128 - Live at Albert Hall in Manchester

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] This must be what the fucking Pope feels like.

[17] This is nuts.

[18] Welcome to our first daytime show.

[19] It's like being at a festival And our first church show It's our first church show, that's right I feel like I'm going to burst into flames At any minute Same girl, same I think I might burst in the flames faster because I was supposed to be going to this place For like the past 30 years and I just dipped out Yeah, they know Haven't shown up Who's they?

[20] They know whoever they is You know.

[21] Jesus and his dad?

[22] That guy.

[23] Yeah.

[24] They know.

[25] Those two know.

[26] How's it going, you guys?

[27] This is so exciting.

[28] We're really excited to be here.

[29] We like this place, and we drove by the Hacienda today.

[30] Yeah.

[31] It's now a hotel or apartments.

[32] Yeah, apartments.

[33] So it's not as drug -fueled.

[34] We don't know that, though.

[35] We don't know that.

[36] That's true.

[37] If you can afford those apartments, I bet you can get some drugs in my Get yourself some weekend drugs.

[38] Oh, yeah, this is crazy.

[39] We usually don't have to look into everybody's face.

[40] I know.

[41] It's definitely weird.

[42] Let's play a quick recital on our organ.

[43] Okay.

[44] All right.

[45] Jesus light of all the world, oh lovely child.

[46] There it was.

[47] I can't, I actually the Catholic guilt is so strong that I'm like, are you seriously sarcastically singing a hymn in a fucking church?

[48] Are you out of your mind?

[49] You're doubling down on that hell shit right now.

[50] That's how you do it.

[51] We've been traveling through Europe for fucking months.

[52] It's been quite some time based on the smell of the dress I'm wearing right now.

[53] You guys are lucky you're down there.

[54] Because the smell is happening.

[55] Oh, it's like my, at this point, because also my deodorant broke when we were in Stockholm.

[56] And I just didn't make the time to get more.

[57] Did it break or did it just quit?

[58] It was like, I'm out of here.

[59] I can't go under those armpits anymore.

[60] Please, leave me out of this problem.

[61] So when I put the dress on tonight, I was like, this smells like four cats peed on it.

[62] Four angry cats.

[63] Angry cat piss is the worst smell.

[64] It really is, when they're happy, it's different.

[65] It is.

[66] It's like, pharomones and shit.

[67] Angry, it's like acid.

[68] It's like cat acid under armpits.

[69] You can get that at the hacienda, actually.

[70] What's that?

[71] Cat acid.

[72] Oh, yeah, that's the good shit.

[73] Uh -huh.

[74] Oh, just, I don't know what the rules are actually here, but this is probably the worst angle you could take a picture of us from.

[75] Oh, yeah.

[76] Be kind, be kind.

[77] No photos allowed.

[78] You guys are great.

[79] really your ideal perfect yeah this side is my best so you guys highly encouraged you guys no no no flank pictures yeah I got yeah I got no flanks so anyway we're just on the wrong side yeah it's fucking freaking me out I don't know why we did that we walked out and landed let's go ahead and take a walk in it it's word you don't usually now I can be funny there we got oh my I got high.

[80] I know, right?

[81] Finally.

[82] And then they're there.

[83] And we're all in fucking church together.

[84] What the fuck?

[85] And now we sell you Amway.

[86] This is so weird and afternoon -y.

[87] It does.

[88] And this place is haunted from what we've heard.

[89] That's right.

[90] It used to be, get this, a church.

[91] I know, right?

[92] But then it was a bar, and then that's why it's haunted as the bar.

[93] Oh, okay.

[94] Yeah, of all the regret.

[95] So many corners that got barfed in.

[96] Oh, no. Angry, ghosts, barfs.

[97] Ghosts are bad enough, but when it's the ghost of old barf, it's so...

[98] What?

[99] What do you have to say?

[100] That's true.

[101] That's it.

[102] See?

[103] And that's what you call improv.

[104] She yes -anded me. What I was saying was stupid bullshit, and she yes -anded me anyway.

