#105 - Bryan Callen (Part 1)

[0] Joe Rogan Experience Brian Callin, my friend Good to be here, good to be here My friend who at one point in time stopped doing stand -up Boy, I remember that The dark days, the dark days of hanging out with actors It's a long time too, it was about seven years, right?

[1] Those motherfuckers, they got you They got you with all their stupid silliness But he's in character, hold on They got you, he started wanting to be like them You wanted to be accepted, you want to be cool I want to make believe for a little, yeah man I just want to be down that's it before we even get started ladies and gentlemen we're at cobs comedy club this weekend it's me tom segoor and sam trippily if you've never seen tom or sam they're both fucking awesome funny dudes some of the funniest guys working today and I have my cobs comedy club mug here my 25th anniversary if you've never been if you're a san francisco person or anywhere in the northwest of cal what is it northwest california whatever northern california it's fucking great club it's a real a club where they really you know tom the guy runs it really honors the art of stand -up.

[2] He really loves it.

[3] There's a few clubs like that.

[4] You know, there's Wendy in Denver and there's a few all throughout the country where the owner, the person who runs it really loves stand -up.

[5] And that's one of them.

[6] So...

[7] It's always great.

[8] Instead of being this corporate sort of, you know...

[9] Fuck, yeah.

[10] Well, you know what?

[11] I've got to tell you, people will complain about the improvs.

[12] I never I think they're great.

[13] They are great.

[14] You know what I love?

[15] Because it's clean.

[16] They take care of everything.

[17] It's run really well.

[18] It's pretty cool.

[19] What are you pointing at, Brian?

[20] What do you point out, Brian?

[21] Oh, is that me?

[22] Oh, I thought it was on.

[23] Yeah, you know, the thing is they guarantee you a good show.

[24] It's guaranteed they're going to be taking care of the room.

[25] They're going to be making sure there's no hecklers.

[26] The waitresses are all be well -trained.

[27] The DJ all be on point.

[28] It's all the same experience.

[29] It's just a little bit of different staffs, different staff in, you know, in Kentucky.

[30] It's like they put emphasis on the fact that they go, if you come here and pay a premium, you're going to laugh your ass off for two hours.

[31] They're going to do a good job.

[32] They know what the fuck they're doing.

[33] And there's a lot of them, you know, but it's one of those good chains.

[34] You know, people go, oh, who puts out mom and pop clubs.

[35] Does it?

[36] Is it really?

[37] Is it ever put out one?

[38] And even if it does, maybe those mom and pop one sucked.

[39] Right.

[40] Well, then can they compete?

[41] That's the question.

[42] Well, the problem is, I do hear that they do this when they tell you you can't work the other club.

[43] Well, I'm a member.

[44] I'm, they, Levity represents me. Right.

[45] And I love them.

[46] They financed my one hour just recently.

[47] They take their name.

[48] So Levity is the people who.

[49] But they own, but Robert Harmon.

[50] Robert Harmon owns a lot of men.

[51] He's a personal friend.

[52] and I'm going to tell you something right now.

[53] I'm not saying it just because I'm on a podcast.

[54] That guy's a great guy.

[55] He loves comedy.

[56] He's very competitive, though, business -wise.

[57] I don't mind that.

[58] I mean, but I think at the end of the day, those guys are, they're, they're, they're, I would have said that they only let you do the improvs.

[59] The fact is I have a different booking agent now, who's fantastic, Justin Edberg over at Super Entertainment.

[60] I get, I get to do any club I want, and he books me out anywhere I want.

[61] So if you're with them, they don't have any pressure to only do the, I didn't know that I had, when I was at Gersh.

[62] Gersh had some secret deal with the Improfts They didn't tell me about Exactly It was really creepy Because other clubs would tell me Like a few of them would say Hey I've been trying to book you forever And I could never book you And I'd be like really You know I never heard any of this I never got any of the deals Like Nashville I never did Nashville when I was with Gersh There's a lot of clubs They just would ignore me Yeah because they have a relationship They develop and they cherish those relationships Because they can get more bang for their buck It's always going to happen But what I did is That's why you separate the powers That's why you get a booking agent who's going to make his own money on you in his own way.

[63] Isn't it sort of, there's a fucking dance, man, between big business, which you can't have a fucking society like this without a big business.

[64] You know, and it extends from comedy clubs and to pretty much anything.

[65] Let me give an example of why that's good and why it's bad.

[66] Let's take, for example, have you noticed that when you travel the country, there aren't a lot of restaurants that are locally owned?

[67] So you don't see a lot of mom -and -pop restaurants with character.

[68] A lot of times you go into a place and you've got hooters.

[69] Applebee's.

[70] bees and all.

[71] Why?

[72] What happened?

[73] I don't want to eat that kind of food personally.

[74] I don't really like that kind of food.

[75] I'd rather have something with character.

[76] It's one of the reasons I live, you know, like what I like about New York or even Venice down.

[77] You're so bohemian.

[78] I'm very bohemian.

[79] But, but it's individual expression and, you know, people come from Venice and they cook their own kind of food.

[80] I like that.

[81] I appreciate that too.

[82] There's something about that that that's fun.

[83] Absolutely.

[84] But, but what's happened, I think, is that we have a very litigious societies, you know, right?

[85] So if you open.

[86] For people who are stupid, that means people like to sue people.

[87] They like to sue you.

[88] Sorry for you young kids.

[89] I'm just really, I'm really bombastic.

[90] That means I use big words.

[91] You'll sling those words around.

[92] That's right.

[93] Yeah.

[94] So what happens is, is it bad?

[95] So if you open a restaurant, somebody gets food poisoning and they sue you, you can, you're, a lot of times, you better have really good insurance because keeping up with those medical bills, if two people get, you know, get four people get E. coli or whatever it might be, and you have a local restaurant, we'll see you later.

[96] The reason that a lot of these restaurants take a job.

[97] chance of opening up.

[98] It's very hard to make a restaurant work anyway.

[99] The reason you open a restaurant with your P .F. Chang's is you got deep pockets and you become a corporation.

[100] You can withstand any kind of bullshit you deal with when it comes to lawsuits, food poisoning, or whatever.

[101] Are they franchises?

[102] Are they all protected under the same umbrella financially?

[103] Both.

[104] Both, actually.

[105] The mother corporation will create these subsidiaries so that if they do get sued, they can't come after the mother corporation.

[106] Right.

[107] So that's kind of how it works, but they got deep pockets financing everything.

[108] I do appreciate the mom and pop aspect of it.

[109] But, you know, also when you're in a town, you like to go to Best Buy and, you know, if you need a fucking laptop.

[110] It's a price.

[111] Everything has a price.

[112] You want Walmart.

[113] It brings TVs down to $26.

[114] But, but you're going to pay a price in some ways.

[115] And how is that?

[116] One example is Main Street used to sprang up organically in the American city, right?

[117] You had Main Street and you had a bunch of little shops.

[118] And those shops were passed down generation to generation.

[119] Everybody knew each other.

[120] There's something very charming and wonderful about that.

[121] But guess what?

[122] That costs money.

[123] It is not as efficient as, say, Target on one side, Walmart on the other, but you pay a price in another way, in my opinion.

[124] Anonymity, you're surrounded by beige walls, you have no connection to a continuum.

[125] You tell me the difference between Kansas City a lot of times and Columbia, Missouri, when you walk down the street.

[126] We're becoming a very generic looking place, and the experience is generic.

[127] You want to go shopping you go to an outdoor mall or an indoor mall depending on the weather and and you're going to find the same exact stores everywhere you go sure you can get anything you want but what at what price it's a little bit like you you buy food for texture and not taste in my name you want real taste in food it takes a lot of time it takes a lot of time in the kitchen to prepare some people don't care speaking of a lot of food i love uh that show no reservations one of my favorite shows we talk about it on the podcast all the time and one of the things he did was he went to new york city and he went to all the really, really old places where they own the building, and it's a family.

[128] He went to this Italian -owned restaurant slash deli.

[129] That's, God, I wish I remember the name, because I have it saved on the DVR.

[130] It's so good.

[131] That show is the best show on television.

[132] Is that Anthony Burdane?

[133] It's the best show on television.

[134] No if, ands are a butt.

[135] It's consistently excellent.

[136] He's on point.

[137] I just, I love the way the guy thinks, the way he, like, really loves, like he went to South Boston into this awesome episode on South Boston, and the way he fucking loves like a town, like a real town, which South Boston is.

[138] And he went to these places in New York and this one Italian bakery, or it's like a deli, but not a bakery.

[139] It's got everything.

[140] You know, it's like all these canned meats and like meats hanging from, you know, like dried meats and cheese hanging from the ceiling and shit.

[141] And the guy who's running it had been working there since he was a baby.

[142] And he was in his 80s.

[143] He was old as fuck.

[144] His whole family had been there.

[145] You can't buy that kind of stuff.

[146] You can't buy it.

[147] That is what we're losing in this country.

[148] That is exactly what I'm talking about.

[149] But the thing is they, the only way they could do this is if, one, they're stubborn old Italians, which is this is the family business.

[150] They're not getting rid of the family business.

[151] Why do we get rid of the family business?

[152] Right.

[153] They're doing that.

[154] And, you know, and they own the building.

[155] They've owned the building forever.

[156] So that's the only reason why these exist.

[157] And it was, it's a fascinating thing to watch and the fucking food looks so good.

[158] They had spaghetti with meatballs.

[159] Oh, my God.

[160] I wanted to go make the spaghetti with meatballs.

[161] I know.

[162] I was like, do I have bread meat from the house?

[163] Do I have breadcrums?

[164] What the fuck can I do wear you?

[165] You walk into a store like that and you smell.

[166] You smell 80 years of food.

[167] It's hard to explain.

[168] You know, and if someone lives in Columbus, Ohio, right?

[169] Like, where you're from, that's all, that's Mall City, right?

[170] Isn't it?

[171] Well, there's definitely a lot of malls.

[172] But you also have, like, a lot of Amish people.

[173] So you have, like, the Amish restaurants, and you do have, like, a different kind.

[174] You know the Amish.

[175] They can really cook up a pie.

[176] They know how to fuck, too.

[177] That's right.

[178] Like rabbits with beards, ladies and gentlemen.

[179] Rabbits with Beards.

[180] The weirdest thing about the Amish.

[181] Did you ever see that documentary where they, what's that thing they do called Rum Skeller or something like that?

[182] Yeah.

[183] I guess when they're, they graduate from high school, they're allowed to go nutty.

[184] They go nutty and then one time in their life Which means they get to dance Yeah They get to dance to rock and roll They get to party They go crazy They go off they party They fuck They go nutty And then they basically hit Like spiritual emptiness Like the full bore Like all at once Crash out Most of America suffers from every single Fughey Crash out in a meth And cocaine haze And then they go I'm going back to the church Where everyone loves me They're really literally Completely unprepared If you grow up in the Amish community And you know It's a very different kind of life.

[185] It's very weird.

[186] It's also a cultish.

[187] It connects you to a community and a very strong community with history.

[188] And also, I think it's really easy.

[189] It's a lot easier in some ways to grow up that way because you're given your boundaries and the way to behave and the blueprint for how to live your life is laid out for you.

[190] A lot of times we grow up in this country with no blueprint.

[191] You've got to kind of make it up as you go along.

[192] But it's a funny blueprint.

[193] You must dress like Johnny Cash and not use electricity.

[194] What the fuck kind of blueprint is that, man?

[195] it's true that's a weird blueprint man they smell too man as a kid whoa hey brian brian this is a generalization are you gonna be racist against the omish this is where i draw the line we had field trips to like the zoo and to like the amusement parks and they would go by like buses and that's one thing as a child growing up you were like who are these weird people dressed weird and that smell like shit smells like dough and hard work what the hell's going on here and they were also busted a lot for like having rays and stuff uh all the time in columbus yeah like where they would catch a bunch of amish people in a bar somewhere with a bunch of ecstasy like they're not all this like innocent that's the probably the rump skeller or what it's called yeah god i'd have to find the name of that because it's drive me gosh rumskiller nobody i mean that's the thing you can as you can grow up a certain way but once you put an idea in somebody's head hey this feels really good yeah it's really rump spring that's what it's called it's very difficult to to stop human nature and human nature when you push in one direction they pull in another i see it with my daughter i see it with the three -year -old it's fascinating watching a little human being developed And one of the things, you know, and you have a daughter at the same age, you'll know what I'm talking about.

[196] Like, you can see where when you tell them not to do things, they want automatically to do it.

[197] It's like, it's so ingrained.

[198] It's not something that you teach a baby.

[199] They just, it's autumn, it's already in there.

[200] There's a contrarian streak in a human being.

[201] It's why any, any time you see in any government experiment in history, in any society, where it's a monarchy, an oligarchy, you know, whether it's a, collectivist sort of nature.

[202] We're all going to behave this way and these are the rules.

[203] People rebel.

[204] It never really works.

[205] It has to.

[206] That's a part of what is made a human being, a human being.

[207] It's getting coded into our genetics, unquestionably.

[208] And it's the reason why Catholic girls are whores.

[209] It's so simple.

[210] When I was in high school, all the Catholic girls were sluts.

[211] We all knew it.

[212] And we would joke about it.

[213] She's in Catholic school.

[214] Oh, shit.

[215] We would go, fuck, she's in Catholic school.

[216] You knew that when you got that bitch alone and stuck a finger in she was going to go crazy.

[217] She was going to grab your dick like it was a rope hanging over a canyon and she fell out of an airplane and just caught it before sudden death like fucking Sylvester Stallone and cliffhanger.

[218] She's going to milk that dick.

[219] Oh, like it's the sweetest elixir.

[220] She can't wait.

[221] A girl was telling me about her relationship with the Lord.

[222] She could use more with the Lord.

[223] So we had an argument which was fun and you had an argument.

[224] Yeah, and I quickly realized it was, you know, she didn't have a whole lot to base this on.

[225] It was just kind of She'd gone through some kind of a crisis and then glatched on to the Lord.

[226] I banged her in her car two hours later.

[227] Two hours later in, I'm sorry, in my car.

[228] I never forgot this.

[229] She's like, oh, I can't believe.

[230] Yeah, I know.

[231] I can't believe in doing this.

[232] I can't either, but we have a connection.

[233] We connected.

[234] That's why all the religious girls are, I mean, all the horrors back in high school now are religious, if you know it is.

[235] Like, you know, they all have kids in their whole about.

[236] I used to be so dushy.

[237] I have an ultimate confession to make.

[238] When any, whenever the subject of religion would come up, I was that guy.

[239] I would be so dushy where I'd be like insulting to you if you believe something silly.

[240] I would be not just dismissive but insulting.

[241] It's such a stuff because no one's doing anything bad to me. No. But what is there's something about you, especially when I was young when I was like 18, I was really considering religion at one point in time.

[242] I was very lost.

[243] I was going to join the Army.

[244] I was doing Taekwondo and I heard the Army had a big Taekwondo team.

[245] There's this kid named Clayton, I think, Clayton Barber.

[246] That might not be his name.

[247] but he was a high -level Taekwondo guy that fought for the army.

[248] And I was like, wow, they pay for him to fight.

[249] All he has to do is, like, they give him some cushy office job, and then he gets a train all the time.

[250] So I was thinking about that.

[251] And I was terrified of religion.

[252] I was terrified.

[253] Like, whenever I'd fight someone and I knew that they were Christian, I would get really nervous.

[254] Because they had sort of, they believed, and they had a sort of inner strength.

[255] I thought, what if they were right?

[256] What if there's a God?

[257] What if the God's looking out for them?

[258] That's interesting.

[259] I really would think that.

[260] Like, I remember one time this guy, he was sitting on the sidelines on one knee, reading the fucking Bible before we fought.

[261] Wow.

[262] I was like, put that book away, you fuck.

[263] Put that book.

[264] Like he was going to use some incantations on me. Holy Ghost power!

[265] I was nervous, man. I got nervous.

[266] But you know what that does, I think with the power of any kind of religion or anything, anytime you try to go beyond that what you can measure, I think a lot of belief has to do with less to do to do with superstition and more to do.

[267] It's kind of the same thing.

[268] It has to do with inspiration.

[269] So the same way you listen to a piece of music that gets you pumped to go do something, I think people can derive the same kind of strength and inspiration from scripture.

[270] sure I know they do I know I have a good friend and I'm not going to talk about him but he's very religious and a lot of people would be shocked but he's a pretty strict Catholic and he's a good friend I just let him do his thing man you know it's on him you know that's what keeps him happy but when I was young I was so douchey about it and really it was somehow or another it was because I was insecure that A maybe they were right or B when I was really young but then I started reading religious history and go oh wait a minute oh this is craziness oh I didn't know I still I'm still fascinated, though.

[271] But what fascinates me is I read a whole thing on the origins of Christianity.

[272] It's pretty interesting.

[273] But I came sort of the same conclusion.

[274] I went, if you really look at how much Christ actually said that you can put it on a 4x4 card, not a lot.

[275] And then you had all these followers, Paul, for example, and ever you met him and had this conversion on the road to Damascus and wrote all these letters.

