Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[1] Want to talk to Conan?
[2] Visit team cocoa .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hi, Michael.
[5] Please meet Conan.
[6] Michael, how are you?
[7] Hello, hello.
[8] What a pleasure.
[9] It's a pleasure talking to you, Michael.
[10] It's a pleasure.
[11] This is my assistant, Sona.
[12] So excited to meet you, Sona.
[13] Hey, you too.
[14] I'm going to say this right away, Michael.
[15] I get a very good, cheerful vibe from you.
[16] You seem like a cheerful guy.
[17] I do my best to be bright and shiny.
[18] I mean, I have my moments, but, you know, it's better to be nice than anything else I always find.
[19] That's a very nice philosophy, and I agree with you.
[20] I don't think I'm bright and shiny.
[21] You're not.
[22] But I might be spiky and shiny.
[23] Yeah, there's shininess.
[24] I don't know.
[25] You catch more bees with honey.
[26] Exactly.
[27] You catch more bees.
[28] Actually, you catch a lot of bees with poison gas.
[29] No one ever mentions that.
[30] Poison gas and then throw salt on a mother.
[31] having their death spasm.
[32] No one ever says that.
[33] No. Hey, get more bees with honey.
[34] Yeah, I get to try poison gas.
[35] I took us on a wrong road.
[36] I know.
[37] I like where we're starting.
[38] I always like to start with poison and poison gas.
[39] Yeah.
[40] Michael, you read my mind.
[41] Where are you right now, Michael?
[42] I'm in Reno, Nevada.
[43] Okay.
[44] Are you at a blackjack table?
[45] Where are you specifically?
[46] I'm in my office, actually.
[47] I'm a consultant and a beverage educator.
[48] I'm a spirit educator.
[49] So I'm in my office where I take most of my Zoom calls.
[50] Oh, that's so funny, because I heard that you were a spirit guide before you got on.
[51] And I'm realizing, I swear to God, I thought you were a spirit guide.
[52] You're a spirits guide.
[53] You're a spirits educator.
[54] The S is very important.
[55] Yeah, because I'm sure there are people that come to you and say, can you help me find my, I want to talk to my great -grandfather, and you say, I can't do that, but I have a really good port for you that you might want to drink.
[56] I do a fair amount of necromancy, but not a great deal.
[57] Like, I try to limit the amount.
[58] We try and, I love, man, here's another thing.
[59] He says necromancy.
[60] I know.
[61] I love it.
[62] I love anyone who knows that word and says, I am a necromancer.
[63] It's such a menacing word that no one uses anymore.
[64] Lots of drama in that word.
[65] Michael, tell me about this.
[66] I'm interested in this.
[67] You work with spirits.
[68] What does that mean exactly?
[69] Do you help develop types of drinks, or do you mostly do you study drinks?
[70] What do you do?
[71] All of it.
[72] So my principal job is as a spirits educator is to talk and teach and get people into products, teach people new things about drinks.
[73] I do beverage design for like menus.
[74] I design bars.
[75] And then my like full -time job, I work for a bartender advocacy agency, which is like a PR firm specifically for bartenders.
[76] Okay.
[77] That's fascinating.
[78] Now why do people need, I mean, most people figure out drinking pretty much on their own.
[79] You know, don't you think most people, So most people are self -taught when it comes to alcohol.
[80] They figure out what they like to drink and then they have way too much of it and they get sick.
[81] What do you find that you're teaching people about?
[82] Sort of more of the refined aspects of certain spirits?
[83] I always say I'm the Sherpa up the mountain of alcohol, right?
[84] So my job is to get help you find your new favorite thing.
[85] Okay.
[86] And what are your favorite drinks?
[87] What drinks do you tell us what do you...
[88] What's your favorite drink that you find yourself moving towards in life?
[89] I mean, I love a pinocalada.
[90] I love rum.
[91] So, like, I like a pinia colada because they're fun.