[105] Listen, get someone is your hype man, no matter what the fuck you're saying.

[106] That's right.

[107] And you'll just always sound.

[108] Smart.

[109] Get your Bez.

[110] Get your Bez.

[111] Your what?

[112] Oh, yeah, I get it.

[113] Sorry, I was pandering.

[114] They absolutely were not having it whatsoever.

[115] It's just like, no. Shit, tough crowd.

[116] There are a bunch of Christians.

[117] Tough crowd in the daytime.

[118] Do you think anyone in here actually was like, oh, it's church.

[119] Everyone's going.

[120] I'm going to go.

[121] And they're sitting here and they're like, when does church start?

[122] Why is there a Jewish person on stage?

[123] We usually don't allow those in churches.

[124] This is going to be great because my mom, Janet, oh, it's Mother's Day back home.

[125] Oh, yeah, in America.

[126] Yeah, no, it's fine.

[127] Exactly.

[128] That's exactly right.

[129] It's just a really bummer day for anyone who doesn't have their mom around, doesn't like their mom, you know, many other things.

[130] Yeah.

[131] It's just a day for people to put hot photos of their mom from when they were younger on Instagram to prove that they are going to be hot when they're older too.

[132] Right.

[133] Right?

[134] Or that their window of hotness has passed.

[135] Oh, yeah.

[136] Right.

[137] Or like when you're like, oh, I see your feature, your features in your mom's face, but your mom, but she, but your dad probably isn't that hot.

[138] Your dad fucked it up.

[139] Yeah.

[140] You really, the gene pool shouldn't have.

[141] Clearly your dad has a great fucking personality.

[142] So, congratulations on that as well.

[143] And, oh, she said to me, she called me before I left for this trip because we never talk, but when I'm going to leave somewhere, in case I die, she has to say I love you like the day before.

[144] And she said to me, are you going to France?

[145] And I was like, no, Mom, we're not going to France.

[146] She's like, okay, well, if you do, we're not.

[147] She can't go off track.

[148] She can't improv.

[149] No, she's like, I had a fucking point to tell you, and it was fucking political, and here it is.

[150] Don't wear a Jewish star when you go to France, when you would never leave you go to France.

[151] And George is like, well, there's go all my outfits.

[152] Now I just, everything I've planned is out the fucking window.

[153] And you know it was political, but I couldn't come back and be like, fuck, Trump sucks, because she, like, doesn't really go that way, but it does.

[154] But now when I tell her I'm doing a fucking show in a church, oh, man, she's going to be pissed and I love it.

[155] You're going to be like, Mom, I took off my Jewish star, like you said, and then I got baptized in Manchester.

[156] And can holy beat of the father's son and the holy ghost, right?

[157] I mean...

[158] They're not that bad, Mom.

[159] They're cool guys.

[160] They're cool people And she asked me for a vase You know when you're traveling And the thing you want to pack is a fucking vase I asked her she wanted anything Because I'm obsessed with all your pharmacies And like I bought, you guys sell codeine over the counter?

[161] Yeah, yeah Yes That's a fun Friday night in Just fucking sipping some cough syrup And listen don't do drugs but sometimes my fucking back hurts.

[162] And regular Tylenol isn't going to cut it.

[163] Sometimes you're just bored.

[164] There's lots of reasons.

[165] Yeah.

[166] How are you?

[167] So you went ahead and packed a vase?

[168] So I went and bought a vase for her because she is my mom.

[169] She controls you.

[170] I haven't had enough therapy yet to get over her.

[171] We'll get there.

[172] We'll get there.

[173] Okay.

[174] Oh, I have pockets.

[175] in my dress by the way.

[176] Oh, yeah.

[177] I'm from the story of this fine dress.

[178] When I bought it?

[179] No. The part about your tith.

[180] Oh, oh, right.

[181] Well, so I got this dress for a Los Angeles show that we posted the other day.

[182] Oh, thanks.

[183] Did you like it?

[184] Those were the ghosts.

[185] It's barf.

