#251 - Bryan Callen

[0] All right, you dirty freaks, Brian Cowan's here, and I don't know how to turn the music on.

[1] So we're going to, da -dan -dan -dan -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da.

[2] It's the podcast.

[3] Just thinking like heavy guitars and wind blowing my hair back.

[4] It's the fucking podcast!

[5] Yeah, it's the Brian Callan's on the podcast with Joe Rogan.

[6] That was a very interesting one of the dance right there.

[7] Yeah, I'm bringing it back.

[8] It was like a gay Kenyan dance.

[9] I'm bringing back some shit from like the 70s, some assing.

[10] Do you know that if you cook in cast iron, if you cook and cast iron, it's an excellent way of getting iron in your diet, which I didn't know?

[11] Yes, yes.

[12] They say steaks in cast iron.

[13] Like you sear a steak and cast iron.

[14] But then you can get too much ferris oxide in your diet and you have to be careful.

[15] So Tim Ferriss says in his book that a lot of these guys will like actually take a day and eat no iron.

[16] Really?

[17] Yes, to bring their iron levels down.

[18] So there it is.

[19] Wow.

[20] Ferris is fascinating.

[21] We've been going back and forth.

[22] He's going to come back on the podcast again.

[23] Well, let's do it.

[24] Let's look it up.

[25] He's a great guy.

[26] I got to get him on because I had a conversation with him after I read his book and I loved them in it he just knows so much yeah he's uh apparently got a lot of stuff cooking and he's in middle of writing a book as well but um man i love talking to him i just love talking to dudes that are just filled with information like him rob wolf the the paleo solution yeah author what was that like fucking great you know because i'm reading the guys filled with information it's controversial well but i i just i just read the china study i talked to you about it which is about he's a very very credible science and he looks at a lot of science that says this whole food, a plant -based whole -food diet is the best way to go.

[27] Problem is that I think, like, we talked about, if you're doing sports and lifting, personally, I went, I went, like, about a week eating just a whole -food plant -based diet.

[28] I ate a steak the other day.

[29] I, I wuffed it down.

[30] I inhaled it.

[31] It was literally like, I was like, oh, ha, ha, oh, and I've never felt better, man. I mean, I just need some meat sometimes.

[32] I don't think that you can have the same diet for every person.

[33] I don't think everybody needs, I don't think everybody needs a steak.

[34] There's a lot of chicks out there that don't need a steak.

[35] They really don't.

[36] There's a lot of dudes that don't need a steak.

[37] Jamie Kilstein's coming on the podcast tomorrow.

[38] He's a vegan.

[39] He's healthy.

[40] He's happy.

[41] And he loves it.

[42] He's real fitness.

[43] He's always constantly doing martial arts, jujitsu and shit.

[44] And he's a vegan.

[45] He weighs eight pounds.

[46] I'm not kidding.

[47] He weighs eight pounds.

[48] Well, I always look at it.

[49] You can't find too many Olympic athletes who are vegan.

[50] No. Well, Mac Danzick, who's also going to do the podcast.

[51] We're going back and forth.

[52] I love that dude.

[53] He's a really, really interesting guy.

[54] He's a UFC fighter who's a vegan.

[55] He's also a photographer, and, you know, he works.

[56] His reasons are that he loves animals.

[57] Yeah, I respect that.

[58] And I respect that as well.

[59] Look, I love animals, too.

[60] There's a cycle of life, and I think factory farming is horrific, but I think wild game.

[61] I think that's where it's at.

[62] I think in a perfect world, we would buy meat from hunters, and that would be a new fucking industry.

[63] We'd have to make sure that people weren't poaching.

[64] Buy meat from hunters.

[65] I think you should be able to hunt a lot of them because deer are fucking everywhere.

[66] The idea that there's a...

[67] They're glorified cows, dude.

[68] Yeah, and we can grow more of them too, by the way.

[69] We can grow more of them.

[70] But my point is, when they're wild and they're running around and then you just hunt them and kill them, I think, first of all, the whole thing is way more humane because they lived the real life.

[71] They lived a real life that is no, the deer's never lived a better life.

[72] They have one life.

[73] That's why, forage for food, stay alive.

[74] If you do that, you've won.

[75] They're also, by the way, they're also, they are food in the wild.

[76] Of course, that's why they're there.

[77] One of the, Joseph Campbell always said that one of the problems with the original, the original sort of peoples in their mythology was that they would look around in nature and realize it life ate life.

[78] And if you look at a lot of like, whether it's Native Americans or whatever, the traditions of killing animals, they were always fairly, most cultures were always fairly, very uneasy with killing an animal, which was why when you killed an animal, there was a ritual around that.

[79] There was usually prayer said.

[80] They were rituals because human beings were like...

[81] They felt a connection.

[82] Yeah, we're taken and we're...

[83] And when you actually have to kill something with a spear or a bow and arrow or a knife and you feel its heartbeat and you smell that animal, that's very intimate.

[84] It's very...

[85] It's physically intimate.

[86] It's very...

[87] And almost all original...

[88] Aboriginal cultures had...

[89] All of that I can think have had a sort of a ritual around that.

[90] They would say prayers.

[91] They do all kinds of things.

[92] Because it makes sense.

[93] What we've become is so removed from our food.

[94] We're so removed with factory farming and things.

[95] It feeds a lot of people, gets a lot of protein in people.

[96] People don't go hungry anymore.

[97] I always remind people 30 years ago, I mean, half of India.

[98] A lot of China went through major famines and certainly most of Africa.

[99] But now that's becoming more and more a relic of the past.

[100] It's because we become very efficient at getting food to a maximum number of people.

[101] But there's a disconnection.

[102] There's a huge disconnection.

[103] Yeah.

[104] So when you eat a pig, when you eat bacon that's been in a gestation crate, you know, and goes crazy because it's chewing on the bars.

[105] You're not really thinking about it, man. I'm just, I'm just hungry.

[106] You're not thinking it's a pig.

[107] You're thinking it's just a piece of ham.

[108] We've actually given these really euphemistic names to meet.

[109] Having said that, I eat...

[110] Right.

[111] Isn't that cute?

[112] Yeah, it is.

[113] We do that beef, ham.

[114] Yeah.

[115] You know, you don't think of it.

[116] Veal.

[117] If you ever go to a farm, though, and you're, like, playing around with the lambs and the goats and fucking, I mean, and playing around on them.

[118] But you start to, you get kind of, you realize, oh, wow, man, that thing is a living, breathing creature that is reacting to me and reacting to its environment.

[119] I got to lock this door.

[120] I forgot to lock this door.

[121] Keep talking.

[122] Yeah, and it's, it's an interesting thing.

[123] If you talk to farmers who are around animals, they're very, very tuned and keyed into animals and nature on a way that most of us are not.

[124] They just have to be.

[125] They're very aware of the cycles.

[126] They're very aware of all the things.

[127] You talk to dairy farmers?

[128] There was a, a mad cow scare and this woman was being interviewed because they had to kill all our cows in front of her and then they had to burn the cows.

[129] That was a government policy in Britain at the time because these preons were very dangerous.

[130] So they took out the whole herd and she was so devastated because she got to, she knew her cows.

[131] She had, every one of her cows she knew had its own personality had its own name and she had her own relationship with it.

[132] For me I went, it's a fucking cow, really?

[133] And it was devastating for her.

[134] Well, she was going to butcher those cows, or were they dairy cows?

[135] No, one of them had mad cow disease, and the law, at the time, this is about 10 years ago, they had to put down the whole herd.

[136] Right.

[137] So, but was she raising these cows for butchering?

[138] No, dairy, they were dairy cows.

[139] And they were also, I believe some of them were for butchering as well.

[140] But this was a dairy farm for the most part.

[141] So did they feed the cows fucked up things?

[142] Did they feed them like cow meat?

[143] apparently what happened with with the development of these preons in the central nervous systems of cows I'm not scientists but from what I read I remember you could eat if you had a cow that had mad cow disease it wasn't eating the muscle meat that fucked you up it was when you ate the brain tissue yeah brain tissue spinal cord and they would ground that up into hot dogs and things like that and you can take those preons they're called preons I think and you can heat them up to 500 degrees and they still don't die.

[144] Yeah.

[145] And you can still get the mad cow disease.

[146] So you can't, it's not the stare at, you can't sterilize.

[147] I think it's more than a thousand degrees.

[148] It's crazy.

[149] And so apparently that came from the fact that you had cows cannibalizing their own tissue because when you slaughter cows, there are certain parts, I guess, that you don't necessarily need.

[150] You take 5 % of that.

[151] You put it into the slop and they'll eat it.

[152] They were doing that with chickens.

[153] It's so fucked up.

[154] It's become illegal now.

[155] But what's fucked up about it is if they could do it with pigs, that's okay.

[156] Pigs actually are omnivores, but you're doing it with cows.

[157] Like, you're just jacking his whole system.

[158] But not just that.

[159] The reason you don't want an animal cannibalizing itself is because it leads to these really weird pathogens.

[160] Yeah, these prions, right?

[161] It's why actually in the book of Leviticus, which you actually...

[162] Prions or Priyons?

[163] I think it's called Priyons, but the book of Leviticus you were talking about in your show.

[164] Yeah.

[165] The book of Leviticus is actually a book in the Old Testament that goes into really stark detail about what you can eat and what you can't.

[166] and in the Old Testament they always talk about the fact you can't eat animals of prey so you can't eat a leopard or an osprey an eagle, a hawk why?

[167] Because those animals eat other animal protein and you still don't find people eating leopard meat even in...

[168] I think they eat mountain lions I think mountain lions stakes.

[169] You can eat bear and stuff like that but you wouldn't do it there's a reason we don't it's a rarity and we say I think they do because for the most part no culture has ever eaten the protein except for fish but a lot of animals that eat other animals apparently it's not apparently it's not healthy it kind of makes sense if you think about it well it's also they're probably they probably taste creepy yeah well i've heard i've heard that when you eat bear meat it's really oily and really like gamey and oily but bears bears are mostly herbivores actually unless you're talking about polar bears which are complete meat eaters yeah we were actually just talking about this about going hunting we're saying that i didn't Steve Ronella asked me to go hunting with him to go bear hunting.

[170] And I'm like, I don't want to kill a bear, man. I don't want to eat it.

[171] If it's not something that I really want to eat, like I like venison.

[172] I'll kill a deer.

[173] I love venison.

[174] I like ducks.

[175] My mouth waters when I see it.

[176] My dad and I went to Alaska, okay, to go hunt bear.

[177] He goes, I want to hunt bear.

[178] I go, I'm not hunting bear.

[179] He goes, why not?

[180] I go, well, because I don't want to kill a bear.

[181] Oh, and by the way, either do you?

[182] Somebody talked you into it?

[183] He goes, well, I'm talking to a guy.

[184] I go, well, what do you do?

[185] He had already bought a bear.

[186] rifle that's how susceptible he's like the guy was like come by her i'll buy a rifle he bought like literally like a like a twelve thousand dollar rifle some crazy with the scope and everything so we go there and i go i'll go to alaska with you but we'll go fishing he goes i'll call you right back it calls me yeah you're right i don't want to kill a bear either let's go fishing so he buys a crazy amount of fishing equipment we go there we didn't catch one fish not one fucking fish really what we're not fishermen we lost all the lures we literally lost all the you know how to tie knots i don't know how to do any of it my so he just took chances like we went out there we paid hell it's money for this guy the guy to learn some good knots man that's important the guide comes back and he goes we go we don't have any more lures and he goes but you had a thing of him he goes yeah we lost him he goes what do you mean we were casting over the lake into the trees he literally goes like this he goes how'd you lose all the lords we're like oh no we never caught one fish and then he'd he goes I want to cite my rifle this was he brings his rifle I want to cite it so the former marine wants to cite his rifle so he lies down he's showing us how to shoot prone, right?

[187] Problem is when you're in the Marines, you're shooting military weapons.

[188] They don't have the kind of recoil that at 370 or whatever the fuck it was.

[189] I can kill an elk from half a mile away.

[190] So he's like, he's got his face right up against the scope.

[191] And he's like, all right, and I'm like, all right.

[192] And I'm like, oh, Jesus.

[193] Because I'm going to shoot that log.

[194] I go, do it.

[195] So I'm right behind him.

[196] And I don't know if you've ever heard a fucking elephant gun go off when you're close to it.

[197] It was so loud that I practically, I think I shat my pants a little bit, like a little duty flat of my ass my face the sound like hit it was like a fire stick I went I was like he he goes to shoot and he goes he shoots I'm right behind him and it was so loud I went oh Jesus like that it hit me I fall back on my ass he looks up he's got this really deep round cut in his eye because the scope came back and hit him in the eye so for the rest of the fucking that last trip we're walking around like a couple losers I'm like don't stand next to me bro you look like such a fucking tourist he has a huge cut around his eye, like half a raccoon.

[198] That is hilarious.

[199] I'm like, I don't know who that guy is.

