick up.

[1472] 1969.

[1473] Yeah.

[1474] Yeah.

[1475] That's all anyone was doing.

[1476] That's back when it was like celebrated.

[1477] So he practiced for long enough.

[1478] So in the spring of 1972, he finally decided he was going to go to the next level.

[1479] He picked up Marianne Peschi and Alnita Luchesa, who were students at Frozen Estate, and they were hitchhiking to Stanford to see friends after a weekend in Berkeley, but they never made it.

[1480] And this was a time, of course, when police never looked into missing persons cases, especially that of young women because of the amount of runaways and transients there were.

[1481] So they're, according to cops, girls ran away all the time and they would always show up later because they were with their boyfriend or they were with their friends.

[1482] So it was almost that like these fucking hippie kids, like I don't want to hear about it.

[1483] Yeah, we're not going to waste our time.

[1484] Yeah, that was the mentality.

[1485] So Ed drove these two girls to an isolated spot.

[1486] He made Anita get into the trunk and And then he put a bag over Marian's head to suffocate her.

[1487] She fought back.

[1488] She bit a hole into the bag.

[1489] And then he never thought that anybody would fight back.

[1490] He became enraged and he stabbed her repeatedly.

[1491] Then he got out and went into the trunk and slit and ate his throat.

[1492] Oh, no. But because the fighting, like that wasn't the kill that he fantasized about.

[1493] So he took their body at your need to brace yourself for this part.

[1494] I'm scared.

[1495] He took their bodies back to his.

[1496] apartment and raped their corpses.

[1497] And then he dismembered them and he put their body parts into plastic bags and left those bags all around the Bay Area.

[1498] Can you imagine that that's the first time you really, like you killed you killed someone by shooting them before.

[1499] But the first time you.

[1500] And stabbing.

[1501] And it was your grandparents.

[1502] Yes.

[1503] Yeah.

[1504] But like raping a corpse.

[1505] I mean.

[1506] Dismemberment.

[1507] That's not an easy thing to fucking do.

[1508] No, it's hideous.

[1509] But you know he was fantasize.

[1510] And they talked in this, this documentary about that, how much serial killers fantasize about what they're going to do.

[1511] Oh, my God.

[1512] So then he had fantasized about it all happening in the car, but since that got fucked up, this was like this weird Plan B improv that he was doing that then became his M .O. So two months later, hikers found Marianne's head in the mountains.

[1513] And that was the only evidence ever found of the time.

[1514] two women is the only thing they ever found.

[1515] So in September of that year, so this that was spring, so like five months later, he picks up 15 year old hitchhiker Aiko.

[1516] Honey, don't do it.

[1517] She was 15.

[1518] She was I think they said she was half Korean and half like Romanian or something.

[1519] She was a dancer.

[1520] She's on a way to dance class.

[1521] So she was really small.

[1522] Honey, don't fucking hitchhiked to dance class.

[1523] Ridiculous.

[1524] Right your goddamn bike and your tiny and you're 15th like all of these things are so much no no he picks her up he drives her to an isolated location but when he tells her he's this is a kidnapping she loses her shit and it becomes hysterical so to calm her down he says that he was going to kill himself and take her with him but now he's changed his mind and then he gets out to get something in the trunk and the door shuts and locks behind him.

[1525] Girl.

[1526] So now she's inside his locked car and he's locked out.

[1527] Yes.

[1528] But he convinces her to open the door.

[1529] No. But this is this is him practicing on those 150 girls.

[1530] This is a person who's figured out with his genius IQ how to get what he wants.

[1531] How to manipulate people.

[1532] Yep.

[1533] And how to tell them exactly what they specifically want to hear and need to hear.

[1534] God damn it.

[1535] Um, it's so, it, so, so, so, so anyway, he suffocates her until she's unconscious.

[1536] He puts tape over her mouth and then holds her nose closed.

[1537] So he is like up close into this, that, killing, you know, horribly.

[1538] Mm -hmm.

[1539] Um, then he raped her and strangled her with her own scarf.

[1540] And they put her dead body in the trunk and then went to a bar for a couple of beers.

[1541] Who did?

[1542] He did.

[1543] Oh.

