144 - Live at the Chevalier Theatre in Medford, MA

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] It seemed like you weren't going to start it, so I just started it.

[17] Yeah, I was waiting for you.

[18] Were you doing a dramatic hole?

[19] Well, I couldn't remember if we decided to say Medford or Boston.

[20] I think it's Boston, right?

[21] I mean...

[22] Should we do another one, too?

[23] Let's do one for Medford, too, just in case they're sad.

[24] What's up, Medford?

[25] That's up, Medford.

[26] Now, if you were really funny, it would have been just dead quiet.

[27] Louis said that.

[28] Just fucking not one response in the entire room.

[29] And thank you, ma 'am, for your one woman standing ovation.

[30] Yeah.

[31] Really brave.

[32] You didn't look back till the very end.

[33] And then you sat down right away.

[34] So we knew you weren't crazy.

[35] It's just nice.

[36] That's a good feeling.

[37] What's great about tonight is unlike last night, and I could be wrong about this, there's not canned wine for sale in the lobby.

[38] So everyone isn't thinking they're drinking one glass of wine when really they're drinking two and a half glasses of wine out of a can.

[39] It was 11 % alcohol in a can of wine.

[40] wine.

[41] From what I understand, regular beer is 4 % alcohol.

[42] So, people were just like, I'm just going to have a couple of stuff.

[43] Fuck you!

[44] She's talking about me after the show when I had two and a half glasses of wine in a can.

[45] Georgia had six cans of wine.

[46] I barely made it here today.

[47] But luckily, I wasn't the naked man running around outside of our hotel when we got back.

[48] You know, it's been an amazing tour so far.

[49] We've seen the sights.

[50] We've seen everything the East Coast has to offer, including a man who lost.

[51] His shirt was off, and I watched him step out of his pants and then turned and went, naked guy on the street.

[52] Should we hold here at the...

[53] Should we pretend we're going through our purses at the trunk and just hang out for a second?

[54] We went for it.

[55] He was not conscious of us or anything else.

[56] else.

[57] And then I flashed you later.

[58] Yeah, that was fun.

[59] I'd like to...

[60] No, no, tell the whole story.

[61] Oh.

[62] You open with the punchline, and then you think you're just going to keep going?

[63] Well, then I got to my hotel room, and I opened my bag of stuff, and it was Karen's bag of stuff.

[64] And I looked at my phone, Karen's like, oh, shit, you have my bag of stuff.

[65] Let's trade.

[66] And I was like, I'll come to you.

[67] She's like, I'm at the elevator.

[68] I'm like, this is my fucking chance.

[69] And I had on, like, And like a strapless dress, you know, throw on little dress.

[70] And so, hey, hit her floor and I'm going up.

[71] And I'm like, what if there are cameras in here?

[72] So wait until the last minute and pull my dress down and then just step out of the elevator and hand the thing.

[73] Yes.

[74] You're right to cheer for her tits.

[75] You're right.

[76] She's been gifted by God.

[77] Thank you.

[78] Here's the thing.

[79] George has done this to me many times.

[80] She's a touch of a nudist.

[81] It's just a great prank, I think.

[82] Every time it is like the surprise, I can't process what I'm looking at for the first, like, half a second.

[83] So I'm like, well, it's her face.

[84] What are we doing down here?

[85] Like, every time I'm like, hey.

[86] I gotcha.

[87] Hey.

[88] That's not a shirt with pictures of tits.

[89] That's your actual tits.

[90] Titties.

[91] Gotcha.

[92] Also, it was a Friday night.

[93] in New York City in a pretty busy hotel.

[94] So the odds that there would have been some rando dudes standing next to me were, I would say, pretty good.

[95] I thought of that as I stepped out of the elevator immediately felt shame and embarrassment.

[96] Pulled it up pretty quick.

[97] But I got the point across.

[98] Well, for my experience, you stepped off the elevator and it was like one of those dresses with an elastic top here and just the elastic was down there.

[99] It was like, I chose almost like an off -the -shoulder dress.

[100] She was like, I'm doing off -the -tits tonight.

[101] Yeah, I don't think Vince even knows I did that.

[102] Secrets.

[103] My own husband.

[104] We have secrets.

[105] We're in a high school.

[106] I know.

[107] Do you guys know that?

[108] You're our student body.

[109] Ooh.

[110] This is just what it's, this is really what it's like, though.

[111] They should warn you in high school.

[112] It's like, you're kind of going to be in high school forever.

[113] Just get used to it.

[114] It's always going to be this feeling of like we were supposed to prepare something for the talent show.

[115] But we got drunk and showed each other our tits in the elevator all night.

[116] And now we're like, hello, my baby.

[117] Do we say Medford or do we say Boston?

[118] I don't know.

[119] Well, at least we have our rug to distract everyone.

[120] Yes, our handy rug.

[121] Thank you.

[122] We brought it from home.

[123] We didn't bring Stephen.

[124] Sorry.

[125] Yeah.

[126] It was the rug or Stephen?

[127] Stephen's like, you can roll me in the rug.

[128] This rug's not going to take care of my cats and send me lots and lots of photos of them when I'm sad about it.

[129] Is it?

[130] No, it's not.

[131] But yeah.

[132] Oh, this is my favorite murder of the podcast.

[133] That's right.

[134] Thank you.

[135] Karen Kilgareth.

[136] And this is Georgia Hard Start.

[137] Thank you.

[138] You guys, you guys were the ones that woke up early on the day the tickets went on sale, got the early show tickets.

[139] You're fucking on it.

[140] You're the responsible ones.

[141] That's right.

[142] Good job.

[143] You guys are the ones that are like, I want to go see them, but I'm not staying up all night.

[144] No, I have shit to do.

[145] Yeah.

[146] We support that.

[147] I'm a pastor.

[148] I have to get up and do 7 a .m. mass tomorrow morning.

[149] I'm not just going to.

[150] Yeah.

[151] I can't just...

[152] I can't be like...

[153] All the time.

[154] Oh, let's talk about your outfit.

[155] Oh, all right.

[156] Tell us.

[157] Thanks, everybody.

[158] Oftentimes when we're on tour, I go through a thing called outfit resistance where I just don't feel like getting an outfit.

[159] This time, I rolled the dice.

[160] I went on to the internet where they have lots of clothes, and I was just like, just order a couple things and see what happens.

[161] So this old thing rolls in, and I tried it on.

[162] I was like, great.

[163] It fits.

[164] Everything's perfect.

[165] and then thank you so much I like that a couple of people were saying it like, pockets pockets?

[166] It can't be.

[167] It couldn't be.

[168] They gave a pockets?

[169] Yeah.

[170] I love it.

[171] I didn't even know.

[172] I didn't know when I ordered it.

[173] It's just a fun surprise.

[174] Bonus.

[175] It was kind of like a pocket bonus.

[176] And then I stuck my hand in them the other night.

[177] Yeah, because they're nice deep pockets.

[178] This woman goes, oh, and then there's cough drops in there.

[179] Yeah.

[180] I'm kind of like a reverse piñata.

[181] You have to come in here.

[182] Then there's fun stuff.

[183] Like cough drops.

[184] And what about your dress, Georgia?

[185] This is a dress.

[186] I bought it.

[187] I got $10 shoes on.

[188] Thank you.

[189] Very nice.

[190] I put my really nice high -heeled gold shoes next to the door at home.

[191] home.

[192] And Vince, who was coming out after us, I was like, if you can fit those in your suitcase, bring them, don't forget.

[193] And he was like, okay, I'll try.

[194] And then got to the hotel, and he was like, I couldn't fit them.

[195] And I was so fucking happy about it.

[196] You know, in the future, you don't even have to go through any of that.

[197] You can just not bring them.

[198] I know, but, you know, I wanted to try.

[199] Why?

[200] I don't know.

[201] This is a weird thing I have.

[202] And so I got $10 shoes at Old Navy instead, and that's what's happening.

[203] And I am very happy with my decision.

[204] And they have shoe pocket Oh my God You can put your Put it on it There's a whole knife in there Oh wait Do a spin It's a feature that you didn't know you had last night Look at Look at Scarlett O 'Hara You could put crinolins under there And go to a dance I'm dizzy I could say you're busy or you're dizzy Dizzy I'm too busy to go to that dance Nobody asked me Stupid.

[205] Wait, what?

[206] Should we sit down?

[207] Sure, yeah.

[208] These are nice.

[209] Oh, I want to...

[210] Never in the history of fucking this podcast live has a table been tiny areas.

[211] This is less a table and more an elbow rest, actually.

[212] I mean, it's really all the room we need, but...

[213] But still, give us a little more than we need.

[214] I feel inferior.

[215] Also, So we were getting driven here by someone who works here, and we were like, what shows have you have been here lately?

[216] And I still feel the energy.

