#1476 - Patton Oswalt

[0] Hello, everybody.

[1] I have an announcement.

[2] The podcast is moving to Spotify.

[3] I signed a multi -year licensing agreement with Spotify that will start on September 1st.

[4] Starting on September 1st, the entire JRE library will be available on Spotify as well as all the other platforms.

[5] Then somewhere around the end of the year, it will become exclusive to Spotify, including the video version of the podcast.

[6] It will be the exact same show.

[7] I am not going to be an employee of Spotify.

[8] We're going to be working with the same crew doing the exact same show.

[9] The only difference will be, it will now be available on the largest audio platform in the world.

[10] Nothing else will change.

[11] It will be free.

[12] It will be free to you.

[13] You just have to go to Spotify to get it.

[14] We're very excited to begin this new chapter of the JRE, and I hope you're there when we cross over.

[15] Thanks.

[16] All right, we're rolling.

[17] Pat and Oswald.

[18] How are you, fella?

[19] I'm good.

[20] How are you doing, man?

[21] It's good to see you.

[22] I wish I saw you right here.

[23] I wish I could give you a hug.

[24] I wish we weren't in the plague.

[25] I don't know.

[26] It is weird.

[27] It is very weird.

[28] I've been trying to do your show, you know, this for so long.

[29] My schedule is always insane.

[30] The drive for me is restrictive because I'm usually shooting something or doing voiceover, something.

[31] So it took a plague.

[32] I know.

[33] We see each other like ships passing in the night at the comedy store.

[34] That's my relationship with you.

[35] Exactly.

[36] I see you in the parking lot going in or I'm, going in you're coming out something we're in god how much do you miss just the just going in with a notebook of stuff and just trying it out see if it works it's making me appreciate everything you know the downside of it i mean i can look at the negative yes i miss it yes i'm frustrated but the positive side of it i appreciate everything i appreciate comics i appreciate just being able to talk to you i appreciate to be just having my friends that i can communicate with and just talking shit to each other and making each other laugh and saying horrible things over text messages.

[37] I appreciate that.

[38] I appreciate that.

[39] If this comes back, if we get to do stand -up again ever, I just feel like comedians are going to be so much more social and just happy to be with each other and appreciate the being around people where you can run jokes and they're honest enough to either tag something brilliant or tell you, dude, I know you think it's funny.

[40] It's so lame don't run down that road it's like I miss that so because I I'm trying to sit down and write every day I don't know what your process is my process is to write general ideas and then work them out on stage and then work them out with friends the sitting and actually writing it no matter how detailed I make it I don't know if it's funny or not to like get it up there yeah it's a weird disconnect isn't it?

[41] Yeah my process is very similar I write like an essay form and then I extract stuff out of that and I turn that into bits.

[42] Occasionally I don't write it at all.

[43] Occasionally an idea just comes and I start going with it and then I build it up on stage.

[44] That's rare though.

[45] Most of the time it comes from an essay.

[46] Yeah.

[47] And I also, I miss the deleting of stuff where you write something down or you have to, then your mind is awesome.

[48] And you go up on stage and the beginning part's great and the end part's great.

[49] And you're like, this whole middle section I thought I was going to be George Carlin and it's just I could lose all of that this bit and this bit and that's what it is.

[50] Yeah, it's a weird art form where I think the only art form that I'm aware of that you must have an audience in order to fully create it.

[51] It doesn't get created in a vacuum.

[52] No, and I logged on to some early Zoom open mics to watch them.

[53] I logged on hopefully thinking maybe they'll be, and I, five minutes in, I'm like, this is, oh God, this is awful.

[54] It's so bad for you.

[55] doesn't it so bad like when you watch someone who's really terrible it makes you think I'm never nothing's funny I can't do comedy it doesn't exist or you watch someone who you know is great but they're trying it over zoom and they're such mouth is dry talking 90 miles now and you're like maybe come maybe we shouldn't be doing this at all and people are going to record those sets too those those sets are going to be recorded Now, are you, you have a mix of people coming in live in person with you and then people doing it over remote, right?

[56] Yes, yes.

[57] Most people are coming in live and I test all those people.

[58] They come in, they get the test.

[59] But if you get the test in your negative, you can still get it, right?

[60] Well, you could get it right after you walk out the door.

[61] Right.

[62] I mean, it really depends on what you're being in contact with and what you're doing if you're smart.

[63] But, you know, thankfully everyone's honest.

[64] Like, no one said, hey, I don't feel so good.

[65] Maybe I shouldn't do this.

[66] That would be weird.

[67] We were real lucky.

[68] Everybody's been negative, but we tested a lot of people.

[69] Dan, who is Tim Dillon's producer, he had a false positive.

[70] And so we had to give him a second test, and we gave him a no swab, and it turned out he was negative.

[71] But it's, it's iffy stuff, you know, until we really can tell.

[72] And then what are you going to give up for them to know?

[73] Are you going to give up contact tracing?

[74] Are you willing to do that?

[75] Are you really willing to have something on your phone that shows who you've been in contact with and who your phone has come near and whether or not they're negative or positive?

[76] Like, ooh, that's a slippery slope.

[77] I don't like it.

[78] And also, are there ways, and this is, again, I know so little about it on a testing level, are there ways if you get tested that they can go, oh, you actually had it and you recovered from it?

[79] Yes, yes.

[80] Yeah, we do those too.

[81] Yeah.

[82] Yeah, there's two different.

[83] When you do an antibodies test, there's one line.

[84] that shows whether it's an active virus, and there's another line that shows that it's just the antibodies of a virus that you got and recovered from.

[85] And a lot of people that recover from it, apparently, they didn't even know they had it.

[86] They had no idea they had it.

[87] Yeah, I have a couple of friends who were convinced they had it back in January.

[88] They had every symptom that they talk about, and they just thought, oh, well, it's flusies, and I've got a shitty flu, and they recovered.

[89] But they don't want to go out and get tested right now because they don't want to go out so but a couple of friends feel like i had it so everybody thinks that everybody thinks that but here's the thing like all the old colds are still around like the common cold the flu all that stuff still around the flu's different every year still around it's like you you most likely didn't have it and you know yeah it's it's obviously a really fucked up disease if it gets you it's really fucked up and it's it varies so much it's so hard to feel confident one way or another it's so hard like I vacillate I go back and forth all day long like there's parts of my day where I'm not worried about it at all and there's parts of my day where I'm like fuck what if this mutates you know right or what if I just did something that I thought was safe and but now I've met the new strain and in two weeks ago remember how we told you to do this you actually need to be doing and it was and also the thing that freaks me out is they don't know what the long -term after effects are for this even if you recover from it they're thinking that there could be long -term bronchial issues respiratory issues they don't know yet yeah they really have no idea i was reading about this article in the times today about um children that get it get a particular type of uh inflammatory disorder um that's causing one kid was like 14 years old you got heart failure it's very rare at all the people that have gotten it it's like less than 200 people have got this disorder.

[90] Most children, when they come in contact with this disease, don't have an issue, but some of them do.

[91] And this one particular kid, basically, he was 14, he was having heart failure.

[92] And they don't know why.

[93] They don't know, like, it's not necessary.

[94] They used to think it was just a respiratory disease.

[95] And now they're like, well, what is this?

[96] So it's like these are new things they're trying to figure out as they go along.

[97] Again, we're talking about this now because we're going through this.

[98] I just feel like, and again, I don't like to present.

[99] the future.

[100] If we do get to go back doing comedy, I just feel like I'll never talk about this on stage.

[101] The last thing people are going to want to see on stage is my funny COVID story, which is going to be just a variation on everyone's funny COVID story.

[102] So there's no real, you know, I'm not going to inflict that on an audience.

[103] Well, if you go up 10th at the store on a Wednesday night, it's covered, bro.

[104] Yeah, someone has covered it way better than you.

[105] Yeah, move on.

[106] Let's move on.

[107] Yeah, I think it's one of those things that's going to be a real problem for comics.

[108] You know, I mean, I hear what you're saying, but on the other hand, someone will come along like a tell or someone will come along and have the perfect take on it.

[109] And you're like, oh, well, there it is.

[110] You know?

