Armchair Anonymous: Unexpected Orgasm

[0] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and add free right now.

[1] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[2] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.

[4] Oh, do we have a juicy one today?

[5] Tell us about an unexpected orgasm.

[6] Because we're fun.

[7] This delivered.

[8] And not only did it deliver.

[9] A question we were asking ourselves midday was, could there be a boy with this story?

[10] That would just be a wet dream.

[11] That wouldn't even be a story.

[12] And boy, were we wrong.

[13] Yeah.

[14] Wow, wow, wow.

[15] Delivered, delivered.

[16] Please enjoy unexpected orgasm.

[17] All times come and go.

[18] Take them slow.

[19] I had them both.

[20] I'm going to keep on shining.

[21] Hello?

[22] Hello.

[23] Hi.

[24] Can you hear me?

[25] Absolutely.

[26] How are you?

[27] Good.

[28] How are you?

[29] Good.

[30] Are we using your real name, Amanda?

[31] Yes, that's great.

[32] Oh, wonderful.

[33] You can use my real name and Monica's real name.

[34] Yes, we'll allow it.

[35] Where are you at in the world?

[36] I'm in Buffalo, New York, in my very dingy dark closet.

[37] It's nice.

[38] And is spring in full force up there in Buffalo?

[39] It sure is, and I can't breathe out of my nose.

[40] Everything is disgusting.

[41] Okay.

[42] My favorite time of year.

[43] Oh, okay.

[44] Oh, and you're wearing a tank top.

[45] It's cold here.

[46] LA.

[47] Okay.

[48] What is it?

[49] Like 60?

[50] Yeah.

[51] About 60.

[52] Yeah.

[53] Actually, maybe even 65.

[54] 67.

[55] It's basically the perfect temperature.

[56] Aaron Winkley and I, through many, many, many hours of debate concluded that 67's the perfect temperature on planet Earth.

[57] You could get by without a coat.

[58] You're not going to be too hot ever.

[59] It's pretty nice.

[60] If you're moving around a little bit, Monica.

[61] I guess if you don't have tropical lineage.

[62] No, if you don't have anemia, which I don't, but still.

[63] Just making that point clear.

[64] It's 85 here, so it really isn't that fun.

[65] It's a little much.

[66] I was talking to Aaron, yeah, Michigan's getting blasted as well.

[67] Speaking of getting blasted.

[68] Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, isn't that a good segue?

[69] Oh, I'm so nervous about all the segways today.

[70] You were the lucky recipient.

[71] Well, we'll find out if it was lucky or not.

[72] Unexpected orgasm.

[73] Please walk us through this experience.

[74] Definitely unexpected.

[75] So this was about five years ago.

[76] I was 22, fresh out of college.

[77] I had found a new love for fitness.

[78] I had joined a gym.

[79] I was really loving my results, but I had no idea what I was doing.

[80] I was just kind of going in there and playing with stuff.

[81] So I contacted a friend who had a friend who had just started his personal trainer journey, and he was looking for people to take on.

[82] Wonderful.

[83] So she gave me his Instagram, and I looked at it, and I mean, I'll be completely honest.

[84] I hired him for more than the fact that he's a personal trainer.

[85] He was gorgeous.

[86] Yes, it does not hurt to be gorgeous if you're in the personal training space.

[87] I booked a consultation.

[88] So we got to the gym.

[89] It was going great.

[90] I mean, in my eyes, we were flirting the entire time.

[91] Okay.

[92] I felt like the tension was palpable.

[93] I was like, this is going great.

[94] Not only am I learning things, but this could lead to something.

[95] I got to the point where we were nearing the end and I was like, okay, I got to think of a slick way to ask this guy out after this.

[96] Like, this is going way too well.

[97] And at that moment, are you thinking, well, I'll have to fire him as a personal trainer to have him as a boyfriend or any of those thoughts?

[98] I'll take the loss at that.

[99] point.

[100] That's what I'm thinking.

[101] But for his point of view, he's starting this new business.

[102] But it's a risk reward for everyone involved.

[103] It is.

[104] Payoffs.

[105] Tradeoffs.

[106] I think I could have found another personal trainer, but this guy.

[107] You wanted more.

[108] Oh, yeah.

[109] Really quick question before we launch in.

[110] Did you have any insecurities?

[111] I get with the personal trainer, I'm on day one of my physical journey.

[112] I'd be a little nervous, like, oh, this person's so into physical fitness.

[113] They're judging me maybe.

[114] They're judging me. Did you have any insecurity?

[115] securities along those lines?

[116] Well, I knew that I was one of his first ever, like, actual clients.

[117] My friend said he was just getting into this.

[118] He is looking for people to take on.

[119] So, like, why don't you disagree to a consultation?

[120] So I wasn't super intimidated right off the bat.

[121] Okay.

[122] I was a little unsure, but I don't know.

[123] I was 22.

[124] I was using the, oh, what does this thing do to my advantage at that point?

[125] Yeah.

[126] I've lived and learned.

[127] So he's like, I just want to try one last thing.

[128] And then we can talk rates and if you want to continue this and all that.

[129] And I was like, Cool.

[130] We get over to what I believe is called the captain's chair.

[131] Oh.

[132] You stand with your back against it.

[133] You have your forearm sitting on these two little pads and you're holding on to little handles at the end.

[134] And you're going to lift your feet into the air?

[135] Yes.

[136] Do you know that thing, Monica?

[137] You're kind of suspended in the air.

[138] You're being held up by your elbows.

[139] And then your feet are swinging and then you pull them up like 90 degrees.

[140] Oh, okay.

[141] In front.

[142] Lower abs.

[143] Yeah.

[144] I hadn't done this before.

[145] I started to do it.

[146] And it's incredible.

[147] how quickly I started to feel like something weird was happening.

[148] I was having a familiar sensation.

[149] Oh, my God.

[150] And I was like, that's weird.

[151] And I pushed through it for a second.

[152] I was like, that's just a weird coincidence.

[153] But then I realized, like, oh, no, like, if I continue down this path, we're going to end up in a risky territory.

[154] Oh, my goodness.

[155] So I stopped.

[156] I just let my legs dangle.

[157] And in true personal trainer fashion, this man begins to encourage me. Oh, boy.

[158] And so, you've been doing so good.

[159] Like, you've got this.

[160] Like, you can get through this.

[161] Just keep going.

[162] little harder.

[163] So now he's essentially talking me through an orgasm he doesn't know I'm having.

[164] Yes.

[165] So that mixed with the fact that now I've continued because I didn't know what to say if I said, no, I really need to stop.

[166] Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[167] I don't want to be at the finish line yet.

[168] I'm also confused a little.

[169] Like how, well, exactly.

[170] That was going to be my fault.

[171] You got your elbows planted and you're holding under the handles and you're lifting your legs up at a 90 degree angles.

[172] Do you think something was bunching up in there that was causing the friction?

[173] No, I've done some research since.

[174] I have been told through the internet that there are some sort of, like, very deep ab muscle that is very close to, like, the G -spot and, like, everything down there, that, like, when constricted and released multiple times, will create the same sensation.

