Calm Parenting Podcast XX
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[24] So I wanted to give you some scripts to use with your husbands and with your kids in some really tough situations these are going to center a lot around talking to your husband why because men oftentimes are very hard to talk to you know how i know that because i'm a man because i did all these things when i was younger i would dismiss my wife i would not listen i would say this one watch out for this oh honey i'll do better and i do better for like a week or two but then i'd slip back into my old habits and i wouldn't keep trying and that lets you know that your husband's he doesn't really value it and doesn't care about it because we put our time and effort into what we really value.
[25] Now, part of it is, not an excuse, is that we're not often just good at these things.
[26] Like my dad never taught me how to do emotional, emotionally difficult work.
[27] He didn't teach me how understand your wife's concerns and raise kids like that.
[28] My dad was a career military by way or the highway approach kind of guy who just barked orders.
[29] I can hit a jump shot.
[30] I can change the oil.
[31] I'm really good at sports, but I wasn't good at doing like the soft skills in life.
[32] He didn't train me with that.
[33] So I got overwhelmed with that.
[34] Not an excuse, but I want to give you some scripts and some insight into how to talk to husbands in some different situations because I am a man and I know what we do and how we use sometimes.
[35] We intimidate people because we'll kind of get gruff.
[36] When you come talk to us, we'll get kind of gruff or we'll respond to be a little bit angry or will withdraw.
[37] I did this one when Casey was little.
[38] You know what, fine.
[39] You guys would be better off without me anyway.
[40] That was a big manipulative move as a big baby move because I didn't know what to do.
[41] And so I don't want you allowing your husbands to get away with that stuff because we will if we can.
[42] And I know this is extra hard because if you are tough with your husband, I don't, I want you to use this with wisdom.
[43] Some of you.
[44] You know, you married someone who can be violent and I don't want you getting hit I don't want you being abused that way and I don't want you being abused in any way at all but use some wisdom in this but I do want you to as you can speak very directly to your husbands talk to them like men talk to men because that's how we hear it so I'll try to verbalize that for you so I'm going to go through three different situations I'm not picking on men I just know I've done this a long time and not apologizing for it.
[45] Most of the time, it doesn't mean moms are all, wives are always right and husbands are wrong.
[46] Not at all.
[47] Not at all.
[48] We both co -create these situations together.
[49] And if I wanted to make women feel bad, which I don't, because moms and wives tend to already beat themselves up enough, right?
[50] It would be like, well, why'd you marry a guy who was like this in the first place, right?
[51] There's something in you, right?
[52] It's always the question I'll do a podcast sometime on controlling men it's like well what was it there inside of you that drew has always drawn to you controlling men it's not your fault but you have to break that pattern within yourself or every single man that you will ever be with will be a controlling man right so so i'm not blaming anyone here i'm just saying that in my experience women tend to be willing to change and work hard at things with parenting and in the marriage, and men tend to be more resistant to it.
[53] I think that's a truth.
[54] Anyway, so here are the three questions.
[55] First one, my second husband, so this is a couple, they're both on their second marriage, and then the mom already had kids.
[56] My second husband is jealous of my relationship with my kids.
[57] He thinks he should come first, and they should just listen to him because he's the authority.
[58] authority figure.
[59] Now, I've addressed this before.
[60] Literally, nobody follows my advice on this.
[61] And that's okay, because I don't have to lift out the horrible consequences that happen when you have this misguided, this misguided perception.
[62] But this doesn't work.
[63] I'll just be blunt, he's not the authority figure.
[64] And I'm speaking as someone who had a stepdad that I actually liked, but he's not the authority figure.
[65] You know, think of it from the kid's point of view.
[66] I didn't I didn't choose for my two parents to get divorced they made some bad choices along the way they chose that I didn't and then all of a sudden my mom or my dad marries someone else I don't have anything to do with that so in the case of this I'm just going to use as the husband is the new one in the scene if I'm looking at that guy who's marrying my mom now he's not an authority figure you know who he is he's just some guy that's sleeping with my mom.