[217] What was it?

[218] The Price is right.

[219] Live was here.

[220] Did you go to it?

[221] I didn't even know that was a thing.

[222] Was it amazing?

[223] Was the price right?

[224] Did you win two cars?

[225] Was Plinko here?

[226] That sounds fucking amazing.

[227] And then I just realized just now.

[228] Was Plinko here?

[229] Did Plinko come?

[230] Oh, my God.

[231] Did you get a...

[232] Photo with Blinkgo?

[233] But then I just realized I could actually go to the Price is Right.

[234] Actual show.

[235] Yeah, in our hometown.

[236] In our hometown.

[237] But I was really excited about it being here, too.

[238] We asked if Drew Carey came, turns out he didn't.

[239] So if you're bummed that you weren't here, don't worry.

[240] I bet you they got a local comic who tried their best.

[241] I wonder if they gave actual money away.

[242] I bet they did.

[243] I bet they did.

[244] Actual money.

[245] That's fucking cool.

[246] If you were at The Price is Right Live, please write to my favorite murdered at gmail .com and let us know what it was like.

[247] We'd love to know.

[248] Oh, this is a true crime comedy podcast.

[249] That's right.

[250] There are rules and regulations.

[251] I mean, there's all kinds of stipulations.

[252] We basically like to tell people, because sometimes people are fans, and then they bring people who are not fans to the show.

[253] And those people have no fucking clue what's going on.

[254] They're like, this isn't really what I. want to be doing and you just talk through the whole thing there's just talking it's just girls talking can you imagine oh it's the wave of the future get used to it it's going to start happening all the time but yeah that's right here we'll go first we're going to dominate the conversation tonight, but then go ahead and get out there and really do it yourselves later.

[255] But we just like to warn people, if you're not used to this show or whatever.

[256] We talk about true crime, which is really heavy and dark, and can be very awful, and there's a little loss, but we also make jokes to each other about it while we're talking about it, because that's what we're like, and that's how we talk to each other, and life is complex, and sometimes difficult.

[257] cults and if you don't like it you can get the fuck out is essentially our invitation to you the person who doesn't exist in this room and yet we're still dedicating five minutes at the top to them it's just what we like to do every once in a while we got heckled once in australia so now we feel like we need to give a warning at the top of the show yeah we really just need to call that guy and be like hey man what the fuck it's we should we should do the warning is if If you're a drunk Australian man that's not used to girls talking freely in the way they want to, you can get the fuck.

[258] If you just buy tickets to shit.

[259] If you're a season pass holder to this theater and thought, you know, I want to go out at Saturday night.

[260] I have favorites of my own.

[261] I'd like to see what their favorites are.

[262] What's a podcast?

[263] It's like a radio show?

[264] A podcast is like, I love radio shows.

[265] My granddaughter likes podcasts.

[266] I'm going to give it a shot and get really shot.

[267] shit face first, then scream at them.

[268] And then express feelings that have nothing to do with what's happening in front of me, but that I can't talk to to the real people I feel them about.

[269] Right.

[270] This is a psychology class.

[271] We're really judging that Australian guy, but...

[272] I mean, come on.

[273] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[274] Absolutely.

[275] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[276] Exactly.

[277] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[278] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[279] That's right.

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[281] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

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[286] Connect with customers in line and online.

[287] Do retail right with Shopify.

[288] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[289] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[290] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[291] That Shopify dot com slash murder.

[292] Goodbye.

[293] Hey, this is exciting.

[294] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[295] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[296] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[297] Who killed Saz?

[298] And were they really after Charles?

[299] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[300] This season, murder hits close to home.

[301] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[302] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[303] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[304] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[305] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[306] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[307] Goodbye.

[308] Who goes first again?

[309] I think it's you.

[310] Okay.

[311] All right.

[312] I'm first tonight, guys.

[313] Thank you.

[314] All right.

[315] You know what that means?

[316] You have the table.

[317] Can I please have some room?

[318] I'll just be over here, kind of freely in space.

[319] Table?

[320] Thinking about my Spanx.

[321] Okay.

[322] Let me talk to Spanx about different panels in the front, more military grade.

[323] Stuff that...

[324] Some NASA shit going on.

[325] One of those ones that gets this up here.

[326] Oh, yeah.

[327] They have those.

[328] Yeah, the slip I have on, that's basically sausage case.

[329] was just like, we're going to pull everything in.

[330] And I'm like, not the tits.

[331] I need that.

[332] They're like, no, the tits have to go too.

[333] Yeah, I have to.

[334] I mean all the help I can get.

[335] Sorry.

[336] I didn't mean to touch your paper.

[337] I don't want you to see the name of it because then you would know that I'm about to do the Parkman murder.

[338] Ooh.

[339] Great.

[340] Thank you.

[341] Spooky Halloween.

[342] Okay.

[343] Yeah, this is the murder of George Parkman.

[344] Okay.

[345] You guys probably all learned about this in your Boston history class.

[346] In this very building.

[347] In this very building.

[348] When you went to high school down the hall.

[349] Well, then this will be just a refresher course for you.

[350] Hang in there.

[351] I got a lot of info from the internet.

[352] But also, you guys have a local history podcast called Hub History, and they have a lot of good info on that too.

[353] So, fucking shout out to them.

[354] Okay.

[355] So, mid -1800s.

[356] Yes.

[357] There we are.

[358] Great start.

[359] That's what we like.

[360] Everyone loves it.

[361] The smells.

[362] They're everywhere.

[363] And then the bloomers and stuff.

[364] There's bloomers hanging from every gas post.

[365] Yeah.

[366] Just throw your waist into the street with the horses.

[367] Okay.

[368] So there's a dude named John Webster White.

[369] Okay.

[370] He's a doctor.

[371] He's from a well -connected family.

[372] He's a lecturer at Harvard Medical College.

[373] So like hoity tooty and shit.

[374] I know the type.

[375] Chemistry instructor at the medical school.

[376] He had his own laboratory.

[377] Excuse me, laboratory.

[378] I went to Harvard.

[379] No, I did it.

[380] You drove by.

[381] I did.

[382] The wing called Santa Monica City College.

[383] You know.

[384] Okay, he's an instructor in the laboratory.

[385] Okay.

[386] He is described by Oliver Wendell Holmes as a pleasant place.

[387] wasn't in the lecture room, but a rather nervous and excitable person.

[388] And this might be because most of his lectures, and, like, he shows people his, you know, laboratory chemistry stuff, and it's, like, explosions and fireworks and shit.

[389] He just, like, mixes chemicals, and then it's, like, boom.

[390] So he's nervous all the time.

[391] Yeah, I guess.

[392] Maybe he shouldn't have gone into that line of work.

[393] Right.

[394] If you're a nervous, excitable type, don't go into fireworks.

[395] It's probably not your jam.

[396] He had once been wealthy.

[397] He had been from, like, a rich family in town, but they'd fallen on hard times, and he, maybe because he wasn't good at managing his money, he would do shit, like, buy a mastodon skeleton for a lot of money, and be like, Harvard is going to pay me back, and Harvard were like, we're not paying you back for that, bro.

[398] I fucking love this guy already.

[399] He's a handful.

[400] He's all nervously buying a mastodon skeleton.

[401] Um, this is my interest.

[402] I'm also scared of it.

[403] He had failed at running his own private medical practice, so he had become the chemistry professor, and he kind of got free reign to do whatever the fuck he want.

[404] That included selling tickets to go watch his laboratory fireworks shows and shit, which was like how he made extra money on the side to support his wife and four daughters.

[405] Okay.

[406] And they, I guess, were used to, like, live in it up in the high life because they had been rich and now they weren't anymore.

[407] so he was, like, short on money.

[408] I don't like that he's blending his wife and kids because this motherfucker bought mastodon skeletons.

[409] Yeah, I was going to say, so I don't think it's...

[410] If you're short on money, go ahead and give up that mastodon skeleton.

[411] Even used, you could probably get five, ten bucks for it.

[412] Oh, so fucking looting.

[413] Wouldn't you think?

[414] So he had, they had been forced to give up the mansion that they had built in Cambridge, but they were leasing a house that his family was pissed that they weren't living in luxury, as I said.

[415] So he was in debt to a lot of friends.

[416] He had borrowed money from friends.

[417] Nervously.

[418] Okay, so then this brings us to the next dude we're going to talk about.

[419] It's George Parkman.

[420] So he's born in 1790.

[421] He's the ninth of 11 children.

[422] It's a lot.

[423] And his father at one time was one of the wealthiest men in Boston.

[424] So this is another fucking hoity tooty highfalutin family.

[425] He's super smart.

[426] By the time he's 15, he's enrolled in, at Harvard to study medicine.

[427] Fifteen?

[428] Yeah.

[429] Ech.

