Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] This special episode of Summer Smores is presented by Solo Stove.
[1] Solo Stove is uniquely designed to burn off smoke before it ever escapes the top of the fire pit.
[2] Trust us, once you've sat around at smokeless fire, you'll never want to go back.
[3] Go check them out at Solostove .com.
[4] Use promo code Conan to get $10 off your new pit.
[5] Summer Smoors with Conan and the Chill Chums, a six -part series with Conan O 'Brien, Sonomovsessian, and Matt Gourley.
[6] Let's get started.
[7] Welcome to the final installment, 2023 Summer Smoors.
[8] This is kind of the postgame, the wrap -up.
[9] It's been a couple of days.
[10] We've all had time to think about our actions, to check on the police records, to view the hidden cameras.
[11] And, you know, I think of this as one of those episodes they have after a reality show is done when they get everyone together.
[12] The reunion?
[13] The reunions and they're all on stage and we don't look as nice.
[14] I know, but the point is we talk about how Sona lost her shit and screamed at me and then, you know, Gorley and I made out, but we didn't tell Bridget.
[15] I just made up that name.
[16] You'd be terrible on a reality show.
[17] You know, it would be happening on any reality show, I would just be, I'd want to work out and I'd want to get my sleep and I would rehydrate a, lot.
[18] And the producers would keep nudging me and saying, don't you want to go over there and flirt with the girl and then have a fight with that guy?
[19] And I'd be like, nah, it seems kind of awkward.
[20] Wait, there are cameras and you're not going up against the cameras?
[21] Like, you'd be so drawn to the cameras like a mock to flame.
[22] I'd be sitting at a desk working on something and then occasionally mugging at a camera and making little faces and thinking that that in any way competes with two young people doing it.
[23] Rolling around together.
[24] And I'd be like, yeah, they can roll around all they want with their fantastic naked bodies that are slightly blurred.
[25] But here I am reading Samuel Johnson's version of the dictionary and making my groucho faces to the camera.
[26] And then pausing to rehydrate before eight and a half hours of sleep.
[27] Nothing less, the doctor says.
[28] Oh, no. And then finally at some point, they would convince someone to come up to me and go like, Conan, do you want to make out?
[29] I'd rather not.
[30] Cooties.
[31] I wear a wedding ring.
[32] This is my bond, my betrothed.
[33] Back to my Samuel Johnson.
[34] Anyway, let's get into it.
[35] Do you want to recap, Gurley?
[36] I thought it was a, first of all, I thought, I want to say a couple of things.
[37] I thought the pizza was delicious.
[38] The drinks were amazing.
[39] Thank you.
[40] Quite potent.
[41] Want to talk about what, give us your blow by blow.
[42] Well, I think they were maybe, I don't know if they were stronger this year or I was more susceptible, but I got a little sloppier this year than last time, I think.
[43] I got fucked up.
[44] Yeah, you did.
[45] Yeah, I did.
[46] Yeah, but it was nice.
[47] I really like that sona.
[48] I like all sonas.
[49] Oh, okay.
[50] You don't have a bad drink personality where some people like demons come out.
[51] Conan would disagree.
[52] No, no. No, no. You're very nice and friendly when you imbibe.
[53] A sweetness.
[54] There's a sweet person there.
[55] But don't we, we've had, we've, like, fought.
[56] Like, I've gone after you.
[57] Well, yeah, physically.
[58] You physically attack.
[59] Not often.
[60] Sort of like any animal when threatened.
[61] No, you have, but I don't think so.
[62] I think you're actually very, very nice.
[63] I think most of the times that you and I have had a real argument or I've seen you lose your temper, alcohol wasn't involved at all.
[64] You might be right.
[65] It's just, you know, you see red when you see red, and then you don't contain yourself.
[66] And mostly I've seen you go after other people, not me, which is fun.
[67] I like it when it's not me. Oh, no, you don't.
[68] You get embarrassed because you're there with me. I just distanced myself very quickly and I say, what can you do?
[69] She has rabies, you know?
[70] She was bit by a very sick rabbit last week.
[71] I drove here, but did not drive back.