[276] The question becomes, why, though, did those ideas last 2 ,000 years?

[277] and a lot of ideas didn't.

[278] That's what I always fascinates me. Because we killed the most people.

[279] It's that simple.

[280] The Christians killed the most people.

[281] It literally is that.

[282] Actually, I don't agree with that because you could say the same thing about fascism.

[283] And the Nazis killed a lot of people.

[284] But that, that, by the way, same with communism.

[285] Listen, if the Muslims had kicked the ass that the Christians did, we would all be learning that Muhammad was the thing.

[286] And we wouldn't be celebrating Christmas.

[287] We'd be celebrating some walk around the big box.

[288] No, but I do think that there's some, there is a resilience to things like love, love thy enemy and unforgiveness.

[289] I know.

[290] That is true, Brian, but you have to understand that all this stuff is rehashed old shit.

[291] I don't have to tell you that.

[292] And the reason why we are immersed in Christianity is because this epoch, this world that we're living in, we're dealing with a very small amount of time.

[293] It seems like an enormous amount of time for us.

[294] But the amount of time that the Christian religion has dominated the earth is not the same amount of time that back when the Romans were dominating shit or the Greeks were dominating shit.

[295] They had a couple thousand years on us.

[296] How much?

[297] We've only been around for a couple hundred years or, you know, this country.

[298] You know, and the world, the world of Christianity, it was 2 ,000 years.

[299] But let me ask you a question.

[300] How much do you think, how, it seems like human beings always have this sort of need for, to impose their own forms of self -restriction.

[301] Yes.

[302] And, you know, and discipline and things like that.

[303] I think it's an operating system.

[304] Would you think that's a part of our human nature?

[305] Would you think that's a natural function of our name?

[306] I think it's very simple.

[307] I think that we are evolving.

[308] We are in an adolescent stage of evolution.

[309] And we are something that's in the middle.

[310] We are not quite animal.

[311] We know that we are animal.

[312] We know we interact with animals.

[313] We know we have feelings for animals.

[314] But we also know that they're not us.

[315] We know we're something different, even from monkeys.

[316] There's a reason why you're allowed to keep monkeys in the zoo, but you can't have a slave.

[317] It's because we make some sort of a distinction that we are something different from them.

[318] And people say, well, that's stupid.

[319] We're not.

[320] That's wrong.

[321] You know, animals have rights.

[322] Honestly, they don't.

[323] Here's the deal.

[324] If it wasn't for us being so super smart, they'd all have eaten us.

[325] It's really that simple.

[326] There's some crazy weird survival thing.

[327] going on.

[328] And the only way to truly be happy is you have to be on whatever team you're racist.

[329] If you're a dog and you're ratting out all these other dogs and then the people run around and club the dogs of death in front of you, you'll be a shitty dog.

[330] You'll feel terrible.

[331] So you don't get in trouble.

[332] Joe Roken is not talking about racist and white, blacker.

[333] He's talking about human race here.

[334] Yes, I'm talking about animals over other species.

[335] I'm talking about the human race as a whole.

[336] We're in some weird thing where we're not quite an animal anymore.

[337] We're an animal, but we're self -aware.

[338] we need food, we need animal protein, we need vegetable protein, we need water, we need all the things that a regular biological unit needs to keep itself alive.

[339] But we also have some weird awareness.

[340] So then evolution for you is not just biological.

[341] It's not just mathematics and biology.

[342] It is, we're also evolving from a consciousness point.

[343] Sure.

[344] I mean, and biologists would argue with you over the semantics over the word evolution, saying the evolution only pertains to a biological thing, that you don't have like evolution of culture.

[345] You have advancement of culture.

[346] You know, you have advanced levels of complexity, but it's not technically evolution.

[347] But we all know what the word evolution means, and it's a better word for it.

[348] I don't mind using it there.

[349] I haven't think societies and even the world as a whole, it develops their own sort of sense of self -awareness.

[350] We are very aware of the pitfalls of how to get, how you get, you fall into things like genocide.

[351] I do think the world is less brutal as a whole today than it was a long time.

[352] Way more.

[353] It's hard for us to understand.

[354] I always try to relate this to people when we talk about the, The, you know, people like, I've had so many conversations like, you know, Alex Jones is a good friend of mine.

[355] And Alex Jones will tell you that right now, the CIA, the end up, he's so doom and gloom.

[356] You know, I have some people that I know that I'm friends with that are so, so this is the end of the world.

[357] You've got to look at it this way, bro.

[358] The apocalypse is here, but not here, okay?

[359] It's on the earth in certain spots.

[360] It always has been.

[361] It's just back then when you described the apocalypse and the plague, well yeah there was a plague in northern africa but guess where there wasn't a plague in fucking china at the same time in china they were chilling they were banging making more chinese people they were you know they were playing fucking games it's you have access right now to too much information for our puny brains and that's where religion and any sort of a predetermined pattern or behavior that you can follow as an operating system whether it's being an amish person or anything that's why they come in handy because things so squirrelly things are so crazy you look the fucking the meltdown in japan and fucking mississippi's underwater and you the fucking tornadoes go through Alabama and birds are falling from the sky it never ends by the way if you're looking if you're looking for shitty things you can find them all day and i'll tell you something if for any of the young people are listening if you think it's it's worse today pick up any piece of literature or history just take a look like take a look at lincoln's life and you'll find that back then let's just take lincoln's era okay civil war first of all you always lost two or three of your children to all kinds of diseases for example diphtheria When was the last time?

[362] Who do you know whoever died of whooping cop, diphtheria, tetanus, smallpox?

[363] These diseases would roll through in epidemics.

[364] And it wasn't like the flu where you got a cold.

[365] You died slowly and horribly, and it was usually your child under a tent that you couldn't touch.

[366] So if anybody, tuberculosis, when you got consumption, which is another word for tuberculosis, and it's just any time you read any kind of, any piece of literature or history from even 50 years ago, it is always a story about somebody eugene o 'neill Nobel Prize winning playwright his brother got tuberculosis and he had to watch him die and long day's journey in the night is about that there was nothing you could do man you know what they do go up to the mountains and breathe the air to see if it helps your lungs otherwise you fucking died and that was one disease of of count look at polio 60 years ago 50 years ago when kids were on iron lungs and the best case scenario your child is for he'll never walk again That was the best case in error, but usually you just died because your lungs didn't hold up.

[367] And we've invented that that's the fundamental difference.

[368] Nobody that's listening right now, I guarantee, knows anybody who has even been crippled by something like polio, scarred by something like smallpox.

[369] So the world in a lot of ways were feeding in the 70s, in the 70s, and especially in the 60s, China and India, half the world's population was starving, man. They couldn't even, they had to import grain.

[370] Now India is a huge grain exporter.

[371] So because of the green revolution, because of what's that guy's name, one man who came out with ways to make grains and things more resistant to drought and things like that, our advancements, our technological advancements have pushed us so far beyond our biology.

[372] It's not even funny.

[373] However, you're right.

[374] It's so overwhelming and moving so quickly that people feel like, since they can't understand it, they have to come up with some kind of a debunking mechanism or something they can understand, or at least something they can hold on to, and that's where religion plays a huge part.

[375] I don't think technology is pushing religion out of the way.

[376] In some ways, I think this huge exponential growth of technology is actually ushering in another wave, and that is a wave of very religious people who don't know how to put this technological wave into context, tissue regeneration, all the stuff we talk about.

[377] It's also that you're able to contact many people.

[378] You are.

[379] You can get groups.

[380] You can get very selective on the internet, too.

[381] You can choose just to hang out in one or two sort of forums, and you can just think the way they think.

[382] Nick, Nick Swarson does such a funny joke about that.

[383] You ever see his joke about this?

[384] He does this new joke.

[385] He's like, you know, back before the internet, if you had a fetish, man, it was just really hard to find, like, you know, a group or just anybody you could get in.

[386] You have to go out to dinner and be like, I'll be right back.

[387] I'm going to go to the bathroom unless you want me to piss on your face.

[388] I'm just kidding.

[389] Yeah, yeah, it's a good chance.

[390] That's hilarious because it's true.

[391] It's true.

[392] You have to feel it out and shit.

[393] There's so many weird groups that we're finding out about from doing this podcasting.

[394] You have to talk to porn stars.

[395] You have to.

[396] They hold you down.

[397] It's great.

[398] You know, and sometimes, you know, you get in conversations like, you know, like you find out things like cream pies and, you know, and foot jobs and all these different, like, really creepy things that are just totally standard.

[399] They're standard now.

[400] You know, it used to be hard to find.

[401] When I was 14 years old, we always used to find porn in the woods.

[402] And everyone shares this story.

[403] By the way, all over the country.

[404] I grew up in Boston.

[405] I've talked to friends that grew up in L .A. I've talked to, you found porn in the woods.

[406] We all used to find magazines in the woods.

[407] And I remember, I will remember this.

[408] This is the very day that the darkness, the dark side of sexuality was revealed to me. Because normally when you find these magazines, you'd find like Time magazine, you know, and then there would be like a playboy inside of it.

[409] Someone would be naughty.

[410] You know what I mean?

[411] Like if you would find one over someone's house.

[412] Right.

[413] But if you find them in the woods, you know, like, I never bought a magazine until I was like 20.

[414] You always found them over someone's house or you stole it from your dad's bathroom or something.

[415] But the magazines that you would get from your dad were like penthouse if you were lucky, right?

[416] They go gynecological more.

[417] They show the pussy.

[418] Not cheesepot and stuff.

[419] But when I was in the woods, you'd find like hustler and cherry.

[420] And, yeah, screw.

[421] And I stumbled upon this one magazine.

[422] It was me and my friends, and I'll never forget this.

[423] Because my friend Juan, my friend Juan Alvarado, he was the first one to talk.

[424] And we're all sitting around looking at this magazine.

[425] And we peel through it page by page for like five minutes, just page.

[426] And he finally goes, dude, I think this magazine's all dicks and feet.

[427] And it was the whole magazine was dicks and feet.

[428] And I remember this because also it was the first time my friend, my friend Josh, who was the next one to speak, The first time I ever heard someone say, what the fuck, in a way that I knew they didn't really want an answer.

[429] You know, when you say what the fuck, occasionally you say what the fuck, like you come home, there's water everywhere.

[430] What the fuck?

[431] But sometimes you'll say, what the fuck, where it's like, what the fuck?

[432] And you don't really want an answer, man. There's no way you can have an answer.

[433] There's certain times when you say what the fuck where if you were expecting an answer, you ask the wrong question.

[434] You know, and this is one of them, this fucking magazine, this wet magazine.

[435] magazine that we found under a log, right?

[436] It's always, they're always damp, the pages are stuck together, and it was all dicks and feet.

[437] It was so weird.

[438] It was all white guys.

[439] You can never find a black dick.

[440] If you were looking for some black dick back in the day, it was very difficult, right?

[441] I didn't see a black dick until the internet came along.

[442] And then I was like, wow, they really are bigger.

[443] They are bigger.

[444] But back then, man, you never saw a black dick.

[445] That shit was a rumor, or you wrestled and you saw them in the locker room.

[446] You know, every now and then, you'd be like, God, damn.

[447] What the fuck is that?

[448] Yeah.

[449] but back, oh, the porn now, porn, every girl, you're not worth your salt unless you get fucking gang bang by a couple of black guys.

[450] Right.

[451] All right, that separates the girls from the women, all right, that separates the pros.

[452] That separates the real sluts.

[453] The real girls who go in there and there's three fucking giant juiced up football player black dudes with logs in their pants.

[454] And they're going to fuck every hole and you're going to pretend you love it or do love it.

[455] Either way.

[456] I hope you love it.

[457] Go for it.

[458] It's good for my masturbation material.

[459] Yeah, bro.

[460] I can feel bad and get.

[461] You can't stop sluts.

[462] You just got to be nice to them.

[463] God bless them.

[464] And, you know, I think sluts are, just like every other component in this society, inevitable.

[465] You know, and porn stars and comedians and everything.

[466] It's almost like this society has a piece in place to counteract every other piece that moves along with it.

[467] Well, being a slut in this society comes, if you're hot enough, comes with a certain amount of power and cachet.

[468] And, by the way, salary.

[469] You know.

[470] And hate.

[471] Forget about that.

[472] What about the hate you get from the other women?

[473] You know, you're not playing by their rules.

[474] What are you just going out there and fuck them on the first date?

[475] And what it is is they're just tapping into our base evolutionary side, the chimps side, the chimpanzee in us, you know?

[476] Yeah, it's just total genetic thing.

[477] You don't want to be around that girl because you know that girl's a place for that.

[478] There's a place for that.

[479] I mean, well, it's there.

[480] I often think that it's there for the same reason.

[481] Religion's there.

[482] All this controlling behavior is because we ultimately have this weird sort of a group goal.

[483] And the weird group goal is the progression of technology.

[484] The weird group goal is a progression.

[485] And I say that and people say, well, No, it's not just about technology.

[486] It's about social engineering.

[487] It's about life.

[488] Yeah, but what's at the front?

[489] What's at the front of the line?

[490] The front of the line is what's the latest, greatest shit we're inventing.

[491] How much does the culture evolve?

[492] We still have most of the same fucking stupid laws in place that were in place in the 60s and 70s.

[493] Pot is still illegal, okay?

[494] The culture is still walked out of their mind.

[495] The culture is still really fucking weird.

[496] But technology is in another place.

[497] The evolution of technology is a thousand times faster.

[498] Well, you know what it does?

[499] Technology, for example, in porn, for example.

[500] It gives you exactly what you want right now in every technicolor detail.

[501] And there was an article I read by this, I can't remember her name, this...

[502] Slutty McFuckstick?

[503] No, this woman who said that they're finding this interesting phenomenon with teenage boys.

[504] And that is that these kids are now have access to red tube.

[505] They're watching porn starting at 10, 9, and they're getting exactly what they want.

[506] Here's the problem.

[507] When you and I, when you and I saw a naked girl, right when we met, we didn't have the Internet, When you saw tits and you saw an ass, you were just like, holy shit.

[508] I wasn't worried about lines.

[509] I wasn't worried about shaving.

[510] I was just like, look at the, just the smell of her.

[511] I was like, I don't hear it.

[512] She could have a hoof and a horn.

[513] I'm fucking her.

[514] I don't care.

[515] I'm this far.

[516] Now what they're finding is boys are, they're so used to seeing perfection in exactly what they want that they'll see a girl and they'll be like, ah, she's got a dent there.

[517] I don't like that.

[518] Fuck it.

[519] I'm bored on to the next.

[520] And these kids are going from girl to girl to girl.

[521] And girls are having to rise to that occasion and become sluggier and sluggier.

[522] are to keep to hold a boy's interest.

[523] And they've done a lot of really interesting social studies on it.

[524] And what you know what it's causing?

[525] It's causing boredom.

[526] It's causing sexual boredom among...

[527] This is what the article says is.

[528] Among the weak.

[529] Well, yeah.

[530] Everybody else is just getting more but -sex.

[531] Or addictions or weird addictions.

[532] They are weird.

[533] And sexuality can very well be in it.

[534] Anything where you think about it too much can be an addiction.

[535] Because you're chasing a sensation.

[536] Yeah.

[537] Whether it's good or bad.

[538] You know, look, I've been addicted to a lot of fucking things in my life.

[539] I've never been addicted to a drug, but I've been addicted to a lot of fucking things.

[540] things in my life.

[541] And there was a guy, there was one of the clearest forms of sexual addiction.

[542] There was this guy that was in a wheelchair.

[543] And he was a nice guy.

[544] And he used to play in this pool league that I played in.

[545] We played this weekly tournament.

[546] And he was always there.

[547] And he had to play in a wheelchair.

[548] And he was in, you know, it's fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking hard, man. It's hard going around in life where you can't move your legs.

[549] So he started talking to me about prostitutes.

[550] That he gets a lot of prostitutes.

[551] I'm like, all right, yeah, it's good this guy gets some prostitutes.

[552] Probably, you know, guys got a lot of fucking pent -up sexual pressure and I hope they don't take advantage of him, right?

[553] But then he starts talking about how he gets really upset if their feet aren't perfect.

[554] He got like really weird.

[555] And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, well.

[556] Here's a guy who's an ugly guy.

[557] He's ugly.

[558] And he's talking about girls.

[559] And it wasn't just talking about prostitutes.

[560] But he doesn't like their feet.

[561] Their feet have to be perfect.

[562] They have to be perfect.

[563] She has not taken care of her feet.

[564] I get upset.

[565] And I'm like, God damn, dude, you should be so happy that someone wants to hug you.

[566] What do you give a fuck what color her nails are on her toes, you know, weirdo?

[567] Do you know, according to this one book called The Murder Room, that this guy who was a, a serial killer profile who specializes in sadism and he was he's he do you know about this it's really interesting the Vodak society where they they get together um like the third Thursday of every month all these retired profilers and and detectives and they solve cold cases and the rule is it's got to be an unjust case where a little girl was killed or someone right it can't be a drug dealer was knocked off right they find but it's usually to deal with serial killers and people got away with it and they think it's a serial killer and they've solved a lot of crimes and he said and he's he's the he basically wrote the helix on the evolution of a serial killer that the FBI still uses today on profiling.

