--:--
--:--
Full Transcription:
[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVeyne, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Goodbye.
[16] Cool.
[17] Cool.
[18] Cool.
[19] Check one.
[20] Check one.
[21] Is that how you doing?
[22] Yes.
[23] You just say what I say.
[24] Say check.
[25] Check.
[26] And now say one.
[27] And now say one.
[28] Oh, my God.
[29] Do you see what I did there?
[30] Hi.
[31] Welcome to my favorite murder minisode.
[32] This is the episode that is smaller than a normal episode.
[33] Hence, we, did we steal that from Doug Benson?
[34] Did he invent the idea of minisodes?
[35] I wonder.
[36] I don't know.
[37] I feel like everyone does them and has been doing them.
[38] But that would make sense.
[39] That's the first time I even thought of it.
[40] Oh, shit.
[41] Do we owe him royalties on the nothing we make out of it?
[42] We do for being high every time we record.
[43] That's true.
[44] So we'll just add it on to the tab.
[45] Okay.
[46] You guys know what this is, right?
[47] Hey, your hometown stories, you email them to us.
[48] We don't look at them.
[49] Stephen does.
[50] Stephen does all the work.
[51] All the work.
[52] And then last week, this is how smart Stephen is because I don't think we would have remembered this at all.
[53] Last week of the minisode, we said that we said to everyone, If you're an EMT or like a first responder or some shit or a nurse or a feck and whatever the shit, tell us your stories.
[54] We want your stories.
[55] Yeah.
[56] And then we forgot.
[57] And then just now Stephen was like, hey, you guys remember how you mentioned it last week?
[58] Well, I did that for you.
[59] And I was like, yes, I remember Stephen.
[60] Hand me the paper.
[61] And I was like, oh, that sounds cool.
[62] Like I just had.
[63] It was a brand new idea for you.
[64] Oh my God.
[65] We should totally do that.
[66] Oh, my God.
[67] I want to do that.
[68] Yeah.
[69] We're so smart.
[70] Now you can.
[71] And now we're going to.
[72] And now it's Stephen's segment entitled.
[73] EMT stories.
[74] Karen, you want to go first?
[75] Sure.
[76] Okay, go.
[77] Should I just read these in order?
[78] Yeah, let's read them all.
[79] There's three?
[80] You have three?
[81] I have three.
[82] Okay, man. These are good.
[83] Unless they're bad.
[84] Well, I think also it's just an interesting, it's an entree into a world.
[85] It's a different take on things.
[86] On life.
[87] My first one, the subject line is EMT stories, no murder, though.
[88] Pass.
[89] Immediately we're off brand, but we're also forging new grounds.
[90] It's a survivor story.
[91] You love those.
[92] Yeah, I mean, let's hope so.
[93] What if it's like no murder and no survivors?
[94] Right.
[95] It's just a car accident.
[96] Just straight up tragedy.
[97] We might want to go into tragedy.
[98] We've done a little bit of comedy already.
[99] Let's go.
[100] Let's have a happy face, sad face this shit.
[101] Okay, ready?
[102] Hi, my dad is a former fire chief, and he had to go through EMT training when he was first starting out.
[103] when he was this person just gets right into it no hi it's it's a high it there's no uh compliments which i have to respect and they're just like hi i have PTSD hi you go let me tell you this goddamn story you asked for it yeah okay uh when he was off duty we would gather around the family dinner table and generally and generally conversations were peppered in with uh what he had seen it was always a lesson of some sort don't drive alone on this particular road at night it's dangerous.
[104] Someone just got in a crash and their head came off.
[105] Oh, no. God, you like your pot roast.
[106] Finish your peas.
[107] Don't drive with a fake license.
[108] We told the wrong parents their daughter was dead.
[109] Fuck.
[110] That's such good advice.
[111] If you are underage and you're buying beer with a fake ID, just remember that right before the fatal car accident.
[112] Oh, my God.