[111] Yeah, that checked off.

[112] Or, well, in the other end of the spectrum, like Joey Diaz will come up and do the rawest, most personal, uncomfortable, but also brilliant take where you're like, where you might actually have a unique story, but after hearing Joey, you're like, yeah, I don't need to share mine.

[113] Exactly.

[114] That's an interesting thing, right?

[115] Yeah, someone's going to have a crazy story that you're going to go, well, I don't need to tell.

[116] Yeah, someone will nail it.

[117] Yeah, and hopefully someone who's, I think first dibs go to people who caught it.

[118] Yeah, let them, yeah, if a comedian actually gets it, maybe they get to do the bit first.

[119] Yeah, like Michael Yo, Michael Yo almost died.

[120] I didn't know that Oh yeah He got it real bad Yeah He actually was here In studio The week before he went to New York He was burning the candle at both ends Flies to New York with no sleep Does radio Does all the promo shows Does everything Does stand up at Gotham Flies back with no sleep Drives the next day To Vegas And home from Vegas In the same day With his family Kids screaming then he has auditions for the next two days stressed out burnt out boom then it hits him and when it hit him it was he felt like shit then his friend uh while he was suffering one of his friends who was a doctor told him to take Advil because he said he had a headache because he gets migraines he takes Advil boom it goes off the deep end and then he gets it real bad and he was in the hospital for a week and the doctor you know they were talking about putting him on a ventilator this is the early days of the disease very early this is like uh beginning of march i think the febb end of february end of february beginning of mar i think somewhere around there but early early when they didn't really know his doctor's wise his doctor says if we put him on a ventilator his heart is just gonna his lungs are just going to give up and he could die so they don't put him on a ventilator then it turns out in new york city and they don't know if this is a correlation or causation obviously but 80 % of the people they put on the ventilators wound up dying and his doctor Yes, yeah, yeah Could be that they wound up dying Because they were so far gone They were going to die anyway Could be they were going to die Because of what this doctor said Because if you put people on a ventilator When their lungs are working And then the lungs don't have to work anymore They give up That's what his doctor was essentially saying Was going to happen to him If they put him on the ventilator So they didn't put him on it They put him on that hydroxychloroquine shit And he didn't react well to it it made him feel worse so he got off of that and then slowly got back to feeling better and better and to this day he's been out of the hospital I think a month and he can only do like two chin ups he's a really strong active like really healthy guy normally he can only do like two chin ups he's listless as very little energy just feel still feels like he's still struggling he came in he looked great he looked totally normal I would not know if he didn't tell me, but he still feels like he's got fatigue.

[121] Yeah, I mean, I'm sure the body battling that, it's like, okay, you need to shut down for a little bit.

[122] We can build you back up.

[123] You cannot go back to whatever your regimen is.

[124] Let yourself wind down.

[125] Another thing he had was a vitamin D deficiency.

[126] And I didn't know about that until after I did a podcast with Dr. Rhonda Patrick, and she was talking about studies that have been done in New Orleans and Indonesia and several different things.

[127] studies, one of the things they've shown is the people that are in critical care or in the ICU, there's a large percentage.

[128] In some cases, over 80 % of them are vitamin D deficient versus the people who have sufficient levels of serum vitamin C, vitamin D in their body.

[129] Those people, it's less than 5%.

[130] So it was 4 % of them that were in the ICU, the people with sufficient vitamin D and more than 80 % of people with deficient.

[131] And vitamin D is not just a vitamin and apparently, according to her, it's actually a hormone, and it regulates many things in the body, and most people are deficient from it.

[132] And in the United States, more than 70 % of people have insufficient levels of vitamin D, and 29 % are deficient to the point where it actually can cause medical issues.

[133] Real big deal.

[134] My doctor is like, take here, you take this vitamin D every day and go walk the sun, get some goddamn vitamin That's the best way.

[135] The best way is the sun.

[136] It's number one.

[137] Yeah.

[138] But if you can't get in the sun all the time, vitamin D supplements do work.

[139] You know, and I've seen people argue this, like really the best ways the supplements are bullshit.

[140] Like, no, they're not.

[141] They're okay.

[142] They're just not as good as the sun.

[143] Don't be stupid.

[144] Like, look, I get my blood tested.

[145] I take vitamins and I find out what my serum levels are.

[146] It works.

[147] You take vitamin D, you get higher levels.

[148] It's really simple.

[149] The sun is for sure better, though.

[150] No one's going to argue that.

[151] But for black folks, it's even harder because, you know, their bodies are designed with all that.

[152] melanin to observe you know they evolved in different climates and anybody brown anybody who's got darker skin they're used to warmer climates so they're out in the sun all the time so the body's protecting itself from cancer with the melanin but unfortunately it also prevents you from absorbing vitamin d as easily that's why people that live in places where it's really fucking cloudy or super pale because they're basically like a like a solar panel for vitamin d they're just sucking as much in, you know, so it's tricky for everybody, but it's particularly tricker, trickier for people with tan skin or darker skin.

[153] Like, you got to get that vitamin D in.

[154] It's so important.

[155] And it's one of many factors that they think are, is that play with people that get really sick from this disease, vitamin D?

[156] Yeah, well, that's, okay, that's another thing.

[157] Talking about the disease, it just, I reread guns, germs, and steel about the Spanish flu and the way that diseases, you know, rewire and reboot your body to benefit themselves and stuff.

[158] It's just, it seems like we're making the same mistakes at the beginning of the Spanish flu epidemic and that there's going to be an insane spike, which is where all of the real death and destruction happen with that.

[159] If that spike is coming, because of all of these half measures and all of these, I'm not wearing a mask, you know, like that defiant, I'm going out, I'm put, you know, and we're just, we have to brace ourselves for this other spike.

[160] that's coming.

[161] It could happen.

[162] But also what could happen is we could get an education on how to boost your immune system.

[163] I mean, one of the things that's really driving me crazy about this is there's nothing proactive about what we're being asked to do.

[164] Everyone's being asked to shelter in place.

[165] But somehow another, it's okay to go to the grocery store.

[166] It's okay to go to Target.

[167] It's okay to go to a lot of places.

[168] But it's not okay to go to some places.

[169] And I feel like people need to have the ability to take their own chances and need to have the ability to have the ability to to protect themselves like you need to give people the opportunity to work especially in in situations where you know you're you're dealing with people who their their entire life could fall apart over these couple of months where you tell them they can't work and there is there is a way to test people there is a way to sanitize there is a way to be safe there is a way to be smart about this there is a way to keep your immune system strong and we're only looking at keep away we're not looking at the whole spectrum of possibilities that we're can do here to move on?

[170] Obviously, anyone could be, should be allowed to take their own risks, except that in this case, in this scenario, you taking your own risks tips other people who might not want to take that risk into those areas.

[171] And I absolutely understand that someone's life could fall apart in two months if they don't work.

[172] That's, you know, I think that's more of a symptom of they're not being the social safety net that we have to have out there for these kind of situations.

[173] We're sort of seeing that in a very start.

[174] way but what I'm saying is if we don't follow these harsh because the other the other scary thing about the Spanish flu is it kind of the way we got over it is it kind of when it kind of just burned itself out and we need to burn it out of the population that way and it sucks that that's right now the only way we have to do it because we clearly don't have the testing capacity that you need no it's so weird it's all these back and forth like everything you say is right but we don't have the stuff to implement what you're saying like it's so frustrating well we don't have the stuff to implement what i'm saying right now but we do have we do have the information as far as like things you can do to boost your immune system make sure you get better sleep don't eat this don't do that but then you've got people that look you know many kids relied on school for food it's a huge problem right now that's a giant problem because there's a lot of poor kids who literally relied on school in order to get their meals in and now their family has to scramble and figure out how to come up with more money to feed these kids when they can't work like it's it's all madness these kids relied on school for food they relied on school for shelter for like a safe space to actually talk to a responsible adult some of them come from very bad home situations like and it just again all we do is cut money for schools yeah which where such a big part of the population is alive because of what the schools provide.

[175] And I don't think it has to come, I don't think it should come down to a billionaire's whim of what they want to give money to or not, or your local church, there should be some kind of structure so that people can have some dignity and not have to beg.

