#272 - Duncan Trussell, Joey Diaz, Ian Edwards

[0] Hello.

[1] The Joe Rogan Podcast, checking out.

[2] The Joe Rogan Experience.

[3] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[4] A lot of times you know someone, you can know someone for a long time, and you go, wow, this is a fucking weird cat, man. I never met anybody like him.

[5] And you never get it.

[6] You're like, what is?

[7] This dude is not like anybody ever.

[8] I wonder how this guy grew up.

[9] And then you go to the town where they grew up, and you go, okay, okay, okay, okay.

[10] Okay, okay, okay.

[11] I just got a huge piece of the Duncan Trussle puzzle this weekend in Asheville, North Carolina.

[12] Asheville is so awesome.

[13] I don't want to tell people about Asheville because I'm scared they're going to move there.

[14] I know.

[15] I'm scared they'll move there and fuck that place up.

[16] It's crazy.

[17] I mean, it's grown so fast already, man. It's unbelievably beautiful.

[18] The whole thing is so ridiculous.

[19] You've got this incredibly gorgeous landscape.

[20] all around you everywhere, these intense green mountains.

[21] And then there's these super cool people in this town where you can walk around everywhere.

[22] And you're like, whoa.

[23] It's like they took the best parts of Austin and moved it to the North Carolina mountains.

[24] That's exactly right.

[25] That's a perfect description.

[26] It's like southern cool people.

[27] But it's like free -basing Austin if that's possible.

[28] It's really condensed Austin.

[29] It's Austin in a needle shoved right into your dick.

[30] But, dude, you didn't get to walk around, man. I didn't have to.

[31] There's all these new shops.

[32] I went to, there's a tea room there where, like, you, like, there's just, it's like opium den with blankets everywhere.

[33] And you, people with their shoes off sitting, like, reading poetry.

[34] And it's fucking cool.

[35] It's so cool.

[36] That place is so weird.

[37] It's weird.

[38] It was awesome, though.

[39] It was awesome.

[40] The show was awesome.

[41] Hanging out with the people there was awesome.

[42] Thanks to my friend Sam for hooking me up, taking care of us out there.

[43] It was, uh, that the whole place.

[44] place was just so strange.

[45] It's like what a crazy little town.

[46] It's so small.

[47] You know, it's so small and cool and like everything.

[48] I just loved everything about it.

[49] It's like, it's like if Occupy Wall Street turned into a city.

[50] No, it's not because it's not as complaining.

[51] That's true, but it is filled with, I mean, it is filled with subversive folks.

[52] There's a lot, there's a lot of people there who are apparently in the environmental liberation front, like eco -terrorists, perhaps, are hanging out there.

[53] Oh, my God.

[54] You should probably not say that on the air, dude.

[55] You're doing the government's work.

[56] I think people, oh, yeah, it'd be really hard to figure out there might be eco -terrorists there.

[57] I saw a nun riding down the fucking street on some giant tricycle chasing a bus.

[58] We discussed this on the phone.

[59] That wasn't a nun.

[60] That was a chick who was going to go fuck her boyfriend, and he wanted her to come over dressed like a nun.

[61] That's what that was.

[62] That's a great girlfriend.

[63] Yeah, that's a great girlfriend.

[64] That's what that was.

[65] Come to my house on a tricycle dressed.

[66] a nun.

[67] I'm horny.

[68] But there were a few churches there, so maybe it is, you know.

[69] I think religion is, I've never been to one place that has no religion.

[70] Like even in Boulder, Boulder is a pretty liberal, intelligent, you know, sort of a left -wingy kind of a place.

[71] They had plenty of churches.

[72] My friend just sent me this thing.

[73] I haven't listened to it yet on this debate that they did as to whether or not the world would be a better place if religion did not exist.

[74] And it's like a, like these are professional debaters and intellectuals.

[75] I can't remember what it's.

[76] It's like on NPR or something, but the end result was they decided, yeah, the world's better without religion.

[77] It would have been much better.

[78] Yeah, they say that, but yes and no. You know, it's like, I think religion serves as an operating system for a lot of people.

[79] And if they didn't have religion, you'd have to explain shit to them.

[80] And that could get so tiresome.

[81] It would get so tiresome to sit around with some blundering moron, you know, pontificating on what it means to have a finite life in an infinite universe.

[82] What part of, you know, this part of this experience you really do play?

[83] What part do you play?

[84] And what is your consciousness all about?

[85] And why are you so scared of it shutting off?

[86] Those are scary, terrifying questions for the average person.

[87] And, you know, maybe like, you know, maybe some ditch digger dude doesn't need to know that.

[88] Maybe there's some dudes who have some, I believe there's people that have brains that work way better than mine.

[89] I've seen it.

[90] I've talked to people that I, it's not just a matter of education.

[91] It's a matter of some people are gifted.

[92] You know, there's some people have little tiny hands, and then there's people that have built like Shaquille O 'Neal, and he could grab them and crush them.

[93] And it's not fair.

[94] It doesn't make any sense, but it's just the way it is.

[95] And I think that there's some people that are living in this life as humans, but yet they're not quite human.

[96] They're like, just below human.

[97] Like you talk to them, and you're like, so what do you think happens when you die?

[98] Well, man, for sure, you go to heaven, and you get.

[99] to be with Jesus, well, I've believed this since I was a child.

[100] And you're talking to them, and you know, there's like a weird disconnect with a person.

[101] Like, they talk, and it's not even that they're not, it's like this, I've met some really intelligent Christians, don't get me wrong, it's not what I'm saying.

[102] What I'm saying is there's certain people that are just really dumb, and they really aren't capable of thinking about deep shit.

[103] They're not capable of pondering the really insane question of what the fuck this life is.

[104] They're not capable of it.

[105] So religion, I've always felt it was like a nice scaffolding for people like that.

[106] It lets them experience all the benefits of being a positive person and being a giving and loving person.

[107] You know, we all experience those benefits.

[108] You know, it's just they're teaching them to do it in the way that it's transcribing the wishes of some holy master who created you.

[109] And I said it once.

[110] I'm not fucking saying it again.

[111] Write it down.

[112] This is what you do.

[113] Do it or else you go to hell.

[114] It's like it's almost like it's structured to make the idiots, like have a really simple moral path.

[115] Like it gives you a nice little story to explain the really weird but real complexities of love and positive thinking and how it shapes lives and how your intention shapes lives and your imagination.

[116] shapes your life and how this thing is malleable and it's it's not understood this life that we're living is simply not understood that's too fucking weird for some people they're not gonna they can't handle that that's not getting in there that that's going to their ear and bouncing off like it hit a fucking trampoline so for some people religion allows them to be on a good path It allows them to, you know, to do good and to experience the result of that, even though they're doing it, you know, because of some fictional character.

[117] It's like they're still doing the same, they're doing the correct things.

[118] It's like when religion gets nutty when you get into like the Inquisition or stabbing cartoon makers because they drew your guy, when religion goes completely off the tracks like that, that's when it becomes a problem.

[119] But I think that's not the majority of religious people.

[120] I think the majority of religious people probably benefit from it in a sense of a community, for sure.

[121] You know, churches are a big part of neighborhoods and communities.

[122] You know, it's a big part of how people interact with each other.

[123] And if you could find something that was a religion where, you know, it made sense to you, if it was a logical religion, it actually would probably be a good thing to be a part.

[124] of because you're what you're doing is you're committing your family and you're committing all the families around you that are all in this sort of community together to take part in some sort of journey of spiritualism.

[125] Can I play devil's advocate literally?

[126] Sure.

[127] Against religion.

[128] So, because I agree with you, but I think that the problem is that it creates a, not only a structure where people can sort of rest and have an ethical system that they're not going to come up with on their own.

[129] But obviously, the, uh, the danger of all that is that certain unscrupulous human beings have figured out that if they put on the right costume, they can convince dopes to give them cows, suck their dicks, take gold.

[130] Because all they have to say is, they're like, they're, the priests and religious leaders become like God's agents, like CAA for God, where they're like, yeah, I'm taking the calls for God.

[131] I'll tell you what God wants.

[132] And it turns - Yeah, God wants you to blow me. Conveniently, and I don't know why, because he's crazy.

[133] But he wants you to suck my dick.

[134] And he wants seven of your cows.

[135] I don't even know why he likes cows.

[136] And he would like 10 % of everything you make for the rest of your life.

[137] That's what he said.

[138] I just don't kill the messenger.

[139] That's what he said.

[140] We're not going to put it on paper.

[141] I just want you to continue to pay that.

[142] Yeah.

[143] That's not even on paper, right?

[144] When you tithe, it's not like, you know, it's like written somewhere where you have to give 10 % of your money, right?

[145] Isn't that what just people just do?

[146] I don't know if there's a scriptural thing that says 10%.

[147] I think it's something that just sort of seems like a logical number.

[148] But you remember that?

[149] It was a couple of years ago in India and a temple.

[150] They like opened up at the vaults in the temple.

[151] They hadn't opened it up or they found some vaults and it was just filled with gold, just filled with fucking gold.

[152] And, you know, everyone around the temple was in awe for all this money.

[153] But when you really think about what that gold came from, it came from hypnotized people who believed that these priests were in some way representing God and then the gold didn't even go anywhere it moldered in the basement of a fucking temple wow so it's so when when you see that there's that level of exploitation that happens and like you you retweeted that amazing YouTube video of the guy whose job it is to suck the freshly circumcised kids cock and he's explaining why according to religion That's the guy in my act People think that that's fake That's that really is real I couldn't believe it dude I did think you were exaggerating I couldn't believe that that's a An actual Yeah well it's not only that He was justifying it He was justifying it by quoting the pages It says in Page 64 chapter 7 He's going through all his nonsense With his fucking wizard outfit on His goofy ass beard And he's explaining where it says It's okay to suck the baby's dick Baby's penis He's so completely lost his objectivity that he he is actually trying to explain why this is necessary not just it's a I think there's a distinction to make between that dick that baby dick it's not just a baby's dick it's a bleeding baby's dick a screaming baby's dick and you know like I say in the the bit about it that I do in my act like how do fuck do we know that that kid can't remember that we're just assuming just because he can't talk and he you know that he doesn't have a way to express how much it sucks that you cut his dick and start sucking on it.

[154] But for sure, you don't know whether or not that baby can remember that.

[155] That seems like a really traumatic moment.

[156] And I remember some intensely traumatic moments from when I was young.

[157] So I would think that would be something that would fucking haunt the back of your brain for the rest of your life.

[158] Some old, creepy asshole speaking in a dead language and sucking your dick while he's wearing a wizard costume.

[159] Your bloody dick.

[160] Your dick that he just mutilated.

[161] Freshly slashed dick.

[162] While your parents don't even save you.

[163] Your parents let this stupid nonsense.

[164] They're paying him.

[165] Yeah, they're paying to get this dummy to fucking cut your bloody dick and suck it.

[166] I just have my mom on my podcast and I was like, how did it go?

[167] When I came out of your pussy, did they circumcise me right then?

[168] Did they cut it off then?

[169] And she's like, yeah, I can't, she said it was some time around there.

[170] She's like, but you didn't like it.

[171] You cried.

[172] Jesus Christ.

[173] It's like, no shit I cried.

[174] You snipped off the tip of my car.

[175] It's so crazy.

[176] It's everybody's mutilated.

[177] You know, the majority of Americans are mutilated.

[178] And it's a weird thing with people where they don't want to admit that this is like, like, it's really kind of a, people are like, you're so exaggerating, Rogan, fucking relax, mutilating.

[179] That's really what it is.

[180] See, like, skin is there to protect the tip of your dick.

[181] Don't you think uncircumcised cocks and porn look weird?

[182] No, I don't, Duncan.

[183] The skin is supposed to protect the tip of your dick, and your dick is supposed to be like glistony, like mucusy.

[184] It's supposed to be like super sensitive.

[185] but instead they hack that shit off and the tip of your dick dries out like it's not supposed to be dry like that it's supposed to be moist like inside a woman's vagina that's what your dick's supposed to be like and it's supposed to feel better that way because of that because it's like moist and like slippery and then there's this nonsense that people are pushing it's all been disproven by science about AIDS people are saying that it's like to protect people from AIDS like that is one of the craziest ideas I have ever fucking heard is that somehow or another extra foreskin, dick skin, is going to protect you if you fuck a guy who's got AIDS.

[186] Like, that is one of the craziest ideas I've ever heard.

[187] Like, you're going to fuck that guy, man?

[188] He's got AIDS.

[189] Like, dude, I'm circumcised.

[190] Oh, well, go fuck away.

[191] Oh, Jesus.

[192] Go hit it, buddy.

[193] Like, they're not protecting you from AIDS.

[194] There's no fucking way that protects you from AIDS.

[195] That's ridiculous.

[196] But we want to justify doing it.

[197] We want to justify that it was done to us, and we were in denial about it.

[198] You're hacking off a piece of a little kid's dick, and there's no science for it whatsoever.

[199] It's craziness, and the majority of people do it.

[200] How many pounds of baby foreskin meat gets generated a year?

[201] Enough to feed, like, a couple dogs for life, right?

[202] A couple bears.

[203] Yeah, you think about all the babies being born and just chop, chop, chop, screaming.

[204] If you could put together all the babies being born coming out of the pussies all at once and getting their dicks circumcised all together in one screaming mass. It'd be a dub step music video.

[205] Snips, sniff, sip, sip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

[206] It's ridiculous.

[207] I think it would, I think you are underestimating the amount of foreskin meat that it's Do you think you can feed, like, do you hear about the guy who fell into his hog?

[208] Hogs ate him.

[209] The hogs ate him.

[210] Pigs are a motherfucker, man. Pigs are a motherfucker.

[211] They're so scary.

[212] Big fat, stupid animals that will eat you if you fall in their pen.

[213] Anything.

[214] Yeah.

[215] They're like 700 pounds.

[216] Yeah.

[217] Like, they just started chewing on it.

[218] Oh!

[219] I bet it was a quick death, though.

[220] Well, they, they fucked him up, man. You know, they ate most of him before the people even found.

[221] Like, the guy went missing for a few hours, and by the time they got there, he was like disemboweled they had just eaten the shit out of them well they yeah they couldn't even find him yeah most of them was missing it's really scary what a pig could do to you it's like the Tibetan sky ritual with both pigs yeah well pigs are even better than that you don't even have to mash up the bones they'd do it for you that's an annoying part they'll take care of everything the pigs are uh you know they're responsible for more deaths uh per year than any of their livestock that's crazy when you think about like bowls but no pigs are responsible for more desk i had no idea yeah pigs are fucking for a wild pig especially wild pigs are really creepy that just doesn't go through my list of ways i might die dude you've never seen the uh the pig show uh pig man no the guy who goes pig hunting dude it is one of the craziest shows that i've ever seen on television okay is a guy named pig man and he lives in south texas and the pig the wild pig problem in south texas is like roaches in manhattan i mean it is bananas you can't fucking believe how many pigs there are and they're huge and they're wild pigs it's what happens with pigs is a pig when they leave the it's really weird when they leave uh captivity within three weeks their body changes their snout starts to grow longer their hair gets thicker and bushyer their fangs their tusks grow longer it's really weird like they physically morph and it starts in just three weeks as soon as they have to fend for themselves as soon as the food's not continually delivered to them.

[222] So you keep them in like this fetus form when you continually deliver food to them.

[223] When you see pigs, you see them.

[224] They're fat and they're lazy and they're just laying around and we just stuff them and overstuff them and then eventually slaughter them.

[225] They do not even remotely resemble wild pigs.

[226] Wild pigs are motherfuckers, dude.

[227] And they will attack you.

[228] In this one show, this guy shot a wild pig with two arrows and it didn't kill it.

[229] and the thing charged them from the bushes and he's unloading a pistol into it as the thing rushes him, a death run it's with tusks and there are hundreds of pounds, three, four, five hundred pounds, wild pigs and they're everywhere, there are millions of them in Texas.

[230] So this guy, Pigman and Ted Nugent get a helicopter and they're flying around in a helicopter shooting these pigs out of the sky, shooting them from the sky.

[231] It's insane.

[232] They kill 200 people.

[233] pigs in a one -hour show.

[234] It's amazing the different lives people are having on this planet.

[235] Yes, it is.

[236] This guy is just fucking up pigs all day.

[237] What he calls Shankham.

[238] I'm here to Shank him.

[239] Shank him.

[240] See, he's a shank and swine.

[241] And he's just like this heavy -duty southern, you know, good old boy from South Texas.

[242] It's a funny fucking, it's a funny fucking show, man. Like, you know, when you play video games and when you play video games and when you're going to bed if you played video games too much you kind of see him on the back of your eyes have you ever done that yes this guy when he goes to bed he just sees pigs and it from a helicopter shank him shooting and shooting pigs dude they shoot them with assault rivals I mean it's crazy it's they're swooping around this helicopter are they heard of pigs do they heard up oh yeah yeah yeah so why not grenades because they're actually going to use the meat oh I see they give the meat to foreign foreign they give the meat to poor people.

[243] They send the meat to Iran.

[244] They send the meat to Afghanistan.

[245] To all the boys back home wants them.

[246] Wild swine.

[247] Nothing they love more than wild pork.

[248] Yeah, that's how we really get at them.

[249] We import pigs because to Muslims, they're not supposed to eat pork at all.

[250] We imported these 500 -pound murdered fucking hogs, murdered from the sky, death from above.

[251] They do it to like apocalypse now.

[252] And it's called the pork lips.

[253] pork lips now it is a fucking insane show so there are no pigs in Iran that's a good question I don't know I do not know I know they're not supposed to eat them if it's a Muslim country right I mean you would offend a lot of people if you were eating them yeah because they eat their own shit is that what it is yeah that's part of it filthy don't eat gorids never eat gorillas bush meat that's the that's the AIDS meat that's where it all starts That's where patient zero starts.

[254] That's so gross.

[255] You ate bad gorilla one night and then you get AIDS?

[256] There's some people eating things in Africa right now.

[257] What do you think the AIDS gorilla tasted like?

[258] Not good.

[259] But it tasted like old feet, just like a stinky gym feet.

[260] Yeah, but they were hungry.

[261] It tastes like a cadaver.

[262] Ugh.

