#200 - Duncan Trussell

[0] All day.

[1] Duncan.

[2] There's some rustling going on right now.

[3] Trying to find my Alphabrain.

[4] Oh.

[5] If you're on a desert island, you would make Alphabrain out of Mermaid.

[6] A mermaid pussy.

[7] Dried scrapings.

[8] On the inside of a Mermaid's pussy.

[9] Imagine that?

[10] But they say the myth of the mermaid came from horny sailors trying to rationalize fucking seals.

[11] Of course.

[12] Fucking everything.

[13] Manatees.

[14] Manatees.

[15] Yeah, they'd fuck a manatee because they were so horny.

[16] And then they'd be like, no, it was a mermaid.

[17] I swear.

[18] What kind of a crazy asshole would commit back then to getting in a goddamn boat and going across the ocean for like four months?

[19] A lot of times not even knowing if there was some shit on the other end.

[20] Oh, yeah, thinking it might just stop.

[21] Like, they thought the world just ended in their waterfall.

[22] That's how bad Europe sucked in the 1400s that Columbus was like, yeah, maybe it does fall off.

[23] Let's go, bitches.

[24] Come on.

[25] I'm going to live forever.

[26] Look what the fuck we're eating.

[27] Look at the streets we're living in.

[28] People stink.

[29] Yeah.

[30] Yeah.

[31] Yeah, they were so upset with Europe.

[32] They were like, fuck this.

[33] We're just going to get in a boat and go to someplace.

[34] I mean, we're not even looking at it really truly in perspectives because here's something that was really rare back then.

[35] Any one -on -one accounts of someone who went there that liked it, forget about pictures.

[36] They didn't have pictures back then.

[37] Would you see some drawings?

[38] No, you didn't even talk to one guy probably that went over there himself and had a wonderful.

[39] and prosperous life and was telling you, listen, there's land to be had.

[40] It's a great time.

[41] Come on over.

[42] What a great mass of movement of humans in such a short period of time, the population of the North American continent.

[43] You know, and the fact that there was already a small group of nomadic people that were living here, and they were just completely overwhelmed, like the volume and the numbers.

[44] I think there was a lot of them in North America.

[45] I think there was a lot of Native Americans and indigenous people.

[46] Well, when you say a lot, was there like millions?

[47] Let me say, even if there was a lot, it's nothing in comparison to what it is like right now.

[48] There's never been population numbers like this anywhere, right?

[49] Has there ever been a place where there was virtually no one, and immigrants all came in, and then within a few hundred years there was 300 million of them?

[50] Nope.

[51] No, right?

[52] I mean, unless it was pre -flood before the last meteor, impact or something like that.

[53] I wonder how many Native Americans there were before they were killed and pushed back and, you know, that must have been unbelievable for them.

[54] The people that had lived their lives like a certain way before the first white men came, you know, it must have been preposterous.

[55] Like, you know, they, probably generation after generation, they had followed the Buffalo and they had lived this, you know, very disciplined and spiritual and sort of in tune with nature and their environment and they had, you know, very clear laws of morality and how you deal with nature and how you use up your resources.

[56] Really fascinating.

[57] Like, you could tell that they had a deep reverence and a real understanding for the resources of the environment and not taking too much, not wasting anything.

[58] Because you might not have it, man. Like, they were under a real concern about starving to death.

[59] If they didn't get up in the morning and follow the buffalo and they lost those motherfuckers.

[60] Sure.

[61] And if they have no food for a few weeks like what the people you'll be your baby can die man you might just fuck up and run into a you know time the season's wrong and run into some place where you're stuck chasing these buffalo in a place it gets snowed in and there's no food oh yeah not to mention the fact that bears are eating you oh yeah eaten by a bear that's a real worry for you yeah especially if you're in the woods and you fuck up and stumble upon its mother a mother and the cubs forget they're they're fucking monsters I mean, think about how aggressive people are around their babies, you know?

[62] You're dealing with a giant thousand -pound fucking dog, essentially.

[63] It's like a big, mean dog.

[64] It's a dog with thick skin.

[65] Those things have such thick fucking skin.

[66] They bite themselves.

[67] They don't even hurt themselves.

[68] Yeah.

[69] You ever seen them go to war with each other?

[70] Oh, yeah.

[71] Yeah, they're taking, you know, chunks of hairs are flying and shit like that, and they're fine.

[72] They're fine.

[73] Just bit the fuck out of each other, bit each other, clawed each other and scrapped.

[74] They literally would have dismembered.

[75] are weak and gelatinous -like bodies.

[76] In a second.

[77] Just torn them apart like they're nothing.

[78] Just crunch through your skull.

[79] What a shit life it must have been back then.

[80] Bad life, man. I mean, the American Indians on one hand you can say there was a lot of satisfaction in that life and they probably were happier than the majority of people today.

[81] I think that's really arguable.

[82] But that's just the majority of people there are for weak -ass bitches.

[83] It's not that today isn't way more awesome.

[84] And people get confused in that.

[85] sometimes people go you know what people were happier back when they couldn't read did you know that people are happier people are happier back when they just had grunts and everybody knew what they had to do to keep that doesn't mean back then doesn't suck and today's an awesome it just means that today is so uber complex that a lot of people just don't even try they just go I can't do it and they just throw it down the ground and they run away because yeah there's no mechanism to really take care of that like back then if you threw yourself on the ground You die.

[86] I'm not doing this.

[87] A fucking barrel eats you.

[88] A bobcat would eat you.

[89] Your enemies would kill you.

[90] You'd starve to death.

[91] Now you can really get a lot of weird, like, weepy.

[92] You could be really weepy and scared with very little effect.

[93] But you, the effect is like, but you still get an effect.

[94] I mean, the effect is that.

[95] Well, sure, you never progress, but you don't have to worry about getting eaten outside your house.

[96] You're not going to get eaten.

[97] Yeah.

[98] The reason why people develop character, the reason why, people develop consequences because they're consequences for not having those things right there's consequences for not having character this confident there's consequences for not having confidence for not having control over your environment for not being a fucking man there are consequences but what are they really they're pretty meager some other guy fucks your girlfriend she leaves you for someone who's more powerful you lose your your metal box and you have to get an older metal box that someone has already lived in you know you know what is it they take your car away you get a new car you have to move to a shittier apartment well it's it's it's What is it really happening here?

[99] The cumulative effect of everything that you're saying means that you're living in hell.

[100] Well, you're a bitch, is what it's pointing out that you're a bitch.

[101] But my point is, even with the shittier new car, the less cool car, the older car, in the shitty apartment, you're still living a billion times lever better than anybody did when they were, you know, Lewis and Clark were hitchhiking their way across the fucking country walking.

[102] No. Horses and shit.

[103] They didn't know what the fuck was going on.

[104] That was a ridiculous thing to do.

[105] You're living pretty much everyone is living a life that's very similar to like Roman nobility.

[106] You've got running water.

[107] You can just go and turn the water on it.

[108] And take a hot shower.

[109] Yeah.

[110] It heats it up.

[111] That's a brand new thing.

[112] You've got a microwave.

[113] You can cook your food in like two minutes.

[114] Well, have you seen those new, there's new water heaters where it's a constant flow of hot water.

[115] It heats it instantly.

[116] And you don't have to have like giant tanks of water.

[117] The water goes through it.

[118] and instantly heats it up.

[119] So you could take a shower for an hour and a half and you'll never run out of hot water.

[120] Yeah, so you're living in paradise.

[121] You're not living back in the day when you wanted to kill fleas on your clothes.

[122] You would put it over the toilets.

[123] Did you know about that in the castles?

[124] In the castles, if you got the, so everything was flea infested back then.

[125] Everything was flea infested.

[126] There's fleas fucking everywhere.

[127] No way to clean things, right?

[128] No poison for the fleas.

[129] So everything's swarming with fleas.

[130] And so your clothes would get filled with fleas.

[131] And to get rid of the fleas in a castle, they would put the clothes over the shaft where the sewer is because the ammonia would rise up through the clothes and kill the fleas in the clothes.

[132] Oh, my God.

[133] So that's the world you're living in.

[134] You're washing your clothes in shit fumes.

[135] So they had to take those clothes and they had to all walk around smelling like ship fumes.

[136] But that's better than the fleas, man. That's better than the fleas.

[137] I'd rather smell like old diarrhea.

[138] I just want to figure that out.

[139] It's like, it's got to be a way to get these fucking things off me. Let's try lighting myself on fire.

[140] Nope, that doesn't work.

[141] That just kills me. Let's try running through the frozen river.

[142] Nope, now I'm hypothermia.

[143] What about shit?

[144] Shit fumes.

[145] Nobody likes shit.

[146] I run away from shit.

[147] Let's see who's, let's play chicken with shit smell.

[148] Let's see who quits first.

[149] Who taps first, the human being?

[150] You could get burn at the steak if you took a shower more than twice a year.

[151] Like, if you were taking like three or four showers a year, people might get suspicious.

[152] Like, you sure take a lot of showers.

[153] Well, they also be like, why are you so clean?

[154] Why do you smell that?

[155] Are you a witch?

[156] Only witches smell good.

[157] Yeah, when you, like, take a warm shower and then you climb into some, like, really soft cotton clothes and you're like, you're feeling better than most humans have ever felt in their whole life.

[158] That's like a deeper sense of pleasure you plop down on your soft and comfortable bed.

[159] And for, you know, for a real reason, you're not scared of getting eaten by anything.

[160] You're not scared of, you know, monsters or tribes coming into your town and raiding your village.

[161] You know, you have to over there that shit.

[162] A famine.

[163] Yeah.

[164] Oh, yeah, yeah, you're just chilling.

[165] Maybe sometimes you get colds.

[166] And then, you know, you get a Z -pack.

[167] Yeah.

[168] Hey, you're fucking fine.

[169] Yeah.

[170] You know, you're sitting in front of a television with Avatar playing, say, and you're sitting propped up on your pillows and you're wearing clean clothes.

[171] You have it better than anyone who's ever lived ever by a long shot.

[172] Did you imagine Lewis and Clark If you could show those motherfuckers the average You know a 23 year old dude who lives in some shitty apartment He's propped up on his bed Watching TV in his bedroom while his roommates fucking loud In the other room with a blender Like that guy's living in paradise He's like this place you shit hole I saw another mouse you saw one mouse That's it Well there's not everywhere infesting all your clothes And eating your food And giving everyone horrible diseases That's killing everyone old Everyone with a weak immune system is just fucking dead.

[173] There's nowhere to put the body, so they stacked them in the streets.

[174] Then the rats get infested with it, and then the rats start spreading it all over town, and then you have the black plague.

[175] Oh, you saw a mouse.

[176] A poor little baby, you're going to be okay sharing the world with a mouse.

[177] And also, don't forget the fact that, like, if you were pregnant, there's a pretty good chance you're going to die.

[178] Yeah, most likely.

[179] You're going to die when that thing comes out of your pussy.

[180] Like, it's just going to split you in half, and there's no antibiotics, and the baby's probably going to die, too.

[181] Well, during Rome, the infant mortality rate was 50%.

[182] 50%.

[183] Half the babies died.

[184] And, you know, that's one of the things when you read about, like, crazy stories of the Bible.

[185] We've talked about this before about how so, everything was so violent and so crazy.

[186] And people say, well, this is really a book of God and a book of religion.

[187] Why would it have such gratuitous violence?

[188] Why would violence be condoned?

[189] Well, you don't even, I don't even think we could wrap our heads around how hard life was back when they wrote the Bible.

[190] Right.

[191] I mean, and even the New Testament, even, you know, with Constantine and the bishops when they reworked the New Testament, that's still, you know, that's still ridiculously hard.

[192] It's a terrible life back then, you know, and you, I think they probably needed religion back then.

[193] I mean, think about how, how easy life is today, and there's so many people that need a safety net.

[194] So many people that are terrified.

[195] So many people that, you know, want sanity.

[196] to this and they seek that sanity and you know really ridiculous mythology but back then it was imperative you had to have it i think patten oswald's got some brilliant joke about this where he talks about how religion was invented to trick dumb people that there's a cake in the sky so that they stop like attacking everyone essentially it's just really smart people recognize that there's really dumb people that have no qualms and killing and doing ridiculous things and so they tell them this fib to make them behave.

[197] I can't remember.

[198] The joke's awesome.

[199] Look it up.

[200] Sorry.

[201] It could be possible, but I've always thought that what, I mean, I always joke around about it being for dumb people, but I think there's a pull towards the idea of something other than us.

[202] And I think we always have had that.

[203] I don't think we're willing to believe that we're the end of the evolutionary food chain or the spiritual food chain.

[204] It seems silly.

[205] It seems much more likely like there's something above us.

[206] We just can't even communicate with it.

[207] We're just the same way, can't tell you stories, we're not able to communicate with something that's the next level of existence.

[208] Well, yeah, especially when we're, especially when we're so confused by our environment and we're sad and distracted.

[209] I mean, the thing that you were talking about initially is something I read this, the Dalai Lama was in Beverly Hills talking to like some rich people and in their house, like doing a home visit.

[210] And he said to them, you know, here we are, you're in Beverly Hills, you have your mansion and all your things, but why are your medicine cabinets filled with antidepressants and Valium and anti -anxiety medication?

[211] Even with all this stuff, you're still experiencing mental turbulence to the point where you're depressed.

[212] This is the, if people are still caught up in that place, it's going to be very difficult for them to transcend it to a point where you could communicate with some higher intelligence.

[213] How are you going to do that when you're caught up in some reduced?

[214] ridiculous perception of the world where you're addicted and attached to material things, where you're stuck always wanting some new thing, which just makes you perpetually insane, you know?

[215] Well, that's for a lot of people that becomes their focus.

[216] You know, I think the human beings, you know, you can look at the shallowness of the materialism and you can say, God, it's so shallow.

[217] God, it's so silly.

[218] Yes, yes and yes.

[219] But what is it really?

[220] What's going on really?

[221] Well, human beings are constantly trying to achieve things.

[222] I mean, that's the point of staying alive.

[223] The point of staying alive is you have to achieve success out there while you're hunting, success while you're fishing.

[224] There's a reason why hunting and fishing is so satisfying.

[225] I haven't been hunting.

[226] I plan on going to go with Steve Ronella, the guy from that meat eater show.

[227] We're working it out, yeah.

[228] Name dropper.

[229] Hey, I named drop the fuck I am.

[230] I don't even know who that is.

[231] Yeah.

[232] Meat eating show.

[233] We're going to hunt bears in Alaska.

[234] Wow.

[235] Yeah, what the fuck?

[236] Anyway, how did I get on to that?

[237] I'm scared.

[238] I just got scared.

[239] What did you get scared of?

[240] Bears in Alaska.

[241] What are we talking about just before that?

[242] Well, we're talking about materialism.

[243] Oh, then I think that it's this.

[244] That's right.

[245] The reason why it's so satisfying.

[246] I did get scared.

[247] I'm thinking about bears in Alaska.

[248] You should.

[249] The reason why it's so satisfying hunting and fishing is because those tasks are, that's a prerequisite for staying alive for the longest time.

[250] For the longest time the way we stayed alive is we had to go out and gather our food.

[251] Yeah.

[252] It feels good to pick food.

[253] Like if you find some blueberry somewhere and you pick them, there's like this weird joy that comes with finding, like, and finding a meal outside.

[254] That is a natural reward system that's put in place to ensure our survival.

[255] Now, when there are no hunting and gathering tasks to get, when it's so easy to just walk to the store and get meat, the choicest meat.

[256] And it takes literally seconds.

[257] Can I have that big perfectly aged hunk of flesh that has no diseases on it, ready to cook right away?

[258] And, you know, can I have this milk that's been homogenized and pasteurized and there's no chance of killing me?

[259] And it can sit on the shelf for weeks?

[260] And can I have this cheese that's also the same?

[261] It's very resistant to mold.

[262] And, oh, look at this.

[263] Fresh vegetables that are genetically modified and you can grow tomatoes in the middle of the fucking winter outside.

[264] You know, all of it is incredible.

[265] But it's so easy and so accessible that there's no reward.

[266] You're not getting that reward.

[267] So people are just, they're being gluttonous.

[268] unlike the Native Americans who the flesh was so important to them the kill was so important and everything was so sacred that they would use every single part of the animal to honor that animal and they wanted to keep this relationship with the buffaloes and with the deer and all the animals that they needed to sustain them for us that system is hijacked it's hijacked by sports cars it's hijacked by getting ahead you know getting a house in the Hamptons it's hijacked by having a boat it's hijacked by all the things that you can reward yourself for women maybe it's jewelry or shoes where when it's shoes a lot of women they've become obsessed with fucking handbags and shit i was reading about this woman who was um some super billionaire's daughter and uh he's you know i guys say he's like she's super ridiculously wealthy she has a a million dollar bathtub that's made out of crystal like she has a bathtub that is a million dollars and they imported it from mexico it's her bathtub a million dollars That's like an awesome house.

[269] A million dollars.

[270] She has this incredible supply of handbags.

[271] It's millions of dollars worth of handbags.

[272] Millions of dollars worth of shoes.

[273] Literally millions of dollars worth of shoes.

[274] You know, there's people that get crazy and start buying high -end handmade watches that are a million dollars.

[275] And they look like a fucking time X. I mean, I'm exaggerating.

[276] But they don't look.

[277] This watch is, it's called a T .W. Steel.

[278] Yes.

[279] It's a nice watch.

[280] It's like, it's, what's like 150 bucks on Amazon .com or something like that?

[281] For me, it's perfect.

[282] It's like cool looking.

[283] I like it's like it's not flashy.

[284] It's not like I'm trying to stick in your face.

[285] But I like the way a good machine looks, you know, something that's designed well.

[286] Yes.

[287] And that's what that looks like.

[288] But some people will get crazy and they'll take it to, I want the finest watch constructed in the most difficult manner like in a bottle.

[289] I want them to make the watch in a bottle with tweezers, you know, and I want it to be all magnetized and all of its titanium and hand carved and get the fuck out of it.

[290] Is it made in the bottles to the no dust gets in it?

[291] Is that the reason for that?

[292] I just made the bottle part up.

[293] It's like making a ship in the bottle.

[294] Why the fuck would you make a ship in the bottle?

[295] It's stupid.

[296] Who cares?

[297] It's harder for you?

[298] Well, making a regular fucking chip is like whatever.

[299] I'm not good.

[300] It's a mystery.

[301] I'd say make something better that's, you know, right in front of you, stupid.

[302] Why are you making things inside bottles?

[303] It's a challenge.

[304] It's like Tetris back in the old days.

[305] It's outrageous.

[306] But dude, one thing, one thing that you're leaving out of the difference between primitive and modern people's living situation, you also have to like take into account their mental state.

[307] People, uh, the, the Native Americans, they believed in like the great spirit.

[308] They didn't know too much about the universe and the way that we know it.

[309] They like had this faith in a kind of ancient religion that, um, that gave them a lot of comfort.

[310] The modern guy was buying all the ham and the meat and the fucking ship watches and, and bottles in the crazy woman buying the purses, it gets even more absurd because their belief in the universe is either, you know, a fundamentalist Christian or a religious belief that's always haunted by science at all sides.

[311] The whole world is telling them, you know what?

[312] A lot of that stuff isn't true.

[313] A lot of that stuff doesn't, uh, didn't really happen.

[314] The people, the way they're describing that, nobody flew up into the air, no guy flew up into the air, came back to life after you got nailed to a cross.

[315] That's never happened.

[316] It doesn't happen.

[317] This So they're fucking main, the tenets of their religion are always getting attacked on all sides by science.