[200] I know he looks like me, but he ain't my dad.

[201] How are you supposed to shoot that through the scope?

[202] He's supposed to back way up?

[203] Yeah, you fuck, I don't know.

[204] It's a 370 or whatever.

[205] Or do you just have to brace it better?

[206] You got to brace it better.

[207] I shot it six times, and I couldn't shoot it anymore because I literally don't have the meat in my shoulder.

[208] It hurt that bad.

[209] Jesus, like the kick is that bad.

[210] And one of the tricks you do when you don't have earplugs is keep your mouth open when you shoot a gun that loud because the sound has somewhere to go.

[211] Mistake rookies make is they keep their mouth closed.

[212] Really?

[213] Yeah, so you keep your mouth open and loose.

[214] It's one of the rare times in life where you're supposed to keep your mouth open.

[215] That's what I was told, by the way, any soldiers out there, I don't know, maybe I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

[216] But that's what the guy told me, this guy named Swede, and he said, keep your mouth open, that's how you do it, because he was shooting, no problem.

[217] I was like, doesn't that hurt?

[218] The sound was so loud to hurt my face.

[219] Forget my ears.

[220] It's crazy that they get to, like, a level like that.

[221] It's like they get guns to the point.

[222] Well, you get to, like, the 50 caliber ring.

[223] Like, what are you doing?

[224] What are you doing?

[225] What the hell are you doing?

[226] I want to kill something from a mile away.

[227] This isn't like, I mean, that's like some army shit.

[228] Like, why is a regular person buying some army shit?

[229] When you get one of those high -powered hunting rifles, it's to kill an elk like a half a mile away.

[230] You know, with this raging gun -controlled debate in this country, do you think that there's any possible way you could, make this a safe world with guns.

[231] Here's what I always say about gun control.

[232] It's what I talk about with my stand -up.

[233] Speaking of which I'll be at the American Comedy Club.

[234] This weekend, ladies and gentlemen.

[235] It's Thursday, Friday.

[236] Saturday.

[237] That's down in San Diego.

[238] San Diego.

[239] Thursday.

[240] Thursday.

[241] Oh, shit, bitches.

[242] Amazing club, by the way.

[243] We did a desk watch show there.

[244] We had a fucking great time, man. We did a weekend.

[245] We did two shows.

[246] I'm doing all new stuff.

[247] I'm excited about my new hour.

[248] But one of the things I always say what I was the thing I was talking about with gun control is gun control in this country in my opinion will never work in in terms of what people are calling for because I think that men like their guns not because they're shining and they go boom I actually really believe most men own guns because it's the it's it's for them it's certainly for me a feeling that at least I can protect my family if the shit hits the fan because a golf club or a sharp stick ain't going to do it I want an arsenal in case And I think most men go When a politician says And they have good points But if a politician says We want to take your gun away Americans in particular go I don't fucking Because you're not going to be there When somebody tries to break in my house At 4 in the morning I could call 911 But the feeling of a phone in my hand Versus my Mosberg 20 gauge You know pump action shotgun Feels a lot better to me The real problem Is that guns are out there That's the real problem If guns didn't exist Then you're having a go And be a different issue But here's where the debate actually lies for me after this terrible tragedy with the Batman thing.

[249] I do think, and the NRAs, from what I can understand, isn't that cooperative with this, I do think there's a debate to be had about the letality of weapons.

[250] Do you need a drum that holds a hundred rounds?

[251] I don't think so.

[252] Do you need a fucking elephant guy?

[253] Right.

[254] I don't think that you necessarily need an assault weapon that goes through a car engine or goes through buildings.

[255] But you know what?

[256] All the law -abiding people out there, like my friend Anthony Coomia from the Opie and Anthony shows a gun nut.

[257] Why shouldn't he be allowed to have him?

[258] It doesn't bother me at all that he has one.

[259] I own guns and I'm, you know, I agree.

[260] I mean, I wonder, then the other debate.

[261] Anthony has a 50 caliber.

[262] He has one of those cannon things.

[263] I don't know.

[264] I mean, I think that there was a politician on, he said this about it was really kind of, he was honest, it was really interesting.

[265] He said, what can we do about these madmen?

[266] And he said, unfortunately, in a society like ours, that's free and as big as we are, you can't ultimately do anything about a lone, crazy, demented.

[267] human being who is whatever he is, schizophrenic.

[268] I think, though, the debate lies.

[269] Can you, though, create a situation where you can keep very lethal, efficient weapons like machine guns out of their hands?

[270] That seems to be the debate.

[271] I mean, I don't think you're ever going to stop crazies from getting guns and shooting people, but it'd be nice if they got just a Glock as opposed to an AR -15 with a drum of 100 rounds.

[272] Now, this is where the conspiracy theory kicks.

[273] is where all these people believe that the government has brainwashed people like this joker guy to go and commit these things so they can clamp down on gun control and that when you see what is this eric holder or you see like first of all the the nonsense of them selling illegal guns to mexico and having those guns be used on american border patrol agents and murder of war they're retarded that was actually a way to track weapons you know, attract whatever.

[274] They sold guns, man. I think that is the dumbest idea in the history of dumb ideas.

[275] I don't know the details, but it doesn't sound very good.

[276] Well, Alex Jones, of course, put your tinfoil hat on, believes that they did that shit on purpose and they're making money off of it and they wrapped it up in a ridiculous, completely implausible plot, like a completely implausible plan.

[277] Yeah, the problem with a guy like Alex Jones, in my opinion, is whenever you talk about the government, the government is so diversified with so many different interests.

[278] There are so many people that actually are against gun control and government and passionate about it.

[279] There are a lot of people in government that are very for gun control.

[280] I think there's a lot of debate, even within the U .S. Army and the FBI and the CIA, about what we should do about everything.

[281] I think you're misunderstanding his tone, though.

[282] What he's saying is it's a much more sinister thing than the government itself.

[283] What he's talking about is like the world banks and the new world order getting together and physically engineering a situation where they can clamp down on people.

[284] to take away their guns because they're worried about the economy going into the toilet and then you know they're when they're passing things like a lot of credit to a group it is it is however when they're passing things like the the NDAA when they pass things like that you realize like well they are slowly but steadily taking our rights away in a place in a time where the you know it's really not necessary there's no personal attacks I mean there's no there's no attacks going on here in America I I would agree with you on that but I I think it's a little bit more insidious and a little bit more subtle than that.

[285] I actually think that it's kind of what the Founding Fathers warned about a long time ago.

[286] A lot of times human beings will invent laws that take their own power away in the name of things like safety, in the name of, look at the Patriot Act.

[287] Right.

[288] You know, those kinds of things where before you know it, there is a, I keep telling you about this.

[289] My father, I did a podcast with my dad on the Brian Callaghan Show, and he was talking about, He spent a lot of time in government, a lot of time down there, watched how it really works.

[290] It's not that politicians are bad.

[291] It's not that, you know, Republicans or Democrats, a lot of people have good ideas.

[292] They're trying to get shit done.

[293] Obama's not a socialist.

[294] It's government's in the business of intent.

[295] You're in the business of intent.

[296] You have a law and you have an intention.

[297] The problem when you have an intention is that there's so many different interests that you have to appease to get that law whole and past.

[298] And what happens is what you end.

[299] intended usually has other consequences, which would make sense.

[300] And I think what we have to worry about is, like what you're talking about, where we start losing our own power, but it's almost like it happens, it happens without us even realizing it.

[301] Like you pass a law that seems to be a good law, it has other unintended consequences.

[302] Right.

[303] And whenever you do anything that compromises people's freedom and liberty, then you have to say, well, what is the end game in this?

[304] Because this seems like even in the name of safety, you're going to claim.

[305] down on freedom and liberty, and safety isn't going to be worth nearly as much.

[306] You have to really look at that.

[307] My father was talking about corporations, and he at one point ran the biggest investment bank in the world.

[308] He knows a little...

[309] I heard it was an amazing podcast, by the way.

[310] A lot of people really, really enjoyed it.

[311] I was so proud of it.

[312] You can get it on Brian Callan .com.

[313] If I wasn't so selfish, I would listen to it.

[314] Yeah, well, no, this I think you'd really like, though, because he's so fair.

[315] He's so fair.

[316] He's so about personal liberty, but he also understands that he's very moderate about that stuff.

[317] But, you know, he's somebody who talks about, for example, whatever your intention, whatever your intention, as government grows, and both sides are responsible, Democrats, Republicans, it's human.

[318] As a government grows with tax revenue or whatever it is, what happens with corporations, they behave just like you and I would, which is, I got to lobby my government so I can get a favorable outcome here because everybody else is doing it.

[319] So pretty soon you've got everybody feeding out of or influencing the government trough.

[320] It's just how you can't do business otherwise.

[321] You can't be in business as a bank without having very strong ties to the government.

[322] You can't.

[323] You just can't.

[324] And therein lies the argument.

[325] So no matter what you say, yes, you need government, yes, there are good ideas out there.

[326] You know, but just be aware that regardless, the bigger it gets, even if its intentions are good, you're going to have, you're going to lose, the argument goes, you're going to lose some of your liberties.

[327] You're just going to.

[328] That seems at least to be what history says.

[329] And it seems to be that it's so easy to let something grow completely unnecessarily out of control.

[330] If you wanted to, you could micromanage every single aspect of society in order to create new jobs.

[331] If you wanted to create new jobs and give more people the work of, you know.

[332] Well, look, we were just talking about this this weekend.

[333] Now, explain to me how in any way making hemp weed marijuana illegal.

[334] Marijuana is illegal.

[335] You and I were hanging out at a bar this weekend, and I remember I said, and there was somebody acting up, and they were drunk.

[336] And I said that I've never been bothered by a pothead like that.

[337] But it's always somebody who's drinking.

[338] Now, alcohol causes way more damage.

[339] We all know the story.

[340] Yeah, well, the facts are as clear as day.

[341] Why is marijuana, why are those laws, those federal laws, so difficult to repeal?

[342] Well, I'll tell you why, in my opinion.

[343] And it goes back to what you brought up.

[344] There's a lot of money in enforcing, a lot of money in enforcing marijuana laws.

[345] There's a lot of money.

[346] Yes.

[347] Talk to the DEA.

[348] You've got a lot of people whose jobs depend on this stuff.

[349] It's not anybody's fault.

[350] It's what happens, man. We are all, anytime you have a critique of somebody, just realize if you were in their position, you'd probably be the same goddamn way.

[351] You hopefully not, but that's what happens.

[352] That's why we need clear -cut laws to protect people from their own instincts, to protect human nature.

[353] For you, a person who's outside of it, objectively looking at the situation from a knowledgeable point of view, you can sort of engineer what is and what isn't legal.

[354] We have to avoid this so you can't take money.

[355] We have to avoid that, so you can't do this.

[356] And unless you stick by some well -thought rules, It's like, you need a scaffolding for humanity to grow on.

[357] And when you give people power with no scaffolding.

[358] Yeah, I never arguing any more about a democratic or Republican platform.

[359] I never do that.

[360] My argument always centers on one thing, which is, hey, look, you got your political point of view.

[361] That's great.

[362] You've got your criticisms.

[363] We all agree we need some government.

[364] You just need some government.

[365] Yeah, we need some moral boundaries.

[366] We need some engineering of our culture.

[367] Sure.

[368] You need law and order.

[369] You need roads.

[370] But we need way less than we have.

[371] Well, there you go.

[372] And so then the question becomes, how much less do we need?

[373] A lot less.

[374] Okay.

[375] And that's where the debate should, that's where we should talk about why and why, what is the objective, to preserve personal freedom, personal liberty.

[376] If they had less laws and more cops, the world would be a way better place.

[377] And if the cops were paid better and treated better by people, if more people got their shit together so they didn't look at the cop as like someone is going to come and arrest you for doing shitty things just don't be doing shitty things if we if we could figure out a way to elevate our society to the next level you know i think it could be a way they've done some of you know i was just reading an article but my thoughts of a cop is like like a security person like a friend like let's put it this way instead of thinking of cops as like someone is coming to bust you or someone's going to take your shit if if you had good cops in a community it's like if you had a a fucking fort and your buddy was the guy who had to watch the door with the gun because there's crazy Indians or who knows what the fuck could happen.

[378] You need that.

[379] That shit is very important.

[380] You have to have somebody guarding the wall.

[381] And somewhere along the line, it stopped being that and it became an us versus them, the society versus the cops.

[382] I do think though that a lot of police forces, that's not lost on a lot of cops and a lot of the brass.

[383] For example, in New York, I just read an article that crime is down since the 90s by 80%.

[384] Yeah, that's amazing.

[385] Isn't it?

[386] And mostly, mostly in black and Hispanic neighborhoods.

[387] Mostly Giuliani came in and just cut the bullshit.

[388] Yeah, and it was Bratton and their notion of a quality of life laws.

[389] They said if somebody graffities a wall, they probably do other things that are bad too.

[390] So we're going to start enforcing those small crimes because they lead to bigger crimes, that kind of notion.