[568] And he said that almost all serial killers start with a fetish.

[569] Wow.

[570] And once you get into the fetish, once you get into, you know, whatever it might be coming on somebody's feet, and then you want to, then you want to, you know, maybe choke them or whatever.

[571] You don't go back.

[572] You mentally never go back to being normal.

[573] Once you start going down the rabbit hole, some people stop.

[574] Some people stop.

[575] Some people will stop it.

[576] You know, they like to stop it, whatever it might be shitting on your fucking...

[577] And this is extreme fetishes.

[578] This is not just like I have a fetish for Asians.

[579] Well, no. It's funny, though, that they'll start with rubbing against strangers and buses.

[580] That's a huge, or on trains.

[581] So they'll take trains and they'll just rub up against a stranger.

[582] Here's another really creepy one.

[583] Sometimes they'll find leather coats cut, like just really finely cut with a razor.

[584] That's something called peakerism, which is where they like to cut your skin.

[585] that shit is a very common thing that's where it's fucking so they're cutting you like when you're standing in an elevator or something you know and they practice on coats but they'll do it in a public place because it's dangerous it's like you know they might get caught fucking nutty shit man it's more weird shit where the fucking mind is not wired right what is that is that a social thing well there's a there's a lot of new science to suggest that if you are an evil person let's just say you're a serial killer or you're just a killer what there's a lot of evidence to suggest that you lack the ability, not only with the medigula, which is the part of the brain that, I guess, you know, deals with compassion and things, but you also may also not have the neuron synapses required to actually fire when somebody's being hurt and it causes a sense of disdain or you feel bad about it.

[586] So as we learn more about the brain, it may just be that criminals, for the most part, are brain damaged, are simply brain damage.

[587] Are simply brain damaged.

[588] So that raises a really important question.

[589] If then you can prove that someone has a lesion the size of a pinhead on a certain part of their brain that causes them to lack any kind of compassion and in fact causes them not to be able to feel at all.

[590] And so they have to do crazy shit just to feel.

[591] Just to be alive.

[592] Right.

[593] So what do you do with that person?

[594] What does that say?

[595] Well, you can kill them.

[596] You can kill them.

[597] But I'm talking about it as a society if you see that they are brain damaged.

[598] Now here's another question.

[599] Study them and kill them.

[600] Okay.

[601] Or how about this?

[602] What if you have the means to actually fix that lesion on the brain?

[603] Depends on what they've done.

[604] If they've already done something fucked up, you've got to kill them.

[605] What if I could prove scientifically that they're 100 % normal with all the ability to feel compassion?

[606] You still got to, it's still a justice, right?

[607] Yeah, you got to kill them.

[608] Yeah, you can't have them walking around if that guy killed your sister.

[609] Could you imagine?

[610] If you were walking around and some guy killed your sister, it's like, hey, sorry, you just had some shit wrong in my brain.

[611] But it does raise, it does raise questions we're going to be grappling with.

[612] Another thing about technology, as we learn more about the brain and you find that a lot of criminals have an underdeveloped, for example, medigula.

[613] I think that's the word.

[614] Is that what the part of the brain?

[615] I don't know.

[616] No, no. Brain scientist.

[617] Let's say medigula.

[618] Let's make up another word.

[619] It sounds better.

[620] It sounds like a colligula.

[621] Look it up on the internet.

[622] Your shaman.

[623] It sounds like a colligula.

[624] But the point is that that's fucking interesting to me. All of a sudden, you're actually brain damaged.

[625] So you don't have the ability to feel.

[626] You don't even know how to process that and you haven't since you were born.

[627] Right.

[628] But aren't a huge, but where does that come from?

[629] Because a huge percentage of these serial killers, it seems, come from some sort of a torturous childhood.

[630] Yes, and then some don't.

[631] But is that some don't?

[632] But is that some don't bullshit?

[633] Maybe.

[634] Because, you know, like Jeffrey Dahmer's parents claim that they didn't fuck him.

[635] You know, oh, everything is fine.

[636] He's pretty normal.

[637] Yo, yo, something happened.

[638] I don't buy that.

[639] But there's no question, though, that a lot of very evil people.

[640] Let's take Stalin and actually not a good example, let's take, there are a lot of, like, shitty, the really terrible dictators.

[641] Right, but isn't it a The real problem is finding their history.

[642] God, who the fuck knows, man. I think that you're definitely wounded sometime in a crucial stage of your development probably.

[643] That seems to be, that's another theory I've heard, where people say, as you're developing, a lot of times, if you're developing sexually and mentally at a certain age and you see something really horrific and violent, you can associate violence with sexual release of all kinds of shit like that.

[644] or as a way of coping with something you can't even put in a context.

[645] You turn it sexual because it's a defensive mechanism.

[646] That's the thing with a lot of girls that have been raped.

[647] A lot of girls who have been molested and raped, they turn to porn.

[648] That's exactly right because they relive the trauma.

[649] They call it reliving it, you know.

[650] Strange.

[651] You would think that it would turn them off.

[652] It does.

[653] Some people it does.

[654] The mystery is that you see people who go through the worst abuse in the world and they come out of it incredible people who give back to society and they're everybody's hero.

[655] And then you see somebody where one thing, thing happens.

[656] One thing happens at the right time and they turn into, they're in and out of rehab for the rest of their life.

[657] Look at, look at people who make a shitload of money.

[658] A lot of their kids, good looking, tall, they're doing all the thing and they spend their whole life battling a drug problem.

[659] Whereas one dude comes up from in an orphanage and ends up running the fucking running a company or, you know, whatever it might be.

[660] Yeah, but you know, I think it's all really kind of clear.

[661] If you look at it like in the progression of their lives, what kind of experiences have they had, how they move towards, you know, solving or getting past that experience.

[662] and what can you learn from watching them?

[663] I mean, if you really wanted to take the crazy point of view, the crazy point of view is that this world is really your imagination and that everything that takes place in this world is really a lesson for you.

[664] You can either learn from it or not.

[665] You can see the whole thing is some grand play played out for your amusement.

[666] And in every weakness, you can learn.

[667] And one of the issues that I have with human beings, and like I said, with religion, I get upset at things that I'm afraid of seeing in myself.

[668] You know, I get upset at weakness in people.

[669] I get upset at jealousy.

[670] I get upset at all the things that I'm terrified of seeing in myself.

[671] And it's almost like that plays out for you.

[672] It's like these are all, here's your school.

[673] The world is your, this is your path to enlightenment.

[674] Here's the world in front of you.

[675] This is a shaky roadmap of enlightenment.

[676] You said something that always stuck with me. I never forgot it.

[677] And I wasn't that young a guy when you said it.

[678] It was actually kind of recent.

[679] It was about five years ago.

[680] And there was this situation that I'd, been and I was we were at dinner and I fucking freaked out and my girlfriend at the time and you said to me the next day you go dude you got to become the star of the movie that you live in you can't be you can't behave that way because that's not what the star of the movie would do in other words you make a choice as to how you behave and who you want to be and that is a series of choices you can choose to be someone that you would admire that's exactly fucking right and that's not easy to do it takes responsibility it takes saying know to a lot of shit but it does but it's also it is in a way it's also it is easier in a way it is in you make your fucking choice and i think you also know exactly i always find people who act like they're really confused and they'll ask me advice about how to live their life and i start looking i'm like dude you know exactly what you're supposed to yes but no it is very confusing if you haven't made steps already if you're if you're one of those people that have never ventured into the deep water and you're afraid to jump in it's fucking scary the big for a lot of people any sort of change is terrifying.

[681] Any movement where I'm thinking about leaving this job and pursuing my dreams, that's fucking terrifying for a lot of people.

[682] It is terrifying because a lot of times it doesn't work out but I just...

[683] But they haven't done it.

[684] If you've done it a bunch of times, like, hey, I already did this, already did that.

[685] I already tried moving here and sports.

[686] Sports make a big...

[687] I was listening to Mark Marin, I think he was talking to Greg Fitzs Simmons.

[688] Somebody sent me this clip where Marin was talking about how, if he was upset with anything, it was that his parents never instilled a sense of healthy competition in him.

[689] For him, it was always, if he's losing the game, he's throwing the board up in the air and then the fucking game's over because he couldn't take it because it was like life or death and that's such an important point man and a healthy form of competition and by healthy one of the things is you got to lose i was about it's a matter of do I tap out or does my arm break do I tap out or are you going to fuck my neck up you know you know and this is but by doing that all the time you get very humble it's it's and you get used to losing and winning and you realize that you're the the good that you do whether you do good do good at jiu -jitsu or any other game one of the reasons why I'm obsessed with games is because there's a direct correlation in my mind between focusing excellence like focusing my my energy and my concentration on something and then seeing direct results and then applying those direct results to the rest of my life.

[690] And with some people, they never have any real competition in their life.

[691] And because of that, when anything comes up, anything that's big, anything that does require you to rise the occasion or deal with a social issue, you fucking lock up, man. He freeze up because it's scary.

[692] You know, Michael Jordan, they always say, he holds the statistic for hitting the most last minute winning shots.

[693] Guess what?

[694] He also holds the statistic for the most losing, missing the most game winning shots.

[695] I also a notorious gambling addict.

[696] Yeah, but that's in a book, that's in a book called Outliers that I thought was really interesting.

[697] Yeah, takes a chance.

[698] Well, yeah, he missed as many, he missed more than he made.

[699] Now, he's a legend, and he was the greatest basketball player ever, but that took a lot of fucking missing and a lot of losing.

[700] It took a lot of obsession, too.

[701] He's a fascinating subject to me. I follow him very closely.

[702] Do you?

[703] Yes, very closely.

[704] Because I'm obsessed with extreme winners.

[705] Yeah.

[706] I'm extreme, because I think there's a madness to it, and I truly believe that in order to be truly great at something, you have to give into a certain amount of madness.

[707] And how much can you manage that madness?

[708] I don't know.

[709] But guess what?

[710] If you want to be that guy flying through the fucking air with your tongue out in front of the baddest motherfucking basketball players in the world and kicking shit on a level that they've never seen before, Dr. Jay, suck my dick, stupid.

[711] Watch this.

[712] Watch this.

[713] I'm going to fly through the air.

[714] How about that?

[715] How about I'm going to do some shit that nobody's ever done?

[716] I'm going to hit some fucking layups that's going to have all you white bitches scratching your head.

[717] Artie Lang used to say, if Michael Jordan had been on the Titanic, it would not have sunk.

[718] he would have been fucking blacked he would have just plugged every whole I am fascinated by ultra bad motherfuckers but there's a reality to that there's a madness to them to all of them every single one of them and Michael Jordan is an extreme one he lost at pool once didn't talk to his teammate for three days yeah you know I believe it I believe he's also got a real real problem with gambling and any sort of games and I know that thing in myself when I was younger I had a real problem with it I'm much much better now but when I was younger I had a real problem with games and he's got it bad man with golf he's got it bad dude he loses and he doesn't even pay he gets mad at people and doesn't pay he owed some fucking golf hustler a half a million dollars and the guy wrote a story it was i believe it was esquire it was esquire or gq one of those magazines and there was a big ass story about michael jordan and you know how he's how he's gambling with michael jordan michael jordan wouldn't pay him and michael jordan is just this ultra bad motherfucker who's obsessed with it he just has to constantly get new pussy has to constantly get the latest Ferrari.

[719] He has to constantly be playing golf and winning money and gambling on basketball games and gambling on whatever the fuck he can, man. He's just out there riding it.

[720] A lot of athletes have so much trouble fucking magic.

[721] How about this?

[722] Go to factcheck .com 60 % of NFL football players leave the league in bankruptcy.

[723] Dude, did you see that?

[724] There was a thing about all the different basketball players and pro athletes.

[725] I think on factcheck .com I believe that's the statistic.

[726] It's 60%.

[727] We can check it out right now.

[728] Yeah.

[729] 60 % of, what'd you say?

[730] Of NFL football players are bankrupt.

[731] I think it's like a year after they've played football or by the time they retire or something crazy.

[732] Did you see what Norm McDonald bet on that pack fight the other day?

[733] Well, I know a guy who bet 800 ,000.

[734] Are you serious?

[735] How about that?

[736] I know a guy who bet 800 ,000 to win 100 ,000.

[737] I'm so glad I don't have that fucking kind of problem.

[738] To win 100 ,000.

[739] That was pretty safe, but yet he didn't fight up to...

[740] 60%.

[741] There it is.

[742] Within five years of retirement.

[743] 6 % of NFL football players within 5 years of retirement are bankrupt.

[744] Think about that.

[745] It's because you're just invincible.

[746] You're the biggest, strongest, fastest guy in the world, and you've got to get that juice somehow.

[747] You gotta buy shit.

[748] You gotta just, you know.

[749] Well, there was a thing about pro athletes that have all been, that have lost all their money.

[750] And they're guys who, like, Latrell Spreewell.

[751] Oh, dude.

[752] Guys who, like, big names.

[753] Big names.

[754] And they're broke.

[755] They owe millions and millions of dollars.

[756] You know, and I have this weird thing where I go on hip -hop sites.

[757] And I look at hip -hop sites, One of the things that you see nowadays is how many guys are in bankruptcy, like half of their gossip.

[758] You know, everyone's got their own gossip.

[759] You know, you go on like baby websites, Celebrity Baby.

[760] Oh, you know, it looks like they're fighting and, you know, the baby's turned four, you know, but you go on hip -hop websites and the gossip is overwhelming.

[761] This guy's losing his house.

[762] If you're a pro athlete or you're a hip -hop, the first thing you should do in your entourage is have fucking three accountants following you everywhere.

[763] Just hire, go to New York, find a Jewish or Italian accountant, have them fucking follow you around all the time.

[764] know iran barclay you know who he was right beat thomas hernes former i think super middleweight champion bad by the fuck is a badass he turned homeless he became homeless he had a he had a major crack problem was it a crack problem really i didn't know that but what they were saying what he was saying rather was he was hanging out with eddie murphy and michael or hanging out with edie murphy and arcinio hall and he's like i had to fucking keep up you know so he was you know buying a mercedes and the best watches and then that shit runs dry and you know that's like the the most transient of jobs or the most temporary of jobs.

[765] And by the way, how much money to tell you would know better than I would.

[766] If you make, if you got a $20 million payday, right?

[767] And you're a boxer.

[768] How much of that money after taxes and, and there's a lot.

[769] How much do you see?

[770] There's a lot.

[771] There's a lot that's missing.

[772] Okay.

[773] The guy that's making the $20 million thinks I have $20 million, but you don't.

[774] First of all, yeah, you got about six.

[775] Maybe.

[776] You might not even have six.

[777] You might have four.

[778] Because you have to pay taxes.

[779] Okay.

[780] So half's gone.

[781] When you're in, when you're When you're above $250 ,000, is it?

[782] Or is it $400 ,000?

[783] Whatever the fuck it is.

[784] There's a certain level to you're above where you're essentially paying 40 -something percent in taxes.

[785] Yeah, okay.

[786] So there's that.

[787] Then you have managers and agents.

[788] So I don't know how it is in boxing, but in a lot of, in comedy, for instance.

[789] You and I, we have a manager and an agent.

[790] The manager takes 15 percent.

[791] The agent takes 10.

[792] There's 25.

[793] Do you have a business manager?

[794] Yes.

[795] So there's 30.

[796] So money's gone.

[797] Forget it at publicists, too.

[798] I don't have one, but I mean.

[799] And then, of course, you have property taxes, and there's a lot of things you have to pay, and the bills are high.

[800] But the amount of money that you actually get is like $0 .34 on a dollar, something silly like that.

[801] It's something ridiculous.

[802] So, yeah, so these guys spend like they actually have $20 million.

[803] But that's part of the fun, man. It's part of the fun is watching someone walking around with giant diamond -encrusted chains and crazy fucking watches.

[804] And then a month later, finding out that they lost their house, there's something for you, for your own amusement.

[805] Joe Rogan.

[806] knew a comic who had a huge deal.

[807] He bought a Rolls -Royce six months later.

[808] He was living in it.

[809] Yeah, who was that?

[810] I don't know, but Doug Davidoff knows.

[811] I can't remember the guys.

[812] Yeah, who was that?

[813] That's why I bought a Ford Edge.

[814] Solid car.

[815] Ford makes some solid fucking Chrysner.

[816] Apparently, Chrysler's making a big comeback because of an M &M commercial.

[817] An M &M commercial about Detroit, some slick Detroit commercial that they did for the Super Bowl?

[818] I can't.

[819] I drive a Prius and even my fucking...

[820] Listen, brother, you only live this one life.

[821] Go get yourself an M3.

[822] You got some money.

[823] Yeah, you used to have a BMW, right?

[824] Get yourself.

[825] You want to borrow my car for a couple days?

[826] It's great, huh?

[827] Drive a running in an M3.

[828] You got some money, man. I'm not saying you should just blow it and get crazy, but enjoy it.

[829] Don't drive a fucking Prius.

[830] You're in the hangover, too, son.