[318] And if you're not religious, then you exist, like if you're an atheist, then it gets even more weird.

[319] You're just some, like, super smart primate that's been stuck on a ball.

[320] You're just some, like, tiny little, tiny thinking little primate bug thing that the force of gravity is keeping stuck to the ground on a planet spinning around.

[321] Like your joke, spinning around a ball of fucking fire.

[322] So it's like if you don't really believe in God, then you're in the super absurd situation, which is it's like, now I have infinite amount of food and whatever I want, but I'm just some absurd little speck of something.

[323] You don't have to believe.

[324] I mean, not all atheists think that, by the way, but it is an absurd place to get to.

[325] I maintain that the reality of living on a planet in orbit, around a star, in a galaxy, in a universe is so preposterous and bizarre and strange that it doesn't matter if you call it.

[326] you know, big thunder god in the sky.

[327] It doesn't matter if you're, you know, you have some mythology attached to it.

[328] The reality is, your perceptions, your own perceptions of it are so abstract.

[329] There's so not there's not something, even you'd have to have to fucking bend to space.

[330] You'd have to have to really go to a planet or at least orbit the moon or something.

[331] Just really wrap your fucking head around the fact that there's some other shit out there.

[332] It just seems like you're telling me it, but it's abstract.

[333] I know the numbers, hundreds of billions of galaxies, 14 billion.

[334] I know the numbers they're abstract.

[335] It sounds to me it doesn't sound real.

[336] I think that's religion sounds equally abstract.

[337] You know, you can believe in and I'm not comparing science to religion and that science has been measured and it makes sense and most of religion is silly, but I think to us, I just say it, I think to us the reality of our situation is so preposterous that it's almost like religion had to be put in place to describe it.

[338] It really makes you wonder like how quickly people became conscious because like all this stuff was shit we had to deal with like really early on.

[339] You know like we where are we?

[340] What's going on?

[341] Where is this from?

[342] And then you know, well the thunder god came to the sky and like we had to like really early on had to come up with some fucking answers for how this came about.

[343] That's one of the cool things about Buddhism is that it doesn't have like a thunder, it doesn't talk about a thunder god or something.

[344] It's more like someone recognizing that is whatever these absurd beings are on this planet, we all kind of share the same similar problems.

[345] We're all sharing the same similar problems.

[346] And then an analysis of those problems created like the system of Buddhism, which is a way to overcome the thing that's trying to make you buy a shitload of purses and cars.

[347] and the thing that's making you miserable while you're laying in your fucking nice bed in your apartment.

[348] It's acknowledging that if you're fucking hunting, hunting bears as a Native American, or if you're lying in your fucking bed as a modern pepperoni stuffed rich man, you both have the same problem, which is you're going to die, you're going to get old, you're going to get disease, you're going to get old age, disease, and death.

[349] This is an inevitability that we all share and that all humans have shared.

[350] since the beginning of time.

[351] You can't escape it.

[352] So the cool thing about Buddhism is it's not like, if you pray to the mighty loon loon, you'll get a blessing.

[353] It's like, all right, let's sober up.

[354] Can we calm down?

[355] Can we overcome all the fucking distractions that are surrounding us?

[356] Can we focus our will to a point where we're no longer being buffeted by circumstances like all of our ancestors have?

[357] And that's enlightenment, man, when you like wake up and you overcome the fucking sort of.

[358] You know, I mean, is it real enlightenment?

[359] No, it's, it's, it's, it's, you're, you're, you're sort of managing your situation.

[360] You're sort of, you know, dealing realistically with, but what does that even mean?

[361] I mean, what inevitable?

[362] What is the inevitable?

[363] What is the death?

[364] You know, you just, all you know is that this ends.

[365] You don't even know what, what takes place next, if anything.

[366] Nothing.

[367] You know nothing.

[368] And for a lot of people, just that, I think, was too much.

[369] And people also have that natural primate need to be right, the need to find.

[370] follow the alpha, need to have someone who seems to be the leader of the gang.

[371] And it's almost impossible to do that unless you've got a religion rock.

[372] And it's really hard.

[373] It's really hard unless you have not just a guy, but a guy who appeals to the gods.

[374] And, you know, and intermediary.

[375] Someone who's like God's manager.

[376] Yeah.

[377] It's way easy to run shit because you're like way closer to God.

[378] It's a funny, I mean, it's the greatest trick ever.

[379] If you trick a bunch of people to think that you're the one who can communicate with God like yeah I represent everybody does I represent God as every cult not pulled that move I I mean that's like everyone people want to believe shit man see there's a lot of people that want to believe shit you can start a cult for real yeah easily oh no I'd never start a cult of course you wouldn't ever start a cult but you could start a cult if you wanted to if you were a crazy person you'd be really good at it you think so oh yeah that's a nicest thing you ever said to me you look like Manson kind of you could totally do it you're a charismatic guy you're very intelligent you can spin a yarn you all the prerequisites for someone being a cult leader right yeah you know i think that it would be much more fun to um to just be part of like what's actually happening on the planet yeah to be part of the yeah that's a massive distraction to be a cult life itself is way more confusing think of the work running a cult man it's like that's a lot of fucking organization and you got a it would be terrible a lot of sex i bet though you would have Yeah, but it's gross sick.

[380] Yeah, but it's all trick sex.

[381] Let me tell you something.

[382] The only sex you want in life, period, unless you just got to get a hooker and you just got to get your dick sucked, period.

[383] You know, you're just a guy who just never gets laid and you got to do what you got to do.

[384] Other than that, what you really want, ideally is sex with people who want to have sex with you.

[385] Yes.

[386] You don't want that trick sex.

[387] No. You know whether I'm the Messiah trick sex.

[388] Because then people are going to get mad at you, man. Somewhere along the line, someone's going to get mad at you.

[389] Oh, sure.

[390] Yeah.

[391] You should only have sex with people that genuinely want to have.

[392] have you ever had payment sex like where they you did something and they felt like they had to have sex with you just as a payment that was that that was that was the worst who what what did you what did i'll change the story a little bit it's a girl that uh wanted me to do some stuff for her and so i did it for just thinking like i thought she was just cute yeah but then right when it was done she's just like okay and she comes in the next room just takes off her clothes and and i'm and i'm like oh fuck yeah and then And then she left.

[393] And then later she wanted to do some more stuff.

[394] And so I did it.

[395] And she goes, look, I'm on my period right now.

[396] After I was done with it, she goes, I'm on my period right now, but can I get you next time?

[397] And I'm like, okay.

[398] Wow.

[399] Someone needs to tell her about money.

[400] Yeah, can I get you next time?

[401] So, wow, you know, we should have this conversation off the air.

[402] I want to know who the fuck this is.

[403] Yeah.

[404] Can you give me a hint?

[405] No, you wouldn't know.

[406] I would have to explain it more.

[407] You'd be like, eventually you'd be, oh, yeah.

[408] Yeah, yeah.

[409] Is this a long time ago this happened?

[410] Yeah, it's like seven years ago.

[411] Wow, that's funny.

[412] I've never had that happen before.

[413] I've never had that.

[414] But I have lent money in the past to people that dated.

[415] Yeah.

[416] But it's never really alone.

[417] They mostly hate doing that, though.

[418] I've noticed.

[419] People hate that, man. People hate when they're stuck.

[420] They hate when they have no one to turn to, you know, all of a sudden, like, your bills are piling up and your fucking transmission breaks and you literally can't get to work.

[421] That happens to people.

[422] Oh, yeah, it's the worst.

[423] Super normal.

[424] It happens all the time, you know.

[425] It sucks.

[426] People hate to be in a position.

[427] Most people do.

[428] The people who like to be in a position to ask people for money all the time, those are a pay in the ass, you know.

[429] Especially, you know, dudes who just always seem to be in a spot.

[430] Always.

[431] Like, you never can get out of this.

[432] Always in a bind.

[433] Yeah.

[434] What is, what are you spending so much on this house?

[435] Why is this car so much?

[436] You're broken.

[437] You're always needing money.

[438] Dude, you got to manage your situation, you know?

[439] You know, if you want better things in life, you're, you know, you know, if you want better You've got to make more money, man. You can't, like, pretend you have more money now.

[440] It's credit cards, a lot of it's credit cards.

[441] Yeah, but how do you get into credit?

[442] No one's forcing you to get credit cards.

[443] You, you're a broke person being a waiter, and you're making shit no money, but you want a new TV.

[444] You run, you see all your friends have TVs.

[445] Well, that's what we just talked about.

[446] That's pretty silly.

[447] But what sucks is that it shouldn't be fair for credit card companies to charge, like, what they're doing now up to 30, 30 % or something like that.

[448] No, that's criminal.

[449] That's criminal.

[450] I mean, that's, that's, that should be against the law.

[451] It's totally criminal.

[452] And most people pay the minimum, and you'll pay that off for the rest of your life.

[453] And you'll just keep paying them.

[454] And you'll have paid so much more money than you spent.

[455] It's criminal.

[456] But, dude, a lot of people are in a trance, man. A lot of people are in a serious fucking trance.

[457] And like...

[458] Oh.

[459] Oh.

[460] And just like that, we'll change the environment of the room.

[461] Yeah, that's cool.

[462] Change the environment of the show, ladies and gentlemen, went just like that.

[463] We brought you down, Freak Lane.

[464] Freak Lane.

[465] Took you down, Freak Lane.

[466] That was like the, we do a podcast at Desquark Club Bonesa with Brendan Walsh and they do that every episode where they do like, they do things like that.

[467] Like they sit there for like five minutes like making crazy noises for no reason at all out of nowhere.

[468] I bet that would be a funny podcast because Brendan Walsh is a funny motherfucker.

[469] He's a funny guy.

[470] By the way, there's a podcast, a whole network of them called Desquad that we're also involved and Brian runs all of them and they're all on iTunes and all free and they include the ice house chronicles which i think is one of the best podcasts we do and what the ice house chronicles is we're actually going to do one after i do this podcast with duncan and what is is while the show is going on at the ice house we also come over here and we fuck around and talk shit and have a podcast it's a lot of fun and it's a real green room like it's an actual green room of the show like you'll see people saying like oh shit am i on am i on now and then they'll run out of the room and go on stage it's it's really cool you know i like that that paul prevenza show, the green room, I enjoy, I enjoy whenever you can get, you know, Stan Hope and Dave Attell and Janine Garofalo in a room together and let him argue.

[471] Yeah.

[472] And Jamie Kielstein and whoever was in that.

[473] You know, I enjoy that.

[474] But this is a real green room, of a real show, of a bunch of guys who work together on a regular basis.

[475] And you're not going to get any weird awkwardness or people, you know, that are attacking people.

[476] Most of it is just a lot of fun.

[477] But occasionally, Brian, will bring someone in here and you go, what are these people, Brian?

[478] Who is this shit?

[479] We've had only four really major incidences.

[480] But those have been, people love those, they love those moments.

[481] well, we've had a few incidents where Brian brought people in and be like, this person, she can't talk anymore, Brian.

[482] Like, get this person out of here.

[483] You know, I can't tell you.

[484] But this, you know, he knows people and there's some shady businesses.

[485] Shaddy business.

[486] I keep on running into shady shit.

[487] Shady shit.

[488] Yeah.

[489] That's a lot of it.

[490] I think in my, in the future, like I'm going to completely do something.

[491] I thought about this the other day.

[492] I'm going to date somebody that I would have dated when I was 21.

[493] Like when I was 21, I was...

[494] Why don't you date someone that you should be dating when you're 37, you crazy asshole?

[495] No, because that's even scary.

[496] 37 -year -olds in Los Angeles, that's the scariest bottom of the weird...

[497] Sometimes.

[498] For the most part, that the ratio is really bad.

[499] Sometimes it's like you, and sometimes it's like Duncan.

[500] Sometimes it's a guy or a girl for you who's at a certain point in their life has actually learned a lot of shit and is actually...

[501] fun to be around right there's you know we all assume chauvinistically as men especially that when you meet a girl that's in their late 30 she's just going to be a fucking wreck just a screaming wreck of desperation and fear and blame my age want to make babies quick so they're they're about to they do they trick you well i feel like they're they try to play exactly who they think you want you to be i yeah i know someone um who absolutely unquestionably was tricked the girl he was dating was older and they like right away started dating and she said that she was on the pill and she got off the pill immediately she immediately knew that she was only like i think she was like 35 or 36 which is well that's where it gets with women i mean not all women obviously most women aren't deceptive but where it gets with some women is like listen i don't give a fuck what he wants i only get one more shot at this i'm not going to be in some sort of relationship with some guy by the way who has plenty of money so he can take care of this thing even if the kid doesn't work out this is what I want I want a child this guy's got money he's got genetics and they'll just take the loads they'll just take the loads and you have to pretend that that you have to somehow another you know you have to if you're if you're having sex with her and you're not wearing a condom you know you have to realize that that's a possibility that someone could do that and it's totally legal by the way she can do that and you know crazy ah yeah even if she was deceptive I don't think she could lose in court I think she could probably say it's her business you You know, I think you're, whether or not you took the pill.

[502] Has anybody ever sued someone based on whether or not they took the pill?

[503] I don't think so.

[504] They say it's 99 % effective.

[505] I bet it's 100 % effective.

[506] Just one people are such wretched, lying cunts.

[507] It's unprovable in court.

[508] You know, it's very possible.

[509] The pill is just straight up effective.

[510] Would you ever get your shit snipped?

[511] Like, maybe save some sperm in a fridge?

[512] Stanhope did that.

[513] Yeah.

[514] Did he save his sperm also?

[515] No, he did not.

[516] Save your sperm.

[517] Save your sperm.

[518] But that could be reversed, you know.

[519] But Doug's loads at this point are fucking completely useless.

[520] His loads will come out like a wet cardboard.

[521] There's no way they're impregnating anybody.

[522] That getting reversed just has this weird visual that your penis would be just so broken looking.

[523] No, it's not your penis.

[524] It's underneath your balls.

[525] You wouldn't even see that.

[526] But the innards, man, that's what's really crazy.

[527] You're trying to reattach a tube and it might not work.

[528] It might not take.

[529] Yeah.

[530] This is like the worst.

[531] This thing just fell into this.

[532] We had that beautiful home and fell in a home and fell in a hole.

[533] doing it.

[534] There's a new way I saw online where they're doing it now with like a clip.

[535] They're actually bending it and pinching it and cutting it off with a clip.

[536] And the idea behind the clip is that it could be reversible.

[537] But I always think that like you're doing jiu -jitsu and some guy goes neon belly on you hard and pops your fucking clip out.

[538] And next thing you know, well listen man, that's reality.

[539] You get a big guy on you and side control.

[540] Neon belly's a motherfucker dude.

[541] You got to have tight abs.

[542] I do my sit -ups.

[543] That's what I think.

[544] I don't want to get stuck with some big fucking guy knee on belly.

[545] That's what I do.

[546] That's what I think of when I'm doing my sit -ups.

[547] You just gave me an anxiety attack.

[548] Don't get anxiety attack.

[549] Just do sit -ups with 25 -pound plates while you're hanging by your ankles.

[550] This is what you do.

[551] You take a 25 -pound plate.

[552] You put it by your chest and you hang by your ankles and just all the way you're fucking slow, control it, Duncan, even if you can only do one.

[553] How is this going to keep me from having an illegitimate child?

[554] You've got to destroy your stomach muscles.

[555] You're saying if I control my son.

[556] I'm going to teach you about.

[557] ball kegles that's the next thing I'm gonna teach you about how to kegle your balls you know women do kegles to keep their their pussy tight apparently you could do that the colds your sperm down shut the troops down just come on boys it's a really weak muscle if you try to squeeze your dick muscle right now like as you're just go like you try to it's so weak it's so weak I have no dick squeezing endurance at all I don't either that's why when you when you're when you have to come you don't want to come it's so hard you know When you're like, don't fucking move, don't move.

[558] And you're just grab it and hold her in place.

[559] Don't move.

[560] And you're going, sh, shh, just, just, please it.

[561] Just forget it.

[562] That's when loads sneak out.

[563] And that's how people get pregnant.

[564] Do you believe the idea that, like, the Taoists and, like, the tantric sex people believe that you actually lose energy when you come?

[565] Like, if you come too much, you're losing some form of energy.

[566] Now, like, some boxers, they won't ejaculate, like, before a fight.

[567] But they won't have sex before a fight because they want to...

[568] Well, they've actually proven, physiologically proven that if you don't have any release within seven days, your testosterone goes up significantly.

[569] Right.

[570] Significantly, like measurably.

[571] I think, I don't remember the actual number, but it was enough so that it would warrant doing that if you were a fighter.

[572] But for some fighters, the difficult thing is relaxing.

[573] The difficult thing is getting in there and being able to fight up to your potential.

[574] It's not the amount of testosterone that you're producing.

[575] It's how well are you in control of your mind?

[576] Because your mind is what's going to guide you through this fucking thing.

[577] Your mind's going to have to deal with the consequences of knuckles coming flying at your face and jumping knees and dude's trying to take you down.

[578] Dude's trying to throw you literally on your head.

[579] Your mind is dealing with all this.

[580] And your mind has got to be on point and your mind has got to be relaxed enough to not freeze up.

[581] Relaxed enough to respond to the pressure and do the smart things.

[582] and not not get exhausted quickly because of anxiety that's a big problem with guys their mind gets them so like this that their body's like I can't do this anymore because they're so inefficient they're so completely inefficient in their use of their body that everything is a is a strain and everything is a sprint and they become exhausted like almost immediately yeah learning to get in that fucking state I was by the way I was what I was saying is in that case I would say that you should have sex because then you're not going to at least think about the sex because if you're not having sex you're built up with all those testosterone and you're just thinking about pussy and you're so confused you might not even be able to be comfortable in there you know it might not be able to like get loose in there you know whereas if you're if you get it out of your system you get the sex you're still going to be you still feel great I mean you still I mean how much of an effect doesn't have on you does it have an effect on you where you go to the gym in your week no I've had sex and gone to the gym and I feel great it's not that much of a problem I think for a lot of guys you'd be better off just having the sex to calm down get it out of your system.

[583] Yeah, look, I don't, like, don't ask me, man. Like, I, I, I, maybe can go like four days without jerking off.

[584] I'm not having sex at the most.

[585] So I have no idea.

[586] The whole, here's the perfect mystery to me, Taoism and the whole tantric thing.

[587] I just don't know if it's, it's something I wonder about because it's two systems that both, you know, have like really developed systems around this idea of, like, uh, extending your orgasm.

[588] Like somehow they can like supposedly make their orgasms last much, much, much, much.

[589] Yeah, Sting is into that, right?

[590] But you would think if you would be, like, really that in tune with everything, his fucking songs would be better lately.

[591] Right.

[592] You know, like a long time ago, they were awesome.

[593] You know, the old Sting, what was the last time Sting had a good new song?

[594] Does he have songs anymore?

[595] Yeah.

[596] Last Sting songs I heard that were new, they came out while I was playing pool.

[597] Field of gravy or whatever that song.

[598] Field of gravy.

[599] Well, him and his wife, they have like these 30 -minute sex sessions, but where's your music, bro?

[600] Why?

[601] You know, I mean, is he putting out music that I'm not aware of?

[602] Did you say 30 minute?

[603] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[604] He was like crazy tantric orgasms where they last like 30 minutes.

[605] Yeah, yeah, for real.

[606] Did you imagine the smell on that?

[607] What do you think?

[608] Hey, what do you think would happen if you had a 24 -hour orgasm?

[609] We feel great.

[610] I think, um, that would suck.

[611] I think you, I think, I don't know, man. You'd be wasted.