[67] That's true.
[68] I know that's hard to hear, but that's also true, and that's often their perception.
[69] I didn't choose you.
[70] Just because my mom fell in love with you doesn't obligate me to love you or like you.
[71] That's too much of a burden to put on kids.
[72] They didn't have any choice in this matter.
[73] And I want to encourage you if you're in the process of dating someone, getting remarried, really think this through because most of the time it doesn't work.
[74] It doesn't.
[75] And most of the time, here's what happens.
[76] And I'm just being honest with this.
[77] You get all excited like, oh, I finally met a good guy and I met this guy and I don't want him to, you know, the first marriage didn't work out.
[78] I'd love to have this good guy around my kids and there are red flags and there are other things happening.
[79] And you don't fully talk through, hey, how are we going to handle discipline with my children?
[80] You don't talk about that.
[81] You know why?
[82] Because it's a landmine and it may blow up and you don't want to ruin your chances here that happens a lot don't let that happen because there's way more pain on the other side if if it inevitably doesn't work out because you didn't go through this ahead of time then there's even more pain because now what do we have well now i've got two divorces and now my kids have found out that there are two dads who are supposed to be good who didn't work out right it take this seriously he's not that look i'll just he's not the effin of authority figure.
[83] He's not.
[84] He's just some dude that came into the scene.
[85] Now, I get this.
[86] If you, if there is a stepdad who was there from the time your child was very young and he has been there and been patient and he's built the relationship and he has that connection, good.
[87] But that's not really applicable here because that guy did it the right way.
[88] But if you've got a guy coming in, he's like, well, I'm just jealous because she doesn't give me the same attention.
[89] You married a woman who already had kids.
[90] It doesn't work that way.
[91] They owe, think about it from the child's point of view, they owe him nothing, more than I would say civility and politeness.
[92] It's too much to ask for kids to be like, well, love your new daddy.
[93] That's not a fair thing or a right thing to do, and it will cause an awful lot of resentment.
[94] the new step parent man or woman has to earn the kids respect over time but just because you're the adult doesn't mean that you automatically get authority over someone else's kids no way the step parents role is never to directly discipline someone else's kids it doesn't work again unless here she's been in the picture for a really long time and earn their trust Otherwise, you are setting your new spouse, the new step -parent, up for failure by putting them in that role.
[95] The step -parent's job is to come alongside and support the biological parent as the bioparent disciplines his or her own kids.
[96] See, that way, you're seen as a net positive because you're helping the biological parent stay calm and stay reasoned while they're teaching and disciplining their kids.
[97] kids because watch watch watch how this works sometimes I've had this happen so new stepmom comes into a situation with dad and dad's kids but dad doesn't usually discipline his kids that well he never really learned how to do that so he's like hey new wife why don't you take care of that and then he puts his new wife in the position of disciplining kids that are not her own and guess what the kids end up hating her and that husband just put her in a compromise situation that is not a kind thing to do and it will not work so i would rather if you're the step -parent come in softly you're coming think about this if you're going through this even before you're married what is the net benefit that you bring to these kids, right?
[98] What is that to them?
[99] Because at first, you know what you are?
[100] You're a distraction.
[101] You're someone who's taking their mother away from them, the attention away from them.
[102] It's not always a net positive for the kids.
[103] And it's awkward and it's weird.
[104] And now they walk in and now some other guy is in their mother's bedroom.
[105] That's weird sometimes.
[106] and it's awkward.
[107] So realize that.
[108] Don't dismiss it.
[109] Well, we're the adults.
[110] We get to do what.
[111] No, I don't really, look, I love all of you, but I really don't care about how you feel.
[112] I carry about how the kids feel in this situation because they're the innocent ones who didn't get to choose who you married the first time.