[113] How angry were her parents after they find out that they're that she's fine dude can you imagine hearing that and then she walks through the door and then you're like oh my God I'm hallucinating what the that I just can't get past this it's so good this is the richness of life as a first responder yeah you have to tell two families that their daughters that night but also it's just everything is the extreme every there's not going to be it this isn't a grocer like everything's going to be the story of like a then they were hanging off a cliff grossers have it hard, man. Absolutely.
[114] Full respect to grocers.
[115] There's no cliffs in the grocery store.
[116] There's no, what's it called calls?
[117] There's no normal calls.
[118] You know what I mean?
[119] There's not like, they're all 911 calls, you mean?
[120] No, go ahead.
[121] Keep calling.
[122] Oh, yeah, that's right.
[123] We're still in this.
[124] Okay, it was probably where all my anxiety slash fascination about death came from.
[125] Yeah, I bet it was.
[126] I bet.
[127] You're right.
[128] My dad was the first and last fireman who participated in Take Your Daughter to Work Day.
[129] Oh, my God.
[130] First and last.
[131] And took me on a 24 -hour shift.
[132] That's hilarious.
[133] This must have been the 80s.
[134] 24 -hour shift for your daughter.
[135] Okay, can I just say this?
[136] My father was a San Francisco fireman, and every time we went to see him in the firehouse, you got to do a thing where he would, like, push you, hand push you up the pole so you could slide back down, basically slightly taller than the average man but we would be like dad let's go see where you sleep and he'd be like nope no no no girls allowed up there like he wouldn't and I think now in retrospect there was probably like playboy centerfolds taped up to things or yeah because it was back then I was in a stall dudes I was in a sleeping area of a firehouse once oh really and went down the full pole and it was fucking terrifying yeah wait how old are you uh 30 something that's for TV it's fine then they cleaned it up for TV yeah they took down that what was I gonna say but take your daughter to work day for 24 hours I feel like it's more like stop asking your dad for money and appreciate what he does for a living more like than show her what you do like it's look what I fucking do for you have some goddamn respect a little respect okay but respect you don't I mean you don't need to like sleep at the firehouse to get the idea anyway okay but let's stop criticizing her for one second and let her tell her dad okay uh my dad is the first and last fireman who participated in take your daughter to work day and took me on a 24 hour shift i got to put on gear ride in the engine wake up every time they did i wasn't allowed out of the truck for a few of the calls oh that's a smart call the car fire the domestic violence call where the perpetrator was still wandering around with a knife and the woman was in critical condition.
[137] I was a 14 -year -old girl alone in the fire engine and a fatal car accident, which thankfully I slept through in the engine.
[138] I did get to go inside of an apartment where a man was having a seizure and peeing himself.
[139] Yeah, that's what we do.
[140] That's the okay one for you to come.
[141] Come on in and see this guy, this grown man. It's natural.
[142] Pee himself.
[143] This is as God intended.
[144] Yeah.
[145] Needless to say, the department quickly realized some issues and banned the 24 -hour shift with kids my this is so hilarious my siblings all got to do this but had to stay in the firehouse and only got to go on easy calls and only stayed for four hours no murder here but a fun tale of how parents probably mess their kids up my kids will remember all my lessons i've learned from mfm podcast quote stay out of the forest buddy up always all the time and if you're in a cult you can call me etc thanks thanks ladies lea i love that one i do too that was so interesting Interesting.
[146] One time I was visiting my dad at the firehouse and we were sitting in the truck with like a jacket on.
[147] Like they gave us, they were giving us the whole thing.
[148] And then the bell started ringing.
[149] And my dad just like pulled me out.
[150] It was just like, get the hell out of here.
[151] Like the idea of going on a run is insane to me. Oh my God.
[152] And he doesn't have time to ask you nicely because someone's literally seconds away.
[153] If he doesn't do that.
[154] They can't mess around and be like, honey, will you come down?
[155] We need you to get out of it.
[156] Can not daddy have his jacket back?
[157] no no way no get the hell out of here little girl this is fascinating this isn't like my mom's job of property management it's a little different a little different a little different oh okay I'm gonna go ready yes this is called I survived plus EMT plus they caught the that SOB nice all right hello ladies and Stephen I just finished listening to your latest Minnesota and heard you your call for EMT stories loud and clear have I got a story for you Fuck?