[612] You'd be exhausted by the time it was over.

[613] But yeah, it probably feel great.

[614] Can you imagine trying to eat while having an, orgasm like you're at subway trying to order that'd be embarrassing it'd be the worst thing you'd be the worst drug you'd always be around people coming like wherever like you'd go to parties and everyone just on the couch having orgasms that's totally possible by the way that's not like a really difficult thing to represent chemically i bet yeah i don't think it is i think they could come up with an orgasm pill that's not around the corner no one ever would have thought a hard dick pill would have been feasible or achievable so quickly and easily sure that was the plague of so many Think how hard it would have been to have an erection when you're looking down at your wife's flea -covered pussy that hasn't had a shower in four months.

[615] Yeah, there's no showers.

[616] Could they even bathe?

[617] If they bathe, you had to get like buckets of water.

[618] You had to bring them by the river.

[619] Down from the river?

[620] One at a time.

[621] You had to go over and over again.

[622] It'd probably take you an hour and a half each fucking trip back and forth, back and forth.

[623] I'll get the rest of it tomorrow.

[624] Then what do you do?

[625] You boil the water?

[626] What's going on there?

[627] Or just take an ice cold.

[628] Your bath.

[629] And then you dry your dirty ass off on some fucking animal skins.

[630] It seemed to feel gross half -brot skin and you're just dirty again.

[631] Yeah.

[632] What did people smell like back then?

[633] Oh, no one knows.

[634] Arm pits probably nicely, right?

[635] I wonder if it balanced out if, like, all the bacteria in your body would just fight each other off until it got to like a balanced warfare state.

[636] You know, the issue with us is that we clean our skin so much that we lose a lot of the healthy bacteria in the outside of skin.

[637] That's one of the, um, one of the, um, one of the, um, um, The problems with people that have an obsessive, compulsive, and they have to clean everything.

[638] People that are, what is that a phobia?

[639] What is it called when you're afraid germs?

[640] OCD.

[641] assholes and most people in the Western world are, it kind of makes sense, man. Because like we've totally sort of, you're just using toilet paper to wipe your, you're using toilet paper.

[642] Yes, that is gross.

[643] But being such a germophobia is preposterous because we are not one thing.

[644] We're terrified of these germs, but we have germs in us.

[645] We are germs.

[646] You know, we're not just one thing.

[647] You should clean your hands.

[648] Yes, for sure.

[649] You should definitely wash your dishes.

[650] You should clean your ass.

[651] You should.

[652] But you also should, be a fucking freak don't don't be crazy about it don't be afraid to touch a table because somebody might have touched it before you just wash your goddamn hands and eat your vegetables well then no they say i like i mean i could given duncan a couple stink watches before where you don't wash your finger and then when you shake hands you just kind of rub it on the inside of their hand right here and makes it smell like poop oh jeez man Brian i heard you guys were talking that's the problem my ass on your podcast you it's your asshole Brian itches his ass no no no no what I do he admits it while he sits there he it's his asshole for sure That's such a weird thing to admit.

[653] See, that's completely false what he's saying right now.

[654] You tell me that you have itched your asshole.

[655] I'm saying, I have.

[656] Are you telling me you have not?

[657] I'm saying I'm saying I know you have itched your asshole by mistake before, or at least at least once in twice in your life, right?

[658] Make sure that if I do have to itch my asshole that I wash my hands afterwards, I am not convinced that you do the same.

[659] See, see, that's the issue.

[660] Right there is just spreading false information.

[661] Because do you think I really itch my ass and just walk around and just walk around?

[662] I'd be like, oh, it smells good.

[663] No. But if you were tired and you didn't feel like getting up to go wash your hands and your asshole You would itch your asshole for sure and then go right back to your keyboard.

[664] No, I would suck on a little and wipe it on my shirt Disgusting man. Dirty -year -old man boy His name is Red Band.

[665] We need a commercial The Adventures of Red Band.

[666] The Adventures of Red Band made up by you because that was all bullshit You know you cry sensitive, but you're the one who wants to interact with a podcast with digging your asshole stories and that's how it got started in the first place you had a podcast where you jumped in the middle of it and started talking about you actually getting shit on your hands because you were talking about that right then that's why I said it I don't believe we were but the point is you cannot bring that's how I got to it you guys were just talking about it is you cannot bring something like that up why be that preposterous and then be sensitive about people talking about you itching your asshole and having shit all over your hands the only reason I said that is because I heard you talk about it on Duncan's podcast that I did this when, in fact, I didn't do this.

[667] So, you did itch your asshole.

[668] I said, I have itched my asshole.

[669] When you bring up the fact, but it's not saying that you've hit your asshole, you cannot be judgmental about guys talking about you, itching your asshole.

[670] Do you not understand that you open up the door?

[671] You fetch your asshole, too?

[672] Yes, I have.

[673] Exactly.

[674] Then what's the big deal?

[675] I told you.

[676] I washed my hands.

[677] And I did, and I never said I didn't.

[678] You are.

[679] I guarantee you.

[680] So I didn't say.

[681] I didn't wash my hands, that means I didn't wash my hands and I just love to smell of poop.

[682] It's your asshole and then go do some typing.

[683] All right.

[684] If you only had like three more words to type, you would definitely go, well, I'll wash my hands in a little bit and just, I'll remember to wash this keyboard off.

[685] I'll make up some shit about you now.

[686] Listen, Brian, you want to talk about itching your asshole and getting shit on it.

[687] You cannot be sensitive about that, man. That's silly.

[688] Look, you who have not itched your asshole, throw the first time.

[689] It becomes a subject.

[690] It becomes a subject and it becomes fun.

[691] You can't stop that.

[692] your own asshole, right?

[693] Yes.

[694] Yes.

[695] You feel free.

[696] How am I any different?

[697] Because I talked about it?

[698] Yes.

[699] Okay.

[700] Because we can, I'm sorry for talking about itching my ass with mistake.

[701] We can say that just based on your normal behavior that I, it's at least a possible.

[702] It's a possible.

[703] It's a possible.

[704] It's a possible.

[705] It's a lot of asshole and then not gone to the bathroom and washed it.

[706] It's very possible.

[707] That's very possible.

[708] So that's what we made fun of, dude.

[709] So fucking relax.

[710] No, you're saying it's if I did though.

[711] No, I'm not.

[712] You did on your podcast, I heard.

[713] Well, we said you it's your ass.

[714] It's your ass.

[715] and then didn't wash it and then touching everything.

[716] Yeah, that's what we said.

[717] That's possible.

[718] That's why it's funny.

[719] Okay.

[720] We don't know, obviously.

[721] We weren't there while you were itching your asshole and touching things.

[722] It's called goofing on you.

[723] You can't goof on yourself in front of us like that and then expect us not to also do the same thing.

[724] If there's anything that we goof on about ourselves during the podcast, feel free to goof on it about us when we're not here.

[725] I mean, if you're doing it yourself, you can't be upset that other people are doing it.

[726] You're talking about digging in your asshole, getting shit all over your hands.

[727] you cannot be upset at other people laughing about that if you want to look I've talked about the podcast about shitting my pants I shit my pants driving home from Fear Factor once shit my fucking pants plop filled them up just just held it in as long as I can and I was like oh oh just really I couldn't I couldn't hold it in anymore I was stuck in traffic it was it was a horrible diarrhea moment feel free to make fun of that because it actually did happen I actually did have to clean my car I actually did have to clean my pants is that the shit didn't get in my car, but my pants were soaking wet with shit, so that kind of leaked through some of the fabric and got all over in my seats, so I had to get in there with Windex, and I used an old toothbrush and shit.

[728] It's disgusting.

[729] That's real.

[730] So you can make fun of that.

[731] And when you start talking about digging in your ass and getting shit all over your hands, guess what, fella, we're going to joke about it.

[732] You can't be all sensitive about that.

[733] Silly bitch.

[734] No, but what I've heard you said, and this is just, I didn't even listen to the podcast.

[735] What I heard you said is, you're saying, you're telling that, Brian, it's his asshole.

[736] Stop now, then stop now.

[737] If you didn't listen to the podcast, stop now.

[738] Don't ever comment on something, especially in an angry way.

[739] I'm not even commenting and angry.

[740] You're asking why I brought it up.

[741] And I'm telling you why I brought it because I heard recently you were saying that I did that.

[742] That's how you asked how I brought up the situation that I randomly threw in something about what you were talking about.

[743] It was very similar of what you guys were talking about.

[744] Brian, you need to settle the fuck down before you have a heart attack.

[745] You're the one going off on me, man. No, I'm not, Brian.

[746] You're being defensive about the fact that we were joking around about you itching your ass and.

[747] not being defensive.

[748] You asked me why I randomly brought up the fact and I was telling you why.

[749] You certainly are being defensive.

[750] I'm not.

[751] I don't give a shit.

[752] And the way you are doing right now is very childlike.

[753] That is very defensive.

[754] Did you see Dead Mouse and Madonna?

[755] Yes, I did.

[756] That's crazy.

[757] What do you think about that?

[758] Well, Dead Mouse is a silly bitch.

[759] He was making fun of Madonna because Madonna, well, Madonna, like, and people on my message board were totally ragging on her for her attempt of being irrelevant.

[760] You know, she gets on stage, like, who here has seen Molly?

[761] Molly is a nickname for M. which is her new album isn't it or MDNA yeah but it's it's wrote written yeah so she's just trying to she's trying to pump up her album yeah yeah yeah I mean that's that's part of her thing is connecting herself to this very very popular rave drug so um dead mouse gets a mad about it and he gets pissed at her and saying you know her dur you know you're connecting drugs to the electronic dance movement and you shouldn't do that no you like you don't need his ideas you don't need drugs to enjoy that move the the uh the music that he's making or any of those artists making, which is true.

[762] You do not need drugs to do that.

[763] I mean, I've listened to stuff and I enjoyed it and I wasn't, I wasn't on drugs.

[764] But take some really good ecstasy.

[765] But if you took MDMA, he doesn't have any experience in it.

[766] So that's why it's ridiculous.

[767] So for him to say that, it's like, man, you're talking shit about an experience that for some people is maybe the most energetic and positive experience they've ever had in their life is being high on ecstasy at a rave, listening to dance music.

[768] Dude, being on excellent MDMA and standing.

[769] in front of a speaker the size of a house that's blasting out fucking awesome house music there's nothing like that it's the coolest thing that's what like most people go to see that music you know on Mali that's the whole point of listening to the music but what he's saying is it's giving his electronic music a bad name you know like you don't have to enjoy listening to that kind of music on Mali but I think that's ridiculous that's like saying reggae music without marijuana that's like you know saying like rap without stealing a car You're certainly not going to...

[770] That is something I remember that that was like back in the day when I used to go to the raves.

[771] That was like one section of people who would go to the rays.

[772] And a very small one were a group of like connoisseurs of the music who didn't think that you should pollute your mind with the drugs and just enjoy, purely enjoy the music.

[773] Well, the problem is we had Dead Mouse on the podcast.

[774] He was drunk as fuck and he wouldn't stop smoking cigarettes.

[775] Oh, come on.

[776] He chained smoke cigarettes and he was drunk as fuck.

[777] And I enjoyed hanging out with them.

[778] Don't get me wrong.

[779] I like to do it, but I think he's, I think his whole thought process is really, it's, it's uninformed.

[780] And I think if he had experiences with psychedelic drugs and music, I mean, not that MDMA is a psychedelic, you can be, what's that pathogen, I think is what they call it.

[781] But it's impactful is what it is.

[782] It has a, MDMA had a very strong influence on my behavior.

[783] It gave me a very, very deep insight into behavior.

[784] patterns and insecurity.

[785] And I said on my message board, it was like, I think he could use some MDMA.

[786] I really think he could, you know, not that he's a bad guy, but I think that there's a lot of a lot of people.

[787] They have a certain amount of unnecessary anger inside of them, a certain amount of unnecessary judgment.

[788] And MDMA will knock that shit right out of you.

[789] It's such a loving feeling.

[790] And that's one of the reasons why they're using it for post -traumatic stress disorder for vets coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan.

[791] And that's a positive thing, man. That's a good thing.

[792] Are people abusing it and dancing?

[793] Of course they are.

[794] But that goes back to what I said in that movie The Union.

[795] People can abuse cheeseburgers.

[796] Should we make cheeseburgers illegal?

[797] I can take a fork and stick in my eye.

[798] Should we make forks illegal?

[799] But do you know how many people a year die from drinking?

[800] What the statistic is?

[801] It's 100 ,000.

[802] Yeah, between 70 and 100 ,000.

[803] And that doesn't even include drunk driving deaths, by the way.

[804] That's people who drunk themselves to death.

[805] Right.

[806] Yeah.

[807] People die from alcohol poisoning.

[808] People die from overdosing on alcohol.

[809] People die from sclerosis of the liver directly related to alcohol.

[810] But MDMA is a small amount.

[811] It's like illegal drugs in this country.

[812] There's only like 12 ,000 people die a year.

[813] Yeah.

[814] The real problem is prescription drugs right now, which are overcoming drunk driving accidents in as far as fatalities.

[815] Oh my God.

[816] Those are the worst.

[817] People die from those left and right, man. I have a friend who died.

[818] I have a friend who died in New York, a pool player.

[819] And he was a great guy.

[820] And he was a straight edge.

[821] He was straight edge.

[822] He made fun of people who smoke cigarettes.

[823] And then all of a sudden he hurt his back.

[824] And when he heard his back, he got on some oxycodones or, you know, one of those, and just, boop, that was it.

[825] See ya.

[826] Bye -bye.

[827] Change his life.

[828] Fell asleep in his mashed potatoes.

[829] Everyone's hanging out together.

[830] The fucking guy just falls asleep sitting there eating dinner, plop.

[831] So sad.

[832] Like a movie.

[833] Put his arm down and falls asleep on a plate of mashed potatoes.

[834] It's so sad, dude.

[835] It's the saddest thing ever, man. It really is.

[836] It is sad.

[837] It's really sad when you consider that these drugs, these synthetic drugs that people are, that are killing so many people are semi -legal.

[838] And alcohol is killing everybody, and it's totally legal.

[839] Right.

[840] Whereas an empathogen like MDMA, that when you take it, you can, if you have some discipline, you can go dancing.

[841] It's fun to go dancing on it.

[842] But if you have some discipline, you can shift your life into the positive forever.

[843] Yes.

[844] If you have some discipline and if you're working with someone or if you know what you're doing.

[845] Well, if you're honest about your experience, if you're a person who's truly looking to improve who you are as a person, I think MDMA can be very impactful.

[846] I didn't like the way it made me feel.

[847] I wouldn't recommend anybody doing it.

[848] I would say, man, you have to, like, weigh your own pros and cons.

[849] Even though it impacted me in a very positive way, I remember feeling absolutely terrible the next day.

[850] I don't think it's good for your body.

[851] I don't want to do it again, just, but I learned a lot from doing it.

[852] And the fact that oxycontents, which are literally synthetic heroin, literally, that is what it is.

[853] There's no doubt it is a synthetic opiate.

[854] It is incredibly, incredibly addictive.

[855] People who have done heroin say it's easier to kick heroin than it is to kick pills.

[856] Jesus.

[857] The oxy cotton pills, somehow or another, the way they're constructed, the way it impacts with the human body, makes them even more addictive.

[858] It's just insanity.

[859] Well, they're fucking fish hooks, dude.

[860] They're fish hooks coming out of the pharmaceutical companies that get stuck in people's brains.

[861] You get a fucking fish hook in your brain attached to a giant corporation that's got you fucking wired in, whether you're getting it legally or not.

[862] It's like telephone wires, all connecting back to the telephone company.

[863] From the brains, all these pill poppers, it's just fucking lines going back to.

[864] And no benefit whatsoever except a little bit of pain relief.

[865] The benefit, the social benefit of MDMA would be gigantic, man. If MDMA became legal, and it was prescribed.

[866] But the problem is also, you know, you got people who would OD on it, people who drink when they take it.

[867] There's a lot of different possibilities people could fuck it up.

[868] Yeah, they could fuck it up, but guess what?

[869] They get to because it's their life and their body.

[870] Yes, and they can do that with alcohol.

[871] And they can do that.

[872] You know, the fact that there's all these laws against.

[873] things like MDMA and mushrooms and things and mushrooms are where it really gets crazy because you can't over -d you know who the fuck has ever overdosed on mushrooms you have to take you have to eat like pounds of it the LD 50 rate for for mushrooms is really high like you you got to be really trying like a garbage bag I think it's like a garbage back which by the way isn't you could weigh less salt and you'd be dead you know you could eat like you don't even have to eat a pound of salt you're fucking gone man you ain't coming back you know you try if you ate a pound of salt you just sat there with a tablespoon and just started eating salt and you get a whole pound bag that's it that's a rap kid see yeah you're dead you're dead yeah you could die from drinking water remember we were in sacramento and that lady died in a contest they oh i remember when that happened man it's so sad that happened to a frat kid too they were uh they were uh hazing a frat kid they made him drink water until he couldn't drink anymore you fucking died too you just die yeah it's so fucked up man it's a terrible way to go we have weird laws that you protect people cigarettes being legal's the most preposterous But also remember, like, the impulse for many people who are taking psychedelics is not to try to wipe out the universe, but it's to try to go deeper into the universe.

[874] And so that means that a lot of people in the jails right now and a lot of people in the dungeons, they had the same instincts as like a lot of the great philosophers.

[875] They just wanted to expand their mind and understand a little bit about the universe.

[876] And they're in prison now.

[877] They're imprisoned.

[878] And so from the prohibition, you're not just getting an inability to go enjoy great fuss.

[879] and night at some underground party or the inability to like have a great camping trip with your pals it's literally i think stifling evolution because god knows what amazing thoughts people could be coming up with if there was a regulated psychedelics that and we got to explore them to understand how to really use them and how to really fucking harness them to make us smarter you know this is something that's the birthright of humanity all indigenous tribes have some form of psychedelic that they take.

[880] This is like the ancient people of the earth knew about this, peyote, ayahuasca, yet somehow in the modern age, they're keeping us from this experience that maybe is the thing that connected the Native Americans to the earth that you were talking about in the beginning.

[881] Maybe it is the thing that made people not so fucking fixated on material possessions, but it's why we have a prohibition happening now.

[882] It's the dark ages.

[883] It's like imagine if there was a book, just some book, and inside of it was amazing.

[884] information that will teach you how to overcome your ego that will connect you with your brothers and sisters around you there's this amazing book and it's surrounded by a fence that the government's erected and they're like sorry can't read that book can't read it it's illegal you read that book you're going to the dungeon if we catch you distributing this book copies of this book we put you in the dungeon doesn't make any sense man why aren't they letting us read that fucking book i don't know anyone who died on mushrooms i don't know anyone where anything bad happened to them on mushrooms nobody I've never heard it.

[885] I'm sure it's out there, but...

[886] I don't, I've never heard it.

[887] I've heard of things bad on mushrooms.

[888] Yeah, but those people are all bitches.

[889] Every person I've ever met that had like a horrible trip on mushrooms, they all had like psychological shit they were dealing with.

[890] I had like five bad problems.

[891] Oh, wait, you mean?

[892] I got sick.

[893] I was shitting myself and then puking.

[894] Oh, well, that's possible.

[895] You can get some fungus too.

[896] You get some food poisoning.

[897] Well, most bad trips I think are overdosing.

[898] I think that's all it is.

[899] There's an overdose limit.

[900] of how much mushrooms you should have based on how much you ate that day, how much, I don't know all the factors.

[901] Well, that's why it needs to be regulated, because then it could be dispensed, like synthetic cymbin.