[175] Apparently, with the captain's chair, it's known.

[176] I didn't know that.

[177] Oh, my gosh.

[178] And for boys and girls or just girls?

[179] I'm not sure.

[180] I haven't looked into that, actually.

[181] I bet it's just girls.

[182] Yeah.

[183] Yeah.

[184] Okay, so he's like, come on, Amanda, you've got five more sets in you.

[185] I know it.

[186] You're a warrior.

[187] And then you start doing more reps. I keep going because I think it's only a couple more and it hits me like a brick wall.

[188] And I let go and fall to a complete crunch on the ground.

[189] Not before, of course, like groaning very loudly.

[190] It hits so hard and out nowhere that I bled out quite a noise.

[191] No buildup.

[192] I guess there was a buildup this whole time.

[193] Well, right.

[194] there's like tension between us and then now he's talking me through it and now all of a sudden it's just happening i have i was gonna say my only purvey question but there might be more did it cross your mind so in order he's like come on you got more reps and then you're like okay i'm gonna do more reps i'm likely to orgasm because i almost did before do i embrace this and just look him right in the eyes and let him know i'm letting it rip that's where i'm considering did you think like fuck it we're gonna just explode in front of them and might as well connect with them while it's happening.

[195] I don't know that eye contact crossed my mind.

[196] However, I did think I could maybe sneak by without it being noticed.

[197] Right.

[198] You thought you were going to be able to hide out.

[199] Because you could be panting because of the exercise.

[200] Exactly.

[201] Can you imagine if she had said, I can't continue.

[202] I'll come.

[203] What would you have said?

[204] He's also the new trainer, so he doesn't even understand the captain's chair might cause this.

[205] He doesn't know that, but he's beginning to get so excited about his career choice.

[206] Maybe.

[207] He's like, maybe on the fence driving to the gym that morning.

[208] Is this really what I want to do?

[209] about this point, he's like, this is the career of my dream.

[210] This is, oh, yeah.

[211] Okay, so you crumple down.

[212] I crumpled down.

[213] I definitely make some sort of guttural noise.

[214] Out of ten, how loud is the guttural noise?

[215] Like, I know that passersby have stopped and looked.

[216] I mean, I did just fall to the ground, so that could be why, but people have definitely noticed.

[217] A lot going on, yeah.

[218] My God, what a scene.

[219] I take a minute, and I very quickly realize, like, oh, this is not passable.

[220] You have done it, and you have not passed.

[221] So I look up, and immediately I'm like, I got the craziest cramped.

[222] Does that happen for people?

[223] Oh, my God, you're covering.

[224] He is white.

[225] Like, he is staring at me. Like, I don't know what just to happen, but I think I know what just happened.

[226] And there was no banter after this interaction.

[227] He was very quick to say, well, that's kind of what it's like.

[228] You can message me on Instagram if you want to talk about rates and I'll see you around.

[229] Oh, no. Oh, my God.

[230] I don't, he's, that's a problem.

[231] Wait a minute.

[232] As a trainer and a lover, that was a bad, bad move on his part.

[233] You know, why don't you hit me up sometime?

[234] You fell to the ground.

[235] He should have said, are you okay?

[236] Or he was afraid to touch you at that point.

[237] No, he stood back and looked at me like he had no idea what just happened to me, but he didn't want to be a part of it.

[238] Oh, my God.

[239] I'm not going to ask you to do it because I think it, I assume it would be too embarrassing for you.

[240] But can I give three different levels and you can tell.

[241] I need to know how loud this was.

[242] Sure.

[243] I'm nervous.

[244] Okay.

[245] It'll be one, two, three.

[246] That's how we're going to identify these.

[247] Okay.

[248] Okay.

[249] Okay.

[250] Oh, that's one.

[251] Here's number two.

[252] Oh, oh.

[253] Oh.

[254] Okay, that's number two.

[255] That one's worse as far as English.

[256] And now here's number three.

[257] And seven.

[258] Oh, oh.

[259] Oh.

[260] Oh, wow.

[261] Can you imagine three?

[262] I am ashamed to say that it was pretty close to two, though.

[263] Oh, wonderful.

[264] Thank you for doing that with us.

[265] Yeah, because that was actually good.

[266] I was really scared.

[267] One could easily have been passed off as a cramp that you can.

[268] Yeah, or just working out sounds.

[269] Two, yeah, a little more.

[270] Fingers in the cookie jar.

[271] A little more obvious.

[272] Three was outrageous.

[273] Yeah, three was, are you being filmed?

[274] I see that you've just orgasm, but are you being filmed?

[275] Why was it so theatrical?

[276] You couldn't orgasm that way without other stuff going on.

[277] Okay, sure.

[278] Oh, yeah.

[279] Well, we don't know.

[280] The captain's chair delivers a whole.

[281] Oh, my God, the captain's chair.

[282] That's true.

[283] Well, it does get worse from there.

[284] Okay.

[285] So he wraps up very quickly and leaves.

[286] It sounds awful because I've just said I'm flirting with this man and want to ask him on a date, but I did have a date that night, not with a boyfriend, but with somebody I had gone on a couple dates with.

[287] But my early 20s were a whole thing.

[288] I went on a date with this man. I had seen him maybe twice before.

[289] We were sitting at a bar.

[290] This is the same day as the training session?

[291] Same day, yes, later that night.

[292] We were bantering about something, and he was.

[293] wanted to prove me wrong about something, so he wanted to look something up on my phone.

[294] So he took my phone and opened up the web browser to look something up and stopped and stared at my phone very curiously for a moment.

[295] And then loudly read the last thing I had searched, which was, Can exercising Make You Come?

[296] Oh my God.

[297] Because I was so shocked that it happened that I needed looked it up.

[298] And then he was thought I was into some weird kinky gym stuff, and I don't know what he thought I was doing, but that relationship also did not laugh.

[299] Wait, Amanda, what's happening in Buffalo?

[300] Because if I'm the trainer, we're talking about what just happened, this is so exciting if I'm the trainer.

[301] And then if I'm on this date and I read that, I think, whoa, yes.

[302] Yeah, this woman's awesome.

[303] I agree with Dax.

[304] These men are weird.

[305] Yeah, honestly, I like that conclusion better.

[306] That works for me. Did you then have to tell him the whole story?

[307] Yeah, so then I, of course, was like, I had this personal trainer this morning.

[308] I did an exercise I'd never done before.

[309] and it just happened.

[310] And, I mean, it became very clear that this is not a relationship.

[311] I would have wanted to continue anyway because he was very like, well, that can't happen.

[312] I think his first response was actually, well, your ab muscles must be pretty weak if that's what happened with that.

[313] Oh, my God.

[314] He is nagging you.

[315] I hate that guy.

[316] He felt intimidated that you were too much woman for him and he would not be able to satisfy you.

[317] That's true.

[318] And so he went on the attack.

[319] Yeah.

[320] We're very insecure men when it comes to that.

[321] It doesn't take much to trigger us, I think.