[158] Yeah.
[159] One of my close friends, Ashley, is an EMT.
[160] She works in a part of Arizona that is rural so it can be pretty desolate for long distances.
[161] One day her and her partner were driving on one of these roads when a man covered in blood runs out in front of their ambulance.
[162] They stop and proceed to get out to help the man. He could barely talk and he was speaking incoherently.
[163] They realized that his throat had been slit.
[164] Suddenly another man runs into.
[165] to the road and tells them that he was this man's friend and he was taking him to the hospital.
[166] Ashley realized that they came from the other road across the medium that went in the opposite direction of the hospital.
[167] Ashley told him they needed to help his friend and told her partner to stay with the man that claimed he was a friend and detain him.
[168] She took the injured man in the ambulance and started fixing him up and asked, who did this to you?
[169] The injured man pointed at the friend.
[170] Ashley then called the police and they were out there right away and arrested the friend.
[171] I was told the two men were in fact friends or had some sort of relation.
[172] They got into a fight while driving and the one man slashed his throat.
[173] The injured man proceeded to jump out of the car and run across the road in front of the ambulance.
[174] How lucky is he that there was an ambulance there.
[175] Jesus.
[176] An ambulance was driving by.
[177] That's crazy.
[178] And he's like, can you fix this?
[179] Hey, really quick.
[180] I have a little cut.
[181] I have a question about my throat.
[182] And the other guy was like, no, no, no, no, no, we're friends.
[183] Can I take it?
[184] It's like, Dahmer.
[185] Was it?
[186] He's one of the closest friend.
[187] We were just doing blood brothers.
[188] He survived in the would -be murderer was apprehended by police.
[189] Ashley and her partner won awards for their efforts.
[190] Wow.
[191] Thank you for your amazing podcast and say sexy, don't get murdered.
[192] Samantha.
[193] Thanks, Samantha.
[194] So they got the golden ambulance that year?
[195] Is it a full -size golden ambulance?
[196] They got a ride.
[197] And then you have to give it back.
[198] It's like a Mary Kay, a pink Mary Kay.
[199] Cadillac.
[200] It costs a lot in gas, but it's worth it.
[201] The Golden Ambulance.
[202] All right.
[203] This one doesn't have a subject line.
[204] Oh.
[205] It says, Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and Kitty Cats.
[206] I couldn't help but write in after the most recent minisode where you chatted about EMTs.
[207] My dad retired two years ago after 34 years working as a fire lieutenant and EMT, aka General Badass.
[208] I always thought it was, normal as a kid to have CPR dummies and books full of pictures of compound fractures lying around the house okay sorry did you have this yes my mom had a book she was studying for some thing i can't maybe she had to like renew something i can't remember what it was but it was this yellow book and she was a nurse yes my mom was an rn um for some reason she had this yellow book and it was all it was like a teaching book you know or whatever she whatever class she was taking whatever but it had these really gnarly anime like a cartoon examples of things and i remember flipping through it and then just landing and it was a guy that had just been in a car accident and that's exactly it was like a cartoon version of somebody with all these things wrong on him that like i think it was like so it's like this is what happens to the arm when it breaks this way or whatever but it was so intense and like over the top it almost looked like an artist for like mad magazine had drawn a guy yeah that's impossible that would never have it looks impossible right it's crazy it was so I wonder if this is the book she's talking about because it was like being a kid and just being like watch it be frozen into my mind of like like a just bone sticking out of places between having a mom who worked at a mental institution and dad who was a fireman living in fucking petaluma like northern California where all the murders happened that's right I'm so like surprised you're alive oh normal yeah same well I kind of am not though well I feel like yeah but you're no you're not you can say it I didn't have any of those things and I think we're the same kind of crazy yeah that you're not like crazier than you should be as living in LA and being well I think there's something very strangely grounding about it and maybe that's the the murderino element for me is it's that thing of like I want to see it totally just tell me what it is tell me what it looks like for a guy to get in a car accident and have his bone break through his arm's skin.
[209] I might as well learn it now.
[210] Because I know what happens.
[211] It's going to happen.
[212] I might see it.