[902] Well, we're talking about the whole idea behind the fact that these drugs like cocaine are illegal is what keeps them from being impure.

[903] You know, everyone cuts them up, everyone adds all the stuff to them.

[904] You couldn't do that if it was sold by Coca -Cola.

[905] Coca -Cola was selling cocaine.

[906] Sure.

[907] You know, you would have to have the ingredients listed right there on it.

[908] You would know exactly what it was.

[909] They would have to sell your actual cocaine, you know, but when you're buying it from some fucking kid at a rave, he's calling it MDMA.

[910] I hope he's right.

[911] You don't know.

[912] You're taking a chance.

[913] You want a party.

[914] You want to have a good time.

[915] Yeah, but who knows?

[916] Who knows what the fuck it is, man?

[917] It's like what your idea is was talking about with the cocaine the other day.

[918] That's what I just said.

[919] Oh.

[920] Jesus Christ, you're not even listening.

[921] That's what we were actually saying.

[922] That's the subject we were talking about.

[923] Dude, if I had a time machine, Rogan, and I could go back in time, one of my stops on the way back to the crucifixion would be to fucking pick up a cocaine -laden bottle of Coca -Cola haven't you always wondered what that was like to drink a cocaine cocaine to Coke yeah dude it's got to be well when we say cocaine this is also we talked about this in the podcast yesterday the coca leaf the chewing of the coca leaf has a very complete it's a very different reaction than eating and by the way cocoa leaves are still in Coca -Cola a lot of lot of people don't know that but yeah you they still import even though coca leaves are illegal they still import coca leaves to using coca cola i might be talking on my ass i thought they i didn't know i think they changed the formula for that a long time ago i don't know is that when they think it was like the 20s or something like that yeah no no i think it was like a long long time ago not sure about that uh i'm not sure about that but anyway the my point is the the the the coca leaf which which they you know they had that was that was an ingredient right but were they using cocaine as an ingredient or was it just the coca leaves i don't know i mean wasn't sherlock homes addicted to cocaine in those books i think it was a lot of guys right yeah i thought it was morphine he wasn't a bit is it morphine i can't remember was that um white erp white irp used to go to morphine dens probably people yeah they had opium dens yeah and i think Freud was really into coke i think they were like blasting themselves with coke everyone and it was totally legal like no one it wasn't regulated back then as far as I know I think you could at least get prescriptions for it I've seen like cool old bot I mean if it's in fucking Coke if it's in Coca -Cola it's legal yeah there is actually a legal God people must have been obnoxious back then yeah everyone's on Coke it must have been the worst Coca -Cola actually does have a legal importation of the Coca -leaf still yes coca is Coca and Coca -Cola the Coke formula is one of the most closely guarded corporate secrets in America.

[924] The company concedes that using a decokaneized flavor essence in the coca leaves is one of the few coke ingredients the company will publicly acknowledge.

[925] So they are using an actual extract of the coca leaf that has no cocaine in it.

[926] So I was right.

[927] Where's that cocaine going there extracting?

[928] Do do, do, do, do.

[929] It's all goes to Elton John's house.

[930] They're producing all the cocaine in the world.

[931] You imagine if Coca -Cola turned out to be, like, scar -based, the number one cocaine dealer on Earth?

[932] Well, dude, the Coke, if they're de -extracting cocaine from the, where's it going?

[933] Well, we're just going to throw it away.

[934] We don't even need it, even though it's worth billions.

[935] Yeah, forget that.

[936] We don't need that money, okay?

[937] We're here to sell kids, sugary shit that makes their teeth rot out.

[938] Joe, we're not going to walk out of this place.

[939] We're not here to kill anybody.

[940] And the guys is actually Dr. Pepper the whole time.

[941] He's the scar -faced character of the Coca -Cola company.

[942] All you need to know about whether or not they would make money off of things like that is who's making money of cigarettes?

[943] Cigarettes are fucking for sure killing, like almost a half a million people a year.

[944] In this country alone, our ideas about intoxication are so bizarre and baffling that somehow we think that they are protecting us from something that perturbs our state of consciousness and makes us think about things in a completely different way and possibly even hallucinate.

[945] but some weird surge that you get because of an almost immediate addiction that you've acquired to some stupid fucking burning plant that's soaked in chemicals no one even discusses it it never comes up not at all no campaigns ever bring it up no one ever promises people are promising bases on the moon Newt Gingrich got desperate and promised a base on the moon by the time he had a second term he threw a Hail Mary it's like base on the moon no one ever says we need to make cigarette illegal and save our friends who are dying a horrible death addicted to a terrible chemical that's a sick company is profiting off and we need to re -change the way we look to change the way we look at this terrible terrible scourge in America no one not not a single politician would ever make that speech meanwhile they did they'd wind up dead in a fucking hotel room somewhere but meanwhile if any anyone running for president said I think that Silas Ibin makes you connect with the universe and it makes you love the people around you more and it gives you more of experience of a full life and reminds you of how small you are and their relation to everything else and you can't really OD on it so I don't think it should be illegal if somebody said that if a president said that right now like Santorum said that or somebody said that they would never get elected you say that but I don't I don't agree not only what the only way they would never get elected is if they would never get elected anyway because elections aren't real.

[946] But could they change the public's consciousness?

[947] Absolutely.

[948] The press would explode.

[949] If you got an eloquent guy, well, there's evidence, John Hopkins, the recent John Hopkins University studied to show that over a 20 year period of time, all these people that took mushrooms just once had a direct change in their personality, an improvement of their personality.

[950] Shouldn't be illegal.

[951] Of course, it shouldn't be illegal.

[952] But I think that if someone was eloquent and someone made sense in all other areas, if someone was a bright person, and they can prove it with, and prove it in an articulate and eloquent manner where it was compelling.

[953] where what they were telling you was that here's what's going on, okay?

[954] I know you're all associating drugs with being a negative thing.

[955] And the reason for that, it's intelligent to do so.

[956] Most drugs and many, many drugs can be very negative on your life.

[957] However, we've been sold a bill of goods on certain drugs, and certain drugs are actually good for you.

[958] Not only are they good for you, they may be the whole reason we evolved from fucking monkeys in the first place, but we've been lied to.

[959] And the companies that keep us in order right now would like to keep everything the way it is.

[960] The reason being is they're profiting off things being illegal.

[961] There's a lot of profit on drugs being illegal that are illegal currently.

[962] It's not as simple as they would just sell them too, and then they would make the money.

[963] Why wouldn't they make it legal?

[964] There's money to be made that will not be available once psychedelic drugs are legal.

[965] There's a lot of things that are for sale, especially pharmaceutical drugs.

[966] a huge amount that just making marijuana legal would just squash the market for a good percentage of pain relief and, you know, glaucoma medication reduces interocular pressure, people on AIDS, who have AIDS who can't eat, people in chemotherapy that have a hard time eating.

[967] All of that, there's so many drugs that are prescribed for various ailments that literally would be out of business.

[968] And so consider this.

[969] Take it to the human level.

[970] This is where it gets fucked up.

[971] We have access to certain mind states where you can bring back authentic information that can help your life and the life of the people around you.

[972] And there's a possibility that if enough people were having these mind states, there might be an acceleration in technology, an acceleration in science, an acceleration in philosophy.

[973] But because we can't get these mind states, we can't get these mind states, things are slow and weird and dumb right now.

[974] And the reason we can't get it is so that people can make more money.

[975] Okay, well, let me play devil's advocate.

[976] Please.

[977] First off, there's a lot of people that think that a lot of hippies are fucking mooches.

[978] They mooch off the government.

[979] They get welfare.

[980] They get public aid.

[981] They don't want to pull their share.

[982] They don't want to pull their own weight.

[983] A lot of people think that these experiences that you say that will benefit people, they say, well, where is this evidence?

[984] Where's the evidence of anybody finding out anything worthwhile on psychedelics?

[985] That doesn't mean anything.

[986] Crick.

[987] Okay, that's a rumor after he died that was released is that he was a deathbed confession.

[988] Dude, he was good, you know, he was good friends with a brave new world.

[989] Outis Huxley.

[990] He's friends with Huxley.

[991] Yeah, no, that's true.

[992] It's true.

[993] Dude, if you were friends with Huxley.

[994] But him saying, okay, that's true, that he took it, but it doesn't, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, what the statement is, is that he discovered the double helix strand.

[995] He figured it out while he was on LSD.

[996] Yeah.

[997] That's all anecdotal.

[998] That's all deathbed confessions.

[999] He never said that anywhere.

[1000] It's not written anywhere.

[1001] So just in fairness, I don't think you can directly attribute that to him.

[1002] I've looked at the sources for that.

[1003] It's possible that he said that.

[1004] But I don't think you can state that he said that.

[1005] I can, I mean, like in a court of law, I can't prove it.

[1006] But being friends with Aldous Huxley, a man who on his deathbed, had himself injected with like 750 micrograms of LSD being friends with that guy.

[1007] That's like being friends with you and never haven't gotten stumped.

[1008] No, no, no. You're not.

[1009] You're misunderstanding.

[1010] me. Yes, he probably did do LSD.

[1011] The question is, what did he get out of it?

[1012] How do you know he didn't just hallucinate?

[1013] You know, there's no evidence.

[1014] Dude, there's no evidence that it helped them in any way.

[1015] Do you know what I'm saying?

[1016] It's not like they pulled something out of it.

[1017] There's nothing on paper.

[1018] Right.

[1019] There's nothing you can be like, look here.

[1020] There is one guy.

[1021] Carrie Mullis, he was a Nobel Prize winning chemist.

[1022] And he said that LSD had helped him develop a polymers chain reaction that helps amplify amplify specific DNA sequences and he figured that out why it was on acid.

[1023] Well, there's one.

[1024] So there's one.

[1025] Can you read that again?

[1026] Can you read that again?

[1027] Yeah.

[1028] What he did?

[1029] Okay.

[1030] Here's the full thing.

[1031] During a supposium held for Albert Hoffman Hoffman revealed that he was told by Nobel Prize winning chemist Kerry Mullis that LSD had helped him develop the polymer's, I hope I'm saying this right, P -O -L -Y -M -E -R -A -S -E, polymurus?

[1032] Anyway, chain reaction that helps amplify specific DNA sequences.

[1033] What does that mean?

[1034] I don't know.

[1035] I'm too stupid for that.

[1036] But the guy said, Carrie Molls even admitted, what if I had not taken LSD ever, would I still have invented PCR?

[1037] That was the method.

[1038] I don't know.

[1039] I doubt it.

[1040] I seriously doubt it.

[1041] That's what I'm saying, brother.

[1042] I'm saying there's a fucking group of people who've got their fucking claws dug into the force of evolution and they're trying to hold it back.

[1043] Okay, but of all the people that have done LSD, one fucking guy says he figured one thing out.

[1044] I've done LSD over a hundred times.

[1045] I have not learned anything.

[1046] You are not the best example.

[1047] Oh, yeah, you're not a good example, man. Have you learned something?

[1048] What is your thing?

[1049] Okay, okay, about yourself.

[1050] Yes, absolutely.

[1051] Personal insight, personal insight, evolution, growth.

[1052] Remember what I'm doing, though.

[1053] I am playing devil's advocate.

[1054] I am a Republican with shiny shoes on.

[1055] with black socks and you know I'm the guy who is telling you that if you buy drugs you support terrorism yeah no no you tell me one guy one fucking guy says he invented a PCR method which you don't even understand why it was on LSD okay okay so we should have LSD legal because one guy invent something LSD we should have all psychedelics mushrooms as well right but when you start throwing what about the arts what about the arts devil's advocate again I'm just I know no I don't I'm not even seeing you now I'm just seeing Chaney what about a what about the fucking arts man what about him man does that not count for anything what what good LSD art do you know of what's the best LSD art the one guy Jimmy Hendrix well okay Jimmy Hendrix is more heroin wasn't he heroin and cocaine wasn't he wasn't he a heroin guy Purple Hayes that's pot that's not purple haze isn't that pot dude Jimmy Hendricks was so into fucking LSD are you but purple haze is that pot or is that oh well it is now it's not purple haze was acid back then I don't know Well, I'm sure he did ass it.

[1056] Don't get me wrong.

[1057] But do you think that that's why he was so good?

[1058] I mean, wasn't he, like, really good when he was a kid?

[1059] I think it helped.

[1060] I think it helped him.

[1061] Okay.

[1062] But this again, well, no, no, Joe, I know you're playing devil's advocate, but I'm a Republican right now.

[1063] First of all, being devil's advocate is the same thing as being friends with a pedophile.

[1064] I mean, you don't want to be devil's advocate.

[1065] It's the worst force in the universe and always represents everything evil and bad and horrible.

[1066] No, I take this side of an argument that doesn't currently exist at this table because I'm sure some people are screaming it out on Twitter right now.

[1067] That's what devil's advocate is.

[1068] I think, for sure, psychedelics can help people.

[1069] But what I think it is, is I think essentially we have access to supercomputers and there's no instruction manuals laying around.

[1070] And there's no teachers to teach you how to use these things.

[1071] So a lot of people are getting great results and they're all scattered and all over the board and they're mixed in with psychosis and bad trips and a lot of fucking freaky things that have happened to people and they've taken the wrong shit and they got a hold of a fake computer.

[1072] You know, there's a lot of people that are.

[1073] And that is because there's a lot of.

[1074] lack of regulation because there's a lack of understanding because there's a lack of appreciation for the true effects as human beings it is absolutely preposterous that so many people will tell you like this kerry moll's guy or whether francis crick was telling you the truth or whether you're telling me the truth or i'm telling you the truth or any of us that have had really positive experiences there's there's way too many people that are saying that folks can benefit from it for it to stay illegal.

[1075] The people that are stopping it, they don't make any more sense than us.

[1076] It's not like they're the really wise and cautious and noble and loving overlords that want to protect you from your own folly.

[1077] That is not what's going on because they're talking in ignorant statements.

[1078] Medically it's ignorant.

[1079] There's no evidence to back up what they're saying.

[1080] There's no reason that it makes sense.

[1081] And then when you start throwing numbers at their face, like the amount of non -violent drug offenders that are in jail and how preposterous it is that our society exists where a bunch of people are doing what they want to do that doesn't hurt anybody else and someone decides to lock them in a cage for it well that person is who's doing more harm the guy who's smoking pot or the person who locks them in the fucking cage and destroys their life and does it because it's written on paper somewhere that that's okay yeah well that guy is a destructive force the law becomes the destructive force in society not the drug when you say drugs kill people and drugs drugs are responsible for a million people in jail right now That's why I don't do drugs, you won't get locked up.

[1082] No, no, no, no, don't put people in cages because they don't agree with you.

[1083] Because they like something.

[1084] They like it so much they're willing to risk freedom because they found themselves in some sort of a situation when they're in an environment that they have no control over whatsoever.

[1085] They were born into this.

[1086] They didn't ask to be.

[1087] Dropped into this preposterous, illogical, nonsensical, ridiculously lopsided and corrupt society.

[1088] And you just accept them to comply.

[1089] You just expect them to comply.

[1090] with these stupid fucking things that are written down on paper that everybody knows makes no sense well that's that's the problem the laws are the problem the laws are destructive the laws are anti -evolutionary the laws are they're anti -enlightenment that's the problem it's not the drug it's not pot it's not mushrooms it's the laws against pot and mushrooms those are a devastating aspect of our society those are not the fucking drugs you dummies dummies missed it you missed the whole thing.

[1091] You're not protecting anybody, you fucks.

[1092] And anybody that hasn't done drugs, if you haven't done mushrooms, fucking for sure you shouldn't be a cop.

[1093] No way, man. You're going to be in position of power with a gun and making decisions and you've never done any mushrooms at all.

[1094] You've never had any look at yourself through the eyes of alien intelligence.

[1095] You've never had some objective outside the body experience, analyzing all the shitty aspects of your own life.

[1096] How the fuck are you growing?

[1097] How are you developing?

[1098] Are you crawling along and one little stumble after another and one little apology after another and one little breakup and make -up cycle after another after another where you scream insults at each other and then so I'm sorry baby it'll never happen again I've learned my lesson is that what you're learning about yourself from your you know shitty lonely nights eating TV dinners hoping that your chick's going to return your pager or your text message rather so you can pageer that was percesters could go back in time but that's what I'm saying you know getting someone to respond to you getting someone you know because you realize that being a cunt, you know, makes people not like you anymore.

[1099] So that's how you grow, you know, instead of like seeing it in one big burst, all leaders, all cops, all teachers, all of them should have a psychedelic experience or they don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

[1100] As a grown adult, if you haven't had a psychedelic experience, I look at you like you're some sort of an infant.

[1101] You do.

[1102] I look at you like you're infantile.

[1103] Well, it's like a form of illiteracy.

[1104] Yeah, it is, it is like a form of like awareness illiteracy.

[1105] Yeah, that's it.

[1106] That's a great way to put it, man. Awareness, illiteracy.

[1107] And it's sad that for some reason they're keeping us, they're keeping so many people illiterate.

[1108] But it's the practice.

[1109] Well, they are illiterate.

[1110] That's why they're doing it.

[1111] They are suffering under their own control and their own, or most of them are.

[1112] I mean, there's a Texas judge who just got arrested for fucking smoking weed.

[1113] Oh, really?

[1114] Somebody turned them in a hotel room.

[1115] You know what, man. I think, I think, I just fired them.

[1116] It's fucked up.

[1117] I think things are going to change, man. I mean, they're like.

[1118] Oh, they've been saying that since the 30s.

[1119] But they're letting the studies happen again.

[1120] And if they're letting the studies happen again, there's some reason behind that.

[1121] I mean, the studies are happening.

[1122] They're allowing them to happen for the first time.

[1123] And I think 30 or 40 years, they're opening them up against it.

[1124] This government is dangerously suppressive, dangerously suppressive.

[1125] And not so much with civil liberties, like, or rather with medical marijuana and things along those lines.

[1126] But that's because it's democratic.

[1127] When the ball goes in the opposite court, think about how much power has been given to the government under this democratic regime.

[1128] If we got another Bush -Cheney in office and they started cracking down like John Ashcroft did on.

[1129] the medical marijuana places and using black water to come in mercenaries with fucking machine guns on their hips and taking all the pot and money away if that shit starts happening again think about how much power Obama has given the government it's ridiculous it's it's it's really disgusting and preposterous I mean if you look at the Huffington post there's an article by this guy named Jim Garrison um and it's martial law by executive order not to be confused with Jim Garrison that thought that Lee Harvey Oswald didn't kill Kennedy Remember that guy?

[1130] The prosecutor.

[1131] Anyway, this Obama, you know, he passed the National Defense Organization, the NDAA.

[1132] There's a new executive order called the National Defense Resources Preparedness Executive Order.

[1133] And it does to the country as a whole what the 2012 National Defense Authorization Act did to the Constitution in particular completely eviscerates any due process or judicial oversight for any action.

[1134] by the government deemed in the interest of national security.

[1135] So they can just say something.

[1136] National security, essentially we're under martial law.

[1137] Like, they can just say any, it's up to the government now.

[1138] All the, the checks and balances that were put in place by the Constitution to ensure that there would be no corruption.

[1139] There would be no ultimate power corrupting ultimately.

[1140] Well, they've removed all that shit.

[1141] And, you know, right now, everybody's like, look, but you're fine.

[1142] No one's, no one's dying.

[1143] Nothing's happening.

[1144] The people that you say yes to today may not be the people you say yes to 10 years from now.

[1145] or 20 years from now.

[1146] And these laws are crazy.

[1147] These laws are that we might as well be living in fucking North Korea.

