#1279 - Jessimae Peluso

[0] Last chance for romance here.

[1] Otherwise, we're just going to film and then put it up.

[2] Is it live?

[3] Really?

[4] I centered my chi.

[5] I centered my chi.

[6] You made it happen.

[7] We've been having problems with our trycaster, but he doesn't want to try.

[8] It's like, not today.

[9] Every third show.

[10] I'm tired.

[11] It won't go live.

[12] I centered the chi though.

[13] I sent the energy.

[14] Dude, you made it happen.

[15] This is a rare wake and bake day.

[16] I don't do this.

[17] You don't?

[18] No, no. I get shit done first, usually.

[19] Can you not get shit done?

[20] when you wake and bake?

[21] I kind of fuck off things if I get, if I get high at 9 o 'clock of the morning, I'm like, ah, what's important really?

[22] I get stuff done.

[23] Really?

[24] Yeah.

[25] I have like, you know, I'll do like my cup of coffee in a joint and I'll get some stuff done.

[26] I joke that it's like, makes me super motivated to do not a goddamn thing, but I get stuff done.

[27] I mean, all the stuff I get done is I like vacuum seven times.

[28] I clean my apartment like four times the other day.

[29] That's a meth thing.

[30] You sure someone's not slipping?

[31] I mean, come on, let's not put all the rumors out there now, but you got any bro?

[32] Eddie Bravo used to say that about girls.

[33] Like, he would, if he was dating, because Eddie used to work at a strip club, and he dated a lot of the gals that were performers there.

[34] And he said, you really know when a girl's a meth head, because you go over a house and it's always clean.

[35] It's always clean and they can never clean enough.

[36] Maybe I'm a meth head or just a Virgo.

[37] Apparently it's speed freaks, not meth head.

[38] I'm sorry, speed freaks.

[39] When people are on speed.

[40] Maybe coffee is the thing that does that to me, and then I just get focused from the weed.

[41] There's not one ounce of dog hair in my house.

[42] Really?

[43] Keep that shit fresh.

[44] That's crazy.

[45] You have like 50 dogs.

[46] You're a crazy dog lady.

[47] I do.

[48] I have three dogs.

[49] Wait, don't you have like a pack of chicken in your backyard?

[50] Dude, I used to.

[51] What happened to them?

[52] Coyotes got them all.

[53] I thought you were up with the bow and arrow.

[54] No, we had an issue where our chicken coop burnt to the ground.

[55] Oh, fuck.

[56] During those fires?

[57] You lost your ladies?

[58] No, we didn't.

[59] They managed to fly out and they were in the yard.

[60] We lost two of them because they wouldn't.

[61] We couldn't round them up to get them into the chicken pen because we got a new chicken pen, but it wasn't as big.

[62] And then they were too good for it.

[63] Coyotes ate those two.

[64] And then they realized that they're all in this one pen.

[65] And one day when we were gone, they opened it up and got in and killed all nine of them.

[66] How they opened them up?

[67] They pulled it apart with their teeth.

[68] Yeah, dogs are, listen, even domestic ones.

[69] Domestic dogs, but they're smart.

[70] The difference between a coyote and a domestic dog is like the difference between a hardened, criminal on death row and a baby no you're 100 % right it's the experience and what you had to do to survive it's all they have done is survive yeah and murder they don't have a house no one's feeding them food i mean they're fucking little wolves yeah and and it's like literally doggy dog world out there yeah what was the gentleman dan um coyote america the the author god damn it was he like a dude to lived amongst the wolves yes dan floris no he's a wildlife biologist and a historian, and he was talking about the history of coyotes and wolves in North America.

[71] Apparently all wild dog species came from North America, even like jackals and shit like that.

[72] Like they made it across over there somehow, like during the Pangaeus period or something.

[73] What'd you call me?

[74] Pangia.

[75] Do you know what that is?

[76] It's an era.

[77] No, yeah.

[78] It's well, when they think that all of the continents were connected together.

[79] Oh yeah.

[80] We were one, We were one flat earth then.

[81] It was one flat table.

[82] I think it was flat.

[83] No, no, it's obviously not.

[84] A giant chunk and then the rest was water and then it spread out, which is fucking weird.

[85] That is weird.

[86] How did that, and like, also is that happening on our insides?

[87] It's obviously on a cellular level.

[88] Everything's just splitting and being torn the fuck apart.

[89] There it is.

[90] Here's the modern pangea map.

[91] This is modern?

[92] Well, I think it's the modern country separations and all that because they weren't what it looked like.

[93] If you brought up, I thought this is, there's more out there.

[94] I was going to say, is that South America?

[95] What is that?

[96] I thought there was some knuckleheads that thought that, is that really all of the continents together?

[97] Whoa.

[98] It shows you how much goddamn water there is.

[99] So much water.

[100] That's a mind fuck.

[101] Yeah.

[102] Because you really like to think that we're all dirt and not as much water.

[103] It's so much water.

[104] It's like a little speck in a huge ass ocean.

[105] That's what's really crazy.

[106] It was those ground dwelling motherfuckers that figured out how to sock all the fish out of that water.

[107] I know.

[108] It's crazy.

[109] Just to be able to get those suckers out, sometimes they're bare hands.

[110] And then they were like, yo, we need a smaller situation.

[111] I think until they came up with nets and stuff like that, I don't think they were real effective.

[112] I think they just got what they got and they ate that, but the populations were fine.

[113] But in the last whatever, 150 years they've been using nets, they just jacked that whole ocean.

[114] What do you think happened to the dude who figured out like the hook?

[115] He probably got all the pussy in town.

[116] The dude who like hooked the fish.

[117] He was getting all those fishies.

[118] He was getting the ones that were way deep.

[119] The kind of pussy that you would get back when you invented a hook, you don't want it.

[120] But now, in your modern mind, you don't, but back then, you're like, yo, this is fresh.

[121] Fresh?

[122] It only smells like must and dead rat.

[123] Did you become African American?

[124] Something's happening to you.

[125] It's waking bacon.

[126] Waking bacon.

[127] It takes into another level, for sure.

[128] Yeah, I get back to my roots.

[129] Let's guess.

[130] How long ago do you think they invented the fish hark?

[131] Did they even know?

[132] I'm going to say it's a really old invention.

[133] Super old.

[134] It's like arrowhead time period.

[135] Yeah, exactly.

[136] Native, pre -Native Americans.

[137] Those bitches would just break.

[138] If you think about a big fish hooking like a little thin, what would they make it out of bone probably?

[139] Must be bone.

[140] Maybe bone.

[141] Stone would be too heavy.

[142] a show which is sinking Well, it would also break Yeah, it wouldn't be able to hook it well Yeah It must have been bone I bet it was bone Yeah But bones get brittle Especially after like You know, they're off the body And they start to Calcify and all that How old do you think it is It's got to be really old Juniper wood it says Juniper wood was the first one Oh wow 22, 23 ,000 years ago Wood?

[143] Jesus Christ There it is Norwegians Yeah, those Vikings The oldest fish They were made from sea snail shells.

[144] Oh, that's pretty crazy.

[145] There's a bunch of information I'll put together.

[146] In Okinawa Island dated between 22 ,380 and 22 ,0770.

[147] Isn't that crazy that they get it that close?

[148] They're basically in an inner, you know, gover take, 80, 90 years, 100 years.

[149] I know how can they even, it's like the, is it carbon dating?

[150] I mean, that's the only thing I remember from high school.

[151] How do you even, how do you date it back?

[152] Do they find, is it like a forensic thing where they grab a fly and they're like, yeah, this was six years ago, because of the juices on the wings.

[153] I think it's, there's like a bunch of factors.

[154] Like, one of them is the dirt that's around where they find it.

[155] Like, if they find it on the ground, then it's covered with dirt over hundreds and hundreds of years.

[156] They could take some of that dirt and...

[157] Test it?

[158] Yeah, they can test it.

[159] They're trying to test, I think...

[160] Whoa.

[161] That's crazy.

[162] I want those as earrings.

[163] Is that a fish hook?

[164] Yeah, I clicked the...

[165] That's out of the shelves.

[166] Yo, those are fresh.

[167] Those are really nice.

[168] I would rock those.

[169] Would you?

[170] Yeah, at the comedy store.

[171] Oldest fish hook found in Okinawa.

[172] Wow, 23 ,000 years ago.

[173] That's crazy.

[174] And so they're saying that the oldest fish hook is linked to the Norwegians.

[175] I would think Japanese.

[176] This is Okinawa.

[177] Yeah.

[178] Norwegian thing was saying that.

[179] And up until the 1950s, they were still using wood.

[180] Oh, I see.

[181] I think it was just like an added fact.

[182] Yeah, Japanese makes sense.

[183] I wonder if they all figured it out at the same time, different spots in the world.

[184] You know, I'm wonder if it's one of those things like, you know, like they, there's just some weird thing.

[185] Who is that?

[186] Is that Rupert Sheldra?

[187] It's the morphic residence theory.

[188] He's got this weird theory that I think the idea is that if some, a rat learns a maze on the East Coast, rats on the West Coast will learn that maze quicker.

[189] How?

[190] Like a, like a...

[191] They don't know.

[192] Collective consciousness amongst the rats?

[193] As weird as it sounds, there might be some sort of strange connection that all rats share and not just all rats, but all living beings.

[194] His argument was that if this is demonstrable with a rat, a maze that if they did something like with human beings, if they could figure out a way to prove this, that's likely what's happening.

[195] Is it like, he brought up a bunch of different factors like inventions that are simultaneously taking place like all over the world.

[196] That's strange.

[197] Yeah, you can attribute some of that to education, right?

[198] Yeah, definitely education what's going on, like the trends that are happening in education.

[199] But like...

[200] But they also think there might be something else going on underneath the surface.

[201] Like on a different realm?

[202] Like if you learn, if we're all a species and you're on one side of the world, you learn something.

[203] The people on the other side of the world have like greater access to it in some weird way.

[204] That's really bizarre.

[205] That freaks me out.

[206] That's like matrixy shit right there.

[207] But it's also unprovable and you bring it up to a real scientist.

[208] They get upset with you.

[209] What's interesting though is the map thing, the maze thing with mice and rats.

[210] Because I think that's, see if that's been proven.

[211] I'm pretty sure it has been.

[212] What maze thing?

[213] That if you show.

[214] a maze to a rat on one side of the country they learn it quicker on the other side how I don't understand how that can even be a thing but there's another one that's really interesting but I don't know how much of this is just because they didn't observe it before but they've noticed that apes are starting to use tools like cell phones to text each other no not that yet what weren't monkeys using tools so why ones they get on top of oh no but apparently they use tools like to get um like they'll stick sticks into ant hills to get ants but they'll also use rocks to break things open weren't monkeys doing that before i would imagine apes would follow suit i think they've what they're saying is they're saying officially that they've entered into the stone age oh boy so like if we are watching if you saw a human evolve from being a person that you know what we whatever the fuck we used to look like when they first figured out fish hooks grunting to today you know there's many, many generations of change and all sorts of different shit that we learned that we are watching literally the birth of that separation between like the regular chimps that are just chilling in the forest to the chimps that are starting to figure out tools and weapons.

[215] Right.

[216] Like the first day we see a chimp make a fucking spear, like a spear, sharpen it up and stab another chimp to death.

[217] Planet of the Apes.

[218] So you're saying chimps are becoming woke?

[219] Is that what's happening?

[220] Like they're becoming enlightened and smarter?

[221] I don't think just chimps.

[222] There was one with an orangutan.

[223] It was amazing.

[224] Wow.

[225] A rangatine was spearfishing.

[226] Oh, dude, you got to see it.

[227] That's a nightmare.

[228] I mean, it's really cool, but like...

[229] It's a beautiful photo.

[230] They're just going to be walking down the highway with like a briefcase soon.

[231] I don't think it's going to be there.

[232] That's freaky, man. That freaks me out.

[233] But it is...

[234] So we're witnessing evolution.

[235] They're learning things.

[236] And this one, I think their issue was that this orangutan had watched fishermen do this.

[237] So he had apparently watched some fishermen like stand on a ledge.

[238] and stab fish so he decided to try to figure it out himself that makes sense i mean that's how all creatures essentially i mean puppies kittens they all learn it's just it's to a limit they don't get past that sort of being able to use tools do you get that picture that's wild it was bringing up video too so i thought there might have had video of it but i'm my dog opened his dog food container when i was gone damn a twist a twist one yes i don't know how he did it i got to get a camera but i i came home and that top was twisted off and his belly was like look at that picture the orangutan spear fishing I mean that's crazy if you saw that in a movie you would say that is fake that is so that looks like a still from jungle book it's amazing it's an amazing photo we should get that photo framed Jamie get a copy of that photo and let's do that that's really cool frame that fucker you should get that framed I talk about this picture all the time That is so wild.

[239] It's so fascinating.

[240] It really looks like the jungle book.

[241] You know, have you ever had your 23 and me done?

[242] I don't want to...

[243] I thought about it, but, like, how accurate is it, you know?

[244] It's like...

[245] What's with the science?

[246] You're just going to trust a piece of paper that comes back?

[247] I wanted to go to the lab and see who's doing this.

[248] Like, how do you know you're not just getting some, like, you know, general packet that they're sending back to you?

[249] How do you?

[250] Why would they do that?

[251] Because they got your money.

[252] Why would anyone get you?

[253] do anything.

[254] Why are motherfuckers throwing fits in grocery stores?

[255] People are crazy.

[256] You know when we're talking about, if you get high, you get a little bit just a little bit psychotic, like there's something something happens.

[257] Yeah.

[258] And you really do, like, entering the world of schizophrenia.

[259] Yeah.

[260] You just did it.

[261] How do I know?

[262] Science is good.

[263] How do I know?

[264] Yeah, yeah, I did it.

[265] And what did it say?

[266] All kinds of stuff.

[267] Mostly stuff I knew, that I'm mostly Italian and Irish.

[268] But they, They put Irish and English together, which I thought was interesting.

[269] I have 1 .6 % African, 57 % more Neanderthal traits than the average person.

[270] I could have told you that without even the blood work.

[271] I saw that.

[272] I saw the paperwork.

[273] I'm like, ah, my figures.

[274] I mean, I knew.

[275] You kidding me?

[276] Look at that face.

[277] Look at that head.

[278] You're definitely Neanderthal.

[279] You're like, you're a link that's missing for sure.

[280] No, it's just Italians in general.

[281] And don't be angry, my Italian people.

[282] I'm Sicilian.

[283] We're strange monkey folk.

[284] Right?

[285] That should be your next special title.

[286] When I was in Italy, we had cab drivers.

[287] The cab drivers would like stick their head out the window, stare at someone's ass.

[288] Like, look at this, a model.

[289] And they slow down and speed up.

[290] I was like, look at these fucking guys.

[291] They're smooth.

[292] But it's just, it's just, they're savage.

[293] They're like, and then I thought about it.

[294] I was like, well, of course they are.

[295] Like, they used to be the Romans.

[296] Yeah.

[297] They used to be...

[298] They conquered everyone.

[299] You imagine how gross life must have been like back then with people.

[300] Gross.

[301] It's gross now, but it was really gross.

[302] Then without plumbing.

[303] And I will say, your toilet seats are the warmest I've ever sat on.

[304] Thank you very much.

[305] So compared from here to the Roman era, yeah, nasty.

[306] Yeah, what did they do?

[307] Oils.

[308] Their shit, though, went through the streets, right?

[309] Oh, yeah.

[310] That's part of the problem.

[311] That's why everybody was infected and sick, and, I mean, there's no system.

[312] They probably used mold.

[313] You know, maybe like fertilizer to pour over it, but that was it.

[314] You know what I bet it was like?

[315] It's like people who throw their cigarette butts in the ground, like, someone will clean it.

[316] Yeah, someone else will clean it.

[317] Someone will, some little, you know, some little hand will grab it.

[318] Some little poor kid.

[319] But I mean, there's no perspective.

[320] They were just in their own little.

[321] Yeah, they didn't know.

[322] They didn't know.

[323] They were living as sophisticated as anybody that ever did.

[324] Dude, can you?

[325] There's shitholes.

[326] Is that where you shadden?

[327] That's a shat hole.

[328] And you're around a bunch of other people shatting.

[329] Gross.

[330] That looks like those things.

[331] You put in your toes and you get a manic, a pedicure.

[332] That's what that little thing was like.

[333] Spread your toes apart.

[334] Yeah.

[335] Do you think that those folks had like curtains in between them when they shot?

[336] Nah.

[337] Are you kidding me?

[338] Look at that corner seat.

[339] The one upper, yeah, right there.

[340] How about that one?

[341] Knees touching.

[342] Everybody's touching shit.

[343] Yeah, they were all, they were all just in it having a conversation talking about the latest gladiator sports.

[344] Yeah.

[345] Can you believe the tiger got them?

[346] I don't know why he sounds like that.

[347] When we were there, they were talking about the front rows.

[348] The front rows were all the rich people sat to watch the Coliseum.

[349] And that was when, if a tiger did get out, that's where they usually got to those people and killed a bunch of them.

[350] That's ironic.

[351] Just there to get a front row seat.

[352] And then nature's like, cacao, gotcha.

[353] Look at these guys.

[354] Look at that.

[355] They're all jerking each other off.

[356] Oh, my God.

[357] They're shitting in sandals.

[358] Oh, of course.

[359] They did everything in sandals.

[360] Who's the guy with a satchel all the way on the left?

[361] That's Plato.

[362] Okay.

[363] He's covering his cock.

[364] Did you get it?

[365] Okay, yeah, I get it.

[366] There's a dog shitting in the hole.

[367] Oh, I bet that's not true.

[368] I bet dogs didn't shit in the hole.

[369] Look at that.

[370] Oh, there's shit on the floor, shit on the, everything splattered.

[371] Does that really what they were like?

[372] What are these spoons for?

[373] Eating shit.

[374] Scooping the poop out of your butt?

[375] With spoons, too.

[376] In case it gets clop.

[377] Oh, probably you scoop the water out.

[378] This is a disgusting fact that I'm going to pull it up.

[379] Oh, boy.

[380] Who's this guy?

[381] Some guy with a video on disgusting things with poop.

[382] Yeah, you guys have the nicest toilet here ever.

[383] I can't imagine, I mean, what was sex like back then?

[384] Even though they were in their own era and their perspective is limited because of, you know, just where they're at, it still must have been gross.

[385] This guy had to be disgusting.

[386] They must have smelled terrible.

[387] There's no soap.

[388] There's no, no, well, they must have had soap at one point of top.

[389] It was like, you know, it just wasn't as fancy as our soaps.

[390] Yeah.

[391] There's no deodorant.

[392] No deodorant.

[393] It's just oils and water.

[394] What is going on here, Jamie?

[395] Are they holding hands?

[396] Or they're sharing that spoon thing I can't tell what the fucking spoon is What is the spoon?

[397] That guy looks like he's in a real moment Wipe with or if they pour water on it That looks like little Dickie and Cosby Here's the other thing too Why not be a little further apart boys Yeah why are they so close Hey hey fellow with the robe How about you scoot over There's a couple extra stalls You gotta share that spoon You don't want to be reaching Maybe he was all the way over Are you pouring that spoon on your butt To break things loose He was down a couple seats But homie needed a hand to hold I think what that was is they would take that spoon And they would wash their hands They'd use their hand to wash their butt That's so Barbaric man That's why I think you're not supposed to shake hands With your left hand in some cultures I think to this day Because that's your butt wiping hand Yeah So you would take the water You'd pour it in your hand If I had a guess Then you'd lather your butt hole That's disgusting I mean why not grab a leaf Those fuckers are wearing leaves Anyways as outfits Weren't they a couple A couple dudes were running around In a leaf shirt in a leaf outfit.

[398] I think the leafs is something they added to those Roman statues when people got...

[399] Mad about the peonies?

[400] They got a little weird.

[401] They got a little modest.

[402] They were modest then without any plumbing.

[403] Well, I think they just decided that dicks were bad somewhere along the line.

[404] I decided that a long time ago.

[405] All right.

[406] So they had a sponge on the end of a stick they would wipe them.