[391] And it's interesting how many people were like so down.

[392] on Giuliani doing that.

[393] Really upset that he's ruining New York.

[394] New York's the best.

[395] I was in New York.

[396] I shot a movie there three weeks ago or whatever.

[397] It's better than I've been, my family's from there.

[398] It's better than I've ever seen the city in my life.

[399] That's incredible.

[400] It's incredible.

[401] It's a better place to be than anywhere.

[402] It's the best I've ever seen it.

[403] It's the better place to be than anywhere in the world?

[404] Well, in some ways.

[405] I don't want to get carried away.

[406] What's the greatest part about it to you?

[407] Accessibility to everything that's everything and feeling safe doing it.

[408] you've got, first of all, you've got the Lower East Side, which is totally different than the Lower West Side, which is totally different than the Upper West Side, which is totally different than the Upper East Side.

[409] And there's an experience to be had in all quadrants of Manhattan.

[410] You can get there in 15 minutes by cab or less or by subway.

[411] And most importantly, you no longer walk around New York feeling like you're going to get mugged or anything else.

[412] See, that's the feeling that people still have about Manhattan, It's that weird feeling of worrying about being mugged.

[413] Sure, because it's so big.

[414] But if you look at statistics, the police have done an amazing job of policing.

[415] And you know what else has done a really good job?

[416] I can't remember our police chief here in L .A., but they've done a really good job, really good job at controlling gang violence in this.

[417] And it's almost impossible in such an huge area.

[418] But they've done a really innovative job, you know, comparatively.

[419] They've learned a lot from.

[420] from the gang explosions in the 80s and the 90s, and they've done a really good job in a lot of places.

[421] It's kind of fucked when you really wrap your head around it.

[422] Like, that should be the laws that people are concentrating on.

[423] What is causing that kind of shit?

[424] I know it's causing.

[425] I have an opinion on that.

[426] Gangs, I think a lot of it comes, starts with...

[427] No family.

[428] Exactly.

[429] I talked to a principal in Kansas City.

[430] I said, what would you do about education?

[431] I wanted to get into a talk about it, you know?

[432] And he said, nothing.

[433] Our schools are great.

[434] Our parents are fucked up.

[435] They had good parents.

[436] It would be fine.

[437] I was like, ooh, geez.

[438] I never thought.

[439] He goes, my school is great.

[440] I just got parents that don't They're not present They got three kids they can't take care of And it comes down to that There's a lot of that man I think I think gangs are about kids Who just want to feel significant And belong to something Yeah absolutely Everybody has the need to belong to a team or a tribe You know I mean that's why we call ourselves A Death Squad You know that's why I love being a part of 10th planet Jiu -Jitsu You know that's it's we You know when you You become a part of like a team You know you become You feel stronger So some kids kid who's out there on his own you know his family just fucking sucks and his whole life has been shit and you know he's there with some dude who will shoot a dude for him you know and that's kind of what the podcast is too isn't it I mean yeah you know you you have a really did that show we were Joe did a show this weekend in Denver and that crowd was so they were so unbelievable it was like a rock star I went out as Joe and I and I said what's up you fucking Franks yeah we wanted to see how long it would take before people realized they thought it was me and they must have been like what the hell Joe got skinny and a little taller with a beard.

[441] That's weird.

[442] But anyway, but they went crazy.

[443] And then watching all those people line up just to take a picture with you, they feel like they belong to an experience, you know?

[444] They feel like they belong to something.

[445] Like even that my, I do that, you know, my 10 -minute podcast, I notice a lot of young men, they glom to that kind of humor.

[446] You know, they like the silliness that we do because it's kind of like recess.

[447] It creates when you create a following and you create a core group of people it makes them feel like they belong to something I think that's why they root for a team and you have an experience with it it's the same kind of thing well this is even more intimate experience because you know you're in people's fucking heads man you know that's why people get so annoyed if you say something over repeat things or if you do something they don't like like the people are allowing you like the most intimate sort of like input into their brain you're in the fucking earbuds and you're literally playing inside their ear and you're talking inside their head and if you're annoying that's a mind fuck but if you are really genuinely on a good path and you really are genuinely promoting other people to be on a good path to and and just brotherhood you know tom road sent me a text today that was a really fucking awesome text because tom just did the uh ice house chronicles show that we do at uh the death squad at the um ice house yeah the ice house amazing old comedy club And we've been doing these shows, and we're going to do one this Friday night, where we have all these comics of it was Damarera.

[448] You know, this week it's Greg Fitzsimmons, Joey Diaz.

[449] Joey's on all time.

[450] Burke Kreisher was there this week.

[451] I mean, these shows are fucking incredible, okay?

[452] And we're hanging around in the back room, and we're doing a podcast, and it's me and Chrysher and Tom Rhodes and Domerera and Brody Stevens, and we are laughing our fucking dicks off.

[453] It's so fun.

[454] It's like the stuff we always did, but now hundreds of thousands of people have listened.

[455] But what Tom said, he goes, I really love the feeling of comedy brotherhood.

[456] You know, and that's really what it was.

[457] It's like we have like a comedy brotherhood.

[458] And we really genuinely like each other, love each other, and want each other to succeed and are happy when each other succeeds.

[459] That's the one thing that's missing in our group is that weird comic neurosis that often exists where people can't be happy with other people.

[460] success bitter bitter like narcissistic or bitter kind of like damaged like islands that's what you'd get a lot with like stand -up comedy well it's they haven't been told man it's it's like it's like learning jiu -jitsu wrong or learning to play the guitar wrong you haven't been told the way to manage your mind and what you what you don't realize is that even though you are separate from other people you're really not and you get something from them positive or negative and that affects you and if you can generate positive feelings and other people then you will get more positive feeling in your own life you know it's really weird i'm reading this book called um the sociopath next door written by this Harvard psychiatrist you're talking about that where they were saying some frightening numbers sociopaths we were just you were just talking about connection and how important it is and and the feeling you get from when you move other people and then you and you get in and you get moved from other people and most of us who are normal we get this sociopaths they don't even get that from their own children they don't even get like they could be very successful but they don't get any satisfaction out of being you know getting the adulation the only thing that they usually get pleasure from is winning and controlling other people's reactions isn't that wild so the idea is you whatever they can do power over people is what gets them off and winning that's the only thing that gives them the satisfaction because they can dominate.

[461] I think we know comics like that.

[462] There are a lot of people like that.

[463] I think we know one, at least.

[464] And the ones, it's usually the ones that are in trouble for being unoriginal.

[465] It's the desire for conquest supersedes everything.

[466] And they really don't have any problem fucking people over.

[467] And that's where it gets really weird.

[468] Every time I've ever fucked anybody over my life, it is left a bad feeling.

[469] Like, we were talking before the show about stealing material.

[470] And I said when I was an open micer, I totally stole.

[471] I stole Greg Fitzsimmons and stuff.

[472] We stole it on purpose.

[473] We spoke about it to each other.

[474] We said, like, dude, if I'm on the road and I'm bombing, I'm doing your shit.

[475] Like, we made agreements with each other.

[476] But even though I told those people his joke, and it wasn't my joke, I still felt like I was full of shit.

[477] And it, like, fucked with me for years.

[478] Do you know what I do every time now I do stand up?

[479] My buddy Sam Brown, who was a great comic daughter, pancreatic cancer about two months ago.

[480] and I was really close to him I knew him for 20 years and he was the first headliner I'd ever seen who would crush he was from Boston and now every show I steal one of his his jokes I just I just it's like my little homage to him I just put it in there I just kind of slide it in just my little like because I know I wrote on his deathbed unfortunately he couldn't talk but his wife read it to him I wrote I said listen man you know you're one of the greatest comics you always made me laugh if there's any way I can have your material I mean you don't need anymore I fucking wrote that And she read it to him, but I don't think he was able to, I don't think he was conscious, but I hope he could hear it, and I hope I made him laugh before he died.

[481] Yeah.

[482] By the way, I recorded two podcasts with him, one, he knew he was dying on my, on my, on my podcast.

[483] So it's pretty, pretty cool, pretty, pretty, pretty moving.

[484] You can do my shit if I die.

[485] I'll do your shit.

[486] I'll always, that's what I want to do for my friends.

[487] I'll send you some of my notes.

[488] He had great, he had great bits, man. He had fucking great bits.

[489] He would talk about smallest dick.

[490] I'll be behind the grid going, dude, no, no. you fucked the order up oh my god i'll screw your jokes up man your jokes would be hard to steal though because like i was watching you this weekend and one of the things i loved was it was almost like you were you were you were because i know a lot of the stuff is new and so so much of it was just you kind of having an experience it's like what i like about your stand -up is you're always kind of having an experience and you're doing it for you and you're working something out and you're looking at how weirdly how weird we are structured as a society our minds are why we do things that make no sense, why contextually something makes sense, but then it doesn't in this case.

[491] And it was so fun to watch because I was like, you know, the comedy is almost secondary to the experience.

[492] Yeah, yeah, it's funny, yes.

[493] But you're almost like, I think I really think people are watching you kind of have your own very authentic and unique experience, verbal experience.

[494] That's what I felt like.

[495] Like I come away with a very different perspective.

[496] It's very inspiring to me because I start writing differently.

[497] Really?

[498] Yeah, when I see you, I go, I, I, I, it's a really nice, it's what I love about, like, having friends that inspire me, which you've always done.

[499] Like, it's just like, you have, that's, that's who your friends should be.

[500] You know, I know you, I have friends that are wonderful that are, I play grab ass with, but then you have friends that are, like, that really inspire you to be better and push you just by their example.

[501] Well, they make you better.

[502] They make you better.

[503] They make you know.

[504] You make me better.

[505] Good.

[506] I like hearing that.

[507] Unquestionably.

[508] We all make each other better.

[509] You always, you have, your bar has always been, oh, I don't know, how.

[510] to describe where you place the bar but I always would watch you and I've seen you at your best I've seen you when your shit is fucking so tight and you're just a machine gun like I remember when you were younger I'd never seen you did something to a crowd in New York I remember was I was with patty Jenkins you were a fucking machine gun it was like literally these New Yorkers like all these comics got them and then Joe Rogan gets up and it was literally like we were like looking at each other going what the fuck is what the fun is this and it was what it was was somebody who had never taken a day off and had only been working on being as authentic with their experience.

[511] And what a lot of people don't know about your early stuff is you were so good at impressions.

[512] You did all of it.

[513] It was funny but really truth.

[514] So for me it was just literally like a fucking tsunami.

[515] We were like, Jesus Christ, that's how you do stand -up.

[516] That's how you do it.

[517] Good luck anybody trying to follow that fucking ball of fucking energy because you just come on like it.

[518] There were certain bits that I couldn't follow myself.

[519] I had to do them last.

[520] were so physical like muscular but really flexible like you do weird shit like fall into the splits i remember one time we had a meeting remember we were pitching a tv show and we're sitting on the couch and it's like i think it was with eric tanenbaum and like big producers and you go and and we were talking about martial arts and you go yeah i'm flexible too and you go yeah but you can't do this and you grabbed your ankles and fucking pull them up you did the splits in the air and we were all like what the fuck is that what is that he's like made a rubber and you used to bring that shit to the stage and it's just it's just really wild to watch you kind of continue to grow and change your expression you know well you you just keep adding information to the to the to the pile you keep adding your your learned experiences so if you're still into it and uh you know you don't diminish your focus my focus is a real wrestling match because like i you know like uh in stephen pressfield's books it talks about distractions and and different things at you and I do I will I certainly battle with those things but I also battle with other things that I enjoy like you know what he calls distractions like that I think make me better I think the better I get at pool this seems really strange but the better I am at comedy and right now I've never been better at comedy and I've never been better at pool like I've got this weird thing going on where I can I can tune in to it's it's to me it seems to be about tuning in to whatever the fuck I'm trying to do, whether it's jujitsu, whether it's pool, whatever, but it's stand -up comedy, but I have to have that same sort of intensity and energy.

[521] And if I dwindle, if I drop below a certain level, I can't rely on my learned experiences with stand -up.

[522] I can't rely on the past.

[523] I have to constantly be maintaining a certain amount of current interest in writing new stuff.

[524] That's what I was going to say is, well, what I think the secret to your success is, and I always try to tell people this, because people get very frustrated and discouraged by the process of accomplishment, because there's so many plateaus, and you're always, always, like, a lot of people, well, this didn't work out, and I'm not good at it.

[525] And I'll just say this to everybody, because I've been pretty successful, and I have people come up to me, and they, you know, when you do a show, they want to take pictures, and they look at you as a success in this business.

[526] And you, being one of my closest friends, you had a critique of my recent.

[527] and special on Showtime, which I wasn't very happy with.

[528] But what was great about it is you said, hey, Brian, you could be a great, you could be way better than you are.

[529] Now, I shot a fucking Showtime special.

[530] A lot of people like, whoa, you shot a special, I'm not working on my second.