[113] They didn't get to choose the divorce and they didn't get to choose this new person that you're marrying and bringing into their home to roll over them and make things kind of awkward.
[114] So I'm not saying don't do it.
[115] I'm saying be aware of those things because these are landmines and I've done this for 20 years and I've seen this happen over and over again and every couple who emails me about this I tell them the same thing and they never reply back to me. Never.
[116] Not once have I had someone reply back and say, you know what, we really do need thank you.
[117] I don't need your thanks.
[118] But what I wanted to hear, here was, you know what, that's good perspective.
[119] We really need to recalibrate how we're going to approach this.
[120] Instead, they dismiss it.
[121] And then I hear back after the second divorce.
[122] So again, I don't need to be right with things.
[123] It's not the point.
[124] The point is, I really want you to take this seriously.
[125] And if you have friends who are considering this, bring up these points to them.
[126] I always get inside the head of the innocent kid first and think, what's the benefit?
[127] So think about this.
[128] What's the benefit of this new guy coming in?
[129] So if you're a new guy coming into this, here's what I want you to do.
[130] Relax.
[131] Be kind.
[132] Every time you see your new stepkids, compliment them.
[133] Ask them questions about their lives.
[134] Be a good listener because eventually when they trust you and they will trust you when you become the person who brings calm to their home, who helps their mom calm down when situations are happening.
[135] When you come in and you show that you're a benefit, that you're an asset to them, they will seek your advice and they will listen to you.
[136] And you will have this really cool place in their lives because you're not their bio dad, right?
[137] But you're this important person who's also training, watch this is really important too.
[138] You're training them how to be treated by a man. you're also showing them you're showing the daughters how they are supposed to be treated by how you treat your new wife they're watching these things because look both of you are likely on your second marriage so right so you probably got married too young whatever it is there's no blame no guilt it's very normal but whatever didn't go right there you have a chance to do it right this time and so you have this very privileged place in this new family where you can can come in from the outside and bring calm and to bring encouragement and to bring positivity to bring stability that maybe this mom and her kids have not had for a long time, especially if the first husband and dad was abusive or was controlling.
[139] You have a huge opportunity here, but I want to tell you, let go of your whole like, well, I need to be the authority.
[140] Stop.
[141] Just grow up and be a man. And stop.
[142] And stop.
[143] needing everybody to walk don't do that right you're never going to come first this awesome woman that you married either bore these kids in her womb or went through hell to adopt them and she's probably been through hell with them to protect them through the first divorce and so they have this deep bond and you're just coming you're going to come in as an outsider you're not going to replace them nor should you try.
[144] It's an unrealistic expectation of yourself, of your wife of the new kids.
[145] So come alongside, be supportive of this new family.
[146] Be thankful that, look, I'm going to speak to you as a guy.
[147] Be thankful that someone else wants to be with you.
[148] I'm a guy.
[149] We have a lot of faults.
[150] It's not always a given that some woman's going to want us, especially the next go -around.
[151] So be thankful that you found someone who wants to spend her life with you, who trusts you, to come in.
[152] She's trusting you with the thing that is most important to her for her entire life, which is her kids.
[153] So honor that.
[154] And do it with a lot of respect.
[155] Do it with some gentleness and do it quietly at first.
[156] I promise if you do this right, you will have the most amazing place in these kids' lives because you're going to be someone that they have never had before, a man that they can trust.
[157] And they're going to watch how you treat their wives and how you treat them.
[158] You're going to have a huge influence on them but instead of it making it all about you and what you need be the man and grow up with that and so and if you connect with the kids you you will enjoy this i promise you but don't don't screw this up moms and dads don't screw that part up let go of all those don't expectations that we have of how that's supposed to work okay that was fun okay number two questions so my husband and i are going to separate for for a period of time part of the reason for the separation that he makes cutting remarks to my teenage daughter hurts her kind of makes fun of all of our teenage girl drama and all that stuff so we're going to separate so how do i tell my teenage daughter that we're going to do this what do i tell her now this is a very specific situation that i'm dealing with okay so it doesn't mean this applies all the time but sometimes you can take some principles that we teach and then apply it to your own situation And I really like this.