[407] Oh, this sounds great.

[408] So you shared a sponge?

[409] You would share it?

[410] I think so.

[411] No, a communal butt sponge?

[412] Oh, man. Dunkin that water.

[413] No, no, no, no. Not a communal butt sponge.

[414] Since we got these toilets that actually clean your butt with warm water when you press a button.

[415] It's the nicest.

[416] But it's also the cleanest.

[417] Like, what are we doing, smearing shit around?

[418] All you're doing is like smearing some of it off.

[419] Everywhere.

[420] On your face, on the handles.

[421] If shit came out of your nose, would you be comfortable just smearing it like that and just give it a good wipe?

[422] Are we in Rome or are we in?

[423] You know, Ventura, California.

[424] Yeah.

[425] No, I'm a very clean person.

[426] I wet nap that bunghole whenever I can all day long.

[427] Keep it crisp.

[428] Good move.

[429] Keep it crisp and clean.

[430] Do you think that you would use one of those toilet things?

[431] Hell no. You wouldn't?

[432] Absolutely not.

[433] You'd see me crapping in the woods.

[434] No, no, I mean this one, the one we have.

[435] Oh, are you kidding me?

[436] That's the most luxurious P I've ever taken in my life.

[437] Congratulations.

[438] There was like a remote control.

[439] Yeah.

[440] That's like the upper echelon of society crap right there.

[441] It's very fancy.

[442] It's not that expensive.

[443] Really?

[444] No, it's not, I mean, for what it does, it's, like, very, very valuable.

[445] At first, I was confused because there was a couple seats.

[446] What is it a Bondel?

[447] Brondel.

[448] Brondel?

[449] Yeah.

[450] Say, give them some love.

[451] I think they gave it to us for free, too.

[452] There's a remote there, too, with a bunch of settings.

[453] Brondle?

[454] Yeah.

[455] It's a very nice toilet.

[456] And that's like a model from, like, many years ago.

[457] They have it nailed, they had it nailed, like, oh, no, no, these are recent.

[458] These are ones that we bought when we got the studio.

[459] right yeah it wasn't too hot either didn't feel like someone was just sitting there you know you ever have that experience where it's like oh there's a there's a butt just here right there's a pleasure that you don't want to feel good I'd rather this the seat be uninviting and cold I don't want to stay here all the bacteria's wants it's abandoned all the crabs do you do do do you do like only crap in certain places or where you go like because on the road you travel a lot like you just got to go you got to do you do what you got to do yeah I'm not scared to take a shit in public But not even just being Joe Rogan and, like, being next to the person who's like...

[460] What are you going to do?

[461] I heard Joe Rogan.

[462] We're all just shitting.

[463] Yeah.

[464] Have you seen the bathrooms like at Venice Beach, though?

[465] Are you going in there?

[466] I had to once.

[467] Are these public toilets in Venice Beach?

[468] Oh, see, whenever you deal, then that smell of homeless.

[469] Yeah, there's a...

[470] That's a...

[471] That's Rome.

[472] That is Rome.

[473] This is a thing where you got pissed so closed that people were wearing forever.

[474] You know, that super ripe, pungent, homeless, crazy person smell?

[475] It's the most thick smell ever.

[476] It's a weird smell because it's really similar.

[477] But it's real similar.

[478] Like, this is what, when you get, it's usually a person that's got mental illness and they piss themselves or shit themselves and they get this really deep, horrible odor to them.

[479] And then they don't even know.

[480] But it's so similar.

[481] It is similar.

[482] It's like the same smell.

[483] Like, B .O. Like really bad B .O. It's almost always the same kind of smell.

[484] It is.

[485] It is.

[486] It's a fish concert, right?

[487] Oh, Jesus.

[488] Exactly what it smells like.

[489] First of all, that's the main reason why I've never been to a fish concert.

[490] Exactly what it smells like.

[491] I would imagine.

[492] Yeah.

[493] We're just using salt rocks to clean our pits.

[494] We found out that modern industrialized deodorant is really just a plot.

[495] It's just a plot.

[496] You know what else?

[497] Like, furthermore, to your point, they really abuse the chemicals and the ingredients.

[498] So this is like cruelty -free, free.

[499] Yeah, free -free.

[500] Like nobody's, like, offended.

[501] well, they make the product.

[502] Yeah, you either get it all natural, which is like rocks.

[503] Have you ever seen those, like mineral rocks?

[504] You're supposed to rub in your armpits.

[505] They don't work for shit.

[506] They don't work at all.

[507] They just make you smell like a salty homeless person.

[508] Yeah, what is the salt in your pits work?

[509] Is that what people do?

[510] You know what works?

[511] What?

[512] If you don't have a deodorant or anything, lemon, citrus.

[513] It's a, you know, anti -bacterial natural.

[514] No shit.

[515] Yeah.

[516] That makes sense.

[517] Sprits some oregano oil on that.

[518] That's also anti -microbial natural.

[519] anticeptychic.

[520] Eucalyptus oil is too.

[521] Yeah, put some oil, some mint.

[522] Don't put the mint in your nether regions, though.

[523] That might hurt.

[524] Might hurt the kooch.

[525] I use a soap called defense soap.

[526] It's all made with natural oils.

[527] Yeah, that's the best.

[528] It's designed for grapplers, because grapplers get like skin scratches and infections and a lot of ringworm and shit.

[529] Gross.

[530] Have you had ringworm?

[531] Oh, a bunch times.

[532] What?

[533] Yeah.

[534] I've had ringworm.

[535] I've had staff twice, and I had ringworm, I think, three times.

[536] Isn't that basically when you like...

[537] More than three times, because I've had it on my feet.

[538] It's basically the same thing.

[539] You poke your finger and poop and scratch, right?

[540] That's science.

[541] You are a doctor, clearly.

[542] What the fuck is wrong with you?

[543] Isn't it ringworm like from like...

[544] It's a...

[545] Poop bacteria?

[546] I don't think so.

[547] I think ringworm is just a parasite.

[548] And it's...

[549] What happens is it gets through...

[550] I think it gets through broken skin.

[551] scratch skin and then it forms this weird ring like a like a bolzai it's like fucking gross i can't i can't deal with it like shows like the monsters that inside of me i don't want to know someone sent me a link it was josh wolf sent me a link about the the little like mites that are in your eyelashes i don't want to fucking know jesus christ i can't even handle people in their cars in the 405 i don't want to know about fucking mites in my eyelashes imagine if you could just see on the 405 as you're driving how many people have lice if there's like lights on in the cars there should be that's the future that's what we need i don't want to know your followers i want to know how many lices you have in your fucking neck is a weird one because lice is around when i was a kid but it's not around first of all i can't get it anymore thank you i know you're you're you're immune i'm lice free you're impervious to lice but when i was a kid um i was like when are they going to figure this lice thing out because apparently adults don't get it so one they're going to what the No. Well, it's hardly ever Have lost.

[552] It was the last time you had your hair check for lice?

[553] Well, I'm not hanging out napping in a kindergarten where children are riddled with it.

[554] But if I did...

[555] How are the kids getting it?

[556] Because they're rolling around going head to head talking about, you know...

[557] There's got to be patient zero.

[558] What the fuck's going on with page zero?

[559] Who's patient zero?

[560] Some little kid.

[561] It's probably some rich kid whose parents neglect him and he's had him in there for a long time.

[562] Yeah, he's got rich lice.

[563] Rice.

[564] You think that's funny.

[565] Marijuana.

[566] distorts your perceptions it really does it does it's kind of it's an amazing it's amazing medicine for your brain it's super weird when you're not high and you're watching people that are and you're yeah this seems unattractive is that what's happening right now no we're both high all three of us oh that's right jamie's high too jamie he's yeah he's very irresponsible are those oven mitts on your shirt jamie oh that makes me want like a grilled cheese sandwich i don't know why yeah what is that johnny cupcakes oh cool wouldn't it be amazing grilled cheese sandwiches were super good for you oh god it's my one thing that i just it's my food like the one thing french fries imagine french fries were the shit it's like they found out that it actually turns your age back sweet potato fries do like a trick does that work yeah because it's the fry part that's the worst if you just had the sweet potato fries bake them you're good it's not as bad i don't i think it depends on what kind of oil you cook it under but i think whenever you cook anything in hot oil there's something about the way the oil breaks down your body's like, what the fuck is this?

[567] I think it gets carcinogenic, doesn't it?

[568] I don't know, but I like when you use big words.

[569] Like when you pretend you're a doctor again.

[570] Imagine if this is your doctor.

[571] Doctor's like, hey, doc, do you think I should eat French fries?

[572] Doctors like, I think it's carcinogenic, right?

[573] You're like, goddamn this health plan.

[574] Fuck you, Obama.

[575] Fuck your singer pay care.

[576] You know what?

[577] You can't afford health care.

[578] come over my house.

[579] I'll let you know if your carcinogenic or not.

[580] There's something real gross about people that are like, oh, well, you know, get better health care.

[581] Go get better health care.

[582] Yeah, like, it's just readily available.

[583] But that's one of the grossest ones when you don't, you don't feel for fellow citizens in our community that don't have health care.

[584] I know.

[585] I've, I didn't have health care forever.

[586] I just got it a week ago.

[587] Yo, I got it a week ago and I booked all the appointments.

[588] Did you?

[589] Everything.

[590] I got the kitty cat checked.

[591] Got the teeth checked.

[592] Nice.

[593] Will you worry about the teeth?

[594] Do you ever feel, have the feeling like you have a cavity, like a phantom cavity, like shit?

[595] Yeah.

[596] Why does my tooth hurt?

[597] Do I have a fucking cavity?

[598] I definitely did.

[599] My teeth were like crevasses.

[600] Oh, did you have a bunch of cavities, man?

[601] Yeah, she filled me like four times because I haven't been because health care is ridiculous.

[602] Were you eating candy?

[603] No, I wasn't eating candy.

[604] Now you get all these holes in your face.

[605] I don't know.

[606] I think like, you know, changes in my life.

[607] Maybe I got ringworm from you.

[608] Chit, Changes.

[609] Turn and there's a change.

[610] Chit, too, changes.

[611] Yeah.

[612] Little kids get it all the time.

[613] They do.

[614] Oh, dude.

[615] Because they're rolling in dirt.

[616] I'm going to blow your way.

[617] Blow your mind away.

[618] Hookworm was super common in the South, and it literally diminishes your capacity for thinking.

[619] So, like, the idea of like the slack -jawed southern dumb person.

[620] Theo.

[621] No. I'm just kidding.

[622] Theo, I'm sorry.

[623] I didn't know she was going to do that.

[624] I would never have her on, bro.

[625] You know I love you.

[626] I love you, Theo.

[627] No, not Theo.

[628] maybe people Theo knows.

[629] His relatives.

[630] If you had to say that Theo Vaughn voice, like maybe a few people that I know.

[631] Yes.

[632] Yeah.

[633] There were all hookworm victims.

[634] So how do you get hookworm?

[635] Walking around barefoot.

[636] Oh, I mean, there's just too many opportunities to get these worms in your body.

[637] Oh, for sure.

[638] That's so gross.

[639] Like when you see dudes who go to like some foreign country and they get scratched and they come back and a bot flies glowing out of their head.

[640] And their belly flying out?

[641] a kid just died recently in India I think it was India he got a infection he was having headaches and it turns out worms from pig feces had they had made it all the way up into his brain and they were making cysts all throughout his brain oh god yeah how did he died shortly after they said it was so bad they couldn't even give him deworming medication because of they did, they were worried his brain would start bleeding and that, you know, he would suffer from a stroke.

[642] What?

[643] I am not going to sleep tonight.

[644] All this warm talk.

[645] That's terrible.

[646] Cisterosis is what it called.

[647] Pulled out of they have pictures of the dude's brain and it's just like filled with cysts.

[648] Oh, God.

[649] Why are we looking at that?

[650] Because we're high and it's like 10 in the morning.

[651] Oh, you know what I was saying before?

[652] I forgot to bring my fanny pack.

[653] You gave me one of your fanny packs and I travel with that everywhere.

[654] Thank you very much.

[655] I'm glad you enjoy it.

[656] It's the most resourceful thing ever.

[657] People think I'm joking.

[658] This is my fanny pack.

[659] I know.

[660] I can wear this for real.

[661] I have the same one and a couple people have talked some shit and I was like, you better step back.

[662] Step back.

[663] I've got my pharmacy in there.

[664] I've got my whole thing so I can be a doctor on the road.

[665] Oh, do you have a stethoscope?

[666] I got a scalpel.

[667] What's that?

[668] He complained of having pain in his groin and swelling in his eye and then they found out he had cysts all over his brain.

[669] I mean, I have pain in my groin every week, but Look at his brain On the right I'm assuming as the result Both of them It's different views They're both different views Those little holes Are all cysts inside his brain Yeah his brain is literally imploding Although those little spots Those little white spots Those are all little cysts inside his brain That must have been painful Fucking pure agony It must be pure agony And this was in India you said What country was this?

[670] Was it India?

[671] You know, fuck that.

[672] And just imagine like people having not the access to health care in this country, but at least we're a little bit modernized.

[673] Being in one of those countries and being poor, you're fucked.

[674] Yeah, you really are.

[675] You're so fucked.

[676] By swallowing microscopic eggs passed in the feces of a person who has intestinal pork tapeworm.

[677] Bye, never going to brunch again.

[678] But think about that.

[679] It's not even just pork tapeworm.

[680] It's the eggs in the shit.

[681] of a person who has the tapeworm.

[682] Did you see what the...

[683] Oh, God.

[684] Jesus Christ.

[685] Holy hell.

[686] And it's get in your mouth from shit.

[687] I'm glad I smoked a joint before this shit.

[688] I am in a pure panic attack.

[689] Don't eat ass in India unless that person is on anti -tape worm medication.

[690] Also, never eat ass again.

[691] I mean, this is a PSA for anti -ass eating.

[692] It is.

[693] I told you I had E. coli a few weeks ago.

[694] That was my life.

[695] What was saying, Jamie?

[696] There's been a change in the way that the pork industry is going to be inspections that the government's going to stop doing it apparently as of like early may and the industry is now taking over oh that'll be that's a terrible idea that's just that's exactly what you want this is one of those things where people that are all in favor of deregulating everything you need to understand this shit like this happens if these people cut corners and we know people have cut corners before maybe it's not all of them maybe most of them are going to be great people are going to die people are going to get sick they're going to get e coli they're going to get all sorts of fucked up things, 40 % and replacing them with plant employees.

[697] Oh my God.

[698] Cutting the number of federal inspectors by about 40%.

[699] That is such a bad idea.

[700] Well, it looks like America and everywhere is going to get a whole bunch of hookworms.

[701] This is like having the mafia police the streets.

[702] This is like taking away establishment.

[703] There would be no limits on slaughter line speeds.

[704] That is so gross.

[705] No one eat pork.

[706] They're just trying to make it quicker.

[707] Pork is a weird one, man. Pork is a weird one.

[708] It's too risky man it's way too risky no not even that i mean they're they're fucking smart yeah one of the weird things are they're like smart like a dog they're like a five -year -old aren't they're maybe not your kid like a five -year -old wow wow shots fired wow wow a doctor a real doctor fired right into my reproductive heart i mean you're a five -year -old would be like what do you think he'd be like stoner rude rude a good point be rude see you're probably be right i'm sure you i'm sure you to have a great five -year -old my kid would be chill you know what he wouldn't be beating up your kid but he'd be very nice you'd be surprised my parents are hippies i know that's true i do know that yeah my mom's a super hippie so it's my stepdad um but eating pig is weird because they are a very intelligent creature they're they're intel but here's the other weird part about it you got to kill them because they breed like crazy and in the wild they go nuts they're everywhere in the wild their tusks grow very fast they become very barbaric those are tusks oh my See that little tray right here?

[709] Yeah, are those pigs?

[710] They look like...

[711] That's a wild boar tusk.

[712] That's from Adam Green Tree.

[713] He killed that in Australia.

[714] They have a problem with them in Australia too.

[715] It's wild how hollow it is, but it's so strong even still.

[716] Yeah, that's a big ass hook.

[717] We should go fishing with this and see what we can catch.

[718] Fuck up a whale with that.

[719] Yeah, we would.

[720] We could definitely catch like a humpback or something with this puppy.

[721] It's a weird thing.

[722] Their teeth are shaped like these weird.

[723] swords.

[724] That is crazy.

[725] And they grow so fast.

[726] If you release a pig, those things, these things pop out in a couple months.

[727] Yeah, they start popping out.

[728] That's wild.

[729] Yeah, they start changing when they're not taken care of.

[730] It's like, it's like, remember that movie with Howie Mandel walk like a man?

[731] Do you remember that where he was like a...

[732] Kind of vaguely.

[733] He was like raised by wolves or something.

[734] That's kind of like almost the equivalent of him coming back to society is releasing a pig and it becoming wild.

[735] Not that I'm calling Howie Mandel a pig, but he's a nice person.

[736] He's the opposite of a pig.

[737] Very nice gentleman.

[738] But he's also like a super clean for you.

[739] He's not getting ringworm or hookworm.

[740] No. He's not getting any of the worms.

[741] But he might because he like washes his hands a lot.

[742] Too much?

[743] Yeah, you can do too much and you kill your skin flora.

[744] Yeah, you fuck up your fauna and flora.

[745] You get the imbalance going on here.

[746] What do you show us?

[747] Oh, walk like a man. This is Howie Mandel.

[748] He's like a dog man. Is that the idea?

[749] He was like raised by creatures in the wild.

[750] And this lady, because you know, women, especially a white lady's trying to to save him she wants to save him and and do good for him and so he's just trying to acclimate to society so strange great stoner movie by the way what year do you think this was 89 87 yeah i remember this movie man dell's been around for him he's been around and he looks younger now than he did then dudes you fucking dudes maybe it's washing your hair maybe it's a good move you washing your shaving it oh washing your hands yeah it probably is a good move His hands like crazy.

[751] Maybe that's why it's so young.

[752] We're very clean in the society.

[753] We can't handle like natural bacteria that exist in nature.

[754] It fucks us up.

[755] We're going to end up just murdering ourselves because of how clean we are.

[756] I think much more likely we're going to develop resistant strains of bacteria that are murderous.

[757] We already have those.

[758] There's a new one that they did just, did you see that thing?

[759] That flu virus that's like.

[760] That article?

[761] There's an article that just came out about some mysterious infection that's been murking people.

[762] that's because we're too clean.

[763] We should bring back the Roman toilets just to level it all out a bit.

[764] Have a couple of them sprinkled around.

[765] I don't think that's a good one.

[766] Just a couple of them.

[767] You know, like maybe one in a park.

[768] What's the difference between those in a porta potty if you like work on a construction site?

[769] I can't hold a hand in a porta potty.

[770] Do you ever go to like a music festival?

[771] Fuck no. And use one of them in the, when you shit that blue liquid.

[772] I'm not doing that.

[773] That's a low point.

[774] I'm not doing that so I can get that worm that Theo's cousins have.

[775] I'm not doing that shit.

[776] You don't do it barefoot.

[777] What festival are people at that aren't barefoot?

[778] Candida oras, the deadly fungal infection resistant to treatment.

[779] That's what it's called.

[780] That sounds bad.

[781] Orra.

[782] It sounds like a new solar system.

[783] Unstoppable fungus killing the world's banana supply.

[784] Man addicted to sniffing his socks.

[785] That's a separately.

[786] Hold on.

[787] Man addicted to sniffing his socks develops.

[788] Listen, man addicted to sniffing and socks develop severe.

[789] fungal lung infection.

[790] Oh, shit.

[791] This is...

[792] That is not real.

[793] This can't be real.

[794] This is like stoner news.

[795] Here's another link.

[796] Sox aren't sexual, says Kiwi schoolgirl.

[797] This is how you fall down a clickbait click hole real quick.

[798] Also, who's writing these, like, Gary Busey?

[799] Who's writing these headlines?

[800] How about this?

[801] How about what Tim Poole told me?

[802] Ready for this?

[803] You know those clickbait sites where you go to and it's like, you won't believe what she looks like now?