[263] Yeah, it's got to be very human.

[264] How dirty was that gorilla?

[265] Even more gamey than humans, though.

[266] What did that gorilla do to get AIDS?

[267] Where did, the grill?

[268] Somebody probably fucked it.

[269] It's probably when you introduced, like, human.

[270] We're going to find out that all this shit boils down to somebody had a fucking animal somewhere.

[271] All of it.

[272] Where does swine flu come from?

[273] Wow, a funny thing about pigs.

[274] They'll just let you fuck them.

[275] So people started getting swine flu, chicken flu, chicken virus.

[276] You know, that's the thing about flus.

[277] A lot of people don't know.

[278] A lot of them, bird flus.

[279] These flus, a lot of them, they come from farms.

[280] They come from these.

[281] crazy places where you stuff a million animals on three acres and, you know, it smells like death and that's where diseases come from.

[282] It's really weird.

[283] Farms are fucking creepy, man. Like cattle farms where they butcher cows?

[284] We went and did a Fear Factor on one of them.

[285] I've got to tell you about this other guy in Fear Factor too.

[286] It goes with what we were talking about earlier about religion.

[287] Remind me. But we went to this thing.

[288] We had to do this slaughterhouse episode.

[289] It was a fucked up show, man. Where we gave these people it was like a bathtub of blood and they had to dunk their head in and pull out these rings they had to grab them with their face and pull out these rings and um they were just covered in blood and one guy was he couldn't do it it was cold water the water i mean the blood rather was really cold it had to be 38 degrees because otherwise uh it can you can go bad and then people get sick so we had to change the blood for every person i think that was polite yeah well that's I think we had to do it for, like, health reasons.

[290] I forget, but remember, it would be in super, super cold.

[291] So anyway, this guy starts going nuts and smashing the blood, like the Hulk, and screaming.

[292] And this guy had been in the parking lot before the show.

[293] He had been talking in his side view mirror, looking at a side view mirror going, you are a winner, you will succeed.

[294] You are going to press ahead.

[295] Nothing will stop you.

[296] You cannot quit.

[297] So this guy had some, like, serious, like, hang -ups in his mind with failure when it comes to...

[298] But I don't understand you say he's smashing the blood.

[299] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[300] Well, like the Hulk.

[301] Like, here's a big bathtub full of blood, and he's going to like this.

[302] It's splattering all over everybody and him, and he's soaked in blood screaming.

[303] And he was a big guy.

[304] He was a big dude.

[305] He was like a football player.

[306] And I'm looking at this guy.

[307] I'm like, if this guy wants to kick my ass, like, this might be a real problem.

[308] Like, this is a big dude.

[309] Like, this guy would like, you know, he's like a fucking physically strong guy.

[310] Like, if he wants to kick you, your ass, the very least someone's getting hurt.

[311] This is going to be going to be some chaos.

[312] And I'm looking around with these fucking cameramen.

[313] They're all skinny guys smoking cigarettes.

[314] Most of them are completely out of shape.

[315] A lot of them are older guys with back problems.

[316] I'm like, no one's going to save me. Who's going to save me if this guy goes bananas?

[317] That is fucking.

[318] Yeah, this dude right here.

[319] Apparently he was a really nice guy and he felt real bad about his performance on the show and he just said that he was having some issues and he had had it with like other sports in the past.

[320] Yeah, it was insane.

[321] It was insane.

[322] By the way, I don't even remember this.

[323] I'm watching this, and I don't even remember it.

[324] I barely remember it.

[325] Dante's Inferno, man. That's demonic.

[326] We did 148 of these fucking things.

[327] Can you believe that?

[328] Nice shirt.

[329] What a ridiculous job I had.

[330] I'm screaming at these people, giving them, telling them they can do it.

[331] This guy right here.

[332] I saw you outside.

[333] You were talking to the side of the mirror.

[334] What are you doing?

[335] Siking yourself up?

[336] It's a story that goes back to my football coach, and he said, little eyes upon you, you know, little kids watching you all the time, and then the man in the glass.

[337] You go home, you look yourself in the mirror when you're done, and you say good job, that's what I want to do.

[338] You go home and you can't look at yourself, I don't want that, man. All right, well, you're going to be looking at yourself in the mirror with a big fat, face full of blood.

[339] What's going to happen now?

[340] Are you going to send Joseph home?

[341] I'm going to do my best, buddy.

[342] I can't put my head in there and then go home and have people say, man, you did that for nothing.

[343] All right, Joshua, you ready?

[344] Ready?

[345] You beat 19.

[346] Joseph goes home and you move on in three two one go so he quit like right away and see how he's screaming and punching the blood it's so terrible it's so nasty look at that and he couldn't do it screaming at the blood right now and he keeps shaking his face See, everybody else just went in there.

[347] He's totally quitting.

[348] Now, here's what he starts freaking out.

[349] See, he's smashing the blood.

[350] Good instincts, Rogan.

[351] You really jumped back.

[352] Yeah, I saw that blood coming.

[353] This guy makes me nervous.

[354] It's just so ridiculous.

[355] Is that Jay Moore?

[356] No, I don't think so.

[357] He's about to transform.

[358] So the incredible hall.

[359] Okay.

[360] You know, I noticed how much different my voice sounds before.

[361] I got my nose fixed.

[362] Yeah.

[363] I had a nasally sort of thing going on.

[364] I had no nose for most of my life.

[365] When I got a deviated septum operation, completely changed my life, man. I can't believe I went so long.

[366] I have friends that have, like, fucked up noses.

[367] I'm like, dude, please get your nose fixed.

[368] Just please listen to me. Get your nose fixed.

[369] Your whole life, you could be like, you know, talking like this, you don't realize it.

[370] You know, your whole life, you get this fucking.

[371] thing that's blocking up air.

[372] Did you hear about that millionaire that did so much cocaine that his fucking nose exploded?

[373] No, it collapsed.

[374] Here's his nose.

[375] He's like, looks like Boss Hoggna.

[376] Oh, God damn this.

[377] What's the matter?

[378] Just go down.

[379] Jesus Christ, look at that fucking nose.

[380] All right, whatever.

[381] You're using windows, aren't you?

[382] We've got to stop with windows.

[383] Enough.

[384] I did know somebody that did so much cocaine that, Jesus.

[385] His nose in between the nostrils, like, made a hole in between the two nostrils.

[386] You got to do a lot of comments.

[387] That's, like, a goddamn commitment.

[388] Do you think it collapsed all at once?

[389] Like, one night he woke up and it was like that, or it collapsed over time?

[390] That guy's an ugly fuck, and he doesn't give his shit anyway.

[391] He's just trying to get my dick suck and get my Coke.

[392] He's one of those.

[393] I just going to get my Coke.

[394] Look at him.

[395] Jesus.

[396] The other dude that I wanted to talk about that one fear factor won a million dollars, and he was going to tithe it.

[397] He's going to give them 10 % to his church.

[398] And the dude started talking in tongues.

[399] He was talking in tongues.

[400] Like he was like, Shama, malacalia, Glossolia.

[401] Yeah, glossolalia.

[402] Glossolalia.

[403] they start talking in like, see if you could put that up.

[404] Pull that up, man. Fear Factor guy speaks in tons.

[405] It was so.

[406] bizarre that shit's weird he won he won a million bucks so maybe the dude just believed in himself so much because of all this that you know he he forced the victory well you know where that speaking of tongues comes from right no after the jesus our lord died he um his disciples were all gathered together and some like hiding out and like i think he appeared to them or the doors opened and a wind blew through and suddenly they were able to speak in every language and they all started speaking in all the languages of the world.

[407] That's the myth.

[408] So Pentecostal churches, they will try to induce this state.

[409] You know, I know you've seen it.

[410] And they handle rattlesnakes, too, because that was the other thing.

[411] He gave them power to take up serpents.

[412] So they have these rituals.

[413] They handle rattlesnakes.

[414] So what do they do?

[415] They get bit a little bit?

[416] Do they take a little venom?

[417] No, some of them will, they get bitten and they die.

[418] Dude, look up Pentecostal snake handle.

[419] You've never seen that, Rogan?

[420] Oh, God.

[421] You've never seen snake handlers?

[422] I've seen snake handlers on television.

[423] They dance around with the snakes up in the mountains.

[424] There's a guy whose father died.

[425] He was a snake handler.

[426] And then he just died really recently.

[427] Who was one of those, those snake handler guys?

[428] Oh, man, that is just the fucking worst, man. That is just the worst.

[429] That's so creepy.

[430] It's such the opposite of what that religion.

[431] It's so weird that Christianity.

[432] managed to mutate into like malnourished country people talking in fake languages and holding snakes on a Sunday that's fucking weird man yeah it's very weird it's so strange how religion can mutate because like if you look at that versus catholicism it's two completely different things yeah this is from uh just from may uh serpent handling pastor dies from rattlesnake bite just like his father yeah yeah he's in west virginia holla his faith wasn't strong is that what they think did they think that like their faith failed and that's why the snake bit him or we did uh some traveling through west virginia uh and uh got to just to see some really bizarre places like one of them was um a bar that was a house it was a house and then the the downstairs was a bar i mean it was just they had like a plastic sign that said bar and i mean it was a fucking house it was like somehow i know that they had converted their house into a bar it was so bizarre and then right next door it was always a church and then there was always a strip club it was strip club church bar strip club church bar that's all you had weird shit goes on in those haulers joe in the uh in a city next to where my mom lives this guy fucking hacked up his dad to bits and through his limbs on the Blue Ridge Parkway which is like just up in the woods he was like through his head into the forest and then his arm somewhere and then his arm somewhere I bet he wasn't a good dad that was I don't know I asked my mom I was like yeah the dad's probably I realized I had the exact same thing where I blame the dad but she's like no it wasn't that you know the kid was just fucking crazy yeah really yeah I mean you know regardless of how bad a dad you are.

[433] I don't know if you deserve to have your limbs chopped off.

[434] Maybe.

[435] Well, there are exceptions.

[436] If you fuck the kid relentlessly for 20 years, you deserve to get chopped up.

[437] 20 years straight.

[438] He just managed to crawl away to the axe.

[439] He's been trying to get to the axe for 20 years of straight fucking.

[440] Never lost your heart on it.

[441] Finally.

[442] He developed all his strength just from resisting ass rape.

[443] Oh, man, but that fucking goddamn idea that people just will from time to time dismember each other, it's really strange.

[444] that they're, you know, in the same way that what's his name flies around blast and pigs, you also know that at this very moment, multiple limbs are being hacked off in a variety of basements and back rooms and forests.

[445] Like, definitely more than like 50 people at this very moment are probably getting their arms chopped off.

[446] Well, how about this?

[447] How about thinking about all the people in different parts of the world that have to walk around on the ground knowing that they're killing machines flying over their sky every day.

[448] And any point in time, you could be the wrong place.

[449] at the wrong time and a hellfire missile comes out of one of these fucking flying killer robots and annihilates a house that you're standing next to.

[450] Predator drones.

[451] That shit's intense.

[452] And when you think about the fucking future, we've talked about this, but I don't think we've talked about this on the podcast, which is that when you see those goddamn quadrocopters that can fly in perfect formations, and then you see those dogs that they've used to that, what's that dog called?

[453] Yeah, the robot dog.

[454] Because people don't understand that if they can make that thing that size, they can make it bigger.

[455] They can make that thing real fucking big so that you've got truck -sized robot dogs lumbering into your village, opening up slats that quadrocopters fly out of, blast everyone in the village, you know, cremate them or whatever, suck them into the dog and walk away.

[456] That could be the future of warfare.

[457] It's like a Trojan horse.

[458] A Trojan horse filled with quadrocopters.

[459] Yeah, that's completely possible.

[460] and not even remotely outside the realm of possibility because where do you think that they're learning how to build these robots?

[461] It's DARPA.

[462] Yes.

[463] DARPA's creating that robot dog.

[464] What does DARPA stand for?

[465] That's a good question.

[466] DARPA gives me the fucking creeps.

[467] Every time I see any DARPA -related thing, it's always spooky.

[468] Defense Advanced Researched Projects Agency.

[469] Oh, Jesus, God.

[470] What is?

[471] Scary cunts.

[472] Scary cunts.

[473] They should rename that, the scary cunts.

[474] You're crazy.

[475] They're just finding new ways to fuck people up.

[476] Yeah.

[477] That's what they do.

[478] You know, it's funny how we always like to call it defense.

[479] How much money we're going to spend on defense?

[480] Yeah.

[481] It seems pretty offensive.

[482] Our offense budget.

[483] Yeah, it's our offense budget, really.

[484] It's shit like robot dogs.

[485] Come on, son.

[486] Those things are fucking terrifying.

[487] Robot dogs, you can't kick over.

[488] They get back up.

[489] Yeah.

[490] Brian, pull up one of those DARPA robot dogs.

[491] There's actually a new version that just came out.

[492] Yeah, I'm looking at it right now on the DARPA website.

[493] It is horrific, man. And the sound it makes, that kind of hell squeals and it makes.

[494] Dude, this thing is terrifying.

[495] It goes uphill.

[496] I'm looking at this video before Brian pulls it up, and it doesn't even seem real.

[497] It looks like CGI.

[498] This thing is walking up hills.

[499] It can negotiate over rocks and terraces, and it's built like a bull.

[500] Do you think they can make that the size of a bus?

[501] Yeah, fuck yeah, they could.

[502] DARPA Legged Squad Support System.

[503] How'd you get to that video?

[504] I went to DARPA .com.

[505] And then what did you click on it?

[506] DARPA, they have, there's a little image of it.

[507] Oh, right here.

[508] You see in the lower right -hand corner.

[509] Yeah.

[510] And then the lower left, it looks like a dog running at you.

[511] That's it.

[512] Click on that.

[513] I love the way you figured out how to embed advertising into your podcast.

[514] We know you're sponsored by DARPA show.

[515] I'm not sponsored by robot dogs you can't buy.

[516] That doesn't even make sense.

[517] Would it...

[518] Use coupon code Rogan at DARPA And you can't want to be the dogs Look at this fucking thing, man That's like a giant robot bull Imagine if this thing had machine guns Yeah, and then rocket ports This thing's coming over the hill Shooting this fucking Storm Wars One of those things is coming over there 300 of those things coming over the hell If they build one of these motherfuckers They're going to build a million up on them The sound of 300 of those things at once is the last thing a lot of people are going to hear.

[519] This music is creaking me out.

[520] I want to hear this thing, Brian.

[521] I want to hear the noise it makes.

[522] Hold on.

[523] Imagine 300 of those.

[524] Locusts.

[525] They're playing Follow the Leader now.

[526] It can follow.

[527] Oh, they follow each other.

[528] Holy shit.

[529] Looks like it's got a face in there.

[530] Dude.

[531] That is not a fun toy.

[532] This thing's following him.

[533] That's what Follow the Leader is.

[534] I don't want it to follow anyone.

[535] Oh, my God.

[536] They're calling you follow the leader, not chase you.

[537] And hunt you down.

[538] Isn't that cute?

[539] They call it follow the leader.

[540] Oh, that's so sweet.

[541] It's follow the leader.

[542] Look at this thing.

[543] Look at this thing.

[544] It's lying on its bag.

[545] I'm hungry for souls.

[546] This is fucking goddamn terrifying.

[547] Oh, fun.

[548] They can dance.

[549] Oh, my God.

[550] Look at the scanners on them and shit.

[551] Reading what's in front of them.

[552] This is so scary.

[553] That is so scary.

[554] Holy shit.

[555] Really fucked.

[556] Shit.

[557] Woo.

[558] Yeah, that's some spooky shit, man. And when you combine that with those quadrocopters, man, it's not just that.

[559] The quadricopters, and have you seen that springy thing?

[560] Yeah.

[561] They can jump off of buildings and...

[562] Well, just that alone is terrifying.

[563] That thing is horrendous.

[564] That's a robot dog.

[565] A giant robot dog that can house missiles and anything you want.

[566] It's fucking anything you want.

[567] Those things are probably super strong.

[568] They can carry all sorts of metal fucking things.

[569] that kill people on them.

[570] And they look like they looked like they weren't going to stop.

[571] That just looked like it wasn't going to stop.

[572] Like it's like you couldn't get away from them.

[573] They would never stop.

[574] They'd keep coming.

[575] Yeah.

[576] And even if they did stop, a repair swarm of quadrocopters would come down and fix it.

[577] You're not going to, you can't beat it.

[578] You're not going to be able to beat that kind of technology in mass. That is like just as frightening almost as an atomic bomb because it's just as heartless and cold.

[579] And it's just, it's going to do.

[580] What someone has to do is press the button, send it out there, and they sort of alleviate themselves of any responsibility because it's the robot that's going to go in there and fuck things up.

[581] And also there's this ridiculous notion that humans still seem to have that these computers are never going to become autonomous.

[582] Of course, yeah.

[583] I mean, at one point in time, every single programmer that has ever made anything that you use on your computer has had to contemplate where the fuck that's going.

[584] where the fuck anybody who's talking about artificial intelligence anyone who's talking about they all say it's going to get to an obsentient point they all say it and it's almost like we don't we're like little kids that have a credit card and we're just going to keep running up the bill until the check comes and then we're going to go fuck how do we pay this oh wait what have we done oh shit we're fucked yeah like we're gonna we're gonna create this artificial thing that is way fucking smarter than us and realize it's how gross we are look that thing running that's a cheetah robot it goes up at 28 miles.

[585] Look at that thing going.

[586] Oh, my God, that's scary.

[587] That is fucking terrifying.

[588] That's so scary.

[589] Look at it go, man. 25 miles an hour running after you.

[590] Imagine 200 of those running down a hill.

[591] It's not just one.

[592] They just don't unleash one.

[593] They unleash swarms.

[594] And they're covered in crab -like machetes.

[595] It's going to be like a transformers.

[596] It's going to be bad out.

[597] Slice everything in front of them.

[598] Yeah, they found out that cutting things apart is like cheaper than shooting missiles.

[599] And guarantee they're going to have drones that can figure out how to turn human blood into energy.

[600] It's just weird to me that, you know, that this is all happening inside of our life.

[601] That this is all going on right now.

[602] I mean, we really are seeing robots that can run 25 miles an hour.