[322] Wow.

[323] It was a whole journey.

[324] What a dad.

[325] Hey.

[326] Also, hey, dude, why don't you fucking look the thing up on your phone?

[327] Why do you need my phone?

[328] I think my phone was just out.

[329] No, I don't care.

[330] I don't like people using other people's phone.

[331] Like, you're...

[332] And then judging what's on there?

[333] We hate him, Amanda.

[334] Oh, yeah.

[335] He didn't last, so it's okay.

[336] Okay.

[337] Okay, good.

[338] My last follow -up question is, have you had any exercise -related orgasm since?

[339] So, because it was very intense, I have avoided it because I don't want to do that at the gym.

[340] That being said, If I were to figure out a similar contraption at home, I can't say I wouldn't do it at home.

[341] Yes, while watching a romantic scene on television, maybe.

[342] It's like a two -for -one.

[343] You get exercise and an orgasm?

[344] I've been dying for that to exist.

[345] Well, maybe hit up some ab exercises.

[346] You never know.

[347] I've ridden that captain's chair a few times, and I unfortunately didn't.

[348] I just felt the agony of that exercise, which is not the easiest one.

[349] Some people are luckier than others.

[350] God, some people are blessed.

[351] You're blessed.

[352] Hashtang blessed.

[353] Well, Amanda, so nice talking to you.

[354] What an eventful story.

[355] I'm so disappointed in both the man in your life on that day.

[356] Me too.

[357] A lot of lost opportunities there.

[358] I'm telling you.

[359] I appreciate it.

[360] Yes, yes.

[361] Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

[362] Thank you.

[363] So nice meeting you both.

[364] This is awesome.

[365] All right.

[366] You too.

[367] Take care.

[368] Bye.

[369] They're all women, a one man. Yeah, I mean, that's just being alive.

[370] She's a wet dream story.

[371] Yeah, exactly.

[372] All right.

[373] Here's Hannah.

[374] Hannah with an H. Human palindrome.

[375] Oh, my God.

[376] Congratulations, Hannah.

[377] You're a human palindrome.

[378] Palindrome.

[379] Palomdrome.

[380] Hello.

[381] Hi.

[382] Is this Hannah?

[383] This is Hannah.

[384] It's nice to meet you guys.

[385] We were just discussing how exciting it is that you're a human palindrome.

[386] Palindrome.

[387] My mom literally said that's why she named me Hannah.

[388] She loves palindromes.

[389] It's very cool.

[390] Oh, what an interesting gal.

[391] Where are you at in the world?

[392] I'm going to be a little vague just for anonymity reasons.

[393] but just Midwest.

[394] Okay, Midwest, I'll take it.

[395] Do you want me to change your name?

[396] It would be so sad after we had all this great name talk.

[397] Yeah, that was a nice piece.

[398] You can't manufacture shit like that.

[399] You can't make a new palindrome.

[400] Okay, so you're somewhere in the Midwest, which I think is as good a place as any to have an unexpected orgasm.

[401] Set the stage for us and what happened on this fortuitous day?

[402] This was like 2013.

[403] Oh, wow.

[404] I was 16 at the time.

[405] Okay.

[406] I mean, now I'm 26, obviously, but yes, at the time, 16th.

[407] Okay.

[408] I was really obsessed with this band, Pierce the Vale.

[409] I know the singer.

[410] Rob knows the singer.

[411] Rob knows everything about music and all the people.

[412] And I bet in her region as well.

[413] No, there's San Diego guys.

[414] Oh, there's San Diego.

[415] Cool, okay.

[416] They're kind of like screamo.

[417] People don't like the word scream.

[418] I might get in trouble for that, but.

[419] Screamo.

[420] Like, punkish.

[421] Okay, punk is.

[422] Emotional punk rock music.

[423] Yeah.

[424] Why didn't that take off?

[425] Calling it emotional punk rock music.

[426] That's a cool genre.

[427] I like that.

[428] Okay, you love this band.

[429] My best friend and I both love this band, and we decided to go to one of their shows.

[430] What kind of crowds does this band generate?

[431] Like, a thousand, or are they in a stadium, they're in a small club?

[432] I went to a couple other shows.

[433] They had, like, a stadium show, like a year later or something.

[434] Wow, all right.

[435] But, yeah, this was at a music festival.

[436] So there were a lot of people in this crowd.

[437] But they're all, like, people my age, like, probably other teenage girls.

[438] The lead singer was super cute or what?

[439] He's a cutie.

[440] He was.

[441] Who was like the hottest member of the band?

[442] Was it the lead singer or the drummer?

[443] So I'm a lesbian.

[444] So for me, this isn't doing anything.

[445] Okay.

[446] But I was like obsessed with their guitarist.

[447] I thought he was so cool.

[448] Yeah.

[449] I just loved everything about his vibe.

[450] But also, don't you think even as a lesbian you can assess who the sexiest?

[451] I certainly have opinions about what guys are the sexiest and I'm heterosexual.

[452] Oh, yeah, I think so.

[453] I think the dude I liked the guitar.

[454] guitarist.

[455] Yeah, okay.

[456] So you go to the music festival, chalked full of fellow 16 -year -olds.

[457] Right.

[458] Everyone's like frothing at the mouth, just waiting.

[459] We were like those fan girls who would get there early.

[460] Like we got in that crowd hours early so we could be right at the front.

[461] So me and my homie were right at the front.

[462] And as it's like getting closer to the time that the show actually starts, the crowd's getting bigger.

[463] So we're getting kind of pushed into that barricade.

[464] Yes.

[465] It's kind of scary feeling.

[466] Yeah, not super fun.

[467] But you know, like those metal barricades how they're set up where it's like every maybe six feet there's the little like posts that go down and then at the bottom there's a really big flat square metal base yeah okay where i'm standing at the barricade it's right in front of that part where there's the metal base so i'm kind of standing with my feet on that oh okay and that is important for the story the concert is starting so the band's coming out i'm like losing my damn mind i'm so excited yeah it's like the adrenaline's rushing probably the most you've ever felt in your life at that point yeah oh yeah i'm like oh i'm alive apex life experience right then so at this point i was 16 i have had orgasms before manual you know no like fancy toys involved no vibraries on that shit basic classic classic DIY Use what you got.

[468] Real do -it -yourself.

[469] The concert's starting.

[470] I am just living.

[471] Something about the way that this barricade was set up was different to any concert I've been to, where the barricade was vibrating.

[472] Oh.

[473] Oh, my God.

[474] Because of the sound, probably, being so loud and close.

[475] It's a good theory.

[476] Yeah.

[477] And, like, it's a band that's a little more kind of punk metal core.

[478] So, like, it's a lot of bass guitar, drums, a lot of sound.

[479] So the first song that's playing, it's my favorite song.

[480] too, so I'm just getting so excited.

[481] Since I'm standing on the barricade, my entire body is vibrated.

[482] Oh my God.

[483] What a time to be alive.

[484] I'm so jealous of this.

[485] Yeah.