[804] And then you click on that.

[805] and then you go to another one and just like never ending click click click click click they get they gather up all these clicks like if they have a site that's responsible for like 400 ,000 unique clicks a day if they have something like that right they sell it to another company those clicks another company attaches those clicks to their site and says we get 100 ,000 unique views a day they don't so they're not real they're just bought their clicks you can buy clicks Dude, what world are we in right now?

[806] Buy in clicks.

[807] I don't have time.

[808] I don't have time.

[809] Please find out if that's true.

[810] I think it is.

[811] It sounds about, right?

[812] I know what he's saying.

[813] Tim Poole doesn't lie.

[814] He's, uh, and I know a lot of people right now are like, what?

[815] I believe it.

[816] It's the same thing as, everybody lies.

[817] People buying likes.

[818] People have done that.

[819] Or like followers.

[820] It's the same.

[821] Yeah, well, they definitely do that.

[822] Internet science.

[823] There's a way to do that.

[824] People get busted because, like, they don't have any interactions.

[825] Like, so they'll put up.

[826] something and like I put up a video and the video gets like a thousand views but they have like a million followers yeah that doesn't make sense there's no that that doesn't make any sense when the engagement doesn't match up with i watch the people all kinds of dumb shit the amount of time that i've wasted watching people's internet videos so there's uh those little instagram videos they make yeah talk about their morning the thing you posted today about the the florida headline oh my god that was something that was like the florida headline for sure that was like what you said in the caption that was legit yeah i was um i'm writing this bit about exotic pets and uh when i'm in the middle of this bit i just decided to start research in florida what what inspired you to write did something happen i'll tell you i don't want to do the bit right otherwise i'd have to says uh florida man tries to start naked fight club at chick filet a florida man was arrested after he challenged others to fight and to stare at his genitals outside of chick Filet restaurant.

[827] What did Dan Bilzerian say?

[828] People from Florida just can't act right.

[829] Trust me. I'm a good jab at himself.

[830] Points to Bill Zerian for at least to come and correct with that.

[831] That's funny.

[832] That is a ridiculous headline.

[833] It's ridiculous.

[834] Also, where can I sign up?

[835] It sounds fun.

[836] It's like Game of Thrones for meth heads.

[837] Naked Fight Club?

[838] Yeah, why not?

[839] You want to go to watch from like a neighboring parking lot with binoculars.

[840] Hell yeah.

[841] That's what you want to do.

[842] You want to tailgate that.

[843] You want to be far enough away so if they start running at you, balls out dick swinging like the Florida zombies do yeah keep your car in park engine running and then use those binoes absolutely is that you no I shut mine off I'm a professional Jamie with your oven mitt t -shirt sir gotta be video of that right if someone was out at a chick -fil -a naked there's got to be cell phone video that's a very depressing fact there has to be some video video of almost any kind of interaction like that around these days It's, people create interactions so that they can videotape them.

[844] Parents, man, they got to stop putting their kids on video.

[845] We got to stop.

[846] It's enough.

[847] You say that, but there's a little kid that's like six years old that reviews toys and he makes 20 million dollars a year.

[848] He's a multi -million dollars a year.

[849] Opening Disney toys.

[850] Just looking at toys.

[851] Someone give me a hundred bucks.

[852] I'll open up a box of, you know, toys.

[853] I'll do it.

[854] Hunter beans.

[855] That's it.

[856] Nobody wants to see you open up toys.

[857] You're not a baby.

[858] Then I'm going to find something else.

[859] They want to see little cute kids.

[860] I'll dress up in a, in a diaper.

[861] paper what has this not going to help oh fuck i gotta find another i gotta find another thing to make money you gotta find another angle yeah that kid he's making a lot of money i was gonna be the youtube toy guy there's a lady who does it with just her hands a grown woman what does she do with her hands she opens things up same thing beautiful hands i don't know if they're beautiful i don't know if they're she put her feet out and start using her feet that's what i gotta do yeah i'm gonna open children's toys of my feet is that weird no you should do it you should do it and see which one gets better do it with you with painted toenails and do it with you with kind of like neglected toenails.

[862] Neglected toenails.

[863] Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

[864] Like little chips in your paint.

[865] You know, this is the thing about that.

[866] There's nothing sadder than a neglected toenail.

[867] You say that.

[868] But it's also kind of hot because it's a kind of chick that'll take some chances.

[869] She's like, she doesn't even have her toenails in order.

[870] She'll abandon wherever she lives.

[871] She'll move with you across the country.

[872] She's crawling through parking lots?

[873] What's she doing?

[874] Enter into a bank robbing scheme with you.

[875] She's not taking care of herself.

[876] She's got chipped toenails.

[877] She puts people first.

[878] That's a bitch who puts people first.

[879] Or she just can't get it together.

[880] Some people just never quite get it together.

[881] They try.

[882] Right.

[883] Yeah.

[884] And then you see their toes and it's a reflection of their own downfalls.

[885] They're their own worst enemy.

[886] Or they have a job.

[887] Yeah, they're too busy.

[888] Too busy.

[889] Mom with a job and a couple of kids.

[890] Who's got time to do nails then unless you, you know, you're a rich wife?

[891] You got to do them yourself.

[892] You got to do them yourself.

[893] The nail thing is interesting.

[894] Why is that?

[895] Because here's why.

[896] Because it's like a service thing that people love, right?

[897] They love going and getting pedicures and manicures.

[898] The people that are into that shit, they love it.

[899] They love dunking their feet in the thing.

[900] And then they get to talk to each other.

[901] But they would never want to do that.

[902] It's one of those weird things.

[903] It's like, if you found out your mom was given strange dudes pedicures, like, that's That's our new gig.

[904] You'd be like, oh, Mom, we got to go to a therapist.

[905] What's going on?

[906] Well, we'd say, why do you have this job?

[907] Do you really want to clean people's feet?

[908] What about it brings you joy?

[909] Because if you need money, like, you might as well just slice mangoes on the side of the highway or something different.

[910] Isn't that weird?

[911] That's one where people love getting it done, but to do it, be like, well, I get my nails done regularly.

[912] I love it.

[913] It's very relaxing.

[914] But yeah, it's that weird thing where, you know, saying this, it's like, it's one of those jobs that's worked by you know non -white people for the most part which i think is interesting don't you think that's interesting as a woman who's got her nails done entry level jobs for people that are first generation immigrant that like what would happen realistically if all immigrants removed from this country everyone's nails would look like shit and your clothes would look terrible they got rid of all the illegals every everybody who barely speaks english out restaurants would fall apart restaurant there'd be no delicious food There'd be no fun music.

[915] There would be...

[916] There'd be some fun music.

[917] I mean, some, but like, let's be honest.

[918] Black does a lot of fun.

[919] The most fun music.

[920] There's a lot of fun, like, you know...

[921] Wasn't their idea, but they're American.

[922] That's true.

[923] A lot of fun Latino music.

[924] That's true.

[925] Not many, like, songs in, like, our culture, can you do one of these?

[926] And it fits, you know, especially at, like, a wedding.

[927] But, yeah, everyone would be jacked up.

[928] No good food, no nails.

[929] Do you like gypsy kings?

[930] I don't know if I know Jip...

[931] That sounds very familiar.

[932] Put it on.

[933] What are you?

[934] Is there some?

[935] You can't.

[936] It's too expensive.

[937] No, no, it's not.

[938] Well, it's yanked from YouTube.

[939] Oh, that's right.

[940] You can't put any music on.

[941] Can't put anybody's content.

[942] You know, I think I just, somebody sent me a song of Gypsy Kings recently.

[943] They've been around forever.

[944] Yeah, it sounds familiar.

[945] Badass Latino band.

[946] And what I love it is because I can't speak Spanish.

[947] So when they're singing, it's just beautiful.

[948] Yeah.

[949] Like, whatever they're saying, it just sounds great.

[950] It doesn't have any, like, I know there's emotion.

[951] I can feel the guy's emotion.

[952] he's singing but i have no idea what he's saying so i don't i don't need to hear it i just love the sound of it yeah it is very melodic oh yeah like spanish italian those like latin -based languages are very pretty to listen to there's a like a musical flow yeah you ever hear people from brazil speak portuguese i mean i flick a bean to it all the time that's shit's sexy they have a way of talking there's an up and a down it's like a little dance.

[953] Yeah, it is a little dance.

[954] And then people where I'm from, like, Syracuse, it's like, can you guys want to go get a sandwich?

[955] It's like you just don't want us to talk.

[956] You know what it is?

[957] It's actually they're trying to keep people from breeding.

[958] It's like, in the places that suck the most, they have the shittiest accents.

[959] Because they're trying to make everyone disgusting.

[960] Well, I guess I'm not supposed to have a baby then.

[961] I'm telling you, they're just trying to limit the numbers.

[962] They don't want overpopulations in places that suck.

[963] There's probably some, like, legitimacy, you know what you're saying.

[964] Dude, I'm a scientist.

[965] I'm a doctor and you're a scientist.

[966] Anybody who needs some advice, just call us at 1 -800.

[967] Good luck.

[968] There's a new documentary by the guy who wrote cocaine cowboys.

[969] He did cocaine cowboys and a bunch of other documentaries.

[970] Billy Corb.

[971] Yep.

[972] Billy Corbin.

[973] You got it.

[974] I don't.

[975] Why did I choke on his lane?

[976] Some water.

[977] Anyway, Billy has a new documentary called Screwball.

[978] Yeah.

[979] It's all about.

[980] Alex Rodriguez and the steroids scandal.

[981] And one of the guys in it is a fake doctor who would wear a stethoscope around his neck.

[982] Like, he got his degree in some janky overseas university and wasn't legal to practice medicine in the United States.

[983] But he would call himself a doctor and he had like the stethoscope that he'd wear.

[984] Out in public?

[985] Well, in his office, he'd walk around with a stethoscope around his neck, like hanging around his neck.

[986] Like, just again, he's going to check your heart.

[987] Meanwhile, all he's doing is prescribed with steroids.

[988] It was amazing.

[989] He's got it.

[990] That was walking around.

[991] He posed as a doctor and had multiple patients and got arrested like a year ago.

[992] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[993] I remember this.

[994] It's in Florida.

[995] Same place.

[996] I guess it's in Florida, too, must be pretty easy.

[997] Of course it's in Florida.

[998] Does his name say Malachi?

[999] Yeah.

[1000] That's a creepy name.

[1001] That's like children of the corn.

[1002] Right.

[1003] How do you pronounce that name?

[1004] Malachi.

[1005] Malachi?

[1006] Yeah.

[1007] That is Balzy.

[1008] Wait a minute.

[1009] That's not his real name.

[1010] Malachi love Rob.

[1011] That sounds like a character from like some sort of porno.

[1012] There he is.

[1013] Dr. Malachi, A. Love Robinson, Ph .D. H -H -H -P -C -C, A -M -P -V -V -H -V -V -H -V.

[1014] What are all those things?

[1015] H -I -V.

[1016] What are all those other things that he is?

[1017] Health care proxy, maybe, some bullshit.

[1018] A -M -P?

[1019] I don't know what the hell.

[1020] That sounds like a gas station in Kansas.

[1021] Let's read his thing.

[1022] What it says is a well, Dr. Malachi, A -Love Robinson is a well rounded professional that treats and cares for patients using a system of practice that bases treatment on physiological functions and abnormal conditions on natural laws governing the human body.

[1023] That doesn't even, that's a run -on nonsense sentence.

[1024] But there's two A's.

[1025] You missed it.

[1026] Hold on a second.

[1027] Dr. Love Robinson utilizes physiological, psychological, and mechanical methods such as air, water, light, heat, earth, phototherapy, food and herb therapy, psychotherapy, psychotherapy.

[1028] Electrotherapy, physiotherapy, mechanotherapy, naturopath, corrections and manipulation and natural methods or modalities together with natural medicines, natural processed foods, and herbs and nature's remedies.

[1029] I don't know what you just said.

[1030] The only thing that was true about that was manipulation.

[1031] Well, how was this guy, like, who read that and went, all right, we're in?

[1032] Yeah, who read that was like, I need to make an appointment immediately.

[1033] We found the real doctor.

[1034] All these other bullshit doctors that don't use manipulation.

[1035] Yeah.

[1036] What doctor goes like this in a photo?

[1037] All of them now.

[1038] Imagine that became the new thing?

[1039] I would not go to that doctor.

[1040] Huh?

[1041] He had offices.

[1042] So someone had to like rent him the spot.

[1043] So they believed him too, not just the patient.

[1044] He had multiple offices?

[1045] He at least had an office, a office.

[1046] You got to think a guy who's that good of a bullshitter that pretends to be a doctor actually gets patients, has got a stethoscope, got a website.

[1047] Is it that good?

[1048] But it's good enough that he's got patients.

[1049] Like, it actually worked.

[1050] Like, imagine being so crazy that you tell everybody you're a doctor.

[1051] You don't know shit about medical practices.

[1052] You know, you read his little bio there.

[1053] And you get offices.

[1054] And then you get patients.

[1055] You're treating patients.

[1056] It's the same as, like, religion.

[1057] It's a similar approach.

[1058] You just find people who need something and they're gullible and they're vulnerable and they'll follow you anywhere.

[1059] Or religion is either that.

[1060] or it's a part of your culture.

[1061] Yeah, right, you're born into it.

[1062] Absolutely.

[1063] It's a cultural thing for sure.

[1064] It's when you hear about like a 45 -year -old dude becoming a Mormon.

[1065] You're like, hmm.

[1066] You're like, what happened?

[1067] What are you doing?

[1068] You're lost.

[1069] Maybe just have a great group of people that are also Mormons.

[1070] And you're like, fuck it, I'll join.

[1071] I guess that would happen.

[1072] You know, maybe even like with Scientology, that's what happens with people, like, especially in Hollywood, they just get so desensitized or like, they get everything they want and they're looking for more.

[1073] I need purpose.

[1074] If I was jaded, I would say that they think they're going to be.

[1075] going to enhance their career.

[1076] You think so?

[1077] I used to think that because there's a lot of like, there was at least a lot of people in the film industry that were Scientologists.

[1078] Right.

[1079] Have you ever gone to a meeting?

[1080] No. But I did go to one of those, they had like a conference tables, a folding table set up in San Diego.

[1081] And they had like the two coffee cans with the strings on them that you hold on to.

[1082] Oh, God.

[1083] And, you know, like they ask your questions about your childhood and weird stuff.

[1084] And you say it into the coffee can?

[1085] No, you hold these things.

[1086] It's called an, it's called, what's it called an e -meter?

[1087] I snorted it so loud.

[1088] It's called an e -meter.

[1089] You hold on to it and it, it gives you some sort of a reading on this fucking graph.

[1090] It's totally non -scientific.

[1091] It's horseshit.

[1092] Right.

[1093] But, you know, the guy who was, it was really interesting because the guy who was doing it must be just like some regular dude who's in the church that they make do it.

[1094] It's not like he wants to do it.

[1095] Nobody wants to do that.

[1096] But you could tell.

[1097] He was like a volunteer because he was like, yeah.

[1098] Yeah, I mean, like, maybe you have a problem with your dad or something?

[1099] He wasn't really selling it at all.

[1100] So basically how I am as a doctor is what you was selling the Scientology.

[1101] Yeah, as a Scientology pusher.

[1102] I want to go to a meeting just to see what it's like.

[1103] Just out of curiosity, just to be in there, you know, in that moment and see what the hype is about.

[1104] Well, there's a lot of money, right?

[1105] You have to think that they're massive real estate holders.

[1106] They've earned millions and millions of dollars.

[1107] and they have tax -free exempt status.

[1108] Because it's a religion?

[1109] Yeah, tax -exempt.

[1110] They don't have to pay taxes.

[1111] Oh, it's crazy.

[1112] They sued and won it.

[1113] Yeah, they sued the IRS.

[1114] See, this is the problem where on one side of the coin, like, people are good manipulators.

[1115] On the other side, people are idiotic to believe and deal with half of the shit that they believe and deal with.

[1116] See, I think there are a bunch of different things at once.

[1117] You know, there's the wacky beliefs that El Ron Hubbard all the way.

[1118] that stuff that he created, but then there's also the clan.

[1119] Like the mentality, like being a part of a clan, right, the tribal mentality.

[1120] Yeah, absolutely.

[1121] It's funny that the Ku Klux Klan, they kind of stole the word Klan.

[1122] Right.

[1123] Like the word, you say it, you get self -conscious.

[1124] You know, it's the correct word for like a tribe of people.

[1125] Right, and it's not, it does not reserve for just a group of white supremacists.

[1126] I mean, it definitely indicates a whole bunch of groups of people.

[1127] Like, I used to play Quake competitively, and if you tell people how Quake teams are that they're clans they're quite clans people like what and then they were like you mean like the kkk you're like no just a group of people no like quake you fucking idiot with a common mentality that's it a group a band of people a band yeah brothers but that that happens people just take over something and then that something becomes negative from then on well then they have a platform as well you know they can then they're like social social justice warriors about it you know they're like cheering it from the rooftops and making tweets about it and how how it's a fucked up situation are they really yeah I don't think anybody's doing that well you know like if you were to say any word people like oh my god could this person said this it's racist it's like I was just saying clan I wasn't saying anything else but it's like the Hitler mustache you just got to let it it's too tricky it is if you get caught up in it wants to wear the Hitler mustache now like you can't what really you can't who wants to to wear it.

[1128] Is there, is somebody wearing it for a while?

[1129] That's right.

[1130] He did.

[1131] Oh my God, he did playing basketball.

[1132] That's kind of fun.

[1133] I don't know if he was playing basketball.

[1134] He wasn't.

[1135] He was retired.

[1136] Like a Haynes commercial or something, I think.

[1137] Oh, my.

[1138] Yeah, he had a goddamn Hitler.

[1139] You can't, brazen.

[1140] You can't even, like, when does it become a Charlie Chaplin?

[1141] It starts as a Hitler.

[1142] Like, when it gets to the outer edge of the nostrils, is it a Charlie Chaplin?

[1143] Well, Charlie Chaplin had a Hitler.

[1144] He molded it after, modeled it after Hitler.

[1145] Did he?

[1146] Yeah.

[1147] Hitler was a huge fan of Chaplin.

[1148] Absolutely.

[1149] There's some crossover there.

[1150] You mean Chaplin was a huge fan of Hitler?

[1151] Hitler was a fan of chaplains.

[1152] And Chaplin just kind of, you know, because Chaplin was a little bit of a rebel, man. So why did Chaplin wear his mustache?

[1153] I think it's like a little tongue in cheek.

[1154] How Michael Jordan's Hitler mustache boosted sales at Haynes.

[1155] Let me see that photo.

[1156] Wow.

[1157] Make that larger.

[1158] Dude, that is so crazy.

[1159] That is so crazy.

[1160] That is wild Even he had to give it up Even Michael motherfucking Jordan What does that second paragraph say?

[1161] Jordan camouflages the mustaches To a small extent With a corresponding soul patch Under his bottom lip But the lip beard Appeard appears to be exactly that A beard trying to disguise The Teutonic neighbor upstairs What a great sentence That's a great sentence It's Teutonic neighbor Tutanic neighbor That's really good Tutonic means Do you know what Teutonic means?

[1162] I've never used that word capitalized too I would hit it Hit it Maybe like a Probably because it's not a real word And motherfucker thinks it's a name It has to do with war or something Like some Okay let's see what it says Relating to the two tones Relating to Teuton's Denoting Germanic Branch of the Indo -European language family I hear when that's the definition You're like what's Teutonic So go back to that Go back to that statement again Back to the statement That we're just reading from Yeah Okay There's a beer trying to disguise It's a Teutonic neighbor upstairs.

[1163] How is that?

[1164] So maybe those people wore those stashes?

[1165] Maybe Hitler got it from those people?

[1166] No, it's because it's Germanic.

[1167] Right.

[1168] But like who's a...

[1169] Demoting a Germanic.

[1170] Maybe it was a Germanic mustache.

[1171] Yeah, maybe it was a la mode of the times.

[1172] Yeah.

[1173] I mean, maybe a bunch of people had Hitler's.

