Adam Pally

[0] Welcome to Armchair Expert.

[1] I'm Dax Randall, Shepard.

[2] You are Monica Lily Padman.

[3] That's right.

[4] I am.

[5] We have a little musical accompaniment for this intro.

[6] This is a sexy intro.

[7] Oh, it is.

[8] I wish we always had this intro.

[9] Me too.

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[11] This is our favorite singer, Hannah Anderson, who goes by the name of Sister.

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[13] And this is her song Love Me Right, which is available now.

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[16] Yeah.

[17] But on this episode today, we have Adam Pally, who is just a dream come true.

[18] I fell in love with Adam Pally.

[19] I know.

[20] You know him from Happy Endings.

[21] Mindy Project.

[22] Mindy Project.

[23] And you have seen him countless times.

[24] I was already in love with him because of UCB and improv.

[25] He's an incredible improvise.

[26] His extraordinary improv skills got you.

[27] He really does.

[28] The little reminder that we are going live with ticket sales for Seattle on Friday at 10 a .m. Pacific Standard Time.

[29] You can go to our website, www .armchairexpertpod .com.

[30] Follow a link to buy tickets.

[31] I implore you to join us for the big party in Seattle.

[32] And I'll leave you with a little sister.

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[37] He's an arm chance to our dog.

[38] Oh, man. Hi, Adam Pally.

[39] Hi, Dex.

[40] What a nightmare.

[41] Allergic to your own dog.

[42] Well, to my wife's dog, which has now been for 11 years.

[43] Oof.

[44] But so we have all these air purifiers around the house.

[45] And I always look at them and think, there's not a chance in how the filters are not at capacity.

[46] There's no way they're doing anything.

[47] No, especially after like the air quality here.

[48] As you take it out of the box, it just like turns black.

[49] Uh -huh.

[50] I live in New York again, so.

[51] Oh, you do?

[52] Yeah, I moved back to New York a couple years ago.

[53] I didn't realize it.

[54] So you're out here promoting?

[55] Promoting, yeah.

[56] And working.

[57] And so I've been kind of flying.

[58] I've taken the red eyes seven weeks in a row to make baseball and basketball in the morning on Saturdays.

[59] And then I come back to L .A. on Wednesday.

[60] I do Wednesday to Friday.

[61] Oh, man. Yeah.

[62] That's brutal.

[63] It's tough.

[64] But when we moved to New York, it was like, you know, my wife is from New York and so you are too.

[65] Right.

[66] Yeah.

[67] And so she had given me 10 years out here to like really make it happen if I could.

[68] Yeah.

[69] And so and then her parents got older and, you know, she wanted to go home.

[70] And I couldn't, in good conscience as a partner.

[71] I couldn't be like, no. And I bet when you made that promise, it's kind of like the 99 year lease that the Chinese gave to England for Hong.

[72] Hong Kong.

[73] Like, they were sitting pretty for so long.

[74] I don't think she'd actually cash in on it, but she did.

[75] And aren't you like the whole time, like year five, are you monitoring how much she's enjoying it out here?

[76] Like, oh, this is looking good.

[77] I'm monitoring that every day.

[78] I'm like, are you cool today?

[79] Are we chill?

[80] Are we straight?

[81] Are we good?

[82] I mean, that's like the big.

[83] I wake up in the morning.

[84] I'm like, are we cool?

[85] Before I start, all this other stuff, are we cool?

[86] Most of the time, we're not.

[87] that's good marriage well you have three kids three children yeah it's hard it's really hard yeah yeah did she work she was working like we we have a seven six and a year and a half so we were like out of the the woods woods and then so she started working again and getting happy and having self -esteem yeah autonomy and you just knocked that shit right up yeah yeah i was like don't get too comfy here in society I don't have been fun talking to adults and stuff but that's about to end yeah no she it was like we had Irish twins and when that happened sometimes it was like are we going to shut down shop or are we young enough that we can have one more like chance with a baby and I'm glad we did because he's a smush yeah and so it was intentional the last one the other two were horrible mistakes okay back to back you know um after we had two i got a vasectomy which has been going fine for four years now everyone's fine with that decision but we've been watching hand handmaid's tail do you watch that um no we can't watch anything yet okay there's like too much going on we're like a year away from watching something well when you put a year away we're going to be able to like plow through all the best shows i know i'm almost envious of your situation i'm psyched actually there's a lot of binging i'm gonna do I'm going to come out of my apartment.

[88] So even when they go to bed, what do you guys do then for that hour and a half?

[89] You know, our kids are, God bless them, I love them, they're terrible.

[90] And they don't sleep through the night a lot.

[91] So they'll get up and come into our bed.

[92] And each one has a different bedtime.

[93] So, yeah.

[94] So like, when you're like at night, like, what night?

[95] You know, like, it's an all -ever.

[96] present wide -eyed like war okay so we don't we again we're like a year away like I feel like when my oldest can start like going to friends houses and stuff like that like we're we're right there right there yeah we're still kind of miserable and do you fall into the pattern that like me and my other male friends like it seems to be pretty um common that like the guys like no let's fucking and get militant about this bed situation.

[97] And then mom is more like, no, is that?

[98] I don't think we fall into that trap because I'm not there.

[99] I'm a Debbie dad.

[100] You know, like I'm a good dad.

[101] But I'm, you know, this job, even when we lived here, I was not.

[102] Bedtime was scarce because whatever, you're in South Africa doing two days on a Vin Diesel movie.

[103] It's like, that takes three weeks.

[104] Did you do that?

[105] No. Oh.

[106] That was an example.

[107] I'll put like a hypothetical.

[108] No, I didn't get that.

[109] I feel like that's what the job is.

[110] You know, like, and until you get to a place where you really can say no to stuff, which I'm not, I'm not really in that place.

[111] Mm -hmm.

[112] You just kind of have to keep moving.

[113] So I'm not the militant one on bedtime, but neither of us are.

[114] Neither of us are militant about anything.

[115] It's kind of a bad.

[116] There's no, like, disciplinarian in the mix.

[117] Nope.

[118] It's like a free -for -all.

[119] It's disgusting.

[120] Can I circle back to Vin Diesel for a second?

[121] Yeah, please.

[122] First of all, I applaud everything he's done.

[123] So I have love in my heart for Vin Diesel.

[124] Okay.

[125] But there was a moment while I was shooting Parenthood on Universal, where they were shooting some of one of the Fast and Furious on the lot.

[126] I remember that time.

[127] I was on the Mindy project.

[128] Oh, exactly.

[129] Yes.

[130] And all the Fast and Furious cars in the parking lot.

[131] I remember that, yeah.

[132] Side note, I love those cars.

[133] Yes, I know that.

[134] And then my heart was broken when I went and looked at those cars, and I looked and like, there's no engines in any of them.

[135] There's nothing.

[136] No, they're like just shells.

[137] They're pulled on wires to get to spin out like that.

[138] There's nothing really happening in those.

[139] It's a bummer.

[140] It was heartbreaking.

[141] But, okay, so the highlight of them being there was at one point we were traveling to the back lot.

[142] And you get stuff behind a tram off.

[143] And so the studio tour tram was going.

[144] It was going inordinately slow.

[145] We're like, why is this thing going?

[146] So we kind of stepped out of our lane and we saw it.

[147] And what was happening was Vin Diesel was riding.

[148] a segue in a white tank top in the middle of the road in the middle of the road presumably going to get a snack or something i don't know what he was doing but he was riding a segue in a tank top you know in a wife beater yeah and um the whole tour you know is getting to enjoy that and i was enjoying the hell out of it that's amazing to see what a thing to see what is the most hollywood thing ever i know like when you go on that tour you're like midway three you're like this is a bullshit yeah like are we going to see someone on a segue yeah where's vend diesel yeah And there he was.

[149] And also, I don't know how you felt about the tour, but I get kind of embarrassed.

[150] Not like I'm Vin Diesel, but...

[151] I think we're in different places because, also, I am not a record.

[152] I don't cut a recognizable figure.

[153] I'm recognizable because I've been in the game for a long time.

[154] So there's a lot of places where you would hear my voice or see me, but rarely do I get recognized.

[155] Oh, really?

[156] And I live in New York where, like, I'm face to face with people every day.

[157] I do attribute that to, I agree, that you have a blend in you.

[158] look.

[159] Yeah, which I like.

[160] I'm glad about it.

[161] My wife is, you know, objectively more famous than me infinitely more.

[162] Yeah, she's one of most famous people.

[163] Yeah, yeah.

[164] She's like Mickey Mouse.

[165] But when we're at an airport, generally I'm the one who gets recognized.

[166] Well, you're, you're, because I'm tall and my nose is very weird.

[167] And you're, you've, again, you've been around, you know, like, you're in the game.

[168] So, like, it's like people become comfortable and they recognize you in that way.

[169] Yeah.

[170] And that's a whole side note is like what you end up getting famous for.

[171] How approachable you seem to people, I guess.

[172] Yes, totally.

[173] Like, I wish that I had, instead of gotten a modicum of recognition from being, like, a fat -lovable friend, it would have been great to be like, he was awesome and dommer.

[174] Like, don't go near him.

[175] Jeremy Renner's got it made.

[176] Oh, yeah, you're just genuinely afraid of him.

[177] Yeah, people, like, don't talk to Jeremy Renner.

[178] Meanwhile, all that dude does is flip houses.

[179] Yeah, he's a beautiful guy.

[180] Beautiful man. Beautiful man who like flips houses and has like four French bulldogs.

[181] Yeah.

[182] He's nothing to be afraid of yet people walk like the other on the other side of the street.

[183] Yeah.

[184] Isn't it fun when you meet people like that around town and you're expecting one thing?

[185] And then you're like, oh, this is amazing.

[186] This person plays someone that's opposite of them all at all times.

[187] That is one of the best parts of working in this industry is seeing just how similar everybody is because the industry like pushes people ahead and like deifies them in a way.

[188] I heard the story from Neil Brennan He said like one or two days on this on Tom Hardy's new like Al Capone movie Okay And so like he's all psyched you know They're like getting him in a trailer and he's got this like three piece suit And his hair is slick back And Tom Hardy's playing Al Capone He's like so psyched He's like all these big actors are dressed this way They come down to set and like Tom Hardy's there And they go through the blocking and it seems really intense And then they go okay second team And Tom Hardy takes out his phone and starts taking selfies of himself I was like Yeah man We're all just like No one is better No one is worse We're all just kind of here You kind of hope you'll transcend Being human by getting famous But it just doesn't really happen No it gets you Actually I think you You kind of become more sensitive In human because you're like Yeah you're like little things Bristle you because you're like I'm never I've not done that in a while Like you know Yeah Today I'm being like Shuttered around to a bunch of interviews Like Yeah where are you going I don't know I just like, but a normal person would have an eye on their schedule.

[189] Well, that's what I was, yeah, I was going to be curious because I kind of will watch that type of thing.

[190] And then my wife's the opposite.

[191] She'll just arrive places.

[192] She'll just put her head down and go through it.

[193] Yeah.

[194] And she, and then, which I think is a better approach.

[195] The only thing I really do take really, really, really seriously is like a comedic talk show appearance.

[196] I will write and sit and ruminate for months and months and months to like figure what I want to do and how I want to do it.

[197] Yeah.

[198] But that's only because.

[199] because I feel like that gets put, it's like that's also mine, like that little bit where I get to be on television with another comedian, like that's mine, you know?

[200] I, um, we have that in common.

[201] Like my, I weirdly talk show appearances have been my single favorite part of acting.

[202] I love it.

[203] Yeah, it's like, because I grew up loving talk shows.

[204] Me too.

[205] It's like, that's what I watched.

[206] Who are your favorites?

[207] Well, Letterman is the guy, you know, um, Carson, I watched.

[208] I was young enough to know.

[209] that it was good, you know, like, I remember being so enamored with, like, Robin Williams when he would go on Carson or something and, like, couldn't sit still and, you know, like, yes, he's, yes, yes, yes.

[210] You know, like, that was amazing to me. Yeah.

[211] And then, uh, Conan filled a, filled a real nice gap till I grew up a little into, like, the Daily Show in Colbert.

[212] So you were, you were too young to have gone on Letterman, right?

[213] I've never been on Letterman, no. But I've been on Conan a lot.

[214] And I also, when I was coming up in New York, they would call me I've been on Conan doing like oh in the audience stuff you're like bear costumes oh yeah so like I so I've maybe seen you in a bear costume probably or like I did one where I was in like an American speedo and I like flew across the screen uh -huh you know I was looking for work and young and you know they would call me yeah so uh that is cool to be like a guest and like part of that I just watched yesterday while I was at work I watched you on Conan in your snare devil oh my gosh that's such a trainer And I couldn't, here's what I couldn't decide.

[215] First of all, I love it.

[216] Okay, yes.

[217] So he goes on to Conan.

[218] Maybe you should describe it.

[219] Well, okay.

[220] I like going on Conan in making, doing like a bit, you know?

[221] So I'll dress up every time.

[222] I'll do like a different character or whatever.

[223] And so this last time I went on, I wanted to do a character called snare devil, which is like Daredevil, the superhero, but with a snared, but he's also like into percussion.

[224] and and and uh but i didn't i'm not a big like superhero right and so i screwed up who Deadpool and daredevil was so it's actually Deadpool oh there's not like a great rhyming pun like that for a drum so it didn't make sense and then and so like but i was in that Deadpool mask and it was so hot like first of all Ryan Reynolds should get every academy award that thing is no joke well while adam breathing in this costume, you can see that he's suffocating.

[225] Yes, I am.

[226] And by the way, I'm having so much like mirror neuron stuff happening when I'm watching you do that because that's something I 100 % would have done.

[227] And in fact, a couple things before we even get into how it all unraveled.

[228] I found that I pitched stuff like that pretty often early on.

[229] And they were like, no, you can't let come hijack the show.

[230] It took a lot early on.

