Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Hi, my name is Jake Tapper, and I feel ironic about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.
[1] Fall is here.
[2] Ring the bell.
[3] Brand new shoes.
[4] Walking loose.
[5] Climb the fence, books and pens.
[6] I can tell that we are going to be friends.
[7] We are going to be friends.
[8] Hey there.
[9] Welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.
[10] We're plowing through the summer, unless it's a...
[11] Unless, of course, it's a rebroadcast.
[12] Maybe you're listening to this years from now, and maybe you're in a part of the world where it's not only winter, but it's freezing out.
[13] So me talking about the summer's just stupid.
[14] Plowing through the summer.
[15] We're plowing through the summer.
[16] I'm going to tell you, of course, something in my throat.
[17] No, you know what?
[18] I got a cold last week, and my throat's a little iffy.
[19] And so just my throat wasn't working correctly for a second.
[20] And it was a crucial second because I'm podcasting to billions of people around the world right now.
[21] With the sore throat, how do you plow through the summer?
[22] Yeah.
[23] Well, I'm going to.
[24] And you had a cold last week?
[25] We saw you last week.
[26] And you breathe over all of us.
[27] He does this to us all the time.
[28] Yeah.
[29] I just think it's a celebrity cold.
[30] You're welcome to have it.
[31] You can sell it on eBay.
[32] Anyway, my point is joined by Sonom of Sessian, Matt Goreley.
[33] And the point I'm making is that I used to have a lot of anxiety.
[34] I was very happy about the summer.
[35] obviously, because I didn't like going to school.
[36] And when the summer would come, the minute July 4th was over, I started getting anxious about, oh, no, no, the summer, it's going too quickly.
[37] You know, how do I slow it down?
[38] And then suddenly it's July 15th, and you'd think, no, oh, this is awful.
[39] It's almost August.
[40] And it was just this terrible, and then I would ruin the summer.
[41] Because you were worried about it.
[42] Because I was worried about the summer not being long enough.
[43] I had that problem, too.
[44] Did you have it too?
[45] Yeah.
[46] I loved staying home from school so much that I almost couldn't enjoy.
[47] I always enjoy it.
[48] I always enjoy the day before a day off more than the day off.
[49] that was something people had.
[50] Oh, I used to bust out my harmonica.
[51] Oh, my God.
[52] And I made, and I used to sit on my front porch in Brookline, Massachusetts, wah, wah, wah, wah, wow, wah, got the Monday blues.
[53] So you guys just didn't enjoy yourself.
[54] I made my room into a prison cell and I just rub a cup against the bars.
[55] You don't rub it, you rattle it.
[56] You rub it?
[57] You rub it in your room?
[58] It was a purely sexual thing.
[59] You guys didn't ever do rub a cup?
[60] Come on.
[61] I can't wait.
[62] Oh, good, everyone's gone.
[63] I can rub this cup against these bars.
[64] Takes away the Sunday blues.
[65] Let me tell you that much.
[66] Anyway, yeah.
[67] And so now I don't have it as much as an adult because I don't have to go to school again in the fall.
[68] Yeah.
[69] But I had it, a bad case of it.
[70] So I was just thinking about this because I remembered feeling the countdown happening after July 4th and having some anxiety about it.
[71] But that only gives you like a few weeks where you actually enjoyed your summer.
[72] It's a curse.
[73] It's not a good thing.
[74] I'm surprised both of you were like this.
[75] We're similar in a lot of ways.
[76] We don't want to admit it.
[77] No, we are.
[78] We have similarities.
[79] You know, we're taking a break for this show.
[80] The listeners won't know.
[81] It'll continue to come out steadily.
[82] But we're taking a month off where we're not going to see each other.
[83] Do you think like three weeks or two, even one weekend, you're going to start to go, oh, no, I have to go back.
[84] No. Because you enjoy us.
[85] Because you love us.
[86] I do enjoy doing this.
[87] I'm not going to make a joke.
[88] I do enjoy hanging with you guys.
[89] But this will give me a chance to really get in shape.
[90] Sorry.
[91] I'm surprised because I thought you liked.
[92] school.
[93] And you're like, yay, I got to turn again in a few weeks.
[94] Wee.
[95] No, I was very anxious about school.
[96] Yeah, a lot of anxiety about school.
[97] Especially elementary school, fourth grade, fifth grade, sixth grade, seventh grade, all through, I mean, that was anxiety provoking for me. I was a crier.
[98] You cried?
[99] Yeah, they dropped me off.
[100] Is that true?
[101] Yeah, I would cry.
[102] I would scream and cry.
[103] Sometimes I see you outside the podcast studio crying and you've just been dropped off by your mother.
[104] And you have a note on your shirt that says, hi.
[105] My name is Matt.
[106] I'm allergic to nuts.
[107] I would still like to be viewed as a tough person, but I was a cry.
[108] He still want to be viewed as a tough person.
[109] I don't want this to hurt my perception that people have of me as a big.
[110] You're a tough guy who cries.
[111] And when put in prison, the first thing you'll do is take your cup and rub it against the bars in an erotic ecstasy.
[112] Hey, can I tell you something?
[113] This is completely taking us in a different direction now.
[114] Sure, boss.
[115] But it's something that popped into my head recently and now it's taking me out of every TV show or movie I watch, which is when you're watching a TV show, and I may have mentioned this before, but sometimes my family and I, now that we're all together again, my daughter was off in college, but we're all back.
[116] Sometimes if we want to all do something together, we watch, say, like, an old, a vintage gossip girl, you know?
[117] And one of the things that I can't get out of my head is they'll show a scene will start with the elevator opening, and a guy coming out, like Chuck Bass, or one of these serious characters coming out and giving some grave news.
[118] Or like this old guy who's supposed to be a senator or a captain of industry, who's the father of one of these young people, the elevator door opens up and he comes out.
[119] And all I can think about is how it's not a real elevator, that the actor has to sit in there until people on either side pull the doors open and he comes out.
[120] And so it's kind of in my head now, and I'm noticing it in all TV shows and movies.
[121] Now, if you're watching a high -class movie, yeah, sure, it's a real elevator and the door shuts.
[122] But in a lot of cheesy TV shows, especially from the 90s, 2000s, a character will say something like, you haven't heard the last from me. I'll be back, and when I am back, you'll all wish you were dead.
[123] And he'll step onto an elevator, and there'll be dramatic music, and the door's shut.
[124] And I know that the actor's now just standing in a box.
[125] Oh.
[126] They just shut the door, and he has to wait.
[127] and it takes away all the dramatic tension.
[128] Does anyone else think about this or not just me?
[129] No, but now that you say that.
[130] Like it ruins Star Trek for me, all those 60 Star Trek's where I just know that Kirk is like, we've got to get to the transport of room immediately.
[131] Let's go.
[132] And he and Spock rush in and the door shut.
[133] And I know that there's two guys getting union pay to move the doors shut.
[134] Why do you have to think this?
[135] And now they're standing in there until someone yells cut.
[136] Just don't think it.
[137] It's too late.
[138] Stop thinking.
[139] I have the potential.
[140] If I spread this idea, that whenever you're watching a TV show and someone gets on an elevator and says a dramatic line and the door's close or it gets off an elevator.
[141] I'm sorry, it's going to take you out of the TV show.
[142] It's going to ruin it for you.
[143] It's an elevator.
[144] It's not.
[145] It's a box.
[146] It's a box.
[147] And there's two guys on either side that are closing a door.
[148] And then they're eating a sandwich afterwards and saying, hey, did you hear the Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor?
[149] Well, how do you feel about like scenes that are shot in airplanes and submarines and stuff that aren't really?
[150] Or cars.
[151] Or cars, yeah.
[152] Oh, first of all, it's just the idea that they get get in a, it's so embarrassing that they have to get in a box and say something like, I'm going now up to the top floor, the very top.
[153] And when I get there, all your careers will be ruined.
[154] Door slide shut.