[430] That's when you're supposed to be smoking out by the railroad tracks.

[431] Take it easy, friend.

[432] Trying to look at girls' bloomers and shit, right?

[433] He was into mental health, and he was concerned about the poor treatment of those in asylum, so he was always like, even though his colleagues were like, who fucking cares?

[434] We're rich.

[435] He was like, no, we should give a shit.

[436] And so he also treated the poor people in South Boston during his free time.

[437] Poor people.

[438] South Boston, poor people.

[439] We've seen your movies.

[440] We know who you are.

[441] Wonderful, wonderful accent.

[442] So, and he contributed funding for a modern mental health hospital for everyone to be able to go to.

[443] So not a bad guy, probably.

[444] He was in charge of his family's trust.

[445] They had maintained their wealth, so they were still rich as shit.

[446] And he was engaged in real estate investment and speculation.

[447] It's just where you pretend like you know stuff.

[448] Like, I'm going to buy that.

[449] I bet it'll be worth a lot of money someday, not mastodon skeletons.

[450] Burry the mastodon skeleton in it, and it'll be worth tons of money.

[451] That's smart.

[452] And that also meant that he was in charge.

[453] of collecting rent for all the buildings around Boston that he owned.

[454] So he would fuck, he was like kind of a cheap skate so he like wouldn't even get a horse.

[455] I guess it's like someone not getting a car these days.

[456] I don't know.

[457] And so he would just walk and he was, so he's like a well -known figure walking along with the street in Boston.

[458] Because he walked with his hands up by his face like that.

[459] Yeah, as a matter of fact, let me show you a photo first of John Webster White.

[460] Is it, yeah.

[461] Oh, God.

[462] I'm scared now.

[463] Don't be.

[464] Fireworks.

[465] Oh, no. It's not working.

[466] I think you point it that way, yeah.

[467] This way?

[468] Okay.

[469] If only.

[470] It's not working, and I don't want to show your...

[471] There we go.

[472] Oh, son of us.

[473] Okay, is that him?

[474] I'm scared to show your murder on accident.

[475] Don't worry about it.

[476] Okay.

[477] I know one's coming.

[478] Okay, that there is John, Webster, White.

[479] Okay, this is nervous fireworks mastodon?

[480] Yes.

[481] Okay.

[482] And you can see it in his eyes.

[483] You know, you've met this guy before.

[484] He looks like his hair has been blown forward from an explosion.

[485] He is early Bieber adapter.

[486] Yes.

[487] But then also, he looks like a Los Angeles agent with the smallest possible glasses that you could buy at the store.

[488] Right.

[489] Furrowed brow.

[490] And then, son of a...

[491] Oh, no!

[492] Okay.

[493] I'm the nervous one now.

[494] You didn't see that.

[495] Okay, so here's George Parkman.

[496] He doesn't do the walk again, because look at how he actually walks.

[497] No. What did I do?

[498] I don't remember.

[499] Right.

[500] So he'd wear a top hat.

[501] He had a fucking insanely huge jaw.

[502] That was like one of his character traits.

[503] He was constantly arresting himself.

[504] Yeah.

[505] He was lean and tall with a protruding chin, and he wore a top hat.

[506] So that was his thing.

[507] That checks out.

[508] But, and he has, yeah, I was, I was just going to say that, so shut the fuck up.

[509] God damn it.

[510] So, I'm so mad at you right now.

[511] And he had tiny feet.

[512] And in closing, he had tiny feet.

[513] That's what I was going to say.

[514] What tiniest?

[515] He was worth about half a million dollars in 1849, which is like 12 million today.

[516] For real?

[517] Yeah.

[518] Wow.

[519] Probably.

[520] Oh.

[521] Is that your guesstimation?

[522] That's what Hub History said, and I stole it.

[523] Okay.

[524] So he, well, he was kind of a penny pincher when it came to transportation.

[525] The guy with the chin?

[526] Yeah, yeah.

[527] So he's the one walk around collecting rent, and he's rich as fuck, all these things.

[528] He was a penny pinnature, but he was really generous with loans and with people who couldn't pay rent on time because they'd lose their job or had problems, so he'd be like, no problem.

[529] but then he would also was super strict about loans too so he would be cool with it but then he would be really hardcore with the date that they were going to pay him back and crazy interest as well.

[530] Yeah, that's how you get them.

[531] That's exactly how you get them and how you're gotten.

[532] Okay.

[533] So these two dudes are friends here.

[534] They had met at Harvard as students so they were friends and they knew each other their families knew each other, etc. Sometime in 1842, Webster Mastodon got a loan of around $400 from Parkman.

[535] So in today's money, that's around $10 ,000.

[536] Jesus.

[537] That's a lot of money.

[538] So time goes on.

[539] Webster's not able to pay Parkman back.

[540] Parkman is total dick about it.

[541] He's like following him around on his errands being like, when are you going to pay me back?

[542] He'd go to his lectures.

[543] But with his hands behind his back.

[544] When are you going to pay me back?

[545] Great.

[546] Give you that money.

[547] Um, and he'd go to his, uh, Webster's explosion, uh, lectures and sit in the back and just be like, you know, you owe me money and shit.

[548] He told everyone how much Webster owed him, which I'm sure is embarrassing when you were once a wealthy person and not anymore.

[549] Mm -hmm.

[550] I wouldn't know.

[551] Uh, and then, blah, blah, blah, but, okay.

[552] So he also raised his interest like crazy.

[553] And so now, uh, Parkman, so he's still in debt to Parkman.

[554] and this is like seven years later, but he still needs money.

[555] And so Webster goes to Parkman's son -in -losh, this dude Shaw, and he's like, look, I will sell you my fine cabinet and collection of mineral collections.

[556] So it's actually worth some money, but I'll sell it to you because I need the money.

[557] And he's...

[558] I mean, isn't a mineral collection rocks?

[559] I don't know what that.

[560] Okay, okay.

[561] Yeah, Mastodon?

[562] You may have my rocks.

[563] there I've paid you back right so he was like I'll sell it to you and Shaw was like I don't really fucking need a mineral collection but I feel bad for you so sure I'll buy it from you and the problem with this is that Parkman way back when when he gave him that $10 ,000 in today's money loan the collateral was said mineral cabinet full rocks so it was valuable yes okay and so if Webster was to default on his loan he had promised him that cabinet which he had just sold to someone else so the loan at this point seven years later so it had gone from 10 ,000 in today's money now it's 60 ,000 seven years later that's kind of unfair right?

[564] No how do you ever pay that back?

[565] Well you don't borrow money you don't have and then you don't have that problem or at least not from that fucking guy get a guy with a better percentage That's a great idea.

[566] Okay.

[567] I solved it.

[568] Thanks so much for coming tonight, everybody.

[569] This is the true crime, comedy, and banking podcast.

[570] We call it, it's just that easy.

[571] And then Parkman fucking finds out about the mineral collection, you know, trick.

[572] And he is fucking pissed.

[573] And apparently he had a little bit of a temper too.

[574] So what happens?

[575] Well, shortly after this, Parkman, our chin guy disappears.

[576] Oh.

[577] Okay.

[578] So he's super known for his punctuality.

[579] You know, they always see him walk in the streets.

[580] He gets where he's supposed to go on time and everything.

[581] And so when he doesn't show up home on Friday, November 23rd, 1849, his family are immediately like, this is not right.

[582] Something's not wrong.

[583] No. Something's not right.

[584] It's wrong.

[585] Right.

[586] That's right.

[587] He was wealthy.

[588] so the police immediately give a shit.

[589] Another great tip.

[590] Right.

[591] And the entire city cares too because the next day the Parkman family placed ads all over in all the papers.

[592] They hand out 28 ,000 missing person flyers and I'm sure with that drawing on it.

[593] And they also offer a $3 ,000 reward for his safe return.

[594] So I'm sure everyone in town was like, let's find this fucker.

[595] The publicity in his disappearance results in hundreds of tips and sightings.

[596] Everyone's like, he's right over there.

[597] And, you know, everyone sees him.

[598] It's not him.

[599] Two days after the disappearance, our old friend, Mastodon collector, Webster, he comes over to the Parkman's house because he knew them.

[600] They were family friends, knocks on the door, and the wife of Mrs. Parkman's like, go, he's come to, you know, sent his condolences or whatever.

[601] Instead, he's like, hey, I saw him the afternoon, he disappeared.

[602] We had an appointment, or like a week before, and, or maybe the day of, it's confusing.

[603] It's very unclear.

[604] It was so long ago.

[605] And he didn't save his calendars.

[606] Wow.

[607] Nice one.

[608] Huh?

[609] I said nice one.

[610] So he was like, well, he came to visit me at my offices, those weird laboratories that I have in privacy at the medical school.

[611] And guess what?