[1544] Yeah.

[1545] Okay.

[1546] He said they, and I wasn't sure.

[1547] No, no. Sorry, then.

[1548] Then he takes the body back to his apartment and it's the same thing, dismembers and scattering her remains all over the Bay Area.

[1549] So, because a serial killer is a person who's killed three or more people on three or more occasions with the cooling off period in between crimes, this kill officially makes him a serial killer.

[1550] So the next day he had a state mandate.

[1551] dated meeting with his psychiatrist and her head was in his trunk holy fuck during that meeting and he made such an impression on the psychiatrist that they decided he didn't need to see a psychiatrist anymore day after he murdered this girl yeah he had to be good that what he did yeah so to make matters worse at the same time there was another serial killer named Herbert Mullin that was operating in the San Cruz area at the exact same time.

[1552] And this was the guy that was killing people because he thought it was keeping that big earthquake from happening.

[1553] Did you ever hear this guy?

[1554] No. I think he deserves his own episode.

[1555] Yeah.

[1556] He was, he killed hitchhikers.

[1557] He killed, he shot an old man in his yard.

[1558] He was just crazy.

[1559] He killed a mother and a child.

[1560] He, yeah, and he was completely, yeah, he was had no idea what was going on.

[1561] Please.

[1562] Yeah.

[1563] So, that guy got arrested in 1973 and the police thought, oh, great, this is all over now.

[1564] He should have just stopped killing then and he wouldn't have ever gotten caught.

[1565] I know but he couldn't do it.

[1566] Four months after his third murder he was now broke so he moved in back in with his mother.

[1567] Yeah, come on back home.

[1568] Yeah, that's going to work out good.

[1569] So this is January 8th of 1972 his mother, he and his mother argue all day.

[1570] He goes out, buys a gun and then he picks a hitchhiker Cindy Shaw.

[1571] And according to him, this is the way he tells the story, that he drives her to a remote location, shows her the gun, then gets out of the car to open the trunk, and he leaves the gun in the car with her.

[1572] And instead of grabbing it, she follows him back to the trunk and says, my, what a big trunk do you want me to get in it.

[1573] Which to me is, it's his version of the story.

[1574] Yeah, right.

[1575] Because he has talked and talked, like they have hours and hours of his confession.

[1576] My, what a big trunk.

[1577] My, what a big trunk you have, grandma.

[1578] So she gets into the trunk and he shoots her once in the head.

[1579] Or he does what he did before, which is...

[1580] Weird.

[1581] Strangles her.

[1582] She's in the trunk.

[1583] She's got a bullet in her head.

[1584] He brings the body back to his mother house.

[1585] Mother's house has sex with the court.

[1586] Dismembers her body in his mother's bathtub and buries her head in his mother's backyard, throws the rest of the house.

[1587] the body into the ocean.

[1588] But she's discovered 24 hours later.

[1589] So most of her body parts wash back up on shore.

[1590] So a month later, he has another fight with his mother, and then he goes out for a drive.

[1591] And this time he picks up two UC Santa Cruz students, Rosalind, Thorpe, and Alice Liu.

[1592] And all of the students, all the female students, because he was now called the co -ed killer.

[1593] And so all the students at UC Santa Cruz were, all the female students were warned, do not hitchhike, do not take rides from strangers.

[1594] But his car, it was his mother's car, so it had a UC Santa Cruz parking sticker on it.

[1595] Oh, shit.

[1596] His mother worked at UC Santa Cruz.

[1597] So they thought it was safe.

[1598] Yeah, but it's not like that a person who goes to your school couldn't be a killer too, you know?

[1599] Yeah.

[1600] But they're all thinking it's like, I mean, like a psycho killer.

[1601] Well, it is.

[1602] But yeah.

[1603] he shot them.

[1604] It's the exact same thing.

[1605] Shot them, rape their bodies, dismembered them, scattered their remains.

[1606] Then he decides he's going to buy a 44.

[1607] He needs a new gun.

[1608] So a routine police background check brings up his name and the police, when they look him up, it's just an index card that says double murder.

[1609] So they put, his records were sealed because he was a teenager.

[1610] Right.

[1611] So they put a hold on the gun purchase.