[186] When I wore it in Los Angeles, when I first put it on, I was like, whoa, that's very plunging neckline.

[187] And then the father and son the Holy Ghost showed up and they were like, you better cover that fucking up right now.

[188] You will burn.

[189] So in Los Angeles I wore a slip with it.

[190] When we got here our first night in Dublin, right?

[191] It was pretty fun.

[192] It was good job.

[193] I pulled, I opened up my suitcase, I forgot to bring my slip.

[194] And then I was just like, oh, fuck it.

[195] Who cares?

[196] At this point, I just turned 48.

[197] These aren't going to get any higher.

[198] I might as well show them off while they're still up here in some way.

[199] I agree.

[200] Let's get those podcast numbers up.

[201] Let's get them.

[202] Sex cells, everybody, so.

[203] Tits up, podcast numbers up.

[204] It works that way.

[205] It's our new, Elvis is out.

[206] Two tits are in.

[207] I'm sorry.

[208] Two disembodied.

[209] What?

[210] No, I'm just saying for 2019.

[211] I'm just saying.

[212] Oh, no. It's a pitch.

[213] We have to have a mascot.

[214] Why not my two.

[215] It's your tits now.

[216] Disembodied breasts.

[217] Elvis will retire.

[218] Or he'll move to the broadcast.

[219] Should we sit down?

[220] Yeah.

[221] Oh, man. This is going to be hard not to fucking flash you guys.

[222] Do you think Oasis ever sat on these chairs?

[223] Oasis sat on these chairs for sure.

[224] I bet they did.

[225] And they said get us different chairs.

[226] They said separate these chairs immediately.

[227] We saw that Super Hands is going to be here soon.

[228] Oh my God.

[229] He's playing.

[230] Everyone looks shocked.

[231] Or did he already play?

[232] I don't know, or did he do something scandalous and we're not supposed to talk.

[233] Oh, he's good, okay.

[234] He's good.

[235] Because that just keeps fucking happening.

[236] Everyone's a pedophile.

[237] Oh, I can't say that word in here, huh?

[238] Allegedly, allegedly.

[239] Allegedly.

[240] I think this is the place to say it the most, actually.

[241] If we're going to be honest, look, we're going to be honest, which is what we're all about.

[242] Let's get honest.

[243] Then we go into our pedophile chunk.

[244] Get ready.

[245] We got a tight, Eight up top about pedophiles.

[246] It's not funny.

[247] It's more like a lesson.

[248] You'll learn something.

[249] It gets weird.

[250] It gets happy.

[251] I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I just wanted to say.

[252] This is the podcast, my favorite murder, by the way.

[253] Speaking of.

[254] Yeah.

[255] Yeah.

[256] The daytime podcast.

[257] The daytime.

[258] This is just, we just don't want any vampires to come.

[259] We knew that we could be in a church.

[260] We're in Manchester.

[261] It's an old fucking town.

[262] For every single person in this room, this is normal nighttime.

[263] And they're just like, why can't they fucking get over?

[264] The sun doesn't set very quickly here.

[265] We're real used to it.

[266] It's not a big deal, Americans.

[267] But it is when you're sitting in front of all these people.

[268] It is.

[269] It's so much easier when it's all dark and you're like, oh, they're just one big noise.

[270] Yeah.

[271] Like I can see what you're wearing over there.

[272] I can see what you're all wearing.

[273] You're all naked.

[274] I can see that your arms are crossed, which I don't appreciate such negative.

[275] body language.

[276] If you're not a, like, if you're not a laffer or a motor, you're going to need to do it tonight because we need it.

[277] Otherwise, this is going to go poorly.

[278] In fact, feet off of you.

[279] When you laugh, it would be great.

[280] That happened again.

[281] That sounded a lot like a laughing, though.

[282] It did.

[283] That would work.

[284] When you laugh if you could do like jazz hands, just so yeah.

[285] Yeah, definitely.

[286] Please don't.

[287] That would be so weird.