[92] Who doesn't want a pinia calada?
[93] But I love bourbon.
[94] You know, I help host a bourbon summer camp that bartenders go to, which is its own magical thing.
[95] A bourbon summer camp.
[96] This sounds so much better than Cragut Mountain Farm, where my parents sent me, where there were peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and we had to climb the entire presidential mountain range in July.
[97] in New Hampshire and be eaten to death by mosquitoes, and no one had invented any kind of sun lotion yet.
[98] So I just burned up and became a massive pustule.
[99] What you just described is a much better camp, a rum camp.
[100] It's bourbon.
[101] Oh, bourbon.
[102] Okay, whatever.
[103] It doesn't matter.
[104] I'm going to tell you something.
[105] I have a huge fondness for rum.
[106] I really do like rum.
[107] And I like a, I like rum in kind of a fruity punch.
[108] and I'm probably not supposed to admit that but I do like a fruity, rumy drink like a rum punch, a planter's punch, if you will.
[109] Why can't you admit that?
[110] Because I also like it when it has fruit in it floating around and I like it when there's like a little plastic statue in it too that's on the top of the swissle stick.
[111] I like it to be a drink that emasculates me immediately the minute it's brought to my table.
[112] Those are my favorite drinks.
[113] Big twisty straw.
[114] I like a twisty straw.
[115] I love all that stuff.
[116] I'm a big guy with a big beard and I like a silly cup.
[117] Like that's my favorite thing is to walk around with like the most ridiculous cup I can find because I like the disarming element of that.
[118] Well, you know what also?
[119] Michael, you and I are, we are comfortable in our incredible masculinity.
[120] Right.
[121] Both of us, right?
[122] It's our milky white masculinity.
[123] I can hold, we'll speak for yourself.
[124] People think I'm pale, but in real life, right?
[125] Don't I have the skin of Desi Arnaz?
[126] No, you're pale.
[127] Very pale.
[128] Okay, thank you.
[129] Very pale.
[130] So that's cool.
[131] You like a rum drink.
[132] You know what I wish?
[133] I wish I liked bourbon because bourbon is such a cool drink.
[134] Of all the drinks, you can order at a bar if you're a guy.
[135] If I walk into a bar, or let's just say a saloon, and I walk up, okay?
[136] And I walk up and the piano stops playing immediately because this badass just walked in who's got his own talk show and podcast.
[137] I walk in and I chest up to the bar, belly up to the bar, the bartender says, what's your poison?
[138] I want to say, give me a bourbon.
[139] It just sounds cool.
[140] Yeah.
[141] But I never do.
[142] I always first say, do you have Coke zero.
[143] Oh.
[144] Not Diet Coke, but Coke zero.
[145] And if they don't, and they're like, sure you don't want to drink, drink.
[146] Then I'm in this whole world of, do you have a punch, like a sweet red punch?
[147] And can you add some rum to it?
[148] And then do you have some plastic toys?
[149] that you could put in it.
[150] Yeah, like a little umbrella and the twisty straws and a fun cup.
[151] I thought being a history buff, you would love bourbon because bourbon is America's national identity spirit.
[152] We're the only country in the world that can make it.
[153] Ooh.
[154] Is that true?
[155] Yeah.
[156] Why is that?
[157] I mean, we're the only country that's allowed to make bourbon?
[158] So Cognac is like an identity spirit for France.
[159] Like there's a region specific to Cognac.
[160] It's the same thing for bourbon.
[161] You can make it anywhere in America, but you have to make it here.
[162] And there's rules like chart American Oak and 50, or 50 %, 51 % corn, and like some other very specific rules that make it bourbon.
[163] Okay, here's what I want you to do, because I want to be a cool drinker.
[164] That's what I'm aiming for at this stage in my life.
[165] Now, some people would say you've got children still that are fairly young, and a wife maybe you should be concentrating on that or on your career.