[155] Actor stays in trapped box until two union guys, stage hands opened the box.
[156] An actor has to come back out and see all the people he just told off.
[157] You guys both suck.
[158] No, you suck.
[159] No, you suck.
[160] great comeback.
[161] Hey, listen to this.
[162] You suck.
[163] Oh, good one.
[164] I won.
[165] Good one.
[166] Well, I'd like to try one.
[167] Yeah, you try.
[168] You suck.
[169] Hey, wait a minute.
[170] You're pretty good.
[171] You both their ruining summer and you're ruining elevators.
[172] What are you happy about?
[173] What do you guys like?
[174] What do you like?
[175] Santa Claus.
[176] Why did you say it like that?
[177] Santa Claus?
[178] What are you, Hans Gruber?
[179] I like Santa Claus.
[180] Santa Claus.
[181] I don't like this.
[182] Okay.
[183] Okay.
[184] You've made your point.
[185] But I think the bigger point is when an actor gets in an elevator where it gets out of an elevator I do you like you ruin something I'm not gonna ruin anything oh nice try now you're ruining this I'm not you guys I like things I enjoy things I'm not gonna look at it your problem is Sona you enjoy everything every time yeah that there'd be a screener and all those years before we knew you Matt and I was doing the late night shows all those years that Sona worked for me they would set up a screening for a movie every time we'd go and see a movie when it was over Sona would say I loved it and I would say You know, because we saw everything.
[186] You'd see everything.
[187] And we saw some really great movies, and we saw some movies that even the actor who's the star of it would come on the show.
[188] And in the commercial break, it'd go, yeah, I know, not so good.
[189] But what are you going to do?
[190] And I go, I thought it was pretty good.
[191] No, come on, let's face it.
[192] Every time, Sunna would go, I loved it.
[193] I just really like the people did that.
[194] Like, somebody wrote it.
[195] Someone wrote it.
[196] Someone directed it.
[197] Hundreds of people, like, swept up the set and built it.
[198] That's exciting, and that's good for them.
[199] I know, but we would watch, sometimes we would watch a terrible movie, and you'd be like, and you would get mad at me. I go, like, I don't know, that movie doesn't make any sense.
[200] I mean, they introduced the character of the brother in the second act, and then he completely disappears, and then he's a walrus in the end, and they never explained.
[201] You'd go, and they made it.
[202] We just all agree, and I think we can all agree, that summer goes by too quickly.
[203] Yeah.
[204] Okay?
[205] No, it doesn't.
[206] And, but the main point that I think we all agree on, is that.
[207] Nope.
[208] When an actor gets on an elevator or gets off an elevator, they're getting into a box that's going nowhere.
[209] And to me, that is a metaphor for the political state of America today.
[210] Oh, my God.
[211] You guys, let's just enjoy things.
[212] Just enjoy summer.
[213] Here comes Santa Claus.
[214] Here comes Santa Claus.
[215] I just enjoy a lot of stuff.
[216] I do.
[217] I think everything is very cool.
[218] What a great bold statement.
[219] I do.
[220] I think people make things and we, that's a lot of stuff.
[221] It's good for them.
[222] Yep.
[223] Good for them.
[224] Good for them.
[225] All right, let's get this show on the road, shall we?
[226] Yeah.
[227] I hated a lot of good stuff, too.
[228] Okay, settle down.
[229] Let's relax.
[230] And you're like, no, I didn't like the third act.
[231] You're the worst.
[232] They're a worst to watch movies with.
[233] All right, I didn't mean that.
[234] You're actually really fun to watch movies with.
[235] You were really cool about it.
[236] Anytime an actor gets on an elevator, they're getting in the box.
[237] Here we go.
[238] Hey, my guest today is CNN's chief, Washington correspondent, and host of the lead with Jake Tapper, which airs weekdays at 4 p .m. Eastern.
[239] He's also a New York Times best -Sense author.
[240] His latest book, All the Demons Are Here, is out tomorrow.
[241] Excited he's with us today.
[242] Jake Tapper, welcome.
[243] I was in Washington, D .C. not long ago to help usher in Adam Sandler, getting the Mark Twain Award, because Mark Twain, Adam Sandler, are often mentioned in the same breath.
[244] And I, no, It was a really fun, a fun event.
[245] A lot of people came out for it, including the ghost of Twain, who was not happening.
[246] But that aside, because I was in D .C., I reached out to Jake.
[247] I let him know that I was in town.
[248] And you invited me over to your home.
[249] Yeah.
[250] He came over to the house.
[251] Oh.
[252] He, we had dinner at our favorite restaurant.
[253] And then he was.
[254] It's actually a very good.
[255] restaurant where Wolf Blitzer shows you to your table.
[256] It's called Blitzers, and they just sell blinses.
[257] That's it.
[258] But many flavors.
[259] Yeah.
[260] Oh, so many.
[261] There's 36 flavors of blints, and he shows you to the table, and then it's embarrassing because he hangs around until you tip him.
[262] You guys, we were very nice because you invited me to your home.
[263] I don't think I told you this, but I got there.
[264] I took an Uber over, and sometimes Uber's not precise.
[265] And I took an Uber over from my hotel to where the address that you gave me for a house.
[266] And I was realized, I'm like 10 minutes earlier.
[267] So I'm just going to walk down the street.
[268] It's a really nice neighborhood.
[269] And I'm walking down the street a little bit.
[270] And this father's son come walking up the street.
[271] They're walking their dog.
[272] They said, hey, if you're lost, Jake's up that way.
[273] Wow.
[274] And they pointed me to your house.
[275] Oh, my God.
[276] Yeah.
[277] And I was like, okay, I guess it's so clear that I'd be, the only person I'd hear to, you know, be seen with is Jake Tapper.
[278] But anyway, we went out.
[279] We had a really good time.
[280] It was fun.
[281] And then this is where you and I are in such symbiosis after dinner.
[282] We went back to your house.
[283] You said, here, I want to show you something.
[284] And we walk around the neighborhood.
[285] And you said, see that house right there?
[286] That's where Lyndon Johnson lived when he was in the Senate.
[287] And then he was like, let's go this way.
[288] And then he shows me another house.
[289] And he was like, see that house?
[290] That was, uh, Jagger Hoover.
[291] Jagger's house.
[292] And I said, and Clyde.
[293] And I was like, this is fantastic.
[294] And of course, I know that about you because.
[295] In your books, and as you're here to talk about among many other things, you've got a new book, All the Demons are here, and you're picking up on these characters.
[296] He's actually the children of the two characters you've been describing and depicting in your other books.
[297] But you have all these great pop culture references and political references to the 1950s and 60s in the other books, and I love that stuff.
[298] I can't get enough of it.
[299] You were one of the first, I sent a copy of the first book to The Hellfire Club, which takes place in 54.
[300] and has our favorite president, President Eisenhower as a character in the book.
[301] And that was, it was basically a book written for me and you.
[302] Yeah.
[303] No, I actually fact -checked the book.
[304] I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute.
[305] No, no, he had his heart attack in his second term.
[306] I saved you from massive lawsuits.
[307] That was close.
[308] But Jake does a very good job of, and I'm talking like you're not in the room, but I'm instructing, these two don't read.
[309] They don't know how to read.
[310] They don't learn.
[311] I don't read.
[312] Well, no, you read the novelizations of old dynasty episodes.
[313] Okay.
[314] But, uh, that sounds pretty good.
[315] They're actually very good.
[316] Uh, so you do too.
[317] Yes.
[318] He writes them.
[319] I write them.
[320] Is that a real thing?
[321] No, it's not.
[322] No, I don't think so.
[323] It will be.
[324] That's a million dollar idea.
[325] Well, let's do it.
[326] You heard it here first.
[327] That's really good.
[328] Do you ever, those clips come, pop up every now and then like an old dynasty.
[329] Oh, they're fantastic.
[330] No, they don't, Jake.
[331] Not on TV on, like, Twitter or whatever.
[332] Oh.