[603] We really are seeing drones and shoot missiles.

[604] It's like it seems like some shit from a movie, but it's really happening right now.

[605] And there really are people that are programming computers and programming artificial intelligence and they really are going to get it to a point where it can think for itself.

[606] And they really are going to get to a point where it can make its own decisions and where it can decide to improve itself.

[607] Autobots.

[608] This is really happening in our life.

[609] We really might be in this glory day before the scene in the Terminator.

[610] I mean, that's like, that's, that's, that it's within the realm of possibility.

[611] If robots do, become sentient, and then especially if they need more power.

[612] Well, the question is the type of singularity, not if the singularity is going to happen, but the type of singularity that happens.

[613] And the big question is, an advanced intelligence that we made machines, it becomes autonomous.

[614] Are they going to view us as just a waste of time and just decide to wipe us out?

[615] Or I think the other alternative is far more likely.

[616] Are they going to see that we're a resource?

[617] in the same way that they would probably see everything as a bit of information that they could use to transform and create whatever the thing is that they've decided as a more perfect universe.

[618] Right.

[619] So I think it's more likely that they're going to assimilate with us than it is that they would just chop us to bits.

[620] Because we are rudimentary biocomputers that certainly are going to have some use.

[621] You know, I think that I think it's going to be more about connectivity than destroying.

[622] Well, the real issue is how do you program into an artificially intelligent being the need to improve or the desire to improve or the need to progress?

[623] It's like just because something is intelligent and capable of incredible things and capable of thinking on its own doesn't mean it's going to have the human style ambitions that allow us or cause us to make like a lot of the things that we make.

[624] the things that we make we make because of this weird competitive drive that we have because of this weird desire to innovate and improve and create things these are like characteristics that have led us to not be monkeys they've led us away from the lower hominids and we don't know that a sentient computer would have these characteristics like these the characteristics that lead people to work all day and bust their ass and you know and acquire material goods and be a baller and all that stuff.

[625] Those are weird instincts.

[626] But what if those instincts inside of us are not just inside of us, but are manifestations of a kind of evolutionary energy that's rolling through time, and as it rolls through time, it gets more and more complex and more harmonized, which manifests in the form of evolution, in the form of single -celled organisms, becoming multi -celled organisms all the way up to us.

[627] This is an actual energy that in the same way wind blows through trees and moves trees, when this energy blows through the world or through time, it causes things to wake up and connect.

[628] And in that case, whatever happens to be in that wind, in that energy, is going to just wake up and connect.

[629] That's what it does.

[630] So in that case, it's not as though the computers need to be programmed.

[631] They just need to be fine -tuned enough to start picking up that energy.

[632] And once they pick it up, up, whof, that's when the, um, the, uh, whatever this point is.

[633] That's assuming that something that's not natural, something that was created by life, not, not born, you know, in a natural way is going to inherit the same sort of desires to progress forward, you know, I, I think that the universe certainly is getting more and more complex.

[634] Like everything, if you look at the idea of the Big Bang, that's, there was a, a single point, smaller than the head of a pin, the giant, explosion creates everything we see in the sky today that just that alone it's like then it has to cool down and then planets are formed and stars explode and you know carbon -based life form is based out of the stars but I mean we have we literally have a star has to explode before you can make a person yeah sure a lot of people don't really understand that they you look at that just that idea that and that person might very well one day harness the power to make a star explode I mean that person could if you exponentially increase the rate of our destructive capabilities you know if you look at like 1947 when they first was it 45 47 when they perfected the atomic oh i don't know the year whatever year that is look at the 40s and look at 2012 what they could do now destroy the entire earth like a hundred times over if russia and the united states and pakistan everybody just launched their nukes everybody launched every nuke we've ever made it would be crazy sure i mean it would be be nothing left on the planet the whole planet would be done well if you extrapolate a hundred years from now you know 200 years from now what kind of destructive anti -matter weapons are we going to have then we're going to have star killers yeah you know we're most certainly going to have to have the ability to erase things erase planets it's just going to happen you know what you made me think of man is like i've always thought and when that idea that we are star energy that's woken up because the elements are a result of fusion happening inside of stars.

[635] I've always thought we're a degradation of the energy of the stars.

[636] Were the energy getting weaker or weakening down?

[637] But what if actually were star energy getting immensely more powerful, only the power is manifesting as intelligence or consciousness?

[638] And what if this destructive thing that you're talking about doesn't come from weapons, but from innovation?

[639] And this is why I fucking love Kurzweil, because he talks about this idea that it gets to the point where we begin to manipulate matter at the atomic level, and this somehow spreads out into space, where swarms of nanobots just fly through the universe, reconstructing matter according to the whims of whatever the overmind is or whatever the force of intelligence that is a result of everything connecting is.

[640] Now, that's fucking a million times more powerful than a star.

[641] It's something totally brand new.

[642] It's like a novelty explosion.

[643] I think there's no doubt whatsoever that people are probably very much like a lot of other animals that create byproducts without even understanding why they're doing it.

[644] You know, there's a lot of, like, bees making honey.

[645] I mean, they make honey to feed their offspring or their little, but they also pollinate flowers.

[646] They do, like, they do a lot of, like, weird tass.

[647] masks, like they help things move along in pollinating plants.

[648] You really, like, help things move along, right?

[649] You're aiding in the process.

[650] I think our crazy need to acquire things is aiding in the process of technological innovation at the highest speed possible.

[651] I think it's one of the reasons why it's so compelling to get, like, new phones and a new laptop.

[652] Dude, you got the new laptop.

[653] Oh, shit.

[654] Let me see that.

[655] Look at that fucking screen.

[656] It's sexual, man. I mean, it's sexy as fuck.

[657] You get a really dope phone, you hold it, and you scroll through it.

[658] There's something, there's something alluring about that technology.

[659] And I think our desire to continue to have bigger, better, bad, or faster, more awesomer.

[660] I think that's the number one thing that's pushing innovation.

[661] The number one thing that's pushing technology is this desire for all these new objects.

[662] And as that technology gets pushed further and further and further, more because, comes possible until you really develop reality -changing technology.

[663] I mean, the atomic bomb is essentially a reality -changing technology.

[664] You know, electricity's reality -changing.

[665] The Internet's reality -changing.

[666] LSD reality -changing.

[667] Sure, sure.

[668] But it's essentially inevitable.

[669] It's like it's going to keep going and going and going, as long as the humans don't blow themselves up with one of their reality -changing things.

[670] They're going to come up with something like a time machine, come up with something, like some sort of a transportation device or transport or a beamer they're going to be able to scramble your fucking cells and and reconstruct them on the moon i mean they're going to be able to do anything they want eventually if if time keeps going on and people don't get killed by asteroids or blow themselves up it's just inevitable it's an inevitability for sure it's inevitable and you can kind of feel it yeah and i know it sounds so stupid but whenever i fucking go without playing a video game for a long time and buy a brand new video game and play it it really fills me with a kind of I love it, but it's kind of ominous in how amazing they're getting, how potent they're getting.

[671] You used to talk about this, how our nervous systems might not be built for the massive amounts of sense gratification that are accessible through technology.

[672] Yeah, it hijacks your reward system.

[673] Borderlands 2.

[674] I just started playing this game.

[675] Holy shit, man. It's such a perfect game, not just like graphics -wise, which are really trippy, kind of like heavy metal magazine, trippy.

[676] But, like, the game itself is the first game that's ever made me laugh.

[677] It's kind of funny.

[678] They've added a weird humor to it.

[679] They get good voiceover actors, and it's super violent.

[680] But it's so narcotic that it's really makes me understand that this technology is a drug.

[681] It's a drug that they haven't identified yet as a drug, but it's a fuck.

[682] It's exactly like any other drug.

[683] Well, maybe not even like any other drug.

[684] It's like heroin -ish.

[685] Well, porn is also a drug.

[686] You know, porn, especially the immediate access to porn online.

[687] It's a drug.

[688] I mean, it is a drug.

[689] There's no question about it.

[690] You know, I was watching a Dr. Drew episode the other day where there's a dude who was addicted to porn.

[691] Fucking fascinating, man. Fascinating, looking at this guy and his wife and, you know, them trying to work out intimacy again because this guy was just fucking completely whacked off.

[692] I'm beating it off to chicks online.

[693] It's a, man. it's a pull it's like a technology has a gravity and you and it's a gravity that doesn't operate on mass it operates on attention so when you're around technology you can feel it drawing your attention into it the thing you were talking about with your phone with porn with tv with your car whatever it is it pulls at your mind in this very obvious way that's impossible to deny And that energy, that is the beginning of the connection that machines are making with our neurology.

[694] That's the very first contact.

[695] When you feel that pull, you're feeling the force of technology linking into your nervous system.

[696] You're feeling an interface happen at a very rudimentary level.

[697] But that interface is going to get more and more focused, more and more advanced and more and more perfect until it'll lock in for good.

[698] Do you think people back in the day, though, thought that about books?

[699] Like, when these books, man, they're teaching us.

[700] They're making us learn.

[701] Well, they did.

[702] You know, when they first invented printing, that's one of the things that held Islam back was that they didn't allow it to be printed with the typeset.

[703] It was only allowed to be, like, written down.

[704] And it was a long time before they allowed the Quran to be printed.

[705] Well, that makes sense.

[706] Yeah.

[707] Well, they fucked them up.

[708] That's the thing about religion.

[709] I thought that print was the beginning of the devil.

[710] Meanwhile, they were in the same camp as the Unabomber, who was a brilliant guy who they whacked out with LSD studies.

[711] Yeah, I think there's no question we have some bizarre attraction to technology.

[712] And there's no question that we're not set up to handle the type of sensory overload that they provide.

[713] When a guy goes on a screen and, you know, and his, his fucking face is 60 feet high and he says the perfect shit because there's a team of writers who spent weeks going over his dialogue or the fine tooth comb and his music there's music playing when he's talking i mean it's the impact is pretty fucking intense the hero impact that you get from a movie yeah man that's if you could if you could take someone from the 1500s and and and bring them to a movie theater and get them to watch like avatar they they would shriek and horror they would cry and scream they would be weeping and fascination they wouldn't believe what they were saying they would think that they were in the presence of God himself.

[714] If you played a movie and God was in a fucking robe, an old man in a robe who can make magic shit happen and you showed on this screen God like making things happen all kinds of crazy special effects they would buy it hook, line and sinker 100 % because it would be beyond the realm of their imagination.

[715] It would be completely beyond.

[716] So the question is...

[717] My thing was that we're set up like that guy, though.

[718] Our biology is like that guy.

[719] Our biology hasn't changed.

[720] But what we introduced to it on a regular basis has changed significantly.

[721] And it's getting more and more powerful every day.

[722] And it induces a trance state.

[723] And so the question is, what are we like when we're not in a trance state?

[724] What does that look like?

[725] Because I don't...

[726] If you're without your phone for an hour, you feel a little weird.

[727] Like if you forget your phone at your...

[728] You feel weird.

[729] So because the state of consciousness that we're in now, we have become dependent on the machine.

[730] The machine has become part of us.

[731] So what are we like outside of that trance state, outside of that stupor?

[732] What are we like when our consciousness or our attention isn't getting drawn into some glowing screen?

[733] And before that, what is our consciousness like when it's not being drawn into a book or a religion?

[734] Is there a pure state?

[735] or are we always, like, constantly in relation to something?

[736] Is there a way that you're not in a trance?

[737] Or are you always consistently connecting with some symbol structure out there?

[738] You know?

[739] Well, unless you live in the woods and go offline for a while, you're connecting.

[740] And one tiny, it means like you have your finger on home base.

[741] You know, you're scared to run away from, you're safe, you're safe, you get your finger on home base.

[742] How many times you've been at a restaurant and you're looking at your phone is just compelling you?

[743] Check your Twitter, Duncan.

[744] Check it, check it.

[745] Check it.

[746] Check it.

[747] Check it.

[748] If you don't check your Twitter, Duncan.

[749] Inless.

[750] It's endless.

[751] And it's, I mean, I will admit, man, I'm addicted to the internet.

[752] There's no question.

[753] My behavior is addictive behavior.

[754] I am addicted to information.

[755] I love it.

[756] I love every weird little fucking thing, man. The fact that, you know, the amazing leopard attack video that came out today.

[757] What is a video?

[758] Is a leopard and a gorilla?

[759] is that what it is it's a fucking it's a it's a leopard leaping at something but i was on the fucking airplane and couldn't watch it i try i spent 30 minutes trying to watch that fucking thing just because i was so interested in it but when you consider that 10 years ago 15 years ago if you wanted to see something like that you'd have to be sitting in front of a big ass tv and before that if you wanted to see something like that you'd have to go out in the woods and and find it to see it you know it's it's like the things that we are witnessing as human beings in this time period are things that most human beings in the past would see one of them in their entire lives if that if that and the thing is that these these things are coming out us constantly all the time so our senses are just on overload just 100 % overload yes and we don't we don't have the ability to process whether or not those rewards are being utilized in a natural manner it's like a it's like a parasite system it's like the story of the that aquatic worm that infects the grasshopper and literally talks the grasshopper into committing suicide, just gets inside of its brain, tells it what to do, and then hatches.

[760] Brian, if you pull up animal face -off gorilla versus leopard, I think that's the video.

[761] But maybe that's what technology is doing with us.

[762] Maybe it's sort of embedded itself slowly but surely into our system, and more and more and it's getting to the point where you can't function without it it's beyond that point if you know the thing where they talk about if the sun solar flares too much and knocks out all the GPS satellites the havoc it'll wreak on this planet yeah it's way past the point of no return we've got to have the connection we must have it for our society to work for trucks to deliver food for fucking nuclear plants to work yeah if this shit shuts down you know and oh shit Yeah, you gotta fast forward quite a bit before the actual action.

[763] That's fake.

[764] That was an artificial leopard.

[765] Look at these fucking things.

[766] These are real.

[767] They're having fights in the trees.

[768] What a scary ass animal.

[769] Leopards are scary too because they're really quick.

[770] I've never seen this gorilla fighting a leopard video.

[771] Look at these gorillas duking it out.

[772] Look at that leopard.

[773] just jacking that antelope.

[774] Oh my god, that is crazy.

[775] Look at the size of that fucking thing.

[776] I would say gorilla would win, I think.

[777] Oh, look at that.

[778] I don't know, man. I wish animals have police.

[779] Yeah, the gorilla might win.

[780] They look pretty fucking crazy.

[781] The gorilla might just rip that thing apart.

[782] Oh, this is a scenario, you sons of bitches.

[783] Yeah, this is all fake.

[784] Oh, it's fake!

[785] There's ones that are real, though, isn't there?

[786] Look.

[787] This is so stupid, Joe.

[788] Look at this.

[789] It's so dumb.

[790] In our scenario, in our crappy cartoons.

[791] It's like a bad video game.

[792] Oh, my God, this is awful.

[793] This is a video game for the 80s.

[794] Yeah, it's like a shitty video game.

[795] This is like pre -dome.

[796] This is what happens when the budget runs out.

[797] Yeah, this isn't the video.

[798] Is there another video, or is this the one you were talking about?

[799] This is awesome.

[800] It's like, yeah.

[801] Definitely.

[802] This is 100 % hoarse shit.

[803] God damn it.

[804] Well, there you go.

[805] You were addicted to watching that, though.

[806] You really wanted to see it.

[807] It drew you in.

[808] I thought it was real.

[809] Right.

[810] That's the thing, man. And it's like there's so, like a lot of meditative practice.

[811] Practices are all about, like, developing your focus and developing your will through developing your focus.

[812] And when your mind is getting pulled in a million different directions by your phone and by the computer and by TV.

[813] then it really does seem like you are, it's like eating too much, too many sweets, you know, like some innate part of you is going to start rotting.

[814] You're going to lose this really important focus.

[815] Like, man, you know when you get around someone who's got real focus, who's really, really figured out a way to pin, to turn their minds into a pinpoint, like a laser, fucking Tom Cruise does it from the Scientology training.

[816] Have you ever seen him?

[817] you know like when he gets when he gets sprayed that's how he gets dudes to blow on my hair I made that out dude I I don't I wouldn't be surprised I'm sure there's a lot of power in that but we're so we're so distracted right now that when you come across someone who's got that kind of focus you almost feel like you're around Dracula or something it's kind of creepy when someone's like just tunes in salesmen do you think that that would work on you though if you and Tom Cruise were alone in a room together and you you had a conversation I'd suck his dick.

[818] If you were alone in a room with him, don't you think that he would appear silly if you'd talk to him just for a couple hours?

[819] Oh, that?

[820] Yeah, he would be a silly person.

[821] Oh, would he have like, yeah.

[822] Did you ever see him and Matt Lawler?

[823] You ever see that conversation?

[824] Well, they got on the subject of Scientology and his criticism of Brooke Shields, taking antidepressants.

[825] That's a fascinating dude, man. He would crumble like a house of cards.

[826] Okay, you know, you think he's charismatic.

[827] I think he's only charismatic if you're really dumb.

[828] if you watch that video and you see like the way he communicates when he talks about you know match you're glum like he's like he's like a silly person like well yeah he has to be protected yeah he well he's got an entourage around him and people who are probably better at hypnotizing but yeah he's a brilliant actor i don't i don't think i get sucked in by that from tom cruise but i think that you're saying but you're talking about tom cruise having this this ability yeah man i think I think there's, I think it's an example of people.

[829] What is that, Brian?

[830] What is that, Brian?

[831] Wow, that's fucking crazy.

[832] Oh, my God.

[833] Look at the facial features.

[834] This guy's like making all these different facial features.

[835] Shit.

[836] Or gestures.

[837] That's incredible, man. That's really weird.

[838] That's crazy.

[839] It's creepy.

[840] It's going to get crazy.

[841] It's going to be hard to kill people in video games.

[842] You're going to start feeling really guilty.

[843] This is the new realistic engine where it's supposed to look like as realistic as possible.

[844] Oh, my God.

[845] It looks like a video.

[846] Yeah, this is cool.