[486] I've seen my favorite band and being vibrated.

[487] Oh my favorite professor.

[488] Oh, giving the best lecture of his career.

[489] Yeah, a minute into this first song that's going.

[490] The excitement's ramping up, ramping up.

[491] About three seconds before this happens, I realize that the excitement is that kind of excitement.

[492] Sexual.

[493] Yeah, I have about two seconds and I go, oh, I'm about to or get them.

[494] Yeah.

[495] Yeah, because I mean, when you're in that moment, you don't really realize what kind of excitement's happening.

[496] I had not experienced that vibration.

[497] Right.

[498] So I just realized there's nothing I can do about this.

[499] And I had literally two seconds.

[500] I let it happen.

[501] Like a minute into the first song.

[502] Whoa.

[503] And were you like audible?

[504] No. Although I could have been.

[505] Yeah.

[506] I could have been.

[507] It would have been fine.

[508] Scream O. Instead of like emo, scream, scream O. Right.

[509] You're at a scream O show.

[510] I hadn't even put that together.

[511] Oh, wow.

[512] Oh, my God.

[513] Okay, so follow -up question.

[514] Obvi, three songs later, if I'm you, I'm like, let's do that again.

[515] Yeah, I'm standing.

[516] Exactly.

[517] Did you go hunting now for some follow -ups?

[518] No, I think I had the opposite reaction.

[519] where the second that was done, I push off the barricade.

[520] I go, get me the fuck.

[521] Oh, okay, okay.

[522] And my friend's looking at me, like, we waited in line to get in the front.

[523] Why are you, like, going behind me now?

[524] Oh, wow, you should have stuck her there.

[525] It's intense.

[526] That's why I said three songs later.

[527] I didn't expect you to want to get back on that horse song two, but song four?

[528] Yeah.

[529] You think I'm going in for more.

[530] Seconds.

[531] Oh, man. I can't imagine seeing, like, my favorite band at that age where it's like, I'm an adult who goes, gets to do what I want that feeling.

[532] That's really intoxicating.

[533] And then climaxing in public, I doubt even when I smoke crack I've ever hit the level of elation you must have been at.

[534] Yeah, that is fun.

[535] I'm so jealous.

[536] It was a moment.

[537] That's for sure.

[538] The female body is so amazing.

[539] We can orgasm through our feet, basically.

[540] That's what happened.

[541] Yeah, after that, I had to tell my friend what had just happened, and she could not stop laughing.

[542] She thought it was the funniest thing she's ever heard.

[543] I'm very impressed you told her.

[544] Yeah, I agree.

[545] Right?

[546] I wouldn't have probably.

[547] You wouldn't have, right?

[548] I don't think so.

[549] At 16, though.

[550] To Callie?

[551] I don't know what I would have done.

[552] Oh, my God.

[553] I would have been all out of sorts.

[554] You would have been back up for song three or four, that is my heart.

[555] You wouldn't have been talking to anybody.

[556] You wouldn't ride next.

[557] Whoever was up on that stage next, I don't care who it was.

[558] I'm going to, I want to stick around for these people, too.

[559] Oh, I love bluegrass.

[560] Oh, there's bluegrass next?

[561] I mean, sure, I love screamo, but I also love bluegrass.

[562] Well, Hannah, thank you so much for telling us that story.

[563] That was incredible.

[564] And we're both very envious and jealous.

[565] Yes.

[566] And congratulations.

[567] You got real lucky.

[568] Yeah, thank you guys so much.

[569] You were my quarantine buddies in the first.

[570] of the quarantine when I was living by myself, so it's really cool to meet y 'all.

[571] Thank you so much.

[572] Yeah, it was really nice to meet you.

[573] Take care.

[574] All right, take care.

[575] Bye.

[576] Okay, I thought of something.

[577] Oh, okay.

[578] Because of emotional punk rock, the genre you want to start?

[579] Yes, yes.

[580] I can call it Emo Puro.

[581] Emo Puro.

[582] Yeah.

[583] I like it.

[584] I do.

[585] Does it sound like Japanese somehow?

[586] Well, that's fine.

[587] I just wonder if people will be like, are they somehow appropriate?

[588] What's it called again?

[589] But we're not.

[590] Emo Puro.

[591] Emo Puro.

[592] Oh, my God.

[593] What island are you from?

[594] No, no, that's just the music I'm really into.

[595] Emo Puro.

[596] Oh.

[597] Is it Japanese music?

[598] No, it stands for emotional punk rock.

[599] Oh, wow.

[600] Oh, cool.

[601] There might be some Japanese bands that are Emo Puro, but it's not a Japanese.

[602] They're presumably emotional and punk rock.

[603] Screamo specifically has yelling.

[604] Sure.

[605] Yeah, this is not Screamo.

[606] This is emotional punk rock.

[607] With or without screaming.

[608] Yeah, sometimes they're screaming, sometimes there's not.

[609] Depends on the emotion.

[610] I thought of another palindrome, Anna.

[611] Oh, it's inside of Hannah.

[612] Hello.

[613] So you didn't really think of it.

[614] Or Anna.

[615] Hi, Olivia.

[616] How are you?

[617] I'm doing great.

[618] How are you?

[619] Great.

[620] It's nice to meet you.

[621] Where in the country are you?

[622] I'm in upstate New York.

[623] Oh, no kidding.

[624] You know, we just got off with someone in upstate.

[625] Oh, yeah, we did.

[626] So there must be something about people from upstate New York.

[627] New York having these unexpected orgasms, obviously.

[628] It has made me want to relocate to upstate New York, I'll tell you that much.

[629] What year did this happen?

[630] And did it happen in upstate New York?

[631] No, this would have happened where I was living at the time, but I was in the eighth grade, actually.

[632] Okay.

[633] They're getting younger.

[634] Hold on.

[635] I just want to say, literally it went 22 than 16 that we're at 12.

[636] It's better for Dax because you have to rein him in.

[637] I don't know if I can talk to someone if it gets.

[638] Younger than this.

[639] Since I was already active in eighth grade, I'm going to continue.

[640] Okay.

[641] In eighth grade science class, we had this assignment where we had to send a potato chip through the mail to the school.

[642] I don't really remember what we were learning about at the time, maybe something with physics.

[643] What a fun science class.

[644] Yeah, it was very random.

[645] But basically the objective was for the chip to arrive completely intact.

[646] Like, it needed to be packaged in a way so that it weighed the least amount possible.

[647] So we sort of had to think creatively about how we were going to package it.

[648] Oh, my God.

[649] Cool.

[650] And so our teacher is explaining the requirements, and she tells us that if our chip breaks, then we are going to lose a bunch of points on the assignment.

[651] But on the other hand, whoever figures out a way to send their chip with the lightest packaging, we'll get, like, extra bonus points.

[652] Oh.

[653] I was known at the time for being, like, a pretty good student.

[654] like I liked getting good grades.

[655] I wanted to do well.

[656] So anytime there was extra credit opportunity, I was like, yeah, I'm doing it.

[657] Yeah.