[333] They'll be like Alex, uh, Karen.
[334] Is that the names of the characters?
[335] Alexis Carrington?
[336] I loved how often how many times one of them got shoved into a pool.
[337] They just decided that was what you do is when one woman wearing a dress with massive shoulder blades and a massive ring who's an icon pushes another into a pool.
[338] A lot of pools were handy.
[339] Yes.
[340] And sadly, filled with acid.
[341] You'd hear a and then a skeleton would float to the top.
[342] Listen, we got way off topic.
[343] What I was trying to say to you guys is that Jake takes all of these true life events and he writes these novels and all the demons are here is one of them.
[344] And they're really, I enjoy them so much because he has got the characters bumping into people from in the, let's say, late 40s, early 50s.
[345] Then you're the, the, was the second book was in the 60s.
[346] The second book is the devil may dance.
[347] And yeah, that's the Rat Pack.
[348] Sinatra is like a big character in it, yeah.
[349] Right.
[350] And I love you.
[351] You have members of the Rat Pack out trying to help.
[352] solve the crime, which was really funny to me that it's just like, no, I think they would have been they wouldn't have been in any shape.
[353] Dean Martin's like, now hold on a second.
[354] This one's 77 and like the main character, one of the main characters is Evil Knievel.
[355] Yes.
[356] Oh.
[357] Yeah.
[358] Yeah.
[359] Evil Knievel is one of the main three.
[360] Do you, now you weren't alive for, because this takes place in 77 and it takes place after Evil Knievel's jump of Snake River Canyon.
[361] I was born in 73.
[362] Okay.
[363] But you don't, you were one when the Snake River jump out.
[364] But boy, was I there.
[365] I remember there is footage of a little boy wearing a tweed suit and large glasses that only an adult would wear.
[366] I stowed away in his saddlebags and made the jump with him.
[367] Yeah, they said he would have made it, but he was unfortunately a pound and a half too heavy.
[368] And it was all tweed.
[369] You and I would have similar memories because in this book, it takes place in 77.
[370] And I remember in 1977 very well because all these epic things happened.
[371] But you do reference the Snake River jump, which was a couple of years earlier.
[372] That was such a huge event.
[373] I remember as a kid, they told us that they were going to put Evil Caneval in a rocket and fire him over a canyon.
[374] Nothing sparked our imagination more than that.
[375] And there was no, I don't think it was broadcast.
[376] All I know is that we were visiting my cousin in Worcester Mass, and we raced out to the car to listen to what happened.
[377] And they said, well, looks like he didn't.
[378] make it and I thought they thought he died.
[379] They thought he died because he misses.
[380] I don't even think he came close.
[381] No, he did not.
[382] You know, it was like one of those rockets from like the Roadrunner and Wiley Coyote rockets like really makeshift.
[383] And one of the other things that's so weird about it is that this was actually considered like an athletic event.
[384] Like he was on the cover of Sports Illustrator.
[385] This is not a sport.
[386] This wasn't, I mean, first of all, he was barely a good motorcycle rider to begin with.
[387] Like he just was like the.
[388] He was willing to try.
[389] Yes.
[390] Yes.
[391] Yes.
[392] And it's so funny because in this book, in this book, one of your main characters, one of the two children of, and Ike is working with, and you make this point, he's not even riding motorcycles.
[393] And I'm guessing that you have done the research on this.
[394] Ike is complaining because he has to kind of check out the machinery and everything.
[395] And he's working for evil can evil.
[396] And he has to check out the machinery.
[397] And I'm guessing you research this that he's riding bikes.
[398] You're not even supposed to jump in.
[399] No, they're not good.
[400] They're not good for jumping.
[401] It's like Harleys and stuff.
[402] Yeah, no, it's really weird, but he was just willing to do it.
[403] And he built this, you know, incredible career that kind of, in 77 is kind of the beginning of the end of it.
[404] 74 was like his big, everybody, people, there are people our age, Conan, who think that they remember him jumping over the Grand Canyon.
[405] But that never happened.
[406] It was Snake River, and he never made it.
[407] It was in a rocket ship, not on a motorcycle.
[408] Yeah, let's clear that up.
[409] you know because we have people no no we get people texting us all the time evil himself yeah I interviewed evil can evil on the late night show did you really all I remember is it was not long before he passed he didn't move very well and I remember because I think the thing that every kid knew this is how big evil can evil was we all knew everything about evil can evil I had his toy the wind up you would wind up you would wind up a motor And you could do jumps with it.
[410] And I spent thousands of hours with my evil -can -eval wind up.
[411] And it would crash just like evil would and flying to pieces.
[412] But evil -can -eval, what we all knew was that he had broken every bone in his body like 15 times.
[413] And so there's a scene at the beginning of the book that's based on his real, a real event, which is in January 77, he literally jumps sharks.
[414] He, like, then this is like seven months before Fonz did it.
[415] Wow.
[416] Like he set up a pool in Chicago, and I think ABC maybe had soured on him, so he was doing it for CBS.
[417] It was a special.
[418] It was going to be hosted by Telly Savalas and Jill St. John.
[419] Of course.
[420] And by the way, they were the original host of this podcast.
[421] It was Telly Savalas.
[422] It was Conorabiner, he's a friend with Telly Savalus and Jill St. John.
[423] And he was going, and it was, and everything, because this is post -Jaws.
[424] Jaws was, you know, huge best -al -the -book.
[425] Yeah, and huge film.
[426] And so everything was Jaws.
[427] And so he came up with this idea.
[428] And so much of the stuff in the book, having to do with evil can evil is just real from his actual press conferences, from his actual events.
[429] And he, and he, in rehearsals, hurt himself.
[430] And so the entire, the entire special went on, but he wasn't part of it.
[431] Yeah, because who needs evil can evil in an evil, can evil special?
[432] He didn't jump the shark at all?
[433] No, he did, but he landed wrong.
[434] His problem was always the landing.
[435] But you mean he hurt himself?
[436] Not the jumping.
[437] Okay.
[438] In the rehearsal and then went on to do it or didn't?
[439] No. No, was rushed to the hospital with broken bones.
[440] What was the special?
[441] What did they do?
[442] All the other like side acts.
[443] Yeah.
[444] And occasionally they'd cut away to the hospital.
[445] And the doctor would say we're extracting a shark's fin.
[446] You know what's funny that's in the book that you talk about.
[447] And it's a really funny scene is trying to get the sharks and they don't get good sharks.
[448] No, they're awful sharks.
[449] They're like small sharks that.
[450] They're like little lemon sharks.
[451] He's basically jumping, you know.
[452] coy with larger dorsal fins.
[453] And they had a camera in the pool just in case he landed in the pool you could see the shark eat him.
[454] Oh my God.
[455] And the sharks retreated horribly and a bunch of them died on their way from Florida to Chicago, where they held this in the middle of the winter in January.
[456] Stuff you couldn't get a...
[457] I mean, now if you want to abuse a shark, it's much harder.
[458] Oh, good.
[459] You looked into it.
[460] Oh, trust me. I have a beef with those sharks.
[461] But the guy's whole career was so spectacularly bizarre that just, I didn't know anything about evil can evil, really.
[462] I missed that when I was a kid.
[463] I was much more focused on comic books and baseball, but I have some friends that are really into it, and they really loved him.
[464] And Johnny Knoxville was actually one of them who, like he, I mean, he did a...
[465] And he's got the scars to prove it.
[466] Yeah, and he did a documentary about him called Being Evil that's really good.
[467] It really kind of gets into the fact that this guy was kind of like a charlatan.
[468] He was just like a showman larger than life who was able to convince people that this was something real and so that just seemed like a really good character to have.
[469] And so much of the stuff in the book as actual things that happened to him, for instance, he had this movie where he played himself called Viva Caneval and it was a huge flop.
[470] Right.
[471] And that also takes place in 1977.
[472] The 70s are filled with, oh, let's just try it.
[473] And in this crazy kind of way, like, the Brady bunch, which, you know, has been out, had been off the air for like five years.
