The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett XX
[0] Did you know that the DariVosio now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus?
[1] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life, and the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.
[2] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets.
[3] And along with the Dyeravisio channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV plus.
[4] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a Cio channel, right now.
[5] One of the concepts you write a lot about is this kind of 75 % rule.
[6] People often discuss the importance of the company you keep, whether it's their wisdom, their attitude, their positivity, their optimism, whatever, and the effect that can have on you as a human being.
[7] What have you done in your life?
[8] And also, what is the importance from what you've experienced of surrounding yourself with people that have good values that are equally ambitious, that share a sort of similarities as it relates to who you want to become.
[9] Is it important?
[10] Does it matter?
[11] I think one of the biggest mistakes I've made and I think we make as humans is we often look for divinity in humanity.
[12] You're looking for that divine person that has all the answers and that is infallible and perfect.
[13] And when you seek divinity in humanity, you're left with insecurity and anxiety because no one fulfills that divine search.
[14] And so for me, what I really had to understand is I went down that road and felt like I was let down and felt like people made me feel unworthy or unequipped was I recognized that there were four pillars of relationships.
[15] And they are care, competence, consistency and character.
[16] Every single person in your life is going to be able to give you or should be able to give you at least one of these four characteristics.
[17] Very rarely, if ever, will one person give you all four?
[18] And if you're lucky, you might have a few people in your life that give you two or three.
[19] So let's talk about each of them.
[20] Care.
[21] My mom, there is no one in the world who cares for me more than my mom.
[22] She would do anything for me. She'd be there for me. All she wants to make sure, doesn't matter what I've achieved or what I've done.
[23] If she picks up the phone to me, her first question is, have you eaten?
[24] What did you eat?
[25] Are you safe?
[26] Are you healthy?
[27] Right?
[28] Like, that's all she cares about.
[29] Now, my mom isn't the person that I go to for business advice.
[30] Or she's not the person, I'm saying hypothetically, that I go to for social media advice.
[31] That's not her competence.
[32] But she doesn't need to be.
[33] She cares for me and that's what I get from her.
[34] Now let's go to competence.
[35] If I'm thinking about starting a business, new dragon over here, right?
[36] Like you'd be a great friend to call up.
[37] You're someone who understands what it takes to get investors, scale a business, build teams, manage internationally, grow, scale, sell.
[38] Like you have that journey and you have that network, you have that career.
[39] I'd also care about you.
[40] I know, you also care about me. So I've got two out of four in you.
[41] And you've got good character.
[42] You don't have the consistency though because we don't see each other enough.
[43] So three out of four.
[44] 75%.
[45] Yeah, 75%.
[46] And so for that, for me, is that perfect example of there's competence there.
[47] And there is care there, which is wonderful.
[48] And there's character there.
[49] I believe you're someone of good character.
[50] And that's the next one, character.
[51] There are some people in our life that hold us to higher values.
[52] They help us grow with greater integrity.
[53] They help us see things beyond what we're chasing.
[54] They make us look beyond our desires and make us recognize that there's so much more to life.
[55] And those people are massively important.
[56] And those people may not be the people we see every week.
[57] They may not be the people we see every day.
[58] They may not be the people that we call up.
[59] But you need them as your compass.
[60] The people with character are your compass.
[61] And then finally, you have the people that are consistent.
[62] You have some mates that you just know are always going to pick up the phone you know that if you need to move house you've got a family emergency you know which friend you call they may not be the competent business advisor they may care about you but they don't care about you as deeply as your mom does but they are consistently always there for you and that's beautiful but the problem is when we look at our consistent friend we think well why are you not competent we look at our competent friend we think why don't you have good character we look at our character friend and say well why aren't you always there and so we're always looking for which see they don't have rather than appreciating for them for exactly what they bring to our life.
[63] You know, I met your wonderful wife.
[64] Yeah, you did.
[65] Yeah, in New York, yeah.
[66] Honestly, in a room full of hundreds and hundreds of people, if there was a light, like if she felt like a physical, like a light in the room, just her energy was just unbelievable.
[67] And it's, it's remarkable because she felt so much like you in so many ways.
[68] I'm guessing when you were talking about that third point, about character and values and showing you things in life that are beyond what you might have thought and the meaning of life.
[69] And, you know, from my own 10 -minute, you know, conversation with her, I feel like she must be in that category, right?
[70] Yeah, right?
[71] I always used to say to people, like, so people become friends with me and I hope they like me. And then I introduce them to my wife, and then I never hear from them again.
[72] So she steals all my friends.
