#1712 - Bert Kreischer (Part 1)

[0] Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

[1] The Joe Rogan Experience.

[2] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[3] We're up.

[4] Oh, yeah.

[5] Hey.

[6] Birches took a selfie.

[7] Salute, my brother.

[8] So good to see you.

[9] It's great seeing you, man. Oh, my God.

[10] How long has it been?

[11] It's been months and months.

[12] It's been all quarantine.

[13] No, no. It's the first quarantine.

[14] That we did a podcast right when I think my special aired.

[15] Right, right when it started going down.

[16] When we didn't know, like, we smoked two separate joints because we were scared.

[17] Was that like May or something?

[18] It was March.

[19] March 20th, we did a podcast, I think.

[20] Now we're ready to make out.

[21] Yeah, little did I know.

[22] I didn't need to do anyone's podcast.

[23] Stay at home.

[24] Home orders are really good for a special.

[25] Special comes out on March 17th.

[26] Stay at home orders kick on March 15?

[27] Perfect.

[28] I mean, we're talking.

[29] Greatest timing ever.

[30] Fucker snowstorm, Ralphie Mae.

[31] Right.

[32] Everyone's at home.

[33] Dude, it was, and then the cabin came out, and I was like, I was going to hit you up to do your podcast.

[34] I was like, you know what?

[35] They still got to stay at home orders.

[36] I think we're good.

[37] Yeah, well, one of the weirdest things that happened was podcasts are essential businesses.

[38] Yeah.

[39] Like, okay.

[40] I'll tell you what, it kept me saying, I did me and Tom, did two bears one cave.

[41] It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Best thing that ever fucking happened to me. Yeah, because it gives you something to do.

[42] Yeah, and we doubled down.

[43] We started doing two at one every week, and we were doing, to a month and we just I mean it was like complete and we just forgot about COVID when we got in there and may I be the one to say that you were the first person to figure out to do drive through or drive in movie shows you know there's a lot of people other people try to take credit for that bert Kreischer I'm I'll listen to that podcast some different human and I try to be diplomatic because I know it was you and I was like you know what it's like it's like when someone has a hand grenade and they pull the pin and you're like don't let go of that thing because that's a live hand grenade.

[44] No, like, no, it's not.

[45] Like, okay.

[46] Can I tell you?

[47] And I told you outside, I got the same Amanda Knox thing, Malcolm Gladwell says she has, that guilty disorder.

[48] I listened to that.

[49] I listened to that, and I went, oh, my God, I didn't create the drive -in.

[50] Eliza did.

[51] I didn't create it.

[52] I did.

[53] Oh, you thought that?

[54] And I was like, I stole it from her.

[55] I was like, I stole it from her.

[56] Because I'm going, like, I thought, I was like, I know that I came up with that.

[57] Like, March 17th, the day my special aired, I called Nick Neuse, Forro.

[58] I said, yo, get me to drive in movie theaters.

[59] He's like, it's not a thing.

[60] And I go.

[61] No, it is.

[62] We'll make it a thing.

[63] I go, they're wide open.

[64] No one's using them.

[65] Let's get in there.

[66] We'll have all the feed going from my audio on a stage right next to the big screen.

[67] We'll shoot it.

[68] He's like, it's not a thing.

[69] Then he hits me back.

[70] He goes, okay, I got an electronic dance producer, DMD music, whatever.

[71] They think they can do it.

[72] Hotbox.

[73] Shout out to Hotbox.

[74] Those guys are gangsters.

[75] He's like, the money is shit.

[76] He's like, you got to pay for another tour bus, a thing to drag the stage around.

[77] A crew of Twitter.

[78] And he's like, and you've got to rent the event.

[79] He says, it's money as shit.

[80] But if you want to do it, you can do it.

[81] And I was like, I was like, let's do it.

[82] And they sign me up for like 14.

[83] And I was like, hang on, let's do like a couple and see if I, I don't want to commit to a fucking summer.

[84] So we did the first one in a rock quarry in North Carolina, the most beautiful location.

[85] I did an hour in 35 minutes.

[86] In 35 minutes, I did my whole hour.

[87] And I was like, time to tell the machine twice.

[88] I was like, fuck it.

[89] And I called him that night on the bus.

[90] I was like, booked me in every city.

[91] I think we did like 60 cities.

[92] Yeah, I remember you telling me about the idea.

[93] I knew you came up with it, but it was, there was a moment where it was like a 30 -second moment in the podcast while Jamie was looking it up, where I was like, me too.

[94] I was like, God damn it, I hope Jamie's good.

[95] I watched it, I was like, I was out there in June.

[96] The best thing was her reaction.

[97] Well, that's not safe.

[98] Like, the difference is she in September?

[99] And what was it?

[100] When did you come up with it?

[101] Your first shows was like June, right?

[102] June, our story.

[103] June and we were out all summer and it was the coolest fucking thing and look i think anyone was there we did i think 2 ,000 cars in philly that's wild fucking we had it i was telling jokes to people a quarter of a mile away like a quarter of a mile away couldn't even see the stage they just had screens everywhere that's crazy but what was great is you get done this show you get in the back of a golf cart with a cocktail teetos and soda shirt off i'd stand where the golf bags sit and i just drive through the line while they'd wait in traffic and go thanks for comments do my meet and greet that way And it was the funnest way to spend a pandemic summer in a bubble, on a bus, and people were, like, I think people would admit not the best comedy show they've ever seen in their life.

[104] I mean, we did good work, but like, not the best environment.

[105] Not the best environment, but everyone was grateful.

[106] They're like, you got us out of the house.

[107] You made us feel normal again.

[108] Thank you very much.

[109] Like, everyone was grateful.

[110] Not one complaint the entire summer.

[111] Look at that.

[112] Dude, this was, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, that was in Pittsburgh.

[113] That's one of the better locations I played at.

[114] That's so awesome Butler, Pennsylvania It was brilliant It was beautiful I'd love that you did it It was so much fun No It was a very innovative thing Is that what Variety gave you The award for Yeah Did they give you the award for this?

[115] Yeah pretty much Yeah Because no one was touring Right And you did it Listen That's as safe as you can get People are in their fucking cars Yeah They're in their cars Like 10 feet away From each other It's genius Yeah It's genius.

[116] It was an amazing idea, dude.

[117] I love it.

[118] Thank you.

[119] Thank you very much, Joe.

[120] I remember telling the idea to Tom when I came up with it.

[121] And Tom goes, looks me in the eyes and goes, you don't want to be a guinea pig.

[122] Yes, he do.

[123] I go, what are you talking about?

[124] And he was like, I don't know, man. He was like, I just, we'll keep doing the podcast.

[125] Stay here.

[126] Don't worry about it.

[127] And I was like.

[128] Do you mean a guinea pig for science and medicine or for trying out a new kind of comedy?

[129] For trying out a new kind of comedy.

[130] He's like, you know, could fuck up your career.

[131] He's like, I already sold out a whole theater tour.

[132] And, uh, and so he's like, you could fuck up your career.

[133] And I was like, I didn't fuck up your career.

[134] Because you do it and it's bad and everyone, and you bomb and then all your fans are like, well, that fucking sucked.

[135] And then you lose a market.

[136] Zoom comedy can fuck up your career.

[137] I didn't do any of that.

[138] I watched really great comics do Zoom comedy with no audience.

[139] And their comedy looked terrible, like great jokes.

[140] I saw, I saw a couple of those.

[141] That I know, that I know is funny.

[142] If you saw it in front of a crowd, at the improv, he'll be brilliant.

[143] And let me tell you, and the award I got variety, I love the name of this award, it's called Damn the Torpedoes.

[144] Is that, what's cutting out?

[145] Is that my mic or your, or my headset?

[146] I don't know your headset.

[147] I don't know anything.

[148] It's just started cutting out.

[149] It's like fucking up.

[150] Jamie, will you find out who said, damn the torpedoes?

[151] It was Winston Churchill, my favorite fucking alcoholic.

[152] Check, check, check, check.

[153] Here we go.

[154] All right, we're back.

[155] Winston Churchill said, damn the torpedoes.

[156] Is that hit?

[157] Was he an alcoholic?

[158] Let me put my cigar down for a second.

[159] He looks like one.

[160] Don't even tell me who said it, because let me just tell you about Winston Churchill.

[161] Hey, Jamie, this is a problem.

[162] There's something going on here.

[163] When he's talking, it's cutting out when I'm talking to.

[164] We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.

[165] Sorry, folks.

[166] We had to lose wire.

[167] So Winston Churchill.

[168] Winston Churchill would wake up every morning with a scotch and a cigar, eggs, bacon, toast, and his paper.

[169] Now I'm hungry, and I want to read.

[170] Jamie, pull up, Bert Kreisher, Winston Churchill Day.

[171] Oh.

[172] So I find out this, and I go, and then he'd go to lunch.

[173] He'd have a bottle of champagne at lunch.

[174] And then at night he'd have a whole bottle?

[175] A whole bottle, a whole bottle at lunch.

[176] How old do you think he was when he died?

[177] So I think he was like 82, 78.

[178] Wow.

[179] That's pretty good.

[180] So I find this out, and I become obsessed with Winchon Churchill.

[181] What's his name?

[182] Winston Churchill.

[183] We're not even drunk yet So I decide on his The day of his death I'm going to celebrate Winston Churchill Day And you're going to do it like he did it Joe my wife sucks at presents I mean sucks at buying presents She bought me a generator one year An iPad Yeah in a pandemic it wasn't anything bad And she made me a scotch Eggs Bacon coffee water toast Jam berries And Joe all this all these little The crystal things The toast holder she bought that all for Christmas and she said we're celebrating Winston Churchill Day with you.

[184] That was one of the best days I've ever had in my life.

[185] I woke up with a scotch and a cigar and smoked it in my bed.

[186] That's pretty nice.

[187] It was fucking out of this world.

[188] And then I won the damn the torpedoes line, right?

[189] Is that Winston Churchill?

[190] No, it was somebody else.

[191] Motherfucker.

[192] Full speed ahead.

[193] Damn the portuit.

[194] How great is that?

[195] David Glasgow Farragut.

[196] How do you say that?

[197] Farragut.

[198] Farragut.

[199] Farragut.

[200] Yeah.

[201] also spelled Glasgow C -O -E or C -O -W Oh in the American Civil War Flag Officer So damn the torpedoes means What does it phrase mean?

[202] It means Ignore the cautions, right?

[203] Does it?

[204] Damn them like fuck those torpedoes To dismiss To dismiss the risk of a dangerous action And so I got that award Because I did that I looked at Tom and I was like Yeah I don't mind being a guinea pig I was like fuck it If it's fun I'll do it and then halfway through I put up video and Tom goes oh this is so you he was like this might be more you than theaters like because we get there Dave Williamson would start smoking a fucking remember I hit you up in San Antonio I was like I go we got a we got a 5 Waggoo brisket Dave will wake up we'd get pulling the bus Dave would put on a brisket we'd start barbecue and we wake up who's Dave?

[205] Dave Williamson fantastic comic and amazing barbecue really he's got a podcast called Meet Dave and he knows more about barbecue.

[206] M -E -E -E -T?

[207] M -E -A -T.

[208] Meet Dave.

[209] And he is, I mean, I could not say enough about that.

[210] So it's like a barbecue slash comedy podcast?

[211] Yeah.

[212] That's a genius idea.

[213] It's a genius idea, and he's a genius barbecue.

[214] Where does he live?

[215] He lives in Elsa Gundo.

[216] During pandemic, what do you do is he'd go in and he'd get a bunch of ribs.

[217] He's a big smoker.

[218] Get a bunch of ribs, a bunch of biscuits.

[219] Send out a mass email to all his neighbors.

[220] Go put on your orders.

[221] They'll be here.

[222] Drop off whatever you want to give me. Wow.

[223] Put in an rack of ribs, 20 bucks.

[224] Dave would make enough to barbecue for himself, feed the family, make a few little beer money.

[225] He loves it, and he loves it.

[226] He's passionate about it.

[227] No shit.

[228] Like the way you're passionate about so many different things.

[229] But when you find something, you just immerse yourself in it.

[230] Dave was like that with barbecue.

[231] He got into it.

[232] And now when we ever we tour, the top barbecue in the area, this whole summer would drop off huge trays for us because they know Dave's into barbecue.

[233] Oh, that's amazing.

[234] And so, what does he bring to travel to cook with?

[235] Well, we have a rec tech travel smoker.

[236] It's about this big, it fits on our bus, and we burn that thing inside and out.

[237] I mean, we've used it.

[238] It's a pellet grill?

[239] Pellet grill.

[240] Yeah.

[241] About this big, we put salmon on it, and he'll do a rub on the salmon.

[242] He feeds us like kings.

[243] And he's a good comic?

[244] He's a fantastic comic.

[245] What a great fucking thing to have.

[246] There is.

[247] Look at him.

[248] Dave opened with me and Mark, he was with me and Mark Norman and Red Rocks.

[249] Look at his shirt.

[250] Yeah.

[251] What is that thing?

[252] Oh, it's a barbecue, one of them chimneys.

[253] Oh, so he's doing it traditional style too.

[254] He's got a green egg.

[255] So he's just all about the barbecue.

[256] He's got his own rub.

[257] Oh, he's got his own rubs?

[258] Yeah.

[259] Jesus Christ, Dave.

[260] Go to his Instagram everyone's Dave W. Comedy, and you can follow him and he puts barbecue content up all the time.

[261] He's got his own rub, and he is an amazing comic.

[262] Nice.

[263] Yeah.

[264] he's got his own little fucking thing on his little truck yeah he's he's the best man he's like the reason i can tour with him because he's the easiest guy to get along with he gets a joke like one night we were drinking we were driving on the road and he was in the shower and i just took all my clothes off and got in with him and started yelling party shower and he just and he coached water polo he was like that was problematic for my kids trust me like they follow your instagram but but yeah man that was the that's that was our summer is we barbecue we'd party and Tommy's like you know this is so you we he did the Rose Bowl with me we did the Rose Bowl together sold it out huge venue sunsets over the mountains wow Tom's like this is fucking awesome did you do any testing at all when you were doing this so this was like when testing wasn't super available so we would test in LA and then all get on the bus and then what remained our bubble the entire tour so we would not have we'd have zero contact with everyone and then we really stepped it up because the first time we came in and then we all quarantined in the bus for like five days at my new house just sat there in a bus and then I was like fuck that I was like you know what I'm not making money on this tour not making a ton of money on this tour I was like let's get us a house in Sedona and let's let's quarantine in Sedona for five days that way we know we're clean and then drive into LA and then we get tested in Salt Lake City or somewhere was there we get tested and drive in and it was the it was the best summer it was the best experience I've ever had comedy -wise up until red rocks but but it was like it was just awesome it was fun and people were appreciative and then and then couple that with the fact that I'm business partners with one of the most fucking brilliant men in the world Tom Segura and we start doing our live gigs those two bears live yeah yeah and it was like I'd come home I'd do a live gig with him get blackout drunk tether our dicks together with electrodes shock each other's digs you guys did that Joe so we go to a dominatrix for one of our live gigs right right so we heard about that but I didn't hear the whole story so we go in and I'm a hundred percent game the second we get there I'm like really game Tom's a little hesitant and so I open up a bottle of whiskey I go why don't we start drinking loosen up a couple buffalo traces later Tom and I are in our underwear we're standing each other and this woman's like so I can tether your dicks together in shock I'm like we're in Tom's like I don't think this is a good idea yeah it's a bad idea I go we should do it Tom it'll be great for the live so so I don't like that word with dicks.

[265] She put...

[266] Because what happens if someone falls?

[267] Like, how are you tethered?

[268] We're standing face to face.

[269] Right, what if something goes wrong?

[270] Like, what if your dick gets ripped off because Tom falls back?

[271] He's not a small person.

[272] We didn't think this through entirely.

[273] I love to you.

[274] Standing each other, we have these cock rings on our cocks.

[275] Oh, boy.

[276] Electrod's going to two different controllers, and she's just cranking us up.

[277] One...

[278] Like dog collar type controllers?

[279] Or taser?

[280] I don't know.

[281] Because, like, dog collar hurts.

[282] but taser incapacitates you.

[283] That's what I'm worried about.

[284] No. I think it was much more like the Tins machine.

[285] Oh, okay.

[286] So it was just electric.

[287] Tens.

[288] Yeah.

[289] So like you go to the therapist.

[290] You need muscle problems.

[291] So she'd hit our cocks just gung.

[292] And then and then back and forth, gong, gong.

[293] And we're crying laughing.

[294] What if you came?

[295] What if you just like a fucking rocket ship?

[296] So we get done.

[297] And she looks at us and she goes, all right, that's as high as they go.

[298] I'm like, cool.

[299] She's like, all right.

[300] you guys want me to make you guys come and Tom and I are look at each other and we're like no and then she goes look at you too we had so much what a hairy fellow very hairy like a gorilla this is back when he had two good arms and you guys are chained up all this is happening chained up so when she said make you come how is she going to do that that that's what we asked next we're like so how would that happened she goes oh take you guys out in the other room take a vibrator put it in your cock and you guys would just blow a load and we're like a vibrator put it in your cock put it on your cock a vibrator on your cock until you guys come and both tom and i are like can you show us where you'd put it on our cocks because we'll find the vibrator and do it to ourselves later and she was just like ah don't worry about it and then and then the best part is we get done right we're done and this other dominatrix comes in looks like this is this is like a fucking trap house for dominatrix you're at a trap house Like, yeah, so like these dominatrix just rent a room in this house and then come in, torture a dude and then bail.

[301] It's like a hair salon, right?

[302] Like a hair salon.

[303] Like a pop -up.

[304] Yeah, yeah, like a pop -up for a restaurant.

[305] So, so, so between me and Tom, I always get recognized because I'm so loud.

[306] Tom never, Tom never is the one that gets recognized.

[307] It's always between me and it's always me. So this girl walks in and she lights up hot as fuck.

[308] She goes, Tom Segura.

[309] And he's like, hi.

[310] She was like, what are you doing here?

[311] And he's like, oh, we're just shooting a thing for my live event.

[312] She's like, I'm the biggest fan.

[313] And he's like, oh, my God.

[314] Wait, can I do some stuff with you?

[315] And he's like, well, we're all done.

[316] She's like, oh, my God.

[317] Would it be too much to ask if I get a picture?

[318] And he goes, sure.

[319] And he's like, anyone else?

[320] Do you want to get a picture with anyone else in the room?

[321] She looks at me. She's like, nah, just you.

[322] I'm a big fan.

[323] He's like, yeah.

[324] Looks at me, gives me a wink.

[325] They go over and she goes, all right, get on your knees, bitch.

[326] And he's like, huh?

[327] She's like, get on your fucking knees.

[328] So Tom gets on his knees And gets a picture with a dominatrix And I'm dying fucking laughing Get on your knees bitch I'm a big fan I'm a big fan Get on your knees bitch And Tom just because we were such In a dom mood We'd been dominated all day He just got on his knees And the picture Oh my God That's hilarious Yeah I miss I dude I miss him not living in L .A I miss you not living in L .A It's a better place to live It's so nice out here, dude.

[329] I'm telling you, I'm never going back.

[330] I went back, I did the forum, and I did Sacramento, had a great fucking time.

[331] But when I went back, I was like, Jesus Christ, the traffic, and everyone feels like they're a prisoner.

[332] They're all, like, people are, like, they have anxiety.

[333] Like, everyone has anxiety in L .A. You don't realize it until you get out of there.

[334] I just think that there's a thing that happens when you're around large groups of people.

[335] There's a lot of excitement, like when you visit New York City.

[336] It's great if New York City is popping like three years ago.

[337] It was great.

[338] But now it's sketching, right?

[339] So there's a certain amount of energy because there's a lot of people, but there's a certain amount of anxiety that comes with just being overwhelmed by population, by just large numbers.

[340] That goes away out here.

[341] The thing about living here, there's a million people in the city.

[342] It's like, huh, goes away.

[343] Everyone's friendly.

[344] They're all nice.

[345] Tom, we went to the soccer game last night and it was like, I was like, oh shit.