[231] I still have like, you know, I'm doing a couple for this next thing and like they still tell me like no you know like they'll be like no they Stephen just wants to sit there and talk to you and I'm like well great but like I don't want to do that yeah yeah like so there's a little power struggle a little power struggle and then usually you end up compromising and the idea it gets worse and I really like that part of showbiz too it's it really it it feels workman like to me I like that feeling of like I'm going out promoting my movie air my show it's like this is what i do you know yeah i like i enjoy it um but i stress about it and again all the dudes i idolized growing up were guys who like crushed on letterman or conan yeah and that's who i was i weirdly was trying to be that more than i was trying to be any of the actors in the movies they were promoting a hundred percent as a very clear statement yes like i remember watching will feral do his first couple conans and be like that is it yeah that's the North Star.

[232] That's the North Star.

[233] And I love him on everything, but like those bits are amazing.

[234] That's like where he, I still find he did a bit on his last press junket.

[235] I think it was on Colbert or something where he had a bird on his shoulder.

[236] He didn't reference it.

[237] And then in the middle of the interview, he took a little snack out of his thing, feather bird.

[238] No, he's infuriatingly ahead.

[239] In that world.

[240] Like, like, so there was a small window where he and I had the same manager, right?

[241] And so I got this idea where I was like, I really want to be on a reenactment.

[242] Like, I want to be in one of those, you know, shows where, you're talking about.

[243] Yeah, it's like a murder show and then they go back to the guy.

[244] Like, like, shot from above.

[245] Yeah, true crime.

[246] No dialogue.

[247] You're just like trying to, you're basically a mime.

[248] It almost looks like the Sims.

[249] Yeah.

[250] Yeah, so I called him and I was like, hey, I really.

[251] really want to get on one of the reenactment of some kind and of course he goes oh yeah that reminds me so much of um feral uh wanted to be a dead body on nc i s and i'm like or one of those shows and i'm like was he's like oh yeah he's been a dead body twice on those shows and really nobody knows and i'm like oh my god that's so frustrating and then one time i went to a lakers game and inexplicably little feral's just one of those ushers with a red jacket on he's just there the whole game just standing as a hushar.

[252] That is like, he is, I feel like that is, you're right, that's the North Star.

[253] And his comedy is so, it's perfect.

[254] It's everything.

[255] It's perfect.

[256] It's, it's, it's unearned arrogance, and it's like, it's everything I want all the time.

[257] Somehow it's really too kind.

[258] It's all really kind and yet it works so well.

[259] Yeah, it's amazing.

[260] It's great.

[261] He's the goat.

[262] Yeah.

[263] Number one.

[264] So anyway, so you're on Conan, and he's in this very cumbersome outfit.

[265] Plus he has a snare drum on his lap and he has swords on his back so he can barely sit out.

[266] And what I was trying to figure out is like, okay, how much of this is going is planned?

[267] And then what part is really unraveling?

[268] Yeah.

[269] No, it, you know when you come out, it's going to be nearly impossible to sit down.

[270] Yeah.

[271] It all went the way I thought it was going to go.

[272] Okay, great.

[273] Yeah.

[274] And Conan knew that like.

[275] When you pulled off.

[276] That I was going to have a mask underneath.

[277] Yeah.

[278] So eventually he can't breathe at the point.

[279] Yeah.

[280] He's like, please take that off.

[281] And he goes, okay.

[282] and he takes it off.

[283] He goes, oh, this is so much better, but he's wearing another Super Carol mask.

[284] I'm wearing the actual daredevil mask.

[285] I got it right just in case.

[286] Yeah, but the stages, of course, you did know that you were in the wrong outfit.

[287] Yes.

[288] Yeah, yeah.

[289] I really like, that's, comedically, I really like to live in that very, like, simple space of, like, I did something wrong.

[290] Right.

[291] You're getting kind of caught in the middle of - Yes.

[292] I love that everyone knows that I'm wrong.

[293] Yeah.

[294] And they're like, well, he should probably just leave, you know, but I can't.

[295] So it's, it's, it's, I like that feeling.

[296] I think it's funny.

[297] So if you had this moment, here's, here's a moment on Conan that I had where, um, I, I, it's telling it in many ways.

[298] Well, um, chips came out and it was, and it bombed, right?

[299] But my fucking press interview for him was after the opening weekend.

[300] Oh.

[301] And I'm like, oh my God, what can be worse?

[302] Wasn't like a straight -up bomb?

[303] I don't, forgive me for it.

[304] It made exactly what we spent on it, but it certainly underperformed.

[305] Right, but it wasn't like one of those things that, like, on variety, it was like, no bite out of chips, right?

[306] Like, it was just like number four.

[307] Yeah, this bag of chips has gone stale.

[308] Yeah, it wasn't like that.

[309] No, but it wasn't great.

[310] In the bottom lines, I'm going to go there on Monday.

[311] Well, actually, you're kind of hitting the point that I realized, right?

[312] Which is so I go, fuck, I got to go out there and promote this movie that tanked.

[313] I'm going to try to own it in a different way.

[314] So it was the only thing.

[315] only comedy that weekend so i print up a shirt that says number one comedy in america right and then i come out and i'm like celebrating number one comedy in america and people are cheering it and i'm like and then conan's like but but it wasn't the number one movie and i'm like no no he wasn't you know some superhero movie oh yeah well that was the number one superhero movie and there's like three other movies ahead of it and i'm like well that's the number one young adult movie in america right it occurs to me while i'm doing this oh, I've let all my insecurities get the best of me. The audience has no idea the movie did bad.

[316] In my little narcissistic world, I think the whole world is laughing at me and embarrassed for me. They're just assuming it was a big hit.

[317] And I actually, mid -bit, it's like not going as I planned.

[318] I have to go, let's be honest, this thing shit the bad.

[319] And then finally, like, they're in on it.

[320] But I'm, like, totally just operating out of insecurity.

[321] Yeah, you know, it's interesting because comedy out of insecurity, never goes the way you wanted to it's it becomes desperate yeah and like what you were feeling was this this thing that was a defeat to you yes yeah but it was in truth is a great victory you made a movie that was in theater a year later I have that point of view yeah yeah no but when you're going through it's horrible it's gut wrenching I mean I made a dog movie last year I've been through it you know but but then you realize I was like, yeah, it's, I did a dog movie.

[322] My job is to go out and be funny on this show.

[323] And I got to be able to separate that from me being like, oh, God, did Ben Stiller ever do a dog movie?

[324] You know, like, who cares?

[325] Right.

[326] Who cares?

[327] It doesn't matter.

[328] Yeah.

[329] But it takes a lot to get there.

[330] It really does.

[331] And I'm still not.

[332] I mean, I'm bitter as hell.

[333] Yeah.

[334] Well, I would imagine I'm thinking like you're 36, right?

[335] Mm -hmm.

[336] And a lot of my final piece has come in like the last three years, right?

[337] Which was I was so singular focused on someone like Will Farrell or Adam Sandler, whoever, that I couldn't enjoy anything shy of that.

[338] And at a certain point, I was like, fuck, dude, you've been employed for 15 years.

[339] What did, like, you know, get real.

[340] And also, Kevin Smith told me this, like, amazing thing.

[341] I was lamenting to him about chips failing.

[342] And, of course, he's had some failures.

[343] And he goes, you know what my trick is?

[344] He goes, imagine going back to yourself, a 12 -year -old.

[345] year old Dax on a playground and going, hey, dude, when you grow up, you're going to direct this fucking movie chips with motorcycle stunts.

[346] It's going to be all over the place.

[347] He goes, do you think young Dax would go, oh my God, how much did it make?

[348] Yeah.

[349] I was like, oh, my God, you're right.

[350] I completely lost sight.

[351] Like I said, I've been through it.

[352] This is my fourth TV show and the others have not worked.

[353] Okay.

[354] They've got on air, but they don't, they're certainly not a around but you had five great years of gainful employment yes and it was three years of happy endings and two of midi and it was great and it was awesome uh but still both those shows got canceled you know right when i was on them you know and so you you take on like yes yes 100 % making history i when making history got canceled i don't think i like left my room for like a month really because yeah because it was like me front and center and and And, you know, it was reviewed well, which is great, but no one liked it.

[355] Like, no one, my family didn't like it.

[356] They did.

[357] You know, it was like a chore to watch.

[358] And I love it.

[359] And I think it's so funny, but it's just it didn't connect.

[360] So you, and then I was like, that's me. That's, that's my fault.

[361] But, uh, but are you able to get, I'm bitter?

[362] Are you able to get objective about like, ooh, maybe I can be within my lane, my point of view as a comedian yet put it in a package that's a little more palatable for I try I mean I think that that's the goal to me is like to keep your voice while getting people to see it and then you can push it right you gotta like kind of welcome people in yeah gently maybe yes of course I mean and that's always hard when you bust it in in your career you like bust in with this big loud character yeah and it's kind of abrasive but people like that so then you have to go well I'm not really abrasive I'm actually like kind of saw And soft and sweet.

[363] So now I want to bring you in this way, except my comedy is kind of hard edge.

[364] So it's a real toughy.

[365] Yeah.

[366] I say this all the time.

[367] It's like, it's really tricky for a comedian to recognize that what brought you to the party might not be the same thing that keeps you at the party.

[368] No. And you have to, you have to evolve.

[369] I don't do stand -up.

[370] I wish that I spent my years, honestly, like doing stand -up instead of improv.

[371] I feel like I would be better now if I had focused on myself a little more.

[372] I didn't work that hard.

[373] I mean, I was there every night and doing comedy, but I love improv and it's like what I was trained up, but there's something not exploratory.

[374] It's not very personal.

[375] Yeah, you're only going as far as the scene and you can find truth in the scene that's like exploring stuff, but you're not being like, this is what I think.

[376] This is what the world, this is how the world affects me. And I feel like I wasted some time not doing that.

[377] You know, you know what I mean?

[378] I know 100%.

[379] Yeah, I watch something like Chappelle.

[380] Yeah.

[381] And I'm like, I feel about Chappelle, how I used to feel about welfare, which is like, wow, look at this guy, bring you in with this comedy, and then teach you this thing about civil rights.

[382] To me, it's so powerful and like this awesome weapon you have as a comedian.

[383] Yes, and I oftentimes wish that I had more access to that for myself.

[384] Like, I wish I could access those parts of myself to, like, sit down and actually write something and then get on stage and perform that and perfect it and have it be of value.

[385] But that may not be my skill set.

[386] Well, have you tried, though?

[387] I've tried.

[388] And I've been on stage numerous times with a microphone, you know, like doing bits and stuff.

[389] But I have never, like, sat down and been like, these are the things I'm going to tackle.

[390] And it takes 10 years.

[391] I mean, like, you need 10 years to be good at it, like 10 full years.

[392] Yes.

[393] And that is a long, I don't have that.

[394] I got kids.

[395] You know, I don't have that drive to, like, get out after the kids go to bed and do like 15 clubs around the city.

[396] Like, no way, my friend.

[397] And we up at six with the kids.

[398] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[399] We've all been there.

[400] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[401] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[402] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[403] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[404] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[405] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[406] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[407] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[408] Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[409] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[410] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[411] And I don't mean just friends.

[412] I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[413] The list goes on.

[414] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[415] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[416] Yeah, I hear you.

[417] But I do, it's funny because you'll hear, like, I'm sure you consume all this different comedy stuff that I do like you watch sign you watch coffee cars with comedians I do I I both watch it and I hate watch it it's an odd phenomenon like I love it I also hate it okay tell me why I think I'm sure I know why you love it because it's these guys just like heroes heroes like you know driving around I hate it because I don't need to hear Jerry tell John Mullaney that he had the first black card oh you know what I mean I'm like oh you just stop being like Jerry trying to like you know be like hey young kid I'm very cool and I'm very rich and I haven't seen a lot of your comedy but people tell me you're interesting but you're not that interesting because I had the first American Express black card and I'm like you know that's where Jerry did me I'm like okay check out here so do you at any moment though think like oh Jerry's a human too and here's the new guard and here's a young guy Yes.

[418] And he's probably as confident and successful as Jerry is.

[419] He's probably nervous this younger guy thinks he's a hack or corny or goofy.

[420] Because I get that.

[421] Of course.

[422] And I love that.

[423] Even someone like you coming here, I'm like, oh, he probably thinks I'm a hacky.

[424] I've worked with everybody around you and everybody has such amazing things to say.

[425] So I never think that.

[426] Okay.

[427] But I, but like Jerry is like on a Mount Rushmore in a way.

[428] Oh, 100%.

[429] So like, and then he does have the reason I both hate it in love is because then he does have also these like, like great moments, like his moment with Galfinac.

[430] Yes, I'm so glad you just brought this up because, oh, that moment was the best moment ever.

[431] About how he was very upset, people were taking pictures of him.

[432] Yes.

[433] And Jerry goes, who cares?

[434] Yeah.

[435] That was like, I needed to hear that too.

[436] I needed to be like, that's right.

[437] You know, like, no one cares.

[438] We're all going to die.

[439] Get out and do your work.

[440] Like, yes.

[441] And Zach, and I love Zach.

[442] Me too.

[443] Personally, but I got a hero.

[444] And he was so hit.

[445] when Jerry said that.

[446] Like, you could tell he was like, uh -huh.

[447] Oh.

[448] It was my favorite moment on that whole series.

[449] It's the best moment of anything in the show.

[450] Because I can, at one time, I completely relate to Galaphanacus, which is a total loss of control.

[451] Like, someone's just filming you in your face and you can't do anything about it.

[452] But at the same time, then Jerry goes, I don't have any presumption of anonymity or privacy when I go out to a coffee shop.

[453] Like, you can't have that assumption of privacy and big fucking deal.

[454] And that was my favorite part.

[455] He goes, I love that speech.

[456] And then he goes at the end of it.

[457] And it's over in two seconds.

[458] Yeah.

[459] He's like, I walk outside my apartment and someone goes, hey, Jerry.

[460] And I go, hey.

[461] And it's over.

[462] Yes, that part of them is very aspirational.

[463] Yes.

[464] And I kept thinking when I was watching Zach talk about it, I was like, everyone should be sit down and talk to about this.

[465] A hundred percent.