[474] And someone said, what if they had a variety show?
[475] And we dressed them all kind of like Evil Caneval, like in jumpsuit.
[476] And we put them in a giant soundstage with a Olympic -sized swimming pool.
[477] And we got a bunch of synchronized swimmers, women as synchronized swimmers, to do.
[478] do Esther Williams stuff from the 1940s.
[479] Right.
[480] And we'll have them all sing songs and dance.
[481] You mean the kids from the Brady bunch know how to sing songs and dance?
[482] No. I have no idea.
[483] That's not important.
[484] It's the 70s.
[485] We're all on Coke.
[486] Who cares?
[487] Right.
[488] And then they're like, Eve Plum won't do it.
[489] She says it compromises her.
[490] Just get another blonde lady.
[491] They did.
[492] They replaced Eve Plum.
[493] Just get someone else.
[494] The middle daughter and they got a different person to play her and they never addressed.
[495] For integrity reason, she wouldn't?
[496] No, I don't know what She wouldn't do it.
[497] I think at the time she thought she heard an Olympic -sized pool and she said, this probably doesn't sound good.
[498] If they had come to her like three years later, she'd have said, where do I sign?
[499] But it was just a crazy time.
[500] I went out to dinner last night and our waitress was raised on a houseboat.
[501] And I said, oh, like Quincy.
[502] And the blank stare that she gave me, you know Quincy M .E?
[503] Yeah, that's the problem.
[504] There's a generational gap.
[505] Do you not know who Quincy is?
[506] I don't know who Quincy is.
[507] played...
[508] Oh, Jack Klugman.
[509] Do you know Jack Klugman?
[510] No. Do you know the odd couple?
[511] Yeah.
[512] We're talking about human lives, yeah.
[513] I don't know what you're doing.
[514] Quincy.
[515] Quincy's Quincy.
[516] That's Quincy.
[517] Oh, Quincy.
[518] Quincy was a show about a medical examiner.
[519] Of course.
[520] He's played by Jack Klugman, and it was kind of a big show.
[521] Huge.
[522] And he lived on...
[523] To give him some color, they had him live on a houseboat.
[524] He was a ladies man. And he was a ladies man. Oh, okay.
[525] He was a ladies man. Medical examiner.
[526] My favorite...
[527] I saw a trailer once for a show.
[528] Quincy episode, this in real time in the late 70s, and they said, and tune in tonight.
[529] You know, Quincy goes to the track for some fun, and it shows a horse racing, and it shows the actor who plays Quincy Jack Club and going, go, go, go!
[530] When the horse goes down, and you see the horse collapse, and you see like literally hooves in the air.
[531] And then they say, um, uh, they, uh, Quincy, they just have a shot of Quincy and he's looking down at the horse and he looks up dramatically and he went, this horse was murdered.
[532] That's so good.
[533] And I was like, it was like, 1980, and I was jumping up and down in front of my TV set, this horse was murdered.
[534] But that's one of the shows that, what was the show you did with Adam West?
[535] It was, Look Well.
[536] Look well.
[537] Robert Smigel and I did a pilot for Adam West called Look Well about a, like, and Quincy was one, like Bannichick, Quincy, all those shows.
[538] Manix.
[539] Manix were like, they were part of what inspired.
[540] you.
[541] Yes, there were a guy who doesn't play by the rules.
[542] Yeah.
[543] Come on.
[544] Yeah.
[545] But he's like in part of the system.
[546] He does a government job.
[547] No, no, yeah.
[548] But he does it his way.
[549] And also there are always, people are always saying to him, Quincy, come on.
[550] It was a clear heart attack.
[551] No, it wasn't.
[552] And I'll prove it.
[553] And then he goes rushing off.
[554] And it's so much, go on YouTube and look at these Quincy clubs.
[555] There's one.
[556] Go ahead.
[557] I'm okay.
[558] I'm okay.
[559] No, go do that.
[560] No, no, no. I'm busy.
[561] I'm that day.
[562] No, no, no, no, just put the kids to sleep early, like at three in the afternoon.
[563] You know what you would like?
[564] Gourley, you know what you would like?
[565] And then we'll move on to more prosperous areas.
[566] But I swear to God, there's a clip out there.
[567] There's an episode where Quincy encounters the phenomenon of, like, punk music and punk dancing.
[568] And something bad happens to somebody.
[569] No, I'm not kidding.
[570] They actually tried to recreate it, but it's like 1970s TV writers.
[571] conception of and it's the band is like yelling death, death, murder, hate and Quincy's in the audience going, what's happening?
[572] What's wrong?
[573] This song was murdered.
[574] His song was murdered.
[575] They're doing Cole Porter.
[576] Right.
[577] It's like when Elizabeth Berkeley and said Brother Bell got addicted to caffeine.
[578] Oh, yeah.
[579] Like that kind of like...
[580] See, now you're edging up into territory that someone knows.
[581] Now I know.
[582] Trying to bring it up a little bit.
[583] Thank you for doing that.
[584] It reminds me of the time, big time rush made that movie.
[585] movie where they went to London and the bad guys tried to get them.
[586] Now I went too far into.
[587] I know who big time rushes, but I don't know what movie you're talking about.
[588] It's good to know about everything, Sona.
[589] It's good to know about everything.
[590] My kids don't know any of the stars that I know or think of.
[591] Well, that's what I'm, what's interesting to me is I grew up knowing about stuff in the 50s, 60s, 70s.
[592] And, you know, once you're, once it's happening in your lifetime, you know it.
[593] But sometimes I get the suspicion that now a lot of.
[594] kids don't know about anything that happened before them.
[595] Is that just me being a cranky old guy?
[596] I think that might be you being a little bit of a, I mean, people know older things, but the things that you know are like shows that ran for one season that no one else talks about.
[597] Quincy was a huge show.
[598] Quincy was big.
[599] Was it, guys?
[600] Yeah.
[601] Quincy was a big show.
[602] It was a huge show.
[603] I mean, but there was also like three channels.
[604] That's true.
[605] Everyone had to watch Quincy.
[606] And Quincy was so big, it was on all three channels at the same time.
[607] Quincy.
[608] Simulcast.
[609] But the opposite's also true.
[610] I don't know what it is what it's like with your kids, but my kids know people that I have no idea what they're talking.
[611] You know when you go to the CVS or whatever in like a magazine cover and I'm like, I have no idea who there are 30 people on the cover.
[612] You know what?
[613] I don't know that's reality television, but I think.
[614] Okay.
[615] Because a lot of it is, you know, Janet tells Kristen she better back off because, you know, Nico is hers and it's something from below deck, the underwater series, whatever.
[616] And I don't know what any of it is.
[617] That's a really good show.
[618] It can't be.
[619] It can't be.
[620] Sonor doesn't know who I am.
[621] She's still figuring it out.
[622] Yeah, who are you, Dan?
[623] Yeah, I think it's funny because I was wondering, these books must be a nice, because your day job, I would think, gets very intense.
[624] And then so you spend a day talking about, is the system that was constructed 240 years ago, possibly crumbling, and then it's okay, you can go home now, and maybe it's fun to go into a room and be these imaginary people, that live in a different time.
[625] Yep, and just, yes, and during, yeah, during this political era, it's nice to run away from it all.
[626] Although there's a lot of, obviously, there's a lot of resonance for what is going on today in this book, because the two plots, so it's Ike and Lucy tell the story, their brother and sister.
[627] Ike is with Evil Caneval in Montana, and that is, that becomes like kind of a plot about demagogues and people who follow demagogues.
[628] Like, why would you follow, like Evil Caneval decides he's going to run for president, kind of like a publicity stunt.
[629] And he and this gang of people who are living in the woods of Montana start following him to Washington, D .C., to raise hell.
[630] And then Lucy is working for a brand new tabloid in Washington, D .C., called the Washington Sentinel, which is being started by a British media magnate named Max Lyon, who is very, obviously, loosely based on Rupert Murdoch.