[166] I say no. I say I want to learn at this stage in my life to be a cool drinker, and I want to devote all my energy to that.
[167] I want to learn to drink bourbon.
[168] So tell me, what's the bourbon I should order when I walk into a bar that's going to make me sound cool?
[169] Ooh, this is where I get in trouble because I work with lots of brands.
[170] But I will say this.
[171] So I think the best way to start is Maker's Mark, right?
[172] It's a nice, soft, easy bourbon.
[173] You want a weeded bourbon.
[174] Right down.
[175] That's cool.
[176] Makers Mark Bourbon.
[177] And you said what kind of reedy bourbon?
[178] A weeded bourbon.
[179] We did.
[180] What does that mean?
[181] So wheat, rye, and barley are like the...
[182] Oh, wheat.
[183] I thought you said weeded.
[184] Yeah, weed, like, like, THC bourbon?
[185] No, you don't want that.
[186] No. Is there, does that exist?
[187] Settle down, Sona.
[188] You're expecting twins in like three weeks.
[189] So, no, you can't have any weed -infused bourbon right now.
[190] Well, for after.
[191] Yeah.
[192] Your twins are going to stumble out.
[193] I love you, Mom.
[194] You're a killer mom.
[195] Oh, my God.
[196] I love that you want to be cool and you're writing down the suggestions he's giving you.
[197] That's what I do.
[198] I have a legal pad here.
[199] and I'm writing Maker's Mark, and then you like a wheated bourbon.
[200] So for people starting out with bourbon, it's a softer flavor, so it's going to be less spice in the back end.
[201] Yeah.
[202] And there's no wrong way to drink something you like.
[203] So if you want ice in it, go for it.
[204] The Coke Zero thing, maybe not.
[205] No, we're not going to do that.
[206] I'm going to exclude the Coke Zero, but let's say, okay, walk in and I just go, Makers Mark Bourbon, and what do I say?
[207] Do I say I want it?
[208] On the rocks.
[209] On the rocks.
[210] On the rocks.
[211] On the rocks.
[212] Is that what I say?
[213] Yeah.
[214] See, even when I'm saying it right now, it's not sounding cool, is it?
[215] No, you know, I have a question.
[216] Should we get him like a decanter and those, like, crystal glasses for him to keep in, like, his office?
[217] Oh!
[218] Like they did with, like, Don Draper did.
[219] You know, you know what?
[220] When we grew up watching TV, you guys might be too young for this, but they had shows like Dynasty, and just on every TV show, there was a glass decanter in any room anybody was in, no matter what their profession.
[221] I mean, it was, you know, you'd, J .R., viewing on Dallas, someone would come in for a meeting, and someone would always walk over and they would pour themselves a drink.
[222] And it could be 11 o 'clock in the morning.
[223] And their profession could be, I'm an eye surgeon.
[224] And they would still go, hmm, eye surgery, eh?
[225] Performing eye surgery on you, am I?
[226] Well, let's just see about that.
[227] And then they would pour a drink and go, hmm, we'll remove the retina.
[228] And they'd start drinking.
[229] It's a very sexy move.
[230] Like I think there's very, very few things as sexy as like standing up and pouring yourself like something from a decanter.
[231] It doesn't make anything better, but it's a power move at the bareman.
[232] Yes, and I'll say this.
[233] God, I like this guy, Michael.
[234] There's another thing I'll say is that it makes even innocuous things seem evil.
[235] You know, if you cross the room, if people came into my room, let's say Sona came into my room and she said, yeah, your wife called the lawn sprinkler is busted and it's leaking.
[236] Do you think we should get the gardener to come over and put a new lawn sprinkler in?
[237] I could cross over.
[238] Normally I'd be like, yeah, it's probably the thing to do.
[239] But instead, I can cross the room and I can go, hmm, sprinkler, eh?
[240] And I can remove the top of the glass decanter and pour myself a drink and not looking at Sonah, but looking out the window, take a little sip and go, yes, make the call.