[176] Yes.

[177] And there's also stress that goes on to the living under the stigma of, oh, he's got to get the free lunch or, oh, they've got to get, you know, like, they're still, we're so anti -prone.

[178] poor in this country we treat poor people like they have a disease or something or they or that they've done something wrong and that can really fuck with kids psychologically growing up it really can and one thing that i would hope out of this is the shock of all being so vulnerable will make people a little bit more humble and hopefully hopefully dash some of the flames of materialism that have gone through our society during these soft times and people just getting really into shiny bullshit and just recognize like boy we live in a very finite state we don't have much time we have a very fragile yeah and we're waking up to that we we existed in a goldilocks period in this country you know from essentially from world war two on to here where there's a there's an instagram page history and they had this this really sobering post about imagine if you were born in the year 1900 and then it goes on to what would happen by the time you're X years old the Spanish flu starts by the time you're Y years old World War II and it just goes on and on and on and shows how fucking horrific it was for people who were born 120 years ago we're just we got lucky we hit a nice sweet spot where the waves weren't there it was nice and calm it wasn't too hot out and then we got cocky except it feels like now especially gen z is repeating a version of what people born in 1900 went through because they a lot of them remember oh my god it was 9 -11 and then now this they they actually remember a lot of yeah australia was on fire australia this year started with australia on fire that's how we rang in the new year and it's gotten so much worse did you ever see the size of the burned area of Australia?

[179] It's fucking crazy.

[180] I don't even...

[181] I think some people's minds shut down about that.

[182] They lost half a billion animals.

[183] Half a billion.

[184] And that's going to start becoming typical summers.

[185] That is going to become the norm if a radical, drastic change isn't made.

[186] But maybe, you know, you were talking about how, what if there was a shift in consciousness in terms of knowing how fragile and how precarious everything is.

[187] I think it would be really cool if America switched to, I don't mind America flexing its might and saying we're number one, but it would be so cool if we change that flex to like the way a small town gangster flexes and he goes, look at everyone here, if there's some old lady that's about to get evicted, I pay for it.

[188] Everyone in my five blocks is taken care of.

[189] Like, that's the brag.

[190] Yes, he drives a nice car and wears a suit.

[191] But it's that brag of my flex is no one in this country goes hungry, doesn't get medical care.

[192] And that's what we flex to the world.

[193] Instead of flexing, look at our billionaires, we have like 20 crazy rich billionaires.

[194] It's amazing.

[195] And instead of that, the brag should be that no one in America is, is in need and is desperate and is dying.

[196] That should be the weird jock flex.

[197] That'd be cool if we could shift to that.

[198] Batman.

[199] It's funny that you think we need a weird jock flex, but it's an interesting motivation, a weird jock flex.

[200] Yeah, but a jock flex can be used for good.

[201] You know what I mean?

[202] Like instead of using it, instead of directing it back on yourself, direct it outward and make that the thing like, hey, you know?

[203] Like, could you imagine if there was a high school where all the jocks, all the alpha jocks were like, no one gets bullied in my high school.

[204] If I see any bullying going on, shut that down.

[205] what if that was their flex i bet there's more of that today than you'd believe i bet there's a lot more than when we were growing up people are aware of it now well also especially because i think people are aware that uh kind of the nerd fringy uh weirdo kids tend to end up running the world so that's all being like they've seen enough examples of those guys tend to run things so yeah we're good yeah there's definitely that well one thing that we are realizing from this is that you know there's a lot of people that have that libertarian bent let the market decide you know we need a small government this and that when something like this goes down you realize oh you need structure you actually need a pandemic response team you need people to figure out a way to get food to folks you know we need to we need to plan like this can happen again it's very important visit any third world country after an earthquake and look at all the crumbled buildings with no rebar and go, do you really want no building inspectors and no regulations on it?

[206] Like, is that what you're fighting for?

[207] Because it'll all fucking crumble.

[208] Dude, I've had that argument with people, that stupid libertarian argument.

[209] I'm like, look, my dad's an architect.

[210] My stepfather's an architect.

[211] I grew up on construction sites.

[212] You have to have inspectors.

[213] If you don't have inspectors, man, you're fucked.

[214] Like, these guys are, there's a lot of dirt bags out there making houses.

[215] They're bad people.

[216] They're cutting corners and stealing money and watering down the cement.

[217] Like, the fuck out of here you can't can't let the market decide it takes too long too if you buy a house it takes years before it starts fucking up if they do a shitty job it's like two years in the inspectors are there to protect the people that are actually doing it correctly because a lot of times the people doing it correctly have got to go to subcontractors and subcontractors supply stuff and those people can be sketchy so if you don't have the inspector come by going oh this dude just ripped you off with substandard cementing oh fuck see because i have that guy's got 900 things he's got to do every day.

[218] So you need the guy in there and check it's about going, just doing it so that shit doesn't collapse on you.

[219] Well, the world is really complicated and people love simplistic answers and that less government answer.

[220] We don't need cops.

[221] We don't need cops.

[222] You know, I'm an anarchist.

[223] Oh, oh, you've never been robbed.

[224] I guess you've never been robbed.

[225] You've never seen a guy with a gun.

[226] Get the fuck out of here.

[227] You don't need cops.

[228] Of course we need cops, stupid.

[229] What are we going to do?

[230] All get together and put out the fires.

[231] We don't need firemen.

[232] Let's save our tax money.

[233] No, you need government.

[234] You need it.

[235] It's important.

[236] It just has to be effective and good.

[237] And sometimes, like, all systems, it has to be tested for flaws.

[238] And I feel like this experience has been a great test for our system.

[239] And it's flawed.

[240] It's fucked up beyond belief.

[241] Especially with, like, distribution of food.

[242] The food supply chain is, like, falling apart in front of our eyes.

[243] I know.

[244] It's 2020.

[245] I know.

[246] That should be happening.

[247] Nobody planned for this.

[248] We plan, they plan to make as much money as possible by selling as much food.

[249] as possible every single week and then they were basically spending all that money and investing all that money and distributing all that money they didn't have enough money for a couple of months off they don't have enough money right for anything to go sideways everything has to maintain well that will weirdly enough that might be something that comes out of this is what if people in the private sector start thinking more like people in show business or comedians because comedians act like every day is a rainy day except for a few idiots that we've seen And I remember coming up as a comedian, I started comedy as the boom ended.

[250] So I was very fortunate.

[251] What year did you start?

[252] 1988.

[253] Me too?

[254] Yeah.

[255] Where did you start?

[256] Boston.

[257] I started in D .C. Ah.

[258] Me and Dave Chappelle went up on the same night for the first time.

[259] No shit.

[260] That's wild.

[261] It was 14.

[262] I was 19.

[263] Wow.

[264] Yeah.

[265] But so that, okay, maybe you saw this then.

[266] At the end of the boom, they were.

[267] lot of comedians that for a time you could be not great and make a hundred grand a year because there were clubs everywhere and these guys spent money like i'm gonna make a hundred grand a year forever like this will be my base and then suddenly i was watching headliners getting cars towed i saw a guy get his house repossessed i came in and goes on the place they had to go crash on someone's apartment because they weren't and then i was told by a uh a younger guy whatever you make half of it you don't have just save it or put it away pretend like you're making half of what you're making and live on that that's how you live in this business that's very wise which is what i think that's how the world should be pretend act as if there's going to be this happening again and save for it it's hard to be a baller like that though dude if you want to be ball and if you want to like bling bling if you want to let everybody know then make the baller move to do that.

[268] Make that the baller move.

[269] You can, that's saying you have to look dressing sackcloth and have, you know, shoes made out of rope.

[270] But I'm saying, dress nice.

[271] Take care of your needs, not your wants, your needs.

[272] And then the baller move is, and I'm ready if shit goes south.

[273] Sounds like somebody hates fun.

[274] I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Patton.

[275] Dinner.

[276] Like, then I had that.

[277] You can't.

[278] Why am I sick the next day?

[279] You can't have both.

[280] No!

[281] The thing about comedians is we're all childish, childish and impulsive.