[658] So I'm intrigued by the challenge and I start thinking about how I'm going to do this.

[659] And we had to do the assignment over winter break.

[660] I'm talking to my mom about it, explaining how it works.

[661] And she goes, well, why don't you just find like a small potato chip that's kind of flat?

[662] Like if you use something too large that has all the curves in the ridges, it's probably more easily breakable.

[663] And then just like wrap it in a ton of bubble wrap and put it in a letter envelope.

[664] And initially I'm like, I don't know if that's going to cut it.

[665] And she's like, no, no, I think it'll be fine.

[666] And even though I'm a little bit skeptical, I kind of go against my better judgment.

[667] And I go with this idea because my mom seems pretty convinced that it's going to work.

[668] And I'm very focused on getting those extra bonus points.

[669] So I want something that's going to be very light.

[670] Looking back, if I had a little more common sense, it's like obviously that's probably not going to work given how things are handled in the mail.

[671] But I convince myself it's going to be fine.

[672] I get everything together and I send my package out to the school.

[673] We've all been there.

[674] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers and strange rashes.

[675] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing.

[676] But for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying.

[677] medical mystery.

[678] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[679] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[680] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[681] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[682] Follow Mr. Ballin's medical mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[683] Prime members, can listen early and ad -free on Amazon music.

[684] What's up, guys?

[685] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[686] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[687] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[688] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[689] And I don't mean just friends.

[690] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[691] The list goes on.

[692] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[693] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[694] So we come back from winter break, we head to science class.

[695] Our teacher has all the packages up at the front of the classroom, and she's going to go through them one by one.

[696] So for each package, she's recording the weight, and she opens it to see if the chip made it to the school in one piece.

[697] Do you want to hear what I would do?

[698] Absolutely.

[699] I would have gotten a little piece of styrofoam, cut it in half, and then I would have howled it out.

[700] I would have made a box.

[701] I would have made a styrofoam box, put the chip in the styrofoam box.

[702] and put that in an envelope.

[703] That's a pretty good idea.

[704] But would it fit in an envelope if it was a box shape?

[705] Because you only need to make it like that big.

[706] Do you think the styrofoam is like thick enough?

[707] Yeah, as long as you just carved out the middle and all the edges, there's no real give in that styrofoam.

[708] So I think that could have been really light.

[709] And you would have built basically a little cabin for the chip to ride in.

[710] Will you do it and send it to my apartment?

[711] Okay.

[712] Yeah.

[713] I've got to go to Michaels.

[714] Is that where I'd get my supplies?

[715] I need one of those razor knives.

[716] Yeah, please let me know if the chip arrives.

[717] in one piece.

[718] Sorry, I just wanted to get that out there.

[719] In case you tell us that the big breakthrough was that design, I wanted to get credit for it if it comes our way.

[720] I only wish I had thought of that idea.

[721] Maybe I could have avoided this situation.

[722] Oh, God.

[723] Okay.

[724] So she starts going through the various packages, and we see all the cool ideas the kids came up with.

[725] I remember one person put their chip inside of one of those, like, plastic Easter eggs.

[726] Oh.

[727] Yeah, other people are using all these random objects to protect their chip.

[728] So there's some very creative stuff happening.

[729] Yeah.

[730] As we're working our way through the packages, the whole class starts to get like really into it and everyone's getting like real competitive about it.

[731] Like who's going to have the lightest package?

[732] So far nobody's chip has been revealed to be broken and my teacher's pretty impressed by everyone's work.

[733] I'm shocked.

[734] Yeah.

[735] And at this point, the class is getting pretty rowdy.

[736] Like everybody's saying who they think's going to win and people are choosing sides and cheering for their person.

[737] And then my teacher finally holds up my little envelope that I sent.

[738] And this stops everyone.

[739] in their tracks.

[740] Everyone is like, oh, no way.

[741] That is so small.

[742] That's going to weigh like practically nothing.

[743] She's going to win for sure.

[744] So the pressure's on and everyone is on the edge of their seat.

[745] And I'm like, yes, let's open this thing.

[746] Then my teacher opens the envelope and does the bubble wrap.

[747] And huge shocker, my potato chip is not just broken.

[748] It's obliterated and crushed into a million little crumbs.

[749] Yeah.

[750] Probably happen when you put it in the envelope.

[751] Exactly.

[752] Oh, sad.

[753] Wouldn't be surprised.

[754] So it's just such an anti -climactic reveal and the whole class just kind of goes into this awkward silence because everybody knows I'm getting a bad grade and it's like, oh, damn, that's kind of disappointing.

[755] So my teacher just goes, oh, that's too bad and just kind of quickly tries to move on to the next one.

[756] But I can kind of tell by the look on her face that she's like, really, I think she kind of like expected that I was going to do something a little bit more than just using bubble wrap and putting in a little envelope.

[757] Meanwhile, everyone in the class is staring at me, and I can feel my cheeks starting to get really hot.

[758] And I'm sure my face is probably like red as a tomato.

[759] I'm just really unbelievably embarrassed that I'm the only one who had a broken potato chip and that I've, like, disappointed my teacher.

[760] And I wish I could sink into the floor and disappear.

[761] And at this point, my head feels like it's on fire, like my heart's beating super fast, clearly exhibiting some classic signs of, like, stress and embarrassment here.

[762] Like, looking back, it's not that embarrassing, but in the moment, I was just very mortified.

[763] So all of the sudden, I start to experience this strange feeling in between my legs.

[764] While you're dealing with all of this embarrassment.

[765] Yes.

[766] Wow.

[767] Maybe because of?

[768] So I'm getting this feeling between my legs.

[769] It's, like, all tingly, I can really feel like the blood is pumping, and it all happened, like, so fast.

[770] but in my surprise and confusion as to why I was feeling this way, I sort of shifted in my seat and contracted my muscles.

[771] Like I basically did a kegel, which was a big mistake.

[772] And this leads to a very intense orgasm just right there at my desk in the middle of class.

[773] While you're really embarrassed.

[774] Yes, while I'm really embarrassed.

[775] I wonder if you were making weird movements in the chair because you were uncomfortable without knowing.

[776] I feel like this is almost entirely not physically motivated in any way.

[777] Yeah, like completely.

[778] It's completely mental somehow.

[779] I do believe it was like completely psychological of just like the intense stress that I was feeling.

[780] Oh, yes.

[781] That was my body's way of like relieving it.

[782] I kind of think that's also possible.

[783] Your brain is smart enough to know how to get you out of this feeling that's too much for you.

[784] Wow.

[785] I can only say I've told this on here several times that back.

[786] When back when I was single and I was misusing sex, I would feel immediately horny upon hearing something terrible or being made to feel powerless.

[787] And I was like, oh, that's weird.

[788] Once I finally realized that was a reaction.

[789] I don't know.

[790] I just think that my brain was doing that for me. Sometimes our brains and our body is just going to do some wacky things or have some reactions to things that we would not expect.

[791] And this was definitely one of those situations for sure.

[792] Oh, my gosh.