[612] When he was there, I paid him all the money I owed him back.

[613] And then he left.

[614] Okay.

[615] Well, great to see you.

[616] Thanks for dropping by and just squaring up the whole story.

[617] Right.

[618] So he said, like, maybe he had the money on him, was on his way to the bank and got robbed or whatever.

[619] But either way, the loan is paid.

[620] See you later.

[621] Yeah.

[622] I just crossed my name off that list.

[623] Right.

[624] And so Mrs. Parkin was like, hold up.

[625] You know, she's not stupid.

[626] She would call the cops, and they probably didn't call the cops.

[627] They didn't have that.

[628] I don't know.

[629] She pulled a weird string, and then a series of bells went off down the street.

[630] Right.

[631] And it's like, a wealthy person needs us.

[632] Let's go figure it out.

[633] Yeah.

[634] And so police were told about the weird encounter, and they kind of looked into it.

[635] They did some basic searching of Webster's office, but he was like, don't look in that cellar directly under my laboratory or in the bathroom.

[636] And they would have had to cut through a stone wall to look in there.

[637] So they were like, okay, we won't.

[638] Goodbye.

[639] Yeah.

[640] But instead, they began dragging the Charles River and Boston Harbor, looking for a body.

[641] They don't find anything.

[642] And then meanwhile, everyone in town is like, you know what we should do is let's find a poor person to blame for this, because that's more likely.

[643] And so enter the janitor.

[644] his name is Ephraim Littlefield he was what's called a swamp Yankee of rural origins That's problematic I don't like it That's what Wikipedia told me Very nerve -wracking So he basically wasn't from a wealthy Bostonian family of many loud you know He was not The table's so tiny the tiny table's spinning it's really fucking me up so he had been the janitor at the Harvard Medical College since 1842 he and his wife Carolyn lived in the basement of the medical college right next door to Professor Webster's laboratory to supplement his income he obtained cadavers for dissection in which he sold to the professors which I think was on the level at the time and as a janitor he cleaned the doctor's rooms and laboratories and started their fires and set up specimens for their lectures real quick started their fires yeah like on the like legit on the level fires like we get in in the morning and it's freezing cold ah yes start your fires not arson the professor comes and knocks on their door quickly um would you burn down my ex -girlfriend's house I have to get to a lecture and my hands can't be sallied it's part of my job no great question though thank you so much thank you for clarifying that wood burning stove we're talking about the past exactly got you um and and help them in their labs with the specimens and such so he kind of could tell immediately that people were suspicious of him and so he was like fuck this shit uh and started putting some things together in his head and came up with a suspect on his own.

[645] So he noticed that since the day of Parkman's disappearance, Webster, his wall neighbor, had been acting strangely, including that Littlefield, the janitor, tell him what he saw the day of the disappearance and, like, questioning hardcore on it.

[646] Oh.

[647] And he'd, like, never talked to the janitor before, so the janitor was like, this is weird.

[648] And then the day after the, when the cops had come to, like, kind of poke around, he gave Littlefield a turkey as a present.

[649] And the janitor, Littlefield, was like, this isn't right.

[650] This motherfucker would never give me anything out of the kindness of his heart.

[651] It wasn't November or any, like, seasonal?

[652] It was November, and it was Thanksgiving.

[653] Oh.

[654] However, he was a dick.

[655] No, you're right.

[656] No. It's like, I get it.

[657] I mean, if it was April and someone gives you a whole turkey, run away but no you're so he's suspicious of the of the generosity yeah something's going on here and then he had asked Webster had asked him a bunch of questions about the dissecting vault and let's see he had heard an argument between Parkman and Webster in the lab earlier that week and so he kind of knew something that was up and that Parkman had been there and he finished he cleaned the lab, but Webster's lab was locked, blah, blah, blah.

[658] He heard someone moving inside when it was locked, and he thought that that was weird, so he peered under the door, which must have had a big, I mean, it must have been a big crack because he saw a lot.

[659] He was trying to get so flat on the ground.

[660] He saw him walk between the furnace and the fuel closet back and forth, back and forth, and then when he touched the wall, the furnace was burning so hot that day that the whole wall was warm.

[661] And he was like, this is fucking weird.

[662] So, oh, and this turkey.

[663] So he eats the turkey.

[664] So he also went into the room when Webster had gone.

[665] And then it says, just casually in like all the articles and shit, it says, he found that the kindling barrels were nearly empty, though they had recently been filled.

[666] And there were wet spots that tasted like acid in odd places.

[667] And nobody questions that online.

[668] That tasted like acid in odd places.

[669] That always happens when you're looking up at like a certain event and there is a cut and paste that people don't check.

[670] So it's just like on every single website.

[671] Yeah, and it is and it's probably true, but it's like he fucking tasted, he like licked the acid that was on the floor.

[672] Now what's this?

[673] Animal urine or oil or acid.

[674] I just try it.

[675] Just get down and try it and then peek under the door.

[676] I just don't.

[677] like that part.

[678] It doesn't sit with me. Well, I mean, the past.

[679] Am I right?

[680] The past.

[681] Everyone.

[682] So, on November 29th, Thanksgiving, Littlefield borrows a hatchet, a drill, and a crowbar, and a mortar chisel, grabs his wife, and he's like, hang out with me while I do this.

[683] I don't know.

[684] Maybe they were friends.

[685] Yeah, it was a good marriage.

[686] Right?

[687] Yeah.

[688] So he starts chiseling away the wall under Webster's private lab privy, his toilet, right?

[689] So he starts getting in there, he goes down a tunnel into a vault where the wall had felt too hot and begins to hack at it where the privy emptied into a pit that the police had in the search.

[690] Already disgusting, you know what I mean?

[691] But they don't really, it's just so privy.

[692] Okay.

[693] So he goes through two layers of brick, eventually manages to punch a hole through the wall, peers in, it's totally dark, his eyes adjust to the light, and he sees something protruding from the ground, turns out to be a human pelvis.

[694] Oh.

[695] He also spots a dismembered thigh and the lower part of a leg, upper and lower leg.

[696] Just like that whole entire leg.

[697] Right.

[698] Yeah.

[699] Every part.

[700] All parts of a leg.

[701] Even the middle.

[702] That's right.

[703] Some call it a knee.

[704] Not me. So he's like, at this point, he's like, all right, I'm not going to.

[705] My wife's, you know, getting sick, maybe, I don't know.

[706] He grabs another professor and they go get the marshal.

[707] They all go back to the privy.

[708] And they're all about to dig in.

[709] It's like a bunch of cops and shit.

[710] And they decide that the man with the longest arms would have to go into the privy and hand out the remains, which I just pictured everyone just immediately.

[711] Going like, who is it?

[712] I don't know what it's going to be.

[713] Do you want to do it?

[714] Should I do it?

[715] Let's measure arms.

[716] Well, I'll just put your arm in.

[717] I guess it's going to be you, Eric.

[718] Eric long arms, that's what they call him.

[719] The long arm of the law.

[720] Thanks.

[721] Wow, applause on that?

[722] I don't know.

[723] I don't know about that.

[724] I'm kind of with you.

[725] I mean, I don't want to take it away about it.

[726] I mean, it was pretty great, but what do I know?

[727] I'm the one saying it.

[728] Okay.

[729] So he goes in.

[730] Some poor Eric long arm goes in, and he hands out the pelvis, the right thigh, and the lower left leg.

[731] Then they go over to where the furnace is, and in there is a jawbone and teeth.

[732] I know.

[733] And then they're like, do you guys smell that smell coming from that closet over there?

[734] and they're like, yeah.

[735] So they go over to the privy, right?

[736] No, it's not the privy.

[737] They go in the open, and they find a trunk.

[738] They open it, and in the trunk is a torso and thigh.

[739] Oh.

[740] Yeah.

[741] And so they go and arrest Webster, and they take him to jail on a charge of murder.

[742] He denies any knowledge.

[743] He says that the janitor must have done it and is blaming me for it.

[744] He then takes something, a pill that he had been careful.

[745] with him.

[746] It turns out to be strychnine, but somehow it doesn't kill him.

[747] And I don't understand it because they're like, he was, in all the articles, it was like, he was too excited to die from the strict nine.

[748] I'm like, I don't think that's how Stricknine works.

[749] Maybe he's just too excited to die.

[750] Maybe he, like, wanted to pop it and, like, couldn't catch it or something.

[751] I don't know.

[752] It just didn't work on him.

[753] Maybe he'd just been inhaling too many fireworks, like fumes over the years.

[754] That's probably it.

[755] So he survives and goes to trial.

[756] The Webster Parkman case reaches national headlines, becomes one of those popular murder trials of the 19th century.

[757] Newspapers are fucking all over this shit, day -by -day accounts, and rich people are like, it wasn't our rich dude.