[1174] Kind of like how there's full beards now.

[1175] This is like is a full beard, the Hitler of our society?

[1176] Just like a common beard?

[1177] I don't think so.

[1178] Can you imagine if somebody rolled around with a Hitler stash today?

[1179] That'd be really wild.

[1180] You can't.

[1181] You can't.

[1182] That's too much, right?

[1183] Yeah, but here's what's weird.

[1184] And I've talked about this on stage two.

[1185] Why is it okay to dress like Genghis Khan?

[1186] Who's dressing like Genghis Khan?

[1187] If you want to do it for Halloween.

[1188] Why is it okay?

[1189] Yeah.

[1190] What do you mean like it shouldn't be okay?

[1191] Well, you can't be a Nazi.

[1192] You can't be Hitler.

[1193] Yeah, that's, I mean, that's just...

[1194] People won't let you.

[1195] Well, it's also kind of lacking creativity.

[1196] Like, you want to be a Hitler?

[1197] It's like dressing up like a sexy baby.

[1198] Are we really doing this?

[1199] Is this necessary?

[1200] A lot of people are doing that.

[1201] No one needs to see sexy babies.

[1202] No one needs to see.

[1203] you hitler well slow your rule some girls should definitely dress like a sexy baby okay so girls can dress like sexy babies but I can't dress like a baby and open up packages on YouTube you could dress like a baby and open up packages on YouTube no one's stopping you like fighting these invisible foes because you just said that it would be cute and now before it wasn't when I wanted to do it I don't know what you're talking about I thought I didn't think you're serious I wasn't I wasn't serious cut to this afterwards and it's just 10 videos of me opening up packages of toys.

[1204] Just cereal.

[1205] Yeah.

[1206] In your underwear.

[1207] In my underwear.

[1208] In your feet, fucked up toenails.

[1209] With my terrible, terrible, chipped toenails.

[1210] Yeah, it's amazing how many people have created a career just reviewing stuff on YouTube.

[1211] Like those tech review guys.

[1212] They make a shitload of money.

[1213] They don't even have to have, like, degrees in electronics or in engineering or anything.

[1214] They just have to have a love of tech.

[1215] like our friend well unboxed therapy first of all Lewis like think about how many views those videos get his videos he's one of the top ones but there's Marcus Brownlee who's also been on here 50 guys on there at least that are doing it what are people getting from Austin not Duncan yeah it's weird like as a viewer to watch somebody else open gifts it's like that's like the worst part of Christmas morning watching other people open gifts you're like where the hell are my toys people get really into it they do it's bizarre Don't you think it's bizarre?

[1216] Flossy Carter's my favorite.

[1217] There's a thing that's going on around.

[1218] Yeah.

[1219] He's a jacked black eye.

[1220] He looks like a power lifter.

[1221] Tattoos on his hands.

[1222] Nice.

[1223] Like full out, right?

[1224] And he uses like, he uses technical terms mixed in with like slang.

[1225] And he has a cat.

[1226] He's got a cool little cat that's always like in the videos hanging out.

[1227] And he's an unboxer?

[1228] Yeah, he's a super knowledgeable guy.

[1229] When he reads, like, when he's talking about, like, the different details and what cameras do and don't.

[1230] But he does it in a funny way.

[1231] Right.

[1232] Like, he's very funny.

[1233] Yeah.

[1234] And it's, like, also knowledgeable.

[1235] So if you're a dork like me and you're into, like, phone technology, and I'm really into phone technology.

[1236] I'm always fascinated by innovations in phone technology.

[1237] Because it's like, I'm watching someone build a bomb.

[1238] I'm like, standing back, like, where the fuck are they going next?

[1239] Where is this going next?

[1240] This is ruining us now.

[1241] They want to make them faster and better and more than...

[1242] Is he all hands too?

[1243] Like she was saying, yeah.

[1244] He's all hands?

[1245] Yeah, it's just his hands on the...

[1246] So this is Flossie Carter.

[1247] Shout out to Flossie.

[1248] As far as the feel, lightweight, super comfortable, you can easily wear these all day.

[1249] And for the look, this is what they're going to look like when you're wearing them.

[1250] Neck tattoos.

[1251] Pretty fucking silly, but some people like them, some people don't.

[1252] These really ain't my cup of tea.

[1253] Not what I do.

[1254] He's got big hands.

[1255] He's got manly hands.

[1256] Well, there's pictures of him on his Instagram.

[1257] He's jacked.

[1258] Like, he lifts weights.

[1259] He's huge.

[1260] What's his background?

[1261] I don't know.

[1262] That's why.

[1263] Look at that.

[1264] 2 ,753 ,000495 views where his top 10 truly wireless earphones.

[1265] He's got a huge following.

[1266] But it's because of that because he knows what he's talking about but then on top of knowing when he talks about he's kind of fun to listen to.

[1267] Yeah, his voice is interesting.

[1268] His voice takes up a whole room.

[1269] His voice is powerful.

[1270] It's a powerful voice.

[1271] He should do a TED talk.

[1272] There's so many of those fellas out there that are carving their own niche and gals reviewing things talking about things like there's so many different people doing shit like that now it's interesting i guess it makes sense because there's such a huge space for the techie nerds to indulge in that stuff and become fans of that sort of well also no one would have ever made that a television show and if it was a television show people might not have watched it yeah it's one easier on on youtube where you can just click it at your at your leisure that's the beautiful thing about the on demand it was tech tv though which is gone so it's just sort of just replaced whatever yeah but tech tv was never this in depth they would go, you know, they would gloss over things.

[1273] They would have like a synopsis of...

[1274] It was still TV.

[1275] They still had, you know, they still did like commercials, I guess.

[1276] They were...

[1277] They did everything like a television show.

[1278] It was great.

[1279] I would love remote control.

[1280] I mean, not remote control.

[1281] What was it called?

[1282] Screen savers.

[1283] Remote control was the MTV show.

[1284] I was just saying, I thought that was an MTV.

[1285] Jenny McCarthy and Chris Hardwick.

[1286] Chris Hardwick.

[1287] Yeah, he had a couple extra LBs on him.

[1288] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1289] And he had a sole patch then as well.

[1290] Did he?

[1291] Yeah, he had like a downstairs Hitler.

[1292] Hitler in the basement is what that is.

[1293] You're allowed to have a Hitler in the basement.

[1294] Yeah, you can have Hitler in the basement, just not in the attic.

[1295] It's too close.

[1296] But isn't it weird, though, that, I mean, not saying that anybody wants to dress like a Nazi.

[1297] I don't want to just, I have to say that.

[1298] I have to say that.

[1299] But that if you dressed like a murderer from the past, like Genghis Khan or something like that, well, you actually get in trouble now for cultural appropriation.

[1300] You know where you wouldn't get in trouble is at the Renaissance Fair.

[1301] when they have like heroes and villains day depends on what you're doing with your eyes if you got some squinty eye thing going on with tape too far right in that weird you've taken it too far isn't that but why is it weird that a physical characteristic like eyes like small eyes is like offensive to discuss isn't that fascinating it is fascinating but to recreate I think is it offensive or is it people enjoy the feeling of being offended I think there's a there's a sweet spot in the middle there.

[1302] I would beg to differ that some of the people in society who are offended by words, terms, sentences aren't necessarily truly offended as much as they want to say they're offended.

[1303] I am 100 % on board with you.

[1304] Ms. Paluso.

[1305] Dr. Paluso, sorry.

[1306] Thank you, Dr. Paluso.

[1307] I have a HPV, H -D, P -H -I -A -B -D.

[1308] I can't, I mean, people get offended.

[1309] People love getting offended.

[1310] They love it.

[1311] It's fun.

[1312] They love getting offended.

[1313] And you know what they also love doing not doing shit about it but in their defense if you see like a movie where a dude is playing an Asian man but he's a white dude and they do some malarkey with his eyes they're like motherfucker he said malarkey with his eyes what did he turn him into a leprecha and something irish with his eyes charlie chan type shit you ever see They use that special effects malarkey And change them into a Chinaman Oh, that goddamn lepercon, that fucker You could be an Englishman No one has a problem with calling someone an Englishman But you call someone a Chinaman And they're going to go, whoa, you're getting weird there It's just, you're getting weird It's exhausting when people are offended And then it's like girls being offended And writing articles About guys that are doing Me Too moments But they're not going to the rallies They're not involved in the community they're not really like moving the needle they're just screaming Is it good to go to rallies?

[1314] I think it's good to be also actively and physically involved in whatever movement you believe in I think just saying it and posting it on Twitter is a facade.

[1315] But it's good for likes.

[1316] You can get a lot of likes.

[1317] Boom.

[1318] I mean I guess there's some eyeballs on it.

[1319] You're creating a conversation but I don't know.

[1320] I just believe in like living, walk in the talk a little bit more.

[1321] What the fuck were we just talking about?

[1322] Gangus Khan.

[1323] Oh.

[1324] Chinese actors that get fucked out of roles by white people, they don't do that anymore, but they used to.

[1325] And one of the big ones was Charlie Chan.

[1326] Charlie Chan was like a famous detective show.

[1327] Remember that show?

[1328] Was it casted as a white man?

[1329] Yeah, was a white dude playing a Chinese detective that was like super wise detective.

[1330] That's busted.

[1331] But he looks like, you know, like a white guy who eats good.

[1332] Like Matlock?

[1333] dick more like Like the commish No like That's what right there Oh my Holy hell Yeah that was Charlie Chan I'm offended Yeah you should be He looks more like He looks like a shitty magician He looks like chewy From the comedy store You guys don't remember chewy That is offensive The same thing happened with Let me see that picture Look at that shit is ridiculous I can't What's happening there He looks like he runs a casino and upstate New York.

[1334] And you ever hear him talk?

[1335] Can we play some of them?

[1336] I need to hear it.

[1337] Some Charlie Chan.

[1338] It was very offensive.

[1339] Oh my God.

[1340] Dun, dun, done, done.

[1341] Let's listen to some Charlie Jeff.

[1342] I'm, I'm shook right now.

[1343] What's that, Jamie?

[1344] What do you think what year?

[1345] What year do you think this was?

[1346] 1945, it says.

[1347] Yeah, I was going to say 50s.

[1348] Scarlett Johansson had that whole issue.

[1349] Remember, she was cast in that movie and it was supposed to be an Asian role?

[1350] Yeah.

[1351] And people went crazy over it?

[1352] She bailed.

[1353] She bailed.

[1354] Let's hear some of this Here he goes I can't Telephone me Boy the minute I got your telegram I started watching all trains You contact Mysterious Mr. Rouse Sure picked him up the minute he got off the train And Hodge that's one of my men over there He and I have trailed him for seven hours Rouse No you follow him He couldn't help it I figured you were about A hard R on that rouse So we've kept close to it Look at his face He doesn't even look remotely Asian You know they taped his eyes for sure.

[1355] They did some weirdness, but not much because he looks like every housewife in Bev Hills minus the facial hair.

[1356] The pulled back face?

[1357] Yeah, where you're like, take off 10 years.

[1358] But back then, you know, this guy could get away with that.

[1359] You know, what's his face?

[1360] Who's the lady in the saran wrap?

[1361] She's a ghost or some shit.

[1362] Dude.

[1363] What's happening to her?

[1364] That is bizarre.

[1365] I don't even know if they had sarin rap back then.

[1366] That could be just jizz.

[1367] Oh shit.

[1368] A bubble.

[1369] of jizz is that what you would do to wrap up food you'd have to jizz on things spooge it and take it home after the party put your food inside of it the new jizz what's up with her fucking face what is that shit dude she's wearing like a glass veil or something is that shy al -a -boof is that louis gomez and shia leboof they're time travelers this is I mean isn't it great to live in this time where our movies are so much better but we're gonna laugh in the future looking back at how stupid things are today.

[1370] You just can't see it coming.

[1371] Remember when you thought the, look at that guy.

[1372] That's a cool chair.

[1373] What is that dude?

[1374] Is that another Chinese guy?

[1375] That dude is serious.

[1376] That's not really a Chinese guy.

[1377] I think he's got, that's some terrible face makeup I think added to him, I think.

[1378] That looks like a, like Joey Diaz on acid.

[1379] Look at that with that head wrap.

[1380] That's fancy.

[1381] That looks like Tate.

[1382] It does look like Tate.

[1383] A regal Tate.

[1384] Like a older Tate on acid.

[1385] Yeah, Tate on acid.

[1386] Real angry.

[1387] Ruling a kingdom after a couple divorces.

[1388] Yeah, he's like an 80 -year -old Tate.

[1389] Yeah, that's offensive.

[1390] Well, that's what they used to do.

[1391] But look up John Wayne as Genghis Khan.

[1392] That's even dumber because they didn't even change anything, including the way he talked.

[1393] He talked like John Wayne.

[1394] We're going to go out there and we're going to fuck up these Russians.

[1395] He talked literally like John Wayne, but he was dressed with like a fur fucking hat on.

[1396] Oh, that made me cry laugh.

[1397] Oh, my God, that's so dumb.

[1398] Oh, my God, you got to see it.

[1399] You got to see it.

[1400] How when they made that movie, where they were like, this is it.

[1401] This is it.

[1402] They had to...

[1403] They didn't know.

[1404] Everything sucked.

[1405] Everything did kind of suck.

[1406] There's only a few, like, gone with the wind.

[1407] Like, whoa, what did they do there?

[1408] They'll take a few movies.

[1409] I know.

[1410] You know, Rose...

[1411] Citizen King.

[1412] Like, whoa.

[1413] You're like, wow.

[1414] This one doesn't suck.

[1415] Yeah, this is impressive.

[1416] I got lost in the film.

[1417] Look it up.

[1418] There I am.

[1419] King gets gone.

[1420] I mean, the likeness is a little...

[1421] Amazing.

[1422] That's who we is.

[1423] You imagine...

[1424] Look at that beard.

[1425] He went from playing like a fucking shit.

[1426] sheriff and some wild west town to gingus con Hollywood was so whitewashed it really really was well they knew back then if they did a john way they would sell a million tickets you know that's really what the what the thing is i mean an aspect of that is still going on it'll always go on you know and i sort of i don't know if you feel the same way i get it to a certain point like when you go out in the comedy clubs and there's like a youtube influencer booked on a weekend you're just like ah fuck but then you're like well Well, I kind of get it from a business standpoint.

[1427] If they're filling the rooms, I did a gig in in Arizona once, and they had a daytime gig booked from a YouTube influencer.

[1428] They packed this place out at 11 a .m. With, like, 12 -year -old kids as fans.

[1429] Was his name Bert Kreischer?

[1430] Yes, it was.

[1431] It was the Burke Kreischer Day Show.

[1432] He didn't take his whole shirt off.

[1433] It was a crop top.

[1434] You wore a halter.

[1435] Bert does those day shows.

[1436] He does.

[1437] He'll do radio, and then he'll do a show at like noon for people that don't have jobs.

[1438] Yeah, it's like work, calling sick to work or something.

[1439] What does he call it?

[1440] Something like that.

[1441] He took his shirt off of the Kings game.

[1442] God, this is so funny.

[1443] That lady didn't know what to do.

[1444] He's looking slim.

[1445] Yeah, that is slim for Burt.

[1446] That's only like 19 months pregnant.

[1447] Yeah, and that's a protrusion.

[1448] And it's hard.

[1449] He's got an eight -year -old.

[1450] In the belly.

[1451] He's got an eight -year -old inside of him.

[1452] He has to take his shirt.

[1453] He takes his shirt off in the O -R now.

[1454] Every time?

[1455] Yeah, he used to take his shirt off only in the main room.

[1456] He's like, well, the O -R, keep my shirt on.

[1457] now we decided no more of that.

[1458] Does it come off every show?

[1459] Every set, right when he gets on stage, it takes a shirt off.

[1460] When does he decide when that happens?

[1461] I wonder, like, is there a moment?

[1462] Just right out.

[1463] That's how you do it.

[1464] Pre -prime -grab or grabs a mic?

[1465] Well, his body is a source of pride.

[1466] He enjoys the fruits of his labor and his appetite for indulgence.

[1467] I don't know if it's a body as much as it is a building.

[1468] It's a body.

[1469] People know it's his body.

[1470] They know he's the party animal.

[1471] He takes his shirt off.

[1472] And they go, all right, it's Bert.

[1473] Fuck yeah.

[1474] Woo.

[1475] He's fun.

[1476] It is a lot of fun.

[1477] There's a article that was written about that.

[1478] Like, talking about, I was reading, this guy was, like, talking about how hilarious it was.

[1479] It's a party.

[1480] It definitely is a party.

[1481] He is an animal.

[1482] And sometimes, you know, I mean, there's the opposite where people are just kind of quiet on stage.

[1483] If I could get a laugh just by taking off my shirt, I think I'd go for it.

[1484] Why not?

[1485] Start off with that.

[1486] But now the problem.

[1487] is I think Bert owns it, which is weird, you know?

[1488] Like, you think he should have some, like, a little bit of a feeling about it?

[1489] No, like, he owns it.

[1490] Like, if you wanted to go up and take your shirt off, people go, what are you copying Bert?

[1491] It's a good point.

[1492] He's the only one doing it.

[1493] He's the only comic derobing every time.

[1494] But there's some weird ones like that.

[1495] Bobby Lee takes his pants off.

[1496] I mean, I've seen that weenie, weeny a few times, winking at me from the green rooms of the comedy.

[1497] You should probably not tell people that.

[1498] If Bert stopped doing it, people will probably get mad now.

[1499] They'll get mad at it.

[1500] They'll throw things out of him.

[1501] He can't.

[1502] He can't not do it.

[1503] They're like, take off the shirt.

[1504] He does a jump on them on stage, tackle him.

[1505] Yeah.

[1506] Yeah, but I mean, there's a couple dudes who go clothless.

[1507] Take off their pants and their shirts.

[1508] But it's weird that that's Bert's thing.

[1509] Yeah, it is weird.

[1510] You're right, though.

[1511] If anybody else were to do it, they would know that that was a Burt situation.

[1512] There was another one like that.

[1513] We were just talking about the other night at the comedy store.

[1514] Like how crazy it is that someone like took over Like a thing?

[1515] Yeah A stand -up comedian?

[1516] I think so.

[1517] It doesn't matter.

[1518] I'm not gonna remember.

[1519] I'm not gonna remember.

[1520] I want to know what it is.

[1521] Well there's like a comic in New York It snaps.

[1522] Got like a snap every time they, and you know, Frazier Smith, I love watching Fraser Smith when he's like, come on people, these are jokes.

[1523] And he like snaps.

[1524] Snap is funny.

[1525] It's like a timekeeper.

[1526] I like that.

[1527] Right.

[1528] It keeps you in rhythm.

[1529] Yeah, it keeps you in rhythm.

[1530] It's musical up there sometimes if it's going well.

[1531] If it goes well It's weird how people can become like a thing Like this is the guy who talks about food I know I was thinking about that Like What what comes first in that scenario Does it naturally evolve or does it happen once And then the person builds around it Because it's a crutch Hmm There's a fine line between the art and the Marketing Exactly Yeah And who you know Do your thing like It's a short life Why not find that little niche that works for you and fucking make that money and have fun and bring some joy to people.

[1532] Who gives a fuck?

[1533] I have a problem with people who talk shit about people going after what they're doing and finding a little trick to it.

[1534] Who cares?

[1535] Is it what everybody's doing?

[1536] People get angry if they get tricked.

[1537] God damn, that's true.

[1538] That's true.

[1539] Fucking tricked.

[1540] I can't believe this shit, dude.

[1541] I remember there was this lady who reviewed video games.

[1542] She was like talking about video games and they found a video of her from years earlier saying that she doesn't even play video games.

[1543] They were like, Aha!

[1544] You got me. I knew it.

[1545] You don't even play video games.

[1546] I knew it.

[1547] They were using it as like evidence.

[1548] I was like, this is during that whole Gamergate thing.

[1549] I'm like, this is evidence that the world has gone mad.

[1550] People are arguing over whether or not someone is a real video game player.

[1551] You're not even a real player, you fake play.