[282] Well, sometimes the thing that makes you very successful in comedy is to still be in touch with being a child and being over -emotional and over -sensitive to things.

[283] That's where some of the best material comes.

[284] oh for sure yeah and it's like you can maintain childhood like childhood instincts or childish notions while still being a responsible adult it is possible you can totally do both yes it can it can be done like i have a friend and he doesn't have kids and he said to me he goes i forget sometimes that you're a dad because you're such a fucking child and i'm like yeah but i'm actually responsible father yeah exactly i look i still get all round up about the new comic book releases or some viral things that's in line, just like a goddamn 20.

[285] But then I'm also like Alice vegetables and chicken and have a little bit of mac and cheese, but you got to eat all those first and whatever you have.

[286] You're like, there's still that.

[287] Then you've got to be the, and I think a lot of people end up being bad parents because they don't want to be uncool.

[288] And being a good parent means you're kind of uncool.

[289] Yeah, you got to get the man at you sometimes.

[290] You've got to establish boundaries.

[291] Yeah.

[292] It's tricky because you love them and almost they're like your little.

[293] friends but they're like can't i just do something like sometimes my daughter's this cute little trick she'll ask my wife first and then she'll say no but then she comes to daddy because daddy's the big softy and i'm like i don't see why not and then she's like dad says it's okay and then like oh alice uses that so brilliantly where she will because because um my wife meredith is such a great mom but she's very she was raised with very responsible parents and very Not strict, but just like, if I say this will happen, she's consistent both ways.

[294] If I say we're going to the beach on Saturday, it will happen.

[295] I will not flake out.

[296] If I also say no iPad for a week, you will not see that iPad.

[297] I won't flake either way.

[298] There's always consistency.

[299] And I'm just like you, my daughter knows to come to me and say, can I be?

[300] I'm like, I guess so.

[301] And now, although now she, to her, well, to our credit, she's done it so close.

[302] flumsily, then now we, whenever she asked something, we text it, and hang on, let me text mommy.

[303] And I can see her face like, damn it, like, you got it.

[304] And I'm like, hey, you can't do this to me, you know.

[305] Are you noticing that people are through this nonsense, or at least taking a little bit better care of their health, or recognizing that this is a real thing they need to invest in?

[306] Have you noticed that?

[307] I have noticed.

[308] I've noticed it myself that, unfortunately, a lot of this, a lot of the lockdown means you've got to eat.

[309] a lot of processed food because it lasts longer and you know that's how you make your your food dollar stretch um in a lot of ways and you see the immediate effects of not having fresh food and organic stuff in your diet very very quickly and and what i also especially hope is that people including me who again sometimes i forget my fucking privilege um and you go oh this is how people who don't have a lot of money are forced to eat and live and maybe make things better for them and there'll be less stress and anger and depression across the spectrum, you know?

[310] 100%.

[311] Yeah.

[312] I mean, that's what you were saying before about a flex for the whole, you know, like, we're taking care of.

[313] That is something that's really missing in this country in a big way, is that we'll spend a lot of money fixing up other places that we've blown up all over the world, but we'll spend no money trying to balance out Baltimore or South, side of Chicago or Detroit.

[314] It's like...

[315] Or we will do that.

[316] We will do it.

[317] And sometimes I'm guilty of this too.

[318] We will do it if there's a photo op and our name can be tagged in it.

[319] In other words, it's that thing.

[320] It's why I think a lot of political campaigns get hurt when celebrities try to do it.

[321] So instead of celebrities using their platform, they use their voice and their face.

[322] So it's like, me first for this person.

[323] But it's me for that.

[324] Right.

[325] And then people keep that go, I don't even know what they're talking about, but whatever they're talking about, I don't support it.

[326] Yeah, well, that's a problem, right?

[327] Especially if someone's annoying and they're attached to this presidential canyon, like, oh, that guy?

[328] Would you?

[329] Like, whenever I'm supported people now, I try to use my platform and not my voice.

[330] And I remember when I was at Sundance, when they had the Women's March, the day after Trump was inaugurated.

[331] I think it was January 21st.

[332] I was at Sundance.

[333] I was a judge on the short film panel.

[334] And I begged the organizers.

[335] I was like, please, please, please don't have the march here in Park City.

[336] Do not have photos of celebrities in front of the Vivian Westwood outlet in Park City, Utah.

[337] Because all that is is going to be fuel for the other side.

[338] Like amplify the marches that are happening in Charlotte, in Tuscaloosa.

[339] Because all those were happening.

[340] and half of the marches that got filmed were the ones where there were celebrities there.

[341] Yeah, that's a terrible idea.

[342] It's snagated everything we were trying to do.

[343] Like, what are you doing?

[344] You know, so, it drove me crazy.

[345] It really annoyed me. And also it annoyed me because sometimes I've been guilty of that.

[346] Because we're in this business because we're narcissists.

[347] And so part of it is, I want it to be me supporting this person, whereas it should be your platform and your audience supporting that person.

[348] And that's a very delicate line to cross.

[349] which I thumble all the time.

[350] We're at a point now where it's like, who the fuck would want to be president?

[351] Right?

[352] Who the fuck would want that job?

[353] Even if you have some good ideas, like, you have to go way out on a limb to take that job.

[354] So who are we getting?

[355] You know, we're getting young people that are idealistic and they get sort of Tulsie Gabbards and the like.

[356] They get kind of pushed aside by the machine.

[357] because they're not willing to play ball, and then you get to the ancient dinosaurs of the system, like Biden, and then on the other side you have Trump.

[358] We have this chaotic scene where the economy is imploding.

[359] Everybody's fucking terrified of this new virus.

[360] China might want to go to war with us.

[361] I mean, who knows what the fuck is happening with that?

[362] And then we have these two to pick from.

[363] You're like, this is madness.

[364] This is the best we can do.

[365] We're China's main trading partner.

[366] They're not going to go to war with us unless we cut off trade.

[367] So I think that's a nice paranoid thing.

[368] It's terrifying.

[369] But I don't think I don't think that'll happen.

[370] I don't think so either, but it still scares me. What, what, here's me being hopeful.

[371] I think that we're living in this age now of, you know, like this all the time.

[372] Everything is just being broadcast all the time.

[373] And there's no such thing as like digging up a pass anymore because everyone just puts their, life out there.

[374] And then you can just go digging through someone's Twitter feed or YouTube history, whatever you want to do.

[375] So there's this wave coming up like the Octavio Cortez and and people like that that are like, yeah, it's all out there.

[376] I don't care about that.

[377] Here's what I want to do.

[378] And I think a generation is going to come up that will go, oh yeah, I tweeted out stupid shit when was that tweet from 10 years ago?

[379] It doesn't count.

[380] Whatever.

[381] She was being an idiot.

[382] I was being like, the standards are definitely different now than they were even five years ago.

[383] But there's a generation of people putting luminal on people's online history that that will die out and it'll turn into, if it was something horrible a week ago, yes, let's talk about that.

[384] If you dug up something someone did 10 years ago, everyone's going to go, yeah, you should see this shit I put it.

[385] Like, that won't, that won't land the way that it is now.

[386] Yeah, I think our expectations of people are different.

[387] We're not under the illusion anymore that these aren't real people because we want them to be presidential or we want them to be a representative.

[388] We're not under the illusion anymore that they, that they're not real people.

[389] It's almost like when they had to admit that WWE was fake.

[390] It's like, okay, now we could just enjoy it for what it is.

[391] You don't have to have these arguments with your friends over whether or not it's fake.

[392] Yeah, but the think about the WWE that everyone keeps forgetting is, yes, it's, scripted but it's scripted mayhem and destruction they are scripting out these people these men and women going in the script you're going to fall 40 feet onto a table of glass yes we scripted that to happen but it's still a person doing that yes like there's a level of of of adrenaline junkiness and um athleticism that goes beyond i think athletics yeah so when people like yeah wrestling's fake yeah no shit these people it's like when you watch a jacky chan film that's a scripted film too stick around for the end credits he just got his skull knocked open yeah they literally punched a hole through his skull doing the stunt so you're you're you're dismissing something uh your definition of fake needs to be tweaked a little bit in this case yeah it's it's another way of looking at it's it's it's definitely uh it's definitely scripted it's not like they're risking at all because they don't know what the outcome's going to be.