[213] Let's just get ready.
[214] We've had so many.
[215] I had two ex -boyfriends die in violent car accidents.
[216] That's crazy.
[217] And one best friend.
[218] Like there's no reason I shouldn't be interested in this.
[219] It's just like, here's what fucking happens.
[220] Here's what happens.
[221] Like drink a drive.
[222] There's no looking away.
[223] Yeah.
[224] Yes.
[225] And that kind of loss, I think it's like what else would be as interesting when you, it's like, like, you've seen the worst of the worst.
[226] So you're not going to be like, oh, I love dolphins.
[227] Everyone's fine all the time.
[228] Yes.
[229] Everyone's going to be great.
[230] Everything's great.
[231] Not going to lose.
[232] I'm not going to lose everything at any moment.
[233] Repeatedly.
[234] Repeatedly.
[235] No, no, no, no. I'm not trying to take away.
[236] I'm not trying to want up you on shit.
[237] It's just like, no wonder we're fucked up.
[238] Exactly.
[239] No wonder I agree with you.
[240] Yeah.
[241] Yeah.
[242] There's a reason.
[243] It comes from somewhere.
[244] Sorry.
[245] Um, no, no. Okay, so books full of pictures of compound factors lying around the house.
[246] And then in parentheses, I guess it's not.
[247] My dad hadn't told me a lot about the worst stuff he had seen, mostly because to him, it's just doing his job.
[248] Uh, there are a few rad stories that I do remember, however, they're not really spooky, but pretty cool nonetheless.
[249] One time I was, when I was about six or seven, we were driving home from a family vacation on an otherwise nondescript and empty roadway.
[250] Bad news.
[251] What a start.
[252] Suddenly, my dad pulled the car over and ran to a minivan that had flipped and rolled in a ditch on the side of the road.
[253] Luckily, my dad always had his medic kit in our car, so he immediately started to provide care while my mom called 911.
[254] I believe that the woman who was driving the car had been knocked unconscious and her kids were trapped in the back seat in the back of the car in their seats and car seats.
[255] My dad was able to get them stabilized and the first responders took over from there.
[256] I remember having to go in the trunk of the car to get him a change of.
[257] clothes because he was literally covered in blood.
[258] I don't know whatever happened to that family, but I'm glad my dad was able to help them.
[259] Also, there have been multiple times where we've been eating at a restaurant, minding our business, and someone starts choking.
[260] My dad always rush, calmly rushes over and literally saves their life before I'm able to finish my baked potato.
[261] Can you imagine having a dad that he's that much of a hero and caretaker?
[262] Yeah.
[263] Yeah.
[264] Jesus.
[265] I can't imagine that.
[266] my dad's good my dad helped me put my air conditioning unit in my window marty i bet marty could do it um my mom it was like the legendary story so my mom worked in santa rosa and she would drive up the one -on -one to go to work and this she uh for whatever she was doing this when she was wearing her nurse's whites and she saw a car accident like she came upon a car accident as it just happened and there was a guy his car was like smoking and all fucked up and he was just sitting in the driver's seat so my mom walked up um to the driver's side and she was like hi my name's pat kilgareff i'm a nurse i just um you've just been in an accident do you know your name and she's doing like the standard stuff he's like yeah no i think i'm fine actually it was it was bad um because i guess the truck rolled or something i was like but they were normal up and like he was just sitting there and he goes and she goes okay do you feel like anything might be broken you know she's asking about that's question and he goes you're my mom and and i'm the guy and he goes um i mean i don't know i can i guess my head hurts a little bit and he turns like this no no no he's got yep um kind of like a unicorn he's got a piece of glass sticking out of his forehead so as he turns he's like yeah i don't i think i'm okay and my mom's like uh -huh okay well she was like just sit back and uh you know the ambulance is coming and um don't look in the mirror yeah Exactly.
[267] She said she had to not break or make any, like she just had to act like they were still chatting the way they already were.
[268] So then she turned, this is a true story.
[269] She turns around to walk back to her car and she's got blood because she was like leaning on his side of the car.
[270] So there's blood now on the front of her nurse's whites.