[241] Get it done.
[242] See that it's done.
[243] And it's just like, she did the same thing.
[244] She called the guy and said, put a new sprinkler in.
[245] So it's all the same, but then I go, yes.
[246] But the aura is nothing but sexy.
[247] We'll get that lawn nice and wet.
[248] Oh, God.
[249] Oh, no, why does that sound so awful?
[250] Well, he's drunk at this point because he's had, had to walk across his office so many times.
[251] Yeah.
[252] I'm just staggering the office, crashing into things.
[253] I'm going to get, I'm going to do this.
[254] I'm going to follow your advice and I'm going to do it responsibly because I don't believe in overindulging.
[255] I do think, but I do think that's a good drink that I can have and it's a good sipping drink.
[256] And if anyone's around it, I do find myself sometimes in a situation where someone says is offering me a cocktail and I freeze because I am not an experienced drinker.
[257] I'm a guy, Sony, you know this.
[258] I'll have, I'm a wine drinker.
[259] You like your wine?
[260] But I'm not a big beer drinker and I'm not a spirits drinker.
[261] But I freeze and I want to say the right thing and it's happened so many times where I'm like, scotch and vodka.
[262] And they're like, what, mixed?
[263] What do you mean?
[264] I mean, I meant?
[265] And they're like, do you want two drinks that are separate?
[266] You know what to do.
[267] I panic.
[268] Well, I think that confidence comes from knowing what you like and also all bars are different, right?
[269] You go to some bars that have tequila and some bars that have rum and they're all kind of different.
[270] And so knowing what you like when you walk in is a big part of it.
[271] Yeah, but I think from now on my thing is going to be bourbon please.
[272] Maker's mark bourbon.
[273] I want it on the rocks.
[274] And if they go like, well, actually were tequila bra, I go, fuck you.
[275] Yeah, that's the key.
[276] Fuck you.
[277] And workers mark.
[278] Fuck you.
[279] Fuck you.
[280] Fuck you.
[281] Fuck you.
[282] And they'd be like, sir, just please leave.
[283] Oh my God.
[284] Maker's mark.
[285] Sir, this isn't even a bar.
[286] Sir, you just walked into a juicerie.
[287] We have a sigh berry and we have, fuck you.
[288] Burbitt, sir, please.
[289] Please get off the bus.
[290] Sir, get off this bus immediately.
[291] You're frightening the children.
[292] Fuck you.
[293] We are an elementary school bus.
[294] Who are bourbon?
[295] Fuck you.
[296] Man, I love this guy.
[297] Michael, you've changed my life.
[298] You've made me cool.
[299] You've given me a drink.
[300] Yeah.
[301] Is there any way I can help you?
[302] I want to help you now.
[303] Is there any way I can help you?
[304] You know, honestly, I hope that now, like, Maker's Mark will pay me, but, like, for this wonderful product placement I've done for them, but.
[305] I think they should.
[306] What's your full name, Michael?
[307] My name is Michael Moberly.
[308] Michael Moberly, and you live in Reno and you work in the spirit's business.
[309] I'm sure, look, if Maker's Mark doesn't reach out to you, first of all, they may reach out to me, and trust me, I did not ever get into the podcast business or in television for any kind of recompense.
[310] I always meant my work to be free.
[311] Anywho.
[312] We do so many ads.
[313] Please, there's no time, Sona.
[314] Okay.
[315] No, I never wanted to profit in any way.
[316] That's not what I'm about.
[317] But my point is if, please, if they do reach out to me, I'll make sure that you receive the benefits.
[318] I appreciate that.
[319] If they send me a free bottle, I'll, well, I'd keep the bottle because you probably have enough.
[320] Well, I can say if they're going to do anything, the distillery, if you can go to Kentucky, do Bardsdown see the distilleries, the history there, the buildings there, the people who work there, it's unbelievable.