[466] It's the number one thing that, like, when I've had friends who become weird in show business, it's like they all need to see that.

[467] Yes.

[468] Yes, it's a very easy trap.

[469] And again, I don't fault anyone because I do think it's just like we all have some desire of control in our life.

[470] And yeah, I've been really guilty of it.

[471] I also think at times, not now, but I've at times been like him, like seemingly ungrateful for the best things that have happened to me because maybe they weren't exactly what I wanted them to be and just go like, oh man, get over yourself.

[472] Yeah, well, moving to New York, I would say that.

[473] I these last two years have been a real like good emotional growth for me on that level because life hasn't gone the way I thought it would in a lot of ways.

[474] Uh -huh.

[475] And so when that happens, I think before that, you know, I had just had like a network TV, another show canceled and did a dog movie and like I was kind of bumming, you know, and then real stuff happened with my family and I had to go take care of it.

[476] Like parents stuff.

[477] and like and sisters having babies and like you and my mom's gone so like I had you know real life real life takes you forget about it then you do it and and I I don't spend as much time here like seeing everybody's new billboards and stuff and like yeah there's an it made me kind of like especially now that I have a show again it's like I feel very grateful and positive towards the process now oh good you know what I'm 100 % yeah that I two years of ago if I was in this chair, I think I'd be a little more like it's coming to me. Yeah.

[478] You just pointed out something that's never even occurred to me that like that's the unique torture of living in L .A. where you have to commute on sunset at some point.

[479] That's awful.

[480] Yeah.

[481] And sunset is building after building with peers with their face completely on the building.

[482] And it looks like they're promoting the hell out of it.

[483] And then you're like, oh, and they're not.

[484] They put those, they put those billboards strategically like based on where the star live.

[485] Oh yeah.

[486] They did that.

[487] By the way, I jokingly said in a in a chips marketing meeting.

[488] Like, I expect to see posters from my house all the way to my daughter's school every day.

[489] And by God, they were, I'm sure it only was in Los Feles.

[490] They were on like bus stops and shit.

[491] I'm convinced that the Champaign Ill New York billboard, there's one.

[492] Okay.

[493] There's one.

[494] They put it five blocks from my apartment.

[495] I'm convinced and it's not that big.

[496] It's like kind of small.

[497] And I'm convinced they did that.

[498] So they're like, make Adam happy.

[499] Yeah.

[500] It costs us.

[501] 10 Gs.

[502] Okay.

[503] Yeah.

[504] We can make them happy.

[505] Yeah.

[506] And I walk out.

[507] Then when I walk out, I saw it, I was like, Dad!

[508] Yes, it totally works.

[509] Yeah, it worked.

[510] Well, listen, I'm working right now with Alicia Cuthberg.

[511] Oh, my favorite.

[512] Yeah, isn't she the greatest?

[513] She is the greatest.

[514] She's so fucking funny.

[515] Yeah, she physically looks a lot like my wife.

[516] Well, similar size.

[517] Yeah, they have like a very pronounced jaw.

[518] Yeah, she's got, she, her, which they share with my wife as well, which is that like, blonde, round, large -headed, pointy chin that could, like, if she puts it in your back, it'll get out a knot.

[519] Absolutely.

[520] And it looks like she could take a punch from Oscar Day, La Jolla.

[521] Oh, Alicia.

[522] Solid jaw.

[523] Alicia has taken a couple weeks.

[524] Right.

[525] She's been through it.

[526] But she's like the hillbilly version of my wife, and I say that with love, because I am a hillbilly myself.

[527] Yeah.

[528] She's a hick from Canadian hit.

[529] Like, Calgary.

[530] Uh -huh.

[531] Who, like, Alicia could, like, skin a bear and limit it if she had to.

[532] Yes.

[533] And she's also, like, one of the most beautiful.

[534] women on the planet.

[535] She's a real, she's awesome.

[536] She's awesome.

[537] Yeah.

[538] Crazy fun special, Gail.

[539] But so yesterday I saw her at work and I said, oh, hey, I'm, I'm interviewing Adam tomorrow.

[540] What are your thoughts?

[541] Which is always like a fun question.

[542] To ask someone who's worked with someone for three years.

[543] Oh, my God.

[544] What's she going to say?

[545] No, she just straight loves you.

[546] Oh, good.

[547] Yeah.

[548] And she said, because you have a reputation of going rogue a bit at times but but you made an impromptu speech at her wedding it wasn't impruch she asked me to speak I didn't like yeah I didn't like drunkenly walk up there and start speaking no we were all there all the whole cast was there uh -huh and she wanted someone to speak from like Hollywood mm -hmm and I did you raised your hand I then I was drunk and I was like I'll do it uh -huh and then I and I gave a speech oh so it was impromptu in that way yes it wasn't told a week No, no, I was told at the wedding like, hey, Alicia would love someone from this table to say something.

[549] I was like, all right, I'll do it.

[550] Right.

[551] And she told me that Adam got up and they had really fancy menus.

[552] And he just read the menu.

[553] Which is fantastic.

[554] And she said, but I was also filled with anxiety because you don't know where it's going to go.

[555] And then at one point you did, you made fun of the Catholic priest a little bit, maybe.

[556] A little bit, but he had to.

[557] It was just a long therapy.

[558] It was a long ceremony.

[559] I was more just like, you know, wanted to remind him that there were people of other faith in that church.

[560] Put on his place a little bit.

[561] Yeah, let's do the Cliff Notes version of this.

[562] Yeah.

[563] They're long those Catholic ceremonies.

[564] The Catholic wedding, a Jewish wedding, it's like, you cool with this?

[565] Yeah, break that glass, make out in front of your family.

[566] Everyone, like, let's go drink bad wine.

[567] And then it's great.

[568] you practicing Jewish?

[569] I'm not practicing but I do feel lately more vocal I think it's important meaning owning your Jewishness owning the fact because I do it a lot self -effacingly you know it's like a big part of my comedy like you know Alan King style like oh I'm a Jew but lately especially like the way things are going now I think it's important to own it Like, I don't believe in religion, really.

[570] I think it's pretty hard.

[571] But I do believe in, like, I tell all my Jewish friends and people that are just, like, we're not white.

[572] And I think it's important.

[573] For some reason, like, our parents' generation assimilated so hard that they were like, we're white, we're white, we're okay.

[574] And it's, like, very important to know that you are not white.

[575] You are not okay.

[576] And that when the shit hits the band.

[577] Well, did that march in Charlottville remind you that?

[578] Charlottville was big.

[579] Pittsburgh drove me nuts.

[580] Pittsburgh, like, scared me hard.

[581] Yeah.

[582] You know, my kids go to a Jewish preschool.

[583] You know, it's like, that was real.

[584] That was very real for me. I really felt it.

[585] Yeah.

[586] Now, Charlottesville, I'm sure you watch coverage of that.

[587] Uh -huh.

[588] The fact that they were saying Jews, you won't replace me. Yeah.

[589] I don't get that.

[590] Do you think a lot of Jews are gunning for their jobs?

[591] No. That was a very confused.

[592] They've never met a Jew.

[593] There's no Jews there.

[594] Right.

[595] There's no Jews in South Carolina.

[596] There aren't.

[597] And if they are.

[598] there they run the general store like deadwood style uh -huh so so the term jew is mythical it's just this thing that like you know that's why like george soros is code for like this jewish kind of illuminati that doesn't exist no like yeah they hate sorrows hey soros he's just a rich jew and well he's just a lefty yeah it's not any he's not uniquely left no he's just a well -funded Really well -funded left -eat -jew.

[599] Although, in their defense, I always like to try to be fair.

[600] We certainly do that to the Koch brothers.

[601] We see them as like Darth Vader.

[602] Yes.

[603] They're also funding like, I met somebody, I think maybe in the prostate cancer, I work with prostate cancer awareness.

[604] I want to say that someone was like, no, I like the Koch brothers.

[605] They funded more cancer research than anybody in the country.

[606] Oh, that's, I guess you don't hear that in my town.

[607] Yeah, everyone's got a yin and yang on what they actually do.

[608] But I do feel, I don't know, I feel a little bit like the reason that they don't.

[609] uh no and they they were so wrong about like jews will not replace us is i think it speaks more to an age thing that i'm noticing lately with like young people i mean you you're in the you are the guy from the movie that represents it so it's funny to be here talking to you but like what idiocry yeah oh yeah like but like people are dumber in a way and because they can speak to you really easily and speak freely ideas that Without someone correcting someone, then become like real ideas without anyone going like, hey, well, they said, yes, somehow reading ideas seems to validate them.

[610] I think because of our like old version of the only time we read was like a newspaper, which was vetted in research.

[611] So it's like you have this association with reading things that kind of validates them.

[612] And learning.

[613] People are so entitled about what they know and they don't know that it's a weakness not to know something.

[614] To acknowledge that you don't know something you need to learn it would be weak.

[615] Yeah.

[616] Like the example I would use is the foo fighters.

[617] Dave Grohl did like this, you know, he does it sometimes like he brings the whole Nirvana band back together and then he has a bunch of people sing like Joan Jett.

[618] Oh, that's cool.

[619] Yeah, super cool is all for charity.

[620] I worship Dave Grohl.

[621] He's the greatest.

[622] Yeah.

[623] And so he had a bunch of super cool people come and sing lead for Nirvana.

[624] And then he did one.

[625] and I was watching it on YouTube, you know, being like, this is so cool.

[626] And then I, like an idiot, scroll down to the comments.

[627] And the comment section is so crazy.

[628] There are, like, 75 % of the comment section is like, how dare the foo fighters cover Nirvana?

[629] Oh, my God.

[630] For real.

[631] Yeah.

[632] And then they genuinely have no idea.

[633] And then one guy reads that or girl read that.

[634] and they catch on, then they write something, and they're like, for real, man, if I had to pick a band to do this, it would not be the foo fighters.

[635] It would not be some of the members of Nirvana.

[636] Yeah, and then, like, another thing is like, Dave Grohl should never touch these songs.

[637] These are curts.

[638] And you're like, this is crazy.

[639] These are 10 -year -olds, 13 -year -olds, 15 -year -olds, like, who just don't know and didn't bother to look.

[640] Yeah.

[641] You know that the nalgae I always use is, like, everyone knows when you're on your way into seven, 11 and you see a guy with a sleeping bag on the ground and a parrot on his shoulder, you're not going to engage with that gentleman.

[642] You're just like, you know, he's probably got a different world view than I do.

[643] And they'll probably not intersect.

[644] Yeah.

[645] Yet I give everyone online this kind of credit of being a normal sane human being.

[646] And I got to remind myself, many of the people commenting are the dude with a parrot on his shoulder.

[647] Yeah.

[648] And I got into it, I, first of all, I clap back online.

[649] Is that what you call it?

[650] Yeah.

[651] I clap back way too much.

[652] Yes.

[653] Because I have a thin skin a little bit and like I'm easily baited me too so I and like I feel the need to be like you idiot you know but which doesn't do anything no but like I recently got into it so the the title of my new show is called champagne ill right which is like ILLL ILL play on Illinois so we released a trailer and on Twitter I got like I would say spammed would be the word by people who live in champagne Illinois okay who are pissed mm -hmm that we didn't shoot it there.

[654] Oh, okay.

[655] Which is like...

[656] So I flipped out, you know, because I'm like, you know, in an Uber being like, the hell?

[657] Uh -huh.

[658] And I start, like, losing it.

[659] I'm like, you fucking idiot.

[660] What do you think they shot Star Wars in space?

[661] You think the toys really come alive when we walk out of the room, you fucking dummy?

[662] Like...

[663] And then he...

[664] And then they write back to me, well, it still would have been nice to...

[665] And he's like, oh, I'm already.

[666] arguing with insane people.

[667] Jaws was not, you think that there's a real shark there?

[668] Yeah.

[669] It's like being like, oh, I can't believe they harm that giant shark.

[670] Like it makes no, it's so dumb.

[671] It's so dumb.

[672] But so do you drill down deep?

[673] Because I try to look for the pattern of things that I get irate about.

[674] And there's a ton of stuff that just rolls off my back.

[675] And then there are certain things, like I'll tell you the one for this podcast that drives me bonkers.

[676] Is you don't have enough diversity.

[677] I read that what is probably just an innocent desire for more perspective.

[678] I read it as an accusation that I'm a racist.

[679] Right.

[680] So when I start defending from a place that I'm not a racist, I'm just, I'm out of control.

[681] Well, also, no, I do.

[682] Yeah, you look right.

[683] I have several times.

[684] Yeah, you're like, I'm not right.

[685] Why am I saying this?

[686] Yes, but because it attacks maybe like a core value I do think I have, I overreact.

[687] So I'm wondering if the Champaign, Illinois thing for you is like, you think I am a nice person and I am trying to celebrate your town.

[688] And now you're accusing me of having harmed your town.

[689] Yeah.

[690] Is that what's going on?

[691] Yes.

[692] I think I think I would, because I did say in one of them when I got really heated, I was like, if someone had made a TV show about my hometown with two comedians when I was a kid, we psyched.

[693] Uh -huh.

[694] And of course he wrote back like, Who are the comedians?

[695] I was like, You have a motherfucker!

[696] Oh, that's good.

[697] I love every now and then, too, you're completely bested.

[698] Oh, I'm all that time.

[699] I'm bested all that.

[700] I'm owned.

[701] I'm owned.

[702] Terrible.

[703] I clap back.

[704] I really kind of like that.

[705] Yeah, I clap back too much.

[706] But also, then do you go through this?

[707] Because, first of all, I regret doing it, always.

[708] I delete them, like, an hour later.

[709] Yeah.

[710] And I go back and I'm like, Kevin Harding it.

[711] Yes.

[712] And I'm embarrassed.

[713] I'm so easily ensnared.

[714] Yep.

[715] And I'm embarrassed that I punched down.

[716] I'm up here, like, kind of king of my own castle.

[717] I should have no, they should, that shouldn't even hit my windshield.

[718] Exactly.

[719] But I'm a human being and I, it's hard.

[720] I read those things in an hour later.

[721] I'm still thinking about them.