[1612] Oh, what a great idea to put a hold on gun.

[1613] I mean, purchases for people who have mental illnesses.

[1614] Oh, no, sorry.

[1615] I'm sorry.

[1616] They couldn't put a hold on it.

[1617] He'd already bought it.

[1618] Oh, never mind.

[1619] They go to confiscate it.

[1620] So they show up at his house.

[1621] But it's Big Ed.

[1622] They know Big Ed.

[1623] There's no problem.

[1624] It's Big Ed.

[1625] He goes to the jury room.

[1626] He hangs out with us.

[1627] Yeah, he's a good friend of ours.

[1628] So, um, and they assure him it's just, uh, it's just a, uh, thank you a formality.

[1629] Um, but Ed got paranoid because he was like, they're on to me. And so he ran.

[1630] So he, sorry, this is the, this is the big one.

[1631] So he's paranoid.

[1632] He'm sure the cops were on to him.

[1633] So on April 21st, 1973, he decides he's going to kill his mother.

[1634] So he's a solution to everything.

[1635] Right?

[1636] It's, that's going to be his big finale.

[1637] So his mother's sleeping and he goes into her bedroom with a claw hammer, beats her to death with a hammer.

[1638] Fuck.

[1639] decapitates her, has sex with her corpse.

[1640] Not chill at all.

[1641] Put her vocal cords in the garbage disposal.

[1642] Whoa.

[1643] I mean like, symbolic as fuck.

[1644] Yes.

[1645] And he talked about it.

[1646] And like I saw like probably 10 seconds of him talking about it.

[1647] It's just, it's not, it's not anybody worth listening to.

[1648] It's just like a person who thinks it's great when they're telling you these things.

[1649] It's not just like normal, but thinks it's great.

[1650] Thinks it's cool.

[1651] That's pretty ironic, isn't it?

[1652] You know, like it's this kind of.

[1653] of, there's like a swagger to it, that you just want to.

[1654] So, so then he decides that it's going to look like he did it.

[1655] So a way to make it not look like that is he calls up his mother's best friend, Sally Hallett, invites her over to a surprise dinner, quote, unquote, and when she gets there, he chokes her to death.

[1656] Oh, yeah.

[1657] And so when the cops find both their bodies, he's, in his mind, they're going to think it's a break -in, and it has nothing to do with that.

[1658] That's his thinking.

[1659] And then he goes on the run.

[1660] So he jumps in his car.

[1661] He drives east.

[1662] And he, they were still looking for the co -ed killer.

[1663] They had no way we're looking for him.

[1664] They had no idea.

[1665] He drives for three days.

[1666] He hears no news on the radio about himself or using his name or anything.

[1667] And by the time he gets to Pueblo, Colorado, he calls the Santa Cruz police and confesses.

[1668] Because he's so mad that they're not talking about him and, like, and that he was wrong.

[1669] and so the Santa Cruz police have to drive out to Pueblo, Colorado to pick him up and they said when he oh the Pueblo police said when they went out like the Santa Cruz police had the Pueblo cops go pick him up when they went and picked him up to arrest him he put his hands on top of the phone booth that's how big he was oh my God yeah I just can't get it I can't deal with it how horrifying it is he's just a humongous monster Vince is like six, four, and he's very fucking tall.

[1670] Yeah.

[1671] And he's five inches taller.

[1672] Yeah.

[1673] That's insane.

[1674] It's very tall.

[1675] So on the whole drive back, the Santa Cruz police have to listen to his confession.

[1676] Holy shit.

[1677] And he talked, they said, there's one cop.

[1678] It was like one of his first cases ever.

[1679] He said, he talked until I couldn't listen to it anymore.

[1680] It was so upsetting.

[1681] And he just wanted to talk about all of it.

[1682] He gave every detail of every single thing.

[1683] um so basically he tries to plead insanity the jury declares insane and guilty of all eight murders he's eight counts of murder he asks when he gets um goes to jail he asks for a lobotomy no way and the authorities say no it's too dangerous but he's basically trying to suggest like cut off the connections between this idea and like the action or like get this out of my head i rarely think a lobotomy would have helped him i mean it would have just rendered him like a vegetable basically.