[831] I'm right, everybody.

[832] I'm a fucking solid car.

[833] Oh, by the way, I'll be at the Edmonton comic strip on Wednesday, Wednesday to fucking Sunday, and I will be bringing the heat.

[834] Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

[835] The shit, fun fucking place.

[836] They have a lot of fights up there.

[837] They have the MFC.

[838] They put on big fights up there.

[839] And a couple times I've done comedy shows like right before the fights.

[840] The fucking crowds are great.

[841] I love Canadians.

[842] They get the comedy.

[843] They go with you and they're polite and they're just fucking great.

[844] They're so awesome.

[845] They have a good sense of humor.

[846] How was the air quality when you were filming the hangover too?

[847] It's super bad there, right?

[848] That place smells.

[849] I'm not, I don't mean the Thai people are beautiful, wonderful people.

[850] But Bangkok and Thailand is beautiful.

[851] Bangkok, just by the nature.

[852] of the city and there's a it smells like garlic soup it smells like a big i was on the top of my hotel and i was like that well Bangkok smells a lot a lot like fish and garlic and soup if you mix that together so people like it that's not my thing right they're great people the ties are fucking awesome how long were you there for the only country never been colonized by the way at war yeah Thailand is the only country well you can make the argument for vietnam but they've gone through somebody worst fighting for their independence.

[853] They're badass people.

[854] But the ties somehow are always able to compromise and find a way to be just in the middle.

[855] Think about Indochina in that area and how fucking incredibly volatile it always been.

[856] The Chinese were always invading Vietnam.

[857] That whole part was just life was always hard.

[858] Vietnamese are tough fucking people because their history has been a thousand years of keeping people out of their fucking country.

[859] The French, the Chinese, the Americans, they just never gave up.

[860] When you look at fucking ties, somehow, somehow they were able to just keep everything real kosher.

[861] They just played the road.

[862] They were like, hey, America, we're your friends, but not really good friends.

[863] Hey, Russia, you guys were like, fuck our girls.

[864] We got great food, beautiful women, the weather's great.

[865] Come on in.

[866] It's a wild culture, too, though.

[867] The Moitai fights, the Moitai fights in Thailand really are like those old Van Dan movies.

[868] Dude, they're badass people, man. Waving cash in the air and gambling.

[869] They're tough.

[870] They're no. joke, but they're really good at being communal.

[871] I think at the root of Thai culture is this notion of being able to compromise and negotiate.

[872] And not spoiling, not taking the fucking chessboard thrown in the air.

[873] Just let's just, let's keep playing.

[874] I lost a little bit, but it's not just a battle.

[875] The war itself is there is no war.

[876] It's a beautiful way of looking at life.

[877] They're not too competitive about shit.

[878] They have a king still, right?

[879] And you can't shit on the king.

[880] Well, the king is the one place.

[881] Thailand is an incredibly liberal place.

[882] And I did a little reading on a culture and stuff, and it's a very liberal place.

[883] But the one thing that they never, they have no sense of humor about is their king.

[884] Really?

[885] And the reason is because there's a, there's a form of superstition.

[886] It's what a lot of people, they're very superstitious about their king.

[887] Their king is considered to be a semi -deity.

[888] And they take that shit seriously.

[889] And I was there I don't know what the holiday was, but it was a time when you were supposed to give alms to the king.

[890] And it was a religious ceremony.

[891] and they would walk by and all of them would put their hands together even people on the street would walk by this golden shrine and put their hands together and bow So it might be one of the last cultures on earth that feels that way about their king I mean you know like North Korea North Korea is under a dictatorship that's terrifying The Tibetans have this notion that the Dalai Lama is That's a little different too Right yeah because that's a religious thing Yeah but this is also a little bit as well I think so very much so Wow does the king do shady shit?

[892] No no the king from what I understand, his son is a little bit different and his son has fallen a little bit out of favor with the people.

[893] He's a playboy and his product of just, you know, having a lot of money.

[894] But his dad, his dad is, and by the way, I mean, his son was, you don't hear bad things about his son, but his father was always this sort of sober, staid presence.

[895] And he's just having a good time.

[896] He, not really.

[897] He took it, yeah, but even that kid, they take their role as a symbol very, very seriously and they know how important and how how important a symbol they are to sort of uh you know the notion that we are we are what you should aspire to which is you know being conservative like a lot of things about the Thai women like people think well because there are a lot of like strip clubs and there's a big sex trade there that Thai women are loose absolutely not in fact in Thai culture women are they're it's not like you just go fuck a lot of people at all they're very conservative in their own families and as a group of people.

[898] I've talked to a lot of Thai people about that and women who are there who are working and stuff.

[899] She's like, it's a huge misconception, the notion that you can just meet a Thai girl and get Ben Bang.

[900] So it's just the prostitutes are so prevalent.

[901] Yeah, well, because they make it legal.

[902] They don't try to control it.

[903] And they zone it.

[904] There's a red light district where I spend all my time.

[905] And they have numbers and it's and you know, you can, for $19 dollars you can you can pay the bar fine where the fuck it is 60 bucks you can bring them back it's all very cheap but you see these like disgusting fat barnacle ridden german tourists who are 60 with this like you know 15 year old farm girl from the north of thailand or cambodia or vietnam and uh and it's not a it's not a sinful thing in their culture no it's it's almost like um i'm gonna i'm gonna help this person uh it's like i'm gonna give them a massage yeah And by the way, I think a huge strength of the Thai people also is the notion that there's a lot of power and strength in giving.

[906] There's a lot of power and strength in being subservient and making you feel welcome and have a good time.

[907] Dude, I'm fucking moving to Thailand.

[908] I'm ready.

[909] I'll tell you something.

[910] If I was an old single dude who would just like to watch kickboxing, I'd fucking move to Thailand.

[911] If I didn't have any friends.

[912] I heard the air quality is so bad that you can't walk around without one of those masks.

[913] But you don't have to live in Bangkok.

[914] No, you live in Pouquet in those places in Bali.

[915] Is Pouquet cool?

[916] I thought about going there on vacation.

[917] I've never been.

[918] There's Tiger Muay there.

[919] I'm like, how cool would it be to go on vacation, just train Muay for like a week?

[920] It's beautiful.

[921] Just hang out in Thailand.

[922] It's probably some of the best scuba diving in the world.

[923] Is it safe for tourists and everything?

[924] That's the other thing about Taiwan.

[925] Even Bangkok?

[926] It's incredibly safe.

[927] Even Bangkok?

[928] Bangkok, you know, I mean, it's a huge city.

[929] I never once heard anybody tell me you shouldn't walk around.

[930] I walked around everywhere.

[931] You can go everywhere.

[932] You know, all the Zach and all the Zach Alfman.

[933] Clearly they had never seen Mad TV.

[934] That's exactly.

[935] I got recognized, I had my feet massage, that's it, that's it, then I got joked up.

[936] Two girls, four men's.

[937] Dix and feet, I just brought it back, see it's full circle.

[938] Does anybody want a coconut water?

[939] Yeah, thank you C2O for sending me some cases.

[940] I appreciate it.

[941] Oh, you're lucky.

[942] All right.

[943] But you got what?

[944] I love coconut water.

[945] Two girls, four.

[946] Speaking of Thailand.

[947] You went silent just to, he stopped talking.

[948] He saw the coconut water, you stopped talking.

[949] Yeah, C2O, folks.

[950] It is the shit.

[951] What was the nature of your stay?

[952] You were filming the hangover to, and for how long were you there?

[953] I was there for almost two weeks.

[954] I stayed at the four seasons.

[955] Thank you very much.

[956] In a huge sweep.

[957] Like a player.

[958] When you do a movie like that?

[959] Were you by yourself?

[960] You didn't fly your family out?

[961] No, I was just by myself, man. Two weeks, man. That's a long time.

[962] Yeah, it's a long time.

[963] Yeah, it always used me out when I'm away.

[964] But I don't really like traveling.

[965] I did so much of it as a kid that I just, you know, I've had opportunity to go to South Africa.

[966] Well, you lived in the Middle East.

[967] Yep, I did.

[968] This is something I wanted to talk to you about because I wanted to know if you remember the place that you were when you heard the news that the prince was wed.

[969] That the prince was wet.

[970] I can't believe you just said that because that was probably the highlight of my life and I was sleeping.

[971] I'm kidding.

[972] I wasn't.

[973] Of course it wasn't.

[974] This woman said to me, happened at 2 in the morning.

[975] This woman said to me, like, I bet you didn't even watch.

[976] You didn't even watch the thing.

[977] I go, no, I didn't.

[978] I didn't watch the thing.

[979] No, I'm straight and I'm a man. Did she's just the way it is?

[980] I said this woman actually was.

[981] my mom.

[982] I'm trying to figure who said it to me. Because you ever, you know how someone says something?

[983] You're going to go, who the fuck said that?

[984] Because it was like, in my mind, it was like this older woman.

[985] Why am I talking to her?

[986] She's at a store?

[987] Oh, it's my mom.

[988] My mom was just here.

[989] Sorry, we.

[990] I'd love to be the prince.

[991] I'll tell you, if I was a good looking guy like he was, I wouldn't be getting fucking married.

[992] Yeah, he's got to.

[993] I just be a fucking dirty bastard.

[994] He's got to do what he's got to do, though, you know?

[995] But anyway, my mom said, uh, you didn't watch it, did you?

[996] I go, no. And she says, well, these gay folks that live down the street from us, they had a big party.

[997] they had a big party for the prince like really how awesome is that she goes it was hilarious she goes they were talking about her dress and her shoes and they all got excited they had like 50 people over the house watching the wedding on tv they got up early wow yeah because it's live it's different times god bless yeah they're fucking so crazy they're like 10 hours ahead of us or something at least right eight eight hours ahead of us you've been following all this osama shit like oh asama grew weed on his on his farm and he did grow weed but that's super common in the Middle East.

[998] Did you see the video that they released yesterday, I think, that they released all these, like, home videos that they found at the compound?

[999] They're suspect because, you know, the CIA has admitted that they were going to make fake news stories.

[1000] Yeah, but I don't believe that this fake at all.

[1001] Okay, but hold on a second.

[1002] The CIA has admitted in several times that they were going to make fake news stories.

[1003] This is after 9 -11, and they said to throw off the terrorists, they were going to make fake news stories.

[1004] As soon as they start saying, they'll let you everybody know, we're going to lie to you.

[1005] The depths of their lies is only in your imagination.

[1006] Who the fuck knows?

[1007] I mean, when you see him and he's got, like, his beard has dyed black, and then you see other videos of him and his beard is white, I don't buy that.

[1008] But hold on a second.

[1009] This is why I don't buy that.

[1010] It's because there right now will absolutely be an active campaign to discredit him.

[1011] If they have murdered him, if they did shoot Osama bin Laden and he was unarmed, they will discredit him.

[1012] And one of the ways they're going to discredit him is to make him look vain.

[1013] And to make him look like he's a crazy dictator who's, you know, living in squalor, like he's an insane person.

[1014] So if you show pictures of his head.

[1015] house and his house is all fucked up in disarray and there's blood all over the place and there's just garbage everywhere and then you saw pictures of his beard and it's black he looks like a nutty man do you see the video of him they're just watching tv though yeah but how do you know that's him that could be anybody he's got a white beard in that video by the way anybody who talks about conspiracy and the idea that this might be a fake story anybody take a look at how the u .s. government works take a look at for example how these operations work let me tell you something when you do a, when you do a major operation like that, you've got SEAL Team 6, first of all, it's got to go through all kinds of civilian channels right away.

[1016] And they have to be privy to all kinds of information, not to mention the Security Council and everything else.

[1017] If you take a look at, and I'm talking about the hundred people at least who have top secret clearance, who all have different agendas, and have no interest in glorifying Barack Obama at all, a lot of those people.

[1018] All of them, I mean, the idea that you could ever pull off this, this fake assassination of Osama bin Laden after we've been trying to get him for this long is it wouldn't work even in a Hollywood movie and when you talk about fake stories what the CIA was doing with those fake stories was they were leaking them it's true to on Al Jazeera and things like that but mainly what they would do is they want to get information out of you and you're a young man who believes in your iman and you got captured they'll show you a fake headline of the New York Times and they'll say look what happened all your guys have been killed and all of them are singing like canary They used all kinds of techniques like that.

[1019] There's no doubt that you don't want to trust the CIA, but what's wonderful about our government, and this is just a fact, is any time you try to keep a secret or come up with a huge conspiracy like this, you're dealing with 16 other people who have a totally different agenda who want nothing more than to expose you.

[1020] And any time you have a group of people, whether it's Kissinger and Nixon or whoever, who try to come up with their own agenda to steer foreign policy, or my God, come up with a way to glorify their people, president, which is what this did for the Democrats, and I'll tell you something, the Republicans are going to have, they can no longer use the notion that Obama is weak on terrorism for this upcoming election.

[1021] So I can promise you, there were plenty of Republicans who would have loved to have taken credit for this.

[1022] You'd have to go through, it'd be basically impossible.

[1023] I mean, you can't, and by the way, launching a team like SEAL Team 6, that was so, what was interesting about this was it was so risky for the president.

[1024] That notion, here's why, if you're young and you don't vote.

[1025] This is why, forget the platform you're on, whether you're Republican or Democrat.

[1026] When you vote for a president, make sure that guy has wisdom.

[1027] Make sure that guy is an intellect and he has wisdom.

[1028] And here's why.

[1029] When you're the president of United States, you have very little power, but you also have a great deal of power.

[1030] And this is how it works.

[1031] They come to you with six different scenarios.

[1032] And they say, Mr. President, we have a lot of intelligence to suggest that Osama bin Laden, who's been protected by the ISI and whoever it is in Pakistan, he is living in a compound.

[1033] Now, we could drop, here was one of the options.

[1034] We could drop 60 ,000 pounds worth of bombs on that and create a crater and comb the place for DNA and see if it really was him.

[1035] Or, we can send in a crack commando team like SEAL Team 6 and take this guy out.

[1036] Why is that risky?

[1037] Well, here's why.

[1038] A couple reasons.

[1039] You're sending in a team.

[1040] It is a third of a mile or something crazy or three miles less away from what Pakistan's West Point is, this huge military facility.

[1041] They're going to scramble jets, which they did, and a whole bunch of other things, the minute they start hearing gunshots right in their quarter.

[1042] And by the way, there are a lot of people in the military who probably know he's already there anyway.

[1043] So we send on our team.

[1044] If Americans die and we fail at this, or our helicopter stalls, which it did, you are taking, you can say goodbye to your fucking, your election.

[1045] So you had all those guys in that war room, Hillary Clinton and Gates.

[1046] Hillary wasn't there.

[1047] I see the news headline.

[1048] She was photoshopped out of the pitcher.

[1049] It's photoshopped her out?

[1050] I'll take a couple countries photoshopped her out of it.

[1051] That's funny because she's a woman.

[1052] But the bottom line is you see all these people, including Obama, sitting there with incredibly tense faces.

[1053] And he took the weekend to think about whether or not to move in on that.

[1054] And that's where the responsibility of the president really gets that kind of a control.

[1055] I know he does.

[1056] How do you know he does?

[1057] How can you say that?

[1058] I read American history.

[1059] He's going to hangover too.

[1060] No, no. Read any biography from a president.

[1061] Do you think that, do you really think that there's one guy that gets to make the call?

[1062] He has.

[1063] That is how our government.

[1064] works.

[1065] The final, the commander -in -chief makes the final decision when you give him four or five, six, seven scenarios.

[1066] And by the way, those scenarios come from the Department of Defense, Pentagon, State Department.

[1067] They come from your Secretary of State.

[1068] They come from your CIA director.

[1069] So literally, there is no military industrial complex.

[1070] There's one guy that's got his finger at the button.

[1071] He's able to push all the switches.

[1072] That's not what I said.

[1073] What I said is that he gets to make the call.

[1074] The military industrial complex is so many competing interests as well.

[1075] But it is true that there's a lot of profit in war, but there's also a lot of risk in war.

[1076] I agree with everything you said.

[1077] I agree with everything you said about the SEAL Team 6, the baddest motherfuckers in the world.

[1078] These are the guys that, by the way, if you don't know, being a SEAL is incredibly difficult.

[1079] Then they take the best of the SEALs and 50 fucking percent of them wash out because they can't handle what it takes to be in SEAL Team 6.

[1080] I mean, I've read the Dick Marchenko books and all the...

[1081] Dude, they're on another level of human being.

[1082] They're on another level of human being.

[1083] Bossruton was telling me how he trains the SEAL Team 6, and there's a record they had for running up and down this hill.

[1084] Mark Hominak had it.

[1085] He ran up and down Hill four times.

[1086] It's a huge hill.

[1087] The SEAL team's guys, they did it 12 times and Boss had to stop them because he thought they were going to die.

[1088] They're on another level.

[1089] They're on another level.

[1090] And yeah, and they're not going to do, they all have different agendas.

[1091] But the bottom line is the government has lied about a bunch of stories like this in the past.

[1092] Jessica Lynch is a perfect example.