[288] If you're new to this, this podcast and someone just dragged you along because you were not busy during the day.

[289] Apologies.

[290] So sorry.

[291] Oh, that's why you look like that.

[292] You're just like, what?

[293] We'll win you over.

[294] What is this cult?

[295] You're the only one.

[296] He's like, I didn't want to join a cult.

[297] I said I wanted to go to the movies.

[298] It's kind of like a movie.

[299] You'll love it.

[300] It's great.

[301] Don't worry about it.

[302] It is like a movie.

[303] This is a true crime comedy podcast, which isn't the most ideal combination.

[304] in certain places.

[305] Try telling that to your cab driver.

[306] That's right.

[307] Or your customs agent when you're crossing the border.

[308] Dude, we didn't even think about it.

[309] And then when we landed in Ireland, we had to get to customs, and then the guy says, what is the purpose of your visit here?

[310] And then we're like, well, we're here to podcast.

[311] And then he's like, what's the name of your podcast?

[312] I thought we were going to get arrested because he didn't know what podcasting was, maybe.

[313] So then Georgia tells him the name of the podcast.

[314] and instead of being offended or grossed out or calling the manager or whatever would happen.

[315] He goes, all right, there was an American girl come through here, through here, I can't do the accent to you, sorry.

[316] You're doing it.

[317] So I can do the accent in America and I think I'm all good at it, and then here I just like, I'm already flop sweating this accent so hard.

[318] I've never heard you like back out of it so many times on this trip, it's fucking true.

[319] I'm very intimidated by all of Great Britain I just love your television so much This is like amazing for you I subscribe to fucking acorn That's how much I love British TV That's American app for They didn't like it I should have said BBC America I should have said BBC America We yeah and he said Oh so Instead of having any kind of a native negative reaction he goes Oh yeah an American girl Come through here on Friday she told me all about it and then last night that you hear a yell from the audience don't do it but we hear she's right here that's our sister grassroots campaigning for us all across then we invited him to the podcast and he couldn't come or the show and he couldn't come he couldn't or wouldn't and he called his manager um I'm nervous because I don't remember where we put are murders.

[320] Is this one mine or is this one yours?

[321] Oh, right.

[322] Oh, that's right.

[323] You can't look at them.

[324] Okay, I'm going to look at the last page because I won't know.

[325] Um, nope, wait.

[326] Yes.

[327] Now I can't remember.

[328] How many pages long is this?

[329] Is the name Higginbottom in yours?

[330] No. Okay.

[331] Then this one's mine.

[332] Then this one's mine.

[333] What if there was a Higginbottom in each of our murders tonight?

[334] That'd be so fucking I'm nuts.

[335] Okay, yeah, yeah.

[336] Now I remember, I remember.

[337] I added Higginbottom, Mr. Higginbottom last minute.

[338] It's fine.

[339] He's not a big part of the story.

[340] I didn't ruin it.

[341] I'm mopping it my water up that I spit everywhere with this.

[342] He's not a key player.

[343] That's why I didn't know my own story.

[344] It's fine.

[345] Everyone's fine.

[346] This is the horrifying tale of Dale Higginbottom.

[347] No. It's never happened.

[348] Yay.

[349] Yay.

[350] Yeah.

[351] I think so.

[352] I think we're...

[353] Should we do our murders?

[354] I mean, here's the thing.

[355] Yeah.

[356] I would just like to say this.

[357] Normally, when we record this podcast, it's me and Georgia.

[358] Hi.

[359] And Steven!

[360] What if he just started playing the organ from somewhere?

[361] And he, like, flew in.

[362] He's a vampire organ player.

[363] Wow.

[364] That's the best kept secret in podcasting.

[365] Stephen's a vampire.

[366] Oh, my God.

[367] I can see it.

[368] It's always your least expected most moustachioed friends.

[369] You can't trust a millennial.

[370] They're always vampires.

[371] They're always vampires.

[372] Mm -hmm.

[373] That's true.

[374] So, yeah, instead of, like, normally, it's us, some cats, a couch, recording in a quiet loft in Georgia's apartment.