[758] It must have been the janitor trying to set him up.

[759] And there was so much interest in the case that in the 12 -day trial, They had to put bleachers in the courtroom instead of seats.

[760] Foam fingers and shit.

[761] Team Parkman.

[762] And then people, they also sold tickets to watch the trial for 10 minutes at a time, like, in and out.

[763] In 12 days, they sold 40 ,000 tickets.

[764] What?

[765] These fucking looky -lose.

[766] What if it was just one guy going 40 ,000 times?

[767] Murderinos have been.

[768] around forever.

[769] I know.

[770] That's what it is.

[771] Don't fucking tell us.

[772] I mean.

[773] The record show that about 60 ,000 people attended the trial at some point or another.

[774] And so the trial is one of the first in American history where forensic evidence is presented.

[775] Oh.

[776] Because they brought in defense and prosecution brought in medical experts to testify and because they didn't have the head.

[777] They were like, how can you be sure it's him.

[778] It might not be him and it fucking totally was him.

[779] But so they had the jaw bone though and so they brought in a dentist named Dr. Keith.

[780] And so he had had to fit Parkman with a with like dentures recently and because his jaw was so fucking insane he had to take these crazy molds of it.

[781] So he came in and like did it like dun dun dun in the courtroom.

[782] It was like the mold fits in the jawbone that we do have, even though we don't have the rest of the head and stuff.

[783] So it was, yeah, it was totally him.

[784] So the picture where his jaw is sticking out, like, that was the real deal.

[785] Yeah.

[786] That was a real quality that he had.

[787] That's right.

[788] And then it came into play at the end.

[789] Yeah.

[790] Did you do that on purpose?

[791] Make his jaw look like that?

[792] No. Like, oh, talk about the jaw in the beginning, and then later in that, yeah, totally did that.

[793] On purpose.

[794] Well, great job.

[795] I am a researcher.

[796] That's my job.

[797] So Chief Justice Shaw, so this is the first time that this ever happens.

[798] Usually the standard for saying someone is guilty was like 100 % certainty.

[799] You had to be sure that they were guilty.

[800] This is the first time he was like, how about this?

[801] How about beyond a reasonable doubt motherfuckers?

[802] And that was the first time that that happened.

[803] Wow.

[804] I bet he probably didn't say motherfuckers, but, you know.

[805] It's in parentheses.

[806] Yeah, yeah.

[807] It's an implied motherfucker.

[808] All the evidence obviously points towards him being guilty.

[809] So, Dr. Webster, after three hours of the jury deliberating, Dr. Webster is found guilty and sentenced to be executed.

[810] And a short while later, he shocks everyone by confessing.

[811] But he's like, not surprisingly, it was self -defense, you know, that old one.

[812] Sure.

[813] Sure.

[814] He claims that Parkman was in such a rage when he came to his office to try to get his debts that he took the fire poker and hit him with it when he was coming at him.

[815] Probably not true.

[816] He is executed by hanging on August 30th, 1850, and afterwards, Miss Parkman, the widow, she opens a trust for Webster's widow and four daughters and puts large, sums of money in it and just becomes a philanthropist after that.

[817] Oh, no. I know.

[818] Isn't that?

[819] That means, I almost started crying.

[820] Don't cry.

[821] That's so nice.

[822] Isn't this lovely?

[823] That's so generous.

[824] I know.

[825] Why did she do this?

[826] I don't know.

[827] It's like she's a...

[828] I didn't see it coming.

[829] I know.

[830] We're all supposed to act like that.

[831] I'm going to cry.

[832] It's really nice.

[833] I know.

[834] I mean, she's the fuck, she was the widow first.

[835] Yeah.

[836] Everyone would have been like, you don't have to do shit.

[837] Yeah, you're good.

[838] It's basically like she started a Kickstarter for the fucking family of the man who killed her husband.

[839] Because it's not their fault that the husband is some fireworks asshole.

[840] Yeah.

[841] Oh, by the way, you can still see the mastodon skeleton at Harvard College.

[842] Oh, my God.

[843] They were like, we're not going to keep it.

[844] We're not going to pay you back, but we'll keep it.

[845] Nice.

[846] Yeah.

[847] So that is the story of the murder of Dr. George Parkman.

[848] Amazing.

[849] Thank you.

[850] Thank you.

[851] Widows helping widows.

[852] You know that someone wrote a musical about that one day, like, at some point in life, right?

[853] Did or is going to?

[854] I bet did or is, yeah, either one.

[855] Did or is going to.

[856] There's one other picture, but I'm scared of putting it up.

[857] Well, let's see.

[858] And then if it's George's picture, we can have a final moment, and then if it's my picture, it'll be the beginning of mine.

[859] Let's see what happens.

[860] What if it's nothing?

[861] What if?

[862] No one.

[863] I think point that way.

[864] Really?

[865] Yeah.

[866] There we go.

[867] There's him.

[868] That guy.

[869] There's old tiny feet, McGee.

[870] And then do one more.

[871] There's...

[872] Oh.

[873] No. No. Karens!

[874] No. Yeah, that was kind of it.

[875] Oh, well.

[876] I mean...

[877] Something will happen.

[878] At you?

[879] In it?

[880] On it?

[881] Oh, round.

[882] Let's just...

[883] I'll pass out my iPhone, and you You guys can all see the photo on that.

[884] I blame Stephen.

[885] Ooh, here we go.

[886] There it is.

[887] There it is.

[888] Okay.

[889] There we go.

[890] Look at that John line.

[891] So that's the...

[892] Look how big his feet are in that picture.

[893] Humongous.

[894] Not funny at all.

[895] Okay, let's see what mine is.

[896] What's yours now?

[897] Let's see.

[898] How could it be?

[899] If it works.

[900] What is it?

[901] Let's just leave it on him People who don't listen We're not cheering for people getting hurt Remember the lecture Karen gave you before We're cheering because we want Karen to tell us the story Tell us our What are you doing still?

[902] Just the visuals, okay Oh shit!

[903] Yeah, great Okay Tell us a story.

[904] Tell us a bedtime story.

[905] Tell us a bedtime time story.

[906] Here's the thing.

[907] I was preparing to do, I was looking into a different one.

[908] And as I did, it dawned on me that this truly is one of my favorite stories of all time.

[909] And I actually, it really is.

[910] I think the first time I saw, it was probably on like mysteries at the fucking museum or some late night weird shit like that where I was like, wait, is this real?

[911] it is the craziest worst story that's also oddly funny and bizarre it's so Boston it's so Boston isn't it it's just like what happened to everybody with what item okay all of my information is cut it and paste it from Wikipedia like so crazy you wouldn't believe it please donate we owe them so much.

[912] So this is a 50 -foot molasses storage tank.

[913] That's fucking huge.

[914] 50 feet.

[915] And it stands at 5, or did stand, sorry, at 529 commercial street at the Purity Distilling Company facility in Boston's North End.

[916] That motherfucker cooker contains.

[917] Tell me a secret.

[918] Tell me a secret.

[919] How this is it contained?

[920] I'm going to tell you.

[921] So much about molasses.

[922] How many?

[923] Crazy.

[924] How many shots did it take?

[925] You guys, you guys.

[926] Do you want to do molasses with me?

[927] Over two million gallons of molasses was contained in this thing.

[928] It was the property of the United States industrial alcohol, which was a company that took regular shipments of molasses from the Caribbean and used them to produce alcohol.

[929] For liquor.

[930] Yes.

[931] It seems so innocent, like molasses, oh, everybody's going to have pancakes.

[932] No, it was for liquor, and it was for munitions manufacturing, oddly enough.

[933] Gross.

[934] I only like one of those things.

[935] Guess which one?

[936] Munitions.

[937] Okay, so they built this tank in 1915.

[938] It was during World War I when the Department of, man for industrial alcohol had increased, but it was done in a rush, and so it was very haphazard construction.

[939] So by 1919, four years later, this was a largely Irish and Italian immigrant neighborhood, right?

[940] That's here for all of us.

[941] And all these Irish and Italian families, which must have been the loudest combination, If you think about it.

[942] Just people yelling and gesturing and telling endless stories.

[943] Eating and eating.

[944] So much bread.

[945] By the way, we got a fucking huge box of canoly's backstage.

[946] Oh, my God.

[947] They gave us...

[948] From modern pastries.

[949] They call them lobster tails.

[950] And lobster tales.

[951] Lobster.

[952] I've ever seen a fucking lobster tale?

[953] I thought some of...

[954] had made two big croissants and then just gave them to us.

[955] They're humongous.

[956] I already ate half a canoli before the show.

[957] I'm going to eat another half for the next one just to get that sugar fucking high.

[958] Yeah, that's right, that's right.

[959] And then bust out the back ear dress.