[346] I'm not having like panic attacks yeah like this is yeah that's a lot of it a lot of it's just population when I built that apocalypse truck that land cruise that I got I built it because I was telling my wife I was like if some shit goes down we got to be able to get the fuck out of here like legitimately like I need a big tank of gas and we got to have money and we got to have guns like you have to and she was like this is such a ridiculous idea then the pandemic hit and she saw the lines in front of gun stores and she saw people freaking out and then everyone was like hoarding food and toilet paper and I was like yeah this is what I'm telling you I saw this I didn't see this but I saw if shit goes south no one's ready like no one's ready and this is not a good place to be because there's no resources here there's no food there's no real water the water's in the ocean or you know reservoirs and they'll dry up it's a fucking they have to get the water from somewhere else it doesn't rain there it's not a good place to live I was I when when the pandemic hit I've always been a little bit of a conspiracy thinker and a little bit of a catastrophe think of what's that word catastrophe what did you say my tongue's not working right you need to get drunker i'll try you want another one yeah i'll just kill this one there you go bring that bitch over here i got guns i got food how many guns you get i was told not to tell anyone oh yeah why because uh i was telling everyone how many guns i had and where i kept them oh yeah don't do that i did that on my special and so yeah don't do that so but uh i got uh i got guns i went to quit uh tactical taran tactical he taught me how to use them i can barely say his fucking name he taught me how to use them i felt competent isn't it great going there it's the best thing in the world and by the way i gotta give a shout to taryn because when the pandemic hit reached out is there anything you need any help with yeah he's a solid dude he's a good guy and really he's literally one of the best gun instructors in the world I mean, taught Keanu Reeves how to shoot for John Wick, teaches Todd Halle Berry, teaches everybody.

[347] Todd, you know, how many different people went there?

[348] Tons, tons of people.

[349] But I had guns, and I also had a stockpile meat in our outdoor freezer.

[350] Oh, that's a good move.

[351] And then I did your podcast, and you were like, hey, man, how are you on meat?

[352] And I was like, I'm okay.

[353] You're like, you want 10 pounds of elk?

[354] And I was like, I'll take it.

[355] And we've, and Leanne came up and was apologize.

[356] She was like, I didn't even think about it.

[357] I always have a stack of cash to, we can roll.

[358] with she was like I I thought you were crazy and she was like we got all this meat we got all this food we got guns I feel safe as fucking shit in this house and I was like yeah sometimes it's okay to have anxiety and just so you're ready for bad shit you just have to be prepared for the worst it doesn't mean that you have to think that everybody's evil it doesn't mean you can't be kind and friendly you could be all those things but be ready but you also have to be charitable like one of the biggest resources when shit goes south is other people you know You know, you can't, like, people hoard, right?

[359] Yeah.

[360] Like, they want a hoard, they want it all for themselves.

[361] The problem with that is, like, the same problem with, like, we all know certain people that when they become successful, they're very lonely.

[362] Because they don't want anyone else to be successful.

[363] They want it all about them, right?

[364] Those people, they get real lonely because they have no peers.

[365] And so the only time they have friendships of these superficial friendships, like they have to go to like red carpet events and weird events where there's other celebrities and they interact with those people in these real superficial ways and those are literally like some of their only social interactions with people so they don't have any real moments where they have like real friends where they could tell about their failures or their anxieties or their fears or their insecurities like shit that you and I can talk about easy yeah they don't have that they don't have these kind of friendships that's a terrible place to be and when the shit goes south like if there's any kind of a pandemic or anything the best thing you can have is a good crew of humans that you can count on you can count on them they can count on you where you know if you have five people and they all know how to get food and they all maybe someone's got chickens or someone has a fucking well at their house or you can help each other you can help each other yeah that's that's what a tribe's all about these motherfuckers that they're only thinking about themselves when it goes bad it goes real bad for them goes and those are the ones that you're seeing on Twitter that are freaking the fuck out all the time and yelling at people about random shit and just shaming people and calling people out and like for what is what is what's helping with this not helping anything it doesn't make any sense to me the person that finds the joy in that it's no joy they just don't have any discipline or self -control or any sort of introspective understand they don't have an understanding of how they interact with other people they're just doing it because they're scared and this pandemic brought so much of that out because there's there's so many people out there that haven't experienced any sort of real adversity in their life you know they've had like difficulties in their career and trying to get ahead but like real fucking hardcore adversity they've run away from that and they've sought comfort so whenever anything goes south, those people are the first ones to yell.

[366] They're the first ones to try to find some enemy or try to find some scapegoat or some reason for why they're so scared or someone who's not following the rules or doing what they want you to do and wear two masks and all those motherfuckers.

[367] Oh, I got I got videotaped by some lady like right the beginning of the pandemic we're walking the dogs, me and the girls.

[368] And I just assumed if you're outside, you don't have to wear a mask.

[369] You shouldn't have to wear a mask outside.

[370] I had like a neck gaiter around my wrist in case something happened.

[371] We got in contact with someone and she's videotaping.

[372] You either videotaping or she's on a on a FaceTime call or whatever.

[373] She got her phone out, mask on.

[374] And then lights up me and my daughters and our dogs and she goes, and there's another one.

[375] And I know the camera's on me. I know this is how people get in trouble.

[376] And I just yell out, you're a cunt!

[377] And I just kept walking.

[378] My daughters are like They're like dad you can't do that And I was like I don't give a fuck Like that's not And I know the mental health I mean I know that Fract I'm back in therapy because I this even for me And I'm a pretty level Headed dude This pandemic was It fucks with your head It fucks with your head You don't go out in public For 17 months And then all of a sudden They're like oh just you know Everything's up get Go to the Denver airport And you're like huh?

[379] It doesn't just fuck with your head This is the problem is there's tears to this shit and the idea that this is over is nonsense this is not over this is just beginning this pandemic thing is just beginning we're going to have to figure out a way to deal with this kind of stress in a better way because I don't think this is going away and I think this is going to get worse I really do is this our new normal then I think our new normal is similar to this but it might be worse legitimately because the FDA backed off the boosters they say we're not going to have boosters.

[380] But the FDA said that.

[381] For real?

[382] Two people, yeah, two people resigned because they didn't see any science in the boosters.

[383] I was, I had my money on that Johnson and Johnson booster.

[384] I was like, well, the Johnson and Johnson booster, when you do get it, within two months, they said it's 94 % effective against COVID.

[385] The problem is variance.

[386] Jesus.

[387] Yeah.

[388] I would, that would be, I'm so, obviously, it's no one's fault that they don't know what to do.

[389] Like, I remember the mask, no mask thing at the very beginning.

[390] And they're like, masks aren't helpful.

[391] I'm okay, mass are helpful.

[392] I understand the whole, you've got to figure out what you're doing.

[393] We're not going to know until five years from now what we did right and what we did wrong.

[394] But I'm just, it bums me out.

[395] Because, you know, I look at my daughters.

[396] I know you probably look at your daughters.

[397] And my daughter's spent junior and sophomore, junior and freshman year.

[398] Yeah.

[399] Not in school.

[400] Locked up.

[401] Locked up.

[402] I look at my buddy's son, now going to school over in Emiston.

[403] His senior year of high school, it was in a house.

[404] Yeah.

[405] And with his parents.

[406] The worst.

[407] And that's, that's not good.

[408] for a child's brain and look my brain is already fucking broken I've done everything I can do it dude I think it's even worse for babies I think for little kids it's the worst yeah for little two year olds and three year olds like their whole life they've worn masks it doesn't even make sense because to them think about it they don't even think about it they just put them on and they just go or they don't and then they get kicked off airplanes crying what yeah you haven't seen the videos of people getting kicked off airplanes because their two year old won't keep a mask on their face You haven't seen that?

[409] No. Dude, it's the saddest shit of all the time.

[410] My two -year -olds would have never put a mask on their face.

[411] Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[412] They're crying, crying.

[413] Because they can't fucking breathe right, and it just feels uncomfortable.

[414] And not only that, it doesn't make any sense.

[415] Like, what we really need to do is figure out how to test and test quickly and safely.

[416] There was a test that they were talking about.

[417] And I don't know whatever came in this, but it's a saliva -based test that they were going to have where you just lick something and you would get a result within 30 seconds.

[418] I remember someone telling me. about this.

[419] I can't remember who told me about this, but it was a person who understands and knows.

[420] And I don't know if it wasn't effective.

[421] I don't know what the reason why we didn't get that.

[422] But that would have been the shit.

[423] So you get on a plane, everybody licks this fucking thing.

[424] You find out if you have it.

[425] And then everybody who has it, you get sent home and everybody who doesn't have it gets on the plane.

[426] Instead, what are you doing?

[427] We're sitting right next to each other, pretending that this little paper thing or a bandana is protecting you from the air that we're all breathing?

[428] And who the fuck got kicked off a plane where they went into the cockpit and they filmed the pilot and the pilot didn't have a mask on?

[429] Cody Garbrandt, that's right.

[430] Cody Garbrand.

[431] Cody No Love?

[432] Yeah, from the UFC.

[433] Former Bannerway champion.

[434] He went into the fucking cockpit.

[435] It was because of his baby too.

[436] I saw that.

[437] I saw that.

[438] I saw that on Instagram.

[439] Yeah, he walked into the fucking cockpit and he filmed the pilots with no masks on.

[440] He's like, we're all breathing the same air.

[441] What the fuck is going on here?

[442] This is so ridiculous.

[443] But I was under the impression, and I don't have kids that young anymore, but I was under the impression that there was like an age where you didn't have to wear a mask.

[444] There should be, but the problem is if that kid has COVID.

[445] The thing about COVID is, if a three -year -old has COVID, it's not, I shouldn't say it's not dangerous to them, but statistically, it's not nearly as dangerous as the flu.

[446] And we're not testing any kids for the flu.

[447] We're letting kids on flights all the time that have the flu.

[448] The problem is the flu is not nearly as deadly for older people.

[449] I don't mean like old people.

[450] I mean people like in their 30s and 40s, right?

[451] The COVID, for whatever reason, is more dangerous when you're in your 40s and 50s and what have you than the flu is, statistically.

[452] Not by a giant amount, but by a significant amount where you can measure it.

[453] But for kids, it's not.

[454] For kids, they could have it.

[455] it and they could spread it and they don't even get sick for the most part some kids do especially kids with comorbidities right but like my kids both got covid and it was way less than any like serious cold they've ever had when did your kids get it early yeah my uh when my daughter was 12 she got it and she had a headache for a day and then my other daughter and this is my one that works out all the time and she's very fit and then my other daughter and she's not like she's not fit She had it, but she was younger, and she was sick for like two days.

[456] But she didn't feel good.

[457] She legitimately didn't feel good.

[458] The other one was laughing when she found out she had COVID because she got to stay home from school.

[459] She thought it was funny.

[460] She's wild, though.

[461] She's a wild kid.

[462] You get one of those, and then you get, you get, you know how they are.

[463] You're a parent.

[464] I just spent time with Tom's fucking kids.

[465] Are you kidding me?

[466] Have you met Tom's kids?

[467] No, he told me hilarious shit about his kid calling him Tom.

[468] Oh, yesterday.

[469] Yesterday, Joe, I come in, I get off the plane, get on the couch.

[470] Tom takes a shit.

[471] I play with his kids for a little bit.

[472] And his oldest, Ellis, comes in.

[473] Christina shows up.

[474] Tom's there.

[475] His oldest comes in.

[476] He goes, hey, Bert, I got you a cup of water.

[477] And I go, thanks, buddy.

[478] I was on a plane all day.

[479] And Tom goes, hold on, hold on.

[480] Ellis, where did you get that from?

[481] And he goes, the sink.

[482] And he goes, Alice, you can't reach a sink.

[483] You get that from the toilet?

[484] And he goes, no. And I go, do you just get a cup of water from the toilet?

[485] And he goes, no. Dead serious, no. I go take a sip of this water.

[486] And he goes, no. I go, sip my water before I get it and he goes no I go where did you get this water he goes this Tom Tom is nose he got it and this kid is straight fucking face and he goes take a sip Bert take a sip and I go no I'm not taking a sip your fucking water I go you take a sip he goes I'm not taking a sip you take a sip and then Tom goes in and he goes don't touch the water it's from the fucking toilet there was a water trail from the toilet to the fucking couch and I go and he goes Ellis did you put that did you get that from the fucking toilet and he goes I did he just walked out of the room.

[487] I looked at Tom, I was like, please take me to my room.

[488] I want to lock my fucking doors.

[489] The kid just wanted the kitchen and drink toilet water.

[490] He goes, and from the fucking toilet.

[491] And I, but Joe, he played it like he was on impractical with Joker's.

[492] I mean, it's like, strange -faced.

[493] Growing up with Tom and Christina.

[494] Oh, I can't.

[495] Two top -shelf comics is your parents.

[496] I walked in their house yesterday.

[497] I walked in their house.

[498] Ellis comes up.

[499] Daddy just call us fuckers.

[500] And then I go, what?

[501] Tom comes around the corner.

[502] He goes, they painted the goddamn fucking wall.

[503] They painted my fucking walls And I'm like Holy shit I'm like I'm home guys Uncle birds here I go Ellis you ever have gum And he goes No And I go ah And Tom goes Get the fucking gum away from him He's not allowed to have gum He's not allowed to have gum What's a kid gonna be like when he's 15 He is going to be fucking hilarious This kid I have more fun with this kid Him and his youngest brother Is the sweetest goddamn thing in the world This kid just pulls me aside He just wants to connect with you He's like, I'm going to wash dishes before mommy gets home.

[504] You want to wash dishes?

[505] And I'm like, yeah, let's watch dishes.

[506] And then I go, I say to them, I go, hey, do you guys ever meet the dog that lives underneath your sink?

[507] And they're like, there's a dog under our sink?

[508] I go, yeah, when you put food in there, there's a dog that your parents, never showed you the dog?

[509] And they go, no. So I go, hey, hey, come here, buddy.

[510] And I hit the garbage disposal.

[511] And they're like, there's a dog under there?

[512] And then Christina just comes over and goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we don't try to pet the dog.

[513] Bert, what the fuck you doing?

[514] And I was like, huh?

[515] She's like, you just thought about you used a garbage disposal?

[516] And they're going to put their hand out.

[517] I was like, okay, my bad.

[518] Send me to my room.

[519] Send me to my room.

[520] Yeah.

[521] It's been fun staying with Tommy.

[522] I'm going to enjoy this entire fucking month.

[523] I'm sure.

[524] I'm here every fucking Monday, Tuesday, every fucking...

[525] Him having kids, him and Christina having kids is really like a science project.

[526] Like, what is it like with parents who love fucking with each other and fucking with everybody else and laughing about anything, including, like, people getting badly injured?

[527] Like, what is it like growing up with them?

[528] Dude.

[529] And meanwhile, they both fall and break their legs.

[530] Both of them.

[531] There's a part.

[532] At the same time.

[533] They both have broken legs in the house at the same time.

[534] Like, one recovers, the other one breaks their leg.

[535] Yeah.

[536] There's a thing I won't talk about.

[537] It's the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen in my goddamn life.

[538] Well, why can't you talk about it?

[539] Because it's his.

[540] I want him to use it as a bit.

[541] I told him last.

[542] Sometimes when you're with, sometimes he did this for me with my girls is like, he's like, this is funny as shit.

[543] But you're so in the weeds with your kids.

[544] kids that you're like huh right you can't see it and so he takes me downstairs and shows me his kid's room and I go are you fucking kidding and he goes what I go this is the thing and he goes huh I go is this a bit he goes no it's not funny at all we can't and I and I go Tom it's got to be a bit it's got to be a bit and he goes oh yeah that is pretty funny but it's like that's the way things work when you have kids do with smearing shit on the walls or anything no it's no it's just it's good it's just good and he'll figure it out on stage and then everyone will go oh that's the thing, Bert was, it's just funny watching two guys who I knew when they were broke.

[545] I mean, piss broke.

[546] Well, she's a girl, so you rude fuck.

[547] Whatever.

[548] You misgendered her.

[549] Oh, how dare you?

[550] Two guys?

[551] Two people.

[552] Humans.

[553] Two human beings that I've loved for a very long time who used to come to me. When they were so broke, they would come to my house to eat, say, and I was headlining for like 2 ,000 bucks a week, maybe hitting bonuses, and they'd come over all the time and eat, and they knew my kids intimately.

[554] They knew my kids very, very very, very well.

[555] Uncle Buns and Push.

[556] And they knew my family.

[557] And I said to Leanne, I was like, hey, I'm flying down to Austin every week in October.

[558] And I said, you got to come down.

[559] You got to meet these fucking kids.

[560] And I was like, they know our kids so well, so well.

[561] I mean, my daughter's still calling Buns.

[562] And I go, you got to meet his kids.

[563] It's like, it sucks that he's down here and that we won't be a part of his family the way we were.

[564] I mean, because when Tommy fell and hurt himself.

[565] I mean, it was like, there was a no -brainer.

[566] I called Leanne.

[567] I said, hey, they need us.

[568] And we just went.

[569] And we went to his house that night, stayed until like one in the morning after the fall.

[570] I can't believe he slept on the couch with a broken arm after leaving one hospital and going to another one.

[571] It was.

[572] I mean, that's crazy.

[573] I don't think he was, I mean, I say this.

[574] And I obviously, Tom has, can say whatever he wants to say.

[575] But I don't think he was in his right state of mind.

[576] I think he was a little out of it.

[577] Just from the trauma, the shock.

[578] yeah that affected me pretty deeply that whole thing because you know because you moved his arm you probably fucked him up okay listen i fucking saved his goddamn wife you might have i might have you might have you might have fucked his arm up too i might not have or i might have it's hard to tell it's hard to tell but you know doctors are doing everything they can do listen i love him to death and i had surgery on my arm too look at there's karma if there's karma i got the fucking surgery too well you had a minor surgery oh wow a very major surgery compared to what tom had it.

[579] You were on stage with like a robot arm on.

[580] Yeah.

[581] Tom had what is seven hour surgery?

[582] Yeah.

[583] Mine was 30 minutes.

[584] What did they do?

[585] Just reattached your tricep tendon?

[586] Yeah, reestablished my tricep tendon.

[587] He called it in all tear, right?

[588] 59 % tour.

[589] So you could have just let it go.

[590] I don't want to flex your triceps.

[591] Oh, come on, bro.

[592] You didn't want to let show everybody.

[593] I'm in.

[594] Do dips?

[595] I was, I was in physically the best shape I'd ever been in when I shot that movie.

[596] Benching, 2 .35.

[597] For me, that's a lot.

[598] I was throwing up clean, like, I got, shout out to Bert Soren, and shout out to you, obviously, and everyone had on it.

[599] You guys had, all those guys had on it helped hook me up with weights, and, and Bert hooked me up with the fucking rack.

[600] Yeah, he's awesome.

[601] He really is awesome.

[602] And you hooked me up with Bert, and so all that, and I was loving it, and then I got hurt, and I was like, remember that time we all bench -pressed, drunk as fuck, at my studio?

[603] Yeah, I tell people about that, and they don't believe it.

[604] I go, I go, you know, we all tried to do two 20 20 25 is the the two plates that's like a man's bench if you're if you're listening to this to for political reasons and you've never bench pressed if then you need to know that two plates clink clink is a man's bench that's what if you do that then you're a man and so me tom and ari is right after sober October ended we were hammered and we were like let's see if I can always throw up 225 in my head I can and I got pinned hard Ari got under got pinned worse than any of us Tom got it off his chest and was trembling, but Tom lifts weights, but he had a hard time.

[605] And then you go in and you throw up a pro football combine record of like 15, 17, 18.

[606] I remember telling someone that and they're like, Joe Rogan, Penn, just 220.

[607] I go, Joe, works out for, like, I remember all of us are like, all right, Joe, come on, let's go to dinner, man. What do you fuck are you doing?

[608] And you just, I don't know, man, fuck it.

[609] And then you get to dinner.

[610] You're like, I think I hurt myself.

[611] I was like, something feels wrong in my peck, but I was so drunk.

[612] You know, when you're drunk and you're lifting weights, you ignore.

[613] like twinges.

[614] Yeah.

[615] You know?

[616] I was like, see how many reps we can get out of this.

[617] I think I, I really think I only got to 13.

[618] I think I got the 13 I stopped.

[619] It was, it was, well, that was a little bit.

[620] 13 or, it was, there was something where I was like, this is probably, I think you put it up at 15 and you were like, all right, I'm not doing it anymore.

[621] And we're all going, come on, 20's like what a linebacker does.

[622] Come on, Joe.

[623] Yeah, that, that, uh, benching is a way a lot of guys hurt their shoulders.

[624] I was just talking, my buddy Cam Haynes.

[625] He fucked his shoulder up, benching, too.

[626] Whenever someone fucks their shoulder up, I go, were you benching?

[627] Yeah.

[628] Like, there's something about benching.

[629] I don't know what it is.

[630] I don't know what about that motion, but a lot of people tend to fuck their shoulders up doing that.

[631] I don't bench anymore.

[632] That's the crazy thing is then.

[633] I don't bench.

[634] I didn't bench then.

[635] Really?

[636] No, I don't bench.

[637] Like, when I did that, when I banged out all those 225s, I don't bench.

[638] I don't bench at all.

[639] So wait, so.

[640] So, so what, like, so what do you do in a workout?

[641] Everything's kettlebells.

[642] Everything's kettlebells.

[643] That's all I do.

[644] Dude, the video, I don't even know, I barely remember things I've seen of Cam Haynes working out with David Goggins, when David Goggins is yelling, get him in the boat.