[72] That's how, that's where I was.
[73] I took a lift home.
[74] Yeah, well, I thought because we're all going to be sampling ahead of time, I mean, I made the plan to get a lift here and then get a lift home.
[75] So I just knew that because I'd be having some alcohol, like, let's not even mess with that here.
[76] I'm responsible.
[77] Well, I'm sorry, but yeah.
[78] I didn't leave my car here.
[79] Wait, so you're saying that you, you're saying, Sona, that you thought there's a chance that you might not drink.
[80] Yeah, I really, I legitimately thought I would be okay, especially since we were eating.
[81] just saying, I'll think I'll be all right.
[82] Come on.
[83] I'll be fine.
[84] You know, it's hilarious.
[85] I wrote in with Sona knowing exactly that I could get a ride home from my wife who was coming in.
[86] I'm not driving home.
[87] There's no way.
[88] And Sona was my ride in.
[89] Did you leave your car here?
[90] I did.
[91] Yeah.
[92] And I was prepared for a ticket.
[93] But that's how I did it when I was younger.
[94] I would drive somewhere, leave my car there and come.
[95] I've had my car towed three times.
[96] Right.
[97] Like that's just part of the world.
[98] You just, I love that you could have that kind of reckless abandon.
[99] Yeah.
[100] You probably, if you had to, you would leave your car somewhere.
[101] Yeah, now, but when I was younger, I would have been worried about it being towed.
[102] Oh, but if it's toad, you just find out where it's towed and then you get it back.
[103] You make it sound so reasonable.
[104] Yeah, and you make it sound enjoyable.
[105] That's the worst I've had to do that.
[106] It's not enjoyable.
[107] Just leave your car places, and then they tow it and you find out where it was towed.
[108] Yeah.
[109] Did your car get towed or ticketed?
[110] Today?
[111] I mean, no, no, it did it.
[112] I got, it was fine.
[113] When I came back, it was fine.
[114] Yeah, I know.
[115] I lucked out.
[116] But it's been, there have been times when it's gotten towed where crazy Sona came out and I would, you know, yell at people.
[117] But it, you know, it didn't work.
[118] So I think we can all admit that we, first of all, I'll say that those drinks are very deceptive because you don't think you're drinking alcohol because it's rum -based.
[119] It's, it's got a, it's a little deceptive, you know.
[120] It's so friendly.
[121] You feel like you're just sipping on a nice fruity drink.
[122] It's so smooth.
[123] And then the next thing you know, you're wearing your pants on your head.
[124] And that's, you know.
[125] I think I had no joke.
[126] I had five.
[127] Oh my God.
[128] Really?
[129] Wow.
[130] Okay.
[131] I had a lot.
[132] Yeah.
[133] It was tasty.
[134] I ate a lot of pizza.
[135] I did too.
[136] We had our faces.
[137] You know, I actually am more embarrassed about my pizza consumption because I am a Tasmanian devil when it to pizza, and you've seen this Sona.
[138] But what happened was, so they bring out the pizzas and we all, we don't even have to eat them all.
[139] But I, no, they were meant to be just kind of display pieces.
[140] Displayed.
[141] And I inhaled mine.
[142] And then I was looking around like a feral animal to see if anyone else had extra pizza.
[143] But then, do you remember they made these experimental pizzas?
[144] They were just sort of supposed to be a joke, meaning here's one that looks like Conan's face.
[145] That's what I'm talking about, yeah.
[146] No, no, I'm talking about the first one.
[147] Oh, yeah.
[148] The first one I...
[149] Oh, that's what for us to eat.
[150] Yeah, but like, you don't have to eat the whole thing.
[151] I inhaled that.
[152] I just basically thought, this is a communion wafer.
[153] Yeah.
[154] I'm going to shove this whole thing in my mouth, and it's the body and blood of Christ, and down we go.
[155] But then they brought out these display ones, which we weren't even supposed to eat.
[156] And I noticed at one point, you guys are chatting, and I'm realizing I haven't been talking for a while.
[157] And my name is on the podcast.
[158] And it's because I'm for...
[159] forcing the display pizza into my esophagus, not even chewing it.