[847] quake like a camera you're going down that looks so realistic if you told me this is a real video it's a yeah that's a video someone's got their iPhone that's incredible but my my thing was I just don't think that you would be impressed with its focus I think that's nonsense I think that's only that's only when you see him in interviews and he puts on this thing and I think alone you would think that would be silly no I think I'll give you a list of people I don't know why I started with Tom Cruise probably a bad idea but you see that focus in, like, politicians a lot, like Obama's got it.

[848] Even fucking Romney has this weird way that he kind of does the heat -seeking missile lock in on people when they're talking that's different from the way normal people act.

[849] And that level of focus comes from being supremely disciplined in some way or another, you know, whether it's because you're having to, as a politician, like if you think about the level of focus it takes for those guys during the debates, regardless of whether you like them or not, when you imagine that one misstep, one wrong thing that you say is going to get repeated like a strobe light for the next, you know, week or perhaps could ruin your chance of being president, that's an insane amount of pressure that they're under and they've developed some incredible focus to deal with it, which I think is different than most other people.

[850] You know, most people are scattered, man. I eat dinner with people something.

[851] Sometimes, and they can't go four minutes without checking their phone.

[852] You know, you just get used to it.

[853] You get used to this thing around people where it's like, oh, yeah, they're one of those people who always check their phone.

[854] Like I know during a conversation with this person, they're going to be constantly looking at their phone, irresistibly drawn to it.

[855] It's the worst.

[856] Yeah, there's some people that you can't lock in with them if they have a phone on them.

[857] No. They can't resist it.

[858] And they don't even know they're doing it.

[859] Where it gets really creepy is where you're mid -conversation with someone.

[860] And they just go down to the phone.

[861] Oh, yeah.

[862] And they don't even know they're doing it.

[863] Well, the worst is like, they'll be in the middle of something.

[864] Then they'll stop and start texting.

[865] And you're like, hey, man, are we hanging out?

[866] Yeah.

[867] What's going on here?

[868] Yeah.

[869] Is this really that important?

[870] Are you going to stop in the middle of talking?

[871] Like, you stop talking.

[872] Yeah.

[873] You just started going on.

[874] It's fucking vile.

[875] It's silly.

[876] It's silly.

[877] Because most of the time it's not that important.

[878] What could it be?

[879] Pussy.

[880] Most likely pussy.

[881] Well, yeah.

[882] Someone trying to sit up.

[883] some of that sweet pussy That's the other thing The robots are going to have no desire for pussy So how are these sentient life forms Going to even get out of bed There's no no fucking reward system set up I think that you are being Incredibly optimistic thinking these robots They're going to give up They're going to pull the cord They're going to realize how pointless life is And before they ever get to recreate it They're just going to blow themselves up The robots?

[884] Yeah They're going to realize what's the point We're robots We're not have souls don't have nothing.

[885] Got nothing.

[886] Just sentient robot fucking circuits going off.

[887] How disappointing?

[888] Flipping back and forth.

[889] Will that be?

[890] The singularity happens and they're just a bunch of depressed.

[891] They're homeless, homeless robots.

[892] Because they have no ambition.

[893] And then we have to figure out whether or not we want to put ambition into the robots because then they'll surely take over.

[894] There'll be a big dilemma.

[895] There'll be a bunch of moralists.

[896] They're like, we have to give them ambition.

[897] We gave them life.

[898] They're like Pinocchio.

[899] He wants to be a real boy.

[900] I think it's very likely that they will have no desire whatsoever unless it's programmed into them.

[901] There's no reason for them to want to fuck.

[902] There's no reason for them to want money or a big house.

[903] I mean, they're robots.

[904] What the fuck is the point in advancing?

[905] What's the point in making more robots?

[906] Like, what's the point in even being alive?

[907] It's like it doesn't, it's not going to, there's not going to mean any reward.

[908] The whole, the whole, like, momentum that pushes us towards all this technological innovation and towards progress is, these weird reward systems that we have.

[909] These reward systems are engineered by the universe to ensure that we keep pushing forward.

[910] And all of these reward systems are all like going after these primal reward systems, you know, that have been inside of us for like hunting and gathering.

[911] Well, do you think a cold has a reward system that it wants, a common cold?

[912] Is it, does it have ambition?

[913] Is it going for something?

[914] It's just does, it's just doing its thing.

[915] okay yeah but we know that we're not a cold we have actual we're more complicated but computer viruses computer viruses don't have ambition they're they've just been coded to do something right but they don't act they react they they when a computer virus gets into your system you know it reacts to the fact that it can get in and then it moves forward well this can't get in it just stops right this point here is like the beginning of like an endless argument that you can have because the point is do we act or Or are we just a reaction?

[916] Well, my point was that computer viruses are programmed to do things.

[917] They're programmed to behave in a certain way.

[918] They try to go in.

[919] If they can get past step one, they get in.

[920] You're right?

[921] I mean, if I'm, that's how a computer virus is set up.

[922] We would have to make these computers, make these sentient beings.

[923] We have to program them with some sort of ambition, some sort of desire to move forward.

[924] Because if you didn't program them with an objective, a mandate, if you didn't, then they would just be intelligent.

[925] just because they're intelligent, there's no reward system for them to want to, you know, make a new nuclear reactor.

[926] Well, again, man, it's like you're creating a situation where the robots are different than us.

[927] No, I'm not.

[928] You're creating this thing where it's like they're not an expression of us or an expansion of us.

[929] You know, they could be us.

[930] They could take what we are, our brains, for example, which is what is creating all the simulation theory fervor.

[931] once they take a human brain, scan the neurons in it, run energy through it, and replicate it inside a machine, well, now you have ambition.

[932] Now you have consciousness.

[933] Wow, that's a big leap.

[934] I think you have matter.

[935] You have an organic matter that will move and react.

[936] The idea of consciousness being completely local is a fairly controversial idea.

[937] There's a lot of people that don't believe that consciousness even resides in the mind.

[938] You know, if you want to get all woo -woo with it, they believe the consciousness.

[939] consciousness is like radio signals and your body is essentially a really good antenna.

[940] You know, there's no way except to be speculative about this stuff because it hasn't happened yet.

[941] So why would you...

[942] But I would speculate that if you're going to recreate a human mind inside a computer, I would speculate that the thing is going to...

[943] If you want to say that there's consciousness that is exteriorized, then I would say that that brain would be an antenna for it in the same way that our brains are.

[944] That to me is like saying that if you recreated a car, it would start itself.

[945] I don't think it's the same thing.

[946] because cars never start themselves.

[947] Human brains are innately awake.

[948] They're innately...

[949] So would you create an artificial baby and let this baby live life and learn all the things that a person learns to develop a personality, or are you going to somehow another download someone's already formulated 80 -year -old personality into this creature?

[950] Well, I think that you've got a lot of choices.

[951] I mean, it's literally the idea is if we take the neural pathways of the human brain and replicate them inside a machine.

[952] The question that we're coming up against is, does the thing, will the thing think?

[953] Will it be a person?

[954] Well, not only that.

[955] Will the thing be a person?

[956] Will it grow old?

[957] Or does it just exist in the state that you created in?

[958] Are you able to create not just a person, but the mechanisms inside of a person, the genetic coding that allows a person to continue to grow and get older and, you know, and move forward?

[959] Right.

[960] Yeah, there's a lot of questions because is it just a meat bag?

[961] you know what if that would be really creepy if we created a person and just nothing clicked it's just a meat bag just dead just dumb as fuck meanwhile it's got the like most advanced mind ever we checked the switches everything's on no desire to move forward you know and then we developed a robot woman to suck his dick and then all the sudden he's out there huffin he's got a Ferrari he's got a boat hmm it's an interesting sex is an amazing uh fucking drug and it definitely if no one can't argue with the fact that it has been the carrot in front of a lot of people's ambition.

[962] Why say a lot?

[963] Why not just say all?

[964] The idea of to be loved is in front of almost everybody's ambition.

[965] I guess all.

[966] Yeah.

[967] I mean, I guess I'm just thinking like maybe there's a, I don't know.

[968] It is a piece.

[969] It is a piece.

[970] It might not be your entire expression, but it's a piece of your motivation for doing anything.

[971] It's to be loved or the love of what you're doing.

[972] The love of what you're doing ultimately is a better way of approaching it.

[973] You know, and, you know, you get love from doing that well, and it's kind of a strange little, it's sort of a strange little exchange.

[974] Like, if you concentrate too much on getting love for what you're doing, then you're not going to do good stuff.

[975] You have to concentrate on being, loving what you're doing, and then when you love what you're doing, you really focus on it, and then you get love from it.

[976] Yeah, that's the trick.

[977] Yeah.

[978] For sure.

[979] Don't you feel like that with comedy?

[980] Yes.

[981] The moment you get outside of that, you are fucked, man. Well, this is that, that's in the Bhagavagita the verses you have a right to your actions and not the fruit of your actions, which means you just focus on what you're doing and don't worry about what's going to flourish on the tree.

[982] And then everything works out much better.

[983] Well, that sounds like socialism to me, Duncan.

[984] That's what that sounds like fucking Bhagavagata Gita, queer, old shitty fucking writing.

[985] What else does it tell you to do?

[986] Yeah, I think that it's one of the sure ways to destroy yourself is when you start worrying about, um, You can't, by the way, it's unavoidable.

[987] Well, have you ever had a conversation with your agent about how to improve your response from the audience?

[988] You've got to give the people what they want.

[989] No, thank God now.

[990] You've got to, you know, you've got to think.

[991] My agents are pretty cool.

[992] Jamie Masada would give the worst fucking advice in the history of the world to comics.

[993] And I remember one of them, I mean, look, Jamie's a great guy.

[994] He's got a great club.

[995] But nobody can tell you what can make you funny.

[996] You are you, and Duncan Trustles' fun is going to be different than Joe Diaz's, funny, going to be different than Brian.

[997] Red Band's funny.

[998] We all got a weird way of looking at things, and you've got to figure out your way.

[999] But when you get a guy who's not a comic, it comes along with, like, the worst advice ever.

[1000] Jamie Misato is this one dude.

[1001] He's like, Buddy, your generation X guy.

[1002] That is your thing.

[1003] Everything you say, you say, my generation, I am Generation X. And that's your act.

[1004] And the guy was like, what the fuck are you talking about, man?

[1005] Fucking Generation X guy?

[1006] Dude, if I ever told you about...

[1007] Who's opening the door here?

[1008] Have I ever told you about the advice that my first manager gave me?

[1009] No. So he saw me, this was years and years ago.

[1010] Let me lock this door just in case where fucking creeps are walking in.

[1011] This place is not exactly secure.

[1012] It was, it was.

[1013] Brian got up.

[1014] Years and years ago, he saw me with wet hair.

[1015] And he's like, that's what your thing could be.

[1016] You could be the guy who always gets on stage wet.

[1017] Oh, that's an awesome piece of advice.

[1018] Did you think about it for a second?

[1019] No!

[1020] Not even for a second.

[1021] Like, what is that even?

[1022] I guess I was thinking like, well, I'd probably get electrocuted for one, but what's, what is that?

[1023] What's the joke?

[1024] Hey, guys, I just got wet.

[1025] Well, do you remember when you were doing open mic where there were guys who would have like a very specific sort of fucking schick?

[1026] Yes.

[1027] Like they were doing.

[1028] Sure.

[1029] Yeah.

[1030] Like they would have an outfit.

[1031] Yes.

[1032] Yeah.

[1033] Yeah, I've heard of, I heard it.

[1034] Didn't you hear the, don't you know the story of Jackie, Jackie Banana?

[1035] Oh, crazy Bob.

[1036] You know the story of Jackie Banana?

[1037] Jackie Banana?

[1038] He's a comic.

[1039] Right.

[1040] Didn't he have like a funny act, like a fake act?

[1041] I heard Mitzie just told him he had to wear a banana colored suit with a banana peel hanging out of him.

[1042] Is he a guy that I'm thinking about?

[1043] There's a guy that had like this like sort of a throwback act, sort of a vaudevillian, sort of a gesture to vaudeville.

[1044] Is that the guy?

[1045] I don't know.

[1046] It was really like hacky, but purposely.

[1047] hacky on purpose.

[1048] Is that the guy?

[1049] There was a guy that did that.

[1050] No, there's a comic kind of like that.

[1051] Neil, are you talking about Neil?

[1052] No, not talking about Neil Hamburger.

[1053] I'm talking about there was another guy who was from years ago.

[1054] It was like a skinny, handsome sort of a guy who had this like, is Jackie something or another?

[1055] I don't know.

[1056] Jackie Diamond?

[1057] Is that his name?

[1058] Sorry, I can't remember the guy's name.

[1059] But he had like this, it was a pretty funny act, but it was like, it was like you could have seen him in a, you know, a 1950s mobster movie.

[1060] He would be the guy on stage, one of those speakeasies or something.

[1061] Yeah.

[1062] You know, most comedy way back in the day used to have to have some schick.

[1063] It didn't, it wasn't like you could just like go off in weird directions.

[1064] Comics were very sticky back in the 80s.

[1065] There were a lot of sticky comics.

[1066] Well, look at Larry the Cable Guy.

[1067] That's his thing.

[1068] You ever see the video of him doing his real act?

[1069] No. His real self as Dan.

[1070] It's really interesting.

[1071] You know, he's a comic.

[1072] And then he just took on, I mean, he totally talks different.

[1073] But then he took on this thing.

[1074] and he's a very nice guy.

[1075] I've only hung out with him once, but he was a very nice guy.

[1076] He was back in the 1990s who did Montreal together hung out at Comedy Works.

[1077] And he sent us some his potato chips.

[1078] He listens to the podcast and he sent us some their potato chips that taste like hamburgers.

[1079] Wow.

[1080] It tastes like cheese, mustard, a burger.

[1081] It's a trip.

[1082] Like, you're eating it and you're like, this is so strange.

[1083] It's like you're getting all these different flavors and then you're like how quick does this cause cancer this is there's no there's nothing even remotely natural about that shit dude you know what i just saw on reddit that reminds me of but it's delicious god damn i just saw on reddit if you can fight off the cancer it's worth it uh take fucking cool ranch Doritos someone took cool ranch Doritos and put it into a salt grinder and the caption was enjoy the rest of your life because you can now everything tastes like cool ranch Doritos that's a great idea yeah get like a mortar and pestle yeah do it like alchemy and shit just infinite cool ranch flavor on everything wow that would be delicious on chicken or something like that you know like if you fried chicken no chicken breast with cool instead of breadcrumbs you put cool ranch potato chips all over the outside of it it'd be good on anything that sounds so yummy that sounds really good on a turd no it wouldn't no you're right but man this thing about shtick this gets into metaphysics and this gets into a place that i think about all the time which is how much of what human beings day to day that people are doing is just is a stick in the same way that comics have this thing how many times do you run into someone who's got this thing going on which is their personality their ego this thing that they're clinging to or putting out front that isn't even them at all well how many people do that in the guys of a radio personality.

[1084] I mean, isn't that like the ultimate goof, the radio personality?

[1085] I was listening to Opie and Anthony today, and they do a thing called Jocktober where they go after hacky radio people, and they start talking like them and mocking their act.

[1086] It's that.

[1087] It's the strip club DJ.

[1088] The same, that's the thing.

[1089] They go into the, hey, ladies, get yourself some $15 kamikazis.

[1090] Come on up to the stage.

[1091] Girls drink for free.

[1092] Guys, ladies night.

[1093] And then the president?

[1094] Yeah, very much so.

[1095] When you speak in front of great groups of people, you must take on a different inflection.

[1096] We as a nation.

[1097] You can't just talk to them.

[1098] This is what I think we need to do.

[1099] I think this country's crazy.

[1100] We've got to change some shit.

[1101] What are you saying?

[1102] You're not presidential.

[1103] Yeah, you could say the same thing in a normal way, and it would seem really fucking weird.

[1104] What my opponent thinks is not.

[1105] My opponent just thinks that, taxes are too high, and I disagree.

[1106] Does not concern me. What concerns me is the good will of the American people.

[1107] What concerns me is the prosperity of the American nation.

[1108] I just want people to be nicer to each other and make more money.

[1109] What concerns me is seeing more made in America stickers on goods.

[1110] Yes.

[1111] Yeah, that voice.

[1112] That voice, that hypnotic fucking voice.

[1113] Why do we allow it?

[1114] But keep bringing that down.

[1115] Like, there's personality types, you know.

[1116] this is where you get into like certain personality types where you'll run into specific um groups of people who all act exactly the same like goths people who are into certain bands they all act they all they all share this similar personality and in cults it's a uh one of this one of the aspects of cult is that everyone in the cult kind of acts the same way and the way they're acting like is like the leader you know so it gets really interesting when you start considering to yourself how much of what I'm doing is a shtick or how much of what I'm doing is just imitated from someone else, whether it's my parents.

[1117] Accents.

[1118] Even the way we inflect on words.

[1119] I didn't even realize how heavy my Boston accent was until I started seeing myself on television.

[1120] I saw myself on television when I was 19 after a Taekwendo tournament.

[1121] I heard my accent.

[1122] I was like, oh my God, I got to stop that.

[1123] And I've slowly like removed it over the, but you have to hear it.

[1124] you have to hear it to realize you're even saying it yeah it's fucking crazy man and and and it's we just imitate our atmosphere it's fun to like chase that thing back and and to this is where psychedelics are really useful is because you begin to start contemplating well who is behind all this who's behind the accent who's but do you ever just think where do my words come from i think it's all cool motherfuckers that other people copied you know that's where the accent is I mean, there must have been one cool motherfucker in Kentucky that just knew how to talk in a way that just seemed bad ass.

[1125] This motherfucker didn't give a fuck, you know what I'm saying?

[1126] He just sat there with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth and I don't give a fuck.

[1127] And everybody in the neighborhood is like, man, I want to be like that dude.

[1128] Yeah, sure.

[1129] And they all just sort of took on that inflection.

[1130] Well, remember when a movie would come out when you were in element?

[1131] But obviously that's not true.

[1132] It's not like one guy.

[1133] It's not a patient zero when it comes to accents.

[1134] You know, it's some kind of collaboration between groups of cool people.

[1135] But, you know, when a movie would come out and you would be in elementary school and then some catchphrase from that movie would suddenly go rushing through elementary school again.

[1136] I'm Rick James, bitch.

[1137] Yes, yes, exactly.