[531] But you said, you're putting a little too much English on the ball, okay?

[532] A little too slick, playing around.

[533] And what that does, and of course I know that.

[534] It's a trick.

[535] Of course, I know that.

[536] I've done it.

[537] I look back at my old stuff where I did that.

[538] It's the grossest feeling of all time.

[539] But that's okay, because what it means is that no matter where you are in your career, you've always got to be assessing.

[540] You've always got to be taking yourself to task and kind of taking a look at yourself objectively and going, I got to work a little harder.

[541] I'm watching my last special that I edited.

[542] It's the best shit I've ever done and I can't even watch it.

[543] I was like, oh, I look so stupid.

[544] I can't watch me. I fucking talk too much.

[545] Even when I stumble through like one, I'll fuck up the one word, you know, one, I'll have one little stumble in there and it's just like watching a puppy get hit with a hammer the first time the first time i saw myself on camera was when i was a wrestler and i was 14 and i walked out on the mat when i and i used to think i was the baddest guy on the planet i looked at this video and i went well where's who's the who the fuck is the kid with rickets this fuck is that it was me i've never been more devastated i was like i'm that skinny in a singlet i'm never wrestling again i'll go out in the burqa before i fucking go out in a singlet that's that's a that's a Hunt.

[546] That's a horrible.

[547] My buddy wrote a book, which I told you, you should have them on your podcast.

[548] His name is Hunter Mott's.

[549] He wrote a book called a straight -A conspiracy.

[550] He speaks 10 languages fluently this kid.

[551] He graduated from Harbor with a biochemistry degree.

[552] Okay.

[553] And I said, why did you write the book?

[554] He said, well, I said, how do you learn 10 languages fluently?

[555] And he's fluent.

[556] And he said, oh, it's because I know I can do it.

[557] And everybody who learns languages or math thinks they can't because they have an emotional context around it.

[558] That's all.

[559] And I went, What does that mean?

[560] He said, I'm writing a book about it.

[561] I'll tell you about it later.

[562] I had him on my podcast.

[563] He wrote a book called The Straight A Conspiracy.

[564] And if you look at all the science around learning, which he did, one of the things that they find for sure is that people have these myths about themselves.

[565] I'm not a math person.

[566] I am a math person.

[567] I'm artistic.

[568] I'm not artistic.

[569] I'm musical.

[570] I'm not musical.

[571] If you actually look at the science that's being done about learning and why some people are very good at some things and others are not, I'm talking broad scope here.

[572] what you find is that the emotional context with which they learn something has everything to do with whether or not they're going to excel at that, everything.

[573] So in other words, whatever emotional state you approach learning something, growing at something, means everything.

[574] It's what it's all about.

[575] If you are in a pleasant environment where somebody makes it fun for you, okay, you're going to learn it.

[576] Why are a lot of Asian people, so the stereotype goes like Chinese people, good at math, and a lot of Americans aren't.

[577] I'll tell you why.

[578] If you read Malcolm Gladwell's book, The Outliers on my buddy's book, Straight at Conspiracy, it has to do with a culture that says, well, yeah, this math problem's really hard, and I guess I'll be here for the next two and a half hours.

[579] Americans are like, I'm not going to sit here for two and a half hours.

[580] I got shit to do.

[581] This is fucking really hard.

[582] Guess what?

[583] Not a math person.

[584] And then your parents go, yeah, he's not good at math.

[585] Isn't it fascinating, though, that the culture that is, the least inclined to do that hard work is the culture that has the best art well we also have the best math and science surprisingly because we have just competition too and the competition's fierce and the possibilities are pretty intense I also happen to believe that that is the reason we're so good at art and things is because it is we place emphasis on the individual it's your individual expression is what you can benefit from and we have freedom to do it you can't be expressive right imagine having your podcast in Russia?

[586] Well, I can't even imagine having my podcast in America in a few years.

[587] That's what's really a problem.

[588] What's really a problem is the more you get shit like this National Defense Authorization Act, the more of these different laws are passed that slowly but surely take away your right to say certain things.

[589] They just outlawed protest at military funerals.

[590] The government has recently reinstated propaganda.

[591] They're allowed now, they haven't been since the 1940s, to actively use propaganda on the American people.

[592] That's legal now.

[593] And all this shit is going on while the internet is growing, while people's access to information is just flying at them.

[594] It's like this desperate last clawing attempt at a dying culture to hold on to power.

[595] And it's disgusting.

[596] It's disgusting that anybody would ever allow the government to use propaganda, meaning mislead, lie, and distort the truth for the public in order to emphasize their point, that you would give that power to the government is so beyond sick.

[597] But as long as you realize that that is always going to be the case and that you have to always be aware of that.

[598] The problem is that it's happening, though.

[599] The problem is that it's a trend, it's happening, and it takes a lot to stop a trend.

[600] It takes a lot to back it up.

[601] You know why?

[602] How do you stop it?

[603] You write to your representative?

[604] I mean, what happens after a while is I start to feel.

[605] like I'm not represented.

[606] I start to feel like if I'm not a corporation with a lot of money to buy lobbyists, I don't have a way of influencing my government.

[607] For example, New York Times wrote an article recently about I travel a lot as to you.

[608] And when you walk through the two boxes where you put your feet and you...

[609] Yeah, you put your hands up here.

[610] Yeah, I'm not talking about the phone that goes around you.

[611] I'm talking about the two boxes you walk through.

[612] Well, that's radiation.

[613] And in New York Times wrote an article, and it was about a week ago, if you guys want to look it up, about the fact that they actually aren't too sure how much radiation you're getting.

[614] They think it might be one -tenth of a chest x -ray, in some cases.

[615] More importantly, they don't maintain them as well.

[616] They had some crazy number of maintenance requests, many of which were not met.

[617] You're putting your trust into the TSA.

[618] They're probably good people doing the best they can, and in some ways they do a great job.

[619] But the fact that I didn't know that I was being blasted with radiation, no matter how small, not doing it.

[620] I don't do that.

[621] I have them pat me down.

[622] Did anybody ever get creepy with you when you asked for a pat -down?

[623] I was hoping they would, but they didn't.

[624] Not to mean creepy sexually.

[625] No, no, they don't have to be.

[626] Because Graham Hancock, who's a guy who I've found on the podcast before he's from England, he came to America and he didn't trust the radiation of the machine.

[627] He said they violently almost assaulted him.

[628] Oh, really?

[629] Yeah, he said it was very rape -like.

[630] They grabbed his cock, like the whole deal.

[631] No, they were really polite to me, actually.

[632] They went, all right, no problem, you know.

[633] I think it's, you know, who you get.

[634] you know, you might get some guy who doesn't like English people, you know, dude has an accent.

[635] He's like, I'm not going to go through there.

[636] I'm actually impressed with the TSA and how professional a lot of them are.

[637] I'm actually impressed with how courteous.

[638] You're such a fucking Fox News contrarian.

[639] I would have known that you were going to say that.

[640] If we brought up, what about TSA?

[641] You know what?

[642] Actually, statistically, the TSA.

[643] Because I like everybody.

[644] I have no like a result.

[645] By the way, just for the record, everybody, I violate all my rules in the show.

[646] I don't believe as an actor.

[647] I should be talking about anything.

[648] including politics, but I can't help it.

[649] I'm like, anyway.

[650] As an actor, how would you say as an actor?

[651] I mean, as a comic, as a comic.

[652] You're a comic.

[653] If you're a comic, you should be able to, you know that ridiculous idea that you should be able to talk about anything except religion or politics?

[654] Well, that alone is just like a cry or a call, rather, to a middling state of mind.

[655] Well, the bummer is that every time I...

[656] To a non -communication, you know?

[657] And I think if you're not politically committed to some extent, then it's at your own peril.

[658] If everybody wants to be ignorant about what's...

[659] going on in their world and politics, then good luck trying to change anything.

[660] And more importantly, good luck being able to see what's happening before it does.

[661] Most people don't have the fucking time, man. That's part of the problem.

[662] Most people have lives.

[663] They have jobs and children and all that other stuff that goes along with them, hobbies.

[664] You have time to develop a philosophy.

[665] You don't have to worry about the minutiae, but you have, you should have time to.

[666] My point is that what you were saying earlier is that they don't feel like they're being represented so they don't feel like their efforts put into it have any great reward.

[667] You know, they don't, they feel like completely, there's a lot of people, I think a good percentage, more than half, that feel completely alienated from the system.

[668] And that's a conservative estimate.

[669] If you say that half the people in this country feel alienated from the system, that's a failing system, no matter how you look at it.

[670] And the problem is people don't feel rewarded for investing in a failing system.

[671] When a guy like Obama gets the Nobel Peace Prize and then sends 30 ,000 more fucking troops to Afghanistan, and everybody's like, Jesus Christ, man. Like, what kind of system is this?

[672] Who would have, who would have said that that's okay?

[673] Who would have wanted their sons to go?

[674] Who would want of their brother to go?

[675] Get the fuck out of here.

[676] That's nonsense.

[677] That's craziness.

[678] But yet it's happening.

[679] So we don't feel represented.

[680] I bet you, I wonder if Obama himself feels a lot of ways like a listless play thing.

[681] I wonder.

[682] You know what I mean?

[683] Like somebody, I bet you his biggest complaint is the fact that he doesn't have any power at all.

[684] I bet you that he makes it, well, he knows that if he's, makes one decision, he's going to appease 50 % of the people and piss off the other 50%.

[685] I mean, it's got to be a strange job.

[686] If you just stop and think about who you are before you become president, if you take out all the nonsense, the tinfoil hat stuff about the Illuminati running things, and let's just pretend for a brief moment that maybe elections are real, okay?

[687] And maybe Obama is just a regular dude who became a senator, who's a regular dude, who ran for president, who activated a big, well -spray.

[688] of hope in this people and then they put him into office and then once he gets in there then he has to deal with these international banks he has to deal with things like haliburton he has to deal with people like dick cheney rumsfeld think about all the people that were in power before him think about all the people that he has to communicate with think about all the shit that went down in that office think about all the people that died all over the world because of the actions of the group of people he replaced and think about what that must feel like to step into those shoes and then all of a sudden you realize you are at the helm of a murder machine you are at the helm of a thing that is in every single part of the world not only that it's also a huge octopus that is not being run by one particular no it's being one it's being pilfered by a bunch of different interests but they're profiting like massive massive amounts on war Boeing and Raytheon and all those companies that have that make a lot of money off of what what they what Eisenhower called the industrial military industrial and so as a say as a president do you feel like you know when you get in there you just slowly try to put on the brakes I mean how much control does a guy have because it doesn't seem like much I think much from Bush to Obama at all and in fact they cracked down on secrecy issues and cracked down on prosecuting people for leaking information and Obama was was very very much about the drone program special forces he made a joke about using the drones if someone tried to date his daughters.

[689] He made a joke in one of those, you know what they do is one of those functions where he does one -liners?

[690] Obama got up there and he made a joke about if you were dating his daughters, he has one word for you, drones.

[691] Jesus.

[692] Yeah.

[693] Well, that's kind of funny, but not when you're the president.

[694] That's not when thousands of civilians have been murdered by drones.

[695] Thousands of innocent civilians.

[696] I don't know what the number is now, but it was in the thousands.

[697] Someone sent me all the statistics on Twitter.

[698] They've killed a lot of bad guys.

[699] But again, it was what we were talking about with factory farming.

[700] When you have people in Nevada and Florida who go to a room and they kill people who are a thousand miles away via, you know, camera and with these drones.

[701] Think about that.

[702] My joke was the war hero in 20 years is going to be the chubby guy with huge thumb muscles and smells like Doritos and weed, right?

[703] Yeah.

[704] He's a gamer.

[705] He's being hooked up on alpha brain.

[706] There is a psychological component when you're removing yourself from the actual, you know, when you're a Marine, you're drawing a bead, you're shooting a guy and, you know, you're running and you're, and you see the guy die as if when you're in a room in your country and you go home after operating these drones and killing whatever it might be, maybe it's one person, maybe 25, whatever it is, or you drop a thousand pound bomb on, or shoot a hellfire missile, whatever comes out of those things.

[707] That's kind of really, that's, that raises a lot of questions.

[708] It raises a lot of questions when we're this removed from the actual experience of killing.

[709] And what we were talking about earlier, it's all connected.

[710] The sociopath does not have that feeling of connection and only feels pleasure when they win.

[711] And what is war, but completely sociopathic behavior?

[712] And what is friendship other than non -sociopathic behavior?

[713] The connection that you get with people being the most important thing.

[714] We were talking about when we're doing this podcast that we've created an environment.

[715] We've created a, it's not as simple as this is a show.

[716] It's a bunch of people tuning into this show.

[717] and getting like a positive thing out of it and having conversations like this and these conversations take place in their head and they experience it they learn from it they it gives them hope it gives them a mindset that they can they can accomplish something with it gives them a you know how many fucking people i've had come up to me go dude since i've listened to your podcast i've lost 70 pounds i start drinking kale shakes they come to me every fucking show it's incredible it's also it's also important when you have a debate and we have a discussion like we do to to actually take look at the where to place the focus.