[722] Yeah.

[723] But do you also have the other layer of like, oh man, I blew by 12 comments from people saying I love you?

[724] And then I gave attention to someone who said I hated you.

[725] Yeah.

[726] I think that's the performer's dilemma.

[727] Ah.

[728] Where like we are trying to fill a hole with laughter or praise or applause or definitely approval, attention definitely.

[729] And getting it does not really work.

[730] No. And so you're always going to look at the thing that you didn't, it's like even when you get it, it doesn't fill that hole.

[731] So the first thing you go to is the one negative thing because that's what you can like actually feel.

[732] can actually touch that, you know?

[733] I think that even transitions into my relationships that have gone the distance, which is, as a comedian searching for approval, I need the person I'm in love with to be withholding just enough approval from me. Do you have that?

[734] Oh, yeah.

[735] My wife hates me. Okay.

[736] And I love it.

[737] My wife hates me. I love it.

[738] No, I, I, my wife and I have a really beautiful, romantic story.

[739] And we were together in.

[740] high school and then we broke up and like found each other again.

[741] I love it so much the life and like how we get to do it together.

[742] Yeah.

[743] She just does not give a shit about me and my career.

[744] Mm -hmm.

[745] And I don't think it would work for me if someone did.

[746] I think I would just instantly be like, what?

[747] I don't care.

[748] Like the fact that you care makes me not care.

[749] A thousand percent.

[750] And I want to, I'm always looking for her to laugh and she never laughs.

[751] It's like that that makes me love her more.

[752] Yeah, you want someone to support you.

[753] Yeah.

[754] But you don't.

[755] don't want a fan no you don't want a fan so what what grade in high school did you get together uh senior year she's a year older than me so she left well done i was a junior she left and then we didn't we were like talking but you know and then she she she go away to college and want to make out with football players i assume yeah yeah what i hope she did football players cheerleaders whatever she did and um how long were you broken up before you five years okay yeah we like got to be people that's really helpful yes It is very helpful to find out who you are.

[756] Yeah.

[757] Yeah, we needed that.

[758] But my parents are high school sweethearts and her parents are high school sweethearts.

[759] Okay.

[760] And so when we reconnected, it was so like, I just want to say, like, when you put a key in a lock and it turns and you have that nice feeling of like, oh, the lock comes down, it like fits.

[761] You're like, this is perfect.

[762] Uh -huh.

[763] So you get out of high school.

[764] You grew up in New York.

[765] Your dad's a doctor.

[766] My dad, well, my, my parents were actors and in a rock band.

[767] Oh, really?

[768] When I was a kid.

[769] Yeah.

[770] My parents were in a rock band called Pally and Pall.

[771] That toured the cat skills.

[772] Was Mom Pall?

[773] Mom was Pall.

[774] Okay.

[775] Until she became Pally.

[776] Uh -huh.

[777] And they would do stuff like my dad would be playing piano and my mom would like climb on the piano and be like, you know what the most important thing in the world is, Stephen?

[778] And my dad would be like, what's that Karen?

[779] She'd be like friends.

[780] My dad would be like, oh, you got to have friends.

[781] And they, like, play that song.

[782] Is there, like, eight millimeter of it?

[783] In the 70s, but there's a lot of audio, a ton of audio.

[784] Oh, that's great.

[785] So, and, like, we have all their old headshots and stuff.

[786] Posters.

[787] It's cool.

[788] But so then my dad was an actor in New York, you know, like, going out for soap operas and whatnot.

[789] No kidding.

[790] Until I was, like, seven.

[791] I have a younger, two younger sisters.

[792] But the third one wasn't there yet.

[793] My second one was there.

[794] Second sister.

[795] And he was like, you know what?

[796] I don't love this.

[797] And so he moved us to Chicago.

[798] And he went to medical school at University of Chicago.

[799] And then when I was 11, he moved us back to New Jersey.

[800] Okay.

[801] And so, and then he was a doctor.

[802] So I've known him and my mom in like very different lives.

[803] Yeah.

[804] So you were in Chicago from what age to 11?

[805] 7 to 11.

[806] 7 to 11.

[807] That's why my accent is like, you know, that's when you like form your accent.

[808] Yeah.

[809] That's why I sound like I'm like a dittka.

[810] Uh -huh.

[811] yeah so that so um my dad is a doctor now so you've also similarly to me i think lived in hugely different socioeconomic strata's at different points yeah we were broke most of my life until we until we moved to new jersey and he had a practice we had no we had no money so we lived like the three of us were in stuyvesant town in like a one -bedroom apartment uh -huh my childhood yeah and so you you probably do your younger siblings like my sister's life compared to my It's vast difference.

[812] That's why my little sister's so fucking lazy.

[813] So she wouldn't even like pick me up at the airport.

[814] Good for her.

[815] I'm like, that's because you were born rich.

[816] My sister's not lazy at all.

[817] But she did go to like a private school and stuff.

[818] Yeah, so different.

[819] Yeah.

[820] But how did you end up getting into the actor studio?

[821] I was at the University of Arizona for two years.

[822] And I had a really good time, but I like was not going to make it.

[823] You like go to Havasu and shit?

[824] I didn't do that because I'm a Jew.

[825] Like they went Jews and Havasu, but like I did like...

[826] It's not a safe space.

[827] No, but like I would come here and I would go to Vegas and like, you know, I was like, yeah, I wasn't going to make it.

[828] Yeah.

[829] So I made a movie on 16mm during a break and sent it to the new school and I got in.

[830] And so I was like, all right, maybe I should do that.

[831] Then I got to New York and instantly was like, oh, the new school.

[832] This is bad to say, but it's like, this is great, but I really should be at the Upright Citizens Brigade every night.

[833] Right.

[834] Like, that's where it's at.

[835] Right.

[836] And so you were doing both.

[837] You're going to UCB at night.

[838] I was doing college during the day and like interning at the theater every night.

[839] Okay.

[840] Throwing up bottles and shit.

[841] Right.

[842] You're a good.

[843] I've seen you.

[844] Like, I saw you in Night Owl.

[845] I think was the first thing I saw you in.

[846] Thank you.

[847] Yeah.

[848] Like, act.

[849] And you're incredibly natural and wonderful.

[850] Oh, thank you.

[851] Do you attribute it to that?

[852] Yes.

[853] I think acting school is tough.

[854] I think it's like, you really do it to erase this like one thing that you have to learn to erase which is embarrassment you know self -consciousness yeah it's like actors can't do that I can be embarrassed during the day like now I feel embarrassed so my belly is like touching my mantis but like if we were shooting and you're directing you're like okay so you take your shirt off I'd be like yep it's like I don't I can't be embarrassed and I think that's what acting school really does to you because you walk in you're like super nervous and you're still trying to get laid to so want to look cool and then they go okay get in a leotard and put on a lion mask yes act like an animal yeah and you're like and like you hate it and it's it's dumb it really is dumb yeah but at the same time after you've done that it doesn't seem so scary to like get naked and sit on an apple box till deniro walks in the room you know which i've never had to do but i just was like thinking of a scary thing sure yeah now in um james lipton how does he fit into that place i don't know what the politics of it are anymore but when when i graduated they had a rule that you had to go see and and have a your attendance taken at two actor studios so i i've obviously didn't pay attention to that and then had to run and the last one i got was jennifer lopez um it's a super funny story because you asked her on a date when you asked your question yeah it's kind of now like it doesn't That bit doesn't hold up great.

[855] Oh, right.

[856] You know, it's like, why did I ask her out?

[857] Well, because it was 2000 what?

[858] Yeah, I was really, I guess I am in the patriarchy.

[859] Because it turns out.

[860] Yeah.

[861] All I gleaned from that was like, oh, you loved out of sight too?

[862] That's one of my favorite movies.

[863] The best.

[864] Isn't that movie?

[865] The best.

[866] And if you heard the behind the scene stuff that those two didn't get along?

[867] Who, Clooney and Lopez?

[868] Yeah.

[869] Yeah.

[870] And the fucking chemistry is so hot.

[871] I've never seen.

[872] In that trunk?

[873] Oh, that.

[874] And he's like, and he's got his hand on her butt and he's like tapping his fingers.

[875] It's so hot.

[876] It's so hot.

[877] In the red light in the trunk of the brake lights.

[878] That's vintage Sadaver.

[879] I wanted Monica really bad to watch it with me because it's one of my all -time favorites.

[880] I hadn't seen it.

[881] Did you like it?

[882] I did.

[883] But it didn't.

[884] And while I was watching it with her, I was starting getting self -conscious.

[885] It doesn't hold up.

[886] What it is is it's the first step towards Ocean's 11.

[887] Right.

[888] You know what I'm saying?

[889] Like it is, it is paradigm shattering at that time.

[890] But Monica liked it, but of course, I could see it wasn't the experience that I had because it wasn't, it wasn't groundbreaking for her now after seeing Oceans 11 and all these other things that had this snappy, fun, musically driven vibe.

[891] I mean, I felt that way, like, one of them, I was shown, like, with Nail and I, and I love that movie, right?

[892] Like, I was like, oh, this is the precursor to, like, wow, like, Rogan's shit, I think is, like, kind of reminiscent of with Nail and I, like, dudes hanging out is.

[893] is kind of with Nail and I in a lot of ways.

[894] And then I showed it to my wife.

[895] And she was like, all right.

[896] I mean, do we have to watch the whole thing?

[897] I think I got the tone and the vibe.

[898] And she's like, I see why you love this.

[899] Can I go in another room?

[900] It had been a little overhyped to me because by the time I saw it, it was already 10 years old.

[901] And, you know, comedians tend to love that movie.

[902] They do, they do.

[903] But I needed to see it because I realized that I had been doing that schicks without ever seeing where it came from.

[904] Right, which can totally happen, right?

[905] Yes, yes.

[906] totally because there's so many variations of that now yeah but i needed to see where like that's kind of where a lot of my shit comes from stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare um i will think of myself as a coward if we leave this interview without me bringing up a couple things oh god what do you think of that set up i feel like we're going to fight no we're not going to fight you're so much bigger than i think i relate um i think i have a lot of similar instinct to you um i watched a couple clips i watched this this thing are you presenting at the shorthy and i watched that before i ever met you and even before i asked alicia what kind of guy you were yeah and i was like oh he he can be mean yeah yeah and what i'm very mean yeah what tell but you're not clearly at all i don't think i am i can be yeah walk me through that um i had i had to present three awards and they told me it was going to be like a chunk of time oh okay and so they were very loose about it you know because yeah yeah yeah and they were like you know the shorties yeah they're like you can read the pronoun but like be funny okay so it's like okay and then that's what was funny to me right that you know this was going on right so just in a nutshell it's a an award show for it's an award show for branded content right right right so yeah yeah So for me, I would have just been like, I'm not going to do that.

[907] Yeah.

[908] You know, like, I don't want to go to that.

[909] I didn't look at the junket.

[910] I was like, I had a movie coming out.

[911] And I was like, where am I going?

[912] What is going on?

[913] It was on a schedule.

[914] Okay, you kind of just woke up at something you didn't want to be at.

[915] Kind of.

[916] But it wasn't even that I didn't want to be there.

[917] It was like, I would have said yes to do it because that's part of the job is that you have to do it.

[918] It was more I was asked to be funny.

[919] And the funny thing to me was how.

[920] serious it was being taken for what it is and like there was yeah because the the video package you introduced monica is basically like people on instagram who have um breathed life into different products yeah oh god so the clips that he shows are you know it's just objectively bonkers it's like like that we all have to be like and and these people who made this campaign for spright remix such an amazing job and like but but at the same time There was another part of me. It was like, oh, those people are in the audience.

[921] That is the big thing in their life.

[922] Yeah, but I look at like Kimmel, who's a mutual friend of ours.

[923] Right.

[924] Jimmy, who I talked to the next day.

[925] Sure.

[926] Which, by the way, is straight up his alley.

[927] That's a bull's eye for him.

[928] And that's why he reached out to me, thank God, because I was really nervous.

[929] Oh, was there?

[930] Yeah, a lot of blowback.

[931] Yeah, a lot of blowback.

[932] Okay.

[933] Well, sorry, brother.

[934] No, no, no. That's okay.

[935] I don't mind.

[936] But I told him, I was like, while I was doing it, I just kept, feeling like I was watching you do what you do at the up fronts which is like every year ABC flies him to New York and he goes out there and he destroys them and they clap and they love it but again that goes back to this like new wave thing where like I I just don't think that people have the same sense of humor that they once did well another little distinction I would just make is that he's pretty much making fun of you know very well paid famous actors and huge successful show creators in that.

[937] So it's like the butt of the joke seems like they're lofty enough that they can stomach it.

[938] It seemed the same thing to me. We're at an award show.

[939] I mean, these people are dressed up black tie.

[940] You know, they're clearly paid.

[941] They're getting money from these brands.

[942] Like, can't we take, if there's anyone that can, like, have the piss taken out of them, it's branded content stars, right?

[943] But no, it's not.

[944] And what did Jimmy say?

[945] Jimmy was like, don't, don't apologize.

[946] which I think he would tell me to apologize if I was wrong.

[947] He would, yeah, yeah.

[948] I think he would be the first one, but he was like, I think what he meant by it was like when you eventually do need to apologize, if you've apologized for this, it won't mean the same thing.

[949] That's true.

[950] Yeah, because we're all going to fuck up pushing the boundaries.

[951] Yeah, I'm going to have to.

[952] Yeah, I'm going to have to apologize.

[953] Jimmy's fucked up, you know?

[954] Yes.

[955] So I eventually will have to, and I think that you've got to be really careful about what you do it for right that's interesting now do you in general like roasts no i think i can take it like i don't know what would honestly like i don't know what they would say that would like make me nuts right there's no b side to those jokes you know like uh yeah it just is not i don't the situation is not being called out enough for me like no one's talking about what's actually happening like we're making these jokes about your fat, your career, you know, I mean, but no one's else talking about the fact that, like, we're all paid to be here to do, no one's doing well.

[956] Right.

[957] We're roasting.

[958] Right, right.

