The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett XX
[0] Did you know that the DariVosio now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus?
[1] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life, and the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.
[2] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets.
[3] And along with the Dyeravisio channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV plus.
[4] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a Cio channel.
[5] right now.
[6] Paul, your husband Paul, been together since 1995.
[7] I think you met him at Birmingham.
[8] Yes.
[9] He was like the star player.
[10] How has that been, you know, being such a career -driven person who's had these fairly all -consuming jobs throughout the years?
[11] You know, it's funny.
[12] When I, there's an interesting thing that happens in the comments section.
[13] Because I ask every single guest, every single podcast about relationships.
[14] It's something I'm just really intrigued by because I've struggled over the years with my work and trying to balance a relationship.
[15] But when I ask women this, people, again, I understand why.
[16] They assume that I'm asking it because for the same reasons we've just described.
[17] Like, I'm trying to understand how you can be a wife but also hardworking.
[18] So I just want to put that out there because I see a lot of the question.
[19] But no, I'm really curious.
[20] You know, you've been this pretty relentless entrepreneur for the last three decades, whatever it's been.
[21] How has it been to manage a relationship and be that person and a partner while also being the tremendous business woman.
[22] Well, you have to remember that we've been married a very long time.
[23] And when we first got together, Paul's career was much more dominant than mine, really.
[24] And he was traveling around, playing at different clubs, playing for his country.
[25] And I was the one staying at home looking after the kids having my career and working around that.
[26] And he was the one going around.
[27] And then he retired from football.
[28] And my career took off a bit.
[29] And then he became a football manager, and I stayed home more with the kids.
[30] And we sort of, we balanced our lives to give each other the space to do the things that we love that make us rounded individuals.
[31] I have no jealousy of anything he does and equally to me. So, for example, when I'm filming The Apprentice, I don't know how it works on Dragher's Den, but when we film The Apprentice, when it says it's 4am, the voiceover says it's 4 a .m. It really is 4 a .m. and we work 16 to 18 hours a day, seven days a week for five weeks to produce that show without a break.
[32] There isn't a day off, and it is really hardgoing.
[33] So I always say to Paul, it's much better if he's not there because I want to get up at 4 o 'clock in the morning, have a bath, put the lights on, turn the television on, leave when I want, then get back maybe 8 o 'clock at night, go straight to bed, ready for a 4 a .m., start the following day, or whatever it is.
[34] So he goes to Canada to see his family because his parents live in Canada.
[35] And he has a great time with his family and I can focus on what I have to do without any distractions.
[36] Because what happens during that period is let's say, he might say, she'd go out for dinner tonight and I'll say yes.
[37] And then I don't get home because filming's overrun and I'm not home to 1 o 'clock in the morning.
[38] And they say, oh, you're coming, you're not coming.
[39] And I just, it's too much.
[40] It's on top of everything else, it's too much.
[41] It's much better.
[42] if I have my space to do what I've got to do and he has these space to do what he's got to do.
[43] But the one thing that we have in common is we've built a great family and we respect each other.
[44] We love our kids.
[45] Our kids are our whole life, even though they are, you know, 25 and 23.
[46] Everything is about our family and everything we do together is really important.
[47] And I have to say, if you said to me you got one day left on the earth, what would you do with it?
[48] I'd want to spend it with my husband and my two kids because we have such a great laugh together and we're good friends and there's a real bond of family between us.
[49] How important is it to be candid?
[50] Because that's kind of what you were describing there being so candid with how you're feeling and what you're going through.
[51] A lot of people don't have that in relationships.
[52] Oh, we're definitely candid.
[53] We're definitely candid.
[54] And how important is that, do you think?
[55] I'm asking for myself.
[56] I think it's really important because you can't pretend to be someone you're not.
[57] it's a bit like in an early part of a relationship.
[58] I've got a friend who's got an early part of a relationship.
[59] And the guy she is with likes the opera.
[60] She cannot stand it.
[61] But she's saying, oh, yes, love the opera.
[62] And I'm like, why don't you just say hate the opera?
[63] I couldn't think of anything.
[64] I'd rather do less.
[65] Because when he finds out actually hate the opera and then or you find out you've got to go more to the opera and you're going to resent it, why not just to be honest from the start?
[66] I really can't stand the opera.
[67] You go.
[68] You have a nice time, but we know.
[69] like.
[70] I think it's probably our relationship is not needy.
[71] So he doesn't need me. I don't need him.
[72] We want to be together, but we don't need to be together.
[73] I don't need to know where he is every minute of the day.
[74] I don't need to know what his thoughts are on every single thing or everything I do.
[75] I think if he could have me a little bit more needy, probably would.
[76] But he knows that I'm very self -sufficient and don't need much.
[77] from anyone.
[78] And I think that's, again, going from boarding school where you're very much on your own.
[79] You'd like your own company.
[80] But we don't, we don't, there's not a neediness in the relationship where, like I say to him, oh, I've been invited to go to Buckingham Palace for dinner with the queen.
[81] And it's a white taste, I'm not going to that.
[82] I'm not, white tie.
[83] I'm not getting a white tie.
[84] And he won't come, like he's not, if he doesn't want to come to anything, he won't come.
[85] And I'll say, oh, I've got this, you know, thing, do you fancy doing that?
[86] And I'll say, no, definitely not.
[87] Or he'll say, should we, I fancy doing this.