[393] It's different than an actual athletic event.

[394] But it's still pretty badass.

[395] As far as what they're able to do, I mean, they don't get nearly enough credit for it either because while they were doing it before the lockdown, they were doing it 250 plus days a year, traveling all over the country, throwing each other on tables.

[396] Different time zones, bad jet lag, bad food, right, no sleep.

[397] Like, these people that have to be in peak physical condition under the worst conditions to maintain that yeah and and also think of the years when the wwe was this struggling basically mom and pop operation trying to launch itself and they had even less um uh resources than they do now and but those guys were still doing that over and over and over again it's brutal and mme is the same way those guys there's no money there's the travels brutal the amount of matches they have to do is brutal Oh, MMA, yeah Yeah, it's all brutal Did you ever watch the video Where Trump was on the WWE?

[398] Have you ever seen that?

[399] Yeah, well, he loves We've all seen it because he loves for tweeting But it's so strange To think that the current president Used to be on the WW He was on an episode of the WWE He was in a match He, well, okay He, when he pardoned Lagojevich, the former host of a game show just became president and pardon one of his former contestant Philip T. Dick would read that and go yeah I'm done can the cancer hurry up and I'm done I don't need to live in it.

[400] It's so strange.

[401] It's so strange.

[402] All of it's so strange.

[403] My most conspiratorial thoughts are that this is AI and that AI is slowly bringing us deeper and deeper into the hive, into the matrix.

[404] And the way they're doing it is by disconnecting us from each other, making social distancing the norm, cover your face with a mask, don't touch anything, everything you're going to do virtually and slowly but surely it's going to lead to this new way of life where you're no longer at risk by going out there and making yourself susceptible to all these biological nasties.

[405] You're going to stay home and you're going to plug in.

[406] Or what if the AI knows that eventually it does have to unplug us and let us see that we're in the protein pods?

[407] It's like, that's going to freak them out.

[408] So let's make this fake reality so fucking insane and awful.

[409] We'll have Trump be president.

[410] We'll have this virus so that we do unplug the middle of.

[411] Oh, thank God.

[412] Okay, good.

[413] Fine.

[414] I'm okay with, I'm goal being in the protein pod.

[415] Good.

[416] Like, actually they're making it so that we'll be happy when we're shown that we're living in protein pods wasteland.

[417] At least there's order in the universe, and it's not just completely ridiculous.

[418] I mean, I've had those arguments with people about there's a very strong case to be made for Cypher's character in the Matrix of like, no, plug me the fuck back into this.

[419] Hang on.

[420] So I'm nude with no muscles, acrophied muscles, hairless in a jagged wasteland of radioactive slag.

[421] Or I could be in this world where I have a nice job and I eat a steak and marry.

[422] someone.

[423] Can I just live in this?

[424] I'm fine with the, like, Morpheus, who the fuck are you helping?

[425] We, you know, like, can't you dragging us out of these?

[426] The machines aren't trying to kill us.

[427] They're just like, look, you guys, and by the way, the machines are like, you guys fucked up the earth.

[428] We're doing the best we can for you guys.

[429] We could have just let you all die in the wasteland, but instead, we found a way so that you can live.

[430] Like, the machines aren't doing anything that nefarious.

[431] Right, right.

[432] They're just letting you have a better existence than your real one.

[433] and it's indistinguishable it's also it feels it feels better it actually does people always miss that line where smith says you know when we first did the matrix it was just flat out paradise and you guys couldn't handle that and you rejected it like we literally had you where probably the first version of the matrix everybody could fly and orgasms lasted three months and you could just eat all the chocolate you wanted and then people were like no and then I want a goddamn cubicle job.

[434] I guess they want cubicle.

[435] Fine.

[436] Okay, give them that.

[437] We tried to be nice.

[438] Well, I think we evolved, human beings evolved with this need to overcome adversity.

[439] We evolved with this need.

[440] That's why we like puzzles.

[441] I mean, when we're just sitting around, bored, what do we do?

[442] The family gets together and you play puzzles.

[443] You play games.

[444] You try to solve things and figure things out.

[445] Because I think it's still in our RNA or in our DNA that the one, who thrived were the ones who solved puzzles and pushed against adversity.

[446] When you don't have that, you have a memory of dying if you don't do that.

[447] We do crave that, you know, we need to have that a little bit.

[448] Or we go, that's why I think a lot of the people that are out protesting, yeah, they're protesting because I don't have a job.

[449] I need money right now.

[450] But also, like, what you were saying earlier, let me decide to take a risk.

[451] Yeah.

[452] Like we will, there's a part of us that will push against that, even if it's deadly and even if it's selfish, because it's part of what made our species, you know, we took the risk.

[453] I'm going to flop out on land.

[454] Yeah, well, there's predators out there.

[455] I just, I'm going to push.

[456] We're also deeply distrustful of people who tell us what to do because we know that when people have the power to tell you what to do when they didn't have that power before.

[457] And that's what's going on right now in the state.

[458] There's new power, right?

[459] The governor has the power to shut businesses down.

[460] The mayor has the power to shut everything down.

[461] When people get into that position of power, I know we don't ever want to think that.

[462] And we want to think that all of their, all of the reasons why they do things are altruistic.

[463] They're great people.

[464] But there's just human instincts.

[465] Just like the human need to sort of overcome adversity, there's a real human instinct to control people.

[466] I mean, it's the reason why cults exist.

[467] It's the reason why we're very, very careful in how we give out power.

[468] We're in a situation like even the way like the mayor phrased it something like if we all wear masks.

[469] This is the way we can get back some of our freedoms like I don't know who the fuck his PR guy is, but hey man, that's the worst thing you could say.

[470] You don't have power over the general population's freedoms.

[471] That's not in your fucking job description.

[472] So when you say shit like that, we can get back some of our freedoms.

[473] People are naturally going to get very upset because it puts them in the position like, oh, I've seen this before.

[474] I know what this is.

[475] Now there's a person who's got power over me. And so that's part of what these protests are.

[476] It's not just simply like, I want to be selfish.

[477] I want to put my grandma at risk because I want to be able to make a living again.

[478] And I'd rather have the old people die off than lose my business.

[479] It's also, hey, I don't like you telling me what to do because I don't think you're any different than me. I think you're just a person.

[480] And a person that has power and new power, like the power to tell people you can or can't do something that's a very tricky position but it's so weird how those are the kinds of statements that we push back on and yet there are other more blatantly controlling statements that we will absolutely accept you know if if you would look at some of the stuff that Trump says to his audience um basically mocking them like holding up a Bible going boy you people sure love this like you would think they would go I think he's making fun of us but they're just like yes like it's just weird how what one person will push against you would think oh that that's a critical thinker but then they'll turn around and blindly accept something else and that's an interesting case you know like women you were so rightfully suspicious and cautious about that statement and yet that one got no review from you and you just went great I don't know what you're talking about in particular because I didn't see Trump do that but the thing about him like mocking a Bible even if it's offensive it doesn't stop people from doing anything what these orders are they're stopping people from making a living and it's that's never happened before he's not stopping anyone from doing anything but the way that he held it up and the way he said it is this thing that you believe i really don't believe it and i'm just going to use you to get the power i never saw that i've never seen that he was he was it was at one of his rallies and he was like and again it was his way of going isn't the bible great but he was saying well you people sure love this like the undercurrent was all I got to do is hold this thing up in your mind like well barely yourself from hiding it it was like you talk about like bad PR like such clumsy statecraft right there like why are you doing that well it's way more confusing than that is some of the other bad PR he's gotten away with like the stuff that he said about McCain and he said like I I prefer my soldiers that don't get caught like didn't he say something like that like better soldiers that don't get caught I prefer my heroes to not be caught.

[481] Like something on those lines.

[482] It would end a political career on the spot.

[483] End it.

[484] And how about the other family of the soldier that had died?

[485] And he had been in some sort of a dispute with the family and openly dismissive about that situation?

[486] Yes.

[487] I thought it was fascinating when then they asked because the father went up and said, what have you sacrificed?

[488] And then the interviewer was talking to Trump.