[159] So, it's what I replied to this mom.
[160] I would tell your daughter exactly why her dad is leaving the home for a period of time in blunt terms.
[161] And this is how I would say it, something like this.
[162] Honey, you don't ever allow a man to treat you like this.
[163] Your dad does love you.
[164] But he also says things to you that are mean and hurtful and confusing.
[165] And I want you to know that even if a guy, is nice and says he loves you?
[166] True love means he will cherish you and he will work extra hard to never hurt you.
[167] Love goes the extra mile.
[168] Love doesn't hurt people.
[169] Love doesn't diminish people.
[170] I also want you to always feel free and unafraid to speak up for yourself without fear.
[171] because in this case the dad like and i'm going to say a lot of us is hard to approach and that's not a good thing because guys guys guys any guys listening we want our kids to listen to us why not because we're tyrants but because we have a lot of wisdom in life we don't want our kids to make the same mistakes that we made in life so we want them to respect us so they listen to us but when we react to them all the time make cutting remarks diminish what they're doing dismiss them then they won't come to us so honey you should feel free to speak up for yourself without fear a good man should always be humble he should listen even if he doesn't agree with you it's not healthy the way he treats you and i don't want you to ever make excuses for men like that side note moms this is this happens a lot i guarantee many of you have said that this in your heart right well he's a good man right And we do that to justify things.
[172] And I don't want you to because what happens, you know this if you're a wife and you've married one of these men.
[173] It happens year after year after year after year.
[174] And then you finally figure it out, man, I married a guy who's controlling, who controls our finances, is controlling emotionally, controls all kinds of things.
[175] And we don't want that.
[176] And I want you to train your kids so that they know these red flags.
[177] Casey and I wanted to do a program at one time, like five red flags.
[178] for young men, for young women as you're dating.
[179] And one of my first original red flags is, hey, if you ever go to your boyfriend and you say, hey, I need to talk to you about something that's hurting me or that you're doing that's not nice or kind that I don't like.
[180] And if that boyfriend turns things around on you and makes this issue about what you're doing wrong, then you run.
[181] You don't walk, you run, and you never, ever, have a relationship with a guy or a woman who turns things around on you and who doesn't respond and say, you know what, I didn't mean to do that.
[182] Help me do that in a better way, right?
[183] But we don't do that with our kids sometimes.
[184] So let me end this one up.
[185] This is what I want the mom to say too.
[186] I love your dad and you love him.
[187] And I want him here.
[188] But I only want him here if he's willing to do the hard work to change so he doesn't hurt you and disrespect me and if he doesn't make the effort to change then he has told us what he is really like and what he values if he does change then that is the kind of man you want around you look I think there's tremendous value in this this is a hard situation right so it doesn't apply to every, all of you, but I encourage you to start speaking to your kids about how you, they should expect people to treat them because they grow up with this.
[189] We're dealing with this.
[190] I'm doing now an entirely separate podcast called the Alternative Christian Podcast.
[191] It's the alternative the alternative Christian .com.
[192] But I'm doing that because so many women in the church have been hurt by men who took advantage of them and have been abused and nobody ever spoke up about it and I want to start breaking some of these generational patterns so girls don't grow up making the same mistakes right that a lot of people in my generation did so I hope that makes sense but there's something very powerful about saying uh -uh I don't care if it's the president of the United States I don't care if it's a boss I don't care if it's that guy who's like valedictorian of your high school class.
[193] I don't care if it's your dad.
[194] A man is not supposed to treat you like that.
[195] Let's start doing that.
[196] Number three, my husband tends to escalate things with our son and I'm always caught in the middle.