[1552] People have too much time on their hands, man. Too much time.

[1553] And they get stuck in that, they stuck in that like web universe.

[1554] Well, not just that.

[1555] Like, yeah, people change.

[1556] I wasn't playing video games just three months ago now Jamie and Jeff and I we're playing them every fucking day We play this quake game Oh that's a video game Jamie fucked me up yesterday You beat his ass How did that feel?

[1557] How did that feel?

[1558] How did that feel good?

[1559] Are you a good loser?

[1560] Yeah we have fun We have fun we talk a lot of shit I was just gonna say you probably talked a lot of shit To Jamie after you lost No Did you cry He did fuck me up on this one map That I was very angry at this map Because he keeps falling off but so whack you fall off and you suicide he did a much better job than me but he owned me on the other one so it evens out it evens out it's good to play video games to a certain degree when the environment I like that one map that we play on because when you do go out you do suicide but it's not that common that other one that's just like every time and if you're jumping and you don't look behind you you're like fuck ah you watch yourself fall and explode when you hit the rock how many times did I explode How many times do I fall?

[1561] Is some of the range of 30?

[1562] Not joking.

[1563] You really are new to it.

[1564] No, no. And here's me falling.

[1565] Fuck!

[1566] God damn it!

[1567] Fuck!

[1568] Fuck this map.

[1569] Shit.

[1570] Son of a bitch.

[1571] Shit, it suck.

[1572] God damn it.

[1573] What the fuck!

[1574] And then Jeff's getting good, too.

[1575] It's become a problem.

[1576] Jeff fucked me up yesterday, too.

[1577] I think it's good to have, like, I wish I was good at video games.

[1578] I'm not that good at it.

[1579] What do you wish?

[1580] Why would you want that skill?

[1581] Because I think it's good, like, the hand -eye coordination and just like, I don't know, being able to relax and play a game.

[1582] I'm going to fly a fucking Chinook.

[1583] You want to be the drone pilots in Vegas?

[1584] I do.

[1585] So, what do you think about UFOs?

[1586] 100 % real.

[1587] 100 % real?

[1588] You ever see one?

[1589] I did actually see one.

[1590] Really?

[1591] I did in New York City.

[1592] This was years ago.

[1593] I was walking downtown.

[1594] I used to bartend at this place called Puffy's Tavern in Tribeca.

[1595] Walking downtown, beautiful sunny day.

[1596] And as I'm crossing the street, I'm just, you know, it's a lot.

[1597] looking at everybody everyone's looking up like what are these people looking at i look up and there's this like i don't know like a weird oval chrome thing in the sky pretty far far up but you could see what it was and i was i remember talking to the dude i'm like what is that and he was videotaping he was like i don't know we've all been standing here it hasn't really moved it just was kind of suspended in the air not a lot of sound at all and i had to get to work i'm like all right well i got to go make cowboy cock suckers for investment bankers so let me know what happens and I went to the bar and it was on the news at the bar and it was just this weird it looked like like that bullet that little bullet vibrator thing or like a little suppository in the sky it was like a like a balloon yeah like almost like a balloon but a little bit more elongated very quiet it was bizarre like a blimp nah not like a it sat upright it was almost like if this was oval shaped like a can yeah soda can floating in the sky right side up yep it was bizarre but that was like the only real time I was like what is that I I remember being a little kid thinking that I might have saw something but I might have just convinced myself just I was bored and also as your memory recalls you recreate what it was 100 % but what do you remember oh I don't remember anything really but what I was going to say is I watched this Bob Lazar in area 51 documentary oh boy Holy shit.

[1598] It's really interesting.

[1599] It's a lot more interesting than I thought.

[1600] I always like to dismiss a lot of the UFO stuff because I'm always like, this is nonsense.

[1601] This is so silly.

[1602] But my friend Dave Foley, who I treasure and I value his opinion very highly, he told me that he started getting obsessed with UFOs.

[1603] He said, thanks to you, I'm obsessed with UFOs.

[1604] I'm like, thanks to me, I'm not even obsessed with them anymore.

[1605] You cause a lot of obsessions, I'm sure.

[1606] No, but he and I, when we used to work together on news radio, I was deep in my obsession with UFOs.

[1607] I was convinced.

[1608] What kicked it off?

[1609] Just hearing people's stories?

[1610] If you only had one experience as a kid.

[1611] No, I don't even think I really did have an experience.

[1612] I think I probably saw a jet fly overhead and I was like, I think that might be a UFO.

[1613] And then I talked to myself into it.

[1614] That's weird that you had an obsession not based off of your own experiences.

[1615] That's bizarre.

[1616] Yeah, I've always been super, super obsessed with space.

[1617] Yeah.

[1618] I think I had a really good teacher.

[1619] in seventh grade science and I remember he said if you really want to make your brain hurt just look up and try to imagine something that has no end try to imagine the universe has no end just you can't you want to hurt your head just look up at the sky and understand there's no end to this it doesn't make any sense doesn't make any sense because everything else in life and existence has a finality to it every single thing yeah we think but this guy when he planted that shit in my head, I remember thinking, wow, I never even thought of that before.

[1620] Like, I just looked at the stars and I'd be like, oh, there's the stars, they look cool.

[1621] Oh, there's the moon.

[1622] I want to go to the moon.

[1623] You know, like a dumb kid.

[1624] You don't have the perspective of like the vastness of it.

[1625] Yeah, but when I was 13, this guy said that.

[1626] 13, maybe 14.

[1627] No, 12?

[1628] I guess 12.

[1629] Somewhere in that range, 7th or 8th grade.

[1630] You just started.

[1631] Yeah.

[1632] I remember him saying that to me and then being obsessed with space after that.

[1633] Obsessed.

[1634] Like one thing that a teacher said And I was immediately like, what?

[1635] Like that was one of the first cool things I ever heard at school You know, where someone...

[1636] Well, he was a cool teacher.

[1637] He was a Vietnam vet.

[1638] There was a couple of these guys that were Vietnam vets That were super scary.

[1639] They were scary.

[1640] It's good to have a teacher like that, though.

[1641] So many, like, that whole thing, Like, our education system really fails a student sometimes But have teachers who invoke curiosity out of children who actually care and have a, you know, interesting curriculum that they bring to the table I only had a couple teachers like that that I can really remember but yeah I think three the three teachers that I really remember they're like wow that lady was so nice out of your entire schooling yeah same I had a really cool Miss Lutwin was my first grade teacher and she'd have us line up outside of her door and she always had a pop collar she always smelled good she always had a pop collar and when you'd walk in her classroom if you had a collar she'd pop it so everybody sat in class with a popped collar That's hilarious And it just brought this like Cool mentality Right Like it just We felt like we were our own little clan in there Like the Miss Lutwin clan That's what it was like When did you know that you wanted to be a comedian Early early on Like eight years old I was young Yeah I was entertaining my sister No shit But I didn't know that I could make a career out of it Because where I grew up There wasn't those like outlets You know we didn't have like A theater or any sort of Cultural Exposure that I could, you know, adhere to and just be like, oh, okay, cool, I'm going to be...

[1642] No gay people, that's what you're trying to say?

[1643] Exactly, thank you, no gay people.

[1644] Well, we did, they were hiding because they didn't want to be murdered.

[1645] Ha, ha, L -O -L -L -L -L -J -K.

[1646] So how old were when you first went on stage?

[1647] 19.

[1648] Oh, wow.

[1649] Yeah, I was 19 years old.

[1650] I thought you had to wait until 21.

[1651] I didn't realize afterwards that you can get into a bar as a performer.

[1652] I know.

[1653] I just have to make sure that you don't drink.

[1654] Yeah, there was this cool place called the Canterb Lounge, which is a, I mean, you're Boston, right?

[1655] But, you know, you know all about it.

[1656] Cambridge area had this bar called the Canterb Lounge.

[1657] And downstairs, there was this little performance space called the Third Rail.

[1658] And I used to do improv for like six months.

[1659] And then one of the dudes was like, you should try stand -up.

[1660] You might like it.

[1661] So in Cambridge, you were doing this?

[1662] Yeah.

[1663] That's where I started stand -up in Boston.

[1664] This was, I see, I was 19.

[1665] I'm 36 now.

[1666] I'm not doing that math.

[1667] I can't do that math.

[1668] I thought you would.

[1669] You're the science.

[1670] I'm the doctor.

[1671] I don't have time to do math.

[1672] I have to write prescriptions.

[1673] I'm too busy with my calculations about the size of the universe.

[1674] I have to go get my stethoscope.

[1675] I can't do the math.

[1676] I think you were 22.

[1677] That's what it means.

[1678] I don't know what year it was.

[1679] 29.

[1680] 20 years ago.

[1681] 2003 years ago?

[1682] Holy, 23 years ago.

[1683] What?

[1684] 80 years ago?

[1685] Fuck, you were bad at math just like me. Well, it was whatever that.

[1686] I'm not even counting.

[1687] I'm just making numbers.

[1688] Whatever it was.

[1689] So, you're 36 now.

[1690] You started stand up when you were 19 Almost 20 years ago Almost 20 years ago Yeah Yeah and my dad was there Actually I have it on tape You have it on tape?

[1691] I do the first time I ever did stand up Don't watch it I did and I It fucked your head up It fucked me up for months You're like god damn Dude it fucked me up for months Why did I think I could do this Oh And like It was just Everything you can imagine it was It was It was all the things All the things It was just all the little Climsy and fast and not rooted in like a narrative about my life it just was sort of a reflection of what I saw.

[1692] Essentially you go up there and you imitate something until you have your own voice for the most part.

[1693] Yep, for sure.

[1694] But I have it on tape and I'll never forget we even videotaped afterwards.

[1695] My dad came out from Syracuse to watch it.

[1696] My dad, he's since passed in October but he came out and he was there for my first stand -up show and he's like, babe, you're going to be fine.

[1697] My dad's not in the industry.

[1698] He doesn't know shit.

[1699] This dude was like, you know, he sold real estate and bartend like he wasn't like in the entertainment industry but he's like baby you're going to be fine you're great because you got high energy he's like you're going to be fine because you're up there and you got high energy that's what the people like i was like all right okay dad so i just kind of always thought about that like aspect of it like just my my physicality and not feeling embarrassed by it you know like did you ever say to your dad hey what about stephen right yeah you know he definitely he liked comedians like that one of my dad's favorite comics was stanhope he loved stanhope i'll never forget i did a show with stanhope in syracuse actually and my dad was sitting next to me we're watching stanhope and he leaned over he was like man the mind on this guy it's like one of the brightest brightest people i've ever heard in my life dad's get out more he well he's he's in a grave now so he's only getting out as a ghost he's probably a drunk ghost at some girl's house right now because he can't find mine Stanhope is getting ready to film another special.

[1700] Very excited to watch.

[1701] Yeah, that's going to be great.

[1702] Stanhope is, he's like the, I don't know, he's like the equalizer when it comes to what's going on in society.

[1703] He just has a way of being like, boom, this is what's going on with gun control and with people being offended by terminology and words.

[1704] Here's why it's ridiculous.

[1705] Yeah.

[1706] He's good like that.

[1707] Well, he works, you know, I mean, he's a guy that he, and he works on his own schedule.

[1708] He decides when to write, when to perform, when to tour, when to do it.

[1709] And he was always like, I might just fucking retire.

[1710] And then right back at it, new special coming out next year.

[1711] Yeah, he's always, he's always working.

[1712] He is always working.

[1713] He has his own lane.

[1714] I'm glad he's out there.

[1715] Yeah, he's amazing.

[1716] I love watching him.

[1717] I'm glad he's out there because he's just, like, he's basically an older version of the guy he was, like, 20 plus years ago.

[1718] Absolutely.

[1719] He's not changed at all other than, like, become more wacky.

[1720] Yeah.

[1721] With it's fucking goofy suits.

[1722] It's goofy suits.

[1723] It's goofy suits.

[1724] Those fucking suits.

[1725] Every time I see him with the fuck.

[1726] But here's the thing.

[1727] Like, that's one of the things.

[1728] Like, he owns the suits now.

[1729] I was just going to say, no one can wear the suits.

[1730] If you wear a goofy suit, like a really shitty suit like Stanhope wears on stage.

[1731] Yeah, like a dusty peach colored suit with ruffles.

[1732] He wears, like, like, like, a old man from Caddyshack days.

[1733] He looks like he used to sell cars 20 years ago and kept the outfit.

[1734] Yeah.

[1735] And I love it.

[1736] Frazier Smith's long lost cousin.

[1737] He looks like a ghost.

[1738] Toledo.

[1739] His cousin from Toledo Who sells cars He looks like a ghost from the Titanic He rents out clowns Look at him Yeah Look at those shoes He's a rock star Look at those shoes But you're right That's his thing Yeah that's his look Terrible suits And he's been rocking this look For quite a while now Like he used to dress like a normal person Well a semi I mean There was always a level of eccentric Outfits He could replace his entire wardrobe For $40 You could go to a thrift store Yeah I mean you could get that jacket for two dollars And it's amazing that he finds them all that seem to be tailored It's like he gets a fraud He takes these things he takes these shitty fabrics to like a real high -end tailor And he has them like slim fit it And he pretends he finds them He does he finds some of them He definitely gets some nice tailored Look at that shirt It's a bum jacket That shirt and it's not bum though It's all nice and clean No it is nice and clean but I'm saying it looks like a bum that's struck it rich real quick.

[1740] Like he got money fast and didn't know what to do, so he just bought the same suits, but cleaner.

[1741] No, if a bum struck at rich, they'd be wearing, like, the finest things.

[1742] Really?

[1743] They saw in the windows of those department stores, and they were on the outside.

[1744] You just go from living in a garbage bag to Prada?

[1745] Yeah.

[1746] That's what I think.

[1747] Yeah.

[1748] Once you got on your feet and cleaned up and stuff, take a couple of days to get used to the fact that you're rich now.

[1749] I don't know if I'd be able to.

[1750] I obviously, I don't have a knack for fashion.

[1751] I'm in like a gangster hillbilly overall outfit.

[1752] It works.

[1753] I don't know if I'd be able to, like, just know what to wear after being homeless for so long.

[1754] First, you got to kick the heroin.

[1755] And the piss -stained shirt.

[1756] Yeah, you got to kick all that.

[1757] You got to clean your body up.

[1758] You got $100 billion in the bank now, Claude.

[1759] What's I'm saying?

[1760] There's a little bit of a process.

[1761] Yeah.

[1762] You know, you're not going from, like, shit -stained shorts to Gucci pants.

[1763] Well, most people don't even make it.

[1764] You know, like, when people win money in a lottery, like, they almost always spend it all or go crazy.

[1765] I don't think people get adjusted to that idea that all of a sudden, boom, somebody just drops off a giant chunk of change.

[1766] Like, if you got inheritance money from Grandpa leaves you a million dollars, like, you're going to burn through that shit.

[1767] Most people, I don't even think it's reserved for homeless people.

[1768] I mean, like rappers, athletes, comedians.

[1769] It's like that goes back to our education system.

[1770] We're not taught financial responsibility in high school.

[1771] We should be.

[1772] Listen, it doesn't matter if you teach comedians, financial responsibility.

[1773] Most of us are not going to follow it.

[1774] I was crazy.

[1775] Crazy impulsive.

[1776] I wanted to just at least have something saved for the future because I knew that about myself that I did not know enough.

[1777] So I started to save some and do a little bit of Googling.

[1778] For every Kevin Hart who has like real knowledge about finances, there's like four dudes like me. I have no idea what's going on.

[1779] Who's got like a custom gym and 16 cars on the way?

[1780] I'm not thinking.

[1781] I don't have any time for thinking.

[1782] But do you like that?

[1783] like what you know as a woman you know our indulgences are like you know going to the spa or maybe shopping like what's your thing like on a day off what do you do that brings you joy that is a is a commercial like a material thing obviously you like your cars I enjoy cars but I enjoy cars but I enjoy I'm a big fan of engineering like I'm I love mechanical things like like I think my favorite car I have this car that doesn't have any power steering doesn't have air conditioning and it's got an air -cooled engine.

[1784] It's one of my favorite cars.

[1785] What is it?

[1786] Which car?

[1787] It's a 1993 Porsche RS America.

[1788] It's a really light car.

[1789] It's not really even that fast.

[1790] It's not fast like a modern car.

[1791] It's definitely not fast compared to my Tesla.

[1792] Tesla is the craziest fucking car I've ever driven by far.

[1793] Every other car seems stupid.

[1794] What model is it?

[1795] They seem dumb.

[1796] It's the Model S. P -100D.

[1797] It's fucking preposterous how fast that car is.

[1798] And just a technology.

[1799] on it.

[1800] And does it also have auto?

[1801] Oh, yeah.

[1802] All the drives, does everything.

[1803] How does that work?

[1804] Like, if you're driving down the highway, if you set up auto, does it legitimately go to your destination?

[1805] You have to hit this little thing to switch lanes to see that you want to switch lanes, but it'll switch lanes for you.

[1806] It will drive with the speed of traffic.

[1807] So it'll slow down.

[1808] When traffic slows down, speed up and traffic speeds up.

[1809] It turns.

[1810] It makes perfect turns.

[1811] Wow.

[1812] It's crazy.

[1813] So could you just be, could you zone out and let it go?

[1814] You really shouldn't.

[1815] But it's just as an argument.

[1816] You probably could.

[1817] Wow.

[1818] You hold your hand on the steering wheel.

[1819] Like you're supposed to have light pressure on the steering wheel.

[1820] Apparently, some crazy fucks have, that's what it looks like on the screen.

[1821] Wow.

[1822] They just updated it like last week.

[1823] Yeah, they updated it to recognize stoplights.

[1824] That is so, I mean, the future is now.

[1825] That is so wild.

[1826] It's bananas, but someone told me, I don't know if this is true and it's irresponsible for me to even say it.

[1827] But I'm going to say it.

[1828] Do it.

[1829] This is your podcast.

[1830] You're living your truth.

[1831] I'm going to go crazy.

[1832] Someone said that you can bypass the touch sensors on the steering wheel that knows if you're holding on the steering wheel with a tennis ball.

[1833] You shove a tennis ball in there.

[1834] And if you do that, you can just go to sleep.

[1835] And the fucking people just drive.

[1836] Well, you know what?

[1837] Modern Darwinism will take care of the rest.

[1838] I hope not.

[1839] I like Elon.

[1840] I don't want people to die in his cars.

[1841] I don't want people to die either.

[1842] But people do dumb things all the time.

[1843] But there's a difference between those kind of cars and the cars that I really like.

[1844] I like these mechanical cars.

[1845] They feel the gears.

[1846] Like, see, this guy's got a tennis ball.

[1847] Oh, he's got an orange stuck in there.

[1848] He's got a little citrus.

[1849] See, Citrus works for driving as well as getting rid of bacteria.

[1850] Yeah, he debunked Tesla's Autopite Orange Hack.

[1851] Oh, he debunked it.

[1852] Oh, to see if it worked or not.

[1853] I see.

[1854] It seems like it's working, though.

[1855] It does look like it's working.

[1856] So it might explain it.

[1857] But it makes you hold on to it like every now and then.

[1858] It doesn't make you hold on to it all the time.

[1859] As it should.

[1860] It failed.

[1861] The debunking failed.

[1862] It actually does work that way.

[1863] I mean, how much is going on in your life that you can't?

[1864] I enjoy driving.

[1865] I enjoy the mechanism of it.

[1866] I enjoy where my mind goes.

[1867] I like blasted my music.

[1868] I may or may not hit a joint.

[1869] May or may not, allegedly, probably not.

[1870] But, you know, I enjoy driving.

[1871] Well, I do too.

[1872] But I think if there was a button that you could press that say, you drive.

[1873] Then the car just drives.

[1874] You hit that button.

[1875] all the fucking time most of the time when you're in traffic you just don't want to deal you just hit that button especially in LA I would definitely if I'm going to the airport I get up in the morning and I just hit that button yeah hit that hit that button let's go bitch press that button then I barely pay attention tap that shit all the way to the airport yeah see that's there's certain situations where it would be useful definitely but when you're driving like say if you're driving in a canyon you know like you're up these hills and and driving around these like beautiful scenic places, you want to be driving like a little sports car with a manual transmission.

