2 Reasons Your Wife Doesn't Have Sex With (Or Respect) You

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[24] So men, why won't your wife have sex with you anymore or as much as you want?

[25] How is that for a podcast title, right?

[26] So I don't want to offend anybody, but this is real life stuff, and I know this about men, because I am one, we care about a few things, care about our wallets.

[27] We like money, they like sex, and you know what we really want beyond that?

[28] We want respect.

[29] We want our kids to respect us.

[30] We want our wife to respect us, and we want other people to respect us, and we're concerned.

[31] We want a legacy of people who respect us, and yet we continually do things that get us less money, less sex, less respect.

[32] and so I want to help you with that.

[33] So we're at a live event.

[34] Oh, by the way, welcome to the Calm Parenting Podcast.

[35] This is Kirk Martin.

[36] I'm founder, Celebrate Calm.

[37] If you need help, email our son Casey, C -A -S -E -Y at Celebrate .com, or because this is for men, you can email me personally, Kirk, K -I -R -K at Celebrate Calm .com.

[38] And we'll help you with any of this.

[39] We want to change this.

[40] So I'm in a live event.

[41] We're talking, and I was talking about how, you know how when you have a strong -willed child, He often gets very emotional.

[42] We'll oftentimes yell at your wife, do things, and he gets upset.

[43] And then we as men sometimes come in, you need to cut it out, you talk like that.

[44] You know, one more word, young man, go to your room.

[45] And then we bark a consequence that we can't keep.

[46] No food, no video games for the rest of the month for you.

[47] Right?

[48] We do all that stuff.

[49] And we end up escalating things.

[50] Well, in the course of doing that, we tend to dismiss our kids' emotions.

[51] Oh, you know, there's no need to be upset.

[52] You're just overreacting.

[53] And so I made this statement and I said, yeah, men, that's what you do to your wife when you say, oh, honey, there's no need to be upset, there's no need to be frustrated, you're just overreacting.

[54] We dismiss their emotions, and then I said, and that's why your wife won't have sex with you anymore.

[55] And I look out of the audience and dozens of women are nodding their heads.

[56] And I thought, well, that resonated.

[57] Let me get home and do a podcast on that.

[58] I want to change your home.

[59] And men, I can give you some tools.

[60] Now, some things are hard, right?

[61] Relationships are hard for men, but I can make it really easy for you, but I will tell you this stuff is harder than anything I ever did when I worked in the corporate world owning my own business.

[62] I can work 24 -7 because I love stuff that's predictable.

[63] But when I have to, when I walk into my home, my wife or kids have all kinds of emotions and they're upset and there's Legos on the floor, I can't handle that.

[64] And it just causes me to do two things.

[65] We as men do two things that really mess things up.

[66] Number one, we dismiss our wives we dismiss their emotions right your wife says something we respond with that oh honey there's no need to be upset there's no you're just overreacting and when i did that to my wife i didn't realize what i was doing until she told me one day she said you know you make me feel like i'm this tall like i'm a little child and then you want to go up to the bedroom not happening pal not happening right and what we do so here's what i want to give you the tool it's not look this stuff is not that hard.

[67] Just do this.

[68] Men, acknowledge that her emotions are legitimate.

[69] Here's a great phrase to use anytime.

[70] Honey, if I were you, I'd be frustrated too.

[71] Oh man, if that happened to me, man, I'd really be upset too.

[72] Zip, nothing else.

[73] Don't try to fix it.

[74] Don't prove your point.

[75] Don't try to use your superior logic to show her the error of her thinking.

[76] Stop doing that stuff.

[77] We do it all the time.

[78] What she wants is to know that you're on her side, that you're not trying to fix her moods, that you're not trying to change her.

[79] There's nothing to fix.

[80] She's allowed to be in a bad mood.

[81] She's allowed to be frustrated.

[82] She's allowed to be upset.

[83] The real issue is, why can't you deal with other people's emotions?

[84] Why can't you deal with things not being done the way you want to?

[85] them done.

[86] That's more about your control issues, my control issues.

[87] Look, I'm not getting on you about this.

[88] I am you.

[89] I'm made the same way.

[90] I just learned that if you change a few things and stop trying to fix and control other people's emotions and you just simply acknowledge and say, of course you're frustrated, honey.

[91] And that's it.

[92] It's liberating.

[93] I don't have to fix everything, which is good news because you can't fix it.

[94] So that's number one.

[95] number two and by the way there i know there are more women 10 times the women listening to this the men because women are going to listen to this and they're going to be like oh yeah my husband does that oh he's about to do this the next thing he's talking about too i can guarantee you and they want to send it to you they want you to listen this podcast and here's the really sad and scary thing many of the women listening to this don't know how to do it they're afraid and what does that say about our marriages?

[96] What does that say about me as a man about us as men that our wife, our bride, the woman that we fell in love with, that we had kids with, is afraid to talk to us about something that's hurting them.