[197] This I've dressed before is one of the most common dynamics in our homes, which is you have a strong -willed child who's very difficult.
[198] They are, they're challenging, right?
[199] And it's emotionally exhausting.
[200] And then husband comes home.
[201] Legos all over the floor.
[202] Why'd you do this and starts yelling at the child?
[203] Guess what position the wife is in?
[204] And I did this to my wife.
[205] I did this.
[206] Exact same thing with our son Casey.
[207] Now guess what?
[208] The wife now is caught in this position where, well, if I don't say anything, then I allow my child's spirit to get crushed by my husband.
[209] But if I speak up, now I'm undermining my husband's authority.
[210] Again, a brutally horrible thing that the church overall, I'm not going to get into that here.
[211] It's for a separate podcast has done because we allowed that.
[212] And in some ways we kind of even encourage that.
[213] And it's horrible place to put a wife where she can't even speak up and she doesn't know what to do now.
[214] So how can I talk to my husband about this?
[215] Now, look, this would be its own podcast and several podcasts.
[216] But let me give you a few things you can start trying this week.
[217] And again, use wisdom in how you do this.
[218] I want you to have courage in doing this and knowing it's the right thing to do as well.
[219] Men tend to like clear, direct instructions.
[220] So let me get, because if you come home and say, you know what, I got the new calm parenting package.
[221] I bought this parenting resources from from Kirk's thing.
[222] And we just need to change our entire parenting paradigm.
[223] Well, I'm out.
[224] That's way too broad.
[225] handle like we need to change everything no come in if you do get our materials and we do have a really good new year sale on but if you get that even if you know honestly even if we didn't it's worth it just get them and go through them but as you go through them give your husband very something very specific hey honey when you get home tonight could you simply walk into ethan's room and tell him you're proud of him for doing x and you could even say i'll take care of the rest right over time you want your husband taking an after role helping digging in doing the hard emotional work but right now let's just get some small wins let's be be very specific give your husband ideas of how to handle things but don't necessarily do it like right in the moment right but beforehand hey hubby the next time this happens with our daughter in the kitchen could we try this sit down and simply ask her a question but don't correct don't get upset don't start threatening things could we try that could here's another good way to phrase it hey we've been trying your parenting method for the previous six seven 10 12 years it's not working it's not working we tried to tough route we tried spanking we tried taking away everything to child owns it's not working if you had this success rate at work you would have been fired by now it's not working so we got to try something else so for the next two weeks could we try X the next time this happens.
[226] Could you simply walk into the room and say X?
[227] Because I'm really good if you give me a specific instruction, I can do that.
[228] And I'm not trying to make us as men sound like we're incapable, but this is not always our strong suit.
[229] You put me in a job somewhere.
[230] I'll figure it out.
[231] Know how to do it.
[232] You throw me into a hard emotional situation with other human beings.
[233] Kind of tough.
[234] So giving him a script is actually a really nice thing.
[235] so if let's say you're in a situation and your husband's starting you know you can tell when this happens right starting to go down the wrong path you see his you know he shifts in his chair his body posture changes the tone changes and your husband's going down the wrong path with your son instead of correcting him in the moment say oh honey you know what i forget to i forgot to grab something from my car from the basement could you go grab that for me really help me out give him and out so he can calm down That's better than correcting him in front of the children.
[236] You can be nice and say, hey, I know you're really stressed now.
[237] What can I do to help reduce your stress?
[238] But you can and should also be direct and say this.
[239] You don't get to take your stress out on a kid.
[240] I expect more from you.
[241] Please, wives, don't let us get away with so much.
[242] Now, watch this.
[243] I'm not saying this.
[244] Don't walk around and nitpick all the time either and say, well, I listen to this guy's materials and podcasts eight hours a day, and you're not doing it right, right?
[245] Like, set us up for success.