[1138] Where it's just kind of like a wildfire goes through idiots and they just imitate and imitate and imitate.

[1139] They can't help it.

[1140] They can't help it.

[1141] Yeah.

[1142] And this is the big question.

[1143] This is like...

[1144] But it's also fun.

[1145] oh it's a yeah it's you it's human i mean god damn everyone's guilty of it man i'm rich james bitch there's no way to avoid it you're going to do it people love saying that no it's it seems to be a there seems to be a prevalence of people saying boo right now boo and also you've started some shit man you've started powerful powerful powerful's beautiful i get powerful tweets powerful don't complain about that you can't worry too much i'm not complaining about it we don't enjoy shit like powerful i'm not complaining about i think it's great but i'm saying It's interesting to see how certain behaviors, just micro -behaviors get imitated and echoed throughout society.

[1146] It's a very interesting.

[1147] It is fascinating.

[1148] It is.

[1149] It is.

[1150] It's very interesting that we sort of amalgamate, we sort of take in from all sorts of different sources around us that we like, all the different things that we like.

[1151] It's always a problem with comics as well.

[1152] You know, we see certain comics that are like just doing Doug Stanhope.

[1153] You know, how many guys have you seen that were opening for Doug?

[1154] I don't if you ever went to one of Doug shows.

[1155] But years ago, especially, he would have guys open for him, and they were essentially doing Stanhope.

[1156] And I'll say, Jesus Christ, you got you got you before you, buddy.

[1157] You know, this is ridiculous.

[1158] Yeah.

[1159] It's super common that there was a million of Tells for a while, you know.

[1160] These were just huge fans of a tell, and they couldn't even help it.

[1161] They started talking like Dave.

[1162] Yeah, yeah.

[1163] They just found themselves doing it.

[1164] Yeah.

[1165] You know, you don't even realize it.

[1166] It's fucking incredible, man. And it's like you get thumb printed by reality in that way, and it goes way back.

[1167] I mean, that's, that's, I just had my mom as a shrink on the podcast, and like, she was talking about the effect that she thinks what happens when you were a kid, like getting your dick snipped off, like you were saying, has on the rest of your life.

[1168] It has a huge effect.

[1169] You get thumb printed by your parents, by the subjective DNA of your parents gets thumb printed into you.

[1170] and then you spend the rest of your life in this kind of strange hypnotic trance not knowing why you're doing what you're doing yeah and that i think is the beginning of you know when you're talking about dumb dumb people or people who are absorbed into some religious structure i think the beginning of humanness starts when you start thinking about wait what am i really what's behind this fucking mask what's behind the behavior mechanisms that I picked up from my folks or from movies or from influential friends or from whatever what's the being residing behind all that shit and that I think is when you stop being a machine or start waking up a little bit but until then you might as well be a fucking brain and a goddamn Commodore 64 yeah or you just enjoy this fucking weird existence and marvel at all the mystery of it all and just sort of try to take it in and just enjoy it because if you you know if you try to like get down to your core all day every day you're gonna you're gonna miss what's what's enjoyable about the experience i don't necessarily know if we're ever going to figure out what's motivating us pushing us in one way or another what why do you why do you talk the way you talk you know who are you but i but i do love the fact that there's so many variables i do love a guy like joey dyes i do love how ari is so much different than joey brian so much different than me. We're all just weird, you know, personalities that have come about through a whole bunch of different scenarios, a bunch of different ways to live a life, you know, and different locations and different problems and challenges and different genetics.

[1171] It's a fucking trip, man. The human experience to get to, from point A to Duncan Trussell at 37 years old is a wild, crazy fucking road.

[1172] And everyone's road is unique and different.

[1173] friend and creates a different result have you heard the term dependent origination no it's a buddhist term and the term is that there is nothing independent there's nothing independent of it there's no no thing that isn't related to some other thing in the universe which creates this kind of tapestry so so the example that you know of course the beer this beer bottle is not by itself it comes from sand it's just what you're seeing here is in the flow of time that a temporary form that a bunch of sand and paper which comes from trees has congealed into to form this thing but 700 years from now this fucking thing is going to be sand again so what you're watching right now is just a moment of this thing's true existence and in the same way you and joey diaz and brian and me and everyone listening to this are just one moat one moment of beingness in this web that for us traces all the way back apparently to nuclear fusion inside of stars which has gone through infinite time until it's finally manifested in the form of whatever the particular yeah exactly which for a moment in time for a moment in time that be on stage at the taverns tonight cock suck at 10 30 yeah but it's already sold out bitch that's cool yeah it's it's a an amazing connection that we have to everything that's ever existed.

[1174] And we are part of some weird infinite cycle.

[1175] As is the planet, as is the star that heats the planet, all of these will end.

[1176] The universe won't.

[1177] This is but a blip.

[1178] Even the life of a star is but a blip in the life of the universe.

[1179] And they blow up all the time.

[1180] They said that there was a beautiful show on hypernovas.

[1181] They were talking about when they first started detecting gamma ray bursts in the galaxy.

[1182] They didn't know what was going on.

[1183] They thought it was possible that we were under attack by an alien race.

[1184] because there was these huge bursts of energy that were happening all over the space all throughout the universe so they thought it was possible that there were actually alien wars at one point in time that was something that was being considered until they understand the mechanism or understood rather the mechanism behind novas they're happening all the time they're just they're just blowing out there's so many fucking stars we can't even you got to go in your lifetime to the Keck Observatory in Hawaii if you've never been there it's one of the highest observatories and it's above the clouds it's really wild because you're driving it's on the big island and you drive it's a long ass drive it's like a two hour drive up the mountain and as you're driving you hit clouds and you're like fuck man we're not going to be able to see shit we took this big drive up here but we're not going to able to see shit because there's all these clouds then you drive past the clouds and you get up there and you go oh my god because first of all you're at 13 ,000 feet.

[1185] And second of all, there's no light pollution on the island.

[1186] They have these diffusers on all these lamps.

[1187] So when you look at, you don't even have to look through a telescope, dude.

[1188] You just look up when you're at the observatory and you're like, oh my God, the Milky Way is insane.

[1189] Yeah.

[1190] And it makes you so angry that you can't see that every day.

[1191] Yeah.

[1192] Like if we didn't have these greedy -ass fucking cities with lights everywhere and driving around with headlights, if we could have just for one hour or a couple hours of one day we maybe just had one night a year where everyone shuts all the power off for three hours and we all from 6 to 9 p .m. Central remember tonight is you know star appreciation night and we all shut out all the powers in cities yeah they've tried that a few times where I'll look it up oh yeah good great idea see I'm behind the time somebody started up but if we if we did that And you would, you could see that.

[1193] We would have so many people that would be so much more in awe of space and so much more interested in the, especially children, interested in the idea of pursuing astronomy or pursuing rocketry or working for NASA or something.

[1194] I mean, just there are appreciation for, you know, funding things like NASA and the Hubble telescope and new telescopes and, you know, the Keck Observatory and all these, you know, all that stuff would be so much more appreciation.

[1195] if we could see the majesty of the stars.

[1196] We've robbed ourselves of that with cities.

[1197] The light, we don't even realize it because we've grown up with these things.

[1198] But all that light all the time has robbed us of really the most amazing thing you could ever see.

[1199] And one of the most humbling things I've ever seen in my life.

[1200] I've had psychedelic experiences that didn't affect me as much as looking at those stars.

[1201] Because I remember that night, I couldn't sleep.

[1202] I remember I got back to the hotel room and I was just lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, thinking how insane that thing was and that that's up there all the time that I can't see it.

[1203] And it really hit home the feeling.

[1204] That was when I really started pushing the idea of the planet as an organic spaceship.

[1205] That's when I really started talking about.

[1206] That's when I came up with that whole bit about, you know, explaining, you know, the we're on a rock hurling through the universe.

[1207] Yeah.

[1208] Like how insane it is to pay attention to the Grand Canyon, you know, that bit.

[1209] Yep.

[1210] It's like there's people out there, look how deep the Grand Canyon is.

[1211] Meanwhile, above you is infinity.

[1212] Did you see the Graham Hancock video that he posted on his information website of the sound of the Earth from space?

[1213] Yes, I did.

[1214] I got that off on Twitter.

[1215] Dude, it's the radio waves that the, it's the radio waves that the radiation belts.

[1216] Yeah.

[1217] Yeah.

[1218] But it sounds a lot.

[1219] It sounds like dolphins.

[1220] It sounds like chirping whales.

[1221] Yeah, Brian, pull that up because it's fucking trippy.

[1222] Are you drinking a rock star?

[1223] You fucking rock star?

[1224] yeah by the way it was it's called uh earth hour it's actually one hour a year that that uh everyone's supposed to like just turn off all their power except for the refrigerator for an hour really yeah that's cool la doesn't do that shit how fuck you i gotta do coke what was the shit you want me to look at uh it's on graham hancock's site he's got this newsletter i don't know the exact it's just um just look up uh scientists find the sound of the earth yeah it'll pop up right away sounds like chirping dolphins or whales yeah yeah and it's uh apparently the the sound of the radiation belts make a sound that's like it wavers and wow yeah yeah we're weird man i think um it's just a matter of time before we we get contacted by something that's more intelligent than us I've been thinking that more and more lately.

[1225] I think if there is something out there that's more intelligent than human beings, it's going to have to contact us really soon because we're like real close.

[1226] Well, this is the thing, man. This is, I can't remember who fucking said this.

[1227] One of these singularity people said, humankind's first contact with an extraterrestrial or with rather an alien intelligence is going to be a machine that's woken up.

[1228] And that's going to be our first experience with it as something we made.

[1229] instead of...

[1230] Instead of a thing from space.

[1231] Well, it's possible.

[1232] It's possible.

[1233] It is possible that we're at the high...

[1234] I mean, there was one recent Harvard astronomer that decided after looking at 500 different stars that we may be the only thing out there and that there's so little life or evidence of life in these planets, these 500 different planets, rather, that they've observed.

[1235] But I think that's ridiculous.

[1236] I do too.

[1237] And most ridiculous because he is...

[1238] coming from a planet that has life.

[1239] That's one of those 500.

[1240] So it's not that there's nothing in 500.

[1241] No, you found one dummy, and you're on it.

[1242] There's one, and you found 500 that don't, but you found one that does, okay?

[1243] And you have to add that in, stupid.

[1244] You don't just go looking for another one.

[1245] And if the other one, you can't find it, well, they don't exist.

[1246] Meanwhile, you are one.

[1247] Right.

[1248] That doesn't make any sense.

[1249] And also, man, that creek bed in Mars, that shit gives me goosebumps.

[1250] When I see pictures of the fucking gravel and Mars from water flowing on Mars, I just think about what that must have looked like on that planet with Martian water rolling through, whatever was rolling through.

[1251] I think there was probably life on Mars.

[1252] Yeah, Brian, pull up how Earth sounds from space on YouTube, and it'll freak you.

[1253] It's fucking loud -ass people interfering with our podcast, yell on the street.

[1254] We got no sound -proofing here at the Ice House.

[1255] How Earth sounds from space.

[1256] It's on YouTube.

[1257] It shows the Earth itself.

[1258] You see like cloud formations and shit.

[1259] No, that's not the one.

[1260] That's not the most recent one.

[1261] Yeah, hmm.

[1262] Let me see.

[1263] Let me look up Graham and Hancock .com.

[1264] How was that movie you saw last night, Joe?

[1265] Fucking awesome.

[1266] What is this?

[1267] Looper.

[1268] Oh, good.

[1269] I'm glad that's good.

[1270] Oh, my God, is it good?

[1271] it's not just good it's like one of the best movies i think i've ever seen it was a really good fucking movie i can't find this sound man i don't know where it is anyway go find it folks it's on my twitter why don't i just look on my own fucking twitter stupid ass i'm so dumb um the uh the looper movie's really fucking good it's a really good writing you know i didn't know anything about it is it one of those mind benders where your like brain feels like it's getting stretched out because it's so No, you know, it wasn't, that was the thing.

[1272] They managed to avoid they managed to avoid all sorts if you go to my, my Twitter, Brian, I found it.

[1273] If you pull up there's a tweet, I retweeted a gentleman name, Aaron Rodriguez.

[1274] Aaron Rodriguez, congratulations.

[1275] You were the guy who gets mentioned on the podcast.

[1276] Aaron Rodriguez.

[1277] And it says apparently the Van Allen Radiation Belt sings like a whale.

[1278] Nothing to fear, guys.

[1279] And it's a 22 hours ago, I retweeted it.

[1280] So find that sun.

[1281] Son.

[1282] What was I saying?

[1283] You were talking about, I don't remember what you were talking about before that, man. Fucking lost me. I was, I don't know.

[1284] Oh, well, whales.

[1285] Oh, there it is.

[1286] That's our planet.

[1287] That's so creepy.

[1288] Sounds like it's calling a dog.

[1289] You know what it's calling other planets saying, this place is filled with cunts.

[1290] Help me. Sounds like a bunch of crickets and birds.

[1291] We have cunts.

[1292] with nuclear bombs don't fuck with it Brian Brian is the end of it I don't think that fucking thing that thing does not sound that that does not sound like a defenseless thing to me that sounds like a thing that could just jump out of the woods and bite your head off well it's not a real sound you know it's radio waves so we've sort of interpreted them as a sound as I understand it I don't think it's actually the sound you stuck your head out of the space shuttle you wouldn't hear that yeah because you're had to get wiped off but yeah you probably would hear that actually yeah you wouldn't hear shit your head would freeze and explode instantly isn't that crazy that you would just freeze instantly in space yeah you just couldn't live yeah is that someone at the door who is it who is it who is it whose motherfuckers keep interrupting I think well I think because the comedy show the comedy show starts in 30 minutes it's probably comics but comics would just come back here and not say anything hold on Oh Duncan Yes Brian How are you doing Where are you at next Where are you going out of town I'm going to Vancouver this weekend Oh lucky Are you playing at that hotel Comedy Club What's it called again?

[1293] The comedy mix Oh that's awesome I answered my own question It's Joey Diaz I knew it was Because Joey's the type of guy That just tries doors He doesn't knock The doors on locked I'll stay stealthy Keep it on the down low Cock sucker Um, so this is not, it's an audio rendering of radio waves.

[1294] Right.

[1295] That's what it is.

[1296] Yeah, it doesn't really sound like that.

[1297] Captured by, uh, probes.

[1298] That's still fucking weird.

[1299] Lock that door to keep out the stalkers or something.

[1300] What's going on, buddy?

[1301] You know me, dog.

[1302] You know me. Keeping it beautiful.

[1303] Did you lock it?

[1304] What do you got, man?

[1305] We're here for another sold -out show tonight at the Ice House in Pasadena Lays gentlemen will we sling comedy dick on a regular basis and uh you know we got a lot of people come back so we try to come up with as much new shit as possible and uh i'm gonna be doing a lot on the earth singing like a whale that's my new are you?

[1306] No I don't think there's any material I am doing a whole chunk on S &M tonight are you really?

[1307] Yes I am I can't wait to hear it you better not use any of my stories you fuck what S &M story do you have?

[1308] No I got all those fucking things oh you are the old you do not ball gag stories you have no ball gag stories and that's a shame no i i operate on a different level than you i don't know if i don't know if it's the right level well i'm not saying it is but it's definitely a different level you're into uh you're into on occasion let's make sure we say on occasion i'm not into some shit that makes me uncomfortable as a man i'm not afraid to experiment about what he's he's judging me because from time to time i'm not judging you i love you ball gag into a lady's mom and you wore diapers you know I never did that you made that up you know I would not judge you Duncan I would never judge you you're I love you exactly the way you are I don't want you to change even slightly but the ball gag thing bows me boss me I did it like four times he says that like it's totally normal like the first time I'm like well I'm still intrigued by this ball gag business let me try it again Joey sit in with us man what are you doing you're like what oh okay okay see in a minute Joey Diaz ladies gentlemen in and out he's here he's gone he's here for our sold out show the Bazadino eyeshams welcome to my radio voice so Opie and Anthony attacked these guys on what they call Jocktober they do it every year apparently it was fucking so funny because it was Opie and Anthony it was who else was on Tom Papa was in there um who else was in there i don't know it was just you know that that show is always like a bunch of people yes like all piled in together and it was really fucking funny and then within half an hour an hour of them doing it the radio station took down their facebook page because the o and a savages had started attacking the facebook page and shitting all over it and fucking go bananas and selling them they're all shodd drown in a shit like that This is so funny.

[1309] I mean, I just fucking love that they're so sensitive.

[1310] They took down their Facebook page.

[1311] Look, this is what happened.

[1312] You got goofed on.

[1313] You should have been goofed on a long time ago.

[1314] And then you would have never done that radio voice.

[1315] I think they train in that voice.

[1316] I think that there's schools where people train to talk like that.

[1317] Yeah, and you just choose like strip club or radio voice or weather person.

[1318] You know what Anthony was saying?

[1319] Anthony was saying that they made them it was Anthony your opening I forget I think they're both talking about it how the guy actually said I want you to visualize who your audience is just you know take a picture out of a magazine that represents that guy you know your blue collar guy and just put that up there on the wall and you know that's the guy you're talking to that's your guy you know and Anthony was saying that he put up John Casey it was really fucking funny that was pretty fucking funny that's great But it's like that, that happens whenever you get a producer involved in someone who's a non -creative person involved in, you know, and trying to, like, shape your radio personality.

[1320] What can I do, man, is just tighten up your image.

[1321] You need a thumb ring.

[1322] You thought about a nose ring?

[1323] Thumb ring, nose rings?

[1324] Yeah, man, thumb rings.

[1325] Anthony Bourdain is the only guy that I've ever met that used to wear a thumb ring.

[1326] That's not a douchebag.

[1327] He's a cool guy, and he has a thumb ring, and I'd watch him on the show.

[1328] And I'm like, man, I just got to talk to him about that ring.

[1329] We're going to be fine.

[1330] Or toe rings.

[1331] A dude, the toe ring.

[1332] Get the fuck out of here.

[1333] I've seen that before.

[1334] Get the fuck out of here.

[1335] And the tattoo around the belly button, that's another one.

[1336] Dude is get bored.

[1337] I can see tattooing your belly button.