[959] You know, there's no self -awareness in it.

[960] Well, and I think that's even driving the - Yeah, the anger.

[961] Yeah, that's why I can't.

[962] I don't like it.

[963] The whole thing just seems very unhealthy to me. Yeah, I don't like.

[964] And I can also admit, like, I'm just too sensitive for that.

[965] I don't, I try to avoid hearing negative shit about myself because it affects me. And why on earth would a, you know, human being?

[966] Yeah, and the same way I wouldn't sit down and eat like, you know, chocolate -covered French fries for breakfast.

[967] I just, you know, I'm going to try to avoid.

[968] That French fry article this week was a real killer.

[969] Did you see it?

[970] No, what was that?

[971] French fries are like worse than cigarettes.

[972] No. Oh, my God.

[973] Yeah, because of the concentration of the grease, like, just the way they're formed.

[974] Oh, I believe it.

[975] They're too fucking good.

[976] I know when some french fry, too good to be true.

[977] Each French fry you eat is, like, horrible.

[978] is a pack of camels like horrible were you ever a smoker um no i i'm a big time i'm a big time you know jew maintenance pot head i've pointed this out in here in the past it's very curious to me and i and i like it um so i've been sober for 14 years congratulations uh thank you and i've so i've been to a trillion a a meeting and i see a bunch of different types of people and there's a weird of this anecdotal i haven't done a blind study but when jewish folks are in recovery, they are, I think, disproportionately there for weed.

[979] Like, I don't know what it is about...

[980] Choosing weed?

[981] Yeah, kind of like Irish folks and alcohol.

[982] I think there's something there.

[983] Sure, sure.

[984] Well, weed is prevalent in a lot of cultures.

[985] Oh, for sure.

[986] I would say, like, weed is around for us.

[987] I have nothing to base this on, but it is...

[988] I think it does.

[989] I'm clinically depressed as I think a lot of comedians and actors are.

[990] Yeah.

[991] I think now just Americans, by the way.

[992] Yes, America.

[993] I think that weed is a, you know, for me, it helps me in a lot of ways.

[994] Like, it's a distresser.

[995] Your life is more enjoyable.

[996] Yeah, I think it's just like a good little thing.

[997] Yeah.

[998] And it doesn't take me out of stuff.

[999] Like, I definitely pay a stoner tax.

[1000] Like, I lose sunglasses and baseball hats like nobody's business.

[1001] But I think the positives of it are really helpful for me. they outweigh yeah they outweigh from everything from like digestion to uh anxiety uh -huh yeah and i think jews i don't know why for jews i don't want to like you know there's so many jokes you can make like that we're always like you know no we're going to get chased out and the anxiety right but i i donald glover i was reading an article with him because he he's he's been really kind of focused on the marijuana in like the young black man getting him on it or all that of it not either he's just obsessed with the the fact that like a lot of so it's so prevalent yeah and tied and I think that it might be with Jews too and what he says is like there's a PTSD factor from it where it's like a soothing you know thing because so it's so stressful to be a young black man fuck yeah every day so there's like this distresser and I I would never say that Jews have even a modicum of that but I do think we were brought up to fear right what what's going to happen.

[1002] And so for the yuppy, you know, everyday Jew, weed can kind of like, like a breath.

[1003] It is a weird thing because we brush it off, you know, like in the same way that we say to black folks, like, well, slavery ended in 1860.

[1004] What do you know, similarly, you know, World War II was 70 years ago.

[1005] And, you know, I'm sure you had grandparents who witnessed all that.

[1006] And to think that that, like that that's not baked in culturally yeah mentally as the moment you're born yeah you know that's there because your parents felt it and now you felt it and like i i'm a little holistically new wave about that stuff but i do believe that stress gets passed down through the baby like without them knowing just knowing there was a moment in history where all of the folks like you were rounded up and just minimally you go well i know it's an option it happened it's definitive and then it like triggers me a little is that there's so little of us.

[1007] Like when those censuses come out, it is so shocking how many Jews, there's no, there's no Jews.

[1008] Really?

[1009] In the United States?

[1010] Like, what's the national population?

[1011] I don't know it.

[1012] I don't, anyone have their phone?

[1013] I'll find out.

[1014] Oh, what's the phrase, say the phrase that I thought was Skatoma, but it's not.

[1015] Bader Meinhauf.

[1016] Bader Meinhauf.

[1017] I suffer from Bader Meinhauf because I grew up in Michigan close to West Bloomfield.

[1018] All my dad's girlfriends were Jewish.

[1019] My brother converted.

[1020] I now live in L .A. what tons of Jews.

[1021] I think that the country is 10 % Jewish.

[1022] Me too.

[1023] I grew up in New York and I spent my career in L .A. and a little time in Chicago.

[1024] Right.

[1025] Jews are, I thought that's just part of it.

[1026] Yeah.

[1027] But that's why I've, like I was saying before about not being white, it's like when you see that census, I think it might be less than 1%.

[1028] Right.

[1029] There are no Jews.

[1030] And the reason that is, is because we're all immigrants, but six million of us didn't get to come here.

[1031] Right.

[1032] How many are in Israel, do we know?

[1033] Not that.

[1034] Israel is the size of road.

[1035] Island.

[1036] You know, Israel is one of the smallest countries in the world.

[1037] Israel's this thing.

[1038] Should I buy it?

[1039] I don't think right now is the time.

[1040] I let that value go down a little.

[1041] It's a distressed property.

[1042] We would call it, we would label it a distress property.

[1043] Don't build no hotels on that.

[1044] I did see, I, the reason I got sober is I love cocaine.

[1045] I fucking love it.

[1046] So do I. Really enjoy it.

[1047] You got arrested once.

[1048] I did.

[1049] Yeah.

[1050] This is my ultimate fear come true.

[1051] I just want to tell you one quick story.

[1052] Go for it.

[1053] When I was doing idiotocracy, I would get sober for movies, but I went down a week early for a table read.

[1054] And then after the table read, in Austin.

[1055] Okay.

[1056] So after the table read, I found myself out on 6th Street.

[1057] I found myself with a bag of cocaine.

[1058] I was up all night.

[1059] I had to take a flight back to L .A. I'm in the, like, first class lounge, and then I want to go do some.

[1060] And then I go into the bathroom.

[1061] And then I don't want the, I've already gone through security with it, mind you.

[1062] Which is crazy.

[1063] Stupid and fucking crazy.

[1064] But I hide it in this toilet dispenser in the handicapped stall, right?

[1065] I go in there and do a couple bumps.

[1066] and then I go back to the bar and have a couple of jacking diets.

[1067] Yeah, of course.

[1068] And then I had back into the handicapped stall and I reach up there to grab it and it's gone.

[1069] Right.

[1070] And I now am convinced that when I exit this handicapped stall, there's going to be like eight TSA guards or whoever would crack down.

[1071] I'm convinced the whole thing's this thing somehow.

[1072] And I stay in the stall for like 20 minutes convinced I'm going to jail right before the movie starts.

[1073] Yeah.

[1074] So I have lived with the panic of.

[1075] You're making my, I'm sweating, right now hearing the story, making me feel terrible.

[1076] Yeah, no, it sucks.

[1077] It sucks.

[1078] Mine was just, like, bad luck.

[1079] It was my 34th birthday.

[1080] Uh -huh.

[1081] And I went out in New York and was, like, tearing it up.

[1082] And didn't even, someone passed it to me. Didn't even realize that I, like, had it on me. You were the last guy to go run to the bathroom?

[1083] I didn't even get to the bathroom because my other buddy was like, let's go have a cigarette outside.

[1084] We went outside, and then he was smoking weed.

[1085] Okay.

[1086] And we were on, like, 54th Street, which is what I learned after my arrest was like, New York City, if anyone's listening, like, do not smoke weed.

[1087] It is not cool.

[1088] Like, people smoke weed on the street in New York City, like, it's nothing.

[1089] Yeah.

[1090] You can do that if you're not anywhere from like 34th to 57th Street.

[1091] Those, that's the no, no smoke zone.

[1092] Since 9 -11, that is just like all those buildings are filled with FBI.

[1093] Okay.

[1094] It's like cops all over New York.

[1095] They all are in this one area.

[1096] And I was just like smoking weed brazenly right there.

[1097] Sure.

[1098] And because you guys have medical marijuana in New York?

[1099] No, we don't have anything.

[1100] You don't have anything?

[1101] It's illegal.

[1102] Oh my gosh.

[1103] New York?

[1104] Yeah, and I lived here at the time.

[1105] So I was like thought.

[1106] Yeah, you're allowed to smoke anywhere.

[1107] I was like just smoking a weed on the street.

[1108] Yeah.

[1109] But you can't.

[1110] And then the cops came up to me and they like cuffed me and searched me. and then the next thing I did was Google me. And then I started crying instantly.

[1111] You did.

[1112] As soon as they came up to me, I started hysterically crying.

[1113] Oh, man. I'm getting arrested.

[1114] My career is over.

[1115] Oh, and did they make headlines or anything?

[1116] Oh, yeah.

[1117] It's still the number one.

[1118] If you, because I have this like, also this crazy, like, right wing enemy faction because of the president show.

[1119] Uh -huh.

[1120] They're digging at all times.

[1121] If you Google me, it's right there.

[1122] Oh, that comes up.

[1123] get it moved down.

[1124] Even ahead of gay, because let me just say for people don't know, like, I had an actor friend of mine.

[1125] He goes, look, I think a lot of people think I'm gay.

[1126] And I said, why is that?

[1127] He goes, well, type in my name and the first suggestion is gay.

[1128] And then I do it.

[1129] I go, oh, wow, yeah.

[1130] But then I just decided, type in my own name.

[1131] Same thing, is gay.

[1132] This is the number one.

[1133] Yeah.

[1134] I do have a lot of that because I played a gay character.

[1135] Okay.

[1136] So I do get a lot of that.

[1137] But I think, though, every single person.

[1138] Human has that.

[1139] Yeah.

[1140] And then it goes wife.

[1141] Right, right.

[1142] like gay wife and then how much money but uh yeah so if you google it even just googling my name now it's like the first thing that comes up and i have to take all these insurance tests for movies oh you do and did you have to make like a statement or anything no no okay kept it moving put my head down it's like hey man uh price of admission with old adam sometimes you're gonna end up on the ground and do you think you have stayed in the zone of it being everything being fine as far as partying or do you have moments where you're like oh i gotta rain this in or oh is it as all humans reach a certain age you have to question your consumption right i would say that you know there'll be morning like this morning i was in we had our premier party last night and i was like i woke up and i was like i can't move like i'm so old i can't fucking move and like i didn't even really go hard last night i was just like had a couple tequila and went home at one o 'clock and Like, it's pretty good.

[1143] Woke up and like, oh my God, I feel horrible.

[1144] And so I, yeah, those moments, I definitely like, I got to cut this out.

[1145] Uh -huh.

[1146] But also, I'm a, I'm a fun time.

[1147] Yeah, you're a good time Charlie.

[1148] A good time Charlie party boy.

[1149] Yeah, yeah.

[1150] A little skimpy shorts, I like that a good time.

[1151] Yeah, everyone likes you.

[1152] Some people.

[1153] No, everyone I've met that knows you likes you a lot.

[1154] Yeah, to know me is to like me. From afar, it's like, hey, I don't want to get caught up in that.

[1155] Does it make it, the one, here, I'll tell you, whenever I'm, we're with a bunch of other parents and we're like on a family vacation everyone's drinking at night i'm so jealous i'm like oh they just got to shift gears from the chaos of being a parent to being relaxed in like nine minutes it must take you a little time but the next morning always at like 637 in the morning we're all in the kitchen i'm like oh thank fucking god because i'm the only one here that doesn't feel like shit yeah well you must you you look great i feel like and i feel like my skin is gray i'm like No, you look, no, you look wonderful.

[1156] I, I mean, I find that my, like, little vape weed pen rig is enough that, like, I, at night, like, especially before bedtime, because it's such a war, I can, like, be like, I'm going to go take a shit.

[1157] It's like, 20 minutes on the phone.

[1158] Even if I don't shit, I'm just sitting in there and I, like, can, like, downshift a little.

[1159] Yeah.

[1160] Because it's very, you know, from pickup to bedtime, it's 10th.

[1161] It is, it is.

[1162] It is 10th.

[1163] It is all hands on deck.

[1164] It's all hands on deck.

[1165] And like we, we're nannied up too.

[1166] It's not like we're like, you know, my ambiolic over here, but like, we do their best.

[1167] Yeah, I always say, like, we have help eight till six.

[1168] That's great.

[1169] And it's still fucking brutal.

[1170] And when you wake up and we have the same hours between 5 a .m. and 8 a .m. Could not go slower.

[1171] Or the weekends for us.

[1172] Oh, my God.

[1173] The weekends are like, nightmare.

[1174] Yeah, it feels like it's like 84 hours, those two days.

[1175] Weekends, but Monday mornings after I drop the kids off.

[1176] Yeah.

[1177] I run right back to my bed if I have nothing to do.

[1178] Uh -huh.

[1179] And I curl up, I cry.

[1180] Like, like, like, crying.

[1181] I'm like running a cold shower over myself.

[1182] Yeah.

[1183] This can't be it.

[1184] I'm like singing a song on the way to work.

[1185] Like, I'm going to fucking Tahiti or something.

[1186] When I had a trailer, work.

[1187] Oh.

[1188] When you have a trailer and you have kids.

[1189] You can hide in there a little bit.

[1190] You can jerk off in there.

[1191] Yeah.

[1192] Jerk yourself off.

[1193] Oh, God.

[1194] Relax.

[1195] God, I dream about jerking myself off.

[1196] Just that room.

[1197] Just laying on a couch, like, flat without someone jumping on your nuts.

[1198] Oh, my God.

[1199] All that stuff is so luxurious.

[1200] I don't have any.

[1201] And, like, I have no piece of that right now, especially, like, I saw the construction you have going on.

[1202] Yeah.

[1203] We gutted our apartment when we found out we were having another kid, and it's still not done.

[1204] And so we're in corporate housing still with three kids and a dog.