[160] I'm just shoving it down.
[161] There was a point at which we had stopped recording.
[162] We're like, okay, so we could take these and you're like, no, and you wouldn't let us take the pizza away.
[163] No, no, I was like, because I admit my drug is a carb.
[164] It really is.
[165] Like, I, I admit I have no self -control, so I think I can have self -control around all kinds of kinds of substances that other people have problems with.
[166] But if it's a pizza, it doesn't even have to be a particularly good one.
[167] To that point, these display pizzas had disproportionate toppings so that they could make our faces.
[168] So some of them would have like a pound of pepperoni on them or all sliced cheese.
[169] Mine had buttons from overcoats.
[170] Korean War, Siemens jackets.
[171] And I was just, I didn't care.
[172] I was just making it go.
[173] It's go into stomach, you know, get in my belly.
[174] Yours had mushrooms, which you hate.
[175] I don't even eat mushrooms.
[176] And I was shoving them down my face.
[177] And at one point, Blay goes to take them away from me. And I'm like, Don't touch the precious.
[178] Blaise wants the precious.
[179] And then you just see me?
[180] I was wearing just a loincloth.
[181] And I grabbed my half pizza and I scuttled through some.
[182] caves over some wet rocks and I have just a few hairs on my head combed over strategically Blaze wants the precious but Conan has the precious and I was inhaling it and I'm like Cookie Monster where the thing I've always been amazed with Cookie Monster is most the cookie isn't going in well it's a puppet it's a puppet and so I know but I love that he's just the cookie just I hate to break it to you.
[183] It's just flying.
[184] And there's, you know, they could have given Cookie Monster a tiny, a tiny orifice in there.
[185] No. They could have given him something.
[186] But no. Cookies just bouncing off left and right.
[187] You were like a wood chipper where it goes.
[188] Yeah.
[189] No, and I went home and felt in the morning it wasn't like a hangover.
[190] It was deep shame about the way I behaved around the people.
[191] pizzas.
[192] And, and you know, I do, Sonia, you will attest that I try, like I have a spinach shake that I make in the morning.
[193] You are, I think generally speaking, you're a very healthy person.
[194] I'm a very healthy person.
[195] But when I go off, I don't go slightly off the rails.
[196] When it's time for me to go rogue, it's pure insanity.
[197] So this wasn't planned because I've been trying to be healthy too.
[198] And I knew on this day, all bets were off.
[199] I was going to have as much I wanted to drink as much pizza as I wanted because that's just that's the circumstance he came in buzzed I mean when you're buzzed right he's also acting and during the these episodes too is acting like he wasn't you know affected by the drink and you were slurring your speech more than I think you would care to admit I mean first of all I you know you're about to apologize but I had had a major cerebral event earlier yeah major major cerebral a major brain bleed unfortunately Unfortunately, we took care of it.
[200] I waited a couple of days, which is always the best thing to do when you're having...
[201] Just wait a few days.
[202] Wait a few days and then see a neurologist.
[203] Rub some grass in it.
[204] I wouldn't say I got crazy, but yeah, I had some rum.
[205] Yeah.
[206] I had some rum, but I think I was more filled with shame about the pizza.
[207] SummerSmore series is back.
[208] Each year we gather on a solo stove fire pit.
[209] It's kind of nice.
[210] I love you, guys.
[211] I love you too.
[212] I'm okay.
[213] I know.
[214] And I love each other as soon as it's just okay.
[215] This year, Solo Sto sent us the Bonfire.
[216] It's designed to put out some serious heat without putting off that dirty S word.
[217] You know what I'm talking about?
[218] Smoke.
[219] Yeah.
[220] It's what I've got to tell you.
[221] The Solo stove is uniquely designed to burn off smoke before it ever escapes the top of the fire pit.
[222] Once you sat around a smokeless fire, you'll never want to go back.
[223] Guys, correct me if I'm wrong.
[224] I've sat around some fires in my day, okay?
[225] Okay?
[226] Smoke gets in my eyes.
[227] I start crying.
[228] People think I'm having an emotional breakdown.
[229] I'm taken away and put into an institution.