[271] The woman who drove carpool with our family at our grammar school and Lily is driving up the freeway and now sees my mom walking away from a car accident with blood all over the front of her and thinks my mom is wandering.
[272] and Anne Lilly was also a nurse.
[273] Oh, no. Thanks my mom is like wandering with a head injury out of that.
[274] So she pulls away.
[275] Oh my God.
[276] It was crazy.
[277] Comedy of errors.
[278] Is that what they call it?
[279] We're still, yes.
[280] We're still in the middle of this.
[281] We just can't get through this.
[282] I can't stop.
[283] Listen, it's personal, it's close to home.
[284] Hijacking everyone's other.
[285] It's about me. Okay.
[286] The fact that my dad worked in his field for so long seems crazy, but honestly, I don't think he could imagine.
[287] and doing anything else.
[288] He's a natural caretaker, and I'm so proud to know that over his career, he has saved hundreds of lives and also rocked a badass mustache.
[289] Same with my dad.
[290] Yeah, you did.
[291] And same with Stephen.
[292] Thank you guys for taking a minute to recognize the efforts of EMTs.
[293] Their jobs are not the easiest, but they are certainly necessary.
[294] Stay sexy and learn CPR, Jenna Kate.
[295] Do you know it?
[296] You best know it.
[297] I took a CPR class.
[298] I never did it.
[299] I'm embarrassed.
[300] It's actually very fun.
[301] They make it really fun.
[302] I know I need to.
[303] Yeah.
[304] It's not that hard or like involved.
[305] It's just basically learning.
[306] A lot of the stuff they talk about is like these days, you don't have to do a lot of CPR yourself because almost everywhere you go and then you start noticing it, there's those things that are everywhere.
[307] Yeah, the sign, the how -toes.
[308] The, well, there's like a little thing that when you pull it, there's like an electrical.
[309] Oh.
[310] I think they're like, oftentimes you see them like the next time I saw one was at an airport.
[311] Oh, I'm going to notice.
[312] But it's like.
[313] a thing where you can basically go, you know, when they go clear and you, they have these things sitting around where you can do that for people if they've just had a heart attack.
[314] Holy fuck, don't do that to me. Okay.
[315] Let's try it.
[316] Even if you had heart attack?
[317] Yeah, go ahead.
[318] Okay.
[319] Because you might need it.
[320] You know what, do it.
[321] Okay.
[322] Even if you didn't have a heart attack?
[323] I changed my mind.
[324] Yeah.
[325] Okay.
[326] Just do just do when I'm sleeping.
[327] Great.
[328] Just for fun.
[329] And just see what you, like, did you dream anything different?
[330] Did I like, no to wake up and punch you or did I like freak out?
[331] Like, how do I react?
[332] Right.
[333] Exactly.
[334] Or did it Just like solve your allergies.
[335] Oh, my God.
[336] And then everything's fine.
[337] Everything's fine.
[338] Hey, this is exciting.
[339] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[340] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[341] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[342] Who killed Saz?
[343] And were they really after Charles?
[344] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[345] This season, murder hits close to home.
[346] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[347] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their kids.
[348] her podcast into a major movie.
[349] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[350] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll?
[351] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[352] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[353] Goodbye.
[354] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[355] Absolutely.
[356] And when you say vintage, Did you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?
[357] Exactly.
[358] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.
[359] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?
[360] That's right.
[361] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in -store, on social media, and beyond.
[362] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[363] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in -person.
[364] So give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[365] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[366] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.
[367] Connect with customers in line and online.
[368] Do retail right with Shopify.
[369] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.
[370] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.
[371] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next.
[372] level today.
[373] That's shopify .com slash murder.
[374] Goodbye.
[375] Um, okay, this one's called first responders favorite murder.
[376] Steven.
[377] I know this is long, but I promise it's a great story, he said.
[378] What the, she?
[379] This is Mitch.
[380] I was right.
[381] All right.
[382] Hey, Karen.
[383] It really said, Stephen.
[384] It really said Stephen.
[385] Hey, Karen and Georgia.
[386] I love your show and other obligatory pleasantries.