[1205] Oh.

[1206] Yeah.

[1207] And a new child.

[1208] A new child.

[1209] I have to, like, jerk off in an airport bathroom.

[1210] The only place I can.

[1211] My best friend, Aaron Weekly, used to, we worked together in this industrial complex and there was a lamp store at the end of the block.

[1212] And he used to go in there in their bathroom and jerk off.

[1213] I thought that's so hardcore to go to the lamp store bathroom.

[1214] Oh, yeah.

[1215] I have friends that are like, if I get a long flight, I have to jerk off.

[1216] A long flight.

[1217] I've done that a few times But you gotta be damn certain No one's like It's like middle of the night flight Yeah it's gotta be a red eye You can have someone knocking on the door No Because then you're like In a minute You're like chafed You're like do I finish this up I have like I've woken up from like With like a hot sex stream or something on a plane With raging wood Raging Wood It's like the morning You know and you're like God damn it What do I do?

[1218] So tell me about your show before you go Oh thank you It's called Champagne Ill And it's on you Shot in Champaign, Illinois.

[1219] Shot in there.

[1220] Yes, all locals.

[1221] And it's, it starts me and Sam Richardson from Veep.

[1222] I love him.

[1223] The greatest.

[1224] I love.

[1225] He's amazing.

[1226] So we play, picture like Drake, the rapper, played by Jay Farrow.

[1227] So there's like a version of Drake played by Jay Farrow.

[1228] And we are his two best friends from high school who didn't go to college and didn't get jobs.

[1229] And we just have been on his entourage for the last 15 years.

[1230] And then Drake does.

[1231] Guys.

[1232] Oh, geez.

[1233] Oh, no. And so we have to, we have no money and no education, no driver's license.

[1234] No driver's license.

[1235] No, none of our own clothing.

[1236] So, and we have to like learn how to live.

[1237] And you move back to Champaign, Illinois?

[1238] Well, we have no choice.

[1239] Yeah, we don't have homes.

[1240] Do you move in with your parents?

[1241] You do.

[1242] Yeah.

[1243] It's like, it's like a hip hop eastbound and down a little.

[1244] Oh.

[1245] Yeah.

[1246] That's great.

[1247] It's, it's all.

[1248] I'm so proud of it.

[1249] It's one of my favorite things I've ever done.

[1250] Oh, that's wonderful.

[1251] Yeah.

[1252] And do you write?

[1253] I did.

[1254] I produced it.

[1255] And it was like one of the first times I've ever gotten to like have an idea with these guys.

[1256] And no one touched it.

[1257] Like it got from where we wanted to 10 episodes with like a full budget.

[1258] We didn't have to sacrifice.

[1259] YouTube's kind of good about that.

[1260] Right.

[1261] Yeah, they were.

[1262] They were great.

[1263] I mean, I don't know.

[1264] I don't know.

[1265] I don't know where to find it.

[1266] I wish I could tell all listeners where to find.

[1267] I do not know.

[1268] I'm hoping it'll just flash on someone's computer.

[1269] Well, our good friend Ryan Hansen, our best friend, he has a show on YouTube called Ryan.

[1270] Hanson solves crimes on television yeah it's great yeah and most of the jokes within the show are about what is youtube bread i mean yeah i feel i don't even think it's called youtube bread not anymore now it's just changed it but now it's actually a really cool service because you you get all the other and you get sports yeah you can get live shit on yeah so i think they actually have a real shot at becoming i don't i hope so and i don't care you know that's healthy as long as you get as long as a places willing to let me do 10 episodes it doesn't matter because like i i was just someone just told me they're doing a show on i am db and i was like it can't even be real yeah it is yeah and i was like that is who cares then who cares oh 100 % if you're gonna hit my quote i'll do a show for you on your web browser i don't care absolutely yeah have you ever met at the airport it says like follow us on i just had this thought yesterday when i landed i was like walking by this grill this like bar and grill in the airport and was like follow us on Twitter for updates i was like updates to what yes i think i noticed it in the uh dallas airport was not follow the dallas airport i feel like i should start yeah i would love to get updates yeah or at least create a parody account and start letting it affect your life too like there's an art installation i would i would love to be affected by that like have my wife can be like are you okay i be like i i'm fine i mean they took the native american art exhibit out of gate sea, but I guess I'll just start flying Delta.

[1271] I guess I don't really want to be reminded of it when I walk by.

[1272] It was beautiful.

[1273] Well, Adam, thank you so much for coming.

[1274] You're really, really sweet and lovely in person and I like you.

[1275] And thank you so much for having me. Yeah, and Champaign, Illinois is on YouTube.

[1276] Yes.

[1277] Do you guys improv a ton?

[1278] Not a ton.

[1279] No. It's the happy endings dudes who created it and wanted it.

[1280] So the scripts are really, really fast and really tight.

[1281] and it's got that same kind of like whip, cracking, smart.

[1282] So you don't really have time to improvise.

[1283] You just kind of like really.

[1284] But do you see this says everything about you?

[1285] Because people who end up working with show creators from other shows they've been on says everything.

[1286] That's nice.

[1287] I mean, there are a lot of people that won't work with me again.

[1288] I've heard many bridges.

[1289] But yeah, Casp specifically in those happy endings guys, Casey Wilson, that's like, you know.

[1290] Yeah.

[1291] That's kind of where I go to to figure it out.

[1292] Well, that is what I want you to do.

[1293] I want you to do just a tiny bit less of, like, burning those bridges.

[1294] I will try.

[1295] Okay?

[1296] Because I like you.

[1297] I like you, too.

[1298] And I have to imagine some of it is based in the same reason I burnt bridges, which is just like, I'm going to beat you to making fun of me. And then you end up kind of.

[1299] Yeah, it's self -sabitizing.

[1300] Yeah, because you don't feel you're worth it.

[1301] Yes.

[1302] Yeah, I know.

[1303] I know.

[1304] But you are.

[1305] I am worth it.

[1306] You are.

[1307] I know that.

[1308] But I also like, I kind of like the feeling of not being worth it, too, which is dangerous.

[1309] You're like, you know what you're like.

[1310] You know what you're like.

[1311] And we just talked to Jake Johnson.

[1312] He made a movie about gambling.

[1313] You're one of these people that likes losing.

[1314] Like, you could be, like, those guys that are addicted to losing.

[1315] I love gambling and I love losing.

[1316] Oh, wow.

[1317] I love the feeling of losing.

[1318] Yeah, and you liked, and I heard this about you too before you got here was that you kind of like bombing.

[1319] I do.

[1320] I love to bomb.

[1321] I do.

[1322] It's my favorite.

[1323] I like to bomb more than I like to kill.

[1324] So, I kind of love it.

[1325] It's so rare.

[1326] Can we bomb, though, with like, also not burning bridges?

[1327] I think we can do it all.

[1328] I think you can.

[1329] And I'm really working.

[1330] I think as I get older, I will figure out that nice balcony of that.

[1331] Because as a young man, you don't care.

[1332] You're like, you don't even think about it.

[1333] Well, and I wonder, as you were coming in here, I told Monica, you know what he reminds me of is like when I graduated high school.

[1334] When they gave me the diploma, I fake tripped and I knocked over these huge planners off this like four foot high stage.

[1335] It was such a mess.

[1336] I love that.

[1337] Everyone was so embarrassed for me, except for the four dudes I was trying to impress.

[1338] I love that.

[1339] It's like, that's my sweet spot.

[1340] I loved it too.

[1341] But now that I'm 43, I'm like, oh, so.

[1342] a little selfish and narcissistic of me to lower a thousand people's experience and raise four people.

[1343] But at the same time, the self -awareness of being like, this doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

[1344] Well, that's true.

[1345] It's kind of a good comment.

[1346] In the way that we're all like, you're here now 43.

[1347] It didn't matter.

[1348] I saved the, I got a typed out letter from the principal and it's the first sentence of it was once again, the many will bear the burden of the few.

[1349] The floral arrangements you destroyed cost $380 were taken out of your class fund.

[1350] Oh my God.

[1351] You should have been valedictorian.

[1352] That is the greatest you I hope you have that framed.

[1353] I don't have a frame but I do own it.

[1354] That is a true comedian.

[1355] You are like, like, I remember when Amy Schumer like dove to the ground in front of Kim and Kanye West at the city fair thing and people were like upset.

[1356] I was like, no, no, that is we should all that's her job.

[1357] That's her job is to fall down there.

[1358] Like your job was, to destroy that floral lines.

[1359] And look at us now.

[1360] It doesn't matter.

[1361] Yeah.

[1362] All right.

[1363] Well, I'm really adoring you, and I hope you'll come back.

[1364] I will.

[1365] I mean, thank you for having me. All right.

[1366] Bye, Adam.

[1367] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1368] Monica, welcome to the fact check, Monica, Padman with the facts, yeah, Monica.

[1369] tune for my soulmate, Maximum Mouse and Miss. Yay.

[1370] Yeah, that's an original.

[1371] Yeah, that was part of the song.

[1372] It was.

[1373] Yeah, I didn't even have to tell you because it was one of the lyrics in the song.

[1374] That's right.

[1375] Yeah.

[1376] Well, I liked it.

[1377] It almost sounded like, Well, Love December.

[1378] Earth went in fire.

[1379] I love that song.

[1380] It harkened back.

[1381] Yeah, it was an homage.

[1382] But not enough to get sued by them.

[1383] No. We'll make that clear.

[1384] Well, it's a great thing.

[1385] about my singing is I can't even hit the same notes in repetition so you could never prove that I stole anything.

[1386] That's true.

[1387] That's one of the upsides.

[1388] It's really one of the tone deafness.

[1389] Adam Pally.

[1390] Adam Pally came by.

[1391] Do you want to say Adam Polly?

[1392] I have to correct in my mind I have to say his last name before I say his full name because I'm afraid I'll say Adam Polly.

[1393] But it's Adam Pally.

[1394] Adam Pally.

[1395] I don't have that problem, mainly because I've...

[1396] You have superior diction.

[1397] That is why, yeah.

[1398] Yeah.

[1399] No, because I've been...

[1400] You're very well -spoken.

[1401] I am well -spoken for a...

[1402] For a mouse.

[1403] No, I have been following him, not on foot, his career for a long time.

[1404] Have you ever had a crush on him?

[1405] Oh, an improv crush, for sure.

[1406] But I didn't know him, you know.

[1407] It was funny because he's in this group, Hot Sauce, was or is.

[1408] I don't know if they still perform.

[1409] But it's Adam Ben Schwartz and Gil Ozeri.

[1410] And it's three of them.

[1411] They're so funny together.

[1412] They are.

[1413] So good.

[1414] And I would never miss a hot sauce show.

[1415] They were once a month.

[1416] Love what a comedy nerd you are.

[1417] It's so cute.

[1418] Well, it makes me kind of sad when I talk about this stuff because it totally is, not the case anymore.

[1419] It's a period of your life that...

[1420] Yeah, it's past.

[1421] Yeah.

[1422] Which makes me sad.

[1423] All periods are like that.

[1424] But I think it's...

[1425] Except periods.

[1426] Well, no, they're going to stick around for another 20 years for you.

[1427] Yeah.

[1428] But I think it is easy to look back and kind of feel like a sense of loss that it's gone.

[1429] Yeah.

[1430] But I think it's probably better just go like, no, that was the perfect thing for me to do at that age.

[1431] And now I'm doing the perfect thing for me at this age.

[1432] Yeah.

[1433] It's also okay to have some sadness.

[1434] Yeah.

[1435] It doesn't take away from the other happy stuff, but you can have both things happening.

[1436] I think it's okay.

[1437] You know what I feel that way about?

[1438] Dancing.

[1439] I used to go dancing all the time.

[1440] Yeah.

[1441] And I loved it.

[1442] I mean, sometimes I was aided by MDMA or whatnot.

[1443] Sure.

[1444] But not always.

[1445] And I really love dancing.

[1446] I could dance for three hours.

[1447] What a workout that is.

[1448] Yeah.

[1449] And it was just, I think it added value to my life.

[1450] And I often fantasize like, should I just go to a nightclub and just dance?

[1451] And then that feels crazy to me. Yeah.

[1452] And you also wouldn't like it.

[1453] I went to a birthday party about a month or so ago.

[1454] And you were also invited to that party, but you couldn't come.

[1455] It was too late for me. Yeah.

[1456] Yeah.

[1457] And it was at a bar, but in the back, there was a disco tack?

[1458] No, it just like the back area was like the dancing area.

[1459] So it was kind of like a club back there.

[1460] Sort of.

[1461] So, you know, we went back there and we were all dancing and it was so fun.

[1462] But Perfect 10 Charlie did turn to me and say, can you imagine if Dax was here?

[1463] He would hate it.

[1464] Because, not because of the dancing.

[1465] Of course, the dancing is so fun, but it's all the other elements that we've outgrown.

[1466] Like the drunk loud guy.

[1467] and stuff.

[1468] Everyone being drunk, everyone shoving you every two seconds, like kind of having to keep an eye out on your bag.

[1469] Yeah.

[1470] Like all of these practical, realistic things that are happening there that make it the older you get, like, less tolerable.

[1471] They start outweighing the good parts.

[1472] Mm -hmm.

[1473] Just the dancing part.

[1474] And then if you're sober on top of that, no, no, no, no. Yeah, I'm going to have to find a place that has a very spacious dance floor.

[1475] It's not a very popular place.

[1476] So I have plenty of room to dance.

[1477] And then, of course, it's got to have music I like.

[1478] Well, that's going to be very hard to find.

[1479] Yeah.

[1480] This is going to be very challenging.

[1481] But I do dance at the house quite a bit.

[1482] You do?

[1483] I'll dance sometimes for a half hour, 45 minutes at the house.

[1484] Yeah.

[1485] Any place can be your dance floor.

[1486] Yeah.

[1487] You can dance if you want to.

[1488] You can leave your friends behind.

[1489] Yeah.

[1490] Adam Polly.

[1491] Great dancer.

[1492] Adam Pally is a great improviser.