[1148] And that's not ridiculous.

[1149] That's not an exaggeration.

[1150] These are unconstitutional laws.

[1151] And they're not going to stop now.

[1152] They're going to go more and more and more control until ultimately the government, which is, by the way, approved the idea of sending drones.

[1153] They're going to, I think it was 1220.

[1154] They're going to have, or 2020 rather, they're going to have 30 ,000 drones in the sky above North America.

[1155] me awesome come on constantly watching everything you do well did you have you seen that youtube video of the swarms of quadrocopters have you seen that no dude look that at a google quadracopters pull it up ryan holy shit man this what is it um it's so there these things called quadrocopters that they're working on that are just like exactly like the toys that you see but much smaller these fucking things man they can like they move in formation it says video of them flying in formation just this swarm of tiny little nano or uh quadrocopters they can like they could like turn sideways to go through windows they're like they can go anywhere man so and they but the scary thing that I'd never considered was that they can fucking fly in formation that's where it gets weird when you imagine like just seeing like a swarm of these things descending around your house or checking you out on the street you're just walked you're just walking down the street and they come in like buzz in do a quick facial scan to get your fucking face match it up with like whatever Facebook's do bang they know where you are counseling they know where you're moving like so that yeah so privacy is a it's an escaping thing it's on its way out but the problem is the government these cunts that are running things are going to have so much more power than the average citizen we're going to be under the rule of an impressive government that has the law on their side because they changed all the fuck on paper they changed all the stupid shit that's written down that allows them to do cunty things they changed it all and they put it all in their defense and essentially what they did is the United States is now under martial law but there's no merchant.

[1156] No emergency.

[1157] It doesn't have to have a national emergency to just be under martial law now.

[1158] We're just under martial law.

[1159] Why?

[1160] Why is that?

[1161] What the fuck is going on?

[1162] Part of it has got to be because they're losing control.

[1163] That's got to be part of it.

[1164] They feel like the internet and you know all this anonymous shit and the hackers and Occupy.

[1165] It's like what is this?

[1166] Spell it out for them.

[1167] Tell them what it has.

[1168] Quadra.

[1169] I think it's Q -U -A -D -R -A -Copter.

[1170] That's what it is.

[1171] Quadrocopter swarm.

[1172] Maybe someone will tweet it.

[1173] Someone tweeted it to me. It freaked me out for a week.

[1174] I showed it to Eddie Bravo at the UFC and his face went white.

[1175] He just was like, what the fuck?

[1176] Swarm of nano -quadros?

[1177] That's it.

[1178] That's it.

[1179] It's nano -quadrators.

[1180] Yeah, there we go.

[1181] Oh shit, look at that.

[1182] Just watch.

[1183] It gets better.

[1184] That's just one of these fucking things.

[1185] Get ready, man. Those things are probably going to eat your baby one day.

[1186] Ooh, that sound.

[1187] When you hear that sound, you know you're about to get busted.

[1188] Whoa.

[1189] They just fly around and maneuver.

[1190] I'm surprised you haven't seen these...

[1191] Multiple vehicles can fly as a formation.

[1192] Oh my god.

[1193] Dude, this is terrifying.

[1194] Gross, it's gonna sound like NASCAR all over the place.

[1195] Yeah, we're living in the future.

[1196] This is really fun nuts.

[1197] That's awesome.

[1198] This is really nuts.

[1199] Yeah.

[1200] This is really nuts, man. We developed a method to transition between formations in 3D.

[1201] Folks, you have to see this because what you're not seeing is these guys are moving in perfect geometrical patterns.

[1202] They move in these formations and they're showing it from overhead and it's amazing.

[1203] Their precision is incredible.

[1204] This is terrifying.

[1205] Terrifying.

[1206] And by the way, this is only like version one.

[1207] You know, this is like the first iPhone.

[1208] Wait until they get smaller, man. Wait till they get smaller.

[1209] This is incredible.

[1210] I wonder how long they can stay in the air for.

[1211] Oh my God.

[1212] Look at it.

[1213] They're moving in a figure 8 a perfect figure eight oh my god this is spectacular this is really scary stuff scary shit man now look at them building look up quadrocopter building a structure yeah they can build shit man they can actually like pick shit up and start like like gluing it build they can actually build structures that's amazing that's what curzwell was talking about man because when those things shrink down enough so that they can like imagine like just a pile of fucking legos and a shitload of those fucking things and they could actually form matter that's where it gets really cool man just christ think about that forming matter that's where it gets weird when you've got a computer directing swarms of those things to construct architecture that humans couldn't even make you know like weird fucking geometries that can only happen when a computer's in control of the building process if it ever gets to that point it might be they just start fucking killing people the well that's a funny thing man people always say that about computers where they're like They're just going to kill us, but I guess it's, I don't think it's going to be the computers.

[1214] It would be the things controlling them.

[1215] Like, people automatically assume when the machine inevitably wakes up, it's going to want to eliminate us.

[1216] It's going to want to kill us, but.

[1217] Well, we're a plague.

[1218] You know, if it looked at the environment it's living in and realized that this massive overpopulating or entity that's spilling all its bullshit into the sea and eating all the fucking animals that live in it.

[1219] And then they'll just calculate how long can this last?

[1220] Well, it can't at this rate.

[1221] So they'll just start eating the cunts.

[1222] No, man. I don't think that's how it's how it works.

[1223] Maybe it would be great.

[1224] Maybe we would eliminate cunts.

[1225] No, I don't even, I don't think any.

[1226] Pull people out of the sky.

[1227] Just cunts just get sucked out of the sky.

[1228] Like, they're watching.

[1229] Yeah.

[1230] They're watching everything.

[1231] That's that it'll be.

[1232] The machines are watching everything.

[1233] And when you litter and when you're a shithead and when you, you beat your wife, you just get sucked out of the sky.

[1234] You get downvoted.

[1235] Yeah, you get a certain number of negatives.

[1236] Downvotes like on Reddit.

[1237] If you get as a person a certain number of downvotes, they carry you into space.

[1238] Yeah.

[1239] Your rep points.

[1240] You get blocked by a certain amount of people.

[1241] We're going to have blocks.

[1242] Is this them building this thing?

[1243] Yeah.

[1244] Oh my God.

[1245] That's crazy.

[1246] It's like Wally shit.

[1247] That fucking thing, man. Well, this, the thing that they're building is this enormous, like, Lego building that's really cool looking.

[1248] Those blocks have glue on them or something.

[1249] And by the way, this is just the beginning of that shit.

[1250] Yep.

[1251] That's going to be, that didn't exist 20 years ago.

[1252] There was no, no hope of that 20 years ago.

[1253] 20 years from now.

[1254] But dude, check this out.

[1255] If you ever seen, if you ever seen the video of that, there's a machine that you can take to the desert, that someone made, it's solar powered because there's so much energy and it focuses the energy of the sun in the desert to turn sand into blocks.

[1256] It can burn sand into blocks.

[1257] So now imagine this, combine those fucking things with solar panels and a thing that can infinitely, can use an infinite amount of sand in the desert to make blocks.

[1258] Those things could fly out in the fucking desert and make infinitely gigantic structures with endless fucking energy, just the combination of those two technologies at the rudimentary level that they're at now if we could fucking figure out to make them solar power.

[1259] Yeah, solar is really interesting.

[1260] It's like it's hit a wall in a lot of ways.

[1261] So what are you doing?

[1262] I googled solar power sand blocks and it came with Minecraft.

[1263] Solar power is not really strong enough for a lot of shit right now.

[1264] For most people, can't like have all their electricity through solar power.

[1265] You use like a lot of people use like I have a friend who uses a combination of solar and wind.

[1266] And he actually develops enough from, he lives in Oregon.

[1267] develops enough from nothing he actually sells it back to to the grid which I don't understand that I don't understand it yeah I don't get it how do you do what sell electricity he sells it back yeah they pay him yeah there's a meter on it that regulates it going in but you could also have it fitted so it regularly time it's going yeah so he adds you know so the the local power planner whatever is supplying them power doesn't have to work as hard that's so fucking weird man crazy that you can turn wind into money well have you ever been there's certain parts of California where we we have filmed some fear factors where they have these, um, these huge, like, they look like a farm of these wind things, these windmills, like a windmill farm.

[1268] And there's a shitload of them just sitting up on a hill.

[1269] And they power the area.

[1270] I don't mean, I don't know how much they power how many structures, how many buildings.

[1271] Yeah.

[1272] But it's enough that a lot of shit is getting powered by the wind.

[1273] Yeah.

[1274] It's really a trip.

[1275] Well, it's really windy out there too.

[1276] So it's, it's a smart thing to do.

[1277] Like, even as you come like out here towards Pasadena and you, head up to 210 and when you go through that whole mountainy passy area where it's like you lose your cell phone signal fucking beautiful out there yeah windy as fuck a lot of people have like real wind problems even out here like remember when uh they had a problem really recently the wind knocked down a lot of power cables and pastina got fucked pasadena got fucked by by wind i got trapped here i couldn't even lead the place fuck why wind from the wind was too bad i like seriously the street out front here was uh trees flying down the street uh things off lying off the roofs, like metal things and onnings and poles.

[1278] So you stayed in the studio?

[1279] I couldn't even get to my car.

[1280] It was too scary, man. It was like, it was death.

[1281] It was deadly outside.

[1282] It was like being in a tornado.

[1283] Wow.

[1284] No. It was, no, seriously, it was really bad.

[1285] Nothing like a tornado.

[1286] Next time you go out in this back door over here, look at the billboard.

[1287] This billboard was just ripping apart and it was like, this super old billboard and was shaking like this, and like things were just flying off of it.

[1288] That's really powerful, but it's nothing like a fucking tournament.

[1289] There's been tornadoes that were hit or hit cities in the middle of the night and literally made the city disappear, especially towns, like small towns, the middle of nowhere.

[1290] You know what?

[1291] They say that the heat of cities actually prevents tornadoes.

[1292] It's just all the structure and the way it's built and the heat coming off of it.

[1293] Apparently doesn't work in cities.

[1294] Do you believe any of that weather control shit they talk about?

[1295] What's the name of like that?

[1296] Kim Chels?

[1297] Yeah, man. You know, like, no, they need Eddie Bravo on here for this conversation.

[1298] You know, they, do you believe in that?

[1299] Like, they've been, they've been trying to, like, actually can...

[1300] I know they do it, like, in China, don't they?

[1301] Like, they've been playing around trying to make it rain, and, like, you can put certain particles into the air that actually makes it rain?

[1302] Well, they're, for sure...

[1303] Silver oxide or some, like, it's some kind of weird...

[1304] Yeah, they're, well, they for sure have done that in Abu Dhabi.

[1305] They did it more than 50 times last year.

[1306] I think they did it once a week last year.

[1307] They made it rain.

[1308] Yeah.

[1309] I don't remember what the exact chemical they used.

[1310] but there's something where they can line the crowds with something silver.

[1311] I don't remember what it is.

[1312] But they line the clouds of this shit and it makes it rain.

[1313] So it's so odd to think about...

[1314] Nickel?

[1315] It's so...

[1316] Nickel, I don't know.

[1317] But it's really fucking odd to think about the fact that they're just starting to learn to control the weather.

[1318] They're just starting to learn to control the weather.

[1319] They're just starting to learn to have endless amounts of energy.

[1320] So if we were to evolve in advance without blowing each other, up we would eventually be we could eventually be a planet that has full control of its weather patterns cloud seeding can actually be done by ground generators a plane or can be done by a rocket weird yeah wow silver iodide dry ice um solid carbon dioxide Wow That Pasadena storm was 80 miles per hour A F1 tornado is 73 miles power So it's pretty close It's faster than an F1 What?

[1321] Yeah It's how fast F1 starts at 73 miles per hour And that Pasadena storm is 80 miles per hour Oh I thought you had them reversed So it's faster than a tornado It was like an F1 tornado Really?

[1322] Yeah That doesn't even make sense Well there's different levels of tornadoes Oh so there's like bitch -ass tornadoes Don't even kill anybody?

[1323] Well, not really, bitch -ass.

[1324] That's a good tornadoes.

[1325] That's a good tornado, Joe.

[1326] Yeah, wow.

[1327] Yeah, it's like the beginning of a hurricane winds.

[1328] They've even used liquid propane to make it rain.

[1329] Expands into a gas has also been used.

[1330] This can produce ice crystals at higher temperatures than silver iodide.

[1331] The use of hygroscopic materials such as salt is becoming more popular after promising research.

[1332] citation needed.

[1333] Seating accounts requires that they contain super -cooled liquid water.

[1334] That is, that liquid water colder than zero degrees Celsius, the introduction of a substance such as silver iodide, which has crystalline structure similar to that of ice, will induce freezing nucleation.

[1335] Dry ice or propane expansion cools the air to such an extent that the ice crystals can nucleate spontaneously from the vapor phase.

[1336] Wow, this is crazy shit.

[1337] Dude, in the future.

[1338] People are terrified.

[1339] Dude, in the fucking future, you might be able to send your personal nanobot swarm out of your house into the clouds above your house and make a little personal thunder shower happen above your house.

[1340] Yeah, you probably will be able to.

[1341] That's how much we're going to.

[1342] But it probably pulls water from farmers, you know, it's probably like, I mean, where does that, what, like when you go to a place like Abu Dhabi, which is in the desert, and all of a sudden they're making it rain.

[1343] Yeah.

[1344] What are they doing?

[1345] Where's that water coming from?

[1346] Is somebody else getting fucked over?

[1347] I don't know.

[1348] But anyway, does that other person deserve that water?

[1349] I mean, who fucking deserves the water?

[1350] The smart man who figures out how to pull it on the sky or some shithead just camps out next to it and they're like, this is my water.

[1351] Hope I get lucky.

[1352] This is where my water is.

[1353] It's only mine.

[1354] I found this spot in the dirt, and I claim it.

[1355] Yeah.

[1356] No, I think the guy who pulls it out of the sky should win.

[1357] For sure.

[1358] Fuck that stupid.

[1359] Well, anyone who can make it rain.

[1360] Yeah.

[1361] So there is some cloud seeding.

[1362] It's real.

[1363] It's science.

[1364] um whether or not that shit is happening in burbank every day like eddie bravo thinks it is right yeah that's when it gets tricky yeah what do you think it is fucking air planes that's all it is contra i mean it's funny because it's always near an airport like i live in burbank i see it all the time because i live by burbank well that's because dude you don't even understand that's the government is spring they're spring the sky who are the pilot i just want to know the pilots are so they're these pilots who are flying over the city and they're like let's dump poison on you i don't think they're doing for the good of the country country.

[1365] They think they're creating clouds for us.

[1366] I don't think they're doing it as much as people.

[1367] Go make clouds, Johnny.

[1368] They need it once every, every three months.

[1369] The insurance companies have to pay money on skin cancer, and it's way cheaper if we have clouds everywhere.

[1370] We got to cover it up.

[1371] I don't know.

[1372] I don't want sunburns to happen.

[1373] I think what I've read and what it's been explained to me by pilots is that under certain conditions, there's a certain amount of moisture in the air, and it gets churned up in the, the turbines of a jet engine, and it comes out looking like clouds, and it stays in the sky for a while.

[1374] It was churned up water.

[1375] Can I tell you what the real fucking conspiracy is?

[1376] Please do.

[1377] I've figured it out.

[1378] Oh, my God.

[1379] It's the conspiracy of all conspiracies.

[1380] What is?

[1381] It's your inability to stop your hand from putting shit into your mouth.

[1382] That's the conspiracy, dude.

[1383] It's the fact that people can't control their fucking hand and are always shoving poison into their mouth and eating shitty things and smoking shitty things and taking bad pills.

[1384] I thought this was going to be profound.

[1385] I feel like that is profound, man. I can remember talking to a guy who believed in Kim Trails.

[1386] Have some fucking, have some discipline.

[1387] Well, that's what I'm saying.

[1388] I was talking to a guy who believed in Kim Trails, and he was smoking a cigarette while he was telling me about the poisons of the government's dumping.

[1389] Oh, yeah.

[1390] Well, Michael Rupert.

[1391] We had Michael Rupert in here.

[1392] He's smoking like crazy.

[1393] Talking about conspiracies.

[1394] It's like you're, you're poisoning yourself, man. You're killing yourself.

[1395] Like, maybe there is some kind of, like, evil external forces trying to destroy you, but really, you're the one.

[1396] unheveling the poison into your fucking, into your pie hole.

[1397] Yeah, for sure is going to kill you.

[1398] You're aiding them by bringing these troops into your body, saying one day I'm going to fight them off, but not now.

[1399] Right now I just need this fucking sig to try to figure out of them.

[1400] I'm going to beat these motherfuckers.

[1401] Time for my fourth cupcake.

[1402] Oh, this is good.

[1403] Gonna drink.

[1404] Let's have 17 beers today.

[1405] Well, again, I think it comes back to what we were talking about earlier, about the Native Americans having a much better sense of their connection with the food that they're eating.

[1406] and that for us that whole hunter -gatherer thing is out the window i go to the vans and i pick up meat and i go to you know get up get myself a nice salad and that's it i didn't have to pick anything i don't have to go get my water in bottles because all the water is poison you know you can't drink it people die occasionally yeah totally dude it's just so funny though that so many people writhing in physical discomfort because they're too fat or they don't exercise or they don't eat right are upset about a conspiracy that the government is involved in that's trying to take away their happiness or their freedom or dumb them down.

[1407] It's like, no, no, no. You don't exercise.

[1408] You eat at McDonald's.

[1409] You smoke cigarettes.

[1410] Your house is fucking filthy.

[1411] That's the shit you should worry about first.

[1412] Fix that conspiracy.

[1413] Solve that problem.

[1414] Like, stop that conspiracy from happening and then worry about the fucking Kim trails.

[1415] Yeah.

[1416] I've been obsessed lately.

[1417] with this finding Bigfoot show I'm watching the show left and right and it leads me to sometimes you know stone tweets in the middle of the night mocking them and everybody and myself and you know how fucking stupid I am for watching this show but it is a psychological study and one of the psychological studies is who are these people that are believing in Bigfoot?

[1418] Who are these people that are leading these guys and this is what we saw and we're standing here and it comes out and they never ask these dudes They never go, okay, what do you think about ghosts?

[1419] Right.

[1420] Do you believe in UFOs?

[1421] Yeah.

[1422] What about psychics?

[1423] Do you, you know, how do you feel about, you know, what do you think?

[1424] Do you think chemtrails are real?

[1425] Right.

[1426] Like, what do you think happened in Area 51?

[1427] What do you think is in Hangar 18?

[1428] Get to the bottom of what the messenger is.

[1429] Because a lot of times, the messenger who's giving you this really crazy, preposterous, outrageous story they lean towards that shit they want that shit to be real they might not even be lying but they might be just seeing shit in the woods just because they're fucking wired for that they want to see it they want to believe they want to and they can't be fucking trusted when they go to these finding Bigfoot they go to these local town halls and shit they go all right who here has seen a Sasquatch and these motherfuckers raise their hands and I'm like you are I'm like you have assholes are missing the whole real show the whole real show it's it can't be done by them because they are the people that they're the whole real show is a bunch of fucking people that want to believe in bigfoot so bad they're out in the woods that's a squash that's definitely a squash they yell out they're yelling out in the fucking woods screaming at the top of their lungs and then they hear something do you hear something knock something's knocking la hila they'll hear like any who knows what it could be a producer throwing a rock you know like that's a squash that's definitely a squash this is squatch country that's a squash what what else do you believe in dude where where do you what do you what do you do you do you do you do you do you do you what are you hoping for do you believe in aliens do you believe what do you believe in ghosts you believe in vampires a vampire is real how much other crazy shit do you believe in I think that it's more logical to believe in aliens than to believe in Bigfoot.