[631] In the book, you originally called him Goopertrudeck.
[632] You saw an early draft.
[633] And then your lawyers got involved.
[634] Gupert Gurdock.
[635] Hello, mate.
[636] Gubert Gordock's name.
[637] Oh, my God, I've never heard your Australian.
[638] Oh, was that Australian?
[639] I thought that was fantastic.
[640] That's not an oif, this is an oaf.
[641] 77, do you get into any Star Wars in that?
[642] Star Wars is mentioned.
[643] It's mentioned at the beginning.
[644] Just checking due diligence.
[645] Yeah, no, I can Rachel, the girl he's in love with, reference going to see Star Wars.
[646] Also, a film that I'm sure you're familiar with called Tentacles, one of a million Jaws knockoffs.
[647] Oh, okay.
[648] Horrible movie starred Henry Fonda.
[649] Like, it has all these huge actors.
[650] It's about a giant octopus.
[651] I imagined.
[652] And what you might not know is that octopus, octopi don't even have tentacles.
[653] They have arms.
[654] So it wasn't even named correctly.
[655] Why?
[656] Why what?
[657] Why everything?
[658] Well, just, again, this is called the late 70s.
[659] And that summer of 77, I remember really well because I was and am a huge Elvis fan, and that's the summer that Elvis died.
[660] Which is also a plot point in the book.
[661] And the big caravan of Evil Caneval.
[662] They stop at Graceland and mourn Elvis.
[663] And then he jumps over the casket.
[664] And crashes.
[665] Graceland, by the way, at the time, was not a museum.
[666] It was just where he lived.
[667] That's where he lived.
[668] Yeah.
[669] My house is now a museum even before I go.
[670] Really?
[671] Yeah.
[672] Like your president's a library?
[673] It's like when you go room to room and you push a button, it's me there.
[674] This is where I read the paper.
[675] Have you ever been in Graceland?
[676] Oh, yeah.
[677] It's like the White House, surprisingly small.
[678] Yeah, it is very small.
[679] I mean, you can imagine when Elvis got Graceland and he's like 20.
[680] Right.
[681] And he buys this house, he couldn't imagine a bigger home.
[682] And then all these years later, now that we live in this era of McMansions and people being in big spaces, Graceland is like, oh, this is cozy.
[683] It's nothing like Cone Land.
[684] No, which I've been to.
[685] I'm going to build a Cone Land.
[686] I'm going to build it.
[687] It's going to be in the smoky mountains.
[688] Have they all been to Cone Land?
[689] You both have been to my home.
[690] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[691] And there are a few times you don't even know it.
[692] Oh, that's weird.
[693] I saw you, the camera caught you once.
[694] I wanted that to happen.
[695] Conelland is beautiful.
[696] Yeah, it's a big tourist attraction.
[697] I'm the only guy that is trying to get the celebrity star bus to go by.
[698] I'm like waving them in.
[699] You know, hello?
[700] Actually, you send out Sona to give maps.
[701] I do.
[702] To the map people and it's just your house.
[703] Or sometimes I'm just say, I just say, I'm Adam Sandler's house.
[704] And then from behind the hedge, I go, why?
[705] You want to talk.
[706] By the way, he killed at the Sandler, Mark Twain Award.
[707] You did a great job.
[708] It was fun.
[709] It was a really fun night.
[710] Conan did a great job.
[711] He definitely put a lot of work into it.
[712] In a good way, I mean.
[713] Yeah, got it.
[714] You got to prepare.
[715] You got to prepare.
[716] It's the way I. I prepare for these things.
[717] But I'm just saying...
[718] Mr. Tipper.
[719] Look at his new book.
[720] All the demons be here.
[721] All the demons are here.
[722] All the demons are here.
[723] You know, so let's talk about other crazy things that happened in 77.
[724] So Summer of Sam.
[725] Yep.
[726] Remember that thing a big deal.
[727] Do you know what that is?
[728] Yeah.
[729] The mystery.
[730] He ciggled a lot of people.
[731] Yeah.
[732] And he said that his dog.
[733] He killed.
[734] He tickled.
[735] Back then, tickling was a really bad crime.
[736] It was a capital of them.
[737] But they never found out who it was.
[738] Yes, they did.
[739] Oh, just kidding.
[740] David Berkowitz.
[741] Of course.
[742] Still in prison.
[743] And he heard voices.
[744] Yes, from his dog.
[745] There we go.
[746] I get my serial killers.
[747] You know, they should have arrested the dog when you think about it.
[748] So what did I just said to do?
[749] I didn't mean anything that you really do it.
[750] Even your dog is Nixon.
[751] I know.
[752] I am not a crook.
[753] All roads lead back to Nixon.
[754] Studio 54 opens.
[755] Oh.
[756] Studio 54 opens.
[757] Saturday Ant Live.
[758] is really hitting its stride by 77.
[759] It's a huge thing.
[760] The New York City blackout.
[761] I mean, there's a lot of stuff.
[762] Jimmy Carter takes office.
[763] Elvis dies, horrible, horrible.
[764] Oh, and guess who dies shortly after Elvis dies and no one pays attention because the Elvis news is so big, Groucho Marx.
[765] Is that true?
[766] Yep.
[767] I remember being also a huge Marks Brothers fan, and shortly after Elvis dies, Groucho Marx passes away, and it gets kind of a, we'll take a brief moment from all this Elvis coverage.
[768] I don't know.
[769] Yeah.
[770] That's like Farrah Fawcett on the same day as Michael Jackson.
[771] Yeah.
[772] Farrow Fawcett Majorset, Major's Guide, and then Michael Jackson died like an hour or two later.
[773] And she really, she got short shrift.
[774] I'm going to have my publicists do a lot of calling around before I pass.
[775] Anybody out there?
[776] Any big stars?
[777] Because Conan O 'Brien's about to go.
[778] He'd like to reserve this afternoon blog.
[779] Yeah.
[780] He must the whole afternoon and into the evening.
[781] How's, uh, how's Kimmel feeling?
[782] Himmel's fine.
[783] He took care of himself.
[784] How about Colbert?
[785] Well, Colbert, he's okay.
[786] He's going to hang in for at least another month.
[787] Good.
[788] All right.
[789] Well, I'm out, then.
[790] And then just as I'm going to start to just go up to see the light.
[791] I'm going to start, my soul is going to start to leave my body.
[792] And then a massive star is going to be killed in a balloon.
[793] Yeah.
[794] And I'm going to jump back into my body.
[795] That would stick around.
[796] That would be a feat.
[797] I can do that.
[798] You should write a book about that.
[799] great idea literally as a as a as a as a novel you should do you're obsessed with getting the most guy who wants to be trying to figure out of it's really it's actually a really good idea but it's a book as much if it's like a 40 minute funny movie well it's and it's who does it in uh is it tom sawyer or huckleberry fin that sees his own funeral i forget which one it is you're the mark twain expert you tell me yeah well i didn't get the prize well you deserve it but you thank you so much you didn't pass the quiz no i didn't sandler did uh uh I believe, isn't it, Huck Finn, who's up in a tree and watches his own...
[800] Yeah, so Tom Sawyer.
[801] Yeah, it's Tom Sawyer.
[802] Tom Sawyer, thank you so much for getting that for us.
[803] It is.
[804] It's Tom Sawyer.
[805] Some people think it's Huck Finn, but it's not.
[806] But Tom Sawyer sees his own funeral.
[807] Yeah.
[808] But what if there were a guy who, like you, wanted to see the...
[809] I do want to see my funeral.
[810] The spectacular media coverage that you get.
[811] Well, here's the other problem.
[812] We all know that's not happening.
[813] It also...
[814] So much of its timing.
[815] I can say as somebody who covers these things.
[816] Covers these things.
[817] So, for instance, Tina Turner, she died in, like, it was announced in an afternoon.
[818] Right.
[819] Like, like, maybe, like, 2 o 'clock.
[820] And it got a ton of coverage.