[1684] He would have just been a bigger pain to deal with.

[1685] Like, he wouldn't have been able to do anything for himself.

[1686] Yeah.

[1687] He was once quoted in interview, What do you think now when you see a pretty girl walking down the street?

[1688] And he answered, one side of me says, wow, what an attractive chick.

[1689] I'd like to talk to her, date her.

[1690] The other side of me says, I wonder how her head would look on a stick.

[1691] Holy fuck.

[1692] Yeah.

[1693] And that's actually in Brad Easton Ellis's book, American Sighton.

[1694] Patrick Bateman paraphrases this quote when he's asked about women but he attributes it to Ed Gein but it's actually an Ed Kemper quote and also in Silence of the Lambs Thomas Harris wrote that Buffalo Bill started his career as a serial killer by impulsively killing his grandparents as a teenager which was based on Ed Kemper Neat Bummer It's so weird that it's like such close by stuff you know?

[1695] close to us Santa Cruz is like not far what it's so scary yeah gross it's funny that we both did serial killers this time I know hmm we're getting deep now well I mean yeah we have to say one thing that made us happy this past week but it's Monday so it's been that long I mean I'm gonna have to say Poldark when Poldark Ross Poldark takes up his shirt to swim in the ocean to clean off that mine does, it's like the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

[1696] That sounds cool.

[1697] I think mine was, we went, last night, we went to the New Beverly Theater, which is, like, really, it's owned now by Quinn Tarantino, but it's this really cool art house theater that's been around forever.

[1698] Quinn Tarantino bought it to, like, save it, which I love him for.

[1699] And they were playing the 1950s version of Dracula.

[1700] and we went with Joe DeRosa's parents who we were talking about from his podcast and like met them and they were the sweetest people ever and it was like just such a nice nice thing that someone wants you to meet their parents as an adult which like doesn't really happen anymore yes and it was a cool movie and they were fun to hang out with right yeah they were the best and they um and then new beverly has frozen junior mints like as a thing you can buy like because they know that that people like them i didn't know that and frozen junior mints are like a family favorite and they um Yeah, they have them frozen junior ones and frozen snicker bars there you can get.

[1701] Genius.

[1702] Because they're just like, yeah, and they have fucking White Castle burgers you can get there too.

[1703] Are you serious?

[1704] They're frozen and they heat them up.

[1705] Also, the new Beverly is the best popcorn of all movie theaters.

[1706] Best popcorn and it's so cheap there.

[1707] Like they have the movie theater candy prices from the 80s.

[1708] Is that true?

[1709] Yes, we bought so much shit and they were like, they were like $50 and this much and I handed them 50 and they were like, no, 15.

[1710] and I almost lost my mind.

[1711] So I ended up giving the guy a $5 tip because I was just like, take it all.

[1712] And normal theaters, you're like, yeah, this is going to cost me $85.

[1713] Fortune, yeah.

[1714] That's the best.

[1715] That's, yeah.

[1716] If you live in L .A., you should absolutely support the new Beverly.

[1717] And they have just the best.

[1718] They'll have double features of like the coolest movies.

[1719] Yeah, April and I went there to see, because she's obsessed with Elvis.

[1720] And we went to see Elvis's concert film that I'm not really remember the name of.

[1721] and it was so fun and everyone there was super into it it's like it's a it feels like an event when you go there you know what it's better then is going to a fucking the cemetery movie screening where you have to sit outdoors in the freezing cold on the freezing cold like grass and watch a movie on the i don't need to do that go to fucking go to the beverly then go down the street to el coyote get great fucking margaritas yeah life is good good times yeah that was mine um Thank you for listening if you go to Farrell Audio to listen to a bunch of other cool podcasts that they have and go rate, review, and subscribe and all this stuff.

[1722] And thanks for listening and stay sexy.

[1723] And don't get murdered.

[1724] And bye.

[1725] Bye.

[1726] Did he leave us?

[1727] Oh, shall we?

[1728] Maybe Elvis.

[1729] There he is.

[1730] Want a cookie?

[1731] Good boy.

[1732] Cookie?

[1733] Want a cookie?

[1734] But, yeah.