[1430] Not necessarily.

[1431] Bigfoot is a, first of all, Jane Goodall was a firm believer in Bigfoot and actually stated that, you know, the famous primate expert, stated that it must be real.

[1432] That there's too many sightings of the same animal all over the world, and it is very possible that there is enough area that hasn't been discovered or is too densely wooded that it support a large primate like that, if it was intelligent and new to hide from people.

[1433] there's 250 different names for it in North America in the American Indian language That's that's big Because there's not a lot of shit that's not real That they don't have names for And it's based on a real animal We're gonna get a guy in here That's a fucking expert on it Which means nothing What does that mean?

[1434] I'm an expert on some shit That's probably not real anymore Gigantipithecus right This is gonna be great Because I'm a Loch Ness monster You are?

[1435] Of California, yeah Of California Did you get like a license for that?

[1436] No, I have Photoshop I think it comes with photo stuff If you, you know, if you look at the stories that have gone back to, like, you know, long, long fucking time in history, for sure, some people saw bears, they shit their pants, they thought it was a person, and they made up a story.

[1437] For sure, sometimes people remember things.

[1438] In our own lives, we know this.

[1439] You know, my mom is terrible at remembering things that really happened.

[1440] I'll tell my mom something, that didn't happen.

[1441] I know it happened.

[1442] I was there.

[1443] I remember it.

[1444] For sure it happened.

[1445] But she will swear.

[1446] I mean, you show her pictures of it.

[1447] And you go, huh, well, I don't remember that.

[1448] Yeah.

[1449] Now, when we did that game show in my head show, and I told you, we got people that talk about UFOs, got them to make up a UFO story because we pretended to be a news guy that had gotten there too late.

[1450] Would you mind pretending that you saw the UFO?

[1451] Right.

[1452] People just started talking, man. Just so excited they were going to get on television.

[1453] And when I'm watching this stupid Bigfoot show, and I'm looking at these people trouncing through the woods, I'm looking at a bunch of people that are lonely.

[1454] They don't have any real purpose.

[1455] their life.

[1456] There's these people that don't have real good friends.

[1457] This one weird guy with his poor fucking kid and his kid was like, my dad might be crazy sitting here talking about we saw a big foot together.

[1458] What the fuck did we really see?

[1459] My dad's a liar.

[1460] My dad's claiming you saw a big foot and then the kid sort of lying along with it.

[1461] You could watch them.

[1462] You look at the insincerity in their words.

[1463] They had a guy on the other day just gay as fuck.

[1464] Just beyond gay.

[1465] Just crazy flock of Seagull's haircut, Lisp, everything.

[1466] wandering through the woods seeing Bigfoot, you know, like, sure you did, dude.

[1467] You're crazy, you insane asshole.

[1468] I can't believe that show exists, man. It sounds hilarious.

[1469] It's like Ghost Hunters.

[1470] Exactly like Ghost Hunters.

[1471] In that, all those shows feature night vision and nothing.

[1472] That's all you need.

[1473] It's just a house and night vision.

[1474] It seems creepy.

[1475] Yeah, I was having a Twitter exchange with this chick the other day, and we were going off about how combined the two shows and just make it a porno.

[1476] And that's really what it is.

[1477] It's a bunch of lonely people.

[1478] Night vision, unkempt pubs, fatty, sweaty bodies, and night vision loads.

[1479] Loneliness, dude.

[1480] They're all pretending to hear things.

[1481] I saw, I heard something.

[1482] Come in here real quick.

[1483] And then they fuck.

[1484] They get in a corner in the darkness.

[1485] And they just, I think I heard something.

[1486] I think you're fingering me. Yeah, you like that?

[1487] Do you think that'll keep the ghost away?

[1488] Yes, I do.

[1489] I think it'll keep the ghost away if you suck my God.

[1490] Yeah.

[1491] Scare him.

[1492] Scare him with your boldness.

[1493] And then they fuck in the darkness.

[1494] They fucking the dark.

[1495] And then the guy has to get away.

[1496] Then they, you know, after a guy comes, he's like, I just fucking heard something for real.

[1497] Holy shit, I'm not kidding now.

[1498] And he runs out of the room.

[1499] That's how they get out of it.

[1500] Because after you come, you know, the girl wants to cuddle.

[1501] We can't cuddle.

[1502] We're in the fucking, we're in a haunted house.

[1503] I heard something.

[1504] Jesus, it's real.

[1505] And he just runs.

[1506] She's like, you didn't hear shit.

[1507] Give me the night vision.

[1508] She can't see.

[1509] She's stuck in the fucking basement in the corner.

[1510] And this guy, like, come on.

[1511] I'll tell you, warmer.

[1512] You're getting towards the door.

[1513] Warmer.

[1514] give me the night vision I can't fucking see boom she hits the wall started screaming no more pussy for him that's a weird show Joe they pretend to hear things what was that what was that how many of those shows have they said what was that what was that what was that it was you being a crazy asshole alone either in the woods or in a basement either looking for Bigfoot or a ghost dude fuck all that shit think about the fact that the Catholic church still does exorcisms think about that shit dude fucking Catholic priests well right now there's probably a priest in somebody's house getting a demon out of somebody's body think about that fucking bigfoot fine aliens fine there's guys dressed as god clowns waving around symbols in front of little kids faces to try to get imaginary demons to go out of them what's really amazing is there's way more priests out there fucking kids oh there are doing exorcists yeah you're right way more way more that's a fucked up statistic we need to figure out if that's true man Oh, for sure it is true.

[1515] So there's more priests molesting kids and they are getting the demons out of kids.

[1516] Well, we were talking about on the podcast with Joey, we were talking about how people who run martial art schools, often it's very culty.

[1517] And the guy who is at the head is the master and is almost beyond reproach.

[1518] And that a lot of times weird sexual shit happens because of that.

[1519] Because it becomes like a cult.

[1520] Well, that is exactly what happens in the Catholic Church.

[1521] And even like in martial arts schools, like people try to keep things under wraps.

[1522] Like there's always like dark secrets of this guy fucking a student.

[1523] And, you know, fucking one of his students who's married and, you know, the husband finds out about, there's always those kind of scandals.

[1524] Very cult -like.

[1525] And with every real controlling cult, there's an element of sexuality.

[1526] Absolutely.

[1527] And it's usually creepy.

[1528] It's not like a peace love, you know, everyone polyamorous and whether sexual or non, you know, everything is just about non -judgmental affection.

[1529] No, no, no. Most of it's not.

[1530] Most of it's creepy.

[1531] It's victim sex.

[1532] Dude, and then think about this.

[1533] Take it back to the story that it comes from, whether it's real or not.

[1534] The story of the Catholic Church comes from, name one guy dressed like a gnome in that story.

[1535] Name one guy wearing a big golden flowing cape and holding a funny thing and marching around with fucking purple velvet on and fucking walking around on red carpets and giant golden palaces.

[1536] Where?

[1537] Find that in the New Testament.

[1538] Find anything even remotely like the rituals.

[1539] outside the Holy Communion, find anything, it's fucking...

[1540] Especially all the audacious use of gold and money and spending.

[1541] Think about all the different gigantic Roman Coliseum.

[1542] There were the Sistine Chapel or think of any of the things of the construction in Rome, any of the stuff that's at the Vatican, that's like a really elaborate, expensive, gaudy, non -Christian shit.

[1543] Think of what else could have been done with all that energy.

[1544] But they're like, you know what?

[1545] Yeah, Jesus wanted us to have a beautiful giant, gold, palace where I could sit on a fucking thrown and fuck kids that's oh yeah that's what Jesus wants me to fuck kids on red velvet yeah it's just what he wants that's the story and so like so it's very by the way this attitude is really offending a lot of people on Twitter there's a lot of Christians that have sent me text saying I wish you would remind me or at least warn us that before you go on these horrible anti -Christian rants that destroy our culture Oh, no, no, no, no, see, I'm not talking about Christianity.

[1546] I'm talking about the cult of Loon Loon, which is...

[1547] That's not, no, no, no, no. I know what you got, you're pushing your Loon Loon brand.

[1548] That's not my...

[1549] You're going to sell T -shirts?

[1550] You're selling Loon -Loon T -shirts?

[1551] Not a bad idea.

[1552] I am selling posters.

[1553] I am selling the fucking T -shirts, though.

[1554] But no, man, it's no, my Loon -Loon brand.

[1555] It's the fucking Church's brand.

[1556] I would never take it from that.

[1557] But, dude, it's a...

[1558] That's not real...

[1559] That's not what I view as real Christianity, because if you look at a lot of the Christianity that some people follow, it's based on a lot of the writings of somebody named Paul, who never met Jesus.

[1560] He was persecuted Christians, and he was walking on the road to Damascus, saw a vision.

[1561] His name was Saul of Tarsus, and he saw a vision of Jesus.

[1562] Jesus appeared in the sky and said, Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?

[1563] And at that moment, Saul was filled with the glory of the Lord and he was blinded and he wandered and found some Christians found him and his name became Paul and he was the founder of the modern Christian church and he wrote all these letters about what it is to be in the spirit of Christ and to be with Christ but he never met God outside of in that vision so essentially he was like Jimmy Swaggart but a long time ago remember when swagger was it Swaggered or Pat Robertson saw the 90 foot tall Jesus I don't know but he had a vision this Paul Tarsis had had a vision and I don't know I don't know which one But yeah, that's where it came from.

[1564] It wasn't from the original teachings, you know.

[1565] The original teachings don't, I'm sorry if I'm offending people.

[1566] It's really weird, though, that, oh, it was Oral Roberts.

[1567] Oral Roberts.

[1568] He had a 900 -foot -tall Jesus in 1977, which is when he would have been around.

[1569] That was when 900 -foot -tall Jesus was touring as far of the galaxy.

[1570] Touring the fucking galaxy, man. And coming to Oro Roberts in the middle of the desert and showing himself.

[1571] But it's really interesting to think about that when you realize that it's like, so a lot of people call what's after the gospels, the epistles, which a lot of them call that polyan theology.

[1572] It's not Christianity.

[1573] It's based on, because here's the big problem the Christians ran into.

[1574] In many verses in the Bible, Jesus said, before some of you die, I'm going to be back.

[1575] And he didn't come back.

[1576] And some of the disciples started dying.

[1577] And then it's like, wait a minute, he's not coming back.

[1578] What are we going to do?

[1579] And they had to reorganize shit and turn it into something that was like that made more sense, which is to deal with this some some basic problems and what uh christ if he existed in that story said was going to happen you know and now we've got the bank robber syndrome you know that right it's the bank robber thing what when somebody robs a bank they say everybody get on the fucking ground and don't move i'm going to walk out of here and i'm going to come back in two minutes and if any of you have moved i'm going to blow your fucking brains out this is what a bank robber does when he's robbing a bank this is what Jesus did when he said, I'm going to be back really soon.

[1580] And if anyone's misbehaving, you're going to hell forever.

[1581] And that's been going on for a long fucking time, man. And it's probably going to keep going on and on and on.

[1582] And each time it advances down a generation, it gets weirder and weirder and weirder.

[1583] So now we've got a guy dressed like a fucking gnome, feeling totally cool sitting in a golden throne, when there's people all over the planet starving.

[1584] And somehow that guy is a disciple of a person who went around saying, love your neighbor as yourself and love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and soul.

[1585] By the way, clear evidence that he harbored child molesters.

[1586] Clear evidence that he derailed investigations and moved people around when he was whatever the fuck he was, a bishop or whatever the fuck he was when he was doing this.

[1587] He was in Phoenix.

[1588] Yeah.

[1589] Ratzinger, you cunt.

[1590] I mean, imagine if...

[1591] He's fucking creepy bitch.

[1592] Have you ever seen the pictures of him with the male gymnasts, the acrobats?

[1593] Yeah, I honestly still think that that was CG.

[1594] I didn't.

[1595] my brain is it's fake right no it's not real no it's totally real they how did pope how did all that how did catholicism become the leading sort of power worldwide of christianity because there's right there's all the other forms of christianity yeah they seem to be much more scattered like there's not like one heavy duty dude at the head of it like catholicism right you know who's the main guy in episcopalian oh who's the main guy in the what is it did they have bishops like there's no one there's no main like the Catholic Pope that's like there's it there's is a hierarchy in the Episcopal Church but nothing like the you know I'm saying worldwide recognized the Pope is the top dog how did that get to be the strongest most powerful form of Christianity which is by the way also the most nuts the most fucking crazy judgmental the most guilt -ridden and injecting horrible feelings of sorrow into little boys heads because they touch their penis is there Joe is there a is there a statistic on the how what percentage of priests molest kids It's like 89 % I think it was.

[1596] No, I think it would know, but we must know a certain number of them.

[1597] I don't think they do.

[1598] It comes up all the time.

[1599] I don't think they can, I don't think they know.

[1600] But is there a number of priests that have gotten incarcerated from molesting kids?

[1601] What's that number?

[1602] How many is it?

[1603] 97, I think.

[1604] 97.

[1605] Oh, don't listen to him.

[1606] Listen to who you're talking to.

[1607] 20 % of the allegations the priest was deceased.

[1608] Let's see.

[1609] I'm just curious if there's an actual number.

[1610] It can't be.

[1611] What percentage of priests abuse?

[1612] Okay.

[1613] Let's see.

[1614] What do they think here?

[1615] They don't know, man. Well, there's certainly a certain number of priests who've been charged.

[1616] I mean, I know that.

[1617] There's stories come up, so there's got to be some number.

[1618] I'm just wondering how many.

[1619] Whoa.

[1620] What?

[1621] Oh, okay.

[1622] It's only four.

[1623] They're concluding there.

[1624] I thought it's at 40%.

[1625] Holy shit.

[1626] My brain bliped for a second.

[1627] It concluded that about 4 % of the U .S. priests since 1950 have been accused of sexual abuse of children.

[1628] However, here's the caveats.

[1629] There are probably many victims who remain silent and not yet come forward to accuse their abusers.

[1630] There are probably some adults who have come forward to accuse priests who have false recovered memories of abuse that never happened, so they could be both ways.

[1631] There may be some adults who knowingly falsely accuse innocent priests of abuse.

[1632] But dude, imagine this.

[1633] Imagine if 4 % of people who work at Apple stores have been accused and molesting kids.

[1634] Yeah, I used that on stage before.

[1635] Oh, you said that.

[1636] NASCAR drivers.

[1637] I was saying a mass car.

[1638] I'm sure.

[1639] Organization of NASCAR drivers running around in circles with their cars and then fucking kids.

[1640] You know, we would say, we don't need NASCAR.

[1641] This is ridiculous.

[1642] I'm sure that 4 % of Apple employees probably molest kids because they're the computer nerds.

[1643] They don't get laid.

[1644] That's not even funny.

[1645] I mean.

[1646] No, I'm being serious there.

[1647] No. No, 4 % of Apple employees don't fuck kids, dude.

[1648] It's a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny percentage of people in the whole world who are child molesters.

[1649] It's really small.

[1650] The problem is when it happens, it's fucking devastating.

[1651] So if it's one in a community of a million people, that's a lot.

[1652] If it's one in a thousand, it's a lot.

[1653] Have you looked at the app that shows you all in the mirror?

[1654] There's like, there's like 300 in Burbank.

[1655] Yeah, well, how many millions of people live in Burbank, you know?

[1656] Not millions, I don't think.

[1657] How many people do you think live in Burbank?

[1658] Let's say population of Burbank.

[1659] I'm going to go 500 ,000.

[1660] I'm going to wait every to Siri.

[1661] This is something I've been trying to figure out for years.

[1662] I can't wait to hear the answer.

[1663] What is the population of Burbank, California?

[1664] 103 ,3 ,340.

[1665] This might answer your question.

[1666] Yeah, I got you, bitch.

[1667] 103 ,340 in 2010.

[1668] So, out of that, how many, how many petos are in Burbank?

[1669] Isn't that a song?

[1670] It should be.

[1671] Some hipster song.

[1672] Some ironic, ironic hipster song about pettos.

[1673] Yeah, I would probably say it.

[1674] 400 there's a there's a there's a an uncomfortable number of people that have fucked kids that's on that's on any number yeah it's it's all pretty disgusting and terrifying really that's one of the first things that we should eradicate because that's something that fucks kid up for the rest of their life and then if they lash out and start doing on new kids then they become we talked about this that it's like a vampire it's like real vampires like you actually do infect someone and make them what you are it transmits itself and it's been being transmits it's been transmits it for a fucking long time man it's been being transmitted for generations it's such a gross thing it's such a broken thing and it has roots in primate behavior that's what's really fucked up about it sexuality is so strange and in our world it's so it's so unnatural because we're actually covering our bodies up we hide our genitals you know we have this weird sort of a combinator lifestyle of natural animal urges mixed with his higher self and consciousness and language and the awareness of the impact of your words and deeds and physical acts on other people and that you're putting out a negative energy and a negative vibe and we discourage that in our communities and discourage that in our you know in our laws yes but the reality is we have these fucking these urges to fuck and they're not regulated they're not like no one's like recognizing that like hey you know we need to like why is prostitution bad someone explain that to me if someone you know needs money and someone has a mouth you know and they're they go, you know what?

[1675] I can make a lot of money with this mouth.

[1676] And what is worse?

[1677] Working at Wendy's for a week and making $300 or sucking guy's dick for 10 minutes and making $500.

[1678] And a lot of people will go, I would rather suck this guy's dick.

[1679] And this guy, he's some poor guy who's horny, you know?

[1680] And it's like you give him a mouth massage on his dick.

[1681] And he blows a load in your mouth.

[1682] And he's so happy.

[1683] Oh, my God.

[1684] He's so released.

[1685] Like, that was so good.

[1686] And he gives you a $100 tip.

[1687] Now he made six hundred bucks why is that bad i don't i'm not sure why is it okay to do that for free how come if she meets that guy and she likes him she blows him and it's the greatest thing that never happened all right then that's fine but if she meets that guy and you know he's like listen i have 500 bucks and i would like to get my dick sucked and i know you're hard on money and you want to make a deal why is that bad well i yeah it's a it's a what you want i just found a website that tells you how many uh sex offenders are in each city in los angeles and it's pretty shocking at that the highest numbered one.

[1688] All right.

[1689] So Burbank has 1 ,875 sex offenders.

[1690] That's more than 1%.

[1691] Yeah.

[1692] Beverly Hills.

[1693] Wasn't it?

[1694] Yeah.

[1695] Beverly Hills is the highest.

[1696] Really?

[1697] With 4 ,9003, which is weird because Beverly Hills, there's more people that live in Burbank when, and then Beverly Hills, right?

[1698] That's a good question.

[1699] So is it because money?

[1700] Yeah, so money equals, that's kind of weird.

[1701] Pasadena here.

[1702] We got, uh, Beverly Hills pedophiles.

[1703] 1 ,3006.

[1704] Yeah, because, I mean, there's, like, Beverly Hills, the houses are spread apart.

[1705] There's not as many people crammed in.

[1706] Yeah, there's only 34 ,000 people living in Beverly Hills.

[1707] Wow.

[1708] And they have 4 ,903.

[1709] You guys, we have figured out two crazy fucking things in this podcast.

[1710] Number one, Coca -Cola is making the majority of cocaine in the world.

[1711] And number two, Beverly Hills is filled with pedophiles.

[1712] Holy shit.

[1713] Wow.

[1714] That's groundbreaking shit, man. That's crazy.