[1493] And it was exciting to have him on because I was.

[1494] such a big fan.

[1495] And I texted Anthony when I left about, I said, we just recorded Adam Pally.

[1496] Because he was my roommate when I was at the height of this time in my life.

[1497] Yeah.

[1498] And he was like, your life has just come so full circle.

[1499] It's crazy.

[1500] And that was true.

[1501] And it's really exciting.

[1502] I was really happy for a different reason when we left the interview, which is I had seen him be really funny and sarcastic.

[1503] And I was nervous going in like, oh, does he have an emotional side he'll be willing to share with us?

[1504] And he very much did.

[1505] And I was very relieved about that.

[1506] So I just didn't know.

[1507] Because he does, as he said on there, he likes to bomb and stuff.

[1508] Like he gets off on it.

[1509] And I was like, what if he wants to do that on this show?

[1510] You know, like, what if he wants to just eat a big shit sandwich for 90 minutes?

[1511] I was a little nervous about that.

[1512] But it wasn't.

[1513] Not at all.

[1514] He was very sincere and nice.

[1515] So nice.

[1516] Yeah, I liked him a lot.

[1517] Okay, well, so you mentioned the 99 -year lease between the British and China for Hong Kong.

[1518] Uh -huh.

[1519] So on June 9th, 1898, the British under Queen Victoria broke out a 99 -year lease agreement for the use of Hong Kong after China lost a series of wars fought over the British trade in tea and opium.

[1520] The opium wars.

[1521] Opium, yes.

[1522] In 1997, the British handed Hong Kong back to China, the end of a 99 -year -long lease, in an event that was dreaded and anticipated by the residents, the Chinese, the English, and the rest of the world.

[1523] I was there right before it got turned back over.

[1524] You were?

[1525] Yeah, I was there when it was still English.

[1526] Oh, in 1996?

[1527] Yeah.

[1528] No, 95.

[1529] Yep.

[1530] There it is.

[1531] 95 or 96, one of the two.

[1532] Okay.

[1533] I lived out here.

[1534] Mm -hmm.

[1535] My mom took me on a 21 -day cruise.

[1536] God, you really went everywhere on that cruise.

[1537] I really did.

[1538] Yeah.

[1539] Yeah.

[1540] Nah, that cruise did not go to Hong Kong, but we started the trip in Hong Kong because my mom loves Hong Kong.

[1541] Oh, got it.

[1542] You stayed in Calhoun Bay.

[1543] It's such a cool city.

[1544] Oh, is it a cool city?

[1545] It's a beach town.

[1546] You're not expecting that.

[1547] It's got like big, beautiful beaches on the ocean.

[1548] Right.

[1549] Like L .A. prettier beaches, really.

[1550] Yeah.

[1551] And then all these skyscrapers and the boats and the harbor and everything.

[1552] It's really pretty.

[1553] Cool.

[1554] I liked it a lot.

[1555] Do you think it's still cool now that it's back to being Chinese?

[1556] No. You hate China.

[1557] I hate China.

[1558] They have created a hoax climate change.

[1559] Oh, yeah.

[1560] Big time.

[1561] And other stuff, too.

[1562] Yeah.

[1563] Can't stand.

[1564] They're taking our job.

[1565] They took my job.

[1566] They took my job.

[1567] What's your job that they took?

[1568] They do punk now in China.

[1569] They have a guy named Dax Chan and, yeah, took my job.

[1570] Yeah.

[1571] I like China.

[1572] Have you been there?

[1573] No, I want to go.

[1574] I am nervous about the air quality.

[1575] I don't know if maybe I'm getting propagandized.

[1576] I hear that the air quality is real rough in certain cities.

[1577] Yeah, probably.

[1578] Your throat hurts after, you know, a couple hours outside.

[1579] I don't know if that's true, though.

[1580] I don't want to.

[1581] I have a friend who went and she's, She's doing okay.

[1582] She's alive still.

[1583] Yeah, she's still with us.

[1584] Oh, okay, great.

[1585] Yeah, she's thriving.

[1586] I'll tell you one thing, I love the Olympics in Beijing.

[1587] I was really taken with that opening ceremony.

[1588] Still the best one I've ever seen.

[1589] That bird's nest.

[1590] Isn't that what they had?

[1591] They built that big bird's nest.

[1592] They sure did.

[1593] Yeah.

[1594] So beautiful.

[1595] Yeah.

[1596] I was captivated.

[1597] I was like, I want to go to China.

[1598] And then I thought, oh, those Olympics do work as an ad campaign for the country.

[1599] You didn't go.

[1600] Well, I've also watched a couple HBO Real Sports about how generally it is a big, big loss to the economy.

[1601] Yeah, I'm sure.

[1602] They spend way more money than they end up generating, I think, in general.

[1603] It's interesting.

[1604] It's also just like it becomes like a pissing contest.

[1605] Like everyone wants theirs to be the best one.

[1606] Yeah.

[1607] So they are overspending and overreaching because sometimes they're in places where they just can't afford it.

[1608] Right.

[1609] And then if you saw Icarus.

[1610] Icarus.

[1611] The Icarus documentary on Netflix, which is phenomenal.

[1612] It really gets into the doping scandals, what the Russians did and they were stealing samples out of the room and stuff.

[1613] It's very exciting.

[1614] It's really good.

[1615] I love the Olympics and I miss it.

[1616] Yeah, me too.

[1617] I'm very excited for us to have a summer Olympics.

[1618] Me too.

[1619] Yeah.

[1620] It's not for next year.

[1621] Next year.

[1622] Yeah.

[1623] 2020?

[1624] Yeah.

[1625] 2020.

[1626] I wonder if the show 2020 will have a big exciting party.

[1627] Oh, they should.

[1628] They should, right?

[1629] Yeah.

[1630] Like 2020 in 2020.

[1631] 2020, starting in January 1st, 2020.

[1632] Yeah, they'll make a meal of it, I hope.

[1633] They really should.

[1634] Okay.

[1635] What show was Will Ferrell on when he had a bird on his shoulder?

[1636] Conan.

[1637] And.

[1638] Uh -oh.

[1639] Yeah.

[1640] You're going to be, I mean, this is one of those things that you just have to be sad about.

[1641] There's something that you say all the time that's wrong.

[1642] Oh, shit.

[1643] Yeah.

[1644] Do I even want to know?

[1645] You know, you found out earlier today.

[1646] Will Farrell did not, he was not a dead body on CSI on one of those things.

[1647] But we did find out that he did get shot in an episode and he was working under a pseudonym.

[1648] Yeah, but that's not.

[1649] And it was like a real average show.

[1650] He just wanted to be introduced as a character then killed.

[1651] And then killed.

[1652] Yeah, which is really funny.

[1653] But it's not a thing.

[1654] I was told that.

[1655] Right.

[1656] But yes, I'm wrong.

[1657] Shit.

[1658] I know.

[1659] And you love to say that.

[1660] So now you have to not say it.

[1661] I'm not going to say it anymore.

[1662] Okay.

[1663] But you can say that he went on Conan with a bird on his shoulder.

[1664] Oh, great.

[1665] Okay.

[1666] Well, that's not as exciting.

[1667] But all right.

[1668] Now you have a new one.

[1669] You said coffee in cars with comedians.

[1670] Love that show.

[1671] But that's not what it's called.

[1672] It's called comedians in cars getting coffee.

[1673] Okay.

[1674] Right?

[1675] Okay.

[1676] Comedians and cars getting coffee.

[1677] Now that sounds wrong.

[1678] They all sound wrong.

[1679] I'm pretty sure it's right.

[1680] Yeah, comedians in cars getting coffee, yes.

[1681] Yes.

[1682] How long are Catholic wedding ceremonies?

[1683] With a full mass, they can be an hour and a half.

[1684] But with no mass, about 45 minutes.

[1685] Both are long, though.

[1686] Yes.

[1687] I think it should be like a 15 -minute ordeal.

[1688] Yeah.

[1689] You know?

[1690] Yeah.

[1691] And get to that reception, get some chumpagna, and then hit the dance floor.

[1692] That is such a fun.

[1693] part of, I love weddings.

[1694] I know you don't like them.

[1695] Yeah, you do.

[1696] Yeah, they're so fun.

[1697] Well, you like to see if the boy cries.

[1698] I like to see if the boy cries.

[1699] Yeah, the groom.

[1700] And I like to dance and I like to drink.

[1701] Yeah.

[1702] And the food's never that good.

[1703] No, but I'm always excited about it.

[1704] Oh, okay.

[1705] Good.

[1706] And then it never delivers.

[1707] But that's okay.

[1708] Yeah.

[1709] Sometimes there's something fun happening.

[1710] Why can't they make that food good?

[1711] It's just too much food to prepare it once.

[1712] Is Is that the problem?

[1713] I think so.

[1714] Because I've been to some expensive weddings and it's still very average.

[1715] I know.

[1716] Even, it always tastes like an airplane meal.

[1717] Right.

[1718] I'm so hungry.

[1719] You are?

[1720] Yeah.

[1721] Okay.

[1722] Let's get you out of here.

[1723] So weddings are fun and romantic.

[1724] Yeah, I do not like them.

[1725] Now, granted, I've, I've had fun at weddings.

[1726] Yeah.

[1727] I'm going to file this under the many things that I don't want to do, but when I do them, I don't mind them.

[1728] So why don't you want to go to them?

[1729] Because I got to dress up.

[1730] I hate dressing up.

[1731] Yeah.

[1732] And dressing up for you is, it's just putting on a suit jacket.

[1733] In pants and a collared shirt, probably a tie, and then shoes that are uncomfortable.

[1734] Okay.

[1735] But at least you don't have to put much thought and girls have to like plan their whole outfit.

[1736] Make sure it's the perfect amount of cuteness, but not so cute that it overshadows the bride.

[1737] That's a real thing.

[1738] people have to worry about.

[1739] Okay.

[1740] You would never want to wear that J -Lo dress to a wedding.

[1741] People would think you're rude.

[1742] People would get really upset.

[1743] Also, the fit seems to be a lot more important for females than guys.

[1744] Like, I got measured for some suits a while back, and I just keep wearing them.

[1745] Now, I fluctuate.

[1746] Sometimes they're tight.

[1747] Sometimes they're loose.

[1748] So I just wear it.

[1749] But I feel like the dress has to fit perfectly.

[1750] Isn't that the standard?

[1751] You want it to fit you the best, so it's the most flattering on you.

[1752] That's probably the same with those suits, too.

[1753] just don't care.

[1754] Yeah, maybe that's it.

[1755] It doesn't seem like many of the guys care.

[1756] Yeah, they might not care.

[1757] Rarely do I see a guy whose suit fits him, except for like Daniel Craig.

[1758] His fits nicely.

[1759] Real nice.

[1760] No one wears a suit quite like Daniel Craig.

[1761] God damn.

[1762] It's nice.

[1763] Or those little, tiny little swim trunks.

[1764] He wears the hell out of those.

[1765] He's getting out of the water in that one James Bond, the short blue swim trunks.

[1766] I haven't seen it.

[1767] Oh, what a sight.

[1768] Deltoids pop and trapezias everywhere.

[1769] Yeah.

[1770] Thick, strong thighs.

[1771] You know how much thigh envy I have.

[1772] I know.

[1773] When we were shooting this week, remember I pointed out a guy who had really big calves.

[1774] Yes.

[1775] So jealous.

[1776] They're so big he can't wear pants.

[1777] By his own admission.

[1778] I know.

[1779] There's no pants that fit over his calves.

[1780] I know.

[1781] That sounds, I'll be willing to wear shorts the rest of my life.

[1782] What does he do when he goes to a wedding?

[1783] It doesn't look.

[1784] Sweat pants?

[1785] He probably has to get a custom -made thing, and that's not fun.

[1786] They take the thigh from my pants and use.

[1787] it for the calf of his.

[1788] Maybe.

[1789] I think his cap's actually bigger than my thigh.

[1790] No, I saw him.

[1791] It was not that absurd.

[1792] I think it looks like a bowling ball.

[1793] I mean, two bowling balls.

[1794] I pray to God he's got to kick us out of some scenario, kick through a wall or a door steel plate.

[1795] Well, we already established that.

[1796] I wouldn't probably like it.

[1797] That seems too aggressive.

[1798] Even if it was to save our lives from a pop out.

[1799] Okay.

[1800] That might be nice, I guess.

[1801] Sorry.

[1802] I know.

[1803] What if you He listens.

[1804] I don't want him to be upset.

[1805] He doesn't listen, no. Okay.

[1806] Well, you know who listens is Seth, the key grip.

[1807] Yes.

[1808] And he gave you a double handshake.

[1809] He did.

[1810] He gave me a double handshake, which I loved, obviously, because I loved that.

[1811] But I couldn't tell if it was because he knew or not.

[1812] I know.

[1813] That's what we had to try to.

[1814] We talked about it for a while after.

[1815] Did Seth, is he just naturally a double handshaker?

[1816] Or is he praying on your weakness?

[1817] Both are good options.

[1818] They are.

[1819] There's no losing in that.

[1820] No. Also, talk about a set of legs and ass that I would, I'd pay top dollar for.

[1821] I know.

[1822] They're glorious.

[1823] So he said there are no Jewish people in South Carolina.

[1824] Okay.

[1825] So there are 16 ,820 people who are Jewish.

[1826] So 8 ,000 less than Indiana?

[1827] Yeah.

[1828] And 0 .3 % of the population.

[1829] Oh, okay.

[1830] Well, similar percentage of the population.

[1831] That tells me there's not a lot of people in South Carolina.

[1832] Right.

[1833] So has the Koch brothers funded more cancer research than anyone in the country?

[1834] I don't know if they funded more than anyone in the country, but they have funded a lot of cancer research.

[1835] David Koch, the seventh richest man in the world with a net worth of $42 .7 billion, has pledged $150 million to Memorial Sloan Kettering to build a new outpatient cancer facility on Manhattan's Upper East Side, a world -renowned.

[1836] Cancer Center announced Wednesday of some other period of time.

[1837] Okay.

[1838] Not a bygone error.