[1093] There's a woman that was, she was inside of a fucking hospital and they pretended there was this crazy gunfight to get her out and rescue her from the Iraqis.

[1094] And what really turned out was it was just a girl in a hospital.

[1095] And there was no bullet shot at all.

[1096] To your point, and what you just said, let me piggyback on that.

[1097] Exactly.

[1098] Now, it would have been in our interest.

[1099] It would have been very much in our interest to say, Osama bin Laden had a machine gun and was shooting at us.

[1100] And you know what happened within hours as the story started unfolding?

[1101] The truth came out.

[1102] And you know what that was?

[1103] A woman was in front of him.

[1104] She charged, the guy shot her in the leg.

[1105] And Obama, I mean, Osama was not armed yet the guy shot him in the head.

[1106] Now, let me tell you, that's been a question.

[1107] and Bang Simun, I think, of the Secretary General of the United Nations came out and said, well, you know, there was no trial.

[1108] That's a bit barbaric.

[1109] I don't know if that was who said it.

[1110] But there was a lot of backlash and said the guy was unarmed.

[1111] Why the fuck didn't you arrest him instead of shoot him?

[1112] And by the way, when they shot him, they had a picture.

[1113] The picture had, the reason they haven't released it is because part of his skull got blown away.

[1114] Now, what they do, which is really interesting.

[1115] Why don't they just Photoshop that out?

[1116] Blurred that out and release the picture.

[1117] Put a kitten on it.

[1118] Brian style.

[1119] Here's what they did.

[1120] Here's what they did.

[1121] When the SEAL team, how about this guy?

[1122] He shoots Osama bin Laden in the head.

[1123] He takes a picture of it.

[1124] He faxes.

[1125] He scans and sends that to the office where they're all there.

[1126] All these people are there.

[1127] They get this picture of Osama bin Laden's face.

[1128] How do you know what's his?

[1129] They put it through a facial recognition scan right away, which is about as they take the geometric proportions where your nose, your eyes.

[1130] It's like a fingerprint.

[1131] And they go, guess what?

[1132] That's a match.

[1133] That's Osama bin Laden.

[1134] Then they take DNA as well.

[1135] Then they got the body.

[1136] And you know how many people saw his body?

[1137] Probably literally 100.

[1138] All the SEAL team guys, all those people on that ship that dressed the body that read the rights and then dumped him at sea, which according to Islamic law, you got to bury a body 24 hours after it's been killed.

[1139] Yeah, but not supposed to be at sea.

[1140] Well, the reason they did it at sea is because no country, including Saudi Arabia where he's from, would take that body.

[1141] Right, because then it would be a martyr and it would be a shrine.

[1142] And Doug Stanhope had a great point.

[1143] He said, how come these, they identified his body within an hour?

[1144] Yet it takes these poor fucking guys that are wrongly accused 30 years to get a DNA match to get out of prison.

[1145] It's so true.

[1146] Doug Stanhope was amazing.

[1147] It's so true.

[1148] But you know, this is a perfect point?

[1149] I mean, what the fuck, man?

[1150] Is it really that important to kill some guy living in squalor?

[1151] I mean, is it that much more important than rescuing citizens that are wrongly accused?

[1152] It's a good question, Joe, because it also raises, this assassination raises a fuckload of questions, one of which is, now that we've gotten the big name, do you have a justification for being in Afghanistan?

[1153] No, you don't.

[1154] You never did in the first place.

[1155] Listen, man, we're in Afghanistan for minerals and probably heroin.

[1156] That's what we're Afghanistan for.

[1157] The Taliban had dropped heroin production down to minuscule levels.

[1158] Now the United States is over there and we produce shit.

[1159] More than 90 % of the world's heroin in Afghanistan.

[1160] More than 90 % of the world's everyone has grown.

[1161] That's, the world is big.

[1162] The world is big as fuck.

[1163] And if 90 % of the Viagra was grown in one little village, guess what?

[1164] We would infiltrate that culture.

[1165] We would find a way to corrupt them and turn them into terrorism.

[1166] We would have them attack ships or blow things up.

[1167] And then we'd use that as an excuse to go in and jack their Viagra.

[1168] That's what we would do.

[1169] Because that's what we've done forever.

[1170] That's what we do.

[1171] If Viagra was, look, dude, hard dick pills are very fucking valuable, right?

[1172] If you didn't exist.

[1173] The Chinese would kill lions and lie tigers and get their laws.

[1174] In Afghanistan, in Afghanistan, the number one way that they bribe warlords, because if you don't know, the way Afghanistan is structured today in 2011, the reason why it's an unwinnable country and an unwinnable war, because it's not a country.

[1175] It's a series of warlords that are all kind of interconnected, and they all live in these villages.

[1176] Always has been.

[1177] Yeah, always has been.

[1178] And it's not going to change.

[1179] The way they get them to rattle on the Taliban is they give them Viagra.

[1180] That's the number one way.

[1181] Yes.

[1182] Yes.

[1183] They sit them down.

[1184] I didn't know that.

[1185] Yes.

[1186] The government sits them down and they say, listen, we'll get you guns.

[1187] I have guns.

[1188] Get them out of here.

[1189] We'll give you women.

[1190] I have 20 wives.

[1191] I can't even fuck them.

[1192] We can help you there.

[1193] That's what it is.

[1194] You know what?

[1195] I was there for 11 days.

[1196] And one of the things that starts the Marines, you know what?

[1197] You know what's huge in Afghanistan?

[1198] Fucking boys.

[1199] No, well, no. Yeah, right?

[1200] Isn't it?

[1201] Well, well.

[1202] That's a lot of these with the forum said.

[1203] No, I don't know.

[1204] No, that's true.

[1205] No, that's true, man. I have a friend who went over there.

[1206] He caught a guy fucking a boy.

[1207] They all have satellite dishes.

[1208] They have satellite dishes.

[1209] and satellite dishes bring them porn.

[1210] Oh, nice.

[1211] And porn is fucking huge.

[1212] Because we're all humans.

[1213] We all want to fucking bang.

[1214] It's funny.

[1215] There was some, you know, everyone keeps on, all these Osama stories are coming out.

[1216] And they're saying, like, people are saying that Osama was a huge video gamer that he used to play guitar hero.

[1217] And so it's like all these bullshit stories now are coming out.

[1218] He would have his children.

[1219] Yeah, we'd see the one guy I said he was a black belt and judo and he had photos of him.

[1220] I do want to smoke his weed, though.

[1221] I bet he's got some killer crafts.

[1222] Joey Diaz.

[1223] Osama bin Laden would listen to the Huse.

[1224] He'd have his children stand by the TV and when the music part would come off.

[1225] Come on, they would turn it down because he didn't, it wasn't, he didn't want to listen to music, it would corrupt him.

[1226] That's how fucking crazy he was.

[1227] What a silly fuck.

[1228] The crazy thing is that he used to work for us.

[1229] He used to be down with the CIA when we were training the Mujahideen to fight against the Soviets.

[1230] That motherfucker was down in America.

[1231] He wasn't actually, he never took a paycheck from the CIA, but he did, he was, he did himself open a lot of hospitals with his own money and things like that during the Mujahid, during when the Soviets were invading and colonizing, trying to colonize Afghanistan.

[1232] If you were going to have a story that was going to, I mean, again, you know, the view that the world is a theater played out for your own enjoyment.

[1233] If you were going to have this story come to any conclusion, this is the best conclusion ever, okay?

[1234] Because if this was a fucking movie, all right?

[1235] If this was the Hulk and the bad guy and just died mysteriously, then they dumped him and see, they'd go, okay.

[1236] And you'd buckle up and the credits would roll and you go, fucking for sure there's going to be a sequel.

[1237] For sure.

[1238] That guy's coming back.

[1239] They dumped him.

[1240] And then they're going to show you how he didn't really die.

[1241] And then they snuck him out the back and shot some other guy in the head and said it was him.

[1242] Even the assassination was pretty badass, man. They had to come in there with three helicopters.

[1243] Sure.

[1244] If it really happened that way.

[1245] When you hear about the Jessica Lynch story, you have to wonder, man. You have to wonder how much of this story is true and how much of it is not.

[1246] Is it possible that they storm this fucking compound?

[1247] There are a bunch of Islamic militants.

[1248] there are a bunch of bad guys they were looking for it they they capped these motherfuckers but there's no bin laden they say all right here's what we do we know what we're doing here we're going to take bin laden we've had them on ice for five years and we're going to say we shot them and we're going to fuck these guys up we're going to fuck up their mindset and they're going to go he wasn't there we've been looking for him he's not we've been telling them this whole time yeah they're they're fucking hiding bin laden and that's why we need to go to pakistan with these drones and shoot hellfire missiles out of these drones to the mountain side to fuck all these people up it's because they've got bin laden meanwhile they're like He's fucking dead.

[1249] We're telling you, Bin Laden's been dead forever.

[1250] I haven't seen him.

[1251] Have you seen him?

[1252] I haven't seen him.

[1253] I think it actually puts the U .S. in a really tough position because now you've got a lot of people asking very tough questions of Pakistan saying you guys didn't know he was there.

[1254] And Pakistan has been our ally, for the most part.

[1255] They're not really, but they've essentially been our ally because we need them.

[1256] A lot of our...

[1257] Well, they're friends we pay.

[1258] We pay them to be our friends.

[1259] But the most dangerous country in the world in a lot of ways is Pakistan.

[1260] They have 100 nuclear weapons and growing.

[1261] And they've already given...

[1262] that technology already to Libya, North Korea, and who the fuck else, one other people, one other person, one of the group of people.

[1263] And to this guy, AQ Khan, they had complicity with the Pakistani military.

[1264] And there's no doubt that Pakistan has its own agenda.

[1265] They're fucking, they're terrified of India.

[1266] They use, see, here's the thing about foreign policy nobody thinks about.

[1267] We have our agenda, right?

[1268] We go on with, well, we're going to go in Afghanistan.

[1269] The motherfuckers that live there and around there, and they go, you guys are be gone in 10 years.

[1270] We got to deal with what's really going on.

[1271] So you want us to be mean to the quote -unquote Taliban, like you said.

[1272] You know what the Taliban is?

[1273] It's the dude with the biggest fucking guns and the most drugs, okay?

[1274] That's who's going to be holding the cards after you guys leave?

[1275] So after your centralized government, that big experiment where you have democracy in a country that's always been a series of tribes, you're going to tell me that what are you going to do then?

[1276] We have to deal with that fucking mess.

[1277] We've got to deal with that lawless area, Waziristan, etc. And that's what's funny.

[1278] They kind of just wait and let us spend a shitload of money.

[1279] And then And they're like, oh, look, a vacuum, and they just fill it up, and it goes back to normal.

[1280] That's the fucking tough thing about foreign policy, man. Yeah, it's a, it's a very tricky thing, man. It's a very tricky thing to go nation -building.

[1281] It's a game, isn't it?

[1282] Yeah, well, it's - Nation -building is a dumbest idea.

[1283] It's a resource game.

[1284] It's so clearly a resource game, because here's our biggest fucking physical threat of safety.

[1285] You ready?

[1286] Mexico.

[1287] It's right next door.

[1288] You can fucking drive there.

[1289] Life is worth a nickel.

[1290] And everyone's selling drugs It goes back to what you said How we started this podcast You said telling your daughter To do one thing she does the other You think you can nation build At the point from the barrel of a gun You think you can do that You're going to tell people how to behave The minute you come in there And you're a foreigner Who doesn't speak their language And you're telling them how to fucking live What do people do?

[1291] The minute they do that They go get the fuck out of here And if I can't shoot you I'm just going to keep my mouth shut And when you're gone When you're fucking gone I'm going to do whatever I want I'm going to do what I'm supposed to And we only go places where there's something.

[1292] That's the only place where we go.

[1293] We pretend that there's these big issues.

[1294] It's just like I said about the country of Pfizer that produces Viagra.

[1295] If there was such a little land that produced Viagra, we would fucking steal from them.

[1296] We would rob them.

[1297] Mexico's got tacos and tacos aren't worth that much.

[1298] I believe that the only thing that has resilience, the only thing that has resilience don't hate Mexicans.

[1299] The only thing that changes anything in life and the only thing that has resilience is ideas.

[1300] An idea is very powerful.

[1301] When an idea takes hold, like the Constitution of this country or whatever, when an idea takes hold, if an idea called democracy takes hold, it'll fucking change and bring down military dictatorships.

[1302] Take a look at fucking all of South America.

[1303] It was all military dictatorships.

[1304] 20 years, the notion of democracy, even as messy as it is, took hold.

[1305] It was an idea that you just couldn't fucking argue with.

[1306] That's, by the way, what's going on in the Middle East.

[1307] This spring awakening with all these young people who could give a shit about Islam, what they really care about, is having a better life for themselves and their kids, and they want education and freedom of speech and representative government which are human fucking rights you try keeping that now that's out of the box just try good luck to all the Gaddafi and all his assholes good luck trying to keep that a lid on that shit you're not going to do it because that's caught fire and they've seen how the rest of the world lives they can see it with their computers and their cell phones and you're never going to be able to keep the fucking truth down the two places you came to it in Cuba one the final vestige of that is North Korea and those people suffer so hard It's sick, but that's the one place in the world that's still somehow this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, there is a, like we were saying, there is a solution of freedom, isn't there.

[1308] overthrow Libya, and this was in 2007.

[1309] It's true, but, you know, this spring awakening really actually caught a lot of people on their heels, and especially a lot of Middle East experts, because...

[1310] Well, I think all you need to do is push it, and then it goes.

[1311] Well, you know how it happened?

[1312] In Tunisia, a vegetable cart guy got these...

[1313] Government officials came, and they...

[1314] This is how the whole revolution started.

[1315] These government guys said, where's your license?

[1316] He didn't have a fucking license.

[1317] They threw his scales in the street, and they took his fruit and smashed it.

[1318] You know what he did?

[1319] He fucking lit himself on fire.

[1320] Whoa.

[1321] And he lit himself on fire in protest.

[1322] And that that proverbial match set off a fire across the Middle East.

[1323] And this is the Egyptians.

[1324] This is the Tunisians.

[1325] And the Tunisians brought down a dictator who I believe had been in power for 25 years.

[1326] He came down.

[1327] His name is, his last name is Ali.

[1328] And they brought that motherfucker down.

[1329] They brought that whole government down because that kid lit himself on fire.

[1330] And then it caught fire in Egypt.

[1331] Take a look at Syria.

[1332] Take a look at what Bashar Assad is trying to do in Syria right now.

[1333] They're being brutal because they're fucking awful.

[1334] But thousands of people, thousands of people are in the fucking streets.

[1335] And it's like the French Revolution.

[1336] History keeps repeating itself.

[1337] How much of it you think is orchestrated?

[1338] How much of this is just natural that people are tired of being fucked with?

[1339] And how much do you think is the United States?

[1340] I think very little has to do with the United States.

[1341] In fact, the U .S. doesn't, we can't even get our reporters into Syria.

[1342] We can't even get reported.

[1343] Right.

[1344] When you hear a guy like Wesley Clark who's a fucking, what is he, a four -star general running for president.

[1345] He says that the United States had been plotting this COVID operations.

[1346] We'd always been.

[1347] So they must have some influence on it.

[1348] I think in the sense that we're trying to, well, I mean, the influence we had, for example, in Libya, was that we, along with our NATO allies, said, we can't allow the Libyan military to fly over these rebel strongholds in these towns and just carpet bomb the fuck out of them and shoot them.

[1349] we got to create a no -fly zone around these people so in that sense we did get militarily involved it was very controversial it still is very controversial but you know to an extent i think that democratic countries starting with europe and this was actually led by europe uh they they say what is in our national interest is it is it still in our national interest for Gaddafi or Mubarak in Egypt who had been there for 30 years is it in our national interest for that guy to be in power.

[1350] There is a convenience when Mubarak is in power and you say, you can make a phone call to Mubarak and say, hey, you got to cooperate with Israel because it's in our national interest.

[1351] Well, that's no longer the case.

[1352] It's a different fucking ballgame now.

[1353] It's a different ballgame.

[1354] You're having to deal with the Arab Street.

[1355] You're having to deal with the will of the people.

[1356] And that's going to be very interesting to see how it plays out.

[1357] That's what democracy is.

[1358] Yeah.

[1359] I literally feel like I'm on a political talk show.

[1360] I'm actually starting to talk that way.

[1361] So anyway, for the more, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[1362] You know, when you read shit like confessions of an economic hitman and, you know, you see that we go only into countries that have massive natural resources that we want to stockpile and control, it makes you very skeptical about motivation.

[1363] It makes you very skeptical when you see all the money that people spend on war.

[1364] And I'm not pro -socialists, but I am pro -fixing problems.

[1365] And I think I don't believe necessarily in welfare.

[1366] I don't believe that if you give people money that you're going to somehow or another improve their life because they were broke and now you give them money and now everything's going to be great.

[1367] No, because you're going to develop a whole culture that expects to get a check for nothing.

[1368] And then when you have that, you have no motivation, you have no work ethic, you have no enjoyment and satisfaction, you have no productivity.