[960] Okay, so the Irish and the Italians are completely used to hearing this tank rumble and make creaky noises.

[961] And they're like, that old thing.

[962] Anyway, as I was saying for 16 hours, it often actually leaked molasses onto the street, and the neighbors would go over and just grab some and take it home and use it for themselves.

[963] Okay.

[964] It was very common.

[965] So nobody minded until January 15th, 1919.

[966] Okay.

[967] And that day, oddly enough, the temperature had risen from two degrees to 40 degrees.

[968] Even though it was January, it was a very mild winter for Boston.

[969] I was like, you must have gotten that wrong because two degrees isn't a thing.

[970] Yeah, it is out of here.

[971] They do two degrees all the time.

[972] You guys.

[973] For real.

[974] And they think 40 degrees is like kind of toasty.

[975] Oh, my God.

[976] Yes.

[977] Do you know in California, when it's 60, we're freezing our fucking tits on?

[978] We're like, everyone stay inside.

[979] Yeah.

[980] And then you get your janitor to light a fire for you.

[981] Your ex -boyfriend's house?

[982] Warm up by the ex -boyfriend's burning.

[983] That's right.

[984] Oh, don't.

[985] That's terrible.

[986] Who said that?

[987] Stephen, edit that out.

[988] Wow.

[989] Look at the rich people up in the balcony.

[990] Oh, I didn't see what had my monocle in.

[991] Oh.

[992] The Walbergs are here.

[993] Welcome.

[994] Welcome.

[995] Look at our rug.

[996] Okay.

[997] So, January 15th, 1919, it's about 12 .30 in the afternoon.

[998] And witnesses say that they felt the ground shake.

[999] Then they hear a roar and a rumble similar to the sound of the passing elevated train, which was right there, as you can see.

[1000] Oh, I see it.

[1001] Right?

[1002] So that some people thought it was like just a real loud train sound going by, but then there was a deep growling, a thunder clap, and a bang, and then a crashing, and then a machine gun sound as the rivets of the tank came shooting out of the side, like a fucking cartoon.

[1003] Oh, my God.

[1004] Like, when your girdle's too tight and then, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

[1005] Except for it was a tank of two million gallons of molasses.

[1006] shit.

[1007] So the tank collapses and it unleashes a 15 foot wave of molasses that's moving down the street at 35 miles an hour.

[1008] That's so fast.

[1009] Run that fast to show everyone how fast.

[1010] Is it hot?

[1011] It's hot when it starts.

[1012] So it's also fast when it starts.

[1013] Fast and hot.

[1014] It's fast and hot.

[1015] So the way the temperature changed that day, like in the weather, affected the molasses itself.

[1016] Okay.

[1017] But then it starts pouring out, but then it hits the air.

[1018] So basically the wave starts, and they kept using the word viscosity in this article.

[1019] And I just deleted it.

[1020] I'm like, I don't know what that means.

[1021] It's a gross word.

[1022] It sounds like a car thing for boys.

[1023] I don't want to get involved in viscosity.

[1024] It's like from an oil commercial that I saw in the 80s.

[1025] you like viscosity, you're going to love the new Ford truck.

[1026] The 18, 1988 Ford viscosity.

[1027] It's ram tough.

[1028] It's ram.

[1029] Car and driver magazine.

[1030] So people, cars, trucks, Rams.

[1031] Even the toughest of rams, horses, are swept up in this flood.

[1032] The Boston Post reported, which apparently was a paper at the time, molasses, waist deep, covered the street and swirled and bubbled about the wreckage.

[1033] Here and there struggled a form.

[1034] Whether it was an animal or a human being, it was impossible to tell.

[1035] Only an upheaval, a thrashing about in the sticky mass showed where any life was.

[1036] Horses died like so many flies on flypaper.

[1037] The more they struggled, the deeper in the mess they were ensnared.

[1038] A tree.

[1039] Don't you think?

[1040] The never -ending story, you remember that?

[1041] Remember?

[1042] Remember that?

[1043] Remember how sad it was?

[1044] So sad right now.

[1045] Go on.

[1046] Sorry.

[1047] Also, human beings died.

[1048] Oh, right.

[1049] That happens to.

[1050] Literally, the next sentence is human beings, men and women suffered likewise.

[1051] Oh, God.

[1052] Should I just love that part off.

[1053] Okay, so the wave is so strong It damages this This train that you see there It knocks these girders out, I actually have a picture And it tips a railroad car off the tracks Holy shit Yes, let's see if we can do it I believe you can't Let's give it the old Harvard try Local, local, local Oh no Did you see that?

[1054] No, what happened?

[1055] Is it porn?

[1056] Oh, porn all down What kind of porn is this?

[1057] Listen, it's just what I'm into.

[1058] Don't shame me. I swear I'm only hitting the outside part.

[1059] That guy.

[1060] That guy.

[1061] This thing.

[1062] Okay, that broke.

[1063] We were there.

[1064] And then that.

[1065] Now we go here.

[1066] That's our podcast.

[1067] Okay.

[1068] Oh, look at you.

[1069] Well, there's the, how about this?

[1070] We'll look at this.

[1071] Just to prove.

[1072] There's the Boston Post.

[1073] It was in real newspaper.

[1074] This came out afterward.

[1075] You can see all of those things.

[1076] Yeah.

[1077] Oh, wow.

[1078] There's, I have a picture somewhere in there of...

[1079] No escape from the giant wave of fluid, it said.

[1080] Yeah.

[1081] Did you see that?

[1082] Yeah.

[1083] It was viscous.

[1084] It really was quite viscous.

[1085] But as it went, so it came out as, like, water -like, but then as it was out there, it hardened and, of course, thickened and got sticky.

[1086] So then it was harder and harder for people to get out of it.

[1087] It wasn't just like, oh, wow, that was crazy or whatever.

[1088] engine 31 which is the firehouse in the neighborhood is knocked clean off its foundation an entire firehouse causing the second story to collapse onto the first and the firemen that were there that day were all sitting down in the kitchen playing cards those lazy bastards I can say that because my father's a fireman and I know I know what those people do I spent my entire life going dad can we please have cable and he'd be like no we have that at the firehouse you don't need it That was his answer to everything.

[1089] You won't like it.

[1090] It's not, you don't need it.

[1091] I forgot your dad was a fireman.

[1092] I was like, don't say that.

[1093] I can't say anything to a fireman.

[1094] It's the greatest.

[1095] Anytime my dad's complaint, I've said this on the podcast before, but anytime my dad complains or is an asshole of any kind, we're like, oh, America's hero is upset.

[1096] Oh, America's hero.

[1097] But here's the thing.

[1098] So all the rescue people, the cops and the other firemen from around the city, they're there within minutes.

[1099] And they start this rescue, and so they actually get in.

[1100] And even though the second floor is collapsed onto the first, they managed to rescue and save all but one of the firemen.

[1101] So that was actually kind of miraculous.

[1102] The nearby Clardy House, which is, my cousins are the Clardy.

[1103] So this is my favorite part, even though.

[1104] It's horrible.

[1105] The nearby Clardy house, meanwhile, is swept away.

[1106] What?

[1107] And dashed against the L -Train platform, Martin Clarty, having just woken up, watched his home crumble around him before being thrown into the current.

[1108] It has a current.

[1109] Jesus.

[1110] He said, I was in bed on the third floor of my house when I heard a deep rumble, and when I awoke, I was in several feet of molasses.

[1111] He nearly drowned in a girl.

[1112] gooey whirlpool before climbing atop his own bed frame, which he discovered floating nearby.

[1113] So he had to like use his bed as a like a makeshift boat.

[1114] Then he rescued his sister Teresa and my aunt Teresa was Trisa Clardy.

[1115] Isn't that crazy?

[1116] One of the chances.

[1117] The Boston Globe reported that people quote were picked up by a rush of air and hurled many feet.

[1118] So even if you didn't get stuck in the molasses, like the air that came out with it, people were being blown back from it.

[1119] Dude, some fucking backdraft shit right there.

[1120] My dad hated the movie backdraft, except for the part where there's a Mercedes parked in front of a fire hydrant, and so they just bust out the windows and run the hose through the windows, and my dad would not stop laughing at that part.

[1121] He's like, we really do that.

[1122] I've done that before.

[1123] We really do that.

[1124] But he didn't like any of the make -out parts.

[1125] Oh, dad.

[1126] Dad.

[1127] A truck was picked up and hurled into Boston Harbor.

[1128] This was a serious tidal wave of molasses.

[1129] Tea party for trucks, though.

[1130] Oh, I get it.

[1131] I thought you were being political, and I was like, ooh.

[1132] Oh, not that one.

[1133] In a 1983 article for Smithsonian, Edwards Park, wrote one child's experience.

[1134] This is fucking nuts.

[1135] 8 -year -old Anthony Dostazio is walking home with his four sisters.