[73] And I'm not even just saying that.
[74] Like, that's genuinely true.
[75] She has stolen every single one of my friends as soon as they meet her.
[76] So I can't introduce anyone to her anymore.
[77] But yeah, she's just, I don't know how, and it's been interesting because my wife has taught me so much more about me and life than I ever thought a partner could.
[78] And it's because as my, so my wife and I've been together since before my external career took off.
[79] And so she was with me when I had no money, no job.
[80] she introduced me to her family when I had no money no job I met her parents I met her extended family I had no career plan so I've been with her for around eight years now and far far before everything kind of took off externally and what was really really phenomenal was as my life took off externally I started to develop this need for validation from her for what I was achieving so if I'd get a big deal, I'd be like, look, look, look what I did.
[81] Like, look what I did.
[82] Like, isn't this amazing?
[83] And she wouldn't be impressed by it.
[84] And then if I did something and it, it went viral.
[85] I'd be, oh, look at this, look at this.
[86] Look at this.
[87] Look at this.
[88] Like, look at this.
[89] And she wasn't impressed by it.
[90] And then if I was on the front cover of a magazine or something, I'd be like, oh, look how cool this is.
[91] Like, look at this.
[92] And she wouldn't admire it.
[93] And for a long time, I started to think, did I marry the wrong person?
[94] And I was thinking to myself, did I, am I with the wrong person because I know plenty of people who are telling me that that cover's amazing and that video is amazing and that podcast is amazing and that person's amazing like am I like am I not worthy of respect and I realized as I reflected on that as I said earlier I was like what part of this am I accountable for and the answer was really simple my life my wife loved me for everything that came before that She loves me despite all of that.
[95] If all of that was to go away tomorrow, she'd still love me. And I was like, isn't that the most beautiful thing?
[96] Like, isn't that what we all want?
[97] Isn't that what we're truly craving?
[98] Is that we are loved beyond our appearance, our achievements, our ambitions, and our goals?
[99] And I had that, but I wasn't seeing that because I wanted to be loved for my ambitions, my achievements, my goals.
[100] And so, yes, when you talk about my wife being, a light, she's one of those people for sure because she's been my guide, my coach, my teacher without even knowing if you asked her this question, she wouldn't say that she was doing it intentionally but she's been such a great teacher and light in my life in so many ways and so I'm always just trying to, anytime she annoys me, I'm like there's a lesson in this for me and there's going to be something really profound in this for me because she's cut from a different cloth.
[101] She's remarkable.
[102] I don't even know how she's her parents, her parents are incredible and, you know, they've, they've given her a lot of love.
[103] And so I see that kind of flow through her.
[104] It's so funny, I burst out laughing then because it reminds me a lot of my girlfriend.
[105] And I've said this on this podcast a lot.
[106] And it's, I've never actually realized the kind of fundamental truth in what you said there.
[107] But whenever I talk about my girlfriend, I say she doesn't really care when I, if I'm number one in the charts or if I'm number one here or that, the reaction I get from her versus other.
[108] people like my boys is kind of a bit more mute.
[109] And I was like, maybe she just doesn't care about my, you know, my like, prefer, but you've, what you've highlighted there is, in fact, that is somebody that values something else.
[110] Yes.
[111] In you.
[112] So, but my girlfriend would be very, very happy and very, very impressed with me doing a bunch of other things that would maybe a bit more pure in their values.
[113] She would celebrate those things.
[114] It's not like she's not celebrating me. It's just, I don't get the euphoria from the like number one in the podcast chart.
[115] Yes.
[116] And it's a question of values.
[117] And in fact, as you say, that's what we should all be looking for.
[118] But society has taught me that you clap when you get big numbers on stuff or you go number one or the bank balance is big.
[119] Yeah.
[120] So that's so interesting.
[121] It's probably, I guess someone's going to draw the conclusion from that.
[122] They're going to look at their partner who's been clapping because they've got like a promotion at work.
[123] And they're going to go, you've got bad values, love.
[124] And not at all.
[125] We should, we should be supportive partners about everything that our partners do, but it is beautiful that you get an opportunity to learn about your partner's values by what they value in your own success.
[126] And that doesn't mean that, like you just said, like your girlfriend and my wife is not happy when something goes number one or does great.
[127] Of course they're happy.
[128] But there's something deeper than that that makes them happier.
[129] And I think that's really special and that's that character and that life.
[130] Did you know that the Dyer of a CEO now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus.
[131] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life, and the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.
[132] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets.
[133] And along with the Dyer of a CO channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV Plus.
[134] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a CEO channel right now.