[1369] But I am for fixing schools.

[1370] I am for trying to develop human beings that are going to contribute.

[1371] And I think as a society and as a community and as a culture, that's one of the most important things we can do.

[1372] Yet, we ignore that.

[1373] We all know this and we ignore that and concentrate on boogeymen on the other side of the fucking planet, where it's quite obvious that this is this transparent game going on where these boogeymen just so happen to only be where the gas is.

[1374] They just so happen to only be where the oil is.

[1375] They just so happen to only be where the heroin is.

[1376] I mean, it's not that cut and dry.

[1377] It's not.

[1378] But I think also that the other question, raised is that anytime you have a country with a lot of natural resources, let's just take oil, which is traded openly on the world market, and that none of us would go anywhere without oil.

[1379] Okay, we all need it.

[1380] If you look at the history of oil, I'm not an expert on the history of oil.

[1381] I did live in Saudi Arabia for three years, but you look at the history of oil, you look in the Middle East, which was strategic because of that resource.

[1382] The Soviets and the Americans were obviously always fighting over who had control of that.

[1383] The Arabs, for the most part, created a little something called OPEC and said, fuck, both you guys, we're going to, we're going to start, we're going to start controlling our own idea.

[1384] But the idea of pan -Arabism, which is the notion that all the Arabs, that's what Saddam was saying, those guys, and Abdel Nasser in Egypt try to do, they try to bring all the Arabs together under one banner.

[1385] You're never going to do that because people are nationalistic.

[1386] People go, I'm Libyan first, I'm not Arab, I'm Libyan, I'm Egyptian, you know.

[1387] Right.

[1388] And it just never worked.

[1389] But, but you look at how there was so much, there was so much involvement and vying for those resources between two, superpowers that of course of course shit is going to get crazy of course when Saddam Hussein makes a huge mistake and invades Kuwait and we come to his we not only come to his rescue but we use Saudi Arabia the land of Muhammad where Islam started and we're launching planes out of Saudi Arabia to kill other Muslims for a guy like Osama bin Laden that was the equivalent of slaughtering pigs in a synagogue for those guys they were like you're out of your fucking mind we're now the the imperialists, whatever you want to call them, are actually killing Muslims from the original Caliphate state.

[1390] And that was one of the things that radicalized him.

[1391] These are the kinds of things that, you're right.

[1392] I mean, there's always, the CIA has an idea.

[1393] They want to do something.

[1394] But when you say we, by the way, again, it's a lot of different people in a room that come up with an idea.

[1395] But let's just say, let's just simplify it and say the CIA or the U .S. government at the time.

[1396] They say, we want this.

[1397] This is our agenda.

[1398] one thing that they always talk about is there's always circumstances that unfold that none of us had any fucking idea would happen.

[1399] It seems to be that's the way life is.

[1400] You got one plan and everything goes to shit.

[1401] You know, I mean, you could make the argument, by the way, that the idea that we killed Osama bin Laden has raised a whole bunch of questions a lot of people don't want to answer from a political point of view.

[1402] So, you know, this is a, and so it goes.

[1403] It's a verb.

[1404] What I was, my point was, not that why do we go to war?

[1405] Why don't we spend money on the things that we really need to spend money on?

[1406] Why do we spend all this money on war?

[1407] My answer is we do.

[1408] We don't spend nearly enough, dude.

[1409] There's massive school cuts right now.

[1410] That raises a question.

[1411] Massive, massive school cuts right now.

[1412] There's fucking no community centers in these bad neighborhoods.

[1413] There's no guides.

[1414] There's no counseling.

[1415] If you wanted to look at the one huge problem that we have, it's babies and children growing up and becoming shitty human beings because there's not getting any help.

[1416] And we're not putting money in that at all.

[1417] The disproportionate amount of money we put in the military budget and compared to how we treat children in this country and raise kids and work on terrible communities and work on educating and getting people out of bad situations and you say, oh, well, you know, they're going to figure it out on their own.

[1418] You don't have a fucking clue what kind of a disproportionate life you would be living if you were born in the ghetto.

[1419] If you've ever been around the projects, if you've ever been around terrible neighborhoods, I never lived in a really bad neighborhood, but I lived in Jamaica Plain in Boston, and it wasn't good by any of the United States.

[1420] stretch the imagination.

[1421] And there was a lot of really poor people around me, but we would go into really bad neighborhoods.

[1422] We would go to buy pot.

[1423] We would go to do different shit.

[1424] We would go just because it was dangerous.

[1425] We were young kids.

[1426] We were close to bad neighborhoods.

[1427] There's people living in it in ways that you can't even wrap your fucking head around.

[1428] And there's not much ways out of there.

[1429] You're there and you go on.

[1430] Baltimore is a classic example.

[1431] How about fucking Detroit where 50 % of the people can't read?

[1432] It's unbelievable.

[1433] That's a real statistic that just came out.

[1434] It was actually 47%.

[1435] 47%.

[1436] You can't say, that that's an even playing field and you can't say that for the human race that doesn't need to be addressed and helped absolutely and it's not about getting welfare mother's money so they can keep shitting out kids it's about helping the fucking kids the welfare mother might already be fucked her programming might already be jacked she might already be on some downward you know addiction spiral who knows but you can help that kid but you know one of the things that's always raised with social scientists is they say there are a lot of cases in this country where you threw a lot of money at a problem let's take head starters and example and and and or or just a lot of a lot of money that bush spent on education which was a lot of money right over the past eight years why in the world didn't a lot of test scores in certain segments of society they didn't budge and sometimes they went they went down even you spend all that money those teachers aren't making shit you're spending the money the wrong way the money is being spent too much in this area then not that area and that's the challenge of a government that's the challenge of a bureaucracy you get your tax you have a lot of money trying to find out how to spend that money and where to spend that money has always been a very, a big challenge for any, the proportion of that money is the problem.

[1437] The proportion is tiny.

[1438] Compared to the problem, it's tiny.

[1439] The salaries that teachers get is unlivable.

[1440] And that is a really important part of being a human being.

[1441] If you look back on your teachers that you had and how much they influenced you and how much power they have over you, this is the person that stands in front of the class and tells you how the fucking world works.

[1442] And when you're a kid, that's a huge responsibility that many times is bestowed on idiots.

[1443] It's bestowed on idiots.

[1444] And they took this job because they couldn't get another job and they're fucking bitter and country.

[1445] By the way, try with the teachers unions and then just try getting, just try firing a teacher who has tenure because they've been teaching for three years in a lot of districts.

[1446] Just try now.

[1447] In high schools, they get tenure like that?

[1448] It's so hard to fire our teachers.

[1449] Yes.

[1450] It is so, well, there's a documentary for everybody who watched called Waiting for Superman, but forget that.

[1451] There's an article just now in the New York Times about trying to get, I think it was in the state of Ohio, just trying to get one law passed, one law, one law that makes it, you know, harder for a teacher to get tenure or easier to hire a high -quality teacher in place of someone who's not performing.

[1452] You are dealing with fucking 65 different interests with a lot of lobbying power, starting with the teachers union that also then has a subsidiary called the Chicago Teachers Union, that has a subsidiary called the County Teachers Union.

[1453] And you're dealing with fucking, And the reality of trying to make a law go through, holy shit, man, holy shit.

[1454] Talk to a senator sometime.

[1455] Say, hey, I want to get a law passed, and it's a simple one.

[1456] Talk to him and see how long it takes and how many years and how many people you've got to pay off and how many people you've got to convince that their interests.

[1457] How many interests?

[1458] Yeah, because a lot of people go, the problem with the law is two things.

[1459] You pass the law.

[1460] It does one thing.

[1461] It puts a whole bunch of people out of business and a whole bunch of other people in business.

[1462] And any law you pass doesn't go away in this country.

[1463] And you know why?

[1464] Because a whole cottage industry grows up around that law.

[1465] That's why.

[1466] Oh, yeah.

[1467] We've talked about that many times, especially when he comes to drugs.

[1468] I mean, there's a reason why people are still trying to keep marijuana illegal.

[1469] Look, folks, we have more than 50 % of the people in prison today in this country are in prison for nonviolent drug offenses.

[1470] And there are a tremendous amount of private prisons in this country.

[1471] And it's a business.

[1472] And we have to wrap our heads around the fact that there's some sort of a creepy situation that's happened where there's a lot.

[1473] lot of money and keeping people in jail.

[1474] And because of that, make no doubt about it, the prison guard unions and all these, you know, various law enforcement unions, they are not lobbying to make marijuana illegal.

[1475] They don't want it at all because it's a part of their economy.

[1476] It's a part of their whole situation.

[1477] This is what happens in life is that, you know, a lot of people have a vested interest.

[1478] That's why being a politician or a president.

[1479] They're the old saying when you're a president, you make one decision, you make 50 % of the people happy and another 50 % of people out there hate your guts.

[1480] There's no way to avoid that when you have power.

[1481] Ten year for a teacher is almost it has some of the elements of intellectual welfare.

[1482] Absolutely.

[1483] It's a great way to put it.

[1484] That's a fucking great way to put it.

[1485] You know what I mean?

[1486] Wow.

[1487] It sounds like a good idea.

[1488] Like what you're going to do is you're going to make it so you can't get fired.

[1489] So you are allowed to be free with your ideas and you don't have to worry about the repercussions of your free thinking.

[1490] And this is going to promote thought.

[1491] But the problem with that is when you know that you can't get fired, you become a cunt.

[1492] And that's just what people do.

[1493] It's natural.

[1494] It's just like welfare.

[1495] I was doing stand -up in, I think it was Kansas City.

[1496] I talked to a principal that came to my show.

[1497] I said, give me your take on the education system.

[1498] And he said, education system's fine.

[1499] I said, what do you mean?

[1500] He goes, education, my school is amazing.

[1501] But you know what the problem is?

[1502] Parents.

[1503] A lot of parents suck.

[1504] They suck.

[1505] And a lot of it is this culture that doesn't put a premium on education in a lot of places.

[1506] The idea that you got to work your fucking ass off against, insurmountable odds for anything, all that stuff.

[1507] I mean, you know.

[1508] Well, kids, in where we live, there's an even trickier element.

[1509] There's this fucking weird escape clause where you can become famous for nothing, and then you get millions.

[1510] And so instead of working your ass off for almost nothing after taxes, you look at Kim Kardashian who just fuck somebody and makes a video of it, and then gets a TV show with a follow her around, she does nothing to contribute.

[1511] She's not saying anything, but yet she's making millions of dollars.

[1512] And good for her.

[1513] You know, I'm not hating on her.

[1514] Good for her.

[1515] but to kids that all of a sudden becomes this goal this weird fucking this weird like claws in the contract this weird little escape clause and a few people find it and they get through the system and all of a sudden look at this person making millions of dollars for kim carnashie made something like 60 million dollars last year it's like insane it's crazy money you know i mean she's in every time i go to the fucking airport and i throw my my keys in the bin i see her and some sketchers ad with her fat ass sticking out and she's wearing some sneakers it's supposed to make you face it's a great it's a great it's a great I like her ass, though, by the way.

[1516] I like her.

[1517] Is it even real?

[1518] Yeah, it is.

[1519] Is it totally real?

[1520] I believe her breasts are real, by the way.

[1521] Really?

[1522] I think you believe in Santa Claus too, motherfucker.

[1523] Listen, I...

[1524] That bitch is always getting her face carved up.

[1525] That is my type.

[1526] But she's always getting her face carved up.

[1527] Why would you...

[1528] Yes, she is.

[1529] There's been a bunch of photos.

[1530] I'm gonna go on record of saying she hasn't had any...

[1531] Kardashian.

[1532] You're crazy.

[1533] You haven't seen the photos?

[1534] No. Dude, you got to look online.

[1535] You're gonna make...

[1536] You made a mistake.

[1537] There's, her face all puffy and shit.

[1538] Looking like a cat woman.

[1539] I'm not listening.

[1540] It was like right after she had a procedure.

[1541] Come on.

[1542] Yes, without a doubt, man. Come on, I had to live in makeup.

[1543] I worked with her on how I met your mother.

[1544] What do I like you give a fuck where you work?

[1545] She looked more.

[1546] Listen, pal.

[1547] We talked.

[1548] This girl's had...

[1549] I had to start lying.

[1550] This girl has had plastic surgery without a doubt.

[1551] And, you know, whatever, man. I mean, if that's your business, your business is staying hot, I guess what you got to do, what you got to do.

[1552] She's only like 26, right?

[1553] She's fine.

[1554] She's delicious.

[1555] You like that?

[1556] You like that?

[1557] What are you doing?

[1558] You looking for the photos here?

[1559] We'll find them.

[1560] I'll show them to you later because this is going to be a pain in the ass.

[1561] But my point is, and you and I have both talked about this, and I did get out of here for a little while, but moving to somewhere where that's not an influence, is that even possible anymore, though, because that influence is sort of like all over the country now.

[1562] I don't know.

[1563] That's a good question.

[1564] I think, though, at the end of the day, you're still going to have a lot of people who hold on to what's important, because life is basically a kick in the nuts, and it's going to teach you that shit.

[1565] You know, you still got to compete.

[1566] You still got to fight gravity.

[1567] You still got to find fulfillment in accomplishment.

[1568] And the only way to accomplish something like a black belt in jujitsu is fucking roll all the time for four or five, six or seven or ten years.

[1569] If you want a black belt, that's what it takes.

[1570] If you want to know that you truly are, you know, somebody that can tie somebody in and not, and I'm speaking metaphorically in anything, it takes a long fucking time.

[1571] You want to be a good stand -up?

[1572] You want to make people laugh all over the country?

[1573] I'll see you in 10 years, minimum.

[1574] Yeah.

[1575] So, I mean, in a way, if you're lucky, in a way life is going to, life kind of sorts itself out.

[1576] So people worry about, I think it's always been, well, these people are, you know, I mean, I don't know of any story in the world or any leader in the world who didn't complain that his followers, for the most part, were retards and, you know, he owe to change and get people to understand what's important.

[1577] That's what every religious leader from Christ on, you know, from Moses, for God's sake, 5 ,000 years ago, my people don't know what's important.

[1578] Here are the fucking commandments, you pagans, you know, it's always been that.

[1579] It's always been people who are older always been like you fucking kids are partying too much stop with all the fucking and the drinking the booze and you know and the drugs god told me these rules yeah right and if you don't you're going to get struck down by lightning so you get to scare the shit out of you for your own good right and ultimately all these things are in place so that we can have this society so that people can survive so that people can keep breeding so we can continue doing what we're doing which sort of centers around technology yeah man's a social animal we've always you know we've always had a war with nature anyway.

[1580] That's kind of like what it seems like.

[1581] Well, we're the only animal that has a symbiotic relationship with an artificial life, and that artificial life is technology.

[1582] You know, you can say technology is not alive.

[1583] But, I mean, we use the word evolution culturally earlier.

[1584] Use the word evolution for machines.

[1585] And if you look at simple machines that were around, you know, 50, 60 years ago, and you look at the complex machines now with the microchips that are just powering your fucking cell phone and where this is all headed in some sort of a weird direction, we are inexorably connected to this technology.

[1586] Inexorably, is that the word?

[1587] Inexirably.

[1588] Which, ladies, gentlemen, me do without inevitably.

[1589] Our society is connected to.

[1590] I mean, this is what the Unabromer was terrified about.

[1591] This is when, you know, he took.

[1592] That was his manifesto.

[1593] Yeah, that technology will get to a point where it no longer has a respect for its biological heritage.

[1594] Yeah, and people continue, it's not a life form, it's not a life form.

[1595] You're right, you're right, it's not.

[1596] There's no blood in it.

[1597] There's no tissue.

[1598] There's no cells.

[1599] But what is it?

[1600] It's something that's growing.

[1601] and evolve.

[1602] You can say that it's not a life form.

[1603] But what is a fucking human being?

[1604] A human being is some sort of a weird biological computer that's riddled with bacteria.

[1605] That's what we are.

[1606] We're also coming up with synthetic DNA.

[1607] Yeah.

[1608] We're coming up with living.

[1609] We're coming up with man -made bacteria, basically.

[1610] And, you know, this is one of those conversations that inevitably, whenever we have this sort of conversation on the message on the podcast on my message board, someone will come up and go, this fucking bullshit, stone hippie talk.

[1611] It's always some agro -fucking.

[1612] head with a poor argument and they get upset about it.

[1613] But the bottom line is with all this hippie talk is, you know, everyone's like, why are you thinking about that?

[1614] Why are you thinking about like, where's it all going?

[1615] Where's it all going, man?

[1616] It's going nowhere.

[1617] Shut up, go to work.

[1618] The reality is something is happening.

[1619] And for whatever reason, we have an instinct to ignore it.

[1620] It's not hippie talk anyway.

[1621] By the way, you think it's hippie talk.

[1622] Take a look at what computer scientists are talking about.