[718] For example, a lot of people say, well, the military is doing, well, the military, there are a lot of people in the military who are carrying out these, who are doing these things that never agreed with the war in the first place.

[719] I mean, we have a civilian government that controls the military that makes these decisions for the military, the military just carries out orders.

[720] That's how our government works.

[721] The military has a job to do.

[722] If you send them into a war zone, they're going to get the job done.

[723] and a lot of guys I mean I know I went to Afghanistan but I know enough people in the armed forces a lot of men in the armed forces and women have an ideology that they believe in it's this country it's the things that they'll do and they come in their loyal servants they risk their fucking lives and they go do their job and a lot of them get maimed they lose their arms they lose their friends and everything else I think that when you start to look at how this war has gone over the past 11 years and I'm talking about Afghanistan and Iraq you've got to be you've got to be very very conscientious about not only how this really started, who were the architects, who was the intellectual force, who was the argument behind it, how did this happen, how did this turn into a huge snowball?

[724] And the reason you should know about that is because your lives and other people's lives depend on it in the future.

[725] Yeah, we just don't feel like they do now.

[726] We'll get ourselves into another situation.

[727] You know, my buddy...

[728] It's not weird, though.

[729] That's what's really going on.

[730] I'm sorry?

[731] It's not we're going to get ourselves into another situation.

[732] somebody else is going to do it well my buddy um my buddy i think i put it on on red bands uh thing but on best squad but my buddy who i interviewed who's a special forces guy who was a real a real i don't know what he does but i know he's very much involved and he was the baddest guy i ever knew growing up and he said he was he just said about the war effort he watched what's happening he's been in iraq for i guess seven years and he said iraq is a country now we've created a mini saddam and this guy molokie he is now he's a shiite he is guy police squads that report directly to him.

[733] So what we go into Iraq, there's this notion that while he's got the fourth largest army in the world, we've got to stop him from, you know, dropping a weapon in al -Qaeda's hands, there's the arguments and stuff.

[734] What we've done in some ways, if you look at Iraq with the exception of Kurdistan and stuff, is that we've really destroyed that country.

[735] A lot of people are dead, and we've put into place somebody who is keeping his people or has a potential of keeping his people in the same kind of oppression technically as Saddam did.

[736] Now, what is the objective?

[737] What are we doing?

[738] Was this worth it?

[739] Was it worth it worth all those people?

[740] Was it worth all those soldiers didn't come back?

[741] And many more who were wounded, that's the question.

[742] And more importantly, what lessons can be learned?

[743] What do we have to learn from Iraq and Afghanistan?

[744] What do we have to learn so we don't get ourselves into the situation again?

[745] Sometimes war is inevitable, man. It is.

[746] That wasn't an inevitable one.

[747] That was one that we got tricked into.

[748] Okay.

[749] I mean, what we have to realize is...

[750] How do we not get tricked the next time?

[751] We have the internet now.

[752] I think we have a completely different sort of playing field than what existed back when Bush and Cheney dragged us into the Iraq war.

[753] I think the internet has evolved far past where it is.

[754] That's why things like WikiLeaks are so terrifying to the powers it be.

[755] It's real hard to get away with shit.

[756] Even with the internet, though, there's so much countervailing information too.

[757] Like you get one argument and you get another.

[758] Yeah, but that's just debate.

[759] I'm talking about straight information.

[760] I think that the access to information is ultimately.

[761] changed the world that we live in and it's happening so quickly and these kind of conversations really weren't commonplace when we were kids when we were 16 and 17 our parents weren't having these kind of conversations they just weren't it's a it's a different world we know more about how things work and because of that it makes it harder and harder to accomplish fuckery still going still going on right now but ultimately it's got to die off in order for us to have you know any sort of religion society.

[762] We're going to have to evolve past that and realize just as you and I realize as friends and as members of our community that it's not necessary.

[763] And that kind of energy that you put out to control people and to profit from other people's losses is totally non -beneficial to you as well.

[764] Just because you're pulling it off under the guise of a corporation doesn't mean that you are immune to the negative rebound of that because you're not.

[765] you want to call it karma you want to call it what goes around comes around whatever you want to call it it's real okay i have experienced it i am walking proof of it my whole life is proof of it i i have been i've the the negative things that i've ever done in my life i have felt in great deep detail and rebounded as much as possible to turn that terrible feeling into positive energy and that is why I've been a happy person my whole life but but do you think that's because because I always wonder I try to help people a friend of mine who's going through a tough time now and I realize that one of the reasons that he's going through a hard time is he's not in any way actually really confronted and asked himself what he wants yeah you can't you can't get a guy to do that though but but don't you think that that's a symptom that's a system is the fact that you've already you've always been able to see in technical or what you wanted and what you wanted to be, or is that...

[766] Well, you know what it is.

[767] First of all, it's just pressing forward.

[768] That's constant.

[769] That constant need to write new shit, to do different things, that constant need to be in motion.

[770] The constant need to be doing something, whether it's doing Jiu -Jitsu or playing pool or writing more jokes or getting on stage, that forward momentum, that is a constant.

[771] That is the reason why I've done everything.

[772] That's like passion, right?

[773] Yeah, yeah.

[774] Yeah, and you can transfer it, it's like the Miomoto Masashi quote.

[775] Once you understand the way broadly, you can see it in all things.

[776] It's like the idea that once you lock on to what it is to really focus and get good at something, then you can care.

[777] But it's also that it's really satisfying to accomplish things.

[778] It's really satisfying to write things.

[779] It's really satisfying to do shows.

[780] I've been taking, I don't know even know why I did it, but I've always wanted to play the drums.

[781] So I've been taking drums for a year now.

[782] It's actually changed not only my comedy, but my sports.

[783] like I pick up on shit really fast now because with the drums I'm having to do something one thing with my foot one thing with this hair one thing with this one of this so my brain is firing it's firing so it's changed the way I read it's changed the way I do stand up it's really wild it's a really good mental and I'm listening differently I'm never going to be in a band by the way right but you're just enjoying it I'm just enjoying I love that I think that's very important to life and I think a lot of people like there's like a lot of people that have falsely rewarded being a lazy cunt and like you'd rather just sit in front of the TV chill with them beers watch TV let me tell you something this is the real reality of life if you don't earn something you won't appreciate it it's why people win the lottery and they lose all their money within a year when you earn something you appreciate it it is it is a golden steadfast rule of life and if you're laying around on the couch watching TV and you haven't done anything to deserve that.

[784] It doesn't feel good.

[785] It doesn't feel good.

[786] It doesn't.

[787] You feel like a fucking loser.

[788] But when I do something, like if I write and I blast out like three or four hours are really good shit and I'm like, ah, yes, I feel good.

[789] I feel fired up.

[790] I can't wait to do a show.

[791] I can go watch TV and I can enjoy it.

[792] I can go watch Mountain Men and I enjoy watching these fucking guys.

[793] Here's what I think is really like works for me is I go, I sit down and I go like this.

[794] I go, what do I want to do?

[795] and what am I going to regret not doing when I'm 90?

[796] I say to myself, I go, what do I really want to do?

[797] And I go, and what do I want to do in three months or six months and stuff like that?

[798] And then I literally, I structure my day, and I think you can do this, no matter who you are.

[799] You structure your day, so you go, you wake up every morning, you go, what action, just one action, maybe two actions, whatever.

[800] What action can I take today just to get a little closer to that goal?

[801] I just want it just to get a little closer.

[802] Whatever, whatever it is.

[803] You know, maybe it's 20 minutes of practicing your takedowns or whatever it might be.

[804] I want to get my black button jujitsu.

[805] I want to be able to play drums in a band.

[806] I want to, you know, whatever it might be.

[807] I want to be able to speak a language, you know.

[808] What the fuck's calling me during my podcast, God damn it?

[809] It's Brian Red Band.

[810] Maybe he's called and tell me that the show's down.

[811] Hey, boo, you're live on the air.

[812] His mic's out?

[813] It's really quiet.

[814] Well, he keeps backing up.

[815] That's what it is.

[816] Yeah.

[817] Sorry, guys.

[818] Oh, really?

[819] Yeah, you can't be talking back.

[820] They're all casual, bitch.

[821] Okay, I got to get in.

[822] Thanks, Brian.

[823] This is technical.

[824] information delivered via telephone, ladies and gentlemen.

[825] Brian Redband on the scene.

[826] Follow him, Redband on Twitter.

[827] All right, buddy.

[828] And me, Brian Callan, at Brian Callan on Twitter.

[829] I respond to all my Twitters.

[830] By the way, what were we talking about before the phone, right?

[831] I wasn't saying any very important, probably.

[832] But this idea that we were talking about before, of community, of all influencing each other in a positive way, that gets lost in big numbers.

[833] And the problem is we could have a great tribe of like 50 people and keep it together and have the most awesome utopia you know what as i've heard boulder described boulder's like a really small mountain community but it's so small it's like it really almost is like a functional working utopia but i think that we could do that it's possible to do that as a country we just have to get more people in tune to thinking correctly and most people are just never taught how to think they're never taught that they can manage their consciousness.

[834] They've never been taught that there are patterns that a mind can go down that's self -destructive, completely self -destructive, and also totally unnecessary.

[835] And you have to learn, like, all the times I've blown my cool for nothing, and still do.

[836] I mean, I might be in my car.

[837] Retard!

[838] And hit the horn and fucking pass somebody.

[839] It was just so pointless.

[840] So stupid.

[841] I freaked out today at the airport.

[842] And it's almost always a sign that I'm doing too much.

[843] It's always a sign of some sort of external stress.

[844] it's affecting, you know, whatever it is it.

[845] But when you can see that, if you can see that, and if you can go in the right direction, if we could fucking influence a giant group of people to go in the right direction, then you really can change something.

[846] Well, that starts with individuals, but that starts with individuals really asking themselves what they want.

[847] It starts with inspiration.

[848] It doesn't always start with individuals asking themselves what they want.

[849] Sometimes it starts with inspiration where you realize there's no, there's no difference between them and me. They were losers too.

[850] I've been a loser.

[851] I have been a fucking failure in my life, hardcore.

[852] Like when people, I've had people say, like, did you have a bomb on stage?

[853] I'm like, oh my Christ, did I bomb?

[854] I bombed so hard.

[855] I've bombed so hard where no one who ever watched me that day would have ever thought that I could ever be funny.

[856] Ever.

[857] You know, I had a girl send me a short film.

[858] her name is diana and uh and she sent me a film uh and and she wrote it was she wrote uh basically a movie a short film about her experience with a guy on a date and the guy was me she never told me but she sent it to me and i and all the lines the guy was making saying were the lines i had said to her and let me tell you something man i called her up and i went diana i go i'm so sorry i was such a fucking arrogant prick i was such a dick because i didn't understand you were a woman and I had a projected notion of what you were what you thought and I thought I was so much smarter than you were and you were looking at me like I was a guinea pig in a fucking maze like like a like a rat in a maze like literally like look at this monkey talk to me like I'm an idiot trying to fuck me yeah exactly and he's just hit me with all these things and he's just a dick literally I looked at it I was just appalled I was appalled at who I was and it's just because I didn't know any better I just didn't I had preconceived notions of what women were, preconceived notions of how they thought, preconceived notions of what a man was supposed to be.

[859] Well, they're all fucked up.

[860] By the time you get to your 20s and, you know, you're having experiences with women, these are not, first of all, social experiences when you're involving people that are sexually attracted to each other are very complicated.

[861] They're very awkward.

[862] There's plenty of room for misunderstanding.

[863] There's plenty of room for offending people, putting out bad vibes, being too forward, being too.

[864] You know, hey, it's a very strange sort of a situation anyway.

[865] So we're not good at navigating it, you know?

[866] And we, you know, when you're young especially, you'll say the dumbest fucking shit.

[867] And most of the time, you fucking hate yourself after it's over.

[868] You don't, you know, you didn't want to do that.

[869] It's just, it's like you being thrown in a major leg baseball game and someone telling you to hit that ball.

[870] That fucking thing's flying at me. That's exactly right.

[871] You're really not prepared for that extreme experience.

[872] There's no manual for life.

[873] Well, not only that.

[874] I mean, how much did your fucking parent?

[875] I don't know how much your parents taught you, but how much did your parents teach you about dating?

[876] Nothing.

[877] Tiro!

[878] I was just talking about that with my son.

[879] I was like, I didn't really, I wasn't really taught the women, the complexity of the female psyche.

[880] I'm definitely going to have to have a talk with my son about that, but yeah.

[881] Oh, yeah.

[882] That's going to be, I mean, that's, that's, it's so important to try to actually raise a kid that can understand what's, what's next on the horizon.