[321] Like, you get to see people every step of the way and makers work as a beautiful facility.
[322] Are they all drunk as they're working?
[323] Well, so barrels are really heavy, and all this stuff is very flammable, so you can't be that drunk.
[324] But, like, after 4 o 'clock, most people are feeling their way out of the distillery.
[325] Well, you just lost anything you were going to get from Maker's Mark.
[326] I tricked you into blowing it all up.
[327] Classic Conan Switcheroo.
[328] Oh, switcheroo.
[329] Michael, it's been a delight talking to you.
[330] You're really a funny guy.
[331] Well, I appreciate that very much.
[332] That means the world.
[333] Oh, did you have a question for me, by the way?
[334] I mean I had a question you kind of answered it my main question is was to help facilitate other bartenders who if you come walking up what is your drink of choice but we decided we decided today yeah good yes and then my my one question I ask all like people when I do interviews in different capacities is what's the one fictional bar you'd like to go to and what fictional character would you like to bring to that bar wow that's a really good question what fictional bar would I want to go to So like bringing Wolverine to the Cheers Bar?
[335] There's Moes Tavern.
[336] Yeah, no, I've spent too much time at The Simpsons to want to go to Moes.
[337] Moes is a dump.
[338] I'm thinking now, oh, I know which one.
[339] I know exactly which one I want to go to.
[340] The bar in John Wick in that cool hotel.
[341] Yeah.
[342] I want to go to that bar.
[343] I watch those movies again and again with my son.
[344] We love those movies.
[345] I want to go to the bar in.
[346] the hotel that Keanu Reeves frequents where you're supposedly not allowed to kill people, but that seems to be all they do.
[347] Yes, I want to go to the Continental, which is in that really cool hotel, the Continental.
[348] Yes, I want to go there, and I want to walk into that bar, and who's going to be with me?
[349] I'm just going to say Mr. Spock from Star Trek.
[350] Oh, okay.
[351] I want to go to that bar with Mr. Spock, but I don't want him dressed as 1960s, Mr. Spock, I want him wearing dressed sort of like Keanu Reeves in like a black suit.
[352] But he's still Mr. Spock.
[353] He's just wearing a black suit.
[354] So he just looks like an elf with you.
[355] Yeah, but he's still, he's Mr. Yeah, and he's very logical, but he has some bourbon with me at that bar and we pay with one of those special tokens that they use in John Wick.
[356] And then Mr. Spock gets like a little loose and he starts talking shit, not about Captain Kirk, but about William Shatner.
[357] Oh.
[358] And sort of spilling the beans on William Shatner.
[359] And it gets all wick, we break the third wall.
[360] It gets very weird.
[361] But we're both wearing those cool John Wick suits.
[362] That's what I want to do.
[363] All right.
[364] I love that answer.
[365] Michael, you've changed my life.
[366] I am now a very heavy drinker of bourbons.
[367] And it's all your fault from here on in.
[368] I'm happy to destroy your liver, Conan O 'Brien.
[369] No, it's Conan O 'Brien needs a friend, not I'm happy to destroy your liver, Conan O 'Brien.
[370] Hey, Michael, really fun talking to you.
[371] You're a great guy, and I hope our pads crossed for real.
[372] I'd love to have a drink with you.
[373] It'd be fun.
[374] I love that.
[375] Well, thank you guys so much for the time.
[376] Can I screenshot this?
[377] Is that allowed?
[378] How about I'll give you one of these?
[379] Give me one of those?
[380] All right.
[381] Thank you so much, sir.
[382] You're a good man. Thank you very much.
[383] Take care.
[384] Thanks, Michael.
[385] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gourley.
[386] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[387] Executive produced by Adam Sack.
[388] Joanna Soloteroff and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.
[389] Music by Jimmy Vivino.
[390] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.
[391] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.
[392] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.
[393] Engineered by Will Bechton.
[394] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[395] This has been a team co -op.
[396] production in association with Stitcher.