[645] Who's going to carry the boats?

[646] Who's going to carry the boats?

[647] That, yeah.

[648] Well, you know what Cam told me?

[649] Cam goes, what's crazy about Goggins is as he gets tired, he gets more crazy, and then he pushes harder.

[650] He goes, right when you think.

[651] he's gonna get he's gonna be done he starts yelling they don't know me son they don't know me son and he gets he gets like an extra gear and he goes further that's a that's a group of people i wish i'd never look at this give me some volume on this david cougain oh nobody works like david in this house 13 come on 14 come on 15 shut that muscle down 16 come on get it 17 they don't know me son i know me son 19 20 you got some more 21 Yeah It's mental I'm telling His mind is bulletproof Who's gonna carry the boats That's it That's that's Who's gonna carry the boats Come on 23 Look at his eyes It's just like He reaches in He reaches into his brain And he hits a switch And juice comes out You know And like like psycho juice comes out dude that's I let me tell you something I have that fucking voice in my head of times usually I'm drunk on a plane you should who's gonna carry the boats David Gagin if you make a shirt that says who's gonna carry the boats I will buy it probably has one I was gonna wear his sweatshirt today but I walked outside and it was too warm I was gonna wear it on the podcast today he's got David Gagin's gear it's like a battle axe it's like the D and the G they form a battle axe on his shirt here's the thing here's the thing that I'm obsessed with these days is is like look you know you know I don't I don't really follow MMA or UFC I might watch it every now and then but I don't know the things that you know or if I know enough that like I hear you say shit like oh Brian Ortega's got sick jujitsu but it's a fundamental jiu jitsu like and some people shit on fundamental jujitsu but what you really need to know is that's the toughest jujitsu like I listen to you say that and then I repeat it right right and I don't know anything about hunting or Camhans or David Gagins but I'm fans of those motherfuckers right like I'm I'm a fan.

[652] Jocko.

[653] I don't think Jocko and I could last 15 minutes in a room and see eye to eye on anything.

[654] Of course you would.

[655] He would look at me and be like this fucking sad, sad, that shit.

[656] No, no, no, no. He wouldn't, I'm telling you.

[657] But I'm a fan of that guy.

[658] Listen to his audio book.

[659] He wouldn't do that.

[660] He's not, he's misunderstood.

[661] Really?

[662] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[663] Jocko's a leader.

[664] Like, a real leader.

[665] Like, if Jocko was running for president, I would 100 % endorse him.

[666] By the way, me too.

[667] Yeah, he's a leader.

[668] And what I mean by a leader is, like, he's not a judgmental person.

[669] He's not a person who looks down on people.

[670] He endorses strength and he endorses like an honest approach to your life and he endorses leadership.

[671] I think that's where we lose.

[672] I think he'd look at me and be like, this guy talks a lot of shit and doesn't follow it through.

[673] But I'm telling you, he doesn't, he's not a judgmental person.

[674] That's not how he is.

[675] He just embodies leadership.

[676] And either you get inspiration from the way he lives his life or you don't.

[677] but he doesn't give a fuck yeah like he's not he's not like a guy that's like look at you get your shit together look at you with your sad life shit in your pants when you fart you fucking loser he's not that guy he's not that guy he's just a guy like cool roger that he's just like he's a badass dude he's as badass as any human being that's ever walked the face of the earth jujitsu surfer and you get intimate with that guy yeah he's that guy intimate and i don't mean it that way jago i mean intimate like you get to know him well he's he's a solid of human being as has ever walked the face of the earth.

[678] But what's so interesting...

[679] I love that guy to death.

[680] I just spent hunting camp with him.

[681] Oh, is that who you went?

[682] I was just with him in Utah and Cam Haynes.

[683] See, that's what I find really fascinating is like when I see people, like you say, shitting on people online, trolling people and talking shit, waiting for them to slip up to fuck with them.

[684] I go, don't you have anyone in your life that you're not like, but you love, like David Goggins, Cam Haynes, Jocko, fucking Nick Diaz, Nate Diaz.

[685] fucking Robbie Lawler all these dudes I don't know anything about them like I mean I fucking Cowboys Roney like these guys I'm a fan of them I follow them on Instagram they post shit and it makes me smile yeah those guys take life and they ring that bitch out ring it's like a dry sponge dude and I I I draw energy from that yeah celebrating people that I'm not like I hear the other day I'm I just start it was just I'd start running again right and I haven't been able to run since the surgery so the movement for your tricep.

[686] I got on my treadmill and I was walking at an incline is what I was doing I was like all right I'm gonna push it I'm gonna push it a little bit so I go my my my my litmus for health is a seven minute mile if I can run a seven minute mile I'm good right so I do my first mile and I do it at like 1320 is like a 4 .5 it's not that fast but I'm like I haven't really run in a while and then I do my next mile I'm like let's see if I can do a 10 minute mile like a 10 minute mile is pretty rough for the average health So I do my I do a 10 minute mile now I'm three miles in Incline slow run 10 minute mile And then I go all right Let's fucking push it And I start hearing these mother Don't Who's gonna carry the boats Man I'm and you know me not well enough to know like I'm not created like David Cochins But you hear that in your fucking head It's fuel It's fuel And then I hear my my fucking Philotherapist going Just you know Rupport Achilles is a game changer And I'm like, maybe I should slow down.

[687] Why, do you have a bad...

[688] No, no, I don't.

[689] No, I don't.

[690] But I'm just...

[691] I just start hearing that after an injury.

[692] Everything you hear is like, Blowing up Patel is a game changer.

[693] Robert Femar is a game changer.

[694] Yeah, they're all game changers.

[695] Yeah.

[696] But Achilles is supposed to be a rough one.

[697] That's the probably biggest gift I've gotten from this podcast is those dudes.

[698] Is like...

[699] Me too, I think.

[700] You're very...

[701] You know, especially being around as early as I got to be on this podcast.

[702] to see the growth this podcast has have and the people that you've surrounded yourself with and brought in is like it's like really cool to be a part of this community and know that those guys are like like Cam Haines will I don't know if this is real or not I don't sometimes I don't drink and talk like he'll text DM me or something you know Oh it's 100 % real like I'll say something I don't remember if he knows who I am but like I'll say something And he'll DM me. We've talked about you Yeah And I think oh yeah he talked talked about me running a marathon Yeah why why would you say you don't know I don't fucking remember what's real anymore.

[703] Joe, I've told so many goddamn stories.

[704] You've pickled your brain.

[705] I told a story to my kids the other day and my wife goes, I think that was Police Academy 3.

[706] I was like, what?

[707] I was like, oh yeah, we didn't all rent jet boats, you're right, fuck.

[708] But yeah, like, it's been cool as shit, you know?

[709] Especially, you know, I was thinking about this the other day.

[710] I'm sitting in the hot tub.

[711] Dude, you were on like episode 10 or some shit.

[712] Like, what episode of the podcast where are you on?

[713] The first one.

[714] Well, I was a fan.

[715] I was a huge fan of the podcast first.

[716] Tommy was on, like, episode three.

[717] That's how I found the podcast.

[718] Ila saw Uncle Tommy, Uncle Buns on the podcast, clicked on it, and there were snowflakes coming down on your faces.

[719] Oh.

[720] And she's sitting on my computer watching J .R .E. 3.

[721] Oh, my God.

[722] And I go, what are you doing?

[723] She's like, Uncle Buns.

[724] And I was like, oh, shit.

[725] I was like, what is this?

[726] And it was you guys answering questions.

[727] That's hilarious.

[728] That's how we used to do.

[729] He used to answer questions off the little chat on Ustream.

[730] Yeah, Tommy was like, he left and he talked to Red Band.

[731] He's like, what the fuck is he doing?

[732] Like, why is he doing that?

[733] Red Band?

[734] I was like, I don't know.

[735] Like, they all thought it was a wasted time.

[736] Dude, by the way, not even like...

[737] Look at that.

[738] Episode 73.

[739] Number 73, Burt Kreiser.

[740] So you were probably like, at this time it's probably like a year in.

[741] This was...

[742] I don't think we were doing more than one a week back then.

[743] If I had known how much this one event would change my life, right?

[744] This one event.

[745] I talked...

[746] Tom and I talk about paths a lot.

[747] I don't want to put words on people's mouths I talk about paths Tom and I talked about last night about certain paths you get on you don't know you get on those and I say to him you know meeting meeting Joe changed my life because I would never have I said this last night I would have never told the machine on story on stage never told it on stage I told it before I told it to you and you're like that needs to be a stage story and I was like it's not and I'd heard people say that before and you were like no that needs to be told on stage And I was like, I'm not going to tell it.

[748] Had you not insisted and said to all the people listening, this needs to be a stage where when he gets on stage, this man's only to be known as the machine from this point on.

[749] And you chant it at his shows.

[750] And I was like, what the fuck are you doing?

[751] And to think that that one story, I have milked like a closeted dairy farmer from the 1940s.

[752] Dude, you just got done doing a major motion picture starring you.

[753] The machine.

[754] From a story I told on this podcast.

[755] Isn't that wild?

[756] Dude.

[757] It's wild, right?

[758] Oh, it was so fucking surreal to think.

[759] I had this event happen.

[760] Oh, you know, you want to know something really fucking crazy?

[761] I got a phone call from my teacher the other day.

[762] The teacher that got me into the Russian class that greenlit all those things, she called me and she was like, you made a fucking...

[763] I told her, she goes, you have a career off of this one fucking story?

[764] Wow.

[765] That's exaggerating.

[766] You have a career, period.

[767] Just to have a career is enough in this business.

[768] The one story is just like, you know, it's a couple of cylinders on your engine.

[769] I'll tell you, man, I think about that all the time.

[770] I tell Tommy, Charlie Murphy had wanted to go to dinner with Tom that night.

[771] And he was walking with Charlie Murphy.

[772] You guys were all doing that real men comedy tour.

[773] Yeah.

[774] And you stopped Tom.

[775] And you said, hey, man, you're really funny.

[776] You know?

[777] And Tom was like, in his head, he's like, I got to leave.

[778] but he ended up talking to you.

[779] That one moment changed all of our lives.

[780] Like mine and Tom's, at least.

[781] It's because you guys became really close, started touring together, started doing the thing.

[782] I hit up Tom.

[783] I was like, you know, man, that podcast is awesome.

[784] He's like, well, I'm friends with Joe.

[785] And next thing you know, you hit me up, you're like, you should do the podcast.

[786] Tell the machine story.

[787] Next thing you know, I'm in Serbia, starring in a major motion picture on a story I told on a fucking podcast.

[788] Dude, the life is awesome.

[789] Cheers, my brother.

[790] I'm like, I'm so fucking grateful.

[791] Me too.

[792] I'm so grateful for friends like you guys.

[793] Without, you know, without friends like you guys, this is all boring.

[794] It's got to be fun.

[795] It's so much fun.

[796] It's got to be fun.

[797] You've got to bring people along with you, and you're doing that too.

[798] And Tom's doing that too.

[799] Everybody's doing that too.

[800] Everybody's doing the same thing.

[801] Everybody's bringing people along with them and helping other people.

[802] Sickler and all these other funny guys.

[803] Sickler's podcast is fucking amazing.

[804] Sickler's podcast is probably the best interviews I've ever heard.

[805] He's a great guy, man. He's a great guy.

[806] great guy and sickler it comes through like what you see when on the podcast you see when you're hanging out with that dude he's just a genuine sweetheart of a person and we're all surrounded by people like that and it's so different than when we were talking about this today and me and you kind of talked about a little bit back in the day when we started this business there was such catiness such like i'm going to go up in front of that guy i'm going to blow him off stage and now to sit here and think, you know, people that I met, like, guys like Ari have introduced you to like Shane Gillis or Mark Norman and Chris DeStefano, Yonis Pappas, and all these great fucking dudes that are all blowing up huge right now, come on my podcast, on Tom's podcast, your podcast, and it's just such a shared experience, and that was not how this started.

[807] No, the business is, well, you know, I don't know why.

[808] I mean, I know why.

[809] The business used to be everyone was competing for a small number of spots.

[810] Like if you wanted to do young comedian special, there was only five comedians or whatever it is, you know, HBO, if you wanted to get an HBO special, like, you kind of had to be somebody.

[811] And, you know, either you had to be on one of those Rodney specials or you had to be on something else.

[812] Like, someone had to get you into something.

[813] And Rodney was a giant influence of me because he found comics that he loved and he boosted him up and he helped them out.

[814] And I always said I wanted to do a Rodney type special with comics that I know that are really funny that aren't getting to love, you know, and do something like that, whether I'd be willing to do that right now, whether it's on Netflix or Amazon or even maybe I'll put it together myself and do it on YouTube.

[815] But that kind of thing is like, I always remember thinking like, how cool is Rodney Dangerfield that he let the world know about Bill Hicks and Dom Ierara and Sam Kinnison and Lenny Clark and all these comics that I deeply admire.

[816] And, you know, I just always felt like that's the guy I want to be.

[817] I want to be the guy that like helps other comics and boost them up.

[818] But everybody was like competing for this small number of spots.

[819] And the thing that happened with me was I got insanely lucky.

[820] I got insanely lucky.

[821] Like, you mean, I did good on stage and everything, but there was people that were better than me. I got lucky.

[822] I got on.

[823] TV like fucking five years in a comedy or four years in a comedy it wasn't that long and then I got a deal and then all of a sudden I was on a sitcom so I didn't have to work that hard like in a weird way I did road gigs and I bombed and I did colleges and I traveled the country like everybody else but it wasn't that long I was on TV six years in a comedy I was on news radio with Phil Hartman and Dave Foley and Andy Dick and more a tyranny and Vicky Lewis and and Candy Alexander was wild and Stephen Root who's like one of the greatest actors of all time it was madness like the idea that I was that lucky to be in this spot you got like a master's degree in comedy and you got a master's degree in in all that was like right but here's the important thing I didn't feel desperate like a lot of comics do where their career's not going anywhere like they're 10 years in they're 15 years in they're not going anywhere I was comfortable so I started helping people so I found guys like Joey Diaz or Duncan or Ari, I was taking them on the road with me. I'm like, let's go have fun together.

[824] Like I wasn't, so it's like I got lucky that I had this position where I wasn't, I didn't have like years of bitterness.

[825] You know what I mean?

[826] I think that bitterness starts eating you up and then you start, it turns into like, for lack of better words, like a cancer.

[827] Yes.

[828] And you can't see past it.

[829] Exactly.

[830] That's what you focus on.

[831] And then it makes more of it.

[832] And I got to be very.

[833] honest is that I I think I was in a very unique situation in that I got it was a good stand -up I got on travel channel for you know eight nine years whatever it was and then and then I did this I was doing this podcast with you I would hop on the podcast and I did my podcast and I started my podcast I'd do joys and Ari's but at the same time I had also failed as a comic you know like I had I'd kind of let comedy fall fall into the side and You didn't fail.

[834] You just weren't paying attention to it.

[835] You were doing the other stuff because the other stuff was paying the bills and you had a family.

[836] Yeah.

[837] Like, it's not, you can't, like, shit on yourself for it.

[838] But I remember there was a moment where I called you and you were on a motorcycle in Vietnam.

[839] Yeah.

[840] I call.

[841] And I'm like, what are you doing, man?

[842] And you're like, I'm on a fucking motorcycle.

[843] I'm in Vietnam.

[844] I'm driving around.

[845] I'm running through rice patties.

[846] And I was like, well, that's pretty wild.

[847] That's fun.

[848] but I remember telling you dude you're a really really fucking funny guy and I go you would be a great stand -up comic you'd be like a really truly great stand -up comic but you've got to concentrate on it you got to bank on yourself this travel channel shit because I remember they were like sort of restricting the way you talked I couldn't smoke weed on this podcast yes you couldn't smoke weed you used to hide it when Red Band used to work the cameras he would turn the camera away from you and you would take a hit a weed Yeah We had to like Coordinated I was I was careful about things I said about the occult Like there were certain things You couldn't say Is this you in Vietnam?

[849] This is me in a fucking race boat That's TT right there That's my fixer TTI Were you in Vietnam here?

[850] I was in Vietnam yeah Yeah It was terrifying right That was But the thing is like I had I feel like I had Like It was like Like there was a light went off I was like I gotta tell him Stop doing it Well, you and Bill Burr, who I love, sat me down.

[851] I love as well.

[852] But you guys sat me. I mean, I'm saying this because it's going to sound like you guys are being shitty to me, but you weren't.

[853] I walked in the back of the comedy store one time, and you guys were both talking about it, and you said, hey, man, I remember I talked about, I said something, and you go, and both you guys were like, hey, man, your travel channel show sucks.

[854] Like, we love you.

[855] You're just a better comic.

[856] And you got to focus on podcasting and focus on your story.

[857] stand up and I felt you were going to become like one of those guys well and also I knew from my own personal experience right like I hosted Fear Factor for six years I know what that feels like to be stuck in this gig that's doing really well and I say stuck in this gig that's a terrible thing to say because it was one of the best things that ever happened to me Fear Factor because it gave me fuck you money yeah and fuck you money gave me this thing where I could be like okay I can relax like I like nice things but I don't need them You know what I need?

[858] I need food and shelter, and I have that now, literally for the rest of my life.

[859] Yeah.

[860] I just put some money away.

[861] And then I'm like, now I'm just want to live the way I want to live.

[862] I want to do what I want to do.

[863] And so when I saw you doing that travel channel shit, I was like, Burt Kreischer is too funny for this.

[864] You're too funny to be constricted.

[865] You're funny when you're wild.

[866] You're funny when you get off stage.

[867] You take your fucking shirt off and you're hammer and you're like, you're free.

[868] And you can't be restricted and also be free.

[869] It's literally not possible.

[870] So you live a, you could live a, you could live a, tortured life where you make a good living but you don't you're not doing what you could have done you know and then all of a sudden one day you're 60 and you're looking back on your life and you're like shit yeah that could happen it can happen to any one of us it could have happened to me it could happen to it could happen to anyone man you get stuck and sometimes sometimes you can't do anything about being stuck and you just got to like do what you got to do in the moment and make a plan and bide your time and figure out a way to do what you're truly passionate about.

[871] But people have obligations.

[872] They have families.

[873] They have bills.

[874] They have people to take care of that they love.

[875] I understand that.

[876] You got to do what you got to do.

[877] But I knew that for you, there was a way out.

[878] And the way out was podcasting and stand up.

[879] And I knew that.

[880] I knew that.

[881] And I remember talking to you on the phone that day.

[882] And I remember saying, I got to say this.

[883] I have to say this.

[884] He's got to get out.

[885] You got to get out.

[886] Yeah.

[887] And I knew they were fucking with you.

[888] And I knew they were fucking.

[889] I was friends of Bourdain, right?

[890] So he was getting fucked with too.

[891] You know, they have very strict standards.

[892] And, you know, that's their own business.

[893] That's what they want.

[894] They have a sort of a niche that they cater to.

[895] And they wanted people to fill that niche.

[896] And anybody that stepped out of line and anybody that was controversial, they didn't want anything to do with that.

[897] And they wanted to restrict you.

[898] And they wanted to put you in this box.

[899] But I knew you as this wild motherfucker.

[900] that told that Tracy Morgan story.

[901] I'm like, this is my friend who's this wild motherfucker and they're turning him into a G movie.

[902] You know, you're not a G. You're an R. And I'm like, this this R is getting wasted on a G. I remember telling them, I said, they were like, what do you want to do with the rest of your, with, you know, for Travel Channel Next?

[903] And I said, I would love to do you know what Anthony Bourdain does.

[904] I think I'm talented and they were like, and they just cut me off.

[905] They're like, you, sir, are no Anthony Bordane.

[906] And I felt like saying like, The way you said that, I think that would even offend Anthony Bourdain.

[907] Yeah.

[908] Like, I think Anthony would be bothered by that.

[909] And I felt like, I felt like going, everyone's, you got to let everyone take their shot.

[910] And then I, and then luckily I got fired and, thank God.

[911] And I know, what's interesting is that, you know, when I got that award and I got on stage, my daughters were there.

[912] And they were like, you know, they give you the award and then they want, they say, you got to say a list of thank yous.

[913] And I go through all my thank yous.

[914] And they're all very heartfelt sincere.

[915] Everyone, everyone on my team from top of bottom, UTA and Everlevity, all of them, I love them.

[916] They've done everything for me. But I got to a moment where I said, you know, I think I got very fucking lucky, and I surrounded myself by comics that were way better than me, and I named you guys, I named all of you guys, Tom, Joey, Burr, U, R .E, Dunk, all these guys were just, and there's a much bigger list.