[1715] We need to spark up and think about this.

[1716] It's just too heavy.

[1717] Oh, we might actually have people coming here for the next show.

[1718] Whatever with those faggots.

[1719] Did you want to eat?

[1720] I'm not supposed to say faggots anymore.

[1721] I apologize.

[1722] Can't say it anymore, man. You ban that word.

[1723] I did.

[1724] But when it's my friends, every now and then I'll slip one out.

[1725] Plus, they're all retarded in here.

[1726] You know what actually got me saying it a couple times just to my friends is God damn Stanhope's new CD?

[1727] Really funny, by the way.

[1728] Yeah.

[1729] Before turning the gun on himself, it's called, it's really good.

[1730] It's one of us.

[1731] I think it's Stanhope's best work.

[1732] but he says faggin in a couple times.

[1733] My God, I missed that word.

[1734] Beautiful word.

[1735] It's just, the problem is it's associated as a gay slur.

[1736] And even though I have a lot of, like, pro -gay stuff in my act, especially now, I have a lot of, still, you can't say it.

[1737] You can't.

[1738] You can't say it right now, man. You just can't.

[1739] I never liked this.

[1740] It's a fucking shitty word.

[1741] I like calling my animals.

[1742] You didn't like it because you got called it a few too many times.

[1743] I know.

[1744] I set you up for that one.

[1745] Yeah, you did.

[1746] That's no. It's just fucking such a shitty.

[1747] It's like always coming out of the mouth of fucking dopey fucking rednecks in the backs of school buses and just dipshits playing fucking Xbox.

[1748] They ruined it the fucks.

[1749] Yeah, they ruined it.

[1750] It could have had some use.

[1751] My 40th birthday cake, Joey Diaz, Ari Shapir, got me a fucking birthday cake that said happy birthday faggot.

[1752] It was beautiful.

[1753] It was beautiful.

[1754] You know what?

[1755] It seems like back then it was okay to actually say.

[1756] That was like only like four years ago.

[1757] It did.

[1758] When I put my special out, it changed while I was doing my special.

[1759] It's weird.

[1760] They had a real problem with me saying the word faggot.

[1761] Well, I remember when we were just in Texas and saying retard, like, that was shocking.

[1762] Retard, you can't really use retard either right now.

[1763] That was weird.

[1764] Yeah, retard became a problem in Austin.

[1765] In the vaults.

[1766] Yeah, Austin.

[1767] When we were in Austin, they said, you got to stop with the retard.

[1768] It became a problem.

[1769] Yeah.

[1770] Political correctness is fucking completely ridiculous.

[1771] What's important is intent.

[1772] I heard tranny is the new word.

[1773] Tranny?

[1774] Tranny.

[1775] Shut up.

[1776] Yeah.

[1777] You can't say tranny?

[1778] Yeah, people were telling me the other day that tranny's the new word that's...

[1779] Come on.

[1780] I don't believe that.

[1781] Yeah.

[1782] Oh, I wouldn't...

[1783] They can never take away our tranny.

[1784] No, you know what?

[1785] I believe it.

[1786] Because I've seen someone say, in someone accusing someone of being a homophobe, they said something about them upsetting the lesbian, gay.

[1787] It was like, L -G -B -T -Q.

[1788] I go, by, I go, Q. I go, wait a minute.

[1789] I go, wait a minute.

[1790] I go lesbian.

[1791] Lesbian, gay, transsexual, transvestite, Q. What's Q?

[1792] Which one's that?

[1793] Queer.

[1794] Queer is a totally obscure one.

[1795] They don't want to define it.

[1796] Like, they might like guys, they might like girls, they might be bi, they might be weird, they're queer.

[1797] Whatever the fuck they are.

[1798] What is that?

[1799] How can you, is that the most ambiguous definition ever of a sexuality is queer?

[1800] Queer.

[1801] It's all stupid.

[1802] But that's when people are going real deep.

[1803] It's because they want people to be able to define themselves.

[1804] And I agree with that, man. Call yourself whatever you want.

[1805] But when you're getting mad of people saying gay slurs, you use the term queer.

[1806] Well, yeah, no, you're right, man. It's all fucking intention, dude.

[1807] It's like what's behind there.

[1808] If there's anger behind it, it's an ugly word.

[1809] Exactly.

[1810] It's why black people can call each other niggers.

[1811] Hey.

[1812] That's what it is.

[1813] You know, you know, When you hear Tupac say it, they're sitting around shooting the shit with Dr. Drey, and they're being funny with each other.

[1814] Yeah, it's not offensive.

[1815] If some old man is yelling at a young kid because he's, you know, walking on his lawn, then it becomes offensive and dehumanizing.

[1816] I met a beautiful black girl the other day.

[1817] Really?

[1818] You thinking about trying it?

[1819] Stop!

[1820] It's on my list, but I...

[1821] Are you ready?

[1822] It was my friend's sister, but she was just so beautiful.

[1823] You want to get in shape for that first?

[1824] No. No. You always start off with what your worst.

[1825] Start off with your worst presentation And if they accept you at that Really?

[1826] You never try to impress a girl?

[1827] Never.

[1828] That's bullshit.

[1829] When you got dumped the first time, dude, you lost like 70 pounds.

[1830] That's when you really realized you how to get back in the game.

[1831] That was because I was out of, it was a seven -year relationship.

[1832] Tell you what happened.

[1833] That was a seven years.

[1834] That was pre -Internet fame, son.

[1835] That's what it was.

[1836] You didn't have the internet fame.

[1837] You weren't the producer of a very famous podcast.

[1838] Brian, how many penthouse pets have you dated?

[1839] Seven.

[1840] That's normal, dude.

[1841] The guy looks like you usually.

[1842] get a lot of penthouse pets no dude seriously how many uh two i've only did it two girls in the industry ever the industry well you know since i've been uh since i've been in hollyland i've been in the industry been part of the industry really uh i do a lot of industry things i have an industry newsletter that i subscribe to day what's happening with that condom thing man is it fucking up the industry well there seems to be a lot of talk that they're going to move uh to what Arizona or something like that or Vegas that or yeah it's going to move to Vegas which is a lot of well not really because I think a lot of girls live in Vegas anyway because a lot of them they make money dancing as well as doing movies you know they can if they like announce like isn't that like the thing they announced they they do feature dancing and people like dudes are fucking fans of some porn stars me may say it's may say it's kind of weird and strange but why is it I mean look if you're a fan of an actress you know And you come to see her at a book signing, you know, you're a fan of the way a chick sucks dicks.

[1843] And she's nice enough to let you watch her suck a lot of dicks.

[1844] Beautiful women.

[1845] And then you pretend that it's you're there and I'll blah, and you blast all over yourself.

[1846] Dude, you know what's so funny.

[1847] Beautiful women is beautiful women.

[1848] Like Pamela Anderson right there, I think she is gorgeous.

[1849] You know, I think that is, I think she is beautiful in that.

[1850] Yeah, that's like art. There's a certain art in what she looks like, you know, in her body.

[1851] It's so, it's so sexually arousing.

[1852] you know, you look at her perfectly manicured toes and her toe ring and, oh, you just want to lick her ass.

[1853] Look at that button that's right there.

[1854] You're obsessed with that button, do you?

[1855] Yeah, it's a great button.

[1856] It's placed perfectly.

[1857] I want to know if it's...

[1858] It's just, look, see, they line up on the other side of her shirt.

[1859] I think it's just the way it is.

[1860] It's just a hot picture.

[1861] The bitch is hot.

[1862] By the way, I didn't create this right here.

[1863] You know what's unfortunate, though, man?

[1864] What's unfortunate is that women like that, man, especially if they're not like heavy duty into working out, older and they lose their body, they become creepy looking.

[1865] Dude, we should try to get her on the podcast.

[1866] Their ass disappears.

[1867] It gets really weird.

[1868] When you see older women, their asses like sink and turn under, you know, and old men, too, like they get that Larry King body.

[1869] Yeah.

[1870] You know, where there's no muscle tone going on.

[1871] And when a woman becomes, when a woman goes from being Pamela Anderson, and she's still attractive, she hasn't hit this yet, but it's coming, you know, unless she figures out some way to do a lot of fucking squats and keep her body like when you become a woman who has enormous artificial boobs and your body's kind of falling apart and you have these big bags sitting in front pushing out your shirt and you know this cleavage that you're but it's been sun drenched for so long it's got this weird sort of leathery texture and you're trying to tone that down with heavy doses of moisturizer so your tits are always greasy and leathery at the same time and your ass is evaporating.

[1872] So you try to stick it out a little.

[1873] So you're wearing high -heel shoes where it's really not appropriate.

[1874] And they're really high.

[1875] And you know, you're, you're awkward.

[1876] You can barely walk.

[1877] And you really, your, your ass is gone.

[1878] You become a monster.

[1879] You become a strange.

[1880] Tomorrow on the news, there's going to be like this wave of suicides from people listening to it.

[1881] Well, it's a weird thing, man. It's a weird look, you know.

[1882] Well, yeah, it's weird.

[1883] It sucks.

[1884] It sucks.

[1885] It sucks getting attached to your physical, to your physical body and using that as your main tool.

[1886] Sure.

[1887] It's a dangerous proposition, man. I think that's really easy to say, though.

[1888] When you're a girl and you look like Pamela Anderson, dude, first of all, when she was young, she was so hot.

[1889] That's all anybody probably could comment on all the time.

[1890] From the time when she was young, all the people that she met, I guarantee you everyone was just, holy shit, you're so pretty.

[1891] Yeah, but that happens.

[1892] But listen, when a girl gets addicted and gets caught up in that, it's almost like there's nothing that.

[1893] can match the kind of power and energy she gets just from her own looks.

[1894] So she's almost, it's just, it was too alluring to just run with that.

[1895] Too many people were encouraging her.

[1896] You know, and essentially she got away with, without doing any porn, except for that one accidental time.

[1897] Yeah, man. That was a good one too, though.

[1898] Yeah, and she did like some playboys and stuff, you know, where you got to see her naked and that was satisfying enough.

[1899] But, I mean, she made a living.

[1900] She was so hot.

[1901] She made a living off being hot.

[1902] Yeah.

[1903] And that's what she did.

[1904] It's just sad.

[1905] sad is when people it's just i mean it's not her fault that she was super fucking hot it's incredible but the sad thing is if she was attached to that perception of herself it's a it's a well we're just assuming we're just assuming now that she's yeah maybe she's super cool i bet she sat her down and you know you had a conversation whether you would really enjoy it i don't know her i bet she's all i'm all i'm saying is positive all i'm saying is that she was so ridiculously hot when she was young that i think almost anybody would have been corrupted by that kind of beauty I mean, not that she even was, but I mean, I don't know how you could not be a professional hot chick if you were that pretty.

[1906] You have to be.

[1907] Look at her, dude.

[1908] Look at her.

[1909] That's from whatever that is.

[1910] That's like her prime.

[1911] She's like one of the hottest chicks that's ever walked to face the earth.

[1912] I think that's actual.

[1913] I think that's actual a recent question.

[1914] Pull back and you see her whole body.

[1915] Do you see her whole body there, Brian?

[1916] You see that?

[1917] Get that whole thing there, man. It's a recent poster.

[1918] Well, then she's still keeping it together.

[1919] there.

[1920] Good for her.

[1921] That chick is hot as fuck.

[1922] Great.

[1923] That's uncomfortably hot, right?

[1924] Well, I think when you're that pretty, I think, you know, we all have to be reasonable.

[1925] That girl got some crazy lottery ticket and she decided to cash it in.

[1926] She ran, you know, she ran the dice and she came up double seven in the looks department.

[1927] Yes.

[1928] I don't fault chicks for doing that.

[1929] I don't either, man. I wasn't saying that at all.

[1930] But some people do, right?

[1931] Some people, like immediately, they'll discount somebody if they are a professional hot check or if they're a girl who's attractive, like immediately, because they know it's so easy to be that person.

[1932] Life is so easy.

[1933] What are the odds that you've been thinking?

[1934] What are the odds that you've been contemplating your existence?

[1935] Why would you?

[1936] Life is so easy.

[1937] Everyone is just tripping over themselves to try to give you things.

[1938] But I've met plenty of them that do.

[1939] And that those girls are, that's insane.

[1940] For sure.

[1941] That's such power to have.

[1942] It's amazing.

[1943] When you run into someone who's beautiful and intelligent with great personality.

[1944] It's so.

[1945] sense of humor yeah it's amazing it's like wow look at you here because to get to that point you had to have some humility that didn't come from looking in the mirror the reaction that you're getting from the people around you it could be that well with some of them it's just simply that they you know they got into yoga or they got into some sort of a meditation discipline and they sort of formed I mean it could have been the way they were raised they just sort of formed a human personality instead of a hot chick personality that's the best it must be hard though man being a hot chick must be like the easiest way to get by in life just skate through a bunch of dudes stumbling over themselves yeah it's a sad life also though i bet there's a lot of sadness to that life um for some sure yeah well there's also when when someone feels like they're getting scammed over like you don't really like them you know if if someone's in a situation where a girl is using her looks to get by in life yeah the guy who is taking advantage of that the guys who get with those girls they know they know that this isn't a real, this isn't a real love.

[1946] This is a real love under certain conditions and that certain conditions are you're here to provide like finances or pay for things or something.

[1947] Those guys are going to resent that.

[1948] So that manipulative relationship is never a real relationship where you really both truly love each other and you can't wait to see that person.

[1949] It's always this weird, creepy deal where you know you're getting fucked and you want to check her cell phone because you don't like the way a fucking trainer looks at you when you say hi to her at the gym.

[1950] You think she might be fucking her trainer.

[1951] What a nightmare.

[1952] Oh, it's craziness, man. Imagine if you were like some old dude, you're like 80 years old and you get yourself a 30 -year -old chippy and she likes to work out, you know, and you're playing golf and you walk in and she's like getting stretched out by this fucking buff 25 -year -old trainer.

[1953] She's got her leg on his shoulder.

[1954] There's a lot of dudes who do creepy shit like that.

[1955] All right, time to stretch you out.

[1956] So we're going to do here.

[1957] I'm going to pick your leg up.

[1958] You're going to put it on my shoulder.

[1959] Hey, fuckhead.

[1960] You don't have to do that stupid.

[1961] You can stretch all those major muscle groups On the ground, you dumb fuck But there's a lot of dudes who are like do creepy shit with girls All right, lean both your arms back And they get a nice firm sexual grip on their forearms So just to let a woman feel the grip strength You know what I'm talking about?

[1962] And they just pull you back, pull you back At some weird, uncomfortable sort of semi -sexual positions Some sort of overinflated doggy style position You know And then you let them go And then you're stretching out their arms And you know you're showing your own discipline plan you stretch out with them and then this poor fucking guys 80 years old what's it going to do nothing he just has to be happy I guess yeah you should be happy he should let everybody fuck her and hope nobody poisons them yeah that's an inevitability that's the problem is yeah they're all gonna they're all gonna poison you man how many 80 year old guys are you think are dating 30 or 20 year olds right now I that's a really good question let's think let's I wonder if we can find that statistic on no way that's something you would who knows man up in the Hamptons and like who you the fuck knows man just like monsters but I really love him I just think he's wonderful you they because when people enter those relationships they don't enter them yeah they don't even care about his looks his body is he is an amazing person his energy is so loving and you know I wouldn't I wouldn't want to leave his side it's so amazing see I hope to grow 80 one day The girl's got diamonds on shit.

[1963] And she's just lying around murdered animal skins and driving around a Bentley.

[1964] Yeah.

[1965] Feels like it's not even connected to the road.

[1966] It feels like you're floating on a carpet through the air.

[1967] She knows he's probably only got two more years of life.

[1968] And then she gets millions of dollars because he was in love with her.

[1969] I wonder how many of those there are out there, man. There's a lot.

[1970] There's a lot.

[1971] And, you know, you could say, well, if you wanted to be cynical and pragmatic, that, you know, he's providing something.

[1972] She's getting something out of this.

[1973] It's a good relationship.

[1974] He wants comfort and sex, and she's willing to sort of give that as long as he provides a ridiculous income to her.

[1975] And that's the reason why they have this unbalanced relationship in the first place.

[1976] He has to be unbalanced financially.

[1977] To overcompensate for the physical unbalance, he has to be ridiculously unbalanced.

[1978] He has to be buying her minks and fucking diamonds.

[1979] And then you get to stick your dick in my mouth.

[1980] I like diamonds.

[1981] That's the deal she has of them.

[1982] So they're saying, oh, he was using her, or she was using him for his money.

[1983] Of course, that's the deal.

[1984] Yes, using him for his money.

[1985] And he's using her for her great hot body.

[1986] You're not supposed to get this when you're 80.

[1987] It's essentially what you're doing is taking on an insane prostitution contract that you almost like, like almost nobody could keep up with.

[1988] That's the only way you can keep a hot chick if you're 80.

[1989] I mean, it's just incredible to think that 80 -year -olds can get that horny, man. Well, if they take Viagra.

[1990] and I think also if it's a lot of them it's a psychological thing you know there's a lot of 80 year old guys that can't believe that they can get a 20 year old hooker they probably can't even believe it and when they're alone with it is if they can get it up still oh my God how good must it feel to bang some really hot 20 year old Russian hooker it's kind of fucked up because she's only 20 let's make her 23 let's make her 23 really hot 23 year old Russian hooker who's really good at it she's really good at it i would just have to like you just it's the fact that underneath this beautiful young thing is a withered crisp that's about to go uh feed the worms it's like it would be tough for me to beat that out of my mind as i stared up at her beauty at her at her hot body i would still be like man you're fucking you're wrinkling and you're you can barely breathe and your knees or you'd be like oh this pussy's so good god damn this feel so good you can come in her mouth you can come in her ass whatever you want she doesn't care what do you want to come when do you want to come he's a healthy old man more power to him by the way he should give up his whole empire he's not going to live very long anyway just keep it all up yeah I think it's I mean I think that situation there certainly is something for it's priceless it's worth a lot of goddamn money yeah a girl a really hot chick to just fuck you whenever you want And you're an 80 -year -old man. You better be paying that, bitch.

[1991] That's a ridiculous thing to ask.

[1992] You think it's tough to ask someone to be a garbage man?

[1993] How about ask you to fuck an old guy whenever he wants?

[1994] Do you think there's any, like, 80 -year -old...

[1995] Do you think there's any 80 -year -old guys living in studio apartments that have 30 -year -old girlfriends?

[1996] No. No, there's none of that.

[1997] Doesn't exist.

[1998] I mean, maybe.

[1999] There might be a few broken chicks out there that got roped into some bad poetry or something like that.

[2000] It's possible.

[2001] Most guys, though, no. into bad poetry.

[2002] Yeah, you know, some guy who pretends to be deep and lost girl and, you know, he's a information he has that, you know, he takes time with her and something that one ever did and he has needs and she takes care of it for him.

[2003] That's possible.

[2004] Most of the time, not likely.

[2005] Most of the time, it's a motherfucker that's living in some shit that nobody should be living in.

[2006] Some crazy fucking castle.

[2007] There's some, I, every now and then as a goof, I'd like to go on websites and look at, like, stupid, expensive houses.

[2008] that are for sale like what is like the most expensive house you can buy there's like 20 million dollar houses and you can go and look at the pictures of them they show them online you see the grounds and everything like holy shit like what is this crazy way that one person gets to live this is nuts i know i looked at this one house it was a compound it was absolutely insane it was 600 plus acres and this incredible fucking house and i mean it was one of the most extravagant things that a person could ever purchase and own in their life.

[2009] They essentially own a kingdom.