[230] There's no smoke here.
[231] We've got a nice fire.
[232] We've got some heat, but no smoke.
[233] That's why we know you're crying is actually just emotional.
[234] Exactly.
[235] I'm crying because I'm with two people I love very much.
[236] Oh, wait.
[237] Who's here?
[238] It's us.
[239] Oh, it's me. Oh, wait.
[240] Sorry, my glasses weren't on.
[241] Anyway, Solissov has multiple different colors that are portable so you can take it.
[242] And in the back country, you can go to the beach, you can go up to the top of a mountain, you go into a deep cave.
[243] It looks good.
[244] It works great.
[245] Plus, it has a lifetime warranty, which means we could do easily 7 ,000 seasons of this show.
[246] That's a lot.
[247] Well, I'd like to retire at some point.
[248] I don't think so.
[249] Your family has said they're fine with you working.
[250] Anyway, we can do a lot of seasons, and that solo stove would keep on cooking.
[251] Go check them out at Solostove .com and use promo code Conan to get $10 off.
[252] your new pit.
[253] So did you come into that night thinking you weren't going to drink that much and you weren't going to eat that much?
[254] Yeah, I think I thought I'll nibble a bit.
[255] And then what happens is, um, you really, no, you didn't think that.
[256] I did.
[257] I did think.
[258] You thought, I'm going to stop myself.
[259] Yeah, I did.
[260] I know.
[261] I don't know me. It's like there's certain food.
[262] I know if it's put in front of you, you, you blank out and then it's just there's crumbs.
[263] Like, you do that with popcorn.
[264] Yeah, oh my God, cheese popcorn.
[265] If people want to know my true weakness, a very good cheese popcorn.
[266] Yeah.
[267] It's all inhibitions go.
[268] It's scary.
[269] But I've always been this way about cheese popcorn.
[270] And anyone who knows me well, like my brothers and sisters know that if they wanted me to, in other way, sometimes very rarely, but you've heard about bank robbers will kidnap someone will strap a bomb to his chest and they'll say you have to go in and rob that bank.
[271] And it's like, oh my God, this is, you know, so evil.
[272] But the person has no choice if they let me have a little bit of cheese popcorn from a bag and then took it away.
[273] And I said, I need, give me the rest.
[274] And they would say, we'll give you the rest, but you have to go into that city bank and rob it.
[275] And the note I would pass would be they have the rest of my cheese popcorn.
[276] And the teller would be saying, what?
[277] That's, I'd be pointing at the note.
[278] They have the rest of my cheese popcorn.
[279] I got to have a quarter of the bag But there's still three quarters of the bag And they've put a clip on it To keep it from drying out The bank is right next to a popcorn Yeah And then I'm just They're like well what's the big deal We have cheese pop No, it's the really good It's that kind from Chicago That's really has extra cheddar on real cheddar And I have multiple notes I keep handing them more notes None of which are I'm robbing your bank No well then finally there's one They're like, sir, what is the point of all these?
[280] You have nine notes here about how you want this cheese popcorn.
[281] Are you making a deposit or withdrawal?
[282] What are we doing here?
[283] Oh, I'm sorry.
[284] Here's this note.
[285] Note number 75.
[286] Give me money.
[287] No, we're not giving you money.
[288] What do we care if you get your cheese popcorn or not?
[289] And then I have a note that you see I quickly scribbled that just says, I have bomb on chest.
[290] And they're like, nope.
[291] No, you don't.
[292] We saw you just write that.
[293] And you're just wearing a t -shirt.
[294] There's clearly nothing on it except cheese dust.
[295] So, sir, please leave the bank.
[296] Then I'm back there.
[297] I tried.
[298] Where's the popcorn?
[299] You don't get the popcorn.
[300] You failed in your mission.
[301] It's all notes.
[302] You don't say a word?
[303] I go in with lots of notes.
[304] Lots of notes You anticipated what she was going to say I can't even I can't even I can't even That's so your generation Oh It's so your generation So your generation It's groovy That's true You guys are both idiots I'm in my late 70s And everything's groovy You're dumb millennials and boomers You're stupid It's radical, man. My generation is, crank up the oingo -boingo.