[917] I know I'm leaving people off, but like, I go, they were brutally honest with me, and they were my friends and that didn't happen 10 years ago no 10 years ago they'd go quit that travel channel show and it would mean because it's good and we don't want the competition you guys were saying it like yeah like hey man you got more talent than this yeah there's there's a certain bitterness that a lot of comics had and I really think that it was you know I remember one time we were on the set of news radio and um you know we're on fucking TV man I mean we're living the dream or on TV and they were complaining about a show that was on another network or that was on another time slot it was a really good time slot and we weren't on a good time slot we moved nine eight or nine times during the five years that we're on TV and this is pre -internet right so no one knew where the fuck you were you couldn't tweet hey everybody tune in like if Dave Foley had like a million Twitter followers and he said hey we move to Sunday night at 8 o 'clock they'd be fine because everybody would go okay news radio Sunday night now and everybody would watch it but this is 1990 whatever the fuck it was and you couldn't do that so we would move and no one would know and our ratings were terrible and uh they were all like bitching that this show was on this and they they got great shots and and i was like hey guys last time i checked we're on tv we have a fucking sitcom we're on how many people have sitcoms i'm like we're living the fucking dream.

[918] We're so lucky.

[919] They didn't want to hear it.

[920] Their thought was, no, we could be sex in the city.

[921] You know, we could be the single guy, whatever the fuck it was.

[922] There was like these shows that, you know.

[923] It's crazy what you think.

[924] You think your high could be.

[925] Like, mine would have been like, I mean, honestly, my high would have been be on Travel Channel for the rest of your life.

[926] Sign a big deal.

[927] Yeah.

[928] And then I look back and I go, I'm so glad.

[929] that I got fired.

[930] And you think, going back to this paths thing, you think that you're on the right path.

[931] I was thinking this, because, you know, my injury happened because I burned my leg really bad with ice.

[932] I used to run the same loop, four mile loop, every morning in Serbia before the movie.

[933] And one day I felt bloated.

[934] I've been partying all night, and I was like, I'm going to run six miles today.

[935] I'm going to run up to the U .S. Embassy And then I hurt my leg.

[936] I fucking pulled something to my calf, put ice on it, Got second degree to burns on my leg from the ice because I put it directly on the skin.

[937] And then because of that, the next day we're in the woods, I do my fall and I hurt my arm because I'm focused on my leg.

[938] And I start thinking this, I literally think I went on the wrong path.

[939] I went the wrong direction.

[940] And then, and then, you know, my wife says, well, I don't know, maybe, I mean, I don't know, maybe if you hadn't injured your arm, you wouldn't done that promo video of you going under anesthesia.

[941] Calling out Red Rocks for your surgery, maybe you wouldn't have sold the tickets and then you start going, oh fuck and Tom goes I think of this every fucking day Had I not injured myself, maybe I'd be a different person.

[942] Maybe I wouldn't be as empathetic and then I think about a man at Knox and we were just talking about this She spends four years in prison.

[943] Yeah Possibly and I listen to a lot of your episodes possibly the most eloquent, well -spoken Interesting human beings I've ever heard on the show and I mean just and you go I Did I don't hate to say this this way, but do you have to find did did you need your path to get you to be this great person you are today?

[944] Yeah.

[945] Like is it is are these paths that you go through the bad shit you go through is that what you need to have to turn you into the person that you're going to be is every path the right path.

[946] But it's it's it's an incredible challenge and sometimes incredible challenges break people.

[947] So it's like what why does it break some people and why does it?

[948] turn some people into an Amanda Knox, who's one of the most intelligent people I've ever talked to, and the most empathetic, non -judgmental, even to the guy who was the prosecutor who was essentially trying to frame her for something she absolutely didn't commit.

[949] If you look at the evidence, there's no fucking way that guy rationally, if he was given a set of circumstances, if he was given all the evidence that they knew eventually in the beginning, there's no way he would have thought that Amanda Knox was guilty.

[950] He decided early on that she was guilty and then was trying to confirm his initial suspicions so he was very confirmation bias and he was he was essentially framing an innocent girl who was 20 years old and this is a guy with daughters in a different country in a different country that also has very sensational journalism i mean they have like tabloid journalism is very prominent there and it was a big deal paparazzi's from there yeah exactly she she brought that up and she i know i'm just repeating her yeah They were calling her Foxy -Noxy, and, you know, they were trying to pretend that she was this evil Satanist, and she was a fucking kid, man. She was a 20 -year -old kid.

[951] She didn't know.

[952] I mean, think about who you were when you were 20.

[953] You're a knucklehead.

[954] You know, you don't know anything.

[955] And all of a sudden, she's in fucking Italy for the first time, and this guy breaks into the house that she was living in when she wasn't there and kills her roommate.

[956] And they concocted some crazy fake story.

[957] Meanwhile, this girl does four years in jail.

[958] The whole thing, the ordeal takes like eight years until she's completely exonerated.

[959] And then after she's completely exonerated, she's one of the most fascinating, interesting people I've ever talked to because of the ordeal and because she came out of the other side, like tempered.

[960] She's like a fucking samurai sword.

[961] Yeah.

[962] Where you're taking that sword and put it in the flames and hammered it over and folded it and put it through all this stress, dunked in water and hammered it.

[963] She's a fascinating, amazing human being.

[964] And you know who told me about her or was Whitney.

[965] Oh, yeah, she was on Whitney's podcast.

[966] Whitney's, yeah, I saw that.

[967] I didn't even watch it because I didn't want to because I don't want to be influenced by it.

[968] But I listen to Whitney because she's one of the smartest people I know.

[969] Whitney's a fascinating human being herself.

[970] And when she tells you that someone's brilliant and amazing and kind and thoughtful, and you're like, really?

[971] I go, do you think she did it?

[972] And she's like, I don't think she did it.

[973] This is the first thing I asked.

[974] She thinks she did it?

[975] You know, we're just talking, right?

[976] And she goes, no, you should really have her on your podcast.

[977] And she doesn't say that about anybody.

[978] Yeah.

[979] I mean, maybe she said that about like two other people.

[980] I've known her forever.

[981] She said that about like two people ever.

[982] By the way, there's like nine people I want from Whitney's podcast on your podcast.

[983] Tell me. Starting with Dave Grohl.

[984] Oh, I'd have him on.

[985] Fucking Dave Grohl's.

[986] Dave Grohl looks like, you know, like, I was just told, someone just told me spirit animal is a very, a very offensive term.

[987] What?

[988] Does they like, oh, Jamie, you're my spirit animal.

[989] To who?

[990] Native Americans, I guess.

[991] Which Native Americans?

[992] I don't know.

[993] Which ones?

[994] I don't know.

[995] Come on.

[996] But Dave Grohl is my fucking spirit.

[997] That guy.

[998] Who told you was offensive?

[999] Some fucking woke dude.

[1000] Fuck him.

[1001] I said spirit animal and the next thing you know, shit fucking went sideways.

[1002] Someone actually said that to you?

[1003] In person?

[1004] Where does this person live?

[1005] Burbank.

[1006] But, but, uh...

[1007] Is he a comic?

[1008] No. He's not.

[1009] What's he do for a living?

[1010] Tell him what it does.

[1011] Nothing.

[1012] He does nothing.

[1013] Where is he?

[1014] It does nothing.

[1015] Let's find him.

[1016] We can call him.

[1017] Saying spirit animal is incredibly offensive.

[1018] He told me that the other day and I was like, oh shit, I've been saying that a lot.

[1019] But Dave Grohl's a fucking badass.

[1020] Like, dude, that guy, he's been on Whitney's podcast.

[1021] Whitney's got a great, Rudy's got a great fucking podcast.

[1022] She really does.

[1023] And I love that she went full hog in it and was like, Like, I'm, fuck, I'm going hard.

[1024] I'm taking the big names.

[1025] I'm bringing in.

[1026] She has great guests.

[1027] It's allowed people to see who she really is.

[1028] You know, it's like for a while, Whitney was like Whitney from the sitcom.

[1029] So she was trapped in this weird sitcom world and she's this beautiful girl who's, but the beautiful, like, the fact that she's beautiful is really just, it's just incidental.

[1030] She just happens to be beautiful.

[1031] Like what she really is, is this, like, fascinating person is out of really kind of fucking troubled life difficult childhood very hard light and that's why she came out on the other end who she is but when you talk to her like you get this like nuanced view of like the way she sees the world is she's a very unusual person she cracks me up she we're beginning of the pandemic she hits me up she goes hey we're doing this comedy gives back thing and I'm interviewing adam sandler or you're an adam sanler fan right I go I fucking love adam Sandler she goes hey so I'm gonna interview him but like I know you're a fan so I thought maybe I'd invite you over maybe come in crash the oh I saw that I fuck that up so bad I fucked that up so bad and Adam Sam was like what what questions did you ask him that was like first of all I didn't ask him any questions I told him you know me I told him a bunch of stories about me and he's like I way out of me you want to hear a great story he's like ah sure sure and I was like uh so So anyway, when you were in college, when I was in college, I was at Florida State, and he's just like, I don't know where this is going.

[1032] And I go, you came forward to Florida State.

[1033] And this girl I was dating was like, ended up hanging up with you.

[1034] And then they ended up smoking pot with you and Alan Covert.

[1035] And then I didn't go.

[1036] But, and that was, that was me, though.

[1037] And he was like, ah, cool, cool.

[1038] And this is all Zoom, right?

[1039] This is Zoom.

[1040] There's no editing.

[1041] Also, you're not in the room with them.

[1042] There's a delay.

[1043] And Whitney and I have a tape measure, so we're six feet apart because it's COVID.

[1044] And then, and I'm swinging.

[1045] I'm swinging in like a boom mic coming in going, hey Adam, Adam Oh, this is so bad I don't even, I can't even see it because I Look at the tape measure, Whitney doing a fucking tape measure That's the part of Whitney started taping her hair Random fucking woke colors And then I didn't even realize it was bad, right?

[1046] I didn't even realize it was bad, of course, Joe, you know that I promoted my special, right?

[1047] You know that I went.

[1048] But I said to him, I go, do you have Netflix?

[1049] Here's a $200 million deal at Netflix.

[1050] the first I get off the phone Big J. O 'Kerson calls me and he goes I just want to give you a heads up we just totally trust you and I was like what he goes we were up after you and we were mocking that we were in the waiting room watching it and I go what do you mean mocked me Jay and he goes are you being serious I thought that interview went great I thought it was I thought it was like perfect and he was drunk no no I think I was sober that's why that's the problem Big J goes Bert you asked Adam Sandler if he had Netflix I said, yeah, because my special's on Netflix.

[1051] And he goes, Bert, he has a $200 million deal at Netflix.

[1052] He definitely has fucking Netflix.

[1053] And then he goes, and then you called his movie Happy Madison.

[1054] It's Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison.

[1055] He goes, and then you called his movie Precious Gems.

[1056] I go, it's not Precious Gems.

[1057] And then I start melting down.

[1058] And I'm like, oh my God, I really fucked this up.

[1059] Yeah, that was a colossal.

[1060] And God bless David Spade.

[1061] That uncut gems movie is fucking fantastic.

[1062] Yeah, I call it precious gems.

[1063] Yeah, you want to find out who Adam Sandler really is or what he's capable of.

[1064] God damn, uncut gems.

[1065] That is one, two -hour or whatever, however long the movie is, fucking panic attack.

[1066] I got to see it.

[1067] You haven't seen it?

[1068] No, no. Holy shit, bird.

[1069] It's so good.

[1070] It's so crazy how good it is.

[1071] Do you know anybody who's a gambling chunky?

[1072] No, I just stopped gambling.

[1073] You did?

[1074] Yeah, I don't care.

[1075] I don't care about it.

[1076] Gamble is awesome.

[1077] I don't really give a fuck.

[1078] It's like, it's like, I'm just dead inside with that, like that.

[1079] I used to gamble on fights when I was calling them in the early days of the UFC because there's guys who would come in from overseas, guys who'd come in, like, who I'd watch fight in like, like K1 or rings or, you know, any of those Japanese organizations.

[1080] And I knew who they were, and I would gamble on them.

[1081] Really?

[1082] Yeah, but I was like, is this bad?

[1083] Like, am I, I, I'm commentating, and I'm also gambling.

[1084] Like, I don't know if that's smart, like, because I don't want to be biased.

[1085] So then, like, oh, he hit him hard.

[1086] God damn it.

[1087] So then Aubrey, my partner and on it, Aubrey used to come to the fire.

[1088] It's got to, it's not bad.

[1089] It's not bad.

[1090] Between him and his wife, he's married, correct?

[1091] He's married.

[1092] Yes.

[1093] I mean, I just follow him on Instagram.

[1094] Yes.

[1095] But the two, their two bodies are just.

[1096] They're beautiful people.

[1097] I think I have all the fat they should have.

[1098] Okay.

[1099] Well.

[1100] Their bodies have.

[1101] zero fat on them and he's always got that he's a lovely man he's got that beautiful sunshine smile that he's just like that's another thing about this podcast like I follow people I do not know and I'm and I'm like oh look they're wake surfing oh that's so happy like do you want to meet him I'd love to meet Aubrey Marcus I'll hook it up yeah yeah I'll call him after we're done here yeah I would love to what was I saying about him you were saying but gambling on fights so I I would give him that's uncut jams I would give him the tips like when guys would come in and I would say oh my god that line is totally wrong I'm like this guy's a killer and we were at one point we were 84 % where I was just giving him the tips and he was gambling we would 8 out of 10 I would call him right you know because MMA you can't call it right all the time because wild shit happens like did you see the UFC this weekend I didn't and I won't oh my God Brian Ortega and Alexander Volcanowski had one of the craziest title fights I've ever seen in my life it was wild and I kind of wish I was there I was out of town for that one that was my hunting trip so I had to cancel it but god damn it was so good it was so crazy that was a fight you couldn't call because Ortega almost won twice with two insane submissions once with a with a with a he got him on the bottom with a guillotine or he mounted him rather with a guillotine and then he got him on a bottom with a triangle it was insane and Ortega is known for his submissions.

[1102] His submissions are some of the best in M .A. He's a Torrance Jiu -Jitsu guy, right?

[1103] He's from the original Gracie Academy in Torrance.

[1104] That's where I train.

[1105] Keep going.

[1106] Orion.

[1107] Horian ran the school and his son's, you know, um, Henner.

[1108] Yeah, Henner and Huron.

[1109] And it's just, and Brian Ortega came from there.

[1110] A lot of, it's like lineage.

[1111] It's lineage.

[1112] Like, it's like some of the purest jujitsu that you're going to get.

[1113] And when you say fundamentals.

[1114] Like Brian Ortega has perfect fundamentals.

[1115] You know, Crohn Gracie, perfect.

[1116] Perfect.

[1117] Perfect fundamentals.

[1118] They do everything to like this razor sharp.

[1119] When he dove on that guillotine choke, I was like, that is, like, I wish people could see how beautiful that is the way I see it.

[1120] Yeah.

[1121] Because I know how hard that is to do.

[1122] The way he slipped it in and got mount on the world champion.

[1123] Yeah.

[1124] Full guillotine mount or world champion.

[1125] And the guy got out.

[1126] I mean, he's gurgling.

[1127] It's as deep as it gets.

[1128] And when you realize how good Brian Ortega is, and what he's in right now, he's in a mount, but he's also got his legs crossed underneath, which is like the most ruthless mount.

[1129] Because a regular mount, you're on top of a guy, and a guy can kind of buck.

[1130] But Ortega's got his legs crossed.

[1131] So that kind of guillotine with a guy like that is death.

[1132] It's death.

[1133] And that crazy motherfucker from Australia got out, where 99 .99 % of the people who have ever lived would have tapped out.

[1134] Yeah.

[1135] That fucking savage.

[1136] It's like not today, bitch.

[1137] I'd rather die.

[1138] I did a deep dip on, dig on Brian Ortega.

[1139] He's so good, dude.

[1140] He's on Shab's Calabasas companion.

[1141] Yes.

[1142] And probably one of the most interesting human beings I've ever heard talk.

[1143] He's an actor and he just doesn't come out as an actor, which is how I come at it as.

[1144] Like, just a regular person.

[1145] He's an actor?

[1146] He was acting before he did fighting?

[1147] Please, no, we don't have to pull it up.

[1148] No, no, no, no. Let me know.

[1149] Let me know.

[1150] Hold on.

[1151] Brian Ortega was in a movie with Shai LaBouf.

[1152] They were both in the movie, but that was like the first or maybe he's done very few things.

[1153] Was that when he was already fighting?

[1154] When was that movie?

[1155] Very recently.

[1156] Oh, yeah.

[1157] And Shaba, they were like, Shaba was an extra, but Brian's in it too.

[1158] But they probably brought Brian in because, you know, he's already fought for the title before.

[1159] He fought for Max Holloway.

[1160] He knocked out Frankie Edgar.

[1161] I mean, Brian Ortega has been a bad motherfucker for years.

[1162] I heard you.

[1163] Well, I got into deep dive about him.

[1164] And I do a thing called Open Tabs where I keep all the tabs open to my Safari browser.

[1165] and then I do a podcast about telling you about all the shit I learned over the weekend and I had a big Brian Ortega one but I took it out because sometimes with cage fighters they don't I maybe what I say isn't what they hear and I don't want to piss any of them off I know what you're saying like some dudes are super sensitive I'm sensitive as fuck and Brian Ortega was in this movie with Shia LaBouf and he said he told this crazy story about Shia trying to fight him and I was like...

[1166] Oh my God that's hilarious and I was like...

[1167] Is that real?

[1168] Is that real?

[1169] Yeah yeah I heard the story so I mean That is hilarious.

[1170] And so, but Brian Ortega, the way he was telling the story was like, it was good, like, it was legit good storytelling.

[1171] Like, I'm, like, he can do jujitsu.

[1172] I can tell a motherfucker's story.

[1173] Right.

[1174] And the way he was telling the story was like the way you would do jiu jihitsu?

[1175] No, not at all that way.

[1176] If I knew jujitsu, yes.

[1177] He was telling it good.

[1178] He was telling it good.

[1179] And I was like, who the fuck is.

[1180] And then the next clip is you talking about Brian Ortega's jiu jihitsu is flawless.

[1181] It's flawless.

[1182] But it's fun.

[1183] You said it's fundamental.

[1184] Yeah.

[1185] What that means is there's like some basic, and the word basic gets offensive to some people because I think they misinterpret.

[1186] Like, when I, when I, that's why I use the word fundamentals instead of basic.

[1187] But what I mean by basic is there's just like some amazing moves in jujitsu that are standard.

[1188] Like the arm bar is standard.

[1189] Arm bar from the guard is a standard move.

[1190] A guillotine choke is a standard move.

[1191] A rear naked choke is a standard move.

[1192] A dars choke is a, we're getting a little more new schooly because it's a guy Joe Darce, Darce, that came up with that name.

[1193] But there's a Bravo choke that's kind of similar that's in jujitsu with the ghee.

[1194] And there's a lot of techniques like ghee techniques that are very fundamental, like Ezekiel chokes and clock chokes.

[1195] They're basically kind of fundamental.

[1196] And then you get into this new school like Eddie Bravo style.

[1197] where he's got some of these students that are just doing this wild shit is this kid Ben Eddie who teaches out of Portland I think he's in Portland and Ben Eddie's like super flexible with this wild guard and I was just looking at this new move that he was doing where he's got like this rubber guard new choke and I was analyzing this I was like whoa and I'm like how many people can move their legs like that like how flexible is he how much dexterity does he have in his legs the way he's applying pressure I'm like, can my fat ass do that?

[1198] I'm looking at how he's doing it.

[1199] I'm like, can I do that?

[1200] Or is this like out of my league?

[1201] Is this like one of them, there's some crazy flexibility moves that you have to be like a pretzel to use?

[1202] So he's doing this show.

[1203] Ben Eddie's got amazing jiu -jitsu.

[1204] And he's one of the things I love about him, he's a long -haired hippie, and he's not like a brood at all.

[1205] But he's a goddamn assassin when it comes to jiu -jitsu.

[1206] Those are my favorite guys, who you would think would be like kind of nerds.

[1207] but they are they're like nerd assassins that's how eddie always calls them he calls them like nerd assassins they're like intelligent people that are playing a complicated game they could have been playing chess but they instead became a jiu jitsu person they could have been a person who's like a champion video game person but instead they it's the same thing they became it's like whatever makes you good at golf would also make you good at tennis like you got to like find what i mean there's athletic limitations to some things right like to be a really good runner you have to be fast like there's no if hands or butts about it yeah but there's certain things that like when a person gets really fucking good at something it's like what that is I think you can you can apply to anything with passion so this guy's got wild shit there's another dude named jeremiah vance and he might be one of the most impressive he moves so fast off his back his back is terrifying fine.

[1208] When he's on the bottom, which is usually like a difficult position to attack from, it's way easier to attack on top because you have gravity on your side.

[1209] So if you're on top of a person, you're smushing them, you have gravity on your side.