[2010] It was really like a 650 -acre kingdom.

[2011] And, you know, who knows, man?

[2012] A little chippy.

[2013] She's like 26.

[2014] She just came here from Czechoslovakia.

[2015] She loves your horses.

[2016] And, you know, we started hanging out, man. And she likes to smoke weed.

[2017] I still smoke a little weed every now and then.

[2018] Next thing you know, she's sucking my dick.

[2019] And I don't know what to do.

[2020] I'm 86 years old.

[2021] I mean, what kind of relationship we're going to have?

[2022] I mean, what do you think?

[2023] Should I pursue this?

[2024] I have a walker.

[2025] A walker?

[2026] A lot of 86 -year -olds have a walker.

[2027] A lot of them.

[2028] If I want to get down the steps, I've got to ride an elevator.

[2029] What would you tell an old man if there was a hot show?

[2030] I would say you might want some people to fucking keep an eye on her.

[2031] You know, but then you got to make sure that you have only gay security guards because that dirty bitch will suck their dicks.

[2032] You mean like a hair?

[2033] She's really hot?

[2034] Well, no. I'm like, if you were a guy and you were like a super rich dude who lived, this giant crazy house and you're 80 years old and this is a 23 year old really hot Eastern block chick that may or might not be an assassin as well as a hooker and you've got to have some gay security guards that are keeping an eye on her.

[2035] You can't have like young stud guys because she'll just suck their dicks, you know that dirty bitch.

[2036] Most guys will not be able to stop themselves.

[2037] You know, he's really fat from Iowa.

[2038] I never met a girl like that before and all of a sudden she's like, listen said relax baby relax and she's rubbing your balls like holy shit I can't believe this gonna happen I get fired for this relax baby and they work something out and you know she's you know I can't fuck this old man all the time you know sometimes I want to go out and have my fun and we have a deal yeah next thing you know they're a plot in his death that's what it is that's how it goes Duncan yeah and that's what he's got to be careful for he only have gay security guards you should have big badass gay dudes that watch over you that's like that's the weirdest end of your life and find the girl yeah you got a big badass gay dudes you're surrounded by a bunch of gay bodyguards and a 30 year old Russian prostitute yeah you got to get those guys that's where it ended for you to take her everywhere they never let any guys come near her because she's mine and you don't let that bitch fucking poison me it's just absurd it's just absurd man yeah it's a lot of guys lives right Yeah, it's absurdity.

[2039] It's so funny the way that you can end up when you're blinking out of the universe.

[2040] Like, you can actually blink out of the universe in a silk robe next to a 30 -year -old Russian stripper.

[2041] I know a man who was a, he was a successful man, but he was very, very weak.

[2042] He was, like, very physically weak, and he was much older than her.

[2043] He was about 30 years older than her.

[2044] You know, he was maybe, yeah, she was, like, in her, probably in her 40 years.

[2045] and he was in his 70s and there was the anger from her at him and the way she would yell at him and treat him this complete total lack of respect because you know basically they had been married for a long time the only reason why they got married in the first place is because he was rich and she was hot and she learned along the way this motherfucker is not going to do nothing and the way to get him off you is to just yell with him and humiliate him in front of other people will you fucking stop just stop she was this Russian lady And Judy, she yelled at him in front of me and my friends.

[2046] And it was this really fucking super uncomfortable moment, man. Just snapped out of him in front of everybody.

[2047] We were like, we had a peek at this guy's life.

[2048] What did he done that was so bad?

[2049] I don't know.

[2050] Nothing at the time.

[2051] He was a really nice guy.

[2052] He was a doctor.

[2053] And he made him a lot of money, man. He was rich.

[2054] He had a crazy house and crazy cars and shit.

[2055] And she was like a really hot Soviet block looking chick.

[2056] I don't remember what part of what part of the Soviet Union or Russia or whatever she was from but it was something like that I don't remember Ukraine she might even no I don't remember That's just so fucking tragic dude It's so tragic and lonely It's tragic when someone's with someone And that person doesn't want to be with you man Or they give away You know love and like these little like Rations you know They give a sex and affection and little rations You know well no it's like that thing The experiment they did with a monkey You know about it's like one of the worst experiments of all time where they took a fucking wire monkey and a little there's those pictures of the monkey clinging to the wire monkey and pretending it's a real monkey well it had fur on it they put carpet on it and they they had this poor monkey that thought it was a mama there was nothing else in there for it but some people are in relationships where they're that little fucking monkey and they're clinging on to nothing there's nothing there and they're just pretending that there's love there's something there for them and they know in their heart there's nothing there and they just keep fucking doing it because they're terrified to let go of that fucking thing and go out into the world.

[2057] It's super hard to find someone that's really cool to hang out with that doesn't just become a shithead eventually.

[2058] Someone just, someone who doesn't fall apart after you get to know them for a while.

[2059] Because that happens with a lot of people, man. A lot of people do really good in the beginning of a relationship because they could pretend to be someone really cool.

[2060] Yeah, right.

[2061] And then as time goes on, you realize like, oh, he's fucking lazy.

[2062] She's a pitch, man. Why are you negative to him?

[2063] You know, you're always negative stop it yeah it's really weird that thing when you stop acting and you end up meeting the real person that's a that's a and that can either be hopefully that moment should be wonderful like when the fucking guard comes down and you really see the person there should be some beautiful thing yeah but sometimes it's not sometimes or sometimes one mask comes off and there's just another one there but it's it's like all of us are wandering around right now in that state though putting on a show, pretending to be this or pretending to be that.

[2064] Or hoping to try to fake it till you make it.

[2065] Yeah.

[2066] You know, there's some of that going on too.

[2067] Yeah.

[2068] You know, you, I've said often on this show that my best advice is someone is pretend to be the guy or be the guy rather that you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid.

[2069] Just be that guy.

[2070] Be that guy.

[2071] Be that guy when you're trying to impress a chick with how cool you are.

[2072] Right.

[2073] Be that guy for real.

[2074] Be that fake person.

[2075] No. Become the high, hold yourself to a higher standard.

[2076] Well, no, man. Hold yourself to a, standard that's admirable.

[2077] A lot of people just act on instinct and they don't ever look at their life from like a point of view like, what would I be impressed with if someone handled this?

[2078] If this is a movie, what would be the most moral and the coolest and nicest thing to do here, the most admirable thing to do?

[2079] And when you become capable of doing that, you become capable of looking at your whole life through the, like almost an objective perspective.

[2080] Have you ever heard of something called transactional analysis or game theory?

[2081] Have you ever heard of I've heard of game theory.

[2082] I didn't know it was transactional analysis.

[2083] The idea is it's like, so yeah, it's an analysis of the transactions that happen between people.

[2084] So what they, the reason is...

[2085] Isn't that something to do with the guy from the brilliant mind?

[2086] I don't know.

[2087] Isn't it?

[2088] His Nobel Prize, I think, was on.

[2089] I'm sorry.

[2090] I don't know.

[2091] I'm reading a book called The Games People Play, and it's like an analysis of, like, the basic games that we play, for example, like, shaking hands as a game, where the rules of the game are you're kind of like transmitting a what I think what they call a token so like if I come up to you and I extend my hand for you to shake my hand and you don't shake my hand then that creates a weird moment because you haven't made it a complete transaction you know what I'm saying yes yes so it's like it's an analysis of everything at that level and it just sort of comes back that we're all engaged in these weird games everyone you know whether you're acting like you're the greatest person on a date or whether you're acting like you're some kind of weak person who is always broke and is always in bad relationships or whether you're acting like you're a priest or whether you're acting like you're whatever the fucking thing is you're just playing a game you're just playing the game of being this person you know that's so we're all in the kind of endless absurd situation of having to pretend to be something you know whatever it is like fucking waiters like when it's or like anyone you're buying anything from They're having to act in this weird way called professional.

[2092] Right.

[2093] But they're just acting.

[2094] Like, who's this character?

[2095] It's a character.

[2096] You're playing a weird character of someone who's like, thank you.

[2097] Yes, may I get you another drink?

[2098] Well, it's like a TV host or a Trip Club DJ.

[2099] Yeah.

[2100] Or just almost anyone.

[2101] It's just the things that people think are themselves.

[2102] This is who I am.

[2103] I love the Rolling Stones.

[2104] And I really enjoy fishing.

[2105] It's like, is that really you?

[2106] That's who you are?

[2107] That's your identity.

[2108] Because if you, like, get far enough back, you'll realize that that's not you.

[2109] That's just a game that you're playing.

[2110] And you can keep going back and back and back until you merge into everything.

[2111] But we, nobody wants to do that.

[2112] Everybody wants to stay as the fucking thing.

[2113] No one wants to, everyone wants to.

[2114] Well, there's certainly comfort in predetermined patterns, you know.

[2115] People love to say, listen, man, I'm a Republican and this is why I vote.

[2116] I'm a Christian, so I'm voting for George W. He's my guy.

[2117] You know, people love to be part of teams.

[2118] Well, yeah.

[2119] It's fun to play.

[2120] But it's very difficult to back up the way you're saying.

[2121] I mean, it's like to do it without help, to do it without either psychedelic help or to do it without, you know, some sort of intense meditation and yoga and training and that's like a, it's a really difficult task.

[2122] It's a difficult task, but it's like if you begin to engage and focus.

[2123] Do you think people are going to get better at that?

[2124] Hell yes, for sure, definitely.

[2125] People are going to get better because the information's getting out there.

[2126] There's so many information systems out there that back in the thousands of years ago, you, you could.

[2127] couldn't have books.

[2128] There weren't even books, man. It was very difficult to get a book.

[2129] Books were incredibly valuable.

[2130] Now this shit is scattered throughout the entire fucking planet.

[2131] You have instantaneous access to this stuff.

[2132] It's fucking, yeah, I think people are going to learn.

[2133] Powerful Brennan Wals just walked in, which ends this podcast.

[2134] We're going to start a new one right after this.

[2135] We're going to start the Death Squad Ice House Chronicles because the comics are starting to pile in for the show.

[2136] It is already 930.

[2137] Yeah, it was John.

[2138] Nash the guy from that movie a brilliant mind he did win a some sort of a Nobel prize on game theory so I don't know some along those lines he went crazy he was the guy that went nutty I didn't know he went crazy yeah that's the movie about what it was the who's the guy who's the guy who's the guy who's the guy who played a beautiful mind gladiator Russell Crow yeah yeah brilliant performance and he played that guy and he went nutty like imagined a bunch shit and well the shit's awesome man you should check it out you love it's brought himself back.

[2139] It's a really, he's a fascinating story.

[2140] He actually brought himself back to reality.

[2141] He started ignoring the voice.

[2142] He still hears voices in his head, his head, but he just ignores him now.

[2143] He can, he can differentiate between what's real and what's not.

[2144] And so he stays sane even in the midst of twirling insanity.

[2145] He managed to figure out how to, like, how to maintain it.

[2146] That's cool.

[2147] Yeah, that's what everything's based on.

[2148] It's figuring out to maintain that shit.

[2149] He's a really fascinating case, really interesting guy, a brilliant, brilliant guy who went mad and brought himself back.

[2150] Really nuts.

[2151] That's it.

[2152] This is our 200 podcasts, ladies and gentlemen.

[2153] All you freaks, all you people out there at the gym, all you people out there driving cross -country and sitting on trains and doing whatever the fuck you're doing.

[2154] We're so happy that you tune into the show.

[2155] We love doing it.

[2156] We're happy you guys love it.

[2157] And I feel like you guys are some of the coolest, most positive people that I've ever come across on the internet.

[2158] I think it's an amazing moment.

[2159] And we've collected so many really cool and friendly and fun people that follow us.

[2160] If you think about the amount of negative tweets that you get, the amount of negative shit that you get, it's so small in relationship to how many cool people there are out there.

[2161] How many cool stories you get tweeted, funny things, you know, answers to questions.

[2162] I think we're super, super lucky, man. You know, I think we're putting out a cool vibe.

[2163] And I think we're putting out an honest way of looking at the world.

[2164] and people are responding.

[2165] And we're responding back.

[2166] And it's the most fun I've ever had doing comedy.

[2167] It's the most fun I've ever had doing anything, you know, that you would call like in show business.

[2168] This thing is the most fun, for sure.

[2169] For sure.

[2170] And it's the most honest.

[2171] It's the most, I mean, it's just, it is what it is, man. Yeah.

[2172] There's no preparation, you know.

[2173] And it's, it's as open and as honest as we are capable of.

[2174] And I think, I think that helps us.

[2175] I know it helps me. I know these conversations have been huge for, for you know breaking things down for me and just kind of reassembling the way I look at the world you know and having all these different guests on and having all these different people and all these really different intelligent people and really intense opinions and it's super super beneficial man and I'm just so happy that we're able to do this I is the fucking coolest thing I've ever done I really really enjoy it I enjoy it's almost right up there with stand up to me stand up will always be like the sacred top of the the fun food chain but it's pretty close to that It's really cool.

[2176] And the reason why it's cool is how many cool people it impacts and how many cool people who it impacts share their love with us and send that love back at us.

[2177] And we appreciate the fuck out of it.

[2178] We talk about it all the time and we just want you to know that we love all you dirty bitches.

[2179] Harry Krishna.

[2180] Thank you to the fleshlight for keeping it real, staying with us since the beginning where it was ridiculous that anybody would give us money for the stupid fucking show.

[2181] If you started today, this is the first episode.

[2182] episode that you ever downloaded.

[2183] Don't download episode one because it's fucking terrible.

[2184] I can't.

[2185] I'm going to listen to that.

[2186] Don't down two.

[2187] I think in two I run out of the room three or four times to take a shit.

[2188] I think I had diarrhea.

[2189] But it didn't get good for a while.

[2190] So it, you know, we never publicized this thing.

[2191] It sort of just built up on itself naturally.

[2192] And we love it.

[2193] We couldn't be happier.

[2194] I've always wanted to have a radio show and I never could get anybody to fucking even think about giving me one.

[2195] You know, and I didn't really want to get up.

[2196] every morning either so this is perfect perfect perfect no middleman right to the people Atlanta tickets are sold out I believe for the first show at the tabernacle on April 20th but there's still some tickets available for the second show and that is where I'm going to be filling my next special I'm fucking super pumped about this this is for real the best shit I've ever done I've been doing a lot of stand -up lately I'm in the groove like we had a great time this weekend at the comedy magic club that place is so beautiful And then this weekend, we're in Louisville at the improv all weekend, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

[2197] And there's supposed to be some crazy basketball thing going on.

[2198] Like, it might be a huge problem.

[2199] Like, no one's going to want to come to the show.

[2200] It's going to be crazy.

[2201] It's going to be, I've been warned 19 times on Twitter about this event.

[2202] They said I should put a TV on stage while the game is on and allow people to watch it while we talk.

[2203] I'm totally cool with that.

[2204] Really?

[2205] Yeah, I think it would be fun.

[2206] That'd be a fucking blast.

[2207] Let's do that.

[2208] I think it would be fun.

[2209] You know why it would be fun?

[2210] Because I don't know what the fuck is going on.

[2211] and I want to mock this nonsense game.

[2212] We please do that.

[2213] I really want to do that.

[2214] Yeah, we could totally do that.

[2215] We'll totally do that.

[2216] Yeah, because I think that'll help people come to the show, too.

[2217] So if the improv can figure that out, we'll do that.

[2218] Can I show my poster, Joe?

[2219] Yeah, yeah.

[2220] We'll tell people about it, too, because most of this is people listening.

[2221] Oh, yeah.

[2222] So I got this, I've had this poster made, which is I'm only making 666 of them.

[2223] And they're these giant posters, these incredible, awesome posters that Justin McAllister, this amazing artist made of me. me getting possessed by my satanic puppet as you can see this is it once we get 666 of these through all the homes in America they will make a chaos vortex and the singularity will happen so please purchase one of these posters I need one signed done I need to sign me done I'm tempted to give you 666 that is 666 I'll take it I'll take it that's a good lucky number for me that's it to the to the end of listen you guys have been cool as fuck we you've been with us some of you from the very beginning and that's that's ridiculous i can't believe you stuck out this long crazy and uh we we can't believe how many people enjoy the show we love doing it and there's nothing more i can say um i know brian feels the same way yeah don't you yeah it's sweet well what does it like to you i mean this is our 200 episode dude just tell these people how it feels it's a lot of talking about stuff that happens in your life and now you know us more than better my friend shame uh green he had he's having a baby today he knows he's like my best friend you guys at home know me way more than he knows me and he's of all the talking on the podcast yeah like you know more about all of us that and it's freaky as fuck yeah but what's also cool is you know it feels like you're i mean you know me better than my best friend how fucking crazy is that dude i had somebody come up to me on the street and after a few it's talking they asked me about my friend in college email and they knew his name they're like how's email man it's like dude i don't that's something that someone would find out about me months into a friendship you know it's fucking crazy and barely remember yeah totally yeah it's uh the podcast is a strange thing it's the best thing that to ever happen for us for stand -up now you know people go when you go on stage they know what you're going to do they know you're a fucking weirdo they look forward to it they get excited about it thank god you know and uh look that's it uh that's all i could say we uh we appreciate that you guys appreciate it and by no means do we take it for granted it's very very important to us and that's exactly why the podcast is going to remain free it's always going to be free i'm never going to do this thing for money i'll figure out a way to make money we'll move it around but i love the idea of of putting something out there that is absolutely 100 % free and uh you know that's what we've managed to do i know a lot of people think that our ads are too long but whatever bitch it's all free it's not like yeah you can fast forward through it and by the way it's like you know i mean what is that flashlight you're doing something with it um by the way it's not like you have to listen to that part don't be silly so everything else is free don't be a knucklehead yeah don't buy a fleshlight if you don't need one but if you want one they're awesome go to flashlight .com enter in the code name rogan save yourself 15 % off the number one sex toy for men's number one bitches there's a bunch of different and shit if you want to get crazy if you're a connoisseur if you're a connoisseur if you're a food connoisseur what do they call you if you're a sex toy person are you a sexy would you call you a sexy well i'm a sexy you know i i try toys i think stick things in my ass yeah i'm a big on dildo libraries once i got past the feeling of something in my ass they need that show like the guy who goes around and eats food there should be a guy who goes around the contrary fucking sex that's totally possible you could do like a series of that on for like an internet porn site.

[2224] Brian, talk to one of your people in the industry.

[2225] You know people.

[2226] That shit would work.

[2227] That would be a good, you could have a comic do it.

[2228] Have a comic?

[2229] You know, some, what Tripoli type character?

[2230] Tripoli would be perfect.

[2231] Tripoli would be perfect.

[2232] We should do it.

[2233] We should start producing our own shows.

[2234] We should start producing our own shows.

[2235] That's what the next move is.

[2236] We've got to hire a goddamn camera guy and start doing, anytime we have an idea for a sketch, we just, that right there.

[2237] That needs to be done.

[2238] A guy who just, travels around the country and fucks everything goes in or outside one of these and it sticks things in his ass and tells you what it felt like well you know I don't like something in my ass but it makes you come way harder so he's got a fucking vibrator in there it'll be a great show yeah we just wouldn't be able to show it all we'd have to hide shit from people go to a fleshlight go buy yourself some some goodies okay that's the end of that commercial go to on it .com if you want to you don't have to oh n -n -it that is where you can buy all the crazy new tropics and supplements that we talked about and coming soon we're going to have some ridiculous exercise equipment that I'll show you guys it's going to blow your mind it's going to freak you out um that's it's the end of our two end of the podcast we thank you very much we appreciate you very much and we'll be back next week you dirty bitches god is love one for all and all for one