[375] Mm -hmm.

[376] Unless someone's playing tennis outside, in which case we're like, fuck, what do we do?

[377] Right.

[378] But now it's noon.

[379] in a fucking church on a fucking Sunday and everyone's eyes look three times bigger than they actually are because we can see your faces all of your I can see the entire I never wish for like poor vision before in my life yeah I actually have very poor vision but it came into very clear view all of a sudden like now it's like I'm an owl I'm in a panic owl situation I'm just like oh no thank you for on crossing your arms that's really nice she did it She did it.

[380] She wanted to show that she cared about me. All you got to do is pick on someone in front of another couple hundred people and they'll do whatever you tell them to do.

[381] Some on -mic bullying will get people to put their arms wherever you fucking ask them to.

[382] We actually would ask, my dad, if you're one of these people, my father watches TV like this.

[383] I don't know why.

[384] Hey, this is exciting.

[385] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[386] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are bad.

[387] as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[388] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[389] Who killed Saz?

[390] And were they really after Charles?

[391] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[392] This season, murder hits close to home.

[393] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[394] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[395] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[396] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll?

[397] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Devine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[398] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[399] Goodbye.

[400] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[401] Absolutely.

[402] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[403] Exactly.

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[415] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[416] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[417] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[418] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[419] Goodbye.

[420] Angry at the TV.

[421] Like he's angry at the fucking McNeil -Lair News hour or whatever the hell he watches.

[422] And it's in a different language and he's trying to understand it, even though he doesn't know it.

[423] It's, yeah.

[424] So if you're a rage watcher, If you have like rage face as you watch things, just try to soften those features tonight.

[425] Do what you can.

[426] Have a couple extra beers on us.

[427] I mean, from us.

[428] I mean.

[429] Near us.

[430] About us.

[431] Around.

[432] Toward us.

[433] Right.

[434] But I can also see the two empty seats over there.

[435] And when those motherfuckers come in here.

[436] Ooh, they're going to get it.

[437] Because I can see, I'm going to see everything.

[438] Their tattoos.

[439] They've been crying because they're fighting on their way over here, which is why they're late.

[440] I mean, I'm trying to think of what a great prank would be, if they walked in and sat down and then all of us did something together.

[441] We yell Higg and Bottom at the same time.

[442] But don't yell it until their butts hit the seats.

[443] They're like, sneak in real quiet.

[444] Then we'll scream Hig and Bottom, but you have to remember to do it.

[445] Only four people do it.

[446] All right.

[447] Pick yourself.

[448] Pick which more.

[449] I go first tonight, right?

[450] You do, yes.

[451] Karen went first last night.

[452] This is how this goes, and so I go first tonight.

[453] Can I just tell you?

[454] Yeah.

[455] I made a grave error last night.

[456] night.

[457] I decided So you were at the show.

[458] Oh, they're nodding.

[459] London.

[460] Huge fucking theater.

[461] Humongous theater and I did Jack the Ripper.

[462] And as I was talking, I was just like, everyone in this audience knows this murder so much better than me. And they're mentally correcting me. Right?

[463] You did great, they said.

[464] You can't lie in church.

[465] Sorry, I was not.

[466] I'm not fishing for compliments, but...

[467] No, that was actually hilarious, because they were also trying to do it, like, not hecklers.

[468] They were just like...

[469] Yeah.

[470] Manchester Sign Language, thank you.

[471] Actually, from here, I thought you were like this.

[472] Fuck off.

[473] You fucked it up, let it go.

[474] Oh, sorry.

[475] No, this, I love it.

[476] Also, I want to say this, but then I'm afraid I'm going to tip yours, but...

[477] Don't you...

[478] While we were on stage last night...

[479] There.

[480] The famous serial killer Dennis Nilsson died while we are on stage.

[481] I think the power of murder, our family killed him.

[482] Of our family discussion about murder killed that man. There are people rolling up into that VIP meet and greet, like, we have the best news for you.

[483] That's pretty great.