[1210] That's an advantage.

[1211] Like you have more pressure on them.

[1212] They don't have any pressure on you.

[1213] So you have to figure out a way to attack someone without any pressure.

[1214] So the way, yeah, dude, he's a master off his back.

[1215] He caught this dude in the fly trap.

[1216] And he might have been like one of the first guys to ever pull this off on the high level competition.

[1217] Oh my God.

[1218] Dude, I'm telling you Jeremiah Vance is an assassin off his back.

[1219] But it's like this is not fundamental Jiu -Jitsu.

[1220] This stuff that he's doing right here, this is not the basics.

[1221] This is some wild variations that these really creative assassins are coming up with.

[1222] What you see when you see Brian Ortega, I'm sure Brian could do all that shit if you show him.

[1223] I'm sure he could.

[1224] I'm sure he already knows it too.

[1225] But what you see, see from him is all of the fundamentals, the triangle, the rear naked, the arm bar at razor sharp, razor sharp precision.

[1226] That's what's amazing.

[1227] It's not just that he got a mounted guillotine and a world champion.

[1228] It's the smoothness.

[1229] Watch that.

[1230] Can you play Brian Ortega's submission attempt on Volcanovsky?

[1231] We can't find it?

[1232] I think it's on the UFC page.

[1233] I know Ariel Helwani tweeted it.

[1234] He tweeted a video.

[1235] And he said, how?

[1236] He said, how do you get out?

[1237] How does someone get out of this?

[1238] And it's a really good question.

[1239] Because if you know how good Brian Ortega's jiu -jitsu is, you go, this is insane.

[1240] This should be checkmate.

[1241] There's another guy like Crone Gracie, who's Hickson Gracie's son.

[1242] Cron Gracie got a guillotine on Cub Swanson.

[1243] And Cub Swanson is a legitimate fucking murderer.

[1244] He's a killer.

[1245] He's really good.

[1246] He's good all around.

[1247] He can knock dudes outstanding.

[1248] He's a black belt in jujitsu.

[1249] He's a bad motherfucker.

[1250] He's been around forever.

[1251] He's a veteran, just as tough as they come.

[1252] And Chrome Gracie caught his neck like a crocodile.

[1253] It was like a crocodile snatching a wildebeest by the side of a waterhole.

[1254] Is this it?

[1255] This is Ortega Volcanowski, and this is the triangle.

[1256] The fact that he got out of this is just as impressive, so we might as well watch this.

[1257] Do you know how good that triangle is?

[1258] That is so goddamn good Completely locked in Ortega's head is fucking purple And his nickname T -City That's Triangle City That's Brian Artega's nickname Because he's so good at the triangle He had a triangle Fully locked in And Volcanovsky is such a bad motherfucker That he got out of it And it looked like Ortega was done In the fourth round It looked like he was beaten down And he came back and he won the fifth round Dude it was one of the wildest fights I've ever seen in my life.

[1259] I've called a thousand fights at least maybe 1 ,500, maybe even 2 ,000.

[1260] I don't know how many fights I've called.

[1261] That, watching that shit from home, I was like, this is one of the wildest things I've ever seen in my life.

[1262] I was screaming.

[1263] I was probably 500 yards from them at the Park MGM.

[1264] All I got, I was doing a show at the Park MGM.

[1265] What time was your show?

[1266] Seven o 'clock.

[1267] Oh, you've got it gone.

[1268] What show was there, buddy?

[1269] I know.

[1270] The fight I wanted to see was was Nick and Yeah Nick and Robbie Lawler Nick and Robbie Lawler That's one I want to, I definitely want to see it Did you see it?

[1271] No, I didn't, I didn't, I got into the green room And they told me what happened And then I was like Here's my thought What people say that he shouldn't have fought He was doing really well He was off for six years And he was doing really well Against a world -class Straight -up killer and Robbie Lawler who used to be the UFC welterweight champion.

[1272] And Robbie Lawler, you could make an argument he's not in his prime, but he's damn close.

[1273] Like he's like right there.

[1274] He's still capable of beating a lot of fucking people in the UFC.

[1275] He's like a top 10 guy for sure.

[1276] Robbie Lawler is a kid.

[1277] Like what is Robbie Lawler ranked in the UFC's welterweight division?

[1278] He could beat anybody.

[1279] All he has to do is like you can't look at him by like some of the fights that didn't go so good because like you're a professional athlete in a sport that's brutal on your body but if you look at it what is he still capable of doing like it's not like he's physically incapacitated it's not he's really slowed down that much it's like what is he capable of doing what's capable of doing this beating the fuck out of people I think the level of competition he's gotten a little older but the level of competition has also gotten better they keep getting better and better and better you get the Tyron Woodley's yeah Kamau Usman comes along and takes it to another level like it's a wild sport What's crazy is that As a simple passerby Is I'm a fan of all of them Yeah Like I don't There's no loser in a fight And you and And then there's also no like Like I'm still a huge Nick Diaz fan Yeah well of course That's one of the beautiful thing About the sport Is that you don't have to be Undefeated to be special Like Connor McGregor's lost a bunch of times He's still the biggest draw In the sport I fucking love Connor McGregor If he comes back If he comes back with a metal leg And fights now Like people will still come to see him By the droves and they'll sing when he comes out and they'll fucking the Irish support him to the end Dude when he fought Nate Diaz I mean like Jorge Amazvedal I saw a fight on YouTube videos when I was on a Oh the bare knuckle fights Des Moines funny bone And I texted Tommy I was like You gotta check this kid out With the long The Kimbo Slice ones When he was fighting in the backyards Yeah And so like I've been fan I'm fans of all these guys So when they It's like Robbie Lauder and Nick Diaz I was like I don't I want them both to win You know I agree with what you're saying I try I try, even as a commentator, because I'm in a weird spot where I'm talking about the fights, I try to be as neutral as possible.

[1280] And that's why it was insanely hard when Brendan Chab was fighting.

[1281] Dude, that was watching Shab get beat up with some of the hardest.

[1282] It was so hard for me. It was so hard for me. It was so hard.

[1283] Because, like, I genuinely love that, dude.

[1284] Yeah.

[1285] And I saw where this was going.

[1286] And I was like, shit.

[1287] Like, you've got to get out.

[1288] Now, like, you've got to get out now.

[1289] Like, this is not something, there's a point of no return when a guy starts getting caoed by giants.

[1290] Giants.

[1291] I mean, like, Ben Rothwell.

[1292] You ever been around Ben Rothwell?

[1293] No. You want to feel like a feeble person?

[1294] No. Shake hands with Ben Rothwell.

[1295] And you go, oh, well, you could just eat me if you wanted to.

[1296] Yeah.

[1297] There's dudes out there like that, like Tom Erickson.

[1298] He was 300 pounds natural.

[1299] And one of the best wrestlers in M .A. He was 300 pounds.

[1300] They called him the big cat because he was 300, but that's Ben Rothwell.

[1301] That's a giant human being that should have a battle axe in his hand.

[1302] He should be showing up on a boat with one of them dragons at the front of it.

[1303] You know those fucking Viking notes?

[1304] Look at that, man. In another world, that guy would be fucking showing up at the front of the boat and you would have a real problem on your hands.

[1305] Jesus, man. There's a bunch of those dudes, man. I sat with Brandon when he was getting ready to tell the story about he's doing the Ari thing And Ari's like hit me up and he's like hey man We sit with Brendan and help him go over his story Help him figure it out And he told me the whole story of that fight with Travis Brown Yeah Travis Brown And it's fucking fascinating When you hear these guys talk about what goes to Especially I think Brandon's I don't mean this out of disrespect to anyone else but I think he's a little bit more a little bit more insightful about the things that maybe I would feel if I walked into the ring you know like who he sees and what and what's happening well he's also honest and he can make fun of himself yeah yeah it's a little more humble and like the sense and it was so connective like we sat we did like an hour he told me the soul story for an hour and then we kind of worked like talked about what what highlights a good story and what makes a good story is really fucking fascinating He's a great dude.

[1306] He really is.

[1307] He's a fun guy to be around.

[1308] That's why all his friends love him so much.

[1309] Yeah.

[1310] Like, people don't like him because he's, first of all, you know, whether you judge his comedy or judge his podcast or judge whether, you also have to judge how he looks.

[1311] And he's a beautiful man. And it's a real problem for people.

[1312] He's a beautiful man. He's like six foot five.

[1313] Great head of hair.

[1314] He's built like a fucking Adonis.

[1315] It really is.

[1316] It really makes people uncomfortable.

[1317] Me included him, his friend.

[1318] he just has massive advantage you get a hate on him but he's a great guy he's the sweetest guy in the world and I saw him getting hurt and I was like he doesn't really want to do this anymore but he's doing this it's like his idea it's incomparable because my martial arts competition days were very insignificant in comparison to his you know fighting he knocked out crow cop he knocked at Minotaro so I'm not trying to compare myself to him but I'm going to compare a moment in my life where I knew I had to stop competing because I wasn't really doing it anymore.

[1319] I was training sort of, but I was also doing stand -up comedy and I was working all day and I kind of knew that I had to get out, but it was my identity.

[1320] And I was 21 years old and I hadn't really figured out how to make like real plans for myself.

[1321] And I was realizing that I was training and competing with people that were way more into it than I was.

[1322] And I realized, oh, my God, I'm not into it the same way I used to be.

[1323] Like, I forgot what it was like when I was like at my peak when I was 19, when I was, I literally have no problems in the world.

[1324] I was young and stupid.

[1325] I was out of high school, so I didn't have to go to school anymore.

[1326] And I was taking a year off of school before I went to college.

[1327] And I had all this time to just train.

[1328] And I was obsessed.

[1329] And that's all I did was train all day.

[1330] But by the time I was 21, dude, I was training like four days a week, maybe five, and I wasn't training like it was my whole life I was doing it because it was like a thing that I always did and then I was fighting and then I realized it I was like I gotta stop now or I'm gonna get my brain scrambled because I'm meeting people who are like I used to be but I'm not like them anymore I had not I'd lost the obsession and I knew that Shob lost the obsession I knew that he was a great athlete and that early on in his career he's way better at what he does now he's way better at what he does now he's a great fighter dude don't get me wrong He choked out Matt Mitrione.

[1331] Like, people give him shit for what he did.

[1332] Matt Mitrione is a fucking pro football player athlete with serious knockout power.

[1333] Like, serious fucking KO power.

[1334] He's caoed Fedor, okay?

[1335] Wow.

[1336] Yes, exactly.

[1337] And Brendan Schaub choked him the fuck out, and he can do that.

[1338] He's really good.

[1339] I mean, knocked out Crow Cop.

[1340] Crocop is, like, legitimately one of the best strikers to ever fight in MMA.

[1341] And granted, it was Crow Cop later in his life.

[1342] Granted, it was Crow Cop after he had these wars in pride and then came over to the UFC.

[1343] And he had, it's just being a human, getting hit a bunch of times.

[1344] You lose something somewhere along the way.

[1345] So I don't think that was the Crow Cop that fought Fador the first time, but it was still motherfucking Crow Cop.

[1346] Yeah.

[1347] And Brennan Schaub caoed him.

[1348] So it's like he had it at one time, but you can see when fighters don't have it anymore when it becomes a job.

[1349] Like Joseph Benavita has just retired.

[1350] And one of the things that he said was that he realized he was that he realized he was not going to get a chance to fight for the world title again and he didn't want MMA to be just a job and it's a brilliant thing to say because it's brutally honest it's brutally honest and it takes it takes a sensitive intelligent person like him he goes I don't want this to be a job I wanted to be the best in the world he was very close to be in the best in the world he was most certainly number two for quite a long time and maybe even was number one but he didn't get a shot it was like you got you got a window as an athlete to be at your best before the tissue, just the RPMs and the fucking trauma of just, even just regular training, even if you're just, not even getting hit, just regular training, just hitting the bag, just fucking doing crossfit, just doing those kind of like kettlebell exercises and plios and jumping box jumps.

[1351] Your tissue is getting stressed everywhere.

[1352] How long can you do that for?

[1353] Like that hardcore at a world class level?

[1354] You might have 10 years in you.

[1355] You know, they say fighters, they have like nine years.

[1356] So, wait, here's my question, is like, what percentage of fighters that get, that, this is a tough question.

[1357] Meaning, what's the percentage of fighters that get into the UFC that fighters that try to get into the UFC?

[1358] Is it like baseball?

[1359] Because every kid plays baseball growing up.

[1360] Well, I think baseball is most certainly more popular than the UFC because it's in colleges, it's in high schools.

[1361] It's like a direct path, right?

[1362] To be an ace high school player.

[1363] You get into a good college and a scholarship.

[1364] You kick ass in that college.

[1365] You get drafted by the Yankees.

[1366] I mean, there's a direct path, right?

[1367] Yeah.

[1368] It's not such a direct path as an MMA fighter.

[1369] It's more complicated.

[1370] It's more complicated because, like, I look at a, I just started following Patty Pimbledon.

[1371] Yeah.

[1372] Patty the Batty.

[1373] I just like him.

[1374] Right away, one fight.

[1375] Dude, I just immediately like the kid.

[1376] And I go, I want to see more of him, you know?

[1377] Yeah.

[1378] It's amazing.

[1379] One fight in a U .S. Sean O'Malley, too, though.

[1380] Like, Sean O'Malley, I just, I see the one fight.

[1381] I think he hurt his foot, right?

[1382] Oh, dude.

[1383] Sean O'Malley is special.

[1384] He's special.

[1385] I love watching that dude fight.

[1386] He is a uniquely confident, wild motherfucker who's super creative.

[1387] And he's fucking, look, man, he's insanely good.

[1388] He's insanely good.

[1389] He's still getting better, too, man. That's the wild thing about that dude.

[1390] He's getting to Thomas Almeida, that dude he just fucked up, you have to understand who Thomas Almeida is.

[1391] Before Cody Garbrandt knocked out Thomas Almeida, Thomas Almeida was one of the best.

[1392] like shots to be a world champion.

[1393] Like you looked at him when he was coming up, when he was dominating people, when he'd get caught and hurt and still come back and knock guys out.

[1394] He was a gladiator.

[1395] Thomas Almeida was like he was someone to watch.

[1396] And Cody Garbrandt put the fucking knuckles to him in an insane way with this sidestep footwork, beautiful boxing, hit him with a perfect place right hand and knocked him out.

[1397] I mean, Cody Garbrant just fucked him up.

[1398] It was wild to see because Garbrose.

[1399] Brandt and Thomas Almeida at that time were both thought to be kind of on that same level like guys who were rising to the title and Thomas Almeida was fucking dangerous man for Cody to fuck him up that way was really super impressive so when you see Sean O'Malley fight Thomas Almeida and just pitch a shutout just a wild shutout and the pace is insane and KO him Rick really kind of twice I could have stopped him at one point in time and the referee let him go on and then he literally says to him like he puts his hands up and he's okay and he knocks him out when he's on the ground it was wild shit wild I saw I saw Jamie Kielstein do like a breakdown of that fight or talk about that fight dude Sean is insanely accurate his timing is just spectacular my point is so wait wait wait I'm hang on here's my question so those guys that come in and I mean this respectfully balls of blazing Sean O'Malley Patty Pimbledon Connor McGregor these guys that just show up with so much confidence how much confidence is walking into the ring how much success is walking in the room with that much confidence that much balls that much like Nick Diaz on his back giving the birds or on his back going like come on get me get me or his brother giving the birds it certainly means something confidence means something but you can have all the confidence in the world and you fight Anderson Silver in his prime and you're still fucked It doesn't mean jack shit The most important thing is skill Like a lot of guys have confidence Yeah Like all these guys having confidence is big It's a big part of the equation But it's so much fun to watch them But it's got They have everything right Like O'Malley's got a weird personality That's compelling So does, you know There's a lot of guys like that They have personalities Cowboy Yeah Is fucking compelling as a motherfucker Patty Pemilton All he's something about his haircut I want to follow him Dude I followed him I followed him as another guy In Open Tabs I didn't talk about because I was like I don't know how these guys received that but I just fucking watch every video about the guy you know fighters got upset by like how popular he was getting they were making all these memes where they were putting like his hair on a bunch of different fighters are you serious yeah there was like a whole series of them that were going around he don't know if fighters were doing it or if other people online were doing it but it was really fun who's the guy that he he's from the same town as that guy he's got the same type of accent neverpool darrentill darrett till I got into that guy yeah he's a fascinating guy too.

[1400] He's funny as shit.

[1401] He fought that last fight with the torn ACL.

[1402] He should not have fought.

[1403] Yeah, he should have got surgery in his knee but he decided if you look at him he didn't look like nearly as impressive as he generally does.

[1404] You know, he's a really fucking dangerous striker.

[1405] Darren Till's beaten Cowboy Soroni in his UFC, like, his real breakout fight.

[1406] He had a couple of fights in the UFC before that but he knocked out he beat Kelvin Gastlam.

[1407] Damn, I forgot about that one.

[1408] lost to Robert Whitaker I mean he's a really good fighter the big one was the Woodley fight because he had beaten Soroni by Kio that was his big breakout fight and then he beat Wonder Boy Thompson was one of the best strikers in the UFC and then he fought Woodley but Woodley beat him and then he realized that he was too small and Woodley beat him pretty handily he knocked him down and strangled him and then he realized he had to go up to 185 because he was a big dude I remember the first time I saw him I was standing next to him in the hallway like how the fuck does that guy make one 70 he was so big but there's a lot of those dudes just they just dehydrate the shit out of themselves, weaken themselves and then try to like recover as much as possible in 24 hours I don't know how they do that we did the weight loss challenge and I was like I was like I can't fucking I can barely eat pizza yeah you were almost dead by the end of it oh it was my point was I talking about Darren Till what was I saying about him because he's from the same place he's from Liverpool yeah but they're oh that he tore his ACL so oh yeah so his last fight I think I don't think it was very many weeks out like maybe two weeks or so out he tore his ACL in training and they were going to pull out of the fight but he said let me see what I can do with my ACL all fucked up not making excuses for the dude I like that shit I like that shit yeah there's a certain thing of that I don't know I like that shit like we guys fight injured hey Darren I apologize for what I'm about to say but he doesn't mean the apology I'm tell you right now When we were shooting my movie, I had torn my tricep, right?

[1409] And we had a fight scene left to go.

[1410] And I was just like, and I was like, I should be good.

[1411] And I do the fight scene, I do the fight scene, and I grab the guy.

[1412] And I hear three pops, like, dot, dot, dot.

[1413] And I'm like, oh, fuck.

[1414] I think it just went off the bone.

[1415] Like it's now retracting.

[1416] And listen, once again, Darren Till, much respect.

[1417] But I was like, I got that same, who's going to carry the boat's mentality?

[1418] and I look at the director and I go and I know this is bullshit pussy Hollywood stuff but I go let's get the fight scene I don't give a fuck I'm going into surgery let's get our fucking fight scene and I fucking threw punches With your left arm With my left arm Yeah because I had to throw fucking hooks With the end of the crib cage Did you worry about it like breaking off And flying across the room Who's gonna carry the boats?

[1419] Who's gonna carry the boats?

[1420] And let me tell you something All these motherfuckers I've talked about When I'm shooting that movie in my head I'm like do you get them a chance to do, Brian Rettel, you give him a chance to do the movie I just did, and he could do those fight scenes way better than I did.

[1421] You think he'd fucking tear a fucking tricep and go, hey guys, I got to tap out.

[1422] Yeah, he might.

[1423] He has a goddamn career in the UFC.

[1424] Yeah, but I fucking went hard as fuck.

[1425] If you're a professional athlete, you tear your tricep in a movie.

[1426] Just stop.

[1427] Stop filming the fucking movie.

[1428] I fucking blew the fuck out of this arm.

[1429] Well, that's good for you, man. You gutted it through.

[1430] I was like, dude, I was like, you get one.

[1431] one shot at these things I'm gonna fucking put everything into it and yeah it's fun to watch these guys go at it because you know I I realize just how much I couldn't fight like just because you have to do if that's what you really wanted to do you could do it and I don't mean this disrespectfully but I mean you could definitely do it like there's a lot of people who could do it it's like where are you now and how far would you have to travel in your mind to get to the place where you could do it but the idea that you couldn't do that and couldn't get there is But the throwing punches, throwing punches is not as, you know, I think a lot of men, like I watch a lot of these football stadium fights and you see these guys, yeah, and you see these guys throw punches and you go, oh, if I knew you're going to throw those punches, I wouldn't mind fighting with you.

[1432] Yeah, but there's also guys who will knock you the fuck out in those stands.

[1433] Well, yeah, but these fucking guys, these guys are the Cowboys jerseys.

[1434] I didn't see any punch I wouldn't be afraid of.

[1435] They're like these Rams guys.

[1436] But you're taking a chance.

[1437] You're taking a chance.