[883] Give them, like, a little heads up of like, what this is what I went through so this is probably that that would fucking help a lot also when it comes to dating my fucking parents didn't give me any dating advice also because you have you're also given a very weird archetypal notion of what masculinity is too like that's also like being what I didn't even know what a man to find was it was difficult I had an example what's to everybody it's different you know I mean what it a man is a person who does this is what I believe a man is a person who does what he wants and what makes him happy as long as he's not hurting other people and who actually follows through and does what he wants, as opposed to someone who's bitch.

[884] Let me tell you something.

[885] If you're a gay guy, okay, and you're not out there blowing guys because you're worried about what other people think, you're somebody's bitch.

[886] Whether you realize it or not.

[887] You're the bitch of all the prejudice people that want to stop people from being gay.

[888] And if you're a man, you'll go out there and suck some cock.

[889] That's reality.

[890] That's true.

[891] Because that's what life is.

[892] What I like, you probably don't.

[893] But it's my right to like what I like.

[894] And being a man is going after what you like.

[895] And if you want to fucking take the easy way out and take some job that you know you can do instead of pursue a career in writing books or pursue a career racing horses.

[896] Whatever the fuck you're compelled to?

[897] Steve, Steven Pressfield and Going Pro had the best example.

[898] He said, you may have your degree in comparative literature.

[899] You may have a PhD in comparative literature and teach comparative literature, but guess what?

[900] You should have written a novel.

[901] So that's just a form of high -tech procrastination.

[902] You know, so you're right.

[903] I mean, it's really a question of going for what you want.

[904] And, you know, a real man can be a guy who fights in the cage or a guy who who's a nurse in a fucking hospital you know yes whatever it is that you're doing whatever you're supposed to do wherever you're supposed to place your energy giving helping and growing yeah that's that's what we need to teach kids and that's there's no there's no there's no better or worse if you're supposed to be a carpenter that's what if you really enjoy i have a buddy who's a carpenter back home and he's fucking loves it he loves buildings he loves the art of putting together a great room he loves it when it's done he loves that he can You look in this room and it's all mapped out.

[905] You're following the architect's plans.

[906] You're laying down things.

[907] The next thing you know, three months later, whatever it is, look what the fucking awesome kitchen you guys just built.

[908] Holy shit.

[909] Like, he gets a deep feeling of satisfaction from that.

[910] And he makes a good living.

[911] He's got a good company doing that.

[912] But it's because that's what he's passionate about.

[913] It's because he actually enjoys his work.

[914] And it doesn't matter if it's that or if it's being in a fucking band.

[915] Or if it's, you know, being a stand -up or whatever it is.

[916] If you don't follow that shit, that's when you're, you're, you're, you're, fucking yourself man our dear friend sam sheridan said uh he goes i was talking about how i want i was watching ufc every time i watched a little part of me dies because i want to be a fighter no you don't no i know but that's what he said he goes brian he goes brian you are supposed to and i've always been supposed to be a stand -up comic dude you found what you're supposed to do you you were not supposed to be a fighter or anything else do you remember when you weren't doing comedy yeah i remember you told me you go you're missing out on the best thing in the world what are you doing i got back into it because of you but i also i I remember watching Dane Cook back in the day, and I was like, that dude is crushing a room, and I got to get back into this.

[917] You wanted to crush.

[918] I just loved it.

[919] I was like, I'm watching him have so much fun.

[920] Why did you stop?

[921] I don't know, because I'm crazy.

[922] Well, you weren't doing real stand -up when I first met you.

[923] When I first met you -I couldn't get spots, and I was like, fuck it, and I was trying to be an actor.

[924] We first started hanging out.

[925] You had this act that was like you had taken every alternative act that you saw and tried to duplicate it.

[926] And I remember talking about it going, that isn't even you, man. What are you doing?

[927] You're going up there, and you're doing what these fucking weirdo, judgmental, like, dorks want you to do.

[928] Like, you're doing what you think they're going to enjoy from you.

[929] That's what's so satisfying to me now, especially about the stuff I'm doing now.

[930] You're being yourself.

[931] This weekend at the American Comedy Club.

[932] San Diego.

[933] Amazing club, by the way.

[934] And it's filled with great comedy.

[935] If you're living in San Diego, San Diego finally has, like, a real comedy club.

[936] And in Chicago, August 23rd.

[937] They have national headliners there every weekend.

[938] The Comedy Store in La Jolla is a great club, but you could get fucked there, and they could send down one of those old school headliners from, like, the 1970s that has written a joke in a hundred years and doesn't work anywhere else other than the comedy store.

[939] They'll send those down to La Jolla on occasion.

[940] I don't know if they're still doing that, but back of the day, you would look at the lineup and go, oh my God, no, that's the headliner?

[941] No!

[942] You almost wanted to, like, call the people and go, please, just stay home.

[943] Because that show would be so bad, they would never want to go see stand -up comedy again.

[944] No, and it's true, as you get older, and if you're trying to be a real, trying to do something, what happens, I think what's supposed to happen is you become a comic is you start stripping away, all that other stuff, and more and more of who you really are is kind of expressed.

[945] That's what's so satisfying to me, you know?

[946] Yeah, for sure, man. You're learning how to talk on stage.

[947] Yeah.

[948] Instead of, you were just like, you were, when I first met you, you were doing this fake thing.

[949] Pulling rabbits out of hats.

[950] And then you became just this, like, really silly guy.

[951] It was like really silly.

[952] But I was always weirded out by the fact that you were so silly, but then we would have these deep, fucking intense conversations.

[953] And I was like, where's that on stage?

[954] And then I thought about it.

[955] I'm like, well, you know, that's a choice.

[956] Like, that's an artistic thing.

[957] Like, look at Headberg, one of my favorite comics ever.

[958] And, you know, there's no message in that.

[959] It was all silliness.

[960] And there's nothing wrong with that.

[961] I'm a silly goose.

[962] There's a large part of me that's always, I can't help.

[963] But it's funny that you're so intense often.

[964] It's like there's a real balance to that.

[965] And it's a good quality that you have that it's missing in a lot of men.

[966] Would they somehow another equate weakness with silly?

[967] You know?

[968] Yeah, because I don't think, I think the biggest mistake a man can make is taking himself seriously.

[969] Yes.

[970] Don't take yourself too seriously, man. There's always somebody faster, stronger, funny, or better, smarter.

[971] Just do only what you can do.

[972] And always, don't be afraid to fucking take the pressure off yourself, man. Don't be afraid to kind of just make funny yourself.

[973] There's nothing wrong with it.

[974] There's a lot of power in that.

[975] You, yeah, you don't understand that when you try to not take the hits, that the rebounds double, triple the effect.

[976] Because you're not learning.

[977] You're not only are you not taking the hit, but you're not learning from the hit because every time you take the hit It makes you better you got to take the hit emotionally you got to take the hit psychologically You got to take the hit with your ego you got to fucking fail in life It's an important ingredient to success the other thing that I don't you agree I 100 % agree with that The 100 % and the other thing that the the other thing that the the way as you were talking I was thinking about the other thing you get from it Which is when when you take when you allow yourself to be a a little bit of a silly goose or you allow yourself to be vulnerable or whatever it is yeah and make fun of yourself what'll happen is that people around you feel safer yes and what they'll do is they won't be on their guard because a lot of times we come at a situation if you come out a situation from a power angle or whatever that person's guard will go up immediately and you won't see who they really are well think about this how disappointing is it when you meet someone and you have like a level of agulation for them you you know you're they're famous you're you're fan and they're a dick the rebound is stunning it's stunning and hurtful i mean it's it's incredible yeah but on the other side when you approach someone and they're like really normal and nice what a warm feeling that is what like because you're coming at them in an unfair way it's like we had burke chrycher on the ice house chronicles and he was talking about his experience with jean simmons and apparently he did that show the x -show and jean simmons was a fucking complete cunt to him, and Gene Simmons told him not to talk, like, said, yeah, told him he wouldn't be interviewing him, they was going to make this girl interview him, and he was a huge kiss fan before this.

[978] So when this happened, it was completely devastating to Bert, and having Bert relay this, and then having all of us share experiences, like I was talking about, I met Robin Williams last week, but he was like, real normal, like, real nice guy.

[979] But it was still, it was fucking Robin Williams.

[980] You know what I mean?

[981] Like, he didn't have to be normal, he didn't have to be a nice guy.

[982] It could have been weird because when you meet someone like that there's a weird imbalance.

[983] If you're talking to Tom Cruise, I don't care, how many gay jokes you have in the back your head?

[984] You won't, those won't pop in your head when you meet him.

[985] You'd be like, holy shit, I hope you likes me, I want him, but I spent an hour and a half.

[986] I did a reading with him for three hours, and I spent an hour and a half with him at a party, and believe me, I was like, I was like, maybe he'll be my best friend.

[987] And by the way, and by the way, I'm a straight guy, and I think he's straight actually, but I...

[988] Shut your fucking mouth.

[989] But all I know is, I'm looking at, I'm going, he's a really good looking guy.

[990] I was like, If Tom Cruise wanted to, like, he was like, hey, I'll be your best friend you make out with me for 10 minutes.

[991] I'd be like, I got to think about it.

[992] I'd have to think about it because then I could be best friends with him.

[993] Well, I think that is, hold on, hold on.

[994] Would I make out with Tom Cruise?

[995] 1 ,000 % as a stray man. You know why?

[996] Because I'd be able to tell you about it.

[997] Are you fucking kidding?

[998] What?

[999] Yeah.

[1000] For the record, for the record.

[1001] Open mouth.

[1002] I'd be like, Tom, come over here.

[1003] By the way, he's kind of pretty.

[1004] He's kind of pretty.

[1005] So, yes, I would.

[1006] Would you enforce your weight on him a little bit and press him backwards just to make him a little bend to your will a little bit?

[1007] Without question, but I'd also be looking.

[1008] You'd be the first phone call I'd make.

[1009] You'd be the first phone call I'd make.

[1010] I'd go, dude, sit down for a second time.

[1011] I'm a straight man. I bubslapped, and I mean bubslapped for 10 minutes with Tom Cruise.

[1012] And his hands were rolling.

[1013] We can make that happen with John Travolta.

[1014] We just have to put you in the proximity.

[1015] Can't do it.

[1016] You wouldn't do it with John?

[1017] No, no. He's too gay.

[1018] He's gay.

[1019] Yeah, I can't.

[1020] I'm not going to make.

[1021] It's like what my agent sent me a thing to audition for queer as folk, you know, which was that show on Showtime.

[1022] And the first thing was I have to be making out with this guy.

[1023] I was like, listen, call my agent, I go, look, I'm not a homophobe.

[1024] I'm really not.

[1025] And I'm actually in favor of gay marriage and all that.

[1026] I go, but I'm, you got to know who I am.

[1027] I'm Brian Callen and I'm a straight guy.

[1028] And if you think I'm waking up every fucking morning at 6 a .m. And go on a set and making out with some dude, after getting rid of my coffee breath, you're out of your fucking mind.

[1029] And there's not enough money.

[1030] that I would do that with.

[1031] Here's the problem.

[1032] This is one of the reasons why I wouldn't be into doing it.

[1033] It's not that I'm not open -minded, but I don't like watching Guy's Kiss.

[1034] So, I don't want to do a movie where Guy's Kiss, because that's not my kind of movie.

[1035] I'm squeamish about it.

[1036] You wanted me to do a movie where I turned into a werewolf?

[1037] I never saw, I never saw a Brokeback Mountain, actually.

[1038] I saw it.

[1039] It was awesome.

[1040] I had a great five -minute bit about it.

[1041] It's fucking hilarious.

[1042] I laughed through so much of that movie.

[1043] A child, you know why?

[1044] Because I enjoyed it.

[1045] And people were, there was a lot, I had this conversation with somebody like, Like, you know, like, well, you know, it's because of your narrow -minded point of view that you didn't enjoy it.

[1046] I enjoyed the fuck out of it.

[1047] I bet I enjoyed it more than you.

[1048] Yeah.

[1049] Okay, because I enjoyed it as, even if, yes, it is a beautiful love story and it is sad and oddly romantic, it's still also hilarious.

[1050] I enjoyed both aspects of it.

[1051] I'm not close -minded or homophobic, but I enjoyed the love thing that they had going on.

[1052] But I also enjoyed cagling like a fucking school child every time they were kissing each other.

[1053] And you're bitter.