[97] That is not a good thing.

[98] And if that's the case in your marriage, you, I don't know the way I want to say, you better change that.

[99] That doesn't end well.

[100] And I'll just, let me alleviate this.

[101] Well, if my wife divorced me, it'll be better than I'll have to put up with all of her stuff.

[102] the kids.

[103] Yeah.

[104] Look, I can tell you, I've worked with a million families.

[105] It doesn't work that way.

[106] There is emotional trauma that happens to your kids.

[107] Even in the, quote, best divorce, it is ugly, it is messy, and it is expensive, men, and it will cost you more than money.

[108] It will cost you your respect, and it will hurt your family for generations.

[109] So don't dismiss this.

[110] either.

[111] Your wife wants you to listen this.

[112] Why is she afraid to send this to you?

[113] Because she thinks you're going to be upset at her.

[114] Don't listen to it with some humility.

[115] Second thing that we do as husbands that hurt us.

[116] We try to manage, right?

[117] We try to control everybody's emotions when we can't even control our own.

[118] And here's what happens to your wife.

[119] She's busy all day trying to just do things with the kids and manage their emotions.

[120] And then you walk into the kitchen or the living room and she has to manage your emotions for you because you can't control your own.

[121] I am the product of a career military father who didn't know how to control himself.

[122] He used fear, intimidation, my way or the highway approach.

[123] And so that's what I learned.

[124] And my wife had to manage my emotions for me because I was incapable of doing it.

[125] I couldn't do it myself.

[126] And so watch what happens.

[127] Your wife is exhausted from just dealing with the kids.

[128] And then the man she married walks in the room and she's wondering, uh -oh, if he gets upset, then everybody's going to get upset.

[129] So she's trying to control the kids so they don't make you upset.

[130] Here's what they're saying.

[131] Kids, pick up the Legos, pick up the Legos.

[132] Honey, calm down, calm down, because we don't want Dad to be upset.

[133] Can you imagine how emotionally and physically exhausting that is to walk on eggshells around your husband and sometimes around your own kids?

[134] So the two things that we need to work on as husbands, okay?

[135] Do not dismiss her emotions and learn to control your own emotions when you walk into that living room or kitchen and you can de -escalate situations and you can take a situation that usually went out of control yelling at kids, sending them to their bedrooms, you and your wife fighting because she's too soft on the kids and she doesn't discipline them enough and you wouldn't have to yell if you didn't give in and coddle that child.

[136] You got to work on that stuff.

[137] If you can de -escalate things, your wife.

[138] will want you in every way possible.

[139] If you begin to do those two simple things, control yourself, de -escalate the situations, and just acknowledge your wife's emotions, it will change things in your home.

[140] That is your challenge.

[141] We can help you with that.

[142] A couple things.

[143] Email us, Casey at CelebrateCalm .com.

[144] Kirk at Celebrate Calm .com.

[145] We have Christmas specials that we've created.

[146] Included in there, men, are a couple things.

[147] One, we have a men's CD.

[148] It's me and my son talking to you, men talking like men to each other.

[149] Short and sweet, we tell you exactly what to do.

[150] You can do this.

[151] We also created a calm couple's marriage program.

[152] You know why?

[153] Because marriage therapy is brutally difficult.

[154] It's really expensive.

[155] It costs me thousands of dollars.

[156] It was worth it because I learned all this stuff.

[157] But you know what it felt like?

[158] It felt like my wife and the therapist against me. You know why?

[159] I'm just a regular dude.

[160] I grew up a certain way.

[161] I grew up loving sports and being mischievous and I got out in the work world and I worked my butt off and I did all these things but nobody taught me how to have relationships nobody taught me how to connect emotionally with a woman or with my child I didn't know how to do that I was basically a good guy that didn't have relationship skills but it felt like they were teeming up on me so I created this program so you can actually do it from home and work on this stuff so you're not embarrassed by it and you can do it from home and you can email me personally and I'll help you with it email us will help you get that program, all of the programs within your budget.

[162] Men, I know that if you're like me, you're frugal, you're cheap.

[163] And this is what I want you to know.

[164] Your wife, many of your wives have been asking you for these tools because we know what we're talking about.

[165] We've done this with thousands and thousands of kids and almost a million families.

[166] It will change your home.

[167] It will change your family.

[168] And you've put her off, oh, it's expensive.

[169] We don't need that.

[170] That's self -help.

[171] BS.

[172] No, it's not.

[173] It's practical tools that will change your family.

[174] And if you want to get your wife a gift this year that she really appreciates, get her this and let her know, I want to work on our relationship.

[175] Thank you for listening.

[176] And if we can help you in any way, let us know that's what we're here for.

[177] Men, you and I can do this.

[178] If I did it, you can do it.

[179] Talk to you soon.

[180] Bye -bye.