[1438] You're taking a chance.

[1439] You're going to run into Joe Schilling in a bar.

[1440] but I know oh dude was that not beautiful was that not beautiful you do not you do not get frisky with literally one of the best strikers on planet earth I was so quickly imagine you're an asshole talking shit at a bar and you accidentally do it to Joe Schilling you accidentally do it to a world boy tie champion it was I mean of all the fucking terrible roads to go down oh that was It happened so quickly that you go, it's so funny when you watch someone throw a punch who knows what they're doing and you go, oh, that guy's punch before.

[1441] Yeah, not just knows what he's doing.

[1442] He's a world champion.

[1443] He's an assassin.

[1444] He's a terrifying human.

[1445] I wish I'd been the bar back.

[1446] Just standing at that little perfect spot where you heard the guy say what he said.

[1447] You know he said something.

[1448] I don't know.

[1449] He did something too.

[1450] He didn't just say something.

[1451] He bumped his chest forward towards him.

[1452] like he bowed up on him like he was going to swing on him or something like you can't make a sharp quick move when you're talking shit with a world champion fighter he's not going to let you hit him the thing about like sucker punches and this is something that people have to realize in any encounter I'm not encouraging trained killers to go out and beat on people in bars but what I'm saying is the problem with sucker punching you're going to see it right here like Joe just tried to walk by him he doesn't say anything and the guy says something and Joe turns around and he does that where he bows on him and Joe just hits him with like four punches while he's like falling it's like you can't you can't just bow up on people because the problem with sucker punches is if a guy can punch and it could be some random person there's a lot of random people out there they might not be train strikers they might not be like world champion kickboxes but they know how to throw a punch it's like a lot of kids know I throw a baseball, okay?

[1453] If your uncle taught you to throw a punch, you could throw a good right hand.

[1454] If you just sucker punch someone, like out of nowhere, just throw a punch at them, they don't realize you're punching them until it's too late.

[1455] Because reaction time is way slower than action time.

[1456] It's a flaw in the human neuroscience.

[1457] If I go to slap you, you don't realize I'm slapping you until it's too late.

[1458] Until I've already been slapped.

[1459] Because there's a reaction time.

[1460] Yeah.

[1461] You know, and you have instincts that people build in that enhance that reaction time.

[1462] But the reality of a sucker punch is if you're close enough to someone and they say something to you and you don't expect it, there's some rudeness and they throw a punch, you can get knocked the fuck out.

[1463] Like, anybody can get knocked the fuck out.

[1464] Anybody can.

[1465] Anybody can.

[1466] Joe has lost by knockout in crazy fights.

[1467] You know, you've got to think of all the people, Anderson Silva's lost by knockouts.

[1468] A lot of people, Fador lost by knockouts.

[1469] Human beings can get knocked out.

[1470] The best ever can get knocked out.

[1471] And if some guy just flexes on you, you don't know what he's going to do next.

[1472] You have no idea.

[1473] And he didn't have an idea either.

[1474] That guy who did not say that coming.

[1475] No. I bet he woke up and he was like, did we do shots?

[1476] What happened?

[1477] He was one of Nick's training partners.

[1478] He's been a training partner of Nick's forever.

[1479] Nick Diaz.

[1480] That guy?

[1481] Joe Schilling.

[1482] Oh, my God.

[1483] I thought you meant the guy that got knocked out.

[1484] Oh, no way.

[1485] Wait, what the fuck?

[1486] Joe Schilling.

[1487] Yeah.

[1488] He was there at the Diaz fight.

[1489] And, you know, my thing about Nick Diaz is like, When I looked at him physically, I was like, I don't know how much he's been training.

[1490] Like, when Nick was in his prime, he was, like, really lean, and he was, you know, I mean, he's definitely, he's like an older guy now.

[1491] How old, though?

[1492] I think he's like 30.

[1493] I don't know.

[1494] How old is?

[1495] 38.

[1496] Is he really?

[1497] Yeah.

[1498] But the thing is, like, I don't think you can just jump back in that easy after six years out of a sport.

[1499] I think you'd probably need more time to prepare.

[1500] I don't know.

[1501] Kind of got fucked, right?

[1502] Well, I don't know how much time he had to prepare and why they agreed to do a fight on short notice.

[1503] Because I think it was only like six weeks notice, which I think is fine if you are, you know, Michael Chandler.

[1504] If you're in like peak form right now and you're ready to go and someone gives you six weeks, I bet you can get ready for a fight.

[1505] But if you're a guy who's been off for that long, you're going to need more time, I think.

[1506] I'm just guessing.

[1507] I don't know how much time it took him.

[1508] But my point was he didn't do that bad for a guy that was out.

[1509] six months.

[1510] You know, Robbie Lawler was pressuring him and he was putting it on him and he was definitely getting the better of the exchanges.

[1511] But it's not like Nick Diaz didn't have his moments and he definitely did.

[1512] He would just have to have really like way more time to prepare and he would have to really be like ready to go.

[1513] Like the old Nick Diaz, like the Nick Diaz that fought Anderson Silva, like the Nick Diaz that fought George St. Pierre, like the Nick Diaz that fought Paul Daly and Strike Force.

[1514] I mean, that dude was a fucking killer.

[1515] It's just like, can he still do that at 38?

[1516] Well, maybe we don't know if you just have one fight.

[1517] You need time.

[1518] Like, if your body hasn't been used to this stuff and you haven't been training as much as you were when you were in your prime, if you still want to do it again, like legitimately, physically, you probably can.

[1519] But it's like, you know, you've run a marathon.

[1520] When you start out and you run a mile and you're dead and you're like, I can't believe anybody can run 26 of those.

[1521] But if you do it over and over and over again, you build up.

[1522] I don't think he had a chance.

[1523] I don't think Nick Diaz had a chance to build back up after being off for that much time.

[1524] I think you get back to where he was Nick Diaz in his best.

[1525] You got to like, he's got to have some time.

[1526] Those Diaz brothers were great for their fucking, their pace.

[1527] They could last the whole fucking fight because they're cardio.

[1528] Well, they're always into triathlons and shit.

[1529] They got Crown Gracie into that, too.

[1530] Yeah, it's one of the reasons why he's so good.

[1531] I did a triathlon, most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life.

[1532] Oh, my God, man. I'm running the New York City Marathon.

[1533] What is that?

[1534] November 6th.

[1535] How are you doing that like this?

[1536] I don't know, Joe.

[1537] What the fuck you do?

[1538] I don't know.

[1539] You saw it pulverized your knees.

[1540] You saw it up into the cage.

[1541] I'll figure it out.

[1542] Robbie the other won't be there.

[1543] Why did you just make yourself smaller first?

[1544] I don't know.

[1545] We should do another cocktail.

[1546] I'm going to try to lose weight.

[1547] I'm going to try to lose weight.

[1548] But, you know, here's a thing about like...

[1549] Oh, here's a thing.

[1550] What's this?

[1551] I have some new whiskey.

[1552] Oh, what's this is...

[1553] This is what Canadians get drunk.

[1554] I believe this is a gift from Eliza.

[1555] Oh, great.

[1556] Wasn't it?

[1557] I think so.

[1558] Yes.

[1559] Thank you, Eliza.

[1560] She loves you, dude.

[1561] She's a mistake.

[1562] Eliza and I are very cool.

[1563] It was a mistake.

[1564] Very cool.

[1565] I love Eliza.

[1566] She thought she, you know, times we get caught, we thought we had an idea.

[1567] Hey, man, if you tried to.

[1568] That was in your head.

[1569] If you tried to go through all the times I thought I came up with something, come on.

[1570] I do it all the time.

[1571] I'm horrible.

[1572] I'm fucking horrible.

[1573] Yeah.

[1574] I'm consistently wrong.

[1575] That's what I love about you is that you say something and then you don't apologize.

[1576] You go, hey, this is who I am, man. You know, let's like, if you just shut up to a dance and then said, hey, that guy can't dance, you go, yeah, that's why we're here.

[1577] Yeah, you can't dance.

[1578] I don't know how to dance.

[1579] I don't know how to dance either.

[1580] Well, when I'm talking about ideas and people like, oh, you shouldn't express that because you're not an expert in that field, like, okay, for sure, but this is what I'm saying.

[1581] Don't listen to me. Don't take my advice, but this is my opinion.

[1582] I'm not be wrong I'm open to being wrong I love being wrong I really do Tell me what's wrong Tell me what who's Why are we deciding That people can't just talk about things I'm not an expert I shouldn't be considered an expert If you think that I shouldn't be able to shoot the shit With my friends Like I wouldn't in private But let you listen You don't have to listen But this is what we do This is what we've done from the beginning It's like if you go back to the fucking snowflake days.

[1583] Dude, I say, I said nonstop.

[1584] I remember, uh, I don't know, from what, you said something and everyone's like coming to me like, what do you think about what Joe said?

[1585] And I go, hey, oh, oh, it's, uh, Iber's, Ibermectin.

[1586] Yeah.

[1587] And I was on a podcast with Drew and he goes, so what do you think about that?

[1588] And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm glad you guys know my friend now.

[1589] I go, this is who he is.

[1590] He's always been at the forefront of anything, alpha brain, fucking, uh, fucking, uh, cortisol mushrooms.

[1591] You've always been curious about all that stuff.

[1592] Ever since that guy, Bill Romanowski, hit you up and talked about...

[1593] Yes, Neuro -1.

[1594] And I go, yeah, that's who my friend is.

[1595] I go, listen, I get...

[1596] How many times have you told me this is what you need to do?

[1597] Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

[1598] And then I go, okay.

[1599] And I go, that's who Joe is.

[1600] And I'm shocked that people are showing up to the dance now and going, I can't believe this is what he said.

[1601] And I go...

[1602] Well, the thing is they're saying that I shouldn't have been saying that I took a drug.

[1603] don't think should be taken for a disease.

[1604] I'm not judging anybody if that's earnestly what you were told in the way it was described to you.

[1605] It would sound ridiculous that some fucking meathead dummy who used to host Fear Factor and he's a cage fighting commentator was telling people that he took a horse dewormer.

[1606] I'd be like, that fucking moron, I get it.

[1607] But this is what you probably need to know.

[1608] and I'm going to send this to Jamie and I'm going to, I'm not saying, I'm going to be really clear with this, I'm not saying that I think that you should do anything with your life, whether it's get vaccinated or don't, I am not saying any of that.

[1609] I am just sending you something.

[1610] And I would do this if you were my friend.

[1611] I would do this.

[1612] I would go, what is this?

[1613] And I would talk to people luckily because of this podcast, I get to talk to people who are like legitimate science.

[1614] and I asked him about the data.

[1615] I'm like, can you sort this out?

[1616] This is from, was this from June of 2020?

[1617] Is that what it says?

[1618] Okay, June of 2020, it says, scroll, the FDA approved drug Ivermectin inhibits the replication of Sarve's COV2 in vitro.

[1619] What that means is that when they put it in, it was in a laboratory, in a laboratory setting, they showed that the, this Ivermectin, And this medication that they've used for river blindness and all sorts of parasites and they use it in Africa.

[1620] Like literally it's been given out billion, put that back up, it's been given out like billions of doses.

[1621] B .I. Billions says that it was an inhibitor of COVID -19 causative virus in vitro, a single treatment able to affect, I don't know what that's the way line is, 5 ,000 fold reduction in virus in 48 hours in cell culture.

[1622] That doesn't mean in humans.

[1623] It doesn't always work in humans.

[1624] Sometimes when they do things in labs, it doesn't work on people.

[1625] I'm not saying it does.

[1626] Ivermectin is FDA approved for parasitic infections, and therefore has a potential for repurposing.

[1627] Ivermectin is widely available due to its inclusion in the World Health Organization's model list of essential medicines.

[1628] So it's an essential medicine in the World Health Organization's list.

[1629] there's studies that show that at least in cells in like in a laboratory setting yeah it inhibits the growth of the virus but yet people will say you're taking horse tranquilizers like or medication that's not for humans like what what is happening here what is what is going on there well i'll tell you i'll tell you i don't know anything about ivermectin i will say i don't either i will say that i don't i want to say i don't either i'm just saying shit that i've read i don't like If you ask me what I know, I don't know who's right.

[1630] I don't know what's right.

[1631] I have a doctor.

[1632] One of my doctors said to me, you know, I get my heart checked up every nine months, getting ready to go on tour.

[1633] We do a physical.

[1634] I say, hey, man, you know, Joe's my friend, but like, tell me what, and he goes, number one, a protocol is a great thing to have.

[1635] A protocol for if and when you get the disease is a great thing to have.

[1636] That's what Joe had.

[1637] You had a protocol set up, right?

[1638] Like a mononucleosis or whatever.

[1639] Yeah, that's it.

[1640] I said, hey, get me that, the, the, the, the, the, the, like, all this shit you had.

[1641] What, what, what, what I find fascinating is that he goes, hey man, this is my, this is a, a doctor I have that I trust.

[1642] Yes.

[1643] He goes, I don't know.

[1644] Seems to be fine.

[1645] And then he tells me other stuff.

[1646] And then you're like, okay.

[1647] And you hear so much stuff from other people where it's like, hey, man, you need to get the booster of Johnson and Johnson's.

[1648] Hey, this Ivermectin works or the monotone.

[1649] anonucleosis works or all these things work, then I go, I don't know who to fucking listen to anymore.

[1650] It's hard.

[1651] Listen, they're figuring it out as the pandemic escalates and as the pandemic evolves.

[1652] They're figuring it out.

[1653] Like, I don't think it does anybody any good to get upset at people for making the wrong decisions at any point during this very confusing time, including the people that, look, there's people that thought everyone had to be on a ventilator.

[1654] It turns out that's not true at all.

[1655] It turns out that was, correct me if I'm wrong, that was bad.

[1656] Yes, it turned out to be bad.

[1657] Yeah, it turns out that when you put some people on ventilators, I mean, I don't come back.

[1658] Yeah, I don't know why.

[1659] Allegedly, I don't know.

[1660] But I think it was like a crazy number, like 80 % of the people they put on ventilators didn't make it.

[1661] I don't know if they wouldn't have made it anyway, right?

[1662] I don't know.

[1663] I'm just, what, this is just shit that I read.

[1664] It's just like, they learn as this thing goes along.

[1665] They figure out as this thing goes along.

[1666] In the beginning, we thought it was on surfaces.

[1667] Then they realized it's not on surfaces.

[1668] But we have to be, like, really careful in not, like, even if you get upset at me and you don't like me and what I stand for, a meathead, I'm a dummy, all those, all those things that I understand, you got to separate me from what I said.

[1669] Because I'm not saying it because it's my idea.

[1670] I'm saying it because some brilliant doctors that have helped treat people told me that.

[1671] and I know they were and I read a lot of papers on this I'm like well what is this really like why why has it been so effective in certain states in India why has it been so effective there's real like interesting aspects of this and the fact that it would get dismissed as horse medication just shows you how fucking weird of a time we're in it's a weird ass time it's very strange because here's what nobody gave a fuck about I got better in five days I was aware of that.

[1672] I think everyone was a little bit aware of that.

[1673] But that's not never discussed.

[1674] People say I take horse medication.

[1675] Like I still, I got better in five days.

[1676] And you tested negative in like, what, six?

[1677] Five days.

[1678] Five days.

[1679] But it wasn't that stuff.

[1680] It wasn't just, I don't think it was any one thing.

[1681] It was a bunch of the things, including the monoclonal antibodies.

[1682] That was a big thing.

[1683] Monoclobal, that's it.

[1684] Monoclobal.

[1685] I think also the NAD drips and the vitamin drips that I did every day.

[1686] You know, and I'm not saying that everybody has access to this.

[1687] I'm not saying.

[1688] of these things.

[1689] I'm not giving you decisions that you have to make based on my advice.

[1690] I don't have any advice.

[1691] I'm just saying it's weird that all the Hullabaloo was about a medication that I took that's made for human beings and none of it was about the fact that I got better so quick.

[1692] Yeah.

[1693] Well, dude, I said to my crew, we're going tour for the Bertie World Tour starts this week coming up.

[1694] Does that a shameless plug?

[1695] It's a hardcore because I know this conversation will go viral uh the uh starting augusta uh Montgomery Augusta but um I said to them I said hey man is if if we get a protocol set up who wants the Rogan cocktail every single one of them's like dude if I if I get fucking COVID I'm throw the fucking kitchen sink at it like why not what is it you know yes and it's and throw the kitchen sink at it for sure because no one wants to end up in a hospital you know that you young kid um amanda cloutts his husband yes and you look he got on the respirator right and and it was heartbreaking i followed that whole story horrible story whole horrible story he's a young guy and what uh you know you talk about the paths but like she was so upbeat during that whole fucking thing yeah what a fucking solid person she was singing songs to him and and and trying to like up lives his spirits and that poor kid went through the fucking ringer and that poor kid went through the That was a lot of times where you, I mean, you can't blame anyone.

[1696] No one knew what they were doing back now.

[1697] No one knew what was happening.

[1698] You know, Michael Yo was one of the first people.

[1699] I remember hearing that and going like, because I remember doing a podcast with you and then you did it with him, one with him.

[1700] And I was like, wait, this shit's real.

[1701] His doctor straight up said to him that if I put you in the ventilator, you'll die.

[1702] He said, you'll die.

[1703] Your lungs will stop working for themselves and you'll die.

[1704] And he's like, holy fuck.

[1705] And he got through it.

[1706] See, it was in the early days, man. I remember the, we don't have enough ventilators.

[1707] Yeah, that was a big thing, right?

[1708] The New York City thing.

[1709] Like, they were going to fill up all these different, like, event centers, right?

[1710] Yeah.

[1711] They're going to, was the Javitt Center?

[1712] Javitt Center.

[1713] Yeah, they're going to fill it up.

[1714] Or on the west side.

[1715] Is that what it is?

[1716] Yeah.

[1717] They do, they do, just so put it in perspective for people listening, they do huge trade events there.

[1718] Yeah.

[1719] Like, that is where a boat, a car show, a boat show would go.

[1720] And they would, and that is, they were going to fill it up with fucking ventilators?

[1721] I knew a dude who.

[1722] had a mob job there.

[1723] Yeah, he had a no -show job.

[1724] Buddy of mine, he got paid it.

[1725] He got a check every week.

[1726] He had a no -show job at the Javit Center back in the old days.

[1727] He was connected.

[1728] He was in the family.

[1729] I thank God I didn't get one of those.

[1730] He had a great job.

[1731] He had benefits.

[1732] He never worked a day in his life.

[1733] He just got paid.

[1734] There was a bunch of those, back in the 90s, back before the Internet was around, there was a bunch of people that had like weird shaky ass gigs oh i would love that you would have never got me into comedy if i got one of those the world of criminals was so different before the internet like people could do all kind like in that john goddy days oh the world of criminals was so wild you know yeah i do yeah al capone imagine going back to the world of al capone imagine being Al Capone.

[1735] During Prohibition, he's making money selling moonshine.

[1736] Buying houses in West Palm on the beach.

[1737] Dyes of syphilis.

[1738] I thought that's how I'd go out.

[1739] I thought so, too.

[1740] Syphilis.

[1741] It's like, I'd never know it until I was blind.

[1742] And then I was like, it's too late.

[1743] They can't fix it anymore.

[1744] Down.

[1745] I definitely thought I definitely thought I had syphilis.

[1746] We're like the highest concentrations of syphilis.

[1747] If you had a guess.

[1748] Don't say Liverpool.

[1749] I had a guess.

[1750] Don't say Liverpool.

[1751] That would be rude.

[1752] We're talking good about Liverpool.

[1753] I would say syphilis Where do you think Some swampy place, right?

[1754] No I would think it would be a swampy joint So it's got to be a place Here's where my brain goes High temperature I'm thinking low temperature Because you don't want to wear a condom When you're cold I don't think it's like that Really?

[1755] Oh, it's got to be Sierra Leone Sierra Leone It's got to be Sierra Leone Or If you were really cold You could fuck on a wetsuit on Oh Put me in that world Yeah Yeah, just open up the crotch.

[1756] I don't think it's a, I think it's a swampy disease if I had a guess.

[1757] I have no knowledge of syphil.

[1758] No, but you know what?

[1759] There's a lot of Europeans got it, man. Oh, for real?

[1760] Yeah, do you know where the, I'm sorry for everybody's heard this story before.

[1761] Do you know where the term bigwig comes from?

[1762] No. Bigwig comes from, it started out these two royals, and they had syphilis.

[1763] They were in France.