[1876] Hugging those wheels.

[1877] Yeah.

[1878] You want to feel it.

[1879] Grabbing the wheel and hugging the corners like a desperate person.

[1880] I feel like he can add that to the Tesla.

[1881] No. Why not?

[1882] Because you won't feel the gears.

[1883] You won't feel the grinding.

[1884] You won't feel the shifting of the gear yourself.

[1885] It doesn't have any gears.

[1886] Like there's so many oral experiences you would have to be lying to me about.

[1887] First of all, here's one.

[1888] The revving of the engine.

[1889] Like when you get up to red line when you're shifting gears like bha there's a sound that uh especially like a really well engineered german car has when they hit those high revs it's a just a it's a symphony of coordinated mechanics it's all wah and you're shifting and then you it's really good you hit the fucking you blip on the down shift like on the down shift you do what's called heel towing where you got one foot on the brake and you go like this so that as you're going from third to second you give it a little extra juice so that your engine RPM catches up with where the gear's going to be when you get into second gear it's going to rev higher and you're all doing it's like a coordinated effort all these things are happening it's not just like sitting there with an orange on your steering right now it's just something else going on I just came in my pants from that whole description of do you know what I'm saying if you made fart sounds, then he can make some force sounds or something like that.

[1890] But here's the thing, it doesn't matter if you make the sound.

[1891] I know, no, I know.

[1892] I want to feel the shift.

[1893] You push the no. It's all about the shift.

[1894] Jamie, you're pushing your foot into the clutch.

[1895] You're putting the thing into gear.

[1896] It's a mechanical action.

[1897] You can't fake that.

[1898] No, you can't fake that.

[1899] I'm given Elon.

[1900] I bet Elon can fake it.

[1901] He's not going to.

[1902] Listen, if he did, it would be less good than what he has.

[1903] What he's got is better than any other car.

[1904] Right, because it's a basic level of driving.

[1905] It's not, you know, you're not interactive with shifting and everything, which is probably the fun of having a car where you can actually drive it manually.

[1906] Well, there's a bunch of things.

[1907] First of all, with his car, they don't have any gears.

[1908] It's just one gear.

[1909] It doesn't shift.

[1910] It doesn't change.

[1911] That's bizarre.

[1912] Yeah.

[1913] It doesn't hit a red line and then you have to move to third gear.

[1914] Right.

[1915] Or it does it itself.

[1916] It just has one gear.

[1917] And then on top of that, it has this giant navigation screen.

[1918] I mean, it's the craziest fucking thing you've ever seen in your life.

[1919] It's like 14 inches tall.

[1920] Right.

[1921] And then on top of that, it's got, like, all these safety features.

[1922] It's looking at things and warning you about this and shows you where all the cars are around you as you're driving.

[1923] Sounds like having my mom in the front seat.

[1924] Sounds like, just it's something over there.

[1925] Something here.

[1926] Watch out for that, hon. It's like, all right, shut up.

[1927] But what if your mom was psychic and she was just sending it to your brain?

[1928] That's what it's like.

[1929] Because it's not saying anything.

[1930] It's showing it.

[1931] Right.

[1932] It shows it.

[1933] It doesn't, like, a fart machine in there?

[1934] I read that there's like a fart machine in the Tesla's.

[1935] Well, you should read more Because that's not what it was It's a whoopie cushion It's a fart sound That it can make if you want it to Right So when people It's not a fart machine Dude A fart machine would make actual farts Well it makes a fart noise though Right Yes Right so I mean essentially it's a fart machine Just not like a Well it's just a sound effect Mechanics to it There's no machine There's no machine But there's like the Yes That's great That's enough for me To get the Tesla There's different kinds of farts What?

[1936] Yeah yeah yeah yeah You can have like wet farts, short little tiny farts.

[1937] Hookworm farts?

[1938] Probably a hookworm farts.

[1939] What do you think a hookworm fart would smell like?

[1940] Like rotten fish.

[1941] Carcass.

[1942] Some dead worms inside your body.

[1943] Like a river -soaked carcass.

[1944] Have you ever seen an animal?

[1945] I know you have a lot of dogs.

[1946] You ever seen an animal shit out worms?

[1947] No, and I definitely don't want to, but now the image is just vivid in my mind.

[1948] I have many times.

[1949] Like how many worms are we talking?

[1950] Oh like worms coming out of their butt Like you look in their butt You see like little worms Yeah You never seen that It's super common with dogs No it's crazy that I have it Because I have had so many dogs in my life That's well Is that mean that they're like not normal dogs I haven't had them crap out worms Well they probably didn't get dewormed You know they didn't get their pills Right right right right Rescue dogs Before you know The deworming stuff takes place But when I was a kid Our dog had it And I remember watching like little worms Come out of her butt I was like, this is crazy.

[1951] Little white worms were wiggling around in her butt.

[1952] And I was like, what in the fuck is this?

[1953] Nature's weird, man. There's something feeding on everything.

[1954] Yeah, oh, yeah.

[1955] There's an organism feeding on an organism.

[1956] That's all this is.

[1957] Just organisms feeding on each other.

[1958] It's one big fuck fest with organisms.

[1959] Or leech fest.

[1960] Yeah, it is a leach fest.

[1961] Yeah, well, these things, I don't think they fuck.

[1962] Do you think those parasitic worms fuck?

[1963] No, they just probably separate.

[1964] They probably just, you know, they just divide themselves.

[1965] There's no sex happening.

[1966] They're like, it's girls.

[1967] Speaking of fuck, did you see that Python that they found in the middle of the Everglays?

[1968] It was 17 feet long.

[1969] Oh, my.

[1970] I was, so I Googled it.

[1971] I saw this.

[1972] It's one of the things I was talking about exotic pets.

[1973] I googled it.

[1974] They get to 30 feet long.

[1975] I can't even understand that.

[1976] That is ridiculous.

[1977] So then I went down a hole.

[1978] Oh, I did.

[1979] I saw that photo.

[1980] A python hole.

[1981] The record 17 foot long python carrying 73 eggs, captured in Flores Everglades.

[1982] Another reason we should just.

[1983] Get rid of Florida.

[1984] Snap it off and push it into the ocean.

[1985] There's too much craziness happening there.

[1986] Look at that fucking snake.

[1987] Now, here's the thing that freaked me out.

[1988] I found out those snakes get twice that length.

[1989] Oh.

[1990] So this has only been going on apparently for like the last 15 or so years.

[1991] They apparently didn't have a real population of pythons in the Everglades 15 years ago.

[1992] Did somebody's pet get loose?

[1993] That thing had 73 eggs in it.

[1994] I know.

[1995] No, it didn't get loose.

[1996] Some asshole just released a snake.

[1997] Right.

[1998] Someone just chucked it out the window.

[1999] And then it fucks up the balance of the ecosystem.

[2000] They escape from a breeding facility destroyed by Hurricane Andrew in 1992.

[2001] Well, that makes sense.

[2002] 100%.

[2003] That's how a horror movie starts.

[2004] It is a hundred per great horror movie.

[2005] Somebody write that script.

[2006] Tens of thousands of Burmese pythons are estimated and now be living in the area.

[2007] And that's just now.

[2008] They've completely wiped out all the raccoons, all the skunks, all the rabbits.

[2009] It'll balance itself back out.

[2010] Yeah, they're eating alligators now.

[2011] Nice.

[2012] those things eat alligators that's a video to see forget the dude naked at chichflay there's a photograph of one that died because the alligator chewed its way out of its body nature is so brutal man nature is so god damn ruthless but there's some beauty in that ruthlessness just that just that like undying desire for survival that exists in creatures like that that can't there's no empathy there's no sympathy they're just going to eat their way out of you to survive Yeah, there's something cool about As long as it's not your five -year -old kid That gets snatched up Absolutely, absolutely That's a goddamn nightmare Look this I can't show this, but This is just for you guys So what is this one doing?

[2013] This is the video Look at that how it's a different one I think this is an anaconda And a cayman It says python eats alligator Alive Yeah, it eats the whole thing alive Is that a python for sure?

[2014] I don't know Yeah, it seems like it is That's actually a video of me eating a grilled cheese at 2 a .m. It is sped up, but look at how it gets all the way down to the fucking tail.

[2015] That is amazing.

[2016] I wonder if snakes have taste buds or if it's just for pure hunger.

[2017] Dude, just stop and think about what we're looking at here.

[2018] This fucking snake just ate a whole alligator.

[2019] There goes a tail.

[2020] Oh, my.

[2021] And it's in its body and it's just going to break it down.

[2022] Look at the evil.

[2023] But then he's got to go away and chill because they're vulnerable when they eat that.

[2024] He's got to go and just hide under a canopy.

[2025] Well, that's why there's not snakes everywhere on Earth.

[2026] Well, now they are in Florida.

[2027] Yeah, but I mean, they're not everywhere.

[2028] Because if they really could just eat and then go out and eat again, like real quick, like how a lion could.

[2029] Right.

[2030] It would be, they would eat out.

[2031] All the ecosystem would be destroyed.

[2032] They'd eat up everything.

[2033] Where the alligator chewed its way out.

[2034] Ew!

[2035] Look at that.

[2036] Also kind of badass of that alligator.

[2037] It looks like the tail popped out.

[2038] I can't even see what's going on.

[2039] Yeah, maybe the tail, you know, because those tails are very strong and they're so thick.

[2040] It's like an armor.

[2041] Go to that website.

[2042] That's wild, man. Jesus Christ.

[2043] That is really wild.

[2044] But that just shows you how hungry these fucking things are.

[2045] They've eaten everything that's out there.

[2046] But also their ability to capture something and then kill it that's that vicious.

[2047] Right, an alligator.

[2048] Like, those are kind of hard to sneak up on and capture and hold on to.

[2049] I don't think they are.

[2050] You don't think so?

[2051] No, I think that's one of the reasons why it could get it so quick.

[2052] I think they just lay around most of the time.

[2053] I think alligators don't tweak because they don't have any natural enemies until the pythons came along.

[2054] Because they're so badass.

[2055] Yeah, I don't think they're equipped for this.

[2056] Yeah, they're probably not equipped for you.

[2057] You're probably right, where they're just, the snake found a vulnerability in the system.

[2058] He's like, hmm, I'm going to snack on alligators.

[2059] I wonder how long it takes a snake with this nasty gut juices to break down alligator hide.

[2060] Three, three days, three to four days.

[2061] That's my guess.

[2062] I'm going to say at least a week to break down all that, maybe even long.

[2063] longer.

[2064] It's got to have some gnarly, like, um, acids.

[2065] Acids in its stomach to break that down.

[2066] Yeah, some shit like from the movie Alien.

[2067] Yes.

[2068] It's like battery acid.

[2069] It just burns right through it.

[2070] Why aren't we, like, using snake acid to break down rust on cars and stuff?

[2071] We should be looking into that.

[2072] Yeah, it would clean up everything.

[2073] Probably would clean up everything.

[2074] An animated recreation of the Python alligator battle suggests that the Python might have survived its a massive meal, but that a second gator came to the rescue and bit off the snake's head.

[2075] Oh.

[2076] Was that the alligator's bitch being like, no!

[2077] The force of the tussle, the new theory says is what caused the python to burst.

[2078] Whoa.

[2079] So an alligator came and fucked him.

[2080] A homie.

[2081] A homie came and rescued him.

[2082] I don't think they have any homies.

[2083] Really?

[2084] No, I think they're assholes.

[2085] I think they're assholes with tiny little brains and they just chew things and suck them down.

[2086] They just fuck reptilian style?

[2087] Did you ever see that video?

[2088] of the crocodiles and they go to feed them.

[2089] And it was on my Instagram, Jamie, that one with the crocodile.

[2090] This lady goes to throw some chicken out for the crocodiles.

[2091] And the crocodiles snap up the chicken and one crocodile reaches over to the guy next to him and bites his leg, bites the crocodile's leg and just rolls, snaps it off and chucks it down, swallows it.

[2092] And the other alligator, the other crocodile route that doesn't even budge.

[2093] He just got his arm bit off.

[2094] He's like, what happened?

[2095] Oh, my fuck.

[2096] This is when you realize what?

[2097] these things are.

[2098] They don't give a fuck.

[2099] It's so crazy to watch.

[2100] They're dinosaurs.

[2101] Doesn't even freak out that its arm got bitten off and swallowed by his neighbor.

[2102] Well, I will say if I'm eating a really delicious sandwich and someone bites me, I'm just going to finish the sandwich.

[2103] I have to be honest.

[2104] How hungry are you?

[2105] If you're very hungry?

[2106] Well, he's not even finishing.

[2107] He's lying there and the other alligator or the other crocodile bites his leg and then rips it off.

[2108] Watch this.

[2109] That's some bullshit.

[2110] Just watch it.

[2111] Boom.

[2112] Now watch.

[2113] They run.

[2114] in.

[2115] See, this one's snacking up and look, grabs it and then watch, gator roll, death snaps it off and now watch, chucks it down.

[2116] But look at him.

[2117] He doesn't even do anything.

[2118] What the fuck, bro?

[2119] He just lost his leg and he's like, what the fuck, bro?

[2120] I mean, those are not regenerative, right?

[2121] Yes, they are.

[2122] Can he grow another paw?

[2123] Yep.

[2124] Whoa.

[2125] Yeah, they grow other paws all the time.

[2126] That is so wild.

[2127] I want to put some Gator DNA in my face.

[2128] I bet you that's really good for just, like, keeping your shit fresh.

[2129] Or you look like scales.

[2130] You want that?

[2131] That'd be kind of cool.

[2132] Forever, scales?

[2133] I'd be a superhero.

[2134] I could probably capitalize on it.

[2135] Then you never have to worry about what you look like, right?

[2136] Just glue scales to your face.

[2137] Absolutely.

[2138] Just glue them to there right now.

[2139] I'm not going to wear any rouge.

[2140] I got scales.

[2141] I'm going to go out.

[2142] Some girl had to be the first girl to get a face tattoo.

[2143] You could be the first girl to get scales.

[2144] Probably some, probably a really long time ago.

[2145] Some bitch got a face tattoo.

[2146] Well, most likely.

[2147] Tribal.

[2148] Yeah, most likely to be tribal.

[2149] Definitely a tribal.

[2150] Maybe like one of those polyandrous tribes.

[2151] What is this, Jamie?

[2152] That's what it looks like inside.

[2153] Snake with an alligator inside of it?

[2154] Yeah.

[2155] It does take three days for it to break down.

[2156] That's what I figured.

[2157] Well, that's a powerful scientist.

[2158] Doctors slash scientist.

[2159] Coming into your lane.

[2160] Better watch out.

[2161] I'm a doctor and a scientist.

[2162] I know all about gut acids.

[2163] I know about gut acids because I'm Italian.

[2164] I've got Adjida.

[2165] I haven't heard Adjada in forever.

[2166] Adjita.

[2167] Adjid is a real thing.

[2168] That's science.

[2169] That's Sicilian science.

[2170] He's got the fucking Adjada.

[2171] I can't eat, you know, meat the balls.

[2172] They give me the agida, you know.

[2173] What's crazy about the Everglades is if this is how it is now.

[2174] Imagine when it's going to be like 20 years from now.

[2175] And these things just keep breeding.

[2176] Yeah, it's going to take a few generations for that to balance back out.

[2177] They need to put some wolves in that area and get it all back to where it should be.

[2178] Well, they have crocodiles in there now, too.

[2179] There's been confirmed sightings of Nile crocodiles, not American crocodiles, Nile crocodiles for the same reason.

[2180] Dude, that's wild.

[2181] Where the alligators are?

[2182] Yeah.

[2183] That's fucked.

[2184] Yeah, it's fucked.

[2185] Because those are the ones that eat zebras and shit.

[2186] Yeah, they're going to eat everything.

[2187] They're going to be eating.

[2188] Watch, hide your kids, hide your wife.

[2189] Yeah, they don't, definitely.

[2190] They'd be raping everybody in here.

[2191] Remember that guy?

[2192] He, I mean, he, this is what I'm saying.

[2193] He found Elaine and he capitalized off of that little moment.

[2194] He did for a little bit.

[2195] Yeah, for a hot minute.

[2196] And now we know who he is by just saying a phrase.

[2197] Yeah.

[2198] I met him.

[2199] You did?

[2200] Yeah, I met him at one of the UFCs.

[2201] Oh, that's wild.

[2202] Was he a gentleman or?

[2203] Very nice guy who's super confused about his life.

[2204] I'm sure.

[2205] What the fuck is going on here?

[2206] Why am I here?

[2207] Everybody knows me. Like he went from being just a regular guy Talking about break -ins Yeah, he was on the news They interviewed a dude on the news And he was so funny That he became like a viral star And then next thing you know Like Dana White flew him out to the UFC We were hanging out with him backstage That's hilarious It was like what is this life Wow How about that like cash me outside girl She is a She's a rich as fun She's a rapper She's got like 20 million followers on Instagram Dude And she's rapping She's got a giant billboard on sunset One of them buildings where they have the whole thing.

[2208] Body B -B -B -B -B -Bad -Bad -Bad -Bad -Bad -Bad -Bad -Baddy -Baddy -Baddy -Bee -Baddy -Boo, whatever fucking name is.

[2209] But, you know, sometimes when I work out, I put female rapper station on Spotify and she pops up.

[2210] Look it.

[2211] Look at his hair now.

[2212] Live in your truth.

[2213] I love it.

[2214] Wait a minute.

[2215] Hold on a second.

[2216] Formerly gay.

[2217] Yep.

[2218] Antoine Dodson announces his baby boy's birth after expressing his desire to get married.

[2219] That's a confusing headline, but live it.

[2220] Do it.

[2221] He formally gay.

[2222] Well, you know.

[2223] He looks great there.

[2224] You should be open to change.

[2225] People who should be, do you think that someone can be gay and then that it could switch over?

[2226] Absolutely.

[2227] And they stop being gay and they start being attracted to women.

[2228] Absolutely.

[2229] Why not?

[2230] We're on a dot suspended in nothing that's expanding.

[2231] Why not?

[2232] Why not?

[2233] Why is that so stunning to think, right?

[2234] Like, what?

[2235] Is that possible?

[2236] Because I think what you just said, people exist, some people exist in these comfortable bubbles.

[2237] And they have the routines, and they fear change because of the exhaustion, because of what it takes.

[2238] And then when they hear somebody else live in a life that's outside of their little bubble regimen, they freak out because maybe it reflects their own inability to change themselves or their fear of changing.

[2239] So I think a lot of that where people look at someone like Antoine Dodson who's in a wig and wears glitz or like, what's that?

[2240] First of all, you don't know that's a wig.

[2241] That's hurtful.

[2242] It could be his real hair.

[2243] Did I trigger you?

[2244] Do you have his hair sensitivity?

[2245] An exact same hair as Beyonce.

[2246] It's his real hair.

[2247] I think the same thing when I wake up.

[2248] She's real too, by the way.

[2249] That's a real woman.

[2250] Respect.

[2251] Yeah.

[2252] Better watch out.

[2253] Those hips will snap you.

[2254] You can turn on people that way by bringing something up that they didn't even say.

[2255] And then saying, don't ever fucking say anything about her.

[2256] Right.

[2257] But I didn't.

[2258] You're like, what the hell happened?

[2259] All of a sudden you're on a defensive.

[2260] Be careful people like that.

[2261] People are crazy.

[2262] They are sneaky.

[2263] And I know what you're going to say next.

[2264] You're going to say.

[2265] Yes.

[2266] That's mental illness.

[2267] You're going to say that Donald Trump is a strong leader.

[2268] What?

[2269] I wasn't going to say that.

[2270] You're like, wait a minute.

[2271] You're going to say that we need border security.

[2272] I know what the fuck you're doing racist.

[2273] You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're like, I'm just trying to have a conversation here.

[2274] I mean, we need some border security, don't we?

[2275] What the fuck?

[2276] God damn it.

[2277] People get mad.

[2278] Go down that wormhole with crazies.