[821] But she was also, I mean, she was a legend.
[822] Huge, legend.
[823] But I'm telling you, like, some of it is just timing.
[824] Like, some of it has to do with, like, how big is the other news going on that?
[825] So, no, this is on you.
[826] You need to organize this.
[827] Oh, no, don't do that.
[828] Yeah, yeah.
[829] It doesn't have to be the death of him.
[830] You don't have to coordinate it when he dies, but when it's announced.
[831] bury it at a Friday at 5 p. I know.
[832] It's going to be my last thing I do for you.
[833] And I'm going to botch it.
[834] During the Oscars.
[835] Also, it's how you go.
[836] I think if I can, you know, like if I bought a zeppelin and I took it up, you know what I mean?
[837] And collided with another zeppelin.
[838] Yeah.
[839] And, you know, it's got to be spectacular.
[840] You can't die of natural causes.
[841] Wait a minute.
[842] Attacked by a lion while in a zeppelin flying thousands of feet in the air.
[843] You could be like rescuing.
[844] someone like a oh that's good yeah that's good like you're heroic it's a heroic death we didn't we didn't appreciate him while he was here we didn't know we didn't talk enough about his heroic side hey how about this jake you're in the news business and i could uh i could slip you a couple of bucks let's say however i go and let's say it's even if it's uh you know just not it's it's not great you're on the toilet yeah and i have i just had like which is how i just had very bad diarrhea and I died of diarrhea and it was just three days of it and people die of diarrhea sona that's a real thing yes it is you die like you what do you lose all your water and your nourishment so my point is Google it's Google it's not it's not one it's not one bout of diarrhea it's like days and days and weeks no no but mine is one long one is just an explosion it's one long explosion and so my point is that's how I go I'm going to have sona contact you, Jake, and you're going to say, try to foil a robbery to protect, you know, you've got to you've got a sona says like in a bizarre diarrhea accident.
[845] Yeah, I take pictures of it and I post them up everywhere.
[846] I'm sorry.
[847] I'm not the one to trust with this.
[848] Speaking of which, can I say something about Elvis?
[849] Like, so I learned while writing this book, one of the reasons why some people blamed Rupert Murdoch for the death of Elvis Presley.
[850] And I'll tell you why, because he had a couple bodyguards that, that his dad, Vernon, fired, and then they...
[851] Well, Elvis's...
[852] Okay.
[853] Yeah.
[854] And they did a tell -all.
[855] Yes, Elvis's...
[856] Two of Elvis's bodyguards.
[857] One was Red West.
[858] Right.
[859] And the other, I can't remember which one it was.
[860] Blue East.
[861] No, it's in the back.
[862] I'll take...
[863] What?
[864] Blue East.
[865] What?
[866] Oh, Matt.
[867] I have...
[868] I'm contributing.
[869] I have...
[870] You're not contributing anything.
[871] Look, you're reading through your own book now.
[872] Well, I have, as you know, I do...
[873] Do they ever cut back to you on CNN?
[874] and you forgot, and you're reading your own book.
[875] That's the way to get cover up.
[876] Red West, Sunny West, and Dave Hebbler.
[877] As told to Steve Dunleavy, who worked for...
[878] The New York Post, who worked for Murdoch.
[879] And so they sold this book, and this book came out.
[880] And some people think it's so depressed Elvis by...
[881] The book was called Elvis What Happened, and it was his two bodyguards saying, man, is he in rough shape, Elvis?
[882] And many people think that that was one of the things...
[883] That was one of the precipitating events that caused him to, like, overdose, and that's...
[884] how he died.
[885] And so there are people out there who blame Rupert Murdoch for the death of Ellis Presley.
[886] I mean, because he published the book, Steve Dunleavy.
[887] There might be other things to get mad at Rupert Murdoch about before.
[888] That's, I'm not saying I'm one of, and also, like, they were telling, and their story about Elvis was true.
[889] I mean, what they were saying about him was accurate.
[890] Right.
[891] Nobody disputes that.
[892] But anyway, how did you know about Red West and Sunny West?
[893] Oh, I know all kinds.
[894] I just, I think, I think I know a lot about.
[895] He's an Elvis fanatic.
[896] Well, a fanatic is a little crazy.
[897] You're a big fan of his.
[898] When I know, when I have areas of interest, I go deep.
[899] And then I know a lot about it.
[900] And so that would include.
[901] But I think that spreads over a wide area.
[902] There are many areas of interest, whether it's Elvis Presley, Elvis Costello, Lou Costello of Abbott and Costello.
[903] Those are my three areas of interest.
[904] Now, let me ask you a question about, your life, which is when it's been a really tough news day, and you're watching things go down that maybe worry you as a husband and a father, are you able to go home and shake that off and say, oh, it really depends.
[905] I mean, sometimes, yes, I mean, look, most news is not good news, right?
[906] Most news is negative in some way or another.
[907] Some things are very distressing.
[908] Obviously, the school shootings are very upsetting.
[909] War is very upsetting.
[910] You know, January 6th was very upsetting, that sort of thing.
[911] And it's tough to shake it off.
[912] But generally speaking, I go home and I try to change the subject.
[913] I try to, yeah, just be with the kids and be with the wife and not.
[914] I don't watch news.
[915] I'll watch you or I'll watch other things on streaming or whatever.
[916] But like I'll try not to watch any news when I go home.
[917] Do you, I mean, I guess Twitter has become a different thing, but.
[918] It's really weird now, isn't it?
[919] Are you on it?
[920] Like the algorithm?
[921] I got off.
[922] I couldn't.
[923] It's interesting because I didn't go on it that much, but there are certain ways where you can get the news and kind of a straightforward way on Twitter.
[924] And then I felt like it started to change.
[925] And now I'm seeing a lot of stuff that just really depresses me. And I feel like a very heavy lens has been put in front of me that's distorting the picture.
[926] I feel like there's an algorithm that, look, all social media has this now where they, I mean, they've all been doing this for their exam.
[927] masturbating and making us see conflict and hate and stuff like that.
[928] But I feel like this new permutation of Twitter is like it's showing me things I don't want to see.
[929] Like there's a whole I, you know, I have the people I follow and I want to read them.
[930] But like it defaults to some other group of tweets that like I don't who are, I don't want to watch.
[931] I don't want to read these tweets from these people.
[932] Who are they?
[933] Right.
[934] Like they've added this thing of like, here are tweets that we would like you to read.
[935] As opposed to this is what you, this is what you would like to read.
[936] Yeah, from, you know, really awful people.
[937] And I don't know, I mean, it's just strange to me. But I'm sure he knows what he's doing.
[938] Yeah.
[939] All you see online is extremes.
[940] Like, the people in the middle aren't really that active.
[941] It's the people who are extreme who are just the loudest.
[942] Are you just talking about Twitter?
[943] Are you talking about all social media?
[944] All of them.
[945] All of them.
[946] Like, when I go on Reddit, I feel like it's like sometimes it's very doomsy.
[947] Well, of course, it's Reddit.
[948] What are you talking about?
[949] That's like, when I go into.
[950] the dark web, it takes a turn.
[951] Can I just say, even the pornography I watch is very, it's very domsday.
[952] It's always like, let's do it.
[953] What's the point?
[954] We'll be dead soon.
[955] And then wung chukka, wwaka, wung chunka.
[956] Yeah.
[957] You look tense.
[958] Wong chunka.
[959] That's your porn music?
[960] I thought it was shukka bough.
[961] Well, that's, I watch, listen, I like to score my own pornography.
[962] One chukka, wong chaka, wongchika.
[963] Everybody, Wong chukka.
[964] You listen on mute and then you do the music for it.
[965] What the, what a turn on.
[966] I like to mute the porn and then put my own's music in.
[967] And voices.
[968] La la la la la la la la la la la la la la It's sound effect.
[969] I've just never heard one chuk a chuk a ch 'a.
[970] Like I've just never.
[971] That's like a barretta episode.