[1136] Tony?

[1137] Tony Dostazio!

[1138] Oh, that's a different neighborhood.

[1139] He's walking home with his sisters from the Michelangelo School.

[1140] That's racist.

[1141] Send the Italian kids to the Michelangelo School.

[1142] And send the Irish children.

[1143] children to Whiskey High School.

[1144] It's what's going to happen.

[1145] Okay, so this eight -year -old boy is picked up by a wave, by the wave.

[1146] It was one big one, and he's carried tumbling on its crest almost as though he was surfing.

[1147] His sister stood there and watched as he basically rode the molasses wave.

[1148] Holy shit.

[1149] For real.

[1150] And then, of course, he was grounded.

[1151] it rolled him like a pebble it says and he could hear his mother calling his name but he was covered in glasses and couldn't talk and then when he opened his eyes his three sisters were standing up above him like dude that was awesome let's see if we can do there's a really good aftermath picture there it is I broke the whole thing at the end I'm so sorry Oh, that's not it That was a Futurama screen Yeah Is it Can you pick it?

[1152] Can you go down to Oh, that's fine There's just one of the A close -up of all the devastation It's just so crazy So aside from the cops and the firemen There was also first to the scene 116 cadets from the USS Nantucket Which was a training ship From the Maritime Academy That just happened to be Right there docked in the at the pier so they run several blocks in toward the accident and they immediately try to pull out survivors but of course as the molasses is cooling everyone's getting stuck which is like a fucking nightmare and also reminds me of when I knew I needed to get stopped taking theater classes I was in a movement class and they're like and now act like you're stuck in honey and I was just like I'm fucking out of here I hate shit like this how is this help anything.

[1153] We're never going to get stuck in honey.

[1154] I was wrong.

[1155] So the Boston police, the Red Cross, the Army, other Navy personnel, they all come to help.

[1156] Some nurses from the Red Cross are diving into the blasts to try to pull people out.

[1157] Well, right?

[1158] Well, others tend to the injured, keeping them warm and keeping the exhausted workers fed. There's so many injured that the doctors set up a making shift hospital in a nearby building and so because everything is taking forever and so long they have to work all through the night it took four days to rescue all the people who actually lived through that wave to get them out um and some people were in the molasses and unrecognizable like it took a really long time to identify the dead it's horrible so the cleanup crews they had to use salt water from a fireboat to wash all the molasses away and they also sprinkled sand out to absorb it and the entire harbor was brown with molasses until summer so for six months all the water in the harbor was brown I meant it fucking stank too yeah I mean I think maybe at the very beginning you're like breakfast and they're like I can't I'm going to throw up I can't do this anymore it took weeks to clean up that immediate area Over 300 people had to help do it.

[1159] And then in Greater Boston, they said it took indefinitely longer.

[1160] Rescue workers, cleanup crews, sightseers, tracked molasses all over the city.

[1161] So they spread it to subway platforms and the seats on trains, streetcars, telephone handsets, into homes.

[1162] In the paper, they said everything.

[1163] Bostonian touched was sticky for six months and it's still that way today this felt like that's what you wanted me to say I don't know I don't know so two days before the disaster warmer molasses had been added to the tank there it is reducing the fucking viscosity that pesky viscosity that viscosity so local residents brought a class action lawsuit.

[1164] There were actually 119 lawsuits that were brought against the United States Industrial Alcohol Company, which they're the people that own purity distilling.

[1165] And that company tried to say that the tank had been blown up by Italian anarchists.

[1166] But apparently that was a thing that happened during wartime, is that anarchists would try to come to anywhere that they thought they were building munitions and blow things up, except for that was total bullshit and blame the fucking anarchists.

[1167] That's right.

[1168] It's always the Italians.

[1169] But a court -appointed auditor found that USIA was responsible after three years of hearings.

[1170] It turned out that a man named Arthur Jell, who oversaw the construction, neglected basic safety tests, such as filling the tank with water to check for leaks.

[1171] Just didn't do it.

[1172] That sounds like step one.

[1173] Yeah, no. He was like, can we just fill it with molasses and see what happens?

[1174] So when they did fill it with molasses and the tank leaked so badly that they just started painting it brown so that no one could see how it was leaking out on all the sides.

[1175] That was their solution.

[1176] One guy was like, put your finger in the hole.

[1177] That's the solution.

[1178] You stand there, you stand there, you stand there.

[1179] and then they did a modern day investigation in 2014 and they found that the steel was half as thick as it should have been for a tank that size.

[1180] That guy was pocketing that fucking money.

[1181] That's right.

[1182] So let's see, the United States industrial alcohol company ultimately paid out $600 ,000 in an out -of -court settlement which is $6 .5 million today.

[1183] She was.

[1184] Relatives of those, killed, reportedly received $7 ,000 each, which is the equivalent of over $100 ,000.

[1185] And some authors believe that the main reason that that molasses tank was so full is because the 18th Amendment, which was going to enact prohibition, was being ratified the next day on January 20th, 1919.

[1186] So they were just trying to make as much fucking alcohol as they could before prohibition started and then they could make that sweet black market money prohibition again so I'm laughing and now I have to say this part over 150 people were injured and people actually had coughing fits for like a month afterwards because of all the alcohol and stuff that was in the air the chemicals that were in the air and 21 people died that day.

[1187] Most of them were from the nearby paving yard.

[1188] So Patrick Breen, 44, John Callahan, 43.

[1189] Peter Francis, 64, William Duffy, 58.

[1190] James Conelli, no age.

[1191] John Sieberlick, 69.

[1192] There were some Teamsters, William Brogan, who was 61, Eric Laird, it was 17, James Lennon, 64, Peter Shaughness, he was 18.

[1193] The fireman who died was named George Leahy, he was 38.

[1194] Two drivers died, Flaminio Galleriani, 37, and Ralph Martin, who was 21.

[1195] A Bay State Express foreman, his name was James McMullen.

[1196] He was 64.

[1197] A guy named Cesar Niccolo, 37, was killed.

[1198] A longshoreman named Thomas Noonan, who was 43, died.

[1199] Michael Sinnott, who was a messenger, who was 76.

[1200] Holy.

[1201] He died.

[1202] Bridget Clardy, who was the guy who made the boat.

[1203] That was his sister.

[1204] she was 65 and Stephen Clardy 34 he died and then the little boy who rode the wave of molasses his older sister Maria died she was 10 and then another 10 year old Pascuali Ian Tosca died and that is the tragic story of the great molasses flood of 1919 wow not Netzo what's fucking bananas.

[1205] A couple jobs ago I had a job on a TV show and it was one about time travel and so we had to pitch stories of like oh what should they go back what times in you know in history should they go back to and this was my first pitch and I was so excited I'm like this is the best fucking idea in the world I was like and then then I did that and I explained the whole thing and then the guy I was pitching to you goes yeah how are we supposed to do that just like awesome I'll save that for my animated show do we have time for a hometown I think we do we do all right let's fix our undergarments I will just briefly very briefly tell you the rules I know you probably know them already but we love it when it's local that's the best because we're here with you guys also I'd love to hear a nice strong accent if we could because nobody ever does Boston accents right so if you guys can we'd like to hear it please don't be so drunk you can't follow your own train of thought it's just boring know the details of your story please have a beginning middle and an end the end is really important because if you just go I don't know what happened to them it really bums people out and just remember if you get picked everyone else hates you so you have to go fast okay let me see You want to go?

[1206] You want me to go?

[1207] Okay.

[1208] I'm scared.

[1209] Okay.

[1210] I'm I...

[1211] Yeah.

[1212] Vince is right there.

[1213] Go over to him.

[1214] I hate doing this.

[1215] Yeah.

[1216] Uh -oh.

[1217] Karen's got a cough drop going.

[1218] We're about to party.

[1219] I can smell it from here.

[1220] Yeah.

[1221] Which way?

[1222] She comes.

[1223] Hi, Rachel.

[1224] It's Rachel, everybody.

[1225] Shoes, I have them.

[1226] Aren't they comfortable?

[1227] You're so comfortable.

[1228] Oh, sorry.

[1229] That's okay.

[1230] Where are you from?

[1231] I...

[1232] I've lived here for five years, but I'm from Connecticut.

[1233] Boo.

[1234] You can drive three hours here and end up in another country.

[1235] It's not like California.

[1236] I know.

[1237] So my hometown is the story of Tracy Thurmond, and it was made into a lifetime movie.

[1238] So my dad went to high school with a woman named Tracy Thurman, and she dropped out when she was 16 to take care of her ill mother.

[1239] And her mother passed away, unfortunately.

[1240] I'm, like, so nervous.

[1241] I can't believe I'm up here.

[1242] I know.

[1243] That's so crazy.