[1623] Computer scientists and scientists in general are talking about evolution in in terms of you human beings can control and are controlling their own evolution so it's not hippie talk at all in fact it's cold hard scientific talk it is cold hot scientific talk but it's also theoretical yeah it's also stoner talk it's also the kind of things you but that's why weed is so awesome you fuck but it's not just but stoner talk in 20 years you're we are going to like or not have to contend with technological advances that are are so far beyond what most of us are dealing with today, biocompatible technology, things that fit into your body that make you remember faster, keep you awake longer.

[1624] Replacement parts.

[1625] All kinds of shape.

[1626] A bionic man, bro.

[1627] Sure.

[1628] So these are realities that are going to affect how you make a living, what you talk about, what you listen to, what your children are influenced by.

[1629] So anybody who thinks they can stay out of this debate or even this discussion is kidding themselves, man. You're kidding yourself.

[1630] it does have an air of silliness to it.

[1631] It's got an air of man, you know, there's something to it when you're considering, you know, these really fantastical possibilities and probabilities of the exponential growth of technology.

[1632] It does have this sort of silliness to it.

[1633] I think that's kind of where spiritual conversation comes in with the notion that, yes, we have all these technological advances, but the same old questions that a human being is going to have to answer for himself are still going to exist.

[1634] Sort of.

[1635] I wonder if it's there for the same reason why when your dick is hard you don't even think about putting a condom on, you just stick it in there.

[1636] It's he goes, yeah, just whatever, just get in there, oh, fuck, I made a kid.

[1637] It's almost like it's designed that way.

[1638] And our mass, you know, the huge percentage of population is not thinking about the eventual upcoming technological singularity.

[1639] They're just not.

[1640] And if you bring it up, it's like, oh, silly.

[1641] You don't have time.

[1642] Right, right, right, right.

[1643] But I wonder if that's there for the same reason.

[1644] It's the same sort of an instinct that makes the hard dick stick it in without a condom to make sure it happens anyway.

[1645] It's like this crazy instinct to do it.

[1646] Oh, fuck yeah.

[1647] Just don't come and sign me. Okay, okay.

[1648] Oh, shit.

[1649] You know, it's like, it's almost like it's engineered into us.

[1650] Well, I think it's the same reason whenever you start talking about if a guy gets up and says, well, climate change and sea levels are rising.

[1651] You talk to me about that.

[1652] Talk to me. I go, that's too big to think about and I don't have any way to cool the fucking planet.

[1653] So I'm going to change the channel right now.

[1654] I'm walking away.

[1655] Right.

[1656] But when you talk to dopey Republicans about it, they go, let me tell you something about these liberals.

[1657] These liberals in their climate control.

[1658] Now, they've been going on and on about the climate control.

[1659] This is what we know, ladies and gentlemen, and we know that the climate has changed since the beginning of time.

[1660] It's cyclical, okay?

[1661] Don't get in the way of big business and big industry, okay?

[1662] Because there's a reason why the United States of America is doing so well.

[1663] There's a reason why we need this economy to turn around, and it's not liberals.

[1664] It's not a goddamn sitting around with tambourines and a circle around a campfire singing Grateful Dead songs, okay?

[1665] All right, all right, we'll be right back.

[1666] You know what I mean?

[1667] And you get into that, that's right -wing rhetoric idea that, you know, like, ah, God, guys.

[1668] battle down hippies.

[1669] It allows things to happen.

[1670] And it also stops the debate.

[1671] It allows you to stick your dick in without a condom because you're silly.

[1672] The instincts are to fuck things up.

[1673] The instincts are to make more people.

[1674] The instincts are to continue the technological progress regardless of what fucking effect it has on the environment.

[1675] Nobody, his human history is one, the one constant in human history is that people were never able to see catastrophe as a group.

[1676] It's true.

[1677] World War I, World War II, famines the black plague.

[1678] We are not good at predicting major fucking issues in events.

[1679] Whether it's a tsunami, all due respect to the people in Japan, or anything like that.

[1680] We will eventually, though, right?

[1681] Human beings are not good at doing that.

[1682] Well, we have technology that can say, hey, by the way, there's a 20 % like that a huge earthquakes about to hit in the next week.

[1683] I'm sure we'll get better at doing stuff like that.

[1684] Yeah, well, it used to be that you didn't know a tornado was coming until it killed you.

[1685] You had no idea.

[1686] You had to see it.

[1687] Look at Alabama.

[1688] Oh shit.

[1689] But in 2011, 300 plus people in Alabama and our country was destroyed.

[1690] There was nothing they could do.

[1691] There was nothing they could do about that.

[1692] A mile wide tornado.

[1693] It was a mile wide tornado.

[1694] Have you ever seen the destruction photos online?

[1695] I tweeted them.

[1696] They're insane.

[1697] Tuscaloosa, Alabama was literally wiped off them out.

[1698] I've never experienced in any way nature's force like that.

[1699] That must be so crazy terrifying.

[1700] Yeah.

[1701] And the crazy thing is it happens every year.

[1702] There is something like 400 fucking tornadoes this year in this country.

[1703] But it's like you're in a house and it gets ripped up.

[1704] part.

[1705] Yeah.

[1706] And you're in the house.

[1707] Yeah.

[1708] Like, you know, when there's a rainstorm and you hear thunder, you're like, let's, let's cuddle off in front of the TV.

[1709] That's my reality.

[1710] But here's the thing, I would fucking move.

[1711] Have you ever been in a hurricane?

[1712] No. I've been in a hurricane.

[1713] But the hurricanes that hit the East Coast, like up in the Boston area, by the time they got up there, not so much, not that big a deal.

[1714] Right.

[1715] When you're in the, when you're in the middle, when it starts, when you're in the, whatever they call it, the eye of the storm.

[1716] That's not the start.

[1717] The start is the eye is the center when you go, well, it's over.

[1718] and you step outside.

[1719] How about those...

[1720] How about those air force...

[1721] How about those air force...

[1722] They fly into that shit.

[1723] They fly into that shit to test all the kinds of...

[1724] How nutty is that?

[1725] They're in the middle of a fucking...

[1726] How insane is that?

[1727] Well, because any other plane comes apart.

[1728] Any other plane comes apart.

[1729] They come apart instead.

[1730] If you're a pilot...

[1731] My dad was a pilot for 20 years.

[1732] When you're a pilot, you fucking worry about thunderstorms.

[1733] If there's thunderstorms, that is death.

[1734] You don't go near a thunderstorm, man. That's scary shit.

[1735] Doesn't matter if you're a 747 or whatever.

[1736] And these guys just fly right into it.

[1737] They fly.

[1738] Why don't we make all planes out of the same shit?

[1739] They make those weather planes out of it.

[1740] I think because you can only have two or three passengers and you can't have a, can't be a hollow two.

[1741] How awesome would be if you were in a plane and you knew it couldn't break?

[1742] This plane is never going to crash.

[1743] It flies into fucking hurricanes and shit.

[1744] It's made out of the black box.

[1745] I heard the craziest.

[1746] That's a stupid old hack joke.

[1747] I know.

[1748] I heard the craziest hippie theory lately.

[1749] I read somewhere today that if you have a birth mark, that's where you were murdered in a past life or killed in a past life.

[1750] Is this from a girl that you're trying to?

[1751] of bang.

[1752] No. No, I read it on somebody's Facebook or something.

[1753] People, people but it's kind of interesting.

[1754] I would have been stabbed in the back of the head.

[1755] Only interesting if you have brain damage.

[1756] Right.

[1757] People always...

[1758] You stabbed that's why you have a mole.

[1759] A good experiment.

[1760] What about fucking redheads?

[1761] They're stabbed everywhere.

[1762] No, no, no. I have a gorbacheff.

[1763] There were shot and I were talking about...

[1764] You and I were talking about...

[1765] You and I were talking about the thing about the internet is that when you can get facts right away, like fact check.

[1766] The thing is like, before that, you know, we all, like just would just start saying shit.

[1767] Like, you just start saying anything like, here's.

[1768] what I know, and this is the truth.

[1769] Meanwhile, you do some checking.

[1770] Like, I did recently.

[1771] I've been going back over my archives of the shit that I believe and say, and I'm like, oh, that's a big hole there.

[1772] Unfortunately, last time you were here, there was one.

[1773] There was one about the WikiLeaks.

[1774] Right.

[1775] There's a good example.

[1776] The WikiLeaks one, you unfortunately said that.

[1777] Sorry about that, everybody.

[1778] WikiLeaks, apparently they did remove names of all the people to protect the people, except people who are no longer with the CIA or whoever they were with, and, you know, they were already exposed.

[1779] Right.

[1780] Yeah.

[1781] The WikiLeaks thing is a very tricky situation.

[1782] situation man you know they're they're going after that guy is guns blazing i don't know how i feel because i like transparency but um uh i don't know uh i don't know do you know out of the 12 we uh bp whistleblowers all the 12 people that came forward about all the problems in the oil disaster nine of them are missing including people murdered people one guy who survived an assassination attempt it's it's really kind of freaky man it's kind of hard for bp to i mean that was a hard thing to cover up is it the whole ocean uh yeah well here's a good way to cover cover it up.

[1783] Shoot everybody who knows anything.

[1784] And it seems like that's actually happening.

[1785] I need to, this one site that had it, I put it up on my Twitter, and it's getting crushed.

[1786] I can't get to it anymore.

[1787] But there's something going on.

[1788] I don't know if it's true or not.

[1789] I need to find out about this, because it's pretty fucking fascinating.

[1790] The BP executives.

[1791] Yeah, I don't know.

[1792] I got confused yesterday.

[1793] I was driving down the alley, and there was these three girls, it's walking down the alley.

[1794] I was like, come on, get the fuck out of the way so I can drive by.

[1795] They were like 15, 16 year old girls.

[1796] All of them just stopped and then flashed me. Like pulled down their, I mean, they mooned me. Seriously?

[1797] They pulled down their pants, all three of them in Burbank.

[1798] And in the back of an alley.

[1799] Why did they did?

[1800] In the back of an alley.

[1801] Yeah, they were fucking around.

[1802] Like, I have an alley in my neighborhood.

[1803] There's alleys.

[1804] Right.

[1805] You know?

[1806] And they've recognized you or something?

[1807] No, no. I'm just driving and I'm just like, they're walking in front of me. Like, I'm like, come on.

[1808] Get the fuck out of it.

[1809] And suddenly they just all stopped, pulled down their pants, mooned me and ran away.

[1810] That's great.

[1811] second i'm just like yeah my god it's oh wait that's awful if there's a broken bitch out there brian will find her like a magnet a little metal particles and Nate markor was you know Nate markor you know he's a jo of course knows him but he was he was at my house and he was walking up the stairs i go come here i want to show you something come upstairs because he had just got into LA to come see my one hour and and as he was walking upstairs you know he's like kind of a staid guy and i and i i was bent over with my ass wide apart and as he walked up the stairs he just goes he goes what that and he i think he went, what the fuck?

[1812] The same thing he said when you saw dicks and feet.

[1813] I got to piss.

[1814] Listen, out of the 12 people in question that were the BP whistleblowers, nine are mysteriously dead.

[1815] One nearly died in a brutal assassination attempt.

[1816] One is imprisoned under questionable circumstances and another has simply disappeared.

[1817] You don't?

[1818] Yeah, I don't really believe that either.

[1819] And that guy in the questionable circumstances, what, questionable tax?

[1820] Hey, Brian, don't talk from the other room, you fucking freak.

[1821] Go piss.

[1822] How ridiculous is this guy trying to scream in the other room.

[1823] Oh, so after that happened...

[1824] This is their show, sir.

[1825] After that happened, I was in such shock, and I was going to Starbucks.

[1826] I was in such shock.

[1827] You were in shock because some girls mooned you?

[1828] Well, I mean, that's pretty crazy, seeing three girls' buttholes and vaginas that are underage, and you're just driving around, like, minding your own business.

[1829] So I get out of my car and I go inside.

[1830] Did you actually see their buttholes and vaginas, or did they have their legs?

[1831] I just saw their cheeks.

[1832] No, I remember at least one of them, I saw the, like, you know, like the, whatever, the place.

[1833] So I'm, like, thinking about it.

[1834] I'm like, what the fuck was that?

[1835] all about and I walk in there's Alan Alda is that his name for MASH just staring at me like this like he knew like he was just like shaking his head thinking that it was so weird what are you talking about I don't get it I walked in the Starbucks and Alan Aldo was and he was staring he was just staring at me but like right when I walked in I was like holy shit how hard were you how weird is I was super high when all this happened this is the most ridiculous conversation ever you should have started off this conversation by saying how high you were because you're like Alan Aldo was staring at me and he was like and I was like really freaking out like what the fuck kind of a conversation we have in here what the fuck kind of what kind of a story is that it's what happened to me yesterday you left out the most important part this is one of the reason why pot should be illegal now I'm on the other side of the fence I need some more weed later but here's what I don't believe once it right now here's what I don't believe in I don't believe in psychics I don't believe that corporations like BP have anything to do with like are able to pull off murders or any of that wait a minute when you're talking about all wars are murder or based on oil yeah and all wars pretty much Wow.

[1836] How loud is that?

[1837] It wasn't based on...

[1838] It wasn't based on oil necessarily.

[1839] Why is it so loud?

[1840] It's extra loud, why?

[1841] Because you left it on all week, and it's going to blow the fuck up?

[1842] No, it's touching something.

[1843] The war made the oil more expensive in a lot of ways, so I don't know where...

[1844] Yeah, because...

[1845] And they're making more money, those cunts.

[1846] Yeah, but they're not the ones that...

[1847] It's fucking moving.

[1848] It's not how things work.

[1849] You say that, dude, but how can you say that with any level of certainty?

[1850] That's ridiculous.

[1851] I can say it with a lot of level of certainty.

[1852] The same way I can tell people.

[1853] I can't say how corporations are working when there's so many instances of corporations killing people.

[1854] But they all have different, they all have different agendas, is all I'm saying.

[1855] Like, if you're a bank, you have a different agenda.

[1856] When you watch a movie.

[1857] You're competing against another bank, you know.

[1858] And there's a movie where someone is trying to make money and something goes wrong.

[1859] And then they hire a hitman.

[1860] Fiction.

[1861] Like Jason Staghan.

[1862] Right.

[1863] Based on what?

[1864] Based on human fucking nature.

[1865] We know it's possible.

[1866] We're not talking about superpowers.

[1867] We're talking about someone having someone killed because it's, It would cost them billions and billions of dollars.

[1868] You don't think it's possible?

[1869] It's a boardroom.

[1870] You got a bunch of people making decisions.

[1871] The problem with this BP story is it has all the elements of an internet hoax.

[1872] You know, I mean, it's fantastic.

[1873] It's unresearchable.

[1874] And I'm trying to research it.

[1875] And by the way, if you're telling me that all those investigative journalists out there from all those newspapers who are always looking for a story, wouldn't be all over that, believe me. They would be all over that.

[1876] Yeah, maybe.

[1877] But this is sort of like some kind of shit that you have to be really, really, really, really, really sure about.

[1878] You're not going to get this published in Time magazine.

[1879] I want you on your podcast to bring a reputable investigative journalist on this show so we can talk about what a news.

[1880] Yeah, hello, reputable investigative journalist.

[1881] I want you, this is called the volcano.

[1882] And what's inside here is marijuana vapor.

[1883] It's way better for your lung.

[1884] Have them come in.

[1885] Why here?

[1886] This is legit, bro.

[1887] We're ranked on iTunes.

[1888] We're like number two.

[1889] Are you?

[1890] Yeah, it's always like number one or number two.

[1891] It was number five.

[1892] Anything Joe Rogan does doesn't surprise me. Joe Rogan can do it all.

[1893] You've always been a winner, my friend.

[1894] And I love you.

[1895] I love you too.

[1896] But I think it's sweet talking.

[1897] You are very important.

[1898] I'm not that high.

[1899] I'm telling you.

[1900] Why is it so harsh on the throat?

[1901] Because I think your thing is too hot.

[1902] Really?

[1903] Yeah, I think it's smoking it too much.

[1904] Sorry about my approach.

[1905] Yeah, you might be right.

[1906] I'm going to kill him.

[1907] Volcano's very tricky.

[1908] Some guy just got life in jail for his third weed.

[1909] Third weed.

[1910] I'm never going to be able to.

[1911] Is that on camera?

[1912] I'm never going to be alone for a home.

[1913] fourth marijuana conviction gets Slydell, Louisiana, man, life in prison.

[1914] He's a repeat offender, and by this repeat offender, the jury found defending guilty of attempting to possess and distribute marijuana, dude was selling weed, and they put him in jail for life.

[1915] God damn.

[1916] For life, and he's 35 years old.

[1917] Terrible.

[1918] That's ridiculous.

[1919] Terrible.

[1920] It's a tragedy.

[1921] It's the only way pot kills you.

[1922] There's two ways.

[1923] Wait, wait, wait.

[1924] What was it all four times?

[1925] The same thing?

[1926] Yeah, sells weed.

[1927] All right, that guy probably deserves to be in jail.

[1928] I think after the second or third time, all right, dude, just fucking start fucking looking a different job.

[1929] Okay, what?

[1930] For selling weed?

[1931] Dude, you, no, the law is unjust.

[1932] It's unjust.

[1933] Yeah, but he's not like he's hurting.