[387] As an EMT of five years, there's something therapeutic in having open conversations about the horrific things that happen every day.
[388] We aren't normally encouraged to spill the gory beans, and I got so excited when you guys started talking about EMTs and other first responders.
[389] You were absolutely right when you said that PTSD is abundant in the field, but believe it or not, it's not really talked about at all.
[390] We've only recently discovered just how big of a problem it is.
[391] I only worked for a little over four years and have been out for six, but I still have the lasting psychological effects, such as nightmares, anxiety, and occasional bounce of agoraphobia.
[392] Wow.
[393] If you're listening to this letter and you're an EMT who is struggling with such issues, I want to tell you that therapy is monumentally helpful and there's no shame in talking to somebody about it.
[394] Just do it.
[395] You'll feel better.
[396] Nice.
[397] And then it says, anywho, murder.
[398] I love it.
[399] Well done.
[400] That was great.
[401] Let's get to the murder.
[402] On this particular night, my partner and I worked the third shift.
[403] We were to get off work at 4 a .m. and it was just before 3.
[404] So we were right.
[405] right in that window of please don't let us get a call because it would almost assure us that we'd get off late.
[406] And we were already, we'd already been working for 13 hours.
[407] Holy shit.
[408] I was ready to go home.
[409] But it was not to be.
[410] We received a call for an unknown problem.
[411] When we arrived at the poorly lit apartment complex.
[412] Sorry, can I just say?
[413] What?
[414] Can you imagine where your job is like, go be the first person to show up at the unknown problem.
[415] Go see what's happening.
[416] Yeah, we're not sure.
[417] You find out and tell us.
[418] Yeah.
[419] That would just be like, no, I hadn't even thought about that.
[420] It's crazy.
[421] And you're like, we have a basic address and that's it.
[422] Yeah.
[423] And we don't know what.
[424] Go see what.
[425] Tell us what you find.
[426] Good luck.
[427] Good luck.
[428] Good luck.
[429] And save people's lives.
[430] Yes.
[431] Yeah, keep your cool, no matter what, no matter how many weird pinatas are hanging from the ceiling.
[432] Or glass is sticking out of people's foreheads.
[433] Jesus.
[434] I love that story.
[435] Okay.
[436] When we arrived at the poorly lit apartment complex, there was a police officer in the distance casually waving us in with his flashlight.
[437] He looked like he was directing traffic.
[438] That's how excited he was.
[439] Definitely bullshit, I thought.
[440] So we parked on the street just outside the parking lot and get out of the rig pretty slowly.
[441] A light rain had just started to fall.
[442] If you want to see somebody who is un -enthused, that's the word, send a pair of EMTs out in the rain at 4 a .m. So don't, you guys don't get murdered at 4 a .m. on a rainy night.
[443] I mean, they just won't care.
[444] Or choke.
[445] Or choke.
[446] So we stroll in this parking lot to find another officer.
[447] He doesn't look amused either.
[448] An officer who looks amused.
[449] That would be a bummer.
[450] Yeah.
[451] When we ask him what's up, he proceeds to be his flashlight between two parked cars.
[452] There is an extremely bloody man. His lower body is under one of the cars and his upper body is exposed.
[453] He isn't moving.
[454] Of course, we get total what the fuck face.
[455] And as we're about to ask the officer as much, he says, you've also got one between these two cars and one between these two cars as he points them out what there are three very bloody very dead looking guys what yeah i don't know wait is this the beginning of the movie seven what is that uh it's something totally different though it's like what's the theme of that one cars it's the cars the movie cars and seven mash up so it's an animated seven yes great someone make that for me uh Now I'm awake.
[456] My adrenaline is up and my eyes have adjusted to the shitty lighting in the parking lot and I'm getting the whole picture.
[457] God, adrenaline, man. There are three men who have been stabbed, each of them between parked cars.
[458] The cars themselves are covered in blood.
[459] It looks like a scene out of a low rent horror movie.
[460] It's my partner and I, the local fire station had yet to arrive.
[461] My partner looks at me wide -eyed and says, just pick one.
[462] And off we go, like the world's worst relay race.