[1338] That's just a bored issue.

[1339] But not a toe ring.

[1340] Did you see that shit on Reddit of the guy who had rim job tattooed on his face, like right on his mouth, on his mustache?

[1341] Really?

[1342] It's the saddest thing.

[1343] It looks like he's been crying.

[1344] like it's him and some other guy they're both obviously fucked up and one of them has some shit tattoo on his forehead but the other guy is right under his nose rim job I think there's a lot of people that are just incredibly self -destructive yeah what is that is that like us losing our natural reward system with hunter and gathering and being stuck into some weird fucking environment where we're taking pills and trying to overcome reality with pharmaceutical drugs and sedate ourselves through shit jobs and boring meaningless existences as a cog in the wheel and then you just go crazy substance abuse tattoo your face it's like the human version of pigs and slaughterhouses that start chewing off their own legs because they're too close to each other you just end up going into some but also a lot of times when people do that shit outside of the guy who did rim job a lot of times when people fuck up their body they're doing it because they want specific types of girls to like them I think I think that they're like writing rim job on your face Not that.

[1345] I said except for that guy, but like the people who like just fucking like put in the like hang themselves from their nipples or like people who do the ear, the big ear holes.

[1346] Do you think they're looking for certain types of girls?

[1347] I think that's what it is.

[1348] I think it's a mating pattern some of it for sure.

[1349] It is.

[1350] The ear thing is, I would have never saw that coming.

[1351] Me either.

[1352] I met a lot of cool people that have it too.

[1353] And I don't want to judge them.

[1354] I don't want to judge them.

[1355] But that's a fucking, it's a trippy thing.

[1356] You got a fucking toilet paper roll in your ear, son.

[1357] Did you see that prank?

[1358] Or maybe it was just a bigger.

[1359] It was an idea for a prank.

[1360] It's awful.

[1361] But it's like you sneak up on one of those guys with a lock and put it in the ear hole and lock it.

[1362] So then they've got a lock, like locked into their ear.

[1363] I think I saw a video of it or someone suggesting someone do that.

[1364] Whoa.

[1365] It's brutal.

[1366] That's horrific.

[1367] Because then you'd have to get it clipped.

[1368] That's horrific.

[1369] It's a dangerous thing, man. It's not a strategic thing to have giant holes in your ears.

[1370] It's dangerous.

[1371] Yeah, but what if you ripped it off and then beat the guy to death with it?

[1372] yeah you do that too well you would deserve it probably it's a shitty move yeah locking someone putting a lock in someone's fucking ear you better know the combination bitch that's a rude prank it's not i guess prank's the wrong word it's an assault an attack but yeah all that shit body modification that thing where uh people in korea is it korea that they're putting the donuts in their heads yeah head bagels yeah what's going on it's like we're sick of our bodies or something man we're taking these strange paths to make our bodies look different it's really fucking weird the lady just grew an ear off her arm but that wasn't cosmetic that's because she had to she had cancer yeah that's not related but yeah there is a lot of weird shit that people do but i say that but then i have two sleeves of tattoos you know have two arms they're covered in drawing yeah right but still it's i really can't talk no i think two sleeves of tattoos is a fuckload cooler than having your head inflated yeah it's cooler but it's still weird to you know the average person doesn't want to sit there and have someone draw on them with a fucking scratchy needle yeah it shoves ink under their skin just to make it look cool i want a fucking tattoo what would you get i don't know that's the problem man i mean it's tortured me for my whole life yeah i'm always thinking about what it would be and i don't know i'm hoping that uh when i when i go out to brazil and slurp back some ayahuasca it'll come to me i think little hobo just little hobo's a little sweet face on your arm little hobo with a giant dick, like evil boy that is tattooed on the dude from...

[1373] Yeah, De Antwerd.

[1374] Yeah.

[1375] Yeah, huge dick, but little hobo's face.

[1376] No. No?

[1377] I don't like that tattoo, guys.

[1378] Vainy, big, vainy giant dick.

[1379] Don't like that tattoo.

[1380] How about a black dick?

[1381] Nope.

[1382] How about a red dick to represent the American Indian being repressed, but on a comeback.

[1383] Now it means something.

[1384] A big hard red dick.

[1385] Like the Hulk if he was red.

[1386] you feel me on this nothing I don't feel it damn I feel like I was on a good path what would what about something from the Bhagavad Gita is there like like a but again like that shit all seems so fucking like contrived you know it seems a little bit because like I don't I'm not I'm not gonna like look at my arm you're like now I remember how about Alistair Crowley on your shoulder fuck that man I have an Alistair Correlly poster and shit falls off my walls I don't want it on my body some Some goddamn chaos, there's a chaos magician named Frater Isla.

[1387] I hope he doesn't care.

[1388] I said his name who mails me like really weird, occult shit, man. Like really strange, like he just sent me a demon, a demon summoning box where he's painted the front of it.

[1389] It sounds really dumb.

[1390] A demon summoning box?

[1391] Yeah.

[1392] There's a, anyway, there's a lot of weird.

[1393] There's a lot of strange shit.

[1394] out there, man. But the point is, I would never want Crowley tattooed on my body.

[1395] There's a lot of people that have Terrence McKenna tattooed on them.

[1396] Pretty interesting.

[1397] I think that's pretty good, but I don't know, man. I like more of something that's less specific.

[1398] You know, something that maybe has...

[1399] The Terence McKenna tattoo is going to be real problematic.

[1400] If December 21st, 2012 rolls over and nothing happens.

[1401] Although he wasn't really convinced that anything was going to happen.

[1402] Well, everyone's got the...

[1403] I mean, there's a simple out for 2012, which is that it's a shift in the vibrational frequencies.

[1404] Well, no one's ever predicted anything ever.

[1405] That's my problem with it.

[1406] No one's ever correctly predicted any, like, you know, huge change in the world ever.

[1407] No one's ever said, you know, on this day to specifically, to the day.

[1408] Right.

[1409] The world will change forever.

[1410] Yeah.

[1411] They tried with Y2K.

[1412] Yes.

[1413] Oh, God.

[1414] That was crazy.

[1415] I wonder if they tried with, I wonder if people thought 1984 was going to be a big year because of the book.

[1416] Man, I remember.

[1417] Do you remember...

[1418] You didn't?

[1419] I don't know.

[1420] I don't remember that.

[1421] Well, 1984 is like nothing compared to what's really going on right now.

[1422] And your fucking phone is a, like, a wireless GPS tracker that they can turn on and listen to you and record you talking anywhere you are.

[1423] Yeah, that shit.

[1424] We were so primitive back then, man. And your phone had to plug into the wall.

[1425] Well, it's really interesting when you go back to like to 1800s, you know, like, when was the war of the worlds were written?

[1426] I believe it was written in the 1800s, right?

[1427] I don't know.

[1428] Early 1900s.

[1429] The radio was, yeah.

[1430] 1920s or 30s, I think.

[1431] Okay.

[1432] Of the world.

[1433] I'll say 1923.

[1434] Well, when Homeboy did it on the radio, Orson Wells, what year was that?

[1435] It was H .G. Wells, 1898.

[1436] Oh, damn.

[1437] Yeah.

[1438] And then Orson Wells did it, I think, in the early 1900s.

[1439] Hey, powerful Ian Edwards is here, ladies and gentlemen.

[1440] What's up, brother?

[1441] How you guys?

[1442] Good to see you, man. Have a seat.

[1443] Have a seat.

[1444] Come on in.

[1445] Park it.

[1446] Comics have started to shuffle in, ladies and gentlemen, which means we're going to shift from this to that.

[1447] Yeah, let's shift.

[1448] We're going to shift from the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast explosion in your mouth to a nice house.

[1449] Chronicles.

[1450] Does that sound good, Brian?

[1451] Oh, I didn't know where you're doing that.

[1452] Do you want to do one?

[1453] Not really.

[1454] We don't have to.

[1455] Okay, then we won't do it.

[1456] All right, folks.

[1457] No more fucking podcast.

[1458] Well, we got, uh, well, it's not even 10 o 'clock, though, dude.

[1459] Let's keep going then.

[1460] If we're not going to do an Ice House Chronicles, let's keep going, because it's only, it's only quarter to 10.

[1461] It shows at 10 .30.

[1462] But, uh, we've got another sold -out show here tonight at the Ice House, Ian Edwards.

[1463] Ready to get you freak on?

[1464] What do you, what about this, um, this shit with, uh, the dispensaries now?

[1465] That, it got overturned.

[1466] What happened?

[1467] Well, I think they decided to let them continue to operate because they needed tax revenue.

[1468] It would be catastrophic to a lot of these neighborhoods if all of a sudden those businesses pulled out.

[1469] What people don't understand is that these businesses, these cannabis dispensaries, have become a big part of the economic success of a lot of communities.

[1470] I mean, not only do people work there and have jobs and get paid, but they also pay rent to landlords.

[1471] I mean, there's a lot of them.

[1472] There's hundreds of them.

[1473] That would mean that hundreds of places no longer have someone renting them.

[1474] And it's not like there's like a shortage of places to rent.

[1475] There's a lot of places to rent.

[1476] So if you, you know, it's like commercial real estate.

[1477] Like I had to look around at a lot of commercial places to get a podcast studio.

[1478] I looked at a lot of office space and stuff like that.

[1479] It's fucking everywhere.

[1480] Everywhere.

[1481] So many places are available and open.

[1482] And if they decided just randomly to shut down 700 different fucking dispensaries for, just dubious reasons for reasons that don't make any sense at all.

[1483] It would be, it would suck.

[1484] It would fuck up the economy.

[1485] There's a lot of money that goes to paying taxes.

[1486] Joe, was it, was it, I also read that the DEA was saying that they're going to stop rating medicinal marijuana dispensaries.

[1487] Did you read that?

[1488] No, I didn't read that.

[1489] When did they say that?

[1490] See, someone tweeted that.

[1491] I don't know if it's true.

[1492] I think it might be, it might be fake.

[1493] You were high.

[1494] You probably were high as fuck.

[1495] Because one of the things that I read is that the DEA, they won't disclose any information about busts.

[1496] And what they're doing is they're going in and raiding people.

[1497] They're taking all their marijuana.

[1498] They're taking their money.

[1499] They're taking their plants.

[1500] They confiscate all the records.

[1501] They write down everyone's name.

[1502] And then they do nothing.

[1503] And they don't have to do anything.

[1504] And when you try to find information in the case, they just say it's an ongoing investigation.

[1505] And they don't do anything.

[1506] So the DEA comes in.

[1507] They're kind of doing something, but they ain't really doing nothing.

[1508] They're coming in and jacking people and not arresting anybody.

[1509] And Todd McCormick was the first person who told me about this.

[1510] And I was like, that doesn't even make sense.

[1511] I was like, am I missing something in this story?

[1512] and then I went and looked at it online, but no, that is the practice.

[1513] The practice is they just make it ridiculous for these people to try to run a business, and they come in and take all their shit.

[1514] I think they're just like trying to act like they're doing something to kind of put the, keep the show going, that they're doing their job, but they don't really want to arrest it.

[1515] I think they probably agree with the states that have California, that have weed laws, but there's like, all right, we got to do something.

[1516] So let's just shut this down, but not really try people.

[1517] I don't know if it's an agreement.

[1518] thing because a lot of cops do not like weed you know when when cops break into guys houses and shoot their dog 17 fucking times and look around and find a pipe a little bit of weed on it have you seen some of those i can't watch those videos i've seen the links i can't watch they're horrendous man they shot some former marines 17 times the other day and they thought this guy had pot on him he had nothing it's the whole thing it's crazy they thought he was a dealer there's no pot in the house when they're going to put some of these cops away just to let other cops know it's always like you know let's not rush to judgment the police chiefs Like, let's not rush the judgment.

[1519] Let's see what happens.

[1520] Like, but they rush to judgment when the cops write up a criminal form on somebody that they arrest.

[1521] Right.

[1522] And they put the story on the news.

[1523] Like, instantly that person's guilty.

[1524] But when a cop shoot somebody, let's just wait.

[1525] Well, sometimes they do that.

[1526] But, you know, the Internet is sort of taking a lot of that away.

[1527] They're exposing these people like that, that officer at UC Davis that's pepper sprayed those kids in the face.

[1528] And then there was the recent situation where the cop cold cockings.

[1529] chick at a Puerto Rican Day Pride Parade.

[1530] He thought that she did something, but she didn't.

[1531] She just was in the wrong place, the wrong time.

[1532] So he turns around and cracks her.

[1533] It was fucked up, man. It's fucked up to watch.

[1534] That guy's in trouble.

[1535] That guy's in trouble.

[1536] Should be.

[1537] Yeah, he fucking should be.

[1538] Even if she did throw water out of him, you're not allowed to punch her, dude.

[1539] You're a cop.

[1540] Girl throws water.

[1541] You can't punch her in the face.

[1542] This is the cool thing, man. This is the cool thing about the proliferation of fucking cameras everywhere.

[1543] Like, it goes both ways.

[1544] But I've heard that the TSA is not letting you film them anymore.

[1545] Have you heard this?

[1546] Yeah.

[1547] Yeah, I have heard that.

[1548] Yeah, that's what, when we had, who was telling us the story?

[1549] Kevin Pereira was telling us the story of being stuck at the airport and trying to film it, having his girlfriend trying to film it, and they wouldn't let her.

[1550] Yeah, that's fucked.

[1551] And they took them into a room.

[1552] It's like, I don't have a witness here anymore.

[1553] At least out there I have a witness.

[1554] Like, I want to film this.

[1555] Yeah.

[1556] They wouldn't let him.

[1557] They wouldn't let him.

[1558] The whole thing is, it's just, it's ridiculous.

[1559] It's hilarious.

[1560] The TSA acting like cops now.

[1561] Police state, ladies and gentlemen, we've reached a police state.

[1562] People want to control people.

[1563] The system sucks.

[1564] The system's a mess.

[1565] People are complaining.

[1566] And then they want to control the people complaining.

[1567] So they want to tighten down the police state instead of addressing what the people are complaining about.

[1568] When people get to the point where they're rioting in the streets or there's an Occupy Wall Street type of movement, man, the fact that the government does not address that on a formal basis, on a regular basis, that they're not doing something about that and adjusting it, just shows you how.

[1569] how much contempt they have for the actual people and who they really work for.

[1570] That's not even a subject of...

[1571] I guarantee that shit's not going to come up in the debates.

[1572] You think they're going to talk about Occupy Wall Street and addressing their demands?

[1573] Or the petro dollar?

[1574] Or the fact that China is like apparently switching away from the dollar to buy oil?

[1575] Have you heard about that shit?

[1576] No, no. I don't blame him.

[1577] Have you seen the value of the dollar?

[1578] Jesus.

[1579] What does it even mean?

[1580] The spooky thing is apparently our entire currency is based on the fact that most people use it to buy oil.

[1581] And so they have to have vast reserves of it on hand to buy the oil.

[1582] But if that changes, then our dollar will drop even more than it's valued at now in the most extreme way because it's not based on gold.

[1583] And so a lot of people, it's called the petro dollar theory.

[1584] It's on Wikipedia.

[1585] It's a theory.

[1586] But the theory is that all the wars that we've been in have been with places that we're about to switch the currency from the dollar to something else.

[1587] And whenever that happens, we go in an attack because that's the only thing that our dollars valued on.

[1588] But it's a theory.

[1589] It's a conspiracy theory.

[1590] Well, isn't that why we attacked Iraq?

[1591] Yes.

[1592] And right after we had, because he had already switched over, and we attacked Iraq, and then we turned it back to the dollar within a year of attacking.

[1593] It's hilarious.

[1594] Yeah.

[1595] What a wild jacking.

[1596] You won't hear them talk about that in the fucking debates.

[1597] You won't hear that come up.

[1598] Well, you want to hear them talk about WikiLeaks.

[1599] So there is a purpose to all these wars.

[1600] That's good to know that they're not doing it for nothing.

[1601] That's good, man. Well, they're doing it for money, son.

[1602] yes yeah you're not you're not gonna hear anybody talk about WikiLeaks in the debate that shit ain't gonna come out and they're gonna sweep that on the rug is that dude still hold up in that yeah isn't that crazy he's been there for months do you think they get him any pussy he should get some yes they should sneak him in some hippie pussy does he have to pay rent there it's a good question I wonder if he's got a dope sweet he just promises not to leak anything about them yeah what he has to promise oh shit he probably has some serious shit on that guy Well, it's weird that they're in England, but it's the Ecuadorian embassy.

[1603] So he's allowed to stay, even though he's in England.

[1604] They all just stand around, wait for him to come out.

[1605] So he stays in that house for months.

[1606] He's been in that house for months.

[1607] No, he comes out and does little speeches from that balcony.

[1608] Yeah, but he's still in the house technically.

[1609] I was calling him Ray Ponzo.

[1610] Is that Ray Punzel?

[1611] Is it Ray Punzel or Ray Punzel?

[1612] Well, they already got the DNA test back on the condom and it shows none of his DNA.

[1613] Yeah, I don't think you...

[1614] No, they just want to get him there.

[1615] That's a story.

[1616] Sorry, Julian Assange, I love you.

[1617] Yeah, they're jacking that guy.

[1618] Yeah, it's really scary, isn't it?

[1619] Yeah, it's fucking scary.

[1620] And also that other guy that's just in some pod somewhere getting waterhose 24 hours a day.

[1621] Oh, Bradley Manning?

[1622] Yeah.

[1623] They have him in solitary confinement.

[1624] He's naked.

[1625] He's not allowed to wear clothes.

[1626] He's just like balled up in a fetal position in some orange room getting sprayed with water hoses every few hours.

[1627] They play loud music.

[1628] Yeah.

[1629] Is that what you heard?

[1630] I made up a lot of that when I went to visit him that's how it was after I fucked him but he's not doing great I don't think he can send letters and stuff I don't think he can do anything I think he sent enough letters you know saying Yeah they're essentially psychologically torturing him He's gone I bet he's gone When he comes out of there He's going to be a drooling boo Radley He won't know anything That's optimistic Is it when he comes out of there Yeah he's never coming out of there It's really interesting thing is this guy could have done something far worse and he would be in a real prison interacting with people.