[793] No, has this led to any future sexual proclivities, like people who get paid to get shamed while they?

[794] Oh.

[795] You know?

[796] That's a real subset.

[797] I do think maybe this was like a little bit of a foreshadow into maybe what I might be into later as an adult.

[798] I'll say that.

[799] You know, all consensual and everything, but some like teasing and humiliation stuff happening.

[800] Wow.

[801] That's fascinating.

[802] Yeah.

[803] Here's my question.

[804] Do you think you're just?

[805] genetically predisposed?

[806] Or do you think there was something prior to eighth grade?

[807] Oh, that's a good question.

[808] I think no shade to my family or my parents or anything, but I didn't grow up in like a very sex positive household.

[809] I think a lot of families have a lot of shame around anything to do with sex.

[810] Yeah.

[811] So maybe that played a role into it.

[812] I'm not sure.

[813] But yeah, other than that, I can't really think of any like specific thing that would have led to this.

[814] Did you know what was happening when it was obvious?

[815] Had you already had organ.

[816] I guess, right?

[817] Is that weird?

[818] You knew what it was?

[819] It wasn't my first time having an orgasm.

[820] Like I had discovered touching myself like years earlier.

[821] So I knew that that would happen in those situations.

[822] But this was like the first time it happened like spontaneously.

[823] Yeah, completely unprovoked or like just with my mind basically.

[824] Wow.

[825] Oh.

[826] Yep.

[827] Wow.

[828] I love it.

[829] Yeah.

[830] Yeah.

[831] It's really intense.

[832] It's a deep one.

[833] Yeah.

[834] And I'm not really sure if anybody was aware of what was happening like as I was experiencing.

[835] this, but I was just doing everything in my power to, like, keep my composure.

[836] Like, luckily, I didn't make any noise or anything.

[837] I was, like, holding on to my desk and probably swarming around in my chair a little bit.

[838] They probably thought you were having some sort of nervous breakdown because of the chip.

[839] That would be my guess.

[840] Probably.

[841] They probably were like, wow, she's real upset about that potato chip.

[842] Yeah.

[843] But if anybody did know, like, thank you for not making me feel even more embarrassed than I already was.

[844] Well, you hear enough of these stories and you realize that you've probably been around people who were fucking orgasming and you just didn't know because we're learning now it does happen out around town i would definitely expect that the least i would never go to that person's having an orgasm correct correct correct so yeah i guess we never know but you never know you don't know what people are going through sometimes that's really positive too you always assume it's something bad but that was great thank you for sharing that was incredible thank you so much olivia thank you so much have a good one bye hello hello This is really surreal.

[845] My brother and I were huge without a paddle fans.

[846] Oh, how fun.

[847] Wow.

[848] What were you like eight or nine when it came out, 10?

[849] We were in the eighth grade.

[850] Oh, bingo, 12 to 13 to 14.

[851] Yes.

[852] What a time.

[853] What a time.

[854] What a time.

[855] Okay, well, thank you for that.

[856] And what year does your, well, let me first be honest with you, Jason.

[857] Yeah.

[858] I was even shocked we had a guy on here.

[859] Yeah.

[860] Every guy has had a nocturnal omission.

[861] They've had wet dreams.

[862] Every man's had unexpected orgasm.

[863] So at first I was like, we shouldn't even have them because they all have the same story, right?

[864] They sprayed in their sleep.

[865] Well, and then we wondered what you're going to tell us.

[866] How could a guy have an unexpected orgasm because you'd have to get hard first so you at least have that prep?

[867] A little bit of a warning.

[868] But you're going to tell us.

[869] Assensibly, yes.

[870] You would know if you were hard that you were going to come.

[871] In theory.

[872] Yeah, I did not know.

[873] Okay, so the year was, it was 2001.

[874] It was the end of my sixth grade year.

[875] So I'm 12.

[876] Oh, Jesus.

[877] They are getting younger.

[878] Sorry, the previous one was 13.

[879] We just are going downhill, yeah.

[880] Oh, I can't wait to hear them.

[881] Our school threw us, what was called a sixth grade carnival.

[882] They saw us as like too young, I guess, to have like dances or any big party like that.

[883] So what they did was in the gymnasium, they created this carnival for all the sixth graders.

[884] going in to be seventh graders.

[885] You walk in and there's like all these different places you can go.

[886] There's like a booth where you can dunk the teacher in the water.

[887] Wonderful.

[888] I remember like a mosh pit kind of a thing where they were doing the sixth grade grind, right?

[889] They were dancing kind of dirty.

[890] Oh, booty bump.

[891] Booty bump is how we hear.

[892] So intimidating to me at the time.

[893] So I totally avoided that.

[894] But the one thing that I also remember was I'll call him Coach Goldberg.

[895] And he was my PE coach and I had such a huge crush on this.

[896] guy.

[897] And he was running the rope climb.

[898] You could go to this rope climb and essentially climb the rope.

[899] You ring the cowbell and come down, you get tickets.

[900] And there was absolutely no cap on the amount of tickets you could get.

[901] Oh, God.

[902] I wasn't the most comfortable kid.

[903] I was obsessed with these like jogging material pants that when you wore them, they would make that noise.

[904] So like swish.

[905] Swish, swish, swish, swish.

[906] Yeah, yeah, yeah, swish.

[907] And so I get to the rope.

[908] I, I see Coach Goldberg, who I loved.

[909] Can we take two seconds on Coach Goldberg?

[910] Because I was like zero for five in PE coaches.

[911] They were all almost comically cast as like, how's this person teaching us physical ed?

[912] They were not hotties, not one of them.

[913] We had one.

[914] He wasn't a PE teacher, but he coached a thing.

[915] That's diff, though.

[916] But he could have taught PE.

[917] And he was hot.

[918] Okay, but so he was bona fide hot.

[919] Can you walk us through some of his features?

[920] For one thing you should know, he also wore those kind of pants.

[921] Oh, you guys were connected in that way.

[922] Right.

[923] So I wasn't the most comfortable kid yet.

[924] I was just starting to realize I was not straight and it was in Oklahoma.

[925] I just did not feel safe in a lot of ways being who I was, but I was an athlete.

[926] And so the one way that I connected with him is like he would be really supportive of me when I would do well in like archery or baseball.

[927] He was rooting for you.

[928] Yes, he was rooting for me. And he had these piercing blue eyes.

[929] I just thought he was just the most beautiful, man. I didn't really know those were the words I had in my head about him yet, but I just was drawn to the guy.

[930] Yeah, you love being stared at by him.

[931] Yeah, and praise from him at that time in life just felt so good, you know.

[932] So Goldberg was who I wanted to spend my sixth grade carnival with.

[933] I climbed right up.

[934] There was a big mat, you know, a picture of gymnasium's like 25 foot ceilings.

[935] Was it the kind that was nodded?

[936] It was nodded at least.

[937] We're in junior high.

[938] No. No, no. Oh, God.

[939] You're a beast.

[940] Thank you.

[941] At the time, I felt strong, and I was a gymnast.

[942] Yeah.