[463] Oh, no. Oh, honey.
[464] Each victim was stabbed at least ten times in the chest and abdomen.
[465] At this point, we're just triaging.
[466] Triagging.
[467] Triaguing.
[468] Thank you.
[469] Dead or alive.
[470] I expected dead, but all of them were alive and talking.
[471] What?
[472] My partner is all over the radio, calling in whatever help we could get, and we're basically patching holes.
[473] Okay.
[474] Okay.
[475] I need to know so much about what the fuck is going on.
[476] I do too.
[477] Long story short, here we go.
[478] Other trucks arrived and we're just swapping empty stretchers for ones with patients.
[479] We had every patient off the scene alive and on the way to the hospital less than eight minutes from our arrival.
[480] Wow.
[481] Get off early.
[482] Hey.
[483] We actually received written commendations.
[484] Comendations?
[485] For help.
[486] It's one below a golden ambulance.
[487] It's a pat on the back.
[488] The golden pat on the back.
[489] For how quickly we acted and my partner's awesomely cool head under pressure.
[490] If it sounds like I'm bragging, it's because I totally am.
[491] Thanks.
[492] Unfortunately, one guy died in the hospital and one died in the ER.
[493] One did make it to the OR where they discovered that part of his heart was actually severed from the rest.
[494] What?
[495] I don't know how he was alive and talking to me. He also died.
[496] Sorry, I don't know how to end the story in a way that doesn't, that wasn't a super down note.
[497] Well, I mean, we relate.
[498] But here's the problem I see in this letter.
[499] We never really found out what happened.
[500] No. Oh.
[501] How in between, like, did they wait?
[502] In between three men in between three cars.
[503] Did they wait there?
[504] Did they run away up, away?
[505] But the cars were bloody.
[506] So they all fell at that same spot?
[507] But in between, so did they see each other?
[508] Did they stab each other?
[509] Did three people stab each did everyone get their own attacker yeah was it one because i immediately pictured one attacker yeah yeah but like why would the third guy just wait where he was if he saw his two buddies it says never again did we roll our eyes at an unknown call stay sexy don't get stabbed Mitch from charlotte north carolina Mitch Mitch Mitch Mitch Mitch Mitch Mitch I mean that was good yeah and that's it's that thing of like that's the uh that's what that job is is like you go in for the worst part and then that's it like you don't yeah that's like you'd want to know you go in for you don't get explanations you just have to go take care of business when everyone's been stabbed 10 times you can't just be like hey nurse remember that time i brought in three guys who got and stabbed and one of his his heart was can we only do hometown EMTs or first responders from now on i mean i wouldn't mind it that just made me think of so i already said this but Dave's Wire, who is our family friend, um, started as an EMT now he's a San Francisco fireman, but he, we were to wedding once and he was on one side of my sister and I. And then Jeff Newberger, who was our neighbor growing up, who also was an EMT, but he was an EMT in like somewhere fancy in Marin County.
[510] And they were swapping, um, EMT stories.
[511] And Dave told a horrible story of somebody that tried to run across the freeway that ended very poorly.
[512] And he was like he, it was, it was, it was, of course I was like, uh -huh, tell me whatever.
[513] My sister's like, what's wrong with you?
[514] No, I want to, I want to be sitting there.
[515] Right.
[516] But then Jeff, he finishes that story.
[517] Then Jeff goes, yeah, I'm in Marin County.
[518] So, like, we just got like, you know, we get called when people have hurt feelings.
[519] Oh my God.
[520] Depending on where you live.
[521] Yeah.
[522] It's like, it's an okay, you know, it's like stressful.
[523] I mean, I just can't imagine.
[524] Send us more.
[525] By you, I mean, the podcast.
[526] course.
[527] I'll say it on the podcast.
[528] Um, because I'm a monster.
[529] Uh, send us more first responder stories.
[530] Yeah, those are great.
[531] Put that put, yeah, put first responder or EMT story in the subject.
[532] And Stephen will then know to remind us that we do this.
[533] And thanks for writing those in.
[534] Stay sexy.
[535] Don't get murdered.
[536] Bye.
[537] Bye.