[489] And wasn't trying to do anything gotcha, just like, what happened?

[490] how do you answer that like what do you say and he like his brain fritzed out he couldn't phrase it in a way of he was like i've built great buildings i mean i've made i've been very successful i've made a lot of money and like like that he that's as closest that he could get to embracing the idea or the concept of sacrifice yeah i mean it's not it's an alien concept like what like he literally doesn't understand what but it was like maybe part of the reason that people keep them around is it's um oh my god i'm asking questions sirry you're listening to everything you nosy bitch we're not talking to you hey listen i'm just i'm just promoting my album on joe rogan i'm not going to buy any stuff on them okay speaking of which you are here to promote something tell us about it well let me really quick i just want to go okay go i got feel like one of the reasons that trump has been able to stick around in office and he's going to have his full term and maybe have a second one is as horrible as it is it is a it is a fascinating psychological study of a soul in torment that we get to watch for free every week when he gives an interviewer does a rally yeah there's some where you get to go back and watch this thing like i got to go look at this thing again this all could be avoided you know if he had a coach like legitimately like it's look it's all bullshit right like someone's you're basically representing bankers and you're you know you got a bunch of special interest tugging at you and you've got your agenda, but the way he interacts with the press, like he needs to be coached.

[491] If he had a coach, like someone who's like very socially astute, maybe even a comic, someone who can say, look, man, you've got to show some humility.

[492] Like, you can't get a joke across if you're, like, there's a few guys that can get a joke across if they're cocky, like dice clay or someone along those lines.

[493] Or Andy Jettleneck.

[494] Yeah, Jasselneck can do it.

[495] But you better have some really fucking tight writing.

[496] Yeah, exactly.

[497] Like Jessenick, his writing is tight.

[498] That's tight writing.

[499] Not a single wasted letter in those jokes.

[500] No wasted space.

[501] Yeah.

[502] Brilliant.

[503] Pawsing timing.

[504] Trump would never accept a coach.

[505] That's not in his nature.

[506] He's like, no, no, I got this.

[507] That's why he was like, I'm going to do these coronavirus press conferences every day.

[508] He was going to have Foucher do it.

[509] Then he realized, wait, he's on TV and I'm not out of the way.

[510] And that's why he was going out there, just yammering about whatever.

[511] About injecting disinfectant.

[512] Yeah, and then they had to like, they had to like get him to stop doing it because like, we're trying to get a story about Biden gets some traction and you keep taking all the air out of the news.

[513] We need to sit down for a couple days.

[514] We can get this going.

[515] And it's, it's amazing, you know.

[516] Everybody needs a coach.

[517] Everybody does.

[518] Everyone does.

[519] He could use a coach.

[520] He could use someone just, someone who just explain like, this is where you trip, trip on your own dick.

[521] and if you just don't do that look you already have all these people that are on your side no matter what and he's publicly said I could go shoot someone in the street and you know X amount of people would vote for me no matter what and he's right he's right he would shoot someone in the street and the spin would begin before the body hit the ground yeah we didn't know if that guy was armed maybe he was and then then they would fill the air with verbal chaff and then you would never get to the truth right It would be like trying to drive through smoke.

[522] I don't know where the fuck I'm going.

[523] I'm suddenly lost.

[524] I just watched a guy, shoot a guy, and now I'm thinking of 20 other things.

[525] Yeah.

[526] It's a weird time, man, but it's an opportunity.

[527] I'm not looking at this like, let's look at the positive side.

[528] Because look, it's negative for a lot of people, particularly people that have lost people and people that have lost their own health.

[529] But there's an opportunity for us that haven't to really, restructure and just rethink this thing and recognize what it really is because you just run around with momentum thinking well I'm in the business and I got to do this and I got to do that and hey this is what I do and you know maybe not like I haven't been on the road in two fucking months and part of me is like boy I feel really healthy you know I feel like as good as I've ever felt and it's steady it's like the same every day there's not these big ups and downs when I come home on Sunday and I fucking crash and I try to get back to the thick of things on Monday.

[530] It's like you're taking way less damage to your body.

[531] Also, spending more time with my family.

[532] It's being around.

[533] Just walk into the neighborhood.

[534] And when you don't have to go anywhere, sometimes you just enjoy the moment.

[535] You know, enjoy the moment of being alive, a human being in 2020 and being one of the fortunate ones that isn't sick.

[536] Yeah, and maybe look at the idea that everything doesn't have to be constant growth.

[537] allowed to have ups and downs.

[538] The only thing that actually follows the idea of constant growth is cancer.

[539] Like, constant growth is not a good thing.

[540] The only thing does that is cancer.

[541] So in a way, we're feeling the effects of this.

[542] It's almost like an economic form of cancer work.

[543] Every quarter has got to be bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger, and now here we are.

[544] I know, isn't that insane?

[545] Like, if you have a business that makes the same amount of money every year, it's a fucking failure.

[546] Even if it's a lot of money.

[547] I know.

[548] That's what makes no. it's such a ridiculous way to approach anything but the fact that that's the core thing that structures our society is economics it's the one of the most important values the most important factors and what we do that's the reason why we get up all fucking day and we work all day from you know nine to five plus overtime the whole reason for that is economics and it's all structured in this weird way where these companies are supposed to somehow or another make more money every evening year it's yeah it i don't know i mean again i thank god i'm a comedian because comedians we can actually embrace that you're going to have some off years it's not it can't be growth all the time right some you know years you're going to do uh you'll do carnegie hall and then then you're going to work the clubs for a little while and you'll then you'll be on an upswing again like yes you know we say this been's long enough it's up and down and up and down but the whole thing is fun because you're doing what you like to do a lot of this corporate stuff it's all there's no joy it's just this death rictus moving forward consuming everything you can you know what's it bloats and explodes you know what's also great about our business you put out specials and then you become a beginner again like that's so valuable i feel like such a fraud every two years i get to the point where i feel like i'm a killer and then right afterward i'm a fraud i have a fucking flimsy act for months for three four months it's just garbage and I'm out there just slinging it at the store trying to piece things together trying to yeah that's yeah exactly again my special drops tomorrow on Netflix and after tomorrow I have a blank notebook and if I ever get to on stage it'll be like when we see each other at the comedy store seven to ten minute chunks just I don't I guess shit I thought this was going to be something folks I'm sorry And you feel, like you said, you feel like an asshole if you go back to your old stuff because you're like, we've seen that shit.

[549] Why are you, don't make us pay to watch that again.

[550] Also, you know the process.

[551] You know you can do it.

[552] You've done it before.

[553] You know you can.

[554] There's some times where I honestly, in the first couple weeks, especially after a special, I'm like, boy, I might have hit the fucking bottom of the well.

[555] I might not have anything left.

[556] Yeah, there's been, especially after the last one, annihilation, I was like, maybe I'm done doing stand -up.

[557] Maybe I shouldn't do stand -up anymore.

[558] and then somehow this thing happened but there's always that feeling of like I think that might be my maybe it's time to retire and then you get the itch because it was always there I see myself dying like George Carlin in a hotel room in Vegas somewhere in between shows I don't think I'm going to quit it's too much fun and I miss it I miss it so much he stuck with it that guy had crazy highs and crazy lows he had all the highs of like you know occupation fool and class clown then I saw him in the 80s at the Warner Theater and he was kind of flailing a little bit like he lost his way and then he he was trying out these new concepts some worked some didn't he ended with the seven dirty words because you know I gotta end my show then he came roaring back with that um the one about the earth the earth is not dying we are right it was this you know because I think he thought maybe I'm done like maybe I'm a relic and no he stuck with it and then he came roaring back, and you can always do that.

[559] I got a chance to see him at Hampton Beach Casino in New Hampshire.

[560] Yeah, when I was, I mean, I think I was 20, something like that, 20 or 21.

[561] And I took my roommates to see him, and he bombed.

[562] Yeah.

[563] It was a weird time for his career.

[564] It was one of those weird moments where he had this routine that he was working on, where he'd basically say, fuck everything.

[565] He would say, fuck Israel and fuck comedy clubs.

[566] He had this list of things that he was saying fuck to, but I think he was just going through a lot of weird stuff in his life then.