[972] I thought it was agreed upon that it was shikabobah.
[973] I thought it was...
[974] What was the last time you guys watched porn?
[975] None of this is...
[976] In 1977, it's in the book.
[977] Yeah.
[978] That was the summer of porn.
[979] We were all...
[980] Except during the blackout.
[981] Yeah.
[982] When suddenly all the porn went dark.
[983] That's the blackout.
[984] No, when Elvis passed, we all had to do something to recover.
[985] So we watched...
[986] Four years old.
[987] And of course, that porn went a one chunk of wunk of a hong chuk.
[988] I'm telling you, this is all true.
[989] It's all in the book.
[990] There's no...
[991] There's no porn in the book.
[992] No, there's no porn music.
[993] No, what's your?
[994] Like, if you were to do porn music, what would it be?
[995] It wouldn't be, there would be no music.
[996] It's just the squishing sound.
[997] Oh, God.
[998] What are they making lot?
[999] Before they have sex?
[1000] It's the squishing sound.
[1001] This is not a squishing sound.
[1002] No, that's a clapping sound.
[1003] I know, I can't squish with my hand.
[1004] You are like a properly.
[1005] Okay.
[1006] Yeah, there we go.
[1007] We have a respect.
[1008] newsman here.
[1009] And people rely on him to find out what's happening.
[1010] And this is what you do with it, Sona?
[1011] I didn't take us down this road.
[1012] Well, Gory and I put beautiful music to the pornography.
[1013] And then you come along with your physical sounds.
[1014] Your squishing noise.
[1015] Apparently, you and your husband high five each other during sex.
[1016] It was a squishing sound.
[1017] That's just like a...
[1018] We did it!
[1019] The Clippers scored another hit.
[1020] Listen to that crowd, squish.
[1021] Your babies are good, though, you said.
[1022] Come on.
[1023] Why do you have to go to my babies for a poor?
[1024] Because all of a sudden we were talking about you having sex.
[1025] Oh, God, yeah, they're good.
[1026] They're going to be too.
[1027] The only time, yes, you had babies.
[1028] Yes, I did.
[1029] And last time I did this podcast, you were about to have twins.
[1030] And you suggested I named them Leopold and Loeb.
[1031] Which is a fantastic idea.
[1032] That's great.
[1033] I think Leopold and Loeb is the perfect name.
[1034] Yeah, or Eric and Lyle.
[1035] And there's so many There are so many killing duos.
[1036] Sacco and Vanzetti.
[1037] Saco and Vanzetti.
[1038] Well, were they guilty?
[1039] We don't know.
[1040] Right.
[1041] Fat man and little boy.
[1042] Yeah.
[1043] Oh, my God.
[1044] Wow.
[1045] Oh, my God.
[1046] Those are the nuclear bombs.
[1047] Yes, they are.
[1048] That's right.
[1049] That's right.
[1050] Well, I don't know.
[1051] I mean, if I'm just saying if one of her kids were a little chubbier than the other one, they could be fat man and little boy.
[1052] Yeah, one's a little thicker.
[1053] Well, there you go.
[1054] That's great.
[1055] listening right now and a single tear is going down his team.
[1056] Yeah, he's listening to.
[1057] Mama thinks I'm chunky.
[1058] I want to make sure I mention this.
[1059] All the demons are here.
[1060] This book is out.
[1061] There's a large chunk at the end, which is telling you, it's giving you basically factual follow -ups.
[1062] The end notes are just, I put those in the end of at the end of every book so people can know what's real and what's not real from all the stuff I write about because there's historical fiction.
[1063] It's historical fiction, so there's real things and if you want to know, did Jake make up Viva Caneval or is that a real movie?
[1064] you just go, no, Viva Knievel was a real film.
[1065] And then I do the review from the 1977 Daily Variety.
[1066] In the most daring feat of his career, Evil Knievel leaps over a mountain of blazing cliches in a cavernous plot.
[1067] You know what?
[1068] I think that critic had made up their mind before they went.
[1069] I think they went, you know, to hate Evil Knievel's movie.
[1070] I would have written a wonderful review for that movie.
[1071] Well, I think Gene Kelly was in it.
[1072] Well, there was an era.
[1073] Do you remember the, was it the swarm?
[1074] It was about bees, killer bees coming up, and they got huge stars to be in these things.
[1075] All the Irwin Allen disaster films.
[1076] And also all the Irwin Allen disaster films had the biggest Hollywood stars of the 30s and 40s and 50s were in disaster movies in the late 70s and 80s.
[1077] And it's mostly them saying, My God, how could this have happened?
[1078] Think about the Towering Inferno.
[1079] It had Paul Newman and Steve McQueen.
[1080] And O .J. Simpson.
[1081] And Fred Astaire.
[1082] That's right.
[1083] Keep going.
[1084] That's it.
[1085] Fire.
[1086] Roddy McDowell's in all of them Right, and George Kennedy George Kennedy is in almost every disaster movie So you talked about the killer bees thing in the swarm We've alienated so many people on this podcast So can I just tell you about the swarm?
[1087] I mean, not the swarm, but killer bees So in the 70s, this was a legitimate fear Who's old enough to only?
[1088] Are you the only, no, you may be you two.
[1089] No, no, I love that you pointed to Blay who's actually about 22 But he went through a horrifying He went through a horrifying experience two years ago.
[1090] Do you remember Killer Bees?
[1091] Yeah, Killer Bees were a big thing that were going to kill us all.
[1092] So, right.
[1093] They were coming from South America.
[1094] They were coming.
[1095] They did a horror movie about it called The Swarm.
[1096] They did, there was an NBC, did a special about it.
[1097] And researching this book, I found out that it was all pretty much invented by Rupert Murnock to sell papers.
[1098] Oh, my God.
[1099] He sucks.
[1100] In San Antonio.
[1101] I'm not prepared to say that.
[1102] The first newspaper, he bought these San Antonio newspapers, and they basically scared the shit out of the country to sell papers.
[1103] And then killer bees were a real thing.
[1104] But it was, you were, they were, it was going to take a year.
[1105] years for them to get to the United States, and you only really, it wasn't like one, one would sting you.
[1106] It'd be like, like a thousand would have to sting you to kill you.
[1107] Anyway, no, no, it was, it was a, I remember it was, again, an incredibly cheesy, kooky movie about the killer bees coming and taking over towns.
[1108] And I remember there's at one point, I think it was Michael Kane was a scientist in it.
[1109] And he said, and I don't do a Michael Kane impression.
[1110] It'll just be Nixon again, but no, but Michael Kane says, I can't believe it was the bees.
[1111] They've always been our friends.
[1112] Of all the insects, it was the bees.
[1113] It's more like, I can't believe it was the bees.
[1114] It was the bees.
[1115] You know, it's as a slow.
[1116] I'm really shocked.
[1117] It's not a good.
[1118] I can't believe.
[1119] Okay, but there you go.
[1120] It was the bees.
[1121] Well, that took a turn.
[1122] Well, I'll try again.
[1123] There you go.
[1124] There it is.
[1125] There it is.
[1126] I love bees, Mary Poppins.
[1127] All right.
[1128] All right.
[1129] Do you remember, do you remember the, when I'm the voice of reason, here, then the shit has hit the fan.
[1130] Do you remember the horror movie starring Michael King called The Hand?
[1131] I just watched that.
[1132] Did you watch, really?
[1133] I haven't seen that.
[1134] Oh, I adore that movie.
[1135] He is a cartoonist who loses his hand in a car accident, and then the hand starts killing people, the hand escapes and starts killing people, and then, should we do the spoiler alert or?
[1136] Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it.
[1137] You're not sure whether it's, he's imagining it, or?
[1138] Or it's manifesting his desire to kill people.
[1139] Is he killing people and he's imagining that it's his hand creeping along?
[1140] I'm going to say, no, I'm going for it's actually the hand.
[1141] Correct.
[1142] But you don't find that out to like the last minute of the movie.
[1143] It's the 70s.