[1054] I remember you were like, two men making out is, in fact, hilarious yeah it's hilarious it's not there's nothing wrong with it being funny it's not like i'm telling you not to do it but if you're telling me there should be less funny in the world you can go fuck yourself exactly and if you're telling me that what you want to do if i think it's funny hurts you i think you're a bitch okay because if you start making fun of having sex with girls yeah i'm not gonna get i'm not feeling's not gonna get hurt like well you're a majority they're a minority get the fuck over it if you like fucking guys you should laugh your ass off when dudes talk about you fucking guys because that's what you enjoy humor is the greatest fucking equalizer speaking of speaking of which you'll kill me but i have to go do the 10 minute podcast 10 minute podcast go fuck itself i know but i got to do it because they're waiting for me i got to be there at 7 yeah you're gonna be late you're gonna be late more i'm already gonna be late they're gonna kill me they'll be fine no they're not i've got to be fine i love we're on the internet man listen we we have to keep the throwing for a little longer i've got to do the 10 minute we have so much to talk about you being an american comedy company in san diego this yes i'll be at the american comedy club comedy company it's american comedy company isn't it that's what it's called right or is it the american comedy club you might be right it's american comedy club at san dieurday friday saturday and i'll be at the chicago improv everybody and if you're caught your ass i'm august 23rd 24th now you're confusing the fuck out of people dude don't know you're right just one right just one it's american comedy company oh it is yes american comedy company i can't wait it's in san diego california is a fucking awesome club It's one of those, like, really low -ceiling, intimate clubs that, you know, like the comedy works in Denver, like the old comedy connection.

[1055] I love the comedy works in Denver.

[1056] Oh, yeah, it's as good as it gets.

[1057] Me and Doug Benson and Brandon Walsh, we were in town in this way, and you there too, at the Paramount.

[1058] And one of the things we're saying, we were walking by the comedy works, like, there's no better club.

[1059] There's never been a better club invented than the comedy works in Denver.

[1060] It's perfect size.

[1061] It's the perfect height.

[1062] Low ceiling.

[1063] Chairs don't move.

[1064] Nobody can move their chair into your foot.

[1065] The chairs are locked in place.

[1066] There's a table in between each chair.

[1067] Sit the fuck down.

[1068] Here's the show.

[1069] Everybody's packed in there.

[1070] The wait staff's awesome.

[1071] The shows are fantastic.

[1072] You walk by the comedy works.

[1073] You look and you see one headliner after another national name after national name.

[1074] And she's an individual.

[1075] She's not like the improv.

[1076] She's not a part of a giant corporation.

[1077] Wendy is the shit.

[1078] She's great.

[1079] I love that lady.

[1080] If you're listening, Wendy, you're the shit.

[1081] You are the best.

[1082] We love you.

[1083] That club is fucking tremendous.

[1084] and she's got another one the landmark one i had such a good time yeah oh yeah well denver is fucking awesome period and the paramount was awesome too and thanks to everybody came out of the show i've always wondered i've always wondered this is going to sound so weird but i've always wondered like what like with a building like that with all that laughter over all those years like i wonder and then you take something terrible like the torture chambers of uh like abu grabe or something that the saddam kept all his people in and stuff i wonder what the composition of that the the walls are i wonder if there's anything that permeate I mean, just hocus pocus bullshit, but I've always wondered if in some ways the material, like of the organic material like the wood would be a different kind of composition than in a torture chamber or something.

[1085] All that positive energy versus all that negative energy, you know, it's kind of a weird thing.

[1086] Message in the Water documentary is about the Japanese guy?

[1087] Is that a fraud?

[1088] It was all bullshit.

[1089] Killed me. It was all fucking horseshit.

[1090] God damn.

[1091] Yeah, I looked into it.

[1092] I was like, oh, you guys were lying to me. in that fucking movie.

[1093] You're fucking liars.

[1094] Yeah.

[1095] Fuck you.

[1096] Who made that movie?

[1097] You fucking liars.

[1098] Well, I know that there's places like the ice house is a perfect example.

[1099] That there's been so much laughter in that place that it feels good going in.

[1100] I don't know if that's my personal association, though, and it very likely could.

[1101] If you led me into that place from the outside blindfolded and I thought I was in a bakery and, you know.

[1102] Well, no, you know what?

[1103] You know what?

[1104] It's all association because my friend, how about this?

[1105] My friend's a surfer.

[1106] Was a competitive surfer, right?

[1107] when when she hears waves for most of us waves are like relaxing her heart starts beating really fast she gets really nervous well yeah that totally makes sense waves waves she gets she gets scared and competitive and she can't relax she's like she's in fight mode yeah she knows that she's about to attack a wave well you know when I was a kid for years I couldn't go to fights because I didn't like the way I felt that's right I got real nervous I would like I would think that I was supposed to fight next and I would and it was just a weird part of me like I would try to enjoy it but there I was like, until I was like in my 30s, until I had really resolved the fact that I was no longer going to compete, you know, I would get nervous every time I'd go to a live event.

[1108] This was the first UFC I've ever been to where I was totally relaxed.

[1109] Really?

[1110] I would go to UFC's.

[1111] The reason I don't go to UFC, I can always get tickets from you.

[1112] And by the way, congrats to Donald Seroni who came to my stand -up.

[1113] That motherfucker's so awesome.

[1114] He's so awesome.

[1115] Woo!

[1116] What a fight that was.

[1117] What a round -out.

[1118] That was 70 seconds of craziness, man. One of my favorite things, I was doing stand -up and they came to the Comedy Works in Denver, and I could see Donald Seroni's hat going up and down, laughing with my jokes.

[1119] And after he goes, dude, my fucking abs, you gave me a fucking ab workout.

[1120] Him and Nate Markport.

[1121] He's ripped like an underwear model, too.

[1122] Yeah, he's a stud.

[1123] The girls I was with, like my friend's wife and my girl, they were like looking at Donald.

[1124] They were literally like, like, my friend's wives, they were like, that guy, I just want to touch him.

[1125] Yeah, they were being, they were inappropriate around him.

[1126] Because he's a handsome fuck.

[1127] Isn't that weird when guys' wives get creeper on dudes, like right in front of them?

[1128] Yeah.

[1129] Yeah, when you got an alpha male like fucking Donald Coney?

[1130] Well, it's not just that.

[1131] It's when you have such a disrespectful relationship that a lot of people engage in this like, I'll insult you.

[1132] Yeah, well, a lot of people have that weird I'll insult you.

[1133] You'll insult me and, you know, you go back and forth a little bit.

[1134] It's not, you're not in each other's corners.

[1135] You're not looking out for each other.

[1136] You've got a bad relationship and you're just, you haven't worked it out and you're not trying to.

[1137] You're just stuck in this little fucking ins.

[1138] And when they're around, man, man, they'll grope on you.

[1139] I went to take pictures and squeeze my ass.

[1140] They will come out to me going, I want to talk to him.

[1141] say hi to him.

[1142] I want to meet him.

[1143] I'm like, your husband's right there.

[1144] She's like, look at his ass.

[1145] Look at his ass.

[1146] They were like, they were all over him.

[1147] Well, those kicks that he throws?

[1148] That's what he developed that big, juicy ass.

[1149] A stud that he is.

[1150] Fucking straight.

[1151] What a fight that was.

[1152] Holy shit, that was a crazy fight.

[1153] And it was right when I just got done saying that he has to be very careful.

[1154] He can't get overconfident because Melvin can fuck you up with one punch.

[1155] And then boom.

[1156] He's so explosive.

[1157] Oh my God.

[1158] That left hook Melvin landed too.

[1159] That could have.

[1160] And Donald kept it together because he got fucking rocked.

[1161] When were you, when were you okay?

[1162] after that punch and he goes right now yeah yeah he was not okay and he's still through the kick see that's how confident he is in his ground games one of the things about seroni i love that he'll fucking let those kicks fly man because if you take him down man this chances are he's gonna threaten you from the bottom he doesn't get grounded no and he threatens dudes with triangles and arm bars he's not just long he goes for it man he attacks he attacks on the ground so he's not holding back so he's willing to throw even after getting tagged like that way he still throws a head kick.

[1163] But 55 is such a...

[1164] I want to see him fight Jose Aldo.

[1165] It's crazy.

[1166] Yeah, well, Aldo is most likely going to move to 55 eventually.

[1167] He's still young.

[1168] He's only 25, and he's having a hard time making weight.

[1169] Although he's had less of a hard time of it lately because he cut back on the weightlifting, the weightlifting.

[1170] He was balking up in between, you know, fights and putting on mass, and then the cut was harder for him.

[1171] Fifty -five is just a division of killers.

[1172] Oh, yeah.

[1173] Well, so is 45, man. It's all the talk of shit.

[1174] And every weight class is growing, you know, like 35's growing now.

[1175] There's this, like, there's this Eric Perezki that fought this weekend.

[1176] There's like, it's constant, this, uh, there's so many fucking good fighters, man. It's the, the whole, like, division, like the whole UFC, like every single division is expanding and getting deeper and deeper and deeper.

[1177] The heavyweight division is getting deeper and deeper and deeper.

[1178] They're going to have Kane Velazquez versus Junior D' Santos on New Year's Eve.

[1179] Really?

[1180] Didn't they fight?

[1181] They fought already.

[1182] Dude, it's going to be a lot.

[1183] the 29th or the 30th?

[1184] Didn't they're going to have a rematch?

[1185] Oh boy.

[1186] Yeah, after Kane destroyed Bigfoot.

[1187] Kane just ran through Bigfoot Sova.

[1188] Just cut them up, blasted him on the ground.

[1189] DeSanta's such a good boxer, man. Ooh, he's scary.

[1190] I'm glad I'm not a fighter, man. Every time you step in that octagon, you're going to war.

[1191] It's what we talked about earlier.

[1192] It has to be what you really want to do.

[1193] It has to be what you're really driven to do.

[1194] It has to be your calling.

[1195] And if it's not your calling, you better get the fuck out of there because there's a guy like Junior Dos Santos.

[1196] the other end of the ring.

[1197] And it is his calling.

[1198] When Anderson Silva steps in that cage, he doesn't wish he was in a fucking Marachi band.

[1199] No. You know, mariachi, whatever.

[1200] He's ready to fuck you up.

[1201] That's what he's there for.

[1202] That's what he does.

[1203] He's not supposed to be doing anything else.

[1204] Yeah, I just, you know, and the margin for error now is so small with these guys.

[1205] They're so good some of these guys.

[1206] The level is insane.

[1207] The level's increasing constantly.

[1208] When I was watching, the speed difference between Seroni and Goulard and the fights before was astronomical.

[1209] Well, they were both.

[1210] throwing haymakers, you know, and that is part of it, is that they were throwing the kill.

[1211] They knew each other very well.

[1212] Yeah, I can't believe Gallard went down that.

[1213] That was so, it's such a vicious thing.

[1214] He was really hard.

[1215] Well, Donald hit him absolutely perfectly.

[1216] He clanged him with the left shin to the head.

[1217] He likes that left high kick with the switch.

[1218] He throws that so well to the head, man. It's such a powerful shot.

[1219] A lot of guys don't throw it that hard, so there's dudes that stand there, and they'll take one of those on the gloves.

[1220] You know, they'll kind of like recognize that it's coming but they'll still try to avoid it instead try to try to move like you can't do it to Anderson like you try it like Rich Franklin tried the high switch kick on Anderson Anderson sees it coming knows what you're going to do and just bends and slides off the shoulder and he looks right at you.

[1221] He's the fucking matrix.

[1222] He's incredible but Seroni's got so much power in it and he's so he's got so much dexterity with his legs it just clang it just comes it's almost like it's shocking how quick it gets there.

[1223] He seems so confident in this fight too and he was very confident And then the right hand he landed afterwards was just a bomb.

[1224] It was just pinpoint.

[1225] It was like, It was like flying at him all his power directly on the jaw.

[1226] Who fights Henderson next?

[1227] Nate does.

[1228] Nate Diaz does.

[1229] Oh boy.

[1230] I love Nate Diaz does.

[1231] Yeah, that's going to be incredible.

[1232] I love Nate Diaz.

[1233] Yeah, well, that was a tough fight, man. A lot of people thought Frankie Edgar won that fight.

[1234] Almost unanimously, the professionals on Twitter thought that he won that fight.

[1235] He's the toughest guy at that...

[1236] He's the toughest small guy in the world.

[1237] Frank Gehger's a motherfucker, dude.

[1238] I thought he won the fight afterwards by decision, but I would have to honestly go back and watch it again and actually score it with my mouth shut to make an accurate assessment of whether or not my feelings after the fight are over are accurate.

[1239] I'm really careful about saying what I think when it's a real close fight like that until I actually sit down and watch it as if I was scoring it.

[1240] Because if you're watching it as a commentator, you're also involved in it, you're trying to be entertaining, You know, I'm trying to, like, explain what's going on.

[1241] And I don't have to, like, in order to do that and do, like, a really effective calculation of whether or not one person won or the other, especially when it's close.

[1242] Because it was the fight unquestionably was close.

[1243] There's no doubt about it.

[1244] It was a very close fight.

[1245] No doubt about it.

[1246] The people who thought Henderson wanted agree with that.

[1247] The people that thought Edgar wanted agree with that.

[1248] It was a tightly contested fight.

[1249] So to really watch that and judge it, you got to really shut your fucking mouth and sit there with a pack.

[1250] You got another game.

[1251] And you've got to mark things down.

[1252] And the best would be if the judges had access to the information that Goldie and I have access to.

[1253] Like, we have access to all the takedown.

[1254] Like the end of the round, we have a thing that comes up.