[484] It was so awesome.

[485] Okay, sorry.

[486] Okay.

[487] Here we go.

[488] Feel free to stop me at any time.

[489] Okay.

[490] Do you think of anything?

[491] Oh, thank you so much.

[492] Okay, I'm going to tell you the story of the first woman executed at Manchester Strangeways Prison, Marianne Brittland.

[493] Oh, a bad lady.

[494] That was a mouthful.

[495] Their friend guessed it, huh?

[496] Or is her ghost over there.

[497] Strangeways is right over there?

[498] I think I mention her.

[499] Don't...

[500] Shh.

[501] What?

[502] No?

[503] You two are in trouble.

[504] Sit in those seats.

[505] In the dark, people can gesture all they want.

[506] We have no idea that they're doing it.

[507] Stop pointing over there.

[508] I see everything about you.

[509] Okay.

[510] All right.

[511] I'm going to tell you guys a story of this girl's great, great, great, great aunt.

[512] What?

[513] Good.

[514] So I'm going to tell you.

[515] Okay.

[516] Mary Ann Brittland was born in 1847 in Bolton, Lancashire.

[517] Oh.

[518] Lancaster.

[519] Lancashire.

[520] Lancashire.

[521] At the age of 19, she marries a dude named Thomas Brittland.

[522] He's a domestic servant.

[523] They live in a small house on Turner Lane in Ashton underline.

[524] Okay.

[525] That's the mayor.

[526] Thank you so much for being here tonight.

[527] So they have two daughters named Elizabeth Hannah and Susanna.

[528] Oh, that's right.

[529] That's three names, though.

[530] I know.

[531] I know.

[532] I know.

[533] Elizabeth Hannah's the first daughter.

[534] Got it, got it.

[535] She hates her name.

[536] By the time Mary Ann's children are in their teens, she's in their late 30s, she's got two jobs working all day in a factory and then she works at night as a barmaid in the local pub house.

[537] So probably not the fucking coolest life ever, right?

[538] And her feet hurt.

[539] Her feet are killing her.

[540] She's tired.

[541] But she also sucks because.

[542] Oh.

[543] everything began for this story on February in February of 1886 Mary notices that her family home has been infested with mice so she did what any person in the 1800s would do at that time and went to the town chemist and bought a shit ton of rat poison or mice poison I don't know is there a difference it just comes in a little bottle cute mice poison specifically she bought a packet of Harrison's vermin killer that's what it was called and I like the name, which contained both strychnine and arsenic.

[544] Great.

[545] They were really already on to like the, we know that you're poisoning each other game because they had a poison register to be like, we know.

[546] So poisoning got so popular by this time.

[547] I think so.

[548] That they were like...

[549] It was like a wedding registry, but poison.

[550] Best of luck.

[551] You say you have rats, eh?

[552] All right, Mr. Higginbotham.

[553] So, and she signed her real name, which I'm sure, like, they didn't ask for ID back then, right?

[554] So that probably meant that she didn't have any intention of killing anyone, one would think.

[555] But at some point during the next month, she was like, wait a minute, I hate some people.

[556] And more than mice, let's see what can happen.

[557] So in March, 1886, our friend Elizabeth Hannah, she's the eldest daughter, she's 19 years old.

[558] and she dies.

[559] Unexpectedly, the cause of death is given as natural causes, as most 19 -year -olds fucking do.

[560] Although it was back when you had to work all day and night.

[561] That's right.

[562] That's right.

[563] That's historical knowledge right there for you.

[564] Ask me anything, AMA, about the past.

[565] And Mary Ann claims the 10 -pound life insurance on Elizabeth's life.

[566] That would be 900 pounds today or for you, Karen, $1 ,000.

[567] Ooh, now I understand.

[568] $1 ,000.

[569] So, not a ton of money.

[570] Mary must have been like, this is fucking great.

[571] I'm going to do this again because two months later, on March 3, 1886, Mary goes and pays the premium.

[572] She doesn't seem very smart.