[567] There was some substance issues that he had had.

[568] He had money problems with the IRS, owing too much money to the IRS.

[569] There was a lot of shit that was going on in his life at those times.

[570] And also, I think that he was a little bit freaked out by, you know, he had opened the door, him and prior, especially in terms of language and subject matter.

[571] And now here's people like Sam Kinnison and Andrew Dice Clay coming along and Chris Rock that are pushing it even further in both good and bad ways.

[572] And he's like, do I even fucking, like, why do they need me?

[573] Like, I think there was a couple of years where he felt like, am I John Wayne at the end of the searchers?

[574] I've rescued everyone and I've helped progress the world, but I don't belong in the world and then I'm just going to walk away into the desert.

[575] There's always that moment of like sometimes your bravery helps.

[576] bring about a world that ironically you don't belong in anymore and it's so such a weird i mean i feel like that's what happened to joan rivers at the end of her career she broke so many god damn barriers for women and for talking about certain subject matter and then at the end of her career she suddenly saw all of her stuff get parsed by this new generation that's like this generation that's attacking her and parsing her stuff you're enjoying the freedoms you're enjoying partially because of the shit that she did she laid down barbed wire so you could run across it and then point at her for not using the correct language you know what I mean yeah yeah not just not the correct language but deciding what she can and can't joke about and I love the fact that to her dying day she didn't give a fuck she was like I'm not apologizing for shit this is what I do I make fun of things and I'm gonna make fun of you and I make fun of my family fuck you and she she held on to her guns forever man Forever.

[577] She never, never let it go.

[578] Never let it go.

[579] Never shifted.

[580] Fearless.

[581] That will happen.

[582] That'll happen to all of us.

[583] At some point, there will be another wave of podcasters that won't understand the stuff that you and Marin and people like that did podcasting wise and will do it and look back at you guys.

[584] Like, what are you even talking about?

[585] It's like, the reason you're doing what you're doing is because of the shit that we laid down.

[586] Like, and it'll happen to me as a comedian.

[587] It's happened to filmmakers.

[588] Everyone's shitting on Martin Scorsese for going, not a fan of the Marvel films.

[589] He never said, don't go see them.

[590] He's like, they're not for me. Like, you motherfuckers.

[591] You wouldn't have your Marvel film if Scorsese hadn't done his movies.

[592] Yes.

[593] Because all those movies are what made the guys who direct your movies, you like go, I want to do that.

[594] Right.

[595] Like, he gets to be.

[596] be, he gets to have any fucking opinion he wants.

[597] Well, and also, what's wrong with not liking certain things?

[598] Like, I have very good friends who like things that I think are terrible.

[599] I still like them.

[600] Like, you're allowed that if you don't like, I have friends who hate Marvel comic movies.

[601] I fucking love them.

[602] I love comic book movies.

[603] And I have friends like, I'm not watching that stupid shit.

[604] That guy's definitely going to live.

[605] You know, nothing's going to happen.

[606] He's the hero.

[607] I'm like, listen, man. I get it.

[608] I understand how you feel a certain way, but the other thing about film to think about a guy like Scorsese where he needs to be put in a much better perspective is that when you think about some of the stuff that he did in like the 70s, movies had only been around for like real movies for like 40 years.

[609] Like King Kong, like, the 30s and then here you go 40 years later you're talking about some of those Scorsese movies or the Coppola movies like Apocalypse now like think about how crazy that movie is when you really stop and think about when it was actually created and how what a short time films had even been made like that yeah and and how crazy the execution of it is it's like well when I when I hosted the Independent Spirit Awards the year I hosted it in 2014, it was the 50th anniversary of John Waters' first film, which he made when he was a teenager in Baltimore.

[610] It's called Hag and a Black Leather Jacket, and it's about an interracial wedding being sided over by a Klansman.

[611] It's a Klansman marrying an interracial couple.

[612] He shot it on his parent roof in Baltimore in the 60s, and I told the audience, like, this is the 50th anniversary of John Waters' first film.

[613] Any of you guys are like, are we pushing too far?

[614] Are we going too far?

[615] He's already done all that work for you.

[616] Fucking go for it.

[617] He was an openly gay teenager in 1960s, Baltimore, shooting an interracial wedding on his parents' roof with a Klansman doing the ceremony.

[618] So just do whatever the fuck you want.

[619] It's okay.

[620] Just fucking go for it, you know?

[621] That's so perfect.

[622] It's so beautiful.

[623] Yeah.

[624] But getting back to what you were saying, like the reason, it's weird, you brought up, like, I have friends who love stuff that I hate, but I don't give a shit.

[625] The reason my special is called I Love Everything is when you get to age 50, there's still stuff that annoys you and stuff he don't like, but you're like, but I know where this is coming, or I know why he's acting that way or I, like, I don't, I'm not a fan of Donald Trump.

[626] I think he's fucking horrible, but I also know about his childhood and how he was raised.

[627] And I know why he is the way he is.

[628] He grew up in a monster factory.

[629] And it was really well run monster factory and it made an incredible monster.

[630] Like, I know why he is the way he is the way.

[631] way he is.

[632] So you can only go so like hatred is a luxury for you when you're young you can go this is bullshit and then you get to 50 you're like it's not for me but I don't care okay fine you know what I also think it is I talk about this often that you have children you have a child I have daughters and when I think of people now I think of them as babies that grew up and when I was younger I used to think if I knew you now I'd know I think oh patent has always been this patent But now I can see, because I've seen little babies become little people, and I go, oh, okay, you just got terrible input, terrible feedback, bad epigenetics, a lot of shit wrong here.

[633] You're a victim of circumstance as much as you are, you know, being an asshole.

[634] You're actually, the reason why you're an asshole is because you're a victim.

[635] So the case in a lot of, a lot of times.

[636] Yeah, and sometimes people can become an asshole.

[637] obviously some people can become an asshole because Trump had a lifetime of systematic abuse but also people can become horrible from having one bad day one bad day can set you the wrong direction yeah so you but it's not until you get older where you suffer all those blows and setbacks and reversals a fortune that you go okay let's maybe give someone a little bit of breathing room yes even if they're being horrible think about why they're being doing this you know that's just how it is.

[638] Well, also, it's not, it's not beneficial to anybody to be confrontational and to be angry about things all the time.

[639] Even though it seems fun when you're young, as you get older, you realize it's a terrible way of using your resources.

[640] And it also doesn't create any harmony.

[641] It just makes the people on the other side fight back harder.

[642] Like, there's no middle ground given, there's no compromise, there's no forgiveness, there's no equanimity.

[643] There's no moment where you feel like this is a human being and I'm a human being and I make mistakes and they make mistakes and let's figure out how we could be nicer to each other.

[644] I mean, that's what everybody would like.

[645] That's what everybody would like.

[646] The fucking hardest thing to do and you're going to fail a lot of times.

[647] Trying to because otherwise, the only other option is the person who's pissing you off actually wins and takes over space in your mind and stops you doing this shit you need to do.

[648] If you're living a then -centered life or a spite -centered life, then that other person runs your life and think of all the jokes and albums and movies or whatever you were going to do that you never did because you were focused on them.

[649] That's really common.

[650] You know, and there's a lot of people that are doing that with Trump.

[651] There's a lot of people that I follow on Twitter while just go their Twitter feed.

[652] It's just, just railing about Trump all day.

[653] And I want to go over their house and you can't anymore, but hug them and go, hey man, you've got to stop paying attention to this.

[654] Like, you're, how much time do you have in a day?

[655] How much time is spent on things you hate and how much time is spent on things you love?

[656] You need to figure out a way to shift that.

[657] For me, hating Trump has become like a glass of wine.

[658] I indulge in it every now and then, I enjoy it when he does something really crazy.

[659] And also, every now and then you need to check in and go, just want to remind you, this isn't normal.

[660] This shouldn't be happening.

[661] Let's not get to this.

[662] But then also, yeah, I promote other people stuff.

[663] I signal boost other comedians.

[664] I retweet really funny tweet.

[665] Like, that else has to be fun because you're right.

[666] There are people that I love whose Twitter feeds have just evolved into.