[2279] Dude, do you ever see what the border looks like in Canada, the middle of the forest?

[2280] I would imagine just like maple syrup fountains.

[2281] No, it's paved.

[2282] It's like, not paved.

[2283] It's like trimmed.

[2284] All the trees are trimmed.

[2285] trimmed and it's like a hundred yards wide there's like a path that's a hundred yards wide that is like the border between us like say if this table was like barren and there's forest on this side and forest on that side that's what the path is like the entire length of the connection between the united states and canada that's a that's trippy also did you just call me barren no i didn't i said it's barren not you i was like true probably that's wild have you seen it in person No, no, I know.

[2286] I just found out about, like, two weeks ago.

[2287] That's really cool.

[2288] Crocodiles apparently can't regrow their limbs.

[2289] Oh, that's a bummer.

[2290] Are you sure?

[2291] I just looked at it up.

[2292] Even their tails?

[2293] Other amphibians can, but crocodiles and alligators can't.

[2294] I guess they're not.

[2295] They can live without a limb or two, it says, but they can't regrow.

[2296] That's a bummer.

[2297] You would think they would because you would think, like, genetically they're similar, like, salamanders.

[2298] I saw on a couple websites.

[2299] I mean, I'm not, I'm not the scientist here.

[2300] Well, we know you aren't because he's sitting right here.

[2301] I'm not a scientist.

[2302] There can't be two scientists.

[2303] I like to be a doctor of something though.

[2304] It sounds good.

[2305] You're a doctor of comedy.

[2306] Look that.

[2307] There's one picture of it.

[2308] Wow.

[2309] That's the path.

[2310] That just looks like a power line path.

[2311] It looks like cocaine.

[2312] It does like a big line to see.

[2313] Yeah.

[2314] It's just snow.

[2315] Look it is no touching zone.

[2316] I have the no touching zone too.

[2317] That's the zone right there.

[2318] That's my, that's all my zones.

[2319] Isn't that crazy?

[2320] That's the border between the U .S. That's beautiful.

[2321] That's beautiful.

[2322] If you go up there, that is God's country.

[2323] That is so spectacular.

[2324] I would love to blaze a blunt and walk that whole fucking thing it'll freak you out do you ever go hiking deep in where you got no cell phone reception and you get to i'm not like where it's that deciduous but like in you know like you deciduous second big word of day shut up jo rogan i know i'm in overalls but i am somewhat well read i'm a fucking doctor i forgot you were a doctor i'm a doctor i like to be a doctor of something i feel you're a doctor of comedy for sure i don't it though there's no there's no i know there's no mastery you and i've talked about this before and you know i said something like i don't know you were like how's comedy i'm like i'm just trying to figure it out you're like none of us ever will i i'm not saying that like you're the end of it but i think i was watching you on stage at the comedy store and and hingecliff was next to me and um you know you're doing your set killing and having a having a great show and this woman yells out in the middle of a joke and you just kept fucking going you were so disciplined you didn't miss a you didn't acknowledge her you didn't give her any sort of energy or attention you just were so like in your joke and i i just looked at tony and he was like i know everybody else would have went to her evade you know totally just like abandoned their joke and messed up the flow but you just in that day i was like damn i need to i need to stick to my jokes more than like indulging people who are yelling at me from the audience sometimes you have to indulge it and sometimes they are also going to ruin it for the people around them.

[2325] That's the number one thing to, like, when people go, yeah, you just can't fucking hang.

[2326] Like, people have said that to, like, Chris DeLeo, this lady called him, what did she say?

[2327] She goes, you're a planner, not a comedian.

[2328] A real comedian can deal with someone yelling something out.

[2329] Okay.

[2330] Chris told her shut the fuck up and get out of there, and they kicked her out.

[2331] And that was her thing that you're a planner.

[2332] A planner.

[2333] A planner.

[2334] It's right now that I'll text Chris DeLea out of nowhere.

[2335] You're a fucking planner, bro.

[2336] You're such a planner.

[2337] Comedians are the most unorganized people ever, if anything, they're the worst planners.

[2338] Sometimes you have to address them.

[2339] Sometimes you do.

[2340] The real problem is that they're fucking it up for the people around them.

[2341] They think they're just interacting with you, but they're not take any consideration in the fact that even if you don't like what someone's saying, let them say it because there's 300 other fucking people in the room.

[2342] And you don't get to the side.

[2343] You're not the program director.

[2344] You don't get to decide what you like or don't like.

[2345] Just because you're in front of that person, you yell something out.

[2346] if the whole audience is sitting there watching the performance and the guy's working his way through some material or the woman, by the way, sorry.

[2347] Let them fucking finish their shit, man. Do you find you have, which gender yells out more or is it equal?

[2348] Oh, it's equal.

[2349] It's just dummies.

[2350] Equal men to women.

[2351] Yeah, it's just drunks.

[2352] Really?

[2353] Yeah, I'd say for me, it's been like 95 % women.

[2354] I think I'd probably say, maybe there's a little bit of an advantage a little bit of a number difference in favor of men doing it obviously you probably have a more male dominated audience than I would yeah but guys bring their girlfriends the girlfriend's like fuck him you're always listening to him he's a fucking idiot he's an asshole do you really believe what he's saying enough people just listen you can get confused and think you know what the fuck you're talking about that's what he is that's exactly what he is Just because a lot of people are listening to him Doesn't mean he knows what the fuck he's talking about And you worship him like oh my god Do you love him?

[2355] Are you in a bromance?

[2356] Is that what's going on?

[2357] You should be embarrassed of yourself It's sad I don't give a fuck what Joe Rogan thing Stop bringing that up God, he's gross Disgusting he's very angry Ew He looks like a man ape Ew Ew Also the appeal Is that you look like a man ape Well I get it gals I don't want to listen to fucking terrible were Swift songs either I get it you know if you're in the car and she's like haters gonna hate you rock out to Taylor she's got a few songs that are not bad you've got daughters in your house I know you dance to Taylor Swift I probably have if I've been hammered the thing is it's like it's not my thing it's not like what I would listen to all the time it's not my go -to you know and people have different go -toes doesn't make it right or wrong but if you get dragged and if you get dragged and if someone else's go to grin and bear it anybody ever take you to a musical, Jesus, fucking Christmas.

[2358] It's a thing.

[2359] I went to, the one musical, I went to like three musicals.

[2360] One of them I only went to, because Stamos was in it.

[2361] Do, do, do.

[2362] You should tell everybody, Jesse May might have a bit of a stalker issue with John Stamos.

[2363] It's stalker -esque.

[2364] I am not stalking.

[2365] He's a very nice man. He reached out to me when my father passed.

[2366] He was very nice to me. He sent a message.

[2367] He was very, very nice.

[2368] Well, but all joking aside, you do have about 100 Photoshop's of you with John Stamos in various positions in bed on a plane together, on vacation together.

[2369] I'm sorry, Caitlin, Hugh.

[2370] It's obviously just jokes.

[2371] My fans make, you know, they superimpose me. I find a photo of his that's funny and I'm like, put me in this.

[2372] There's one where he posted a picture of him on bed, like from like the full house era.

[2373] I was like, somebody put me on the bed.

[2374] And then I apologize to Caitlin.

[2375] I always apologize to his wife and child.

[2376] I mean, for the most part, I try to.

[2377] It's a joke, but it's a long -running joke that you've been doing for years now.

[2378] Are you kidding me?

[2379] Like, I loved him as a kid, and I told this story before, but I have a, I had a poster of him above my bed as a kid that I literally kissed so much I wore a hole in his mouth.

[2380] Don't you be rude.

[2381] Don't you be rude, Joe Rogan.

[2382] You never licked something to its completion.

[2383] Dude, you ate through the paper.

[2384] Were you using tongue?

[2385] Were you licking it?

[2386] I was obviously doing all.

[2387] of the things.

[2388] Okay.

[2389] All of the things.

[2390] Yeah.

[2391] But I went to a musical.

[2392] He was in Bye Bye Birdie.

[2393] Very delightful, very talented, man. And then I went to a couple others, but they are, I fell asleep in the other ones.

[2394] They're ruthless.

[2395] They are, and the intermission kills me. It's like, why don't we just get it done?

[2396] Let's just go straight through.

[2397] Yeah.

[2398] I think I would have liked to see the book of Mormon.

[2399] That's like, you know, that's the exception.

[2400] I saw that.

[2401] It's awesome.

[2402] Yeah.

[2403] It's hilarious.

[2404] They're geniuses.

[2405] Those guys are geniuses.

[2406] Yeah.

[2407] It's just really well read, too, or really, well written rather.

[2408] It's really funny It's a really good story And they have information in there They obviously did their homework But I saw cats once When I was on a date I was like 19 Fuck that Fuck cats in general Who cats are scary in real life Why you want to go see them sing And they're standing upright That's a nightmare You're a dog person Not a cat person I would like a hairless cat I would like a sphinx I think they're cool They shit in a box in your house Perfect so do I I'm gonna change my toilet To be Roman Fuck you I'm gonna shit in a box A bucket Yeah they shit in a box but that's a great thing.

[2409] It's gross.

[2410] Sometimes my dog's crap on the carpet if they're, you know, irritable.

[2411] But cats are weird, man. Cats, I don't know if you can trust a cat.

[2412] You can trust some cats.

[2413] You have a couple cats, don't you?

[2414] You got a fucking zoo.

[2415] I'm so jealous.

[2416] I want to come over and just pet everything in your house.

[2417] Two of my dogs died recently.

[2418] Oh, I'm sorry.

[2419] Within the last, I guess it was probably almost a year now.

[2420] It was Marshall said?

[2421] He didn't understand what was going on.

[2422] He looks like he's just pure joy and happy.

[2423] He is.

[2424] All the time.

[2425] He's the happiest talk about it.

[2426] He's so, he brings me joy.

[2427] I just started following him on Instagram.

[2428] He's so happy.

[2429] I follow your dog on Instagram.

[2430] He's my buddy.

[2431] He's, it's so weird.

[2432] You can see you guys have a straight bond.

[2433] He's so affectionate.

[2434] Do you run him off leash in the morning when you go?

[2435] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[2436] No, no, he's been, he's got tick medication that he's taken, but we have caught him with a couple of ticks on him.

[2437] With all that luxurious hair, those ticks are probably like, Woo!

[2438] We struggle, bitch!

[2439] He loves it, though.

[2440] He never seen anything in his pure joy as that dog is like running through the canyons He just loves it He's so happy How do you keep him so clean?

[2441] I mean I know you got that like Joe Rogan experience money But he is luxurious It's called water Well I mean Everyone else Pet owners have water And I've seen these mangled beasts People won't take care of their animals They really don't And they wonder why they lash out Marshall's not like For cats when you die Cats will start eating your face In like 16 hours Dogs wait about a week That long Yeah they probably don't even wait that long Dogs wait about a week Yeah They love you a little bit more They won't eat you right away way.

[2442] I don't even know if Marshall would eat you.

[2443] I think he'd wait.

[2444] Probably wouldn't even know what you were.

[2445] Probably wouldn't understand it.

[2446] He would just keep throwing balls at you, just rolling him over to you.

[2447] He would just whine.

[2448] He woke me up yesterday.

[2449] It was fucking really annoying.

[2450] Whining you?

[2451] He just decides to get up.

[2452] Like, I got home from the comedy store at like two, and then I watched some goofy, I've been on this UFO documentary kick.

[2453] Watching UFO documentaries?

[2454] Yeah, I told you it was David, I started talking about it.

[2455] Yeah, we were talking about that.

[2456] What were you?

[2457] Did you?

[2458] Did you?

[2459] have something specific that you saw recently in the documentary?

[2460] One of them is Area 51, Bob Lazar and Area 51 and Flying Saucers.

[2461] It's a documentary on this guy who claimed that he worked on these alien ships in Area 51 in the 1980s.

[2462] Oh, it gave me chills.

[2463] As time's gone on, more of the things that he said have proven to actually be true.

[2464] Like what?

[2465] Including an element that he talked about, element 115 i think it was called like a organism from outer space no no no an element like a man created element you know like this carbon right yeah well there's an element that they created that he talked about way before it was ever publicized and he talked about this thing and then it turned out to be true he talked about these um there's these um uh hand monitors that you would put your hand on this thing and these lines these metal lines would detect the distances in the bones of your fingers the exact distances and everyone is different it's like a signature thing and that they could find out if it was you or not you that was trying to go through so the way they would scan people the bioscan would literally measure the bones in their fingers and people said that was horseshit he talked about this in the 1980s people said it was horseshit but then later on turned out no they did have that in Los Alamos they did have that in Area 51 and that this technology was very very advanced not just it very advanced but very not it was not well known at all like very few people did this guy who was creative of this documentary was very difficult for them to get photos of this hand scanner but this hand scanner did exist and existed exactly as this guy described it in the 80s I mean that's super progressive for that time there's also people that did approve his top secret clearance to get to this place they know that he actually worked there there's people that worked in the same Los Alamos lab with him.

[2466] They tried to say he never worked there, but his name's on the manifest.

[2467] It's very strange.

[2468] It's like they've tried to erase parts of this guy's past because he filmed a bunch of their crafts as they were flying around.

[2469] Like, he knew what days.

[2470] This is the thing.

[2471] That thing right there, you put your hand on that, and it actually measures the distance of the size and length of your bones.

[2472] That looks like something that's inside of an escape room in L .A. It does.

[2473] It's hilarious.

[2474] It's so true.

[2475] Doesn't it?

[2476] I went into this documentary skeptical.

[2477] As you should.

[2478] Yeah, but I'm so done with all those things.

[2479] But listen to this guy talk for a while.

[2480] After a while, I was like, what if he's telling the truth?

[2481] Like, what if he is actually telling the truth?

[2482] Because if he's actually telling the truth, there is some part of the government that had access, at least in the 1980s, to alien technology.

[2483] I mean, it probably is some truth to that.

[2484] Crazier things have happened.

[2485] And also, like, just your mentality of believing him is probably the, the same thing that made Dr. Malachi Lovejoy Robinson III become successful.

[2486] A con artist?

[2487] Yeah.

[2488] I mean, either this dude, there's validity of what he's saying in this documentary, which I can't wait to watch, or he's just really great at painting a picture.

[2489] Some people are so good at convincing you of truths.

[2490] True.

[2491] There's, you know, people with like borderline personality disorder and every sort of spectrum in between there, they become really good manipulators.

[2492] That is true.

[2493] However, usually they do that in more than one.

[2494] Avenue.

[2495] Absolutely.

[2496] And this guy's not doing that.

[2497] Yeah.

[2498] So if it's just a documentary, then...

[2499] Yeah, also hasn't varied his story.

[2500] Like, I mean, he might have, like, changed the way he says things in terms of, like, the words he chooses.

[2501] But the actual story is exactly the same as he was telling a long time ago.

[2502] Is this a self -produced documentary?

[2503] Or is there a production company involved?

[2504] No, production company involved.

[2505] See, that's where it's like, hmm, okay, there's probably some validity to this.

[2506] But this guy's been around for a long time.

[2507] I remember reading about him and watching videos about him, you know, 20 years ago.

[2508] I mean, don't you think you're somebody who, you said, you said, You know, and I know this about you, you love space.

[2509] You're obsessed with that, the idea of what we are in the solar system and beyond.

[2510] Like, how impossible is it to think that there could be a creature that could breach our atmosphere with some advanced technology and be able to just sort of chill, you know, scoot around, scoot, scoots, magoots, check us out and fucking peace out back up to wherever they're from.

[2511] I don't think that's how they would do it, but yeah, I know what you're saying.

[2512] You know exactly.

[2513] They scoot, scoots, scoots, scoots, magoots.

[2514] Yeah, they just kind of cruise around, you know.

[2515] They're looking at us.

[2516] Well, he had an interesting analogy.

[2517] He said, if you brought an atomic engine to these people that live in the Victorian era and said, hey, this is a nuclear power plant.

[2518] Like, here, check this out.

[2519] They would fuck with it.

[2520] They'd wind up getting sick from radiation.

[2521] They'd wind up dying.

[2522] No one would understand what it was or how it worked.

[2523] They would never figure it out.

[2524] Right.

[2525] He goes, why would we assume.

[2526] that this is only from that one time with this one device.

[2527] Why wouldn't we assume that there would be some other technology that maybe we'll create someday in the future?

[2528] I'm paraphrasing him very poorly.

[2529] Yes, it's okay.

[2530] Or someone else from another planet would create that we wouldn't understand at all.

[2531] And he said, that's what we were dealing with when we're trying to back engineer the propulsion systems that these things use.

[2532] They use some gravity -based propulsion system.

[2533] And it was something that would manipulate gravity in front of it.

[2534] It's very, look, I don't, I'm too stupid to know the science of it.

[2535] I don't know if he's telling, like, if you were a scientist, you're supposed to know these things.

[2536] Not yet, I have to get my degree.

[2537] Joseph Rogan.

[2538] You need to get a degree so I can call myself a doctor.

[2539] You should.

[2540] I just want to get an honorary one like Cosby had.

[2541] It's gone now.

[2542] He doesn't have it, he doesn't have it anymore.

[2543] They took that shit back.

[2544] The honorary ones, they could take back.

[2545] Yeah, take them back.

[2546] He can't keep those.

[2547] Yeah.

[2548] He can't keep that.

[2549] Actually, I think he wrote an essay, and that's how they gave him his doctorate.

[2550] I mean, gross.

[2551] Probably got more than one doctorate.

[2552] I'm sure he did, and he didn't deserve them.

[2553] But I think, I mean, there's got to be stuff out there.

[2554] Oh, 100%.

[2555] A hundred percent.

[2556] But I like to say there's not.

[2557] It's like, ah, stop.

[2558] You think this is just it?

[2559] No, no, I don't think it is.

[2560] But it is entirely possible.

[2561] I use that phrase too often.

[2562] And it's entirely possible?

[2563] You've got to get a mashup of all of those.

[2564] Oh, it's already out there.

[2565] Yeah.

[2566] It's hilarious.

[2567] It's like 150 ,000 of them.

[2568] That needs to be on a shirt.

[2569] It's possible that we're the most advanced.

[2570] That's possible too.

[2571] Because something has to be the most advanced.

[2572] Absolutely.

[2573] And something has to be the least.

[2574] We could also be on that part of the spectrum.

[2575] Maybe we're the last to evolve.

[2576] It's 100 % possible.

[2577] If there's an infinite number of life forms out there.

[2578] Like if there's an infinite number of planets and there's an infinite number of Earth -like planets that can, you know, have beings like us on it.

[2579] Who's to say that we're not the most advanced?

[2580] Maybe they're all like people from the 1820s.

[2581] Yeah, they haven't caught up to us yet.

[2582] They're still chisling shit.

[2583] They're still doing, you know, stone and chisels.

[2584] But I'm talking like old, old shit.

[2585] They don't even have pens and papers yet.

[2586] Like the orangutang that was fishing with a spear.

[2587] Exactly.

[2588] There's just a bunch of advanced orangutans that are like, you know, put in hieroglyphics in caves.

[2589] It's possible.

[2590] It is very possible.

[2591] It's totally possible.

[2592] Because we're just basing it off of our own experience and perception of what we have been exposed to.

[2593] We have no idea.

[2594] You know, the other really interesting scenario is that they're time travelers.

[2595] Oh, that's really, that's exciting to think about.

[2596] What they are is some being from the far distant future that understands that they could come back and observe us and see like where things went wrong, where things went right, but do so in a way that's as minimally intrusive as possible and occasionally interfere with things.

[2597] That gives me chills.

[2598] That freaks me out.

[2599] Once you start fucking with time in our perception of it and how it exists and like being able to hop along that spectrum of it, it freaks me the fuck out.

[2600] There's this movie I saw called a ghost story and it's not a horror movie.

[2601] It's kind of about that.

[2602] Is that Patrick Swayze?

[2603] No. No. It's a Casey Affleck in Runa Mara, I think.

[2604] Rooney Mara.

[2605] Whoopi Goldberg wasn't in it?

[2606] She wasn't a...

[2607] No, that's ghost.

[2608] Oh, I miss Patrick Swayze so much.