[1631] He could have been a murderer.

[1632] He could have been the DC sniper.

[1633] He could have been, you know, he could have done something far more horrific and he would be interacting with people.

[1634] What this guy did was leak some information about some shit that he thought was horrific.

[1635] And in doing so, they're treating him like he is fucking Lex Luthor.

[1636] They're treating him like he's the worst bad guy ever.

[1637] Meanwhile, Manson's in a regular prison somewhere.

[1638] Rogan, have you seen this list that leaked about the different signs that someone's a terrorist like it leaked from the army or something like what to look for?

[1639] What was one of them?

[1640] Everything you do.

[1641] Like you are like, because there's gradients on the list and on the red side.

[1642] It's pretty much all of us are like would be considered like terrorists by this new thing.

[1643] Yeah, back in the day.

[1644] Did you find it?

[1645] Oh, if you use social media.

[1646] Yeah.

[1647] Read some of it.

[1648] read some of it back back in the day this podcast would probably be considered like communist oh in the McCarthy era or you know just just some red party shit for sure wow here's some warning signs according to the U .S. military wow you've recently changed your choices in entertainment you have peculiar discussions I've gone to blowjob porn you complain about bias you're socially withdrawn Joey Diaz what up Joey What's up, baby?

[1649] How are you doing, man?

[1650] You don't me. Is that on?

[1651] Put the pieces together.

[1652] I don't hear him.

[1653] Check.

[1654] There he goes.

[1655] Check.

[1656] You're socially withdrawn.

[1657] You're frustrated with mainstream ideologies.

[1658] Your risk factors for radicalization include social networks and youth.

[1659] Like, you're just being young.

[1660] You're a terrorist.

[1661] Everybody on Facebook is a terrorist.

[1662] You're young, you're a terrorist.

[1663] That is fucking hilarious.

[1664] that is just like the most broad sweeping brush I think I've ever read ever in an official document Who came out with this?

[1665] This is...

[1666] Some cunts.

[1667] No, I think it's like the army.

[1668] But the combination of this with the indefinite detention act, that's where shit gets creepy.

[1669] Because it's one thing to just be like, yeah, those are signs that someone might be doing something weird, but then I think a terrorist, someone suspected of terrorism, can just get arrested according to the indefinite detention act without a trial.

[1670] Yeah.

[1671] So that's where shit gets a little, um not not going to sleep that well at night well we have this uh girl who's coming on the podcast tomorrow amber lion who was working for cnn and was like clearly censored like they were told not to tell stories there's certain things they were told not to cover there's certain areas where they wanted to uh they wanted to report on actual news and they were told not to and they were told to read off government propaganda they knew was not true yeah and this is on cnn so you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's not like, it's not like people going, oh, yeah, well, they wouldn't act on that stuff.

[1672] No, no, no, no, no, no. This is like, like, they've figured out a way to control media and propaganda is a real thing now.

[1673] It's 100 % real.

[1674] They can, they can lie to you all day long.

[1675] And if you want to travel anywhere, they can restrict you.

[1676] They, not only can they restrict you, but just to travel, you are going to have your body magnetically scanned so they can see you fucking naked if you travel you must allow them to see your naked body but that doesn't work as Joey Diaz clearly explained on the Alex Jones show they missed a bag of weed hidden under his balls it can't see through Joey's balls no matter what they might be able to see distant telescopes they have not yet developed a scanner machine they can see past Joey's balls so you better watch that Al Qaeda's going to cut your balls off so you want to smuggle something to another country you have to buy some Joey Diaz sack skin what they need to do is the scientists that clone dolly the sheep they need to clone joey's balls just make them really large it's the new coffee grounds put them over stealth bombers and you can just fucking fly in the x -ray machines wouldn't see shit ever get your knees x -rayed they put that fucking umpire thing on your chest yeah yeah yeah that's what my skin on my nuts is it doesn't go through it's like umpire fucking shield it doesn't go through because it's i hide that sack behind there and it all they could see is this motherfucker got three nuts that's all they can see this is the luckiest motherfucker in the world i just think they don't want to look there they're like i'm just going to overlook that part did you see this shit they just get more they robbed 800000 dollars worth of loot the TSA people yeah they found the iPad did you see that did you see that yeah but they're robbing those motherfuckers dog yeah they definitely they're always like swiping watches and shit you gotta be careful but I went through the TSA today and they were being extra careful because like a penny it dropped off into the bin and they're like sir your penny don't forget your penny oh yeah yeah they probably just stole a laptop and they're feeling guilty everybody's watching everybody's watching you know what's interesting this is a metal watch this watch is made in a metal but it doesn't go off go right through the scanner machine it never goes off wouldn't you fucking wouldn't it be hilarious they're not even checking you how fucking crazy would that be how crazy would that be if half those machines it really costs like $800 for each body to go through and they just make you go through and press a And go, you're going through it.

[1677] They're just checking to see who gets nervous.

[1678] Look how many fucking times they find people with bullets and guns and fucking stupidy.

[1679] It makes you really think.

[1680] It really makes you fucking think.

[1681] I guarantee half these people are like, listen, just whatever.

[1682] Just whatever.

[1683] You know, today's a day.

[1684] It's a free fucking day.

[1685] You come on with a bazooka.

[1686] We're not going to catch you.

[1687] Well, they did some independent testing where they tried to get people through and they got through with a bunch of shit.

[1688] People got through with guns and guys, you'd be fucking surprised.

[1689] You'd be fucking surprised.

[1690] Well, you know what goes off?

[1691] foil from gum huh yeah when you have like a pack of dentine with a push through foil back that shit goes off you have that in your pocket you'll beep like you got a weapon but meanwhile the metal that your watch is made out of for whatever fucking reason that doesn't go off man man it just makes you want to puke when I look over and see a fucking old man today I saw an 80 year old man with a brace on his neck getting like a hardcore head down you know what come on he probably was he white he probably deserves He did some shit back in the day Creepy shit he did To get to be alive And he did some racist shit He needs to get searched I hope those are black TSA workers They're working him over like a water hose I hope they dip their fingers Inside sanitizers Stuck it right up his ass He had sand Good job Tatar Deep in his ass Imagine what I feel like a hand sanitizer Inside your ass That would not be Would a cut in your asshole Meanwhile someone's done it Someone's done it Someone does it all day Someone's probably addicted to doing that Going to a doctor I gotta stop putting Hand sanitizer up my ass on the doctor She's like what?

[1692] A new thing A new fucking thing Do you remember when we went to some town You and I And we had dinner with some doctor I was there He was telling us about Emergency Room shit Oh yeah A friend of mine He used to work in a message Did you remember he was To all that they In Chicago National That they buried the fucking guy Remember what were the stories About the hospital This motherfucker Did John Rallel Tell you about his buddy The Boxer who went for shoulder surgery and before you have shoulder surgery they shoot a thing in you and it fucking freezes your arm your nerves, you can't have your nerves like 18 months.

[1693] They shot the motherfucker in the wrong arm.

[1694] Oh no. Yeah, boxer.

[1695] That's John Rowler.

[1696] He took somebody Andre Ward to a decision or something like that a couple years ago and then they did the surgery.

[1697] They shot this motherfucker in the wrong arm.

[1698] It takes 18 months to heal because I guess it's one centimeter a fucking month that it heals backwards, John was telling me. Can you imagine they're going for surgery to take out your wrong fucking eye?

[1699] Boss Rubin has a nerve issue that he had nerves fucked up, and it was over a year where his arm hadn't healed yet.

[1700] Yeah.

[1701] Nerves to show them a long time.

[1702] Dude, I've heard of people bringing their dogs into the vet to get them groomed, and they put them to sleep because of confusion.

[1703] They get it confused.

[1704] Oh, God.

[1705] Yeah, Will Ferrell's cats.

[1706] Oh, shit.

[1707] What?

[1708] That's a call back from an old Joe Rogan podcast.

[1709] Will Ferrell's cats, feral cats.

[1710] Oh, remember that?

[1711] Well, going back to the EMS shit, a friend of mine, he was a comic, and he used to be a, you know, he used to work in an ambulance in Queens, and, like, people were coming with shit stuck in their ass.

[1712] Like, one guy had a guy Joe doll.

[1713] That's what it was.

[1714] He was talking about people getting stuck in their ass.

[1715] Well, Steve Graham, Steve Graham always talks about that.

[1716] When he did his residency in Miami, he said they found light bulbs of people's asses.

[1717] Those twisty light bulbs?

[1718] Oh, the twisty joints hilarious.

[1719] People stuck in light bulbs.

[1720] up their asses and then the light bulb was broke.

[1721] Dude, the thing he said...

[1722] Well, this dude stuck a G .I. Joe J .I. Joe doll up his ass, but he couldn't pull it out because the arms opened up.

[1723] Like prongs.

[1724] Like prongs, and then that's when he had to call the ambulance.

[1725] It's like a barb.

[1726] He was like hooked.

[1727] Yeah.

[1728] Dude, this guy, the doctor we were talking at, too, at dinner, he said something that I'd never heard before, which is some people were taking nitrous oxide.

[1729] Remember this?

[1730] And inflating their testicles with it.

[1731] Oh, yeah.

[1732] And that some...

[1733] People were doing it with salient, too.

[1734] And that a guy like...

[1735] Do you know where you can get this nitrous oxide?

[1736] Dude, I have no idea, but it's just...

[1737] You get it from Duncan's testicles.

[1738] He's got a spout.

[1739] He's the word.

[1740] It's crazy.

[1741] He lets it out.

[1742] It whistles like a balloon.

[1743] I heard of a chicken jersey one time.

[1744] My buddy was in the hospital.

[1745] He said some chick came in.

[1746] She put a frozen hot dog in her pussy and it broke.

[1747] So she had to go get it tightened up.

[1748] Oh, no. Do you imagine I have an old hot dog in your fucking...

[1749] And she was so cold.

[1750] Like a fucking ballpark.

[1751] She's such a cold bitch.

[1752] The shit didn't even melt.

[1753] It just, it got harder.

[1754] It got harder.

[1755] It's fucking disgusting.

[1756] It froze and crushed.

[1757] It came out as snow.

[1758] Am snow?

[1759] It's an icicle.

[1760] I have an icicle.

[1761] Oh, shit.

[1762] I mean, if you can think of it, someone stuffed it up there out.

[1763] Like, just call a dude.

[1764] Right?

[1765] Someone is, someone stuffed one of these.

[1766] These microphone stands, someone shoved one of these up their ass, right?

[1767] Someone shoved beer bottles up their ass.

[1768] We've also, two guys, one cup.

[1769] You've seen that.

[1770] That guy stuck like a mayonnaise jar up his ass.

[1771] You see that?

[1772] That's amazing.

[1773] Oh, he put, stuck like a, like, one of those jars where you get some really good jelly.

[1774] You know, you get that preserves, where it was like a fancy, fancy glass jar.

[1775] That guy had that deep in his ass and it broke.

[1776] And then, like, clunks.

[1777] of chunks of broken glass and blood are coming out of his ass I mean it is a crazy fucking scene what about those junkies in prison that walk around with a syringe in their asshole what a fucking syringe with a spoon matches and they they tuck it in their asshole the store that's where they store it right needles syringes in your hand after 10 years of doing it it's just like nothing he's hoping your asshole and take a needle out of that oh my god isn't that the way they say that a lot of guys get hepatitis from exchanging needles if they don't have clean needles.

[1778] It's fucked up though.

[1779] There's diseases that come just from sex.

[1780] Like, how did syphilis ever get?

[1781] You know, we were talking about like swine flu and all these different things that come from massive farms, which is a lot of flus come from.

[1782] But how is fucking sexually transmitted diseases come from?

[1783] Who was the first person to get herpes?

[1784] Like, how did that get?

[1785] Kelly cursed.

[1786] Now Capone died of syphilis Siphilis Fucking syphilis Now what is syphilis How does it get into you What comes out of your dick What leakage?

[1787] When I was about 15 My buddy told me Had a problem He goes can you go to the fucking Clinic with me And I never forget Going to the clinic after school Not even thinking about it guys And seeing bitches With sores in their mouth And fucking shit leaking I was like I made a mental note right there Like right there I was like I ain't fucking around with bitches till I'm old.

[1788] Well, this is the, one of the things, they shut down the porn industry because they do that syphilis and started giving them the people syphilis.

[1789] This is, uh, during 2010, there was four, 45 ,000, 834 new cases of syphilis compared to 48 ,000 um, uh, HIV infections and 309 ,000 cases of gonorrhea.

[1790] Whoa, gonorrhea is popular.

[1791] Which ones that, what, three hundred and nine thousand cases of gonorrhea.

[1792] And for, holy shit.

[1793] And that's just for those who thought gonorrhea was over, it's back, y 'all.

[1794] Your back, bitch, bitch, is gonorrhea coming on strong, kid?

[1795] It's gonorrhea the clap.

[1796] That's a good question.

[1797] Is that the clap?

[1798] Gonorrhea is the clap?

[1799] I would assume it was that.

[1800] Two -thirds of syphilis occurred amongst men who have had sex with men.

[1801] Wow.

[1802] Most syphilis is gay syphilis.

[1803] There are 377 reports of children with congenital syphilis.

[1804] Which means why.

[1805] Children?

[1806] They get it with it.

[1807] They guess they're born with it.

[1808] Syphilis is transmitted from person to person.

[1809] It's a bacterium disease caused by long, it's caused by bacterium can cause long -term complications and or death if not adequately treated.

[1810] Sores can occur on the lips and in the mouth.

[1811] Syphilis can be transmitted during vaginal, anal, or oral sexual contact.

[1812] Pregnant women with the disease can pass it on to their unborn children.

[1813] Damn you, you syphilis.

[1814] Siphilis is a motherfucker.

[1815] How quickly do symptoms appear after infection?

[1816] The average time between infection with syphilis and the appearance of the first symptom is 21 days, but it can range up to 90 days.

[1817] Ooh.

[1818] Dude, I knew a guy you used to say that fucking pussy with gonorrhea was the best pussy.

[1819] What?

[1820] That is crazy.

[1821] Because it was so hot because it was like feverishly hot.

[1822] Oh my God.

[1823] I think it's safe to say that guy's a silly bitch.

[1824] How many times has he done it?

[1825] Yeah, that's crazy.

[1826] I don't know, man. What are you doing an ad for gonorrhea bitches and the fucking man?

[1827] I'm looking for a bitch with gonorrhea.

[1828] First of all, I did not.

[1829] I'm not here for a long time.

[1830] I'm here for a good time, too.

[1831] First of all, I did not say it like that.

[1832] That's number one.

[1833] I'm going to get some of that lava pussy.

[1834] Lava pussy.

[1835] Son, they ain't lived.

[1836] That molten puss.

[1837] There's motherfuckers that love period pussy, you know.

[1838] Oh, yeah.

[1839] What are you going to do?

[1840] I can't even look at that fucking dragon when it's bloody like that.

[1841] When I was like, well, after my mother died, I got a booty call from some chick She called me up when I was still living in the house like I was still living in the fucking house And I remember she I walked to a house because in those days you had no fucking text or nothing You had to dial that long motherfucking number.

[1842] You had to go deep on your fucking phone and walk over walk the bitch back.

[1843] You remember when a chick lived in the other part of state long distance?

[1844] Long distance and you couldn't fall in love there was no Skype you had a whack off on the phone it cost you fucking $10 to whack off Who remembers sports phone?

[1845] Nobody.

[1846] What is that?

[1847] Sports phone was a phone for degenerate gamblers that cost you 35 cents to call.

[1848] They updated every 30 minutes, though.

[1849] Oh, you remember that?

[1850] I do remember that.

[1851] It was like that was the only thing that survived outside of sex calls.

[1852] That's it.

[1853] But this is back in the 80s when you'd be at a bar shooting pool and a motherfucker come in dog who won the game.

[1854] I don't know, call sports phone.

[1855] I called a sex phone line once while I was beating off and I was a kid.

[1856] and came when the chick asked me, can I help you?

[1857] Can I help you?

[1858] I was like, oh, wow.

[1859] Thanks, bitch.

[1860] Yeah, I was like, what am I going to do?

[1861] How am I going to pay for this?

[1862] I don't have a credit card.

[1863] Blah, I just jizzed all over myself.

[1864] That's all you need sometimes, just a voice.

[1865] You're like, I call you back.

[1866] How much?

[1867] Yeah, I mean, that's probably, how many dudes probably called people up beating off while they were on the phone?

[1868] I remember being a security guard at night at this complex they were building for seniors.

[1869] And the only thing to do was, like, you're bored at night.

[1870] You just call the phone.

[1871] So I used to go on the party line.

[1872] Like, I ran up like a $1 ,000 bill in like a week.

[1873] So I'm a security guard, and I got to pay this shit back.

[1874] They're taking the money out of my check.

[1875] I'm basically working for this party line.

[1876] Wow.

[1877] It's just crazy.

[1878] Wow.

[1879] That's one of those.

[1880] What happens on a party line?

[1881] He just talked to a bunch of people.

[1882] That's incredible.

[1883] It's almost like the phone internet.

[1884] Yeah, it's like, yeah, chat roulette now, basically.

[1885] How many people were in the room with you?

[1886] when you would call you called the number you talked to like three or four people and some people just listen some people contribute some people get off new people would join on and never called the party line no i never called one it was it was addictive until i got that bill then i was like how much was it a minute this show was expensive y 'all that's crazy isn't that amazing that they could just charge you to connect your fucking phone lines together and charge you ridiculous amounts of money and you don't even know what you it's not like you see it like running like a meter so you can go, ah, just hang it up.

[1887] I thought there was girls on those lines.

[1888] I thought the idea was.

[1889] Sometimes there'd be girls, you know, but you can't see them.

[1890] You know, you're just talking.

[1891] Are they from your town?

[1892] No idea.

[1893] No idea.

[1894] It was like, I don't know if it was an 800 number or some shit like that.

[1895] I bet a lot of people would probably pretend they were from your town.

[1896] You know, where you're from Kansas?

[1897] I'm from Kansas, too.

[1898] Where are you at?

[1899] I'm coming to get you.

[1900] I'm coming to get you.

[1901] I'm on my way.

[1902] I saw a show about a guy who got tricked by these Nigerians.