[1255] Yeah, this is fairly recently in the last few fights.

[1256] Who's taking stock of that?

[1257] Who does it?

[1258] Yeah.

[1259] It's UFC staff.

[1260] Okay.

[1261] So the production staff is counting everything.

[1262] They're counting strikes.

[1263] And there's a whole, like, you know, segment of the show where they'll go to effective strikes, take down attempts, submission attempts.

[1264] So we get to look at hard numbers as well as our gut feeling about things.

[1265] Like there's sometimes a guy will land like little pity pat shots and he'll land a bunch of them, but the other dude lands one haymaker well that haymaker's worth more than those pity pat shots.

[1266] So sometimes numbers don't necessarily mean but it's good to have that information to add in addition to your calculations on how you feel about it just watching it.

[1267] So you need almost more than you watching it on your own because I'm not just watching it.

[1268] I'm getting fed information as I'm watching it.

[1269] That's ideal for a judge.

[1270] Not that it would really, you know, I just, not that it wouldn't help to clean house and just get people in and know what the fuck is going on in an actual fight.

[1271] That certainly would be but I also think they need access to information the way we have.

[1272] They finally gave them monitors.

[1273] They get monitors now, which is very nice.

[1274] I'm surprised they finally gave them to them.

[1275] Yeah, not everywhere, but we've done it in certain places.

[1276] To rewatch things in slow motion would strike.

[1277] Very important.

[1278] Very important as well as to have angles on shots.

[1279] you know there's sometimes it looks like a guy landed when really the guy fell yeah the guy slipped you know there's there's there's not an easy job no it's not you know it's very hard and it's not rewarded when they're good at it no it's only critiqued when they suck at it you know i'm i swear to god man when when i have a weekend like this weekend where we did the the show at the paramount and we did the the comedy works in den where i meet all these cool people and everything it really does feel like this crazy fucking dream life man it's so fun you've earned everything is so fun earned it and you've created nobody earns this dude nobody deserves this this is some crazy lucky shit it ain't just that you earn it because it didn't even exist before it's not like you say you earned being the yeah but you've always been successful but you know I'm saying before it before I was the commentator the other people had done it but I'm saying before you know when I was a young man thinking about this as an aspiration this job didn't even exist right you know like that's just I remember I remember when you got it that's when you were like hey I'm I'm gonna do the UFC and I came down with you and I met Tank Abbott back then I was like geez it's so fortunate though it's it's ridiculous yeah Jeff batten great guy yeah great guy love that guy Olympic old metals yeah and it's so it's so strange to to have like that kind of a life you know it's so strange to have all these cool friends and to like how this dream weekend I remember when we were all hanging around you and me and Joey Diaz and Brendan Walsh and Doug Benson we were eating after the show yeah after the UFC we were laughing drinking good wine drinking good wine eating sliders and buffalo wings and just killing it.

[1280] All of us laughing at each other.

[1281] I mean, that's like, we're so fucking fortunate, man. That's what, that's what, I remember you left in that message.

[1282] You're like, we're so lucky we get to do what we do.

[1283] We're so fortunate.

[1284] In every aspect, in the friends that we have and our occupations and, you know, it's amazing.

[1285] It's completely amazing.

[1286] But to do what we did to get like this posse of comedians together for that show, like at the Paramount, that is really important.

[1287] And it's one of the things that we were talking about before you got there.

[1288] I was telling them, I was thanking them for coming.

[1289] And I was like, you guys, like, there might be 2 ,000 people out there for this show, but if you guys weren't with me, it wouldn't be half as fun.

[1290] Right, because literally wouldn't even be 50 % of fun.

[1291] You have somebody to share it with.

[1292] You have a fraternity you can share it with, you know.

[1293] I love watching Joey Diaz get off stage with a giant smile on his face, just laughing his ass off.

[1294] Ha ha ha ha ha, ha, ha, ha, hi -fiving me. He's so authentic and original.

[1295] We had some really good talks, man. He's the best.

[1296] Listen, I've got, but I'd love what I'm saying.

[1297] I'm getting going on anywhere, bitch.

[1298] We're here for another 10 minutes, at least.

[1299] 10 minutes, just 10 months.

[1300] I gotta get out of here.

[1301] I'm supposed to be there in 10 minutes.

[1302] They can suck it.

[1303] No, because they're my, it's the 10 minute podcast.

[1304] Without you, that's not a good show.

[1305] I know, but I gotta, no, it's actually.

[1306] They're gonna wait.

[1307] By the way, go to the 10 minute podcast and listen to Drunk Arnold that Will Sasser does.

[1308] If you don't laugh your ass off, to me, it's the best impression of all time, and it's the funniest thing I've ever done.

[1309] It's a funny one, because Arnold is like, I don't, I hardly do my Arnold impression anymore.

[1310] Oh, dude, too many people do it.

[1311] Arnold is so fucking hilarious.

[1312] We have some, I'm really proud of some of the things we did on that show.

[1313] I mean, I like the idea.

[1314] It's a fucking great idea.

[1315] 10 minutes.

[1316] Saso and DeLeer do some fucking characters on there.

[1317] Forget me, I did an ostrich expert, but that doesn't matter.

[1318] It's some of the funny shit.

[1319] I got to go.

[1320] What's an ostrich expert?

[1321] I love you.

[1322] I love you.

[1323] My name is Uzu Onduli and ostrich are my specialty.

[1324] And the great question is if an ostrich is a bird.

[1325] Why?

[1326] Can he not fly?

[1327] And that's all I talk about for ten minutes.

[1328] We need to work with you.

[1329] We need to get Henato de Alange with you together with your Brazilian Jiu -Jitsu rapist character and make something happen.

[1330] Because that rapist character is, there's two of the funniest moments in my life that I've experienced my whole life.

[1331] One of them is Joey Diaz on the Alex Jones show.

[1332] Or Joe, they fucked up and told Joey Diaz that he didn't have to worry about swearing because this part is on the internet.

[1333] And Joey Diaz just opened up a can of Cuban whoopass on the he he was he was telling a story about going through the TSA with weed tucked under his balls and about how those fucking machines they don't scan shit and you know this is your fucking tax dollars at work and Alex Jones is going crazy He goes check yourself before you wreck yourself big dicks in your ass is bad for your health Joe Diaz Facebook Twitter stay black and he leaves him he literally wrecked the room I'm crying last laughing and it's and by the way we got it all on video it's all you know i gotta see people that say i'm exaggerating it's all online joey dyes and the alex jones show is a hundred versions of it on youtube because it's so phenomenal i gotta see this there was that and there was you in the hotel room we were high as fuck and i don't even think i think i just got the job of the ufc and we would all come out to the fights and it was it's a fucking great guys event i mean so barbaric and man yeah to go to fucking you did you see that fight holy shit that was crazy and afterwards we eat steaks and shit it was just such a boy party I remember you and I actually went and looked at Randy Couture we're like look at him look at it's a fucking animal he had a swollen knee I was like we were upstairs and we were barbecued we were so high and you know we just have this group of really funny people hanging out together so we're just making each other laugh and Brian goes into this explanation like a jiu jitsu seminar and how to fuck guys I was basically doing hensow because I was training in hensos and and a Of course, I have nothing but the utmost respect for handsome.

[1334] Oh, of course.

[1335] It was just the...

[1336] But I was basically doing his character, you know, and come on, guys, okay, like that, you know?

[1337] When I take a guy...

[1338] Take a guy like that, put him to the mouth like that, eh?

[1339] Put it through my mat.

[1340] To my bag.

[1341] There's like the way, the, all the parts of, like, your speech were all off.

[1342] That's on the internet somewhere.

[1343] I don't know where it is, but that's...

[1344] Well, it was on Eddie Bravo's video, but it was like a window.

[1345] Like, you had...

[1346] It was like one of those things.

[1347] He put it on his video, but he would put it on there as a fortune cookie.

[1348] You know what I'm talking about?

[1349] Is that what it called?

[1350] We have to find it, whatever.

[1351] So he put it on there, I think, is that what it's called a fortune cookie?

[1352] Whatever the fuck it's called, when someone put something on their DVD and you go and find it.

[1353] So he put on there, like you had to press like a couple of different things for it to come up.

[1354] It was one of those stupid things that people did before they realized that extra content, you should let people watch it.

[1355] And so Eddie had that.

[1356] He thought it would be really funny.

[1357] And I also think he was worried about it was so dirty, like connecting it to.

[1358] his thing.

[1359] I think he would do it now because I'm mastering the system.

[1360] Yeah, but you've got to be careful when you're building a brand or whatever.

[1361] And if you're interested in that, go to 10th planetjujitsu .com because Eddie's got this whole web series called Mastering the System, and a lot of that is with Hanato Orangea, who is this, I don't want to tell you the whole story because I don't want to give up the joke.

[1362] Well, we'll do it.

[1363] But you got to get together with him.

[1364] And we'll do it.

[1365] I'm coming back on the podcast.

[1366] I'll teach guys how to kiss guys.

[1367] I want to thank you guys.

[1368] Dude, fuck yeah, man. You can come out on the podcast anytime you want.

[1369] I'll do extra ones for you.

[1370] If I have a full week, we'll do one at night.

[1371] We'll always do it.

[1372] Anytime you want, man. I'm sorry I have to leave early today.

[1373] It's no worries, ma 'am.

[1374] But you should tell those guys to fuck themselves and stay here for a little while longer.

[1375] We are.

[1376] We're on the internet right now.

[1377] This is as good as it at Brian Callum.

[1378] What we're doing right now is as good as we do.

[1379] And we are doing it.

[1380] And we are doing it.

[1381] Now it's a game for me. Joe Rogan, I love you.

[1382] I love you today.

[1383] I love you too.

[1384] Don't leave.

[1385] I got to do my commercial.

[1386] They're waiting for me. But I can't let you out of the house, man. This is fucking I love your animals out there.

[1387] Security.

[1388] I'm Leave it.

[1389] Hold on.

[1390] Let me let me let me let me end this.

[1391] All right.

[1392] This podcast is over, ladies gentlemen.

[1393] Go see Brian this weekend in San Diego at the American Comedy Company and go to the American Comedy Company.

[1394] Support it.

[1395] It's great that San Diego finally got a real fucking comedy club and it is a badass one.

[1396] Thank you to Alienware MMA.

[1397] Follow them on Twitter.

[1398] Alienware MMA on Twitter.

[1399] Alienware sponsors through sucker Punch entertainment, a lot of fighters.

[1400] And they, we really appreciate the shit out of that.

[1401] So we started using Alienware computers for all of our podcasts.

[1402] And if you're into gaming, they're fucking fantastic.

[1403] They're really awesome.

[1404] They sent us this 18 -inch laptop, and it's fucking tremendous.

[1405] If you want to play games on them, they're like the graphics, the speed, they're really incredible.

[1406] They're pricey, but they're really worth it.

[1407] They're incredible gaming computers.

[1408] And we thank them for supporting us because we love the fact they hooked us up with computers.

[1409] We love them as a company.

[1410] We love the fact that they support MMA fighters.

[1411] We think it's a balsy move, and I really appreciate the fact that Dell, a big company, has the guts through Alienware.

[1412] which they own, to step in and sponsor fighters.

[1413] I think that's beautiful.

[1414] And so we support people who support MMA.

[1415] Thanks to Onit .com as well.

[1416] Go get yourself some battle ropes and kettlebells so you can be manly like Brian Callen.

[1417] Like me. Throw that rope around, bitch.

[1418] Get yourself a dancer's physique.

[1419] I love you, America.

[1420] Get some alpha brain, feed your brain with some nutrients and get your shit together, you dirty bitches.

[1421] Look, we love you.

[1422] We appreciate the podcast, tweets and emails and all that shit.

[1423] Literally, my life would not be as rich and interesting if it wasn't for how much positive energy we've gotten back from you people, how much that is inspirational, how much that makes us want to do more and make it better and put out more content.

[1424] And I appreciate the fuck that all you guys are using this podcast to make your commute more interesting, to entertain you when you're on a plane, you know, whatever the fuck you're using it for.

[1425] When you're at the gym, I think it's awesome.

[1426] I love the connection that we have.

[1427] And thank you for all the positivity.

[1428] It inspires me to no end.

[1429] And that's it, you dirty freaks.

[1430] Tomorrow we will have Jamie Kilstein on, my favorite, well, not my favorite vegan.

[1431] He's one of my favorite vegans.

[1432] He's my favorite vegan lefty comedian that weighs eight pounds.

[1433] He's a great guy, though.

[1434] And he's a very smart guy, and he has this, besides his strange idealism, he's got his heart in the right place.

[1435] He's a good human, and he'll be here tomorrow.

[1436] And then we have Andrew Dice Clay on Wednesday.

[1437] On Thursday, we have two podcasts on Thursday.

[1438] You leave in, you dirty bitch?

[1439] And you can find them on Twitter.

[1440] I got to go.

[1441] All right.

[1442] Take care, people.

[1443] Big kiss.

[1444] Love you.