[1839] Yes, correct.

[1840] That's nice.

[1841] Very nice.

[1842] And they have an institute at MIT for research.

[1843] So, yeah, they have done a lot.

[1844] So Pallion and his wife are high school sweetheart.

[1845] That's cute.

[1846] It's so cute.

[1847] I'd like to get Dr. John Gottman to talk with them.

[1848] Because remember when I asked Gottman, if there was such thing as just like high school sweethearts where it's so easy, you don't have to do any work.

[1849] Right, but that's not the same thing.

[1850] He didn't believe that.

[1851] Yeah.

[1852] But I want him to interview Pally and his wife to see if they're the exception.

[1853] Yeah, but it didn't sound like he was saying it's so easy.

[1854] No, he didn't.

[1855] In fact, I'm not getting that impression at all.

[1856] You can be high school sweethearts and it not be easy.

[1857] I think it's sweet.

[1858] I like it.

[1859] I do too.

[1860] I only know a couple of high school sweetheart.

[1861] that made the, you know.

[1862] The distance.

[1863] Yeah.

[1864] It's very hard to evolve at the same pace.

[1865] I know.

[1866] That's the hard part.

[1867] Yeah.

[1868] Unless maybe you don't, but then you kind of like, you know, forge through it and then you meet up.

[1869] Yeah.

[1870] Because you might both have like a two -year period of tons of self -betterment, but it might happen four years apart.

[1871] Mm -hmm.

[1872] You might end up in the same.

[1873] Yeah.

[1874] But boy.

[1875] Yeah.

[1876] It's probably hard those two years where you're like, well, I don't eat like shit anymore and I don't drink every night and my partner does and that's probably hard but i told you my um eighth grade girlfriend randy hamina high jumper she broke up with me in ninth grade uh to start dating this kid something Shane okay they're still together oh that's so cute yeah from ninth grade that phone call i got i can i was on my waterbed at my dad's house when she called she was breaking up with me it was devastating also was at a very low point for me ninth grade just when moved to a new high school.

[1877] I was a loser in the high school.

[1878] No one really liked me. And then my girlfriend broke up with me. It was a little rough.

[1879] That's a sad moment.

[1880] And then I later learned that it was for Jay Shane.

[1881] That's his name.

[1882] Oh, Jay Shane.

[1883] Yeah, he was a wrestler at Milford High School.

[1884] And they're still together.

[1885] They're still together.

[1886] Children, everything.

[1887] Yeah.

[1888] It's nice.

[1889] Things work out.

[1890] Things work out the way they're supposed to work out.

[1891] But I did think, like, oh, my God.

[1892] What if I hadn't had a new girlfriend since that phone call?

[1893] That, to me, is scary to me for just my personality.

[1894] Like, I would drive myself crazy about what kind of people are out there.

[1895] Yeah.

[1896] You know?

[1897] I know.

[1898] Not everyone has that.

[1899] What's it like to make love to a French woman?

[1900] Yeah.

[1901] You know, that kind of stuff could eat at me. You'd be fine with it?

[1902] I don't think you'd be fine with it.

[1903] I do.

[1904] Really?

[1905] Yeah.

[1906] I mean, only, I think I'd be fine with being with the same person for, since I was 18.

[1907] But let's just walk it through.

[1908] So in high school, you weren't like into comedy the way you got into comedy in your 20s.

[1909] You had like a lot of interest and that was just one of them.

[1910] Yeah.

[1911] So let's say you had your high school sweetheart and then you guys both moved to California and then you just got so into this world of comedy.

[1912] Yeah.

[1913] And then you started thinking, oh wow, what if I actually had a boyfriend that was a comedian and we could be funny all the time?

[1914] Like, don't you think that kind of thing with a it might but i don't i mean yeah this is such a weird conversation because it's an it's a made up person right that's my let's say he was a star of the football team okay well like the coolest thing in high school and then i mean then he's not playing football anymore in his 20s i i look i i just think i'm a person that could be with a a person for ever and not feel like you're missing out i'm missing out i don't think i feel that at all i'm very loyal yeah that's true i like that security mm -hmm yeah i'm friends with most all my friends as well yeah yeah i'm loyal to a fault why to a fault oh that's a good question why do a fault well i don't know we get in these hypothetical conversations all the time at the house about like whether i would um still be friends with someone if i found out they killed somebody my answer that's always absolutely you know i found out they were some kind of monster of some variety i i would still be like well yeah but i know a different side of them i'm still going to be their friend yeah but not if they like killed your like christin yeah not christin yeah that's true so if one of my friends killed christin i probably wouldn't be friends with them anymore yeah so yeah but i did have a period where i wasn't i didn't talk to one of my best friends for 10 10 years because of loyalty to my mom.

[1915] I now talk to that person.

[1916] Yeah.

[1917] That was probably not necessary.

[1918] That's a weird situation because it's like you were loyal to one person, but you were not loyal to another.

[1919] So both things are happening in that story.

[1920] Yeah, Laura's got to take the top tier.

[1921] Right.

[1922] Well, you know when you see it when it's loyalty to a fault is like people who loved Bill Cosby.

[1923] Yeah.

[1924] And then they just refuse to take on any information.

[1925] that he's a monster, you know.

[1926] That is true.

[1927] But I feel like I could both acknowledge the person's wrongdoings and still love them.

[1928] Yeah.

[1929] But yeah, when people, oh, God, you see it's so much people defending people they love.

[1930] Yeah, I know.

[1931] Into the ground, you know.

[1932] It's because we don't really have a third option in this country that's popular.

[1933] It's like you acknowledge the person did something and you also say, yes, and I'm still standing by them.

[1934] Like, let's say Louis C .K. All these friends of his, they disapprove of what happened, but they still love him and want to be friends with him.

[1935] But they're actually not even allowed to say that out loud.

[1936] Like they're in trouble if they say, no, I still like Louis C .K. Even though he's flawed and I totally disagree with his behavior.

[1937] Yeah.

[1938] That's not an option that you're allowed to pursue.

[1939] I think that's faulty.

[1940] That's probably true.

[1941] That is unfortunate.

[1942] People are allowed to love the people they love.

[1943] Yeah.

[1944] And so when you're given the only option.

[1945] option is, well, I'll double down and defend this person or my other options that are like, uh, you know, publicly say I want nothing to do with this person ever again.

[1946] Then, then the choice makes more sense to me. Yeah.

[1947] But if there's a very popular third option, which is like, what this person did is horrendous, totally disagree with it.

[1948] I want to be a part of making sure they get help and don't repeat this.

[1949] Yeah.

[1950] And I still love them very much.

[1951] But why do you think that's not allowed.

[1952] Because when people have even teetered on that, they get destroyed.

[1953] But, you know, that's all public stuff you're saying.

[1954] Like, that's if you care about how you're perceived publicly.

[1955] But it happens even in like a microcosm of your group of friends.

[1956] One person cheated on another person.

[1957] And there's going to be a division.

[1958] And people have to decide if they hate that person and denounce them.

[1959] Yeah.

[1960] I'm like, I just don't like that option.

[1961] Yeah, I agree.

[1962] Like kicking someone.

[1963] out.

[1964] Yeah, pretending they're a monster all of a sudden.

[1965] Yeah.

[1966] Yeah, I have always felt like that too in groups when there's like dynamics where one person's mad at the other person and you have to like choose and I yeah, I do not like that.

[1967] Well, let's even say like a concrete example on the show, which is like I love Conan O 'Brien.

[1968] I like Jay Leno.

[1969] I feel no obligation to dislike Jay Leno because they had a feud.

[1970] Yeah.

[1971] And a lot of people commented on this on our Instagram like, How could you have Jay Leno on in light of Conan?

[1972] It's like, well, I like Jay Leno.

[1973] I understand why Conan wouldn't like Jay Leno, but I personally like Jay Leno.

[1974] And I don't have to dislike all the people, the people I like dislike.

[1975] That's not the barrier of entry for friendship.

[1976] Yeah, I agree.

[1977] I feel the same way.

[1978] Nor do I expect people that I dislike to be not liked by my friends.

[1979] That seems like it's such a narcissistic point of view.

[1980] Like, oh, I don't.

[1981] But I guess, you know, yes, that's true, but like, it gets tricky.

[1982] It's, if someone, like, caused me a ton of pain and then you were, like, going out to dinner with him, I might feel like, I might, I mean, which I, I know is wrong, so I probably wouldn't even say anything because I would feel wrong about saying it, but I probably would feel bummed out by that.

[1983] So I understand the emotion of feeling like this person should be on my side type of thing.

[1984] But like I, you know, my good friend sued me once.

[1985] It was kind of the end of our friendship because of that, obviously.

[1986] And but I had other friends that were still quite good friends with him.

[1987] And I wanted them to be, you know.

[1988] I think what you're saying is right.

[1989] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1990] I'm talking about like emotional things that are happening.

[1991] Mm -hmm.

[1992] It's reasonable to feel upset or betrayed or something, even when that's not really happening.

[1993] But I understand why people feel that way.

[1994] Yeah.

[1995] Well, and people also just have a handbag of things that they normally feel, that they're prone to feel.

[1996] And I have bad ones.

[1997] But for whatever reason, I'm not prone to feel betrayal.

[1998] Yeah.

[1999] That's just not one of my first stops and my emotions.

[2000] Because I think generally the world's really complicated.

[2001] I don't think anyone was ever offered the decision of, do you want to fuck Dax over or not?

[2002] And there was nothing else going on and they chose let's fuck Dax over.

[2003] I don't really think that's ever happened.

[2004] Yeah.

[2005] That's a nice way of looking at the world.

[2006] But I have other weird things.

[2007] Yeah.

[2008] Oh, did George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez not get along during out of sight?

[2009] Yeah.

[2010] I didn't see.

[2011] I couldn't find anything about that.

[2012] You couldn't?

[2013] Uh -uh.

[2014] I didn't know if you just knew that.

[2015] Yeah, that's a rumor I've heard.

[2016] I don't know.

[2017] It's just one of these well -known things.

[2018] Oh, okay.

[2019] Yeah.

[2020] I believe you.

[2021] I just didn't.

[2022] I couldn't find anything.

[2023] Also, he shot that car trunk scene as one long take.

[2024] But then after test audiences responded poorly to the scene, he re -shot it in a different form.

[2025] Are you talking about Tarantino?

[2026] No, so to birth.

[2027] Oh, oh, okay.

[2028] I didn't know if you.

[2029] When I think trunk scene, I go to the, like, signature shot of Tarantino is a trunk opening and like a little bit of skewed guys looking in the trunk.

[2030] Okay, so that awesome trunk scene.

[2031] The out -of -sight scene.

[2032] He shot it in one tape.

[2033] Oh.

[2034] But then I guess test audiences didn't like it, so he, they reshot it.

[2035] Oh, really?

[2036] Yeah.

[2037] Oh, that's very interesting.

[2038] Yeah.

[2039] Oh, what a scene.

[2040] It says the original version is available as a bonus feature on the DVD.

[2041] Oh, which I own.

[2042] Oh, you have the.

[2043] DVD.

[2044] Yeah, I have the auto -site Blu -ray.

[2045] Yeah, well, it might be on there.

[2046] Ooh, I'd love to watch the single -take one.

[2047] I used to love watching commentaries.

[2048] Me too.

[2049] Yeah.

[2050] Thief, I've watched it with the commentary on several times.

[2051] Yeah, I'd say I'd watch the Oceans 11 commentary and the Goodwell Hunting commentary, obviously.

[2052] Yeah.

[2053] Almost as many times as I've watched it without.

[2054] Oh, wow.

[2055] Yeah.

[2056] Oh, wow, you love that behind the scenes.

[2057] Well, on Oceans 11, you should watch that one because it's your boyfriend, Brad Pitt, my boyfriend, Matt Damon.

[2058] George Clooney, I think.

[2059] I think it's just those three.

[2060] And it's hot.

[2061] I can't believe they got them to do that.

[2062] I know.

[2063] I guess when DVDs were new, you would do it.

[2064] Yeah, it was like a thing.

[2065] I always worry about the one Ashton I did for the punked box set.

[2066] We were very young.

[2067] Oh.

[2068] I just worry about that one.

[2069] I don't know what's in there, but I could imagine there's.

[2070] Bad stuff in there, probably.

[2071] Okay, so he talks about how French fries are extra bad for you now.

[2072] Like, now we know that they're really, really bad.

[2073] And that is from a New York Times article that came out at the end of last year called You Don't Want fries with that.

[2074] So if people want to read up on how bad French fries are, they can check it out.

[2075] I'd recommend skipping it and just keep eating French fries.

[2076] I could eat French fries right now.

[2077] I bet.

[2078] You're hungry as hell.

[2079] I'm very hungry.

[2080] Bravenous.

[2081] How many Jewish people in the United States?

[2082] He thought it was less than 1%.

[2083] In 2012, the American Jewish population was estimated at between 5 .5 and 8 million, depending on the definition of the term, which constitutes between 1 .7 and 2 .6 % of the total U .S. population.

[2084] Hmm.

[2085] So let's settle on 2 .2.

[2086] Okay.

[2087] All right.

[2088] So that's not a lot.

[2089] We'll split the diff.

[2090] 2 .2.

[2091] Should we make it a goal to get every single Jewish person as a listener on here?

[2092] sure that'd be great i'd love that me too uh that's it that was it yeah oh great yeah adam polly adam pally adam pally is a pal of mine yeah that's why i always pronounced the owl he was very sweet i really enjoyed him quite a bit and smart i went back to work because you know alicia had worked with him for a while on that show you're working with alicia cuthbert and um who's so lovely.

[2093] I really want to get her in here.

[2094] She's so fun and normal and down to earth.

[2095] And, yeah, I was excited to get back to work and tell her that it went really well and that we really love Adam.

[2096] And she said he's one of the funnest people to be around daily.

[2097] That's nice.

[2098] Yeah.

[2099] He's so funny.

[2100] I hope he gets to just work and work and work and work and work and work and work.

[2101] Me too.

[2102] I love you, modest mouse.

[2103] Love you.

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