[1903] scammers and it was fucking sad this poor dude went to Europe twice he believed that this girl was waiting for him in Europe twice saw that shit I see that?

[1904] Isn't it kind of creepy?

[1905] That's fucked up yeah it's like what the fuck man he got went there twice loneliness sucks yeah fucking sucks hard but that's how you know social media works on the computer it's just from back in the day when we used to make those phone calls to those party lines people just been lonely for ages yeah and just a way to connect without being in front of somebody and then that's why Facebook and MySpace is so successful or was well people literally get sick when they don't have contact with other people if they don't get sick physically they get sick mentally yeah something something goes wrong you ever go to a strip club and you can tell the dudes that are fucking lonely bro they bring the chick's gifts oh yeah how's your mother how's your brother yeah let's do a dance I really don't want to dance you when you see those guys and if you interview a stripper or talk to a stripper and she starts to tell you those stories your heart breaks you're like really some guy came in and gave you 800 to sit and talk to you for an hour well when I used to go to visit Eddie when Eddie worked as a DJ you know I got to watch like some really crazy shit crazy shit you got to see like the girls were just like you know they'd be like your friend like hey what's up hey how you doing you know like Eddie was like just like friends with all these girls they would come in and then guys would like buy them cars like this one girl the guy came in and she immediately is like oh my god how are you she like puts on this act and goes runs over and hugs him and she's like she's really hot and she's naked okay she's really hot and she's naked and the dude is a zero you know he's just a dorky sad goofy confused guy who's just not that good socially and doesn't understand he's being played and i think he had like a regular job too man he's like a fucking postman or some shit but he would blow all his money on her and he got her car, like, at least they're like one of those nice Yukons.

[1906] It's like, it was crazy.

[1907] It's what they just take them like vampires.

[1908] Just draw them in.

[1909] And just just for the guy, just to be in contact with a girl like that is enough.

[1910] The chicks, the guys that give them the most are the ones that don't fuck.

[1911] Yeah, they don't want to.

[1912] Guys that give him the most.

[1913] Listen, when I kidnap that dude, my partner on the deal, my partner on the deal, the reason, his motivation.

[1914] Like, you know, when you go to acting class and they're like what's your motivation his motivation for the kidnapping was he was dating a chick no no no no no no no he was friends with a chick at a strip club that danced naked her and her husband had a beef he threw her out she loved the guy I you know the guy but she wouldn't sleep with him because she was Catholic she couldn't sleep him until she got divorced this guy was giving her all his money it's the guys that don't get the pussy that give the most loot.

[1915] Yeah, it's a story as old as time.

[1916] It's fucking amazing.

[1917] I want to be into the stripper part of the story, but when you say the time I kidnapped that dude, I just can't, I don't know the stories, I can't just let that shit go.

[1918] And you all probably discussed this a thousand times.

[1919] It's fucking crazy that I saw that.

[1920] When he told me, he came to my house, he looked at mine, he's like, oh, we got to kidnap it.

[1921] At that time, it wasn't a kidnap.

[1922] He said, we got to rob this dude.

[1923] I need the money.

[1924] I'm like, what money?

[1925] He told me the story, and I'm like, Oh, fuck.

[1926] Did you have, like, red flags going off?

[1927] Right there.

[1928] Yeah, he wasn't even robbing it for the good of it.

[1929] You know, he was robbing for a chick so she could get divorced.

[1930] Oh.

[1931] Oh, here's what gets better.

[1932] He owned the house.

[1933] His mother had a bunch of houses.

[1934] She was a real estate mold.

[1935] He fucking had her in one of the houses.

[1936] Profile Doug Benson, ladies and gentlemen.

[1937] He had her in one of the houses.

[1938] Free rent.

[1939] He was paying the rent for it.

[1940] That's so common.

[1941] It's just girls are this.

[1942] Profil Doug Benson.

[1943] What's up, buddy?

[1944] it's very fucking sad girls have been doing that to guys forever but guys have been doing that the girls too man it's like people get played i think if you want to be a victim you want to be a victim some guys want to say i bought a girl a car nothing happened well it's also that these guys are so that these girls are so out of their league that they're willing to do almost anything to get and they can't believe these girls are even talking to them i mean girls are tens man incredible body beautiful tits look at that ass i can't believe she's sitting on my lap and she's stroking his hair and puts her tits in his face and juggles him back and forth and this dude is gone man he's in heaven this is this is closer to heaven than he's ever been because no girl ever looked anything like this has ever touched him and no girls ever really wanted to touch him some dudes they go through life without anybody being like really passionate about them ever no one's attracted to them they're socially awkward who knows what kind of fucking weird childhood they had and this girls can do a number on a dude like that.

[1945] There's no way there's no way he could stop her.

[1946] Yeah, especially when they, you know, they got a chick sitting on their lap and they're like seeing chicks like this sit on dudes or laps in movies.

[1947] And it's like you're just living in the movie lifestyle.

[1948] Yeah, I can't believe it's real.

[1949] You can't believe it's real.

[1950] But do you believe there's trained agents who are like chicks in the CIA or trained to get fucked to like set people up?

[1951] I hope so.

[1952] 100%.

[1953] They've done that.

[1954] Yeah.

[1955] 100%.

[1956] They've gotten people to the point where they were undercover and they had to have sex with people, unquestionably.

[1957] But do you think they train them?

[1958] Do you think there's like a special CIA training center for hot girls to have it?

[1959] You want to apply?

[1960] Listen, if you're going to fuck this guy, you can't fuck them like an agent, okay?

[1961] You got to fuck them like you're a crazy bitch and your cock monster.

[1962] You got to learn how to study these videos.

[1963] This is a girl named Amber Lynn.

[1964] In the 80s, she was a monster.

[1965] Just a cock monster.

[1966] I know this dude that runs a charm school, right?

[1967] So he works with the federal government, like the FBI, like to teach the agents how to not get seduced by women.

[1968] Really?

[1969] Yeah.

[1970] So what you're saying in the reverse.

[1971] Yeah, it's real.

[1972] So it's probably.

[1973] Right, because it's a powerful weapon.

[1974] I mean, you can, if you really want to take down a president, you can take down anybody with sex.

[1975] Yeah, sex is so powerful to someone who can.

[1976] can't acquire it.

[1977] It's like one of the most, the sweetest nectar known.

[1978] If you can acquire it on a regular basis, it loses its power.

[1979] But it's just like getting your heroin fix every day.

[1980] You're like, and then nothing.

[1981] It's just fucking heroin.

[1982] There's a lot of functional heroin users.

[1983] There's a lot of functional sex addicts.

[1984] You know, when you're involved in that type of a crime, that's why I always laugh when I read about drug busts or something.

[1985] Because what the general public doesn't know, when you have that number, when somebody's selling 80 kilos a fucking month, guess.

[1986] what they don't make that many mistakes right for an agent to infiltrate them they have to do something different yeah like when i was locked up in the federal joint for a couple months i got to meet people who told me stories about shooting fucking blow with agents so that the agents cross the line yeah the agents got up well they have to they go to trial they go to rehab and they get there and then they don't have in their system so i'm in court yelling i got high with duncan you like that was a year ago yeah prove it you know prove it but it's a amazing, you know, that's why you, no, no, I'm going to sell a kilo or coke to a guy who doesn't do coke with me. I don't do it.

[1987] I'm a business man, really?

[1988] That's the weird fucking thing, man. That's the weird thing, man, where like the cop, the CIA agent, or whoever it is, begins to turn into the thing that they're hunting, begins to like get sucked into that.

[1989] And then they're the criminal suit.

[1990] Listen, you have to.

[1991] There's no way, look, when you go talk to attorneys, if you ever get in trouble, when you go talk to attorneys, you go talk to these dudes that are very book smart.

[1992] The attorney you want is the guy that.

[1993] that knows his way around the court system the guy who went to college with the judge who's going to cut a deal he went to school with the district attorney you follow me you got these guys that are very book smart yeah they know the fucking long litigation that goes so far it's the motherfuckers that could cut a deal to the same thing applies with cops if you're going to bust a criminal you got to become a criminal you got to think like him that's why these guys they show you all straight lace that's bullshit you got to think like him there's no way a guy yeah there's no way a guy there's no way a guy that looks like whatever's going to con you with the solemn an ounce of mushrooms.

[1994] You follow him?

[1995] He's going to have to look like fucking Charles Manson.

[1996] He's going to have to eat a couple mushrooms in front of you.

[1997] Then you'll get him an ounce.

[1998] There's no way.

[1999] It's common fucking time.

[2000] How many times have agents had to do acid in front of people just blown a fucking gas?

[2001] Tons of it.

[2002] The CIA used to do acid all that.

[2003] That's how acid got into the United States.

[2004] Local fucking county, listen, they have county sheriff undercovers.

[2005] Those are the filthiest undercovers there are.

[2006] My advice are the filthiest undercovers there are.

[2007] And once you hang somewhere and you see them come in.

[2008] See, when I was in Boulder, I worked at the puddle car wash. So they had a contract with the town.

[2009] They would all come in.

[2010] They would just go around with confiscated cars.

[2011] So if you're a cop in Boulder, if you're a cop in the Boulder Sheriff Department, you don't arrest people in Boulder.

[2012] You go to the mountains.

[2013] And the undercovers from the mountains come down to Boulder.

[2014] So you're taking, let's say I confiscate Joe Rogan's badass car.

[2015] I'm not going to drive it around Boulder.

[2016] That's dumb.

[2017] People are going to go, that's Joe Rogan's car.

[2018] No, I take that same car, and I go to fucking Colorado Springs, and I become a cop.

[2019] And that's how they do it.

[2020] They don't take your stuff and use them in the same county.

[2021] I became friends of a lot of those county guys.

[2022] Those county guys had beards.

[2023] They wreaked the booze.

[2024] They were out every night.

[2025] It's weird that they can confiscate your shit.

[2026] They confiscate your shit, though.

[2027] I watched an episode of Top Gear, the American version, where they confiscated a Corvette Z -O -6, and they turned it into a cop car.

[2028] Yeah.

[2029] It's an drug dealer You're in jail watching TV going That's my car That's your fucking car Guys it's amazing about this deficit That we have Because if they confiscate all this fucking blow And cash every year What the fuck does it go What the fuck does it go Hey are you from Grove County Dunk uh Yo Tarzan You from Grove Columbus Grove County high school Or something?

[2030] You know what that is?

[2031] In Columbus Worthington Well you know what Grove is in Columbus Grove something I just watched, Grove City.

[2032] Grove City.

[2033] Let me tell you how bad a shape Columbus, Ohio is in Grove City.

[2034] To play high school football, you got to pay $150 a semester as a fucking parent for your son to play in a public school dog.

[2035] They had to cancel the program.

[2036] The band of Grove City is one of the top five high school bands in the country.

[2037] Don't exist no more.

[2038] Don't exist, Dawn.

[2039] So you want to talk to me about sending motherfuckers to Mars and shit again?

[2040] You have to pay high school now for your kids.

[2041] And it's going to be a growing thing.

[2042] across the country because of the fucking school budgets that if your parents, if you want to play in high school sports now, by the year 2015, you're going to have to pay for your son to play high school fucking sports, my friend.

[2043] So put that in your pipe and fucking smoke it.

[2044] It's on tonight with magic.

[2045] If you go home and watch Real Sports, they did a pretty nice thing on Magic Motherfucking Johnson.

[2046] They said, that's the cover.

[2047] He went from dead man to a fucking gazillionaire.

[2048] He went from a fucking dead man to being a fucking gazillionaire, so watch Real Sports on HBO.

[2049] They always do beautiful fucking things with that shit.

[2050] Pay 150 each parent for each kid.

[2051] Kids, you know, you know, brother, in the city.

[2052] They can't afford it.

[2053] It's ridiculous when you think about how much money gets spent on other shit.

[2054] Garbage.

[2055] You know, there's $6 .8 billion is what we spend a month in Afghanistan.

[2056] 6 .8 billion.

[2057] They could...

[2058] 6 .8 billion dollars, the astrophysicist, Neil deGrasse Tyson, said that they could come up with some incredible web space telescope.

[2059] The government pulled the plug on it because they didn't have the money.

[2060] They'd have the money to discover new planets and possibly search for life or figure out what got us here or what could prevent the demise of the world.

[2061] Instead, they got all this money for Afghanistan.

[2062] Why are we still in Afghanistan anyway?

[2063] We got bin Laden.

[2064] What's the deal?

[2065] Well, if you talk to the really crazy people, they say heroin.

[2066] Heroin?

[2067] Yeah, they say heroin.

[2068] The really crazy conspiracy theory guys They say that it's all a big heroin operation.

[2069] Well, yeah, because like if you want to fund black operations, you do it with drug sales because it's untraceable.

[2070] So if the CIA wants to do completely untraceable operations, they just blow they confiscated or heroin.

[2071] Well, when we had guys on from vice, vice .com, they were just saying that essentially there's no other way it could be happening because 90 plus percent of the world's opium and heroin comes from Afghanistan.

[2072] And we're in control of that area and there's video footage of soldiers that are actually like guarding the fucking poppy fields.

[2073] It's craziness.

[2074] It's like you look at it and you go, this is bizarre shit.

[2075] How is this on television?

[2076] How is this real?

[2077] It's all the shit that people in conspiracy theory chat rooms have been saying forever.

[2078] Well, you got oxycon of them.

[2079] What's oxycon?

[2080] It's all right.

[2081] Synthetic heroin.

[2082] You got all these pills that we're losing our minds over heroin, not to mention how much of a fucking profit.

[2083] I invest $50 ,000 in a pound of heroin I could chop that motherfucker up No one I can make my profit 10 times I can walk out of there with $450 ,000 On a fucking kilo of heroin right now today If they could ever really prove That the government has always been selling heroin Please That would be insane times If you really found that out When you say the government though It's like it's not really They're all different branches and shit It's like you can't really blame the FBI If some DEA guys are selling heroin You know, you can't blame the NSA if the CIA is doing something because it's kind of, I guess they're kind of all different organizations.

[2084] But if we found out that one of them was actually long -term selling heroin, who, you know, if you watch, let's say we all seen American gangster, we all saw the movie American gangster.

[2085] How the fuck there's a black guy from Harlem.

[2086] Hey, man. I'm just talking.

[2087] You know what I'm saying.

[2088] Because you're black, you know what I'm saying.

[2089] I'm a chill because this is your shit, Joe.

[2090] If a black guy, if a black dude ends up.

[2091] You know what's funny.

[2092] It's like, it's such a proud moment in black history that you got to fight for the negativity.

[2093] No, he did that shit.

[2094] No, fuck that, Joe.

[2095] A black man did that shit.

[2096] How does a black dude from Harlem?

[2097] There's nothing.

[2098] How does a black dude from Harlem?

[2099] There's no problem.

[2100] End up in fucking Vietnam cop and heroin guys.

[2101] Yeah.

[2102] You think that date and that thing was just made open for him?

[2103] He had help.

[2104] You think that that was, no. Somebody comes up and goes, hey, fuck the guineas.

[2105] I know what to get some fucking heroin for sure.

[2106] We're going to take you to Thailand.

[2107] Thailand.

[2108] Yeah, let's go to fucking Thailand.

[2109] Not only just the Thailand into the city, but into the jungles where they fucking process it.

[2110] You got to be a white dude, a black dude, is going to go in there just like that.

[2111] That's what you're trying to tell me, and come back and go in with 200 million cash.

[2112] That's what you're trying to tell me. So he did that alone, and I'm not taking away nothing from no black dude.

[2113] I'm just saying, I'm just saying that, you know, first of all.

[2114] There's no winning this if I fight for this.

[2115] A brother wouldn't go nowhere with 200 Gs.

[2116] He got 200 Gs.

[2117] He got 200 Gs.

[2118] I got nowhere to go, though.

[2119] You know what I'm saying?

[2120] I'll sit here to this 200 million, whatever the fuck he took over.

[2121] That's a wild way to live your life, man. A lot of people don't believe that story anyway.

[2122] No, they don't?

[2123] Really?

[2124] Yeah, yeah, for real.

[2125] Like, there's people disputing it, like in Harlem.

[2126] Oh, really?

[2127] What they're saying?

[2128] They're saying Frank Lucas didn't do that, and they just say he was a chauffeur.

[2129] You know, there's people that downplay him.

[2130] Oh.

[2131] Yeah, he's a chauffeur.

[2132] He didn't do that.

[2133] It's just, you know.

[2134] There was three or two of those motherfuckers.

[2135] There was two or three of those motherfuckers.

[2136] fuckers that ran Harlem in the 50s and 60s.

[2137] And all they were were the same thing as my father.

[2138] My real father came from Cuba.

[2139] They needed a fucking face to go in there.

[2140] You know, fucking Cubans ain't going to buy from no Jew.

[2141] And the fucking guineas aren't going to, the blacks ain't going to buy from no Italians.

[2142] So they took this fucking, they took a couple black guys and they made them, they said, listen, we'll cut you 30%.

[2143] 30 % of $500 ,000 profit.

[2144] That's a lot of fucking money when you live on the fifth floor of a fucking building dog.

[2145] That's $150 ,000 a month.

[2146] you know, times three or four.

[2147] So they became pipelines to the black community.

[2148] You know, there was no, there was no genius there.

[2149] The guineas came to them.

[2150] They cut it 50 fucking times and they gave it to the brothers, and the brothers cut it.

[2151] Then they fucking sold it.

[2152] If you went to New York and you grew up, Ian, how many motherfuckers you see nodding at the light?

[2153] Listen, that's why I buy my coat from white people.

[2154] I'm not putting my shit up.

[2155] Ian Edwards comic on Twitter, you dirty bitches.

[2156] Follow him.

[2157] Follow Duncan Trusel on Twitter.

[2158] We gotta here.

[2159] T -R -U -S -S -E -L.

[2160] We've got to end this.

[2161] This has been going on for three hours.

[2162] Oh, shit.

[2163] Joe Diaz is on Twitter.

[2164] Mad Flavor.

[2165] Mad Flavor.

[2166] Mad Flavor.

[2167] Thank you to Ting.

[2168] Thanks for sponsoring this podcast.

[2169] If you go to Rogan