[1244] Can we have the lights up so she can see with the whole.

[1245] No, don't show her.

[1246] No, I don't want to hear right.

[1247] So her mother passed away and she was like, whatever, I'm going to travel up and down the East Coast.

[1248] I'm going to do what I want.

[1249] It's the 80s.

[1250] And she went, I don't know, somewhere down south.

[1251] And she met a guy named Buck, which is Red Flag number one.

[1252] Sure.

[1253] Because his name is Buck.

[1254] Yeah.

[1255] And they were waitressing.

[1256] Well, I guess she was, she was waitressing, and they moved all over the place, and things started getting icky, and she was like, I don't like this.

[1257] I want to move back up to Connecticut.

[1258] So she moves back up.

[1259] He comes with her, and they get married.

[1260] And she's like, I don't know why I'm doing this, but I'm going to marry him anyway.

[1261] Things start to.

[1262] I relate.

[1263] Sometimes you have to.

[1264] Yeah, sometimes you have to.

[1265] So she, um, things start to escalate a little.

[1266] little more.

[1267] He's abusive.

[1268] And because it's the 80s, everyone's like, it's not our business.

[1269] Even though it is their fucking business.

[1270] Right, right.

[1271] Mind your business, everyone says.

[1272] Yeah.

[1273] So they eventually get, you know, they have a kid and stuff like that, but then they separate, she's living with her friend and he's living, I don't know, in a fucking shit hole, hopefully.

[1274] And they're fighting, they're fighting, they're fighting.

[1275] And then one day he serves her with paper, or she serves him with papers and he's pissed.

[1276] And at this point, this is, is the mid -80s and it was June of, I think, 1986, in between October of 85 and June of 86, she'd called the cops on him like 20 times because he was stalking her, all this other stuff.

[1277] So he's coming up there and she's like, for fuck's sake, she calls again.

[1278] And my hometown is like the size of this auditorium.

[1279] It's not big at all.

[1280] So the cops are like, all right, all right, we'll get there, we'll get there and the cops don't get there and he stabs her and she goes outside and she's like, oh no, oh no, oh no, so she's yelling, she's running around the yard, trying to get everyone's attention and he's still coming after her and then the cops show up and are like whoa, well, what is going on here?

[1281] So they decide the best course of action is to take the knife and detain it.

[1282] Not the man. They take the and they detain it.

[1283] The man walks, or the cop walks down this long, long, long driveway with the knife and it's like, well, this is the problem.

[1284] We've got to get this out of here.

[1285] And puts the knife in the trunk of the car.

[1286] Meanwhile, poor Tracy is not doing well in the yard.

[1287] The guy goes inside.

[1288] He gets, the husband goes inside.

[1289] He gets the kid.

[1290] He's like torturing her with the kid, all of this stuff.

[1291] The ambulance comes.

[1292] He's still trying to get at her.

[1293] while she's in the ambulance because the fucking cops haven't detained him for some reason.

[1294] She's in the hospital for months and months and months and months and she survives.

[1295] And she is the first woman to sue an entire city and to sue.

[1296] Fuck.

[1297] Yeah.

[1298] Police department.

[1299] She wins $1 .8 million.

[1300] And I don't have a magazine but in 80s money, like I think that's a lot.

[1301] That's a lot of money.

[1302] And she went on to help, like, go into domestic.

[1303] domestic, you know, domestic violence work and all that stuff.

[1304] Sometimes my dad sees her at the grocery store and gives her a hug.

[1305] Fuck, yeah.

[1306] And her shithead husband only got seven years, but, like, shit.

[1307] I mean, she made history, so I guess, I don't know.

[1308] Fuck, yeah.

[1309] Yeah, it was a good ending.

[1310] That's a survival story.

[1311] Oh, yeah.

[1312] Thank you.

[1313] That was great.

[1314] Good job.

[1315] Good job.

[1316] I think we have a minute.

[1317] Oh, yes.

[1318] Oh, we got really, Stephen Texas facts about the town we're in, and one of them is that one of our favorite Twitter accounts that started from my favorite murder that are here.

[1319] It's my favorite murder out of context.

[1320] I don't know if you guys follow that.

[1321] And the people that started are, will you guys come up here?

[1322] You're both here, right?

[1323] Right here.

[1324] Yeah.

[1325] Here they are.

[1326] We get to say hi to them.

[1327] If you're...

[1328] Go over to where Vince is.

[1329] You have to go where Vince is.

[1330] And he'll bring you up here.

[1331] It's his job.

[1332] Yay.

[1333] This is, this Twitter feed is so exciting because I go on there.

[1334] When I went on, the first time I read it, I was reading it and laugh you out loud.

[1335] And I looked at Georgia and I go, we're really funny.

[1336] This is good.

[1337] It was the first time Karen was like, I like what they say, huh?

[1338] Nice to meet you.

[1339] Here, this is Ange.

[1340] Is it Ange?

[1341] And that's Alex.

[1342] Nice to meet you.

[1343] You guys, thank you so much.

[1344] Thank you.

[1345] You guys are consistently so funny.

[1346] Yes.

[1347] We need to do our best.

[1348] We try.

[1349] So, like, it's actually a really funny story.

[1350] Yes, please do.

[1351] So, we dated in high school, and then didn't talk for eight years.

[1352] And then started dating again last November.

[1353] Oh.

[1354] And pretty much right away, I was like, hey, I'm super obsessed with this podcast.

[1355] You should definitely check it out.

[1356] And she did, and she was like, yeah, this is great.

[1357] And that's kind of, that was it.

[1358] Okay, so the first episode ever, I'm listening.

[1359] And it was you, Georgia, you were like, I'll have the collusion on the rocks.

[1360] And I was like, I'm about to write that down.

[1361] And she always listened to the whole thing, so then I'm like, start writing down quotes.

[1362] I start the Twitter, you know, whatever.

[1363] As I'm going through listening to it, I'm tweeting, you know.

[1364] And whatever.

[1365] And I have no idea that this is going on.

[1366] But then one day I'm on Twitter and I see my favorite murder out of context and I'm like, oh, this is funny.

[1367] And then I start scrolling through the feed.

[1368] And then we were, you know, hanging out my house one night.

[1369] And I was like, have you seen this Twitter?

[1370] My favorite word of contact?

[1371] It's like pretty good, but I have some suggestions.

[1372] I wonder if they, I wonder if this person takes recommendations, you know?

[1373] And she's like, yeah, I do.

[1374] So what I was doing was, like, hearing them and like just.

[1375] Tweeting them.

[1376] This...

[1377] Um, I'm a Virgo.

[1378] So, there's a Google doc now.

[1379] There's a Google spreadsheet.

[1380] We have a spreadsheet, so right away, I was like, we got a good spreadsheet going.

[1381] I know what every single episode is from.

[1382] Yep, I was like, we got to know what episode is from.

[1383] Yeah, Minisot has zone tab.

[1384] There's a tab.

[1385] Conditional formatting.

[1386] So we know.

[1387] You guys do more work than we do on the actual book.

[1388] Well, I didn't want us to post repeats.

[1389] So I was like, obviously, we need a spreadsheet so we can track this shit.

[1390] If it repeats, it repeats.

[1391] God.

[1392] Really respect that.

[1393] So, yeah, so now every week we listen to the Minnesota episode, and we both write tweets down and put them in the Google Sheets.

[1394] Thank you so much.

[1395] Thank you.

[1396] So cool.

[1397] Thank you for being fucking hilarious, because obviously, without both of you, this wouldn't be happening.

[1398] Yeah, yeah.

[1399] Awesome.

[1400] Actually, like, I already have a tweet ready for tonight.

[1401] I got one, ready?

[1402] This is the one.

[1403] It's out of context, but it was from, you guys know, right before Georgia was about to flash Karen when she was coming out the elevator, she was like, this is my fucking chance.

[1404] This is my fucking chance.

[1405] This is my fucking chance.

[1406] So I'm really broke, but I really was hoping.

[1407] She asked me to get a ring pop for her earlier, and I was like, um.

[1408] Congratulations, you guys.

[1409] I mean.

[1410] I'm shaking.

[1411] Amazing.

[1412] It feels like we should leave, but it's our show.

[1413] Thank you guys.

[1414] Thank you all so much for being here.

[1415] Yeah, stay here with us.

[1416] This is just one example of the fucking incredible community that this podcast has somehow started.

[1417] Honored to be a part of your guys' lives and all of what's happening here.

[1418] It's an amazing experience.

[1419] It couldn't be more fun.

[1420] It's incredibly beautiful.

[1421] And it just, it's, it's, it's, thank you so fucking much.

[1422] Thank you all.

[1423] Thank you, too, so much.

[1424] Thank you.

[1425] Thank you.

[1426] You guys, hey, stay sexy.

[1427] And thank you guys.