[1144] I didn't read it.
[1145] Oliver Stone, who plays a cameo as a bum in that movie too.
[1146] We got more time.
[1147] Let's cover some movies.
[1148] Atlanta, you're alive.
[1149] Atlanta, you're on the air.
[1150] This is what talking to you does, Jake.
[1151] I know.
[1152] Because your books are filled with all this stuff, then the next thing you know, we're talking about the hand.
[1153] And so we might as well get the word out on the hand.
[1154] Written and directed by Oliver Stone.
[1155] And that same old story about a cartoonist who loses his hand, 1981, and the hand, of course, goes out and kills people.
[1156] So check that out.
[1157] I'm sure that's one of those movies that when you look forward on streaming, you will not find it.
[1158] Oh, I got places.
[1159] We know you have places.
[1160] Dark web.
[1161] You go to Sona's house and check out her dark web.
[1162] where she has the squishy porn.
[1163] I'm going to watch Reddit subredit squish porn.
[1164] Squish porn.
[1165] Wongka chooka Squishka.
[1166] Wonga chika chika.
[1167] High five.
[1168] All right.
[1169] Jake Tapper, book.
[1170] It's a thriller.
[1171] All the demons are here.
[1172] Book.
[1173] It's a book.
[1174] Go and read it.
[1175] Book.
[1176] No. You're a New York Times bestselling author.
[1177] This is a big deal.
[1178] It's a cool thing.
[1179] Well, thank you so much.
[1180] You guys are very, you're very kind.
[1181] We're not professional.
[1182] I don't know that we've helped you in any way.
[1183] Yeah.
[1184] But I think your listeners read books.
[1185] I think they do.
[1186] They do.
[1187] They're very.
[1188] I think you're a smart group.
[1189] We're trying to weed them out.
[1190] I think you have smart.
[1191] We do.
[1192] We have actually, we are very, we have very cool fans and very erudite fans, I believe.
[1193] All right, Jake Tapper.
[1194] Thanks, guys.
[1195] God bless and go in peace.
[1196] Thank you so much.
[1197] I was editing the podcast not long ago.
[1198] don't know if you remember this, but in one of the intros, we had a conversation where you were talking about how you told your dad when you're eating a meal.
[1199] Like, I don't, I don't like this.
[1200] And your dad said, I don't know what you like.
[1201] No, he said, why should I care what you like and don't like?
[1202] Yeah.
[1203] Despite all of our little sibling rivalry have here, you know, I think you're a very funny guy.
[1204] You did this voice on there where you're, you're that age Conan telling your father what you like.
[1205] And I was editing, and I was fucking rolling.
[1206] Do you remember it was?
[1207] I don't remember the voice.
[1208] Father.
[1209] Oh, that guy.
[1210] And what I really like to do is, when I'm really doing a prissy young fellow, I like to say instead of father, the Latin, potter.
[1211] Oh, potter.
[1212] And I have a little bell.
[1213] Dingling, going, dingling, lingling, lingling.
[1214] Potter.
[1215] Yes, son, what is it?
[1216] Potter.
[1217] It should be clear now.
[1218] I know I'm one of six, and I'm in the middle.
[1219] But I think you'd know by now I'm not a fan of half and half.
[1220] I like 2%.
[1221] Well, half and half is just a little too thick, but 2 % it gets it just right.
[1222] It's not quite as viscous, S -A -T word.
[1223] You, lousy, punk!
[1224] Oh, pot -hair!
[1225] Don't get your panties in a bunch, Pot -Hare.
[1226] Come here!
[1227] Come here, I'll smash you!
[1228] You have to catch me first!
[1229] I've got one of those old -timey bicycles with a giant front wheel.
[1230] It's called a velocopede, or a penny -farthing, if you will.
[1231] I'm getting upon it right now, and you'll have to catch me. Wee!
[1232] Then I'm zipping around the room.
[1233] My father's in his lab coat trying to catch me. Come here, you creep.
[1234] You lousy, again, so that we don't forget potterre.
[1235] 2 % is on the money for me 1 %'s too thin Half and half's too thick I love that the other five children Are 100 % normal children And you're the only one In that family Who wears a little beanie I will tell you a true story Which is This is an absolutely true story About my brother Luke We lived in Brooklyn, Massachusetts And we would walk There was this store that we would go to And it was like a small grocery and our parents would send us, my mom would send us on errands.
[1236] Like, can you go get some hamburger?
[1237] Can you get this?
[1238] Can you get that?
[1239] The store was in this one area where they're these tougher kids, like, the Irish Catholic kids that played hockey, which my brother and I definitely were not.
[1240] They were the ones that played hockey.
[1241] And they kind of knew those are those weird kids.
[1242] Their father's like a scientist and they read.
[1243] And they, and I think we kind of stuck out and they thought we were strange.
[1244] We were walking over.
[1245] My brother, Luke, is very, very high.
[1246] intelligent, he's really smart, and he was really very precocious at that age, much smarter than I was and still is much smarter than I am.
[1247] And we would, we walked down to store market one day and these tough kids came over and they kind of half surrounded us and they were sort of pushing us.
[1248] And the thing to say, at least in our town in those days, was if you wanted to say something negative about someone, you say, what are you mental?
[1249] What do you mental?
[1250] You know, I was like, hey, what are you mental?
[1251] And they were kind of shoving us a little bit and they were saying to Luke.
[1252] What are you mental?
[1253] And Luke actually said to them, well, mental is Latin and it implies of the mind.
[1254] So, that's kind of a compliment.
[1255] Thank you very much.
[1256] Bam!
[1257] The beating that ensued lasted for 20 minutes.
[1258] I was on your side until he said that.
[1259] Yeah, but I mean, you know, I do remember that.
[1260] I know.
[1261] And, you know, Luke, Luke weighed all of like 80 pounds, and I probably weighed 81 pounds.
[1262] And he was older than me, but he had like, I don't know, he had been a little sickly.
[1263] So anyway, it was just absolutely.
[1264] What do you do when your brother, you just hide?
[1265] Oh, I think I said, I don't know him.
[1266] Oh, no. Even though we look identical.
[1267] Yeah, you guys look so much alive.
[1268] Yeah, people did think we were twins practically.
[1269] But I think I pretty much had a standard line, which is I don't know this.
[1270] man I'll help you hit him and yes if anyone gets tired hitting him I'm a pretty good hitter here's a stick yeah yeah exactly you know you don't have to use your fist there's some rocks over here that way you don't bruise your knuckles and then Luke of course at the bottom of the pile would say well rocks are actually they're denser than the actual bone of a fist so I think Conan's got a good point You know, the Greeks believed.
[1271] Yeah, yeah.
[1272] What are you mental?
[1273] Well, Latin does imply, yes.
[1274] And then I'd run home to tell my father, potter, potter.
[1275] Some hooligans are thrashing Luke.
[1276] What?
[1277] Which one's Luke?
[1278] Luke is the one one year older than I. But a year separates us.
[1279] Of the six.
[1280] He is two, and I am three.
[1281] Oh, Potter, what a thrashing he's taking.
[1282] I don't have time to do anything about it.
[1283] I'm a microbiologist.
[1284] Father, you say you're a microbiologist.
[1285] Why do you sound like a prize fighter?
[1286] You lousy.
[1287] By the way, did you pick up that 2 %?
[1288] Not the time.
[1289] Yeah.
[1290] Oh, man. Anyway, a little, Luke, I love you.
[1291] Glory.
[1292] You're still smarter and better than me, but, man, Shouldn't have whipped out that Latin in front of those hockey players.
[1293] And for that, I mean, that's on you, man. Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.
[1294] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[1295] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[1296] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
[1297] Theme song by The White Stripes.
[1298] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
[1299] Take it away, Jimmy.
[1300] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
[1301] Engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Melnick, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brick Kahn.
[1302] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.
[1303] Got a question for Conan?
[1304] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.
[1305] It too could be featured on a future episode.
[1306] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.