[1934] Yes, he's definitely the brightest guy in the world.

[1935] But what he's doing, he's not hurting anyone.

[1936] We have too many fucking laws.

[1937] You don't feel bad for him because it's not you, dude.

[1938] Because it easily could be.

[1939] Don't be silly.

[1940] I think any strike, anything type of strike things.

[1941] If you have four DUIs, I think you deserve to be fucking locked out.

[1942] You're just a fucking retard.

[1943] If this guy's selling wheat.

[1944] Okay, but four DUIs are dangerous.

[1945] You're hurting people.

[1946] You're scaring people.

[1947] It doesn't matter.

[1948] Brian, that man matters a lot.

[1949] Well, I mean, it matters, but it also matters like this guy's been in trouble three times, two times.

[1950] You shouldn't sell weed anymore.

[1951] Okay, you're right, but you're giving in, you're giving in to the man. You're saying whatever rules that you make is illogical as they are, I'm going to follow by them because I don't want to get locked in a cage.

[1952] What I'm saying is there's no way you should be locking someone in a cage for that.

[1953] It doesn't make any sense.

[1954] And if someone does that, they're the criminals.

[1955] When you have a society.

[1956] complex society with a massive amount of access to information.

[1957] Literally, you can find the answers to any question instantly on your phone.

[1958] When you have a law that's in place that's completely illogical, like marijuana laws, and then you prosecute people for them, and then you lock them in jail, you are the criminal.

[1959] You are the one who's going against logic and nature with all your fucking silly studies.

[1960] Ron Paul just owned some motherfucker the other day on the Senate floor and it was the guy was talking about marijuana he said he thought heroin should be legal i think he he he ron paul just clown them about personal use freedom of use and if heroin was legal do you think we'd all be using heroin exactly he just i mean it was so it was so on the money man about all of it we need less fucking laws all you people out there that are involved in this industry of laws and industry of of of creating jobs that are attached to laws your leeches This is leaching off society.

[1961] It's a fucking loophole.

[1962] And if we got rid of that loophole and forced everybody that has some shitbag jobs for locking people up for pot, we would force those people to have more productive lives because they would have to evolve.

[1963] If you would have to contribute.

[1964] I think that more than any other time in our country's history, the discussion about legalizing drugs is very much alive.

[1965] And even politicians like Ron Paul, who have a growing following are being taken very seriously.

[1966] It's slowly evolving, but not fast enough.

[1967] Not fast enough for logic or my taste.

[1968] It's not changing enough in my lifetime.

[1969] It is changing.

[1970] I mean, the climate here in California especially is really revolutionary.

[1971] If you drive down the street near my house, there's fucking five weed stores in a one -block ratio or area.

[1972] It's really, that is incredible.

[1973] But it's not changing enough.

[1974] There's still plenty of fucking morons with silly ideas about forcing people into other.

[1975] There's a reason why the United States is not competing with the rest of the world as far as things we produce.

[1976] It's because a lot of people aren't producing shit.

[1977] They're just a part of some weird fucking system.

[1978] Some weird system.

[1979] It's a very weird system that doesn't necessarily make any sense.

[1980] Our financial system doesn't necessarily make sense.

[1981] We don't really produce anything.

[1982] You know, Putin said it best when he was analyzing the United States economy before the crash.

[1983] He said, I don't understand the American economy.

[1984] All they seem to be doing is buying and selling each other's houses.

[1985] And he's right.

[1986] What the fuck else do we do anymore?

[1987] We make Mustangs and Camaros and Corvettes and a couple other things.

[1988] We have a very powerful military.

[1989] No, no, no, I'm computer industry.

[1990] Yeah, we do that, yeah.

[1991] Innovation, art. And medical innovation and stuff like that.

[1992] We have a lot of stuff.

[1993] It could be argued, though, that if there were less laws and there were more freedom and there was less people in these fucking bullshit parasitic government jobs, that those people would be forced to contribute.

[1994] Maybe they would become cabinet makers.

[1995] That's a huge, that's a great argument.

[1996] Maybe they'd become authors.

[1997] You're right.

[1998] They would contribute.

[1999] It is a form of social welfare.

[2000] to have shit jobs that aren't necessary.

[2001] There was a great article in Wall Street Journal about how a lot of states, three out of one job are government jobs, not private sector jobs, not manufacturing jobs.

[2002] When you hear, like, the government created new jobs and you know what a lot of those jobs are?

[2003] They're surveyors and weird fucking government positions that are unnecessary.

[2004] That doesn't build anything.

[2005] That's not what made this country great.

[2006] You're absolutely right.

[2007] And it is a form of social welfare because if you give someone a job so they don't have to find their path, It's like I've always said, the greatest thing that never happened to me when I was 21 years old, I played the lottery once.

[2008] I won a free ticket.

[2009] I played it again.

[2010] I won nothing.

[2011] And then I was done.

[2012] I said, I quit.

[2013] That's it.

[2014] What if I was 21 and broke and scared and lost and I won the lottery?

[2015] That would have been the worst curse ever.

[2016] I would have never found my way in life.

[2017] And if you get some shitty fucking easy government job that you can't get fired from, and then that becomes your life, well, guess what?

[2018] You're not going to find your place either, man. No. You're just going to, it's a form almost of social welfare.

[2019] It is.

[2020] We need less.

[2021] less of everything.

[2022] And that's where a guy like Ron Paul's on the fucking money, man. Amen.

[2023] That bad motherfucker.

[2024] I love that guy.

[2025] Oh, he's the best.

[2026] And the other guy, Gary Johnson, the former governor in New Mexico, same thing.

[2027] Stanhope had a great point.

[2028] He said, I like him.

[2029] He goes, same sense, less Jesus.

[2030] But I don't mind, I don't mind Ron Paul's Jesus.

[2031] I don't mind any of it.

[2032] Because the way he talks is the way, in my mind, is America.

[2033] What my mind is, there's an ideal.

[2034] He believes in personal freedom and responsibility.

[2035] Right.

[2036] and allowing people to make their own choices.

[2037] And makes the call on what is really going on of why we're invested in all these different parts of the world and what we're really doing.

[2038] He's honest about it.

[2039] And he's saying, this is not what America should be all about.

[2040] And he says that all the time.

[2041] This is not what this Constitution was supposed to mean.

[2042] It's not what our founding fathers wanted.

[2043] This is supposed to be the best example possible of what you can do with a society.

[2044] This is 2011.

[2045] We've learned from the Greeks.

[2046] We've learned from the Romans.

[2047] We learned from the Nazis.

[2048] We learn from everybody.

[2049] We've got it down.

[2050] But we don't.

[2051] We don't.

[2052] And we don't.

[2053] And it's transparent how we don't.

[2054] It's all there.

[2055] Every time like Obama recently passed on fucking new law about genetically modified food and it's going to fuck over all these organic farmers, man. And this shit's been going on for a while.

[2056] Monsanto is involved with a lot of fucking creepy shit, man. And the government is behind all this.

[2057] There's a good book though about that.

[2058] And we're, again, when you talk about technology, Monsanto and these other companies that do genetic engineering, the only way we're going to feed the growing.

[2059] population is through genetic engineering.

[2060] Now, there's a good way to do it.

[2061] There's a bad way to do it.

[2062] Obviously, it comes with risks.

[2063] It also comes with a great deal of promise.

[2064] But genetic engineering is in all of your future, whether you like it or not.

[2065] The real problem isn't...

[2066] We don't have the soil to farm organically and feed all the people in Africa for example.

[2067] Right.

[2068] Et cetera, et cetera.

[2069] Right, but isn't the real, I mean, the real problem is sustainability, but the real problem is also that you get to own that.

[2070] You own a plant.

[2071] And Monsanto is inherently, they're trying to, know, first of all, they tried to patent pigs.

[2072] Do you know that?

[2073] There's going to be a lot of that, and they're going to figure this out in the courts.

[2074] But the bottom line is this.

[2075] One thing that, one of the promises of genetic engineering is that we will maybe never have to use any pesticides.

[2076] And if you want to talk about agricultural runoff, that's one of the biggest forms of pollutants in all our waterways.

[2077] So, for example, if you could come up with a kernel of rice, an apple that requires no spraying because in it, it has genes that are not only incredibly nutritious, but that can ward off any kind of a pest, that's something that is going to be in our future.

[2078] It doesn't come with risks.

[2079] Are there problems?

[2080] Do I feel weird about taking the gene of a jellyfish and putting it into a strawberry because it actually keeps it from freezing so you can ship it farther?

[2081] Yes, yes.

[2082] This is where Adam Carolla would come in.

[2083] What we got here, it's going to be great in about 10 years.

[2084] Right now, you don't want to get in on the ground floor.

[2085] You don't want to get in here with all this genetic engineering.

[2086] you want to wait that's what he would do oh by the way we taught him that you what you said to him about the improv he actually repeated it yeah he repeated it to us and said that he was the happiest he'd ever been and you made him so happy and i i concurred i said you know i brought it up i said brian callan said this and i think he's absolutely right he's the best that like tying together these long rants making them work it's pretty amazing if i listen to him i can get him i could start doing, I could put Adam Crowe in my act.

[2087] He's got, he's got a, you know, one of those things.

[2088] I think he was that, yeah, kind of that smarty kind of Norman McDonald's.

[2089] He's an interesting guy, man. I really, I really like him.

[2090] Smart guy.

[2091] He's very smart, and it's very smart and a very unique, and an interesting way.

[2092] My buddy, box is, very honest.

[2093] He's got heavy hands.

[2094] He says, really?

[2095] Yeah, he's a good boxer.

[2096] You see the movie, the hammer?

[2097] No. It's all about him being a boxer.

[2098] Well, I know, he's, you know.

[2099] He's fought in the ring.

[2100] Yeah, he's apparently, he was a boxing trainer for a long time, too.

[2101] That's how he made a living in Hollywood.

[2102] Yeah.

[2103] He's a good dude, man. I really like that guy a lot.

[2104] Yeah, he's a very unusual thinker and an unabashed gearhead.

[2105] I love that, too.

[2106] Oh, is he?

[2107] Yeah, he loves cars, man. I hate when people pretend, like I read on some guy's thing, you know, who's shitting on someone for being middle -aged and buying a sports car, that it was, you know, such a, you know, midlife crisis sort of a thing.

[2108] And I was like, God, what a silly way to look at that.

[2109] I've never made fun of, how come he's not just enjoying a car?

[2110] You can never make fun of anybody who's a gearhead because it's a passion.

[2111] it doesn't have to be anything rational or logical about it.

[2112] It's a passion.

[2113] Well, some people are born with the wrenching gene.

[2114] With the wrenching gene.

[2115] I was forced to have the wrenching gene, and I don't like it.

[2116] I would rather have somebody else to do it.

[2117] I have the driving gene, but I want someone who knows what the fuck they're doing to fix my shit.

[2118] You have the drive.

[2119] You've always loved cars.

[2120] I love cars.

[2121] Well, I'm first of all, I'm a technology fanatic.

[2122] I'm obsessed with it.

[2123] I've always been obsessed with any new gadget.

[2124] I remember the first time I saw Pong.

[2125] I was obsessed with it.

[2126] that I couldn't believe that someone had figured out a way to make this move something on the TV.

[2127] You were one of the first people I ever met who, like, had email and stuff.

[2128] Like, I was like, oh, yeah.

[2129] What's this email thing?

[2130] I had a computer in 94, and I didn't send an email to anybody until, like, 98.

[2131] Nobody had fucking email, man. I never was, you got, and now I hardly ever talk to any of my friend.

[2132] Me, Pat and Oswald and I've been going back and forth on Twitter.

[2133] He's supposed to call him, but I'm like, God, I actually have to call somebody and make a call.

[2134] It's like, you can go back and forth.

[2135] Talk about a funny dude.

[2136] I love his writing.

[2137] He's one of my favorite guys as far.

[2138] is like taking a premise and this beat and shit out of it and going in all sorts of weird ways with it.

[2139] He's a really interesting guy.

[2140] He was a writer on Mad TV when I first started.

[2141] Was he really?

[2142] Yeah, it was part of the original cast.

[2143] You know, he was there.

[2144] I enjoy his CDs, I think.

[2145] He's my favorite guy to listen to on the TV.

[2146] I would come in and he'd have sketch ideas on the wall.

[2147] And one was just explosive diarrhea.

[2148] And then the other was feeling kind of rapy.

[2149] We were when we were doing Matt the man show that was one of the most fun things is to put a bunch of ideas and try to make them do you do that?

[2150] I do that with my writing.

[2151] Do you do that?

[2152] See, I have a board up there.

[2153] I do that with my act now and I take a photo of it on my iPhone and then when I'm in a hotel room and I want to go over my notes, I just look at the photo and you could expand it so I move it around and it's easier than turn in pages.

[2154] It's, you know, technology, man. It's making it all easier.

[2155] But I think writing something down and putting it up there for you.

[2156] There's something about creating when you write things down and then put it in like a little box and then stick the box on the wall and then step back and look at it.

[2157] It's like instead of like being on top of it, writing it and being immersed in the words, just sit, put it on the wall and step back.

[2158] Any really really successful screenplay writer I've ever spoken to does exactly that.

[2159] They never just sit down and write.

[2160] Really?

[2161] Really?

[2162] Wow.

[2163] From Alan Ball, who I talked to, who wrote American Beauty, who I talked to about how he starts his scripts and stuff.

[2164] And he said character, but you know, but any of those guys, all of them, Todd Phillips, they outline the shit out of it.

[2165] They see it up on a board and I don't know one director or one writer, certainly not one screenplay writer, not one who makes a fortune, who's a successful screenplay writer, a professional who doesn't do that.

[2166] I just started doing it recently.

[2167] I've been writing forever.

[2168] It's the way to do it.

[2169] That's why a lot of people write a screenplay and then they just end up running out of steam or it just doesn't quite work.

[2170] There's a, there's a real, like, sort of structure and technique to writing.

[2171] You see, even novelists.

[2172] Novelists will lay it out, man. I mean, John Irving, for his last book, it took seven years to write that book.

[2173] Seven.

[2174] Think about the act of faith that would require.

[2175] Because it had to be thematic.

[2176] He created these characters, very autobiographical.

[2177] What was the book?

[2178] A year in Mystic River.

[2179] One year in Mystic River, I believe it's called.

[2180] What is it about?

[2181] It's very autobiographical about...

[2182] Sucking Cock?

[2183] No. John Irving is that.

[2184] John Irving is...

[2185] Excuse me, sir.

[2186] It took him seven years, and it's always about blowing dudes by the river.

[2187] Have you ever, have you read, black cops?

[2188] Imagine he turns this in.

[2189] This is his magnus opus.

[2190] Have you read it?

[2191] Have you read any of his books?

[2192] No, no. Dude, I can't believe you haven't read.

[2193] John Irving is.

[2194] You know what, dude, I kind of stopped reading fiction a long time ago.

[2195] I started reading some Joe Hill recently, Stephen King's brother.

[2196] Yeah, I started, I started reading it again because it's fun.

[2197] And I realized I was reading too much creepy shit.

[2198] It's almost like what I was talking about.

[2199] I'm writing a whole bit about it in my act now, about the apocalypse is not, you know, It's here, but it's not here.

[2200] You know what I said earlier?

[2201] The way I phrased it was the first time I ever phrased it that way, that it's here and it's not here.

[2202] But I'm writing this whole big chunk about that.

[2203] And so it's forcing me, I'm constantly reading all this nutty fucking shit about the world.

[2204] And I'm like, God damn it, this is not that fun.

[2205] Like, you can freak out about fucking super massive black holes and super volcanoes.

[2206] And you can freak out about the shifting of the polar ice caps.

[2207] And it really doesn't make life any more interesting.

[2208] But if a good werewolf movie comes out, you know, Life is fun for like a fucking hour and a half, you know what I'm saying?

[2209] If you pick up a good Joe Hill of Stephen King's son, and he's a horror writer as well.

[2210] Really?

[2211] Yeah, he's good, dude, he's good.

[2212] I've read just, I'm almost done with a heart -shaped box, a great fucking scary.

[2213] It's about a guy who is a rock and roll star, like some creepy Marilyn Manson, who buys this dead guy's suit online because it's haunted.

[2214] It comes with a ghost, and he thinks he's being accused, so he buys this dead guy's suit.

[2215] I don't want to say any more about the plot because the plot is brilliant like how it's all established and set up but it's a fucking page turner and it's so much more fun than reading a Michael Rupert book about the collapse of civilization you know smoking cigarettes in that collapse documentary have you ever watched you want to shit your pants watch that collapse documentary what is that it's Michael Rupert he's this guy used to be a former L .A. cop who busted the CIA selling drugs in L .A. neighborhoods and went public with it and eventually left the police force and was told that he was supposed to let these people go when he caught them.

[2216] And he's, you know, very, very vocal about it.

[2217] Always worried he's going to get assassinated.

[2218] Well, that started this downward spiral of doubt and doom.

[2219] And now this guy is, he's got a whole fucking documentary where him sitting there smoking cigarettes talking about how the society, we're going to run out of oil and society's going to