[2609] Do you miss him?

[2610] I miss him.

[2611] He's one of those actors I loved.

[2612] If you could bring Patrick Swayze back and take away your full house boy?

[2613] How dare you?

[2614] What's his name again?

[2615] Joseph Nathaniel Rogan.

[2616] I don't know.

[2617] That's a tough call.

[2618] I mean, Swayze gave us, he gave us dirty dancing.

[2619] He gave us, look at that.

[2620] Beautiful face.

[2621] What a beautiful man, he could move those hips.

[2622] That was when he was a surfer, remember?

[2623] That was point break.

[2624] Yeah, he was the rebel surfer.

[2625] Dude, do you remember the video on Saturday Night Live of him and Chris Farley doing the Chippendale's audition?

[2626] Iconic.

[2627] That's iconic comedy.

[2628] That is like such a great crossroads between beauty and the beast.

[2629] He went Chris Farley.

[2630] Chris Farley put it all out on the table during this sketch.

[2631] It is so funny.

[2632] I miss, I really do miss Patrick Swayze, but I...

[2633] Crazy that he was so fit, but yet he smoked cigarettes.

[2634] Did he really?

[2635] Yeah, he died of cancer.

[2636] He probably smoked cigarettes to stay fit.

[2637] Some people get stuck in that, you know, they are afraid of letting it go because they think it helps with their physique and maintaining the look.

[2638] Oh, a lot of models do that.

[2639] Staying skinny.

[2640] Yeah.

[2641] Because, you know, it's an upper.

[2642] Yeah.

[2643] Increases your heart rate and all that and whatnot.

[2644] It also kills your appetite, I think.

[2645] Totally.

[2646] Kills your taste budge.

[2647] You can't taste anything.

[2648] Everything is destroyed.

[2649] Maybe you should smoke.

[2650] That's the only way you should lick ass is by smoking cigarettes so you don't taste it.

[2651] Imagine if you kept you from getting those brain cysts, like you have to.

[2652] You have to choose.

[2653] God, this is brutal, dude.

[2654] You're making me lose stamos and get hookworm?

[2655] I'm just saying, stamos for Swayze.

[2656] Stamos all day, bro.

[2657] Stamos for life.

[2658] Sorry, Swayze.

[2659] See you on the other side.

[2660] Whoopi and I will be messaging you later.

[2661] Stop for a moment and really reconsider what you're saying.

[2662] Think about the great films that Swayze provided us with.

[2663] Okay, I will say.

[2664] You fucking selfish bitch.

[2665] I will say.

[2666] Finds entertainment falls in my shoulders.

[2667] Dude, road house.

[2668] I know.

[2669] I know.

[2670] And, like, also, you know.

[2671] Road house.

[2672] I know.

[2673] Now I feel bad.

[2674] Well, when you look at his IMDB, come on, dude.

[2675] Put that poster for Roadhouse, please.

[2676] You're either going through 10 seasons of full house or road house.

[2677] You have a choice.

[2678] Either full house or road house.

[2679] Oh, no. It's full house or roadhouse.

[2680] Dude.

[2681] I mean, okay.

[2682] Indulgently and selfishly, it's stamos, but on an overall spectrum, it's suasy all day.

[2683] For mankind.

[2684] I will, I'm sorry, Caitlin.

[2685] I'm going to have to go with Sway's.

[2686] Sway's all day.

[2687] That's what we said we were going to start doing, Jamie, is doing, like, fight companions for, like, terrible movies.

[2688] Oh, Swayze against Stamos.

[2689] We should get barbecued and play showgirls.

[2690] That just had its 25th anniversary.

[2691] You have to.

[2692] People don't even know.

[2693] Dude, Showgirls is a cult classic.

[2694] It's an amazingly bad movie.

[2695] It's so epically bad.

[2696] It's kind of like what, how?

[2697] how I felt when I watched the dirt recently.

[2698] It ended this gal's career.

[2699] It did it?

[2700] Basically.

[2701] Not at all.

[2702] Didn't it?

[2703] No. Did she take off after that?

[2704] She stayed pretty plateaued.

[2705] But she was on her way to being a gigantic superstar.

[2706] She was the star of this movie.

[2707] She's super hot.

[2708] She's half naked.

[2709] I think she took this movie.

[2710] I'm speculating, but I thought she took this movie because it was going to be the next thing.

[2711] and it ended up being such a brutal failure that maybe, I don't know, it's so good it's so bad, it's good.

[2712] It's crazy.

[2713] And it's got great actors in it too, like Kyle McLaughong, Glockland.

[2714] Kyle McLaughlin.

[2715] That guy's a great actor.

[2716] It's epicly bad.

[2717] She's not a bad actress either.

[2718] Gina Gershaw!

[2719] Dude, she was in that.

[2720] She was amazing.

[2721] She was in Bye Bye Birdie with Stamos on Broadway.

[2722] She was amazing.

[2723] What's the cast?

[2724] Scroll back all the way up to the top?

[2725] That is a great cast.

[2726] Just go to the all not.

[2727] just images.

[2728] I mean, her body was amazing in this, obviously.

[2729] Yeah.

[2730] It's kind of like, remember Demi Moore when she did that stripper movie as well?

[2731] I thought I was going to say GI Jane.

[2732] Oh, she was amazing in GI Jane.

[2733] But didn't Demi Moore do a stripper movie, too?

[2734] My favorite part, G .I .J., Elizabeth Berkeley.

[2735] My favorite part in GI James was when she says, suck my dick.

[2736] I was like, hmm, strip type.

[2737] I need to put that on a t -shirt now.

[2738] She said suck my dick in that movie?

[2739] Yeah, she was like on her way to be in a Navy seal.

[2740] Oh, that's great.

[2741] She's doing all the GI Jane.

[2742] She's going through boot camp.

[2743] Suck my dick.

[2744] She said, suck my dick.

[2745] Strip T's.

[2746] Strip T's.

[2747] Dude, Dimee Moore's body and strip T's was all the things.

[2748] She was so banging in that movie.

[2749] She's so beautiful.

[2750] I don't remember.

[2751] Does this movie burn into your head?

[2752] It's just one of those movies that I remember.

[2753] She was like jacked in that movie.

[2754] And dancing very awkwardly.

[2755] The very awkward stripper dance that happened.

[2756] What's going on?

[2757] with that outfit that looks like she belongs on a wedding cake that's like something on a television show tonight show it looks like telemundo what do you think she's doing these days some people get super super famous where they're everywhere and then they go I'm done I think she's just chilling you think so I hope so I hope she's just chilling and just kind of you know what was she gonna do another movie maybe maybe in indie yeah absolutely she maybe she should do an indie I don't know because it would tap into a different era we haven't seen what are you a manager You're a manager and a doctor.

[2758] We're asking me where she's going to, where she is.

[2759] She's taking a break.

[2760] You know, we got a couple projects on the table.

[2761] I don't know what you're saying.

[2762] I don't know what she's going to do.

[2763] I don't know either.

[2764] I didn't expect you to like defend yourself that way.

[2765] Wait.

[2766] Maybe she's going to do an indie.

[2767] I don't know.

[2768] And I'm like, no one's pressuring you, Jesse May. This is marijuana.

[2769] You're still high.

[2770] I'm high.

[2771] I've been high for four days.

[2772] Who's your celebrity crush?

[2773] I don't have one.

[2774] You don't?

[2775] No, I'm good.

[2776] You don't have like a like a fantastic, you know, like a fan.

[2777] fantasy chick maybe madonna from the 80s wow she was young bold choice pointy bra but also you know that she was never going to get hooked on you she'd take off yeah you'd be like yeah okay well go do your thing take care you know you know i liked her because i knew she wouldn't like me yeah i knew she wouldn't like me for long that's that's a real strategy that men some men employ like this one's not going to last it's great that's that's an honest answer yeah it really is Yeah, that's the allure of the positive independent woman, powerful, positive, independent woman.

[2778] She's like, she's not needy.

[2779] She's not needy at all.

[2780] She's like, yeah, well, see ya.

[2781] There she is.

[2782] Dirty.

[2783] Yeah, look at that outfit.

[2784] That's madonna from the, that's all real, too.

[2785] Oh, yeah, that's from her closet, for sure.

[2786] She's in, like, dudes briefs and some, like, doilies on her legs.

[2787] And apparently, she liked the fuck, you know what I'm saying?

[2788] Oh, yeah, she liked to smash.

[2789] She had worn Beatty, Sean Penn. Bad boys.

[2790] Did you see this movie that this is the three identical strangers movie?

[2791] These are the twins that that documentary is about.

[2792] You haven't seen three identical strangers?

[2793] No, I heard it's amazing.

[2794] I almost brought it up the other day because you guys started talking about something.

[2795] I forget which podcast it was that this movie sort of bleeds into not spoiler alert because this movie's We can't spoil it, right?

[2796] Genetic testing type shit.

[2797] Yeah.

[2798] Back in the day, like in the 50s, right?

[2799] They were doing it like in the 50s and 60s in like an orphanage.

[2800] Yeah, I need to find some time to watch that because everybody recommends it.

[2801] Just when you think, like, a revelation happens and you're like, what the fuck?

[2802] And then another one happens, you're like, this has got to stop.

[2803] And then you're just like, holy hell.

[2804] And then it's just a thing where if somebody wants to get something done, sometimes they take really drastic measures.

[2805] It's selfish and it's terrible and it breaks all ethical, you know, rules.

[2806] But I don't know.

[2807] Did they do it at, well, we're spoiling alert.

[2808] It's fine.

[2809] It's been out for a while.

[2810] They do it as an experiment on these guys on purpose?

[2811] Yes.

[2812] There was a psychologist who wanted to find out stuff.

[2813] Who was running an orphanage?

[2814] Running an orphanage and withholding information from the families.

[2815] Oh, my gosh.

[2816] Just to find out how it would work out?

[2817] What they were doing was nature versus nurture.

[2818] They were seeing what effects it has in a child based on how it's raised.

[2819] Wow.

[2820] Also by the socioeconomic status of the fact.

[2821] family, about the neighborhood it's in, about the type of unit, the love, all of those factors and what results it has on the individual, right?

[2822] What don't you say, Jamie, that's kind of and the data, they have a bunch of data apparently somewhere and it never came out.

[2823] It's missing.

[2824] It's gone.

[2825] The files are just gone.

[2826] Years of them, basically ruining the lives of children and the effects of that is just dissipated into thin air.

[2827] It's such a heartbreaking story.

[2828] But it's also very interesting.

[2829] And that's what I'm saying.

[2830] Like, how would you ever never, not that that needs to happen, but there is a question.

[2831] I mean, you're a father.

[2832] How would you find out unless someone did something like that?

[2833] Right.

[2834] You would just guess.

[2835] I mean, we could look at like all the things that are happening in society, especially with like mass shooters and people who commit these random acts of violence and go back to their upbringing and they're rearing.

[2836] I'm pretty sure I would take a gander and I guess that they probably weren't raised with the most amount of love.

[2837] There's certain things that you don't really know how it's going to work out until you experiment.

[2838] Yeah.

[2839] And that's what I was saying.

[2840] like it's a little brutal but right well people are scared of that kind of thinking because that's where hitler came from yeah that kind of thinking like i mean you hear about some of the experiments they did on people oh man that was just scary this doctor supposedly i think came in with the operation paperclip oh jesus no way it goes that deep into it oh my god that's horrible it's it's it's it's you know operation do you know what operation paper clip was wasn't that something like a hitler thing back in the day with babies no no no it was nazi scientists that were taken from world War II.

[2841] So the United States took Nazi science, including Werner von Braun, who was the head of NASA, a bunch of other scientists and all these Nazis that were working for Germany making rockets and involved in like high level science.

[2842] They brought them over to America and sort of whitewash the whole thing.

[2843] They called it Operation Paperclip.

[2844] Holy hell.

[2845] Werner von Braun when he was at the head of NASA, he was a fucking legitimate Nazi.

[2846] The Simon Wiesenthal Center said that if he was alive today, they would prosecute him for crimes against humanity.

[2847] I feel like there's still, you know, there's still a sprinkling of people in there from that sort of background.

[2848] They've chased those guys down to the far ends of the earth and caught a bunch of them.

[2849] Those are very powerful positions to be in, to have that sort of mentality driving it.

[2850] That's scary as fuck.

[2851] For sure, you know what's really crazy.

[2852] It's Argentina.

[2853] Argentina and South America, a lot of Nazis went to Argentina and South America.

[2854] They fled Germany.

[2855] And Tim Kennedy, who's a good friend of mine, who's a former UFC fighter, who's a soldier, he was on a show called Finding Hitler, where there was, there's been speculation over the years because so many Nazis landed in South America that Hitler had escaped and lived out his life in, you know, protected by these other Nazis in these South American towns.

[2856] Is that?

[2857] Is there's towns in South America?

[2858] Do, there's towns in South America where they all they do.

[2859] is speak german they they have october fest they have uh photographs on their walls of their grandfather in s s garb that is very very scary oh dude it's crazy that's very scary he blew me away when i when i when he was telling me about this and he's a no nonsense guy so when he's explaining he's like you got to understand you're coming to these towns everyone is german oh my god they all look like germans they all talk german they all have german like houses and german like the like german style stuff in their house that's bizarre i mean that's that had to be what happened i'm a believer no no it no it's maybe not what happened to hitler right they're pretty sure they hitler died but i'm sure they they relocated that's definitely what happened no they did see if you can find that yeah jama'll find something that is so dude it'll blow you away this is this is south america look it looks like a german town it does look like a german town dude it's crazy there's a whole village of these fucking people i mean and there's not just one there's many many of these little little pockets that looks like an october fest bar that's really bizarre i mean that one looks a little japanese that well there's videos though it's really crazy they're drinking out of steins and like the whole deal that's really wild dude it's crazy well obviously we couldn't get them all i mean they had to flee somewhere yeah and they're gonna set up shop make it their you know make it their homogenous they saw the shit was about to hit the fan and said listen i know a place we can get some cool margaritas we can catch some fucking toasty waves let's do it y 'all want a day drink let's bring october fest south america that's wild i never knew that oh it's yeah i didn't know it either it's crazy that is really crazy jessie man i think there's too much to know there is too much to know but that's one of the great things about the the stuff you talk about on this is you got just like a plethora of information useless most of it's useless most of it's useless i don't know if it's useless Yeah, wasting time.

[2860] It's usually if you don't do anything with it.

[2861] Dude, I've been taking CBD with THC.

[2862] Oh, that's great.

[2863] T .HC delivers it.

[2864] Got a bit of a problem.

[2865] What's the matter?

[2866] I've been high every day for the last six days.

[2867] Same.

[2868] I pop these little tablets in the morning.

[2869] It's CBD and THC.

[2870] It's not a lot of CBD.

[2871] One to one?

[2872] Yeah, it's one to one.

[2873] Perfect.

[2874] It's amazing.

[2875] Yeah, that's, you know, they work with each other and they help, the THC helps deliver the CBD and vice versa.

[2876] You feel great.

[2877] Yeah, you feel balanced.

[2878] you feel like energized clear i don't know about you i feel clear no no problem in terms of like feeling foggy or fatigued no it's just the right amount but i fucked up and took one an hour before i went to bed last night i went to bed at a sensible time i knew i was going to do a podcast with jesse may i did as well i want to be awake and fresh and then i got you baked so that's fine but i went to bed and uh i had taken one like an hour or so before i was in bed i woke up two o 'clock in the morning bang ready to go freight train fill of ideas Was it panicking or did you write some stuff down?

[2879] I wrote that's cool I keep my laptop right now by the bed Right next to the bed I just near in the bathroom next to the bed Yeah I literally if Usually everyone's else sleep I grab the laptop and I just go into the other room And I just start writing but I keep it in the bag I put it right by my bed So if I have an idea in my head Twice I've written bits That came out to be like real Legitimate bits because an idea came to me while I was lying there and I said I got to just try this Yeah, I just run in the other room and I start writing and then boom, it becomes a bit not always I mean not always sure twice over the last year like legitimate bits have come out of just a random thought that it was Popping through my mind while I was laying in bed now were you uh were you on the marijuana's both times Yes I mean there's something to it definitely when you when you have a moment to escape because our brains like in on you dated with information all the time just daydreaming being bored that's where the creativity for me is the most active like getting a good nap or even just in a dream you think of something like in the shower driving those are where my ideas I've had this similar situation where I'm like oh this might be a good joke yeah that's the argument for ignoring phones too that you allow yourself to get bored and when you allow yourself to get bored then that's when these creative ideas would come like if you're in your car like that's the other thing about that little car that I was telling you about it doesn't have a radio oh that's great yeah no radio so you have to daydream yeah you're not just day you're it's like the you're tuned into the thing as you're doing it bra and you think about stuff like I used to come up with some of my best bits when I first started doing comedy when I was delivering newspapers I would deliver newspapers in the morning and out of my car chuck them out the window how old were you 21 wow and um when I was doing that I would come up with some of my best bits when I wasn't listened to the radio I was just driving around and then I'd have an idea what why is it that we what the fuck is this about yeah I would just be thinking to myself almost like those hours became productive they are yeah it's it's daydreaming is probably one of the most important things you can do for your brain especially for creative people and people in general you know I think when you're doing something that requires you to do something mechanically like driving even just washing your body paper route anything that you sort of have to do this like regular machine thing your brain sort of just can roam in the woods and just pick off little ideas off the trees and you know you're able to sort of give your brain a break yeah your brain doesn't always need to be stimulated externally that fuck no that that's probably one of the causes of mental illness that probably it is attributed to a lot of neurological issues down the road like probably yeah your brain it needs a break you know you know You know, those synapses can't be firing all the fucking time.

[2880] They got shit to do.

[2881] They got shit.

[2882] Give them a nap.

[2883] Give them a nap.

[2884] I'm exhausted.

[2885] You know, the brain needs a break.

[2886] But yeah, I definitely, I think of random things sometimes in the shower.

[2887] Yeah, you can do that while you're driving.

[2888] You can do that while you're in the shower, running.

[2889] Like, I like to run and listen to books on tape.

[2890] But sometimes I just like to run and just listen to my voice, just the breathing.

[2891] And then you get into this, like, meditated state.

[2892] Yeah.

[2893] Yeah.

[2894] That's deep.

[2895] Deep, bro.

[2896] Oh, it's so deep.

[2897] And on that note It's already noon It is?

[2898] Dude Fuck Yeah It was like three hours of hanging out with you And still it's not enough We started a little late Because we had some tri -crashcaster And we also started late Because you had me on these machines Oh that's a sponsor So right These are amazing I have like chronic stiffness In my neck from traveling And sitting awkward And Jamie was nice enough to Give me one of these Yeah they're awesome They're great for like releasing the weird hard to get muscles in your back you line that thing yeah digs in and it's it's like real light too you can carry it and take it with you it's some who's the first one was it um michael chandler told us about it yeah he was the first guy that it's for the so ass muscle to target it yeah that were the v were girls who like that v formation that muscle down there the dudes who have the v you probably don't get it because you're a guy yeah Jamie was talking about i think that's that's not a scientist.

[2899] Let's just go with that's what it is.

[2900] Wait a minute.

[2901] You're not a scientist?

[2902] I thought you were a scientist.

[2903] I'm still studying.

[2904] I haven't been a...

[2905] What kind of fucking podcast is this?

[2906] I am a goddamn doctor.

[2907] Jesse May, tell everybody how they can find you on the internet's.

[2908] You can find me. My website's jessie Mae .com.

[2909] I'm at Queefie Mae on Twitter.

[2910] Queefy May on Twitter.

[2911] You made fun of me because of that.

[2912] No, Instagram is...

[2913] Jesse Mae Paluso, and you can check out my Sharp Tongue podcast.

[2914] And she's touring all over the country, hilarious stand -up comedian.

[2915] My friend.

[2916] I love you so much.

[2917] I love you too.

[2918] favorites.

[2919] Thanks for having me on.

[2920] This was such an honor.

[2921] I'm glad we finally did it.

[2922] Yeah, thank you.

[2923] Bye fuckers.

[2924] I'm a scientist.