[246] And when we do try, and when your husband does get involved, it makes an honest effort and does a good job, but doesn't do it perfectly, don't come in and say, well, you know, you could have done that, because then he's going to be like, you know what, you are better without me. I can't do it.
[247] Walk in and say, you know what, I really appreciate you working on that.
[248] I appreciate you being more patient tonight.
[249] That worked much better.
[250] leave it at that.
[251] At another point time you can come back after that and say, hey, that was really good.
[252] Next time, can we try this?
[253] Because I noticed at the end, it didn't go as well.
[254] But man, that was awesome and I appreciate it.
[255] Right.
[256] But I do want you to be direct with things at times and say, look, you don't get to take your stress out on a kid.
[257] It's like that podcast of the people like my husband has, whatever they call that thing of like he's stressed from work.
[258] Well, welcome to life.
[259] But you don't get to take that out on a kid.
[260] You got to grow up.
[261] I do like to call BS on men when they make excuses.
[262] Just do it in a direct, concise way because that's what men respond to best.
[263] You know, there's this thing like, for many years, like I went through things where it's like, oh, men, come on, I'm going to teach you how to speak to women, so women kind of get it more.
[264] Because there are some differences, not always, and sometimes the roles are reversed, right?
[265] Some of you are more, some of the moms listening, you're like the tough, rigid one, right?
[266] you're the you're the kirk voice like this right and your husband's the passive one whatever i get that but i'm just playing the percentages here when i do this so you know how that works um but anyway we're we were men were kind of taught like okay i can do that i'm going to talk more emotionally connected language and do all these things but we haven't really taught women how to talk to men when men talk to men, we're very direct.
[267] When I, my son is a man now, he's 30.
[268] When we're kind of tough with each other, I'm tough with him, it's a sentence.
[269] And there's usually a swear word involved.
[270] And it's really, really, really, really effective.
[271] And so I do like, I encourage you to talk to men in direct, concise way, because that's what we respond to.
[272] Don't talk about, look, I'm, I know people are going to say, oh, you, you're a man, you don't get to tell women how they should talk.
[273] I'm not, it's not what I'm doing.
[274] I'm trying to make it effective.
[275] I want it to be effective.
[276] So short to the point, hey, honey, that's an excuse and it's not right.
[277] There's another one.
[278] Hey, honey, you don't let the kids make excuses and you tell them to be responsible for their choices.
[279] It's time you did the same.
[280] I like that.
[281] Now, here's a snarky one I had given a mom once for military husband was, oh, is that the way they taught you to treat women and children in the military?
[282] really because I expect more from you don't be afraid to be blunt with your husbands I know they don't usually receive it well at first but it can be really effective but mostly I want to try to get some small wins be assertive about what you need be very very specific here's an example that doesn't work and this is more like your own marriage relationship well honey I just I just feel like we're lacking intimacy, and we need to really connect.
[283] Look, I'm a guy.
[284] Now, I know what that means because I'm an evolved guy, but most men are not, right?
[285] Typical guy is like, I have no idea what you just said.
[286] We're lacking intimacy.
[287] We really need to connect.
[288] I don't know what to do with that.
[289] But here's a better example.
[290] Honey, I like it when we lay in bed and your leg touches mine.
[291] Okay, good.
[292] I can make sure my leg touches yours.
[293] That's doable.
[294] And it's not talking down to us.
[295] It's just talking in a respectful way because it's like, I can do that.
[296] Don't talk in roundabout language with your husband because you're intimidated by him.
[297] I get why you would do that.
[298] And I know you get intimidated and it's really, really hard for some of you.
[299] But let's practice being direct.
[300] I'll throw this out to you.
[301] Email us.
[302] If you're struggling with this, email me. And you can say, this is what I really want to say to my husband, but I don't know how.
[303] Can you give me some words to use?
[304] And I will do my best by email to email you back with a more direct language that you can use that I think your husband will respond to.