[1764] France and They were losing their hair and fucking they get holes in their face and shit and while they had syphilis when they were losing their hair They got wigs and then because they were royalty everybody wanted to copy that was like when Kanye comes out with a new outfit There's easy slides so all these dudes started wearing wigs So the more money you had the bigger the wig you were you wore and it meant you had syphilis so if you had no necessarily not necessarily dudes had to wear wigs because these guys wore wigs and so everybody was copying these guys but the reason they wore wigs was because they had syphilis and their fucking hair was falling out and you've ever seen syphilis injuries like when people like get holes in their face you can see through and see their teeth please pull that up yeah syphilis is wild when people die their nose falls off it's fucking terrifying shit your body just falls apart so these guys had syphilis and the fucking hair was falling apart so they got wigs so everybody wanted to be like them so they all got wigs All these regular dudes are like families and fucking, you know, faithful to their wife and have a garden and shit and going to church.

[1765] They were wearing a wig too because these marauding crazy royals were just fucking everyone getting syphilis.

[1766] Yeah, these are legitimate syphilis injuries.

[1767] I don't think I knew what syphilis was.

[1768] I've never had supplements.

[1769] Your nose falls off tissue damaged necrosis, all kinds of.

[1770] Okay, I don't have syphilis.

[1771] Isn't that what's called necrosis?

[1772] I got the clap in college.

[1773] lady's got a hole in her face from syphilis yeah her nose is caved in like she's got a hole in the center of her face oh my god yeah there's a lot of that a lot of that was syphilis people and it's not just your face too it's like lots of parts of your body start falling apart like that it's a rotten way to die yeah they would get holes in their face so they documented this but al capone had syphilis and did he have holes in his face make sure that's true make sure that's true i think that's true that alcobone died of syphilis um yep He had the syphilis dementia, so the holes must have been in his brain.

[1774] Oh, did he really?

[1775] It was in his brain.

[1776] Is that what they said?

[1777] Go to all.

[1778] So we can see if there's a story that, how did Al Capone?

[1779] Syphilis in the 30s?

[1780] Cephalis.

[1781] He died of syphilis.

[1782] Since there was no cure for syphilis in the 1930s, Coppone's illness worsened and led to his death at age of just 48.

[1783] That's me. That's you, dude.

[1784] Imagine?

[1785] I got the clap in college.

[1786] How is it?

[1787] I didn't like it Is it overrated?

[1788] I'll tell you what I didn't give it an applause break It was rough It was rough because It was rough because I think it was the first bout I had Of like OCD Where you go like I'm dirty now You know Where you're like This isn't this isn't the plan I had lined up I think some people Like myself I like I remember Our dog Priscilla Had knee surgeries I had a hard time with that Because I was like You see a dog with an ailment, you're like, God damn, I got a dog with hip dysplasia.

[1789] There's no perfection there.

[1790] And when I got the clap, it fucked me up because I'd only had sexed a few chicks.

[1791] You comparing your clap experience to a dog with hip dysplasia?

[1792] Very similar.

[1793] I'm just trying to find the logic.

[1794] Very similar.

[1795] I was almost identical.

[1796] Follow your thinking here.

[1797] It was the same thing.

[1798] I think it's an OCD thing where you go, I want life to be perfect.

[1799] And then when you're doing everything right and then you get the clap, you're like, I fucking followed the rules.

[1800] Like, how did this happen to me?

[1801] And it was hard for me. It was a hard, like, thing for me to figure out.

[1802] And then, because you then, you, every chick I ever had sex with afterwards, I always presented, like, just, you know, I had the clap in college.

[1803] So I always wanted to.

[1804] You always have to, I think.

[1805] You don't have to, I think, but I did.

[1806] But you don't have it anymore.

[1807] I didn't, yeah.

[1808] But it's not like, you know, something you can, if you, like.

[1809] I was.

[1810] That's how I, my brain works.

[1811] Like, the clap.

[1812] Like, the clap is like a classic VD.

[1813] Like, when was the clap?

[1814] When did that first guy?

[1815] It's gonorrhea.

[1816] When did that first - Is it gonorrhea?

[1817] That's the clap, right?

[1818] When did, it's a great name.

[1819] Why would you ever call it gonorrhea when you call it the clap?

[1820] The clap was so much easier.

[1821] It's a great name.

[1822] Like, why is it the clap, by the way?

[1823] I remember dudes, I won't say your name right now.

[1824] I remember dudes in my fraternity going, oh, it's a clap.

[1825] We all had the clap.

[1826] Here it is.

[1827] Why is gonorrhea called the clap?

[1828] Hmm.

[1829] What does it say?

[1830] Sometimes this clapping was done by smashing the penis between two.

[1831] Whoa, I should read before that.

[1832] Wait, what the fun?

[1833] Wait, I was supposed to slam my penis in two paddles?

[1834] Okay, here, it's the beginning.

[1835] No, why is it called the clap?

[1836] Will it make it a little smaller?

[1837] There you go.

[1838] Why is it called the clap?

[1839] There are a few different theories behind the nickname, but the one I like most has to do with an old -timey treatment.

[1840] Gonorrhea is a bacterial infection that can affect both the men and the women, but the men are more likely to show symptoms like greater frequency of urgency of urination, meaning they have to pee all the time or feel like they have to pee, but then nothing comes out.

[1841] They may also get swelling or redness in their penis or testicles or pus -like discharge.

[1842] Legend has it that once upon a time, people believe that clapping their hands hard on both sides of the penis could forcibly expel the pus and cure the infection.

[1843] You feel like that.

[1844] When you have it, you go, if I slam this against a wall right now, it would go away.

[1845] Sometimes his clapping was done.

[1846] by smashing the penis between two hard objects like two boat paddles.

[1847] You feel like that.

[1848] I fucking swear to God.

[1849] I was sitting in the ATO fraternity house thinking I got to get this to you.

[1850] It was so.

[1851] Go back.

[1852] Go back.

[1853] There's a table of different things.

[1854] But hold on a second.

[1855] Two hard objects like two boat paddles according to this article from the Women's Health Foundation.

[1856] What?

[1857] Or a book.

[1858] Or a book like the table.

[1859] or a book and a table like this public library science blog suggests but the women's health foundation has stories about dudes whacking boat paddles against their cocks to cure syphilis it was it was unbearable like unbearable why is that is that the only reference how do we know that that's not just someone clown on dudes and their dicks if I was the woman running the world health world women's health foundation what is it called again yes he said that The women's health foundation.

[1860] It's also called clap because clappier is a word for a French word for brothel.

[1861] Oh, another one.

[1862] Also a nest of rabbits.

[1863] Which have a reputation for being pretty sexually active.

[1864] Clapin.

[1865] Here's my question.

[1866] Who's patient, zero?

[1867] With the clap.

[1868] How's that come out?

[1869] Here's a better question, right?

[1870] Oh, better than that.

[1871] Ari Shafir had a theory we should call Ari to get it, that if no one had sex for three days, we get rid of herpes.

[1872] Um, no, because all the people had herpes keep it for life.

[1873] Ari's an idiot.

[1874] Oh, all right.

[1875] That is a stupid fucking thing to say.

[1876] That doesn't make any sense at all.

[1877] I'm certain I misquoted him.

[1878] So dumb.

[1879] I bet you did because he wouldn't say that.

[1880] If he did, he say, they go, oh, oh, what the fuck was I thinking?

[1881] Fucking Ari.

[1882] Oh, fuck is I thinking.

[1883] Yeah, that doesn't make any sense, bro.

[1884] You keep herpes for life.

[1885] That's so crazy.

[1886] The, uh, I remember getting the clap and the doctor just telling me, like, Hey man, I can just give you the pills or I can give you the test, but you just want the pills I was like, I don't have to clap.

[1887] And he's like, no, you definitely got it.

[1888] Like, yeah, trust me. What do you have to take?

[1889] It was just like amoxicillin, I think.

[1890] It's like a penicill in type of deal?

[1891] They don't give you a shot?

[1892] No, it was pills.

[1893] And it was like 10 days of pills.

[1894] You had to stay sober.

[1895] I was in college.

[1896] I was like fucking rough.

[1897] For 10 days.

[1898] The oldest virus ever found is a sexually transmitted disease.

[1899] Whoa.

[1900] It's in Kazakhstan.

[1901] Oh, hepatitis B, proven to be 4 ,500 years old.

[1902] Look at this.

[1903] Okay, let's say it the way it's printed because I'm an idiot.

[1904] A virus found in the genetic fragments of several remains in Germany, Kazakhstan, Poland, and Russia were shown to have remnants of an S -T -I -Hepidus B proving to be 4 ,500 years old.

[1905] So that's for sure back then they had hepatitis.

[1906] Oh, yeah.

[1907] Are you going to get hepatitis from, like, just drinking, right?

[1908] No. Or like liver failure or something.

[1909] Yeah, fuck.

[1910] No, I think hepatitis is a disease.

[1911] I'm trying to say just shy of that.

[1912] I think hepatitis is like something you catch.

[1913] It's like a virus.

[1914] Well, I know we got hepatitis.

[1915] Right?

[1916] There's alcoholic hepatitis.

[1917] That's what I'm looking for.

[1918] Caused by drinking too much alcohol.

[1919] But you have signs.

[1920] But is it the same?

[1921] How is it possible that something you can get through sex, you can also get through drinking?

[1922] Isn't that a, shouldn't they come up with a new name?

[1923] It seems like you get it at the same time.

[1924] Is it the same?

[1925] But isn't it, is it the same thing?

[1926] Like if you.

[1927] I think it's, so, so, uh, I've met a couple of heroin addicts and they get, are afraid of hepatitis, that one.

[1928] Right.

[1929] The drunk one.

[1930] It's a liver failure thing.

[1931] Right, but why is it called hepatitis if a hepatitis is also something that you get from sexually transmission, sexual transmission?

[1932] right how is it possible that those two are the same things that's why i only party and i don't fuck well it's also like why we're both not scientists probably yeah we don't understand yeah they're trying to fit they're like in my head there's got to be something they're calling it a different hepatitis for a reason so they just make up another name yeah it could just be like so lazy i get a hepatitis a shot correct like if i travel i get a hepatitis a shot and what do you get hepatitis a from for uh drinking bullshit water like like if you go to thoms at his house, and his son gives you toilet water.

[1933] I get a hepatitis A shop before I go there.

[1934] But, like, yeah, it's crazy the way that pills, that medicines change, ketamine.

[1935] When I was in college, ketamine, cat tranquilizer, you partied with it, right?

[1936] Isn't it weird how you're scared to drink toilet water, but you're not scared to eat ass?

[1937] I'm not afraid to eat ass at all.

[1938] Isn't that kind of crazy?

[1939] Well, we clean it up first.

[1940] How much do you clean it up?

[1941] Do you clean it up like a whole bowl of water?

[1942] No, I don't.

[1943] The floor is probably lake leaner than ass.

[1944] And you're like, get that toilet water away from me. What I would do is I'd chug that in front of that kid.

[1945] I let him know.

[1946] You want to know about eating ass now?

[1947] Yeah.

[1948] Want to know what I'm scared of?

[1949] It'd been great if Tom just grabbed it, killed it, and goes, I want to tell you something about me and your mom.

[1950] His son's like, huh?

[1951] He's like, I eat her asshole, too.

[1952] Hey, hot one coming in.

[1953] Five years old, finding out about eating ass.

[1954] What year do you think you were when you found out about eating ass?

[1955] I thought you were going to say about, well, it was the same time I ate ass.

[1956] Like, I didn't know you could do it until I did it, yeah Did you fall asleep and then wake up and lick the wrong thing?

[1957] No, I fucking loved eating ass.

[1958] I loved eating ass.

[1959] I loved the, I loved spitting in mouths.

[1960] I, like, I loved all of that.

[1961] When I was young, it was like, it was almost like, do you remember when your parents would leave you at home and you just were like, I'm going to jack off 20 times today?

[1962] Am I the only one?

[1963] No, that's a lot.

[1964] That's a lot.

[1965] Like twice.

[1966] Twice.

[1967] I've done twice.

[1968] I remember when exploring my heterosexuality and college and being like I'm doing every page of the book exploring your heterosexuality yeah like someone went to explore their homosexuality right I explored my heterosexuality and I did every page and I can't just be your sexuality because I want to let them know that they're represented as well I get I met a gay dude when I moved to New York and he talked me talked to me about being gay and I was it was like it was like it was like yeah I got fucked out of a loft the other day and I was like what oh out of a loft He got, and he had a black eye, and he came in.

[1969] Oh, you fell off the top?

[1970] Guy was fucking pounding him and, oh my God.

[1971] And I was just, I remember hearing about that and be like, whoa.

[1972] And then I realized, like, if you look at sexuality, I did the same shit.

[1973] In college, I was like, I wasn't, like, great at sex in high school.

[1974] I was really bad.

[1975] I did it.

[1976] Did you study?

[1977] No. Did you get better at?

[1978] Did you get a coach?

[1979] Dude, my, my, for losing my virginity was a fucking nightmare.

[1980] Like, I, I didn't put the - Did you fuck a ghost?

[1981] Mark Norman and I Mark Norman and I were in Europe I came down We were both hung over as fuck And you ever have You ever be in a shower And the wind's blowing So the curtain keeps touching your body Every day Every day in my life Mark's in the worst place He's hung over his fucking shit Shit in blood throwing up Really?

[1982] Mark can't hang for anybody Well he can't hang with you Listen I run that dude into the dirt You're uncomfortable your ability to absorb alcohol makes me uncomfortable I'm like I enjoy now put Mark into a into a into a into a into a into his heels he can't fuck with you he shouldn't be trying but he's he parties I got him IVs every fucking morning not big enough you're you're you're you're encompassing much more mass that's a factor so I wake up I get down to the bus or the car or whatever to go to the airport and Mark's just not feeling good and I go I've told I told Mark Norman might be a buck 70 right maybe oh no not even that much.

[1983] How much did he would hold him down, right, Jamie?

[1984] He's not too far off from me. I'm like $195.

[1985] At the most, I would say he's in the 70s.

[1986] I don't think he's...

[1987] 25 pounds less than me, really?

[1988] So bird has got to be 240.

[1989] I'm 240 right now.

[1990] Yeah, see, that's a large difference.

[1991] For the amount of volume that the alcohol's going through?

[1992] Because I keep them at my pace.

[1993] I keep him at my pace.

[1994] And you know this motherfucker has a swollen liver.

[1995] You know his liver is like extra large.

[1996] Pull up my fucking cedar cyanides.

[1997] No, not bad.

[1998] It's just like a, like a, like, you know, Roy Jones Jr. has one gigantic left bicep and his right biceps normal size.

[1999] Really?

[2000] Yeah, he's like, his production company is called left hook productions.

[2001] Because Roy Jones Jr., a lot of times you wouldn't even lead with the jab.

[2002] Like, you would just lead with the left hook because his left hook was so lightning fast.

[2003] And because he threw it so many times, his left bicep is gigantic.

[2004] Look at his left bicep.

[2005] Holy shit.

[2006] Yeah, it's wild, dude.

[2007] It's wild.

[2008] Oh, so that's my liver and that's Mark Norman's liver.

[2009] Exactly.

[2010] That's what I'm trying to tell you.

[2011] That liver gets work.

[2012] That liver gets work like Roy Jones Jr.'s left bicep.

[2013] Yeah.

[2014] I put in the work, brother.

[2015] And I get up, I get up like my favorite thing.

[2016] And this is something that, like I said, this podcast is brought to my brain is the benefits of busting your ass on a treadmill at like six in the morning, five in the morning.

[2017] And putting in work after you partied all night and getting, flooding that system, water and feeling great, right?

[2018] Yeah, you got to, you know what else is really good, too?

[2019] Glutothion.

[2020] Glutothion is my bitch.

[2021] Yeah.

[2022] I love that shit.

[2023] You get it on every IV.

[2024] I get it on every IV.

[2025] It's really good.

[2026] And it actually helps you metabolize alcohol.

[2027] Make sure that's true.

[2028] Again, please, ladies and gentlemen, if I'm having a discussion.

[2029] If I'm having a discussion about anything other than MMA, Jiu -Jitsu, comedy, maybe playing pool.

[2030] Don't listen to me. That's what I know.

[2031] I know those things fairly good.

[2032] I get glututton on every time.

[2033] And then I get the big vitamin C, two vitamin Bs, 12 and 7 or whatever.

[2034] And then I get a and then my other thing is magnesium.

[2035] Magnesium.

[2036] Magnesium.

[2037] Vitamin C is huge if you're sick too.

[2038] What's worse than poor sleep, bad diet, stress.

[2039] And drinking alcohol, drastically deplete your glutathione levels and restrict natural replenishment.

[2040] When there is not enough glutathione available in your blood, cells, and liver, these toxic chemicals start to build up in your body.

[2041] So it says NAC, which I also take, increases your body's ability to produce glutathione, which is great because I eat that too, bitch!

[2042] What's NAC?

[2043] How do I get that?

[2044] You got some here on it on it?

[2045] We'll tell you in a minute.

[2046] I forget how to say it, but we'll tell you in a second.

[2047] which is a glutathione which is an antioxidant that can reduce the toxicity causing your painful hangover NAC is also a useful nutrient for liver support and doesn't have any major side effects making it ideal for combating your hangover without adding nausea or drowsiness I forget what it I get that every time how do you say it okay NAC is that's it right there that's it click on that It's N -acetyl -sistine.

[2048] N -acetyl -sistine is an antioxidant that that may play a role in preventing cancer as a drug.

[2049] It's used by health care providers to treat.

[2050] What is that word?

[2051] Oh, cidaminophenitalino -overdose.

[2052] So I take that stuff.

[2053] And glutathione, Dr. Mark Gordon was the first person to explain that to me. And he endorses, he says you should take liposomal glutathione if you want to take a supplement for glutathione.

[2054] Because it's really good to take as you're drinking.

[2055] I take, right when you're done.

[2056] I got to the place where I was like, I think, so I started doing IVs right after I got a dose by Ari.

[2057] I started doing IVs.

[2058] And I was like, they're fucking super helpful.

[2059] Super helpful.

[2060] And then I heard you guys, I don't know if I'm telling tales and edited it about it if I am.

[2061] But, like, you guys were on the road with Chappelle.

[2062] And Chappelle's like, yo, IV up, let's go.

[2063] He was the first guy that introduced me to IVs on the road.

[2064] We did, we've done a few shows together, but when the first ones we did together was in Tacoma.

[2065] So we did the show in Tacoma, and then he has, like, IVs everywhere.

[2066] I mean, it's like, everybody gets a vitamin drip IV and glute a thion.

[2067] I'm like, I'm in.

[2068] So we all sat around a hotel room and got fucking IV drips.

[2069] It was awesome.

[2070] The greatest thing, man. You feel like almost immediately slightly more vibrant.

[2071] If you're aware of your body and you have like, if you work out all the time, you have a pretty good sense of like how hard you can push it or where it feels at a certain time.

[2072] That's why you, that's one of the best ways to know if you're sick, right?

[2073] Yeah.

[2074] To understand your body.

[2075] When you get like a little jolt, you're like, ooh.

[2076] Yeah.

[2077] This is something.

[2078] Like, I don't think this is just a placebo effect.

[2079] There's something to this, right?

[2080] Yeah.

[2081] Dude, we got them.

[2082] Jamie, if you pull up my Instagram, I had the most beautiful morning planned.

[2083] We did Red Rocks the night before, right?

[2084] Look at you guys.

[2085] A bunch of junkies out there.

[2086] My wife's in.

[2087] I'm in.

[2088] Dave Williamson.

[2089] Tom Hayslip, Dave's wife.

[2090] Mark Norman.

[2091] Who's the guy with the mask in the back?

[2092] What's he scared of?

[2093] That's actually our doctor.

[2094] That's the guy administering them.

[2095] The doctor's got a mask on.

[2096] Everybody else is drunk.

[2097] Shout out to Rocky Mountain IVs.

[2098] Yeah.

[2099] Look at the doctor.

[2100] We're all drinking.

[2101] The doctor's stepping way back.

[2102] It's like, thank God.

[2103] This shit doesn't transmit outside.

[2104] Do you.

[2105] We all got IVs.

[2106] I ordered them.

[2107] I got them under the trees.

[2108] Do you have a mosa in your hand?

[2109] I do have a mimosa.

[2110] You're drinking a mimosa while you have an IV.

[2111] I just did Red Rocks the night before.

[2112] I had the greatest night of my fucking life.

[2113] Don't be defensive.

[2114] I'm asking question.

[2115] I got everyone IVs.

[2116] This is the first round.

[2117] We got another round.

[2118] And then we all went out.

[2119] Went to Jimmy Buffett that night.

[2120] We got him the night before the show.

[2121] Mark Norman goes, the guy goes, you want nads?

[2122] Mark goes, I've never had it.

[2123] Let's try it.

[2124] I'm like, Mark, you're about to perform in front of 10 ,000 people.

[2125] Maybe you don't want to try a brand new drug.

[2126] And he goes, ah, Rogan does it?

[2127] Let's do it.

[2128] and Mark comes off.