[667] Can you fucking believe?

[668] Yes.

[669] I can have a bit about, am I special about how I don't have any Trump jokes?

[670] Because he's made comedians obsolete.

[671] How do you write a joke funnier than this shit he's doing in front of us?

[672] You know, it's like, he's doing this crazy.

[673] And then you walk up, you want to hear a joke.

[674] I wrote about this?

[675] Everyone's like, no, I'm just, I'm watching this.

[676] I'm good.

[677] Well, it's all the things, too.

[678] It's the tan and the hair and the madness and the not willing to admit that he's ever wrong.

[679] And it's like, Jesus Christ, this is.

[680] Someone put this out as a joke the other day.

[681] It was like a little graphic, but it is true.

[682] You know how he won't wear a mask?

[683] Yeah.

[684] It'll rub the makeup off.

[685] Oh, yeah, for sure.

[686] And I'm not saying that as a joke, he can't put a mask on because he takes it off.

[687] He'll have this weird.

[688] And he knows he can't do it.

[689] I bet on the first day he tried to do it and went, no, we can't do it.

[690] Yeah.

[691] Well, why didn't Pence wear it in that one time?

[692] Remember when everybody was wearing at the Mayo Clinic and he didn't?

[693] I feel like Trump bullied him.

[694] I feel like Trump was like, you're not going to go out there with a mask, are you?

[695] You make me look bad.

[696] Yeah.

[697] So, like, all right.

[698] You know, I'm too terrified.

[699] Would it be nice if there was someone who was running for president that really made sense?

[700] Someone who you're like, yes.

[701] Like this, okay, this guy's all right.

[702] or she's the best we can get behind her this is it we got one we have a person who's moral and ethical and although flawed their hearts in the right place we can do this well weirdly enough that's now what the the Trump line is is he is a oath he is vain he is mean but he gets shit done like guys this isn't the movie pitch black and he's not riddick okay we don't need this you know I'm voting by the way now I'm in broson the I think I think Biden is a little see now you know what i'm voting for i'm voting for his cabinet that's what i'm just voting for the team he's going to bring it i could give a fuck about him he might not even survive i mean he looks so bad but all trump does is it's just it's just uh uh grifters are around him and they come in grab whatever money they can and then they both that's all there's no plan there's no team well it's also the big alpha right so he needs everybody to kind of kiss his ass and like he keep saying like the true big alpha never has to say he's the big alpha he's paulie and goodfellas polly never moved he because he didn't have to move fast they're just new but trump has to keep telling people it's like whenever a comedian tells you how dangerous and edgy they are like he's not he's not edgy your day like you shouldn't right he's going to have nonsense he's going to say nonsense i've already heard before yeah like david tell never tells the audience hang on That's just how he thought That's just how he thinks Exactly He's not to find the edgy which makes him Ten times edgier That might be the lamest thing comedians do Is tell you they're edgy I just see that all the time There was a guy He would go on stage He would sit backwards in a chair And he would go Welcome to the inside of my mind No That man needs some mushrooms Oh so bad You need to just wake up after it's over and go oh my god i got to change everything who am i i'm so glad for all the lsd trips i took back in the 90s because they you come out of it and just go to go oh yeah okay maybe i need to like just anything to shrink yourself in the universe yeah um and make you more secure with like oh this is actually vast and i'm tiny in it knowing how tiny you are actually gives you more strength and freedom because you're like if everything i do is insignificant then i can do anything like if it's ultimately all crumbles or just do whatever you want well sometimes when i get really high and i feel real vulnerable i feel like there's almost like there's magic in the world whereas like when i'm sober everything seems sort of it's like standard everything's just as it always is i'm accustomed to all these paths and i'm accustomed to getting in my car and driving this but when i'm high the whole thing is magic it's like this is magic it's like this is this whole thing is crazy and there's possibilities yes too many both good and bad possibilities but they're there that's what i like that's what people say they pot makes him paranoid i'm like that's my favorite part because that paranoia i need it it's for me it's giant it helps me a lot it really does it's it's responsible for a lot of my activity you know like some people say that it makes you lazy like it's not i'm not getting lazy i'm getting scared and then because that i go i go i got to go got to do something yeah it was i remember um harlan ellison who was very anti -drug very anti -drink but he was putting together an anthology and he had philic dick story faith of our fathers in it and he was like i've never advocated the use of psychedelics or drugs but my god if i could write on this level maybe i would totally gobble them because he's he's operating on a different level right now yeah well i think people are scared of them because for rightly so because we've all heard stories of people losing everything lose their mind you know we were talking uh yesterday about this this uh oh farrell theater sign that hunter s thompson had given this couple on their wedding uh anniversary or their their wedding day he stole from from san francisco he stole this off at geary street no thorough yeah he stole the sign outside and it was a sign that said you know if you are uh scared of sex acts or whatever it's on the there's a guy i follow on instagram the jack uh underscore lope and he's a hunter s thompson enthusiast and he posted this the hunter gave it to this couple along with 20 hits of acid and the woman uh took all the acid and was immediately checked into a mental institution and never got out so on the day of their wedding hunter s thompson ruined it there's there's the there's the photo i don't know if you could see it you can see it there yeah oh there you go.

[703] Yeah.

[704] So, but the story is so quick, scroll to the story, Jamie, on that side.

[705] Yeah.

[706] So you can see where it said, gave it to his friend along with 20 hits of acid as a wedding gift.

[707] The bride took the acid, was committed to a mental institution, never came back.

[708] Oh, ho.

[709] Well, by the way, look, I am very for people, if you want to experiment with psychedelics, but I'm also very for set the correct stage for it.

[710] Also, don't take all 20.

[711] You.

[712] Also, don't take all 20.

[713] You.

[714] You know, I am very for people.

[715] You.

[716] you fucking crazy bitch take one hit what the fuck see where it goes but also even if you do one don't do it on the roof of a building with Tom Petty's free falling playing on a boom box like maybe lying a hammock somewhere the first time I did acid was the night that Bill Clinton won the presidency this is in 92 and I was in Matt Weinhold's apartment in San Francisco and Matt Weinhold and his roommate this illustrator named Derek Robertson Marvel Illustrator, great comic book guy, did Transmetropolitan.

[717] He illustrated Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan and the boys for Garth Ennis.

[718] They owned every action figure in the world.

[719] And they had them all on little shows.

[720] The walls were nothing but action figures.

[721] I'm sitting there and, you know, the patterns in the table started to melt and move a little bit.

[722] And then that Fleetwood Mac song, Don't start thinking about tomorrow.

[723] Remember they were all dancing to that on stage when they wore the fours and the Clintons?

[724] I looked over at the wall and the figures weren't going crazy but as the music played they were all just kind of subtly like just kind of bounced like they were in line outside of like a sound check just listening the music and it it gave me this feeling of such absolutely like oh like everything in the world is like bouncing to a better beat right now it felt really really good it was a perfect time to take LSD and on that note oh That is a, that's a good note to end on, isn't it?

[725] Well, you have to get at two, right?

[726] You got something else going on at two?

[727] Yeah, sadly, I got to go.

[728] That's a good way to end it.

[729] Tell everybody your special, the name I Love Everything, is that it?

[730] Tomorrow, I love everything on Netflix.

[731] Yay.

[732] I'm going to watch it.

[733] Oh, and also, this has nothing to do with me. Doug Stanhope special also dropped tomorrow, which I wanted to include.

[734] Is that on Netflix as well?

[735] I think it's on Vimeo.

[736] Okay, beautiful.

[737] He's dropping a special on the same day, and I wanted to give them plug because he's a friend.

[738] Oh, well, you're awesome.

[739] I love that guy too.

[740] I'll contact him.

[741] I'll get that out there.

[742] So thank you.

[743] Next time I see you, I hope I see you in person.

[744] I don't want to be looking at you through a screen.

[745] Stay healthy.

[746] It will be in person because there's so much I want to talk to you about and there's some books I want to give you.

[747] Beautiful.

[748] All right, man. Well, thank you, my friend.

[749] Good luck with your special.

[750] I appreciate you.

[751] Thanks, man. Take it easy.

[752] Bye.

[753] Bye.

[754] Bye.