[305] I also will, it's not always my favorite thing, but I'm doing it more and more of like, hey will you do a couple phone consultations with my husband i'm like let's do too my whole thing is though if i'm going to talk to your husband he's got to know i'm going to be very kind because i'm a kind man but i'm also going to be very direct and say hey cut the crap cut it out you got to grow up stop talking to your daughter like that and stop talking to your wife like that here's what we need to do and i'm good with that and i'll and i'll uh also give them some very practical tools to you so that's an option if you're interested go the website you can sign up for a couple calls Here's another way that you could talk to your husband, and I'm going to have got to close up.
[306] Hey, I know you probably weren't even aware that you were doing this.
[307] It's a really nice way to lead in because sometimes men don't know that they're doing it.
[308] We're just being idiot guys, because that's kind of what we are in some ways, right?
[309] I know you probably weren't aware that you were doing this, but when you do X, it makes me feel like Y, right?
[310] when you talk to me like that, it sounds demeaning and it makes me feel like I'm a little kid and not respected.
[311] Say that and I know you don't want to convey that.
[312] See, that's a nice introduction to it because your husband may feel embarrassed.
[313] He might feel like a failure in this area like he never knows how to do it right because you married a software engineer or a left brain project engineer or someone who's like, I'm not really good at these things.
[314] So give him some scripts to you.
[315] So you can be gentle and kind at first, but by no means do you let his angry or gruff demeanor in response dissuade you and throw him off your off the, throw you off the track.
[316] At some point, he's got to, he's got to grow up and handle this stuff.
[317] So don't let him off the hook.
[318] So I'd encourage you.
[319] You can do this.
[320] Feel free to email me. I will help you with that as best as I can.
[321] We do phone consultations if you want.
[322] Also, I would go through the Calm Parenting Package because there is a program just for men.
[323] Actually, this might be your better option first.
[324] It's a little bit cheaper than the phone calls.
[325] And it's way cheaper than a divorce and besides the cost of it, it's the emotional cost of this, right?
[326] There is a program in the Calm Parenting Package called Straight Talk for Men.
[327] It is me talking directly to your husband, man to man. and you can get this package.
[328] It's got like 12 different programs.
[329] It's very robust and it costs like, it's like the cost of one trip to a therapist's office.
[330] You get to all the programs.
[331] And all you have to say is hubby, I'm going to download this to your phone.
[332] There are 12 programs.
[333] Guess what?
[334] I'm not asking you to listen to all 12.
[335] Just listen to this one.
[336] Just listen to this one.
[337] And then moms, I want you to listen to the men's program too so you know what I'm saying to him so you guys can talk about it.
[338] And you could even go to him and say, hey, so.
[339] you listen to that.
[340] What can I help you do?
[341] I can start with the kinder thing, right?
[342] I can come alongside and know like, hey, this guy that you married is really good at doing X and Y, but man, he's really not good at these relationship things.
[343] So how can I help you with that?
[344] Because I know your dad didn't teach you that.
[345] Dad didn't model that.
[346] What's the hardest part?
[347] Have that talk.
[348] What's the hardest part of dealing with our strong -willed child?
[349] What does that trigger inside of you?
[350] Are you afraid because you're the dad that you have to come down on him because that's what your dad taught you.
[351] You come down on a kid.
[352] And go through that with him.
[353] Anyway, if we can help you in any way, please let us know.
[354] Reach out to Casey's email is C -A -S -E -Y at Celebrate Calm .com.
[355] You just email me if you want.
[356] It's Kirk, K -R -R -K at Celebrate Calm .com.
[357] Hey, thanks for listening to this.
[358] Thank you for sharing this.
[359] Share this podcast if you find it helpful.
[360] And thanks for bearing with me, right?
[361] I share some more difficult things and letting me do this in a way that's authentic to me because I'm a guy.
[362] And I like this guy language.
[363] It just works.
[364] Anyway, hey, love you all.
[365] We'll talk to you soon.
[366] Bye -bye.