[573] Sorry, no offense to your family line.

[574] She goes and pays the premium on her husband's insurance and, like, on her way home, basically, is like, I'm going to fucking kill him.

[575] Because, like, within a couple days, he's dead.

[576] Thomas Brittland, he's 44, he's found dead, he's diagnosed with, he's death is diagnosed as epilepsy, and again, she claims the 10 -pound insurance on him.

[577] As an epileptic, can you die of epilepsy?

[578] You can, but it's...

[579] I was told you can't.

[580] Well, someone lied to you.

[581] I'm kind of holding on to that, you know, pretty tightly.

[582] Well, it said, don't worry.

[583] It says only really happens when children and old people.

[584] I just turned 48.

[585] I guess, yeah, I guess 44 is pretty old back then, probably, right?

[586] They were like, he died of old age.

[587] Back then it was like, Jesus, that guy made it to 44.

[588] Right.

[589] And then now the neighbors are like, hold up.

[590] There's something going on, and they do what they do.

[591] What neighbors do is they start gossiping.

[592] Yeah.

[593] Of course they do.

[594] Because they're like two deaths in two months.

[595] That seems weird.

[596] It does, though.

[597] It does seem weird.

[598] They're right to gossip.

[599] They are, and it turns out that Mary had been having an affair with her neighbor.

[600] I know.

[601] You guys don't have that here?

[602] Ooh, it's like, this is what we came for.

[603] They were smooching.

[604] They were totally Frenching under the stairs.

[605] Here, can I do this?

[606] Mm. Thank you.

[607] That's how the neighbors were gossiping.

[608] in the street.

[609] She goes like this, and he goes like this.

[610] Mm -mm -mm.

[611] Okay.

[612] So, that was the wrong.

[613] All right.

[614] But, but, but.

[615] That got dirty, fast.

[616] His name, the dude she's hooking up with is also named Thomas, because every guy back then was named Thomas, I guess.

[617] Yeah.

[618] It's easier.

[619] It is.

[620] They're mostly meeting clandestinely at night, and Mary works in a pub at night, so it's not that weird that she's, like, you know, gone all night.

[621] Yeah.

[622] She's like, I'm sorry, I have to run back to the makeout room really quick.

[623] I'll be right back.

[624] I meant the...

[625] Okay, so their secret love affair is threatened when the now deceased daughter, Elizabeth Hannah, she had turned 18 so she could go to the pubs and shit and that maybe she was fucking catching them hooking up and like not happy about it.

[626] So they were trying to be more discreet, but a few times she was sure that Elizabeth had seen them together.

[627] And so she was thinking that Elizabeth was going to tell her father.

[628] So she did the only thing she could think of doing and she killed her daughter.

[629] It's not a solution.

[630] No. No. I mean, it is, but it's not the best one.

[631] Okay, you're right.

[632] It's one option, but there's so many others.

[633] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[634] And then she's like, well, I also hate sneaking around behind my husband's back, so I'm going to kill him.

[635] So that's what happened.

[636] That's why they're dead.

[637] That's the problem with easy solutions like that.

[638] Then you just keep going back to the same thing over and over.

[639] Like, for instance, the only thing left in Mary's way is her lover Thomas's 29 -year -old wife.

[640] Oh, shit.

[641] Also named Mary.

[642] So Thomas and Mary live across the street from Thomas and Mary, and Mary is looking up with Mary's husband, Thomas.

[643] How do those gossips keep track of what they're saying?

[644] I don't know.

[645] Like, let's get original people.

[646] That's when all the nickname stuff started.

[647] And then they're just like, Tommy.

[648] name with some weird thing.

[649] Remember last night my nickname that I made up?

[650] That everyone booed.

[651] Oh, I was bad.

[652] It was bad.

[653] I'm not telling you guys.

[654] Tell them.

[655] They won't react that way because they'll know that it scared us and upset us.

[656] We were joking around and making up dumb nicknames based on what your husband's job is.

[657] One of the victims of Jack the Ripper was...

[658] Oh, Sivy.