[305] It's time to lose it.
[306] My generation is more synthesizer.
[307] More fake drums.
[308] They had used real drums on Betty Davis eyes.
[309] It would suck.
[310] Hey, my mom went to high school with Kim Carnes.
[311] Is that true?
[312] Yeah.
[313] Who's that?
[314] You're kidding.
[315] She sang Betty Davisyes.
[316] It's Betty Davisyes.
[317] I thought that was Rod Stewart.
[318] What?
[319] That's a woman.
[320] No. It's Kim Carnes.
[321] Hold on.
[322] What song am I thinking of?
[323] He's atrocious and she knows just what it takes, right?
[324] She's got better day to make a pro blush.
[325] I talked about this with Grace Potter.
[326] I talked about this with the amazing Grace Potter and she does an amazing Kim Carnes.
[327] I mean, close your eyes and you think this is Kim Carnes.
[328] And she says the rhyme was she's atrocious and she knows.
[329] just how to make a pro blush.
[330] Wow.
[331] You're like, oh my Lord.
[332] I didn't realize there was a third rhyme in that.
[333] Yeah.
[334] Wow.
[335] Remember that parody of, she's got Marty Feldman?
[336] No, I don't remember that.
[337] I love Marty Feldman.
[338] Yeah.
[339] Well, we went from an obscure reference.
[340] We did it again.
[341] Great little tangent there, guys.
[342] Sorry about that.
[343] Every now and then we like to try and shake off all our listeners.
[344] It's like shaking a tail.
[345] It's like shaking a tail in a movie.
[346] Hey, did we get rid of them?
[347] And we were looking out the back window.
[348] They're following us.
[349] Okay, let's make this one.
[350] Let's make Ogo and Boogo reference.
[351] Let's do this.
[352] Let's do that.
[353] Okay, we lost.
[354] There's still two on us.
[355] Kim Carnes.
[356] Okay.
[357] There's still one following us.
[358] Marty Feldman.
[359] Okay, we're in the clear.
[360] Let's go.
[361] Let's go rob that bank.
[362] I'm actively trying to lose up.
[363] Let me go rob that bank now with my nine notes.
[364] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend, the podcast that dares you to listen to it.
[365] People should know Marty Feldman.
[366] He was Igor.
[367] in Young Frankenstein, a brilliant comedy writer who actually was quite influential and popular and a big star when the pythons were coming up.
[368] This is good that you end an obscure reference with a lecture.
[369] This ought to keep people.
[370] Well, I think people should know Marty Feldman.
[371] He's one of the funniest people of all time.
[372] Okay.
[373] Have you watched Young Frankenstein?
[374] I did a long time ago and I don't remember.
[375] It's actually kind of a perfect comedy.
[376] There are very few perfect comedy.
[377] and young Frankenstein is one of them.
[378] It's really amazing.
[379] I don't remember like anything I watched yesterday.
[380] It's all in black and white.
[381] Gene Wilder.
[382] Oh, pass.
[383] Oh, come on.
[384] Don't worry.
[385] They've colorized it.
[386] Don't worry.
[387] They've colorized it.
[388] I've watched black and white.
[389] They've colorized it and they've added system of a down music.
[390] Oh, hell yeah.
[391] Oh, no. So now you're in.
[392] Now I'm in.
[393] Yeah, you're in.
[394] Oh, God.
[395] And anyone who watches it gets free Margies.
[396] Skinny Marks.
[397] Well, I know, I did have a good time.
[398] I did have shame about the way I ate, and I'm embarrassed about that.
[399] No judgment here, man. We look how we had a lot to drink.
[400] We all were buddies, and we had each other's back.
[401] We held each other's hair, proverbially, as we threw up.
[402] Yeah.
[403] The question is, next year, what's it going to be?
[404] Yeah, what do we do?
[405] We're going to do this again?
[406] Oh, yeah.
[407] We're going on a trip.
[408] Next year, I am not.
[409] I'm not drinking next year.
[410] What?
[411] Yes, you are.
[412] Why can't we all just, like, take an edible?