[943] Gymnist, oh, boy.

[944] It was so easy that first time, and I rang the cowbell.

[945] I came down, he's like, good job, Garrett, which is my last name.

[946] Oh, when they call you by your last name, it's so hot.

[947] Yeah.

[948] It's so sexy.

[949] Monica was just saying she had a teacher.

[950] Oh, really?

[951] They called her Padman, and it felt very flirty.

[952] Yeah, it did.

[953] Right?

[954] It is so flirty.

[955] Yeah.

[956] So I just decided to stick around And what he essentially started doing as I was climbing Was he was calling people over to watch Because it was so impressive He was so proud of you Yeah Yes he was so proud of me And I was like oh my God stop But keep doing it but stop I kept doing it kept bringing you keep getting tickets I think I was trying to win this big teddy bear And I can't remember who it was for It was either my sister Or maybe a girlfriend at the time Or Mr. Goldberg if he would have me. It was probably like the 13th, 14th time I'm climbing the road.

[957] Trip up.

[958] Oh, my God.

[959] Seriously.

[960] Again, it's really far.

[961] This is like at least 15 feet.

[962] I got a ding, ding, dingy right now.

[963] It's not an opportune in time, but you just said without a paddle, ding, ding, ding.

[964] I did a rope climb when I farted really loud in front of the whole crew that was a part of this.

[965] This is very ding ding dingy.

[966] I remember that story.

[967] And you wanted to show off and it's great.

[968] Absolutely.

[969] Absolutely.

[970] We all got our Mr. Goldbergs everywhere.

[971] They're everywhere.

[972] So the mat essentially was surrounded by teachers.

[973] Oh, my God.

[974] I did have some friends that were in band with me that were there.

[975] And a couple of the, like, popular kids were there had come over from the dance pit.

[976] Oh.

[977] And so he's literally got them cheering for me. And I'm climbing.

[978] The reason these pants are important is because they're so slippery.

[979] And, you know, picture, like, I'm wearing tidy whiteys.

[980] I only wore those at the time.

[981] I always had my dick, like, facing up in the underwear.

[982] I know most people go down.

[983] Really quick.

[984] We can't move on from that.

[985] I've never been able to ask someone who rides that way.

[986] How do you explain that?

[987] It's not like you saw it modeled anywhere or no one told you to do it that way.

[988] No, all of my friends thought I was weird for it.

[989] I felt more comfortable.

[990] Now, I can get a little graphic.

[991] Yeah, of course.

[992] Yeah, please.

[993] My dick has a slight curve upward, and so maybe I wanted to go up.

[994] Yeah.

[995] Oh, that makes sense.

[996] Yeah.

[997] For comfort, oh, God, I can't wait for my family to do this.

[998] They're responsible for the penis.

[999] It's their fault.

[1000] It's all their fault.

[1001] And so I'm climbing, and there's no leverage with my legs because they're slippery.

[1002] So I have to start squeezing harder with my thighs.

[1003] As your lats wear out.

[1004] Yeah, I'm getting tired.

[1005] And y 'all, all I know is that once I got about 12 feet up at this point, for the 14th time, I was climbing the rope, I started to feel like an intense sensation, and I wouldn't say that I registered it as a boner.

[1006] Right.

[1007] It also wasn't hot or comfortable to me. You felt some tension.

[1008] So I kept going.

[1009] They're literally cheering me on.

[1010] Yeah, you've got no choice.

[1011] Go, Garrett.

[1012] Go, Garrett.

[1013] All of a sudden, like, my body just convulsed, and I felt this explosion in my pants.

[1014] Oh, my God.

[1015] Oh, my gosh.

[1016] And it was not pleasurable.

[1017] It was painful and terrifying.

[1018] Because you did not want it to happen.

[1019] No. Yes, of course.

[1020] Of course.

[1021] Yes, I know.

[1022] I'm just stating the obvious.

[1023] A lot of these people have welcomed these orgasms in these stories.

[1024] No, this is the worst.

[1025] Oh, my God.

[1026] Everyone's shanting.

[1027] This shan't be welcomed.

[1028] It was awful.

[1029] Okay.

[1030] So I let go and I fell.

[1031] No. Oh, no. You fell?

[1032] Well, because he had exploded.

[1033] I know, but he's got to protect the front of his pants.

[1034] Well, I had no idea what it was.

[1035] Oh.

[1036] Oh, you hadn't yet had.

[1037] an orgasm.

[1038] So I'm bearing the lead.

[1039] I didn't know what coming was.

[1040] Oh.

[1041] Wow.

[1042] That was your first.

[1043] This was my first.

[1044] No wonder you were set to explode out in public.

[1045] You can't ignore that for that long.

[1046] Yeah.

[1047] It wasn't cute.

[1048] Oh my God.

[1049] And then what happened?

[1050] Okay.

[1051] So Goldberg was like, oh, Gary, like, oh, you know, like came over, try to help me up.

[1052] And I'm like, please go away.

[1053] I'm so embarrassed.

[1054] I hope I didn't grab myself, but I may have, and I bolted through the hottest guy in school.

[1055] I'll never forget.

[1056] And he was like, oh, but hold on that.

[1057] But again, he's laughing because you fell.

[1058] He's laughing because I fell, because I don't think you can see wetness, but it was wet.

[1059] Oh, God.

[1060] The woman that just told the story about shitting and coming herself, that's how wet it was, like what she was describing.

[1061] Well, it was a lot of years worth.

[1062] Wow.

[1063] Wow, wow, wow.

[1064] I went to the bathroom and I pulled out the drawstring from my pants.

[1065] And I look down and it's, you know, a bunch of cum.

[1066] Yes.

[1067] And you don't know what that is.

[1068] No. I thought a tumor had burst inside of me. Of course.

[1069] Sure.

[1070] Yeah, yeah.

[1071] Yeah.

[1072] Not only have I now had this happen, I thought I had cancer and needed emergency attention.

[1073] Oh my God.

[1074] I'm so scared of how you find out.

[1075] Same.

[1076] I stuffed my pants full of toilet paper and I bolted.

[1077] for the office, hysterically crying.

[1078] Oh, my God.

[1079] I asked him, I was like, please, you know, I need to call my mom.

[1080] Right now, this is an emergency.

[1081] And she's like, okay, sweetie.

[1082] And she, like, she was so sweet.

[1083] She put the phone up.

[1084] And I still remember the number.

[1085] My mom was the secretary at this credit union, 943, 9 -9 -5 -9.

[1086] I dialed the number.

[1087] She answers and she's like, Santa Fe Credit Union, this is V. And I was like, Mommy.

[1088] And I, like, explain this thing to her in detail what happened to me. And it was like a pen drop.

[1089] The whole place was silent.

[1090] The woman that gave me the phone was like side -eyeing me and like typing.

[1091] Oh my God.

[1092] Jason, this is one of the most intense stories I've ever heard in my life.

[1093] Yeah, I feel freaked out.

[1094] You think the punchline is spraying on a rope.

[1095] I know.

[1096] By the way, like piss up a rope, you know that saying?