[2129] He's like, that's the best goddamn thing I've ever felt my life.

[2130] It feels good.

[2131] How long do you guys do it for like two hours?

[2132] Mark, I think they did the shot.

[2133] Oh, that's good too.

[2134] The shot's a good too.

[2135] I've done that.

[2136] That's actually way more comfortable.

[2137] The drip is uncomfortable.

[2138] Dave Williamson gets the shot and he goes, doesn't know what it is.

[2139] Then he goes, whoa.

[2140] Yeah, yeah, for a few minutes.

[2141] Oh, I think I'm having an heart attack.

[2142] And I go, is that the NAD thing?

[2143] And he goes, is there a side effect?

[2144] He goes, oh, you feel tightness in your chest, little uneasiness, you're like going to throw up.

[2145] It feels like a heart attack, but you're going to be fine.

[2146] Dave's like, grr.

[2147] Yeah, the drip is worse.

[2148] Really?

[2149] Yeah, that's why they do it over two hours.

[2150] You sit there for like, you can watch a movie or something.

[2151] I could do that.

[2152] It's comfortable.

[2153] You know what I wouldn't do.

[2154] Yeah, just watch a movie, and you don't even notice that it's in your arm.

[2155] I want to do the hyperbaric chamber?

[2156] You know it, yeah.

[2157] Yeah, I did 60 of those over 90 days.

[2158] That's what I want to know about.

[2159] Gabby Reese.

[2160] Gabby Reese calls me up right after I get my surgery.

[2161] By the way Huge shout out to Gabby and Laird They're awesome humans They're just good people They're amazing and they're giant When you're around them You're like oh I'm so tiny They call me up They call me up And you know what I love I'm a FaceTime motherfucker I like that too I love FaceTime everyone I don't give a fuck I like when people FaceTime me I don't expect it I like that even more Like I'm taking the shit FaceTime from from Gabby Reese Right I'm making coffee And it's Laird Hamilton And I go I like panic right This is like a dude, I've watched surf on YouTube.

[2162] I've known this guy since North Shore.

[2163] I know this guy.

[2164] And I know Gabby, I went to Florida State.

[2165] And I'm like, look.

[2166] And he goes, hey, man, I appreciate you promoting, you know, the health stuff, the turmeric and the coffee.

[2167] Coffee shit is amazing.

[2168] Coffee's amazing.

[2169] I go, man, I'm a big fan.

[2170] And then Gabby real quick, pulls the phone away.

[2171] She's like, all right, that's like, okay.

[2172] Hey, what's going on with you?

[2173] Just a good person.

[2174] She was like, you need to get in the hyperbaric chambers.

[2175] She's great for healing.

[2176] Fix that arm of yours.

[2177] She's like, what's your protocol?

[2178] And I'm like, Gabby, you're talking with the wrong motherfucker.

[2179] I remember I was on news radio and I did a celebrity volleyball game once.

[2180] And she was there.

[2181] And there was this dude from Baywatch who was there.

[2182] And one of the kids from home improvement was there.

[2183] And I had a serious case of imposter syndrome because nobody knew who I was.

[2184] You know?

[2185] And I was there.

[2186] And I was like, wow, that's Gabby Reese.

[2187] Like, that's the lady from the Olympics.

[2188] Yeah.

[2189] That's the kid from home improvement.

[2190] And I'm like, that's that dude from Baywatch.

[2191] And literally, I don't even think I was on news radio then.

[2192] I think I was on Hardball.

[2193] I think it was on that Fox show.

[2194] No one knew how I was.

[2195] And I remember, like, I get texts from her every now and then.

[2196] I'm like, I remember, like, I saw you at that volleyball game.

[2197] And I was like, can't believe she's really right there.

[2198] Yeah.

[2199] Oh, dude, she was, like, growing up in Florida, she was a legend.

[2200] And I know she wouldn't be comfortable with this.

[2201] But, like, she went to Florida State.

[2202] That was the one person that jumped out.

[2203] Her and Dion jumped out of Florida State and went on to a global scale.

[2204] TV for her, Dion the pros.

[2205] She's a legit, like one and a million athlete too when she was a volleyball player.

[2206] Different, different.

[2207] And you know what good people there are?

[2208] They hit me up when Tom got hurt.

[2209] And they were like, hey, let us know about Tom's recovery.

[2210] We want to help them out.

[2211] We're doing stuff in the pool.

[2212] That might be good for his...

[2213] Like, that's how their brains work.

[2214] Yeah, dude, Laird Hamilton is a special kind of freak human, man. When you see that, like, a lot...

[2215] Like, people overuse that word, like, freak.

[2216] And I'm probably guilty of it myself.

[2217] Listen to me on this one.

[2218] Listen to me on this one, because I'm not fucking around.

[2219] That guy, he told me he does an airdine machine inside a sauna.

[2220] So he gets a sauna with oven mitts.

[2221] Oven mitts on.

[2222] Yeah.

[2223] He's doing these wild things where he's taking like 75 -pound dumbbells and jumping into the pool and swimming while holding a 75 -pound, you know how fucking hard that is?

[2224] Dude, I watched him the first time in a polar plunge.

[2225] And now I had done them because I thought there was a cool thing.

[2226] I saw some.

[2227] What's a polar plunge?

[2228] You jump into the frozen lake or something?

[2229] No, no, the same thing you do.

[2230] Oh, oh, the ice bath.

[2231] Yeah, the ice bath.

[2232] Yeah.

[2233] I watched him in an ice bath do like four minutes or six minutes.

[2234] Something like something crazy, maybe eight minutes.

[2235] I don't know.

[2236] And I remember saying, I remember going like trying it and I could do one minute.

[2237] Yeah.

[2238] And you're looking at him top to bottom in ice.

[2239] And I go, so the human body can do that.

[2240] yeah the human body can definitely do it but you have to be really careful the reason why you have to be careful is because a guy like that or a guy you know like even Wim Hof like Wim Hof like we discovered he could do like an hour and 20 or something like that something insane a regular person who's not accustomed to those kind of conditions and doesn't know their limit the problem is like you can get to a point of no return where you could really hurt yourself Were you lower your body temperature?

[2241] I've done that before you can get legit hypothermia and when I got I did 20 minutes inside that ice bath I saw that I was like hmm I was freezing like I drove to work in 95 degree Texas heat or whatever the fuck it was 90 degree Texas heat and I kept the windows rolled up and I kept the AC off the whole time and I was still freezing I was freezing all the way to work I couldn't I watched you So, like, so just before you did one minute, I had done four minutes.

[2242] My personal trainer is Tate Lacey Mackey, Tate Fletcher's.

[2243] Sure.

[2244] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2245] She's amazing.

[2246] Amazing.

[2247] So we get, we're all, we do these Saturday morning trainings where our four families, we call them the campers.

[2248] We all go and train together, and Lacey's our coach.

[2249] And she does fun things for the whole family.

[2250] But more importantly, we do a little bit of sauna, a little bit of polar plunge for all of us.

[2251] Yeah.

[2252] So we got, we had this bathtub.

[2253] We hadn't built the house yet with a bathtub that was going to our master bath.

[2254] We get like 300 pounds of ice, dump it in the bathtub.

[2255] It's in a box out in our backyard.

[2256] And she goes, four minutes.

[2257] You should do four minutes.

[2258] And I've only done a minute at that time.

[2259] And she teaches us, we all go into the gym.

[2260] She does over -oxygenated breathing, right?

[2261] So we all breathe really hard and get our breath up.

[2262] So not hallucinogenic, but we breathe really hard.

[2263] And then she teaches us box breathing.

[2264] And she goes, all right, well, so we'll do box breathing when you're in there.

[2265] She's doing six, six, and six?

[2266] Four and four.

[2267] And by the way, I apologize if I'm doing the wrong thing.

[2268] And Lacey's, Lacey, feel free to correct me. But four breasts in, hold for four breasts, four breasts out, hold for four breasts.

[2269] So it's like for four, hold for four.

[2270] Oh, you mean seconds.

[2271] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2272] Four seconds, hold for four seconds, and then relax for it.

[2273] Out for four and then hold for four.

[2274] And so we do four second Brock's breathing.

[2275] I go in first, and Joe, I swear to you.

[2276] I think it's online, Jamie, but you know, it up I've only done a minute at this time I think I did four minutes four minutes and I was like after the box breathing do a box breathing I was like she was like panic breath panic panic coaching us through it you got to watch on us and then my my daughter goes in Georgia 17 years old she goes you can do this George and George gets in and does fucking four minutes and and then all the kids go in they do this box breathing four minutes now my daughter Ila is obsessed with it and I got the renews I wish I knew the name of it Renew like legit polar plunge like you got but it's a I think it's called Renew or something Renew I'm so sorry for that guy that I so he would love for me to say it right right now We'll figure it out Jamie'll find it We got it my backyard and my daughter Isla loves to go in there Box Breathe for four minutes and fucking pound out Yeah there's a thing about the cold exposure is people get really excited about how you feel afterwards.

[2277] Yeah.

[2278] Because when the rush of all your blood goes to your core to try to keep your organs alive and then you get out and it all floods to your body you feel amazing.

[2279] Yeah.

[2280] And that was explained to me by Dr. Rhonda Patrick.

[2281] Shout out to her.

[2282] Shout out to her.

[2283] That woman's a sad.

[2284] That woman, I've texted her a million times and thank you to that woman.

[2285] She's always replied and been like maybe you don't want you know dot dot dot you should try the yeah she's super cool she's like you know i've been friends with her forever she's a fascinating person but one of the things that uh i had a chance to do was see her first time ever in a cryo chamber i took her to cryotherapy in woodland hills after the podcast we all went down there and jamie you went in there too right didn't we all go in there that day we all went in there and she did three minutes and she came out she's like oh my god okay now i get it and she's like as a scientist she's explaining Oh, my God, the norepinephrine.

[2286] It's running through my veins.

[2287] Oh, shit.

[2288] Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was pretty dope.

[2289] Didn't we film that?

[2290] Didn't I film her?

[2291] It's probably on your...

[2292] I think it's on the Instagram.

[2293] I'm 99 % sure.

[2294] I would love to see that.

[2295] I filmed her coming out of the cryotherapy chamber the very first time she ever did it.

[2296] But that feeling is what...

[2297] Yeah, there it is.

[2298] That's her, but I think there's a video if you find out whatever that day is.

[2299] It's like that same day.

[2300] Now, there was the same people on Ventura that I think Joey, and I hooked up with.

[2301] Yeah, yeah, yeah, Woodland Hills.

[2302] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2303] Is that where it is?

[2304] Yeah, cryotherapy, Woodland Hills.

[2305] And I'd go in, and they'd recognize me, and they're like, hey, Joey Diaz was just in here.

[2306] I was like, oh, you could pick your music and go in and just fucking jam out every time food fighters.

[2307] Every time.

[2308] There goes my hero socks and gloves on.

[2309] That's nice.

[2310] You know what my go -to movie song was?

[2311] What?

[2312] Dragon Attack by Queen.

[2313] Wait, what's that song?

[2314] Oh, my God.

[2315] You don't know that song?

[2316] Uh -uh.

[2317] Well, since we're on.

[2318] on Spotify.

[2319] Oh, shut up.

[2320] Young Jamie, get dragon attack.

[2321] Listen, we'll find out.

[2322] They haven't kicked us off yet.

[2323] Dude, I'm still living off.

[2324] Fear Fockered money.

[2325] I'm ready to go!

[2326] Let's go!

[2327] This is my freezing to death music.

[2328] 250 degrees below zero.

[2329] I have oven mitts on, these mitts on, and then I would have the ear muffs on.

[2330] You have to put the ear muffs up because you want to keep your ears from freezing and your hands.

[2331] And then I always put my hands right over my junk because that would also get cold.

[2332] doesn't make sense.

[2333] And that would dance.

[2334] Oh, this is a good song.

[2335] This is my song.

[2336] This is my I'm Freezing a Death song.

[2337] I knew exactly where it would cut off.

[2338] Really?

[2339] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2340] Sometimes it'd be a problem.

[2341] I would need another song.

[2342] It's four minutes and 27 seconds, so I had a lot of songs that were like 2 .30, like some old school ACDC songs.

[2343] It didn't quite make it until like three minutes.

[2344] But this is a good solid.

[2345] So hear me Freezing a death God With a mask on by the way It was my first experience With surgical mask Oh This is a good freezing song It's good because a lot of people Don't know about it too I found out about the song from Joey Diaz He pulled into the comedy store pocket I was cock sucker come listen to this And it's like Do do do do He goes dragon attack motherfucker Joey Diaz should be on Spotify And just do a Joey Diaz DJ channel Oh, my God, it'd be the most amazing show on Spotify.

[2346] Because he's so good at walking you through a song.

[2347] Oh, my God.

[2348] And he's a giant music fan.

[2349] Hardcore.

[2350] That'd probably be the best thing that he could ever do.

[2351] Other than his comedy, like Joey Diaz doing a podcast where he just breaks down music.

[2352] How great would it be?

[2353] You come home late night, right?

[2354] You come home from the store with a comedy club, and you get back to your man cave and you smoke a little weed.

[2355] You get a cocktail.

[2356] Uncle Joey.

[2357] Uncle Joey's doing it.

[2358] Just call it Uncle Jody Radio.

[2359] And have him on Spotify with all of his favorite music.

[2360] music and then tell stories.

[2361] Tell stories about how Robert Plant used to go on stage every night wearing a shirt of the girl he fucked the day before.

[2362] Dude, or a Joey Diaz pump you up.

[2363] Let me tell you something, cocksucker.

[2364] We're fucking America.

[2365] And you hear fucking rambling man come on.

[2366] Can you play Rambling Man by this is, imagine Joe.

[2367] No, no, no, no, by a rambling, gambling, gambling by a, trying to make you living.

[2368] Not that one, not that one.

[2369] That's all my brothers, dude.

[2370] Joey Diaz turned me on to, uh, A damn Fogarty.

[2371] What's the guy's name?

[2372] Rambling Gambling Man. Who sings it?

[2373] Joey Diaz should definitely do this.

[2374] He, you, when, when.

[2375] You're talking about Bob Seeger?

[2376] Bob.

[2377] Joey Diaz.

[2378] Joey Diaz tell you.

[2379] I ain't good looking, but you know I ain't shot.

[2380] Joey Diaz said, let me take yourself a cuckucka.

[2381] We're fucking Americans.

[2382] This city was built on Detroit.

[2383] The car.

[2384] People got confused about Bob Seeger because of that, like, lack of rock.

[2385] This is the real Bob Seeger.

[2386] I was born lonely.

[2387] Lonely down by the river side.

[2388] That's good luck.

[2389] But don't do they get hot.

[2390] Steve from that.

[2391] But you know I ain't shy.

[2392] On a green.

[2393] This is Joey Diaz.

[2394] Love this.

[2395] And I give it right away.

[2396] The best part of this song, there's no like.

[2397] And all of a sudden, it goes from this to, to do.

[2398] Ready, turn it up, turn it up, here we go.

[2399] Hey, hey, hey, yeah, yeah.

[2400] Here we go.

[2401] This is Joey Diaz needs a fucking Spotify channel where he just DJs.

[2402] Because the way he could inspire you, when you go to it, that holds.

[2403] Keep that on, keep that on.

[2404] You go to that.

[2405] Let's see if we get sued.

[2406] We're trying to promote music.

[2407] We're trying to promote Spotify.

[2408] This is Spotify.

[2409] I like that it sounds like shit.

[2410] Because it seems like someone's cassette deck, like I'm sitting in a 69 Camaro.

[2411] Joey Diaz, when you'd go and you'd eat too many edibles with him or smoke weed, and he'd give you a...

[2412] Let me tell you what's something about Roseanne Bach!

[2413] And he just fucking going to rant?

[2414] Yeah.

[2415] No, listen, man, I've learned a lot about music from Joey Diaz.

[2416] I've learned a lot about life from Joey Diaz.

[2417] My dad eats weed because of Joey Diaz.

[2418] I'm trying to get Joey Diaz to move to Texas.

[2419] It's going to take some time.

[2420] I've got a strategy, though.

[2421] Got to open up my club first.

[2422] It's a nightmare.

[2423] I'm an entrepreneur over here, Burke Breacher.

[2424] Is it because it was on an Indian barrel ground or something?

[2425] Yeah, it was a Stephen King movie.

[2426] I was in a Stephen King movie.

[2427] Oh, my God.

[2428] I'll explain you afterwards.

[2429] I'm under a non -disclosure agreement.

[2430] I can't discuss it on the Al Gore's internets.

[2431] Those NDAs stuck.

[2432] Did you see Biden got a booster?

[2433] Biden got a booster today?

[2434] No way.

[2435] He said they've given like a billion shots.

[2436] Maybe he's talking about the whole world I love when Biden starts talking numbers That guy's doing bang up work Probably the best work Ever When Kyle Dunnigan does Biden impressions Kyle Dunnigan's gold Gold gold There's a few guys that have emerged From this pandemic Stronger because of it Let's name him Andrew Schultz Oh 100 % I mean not as MMA commentating so much But yeah you know He's little lie He's staring up some shit He's my home Listen, he's my homie And Valentina Shepchenko's Going to be on the podcast soon No one's a bigger Valentina Shepchenko I would say Nut Rider than me But she's a woman Yeah She was a man I would say I was a nut rider Yeah But uh Shultz is great man I love that guy He's just talking shit I mean He was funny as fuck man I saw him Film a special down here At the Paramount He filmed the special right here In Austin Yeah it was awesome He added two shows right Yeah well he We talked about it.

[2437] I think a person filming a special should do four shows.

[2438] This is my opinion.

[2439] Boo -ya.

[2440] Yeah, and I think the reason why is if you do four shows, you feel comfortable enough that you're not under the gun.

[2441] And I always go back to this.

[2442] And I go back to this as a giant Bill Hicks fan.

[2443] But I remember Bill Hicks relentless.

[2444] I'm pretty sure the only film one show in London at a giant theater.

[2445] And I felt like he was tight.

[2446] He's sweating, right?

[2447] Well, it's not sweating.

[2448] Doesn't bother me. It does me. And I sweat all my first special.

[2449] But it's like sometimes the ACs, all fucked up or whatever.

[2450] I don't think it's a nerves thing.

[2451] I think he was, no, no, no. I just mean he was tight.

[2452] Yeah.

[2453] He was tight.

[2454] It didn't seem like loose Bill Hicks.

[2455] Like there's a, is a, you can say a thing and be slightly uncomfortable, and the audience knows you're slightly uncomfortable.

[2456] Or you can say the exact same thing and be loose as a goose, and the audience gets it, and they're with you, and it's with, with no hesitation.

[2457] Because it's a dance, like the, and sometimes you step on people's toes and the set goes weird and your best chance for that not happening my opinion after doing a bunch of specials is four shows because when you do four shows you know you got it in the bag yeah like triggered i used most of like one show because it was like i like that one the most and it was like one bit how many did you do for triggered i did four i did four for, I started doing four in 2016 because I did two in 2014 and one of them this lady heckled rocky mountain high yeah it was a great it was a fun time the audience was awesome it wasn't even her fault it was like someone who was telling the crowd like they said something they were just trying to prep everybody before the show and they said something that they might not it might not be a good idea they said like try not to yell out too much and I'm like Oh, don't say too much Like you say Please don't yell anything out Because this is a filming This is all you say Yeah And he made it almost like a challenge And like if you're a person You've had a cup of cocktails You think I'm gonna contribute to the show Maybe you never even been to a comedy show But she heckled to this part of the bit Where it makes sense What I'm saying if you just let me keep saying it Yeah Like don't get mad now In a few seconds You're understanding where I'm going Yeah It's a setup for a bit I'm like fuck now I only have one show and the second show I was like I have to have that bit because it was like a cornerstone of my set I was like I gotta get that bit out luckily nobody heckled me in the second show Rocky Mountain High was a great special I was on comedy central I watched it on my iPad on my couch and you had a bit about religion correct I'm sure I did you had a bit about religion but was interesting about your bit about religion and this I see Bill Maher's names written right here I don't know who you had last year but what's interesting about it is you had a you had a take on it but But it wasn't super disrespectful, and I liked that.

[2458] I thought I was really one of those things in comedy.

[2459] You know, there's a few points in comedy as a comic that you watch other comics, and you get inspired by the way they're working.

[2460] And you as a guy that has always had an angle, a take.

[2461] You talked about religion, but the way you did it was really, I really was inspired by that Rocky Mountain High.

[2462] I remember where I was when I was watching it.

[2463] Well, I guarantee you, I was just talking shit to be funny.

[2464] Yeah.

[2465] I don't know what I said.

[2466] I probably don't even believe what I said.

[2467] No, but it was, it was like, I don't remember the bit.

[2468] I don't remember the bit either, but there's a few bits that you go as a comic.

[2469] I was just talking.