[413] That'll be fun.
[414] Oh, okay, we could do that.
[415] I say we take an edible or mushrooms and go to Vegas.
[416] Okay.
[417] Oh, that sounds good.
[418] And I hate Vegas.
[419] I have never.
[420] I don't do edibles or mushrooms.
[421] Oh.
[422] Square.
[423] Well, I mean, tell me about mushrooms.
[424] Will that be a good experience for me?
[425] I honestly don't know.
[426] I don't know.
[427] I've never done them.
[428] I bought them once, but couldn't carve out enough time to do them.
[429] So I've never done them either.
[430] I've microdosed and it just made me nauseous.
[431] Yeah.
[432] Uh -huh.
[433] Yeah.
[434] Okay.
[435] Some people get that.
[436] But I'll do it.
[437] Oh, we could do, is Molly illegal?
[438] How about heroin?
[439] That's cool, right?
[440] We can do over -the -counter heroin.
[441] You know what I love when Sona said, I bought these drugs, but I didn't carve out the time.
[442] And I thought, I love a drug addict who's just a poor planner.
[443] And so busy.
[444] Yeah, and it's just like, you know, hey, did you get the stuff?
[445] I did.
[446] I got the stuff.
[447] I got the hair.
[448] I got the black tar heroin.
[449] Yeah.
[450] Did you get the spoon?
[451] Fuck.
[452] And I really have my taxes to do.
[453] I can't fit this in.
[454] No. And then I got to get the kids to the pool.
[455] Promise.
[456] And then I have to.
[457] Promise I get the accurate of the mechanic from my husband.
[458] I still don't know what that knocking sound is.
[459] Yeah, but what about the stuff?
[460] Huh?
[461] Oh, we'll get to that later.
[462] Can we just do it later?
[463] Yeah.
[464] Just table it.
[465] Yeah.
[466] Did you get the rubber thing that ties off the...
[467] No, no, no. I figured we'd have that around the house.
[468] Look, we can't do this now.
[469] My mother -in -law is here in half an hour.
[470] Did you fix the hole in the beanbag chair?
[471] No. Beepad chair.
[472] All right.
[473] Well, listen, I had a good time.
[474] I do enjoy you guys.
[475] And I do want to say thank you to Matt, because you did a lot of the work.
[476] So you made a great drink.
[477] Your lovely wife helped out.
[478] Yeah, Sarah and Amanda and all the crew.
[479] Sarah was a big help.
[480] There's a whole crew of people helping out.
[481] is the best crew.
[482] I mean, a lot of people deserve a shout out.
[483] Eduardo, you were there.
[484] Mikey, Josh, for shooting the video.
[485] Chills.
[486] Chills.
[487] Oh, and the solo stove guys, who made us the pizza.
[488] You know, I don't even have to mention it because it's not required, but those solo stove, the people that brought that pizza oven, they did an amazing job.
[489] And they were very nice, too.
[490] I want my pizza.
[491] DG and Chris?
[492] Is there still a solo stove here for me to take home?
[493] No, that one stings at the building.
[494] You have to go out and buy your own.
[495] No, I was promised to solo stove That's the only reason I did this No, no, you thought you were promised to solo stove I did What I told you was have another drink Oh Okay You just interpreted that Snuckered again All right We'll see you guys next time Hope you're enjoying your summer That's like That's like one of those yearbooks Like when people sign yearbooks Have a good summer KIT With some guilt involved Like I hope you like You're enjoying your summer.
[496] I hope you're enjoying your summer with the world, the state it's in.
[497] That's what I want it to sound like.
[498] Hey, hope you're having a good time.
[499] Canada's on fire.
[500] Enjoy your summer, asshole.
[501] I've got to go rob a bank.
[502] I'll be back.
[503] Summer Smoors with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[504] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[505] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
[506] Theme song by The White Stripes.
[507] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
[508] Take it away, Jimmy.
[509] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
[510] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.
[511] Additional production support by Mars Melnik.
[512] Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.
[513] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.
[514] Got a question for Conan?
[515] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.
[516] It too could be featured on a future episode.
[517] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.