[1097] Because obviously if you piss up a rope, it's going to come back.

[1098] Oh, that's true.

[1099] This is now another one.

[1100] But anyways.

[1101] Did you think at any point that you had shit your, before you figured out what it was, when you felt the explosion, did you think maybe you would shit?

[1102] No, I knew it was from my penis.

[1103] Okay, okay.

[1104] It was doing the thing.

[1105] Yeah, it was like throbbing and, oh my God.

[1106] It totally terrified me. This is so crazy.

[1107] I knew it wasn't my booty hole.

[1108] Oh, my God.

[1109] This pairing between you two is incredible.

[1110] I feel like you're like Jess.

[1111] You're off -leash, yeah.

[1112] Like, do you shit?

[1113] You didn't you shit?

[1114] shit yourself?

[1115] Well, I'm just wondering.

[1116] I know.

[1117] He's like, no, it was my penis.

[1118] Definitely my throbbing penis.

[1119] Okay, so you're talking to your mom.

[1120] Oh, oh, yeah.

[1121] So I'm talking to mama and she was very sweet but very quiet for a long time.

[1122] And then she was like, I'll never forget her like calm voice going, sweetie, you don't have cancer.

[1123] I'm going to get you out of school early and I'll have someone can pick you up.

[1124] I felt more confident that I was okay, but I was like, if it's not cancer, like, what the hell just came out of me. Yes, yes.

[1125] She got my 16 -year -old sister at a school early to pick me up, which I thought was a choice.

[1126] Yeah.

[1127] And she told her.

[1128] Is she nice, your sister?

[1129] No. She's a sister.

[1130] Oh, fuck.

[1131] You remember how you were as a sister?

[1132] I wouldn't have talked to my brother about his cum, though.

[1133] Right, right, right.

[1134] Ew, even that sentence.

[1135] But if you were forced to, can you imagine who you'd be taking it out on him?

[1136] Oh, for sure.

[1137] I'd be mad at it.

[1138] Yes.

[1139] I love her.

[1140] She's a really wonderful sister.

[1141] And also at the time, like, she was 16 and I get it.

[1142] Yeah.

[1143] She pulled up in our, like, 1980 Oldsmobile.

[1144] And I remember opening the door.

[1145] And she, like, looked at me and just burst into laughter.

[1146] Oh.

[1147] I knew I was okay because she would not laugh if I was hurt.

[1148] Yeah, it makes messies.

[1149] First relief, then maybe embarrassment after relief.

[1150] I was relieved, but still, like, why are you laughing?

[1151] What just happened was awful.

[1152] And I don't remember.

[1153] I called my mom, my sister.

[1154] Like, none of us remember what next.

[1155] I don't remember how I learned it was come.

[1156] Wow.

[1157] Because of this, I did not masturbate for, I think, way too long.

[1158] Oh.

[1159] Wait, and then you're saying after that situation, you didn't.

[1160] Because he didn't want anything else to come out.

[1161] Well, it didn't feel good.

[1162] Yeah.

[1163] It felt awful.

[1164] And humiliating.

[1165] Yes.

[1166] Oh, my God.

[1167] I still to this day, I wonder if anybody knew what happened.

[1168] I don't think so.

[1169] I don't either.

[1170] Probably not.

[1171] The best decoy of all time happens right before you'd gather any of the other information, which is you fell off a rope.

[1172] Right.

[1173] All your brain's thinking about it's like, oh, accident, injuries, you get up and run and cry.

[1174] Oh, well, he's embarrassed.

[1175] He fell.

[1176] It's all.

[1177] Yeah, yeah.

[1178] Also, because you had done it 14 times, it's like obvious at one point you were going to call.

[1179] Yeah.

[1180] That was the, they probably were like, oh, this poor boy is so hard on himself.

[1181] He'd already done it 13 times.

[1182] And look how embarrassed and sad he is.

[1183] He couldn't get 14.

[1184] Yeah, that's a good point yeah i think this was a win across the board whatever happened with mr goldberg yeah what's he up to mr g where's mr g these days you know the last time i did see him i hit him in the face with a tennis ball by accident oh and i got yelled at that's the last time i remember seeing him oh have you ever gone on facebook or anything to see what he looks like no i don't even remember his first name i don't know his first name yeah you shouldn't know if you know his first name we're in trouble probably no and i didn't care that he didn't know mine.

[1185] I just liked being called Garrett.

[1186] Yes.

[1187] Oh, man. Wow.

[1188] That was extraordinary.

[1189] That was great.

[1190] These were as good as I would, I hopes.

[1191] Yeah, we had.

[1192] You were a little nervous.

[1193] I was nervous because some of these could, you know, you never know what you're going to get when you put out a prompt for unexpected orgasm.

[1194] But I'm happy.

[1195] Again, it's kind of like the, um, have you shit your pants on a date prompt where they were all very heartwarming and endearing.

[1196] Yeah.

[1197] Unexpected.

[1198] True.

[1199] This too has been kind of endearing and life affirming.

[1200] Yeah.

[1201] Yeah.

[1202] Oh, good.

[1203] It was so nice to meet you both.

[1204] So nice to meet you.

[1205] You're going to be our last because I can't talk to someone who had it at nine.

[1206] Who's four?

[1207] Yeah.

[1208] So we're going to have to cap it now at 12.

[1209] Okay.

[1210] I totally get it.

[1211] All right.

[1212] Nice to meet you.

[1213] Take care.

[1214] Thank you so much.

[1215] Bye.

[1216] Bye.

[1217] Oh, my God.

[1218] It's so hard to be a person.

[1219] Why did they invent humans to embarrass themselves so much?

[1220] Well, I'm really glad he didn't tell us that he had never had an organism before he told us the story.

[1221] Because it really does prove it's also impacted by what you know and don't know.

[1222] It's crazy.

[1223] Yeah.

[1224] It's really, if you don't know what that is and all of a sudden your penis erupts in some fluid that you've never seen that color, shouldn't this be blood?

[1225] Right.

[1226] Why isn't it red?

[1227] Or urine.

[1228] Right.

[1229] Or yellow.

[1230] Yes.

[1231] Well, he proved us wrong.

[1232] He did.

[1233] A male unexpected orgasm.

[1234] Yeah.

[1235] And he didn't enjoy it.

[1236] No. That's this sad thing, I guess.

[1237] Well, I'm sure he's since enjoyed many.

[1238] Oh, Jesus.

[1239] Anyway, well.

[1240] That was great.

[1241] That was really healthy.

[1242] I'm glad we did that.

[1243] Yeah, I think we'll do that again.

[1244] Maybe.

[1245] Take care.

[1246] Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[1247] We know a theme song.

[1248] Oh.

[1249] Okay, great.

[1250] We don't have a thing song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.

[1251] We're going to ask some random questions.

[1252] hands in with the help of armcherry's book and some suggestions on the flyer rhyme dish on the flyer rindish enjoy follow armchair expert on the Wondry app Amazon music or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to every episode of Armchair expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[1253] Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry .com survey