[88] And I'll say, no, I don't want to do that.
[89] So we, we very candid with each other and it works for us.
[90] This is the single biggest mistake I made at the start of my relationship.
[91] And me and my girlfriend had a conversation and we discussed it was I was saying yes too much to things to try and please because you feel like that's what's needed.
[92] Whereas I came to learn over the years.
[93] And I literally had this conversation with my girlfriend over the last month.
[94] that in fact I need to just be honest more regardless of how I think it might impact her.
[95] Because you see you're saying yes when you really want to say no. And then you've got this sort of underlying resentment and it's much better to just say no and suffer the consequences.
[96] Yeah, definitely.
[97] Versus forever, because as you say with the opera, I then have to try and live out this life forever.
[98] Exactly, exactly.
[99] And I think it's important to have your own space and your own friends and do your own thing.
[100] you know you're married but you're not joined at the hip and there's course there has to be a level of mutual respect there and honesty and trust and all of those things that goes without saying but you're not the same person and it is okay to have different interests and it is okay my husband is a gym bunnies professional athlete he's at the gym morning noon and night I could not think of anything I'd rather do less as you could see I'm not a gym bunny I don't go to the gym I got no desire to go to the gym And this is I'm going to the, I'm like, yeah, bye, and that's it.
[101] And I say I'm going to a board meeting, he's like, yeah, bye.
[102] Like, he can't think of anything he'd rather do less.
[103] But it's, we respect each other's space and views and ideas.
[104] And we don't have to debate every last thing or every last decision.
[105] And everything's okay.
[106] Like, we don't worry about anything.
[107] We don't, not I say we don't worry about anything.
[108] We don't sweat about stuff.
[109] You know, I don't care if he doesn't pick up his soul.
[110] interesting the whole world is not going to stop because they've picked up his socks but the I tell you what really is important in a relationship is understanding when other people are under pressure and being there for them and I don't mean being in there with them but I mean just being there for them and doing the things that really matter to them is opposed to big romantic gestures I can't I mean I'm not a flower person I don't particularly like flowers If someone bought me flowers, it's okay, but I'm not a big, I don't need flowers.
[111] But my husband used to fill my car up a petrol.
[112] So it was one less thing I had to worry about.
[113] And it's small things like that that build a foundation because you know that person's there for you, even though it's not a big romantic gesture that the whole world can see, because that's really not very important to me. Have you ever done the love languages testing?
[114] No, I don't even know what it is.
[115] So I'm not into this kind of woo -wafing thing, but this is actually quite logical.
[116] Is it from Just 17 magazine or something?
[117] I don't even know what they're probably.
[118] It's a series of questions which try to understand the type of love indicator that you most appreciate.
[119] And it tends to be the case that busy entrepreneurial people, their love language is, and as is mine, is acts of service.
[120] And it's exactly what you've described, the tiny little thing to help in a moment.
[121] So like helping you pack your luggage when they know you're traveling.
[122] Or just doing that time.
[123] And for me, when I did, I did the survey with my girlfriend, Alcernichu, mine was acts of service.
[124] For me, the most meaningful thing someone can do for me in a relationship is exactly what you said.
[125] It's like, help me with a tiny thing that you know.
[126] But is his sort of love language per se the same?
[127] Some people says, like, touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, oh, gifts is one of them.
[128] I think you'd take any of the above.
[129] Oh, really?
[130] Does he get it?
[131] Yes, he does.
[132] No, we, we, I think for us, the most important thing for us is having a lot.
[133] having lots of family and friends that we enjoy their company with.
[134] And, you know, it's interesting.
[135] Lots of couples have been married a long time.
[136] They need lots of people around them to break up.
[137] You know, they have lots of friends over, lots of do lots of things, big parties and stuff like that.
[138] I'll tell you the one thing he does for me every day without fail is he takes a dog for a walk, which is very important, and he picks up coffee.
[139] And he brings it straight to me. Because he knows I cannot start my day without a coffee.
[140] And that's his big love moment every day.
[141] Is there a need to maintain desire when you're sort of two, almost three decades into your relationship?
[142] Is there things to do?
[143] Is there a strategy to keep it?
[144] This is the wrong podcast.
[145] That's a different.
[146] 50 shades as the CEO.
[147] Okay.
[148] Is that the answer?
[149] You folded your arms.
[150] Do you know what I mean?
[151] date nights, I don't know, is there something that I should be thinking about when I get...
[152] Well, I think from our point of view, our kids are grown up, so every night's a date night for us.
[153] But I think doing things that are different and unusual.
[154] I mean, we went on this fantastic tour of Thailand where we went all over, did really crazy, wonderful things that were really good fun.
[155] So we try and do more experience -led things, but equally, we are, you know, we are prepared to go in our...
[156] track suits and go out to the pub.
[157] I mean, I guess our happy place, if I have to think about happy place, is Soho Farmhouse.
[158] That's a real happy place for us.
[159] And we tend to try and go one weekend a month.
[160] And we spend two nights and really don't do anything.
[161] Take the dog on long walks, have loads to drink, watch a film, go out to eat lots of food.
[162] Just relax.
[163] Did you know that the Dyer of a Seatsy?
[164] now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus.
[165] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life and the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.
[166] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets.
[167] And along with the Dyer of a CO channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV Plus.
[168] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a CEO channel right now.